#man i really do spiral a bit dont i?

[shadowchargertomyyoong]

being straight is so hard

like all the "homies" act so gay and 🎀🎀 around each other and you're holding hands and stuff, go on what are basically dates cuz you dont pull ANYONE else...and then for a few moments it feels so surreal smtimes that you forget that y'all are "acting gay", but then the moment passes and you shake yourself out of it until you reach back home and lay awake all night, staring at the ceiling, questioning your identity, wondering "what if....?"

Being is bi is so hard like everyone thinks u r straight so u convince urself that u r straight

then look at that one girl and be like "Oh fuck maybe I am not"

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

If youre ok w sharing then i would love to hear your thoughts on lotor........ Hes such a weird guy. Dissecting him like a frog

If i get hate for this, i am blaming you/j but in all honesty i apologize if this kinda messy, as i have said it has beem awhile since i saw any of the episodes about him. Most of it is my personal interpretation and opinions of his character-

First of all i personally hate both "L0tor is evil rapist imperialist who did not have a single redeemable quality" and "L0tor is uwu poor baby who did nothing wrong", because yeah he had good intentions and he seemed to genuinely love Alura and care for Alteans but also he very much did do a lot of things Wrong. I am pretty sure a lot of his actions fall into category of Very Wrong

Lot0r to me is an absolute control freak, he has to be 10 steps ahead of everyone, he needs to be control of the situation no matter what. Whether it be through a silver tongue or by his blade (see N@rti's death, him vs White Lion). This is as much as a ruthless strategy as it is a trauma response. Being raised under Z@rkon, a father who only saw him as inferior half-bred, he had to learn survivor tactics. He will do anything to survive whether it be beg, lie, manipulate, and kill. He is a survivor of some genuinely godawful abuse he suffered for 10,000 years, combined with racism he suffered for being half altean

However this need to be in control extends to his allies and people he cares about. I am sure Lotor may have loved Alura, it doesnt change the fact that he very much abused her trust. Their entire relationship was based on a lie. He knew Alteans were still alive and not only did he not tell Alura about it he leaned into the "last survivors of Altea" for their relationship, which is why it was doomed since the beginning. And if it had not been this, then it would have been something else. Cause lying and manipulation are very much core of his character, that is how we are introduced to him

Like i see people going "Oh Lot0r could have been good if he had therapy and a hug", and i am not really not sure about it, cause like would he? Would he choose to be vulnerable and actually let his feelings out and be truthful in a an unbiased reliable way that will neither serve him in any way nor make him look better nor is a part of some machivilian scheme he cooked up because he doesnt trust the therapist he is paying? No

And thing is he does desire connection. He looks for connection in people who are similar to him. Half galran, altean survivors, Alura these are the people who he chose to get close to. He looks for similarities, people he can relate to, people who he sees as like him, people who he thinks can give him a sense of belonging. He is deeply lonely. However his desperation for control, absolute mistrust in anyone and everyone, and his inability to be actually honest dooms any relationship he'll ever have

Also this is probably just me, but for someone who is this morally complex character he has tendency to see things in black and white? Like it is His dad and empire= bad, alteans=good. He idolizes Altea to the point of seeing it as an Utopia, and this ideal was more important to him than any Alteans who are alive and with him. I also cant remember him ever caring about someone outside of the Dichotomy. Like at most i remember is after he became the emperor Lance pointing out how other planets need to be freed and he just brushed it off

Overall he gives me the "smart people dont always make good decisions, but they are good at justifying their bad ones" vibes. We dont know exactly why he decided to use alteans as batteries but i am choosing to go with my interpretation- "Lottor saw something fucked up in that future showing space whale thingy, decided the only way to solve was altean batteries except in true self fulfilling prophecy greek tragedy way it only made things worse and started a series of event that will cause the thing he saw causing real trouble a few years after his death.

Another thing! I think it should have been him being the focus of Evil Altean episode instead of A//ura. I hate that episode and everything it stands for but like if there Had to be an evil alteans episode then it should be around someone who is you know? Obsessed with Altean culture? Is big on control and manipulation? Is more geared towards big picture and "greater good" over individual? Is worried about turning into just like his galran father and so desperately wants to connect to his idealized version of his altean mother? Yeah

[d0d0-b0i]

are you fucking kidding me

[gu6chan]

ended up reading old discord convos when looking through the deleted accounts in my DMs and ngl putting aside how willingly gullible i let myself be back then it's crazy how different things could have been if i didn't make friends with like literally one person goddamn 😭

[globodamorte]

like there's this alley where many ppl sell things and I could very well go there it seems like a space where I could get some sales done except I CANT bc someone I know that I've been ghosting for over A YEAR sells their shit there and knows everyone there so k CANT GO THERE. "well why did you ghost them" BC I'M INSANE AND DEPRESSED LEAVE ME ALONE. like I CANT I CANT GO THERE if I see them I'm gonna throw up on the spot

[princesssmars]

yet again vi stumbles onto your doorstep, and yet again you can't turn her away.

youd never seen her until she moved into the apartment next to yours a few weeks back, sloppily dyed hair and melancholy face drawing your attention faster than you'd like to admit.

you'd heard her through the walls sometimes, the distinct clinking of bottles and thudding of relentless training on a punching bag.

the first time she'd interacted with you was when you were tiredly coming in after a long day at work, the woman drunkely stumbling up the stairs and letting out a rather loud wolf whistle. You decided to ignore it with a roll of your eyes until you heard the sounds of stumbling and cursing, turning around to see she'd fallen flat on her face as soon as the sound stopped coming out of her mouth.

obviously, being an extremely good person, you helped the wobbly woman into your apartment and forced her to dit down on your toilet seat while you got out some med supplies to patch up the scratch on her cheek. her eyes wer droopy as you wiped at the scar, barely flinching at the alcohol you put on the wound.

"janna, how much alcohol do you have in you?"

"hmmmmm just enough to have a good night."

"i wouldnt call immediately eating shit after catcalling someone a good night, vi."

"how'd'you know my name?"

"its written on your face, sweetheart."

maybe you shouldnt have been such a good person, because now this brute has stuck herself to you side. whenever she has a injury from wherever she gets them from, she bangs her fist on your door and blinks at your annoyed form until you begrudgingly let her in to fix her up.

she's not the worst, at least when shes not drunk out of her mind. you ask about why after tour first meeting she marked over the tattoo on her face, or the alcohol problem, something youre accustomed to in zaun but uncommon to see in someone still so young, but she just grumbles and shrugs off the questions. eventually you manage to worm out of her that someone close to her used to make really good drinks. you dont ask any more about it.

soon enough she finally decides to let you in on whats causing all these mysterious bumps and scrapes on her bidy, inviting you down to the fighting pits to watch her have a go. you figure if she's not dead yet she must be pretty good and damn is she good. you're slightly grateful that she does in fact have the brawn to back up that short tempered brain of hers, taunting her opponents before knocking them out in less than a minute.

maybe you can see why she was so conifent when catcalling you. just maybe.

shes still closed off but open to talking to you the more time you spend together, spending the night at yours more than once and finally seeming to calm in your presence, the neon flashing lights outside bring out the shapes and lines of her face as she stares at your ceiling above. being such a good neighbor you even sneak into her apartment one day and help clean up just a little bit. she didnt bring it up but the next time you needed to patch her up you opened your cabinet to see a bran new medkit.

but then like a switch is flicked she starts on a downward spiral, spending more and more time at the bar after her wins at the bar and having to get helped on her feet to get back into her apartment. seeing a nasty cut running down her arm during one of these trips you try to switch the woman from her friend over to you before she growls and rushes into her apartment, slamming the door in both of your faces.

you look to the man in silence. he only has a sad look on his face, shaking his head before heading back down the stairs.

you dont see her again for another ewweeks, until you hear the telltalesound of her falling on her ass outsie the door. you press you ear up against the door to hear what she does and start to get worried when she makes no noises. sneakily as you can, you undo your door locks and open your door to see what shes doing, only to see that sloppily dyed hair still laying on the ground, bottle clutched in one hand as her other forearm rests over her eyes.

you let out a full body sigh and internally reprimand yourself for starting to give a shit about someone before going into 'on' mode and hauling her into your apartment, which was definitely no small task. she doesnt fight you as you struggle to lift her up. you dont know ifits because shes familiar to the feel of your hands or too sloshed to worry about whos handling her. you can only stomp down the worry as you get to work.

you throw away the empty bottle, seatting at her hand that unconsciously reaches for it. when she glares at you you struggle the urge to throw her ass in the shower and turn on the chilled water, but decide thats bit the best route of action tonight. you manage to make her drink some water from the sink, take off her boots and jacket and plop down onto your bed. you rally wished youd saved up enough for a pull-out couch.

just when you turn away to put up her jacket and prepare something for you both to eat her hand locks into a grip on yours, large bruised and callused palm completely encircling your wrist as she weakly tugs you back towards her. you slowly sit back down and sit still as her head rubs into the side of your leg. the neon lights keep flashing as she visibly struggles with something before opening her eyes. the room flashes red, then purple, then blue and her hand grips yours tighter.

"'m sorry."

"its fine, vi. just fall asleep."

[romanarose]

The River

Joel Miller x Black!fem!reader

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Summary: Joel and Sarah's mom! reader the days he's conceived, written to Bruce Springsteen's The River in honor of his birthday today!

Warnings: Virginity loss for both, piv sex, skinny dipping, not a happy end, if you want the spoiler look at notes at the end. Classmate calls reader a name but its never stated so you can fill in the blank however fitting you feel, but its implied its either a slur or a derogatory word towards women. Story starts with joel and reader in HS and 17, but 18 when the smu happens. If this makes you uncomfortable, thats fine. Dont read it.Some drinking but everyone is consenting, and at 18 in the 80's in the us you can drink Immersivity: reader is at least biracial as fitting with the show TLOU. Not super descriptive there bc I wanted it to remain pretty open but I mentioned hair care for curls and dark skin

Happy birthday Bruce!!!! I love you

Dividers by @thecutestgrotto

I come from down in the valley

Where, mister, when you're young

They bring you up to do like your daddy done

  It started at 17, just kids. You were like something out of a dream to a teen. Well, a wet dream. You dressed so unlike everyone around him, showing off skin in a way scandalous to the bible belt you were living in. Joel was taught that impure thoughts and sex before marriage was sinful, shameful.

A year later, it didn’t feel shameful with you. 

When you moved here during yours and Joel’s senior  year, you and Joel met at a party and it was all over for him the second he saw you in that pretty black dress that dipped so low… Dark, thick curls spiraled around your head in a halo and beautiful dark skin. Joel was certain you weren’t looking his way even once. Joel wasn’t unpopular by any means, but if he were honest a lot of his circle came from either playing baseball or being Tommy’s brother . 

Tommy was a linebacker on the football team, something much cooler than baseball was. Joel didn’t think himself ugly, he thought he was decent to look at, but his nose got in the way, just planted large smack in the middle of his face. Tommy had similar features, but for some reason they meshed together better. Tommy was also just so much more extraverted, friendly as they came. And none of it was fake, Tommy was genuine and that's why people liked him. That’s why Tommy lost his virginity long before Joel had his first kiss.

When you walked over and struck up a conversation with him of all people, Joel’s eyes nearly popped out of his face.

“Hey.” You told him your name. “I start school next week with y’all”

“”M Joel,” He reached out shaking your hand, a move that made you grin ear to ear. “Nice t’meecha”

“You’re cute, Joel, wanna talk outside?”

An hour later, you and Joel hadn’t spoken to a single other soul. He watched as envious eyes lingered on them, pride swelling in his chest at having the prettiest girl at the party wearing his jacket as you sat on the porch. 

“HEY MILLER!” A teammate of Tommy’s shouts at Joel from below the porch. “Gonna finally score a homerun?”

When you looked at him confused, Joel explained the metaphor. “I play baseball.”

“YEAH AND HE’S NEVER SCORED WITH A GIRL!”

“THANKS DAN I THINK SHE GOT IT!!” Joel shouted to the jeering boy who’d drawn a bit of a crowd. When he turns back to you, you weren’t weirded about him being a virgin still, instead you were smiling.

“I’m a virgin too, don’t worry. Wanna really show ‘em how stupid they look?” You whisper.

Joel laughs, smiling something dopey. “Please…”

Swinging one leg over the porch railing, a move that spread your legs and rode your skirt up. You grab his shirt, yanking him towards you and kissing him right tyoure in the porch light, getting bitten by mosquitos. This creates a bunch of loud whooping from everyone except Dan, more people gathering to watch the show. Joel about passed out, ready to fall off the porch and die a happy man. He didn’t, holding onto your leg as you giggled into his mouth at the reactions of everyone around them.

After that, only death could separate Joel from you. 

Me and Mary we met in high school

When she was just seventeen

We drive out of this valley

Down to where the fields were green

“Hey Miller!” Dan called after him in the hall, but Joel wasn’t interested in talking to him.

That school year had been a wild one to be sure. You joined the cheer team, but admitted later it was so that you could see Joel more, an excuse to talk to him. Joel was absolutely baffled at the concept that you thought you needed a reason to talk to him after he’d kissed you, but sweet nonetheless. 

Dan had tried in vain to steal you out from under him, but to Joel’s surprise you showed no interest. After that, he got mean. Joel frequently found himself telling Dan to shut the fuck up, defending you even though the relationship still didn’t have a name. It was stolen smiles in class, study dates, choosing to spend your 18th birthday with him at the local diner instead of a party.  DIdn’t matter. He wasn’t going to let Dan talk the way he did about you. It’d never escalated to more than a few shoves in the locker room, resulting in being separated by Tommy and your teammate. Their coach said if Dan causes more problems to let him know.

And then, Dan crossed a line. The crowded hallway was loud, people pushing around to get the hell out of school and onto their next event but Joel heard him loud and clear. The hall got real quiet, everyone between Dan and you and Joel hearing with Dan called you, and it was over. 

“Joel…” You warn, feeling him squeeze your hand tighter. “Don-” but he was gone, letting go and lunging at Dan like he was tackling in a game.

The fight didn’t last long, Joel a little better off than Dan was by the time they were pulled apart, which is why the coach suspended Joel for 2 days instead of Dan. They told the coach, multiple students testifying, what Dan had called you but he never go any repercussions. That just makes Joel all the more happy he broke his nose.

You were his after that. Officially. Boyfriend and girlfriend and inseparable. Every game, you were there cheering him on and every night you worked he was there to walk you home. 

When the summer turned warm, Joel decided he wanted to share something special with you.

It was a secret spot, a place Joel grandpa used to take him and Tommy to fish before he passed. They pair had grown up swimming there when they could get their hands on a car in the summer, and it was somewhere that few people knew about. A quiet lake, the perfect place to fish and swim or just relax. Joel managed to borrow your brothers car, people trusting him as he was responsible, unlike Tommy. He even packed you a picknick, making it a nice date. He knew he was romantic as shit. He didn’t plan on what happened happening, but he knew it would be a special afternoon.

The week after graduation in Texas was already warm, the world bright and happy around him as college approached. You and him had plans to move to Austen together, he had gotten a few good grants for low income students and was going to attend the tech school, get into electrician work. He even knew a place where he could apprentice in the city, and hopefully by the time you graduate with your 4 year degree he would have his journeymans. You had gotten an excellent scholarship, and between that and the money saved from the last few years of both of you working, if you guys budgeted well you would graduate almost debt free. Then, find permanent jobs, get a house, get married, have kids… the entire world was in the palm of your hands.

You hadn’t taken the big step, even after 7 months of dating, you were still virgins. You wanted to… but where? On the bottom bunk of the bunk bed Joel and Tommy still shared in the tiny mobile home? Or at your place, where your mom made you keep the door open at all time? Joel certainly wasn’t going to deflower you in the back of a car, he wasn’t a fucking animal. Still, he liked to think what ended up happening was perfect.

You loved it.

We'd go down to the river

And into the river we'd dive

Oh, down to the river we'd ride

“Joel!!!” An excited squeal escaped your lips as he finished setting everything up. There were even a bundle of wildflowers on the blanket he sprawled out on the grass. 

“M’grandpa used to take me  n’ Tommy here ‘fore he died.” Joel explained, standing up and stepping back to admire his work. There was a tinge of longing, reminiscing on those old days, childhood that he was soon to leave behind for a life with you. There'll always be nostalgia, but he didn’t have to fear facing the future with you by his side. He’d do it all in your honor. Joel felt your hand on his back.

“He sounds great, baby.”

Joel smiled. “Yeah, he was.” But he turned to hug yo. The smell of your hair was always something he took his time to appreciate. Throughout these months, he’d learned a lot about taking care of your hair, and absolutely adored the smell of coconut oil. He'd gotten pretty damn good at braiding. Sometimes you’d even put the oil in his hair, and Joel loved the scalp massage too much he was practically purring. That’s how you learned he had a sensitive scalp. Very sensitive.

Got anything to drink?” You smiled, trying to distract him.

He paused for a bit, then finally smiled for the first time tonight. “Yeah, yeah I do.”

Joel pulled out the glasses, iced tea, rum, and sliced lemons; Long Island iced tea.

Joel insisted on holding the ice to your lip as You sipped through your straw and drank his own. Joel was more of a beer guy himself, the guys would never let it go if they caught him drinking this, but for your, he’d drink it. Plus, it actually tastes good. Beer does not.

Now, Joel was Joel again. He laughed along to your stories and shared quips about the guys at the shop as they sat on the blanket he laid out by the banks. He braided your hair back for you, tying it up nice and tight so the river water doesn’t ruin it.

“You ready to swim?” You asked.

Joel grinned “Absolutely. I brought some spare clothes, I figured you couldn’t exactly sneak out with swimwear.”

“Actually…” You stood up. “I was thinking we could just…” You took off your shirt. Joel quickly stood up. “Skinny dip?” 

Joel had felt your tits before. Plenty. You and him had explored things before… but never this. Seeing your breasts in that bra had his mind short circuiting. He was only a man. 

You turned away and began walking towards the river. The Texas sun was setting on your back as you slid your underwear off. Joel never really gotten a good look at your ass until now. Well now, he was taking it all in. 

“You gonna join me? Or just stare at my ass like a perv at a gas station?” He looked up at you and saw you glancing over your shoulder as you unhooked your bra. When you turned back and tossed your bra back to the shore, Joel scrambled out of his jeans and underwear comically fast, hopping out of his last pant leg. Joel grinned wildly as he giggled (did he just giggle?) and ran into the river as he pulled his shirt off.

By the time he reached you, you had dove into the water, swimming out. He caught up to you and pulled your wet frame in, finally taking yor in the kiss he had wanted to give all afternoon. He was careful, ever so careful, not to startle you or move too fast, but he hears you laugh. “Oh my god Joel, just kiss me.”

As the lady wished. He deepened the kiss as you ran fingers through his thick curls, massaging into his scalp. He could feel himself getting hard, so he pulled away. “Time to swim, sweetheart.” As he dove into the water, you got a quick peek at his ass before it re-entered the cool water. Oh man, you could not wait to get a hold of that latter tonight. You swam as the sun peaked, until your bodies were too tired to keep changing between kisses and splashes.

The evening was still warm, but could cool quick. Joel grabbed towels and another drink for the two of you on the blanket. While in the car, he opened his windows and turned up the radio. He helped dry off your hair and body before pulling a blanket over the two of you. The area was private, no one would be here except him. Snuggling into his chest, you signed contently. Joel was your safe place. Despite being naked under the blanket, You felt warm and secure. When “Sister Christian” faded out of the car radio, You listened to the DJ.

“This next song is a request, it goes out from Joel in Arlington. Joel wants you to know how much he’s enjoyed your time together and he hopes for many more nights like tonight. Well, isn’t that sweet. Here’s to you, this is You Make Loving Fun by Fleetwood Mac”

You turned to him with a broad smile. “Joel! That’s so sweet” You took him in for a kiss as the opening chords started playing, your dark, naked body pulling up against him.

Joel tried to keep his cool, but fighting his hard-on was getting a lot harder to control. “I wanted to play something by Stevie Nicks, but all the songs I knew that she sang sounded like break up songs.” Joel sucked on your neck.

You moaned out his name. “Oh god… mmm” You tried to keep the conversation going, but he felt so good on your skin. “True, but Silver Springs is a masterpiece…”

“You are a masterpiece…” He murmured between the soft kisses he placed along your stomach. your heart rate kicked up as he crept closer to your sex. 

“Joel…” You pleaded, begging him for more as he kissed the crease of your legs, so, so close to where you needed him to be. Something else entirely. Just when You thought he was finally going to take your in his mouth,  moved past your sex, his beautiful lips tantalizingly grazing over you’re folds to move towards your inner thighs. “Joel, please, stop teasing…”

“As the lady wants…” Finally, he dove into you.

Then I got Mary pregnant

And man, that was all she wrote

You tasted fantastic. He flattened his tongue as licked up, swirling around your clit, making your whimper. He loved the little sounds You made when he touched you, tasted you. Sliding two fingers inside, Joel worked your lower body with everything in him: his fingers deep inside your, his mouth licking and kissing everywhere in reach, his free hand massaging along your thigh.

In the freedom of the dark night, You felt free to be as loud as You wanted. “FUCK! Fuck Joel, just like that.”

“Fuck, you taste so good”

You gave a breathy laugh “Baby, I taste like river water”

“Like delicious river water” He muttered with an obvious smile;

You giggled “Ew”

Joel hummed “mmmm” the vibration sending another wave through you.

“Oh! Oh God, Joel!” You whimpered when You felt his teeth carefully draw along your sensitive inner thigh.

Joel continued working you, fingering you open carefully until you came on his tongue, tugging on the sweet curl and his oh so sensitive scalp.

You moved your hips up, sending a shock of electricity through him when he felt your thigh rub along his cock.

He kissed into your neck, fighting the strong urge to leave hickies. “If I told you I brought a condom, would you think I was presumptuous?”

“If I told you I brought a condom, would you think I’m easy?”

You could feel a shit eating, teasing grin being pressed into your neck. “I don’t believe in women being easy, I believe in men being lucky.”

With your soft hand, you guided his face back to yours and You gifted him with a kiss. “Do you think you’re lucky tonight?”

He couldn’t help the feral growl that escaped him as he nipped along your neck and chest. “Sweetheart, tonight, I think I’m favored by the gods.” He rolled over and pulled the condom out of his pant pocket and slid it over his length before lining himself up at your entrance and planting a soft kiss on your brow. He touched his forehead to yours. “You want this?” Joel spoke softly in your ear.

You smiled, eyes closed, and nodded, gently tracing the muscles on his back, toned from physical labour.

“More than anything, Joel. Do you?”

When you opened them, Joel was beaming down at you. “More than anything.”

 He felt your grip on his shoulder as he entered your, wet and hot in contrast to the cool air seeping into their little haven. He pulled the blanket over both of their heads to keep the heat between them, to keep the world outside. Right now, only they mattered, only you existed, nothing else could possibly be more important than making you feel beautiful and special and… loved.

You were ethereal. Nothing in the world felt better than you sweet pussy and there was nothing he loved more than you, his beautiful girl giving herself to him, just as he gave himself to you. 

In your little tent, you felt safe, appreciated and adored. Joel always had a way of taking away all your anxieties, his demeanor was always so light and relaxing but fiercely protective. You could feel him hitting deep inside you despite his movements being slow and steady, not wanting to hurt you. He was all kisses: your mouth your jaw, your breasts, your cheeks. As you stretched out your body and put your arms over your head, he ran his hands up your sides, over your breasts and shoulders, along your arms and finally pinning your hand above your. Joel held you to the ground and he picked up his pace, making your toes curl as your orgasm built back up again.

“Mmmm, Joel, baby you feel so good… so good honey”

Joel could feel your tightening around him, he knew you were close. He kissed deep into your mouth that opened for him. You aggressively kissed back, taking his lip between your teeth. “Please baby, I need to feel you.” You wiggled your wrists.

Joel complied, releasing your hands which You returned to his tan skin. When You came around him, he felt your fingernails digging into his shoulder blades, tipping him over the edge. His pace faltered as he rode out his orgasm, pressing tender kisses into your neck.

When they re-emerged from the cover of the blanket, night had completely fallen on the reservoir, the moon shone above the treeline illuminating You’s tan, wet body. “Keep on Lovin You” by REO Speedwagon was in full swing. They laid on the bank of the river, pulling your close just to feel each breath You takes.

There they laid, until Joel heard the rumble of thunder. “We should probably get going, don’t want to get rained on.” No answer. He looked down to see you sleeping against his chest. 5 more minutes won’t hurt… He thought to himself, and watched your sleep for 20 minutes, until you stirred to the sound of the thunder getting closer.

“Hm?” You grumbled into his chest, despite him not saying anything.

“I said we gotta go, it looks like rain.”

“Oh.” You rubbed your eyes and sat up. “Oh shit, I forgot we were naked.”

Joel stood up and gathered your clothes that You had practically stripped off for him, then got dressed himself.

It was that July you told him you were pregnant.

And for my nineteenth birthday

I got a union card and a wedding coat

We went down to the courthouse

And the judge put it all to rest

No wedding day smiles, no walk down the aisle

No flowers, no wedding dress

Everything changed after that, 

Not the love you had for each other, no, not that.

But everything else.

Your parents kicked you out when you told them, and Joel’s family let you move in, kind enough to let you take the couch, until a week later you and Joel were married at the courthouse. You spend your wedding night on the bottom of a bunk bed, Tommy staying with a friend for the night to offer you some privacy.

Life wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t the worst. No trade school, no apprenticeship, no journeymans, but Joel found a union job which was good. You continued working your job at the diner until Sarah was born, the best day of Joel’s life.

The next 5 years would be difficult, late bills and a sick baby, union going on strike, but no matter what, he had you. Always had you, his beautiful girl. Sometimes, Joel would ask Tommy to watch Sarah for a few hours, and he’d take you back to the river, back to where she was conceived. He couldn’t say he regretted it, but when this life brought him his baby. He couldn’t regret anything with you, honestly. Every struggle was worth it for his little family.

It was here you told him about the cancer.

Now all them things that seemed so important

Well mister they vanished right into the air

Now I just act like I don't remember

Mary acts like she don't care

Joel watched as a preteen Sarah swam around the river, Tommy and Joel parked with chairs close enough their feet were wet. Joel supposed she was technically a teen now… but it felt wrong to say his baby was a teenager of all things. 13 could be a preteen, just one more year. He had braided her hair back the same way he always did yours, the memory of which always tore at his chest. There were a few years there he didn’t take her, the last time Sarah had been was when she was 6.

 The chemo had taken its toll on you, but you wanted this last summer with your daughter. Joel had carried you in, your body to weak to stand for long but once you were in again, you were at ease. The water helped you move, taking pressure off your joints and Sarah, as little as she was played gently with you, knowing her mom was fragile. Joel loved how much you loved her, how much Sarah adored you, and it killed him. It killed him to know there wasn’t much longer left. 

Joel watched as you floated, taking in the sun on your skin as Sarah did the same. Two peas in a pod.

You died two days later.

But I remember us riding in my brother's car

Her body tan and wet, down at the reservoir

At night on them banks I'd lie awake

And pull her close just to feel each breath she'd take

Now those memories come back to haunt me

They haunt me like a curse

Is a dream a lie if it don't come true

Or is it something worse

Joel didn’t take her again until she was 10. He couldn’t stomach it, so Tommy did, wanting to keep the family place alive.

“You alright, brother?” Tommy asked, cool beer in his hand.

Joel sighed. “Yeah, yeah. Just….” He shook his head, watching as Sarah went under to do a handstand. “She looks so much like her mom, doesn’t she?”

When Sarah popped up again, Joel and Tommy cheered for her in encouragement.

“Yeah, that she does.”

School was starting soon, and Joel would have less time with her, so he was savoring these little moments, just as their family. Just the three of them. Joel still felt you here, present with him in these ways, even after all these years. 

2003 marked 7 years since your death, and every day Sarah grew to look more like you.

Now those memories come back to haunt me

They haunt me like a curse

Is a dream a lie if it don't come true

Or is it something worse

That sends me down to the river

Though I know the river is dry

That sends me down to the river tonight

Down to the river

My baby and I

Oh, down to the river we ride

SPOILER!!! Reader dies.

Thak you soooo muc for reading, i know my last fic and this one have been downers, and i gonna be honest, my final joel piece before leaving the fandom wil be bittersweet too ;-;

Thank you for all the love you've given me!!!

Taggint htose whove expressed interest. I think. if i mistagged you im sorry!!! its late for me

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @msjarvis @grogusmum @hiroikegawa @jennaispunk @fandxmslxt69 @sweetlummie

[whyse7vn]

MOVING OUT -

[ot7 x reader]

BFFS 😁💜

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

jk: #NEWYEARNEWHOME

#NEWME 🙌🏼

hobi: don’t want to know don’t care shut up

jin: what now

jimin: sighs

tae: AWOMAN 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

yooongi: …

jk: #newbeginings 🙏🏼

namjoon: ??

jk: i’m moving out guys 😆

like living on my own

me

i am

no joke

real life

living with y/n era OVER

hobi: attention seeker

jin: idk if you can even survive on ur own

y/n: he’s being stupid

ignore him pls

jk: house warming party soon guys!!!!

everyone invited unless ur name starts with a j

yoongi: your name starts with a j

jk: everyone invited unless ur surname starts with a j

yoongi: are you stupid

jin: is this about y/ns new bf lmao

y/n: i brought jaehyun over ONCE and now kooks spiralling

jk: idk who is jaehyun sorry idk who that is or what ur talking about sorry idk a thing

namjoon: sighs

yoongi: lowkey valid

y/n: ????????

yoongi: i mean if we were living together and you brought a rat back home i would loose my mind a bit

y/n: namjoon

namjoon: yoongi

yoongi: just saying

jimin: LMAOOO

y/n: not funny

jimin: just a little bit

tae: i heard jaehyun a world famous cheater

y/n: guys

hobi: look you made her upset

jk: y/ns upset?

jin: yikes

jimin: it’s not even my fault

yoongi just makes me giggle some times

yoongi: 🫰🏼

tae: i’ll hold you bbg sshhh don’t cry

namjoon: ew

y/n: i really really like him ok

so if you all could actually maybe just give him a chance and not be assholes for once i would really appreciate it

hobi: ofc pretty <3

jimin: ok but do you love him

namjoon: jimin

jimin: WHAT sorry i really need to know

jk: DONT ANSWER THAT

jin: woah

jk: i mean you don’t have to answer that haha

i’m still moving out btw

tae: i think you should give up i don’t think she’s gonna tell you to stay

omg like a dog

stay

i wish someone would tell me to stay

“stay 😡”

ok bae i’ll stay

am i ur good boy?

tell me i am

look at me

i stayed here

waiting for you

tell me i’m your good boy tell me please

hobi: bro

tae: sorry got lost in the source

namjoon: you mean the sauce?

tae: yesss mayo!!

@y/n tell me to say

y/n: absolutely not

i can tell you to kys tho

tae: Keep Yourself here and Stay

a win for kim taehyung

y/n: kill yourself

tae: no

heheheh

i’m a bad boy tonight

what you gonna do about it 😝

jimin: oh my god stop talking

tae: she wants me

y/n: she has a boyfriend

tae: never even seen that man in the same room as you

u sure you not making this relationship up

y/n: do i need to send you a fucking sex tape to prove it

tae: i mean…..

if you want lol

y/n: ur gross

tae: you’ve kissed me

y/n: top ten worst moments of my life

tae: WOAHHHHHHH

UMMM

OK NOW YOU’VE CROSSED A LINE

namjoon: enough

both of you

y/n: taes a shit kisser

tae: NO I AM NOT

NAMJOON TELL HER IM

NOT OHMYGOD HOW DARE SHE

namjoon: wydm tell her?

ur acting like i’ve kissed you to know

tae: i’ll kiss you

namjoon: i’m going to block you

tae: I AM NOT A SHIT KISSER

jimin: tae can’t kiss tae can’t kiss

tae: STOP I CAN

hobi: that’s really sad actually

jk: can someone do me a favour

yoongi: no

namjoon: what’s the favour?

yoongi: it’s gonna be something stupid

jk: joon can you buy me a house??

yoongi: shocker!!

tae: guys i’m a great kisser ask all the girls i’ve kissed

jimin: girls?

the only other girl you’ve kissed is jennie

tae: THATS NOT TRUE I NEVER KISSED THAT WOMAN IN MY LIFE

hobi: she didn’t let you kiss her even tho you flew all the way to paris for her??

that’s crazy

jin: maybe she was waiting for marriage

y/n: maybe she was waiting for the police

namjoon: i am not buying you a house are you out of ur mind??

jk: but how i’m i supposed to move out?

namjoon: buy ur own house?

tae: why would she be waiting for the police??????

jin: being seen with you is a crime in itself

don’t even get me started of being seen publicly HOLDING HANDS with you

hobi: right yikes

jimin: what’s the french police number?

y/n: fuck knows

jin: baguette snail croisant

jimin: those are not numbers

hobi: isn’t that racist?

jin: to who?

hobi: the french??

jin: you can be racist to the french???????

hobi: i think idk???

jin: shit you better lock me up then

been oui oui baguette eiffel tower bonejawing my whole life

y/n: bonejaw??????????

tae: jin ur like a mega racist…

hobi: do you like trump be honest

jin: tf is trump

jk: namjoon pls oh pls 🥺🥺🥺🥺

yoongi: can you guys not have 2 conversations at once thanks

tae: just say you can’t keep up

yoongi: just kill yourself

tae: WOAH

namjoon get him!!!!

namjoon: am i a dog??

why do i have to always get someone

i think you guys need to learn how to fight ur own battles

tae: dog

“stay😡😡😡😡”

w-what’s happening to me 😰😭

🧍🏻‍♂️… 🧎🏻‍♂️…. 🐕

arf? 🥺

*head tilt*

jimin: this is why women avoid you

tae: take a leaf out of my book bro

jimin: would genuinely rather die

hobi: /gen /srs

yoongi: /kys

jin: wait so jungkooks moving out but doesn’t have a home to move into

jk: i can always move in with yoongi

yoongi: LOL

jk: or jimin

jimin: wow the weather is great today guys 😆

jk: hobi will have me

hobi: no!

jk: jin joon??

namjoon: give up

jin: are you silly

tae: i could

jk: no thank you ❤️

tae: wtf

y/n: LMAO

tae: what’s wrong with living with me???

jk: u scare me a lot i’m sorry

tae: fucking bitch

jimin: what if y/n moved in with jaehyun then you have the house to urself?

jk: ARE YOU SILLY???

WHY WOULD I WANT THAT

IMG THE THOUGHT OF THAT MAKES ME WANT YO THROW UP

NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN

jimin: woah ok don’t shoot me in the head tf??

thought you wanted this independent life

y/n: i mean i can if that’s what u really want kook

jk: KOOK HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHE

my knees just gave out >.<

WAIT NO DONT MOVE IN WITH HIM YOU DONT HAVE TO IM SORRY NO DONT DO THAT

jin: u make me wanna throw up

jk: i love living with you!!! i’m sorry i’m not gonna move out so please don’t move out either living with you has been and IS the best thing that’s ever happened to me please don’t go

hobi: that’s a shinee song

jimin: didn’t she fuck a shinee member LMAO 💀

namjoon: jimin

jimin: sorrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

tae: so you can fight her battles for her but fighting mine is an issue????

ok sexism IS real females were onto something with this one

y/n: females??

yoongi: they way you dig urself deeper and deeper into unlikeability is truly insane

tae: my fault feminist yoongi here to get my ass 💀💀💀💀

NO IM SORRY I DIDNt MEAN THAT LMAOO

PLS DONT HURT ME

IDK WHY I SAID THAT

THE DEMONS TOOK OVER FOR A SEC

NO JOKE BLACKED OUT

DONT EVEN REMEMBER SAYING THAT

NAMJOON TELL HIM IT WAS A MISTAKE

JOON

KIM NAMJOON TELL HIM TELL HIM

hobi: tell me tell me tttttell me

yoongi: i’m gonna shoot him

namjoon: understandable

hobi: it’s the love shot

jk: i’m not moving out guys

jin: no shit

y/n: hobi answer my ft >_<

hobi: give me one sec my love!!!!!!!!!!

jimin: woah???

jin: uhhhhhhhh

tae: group ft ❤️!!

y/n: kys!!

tae: why do girls not fuck with the nice guys anymore

hobi blew up a school once

hobi: ??

tae: get off the phone so my gf can call ME

yoongi: i beg you to shut the fuck up

tae: beggar

jimin: that coming from you is actually insane tae!

tae: what

namjoon: so whose hosting games night this week

yoongi: not me

jin: i did it last time

jimin: my place is real messy

hobi: don’t wanna :/

tae: i refuse in protest of tae respect and love in this gc

y/n: me and jk can

since he’s not moving out and all

jk: 😁!!

namjoon: cool

everyone ok with that?

jin: yup

jimin: ok

yoongi: yes

tae: whatever lol

hobi: y/n why don’t you invite jaehyun??

so we can all properly meet him

you’ve met his members right??

he should meet yours no?

yoongi: ?????

tae: ARE YOU SILLY

jin: ur so wrong for that

y/n: ahhhh idk

i mean i have met his members

and i really do want you guys to properly meet him as well…

jimin: somethings going on

jk: haha yeah lol i mean i’ve met him already

he was my friend lol haha not that it matters but that’s ok

did i say was ?? i meant is lol sorry i wouldn’t stop being his friend just cuz he’s dating you that would be silly

but yeah but if you want him to come that’s cool

but he really really really doesn’t need to haha

namjoon: y/n bring your boyfriend

y/n: are you sure???

tae: NO??£:£:££:

jin: yes!!! #drama

jimin: ofc

yoongi: whatever

jk: hahah lol hahah

y/n: ok

hobi: great ☺️!!!

cant wait

jimin: i bet

hobi: ??

jimin: nothing

hobi: y/n answer :p

y/n: okokokokokokokokok

jimin: i’m gonna do some deep diving i’ll talk to you all later

(unfortunately)

(and by force not cuz i like you)

(the talking to you later part not the diving part)

bye

jk: woah didn’t know jimin was a diver

yoongi: ur stupid

@y/n reply to my message

bye

jin: wow guys i’m really exited for games night

gotta stock up on the alcohol

so i guess i’m going too

bye 👋🏻

tae: good i’m going as well

i’ve got to go and punch a wall

jungkook come over

this is srs business

jk: okay ^_^

getting in my car

speak to you all later 💓

hobi: y/n told me to tell you all bye

so bye from her and bye from me

😁🫰🏼😁🫰🏼😁🫰🏼😁🫰🏼😁🫰🏼😁🫰🏼

namjoon: woah

did we

did we just end a conversation normally….

oh my god

wow

guys wow omg

this is the first time this has happened

wow

i’m in shock

this is such a big step for us

i’m so proud

um

wow

what do i even say rn

….

um

yoongi: how about goodbye

blowing up my phone for no reason

namjoon: no ur right i’m sorry

goodbye guys

um

have a good day???

yeah

um wow

yeah have a good day guys i mean it

i honestly and truly mean it

wow

yeah and

yoongi removed namjoon from “BFFS 😁💜”

—

hobi sus

tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @indigobsessed @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @jazminethecreator @k4ngelz @jmnscutie

[meshla-cyarika]

SFW alphabet

Nathan Prescott's SFW alphabet!!!

--------------------------------------------------

A - affection (how affectionate are they with you?)

In public, Nathan's affection towards you is dropped down to holding hands, an arm around your shoulder or waist. You'll get a kiss, if you're lucky. He isn't big on PDA because his parents raised him to think that showing your love for someone in public is inappropriate and frowned upon.

But when you're all alone, it's a whole different story. If you're trying to concentrate on something, Nathan will make it his life goal to distract you and steal affection from you. Whenever you're alone together, he's holding onto you in some way whether it's having you sat on his lap, or just holding onto you in some way.

B - best friend (how are they as a bestie?)

Fucking insane. Expect to do some crazy ass shit 24/7. He'll hang around you like a lost puppy, whether you're doing weed somewhere, or terrorising the neighbourhood

C - cuddles (how do they cuddle?)

This man will cuddle you in any position, as long as he's touching you he doesn't care. Although, in the beginning of your relationship he was very tense when it came to cuddling you and physical touch in general. He didn't want to be seen as vulnerable or weak, because he was scared that you were going to make fun of him for it. Because of this, he resulted to spooning you, so he could still hold but be able to not show how much he's enjoying it.

Now, he prefers to be held by you, because he knows that you won't laugh at him for it and you won't tell anyone. He'll also just lay ontop of you and rest his head on your chest.

D - domestic (their thoughts on settling down)

Nathan has never had a domestic moment in his entire life, until he met you that is. He does want to spend his entire life with you, but he isn't prepared to drop everything and become a normal citizen of society yet. He wants to spend his youthful years as rebellious as he can, but not to the point where it could ruin both your lives.

E - ending (how would a breakup go?)

A breakup with anyone else, wouldn't bother Nathan the slightest bit. But with you, he would actually lose his mind. Expect alot of shouting and yelling, then sobbing and begging for you to stay. Nathan has spent so much time with you, the thought of you splitting up never crossed his mind, so he was really shocked. He would start spiralling downwards rapidly. Not attending his therapy sessions, not taking his pills, lashing out at everyone. All he wants is you and that's the one thing he can't have.

F - fiancée (how do they feel about commitment?)

Nathan was originally very weary of commitment, purely because he feared that you'd leave him like everyone else. But after a year of you dating, he realised he couldn't picture his life without you. Nathan was raised to think that marriage is the best way a relationship could go. So, he waited a little while after you both graduated before very nervously popping the question. Obviously, you said yes. (If you dont I'll personally murder you for crushing this poor boy's heart)

G - gentle (how gentle are they with you?)

You know that Nathan is the most rigid person to ever have existed and won't hesitate to through someone out of a window. Which is why you were so shocked when he held you so delicately as if you'd break like glass. And the way he speaks to you is so timid and soft, a tone he's never used with anyone else. You're the only thing in his life that he actually gives a shit about, so he's going to protect you at all costs.

H - hugs (their thoughts on hugs)

He's not a very big fan of hugs. He'll side hug you tho, wrapping his arm around your waist to bring her hips next to his. The only time he'll accept hugs, is if you reward him with a kiss aswell.

I - I love you (who's the first to say it and how often is it said?)

Surprisingly, Nathan was the first to say it. It happened when you were comforting him after one of his many nightmares. He tucked his head under your chin and you ran your fingers through his hair. You let him sob and tell you all about it, while comforting him. Nathan realised in this moment, how this is the first and only time someone has treated him so gently and softly. In comparison, everyone else treats him like trash. So, in the darkness of the night he muttered a small, "I love you." And his heart was pounding agaisnt his ribcage as he waited for your response. "I love you too, idiot." You said back, kissing his forehead.

You only share "I love yous" in intimate and private moments. Nathan doesn't like the idea of just saying it every five seconds, because then he thinks it loses it's meaning. So, you both always cherish your "I love you" moments because you can tell how sincere it is.

J - jealousy (how jealous do they get?)

Jesus Christ, this man can go from zero to one hundred real quick. If he sees you having a conversation with a guy he isn't friends with for a little too long, he's marching over and making an obvious display that your taken. If he sees someone straight up flirty with you, he'll straight up tell them to fuck off. When they eventually leave, he'll kiss you with a burning desire, as if proving that you're all his. Despite all of this, he's never angry at you. He'll never say that you were purposely leading the guy on or anything. He trusts your loyalty.

K - kisses (their thoughts on kissing)

Nathan's all for kissing and making out, but not so much in public. He'll stick his tongue down your throat to his heart's content in the safety of your rooms, but not in public. He'll kiss your cheek, or peck your lips quickly in public, so people don't see him as soft and vulnerable.

But drunk and high Nathan is a whole over story. He'll take you to a quieter area of a Vortex party and press himself agaisnt you while you're backed up agaisnt a wall. You can't say you don't love him like this, but you do remind him that you can't do this here because of how fast photos and videos spread around Blackwell. You don't want him to do something he'll regret while he's not even sober.

L - little ones (their thoughts on having children)

Honestly, Nathan is fucking terrified of having kids. Purely because, he fears that he'll turn into his father. If it ever were to happen, he definitely wants to be in the right state of mind, not on any illegal drugs and not drinking any alcohol. He really doesn't want to fuck up raising his kids, like he has with everything else (his opinion).

If his father comments on how he thinks that Nathan is doing a shit job as a dad, his heart will shatter into a million pieces, because someone confirmed his biggest fear. But you and his sisters make sure to tell his dad to shut the fuck up and assure Nathan that he is doing a good job and he is a good dad.

M - mornings (how do mornings usually go?)

When you're still in Blackwell, mornings last only for a couple of minutes. You wake up from the light bleeding through the curtains and listen to the students starting their day in their dorms. You and Nathan sleepily talk about how shit your days are gonna be, while pressing lazy kisses to each other's skin.

When you're on summer break, or you've graduated and in your own home, your mornings are so much more relaxed. You stay in bed for atleast two hours, holding each other and telling each other how beautiful you think one another are with sleepy voices. It takes you atleast half an hour to convince Nathan that you actually need to start your day.

N - nights (how do your nights go?)

When you're still at Blackwell, your nights start with one of you sneaking into the other's room. Then, you watch a movie on his laptop and cuddle in bed, sleepy kisses passed between you both before sleep consumes you.

When your on summer break, or you've graduated and living in your own home, nights are more calm and layed back. You huddle up under the covers and do whatever you want. Watch a movie, talk about your days, make out 👀. You end up falling asleep way later than you do when you were at Blackwell, as you have more freedom over your schedules.

O - open (how open are they about your relationship?)

It takes a few months for Nathan to annouce your dating, he just wants to make sure that this isn't just a fling or something and that it's for real. He doesn't show PDA alot, but people know that your dating, mostly because Nathan wouldn't let anyone get as physically close to him as you do if you were just friends.

P - patience (how much patience do they have with you?)

Nathan is alright with you requiring some time to figure something out in your relationship, considering how much time he needs in your relationship aswell. If you need him with you alot of the time, he doesn't mind that either. He admires your presence.

Q - quizzes (how much do they remember about you? Like little details?)

It might not seem like it, but Nathan is very observant of the things you say. He makes mental notes of your interests that you've mentioned and stuff you've said you want. Which is why he's an amazing gift giver. If you say you like something as a one off, months later on your birthday he's got it wrapped up for you. "Nathan, this was five hundred dollars!" "So?"

R - remember (their favourite memory with you)

Nathan's favourite memory of him and you is your first kiss. He took you to the lighthouse and you were looking out at the sea, a golden ray of sunshine lighting up your face. Discreetly, Nathan pulled out his camera and snapped a photo of you, causing you to turn to him. You tried to grab his camera to delete the photo, but he raised it above his head, where you couldn't reach. You were up on your tiptoes, trying to snatch the camera, not realising how close you and Nathan were. You stumbled forward a little and Nathan instinctively wrapped an arm around your waist to steady you. You looked into his eyes and he looked into yours. Before you knew it, his lips were on yours.

S - security (how protective are they of you?)

This man is able to act as your boyfriend and your gaurd dog. It's well known around the school that Nathan and you are an item and that your both off limits. So, when the oblivious new kid was trying to hit on you, Nathan was beyond fuming. You're surprised there wasn't any steam coming out of his ears. Nathan was fully prepared to smash the new kid's nose into sidewalk, but you felt bad for him and let him down easy, telling him that you already had a boyfriend. That's when Nathan appeared. You subconsciously stepped inbetween them, knowing that Nathan was about to become uncontrollable. The kid hastily left after seeing the dirty look Nathan was throwing his way over your shoulder. That's the plus of having a gaurd dog boyfriend, he's an asshole but he's your asshole, so you can some what calm down his anger.

T - try (how much effort do they put into dates, anniversaries etc)

When it comes to dates, Nathan uses his rich boy privileges. He takes you out of Arcadia Bay and into a nice town that has an even nicer restaurant. As much as you love that Nathan has spent all this money on you, you don't like these type of dates as much as you would like. You know, that Nathan isn't being his real self when he does things like this, he's just doing it because this is what a stereotypical boyfriend should do. You prefer it when he takes you to quieter places within Arcadia Bay, like the Two Whales, the lighthouse and the beach at sunset.

When it comes to anniversaries, Nathan only cares about the main ones, like when you two got together and when you got married etc. He doesn't really care that much about the more little ones. But he does go all out for anniversaries, again because he knows that this is what a boyfriend/husband should stereotypically do. He gets you expensive gifts and takes you to the lighthouse, where you share so many fond memories.

U - ugly (a bad habit of theirs)

Nathan has a habit of putting his status first beyond anything else. Which means that sometimes he does stuff that he doesn't really want to do, purely because it will make him look cooler and boost his popularity. This is why he doesn't like PDA, because he fears that people will make fun of him for loving someone.

V - Vanity (how insecure are they?)

Nathan is very insecure about so many things. He's made this facade that he presents infront of everyone, so they don't get to see the damage behind it. You can see right through it, but you'd never call him out on it. You both have a silent agreement that when he let's his gaurd down with you it stays between the two of you.

W - whole (do they feel while when they're with you?)

Yes, one hundred per cent. He feels so complete and content when he's with you, because he knows he doesn't have to act like someone else. He can just be him. And you love seeing the real Nathan and how you can now understand him so much better.

X - xtra (a random headcannon)

Nathan can't sleep in silence. He needs a tv on, or his laptop playing something, or a playlist playing on his phone. He can't sleep without something playing in the background, because when he's left in silence he over thinks things too much. The sound distracts him and eases his mind.

Y - yuck (a personality trait they hate)

Nathan hates it when people try to get close to him just for popularity, or just to try and get closer to the Prescott family. He can't stand people using him and he doesn't have time for it. So, if someone tries that with him he tells them to fuck off and he can ruin their lives in a millisecond.

Z - zzz (sleeping habits)

Nathan has to sleep holding onto you somehow. He has to be holding onto your arm, or keeping one of your legs entangled with his own. This isn't really sleeping habit, but he has a fucked up sleep schedule. Like he'll wake up at five in the morning one night and then only just get into bed at five in the morning another night. #fixthisman'ssleepschedule

[sugar-omi]

Before I say anything else, I swear to god I’m not a purist or one of those weirdos who value virginity or think premarital sex is wrong

BUT do you think Rockstar Cove would feel bad (not exactly guilty, unless you like him pathetic like that like I do, but more like regret) about being a hoe before meeting MC? Like yeah he fucked around a lot for fun but now he knows none of it could measure up to doing it with MC, who he would literally move heaven and earth and kill his lifelong dream for and his first time would’ve been so different if it was with the one he loved

Bonus if MC is a virgin because I think that would definitely make him feel guilty for not “waiting” for them and not “giving” them his first time (again, not for religious reasons or anything, just because of emotional intimacy)

I love torturing him and wanna see him in distress hahaha 😈

first of all- SAME. i feel like, i might come across as religious sometimes, all imma say is dont ask me SHIT abt the bible or religion or anything. i fell asleep every time i went to chruch and god is SICK of me using his name in my filthy smut fics, i know it

BUT OMG YES. this this this...

i like to imagine he doesn't sleep around too much, he needs a bit of a connection for that, plus he's a celebrity so he can't sleep around nearly as much unless he's trying to get a fan pregnant or get a new stalker. so his body count isn't through the roof, but it certainly isn't low...

but he is at the very least a flirt. he'll flirt with you up and down the street, maybe even eat you out/suck you off, and if you're really lucky, get your back blown the fuck out.

when he meets MC though... all of that is over the second you make eye contact. he's obsessed with you, cant get you out of his head and he needs to see you again, needs to hear your voice and your laugh... he's totally done for, all he wants is you now and he's never felt like that before...

doesn't really know how to act because he hasn't been a long-term or one-person man until now but he absolutely cannot let you go.

if you've never been in a relationship before, it's been awhile since your last date, or only in one or two relationships that were more or less serious, he's anxious about being perfect for you.

he doesn't wanna scare you off, as if his fame and public image isn't bad enough.

oh my god if he learns you're a virgin though... he's dead. his heart has stopped...

immediately asks if you're serious, and what the fuck, and now he's worried you won't wanna have sex with him, would you trust him to take your v-card? has he slept with too many people for you to be comfortable with sleeping with him? is or would he be taking advantage of you? what if you hate having sex with him?

he's spiraling. he's thinking too many thoughts and its up to you to bring him down and tell him that you trust him, you wanna have sex with him and you are sure you won't hate it.

omg when he tells you how he wishes he could've given you his virginity, that he wishes he waited for you. you have to laugh, he's so silly... because how was he supposed to know that he was gonna meet the love of his life? if he knew, would he have believed it and waited or laughed and went about his business?

when you do finally decide to have sex... cove goes the full 9 yards, takes you on a lovely vacation, buys you anything and everything you look at twice, gets the most expensive hotel room he can find and spoils you absolutely rotten.

has the lights down low, candles lit and flickering gently along the absurdly luxurious room and he takes care of you.. slowly undressing you, kissing every inch of skin and whispering sweet nothings.

pulls you apart with his tongue again and again until you're weak and trembling, begging him to hurry up and just move onto the good part...

he doesn't fuck you, he makes love to you. it's all so sweet and intimate that even he can't help but feel like it's his first time again, his heart beating nervously and he's a bit shaky, moving automatically in ways he knows from experience.

he would cry, he has his arms around you, hardly moving his hips in a way that's satisfying to your long aching body because he's so intent on being gentle with you, treasuring you and tending to you...

cries and tells you how much he loves you, how much he treasures you and that he'll take care of you forever. that you're his soulmate, begs you drunkenly not to leave him and be his forever, to stay with him and love him and let him love you and spoil you. that he'll give you everything he has, materially, mind, body, and soul, everything is yours.

he promises that you're the only one for him now, that no one else will or could ever take your place and that he's always going to be yours in the end.

if this is what your first time is like.. jesus fucking christ, imagine him proposing to you.

[socksandbuttons]

I learned that Dark Sun isn’t a part of the Bean Eclipse Au…..but that made me wonder how the others would’ve reacted when Eclipse got broken by Dark Sun?

Like the weird malfunction chip thing. (I don’t know how to explain it sorry. :[)

Well consisdering this au was WAYYY before eclipse v3/4 came by. (I know what you meant by the chip thing) I dont know how we'd get there. But heres to thinking of the hypothetical scenerio

Solar Flare would notice first. And by notice first I mean, after Eclipse is deliberately hiding it. (He still struggles to let people know when somethings wrong.) Confronted I do think Eclipse would let Solar Flare help find what it is. Without much luck- Eclipse getting more sluggish and struggling to move about gets more obvious. KC having to find out that way instead of being told (Something Solar Flare told Eclipse NOT to do-), pisses him off but that's not something he wants to focus on. Just asking Eclipse what happened- And hearing about a Dark Sun? KC's furious on Eclipse messing with the portal but determined to get Moon AND Monty to check his systems. They don't find anything at first. Considering they don't know what it is they're suppose to look for (what's out of place- But as we see in the episode it might not be what's added thats off but whats transmitting instead)

The slower and more ragged he gets, all the coughing is just distressing everyone. All except Bloodmoon. Who hasn't let up on his own bullying. Lunar even tries to ignore it but its hard to ignore that when you see him all the time. Opting to get between Bloodmoon and Eclipse more. KC being a stressed parent with a sick kid, is trying to find this Dark Sun, is lashing out or trying not to. Almost fruitless- Moon and Sun are on edge really, they may have mixed emotions on Eclipse however they're trying to help, Sun opting to hold Eclipse more (which makes eclipse mad but mans tired). Hell even moons proximity isn't getting Moon swiped at by Eclipse. Bloodmoon doesn't change his behavior, still kicking when Eclipse is down. Obviously this leads to everyone getting frustrated at him. Bloodmoon backs down for now but like- clearly isnt regretting it. Its only until KC snaps at Bloodmoon that its clear Bloodmoon backs off. Very quietly too. KC just has to sit with that for a moment. (he goes crush somethings, meditate for a while-) Lets see here, if this is resolved and the source found- Or maybe even just stops. Eclipse is alleviated. Everyone breaths a sigh of relief. They're still checking Eclipses' systems that they realize they overlooked something. Its only when its gone they realize what it couldve been but since its stopped they cant trace it. Bloodmoon does come back, he doesnt apologize to Eclipse, KC however takes bloodmoon away to properly talk. It doesnt go so well-

Eclipse isn't liking the fact Bloodmoon was just acting as himself but not surprised hell not even expected much else. Lunar... lunar did expect better. He's disappointed but- hey thigns are fine now. They can handle this KC can handle this- Solar Flare meanwhile finds Bloodmoon scratching at walls- and at himself. KC comes back, asked how Bloodmoon is. KC doesnt respond on that. Asks Eclipse how hes feeling. And what that Dark Sun had said. Solar Flare comes back arm torn off, asking what had happened to bloodmoon. This is getting rather long actually hmn. Anyway to the point, Eclipse gets chipped- handles it badly, Bloodmoon's own shenanigans lands him in hot water not just with KC but with Dark Sun. Which would get mostly everyone involved, Eclipse would get mad at Bloodmoon for even going near that guy but Dark Sun wouldve approached Bloodmoon. Which still would set off Eclipse cause thats Red Flags AND SOMEONE WASNT THINKIGN ABOUT THAT. Uh I dont know how this ends, Dark Sun's pretty smart enough but with the Bean AU its a bit more hmn, no one has died- uh again? For him to get Moon spiraling. He would use Bloodmoon given Bloodmoons more prone to just instigating stuff. He was probably hoping for Bloodmoon to kill someone by now actually. However KC;s convo with Bloodmoon, Eclipse in general and Solar Flare would be the ones to keep from everyone completely disowning Bloodmoon from attacking Solar Flare and general disregard to Eclipses health.

[extravalgant]

i looove azteca from like. a narrative stand point

because we have this hero and thats you. were practically the stuff of legends by arc 2 just because of what kind of experience we have under our belt. we've never lost a fight, and it's assumed that we never will. that's how powerful the wizard is—everyone expects them to win, expects light to triumph shadow

and when we fail.... well. it shocks everyone doesnt it? people get angry. people get disappointed. to the wizard, who has never known failure or disappointment, it must feel like an entirely new thing. this culture was here for thousands and thousands of years—a culture and a people you never knew about until you were brought into the spiral.

and now because of you its gone. because you failed to save it and stop morganthe, its gone. and i think merle's passiveness about this situation hits a little differently this way—i read it more as disappointment, anyways. and to someone who has never known defeat, not to this capacity, with this many casualities and victims, the disappointment feels a little more crushing, doesn't it? the wizard is supposed to be a hero summoned from the legends, from a place not beyond a spiral where they had not heard of magic, and it feels like they let everyone down.

this imo is where morganthe truly establishes herself as a villain. i mean she already was a villain before imo BUT bringing a grieving man back from the dead to puppet around AND destroying a world is just straight up evil (and i love that). people like to complain about the malistaire bit which is valid in some cases but i think it really does sell the frivolity in which she chooses to go about things. like hey heres a man you killed with your own hands. probably when you were young. i brought him back from the dead to use as my pawn and now you have to fight him again btw. using a dead grieving man for my own goals. and then the fact that we cant beat him at the end, to 'send him back', is just another way she gets a leg up on us. she leaves us with unfinished business and xibalba destroying azteca is just icing on the already fucked up cake she's given us.

shes TAUNTING us. and this is important because it does come back to us in khrysalis—no doubt the wizard is still haunted by the sins of their past; their failure to save azteca. they have to get through this bit, to learn to let it go, before they can learn shadow magic. after all this, it's still stuck with us—our failure, one that she spearheaded.

dont even get me started on the wizard learning shadow magic maaaaaan because now they share one thing in common—they know shadow magic. they wield shadow magic. and shadow magic is so reviled that it's forbidden. no one else but her can really understand the isolation that comes with learning shadow magic, and it parallels the wizard and her even more because neither of them had a choice! the shadow magi turned morganthe into the shadow queen she is today, and we are subsequently forced to learn shadow magic and do the same if they ever have a chance at defeating her. i love it. i LOVE it. i love azteca... i love khrysalis....

[ganondoodle]

okay i do have to do a mini (i call it mini now.. this is just letting my feelings about it out, so its spelled agressively bc im just so .. frustrated ... also not hate to the studio or the people working on it .. obviously >_>) rant about arcane-

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR ARCANE SEASON 2

its the most beautiful show ever produced, i mean it, its style, fortiche's (the studio) style, is just .... impossibly pretty, 3d and 2d, the animation is just so GOOD, the designs largely (like 95%) are too, the acting and sound design, the voice acting (at least the english one) is so emotional and good, the show in general is just good ... until the last episode

i have my own problems with riot declaring arcane the new canon out of nowhere and for no good reason since it was, im very sure, never conceived to be that, its a reinterpreation and works best as such, now literally everything is once again completely messed up, no one knows whats real and what isnt, no champion or story is safe, especially with the weird hexcore bullshit potentially erasing the VOID (whish is like ... half on which the canon was built on tbh) AND hextech- multiple champions being impossible to exist now .... but thats not what i wanted to talk about

i was pretty on board with everything the show did, though i wasnt a big fan of the whole hexcore stuff, but it all spiraled so far out of control, it just kept making everything worse, also with bringing in the black rose and leblanc, it kept piling stuff onto the plate despite them already compressing everything so drastically; espeically regarding viktor, but i kept my hope up even after season 2s act 2 bc it still seemed 'fixable', though not easily so

what i liked about it (in its writing) despite its pacing issues was that it was rather .. self contained for the longest time, focused on the characters and the class struggle of piltover and zaun, and doing so rather well imo, like it did and said things i did not expect riot to let through

i was worried with the alternate universe stuff that came with the escalating hexcore bullshit but held onto hope even until episode 8 and then ...man .. the last episode ... the fuck was that- like i hate timetravel and multiverses and whatever but the thing with ekko was done rather neatly ... they made all those chaarcter models and sets just for that short stuff and really .. was of little use other than getting heimerdinger out of the picture as well lmao maybe he will get his own series to advertise for 200 dollar skins in league hahaaaa but i guess the main point was to give ekko the z-drive ... which feels alot like what i feared about them forcing it to comply with the characters in game ,,,, even though that wasnt for everyone like warwick was done SO dirty after giving me hope in act two

everythings focused on the hexcore/arcane shit, theres the black rose shit (honestly i think it was a mistake bringing them in too bc .. noxus is its entire own region with so many champs and story itself that got connected via ambessa .. which was a new character the show made up until they made her a champ now .. its just too much to put into this one show already going at a breakneck pace), mel doing her bit with them then bam she mage now which felt like a champion teaser more than an organic part of the story, especialyl with how hard it got pushed later (poor little riots gotta sell more game cosmetics uwu), jayce just taking over control again and everyone going with it, singed reviving stupid version victor via using vander/warwick WHO WAS STILL ALIVE AFTER ISHA BLEW HERSELF UP TO STOP HIM FROM KILLING EVERYONE (which was ALREADY pretty cheap, but i guess jinx had to be even more suicidal than she already was heehoo), dont even ask me HOW, viktor was just whoops from corpse to im a cocoon now, ambessa being so obsessed with it, the entire class struggle being """"solved"""" by piltover and zaun fighting stupid viktors weird ass robot shitheads together and then acting like giving sevika a seat at the council is the solution to it, half the cast just dying horribly for honestly no reason?? ORIANNA being now i guess some weird viktor robot but without the mindcontrol part and singed just kinda ... winning i guess by giving her cocoon some goo of stupid viktors cocoon

it just all ... turning from this so drama, character and class struggle thing into weird ass dimension hopping magical world war that all gets solved bc we fought together once uwu AND it being a fucking timeloop WITHIN what ONE episode? and that being the ENDING (i know i know the hexcore bs was building up throughout the show but it still felt so .. unearned and sudden ... )

also i got personal gripes with the 'ending' bc .. was it REALLY an ending like they kept saying?? was it?? viktor, jayce, heimerdinger, jinx are just disappeared i guess, mel going back to noxus- the fucking 'our story isnt over' tease???? the last minute appearance of swains fucking raven???? pecking at something blue and shining like idk a hex crystal??? SHUT UP i dont want more to come, this story should have had its self containing ending, not this open ended bullshit that just reeks of corporate meddling bc they want their game to connect to their popular show as much as possible now so we gotta bring in as many teases and connections to other champions YIPPIEEEEE (yelling)

also if jinx is dead, wow, what a way to end her story, the traumatized suicidal character being tortured and tortured especially after seemingly having something good for once (i liked act 2 except for its ending the most bc ... man jinx was so enjoyable there, i loved her dynamic with vi and isha and half wolf vander warwick with the beast and man struggle i love alot, that part was genuinely beautiful, i wasnt a fan of the idea of idk ekko doing time stuff and them having a happy ending bc i just dont like going back in time to fix everything kinda stuff, but i would have much much prefered that, not changing the existing story into the perfect world where everythings happy (though i liked that part ... vander silco being gay husbands like that is just so goood) but to fix what is fixable in the present- them still having gone through alot but being able to live with it, so act 2 setup was honestly my favorite way to not invalidate everything and still have something happy .... but no we gotta kill the kid to make jinx even worse and vander/warwick too while we are at it

if shes not dead (given you see a blimp(?) flying away and her scribbles showing up and caitlyn looking at the blueprints of the hexgates) then ... ??? oh yeah lets make her leave zaun and just idk go be the main character in noxus or soemthing for the next show they are gonna do bc jinx is popular so putting her everywhere is a good idea!!!1!!11

ALSO since vander/warwick is my favorite .. i thought maybe after isha doing that, if they dont reverse it, hed get taken by singed again or ran away and turned fully werewolf like he is in the game (though i would have liked if they were able to be a weird family like in act2)- but no he just gets used as fuel for stupid viktor cocoon and then mind erased and made into the ugliest weird robot thing that looks more like galio than him JUST and i feel like it really is JUST to have Vi at the end do the scene that gets jinx 'killed' .. to lead into the 'more to come' teaser.. idk about you but that scene felt so .. forced, the typical oh no platform is slowly falling down but Vi suddendly gets emotional about weird ugly robot warwick (who conveniently comes back to life as ugly robot beast since his human mind got erased but not the beast??? i guess???) and completely ignores jinx yelling at her to get to safety, it felt so WEIRD to me (if you gotta do him like that at least let Vi listen to jinx, them embracing and then watchign emotionally as robo vanderwick falls into the hexgate thing .. that was still active somehow i guess??)

(poor viktor got done so dirty too .. i liked him .. until it all went weird wit hthe hexcore stuff ....... ..... also jayce weird speech to him .. why the FUCK did you not do that back in the cult camp instead of blasting him to bits, i get it he was fucked up from seeing the future, but then later hes just ... okay???? pretty fine all things considered??? and pretty aware of everything?? also his weird speech being all like vitkor actually you were perfect in your imperfection BITCH HE WAS SLOWLY DYING AN AGONIZING DEATH???? idk ??? it all feels so weird to me, like there episodes literally missing- ambessa dying also felt so unnecessary .. just so mel can take her place and go to noxus and have more shows maybe- )

i just .... and just like how i cant enjoy botw anymore after them fucking it all up with totk ... i dont know if i will rewatch arcane knowing it ends like that, what was that for, the most beautiful show ever made just to do a game of thrones ending in a single episode?

im so tired of it all ..... im so tired of being disappointed and feeling let down over and over no matter with how little expectations i go in with

this willl be the only arcane rant unless theres some .. big stupid reveal that gets me more frustrated than i am now, which i hope there isnt .. im tired of being and feeling like this .. i just want to enjoy things, everythings going to shit IRL and i cant even find something enjoyable to watch

[malereadermaniac]

Go to bed ~ Leon Kuwata x Male Reader

Leon trying to flirt word count: 650 m!reader (no genitalia mentioned) / FDNI

It was early in the evening, 9pm sharp

You'd been scrolling mindlessly on tiktok for the past hour

You come across a video you felt you just needed to share, so you post it on your Insta story

Hoping you can making your friends giggle at it

Of course, Sayaka replies to it, and the two of you spiral into a conversation

But halfway through your convo with Sayaka, you get a message from none other than Leon

You and Leon were good friends, you liked the red-head, you went to hid games and cheered him on louder than anyone else

He fucking loved it when he heard your voice in the crowd

Leon had recently realised he had the fattest crush on you, so he did what any reasonable person would do and asked a friend for help

However, that friend he asked was Mondo.

Who encouraged Leon to talk to you as much as he could and to try exert dominance

"Cause a guy like (y/n) would totally love a dominant typa guy ya know?" - verbatim Mondo's advice to Leon

You end your conversation with Sayaka and go check what Leon sent you

It was a short reply to your story

"Go to bed, it's late"

You audibly chuckled, you looked at the time on your phone

It was barely 9:30

What the hell was Leon on to be going to bed so early?

"Bro it's 9:30 it's so early wdym???"

"This is actually late for me, I go to bed at 9 pm, its much better for you yk"

"Oh really now?"

"Yeah, clearly why I'm so much healthier and better than you"

Oh no...

Leon clearly misunderstood the kind of dominance Mondo meant.

....

....

"(Y/n)? You still there?"

You left him on seen again and then shut off your phone

"Oi (y/n)!"

"Shit please dont ignore me."

"I'm sorry okay"

"(Y/nnnnn)"

Leon was panicking, spam texting you as you put your phone on silent and went to bed

Guess he achieved his goal of getting you to go to bed

But he pissed you off while doing so

Truthfully you didn't care, Leon was ditzy from time to time and didn't think before he spoke

You were used to it

But you took up the opportunity to make the man frantic

You weren't thick, you knew the baseball player was crushing on you

And you were crushing on him too, hard

So knowing that Leon was now worrying that he messed up his chances with you gave you a sick pleasure - you didn't care if it was just the tiniest bit toxic

The next morning you woke up well rested

Your phone now plastered with message notifications from a certain ginger

You open them and send one quick message

"Oops I fell asleep sorry... Guess you are better than me for that haha ❤️"

Leon stopped in his tracks when he read that message, toothpaste falling out of his mouth as he froze

The sportsman quickly finished brushing his teeth and screenshot the message

Sending it to Mondo, frantically messaging him

"WHAT DOES THE HEART MEAN OMFG WHAT???"

"AHHHHH"

"HFHFJFHSJDNDN"

"Dude chill.... he defo fucks with u" mondo replies half asleep

Leon short-circuits, mindlessly changing as thoughts of a relationship with you fly through his head

He was like a schoolgirl, but he had reason to, in his eyes you were the finest of men

"Good morning~" you say with a smile as you sit down next to the muscular man

"Hey, beautiful~" he mumbles flirtily

"Oh? That's a new one?"

"Yeahhh figured I should up my game if I wanna get with you by the end of the year"

Holy shit you were shocked just how much that one heart emoji riled the ginger up

"Hold your horses, BallBoy... who said I was getting with you?" You tease him

"Oh just you wait, (n/n)..."

Short but eh whatevs!!

This has happened to me before - I doubt he meant it as anything but I just remember the situation while writing this and wtaf...

Anyway hope u enjoyed!

[saum0-0]

what do you think the mechs would be avatars of? my first thought was slaughter for the group as a whole bc,, duh. but now that im thinking about it, i think they'd be more eye/end aligned. because their whole thing is stories and the part they clearly deem most important is the end right? theres all the blood and gore in the middle but the important bit is everyone dies at the end

individually though, not as a whole group they're all sorts of stuff i think

ashes would be desolation for sure with all the fire and the likes, and hades makes me think web too? they're the one behind the scenes pulling the strings (granted, usually for their own entertainment but who can blame em really)

toy soldier would be stranger, once again for obvious reasons. im not really sure if theres much crossover on this one really.

jonny i reckon would be eye and slaughter, mans cares for two things and its violent crime and a good story (amen!)

brian is SO lonely coded like?? its in the backstory song man,, also vague end-ness probably, though tbf they probably all have that end cloud by virtue of being the mechanisms. maybe vast too

tim would be slaughter too, he loves a good murder spree but i feel like theres something else and ive just forgotten like half the fears lmao OUGH hunt maybe? tim goes crazy is very hunt coded

ivy is SO immensely eye. she's literally an archivist. she gathers and stores aaallll that information but her emotional connection to it is reset every night. thats so eye!!

nastya is definitely lonely, at least towards the end but probably the whole time (from what little i know of cyberian demons) and maybe dark? that ones 100% vibes i have no explanation

marius has very spiral vibes i think. hes just a silly guy ur honour i think he deserves it. i cant really think of any other one for him tbh

and raph is quite stranger coded i think, idk the detachment from humanity that comes with being a mad scientist just feels very stranger to me? more so than the average mechs detatchment from humanity

i dont know why i made this post but ive been rotating end/eye mechs in my brain for a couple days just because i think the idea of s5 jmart stumbling across a domain thats kind of an accumulation of the various album aettings and music that can be heard from anywhere in the domain and victims living/reliving the parts of the characters is very very cool and i needed to word vomit it somewhere