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rosesnink · 1 month ago

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The Penitent and the Lamb

Author's Notes

Surprise, @gaiuskamilah ! I'm your Secret Pal! I think it's either destiny or Dani's @choicesfandomappreciation 's matchmaking genius that has brought us together in this exchange, which is my fave exchange! I've enjoyed your content, meta and outwordly art for a while, and I am more than glad to have written this delicious puece of Niaerin! Your content is always so unique and intricate, with an incredible attention to detail and every relationship you write is soo rich in complexity, it's simply a treat to come into your blog! I hope this little piece makes justice to your vision and that you enjoy a major toxic yuri fic made specifically for you <3. Love, Noe

English isn't my first language, so please forgive any typos/grammar mistakes

This piece is rated +18, if you're a minor I'd advise you to not interact with this piece. Trigger warnings will be placed and tagged accordingly

If you like my Blades content, feel free to check out my masterlist and to ask for a place in the taglist!

This is my first time writing smut, so please bear with me lsjehdiebvudulkw

The F!Aerin sprite credit goes to the insanely talented @zhoras-bitch who was kind enough to let me borrow her edit for this ❤

Summary: Nia and Aerinae's journey has been no short of trouble and complex, but they keep coming back to the other like a moth to a flame, even if it kills them

Word Count: 4.9k

Category: Fantasy, dark romance, LGBTQA+

Pairing: Nia Ellarious x Aerinae Valleros (F!Aerin)

TW: Smut, themes of violence, kidnapping, strong language and religious themes such as religious trauma, guilt, among others. Reader's discretion is advised

Book: Blades of Light and Shadow Trilogy

Nia barely remembers her parents. She remembers that her mother smelled of cinnamon, that she loved to pick flowers for her hair and had auburn hair, flowing down till her waist, with beautiful emerald green eyes and a penchant for books. Her father, however, was a shy and quiet man, with brown skin and pensive brown eyes, always looking for a brilliant idea for his job. Then, she remembers the robed people in the temple, how they talked to her parents. How she remembers showing magical affinity. Saying goodbye. Hearing her mother cry out “Oh, my, oh my girl! Don’t take her from me! She is my girl! My firstborn child! Please!” She’d never see her again.

And when she asked Scholar Vash about her, he told her she had died from an illness, and that her father followed shortly after. Then, before Brienne, before Aerinae ruined her, she remembers small but meaningful flashbacks.

In one of the classes with her fellow acolytes, her professor told them “To give in to the sins of flesh is to sin, and to sin is to be led astray from the temple. You have all one mission, one thing to worship: the Light. It is all you have, all you need. People will come and go. Kings and lords will die, but all that matters is the Light.”

Or when they eventually grew up into teenagers full of questions… and questionable acts. One of their professors was furiously whipping two girls, their backs bare as they screamed “Foolish girls! How dare you turn back from the Light?! How many times have we told you the consequences of—of sinful fornication! Priests and priestesses are above the needs of the flesh! You two are banned for the Temple.” They were never seen again. Nia still wonders if they made it out of the Temple’s reach… or if Solerne found them, and took care of them.

Vash placed a hand on a seventeen-year-old Nia “You are progressing more than the year. You are very powerful, my child. More than we have seen in decades. And one day, you will do something great, and the Temple will reward you with its greatest gift: immortality.” “Immortality?” “Not that kind. The kind that your name will be written all over the history books, songs and legends. Many great priests and priestesses will come and go after you are gone, but only the name Nia Ellarious will remain.”

Or her worst memory, one of the last with Vash… when Brienne came into her life. Vash talked to her while Brienne and her brother teased one another “Nia, my child, don’t you think I haven’t seen the way that… adventurer looks at you… and your responses.” “Scholar Vash?” “She is an unusual beauty, but remember that a priestess like you is above the needs of the flesh. Let her look, but not touch. Your body belongs to the Light, not some mercenary.” “…Understood, Scholar Vash.”

That had been her life. Books, classes, training, and then the pilgrimage. But now, she was on a quest. A quest that led her to meet a beautiful and sweet princess, Aerinae. She saw how she and Brienne were talking, and a pang of jealousy came over her. Jealousy… or guilt? Priestesses were above the needs of the flesh. Then why did she want them both? She shook her head, and when Brienne went ahead to talk to Tyril, she didn’t miss a beat on talking to Aerinae on the pond. This time, she allowed herself to truly take her in: light skin, striking brown eyes, an elegant, long neck, a red dress decorated with a delicate tiara of the Valleros dynasty, with fine bone structure and plump, tempting lips, but most of all, a maddeningly enticing essence of rosewater and cherry blossoms. Taking a deep breath, she gave the quieter princess a smile “She is just lovely, isn’t she?”

The princess fidgeted with her hand, which was made of long, elegant fingers, which looked smooth, even though the middle one had a small bump. Of writing and reading so much, no doubt. The idea of the princess in her nightgown reading with her hair down—which now was in an elaborate, braided updo—was tempting, and Nia had to swallow such desires. Your body belongs to the Light.

“She is… different. You, however… are the odd one out.”

Nia blushed and mumbled “Everyone seems to know everything, and I…”

Aerinae gave her a gentle smile “I know what it’s like. To not truly belong. When you are the only daughter of a king, that weight… is unbearable. My brother is the strongest, the most handsome, the fittest… and a man. No matter what I do, or how well I prove myself, all I can think is… all they see is my gender. They do not see—Never mind. I’ve… accepted my fate,” she sounded now angry, resentful, but mostly… lonely. Lonely and scared. “They’ll marry me to some lord as old as time to ensure their house’s loyalty, and all I’ll do is be confined in a small, cold room, giving birth to heir after heir. It’s… all I’ve been trained to do. The life I am meant to.”

“That is… Gods, that’s cruel. Surely your father—,”

“Sees me as a liability. I am nearing my prime age for marriage. Not one lord seems to be interested in me, all they see is… the bloody crown and my royal womb. It’s… humiliating. Degrading, even.”

Nia took her hands in hers and squeezed them “I am sorry. Perhaps I could talk with the High Priest? Surely they’ll let you come to the priesthood. You wouldn’t be the first princess to join our ranks.” She beamed “We’d be sisters, you and I. Wouldn’t you like that?”

Aerinae flinched and yanked off her hands, breathing suddenly heavily “It is too late. The plan to… to marry me to someone is set into motion.”

“Aerinae—,”

“My brother is calling me.”

Before she could say anything, she was gone.

She had done it, Aerinae thought. As she dragged Nia through the halls of the castle, she thought she’d feel fulfilled. She had killed her brother, her kin, who often mocked that women couldn’t trounce men. They were too weak, too meek, too stupid to hold a sword. All they were good for was pleasing their husbands and raise their children. Nothing more. It had been… incredible. Watching him gawk at her like an idiot when she ran him through. He had died at her hands. The hands of the woman he mocked, tore down and often even abused in many levels. Slapping her. Dragging her by the hair. Daring his friends to tell her that he liked her. Went as far as to send one drunken man to her chambers when she was changing, him saying that she’d do anything for a sack of three silver coins. She had been terrified that night, and all she could hear was her brother’s boisterous laughter. But now it had been his turn to be scared, and he had died scared.

Then why don’t I feel like my purpose has been met?

Brienne’s gaze full of horror haunted her yet again. For a moment, she thought that she wanted her still. But no. Her heart was too set into the Light. She did not see what she saw, she was far too sheltered in her little village, with a loving brother and father. They were not kin. Dr. Kerrigan was an old medic, Kade was a human, and Brienne an orc. If they shared next to no blood bounds, who come it was so damn easy for them to love one another? Why not her? Why. Not. Her?!

No matter, she thought. She had the Dreadlord and the court. They were her family now. A little odd, but far stranger things had been seen.

“Aerinae… please… what of the kiss we shared? Of the feelings exchanged?”

Aerinae flinched. As Brienne disappeared, Nia had found the princess’ chambers, and the two had kissed for the first time… in ever.

“…I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”

Aerinae observed her, trying to ignore the pain of the stone in her chest “And what of Brienne? You two seemed cozy.”

“Not more than you.”

There was no jealousy, or possessiveness. Just a thrill that shouldn’t be there.

“I do not mind sharing. The Temple taught us to be generous.” She saw Nia flush under that statement. Aerinae chuckled.

“If kings and princesses can have two or more mistresses at once, why not princesses?”

Nia bit her lip “Is… that what I am, Aerinae? A mere mistress?”

She shook her head and tentatively reached for her, stroking her cheek “No. That is the problem. You are… so much more. It is maddening, how drawn I am to you. To you both.”

Then, she remembered the many romance books she read at night under her pillow, a small candle lighting it. Then prince kissed the woman, and their tongues danced. But instead, their noses bumped, and both women winced and chuckled.

“Let me, Your Highness…”

They kissed. For the first time, she felt… alive. It felt right. Her hands went to her hair, smelling cinnamon and Light. Tomorrow, she’d be her lamb. Today, she was her paramour, kissing her at everybody’s backs, not caring if anyone else could watch her. The betrayal would be a tomorrow issue. Tonight, she wanted to see what made a priestess of the light feel like a sinner repenting in a church after a passionate night.

“Do I mean so little to you?”

“You don’t… but it’s too late.”

Nia went back to screaming and thrashing.

When Nia sacrificed herself, she knew she’d die. As she closed her eyes and Brienne let out a blood-curling scream, she could see and feel two things; the last memories of her life, from looking at Brienne for the first time, to Aerinae, to Brienne again as her heartbeats stopped. Then, a flick of Shadow and Light inside her, pulling her back to life.

Then, it was all a blissful blur. Capturing Aerinae, being awarded, and finally being in Brienne’s arms, and my, that was a bigger delight than any other delicacy in the world. It felt like they were two little hermits in their own abandoned church, worshipping one another as their mouths and hands entangled between them, the balcony being a testifier of the moans and writhes, Nia’s name sounding like the most sacred of prayers as her tongue moves against her, their hips rocking and her hands trembling of bliss, such celestial bliss, she felt like reaching the sky. She felt like a goddess, Nifara perhaps, and Brienne was her most loyal and beloved subject, on her knees, beautiful and her body full of her love and desire. And Nia, while clueless of what to do, nevertheless followed her instincts. Her primal instincts.

Months ago, she would’ve been afraid of being whipped like those two girls, but now she did not care. She was a heroine in her own right, and all she wanted was to make the confident Brienne squirm and moan her name with abandon and devotion. Many said that fornication led to corruption, but she had never felt more alive or holier than now. She was now on her knees, watching the most beautiful woman she had ever seen against the balcony, her incredibly striking body naked and wanting for her, her legs spread out, her knees trembling as her legs drove her inside of her as humanly possible, her head lolled back as she begged for more. It reminded her of her prayers. Full of incantation, reverence, devotion and need. For it to be real. To exist. To do something about it. The Gods may be real or not, but Brienne was real. She was real, she existed, and she was panting and moaning her name, something unheard of Nia a few months ago, she though, as she devoured her like she was her last meal before dying. And my, she has never had a sweeter and more delectable meal.

But it all crumbled down when, a few days later, Brienne was taken of her for a whole year, and her coming back would change forever the world as she knew it.

It had happened after Brienne was gone. It had been a terrible day, and on top of it, she had found a corset of Aerinae’s lost in a dressing room. It all came crumbling back. And then… Shadow.

It happened as fast as she came. She roared and turned the corset to dust, before realising what she had done and looked at herself in the mirror. The panicked scream was so loud, it woke a few guards. Explaining it had been awkward to say the least.

She now had Shadow in her. The Shadow imposed by the Dreadlord. By Aerinae.

And she knew nothing of how to rid of it.

“What do you mean, it’s gone?!” Nia cried, and flinched on how high-pitched her voice sounded.

“We don’t know, Priestess. We woke up, the room was covered in smoke, and all we could see was the princess bare and shadowless.”

She looked at the guards “Has she been clothed and fed?”

“Of course! She is still a princess, after all. The king hopes for redemption on her part, perhaps by marriage.”

She gritted her teeth. Whoever the king hoped to marry her to, she hated him already “…Good. That is all. Goodnight.”

As the group argued over the recluse princess joining the party, Nia couldn’t help but observe her, seeing if she had any trace of Shadow in her. Nada. Zilch. Like it was never there.

But it was. Once. And she’d get the truth from her.

“Aerinae… how?”

“How what? How do I look this devastatingly good for a fallen princess?”

Nia thought of screaming at her, but instead took a deep breath “How did you get rid of the Shadow? Is it… possible?”

The princess shuffled in her feet “It is possible. But… it takes a lot of energy. It is a painful and arduous process.”

She was about to ask the question when Mal called ahead. She sighed. She would revisit this later.

Sealing the first rift had taken a great effort, and stumbling upon the party for Brienne had been just what the group needed: to let loose, to breathe and be able to convince themselves that the worst was over. Brienne was back, and they were reunited with their usual business, even if it was a perilous one.

Watching Brienne and Aerinae go elsewhere together made her understand that everything was changing, again, and that she was far behind. She could notice Tyril staring at her too, but who wouldn’t? She overheard many drunks comment that everyone looked at Brienne because of her height and the massive bulge of her breasts, but that was not it. It was the radiance she exuded, her incredible charisma and the presence she commanded, inspiring and admiring, drawing everyone to her. And of course Aerinae and Tyril were drawn to her. What fool wouldn’t?

However, her being the last person she went to… it meant everything. No matter how many people, it was her bed she ended up in. But she had felt guilty of seeing Aerinae as Brienne left to see Tyril.

“Aerinae—,”

“I know you have questions. But… it is a lovely day. The sun is out, people are dancing and drinking. Just… let us be two women in the temple where everything seemed to start, a fallen princess and… and the most beautiful woman she’s ever seen.”

“Wouldn’t that be Brienne?”

Aerinae stroked her hair “Brienne is as pretty as the sea: feminine, raw, strong, fluid and wise. You, Nia, are the Light made woman: pure, holy, full of calm and… home. You are… a lifeline everybody holds on. Something I’ve desired but couldn’t have. But…”

“But?”

“The Dreadlord’s gone. My brother’s gone. My Shadow is gone. All I have left is my desire to sink to my knees and make up for what I did to you. To us.”

Nia reddened, not in embarrassment, but something more “You… want it to give it a go? Despite everything?”

“Yes.” She said in a raw, desperate, wanting tone.

A silent agreement came between them: no more talk. Let their buried feelings come back to life. Soon, their mouths collided again, and Nia expertly undid her top, revealing her breasts, and cornered Aerinae against the altar, panting and swallowing “That… was unexpected.” Nia smiled knowingly.

“I’ve changed much since the wide-eyed priestess you met at the lake. I intend to leave you in bed for the rest of the night.” She had surprised herself at saying that. It was most unbecoming of a priestess, but the feeling she had been feeling since the Dreadlord, a certain daring feeling seeping into her system made her bolder, much bolder than ever.

“I am yours to take, Nia.” She whimpered as Nia traced her exposed curves.

She was about to when Nia felt it. Her Shadow coming back to her, her mind betraying her: she was about to make love to someone who made a fool of herself, kidnapped her, made her lover kill her and then left her to deal with the consequences. Then, the noise of unwanted company came, and all Nia could do was leave, wanting nothing more than to rid herself of that angry voice in her head since the Dreadlord had taken over her.

Aerinae called her, but she kept running.

That night, Aerinae left. And they were all off to Zaradun, where everything they had planned fell apart.

Seeing Brienne, all battered and bruised, powerless against Valax did it. All she could think was: get your filthy fingers off my Brienne.

And she did. By binding them together, Brienne wouldn’t harm her, and she’d be safe from her and her claws. But she would be lying if she didn’t want to crush Valax into smithereens every time she and Brienne came close.

The final rift was in Whitetower, and chances that she’d see Aerinae were very high. And she did. She wanted to jump and smack her for… everything, but she contained herself. Defeating the Ash Empress, nay, the Mother of Grey was more important.

And they did. And, for once, Nia was herself: strong, powerful, fearless and at last herself.

The days that followed, Nia wanted to process it all. And adapt to her new self, fused with both Shadow and Light magic. True Magic.

The Realms were now bound together, and everything felt different. It felt… right. Aerinae went over with the goblins often, only visiting others. Visiting Brienne. They both loved her, and Brienne loved them. At least, she knew for sure she loved her. Aerinae? That was her business. She had apologized to her for everything, and every time, she had accepted her apology, but didn’t quite feel ready to actually forgive her. Not yet.

However, it was quite thrilling, watching her being protective and grovelling over her over and over. She was still a penitent, but Nia was no longer a lamb. She was now a lioness who had come back from the dead and was ready for anything the world threw at her.

And then, the world threw her the most agonizing death by the Winged Warrior, conventionally leaving Brienne for last. Aerinae and Nia had tried to protect her, but all they could do was watch in horror as Brienne was left to die last.

The journey towards the City of No Faces was gruelling, and as The End tried to find a reasoning on why they were killed, Nia went to a small building to pray, or just breathe. She’d decide on the way.

Then, as she was about to cross the threshold, she noticed Aerinae had followed her, reluctant about it. Nia sighed, telling her that she was welcome there as well. They sat, and Nia noticed that there was a massive statue of what looked like Nifara. Nifara, who had been cruel, who had separated the realms and probably compelled the temple to its corruption and everything else.

“Look, Nia, I… am not ready to share how I got rid of my shadow, although you wear it with grace. It’s… hard for me, to talk about. I will, someday, but… I want to let you know, had it all led to this…”

“It is too late, Aerinae. We are dead, there is no turning back, and you cannot fix what is no more.”

Aerinae sighed and bit her lip “You didn’t deserve that, Nia. I… felt dirty, back when I… dragged you there. To the altar. A voice in my head told me to stop, to not go there, to turn back and return you to Brienne.”

“Did you know?” She finally asked, after a year and months of asking herself every night “That I was the one the Dreadlord was seeking all along? Was all of… that to lure me?”

“No! Gods, no. Not even then I’d be so heartless, Nia. It was all real. The kisses, the desire, the longing… it was real. It is real.

“I… want to believe you.”

She confidently cupped her face in her hands “Let me show you.” And she kissed her. But not like before. There were no secrets, no reluctance, no guilt. This was Aerinae, and she was kissing her with her true self. With her cheekiness, sarcasm, and that penance she only showed her. Everyone else got a sardonic, spoiled and impassive princess, but Nia had something not even Brienne could have: a penitent, remorseful and apologetic woman who’d do anything for her forgiveness. She was a penitent sinner who had come to her temple to earn her forgiveness, and for once, she was not the sacrificial lamb, but the goddess who had all the power to tell her exactly how to earn her forgiveness.

She pulled her back, and observed the face she blindly trusted and was betrayed and possessed by, and anger alongside desire came through her “Disrobe yourself.” Her voice was commanding, and Nia observed how she did as she was told with big, begging brown eyes that asked her for mercy. She wouldn’t give it easily. For once, she’d have to work for it. Her chemise fell, and could observe her body. It was nothing like Brienne, fluffy and full of curves and meaty and emerald. Aerinae was paler, her brown hair cascading down till her knees, and trembling with cold and desire. “Undress me.” She did it without any sarcastic remark, and tried to kiss her, but Nia stopped her “No kissing. Not unless I tell you to.” She loved having Brienne under her, but this was not Brienne. This was Aerinae, who had taken her human autonomy from her, and would make her see how it felt.

“On your knees.”

Aerinae made a pleading sound as she sank to her knees, and looked up from her eyelashes to Nia, wanting to have her. “Beg.”

“I want you, Nia.”

“You can do better than that, Aerinae. Beg.”

“Please, Nia, please, let me have you…”

“Will you do everything I say?” She asked as she placed a finger inside her mouth.

“Yes…”

“Everything?” She asked as she inserted a second finger.

“Everything.” She moaned, and deep down, Nia smirked to herself.

She then went towards the altar, and Aerinae tried to walk with her, but Nia pushed her down “I don’t recall telling you to get up.”

“…Where has this Nia been?” Aerinae asked, surprised yet delighted to see a new side of the priestess.

Nia simply smiled and sat on the altar, spreading her legs like Brienne did back then, and beckoned Aerinae, who gladly crawled to her, desperate. To have her. To prove how sorry she was. To show that she was a changed woman. And tonight, she’d be the final judge of that.

“May I?” She asked as her face neared her centre.

“You may.”

Aerinae kissed her calves sensually, her hands gripping her thighs, and slowly went to her outer thighs, building tension. Nia’s hands went to her hair and gripped it, giving it a firm tug, and Aerinae threw back her head, a whimper of pain and pleasure rumbling through the deserted temple. She kissed her lips, and Nia threw her head back, moans and whimpers of pleasure taking over her. The lamb everyone mocked was dead, and she was now a goddess, and had her most devout worshipper on her knees, doing the most intimate and sacred ritual to earn back her favour after falling from grace for the highest heresy.

Finding her throbbing pearl, and Nia let out a loud moan, working on her wonderfully, and when Nia saw that she tried to pleasure herself as well, she meowed “No. Not yet. You’ll get it when I say so.”

Aerinae nodded dutifully and went back to eat her like there wasn’t a tomorrow, kissing and licking and gobbling it like a child with sweets, not caring of the mess they were making, moaning with pleasure and abandon, shamelessly rocking her hips against her head, revelling in the desperate feeling of being forgiven, but never giving it to her. It was the best feeling, finally getting to get a say on what to do instead of thinking ‘What would the Temple say?’ But she had drifted from that kind of Temple a long time ago. ‘Fuck the Temple’. She now wanted to fuck her anger out on Aerinae, and she would. Gods be damned if it was sinful.

And my, whoever taught Aerinae, they had done a good job, for she soon reached her peak and cried out loudly, trembling as her eyes rolled out, seeing white. After taking a few deep breaths, she jumped out of the temple and threw Aerinae fully to the floor, Nia straddling her. Then, Aerinae asked “Does Brienne now? About us?”

“I don’t think so.”

Then, instead of asking, she just said “You love her. I love her. And she loves us. What if she discovers us and we break her heart?”

“Or perhaps she’ll join us. Now quiet. It’s hard to make you scream if you’re talking.”

With one hand, she placed her hands above her head, and with the other, she teased the sensitive flesh “You took me for a fool,” she finally said after so fucking long as her fingers stroked her “you betrayed me and threw me to the wolves like a lamb for them to kill me and watched like a fucking coward.” Both desire and anger were boiling out of her as Aerinae panted and whimpered at her merciless strokes, thrusting into her with a strength that seemed to elate her.

“And I, ah, regret every minute of it.” She panted, rocking against her fingers, her eyes always on her “If I could turn back, I… I would.”

“Prove it.”

She met her halfway, kissing her, almost devouring each other with more than mere passion. Resentment. Grief. Anger. Penance. The desire to start anew.

Then, finally having earned her mercy, let her hands go. Her best one went to her pearl again, and the other cupped her breasts, pinching and grabbing shamelessly, and Nia arched back at the feeling, both their moans echoing the whole chamber. Nia lolled her head back at the door, and saw an incredulous Brienne at the threshold. But they didn’t stop. That enticed them even more. The woman they both loved, finally seeing the truth. She could swear that she saw desire and intrigue in her eyes before leaving, and Nia only wished to continue, their throe of passion more scalding than ever, a much-needed boost that made it by far the most sensual and riveting performance in their short and inexperienced life. Crying out and Aerinae soon following, they both fell to the floor, panting, catching their breath.

“Does… does that mean… that you… forgive me?”

She took a deep, steady breath “No… but… you are… on a good path.”

“And… Brienne?”

“Later. I… wish… a few more minutes.”

After a few more minutes, they both went back to where Brienne was, probably trying to make sense of it. They both sat at each side of her, and Brienne finally looked at them.

“When did this happen?” She wasn’t angry or jealous. Simply wanted to know how, when.

“Back at the lake,” Aerinae answered “and then… it just spiralled from there.”

Nia took her hand “I still love you, Brienne. But Aerinae and I… we are bound together as well.”

Brienne nodded, then took a deep breath “Do you love each other?”

“…We crave each other. The one we love is you.”

She was about to say something when Mal’s voice ringed out and Brienne got up.

“Well, I also am involved to the one who kidnapped me and tortured me once. I am the last person that should judge. As long as there are no more lies or deceit… you have my blessing.”

And then, she left.

They looked at each other, and held their gazes. No longer the princess and the poor lamb. The penitent and the lamb turned legend.

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