#male socialization

[radixxfem]

What's the fucking problem with these guys whining about "my wife doesn't make me coffee on demand but does so when her boss requests it of her at work, which she gets paid for" and implying said boss is a male "she respects another man more than meeee" and if she argues with the fact that at work she gets paid to do it they come at you with "so money is worth more to you than your family, you money hungry b*tch"

[livinginadumpster]

is it wrong of me to conclude that dead boy detectives is about male socialization. bc throughout the show we see characters being hurt and abused at the hands of boys and men who never saw the wrong in their actions, but at the exact same time you have edwin and charles, who were never taught how to deal with their emotions and traumas other than to shove them down, learning to process and express their most complicated feelings in a healthy way. is it wrong of me to say that what we get out of the show is that male socialization fucks boys up and the patriarchy is detrimental to men as well. can anyone hear me

[itellmyselfsecrets]

“Black men’s idealization of white womanhood is as rooted in sexiest woman-hating as is their devaluation of black womanhood. In both cases, women are still being reduced to the level of objects. The idealized woman becomes property, symbol, and ornament; she is stripped of her essential human qualities. The devalued woman becomes a different kind of object; she is the spittoon in which men release their negative anti-woman feelings.” - bell hooks (ain’t I a woman: black women and feminism)

[inspiredtrans]

It's insane how (some) cis men think it's completely normal and okay to have a wife that loves them unconditionally and serves them at every whim and caters her whole life to her, meanwhile I feel bad and selfish for wanting one that will sometimes fuck me and actually give a shit about my personal life and give a bit of physical affection sometimes.

Maybe female socialization is real and it's making me incredibly dysphoric. Just one of those things transition can't resolve.

[dykeulous]

been thinking a lot about the “to create loving men, we must love males” quote by bell hooks. i have seen it be spread around recently, but i feel like a lot of people seem to be missing the point. yes, to create loving men, we must love males; but this shouldn’t be done at the expense of women. it shouldn’t be used as a justification for misogyny and sexist statements such as, “oh look these women are such feminazis and they’re the reason why all these men are getting radicalized”. if we acknowledge that misogyny is societal, and not biological– and that men are socialized to do evil, instead of being biologically hardwired to do evil; then we also have to prevent that evil, and deal with harm reduction. misogyny is learned and it can be unlearned. each and every man is misogynistic, each and every man holds, at the very least, benevolent misogynistic attitudes & microaggressive beliefs– and this can be unlearned! with the right socialization. instead of jumping to attack the feminist who suggests that every man has inner bias he has to unlearn, because somehow she is being a “man-hater” despite encouraging him to unlearn his bias– we should hear her out. men can be great and valuable feminist allies. they can choose to do good. nothing is biologically hardwired in them. nothing is holding them back from being a decent & respectful human being. they shouldn’t get defensive when we rightfully critique male socialization– they shouldn’t get defensive when we suggest that their environment & culture has indoctrinated them to even subtly hold misogynistic values. this can be left behind. it’s not revolutionary to constantly push this need to “love males” at women, what is revolutionary though, is to encourage both women & men to engage with their children, to raise their children properly (and even then, parental socialization can only reach so far; what the child picks up from the rest of their environment is still crucial, as is the analysis of misogynistic culture & societal indoctrination), to enforce the right values, and to create rehabilitative anti-sexist programs. it is not “male-hating” or “misandrist” to suggest that men should unlearn their learned bigotry. if they wish to be good allies, they will have to listen. it’s just how it works.

men are not inherently bad people. our activism must come from a place of love, not hatred. this is what the bell hooks quote was about. to unjustified violence, one must react with benevolent violence; one that will reform and rehabilitate society. benevolent violence, revolutionary violence, comes from a place of love– and from a wish to end misogyny through revolutionary measures.

[bullshit-tqia]

“Oh, abortion isn’t legal in your state/country? Why don’t you just do it yourself, dumbass?”

A lot of trans women go straight to belittling other trans people just because they don’t feel comfortable with injecting testosterone from untrustworthy foreign sources into their bodies, which is a crime.

If trans women aren’t male socialized…why are so many of them much more willing to commit the crime of illegally acquiring HRT than the female socialized trans men?

[mold-girl]

tumblr gendies being agaist male/female socialisations existence is hilarious to me, like you have to slowly explain to them that this is THEIR opinion, the fact that patriarchy is SOCIALISED into us instead of being innate, but they for some reason have to bend time and space to somehow correlate the word "socialisation" to "this is natural and definitely comes from birth its innate"

news flash, the most blackpilled radfems dont belive in male socialisation, you guys are openly supporting the most extremist versions of the movement you hate

[unhingedfenestration]

sorry but new gender post! so like you know those terms male and female socialization

ive been thinking about those again

some people use female socialization to basically just call transmascs girls and male socialization just call transfems boys

but like i feel like the variables they’re trying to talk about are all sorta independent of each other? Like, assigned female does not 100% mean you picked up “female behaviors”, and likewise for assigned male.

like, i’m a trans girl. i was raised as a boy, that’s usually how that works. I was always, like 100% aware of gender though, and tried to adhere to whatever signals i saw adults giving girls bc that just felt right to me? and i’ve just absorbed so much of those behaviors all my life that like. whenever i see a post about female socialization or whatever i’m like. hm this just sounds like they’re talking about me. like all the male socialization behaviors are things i have explicitly tried to avoid for my entire life since childhood because i read them as boy stereotypes. not only is this proof that like, transfem =\= “socialized male” but i’m also trying to reiterate that those terms are exclusively good for talking about stereotypes and gender roles, NOT for fucking ignoring or bypassing trans people’s genders. ugh

socialized also just feels like the wrong word bc of all of that. like i was definitely socialized as male if that means treated as male, but i didn’t really perform any of the behaviors that people say ONE HUNDRED PERCENT ALWAYS FOLLOWS BEING ASSIGNED MALE that well or absorb them that deeply. i’m sure this is the case for others, and i’m also sure that some people absorbed some behaviors and never really performed others. False binaries are stupid.

[boreal-sea]

We’re talking about socialization again so here’s my two bits as a trans person:

If you say NO ONE experienced the socialization aimed at the sex they were assigned at birth, you are wrong.

If you say EVERYONE experienced the socialization aimed at the sex they were assigned at birth, you are ALSO WRONG.

I could go on and on with more examples but I hope what you see here is the use of absolutes.

“Everyone experienced this and it’s transphobic to say they didn’t!”

“No, NO ONE experienced that and it’s transphobic to say they did!!”

Here’s my take on socialization:

It’s personal.

Every single person has their own unique experience with gendered/sexed socialization. You invalidate and insult and exclude people when you insist everyone or no one experienced it the same way YOU did. There are a million things that can affect socialization, like race and religion and ethnicity. There is just no other way around this.

[femmefatalevibe]

What’s your view on toxic female friendships. I think it’s such a shame betrayal seems to be more common theme in female friendships. Men seem to have life long friends without any drama at all. Of course there are women out there with good life long friends but sadly it’s rare especially in this era we live in

xx

I think the underlying themes here are patriarchy and internalized misogyny. It can appear in blatant forms like women who sabotage each other for male attention, body/appearance/slut shame other women, or overly criticize other women's behavior and choices.

But I also believe there's a more covert patriarchal dynamic to women-women friendships vs. men-men friendships that's only recently become a prominent conversation in the public sphere/social media. As women, we're taught that it's our responsibility and culturally conditioned to perform all the emotional labor for the people in our lives – mainly men, but also other women. Men are taught and socialized with the opposite mentality.

So, I believe the dilemma comes down to this:

Female friendships exist as an outlet to unload our emotional stressors from all the men and women in our lives, so along with strict standards to be the "perfect" woman, it is easy for women to get on each other's nerves/bad side when we're all constantly emotionally exhausted and unloading onto each other. We overemphasize the emotional labor we should expect out of each other because we are conditioned to do this for the men in our lives. But, because other women aren't men, we start to resent/project onto them this anger. It's a very insidious type of internalized misogyny that I think a lot of women aren't aware of and therefore do not confront.

Then, there's the other side of the coin, where men don't really have these expectations of other men. Their friendship is based more on camaraderie through mutual interests, upbringing, lifestyles, or shared experiences (like working together, attending the same university, etc.). They don't uphold this expectation of performing emotional labor for themselves or each other. That role is reversed or the women in their lives.

Of course, I believe most men are so socially conditioned by patriarchy that they don't even realize this underlying dynamic and there are plenty of exceptions of emotionally intelligent men who desire to/actively unpack this to create more emotionally nourishing and equitable relationships in their lives, but I'm speaking in generalities for comprehension's sake.

Hope this resonates with some of you and answers your question. Bisous xx

[alyceinwonderland777]

I'm furious.

I was having a discussion on Twitter with a woman and she strongly believed that patriarchy will never be defeated. The discussion continued and at some point I mentioned the fact that misogyny, as we all know, depends on socialization. This woman started saying that the socialization argument was an excuse for misogynistic behavior among humans and started using as an "argument" the fact that male animals rape female animals and asked me if that was socialization too.

Aside from the fact that any person with a functioning brain should understand that the dynamics of the animal kingdom are extremely different from the dynamics of the human kingdom, explaining how a certain phenomenon works does not mean justifying it but the exact opposite. When we talk about socialization we are not saying that misogynistic men are not aware of what they are doing, but we are explaining where their hatred towards women comes from. Nobody is born hating, they "teach" you to do it.

By implying that misogyny is something innate you are justifying misogynistic behaviors, as you are implying that men "can't help it".

After a while she blocked me and I did the same, but I needed to get this off my chest.

Oh she's also transphobic. I think this gives you an idea of ​​how ignorant she is.

This is her account. Have fun 🤡

[somethingprettyandpoetic]

Tell that fish to climb a tree and behold! the result is a failure constructed by you!

Women are not weaker than men. Our strengths just lie in a different places; different areas. You cannot see our strengths when you compare us to something we are not. A flower and a tree are both plants but they are astronomically different from each other. Both are beautiful. Both come from a seed, are planted, and grow. One withers quickly. One grows so, so slowly. You would never say a flower and a tree are the same. One would never discredit all trees because they lack pedals and colors and are not mailable. Likewise, trees are not 'better' than flowers because they are taller, more durable, and have more leaves than a flower does. If you must compare a tree to something, compare it to another tree. If you must compare a flower to something, find another flower to compare it to. Both flowers and trees have their beauty, strengths, uses, and weaknesses. Earth would not be Earth without trees AND flowers. Birds wouldn't have nests and bees wouldn't make honey.

In a world designed for men, women will always seem weaker, smaller, and less than men. She will never be seen for who she really is.

One must stop comparing men to women and realize we will never be the same. We are so, so different. One cannot exist without the other.

So, dear poet, however shall we combat this failure of a system?

Great question!

Here's my answer: you don't

The 'system' is already so incredibly broken. The only thing left to do is completely dismantle the entire thing and start over.

Raise your children differently. Tell your sons they are different from their daughters. Tell your daughters they are not your sons. Show them they have their own unique strengths and weaknesses and teach them to help each other when they are able.

Teach them that the other sex's 'flaws' are not personal shortcomings. Teach your sons to help your daughters without belittling or feeling superior to them. Tell your sons that your daughters are allowed to be smart, accomplished, loud, funny, brash, harsh, personable, strong, weak, throw a thesaurus at them and pick an adjective. They are allowed to be that way. They are women.

Teach your daughters that your sons may be all these things but they should never discredit them!

Teach your daughters to be strong! To be herself! To take no crap from anyone! And teach your sons to respect them for that.

Teach your sons to feel and cry and sing. Show them that they must not push their feelings down. It's okay to cry. That 'weakness' is not 'feminine' and undesirable. Tell them that rape jokes are not funny. That voting for a rapist makes them a danger to all women. Tell them that, to earn a woman's respect, you must first respect her. Be kind, sons. Not just to women you find attractive. That's shitty and shallow and sinful. Be kind to ALL. Not just for the approval of women, but for the Joy of God.

In a world where women are compared to men, we can never flourish. Our trees will never be allowed to grow if they are expected to be flowers.

[doggirldisaster]

I decided to watch porn again for the first time in ages last night, don’t know what sought me out to do it- but it happened.

Y’know, the sort that appeals to the male gaze; I wanted to test if it still worked at all on me.

It was the most dull least arousing thing I could think of. Maybe it’s because I know the ins and outs of the industry now, maybe it’s because I’ve filmed two women who love eachother, maybe it’s where I see Porn Stars as fully fledged people rather than sexual objects- but there’s definitely something different about it.

Instead of paying attention to her fake moans, or to her body, or to the likely fact this was done by a big studio and not made by people who actually know and like eachother; I found myself gazing not at her body, but who she was as a person. She seemed to be fashionably apt, I liked what she wore, I wonder what she did on her spare time. I thought of her whims and wants.

Then 30 seconds I turned it off.