#mama and papa ghafa

[ruins-and-rewritez]

Inej: mom, dad, I want you to meet my friends

Inej: this is bad choices, daddy issues, chaos theory, and rush to judgement.

Inej: and this is my boyfriend... traumatic backstory

The Crows:

Inej's mom:

Inej's dad: it's nice to meet you all

Inej: 😁

[kazcreates]

The Kanej Dreams AU

(The synopsis of a fic that I plan to finish eventually)

In a world where soulmates can visit each other in their dreams if they are asleep at the same time, despite living in different countries far apart, once little Kaz Rietveld and Inej Ghafa meet, they’re practically inseparable. Inej begs her mama and papa to put her to bed early so that she can see her friend. They have the most wonderful times together, in a dreamland of their own making.

For years, it goes on like this. They play and laugh and tell each other stories of their homelands, their families, their friends. They don’t yet know what it means that they are there, together.

A little while after Kaz turns 8, things change. Inej arrives one night to their dreamscape, and Kaz is not there waiting for her. She finds him crying and distressed. He tells her that he and Jordie will have to leave their home tomorrow, their father is dead. He is terrified, but she comforts him and keeps him company throughout the night.

That’s the last time she sees him for the next 8 years.

When they meet again, the dreamscape is different. No longer the vast open fields that they had explored in their youth, but a single room, meagerly furnished. Inej is dressed in purple menagerie silks. She does not recognize the boy sitting behind the desk across from her, but she still knows his name.

“Kaz?”

[cameliawrites]

collision course outtake: mama & papa

When I was writing my most recent kanej fic, “collision course,” a lot of sections ended up moved around, rewritten, or just left on the cutting room floor. I thought I would share two short snippets that were deleted in the final draft, simply because I wanted Inej, Kaz, & Nina to be the only speaking characters in this fic, and I thought these scenes would distract from the overall narrative arc. The first snippet was going to be placed in the first third of the fic; the short snippet at the end would have gone right before the final section of the story, before Inej’s letter to Nina. So here is a “collision course” outtake featuring Mama & Papa Ghafa:

When Inej sends the dates of her upcoming visit to the caravan, Mama replies, Shall I make space for one or for two?

They pester her about this for a few years. When she visits, Inej doesn’t tell them, we always sleep two feet apart. On the bad days, we can hardly bear to touch hands.

She tells them, “He’s very busy. He works very hard at his businesses in Ketterdam.”

Papa scoffs. “A hard worker is a virtuous man, but the man who works too hard is as offensive as the one who refuses to work at all. So he does not throw his life away on gambling, and drinking, and parties. But you are young. The most important thing in your life is family. How can he have any time for family when he is working so much?”

Inej thinks wryly, I’ve told Kaz much the same. But she bites her tongue, and tsks at Papa, and reminds him solemnly, “He hasn’t had much family for a very long time.”

Mama says, “All the more reason to bring him here, then.”

But there is a deep, dark, persistent part of Inej that worries: “Will he fit in?”

Alone in her cabin on The Wraith, it is lovely to imagine Kaz as part of her family, but the images are all hazy and vague: Kaz and Inej, sitting together near the campfire; watching her little cousins practice on the wire; curled together beneath silk sheets, in a caravan of their own. What would it really look like, when Kaz does not know the words they speak, let alone the songs they sing around the campfire? When he does not know the rhythms of the work days when they practice, and the saints’ days when they rest? When he can bear the feeling of Inej’s skin against his own, but not the passing caresses of her mother, or the bone-crushing hugs of her aunties, or the relentless leg-tugging of her cousins?

But Papa says, “Him fitting in here isn’t as important as him being here. Have him come, and we will figure out the rest along the way. Family is not only joy, but also pain. You do not get to choose which one comes your way, only who you get to bear it with.”

. . . [intervening story sections]

When Inej sends the dates of her upcoming visit to the caravan, Mama replies, Shall I make space for one or for two?

Kaz writes,

Mrs. Ghafa,

Would you do me the honor of making space for two?

[yarn-yogi]

I definitely headcanon that Kaz and Inej end up with adopted children.

The Wraith Captain rescues so many kidnapped children on the seas, and not all of them are going to have families to be returned to.

If they're older, perhaps she can take them on as crew members, if they'd like. But the young ones need to find more stable homes.

For a while, Kaz successfully pairs them up with families who can't have children, or just those ready to love more. Perhaps he even sends some to live with Wylan and Jesper!

But you know eventually, the timing just isn't going to work out, or some children really catch Kaz's eye for one reason or another.

Before anyone knows what happened, he's just seamlessly blended them into the Crow Club. Most people probably don't even realize they're his. Because I'm sure he makes it known that certain children are just good investments to keep around.

And Mama Wraith will roll her eyes whenever he says that, and hug all her little children close to her.

[frick6101719]

i love your kanej parents fic!! you said before that you have a lot of thoughts about mama ghafa and inej talking about motherhood, do you mind sharing them?

Oh Anon, I never mind sharing my thoughts about Kanej as parents (or anything, really). So glad you asked!

As I mentioned a bit in the post to which you're referring, I think both Kaz and Inej will have complicated feelings about the idea of parenthood. I think Kaz will deal more with feelings of unworthiness and worry that he'll be bad at caring for someone the way a father should care about their child, but I think Inej will have to address her fear that what happened to her could happen to her child. Which is a recipe for just SO much angst 😊

More under the cut:

I think when Inej first realises she wants kids she doesn't really feel afraid; I think that comes later. Continuing from my thoughts on that previous post, I think Inej starts off on this journey feeling confident; she and Kaz have just spent the evening with the Van Ecks, and she's been watching Kaz be The Coolest Uncle to Jesper and Wylan's kiddos and feeling horny intrigued by the idea of a child of their own. A little of her and a little of Kaz, all in one tiny bundle? What's not to love?

At this point I'd guess thirty is around the corner for them both, and they've accomplished a lot. By now Kaz has the entire Barrel (if not the entire city) under his thumb, she is basically the queen of pirates and the bane of slavers everywhere, and they're pretty much untouchable. So as she leaves the Van Eck mansion for their own just a little ways down the Geldcanal (personal headcanon that Kaz's open admiration of the décor in Hoede's mansion prompts him to buy it at some point after CK) thoughts of all the ways this could go wrong are far from her mind. Their world is as safe as it's ever been, after all, which is something she tells him--several times--in the many, many discussions they have together before deciding to go ahead with this.

The first time they have unprotected sex there's a stirring of panic, but it's mixed in with all the excitement of "I guess we're really doing this!" Inej is deliriously happy with it all, struck by her love for the man she married, for his love for her, for the faith they have in one another to trust each other with their bodies and with the possibility of the new life that they may create.

The fact that they're not really trying to conceive so much as allowing for the possibility means that it doesn't totally feel real until Inej is waking up in her little cabin on The Wraith, checking and seeing that no, she hasn't started to bleed in the night, and that makes nearly seven weeks, and Saints above this is really happening.

Now the panic is real. What has she done? She is on a ship right now actively hunting slavers--almost the most dangerous thing she could be doing. And a child?? In this world? Where children still aren't entirely safe from those who would seek to steal them away from home and sell them into unspeakable horrors? How could she be so foolish??

And somehow, they end up pointed toward Ravka, instead of continuing on the lead they were chasing. By the time they get to the Suli camp, Inej has her worries buried deep. She's Captain Inej Ghafa, after all, and she doesn't need to panic because she can solve this problem. Or... she could, if she could actually determine what the problem is. Because the problem can't be the tiny thing growing in her belly which she already loves more than she can possibly say; it can't be Kaz, the only person she wants to do this with; and it can't be the baby's safety, because... well didn't she tell Kaz over and over that they would be able to protect their child??

Ostensibly this unexpected visit is because Inej wanted to tell her family the news herself, but Mama Ghafa recognizes the fear in her daughter's eyes that even her bravest face can't hide. After dinner she invites Inej back to her wagon to chat about whatever is on her mind, and Inej shouldn't be surprised but her Mama just knows.

"A mother's instinct," she explains, offering a gentle smile, and all of Inej's efforts to be strong collapse and she bursts into tears.

They'd always kind of tip-toed around the subject of Inej's abduction, and whenever they did talk about it they talked about what Inej went through. Sure it had been hard to tell her parents about the horrors she'd endure--even if she did so rather vaguely--but she felt that she needed to, that it was important to her and her healing. But however hard that was, it pales in comparison to hearing her mother tell her about what she and Papa went through during those years when they knew nothing about what happened to their daughter and couldn't help but fear the worst.

This too, Inej thinks, is important for her to hear. She needs to hear her mother say that her fears for her unborn child are valid, and she needs to hear her say that she mustn't let those fears control her. There is joy, love, and laughter ahead of her, and there is also frustration and heartache and fear. Parenthood isn't any one thing, and it isn't for everyone, but if Inej and Kaz have decided this is something that they want, then they deserve it, and they deserve all the immeasurable happiness it will bring.

Papa Ghafa arrives at the wagon a couple of hours later to find Inej leaning against her mother's chest, wrapped in her arms, both of them puffy-eyed but smiling. He fetches a pot of tea, seeing they've cried themselves dehydrated, and joins them, eager to celebrate Inej's wonderful news.

The three of them stay up all night, her parents taking turns telling stories of children and their shenanigans (Inej even shares a few stories she'd coaxed from her husband over a glass or two of whiskey), which turns into Inej asking questions about pregnancy and birth, which turns into questions about parenting, which turns into her parents offering sometimes-conflicting pieces of advice while the sun slowly rises behind the tree line. This is a pattern they repeat over Inej's long visit with her family, often with the addition of aunties and uncles and older cousins and anyone with advice or a story to share. And Inej treasures every one.

Now I'm not totally sure what Inej decides to do for the rest of her pregnancy--I kind of like the idea that she heads back to Ketterdam for the next few months, offering her spidery services once more to the Dregs because she wants to share these precious months with her husband (also because Dirtyhands does give the best massages for that lower back pain that never seems to leave her alone). It would also be amazing to have the Wraith be back, growing more and more pregnant with every sighting and still kicking ass as much as ever.

But I DO know for sure that Inej's parents arrive at the mansion about a month before Inej's due date, and get to spend all kinds of quality time with their daughter and soothe her fears as the panic of motherhood is picking up again. I'm obsessed with the idea that Marya is there too, and that she and Mama Ghafa are the ones who stay up all night with Inej when she goes into labour, helping deliver little Rosanna right before dawn. For sure Kaz is awake all night too, as is Inej's father, and Mama Ghafa probably has to kick Kaz out of the room until the baby is actually almost born because yes of course he deserves to be there for the birth of his first child but if he doesn't stop pacing he is going to drive them all insane. So Kaz gets to spend some time with the quiet and level-headed Papa Ghafa, hearing stories of Inej as a child and his own fears when his wife went into labour with her, sympathising and distracting Kaz when he needs it most.

I'm absolutely letting this run away from me but I do think that the Ghafas come to visit much more often after their granddaughter is born. Personally I've always felt that there are a lot of hurdles for Inej and her parents after spending so many years apart, not because their love has diminished at all but because the daughter they found is not the same as the daughter they lost, and they have to reconcile with that. I think they've all come a really long way since their reunion, but I think something about this whole experience and Inej becoming a parent herself does away with any lingering dissonance; she understands them in a way she didn't before, and I think getting to go through this experience together brings the whole family together in a brand new way.

[justdaphne]

This takes place many years after the events in Crooked Kingdom and after Kanej have healed

On the streets of Ketterdam, the late September breeze blew gently. It was early, just after sunrise and yet you could hear the sound of business. The sound of coins clinking and clanking, possibly the sound of guns here and there and of course, the loud sound of the people. It was just like any other day in Ketterdam.

The Wraith had just arrived at Ketterdam and shortly after docked at Berth 22. After months out at sea, hunting down slavers and saving many innocent lives, it was time to return home and rest before they head out for their next mission. Some of the crew exited the ship, looking forward to seeing their friends and family once again while others stayed a little longer to clean up, fix the sails and prepare for their next journey.

The last to leave were the ship’s Captain and her parents who were visiting Ketterdam. The Captain made a trip to Ravka just to pick them. They were talking and laughing as they left the ship, smiles bright on their faces. Inej caught sight of a figure standing on the deck, bare hands resting on top of the silver crow head of the cane, wearing the fedora she had just bought for him. Kaz.

His dark eyes glinted in the sunlight as he saw her, a grin spread across his face. She sprinted across the deck to meet him and Kaz could hear her giggling. excitedly. It was the same laugh he wished to bottle up and get drunk on. Inej embraced him, nearly knocking him off his feet. She put her chin on his left shoulder. Kaz returned the hug and wrapped his arms around her.

“Captain”

“Dirtyhands”

Kaz gently kissed her forehead.

‘’I missed you.’’ he sighed.

‘’I missed you too.’’ she whispered, ‘’Do you like the hat I got you?’’

‘’I’m wearing it right now, aren’t I?’’

A small smile touched her lips.

‘’Tell me about your trip when we’re both in the slat,’’ he murmured as they both let go, ‘’Your parents are probably hungry after a long trip, aren’t they?’’ Inej’s parents caught up quickly and greeted Kaz. ‘’Mr Brekker! A pleasure to see you again.’’ said Mr Ghafa. ‘’The pleasure’s all mine, sir.’’ Kaz replied awkwardly. It was still a bit awkward for Kaz to meet Inej’s parents but it was improving. ’Are you both hungry, Mama, Papa? There’s this cafe and I’ve been eager to take you both there.’’ Inej said.

‘’Alright’’ They replied happily.

[bookworlders]

mine

“Is my tie straight?”

Kaz watched as Inej lept into her parents’ arms, a sob of joy escaping her lips. The trio fell to the ground of the dock in an embrace.

Morav and Nadja Ghafa. It hadn’t taken long for Sturmhond’s trackers to find their Suli caravan passing through Os Kervo and deliver Kaz’s message and boat tickets to Ketterdam.

Nadja had the same long, beautiful black hair that glinted amberl in the rising sun. Inej had clearly gotten her nose and that blinding smile that Kaz didn’t see nearly enough from her father.

The family hugged and cried and hugged again. Her family. Kaz was about to turn away to give them privacy when Inej rose and reached for him.

“Kaz,” she said, her eyes shining with tears, “Meet my parents, Nadja and Morov. Mama, Papa, this is Kaz Brekker.”

Kaz panicked, regretting not putting his gloves back on as he realized he should shake their hands, but Nadja surged forward and enveloped Kaz in a tight hug. She smelled like Inej, warm spice and sunshine. He froze, but she released him a second later, grasping his arms over his black coat.

“Thank you,” Nadja said in accented Kerch through her teary smile, “Thank you for bringing our Inej to us, Kaz Brekker.”

“It was my pleasure,” Kaz replied.

“Who are you? The king’s messenger would not tell us who you are.”

“I’m Inej’s…” Kaz met her gaze over her mother’s shoulder, “I’m Inej’s.”

Nadja turned to her daughter with a raised eyebrow. Inej laughed, “Yes, Mama. He’s mine.”

Inej’s father said something to her in animated Suli, gesturing to him. She laughed, “Kaz, Papa thanks you too.” But Kaz guessed he had said more than that.

“I’m sure you're hungry after the journey. Go have breakfast somewhere, show them your city, Wraith.” Inej beamed at him, arm and arm with her parents. “Don’t worry about your bags, I’ll have them sent over to Wylan’s. They’re expecting you all.”

Inej turned to him, “We’ll see you there later, yes?”

“Of course.”

She shot him a smile as she turned to lead her parents towards the Zelver district. Ghezen, she was sunshine. That smile could melt the ice in his veins.

xx

I can’t stop thinking about these two

[ruins-and-rewritez]

So obviously Inej introduces all her friends to her parents, you know Kaz, and this is my friend Jesper, and I just know that Inej told Jes a bunch of fake Suli greetings and whatnot that are basically the adult jokes hidden in kids movies so he walks up to Inej's cousin Asha and in totally butchered Suli says something ridiculous like "My head isn't the only thing that's hard around here" and thinks he's saying "it's great to finally meet up after hearing so much about you" and Inej just collapses hysterically behind him because that was so worth it

[thanks--for--listening]

figments of the dark

yes i read all the grishaverse books after watching the show yes i’ve now written kanej fic yes they’re my dream couple no i’m not okay mentally. SPOILERS FOR CROOKED KINGDOM this fic takes place right after it. 

(also on ao3)

~~

She kept pace with him initially. Walking down to the harbor, he watched as the Suli couple moved closer and closer, the details of their appearance materializing with each step. The gray of the man’s hair creeping in at the edges. The woman’s long braid lying gracefully over her shoulder. Their hands clasped together, tugging each other along as the distance between them and their daughter disappeared. Inej was nearly jumping out of her own skin, but she stayed by his side, only breaking into a sprint when there was nothing but a few feet separating them. It was the most impressive feat of strength he’d seen from her. From anyone, if he was being honest. 

They swallowed her whole. Neither were particularly tall, but they towered over her nonetheless, their arms wrapping effortlessly around her delicate frame. As he stepped closer, he could hear them amidst the sobs, the prayers usually whispered under Inej’s breath now spoken loudly and without reservation. Their foreignness was familiar. Kaz might not have cared for gods or saints, for myths and legends, but the sound of their devotion still soothed his racing heart.

He stood back as they held one another. A feeling deep in his gut ignited softly, a spark burning in isolation: not strong enough to turn into a flame, but with enough heat to leave a scar. It wasn’t resentment — he would have given anything for her to have this moment, would have let the rest of the world crumble around them if that’s what it cost — but an aftertaste of something else lingered as he watched them. No matter how often he won, how deft defying the odds or complicated the scheme, he’d never have anyone waiting for him when the dust settled. Not like Inej did. Not like Jesper did. His victories had long been celebrated in solitude, and he’d come to terms with that years ago. 

Still, the feeling seemed to whisper, a voice in his head that sounded like someone he knew. Still.

“Kaz!” He blinked the thoughts away, straightened his back as they walked toward him. “Mama, Papa, this is Kaz Brekker. He’s saved my life more times than I can count.”

“Your daughter paints me in a better light than I deserve.” He looked at her as he added, “No one has ever protected me the way she has.”

Their eyes were locked, and he saw it again. One of the first lessons Ketterdam had taught him was to read faces as if they were words on a page. Any hand could be won, any man could be manipulated, if one could learn to see beneath the surface. Nobody could hide forever. Their hearts would give them away every time. 

Now he was grateful for the lesson. Not for the victories it had led to, or the money he’d won, but for the undeniable truth of what he saw. Adoration. When Inej looked at him, it was as if the entire harbor floated away, and all that was left were the tears in her eye and the smile on her face. It didn’t matter that the real joy had come from her parents; he would use any excuse to be on the other end of that look, regardless of whether he deserved it.

Kaz didn’t even notice her father until Inej stuck her arm out, spoke in quick and hushed Suli. He didn’t have to know the language to understand — Mr. Ghafa had moved to embrace him, until Inej stood in the way. Kaz had been lost in the endless depths of her eyes, drawn to them like a sailor to a siren, so fixated he would have drowned rather than tear his gaze away. Inej, his better in every way that mattered and every way that didn’t, had never lost sight of the world around them. Even now, when the threat came in the form of a grateful father, when her focus should have been at its weakest, she was still protecting him. 

He wanted to tell her that he would take it. The touch, and the revulsion that came with it. The gratitude he’d done nothing to earn. He would suffer any pain, subject himself to all kinds of agony, play whatever character she wanted, even the farm boy he knew had died in that river. He would hunt the world for her wretched saints and construct an altar of his own, if it kept that smile on her face. 

“Thank you,” her mother said, the words still muddled by the tears that had yet to stop. “Thank you for keeping her safe.”

Safety didn’t exist in Ketterdam, and it certainly wasn’t what he’d given her when he’d taken her out of that Menagerie, but he kept his mouth shut, nodded curtly. That wasn’t his story to tell. 

“Every day, we searched,” her father said. “They told us to give up. They said you were lost, that those who took you would never let you go. They said you wouldn’t make it no matter where you’d gone, but we said no. Our Inej has angels on her shoulders and wings on her back. She can survive anything.”

If she hadn’t been before, Inej was crying now. With every passing moment, Kaz felt more and more like an intruder. He wondered if it was some sort of retribution for each time he’d sent her to creep in through someone’s window, to become the audience they weren’t aware of. How much had he learned from her being privy to moments like this, so intimate and exposed? What had it cost her to push back the guilt that came with the encroachment?

“I can,” she said. “But I didn’t have to do it alone.”

He listened half-heartedly as she told them about Wylan and Jesper and Nina. The house she was staying in, with a staff and a view and a life that was much more palatable to those unfamiliar with the stench of the Barrel. Painting over their history was effortless with those kinds of tools. The only question was how long it could last. 

As they began walking, he forced his face into neutrality, buried any evidence of the thoughts that ran through his mind. They would have to find out eventually. Perhaps not all of it, and ideally not all at once, but in due time the truth would become unavoidable. They spoke of survival as if it was an honorable thing, but where that ship had taken Inej, only those with the sharpest of claws and malleable of morals made it out alive. Dirtyhands may have become his title, but nobody around here could claim cleanliness. Not even the dead.

The path made itself clear, the flip of the final card coming to him with striking clarity. A death blow delivered by the river, turning a winning hand into a losing one in a single fluid motion. They had been looking for their lost child, for a little girl who only ever pushed the limits in a performance. But the secret to the Dregs was that everyone was already dead. They may have called themselves Crows, but like phoenixes born from the ashes of their old lives, rebirth was an entry level requirement. Whoever they’d gone searching for, the Ghafa’s had found someone else. He didn’t know when they’d realize it, when they’d look at their daughter and see a stranger in her place, but he knew the moment would come. And for the first time in his short and miserable life, Kaz longed to be wrong. 

Tuning back into the conversation, he caught the tail end of a list of relatives, each one having done their own part in trying to find her. Inej stood in between them as they walked. Kaz let himself fall back just slightly, a pace behind theirs. It was as much privacy as he could give out on the street. Things may have improved for the Dregs in the past few weeks, but that didn’t mean people weren’t still watching, waiting to find them in a moment of weakness, waiting for their chance to steal the throne Kaz and his crew had built from nothing. 

“We’ll send a letter as soon as we make it to your friends’ home. Nobody knew what to believe when the messenger came to us with news about you. Half the family were convinced this was all a scam, a ruse to kidnap us as well.”

“Your aunts will start planning the celebration before we even board the ship home,” her mother said with a smile. The tears had eased up, replaced with effortless joy and comfort. “Preparing the food will take half the length of the trip, at least.”

Inej let out a moan. “Nobody in Ketterdam knows how to cook properly.”

Her mother’s smile grew, something he hadn’t thought was possible. “Anything you want, I’ll make. Saints willing, I’ll be cooking for you for the rest of my life.”

“You’re in for a treat,” her father added. “Ever since the circus ended, your mother has been cooking non-stop. Everything will be better than you remember.”

“Wait,” her eyebrows scrunched together. “What do you mean, the circus ended?”

The smiles faded. “We tried,” he said, his voice tainted with the somber weight of grief that grew heavier over time. “But how could we go on without our star? How could we look to the sky and see someone else walking amongst the clouds?”

“It wasn’t fair,” her mother said softly. “To the family. They needed the performances to survive, but we…we needed every moment to search for you. We needed you to survive.”

They’d slowed their pace, and even though he slowed with them, they now stood nearly side by side. Kaz left a gap the size of a person between him and her father in a pathetic and slightly selfish attempt at disappearing. He’d have pulled an Inej and evaporated altogether, had she not asked him to stay. 

“I’m sorry,” Inej said, and he couldn’t see her face clearly but he could hear the tears in her voice. 

“For what, zheji?”

“For being the reason you stopped. Performing was our lives. It was everything you’d worked toward.”

“Inej, you are our lives. You are more important than any stage or crowd. You are worth more than any money in the world.” Her mother stopped walking, grabbed hold of her face as she said, “I would walk away from the circus a thousand times if it meant you were safe.”

Inej just nodded. The feeling snuck in again, quick and quiet and sharp; he forced it back down as they started walking again. He refused to let his pitiful, despicable nature ruin any part of this moment for her. 

“And who knows?” Her father said, the cheer in his voice somehow both authentic and artificial. “Once you come home, maybe we can put the show back on the road. Perform as a family again.”

Oh. So this was the moment. He’d known it was a possibility when he’d made the deal, but his mind had refused to accept it. The life he led required foresight, examining every outcome for every choice, but he hadn’t found the strength to prepare for this ending: the moment she left.

His step staggered ever so slightly. It shouldn’t have been noticeable, shouldn’t have disrupted the rhythm of their walk, but like a conductor trained to spot the lone instrument out of tune, Inej turned. She stared first at the ground in front of him, then brought her gaze up. Met his. An inquisitive look flashed across her face, as if she was searching for the disruption. Or perhaps she was searching for something else. 

He tried to school his features into something legible, to show her the answer she was looking for. The permission, although it wasn’t his to give. The forgiveness, although there was no guilt to absolve. Even when he wanted to fall onto his hands and knees and beg her to stay; even when the thought of her living across the true sea made the air around him grow thicker and his lungs smaller, made breathing a painful, labored thing. He nodded his head slightly even when every nerve in his body fought against it, because if there was anyone who deserved to turn their back on Ketterdam and leave it all behind, it was her. If leaving was what made her happy, he’d send her off without a single word of protest. If she wanted to fly on her own land, on her own accord, who was he to ground her, to tie her wings for the sake of his own spoiled heart?

Inej didn’t say anything, but the look on her face…Kaz wasn’t one to cling to hope, but he grasped desperately to her reluctance, to the way she bit her lip and kept her eyes away from her parents. Even if she also kept them away from him.

— 

Jesper had a thousand questions. 

He’d spent half of dinner begging the Ghafas for stories about Inej as a child, and the other half endlessly praising Mrs. Ghafa’s cooking. Kaz couldn’t fault him for the latter — Inej and her mother had spent most of the afternoon in the kitchen, and what they’d come out with was quite easily the best meal he’d ever had. The way they managed to extract flavors he’d never tasted before from the ingredients he’d had at his disposal for years was an art form in itself, one that rivaled even his own general resourcefulness. And the smell. Envy reared its ugly head at the thought of Wylan and Jesper getting to enjoy the lingering scent long after the meal had been devoured.

“We had a guest faint during one of her performances.” Her father was telling the story with the same enthusiasm as he had with every one that came before. Where Inej was silent and still, her father was big and bold, every move exaggerated and every word announced rather than spoken. Kaz wondered whether it had always been her nature, or whether he was witnessing what Inej might have been had she not been forced into the shadows. 

“Faint? Because of Inej?”

“Oh, yes. You see, we realized that we couldn’t make it look too easy. Not that it was easy, of course, but when Inej walks that rope, it looks effortless. So we staged a wobble, a moment for her to pretend to lose her balance. Oh, the way people panicked! They’d hold their breaths and try to hide their eyes, but none of them could ever look away, not until she made it to the other side.”

“Was the woman who passed out okay?” Wylan asked.

Her father shook his head. “You misunderstand. Women never looked away. They stared with intensity, as if their eyes could carry her to safety. The poor man collapsed right there in the front row.”

“He didn’t even see the rest of my act,” Inej added. “That’s the real travesty.”

“Maybe he’ll come back and see how it ends once you’re home.” Kaz saw it again, the feeling streaking across her face like a runaway star. Only this time, it wasn’t reluctance: it was guilt. 

“I can’t.”

“Can’t what, zheji?”

The first words had come out softly, but when Inej looked up at her father, she spoke with the determination that Kaz had grown used to. “I can’t stay. I can’t rejoin the circus.”

“So you’re out of practice. It’s nothing a little time can’t fix! You have magic in you, Inej. That doesn’t just go away.”

“No,” she said. “I can’t rejoin the circus because I have to come back. Here, to Ketterdam.”

Her mother reached across the table, put her hands in her own. “They took you against your will. Against our will. Whoever stole you can’t stop us from taking you home. Nobody can keep you here anymore.”

“No,” she said, “you’re not hearing me. I want to go home. I want to see the family, to spend time with you. But I also want to come back.”

“I don’t understand,” her father said, and Kaz could hear the desperation creeping into his voice. “What could a place like this possibly have that would be worth leaving your family? Leaving your home?”

“Papa, it’s not about leaving you.” Jesper was practically bouncing out of his own skin, and Wylan’s eyes scoured the room in search of anything else to look at, but Kaz kept his gaze fixed on the table in front of them. A part of him knew the noble thing, the polite thing, would be to silently excuse himself, to give the Ghafas this moment alone. But Inej had started it with them there, and Kaz didn’t have the willpower to walk away before he heard her answer. 

“Then what is it about?”

“It’s about everyone else.” Inej spoke with fervor, impassioned with purpose and righteousness. It fit her better than being a spider ever had. “There are hundreds of little girls and boys going through exactly what I did. Only they don’t get rescued. They don’t have anyone looking out for them.” She spared a quick glance his way; he pretended not to notice. “I can’t go home while they suffer.”

“So it is us who should suffer, then?”

Inej groaned. “Mama, that isn’t fair and you know it.”

“Life isn’t fair,” her father said. “The world is full of terrible people, Inej. You can’t—“

“Trust me when I say I know the terrors of both men and women alike.” Venom had slipped into her voice. Kaz watched the shock slowly register across her parents’ faces, watched as they blinked at the girl who had replaced their daring but soft-spoken daughter. He wondered when they’d truly process her words. Back in Ravka? On the boat home? Maybe it would come while they lay awake tonight, dreams poisoned by the realization that some version of their worst nightmare had come true. That even though she stood in front of them now, seemingly all in one piece, Ketterdam had still taken something from her, and nothing they ever did could give it back.

“I only meant to say,” her father continued, his tone shifting into something gentler, “that this battle is one you’ll likely never win. There’s no end to greed. Not in this lifetime. Perhaps not even in the next. Every enemy you defeat, every man you force into accountability, will only be replaced by two more looking to use his failure as a stepping stone.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to adjust my aim. Target the root and not the weeds.”

“Why?” Her mother groaned, frustration and terror written all over her face. “Why does it have to be you? Someone else can save the world. Someone else’s daughter can play the hero. Why can’t you just come home?”

“Who, Mama? Who’s gonna save them if not me? Who’s going to watch out for them when their families are told they’re dead and nobody else comes looking?” She turned toward her father. “I know it’s a losing hand. But I’m not the same person I was before. I know how to win with anything now, how to bend the rules so they work in my favor.”

“But you don’t have to,” he begged. 

“If nobody ever tries, nothing gets better. I have to try, Papa. I owe them at least that much. I owe myself that much.”

The silence spread quickly. He knew there was nothing in the air, but the tension felt like a gas leak, like one spark could set the whole house ablaze. Kaz watched the way they stared across the table, each waiting for the other to break first but neither one wanting to watch them burn. Even if he hadn’t been a betting man, he would have known who to back in this fight of wills. Whether on the ground or in the air, Inej would hold steady. If nothing else, he could count on that.

Jesper clapped his hands, the sound echoing across the room that felt both overwhelmingly big and suffocatingly small. “So! Who’s up for a little music?”

—

Kaz found her exactly where he expected to. The sound of Wylan’s piano faded as he cracked open the window, pulling himself up onto the roof even when his leg throbbed in protest. 

Inej didn’t move, didn’t do anything to acknowledge his presence. She didn’t have to — she always knew where he was, just as he did her. Climbing up to her perch, he let the sounds of the city surround them. It never mattered what time of day it was: someone in Ketterdam was always awake, and therefore, no one was ever truly alone.

“They don’t believe me,” she said softly. He fought the urge to turn toward her; he knew that some words were more easily spoken to something rather than someone. “They think that the minute I get home, I’ll just forget about everything here.”

“Unfortunately, I think Jesper’s singing is going to be permanently ingrained in all our minds.”

He spared a quick glance, caught the corners of her mouth creeping upward. “Who needs to remember? I’m positive the sound will carry all the way across the true sea and into Ravka.”

“We should be grateful for their diminished armies, then. If they had the means, I’m positive this performance would be a worthy cause to go to war.”

She laughed then, just once, but saints the sound was enough to send electricity through his entire body. He’d start a war himself for that sound. He’d crawl into the Ice Court with nothing but his own two hands. He’d try and heal the shattered bits inside himself if it meant he got to hear her at her happiest, if he got to be the one to make her feel that way in the first place. 

Kaz wanted to stay like this, to poke fun and let the future disappear, to laugh and let the hard words hide beneath the sound, but he’d never had a habit of doing what was good for him. The dead of night exposed questions that cowered in the light of day, and for all his strength, he couldn’t resist knowing the answers. “Would it be so bad? To forget this place?”

“I could never do that. Not even if I wanted to.”

“You don’t know if that’s true. Time away, back with your family, it could help. It could…heal.”

Inej finally turned toward him, the daggers in her eyes as accurate and deadly as the ones strapped to her wrists. “Do you really think you could just leave and pretend like none of this ever happened?”

Part of him wanted to lie, wanted to believe in a world where the past stayed locked in history and the future could be its own thing entirely. If not for himself, then for her. But while the sentiment may have been foreign to her parents, Kaz and Inej spoke the language of the Dregs. There was a reason people got tattooed when they joined: being a Crow wasn’t something you could ever leave behind. 

“No,” he said. “I don’t.”

“Exactly.” She turned forward again, stared at the city as if it could give her whatever answer she was looking for. “All night, I could feel my parents looking for a ghost. They remember a girl whose only dream in life was to walk across air, but there are other things that matter more to me than the fucking applause.” She leaned back without losing her balance. “I don’t think they’re ready to see the person I’ve become.”

“Then they’re missing out on the strongest, bravest, and most honorable person in all of Ketterdam.”

Inej raised an eyebrow at him. There was curiosity in her eyes, and behind it, something more. Something he hadn’t seen on her yet, despite spending a considerable amount of time stealing glances, soaking in the sight of her whenever he could afford to. He couldn’t be sure, but it almost looked like pride. “Since when do you care for honor?”

“Since you watched me at my weakest and my worst, and still deemed me a worthy cause for devotion.” He kept his eyes on her now, emboldened by the light of the moon and the truth of his words. “You look to your saints for guidance, but I look to you. So long as you stand by me, I know I haven’t strayed too far.”

As he spoke, he carefully slipped his hand out of his glove; when the only sound left was the echo of his words around them, he reached for her hand, let his own slide into place within it. Immediately the rush came, the concoction of emotions all tangled up and twisted. He squeezed, let the pressure of her reciprocation ground him in the present and on dry land. 

Pain would always come first. No matter how much time passed, no matter who he was with, Kaz wasn’t sure that would ever change. For so long the agony had held a chokehold on anything else that might come with it, suppressing desire until it was all but nonexistent. The longer they held onto one another, though, the stronger it became. Inej dulled the anguish until it was no sharper than a blunt knife, until he could feel everything else without being blinded by the blade. 

Eventually, she let go, only to shift and drop her head onto his shoulder. She rested largely on his jacket, but there was a sliver, right by his neck, where their skin came together. It set his pulse on fire. It felt like exhaling. Like holding something so delicate in his hands he didn’t dare breathe and risk disturbing it. The weight of her against him sent all his senses up into disarray, and he wondered for half a second if this was what the rush of parem felt like, because with Inej leaning against him. he swore he could see, hear, feel everything. The pain all but evaporated. The world came gloriously into tune, and now that he’d heard the sweet sound it could make, Kaz wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to tolerate a sour note. 

“Thank you,” she whispered, the sound nearly blending into the ambiance provided by the sky above and ground below, nearly drowned by the synchronous beats of their hearts. “Thank you for bringing them back to me.”

“Anything,” he responded just as quietly. “No matter the cost nor the reason. If you ask, I’ll do anything.”

“Why?” The question was so genuine, and he wasn’t sure he had an answer. How could he possibly put into words the feeling of needing her happiness as much as he needed air to breathe? What could he give her that could show just how deeply he craved her, and how terrifying and exhilarating and all-encompassing that desire was? 

“You asked me earlier about my tell,” he said after a moment. His eyes were fixed on the city in front of him, but he could feel her gaze. This time, it was he who couldn’t say the words to her face. “I gave you a half-truth. My tell, my true vulnerability, the thing that gives me away every time, is you. When you’re by my side, no one else matters. Not the rest of the team, not the job. Nothing.”

“Is that why you…?” She didn’t have to finish her thought. He knew what moments she thought of, the constant battle inside himself she became victim to. The back and forth, longing turning to avoidance that never managed to last. A cycle he had yet to fully break out of. 

He nodded, just enough for her to see it. “Van Eck knew. That day he…when he threatened to kill everyone else, he set the trap that I walked right into. In the moment when we were all in peril, he followed my gaze and saw who I couldn’t afford to lose.”

“That’s funny,” she said, and he stared down at her, the confusion written all over his face. She tilted her head back slightly, just enough to look at him without breaking the contact. “Had he turned his eyes to me, he would have seen the same thing. I guess we damned each other that day.”

“It’s not funny.” He desperately tried to keep the edge out of his voice, but control was a fantasy when his mind went back to that night, to the days he spent in fear of Inej being tortured or killed or worse. “I vowed to never let anyone hurt you like that again because of me. Because of what you hurting would do to me.”

The quiet settled back in, as if it had never left, as if their conversation had already dissolved into oblivion. Her head shifted slightly, eyes turned back to the city in front of them. He longed to watch her, to search in her face for the thoughts running through her mind, but she still rested against his shoulder, and he would rather throw himself off the roof than disrupt the comfort she seemed to find there. Patience was something he’d once considered a virtue, but now it was practically nonexistent. 

“We can’t control the rest of the world,” she finally said. “Nor can we stop people from coming after us. Torturing yourself to stop someone else from doing it for you doesn’t solve anything; it only guarantees pain.”

“I’m no stranger to suffering. I’d rather withstand self-inflicting wounds. Those I can control.”

“It's not just you who suffers at your own hand.” She broke apart from him, shifted her body until they were face to face. A chill settled in where her head had been. 

When Inej was walking above him, traversing through territory only few could manage, he’d allowed himself to pretend she was safe. That her perch protected her from the terrors that struck on the ground. But now, sitting above the rest of the world, all he felt was exposed. He was not Inej. He had no control here; be it to the elements or his enemies, or the one who held his heart in her hands. Every part of him was vulnerable. 

“When you hurt yourself, when you consign your life to misery on the basis that it’s coming anyway, you hurt me as well. When you keep your distance, I’m the one who ends up untethered. You want to protect me from suffering on your behalf, but all you're doing is delivering the death blow yourself.”

“I…I never meant—“

“I know,” she said, her voice gentle and calm and everything he’d never deserved. “But I refuse to accept that pain any longer. I can’t love you if you spend all your time demolishing yourself. I’ll go down with this ship, but I can’t stay if you’re the one poking holes in the deck.”

“You won’t have to.” He’d never been one for vows, but he spoke them now, wondered if any of her beloved saints could hear him. If they would even dare listen to someone as depraved as he. “I can’t promise a miracle. I won’t lie to you and spew falsities about changes in morality that I know are nothing more than a cheap trick of the light. You deserve better than that. You deserve better than me. So every moment you choose to stay by my side is one I’ll devote to earning it.”

A crash from below sent them both to their weapons, before the sound of raucous laughter eased their grip. Kaz wondered if they’d ever stop anticipating the fight, if that instinct normally developed at childhood’s end, or if it was simply another consequence of living in Ketterdam. 

“I should probably go rescue my parents. We’ve left Jesper and Wylan to their own devices for too long.” He watched as she floated down the roof, as if the surface itself was flat and level, as if the force pulling them down to the ground was only optional. When she got to the windowsill, he expected her to disappear, but instead she stopped, hands gripping the edge of the roof. “You deserve better, too,” she told him. “Better than you’ve got. Better than you’re going to get. One day I’ll make you believe it.”

Kaz didn’t say anything, didn’t so much as breathe, not until she dropped through the window and out of sight. He stared at the spot she’d left behind. There was no trace of her, nothing he could point to to prove she was there. Only the catch in his breath and the chill on his skin. 

—

It was something he’d almost gotten used to by now. The smell. Saltwater had been one of the first things he’d learned to endure. Success and revenge both relied on the seas, so he’d spent as much time by the water as he could, until he could tolerate the scent without having to empty the contents of his stomach after so much as a whiff. It had been a lesson, he’d told himself. Every time served as a reminder that in order to beat Rollins, he’d need to leave the broken child behind. He’d need to become something better. Someone new. 

He didn’t know if it was the smell now that was nauseating, or the sight of the boat anchored on the harbor carrying Ravka’s double eagle flag. Inej’s parents had already begun making their way to the dock. Jesper and Wylan had given their heartfelt goodbyes back at the house; Kaz had said nothing, but followed a step behind them, just as he had upon their arrival. Inej never stopped him. He took her silence as an invitation. 

They’d passed The Wraith on their walk, and now his eyes kept trying to drag him back to it. Her ship turned his body and mind into a contradiction, elicited responses that shouldn’t have coexisted. Pride and fear, joy and sorrow, guilt and righteousness. It tempted him like a puzzle he wasn’t clever enough to solve, made him think that if he just kept looking, he might be able to sort it all out. To find an answer to a question he couldn’t ever ask. 

“You’ll watch over it when I’m gone?” He turned to face her, unsurprised that she followed his gaze even when the boat lay out of view. 

“Of course. I don’t abandon my investments.”

“Tell Specht he can start trying to put together a potential crew while I’m away. And that he’s got the job as my first mate if he wants it.”

“I’ll pass the word along.”

“Tell him to look into the girls first. The ones from the Menagerie.” 

“They may be hard to find,” he said casually. “Now that Heleen is shut down, most are scattered to the wind.”

“Then it’s a good thing he’ll have you.” Kaz raised an eyebrow at her, and she rolled her eyes. “I know you’ve kept tabs on them. Offered a place in the Slat, a new name and fresh start. Offered them a ticket home, too, if they have one.”

“I work for The Wraith,” he said in response. “She expects me to rid the world of evil women and men. Can’t do that if the girls have nowhere else to go.”

“What a formidable employer.”

Kaz smirked. “Rumor has it she’s got heartsick fools wrapped around her pinky, and slavers and scum crushed beneath her fist.”

“Is that so?”

“If the whispers are to be believed.”

“Sounds like a handful.”

“Only for the scum.”

“And for the heartsick fools?”

Sincerity slipped back in and he let it, forgoed the smirk and the sarcasm entirely. “For them, it’s an honor.”

Her own smile faded, and he wondered if he’d made a mistake. If the price of genuity was her laughter and lack of tension in her shoulders, he wasn’t sure he ever wanted to pay it. “When I return — and I will, no matter what my parents tell themselves — who am I going to find?”

He wanted to tell her that he’d be the same person she left behind. That she could dock her ship and they could walk besides one another the way they have before, that nothing had to change if they didn’t want it to. But that wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear. And maybe, despite his own internal protests, that wasn’t the truth, either. 

For as long as Kaz Brekker had been alive, he’d had one singular purpose. Every choice and decision, every move he made, was done in service of that goal, the heist within all the heists. Brick by brick required time and diligence, so much so that it hadn’t left room for an after. It didn’t matter what name he used; the dominance, the relevance, the very existence of Pekka Rollins was never going to survive. Until the dust settled and he was still standing, Kaz didn’t think he would, either. 

But here he stood. And here she stood. The waves crashed against the harbor behind her, each one with a different incentive: the threat of drowning, the promise of infinite possibilities, the rueful fate awaiting any who would seek to control them. The sea dragged out what was left inside the infamous Kaz Brekker as easily as it pulled in the tide. In its wake, a rare type of tranquility remained. He had no plan, no scheme. There was only one thing left to give.

“I’m not sure,” he told her. He prayed she could hear the truth in his words. “But I know that each time you traverse the seas, I’ll be here on the shore. And whenever and wherever you decide to land, I’ll be there. Anything you need — support, supplies, a place to lie your head — you’ll have. What’s mine is yours. It always was. It always will be.”

Inej stared at him. If they were other people, he knew this would be the time for desperate hugs, for clinging to one another in some last ditch effort to fight off the sands of time. But they weren’t other people. They were Kaz and Inej. Products of the Barrel. Broken in all the same places. And he wasn’t sure he could handle holding onto her just to let her go. 

So they watched. Her eyes held the kind of radiance that the poets preached about. The wind pushed her braid back just slightly, as if it was trying to pull her toward the sea. The hilts of her knives glistened in the sun, peeking out only in places where he knew to look. If he was a religious man, he’d tell her she looked like a goddess, a deity escaped from whatever world lay beyond their own. If he followed the faith, he’d tell her that no saint, not even the one blessed with sunlight, could possibly outshine her. If he wasn’t a coward, he’d confess that he had already begun to pray for her, to beg the water to bend to her will, to keep her ship and her mission and her body and soul all in one piece. 

Years of walls crumbled under the weight of her gaze, and he let them with no resistance. He wasn’t sure what she saw when she looked at him, but he hoped she could hear the words he could not say. And the selfish, undeserving part of him wished she’d feel the same. 

The blaring horn from the ship fractured the moment. Neither of them flinched, but he watched her turn back, glance behind her at the vessel waiting to take her home. 

“I should probably go,” she said, but her feet stayed planted, her eyes already back on him. 

Courage came in the form of fear, his desperation to keep her in front of him shoving out words he hadn’t planned on saying. “When you return, who am I going to find?”

“I’m not sure.” She spoke slowly, and he wondered whether admitting it came with the same distress, the same relief, as it did for him. “But no matter what happens, I can promise you that I’ll come back. Not just to Ketterdam, or my ship. I’ll come back to you.”

“Why?” He felt sliced open just asking. No one else had ever had so many chances to destroy him without taking a single one. Part of him wondered when the shoe would drop, when the inevitable would happen and she’d turn her knife against him. How would her face look when she had his life in her hands? How long would it take her to realize he would welcome death with open arms rather than resist her? Kaz could think of no better way to die, no better way to live, than at her mercy. 

“A shadow,” Inej answered with a smile, “can only stray so far before the sun pulls it back where it belongs.”

He shook his head. “I’m the shadow; you’re the one who deserves to walk freely of me.”

She stepped closer, and his breath caught in his chest, sat right above his heart in glorious, agonizing anticipation. “Then every night I’ll pray for shade, so us figments of the dark can disappear together.”

Inej reached up, and it was only then that he noticed the gloves on her hands, thin and sleek, the same color black as his own. Despite the barrier, his heart still fluttered when she brought her hand up to his chin. She stood like that for a minute, her eyes searching for permission, and Kaz didn’t know what she was asking for but the answer would always be yes, yes, yes. 

Leaning toward him, she turned his head slightly, brought her lips to his cheek. They only touched for a second, maybe two, but it was enough to elicit another internal vow. He would find a way to fix as many of his jagged, shattered parts as he could, because the next time she brought her lips to his skin, he wanted to feel euphoria unburdened by anything else.

“I know I’ve said it before,” she whispered, “but thank you. For all of it.”

Whatever words, whatever courage he might have had, evaporated as quickly as it had come. The ship horn blared again but he kept his gaze steady, stole one last look, memorized the moment before it could fade. Inej lingered, as if she was doing the same, before she took a breath and turned around. 

Kaz watched. He watched her board the ship side by side with her parents. He watched her turn back as it began to pull away, the lone traveler facing Ketterdam rather than the endless sea. He watched until the ship disappeared into the horizon, the sight of it swallowed up by the glare of the sun. And even when it was gone, he watched for just a little bit longer, as if his eyes could carry her across the sea and into the safety that only existed in dreams and on a stage.

Turning around still hurt. Part of him longed to stay anchored to the harbor, to wait for her in the very spot she’d left him. But instead, he pulled his watch out of his pocket and began walking toward the Barrel. There was no time for standing around and waiting patiently. Not when he worked for The Wraith. She expected him to scrub their dirty home clean, and despite all his failings, Kaz Brekker refused to disappoint. 

[kindness-ricochets]

Hi! How are you? Sending virtual (physically-distant) hugs❤

As for your winter fics, would really love anything SoC (Kanej please)

Responding with physically distant hugs and some fic for you!

Kanej is very much not my go-to, so I did my best and I hope you like it. (And you can totally let me know if you didn’t. Like if you wanted fluff or something. I can always take another stab at it... just like Kaz would ;) )

Ketterdam harbor never felt like home, but it felt like welcome nonetheless. Her first arrival here had been one of the most terrible days of her life and Inej would never forget it, but while Nina had saved Inej, it had been the men who saved Ketterdam. Over the years, Inej had returned to Ketterdam many times. She had berthed The Wraith in the harbor and strolled along the damp streets like she had nothing to hide. 

She would always have a warm welcome on the Geldstraat—not from most there, but from Jesper and Wylan. Not just a warm welcome, either: she knew there was a soft bed and warm meals waiting for her, enthusiasm and grins and massive hugs from Jesper, quiet love and fretting from Wylan who always wanted to be sure she had all the provisions and thick socks she needed. No matter changed in their lives—Wylan had grown into himself, Jesper returned to school, and together they were the strangers merchant pair Kerch had ever seen—Inej always saw the love between them, and they always had space for her.

Less changed with Kaz. 

Kaz still wore crisp black suits and leaned on his crow’s-head cane, and kept half-legible books in his attic room at the top of the Slat, the real information stored safely in his head. He had worn a beard for a while, though it never suited him. He was severe and his eyes were cold, but he had a half-smile increasingly ready for Inej.

Jesper and Wylan’s house felt like a comfortable, familiar holiday. The Slat, Kaz, that was a homecoming.

Inej meant to pay a visit shortly after arriving, but a member of her crew had hidden deep in the ship’s belly. Someone else could have done it, but each sailor and hand on The Wraith was her responsibility first. After long minutes of shivers and sobs, the girl had entrusted her story to Inej. It was all too familiar. Though Inej and her crew rescued the girl from a ship of a very different sort of pirate, she had first been used and wrung out on the streets of Ketterdam, and the mingling scents of shipyards and harbors broke something inside her. 

Kaz could wait until tomorrow.

Or so Inej thought.

So she thought as she coaxed the girl up from the hold, so she thought as she saw her safely back to the little room she shared with two other girls around her age, both of whom welcomed their friend—one with compassion, one with anger. Some of them were like that. Some of them didn’t know how to hold and just wanted to hurt the people who hurt their own. Inej would counsel mercy in the morning. For tonight, she simply gave her word that she would be here on the ship. No one was coming aboard without her permission.

As she drifted to sleep, Inej thought of her loved ones in Ketterdam. She thought of Kaz literally burning the midnight oil, frowning over his desk. She thought of Jesper and Wylan asleep in each other’s arms. Her thoughts drift farther, to West Ravka, to Mama and Papa and her aunts, uncles, cousins. Somewhere, who knew where, was Nina Zenik and Hanne Brum, hopefully somewhere with pastries and horses.

Inej believed there were many good people in the world. But she only knew for sure that there were a handful.

====

"Captain!"

Inej bolted upright, already scrambling out of her bed. The captain’s cabin came with a berth built like a little compartment, but sleeping there felt too much like sleeping in a coffin. It wasn’t as soft or as big as the bed waiting for her on the Geldstraat, but her shipboard bed wasn’t an enclosed wooden box, either.

"Captain Ghafa!"

Her lantern came to life with a hum, the glow turning bright and steady as Inej went to the door. She slept in a shirt and trousers, ready at a moment’s notice—like this moment. 

When she unlocked her door, Specht strode into the cabin without a word, a half-conscious mess of a man in his arms and a crow's-head cane tucked through his belt like a sword. Kaz's head lolled, dark hair falling in all directions.

"Kaz?" Inej asked. Panic threw off the last shreds of sleep. 

Saints, what happened to him?! 

"Found him this way," Specht said, setting Kaz on her bed. He leaned the cane against the bed. Kaz was bleeding, a dark, wet patch soaking his front. Bleeding, filthy, face swelling—he had been jumped. Inej noted that he was barefoot. 

How did Kaz Brekker get jumped?

Was this calculated or just someone very desperate and very lucky? A calculated hit wouldn’t take his shoes…

"Get Karine," Inej said, but Specht was already on his way.

Alone with him, she brought the lantern closer.

"Kaz?" she asked. "Can you hear me?" Inej was no Healer, but she knew what to do until one arrived--and she understood what Specht brought Kaz here. As Inej sliced open his shirt and waistcoat, she noticed that he needed a shave. That wasn't like him. Kaz usually took immaculate care with his appearance. And he had been jumped! Instinct told her to pray over him, just quickly, just for a moment in her heart… she did it as she peeled the clothing away. Good, the wound was clear. He groaned.

"It's me," Inej said. The years had softened Kaz towards Inej, but not toward the world. Being touched by an unseen, unknown hand would be too much for him. "You're going to be fine, Kaz," she promised as she wrapped up a handkerchief and pressed it to his wound. 

His eyes snapped open, mouth set in a snarl.

"It's okay."

"Gonna… kill those… bastards," he gritted out.

That was her Kaz. His dark eyes settled on her. "Inej." "You're on The Wraith," she told him. "Specht found you. He's getting our Healer." Kaz's hand reached vaguely toward Inej. She took it and held onto him with one hand, the other keeping pressure on his wound until a half-sleepy Karine arrived from her little room beside the ship's infirmary. Inej understood why Specht hadn't taken Kaz to the infirmary. It was the same reason he had been sure to bring the cane: Kaz valued his dignity more than his life. "Captain Ghafa?" "I need this man stable. The bruises are fine." She could only assume Kaz would want to keep them. Karine nodded. When they first brought her on board, the first thing the Fjerdan girl had done was hack off her long, golden braids. She wore her hair short now and a little wild in a way that contrasted with her round face and wide eyes, but suited her all the same. After less than a year aboard The Wraith, Karine was already confident, sure, and steady. Inej was proud of her. She hovered a hand over Kaz's injury. Because she'd received no formal training, Karine didn't move like a Healer from the Little Palace might, instead moving her fingers in an almost casual half-dancing motion. Kaz's brow furrowed at the pain of healing. The affectation that it was nothing but an inconvenience might have fooled Karine and even Specht, but Inej felt Kaz's fingers tighten around hers as the bleeding slowed, then stopped completely. 

The Healer checked Kaz for any internal injuries and fixed those she found before they could become a larger problem. Only then did Karine leave her captain and the captain's mysterious friend. With a nod, Specht too gave them their privacy. Inej hated seeing Kaz this way as much as she knew Kaz hated being seen this way, laid out and vulnerable. "Karine won't say a word," she said. He already knew he could trust Specht. Kaz nodded grimly. "I'm going to clean you up." It wasn't a command. It was a chance for him to refuse the offer. When he didn't, Inej grabbed a bottle of water and a shirt. Mercher black was severe and suggested austerity. Pirate black hid blood and any other stain. Many wicked men's blood had tried to mar this shirt. What was one more? As she wiped away the blood from his chest, Kaz reached for a wooden pendant pinned to the wall just above the bed and twisted it between his fingers to get a better look. "Sankta Marya of the Rock," he observed. "The patron of those far from home." "It was a gift." Inej didn't know what, exactly, Wylan had said, only that Marya Hendriks got the idea somewhere that Inej had protected her son. She hadn't, but Wylan gave her that wide-eyed pleading look and Inej let Marya believe it, and Marya welcomed Inej like a distant cousin--a stranger, but family all the same. Now here was her patron. Inej supposed it was fitting; Sankta Marya had protected both of them just as much as Sankta Margarethe, the patron of thieves and lost children. If Kaz had a patron at all, Inej thought, it was Sankta Margarethe. "What happened?" she asked. "If I'm going to have an army of Ketterdam gangsters gathering on my dock, I'd like to know in advance." "I was stupid," Kaz replied, "and I paid for it." "I can see that, but were you very stupid? Was it an on-going stupidity? Or was it a brief lapse in judgment?" He sighed. "No one should be coming." Inej nodded. The Wraith always had a watch posted and this was no exception. Someone might come but no one would surprise them. She finished wiping away the blood and helped Kaz into another of her shirts. It was loose and easy to move in, not tailored as he preferred, but it would keep him warm and covered for the night. Then Inej took the other side of the bed, leaving space between them so there would be no accidental touching when they stirred in their sleep. As she listened in the dark to his steady breathing, Inej's mind drifted again to Jesper and Wylan. They shared a degree of physical comfort that fascinated her. Who would she be, without the Menagerie to shape her? She doubted she would be like Wylan. His touch was too quiet. Inej had seen Kaz bent over his work like Jesper after returning to university, and even without the Menagerie, Inej couldn't see herself going to her lover with a cup of coffee and a gentle hand on his shoulder. Jesper, though--she would not have been so boisterous as Jesper, who was constantly stating his love in every motion, whether that meant a surprise hug or literally sweeping Wylan off his feet. Inej did not know what touch would have been for the girl she was all those years ago on the shores of West Ravka. If that girl had grown in Inej's place, would she have a Suli boy now? An acrobat? A dancer? Would he hold her at night? She would certainly not have a thief lord. Maybe she would have been comfortable with his touch, trusted him with her body like Jesper and Wylan did. Tonight, she trusted Kaz with her because she trusted him to keep a respectful distance. === Inej checked in with her crew the following morning and aided in a thorough inspection of the ship. Any problems were best identified now and dealt with before they set sail again. Some of her crew were off-ship--she always kept enough hands available in case of emergency, but many chose to stay aboard, anyway. There were bad memories in Ketterdam. Inej understood. She found a seat on deck, her legs dangling over the water. It was a quiet day and she had quiet work to see to, and sitting here, she caught a hint of a breeze sometimes, the smell of the sea instead of the odors of industry. Inej carried a spare pair of trousers with her, a needle and thread, a patch for a nearly-threadbare knee and a quick seam for a tear. There was something to be said for the simple work of maintenance, sometimes. She didn't know how long she had been working when she heard footsteps approach, accompanied by the tap of a cane. Kaz sat beside her. "I'll wash your shirt," he offered. "And your sheets." He had bled some on those, too. "I'll send you a bill for the laundry," she replied. "Do you know who it was?" "Yes and no. I know who leaked information, and I'll solve that problem tonight. Just didn't expect it right then." Of course. His shoes. Inej looked at Kaz's bare feet dangling beside her own. She preferred to go barefoot, when she could. He had been forced into it. Despite the circumstances they could almost look like young lovers on a lakeside picnic, their naked toes dancing just above the water. Except that he was barefoot because he had whispered a rumor about his shoes. She wondered who he had told, and what. That they were lucky? That he kept his secret plans hidden beneath the soles? A whisper drew her attention. Some of her crew had noticed their captain sitting side by side with a man who had come out of her cabin wearing her shirt. Some of her crew had noticed that Captain Ghafa had taken herself a man. Let them gossip. It wasn't that far off the mark. Kaz continued, "I was lucky you were in the neighborhood." Lucky. The years had softened Ketterdam to her memory and they had softened Kaz to her, but they had not softened his armor. It had an Inej-shaped hole, that was all. And sometimes he forgot he was wearing it. She knew, anyway. The wind tugged at her hair just like a smile tugged at the corner of her lips. He hadn't been lucky. He heard The Wraith made berth in Ketterdam's harbor, and he had come to see her. "I missed you, too."

[stressedoutteenager]

after rereading SoC and CK I couldn’t stop thinking about these characters, so I tried my hand at writing an extension to the last scene with Kaz and Inej. 

Meeting the parents 

AO3 link 

“Is my tie straight?”, he had asked before Inej ran towards her parents.

Mama and Papa Ghafa met her halfway and embraced her in a big hug. Kaz followed slowly. He wanted to give them their privacy, wanted them to reunite on their own first. But Inej had asked him to come with her, so he did. Of course, he did. He would be lying to himself if he told himself that he wouldn’t do anything she asked of him. Especially not after he heard her laugh like that and not after he saw her eyes light up as soon as she realized who is coming down the ship. Slowly, very slowly, he approached them. The sight in front of him ignited a warm feeling in his chest that has only been reserved for Inej alone lately. The sight of a family reunite like this brought faint memories back - memories of his father on his farm, working day and night, always a lazy smile on his face - memories of his mother hugging her boys as soon as they came into the house, showering them with kisses and hugs every chance she got. Until neither of them was there anymore.

He approached the family slowly and stood aside, hands on the crow’s head that is so very familiar to his touch. Even with the missing layer of his leather gloves. But he wouldn’t pull them on, not now. He waited, the ship’s crew walking back and forth, unloading cargo. Would’ve been a shame to bring the ship here without filling the space it offered, he couldn’t blame Sturmhond.

His eyes wandered over the reuniting family again, he felt like he was intruding on a private moment. Usually, he didn’t care. But this is Inej, Inej and her family that left a gaping hole in her heart when she was ripped away from them. Kaz tried to ignore that thought, gripping his cane harder and trying to relax.

“Kaz.”, he heard his name being said and drew his attention back to Inej. Not that he ever took it completely off her. “Come meet my parents.”, she nodded towards her parents.

Kaz subtly straightened his shoulders, didn’t lean on his cane as much as he would have to after the events of the past days and weeks. “Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Ghafa.”, he said, looking at each of them with a polite smile, “It’s nice to meet you.”

Inej watched as Kaz’s demeanor changed from the ever so proud upward jut of his chin, the cold look in his eyes and the hard set of his jaw, to the same straight posture but a much more approachable look on his face with a small polite smile. The tone of his voice wasn’t as ruthless and cutting like when he talked to pretty much every single person he encountered. And when he reached out to shake her father’s hand, Inej drew in a slow breath. He reached out before her father even had a chance to. Her eyes were glued to his hand for a moment and when her father took Kaz’s hand, her gaze found its way to Kaz’s face. He looked fine. He has always been a good actor - with a strong poker face - and she couldn’t tell if he was really fine or if he was struggling.

“Mama, Papa.”, Inej interjected, “This is Kaz Brekker.”

Her parents nodded and now Kaz was shaking her mother’s hand. Then, finally, he came to stand right next to her. She couldn’t believe any of this was happening. Her parents were standing in front of her. Two faces that had only graced her in her dreams for too long. Kaz had found them, had brought them here. The look on her parents’ face clearly showed that they were as overwhelmed as she was herself. And Kaz, he stood there, next to her. One hand clenched over the crow’s head of his cane, the other clench at his side. He tried to breathe calmly, she could tell. He stood, not saying a word, waiting to be addressed. This was a new side to him she had never seen before. He was always reserved, always kept to himself but this was different.

“And Kaz Brekker is…?”, her mother asked and broke the silence between them.

“Inej and I work together.”, he answered and smiled at her mother charmingly. Oh, Saints. That smile distracted her almost so much that she forgot to correct him. But she caught herself, she was an acrobat at heart after all.

She shook her head: “I actually work for Kaz. He employed me after…”, oh. Her breath caught in her throat. Inej knew that she had to talk to her parents about what happened to her and what she did in Ketterdam all this time. In the euphoria of seeing their familiar faces again and letting herself be held by her parents, she forgot everything around her. So far, they all just held each other and were happy to see each other, without thinking of what happened and how they ended up in this situation. The sadness interlaced with guilt like the strands of her hair in the braid down her back, overcame her. She took a big breath in and thought she should tell them now, get it over with. If she believed that her Saints could forgive her, her parents could too, couldn’t they.

“Ketterdam throws one challenge after another at anyone new that arrives at these ports.”, Kaz said, as Inej opened her mouth to tell her parents. “Your daughter was so resilient and you should be proud of her.”

Inej looked up at him and couldn’t believe her ears. His words coupled with the determined, yet soft, tone of his voice caught her off-guard. And when her father raised his eyebrows at Kaz and Kaz looked down a little, respectfully, Inej felt like laughing. She had only ever seen Kaz look like this when he was acting for Per Haskell or any merchant that he manipulated for his own gain. But this was different. Inej didn’t see the mischievous gleam in his eyes, he seemed sincere.  

“I am so happy to see my daughter again. Inej, we didn’t know what happened to you and if you were okay and we prayed to the Saints every day and night. And now that we’re here, we really want to know what happened.”, her father said and her mother let herself fall against her father, who wrapped his arm around her. He rubbed his hand up and down her arm, held her in place. It reminded her of the way Kaz held her just minutes ago when she could barely stand at the thought of seeing her parents soon. Remembering his bare fingers on her sleeves drew blood to her cheeks, even at a moment like this - afraid of what her parents would think of her past in Kerch. But if she believed that her Saints could forgive her, her parents could to, couldn’t they?

“Mr. and Mrs. Ghafa.”, Kaz said again. “I’m sorry to intrude, I don’t want to get between you and your daughter reuniting but if you agree, I would suggest to escort you to a safer place than the this harbor, with a good meal in front of you.”, again he looked at them like their opinion mattered. Inej shook her head to herself.

“I think that would be nice, Mr. Brekker.”, Inej’s mother said. Her voice as soft but strong as ever. Inej wanted to cry at the sound of her voice, remembering her mother singing to her, braiding Inej’s hair while telling her of her first days of being married to her husband, reconciling small arguments between Inej and the other kids.

Kaz smiled: “Please call me Kaz.”, then he adds, “If it is alright with you, I would like to bring you to our friend’s house. It is a little way from here but the quietest place I can offer right now.”

Inej’s parents agreed and they set off. Inej just looked at him questioningly to which he answered: “Wylan’s.”

With that he let Inej lead her parents. Kaz walked behind the three of them. Inej was in the middle, one arm hooked into her father’s, one hand in her mother’s. He heard her tell them the names of buildings, heard her explain different customs compared to Suli and Ravkan ways. He wasn’t secure in the language Inej’s family used; he had memorized some sayings and individual words she had used around him more than once, but that was it.

All the way to their destination Kaz trailed behind them, making sure they are not being followed and that they are safe.

Only when they arrived at Wylan’s house, Kaz passed the family and knocked on the door. A servant opened the door and Kaz said he sent a message to Wylan and knows that they are expected. They were let into the house and Kaz told Inej to take her parents’ to the living room and went to the kitchen to find Wylan. He quickly told him he needed the living room for Inej and her parents and he could see the questions in Wylan’s eyes but the curly haired boy knew better than to ask now. So he just nodded and said whatever they needed, they could take or ask for.

“Let a warm meal be prepared. They just docked after a long journey.”, Kaz just said.

“Of course. On it. Jesper is out right now but I’ll let him know to not intrude when he gets back.”, Wylan said but Kaz just nodded shortly. “And if she’ll let me, I’d love to meet them.”, Wylan said, before Kaz could turn away. Again, Kaz nodded. It’s not his decision to make.

He joined the family in the living room and announced: “There’s a meal being prepared for you. If you are in need of anything else, please let me know and I’ll arrange it.”, then he looks from Inej to her parents and addresses them calmly: “ Please do not worry about lodging tonight or for however long you choose to stay in Kerch, let me know what you’d prefer and I’ll see to it.”

“Thank you, we really appreciate it. You are such a polite, helpful young man.”, Inej’s father said and Inej almost laughed out loud. She raised her eyebrows and looked at Kaz, who met her gaze and she could swear that she saw him blush. Kaz, the bastard of the barrel, blushing at a compliment from her father. Kaz shook his head at her slightly, then turned to her parents.

“It’s nothing, really.”, he answered.

Then he lowered his gaze slightly and turned to leave them to talk.

Inej was in awe. Not only because he made true what seemed like impossibility for years, he had brought her parents to her. But because this version of him, as different as it is to his usual self that he presents, didn’t seem completely acted. Inej couldn’t stop a smile forming on her lips. This was the version of Kaz that would be his usual self, if he hadn’t grown up in Ketterdam. If Kaz wasn’t dragged into, no - if he had not thrown himself into the Barrel and grew up with his parents on their farm with better idols than the ruthless barrel bosses, he could be this way. He had found his way, where he is might be where he had to end up but he was young, things could changed. Even if they didn’t, Kaz could look after himself, and he looked after his friends, too. Even if he didn’t show it openly.

“Kaz.”, she spoke up, which made him turn around. “Thank you.”

[cameliawrites]

1,4, 18

(answering this ask post)

Hi friend!!

1: What is the first fandom you were ever a part of?

Hmmm, this is kind of hard to answer, because, like, what is a fandom? What is being part of a fandom? Six of Crows is the only fandom I've ever written fanfiction for, but I was a childhood nerd so I read all the popular fantasy books - Lord of the Rings, Percy Jackson, HP, Twilight, etc. - and started reading fanfiction in middle school, probably? I've also been a lifelong Star Wars fan, because my parents had the original trilogy on DVD and we had one of those shitty little car-DVD players in my mom's minivan, so my sibling and I would watch them on road trips. :)

4: Pairing that makes no sense to you?

I mean, I feel like it might be too easy an answer, but Darklina, lol. No comment necessary, I think.

18: All-time favorite fanfic?

THIS IS SO HARD. THIS IS SO SO HARD.

Okay, I have to at least list a few of them - gosh this is so much pressure - um - (obviously these are all kanej lol):

to be lost and found (and lost and found again) by halfahint, which is a Vietnam War AU and is so obscenely good???? I sobbed at the ending the first time I read it because it made me feel just as moved as the end of Crooked Kingdom makes me feel, which is a very very high bar to cross.

all in good time by terribletruths, which is post-ROW and just feels like canonical kanej to me. The humor and the tenderness and the hope are all there. I always return to this one. Always always always.

the air you breathe by alltheworldsinmyhead, because kanej daughter is just something that can be so personal... Something about the simple, sweet nostalgia and melancholy in this fic just speaks to me. I could live in this scene forever.

ebb and flood by arbitrarily. This fic is poetry. P O E T R Y.

Between the Lightning-Bug and the Lightning by oneofthewednesdays, because I love Kaz interacting with Mama & Papa Ghafa so much. This whole series is so good - every single fic in it is top-tier.

Homeland by unfortunate17, which is THE "kanej go back to Lij" fic for me. This is THE ONE. I love revisiting this fic.

My Dearest Inej by A_nonnie_mouse. This is my comfort fic. Shh. Don't tell the others. It's just for me. It's my special treat when I need a pick-me-up.

The Last Songbird by Frick6101719, which is an AU where Jordie lives and Kaz works for the Dime Lions and Inej continues to work in the Menagerie. It's dark and harsh and moody and gut-wrenching, yet, at times, light and humorous and hopeful...it makes me FEEL THINGS. I devoured every single chapter as it was posted, and I absolutely couldn't put it down.

The Strangeness of Home by insignificant457, which is THE "Inej returns to the Suli caravan" fic for me. The sequel fic might be even better...I love it so much. I love Inej so much as a character, and this fic does her justice.

I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm by sarathedreamer, because the emotional hurt/comfort is !!!!!!!! And I can't lie, I love a "huddling for warmth" trope fic. It just hits different.

don't let it burn, don't let it fade by apropensityforcharm, which is THE kanej sickfic for me. The ending is just such great emotional payoff. Kaz is down so bad for Inej and I eat it up.

Okay, I have to admit that I am SUPER impressed with myself for keeping this list as short as I did. Which sounds insane. But. There we are.

[searchforthescars]

YO OKAY

SO I finally got myself together and wrote the SoC next-gen AU that I’ve been talking about. Yaay! 

Special thanks to @savagekaz , @henrymarsette , @dirtyhandsnet and everyone else who was passionately encouraging me to write this thing. It makes me really happy and I hope you like this. <3

If you want to see photosets or other extra content, click here.

Six years after the events of Crooked Kingdom...

As Kaz Brekker stared out the fourth-floor window, he twirled the slim gold band around his ungloved finger, trying not to imagine it where it should be: on the slim dark finger of a girl who was most likely dead and gone.

He heard her voice in his head, a painful but welcome reminder. “Don't be so dramatic, Kaz,” she'd say with that endearing eyeroll he had come to love.

“Then come home,” he'd say to her now.

He looked out his office window, moving until he could see Fifth Harbor, his eyes lingering on The Wraith 's berth.  Through the dark night and pouring rain, he couldn’t see much, but it was the thought that counted.  That berth had been empty for three years, her captain and crew lost somewhere between Novyi Zem and Ketterdam.  Kaz had tried to bring her home, had deployed his every resource, even asked Nikolai for help at great (and often irritating) expense, but the ship had vanished.

And with it had been the girl he wanted to marry. [Read on Ao3]

He tucked the ring into its box and snapped the box closed, hiding it in the false bottom of his desk drawer.  There was a sudden commotion downstairs, loud shouts that signaled a brawl or a heist.  Either way, he wasn't about to let his people get into any dirty business that he didn't have his hands in.

When he reached the first landing, he realized it was rapping at the door that was causing such a disturbance.  He strode for the door, ignoring the apprehensive looks of his people.  No one dared knock on the door of the Slat without a good reason, a reason that only Kaz Brekker needed to attend to.

He recognized the two boys on the doorstep - they were part of Inej’s crew, recruited after a raid done right on the edge of the Barrel.  His heart made a sickening leap in his chest.

“What business?” To his own ears, his voice was hoarse and harsh.

The taller one shifted a bundle in his arms.  Kaz didn’t invite them in out of the rain, merely regarded them with a cool stare.  “We came from The Wraith.   We have a message from Inej Ghafa.”

Kaz turned to the sitting room.  “Everyone out!”  No one argued but there were plenty of curious whispering, lingering stares that Kaz knew he would have to quell eventually.

He turned to them, inviting them in by posture though not by word.  “What is the message?”

The taller boy shifted the blankets in his arms, handing Kaz a worn scrap of paper.  Kaz forced his hands not to tremble as he squinted through the fading ink.

Kaz,

I hope this reaches you.  I haven’t much time and I know that most of what I could say will leave you with questions. The Wraith was boarded, its markings and flags stripped, and my crew and I were taken hostage.  It has taken us three years to plan even this small of an escape. If I run, my remaining crew will only suffer further.  I refuse to let that happen.

This little girl’s name is Jordan.  She is our daughter but I don’t expect you to care for her.  A good mother always and only wants her her child to be safe.  That’s why I sent her to you.  Please find her somewhere safe, someone who will raise her and care for her.  For me.

I can hear you laughing now. Yes, Ketterdam is not a safe place for a child.  But you can make a world for her that is.  I know because you did it for me.  So stop grumbling, Kaz.

I will find a way home to you. I’m sorry.  I miss you.

I love you.

-Inej

He took a deep breath, tucked the letter into his breast pocket and reached for the bundle in the boy’s arms.  “Careful, she’s asleep,” he murmured but his caution went unheeded to Kaz’s ears.

She looked like her mother, Kaz realized with a clench of his heart, though she had a very Kerch jaw.  She stirred, blinked sleepily and regarded him with bleary coffee-brown eyes.  “Where’s Mama?” she asked, her voice small.

Kaz couldn’t look away.  With a look, he dismissed Inej’s men, knowing he should let them stay, unable to bear the thought.  “Your mother… she’s not here.  She sent you to me so I could keep you safe.”

A little frown creased her brow.  “Are you my papa?”

Kaz held her a little tighter, pressing her head to his shoulder.  “I’m your papa, Jordan.”  The name was unfamiliar on his tongue.  He could have kissed or killed Inej for choosing it for their daughter.  “You’re safe now.”

She made a small noise and fell silent, nuzzling into his neck.  Kaz sighed, wondering what is was about this girl that made him want to burn down the world for her.

He really was horrible at caring for children.  He should ask Jesper for pointers.

“Get down!”

The bullet whizzed straight past Jordan’s ear just before she ducked.  The man in front of her fell as she turned to glare over her shoulder.  “You could have shot me!”

Alexander holstered his revolvers, a broad grin splitting his face.  Jordan tucked her knife into the sheath on her arm. “You okay, Vickie?” she asked, gingerly touching the cut on her cheek.  Alexander’s frown was one of concern.  She shrugged.   I’m okay.

“Don't call me Vickie,” Victoria grumbled, casually checking Alexander for injuries.

“I'm fine, Tori,” he murmured, batting her hand away when her fingers danced over a burn on his shirt. “It was me, not them.”

“As long as you're not spontaneously combusting, I'm happy,” Jordan quipped, checking the window. “Can you both climb?  We need to go before anyone-” Jordan sprang back as the windowpane shattered. “Damn!”

“You were saying?” Victoria snarked.  Jordan rolled her eyes. Alexander positioned himself protectively between Victoria and the only other exit in the room. Jordan reached for her knife again and Victoria made a grab for her pistol.

When the door banged open, both of the Fahey-Van Eck children almost shot their father.

“What the hell?” Jesper Fahey put his hands in the air until his children put their weapons down.  Jordan took a split second to appreciate the fury spreading over Victoria’s face.  “What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here, Da?” Alexander holstered his revolvers for the second time.  Jordan sheathed her knife with an exasperated sigh, fighting a smile when she saw that Victoria practically had steam coming from her ears.

“I could ask you the same question.  This is a pleasure house.”

“It was,” Jordan shrugged, planting her hands on her hips.  “I convinced them to… relocate.”

“Spoken like a Barrel boss.”

Jordan bit her lip, scanning the room.  Alexander and Victoria shared an ‘uh-oh’ look between the two of them.  “Did you break the window?” She asked Jesper.

“Scheming face?” She heard Alexander whisper to his sister.

“Most likely,” she whispered back, poking him in the side to shush him.

“No.” Jesper’s response came out more of a question. Before Jordan could continue her line of thought, measuring the room’s dimensions and trying to envision what could have broken the window, rapid gunfire sounded from the back of the house.

“Run now, think later,” Alexander said, shoving Jordan in the back until she broke into a run, following Jesper and Victoria down the stairs.

They made it to the streets, narrowly skirting heavy gunfire, their feet loud on the streets.  Jordan had to smile when she saw Jesper grinning, presumably thinking of his glory days.

“That was something,” she breathed, watching her breath float away on the cold wind.  She cataloged their successes.  Twenty-some girls were freed and, while Alexander had given chase to the man who owned the pleasure house, Victoria had uncovered very interesting financial documents that would surely cause the man’s ruin at the Exchange.

Alexander appeared at her side, materializing from the shadows, his blue eyes and dark skin glowing in the lights of the street lamp. “We did good.”

Jordan saw Victoria showing Jesper the papers she retrieved from the pleasure house’s office.  “Yeah,” she agreed.  “Not bad.”

They made it to Victoria’s favorite waffle house, a rickety building crammed between two houses.  Jordan and Alexander shared a plate of chocolate-chip waffles while Jesper and Victoria ordered heaping plates of their own.

Victoria was lean and pale, all sharp angles and messy reddish-brown hair.  When she smiled, the world seemed to light up.  Jordan watched heads turn across the restaurant when she laughed.  Alexander’s eyes crinkled around the edges, fondness playing at his features.  As polar as they were to one another, there was real unreplicatable love between them.

Next to them both, Jordan felt plain and inadequate.  Distasteful people described her as exotic, with her brown Suli skin and matching eyes, but she preferred the anonymity that her father’s looks provided.  She was often jealous of Victoria and Wylan.  No one ever stared at them when they walked down the street.

Alexander shoved the whipped cream onto Jordan’s side of the waffles.  “She likes it,” he said to his father’s raised eyebrow.

“And you don’t?” Jesper pretended to be dramatically wounded.  “Whose son are you?”  Alexander laughed under his breath while Victoria rolled her eyes. “Good to see you’re not at that point yet where you’re embarrassed by your father’s behavior.”

Jordan could never tell if he was kidding.  She wasn’t great with this sort of thing.

She took a bite of her waffles, letting the whipped cream melt on her tongue.  The cut on her cheek stung when she chewed.  Alexander touched it hesitantly with the back of his hand.  His skin was cool.  “You should clean that out.”

She shrugged.  “First food.  Then sleep.”

Alexander’s hand dropped from her cheek.  His fingers tangled in a strand of her hair.  She tried not to shiver.  “Food, personal care, sleep.  In that order.”

Jesper was too busy reading over Victoria’s stolen document to pay them much mind but Victoria’s clever grey eyes were tracking her brother’s every move.  “Not a word,” Alexander said lowly to Victoria, referencing some secret to which Jordan wasn’t privy.  She didn’t mind - siblings needed their secrets.

She had secrets of her own, most notably the birth certificate she had found in her father’s office this morning. She had wanted to tell Alexander about it but with him had come Victoria and she was hesitant to let the younger Fahey-Van Eck in on such a potentially volatile secret.  Besides, this had been Victoria’s first job with them and Jordan didn’t want to rattle her.

The birth certificate was hers, but not.  It carried a different last name but the birth date was hers. Jordan Ghafa. It was so familiar but she needed Alexander’s clever mind to make sure she wasn’t insane.

When the plates were cleared, they walked home in the pitch black.  Victoria and Alexander wandered ahead; Victoria was talking gleefully about the Exchange and Alexander was listening intently. Jordan jammed her hands in her pockets, feeling the handle of the knife on her belt through her coat’s lining.

“You did good work tonight,” Jesper said, coming up behind her.  “Your mother would be proud.”

Jordan’s head snapped toward him.  “My mother?”

Jesper’s face morphed from concerned to guilty.  “Kaz never told you, did he?  Sweet Ghezen .”

“Told me what?” Jordan’s voice sounded uncharacteristically tight to her own ears.

“He never told you about your mother?” Now Jesper wore the face of a man who now knows he shouldn’t have said anything.

“No. Nothing.” She felt her eyes hardening.  If Victoria were beside her, she would be telling Jordan to shut up.

They were walking through Fifth Harbor now.  The cry of gulls and the lapping of waves against the boat hulls soothed her nerves.  Jesper was scanning the streets as if seeking an answer to Jordan’s questions.  Jordan counted the berths, once, twice and then again.

“Hey!” Jordan exclaimed.  Ahead of them, Alexander ground to a halt, dragging Victoria with him.  “There’s a ship in berth 22.  In The Wraith’s spot.”

“So?” Victoria’s pale brow was drawn.  Two bells sounded above them.  Kaz would be furious with her for being home late but Jesper’s eyes - wider than dinner plates - and Alexander’s slack jaw convinced her feet to stay.

“There isn’t supposed to be a ship in berth 22,” Jesper murmured.  He turned abruptly to his children, all joviality out of his tone. “You two, get home.  Tell your father I’ve gone to the Crow Club.  Jordan, go home.”

Alexander gave Jordan a worried look as his father sprinted toward the Dregs-owned gambling hall.  “What the…?”

Jordan shrugged, worry gnawing at her heart. Something is about to happen.   “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Victoria gave her a hug.  “See you, Jordan.”

“You were great,” she told her younger friend.  The Fahey-Van Ecks set off for home but Jordan remained, pacing the planks of the harbor while staring at the offending ship.

Screw this, she thought.  I’m not going to wait for them to find out what’s going on.  I’m Jordan Brekker.  I get my own answers.

Running her hand over the knife sheathed on her forearm, she approached the ship.  It was small and stripped bare of any adornments or recognizable marks and there was no sign of life onboard.  She reasoned that the crew had gone out for the night, off to gambling dens or pubs or who knows where.  But that rationale wasn’t enough to sate her curiosity.

She swung aboard the ship, the lack of gangplank little to deter her.  The planks creaked under her feet as she made her way belowdecks to where the captain’s quarters would most likely be.  The door hung ajar, a small light flickering in the shadows.  Knife at the ready, she peeked around the corner.

A woman, slight and small with large brown eyes, blinked back at her, seemingly unsurprised by her arrival.  Jordan stepped fully into the doorway, keeping her face in shadows, stifling a sigh of resignation.  “Who are you?” The woman asked in accented Kerch.

“Who are you?” Jordan countered, sweeping the room for any sign of danger.  “You aren’t to be docked in this berth.”

The barest of smiles tugged at her lips.  “But I am.  This is my berth.”

“This…” Jordan looked around the room as if to find some clue contrary to her assumption.  “This is The Wraith ?”

The woman shifted on the bed, another small smile flickering at the edge of her mouth.  “It was.  But you still haven’t answered my question.”

Jordan slipped from the shadows.  The woman’s eyes went wide, darting to take in all of Jordan, her fitted black clothes, her choppy black hair, the knife on her belt.  “Jordan?” Her voice was a tiny whisper, a trembling thing.

“How… How did you know?” Jordan felt the ship rock under her feet.  Everything was moving too fast.  She wanted Alexander so she could grab at his wrist, feel his solid presence.

“He didn’t tell you?  About me?” Hurt flashed across the woman’s face as she stood.  She was a couple inches shorter than Jordan but as thin as a sheaf of Victoria’s drawing paper.  It was painfully obvious that she hadn’t eaten well in a long time.  But shouldn’t a ship’s captain have enough to eat?

“Who didn’t- What?” How she hated to stutter.  She tried to put herself together but it was an uneasy thing when there were more questions than answers.

“Kaz Brekker.”  She said the name like it was a prayer.

Jordan nodded.  “My papa.  What about him?”

“He didn’t tell you about me?  About the Wraith?”

She nodded.  “He did, all the time.  Inej Ghafa, former Menagerie girl, spider, and captain of the eponymous ship.”  Victoria would be proud of her vocabulary.  “She was a Dregs legend, the best one.”  Jordan felt a piece of a puzzle click into place.  She remembered the document she had found in her father’s safe. Saints, no.

The woman extended a hand as if to shake Jordan’s.  “My name is Inej Ghafa.  But you can call me the Wraith if you’d rather.”

Running footsteps from above decks told Jordan that they were no longer alone.  “Stay back,” she told Inej, silently closing the door and leaning her full weight against it.  After a moment, she heard familiar voices and flung it open, effectively startling the twelve-year-old messenger employed by the Dregs.  “What business?”

“Kaz sent me to find out who was in the berth,” he stuttered, voice full of unease.  Jordan would have expressed sympathy at any given time but she wanted nothing more than answers and to be off this ship.  

“Tell him…” Inej’s voice was trembling but her gaze was sure.  “Tell him that the Wraith is home.  He’ll come.”

The boy nodded, sprinting back the way he came.  Jordan turned to Inej again, her back against the door, her spine colliding with the handle.  “How did you know my name.”

“Jordan Rietveld saved his brother’s life in death,” Inej murmured, studying her hands.  “I chose that name because I had hoped you would be the one to carry others to the shore.”

Jordan’s world tilted on its axis.  Memories surfaced, little snippets of glossy hair clenched in her fists, a term of endearment in Suli, a bedtime story in Ravkan.  It was her voice.

It couldn’t be.

“Who the hell is Jordan Rietveld?”

Inej did not reply.

She lost track of how long they stood there and stared at one another but the familiar sound of cane-and-foot broke Jordan out of her thoughts.  “Papa!” She shouted up the stairs.  “Down here!”

She was surprised to hear her father breathless.  “Inej?” His voice was hopeful, burning as it left his mouth and something that Jordan could almost consider to be humble.

She took two tentative steps toward the door, toward Kaz, and reached out with one hand.  Jordan watched in awe as he took it, twining their fingers together and touching his lips to her forehead.  “Inej,” he whispered and there was no pain in his voice.  Jordan felt like a stranger, an intruder.  Again, she missed Alexander’s steady presence.

“Hello, love.” The smile crossing her face was so bright it was blinding.  Jordan slipped from the room, leaving them to their moment, her throat tight and her stomach clenching.

Who are you? She wanted to ask the woman in her father’s arms.   Are you my mother?  Why did you leave me.  Why did you come back?

She backed out of the room, sprinting above decks, letting her feet carry her to the Van Eck estate.  She didn’t care how late it was.  She needed her best friend.

[cameliawrites]

kanej fic masterlist

Minor Miracles (2k words, rating: T) - Inej tells Kaz stories from the True Sea; Kaz ponders other miracles--namely, the girl beside him.

see it in your face, i’m relief (2k words, rating: T) -  A moment in the Van Eck garden for Kaz to fall even farther in love with Inej.

secretly, between the shadow and the soul (4k words, rating: T) - In which Inej’s parents are all-too-eager to make Kaz into their son-in-law. Truthfully, he doesn’t much mind.

love is not love which alters when it alteration finds (4k words, rating: T) - Kaz and Inej, celebrating a marriage anniversary.

in hope, yours (4.5k words, rating: T) - Belgium, 1923. Inej and Kaz Rietveld adjust to a changing world and, perhaps, learn to grow something new. Inspired by Whitherward’s brilliant WWI AU, “save the undone years.”

In the Wild Soft Summer Darkness (5k words, rating: T) - As the summer heat scorches in Ketterdam, Kaz and Inej take to Kaz’s childhood home in the countryside. Of course, each of them seems to have a separate scheme afoot; whether to savor the season’s sweetness, or to let it slip away.

let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments (5k words, rating: T) -  In which Kaz & Inej negotiate the particularities of a marriage contract—for the tax benefits, of course, but also for the sake of their undying devotion to one another.

and there’s a drawer of my things at your place (6k words, rating: T) -  5 times Inej learns something about Kaz’s living habits + 1 time he learns something about hers.

(and you know that I'd) swing with you for the fences, sit with you in the trenches (6k words, rating: T) - After a week of sleepless nights at sea, Inej returns to Kaz in Ketterdam, but old wounds are hard to heal.

softly sleeping, here in the deep end of someone who loves me (6k words, rating: T) -  5 times Inej sneaks into Kaz’s bed + 1 time she doesn’t.

let me come home (to you) (6k words, rating: T) - Collaboration fic with @alltheworldsinmyhead. Sometimes, the time for hard conversations comes in the middle of the night.

To Give, Then to Receive (6k words, rating: T) -  Three gifts given by Kaz, and one received.

someone to watch over me (7k words,  rating: T) - In which Inej catches one too many eyes while seeking information at a mercher’s soirée, and Kaz can’t help but cut in before the last dance.

Sea Change (16k words, rating: T) - In the months following her departure on the Wraith, Inej comes to learn that the sea is as restless as her own heart. Oceans away in Ketterdam, Kaz cannot help but follow her lead. A story in four parts.

Sea Glass (rating: T, ongoing fic anthology) -  A collection of fics and fragments, short and sweet, centered on Kaz & Inej post-Crooked Kingdom.

the heart heeds helplessly (1k words, rating: M) - In which Inej discovers the romance of poetry and religion, not just in the soul, but in the body as well.

Lingers Sweetly on the Lips (3k words, rating: M) -  A quiet, intimate night in between Kaz and Inej, whatever names they choose to take.

collision course (10k words, rating: M) - Inej adjusts to Kaz the way that winter adjusts to spring: she thaws, and thaws, and thaws—and then she utterly melts. (Bonus drabble: sea to the shore, 375 words, rating: T)

what a mother wants (10k words, rating: M) -  Kaz and Inej are taking their three-year-old daughter to visit the Suli caravans for the first time, and Inej wants what all mothers want: for her child to be happy and safe. It is no surprise that her own mother wants the very same.

what a mother was (62k words, rating: M) - Before she was Inej’s mother, Shanta Ghafa had a mother too. Or: Mama & Papa Ghafa’s love story. Prequel to “what a mother wants,” but can be read as a standalone fic. 

Note: some of these fics are only available to read for registered ao3 users, so you have to have an account and be logged in to access them.

Finally, if you’re searching for more kanej/SOC fic, I tag all of my recommendations #fic recs.

[a-map-of-gays]

I love it when there's a couple but then there's a third guy who's also there and he's part of it but not like romantically he's just a part of the couple but like....platonically

[ruins-and-rewritez]

And then Inej has that one overprotective cousin who doesn't believe that this thin, grumpy Kerch man can truly protect and provide for his favorite cousin especially with that gimp leg - 'for the last time Kaz isn't my husband'- 'shut up Inej' - so he challenges Kaz to a friendly spar to assess his strength and decide if he's actually worthy and Inej is just in the background like 'you're going to die, you're actually gonna die' but her cousin doesn't concede that he's wrong until Kaz beats him up and then he just sorta poutingly agrees that Kaz is good enough to have married her

Inej's extended family unintentionally mistaking Kaz as her husband the first time they all meet him because they know he saved her and that he comes home with her and their casual, albeit, limited touches and how he only seems to smile for her alone and the way he's already moving before she says a word and that he always looks at her like that and her parents never bothered to tell them otherwise because frankly what's the point of correcting anyone when it's going to happen eventually and Kaz is already your son?