#malformation games

[gebo4482]

Ground Zero

Website / Steam

[softichill]

I really love how everyone's referencing the two cakes meme with LN3 and Reanimal. That really is what's happening here JGNSKJH

[thissoundsdifferent]

Resident Evil Weekend Covers

The Second Malformation of G - Cover by Rod Herold

Disclaimer: I do not have any association with the cover artists nor the original artists. None of this work is my own. Please leave likes and comments on the videos and support the original creators.

[vault81]

Map of the Commonwealth (25.12.2287)

Featuring all (currently) known factions and their territories

[blood-mocha-latte]

wip tag game

tagged by the lovely beautiful @mstiemountainhop, thank you beloved <3

rules: make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

only posting the ones i’ve been working on recently this time, loves

1 - demacon wip part two

2 - little talks chapter four

3 - loosely based hunger games au

4 - They Fuck In A Barn

taggingggg @moghraidhs @gorgeousundertow @lamialamia @ewipandora @disastrouscanasta <33

[northernolddragon]

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

i’m so frustrated with people’s lack of common sense about wildlife. if you’re interacting with wildlife, you’re not having your disney princess moment. you’re not forming a magical bond. that’s a wild animal who is potentially terrified; maybe it’s curious if it’s young enough, but that just means you should minimise interactions as much as possible to make sure that animal lives a normal life. if your kid comes in holding a wild animal, don’t pick up your fucking phone to videotape it. bring the animal back outside and educate your kid to leave animals alone. you know what happens when you take in wildlife as a “pet”? either you keep it and do damage because even though it’s “tame” it’s a wild animal who is in no way meant to live in that setting unless it’s being kept by a trained and licensed rehabber who knows the housing and feeding requirements (and even then i’ve seen some who are keeping animals irresponsibility), or it ends up at a wildlife rehab when you inevitably harm it enough that you don’t know what to do, or when no vets see you, or when the animal becomes too aggressive for you to handle. and then we either figure out how to rehabilitate an animal whose temperament and/or body you have massively damaged or we euthanise it because the damage is too extensive. start treating wildlife like wild animals rather than a dog or cat. they’re not pets, they’re not domesticated, leave them alone and let them live happy lives as they’re supposed to.

[razors-tv]

If all you have is a hammer, then everything looks like a nail. Get the Malformer at Level 37 in the #TideOfShadows Battle Pass!

Railroads forged progress across the frontier. But the march of time is molded and shaped by the hammers themselves, forged by powerful architects.

[ironmaidenxsteelheart]

"Unless you can fly, I sincerely doubt it!" She hums, cheerily, as the door clicks shut (it sounds almost....crunchy?) behind Lisa's back. "The nearest village is a day's trek from here, in the direction opposite your entry!" Wannour passes in front of her, to root through one of the many piles marring the room. This one seemed to be primarily jars of various preserves-- raspberry, blackberry, various fruits and vegetables, but also various creepy-crawlies; both whole and in pieces. (Why would anyone need a plucked, malformed chicken(?) preserved along with their pickles and jams? Just why?) She tosses them wantonly aside, the jars failing to break as they hit the ground, instead flickering blue atop their lids and gently clunking to rest.

"They're a bit judgy, though. I'd head further South-East, if I were you-- bigger town, less no-curiosity fuddy-duddies!!" No human Wannour'd ever seen had red eyes or pointed ears, after all; and it would be terribly rude, to send someone off to a welcome of cold glances and suspicion. And possibly fire; but never mind that. She picks up a particular jar by its lid, and looks into it from the bottom, one eye squeezed shut. Was this the right one, for that? She'd need her kitchen, if she was going to make proper food.... "By the way, is there anything you can't eat?"

As she peered into this cave dwelling to her it screamed witchery, and she knew witches could be trickers and word twisters when they wanted to be. She couldn't possibly walk into a trap like this, or she was going to be hopping out as a toad or boiled into the next crafty concoction. She's heard the stories, she knew this witch's game.

But who was she to turn down an invitation to a meal? And such a warm welcome as well.

"Thank you," she said politely as she came through the threshold. She hasn't thrown all caution to the wind, she still looked around for any traps or possibility that she was about to be pushed into that questionably ventilated cauldron, "But uh...I probably shouldn't stay long. I think there's enough daylight out for me to still make it."

[ms-scarletwings]

So it’s like a huge thing in Dredge that sometimes you pull up these lovecraftian type of mutant fish… like, they’re rarer and more valuable, albeit fucked up variants of the normal ones you catch. Kind of like shiny Pokémon if the shinies had many eyes where they shouldn’t or clumps of parasitic, Gigeresque cysts covering their malformed bodies.

Anyway the least disturbing and MOST funny one to me that I’ve encountered so far has to be this aberrant version of blackmouth salmon

Like, I’m sorry, devs?… that’s not some unholy divergence from the course of the natural order that’s just a normal ass chinook in the spawning season. No joke, they just casually rot alive exactly like that every single generation of fish.

Heads up: under this cut gets gross

Photos of real salmon during the spawn season that turn my stomach in a way this video game can only aspire to

In case you ever wondered, this is also the reason people don’t eat post-spawn adults.

Remember kids, as much as any of us try, it’s very hard to top the worldbuilding of the greatest horror author of all- Mother Nature.

[gebo4482]

Ground Zero - Crashed Boat Gameplay

Website / Steam

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

Do you have any headcanons about the Ghoul's cum? Is it an unusual color, taste, or texture? Is it radioactive? If you look at it under a microscope, do the sperm cells look mutated? Can he get someone pregnant? If he cums inside someone, are there any side effects?

I feel like my answer to this shouldn't start with "I have actually given much thought to what ghoul cum would be like", and it shouldn't be as long as it is, Anon, but here we go:

I headcanon that being a ghoul does make you infertile, especially as a man...early on. Radiation is a massive sperm-killer so I think all the human sperm would be wiped out pretty damn quick. But I think if you manage to stay alive long enough into the ghoulification process (which can be instantaneous or can be drawn out over years and years), your boys could possibly adjust and "heal" from being so damaged by the radiation and start producing sperm again. In the lore of the games, there are records of ghouls reproducing with one another (though it is not elaborated on at all and is apparently rare), so why would it be out of the realm of possibility (in the Fallout universe) that they could reproduce with healthy humans?

I think it would take the right human, the right ghoul, and the right conditions (my heart says 'radstorm', but I know how deeply corny that is), but I do think it's possible for some ghouls to get women pregnant.

I don't think their sperm themselves would necessarily be remarkable under a microscope; sperm having multiple heads/tails, no head/tail, and other malformations already exists in human men, and the number of them visible in a sample is used as an indicator of sperm quality. I think, that close, a sample from a ghoul would just look like a sample from a regular man with poor quality sperm.

The semen would be very radioactive after a few years, especially if you had sexual contact with an older ghoul or a still-sentient glowing one like Jason Bright or Oswald the Outrageous. I think it has a bit of a strangely-colored hue and I think it's thicker in consistency than before. You will absolutely get sick from it (especially if you swallow it) if you don't properly prep with Rad-X. Expect all the traditional symptoms of radiation sickness (fever, fatigue/fainting, confusion, vomiting, red inflammation and burns in the places you had direct physical contact, bleeding from the nose/mouth, unusual bruising) if you don't, and have Radaway ready for afterwards. What's the stuff for if not saving us from ourselves?

When a ghoul cums inside you, you can absolutely taste it, like you rested a nickle on the back of your tongue. You'll really hate it at first, but eventually you'll come to tolerate, even like it. Try not to let them "shoot up the club" every single time, though, since it'll probably leave you incredibly raw and sore. It's also long-accepted ghoul-fucker canon that your sentient ghoul lover cumming inside of/all over you can hide your scent from feral ghouls.

When I tell you that shit would taste so bad, I'm not even sure I have the proper words for what I think it would be like. Sort of like licking a battery combined with the bitter, acidic flavor of bile (and also the taste of semen, which doesn't exactly taste great anyway). You'll probably try to be sexy and brave and at least let your ghoul lover cum on your tongue once, but trust me when I say you'll never offer again. Especially since their regenerative abilities make them cum buckets every single time.

Godspeed, ghoul fuckers. We wouldn't do it if we weren't willing to risk a little rad exposure, right?

[xetlynn]

an artists muse- a viktor fic

four.

[three] [four] [five]

all i crave, is to fall away from myself.

It’s exhausting. To live with an issue most people don’t have. The stares of others while walking past. Knowing that no matter how much medicine you take, no matter how many doctors visits. Nothing. Absolutely nothing will change. 

Viktor grits his teeth, scrummaging through his night stand beside his bed. Aiming to find his painkillers along with the muscle relaxers he was prescribed most recently due to the pain in his right leg. Never gets better when the pain randomly decides to transpire on the most arbitrary times. Under no circumstances is he ever prepared for it either. 

Since a baby he has had to endure it. Born with a malformed leg, born with a weakness stunting his experience of being a child. As others obtained the involvement in physical games on the playground without worrying about falling to the ground within seconds. Or stumbling over their own leg attached to their body because it’s dragging them down. 

Envy filled his every bone. Envy and annoyance engraved into him as others to this day feel warranted to assist him with everything. He hated asking others for help. He hated when people helped him without him asking. 

Viktor’s hand at last detects the pill bottles, snatching them towards him. He roughly opens the painkiller, swallowing it without water. Doing the same thing with the muscle relaxers. He squeezes his eyes shut, still having to undergo the discomfort in his limb. He tosses the pills into the drawer once again. 

No going to class for him. He doesn’t even check his phone for the time as he grips onto his pillow, trying to fall back asleep. Only being able to do so when the medicine hits his system. Knocking out instantly. 

You purse your lips, tapping your foot on the ground as you await Viktor at his normal spot in the cafe. Holding the coconut puff in one hand and your coffee in the other. You had already finished your cherry danish. “Where is he?” You mumble impatiently, looking over to the clock that hung on the wall to see it was past 7:45. You had to get going to your class. 

“He must’ve slept in.” You sigh, opening your backpack and placing the treat in the bag. Making sure it won’t get too crushed with all of your things. You take a last big drink of your iced coffee before throwing it away. Walking out of the door. 

You want to text Viktor but at the same time you’d rather not bother him, if he had slept in he probably needed it. Not knowing if he’s a light sleeper you didn’t want to awake him by the notification coming from you. So you decided to message him later to check in with him. 

“[Name]! Wait for me!” A voice cuts you from your thinking, you glance over your shoulder to see Gert. You smile, offering a small wave. “Hii!” You slow your pace, allowing her to catch up with you. “I’m so excited to have another class with you!” She swings an arm over your shoulders. Your eyes glimmer at her sweet words. “I am too! I can show you so many of my skills! You can show me your secret skills you have yet to show me!” You exuberantly say, leaning your head upon her shoulder. 

“You’re going to be disappointed for sure, I’ve never sculpted before.” She nervously admits and you scrunch your nose. “I would never be disappointed! I can help you.” You assure her with a small nudge, the both of you entering the art class. 

“Oh no way! I didn’t know we had this class together!” You look to see who that came from, your eyes widen at the sight of Ekko. You squeal with excitement. “Two friends! Amazing!” You jump up and down. Your professor eyes you up and down from their desk because of your sudden outburst. 

You don’t pay any mind to it though, you didn’t even notice it. “Oh this is so cool, four people per table!” You point to the desks around the room. Leading the way to the left side of the room, planting down in a seat. Gert sits alongside you as Ekko was across from you. 

Your knees bounce up and down, truly happy with how this class is turning out. Unfortunately in the back of your mind though all you can think about is Viktor. And why he wasn’t at the cafe this morning. 

Fellow students pile into the classroom, finding their spots. You wonder who was going to join your table. Hopefully you’d become their friend as well. 

Luck was definitely not on your side. Fate decided another path for you. “Ohmygosh! This is crazy!” A high pitch voice sounds, ringing in your ears. Your body freezing, the bouncing of your knees coming to a full stop. “[Name]! We have a class together! This is so exciting!!!” The ginger installs herself to the empty seat. Your mouth goes dry, agape at the sight. 

You pull yourself together, forcing out a fake chuckle. “Just like old times!!” Your cheeks hurt from forcing a hoax of a smile. “Love it!” You grit your teeth. Ekko furrows his eyebrows at your behavior but the professor already begins their lecture before anything else can be said between you four at the table. 

“My name is Professor Shoola. Or Dr. Shoola. Whichever. Nice to meet you guys.” They didn’t seem very genuine with their words, continuing on. You sat straight up, ignoring Maddie who kept trying to whisper things to you. 

“Getting right into it, our main focus in this class is learning the art of sculpting. Some of you may be masters within this subject. Others may be… just learning.” Their eyes were bored, scanning the room. Observing and learning their class within each appearance. “Art is encompassing the earth, every turn. Every crack and mile. Art is within you. Beauty is all around you. Beauty is what you make of it. Art is what you make of it.” They explain with passion. 

“Hopefully as I teach you, you will find what you seek out in life. Let art guide you to what you want. Artists need a muse. Life is one's muse. Whether that be a person. Or a thing. Or a place.” Professor Shoola’s voice was like silk and you wanted to hear everything she had to say. You almost giggled at the last bit as that was the definition of a noun. But you calmed yourself. 

Relentless to listen. “I know it is the first day in this class but I will already be announcing your first project. You probably already have quite a few from your other classes but don’t fret with this one. You will have two months to complete this.” They pull down a poster over their chalkboard. 

“The Piltover University Thanksgiving Art show.” It read with older sculptures printed over it. You perked up more if that was even possible. 

“Find your muse and I want your sculpture to reflect it. During this time you will be given worksheets with questions to guide you there.” They show a stack of papers. “This is today’s.” They glide around the room, passing four sheets to each table. Gert picks up the stack for your table, handing them out to each of you. 

You ogle down at the paper. The first question being: “What makes you different from others?” You jut out your bottom lip. Such a deep, loaded question. 

“Talk with your table mates. Or do it by yourself.” Shoola sits in her seat and you let out a breath. 

“I know the first answer for you, [Name].” Gert whispers, pointing at your paper. You look at her with a confused expression. “You do?” 

“You’re kind.” She answers. “Hah!?” You raise a brow, “almost everyone is kind, Gerty!” You whine out, “that does not make me different from others.” You slump down. 

“No, no. You [Name]. Are a genuine, kind person. I guess to put it in a better word. You’re altruistic.” She smiles at you. “Is that a real word?” Maddie chimes into your conversation, you have to constraint yourself from rolling your eyes. 

“Yes,” Ekko chuckles. “I have to agree, either that or benignant.” He nods his head and you sheepishly look away, waving your hand at them. “Awe shucks. Too sweet.” You giggle. 

“I don’t think I’m going to put that though. I think I’m going to pause on the first question for now.” You tell them, picking up you backpack so you can take out a pencil. You open the bag and Viktor’s coconut puff plops out on the table. It was flattened. Darn. 

“Sorry, that was meant for-” you paused, why’d you pause? You didn’t know. “Me, I uh was going to save it.” You over explain, Gert and Ekko give you a side glance as they were already jotting things down on their papers. “Can I have it? I didn’t have breakfast.” Maddie rubs her tummy dramatically. 

Your shoulders tensed up, your eyes flickering from the puff to the ginger girl. It was Viktors… You didn’t want to give it away. “Um… I guess so!” You shrug your shoulders, sliding it over to her. Mentally cursing at yourself for doing it afterwards. 

You take out a pencil and shove your backpack to the ground. Now irritated as you had to watch Maddie enjoy a treat that wasn’t even for her. All because you were too “altruistic.” 

You clench down on your pencil, glaring at the questions on the paper. All the questions were intrusive in your opinion but when you looked around, everyone was writing with ease.

“Have you ever been in love?” “What’s your favorite thing about yourself?” “If you were to meet yourself as someone else would you be your friend?” “What’s your favorite object that you own?” 

You thought this was art class. Not therapy. 

The end of the class was announced and everyone stood up. You hadn’t written down a single thing. You sit there, staring off into space. Gert places a hand on your shoulder. “You okay?” She asks and you grin up at her. “Yeah! I just want to talk to the professor. See you later, ‘kay!?” You abruptly shoot up, holding the paper close to you as you grab your backpack. Ekko gives you a look, wondering what your deal was. 

“I’ll wait for you! We so have to hangout today!” Maddie gleams, not giving you the chance to respond as she skips outside the class, waiting for you outside of it. The other two give you thumbs up as they walk away. 

You make your way to Dr. Shoola. “Yes?” They ask, looking up at you through their lashes. “Hi, I’m [Name].” You introduce yourself and they lean back in their chair. “Okay.” They say, raising a brow. 

“I uh, I don’t understand the point of these questions.” You admit, showing your paper that only had your name written down along with small doodles. 

“What don’t you understand?” They cross their arms and your breath hitches. “I mean, I understand the point of them. I just… I can’t answer them.” You tell them, gnawing at the dead skin on your bottom lip. “Why?” 

Your face flushes. “My thoughts are harsh.” You confess, standing tall nonetheless at your depressive disclosement. “Unfortunately that’s the point of this, [Name].” They give you a pitiful smile. “What you think of yourself is what drives you to be who you are. Drives you to your muse.” They tell you and you kiss your teeth at their words. 

“If it makes you feel any better, only I will see this. And I’m not grading you on judgement. I’m grading you on getting it done.” They say. You nod your head silently. Pressing your lips together into a line. “Okay. Thank you for your time.” You excuse yourself, heading towards the exit. 

“You can talk to me any time, [Name]. Please know that.” They call after you and you look back at them. “Don’t say that, I’ll come to you for everything.” You light-heartedly joke with a close eyed smile before continuing on your way out. 

You go out into the hall and Maddie clings onto your arm. “I’ve been waiting for a message from you!” She admits to you and you hum. “Sorry, been busy.” You lie. 

“Dang, that sucks! I’ve been so free lately that I guess I didn’t realize other people have lives!” She laughs and you force out a dry chuckle, zoning out. Not really paying attention to anything else she talks about. 

As the two of you reach the campus cafeteria you pull away gently. “I have to meet someone, somewhere. Talk later?” You fib once again and Maddie smiles. “Of course! See you, [Name]!” She waves and you walk away. Deep in thought, thinking about the paper that you still had stuck in your hand. 

Entering your dorm you throw your stuff at your desk, along with the stupid paper from art class. You fling yourself onto your bed, letting out a loud groan. “Hm? [Name] I’m trying to take a nap~” Powder whines, stretching out her body. 

“Sorry.” You murmur, taking out your phone and facing the wall away from your best friend. You open instagram and see Viktor hasn’t been active all day. It’s already 11 am and he doesn’t seem like the type to sleep in. 

Your worry seeps into your brain, infesting all parts of your nerves. You go to the messages. 

—----------------------------------------------------

love.[name]3- heyyyyyooo, missed you at the cafe vikkie:(

                                                                             Delivered

—----------------------------------------------------

Viktor grumbles as sunlight hits his eyes through his curtains. He covers his eyes, thankfully the pain in his leg has subsided. He lets out a relieved sigh before reaching over and grabbing his phone. Snatching the charger off of it. His eyes squint as he reads the notifications. It was currently 1pm.

Jayce and Vi were being idiots in their group chat, talking about whether Mel or Caitlyn were hotter. He rolled his eyes but then saw a notification from Instagram. 

[love.[name]3 messaged you!]

His thumb shakily presses it, taking him to the chat. 

—----------------------------------------------------------

love.[name]3- heyyyyyooo, missed you at the cafe vikkie:(

vik.tor_e- sorry, don’t feel good:(

vik.tor_e- i should’ve let you know, sorry again

love.[name]3- don’t EVER apologize for not feeling good

love.[name]3- like ever, i’m so serious >:( 

vik.tor_e- lol, ok 

vik.tor_e- i should be good by tomorrow, already feel better

vik.tor_e- so i’ll see you on monday fs :)

love.[name]3- i better! get yur rest!!!!

—------------------------------------------------------------

taglist: if you want to be added lmk! @policedeer @im-just-a-simp-le-whore

[kedreeva]

I know you've raised several breeds of quail by now- which one has been your favorite? I'm looking into adding one or two quail tractors to my farm to help manage the insect population in the horse pastures as well as roaming them supervised in the barn for the same purpose. (With a hutch in the tack room for the winter and nighttime). I'm just not sure what species to choose! I have quite a few available around me, including button, bobwhite, coturnix, and celadon coturnix.

my "favorite" doesn't really apply to use; my favorite are the bobwhites, but keeping them was a nightmare. In the peafowl pens, the peafowl just ate their eggs. In an indoor pen, they hid their eggs and I was forever finding hidden stashes that were ??? age. In hutches, they seemed miserable and more aggressive. After a lot more reading on research done about it, wild-release captive-born birds pretty much never survive to reproduce, so it was wasted money and time (for the quail, I'm sure the predators in the area didn't mind, nor the outdoor cats).

But for what you want, bobwhites and buttons are not going to really be feasible. Bobwhites you can't really "roam" them even indoors, because you will have a hell of a time catching them if you can even find them- those little shits can squeeze into pinholes you would not BELIEVE if they are trying to hide after landing from a flush, and they're excellent at flying. I let the WHITE snowflake bobwhite I had into the peafowl pen and immediately lost her when she buried herself in a small patch of longer grass along the barn wall within 3 seconds (I did find her eventually but man she was HIDDEN). Buttons are even worse/smaller, and they're not even cold hardy, so you'd have to actually heat them in the winter, not just keep them in a room protected from draft. You'd kind of run into the same problem with other new world quail like valley/gambel's, or blue scale, or montezuma or whatever. They're all still naturally flighty, survival game birds.

The coturnix really aren't that much better, but at least they suck at flying and aren't as flighty to begin with, but you're still likely to be chasing them around the barn to get them back, rather than them returning to a hutch to sleep. The problem with them is they're fairly lazy, and they don't raise their own kids ever (it's just been bred out of them), so you WILL have to buy more or an incubator if you want to replace them, and they are Meat birds and don't tend to live as long as new world quail. But, of all the quail, that would probably be your best bet if your heart is set on quail. They're ravenous, they're meaty and lay eggs daily year round, and they're pretty tame for a game bird. If you like blue eggs, then you can go with the celadons, but they're a lot more work for selection (and I don't mean selection toward standard, I mean selection so their eggs don't go to shit and start breaking/getting malformed due to the ce gene messing with some health stuff if you're not careful about avoiding it- definitely do research before getting them) and more finicky on nutrition, so you may find they don't do as well ranged on pasture as the standard egg layers do.

HOWEVER. If you have the ability to do it, and you're specifically looking for insect population control, you could always go with some bantam chickens instead of quail. Unlike quail that were never bred for it, chickens DO have a "home base" instinct, which means they're unlikely to disappear into the wild, and there's no native wild chicken populations (assuming you aren't in the jungle where chickens originated, but I could be wrong) escapees could interbreed with (unlike with quail, who CAN hybridize with native quail and Cause Problems) if they happened to leave. They can be turned loose into pastures and get all over the place to eat bugs without you having to move a tractor (but can also be tractored if you prefer to place them). And there are some VERY small breeds out there - seramas, OEG, sebrights, d'uccles/booted bantams, d'anvers, etc - and there are some breeds that come in bantam and standard that are still pretty small (silkies, polish, cochins, etc). AND the smaller breeds can have small coops to be roosts overnight, so their housing similarly doesn't need to take up a ton of space.

Alternately alternately, you could have a look at guinea fowl. They're a "game bird" like quail, but they're able to free range like chickens, but they don't necessarily need or even want a coop; they prefer to roost in trees on most farms I've seen. But they're well known for a) readily declining insect populations where they are, particularly ticks and b) being a home alarm system because they WILL scream about anything weird they see, but they're more accurate about it than, say, peafowl, whose definition of "weird" includes things that are very normal. but they're not as small as quail or bantam chickens, and I don't know what the likelihood of absconding is, so you'd have to talk to someone that keeps them- I'm just mentioning them in case you've never heard of them and want to look into it.

So, yeah, Coturnix (any variety) if you're set on quail and you want to let them out of a cage in any capacity that involves returning them to your care, but I'd honestly advise looking into bantam chickens if you're looking for insect control specifically since they have better ranging ability. Or guinea fowl if you find they're your thing.

[schmergo]

If you think I was a kid who loved to read, you’d be right, but that doesn’t just mean I was reading, like, Newbery Award nominated prestigious children’s novels. Because in my experience, most kids who love to read are more gourmand than gourmet. I was also reading:

* Class rosters. I begged my teachers for these. I wanted to try to memorize everyone’s middle names.

* Similarly, old yearbooks. I liked judging whether people’s names matched their faces and making up different names for them if they did. I also loved reading baby name books and making lists of names I liked.

.* The personals section of the newspaper. I liked picturing the people as they described themselves and imagining which combination of people on the page might like each other.

* The ingredients of food packages. Not even for any real informational reason, I just really liked certain fantasy-sounding words like thiamine and riboflavin.

* An old World Book Encyclopedia from the 1970s. I would sneak out of bed to read it because the bookshelf was near my bedroom door and I could crawl to it without making the floor creak. My favorite entries were the ones about Hawaii and tigers. I kinda developed a ritual of rereading the Hawaii article when I had read a scary book before bed and needed to calm my brain down.

* My dad’s Dave Barry and Woody Allen humor books and also transcripts of all of the Monty Python’s Flying Circus episodes. This is probably why my sense of humor has been so weird from such a young age.

* The part of the church hymnal with ceremonies for baptisms, weddings, and funerals. I liked to imagine them.

* Wine catalogs at friends’ houses. The descriptions of the wines seemed so poetic and abstract. I also liked when they said “fruit on the nose” because I pictured a dog balancing a whole piece of fruit on its nose.

* My parents’ parenting books. I liked to see if I was exhibiting developmentally appropriate behavior. I am not 100% sure if doing that is, in fact, developmentally appropriate behavior.

* Those little brochures advertising various roadside attractions and tourist activities at rest shops. I would grab as many as possible when we stopped to use the bathroom on a road trip. Also, travel guides in general.

* I checked out the entire “unexplained” section of the library over the course of third grade. (Dewey decimal 001.9.) Ask little me about Project Blue Book, I guess.

* I LOVED party planning books, especially ones with highly specific themed parties that seemed impractical to put on in real life like a whole chess-themed party culminating in a game of human chess, complete with lemon chess pie for dessert.

* Seed packets. I find the writing style of these very endearing. It always sounds so affectionate toward the plants.

* My grandma’s Reader’s Digest magazines, which felt like Russian roulette because they sometimes published disturbing articles that gave me nightmares. (Reader’s Indigestion?) I especially vividly remember a feature on adopted kids who need to wear Ilizarov apparatuses to straighten their limbs because they became malformed due to severe neglect at orphanages.

* For some reason, I loved reading restaurant menus and imagining what kind of food different fictional characters would order from there.

* And last but certainly not least, because I think this is a relatable one: the AMERICAN GIRL CATALOG! No, I never had an American Girl doll, but getting the catalog was a source of much excitement.

[numbersninja]

They were never gonna make the minecraft movie anything other than this. I could hope for a quiet introspective movie about surviving and building up a desolate world or an epic fantasy about freeing the end all I want but it’s the Minecraft movie it has to have Minecraft it has to be based off of those fucking max brooks books where the first three chapters are the main character describing how everything is made of blocks. It has to have a generic mindless horde of baddies that aren’t even based off of the actual generic mindless horde of baddies already in the game. It has to have live action CGI with awful malformed block animals. Because it’s the block game.