#makes no sense but makes sense to me so thts all that matters

[holoship]

[cryptidapprentice]

[hinamie]

wanted 2 make a bit of an update post to get a few things off my chest bc i feel like i've been a bit quiet on here compared 2 normal and for that i apologize gsdhjgfdsj I promise I will do better at being chronically online

in all seriousness though, ever since the jjk manga ended, I've started experiencing th dilemma where I am feeling less inspired but also twice as pressured to continue living up to the standard I set for myself by being so active while the manga was ongoing. i'm finding it's taking longer than it should to finish pieces that are not challenging enough to warrant the extra hours, it's harder to come up with what I think are original concepts, and overall i'm just anxious that the high i've been riding since april has finally begun its descent.

I know logically tht these expectations i'm worried about being unable to meet are entirely self-imposed. I /know/ that not every piece needs to be a profound character tribute packed with symbolism and hidden meanings, but tht doesn't change the fact that it still feels really disappointing when I try to dig for that emotional component that I was really loving in the art that was inspired by later manga chapters, only to come up short. I'm feeling myself defaulting back to drawing My Ship Posed Cutely, or Character Lineup In Cute Outfits, whereas before I was really feeling like my art was touching something beyond just surface-level aesthetic. This isn't to say that I don't think I can ever get back to creating those harder-hitting pieces, or that I /dislike/ my more lighthearted aesthetically-driven work, I'm just frustrated at myself for feeling like I have to now dig for what used to be so readily available.

there's no conclusion to this story gfhjsgd this is rly just a vent post. i've been doing this long enough to know that this is just part of what happens with any creative hobby. periods of feeling uninspired unfortunately come with the territory, n it makes sense that those feelings wld be exacerbated now that the series i take my main inspiration from has come to a standstill for the time being. but I don't feel burnt out on jjk yet, which is reassuring in that it means I know I still Want to draw the characters, no matter how boring or overdone all of my current ideas feel. i'm in no rush to move on from jjk as my main fandom either, although I do see myself sprinkling in more art for other series to pass the time n keep me Inspired while I wait for s3. so for those of you who found me through my art (probably most of u), i guess also pls take this as both warning and reassurance that you most likely Will see me start drawing for other fandoms in the coming months, but don't take it as meaning I've abandoned drawing for jjk

and as always, thank u all for sticking with me and for all the support and lovely words on my art, it rly does make my days brighter <3

[xylianasblog]

Hi bbygirl <3 !! I HAVE REQUEST🗣️🗣️🧨

so could u write me one where like the reader is neteyams “rival” but like she doesn’t like him bc she thinks he’s tryna be better than everyone and she thinks he’s like conceited but in reality he’s just tryna be the best FOR HER and one day she over hears him telling someone tht no matter what he does the reader will never like him and she does kinda like him but not as much as he likes her. (PLS I BEG U HAPPY ENDING. ION WANNA CRY.) and yeah idk take it from there 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Thin line.

Pair: AgedUp! Neteyam x NaviFem reader

Summary: Neteyam couldn’t understand why you hated him when all he wanted to do was love you.

Warnings: MDNI, possessive Neteyam, fingering, choking, p in v, oblivious reader, established (arranged) relationship.

꒦꒷❀꒷꒦ ❀✿❀꒦꒷❀꒷꒦MDNI ꒦꒷❀꒷꒦❀✿❀ ꒦꒷❀꒷꒦

For as long as you could remember you always disliked Neteyam, at least that’s what you had told yourself.

And maybe you did hate him, he was too.. perfect everything about him was everything you weren’t. So why were you picked by Eywa to be his arranged mate? The news was something you had a strong dislike for yet what could you do about it?

After the declaration by the Tsahik you avoided Neteyam like the plague, picking arguments here and there for the fuck of it. You refused to give him the satisfaction of having you fall at his feet just after everyone else did.

Once day while you were out hunting you came across Neteyam and his friends near the river. Neteyam looked upset as he spoke to the guys. “I wish she would stop fighting me, I don’t understand why she hates me.” Her spoke throwing his head back to show just how frustrated he was by this all. “She’s too stubborn to see that I’m in love with her and don’t give me the-“ you didn’t say to hear the rest of what was said, and as quietly and quickly as you could you left the area. Your mind racing with so many thoughts and questions.

Your mind couldn’t process anything you had heard, that’s impossible. Maybe it wasn’t maybe he had always tried to show you, maybe you were the problem and not Neteyam. “Sevin, it is late we should go.” Neteyam said. “I’ve been looking around for you everywhere.” Your brow bones furrowed as you turned to him, still trying to make sense of everything.

“You are an asshole, why did you not tell me before? Why wait? Why did you let me go around hating you for so long Neteyam?” You yelled at him your frustration bubbling up before you could even think about the words you were saying, and instead of waiting for an answer you turned to stomp away angrily. At least that was the plan until neteyams hand wrapped around your throat, turning your body to face his, his amber eyes held his anger like that of a volcano whose burning lava was ready to erupt. Maybe you had pushed him too far,as he held your throat, pulling your face closer. Your lips just a few centimeters from his. “You know paskalin… there’s a thin line between love and hate.”

Your breath caught in your throat, all the words died instantly as you felt an all to familiar feeling in the pit of your stomach. “I don’t think you hate me, in fact..” he didn’t finish his sentence as he captured your lips in a heated kiss. His hold on your neck tightened as he forced his tongue into your mouth, establishing every last bit of dominance he could. You placed your hands on his chest to push at him, hating that your body reacted so submissively to the kiss for a moment. He pulled away to glare down at you. “Stop fighting and just let me have you. Let me love you as I have been trying to do.” He whispered, every last emotion he had as he spoke once more. “Just let me have you in the way I crave..”

Who were you to fight him? To deny him of the one thing he had been trying so hard to prove himself worthy of having?

Your nails dug into the skin of his shoulders as your gaze dropped down to his lips, the frown on your face couldn’t be helped. You felt nothing yet everything all at once, your emotions were working in overdrive. You know one thing though, this was always a certain that never seemed to go away, especially not when you pulled him into another kiss.

Neteyam was caught off guard for a second his body easily responding, the kiss was sloppy and heated. All the pent up frustrations over the years came boiling forward in the form of the kiss. Hasty movements as you both worked to rid the other of the clothing that covered your body, a fight for dominance, neither working or wanting to back down.

Soon your sweaty bodies were a mess on the mossy ground, hands touching and feeling every place you both could without a care in the world. Neteyams fingers found your dripping entrance, teasing and fucking into you slowly. His lips kissing and sucking on random parts of your neck and chest, leaving his marks in angry vibrate colors of purplish red. He took his time with your needy cunt, bringing you to the edge of release over and over again. He took his time using his fingers to bring you the pleasure you had always dreamed about, and soon enough you both became one it felt as if everything within Pandora was aligned.

As Neteyam thrusted in and out of you roughly, not sparing you a single thrust as he forced you to take all of him, every single inch of his throbbing length disappeared into your aching cunt. Your cries muffled by his covering your mouth to keep you both protected while you both got lost in each other’s bodies.

In the quiet of the night where you finally welcomed the love of Neteyam, each new round of being fucked into by the man you hated. You realized there really is a thin line.

➳༻❀✿❀༺➳ ༻❀✿❀༺➳ ༻❀✿❀༺ ➳

Taglist: @pandoraslxna @neteyamsoare @criticallybella @sunfyresrider @neteyamsyawntu @tiredmamaissy @headsincloud9 @etherialblackrose @blue-slxt @justcaptiannoodles @neteyamyawne @oakbuggy @hotdsworld @plooto @itchaboi-itchyboy @eywaite @luvv4j4ybe11 @quicktosimp @cardi-bre91 @torukmaktoskxawng @rivatar @thepeonysbackup @tallulah477

[expectopatronum18]

Ok this is probably gonna be controversial

Even though I generally don't mind the fanon marauders (i couldn't hate them more but also idc, let ppl hv fun), i think it's a very interesting phenomenon. Don't get me wrong, i definitely don't conflate what ppl enjoy in fiction with real life, but imo it's rather interesting to see how our values and worldview influences the literature we produce and consume (otherwise it wouldn't be necessary to completely change the marauders' personalities in the first place)

Generally, i think it's just that ppl want to impose current day values and trends on the characters they grew up with and thus have a great degree of nostalgia for, seems lyk a perfect mix. And most ppl probably don't want deep, complex and heart breaking stuff in something they view as recreation. And that unconventional ships are fun in general. The entire thing is just silly fun

But also, i think the specific characterization of the marauders as one dimensional social justice warriors who are completely correct all the time(to the point where they're justified in every wrong thing they do in the name of defending rights or sm shit) comes from the fact that a lot of ppl like to think of themselves in this way as well. There's no place for growth, correction or nuance, there's just good vs evil and right vs wrong. In the sense that they're the knights in shining armour and the rest of the world is purely evil. And this is just my opinion, but i think being an sjw is more of a cool fad now than anything else (particularly in the West). The purpose of what ur fighting for comes second to feeling good about yourself and having a superiority complex that comes with believing that ur completely, totally right with everything u say and do. The truth is, despite the fact that it's good to feel this way, i think literally no one is lyk this, no matter how accepting and empathetic they believe themselves to be. A lot of it is constantly questioning if ur doing the right thing and constantly critically analysing ur views and positions by trying ur best to see things from every perspective (or at least thts the way I see it). Everyone always has something they need to change. My point is, i think ppl hv a hard time accepting that those fighting for noble causes can still be wrong about other things and can still believe in the backward thinking of their time without being revolutionaries(a simple glance at history would have made this obvious but nvm) It obvs doesn't make it acceptable to the slightest but it is what it is, the younger generation learns from their mistakes and so on. This, imo, is particularly common amongst the more chronically online folks, those who see themselves as the ultimate upholders of justice. U can have assholes who are trying their best to do what is right while still being shitty in their own ways. Snape can save the world and represent the power of redemption while still being a pathetic and miserable person. James and Sirius can be extremely cruel bullies while still being brave and noble by risking their lives and fighting for the cause when they were barely out of school (particularly Sirius, given what he was raised to believe in). Regulus can still be honourable and brave for ultimately sacrificing his life in hopes of bringing down voldemort while still retaining the fact tht he was obsessed with a cult leader calling for genocide (and incidentally, we hv no proof tht regulus stopped believing in all his other prejudices before his death).

None of these characters need to be confined to the 'a part of the LGBT community- or homophobic' binary to categorise them into good and evil, in the sense that the uwu marauders and Slytherin skittles (who were literal DEs in canon) are always the good ones and Snape gets the rear end of the stick. Plus being a part of the LGBT community doesn't automatically make ur character interesting,complex, or better, neither does it need to be their entire personality..imo this idea isn't as progressive as it's made out to be and isn't the representation ppl think it is.

These are thoughts haphazardly floating around in my brain and I cannot write a satisfactory and conscise conclusion to save my life, so, uhh, feel free to fill in lmao

[papercupids]

living w svt; headcanons ('96 line version)

pairings -> junhui x reader, hoshi x reader, wonwoo x reader, woozi x reader.

warnings -> concepts of overworking (pls take rest ok <3) , arguments in woozi's part, metions of killing someone in junhui's part but very jokingly.

word count -> 1927

a/n -> i love writing these scenarios so much bcs i love domesticity and my own home life is pretty shit lmao but writing these gives me an outlet about the kind of life i would wanna live w someone so haha

also big, big shoutout to lacey (@haet-sal) for brainstorming jun's part w me and just being there overall ily &lt;3

-> read the maknae line version here -> read the 97 line version here.

☆ junhui. 

the sky has already quietly settled in the darkness when you leave your office, and you sigh as you look at the time, 10:30 pm and junhui’s text that you couldn’t answer until almost 2 hours later, courtesy of your boss assigning you work at the last minute on the presentation you gave him. 

the same route was the one you took in the morning, humming to yourself about the fact tht tonight would just be you and junhui, he was going to be home after so long, and this had to be the exact day it happened.

you’d texted him back as soon as you could. “i’ll be a little late,” little? you wanted to laugh at yourself, you’d planned on getting out at 7:30 almost. the message you sent was still delivered, so you figured junhui was already asleep. but even if he was asleep, the aspect of having him home was enough to make you giddy. 

when you open the door, you peek your head in, trying to check where he is, the home is already smelling like the new cologne he’s trying. 

“jun?” you call out in a low tone, not sure if he’s awake or not, and wanting him to sty asleep if he is. 

and sure enough, he’s sprawled out on the sofa, the television still on, and his phone in his hand, it sure is a cute sight but it almost brings you to tears, you missed him so much. the house that felt so empty, and the silence that seemed to be killing you was just gone, in the matter of hours. you resist the urge to hug him and instead check for something to eat, and clean up, all so quickly because you can’t miss even a minute more of being curled up next to your boyfriend. 

and you do so, snuggling up yourself close to his chest and spreading a comforter you borrowed from the bedroom, you’re afraid of waking him up but he shows absolutely no signs of being disturbed, and as you sleep next to him, you drift off as well, with his presence unknowingly taking away all your stress. 

-

you can swear you had the curtains drawn when you fell asleep last night but you were so tired and happy at the same time that some things were bound to be missed. 

so you wake up to the sunlight harshly pouring in from the windows, thankfully, junhui’s face is away from it. 

you stroke his face, admiring the features and then, unable to resist, press a kiss to his lips and then lie on his side again, this time with a huge grin on your face. 

as expected, his eyes flutter open, “good morning to you too,”

“you’re up,” you can’t help but squeal as you wrap yourself around him tightly, he chuckles. 

“i missed you so much, angel,” he says. 

“i’m sorry for missing dinner last night,” you apologise, “boss made me work late,”

“should i just go kill him?” jun teases, but when you give him a horrified look, he quickly takes it back, “just kidding, baby,”

you decide it’s time to wake up when you realize that you’re hungry, “what do you want to eat?”

jun sits beside you. “i’m gonna make you something, sit back down, just tell me what you want,”

“jun, it’s my turn!”

“it’s mine actually, i want to cook, please let me cook for you,”

☆ hoshi. 

one of the most endearing things about hoshi is probably the fact that he practically has a sixth sense when it comes to the people he loves, it could even be deduced as intuition. 

because when you’re working for far too long, sitting on your chair, craning your neck that is sure to be painful when you finally rest, tensed jaw and all, hoshi presents a bottle of water and doesn’t leave until you’ve assured him of the fact that you’re actually not a robot and do depend on hydration. 

today’s one of those days, when you’re so focused on work, and now hoshi knows its because the deadline of this project is fast approaching but you shouldn’t be so harsh on yourself, so every once in 2 hours almost, he sits beside you on your table and forces you to move around, drink something, eat something, look at something that’s not your screen (him, yes,). but just not push yourself unhealthily.

you turn your chair around, and face him. “i really need to finish-“

“and you will,” he completes your sentence. sometimes you were surprised about the amount of faith he had in you, even you didn’t trust yourself like that. 

“i will,” you repeat after him. and you did admit, it helped so much with these little breaks because otherwise your brain tired you out with thoughts like, “will i even be able to finish this at all,?” “will they like it?” “what if they don’t like it?” so it was nice to just not think about the situation at hand and instead realize that there was a lot to life even without your work. 

hoshi gives you a smile, and he glances at his watch, “okay,” he bows, “i’ll go now but i’ll be back by 4,” you stop him by holding his hand, and reach up to him to kiss his lips. 

he’s sweetly surprised by your gesture, but he smiles against your lips. “hey, what’s up?” he whispers. 

“i feel like i can’t express it very well , so i just want you to know i love you,” 

“i know, baby,” he kisses your forehead, his hand on the nape of your neck. 

☆ wonwoo.

you were tired of the day, it was already about 8 pm as you looked at your watch and sigh, it had been such a long week. the train was full of people like you, exhausted as their faces betrayed but they did their best to distract themselves. there was a lot you'd got done this week but the thought of another week was dreadful, the mere idea that you'd be here at the same time next week thinking about almost the same things as today.

entering the password slowly, you remove your shoes and place them neatly in the rack. 

there’s little liveliness in the home, but you can hear the sound of dishes and drawers, and the presence of someone moving around. but you hated the fact that you were too tired to even talk to him for now, so you rest yourself on the couch, spreading yourself to sit as comfortably as possible.

and you don't know when you doze off, all you remember is gentle hands taking away the bag you had in your hands and stroking your face.

“i didn't realize you were home, i'm sorry,” wonwoo's voice is so soothing, you wish you could just listen to him speak as you sleep.

“i made dinner, do you want to have a bit or do you want to continue sleeping?”

the smell was too goo to give up on and you nod.

“should i help you with this?” he gestures to your face. 

you shake your head, the power nap had energized you enough to get up and get dressed in your night clothes.

and when you come into the kitchen after changing, you feel a smile making its way on your face as you look at wonwoo, passionately setting up the table, he's way too much into it. 

he gives you a smile too, before enveloping you in a hug, “long day?” you nod into his chest.

he has his fingers running through your hair. “come eat, you'll feel better,” he whispers quietly.

and the sudden existential crisis that hit you on the bus is slowly evaporating - one day at a time, and at least you had about two days to relax, you can think of monday on monday. maybe quit the job, find something new. you were convinced you could do just about anything if you had this at the end of the day, wonwoo with you, by your side. 

later, when your eyes are fluttering shut almost, after you've told him all about your stressful day, he's telling you little anecdotes about his, small incidents he knows you would be interested and you nod, registering and smiling a bit when he mentions hoshi and woozi's bickering, or the members bullying mingyu once again.

you drift off again, safely snuggled up in his arms. and he smiles to himself, he's sleepy himself so it doesn't take much convincing for him to shut his eyes himself

☆ woozi. 

something not a lot of people know about him is the fact that woozi’s very glad to be home. there were times when he thought that he would never ever have something that he could ever priortise over his work. 

but when he locks the door on his way in, he sees it, lying on the couch, drool escaping your lips, and the tv is playing something you were definitely not watching. you’re hunched over the armrest for a make-shift pillow as you sleep and on the table beside the sofa is your empty dinner plate. 

while normally woozi would be disappointed that you’re not taking better care of yourself if you get this exhausted throughout the day, today he was in a particularly good mood, because he, after the last few arguments you’ve had with him, has begun to put himself in your shoes, because you were right. 

sometimes he did get a little too arrogant during arguments and refused to acknowledge his own mistake. when he looked at it from your perspective, he understood. and all these days, instead of trying to make it up to you, what he’d been doing was running from confrontation, running to work in the morning and right now, running right to go to sleep. but he’d thought about it, if it went on like this, you were sure to leave and just the thought was miserable enough to send his whole behavior into an entire change. 

so today, instead of his usual routine of dumping the dinner plate in the sink and heading off to change into his bed-clothes (don’t blame him, he’s too tired to shower), he walks over to the living room, his heart slightly melting over looking at you sleep, and he gently brushes your hair away from your face. 

“darling,”

you wake up slowly, mentally groaning over the fact that you slept on the sofa again, but you couldn’t see the sunshine seeping in through the curtains, what time was it?

“come sleep on the bed,” he sits on the edge of the sofa. 

how has he changed? it wasn’t the expression you’d expect from the man who’d been avoiding you all week. 

he looks down to his hands when you look at him, ouzzled. 

“i know i messed up, i’m sorry,” 

and then he turns to you. “i just.. thought about how i could end up losing you over this petty thing and i can’t imagine that. so i’m sorry i was a jerk to you, but i promise i’ll try my best to work on my flaws.”

“it’s okay, you’re here, it’s okay.” you throw your arms around him at that. “you weren’t going to lose me or anything, jihoon, by the way. we’re way in too deep for me to just leave because of that, but i’m glad you realized your mistake,”

“let’s go to bed now?” 

[imab4dbitchucantkillme]

I’m not good at analysis or anythin and I’m not like well versed when it comes to fandom shit or anythin like tht. This is honestly the first show I’ve ever been this invested in I usually just watch shit at surface level so fuckin bear with me.

I think it is difficult to really understand tht mindset of bein stuck in sw with wot seems like no way out. U can reach a point where the drugs r hurtin and ur so fucked in the head and u feel so worthless tht ur like ‘ well u know wot this is all my fault anyways and wot does it matter if someone treats me like garbage’

Not correct obviously and really dangerous but it happens. U start takin risks and doin wotever it takes to get wot u need and thn u go home and feel like trash.

Wot u dnt need is sum bleeding heart tryna save u and u also dnt need sumone who’s gonna pander to ur self loathing.

Sometimes u need sumone to be like ‘bitch get ur sexy ass up off the floor. Shit sux but cryin and whinin ain’t gonna change anythin’

Obvs tht dnt work for everyone but it worked for me so 🤷‍♀️

My 2 biggest supports have always done this for me even when I was bein a vile lil coked out bitch and depressed cry bby.

They pulled me up and told me to get my shit together. They joke with me and they know it’s not a crime to be a fucked up addict tht sleeps around for fun and or money. thts not to say they condone bein dangerous cos obvs they dnt.

They helped me get clean by treatin me like an adult and helpin me not fall into a self loathing pit. Sumtimes u really just need someone to joke around with and say ya u do kinda suck sumtimes and ya u make fucked up choices but ur still my fave person and ur still worthy of luv and respect.

Anyways thts my jumbled up takeaway from this shit I dunno if it made sense.

There’s more to it thn even tht but I’m struggling to put words to it. 💋

[charmedreincarnation]

https://www.tumblr.com/charmedreincarnation/716304528371236864/httpswwwtumblrcomcharmedreincarnation7161223?source=share

Hii its me

I copied my ask earlier. Although I am feeling slightly better and confident I would really do with your help 🥺

I so badly want to have my desires yet when it comes to doing the work I get lazy because I am scared the same thing is going to happen all over again. I will do great and then some negative thoughts that dont even make sense will ruin everything. I want to tap in the void state but I have ao many irrational fears piled up. As soon as I put my focus away from the void these fears make zero sense but as soon as I start to work in my void concept these fears become so real and annoying tht at this point am scared to even start working on my void concept because I only get false hope and exhaustion when I try to work towards my goals. I thought I will manifest my desires my jan but it passed then I thought it will be by feb but now even april is over. Its been four long years like this. I came to know about the void in dec 2022 and I thought I will tap in but I feel like the exception. My self concept is trash I go to work on it but fail miserably because every single thing tells me the opposite even if 3d is just a reflection its hard. I thought I will tap in the void and change my sc but even the void feels far far away. I wanted to get in the void in jan and I feel stuck. Everyone is making great progress but me. I will be 19 soon. I feel like a failure. I hate to live like this. Maya please guide me and help me please. I see so many people deciding that they will taap in tonight and they do or people simply affirming and getting in even some people with bad voidconcept. I really need help and guidance. My appearance, mental health , studies ,body, social life everything has degraded so badly I cant eben express the pain.

I understand that you are feeling frustrated and scared about your manifesting journey. Remember, Assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled and observe the route that your attention follows. This means that by focusing on the end result and experiencing the feeling of having already achieved it, you will naturally be guided towards your desired outcome.

Do not let fear and negative thoughts hold you back from your desires. "You are the operant power,babe, you have the power to change your reality through your thoughts and beliefs.

"Change your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live." The key is to focus on the version of yourself that has already manifested your desires, and live as if that reality is already yours.Do not compare yourself to others or their progress. Your own wonderful human imagination is the actual creative power of God within you. Trust in your imagination and your ability to manifest your desires, regardless of what others may or may not be doing.

I promise, you are never too old or late to set another goal or to dream a new dream. Your age nor date does not define your ability to manifest your desires, and it's never too late to start working towards them.Be kind to yourself, practice self-love, and believe in yourself and your ability to manifest your desires. Assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled, and feel grateful for the desire already being fulfilled. Thank yourself for already granting your desire, and trust in the process.

As for your 3D I understand how hard it is. But again, "You are the operant power." No matter what your 3D reality may seem like, you have the power to change it through your thoughts and beliefs. Focus on your desires as if they have already been fulfilled, and live from that state of being.

As Edward Art said, "Great things never came from comfort zones." Push yourself out of your comfort zone and imagine the reality you truly desire, despite any limitations in your current 3D reality. Visualize your desires and hold onto the feeling as if they have already been fulfilled. "The more we practice, the easier it gets, and the more expansive our lives become."

As Edward Art also said, "Action is the physical manifestation of thought." Take inspired action towards your desires, no matter how small the steps may be. You can start with not being so harsh to yourself. Your imagination will reflect regardless but don’t be kind to person you are now just because you’ll love the person you’ll be in the future

You can Believe you can and you're halfway there already, so just accept it’s yours and that’s all. Believe in yourself, trust in yourself and ability, and let go of any limiting beliefs or doubts. You have the power to manifest your desires, no matter what your current 3D reality may look like I promise.

This is the last ask I’m answering until I return, but I really hope to see more success stories :)! We all deserve our dreams lives and ily all so much,including you anon 🫶

[wiresister]

I dnt think im evr gonna feel nything close 2 secure in a relationship. not even jst bcuz of this last 1, th relationships iv built in th last 3 yrs hav felt like the strongest iv evr had nd yet thru all of them i nvr stopped feeling afraid tht i was 1 wrong sentence away from destrying evrythng. nd then tht did happen nd i was right nd th shreds of confidence i had wer washed away, nd i hav no way of being sure tht wont happen again. even if its not this spesific issue, theres 2 much shit wrong w me nd i cant handle enuff of it on my own nd no matter how much i try 2 make myself smaller im always taking up 2 much space nd i always hav 2 output at minimum 2x watever it is im asking 4 or im being annoying or selfish or getting in th way nd no amount of reassurance iv gotten tht thts not th case has ever made it not feel like this. i dnt feel real or like a person or like im alive at all. i feel more like the sense of dread tht ppl get wen they lay down in bed nd try 2 sleep only 2 remember they hav 2 work in the morning. i shldnt even exist at all, im only here bcuz of how fuckd evrything is nd thers nothing i can do 2 make it bttr. i dnt think im unique 4 feeling like this, iv met a lot of ppl tht seem 2 feel like this 2 varying degree, but i jst seem 2 repulse them 2. i dnt want 2 keep feeling like this but i cant make it go away nd no one else is going 2, i jst want 2 give up, i want 2 skip 2 th part wer evry1 leavs so i can go home and do it w/o getting cucked by guilt

[gramarye]

gender talk

my thing with gender is like... i've said it before but i've never felt comfortable choosing a set of pronouns for myself in english because neither of my native languages have gendered pronouns so i'd rather people use whatever they feel is most natural for them, i do not feel like there is a point in choosing and having a pronoun define me because it feels unnatural to have my gender somehow be relevant within references to me in conversations ? if that makes sense? but it doesn't manifest in a "only use they/them for me" way it manifests in a "use anything dude, whatever" manner

and in general i feel like i do just not fit in the gender binary but i don't really want to put a label on it i just like being a girl and a boy and Something. but i don't think i was always made to feel comfortable exploring that, i used to be in a space where i was told by a partner i'd be unattractive and undesirable if i explored any masculine aspects of my appearance so i just held off it, i don't mind dressing and appearing feminine but i do feel it was something expected of me more than anything so it's mostly what i've done. i have a lot of desires with my appearance that were always shot down that i now regret not exploring

i do mean it genuinely and with no ill taste when i say i don't mind if people see me just as a woman or use she/her for me exclusively it is fine. i don't expect people to also mix and match pronouns for me it is again just as well. i guess it's just like ohh.. i want to speak about it. i need to talk about it

most of all i just feel like a lesbian and thats like the core of my identity. my pronouns are any. my gender is any (lesbian). thts all that matters. idk what s the point of this. i want to be more like Myself i hope i can be more myself now that i feel i am in a space where i won't feel unloved if i do that !

[mappingthesky]

nymphia is soooo confusing first she says stay tuned for the finale in response to the her and plane question when nothing happened tonight and now in her ew interview she says “Mama, before [the season was] announced, Plane came to Taiwan, and when we got together, Dawn was like, "Did you guys f---?" I was like, "What are you talking about? No, we didn't!" Dawn is just going to be a little evil elf. Let her be, let her have her moment. I'll keep the audience guessing if me and Plane are a thing. Stay tuned!” when asked abt her and plane and she denies that they are together while also keeping us on our toes like I've never been more confused lmaooo what do u think of that (the ew interview is here btw https://ew.com/rupauls-drag-race-winner-nymphia-wind-exclusive-interview-8636500 )

if there were ever any doubts about how huge of a fucking tease nymphia is, here’s your proof!!

the truth is that i have no clue. logically i know it makes a lot of sense for her to play into the speculation & keep people engaged in the show/ upcoming projects / etc. so yes, i think that’s a big part of why she would tease things like this.

the other half of me thinks this whole thing is so fucking suspicious & something went/ is going down. is it mutual? is it one sided (which… i think could be a possibility but more on this another time)? is it a secret? who knows. idk, we all have seen the evidence. the way the other girls treat this whole thing is really compelling to me, because everyone seems to know without really knowing. there’s a part of me that wonders if planymphia themselves are still figuring it out? like they are also staying tuned because they’re navigating this whole situation too… i can only imagine how much of a whirlwind life has been post-filming, not to mention the physical distance between their worlds, so this may very much be a slow burn situation irl (which is…delicious to me as a writer & romantic) these two are both very private (in a somehow very public way). the truth is, i think whatever went down is reserved for them & their absolute closest companions!!

the truth is that we won’t know anything for certain unless they choose to share!! but the adoration they have for each other, whatever form it takes, is very apparent and that’s all tht matters <3

[unfortunate--moth]

PRSK X AA!!????!

(I recently got into Ace Attorney bc of a friend and the gay lawyers)

But yes

Yesyesyesyesyes

Tsukasa would literally be perfect for Ace Attorney

He’s so unintentionally suspicious at all times

Same with Rui

i was just talking to bri about this i joked that rui would be a murderer but really i feel like he'd take up the same sort of prosecutor role as edgeworth, von karma, and godot. (<- ive only seen the first 3 games if thts not clear)

tsukasa definitely has the same spunk as phoenix but i dont know if he could pull off being a defense attorney. or well now that im thinking about it maybe he could. he's sorta had that kind of role in past events iirc. so maybe they could be the wrightworth of this au. but also its WAY too funny to imagine tsukasa getting framed for murder.

i could also see nene in phoenix's position but no matter what emu would definitely be in maya's position. it just makes sense to me.

[prettyboykatsuki]

i shy away from cnc— bc a lot of writers dont do it in a way i can handle. i.e some do it more for shock value & graphic depictions of sexualised violence as opposed to furthering character exploration thru the lens of lust/desire & the messiness of the human condition— but i'm rlly rlly glad i gave yours a try tbh. i dont want to come off pretentious at all im just trying to be purposeful abt sending in an ask; you always have a through-line in your writing. even if its just a smut scene, i can understand the "why" and it helps me get through potentially difficult reads. idk if tht made sense so imma stop here

this made me howl at the moon like wolf i was so honored by it.

i dont want to diss on any writers but i do think the subject of "dark content" and what it constitutes had taken a very weird and uncritical direction for a while there and i had a similar experience. i really only got truly comfortable with writing content that dark after allowing myself to touch on the difficult and nitty gritty. that kind of thing is integral to how u handle it!!

tldr its a very complex thing to handle that subject matter but i try really hard to do exactly what you have said which is put the why at the forefront.

while cnc doesn't necessarily constitute dark content in what it is - how it is handled tonally can evoke similar emotion!! i think for kink like that in particular it is very important to cover that. kink is psychological but not in the direct way of like "if you have x trauma you have x kink" but in specific kinks sort of cater to deep needs you have and meet them in this very round about way. the human mind is a terribly messy place akjdksd

i wont get into why i think shouto is into cnc or this will become very long but it makes me really glad that the way i touch on and explain these desires through texts makes it easier to read and handle.

ultimately i always want people to understand what a desire can look like so they can't empathize with it even if they don't share it!! to me thats what really good dark content does, especially erotica. rlly that goes for any erotica - being able to show the appeal well enough that anyone can read and go hm. interesting.

[hotasfahrenheit]

working on processing my feelings about both the Only Friends finale and the series in general and i know i've already posted a lot about how i see myself and my friend groups and people i know in these characters and that's part of how i know this show was well done even if other people think it was a mess.

specifically right now, i keep thinking about when -i- was 22, a friend "stole" my boyfriend and how MY response to that was to not speak to the friend for six entire months, which was painful for both of us, but to also forgive the dude right away and continue being best friends with him. the fact that i was still in love with him definitely helped, but now i can look back on that and know that our relationship wasn't working and would have ended anyway, he was just as culpable as she was in the whole situation for how they went about things, and how i handled my responses was unfair and shitty.

i thought i would never want to be friends with her again, but after a few months i realised how much i missed her and our friendship and we eventually settled back into being friends again. (especially after they also inevitably broke up- she and i have since basically lived together on and off, traveled to foreign countries together, flown back and forth across north america to see each other different places as we've both moved around, etc.)

so like... should i really be judging Mew for forgiving Top but not Boston, and for how shitty he's being to Boston still by the end? didn't I do basically the same thing to someone one time? maybe after Boston has been gone long enough, Mew will realise he's been an ass and will be willing to work on their relationship. maybe he'll show up for that new years eve.

but i doubt it. prior to the relationship explosion, i didn't judge my friend for her lifestyle or have an unwarranted sense of superiority about who i was in comparison to her. i didn't judge her life choices by holding them up to some kind of vague mostly unexplained moral code that i used to decide if people were doing tht right things or not. i wouldn't have tried to destroy her life with any secrets or even implied that i could or would, no matter how badly i was hurt.

but at the same time, as much as i dislike Mew (but love Book- he's done an INCREDIBLE job making me hate his character) i can see the realistic grounding for his reaction and behavior and the hypocrisy of it, because i've done almost the exact same thing. i hate how relatable i find his unwillingness to give Boston any leniency or grace because me as the human i am now has found those things for Boston in myself, but i know that the me of the age of these characters would have also wanted Boston to just go away forever and be unforgiven.

idk. i just love how much this show has forced me to reflect on my youth in ways i definitely didn't expect it would when i heard the siren song of the promise of a messy show with lots of kissing. i love how real so many of the struggles and problems have felt, how they've been pulled from real lives instead of just tv drama tropes. i love how complex the characters are and how real they feel and how i feel like i really do know all of them, because in different ways, all of them are pieces of my friends or people i have known.... or are pieces of me.

[gayspock]

ok 1 menty b for me

i dont know. i think its just always been so alienating. i think theres something wrong with me and its unfixable. and sometimes, if i cant have anything else, i just want at least the fucking chance to express that without people thinking even less of me. and ik in reality nobody even gaf or sees me. but i also know know that if they did, 9times out fo 10 people would be rolling their eyes. whatever. idk. i feel so lonely and i dont think im ever not going to be lonely and its never going to get better because even when given the resources, the opportunities i just can never manage . i just cant . i swear i try . but every single time. my whole fucking life . i just walk away from everything with even less, it feels like. and its getting so much harderand harder. and i dont know how to express it liek ... i fucking feel myself SEETHE as ppl keep insisting "theres still a chance! there's still hope!" like sure bro. but i dont want to fucking keep living my life along the fucking asymptote of getting consistently closer to dying alone but "haha technically its not a certainty" and . like theres just something so fucking repulsive about me and i just cant seem to fix it no matter what. and im so exhausted all the time. and i genuinely dont think theres any way out of that . i go to work and i come home so burnt out and tired. and people are nice there but i dont think i can really connect with anyone . i just cant seem to get close to people . and i dont have it within me to meet anyone else because im so fucking tired all of the time .

and even if i did and i mustered all the energy and spent all the little time i had left in the world i dont think theyd have time for me. not just bc nobody in their 20s does but also because i dont know . it just never seems to work . and i cant do it again where i try to invest every little piece of me into it when its jsut always left me fucking miserable and pathetic. bro do you know what i mean. not to be 16 and lame as shit still. i feel like im always the idiot ppl take pity on at best . i dont think ive ever been real to anybody. like alwaysssssss...... and even now i feel like every time I HAVE existed within circles of others. its literally 10 times out of 10 just constantly fighting to be included and seen as someone whos not a fucking joke and i just feel like such a fucking . loser for caring so much about it when. REALISTICALLY. pretty much all the people ive met in life will have forgotten i exist. and ok. ok. i just dont think ... like its not like some trait within me right like ... im not As melodramatic to be like oh . oh theres an actual innate trait within me thats activated and stops people liking me. just. the contrary like. i just think theres nothing within me to actually like . or to gravitate towards. so likeyeah sure . that makes sense. why WOULD you want to bother with someone whos just kinda hollow or whatever.. something something or other. and i kind of wish i was more resilient about tht. but i jsut . i guess as is a Guy of that Nature, its just ... im trying to fucking not fucking spiral but i just feel myself fucking filling up with fucking . miserable SHITTY bile or whatever because i just wish i felt normal or whatever. its such a fucking human fucking thing that other people can MANAGE. but i cant . its so so fucking hard and i cant do it and i cant handle it. and i just feel so angry sometimes anyways . bc i hate it . and i keep trying bc i wanna make peace with it because i know theres no out . like ive long since given up on ever thinking its going to work out . because nothing fucking helps but makes it so much worse . anyways. i dont know. but i dont know bro. it drives me fucking insane when people always spout some bs about how "haha everyone has someone! everyone will find someone! like no they dont no they wont . its so .. so much more isolating. or like "EVERYONEEE feels lonely sometimes" like HOW does that help. HOW. and it makes it so MUCH FUCKING WORSEEEE when people tell you about how lonely they are too!!! like cool . i dont have a chance then. sorry i know thats such a bitter bitch thing to say. but idk if it rlly matters like ... at the end of the day idc when ppl have partners. or people they talk to. family who loves them. and youre still lonely. cool. thank you for letting me know, dude. go back to the people who will look out for you and love you whilst i sit in the dark and not speak to anyone for weeks whilst not a single person would even notice im gone .

or like. bro. i dont think a single person has taken me seriously for long enough to ever fucking like me or hold me in enough regard to like... want to talk to me again nevermind like be with me in a certain sense so i jsut. i dont know. sits alone. every fucking day for years maybe. i dont know. i feel so fucking sad and angry knowing deep down that i can know all this and know its true but even then . i cant even have that . people wont even take THAT part of me seriouslyand think im just some fucking idiot whos not even trying. when i really reallyhave but its just so... worthless it feels like . it feels like im never getting anywhere and everyone thinks i just gave up when i didnt. and i dont know. thar makes it sound like people actually see me and really are laughing or something when i dont think its nearly that much. i think its like oh people see me make that as a snap judgement and i fall out of existence again. and i dont know. it shouldnt matter but i feel so fucking strung out and exist between these instances only and idk. idk bro. im trying to be okay with it. but as im getting older i just feel like theres so many more things that are revealing themselves as worse and worse. and im going crazy. im going crazzzzzzyyyy . whatever . insert the mental breakdown gifs . the funny ones where those guys aremoving really fast

[fierceawakening]

I was wondering if a radfem might brave that post to tell us what we got right. Hi there @capybarad , I appreciate your stopping by and being civil. I disagree with you on a lot of things most likely, but I appreciate your civility.

So I’m going to reply, but just so you know, I’m non-binary and many of my friends are trans. I don’t know if you’re trans exclusionary or not, but if you put trans people down, I’m no longer going to engage, as I care more about them feeling safe here as they’re my friends than I do about this discussion.

I cant speak for others but the reason why I personally don’t post about things like fgm but do post about things like US conservative traditionalists who are misogynistic and gross and such is just that… I’m not sure what circulating posts about fgm actually does. Where if I’m commenting on something going on in my own culture, I might very well have a chance to sway someone who’s tempted by that rhetoric. I pick my battles now because trying to pick them all in years past just made me exhausted and too drained to fight well for anything.

I appreciate you mentioning that pornography and the harms you see in it are the biggest issue for you, and I can see why you’d want more mainstream feminisms to ally with you there since it’s important to you. The problem is… again, I can’t speak for other people as well as for myself, but what I read of radical feminist theory on pornography as research for the I’ll fated dissertation just… was unconvincing to me.

First there’s my personal experience. Male partners who liked porn were non abusive; the lesbian I met and got together with in feminist circles was. One person’s experience proves very little; there’s surely someone else out there (maybe even you yourself) who’s had the opposite experience.

What would adjudicate this would be clear data. What percentage of people who watch porn go on to pressure or abuse their partners? Is the correlation solely with porn watching, or is it porn watching AND something else (so maybe someone who is low on authoritarian values and watches porn has no problem relating to a partner, but someone who is highly authoritarian sees it as a justification of sexual cruelty and does)? While radfems would claim to have data, it always seemed that it was old, or funded by odd organizations, or not shown to have been repeated consistently. Consequently I doubt that most people who watch porn coerce their partners.

Similarly, it’s clear that exploitation exists in the industry, but the claim seems to be that all participants are exploited more so than any other job under capitalism and that we don’t need actual data to show this. ThT theory alone can tell us that sex work is uniquely and inherently degrading, even if people who do it say this is not so. I’m unconvinced that theory alone can tell me what other people are experiencing, so again, I want data. How much of the industry is exploitative? What are we defining as exploitative, also? What trends are there in’s h in workplaces are better than others?

Relying mainly on theory here just seems as wrongheaded as “I have a theory that most feminists are traumatized, so you can’t possibly care about Women’s issues for rational reasons.” It just doesn’t make sense. Where if there is a fact of the matter, careful research will bring it to light.

Then there’s the theory itself. It may have changed some since I was studying this, I’ve kind of avoided radfems since. But I do have Pornography Embodied on my bookshelf (if it didn’t get spring cleaninged into the trash), and the theory in that was that orgasm is uniquely good at training humans into behavior patterns in ways that other pleasurable experiences aren’t.

Again though, it seemed to me like this was presented as theory, not as something with evidence to back it. And without that evidence I’m not convinced.

(Again, anecdotes are not data, but I can’t think of any time in my life that I laser focused on one particular fantasy over all others, and I have purchased and looked at porn made by lesbian creators. There are some fantasies that I really enjoy and go back to many times, but I don’t experience that as needing x over and over, much less as needing increasingly intense versions of it. That doesn’t mean it’s not a thing people do, but again… which people? What percentage of humans? How do we know when this is happening?)

So if you’re aiming to sway me personally, the best projects would probably be ones where you discover that a particular performer or studio is violating the ethics standards of the industry itself. In cases like that I’d be glad to call for someone’s firing or maybe even for a particular studio to close down.

But opposition of the whole industry based on theoretical principles? No, I’m highly unlikely to be convinced that way.