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ronance4everbrainrot · 3 months ago

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GLAAAASSSSSHEAAAART INCORRECT QUOTESSSSSS. because I missed them (long?)

(and other ships)

Red: You’d be stupid to lay a hand on me.

Chloe: Oh, you’d be surprised how much stupid shit I do.

(Fight of our lives basically)

---

Red: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake.

Mal: You are literally making a Valentine’s day card for Chloe.

Red, pointing their hot glue gun towards Mal: You’re on thin fucking ice.

(canon)

-now Chloe and her Mentor-

Chloe: How do I make a date really romantic?

Evie: Be mysterious.

Chloe: Okay!

*later, while on a date with Red*

Red: So where are we going?

Chloe: None of your fucking business.

(Red teases her about it on their next dates)

---

Mal: Evie, I know you love Chloe. I mean, we all do, they’re a very nice person and I respect them immensely.

Mal: But I think they might be a fucking idiot.

(she's the smartest dumbass. or dumbest smartass?)

---

Red: How do you know how to kiss? Like who teaches you?

Chloe: Well it’s actually a class, but unfortunately it’s full right now.

Chloe: Would you like me to tutor you?

Evie: That was smooth.

(Evie is proud. Mal is losing 20 bucks. why? Bet)

---

Red: Do you want to know your gay name?

Chloe: My... my gay name?

Red: Yeah, it's your first name-

Chloe: Haha. Very funny Red-

Red: *gets down on one knee* And my last name.

Chloe: Oh- oh my god.

(Mal, proud: Now that was smooth)

---

Mal: Why are you guys acting like this?

Red: Oh, we're not acting. We really are like this.

(sigh)

---

Evie: Mal? I mixed redbull with coffee and now I can see sounds, should I worry?

Mal: Evie, I swear to god—

(Evie. Stop doing that. You need sleep don't overwork yourself. I love her Qvq)

---

Kidnapper: I have your partner.

Mal: What? I don't have a partner...

Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?

Mal: Oh my god, you have Evie.

(the good old Isle days)

---

Celia : I am a ninja.

Mal: No, you’re not.

Celia : Did you see me do that?

Mal: Do what?

Celia : Exactly.

(canon)

---

Mal: Hey, can you do me a favor?

Celia : Sorry, I have to go do literally anything other than this.

Mal: You don’t even have a legitimate reason?

Celia : Oh, no, I do.

Mal: Well, what is it?

Celia : You see, I simply don’t give a fuck.

(she loves to annoy Mal. Little annoying sister. Canon)

---

Celia: We’ve found the person who stole your identity and was impersonating you.

Dizzy: Where were they?

Celia: Eating cheetos and crying in their car.

Dizzy, impressed: Damn, they really went for it.

(it was Uma, wasn't it? That's literally canon XD)

---

Celia: Here comes the lightning!

Celia, whispering: You've got to imagine it coming out my fingertips, wherein I am an almighty wizard.

Dizzy: Ok, currently imagining that. Hmm, not bad. Not bad at all.

(and they were roommates, your Honor) (wow they were roommates) (The bestest of friends)

---

Red: N... No!

Celia: A fair rebuttal. However, consider this counterpoint: Y... Yes???

(Red is trying to deny her crush on Chloe. Ha.)

---

Dizzy: What, I can’t be in a bad mood? It’s like people think, “Oh, Dizzy is such a nice person, Dizzy is so happy-go-lucky! Dizzy can’t be in a bad mood!” Well, you know what? Dizzy CAN be in a bad mood. And right now, Dizzy IS be in a bad mood.

(Yas Queen. Queen of Mean? So last season. Queen of Bad Mood? So in!)

---

Mal: You tricked me!

Audrey: I deceived you. ‘Trick’ makes it sound like we have a friendly relationship.

(Maybe Queen of Mean isn't so last season.)

---

Dizzy: Comparing Audrey and Mal is like comparing apples and oranges.

Mal: We’re both unique in our own ways?

Dizzy: Apples are superior in every way and all oranges should be eliminated.

Audrey: Which one of us is the orange? (It's me, isn't it?)

(Damn Dizzy. Queen of Bad Mood taking the lead)

---

*the squad is at a dinner party but someone has been murdered*

Chloe: You’re acting pretty carefree for someone who’s life’s at stake. Who’s to say you aren’t the killer?

Evie: It’s a murder, not a tax audit. I’ll be fine.

Red: What about Dizzy? Nobody ever suspects Dizzy!

Dizzy: Well what about Audrey? They have a gun!

Audrey: Celia has a knife.

Celia : Yeah, for fun, not for murder! *stabs Red in the arm*

(where is Uma? oh-. I bet it was Audrey. How else do you show you love someone? They are having their Killing Eve moment)

---

Audrey: You’re such a dumbass (affectionate).

Uma: Aww, you’re such a whore (complimentary).

Mal: How are you talking like that in real life?

Uma: Witchcraft (derogatory).

(canon. They late/hove each other)

---

Dizzy, talking about Evie: They're trying to lure me into a false sense of security! Well, joke’s on them! I’ve never been secure in my life! And I’m not about to start now!

(before Evie got through to her on the Isle 🥲)

---

Mal: *running towards Celia with open arms*

Celia: *moves out of the way*

Mal: Hey, why'd you move?!

Celia: I thought you were going to attack me.

Mal: I was going to hug you!

Celia: Why would you hug me?

Mal: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

(OOF. Lol)

---

Celia : I love being right. It’s one of my favorite personality traits.

(yuh)

---

Mal: Wow, this sucks. I’m gonna kill *remembers that suicide jokes only worsen your mental health and that the first step to healing is stopping* you.

(she's getting there. Go queen)

-will add more of the boys in the next one-

Carlos: Are you laughing at that video of Ben and Harry fighting?

Jay: No.

Jay: I'm laughing at the comments.

(the comments saying "Ha! Gaaaay" etc.)

---

Carlos: You don't need my blessing to go kiss Jay. In fact, I was pretty sure you were already kissing Jay!

Gil: Nope.

Carlos: In that case, as the archbishop of Gil's fully awakened gaydom, I give you my blessing to immediately leave and rectify that as soon as possible! Go now, my child, and kiss Jay right on the lips!!!

(Damn Carlos. Yes. Thanks for helping Gil. Everyone needs Carlos as a best friend)

---

Harry: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on Jay without them noticing?

Gil: Hey, Jay, I bet you 5 bucks that you can't swallow this penny.

Jay: *takes and swallows tracker* Pay up, loser.

Harry: ...

(same Harry, same. But then again not that surprised)

---

Now this is for @corgiplays for context here

Chloe: Earl, I sense hostility.

Earl: Good, because I hate you.

(accurate?)

---

Earl, entering the room: *Sees Chloe and leaves*

Chloe, watching Earl leave: There’s my monthly dose of the Cat…

(Earl didn't leave before pushing one of Chloe's things tho)

---

Chloe: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?

Red: For the dogs.

Chloe: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?

Red: They don't know how.

(I want Red to be able to cook lol. That can't even be a headcanon tho, that has to be an AU lol)

---

Earl: Just so everyone knows, don't ever try to climb a tree at night carrying a strobe light, owls DON'T like it.

Biscuit: ...what happened?

Earl: I made a VERY bad mistake.

(Oof)

---

Biscuit: Don’t be sad!

Red: Why not?

Biscuit:

Biscuit: I don’t have a good answer.

(Red acts like she can understand him. Imagine his responses lol. But she basically can)

---

Chloe: When I first met you, I did not like you.

Earl: I'm aware of that.

Chloe: But then you and I had some time together.

Earl: Uh-huh?

Chloe: It did not get better.

(It did. Stop lying. Also Chloe does the same thing as Red. I mean honestly who doesn't talk to their little furry friends.)

---

Red: You don't know anything about me!

Biscuit: I know EVERYTHING about you! You are an open book written for very dumb children!

(Damn. If Red could actually understand him she'd be flabbergasted)

--and just because I love it so much. Here is that one again

Chloe, gently nudging Earl aside with their foot: Earl, move out of the way so I don’t trip on you.

Earl, her eyes enormous: You kick Cat? You kick their body like the football? Oh! Oh! Jail for Chloe! Jail for Chloe for one thousand years!

(she is purposely laying in the way tho. And then acts like Chloe hurt her when Red hears her distressed meows)

---

That's it

Hope you liked it.

Byeeee

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anonymousewrites · 20 days ago

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Apple of My Eye Chapter One

Eventual! Harry Hook x Child of Snow White! Reader

Chapter One: Be Our Guest

Summary: The VKs arrive at Auradon, and (Y/N) is determined to show them that they want to be friends.

“I can’t believe he’s really going through with this,” said Audrey.

“Ben doesn’t go back on his word,” said (Y/N). “That’s not who he is.”

They stood on the lawn outside of Auradon Prep. Ben was still getting ready Fairy Godmother. Everyone was nervous (and Fairy Godmother because of this whole idea being “dangerous,” Ben because if it went wrong it was his fault as king-to-be, and the students because who were these “Villain Kids”). Still, people were curious, so they’d come to greet the VKs (standing back to give the limousine room). The band was the closest. (Y/N) and Audrey stood right behind them.

Audrey huffed and smoothed out her skirt. She wore a pink dress with gold embellishments and a blue cardigan. It was a carefully presented princess look with the accents of her parentage.

(Y/N) wasn’t much better, though they were more relaxed. Audrey wanted—she had bragged about it—to show the VKs what royalty here with the heroes looked like. (Y/N) just wanted to look put-together, even if they, like other kids, favored their parent’s colors and motif. Today they wore jeans, a white blouse, and a royal blue vest overtop. Three hearts were stitched on the vest in red, and a red bow kept their hair out of their face. Finally, they wore a gold and white necklace with a small red apple charm, their favorite accessory.

“I still don’t like it,” said Audrey. “I don’t trust them.”

“We don’t know them,” reminded (Y/N).

“Whatever.” Audrey plastered a smile on her face as Ben came out with Fairy Godmother. “It’s not me who’s stuck with them forever. You’re so unlucky.”

“I volunteered,” said (Y/N), smiling with just as much politeness as Audrey.

“Everyone ready?” said Ben, watching the limo enter the grounds.

“As we’ll ever be,” said Fairy Godmother with a strained smile.

The driver opened the door of the limo, and two boys came tumbling out—Carlos, son of Cruella de Ville, and Jay, son of Jafar. After them, not scrambling and fighting on the ground, two girls stepped out—Mal, daughter of Maleficent, and Evie, daughter of the Evil Queen. ((Y/N) had made sure to know who they were).

The band stopped playing as everyone watched the fighting.

“Ow, stop!” said Carlos. “You got everything else, why do you want whatever this is?!”

“ ‘Cause you want it,” said Jay.

“Give it to me!” said Carlos.

Fairy Godmother stepped forward as the band nervously parted.

“Guys, guys, guys,” said Mal, grabbing their attention. “We have an audience.” She put on a smile. “Just cleaning up.”

“Get up,” said Jay, pulling Carlos to his feet.

“Leave it like you found it,” said Fairy Godmother in a sing-song voice. “And by that I mean just leave it.”

Jay and Carlos shoved the stolen technology back in the limo while Mal smiled tersely and Evie smiled brightly.

“Hello, foxy,” said Jay, grinning at Audrey. “The name’s Jay.” He winked.

Audrey laughed nervously. She had to admit Jay was attractive.

“Welcome to Auradon Prep,” said Fairy Godmother before the situation could get weirder. “I’m Fairy Godmother, Headmistress.”

“The Fairy Godmother?” said Mal. “As in, ‘Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo?’ ”

“Bibbidi-Bobbidi you know it,” said Fair Godmother.

“Yeah, I always wondered what it felt like for Cinderella when you just appeared, out of nowhere, with that sparkly wand and warm smile,” said Mal. “And that sparkling wand.” She really reiterated the word.

“That was a long time ago,” said Fairy Godmother. “And as I always say, ‘Don’t focus on the past or you’ll miss the future.’ ”

“It’s so good to finally meet you all,” said Ben, smiling and stepping forward. “I’m Ben.”

“Prince Benjamin,” said Audrey. “Soon to be king.” She smiled condescendingly as Ben shifted at her tone.

“You had me at prince,” said Evie. “My mom’s a queen. Which makes me princess.”

“The Evil Queen has no royal status here,” said Audrey with a simpering smile. Evie’s face fell. “And neither do you.”

Ben chuckled awkwardly. “This is Audrey.”

“Princess Audrey,” she corrected him. She took his hand. “His girlfriend. Right, Bennyboo?”

Ben just smiled awkwardly and cleared his throat. “And this is (Y/N).”

“Or, as Audrey would introduce me, ‘their Highness’ (Y/N),” they joked with an exaggerated eyeroll and a smile. That got a small a snort from Mal and a light smile from Evie.

“Ben, Audrey, and (Y/N) are going to show you all around,” said Fairy Godmother. “And I’ll see you tomorrow. The doors of wisdom are never shut! But the library hours are from 8:00 to 11:00. And as you may have heard, I have a little thing about curfews.”

Everyone laughed politely as she walked off.

“I always say she should extend the hours to midnight if she wants to make that joke,” said (Y/N), smiling.

That joke was a bit better, and it relaxed Ben enough to clap his hands and step forward. “It’s so, so, so good to finally meet you all.” He reached to shake Jay’s hand, and Jay punched him (in a friendly manner) in the shoulder. Then he shook Mal’s hand. He slowed and looked at her for a long moment.

(Y/N) tilted their head. Huh.

“This is a momentous occasion,” started Ben again. “And one that I hope will go down in history…” He shook Carlo’s hands and noticed something on his fingers. He smiled. “Is that chocolate?” He shook—or tried to—shake Evie’s hand last. “One that will go down in history as the day our two peoples began to heal.”

“Or the day you showed four people where the bathrooms are,” said Mal.

Ben let out a genuine laugh at her quip. Audrey’s grip on his arm tightened. (Y/N) chuckled.

“A little bit over the top?” said Ben.

“A little more than a little bit,” said Mal honestly. She and Ben both chuckled.

“Well, so much for my first impression,” said Ben. He laughed and smiled at Mal.

“Hey, you’re Maleficent’s daughter, aren’t you?” said Audrey, cutting in. “Yeah, you know what? I totally do not blame you for your mother trying to kill my parents and stuff.” She gave a fake smile. “Oh, my mom’s Aurora. Sleeping—”

“Beauty,” finished Mal. She wasn’t backing down from Audrey of all people. “Yeah, I’ve heard the name. You know, and I totally do not blame your grandparents for inviting everyone in the world but my mother to their stupid christening.” She gave a terse smile as wide as Audrey’s.

“Water under the bridge,” said Audrey with a fake laugh.

“Totes!” said Mal, mocking Audrey’s voice.

“And (Y/N), you’re over what happened between your and Evie’s moms, right?” said Audrey.

Don’t bring me into this, thought (Y/N). They could already tell Audrey and Mal were going to be a problem, and they wanted no part of the friction.

“We’ve got another fairest of them all?” said Mal, raising a brow at (Y/N).

Evie shifted as she looked at (Y/N). She hadn’t expected to see her mom’s nemesis’s kid so soon (was she supposed to dislike them? Would that make her mom proud? Should she confront them like Mal if they were rude?)

(Y/N) took this as a chance to distance themself from Audrey. “The only superlative I’m getting from my mom is ‘least likely to eat an apple.’ ”

Evie relaxed a little. She wouldn’t have to confront her (inherited?) nemesis yet.

(Y/N) smiled. “So, now that introductions are out of the way, how about a tour?”

“Good idea,” said Ben, thankful that someone had their head on straight. He gestured to the school as they started walking. “Auradon Prep, originally built over three hundred years ago, first called Merlin Academy, converted into a high school by my father when he became king.” He paused in front of the statue of King Adam. He clapped. It shifted into the Beast.

Carlos screamed and jumped into Jay’s arms.

“Carlos, it’s okay,” said Ben kindly. “My father wanted his statue to morph from beast to man to remind us that anything is possible.”

“Does he shed much?” remarked Mal.

“Yeah, Mom won’t let him on the couch,” said Ben, easily going with her quips.

“Springtime after the winter coat is the worst,” whispered (Y/N) conspiratorially.

Mal found it unexpected but couldn’t help an amused smile.

They continued inside the building.

“So, you guys have a lot of magic here at Auradon?” asked Mal. “Like wands and things like that?”

“It exists, but not a lot of people use it nowadays,” said (Y/N). “After all, most of us are ordinary mortals.”

“Who happened to be kings and queens,” said Mal.

“That’s true. Our royal blood goes back hundreds of years,” said Audrey proudly, looping Ben’s arm around her.

“Doug,” called (Y/N) as they spotted their friend and saved the conversation from the awkwardness Audrey was creating. “Doug, come down.”

Doug smiled and walked down the stairs. Ben unlooped his arm from Audrey and went over to meet him.

“This is Doug,” said Ben. “He and (Y/N) are gonna help you with your class schedules and show you the rest of the dorms.”

“Doug has a room near Carlos and Jay, and I have a room near Evie and Mal,” explained (Y/N). “We’ll show you where you are if you have any questions.” They smiled. “We’re here to help.”

“I’ll see you later, okay?” Ben’s eyes lingered on Mal. “And if there’s anything you need, feel free to—”

“Ask Doug or (Y/N),” interrupted Audrey. She gave a forced laugh, and Mal joined her. Audrey took Ben’s arm and dragged him out as he smiled awkwardly as the four villain kids.

“Hi, guys,” greeted Doug nervously. “I’m Dopey’s son. As in Dopey, Doc, Bashful, Happy, Grumpy, Sleep, and…”

“Sneezy,” finished (Y/N) as Doug’s jaw dropped open upon seeing Evie.

“Heigh-ho,” he exclaimed quietly.

“Evie,” said Evie. She smirked. “Evil Queen’s daughter.”

(Y/N) looked between the two for a moment, decided to tease Doug later, and looked at Doug’s clipboard. “Alright, so we have your schedules ready. Electives can be changed around, so if someone likes fashion more than art or prefers music to cooking or stuff like that, just let us know and we can tell you your options and walk you through that.”

“The requirements are already put in,” said Doug. “But we can change classes if you’re more ahead or farther behind in a subject.”

“We put you in the standard for our age, but there are always variations in talent and curriculum across the kingdoms,” said (Y/N). They sighed as they looked at the paper. “But you do have to take this class called ‘Remedial Goodness 101.’ ” They held up their hands. “Don’t ask me what that’s about, but it’s with Fairy Godmother, so it’ll be cliché and easy to pass.”

“Let me guess,” said Mal. “New class?”

Doug grimaced before getting distracted by Evie twirling her hair.

“Come on, let’s go find our dorms,” said Mal. They started heading up the stairs.

“Uh, dorms are that way,” said (Y/N), gesturing to the other stairs.

The VKs slowed, turned around, and followed (Y/N) and Doug.

Doug split off with the boys while (Y/N) continued down another corridor with the girls.

“There are bathrooms adjacent to each room, so you don’t have to share with anyone other than your roommate,” explained (Y/N). “Our names are on our doors, so you know who is where.” They arrived at a door at the end of the hall. “And here we are, your room.” They paused. “The room is going to be very…princessy? Stereotypical, that is, for showing people around and for guests. They can’t have it empty of all decoration. I know it’s probably not your style. But you can customize it and redecorate however you want.” (Y/N) smiled as they opened the door.

Sure enough, the room was lit by the sun flowing through lace curtains. Fluffy pink beds with bows and pastel covers sat on two sides of the room. A soft carpet covered the floor. Vases of flowers stood on the desks, and paintings of various royals decorated the walls.

“Yeah…everyone customizes,” said (Y/N), laughing upon seeing Mal’s expression. Evie seemed much more enchanted by the room. She liked the regality of it all, and (Y/N) couldn’t blame her. “So, I’ll leave you two to settle in, classes start tomorrow, and I’m just down the hall if you need me. It’s never a problem, my roommate, Lizzie Darling, is always listening to music and off in her own world, so you won’t be disturbing us.” They went to close the door, paused, and opened it. “By the way, Evie—”

Evie straightened, and Mal narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

“—I love your jacket. It looks really nice.” (Y/N) smiled. “I would have said so earlier, but Audrey would have started talking about her clothes, and I’ve already heard all the stories, and there’s only so many Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather stories I can stomach in a day. Bye!” They closed the door.

Letting out a breath, (Y/N) headed to their room. They had been themself, and, hopefully, that had been enough. They understood that the VKs wouldn’t trust anyone to begin with—this was a completely new place and culture compared to where they grew up—but (Y/N) hoped that they’d find some friends and have a nice time in Auradon. And (Y/N) hoped they knew that (Y/N) was being honest when they were friendly, they weren’t putting on an act.

Evie smiled to herself as the door closed. “They like my outfit.”

“They’re just being nice,” said Mal. “Trying to get us to relax or whatever. That’s manipulation 101.”

“They don’t seem so bad,” said Evie.

Mal frowned. “I guess they were…amusing. But we’re here for a job. Let’s get the boys, get the wand, and get out of here.”

Evie sighed. “I should have told them I like their outfit. It was cute.”

“Focus, E,” said Mal. “What would your mom want you to do? Compliment them? Or work to free her?”

“Right, right,” said Evie, straightening. Still, she did like (Y/N)’s outfit. Was it really a betrayal of her mom to compliment Snow White’s child?

…Probably.

Taglist:

@neenieweenie

@hampterfae

@american-idiot-jpg

@lunalixya

#apple of my eye #x reader #gn reader #nb reader #x gn reader #x nb reader #child of snow white #mal descendants #evie descendants #carlos descendants #disney descendants #descendants #descendants x reader #disney x reader #harry hook x reader #harry hook #descendants 1

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