#mal's musings

[tracingpatternswrites]

Writer ramblings under the cut

I've not posted anything in ages (by my standards), and I've been a bit... reluctant to start posting my new WIP because I know I have stuff coming up and I don't really know when I'll be able to finish the whole thing and I'm torn about that.

I keep thinking that I need to have it finished before posting it but... people post WIPs all the time whether or not they know if they're going to finish it.

And, look, it's a bit embarrassing to admit, but I'm starting to crave the endorphins of posting and I'm not sure I can go this whole spring working away on stuff that won't be posted for months. I'm joining the Wolfstar Big Bang and the Prongsfoot Reversed Bang and neither of those post until after the summer.

Anyway - there is no point to this post tbh. Except that I think I might start posting the MAFS WIP even though it's not finished.

[al-luviec]

Morro design + a ton of notes.

[supermallorygalaxyart]

(originally posted on instagram on 8/2/24)

rip roman sanders you would've loved Never The Muse by Madilyn Mei

[littlequeenies]

March 22, 1974 - May Pang, John Lennon and Mal Evans attend the Los Angeles premiere of 'The Rocky Horror Show' stage musical at The Roxy Theatre.

[marigoldendragon]

Thinking about the reason I prefer platonic Malleus stuff over romantic (aside the fact that I don't really care about him) is that that's what he wants and needs the most. A friend.

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

screw it Mal's wearing a cocktail dress to this club

[und-dann-war-es-fast-gut]

Mir ist gerade so richtig bewusst geworden, dass das jetzt doch der dritte Film ist, den Noah auf eine gewisse Art und Weise für Colin dreht.

Also genau so wie Colin es prophezeit hat*:

1) Teil 1 - der Werbefilm für den JC400 offiziell: mit Julia, einem menschenfressende Stuhl und explodierenden Gefühlen -> in Colin und Noahs Welt aber auch: das Kennenlernen, das Näherkommen, die ersten Gefühle

2) mit noch mehr Action - „Undead love“ für den JC400 offiziell: mit Patrick, Julia und einer Zombieliebe, der bzw. die ins Wasser fiel -> aber auch: der Kuss, die Liebe, der Streit, Colins Weggang

3) die sanfte Rückkehr - die Schatzsuche-Doku für den Workshop offiziell: mit Team Maxi und Joshua, die beide den Schatz wollen und alle in ihre Streitigkeiten hineinziehen -> aber auch: die Einsamkeit, Trauer und Wut, das Zulassen der Gefühle und das Bewusstsein, dass beide (eigentlich) das gleiche wollten, der Weg zum Wiedersehen und später: Colins Rückkehr, die Versöhnung, das Happy End

*und wir vor einer Weile schon spekuliert hatten, wegen des Filmplakats, das ja aber dann doch ganz anders war

[orwillidrown]

instead of watching santa claus is going to high school crossed, i’ve decided to see how far i can walk into the witchwood without feeling physically ill to prep for the camping trip i guess i’m going on

if this is the last thing i ever post, the ape-man got me

[taintedlxve]

Young Mal

[aguavivia]

Musings on the night

But how you'd please me, night! without those stars Whose light speaks in a language I have known! Since I seek for the black, the blank, the bare!

Charles Baudelaire, Flowers of Evil: A Selection

Arkhip Ivanovich Kuindzhi, Moonlit Night on the Dnieper (1882)

But it so happens that I hear the night weep in my bones. Her immense teardrop raves mad and shouts that something has gone away forever.

Alejandra Pizarnik, The Last Innocence: The Lost Adventures

J. M. W. Turner, Fishermen at Sea (1796)

[rbchild]

Das Fic ist fertig!

Ich mach jetzt hier mal einen auf Leo und Adam und gönne mir einen wohlverdient ruhigen Abend.

Ich hatte es ja echt total unterschätzt, wie schwer es sein kann, aus einer bestimmten Sicht auf die Figuren wieder rauszukommen, wenn man so lange im Rahmen eines bestimmten Universums geschrieben hat. Da dann wieder auf Canon zurückzusetzen ist mir schwerer gefallen, als ich es gedacht hätte.

"Schreib doch einfach mal ein kleines Case-Fic, um wieder rein zu kommen. Da hast du doch ein paar Ideen rumliegen, und ein paar Tropes, die du noch verarbeiten wolltest." 🤣 Ich bin eigentlich schon viel zu lange in Fandoms unterwegs, um mich noch selbst so zu verarschen.

Das 'kleine' Case-Fic (ich kann das noch nicht mal schreiben, ohne vor mich hin zu kichern) hat über 90.000 Wörter. Davon wird was im Edit wegfallen. Aber ich kenne mich, da wird im Edit auch noch was dazu kommen.

Da kümmere ich mich dann ab morgen drum. Und ab nächster Woche kann dann gepostet werden, denke ich.

Aber jetzt erst mal ist Feierabend.

[tracingpatternswrites]

Just got to my parents for Christmas and I'm sat in the living room, editing the final chapter of Patchwork before posting while my brother is watching television and my parents are fussing about, and it's honestly as if I'm 16 again.

[a-cloud-for-dreams]

What are your thoughts on Mal's route in Blades 2?

OOOH this is such an interesting question! Tbh I'll probably have a different answer by the end of the book but in short, I think that the idea was interesting but the execution was flawed. I feel like that could be said about most of the love interests but it's very prominent with Mal.

First, taking this route with Mal isn't out of the question. I always saw it like this: the other LIs have one barrier (getting them to open up to us). However, Mal had the additional barrier of having a ~facade~ hiding his vulnerability. It's one of the reasons the finale of his route in B1 was so satisfying. Simply put, it would be harder to reach his true self because it becomes a two-step process rather than a one-step process. I'm not trying to reduce people's complicated natures to numerical values, it's just a metric I'm using to explain my thought process.

I bring this up because MC's disappearance reinforces Mal's belief that prevents him from getting too close to anyone. That wall that he's built around his heart that has slowly fallen? It's back up now and even stronger. If MC of all people, the Savior of Morella, left him, who's to say they won't leave again even if they've returned? Case in point, I'm not super upset if they did this for the sake of the plot, but they didn't give this part of the story enough weight, which makes it harder to take seriously. This leads to my biggest problem with Blades II so far: its pacing issue.

Personally, they didn't balance the ratio of plot to emotional development as well as in the first book, which had a clear goal in each chapter that drove the plot forward and gradually expanded on the relationships between characters without the paywall. From a reader standpoint, it feels like they had too much and not enough story for a second book, if that makes sense. This makes B2 feel almost stagnant. In fact, it feels like there is a ratio of filler episodes with a plot-heavy episode every few chapters which is kind of frustrating?? I do want to emphasize that I am grateful for Blades coming back and I don't wanna seem like someone who is complaining for no reason a new book is better than nothing in this case but I wanted to bring it up because it's clearly affecting the LI routes. They weren't given enough time to emotionally process what happened, nor did they address how that negatively impacted them, they just ignore it.

Basically what I'm saying is it would have been different if Mal was apathetic and it was addressed in the story in a way that doesn't feel like a casual side effect. Personally, if I was him, I would be too worried to have MC out of my sight lol.

Idk if that was phrased well but yea <3 I'll make a post about my final thoughts on Blades II so consider this post a preview to that.

[mad-hunts]

i just realized i haven't really talked about what barton is like while he's in arkham and/or what it's like for him. so... let me start by saying barton is probably among one of the inmates at arkham that has caused the highest number of incidents. and i don't mean small ones all the time, either. because barton will go so far to make himself sick just so he can go to the infirmary and steal scalpels / ANY sort of object he can cut people with (specifically the doctors.) now, of course i'm not trying to say that this is justified because of this, but he has also has a history of being treated very badly in there (though that certainly isn't an uncommon thing for anyone in arkham unfortunately) ... and i just feel like that's important to note because his behavior could very well be partially in retaliation to this.

however, i can imagine that the staff in arkham typically don't care about considering things like this since it is a SUPER corrupt place. and thus... i hate to say it, but whenever he is compliant, it's usually because he's drugged up to the point where he's drunker than a skunk. or loopier than a pot-holder. because it is DEFINITELY not normal for barton to not rebel against them in any way. he's also refused to eat in there several times and wellll — that probably didn't vibe well with them, either. so basically what i'm trying to say is barton 'acts out' a lot while he's in there, which could be attributed both to his circumstances AND to his very altered mental state

[glowingcowboy]

There was the ache of being eighteen.

There is an ache in being part of a duo. In claiming someone as half of your soul.

She was my sister- my twin sister. I used to think of us as one entity, two halves of the same coin. The Artemis to my Apollo. The sun to my moon. Two trees intertwined by our roots.

I defined myself by her. The Best Friend. The Rock. The one who's always okay. The one you cling to when things go wrong.

Something inside me died the day she told me she no longer wanted me at her side.

Something else died inside me the day I realized that she would be my friend again but it would never be the same. Like when you break a bone and never get it set properly. It heals but it is not the same after. You can use it but it will never move like it once did.

I've realized that I have spent the last four years of my life trying to fill this void. Trying to make myself part of a duo again. I've found pain, and love, slept around and then dated a best friend and failed to fill this. I could not conceptualize myself as my own person. I needed to be part of a duo.

What do you do when the other half of your soul rips themselves from you?

My fatal flaw has always been loyalty. But what do you do when those you are loyal to tell you that they no longer need nor want your loyalty. That your loyalty is unwanted and horrendous.

I've always been the best friend. Your rock. I change my plans to support you. What was I to do when you suddenly said you no longer needed a rock?

My twin did not want to be my twin any longer.

Something dies inside when you lose your half. I am what's left when a twin leaves.

I realize now that my pain and my feeling of being lost stems from this. I lost an integral part of myself and have been trying to fill it since.

To tell the truth, I am terrified. I. I don't know if I'm capable of standing on my own. I've never had to stand on my own.

See, the thing is I always knew as someone who is aromantic that the friends I held so close would one day move on to romantic relationships but the thing is I never expected to lose it at eighteen. I never could have guessed I could not get it back.

I knew even back then that the separation would kill me and it did! It did kill me. I am not who I once was. I knew it would be heart-wrenching but I always thought it could be survivable. Or I could just die. I must stand alone now.

I did try to die and it didn't work and now I am twenty-two and I'm lost because I always knew myself as one half of a whole and now I realize that I must be whole all by myself.

I was so sure of myself. So confident. Even while dying inside I would still push through no matter what because I knew! I knew I had someone beside me that I must be stronger for. But now the only person I must be strong for is myself. And I still don't know if I am worth being strong for.

I have to do this for me. But where do I put my loyalty? Where does my fealty go? Where do I put my advice? Where do I sacrifice myself? What do I do when I'm not needed? What if nobody ever needs me? Who am I to protect? I was defined by my sword but they told me to retire. I am only one half. Nobody taught me how to be whole.

I'm scared. Being whole means being alone. I never wanted to be alone. I am lost.

[ludmilachaibemachado]

Mal Evans, George Harrison and Pattie Boyd, 1968🌸🌸🌸

Via @dailypattieboyd_ on Instagram🌸