#making me wish i was rui here....

[mizuribbons]

i am weak. on my knees.

[thoughtfulfiction]

Shift in the Routine

Author’s Note: Vibes are up from episode one of Hard Knocks starring Batman but I really wanted to write something angsty.

Part II

The morning started off with an entire 16 oz cup full of coffee spilling all over the kitchen floor. The brown puddle continued to spread and you watched in horror as the caramel frappuccino you’d just spent the last 20 minutes carefully curating to perfection went to waste. Then, your apartment key got stuck in the door, snapping in half so you had to make a call to your lovely landlord who charged you $150 to replace the key, and get the maintenance guy to come in and get your old key out. There went the money that you wanted to use to splurge on lunch.

Just when you thought you’d turned a corner for the better when you got off work early, your best friend Rachel called in a panic, putting an immediate end to the relaxing afternoon you had planned.

“Hi babe! I need you to do me a huge favor.”

You sighed, mentally saying goodbye to the Netflix binge on the couch with a fluffy blanket you were desperately looking forward to. “What’s up?“

She chuckles softly, breathing out a sound of relief that you were willing to help. “You know you’re my favorite person in the world, right?”

“What do you need Rach?” You bite out, your patience mostly nonexistent after such an awful day. Even her best attempt at buttering you up wouldn’t fix it.

“Okay, okay jeez. Who pissed in your cereal this morning? Anyways, I need you to run to my office and grab my other laptop. The one I have with me died and the tablet just isn’t cutting it right now,” you can hear her whispering to someone while you wait on the other end of the line for further instructions, “texting you the address as we speak.”

Your destination was 48 minutes away from her office, much closer to your job. Rachel owed you. Big time. “Fine. Be there in an hour.” You hung up a little in the midst of hearing her say “thank you” for the sixth time.

Rachel was an interior designer, working on some top secret project with a client for the last year, whose identity she refused to reveal, that was until today when she clearly had no choice. She’d apparently asked the client if it was ok for you to come to the house and they were clearly cool with it because the gate opened and the mansion you were faced with was unlike anything you’d ever seen. Every part of you wished you’d worn nicer clothes to work today.

Before you could even knock, your friend opened the door and ushered you in, plugging the laptop into one of the kitchen outlets and pulling up whatever she needed, thanking you again for saving her ass.

You looked around the room, exquisite marble covered the countertops, super cozy looking white swivel chairs and every square inch of the place just screamed luxury. “Who the hell lives here alone? Head of the mafia?”

Rachel snorts out a laugh, typing away without looking up at you.

“Not exactly,” a male voice is heard behind you, scaring you a little. And that makes Rachel laugh even more. “I assume you’re Rachel’s friend y/n.”

No fucking way.

You glance at Rachel before turning around to face him, nodding your head. “I’m so sorry your highness, you’re more…King of the Jungle, right? The mafia is more of a Bills thing.” All the secrecy made sense now and you turn towards her, your eyes full of disbelief.

“You signed an NDA didn’t you? Because I know you’re the world’s worst secret keeper and you’ve worked for the Bengals starting quarterback for a year and I haven’t heard a peep. Wait,” you look at him again, “does this mean I have to sign one?”

“Would you like to?” Joe deadpans, a hint of amusement pokes out behind his rigid exterior. He looks even better in person, you think to yourself.

“I have always wanted to sign one but I’ve never really been in the position to do that. But now…”

“Now you’re being ridiculous,” Rachel cuts in, “he’s not gonna make you sign anything, you don’t even know the gate code.”

Waving her off for ruining your fun, you grab your keys and get ready to head home when Joe’s voice stops you in your tracks for the second time in the last 20 minutes.

“You don’t want water or anything before you go? I have an entire fridge just for Voss water. The glass bottles.” His voice is so relaxed, a calming energy surrounds him and he delivers his words with such a casual tone like it’s not one of the most absurd things you’ve ever heard.

“Are you being serious?”

“No! I’m kidding,” he laughs, a genuine hearty sound that you hope to never forget. You need to leave this fortress as soon as humanly possible before you find yourself attracted to the way the man breathes.

Rachel has long forgotten the two of you are in the room, completely in the zone while deciding between white oak and alder so the gorgeous man walks you out. Has he always been this tall? “Rich and funny. It’s very nice to meet you Joe.”

He’s about to let you leave, but he doesn’t want to regret not going for it. “Would you—maybe want to um, see each other again? When you’re having less of a bad day? I promise there will be no coffee involved, just a little dinner?” This is a stark difference from his earlier nonchalance, you can tell he’s trying to keep the nerves at bay.

“You heard all of that?” You look at him wide-eyed. Of course Joe freaking Burrow heard you complaining about spilling coffee everywhere and damaging your keys, not your finest moments. And somehow, none of that deterred him from asking you out. “I’d love to. Rachel can give you my number and I’ll see you soon?”

“Yes, definitely.”

Dinner turned into dinner and a movie which turned into several nights of ordering in. That became FaceTime dates when he would travel across the country, helping him pick out clothes to wear for his foundation’s golf tournament or getting up at ungodly hours to answer his calls during Paris Fashion Week. Then he came home to lock in for the season but not before giving you a jump scare by randomly buzzing and bleaching his hair. Everything you thought you knew about him from the media or via word of mouth living the city, was nothing compared to actually getting to be with him. He was funny and kind and the most caring person in the world and you really owed Rachel your entire life for asking you to drop off that laptop.

Admittedly, you were nervous going into the season. You’d seen him go down last year in Baltimore, watching on tv like every other fan feeling helpless as his season ended. Now you’d seen first hand how much work had gone into not only getting him back to what he was before but transforming him into a better version of what he once was. And routine was everything. Workouts and meals were scheduled down to meticulous detail, meetings with his nutritionist and strength trainer happened frequently and the closer you got to week 1 the more dialed into the process he was. You just tried your best to navigate the controlled chaos.

Friday evening before you drove home after work, you made a pit-stop at Joe’s to drop something off. Having already decided that you were staying at your place for the rest of the weekend as to not be distraction, you placed your surprise in the fridge feeling proud of yourself before closing the door, meeting your boyfriend face to face.

“Oh my god, you scared the shit out of me!” You playfully smacked his chest as he grabs onto your hands, enveloping you in a warm embrace. “I didn’t think I’d see you. Thought you’d be up to your eyebrows in New England film right now.”

“Took a break to grab a snack,” he sidesteps you to get to the fridge, taking a look inside before he spots the item you just placed in there. “What are these?”

You nod toward the tupperware in his hand, “open it.”

Joe carefully takes off the lid, looking at the contents inside like a kid on christmas morning, recognizing the look of his favorite dessert, with a twist.

“They’re protein pumpkin pie cups. The bottom is peanut butter.”

“Two of my favorite things. Well, three now, including you. Thank you.” You want to pretend to have a toothache at how sweet he’s being but instead you stand on your toes, inching your way up to kiss him on the lips and when you pull away to stand at your normal height he sneaks another kiss, pressing one onto the side of your head. It’s getting late and you really don’t want to leave, but you can’t mess up his routine. The next time you see him is after the loss, he’s understandably disappointed but also a little relieved to shake some of the rust off and come back more relaxed the next game.

Slowly but surely the losses piled up and they added more weight to his often slumped shoulders. You tried to lighten the load by being a constant presence, reminding him of how well he was playing, but the once comfortable, homey atmosphere that Joe created for you became tense. Long conversations about how the team could be better turned into shrugs, “I don’t knows” and exhausted sighs.

And now? The team was 4-8.

You’d been staying at Joe’s since the bye week ended just to make sure he wasn’t isolating himself and completely consumed by football. When he came home after the Steelers game you could instantly tell it was going to be a long night. As soon as he set foot in the door he dropped his bag off and headed up to his office without giving you so much as a glance.

Dinner was cold by the time he emerged again two hours later. You didn’t want to say the wrong thing. And you also didn’t want to just sit there and say nothing. The elephant in the room was doubling in size by the minute. “Joe, you—”

“If you’re about to say I played well you can just…not. I fumbled the ball twice and threw a pick. Three turnovers isn’t exactly a recipe for success.”

You closed your eyes, trying to come up with something that would get him to see things the way you did. “I know that, but you still fought your way back and you guys were so close to completing the comeback.”

His adam’s apple bobs uncomfortably slow as he swallows some of his frustration. None of this was your fault and he knew that. He just, really didn’t want to talk about it anymore today. He’d discussed it with the team, with coaches, the media. The game had ended long ago and he was still having to explain himself. Glancing at the clock, he let you know he was heading to bed and he was just…gone. No hug, no kiss on the cheek or anything. Which usually wouldn’t have bothered you but then you found him fast asleep with his back facing you. You climbed in behind him, treating him like the little spoon as you wrapped your arms around him but he easily removed himself from your grasp, covering himself with the blanket, mumbling something about not feeling like cuddling tonight. You had this overwhelming urge to cry so you turned away from him, squeezing your eyes shut, begging sleep to overtake you.

Waking up the next morning, you decide to shake off whatever that was last night. You texted Joe’s chef and asked him what was on the menu for tonight, thinking that a good meal and some lighthearted conversation was just the thing he needed. The work day was long and frustrating, some random sponsors came in to do some long winded presentation about the new health guidelines which was about as entertaining as watch Geno Stone miss tackles. One thing was motivating you to get through it and that was Morgan, Joe’s chef texting you that he would have everything ready when you got home and all you had to do was put your finishing touches on the evening.

All of the food was prepped, the table was set, candles lit and all you needed was Joe. You wait 45 minutes for him to walk in the door, looking surprised. “What is all this?”

“Nothing special, I just figured we could eat together before watching Monday Night Football in bed.”

The look on his face isn’t promising. “I already ate at the facility,” Joe says regretfully. He’s met with silence and it’s uncomfortable, worrying. “How was work?”

“I texted you,” your voice hardens, “twice. No response.”

“Wasn’t near my phone all day. We had a team meeting, guys said things that were on their minds and we had an open and honest conversation. I’m sorry I didn’t see it.”

You close your eyes, really trying not to cry about something so small. “Right, ok. How did your meeting go?”

“It was fine,” he shrugs, not divulging any other details and it irks you even more. Joe catches you massaging your temples, a clear sign that you’re stressed. “You alright?”

“I’m fine,” you echo his words, hoping he gets the hint, “had a long day.”

The quarterback places his hands on your shoulders, hoping to ease the tension in your posture. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“That’s rich,” you mumble.

“Hm?”

You grab his hands and pry them off of you. “I said that’s rich. You know, coming from you.”

He looks irritated but keeps his voice even, “what is that supposed to mean?”

“It means you want me to open up and talk about my feelings when you’ve been an emotional brick wall the last couple weeks! I can barely get two words out of you. Joe, I’m trying babe. I respect your time and your space, I never stay the night on Saturdays or ask you do anything past 8pm and you still shut me out. Why is that?”

“You don’t think that doing all of this is a little much right now? Everyone wants something from me all the time. I just need a second to think, on my own. And I get it, you’re trying to help but you’re always here, pestering me about little things. I really don’t need you breathing down my neck and smothering me this week.”

You stare at him for a while, processing every word he just said.

You’re pestering him.

You’re smothering him.

Breathing down his neck.

That’s why he didn’t want you to hold him last night. He thinks you’re too needy, too clingy.

You’d done the one thing you’d been telling yourself you wouldn’t do. You had disturbed his peace, messed up his flow. In trying to be helpful and proactive, you had actually gotten more in the way. And he didn’t want you here right now. He’d just made that painfully clear.

“No you’re right,” you tell him, in your most normal tone, “I’ll stop with the questions. You probably have stuff to do so I’m gonna clean this stuff up.”

Joe nods simply, heading upstairs to crack open the Dallas film. A few stray tears escape your eyes as soon as he’s gone. You gave yourself 10 minutes to have a little cry and then the leftovers were placed in the fridge, dishes put away, candles blown out and everything back in its rightful place. Then you headed upstairs to Joe’s room to pack your stuff. He clearly needed space from you and you weren’t going to stay anywhere you weren’t wanted. Carefully placing all of your bags in the car, you took a shuddering breath before putting the keys in the ignition.

He woke up out of his sleep around 4am looking for you, feeling the cold space where your body was supposed to be. Chalking it up to you maybe having slept in one of the guest rooms after the tense conversation from earlier, he turned over and went back to sleep. You knew you had a problem, tossing and turning aimlessly, growing accustomed to being next to him, literally proving his point. The honeymoon phase was over and you desperately needed to pull it together.

“You don’t need to freak out, every couple goes through a rough patch,” Rachel tries to reassure you, digging into her bowl of popcorn as you lay face first, mumbling into your pillow. “Babe I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”

It feels like there’s a ton of bricks weighing you down after one disagreement. “Rach you didn’t hear what he said. And the way he looked at me. He hasn’t even called or texted or anything. And I’m not texting him, that would be smothering or pestering or everything else he said. God I just, I don’t know.”

She hated to see you struggling like this. “Just give yourself some time and you’ll eventually know the right thing to do. You two are annoyingly into each other and those genuine feelings don’t go away because of a stress filled heated moment.”

She was right, all you needed to do was give him space. You dove face first into your job, attending every meeting five minutes early and staying later to get ahead on the next day’s to-do list. Joe did eventually text late in the afternoon, asking if you were coming over for dinner but you told him you had a work thing.

By day three of you having “work stuff,” Joe was calling bullshit. All of your responses were either dry, a simple “yes” or “no” or you kept it short and sweet. And he didn’t like it. Even though he prided himself in being able to compartmentalize, at home it felt empty and void of color and joy without you. He’d pushed you away and embarrassingly said some things that he didn’t even really mean, he just lashed out of exasperation and now he hadn’t heard the sound of your voice in almost 80 hours.

He needed to fix this.

“Can open the door? We need to talk.” He sounded out, in between semi frantic knocks on your door.

Slowly cracking it open, you let him in. “What do we need to talk about?”

His hair is messy and still slightly wet, like he ran here immediately after a shower. Seemed like this couldn’t possibly wait another second. “I’m sorry. I said things I shouldn’t have. I was upset because you’re right. The other night,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair, “you called me out and I didn’t want to admit you had a point so I dug myself a hole. And I’m so sorry for hurting you.”

You wanted to melt into his arms and forgive him. You wished it was that easy. But his words just kept playing over and over in your mind. “I appreciate the apology.”

“So…you’ll come home with me?”

“Joe I am home. And you have—a strict sleeping schedule. It’s getting late, I’m sure you’re tired.”

He wonders quietly how long you’ve been like this, giving robotic, monotone responses like you’re just saying things that you think he wants to hear. “It is getting late, but I’ve gotten so used to you being next to me that I don’t sleep as well when you’re gone.”

“Really? Cause I thought I was smothering you. Or what was the other one? Oh right, breathing down your neck.”

“Babe, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Well you still said it! And now I’m wondering if I’m too much for you or how you had to drive over here instead of going home and getting your rest trying my best to be what you need,” you pause, looking at him through watery eyes, “I don’t know if I’m cut out for this.”

He seems visibly shaken, hesitantly steps toward you, reaching out to hold your hand to make your not going to disappear into thin air and leave him on his own. “Wh—what you mean?”

“I just, I really think I’m the one that needs some space. To figure out where the hell I even fit into all this. If I still want to fit into all this. I’m not saying I want to breakup I just think—you’re in a really pivotal time in the season and I don’t want to get in the way.”

Joe gives your hand a squeeze, “you’re never in the way. Actually it’s the opposite, I just wasn’t appreciative enough of everything you’ve done for me this year. But if you want space then, take all the time you need.” He swallows the lump in his throat and presses his lips to your forehead, uttering out that he’ll be waiting until you’re ready.

You take a step away from him as his soft lips linger on your skin whispering, “Joe…can you please go?”

He nods, slowly closing the door behind him. You imagine him walking away, climbing into his Porsche and heading home alone. Maybe this is how it should be, him over there, you here.

Tonight almost hurts more than the last time, so much so that the tears won’t even come. You’re just…numb. But you need this space to see if this life is something you’re ready to commit to. Because the last thing you want to be is another thing on his schedule.

[toomiieimagiines]

hihihi

uhm so am i allowed to request again (i don’t wanna spam) 😭😭🙏

and if i am can u pls do a rui x hopeless romantic best friend reader (i’m totally normal about best friends to lovers lmfao)

so like the reader is always yapping about hot guys and it’s a little angsty at first because rui is thinking to himself ‘why did i have to fall inlove with someone that won’t ever choose me’ and then one day a hot guy comes up to reader and asks her out, reader is about to say yes but then she realises that she barely knew him and there was someone (rui) who had been by her side since day one and she figures out who she really loves (RUIII) so she rejects him and when rui asks why she just hugs him and says ‘because your the one i really want’ mwah mwah i feel like such a genius (i really hope this made sense lmao be prepared for a million bestie-> lovers and angst-> fluff rui requests 😼)

thank youyoyoyoyoyuuu!!

hi guys! i’m so so incredibly sorry for how inactive i have been! unfortunately, the fanfic writer curse caught up to me, and i’ve had considerably bad things happen to me! ToT

i had developed a really bad addiction after a recent episode - which may be why i’ve loved to write my characters so miserable, but they get a happy ending in the end - and have recently relapsed after a couple months. i’ve also been struggling with a lot of things, like being bullied again, pressure from theater, classes, autism, parental issues, memory of past trauma, having no friends, things like that. i’ve just been having a really hard time, so writing has been super difficult for me. i’m currently having some of the worst mental health in my life, and am un-recovering from other things i’ve had in the past too, after seeing the results of my recovery. sorry if this triggered anybody, i just needed to get this off my chest, and felt also that i should explain where i have been. you all supporting me has kept me going, and i hope you enjoy this one too! LETS END THE PITY PARTY!!!

in other - not so depressing news - here you guys go!! sorry for OOCness, obviously this is a more dramatic approach to a story! happy ending, j tried to write the inner narration differently for how you two were feeling at the time.. and ty once again for such a great idea, mama ^3^

“I don’t think I could stand to be where you don’t see me.”

If he has to sit here and listen to this one more time, he thinks he’ll go insane.

Rui Kamishiro loves you. He truly does. You’re his best friend, his partner in crime, his-

Never mind.

Rui loves you, but he absolutely HATES your taste in guys, and it’s driving him nuts. Nodding and agreeing can only get him so far before he wants to rip his own hair out, and tonight is no exception.

“I give up! All boys are dumb, I don’t need them!” You lament, resting your chin in your hands. It’s the same song and dance over and over. You swear off boys, you get attention, you get sucked in, and he has to pick up the pieces when it inevitably fails. How many times has he thought about how much better he would treat you now? He doesn’t know. He’d be a classical lover, he’d never speak to you the way those stupid unprincipled high school boys do.

Gross. That’s his best friend, why’d he think that? And when did he start being so self confident? He really outta look at himself in the mirror. What an egomaniac he’s turning out to be.

He shakes his head.

“You do know I’m still a boy, right?” He prods, trying to cheer you up. He knows this situation well, and he knows exactly how to make you feel better. Again he’d pull you out of this, and again he’d watch you fall in love.

He wishes you could be happy. He wishes you weren’t in love with being in love. You’re too pure for true love, love is disgusting, depraved, and unkind. You’re not anything like that.

“I know, I know, but you’re the only good one!” You point, words self-assured. “I don’t need a boyfriend, you do everything boyfriendy for me anyway!”

Ouch. Thanks a lot, that’s exactly what he needed to hear right now. He’s not gonna dwell on that last bit for now, he’ll wait until he’s home. Then he can- he doesn’t know. Cry, or something juvenile like that.

“So I’m back-up-boyfriend?” He masks himself in jest, smiling teasingly at you.

“Eh, maybe,” you snicker, “you’d definitely be cute if you weren’t my friend.”

He turns to his school work sharply, trying to mask his complete and utter despair. Ugh, why does he have to be so dramatic? His own personality makes his skin crawl with disgust and hatred, and that only makes him cringe more. He could think about how obnoxious he is all day. Maybe he should use that go home and cry pass early. He pretends to check the time, as if that isn’t all he’s been doing.

“It’s getting late, after this problem I should get going.” He mutters, scribbling some random numbers into his notebook. You yawn in response, being broken out of absentmindedly scrolling through your phone.

“Ugh, I wish you didn’t have to go!” You drape an arm over his torso, trying to hold him in. He smiles fondly, wrestling to get you off of him.

“I’d have to walk home in the dark then, do you want that?” He knows you’d never let him, and he sees it immediately.

Your face looks knowing, and you let him go right away. It amuses him at first, but quickly fills him with overwhelming pity. You’re so kindhearted it makes him sick. You shouldn’t worry about someone like him, it’s bad for your health.

“Would you like me to walk home with you?!” You shoot up, the idea of him not being safe running through your head. Maybe he should’ve kept his mouth shut. How emasculating! He’s not a helpless young girl! He’s just as manly as those boys who you long for, he’s not a puppy to be walked!

God, is jealously turning him into a bigot? He shakes his head once again, this time not just to clear his thoughts. He’s absolutely not letting you walk him home, it’d be mortifying. He takes your attention belly up, you should have a break. Maybe some time to yourself for a change? God, Rui, get a grip.

“I’m fine, I don’t want you out late by yourself either,” he assures, looking at you in haste.

“Ah. You have a point.”

“I always do.” He means more to that, and he wishes he could tell you. He wants you to see that even he knows what he’s talking about. He needs you to see him, just for once. Not as a best friend, or backup boyfriend, just as a regular one. As a lover who dances in the rain, or ties your shoes

He needs to stop. He shouldn’t think about you like that. It’s lecherous.

You two exchange goodbyes, giving him a long hug (much to his horror). He hates how feverish it is it hold you like this, it makes him feel guilty. His body gets hot, his cheeks flare up, his throat feels tight- it makes him feel like a pervert, even if his thoughts are the farthest thing from lewd.

He feels that everything he thinks about you is repulsive, though.

“Be safe”’s and “See you later”’s are passed between you two, and he walks down your front steps, now completely alone. His eyes scan the damp pavement, seeing the golden hues from the sky light the boring rock. That’s how he feels about you, he decides. You’re the sun, and he’s the pavement. He humors himself by thinking that your suitors are the clouds, stopping you from shining your light for him so he can grow weeds in the cracks of his soul. That’s what these feelings are. Weeds.

He wants to live life beautifully with you, he decides. He wants to tie your shoes, he wants to twirl you as you dance.

He wishes he could be the moon. Something of consequence- of importance, but he’s just the pavement. Not the earth, not the stars, not the clouds, or rain, he’s just a man made monster who destroys nature - you - and is walked over by people who do matter.

He should quit being this way, he grumbles, it doesn’t do anybody any good to be so flowery. He’s too girly- too weak. Maybe that’s why you don’t like him. If you’re willing to date anything that moves other than him, that must mean he’s on a completely new level, huh?

That’s what dreaming gets you, Rui. Crushed dreams and embarrassment.

He lets out a pitiful sigh, kicking a pebble with his shoe. He sees a worm in a lawn which reminds him of himself, he sees a couple shopping for a new game which reminds him of you, he sees a convenience store which reminds him that he’s hungry-

His life can be so mundane sometimes, what a drag.

He’s about to reach his front door, when he steps into a puddle. It feels like an appropriate representation of his life right now. A sense of disgraceful hilarity washes over him, and he begins to laugh. He laughs a while, he laughs as he takes his shoes off, he laughs as he peels his button up down, and he laughs as he lays in his bed. How dramatic he could be some times!

He falls asleep quickly. He has a dream about being on stage and forgetting his lines.

He wakes up with a thud, he fell out of bed. How embarrassing. He decides to check his phone.

Weirdo: RUII

Weirdo: wanna hang w me 2day?? u don’t have dance time right??

Weirdo: gonna kill you. WAKE UP

Me: I’m awake, sorry!

Weirdo: finally sleeping beauty

Weirdo: wanna get a snack? i’m simply starved…

Me: When?

Weirdo: an hr maybe…

Me: Okay :) I’ll tell you when I leave.

Weirdo: kay!!

He really doesn’t feel like being social today, but he’d never pass up an opportunity to see you. He’s an obscene degenerate when it comes to you, pouncing on your attention like a sick dog. It’s mortifyingly pathetic.

He gets dressed, throwing on a boring striped sweater. It’s getting colder outside recently, and he’s always ran cold anyway. His hands are shaky and nervous as he brushes his teeth, the anxiousness to see you making his body jittery. He considers breakfast, but quickly shuts the idea down. He doesn’t want to be stressed out - at least more than he already is - when he sees you. Twitchy hands lock his door, and he gets a few feet away before he double checks that he did, in fact, lock it. Pull yourself together, Rui! He screams at himself.

The walk is just as unexciting as he expected, albeit a bit chilly. He’s feeling thankful for the sweater. The breeze runs its hands through his hair, and he’s reminded that winter is coming. He always liked Autumn flowers the best, hibiscus flowers are pretty too, he supposes. It’s nice to have the warmth of the sun soothing his cold hands during summer, for sure.

He trips over a rock on the way, and his pants get wet on the knees. Khaki blends into an ugly brown, and he sighs. How unlucky, would anything go right for him today?

Turns out it will, you look really good today.

You great him at the door, practically buzzing with eagerness. It makes him smile, knowing that you do, in fact, want to see him. Or at least are acting like it. You’re a good friend to him, he’s lucky to have you.

“Rui!” You hug him as a greeting, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist. His heart soothes, eyes closing in relaxation. Problems feel obscure and distant when you two are like this, despite his reluctance last night. He can forget about corrupt feelings - or misguided love- and he can just be your best friend. Despite his apprehension to be cared for, he is flattered that you, at least, seem to like him.

“Hey.” He breaths you in, his voice soft. He hopes you don’t notice, it’s embarrassing.

“Hey!” You reply, pulling away. “Big things planned, Rui!”

“What big things?” He asks, amused. “Big things” for you were junk food and shopping.

“Big things! It’s a surprise!” You put your shoes on, and he can’t help but feel jealous as he watches your hands tie them dutifully. He sighs, stretching. He decides to make it a challenge to act normal the whole day. No weird thoughts are going to beguile his mind, he promises himself.

You lock your front door, twisting the knob to make sure that it did, in fact, lock. This fills him with a child-like sense of delight, maybe you two really were similar.

Nah, not possible. You’re too pure - too perfect. Ugh, Rui, no more stupid thoughts.

He watches you check the time, make a face at a nearby bird, and cover your cheeks with your hands. You suddenly perk up, wrapping your arms around him.

“Warm me up, will ya?” You scowl at the cool air, grip tightening. He gulps. It’s weird he reacts like this, considering you two have done things like this all the time. It’s normal, so why does he have to be such a creep? His arms wrap around yours, running his hands up and down to create heat.

“Should’ve worn a jacket,” he chides, “wouldn’t be cold, y’know?” His voice is so casual, like everything is totally fine. It is fine. Fine, fine, fine.

“Gotta look good. I’m on the hunt, obviously,” you joke. It isn’t funny to him, but he lets out a laugh.

“You’re hopeless.”

You two stop at a convenience store first, and you all but sprint to the drinks. He had this ritual down to a science. You grab two different color slushies, and he grabs whatever odd snack catches your collective stomachs eye today. Today the two of you decide to split a cookie, and walk to the counter. The cashier gives you a smirk, and he averts his eyes.

“This it?” The boy cocks his head, and you get the memo. You immediately jump on the opportunity.

“Mhm!” You wink, resting your chin in your hands while leaning against the counter. In all honestly, he wasn’t even that cute. At least, that’s what Rui kept telling himself.

“Don’t worry about it, than. I got you guys,” he waves you off. Score! You think, but he adds. “If I can get your number.” Rui feels like falling into the floor, how awkward! You just scribble it onto a stray receipt, winking.

“Thank you! You’re the sweetest!!” You singsong, skipping along with Rui following suite. You immediately burst into laughter, throwing a fake punch at Rui. “What a weirdo! Like I’d call him over what, 1000 yen?! I don’t even know him, yuck!”

So you did have some sense, he feels like letting out a sigh of relief. You hold your hands out.

“Which one do you want? I got your favorite!!” You look so proud, and he wants to laugh. His “favorite” isn’t actually his favorite, but he’d never tell you that.

The lie started one day in middle school, when the two of you suddenly had a weird craving for slushies. When you picked them out, you had gotten a red one and a blue one, and asked him what he wanted. While he really didn’t like red, he knew you liked blue, so he said red. Now for the past four years, you’ve always ended up getting him a red one, thinking it was his favorite. He’ll deal with it for you. Seeing your blue tongue stick out with brain freeze is better than any sugary drink anyway.

“Red, duh.” He scoffs playfully, taking a sip of it. The taste doesn’t really bother him all that much anymore. It reminds him of you.

You always let him divide the snacks, thinking he gives himself the bigger half. He never does, but he eats slower so you think he did. You skip along, enjoying it.

“Y’know, this isn’t bad. Wish they had the brownie, though. That never does us wrong.” God, don’t make him think of the ‘crack brownies’ - as you two call them. Those are great, and he likes them, so you never miss an opportunity to shove them down his throat.

“Don’t complain. Remember the egg roll incident?” He points, laughing at the memory. You two steer clear of that section now, having gotten sick.

“Ugh, I haven’t thought about that in a while! I’m never eating an egg roll again after that day! Ugh,” you gag.

Moments of silly memories like this make him feel like he’s known you forever. He can’t even remember a moment where he hasn’t loved you.

“Where’re we going now, commander?” He salutes, following the trail of sunshine you left behind.

“Where ever the wind blows us, kind sir!” You salute back, pushing him along. Your constant checks of your phone don’t go unnoticed by him, and he fights the urge to roll his eyes.

“Who’re you texting? Don’t tell me it’s that guy.” He tries to sound casual, knocking his shoulder against yours playfully.

“‘M not a total idiot, I’ll have you know!” You huff, holding your phone to your chest. “It’s just somebody we went to school with a while back, ‘m seeing if I can pull the moves.”

“Do I know him?”

“Dunno, never saw you two talking, so maybe not. He was in my english class, remember, the only class we didn’t have together?”

“Ah.”

You two walk in silence, except for when he yanks you back from the collar so you don’t walk into oncoming traffic, which amuses you greatly. You two soon arrive at the small mall, and he tails you as you run with excitement. You two browse everything, constantly pointing out cute plushies, or interesting keychains.

“Rui, look! Look!” You shake him, pointing to the back of somebody’s head inconspicuously. “Wait don’t yet- Okay, now! He’s turning around! That’s the guy! What a coincidence we see him here, right? Do you recognize him?”

Ha. Yeah, he knows this guy. He definitely knows him. He’s the one who would trip him during passing periods, he’s the one who left flowers on his desk. They make eye contact, and it’s like all of his growth left his body. He’s just the same freak from middle school, he’s still thirteen.

He shudders at the guys smirk, sensing that he definitely knows that Rui knows him. He jogs over to the two of you, and Rui already knows what’s about to happen, due to the lopsided smile on your face.

Damnit, this is the first time he doesn’t think he can act like it’s okay.

“Oh wow, what a coincidence! Must be fate we run into each other like this, ehe…” You giggle awkwardly, a dumb expression gracing your face. It’s painful seeing you that way for anybody other than him, and he looks away awkwardly.

“Must be.” He answers, swaggering closer towards you. Rui thanks whatever God above because - despite his current situation - at least this asshole didn’t go to highschool with you guys.

He looks down at his shoes, and tries to shuffle away, knowing this jackass is about to say something. He’s quickly stopped.

“Who’s this, huh? Feel like a recognize him from somewhere…” He trails off, smirking through his nose as he turns his attention to him. “Have we met before?”

“This is Kamishiro Rui, he’s my friend! He went to middle school with us, remember?” You happily answer for him.

Ha, friend? What happened to back-up boyfriend? He’s a little hurt, to be honest.

He feels bitter, it’s unbecoming- God, he doesn’t care. He should feel bad for getting so angry over it, it’s not like you belong to him. He’s such a freak, getting attached to you like this.

He starts to pick at his fingers, then he plays with a loose string on his sweater. You two continue to chat like nothings wrong, and he keeps thinking. It’s something he’s gotten good at recently.

He stops feeling bad about himself for a second- a split second where he resents you, and wishes his pain upon you. Wants you to know what it’s like to be so disgustingly, guiltily, revoltingly obsessed with someone. In this split second, he can’t even find it in himself to feel guilty about it, which is unlike him. He wishes you felt love like this, that you were as psychotic about it.

But this doesn’t last long, because he remembers that he loves you more than anything. He’s lucky to be your friend. You’re a great friend, you’re an amazing person, you’re the sun, the sun, the sun.

He’s the pavement, he has to remember.

“I’m- I’ll leave you to it, y’know? Fabric store.” He stutters, choking on his voice. You don’t even notice, waving him off.

You do, however, remember to press his shoulder, uttering an absentminded “Okay, Rui, bye,” and he remembers again how perfect you are for doing it subconsciously. He lets himself feel the touch, long after he’s walked away. He deserves it after the trouble he’s reliving.

When he makes it to the fabric store - which he really didn’t need anything from, Nene had gotten some the other day - he can’t help himself from wishing he could just go home. Malls were always overwhelming already, and now his saving grace has the attention of another man. He walks through aisles, but realizes that he now has to buy something.

‘Least he knows that social cue, he laughs bitterly, running his hands across his face in frustration. He’s so ridiculous.

Meanwhile, you were chatting up a storm. It was your first time talking in person since middle school, after all! You feel giddy for a while, but it cuts abruptly. You feel a strange sense of urgency, something’s missing.

Oh, your best friend.

But where had he gone? You’re sure he was just here. You smile apologetically at the cute boy, putting on your best performance.

“Oh, I better go get my friend now. I don’t like walking home when it’s late. Was nice seein’ you, let’s hang out soon, ‘kay?” You singsong, stepping closer. You want to give yourself a pat on the back, you’re so cute.

He rolls his eyes, and you’re hit with a wave of uneasiness. That noise he made sounds strangely dismissive, he’s not the kind of guy to be a jerk though, you must be hearing things-

“Leave ‘im. Between you and me, he was a total freak in middle school. Probably is now, too. Probably likes you or somethin’, total nutcase.” His voice sounds so casual, like it’s not the douchiest thing you’ve heard all day.

You let other men walk all over you, sure. You let them cheat on you, lie, whatever. But you’re not about to stand here and insult Rui. He’s the only untouched thing in your life - the only person who isn’t cruel. He’s so gangly and awkward, but in the best way. You could live a million times and not be able to deserve him, at least you think so. He’s so unusual, and that’s what you love most about him. Little things like not liking loud lights, or liking the red slushies the best, make your heart buzzy with familiarity. He’s the one constant in your life.

You’ve been awfully worried about him recently, though. His particularly (as you like to call it) has gone to the an extreme, and it’s been a battle getting him to eat real food. You’re not blind, you see the way he’s been spacing out, or tapping a little too much. You just thought he’d been overwhelmed. He worries you to death sometimes, but despite all of his own struggles, he always seems to not care about it, deciding to always be there for you instead. Ah, he’s just such an amazing guy - no, not guy, he’s not anything like those other boys you talk to. He’d never insult someone like that. He’s not just a guy, he’s like your person.

Yeah, he’s definitely your person.

Your heart sputters at the thought, and you feel something you’ve never really felt before - save for hugs between the two of you that lasted just a second too long, or words a little too romantic. The feeling makes your mind fuzzy, and your heart hurt terribly with something you could only place as homesickness.

Oh.

“I,” you begin, backing away. “Yeah, I’m sorry but I’ll really be going now-“

“What? C’mon I was just messing with you, even though having guy friend’s kinda weird.” He rolls his eyes.

“Yeah whatever, I’ll call you back,” you say dismissively.

You’re totally lying, you laugh, you’re not calling him back.

He didn’t seem to like that.

“Damn, can’t even joke around with you people. Whatever, weirdo, sorry I insulted your little boyfriend.” The change in tone amuses you.

Yeah, good riddance, pal.

You turn away, walking through the mall with pace. It takes a while, but you spot him watching a pet stores aquarium.

He’s a funny one.

You wave your hands, trying to get his attention. He swallows, knowing that it’s probably to ask him if it’s cool to walk home by himself. Emotions are stupid, and ironically, you both think that at the same time.

“Rui! Rui! Hey c’mon, let’s go home, yeah?” You smile, face feeling warm. It’s a different feeling from when you usually talk to him. He looks at you, a little shocked. He had assumed you were smiling wide because you set up a date, so he turns his head.

“Where is he, huh?” He looks away, back to the fish tank. You shift in place, was he mad at you? You’re a little irritated at the mention of the guy, though, and huff.

“Don’t worry about that. Seems like I only attract douchebags, so I decided to go.” You explain, poking his shoulder. “Hey,” you start, “let’s just walk home, I wanna talk to you about something.” The idea makes you feel dizzy, but you’ll have to illustrate your feelings one day.

You can leave out the “I think I’m in love with you” part, you think.

The two of you walk in an excruciating silence, staring down at the reflection of the setting sun in the puddles. His heart tightens, remembering his earlier comparison. Even now, you’re so perfect. Even if he’s frustrated with you - despite you turning down the guy in the end (he doesn’t know why, he wanted to ask) - even if he’s ready to scream, and cry, and ask you what it is he did for you to be so turned off by him, he still thinks you’re the most heavenly, divine person to ever grace his view. He wants to be where you see him, he wants to be in your orbit.

“You’re like the sun-“ He blurts out, immediately regretting it. He didn’t mean to say that, God, he’s so fucking stupid. He sees you stop walking, smiling that same stupid, dopey, lopsided smile that he’s always so jealous of-

Oh. It’s for him.

He chokes, stopping to meet you eye-to-eye. You look up at him too, laughing giddily.

“What does that mean?”

He sputters, stepping away. “N-no it’s nothing- It was stupid anyway so-“

“No, tell me!” You urge, laughing a little harder. “What if it was something bad, ‘nd you were making fun of me? That’s not nice, Rui!”

“I- Hey-“ His voice goes a touch higher, a defensive tone rising. “That’s not-“

“Then tell me.”

“It’s just,” he breaths, trying to word it in the least creepy way possible. How does convey the fact that he sees you as a divine presence, that he sees himself as a worthless creature compared to you, without sounding like he’s hopelessly possessed by love for you? “I just- you’re so amazing,” he starts, “I thought of this stupid thing the other day when I was walking home - you know how I am - and well, I just thought of you when the sun reflected off the pavement - since it rained, y’know? - and well, it just- Sorry, it was dumb-“ He rambles, covering his face in anguish.

Nobody’s ever put that much thought into you. Sure, you’ve received a few ‘You’re so gorgeous’’s, where you’ve had to wonder where they learnt such a “big word”, but never something as poetic as that. The usual Rui-ratic explanation endeared you to him even more. You look at him, the smile never leaving. He’s just… so Rui. His stupid striped sweater, his half up hair - that you’d begged him to grow out - his eyes, whatever. Everything about him you treasure, and little do you know he cherished you even that more intensely.

“I think you’re the moon, Rui. Or maybe the earth, since I take care of you, hah!” You snicker, stepping closer to him. He takes a step back in return, and you grab his hands to make him stay put. His heart throbs, and he almost goes crashing down.

“I.. I don’t-“

You yank his hands, making him look back up at you. “Hey, Rui, I,” you look at him assuringly, “I wanna say something, and you can’t laugh okay?”

He holds his breath, so do you.

Fuck it, just tell him.

“I think I’m in love with you, Rui.” You gaze at him, the words shooting out faster than you can second guess them.

“I don’t-“ He breaks away, his fists balling up. You messed up, you think, you really, really messed up. “I’m not- I’m not going to- You can’t just say that because you got rejected. I- It wouldn’t be nice to- You don’t love me-“

“Rui,” you beg, grabbing his arm again, “holding hands on the way to school, cuddling while doing homework, knowing everything about eachother, these aren’t-“ You breath, “I’ve wanted somebody to love me for so long, Rui, and I was so blind to the fact that I was loved. But the love that I felt for you, - that I feel for you - Rui, isn’t the kind where I can be- where I can just be so- so normal about those things!” You monologue, saying whatever’s on your mind. You’re the rambling one now.

“I found myself comparing you to these piece-of-garbage dude’s I’m always with, wishing I could just date somebody like you instead! But now I realize that it is you-“

His heart falls into his gut, and he breaks free from you again. His hands move to his face, covering his eyes. His voice is broken and cracky as he begins to cry. “That was- you-“ He pulls you into a desperate embrace, arms holding you like you’ll disappear. “You shouldn’t, you’re wrong.” He sobs, “I’m- the way I love you is- You don’t understand, the way I feel isn’t normal I- My love is disgusting, and horrible, and depraved-“ He shakes, you rub his back. “You are so perfect compared to me, I’d never be able to- I love you so much, more than friends are supposed to, more than anyone’s supposed to at our age-“

“Rui, hey Rui please don’t cry.” You beg, smoothing out the ridges in his sweater. “I don’t- I don’t agree with that, and I can scream that at you, but I’m sure you won’t believe me. You’re not disgusting for feeling emotions different, Rui that’s what I love about you.”

“Stop- stop saying my name like that. It’s too hard to-“

“Rui, I love you. You don’t need to accept it, but I love you. More than being in love, more than being loved-“

“I love you, too,” his voice cracks, “that’s why I’m so scared. I don’t want to ruin a friendship that’s all I have, if this is just- I’m scared I’d lose you in any way, and I can’t live in a world where you don’t see me. I won’t. It’s sounds horrible but-“ He stops as you pull away from the hug, and wipes his face hastily. You put your pinky out, and his stomach drops again.

“C’mon, just like when we were kids. Pinky promise that no matter what, we’ll always see each other. That way you don’t need to worry anymore, y’know? I never break my kissy pinky promises, ever.”

Just like when you two were little.

He locks his with yours, just like you taught him all those years ago. He remembers your shared handshake for theater, he remembers your shared handshake for testing, and he remembers the song you two had to duet for choir - when you have forced him into it for a year. He holds everything of you so dear to his heart, you endear everything about him to you as well.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“I see you.”

“I see you, too.”

You two kiss your hands, then bring them down, still interlinked. You stare at him, and he stares back at you. In a moment of profound sincerity, you lean forward, and kiss him. It’s slow and gentle, and you unlock your hands half way through to hold his face, which he mirrors. His heart settles for the first time. You see him. He’s your moon, your earth, you’re his sun, his stars.

He’s suddenly alarmed by a quick pushing off of him, gasping out a “Rui!”

“I-“ he pants, wiping his mouth. “Hm?”

“we’re in the middle of a park!”

[tokutaiseichan]

Characters Awakening Lines Translations

After posting the lines for Jin and Rui, I felt like translating other characters too so here we are!

Please note that since I don’t have access to all of the characters’ lines, most of the raw lines are taken from the unofficial JP wiki. The texts are all there so if any of you notice any errors/mistranslations, feel free to correct me!

FROSTHEIM

Jin

Awakening: To think I'm receiving alms from my servant... Should I kneel in front of you? Fully Awakened: Trust is something that can be broken easily. Don't you dare come any closer than you already have.

Tohma

Awakening: This feeling… It appears that you want me to keep reaching out for the top. Is that how it is? Fully Awakened: With this power, we're one step closer to achieving our goal. And I'm* going to make sure we see it through the end. [*he's referring to himself as “ore” instead of his usual “”watashi” here]

Luca

Awakening: I devote myself to protecting the weak, for that is the path I have to take. Fully Awakened: I'll become stronger than anyone. I don't want to lose anything important to me一not anymore!

Kaito

Awakening: Could it be… even someone like me can get stronger too? Fully Awakened: You have done so much for me! This man, Kaito, will no longer run away!!

VAGASTORM

Alan

Awakening: This power is dangerous. Stay away from me. Fully Awakened: I don't really know what’s appropriate to say for this kind of thing, so… well… umm, thanks a lot.

Leo

Awakening: C'mere, Honor Roll~ I'll show you those guys’ ugly crying faces too~ Fully Awakened: Obviously. If I don't like someone, I’ll take matters into my own hands and create hell on earth just for them. There's no such thing as divine retribution, you know?

Sho

Awakening: Thanks for waiting. Well? What do you want me to do now? Say it clearly. Fully Awakened: Sure, okay. I got it. If it's your request, I'll make sure to at least listen to it through the end.

JABBERWOCK

Haru

Awakening: That sure hits the spot~ Now I don't even need those energy drinks! Fully Awakened: I'm going as far as this road is going to take me. I made a choice to walk down this path and it's not something I can just simply throw away.

Towa

Awakening: Heheh~ Did I get stronger? How interesti~ng. Fully Awakened: I wonder why humans are such foolish, whimsical, and pitiful creatures… yet they manage to still be so lovable?

Ren

Awakening: Doing something like this… Senpai, what are you planning? Fully Awakened: Geez! Even if you look at me with those expectant eyes, I know you'll just get tired of me right away…

SINOSTRA

Taiga

Awakening: Gyahahahaha! Aren't you one greedy little kitten~? But I don't hate that about you. Fully Awakened: A hasty greed and a sincere wish. There's no big difference between the two of them.

Romeo

Awakening: Come now. Is it really the time to be charmed by my beauty? Fully Awakened: I need to be perfect all the time一for that is my way of staying triumphant on this world.

Ritsu

Awakening: This will help in furthering my career. Fully Awakened: I definitely will become the best attorney in Japan, and then I shall ensure my father's name will be clear from all the alleged infamy he's received.

HOTARUBI

Subaru

Awakening: I’m so happy that you're right here beside me to watch me grow. Fully Awakened: “Ignorance is Bliss" and “Silence is Golden”. Don't you agree that it's unreasonable to try and break the admonitions we inherited from our predecessors?

Haku

Awakening: Oi oi oi. Don't expect too much from me, you hear? Fully Awakened: If our life were decided by the things we were born with, you bet I'd be the first one to kiss that kind of life goodbye.

Zenji

Awakening: It seems that my capability has bloomed yet again! Fully Awakened: I was wrong, my dear. As it turns out, dreams are not to be kept as just an idealized fantasy but something we should achieve with our own hands.

OBSCUARY

Edward

Awakening: Oh dearie me. If you whip my old bones any harder, I might actually die this time, you know? Fully Awakened: Sometimes a youthful folly can lead one into committing grave sins. So I hope that you keep this in mind一remain modest and cautious.

Rui

Awakening: Thanks a bunch for working hard for my sake~ I really mean it! Fully Awakened: It's fine if you ended up forgetting about me. I simply wish for you, of all people, to become happy.

Lyca

Awakening: Thanks. I want to show the current me to Neros soon. Fully Awakened: I’m going to work hard. I don't want to come back to those hellish days anymore.

MORTKRANKEN

Yuri

Awakening: This feeling! It stimulates my brain cells! Fully Awakened: I will pioneer the advanced road of genomic analysis for anomalies and establish myself as the best doctor in the world!

Jiro

Awakening: Thank you very much. I feel slightly better. Fully Awakened: I won't let you die. The reason I'm helping you? I don't really understand it myself either.

[toyaslove]

Hii can you do pjsk boys with a hall monitor s/o? (Just like An)

A/N: Hello! Of course!! Sorry for taking so long to write your request, but here you go! I hope you'll like it..!

Tw: none!

Toya Aoyagi, Tsukasa Tenma, Akito Shinonome, and Rui Kamishiro x GN!Reader (separately)

Tags: @mccnstruck @hoshiilikesjojo @miya-akane @hinozukuu @akitosheart @toyaswif3y @sentientsoil – Come get your clumsy boys!

Hall Monitor!

Writing style: hc's and little scenarios

• • •

• • •

Akito Shinonome

あき~

▪︎ He isn't a good student nor a bad one. So u don't have to keep an eye on him because he's not a bother to you nor your Kamiyama High School

▪︎ He uses you almost as a shield. "Oh, you wanna prank the teacher? Yk, my S/O is the hall monitor, we could get in trouble"

▪︎ Mostly to... get out of trouble, yk?

▪︎ He can have his bold smile, and he looks like a troublemaker. When you met him, he made you think that. But he's actually... a really chill going? It's even surprising. Maybe because of his singing partner Toya!?

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

"Akito Shinonome. The coordination wants to talk to you" – you say, in your shift

You bring Akito out of his classroom. You bring him to a corner where nobody can see you.

"What's that for?" – Akito looks at you with a confused face.

"I just wanted to be with you..." – You wrap your arms around Akito.

"May I have a kiss?" – You ask.

"Tsk... as you wish" – Akito says, taking you by the waist and kissing you.

Even trying to pretend he didn't like that, he felt happy. Well, he's not a fan of classes, right? Skipping class with his S/O is one of the best things he could ever think.

Toya Aoyagi

とうやああ~

▪︎ He's the chillest of the bunch

▪︎ Literally >no worries<, you don't even have to look at him because you KNOW he won't do anything wrong

▪︎ He might get some bullies because of the way he is, so you should be attentive to that

▪︎ Literally always saying "Hiiiii!!~~👋" when he sees you in the hallway

▪︎ He's proud to say his s/o is the hall monitor.

▪︎ He already talked to An (as she's your hall colleague) to see if you like something or check your preferences (so cute)

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

"Oh! Y/N! Hiii!" Toya says waving at you, coming near you

"Hey, Toya, what's up? Something wrong?" You say getting close to Toya as well

"I just wanted to see you. Today my class ends earlier, so I thought of waiting for you to finish your shift and we can go have lunch together, what do you think?" Toya asks with a small, yet sweet and genuine smile

"Sure! But it will take a while..." You scratch your head and look with a sweet smile at Toya

"Alright, I can wait for you anyway. I'll be waiting for you in the library. Now, let me leave you do your work... see ya, hun." Toya kisses your cheek, hugs you, and leaves, going to the library.

Always respecting you and your time as a hall monitor. What a sweet and attentive boyfriend, isn't he?

Tsukasa Tenma

おれのすた~☆

▪︎ Um I mean.

▪︎ You really scold him and Rui VERY frequently.

▪︎ Differently from Akito and Toya, he's REALLY a troublemaker

▪︎ You scold him almost every day /hj

▪︎ You have to tell him to lower his voice cuz

▪︎ HE'S. ALWAYS. SCREAMING.

▪︎ "Shhh... there are people having class, you know Tsu!?" You tell him.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

You're normally having your shift, walking through the hallway and monitoring it. Until...

You hear a notorious voice. Screaming. Accompanied of loud steps.

– "Y/N, HELP ME, HELP ME, AAAAAAAAAAAA" Tsukasa screams, running away from Rui with one of his very "peaceful" creations.

– "You two, stop!" You say firmly, making them both stop. You scold them to the coordination to receive a little punishment.

– "Hey... i thought you loved me!" Tsukasa says with a dramatic tone, putting a hand on his forehead dramatically

– "Of course I love you... I just have to make things right, ok? I have to take care of stuff here" You say gently, patting Tsukasa's head and giving him a forehead kiss

Well, even though he's a troublemaker, you still love him. You both go home after school and stay the entire day together, cuddling and laughing.

Rui Kamishiro

るい~

▪︎ Well um

▪︎ If you read Tsukasa's one you can already predict

▪︎ The worst troublemaker of the bunch.

▪︎ FUCKING EXPLODES THE SCHOOL EVERY DAY /hj

▪︎ You have to spend most of your time scolding him

▪︎ He always looks at you with his bold smile and when you see it.... you already know.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

– BOOM! You hear a noise coming from the hallway, making you run towards the noise

Well, you already know what to expect.

You go where the noise came from, and you put a hand on your waist.

– "I know you want my attention, but you really need to do those things? Please just do not put the school on fire." You say, almost like a mom/dad scolding their child.

You send him to the coordination and he looks at you with a... disappointed face.

– "I thought I'd receive a kiss at least!" Rui says

– "I will not encourage a menace!" You say jokingly, laughing slightly

– "Well... i guess I'll have to do it myself." He interrupts you, putting a hand on your chin and kissing your lips

Well... you scold him all the time, but will it work one day? Probably not. Will he stop? No. Will you ignore him? No. So, this cycle will repeat itself again, and again, and again... still, you love him, and out of school, you support his menace acts! You're happy to see the effort he does to make people smile.

A/N: I RLLY HOPE U LIKE IT! Toya × Reader "#" is really dead so let's pump it up right!? WE NEED MORE FICS FFS WRITERS I NEED MORE TOYAYAYAYAY

[zomboivex]

Small morning ramble about Rui.

These are all basically opinions so feel free to disagree but tbh I don’t really wanna hear it

This dude is never breaking his curse.

Nothing in the game hints to that even being an option for him. He, himself, doesn’t really talk about breaking his curse. He seems to have accepted that this will always be his life (and if my thoughts are correct, boy will it be a long life).

The reason Rui is such a fascinating character to me is because he’s coping with the fact that he will always be this way. He’s always going to have this curse and he’s trying to accept and live with that.

In the recent chapter where we actually see his curse go into effect - his reaction isn’t like Lyca’s (who was devastated at the seemingly betrayal of acceptance) but he was very much defeated and numb. He’s seen this reaction before. He’s been treated as a monster before. He wasn’t shocked by the reaction he got for draining a life. He was numb to it. He stood there, seemingly unable to let go as he was called a monster.

But see what I love about Rui is that

He has so carefully crafted himself to be reliable to others. Listening? No problem, he’ll let you talk about all your problems and don’t worry for one second about any of his (serious) issues. Of course, he’ll complain about his captain or Moby. But- that’s normal stuff to complain about. He tries soooo hard to make himself seem like a normal guy by flirting, joking, complaining about normal things. Then he listens to others, will do endless tasks (like gardening, cleaning up the house, running a bar, trying to run a bed and breakfast type situation, taking care of the duties Ed doesn’t or straight up refuses to do), and generally he keeps his own emotions locked deep down.

Hell his fucking stigma is a benefit to others! Even if ‘temporary’. He can still take away your pain and exhaustion??? That’s- pretty fucking helpful. And it sums him up so well as a character.

He does everything for the comfort of others. Even if temporary. Because he knows anything he does will immediately be disregarded the moment someone sees his curse in action.

Despite this, Rui pretends to always be cheerful and positive. Even if deep down he’s hurting so bad. And there’s nothing anyone can really do about it. He wears the mask of someone who’s cheerful and reliable and steady. Because what else is he supposed to do in his situation?

God I seriously love him so much as a character. I’d write a more cohesive thing for him but I want a few more Rui crumbs before I fully commit to writing a character study on this tragic fuck.

Tbh I wish I still had access to my old tumblr but I forgot the email and password I used to set it up lol so I can’t pull my character study of Narancia from over there onto here but shhhh

Anyways!!!

I struggle with writing Rui as intimate with others not on account of his curse (because there are no-touch ways around that and I wish more people would focus on that aspect ahem me- I’m more people ) but because this guy would never allow himself the chance to be intimate with others on account for what he is. It’s not from fear of touching them (though that poses a problem for fucking sure) but because he doesn’t feel he deserves this.

Okay I’m gonna stop rambling because I have so much to say but also I’m feeling very unwell today LMFAO

[somniumfaults]

"do you think we'll be together in every lifetime?"

ngl... i kinda made myself sad writing this one DDFHSKDJLKFGL... this was inspired by some chats I had w my guildies so shoutout to them for giving me fuel to break their hearts to <3 also a fill for @mastering-procrastinating's request ^^

listening to Toxy while posting this and ironically enough, I think the lyrics are kind of fitting LOL

to clarify if it doesn't become clear, this fic plays into the theory that haku's ability is time-travel-related! I definitely encourage reading that post bc its interesting and will give some perspective, but it's not necessary! :D also inspired by this and this tweets

pairing: haku kusanagi x reader

rating: G

prompt: “do you think we’ll be together in every lifetime?”

tags: established relationship, angst, time loop theory

Previous // part 3 of the “in every lifetime” series! // Next

“Do you think we’ll be together in every life?”

It’s only hours of practiced nonchalance that keeps him from coughing as he drinks his tea. As it is, the tightening of his fingers around the cup is enough of a slip in his control. He carefully measures each emotion he allows himself to give for others to see, and yet somehow, against all of his experience and expectations, you always manage to catch him off guard.

A part of him finds it beautiful. After all this time, he knows that you will always be just as charming as when he first met you. A breath of fresh air in the monotony of his days, making sure he’s never as bored as he could be. On the other hand, this is the one part of you he can never predict as well as he wishes he could. You make his life eternally difficult without even trying, hardly lifting a finger to break down his facades time and time again.

The worst part is that he knows you truly aren’t trying. To you, this is a simple question with an equally straightforward answer. A romantic indulgence at most. You don’t mean to send his mind scrambling for answers. You aren’t carefully dissecting him for his responses, knowingly carving away until you can cut into the part of his heart that you know will hurt the most. To you, this is love.

The worst part is that to you, this is love.

If it wasn’t love, it wouldn’t hurt. If it wasn’t love, he wouldn’t even be standing here. If it wasn’t love, the touch of your hand in his wouldn't justify everything he’s done up until now and then some as worth it. He wouldn’t feel like crying at such an innocuous question, wouldn’t clench his jaw and plaster on an easy smile with an indulgent head tilt to sweeten the deal. The princess that rolls off his tongue wouldn’t feel like a match lit in his mouth.

“Where’s this coming from, princess?”

(When you raise your brow at his response, he wonders how long it takes for the lies he lives to become truths. When will it finally become enough?)

You shrug. “Rui and I were talking about it earlier. With how things are looking for me nowadays… I thought it would be a nice thought, y’know? To be soulmates. We wouldn’t have to worry about sad goodbyes or anything.”

You don’t know what he’ll do for you. You’ll never know. You can never know. You can’t know.

He hums. 

“That would be nice,” he muses with a soft smile on his face, and it’s a relief when your expression of budding suspicion falls in the face of love. No matter how many lies he may tell, his love for you will never be one of them. The rest are nothing you need to further stress yourself over, no matter how difficult it gets to predict your doubts. “Knowing the trouble you attract, I’m sure our next meeting will be just as interesting as this one was.”

You bristle lightheartedly at the teasing, and he can’t help but let out a real, genuine laugh at it. The brightness of the smile he gets in return makes it worth it.

This is what it’s all for. Everything for this.

One day neither of you will have to worry about soulmates, lifetimes, or goodbyes. He won’t have to lie to you as easily as he breathes, and this burden will no longer be his to carry. But until that day comes, he can take solace in the sound of your laughter and the knowledge that with each failure, your peace comes in a next life of love.

This time, he won’t fail.

[janahanooo]

Christmas time with the TWST boys cus it's december and I can't wait.

Riddle: Trey, Cater... report.

Trey: *sigh* "Operation get Yuu to join us on christmas" is going well. Ace and Deuce has been spending time with them and have talked about christmas around them multiple times. I think a few more days and they will joins us.

Cater: As for the decoration, you don't have to worry! Cay-cay got everything undercontrol! I got the boys to bring a huge tree and the fireplace is also finely decarated!

Riddle: good, good to hear. Soon, Yuu will see that Heartsablye's christmas is the best out of all the dorms.

Ruggie: C'mon Leona! Give more thoughts into it! You're rich! Your holidays must have been extravagant!

Leona: yeah I rather not remember those times. Look, I really don't care about this whole thing. Do what you want.

Jack: uh.. dormlead?

Leona: what?

Jack: The whole heartsabllye dorm os bragging that Yuu will join them for this years christmas...

Leona:

Leona: Ruggie, i hive you as much money you need to make this years christmas as extra as you want. I need to make a phone call...

Ruggie: hehe! Who you calling?

Leona: *smirk* a certain pipsquick

Azul: this months profits are high as expected. How I love holiday season *chuckle*

Jade: fufu~ I can imagine how happy you will be once you hear this wonderfull news.

Floyd: yeah! Azul, shrimpy will be celebrating this years holiday with one of the dorms! Ne ne, can we invite them?

Azul: oh? How nice...

Azul:

Azul: Jade, Floyd. Make sure its our dorm.

Jade & Floyd: On it boss/aye aye boss!

Kalim: Come on Jamil! It's christmas!

Jamil: yeah... more work for me. How exciting.

Kalim: don't be like that, I promised I will help you with the feast this year!

Jamil: I rather not have you in the kitchen. You might poison your own food...

Kalim: *sad puppy noises* aw..

Scarabia student A: Dormlead! Do you plan on inviting Yuu? I heard that they have no place to celebrate it and that they will join one of the dorms!

Kalim: OOOH! Did you hear that Jamil?! Jamil? Huh, he was here a minute ago...

Jamil: *in the kitchen* Alright everyone! We have to make the best feast that has ever happened in twisted wonderland!

Vil: Epel. Your posture.

Epel: ughhhh, my back hurts.... can we stop now?

Vil: no, everything has to be perfect. Do you want the prefect to join us? Then work hard for it. Rook.

Rook: Oui, rui de poison?

Vil: did you gathered the information I asked?

Rook: but of course. The heart duo is as of right now working on persuing Yuu to join them. The savannaclaw dorm is prepairng their own weapon. The leech twins are lurking around them, always ready to snatch them. Kalim is prepairing the biggest feast in history. The ingendhyde dorm is quiet as always, but they do plan to invite them. As for the diasomnia dorm... I'm sorry I couldn't gather information there.

Vil: hmm, this is enough. *turns back to epel and the others*

Vil: alright, from the beggining. 1, 2, and

The choir: *singing christmas specials*

Idia: okay, I sended the invitation. Not that I believe they would come here...

Ortho: come on brother! Believe in yourself a little!

Idia: Ortho... every other dorm has something special, I can confidently say that we have nothing worth seeing. And also, I'm just happy that they send us a christmas card.

Ortho: *sigh* as you wish brother. But I will still personaly invite them here. It's worth a shot you know?

Malleus: absolutely not. I won't have you poison the child of man.

Lilia: poison? I would never! I just cooked a special dish of mine! How could you say that! I thought you liked my cooking!

Silver: father... please, leave the kitchen before Malleus burns it down. *stands between them*

Sebek: *runs in* WAKA-SAMA! The human! T-they have decided!

The others: !!!

Malleus: hurry and tell me, which dorm did they choose?

Yuu: A- ACHOO! *sniff* ugh... I better not get sick now.

Grim: yeah you better not! Because then what am I suppose to do with these morons in our dorm?!

Yuu: I really don't understand why was everyone so sad when I said that I invited everyone to our dorm to celebrate together.... do you know?

Grim: no? How would I know???

[seventeenlovesthree]

What it means to be "chosen" - burden, fate, acceptance

This is not going to be a full analysis on the whereabouts of why and how "The Chosen One" trope is being executed in the Digimon Adventure series, because frankly... The lines have pretty much been blurred throughout the different iterations. Even the question of why some children in particular were chosen has been answered differently depending on which source material and which person you'll ask - and thus, there are different interpretations out there. Whether it's because of their potential (in regards to certain attributes, the subject of friendship or in general) shall not be discussed in full, but let's say... The very first Chosen Ones were chosen out of necessity, even if chance may have been involved.

If you ask me personally, the main premise one can and should take away from all of it actually boils down to a cheesy quote from the dub version of the first Pokémon movie: "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant; it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are."

Replace "birth" and "life" with "Chosen Child status" and it fits again - regardless of what characters you apply it to. The only difference here is - that they may not refer to it as a "gift". Because this is something they all handle differently, depending on what version you look at, once more. So I wanted to make a little, very inoffical ranking on how the status is being perceived by all of them. Keep in mind that, by the end of 02, you could say that ALL of them have accepted it as a part of their lives, some more willingly than others, but the general tone is the same:

"Being chosen is nothing special and yet we all understand that there is a necessity, that we have a duty to fulfill."

After characters like Sora or Yamato had already questioned being chosen in Adventure, Ken was the first character that challenged the idea of it being a "burden created by chance".

"It could have been anyone but me, so why was I chosen, why did I have to suffer and get punished?"

This theme is being explored in similar yet different ways through the protagonists of the later movies - Meiko (and Maki), Menoa and Rui all represent tragic figures in a somewhat twisted "game of chance", used by higher forces. We know that the number of Chosen Children doubled each year - whether due to Homeostasis meddling mingled with Rui's wish shall not be subject of this post, but overall, we can say: They all received the "gift" of partnerships. However, neither of them were meant to last, due to different circumstances. Which includes Ken as well - because once corrupted or unable to fulfill a certain "duty" any longer, all these partnerships were (sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently) ripped apart.

Long story short, for the sake of the following ranking, I will include Tri onwards for completion sake - however, it's just a temporary state, because "Adventure Beyond" may fix some of these views.

Rejects it as a burden (temporarily): Sora

This one is, sadly, quite self-explanatory due to the current state of Sora being "out of the loop". She had been among those who initially (Adventure) fell into despair due to the burden of having to save the world - and while she temporarily accepted it (02), it all played into her trauma of not knowing who she was and how to define herself outside of "labels that were externally assigned to her". So yes, despite her clearly loving her partner... We shall wait and see how she will deal with this in the future.

Ambilvalent, had to get through several stages of contemplation, but overall knows it's part of who they are (still ongoing): Yamato & Taichi, Miyako & Iori

These two "groups" are here for different reasons. The entirety of the Adventure-verse spends a lot of time telling us how torn Taichi and Yamato are basically all the time - they're more than willing to save the world whenever it's required, but struggle with the "Chosen Child identity" and what it means for them as "normal people". Because as strongest fighters, they know they shoulder a lot of responsibility, for themselves, their friends and families, but also for the worlds out there. Fighting yet causing sacrifices when they themselves still have to deal with heavy childhood trauma not only causes them to clash, but also to (subconsciously) reject their duties, hence causing their partnerships to (temporarily) vanish. Which is very similar to the tragic figures talked above - which is also why they all suffer from depression, fear of abandonment and identity crises. They're perfectly aware of the duty and see it as a necessity they HAVE TOO choose for themselves in order to succeed. But the latter is a lesson they had to learn the hard way first - while also remembering how important their partners (and this kind of life) really are to them, because it's literally all there inside themselves. They just have to discover it again.

Miyako and Iori are a bit harder to decipher - they used to struggle strongly with the idea of having to make sacrifices due to their Chosen Child status and I would argue that this is still something that, if they think about it for too long, keeps them up at night. But I would still put them on the outer part of this scale - for the simple fact that they were able to integrate their partnerships into their daily lives. There may absolutely be times when they see it as a chore and annoying - but begrudgingly accept it due to the bond they share with their partners and friends.

Accepts it after coming to terms with it, transforms it positively: Hikari & Takeru, Jyou, Mimi & Ken

The viewer doesn't spend as much time with these two when it comes to how they define themselves. Hikari and Takeru, similarly to their brothers, can be assumed to be aware of their special status among the group. They're the enabling angels - and know that's why they could never quit. On the other hand, despite suffering from childhood and family-related trauma that causes them to fear darkness and separation, they seem to learn not to see it as a "burden" in itself. Unlike their siblings, they have an easier time integrating their partners into their daily lives - maybe because they hadn't been separated for as long, maybe it's because they perceive it differently due to their ages and being surrounded by people who also make it look easy. They are aware of the responsibility - and despite their strong opinions on injustice, they're still able to see the gift in it all.

Jyou, Mimi and Ken are purposefully separated from everyone, due to the fact that they were all at a point in their lives at least ONCE where they were about to quit it all for good - but eventually learned that it was something about themselves they couldn't change. Something they had to live with, if they wanted or not, even if they were ALL heavily affected by watching beloved people/mons die. Mimi loathed the idea of fighting and causing unnecessary death, Jyou repeatedly asked himself why he couldn't just live a normal life aside from outside expectations - but unlike Sora or Taichi, they actively embraced the idea that there were things only they were capable of that nobody else could. This seems to be in contrast to the idea that "being chosen is nothing special" - but these two were capable of making it work in a more casual, less spectacular way and, just like the likes of Miyako, Iori, Takeru and Hikari, were able to keep their partners as active parts of their private and/or career lives all around.

And so was Ken! Ken's journey is that of repentance, wanting to make up for what he did in the past, even if it meant sacrificing himself for that. He could easily have collapsed under that burden - if he hadn't had the right people to surround himself with, showing him that he was valuable despite his wrongdoings. And it feels like - Ken learned that lesson so thoroughly that, even though one can be sure that he still suffers from nightmares as an adult, he's also capable of helping others (just like Rui) to understand that message.

These three chose to embrace it eventually, even if there were temporary doubts.

Embraces it as part of their lives without question: Daisuke & Koushirou

I'm not saying that Daisuke WASN'T having temporary doubts of whether or not he was worthy enough to carry a digivice or even the goggles at first - but he also turned out to be the one who just "winged it" all eventually, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. For him, having a partner, being chosen, meant just that - it didn't make him any more or less special than any other person on the planet with aspirations, goals or all the various life paths. Sure, he may have been flabbergasted and in awe at first, but in the end, meeting V-mon was nothing more than getting another brother AND having the ability to be badass and doing the best he could while saving the world. Despite his mask of self-importance, who knows him also knows that he's down to earth like that and just accepts it all how it is as a side gig to getting his Ramen business going.

Koushirou may be a little bit less casual about it, but for him, being chosen isn't a burden or fate or any magically connected miracle - it is a part of his identity. Yes, he may have been just as irritated by File Island and being surrounded by weird monsters as everyone else was - but he was basically the first one who just questioned it all because he simply wanted to figure it out, NOT because it was a chore. Yes, he may look exasperated at times after having helped to support saving the world(s) countless times, but for him, that is his life. He has committed himself to researching the whereabouts of the Digital World, his tech company is primarily aimed at creating gadgets to support his friends and that serve the initial cause - and his partner is basically with him 24/7 anyway.

[stinkyturd]

Fever Dreams

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Subaru Kagami/Reader

Fandom: Tokyo Debunker

Notes: Hello, Hi, Welcome! This is my Subaru fic! As of this post, there are two more chapters up on Archive of Our Own and a fourth in the making! I will try to update often here if there are a lot of you that don't use Ao3! This fic starts out with you, the MC, having mysterious explicit dreams about Subaru, and avoiding him so he doesn't find out!

This was probably the fifth day in a row that you woke up in the middle of the night with a start. And you wish you could say it was from a horrific dream like being chased by a pack of aggressive anomalies, or even materializing into a room full of people in just your underwear.

No, this was much, much, worse.

Ever since you assisted Hotarubi as their inspector, you had become quite close with the house's captain. Initially, you had only spent so much time with Subaru Kagami because you were entrusted with the task of helping mentor Lyca, Subaru's good friend. The weekly check-ins regarding Lyca's progress turned into multi weekly meetups, rather than just text exchanges. Subaru began asking you to join him for lunch, help him with missions, or even study with him. You enjoyed the company, and even began initiating interactions, as well.

But here's where the problem comes in.

The dreams that were so explicit and intense that they tampered with your inner time clock, were in fact lewd and unholy perversions that involved you and none other than Hotarubi's captain, Subaru.

You felt like a total creep. Darkwick Academy's perfect, sweet, honorable third year was being psychologically violated by some outsider that would have no business being there if it weren't for a curse. You had seriously considered avoiding Subaru altogether because the past few days whenever you held eye contact with him for too long, vivid imagery from your dreamworld would resurface in the recesses of your mind. It was almost as if your brain was trying to torture you. You even came up with a half-baked theory that this could be the work of your curse, just to avoid taking responsibility.

Even now, you had accepted Subaru's invite to eat with him for lunch at this picnic bench in the school yard, but you can't look at him in the eye. Your barely touched curry bread that you purchased from Sho's food truck sits in front of you over a bed of napkins. Avoiding looking up, you find particular interest in the granules of breadcrumbs lining the outside of the pastry.

"Lyca sent me a message about picking up more shifts at Rui's bar. He seems to be settling in very well and even making friends, thanks to you. He talks about you all the time, too," Subaru says, as he opens up his Unagi Don that he also grabbed from Sho's food truck.

Idly, you pick up rogue breadcrumbs with your index finger and thumb and crumble them. "Oh, you don't say? I'm glad I was able to help him."

Subaru's eyes follow your movements. "What about you? It hasn't been too much trouble for you to guide him, has it?"

You can feel his eyes lingering on you longer than normal. It wouldn't be long before you'd have to explain yourself. "Oh no, not at all," You reply, pulling off a piece of the pastry before plopping it into your mouth. Your next words are stifled by a mouthful of food. "Lyca's the best, it's no trouble."

If Subaru showed any visible displeasure from your barbaric table manners, you wouldn't know, because you're suddenly looking around the courtyard at nothing in particular.

"(Y/N)... maybe it's just my imagination. Forgive me and correct me if I'm wrong," Subaru starts, cautiously.

You pick the bread up while turned away from him and cram it in your mouth, allowing him to fumble over his words instead of showing verbal interest.

"I just think that maybe... just maybe you've been avoiding me? Like in general, or particularly when it comes to looking at me?" Subaru suggests, his voice raising an octave towards the latter half of his sentence.

When you turn your head to him seconds later, you're suddenly wearing a pair of very densely colored, black sunglasses. Crumbs line the outside of your mouth as you chew vigorously-- less times than you should, before swallowing. "Avoiding you? Naaawh! What makes you say that?"

"Um... well, for starters can you even see through those glasses? They look like a prop."

You could see through them, but just barely. It is probably close to the equivalent of having fifteen percent window tint on a motor vehicle. So, you saw the murky outline of Subaru, but it's a perfect amount of visibility to where you wouldn't start to get that funny feeling in your gut.

"Yeah, I can see crystal clear."

Subaru tents his eyebrows and sighs. "Okay then. How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Mmm, three," You guess.

"...I'm not holding up any."

You lift your glasses up just barely from the bottom to confirm his claim, before dropping them again. "Oh, well I was just messing with you. I was going to say zero! Good one, right? Ha, ha..."

"Did I do something to upset you?" Subaru asks, his voice woefully pitiful.

You wave your hands wildly in the air, emitting an awkward laugh. "No, no! Not at all, I just really have been not doing well with the sun lately. My family has that thing that runs in the family. Whatchyamacallit-- catracks...!"

Subaru stares at you dubiously. "I think you mean cataracts."

"Oh, yup! That's the one," You stand up abruptly in an attempt to escape but end up slamming your knee on the edge of the table. "FUCK...!" You hunch over and cradle your knee in your hand, your sunglasses toppling onto the table in the process.

"(Y/N)...!" Subaru quickly moves over to your side. "Are you alright?"

Mindlessly, you glance up and meet his gaze. The stunningly cute captain is mere inches from your face, his shallow breath tickling your nose. You don't even feel the knee pain anymore, only the heat rising up your neck at the proximity.

Without thinking, you find yourself throwing your palms forward, effectively pushing Subaru away. It wasnt hard enough to knock him on his feet or anything, but the message was clear.

It's too late to take it back. You feel a pang of remorse when you notice the hurt expression on his face. "Sorry, I didn't mean to do that," You say, fumbling for words.

Subaru folds an arm over his chest in a self-soothing manner, as he looks towards the ground. "No, I shouldn't have gotten so close to you like that. Sorry, that was probably creepy."

Creepy? If he thought that was creepy good thing he hasn't used his stigma and incidentally seen picturesque imagery of himself writhing underneath you, butt naked.

"No, it wasn't creepy. If anything, I'm the total weirdo here, for real!" You counter.

Subaru shakes his head. "Impossible, you're not any sort of weirdo."

You let out a nervous laugh. "I think you would change your mind if you could see the kind of crap I've been thinking on the last few days. I can't elaborate, but..." Clapping your hands together, you bow a bit. "I'm sorry, Subaru. I think we should hang out less. It's not you it's me, believe me."

Subaru stares at you, crestfallen. "What...?"

Finally, you meet his gaze, fighting back your rampant imagination. "I really love hanging out with you. In fact, you have to be my favorite Ghoul resident, and that's exactly why we have to separate for at least a little bit." Until you got your hormones under control, anyways. You didn't want to put these feelings on Subaru, nor did you have time for them. You had a curse to break, after all.

Subaru's lips press into a thin line, and he almost looks-- frustrated? "Sorry, but can you give me a better reason than that? Otherwise, I will have no choice but to think it's my fault, regardless of what you say."

You rehearsed this conversation in your head before, but you hadn't planned on him being this assertive. So, you made up some bullshit on the spot.

"Study. I need to study for the quarterly exams next week! We have been hanging out so much, I'm always tempted to call you over to waste time instead of preparing for the exams. That's all!"

Subaru's expression doesn't get any brighter at the revelation. In fact, you doubt he buys it. "Okay. So, studying together is off the table?"

"Well, yes! Because I'm terrible at multitasking. I'll be too distracted, I usually study alone," You explain clumsily. "We can hang out after exams though, I promise."

"Yes, we should." Subaru smiles, but you can tell its forced by his eyes. "Should I avoid texting you too, then?"

"No, texting is fine! Anyways, I'll see you later, okay?" You pick up your glasses and make your way back to the building for your next class. Pivoting slightly, you wave back at him. "See you!"

Subaru returns the gesture half-heartedly. "Yes, until next time."

Some days pass and much to your dismay, you were still having the obscene dreams. Out of some sort of guilty conscious, you would always wake up prematurely whenever you would realize the dream wasn't actually real. And then you would have trouble falling back asleep.

You sat at a table in Darkwick's library with a thick textbook opened in front of you. You really did need to study for next week's exams, but you could barely keep your eyes open. Not only that, but you were also having to read over the same paragraph way too many times in order to finally comprehend it when you did have your eyes fully open. This endeavor was looking to be more and more fruitless by the minute. Maybe the only cure for your exhaustion was tall cup of plain brewed blonde roast coffee.

As if your mind was read, a disposable coffee cup is placed in front of you. Your eyes dart upwards to meet your savior.

"You look like you're barely staying awake. I came by earlier to say hi, but you were sleeping on your textbook," Lucas says, shooting you a sympathetic look.

"For me...?" You ask, staring up at the sun-kissed student as if he were the reincarnation of Jesus himself.

Lucas Iaughs airily. "Yes, it's all yours. May I sit?"

You nod, grabbing the cup and taking a tentative sip of the piping hot beverage. It was strong and deliciously bitter, just what you needed. "You're seriously a life saver, Lucas."

The Frostheim student pulls out a chair next to you and settles himself in. "It was no problem. I had planned on getting pastries from the coffee stand, anyways. What are you studying?"

"Ecoregion Field Study," You bite out, miserably.

Lucas winces at that. "Ah, seems boring."

"It is," You agree. "Are you studying for exams, too?"

Lucas nods and unzips his messenger bag. He pulls out a folder, a pen, and a textbook titled 'Anomaly Cell Biology'.

"Hey! You're with (Y/N) and you didn't invite me?!" A whiney familiar voice practically screeches from behind Lucas. A blonde mop of hair comes into view as the source of the ruckus barrels towards the both of you.

"Kaito, keep it down...!" Lucas scolds in a hushed whisper. "We are in a library."

Kaito plants his own messenger bag firmly on the table and sits across from you. The blonde young man glares daggers at his housemate but obeys his request. "Well, I wouldn't be so loud, if I had been given a little heads up. You're just hogging this cutie to yourself!" Kaito turns to look at you with a wide grin, but his face immediately falters. "Woah, you look uh... tired."

"Oh? What gave that away?" You ask, sarcastically.

"Those wicked dark circles and messy hair. If I didn't know better, I'd have thought those were a black eyes," Kaito replies, a bit too honestly, in your opinion.

Lucas shoots Kaito a glare and not so subtly kicks him from underneath the table.

"YEOWCH...!" Despite being the least street-smart student in Darkwick, the blonde could take hints. "Uh, what I meant to say is wow you look super hot, (Y/N)! Like a million bucks! Plus, there's plenty of baddies with dark circles. You ever read that manga 'Death Note'?"

You let out an exasperated sigh. "Yes, I have, and you don't have to apologize. I know I look beat. I haven't been able to sleep well for a while."

Kaito rests his chin on the top of his bag and eyes you, curiously. "How come? Too many missions?"

You shake your head. "No, the missions aren't the issue."

"No one has been giving you trouble, have they?" Lucas asks, his gaze hardening.

"They better not, we will send Jin after 'em," Kaito adds.

"Nope, nope, nothing like that either. I've brought this on myself," You say twirling your coffee cup in place with your fingertips.

"The suspense is killing me, spill!" Kaito demands.

You debate if you should tell them. After all, they were your first friends at Darkwick and they probably know the most about you out of all of the students, besides Subaru. The Frostheim house in general held a special place in your heart and even their icy captain had become fond of you. Plus, if anyone could empathize on this topic, it was probably Kaito.

You take a deep breath, steadying yourself. "Okay, completely hypothetical question. If someone was having pervy dreams about a close friend that is probably-- definitely not into them like that, should it effect the friendship?"

Kaito's eyes widen. It's obvious the topic threw him through a loop. "Uhhh, depends. Does the other person know it's happening?"

"In this hypothetical, no," You reply.

Kaito shrugs. "Oh, then who cares? What they don't know won't hurt em!"

Lucas tosses Kaito a dubious look. "Well... maybe. But it seems kind of unfair to harbor those kinds of feelings for someone when it's not mutual. If even when you sleep you think romantically about them, then won't that eventually reflect in your interactions later on?"

Kaito scoffs. "Who says its romantic, maybe they're just super cute? I have had loads of dreams about people I knew, but I didn't creep on em after! Besides, you can't control dreams."

Lucas rolls his eyes. "Yeah, but I assume we are imagining a scenario with someone, unlike you, that is interested in one person exclusively. Right, (Y/N)?" The brown-haired man turns to look at you for confirmation.

You nod pensively as you consider their input. "Yeah, just one person."

Lucas eyes you warily. "Some guy friend isn't perving on you, is he? And it's not Kaito?"

"WHAT? How could it be me? I never admitted to any such dreams!" Kaito squawks indignantly.

"No," You groan, resting your cheek in the palm of your hand. "It's me. I'm the lecherous creep."

Kaito's mouth drops open, as far as it could possibly go. You can tell he tries to keep his next words as quiet as he possibly could, considering the librarian had been glaring at him from her desk since he sat down. "Who about? If it's me, the feelings mutual-- please be my girlfriend!"

Lucas looks at Kaito with an expression that could only be described as pained disappointment. "Dude..."

You shake your head, not bothered by the blonde man's predictable outburst. "No, it's not you, Kaito."

"You don't have to tell us if you don't feel comfortable," Lucas insists, considerate as ever.

"Speak for yourself! I have to know my rival, so I can learn all their weaknesses," Kaito counters. "Ahem... if you feel like revealing, that is."

"It's Subaru," You admit, readily.

Lucas blinks in surprise. "Hotarubi's Captain?"

Kaito looks a little lost, looking between the two of you. "Uh, he's the super polite guy that has the pretty face, right? Used to be an actor?"

You both nod.

"Oh, no wonder you like him," Kaito pouts, bitterly. "I can try to make myself look cute like that, if that's what you like."

Like him?

You hadn't thought about it plainly like that, but you never really had dreams of that nature before. Nor had you really liked many people throughout your lifetime. It would be fair to say you had a crush on Subaru. You'd get butterflies when he gave his most genuine smiles, and you thought about him all the time. His pretty face was so ingrained in your mind you could probably paint it without a reference. And you really admired how positive he could be, and the way he saw the best in everyone. You also loved how he responded so descriptively in text and made sure to acknowledge every little thing you'd send.

"He's a very gentle person," You say, offering some insight. "He is very cute, but I think why I may be feeling this way is a conglomeration of things. There's no point in thinking too much of it. I plan on avoiding him until this feeling passes."

"Aren't you sort of close to him?" Lucas asks, worriedly. "In that case, is that really the best way to go about it?"

"Well, there's no way he thinks the same way about me. I already hear from Taiga and Edward about how plain I am, I'm sure he thinks the same. If it's probably not mutual I may as well avoid it," You state matter-of-factly.

"That's a more pacifist attitude than I would have expected from you," Lucas remarks. "But if you really think it's fine..."

"Do you need a hug?" Kaito asks, giving you a sympathetic look.

"I wouldn't hate that," You say.

Kaito stands up and leans over the table wrapping his arms around your head in an awkward embrace. You felt some level of oxytocin production from the interaction, despite your head being craned in an unnatural direction. No one had attempted to hug you since you ended up at Darkwick, so this small amount of platonic contact was actually comforting.

You relax and exhale tiredly. "Thanks, Kaito."

"My pleasure--" Kaito starts, but abruptly cuts himself off. You feel his form separate from you.

Looking up, you see Subaru gripping the collar of Kaito's uniform. This was probably the first time that you've ever seen the gentle captain outright scowling. Haku stood behind him, his expression as surprised as yours probably was.

"H-Hey...!" Kaito protests, pulling himself away from Subaru's grip. "It was consensual, I swear!"

The Hotarubi Captain glowered menacingly at the blonde, not saying a word. Kaito held his ground for a few seconds, until his face faltered into a panicked expression.

"EEEEEEE...! I'M SORRY, DON'T HURT MEEE!!!" Kaito spins on his heel and runs for the exit.

"...We are definitely getting kicked out," Lucas remarks with a groan.

"That's the maddest I've ever seen you, Soobie. What gives?" Haku asks, his playful tone contradicting the perturbed look on his face.

Subaru doesn't acknowledge his question, instead turning his full attention to you. "I thought you said you had planned on studying for the exams without distraction."

You gawk at him, at a loss for words. This was the first time you ever saw Subaru so angry, not to mention forward. "Y-Yeah, I did! Honest."

Subaru's eyes are practically glaring at you. It's evident that he doesn't believe you right now. "Yet here you are with Frostheim."

"It's not what it looks li--"

"I'm sorry. Kaito and I kind of barged ourselves in on her study session. I didn't realize she didn't want company." Lucas pulls through with a save.

Haku throws an arm over Subaru's shoulders. "Relax. She looks exhausted, you think she was having a shin dig? What's the big deal anyways?"

Subaru begins to appear conflicted, then relaxes into a contrite expression. "I'm... sorry. I don't know what came over me. Excuse me," He bows politely, and turns to leave himself.

"H-Hey, wait...!" You call out, but he only begins walking more briskly, until he's out the door.

Haku folds his arms over his chest. "Well... that was something."

"Looks like your plan wasn't a good one, after all," Lucas remarks to you, rubbing salt in the wound.

Planting your face on your book, you groan audibly. "That was so stupid, stupid, stupid."

"Mind filling me in? I'm going to need some context if I'm going to calm him down," Haku says gently.

"Lucas, please." Your vague request comes out muffled, but still discernible.

Lucas clears his throat, picking up on what you're throwing down. "Uh, she's been having dirty dreams about your captain, so she's ignoring him, because she feels guilty...? Is that right?"

You nod as much as possible from your stiff position. "...To put it simply."

"Oh..." Haku manages, rubbing his neck awkwardly. "Is it bad enough that you can't talk to him?"

You lift your face just barely meeting Haku's gaze. "I see images of it all the time, and the dreams come every night. I think I've got a double curse. I can't even look at him without being reminded of it. I'm a filthy, filthy pervert. Seriously, put me out of my misery. Subaru is too pure to be tainted by my vile presence."

Haku snickers. "Don't you think you're being a little too hard on yourself? And to be honest, it's not really that farfetched to blame an anomaly. There are some that tamper with emotions, you know. I get being embarrassed about dirty dreams, but if they're as frequent and vivid as you say it's possible it's supernatural."

Your voice lightens at that. "F-For real? Are you sure?"

Haku nods. "Yes, in fact I'm concerned. You stay alone in that cathedral, don't you?"

"I do."

"Do you ever feel like there's another presence around? And when did these dreams start?" Haku asks.

You tent your eyebrows. "Um... I'm not sure if there's another presence around. The dreams usually end up waking me very quickly because I feel guilty. It started a week ago."

"When you're about to wake up, do you feel anything else before you're about to regain consciousness? Like something that is restrictive?"

You blink, sitting fully upright. "Hey, now that you mention it, I'm pretty sure I felt a weight on my chest. Then I forced myself up and opened my eyes. I never see anything in the room with me, obviously."

Haku furrows his eyebrows with a look of concern. "(Y/N), I'm eighty-five percent sure an anomaly is messing with you. And if it's the one I'm thinking of, it would explain a lot. You're cursed with something quite serious, so you may attract petty creatures like this because of the negative energy that comes with being marked."

Despite the seriousness of the situation, you find yourself grinning from ear to ear. "Wow, so I'm not a complete lecherous pervert."

Lucas shoots you a tired look. "You'd rather be trailed by an anomaly, than feel like a pervert? You're seriously something else."

Haku shakes his head. "I wouldn't be celebrating just yet. The anomaly I'm thinking of takes on the form of someone you harbor feelings for in your dreams, it's not just random."

Your giddy expression falls as quickly as it came. "Damn it, seriously?"

"You both are my friends, so I'm looking out for your best interest. If you don't want Subaru to become an emotional inconsolable wreck, you should just be honest with him. I've never seen him act like that before." Haku glances wistfully in the direction his captain left, before shifting his gaze back to you. "I know it's easier said than done, but running away is not the solution here."

As much as you want to object, you know he's right. Initially, when you decided to ignore him, you didn't think he would care as much as he did. "Yeah, I get it. I don't want him to resent me either." Letting out an exasperated sigh, you close your book and lean down to stuff it in your bag that's on the floor. "There's no way I can concentrate on studying right now, I'm going home."

Haku waves his hands in protest. "Wait, I don't think you should do that. At least, don't sleep there. We need to figure out what's going on. If you're alone so far away, you'll be in danger."

You zip up your bag and toss him a puzzled look. "Well, what do you suggest I do?"

"There are probably extra rooms at the Hotarubi house. You should stay until we get this sorted out," Haku insists, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

"Uh, you sure that's okay?" You ask, uncertainty laced in your voice.

Haku taps away at his phone's keyboard. "Yes, I will tell Subaru and he will understand."

"You should listen to him," Lucas adds, his expression serious. "This anomaly could be pretty dangerous."

Surrendering to the idea, you nod in agreement. "Fine, but I'm going to get some stuff from my place first."

"That's fine. I'll meet you there, okay?" Haku looks up from his screen with an encouraging smile.

"Hey, wait. You're not texting him the details of this anomaly, right?" You ask, in a panic.

Haku chuckles and shakes his head. "Don't worry, I'm being as vague as possible. I wouldn't do that. That's something you need to tell him yourself."

Exhaling in relief, you stand up with your bag. "Good. I'll get ready then I'll head to Hotarubi."

"See you later, (Y/N). Good luck with everything," Lucas says with a smile.

You wave him off, before heading for the door. "Thanks, you're the best!"

Later that evening, you find yourself wandering the halls of the Hotarubi's Shoin-zukuri* styled mansion. Haku hadn't specified exactly where he would be and you made the mistake of not texting him ahead of time, instead sending one message notifying your arrival just moments ago. The vice-captain wasn't one to be latched to his phone, so you decided to make a guess at his location. Your first arrival here, you met up with Haku, Zenji, and Subaru in the main dining hall. It had been a while since you had last been here, so you did your best to retrace your steps from that day. Just like you had remembered it was pouring rain, but thankfully you were shielded by a protruding roof.

Walking the narrow porch, you look into the garden, watching the droplets of rain fall past the beautiful purple wisteria growing along the building's surface. The scene was peaceful and serene, very fitting for the members of the Hotarubi House. Particularly Subaru, considering he used to be a Kabuki actor.

Once, you made it to the main dining area, you find the sliding door already peeled back.

"Oh my, an anomaly is following Miss (Y/N)...?!" Zenji's flamboyant voice yells. You easily spot him sitting on the floor at a tea table with Subaru and Haku across from him.

"It's just speculation, but I have good reason to believe that to be the case," Haku says.

Subaru looks down at his lap, worry etched on his delicate features. He's wearing his stylized purple and white kimono, with the right sleeve peeled off, revealing a teal undershirt. Subaru looks so pretty and poised in the getup it makes your heart skip a beat.

"Well then, it makes sense for her to stay here. She can stay in the room next to mine for the time being." As soon as the words come out of Subaru's mouth, his eyes flick to meet yours. He must have used his sixth sense to detect you ogling over him.

"(Y/N), you're here." Haku acknowledges your presence with a toothy grin.

"(Y/N)...!" Zenji shouts theatrically, dragging out the vowels in your name. "Oh, how I've missed you so!"

You smile at them and approach the table. "Hey, guys. Sorry if you were waiting awhile, Haku. I was gathering my things to last me the next few days."

"Not at all, you're just in time. Sit!"

Unwittingly, you opt to sit on the cushion closest to you, which happens to be on the end of the table right next to Subaru. His floral perfume fills your lungs the second your butt hits the seat. He must have gotten over the events from earlier, because he looks at you with painstakingly sweet expression. Heat trickles up your neck as your heart threatens to explode out of your chest.

"Would you like some warabi mochi?" Subaru picks up a piece from the plate in front of him, offering the jelly-like desert to you from his fingertips.

An intrusive thought comes to you to inhale that thing right off his fingers, but you think better of it. "S-Sure, ha ha..." Your hand is practically shaking as it reaches out for the mochi in his hand. Your fingertips connect for the briefest of seconds, but you manage to take it from him and toss it in your mouth.

"So, Haku tells me you've been tormented by repetitive dreams! You poor thing," Zenji coos, giving you a sympathetic look.

"Yeah, it's been interfering with my sleep," You say in between chews.

"No worries, we will get it sorted out. Exams are in a few days, too. I can try to talk to the Chancellor about getting you an extension, if you need it," Haku offers as he rests his cheek against his knuckles, focusing his attention on you.

You shake your head. "I'm prepared enough to get a decent grade. I usually try to get close to a perfect score, but if that doesn't happen, it's not the end of the world."

"If you insist." Haku takes a sip of a ceramic mug filled with what you assume is hot tea, before continuing. "I was thinking we could put a baby monitor in your room. It sounds silly, but that way we will know if something is going on in your sleep. I also prepared some Omamori* amulets and incense for your room, so tonight is peaceful. You look exhausted, so I figured we could try to bait this thing tomorrow."

"Do you think it will stop the dreams for tonight?" You ask eagerly, clenching your fists in your lap.

Haku nods. "In theory."

"What kind of dreams plague you? Perhaps I can regale you a tale to rid you of your fears!" Zenji offers, brimming with enthusiasm.

"Er... well, uh," You stutter out, not daring to look anywhere in Subaru's vicinity.

Haku quickly comes to your rescue, like the angel he is. "Hey, I'm pretty sure that kind of thing is bad luck, Zenji. If an anomaly is messing with her head, it's best not to stir up negative emotions."

"How ridiculous I am! You're absolutely correct. My apologies Miss (Y/N)!" Zenji bows his head in your direction, with his palms together.

You laugh a bit, waving your hands dismissively. "No worries, it's no big deal."

"And you probably overheard, but Subaru said you could take the room next to his. Isn't that right, Soobie?" Haku smiles in his captain's direction, but you watch his face transition into a look of concern. "You okay, buddy?"

Tentatively, you turn your head in Subaru's direction once more. The Hotarubi captain was stiff as a board, staring at his hands in a state of shock. If you weren't mistaken, his cheeks were flushed pink as well.

After a pregnant pause, Subaru slowly speaks. "Yes... I'm okay." He breaks out of his stupor and gives Haku a weak smile. "Sorry. Could you run that last thing you said by me again?"

Haku quirks a brow with a questioning look but continues anyways. "Oh, I was just telling (Y/N) about her staying in the room by yours."

"Right." Subaru turns to you, forcing a thin-lipped smile. "Yes, you will be staying by me. The room used to be for my study, but I separated it with a partition. In case the need ever arose for an extra room."

"Oh, thanks so much!" You say.

"No need to thank me. Your safety is first and foremost." Subaru suddenly gets to his feet. "In fact, if you'll excuse me, I'll go ahead and prepare it for you."

"Oh, sure..."

Haku glances at his plate of barely touched mochi. "You're not gonna finish that?"

"Oh, no that's alright, you two can split it. I'm afraid my eyes were bigger than my stomach." Subaru bows and exits the room.

Once his footsteps down the hall became imperceptible, Haku speaks up. "(Y/N)... did you touch him?"

The image of your hand making contact with his in the mochi exchange stirs in your memory. His stigma must have picked up and seen something in your memory it shouldn't have. Because of your current predicament, you expect the worse.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath. "Haku, all those talismans for my room? I don't need them. I decided, why wait for my curse? I can just let the anomaly take me out in my sleep."

Zenji places his hands on his face, his expression mortified. "Oh my! Dear (Y/N), it's far too soon to speak of death-- we are working on a cure!"

Haku clenches his teeth, his expression pained in your stead. "Well, this isn't the end of the world, but it's going to be awkward. And no, you need to keep those in your room."

You pinch the bridge of your nose, cringing inwardly. "If anything is world ending for me, it's gotta be this."

"I must be missing something," Zenji remarks, confusion etched on his pale features. "Care to elaborate on my behalf?"

Haku looks to you for approval, you just wave to signal the go ahead. The one person that wasn't supposed to find out already knows, who gives a shit at this point?

"So, the anomaly following (Y/N), I speculate to be a Lidéric*," Haku starts, eliciting a look of recognition on Zenji's face.

"Oh, yes! I know of those scheming creatures. They torment their victims with erotic dreams of a person that have affection for. They even suck blood while the victim slumbers, slowly draining the life out of them night by night!" Zenji explains.

"Right. Speaking of, have you seen any strange marks on your body, (Y/N)?"

"Actually... now that you mention it, I do remember seeing a weird bruise on my shoulder. I get bruises all the time, so I thought nothing of it." You reflect on when you noticed it a few days ago. It was in a weird spot, so if it looked like some sort of a bite mark, you wouldn't know.

Zenji scoots over to you. "May have a look?"

"Yeah, sure." Removing your jacket, you unbutton a few of the buttons on your blouse and peel the collar of your shirt back far enough for him to see it.

"That does appear to be a bite mark fitting of its nature," Zenji comments, his tone grim.

Of its nature? "What do you mean?"

"The creature appears as a very repulsive naked chicken with jagged teeth," The otherwordly student explains, returning to his seat. "They tend to prey on people closer to death, and with your curse you're an easy target."

You gulp, pulling your shirt back up. "...That sounds pretty gnarly."

"You will be okay," Haku promises with a gentle smile. "We won't let anything happen to you."

Zenji hums in agreement. "As you know, I don't sleep, so I will be on careful watch!"

Your heart swells at their willingness to help. Never would you have thought before Darkwick, people labeled as 'Ghouls' would be the most attentive and caring people to ever come in your life. When you were first cursed you didn't see it that way, but this all must be a blessing in disguise.

Soaking up the mushy feeling welling inside, you express gratitude. "I seriously love you guys."

"I love you too!" Zenji squeals, clearly giddy from the display of affection.

Haku grins, grabbing one of Subaru's abandoned mochis. "We've got your back," He reassures again, before plopping the chewy square in his mouth.

Suddenly, Zenji slaps a fist in the palm of his hand, as if he remembered something. "So your dreams, they're about..." Glancing over to the door Subaru exited from, he connects the dots. "Oh... that is quite the pickle."

"Tell me about it," You grumble, grabbing another mochi for yourself.

"Not to worry, I don't think Subaru minds as much as you think," Zenji insists.

"He is probably more embarrassed than anything," Haku agrees, washing down the mochi with another swig of tea. "His stigma is sore spot for him, so I bet you he feels guilty for having seen it in the first place."

"And I feel guilty to have embarrassed him. Now he's going to think I'm a dirty pervert," You counter.

Haku shakes his head. "No, he's pretty studious and perceptive. If he saw your dream he probably already has an idea of what's after you. That being said, the Lidéric doesn't use fantasies of just random people."

"...So he probably knows I have a crush on him."

Haku smiles sympathetically. "It's more likely than not."

You clench your teeth anxiously at the revelation. "Well, I guess that's better than being seen as a gross weirdo."

"Before you know it, it will all be back to normal. Anyways, I gotta get ready for bed. I can show you were the bathrooms are if you need to shower, too." Haku gets to his feet and takes the now empty plate from the table.

You nod. "Yeah, that'd be great, thanks."

"Good night, my dear! I'll be around if you need me," Zenji waves at you with his fingertips.

"Goodnight, Zenji."

Later that night, after you had showered and brushed your teeth, you made your way to Subaru's room. You had put on a pair of red, silk, button-up jammies and fuzzy socks. The traditional wooden floors were too cold to just to go barefoot. When you reach Subaru's door, you knock tentatively on it with your free hand that wasn't securing your bag.

A few moments later, the beige door slides open and you are greeted by Subaru's dazzling face. "Oh, (Y/N)! It's so good to see you. Come in."

Subaru steps aside, shutting the door after you. His room is pretty spacious. A massive white bed is centered in the middle of the room. It lays flat to the ground, supported by a thin wooden lining that matches the traditional aesthetic of the mansion. To the side of it there is a small black tea table with three white zaisu* style seats surrounding it. The back wall of the room is a large paper sliding door that likely leads out to the garden.

Subaru walks towards the right side of the room, where a sliding partition stood that was about a third of the walls size and opens it up. You approach, examining the quaint space. Inside is a comfy padded futon, a standing lamp, and a small dresser.

"Thanks so much, it's perfect," You say, your lips blooming into an appreciative smile. Walking inside, you set your bag down and sit crisscross on the futon.

"It's my pleasure. I'm sorry I don't have anything bigger for you, I'm afraid a few of our rooms are being remodeled. We have had some issues with the pipes."

You giggle at his fussing and shake your head. "No, I really like it. Plus, it's kinda like a sleepover since we are right next to eachother."

Subaru's face flushes at the comment and he averts his gaze. "Yes, I suppose it is."

If he hadn't just found out your big secret you would be far more inclined to tease him about seeming embarrassed. In fact, that's probably the only reason he's reacting that way, you figure.

"I wanted to say, I'm sorry about my behavior earlier. It was entirely inappropriate, I'll have to apologize to Kaito later, too," Subaru says, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Hey, seriously no worries! Kaito gets ribbed all the time for his antics, I'm sure he didn't take it to heart. Plus, I can see why you'd be annoyed at me. I've been a jerk with ignoring you."

Subaru shifts in place, idly toying with his signature purple earring. It was obvious he was choosing his next words carefully. "Um... so that was because..."

"Ugh... you saw it didn't you?" You ask, your face turning beet red.

"I'm sorry," Subaru squeaks out.

You pull your knees up to your chest and bury your face in them to avoid eye contact. "It's seriously not your fault. I'm the one whos sorry. I'm surprised you were even okay with letting me in here after that."

"Why would I not let you in here because of that? The anomaly is the only one to blame for that." Subaru's voice is sticky sweet like honey and you seriously didn't feel like you deserved his vindication. After all you wouldn't be having those dreams if he wasn't so darn cute.

"You're too nice, Subaru," You mutter, your head still buried in your knees. "Anyway, hopefully once this thing gets blasted I'll stop feeling so weird when I talk to you. I've felt super guilty this last week or so that this has been happening."

There is a pause, long enough that you almost muster the courage to lift your head up, but then he speaks again. "So, you still feel weird now? Even knowing it's all fabricated by a cryptid?"

"Yeah. Maybe you haven't realized, but you're like destiny level cute. Seeing your face combined with these images has seriously messed up my rhythm. The Lyric or whatever may be a perverted demon, but so am I."

"...It's Lidéric."

"Tomayto, tohmato," You quip back. Making a point not to look in his direction, you peel back the comforter on the futon and slip under it. You settle on your side facing the wall. "Anywho, I'll just try to get to sleep before my face gets any redder and I burn up in flames."

Subaru doesn't reply to that, but you hear him walk further into the room. You almost tilt your head up to see what he's doing, but then you hear a match light up, and seconds later the scent of burning incense fills your nostrils.

"This should help ward that thing off, at least for tonight. Also..."

Your eyes nearly pop out of your head when you feel a weight next to you on futon. Subaru leans over you and slips a Omamori talisman in your hand, then closes his bare fingers over yours with reckless abandon.

Your heart thrums wildly in your chest at the contact. You wonder if he saw more just by doing that and if he did, was that his intention? Either way you're not sure if you find this arousing, or if you're ready to shit your pants at the idea of him seeing more than he probably bargained for.

Subaru moves his hand from yours, but several moments pass and you don't feel him get up to leave. Daringly, you shift on your back, and glance up. The both of you instantaneously lock eyes and your stomach flips. His porcelain smooth skin is still flushed a delectable shade of pink and he gazes at you with half-lidded, timid eyes.

"Would you hate me if I tried something?" Subaru murmurs softly.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

You push out a nervous strangled laugh, your throat more dry than usual. "Try what exactly? The answer is no, anyways."

"That's good," Subaru says as he moves to hover over you, his palms caging you in.

Holy shit.

Your eyes dart subconsciously to his pretty petal pink lips. There's no way he was going to...?

Before you can even blink, his mouth is on yours. His lips are softer than you could have ever anticipated and the contact immediately leaves heat coiling tortuously in your lower half. The kiss is chaste, his lips hold your upper lip captive for brief moment before relinquishing its freedom back to you. When he pulls himself back a distance, he stares at you with a pensive expression.

A soft whine escapes your lips at the loss of contact. You're so enraptured by him you forget to be embarrassed.

"Sorry," Subaru near whispers, but he doesn't look it. "We should stop here."

You don't have the will power to argue, as your brain short circuited the moment he sat on the bed with you. You watch him lift himself up and then get to his feet. He moves to the lamp and switches it off.

"Keep that talisman with you, okay? And let me know if you need anything. Good night, (Y/N)."

"N-Night, Subaru..."

Subaru exits the room, sliding the door closed behind him.

Shoin-zukuri: Old school style of Japanese residential architecture that forms the basis of today's traditional-style Japanese house.

Omamori: Japanese talisman used to ward away spirits.

Lidéric: A demon of Hungarian origin that is a vampire-like incubus.

Zaisu: A Japanese chair with no back, or legs.

[sickficideas]

Hello it’s me Rui again! You’ve been so good to me recently for absolutely no reason at all but your own kindness. But I’m here to share some sickfics with you and the wonderful lurking community that looks at your page. 

In my opinion, I think that finding good bsd sickfics is actually really hard. So many of them are too short, not enough buildup, emit enough suffering… you get the idea. I tend to find that sickfics are best (in my opinion) when there is good buildup and absolute suffering that then elicits care :]

I have 411 (mainly soukoku) bookmarks, that vary between hurt/comfort and sickfics. (Most are hurt/comfort because sickfics that I like are hard to find). I’ve spent an unholy amount of time going through thousands of bsd fics to find satisfactory sickfics, and I thought I’d share them here for anyone else who struggles finding them <3

Mainly focusing on emeto fics for this blog because that’s what the central topic here is lol. I hope you enjoy some of my stash! If you end up liking it, maybe I can share my larger stash of hurt/comfort. I wish this category wasn’t so sparse.

» Nothing || Fraink5 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/11365941

A sadder fic with a bit less emeto. TW for major character death. I know it’s not exactly emeto, but it has its moments, and I find that this short little fic provides some of the same things that standard emeto fics do. Definitively worth the read if you’re in the right headspace for character death.

» Nebulous || way1203 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/37985296

Beautiful Chuuya sickfic oneshot. It’s about the aftermath of corruption. There’s a lot of delirium, sometimes it is hard to suspend my disbelief, but I still enjoy this one a lot.

» You’re a Canary, I’m a Coal Mine || PlayRough - https://archiveofourown.org/works/37985296

One of the more popular bsd sickfics writers, but I found myself needed to include this fic. It is quite long, but it’s basically just Dazai suffering from sickness and Chuuya assisting him. I’m ashamed to say this has become one of my bedtime stories.

» surely i’ll go bite the dirty dust || lizzielovessharks - https://archiveofourown.org/works/36533236

I can confidently proclaim this as one of the most criminally underrated bsd sickfics I’ve ever had the honour of discovering. Chuuya and Dazai are severely injured after a mission, Chuuya can hardly walk, and he’s sick. They just get so tormented but there’s so much comfort in this short and sweet fic. The ending always makes me smile, and I find myself coming back to this one very often.

» In Sickness and In Heath || TheShortestAlchemist - https://archiveofourown.org/works/48006802

Chuuya taking care of Dazai :]

Less emeto but still provides much comfort for the soul. 

» I’ll Take Care of You || Anonymous - https://archiveofourown.org/works/49949443

Sorry this one isn’t emeto either… but it’s chuuya being torment by Arahabaki so much that he gets a migraine that renders him unable to do anything. Still fulfills many sickfics desires.

» Poisoned Valentine || Wolf___Spirit - https://archiveofourown.org/works/53768785

Someone tries to send Chuuya home with poisoned chocolates with the intent to kill. However Dazai ends up eating them first, thus causing him to endure a lot of pain. (Read this honestly it’s wonderful)

» Burning Out || Trinity_of_Madness - https://archiveofourown.org/works/18899161

Long term corruption side effects… that’s all I’m gonna say. Take it or leave it as you see fit :] (it’s very fluffy, however it is quite bittersweet in case that’s not what you’re looking for)

» crimson headache, aching blush || kaiunkaiku - https://archiveofourown.org/works/24344119

More post corruption. Chuuya really needs a hug. He gets one. (Recommend reading lol)

» Underwater || TheGreatCatsby - https://archiveofourown.org/works/24344119

I’m so sorry. Not as much of a sickfic, but gosh it has to be one of my favourite comfort oneshots to ever exist. Chuuya does have a small emeto moment though. Ahhhh I’m so sorry for getting off track in these recommendations, I just have so many 🪦

» A Joyless Ride || calmlb - https://archiveofourown.org/works/55224694

This one is beautiful. I personally love the motion sickness Dazai headcannon. And this does a perfect job at demonstrating it. Dazai and Chuuya are on a mission, but they have to escape via Chuuya’s motorcycle. Dazai gets motion sickness that Chuuya had not considered.

» on standby for you || lonelydoctors - https://archiveofourown.org/works/48558496

Chuuya is hit with a virus ability and Dazai has to take care of him while he suffers. I really enjoyed this one. 

» Flashover || affectropia - https://archiveofourown.org/works/35640841

Bittersweet concept that is the reason behind this fic being a sickfic. However, it has a fluffy ending, and is only the care taking half of it. 

» beating drums and piping flutes - as they play the rain will fall || saanoir

This fic has to be another criminally underrated one. It’s the insomniac Dazai headcannon, except he starts feeling badly. All alone, he remembers a promise him and Chuuya made years ago. Hurt, even more comfort.

» I Think I’ll Just Collapse Right Here, Thanks || huntersserenity - https://archiveofourown.org/works/27219268

Chuuya has a drink poisoned. He is disoriented and not very functioning, but Dazai is there to assist him like he always is. (Very good, underrated, highly highly recommend)

Andd that’s all I got for now! Aside from another wonderful writers works that I didn’t include. Their username is ringingmaybelles and they make very very quality sickfics. Definitely read their work if you want the best there is to offer.

I’m sorry for the long list, I hope it is helpful/enjoyable. Sorry to come back and bother you with this essay. Thank you for letting me share these for the fellow sickfic enjoyers 😭😭😭

(Apologies in advance for the links not working I’m sorry ahh, you’d have to put it into your browser qwq)

RUI!!! You have no idea how much I appreciate you doing this for us 💖💖💖 hehehe...you're so sweet🙈🙈

I know a lot of people on this blog loooove SKK as well, and you've included many sick Chuuya fics here which I find more difficult to come across...this hand selected list is so beautiful and I really appreciate all of the effort you went through to give this to us 🥺💖

It took me a little bit to get to this ask chronologically between all the asks in my inbox but here are clickable links compiled for everyone's ease, since tumblr asks took yours away hahaha!!

I've included short summaries from the fic's original summaries along with Rui's descriptions, but please head the warnings and tags on the fics themselves!

Enjoy and share with fellow SKK sickfic enjoyers :))) I haven't read many of these and I'm so excited to dive in 🙏 let me know if any of the links are wrong so I can fix them, and if any of these authors see this and want to be tagged on tumblr ;)

Nothing by Fraink5

"Chuuya wakes up with a terrible fever--except he can't stay awake. Dazai is determined to keep Chuuya from losing consciousness, but how long will it last?"

Nebulous by way1203

"Chuuya struggles with the aftermath of using Corruption too many times and Dazai helps him through it."

You're a Canary, I'm a Coal Mine by PlayRough

"Super self indulgent Dazai sickfic."

surely i'll go bite the dirty dust by lizzielovessharks

" "Come on Chuuya," He muttered quietly as they felt themself having to pull Chuuya harder and harder to keep up, "Just a little bit further." -- or more Chuuya angst :) "

In Sickness and In Health by TheShortestAlchemist

"Dazai is sick and Chuuya takes care of him like the loving bf he is~"

I'll Take Care of You by toucheslikethesun

"Dazai walks into the ADA to find a desperate and distressed Chuuya looking for him, haunted by Arahabaki and having been unable to sleep for a long time."

Poisoned Valentine by Wolf__Spirit

"On Valentine's Day, Dazai steals and eats some chocolates that were given to Chuuya in the mafia. Turns out they were poisoned chocolates."

Burning Out by Trinity_of_Madness

" “Chuuya… We have to go…” Dazai whispered and pulled him up unwillingly. -- Chuuya held his hand, followed his guide with his usual smile on his face. Dazai’s chest tightened painfully at the sight, and he couldn’t stop himself from pulling him into a tight embrace."

crimson headache by kaiunkaiku

"the aftermath of corruption is its own kind of hell."

Underwater by TheGreatCatsby

"Chuuya has never liked water, but he never thought about why."

A Joyless Ride by calmlb

"Dazai hates motorcycles but right now he doesn’t have a choice. It does not go well"

on standby for you by lonelydoctors

"Chuuya gets hit by a virus ability and Dazai has to take care of him"

Flashover by affetropia

"Dazai tried again. Now, he gotta to deal with the pain, and Chuuya is there. He always is there when he needs."

beating drums and piping flutes - as they play the rain will fall by saanoir

"Dazai, in the midst of suffering another bout of insomnia, remembers a promise he made to Chuuya a long time ago -- to go to him when he's feeling bad."

I Think I'll Just Collaspe Right Here, Thanks by huntersserenity

" ‘ ‘Samu,’ Chuuya groaned. ‘Wanna take a nap.’ -- ‘You can’t nap right now, darling,’ Dazai said." "

The end 🏁 Enjoy!!

[ssruis]

whar are yuor opinions on emurui ..

(Talking abt the platonic dynamic here) THE SILLIES… my silly geese… the dreamers… I like them a lot and I really wish they had more moments. The backstage behind the scenes duo… I think it’s really cute that he gets what she’s saying and has always taken her & her outlandish ideas seriously. Emu has always always been treated like she’s simple minded or ditzy and her ideas were never taken seriously but rui took her seriously from the beginning!! Bc he can make the impossible possible!! And he knows that being joyful and whimsical doesn’t mean you’re unintelligent because he is just as goofy.

I like that emu has always had faith in rui’s crazy ass ideas and even volunteered for them. I’ve talked a lot about tsukasa & rui and that but emu has zero sense of self preservation and is always like ohhh i wanna try out the lightning machine i wanna do an underwater show. She encourages his whimsy. I really wish there was more I could say about emu supporting rui but colopale won’t let them hang out and it makes me sad… + even though emu can tell when he’s sad and hiding it normally nene is on rui duty by virtue of knowing him the longest. I do think that she has a remarkable ability to simplify the over complicated thoughts running around in his head. She can cheer him up easily and offer a perspective he was too caught up in the weeds to consider. They’re on the same wavelength of clown to clown communication all the time.

Them also being the ones who want to cling to wxs the most… auhhhh… eueueue…. Especially because they were the two members who (almost) left first, with rui accepting the arcland offer and emu wanting to stay at pxl. And notably in both scenarios someone else had to step in and say that’s not what you really want and/or that’s not what’s best for you (Asahi with rui and emu’s brothers with her).

I don’t think they’re allowed to be left alone together at wxs sleepovers because one time nene woke up at 3 am went to the bathroom and found them about to fuck up each other’s hair and give each other new ear piercings. What did I say forever ago. Hour one of emu & rui sleepover “let’s cut each others bangs” hour three of emu & rui sleepover “the nature of all good things is that they’re ephemeral.” hour five of the emu & rui sleepover “1) do you think pigeons could be trained like a flea circus 2) how can we get started on that right now”

[kawaiichibiart]

PRSK Unit Shuffle AU Incorrect Quotes pt.3 (Kamiyama Second Year Students):

Rui: I love you.

Tsukasa: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.

*Rui and Tsukasa kiss passionately*

Shizuku , to Airi: You owe me 20 dollars.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Rui & Shizuku in the back of Tsukasa's car: MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS!

Airi: We have food at home.

Tsukasa: *pulls into the McDonald's drivethrough*

Rui & Shizuku : YAYYYYYY!

Tsukasa: *orders one black coffee and leaves*

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Tsukasa: You know, Shizuku gives Airi flowers everyday, I wish you'd do that too.

Rui: Okay.

*Later*

Rui: *gives Airi flowers*

Airi: ???

Rui: I don't know, I'm confused as well.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Airi: Why is Rui crying on the floor?

Shizuku : He's drunk.

Airi: And?

Shizuku : He saw a picture of Tsukasa's boyfriend.

Airi: But he's Tsukasa's boyfriend.

Shizuku : I know.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Shizuku : I'm so happy, I could kiss you!

Airi: Um...Neat.

*later*

Airi, lying face down on their bed: I said "Neat," Tsukasa. Who the fuck says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid.

Tsukasa, reading a book: Don't beat yourself up too much, Airi. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I did when Rui confessed his love for me?

Airi: Didn't you thank him?

Tsukasa: *closes the book and looks at the ceiling* I fucking thanked him.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Shizuku : How is the most beautiful person in the world?

Airi: *blushing* I—

Rui, butting into the conversation: Tsukasa is perfect, thanks for asking.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Tsukasa: Rui, I have a great idea.

Rui: Let’s hear it.

Tsukasa: We trick Shizuku and Airi to go out on a date together.

Rui: YES!

Rui: And hey, if that doesn’t work out, maybe you and me could go out, get some drinks—

Tsukasa, hitting him with a book: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Tsukasa: Where's Airi?

Rui: Don't worry, I'll find her.

Rui, shouting: Shizuku sucks!

Airi, distantly: Shizuku is the best person ever! Fuck you!

Rui: Found her.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Shizuku : Good night.

Tsukasa: Sleep tight.

Airi: Don't let the bedbugs crawl up to your ear and whisper threatening things that make you question yourself.

Rui: Great, now Tsukasa's crying.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Shizuku : Hey Tsukasa, wanna third wheel on my date with Airi tomorrow?

Tsukasa: Sure.

Shizuku : Rui! Wanna third wheel on my date with Airi tomorrow?

Shizuku : Great! I've always wanted to go on a double date!

Tsukasa & Rui: ...

Airi: Shizuku ...

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Airi: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?

Rui: Put spaghetti in it.

Airi: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you.

Shizuku : Put spaghetti in it.

Airi: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two.

Tsukasa: Put spaghetti in it.

Airi: I am no longer taking suggestions.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Airi: Why do you look like that?

Tsukasa, laying face-first on the floor: Like what?

Airi: Like you’re dead.

Tsukasa: It’s because I’m dying. Leave me here to perish.

Shizuku : Tsukasa accidentally called Rui “babe” in front of everyone today.

Tsukasa: *sobs into the floor*

[weiward-gomi-blog]

TKDB EPISODE 10 SPOILERS

(my thoughts)

Man... I finished EP 10... After a long grinding..

Need to think long about it and don't start about the MC hates on the comments! I am her number one defender!!!

So what we gain from that is....

Mention of a name [Elias] which we all assuming is the janitor. He really fits right with Haru in his janitor gig lol. No wonder Haru was chatting him up casually before. Like yes more content of 4th years please! (Does that means Bentley a 4th year?)

I wonder what Romeo means by they already finished up the interview? Is it connected to the mermaid thing? Playing zookeeper??

Ed can read minds and will shamelessly blurted it out loud, damn boy have some delicacy 😭

Ed have classic vampire powers like seduction/hypnosis and only work on humans, which makes Lyca and Rui confirmed non-human.

And I assume from their behaviors, I don't think Ed and Rui is the murderer. Ed seems docile and take things slowly while Rui dislike harming people. But Towa tho... Let's see what he act like in EP 12 then I can judge. (So far my sus list is: Jiro, Towa)

Ed being flirty with Rui 👀 okay okay go off Bi King

This mission is very much traumatic for them 😭 MC got strangled, Lyca got hurt and betrayed, Rui accidentally kill again. And old man Ed just lounging 😭 God damn it bro act faster.

And I can't believe I got the culprit wrong, I thought the daughter is definitely it. If a little girl can summon monster does that mean we have a chance? Ehe 👉👈

I also understand why people upset with MC lack of confrontation, but guys... I think the devs just cutting budgets. And be fr here, if it's was you who got strangled, would you gather yourself so quickly to defend against the mob? She already speak up but the crowd doesn't listen. Come on y'all being too harsh. BUT I sense a plot hole, the ring doesn't activate even though her life was in danger (flashback to the ring guarding her from Romeo in EP 1)

Hello???? Sage ring wake up??? Don't tell me it become useless after forming into a ring... Since MC wishes to help the ghouls, the ring power change into that? BOO c'mon ring u can multitask -_-

[glorifiedstreetmagician]

To My Dearest

Three letters from Haku Kusanagi to Zenji Kotodama that he did not send and one that he did. Thank you @danieyells for the inspiration. This is dedicated to @zenji-kotodama-official, for hopefully obvious reasons.

[unsent]

Zenji,

This is the sort of thing you would do. But now I find myself sitting at my desk, the weight of the time spent apart hanging over me like an axe about to drop, and I'm writing a letter you'll probably never see. I'm pretending to write to you anyway. Rui said it might help me figure my feelings out if I wrote them down like this, but after ten of these already I'm starting to think I'm doing this just because it feels like the only way I can speak my mind to you while you're not here.

It reminds me of the time I found a poem left on your desk when you weren't there. You wrote of a ghost of a poet and an heir to a shrine. I didn't read it all—I won't pretend to have had the patience or the nerve to try at the time—but I still think about it. You were trying to tell me something and I wish I knew what.

I shouldn't have told you what I did, that I wished I had kissed you when I had the chance. I should have said that I'd still try. You still reach for the people around you with such reckless love, like that time you moved for my hand and fell through your own bed. Your embarrassment was priceless. Oddly beautiful, too. And if you'd let me try to embarrass myself, just once, I'd try to kiss you, ghostly air and all.

It's shameful. Sometimes I lay awake at night, curled up on my side and staring at my door, asking myself what I did wrong. But I know I've done plenty wrong. Even so, I wish you'd just talk to me. I miss you. I hate that I miss you.

You're so annoying, but why did I have to get used to your annoyingness? Why do I miss it? Why do I yearn for just one more obnoxiously loud song, one more melancholic poem, one more masterpiece played on your biwa with your imperious voice demanding I record?

I hate you. I hate you for making me cry. I hate you for being gone. I hate you for not talking to me. I hate you for your silence more than your noise ever annoyed me. Please come back. Please be silent somewhere I can see you again. Just please come back. Come back and be your annoying self and I won't complain again. I won't roll my eyes. I won't tease. Just come back to me, Zenji.

Why do you avoid me? Is it so terrible if I want you, alive or dead? Is there really no other way for us to have our happily ever after? Is there a reason you won't try with me?

Haku

[unsent]

Dear Taro,

Do you remember the day we first met? It was the start of second year for us both, though I didn't really know you until I first stepped foot into Hotarubi, my new dorm at the time. To be honest, I don't really know why I chose it when I'd hardly spent any time there before I left Frostheim. I guess it just reminded me of home.

That first day though, it didn't feel exactly like home. It felt a bit like betrayal when I walked in, knowing who I'd left behind. I was quiet, and then there you were. An explosion of colour and fabric, pale skin glowing even in the dim mists of Hotarubi, and I could swear your eyes sparkled. You were all smiles and friendly chatter, welcoming me like I was just some childhood buddy you hadn't seen for a long time. You didn't even know me.

And you wouldn't leave my side. You said "hi" to at least a dozen people on the way to showing me my room, but stuck by me. At mealtimes, you were there. In the evening, you walked me back to my room even when I said I remembered the way. You did the same the day after that and the day after that and, seemingly, almost every single day forward. I'm not sure you knew it, but you made those first months bearable for me. I'm not sure I ever thanked you for that.

I've always been ungrateful when it comes to you. For your life, your company, and your smile.

What I'd give to see your smile again.

Sorrowfully, Haku

[unsent]

Dearest Taro,

I see the way she looks at you. I see the way you look at her. I've never been a jealous man. At least, not until now. She brings so much more life to you, and for someone always on my case for flirting, you certainly charm the hell out of her.

We talk now, but it doesn't feel the same as before the ball. I wish we'd never gone. I wish I hadn't asked you to dance. I'd undo it all if it meant you wouldn't keep averting your gaze from me when I'm in the room.

What does an honor student have that I don't? Why will you entertain her and not me?

How much longer will this go on?

Yours, Haku

[the downturned card]

Haku didn't show up to the wedding. How could he go on pretending to be perfectly serene and happy, seeing two of his friends get what they always deserved and he selfishly wished against?

The closest he made it was a short distance from the reception, under the shade of a tree grown into the form of a bench. It was wrapped in white and soft indigo ribbons, purple roses tucked among them. That was where he left his folded-up letter.

He glimpses Zenji in the distance, dressed down for this part after the ceremony, considering it was only for close friends. Who would have thought that all the ghouls would not only help lift not just a curse, but a spirit from the dead to allow this newlywed couple to stand here today? Zenji moved and interacted with the world with so much grace and enthusiasm. Every step, every wave of his hand, every turn of his head filled Haku with a love so deep and aching that it hurt.

Love. He had fallen in love with his old friend. It was a terrifying, tragic feeling.

If not for the pain, Haku wouldn't have had the means to walk away, leaving the letter in the tree for Zenji to find if he went looking.

To My Dearest,

There's a poem I've been thinking about. A few lines specifically:

Trees outside the window and a big band sound that makes you feel like / everything's okay, / a feeling that lasts for one song maybe, / the parentheses all clicking shut behind you... I sleep. I dream. I make up things / that I would never say. I say them very quietly.

Sometimes it's easier to use a poet's words when I'm lost for ways to articulate just how I'm feeling. The full poem is more hopeful, but I keep coming back to these lines. It's like he knew, somehow. Precisely how to describe the way grief feels, where you stand in one place but time moves on anyway. Contentment is fleeting, the situation is final, and I betray my own healing by whispering all the words I wish I had said long ago and clinging to them like they might impossibly change the present.

I fear I have become the ghost in bringing you back. I'm stuck somewhere between that night and all the nights after where something got lost in translation.

You deserve this happy life. I'm writing this letter to say goodbye. I have always been a selfish, selfish man. I can't watch you love someone else anymore and live the life with her that I wanted with you.

I'm sorry, Taro. I'm so sorry I never did anything right by you.

Yours, still, Haku

[the upright card]

Haku went through the motions of the day in a kind of stupor. A few years ago, if you told him that he was going to get married one day, he'd laugh self-deprecatingly and ask if you were planning to propose to say such a thing. If you told him he was going to marry Zenji Kotodama—to him, Taro Kirisaki—he would blankly demand what gave you that ridiculous idea, arms crossed and unimpressed.

Currently, his arms are draped over Zenji's shoulders as they slow dance in an empty garden party. All the guests had left. Soon, Haku was going to clean up before he and Zenji collected their bags to board the late train. But right now, he's content just dancing to a song Zenji hummed sweetly in the quiet.

The moment feels so surreal. Zenji's buzzing solidness after years of growing stronger, the rise and fall of his chest so close to true breathing, the fact that they could still hold each other even while one remained a ghost. But the sound of his voice remains the same as always.

"You seem lost in thought, my dear." Zenji's ruby eyes glitter with gentle affection as he observes Haku. "Will you tell me about it?"

"It's nothing," Haku says, only for the rest of his excuses to melt away at a kiss to his forehead. It feels as real as anything.

"Tell me anyway," Zenji replies once he pulls away, smiling encouragingly.

Sighing, Haku glances off to the side at the curved tree. "It's... not something I can say aloud right now."

"But we are alone!" Zenji says, incredulous.

And Haku finds himself chuckling. "Yes. I know. But it's because it's for you that I'm struggling to say it." They stop dancing and, with a tremoring hand, Haku draws a folded piece of paper from a pocket in his coat. "Here. Read this, please. I should start cleaning, or we'll never make it to that train."

"But these are not your vows from earlier?"

"No," Haku says, wandering off to start collecting glasses to take inside. "Just read it and you'll see!" he calls back before leaving.

To My Dearest,

While I like poetry, I've never been all that good at it. I've written this letter probably a dozen times already, trying to quote every Romantic poet you could name. And many of them, I find, are so sad in their works. It just wouldn't do because I find myself so incredibly happy.

I'm writing this version the night before our wedding. You're asleep in the next room over (I know this because I can hear you snoring) and the moon is bright. I have the window open and the breeze is so nice, even if it's also messing with the paper right now.

You know by now that I'm stalling. You've always known me better than anyone else, particularly my own family. And while you've felt like family for a long time now, I can't believe I'm—and yet I look forward to—officially making you mine tomorrow.

You don't know it, but I've been writing letters to you for years. It started in our third year at Darkwick Academy, when I thought I had ruined our friendship for good. Ruined any kind of relationship we might have had. I wrote to you almost every day for a month, and then I continued to write after, but I never sent anything. You know me, after all. I couldn't be openly honest if my life depended on it.

Keats wrote once about the harmony in silence—or something close to that. After years of writing to you what I cannot say, I think I've finally reached that harmony. In my silent missives, I've found a new appreciation for your endless songs. I want you to sing until I go deaf. I want to love you until the end of my life, and then even after.

I used to scorn fairy tales. They weren't real. I had experienced the real world with all its unfit couples, doomed lovers, and sex addicts. I thought that was all there is. You may remember that there was a time I never thought I'd marry, simply because I didn't think a happy marriage was possible. But I want to make a promise to you, Taro. The vows I read out tomorrow are for everyone else. But this promise is for you only, in the beautiful simplicity of silence as you read.

While it is within my power, I am making this our happily ever after, my dearest. I owe it to the both of us to believe in fairy tales again. And I promise you that in this one, the moon and the fisherman can devote themselves to one another, the heir to the shrine can know of the ghost's love, and the beast can marry the princess.

We will have bad days. Someday I might find I grow tired of noise again. You might detest my criticisms. But I promise to never forget the love that's bound us through life and death. If you ever fear that I will, come to me with this letter and we will read it again together until we both remember our happily ever after.

I'm going to marry you tomorrow. You'll see.

With love, forever yours, Haku

[night-owl-bard]

My Personal Experience with Mizuki and Mizu5

Coming out, fear of abandonment, loneliness, and learning to trust others.

When I started liking and following the Project SEKAI franchise, the game hadn't even been released in its global version yet. So you can tell I’ve been here for quite some time.

I identified with Mizuki right from the beginning. A person whose defense mechanism is to avoid or joke around in tense or conflicting situations? Someone with deep-seated anxiety and fear of being alone? Someone who never shows their true self out of fear of rejection? Well, that’s just me.

When I first started following the story, I was about the same age as the characters. Now I’m older, with more life experience—which, while not a lot, still makes me quite different from how I was when I was Mizuki's age.

The 'core' of this character revolves around two things: identity and connection.

Mizuki wants to be themselves—to dress, behave, and live in a way that feels true and comfortable.

And Mizuki wants to have people by their side. They want to feel supported, to support others, to hang out with real friends, and to have people who stay in their life. They're tired of losing.

Mizuki believes these two desires can’t coexist.

At first, they purposely keep their distance from the rest of Niigo so that, when the inevitable happens and everyone leaves, it won’t hurt as much. Later, they decide to make the most of the time they have left with the group. Mizuki doesn’t doubt that Niigo might accept them; they fear that Niigo only accepts them out of kindness, as if it’s out of pity.

Mizuki doesn’t want to be treated like a charity case. They want genuine connection, true belonging.

I don’t relate as much to Mizuki’s personality (I think Kanade is the one most like me), but I deeply connect with their struggles around identity and gender expression (I’m agender and AFAB) as well as with their issues of trust and abandonment.

I’m doing much better these days, but I know all too well what it feels like to want to disappear, to push people away out of fear that they’ll leave first, to keep everyone at arm's length. I have amazing friends who give me all the support in the world (they’re my Rui, wishing my heart to be protected haha).

Sometimes, I still fear ending up alone, that other circumstances will drive us apart, or that they're only kind to me because they’re good people. But those are just the bad days, which eventually fade away into a sea of good ones.

When I look at Mizuki, I see my younger self—scared, sad, lonely, and hopeless. I deeply wish to see a healing arc for them, just like we’re seeing with Mafuyu. It would be wonderful to see a character I identify with so much learn that they can have a happy life.

That they can be themselves and still be loved