#making vent posts like this is uh. strange.

[octarineblues]

screaming crying why do the gamma ray bursts i could observe happen only when im asleep and unable to put them on the telescope queue. why do they need to happen too low on the horizon. statistically they should be happening at different times of the day but not fucking recently. i am suffering. these past few days had like four grbs and two x-ray flares that i could observere if some cosmic force up there that i dont believe in fucking liked me. the grbs are exactly what my phd is about and exactly what i should be observing, but noooooo i cant do anything about them because when the night falls where my uni telescope is located, the afterglows are already too dim to reasonably use up telescope time and ahhhh. they make me sad.

[thatgiraffefromtlou]

The Aurora Project

(part 2)

(tumblr won’t let me tag part one for some odd reason but it’s in my pinned post! make sure you read that first 🫶🏻)

summary: as a result of a malfunction, you and ellie awaken from cryosleep aboard a spaceship with no memory. will you find evidence that you're more than just shipmates? something to give reason to your nagging familiarity to the stranger you wake up next to?

warnings: eventual explicit language, potential for smut in later chapters (depending), uh cringy teasing idk- Imk if there's more this is also pretty tame-

A/N: so erm this definitely isn’t the best work of mine i won’t lie to you guy. it’s only slightly proof read 🧍🏼 like i said the results of this election has my mind kind elsewhere, but writing is still very therapeutic for me and i really wanted to get something put out for you guys! plus im excited to post this and continue this story and i don’t want that to be taken from me. anyways enough about that i hope you guys enjoy!!

work count: 2.6K (ik sorry they will eventually be longer)

– Chapter two -

"Maybe your eye would work?" you break the silence, your voice echoing softly in the open space. You and Ellie sit on either side of the exit, your backs pressed against the cool, metallic walls. It took you two what felt like forever, but you finally found a door. The hope that cascaded through your bodies upon first seeing the door was palpable, a surge of excitement that quickly dissipated the moment you realized it was locked. The lock mechanism, a complex array of technological marvels you’ve never encountered, had multiple parts, but only needed one of the three ways to get through: an eye scanner, a password, or a thumbprint.

The eye scanner looked like a floating camera, or at least that's the best way you could describe it. It hovered eerily, set maybe a foot above a see-through keyboard that seemed to defy gravity. Glowing boxes surrounded glowing letters, numbers, and symbols, creating an otherworldly interface. It was strange, almost disconcerting, the way those two things seemed to float beside the door, as if held in place by some invisible force. In stark contrast, the fingerprint scan was firmly affixed to the actual door itself, a more tangible and familiar security measure. Either way, two of these things you thought Ellie might be able to manipulate, given her potential credentials.

"Huh?" Ellie turns her head to you, her brows furrowed in confusion and her upper lip slightly risen on one side, creating an expression of both intrigue and skepticism. "It's a shot in the dark but..." you begin, your mind racing to connect the dots, "Our name plates—only you had 'Dr.' in front of your name." You shrug your shoulders and lick your lips, your theory on the tip of your tongue. Turning your body to face more in her direction, your legs tucking slightly under your thighs in an attempt to get comfortable on the hard floor, you continue, "Maybe you have some form of authority here? I mean, hell, maybe you're even an astronaut? It's not too far-fetched considering our surroundings."

She looked at you with an expression that was a perfect blend of disbelief and flattery, as if you had just said the most absurd yet complimentary thing imaginable. Her eyes widened slightly, eyebrows raised, creating a very confused expression that spoke volumes. "Or," she countered, her voice tinged with a hint of skepticism, "I'm just a doctor who practices medicine and they need doctors in this place we're headed towards? It seems more likely, doesn't it?" Your shoulders literally slump at that, the weight of disappointment settling on you. "Yeah, you're probably right…" you concede, your voice trailing off.

You sit with your back against the wall again, the cool surface a stark reminder of your predicament. Your mind starts racing, deciding to go back to the drawing board. Maybe there's another door on the other side? Air vents? As these thoughts swirl in your head, Ellie suddenly stands up, her movement catching you off guard. She leans over slightly, putting her eye at level with the scanner, a look of determination etched on her face. You look up at her curiously, and suddenly there's a beep—a sharp, electronic sound that cuts through the silence—and the doors slide open with a smooth, hydraulic hiss.

You get on your feet immediately, adrenaline surging through your body, and she turns back to you, her face a mask of genuine shock mirroring your own. "No way..." you say in awe, your voice barely above a whisper as you look through the now open door. The view beyond is bleak, not really what you were hoping for. Just another long walkway stretches before you, more walkways branching off like a labyrinth of sterile corridors. "Guess I am an astronaut..." Ellie says quietly, a smile playing on her lips, tinged with a mixture of pride and bewilderment.

You look back to her, her smile a welcome contrast to the boring white hallway that seems to stretch endlessly before you. You can't help but smile back, a sense of camaraderie growing between you. "Of course you are," you say, your voice filled with a newfound confidence, "I'm never wrong." Ellie huffs air out of her nose in a small laugh, her smile widening as she shakes her head, a gesture that seems both exasperated and fond. She takes a deep breath, straightening her back again, and steps into the hallway with cautious steps. You follow close behind, your footsteps echoing in the empty corridor. The doors close with a whooshing sound behind you both, sealing off the room you just left.

"Why'd you give it a try?" you ask, curiosity getting the better of you as you fall into step beside her. Ellie shrugs, her eyes scanning the corridor ahead. "Better than sitting there with no solution," she replies, her tone matter-of-fact. She glances at you, a hint of amusement in her eyes, "and something told me you're never wrong or whatever." You smile as the warm sense of familiarity fills you again, this time less scary but just as confusing as before. It's a feeling you can't quite place, like a half-remembered dream or a song you can't quite recall. "Fair enough," you joke a little, your voice light.

Silence settles over the two of you for a moment before you speak again, "So, Dr. Ellie," you say, emphasizing her title with a playful tone, a little pep in your step, your body angled more towards her than forward. "What's our next move? Any pearls of astronaut wisdom to share with us mere mortals?" The question is wrapped in a layer of jest, but underneath, it's clear you're both grappling with the same pressing concern: what on earth—or rather, what in space—are you supposed to do now?

Ellie responds with a soft chuckle, her eyes never ceasing their scan of the corridors stretching out before you. "Well," she begins, her voice tinged with a hint of self-deprecation, "If I had to guess, I think our best bet would be to find some kind of control room or like a central hub. I mean.. there's bound to be a nerve center somewhere." As she speaks, her hands move in small, unconscious gestures, as if trying to shape her thoughts in the air.

She gives a little shrug, the movement almost diminishing the weight of her ideas. It's a strange contradiction—the self-assurance in her logic juxtaposed against a hint of awkwardness in her delivery. The dichotomy is intriguing; she clearly knows she's smart, but there's a flutter of something—maybe modesty, maybe uncertainty—when that intelligence is on display.

You nod, genuinely impressed by her logical approach despite her hesitation. "Makes sense," you agree, your voice trailing off a little as you mull over her suggestion. After a moment you ask, "Any ideas on how we might go about finding this hypothetical control room?"

Ellie's eyebrows lift a fraction, and when she speaks again, her words seem to require a touch more effort than before, as if she's carefully weighing each one. "Well, we could start by looking for signs, I suppose?" Her gaze flicks to you briefly before returning to the path ahead, a mix of consideration and caution in her eyes. "Or, failing that, we could follow the main corridor?" She gestures ahead with a sweep of her hand. "In my experience-“ she cuts herself off in a fluster. “Or what I think might be my experience, given our current memory situation—important areas are usually centrally located and well-marked."

You hum thoughtfully and nod, acknowledging the soundness of her strategy. "So, essentially, we keep walking straight until we stumble upon another door or some kind of signage?" A note of playful sarcasm creeps into your voice as you add, "Sounds absolutely thrilling..."

Ellie responds with an eye roll, but there's a hint of a smile playing at the corners of her mouth, softening the gesture. "Well, unless you've got a better idea tucked away in that sarcasm-filled brain of yours, Captain Quip, I think that's our best bet for now." She pauses for a beat, then adds with a touch of dry humor coloring her words, "Who knows? Maybe if we're really lucky, we'll stumble upon a space casino or an alien petting zoo along the way."

"A petting zoo?" you echo, latching onto the absurd image with enthusiasm. "Maybe they've got some kind of high-tech Noah's Ark situation going on up here." The mental picture draws a laugh from both of you, the sound a welcome break in the tension. As your chuckles subside, you're struck by a sudden realization. "You know what? I could really go for a drink right now. God, I'm thirsty. Are you thirsty too?" The question hangs in the air for a moment before you notice something's off. You turn, expecting to see Ellie beside you, but she's nowhere in sight. Confusion floods your system. Wasn't she just—

You’re quickly interrupted by the sound of your name being called. It's Ellie's voice, but it's coming from at least 20 feet behind you. You spin around, your eyes searching, and finally spot her. She's standing in front of a doorway, her arm extended, finger pointing at something beyond. "Look," she calls again, her voice a mix of excitement and wariness.

You quickly jog back to where Ellie is standing. As you draw closer, you see what has captured her attention: before you a mini hall, maybe 3 feet long ending with a small door.

Your gaze follows Ellie's pointing finger to the side of the door, where a placard identical to those at the foot of your pods catches your attention. The name 'Dr. Williams' is etched onto its surface, below her name is a simple +1, causing a small jolt of recognition to course through you. "Oh..." you breathe, the single syllable barely audible as it escapes your lips. Your eyes dart between Ellie and the plain white door, a feeling of apprehension swirling in your gut.

"Well, let's open it," you suggest, your voice a blend of impatience and nervousness. Ellie responds with a nod, her face showing her own set of conflicting emotions. She reaches out, her hand settling on the doorknob - a long, flat apparatus that stands out against the sterile white of the door. Your eyes are drawn to a peculiar smooth shiny black rectangle spot near where the handle attaches to the door, its purpose unclear but somehow significant.

Ellie's fingers wrap around the handle, and she attempts to turn it. The door remains closed, the handle refusing to even budge an inch. A look of frustration flashes across her face as she tries again, her knuckles almost whitening with the force of her grip. Still, the door doesn't budge.

You watch intently as Ellie's brow furrows in concentration, her fingers now tracing the outline of the mysterious black spot. Suddenly, Ellie's eyes widen with realization, and she presses her thumb firmly against the black square. The silence that follows seems to stretch for an eternity, both of you holding your breath in anticipation. Then, a soft beep fills the air, shattering the tension.

Ellie turns the handle again and the door responds with a soft click as she pushes the door open. You and Ellie exchange a quick glance, a wordless communication passing between you. Taking a deep, steadying breath, you both step forward in unison. The room is small, almost like a one room apartment. The white sterile walls not following you into this space. You both set forward, Ellie in the lead as you both wordlessly scan the room. The walls may be white, but the room itself is vibrant with personality and life.

Every available surface is adorned with an array of memorabilia - framed photographs capturing moments frozen in time, colorful posters that speak of diverse interests, and shelves lined with an assortment of knick-knacks, each telling its own story. These decorations form a protective cocoon around the full-sized bed nestled at the far end of the room, creating a cozy sanctuary within the larger space. The front area of the room seamlessly blends the functionality of a kitchen with the comfort of a living room, defying the sterile environment beyond its walls.

As you step further into the room, your senses are overwhelmed by a collection of different scents, each fighting for dominance in the recycled air of the ship. The rich, invigorating aroma of freshly brewed coffee mingles with the smoky, complex notes of aged whiskey. A faint, earthy scent of stale marijuana lingers in the background. Underpinning it all is a warm, masculine fragrance - reminiscent of a what you’d smell when you hug a Southern dad, all sun-warmed cotton and subtle cologne.

Despite the main overhead light being off, the room is bathed in a gentle, welcoming glow. A strategically placed array of lamps and twinkling string lights cast a soft, amber radiance throughout the space. This warm illumination not only brightens the room but also seems to ignite a spark of recognition deep within you. As your eyes adjust and roam over the personal touches scattered throughout, you can't shake the feeling that this space is somehow intimately familiar, as if you've spent countless hours within these very walls, or at least around these things.

Ellie quietly calls your name, her voice tinged with a mixture of excitement and uncertainty. You slowly turn around to see her sitting on what you presume to be her bed, a framed photograph clutched in her hands. You make your way over to her, each step feeling both familiar and foreign on the ship's floor. As you settle beside her on the bed, the mattress dipping slightly under your combined weight, she carefully turns the photo to face you both.

The image captured within the frame immediately draws your attention. It's a snapshot of what appears to be a Halloween party, the background a blur of festive decorations and revelers. But it's the subjects of the photo that truly catch your eye - you and Ellie, looking carefree and happy, your costumes as whimsical as they are clever.

You find yourself staring at your own image, barely recognizing the person looking back at you. You're dressed in an elaborate moth costume, complete with intricately designed wings and antennae. Your costume-clad self is caught mid-motion, planting an exaggerated kiss on Ellie's cheek. Ellie, for her part, is sporting what can only be described as a lampshade on her head, her face alight with laughter and warmth.

The juxtaposition of the costumes isn't lost on you - a moth drawn to a lamp, a visual pun that speaks of inside jokes and shared humor. It's a moment of connection, of joy, frozen in time and preserved behind glass.

"Oh..." you breathe, the word barely more than an exhale. The photo feels like a key, unlocking a flood of emotions you can't quite place. Familiarity wars with the unsettling feeling of looking at strangers wearing your faces.

"Oh..." Ellie echoes, her voice a mirror of your own confusion and wonder. Her eyes flick between the photo and your face, searching for something - recognition, perhaps, or confirmation that you're feeling the same tumult of emotions that she is.

The silence stretches between you, filled with unspoken questions and the weight of implications neither of you are quite ready to voice.

A/N: hehehe lmk if you wanna be added to the tag listttttt

tag list: @autisticintr0vert (if you’re not tagged and asked to be, please check to make sure you’re ability to be tagged is on because your username did not show up!)

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

Hey I really like your adamsapple mpreg posts and I got an AU of them! (ꈍᴗꈍ) Happy Eden Ending AU (where things ended up good from the beginning, also with mpreg >w<) Many angels gather around the garden of Eden for the formation of the first human. Lucifer manages to get to the front with all his efforts, but Gabriel scolded him for his methods. Gabriel: You didn't have to push and shove them to get here. Lucifer: Oh come on I have to! I'm literally the shortest one here! Suddenly an all-knowing voice commanded everyone to stay silent and pay attention. It was God's voice. God: We all gather here today to the first step of the existence of mankind. Man will come from the dust and dirt of the ground and shall become dirt and dust once his life comes to an end. He uses his hand to shift the dirt to form the first human and gave him the breath of life to which the man took his first breath and opened his eyes. God: Your name shall be Adam. You are the first of your kind, you are the first human. While God explains what Adam is and what he should do and the angels gossiping, Lucifer looked at Adam with awe. His eyes widen and dilate as he adore his tanned skin, short brown hair and gold eyes. Oh he was absolutely smitten! Adam drifted his attention, and his eyes were glued to the little blonde angel at the front of the crowd. Something about him makes him strange from the other angels but he can't help but be charmed by him. It felt like days between them lovely staring at each other, not sharing a word between each other as their eyes and mind do the talking before god spoke. God: Adam, do you understand?

Adam: I- Uh! I understand.

God: Good, you may explore the garden, you may ask the angels for help, but it is best for you to learn for yourself on how to survive and how to be self-sufficient. Some time passed, Adam made a little hut for himself and decorated with pretty stones and skeletons from his hunts. He was at a pond doing his duty to name all the animals when he heard a rustle in the bushes. Adam nervously checked the bush, praying that it isn't an big animal he can't fight off. Lucifer: AH! Adam: i- it's you! Lucifer: Wait, you recognize me?

Adam: Yeah! You were the first thing I saw besides my creator. Lucifer's eyes twinkled excitedly. He was internally squealing from joy! He can't believe it! He was the second being the first man saw, though he wished he could have been his first sight, but he'll take what he can get! Adam: Do you have a name like me?

Lucifer: * jumps out of the bush* Yes! It's Lucifer!!! Lucifer covered his mouth because he said it too loud. Adam: What's wrong? Lucifer: Haha, nothing except... I shouldn't be here... Adam: Why? I thought angels were allowed to come here. Lucifer: Yeah, but not angels of my rank. Adam: Well, if that's the case then I won't tell anyone you were here. It would be a secret between just you and me. Adam gave a wink and a smile, Lucifer blushed, and his heartbeat goes faster. They sat next to each other at the pond, Adam venting that he has trouble thinking of the name of the waterfowl that reside at the pond. Lucifer suggested they should be called ducks due to them ducking their heads in the water. Adam: That's it! Oh thank you so much Lucifer!

Adam hugged him, to which Lucifer hugged him back tightly. He thought to himself, he spied on Adam for a while before their encounter, lovely admired him and how he was beautiful he was to him. He also liked how resourceful he was and liked how tall he was and how muscular he became. They promised each other that whenever Lucifer arrives they'll always meet at the pond. Those meetings were their own heaven, they slowly bond and had their first kiss. Oh how he wanted to have sex with his lover, but he restrained himself knowing it would lead more trouble and him.

One day while Lucifer was spying in the trees he heard god introducing Adam to Lilith, the first woman and his wife, and he told them their duty to populate mankind. He waited a bit longer and saw them holding hands. Fear filled his mind, he watched them more, Adam was being very pushy towards her in an cocky way but Lucifer can tell that he genuinely likes her. Tears rolled down his face and despair shattered his heart. How could he do this to him! They were supposed to be together but he soon realized Lilith is disinterested in him. If he can't make him his, then he'll take his woman just to piss him off. What he didn't realize is that while Adam liked her, he was being pushy towards their duty so he can finish it as quickly as possible so he can be with Lucifer again.

Awww thank you!

And I love this idea very much. Gotta love a jealous Lucifer lol

[yuu-kumeii]

Heeello, hru?

i want a tsukishima kei × fem!reader, NO TIME SKIP, i want his reaction on the reader hugging him suddenly without saying anything and the reader doesn't pull away from the hug (aka gives him a long hug)

(Reader is clingy and doesn’t want to vent, but at the end she let it all out)

Genre: hurt/comfort, fluff, crying

Omg hi anon❗❗❗ I'm doing fine when I got this, but now I'm like a deflated grammar balloon 😭😭😭

SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO FINISH YOUR REQUEST I SWEAR I WAS THINKING ABT IT THE WHOLE TIME AFTER I GOT IT, I just didn't get the motivation at that time so I waited for inspiration to strike. But then inspiration hit me too hard and this ended up going waaaay off track ⚰️ PLUS I wrote the middle part during a campus tour and boy am I glad to have friends who are willing to be my beta readers bc past Yuu was NOT having a good time there 🥹. So sorry again in advance if this isn't exactly what you were expecting 🙏

Btw, your all caps red NO TIMESKIP is kinda funny to me bc it's like telling me to REMEMBER THAT THIS IS A PRE TIMESKIP THING NOT POST since I'm someone who mainly writes for post timeskip 💀 ntm how you probably had your own timeskip waiting for this thing 🧍‍♀️but anyways I hope you still enjoy this monster of a drabble fic hybrid 🫶

Also heads up, it's an established relationship, yeah sorry I didn't know if you would be ok with that but uh yeah sorry 😭

Word count : 3.5k (How did I get here)

There wasn't any indication as to why you started to feel the way you do, maybe you were tired. It could be from stress, school work has been piling up so it wasn't a stretch to say that you might've been feeling a little burnt out. But deep down, you know exactly why. You're just too embarrassed to say it out loud, because what kind of person would you be to think that your friends were that shallow? A bad manager and an even more awful friend, that's what.

Everyone has been asking about you, concerned for your lack of response as of late. You barely look up from your notebook, something about a 'full proof strategy for their next game'. One so full proof it apparently doesn't need any input from the team or Kiyoko...or the coach... It's obvious you're trying to avoid them without being absent. Which makes it even more strange, usually you'd want to get away from the people you're avoiding. So why aren't you?

"Oh no, [Y/N] lookout!" A voice suddenly calls out, snapping you out of your thoughts just as you see a ball coming straight for you.

Before you could react, someone beat it to you, "I got it!" A hand reaches out and blocks the ball, you don't register who it is until—

"Nice save, Yacchan!"

Of course.

Yachi was the one who saved your face from getting pummeled while you sat there with your head in the clouds. All the more reason the team should just— just—

Just kick you off the team.

Ah.

There it is.

That's what's been on your mind. Why it was so hard for you to actually avoid them, you were scared to be pushed aside while trying to encourage them to do so. Thinking you were being good at your job, only to see someone new do it better.

You feel like you've been lacking as a manager, despite being in the club for longer. It felt like the newcomer, Yachi, was doing a lot better in the short time she's here. You know it was unwarranted, she's been nothing but helpful. Picking up all the little things you and Kiyoko taught her. The team also welcomed her with open arms, as did you.

It was a gradual realization on your end, with 3 managers on standby, it's easy to lose track of who does what job. But more and more it felt like you've been doing the least out of the 3 of you. It really affected you, even without you knowing.

You start to forget routines, things like after school clean up duty, homework, even going as far as to forget planned hangouts. It felt like all you wanted to do was finish the day as quickly as possible, you don't even get up from your seat much anymore. Your indifference in class is mostly likely why no one tried approaching you for stuff, which makes sense, you probably look unapproachable anyway.

Well, almost unapproachable. If it weren't for Tsukishima, who chose to come up to you on days you fully ignore the team.

"What's up with you?" His words were short and lacked any poise, fitting for the only first year keen on riling up opponents and allies alike.

"...Nothing is, I'm fine" Much like Tsuki, your words were curt. Hoping that the less you answer, the more he's inclined to leave you alone.

Giving you an unconvinced look paired with an equally unconvinced once over, he shrugs and turns to leave you be.

"Suit yourself"

That hurts more than anything your own mind can throw at you, because all it does is convince you further that they're better off without you. All you've been doing is feeling bad about yourself, starting to forget everything important in favor of ignoring the problem.

But strangely enough, even when you forget, nothing seems to have any big consequences. When you realize you forgot about cleanup duty, your class partner just shrugs, saying your friend stayed behind and helped them instead. You think that it could've been Yamaguchi, he sometimes helps with cleaning duty when someone's partner goes home early.

It makes you feel worse about your moping, inconveniencing not one but two people. All because you can't convince yourself that just because Yachi is doing a lot better than you, it doesn't mean you're useless.

Right?

Not to mention the heartwarming messages from your friends when you don't show up to a hangout, they seem so understanding in spite of how you don't even tell them anything. The messages telling you to "Take care of yourself" and "Work things out at your own pace" could honestly make you cry.

Even the team tries their best to cheer you up, or at least to get your attention. You can't lie and say you don't see Hinata trying to get the other first years to pull some cool volleyball stunt he saw once, hoping that you'll congratulate them. It's hard to ignore it, especially when you can just feel his occasional stare, trying to get a reaction from you. But, as much as you want to cheer them on, you just can't do that. And yet, they're still so understanding. Trying to raise your spirit, Yachi even tried to start a conversation with you by asking for help on different managerial duties. But to no avail, all you do is point her in the right direction before going back to your place in the stands. Her efforts weren't in vain, but not enough to really get to you.

But it doesn't add up, how would they know you're going through a tough time? Are you really that obvious? You probably are. Either way, it's sweet of them to still think about you even when you're basically ditching them.

What does make sense to you is the homework, which you still end up submitting on time. All thanks to, you guessed it, Tsukishima. He just started reminding you about homework due in 2 days, complete with the pages and formulas needed. A smart comment about your recent forgetfulness is always attached to the message, something to remind you that it's from Tsuki of all people.

Someone you got to know through Yamaguchi, a mutual friend of yours, and if that's not enough, then being on the same team definitely is. As a manager on said team, you were always there for whatever sarcastic quip he had at the ready. Complete with every short joke ever made and that snide smile of his almost everyday. Needless to say, it didn't take long for a friendship to bloom. No longer hanging out only when Yams was around, you both built a routine for when you have each other. Yet you were always one to break routine for something new, a habit the tall beanpole never fails to challenge.

"Why do I have to come with you? You can just go alone" He says, not too keen on the idea of skipping your usual bakery visit for a cafe.

"Because I don't want to go alone and you're the only free one" You were always so sure he'd come with you anyway, to the point where you don't even try to convince him anymore.

He did end up going with you in the end, even if he did have his complaints here and there. But overall, it was one of the few times you can visibly see him having a good time. You chose a cafe themed around the stars and space in general, which you knew Tsuki liked quite a bit. Sure it would've been better to go to a dinosaur themed cafe, but the ones you know about are all the way in Tokyo and Fukui. Nevertheless, that space cafe visit was definitely a core memory in both your and Tsukishima's friendship, no matter how much that salt shaker wanted to deny it.

Though you did promise that one day, both of you would go together.

As friends, cause that's what you are, right?

Wait, actually do you even remember what happened after the space cafe? Wasn't it really important?

It feels like you know exactly what it is, it's a *fact* that you remember what it is. But much like everything else around you, it as well, whether you mean to or not, is pushed to the back of your head. Your thoughts start to discourage your resolve in this self-driven solitude of yours, built upon claims with no support. But why would the evidence matter if the claim itself is enough to make you believe?

It really felt like you were going to keep up this ruse forever, nothing really served as a consequence to you. The only thing keeping you in this state were the small glimpses of the team above your notebook, always up to some dumb fun. Something you always looked forward to in spite of the grueling practice ahead of them, well it was something you looked forward to.

Your eyes catch onto the other first years happily chatting with each other, except for Tsuki who preferred to stand on the sidelines, only chiming in to add a sprinkle of sarcasm into the conversation. That seems fun, you knew it was. As you watch everyone laugh at something Yachi says, something in you starts coiling around your heart.

You're suddenly aware of every breath you take, your thoughts start to repeat 'breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out...'

Your surroundings start to feel heavy, like you were tethered to your place. The sound of your own breathing feels louder than the voices in the gym. So focused on your empty notebook that everything else blurs at the edges of your vision.

It wasn't until you caught golden-brown eyes staring at you from across the court, genuine concern masked under a nonchalant gleam. You hold his gaze for longer than you'd like, unsure if there's anything else hidden under the bespectacled stare.

Tsuki only tilts his head in the direction of the other first years, probably telling you to come with them. You can only refuse, solemnly shaking your head. They can't possibly want you there with them, not after ignoring them for the better part of a week. It wouldn't be right to just butt in like that.

He probably knows that you're still not giving in, because it looked like he let out a sigh before walking towards them. Not before one last stare down with you, his gaze asking if you're sure about your decision. You can only hesitantly nod, you're not sure, you don't want to pick this decision, but you've convinced yourself that you're backed into a corner.

A corner you made up.

Well, no use in thinking about it now.

"Oi [Y/N], I'm gonna lock up the gym now! Better get going" Oh coach Ukai, you forgot he was still here. Taking your notebook and pen into your arms, you nod at the coach before heading towards the exit. Body slightly hunched over when you pass him, unable to look at him in the eye.

"Whatever it is you're going through, you know they got your back, right kiddo?" Ukai suddenly says, right before you leave. It makes you stand in your place for a while, thinking. You know they do, it just doesn't feel right to, especially when you didn't give them a valid reason for your distance.

"Y-yeah…Thanks, coach" You mumble, fully facing away from him. Turning to leave, when you catch a glimpse of the orange sky outside. Realizing how late it got, you break into a sprint back to your classroom.

Through the now empty halls, doused in ombre. No other soul in sight, leaving the sounds of your footsteps to be heard. The sky is beautiful today…wouldn't it be fun to experience it together?

Your pace slows right in front of your classroom, 1-4 written on a sign next to the door. Putting your hands on your knees to catch your breath from all the running, you stop to admire the light that passes through your classroom door.

And that's when you heard it, the faint scratching of a chalkboard being erased, you'd know that sound anywhere. It's soft, you could barely hear it over your own breaths, who could be cleaning it at this time? You know your partner didn't come to school today, they were sick. You yourself forgot, so why would anyone be there?

Slowly peeking through the door frame, you see a lone figure standing by the chalkboard. Short blond hair, a lean figure, headphones over his neck, the wire hanging loose. It's him, the one you felt the most guilt for. You watch him for a while, lazily swiping the eraser across the chalkboard.

So that's who your cleanup partner was talking about.

It wasn't Yamaguchi…

It was Tsuki.

He's been the one filing in for you, the one picking up after you. The one who kept pushing you to just talk to the team from a distance, he was looking out for you. The one that's been trying to reach out in his own way, you feel so stupid. Running away while your…

Your…

Your...

Own boyfriend looks out for you even when you unfairly pushed him away.

Your eyes glaze over and your breathing interchanges between short huffs and long shaky sighs. Feeling like you owe so much to him, keeping you afloat in an ocean of your own solitude. Step by step, you make your way over. Speeding up the closer you got.

Reaching him, you immediately press your face into his back. Arms wrapping around his waist, grabbing at the fabric of his school uniform to keep yourself in place. You can feel him tense, before slowly relaxing and going back to his cleaning. The guilt eating up at you even more, you clench your fists around his uniform, trembling in your place. Your lip trembles slightly, making your words sound even more pathetic than they already are.

"I'm…I-I'm so-so-...so-sor—ry—!" You sob, voice breaking off the same way you are. No words could express the mix of relief and remorse you feel, relief to be able to express your true feelings and remorse for your actions that didn't. Your eyes fill with tears that linger at their edge, waiting for a push to get them down.

"You better be, do you know how much they miss you? Those idiots won't stop asking me about you" Kei's words striking right through your heart, the coil no longer tight. Your tears finally fall as your cries get louder. You press your face further into your boyfriend's back for comfort, letting out all the pent up feelings you've harbored the past week.

"I…I just f-felt like—like I wa-was u-useless!" You whimper, sobs reduced to short intakes of air between big breaths.

"Idiot…" Turning to face you fully, Kei's hand settles itself on the top of your head, sliding down to the back. Pushing you further into an embrace of his own, refusing to look at you. One hand on the back of your head, the other fiddling with his headphone wires.

All that you've done, the distance you tried to make, it all came tumbling down. All at once. It was never supposed to take hold of you the way it did, so all you needed was something to justify ending it. Kei, is that something.

"It's just tha-that—Yachi is such-such a good mana–ger…be-better than me…" The words flow out before you could stop them, a confession to your actions. Hearing it out loud, you truly realize how weak your reasons are. It just shows how little it took to have you questioning your worth as a member of the team, laid out in front of the both of you.　

"..." His silence causes you to meekly look up at him, afraid of what he might think. Kei was always good at keeping a neutral face, never making it easy for you to know what he's thinking.

"I don't want to stop being your guys' manager…" You lower your head, voice a whisper, lip still quivering slightly.

"Then don't, no one's telling you to quit"

Huh.

"But—" You quickly look back up at him.

"But nothing, Yachi's great and all but when will we ever get another clutz like you who pays for my drink?" He has a smug look on his face after saying that, eyes filled with nothing but mischief.

You say nothing, words stuck in your throat. Still staring at his stupid smile, he's probably so proud of himself for that. But, you knew he said that to cheer you up. Something to keep you out of your own head, and it's working.

"Way to ruin the moment…" You mumble, "Could've been a bit more dramatic" A soft smile takes over your expression, already feeling much more relieved than before.

"You can do that by yourself," Kei retorts, looking at you from the corner of his eye.

"But you'd still do it with me" Your smile grows, eyes filled with adoration for the pretty face in front of you. After being alone for the better part of a week, it was nice to finally talk again. Even if you had so much making up to do, to everyone in the team, maybe you could start with the one who still held you close.

"Oh? You sound so sure of yourself for someone who's been running away from me" Eyebrow raised in faux skepticism, waiting for your answer.

"I promise I'll make it up to you first" You tell him, before burying your face back into his front, basking in his familiar scent and warmth where you feel most at ease.

"You better"

And you will. To all of them.

Walking home from school during sunset is a special kind of rare to you, barely anyone on the streets. Your newfound goal for the following week, circling in your mind. Beside you was Kei, matching your pace with long strides contrasting your own smaller steps.

"Kei…Do you want to stop by Paprika heaven?" You suddenly ask.

"Paprika heaven? Really?" Kei is not convinced you're being serious, you can practically sense that raised brow.

"It's a cafe! I know the name isn't the sweetest sounding but trust me on this!" You insist, letting out an exasperated huff.

"Shouldn't it be closed?" He questions further, still doubtful.

"It closes at 9, I checked" You proudly exclaim, crossing your arms with a content look on your face.

Kei rolls his eyes at your antics, "Alright, I yield" he raises his hands in surrender, yet a smirk still makes its way onto his face, "But you're paying"

You freeze, realizing that he's right. You are going to pay for it, with your own money. Immediately, your figure deflates dramatically. Slouching forward with an exaggerated groan.

"Right…" Your wallet will never forgive you. But not because Paprika Heaven was too expensive, a piece of your soul just dies whenever you take out a remotely large amount of money from your wallet.

This apparently amuses your boyfriend because he starts laughing, so much so that his shoulders move in time with each laugh. He turns to look at your stunned figure, which only entertains him more. Hearing his mocking laughter, it shakes you out of your stupor. Irritation starts to take hold of you, wanting him to stop laughing at your obvious misery.

"Wha—?! Stop laughing!" Your fists make contact with your boyfriend's chest, repeatedly hitting him to get him to shut.

"I'm serious! I might become poor after this!"

"That's your own fault" In between laughs, Kei is still able to call you out. Seriously, can't he take this seriously?

After a while he calms down, wiping a single tear from his eye. You also calm down, arms tired from the repeated attacks on your boyfriend. Leaning your forehead on his chest to rest, eyes closing on their own from the change in atmosphere. Kei only stands proud, hands in his pockets and a grin spread across his face in content.

Comfortable silence wash over you, the sun still peeking just beyond the horizon, lighting up the road just enough for you to see the way ahead. It's way too late for a bunch of high school students to be out, let alone ones who plan on staying out. But that doesn't matter, you can take the worried lectures from your parents later. Right now, you want to make up for lost time.

"Kei—," You raise your head to face him, taking a deep breath,

"Thank you" A closed eyed smile appears on your face, "For still putting up with me"

"...Whatever" He looks away from you, eyes gazing over the road in front of you.

But no matter how much he tries to hide it,

You can still see that small genuine smile on his face.

[the-s1lly-corner]

silly, i got an idea

i don’t know if suggesting this is a bad thing (sorry if it is), but about that vent post thingy, why not make an “x reader who loves their plant(s) a lot” or something along those lines with any character you like rn? (i would’ve asked this for adam or lute, but, uh…ehh)

actually, kinger or ragatha might be cool, but you can do something with this prompt for other characters if you like! /nf

Kinger and ragatha x reader who loves their plants

Tbh I was originally gonna do this with any characters but I had a mini brain blast for kinger- maybe I'll make a separate post with my current blorbos usually i dont shuffle around queued posts but uhuhuh shooting this one to the top because A) since i plan on doing this prompt again nearly instantly after this, i wanna separate it just because its such... a unique request that i relate to a lot + i try not to post the same prompt back to back unless its a multi part thing and B) i dont want to respond to this ask with a "oh ur cool oomfie basing a request off of me crying over my tree isnt overstepping/gen" LMAO

Notes: reader is GN, non specific plant but admin is basing it off of his own experience with his plant

CWs: none

RAGATHA

she thinks its sweet that you put so much effort and care into your plants, even if others may think it a little strange how dedicated you are

she totally understands personifying it, she does the same with some of her own belongings... she just thinks it shows that you really do care

ties a little bow around the pot as a little pop of color as well as to simply... give it some extra sparkle

love the idea that she was into DIY stuff before getting into the circus- usually baking and sewing but it would be cute if she sometimes made stuff from plant parts- colors from leaves and flowers, preserving parts for one reason or another... in the event that the plants health takes a turn for the worse she takes a piece to preserve for you to keep

KINGER

you both sit together and info dump about your interests and the bonus? he fills you in on bug/plant relationships, what bugs you need to look out for and which ones can be good! will give you some beneficials so your plant has some level of protection from pests

greets your plant as you enters your room, doesnt think its odd and it comes so naturally and he says hi with genuine happiness

bugs are his main interest but he picks up looking into plant care so he can better understand some of the things that you ramble about as well as potentially offer some info you didn't know before

ooohoohoho if you two eventually return to the real world together you make a garden and tend to it together

[tavina-writes]

i find it extremely funny that we (mxtx fandoms in general but mdzs especially) will get into huge shouting matches about timelines and research and accuracy and meanwhile she was like "the death of the nie bros' dad, an event extremely important to explaining the buildup to the war that affected literally every single member of the cast, could have happened anywhere in these five whole-ass years" and "yeah they totally had potatoes don't worry about it lol". truly airplane was an autobiographical character.

You know nonny, I DO find this intensely funny at times. My uh, main source of "shaking my head at this" happens when inevitably, meta goes around and we rush back and forth going "X WAS A GOOD PERSON" and "X WAS EVIL! EVIL!" etc, which happens every now and again and always makes me a bit like "ah, yes, it's difficult to convey nuance and also differing points of view that may in whole or in part also be legitimate and valuable to discuss on a place like tumblr/the internet in general because it is difficult to grapple with uncertainties and we often want to nail things down one way or another so we can figure out if we're right or not" <- but this often comes out as me writing a joke post. Or a saltier post than I intended. Sometimes because I'm tired and sometimes because I just happen to be a salty individual on main.

And I do think fandom is a place where like, multiple interpretations of an event or a statement or a character's "morality" and themes and choices are often equally valid. And fandom should be a place for that, that's what makes fandom fun. If there was a One True Interpretation of the text there'd be no need for interpreting text at all, and that's distinctly sad for me. That's no fun. Anyone who tries to use their knowledge to cudgel people into the One True Interpretation is wrong, btw.

Though I think, and here's where I feel that research and accuracy is a nuanced thing and should actually be of consideration for meta/fic/engaging with fandom in general, and why perhaps people strive for it -- the "lol, potatoes" and "poetry from whatever era I want" is fun! MXTX, however, is still writing about a fantasy version of her own culture, which offers along with it a foundational basis of knowledge that makes this...easier? And again, here's where the part of me that does enjoy these anachronisms and inaccuracies (because they're fun and since we have flying swords why not potatoes) wars with the part of me that's also like, "okay but there is a difference between 'not knowing enough to be respectful of the background surrounding the characters and why that might inform their actions' and 'I've decided that peppers, which did not exist in Eurasia prior to the Columbian Exchange are a big thing here now.'" The difference is respect. Different members of fandom will draw this line in different places and it hits different on different days.

And this is one of the struggles of engaging with foreign language media a lot of the time - we try to strike a balance between engaging with it based on our own experiences and backgrounds and not accidentally saying anything offensive or strange or 'that would totally never happen' or 'he would not fucking talk like that' and I've found, with my time in this fandom, most people who are concerned with accuracy and research are largely trying to be respectful and avoid such gaffes.

Over the two or so years I've been here, I've also reacted to people who've insisted their interpretation is the correct one when it was definitely a case of 'the version Chinese culture that I'm familiar with 200% does not work like that', and saltily wandered off to vent about how 'this is inaccurate and also rude' or try to explain why it wouldn't happen like that. Maybe this comes off as preachy at times, or overly concerned with "accuracy," but that is typically where that sort of reaction comes from for me. I expect this is probably true for other people as well!

And by no means like, do we only engage in fandom because we want to be educated or educate others, and by no means is that an obligation of any fic writer or meta writer or casual fandom goer. We engage with media because it engages us, and we engage with fandom because we love community, and sometimes its no more complex than that.

I enjoy research and art history so that's typically why this appears in my fic, and I started out on doing it to better connect with my own heritage, which I've found more important to me as I've gotten older, so that's where it comes from for me.

Apologies nonny, this was probably not the answer you were looking for and I do commiserate, I'm just chronically unable to be funny on main. 😔

TLDR: there's always nuance in everything unfortunately. Even if this is the no nuance webbed site.

[cookinguptales]

Look... I understand as much as any woman with a chronic illness how frustrating it is to be dismissed by your doctors. I've been going to see doctors about weird mystery illnesses for over twenty years now. I am more than used to being dismissed for my weight or my sex or my hormone levels or whatever else. I will never forget one of my doctors privately taking my mother aside when I was sixteen and telling her that she needed to be taking me to a therapist, not a medical specialist, because it was all clearly in my head. That first diagnosis took ten years. I get it. It's frustrating. It sucks.

That said, going to a research hospital or being part of a research program isn't like some easy magic bullet that's going to mean suddenly you're cured. It often involves a lot of extremely painful trial and error (that occasionally makes you much worse before it makes you better -- if it makes you better) and an absolutely brutal degree of dehumanization. You're often looked at as data or a puzzle to be solved rather than a human being, and being honest with you, I'm still dealing with a lot of the psychological effects of growing up that way.

(ETA: IT'S ALSO VERY EXPENSIVE SOMETIMES so that's something else to worry about.)

So uh. If someone makes a vent post about yet again having medical symptoms so strange that your doctor refers you to a research program, maybe do not comment on that post talking about how lucky they are.

That's. That's just a request from me.

[bicmason]

SFW Alphabet – Simon "Ghost" Riley.

★ Well, besides my presentation, this is my first post!! Hope you like it :) <3

★ Synopsis: Fluff of how Simon is in a relationship with you, reader!

★ Warnings: None, I think??? I'm new to this warning thing by the way!! If you hear anything that needs warning, please put it in the comments!!

But, I think the main thing is that this is my vision of Simon, if you don't like it, that's fine but don't hate me :)

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

– I feel this man has a vibe that he's not very affectionate, not now.

– Maybe, if we talk about him before his whole family was murdered, I think he would be more affectionate, but as I said before, not now. This man has changed.

– However, he's not total ice. He'll do things for you - leave notes around the house (maybe before he leaves for a long mission), bring you flowers, organize your things when he has time to spare, maybe cook for you. He's also a good listener, take advantage of that. Talk to him, he'll appreciate it. He's a man of service and nothing will change my mind 😭😭

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

– Maybe you were friends with Soap first, thus getting close to Simon too. You would initiate this. It would probably start with you trying to talk to him, few things, but you still got closer.

– And this man is a good friend, believe me. Are you having problems with a mission? If he's not TOO busy, he'll help you, believe me. Personal problems you need to vent about? He is there. He doesn't like to give his opinion, but you know he listens to you. He also makes some lame jokes to make you smile a little.

– He would also do you favors, as long as he was available for - that's his only bad point, if he's busy, forget anything you've asked him to do, he won't do it ☠️

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

– In a relationship, I believe it would take a few weeks? He doesn't care about your touch. He literally doesn't care, he just finds it strange in a way, he's not used to really affectionate touches.

– Anyway, the first time you asked him (in a romantic relationship) he refused. Not because 'uh he rejects touch', he just... thought it was weird. He thought about the idea later, and when you asked - hesitantly - for it again, he accepted, still a little stiff.

Spoiler: He likes to be the bigger spoon, but if he's totally relaxed around you, he can and will want to be the smaller spoon.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

– I believe so, he will want to settle down with you. Maybe not so quickly, but he would like the idea.

– And, he's a good cook, even though he doesn't make food very often! (Headcanon that he buys food that lasts months because he doesn't even spend much time at home so buying perishable food will just waste his money for nothing)

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

– Like… it depends on your relationship. You two really get along really well but he's just too broken to make you happy for the rest of your life?

– Then he would give clues - long conversations about how you would react if he broke up, he would slowly pull away and a few more things as subtle as a feather, but that would have a huge weight for him. Believe me, he doesn't really want to break up with you, he just thinks he needs to.

– But, if you are a little "boring" (I don't know how to describe this in English, forgive me) with each other, believe me, he will disappear from your life, quickly and simply. There's nothing to explain, he'll disappear like a ghost.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

– Yes, he likes the idea, yeah! But he doesn't want to get married. He already finds dating a bit... tiring for him, I don't see him as very emotionally responsible, sorry, but just look at him. (That includes the fact that you live together - he doesn't want something official, you know?)

– But of course, with the power of imagination, let's just say that maybe you would change this man's mind? Oh yes, implant little ideas about this in his head, and he would propose to you in an official marriage - No big parties, please :^

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

– Like I said, this man is not used to touching. But touch him. Touch his hand, touch his arm, he's okay with it.

– Just don't touch him 'intimately' - don't get too close to his chest/neck in public, maybe his inner thighs and don't kiss him too much...passionately in public. He doesn't want that.

– But he is kind, believe me. He can touch your cheek, hold your little fingers hidden under the table. He's also kind mentally, a little at least. He thinks of you, he remembers you. He knows he can come back to you and you will want him back. He will want to come back to you and tell you a little about his day, he will want to listen to you because he feels like he is doing it right. He doesn't want to scare you or make you feel trapped by him in any way, he wants to be okay with you, and he wants you to be okay with him.

– ☆ Bonus points if you make his favorite food, he'll praise you until you don't want any more.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

– He likes hugs!! But only from specific people - If you're a rookie recruit, don't even think about trying to touch him, for God's sake. But it's not the same for you, dear reader. He loves your hugs, they bring comfort, hope that he can be Simon again, and not Ghost.

– It’s not that frequent. He won't be uwu hugging you for any reason or anywhere.

– The only part you should be surprised about is if you guys are in public, really exposed and he does this. Otherwise, normal programming - Hugs when you get home from missions, hugs when you go to sleep, maybe the occasional hug from behind just to smell you after a nightmare or when you're cooking.

– And it’s not a strange hug. Maybe the first and second time yes - this man doesn't hug anyone, I swear - And then he's already more relaxed under your touch.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

– He doesn't say, at least not until at least 10 months into the relationship. And he would tell you that when you were sleepy, probably.

– But, he writes them. He does this around the 7th or 8th month of dating. He starts writing letters with little sloppy hearts and an "ily." dry at the end.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

– He's not jealous. This man is too confident! (Remember, he's confident he's handsome in "quite the opposite," yk. That doesn't mean he doesn't have sad days, they just aren't as frequent.)

– If he's jealous, you'll know with the soft looks he gives you! 🥰🥰 (He will stare into your soul and that of the rookie who is flirting with you, biting himself with jealousy beneath that mask).

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

– They are chaste, quick kisses. When necessary, he will kiss you properly - A little slower, his hands holding your waist tightly.

– He likes to kiss your cheek. He thinks it's cute and innocent - things you guys aren't.

– And he likes it when you stand on tiptoe to kiss him on the lips. It just boosts his ego, he can't help it.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

– I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS PART! GOD- have you ever seen him talking and playing with his nephew?!?!?!? This man likes children, please!!! ;(((

– Anyway, he likes children. Yes he is scary but there is always that one child who sympathizes with him. He's just squeamish about it, he's a killer dealing with children. He feels weird but he still likes it because it reminds him of his little late nephew :((.

– I don't know if it made sense, but this man is simply soft on children. He will teach them how to be little devils-

– And about having children, he is hesitant. He has some not very cool ideas, he's not to blame for that. He grew up being traumatized. He is afraid of taking it out too aggressively on his son/daughter for silly reasons, so please, if you want to have a child with him, you will have to change him and manage to keep him calm.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

– They are lazy. Not that you'll go back to sleep, you'll spend a few more minutes lying down, just gossiping about the other soldiers while exchanging some kisses and smiles, with his strong arms wrapped around you.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

– Oh man. This is complicated.

– Firstly, he is a very light sleeper. If you move a lot in bed, he will wake up every time. A sound a little too loud like a falling feather? He will listen. He just can't change it.

– Secondly, he has nightmares. Oh yes he has them. Just imagine you're sleeping peacefully and then you feel him grabbing you, almost hurting you because of his grip. You will have to fight to wake him up from it and the marks will stay for a few days. He feels bad about it. Many times he would rather spend days on the couch than sleep with you next to him again.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

– He is neither too slow nor too fast. He opens up a little if you ask, but only what you ask. He will say this calmly, pausing and sometimes finishing explaining or adding more details the next day.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

– He has problems, but I think he is as calm as possible, at least with you. He is angry on missions. he gets nervous a few hours after them when they go wrong, but he calms down when he approaches you, when he sees that you are waiting for him and are ready to listen to him.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

– He remembers many details about you, but sometimes they are strange things. The way your eyebrows look when you doubt something, the way you eat, the way you write. Maybe some more normal details, like what you like to eat, what you really like, the type of movie/series/book you like.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

– I believe the day you ran into his arms after a mission. The first time he felt that there was someone who loved him and waited for him after so long.

– Probably also your first kiss, this man was nervous and clashed his teeth with yours. Forgive him, he was nervous >:(

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

– He is not very protective, he knows your strength.

– But if you ask, he can almost be a distant shadow of you.

– and he likes and doesn't like being protected, you know? He wants to be protected - when you are alone, when you are lying down and he is afraid of nightmares, but he also wants to protect you, he wants to be your guard dog, he will check doors and windows if you focus in fear of a noise at night.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

– I feel like he has a little memory problem for dates. He can't help it, he's so busy killing other people, how can he think about his relationship anniversary?

– But when he remembers, he'll write big letters and probably buy you something like a teddy bear. He tries as hard as he can.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

– He doesn't usually take a shower right after arriving from missions. He's too tired, so he just plops down on his couch, it's all dirty and you feel like making him sleep in Riley's little house because of it, but you understand him and you let him rest.

– He drinks and can say nasty things. Not in a bad way, but he can just be a little rough with you when that happens. That would be one of the reasons he would break up with you - his brutality.

– I feel like he might be a bit of a complainer. He adores you, God, there's nothing he loves more in the world, but don't make a serious mistake around him. He will tell you things that a BORING father would say until you feel bad and maybe start crying. He will calm down and hug you, trying to calm you down.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

– He’s not really worried about himself. God, he just wears that mask for everything-

– If you insist, he could wear something very different from what he usually wears, but this would only happen when he can be sure he is safe at home, because then he can do without the mask for you.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

- Oh yeah. His little heart hurts when he gets hurt a little too much on a mission, because he knows you're going to cry. You cry over anything that involves almost losing him!

– He sometimes misses you when he needs to sleep in an abandoned building. If you are a soldier of the TF-141, sometimes Price can send you to different locations and this ruins your beloved Ghost. He likes you a lot.

X = Xtra (a random headcanon for them)

- I feel like he has an allergy to sweet smells. Not a very serious allergy, but he may sniffle his nose if you wear a very sweet perfume around him.

- I don't know, but I imagine he has tourette :(. This came when I saw a video of him on Tik Tok, he keeps moving his head to check the sides (Of course, rightly so) but I feel like sometimes he has some attacks, where he might be talking to you and suddenly he turns his head to the side, sometimes raising his shoulders in a defensive manner or reacting with his hands that ends up almost punching you. It's something that came from trauma/PTSD, please take care of this little big man. He only has you.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

– Sorry messy readers (and myself) but he doesn’t like clutter at home. At least not when he doesn't arrive tired from missions, he's strange. He will organize things perfectly, so please keep things clean.

– Also, please don’t try to irritate him on purpose. You'll end up hitting a nerve and he'll hurt you, either by accidentally slapping you or pulling you away from him. He has a problem with that, but he bears your irritation upon him. Just don't overdo it, beauties.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

– HE SNORES, HE SLEEP VERY QUICKLY AND WAKES UP VERY EASILY.

– In fact, his snoring is strange, it’s choking, you know? (pls say yes)

– Please hold his head close to your chest. He likes listening to your heartbeat, he thinks it calms him on bad nights.

[nobodysdaydreams]

LOVELACE IS HERE...

...BUT IS SHE AN EVIL CLONE ROBOT?

Also Blessie is now one of my favorite characters 🌱💕

(or my reaction to WOLF359 Episodes 21-22, mini episode 2, and Episodes 23-24, and mini episode 3).

Gonna keep my intro for this one short and just dive right into it.

Tagging the mutuals who got me invested in this, and if you want to be tagged or untagged from these posts, lmk, or you can follow my blog or simply follow the tag "#bods wolf359 reactions". Anyone who has followed me for a while knows my updates are inconsistent, so I apologize in advance for that. And for any spelling/grammar mistakes in my posts.

@sophieswundergarten @oflightningandstars @acollectionofcuriousreblogs

Episode 21: Minkowski Commanding

Okay. Have I done enough to earn a break? No. Have I done a lot and am complete burnt out? Yeah. So let's do this. I have had a LOT of mutual hype around this episode, so I'm ready to be dazzled.

I'm also eating and work while I listen, so sorry if my notes get short (I say knowing full well I'm gonna get distracted and type insane amounts of notes).

MINKOWSKI? I think this is the first episode she'd done the "welcome to Wolf359" thing. Or maybe I'm just unobservant (I also will often accidently skip the welcome phrase because I press the 30sec ahead button to skip commercials).

Enemy? Being watched? Oh... is this about Blessie isn't it 😂

I love this. We still don't know where Blessie came from and what he wants. Why not take him back to Cutter? Since he apparently loves aliens so much, maybe you can feed him to Blessie. In the meantime I supposed Hilbert will do as a mid-flight snack.

"It took a screwdriver" / "how do we know that's all it wants?"

Uh...

Hm. Interesting. Marks in the vents. I wonder if they are Blessie's.

Oh my this is intense. PFFT- "Slimy thief" 😂

Also maybe it's just me, but unless you have a clear shot and the situation calls for it, it seems to be a pretty stupid idea to be firing a gun off in space.

EXACTLY. Come on Minkowski, you're the smart one most of the time. But I suppose we all have our days.

A net?😂😂😂 This is fantastic.

Maybe they can stop Cutter with some home alone style traps.

"I need to make more acid" oh my goodness-

"The acid may have been a mistake. Turns out it developed an immunity to it. And possibly, an affinity." I'm sorry, WHAT. Hilbert. How. How did you do this.

RETRACTABLE SPIKES IT CAN SHOOT?

And yes, plants need light. But Minkowski, please don't. Please please please don't.

THANK YOU DOUG.

"We admire and support you and we want you to catch the plant monster- this is an intervention" 😂

PLEASE. Doug's imitation of Hilbert's voice and knowing they are the same actor...absolute talent. "You sound nothing like him" (winks at the audience).

Yeah I agree Doug. It is strange for you to be the sensible one in the situation. And again, this feels like you're trying to solve the problem you can rather than the problem that's the most immediate issue. Like getting back to Earth as fast as you can and putting a bullet in Cutter's head.

Wow. That was um harsh. Poor Hera. Oh no.

"Just remember that we're here okay." Aw.

Hour three in the black? This is a dangerous game. I don't like that sound. Florescent moss? Territory marker? Don't like where this is going.

Hilbert: "Ah. Specimen 34. Fascinating hybrid" "I don't care how you made it."

DON'T CARE? I DO. HILBERT: WHAT IS IT A HYBRID OF?

Please tell me it's not a hybrid of plants and a person on the ship.

Please tell me you would not be that stupid.

Can it bred? Is it predatory? "Based on history of parent species" WHO ARE THE PARENTS HILBERT.

Both are possible? Don't like that.

And Hilbert. Why would you make this plant, and why would you make the spiders? Why did you want them to grow this big? What is the goal of this?

Well looks like we'll find out.

Oh dear.

The tentacle is dead?

Minkowski. What about the rest of the plant?

OH DEAR.

Final day? Eliminated tentacles, spikes, and leaves? This needs to end.

HARPOON?

You might be closer to going home if you just...went home. Is Cutter gonna blow you out of the sky? There has to be a way to shut off the ship's tracker or fake your own death.

Found it? Lair? Minkowski almost sounds impressed.

Oh. It built itself a little lamp. A nightlight.🥺 Percival B. Eternal just wants to feel the sun. He must be pretty light deprived up in deep space.🥺

DOESN'T MATTER? MINKOWSKI. STOP.

Minkowski please hesitate. Eiffel is stuck in another trap? Ominous ticking sound? Thank goodness, go save Eiffel.

Oh the plant DOES understand. Huh. Seems like they have an understanding.

But. What was the plant made from?

Sedatives in the tea 😂

Reached an understanding? That's true. It DID have opportunities to kill you. But it no longer wants you dead. Which is interesting, because it did before. And that makes me think that it might want Hilbert dead. Because it took over Hilbert's mind and said to Eiffel "you are no better than the oppressor" so perhaps it blames Hilbert for it's creation.

"It wants what we want. To survive. To make it somewhere. To not be in the dark."

That's beautiful and yeah, Blessie can't thrive in space, plants need light.

Spacecraft? Hopefully rescue. But given that it's season 2, I have doubt. One lifeform.

Who is that? ISABEL LOVELACE? SHE'S ALIVE?

(I say as if I didn't see her name pop up 50x before I blocked the tags...still an interesting way for her to return).

Hilbert you lying liar. Tsk-tsk. Looks like she didn't incinerate. But...she couldn't survive in a pod for a year and a half. So...how?

Is this really Isabel Lovelace?

Is she from the past? The future? Is she a clone or science experiment made by Cutter and Hilbert to trick everyone? Is she the real empty man?

Oh and for the record, I've gotten messages from people asking why I keep talking about the empty man. I assumed that that was a real invisible creature that snuck aboard based on what Hera and Hilbert were saying about it in the alone episode (Hera mentions an invisible unseen presence she won't tell them about, and Hilbert hears a knock on his door and asks "why are you here? You weren't here on the other missions?"), but apparently I've been played like a fiddle. Would for sure fail that psych eval, but it's not even an ethical or standardized evaluation in the first place, so I don't feel bad at all about that.

Also, side note, you know what gets me the most about so many fictional (and unfortunately some irl) "men of great science" who do super bad and unethical things all in the name of their great work? Well, besides all the unethical stuff? It's that most of the time, their "genius experiments" aren't even good science. They're just doing random stuff in the hopes that something will work itself out, usually without any attempt at a control group, sometimes they don't even take their own safety into account, other times they don't even know enough about what they're doing to come to any sensible conclusion or account for unintended consequences. "Oh sacrifices must be made for the greater good, oh genius men like me don't need to abide by ethics" okay well can you at least abide by common sense or is that too genius for you? The point is I don't really care how smart you are, pride cancels out intellect, and at this rate Hilbert and Cutter are gonna get themselves and everyone else killed. I don't think Cutter is even a scientist. He calls himself "Mr. Cutter" (not doctor) and talks about money like he's a business man villain trusting Hilbert to do the science, which, bad move buddy. Bad move.

Episode 22: Mutually Assured Destruction

Don't like the sound of the title.

Oh boy. Two commanders lead to conflict. We're gonna need to establish some ground rules.

Blue ship and red ship collided? Oh Minkowski knows the codes.

"What is the point of an empty gun?" To threaten Eiffel.

Wait..."How did you bring me back here?"

They...they didn't Lovelace.

So who did?

Right, play her the messages from herself.

Vessel to return to earth? Yeah, it does seem impossible. Oh...interesting. An astrophysics figures out how to get back to earth. Then said astrophysicist disappears. What a crazy coincidence.

Oh. THAT'S why they don't have an astrophysicist this time. They want to make sure they don't get that close to getting back this time.

"12 hours later she vanished" ...did she open some kind of gateway, or did command vaporize her?

Ah yes, Dr. Selburg. Yeah he does get sloppy. It seems one of his assignments was to not let them return to earth. But there's a grey door that he opens which apparently allows him to come back each time. Interesting.

Incapacitated him? How? And...how did Hilbert survive?

So...Lovelace was in cryo-sleep and went back to the Hephaestus?

Well...I have a theory: Command sent you back and compromised you so that you would take Hilbert's place as their inside man. Or woman. But it sounds like she's a bit more in the dark about what happened than he is.

Rhea.🥺Aw. A moment of silence for the fallen AI.

Oh yeah. Show her Hilbert.

Yes: "What happened to Captain Lovelace?" Get him commander. Get him!

Oh Hilbert. I hope for your sake this isn't a boy who cried wolf situation.

Oh wow the voice acting of Hilbert choking...true talent.

"They said..." hm. Now that's interested.

"They would never" Hilbert man you are drinking the Kool-Aid, command is using you. You are not indispensable.

Lovelace seems pretty eager for violence.

Interesting...Hilbert terrified of something. We didn't see that with anyone or anything else. Clone or robot replica? Good idea Doug.

I also wonder: was Hilbert always afraid of Lovelace? Or is he only afraid of her now that she's back?

"Is everything a joke to you" at this point, I think it has to be. How else do you survive this?

No long on Lovelace's ship? The computer not turned on before this morning? Then...where has it come from? It's highly unlikely that she would survive in space for three years. But Doug has a point. If these are lies, she should have a better one.

Hera...why are you unsure of whether you can help with the ship? It's hard to tell when she's hesitating due to code interference, having hesitation because the plan is bad, and hesitating because she doubts herself.

Oh yeah...this is awkward. It's like if you discovered another family living in your house and you started touching their stuff (because it's yours).

Oh the music! 📻🎶🎶🎶

Yeah...is there a pattern to the music? Why DO they send that?

Um. Yeah. You might want to drop the plant monster bomb slowly...

Interesting. Hera seems to REALLY not like this new ship. But...why? Again, it's hard to tell when she's nervous, leading them astray, or has a legit concern.

She...she wouldn't be able to go with them. 🥺 Oh. Yeah. They do have families, at least Minkowski does. So...I guess they'd need to go home. But then poor Hera would be all alone. But if they make it back, they could send a rescue party back for her! And she could turn herself off until then or use autopilot.

Ah yes. The empty man. Who apparently isn't real, unless the messages were a code for something.

Uh. Minkowski. What are you doing?

"Nobody's getting left behind" but what about Hilbert? I think he can stay in space for a while. He's been on a lot of missions, so he seems to like it here.

Lovelace. Why were you eavesdropping? Oh wow, interesting gun trap! And "I invented being paranoid" is a very unhinged thing to say.

And explosive device? Lovelace what is going on?

Doug. Doug stop them please. Stop them. What. BOMB. YOU'LL ALL DIE. DON'T DO COMMANDS WORK FOR THEM.

BLOW UP THE STATION! BUT WHAT ABOUT HERA! LOVELACE NO! WHAT ABOUT HERA? WE LEAVE NO ONE BEHIND (well except for Hilbert, he can get blown to bits I don't care)!

Yikes what a thrilling conclusion. And now a mini episode? Seems like a odd time for one. Last time Doug read letters to some third graders, is he just gonna...pause in the middle of this epic standoff to give his thoughts on his favorite movies? I guess we'll find out.

Mini Episode 2: Day One

Interesting this says from "Goddard Futuristics Archives". So they are saving all their messages. Incredibly creepy. Oh this is Doug's first log. Yeah...that's why the logs go to command. Sure.

Yep. It is spooky. Wonder what is making those creaking noises?

Oh poor Doug. Hephaestus is a difficult word, but I would have hoped you'd have heard it enough times by now.

Huh. "Weirdly big for just three people"

...yeah. Almost as if it was made for more people but they decided they didn't want an astrophysicist this time.

"The crew seems nice". 😐

Yeah you DO want to get along with Minkowski. Trust me.

"Dr. Hilbert. Seems friendly enough. Hard to understand what he's saying, but he seems nice enough. I haven't really seen him since we docked here. We've got plenty of time to get to know each other."

Hilarious considering it's the same voice actor, not to mention the irony.

"Creeped out by Hera" and now they are best friends. And Doug, Doug she can hear you. She hears everything.

Poor Hera.

Oh that's it? Huh. Interesting. I wonder if we'll get to hear any other cool logs...

Episode 23: No Pressure

Doug. I've enjoyed listening to you work together for the past episode (which I listened to while folding clothes, sorry for the lack of live reaction).

But Lovelace tried to help you! A fake emergency sounds like a scary idea. She's already on edge. And something tells me that this might lead to a REAL emergency.

Hera. Hera. What is this? This sounds like a very very very bad idea.

Plan B? Hopefully just talk to Lovelace nicely? I don't like this. They were getting along so well! The moth joke was nice!

I do not think this is gonna go well.

"Shut up" good for you Hera.

"This is gonna end well."

I don't think it will.

Episode 24: Tactical Brain Damage

I love the title. But I'm nervous.

Oh boy. Hera. "Communications officer who shall remain nameless" 😂😂😂

"We want her distracted not murderously enraged".

Then maybe this is a bad idea. Wait what? Hera what are your sensors picking up?

This isn't gonna end well is it?

I wonder if Lovelace is treating Hera like that because she reminds her of Rhea. Or however it's spelled.

Big red cable? What does that do?

Yeah. Maybe this isn't the best idea.

Oh. Eiffel is the alternative. Well then.

"Permission to speak freely sir" maybe it's just me, but it's odd that Eiffel calls them sir instead of ma'am. Is that a thing in the military or does Doug just not know the feminine version of the word and no one has bothered to correct him.

"What does Hera know" A lot. Yeah Lovelace. You need to show Hera some respect. She's really nice.

"Well educated guess". I do not like this. I do not like this at all.

Um...HERA? HERA.

Uh oh. Oh no. Don't like that alarm. That's a pretty bad alert.

Um..."I just went some where didn't I?" ...WHERE DID SHE GO? Oh dear? Corrupted code?

"Do you think she'll notice" 😂

I love that despite nearly dying every single episode, they keep their humor. I hope they survive this, but I doubt it.

I hope they at least get a half decent ending and drag Hilbert and Cutter down with them.

"What are the other two doing?"

Oh no. Lovelace is gonna snap.

"You're wrong" "I'm not. But that's okay. Because you still have time. Because my way is the only way."

...Lovelace. Lovelace please be reasonable. Don't forget who the real enemy is. And Doug. You might want to work on your trickery skills.

"Ow" "...is this hurting you?" Oh dear. Poor Hera.

"Would it hurt you?" "Is there a risk of permanent damage?" "Yes."

It's not worth it. It's not worth it. Poor Hera. Good job Minkowski, take care of the crew.

"I know you won't let anything happen to me". Oh okay. It's okay. I didn't need my heart.

And Hera is okay!

haha...yeah Eiffel's plan didn't exactly work out. Please don't antagonize Lovelace.

No. NOT HILBERT. DO NOT GO TO HIM FOR HELP EVEN WHEN HE TRIES TO HELP HE HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT VERY UNHELPFUL.

Mini Episode 3: Variations on a Theme

"The more things change, the more they stay the same".

This would be very scary. They are all gonna need intensive psychotherapy after this.

"Rhea checked in with me, that was then this is now. Hera's polite, her programming forces her to be, but I hear what she's really saying..."

😂The impressions. It's also sad that she misses Rhea.

Breaking bones, tossing her out an airlock, and leaving her to die??? Lovelace, Hera might be cold to you, but the feeling seems mutual, and she doesn't want you to die. The only person she's tried to kill is Hilbert, and if they stopped her from doing that, what makes you think that she'd try to kill you? That sounds wayyyy more like something Cutter would suggest. Where has he been anyway?

"More or less angry if she knew the truth?"

IF HERA KNEW THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT? Does something terrible happen to the AI units? Is she a copy of someone's brain or personality from a previous mission that Lovelace hates?

Normalize explaining things instead of all this ominous foreshadowing. And I know, okay, I know, when I write my own stuff, that's all I ever do. Call me a hypocrite if you want.

This is very creepy. She's lived through this so much and in space there's not much sense of time.

Oh right. Lambert was the communications officer right? Hilbert must have given him the virus too.

But um...didn't he die a horrible painful death?

"But does he know how it ends, what happens when he gets-"

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HE GETS WHAT? WHAT DOES THE VIRUS DO?

Any more ominous hints you'd like to drop Lovelace? I get the feeling you have quite a few.

Hera, Rhea. Yeah they are anagrams. I got the spelling right! It's also an anagram for "hear" which makes the "I always hear you" line more powerful.

"Everything...except him. He never goes away. He never changes."

...Hilbert or Cutter?

Oh Dr. Hilbert. Yeah. I wonder why he never goes away. And I don't think either of them feel much of anything at all.

"Stay way from the ghosts."

Easier said than done.

"You can never go home. You were home. And now you're back. And you can never go back."

...DID she get back? Did they wipe her memory and send her back?

"No friends no trust no safety"

WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD TELL THEM WHAT YOU KNOW.

In fact, I think they should all spill all their secrets. Out in the open. That way command has nothing on them.

But for some reason, I think it might be a while before that happens.

I think that's it for today guys, but I hope you enjoyed this. Thanks for reading!

[lemonthepotato]

HELP WITH ENNEAGRAM

I was originally gonna post this on r/enneagram but changed my mind. Please help if you can. <3

Expressing yourself through song lyrics sure is cringy and edgy. Glad I didn’t do that this post. Also, yes, this post will be long asf too. Sorry, but I’m bad at compressing things. If you don’t want to read it, don’t. Go on. Do something else. I don’t blame you lol. I understand if you don’t want to read allathat. Idk I’ll prolly delete this. Maybe.

Some of this borders on yapping but I cut a lot of irrelevant shit.

Haha… 69. I’m just saying, a part of me really wants my tritype to be 69X. It would be funny. Sorry, I’ll grow up. One day. Also, here’s a cringy little slideshow. Hope you like it.

SO. The consensus last time was that I was either a 6 or a 9, so while I’m skeptical, I went to research the differences. Starting with RHETI.

Before you say “look at core motives” isn’t the whole point of core motives that they’re subconscious? I don’t think it would help.

(Yes, I’m serious about using RHETI. Sorry, it’s convenient.)

“These types are actually frequently mistyped. Sixes and Nines are both concerned with security and with maintaining some kind of status quo situation.” Uh, no, I hate the status quo. And I’m not sure what security even means. I mean, yeah, negative change makes me upset, but positive change is good. And my life is so boring that I assure you, the status quo is not what I am interested in maintaining. I need a change. I’m constantly striving towards a better, more action-filled life.

“They are both family-oriented, and both tend to take modest views of themselves.” Nope. I’m actually pretty anti-natalist, and have no interest in ‘starting a family.’ My mortality is my burden to bear, not any hypothetical child’s. I don’t care for my family either, they’re all corrupt. And ‘modest’… maybe. I put on, and have for many years, a false bravado, but on the inside, I think I am kinda modest? I’ve always been told my writing is amazing, but truthfully, I don’t think it’s very good compared to other authors. I think I have a bad-okay singing voice, better than some other people. My art is bad. I think I know my skills. People praised my baking, but I thought it was just meh. I always think people are lying when they compliment me, which isn’t often.

“In short, Nines like to remain easy-going and unflappable. Nines work steadily at their tasks, but show little sign of being upset by the day's ups and downs. Sixes, on the other hand, cannot easily disguise their feelings. They get more easily worked-up and rattled by mishaps.” Well I definitely lean six there. I mean, I can disguise my feelings easily, except my anger. It’s the only emotion I can’t hide, and I’m easy to piss off.

“While Nines can remain silent within their own inner peace, Sixes need to vent with others periodically to discharge their fears and doubts.” Leaning six there, but if I feel rejected then I don’t vent. The closest recently was when I complained in a gc about low-content authors saturating the market on KDP. I tend to take a very strong stance when stating an opinion, and I may or may not have said “I want them to shove their year planners up” andddd you can guess the rest. From an objective standpoint, I know there’s not much wrong with making low content books… my problem should more be focused on bots stealing from authors, but I just, I guess exaggerate my anger?

“Sixes are more obviously nervous and defensive when they believe there are problems. Nines remain strangely bland in the face of problems, although beneath the pleasant surface of average Nines, there is stubborn resistance and an unwillingness to be upset or troubled by conflicts or problems.” Lean six there. If someone pisses me off, I’m not gonna reject my emotions.

“tend to be suspicious of unknown people and situations–they need to test people before they let them get close. Nines may be protected by the disengagement of their attention, but they tend to be trusting of others–almost to a fault.” Nope, always been more six there.

“Of course, under stress, when moving in their Direction of Disintegration, Nines will begin to act out some of the behaviors of average Sixes, and for this reason, some Nines will mistype themselves as Sixes. But such periods of overt anxiety generally do not last long. As soon as possible, Nines revert to their more easy going approach to things.” Well… I don’t know. I mean, I’ve always been very reactive and angry.

Subtypes:

Sx6: Okay so, denying fear is a 50/50. If someone intimates me, I usually will fight back, but sometimes if they break me too much, I’ll break down. I definitely feel “you’re only as strong as you think you are.” But I don’t want to give off the idea that I’m strong physically, only emotionally. I’ve always been seen as weak, and to a degree, I want to give off that weak, broken, lonely persona so I can be saved, or at the very least, used by someone drawn to that kind of person. Because… I am kinda weak. And I don’t mind being used, because from experience, even though being used has always sucked, I’ve never felt lonely by them. I can relate to being stubborn. I view everything as a challenge.

“These characters walk around with the idea that anyone can become dangerous, so they do everything they can to not feel cheated, manipulated, taken advantage of, or attacked.” Yeah, maybe more so nowadays. When I’m out of the house, I’m constantly wary of people.

“Despite being aggressive as part of their effort to intimidate through strength, Sx Sixes tend not to acknowledge their aggressive side and may not be aware of it-or at least of the intensity of it.” Nah, I’m pretty aggressive and aware of it. I don’t think it was always that way.

“They also tend to separate their emotions: aggression is disconnected from fear, and sex is disconnected from feelings of love and intimacy.” Eh? Maybe? Not really tbh.

“They may have the illusion that they are spontaneous, but they tend not to be.” …Is this true for me? Idk, maybe.

“Sx Sixes tend to be very contrarian.”

Very true for me honestly. Sometimes I’ll argue even when I agree with people.

Sp6:

“They also have difficulty in looking at things as black and white, as they can see multiple shades of gray in between everything.” Depends.

“Seeing themselves as constantly at fault, they also feel persecuted: they project their internal persecution externally. It is a form of paranoid thinking which incurs the following: other people are always ready to catch your faults, attack you, and criticize you, and if they do not, it is only because it is convenient for them to hide their intentions at the moment to ensure they punch down the line.” Oh 100%.

“Self-Preservation Sixes fear anger, aggression, provocation, and confrontation. Being afraid of other people's aggression means they can't let their own aggression out.” I mean yes, but no. I don’t immediately resort to anger if I know the person is a loose cannon, but at some point, I have to protect myself.

“As the most phobic of the three Sixes, the avoidant Self-Preservation subtype equates love with protection, and in looking for love they search for a source of security to compensate for an inner sense of insecurity. This Six wants to find a strong person to lean on, and they many be excessively friendly and giving as a way of preventing an attack from outside. In order to feel the strength they are lacking, the Self-Preservation Six attracts the affections or protection of somebody strong-the more forceful presence of another helps them to feel safer.” I mean yeah. I guess I’ve flipped between sp6 and sx6 behaviours my whole life. I feel like the only way to be liked is to either be completely aggressive or completely submissive. Those are the only versions of me that “exist.” I just can’t tell which is real.

So6: “Consciously or unconsciously, Social Sixes fear the disapproval of authorities and believe the way to be safe is to do the right thing as determined by an authority. And knowing what the right thing is means having clear rules that tell you how you should think and act.” Kinda. I’m just saying, it wouldn’t be hard to trick me into joining a cult, that’s all really.

“Social Sixes have an intolerance of ambiguity. They fear ambivalence and have little tolerance of uncertainty, because to them, uncertainty equals anxiety. As a result, they have a love of precision and see things more in terms of black and white than gray.” Kinda.

I don’t fear making mistakes.

Sx9: “Sx Nines unconsciously express a need to be through another- to gain a sense of "being" they don't find inside themselves through fusion with somebody else.” Yeah, but it’s not unconscious… anymore.

“These Nines feel a sense of loneliness or abandonment that seems like it can only be filled by another person, whether or not they realize it consciously.” True.

“The problem inherent in this stance, of course, is that true union- a real relationship between two people - requires that both people stand on their own feet before coming to meet each other.” Oh see, that kinda gave me a chill… no. I don’t want to be alone, ever. I don’t think I can be alone. I don’t like it.

“Sx Nines tend to be very kind, gentle, tender and sweet. They are the least assertive of the Nines.” 👎 nuh uh. I mean again, if it was in a context where I fully trusted someone then yeah but nuh uh.

“Sx Nines may also share central concerns with Type Twos in that they can lack a solid sense of self and then look to their important relationships as a way to find self-definition or a sense of identity. Twos differ from these Nines, however, in that they focus more attention on constructing an image. Twos also usually enjoy being the center of attention, while this is much less comfortable for Sx Nines.” I mean yeah, I love attention and always have, but no one in the last post suggested 2, so it’s unlikely I’m a 2. Maybe sp2, but still, I don’t think so. Maybe? Maybe not. Maybe…

Sp9: Basically sx9 but if their partner was a potato chip. Also, I might be a black and white thinker considering my dad just said he was making breakfast or lunch and my first thought was “well, it’s one or the other.” Sorry, not related.

Reading this is basically just how I acted from 2018-2021. Not a good time in my life. I don’t like being alone. I haven’t “resigned” myself to not finding love, my whole logic in those four years was “well, when I’m 18, I’m gonna work hard for the rest of my life, so I should enjoy these years before I can’t do it anymore.” which consisted of barely being able to leave the bed. So fun.

I mean no, I don’t use physical activity to create a self. Maybe through my work, but I don’t like slacking off, so maybe not.

Oh yeah, someone suggested I might be a 1 in the last post. The only 1 subtype I even closely relate to is the old version of sx1. Core type? Sure, to a degree. But idk. Most people said either 6 or 9 so I’m not sure. And 9w8 > 9w1 at that degree.

I don’t relate much to the core of 2. It’s more that I want to be looked after than looking after others. I feel the only way to serve others is to improve my appearance and serve them through giving myself to them. As for 3, I really related to a degree, but no one else agreed, and honestly, maybe you’re right. Not a 4, I’m nowhere near having enough of an identity to be a 4. 5 just makes no sense to me. 7 makes a lot of sense to me but I don’t relate to ignoring negative emotions. I’m not confident enough to be an 8. I guess that leaves me with 6 and 9, along with maybe 2 as an option. Maybe 3.

I think 9 is unlikely, honestly, so let’s narrow that to 6, 2 and 3. Definitely had a lot of sp2 behaviours as a kid. Lmao, I was gonna say “but honestly, I didn’t feel entitled cuz I did anything, just for existing” and that’s literally the next paragraph written about sp2. I’m not gonna fall into the trap of relating to subtype over core type, because I don’t really relate to the core type of 2. Maybe when I was younger. I remember when my parents argued, I would try and mediate things, because I didn’t like it, but I just got yelled at. I would also sometimes do things for others to get validation, but I don’t remember if it was a core trait.

Wanna hear a fun fact? Growing up, my mom fell for an MLM, so me and her went door to door shilling makeup products… yep, she used a little young innocent me who was acting very friendly to the people there, for some reason, to shill products. I don’t know why I was so friendly to those random people. To prove myself?

See I relate to 3, but no one agreed with that in the last post, so maybe not. I do relate to cultivating a persona and hiding negative traits. It’s why these posts are so hard to make. But, I’m not exactly GOOD at getting attention. I mean, growing up, I wasn’t very well liked even if I wanted to be popular. I’ve always wanted to be famous.

Six is complicated because I can relate to the core to a degree, but none of the subtypes, or 50/50 on each subtype. Nine is just… I don’t see much 9 in me.

Anyway, uhh, what else should I say? This post has dragged on long enough. If you want to read my other type me post, it’s like, the post before the last post on this account I think. It’s also very long.

Oh yeah, I had another brief friend that destroyed my trust by telling me to end my life by insulting me using insults based on the things I vented to him about. Hence once of the many reasons I have trust issues. That guy was very fucked up though. Tried stabbing his dad n shit. Pressured me into doing weird shit. Fucked shit man. Anyway. That’s all.

Ok, that’s all.

…I thought this would be shorter. Anyway, I guess if you have any questions/need elaboration, comment. Again I’m very sorry this post is long, I suck at compressing shit.

If the consensus is 9 again, then I’ll just accept that I was in ~DeNile.~ 😅 I just don’t think I’m calm enough.

Idk I’ll probably delete this post. It’s just- I’ve tried figuring it out on my own and it’s very difficult.

Edit: This post is old (5 months old) and I doubt I’m a 9. I was torn between 3 and 6 when I wrote this, then I got torn between 4 and 6. 4 and 6 have been the most consistent parts of my typing, so I settled on 4. Sometimes I wonder if I’m a 5 due to this but I have a very strange relationship with type 5? It was the type I questioned the least except for 8, and like, I never had any valid reason to deny it other than not ‘feeling’ like a five and the only type I considered was sx5 very briefly. I could go more in depth but 9 is very unlikely now. Also I don’t use wings anymore, at least the way people use em.)

[novieight]

"Blushing faces covered in pink! Rushing bombs, exploding ink!"

"Faces blush, a rush of ink! Bombs explode, no time to think!"

hi everyone!! im finally making a masterpost or intro post whatever you call it!!! so first im gonna tell about myself i guess lmao im so awkward ANYWAYS-

my name is Novan!!! im a genderfluid transmasc lesbian!!

im a MINOR!!!!!!!!!!

i go by he/they pronouns

i have a splatoon hyperfixation as well as sky: cotl, disney twisted wonderland, toilet bound hanako kun, and kid icarus!!!! talk to me about any of them!!!

im an age regressor and also part of the tk community ^///^

go follow my friend @4low3r!!!!!!! theyre super fuckin cool and their writing is really good!!!

now for some basic dni, triggers, etc.

dni if proship, prolife, anti-anti, etc. basic dni stuff

dni if homophobic, transphobic, racist, etc.

most find this strange but if you openly post about in depth religion PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU DNI!!!!! it triggers my derealization :(

i get triggered by mentions of manipulation, su!c!de, threatening one's life, etc. so please be careful with those topics around me!!

i have trypanophobia so needles and excessive blood (irl, art stuff is fine) really scares me

please dont reality check me as it really upsets me

saying this again please DNI IF YOU ARE A RELIGIOUS ACCOUNT!!!! DO NOT TRY TO "CONVERT" OR "MAKE ME REPENT" I WILL INSTANTLY BLOCK AND REPORT YOU!!!!

ummmmm what else do i put here OH I GUESS A BYF LIST IS GOOD I DONT KNOW IM TRYING TO TAKE UP SPACE HERE

i spam post like A LOT; im the type to reblog LOADS of art and fics and stuff, so if you dont like when users clutter your dash beware of me i guess lol

if you couldnt tell i get really awkward about some subjects so just i dont know just thought i should say that

i DO reblog tk content so if you dont want to see that then you probably shouldnt follow me

i also have these random thoughts and rants and stuff and yeah i can act really different at times sooooo uh yeah

i am an undiagnosed autistic; i still live with my abusers because im not old enough to live on my own BUT as soon as i can get safely tested for autism i will see about a real diagnosis

i do vent on here sometimes so if you dont want to see me talking about potentially triggering topics i would block the tag "novasvents" because i always tag my vent posts with that

i should also mention that i am part of the selfship community!! i self ship with frye and riddle rosehearts as well as a few others!!

now how about a list of the characters that i am!! (bolded = more frequent!!)

callie cuttlefish (splatoon)

hypno!callie (splatoon)

aloha (coroika)

frye (splatoon)

mei shijima (toilet bound hanako kun)

emma 63194 (the promised neverland)

lilia vanrouge (disney twisted wonderland, diasomnia)

basil (omori)

mitsuba sousuke (toilet bound hanako kun)

miko villager (bad end night by hitoshizuku x yama)

viridi (kid icarus: uprising)

ENA (Joel G)

anddddd thats about all i can think of!! stay fresh!!

[blvckquill]

Sequel post to this more #🌱 posting (read: venting)

As of late I've found myself getting a bit more bummed for seemingly no reason. Before anyone potentially says that it could have something to do with all the fundraisers I've been asked to share, I will quickly shut that down and say that is not the reason. These feelings of sadness happen outside of me using tumblr.

These feelings are once again, not as intense as they once were before I was medicated. But they're still obvious enough for me to just kinda stop whatever it is I'm doing and wonder where these feelings are coming from. I should mention that I'm still on my medication, though right now I am on my last batch of pills until I find a new doctor to potentially prescribe me more or help me wean off of them (I don't think going cold turkey with these meds would be a good idea even with the low dosage that I'm on).

These feelings could be stemming from a place of dread as I will be going back to school in a few weeks and will be attempting to be a full time student. They could also be coming from a place of what feels like loneliness? I haven't had very much person-to-person interaction with people that aren't my immediate family. And when I am interacting with my family I can only stand to be around them for so long until there's a part of me that wants to get away from them and go right back to basically isolating myself.

And yet when I acknowledge the fact that I'd rather be isolating myself I also find that I'm in an argument with myself over whether or not it's a good idea.

I don't want to be around these people. So therefore I should just leave before I do or say something that will get me in trouble. But at the same time, if I leave or try to excuse myself for a long period of time I'll still get in trouble or just get called back within 2 minutes of walking away. Not only that but do I also really want to be alone right now? I think I do... But also I'm doubting myself.

When I get stuck in these back and forth arguments with myself I find that I'm no longer really present with my surroundings. Yes I am still there at the table/in the room/what have you physically, but mentally I'm not there. I might respond to your questions with short answers "Uh-huh," "nope," "I dunno..." but I'm not fully listening and I know this but can't fully shake myself out of this state because I'm still stuck thinking to myself "I should leave. But you can't walk away in the middle of a conversation. But we don't want to be here anymore.

And there it is.

"We don't want to be here anymore. We should leave. Every time this woman speaks she's making them upset but she doesn't seem to understand that because they aren't making it obvious to her. But at the same time, if they tried to make it obvious they would just end up getting in trouble..."

"I think they have made it obvious that's why she's getting more upset at the answers they're trying to give. We should just try to relax and push through this conversation that way it can be over faster."

Those thoughts simultaneously are and are not my own, at least I don't think they are.

And maybe that's where that aforementioned feeling of sadness comes from. Maybe it wasn't just a feeling of loneliness but rather, the feeling of being ignored. I am familiar with this feeling, but again when it comes on out of nowhere, even if I hadn't been talking to someone, it feels strange.

[everest-is-dead-now]

The Serpent — Three

[chapters]: one | previous | next

A new story I decided to publish for the hell of it. The story will contain themes of religious guilt, homophobia, and sexual content. Warnings will be posted by the chapter.

“Abel Stokes, a priest in the small town of Static, Tennessee, encounters a strange man who would lead him down the path of temptation.”

This chapter will contain sexual content, religious discussion, guilt, vomiting, and purging.

~2.4k words.

Three

His father called him.

It had been a few weeks since Quincy had appointed him to TeenFaith mass. The next day, Abel would be doing his second mass with the program. Whether it was because he wanted to forget about the whole thing or anxiety making his mind avoid it, he had neglected to finish writing his homily, which is what he was doing at home that Saturday evening. In a few hours, he would have to do his normal Saturday mass at eleven, then, presumably, meet with Anson again.

Anson kept coming, week after week. He complained about his unrequited love for thirty minutes a night, every week, to Abel who could only offer meaningless adages. Despite feeling like he was useless, Anson must have found him helpful, because he never stopped showing up. Every now and again Abel would think to say something poignant about religion, which he hoped affected Anson in some way. Anson had said he was cutting down on masturbation, but that was still the only thing they ever talked about.

Abel was sitting on his worn couch in his tiny apartment, scribbling away in his notebook. The page was filled with scratched out paragraphs, random words scattered about, messes of ink. He worried his father would hear it. That it would not be what he expected. That he would continue to be disappointed in him being a hermit priest. That he would immediately fail and get thrown off the schedule. Revision after revision, Abel agonized over every word.

That was when his father called.

“Hey, Abe. How about dinner after your TeenFaith mass tomorrow? On me.”

“Oh. Uh, sure.”

“Is something wrong?”

“No,” Abel stared hopelessly at his notebook. “I’m fine.”

“Alright,” He said in that way that he knew something was amiss, but was willing to drop it. “Do you mind where we go?”

“No.”

“Will you be more chatty at dinner?”

“No.” Despite himself a small grin appeared on his face.

He heard the smile in his dad’s voice as he responded, “Too bad. I’ll let you go now, kiddo. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

His face fell as he hung up. He rubbed his eyes. He knew his dad was not happy with Abel’s current status in the church being a recluse. For the last two years, Abel had avoided the thought, but now, faced with his future, he shamefully wondered if he had chosen the right path after all. He quickly removed the thought from his mind.

He only wrote a couple of sentences more before he left for mass. Afterwards, he tried to cram as much writing as he could before Anson appeared. Only a few more words after that. Perhaps he would wing it. When he heard voices echoing in the church—Anson and the custodian—he finally gave up and dropped his notebook on the ground.

“Good evening,” Anson immediately made himself at home, easing into the chair across from him, tossing his long arms over the armrests and sitting with his legs cast wide. Abel felt too drained to deal with him.

“Hey, Anson.”

“You doing alright?”

Abel sighed, sinking down in his chair. “Yeah, sorry. I just… Have a lot goin’ on.”

“Hm. Tell me about it.”

“It’s nothing. This is s’posed to be your time anyway.”

“You’re not my therapist, Father Abel. I like to think we share a mutual friendship.”

Mutual was pushing it. Friendship was too far. Abel looked at him blankly. If they were friends, they wouldn’t talk about Anson’s sexual behavior nearly as often. Not at all, really. But the prospect of being able to express the thoughts which had been plaguing his mind for hours was a welcome one. Abel imagined the relief of venting, something he very rarely had the chance to do these days.

“Okay,” he sighed.

Anson smiled at him, raising his eyebrows in inquiry.

“I guess I’m a little stressed. I’m supposed to do the TeenFaith mass tomorrow, but I’m nervous about my dad reacting to it—he’s a deacon here. He really liked my homily the first time, but I’m worried he won’t like it this time, so I’ve been struggling to write it.”

“What happens if he doesn’t like it?”

“Nothing,” he admitted. “But he wants me to get more involved in the parish, so that means saying stuff that’ll connect with people.”

“Do you want to be more involved?”

No. And knowing he thought that, he felt terrible.

“I’m a priest, aren’t I?” he said instead. “Community’s what it’s all about.”

“What made you become a priest?” Anson rested his head on his hand, crossing his legs.

“My dad. I mean—no, he didn’t make me. He… Inspired me. I basically grew up in this church.”

“So, the church community?” Anson mused. Abel shook his head.

“I love the church itself. It’s gorgeous. I like feelin’ God’s presence all around me. When I was a kid, I liked hearin’ my dad talk and watchin’ him hand out the Eucharist, sittin’ in my front row pew. It felt like home, but no one else had anythin’ to do with that. Just my dad.”

“That’s sweet,” Anson smiled. “But why be a priest and not, say, a deacon? Something with a little more freedom.”

“Oh. Yeah… My dad always told me he wished he could become a priest.” He played with his fingers, staring at his lap. “I guess I thought he’d be happy if I did.”

“If he was a priest, wouldn’t you not have been born?”

Abel shrugged, “He only really got involved in the church and became deacon when my mom left, so… I don’t know.”

“Ah. Sorry to hear that.”

“Oh, don’t worry. It was right after I was born, so I don’t have any feelings about it,” He tried to laugh it off.

Anson gave him a strange look, though it was mostly empathetic. “I’m sure you won’t disappoint your dad. You’ve been a wonderful person to me. You’re already making him proud for certain.”

“Well, maybe. I just feel like…” Like he hasn’t been a good priest. That he is reluctant to engage with his community. That he is forced to repress his sexual urges and hide himself from everyone. That he is hardly a man, but a tangled web of anxiety, guilt, and secrets. “Like… Maybe I could do more.”

Anson regarded him for a long moment. His gaze was heavy on Abel, like he could see the emotions and thoughts between his words.

“What would you do if you weren’t a priest?” He asked suddenly.

“Uh— Hm. I don’t know,” he mumbled. “Maybe raise horses.”

“Horses?” Anson laughed. “Why that?”

Abel could not help but to share his laugh. “My dad was a rancher growing up. He sold most of his farm when I was a baby, but he kept one horse named Sugarcane. I helped take care of him pretty much until I went to college. He died around the time I graduated, but before I went to seminary school. It was almost like losing a brother.”

Abel continued to chuckle off his story, and was delighted to hear Anson share his amusement.

Anson said, “I never thought of you as a farmer. I bet you’d look cute in a straw hat.”

Abel laughed, but went quiet as Anson’s words sunk in. He cleared his throat. “Yeah.”

“You’re really a very interesting person,” Anson shifted in his seat, “I feel sorry I haven’t talked to you about yourself until now.”

“I’m not that interestin’. Besides, I’m happy to help.”

“You have been helpful. Very helpful.”

Abel did not say anything. Anson leaned back in his chair, and his hand very casually rested over his crotch. Abel stiffened, though he knew that Anson did so by mistake. Or, he thought it was. He tried to look at anything else.

Anson continued, “But unfortunately, I’ve been relapsing lately. It’s not your fault; I guess I’ve been lonely.”

Dread filled Abel. “Maybe you could try to lean on your friends and family for support.”

“Ah. I’m embarrassed,” Anson shook his head. Abel watched as his hand shifted around, even as he tried not to. “I don’t have any. Not around here. You’re all I have, Father Abel.”

“Oh,” he said. Anson was fiddling with his belt, his zipper. He neither wanted it to continue nor to stop. Anson’s right hand took over every thought in his head.

“Father, is there something on your mind?” Anson’s voice was provocative; Abel continued to convince himself it was all in his head.

“No. I’m— I’m sorry,” He blushed hard. His body was reacting. “It’s late, maybe you should get goin’.”

“Are you sure? I like talking to you, Abel.”

“Father,” he whispered.

Anson gave a low laugh. His fingers kept tracing circles in his pants. “Father Abel. My mistake. Do you really want me to go?”

“…I don’t know,” he admitted quietly.

Anson, fiddling with his zipper, managed to pull it down just enough for Abel to catch a glimmer of his black underwear. It was then Abel realized how hard he’d been staring, and quickly adjusted his gaze to look him in the eyes. That was worse; Anson watching him knowingly, smirking, tilting his head playfully.

“I… I— um… Anson…”

“Father Abel.” Anson gazed at him darkly. “Tell me you want me to stop.”

There it was. An acknowledgment of what they were both thinking. Anson was about to sin before his eyes. For him.

He could not bring himself to say the word.

Anson readjusted himself on the chair, sitting so that he was leaning back with his legs spread. Both hands fell to his belt, which he undid slowly. The room was unnervingly silent except for the clinking of metal as his belt unclasped.

Abel glanced at the clock. It was far past midnight. The custodians would have already gone. They were alone.

He unzipped his pants slowly. Abel saw the bulge in his briefs and became lightheaded.

“Wait, just wait!” Abel covered his face, and he felt the heat emanating from his skin. He shook his head fervently. “Stop. Okay? Stop!”

Abel sank into himself, unable to reconcile with what was about to happen. He heard, in the silence of the room, Anson zip his pants back up, putting his belt back on, and stand. When he peeked at him from behind his hands, Anson was standing over him.

“Sorry,” he said, but he was still smiling. “Guess I got carried away.”

Abel glared at him. Anson faltered slightly.

“I’ll leave you alone.”

He walked away, saying “Goodnight,” as he left the room.

Abel spiraled in his absence, overwhelmed by his own thoughts. Thinking of Anson, only able to see the shape in his underwear, burned in his memory like a photograph. His fingers tracing it. His thumbs reaching towards his waistband. His mind kept desperately imagining the next moment, but he could not picture it clearly.

Something he artfully spent years repressing began flowing through his blood again like a bad habit. Anson lit that fire of desire in him. Though he had gone, Abel’s body had yet to realize his absence. What came over him next could only be described as a religious experience.

Like Anson he undid his belt, slowly, methodically, and dragged down his zipper. He rubbed his hand against his white briefs, feeling how solid his cock already was. Abel continued by lifting his hips to pull down his black pants and expose himself to the empty confession room.

His eyes were shut in shame.

His dry hand did not hesitate for a moment. He stroked fast, he stroked hard, he only thought of Anson. The outline of his dick. His perfectly sculpted face. His laugh. How kind their discussion had been. His sparkling green eyes. Small moans left his lips. The sounds were like whispers of a prayer. He pressed his hand harshly against his own face, though he was alone in the church, as if hiding his act from God.

It only took a minute.

Abel watched in hazy lust as he came on the floor and down his hand. He trembled, breathed hard, his quivering breath the only sound in the entire church. For just a few seconds, Abel felt the peaceful release of pleasure, sighed, and leaned back in contentment as he squeezed the last few drops of first sin out of himself.

Then came the panic. A mad dash with shaking legs to the bathroom to wash his hands, which ended in him vomiting, head hanging over the toilet as tears, snot, and stomach bile dripped down his face. He screamed his sobs. His own cries echoed back to him in the bathroom. Hatred filled his being. Hatred for himself. Disgust. More hand washing. Cleaning until his hands were raw. He went back to the confessional room and purged his mess, and after it was gone, he cleaned even more. Scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing. Abel cried all the while. His tears were burned into the carpet.

He had always been ashamed of himself. Since he was a teenager, even before becoming a priest. Once, his dad caught him, and they had a long talk about the sanctity of his body, of respecting other people, of how sexual pleasure was saved for marriage and would be one of the most amazing feelings if he would only be abstinent.

Neither of them chose to acknowledge out loud that he had been watching gay porn.

But Abel remembered the look in his eyes, and he knew why it was there. Beyond simple awkwardness. Beyond embarrassment. Beyond how a parent should react to that situation.

Pure, hateful, disgust.

From then on, Abel did everything he could to prove he was not the foul, sickening monster his dad saw him as. From then on he refused to masturbate again.

At least, so he tried.

There were many times he cracked. Shameful, pathetic moments of his life. A habit that refused to leave his filthy hands. Everytime he did, he wrote down the date. Then he would take a shower with the hottest water he could until there was none left, and would stay in the cold shower until he could no longer stand it. Then he would light a candle and pray hours more for forgiveness.

This night was the worst of all. For Abel had broken so suddenly that he had resorted to his act of evil in the church. And he had no idea how to purge himself of that.

Defeated, Abel dragged himself home after hours of making sure his actions had been erased. When he showered, he got out while the water was still warm. And after lighting a candle to pray, he fell asleep on the floor.

[chapters]: one | previous | next

[sam-dugesian]

Let's discuss this

I know this is meant to be taken in jest but..

first of all of all the lgbt things to say they chose trigender and gender fluid which are actually the most accepting of the trans groups

they also said both wiccan and otherkin heart wolf which just so you know are directly connected beliefs

i mean of all the options available they seemed to have picked things that go together

the way it's presented looks overbearing but when you break it down it's not even that wild

what's also intersting is that all of these options except for the racial trait because that's innate are highly connected to a very specific fandom that being the one of the furry werewolf group

even more telling is the fact that wolfpack members tend to have the exact opposite of the spectrum and then being incompatible with the narrow options often completely flip to the werewolf group

in other words this is strating to look less of a parody and more like a social frustration from conformity all dressed up in a manner to appease their peers while secretly venting about their own opinions

and to compound this fact even further those scrambles of letters as the pronouns there if you know anything about phonics are of course not random at all

they can be pronounced and represented as zie and zum

it would have been trans pronouns if they'd actually typed "fued" in the second one instead of "feud" like they actually did therefore making it "zim"

i think maybe they typed it that way because their brain autocorrected the spelling to the word that means a conflict in different beliefs which is exactly the subject matter of the post

therefore in conclusion this is the equivalent of a gay person being found out and them saying "nuh-uh! i can't be gay, i have women friends" in a strange attempt to convince their peers

i would have giving a cheeky wink and said "all in good fun" but for the fact they included race in there which implies that despite bein pro-lgbt they are kinda racist.

so instead i give a thumbs down and say "try harder, asshole"

[skyfcx]

     hm.

[mindninjax]

Sleep on the Floor (1)

Pairing: Bakugo x Reader (Quirkless Au)

Rating: Explicit (18+ minors do not interact)

Warnings: none yet idk

Word Count: 2.9K

a/n: I don't really know what this is yet. Idk what it will become. I know there will be more I just don't know how or when. For once, I'm just writing and posting to get feelings out. I'm not gonna stress about a posting schedule or what people might expect of me. I'm just gonna write it and post. It's a vent piece, it's a coping piece, it's a piece that deals with grief because it's what I'm dealing with right now. And this site may be a fucking hell hole with shitty fucking people who hide their nasty little comments behind anonymous messages, but it's also somewhere I can go to scream about whatever I want and either be ignored or heard whenever I see fit.

My point is...if you stick with this, great you're amazing and truly I appreciate and love you dearly,. You'll get a peek inside of my head and my heart and I hope at some point it soothes you or comforts you or makes you feel better about yourself idk. If you don't stick with it, I of course won't hold it against you.

So yeah. Here we go...

Masterlist

Whiskey is medicine for the soul.

That’s the saying, right? Doesn’t matter, Katsuki doesn’t give a fuck. He motions to the bartender for another dose, the fifth? maybe sixth of the night. Who’s counting? Certainly not him.

“Oi, another one!” he shouts down the bar top.

The bartender , Shinso, gives him a look that says, “Come on buddy you look like you’re trying to kill yourself” , but he’s personally too greedy not to give his best customer for the past month and a half another drink. Besides, Katsuki’s a good tipper and Shinso would much rather deal with a drunk Katsuki than the glaring angry pathetic Katsuki that sits in front of him now.

Katsuki’s eyes are blood red, irises and all as he puts the tumbler to his lips and gulps down his sixth drink — yes he’s sure it’s the sixth one now—and slams the glass back on the bar top. His fingernails are dirty as he grasps the glass. The stubble on his chin is scraggly but he doesn’t bother shaving it. Dark circles form mini rings under his eyes, like he’s forgotten to take the make up from a week ago off. His shirt is stained, the flannel he wears over it buttoned incorrectly.

There’s a party of people in the corner loudly whooping and hollering about a game of pool they’re playing. There’s some sad ass country song playing on the jukebox. The low yellow lights coming from the antler chandeliers scattered across the ceiling bathes the entire room in a depressing cloud of hazy citrine funk. It smells of beer and grilled food, a scent that Katsuki never gets used to despite making this place his new home.

The bar is crowded for a Wednesday night. It’s a rare sight, usually Katsuki is here by himself, only a few regular patrons popping in and out. He never speaks to anyone, just stumbles in at 10am and drinks until the bar closes at 2am. And then it’s back to his car to sleep and do it all over again. He’s lucky Shinso lets him use the shower in the back of the bar, and with all the clothes Katsuki could pack in a huge bag as quickly as possible now sitting in his car, he has all he needs right here with him.

So why would he leave?

“What can I get for you, Darlin?”

Katsuki looks over to see Shinso sporting that easy going smirk he flashes to pretty girls who come sit at the bar and order fruity dumb ass drinks. Katsuki rolls his eyes as Shinso raises an eyebrow and sizes up the woman in front of him. He doesn’t pay attention, tries to tune out the stupid deep flirty voice Shinso puts on. He almost decides to get up and leave before he hears the woman’s reply.

“Yeah, do you have apple juice?”

What the fuck? Apple juice? Who the fuck goes to a bar in the middle of fucking nowhere and asks for apple juice? Katsuki now takes the time to glance over at the strange woman and he sees it’s you.

“Uh…yeah we have apple juice. Did you want that mixed with vodka or?” Shinso asks in confusion.

Both he and Katsuki are equally shocked when you reply. “Nope, just the juice. Thanks so much!” You chirp happily.

Katsuki studies you closely and you look just as strange as your behavior. You’re wearing a black fitted dress, with white puffy sleeves and a white collar, thin stockings and black heels. Your legs are crossed over one another on the stool and they swing idly as your phone vibrates loudly on the bar counter next to you.

You don’t pick it up, don’t even silence it, just let it continue buzzing on the countertop and Katsuki doesn’t know why but it pisses him off. The buzzing is intense and he can feel the vibrations even though you’re three seats down from him at the huge bar. You watch the people in the corner, humming to the song playing on the jukebox and continue to ignore it.

Finally Katsuki can’t take it and he snaps at you, “You gonna answer your fucking phone or continue to annoy everyone at the bar with the constant buzzing?”

You look at him now and for just a second Katsuki understands why Shinso started flirting. You’re wearing makeup but not too much. It only enhances your best features, your big eyes, long lashes and plump lips. Your makeup is a bit smudged around the eyes, but you still don’t look bad.

In fact, if you weren’t being a fucking pest with your phone and if he weren't a fucking injured loser, Katsuki would try flirting and taking you home for the night. Regardless, he’s annoyed and the alcohol flowing through his veins only inflates the annoyance.

For some reason you don’t respond to him, just stare for a bit, scrutinizing him and his clothes closely before you blink, look down at your phone, pick it up and then press the button to stop the ringing. You don’t say anything to him but you give him a tiny smirk and a quick shrug of your shoulders that says “oops” before he rolls his eyes and turns away from you.

“Here ya go. One apple juice. You sure there isn’t anything I can get you?” Shinso says as he places the glass of amber liquid in front of you and smiles big again. He leans in on the bar and Katsuki takes another gulp of his drink.

“Actually yeah. Whatever that guy is drinking, get him another one, on me,” you say, lowering your voice and pointing discreetly to Katsuki.

He huffs in annoyance and raises his voice to ensure you know he heard you as he finishes his drink. “I don’t want anything from you,” he grumbles.

The stool you're sitting on scrapes against the wooden floor and Katsuki winces at the sound. A similar sound is closer to him now and he can feel the warmth of a body next to him and smell the lingering scent of fresh flowers, coconut and mango, and some weird chemical scent he can't place.

“It’s a peace offering or an apology for the phone,” you say hopping up on the stool next to him. You rest your chin in your hand and peer at him with great interest. It's extremely uncomfortable and Katsuki is two seconds from telling you to fuck off.

“A ‘sorry’ is enough,” he grunts, scooting his stool away from you.

“Well I’m sorry, but you know, it’s rude not to accept the drink,” you say matter of factly.

You're smiling at him and he can't understand why. Everything about his attitude toward you is standoffish. Everything about his body language says "Go the fuck away", and yet you're leaning in closer to him, and looking him directly in the eye when you speak.

He looks away quickly, trying to break the intense eye contact. He's thankful for the refill of whiskey Shinso places in front of him but tries to ignore the wink he gives you as he places it down. Katsuki angrily grabs it and takes a huge gulp. “I ain’t a nice person.”

You scoff, “I don’t believe that.”

Katsuki raises an eyebrow, looks at you from the corner of his eye and spits, “How the fuck would you know?”

He is more than shocked when you answer with a huge fucking grin on your face, as if your words are some kind of compliment and not a huge fucking slap in the face. "Nice people are usually the ones who look as tortured and pathetic as you do right now,” you quip.

He spins around to glare at you now, baring his teeth like a wild angry dog. “Fuck you. You don’t know a goddamn thing about me!”

Katsuki thinks you've got to have a few screws loose when he sees you actually look shocked at his animosity.

“Oh I didn’t mean it as an insult! Just an observation,” you say, putting your hands up in mock surrender.

“Why don’t you fuck off and mind your fucking business?”

You finally turn away from him, facing the many shelves of alcohol. Katsuki can see your fingers drumming against the bar top and right as Shinso is coming over—almost certainly to flirt some more—you turn back towards Katsuki and he huffs in irritation.

“Can I ask you one more thing before I fuck off?” you ask.

He doesn't look at you or grace you with a verbal answer. He just grunts.

“Wanna come with me on a road trip?”

If there were a record playing, here's where you'd hear the record scratch. Katsuki blinks a few times trying to figure out if he actually heard you correctly. “What?”

“Unless you have something else to do?” you say smiling innocently.

“Why the fuck would I wanna—“

“I mean… why not?” you cut in.

“You could be a fucking psycho. Which, the more I talk to you, the more I'm convinced that's what you are,” Katsuki replies, wrinkling his nose as if he smelled something funky.

“And you could drop dead right now from some freak accident. Either way, you die. But would you rather die alone in a shitty bar, drunk, stinky and upset with your life or would you rather take a chance at going on a road trip with a stranger?” you say optimistically.

“Die alone in a shitty bar.” Katsuki replies quickly, without a second thought.

You drop your head and your eyes are sad and dejected. “That's fair, I suppose. Look, I just recently realized all the plans I had for my life, don’t fucking matter. None of it. And you don’t look like a guy with a bunch of life plans, either. I just thought I’d extend the invitation,” you say shrugging as you put your money on the counter, slip off the stool and walk toward the exit.

Katsuki cannot believe he is actually thinking this but, you've got a point. Even for a fucking weirdo. Successful Katsuki would never. But then again, Successful Katsuki wouldn't be in this fucking bar right now. And as much as he hates to admit it, there's a sinking pit in his stomach as he thinks about you walking out the door and leaving forever.

He can't figure out why, he's never met you, has no connection to you whatsoever. But the minute you asked him to go, it ignited something in him, something he'd thought had long been extinguished. So Katsuki really can't believe it when he raises his hand toward the door and says “Wait.”

You turn around. Katsuki downs the last of the drink you bought him, puts the money he owes Shinsou for all the drinks—plus a hefty tip—then gets up and walks—more like staggers—toward where you stand at the exit. He faces you, eyebrows furrowed and breath smelling of whiskey. He notices how small you are compared to him as he towers over you and points a finger into your shoulder.

“You’re driving.”

Katsuki must be drunk. He has to be. That’s the only way he can convince himself of this idiotic plan. That he wouldn’t be stupid enough to get into a car with some unknown woman and drive to who fucking knows where. He’s in the passenger seat, the large bag of clothes from his car sitting in your back seat.

The windows are down and the night air fills the car with the fresh scent of grass and pine as you drive through the winding forest paths. It’s dark, nearly 9pm and Katsuki worries for only a minute that you’re taking him somewhere to kill him.

He reasons with himself that it’s a dumb ass idea. If you were going to target someone, surely it’d be someone who looks rich and is worth killing for some money. To you, he’s a pathetic nobody. But that only leaves more questions, why’d you choose him?

You’re whistling to yourself as you drive, eyes glued to the road and hair now fallen from the tight bun you had it in when you walked into the bar. He stares at you with his arms crossed and his brows furrowed.

What the fuck is your deal? The first warning sign of you being an absolute psychopath should’ve been walking into the bar wearing fancy clothes and ordering a goddamn apple juice. Still, there was something about the way you studied him and the way you vocalized the helplessness he felt. For some reason, he knew you understood and he knew it would be a mistake to let you walk out of that bar without following.

It’s your carefree attitude that really bothers him. The way you drum your finger against the steering wheel, how you bounce back and forth to some tune you’re humming to yourself that he suspects is…Take Me Home, Country Roads? All while sitting across from a complete and total stranger.

He huffs to himself, realizing he doesn’t even know your name and that you never attempted to ask him his.

“So you make a habit of picking up strangers in bars?” he grunts, trying to be nonchalant as he gazes out his window at the dark shadows passing by.

“Pft, I don’t know. Do you make a habit of going with said strangers from the bar?” You retort.

“You gonna be a smart ass the entire trip?”

“Haha I’m contemplating it. Not gonna lie seeing your irritated face does bring me a lot of joy, but I’d also want you to enjoy this trip too so perhaps, I’ll cut down on the smart assness,” You say, smiling wide.

You reach out your hand to him and say your name. He glares at it and then looks up to your eyes glued to the road. “This is the part where you shake my hand and tell me your name,” you say as if you're speaking to a kindergartener.

He narrows his eyes. “Katsuki Bakugo.”

You put a finger to your chin in a thinking motion. “Hmmm too formal. Can I call you Grumpy instead?” you ask in high pitched pleading tone.

“No.”

“Great! It’s settled I’ll call you Grumpy,” you say proudly and Katsuki groans in annoyance before he retorts back.

“Then I’ll call you Airhead,” he says in a mean voice.

“Cute. I like it," you say shrugging nonchalantly.

He rolls his eyes. Nothing gets to you it seems. You must be one of those overly happy types, which means this road trip is going to be unbearable. Katsuki momentarily contemplates asking you to turn around and take him back to the bar. “You’re fucking weird. What’s your deal anyway?”

“I’m running away from my problems. Same old, same old.”

As always, you've caught him off guard, and his previous idea of going back to the bar all but vanishes. "What problems?”

“Grief.”

Katsuki blinks. Suddenly your getup all makes sense and it unfortunately clicks in his mind. You were at a funeral. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Shit sucks.”

“You’re telling me.”

“That explains the…” he motions to the dress you're wearing.

“Yup.”

He studies you a little closer now. The dress is nice, looks pretty expensive and it clings perfectly to you. He's again reminded of how attractive you are and how he's in the car going somewhere with a weird but really attractive woman. “Least it’s a nice dress.”

“Haha thanks. Not just for the compliment.”

“What then?”

“For not saying sorry. Everyone says sorry. Like they did something wrong. I know they’re being nice but…sorry doesn’t bring her back. I’d much rather hear a compliment about the dress,” you say quietly. You're not smiling anymore, just looking out at the road, a far away look in your eye.

Katsuki stays quiet for a few minutes going over your words. The atmosphere in the car has shifted but it’s comforting and the remnants of who he used to be—successful, thriving, strong—are thrust upon him for the first time in the few weeks since he was injured.

“What about you? What are you running from?” you ask quietly.

He grunts, folding his arms over his chest and closing himself off from you. “I ain’t running from shit.”

“Ahh I see. Too soon?” you say smiling.

You wink at him and he turns away to look out the window to hide the rosy blush forming in his cheeks. The tips of his ears feel hot and he hopes his unruly hair is hiding them. “Shut up.” he mumbles.

“I’ll ask again in a few days.” you say, lifting your chin proudly.

He glowers out the window, lips pursed as the moon follows the two of you across the sky.

You sigh and reach behind you to grab an unopen water bottle and toss it into his lap. “You should get some rest and sleep off your drunkenness. It’ll be your turn to drive soon.”

“Where the hell are we even goin'?” Katsuki asks as he unscrews the cap and takes a huge swig of water.

You smile brightly at him and again he has the strangest feeling that everything will be ok no matter what happens. When he looks into your big bright eyes all he sees is adventure and he can’t help but feel comforted by your smile.

“Wherever we want.”

--

Thanks for reading