#joel miller x black reader

[stargirlfics]

So Much Goddamn Talkin’

Joel Miller x Black F!Reader

Summary: Sometimes Joel has to quiet the noise in your head. Luckily he’s quite good at that.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, post outbreak—Jackson era, mutual pining, friends to lovers vibe, established relationship, some mentions of anxiety, feelings and fluff, competency kink, soft dom!joel vibes, smut: oral (both receiving), fingering, soft intense PiV, unprotected sex, praise kink, daddy kink, come marking

*reader is written and described as black but anyone is welcome and encouraged to read!

Word Count: 6k

Currently obsessed with the thought of older, domestic Joel in a relationship and couldn’t stop myself from getting carried away! Enjoy!

It wasn’t like this was the first time you’d ever spoken to Joel.

On the contrary, what had started as a timid friendship became something else entirely with one spontaneous kiss that only the stars bore witness to that night. 

A silly dream of romance had landed right in your lap despite the crumbling of the old world behind you, taking everything with it and yet they took your breath away constantly, like a whirlwind, two grounding anchors were now tethered to your heart and their names were Joel and Ellie. 

So why were you so nervous? 

Sighing softly, you decided to blame it on the watchful glances Joel was giving you from across the yard, distracting you from the book you were reading. Eye contact with him could feel like the most searing heat, spreading like wildfire and at the same time the deepest depths of comfort. 

Not always being a man of many words, the things he could express with a simple look or the weight of a hand fascinated you, made you fall so dangerously hard and with a certainty you’d never felt before. 

Therefore you reasoned it simply couldn’t be your fault for being distracted and wanting him so much right now. Not when he made you feel this way without even having to try very hard. 

You just needed to take a moment to soak it all in, a blooming hope carried in on the breeze now that it was the beginning of spring in Jackson, the wildflowers and planted seeds starting to sprout, and the soil and your own souls teeming with life after so long spent just surviving. Now there was space for healing. 

Space for you to sit in the rocking chair Joel had worked on for months as a birthday present to you, or watch him get around to all the house projects (because once a contractor always a contractor) and strum out the prettiest chords on his guitar late in the evenings out on the porch. 

This felt more like living and you never wasted a moment to covet it. 

“You’re doing an awful lot of staring, Miller.” You looked up from the same page for the fifth time to catch him already looking your way. 

He blinked and put another nail into the wood post he was working on. 

“Hm, well damn right I am when you look the way you do. Now if I told you it’s been at least ten minutes since you’ve turned a page in that book you just might have to admit you’ve been starin’ too.” 

There was that little smirk you knew so well, dancing on his lips as if he knew just how much it would drive you crazy, the confirmation that you hadn’t been subtle in the slightest either. 

“Well, you’re out here giving me a show.” You make a point to turn to the next page then, looking away before he could throw you a look at the sass in your tone. 

He was right of course but what he didn’t know was that reading had started all this to begin with. 

The tattered novel had been a surprise find on a patrol one day and came with an unexpected eroticism, bits of dialogue and tantalizing imagery on the page you were stuck on making your mind wander and wonder. 

It’s why you felt a little nervous, caught off guard, suddenly wishing you were in bed and underneath him. 

He flashes his teeth at you, that smirk widening into a smile at your reply, his attention returning to the tools in his hands but your own continued to linger. Remembering. 

A few nights before in particular, when he was fucking into you so deep you had to bite the sheets to keep your moans down. You could still picture the definition of his arms as they cradled you and kept the headboard from colliding into the wall at the same time. 

Or how good you knew it felt when his broad palms swat across your ass, never failing to make you yield to him with such eagerness. 

You wished you could have your hands on him now, petting, feeling, showing him how much he was desired and cared for, how much you wanted to be filled by him, stretched out and aching with nothing but his name in your mind and on the tip of your tongue for hours.

Those stray thoughts had you turning back a page, leaning into the slow burning fire lit underneath you. 

Still unsure of how to initiate these desires, you didn’t want to distract him from something he’d been trying to get around to doing for awhile and at the same time felt a thrill at the idea of tugging him away, leading him to bed. 

With some hesitation you decided to bide your time for a bit longer, getting caught up in words that made you squirm imagining Joel doing and saying them. 

God, you weren’t sure how much more of this you could keep up, feeling the slick pooling of arousal between your thighs, the way you wanted to grind against nothing already. 

Joel finished repairing the post in no time and moved on to patch up a hole in the wall of the old shed, unaware of your internal dilemma. 

Eventually he gathered up his tools and stored them away, told you he was gonna head in and wash up but that you should keep relaxing out here for as long as you wanted and he’d get started on preparing things for dinner later. 

He left you with a kiss to your temple and the lingering familiarity of his touch. Handsome and sweet, he was going to be the death of you. 

Your mind felt too restless to keep sitting but you took him up on the suggestion just for awhile longer, trying to find the right way to move things in the direction you wanted. Family dinner wasn’t for another four hours and Ellie would be here a bit early but there was still time and you wanted to make the most of it. 

So you finished off another chapter and finally closed the novel, ushered inside with the echo of birdsongs and the steady thumping of your heart in your ribs. 

–

Joel had been so sure you hadn’t noticed his repeated stares as much as he’d noticed yours, bowing his head under the warm spray of the shower he could only think of how pretty you looked sitting there while he worked, fond of the fact that you liked to be next to him even if he was occupied.  

At first he couldn’t wrap his head around it and was almost too unnerved and bewildered by the fact that you took such an interest. 

Not at all used to someone touching him or looking at him like he was their entire world but that’s the only way you looked at him and as much as he had tried to be measured, tried not to get attached, he had come around to the idea of a relationship again. 

Loving people was frightening, something he felt he’d lost the ability to do properly after all these years, all the blood staining his hands and his conscience.

He had lost so much, seen too much death and feared he would only bring ruin, that he would lose her too, until you came along and turned everything he thought he knew on its head. 

Oh what secrets and stories of loss he had told you in the quiet of night, when old nightmares and new guilts collided and kept him from sleeping though that was much less these days now that you slept by his side every night. 

It had been a long time since he’d shared his bed and now it made him smile thinking of how natural it felt to wake up next to you, how easy it was to be around you, in the quiet moments he could see how the foundations you’d both built together had been made solid and steadfast over time. 

Silly to think how he fretted over ruining his friendship with you all that time ago, the way everyone was sick of him in the days leading up to when he would finally ask if you were interested because they all knew he had nothing to worry about and those worries in his head were swiftly put to rest when you tugged at his shirt to pull him closer and asked what had taken him so long.

He’d never forget that moment. 

Joel thought then that this was the moment he knew but quickly learned there would actually be a collection of moments–several times a day–that would remind him just how hooked on you he really was.

Like the times he showed his age and your sweet giggles and clever retorts always followed soon after, or how much he’s come to love the summertime because your brown skin basked in the sunlight is like art to him and he relishes every chance he gets to see you exactly as you are.

You brought a fullness and meaning to life here, encouraging him to slow down, to breathe. Taking care of one another made him stronger, nourished in ways he didn’t think were possible.  

“Honey.”

He grits the word out like he’s trying to call you up here, reminded of how lucky he felt to have you, to be so connected.

Watching you walk around batting your eyes acting like you don’t know that it’s the pretty, round edges of your nose, the smile lines, the plush of your hips and that glowing thing inside you beating in your chest that drives him crazy. 

Simply put, he was impressed by you. Constantly. You could handle yourself, skilled in your own right, already handy with weapons long before he was in your life and even more proficient now, deadly, with the things he’d taught you since. 

You were resourceful and calm in tricky situations or when quick medical training was needed and yet none of the carnage of infected and worse terrors ever changed the soft way you tended to people, almost like you couldn’t help but give a little extra love. 

And you had certainly spared many an ounce of that love for him; he’d forgotten how good it felt to smile this much over someone, can’t remember the last time he felt this way and definitely can’t remember the last time he’s seen his Ellie look at someone with such admiration either. 

Everything about you captured his attention and he was grateful to be able to live some sort of life again after so much heartache, after believing he could never have these kinds of things for himself. 

Those hands of his could scorch the Earth but you made him understand they could build things too, could show love and give pleasure just as well and just as fiercely. 

Sometimes he wasn’t sure if he was doing a good job of it. 

All he knew was that he never wanted to let you go and that was enough for him. 

–

When you venture into the bedroom you find him getting dressed, hair tousled from being towel dried, another wave of aching bloomed in your core as you thank yourself for having nudged him into letting it grow out a bit during the colder months. 

He looked so handsome doing nothing at all in particular you were sure you’d implode if you didn’t just come out with it, you just hope he wouldn’t mind doing some undressing again. 

“Hey, honey.” 

His voice was low and gentle, the familiar pet name in his usual smooth rasp made you stride forward, sending you surging into his arms so that you were squished against his chest. He tilted his head at you just slightly in question before you were pressing your lips to his.

Your mouths met so tenderly at first, fingertips bursting with a nervous energy as they reached for his shirt, grasping needily as you lost yourself in the slow ease of the way he kissed you back.

But a little spark of anxiety makes you tense, overthinking the kiss, feeling a little silly for just how turned on you were, how much he could see it written all over you, dripping quite literally in desperation even if you tried to reason with yourself that you knew there wasn’t anything wrong with that. 

“J-Joel…shit,” you whined and huffed through sloppy kisses, slowly finding yourself being walked backwards and held firm against the closest wall, “Oh…we don’t have to do this if-” 

“The hell are you goin’ on about?” Joel grumbled against the column of your neck and all ability to articulate went out the window.

Rationally you knew it was a pretty good indication he wasn’t bothered by the spontaneity from the way those strong hands of his were already underneath your shirt, pinching almost in the haste to grip your flesh but you were already overthinking and it held persistent. 

“Just…if you’re tired, I understand. We can wait till tonight. I don’t want you to feel obligated.” Your words were huffed out in nervous gasps, trying to will your knees not buckle when his scruff teased a swipe across your jaw. 

Joel pulled back then so you’d have to look at him, knowing the anxious flit of your lashes well. 

He knew what to watch for, patient when you needed reassurance that you were free to run wild with your desires, that he was never tired of having you bare and wrapped around him at any hour of the day but this was of no consequence, he’d make sure you knew where he stood.

Shaking his head, he doesn’t give you more than a moment to suck in a breath before his hands leave your waist to hold your face. 

“So much goddamn talkin’, sweetheart,” the words are a heavy growl against your lips in between heavier kisses, “Think I need to remind you of some things and put those thoughts out of your mind, yeah?” 

Your whole body felt hot, flushed with desire and aching for whatever he was going to do to remind you, nodding before your tongue could catch up with your agreeing thoughts. 

“Let me show you.” Joel caged you in against the wall, broad shoulders blocking everything else out. 

The steady rise and fall of his chest became your focal point and new arousal sparked at his attentiveness, so easily able to soothe, to make you unravel for him. 

“Please, I want you so much.” Your softly sighed plea turned into a whine when you were crushed to his chest again and this time there were no reservations to the embrace.

He was so good at this, making you burn for him so often you wondered sometimes how you were able to get anything done.

Hungry fingers pushed the collar of his flannel back, jeans already unbuttoned for your wandering attention to latch onto and he encouraged it with a push of his hips against yours. 

It’s an easy movement, dropping to your knees like you’ve done a hundred times before to see how just a simple kiss already had him stiff and straining against denim, teasing the kind of thickness you so badly wanted to fill your throat with. 

Your mouth watered, fingers outstretched to wrap around hot skin the moment his cock was free, unable to stop yourself now. Joel’s rough sigh following the steady pump of your hands made you glance up, meeting the intensity of his gaze and you held it there for a moment before your tongue was tasting him. 

“Look at you...already have it in your mouth like the quick learner you are,” He hissed through his teeth and you could feel where he throbs against the hollow of your cheek. 

Pride swells in your chest from the praise, knowing the tone of his voice meant the restrained edge of patience from letting you tease him back was slipping.

You could feel it in the flex of muscle underneath your hands where they’re braced on his thighs and you hoped he was proud watching your lips stretch around him, head bobbing nice and easy the way you know he liked it.

You’re unconcerned with being neat about it, slicking him up with your mouth and still trying to take him deeper, trying to take all of him in fact. 

You liked to flirt with dreams of your nose being pressed snug against Joel’s pelvis, wanted to feel him through your entire chest even if burned because there was sweetness in being deprived of oxygen like that. Call it an unwavering trust. 

You gave in to the feeling and kept your eyes focused upwards on him, trying to relax your jaw despite all the anticipation, happy to let him take control. 

“That’s it, that’s my girl. Stay just like that.” 

Listening is hardly even a thought when you’ve hung onto his every word, every movement, not minding the strain in your jaw as he rocked his hips into the wet heat of your mouth. Tongue swirling over his shaft, the thick head of him, desperate to earn it, to make him curse and growl out your name. 

The pressure of his fingers against your jaw and then the back of your head had you moaning, trying to speak while he fucks your mouth. 

“P-please, make me take it.” Your heart lept with each languid thrust of his hips sliding deep so he could feel the softening of your throat.

He’d give you whatever you asked for when you whimpered like that. 

Firm and sweet was his grip, raspy grunts and cursed out praises that flowed from his mouth even sweeter to your ears as your tongue slid over the soft, sensitive head of his cock and back down the length of him. 

You’re insatiable and any anxious thoughts still rattling around in your mind were quickly fading, replaced with his touch, his smell, his taste. The salty smear on your taste buds had you pressing your thighs together, craving relief.

“Good girl, yeah that’s it. Startin’ to understand now, sweetheart?” 

Your head tipped forward and the only response you could give was a heady moan, doing your best to nod knowing how much he’d like seeing that, the tears already welling along your lashes from the effort but you didn’t mind.

Knowing you made him tip his head back, a heavy palm braced against the wall above your head while he grunted out curses and filthier praise made you feel a dozen more times ravenous, encouraging him to keep going with sloppy, wet whimpers that were barely held back from your kiss swollen lips, stretched over every thick inch of him you could take. 

“Love watching you choke on it, honey. Fuck that's good, show me how much you can fit.” 

The sight of him is something you hoped to never forget, searching for and finding the slight snarl of his lips when the tip hits the back of your mouth and the flex of his biceps when you slide your tongue around to lick the underside of him. 

Joel could barely hold himself back, the urge to bury himself in your throat almost overwhelming but he wanted more than that, he wanted to reward you for listening so well, for how much you make him feel.  

It had been building all day and he knew you had to feel it too. He was loath to pull you off his cock, an ache through his chest at your desperate cries from the loss of contact but he was quick to remedy that with a searing kiss.  

You melt and are grateful your knees are already on the floor when your tongue meets his. It was so messy, hungry and neither of you cared. 

“Get on the bed. Go on, darlin’.” Joel’s voice sounded like warm syrup, covering you in adoring instruction, taking you and leading you where he knows is best. 

And god do you love when he was in this mood, nothing but a filthy edge to his affections. 

So you complied, ignoring the twinge in your tummy as you moved to the bed, sprawling out across sheets that smell like the both of you. 

He watches you get comfortable, loosening a few buttons and those jeans finally discarded on the floor before the distance is closed and he’s all over you. 

Every touch and caress was intentional as he undresses like he’s unwrapping a present, greedy for all of you but so passionate, so easily able to steal your breath at the same time, slowing down the tempo now that your legs have fallen open and there’s nothing left covering you. 

“Prettiest fuckin’ pussy…and she’s all mine.” Joel admires you for a moment, firm hands tickling your thighs while his thumbs circled the soft, sensitive junction of your thigh so close to where you wanted him most. 

The praise has you sighing breathlessly, peeking down to see the way he was looking at where you glisten, a sureness to his features that made you feel safe all while the clench of his jaw sent goosebumps across your arms.

You want to echo that he’s right but he doesn’t let you have the chance, a broad palm sliding down over the hair covering your mound, tugging at it gently before two thick fingers are swirling over your folds. 

Muscles jolting, you were rocking up into a touch that is so expert and familiar you are helpless against it.

“Joel, oh! That feels so good,” You’re panting, trying to catch your breath while your body responds to the tight circles he was rubbing against your clit.

“Yeah? ‘Can tell. You’re so slick, honey. Did suckin’ me off get you this worked up?” 

Your nod is pure reflex, hips grinding against his movements needing to chase the pleasure that was slowly oozing its way into your system. 

It’s only something he can do and he’s so steady, so thorough with you even as you squirm, those two fingers now stroking at your entrance eliciting sounds that sparked heat in your cheeks and spread down to your chest. 

You want to be as connected to him as you can, almost pleading for him to sink inside you already just desperate to feel completely surrounded by him. 

And Joel can’t seem to grasp enough of you under his hands, gone for the way you cling to him as he fits his middle finger inside, marveling at the way your walls take him in. 

He would never get over your strangled little cry at being stretched around his knuckles. 

“I asked a question, lemme hear you.” He spoke a little more loosely, his Texan drawl slightly heavier now. 

“Yes, yes,” you’re remembering yourself after a moment, “Fuck, yes I love sucking your dick.” 

The words are shameless, falling from your lips as a promise, a proclamation that you know he feels the weight of when he leans in to kiss you again, muffling your sounds while he slides a second finger in alongside the first that’s filling you so perfectly. 

Any concept of time or day is somewhere in the background muted, far away and suddenly you know you’re right where you should be, right where you belong, no traces of anxious thoughts lurking any longer.   

You could sink into these sensations now, enjoying how his kisses had moved to your neck exploring the sensitive spots and smiling against your skin when a new one is found because he loves feeling you clench around him when he does. 

It’s a gift to Joel, being able to draw out this kind of bliss in you. 

He wanted you to feel good, wanted to be the one to make your world shatter and then piece it back together again when you came down to the ground. 

Your eyes rolled shut when he plunged deeper, the pads of his fingers massaging at your walls in tandem with what his mouth was doing between the valley of your chest and further down to where your stomach fluttered. 

Somewhere in the haze of it all you realize his mouth was at your thighs, the white hot touch of his lips closing around a stretch of supple flesh bringing another wave of heat before he’s licking gently, bruising a mark into your skin that only he will know is there later. 

“I could spend hours like this, you know that? Could have you makin’ such a pretty mess all over my hands, all over our bed…and I know you love when I do this.” Joel husks before he’s finally tasting you properly. 

He starts at your clit, tongue flattened against you in anticipation of the inevitable flex of your legs, determined to keep you right where he wants and you’re already so far gone for him and this moment that your head tilts back against the pillows in a gasp. 

You feel almost weightless as you succumb to the pleasure and how he presses his mouth into your pussy like he wants to devour it. You’re sure you’d let him swallow you whole if it kept feeling like this. 

It’s not even a question really, you know you would, until you’re between sinew and bone and part of him forever. 

The plunge and curl of his fingers combined with the flick of his tongue had you panting, heat skittering across your body while your hips circled on their own accord.

“More! Please, Joel!” It’s a chant and a sob all rolled in one and you don’t care how needy it sounds. 

He keeps going, lapping at your sex greedily until you’re clenching down around his fingers and your toes are curling, crying out for him not to stop as you hurtle towards the cliff’s edge.

Skin dewy and alive, you decide that you don’t want to spare anything, not when he’s watching you as hungrily as he eats. 

You give him all your sounds, all your pleas, handing him your body and your heart at once. 

It’s amazing how it doesn’t take long for him to have you so close, right at the precipice, forgoing his own breaths to keep pace, to give you what your body is singing out for and when you finally let go, when your orgasm is finally coaxed from you he only presses his face into you further, drawing out every bit of pleasure he could in hopes of seeing that soft sweet look in your eyes afterwards.

“Attagirl, doin so well.” The words are a tether. 

He’d take care of you and that’s perhaps what made it so easy to surrender yourself to the passion of the moment knowing it would linger long after you were both spent. 

“Mmm you should see yourself right now,” Joel hummed, licking his lips while you attempted to catch your breath, “I always want you, don’t forget that yeah?” 

The last part catches your attention through the curtain of bliss, a serious shift in his tone telling you that he meant every word; you had no reason to second guess yourself over your desires and he was making sure of that. 

You nodded and sat up to reach for him, nevermind how you still trembled, your desire to be close to him was stronger than ever now. 

“I need you, Joel! Please, I’ve been so good…” Your words tug at him, you can tell they do by the way he ruts his hips against the edge of the bed. 

He crushed his mouth to yours before you could finish speaking, a much welcome relief, the burning flame inside you quelled for a moment. 

“Sure have been, honey and I think good girls should be rewarded.” He nipped at your ear, stealing your breath with his words. 

And even further when his flannel joined his jeans on the floor, climbing back onto the bed to follow the path of your body with his own, framing your limbs and wrapping you up in his embrace like you were made to fit against his chest. 

Your legs fall open again to wrap around his waist as he settles some of his weight down against your hips, just giving you a taste, calling back memories and reminding you, funnily enough, of that novel you were reading earlier. 

It felt like you were suddenly amongst the pages, chest heaving, your core tender and dripping as the man of your dreams was about to show you how much you’re his in every way.

Fairytales didn’t exist in this world but you felt like you were in one right now.

A giddy and timid smile spread across your face when Joel trailed warm hands down your body, catching on the bend of your elbow, wrapping around your ribcage to settle on the crest of your ass as he puts more of his weight down and uses his shoulders to nudge your legs apart and back towards your chest. 

The air felt thicker but your breathing seemed to even out, everything in your body thrumming with energy and an intensity neither of you could ignore any longer. 

Reaching down between your bodies you wrap a hand around where he’s thick and throbbing, guiding him closer with a soft smile, feeling how heavy he hangs in your hand, fingers pinching his skin when he rocks against your folds, the dirty sounds of his cock gliding through your stickiness. 

Joel groans against your forehead, holding himself steady as your hips buck into his touch, the tip pressing against your entrance and finally, slowly, sinking inside. 

Your moans are twined together in the quiet room. The stretch makes you keen, hands fumbling and grasping at strong shoulders, grateful he lets you have a moment to adjust. 

But it’s not long before you’re squirming again, whining for him to go deeper, to fill you to the hilt and he made good on his promises to do exactly that. 

He keeps your hips tilted up with the press of his palm underneath you, meeting little resistance the more he splits you open and it does something to him to see how much of a mess you are and he’s barely fucked you yet. 

“You can do it, know you can…there you go.” Joel pulls back to give a shallow thrust, lips brushing your temple and a hand coming up to cradle your cheek. 

The drag of his cock against your walls was everything, steady thrusts building up the tension coiling in your belly, fantasies from your novel melding with reality.

You felt like you were floating, your toes pointing when he changed the angle, brushing against a spot that had you crying out, ankles trying to lock around his torso.

Pressing heavier and faster with his hips however, your legs stay spread, the beginnings of a tremble rippling through your muscles now that he’s caught on. 

His pace remained measured and deep, just the way you were begging for it, and he’s content to watch your brows pinch, your jaw slacken, content to hear every gasp of air and pretty sobs  mixed in with your moans driving him crazy every time they slip from clenched teeth. 

“Shit, I love watching you take me like this.” He cooed. 

You can feel the heavy slap of his balls colliding with your ass when he pounds into you again and soon your hands slip from sweaty skin, scratching down his chest to pull at the sheets, so overwhelmed with feeling but never wanting it to stop.

“Daddy...Please, please keep going.”

You’re so caught up in the moment you don’t realize you’ve said it out loud, glassy eyes moving up from where you were trying to peek between your bodies to meet Joel’s careful gaze, only half registering how they widen for a moment. 

He’s taken aback for just a second, almost questioning whether he heard it correctly but something’s been knocked loose within him now, his cock twitching from the reverence and adoration in your tone, bestowing him with a title he suddenly wanted to earn. 

Joel was a grown man and had lived through many hells to be able to have you bare and underneath him like this, he reasoned he deserved to have a little fun in the bedroom especially when he hadn’t expected to be so affected.

“Ah so that’s what you’ve been reading in that book of yours. Just wanted Daddy to fuck you all day is that it, sweetheart? Yeah, I gotcha now.” He rasped low against the crook of your neck and started to fuck you harder. 

His grip on you was less gentle but still just as passionate, the force of his thrusts stealing your ability to think properly. He wanted to make you say it again. 

The burning in your cheeks only subsided a little at his acceptance, more heat flooding you from head to toe at being called out, wondering how he knew it was something you read in your novel, if it had been that obvious. 

It didn’t matter now, you see where his dark eyes have narrowed, ready to make you come again with this newfound discovery. 

So you try and be good for him while you moan and clench down on his length, your pussy swollen and aching but tingling for everything he could give you, “Yes, daddy! Just…oh! I couldn’t help it. Thank you, daddy!” 

He knows you’re close, a familiar frenzy to your breathing, the slick wet sounds between your legs, it’s everything he dreams of and more, torn between watching your face as you come or watching the way his cock shines with your release. 

With a few more strokes and the soft rubbing of his thumb against your clit you shatter, face pressing against the meat of his shoulder while you ride it out, feeling weightless in his embrace. 

It makes you giggle when you can’t keep your head up any longer, neck lolling back against the pillow where he cradles your head in his hands, keeping you in place as he finds his own release swiftly after yours, pulling out to cover your puffy folds in hot ropes of his come. 

You would never tire of being made a mess, even if you knew you’d be sore tomorrow, nothing quite ever beat the feeling of being fucked out like the way Joel could have you.

“Baby…” you’re breathless and bursting with emotion, “Thank you for that. Think I really needed it,” You laugh against his chest and sigh.

You’re almost too nervous still to look at him after your slip of the tongue but you know deep down there’s nothing you have to be worried about. 

“Of course, honey. Anytime, and I mean that.” 

–

You’re not sure how much time has passed, drifting in and out of a dreamy slumber still cradled against Joel, only now you realize you’ve been cleaned up and tucked under the covers but you don’t mind, you know you can simply lay here and soak it all in, he would take care of you. 

Racing thoughts no longer buzz around in your head, all you can feel and see is Joel and you smile to yourself knowing the intimacy you just shared still lingered in your body, love etched in your fingertips where they’re laced in his hand against his stomach. 

His lips press against your temple and you close your eyes again letting yourself be swept away with the sweet drawl of an “I love you.” in your ears and the gentle evening sun warming you both.

—

A/N: This was actually lowkey inspired by that scene where Joel is leading Ellie, Henry and Sam down the street after they come out of the tunnels and Joel just shakes his head and goes “so much goddamn talkin’.’ while looking like an annoyed father because they’re all being too loud…got very hung up on that bit of dialogue and could not let it go so here we are!

Also hope I added the daddy kink bit here in tastefully, it’s a fave of mine and I struggled a bit to think of how to incorporate it in a way that felt real for Joel so I only just dipped my toe in with it here but I hope you liked it! 👀

Thank you for reading <3

some no pressure tags! 💫 @eupheme @ozarkthedog @moreofem @tinydramatist @black-fairy3 @federalchickensoup @fluffyprettykitty @persona-enthusiast @moonstruksandco @ghotifishreads @communism-bitches

[earthchica]

ungodly hour

joel miller x black! reader

summary: you get pregnant by your ex-boyfriend, joel miller.

warning: angst, heartbreak, age gap, break up, language, nicknames, first person pov.

__ series masterlist

first person's pov

When I was new to the Jackson community, I bumped into Joel Miller, who seemed tough and solitary.

One day, I accidentally spilled my coffee on his shirt outside the stables, and he appeared slightly irritated.

Despite my repeated apologies, Joel reassured me there was no need to worry.

Being restless, I offered to make it up to him by preparing dinner. He agreed, possibly influenced by Ellie's teasing about his secret crush.

Gradually, Joel and I developed a friendship, taking turns cooking dinner and getting to know each other better.

Over time, Joel and I nurtured a friendship, sharing cooking duties and deepening our bond.

What started as a friendship evolved into something deeper, but a year later, our relationship hit a rough patch.

Experiencing a common phase in relationships, it seemed like all the warmth had vanished, leaving me puzzled.

Joel's behavior grew distant and aloof, focusing solely on his patrol duties, Ellie, Tommy, and his family.

Whenever I tried to address his behavior, he would often spark a disagreement, claiming I was nagging and needed to relax.

Moreover, each time I requested a kiss, he would hurriedly peck me and that left me...

Feeling confused and torn, my heart ached, and I began to doubt myself.

Questions swirled in my mind:

Am I not good enough for him anymore?

Am I not attractive to him anymore?

Am I-

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door opening, followed by the sound of his boots.

I stood up from my seat and waited for him in the narrow hallway, taking a breath.

There stood Joel, donning a black jacket, blue button-up shirt, and jeans.

He casually removed his jacket and hung it up before acknowledging me with a nod, then briskly headed towards the living room.

Curiously, I trailed behind and inquired, "Where were you, Joel?"

"I was out," he replied, walking towards the bedroom.

"Out where?"

"Darling, can I get in without being fucking interrogated?" he sighs while settling on the bed and removing his boots.

"I'm not interrogating you, Joel just asking where you've been. Ellie told me you went out" I responded, raising my voice slightly.

"I said I was out. Can't you take my word for it?" he retorted, placing his boots aside and meeting my gaze.

"No, Joel, it's not enough. I'm exhausted from this situation. I'm tired of feeling mistreated," I expressed tearfully.

"You've grown distant and cold, and I don't understand why. I've had enough," I added, tears welling up in my eyes.

"So are you suggesting that we should end things?" Joel inquired, and I simply nodded in agreement.

"Darling, I apologize… I'm just going through something at the moment. It's not personal," he said with a frown.

"It feels personal with the way you're treating me. If something is bothering you, Joel, please talk to me. I'm here for you, I love you, but please don't push me away," I expressed, as I took hold of his hand and gently caressed his cheek with my other hand.

Joel lowered his head, ran his fingers through his hair, then took a deep breath and uttered words I never expected to hear from him.

"I think we should end this. You deserve so much better than me, Darling. I don't want to cause you any more pain."

Feeling my heart sink, I was caught off guard.

"What?" I stammered, getting up from the bed. He rose as well and approached me.

"So, this is how it's going to end. You're not even willing to try and work through this?" I questioned, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Joel, did you ever love me?" I inquired, but he remained silent, his guilt apparent as he looked down.

"I suppose you never did, did you?" I asked tearfully. He gazed back at me, his expression softening.

"Darling, I do. I love you so much. I just need time to figure things out," he insisted, caressing my cheek with his hand.

"I love you too, Joel. And you know what? If this is your decision, then so be it. However, I won't be staying here," I stated as I walked away, heading upstairs to pack a bag of clothes.

Joel followed me, observing as I packed; he remained rooted to his spot until I gathered all my belongings.

"Wait, you don't have to go. You can stay," he pleaded, leaving me puzzled by his sudden change in demeanor.

"Joel, you're not expecting me to stay here after tonight, are you?" I inquired, hoisting the bag onto my shoulder.

"I was, but that would be selfish of me. Um… where will you go?" he asked, worried evident as he rubbed the back of his neck.

It was perplexing how he cared after breaking up with me just moments ago. I shot him a cold glance, waiting for him to step aside.

Although he attempted to speak, no words emerged, and he eventually moved out of my path.

Tears streamed down my face as I walked away from Joel and the home we had once shared.

It has been a month since then, and Joel has been keeping an eye on me, being protective from afar.

Despite my efforts to move forward, the situation has been incredibly tough, and I longed for it to end. However, with Ellie's support, I am gradually overcoming it.

Upon sharing the incident between Joel and me with Ellie, she was furious, and I could tell she was about to confront Joel.

She has been checking in on me regularly, and one day, she proposed that I join the upcoming gathering party.

As much as I wanted to go I had to decline because, in the past couple of weeks, I haven't been feeling well.

I've been vomiting, getting major headaches, and having weird cravings. This only gives me one idea of what I might be.

"No, I can't. No," I said, shaking my head not wanting to believe I was, and then I thought about it for a second.

The only time I remember me and Joel having sex was after an argument and that was weeks before we broke up.

"Shit!" I screamed, quickly getting up and putting my boots on. I grabbed my keys before heading over to Tommy and Maria's House.

-

I informed Maria about the situation, and to my surprise, Ellie was also present to listen. Together, they accompanied me to the clinic to check if I was pregnant.

"It seems like you're eight weeks pregnant!" Charles mentioned with a sympathetic expression, sensing my lack of enthusiasm about the pregnancy.

"Oh no!" I exclaimed as tears welled up. Maria embraced me while Ellie comforted me by rubbing my back.

The pregnancy was confirmed, and it was hard to digest. I knew I shouldn't feel this way, but how could I not?

I never imagined having my first child in this way, especially in a post-apocalyptic world filled with clickers and malicious people.

Maria handed me some tissues while Charles, the doctor, shared advice for a healthy pregnancy.

"Okay,_____. I'd like to see you back in a few weeks, all right?" Charles said with a reassuring smile as I nodded.

Back at Tommy's & Maria's House, I couldn't stop pacing the living room, filled with questions.

"So, what should I do?" Ellie sighed and responded, ", I understand this news is shocking, but you have to tell Joel"

"As much as I am disappointed with how Joel treated you, I agree with Ellie. You need to inform him; he deserves to know!"

"Yeah, I know. I just don't know how he'll react," I said, lowering myself onto the couch and covering my face with my hands.

"If it helps, I'll accompany you," Ellie offered, placing her hand on my shoulders, but I declined with a shake of my head.

"No, I can handle this, Ellie. Thank you, though," I replied with a faint smile. Despite my reluctance, it was necessary.

Regardless of whether Joel and I were together or not, I didn't conceive this baby alone.

I needed Joel to decide whether to be a part of our child's life because it was no longer about me; it was about what was best for the baby.

[romanarose]

The River

Joel Miller x Black!fem!reader

Join my taglist: Masterlist

Buy Me A Coffee : Kofi : Go Fund Me

Summary: Joel and Sarah's mom! reader the days he's conceived, written to Bruce Springsteen's The River in honor of his birthday today!

Warnings: Virginity loss for both, piv sex, skinny dipping, not a happy end, if you want the spoiler look at notes at the end. Classmate calls reader a name but its never stated so you can fill in the blank however fitting you feel, but its implied its either a slur or a derogatory word towards women. Story starts with joel and reader in HS and 17, but 18 when the smu happens. If this makes you uncomfortable, thats fine. Dont read it.Some drinking but everyone is consenting, and at 18 in the 80's in the us you can drink Immersivity: reader is at least biracial as fitting with the show TLOU. Not super descriptive there bc I wanted it to remain pretty open but I mentioned hair care for curls and dark skin

Happy birthday Bruce!!!! I love you

Dividers by @thecutestgrotto

I come from down in the valley

Where, mister, when you're young

They bring you up to do like your daddy done

  It started at 17, just kids. You were like something out of a dream to a teen. Well, a wet dream. You dressed so unlike everyone around him, showing off skin in a way scandalous to the bible belt you were living in. Joel was taught that impure thoughts and sex before marriage was sinful, shameful.

A year later, it didn’t feel shameful with you. 

When you moved here during yours and Joel’s senior  year, you and Joel met at a party and it was all over for him the second he saw you in that pretty black dress that dipped so low… Dark, thick curls spiraled around your head in a halo and beautiful dark skin. Joel was certain you weren’t looking his way even once. Joel wasn’t unpopular by any means, but if he were honest a lot of his circle came from either playing baseball or being Tommy’s brother . 

Tommy was a linebacker on the football team, something much cooler than baseball was. Joel didn’t think himself ugly, he thought he was decent to look at, but his nose got in the way, just planted large smack in the middle of his face. Tommy had similar features, but for some reason they meshed together better. Tommy was also just so much more extraverted, friendly as they came. And none of it was fake, Tommy was genuine and that's why people liked him. That’s why Tommy lost his virginity long before Joel had his first kiss.

When you walked over and struck up a conversation with him of all people, Joel’s eyes nearly popped out of his face.

“Hey.” You told him your name. “I start school next week with y’all”

“”M Joel,” He reached out shaking your hand, a move that made you grin ear to ear. “Nice t’meecha”

“You’re cute, Joel, wanna talk outside?”

An hour later, you and Joel hadn’t spoken to a single other soul. He watched as envious eyes lingered on them, pride swelling in his chest at having the prettiest girl at the party wearing his jacket as you sat on the porch. 

“HEY MILLER!” A teammate of Tommy’s shouts at Joel from below the porch. “Gonna finally score a homerun?”

When you looked at him confused, Joel explained the metaphor. “I play baseball.”

“YEAH AND HE’S NEVER SCORED WITH A GIRL!”

“THANKS DAN I THINK SHE GOT IT!!” Joel shouted to the jeering boy who’d drawn a bit of a crowd. When he turns back to you, you weren’t weirded about him being a virgin still, instead you were smiling.

“I’m a virgin too, don’t worry. Wanna really show ‘em how stupid they look?” You whisper.

Joel laughs, smiling something dopey. “Please…”

Swinging one leg over the porch railing, a move that spread your legs and rode your skirt up. You grab his shirt, yanking him towards you and kissing him right tyoure in the porch light, getting bitten by mosquitos. This creates a bunch of loud whooping from everyone except Dan, more people gathering to watch the show. Joel about passed out, ready to fall off the porch and die a happy man. He didn’t, holding onto your leg as you giggled into his mouth at the reactions of everyone around them.

After that, only death could separate Joel from you. 

Me and Mary we met in high school

When she was just seventeen

We drive out of this valley

Down to where the fields were green

“Hey Miller!” Dan called after him in the hall, but Joel wasn’t interested in talking to him.

That school year had been a wild one to be sure. You joined the cheer team, but admitted later it was so that you could see Joel more, an excuse to talk to him. Joel was absolutely baffled at the concept that you thought you needed a reason to talk to him after he’d kissed you, but sweet nonetheless. 

Dan had tried in vain to steal you out from under him, but to Joel’s surprise you showed no interest. After that, he got mean. Joel frequently found himself telling Dan to shut the fuck up, defending you even though the relationship still didn’t have a name. It was stolen smiles in class, study dates, choosing to spend your 18th birthday with him at the local diner instead of a party.  DIdn’t matter. He wasn’t going to let Dan talk the way he did about you. It’d never escalated to more than a few shoves in the locker room, resulting in being separated by Tommy and your teammate. Their coach said if Dan causes more problems to let him know.

And then, Dan crossed a line. The crowded hallway was loud, people pushing around to get the hell out of school and onto their next event but Joel heard him loud and clear. The hall got real quiet, everyone between Dan and you and Joel hearing with Dan called you, and it was over. 

“Joel…” You warn, feeling him squeeze your hand tighter. “Don-” but he was gone, letting go and lunging at Dan like he was tackling in a game.

The fight didn’t last long, Joel a little better off than Dan was by the time they were pulled apart, which is why the coach suspended Joel for 2 days instead of Dan. They told the coach, multiple students testifying, what Dan had called you but he never go any repercussions. That just makes Joel all the more happy he broke his nose.

You were his after that. Officially. Boyfriend and girlfriend and inseparable. Every game, you were there cheering him on and every night you worked he was there to walk you home. 

When the summer turned warm, Joel decided he wanted to share something special with you.

It was a secret spot, a place Joel grandpa used to take him and Tommy to fish before he passed. They pair had grown up swimming there when they could get their hands on a car in the summer, and it was somewhere that few people knew about. A quiet lake, the perfect place to fish and swim or just relax. Joel managed to borrow your brothers car, people trusting him as he was responsible, unlike Tommy. He even packed you a picknick, making it a nice date. He knew he was romantic as shit. He didn’t plan on what happened happening, but he knew it would be a special afternoon.

The week after graduation in Texas was already warm, the world bright and happy around him as college approached. You and him had plans to move to Austen together, he had gotten a few good grants for low income students and was going to attend the tech school, get into electrician work. He even knew a place where he could apprentice in the city, and hopefully by the time you graduate with your 4 year degree he would have his journeymans. You had gotten an excellent scholarship, and between that and the money saved from the last few years of both of you working, if you guys budgeted well you would graduate almost debt free. Then, find permanent jobs, get a house, get married, have kids… the entire world was in the palm of your hands.

You hadn’t taken the big step, even after 7 months of dating, you were still virgins. You wanted to… but where? On the bottom bunk of the bunk bed Joel and Tommy still shared in the tiny mobile home? Or at your place, where your mom made you keep the door open at all time? Joel certainly wasn’t going to deflower you in the back of a car, he wasn’t a fucking animal. Still, he liked to think what ended up happening was perfect.

You loved it.

We'd go down to the river

And into the river we'd dive

Oh, down to the river we'd ride

“Joel!!!” An excited squeal escaped your lips as he finished setting everything up. There were even a bundle of wildflowers on the blanket he sprawled out on the grass. 

“M’grandpa used to take me  n’ Tommy here ‘fore he died.” Joel explained, standing up and stepping back to admire his work. There was a tinge of longing, reminiscing on those old days, childhood that he was soon to leave behind for a life with you. There'll always be nostalgia, but he didn’t have to fear facing the future with you by his side. He’d do it all in your honor. Joel felt your hand on his back.

“He sounds great, baby.”

Joel smiled. “Yeah, he was.” But he turned to hug yo. The smell of your hair was always something he took his time to appreciate. Throughout these months, he’d learned a lot about taking care of your hair, and absolutely adored the smell of coconut oil. He'd gotten pretty damn good at braiding. Sometimes you’d even put the oil in his hair, and Joel loved the scalp massage too much he was practically purring. That’s how you learned he had a sensitive scalp. Very sensitive.

Got anything to drink?” You smiled, trying to distract him.

He paused for a bit, then finally smiled for the first time tonight. “Yeah, yeah I do.”

Joel pulled out the glasses, iced tea, rum, and sliced lemons; Long Island iced tea.

Joel insisted on holding the ice to your lip as You sipped through your straw and drank his own. Joel was more of a beer guy himself, the guys would never let it go if they caught him drinking this, but for your, he’d drink it. Plus, it actually tastes good. Beer does not.

Now, Joel was Joel again. He laughed along to your stories and shared quips about the guys at the shop as they sat on the blanket he laid out by the banks. He braided your hair back for you, tying it up nice and tight so the river water doesn’t ruin it.

“You ready to swim?” You asked.

Joel grinned “Absolutely. I brought some spare clothes, I figured you couldn’t exactly sneak out with swimwear.”

“Actually…” You stood up. “I was thinking we could just…” You took off your shirt. Joel quickly stood up. “Skinny dip?” 

Joel had felt your tits before. Plenty. You and him had explored things before… but never this. Seeing your breasts in that bra had his mind short circuiting. He was only a man. 

You turned away and began walking towards the river. The Texas sun was setting on your back as you slid your underwear off. Joel never really gotten a good look at your ass until now. Well now, he was taking it all in. 

“You gonna join me? Or just stare at my ass like a perv at a gas station?” He looked up at you and saw you glancing over your shoulder as you unhooked your bra. When you turned back and tossed your bra back to the shore, Joel scrambled out of his jeans and underwear comically fast, hopping out of his last pant leg. Joel grinned wildly as he giggled (did he just giggle?) and ran into the river as he pulled his shirt off.

By the time he reached you, you had dove into the water, swimming out. He caught up to you and pulled your wet frame in, finally taking yor in the kiss he had wanted to give all afternoon. He was careful, ever so careful, not to startle you or move too fast, but he hears you laugh. “Oh my god Joel, just kiss me.”

As the lady wished. He deepened the kiss as you ran fingers through his thick curls, massaging into his scalp. He could feel himself getting hard, so he pulled away. “Time to swim, sweetheart.” As he dove into the water, you got a quick peek at his ass before it re-entered the cool water. Oh man, you could not wait to get a hold of that latter tonight. You swam as the sun peaked, until your bodies were too tired to keep changing between kisses and splashes.

The evening was still warm, but could cool quick. Joel grabbed towels and another drink for the two of you on the blanket. While in the car, he opened his windows and turned up the radio. He helped dry off your hair and body before pulling a blanket over the two of you. The area was private, no one would be here except him. Snuggling into his chest, you signed contently. Joel was your safe place. Despite being naked under the blanket, You felt warm and secure. When “Sister Christian” faded out of the car radio, You listened to the DJ.

“This next song is a request, it goes out from Joel in Arlington. Joel wants you to know how much he’s enjoyed your time together and he hopes for many more nights like tonight. Well, isn’t that sweet. Here’s to you, this is You Make Loving Fun by Fleetwood Mac”

You turned to him with a broad smile. “Joel! That’s so sweet” You took him in for a kiss as the opening chords started playing, your dark, naked body pulling up against him.

Joel tried to keep his cool, but fighting his hard-on was getting a lot harder to control. “I wanted to play something by Stevie Nicks, but all the songs I knew that she sang sounded like break up songs.” Joel sucked on your neck.

You moaned out his name. “Oh god… mmm” You tried to keep the conversation going, but he felt so good on your skin. “True, but Silver Springs is a masterpiece…”

“You are a masterpiece…” He murmured between the soft kisses he placed along your stomach. your heart rate kicked up as he crept closer to your sex. 

“Joel…” You pleaded, begging him for more as he kissed the crease of your legs, so, so close to where you needed him to be. Something else entirely. Just when You thought he was finally going to take your in his mouth,  moved past your sex, his beautiful lips tantalizingly grazing over you’re folds to move towards your inner thighs. “Joel, please, stop teasing…”

“As the lady wants…” Finally, he dove into you.

Then I got Mary pregnant

And man, that was all she wrote

You tasted fantastic. He flattened his tongue as licked up, swirling around your clit, making your whimper. He loved the little sounds You made when he touched you, tasted you. Sliding two fingers inside, Joel worked your lower body with everything in him: his fingers deep inside your, his mouth licking and kissing everywhere in reach, his free hand massaging along your thigh.

In the freedom of the dark night, You felt free to be as loud as You wanted. “FUCK! Fuck Joel, just like that.”

“Fuck, you taste so good”

You gave a breathy laugh “Baby, I taste like river water”

“Like delicious river water” He muttered with an obvious smile;

You giggled “Ew”

Joel hummed “mmmm” the vibration sending another wave through you.

“Oh! Oh God, Joel!” You whimpered when You felt his teeth carefully draw along your sensitive inner thigh.

Joel continued working you, fingering you open carefully until you came on his tongue, tugging on the sweet curl and his oh so sensitive scalp.

You moved your hips up, sending a shock of electricity through him when he felt your thigh rub along his cock.

He kissed into your neck, fighting the strong urge to leave hickies. “If I told you I brought a condom, would you think I was presumptuous?”

“If I told you I brought a condom, would you think I’m easy?”

You could feel a shit eating, teasing grin being pressed into your neck. “I don’t believe in women being easy, I believe in men being lucky.”

With your soft hand, you guided his face back to yours and You gifted him with a kiss. “Do you think you’re lucky tonight?”

He couldn’t help the feral growl that escaped him as he nipped along your neck and chest. “Sweetheart, tonight, I think I’m favored by the gods.” He rolled over and pulled the condom out of his pant pocket and slid it over his length before lining himself up at your entrance and planting a soft kiss on your brow. He touched his forehead to yours. “You want this?” Joel spoke softly in your ear.

You smiled, eyes closed, and nodded, gently tracing the muscles on his back, toned from physical labour.

“More than anything, Joel. Do you?”

When you opened them, Joel was beaming down at you. “More than anything.”

 He felt your grip on his shoulder as he entered your, wet and hot in contrast to the cool air seeping into their little haven. He pulled the blanket over both of their heads to keep the heat between them, to keep the world outside. Right now, only they mattered, only you existed, nothing else could possibly be more important than making you feel beautiful and special and… loved.

You were ethereal. Nothing in the world felt better than you sweet pussy and there was nothing he loved more than you, his beautiful girl giving herself to him, just as he gave himself to you. 

In your little tent, you felt safe, appreciated and adored. Joel always had a way of taking away all your anxieties, his demeanor was always so light and relaxing but fiercely protective. You could feel him hitting deep inside you despite his movements being slow and steady, not wanting to hurt you. He was all kisses: your mouth your jaw, your breasts, your cheeks. As you stretched out your body and put your arms over your head, he ran his hands up your sides, over your breasts and shoulders, along your arms and finally pinning your hand above your. Joel held you to the ground and he picked up his pace, making your toes curl as your orgasm built back up again.

“Mmmm, Joel, baby you feel so good… so good honey”

Joel could feel your tightening around him, he knew you were close. He kissed deep into your mouth that opened for him. You aggressively kissed back, taking his lip between your teeth. “Please baby, I need to feel you.” You wiggled your wrists.

Joel complied, releasing your hands which You returned to his tan skin. When You came around him, he felt your fingernails digging into his shoulder blades, tipping him over the edge. His pace faltered as he rode out his orgasm, pressing tender kisses into your neck.

When they re-emerged from the cover of the blanket, night had completely fallen on the reservoir, the moon shone above the treeline illuminating You’s tan, wet body. “Keep on Lovin You” by REO Speedwagon was in full swing. They laid on the bank of the river, pulling your close just to feel each breath You takes.

There they laid, until Joel heard the rumble of thunder. “We should probably get going, don’t want to get rained on.” No answer. He looked down to see you sleeping against his chest. 5 more minutes won’t hurt… He thought to himself, and watched your sleep for 20 minutes, until you stirred to the sound of the thunder getting closer.

“Hm?” You grumbled into his chest, despite him not saying anything.

“I said we gotta go, it looks like rain.”

“Oh.” You rubbed your eyes and sat up. “Oh shit, I forgot we were naked.”

Joel stood up and gathered your clothes that You had practically stripped off for him, then got dressed himself.

It was that July you told him you were pregnant.

And for my nineteenth birthday

I got a union card and a wedding coat

We went down to the courthouse

And the judge put it all to rest

No wedding day smiles, no walk down the aisle

No flowers, no wedding dress

Everything changed after that, 

Not the love you had for each other, no, not that.

But everything else.

Your parents kicked you out when you told them, and Joel’s family let you move in, kind enough to let you take the couch, until a week later you and Joel were married at the courthouse. You spend your wedding night on the bottom of a bunk bed, Tommy staying with a friend for the night to offer you some privacy.

Life wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t the worst. No trade school, no apprenticeship, no journeymans, but Joel found a union job which was good. You continued working your job at the diner until Sarah was born, the best day of Joel’s life.

The next 5 years would be difficult, late bills and a sick baby, union going on strike, but no matter what, he had you. Always had you, his beautiful girl. Sometimes, Joel would ask Tommy to watch Sarah for a few hours, and he’d take you back to the river, back to where she was conceived. He couldn’t say he regretted it, but when this life brought him his baby. He couldn’t regret anything with you, honestly. Every struggle was worth it for his little family.

It was here you told him about the cancer.

Now all them things that seemed so important

Well mister they vanished right into the air

Now I just act like I don't remember

Mary acts like she don't care

Joel watched as a preteen Sarah swam around the river, Tommy and Joel parked with chairs close enough their feet were wet. Joel supposed she was technically a teen now… but it felt wrong to say his baby was a teenager of all things. 13 could be a preteen, just one more year. He had braided her hair back the same way he always did yours, the memory of which always tore at his chest. There were a few years there he didn’t take her, the last time Sarah had been was when she was 6.

 The chemo had taken its toll on you, but you wanted this last summer with your daughter. Joel had carried you in, your body to weak to stand for long but once you were in again, you were at ease. The water helped you move, taking pressure off your joints and Sarah, as little as she was played gently with you, knowing her mom was fragile. Joel loved how much you loved her, how much Sarah adored you, and it killed him. It killed him to know there wasn’t much longer left. 

Joel watched as you floated, taking in the sun on your skin as Sarah did the same. Two peas in a pod.

You died two days later.

But I remember us riding in my brother's car

Her body tan and wet, down at the reservoir

At night on them banks I'd lie awake

And pull her close just to feel each breath she'd take

Now those memories come back to haunt me

They haunt me like a curse

Is a dream a lie if it don't come true

Or is it something worse

Joel didn’t take her again until she was 10. He couldn’t stomach it, so Tommy did, wanting to keep the family place alive.

“You alright, brother?” Tommy asked, cool beer in his hand.

Joel sighed. “Yeah, yeah. Just….” He shook his head, watching as Sarah went under to do a handstand. “She looks so much like her mom, doesn’t she?”

When Sarah popped up again, Joel and Tommy cheered for her in encouragement.

“Yeah, that she does.”

School was starting soon, and Joel would have less time with her, so he was savoring these little moments, just as their family. Just the three of them. Joel still felt you here, present with him in these ways, even after all these years. 

2003 marked 7 years since your death, and every day Sarah grew to look more like you.

Now those memories come back to haunt me

They haunt me like a curse

Is a dream a lie if it don't come true

Or is it something worse

That sends me down to the river

Though I know the river is dry

That sends me down to the river tonight

Down to the river

My baby and I

Oh, down to the river we ride

SPOILER!!! Reader dies.

Thak you soooo muc for reading, i know my last fic and this one have been downers, and i gonna be honest, my final joel piece before leaving the fandom wil be bittersweet too ;-;

Thank you for all the love you've given me!!!

Taggint htose whove expressed interest. I think. if i mistagged you im sorry!!! its late for me

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @msjarvis @grogusmum @hiroikegawa @jennaispunk @fandxmslxt69 @sweetlummie

[lovrre]

Finally found |prt 2

Prt2 Of lost and found| ♫ shades of cool by Lana DelRey

Joel miller x fem reader

Prt 1 here>>

Word count: 3k

Summary: after seeing the love of your life again you deal with the challenge that is telling him he has a daughter.

Warnings: lots of Angst, cursing, mentions of suicide, smut, unprotected sex, probably some other stuff…

Author note: this is part two, to a three to four-part series I don’t know for sure yet how many I'll write. The next part will be getting into Ellie's relationship with Rae and how she feels about the whole thing, I wrote this part to (shades of cool by Lana Del Rey ) anyways enjoy🌞

Rae walks out of the room, slamming it behind her and leaving Tommy. Walking into the living room, Rae’s eyes land on you and Joel, your lips still on his. Rae stands there for a second, her face scrunched up in disgust. “I can’t right now,” Rae says, shaking her head in disapproval before walking towards the exit. Making her presence known, “Rae-“ you say, watching Rae leave through the front door, the screen closing hard behind her. “ I need to talk to her” you sigh out, looking back at Joel with sad eyes. “ Yeah, go,” Joel says, a part of him not wanting you to leave. You slowly walk towards the door, stopping once you get there.

“Don’t go anywhere please” you say, your voice almost a whisper, the feeling of years off without him bubbling in your stomach. “I’m not moving,” Joel says, his eyes not leaving yours. “Good” You nod before walking out the door, leaving Joel with his thoughts. One of them being, if it wasn't him who was the father of your Daughter, then who was and what was the possibility you were still with him? Tommy slowly walks out of the room, interrupting Joel’s thoughts.

Joel stares him down, intensely before speaking “We need to talk” he says, his voice low and angry. The back door of the old house opens and August walks into the living not looking up, talking fast. “I just spoke to Robin, your mom passed out? W-”August finally looks up, his eyes landing on Joel and Tommy in the living room. “ What The fuck?”

~~~

You follow Rae’s tracks in the snow to a nearby bench, She doesn’t say anything as you approach, keeping her eyes forward staring Into the distance. “Rae?” You say hoping for a response, there isn’t one, she says nothing, continuing to look forward. You don’t say anything else, silently sitting next to Rae on the bench. You two sit in silence for a while before you decide to talk, you begin fidgeting with your hands looking for what to say.

.

” When you were born the first thing I thought was “wow she's so beautiful”…and the second thing I thought was how am I going to do this alone. I wasn't alone though, your aunt was there, She got me through the first half of your life without Joel, but when…” you take a deep breath before continuing.

“ But when she died, I think I started getting confused… It felt like I was losing them at the same time, even though he had been gone years before, after that, I felt like had to focus on The past to stay sane….you know?” Rae’s eyes begin to blur as tears fill her eyes, but she doesn't look at you keeping her eyes on the snow in front of her. “ I'm sorry, baby, you have every right to be mad at me,” you say, watching Rae’s leg lightly, bouncing up and down, something she often did when she was stressed or upset. She still doesn't say anything. “Rae talk to me please,” you say, getting a bit closer, your eyes starting to well up with tears.

“That's the thing, I'm not even mad at you, I'm upset with him… I know I shouldn’t be mad at him, I know that…it doesn’t make sense for me to be, he didn’t even know, it’s just-“ Rae takes in a big deep breath“ I’ve seen you cry over him for Days and Days on end…and I think after a while it just became easier to blame him for your pain so didn’t have to acknowledge mine” you nod and wipe away your tears.” not just that, mom I'm scared, fuck I'm terrified…” she says taking in another deep breath of cold winter air before continuing “I'm scared he won't like me or even give a fuck that I'm his…12-year-old me would dream every day for a miracle like this. After all, you told me about him, I always wished I could have met him but Now he’s here… It feels more like a burden than a miracle”.

Her words linger in the air for a second, making your heart hurt. You understood what she was saying, but it was hard thinking about the fact she might never see him the way you see him.“ did you speak to him while I was passed out?” you ask, Rae shakes her head. “So he doesn't know?” you ask, your face scrunching up slightly in sadness. “Nope,” Rae says, letting out a dry laugh. “ I think I'll leave that to you,” Rae says, giving her thighs a slap before standing up from the bench to walk away. You stand up following her, You can see that she's hiding her emotions trying to seem ok when she's not. “Rae, look at me,” you say, walking in front of her, her eyes don't meet yours. “I'm sorry, you deserve so much better than this, but I promise you if he could have been there he would have…” you say, placing your arms on her shoulders, rubbing up and down to trying to comfort her

Rae lets out a sigh she didn't know she was holding in, finally letting herself cry, you pull her into a hug. “That's why it hurts so bad,” Rae says, her cries muffled in your shoulder. “ We lost so much time, this whole time I could have had a- ” Rae chokes up, pushing back from the embrace, whipping away her tears with the back of her hand. “I'm ok” she says trying to gather herself, You couldn’t tell if she was telling you or herself. Once she's finished wiping her tears, you bring her back into an embrace kiss her on her forehead .“it’s ok not to be ok baby, everything will be ok I swear” you say looking into her eyes, she gives you a weak smile in return “you should go talk to him,” Rae whispers, gesturing to the director of the old house. You nod and watch as she walks away In the opposite direction. “And when you’re done, tell him I’m ready to talk whenever he is” Rae says her back still facing you as she walks in the direction of August’s house

~~~

You enter the house, and it’s dead silent, not a person in sight. Your heart starts beating fast involuntarily, “Joel!” You call out as you walk further into the house. No answer “JOEL, JOEL” suddenly your breath becomes short, and you feel dizzy like you're going to fall over. Unexpectedly, a hand comes up and grips your shoulder. “ I’m right here, I’m right here y/n,” Joel says, reassuring you, you take a deep breath, your eyes locking on his. You move out of his grasp, slightly embarrassed.

“Sorry, I don't know what that was,” you say, trying to shake off the anxiety your body was still feeling. “ You get dizzy every often like you can't stand up straight, heart beats real fast, and you can't breathe?” you nod “yeah,” you say, your voice almost a whisper. “ I Get them too” his words make you feel less alone. You give him a light smile and he looks like he's about to say something else, but is interrupted by the loud slam of a truck door followed by the sound of an engine starting.

“Stay right here, I'll be back,” Joel says before leaving you to go out the front door, his footsteps loud and heavy like he was upset. You see August in the corner of the room, he gives you a little wave and an awkward tight-lipped smile when your eyes meet his. Walking towards you, he speaks, “good to see you're alive Ms. Y/l/n, I heard you fainted in the dining hall…shit I would too” he says, placing his hand on your shoulder. You nod “yeah I’m ok now” August nods “good, good… that's good to hear, you want to talk about …what’s going on with that,” he says, his head gesturing to the direction Joel just went. You turn around and see Joel standing by Tommy's car, through the window. They look like they were arguing “long story…to long” you say tiredly.

“ I think I gathered a bit of it, You just missed the yelling contest in here a couple of minutes ago,” August says, looking out the window with you. “And you just stayed and watched?” You ask raising an eyebrow,August shrugs “there wasn't much I could do. I thought about walking out in the beginning but that would be a bit embarrassing.” you sigh “probably…August can you do me a favor,” you ask cutting yourself off, he nods “yeah sure,” he says putting his hands in his pockets probably try to keep warm because of how cold the room was. “Can you tell Rae I said she can sleep over at your house tonight if she wants I know she needs a friend right now and I think she’s already over there with your mom” you say, going over to sit on the old couch. “Ok I’ll tell her, I'm headed over there right now anyway,” August says, walking towards the door, but he stops before walking out. “I really do hope all this shit gets resolved for you and Rae,” he says with a little frown before walking out of the house.

“Me too…me too” you mumble to yourself, wiping your face with your hands and letting out a long sigh. After a few minutes of sitting on the couch, you doze off. You dream of the same thing you have dreamed of off on and on for the last 20 years, usually, in the dream, you're outside. With Joel, Sarah, and Rae. it's always Rae as a toddler though. You guys are having a picnic with the old blanket you and Joel used to use on dates. The sun is always just about to set, and the girls are playing together. Then like clockwork Joel looks at you and smiles, then just as he leans forward to kiss you the ground separates into two.

Splitting you up, you and are Rae on one side and Joel and Sarah on the other. But this time, you're woken up by Joel before the ground can separate. Your eyes flutter open to see Joel staring at you with an unreadable expression. His hand slowly comes up to wipe a tear you didn't even know was on your face. You feel at home with his hands on your face, not saying anything, Joel just leaves it there savoring the feeling of your skin against yours. “You were having a nightmare,” Joel says finally moving his hand away from your face. “How long was I asleep?” you ask sitting up and looking around the dimly lit room, the little bit of sunlight outside lighting it “an hour,” Joel says sitting on the couch. “An hour why did you let me sleep that long?,” you ask shocked “ you looked like you needed it,” Joel says nonchalantly.

~~~~

You offer to talk to Joel somewhere less dust-ridden, and you two get into your car and make the drive to your house. Though the car ride was short, it was still awkward and quiet, you wonder how it could be this so awkward around someone you surrounded your whole life around. You open your house door, placing your keys on the table next to the door. You take off your shoes before walking to the kitchen and opening the cabinets. Joel dose the same walking slowly through the entrance of the house, looking at the framed picture on the walls.

“Do want some tea?” you ask, looking through the cabinets. “Yeah,” Joel replies, pulling out a chair and sitting at the table in the kitchen. You pull two mugs from the cabinet, placing them on the counter before opening up another cabinet to get the tea bags. “How long have you lived here,” Joel asks watching you struggle to reach for the box of tea. He wants to help but fears overstepping “uuhhh,” you say, attempting to think while trying to reach the tea bags, you do flicking them down with your finger, making them fall onto the counter.

“Me and Rae have been here since the beginning, Rae is my daughter by the way” you say look back at him for a second. “yeah I met her, she had spunk…reminds me of someone I know” Joel says his mind drifting to Ellie for a second. “spunk is definitely a word for it…” you mumble under your breath. “as I was saying met Maria a little while before she and her dad found this place, I was one of the people that helped them build Jackson into what it is now,” you say, placing the tea bags in the mugs. “ Tommy told me about the council, you, apart from that?” Joel asks as you fill-up the kettle with water.” No, it’s not my thing. I tried it for a while, too much responsibility, I rather just sleep in” you laugh, putting the kettle on the stove. “Can you hand me a match, there should be some in that drawer”

You say, pointing to the drawer. As you do, Joel catches a glimpse of a ring on your finger, his thoughts running a mile a minute. Joel stands up, opens the drawer, and gets out a box of matches. He slowly walks toward you, handing you the box

“I have a question, and you can shut me down if I'm prying,” Joel says, his hand lingering on the box. The questions suddenly make you aware of how close you to are. It seems like Joel notices too because he takes a step back , giving you some room. “Yeah, go ahead,” you say, taking the matchbox and turning your back on Joel, so you're facing the stove.

Joel stays silent for a minute as you strike the match against the box, lighting it. “Where's your husband?” Joel asked, finally ripping the Band-Aid off, “My husband?” you say, your face scrunching confused as you place the lit match near the gas. “ I saw your ring,” Joel say, his voice unreadable. You laugh to yourself before turning around to face him, “this ring?” you ask putting down the used match and showing him your hand. Joel nods and your face falls . “You don't recognize it?” you ask. Joel scrunches up, confused for a second before the realization hits him.

“That's mine?,” Joel says, visually shocked, “May I?” Joel asks, gesturing to your hand, you nod, leaning your hand forward, so he could inspect your ring. His hands grasp yours as he examines the years of wear and tear on the ring. Your heart beats fast in your chest and your stomach fills with butterflies at the touch of his hands again, “this is the engagement ring I bought for you twenty years ago ?” Joel asks again, still in shock at how long you had it. His finger now lightly grazing over your knuckles. His hands hot on yours cause electricity to shoot through you. You only nod your head, afraid that if you spoke, your words might come out like a squeak rather than a sentence. “And you never remarried-” Joel shakes his head, realizing his mistake

“I mean have you ever married,” Joel asks, looking up from the ring and down at you, his eyes penetrating your soul, this question being the most important to him. Suddenly, the surrounding air two feels so thick you think like you might choke on it. “ No I never married…you?” You ask trying to sound as nonchalant as possible while turning your back on Joel. While also trying to get away from the heaviness of theair. “No” he replies as You open another cabinet to get the cookies you often eat with tea. Joel stays silent, watching you struggle to reach the tin, this Time he walks up behind you, grabbing it from the shelf.

“Your uhh…” he trails off, not wanting to finish, “ Rae’s dad is he ok with you wearing another man’s ring?” He asks, his breath grazing the back or neck, You freeze at the feeling of him behind you, his chest briefly making contact with your back. “Joel, we're adults, you can ask me if I'm seeing anyone,” you laugh trying to avoid answering while still looking inside the cabinet, “are you?” Joel says, his breath hitting you again. making the hairs on the back of your neck stand. It seemed like he lingered there a second longer than appropriate, and he did, enjoying the warmth that raided off your body as he stood there. He couldn’t help but imagine wrapping his arms around your waist and leaving kisses in the crook of your neck, taking in the scent of you like he used to. “Thank you,” you say when Joel finally moves back and hands you the tin.

Joel moves farther back, watching as you open the tin and put a couple of cookies on a plate before putting the tin on a lower shelf in the cabinet. You tried very hard not to shake as he watched you, the adrenaline pumping through you making you shake like a school girl with a crush.”I have another personal question” Joel says, leaning against the sink, and letting himself relax a little. “ Go ahead,” you say as The tea kettle whistles letting you know it’s finished, you walk over and turn off the stove. Before grabbing the kettle, pouring the hot water into the two mugs from earlier. “Who’s Rae’s father”

His words make you stop completely in your tracks, yet again the loud beating in your chest louder than everything else. You stay silent and continue to pour the water into the other mug. You put the kettle back on the stove and turn to face Joel on the other side of the kitchen. You still don’t say anything, rubbing your hands together trying to stop your hands from shaking. “Can you please put the cups on the table for me?” You ask, Joel's was slightly confused, but doesn’t say anything, just taking the mugs off the counter and placing them on the table. When he’s finished, he sits down at the table. You wait a second before doing the same. The longer you took to answer the more Joel’s mind made up possibilities he thought, yes Rae looked a little similar to him, but maybe that’s because she’s Tommy’s, he did have a thing for you back in the day or maybe your we're taking so long to answer because Rae was a product of Assault, or perhaps she was just his.

You take a slow sip of your tea before you answer, not caring that it scorched your tongue. Once you finished, you slowly put the mug down, “she’s yours” you say, finally ripping off the band-Aid. Joel doesn’t say anything, just slightly leans back in his chair, creating a creaking noise, his face unreadable. You two sit in silence, every sound in the quiet house suddenly amplified. “I thought so,” Joel says, leaning forward and taking a sip of the tea in front of him. “That's it,” you ask, a little underwhelmed with his reaction.

“No, I consider the other possibility but y/n…she looks just like us,” Joel says, a hint of sadness and amusement in his voice. “When was she born,” he asks, putting down the mug. “ May 28th, 2004” you reply, searching his face for some emotion fear,

Anger, sadness, Anything. “ I tracked the dates after the outbreak, so I wouldn't get her birthday wrong,” you say, getting up from the table and walking to the living room, going to get something before coming back with a small diary. You open it up, flipping past the previous diary entries from each day of your pregnancy. You land on the last page of the book and Hand it to him to read. It read:

“ May 28th,2004 is her birthday,

Nia was right, she’s a girl, a beautiful girl at that. I wish her daddy could see her, Nia was there throughout the whole thing, helping me through the pain. I thought I knew pain, but I didn't. I've never felt any pain in my entire life that's comparable to that. Even after all that, I named her Rae, like Rae of sunshine. I felt like I did good for the first ten minutes after her birth until I started crying. Nia had to take her from me after a while because I kept sobbing, which made her cry. I think I was scaring her, I was just so overwhelmed, I kept wishing Joel was there. That he could see her, that he and Sarah could take turns holding her and make jokes about her button nose. They would love her, I know it, I'll just have to settle with telling her all about them. I'm scared, really, really scared of this world, of what Rae will have to live like. I just want her to be safe, I have to protect her with my life.”

Joel finishes reading, his eyes slightly glossy, he takes a minute before speaking. “What happened to Nia?” Joel asks hesitantly, you let out a sigh and he knows the answer. He nods his head sadly in acceptance, sitting back in the chair. Joel wasn't super close to Nia but they got along great when you all would go out. He respected her for being the older sibling who stepped into the parent role, she reminded him a bit of himself “she got bit about four years ago while we were out on a hunt, she didn't even tell anyone she just… When we got home, she was just real quiet you know… I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t do anything and in the morning I found a note”. you say, your words hanging in for a while before you realize you're crying and quickly wipe the tears from under your eyes. “Do you want to see more?” you ask gesturing to the diary, hoping to change the subject. “Yes” Joel nods, his face still unreadable,

“one second,” you say, standing up from the table and walking towards the old closet in the living room. You rummage for a second, looking for the photo album you created throughout Rae’s life. Joel walks over and watches you by the entrance,”got it” you say, turning around and holding the album. You sit on the couch, placing the album on the coffee table and Joel comes over, sitting next to you but far enough that your thighs aren't touching. You notice but don't say anything, opening the Album, you flip to one of the first pictures you ever took of Rae.

It's a picture of you and her as a newborn on the couch, you had your hair back in a bun you looked tired. Rae was tiny in your arms at only a week old, She was wrapped up in an old pink blanket. “She was only a week old here,” you say, pointing to the polaroid, you didn't say it out loud, but you realize how young you looked in the picture and wonder if Joel even found you attractive now. ”I remember this day clearly because I was so tired…she wouldn't stop crying, I think she cried the whole week straight,” you say laughing to yourself, Joel doesn’t say anything. His hand came up to slowly trace over her tiny face in the picture with his finger. “She looks like you,” Joel says, eyes still stuck on the picture. “ I think so… Nia always thought she looked more like you,” you say, giving him a brief glance, hoping you weren't pushing the envelope. “When she got older, she started to look more like you…” you say, flipping through the book looking for older picture of Rae. “Here, she's Two in this one because I broke my camera, it was hard finding another camera and film, but when I did all I did was take pictures”

A ghost of a smile creeps on Joel's face as he looks down at the picture of Rae. Her curly hair was going in every direction, and she had a cup in her mouth that she was chewing on. “Look at her dimples…just like yours, one’s deeper than the other though, but you can see them both when she smiles”

You and Joel both go through the photo album full of Polaroids from Rae’s childhood. You know it hurt him looking at all the memories he missed, but he also liked getting to know Rae through your memories together. You and Joel were flipping through photos looking for a certain picture and catch gimps of Sarah's face before you land on another picture of Rae. You saw it, so you know he saw it too, you don't say anything for a while, you both sit in silence. “Do you want to talk about it?” you say, closing the photo album. Joel stays silent so you keep talking

“When Tommy told me you were alive I just assumed…she was too, he told me some of what happened but-” Joel cut you off “- how about you tell me what happened to you that night and I'll fill in the gaps.” you nod standing up “ok sure… do you want a beer,” you ask walking to the fridge. “Yeah-how the hell did you-” Joel's cut off by your shh’s as you put your finger to your lip. “ I have connections,” you laugh walking back over to Joel with two beers and a bottle opener. You open your beer with the opener before handing it to Joel and sitting back on the couch. You take a swig and let out a long breath before talking,

”that night I got a call from Sarah. She sounded really scared, she was asking me where you were, and I didn't know, so I told her I would come over until you came back… But when I got there, you weren't there. I remember calling you and leaving a message, but I don't think you got it b-” Joel cuts you off “I got it” Joel says, not telling you about how he listened to that voicemail over and over for five years straight until the phone inevitably broke. “Well when I called you and I didn't get an answer, so I drove over there, but nobody was there… When I went to your room searching for you, I got a call from you while I was looking out your window. You know how your window was set up, you could see the whole town… I could see a plane flying dangerously low over the plaza, and then you told me you were driving out of the plaza, it was like before I could even blink, the line went Dead, and I was watching the plane crash.

I stayed in your house for two days after that before I got a tip from Nia about the Army coming door to door, I gathered all the stuff I could and met with Nia a little off the highway, that's how I got the pictures of you and Sarah” Joel lets out a frustrated sigh wiping his face with his hands. “That night I had to bail Tommy out of jail, there were infected damn near running the place, helicopters, police were on every block. I sped home to get Sarah… She asked me to stay and wait because you said you were coming…. But I-I didn't want to risk it so-” you cut him off “It's ok Joel, it’s ok, I understand”.

You say your hand coming out to rub up and down his shoulder to comfort him. “I called you when we got to the plaza to tell you where to meet us, but then the plane crashed, causing the car to crash… Sarah's ankle got hurt during the crash, I carried her…” Joel takes a swig of his beer before continuing. “ We ran into an army patrol guard, and he shot at us…I didn't even realize she was hit…” you continue Rubbing up and down Joel's shoulder trying to comfort him as quiet tears fell from both of your eyes, “I came back for you…” Joel says, looking at you with glossy eyes. “Two days after, I also heard about the same swats coming to people's homes… I had to see” you shake your head, tears beginning to well in your eyes again “Joel don't tell me that…” you sigh taking another swig ”when did you come, in the morning, night , afternoon?” you ask, your face scrunching up in sadness “just before sunset….” Joel says his face reflects your own.

“ Oh God,” you say, rubbing your forehead stressed before taking a long swig of your drink. “You just missed me, by an hour....” you say letting out a dry laugh, digging in the back of your pocket for a cigarette.”if god dose exist he’s a comedian” You say opening the drawer connected to the coffee table and take out a small box of matches. You strike the match against the box lighting it, you lite the cigarette and shake the match putting out the little flame before throwing it in a nearby ashtray. Joel doesn’t say anything, just watching your actions, you take a long pull of the cigarette and Joel finally speaks. “ since when do You smoke?” Joel asks watching you blow out smoke, the sight making him feel something deep down “since last month” you say slightly coughing. “You shouldn't, that shit can kill you” Joel says watching as you take another pull, “ really?” you laugh sarcastically blowing out the cigarette smoke. You gesture the cigarette in Joel's direction raising your eyebrows, Joel sighs and accepts. You smile watching him take a puff, his lip in the same place your lips just were. You shake your head before speaking “ Cigarettes don't suit you,” you say slowly plucking the cigarette for his lips and putting it between yours. Joel watches your movements intensely, his eyes glazing over with lust.

You blow out a cloud of smoke and Before you could react, Joels lips were on yours, and he was pulling you into his lap. He plucks the cigarette out your fingers, quickly, putting it out on the table not breaking the kiss. The kisses are hot and desperate “God I've missed you” he says, breaking the kiss for a second to work at the buttons of your shirt. “ I missed you- I missed this” you laugh as joel rips the rest of your flannel open, making the buttons fall to the floor. He didn’t take your shirt All the way off, leaving it open exposing your breast. He left kisses up your bare chest to your neck, making you shudder under him. “ Fucking beautiful” he whispers in the crook of your neck. He finally pulls back for a moment to fumble with his bet and you sit up for a second giving him space. He eagerly throws his bet to the ground along with his pant that he pushed down. You reseat yourself on Joel's lap and he looks up at you with a smile.

“ fair warning I'm not the young man I used to be,” Joel says, his lips returning to your neck. “I can't tell” you laugh, gesturing to the very hard dick under you. “ I’m not the young woman I used to be either,” you say, your words come out as a moan as Joel’s mouth works around your nipple. “No, you’re better,” he says smiling against your skin. “So fucking beautiful” he whispers, cupping your other Breast. You grind your self on Joel’s groin, and he knows what you want. “ I need to be inside you,” he says pulling down his boxers just enough to free himself, you look down your eyes watering at the size he somehow looked bigger than you remember. He pumps himself a couple of times before spitting on his hand and rubbing it over his head, the sight making you clench around nothing.

“Sit,” Joel says, his voice low a sultry, you obey using your hand and lining yourself up with his dick. You slide down onto him, his size stretching you after so long. “Fuckkkk” Joel groans, you both let out a loud moan at the contact. Your forehead leaning against one another as you try to control your rugged breath, “you hug me so well” he whispers in your ear before starting to create a pace. You grip at his shoulders hard, the sensation already becoming hard to bear. “Joel, I can't take it” you moan as he tightens his arm around your waist so he has had a better angle. “You can take me baby, you’ve done it plenty before” he groans, still thrusting into not letting his hips falter. “Take it” he groans in his groggy country accent, almost enough to make you cum there. Joel's hands slide down between you two, so he can rub your clit, you moan at the contact, your core squeezing around Joel. “Fuck sweetheart just like that,” he says watching you throw your head back in pleasure as you ride him on the couch.

The moans leaving the two were straight-up pornographic, you prayed you locked the front door, so no neighbor would walk in on you riding Joel on the living room couch, it was desperate, sweaty, and lazy but that's what made it so hot. “ I think I'm gonna cum” you moan, the familiar butterfly feeling bubbling up in the pit of your stomach. “ Cum on my dick baby” Joel whispers in your ear as you ride him. “ JOEL, JOEL, JOELLLL” you scream collapsing on top of him, the orgasm making your legs give in. He quickly picks you up by your waist moving you off his dick, so he doesn't cum inside you. He cums all over your inner

thighs, letting out a stream of moans and groans. “Jesus… Y/n you just tried to kill me” he pants out, you smile, leaving a kiss by his ear. “ Never” after all of that Joel re-enters you partially soft “let me stay in here while I charge up” you laugh at his corniness lightly pushing his chest. “ Joel c’mon It's late, I think we better call it a night” Joel's face scrunches up confused. “Y/n I hope you don't really think we're sleeping tonight…we got time to make up for”

~~~~

That night you had that same dream you normally do the one where you and Joel are having a picnic and the grown splits, but this time the ground doesn’t split and after twenty years you finally kiss Joel

The morning came and you and Joel stirred in bed, the sun flooding in from the windows. Somehow you two made it into the bedroom last night. Your naked limbs entangled with each other’s under their sheets. Joel stroked your hair as you slept on his chest, every once in a while wrapping a curl around his finger. His hand comes down to trace the outline of your face and your eyes flutter open at the sensation. You look up at him and smile he does the same “good morning” you say resting your chin on his chest so you have a better view of his face.

“Did I tell you I love you last night?” Joel asks moving a curl out your face, “once or twice” you say sarcastically, remembering how at one point he said it before every thrust. “Well I love you,” he says leaving a kiss on your forehead, his country accent making his words sound so much cuter, “I love you too Joel,” you say turning around, so your head was still on his chest, but you were facing the ceiling. You put your ring up to the sunlight coming in through the window and enjoy the colorful reflection of the light.

Joel's hand comes up to intertwine with yours. “I like how that looks in your finger” jJoel says playing with the engagement ring around your finger. “You do?” You smile trying to look back at him without moving.

“Mmhm” Joel hums enjoying the feeling of your hand on his. “That’s why I’m gonna make it official”

“What!”you ask shocked, quickly turning your head to face him “ you heard me” Joel says smiling

~~~~~~

Taglist ~

@kik51199

@yyiikes

@cloudroomblog

@imonmykneessir

@jennaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

@stupidthoughtsinwriting

[risingoftime]

this is why i love reading enemies to lovers

[fastlikealambo]

Breakfast|| Joel Miller x Black Fem Reader

Summary: A sweet moment after all the three of you have been through. 

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of food, but this is pure fluff.  18+ regardless.

I think I’d like to explore more “ joel ellie, and reader stay in Jackson and live happily ever after.” one shots so if you like this one, let me know. Enjoy!

It was a surprise, a silly one, but a surprise nonetheless.

With some help from Tommy, you were the first in line to get your allotment before the sun was up and your boots were still wet with yesterday’s snow. 

You wanted to do nothing more than to crawl back into bed and pick up where you left off but you were on a mission this morning, piling your locs into a bun, trying as quietly as possible to pull pots and pans out of the drawer without waking your surprisingly still quiet house.

The sizzle of bacon on a hot pan made your mouth water and you nearly risked burnt fingers to pick it out of the pan yourself but you practiced some self restraint and continued to cook, humming under your breath as you cracked some eggs into a bowl.

The wafting scent must have reached Ellie as you heard the all too familiar thundering footsteps down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“Holy shit, is that bacon?!” The teen exclaimed, perching her head on your shoulder.

“If we had money, I’d start a swear jar with you, baby.” You half-chided, catching the sleepy girl in a side hug before steering here in the opposite direction. “Wake the bear upstairs an set the table, we’ll eat in five.”

Excited grumbling ensued one floor up and two strong arms around your waist a few minutes later confirmed Ellie had followed directions.

“I don’t like waking up to a cold bed darlin.” Joel grumbled in your ear, kissing your neck.

“Tough, because this was worth more than your morning breath Joel Miller.” You said, twisting around to throw your arms around his neck, kissing him softly.

“Not in front of the bacon please, have you two no shame?” Ellie yelled from the other room.   You loaded Joel up with two plates filled with food before grabbing your own.

“ Joel, what do you call a dinosaur wrapped in bacon?”

“I thought we said no puns before coffee.”

“Jurassic Pork.��

You waited a minute before going to the table, taking in the pair in front of you. Actual smiles on their faces, not looking over their shoulders for clickers or raiders nor flinching at every single noise.

You had no idea how long this would last.

“You comin honey?” Joel asked, reaching a hand out for you.

But for now, you’d start with breakfast.

[yoditopascal]

I’m back on my Pedro bullshit and rereading this revitalized me✨😤

No thoughts just Joel thots…particularly pre-breakout Joel waking up to toe curling birthday day sex 🥴

gift (giving)

pairing: joel miller x (f)reader

word count: 881

warnings: eighteen+ content, unprotected piv, dry humping, dirty talk, creampie, come eating, unmentioned age gap.

note: i know you said pre-outbreak but i couldn’t stop picturing the greying daddy era he has going on so imagine this as an au where the outbreak isn’t even a thing but he’s still a silver daddy!

"You’re going to be late," you sigh. A sleepy smile spreads across your lips as you feel his fingers skate against your stomach as he pushes his hand up and under your night shirt—his shirt. His touch turns greedy and rough when his palm cups your boob. Grips. Kneads. A finger teasing at your nipple makes your breath hitch. 

Hips instinctively push back into him. 

The grunt breathed against the back of your neck when your ass presses against his hardened cock, indicator enough that he was waiting for the contact. For you to meet him halfway at the place of need he’s been since he’s rolled over and turned off his alarm. The trail of sleepy kisses against your neck just the warm up to that need being sedated. 

"Tommy can handle things," he murmurs against your skin. Rolls his hips up against your ass, the fabric of his sweatpants and your underwear causing just enough friction to rile you up in the same hand, it frustrates you from not feeling the hot drag of him bare against your ass.

"Hell must have frozen over," you tease. Reach your arm back to run your fingers through his hair. "Joel Miller, take a day off? It’s insanity." 

"Who said anything bout a day off?" He corrects, clarifies that the thought alone is the true insanity. "Just need a couple hours to be inside you," his tongue runs along your jugular. Teeth nipping at the vein, making you preen against him. 

You nod, give no argument because there is none when he’s working you up like this. When his mouth is edging you with both words and tongue. Fingers toying with your breasts, cock grinding into your ass—your core throbbing. 

You turn your head to meet his mouth, pulling him from your neck to breathe a whimper into his mouth, when you feel fingers move along the front of your clothed pussy. 

"Whatever the birthday boy wants."

Joel hums against your mouth. Hooks two fingers into the side of your underwear, yanking the wet fabric to the side and exposing you to the heat of the room; to his cock that he shimmies out of his sweats. The tip hot and searing when it spreads your wet lips; the sound vulgar and dirty. The underside of his cock catching on your clit and making your hips jerk. 

"The only thing I want right now is t'fuck this pretty pussy till my come is leaking from it," he groans into your mouth as he lines himself at your entrance and slowly pushes inside. You don’t need him to work you open with your fingers; don’t need that extra stretch to ease himself inside. Your walls accommodate him perfectly, given how wet he’s made you. 

His thrusts start out slow, dragging his cock almost all the way out of you. The tip the only thing fucked into you until you’re begging, and he’s pumping every inch into you with a slow push of his hips. 

His hand around your throat keeps your mouth fixed on his. Keeps your back arched and ass right where he needs it, so he can keep using your pussy, slamming his hips against your ass, dragging his cock against your walls, hitting spots he couldn't if you were in a different position. The heady torment heightened by his beard burning your cheek and chin from his lips, tongue, and teeth.

Your nails dig into his arm, "fuck, Joel." 

"I know, baby. It’s good. S’good." His thrusts pick up. Turn hard and fast, your body pushed and pulled back onto him—onto his cock. Your shared noises of ecstasy swallowed by the other's tongue, filling the room in a lewd show of desire and pleasure. "Can you beg for it–fuck–beg for my come. Your pussy's grippin’ me so tight." Hot breath brushes against your ear, his voice all you can hear; his grunts, groans, begging, and need. Completely absorbing himself into your very being. 

Joel Joel Joel. 

"Know you want it. Can feel how bad you need it," his teeth nip at your lobe. "Beg me." 

And you do. 

Beg him as you come. 

Beg him as you grip onto his arm, eyes screwed shut. A scorching heat taking over your body. Rendering you stiff and limp in his grasp. Your head feels hazy, dazed, and blissful. 

Joel grunts a string of curses and "that’s my girl, that’s it, that’s it, just like that." As you grip and tighten, and plead, around him until he’s spilling into your aching pussy. 

After he’s pulled out of you, your body still hot and sweaty against his; his fingers move through your wetness. Smearing the evidence of both your arousals along your core, coating your clit with the rotation of quick fingers that makes you hiss and jolt from oversensitivity. His fingers dip inside of you—to gather more, to follow the pattern he just followed, you expect.

The coated pads find your mouth instead. A wordless demand tapped against your lips obeyed as they press against your tongue. Lathering your taste buds with the bitter taste as you suck and lick the mixture of you and Joel off of his fingers. Of what you begged for. 

What he needed. 

"Happy birthday to me," he grins. 

[thatboisus]

me logging onto tumblr after consuming a new piece of media

[aphrcdites]

the bond between a girl and their favorite fictional man is both an unstoppable force and an immovable object

[bethsvrse]

me staring at my ceiling after y/n does the most FLABBERGASTING thing ever

[stargirlfics]

Misbehavior

Joel Miller x Black F!Reader

Summary: It’s the first and last time you ever talk back to his face

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, post-outbreak, Joel and Ellie are settled in Jackson, established relationship, brat tamer!Joel vibes, smut: rough sex, unprotected vaginal sex, orgasm denial, hair pulling, spanking mentions, dirty talk

Word Count: 3.1k

Cannot stop thinking about Joel’s sick little smirk here! I want him to put me in my place so bad, hope you enjoy this one!

It’s the way Joel Miller looks riding his horse, a hunting knife on his hip and a rifle held expertly along with the reigns in his broad hands that makes your skin prickle and your breathing deepen. 

Spring is still yet thawing the cold woods ahead of you but you only feel heat staring at his sturdy shoulders, sturdy everything actually, that you knew to be a fact, smiling to yourself about it as your own horse trailed closeby just a few feet behind him. 

Being paired with him and being with him period felt right, natural, like somehow this was always where you were meant to be in this life. 

You trusted each other now, able to move in silence like this, with his steady and well adjusted trigger finger and your sharp eyes, pointing out tracks, watching for signs of life, listening for infected or raiders, the two of you undoubtedly working well together. 

In fact everyone in Jackson said so, especially Ellie, but if any of them knew just how much of a brat you’d been to him in the beginning they’d be surprised you were together at all. 

It’s not that you and him got off on the wrong foot, but keeping him just on the edge of aggravated kept you at a safe distance away from acting on your distracted, midday, late night thoughts about him. 

He was wary of strangers anyways and back then you were unknown to each other and gaining trust had taken time but eventually you stopped keeping each other at arm's length.

Started seeing each other around the stables more often, or rather you saw Ellie there and quickly learned that wherever she was, Joel wasn’t too far behind. 

You remembered showing her the way around the barn, where supplies were kept in case she ever needed anything, noticing her interest in the animals, encouraging it, indulging in her never ending questions because you only wanted to see her smile. 

In retrospect you think that’s why Joel tolerated your game of push and pull, why he warmed up to you in the end, because you were someone his kiddo approved of. 

Funny how things could change, how a relationship could form in between quiet glances and soft smiles, weathered walls falling at the brush of his hand against yours and that smooth drawl saying your name as if it were sacred. 

That was then and this was now, patrolling the perimeters together in the moonlight. 

A soft toned whistle that loosened from his lips caught your attention, spine straightening at the signal that was just for you and him. 

“Hm?” came your distracted hum, huffed in response while you picked up speed so your horses were walking almost side by side then. 

“I heard you went out on patrol completely on your own the other night, yeah? While knowin raiders have been close, ain’t that right? So I’m only going to say this once…start explaining.” 

His voice is clipped, a quiet, contained anger in them reminding you of his sharper edges, the ones you’d only caught glimpses of, heard whispers of, that visceral part of him that only raged to protect the people he loved most. 

Joel would never hurt you, if you were certain of anything it was that, but there were times where you wanted to feel even just a fraction of his wrathful touch, to be reminded of what he’s capable of, knowing he could make it hurt in the best way.

It’s the thought along with the shiver rolling through your limbs that makes your pace falter, as you scramble for words and then for air next when all you were met with was dark eyes cutting a pointed glance your way. 

“Fuck…ok yes, I did but it was only because there was already a group of us nearby, it felt safe. They sent someone back to get a message to me that they found tracks, a stag, just needed my help finding him. Then one of Tommy’s guys escorted me back, it was fine.”  

“Doesn’t mean you should have gone on your own, I  don’t give a damn how safe it was.” 

“Hey! I’ve been hunting and going on patrols by myself long before you showed up,” you shot back at his harsh retort, suddenly feeling defensive. “I know these woods like the back of my hand, I could be blindfolded and still come back with more game than you, old man.”

He scoffed at your insult, another heavy glare coming right after. 

“I don’t doubt that for a second, darlin. Just wish you would have told me is all I’m sayin.” 

There’s weight in his words, a deeper meaning you pick up immediately and you know he’s right and there’s no denying that you’d be chewing him out ten times worse if he’d done the same, the risk of losing each other an easy nerve to strike after all that’s happened. 

A beat of silence punctates the air before you’re speaking again, tone much softer, apologetic. 

“I hear you. I should have at least told you and I’m sorry I didn’t, I wasn't really thinking in the moment. Thank you, by the way, for caring about me enough to say something.” 

You hoped he could hear the guilt laced in your words, and the gratefulness of them too, still getting used to someone so wired to protect which never failed to make your heart flip. Nobody told you it could feel like this. 

“S’alright, of course I care. I don’t wanna downplay how skilled you are either, I just hate thinking of something happenin and not being there you know.” 

That had you smiling a little, pulse fluttering at the reminder of your feelings for each other, the gravity behind what he was saying. 

Gently you let your leg nudge his, both your horses slowing as you came to the edge of the perimeter you were watching.

“I promise it won’t happen again.” 

The softening edge of Joel’s eyes were visible now as he looked at you, giving you a firm but approving nod. 

Silence settles between you again, only lighter this time with feelings eased and things smoothed over though for you, there was a leftover kind of excitement stirring in your tummy. 

Your ears were still ringing with the gruffness of his voice, an antsy energy in your limbs at how stern he had been. Heated distraction lodged itself front and center in your mind, thoughts of Joel handling you just as harshly as his glares had been making you squirm in your saddle. 

A low chuckle interrupts the tiny sparks of a dirty daydream you didn’t even realize you’d fallen into until now. 

“What’s so funny?” you feign innocence. 

“Nothin, just think it’s cute when you get that look on your face, only happens when you’re hungry…or when you wanna be fucked.” 

Again, you were left scrambling for words for the second time tonight, heart hammering in your chest at the way the last few words slid from his lips, dripping with some unspoken invitation. 

“I-don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Disagreeing is pointless when you know he can see it written across your face but you refute anyways, adding a bit of attitude to your tone. 

Joel huffs another laugh, clicking his tongue while he encouraged his horse to move again, back in the direction you’d come. 

“Hm, you were so ready to agree with me just a minute ago, now you’re back to sassin me?” 

“Maybe I am. What’s so wrong about that?” you shrug and roll your eyes for good measure. 

He was opening up all the right doors and you were almost too eager to walk through them, craving the part of Joel you knew could get mean.

“I’m really gonna have to do something about that mouth of yours, huh,” he sighed, amusement curling around the edges of his lips. 

Butterflies danced in your core as you smirked back at him, finding your footing quick, “Oh I should hope so, I’ll be waiting.” 

It’s what you leave him with as you surge forward, not straying too far from his line of sight, but enough so that he has some distance to cover. 

Joel gives you a few seconds, lets you think you’re gaining some kind of upper hand before he sets out after you, a tick in his jaw and a hungry itch in his hands. 

–

It’s only a day later that you realize how screwed you are, facing down the stark reality of this little game you started. 

He had cornered you, finding you in the hall leading to his bedroom, a dark glint in his eyes when he tells you it’s an empty house tonight, just you, him and unfinished business. 

The tip of his boot moves to give your heel a light tap then, prompting you to move. 

“Want you in bed, sweetheart. Now.” 

There’s a suspended moment before you’re sealing your fate, pushing the pendulum fully in his direction.

“I don’t really feel like listening to you though, so I guess you’ll just have to make me…if you can even handle it,” you tip your chin up, trying not to be intimidated by the way he’s crowding your space. 

Your skin tingles, never having talked back to him so flat out before. 

Then you realize he’s already got you where he wants, strong hands snaking around your middle until he’s got one on your hip and the other reaching for a fistful of your hair, gripping firmly before he’s moving you forward, pushing you through the doorway. 

A sharp gasp bubbles up from your chest and he’s laughing darkly.  

There’s no use in resisting or struggling but you do anyway, finding a thrill in how easy it is for him to keep you locked in his grip, liking the aggressive pinch of his fingers as he moves your limbs for you, bringing you over to the bed, forcing you to bend over it.

Shaky hands reach for purchase against the sheets as Joel slides his palms over your ass, humming to himself. 

“I keep thinkin bout spanking this pretty ass of yours raw but you’d probably enjoy that too much wouldn’t you?” 

All you can do is whine, too worked up to think of anything witty to say which is probably for the best. 

No time was wasted, nothing held back, no teasing to be had, the two of you desperate now, needy. 

The heated skin of your thighs meets cool air as Joel strips you down, yanking at your clothes carelessly, so what if the fabric tears in his hands, he just needs you bare and underneath him already. 

You work on your top half, wriggling out of your t-shirt, tossing your bra to the floor, moonlight setting the brown of your skin aglow; Joel would have called you an angel if he didn’t know just how wicked your sweet self could really be. 

It’s not long before your cheek is pressed to the bed, hips high in the air, the dripping mess that you are on display as he fits himself behind you. 

He grins, undoing the buckle of his belt with one hand while the other braces against your hip, pressing down, deepening the arch in your back. 

Fuck. 

The arousal swirls achingly across your body, thighs clenching as you watch, his worn flannel falling the ground next to your jeans, your eyes feasting on the expanse of his shoulders, down over his chest, down to where he was drawing himself out, already stiff, flushed and aching to be buried deep. 

“Remember how to tell me if you wanna stop?” His question is one you’re expecting, nodding with a soft whine when he moves to grind his cock against where you’re wet and eager, your hand reaching back to tap a sequence against his skin. 

He seemed to approve of your demonstration, his free hand coating the rest of his length in your slick with a few dirty strokes of his fist before pressing against you, the tip catching and your walls yielding, letting him sink inside. 

“Oh..Joel!” your moan is strained, punctuated with a gasp as you stretch around him, tenderly accomodating to his size. 

There isn’t much time to adjust before he’s rolling his hips and pulling back, pushing an exhale from your lungs when he thrusts back in, nudging deep. 

“Goddamnit, sweetheart. Look at you.” 

There’s so much reverence in his voice, big brown eyes sparking wide with pleasure, so much so you think he just might have forgotten about your earlier insolence. 

But then he’s pulling his hips back and snapping them forward roughly, setting a steady pace that has you panting and crying out, peering over your shoulder at him as he starts to pound into you. 

It’s a sight that makes you clench around him, your ass bouncing back against his hips, the muscles in his forearms, his biceps, tensing from the effort. 

You feel your mind going hazy but a sharp smack to your thigh catches your attention and you realize there’s nowhere for you to run as Joel curves over you.

“Uh uh, it’s not gonna be that easy. You wanted to be a brat so bad, now I’m gonna fuck you like one.”

The hand that had been on your hip smoothes up your back, gripping the back of your neck with a firm squeeze before letting his full weight drive his hips down hard. 

Your teeth bite at his covers, loud pleas and moans barely muffled as he finds that spot, the one that always makes tears well in your eyes. 

Joel relishes in how your body trembles when he keeps himself angled there, watching you choke out apologies and pleas for more all in the same breath, his handprints bound to leave bruises on your skin from the way he’s holding you.

He knows you’re already sensitive, and your body already spent from keeping yourself upright through his thrusts, ones that still weren’t faltering, but he also knew you liked that it hurt so good too. 

“Joel, please I’m gonna-” you begin to sob, feeling the pressure in your core deepen only for it to dissipate as you’re eased off his length a minute later. 

You let your body sink, collapsing onto your tummy with a defeated cry, turning around to face the man who so rudely denied you an orgasm, whatever valid reasonings he had be damned. 

Stepping out of his boots and jeans fully now, you open up to him completely, no longer shy about wanting this so bad, encouraged by how much he seemed to be having fun too, more arousal dripping from your swollen folds at the intensity, the security in knowing he’d take care of you. 

You’d pissed him off with all your sass but you knew he’d never push you past your limits and it’s why you give in so easily now. 

Coherent thoughts fade from your head when Joel finally pulls you down towards the edge of the bed by your ankles and moves between your legs to guide himself back inside you easily, rough hands shoving your thighs back towards your chest so he can split you open and watch as he does. 

Any sense of time or day melts away, your only focus being Joel, only able to feel him, what he’s doing to you, whimpering out curses and moans as he bounces you on his cock, thick fingers reaching down to find your clit. 

The bliss and the pressure build again, making everything hazy once more, eyes fluttering with each thrust now cause you’re too fucked out to concentrate on anything but how good he feels. 

But Joel is watching, studying the pretty faces and sounds you make, one of his hands quick to find its way into your hair again, grabbing a fistful and pulling firmly and slowly, tilting your head up so you can’t do anything but look at him.  

“No, no you focus, right here. Right here, darlin.” he grits out and clinging to his forearms is all you can do to keep yourself steady. 

His other hand leaves your clit to grip at your jaw for a moment, strong legs spearing his hips into you over and over all the while, the wet gush of your pussy taking everything he gives you makes heat settle in your cheeks and spread across your chest. 

Wrecked moans are swallowed by messy kisses, the prickly stubble of his beard against your neck driving you crazy. 

Everything about him makes you clench, your thighs threatening to tighten around his waist the more he gives you. 

But you wanted him to be mean and he hadn’t forgotten, delivering a few searing smacks across your inner thighs, a warning that told you to be good and keep them spread. 

“That’s it, now she’s learning ain’t she. Just needed me to fuck those disrespectful thoughts out of your head, huh.” 

“Yes, yes, fuck yes! Need it so bad!” your wanton cries make his teeth clench while your toes point and curl. 

Everything in you burns molten, succumbing to Joel’s coarser treatment, his fingers, his lips, his cock knowing all your sensitive points and playing to them expertly. 

There’s no reprieve, no break in how soundly he fucks you, the bedframe creaking noisily from the movement, both of you sweaty and breathless but loathe to stop, so much desire washing over you at the frenzied passion in the eyes of the only man that could touch you like this. 

It was everything you had been daydreaming and craving, sobbing into your palm by the time Joel finally let you have what you wanted. 

You came hard, the pleasure drawn out for so long the climax of it shattered you, leaving you feeling soft and weightless against the mattress as he chases his own release, finding it swiftly after you. 

-

It’s much later that you’re tucked against him, a dreamy and well satisfied tilt to your lips as you sink into his touch, those deadly, brilliant hands of his caressing soft circles into your skin, against the places he knows he gripped with force tonight. 

He checks in with you now and then, making sure the comedown doesn’t hit you too hard, only soft words and praise for you now, a few sweet kisses left along your shoulder as you drift in and out of sleep together, exhausted and content beyond words. 

In the quiet of his room you giggle that you swear you’ll never be such a brat to him again but even you can’t deny that if this was what the consequences were, you just might have to talk back to him more often. 

Joel knows it too, gleaming eyes narrowing as he warns that your wicked little mouth is next in line for a lesson if you so dared. 

Oh..well maybe you’d be catching an attitude again much sooner than you thought. 

---

A/N: Eeep it is here! This one took me some time to write just cause I feel like I get in my head about writing Joel correctly a lot of the time and with this including rougher sex it was a little bit of a struggle to write at times but I like how it turned out in the end and I hope this was steamy and fun and hot and that it feels real to the character too! Thank you so much for reading!

Let me know what you think, pls thirst with me!

some tags, no pressure! @eupheme @wyn-n-tonic @ozarkthedog @moreofem @fagen @black-fairy3 @persona-enthusiast @fluffyprettykitty @earlgreychiffon @tarrenterror25 @federalchickensoup @jolly-polly @inklore @babiiface95 @targaryenvampireslayer @chezamanda @simplykenni @allaboardthereadingrailroad

[earthchica]

ungodly hour / four

joel miller x black! reader

summary: you and joel are getting ready to become parents as you experience all the stages of pregnancy leading up to the birth.

warning: fluff, soft! joel, baby kicking, emotions, challenging pregnancy, childbirth, age gap, language, nicknames.

__

You were now five months pregnant, and you hated every moment of it. Despite the constant back pain, the sleepless nights, and the overwhelming emotions.

Joel was right there, always ready to take care of you. He attends every check-up with you, holding your hand and asking thoughtful questions.

His unwavering support makes this challenging journey more bearable, reminding you that you are not alone.

When you felt like giving up, Joel's patience and love shone through, giving you the strength to keep going.

Each day, he finds new ways to show you how much he cares, whether rubbing your feet, running a warm bath, or simply listening when you need to vent.

These small acts of kindness mean the world to you, making the tough moments easier to endure.

You understand that the journey ahead is still long and filled with uncertainties, yet both of you can navigate through it together.

You smiled happily, going to enter your bedroom, you paused upon hearing Joel's voice.

"Do you need anything?" he inquired, instinctively getting up from his chair.

"No, I'm fine, Joel," you replied, stepping into your bedroom to grab your book.

However, in a moment of distraction, it slipped from your grasp and fell as your hands instinctively moved to your belly.

"Darling?" Joel called out, hurrying into your bedroom.

"_____, are you okay? What happened?" Concern filled his voice as he looked down at the book on the floor.

"Joel, come here," You said, motioning for him to come closer. He appeared confused, "Huh?…"

"Come feel the baby." Taking a deep breath, he nodded, approaching you and you took his big, strong hands and rested them on your belly.

"Holy shit, the baby is kicking!" Joel gasped, his face lighting up with excitement.

You nodded in agreement.

"Oh, my goodness!" You exclaimed, covering your mouth in surprise with such enthusiasm that it felt like a tiny drummer was practicing inside your belly.

You couldn't help but laugh, the unexpected joy bubbling up from within you.

Joel gazed at you with affection.

"May I?" he asked, to which you nodded. He knelt on the floor and rested his head on your belly.

Tears of joy welled up in his eyes as he marveled at the tiny life growing inside you.

It was a moment of profound connection with the bundle of joy you both were about to welcome into the world.

"Hey, little one, I'm your Daddy," he said, marveling at the tiny life growing inside, a mix of awe and overwhelming love filling his heart.

Joel gently placed his hand back on your belly, hoping to feel another kick.

As he looked into your eyes, he knew you were both embarking on a beautiful journey together.

"I love you both so much!" Joel declared, planting a kiss on your baby bump before rising to his feet.

You were taken aback by his words as you gazed into his eyes, you saw a mix of happiness, sadness, and excitement.

It was clear that he was feeling overwhelmed. He took a deep breath to calm himself, you gently placed your hand on his cheek.

“It’s okay, Joel. You deserve this, the baby already has a fondness for you,” You whispered, offering a warm smile.

He looked at you with a familiar gaze, one you thought you would never see again.

Your heart raced as he leaned in closer, you didn’t even pull away. His lips connected with yours.

You immediately melted into the kiss until he reluctantly pulled away, his expression filled with guilt.

"Shit, I’m..sorry—" he started, but you interrupted him by kissing him again.

What was I doing? You thought to yourself.

You missed the softness and sweetness of his lips. You placed your right hand on his shoulder, hoping he wouldn’t stop, but he pulled back.

“Darling,” Joel couldn’t finish his sentence and simply walked away.

You stood there, confused, watching him go. With a sigh, you looked around, feeling foolish for kissing him back.

After spending the whole night with Joel avoiding you, bedtime arrived, but sleep eluded you.

Your thoughts were consumed by the kisses you both had shared.

Why did he run away like that? Why did you enjoy the kiss? What caused that spark?

"Who am I kidding? It was just the heat of the moment." You murmured to yourself, yet there was something undeniably special about that kiss.

The spark you felt was intense, and sweet, and left you weak in the knees.

What were you even saying? You need to take a moment.

You spent another five minutes staring at the ceiling before finally pulling back your covers and sitting up in bed.

You stepped out of your bedroom, making your way down the hall to Joel's room.

You stood outside his door with hesitation, contemplating whether or not to knock.

Something was holding you back. Yet, your inner voice urged you to just knock on the door.

Taking a deep breath, you finally did.

"Come in," Joel called out.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, a hint of nervousness in his tone.

"Um, I-I can’t sleep," You replied shyly.

Joel propped himself up slightly and pulled the covers on the left side of the bed. "Come on,"

You walked over and climbed in beside him. He tucked you in with the soft blankets, making you feel cozy.

Joel turned off the lamp to help you sleep better, and you could sense that he was trying to give you as much space as possible, as he kept shifting away.

You realized this felt strange after everything that had just happened, but you didn't want it to be awkward.

So, you took his right arm and draped it over your belly. He didn’t pull away, so it seemed okay with Joel.

You looked down as he gently caressed your belly, feeling butterflies flutter in your stomach. "Joel?"

"Yeah," he replied softly.

"Why did you kiss me and run away?" A moment of silence hung between the both of you.

You turned to face him, wanting to see his expression. Both of your eyes locked, and you cupped his cheek.

"Why did you kiss me right after I kissed you?" he asked, his gaze shifting from your lips to your eyes.

"Because….." You struggled to find the right words.

"I miss it, I miss your lips, I miss everything about you," You confessed, taking a deep breath.

"Well, I kissed you because you looked so beautiful. I wish I could take back all the mistakes I've made, but I know I can’t. The only thing I can do is learn from them and never repeat them. darling, I know it will take time, but I want this…I want you and our little family. I love you so much, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. All I ask is a second chance,"

Joel said earnestly, sincerity shining in his eyes. You took a few moments to reflect.

"I know you will be a wonderful dad, Joel, and I see you proving that to me every day. If we decide to 'make it work,' we’ll have to take it slow. Okay?" You asked, awaiting his response.

"Of course, I understand. That’s all I needed," he said, a big smile spreading across his face. You smiled back, turning away as he placed his hand on your belly again.

"Goodnight, Joel!" You whispered sofly as he snuggled up beside you.

"Goodnight, darling!" he replied, and we both drifted off to sleep.

_________

It feels like everything is gradually returning to how it used to be. You and Joel were still taking it slow but it has been a truly wonderful experience.

You both have been concentrating on strengthening your relationship and getting ready for parenthood.

As you approach the end of your third trimester, it hasn't been too overwhelming.

Although you’ve been mostly at home due to the end of this pregnancy.

You cherished the moments when Joel and Ellie returned and shared stories about their day.

We were unwinding in the living room after having dinner, deeply engaged in conversation.

Joel was cracking dad jokes, and Ellie couldn’t contain her laughter and playful teasing.

It was truly hard to resist smiling. These two, along with the little one growing inside of you, were your family.

You wouldn't trade them for anything in this world. You were about to join the conversation when an unusual sensation swept over you.

You let out a loud groan and glanced down at your damp pants. Joel and Ellie turned to me, concern etched on their faces.

“Darling, are you alright?” he inquired.

"I think my water just broke," You stammered, your voice trembling with a mix of excitement and nervousness.

Joel was by your side in an instant, his hand on your shoulder. "Let's get you to the clinic," he said firmly but gently.

"Holy shit, you two are about to have a baby," she says, her eyes sparkling with a blend of nervousness and excitement.

With Joel's arm wrapped around you, the journey to the clinic seemed to stretch on forever.

Ellie was reading some puns for you as you attempted to concentrate on her and your breathing.

Each inhale and exhale brings you one step closer to meeting your precious little one

Once you both arrived at the clinic, Charles swiftly led you to the birthing room.

The space was small yet tidy, featuring a few medical cabinets and a twin-sized surgical bed positioned in the center.

On the bed lay a hospital gown, a stark reminder of the whirlwind of emotions churning within you.

Joel assisted you in putting on the gown, and then Jackie, the nurse, busily moved into the room to check your contractions and dilation.

Joel held your hand firmly, his presence providing a steady anchor amidst the turmoil.

Hours blended together in a haze of contractions and support, until finally.

Charles declared, "It's time to push."

Summoning every bit of strength and resolve, you concentrated on bringing your baby into the world.

“Oh,” you gasped, the pain was overwhelming, yet the thought of cradling your child for the first time fueled your determination.

“You can do this, baby,” Joel encouraged, kissing your forehead while gripping your hand tightly.

Then, the room filled with the most beautiful sound you had ever heard.

The cry of your and Joel's newborn.

“You have a healthy baby girl,” Charles said, as tears streamed down your cheeks while he gently placed the tiny, squirming bundle into your arms.

"Oh…my god…hi baby girl," you whispered, your heart brimming with love and wonder.

You glanced at Joel, who wore a mixture of emotions on his face.

“She resembles you perfectly… so beautiful,” he said, kissing your forehead softly and then your daughter's.

“Would you like to hold her?” You asked, noticing his slight apprehension, and gently cupped his cheek to reassure him.

“Yeah!” He nodded, his hands trembling slightly as he reached out to cradle the tiny bundle in his arms.

The moment their eyes met, a serene smile spread across his face, and the tears that had been threatening to spill finally cascaded down his cheeks.

“She’s perfect,” he whispered, his voice choked with emotion. “I can’t believe she’s ours.”

You watched them, your heart swelling with love and pride. It was a moment you had dreamed of and now, seeing him so tender and vulnerable, you felt a deeper connection than ever before.

“She’s our little angel,” you replied softly. The room was filled with a profound sense of peace and joy as if time itself had paused to honor this precious family moment.

As you marveled at your daughter's tiny features, you noticed how she seemed to already recognize his voice.

Her tiny fingers curled around his thumb. It was as if she knew she was safe, loved, and cherished beyond measure.

Jackie returned to assist in cleaning me up and taking my vital signs, while Charles did the same for your little one.

Eventually, after a few days, they ensured that both of you were ready to go home.

The nursery was filled with a cozy warmth, and the soft murmur of our conversation created a peaceful atmosphere.

We tossed around names like Chloe, Sade, and Grace, each one bringing a new wave of excitement and anticipation.

Joel gently stroked her tiny back, his eyes twinkling with love and pride.

The baby cooed softly, her small fingers curling around his thumb.

"How about Amelia?" You suggested, watching Joel's face light up with a smile while looking down at the baby.

"Amelia," he repeated, testing the name on his lips. "I like it. It sounds beautiful, just like her."

You both nodded in agreement, feeling a sense of completeness wash over us.

Our little Amelia yawned, her tiny fists curling close to her face as if she approved of the name herself.

At that moment, everything felt perfect, and you knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, you would face them together.

tags

@orcasoul

@joeldjarin

[bruhaalla]

Right now i need a fat blunt in between my lips a twisted tea in my left hand and a hot 6'5 short tempered man in the right hand and then i just maybe i can go to sleep

[lovrre]

Baby protect me<3

Word count: 2k

Summary: On Joel’s birthday two men try assaulting you, when Joel takes care of them ,you realize how much you like the violence And Joel realizes he’s not over his trauma.

Warnings: slightly dark fic, a little Angst, attempted SA, cursing, sadistic themes, no smut but slightly suggestive themes 🌝

Author note: I’m mostly likely gonna rewrite this one later but I just really wanted to post something. So enjoy for now, Suggestion box  IS OPEN!

You awoke in bed next to Joel for the third time this week. You watched his chest rise and fall like you normally did when you woke up first. You liked it, you liked him, apart from you hoped for more from the relationship than sex, but Joel tried his best to be distant with his emotions. Sometimes you guys would seem like a couple and other days not even friends. Joel sits up suddenly in bed, small sweat droplets sliding down his body.

You quickly sit up beside him rubbing your hand up and down his arm trying to console him “you ok baby?” you ask worried he takes a couple of labored breaths before speaking “I gotta get some air” he says plainly getting out the bed and walking towards the door. You laid back and enjoyed watching his sweaty shirtless body leave the room. When he returned, you realized you had accidentally fallen back asleep, you woke up to Joel sitting on the edge of the bed putting on his clothes. “Where you going” you say groggy rubbing your eyes “I think I'm gonna go for a walk” he says stuffing his foot in his shoe. “ Nightmare?” You ask, sitting up on your elbow. He doesn’t reply,“ are they about-” he cuts you off “ DON’T” he snaps. There’s an awkward silence before you speak “you don’t have to be rude” you say angrily, rolling over so your back is facing him

Joel opens his mouth like he about to say something, then closes it and walks out the room. You hear him leave, but don’t say anything. When the sun comes up you stretch hoping to feel Joel’s hard body next to you despite still being a little upset with him. But when you run your hands over his side of the bed you feel nothing but the cold mattress. You can tell by his blanket that he never came back to bed last night, mostly likely sleeping on the couch.

~~~

After getting dressed, you walk into the kitchen, Joel is sitting at the kitchen table reading an old book. You sit across from him quietly for a second before talking. “Good morning, you still grumpy?” you ask, watching him pretend to be focused on reading. “ Joel?” You wave a hand by his face, Joel stays quiet for a second before huffing in defeat looking up from his book

“ I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that, last night I’m sorry” he says sincerely reaching over the table to hold your hand, he rubs his thumb slowly over your knuckles “you know I’m no good with emotions a stuff, but I’m working on it ”He says letting out a deep breath.

A big grin takes over your face “Well good you apologized because now I can give you your present ”. Joel looks surprised as you jump up from your chair and go to reach under the kitchen cabinet for Joel’s birthday gift.

“How did you-“ you cut him off, “Close your eyes!” you yell, you wait for Joel to close his eyes before you hid the gift behind your back and walk towards him. “Hold out your hand” you say, try to contain your excitement. You place a big metal cylinder of Café Bustelo in his hand, You put the red mug you got to go with it on the table. “ Open!” You say excitingly. Joel opens his eyes, it takes him a second to realize what it is, “is this real?” He asks surprised examine the container “yep, 100% unopened espresso, none of that nasty homemade shit they sell at the market” you laugh “what the hell did you trade to get this…” he says opening the top “no that much actually the younger ones don’t care for coffee” you saying sitting on the edge of the table. “It still has the seal on it” he says surprised looking up at you, “I told you it’s unopened” you laugh at his giddy reaction over coffee

Joel laughs to himself before pulling you down by your waist onto his lap. He places the coffee tin on the table” is this mine too” he asks pointing to the big Mug “mmh” you smile, moving a small piece of hair his forehead. “Happy birthday baby” you say kissing his cheek, “Thank you” he smiles placing a kiss on your lips.

“Let me make us some of that coffee” Joel says, moving you off his lap, so he can make the coffee. “You know what would be good with coffee, cake!” you say clapping your hands together

“what, you got some?” Joel questions “no, but I can make some… tonight ”. You say excitedly “I’d like to see that” he muffles coughs under his breath. You elbow him in his ribs, making him laugh “you will”.

~~~~~~

Later that Day, you decided to try to go to the street vendors and see if you could scrabble up enough ingredients for a small cake. “I’ll be right back” you yell out by the door, zipping up your coat. “Where you going?” Joel asks, poping up from around the corner. “I’m just going to the market vendors” you say, ready to leave. “ It’s drizzling and The suns almost gone, I don’t think they’re out there”

Joel says, pointing to the window covered in rain droplet’s. “Well I just wanna see if they have something, I’ll be back soon ”you say getting ready to open be door. “ok I’m coming with you” Joel says turning to get his jacket “it’ll only be a minute promise” you say giving him a quick smile before opening the door “be careful!” Joel yells before you close the door.

~~~

Joel was right, most of the vendors were gone except an old man selling shovels and a lady selling potatoes. Not wanting to go home empty-handed you thought you should try to go to someone you knew of who bakes. But you knew they would probably charge you more for it. You walk 5 minutes down the pathway and turn down an alley you knew he lived on. You knocked one of the doors hoping it was the right one, you a stepped back looking at the rain hit your shoes as you waited for someone to answer the door.

A tall nice looking young man answered the door maybe 27or 26 definitely young when the world went to shit. By the big scar from his eyebrow to cheek, you knew he was the baker everyone spoke of. “Hi not trying to bother you, but I wondered if you could sell me some ingredients for a cake about… this big” you say showing him the size with your hands. You laugh at your own gesture, “Are there not any vendors you can bother?” He says scrunch up his face in disgust showing his rotten looking teeth.

“Ain’t none left out” you reply not as humorous as before. “uhhh I guess I can, but it’s gonna cost you about 35” he says giving you a creepy smiling that made you insanely uncomfortable “fuck that, for two eggs and some flower, 30 max” you low balled, you had forty but wasn’t willing to spend it all on a small cake “you out here by yourself? ” he asks, looking down the ally to see if someone else was with you

“no I’m not” you reply quickly hoping he doesn’t try anything stupid “so who you out here wit because I don’t see-“. You cut him off “are you gonna sell me the damn eggs or not” you say, bringing back his focus to the deal “35, final offer” he yells out you stay quiet for a second “Deal” you say grudgingly.

“Pay upfront” he says, holding out in a grabbing motion. “No, half” you say irritated “ok that works” he says looking down the ally again you count out 20 but hand him 17. He walks back inside for a second before coming back with a similar looking man, only older. The man looks you up and down like he’s plotting something “yeah she works”. You look down at his hands, there were no ingredients in sight just a rope. The old man looks down the ally “shi-“ before you can react the older one grabs you trying to pull you in the house.

You punch him in the face, making him lose his grip on you. You fall back on the concrete hard, You try to get up but slip on the wet ground. Before you can try to get up again, a fist connects to your face making the side of your face throb. The younger one grabs your arms, trying to tie you up. “Please no” you scream attempting to kick the older one away, “Stop moving Bitch!” the younger one yells trying to knot the rope. You kick the older one again and miss. He punches you again square in your jaw. You feel blood trickling down your lip and tears sting your eyes, “fuck you!” You scream, trying to kick as the older attempts to pull off your pants. Your shoe connects to his jaw.

“BITCH” he hissed, stumbling back he quickly picked up a large loose brick and smashing it against your leg at full force. You scream out in pain and everything goes black, amidst the darkness you swear you could hear Joel’s voices. When you wake up a couple of minutes later from the continuous rain droplets hitting your face.

Your eyelids feel heavy, and your head pounding, you realize Your arms are free. In the distance, You see Joel on top of one of the men, his fist connecting with his face over and over again. Slowly sitting up, you wipe your eyes, confused if what you were seeing was real.

As soon as you stand up completely, you wince in pain trying to keep your leg from giving out. Looking over, you see one of the men covered in blood in the doorway of the house. You couldn’t tell which one because of how badly his face was beaten in. In his pocket was your 17 ration cards, you bend down carefully yanking the blood covered cards out his pocket. “Cunt!” You say spitting at the unrecognizable face. You slowly stepped over the man and limp over to Joel, who was still punching the man. Instead of intervening you watched for a second as Joel punched him again and again and, again, without mercy not noticing your presence . You had never seen someone fight so ruthlessly for before you, and deep down you liked it.

You watched the rain carry the man's blood down into the cracks in the ground. Walking directly behind Joel, you finally grabbed his shoulder, “j- Joel, you can sto-“ suddenly you feel dizzy and you collapse. Joel instantly catches you, his blood hands gripping into your shirt.

He holds you in his arms for a minute, his shaking hand coming up to move away the bloody pieces of hair stuck on your face. “I thought I lost you” he quietly repeats, caressing your face for a second before hoisting you up in his arms and fire man carrying you away from the bloody scene.

~~~~

Two days have passed since the attack, you have probably been awake a total of 5 hours. Mostly in and out of consciousness, sleeping in bed and eating the little bits of food Joel brought you. Waking up you felt a bit better than yesterday, you decide to get up. Limping to the bathroom, you see yourself for the first time in the mirror since the attack. You walk closer to the mirror, slowly turning your head to examine your face and all its bruises. The whole right side of your face was partially swollen and bruised. Your lip had been busted, a big gash on it close to the corner.

You touched your lip to see if it had scabbed some. You wince, pulling your hand back in pain. You hear footsteps behind you and jump back, making your legs buckle. Joel quick grabs your waist, keeping you from falling. “It’s just me y/n, you’re ok” Joel says helping you regain your balance. “ Sorry I thought- never mind” you say letting out a tired sigh, you hold on to the bathroom sink for a better balance. When Joel see’s you're stabled, he finally lets go of you.

“You need to be in bed, your leg isn’t healed yet ”he says look at you with concern in his eyes. “ I thought I was feeling better” you laugh out, limping back towards the bed. “ I hate seeing you like this y/n” Joel says sitting down next to you, “ what do you mean I look great ”You say gesturing to your swollen face while positioning yourself up on some pillows. Joel lets out a small laugh “ at least you still got your humor” he states, grabbing the mug you gave him off the dresser before handing it to you.

“ At least…- what’s this ?” You ask looking down at the cup “it's coffee, to wake you up a bit” he says “thanks you” you whisper taking a sip the hot coffee stings your lip. There’s a beat of silence before he speaks,“ I should’ve been there earlier” Joel mumbles looking at you with tired eyes before wiping his face and sighing in his hands. “ There’s nothing else you could have done” you say, putting the coffee back down on the night stand.

“No, y/n There was… I followed you, it was late and raining, I didn’t want anything to happen, so I followed, when you passed the market I followed you to that alley. I saw you there smiling with that man a-and I don’t know what I thought but… I left you, I regretted and when I turned back I saw-”

He cuts himself off looking at the ground angry distorting his face, his fist balling up tight.

You don’t respond right away, letting the words sink in before you answer. You run your hand up the side of his face, resting it there.

“ Did you like it?” You ask, staring intently at Joel, “like what?” He asked confused. “Did you like beating them bloody?” you ask, eyes never leave his search for a reaction. “Y/N I-I Couldn’t control m-“ he says slowly shaking his head as thought about the incident in detail swirl through his mind.

“yes or no” you ask again plainly “yes, I did but-“ you cut him off quickly “good, they fucking deserved it” you say angrily.

“Why did you do it baby tell my why you did it, I wanna hear you say it” you say desperately want to hear Joel’s reasoning. “ When I saw you like that… it was like I couldn’t see or feel anything but anger, I hadn’t even realized how bad it was until I heard your voice calling for me“. He says look back at you with tired eyes “I thought I had lost another person I cared for, I never wanted you to see me like that” he says with another stressed filled sigh “they deserved it, if you hadn’t come when you did…”

You takes a deep breath before talking again “all I know is when I woke up, the people who had hurt me were hurting as well and I Revel in the thought, of them knowing you killed them for me, to protect me, when nobody else would. You did nothing wrong baby you protected me”

Joel doesn’t say anything, just leaves a lazy kiss on your lips. You deepen the kiss ignoring the pain, pulling him closer, Joel cups the back of your head and you straddle him. He breaks the kiss for a second to kiss your forehead “I don’t ever wanna feel like that again” he says pain straining his voice.

[risingoftime]

Where are all of the Joel Miller x black reader fic writers?? I need to see more content. I feel like I'm scavenging. Do I have to do it all myself?

[realangelahernandez]

I’m so sad… time for an x reader fan fiction