#makes me want to kill people. violent violent deaths.

[blu3-ja3]

Hi! More context for my Cursed Gotham au! More specifically I was thinking of context for Jason and eventually the LoA and Talia. Eventually it led to all of this and I added more details to the Batfam timeline. There have been some changes to quite a few things like certain backstories and ages of certain characters.

So I was thinking that Thomas and Martha knew the Al Ghuls and were friends for a bit, Bruce and Talia both weren't born yet, maybe Martha and Mrs Al Ghul are pregnant together. Anyways during that time they make each other the godparents of their child, skip to them having a falling out because the Wayne's find out about Ra's hobby (League of Assassins).

So because there's paper work when the Wayne's are murdered little Bruce is sent to live with the Al Ghuls for a bit, like I'm thinking a year and a half because Gotham's justice systems are slow and Alfred is having trouble proving that the paperwork stating the Al Ghuls are the godparents of Bruce was nullified. So lil Bruce is trained to be Ras next in line, man's crazy and obsessed with immortality. Anyways lil Bruce just thinks he's being trained for self defense, so he can save people. Because if he could've done the thing he's seen the instructors do then maybe he could've saved his parents.

Alfred gets custody of lil Bruce and sees the kid really enjoys his martial arts. Alfred also sees how much lil Bruce hates being in the Wayne Manor and decides to take Bruce traveling to learn cool ass martial arts from different masters. Eventually when Bruce is a teen he goes back to Ras to finish his training, Bruce doesn't know that Ras is making him into a weapon. Mrs. Al Ghul is dead and Bruce doesn't know how. Talia and Bruce have a bit of a romance, nothing serious but the building bricks for their later relationship that leads to Damien's existence.

Bruce gets curious about Mrs Al Ghul's death and puts his detective skills to work and learns about some of Ras's plans. He learns of Ras making him into a weapon not the part of taking over Bruce's body. He also learns that Ras killed Talia's mother. Anyways Bruce gets pissed and is like nope I'm out, he tries to convince Talia to come with him. Talia refuses and they get into a big argument, they both say some hateful and horrible things before Bruce reveals Ras's hand in killing Talia's mom. Talia tells him she already knew and Bruce says that Talia is just like Ras before leaving.

When he's back in Gotham he's sad loner Bruce Wayne see Robert Patterson's Bats and becomes the vigilante. He gains a bit of a reputation for being extremely brutal and violent. Like I said originally Bruce didn't name himself, Gotham's people named him Batman. I'm thinking of a new reporter who writes articles talking about the local cryptid like being whose fighting crime. Like all the pictures are blurry as hell and all you can see are the squinting whites of his cowl or really blurry Batman shaped pictures of him flying across Gotham and kicking ass. Eventually as an off hand comment the writer calls him a bat man and the name sticks.

Bruce at like 16 is emancipated which officially makes him the CEO of Wayne Enterprise's and the owner of all his father's previous projects and money. Corruption has a chokehold in the business ranks due to a power vacuum. Bruce immediately starts rooting out corruption from Wayne Enterprises, initially wanting to fire everyone and start over completely. Alfred points out that if he does that he'll also fire the innocent people who had nothing to do with the corruption.

So begins Bruce's investigation of his own company, he notices that everyone is underestimating him. They think he's a stupid kid so he uses that to his advantage, he plays dumb for everyone including the media. 'I had no idea Mr. Kendall was embezzling from the company, I was going to give him a raise because if he needed more money then I'd like to pay him more but then Ms. Penelope told me where the money was going and showed me the ledgers, yes exactly... Hmm? Oh I found out because I was in his office looking for a pen, I saw the papers and didn't recognize them. Oh Ms. Sullen's front information just kinda showed up on my desk I hadn't a clue what she was doing!'

Bruce also set up the Wayne foundation to help with Gotham as much as possible; public housing, roads and parks, funding for schools, helping with health care. If Bruce can throw money to help fix a problem in Gotham he's doing it. Gotham loves their Loner, Emo, Socially Awkward Teenager, Golden Boy, Bruce Wayne and they'll defend him till the end. Like the one time a Metropolis reporter who had a live interview with a newly 17 years old Bruce and asked a rude as hell question that caused Bruce to freeze up a bit. The Daily Plant had to make a public apology to Bruce and fire the reporter.

Bruce also helps build and fund Arkham Asylum, in official interviews and outside of official interviews Bruce always has the same stance when keeping the Asylum up and running. That stance is that people deserve a chance to change, no matter how corrupt they think they are. Bruce makes a joke about Batman needing to go to Arkham, not for the vigilantism but for the fashion choices. I love the idea that Bruce Wayne has a bit of beef with Batman.

Bruce went to the Hailey's Circus and witnessed the death of the Flying Graysons, there's video of 18 year old Bruce Wayne running from his seat, jumping a barrier at the front, and quickly scooping up a little Dick Grayson from where he sat next to his parents bodies. In the video it shows Bruce holding the small boy and quickly making his way out of the tent with his butler/caretaker quickly following behind them. Gotham isn't at all surprised when the young man adopts Dick.

I think initially Bruce doesn't tell Dick about being Batman, like he's training Dick because it's a relatively healthy way of getting rid of all the anger the kid has. Bruce also takes the kid to therapy cause Bruce goes to therapy. I think little Dick knows Bruce has social anxiety and is immediately like Take me to all your public events! And Bruce does but is incredibly confused???

But it works well, when Dick feels Bruce getting too anxious about the crowd and attention Dick starts performing circus tricks. It takes all the attention away from Bruce and Dick is used to it, he loves the attention it reminds him of his parents in a way. It's their normal for a bit until one night Bruce as Batman is badly injured and stumbles back home only to collapse in a very visible place for little Dick to see. A Dick who's supposed to be in bed hours ago but couldn't find Bruce after a particularly bad nightmare. A Dick who sees his father figure bleeding out in front of him.

After Alfred saves him, Bruce has to explain to Dick why he kept it a secret for two years. Dick immediately is like I'm going with you, I'm helping you catch bad guys. Bruce is reluctant but concedes for only one case, that case being bringing in the killer of Dick's parents. A case that Bruce had been working on since that night, a crime lord by the name Tony Zuko came to the circus demanding protection money from the ring master who refused. As punishment Dick's parents were killed.

Que Dick making the Robin costume and demands no pants, he's a master manipulator and gets his way. Bruce is very hesitant about all the bright colors as well but Dick reassures him that if he can hide wearing this he can hide wearing anything. Bat doesn't immediately take Robin to find Tony, they kinda have a trial run for like a week. Bat sees that Robin is capable and proves himself to be able to hide well.

They eventually bring Tony to justice. Robin is a little menace that Gotham falls in love with and goons fear. Like I said Dick was the feral murderous Robin, goons can't hear a child's laughter without flinching and getting twitchy. Like Robin is as much as cryptid as Batman because no child can do the absolutely impossible stunts Robin performs on the regular. Not even Gotham's beloved Dick Greyson-Wayne, which starts Dick's public feud with Robin. Dick constantly "tries" to perform Robins tricks and fails, he even goes so far as to fake a broken bone after trying to do a trick at a Gala.

When Dick's like 11 Bruce helps form the Justice League, he begs to meet Superman. When Dick becomes 13 he finally gets to meet Superman, Dick also becomes the leader of the Teen Titans; Cyborg, Raven, Starfire, and Beast Boy. 3 years later Bruce stumbles across Jason Todd stealing the tires off the Batmobile (Dick called everything in the cave bat- as a joke which Bruce joined in on. It was a joke until Bats said Batcomputer in front of the JL and he just committed to the bit.) at first Bruce wasn't going to bring Jason into the vigilante side of everything.

Bruce didn't keep the secret as long as he did with Dick, after a month Dick let it slip accidentally. All three had a serious discussion that night at dinner. Dick wanted to become his own hero but didn't know who just yet. Bruce and Dick came up with the mantle of Red Robin as a temporary mantle until Dick figured out his path. Dick would stay as Robin during the months it would take to train Jason and then once Jason was ready they would exchange mantles.

They make a new robin suit for Jason because Jason is tiny, like he's severely malnourished. The new suit has shorts because Jason likes shorts and more pockets for snacks, Bruce also brings more snacks for patrols. Because Jason is smaller than Dick, Bruce gives Jason a boe staff. At 19 Red Robin helps Superman and Supes tells Dick about the Kryptonian superheroes. Dick becomes Nightwing in honor of Superman and Batman.

Robin at 12 saves a 5 year old Tim Drake from something minor, like baby genius Tim is trying to take pictures of the different species of nocturnal birds in Gotham. Baby Tim is on a roof trying to get closer to the edge with his camera and almost falls but Jason saves the kid. Que a very smart small child becoming absolutely obsessed with Robin and sneaks out to capture pictures of him, Nightwing and Batman. Jason helps form the Young Justice League; Mrs. Martian, Speedy, Kid Flash, and Aqua-Lad.

Two years later when Robin is 14 he's killed by the Joker, who beat the boy nearly to death before blowing up the building Jason was in. Before this Joker was getting increasingly deranged with his laughing gas and traps. Batman didn't notice mostly because he'd been able to cure the joker toxin and escape any trap before it was set off. Superman was off world when Bats called for him so it took a while to get back to earth.

When Superman arrived in Gotham he found Batman beating a nearly dead Joker on a live broadcast. After he had killed Robin, Joker decided to taunt Batman and try to lead him into a trap. Unbeknownst to Joker Batman was fully ready to kill him, Bruce was ready to break his one rule and then turn himself in. But Superman stopped him, he pulled the man away from the unconscious body. The last thing Gotham heard was the broken wail of Batman before the broadcast was cut off.

Joker was taken into custody and placed at Arkham until deemed mentally well. Gotham mourned the loss of the young Robin and kinda turned a blind eye to Batman's sudden increase in violence. A month later Bruce Wayne holds a closed casket funeral for his son Jason who died fighting illness. Jason is buried in the private Wayne plot at the graveyard next to Martha and Thomas Wayne. There is a memorial statue of Robin in the park.

A young Tim Drake tracks down Dick Grayson to Jump City and Titans towers. Tim begs the man to go back to being Robin. Dick refuses to go back, he's mourning his little brother and can't go back to vigilantism. Starfire has to remove Tim from the tower, Tim decides to become Robin himself. Tim sneaks into the batcave and is found by a very confused Alfred. Tim tells Alfred everything including knowing the secret identities of Batman.

Tim at 7 takes the mantle of Robin and does his best to prevent Bruce from killing criminals. Barbra Gordon becomes Batgirl to hopefully prevent Batman from accidentally killing someone in his violence. After a few months of Tim as Robin, Dick holds an intervention for Bruce with Alfred and Tim. They all managed to convince Bruce to take some time away from Gotham and go traveling. Dick promises to take on the mantle of Batman temporarily while Barbra continues being Batgirl and Tim continues being Robin.

Bruce first goes to travel around parts of India while there he meets with Talia again, they're both untrusting of each other until they realize it's a coincidence. They decided to travel India together and in the process have a relationship picking up where they left off as teens. They travel together for 3 months until they have another falling out, less intense as their last one and they both mutually agree to just be friends. Bruce learns Talia is trying to disassemble the LoA from the inside and he isn't happy about all the risks she's taking.

They split up and travel separately, Bruce continues his backpacking across the Eurasian continent. After another 3 months he returns to Gotham having figured his shit out and isn't violent. Dick is happy to give back the mantle of Batman back to Bruce and he becomes Nightwing again. Dick goes to Bludhaven and becomes their vigilante. Bruce and Tim run around and prevent crime until Joker breaks out of Arkham and kidnaps Robin.

Bruce is quick to notice Tim missing because Barbara is his babysitter and the Drake's had to leave for a business trip. Both Barbra and Bruce find Tim within two weeks of him being in Joker's and Harley's capture. Harley snaps a bit from all of Joker's torture and attacks Joker when he tries to harm Tim again. In the fight Joker throws an explosive at Batgirl that catches her off guard and paralyzed her. After Joker is placed in cuffs, Harley reveals that Joker was using Tim as a test experiment for his newest Joker Toxin.

The Drake's are contacted and told it would take time to create an antidote for the young boys. They relinquish their parental rights and vanish from the public eye, Bruce steps in and takes in Tim. It takes 4 months to find an antidote for Tim but there are still lingering effects on Tim from his time with Joker and Harley. So Tim is benched and helps Barbra create the Oracle system to help Batman while he's patrolling alone. Jim is only told the Barbra was Batgirl none of the others reveal themselves.

Stephanie Brown becomes Robin at 10 after she helps Batman take down her father. She stays in Gotham with her aunt and mom after convincing her mother to stay because she has friends here. Steph helps Cassandra and the two become inseparable, Bruce later adopts Cass who becomes Black Bat. Stephanie and Cass ran around together for a few years and attended school together.

Scarecrow releases a batch of fear toxin that was mixed with Joker's Laughing Gas, Duke's parents have an adverse reaction to the conditions and the current antidote doesn't work. Bruce takes in the young boy and covers all expenses to keep the Thomas parents safe until they can find a cure. When Duke was exposed to the Toxin his powers manifested, he and Bruce talked about Duke becoming the Signal.

Bruce and Selina begin their relationship as civilians, Harley and Ivy are released from Arkham and live normal lives in Gotham. Harley becomes a therapist for the Gotham vigilantes, Tim has recovered enough that he requested to become Robin again at 13. Stephanie gives the mantle to Tim and she becomes Spoiler.

Tim starts a new team of Teen Titans with Impulse and Wondergirl, their first mission causes them to accidentally stumble across the cloning facilities where Superboy Prime was being created. They release Kon and they form their team under the instruction of Nightwing and Starfire. Tim leads this team for multiple years and ends up in a relationship with Kon.

Talia is on the run from her father with Damien ending up in Gotham and comes across a freshly revived Jason, she doesn't know how he's back but she takes him in. She finds a second Lazarus pit under Gotham and puts Jason in for a short time. She continues with her plan and takes both Damien and Jason to Bruce. Talia explains to Bruce everything she knows including Ras's plans to steal Damien's body, she explains what she knows about Jason and how to help the catatonic man. She doesn't know how he came back but decided to help him by placing him into the pit.

Bruce takes in both boys and offers refuge for Talia which she denies. It takes months for Jason to have some semblance of normal again, not enough for him to go out patrolling but enough that he's helping Oracle from the Batcomputer. He's still dealing with a little bit of pit madness but not as severe, he's being helped by Roy and his daughter.

After a few months Tim passes the mantle of Robin to Damien and becomes Red Robin until he figures out his own vigilante name. Damien meets Jonathan Kent and they become the superson together, Jon helping curve some of Damien's awkwardness from being raised by multiple assassins. Cassandra also helps because she gets what Damien went through.

Damien is the first introduced to the public and when Jason is ready Bruce makes a story claiming Jason was in witness protection services because he saw the death of Robin. Gotham is so excited to have the boy back as well as the newest Wayne.

So the current Wayne Family is Bruce, Dick, Jason, Tim, Cass, Duke, and Damien. Steph has her own family and so does Barbara.

The romantic relationships for everyone are as follows:

Bruce and Selina

Dick and Kori

Jason and Roy

Tim and Kon

Cass and Steph

[blowjob-horseguy]

The Steve and Nancy flirting in season four becomes much more interesting when put in the context of steddie and ronance I think. Because it's less backsliding their character development and more about 2 kids in the 80's falling back on the closest het relationship available when confronted with queer feeling and queer people. It's less taking an ambitious independant woman and sticking her with the stagnant nuclear family man because the script says so, and it's more about the triangulation of desire. In this essay I will-

[musical-chick-13]

This is the only thing I'm going to say about the election until it's over:

Anyone who did not vote for Harris or who attempted to dissuade people from voting for Harris, you are indirectly responsible for whatever shit Donald Trump does if he gets elected. That blood is primarily on his hands, yes. But it is also on yours. I hope you can live with that because I sure as hell wouldn't be able to.

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

i read part of the first chapter of sea glass gardens a while ago but decided to come back once I knew more about the characters and world building of jjk. Anyways and I watched jjk 0 and your telling me he actually blew up the school with the power of love??? Like full on textually the power of love??? He straight up used the power of love to nuke Geto and subsequently the school??? Are you kidding me?? I'm losing my mind. What the fuck

my boy has powerful love within him and also incredible and indiscriminate violence. what more could you want from a character.

[lokiinmediasideblog]

I am often curious were I am in a scale of Loki apologism falls compared to the rest of the fandom. Maybe I will do a post someday.

[trans-leek-cookie]

its late-ish so my thoughts won't be well organized. Well they'll be even less well organized but anyway. I don't think murder is inherently like... Evil like it's not good but there are people who I believe the world is better off with them dead and I don't really care if it happens naturally or by another person's hand. But I can't stand the idea of fucking. Okay the specific concept I'm thinking about are "conscious rounds"- basically if someone was to be executed by firing squad there would be random guns with blanks so theoretically you might not have been the one to shoot the person to death. And I can't abide by that. Even if a murder is justified I don't think it can be justified by fucking self reassurance. I think if you are going to be involved in killing a person you should know exactly what you're doing. And I don't think this is like, something that will make people "better" necessarily (there are people who would prefer to know how they hurt someone and ended their life) but I think it's irresponsible to allow people to distance themself from the deaths they cause. And I think that's broadly true- we should be aware of like, the people who die or are hurt in the process of food, technology, clothing, etc. production because I don't think ignorance or self soothing does any good. Even if people don't care we need to know wether we want to or not.

And just. There are obviously more complex arguments that need to be made and refined and discussed but where I started with opposing the death penalty is internalizing that 1. Obviously, we aren't fucking clairvoyant- innocent people will die because of mistakes 2. Many of the ppl subjected to the death penalty will be marginalized and Black people are especially vulnerable because of antiBlackness) 3. The potential abuse of the system to falsely accuse people is enough to negate any possible "justice" the death penalty could provide and imo focusing on aiding the victims makes false accusations much less appealing because there is no longer* a punishment you can use to harm the person you accuse (idk how to exactly say this but like. I don't think punishment is inherently evil or whatever but 1. The state should not be allowed to use death as punishment 2. The punishments that currently exist (like jail) are largely fucking immoral on their own. Like if someone gets sued for damages that's its own thing. Sorry idk where I'm going with this but mainly there shouldnt be a legal way to get someone killed)

[psychological-musings]

Honestly I think this could have used an extra button for "No; I've helped people cope with suicidal ideation before, but I never felt guilted/coerced into it" based on a lot of responses in the notes. (Obviously the submitter can't think of every possible poll outcome, I'm not trying to say it's bad that the option isn't here— just that it's an interesting conclusion that that's a pretty common thing people are saying)

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[teaboot]

TOP 10 PERSONAL FAVE MOVIES TO WATCH WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE ASS

I don't like movies that stress me out because life is already stressful but I DO love catharsis comedy found family friendship fantasy and violence so here are my top 10 movies and series to have a good time watching

Numbered for convenience but not in any particular order

John Wick 1 and 2: An ordinary man grieving the loss of his wife gets dragged back into his past as a shadowy, invisible world of international killers for hire is slowly revealed to be living among us. A love note to set design, lighting, and choreography. My favourite part is fixating on the symbolism. DO NOT WATCH 3. 4 is okay. DO NOT WATCH 3. There is a dog death in 1 that will make you cry so skip that part if you have to. DO NOT WATCH 3.

The lord of the Rings, all 3, extended edition best watched if you're on the couch with the flu and expect to fall asleep OR if it's your day off and it's raining outside OR if you have like 5 people lounging around in pajamas

Six Underground: Essentially an hour and a half long car commercial music video with found family and a fresher take on acommon plot. Ryan Reynolds essentially writes and directs a Michael Bay movie where 6 independant criminals gather together to overthrow a violent foreign dictatorship. You show up for a dumb heist and walk out ready to build a guillotine. TW for violence, car crashes, chemical warfare, and genocide. A very cathartic ending. Does unfortunately do the whole "vague, impoverished middle-eastern country" thing but the citizens are actually show as human beings which is a nice change of pace and oh wow that's depressing isn't it

The Princess Diaries 1 and 2: A sort-of-a-loser teenage girl, played by a 2001 Annie Hathaway, learns that her late father was a king of a foreign nation and must become a confident and responsible leader for his people. There is a scene in the rain where you will experience emotions. Best watched with snacks. 2 features an enemies-to-lovers type deal with Chris Pine.

Ella Enchanted: A shrek-style semi-musical fantasy romance in which a young woman is cursed at birth to do everything anyone tells her to do. Features several Queen songs and dance numbers sung by Annie Hathaway and that guy who plays the sad dog guy in Hannibal.

Stardust: A huge loser travels from 1800s England (?) to a magical world in order to fetch a fallen star for the insufferable love of his life before she marries a massive douchebag. The huge loser? Charlie Cox. The star? A living person. Also a whole bunch of princes are ALSO looking for them as a race for the throne while discreetly killing each other off. And also a bunch of witches want to eat her so they can be young and sexy. 11/10. I used to watch this 10 minutes at a time on a YouTube channel that posted it in chunks filmed on a digital camera in their living room

The Last Holiday: Queen Latifah, playing someone played by Queen Latifah, has been working an underappreciated minimum wage job for years, living a safe and conservative life trying to lose weight and save money. Then she finds out she has months to live, and decides to finally quit her job and blow it all on one massive luxury holiday vacation complete with five-star dining, making friends and finding love and confidence along the way. It's definitely corny but it makes me so happy thank you Queen Latifah

Zathura: It's the plot to the original Jumanji but in space instead of the rainforest. But listen to me: There's a twist reveal at the end that you need to pretend isn't there. It is vitally important when you get to that part- and you will know what part when it happens- that you pretend it didn't. Otherwise, a fresh and enjoyable adventure for any age!

Redacted cause I haven't seen it in a long time and it may be worse than I remember, gotta rewatch

Bullet Train. You go in expecting a ham-fisted find-the-mcguffin style action comedy and are blindsided by excellent narrative symmetry and genuinely likeable characters. Fresh takes on old themes and creative action sequences. My little brother said "It's good", and he's a man who once sincerely argued that Lord of the Rings could have been better. It's fun and punchy violence with just enough smart stuff to not let your brain get bored

[agoodflyting]

Why Aziraphale is completely ridiculous in the Bastille scene (and I love him so much for it)

A while ago I posted a comparison of Aziraphale and Crowley's costumes in the 1793 flashback in Good Omens and I wanted to add these little tidbits. (Because they haunt me.)

I feel like most people know this but IF YOU DON'T, Paris in 1793 is right in the middle of something called La Terreur.

HISTORY LESSON If you didn't learn this in school the French Revolution was when, after years of escalating social tension, a coalition representing the working classes of France revolted against the monarchy, violently overthrew King Louis XVI, and declared France to be a republic.

The new National Convention governing France ruled that King Louis XVI and his wife Marie Antoinette were traitors to the people of France because of how they had spent ridiculous amounts of money on luxuries for themselves while vast numbers of the lower classes were literally starving to death. (keep the bold in mind - wealth and class disparities were one of the key causes of the whole-ass revolution)

In 1793 (year of the flashback) both the King and Queen were executed by guillotine for their crimes.

This kicks of something called The Reign of Terror (La Terreur if you want to be French about it). A multi-year-long period in which the National Convention goes on a bloody witch hunt for any and every member of the middle or upper classes who could even possibly be considered a traitor by those same standards.

If you A) had money or privilege, and B) had ever used your money or privilege to treat yourself, you were getting executed. Over 25,000 people died during the Reign of Terror, half of them by guillotine. In fact, the iconic guillotine was used because it was physically impossible to keep up with the sheer number of people they were executing in Paris every single day.

Some things that could get you killed (actually and completely seriously) during the Reign of Terror:

Implying in any way you were sympathetic to the monarchy

Having a noble title

Having expensive things

Wearing expensive, luxurious clothes (*cough* AZIRAPHALE)

helping or sympathizing with anyone who did any of the above

a working-class person saying you were mean to them once

And then there's this bitch...

I AM NOBILITY PLEASE KILL ME So we have established that Paris in 1793 is in the middle of a frenzied, state-sanctioned bloodbath in which the working classes are massacring everyone even remotely nobility-adjacent. And in the middle of this frenzy, Aziraphale proceeds to roll up in Paris in this outfit:

How will this outfit get him killed? Let me count the ways...

First off- at this point everyone with even the tiniest shred of self- preservation is hiding the fact that they are in any way associated with the monarchy. The wealthy are straight-up abandoning mansions. The middle-class are plastering over decorations to make their house look 'poor'. The only people dressed remotely decent are the guys leading the National Convention and that's just because nobody can stop them. Everyone else is in 24/7 peasant cosplay or else they are covering themselves in cockades and sashes on to show they're pro-Republic.

Aziraphale is basically a giant shiny white sign saying I AM NOBILITY PLEASE KILL ME.

First off the lace jabot and lace cuffs are both associated with the old-school wealthy in the 1790's.

His coat is also decorated in gold braid and silver buttons, which are both marks of wealth and luxury.

He basically looks like he works for Louis XIV - not just rich, but old school rich.

We know it's his natural hair color, but hair powdering (with clay and starch) had been a big trend with the rich all throughout the 18th century to get that clean white venerable look . To someone who doesn't know it's natural, it would very much look like he's wearing hair powder.

He's wearing shades of cream and white, which are very hard to keep clean and clearly states that the wearer is rich and can afford the upkeep necessary to keep an outfit like that stain-free.

He's wearing white knee-breeches and stockings, also called culottes. See above about laundry and how rich you had to be to wear white, but also working-class men wore long pants like this:

A large faction involved in the Revolution were the Sans-Culottes (no-culottes aka we wear long pants LIKE GOOD OLD WORKING MEN). Culottes are specifically associated with everything the revolution hated. That's right - Aziraphale is literally wearing The Fanciest of Fancy Pants in a city where a group called The Men Against Fancy Pants are running around murdering people.

And then there are his shoes.

Oh god his shoes

I could do a whole post about Aziraphale's blessed little white satin pumps and how ridiculous they are.

Actually I might just do that because this is getting so long and I still have to talk about the brioche.

So I can't remember if it's in the script book or if it's from Neil Gaiman's tumblr, but it's apparently canon (?) that Aziraphale was going around in that outfit asking people where he could get crepes and brioche when he was arrested.

The Affair of the Brioches

So... uh... we've all heard the line attributed to Marie Antoinette- how when she was told that her people were starving because there was no bread left in Paris, she famously said...

It's morphed into 'let them eat cake', but the line is first recorded as, "Then let them eat brioches."

While it's unlikely she ever actually said it, the important thing is that... people in 1793 would have thought she said it. It was used as political smear to show how arrogant and out of touch the monarchy was. Marie Antoinette in particular was reviled by the people of France, who thought she was the main cause of their economic problems. That's why she was executed too.

Bread and brioche and the lines between poverty and privilege were a big thing in Revolutionary France. There was a lot of political connotation to what you ate. The French Revolution came about because of decades of suffering among the lower classes of France. It wasn't something that some dudes just decided to do. The people of Paris have been through years of the absolute worst, most oppressive poverty and starvation you can imagine, all while watching the rich throw money around crazy.

So let us recap.

Aziraphale is dressed so ridiculously posh that he looks like a joke parody of a nobleman... and he is bumbling around Paris during the Reign of Terror. Asking people. For brioche. How I imagine everyone looked at him:

It is so astoundingly tone deaf and tactless. He is basically cosplaying as Marie Antoinette and then going around asking the poor for cake.

I just.... Aziraphale. babygirl. no. oh no. You're lucky they even bothered to take you to prison. I am amazed Crowley ever let him live that down.

I have no conclusion other than this. Aziraphale is ridiculous and I love him so much.

YES YOU REALLY SHOULD SIR.

[bramblebeau]

Alright I told myself I wouldn't interact with fandom when s2 came out, and I haven't and don't plan to except to say this about people deciding Caitlyn is the Worst or that the writing is OOC.

As someone who has had a family member violently killed, I cannot stress how much it shakes up everything you thought you were and stood for. My beliefs in proportionate compassionate justice and the rights of all human beings are some of the strongest I have (stronger now because of the way that experience affected me personally), but they were pushed to the absolute limit when it came to an individual who had killed my loved one, showed no remorse, and laughed in our faces outside court, among other things.

People generally like to believe it wouldn't be them or their peace-loving family members being talked down from seriously considering violent revenge, consequences be damned. People like to believe they wouldn't lash out at people closest to them under that pressure, that they wouldn't build walls around the kindest and most sensitive parts of themselves because those parts are the ones feeling pain you never thought possible, that they wouldn't stalk the killer, make notes on all their family and friends, and fuck up their hands punching walls in anger wishing so badly it was flesh and bone because they can't handle the fact that there's no way to turn back time to stop it all from happening. People like to think they're "better" than that. But the reality is messy and painful as hell.

With Caitlyn, she has the added guilt of having actually had the opportunity to stop Jinx before she fired the rocket, but she hesitated just long enough for it to result in the deaths of her mother and other councillors and in the cities being plunged into chaos. Not only that, but the person close to her she's lashing out at is the person who caused her to hesitate, and just so happens to be the sister of the killer.

Furthermore, her behaviour is entirely in character. We have seen her set up as someone who becomes obsessed with achieving a goal and will do pretty much anything she wants to get there. In S1, we agreed with her methods because her goal was exposing and taking down Silco, and because it led to Vi being released. In S2, she's doing a similar thing but it's fuelled by fear and a type of pain she doesn't know how to deal with, rather than being fuelled by a need to prove herself and solve a case, and it leads to her making morally questionable decisions and to hurting Vi. She admits herself, albeit privately to Vi, that she does not know what she's doing and doesn't know how to fill this hole in her chest (and the hole in the city leadership). She has been sheltered from the real world for almost all her life, and as a result she has no experience of functioning or making decisions under this kind of pressure. The real world blew up in her face in the worst way and she was given power and a loaded rifle, and then shoved into an even more elevated position by a very experienced warlord who is manipulating the shit out of the whole situation.

I'm not saying that you have free rein to hurt people when you're grieving and facing extreme stress. (If you think that's what I'm saying then idk I'm not sure there's much hope for you in terms of critical thinking skills). What I'm saying is that Caitlyn is exhibiting pretty normal human behaviour that most people would be susceptible to in those circumstances, not the behaviour of someone who is some kind of heartless abusive bastard.

TLDR: Caitlyn is being written in a way that completely makes sense and is also not OOC, and if someone told me there would be no chance of them reacting in similar ways I simply would not believe them.

[wishfulsketching]

I think some people miss the fact that Silco loves as hard as he hates. After the fallout with Vander, he had no real friends left. The betrayal, which was not merely a repriortizing of ideals but an outright murder attempt that left him disfigured, may have actually pushed him to become a bigger zealot than he already was.

The betrayal led to hate, that goes without saying, but I'd argue that all of Silco's love also redirected from people (who cannot be trusted) to his ambitions (which cannot hurt him, at least not directly).

I think it's really telling that once Jinx entered his life, Silco loved her more than his ideals. If he had only loved her insofar as she was useful to him, Silco would not hesitate to give her up. We see this was not the case. And, after finally understanding Vander's perspective and likely ruminating on the irony of his impending death, Silco bore no ill will against Jinx accidentally shooting him in a fit of distress. Instead, he affirmed his love for her and tacitly forgives her.

This makes Silco's forgiving of Vander in the au timeline believable. If he found the letter or Vander apologized and told him that the violence was in a moment of passionate weakness, Silco would forgive him provided not too much time has passed to allow resentment to fester. Jinx in the original timeline proves that an abundance of love and forgiveness are in-character for him. He is in fact a character of tremendous extremes.

Sorry for sitting with this for a while, wanted to have the time to answer.

I think this is a very good analysis of Silco, yes. He was never perfect, most likely could be very intense about their plans for Zaun and maybe did not care about if Enforcers got hurt, but that is almost given. He lived in absolute misery and he had clear enemies.

The thing that really made me get Silco was when he was confronting Vander in s1. The way he says "for RESPECT?!" was so telling of his...well, whole deal, the way he looks to the side like he could not believe that Vander didn't get it. He was still fighting the fight but now with trauma! Yay!

I can see him being able to forgive but like you said, there should not be too much time in between the drowning and the forgiveness. The way Vander tried to drown Silco is so violent, I was so taken back by it when I first watched Arcane. It was so clear that Silco could not do anything when Vander got his hands on him, the power difference was too great. He was terrified

And even when Silco tried to escape, leave the situation, Vander attacked again. It's so...cruel?? And that is why I love it. I love how messy they are. They lived among violence their whole life so yes, what's a bit of murder between them if they just talk about it seriously after. And give time to each other.

It's just so juicy that the man who most likely protected Silco his whole life attacked him the cruelest way possible. AND. It gives some nice flavor for Vander. He might be a house wife but he can kill you

[piracytheorist]

So about that grenade pin...

On first glace, this is certainly a top-notch proposal scene. A spy and an assassin, who are hiding their identities from each other, arranging their marriage for mutual benefit while fighting criminals, and the proposal ring coming out of a grenade pin, followed by an explosion from said grenade behind them? It's so absolutely badass and fun and as wacky as the story goes.

But I also like over-analyzing this story and making that everyone's problem, so I would like to share with you my thoughts on the symbolism of that gesture.

1. It's unconventional.

Twilight's original plan was to use the diamond ring from the repossessed artifacts to propose to Yor. In his mind, he wanted to create a family that's as conventional as it gets, in the hopes that it won't attract too much attention. Losing that diamond ring is a sign by the narrative that there was actually no chance this family would be anything but extraordinary. A grenade pin is not only unconventional for a proposal ring, it's also the result of impulsive thinking, of using what he has on hand.

Over time, this family will cause Twilight especially to act more impulsive than he's used to. All three of them will also be able to be themselves within this family, without putting any acts - Yor has already started feeling more confident than what she started as. There won't be any need for fancy diamond rings, or for any part of the family to be the perfect husband, wife or daughter. They will feel free to be themselves and know that they won't be judged for their secrets.

2. It represents the life of violence both Twilight and Yor are living.

Being in dangerous situations, protecting themselves from such dangers, and killing people is by now second nature to both of them. Throwing a grenade at a group of thugs after them is nothing out of the ordinary for them. It's very fitting to connect that with the thing that brought them together - the mutual need for a cover spouse.

But it also represents a truth; Twilight lies to Yor about the reason why he's being pursued by murderous thugs, and Yor lies to Twilight about how she became so good with self defence tactics. There's a TON more violence in their lives than they let on. The grenade ring is kind of a symbol of all that violence they're hiding from each other, and almost like an admittance of it, from the narrative at least.

3. Despite its catastrophic nature, it's a gesture of defence.

Twilight might have stolen back the stolen art pieces, but getting shot at by the first thieves was not a fair retribution. Plus, they weren't shooting just at him, they were also shooting at Yor, without knowing for sure whether she was an accomplice or not. She did kick a few of them unconscious but neither that nor taking the art pieces back guaranteed the death penalty. So he was acting out of defence when he threw the grenade at the people shooting at him AND Yor. Yor, on her own, only attacked a thug when she saw he was directly targeting Loid, so she was also acting in (self) defence.

And this parallels the reason behind their motivation for their jobs; Twilight wants to stop a war from happening and to avoid all the pain and casualties brought by one, and Yor wants to stop violent people from causing pain to her family or other innocent people. It is dirty work, without any consideration of their own innocence and well-being, but it's one they do for someone else's peace and safety.

That's what that grenade did. It killed the thugs, but it kept both of them safe.

4. They match each other's freak.

I don't think I need to point out how downright wacky it is for someone to propose with a grenade pin. We joke like "If my significant other doesn't propose to me like this they shouldn't even bother" or something, and it's a good joke, but in reality we would be horrified to see someone pull a pin from a grenade, throw it at a group of people, then propose to us with that same pin while those people are being blown to pieces right next to us. We would also be horrified at the prospect of us being the person to pull the pin and propose like that.

Yet neither Twilight nor Yor find any of this weird in the slightest. Twilight doesn't hesitate for a second to use the pin as a proposal ring while he's reciting his vows to her, and Yor accepts it wholeheartedly and even looks at him with admiration, not even worrying about the fact that this near stranger is holding her hands in his - a kind of proximity that would normally cause a violent reaction from her.

Not only is neither of them weirded out by the whole situation, not only do they not suspect the other might find this whole thing weird... their inner thoughts even match here. Cause the main feeling in that moment, for both of them, is a kind of relief that their plan for a cover spouse was successful, much faster and much easier than anticipated, and a security that they don't have to fake their feelings to each other. Until Twilight's mission and Yor's real job do them part.

I can't be certain how much of all that was intentional, but it was fun looking for what that grenade pin could symbolize. And I'm always down for an excuse to go meta on this story :D

(anime only here, don't spoil me for the manga)

[jadeactuallysucks]

Idc what people say I loved seeing him a terrorist. He’s exactly how I would’ve imagined someone outside of his perspective seeing him

Also doing research on Azrael Angel of Death I can’t tell if he’s supposed to be a fallen Angel or just an Angel but I don’t know religion that well

More stuff I wanna say

With all of you chosen defenders out there saying it was dark who killed mitsi, nahhh we need A train Chosen, I’m calling him over during valentines. Ruin some relationships. Including yours. How is it not a surprise he kills people?He’s quite literally made to be a weapon with all the powers and violent tendencies.

And he was absolutely at fault for making dark a terrorist too no complaint about it. Very hedonistic ideology in which the two of them could do whatever they wanted. In which the world was their sandbox. Up to interpretation

Obviously I view chosen, especially my version of him, different than others. Some of you sickos are treating him nicely!!!!

Low-key mitsi didn’t need to be in the story at all. Just tweak a bit, and also the box would’ve been a lot more callous, instead of agent and victim hating chosen for killing their fridged gf, I would’ve loved the more controversial morals of victim hurting chosen for whatever justification he wanted to come up with. And like there’s too much of a pattern with killing off characters for the sake of plot. I think dark is a good exception cause he was a rabid dog and needed to be put down sorry dark lovers also not sorry cry

I liked that ambiguity, I know most people like stuff spelled out for them with backstories but I like mysteries cause that’s how fanart and fics can be made. Some stuff does need to be explained like how victim escaped and founded rocketcorp which I get.

Oh yeah agent 😛😛😛😛 smash smash smash I see why victim is on the bisexual dance floor he’s amazing. And I don’t need merc backstories, I can just guess he recruited work buddies or just buddies

First part and terrorism parts my favourite scenes, can’t wait for Ava 12 to make or break my interest haha. The box will forever remain my favourite episode the glaze is real

Oh my god victim getting tortured during the first scene. By far the best part (except chosen and dark) in the episode. Kicking and giggling seeing him get revived after being unsaved. I feel like it kinda one ups Chosen’s trauma so I definitely hope that stupid shit gets it worse than victim. Honestly this is the stuff I want left out. I want to imagine the pain he went through rather than see it. Cause even after that he still forgives his tormentor like a dog crawling back to its owner

Uhhh also I have a big complaint about women (sorry women) I don’t like the stereotypes. I don’t need to know they’re a women by the colour pink or long hair. But this is me screaming at a wall cause I watch the same thing kids watch and the main audience is children. I need more characters like blue. Where you can’t tell if they’re a girl or not and you don’t need to care cause they’ll be taking performance enhancing drugs either way

These were all made in the moment so yk agree to disagree. I can’t get myself to hate the episode like how other people manage to do. I guess it’s just cause I stuck around for a year to see this. And I’m sticking around 3 MORE SEASONS BABY

Also like this is a good day for multi fandom me. Al of the stuff I watch is getting new stuff. Like omg Ava, then walten files, then interloper and digital circus and prolly more but I can’t count as you can tell I can only count to four

[local-diavolo-anon]

i'm back!

ok so 2/3 days ago i found this youtube video where op turned Springtrap (or well, William Afton) into a fully build DnD character, and if i say so myself: things got out of hand fast

so here is my take on DnD Springtrap and specifically on that build (adding more infos under the cut for who is interested, i suggest to watch the video first)

starting with saying that unless you're playing in a scifi setting, this build is either not for you or to be modified, since in later levels spells are heavily centered around technomagic and electronic devices; personally when i will play him i will probably tinker around with the chosen spells and cantrips to make him less violently niche and/or more versatile

which kinda saddens me because it takes away not little of the characterization but, given most dnd stories take place in a medieval fantasy or high fantasy setting, a cantrip like On/Off or a spell like Remote Access are NOT particularly useful; so i will go for more psychic damage or necromancy oriented abilities, maybe i might take more than just 4 levels in artificier as well (especially given that again, all of those warlock spells at later levels are all technology oriented) but i need to see what those offer

however it is a kinda tank-y build given that with a shield on you can get up to a 27 of Ac, so even with low damage and not much hp you would not struggle too much to stay alive, and i like that!

as for the character himself, i put too much effort into my interpretation not to share it, so if anyone wants to play this guy as well, i fabricated a possible backstory that might come useful:

The character goes by the name "Dave Miller" (or whatever variant you want to use), and was originally a human artificier who created constructs for a living, mainly with the goal of offering aid to who needed it for whatever reason.

There however he ran into an issue, that being that a robot need a power source, and his own heart and lungs could not sustain a whole robot by themselves.

After losing part of his family to some kind of accident he became terrified of death, so with age he started replacing his own body parts with machinery to delay his last days (which made him a cyborg), until the point where he was very very close to become just a robot.

(This part may or may not involve a pact with a deity of death, this entirely depends on how you want to play him but it would make sense since the build is an artificier/warlock hybrid)

Through particular and very much not illegal experiments tied to necromancy he discovered that the life force of a living being could be shared, and used as a form of fuel. (possibly: age lived of the creature used= amount of extra months you get)

Here comes the second problem: this only worked with intelligent creatures, and more specifically, it worked best with creatures of your own race, which meant that he either went around murdering people or he found another solution. Non same-race creatures worked as well but not as good and there were not easy to find in the middle of a city and with a shop tied to your name.

And here is where and WHY he'd join a party of adventurers: after some time, his reserves or fuel were running VERY thin, and running into a group of adventurers was a god sent because by joining their party he essentially got a free pass to kill whoever he wanted, and reduce them to a dried raisin after sucking some life force out of them. Doing so you learn that the mowe powerful the creature is, the more energy it produces as well.

Your goal, that you as the player are following, when role-ing your character? essentially slay whatever powerful BBEG your Dm throws at you and suck all of that juicy fuel out of them, so that you can return to your little shop in the middle of the capital and return to create and sell whatever weird construct, doll, or robot comes to your mind for another few decades undisturbed.

And this is it. I think this might be a good backstory that could fit pretty much any setting you want to play this guy into, be it classic dnd or some scifi futuristic thing.

of course you don't NEED to use this one line per line, make up your own without looking back if you don't like it lol, dnd is the "make up shit and have fun" game after all!

Edit: also no his outfit makes no sense, i just went with vibes and decided a tanktop dress shirt, a twin tailed gilet and suspenders OVER said gilet was a good choice.

[roach-works]

ok im waffling on about fallout instead of having breakfast but i saw a criticism of how the prisoners were treated that's stuck with me.

spoilers!

so i think the criticism wasn't incorrect, per se: it condemned the way the show portrayed the vault dweller's naive intention to rehabilitate their murderous captives. it found fault with a common, and horrible, message that tv shows like to say, which is that carcerial violence and even the death penalty is the only effective way to deal with criminals, who are a fundamentally Bad category of human. im sick of that message too! but i think that wasn't what was going on here, actually.

so like, the vault dwellers had only ever experienced violent loss the once, and didn't really know how to cope other than denial and repression of the ordeal. but they were all hopeful and enthusiastic that their prisoners, the invaders that came to kill them all and take their stuff, could be eventually welcomed into the community as their comrades. the champions of this cause were nebbishy dorks and painfully out of touch academics. this is pretty normal for how prison reformers are portrayed, if extremely fucking annoying for those of us who ARE in favor of prison reform.

but so of course when the son of the former overseer, Norm, speaks up and suggests killing the prisoners, because why should they share resources with invaders who explicitly wanted to keep hurting them? why should they show mercy to their attackers? everyone is appalled by this suggestion. because they had to reinvent the whole concept of vengeance right then and there, because grudges and cycles of violence are anathema to a bottle society like theirs. they have been raised all their lives to forgive and forget and now, put to the test, they're recommitting to this ethos: get along, let the past go, look towards the future, believe the best of everyone.

but the prisoners die, anyway. the prisoners are killed with rat poison. and the thing is that Norm who suggested it didn't do it himself. and the prison guard who's blamed for it, even though she privately agreed with Norm that the prisoners are dangerous and unforgiveable, she didn't do it either. it's not a moment of triumphant, cathartic vengeance and it doesn't prove that there's no way to negotiate with terrorists and invaders but kill them like vermin because that's not what the message is meant to be.

the message is that norm stands there in the middle of these inconvenient prisoners, these corpses dressed in his own people's uniforms, and he looks at the new overseer. and he knows that she killed them, and she knows that he knows. she wanted him to know. this is her message and he's reading her loud and clear. and he doesn't look like a guy who's just been backed up by authority, who's just been validated in his desire for the ultimate control over those who have wronged him.

he's scared and pale and the music is ominous as fuck. and he's inside the cell, he's directly in the middle of it.

because what just happened is that he realized his entire society is being held prisoner, and the overseer is the one with the rat poison. and that he doesn't know, anymore, what freedom and safety and justice actually mean, just that he doesn't have them and he doesn't know where to find them.

that's what that scene meant. not that rehabilitative justice is a pathetic delusion of people who have no idea how to make hard choices.

but that before you advocate for killing prisoners, you might want to see how big that prison is, first.

and which side of the bars you're standing on.

[cressidagrey]

Lightning in the Bottle - Chapter 8

Summary: 

Eira Archeron was neither a Valkyrie, nor a Seer, nor the High Lady of the Night Court. She was actually pretty much useless. The only thing she wanted was to be somebody's first choice for once in her life.

Also known as: Azriel's shadows decide that if he doesn't treat his mate right... they'll just do it for him.

Warnings: Panic attacks, Nyx being adorable...

(super pretty dividers by @tsunami-of-tears)

Terror was clawing its way up her chest. Her heart…her whole body. 

And Eira was frozen in place, unable to move…unable to do anything…unable to…

They had appeared out of nowhere. Winnowing right in front of her, wearing these violently dark uniforms, knives and swords strapped to their forms. 

Not Illyrian fighting leathers. She had gotten used to these over the years. In a way, they had even become safe to her. Illyrian Fighting leathers reminded her of a male with dark bat-like wings, green eyes and the gentlest, scarred hands one could imagine. 

These…these were different. 

The shadows had screamed at her to run. 

So she had. She had clutched Nyx to herself, had lifted him out of that swing and had fled, knowing that she had no chance…

And then…then… screaming and terror…something inside her had given way. 

She didn’t know what. 

She didn’t know how. 

She just knew that when the first male grasped her arm…He only had time for one scream, before dropping to the floor…lightning crackled from her skin to him, forcing him down to his knees, Nyx screaming in her arms…

Number 2 had gotten the knife into her, the pain blooming with a sudden stab as the shadows managed to pull him back…

She had known then that that knife was going to be her death…

And then the magic had lashed out as she had gone down, shielding Nyx between her own body and the ground, the pain sparking inside her and making everything…everything growing hazy. 

The magic had taken over…

The lightning had snapped out from high heavens, hitting numbers three and four…and their screams…horrific …they were burned into her brain. 

*Eira. Eira, listen to me.* She knew that voice. 

She knew that voice. But Rhysand didn’t talk to her like that. Not that gently…not that worriedly. Not…like that. 

Mostly she just annoyed him. 

*It’s only a memory, nobody can hurt you,* he insisted. 

He was lying. Everything hurt. Everything was…

*Wake up.* He dragged her right out of it, back to…back to something else, back to…back to reality, back to her life, back to…

She woke up. 

And then the reality of the situation hit her and she vomited over the bedside, her chest caving in with her sobs.

She had killed three people. 

She had killed them. 

Not even on purpose, she had just wanted to get away, get Nyx safe…but she had killed them. With nary a thought…felled them with magic, with lightning that had crackled from her very fingertips, burnt them to a crisp like they were a piece of meat, not even a human being with friends and family and feelings…she had…

She had killed them. 

Nyx. Where was Nyx? 

“Nyx is fine. Not a scratch on him. Thanks to you,” Rhysand’s voice came again and she was still retching, still feeling bile rise in her throat…even when she felt the cool midnight darkness of his magic, felt him clean up the vomit with nary a thought…

She smelled snow and ice and lilac and pear and her eyes weakly lifted to find Nesta…her sister, reaching out for her, hovering, not daring to touch her. 

The tears came, a hysterical sob building in her throat. 

“I killed them,” Eira choked out. “I killed them.” She had ended 3 lives. She had murdered them, ended their lives, she had…

“You’re alright, it’s alright, Eira,” Feyre’s voice reached her, her sister’s soft hands, gently cradling her head, pulling her back to lay down properly, enveloping her in her arms. 

“I killed them. I killed them,” she whimpered, repeating the words, again and again and again. She had killed them. 

She hadn’t wanted to kill them. She had just wanted…she had just wanted…

“I know. I know you did,” Feyre whispered soothingly. “It’s alright.”

“You did what you had to,” Nesta said quietly, a warm hand rubbing her back as she clung to Feyre, clung to her little sister as tightly as she could, her hands fisting in Feyre’s shirt. “You saved Nyx’s life, you saved your own life, Eira. You did what you had to. Nobody is faulting you for that.”

She had killed them. 

“I didn’t want to kill them,” she choked out weakly, the sobs building in her chest so strongly, so harshly…

She hadn’t wanted to kill the. She had never wanted to kill anybody. She despised violence. She had never wanted to be in a position where she needed that. The war against Hybern had turned her stomach in more ways than one and she couldn’t…

“I know. I know,” Feyre promised her, as Eira’s tears wet her shirt, scalding against her skin. Eira couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t stop sobbing…the grief overcoming her. 

Grief for them and grief for herself. 

“I killed them!” she wailed, the noise bursting out of her throat, so harshly, so shocking, her whole body shaking.  

She could hear a growl, that just made her heart start racing in her chest, everything suddenly even more terrifying, suddenly, too much, too…

“Shhh, you need to breathe,” Nesta whispered.  But she couldn’t. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t. 

“That won’t help,” Rhys said quietly, his voice sounding far, far away…“She’s hysterical.”

*Eira,* his voice in her head but she couldn’t listen. *Eira. Listen to me.*

She couldn’t. 

She heard more voices but no words, and then…“Just three drops under her tongue…it should take away the worst.”

She didn’t know what it was…what kind of bitter-tasting liquid Feyre forced into her mouth…

Just that suddenly…Everything grew hazy around the edges. Unfocused. Fear blunted, everything blunted…her emotions far, far away from her…her sobbing far removed, as she weakly clung to her sister, thick, heady tiredness enveloping her. 

“There we go,” the same voice said softly. 

“Feyre?” her voice was thick in her mouth, not listening to her. 

“I am sorry,” Feyre apologised, her voice tearful and Eira struggled to open her eyes, failing. “I am here. It’s alright.”

“I am sorry,” she mumbled out. “I couldn’t protect Nyx. I tried.”

A soft gasp from Feyre, then…“You protected him. You protected him,” she promised her fiercely. 

She had? 

A shudder came over her body and she shivered, a whimper leaving her mouth. 

Suddenly she felt the brush of these shadows again at her wrist, a thick blanket being dragging over her form…it was…

“Just rest. It’s alright,” Nesta soothed her. “Just sleep. It’s alright.”

She wasn’t sure how long she slept…how long she slid back into the darkness that was welcoming and sweet and safe and sound, and everything that being awake wasn’t…

Eira blinked open her eyes again, to her room that was filled with sunlight. 

Tears still bit in the corners of her eyes. Especially when she found her sister sitting next to her quietly, holding her hand and staring out of the window. 

“Nesta?” her voice was rough with disuse and Nesta’s eyes immediately snapped to her. 

“How are you feeling?” Nesta asked immediately and she blinked back the tears, not wanting…not wanting Nesta to tell her that all of this was ridiculous and that Eira shouldn’t behave like a child. 

She already had done that, hadn’t she? When she had hysterically cried over everybody about her killing…

She forced herself not to think about this, because even just that made tears appear in her eyes. 

“Breathing hurts,” she said instead, a hand pressing against her ribs and hissing at the contact. 

Was that were…

“Madja left you a tincture against it. It will probably hurt for a few more days…the knife was poisoned,” Nesta answered gently. Gently? Nesta never was gentle. 

Some things just didn’t go together. Like her oldest sister talking to her gently. Nesta was forceful and blunt and not…gentle. 

The door opened and her head snapped around, tears immediately running over her face as she saw the little boy on her sister’s hips, wings fluttering excitedly. 

“Ra Ra!” he cheered. 

Not a scratch on him. Nothing. 

Unharmed. Not hurt, not…

Feyre brought him over, Nyx already holding out his hands for her and then throwing his arms around her neck as she breathed in that sweet scent of childhood that clung to him, closing her eyes as the tears leaked from them. 

“Oh Nyx,” she whispered, one hand coming up to curl into the shirt she had made for him, embroidered across the hem with little moons and stars…

“He was inconsolable,” Feyre said softly. “When you were…unconscious. He was so worried,” she said softly, a hand gently carding through her son’s thick midnight hair, and then reaching out to wipe away the tears from Eira’s face, as she buried her face against Nyx’s shoulder. “How are you feeling?”

“She says that breathing hurts,” Nesta reported.

“Madja left you something to take against that,” Feyre said quickly. But it was Azriel’s shadows that brought over a little potion bottle and tipped it against her lips so all she needed to do was to swallow as they poured it into her mouth. 

“Thank you,” she said weakly as they pulled back, the bitter taste a small price to pay for the relief against the burning pain that she felt near her heart. 

She caught the look her sisters exchanged and she couldn’t help but feel protective. 

“What?” she asked, wishing she could cross her arms but instead just able to press a kiss to Nyx’s brow, as he settled comfortably to cuddle with her. 

“Nothing,” Feyre said quickly. 

“Just…Since when do you have Azriel’s shadows doting on you?” Nesta asked, making a face that…

Feyre pulled a grimace. Probably about Eira leaving Azriel in peace. 

Eira was going to do that. But she couldn’t help it if his shadows wanted to hang out with her.  

“They came a few days ago. They are lovely. And they don’t dote on me,” she corrected Nesta quietly. “They just like to keep me company.”

“We…need to have a talk, Eira,” Feyre said quietly. 

She swallowed. She could just imagine what that talk would consist of. She didn’t want to have this talk. She didn’t want to…But she probably deserved it. Deserved whatever Feyre wanted to throw at her head. Whatever her sister had to tell her…

“I am so sorry,” Eira blurted out. 

Nesta stared at her like she had gone insane. 

“What? Why?” she demanded. 

“I shouldn’t have taken Nyx to that playground. And I should have been more careful and if you never want me to…” Feyre interrupted her before Eira could continue that tirade. 

She could understand if her sister didn’t trust her to watch Nyx anymore. It would break her heart, but she could understand it. She was supposed to protect him and she had failed. 

“You asked me if you could take him to that playground, Eira. I gave you permission,” Feyre cut her off. “None of this is your fault. Keir sent them to…to hurt Nyx. You did nothing wrong, Eira. Nothing at all,” her sister assured her with wide blue eyes. 

It just made her feel worse. “I should have…” she tried another feeble protest. She should have…

“What else could you have done, what you didn’t do?” Feyre challenged her sharply.  “You protected him, you took a knife to your heart so that he would be safe, Eira. What else could I possibly ask of you?” her sister demanded. “You did everything perfectly.”

And she had killed three men. 

It was still there, in the forefront of her mind. Always. 

“When you were unconscious…” Feyre said quietly, trailing off…”Rhys tried to take your pain away from you. It’s a skill he has since he’s a daemati. But he…he wasn’t careful enough and your mental shields were nonexistent…He got dragged into your memories.”

“What?” she breathed out, tears immediately burning in her eyes, just as embarrassment and shame burned into her chest. 

What had he seen? 

Had he seen…had he seen her fledgling little feelings for…Had he seen that? Something she wished she could protect with her life so that nobody was ever going to use that to tease her? 

She knew she had no chance, she didn’t need her sister's mate to tell her that either. She didn’t need him to know about any of this…couldn’t she at least have that? 

It was embarrassing enough without anybody knowing the full extent of it…without anybody knowing all the embarrassing little daydreams she had about him. 

“He’s really sorry,” Feyre said with a grimace. “He’ll tell you that himself, but we thought it was best not to overwhelm you…”

There was nothing she could do against it anymore, was it? It was done. Rhys probably had had a front-row seat to every single embarrassing and childish little daydream she had had about his brother and Eira was never going to be able to look him in the face again. 

She could probably expect another intervention, after Feyre’s and Elain’s. Just that this time it would be High Lord shaped and he would probably threaten her to leave his spymaster in peace otherwise she would also be shipped off to the House of Wind or something. 

“It’s fine,” she said weakly, instead. It wasn’t. But what else was she supposed to say? 

What else…

“It’s not his fault. He just wanted to help,” she tacked on to the end of it…and then, with a sudden realization… ”Where’s Elain?” she asked, staring at Nesta and Feyre who exchanged another look that she couldn’t read. What was going on?

“In Day Court with Lucien,” Feyre answered quickly. “That’s also something we would like to talk to you about.”

“What, why? Is she alright?” Eira demanded. Was it wedding stuff? Had something happened? 

If something happened, Elain was going to have a meltdown. Or rather another one. Another one that was going to make her get huffy about lilies look like children's play.  

“She’s…She’s fine,” Nesta said, her tone clipped. “It’s…complicated.”

“What’s complicated?” Eira asked sharply. Nyx whimpered against her, and she dropped her voice. “What happened?”

“When Rhys saw your memories,” Feyre said carefully. “He saw…how horrible everybody has been treating you,” she said in a whisper, staring at Eira with tearful eyes. 

“What?”  How who had been treating her…what exactly did Rhys see? 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Nesta asked sharply.

“Say what?” Eira asked, not understanding what they meant. What was there problem? What has she done? 

“Why didn’t you tell us how you were feeling, Eira?” Feyre repeated, her voice soft…coaxing. “Why didn’t you tell me what…Why didn’t you tell me how horrible everybody was treating you? Why did you just suffer that all in silence? I am so sorry.”