#making myself post before its finished so i dont waste time

[madeleinelovescolours]

i draw a lot of “small kids in misty forests” because I grew up as a small kid in misty forests

[vse-kar-vem]

hihi vent post incoming (tldr im pretty sure everyone hates me and also im gonna fail all my exams)

[redr0sewrites]

🥀2K Follower Event🥀

🥀A/n: hi everyone!!! i've finally made it to 2K followers and i am so soo soooo happy + excited!!! i never thought id make it this far and i am very excited to celebrate with all of you. in honor of me finally reaching this goal, ive created a prompt list below that u can all use to send in requests. thank u all again for helping me on this journey, ily all!!!

🥀How it Works:

send in a request with the prompt number you would like, along with the character(s) you would like me to write it for and whether or not you want the fic to be nsfw/sfw

if you want any additional information on the reader to be included (gender, race, fashion, or any other descriptors) please include those w the request as well

up to 3 characters per request, as i want to realistically be able to finish them all without burning out

prompts may be used twice, but not for the same character. multiple characters may be used for the same prompt but a singular character can not be reused for that prompt.

i will be accepting requests until the event closes, and i will update this post once that happens

if a request goes against my rules and guidelines on my pinned masterpost, the request will simply not be written

i will work on requests chronologically, so please be patient.

🥀Request Format Examples:

hi! can i request prompt #28 with rengoku and a mtf!reader? i'd like the fic to be sfw! tysm and have a great day!

heyy can u write prompt #7 with aaravos and make it nsfw? thx!

can i request prompt #33 (sfw) with jayroy (jason todd and roy harper) x masc!reader? thankss!

🥀Prompts:

"you can't just show up like this! are you hurt?"

"where are you?"

"somebody is in loooveee!!"

"of course they don't like me, that's ridiculous!... did they say anything to you about me?"

"i don't like you- i love you."

"its so cold without you."

"i guess im just disappointed."

"did you hurt them?"

"i can't stand them, their stupid smile and their stupid laugh and their stupid crooked teeth- oh."

"why are your hands so cold?!"

"ive never felt like this before.."

"because i love you! i've loved you since the moment i saw you, i just can't take it anymore. i want you to be with me!"

"i wasted so much time chasing after them, and for what?"

"do you even like me?" "i love you-" "thats not what i asked. sure, you love me, but do you even like me as a person?"

"it feels- it feels good.."

"don't be shy, darling"

"i wish you saw yourself the way that i see you."

"i never hated you!"

"are you mad at me?"

"i'm just so sick of trying to be something im not. i hope you can forgive me."

"please don't cry, shh, your okay."

"i want you, no one else."

"do you trust me?"

"ive never been touched there.."

"i want you inside me/i want to be inside you"

"you taste so sweet.."

"why can't you see that i love you?"

"is that my shirt your wearing?"

"aww, are you stuck baby?"

"i thought i lost you again"

"our baby would be so cute..."

"you're so pretty like this.."

"i love you." "you're drunk, you dont- you don't mean that.."

"i hate how easy it is for me to love you again."

"are you.. scared of me?"

"aw, don't cry prince/ss"

"i need to stay awake, but i'm just so tired... can you stay? please?"

"i'm just going to end up hurting you-" "i know you'd never hurt me"

"would it be embarrassing if i said i missed you?"

"fuck- feel me all up in your guts, baby?"

"stay still, this will only hurt for a second, jus' relax for me, kay?"

"i know you can take it, just breathe"

"i need you so bad.. it hurts-"

"do you wanna join, or are you just gonna keep watching?"

"no one else will get to see me like this, i can promise you that"

"come closer, i need you"

"you look absolutely stunning like this"

"i'm sorry i wasn't there before, but i'm here now, and i always will be"

"i can't get up with you laying on top of me!"

"shit." "what?" "so, uh, theres only one bed.."

most of these i made up myself by just imagining random fanfic scenarios, but a few were ideas from friends, so credit to them! again, thank you all so much for supporting me and for helping me get this far ♥️♥️♥️

[justakennyoshi]

hii im kinda back :") im feeling more stable now and better overall!! i'll try to not be as chronically online than before bc i really want to pass these subjects i have for college and drawing takes me time already (tho i draw fast lmao) so ye

i was thinking in what i wanna do in the future for drawing and i wanna finish an animatic i got bc i canceled due to lack of motivation all of my last projects smh so i wanna finish any idea i get in the future

i was also thinking in rebranding myself, i thought about starting from scratch again but i already have some followers in both accounts so itd be a waste right, even if theyre less than 100 www (but tbf considering im fairly new into this platform its ok ig better than twitter anws LMAO) but i wanna have a new username easy and recognizable bc i realized my signature is not clear so now i gotta think in smth www

oh i also thought in making more doodles, ill simply make posts with my random doodles bc i make them way too much BUT i also wanna make more serious pieces, i honestly dont feel my drawings are pretty and that i have soooo much to improve on so when i finish anything i just look at it and think how bad it is ahaha, i wanna make more serious pieces to improve c: but tbf is more like "omg look at that amazing art... and that one from me ig"

anws thats all for today

[sonny-whorezik]

haiii ... like a week short of a month since i left everything.... i just wanted to use as Journal and catch up before i do Fully return to social media, gettin rid of the app after this post yet again:

has . been . rough. grief has been consistent the last month from my best friend and now ex leaving me, losing that new job due to being physically sick from grief and being unemployed an additional month, my best best friend my dog, sage, passed away last friday and although i left to drive to kansas i just didn't make it in time. She has wind chimes over her grave and passed listening to the sound of the wind chime my great grandma left for me. two days after her passing marked the First Full Year since my grandpa passed away, i had a dream the night before where we drove around looking at christmas lights with people no longer in my life and he just looked so so sad. i am consistently physically alone; i facetime a couple friends but i go outside alone, sleep/wake up alone, eat alone, this has been going on since i left arizona in november Most of my time is spent completely alone.

ive tried new habits. i meditate and stretch in the morning and night. i read a page a day of a stoicism book my dad got me last year with a propeller hat. i see a therapist weekly, wake up earlier, even floss now. The complete back to back to back grief has left me no choice but to just Do Something. while i would Love to share something with someone its best i reserve it to myself, yet here i am vacantly sharing my last month to who knows who...

my friend invited me to see stop making sense last night in a farther town, showed the original film not the remastered and general admission was all standing and everyone acted as if it was a real concert dancing and singing. this was my 6th time seeing it in a theater. did not cry once yet celebrated the experience i have had and although i will never have anything quite like i did with someone quite like them, at least i had it for a good portion of my life. had to devote this must be the place to myself, foreign. to be completely transparent, i do miss them every day. i do not cry like i used to, i dont let myself get consumed by thought and feeling, ive grown more desensitized as time has passed, but i still miss them of course. i consistently see things that remind me of them even when theyre not on my mind and when sage died i wanted to reach out so terribly; reminisce of the fort we built where she slept with us and i had no one to talk to but my mom who was with her til the end. i didnt. i havent reached out. it is not my place given they were the one to leave i just will not keep reaching out and chasing someone who sounded so blatantly apathetic on our last phone call. i tell myself it was just a form of self preservation to them but yknow. like. that's it, i have no choice but to experience grief with self compassion and continue on, wherever that goes.

i may be starting TMS treatment , having magnets zap my brain 5 days a week, 6 weeks. i see a cardiologist on the 30th since my chest frequently hurts and both ekgs have concerns in the pause between beats. my pulse at resting is consistently around 120 yet my blood pressure is fine; who knows. well i guess ill know actually in 10 days. im finishing a vape, got a full pack of cigarettes ive yet to touch yet plan to quit smoking here soon in hopes it helps. maybe after my pack to eliminate temptation yet not waste my money... i bought it an hour before sage passed. i barely drink coffee and dont use energy drinks anymore i do what i can for my heart now.

atticus still sleeps with me, most nights. sometimes he wanders the living room when i cant sleep. im almost halfway through galapagos. i washed my sheets for the first time since buying them in august. im very much alone and this is all fine i tell myself. the stoicism has encouraged me to alter my perspective on things more rationally as opposed to the wired self deprecating and depression-based "take everything personally" thought processes ive had for 18 years. im on my phone significantly less and i even wrote a piece on piano i may share after this post. ive been transposing it to cello, my grandma requested.

i have no interest in perusing anyone anytime soon still, whether its still too early or what i think i do just Need to do these things alone for a while. ive never found sole stability in others, i learned this at 6 with my dad, yet while outside aid would help, it is not a requirement to live however. forgive me for how long this is and for leaving once again there are a few of you i used to talk to daily and now ive just got a few contacts in my phone.

despite chronic mental illness, mourning, loneliness, you name it, ive never taken this approach before. i will typically have a suicide attempt yet here i am doing a pancake stretch and ommm-ing every morning. i keep as busy as i can, today i went through every single thing i own to sort donations and the day before i deep cleaned. there is a box wrapped in a blanket of some of the things that remind me of them. i went through it today and brought out some things like the books theyve given me, it doesnt hurt as much anymore to remember. im donating the mugs i never gave them and the one theyd use at my house when theyd come over. all their letters havent been reread yet sit in between the photo of us in the cave. it was nice to see. i am so honored they let me, of all people, share these experiences with them. i am more thankful it happened then miserable itll never happen again; at least i had it for a while. i say this yet if a year passes and i hear from them, i would love to reconnect: hear how their life has been, what they've been doing, how their family is and if they are doing better. if this has helped. while for 6 years i believed they were really it for me, whether we ever dated or not ive always considered them the only one who Really Knew who i was, how i worked, you name it. although im "moving on" by taking care of myself more, it is upsetting to admit if i ever have a chance again, id take it in a heartbeat. i say this yet still believe Even if i do never get a chance, that's okay too. While i would, i dont anticipate it, rely on it, sit in denial "theyll surely come back," its alright if they never do. i live each day as if they never will yet to my core do know that i would try again

a knee ways .. i hope you, whoever reads, is doing okay, that you feel alright and what not. you dont have to feel good every day, but at the least alright i hope ... not sure if/when ill come back maybe just once a month im unsure yet .was just in a solid enough state to do this for a moment . wish you all well ,

[recountcuntessa]

wow wtf. its been a whole eight months since i put a journal entry in here. mostly because my thought process has been to finish and post a song before I come back, as if i have a thriving fanbase on here lmao. but lords knows that doesn't matter to me. in making music and playing bass recently, i have really started to be comfortable with not always ending up with a product that needs to be released. instead, sometimes the result is learning and improving my skills, and thats enough.

this summer was rough on me financially and emotionally. since last entry, i got two jobs, and lost two jobs. i was working two jobs as i ended up getting the one i interviewed for that payed very well, but they ended firing me after a couple months, and i dont even wanna go into all that but just know im still bitter over that shit smh. but they couldnt break my soul cause i ended up getting a barista job the same weekend, which is where i am now. though i wasnt actively sad, i didnt feel in my body, i wasnt taking care of myself like i needed to, and i was the most insecure ive been in a minute.

this semester feels so much different than the past. i feel a lot more focused and almost as if its easier to learn. is that the frontal lobe forming??? might be last semester, i finally found my people and had a solid friend group, and then this summer, both of my close friends transferred to different schools, so outside of acquaintances, i was going into the fall with no friends. but already, i have met a lot of new people, made new friends, and went out out for the first time. i finally feel the grasp of anxiety getting looser over time, and i feel such a strong sense of self at the moment. im also getting comfortable doing things alone, ive seen a few movies by myself and actually went to a live show alone too.

last entry i was in a talking stage with someone, and big surprise, it didnt go anywhere, who wouldve thought lol. and now im in another one, i'm not a whore i promise. actually quite the opposite, which is why im trying to force myself to see this one through. there is a hefty ass list of red flags with this one, from a double digit age difference to the fact that he serves (and not in a cunty or military way). i have been on the fence since the moment we started talking, which is over a month now. i dont want to waste his time if i dont really see it going anywhere, but i dont want to self sabotage/ write it off to quickly due to my fear of affection. i really need to figure this shit out and fast. with that being said, here are two songs i think are cool.

[sleepii-moth]

i feel the need to say before i finish this post that im not accusing anyone or "the fandom" of doing anything, this is merely an observation, but i find it really interesting that all of what ive seen people criticize ford for is coincidentally a lot of what looks like to me, as an autistic person, is him having classic "undesirable" or "frustrating" autistic traits, things like lack of understanding for social norms (manners in particular), lack of empathy, being incredibly blunt, and inability to understand other people. These are all traits that a lot of typical abrasive scientist characters have so its not like im here saying hes canonically autistic or anything, its just to me he feels like a very autistic character. which is why its so interesting to see people criticize him so viciously for things that ive found myself doing or at least can perfectly understand his thought process in doing those things. Like one thing ive seen someone complain about is when hes monologuing about how he got fiddleford to join him on his portal, and he says that fiddleford was "wasting his time making personal computers" and i guess to the average person maybe thats rude, like maybe he liked making computers! but to me i can see how it probably wasnt meant in malice or contempt for fiddlefords work ford just knows that fiddleford can do better and doesnt understand why hes "wasting" his time making computers because ford doesnt understand what his motivations are, like fiddleford can build GIANT KILLER ROBOTS and INTERDIMENSIONAL PORTALS, fords probably thinking "fiddlefords a genius he is so good at building why is he building computers when he can make big cool awesome stuff" that doesnt really seem that bad to me? definitely doesnt seem like itd make ford an asshole. And then theres the portal thing and like, i guess how not immedietly saying "are you okay" after your assistant just went face first into a portal to who knows where and is speaking backwards is not a good thing to do, but i definitely dont think that it meant ford didnt care about fiddleford, especially if he expressed multiple times later on how he regretted fiddleford leaving and missed him. to me its like, ford was already mad at him, already probably tense bc theyre testing the portal, then he gets fiddleford out and hes not like actually bleeding or anything (and even if he was visibly distraught i dont really consider ford to be the kind of person to really factor in psychological damage when youre making sure someones okay (and he may have already been used to seeing fiddleford have panic attacks at this point so he couldve assumed thats what was wrong (but also like either way youre gonna be spooked if you just did the interdimensional portal equivalent to almost falling off a cliff))) so ford just probably assumed he was fine, plus hes already there for the portal test so his brains thinking about the portal test, having someone go in the portal is a pretty good way to test the portal so that person must know a lot .. and like still kinda a shitty thing to do but i dont think that means ford didnt care about him thats just a weird conclusion to draw based on how ford acts especially. there seems to be this big idea that ford secretly hated fiddleford and saw him as less than when thats not really true at all, ford even admits in his journal that he *needs* fiddleford and that fiddleford can do what he cant but also that he enjoys his presence and has gone out of his way to do things for him, plus theres so many times where ford really does talk about how much he admires him! fiddleford got a whole page! just about him! when ford couldve just offhanded mentioned him in his journal (that is SO important to him too) he decided to dedicate a whole page to listing off his quirks and drawing a picture of him like thats just pure adoration!! i just think that with all the stuff with bill combining with his lack of empathy and ability to understand others he just comes across as meaner than he probably was

[cosplayprincess21]

I posted 471 times in 2022

140 posts created (30%)

331 posts reblogged (70%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@acilykos-art

@disasterpersonified

@im-surviving-off-of-tea11

@the-ancient-ocean

@headphonemouse

I tagged 226 of my posts in 2022

#dr stone - 176 posts

#dcst - 168 posts

#dr. stone - 151 posts

#drst - 127 posts

#gen asagiri - 72 posts

#asagiri gen - 72 posts

#ryusui nanami - 59 posts

#senku ishigami - 54 posts

#kohaku - 51 posts

#nanami ryusui - 42 posts

Longest Tag: 114 characters

#seriously ive rewatched dr.stone. how i met your mother. the originals and moriarty the patriot multiple times now

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Senku hcs

Oh this shall be fun

Realizes he's aromantic asexual in middle school. Everyone else was going on about romance and dating and all that other stuff, and all he cared about was science.

Was the one lecturing people in elementary school about why certain super powers can't be real and crushed the hopes and dreams of those wanting lazer vision

Would secretly leave Taiju money or other things he needed but pretended he had no idea where they came from

Since hes the definition of aroace, his gaydar is never wrong

Tried to figure out if he could turn himself into a robot as a kid, it did not work

Speaking of robots, he had robot pj's up until he was 11 in which he traded them for science ones

His experiments would make stay up late into the night, so naturally, he developed a taste for energy drinks.

At night he will sometimes think of Byakuya and remember all the memories he has with his dad, he might try to act like the man was embarrassing and all, but deep down hes a kid who never got to say goodbye to his dad

The only two people he can fully confide in are Taiju and Yuzuirha

While its common for kids who are adopted to want to know about their biological parents, he doesnt. He had Byakuya after all, and Byakuya is his dad, nothing else matters.

Hope you like them. Senku is a very fun character to make headcanons for.

45 notes - Posted March 28, 2022

#4

no one in Dr.STONE is an autistic retard so why do you plan to make a post about it? just cause you're retarded doesnt mean they are

congrats you got me to use Tumblr Desktop instead of my phone because im going to have a lot to say.

First of all, fuck off with the R word here, its an outdated and harmful term thats rooted in Ableism. Secondly i was going to ignore this and delete it when i saw the first line but then you also decided to insult me so you know enjoy getting your ass handed to you.

But whats wrong with noticing that certain characters in Dr.STONE are ASD coded? Like everyone accepts that Ryusui has ADHD but being autistic is something bad right? News Flash it isnt. Also show me where in the manga that Sai and Yuzuriha dont show traits of autism? i feel explaining to you would be a waste of energy but just know this is only going to make my post on it even longer cause holy fuck the beginning will now have a rant about people like you. Do me a favor and never send an ask here again and kindly fuck off.

Also this comment really pissed me off and i was going to focus on just Sai and Yuzuriha but now im gonna add Magma,Senku and Ruri to this as well cause ive also been seeing them as ASD coded but have been keeping that to myself.

47 notes - Posted August 13, 2022

#3

so i finished fmab

sobbing crying wailing etc it was SO GOOD and completely destroyed me at the same time fhjfjkfjhfkjhsahjsdjhfkjdjghdkjsk definitely the anime of all time

welcome to the world of FMAB. The obsession will never leave, and the pain gets worse with every rewatch. But with that also comes seeing little things you never noticed before which makes the series even better. 

47 notes - Posted January 23, 2022

#2

Ok so ill be posting about the final chapter soon but. IM SO HAPPY SENKU DIDNT GET ANY LOVE INTERESTS. HES AROACE AND STAYS AROACE HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

54 notes - Posted March 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Ok but i really need to know what people have against aroace characters? Like theres nothing wrong with any character being aroace but for some reason it just causes others to be so upset and for what? Ive seen it with mostly One Piece and The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. Luckily havent seen it as much with Dr.STONE or at least on tumblr. The number of people ive blocked on tiktok for getting upset about Senku being CANONICALLY aroace is ridiculous. But yeah can someone just explain this to me? Cause aroace exist and we do deserve to have our representation in media and not in the "oh im rude because im aroace and thats my only personality" way. But in a way where we ardnt dehumanized for not feeling romantic or sexual attraction.

331 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[lokisprettygirl]

My lovely, the last chapter of TNSTSI is an absolute gold mine. It's truly brilliant. I like to think that if i dont understand something or a piece of literature, or it confuses me, i think its clever cause... dear god i dont have the words to express my wild bewilderment. I just... it wont do it justice.

im all round confused. i dont know whats real and whats not anymore with the story. Im just confused but im sure all will be revealed in the next few chapters.

i do apologize if i dont send feedback often. school in full swing leaves me exhausted as i think my body or entirety is yet to adjust to being as active as i am as opposed to the pandemic where we sat in front of a screen for hours. I am completely invested in your works but i only ever have time to read just before i fall asleep so i do apologize for the lack of interactions. i am however eagerly awaiting for your future endeavors and works and just know that i will always be here. i will be here waiting like a child on Christmas morning, awaiting to open her gifts. really all i ever really check her often is if you've posted and the lack of it as of late has me missing you but do take your time with no pressure from others or myself to publish your astounding works.

(The formality, (if it is, as i find it does) uggh. this was not on purpose btw)

anyways, hope your doing well lovely and again, the chapter was phenomenal, i really cant express it enough.

From your lovely 😊❤️💜💙💚💛🖤😊

It's not always the case my dear, sometimes it's just badly written 😄 but I hope it's the opposite in this case, sone of the confusion will be cleared in the next chapter. I'm glad you said that you can't understand what's real anymore because until now that's just how reader has been feeling throughout the journey but now that she has her memories back she remembers everything and everything will make sense now.

I literally forget sometimes that some of you are still studying, I remember my days and I realise how much it sucks 😄 don't worry I'm not really writing much these days so you're not missing out, I have inspiration and a plot for the next story but I don't think many people want to read my stories anymore here and it feels like waste of my time and energy. I would like to finish all my series though so fingers crossed. But If I really do get inspired and it gets to the point where Loki is pressuring me to write again in my dreams then I'll definitely do it I promise.

Thank you my dear lovely for always supporting me like this, it really does mean the world to me, more than you can ever imagine 💚🤗❤️

[poecharlieodell]

character design (part 1)

First time using photoshop and a drawing tablet

josh had given us the task to edit this image of a shirtless Jack Black with photoshop, to turn him into a pirate.

this is what i came up with, I did this by moving different objects which where on different layers, to bend his arm I selected it with the lasso tool and then bed to it around. Then, to fill the empty spaces I used the ai feature. its not perfect as it was my first time using photo shop. but its going to help me draw my pirate. jack will be used as a base that i'm going to trace over the top of him

here he is so far, again-not perfect but this was my first time using a drawing tablet and It was more of a test run for me, drawing on a drawing tablet with photoshop feels really difficult and unnatural to me.

I dont particularly want to finish this drawing as their are other options and if I continue I’ll be behind.

character design (part 2)

The portal pirate

This time I was going to use an image of myself instead.

But I need to briefly explain my pirate before I show you how I drew him and I’m only explain this briefly here but I’ll go into more detail in later posts.

The pirate crew that I’m making are the pirates of the shattered sea

They’re pirate crew which discover a futuristic chest which holds magical crystal shards. The shards were left by aliens for heros to find, so that they can save The universe. However they were found by pirates instead..

The crystal shards give magical abilities or “superpowers” to whoever is closest to them so the pirates use them for their own needs instead of “saving the universe”

The pirate I’m focusing on today is one of the crew members. Who has the purple crystal shard, the purple shard has the ability of creating portals.

this pirate keeps his crystal shard on a necklace. so when taking my picture I made sure to pose correctly for it.

I started drawing and noticed the same issue as before I’m struggling to draw,it could be the drawing pad ,it could be photoshop either way it feels really weird to draw like this.

I might just need to get used to it and to more practice and I’ll improve in time . For now though I might need to find an alternative way of drawing with this as it’s taking a long time to draw

The purple triangle is a portal

I’ve also decided to switch to drawing this on an iPad as it’s taking too long and I don’t have practice time

Looking at the face I actually don’t like it very much and I want to re draw it with a more cartoon approach because that matches my style better

I don’t like tracing off of images of people very much as I feel pressured to keep the drawing similar to the proportions of the person I’m drawing, which is an issue if I’m making a character who is not similar to the proportions of the person.

Again like the first design I won’t be finishing this as a I want to design and draw him in a different way/method and theirs no point wasting time on a method which doesn’t work well for me if theirs a better way I can think of doing it.

[agayworthfightingfor]

so i grew up being perceived as entirely able to speak, realized after major burnout/physical disability worsening that speech was really hard for me and that i didnt have to waste all my energy on it, and over the past few years i've been trying to get to the point where I have good enough AAC to mostly/completely stop speaking and just use my body's voice for stimming. i'd say i use AAC about as often as mouthwords, but i don't use mouthwords anymore with people i don't know. i call myself semispeaking/semiverbal somewhat interchangeably but thats a whole other post

tbh forcing yourself to speak is unhealthy. its unfortunately often necessary to avoid ableism and abuse, and if youve been doing it a long time it can be really hard to stop, but it is still added stress in an already stressful world. so... yeah, if you feel that stopping speaking would be easier and more comfortable, its healthy and even if it wasn't that wouldn't make it a Morally Bad Thing, just an extra consideration. you don't owe it to others to stay the same forever or to maintain the illusion of ability, and you arent pretending to be something youre not. you're just existing in the way that works best for you.

stopping speaking has immensely improved my anxiety, though it does introduce some new concerns - 99% of people just kind of roll with it and don't make a big deal of it, but the fear of ableism is always there. overall, though, i can say things i absolutely never could have said with my mouth now! i can say thank you to cashiers and bus drivers and whoever else, i can finish sentences even if i forget how they started, ive found symbol based aac takes even less energy for me than typing, and i can get people to wait for my real thoughts instead of just settling for whatever i can make my mouth do before people get too impatient. (some ppl occasionally still get impatient but now i can at least make them feel guilty about rushing me)

as for whether its unmasking, i dont really think the concept of unmasking is as much about returning to what you did before you started masking, but... embracing how you would be without the expectation of doing things in "normal" ways - if not speaking is whats comfortable and feels good, and youve been forcing speech to try and appear more "normal" then yea thats unmasking! doesnt matter if you were comfortable speaking as a kid and now your brain just won't keep up with that anymore or if its always been difficult and you just forced it anyway, its still being true to your autistic self yknow

for those autistics who are mute, have been mute or are selectively mute. Is it healthy to let yourself go mute? as someone who tends to script, and i force myself to have something to say for every situation, i am unclear as to whether or not its good. i feel this would also be quite informative for other autistics in the same situation as i am.

does it help with burnout? to lessen anxiety? does it feel more natural? if letting oneself go mute counts towards unmasking when you previously didnt go mute? i would love to know if anyone would like to share!

[ddarker-dreams]

YOUYRREWWWWEEE BRUNO VS FUGO POSTT I never even considered the dynamic before but im rly glad u liked my art I was def considering drawing sr reader comics of just random ass scenarios to help myself relearn art since i draw sparsely,,, I revisit ur blog here and the nostalgia just truly hits <3 its cute that sr is just ur casual series but I did get hit w that art wave bc I was following sr so long! im glad my lil comic dusted off that lil blurb for u i love a lil doodle and i was worried brunos eyes looked wonky… 😵‍💫I hope one day youll revisit meet the parents if thats ok to say but even if u dont ur other series make so many other ppl so happy that I dont even mind getting notifs abt chrollo even if I find him frightening in all aspects xoxo

in the early days it was mostly bruno and fugo trying not to throw hands... oh man... if only they knew how good they had it at the time 😔 SR reader went from dividing her attention between them 50/50 to dividing it between six people . it was a simpler time.

AAA scarlet ribbons feels really nostalgic to me too?? i guess that makes sense since i started posting about it in the summer of 2020, i just never realized i could feel nostalgic for something from two years ago hjkemgr i'm glad it has that nice cozy vibe for you too! it's pretty much the only thing on this blog that gives warm fuzzies. everything else is... hmm what'd be the opposite of that... cold... pricklies ?? that doesn't sound right but you get what i mean.

i really want to finish meet the parents, i had so many shenanigans mapped out 😭😭 i intend to get to it eventually! i'd hate to waste the ideas i brainstormed up...

i'm glad the series help give you some art inspiration!! whenever i can't figure out what to draw, i tend to go for the MCs of my stories too. it's really fun. 😌

[spade-snax]

I am not sure if I ever posted these publically here? But I have shown them a bunch of times before

I originally made these for fun and keeping in mind (YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP EVERY DESIGN YOU MAKE) and I was planning on either giving these away or trading them or smthn but I love them too much, so I'm keeping them

Now I'm just wondering if I name them Litwick and Spheal because Pokémon names already sound like Grumpus names or if I somewhat Grumpify the names or just reference it in their names

I dunno, but my Grumpus OC army is growing and I have too many unfinished concepts and I gotta stop worrying about backstories when I just enjoy character design and let myself finish all the designs I want and not hold myself back because when I do that I just waste time asdfsergr

I still love all my OCs and I usually really enjoy working on them, but also just making new ideas and designs is so much fun too and sometimes I worry too much like, bro, I'm doing this for me I shouldn't worry what anyone else thinks that a lot of my OCs are just designs (Though most my Grumpuses have at least some basic things going on or plans to be worked on, or I'm waiting before I get smthn else done)

and its just ahsgsrjgetkhbth

idk i dont consider a grumpus ocs "finished" or "official" till i have done a sticker for em afserg

EVEN IF I STILL WORK ON THEM OR SMTHN AFTER THAT WHICH I ALWAYS DO MY OCS ARE ALWAYS WIPS IN TERMS OF WAHT I WANNA ADD BUT SAHDFJERGVRKTRTH

ahahah character design fun

[courtney-deserved-better]

whats ur writing schedule/process like! not in a “write faster” way, but i think once you mentioned writing in script form? and i like the way you wrote ur most recent fic! just curious bc ur works are just really good :)

this is a great question!!

if its not slippery slopes, ill usually get an idea for something and periodically jot down notes when they come to me until I feel like i have enough information to start writing (or if im just motivated), that's what i did for my horror challenge rewrite. and for stuff that's like... rewrites of an episode that aren't as character-focused as slippery slopes, i usually read the episode transcripts and try to replicate that total drama style with my own writing

for shorter oneshots, i usually just get a vague idea and run with it until i find a good ending spot, then i go back and clean it up a bit so the structure works

slippery slopes is an... interesting cycle. chapters are getting long enough that i cant just write them in one sitting any more (i think ch5 was the last chapter i did that for) and instead ill agonize over the beginning (always the hardest part to write for me) but once i get going with that i usually finish the chapter within a few days. then i reread the previous chapter to make sure it flows ok (and there aren't any contradictions) and then ill give myself a break where i dont do anything total drama related before coming back to edit and post. though before I do all that I type up notes and rough dialogue bits

and then once i post it it's like... a weight off my chest? like ive been purged or something?? idk its a weird sensation but im just like i Physically Cannot Write Anything For This Right Now and i don't start on the next chapter until that goes away. and then i either start the beginning and do nothing for a week before going back and finishing the chapter or i go into a manic state and write nonstop for a few days. right now i haven't reached a point where im ready to begin writing chapter 10 but i have a lot of notes for it.

(also as soon as i finish posting a chapter i try not to go on my laptop for like 12 hours so i don't obsessively refresh my email for comments. i love reading comments so much holy shit. please comment guys it makes fic authors feel so happy we will love you for it)

as for scripts: i am working on being a writer professionally, but specifically a playwright. writing in a script format comes more naturally to me than writing prose. funnily enough, i started posting fanfic just to practice my prose (and fix stuff in cobra kai that i didnt like) but things sort of... ended up here? idk man but im enjoying it.

right, so because writing in a script format is easier when im really struggling with a section in a fic ill usually scrap whatever i had and write it like a script, then translate that into prose. i was very excited to write the family videos for chapter 9 of slippery slopes, but i was Having Issues, so i redid it as a script and then rewrote that as prose. ill put the script version under the cut if you're interested in that.

but thank you so much for the question!! i do think my writing process is a bit unconventional but hey i think things are turning out well! if you have any more questions feel free to send them in!!

ok here is the last scene of ch 9 of slippery slopes in script format:

[SIERRA]

MOM: Hi honey! Omigosh this is so exciting! I bet you’re having such a great time! Especially since Chris is there! Is Chris watching this? Hi Chris! You know, I loooved you on that ice skating show. Your hair was fantastic! Well, it always is, haha. Do you really make your own hair gel? I’ve been trying to perfect the recipe but you’re just so hard to track down! Oh, you’re such a funny guy! I laughed sooo hard when you made all those jokes about marrying Chef.

Chef: hey!

Chris: ok just for the record, I wasn’t joking, we are married, Sierra tell your mom we’re married

Sierra: …can we just turn it off please

[COURTNEY]

DAD: Courtney, sayang, I know you’ve been going through a lot right now—

MOM: So you’d BETTER make it count. You’ve made it this far before, I want to see you getting all the way to the finale this time. And winning it. Enough moping about those hideous, good-for-nothing slackers! That’s what you get for hanging around freaks like them. You’re doing this for the million, now get the million. Is that clear?

ZARINA: And kick ass!

DAD: Zarina!

Video cuts out.

Alejandro: courtney you good?

Courtney: no, she’s right. Mama didn’t raise no quitter

Alejandro: [knows she’s still upset about duncan and gwen]

[ALEJANDRO]

MOM: Hola, Alejandro. We hope you are doing well, especially in such unsavory conditions. I’m glad to see you’ve made it to the final four— we expected nothing less, of course.

DAD: You have been utilizing your skills quite well. Though I wish you hadn’t been so… blatant about it. You’ll have to work twice as hard once this is over to convince people you’re trustworthy. But surely you were aware of that going into this… odd endeavor. That’s just politics. Reputation is everything.

JOSE: [snorts] Oh, and what a reputation you have, Al. I could easily compile hours of footage of your failures, but I, unlike you, do not waste my time on the frivolities of reality television. Though you always have been lacking in taste. Especially with that bratty girlfriend of yours— oh, my mistake, aren’t you dating the whiny weakling? It’s so hard to keep track! [laughs]

Alejandro: callate!

MOM: I’m sure Alejandro is just working an angle on them.

DAD: Whatever the case is, do not disappoint us.

[NOAH]

MOM: Hi Noah, I’m sorry, I don’t have time to record a full video, but I’m proud of you! Here are your sisters!

ISWARI: A million dollars? A million [bleep] dollars? Win it, Noah! Win it!

RUTH: Dude!! This is crazy! I know you can do this— good luck! Ark misses you! [holds up Ark who barks]

MARA: Are you insane? Why aren’t you dating Alejandro already?

Noah: shut up, mara, just because you can’t keep a boyfriend—

ANYA: Don’t let ‘em trick you! No mercy! Crush their skulls if you have to— no, wait, you’re not strong enough for that. We’ll get there!

LIYA: I say this as your sister, someone who loves you but is constantly annoyed by you— for someone who is quite literally a genius, you sure can be an idiot sometimes.

BALLARI: Okay, I literally have no idea how you’ve made it this far without an athletic bone in your body— are we sure you aren’t adopted? I’m kidding

ABS: You’re stubborn as hell when it comes to me, so you better be stubborn as hell when it comes to winning! And when you do win, get me a frozen yogurt machine, will you? I promise I won’t make you rock climb again!

JAEL: If you lose this, I’ll kill you with this racket. And then use your guts to make myself a new racket. So don’t fuck it up. Again.

Noah: [frozen, ashamed]

Sierra: well that was a mess

Courtney: ok show of hands, who felt better after hearing that? [no one raises hands]

Chris: yeah I was expecting this to be a lot more heartwarming…

Chef: chris just look at them. If they had stable home lives they wouldn’t be doing reality tv

Alejandro: can we please stop talking about this. Also aren’t you supposed to be flying the plane

Chef: oh fuck

Chris: yeah sure. I think im gonna call my mom

Everyone: …

Noah: ok so that was really shitty. Why dont we all go to first class and try and ignore our problems

Everyone: yeah ok sounds good

***

Courtney: so that sucked

Alejandro: at least your dad seems ok

Courtney: true. What are your guys dads like

Noah and Sierra: bold of you to assume I know my dad. Jinx

***

Alejandro: that last girl… you mentioned a sister who does tennis and hates you

Noah: yep

Alejandro: why?

Noah: none of your business. but… it is pretty justified

[casual-flower]

aww thanks!! yeah im sure it'll be great. i'm super excited for college actually!

HAHA i guess we all think alike like that 😂😂

YES YES HAND APPRECIATION!!!! 💕

ikr!!! its so much fun. ooooh i'd love to see that!! i'm sure it would look amazing~! (yup its corrupting my whole body and mind, really)

sure! i have like a bunch that i wrote down yesterday.

...okay now im looking at my notes and realizing i did less of "plot ideas" and more of "here's my philosophical take on this song and which character(s) i should write for it"... oops lol

but still

like, Not Today by TØP. that would parallel a scenario in Saeyoung's route, because it talks a lot about how like... okay i mean just look at these lyrics:

I don't know why I just feel I'm better off / Stayin' in the same room I was born in / I look outside and see a whole world better off / Without me in it tryin' to transform it

You are out of my mind, oh / You aren't seein' my side, oh / You waste all this time tryin' to get to me / But you are out of my mind / Yeah

Listen, I know / This one's a contradiction because of how happy it sounds / But the lyrics are so down / It's okay though / Because it represents, wait, better yet it is / Who I feel I am right now

...

I'm, I'm out of my mind, oh / I'm not seein' things right, oh / I waste all this time tryin' to run from you / But I'm, I'm out of my mind

Heard you say, "Not today" / Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound / Heard your voice, "There's no choice" / Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise

anywayyyzz... i dont have a specific scene in mind, but i know i can do like an introspective thing with this

(if u have any ideas about this feel free to share hehe ^^)

[417]

Ahhhh sorry it took me so long to get back to this, Four!! I had it in my drafts and forgot to finish it 😭😭

Omg that's great!! What are the parts you're most excited for? :D

Yeah it does seem to be that way lmaooo, and there can never be too much hand appreciation dksksksk

Thank you!! 😭 Its gonna be tricky to draw much, I found myself in a point where I'm gonna be very busy for a long time I think 💀💀 I'm gonna post as often as I can tho :p

OMG I get u tho I do the same thing djajsjejne it's like a analysis parallel moment, I love doing those eeeeee

707 route spoilers ig? mysme spoilers in general idk lol //

WAIT I've never heard this song before, the lyrics u sent fit so PERFECTLY?????? 😳😳😳 Like with the whole thing abt 7 avoiding MC, her chasing after him, the curtains down and window lines kind of reflecting saeran breaking into the apartment THERES SO MUCH EEEEEEEEEEEE that's such a good choice for a song!! :O

[kareofbears]

A really long post about my relationship with persona 5 

On the crisp day of november 29, 2019, i bought persona 5 on sale for six dollars. It was the last one on the shelf and i had to fight a random guy for it, even though i had only ever heard of persona from a game theory video. Played it, finished it in four months, thought it was great, but i promised myself i wouldnt play royal because “alex, you just spent 150 hours on this, are you really going to do it again?” so i was like nah, i wont play it. Thats just a waste of 85 dollars CAD, especially when you compare that to the six dollars i spent initially

And then a quirky little pandemic hit the same month that persona 5 royal dropped. 

So yeah, i bought royal pretty quickly once i realized that university was going to be completely online. Finished it in 250 hours in 28 days; less than a quarter of what it took me for vanilla. 

But the pandemic was not finished in 28 days. 

Basically, just like a whole lot of people during 2020 and 2021, i was really fucking depressed and just Not Good At All. 

Theres two reasons why i stuck with p5 for so long—one was obviously the timing of it all. Being stuck at home and playing a game that is pretty much a second life because of how in depth the world building and characters are was exactly what i needed at the time. It was the best escape i could have ever asked for. Second, its just a really really good game for me. As someone who literally majors in Cognitive Science with a minor in Political Science, yeah, this game could not have been more perfect for me. Its a game that reradicalized me, that retaught me what its like to see anger as a good thing, and especially fucking everything that happened in 2020, it was literally perfect dude. I mean, ryuji, the angriest boy in the world, became my favorite fictional character, period.

Weirdly enough, the game being so flawed probably also helped me stick around in the fandom for so long. Being angry about something was almost as fun as loving something completely. Ranting about something was as fun as making loving posts about my favorite character. Pointing out flaws in the narrative gives me the same rush as praising the music to high heaven. Hating the fandom was as great as finding someone and befriending them on discord. Everything about p5 sucked me in and kept me in, whether or not it intended it. 

Persona 5 is the type of game that is so jam packed with things to talk about that theres no way youll play it and come out of it unscatched. There really is something akin to a ‘post-persona depression’, something that makes you want to keep living in this intricate world with its characters and never-ending playthrough length and its villains and billions of themes that dont make a whole lot of sense. It was easy, so fucking easy to poke fun at it, and i absolutely did. Still do. Will keep doing.

I jumped into fandom head on during that time (that time being 2020). Ive been in many many many fandoms before p5, but i jumped into this one with a fervor in a way that i never had before. I made video edits, learned to gif, lived on pinterest/tumblr/twitter/instagram/pixiv intensely, combing through each and every thing i can find related to persona 5. For months, probably over a year, persona 5 was my saving grace. My lifeline. The call a friend option when you’re in a game show. Id be nothing without it. 

I gave my whole life to it. Every video edit took at least 6-12 hours if not more. Gifs took me a week to learn how to do and im still really bad at it (like. Really bad at it. My laptop keeps crashing cause it can barely handle photoshop lmfao). Dozens of spotify playlists, watched every youtube video i could about it, had made youtube videos about it. I talked everyone’s hear off about it—rip my beta, who knows literally every intricacy about the symbolism of running and a broken leg but not knowing jack shit about yaldabaoth (shes never played/watched p5). I made so many posts, fought so many people, befriended so many people. 

And writing. Fucking hell did i write. In 2020 alone i posted over 100k—posted. Thats not counting the dozens of half written scribbles i have between google docs and Daiso notebooks (one of them being 23k—rip that Hades AU. rip that NSFW one too). I wrote blinding lights for over three months by hand, escapril in one month, one shots consistently. I had more growth as a writer in the span of a year than i had in my whole life and i thrived at it (even though i wasnt, and still not, very good, i still improved rapidly. Even i can admit that).

For awhile, this was good. Great. I was keeping afloat, mentally, and thats all i needed. 

But then my spring semester of 2021 hit. it was by far the worst semester id ever had in my entire life. 

My gpa dropped a lot, and for one the classes i was in i was doing so so horribly that i was at a cool 30% for most of the semester, and another i was at a nice 24% for most of the semester, and as someone who is asian and has asian parents with asian mentalities, it was a huge blow to me. Top that off, my best friend and beta had left for six months to go abroad and i started doing not great things. honestly, that was an All Time Low For My Mental Health. 

I had taken a break from all social media, and had heavily leaned on persona 5 even more than i was. Anytime I wasn't strapped to my textbooks I was staring at my office wall, or longingly looking outside where i wish i was (at this point, canada had almost no access to vaccines), or thinking about p5. Over and over again, even when there was nothing to think about, I thought about p5. I was at a point where i had well and truly milked everything that the p5 fandom had to offer. I felt that i had seen everything, read everything, had formed every opinion i could, and was just grasping at air. It was so wack—i would literally get fucking sick of thinking about it because everything i was thinking of, i had already thought about hundreds of times before.  

I wanted to stay in p5, i was desperate to stay in p5, because i would much rather think about something obsessively and religiously to the point where i was nauseous than think about...life. It was a combination of hating my real life and hating my “alternate reality” that is persona 5. 

Strikers came out the same day i had failed all my midterms, but i didnt know it at the time. Actually, that was a really good two weeks—i didnt know i failed my midterms since marks werent out yet, and i got two weeks of NEW persona content. Woohoo! Score for Alex four months ago. She was so happy for a while. 

Fast forward a bit. April of 2021? Absolute hell. I had completely stopped participating in p5 at this point to make room for classes, which basically took away the only thing that even remotely made me happy. Not great, besties. 

But hey, some good news: i passed all of my classes! I literally cried for half an hour in public and called my mom immediately. She cried too. 

May was good, actually. I got my first vaccine, so I could see my friends again. I worked more, got more financially stable after taking so much time off for school. Restrictions were a little more loose, so i went out more. My beta was coming home soon. Got some sunlight. It got better, but you know, depression sticks like glue and refuses to let go. But it got better. I dabbled a little into p5 again, but it was half hearted. I still loved the game, but i didnt know what coming back to the fandom would do for me. It felt like a chore to do, and i was mad at myself, almost. Why am i not enjoying p5 anymore? I love p5. 

But p5...wasnt just p5 to me anymore. Its a symbol. It was...everything, i guess. Its a game with so much baggage to me personally. It went from a game that gave me the will to live and turned into something i needed to let go in order to live. I realized, really, really sadly and really, really painfully, that i didnt need p5 anymore. And that hurt. I always knew it would hurt when id eventually leave p5 behind. 

So i processed this in the only way i knew how—writing. I said that i would write something that represents everything i was feeling, every ounce of depression and anguish and loneliness and self hatred, and id put it in one, neat little story that also works as a goodbye to my favorite game. I gave myself a time frame: one month. July 3rd. Ryuji’s birthday. 

And i did it. Its the longest fic id ever written, my magnum opus, my starry night. The rawest piece of me, in one big google doc. I had given this everything i had, because it is everything i had. 

I felt like fucking hamilton bro. I had never written so fast, and felt so free doing it. I wrote things i had always been too scared to write—a yusuke and futaba scene (yusuke in general i was terrified of writing cause i felt i could never get him right), haru being cool, ann being a little more selfish, ryuji hating himself so so so much. Emotional kissing scenes, more argument scenes, more battle sequences, a poetic ferris wheel love scene, a mystery box type of narrative, an unreliable narrative. Jokes that i thought were funny but i was worried other people might not think it was funny. Cool scene transitions, so many em dashes, so many semi colons. Ten million metaphors. 

This was it. This was going to be my goodbye to these characters who had kept my company during the worst stage of my life (thus far). It didnt matter what sort of reception i got for this fic—whether it got a thousand comments or one. A million kudos or none. It literally doesn't matter. Because this wasnt for anyone but me, processing my own problems, and the characters i wrote about. It was my swan song. It was my tribute to these kids, but they felt more than that. It was saying goodbye to, and this may sound really sad, but it was like saying goodbye to real friends that had saved my life.

And im not saying i dont love p5 anymore, no fucking way. It will always be my favorite game, because of everything it means to me. Ill probably be buried and have p5v/r in my coffin with me as i'm lowered in. but theres nothing more for me here. I cant give anyone anything anymore, whether if its for the hypothetical you or myself. I feel like the end of the lorax, where the forest is all gone and its just me, looking at an empty field of stumps and dead grass. 

Hell, this doesnt even mean that im completely done with p5. I mean, when it comes to the pc and the switch or whatever else atlus is planning on doing, im sure there’ll be a mini fandom boom which will be cool. But i want to get to the point where p6 news will drop eventually and ill think “wow! Fantastic!” instead of being relieved at finding another thing to cling to. I want to enjoy it like a normie for once. 

I'm actually enjoying lots of different content now, which i had been too scared to do before in fear of “losing my love of persona” (wow, that sounds crazy looking back on it, but i was super serious about this). Im in the middle of playing assassins creed odyssey and im going to play Nier automata next. Im almost done watching violet evergarden (ive cried at least five times in ten episodes, its so good). I finished rewatching JJK with my beta whos finally home. I discovered lots of new artists and new songs, and i'm going to a lake trip with my best friends next week, and a trip with my family in two weeks. Im going on hangouts with my coworkers, which had been impossible to do in the past because i was so scared of the idea of being with new people. And i took a break from school for the summer, because thats the healthy thing to do.

I'm doing a lot better, i promise. 

I dont know what this post is supposed to be. Telling you my mental health? No, not really. Maybe its because i wanted to give you guys a heads up that im peeling away from p5? Eh, i guess, but not that either. This isnt a cry for help, or written so that someone out there would pity me or worse, made so that this would make you want to read my fic. God fucking forbid you think i made this so i could get a handful more kudos on ao3 asoiajdasasidjao

I think this post is more of...a diary entry for my future self, and anyone who bothers reading it can go ahead and read it if theyd like. Maybe you felt the same as me at some point, and take solace in the fact that someone out there feels the same about a random jrpg?

If you actually read this, that probably means that youre probably one of the people who made being in this wasteland of a fandom really fun and worth it.  So thank you, friend. We’re probably friends by now, right? At least a buddy. Maybe a coworker? Basically, thank you, whoever ‘you’ is. Thank you for reading, thank you for being there (even if you never interacted! I still thank you!), thank you for....existing in the same space as me. 

I hope you find comfort in your life, and are healthy. I hope you get some sun. i hope you’re doing well.