#makes me soooooo angry

[itspileofgoodthings]

the stew addition is disrespectful to eowyn’s character and I hate it

[ellie-shy]

I get it. I understand Lucanis now. I understand him. So. Much.

I just finished his quest Inner Demons and locked into his romance. And I cried. I legit cried while doing his personal quest. Because I felt it. It felt so personal, to Lucanis, and to myself.

I'm gonna pour my heart out under the cut because Lucanis has just ranked up so high into one of my favourite fictional characters ever. And that means a lot to me.

When I played my first playthrough (and of course avoiding spoilers) I saved Minrathous. And I was devasted to see how Treviso looked in the aftermath. Then, Lucanis was hardened. I know that there will be consequences with Luc's arc but I was not sure what it will be. So, after finishing the other companions' personal quest and getting the Hero of Veilguard for everyone... except Lucanis. I really thought after defeating Illario I would get the Hero status with him, but nooooo. Only after finishing the main quest, I got it. But, I felt something was... missing. Something was missing with Luc's arc, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Thus, I finished my first playthrough.

Understandable, I did hardened Lucanis. But it got me so curious... what was it that's missing in Lucanis's personal questline?

Then I made my dear dwarven Grey Warden warrior Rook : Juliet Thorne, to romance him.

And I finally got to the Inner Demons quest, a quest that I never done before (and also tried so hard to avoid spoilers before doing it 😂).

Hold my hand while I confess this. I cried. I really cried when doing Inner Demons. This is what I was missing in my first playthrough?? Helping Lucanis escaped from his inner prison???

Inner Demons felt so personal. Like deeply personal. My Rook is actively involving herself into Lucanis's deep and personal thoughts. And you know what made me cry even more? This quest felt personal to me too.

I also understand Spite now!!! Why he wants OUT!! He didn't just want to go out in the world through Lucanis, he can't even go out of the Ossuary that Lucanis has made for himself, his own turmoil and guilt 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I get it now 😭 Oh God do I get it now (still crying btw).

Spite wanted to go out and it knows that they aren't in the Ossuary anymore, but why does Spite keep seeing the Ossuary? That is what made Spite so frustrated! Until Spite was desperate enough to ask for Rook's help because Spite knows, Rook "opens doors, never closing them" 😭 Spite knows the only way to get through Lucanis, is through Rook.

Lucanis, has made a giant wall to protect himself from everyone. Including Spite. He self-isolates, to the point of pushing Rook away. But he didn't mean it. Lucanis has a heart of gold. He is kind, he remembers my Rook's chocolate drink, he cooks for everyone, he considers Emmrich's vegetarian preferences, he buys things for the team, he isolates himself in the pantry because he doesn't want to cause trouble to anyone. He is a selfless bastard that's willing to sacrifice his happiness and comfort for everyone around him. Why? Because he thinks he doesn't deserve it. 😭 This mindset has developed after years of trauma. Years of training and torture... so he can be perfect. If he can't be perfect (which is the very high standard and expectation that he has set for himself), then he can never have happiness. At least that's what he thought. And I get it, because I have this trauma too.

This is why he punished himself so much. He was rescued by Rook and lived, but has a demon inside him. His city is saved, but at the cost of Neve's city. He made a god bleed, but didn't kill the god as per the contract. He killed Zara, his abuser, but he was devastated that Illario, his family, was involved. Every single time, everytime Lucanis thought he had a moment of victory/happiness, it will be at the cost of another he cared for. And he punished himself again, and again. Trying so hard to solve his own problems without involving anyone, and never asking for help. And that's why he pushed Rook away, he can't lose another person he cared for. Because he is such a selfless man!

I felt this, his trauma, fear and anxiety, I can relate with Lucanis. This feeling will eat you from the inside. It will make you develop a sense of self-hate, low self-esteem, not being satisfied with everything you have done and etc etc. It will drown you, literally, within your own spiral of self-hate. I cried while playing the Inner Demons quest, because it felt so personal to me too, as if I'm drowning again. But visualizing it with Lucanis this time. And hey, the Ossuary is an underwater prison. Lucanis is drowning.

And it's hard, you know. Because you will feel like no one is gonna help you other than yourself. Yet, you can't even save yourself. Lucanis couldn't save himself.

Until Rook.

The way that Lucanis just kept pushing her away, but my Rook just kept breaking down every single wall he built. Reassuring him, acknowledging him, supporting him, validating him, every step of the way. Rook didn't give up on him. Rook cares for him, so deeply. And nothing can stop her from reaching to Lucanis. Lucanis was so scared to lose Rook, or something would happen -- but Rook knows, it's gonna be okay.

I cried again because... to have someone like Rook, who willingly bring down every wall you make, carefully guiding you out of the place that's drowning you... that's special. That's very special. Rook is so special to Lucanis. Whether he was romanced or not, Rook is special. I was so happy for Lucanis, he has found someone, that will bring down his walls, that rescued him from drowning, that reassures him that he is enough. Because he is enough. And he will be okay.

This quest is so personal to me. Lucanis is a fictional character that resonates with me, so deeply. I understand him better now, because I see myself in Lucanis, and the experience he has been through are so similar with mine irl (minus being possessed ofc haha). It felt so validating, knowing that I am not alone. But don't worry about me, I'm in my own healing journey too <3 The moment I bawled my eyes out was when reading his thoughts fragments. My actual thoughts that time was "why does these thoughts sound so much like mine?".

Now I finally understand what was missing in my 1st playthrough. Knowing Lucanis, he built a wall to Rook, because he just lost his city. He has to put his guard up to Rook because he knows, no one will save him. Eventhough, in the end, he does trusts Rook, but not enough to bring his walls down. And that's valid, because I would do the same.

This is what makes his romance so meaningful and deep. He is vulnerable to a romanced Rook. He trusts Rook wholeheartedly. Literally, placing his heart on his hands and presenting it to them. Rook freed him from his inner demon (which was actually, himself), and guess what happens next? Lucanis would literally worship the ground Rook walks on. Let me tell you something, to achieve this level of trust in a relationship with someone like Lucanis, is otherworldly. I can't explain how meaningful Rook is to Lucanis. Perhaps even Rook wouldn't know how important they are to Lucanis. Only Lucanis knows how much Rook means to him. And me, the player.

Lucanis is a man that's going to treat you right. He would cook for you, he would take care of you, he would waste his time with you, he would do anything you ask. He would live for you, he would die for you, he would kill any gods you ask to keep you safe. His words and actions carry weight. Lucanis is indeed a passionate man, but his passion is only for the person that deserves it... a romanced Rook.

This is such an emotional post, but I just want to express how this short 'outing' quest means a lot to me. I won't go into detail on how much similarities I have with him. Just let me say this, I see myself in Lucanis Dellamorte, and I'm happy that I'm not alone going through the journey of healing my inner self.

Let me be hopeful, that one day, I will find my own Rook <3

[bodega-catto]

If you’re so funny,

then why are you on your own tonight?

And if you’re so clever,

then why are you on your own tonight?

If you’re so very entertaining,

then why are you on your own tonight?

If you’re so very good looking,

why do you sleep alone tonight?

[isa-ah]

making a fursona is fun but getting to retire an old traumatized time capsule of yourself and make a new, happy, grown version of yourself is so fuckin nice.

[fishnchip3011]

everytime i actually open up sdv to play i get flashbanged with sebastian's white ass sprites because i always forget not everyone sees him as wasian💔 my current hc for him is half chinese (liable to change... but ik for sure he's half asian) but he is Not bilingual he can't rly speak or write the other language he can only understand it when listening but even then he's not very fluent LOL this is just turning into a sebastian hc post might as well go full out. to me sebastian Does have relationship experience but has been thru shitty ones in the past which is part of the reason why he's so pessimistic & brooding </3 and he'd hook up with ppl in zuzu city for a night for a while but it just made him feel shittier so he's stopped since ☝️ also people make him out to be way cooler than he actually is like yea sure he's kinda cool but he's also a Massive Loser especially when he tells you how he hates "seasonal fads" like pumpkin spice and that one line about the potluck soup where he's like "Why ruin the potluck? Hmm... I guess some people feel liberated when the rigid structures of society break down a little. Maybe I'm weird.” WHO ASKED😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 his ass also can NOT cook he can make spaghetti but it's mid. he probably has low ass stamina and yeah he's tall and lanky (rn i see him as around 5'9-5'10) but you could snap him in half over your knee. when he's in an actually healthy relationship he gets really flustered over certain romantic gestures cuz he's not used to feeling valued or being considered someone's #1. he picks up on little things and does acts of service but i also think he can be really callous and insensitive at times because while he can be pretty perceptive he is also Very Emotionally Stunted. he unlearns lots of unhealthy behaviors & mindsets with the help of his partner & family & friends ^__^

[skitskatdacat63]

I really hate how twt makes it impossible to rly look back at your acct past a certain date. Like when I wanna re-live the glory days of some past fandom on tumblr, I can go back on my archive. On twitter? You're fucked imo.

Man, I just wanna look back at my acct to see the fanart I reblogged when some specific genshin pv came out, but it's basically impossible. It makes me wish I downloaded a lot more art/fanart in general, bcs its so hopeless atp :/

[luvscharlos]

was busy all day today & just watched the race. im DEVASTED & angry to say the least

[cha-lii]

can someone cast deborah aryorinde and ayo edibiri as sisters in something please they look so fuckin alike it’s wild

[snickerdoodlles]

Big is older than Kim so now he accidentally has a little brother. Someone send this child to bed and make him eat his vegetables. He’s not concerned, he just needs Kim in top shape for bitching and murder!!

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I don't see that personally? Kim does have ultimate little brother energy. he is THE baby of the family. Porsche sees him and goes "oooh new brother" in 2 seconds flat while Kim sputters confusedly in the back. I have a group of college seniors and peers who adopted the shy lonely angry kid in mind for Kim always, and Tortoise and I once came up with a whole roster of old/older neighbors on Kim's floor who dote on him. he just has that vibe 🤏

but Big doesn't have a caretaker bone in his whole body. not even caretaker cartilage. he's one of the best protectors! but he doesn't read as a caretaker to me.

I do think that of all the bodyguards, Big's the only one who doesn't mind Kim duty (he sat through like two sittings of Kim grilling him on Kinn's security before he realized Kim just wants Kinn safe and hey, he wants that too!). I think he does also want Kim safe, but that's mostly rationalized as wanting Kinn's-little-brother-whom-Kinn-deeply-cares-for safe vs any specific feelings he himself holds for Kim, and it doesn't really come out in the form of Big looking out for Kim's personal or day-to-day well-being, but rather Big helping Kim scheme and snoop. and I think of all the guards, Big is the only one Kim can stand (except for maybe, maybe Arm too, only on account that Khun really likes him and he's a decent enough informant) (Porsche doesn't count as a guard, obvs, which is something Big agrees with him on though their reasonings are different). I think that shoving them together has lots of fun opportunities for them to realize they actually respect and even kinda like the other, I just like even more when they don't have the faintest clue what to do with it. talk to each other? increased interaction? admit it? fuck no.

also it's just really funny to me if these two (emotionally repressed idiots) are in their weird limbo of not being able to label their feelings on That-Guy-I-Definitely-Don't-Care-About-But-Kinda-Respect-And-At-Least-Don't-Want-Dead (a high compliment considering their lifestyle tbh, not that they mean it that way either), then someone (read: Khun) drops the bomb "awww you made a friend!" on Kim.

Kim: what the fuck?! no I didn't! hold on, I'm texting Big this bullshit right now

(Big: what the fuck you are not my friend???

Kim shoving his phone in Khun's face: SEE!!!)

[passionatememes]

i fully believe that the first three episodes of arcane are maybe the best written tragedy in tv ever

[itsays]

doctor changed my meds again and for the first time ever im using one of those really mainstream antidepressants people make memes of. i go look for the side effects and turns out it might be the worst antidepressant in the history of psychiatric medication and that's like. really hard to achieve because they all suck

[mxdotpng]

i really do appreciate that klaus like can and has gotten angry before but chooses not to show it almost every time. like forcing himself to be calm in every situation. the only times i can think of him actually expressing his anger is the gag scene about his plants, and the finale of s1 when leo goes missing for that short period of time & his gps went off. and honestly he didnt even really let himself be angry then -- one punch and the doctor had been destroyed. i guess its really the only option he has when everyone views him as scary or threatening, but its also such an obviously conscious decision on his part because he doesnt want to be scary. and he's so sweet that it balances out.

[dreampearls]

I love collei so much but it should be noted. the collei that I love is the completely fake ideal version of her that only exists inside of my head

[didhewinkback]

i have to stop going on twitter if i see one more of those nostradamas tweets i will lose it

[todayisafridaynight]

day 8000 of me wanting the aoki plush in my hands so i can subject it to cruel and unusual punishment

[hellfireeddiemunson]

sick of making plans with a specific friend only for her to not reach out abt actually hanging out until the afternoon after i’ve waited all day to hear back from her or for her to just cancel last minute entirely after i’ve again waited all day to hear back from her