#make the abusers of power fear for their lives | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

uvobreakmylegs · 7 months ago

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A Rock and a Hard Place

Hisoka comes across a wayward darling

Hisoka x reader (with tiny bits of Chrollo x reader)

Warnings: gore, blood, graphic depictions of violence, murder, asphyxiation, kidnapping, manipulation, abuse, mentions of captivity, mentions of potential noncon

Word count: 10.8k

Dusk had long since fallen when Hisoka boarded the train alongside a dozen others, some already looking weary as they anticipated a long and boring journey that would take over the next few hours, and others not looking as bothered as their stop wasn't too far away.

Hisoka was among the group that would be on the train for a while; his destination was several hours away across the Saherta border, and as the magician settled down in an open seat, his unhappy mood could be seen by anyone as he leaned his head against the headrest.

Today had been a disappointment.

He thought he'd found an interesting fighter, as whispers of a formidable man within the Irnamur region had reached his ears. A man who was able to manipulate parts of his own body and turn his flesh and bones into blades or claws or whatever he saw fit, in essence turning himself into a living weapon. Someone like that should've been a worthy opponent, one who would give Hisoka that thrill he constantly sought when he found nen users who were exceptional.

It turned out to be a farce.

The instant Hisoka revealed himself the man ran away, and once he had been cornered, the man begged for his life and explained that his power wasn't what it seemed: he couldn't actually manipulate his body into weaponry, the only thing his ability could do was make his victims see what he wanted them to see, and all of it was just a scheme to con non-nen users out of their jenny and to keep them from going to law enforcement when he threatened them. He'd never intended on someone actually proficient in nen to confront him.

The sight of the con artist crying and begging for his life combined with the fact that he had pissed himself from fear had Hisoka's mood hit rock bottom, and he left the man where he was, though not before taking one of his cards and slicing it through the man's eyes for wasting his time. The magician left the pathetic man writhing on the ground as he clutched at his bleeding face.

Hisoka pulled out his phone to scroll through it as he waited for the train to start moving, other passengers walking by and not sparing more than a glance in his direction as they looked for their own places to sit. The type of clothing he usually wore normally turned a lot of heads, but since Hisoka had his hair down without his makeup and was dressed in a casual outfit of hoodie and jeans, he was easily able to blend in with the rest of those on board.

In a few hours, he would have returned to the place he currently called “home”, and from there he could forget about this whole incident. Hopefully the next individual to pique his interest would be someone more worthwhile of his time.

Or perhaps he might see Chrollo again.

At the thought of the illusive leader of the Phantom Troupe, Hisoka opened up his text messages. Machi was usually the one who contacted him when the troupe was meeting up, and though there weren't any new messages from her, he wanted to get a look at the last time she had gotten in touch.

It was a few months ago, he saw, looking at the date next to the message she had sent. It was hard to tell based on that alone when the troupe would reconvene. He could easily receive a message tonight telling him to meet the following week, or it could be several more months before he would hear anything in regards to a new job. While Hisoka could message Machi to ask about any upcoming work, she never responded to any of his texts. And ultimately, it was useless to ask her as the only one who knew for certain what would be coming next was Chrollo.

All Hisoka could do was wait for the next message to be sent.

Placing the phone back in his pocket, he couldn't help but let out a disappointed sigh as he settled into his seat, staring out at the window next to him while a majority of the other passengers were still milling about. He could always see if Illumi was up to anything interesting, he noted to himself.

A few minutes later the train began to move, and as the speed steadily picked up and the moon shown down on the grassy plains outside the window, Hisoka closed his eyes as he decided to rest a little during the journey.

Unfortunately, only a few miles in his rest was interrupted by one of the worst things anyone could encounter on public transport:

A crying toddler.

Though it sounded more like wailing and screaming, and the sound of the child's voice carried throughout the entire train car while the child's parents seemingly did nothing to try and console them. Perhaps they allowed the child to continue as they were just to give everyone else a taste of what they dealt with on a daily basis.

Hisoka was inclined to say that he could tolerate quite a lot and was generally unbothered by such things, but today he didn't feel quite as patient this time, finding himself becoming more than a little irritated at all of the noise. When the child continued to cry for a period of several minutes without any sign of losing breath, Hisoka felt that his limit had been reached. He got out of his seat, grabbed his bag and walked into the aisle as he headed for the car behind him.

Once the door shut and the crying could no longer be heard, Hisoka let out the smallest sigh of relief, happy that the enclosed area between the cars was largely quiet, as was the next car he walked into. The new problem he now faced was that there was no room for him there, with all of the seats being taken up, and so he continued to the next car only to find a similar situation.

When he made his way for a third car was when there was something that was slightly of note: a man standing in the area between the carriages was making a phone call. The brunette with messy shoulder length hair looked over to him when the door opened, then turned away, his voice becoming a bit more hushed while Hisoka took the time to close the door behind him.

“They haven't noticed anything,” Hisoka overheard the man say.

Though the magician was barely paying attention and already halfway towards the next door, having walked by the man on the phone without even a second glance. His focus was on the widow that lead to the next car. That one didn't seem to be as full; hopefully there would be no screaming children in-

“Yes, Chroll – uh, I mean, Mr. Lucilfer.”

The utterance of that name had Hisoka stop in his tracks, and he looked back to the man on the phone who was currently nodding along to whatever was being said to him.

The likelihood of anyone other than the Chrollo he knew being on the other end of that line was less than one percent.

It wasn't as though it was a common name.

Hisoka stepped to the side, pulling out his own phone and acting as though he was also there to make a call so as to avoid arousing suspicion from the other passenger. Putting the phone up to his ear, the magician glanced back again to the man, who was speaking again.

“The train got a little delayed at the last station, but they didn't seem concerned when I last checked on them,” he said, “as long as there aren't anymore delays, we should pull into Merchester at 9:30 – er, 21:30.”

The man's voice was even more hushed when he next asked “you'll have it with you when we get there, right?”

Whatever was being said now, Hisoka couldn't hear. A shame. He really wanted to know what Chrollo was telling him. But with the distance between them, Hisoka heard nothing and watched on as the man was nodding along again.

What exactly did Chrollo want with him?

Hisoka looked away, still acting as though he was waiting for a call to get through while he wondered over what exactly was going on. To his knowledge, Chrollo would on occasion hire random people for jobs, usually ones that he knew he could control by offering them large sums of jenny. The reason the boss did such things tended to be that the tasks were simply too menial to bother the other members of the troupe with, but sometimes there was purpose beyond that.

As he was only able to hear one half of the conversation, it was hard to tell why exactly this man had been chosen by Chrollo. Or why Chrollo was in contact with him to begin with.

Only a few moments later, the man had put away his phone and was heading into the car Hisoka had been heading for. The magician felt the man's gaze in his back as he passed by, though that ended when Hisoka began to speak, acting as though his call had finally gotten through. The man left shortly after that, not saying a word.

Waiting a few moments after the door slid shut, he took a step back and looked into the next car through the window, watching as the man walked down the aisle.

He caught the moment when the man turned his head to look at someone sitting in one of the seats towards the middle of the car. Even from his vantage point, Hisoka was able to note that the man gave that person an encouraging smile before he continued along his way. Despite not knowing exactly what was happening, the magician was intrigued.

If it involved Chrollo, he wanted to know more.

When the man had reached the end of the car and taken his own seat was when Hisoka entered. Now luck was on his side as there were plenty of open seats available. Better yet, the area where the man had paused moments before seemed to be free of people, with the exception of the person the man had looked at, of whom Hisoka could only see the top of their head from where he currently stood.

The disappointment that had weighed him down when he first got onto the train was now forgotten as Hisoka walked forward, curious as to what exactly he had stumbled across.

He continued until he neared the point where the man had stopped, and then he saw you.

Hisoka's first thought was that you were unremarkable.

The second was that you looked tired as you leaned against the window, clutching a backpack you had resting on your lap. There was a slight frown on your face and your eyes seeming distant as you looked out at the landscape that went by. Though you weren't as distracted as you appeared to be as you turned your gaze towards him once you realized he was there, and it was impossible to miss the guarded look in your eye.

Hisoka acted as though he didn't notice while he took a seat in the row opposite you. Your gaze stayed on him for a few moments longer while he set his bag on the seat next to him, and from the corner of his eye, he saw the way your eyebrows furrowed. As if you were trying to remember where you had seen him.

Oddly enough, the magician had a strange feeling as though he had seen you before as well.

Hisoka kept his eyes on the phone that he pulled out once again until he sensed that your gaze had shifted once more, and when he looked back, he found you staring out the window again. Though you didn't seem to be a nen user, you were aware enough to keep an eye on your surroundings, glancing around your general area every now and then, although the glances may not have been as subtle as you thought they were.

Leaning back into his seat, Hisoka mused about you, still uncertain about the whole situation. You were clearly nervous, looking up at everyone who occasionally walked past you and acting guilty just sitting in your seat. Almost as though you were expecting someone would eventually show up and you would need to make a run for it.

“They haven't noticed anything”

The words the man spoke earlier came to mind, and now he wondered: did you even know you were being taken to Chrollo? It was hard to tell based on that alone, but your behavior combined with what he had overheard earlier made it seem like a possibility.

But what for?

Did this have to do with the troupe? Under normal circumstances Hisoka may have thought that was the case, but he had actually showed up to the last meeting and there had been no mention of bringing anyone in. And as far as he knew, there hadn't been any meetings after that one, so he didn't think he had missed anything.

If it wasn't for the troupe, then perhaps it was personal reasons.

But what sort of personal reasons could Chrollo have that involved you?

Hisoka kept an eye on you. And the longer he did so, the more the nagging feeling that he had definitely seen you before grew on him.

Minutes passed by with nothing happening; you didn't move from your seat, the man hadn't checked in on you, and the cogs in Hisoka's mind were still turning as he tried to understand what exactly was going on. Your gaze was still on the view outside, dark circles beneath your eyes while you listlessly watched through the window.

That expression on your face….. He had definitely seen it before.

But where?

The answer to that question continued to elude him.

Then half an hour went by. As much as he wanted to ask you for details on what was going on, he chose to keep quiet for now, waiting to see if your companion would join you at any point and he might learn a bit more about what was going on that way. So Hisoka kept an eye on you while you grew more tired, becoming less alert as time went on. Still, you fought to keep alert, shaking your head every now and then as if to keep the sleepiness out of your brain. Your companion stayed where he was.

After minutes of nothing happening, Hisoka checked his phone for the time. In less than an hour, the train would reach Merchester, your apparent destination where Chrollo was waiting for you.

At that point your companion moved, getting up from his seat with his phone in hand as he walked by where you sat again. While you didn't say anything to him, the two of you made eye contact as he passed by. You gave him a hopeful smile which he returned, and as he walked back to the area between the cars, you seemed a bit less tense, like a wave of relief had washed over you as you leaned further into your seat. In doing so, a bit of your clothing shifted, allowing Hisoka a clear view of your neck. From where he was sitting, Hisoka could clearly see the markings on your skin. The discolored blotches that decorated your neck and went up too high for you to cover completely. Hickeys that had been left in such a way so you couldn't cover them up.

You were very aware of that fact, as only a moment later you sat up straight, your hand going to cover your neck while you nervously glanced over at him. Hisoka once more feigned obliviousness, and while you did relax slightly, you were back to how you had been when he had first entered the car: tense and on guard.

When your hand finally left your neck, you wrapped both of your arms around your backpack while you turned your head downwards, and in that moment, there were two very clear emotions coming through in your body language and the look he could see in your eyes:

Shame and helplessness.

And with that, a memory returned to him.

He was right. He had seen you before.

Back at Heavens Arena.

The elevator on the 200th floor had stopped for him, and much to the magician's surprise, Chrollo had been standing in the car. Two others were there as well: Shizuku, and you. You were standing in the far corner with your head facing down with one broken arm hanging in a sling. Though Hisoka barely noticed either of you when he stepped through the elevator doors as he was much more interested in how he had managed to run into Chrollo so unexpectedly.

The two members of the troupe seemed just as surprised to see him, and while Chrollo had given the magician a polite greeting, Shizuku ended up carrying on what became a conversation regarding Hisoka's history at the tower, which then managed to transition into a discussion about make-up and how well the brand he used lasted in fights. Since there had been no way to get to Chrollo in that moment, Hisoka had obliged, the time during the long ride down being the longest he had ever spoken to her.

All the while Hisoka felt taunted by the fact that Chrollo was right there and he couldn't do anything about it.

He'd noted that something felt a bit off about Chrollo, however. While Shizuku seemed to be acting normal enough, it felt as though something was simmering beneath Chrollo's cool exterior. Something that possibly resembled anger.

You went largely unnoticed by him still, and if he had bothered to think much about you, Hisoka's only assumption would have been that you just happened to get onto the elevator before the other two did.

So it was a surprise when the instant the elevator finally reached the ground floor Chrollo reached back to take the hand of your uninjured arm and lead you through the doors. The way he had grabbed you had also been far more forceful than he ever would have expected from the Phantom Troupe leader.

Your eyes met his for a moment when you glanced over as you passed him, and the emotion he saw in them was that of pure misery.

“Who is that?” Hisoka had asked Shizuku as Chrollo led you away.

“Someone boss is invested in,” she replied.

“Is he? He doesn't seem very happy with them.”

Shizuku simply shrugged in response.

While he had gotten the sense she was withholding information, he ultimately didn't care about you. Hisoka assumed that you were part of some smaller scheme being carried out by a few select members of the troupe; perhaps a hostage or someone being carted off to Feitan for information. Either way, you weren't important.

Or so he had thought.

Because here you were all this time later, still alive and on your way to Chrollo.

Chrollo, who, as Shizuku had said, was invested in you. And if boss really was the one who had made those marks on your neck, the reasons he wanted you were more personal than he initially realized.

They haven't noticed anything

The man's words from earlier replayed in his head as he put all of the information together and Hisoka smirked to himself as he now understood what was going on:

This was a runaway attempt by an unwilling lover, one in which you had reached out to someone that you thought was outside of Chrollo's sphere of influence. But your trust had clearly been misplaced as the man had sold you out, and now this escape of yours was going to end in tragedy once you stepped off the train and found your kidnapper waiting for you.

If it stayed the current course, that was.

Hisoka collected his bag as he stood back up.

You looked up immediately when he did that, and when Hisoka tossed his bag across the way and sat down in the seat opposite yours, worry overtook you. You sat up straighter still, clutching at your backpack while you looked him over, trying to figure out what was going on.

The look of worry on your face only worsened when he smiled at you.

The two of you stared at each other for a few moments before you finally spoke up.

“Do you need something?” you asked, though you kept your voice down, likely for the sake of not drawing attention to yourself.

“Not especially,” he answered, also keeping his voice low as he continued with “I wanted to sit here.”

“Weren't you already sitting?” you asked, your brow going up as you looked at him suspiciously.

“I decided to move over here. Is that so strange?”

“This late in the journey? Yeah, it is.”

You kept your eyes on him for the most part, though he noticed the quick glances about you, like you thought someone else would come and trap you.

“I thought you could use some company,” Hisoka said, “you seem rather lonely.”

“I'm not,” you answered, “I was actually enjoying being by myself.”

“Ah. I misread the situation, then.”

“Guess so,” you said, “you can go back to your original seat.”

“No.”

Hisoka made a point to sink lower into the seat as he said “I'm comfortable now, so I think I'll stay.”

You didn't look happy when he said that, and you looked toward the aisle, seemingly in the hopes that your companion would come by and help you. Unfortunately for you, the man was nowhere to be seen, and so you stayed where you were for now, your eyes darting back and forth as you tried to figure out what to do in this moment.

Hisoka was in the same boat in that regard, questioning on if he should reveal the scheme you were caught up in now and see your reaction or if he should play with you a little bit longer.

The combative look in your eyes had him choose the latter.

“What has you traveling this late?” Hisoka asked.

You didn't answer.

He ignored that fact as he continued with “you don't look as though you're traveling for leisure. Are you meeting up with someone? Is it family? Friends?”

Once more you didn't reply.

Hisoka's lips curled into a smile as he then asked “boyfriend?”

Although you continued to remain silent, he saw the subtle reaction that word brought out of you. A brief stiffening of your facial features before the slight frown on your lips set in just a bit deeper, your eyes glaring at something invisible in the space in front of you while you clutched at your backpack just a bit tighter.

“Ah, so that's who you're going to see, is it?” Hisoka asked, smiling good naturedly as he added “though it's a bit of a shame for me. I was hoping I might have a chance with you.”

You rolled your eyes while you scoffed, now looking more annoyed.

“That's a pretty rude reaction,” he said.

“It's also pretty rude to keep bugging someone after you learn that there's another person in the picture,” you replied.

“So you're loyal to him? That's very cute.”

That time you glared at him.

Hisoka tilted his head as he feigned confusion, asking “did I say something wrong?”

“I'd really like it if you would go away,” you told him.

“I told you: I'm comfortable here.”

The scowl on your face worsened, but you now seemed determined to ignore him, leaning your elbow on the armrest as you kept your gaze on the outside once again. The frown on your face and your furrowed eyebrows remained, however, and he saw you fighting the urge to glance over in his direction.

Your companion had yet to return, so he was most likely still on the phone. Though probably not with Chrollo. Hisoka doubted that Chrollo would want him away from you for too long, so whoever he was speaking to was most likely someone outside of the situation.

Careless. But at least it worked in the magician's favor.

Hisoka began to speak to you again, asking more questions that were designed to get beneath your skin. But this time there was no response to anything he asked as you were determined to ignore him. After about a minute of getting nothing out of you, he pouted.

“You're being boring,” he said.

“Good. Maybe that'll make you leave me alone,” you said, “feel free to go away.”

“No.”

You shrugged as you said “then I guess you need to sit there and be bored by me.”

“How heartless,” said Hisoka, “and here all I was trying to do was be friendly.”

“Now that's a fucking lie.”

He couldn't help but smirk a little at that response of yours. You were trying to keep it suppressed, but he saw that little bit of fire in you whenever you snapped at him.

He was starting to like you.

And as he looked at those marks on your neck again, he thought of a new way to rile you up.

“Really, though,” he said, bringing your attention back to him as he continued with “what does your boyfriend do to you?”

You snapped your head back in his direction, breathing in harshly as you looked like you wanted to hit him.

But you restrained yourself.

Adjusting the grip on your bag, you made a move to get up and leave – but the area between the seats were small enough and Hisoka's legs were long enough that he was able to stretch one across and block you in. You stopped and looked back to him. While you could probably get over his leg if you really wanted to, you seemed to want to take back some sort of control in this situation and make him get out of your way.

“Move,” you ordered.

“No,” Hisoka answered. He couldn't help smiling when your glare worsened.

“Are you stupid?” you asked, “there's a lot of people around. You really want me to get everyone's attention and expose you for being a creep?”

“It wouldn't be a good idea for you to go that far.”

“And why's that?”

Hisoka smiled as he said “because if you make too much of a fuss, it'll only be worse when Chrollo collects you.”

At the sound of that name, you stilled.

Your eyes widened as you looked at him in shock, your mind no doubt racing as you struggled to understand how a random bystander could know anything about you or the person you were running from.

Eventually you forced yourself to reply.

“… I don't know what you're talking about,” you said, though your voice was barely above a whisper.

Hisoka laughed.“If you're going to lie you need to respond faster. The fact that it looks like your soul is ready to leave your body doesn't help, either,” he told you.

You frowned, though the look of shock didn't leave you.

“You're being serious?” you asked.

“I am.”

“…… Is he here?”

“No. But he is waiting for you at the next station,” Hisoka answered.

You fell against the back of your seat, trying to keep your breathing level as you processed this new information.

“Chrollo couldn't know about this,” you said, “Nevin and I…. We were so careful. We made sure we covered our tracks. He can't know.”

“He does,” Hisoka answered.

“How do you know that?"

“I heard your friend talking to him on the phone earlier.”

“What?”

You looked gutted when you asked that.

“You heard me. Your friend is setting you up,” he told you.

A new wave of shock swept over you, though this time it was quickly followed by denial.

“That's a lie,” you said, shaking your head as you added “he wouldn't do that to me. Nevin wants to help me.”

Hisoka shrugged, saying “if that's what you want to believe, then fine. But don't blame me when Chrollo collects you.”

The magician then moved his leg away as he continued with “do as you please.”

You were caught off-guard by that reaction, and you looked to the now unblocked path before looking back to him. It didn't seem as though you knew what to do and you were still uncertain if you could believe him or not.

“Do you have any proof?” you asked a moment later.

“Proof?”

“Do you have anything other than your word?” you reiterated.

“How in the world would I have proof when I only just learned of all this?” Hisoka asked back.

Before you could answer, Hisoka interjected to say “but ask yourself this: who do you think Nevin has been speaking to every time he leaves the car to take a call?”

“….. Chrollo?”

Hisoka nodded.

“Your friend is probably still on the phone with him; if you want to know for certain, go and check,” the magician added.

Once more, you looked to the path that Hisoka now allowed for you, your mind now racing as you went over your options, thinking to yourself on if you could trust the word of a stranger or if you should keep your faith in your friend. While Hisoka had no proof, the fact that he knew of Chrollo and your connection to him should have been enough to give you pause.

It seemed that you made your decision when you stood. And after slinging your backpack on, you stepped past him and into the aisle.

But you didn't go to where Nevin was.

You went in the opposite direction, away from both your friend and Hisoka as you walked down the aisle at a fast pace. The door to the next car slid shut after you, and Hisoka watched through the glass windows as you went further and further towards the end of the train. There wasn't any stop between here and Merchester; you couldn't get off before then. Not without taking a rough landing.

Would your companion notice before then?

As if on queue, the sliding door at the end of the car opened, and Hisoka glanced behind to find that your friend had reentered. He seemed calm as he placed his phone back in his pocket, though it looked as though his mind was on other things as he walked back down towards his seat as there was a distant look in his eyes.

That changed when Nevin reached where you had been previously, and once he saw the empty seat, he stopped.

“Wh-where's-?”

The man stuttering forced Hisoka to look up at him, and Nevin managed to compose himself a bit as he asked “the person who was sitting there – d-do you know where they went?”

Hisoka shrugged.

Nevin seemed annoyed, but he didn't bother saying anything more to the magician as he began walking again, heading to the other end of the car in search of you. He didn't seem worried at the moment – there were innocent explanations for your absence, but no doubt he'd been given strict instructions to keep an eye on you at all times. Whatever payday he was hoping to get from Chrollo wouldn't come if he failed in any part of his task.

When Nevin failed to find you in either of the bathrooms next to the car, Hisoka noticed when he began to seem more nervous. He stepped in for a brief moment to grab his own bag that he had left sitting on his seat and then took off at a hurried pace as he went to hunt for you.

Hisoka checked the time.

Forty five minutes.

Hisoka counted to ten before he got up as well, taking his time as he followed the same path the two of you had taken. You might be gone already, in which case that man would no doubt turn into a wreck as he contemplated trying again to hunt you down or phoning Chrollo to tell him that he had failed. But if you were still here, what would he do once he found you? Talk you into believing him? Or use physical force to keep you on board for over half an hour?

Would you try to get off the train before he made it to you? Or would you confront him? What would you even be able to do if you confronted him?

And what did Hisoka hope to gain from this?

Truthfully, he hadn't even thought on that in the beginning. All he knew was that Chrollo had some involvement and therefore, Hisoka needed to know what was going on. But now that he'd involved himself and alerted you, what would happen from here? Was there any way this could lead to that fight he wanted with Chrollo? It didn't seem as though any of the troupe would be present with him, so it was as good a chance as any.

Although that didn't mean that the station setting would be a good one. While the late hour meant that there would be fewer people at the station when you got off, there would still be people regardless, and if things were too public, law enforcement would end up being called. Should he wait until you and Chrollo were away from the station? But doing that would mean following him, and while Hisoka was good at tailing people, Chrollo was just as skilled at sensing when he was being followed.

Maybe Hisoka should take you before the train reached Merchester, tell your friend where he would be and let the message be passed on to Chrollo. Then all he would do was wait until the leader of the Phantom Troupe arrived for you. If you had value to Chrollo then using you as bait would be easy. And once he had arrived, Hisoka could let you go. Hell, he could let you go after your friend got the message; you weren't needed for anything else.

But how would Chrollo react if you were killed?

The thought suddenly struck him, and Hisoka's mind began to race as he wondered: if he used one of his cards to slice your throat open and let you bleed out, what would the boss do?

If you died right in front of him, would Chrollo be moved in any way?

…. He was getting ahead of himself.

Right now Hisoka needed to focus on the present: that meant finding out where you were.

The answer to that question was revealed when Hisoka found his way to the back of the train. In one of the baggage cars, he found you and Nevin. You were keeping your distance, your hand ready to grab at the handle of the door on the other end while Nevin was speaking to you as he slowly began to close the distance. Nevin looked over when he heard the door open, and when he saw Hisoka walk in, his expression became confused.

“You – why are you here?!” he asked, his tone accusatory.

Hisoka once again shrugged, leaning against the nearby wall as he waited to see what the outcome of this confrontation would be like. The two of you made eye contact when he looked to you, and though you were still wary, his presence seemed to have given you some sense of security.

You got your friend's attention when you said “Nevin, tell me the truth.”

Your friend turned back to you, asking “truth? What are you talking about?”

“Tell me what's really going on,” you demanded.

Nevin froze when you said that, and Hisoka could see the sweat forming on the back of his neck.

“Wh-what do you mean?”

The lie was obvious.

There was anger bubbling in you now, and your tone reflected that as you said “is it true that you set me up? Is Chrollo really waiting for me at the station?”

Nevin seemed shocked, stuttering out “I-I, I don't-”

“Answer the question!” you yelled.

After a few moments of seeming lost, the man's shoulders sank.

It took him a moment to gather himself before he said “please, you need to understand. My mom – her illness came back. I didn't know what to do, and then Mr. Lucilfer said he would give me all the funds I needed to help her.”

He sold you out. Hisoka had told you the truth.

That revelation hit you hard, and you needed to place a hand on the door you were leaning on to keep yourself upright as despair took you over. That was likely the point in using your friend for this: to teach you that no matter who you went to, Chrollo could control them.

Such a discovery would break the spirits of most people, and it seemed to have broken yours.

Excuses and explanations came spilling from your friend's mouth, about how his parents' savings were decimated last time, how they were never good at saving, how the options he had to help them were limited. How you should understand that he couldn't stand by and let his mother suffer. That you should understand that he had no choice. That you would do the same if you were in the position he was.

You weren't responsive to any of what he said; your mind appeared to only be focused on the fact that you'd been tricked and that there had never been any chance of you escaping your captor. As a result, you stared off into nothing, your movements looking robotic as your hand reached inside your backpack to grab at something, meanwhile your companion was repeating the same drivel, desperately trying to get you to empathize with his family's plight. The longer you went without reacting, the more distressed Nevin became.

“Please, think about this logically,” he pleaded, “there's actual good that can come of this: you going back can help save someone's life. That's worth it, right? My mom is worth that, right?”

You didn't respond.

Then he added “besides, Mr. Lucilfer doesn't seem that bad. I get that he's weird, but all he wants to do is love you, right? It's not like things would be that awful for you if you went back to him.”

Nevin clearly didn't believe the things coming from his mouth now, and all of it was part of that effort to make you stay where you were. But your breath hitched when he said that, and at that moment all that could be seen was a dead look in your eyes.

Your friend was still talking, you weren't doing anything, and the time was slowly ticking away.

Hisoka found himself becoming disappointed in you.

After he'd bothered to warn you, were you really going to do nothing? You were really going to fold so easily and go back beneath the watch of your captor? The confirmation that Chrollo really was waiting for you was enough to extinguish any fight in you?

Disappointing was the only word that went through his mind.

Ah, well. At least it made his choice easy. He'd go with what he'd initially thought of and use you as a way to lure Chrollo. He would decide later whether or not to kill you.

Hisoka stood up and began to walk towards the two of you, which brought Nevin's attention back to him.

“Listen,” Nevin began, “I don't know who you are or what you want, but you need to leave us alone.”

Your companion placed a hand on your shoulder as he continued with “the guy we're going to see isn't someone you want-”

You stabbed him in the eye.

Hisoka had seen it coming. He saw the way you had looked at your friend and how fast you had pulled your hand back out from your bag. He'd seen the pen clenched tightly in your fist and how you aimed for the head, piercing through the side of his eye. He'd seen the cold look in your own eyes when you did all of that.

Yet it still managed to catch him off guard, and Hisoka stared at you in awe as you pulled your hand away and stumbled backward, the pen jutting out of your friend's skull while the blood dripped down his cheek.

A certain sense of exhilaration filled him now as he stared at you; it was the same sense he would get whenever he found a worthwhile opponent. Yet it managed to feel even stronger with you, and all he wanted in that moment was to take you for himself.

Though he wasn't allowed much time to take it all in.

Only a second had passed by before Nevin started screaming at the top of his lungs.

Or rather, he had begun to.

The instant Nevin began to scream, Hisoka activated his ability. With one movement he had covered up Nevin's mouth and nose. His cries of pain could still be heard, but they were now muffled through the layer of Bungee Gum that had now cut off his air. Confused and in pain, Nevin attempted to grab at what he only knew as an invisible force around his face, only to get his hands stuck as well, all the while the pen stuck out of his bloody eye.

The next moments were that of a mad panic: still in pain and without being able to even see what was now suffocating him, Nevin stumbled forward as he began to flail about the train car, pulling himself forward to bash against the walls while the noises coming from his blocked mouth began to sound more like screams that were stuck beneath water. All he was doing was hurting himself, but he likely couldn't feel it in that moment, far too panicked from all that was happening.

Nevin lunged at Hisoka, to which the magician sidestepped him and allowed him to tumble to the floor. The Bungee Gum wrapped around his head now kept him stuck to the smooth surface, and he continued his wailing as he tried to use his feet to scramble back up.

Hisoka turned back to you then.

You looked fearful. There was a disturbed look in your eyes as you saw just how much blood had managed to spatter across the walls during Nevin's rampage, and that disturbed look remained when you looked at him in his current state. Your lack of nen meant you couldn't see Hisoka's ability, and therefore you were just as confused as to what was keeping him stuck like that.

And yet, even though he could spot the fear and even pity in your eyes for your former friend, Hisoka felt certain that he saw a part of you that was satisfied.

That man betrayed you. He deserved it.

Hisoka stepped forward and that was when you looked to him once more. Based on the face you made when you saw him, he must not have been doing a good job at hiding how excited he was, and you quickly turned to open the door behind you and make a break for it.

He followed, slamming the door back open with no thought given to the man who continued to writhe against the floor behind him.

Hisoka wasn't going to let you leave.

You had already reached the door to the outside as you fumbled with the handle. It took half a second for Hisoka to calm himself, and as you were about to pull the exit open, he called to you.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

The sound of his voice caused you to stop. Turning to face him, you pressed yourself up against the door as you watched him slowly approach you.

“Well?” Hisoka pressed as he stopped in front of you, asking “where exactly do you think you'll be going from here?”

“….. I don't know,” you answered, “but I can figure out something as long as I leave now.”

Hisoka raised an eyebrow as he asked “and you think that will be enough to get away from Chrollo?”

“He-he doesn't know what's happened, right? And we still have time before we get to Merchester. Enough to give me a head start, at least,” you insisted.

“A head start to where?”

Your mouth opened to answer that question, but then you faltered, remaining silent as your mind struggled to formulate an response.

But what could you even say? What solution could you come up with as the limited amount of time grew smaller and smaller before Chrollo would inevitably confront you and whisk you away once again? Everything about your planned escape had no doubt heavily depended on your friend – what could you do now that you were on your own? Even if you jumped off now and made a run for it, how long would you be able to go on like that before Chrollo found you? And how much worse would it be for you when Chrollo inevitably did find you?

It was hopeless and you knew it.

“Well? What genius plan can you come up with to get away from Chrollo?” Hisoka prodded.

You hung your head in despair as you quietly asked “why are you doing this? Who even are you?”

He laughed.

“I know we didn't speak to one another at Heavens Arena, but with the way you were looking at me earlier I thought you would've remembered me by now.”

“Heavens…..”

Your voice trailed off, and at first, it didn't click for you. Hisoka almost thought he would need to spell it out even further when he saw the realization take over your face, and suddenly you looked even more terrified.

“You're one of them,” you breathed, “you're part of the troupe. Hisoka.”

Hisoka smiled as he said “I'm flattered that you know my name. Did boss tell you?”

“…. I don't understand. Why tell me what was going on and do what you did to Nevin if all you were going to do was hand me off to – oh.”

Your shoulders sank after you cut yourself off and you somehow managed to look even more miserable.

“Oh?” Hisoka repeated.

“This is just you trying to get better standing with Chrollo or something, right? Chrollo never talked about you, but I heard enough from the others to know that not many of them trust you.”

Your expression was bleak again when you said “are you going to tell Chrollo that Nevin was going to betray him and that you stopped in order to earn his trust?”

The bleak look left your face and turned into confusion when Hisoka chuckled.

“That's an interesting thought, but no,” he told you.

“What do you want, then?” you asked.

“What I want, hm?”

The magician stared down at you, and you in turn looked up at him nervously.

“At first I thought I wanted to fight Chrollo,” Hisoka began, “and that I would use you to get to him.”

The way he said he would use you only made you more distressed, but you stayed still where you were, and there was some sense that you knew you wouldn't be able to run from him even if you tried.

You must have learned that the hard way with Chrollo.

And as he thought of the boss, Hisoka's eyes went back to the marks on your neck.

The marks that Chrollo made.

Hisoka wondered what it had been like when Chrollo made those marks on you. Had you fought back and forced him to restrain you as he did what he wanted, or did you lie down and let it happen, having learned that there was no point in struggling against him? How long had you taken whatever he did to you, and what had been your breaking point that forced you to attempt escape?

What made Chrollo choose to do any of this?

For someone as strange as Hisoka admittedly was, he couldn't help but be curious as Chrollo was even more of an enigma of a human being. Things that the troupe stole generally ended up being sold some months after, with Chrollo rarely if ever becoming attached enough to keep anything, only holding onto the items stolen from their heists long enough to appreciate whatever qualities of beauty or value they had. The only thing that seemed to have any true value to him was the troupe itself; anything or anyone outside of that group could and would be easily discarded.

Yet the man wanted to keep you, enough so that he allowed you out for the sole purpose of teaching you the lesson that escaping him was impossible.

What was it about you that he liked? Was it purely a physical attraction or did he like your personality? Maybe it was a combination of the two? How had you come to meet him? Had he taken you forcibly like almost everything else that ended up in his possession? Or had you been tricked with sweet words and the veil lifted once you weren't in a position where you could get away as easily?

What was he going to do to you if he caught up with you?

Hisoka then smirked to himself. That last part didn't matter.

Hisoka saw something in you that he liked, and for that reason, Chrollo wouldn't have you again.

He placed his hands on either side of you while he leaned in, and in that way he kept you caged against the door. As much as you tried to back away into the glass of the window behind you, you had no way of putting any distance between you two. You were stuck with the magician leering down at you.

“But now that I've thought it over,” Hisoka then continued, “I've decided that I'm going to keep you for myself.”

Your expression went from nervous to terrified and you stood there, staring at him in silence.

Hisoka smiled.

“Scared?” he asked.

You nodded slowly.

“You shouldn't be,” he said, moving his hand so he could stroke your cheek. The action made you shudder while he continued.

“I like you, so I'll keep you safe.”

Hearing that did little to please you.

“…. I'd rather you didn't like me,” you whispered.

“Oh? So you want to end up like that one?” Hisoka asked, nodding with his head towards the other car.

You shook your head.

“I just want people like you to leave me alone.”

He smirked as he repeated “people like me?”

“You and Chrollo,” you said, “both of you hurt others for the sake of your own wants and you don't care about the lives you ruin in the process. Just as long as you get what you want, nothing else matters.”

“Ah, is that how you see it?”

“Are you saying I'm wrong?”

Hisoka conceded with a shrug of his shoulders as he replied “no, I can't find any reason to disagree.”

“But I can't find any reason to care, either,” he added, saying “feel free to think whatever you like of me, but it's like you said: as long as I get what I want, I don't care about anything else.”

His hand slid from down your cheek and to your neck, his sharp nails brushing against your skin as he focused on the marks left on your skin, already thinking about the way he would cover them up with his own.

You looked defeated as you asked “it doesn't matter if I try and fight you, does it?”

“It would be a useless endeavor,” Hisoka confirmed, “but if you truly can't stand the thought of being mine, I'll let you go. Though my question from earlier still stands.”

That was a lie. He wouldn't let you go no matter what you chose.

But pushing you to pick him was fun in it's own way.

You remained quiet, and Hisoka prodded you again as he said “it's your choice: you can try to escape on your own and inevitably end up back with Chrollo, or you do as I say, and I'll see to it that you have an easier time.”

You began to tremble as you stared at nothing in front of you.

Then Hisoka watched as your hand went to grasp at your arm. The same arm he'd seen in the sling that first time he'd met you. Tears were welling up in your eyes as you were no doubt remembering something unpleasant.

“He broke your arm, didn't he?” Hisoka asked, “when I saw you that time in the elevator, you were being led away for a further punishment, weren't you? After going through that, what do you think he'll do once he has his hands on you again?”

The way you bit your lip had him believing that he was right.

Then you shook your head.

“He didn't break it,” you answered softly.

“Oh? Who did?”

“The…. The black haired one, with glasses. Shizuku.”

Hisoka hummed as he asked “and what exactly happened that resulted in her breaking your arm?”

“….. The window was open and I….. I tried to push her out of it.”

The grip on your arm became tighter when you added “I was too slow and she grabbed me too hard.”

“What did she do to you?” Hisoka asked.

“Nothing. She hadn't even spoken to me. But…..”

He raised an eyebrow, silently encouraging you to continue.

“….. It's not easy to hurt Chrollo,” you began, “he doesn't care if I destroy his things, and he's too strong for me to do anything to him physically. Even if I tell him every day that I hate him and that I actively wish for someone will tear him limb from limb, it doesn't phase him.”

“But he cares about the troupe. He cares about their well-being, and even if he tries to hide it, you can tell that he's upset whenever something happens to one of them,” you continued, “on that day, when I saw her standing next to the window on a floor that high up…… All I saw was my chance to hurt him. That I could make him finally regret all he'd done to me once he saw her splattered on the ground.”

The memory was replaying itself in your head. And as Hisoka gazed into your eyes that currently had a far-off look to them while you relived that memory, he caught a glimpse of bloodlust within them, one that was similar to the look in your eyes when you had stabbed Nevin only minutes ago. An urge to kill that he was intimately familiar with but was still so new to you as that feeling didn't last long within you. Your brows furrowed and your gaze became more pained while you kept your grip on your arm.

Despite all that had been done to you, you still felt guilt for trying to kill someone, even if it was someone who had hurt you.

But the fact that you'd been driven to such lengths was impressive to him.

He wished he could've been there, present in that room and able to watch for the moment where you caught sight of Shizuku innocently standing by the window and your morals were tossed to the side. He wondered if the expression on your face when you decided that you wanted to end her life was similar to what he had seen earlier: cold and unfeeling. Or had your expression been one of rage? Of the quiet individual who had been pushed too far for too long? Or were you panicking when you rushed towards her, looking ready to cry as you tried to commit an act that at the time was unthinkable for you?

“Tell me,” he said then, “what did Chrollo do to you after that?”

“…… It was a long time before I got to see sunlight again,” you mumbled. You didn't offer any more information than that.

“The fact that Chrollo let you live after you tried to kill one of the troupe is a miracle in of itself,” Hisoka told you, “he must truly love you to keep you even after that.”

“…. I don't want him to love me.”

“Well, you don't have much choice in that, do you?”

There wasn't any response you could give to that, and you bit your lip in frustration. You were crying now while your hand continued to squeeze at your arm. Whatever would happen once you were back with Chrollo would be bad. That you had continued to defy him by running after the punishment you received for the stunt with Shizuku meant that Chrollo's methods weren't effective enough. Hisoka idly wondered if Chrollo had wanted to give you the opportunity to get into contact with your friend as a way to test you, or if you managing to make contact was an oversight on his part.

Though just like before, it didn't matter.

Hisoka hadn't checked his phone in some time, but a considerable amount of time had passed since he had last looked. There could only be thirty minutes left until the train reached Merchester at most. Either you were going to agree to go with him or he would knock you out and take you.

It seemed as though you sensed the time limit as well as you finally spoke up to ask one last question.

“You won't hurt me?”

Your voice sounded far weaker than he'd ever heard it, and you wavered halfway through the question while tears continued to run down your cheeks.

He reached up to wipe them away with his thumb.

“I can't promise no pain,” he began, “but I can assure you that I will never hurt you on purpose.”

You were frowning at that, but the way you averted your eyes as you turned your head down seemed to indicate that you knew even that was better than going back to your previous captor.

He grinned when you made your choice.

“Okay.”

Hisoka grabbed you by the hand and pulled you away from the door, opening it without any hesitation. The noise from the wind and the wheels on the tracks were overwhelming as the two of you stepped out onto the small platform at the back, and despite your apprehension in regards to him, you clutched at the hand that held yours anyway as you looked out at the tracks beneath you and the darkened night beyond.

You were so desperate to get away from Chrollo that you would do anything and turn to anyone to achieve that goal. Even if it meant turning to someone like Hisoka for help. Even if it meant committing heinous acts yourself. As much as you wanted to admonish Hisoka and Chrollo for the way their actions, you must have realized that you were beginning to imitate them in that sense. That you were determined to get what you wanted even if it meant hurting other people.

Perhaps some of your misery came in realizing that fact.

The magician then remembered one last thing he needed to do before the two of you left, and he let go of your hand in favor of patting you on the cheek as he told you to wait for him. The noise outside made it hard to hear, but you seemed to understand him.

He was pleased when he went back inside the train and saw that you did as you were told.

The disappointment he had felt from earlier in the day was long-since forgotten, and now Hisoka counted himself lucky that he had stumbled onto you, and all of it was because of random chance that had him in the right place at the right time to hear the exact information he needed in order to make you his.

Chrollo stared out at the tracks, his eyes following along the long metal lines until they became impossible to see. A fog had fallen since the train had pulled into the station, and the flashing lights of the police cars behind him illuminated it, switching the gray of the night into blue and red in rapid succession.

Beyond the fog and the tracks was darkness.

And beyond that, somewhere, was you.

Chrollo began to walk towards the tracks, away from the crime scene you had left behind. He had seen it already. After the train staff had called for help but before the police had arrived, Chrollo had no issue getting on board and using one of his abilities to keep the staff out of his way as he looked over the body that had been discovered in the baggage compartment.

He wasn't truly surprised at the scene, and yet he did need to admit that it was bloodier than he had anticipated. The struggle that had occurred there had left bloodstains strewn about the walls and the floor, and all of it led to the body at the center of the car. Nevin's body was instantly recognizable, as was the pen that had been sticking out of his eye socket, one that Chrollo recognized as being in your possession.

As expected, once he saw that your friend was dead, there was no sign of you anywhere. Upon entering the very last car, Chrollo's gaze had gone to the door that led to the outside, and it was easy to imagine you climbing over the railing at the back and jumping off before you disappeared into the night.

When the police sirens were close enough to be heard in the distance, Chrollo left, though not before collecting the cellphone Nevin had used to frequently contact him from before.

But it had been then that he saw something that made him pause.

Chrollo continued to walk as he thought on it: one of Nevin's hands was more damaged than the other, to the point that the skin at the tips of his fingers and a few of his fingernails were missing. They'd been torn off, to be exact, as Chrollo noticed them soon after on the other side of Nevin's head. Imprints of his bloody fingers could be seen not far from where he had been laying, as though he'd been trying to pull himself up. The dark marks left on the floor from his shoes also indicated as such.

How had you killed him for that to be the end result?

Had you even killed him?

Chrollo had seen first hand that you could be driven to unexpected lengths when you were pushed far enough, and the pen that had been left behind was definitely yours.

But something about the scene didn't feel right. The torn flesh of the fingers didn't make sense, and neither did the fact that there was little if any blood in the last train car. If you had killed Nevin in a violent struggle, there would have been signs of your escape in the form of a bloody shoe print or perhaps some injuries of your own. That there was nothing back there made no sense.

What had happened there?

While the theories on potential scenarios ran through his mind, it was impossible to tell with such little information.

And so the bad feeling stuck with him.

The bad feeling would grow shortly after, when he would discover that even his furthest reaching abilities couldn't locate you. And even later when some of the troupe would lend their assistance in locating you, the belief being that you couldn't have gone far – you had left the jenny in your friend's wallet behind and you didn't know the area. Yet there was no sign of you.

The bad feeling would become worse later on still when Chrollo would learn the results of Nevin's autopsy report and find that the man had died from asphyxiation, and he would be forced to again wonder what exactly had gone on in that car between the two of you. There was nothing found within the car that had been used as the murder weapon, and even if there had been, it still didn't explain the torn skin of his fingers.

More possibilities came to mind, more thoughts on who or what had killed your friend as he felt more and more certain that you hadn't been behind that.

Which meant that another, unknown party had inexplicably become involved. And the grim days would continue to pass for Chrollo as he searched for you, who seemed to have been plucked off the face of the earth.

But for now, in the middle of that foggy night while he walked along the tracks, the bad feeling remained relatively minor within him.

As he continued along his way, he looked out into the distance beyond the fog as he frowned to himself.

“Love,” Chrollo said aloud, “just what have you gotten yourself into now?”

#yandere hxh #yandere x reader #reader insert #yandere hunter x hunter #hisoka x reader #yandere hisoka #hxh hisoka #hisoka morow x reader #hisoka morow #chrollo x reader #yandere #hxh x reader

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lost-romantique · 28 days ago

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Ghostfuckers Massive Lore Dump & More...

I'm stuck at work doing the graveyard shift, so I decided to make a list of all the lore that we learned in Ghostfuckers. Plus some extra cuz my fave character is Blitz, and I love him...

It has been one month since the events of Apology Tour. Blitz and Stolas have been NO CONTACT for one whole month.

I.M.P is on the verge of bankruptcy due to Blitzø’s poor spending habits. Past Due Notices are pasted on the whiteboard. Millie confirms later on that Blitzø has not paid her in a month.

(Honestly same, I also cope by buying stupid shit, but sweetie you gotta pay your employees)

Confirmation that Blitzø (at least by the beginning of Ghostfuckers) has given up on pursuing a relationship with Stolas.

Millie confirmed that there is only Heaven or Hell, there is no such thing as Purgatory. And there is no such thing as Ghosts.

The fact that Millie had to stress it out several times, even to Blitz that ghosts don't exist... is insane.

Confirmation that Blitzø is still following M&M on their dates, and that once again... Blitz sees love and relationships as a transaction.

Blitzø’s illiteracy and possibly having dyslexia is the gift that keeps on giving.

(Fun fact: Brandon Rogers is confirmed dyslexic)

Confirmation that Blitzø has genuine fears of M&M getting hurt when they do go on missions.

Blitzø’s mom is confirmed to have died from the fire, just in case it wasn't obvious already.

Confirmation that Moxxie met Blitz before he met Millie, and by extension, Blitzø adopted Loona before he met Moxxie.

Further confirmation that Blitzø owning his own business as an imp makes him an outlier.

The fact that Blitzø has to stress to Millie that he does in fact own his own business, but she keeps denying the possibility that, that even exists is insane.

Confirmation that I.M.P began the moment Blitzø was in possession of the grimoire. Therefore, Blitzø had Millie, Moxxie, and Loona to provide for by the time he met Stolas

So much of Hell's Hierarchy and the suppression of imps in general, is ingrained into Millie that she genuinely believes that she isn't deserving to work in an old ass building located in the Pride Ring (where the sinners live)

Confirmation that imps (and by extension hellhounds) are expected to work for someone higher up, whether it be the Sins, the Ars Goetia, or even other sinners and hellborn

Confirmation once again that Blitzø is genuinely considered an outlier among imps. Him owning a business gives him a sense of prestige among others of his own kind.

Confirmation that Millie's entire life is all thanks to Blitzø: a husband, a career, a future, a best friend. ❤️

Further confirmation of the existance of Blitzø’s mask. (People were genuinely surprised when they realized that there was more to Blitzø than asshole)

Confirmation of the existance of infestor demons that are presumably from the Envy Ring.

Confirmation that Cash Fuckzo was an abusive piece of shit that not only manipulated his own child, but physically abused him when he had fresh burn marks on his wrist

Confirmation that Cash Fuckzo was the man that kept Blitzø and Fizz apart for so long, essentially the reason why these men hated each other for 15 years.

Confirmation that even seeing M&M happy and in love genuinely hurts him because (in his mind) he could never have what they have.

Confirmation that the events of Seeing Stars hurt Blitzø’s feelings and reignites that fear his daughter hates him.

The amount of remorse, guilt, and regret this man feels is so palpable that it can power an entire fucking city.

By the end of the episode Blitzø makes a promise to Millie to stop trying to become their "third". Millie is shocked by his answer and genuinely did not expect it.

Blitzø confirms to Millie that he does indeed have feelings for Stolas, but he's aware enough to know that he still fucked things up with him.

The character development that Blitzø showed this episode was actually insane, and I am so proud of him. He has a long way to go before he could forgive himself for the fire and hate himself less, but nonetheless I am so proud of him.

Also, in case you were wondering my favorite part of the episode was Millie's apology to Blitzø.

#helluva boss #blitzø #blitzo #helluva boss blitz #ro rambles #stolitz #helluva blitz #millie helluva boss #helluva millie #Ghostfuckers #Helluva Boss spoilers #helluva boss moxxie #loona #helluva boss verosika #fizzaroli helluva boss

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the-secret-keeper · 3 days ago

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Where MC Tells the Obey Me Brothers About How Horribly They Were Treated in Twisted Wonderland

This was requested by @sweetlicorice I hope you like it! It was taking longer than expected, so I only did the brothers, but I will do the dateables in a part 2, don't worry.

TW: Talk of being Overworked and Burnt Out, Abuse of Power, Very Angry Demons (but not at you), mental breakdowns, missing a pet (he's not dead, don't worry), and nightmares

Reader is referred to as MC by the characters (though I don't think they say it here) and MC is gender neutral, but this is mostly in second person, so for the majority of the story you'll be referred to as 'You' by the narrator.

Characters include: Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Asmodeus, Satan, Beelzebub, and Belphegor

Could be read as romantic or platonic

This will be long, so the stories under the cut

This is organized by character, with a bit of context at the beginning. Enjoy!

First, it was a coffin. You were kidnapped by a horse-drawn hearse, woke up in a coffin, in another world. A world of magic, and wonder, but also one of pain, as you quickly learned. But you met people. You made friends, allies, and you were learning, even if you couldn't use magic.

And then, it was you landing rather harshly in a room that looked like an old-time, very fancy courtroom, surrounding by tall and intimidating looking young men. It was soon explained to you that you were in the Devildom, and were an exchange student, one that would be living with the Seven Deadly Sins for your own protection.

You didn't know what to feel. Gratitude for the much improved living conditions? Fear for living with a bunch of demons and going to school with demons that would likely have no qualms with snapping you in two if you stepped out of line? Sadness for the friends that you don't know how to get back to? Upset for being forced to leave the place you were finally starting to feel like you fit in at and having to leave Grim? It was a whirlwind inside, and for a time, that's where it stayed. Kept inside.

Slowly, the Devildom revealed to have similar problems as Twisted Wonderland, in the fact that it seems everyone in power here, aside from Diavolo and Barbatos, would like you to die.

Most of the brothers tried to kill you. One of them succeeded! Congrats to them you guess, though, no offense to Belphie, you don't think it was particularly hard for a demon to kill a human.

Through all of this, you got closer to those you were staying with, even forgiving Belphegor after everything. It only made sense that eventually, what happened to you, you started to open up to them about your past. About those that you met and bonded with, all that had been put onto you, and all that was different.

Lucifer:

You were in his office, as you did somewhat often. It was quieter in there than it was in most of the house, and no one would bother you if you were with him. Plus, sometimes he would let you take care of some of his paperwork, just the stuff that wasn't too sensitive or important, but it lightened his load a bit.

"Why do you insist upon helping me?" He asked, not looking up from his paper, as you looked at your own.

"I'm used to doing more work, and if it makes your job easier, then I don't mind." You shrugged.

"More work? Do you mean like a job?" He asked, somewhat curious. Your file had listed a lot, but you had, apparently, been missing for a while when you were brought to the Devildom, so he didn't know what you had been doing before coming there.

"Something like that." You vaguely answered, finishing a paper.

"I am always here if you need to talk." He glanced up at you, as you pulled out your homework instead.

"Thank you."

A comfortable silence fell over the you two. The ambiance of the fireplace, paired with the low volume on the record he was playing, along with the light scratching of his pen, was calming. His office was always dimly lit, enough to see easily, but also darker than the average room.

It was a quiet environment that reminded you of the days when you would sit in the office of Crewel, him taking pity on the amount of work shoved on you and attempting to help at least a little. Or the days when you would study with Ace and Deuce in the Heartslabyul Common Room, Riddle sitting nearby doing his own paperwork, and Grim resting lazily along your shoulders. It was comforting, yet sad, at the same time.

"Back, in the place where I was," you started softly after a few moments of silence, "there was more that was required of me."

"In what way?" He asked, and though you couldn't tell, off in your own world, he had stopped doing his paperwork to focus on what you were saying, fully enraptured in wanting to know your backstory.

"The headmaster, at my last school, his name was Dire Crowley. And he was terrible at his job." You laughed bitterly. "I showed up there one day, against my will, and practically started running the place once he thought I could handle it, or when he was certain I wouldn't complain." You glared at your paper, thinking back on all that was unfairly thrown at you.

"Like what?"

"Paperwork, was the majority." You answered without thinking. "But there were.... others."

"Others?" He prompted after a few moments of a now, much tenser, silence.

"Your demon form is scary." You looked at him, making eye contact. "But it is not as scary as facing seven Overblots within the span of a year."

"Overblots?"

"The manifestation of out of control magic and strong negative emotions that result in the transformation of the magic user, and the creation of a sort of monster. The magic user loses control of their entire being, and it's very taxing on the magic user." Your eyes were glazed over as you seemed to recite the information with no emotion in your voice. "I don't blame them, for Overblotting, and losing control, the world is cruel. I do blame Dire Crowley, however, for making me responsible for dealing with them."

"That sounds dangerous, for someone without magic."

"It was." You agreed, still looking towards him.

Not at him, but through him, as if you weren't registering how much you were saying. This made him all the more concerned, as he got up and walked over to you, sitting beside you.

"I was also responsible for whatever Dire Crowley wanted me to do. Feed the fireplaces over winter break, find out why our sports players are getting injured, stop that one student from taking over the student body, house these people for this inter-school competition, and on, and on." You listed, beginning to spiral. "I practically ran that school. Me! A magicless human who had no idea what they were doing or where they were or how to handle what was happening to me. He stuck me in a shack, filled with mildew, and mold, that was covered in dust, infested with ghosts, and falling apart at the seams with a fire-breathing cat. And he didn't even make me a student at first!" You looked at Lucifer, tears pricking your eyes. "I was a janitor! And when another student got myself, Grim, and another student in trouble, he was going to throw me out! Onto the streets with no understanding of the world, how it functions, or anything at all!"

Lucifer nodded, trying to get you to calm down silently, wanting to hear about your past, even though it was painful.

"And he'd threaten me, Lucifer! He'd threaten my housing, my food budget, and I had no means of income! I couldn't pay for myself in any regard, I was completely dependent on him! I was his little puppet. The puppet of the 'oh so gracious Dire Crowley'." You began to sob as emotions started to overcome you, them all spilling out as you finally let yourself feel safe enough to feel these emotions. "I was so scared! About what would happen to me, and my friends. I didn't know what the next day would bring."

He brought you into his chest, hugging you tightly, and allowing your tears to stain his red vest. He let you sob and weep as you finally allowed yourself to process the emotions you'd been keeping inside this whole time. He kept his breathing even, trying to get you to match it subconsciously, and he gently rocked you, trying to calm you down as best he could.

"I miss Grim!" You cried out, into his chest. "I miss him so much that it hurts. I feel so anxious without him around."

He didn't ask who Grim was, but he knew it was someone important. He'd ask you about it when you were calmer, for now, he'd just let you cry to your hearts content. It had been a long time since someone had come to him, and allowed him to see them crying, but he didn't mind it so much when it was you. He took pride in being someone you felt safe enough to cry around.

No more paperwork got done that night, but he didn't care. You were more important at that point in time, and Diavolo would understand, he assured you of this, when you tried to apologize for taking up his time and crying on him. He brought up that Diavolo would be more mad if he hadn't comforted you, which made you laugh. You were so tired from crying that not long after you calmed down, you drifted off in Lucifer's arms, on the couch in his office.

Mammon:

You were hanging out in Mammon's room one night, trying to help him study. Mammon was a lot smarter than a lot of people gave him credit for, the main issue you were having was the effort in which he was putting in. Which was zero. He was much more interested in his video game than his homework, despite the fact that Lucifer had threatened to string him up from the ceiling should he not get a satisfactory grade.

It was almost nice, how familiar this felt. The arguing with him about studying gave you a nostalgic feeling, for when you would study with your First Year friend group, and you would try to pry Ace away from his video games. It was never effective, much like now, but the nostalgia made you keep trying to convince him.

Mammon himself didn't seem to notice the effect this was having on you, too focused on his video game. Not that you cared, better for him to remain oblivious that try to pry your secrets out of you.

You sighed, closing the textbooks that you had brought in, accepting the fate of his grade, and making a mental note to find a spot to at least try to hide him from Lucifer. You watched as he played the game for just a few more minutes before you crawled over, sitting beside him as he played, watching the screen.

"Why're ya so good at homework in the Devildom anyway?" He asked, in the blunt way he normally does.

"Diavolo adjusted my curriculum because I don't know much about the Devildom, so I get assignments that are easier." You admitted, leaning against him, your head resting on his shoulder. "I appreciate it, my last headmaster wasn't nearly so accommodating." You mumbled bitterly, thinking back on that incompetent headmaster.

"Really? How's that?" He asked, only half-paying attention, as he spam-clicked the button on the controller to his video game.

"Eh, don't think too much about it. Crowley was stupid, and though he claims he was gracious, he was really anything but. At least to me."

"What's 'at supposed to mean?" He asked before exclaiming nonsensical, frustrated sounds at his loss in the video game.

"I was basically his Barbatos, but I wasn't paid. Hell," You laughed mirthfully, "what money I was supposed to get was threatened, actually. More than once."

"Really?"

His attention was still diverted, and you noticed this. He was likely only wanting to hear your voice for background noise while he played, but you didn't mind so much. At least now you can say you told someone. Even if he wasn't listening.

"Yeah, Crowley threatened my food and housing budget more than once. And he'd push all his work onto me, even though I really shouldn't have had that much responsibility put on me. After all, I was someone without magic in a magic-teaching school, from another world. I didn't know anything." You shrugged lightly, trying not to move Mammon's arm too much, because your head was still resting on his shoulder. "I can't say I miss that part of it."

"What do ya miss then?" He asked, eyes still glued to the screen.

"My friends. I had a group of friends that were pretty tight-knit. Trauma bonded, more like it." You laughed. "And Grim. I miss Grim."

"Grim?"

"My cat."

"Ya sound like Satan."

"Grim was a special cat. He could use magic, and fly, and talk. You remind me of him sometimes." At that he finally paused the game to look at you.

"I, remind ya of... a cat?" He asked incredulously.

"Yeah." You smiled, laughing lightly. "He was sarcastic, and demanding, and greedy. He called me Henchman, you call me Human." He rolled his eyes. "But underneath your... bravado, is a very nice person, who cares a lot. Grim and I... we only had each other. So it just makes sense that we bonded. I miss him, a lot. He used to sleep in my bed, and he'd always be there with me. I've been having trouble sleeping without him. It just feels like there's something missing." You admitted in a soft and sad tone. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders.

"I'll be yer Grim 'til we can convince Diavolo or Barbatos, or maybe Solomon to get yer cat." He said quietly, rubbing your upper arm. "Ya can sleep in here whenever ya need, ok?" You nodded. "Wanna watch a movie?" You smiled at him, nodding once more, as he turned the TV to one of the bajillion streaming services the family all pay for, because they share, and arguing with you about the best movie to watch.

Leviathan:

Leviathan was out in public with you, having gone to an anime themed event at a cafe in the Devildom. He was so excited, that you just couldn't resist when he asked if you wanted to go with. It was nice to hear him rant and ramble about all the things that he was passionate about.

"There's a cat in the anime that waitress is from! And he's super cool!" Levi started. "He can fly, and talk, and use magic. He's also very stubborn, like a donkey. But he's a favorite in the fandom because of how cute he is."

"I know someone like that." You mumbled without thinking, your mind wandering to your feline friend.

"You do?!" He asked excitedly.

"Yeah." You smiled. "His name was Grim, and he used to live with me, back in the time before."

"Really? Tell me more!"

"He wasn't super smart, or very hard working. He used to call me Henchman, and demand cans of tuna. But when it came down to it, Grim was the one I could rely on the most. But, that might also be because we literally couldn't leave each other." You told him.

"You couldn't?"

"No. I don't have magic, and he did. I'm human, he was a cat. The headmaster of my last school decided to be 'oh so gracious'," you quoted, making air quotes around his catchphrase, "and make the two of us one singular student, allowing us to attend his magic school."

"That seems... dumb. To say the least."

"It was." You deadpanned, before the both of you laughed. "He was a bad headmaster. Towards the end of my stay there, I was practically headmaster, just because of how much work he pushed onto me because he could. But while I was at that school I made friends. And I had Grim. Even if the situation I was in was less than ideal." You smiled as the waitress delivered the food you ordered, with a bundle of silverware.

"Ah. I bet you'd prefer them to an otaku like me."

"Not true!" You defended, pointing your fork at Leviathan. "I like you plenty fine, Levi. You actually remind me a lot of my friend Idia. But," you laughed awkwardly, "at least you leave the house sometimes, and aren't afraid of confrontation. Or, at least, you're not afraid to confront some people. Like your brothers." You set your fork down, stopping your silent threat at Levi, that wasn't actually very threatening to him.

"He was an otaku too?"

"Yes indeed, and a master gamer to boot."

"Better than me?"

"It's hard to say." You shrugged. "The games you guys play are similar, but different. It's not a fair comparison." He seemed placated by this answer. "Your brothers remind me of a lot of my friends from there." You said vaguely.

"Do you miss them?"

"Yeah. They're my friends, of course I miss them. And it's not like I know if and when I'll be able to see them again." You explained gently. "I don't miss the work though. Diavolo was nice and assigned me a tutor and easier assignments until I get the hang of the normal work here. And no one makes me do any extra work, or threatens my food or housing. Well, Lucifer threatens punishments sometimes, but he would never threaten my food or housing, and I won't get punished as long as I do my best and behave." You rambled, smiling at how nice it was here, compared to it was in Twisted Wonderland. "Plus, I have all of you, and Diavolo, and Barbatos, and the other exchange students. I miss my friends from there, and I really wish that I had Grim here with me. But I am happy here." You beamed.

"Maybe if we ask Lucifer, he may know how to get your cat." Leviathan suggested, smiling lightly.

"I would love that. He acts like Mammon, but he feels like an emotional support cat. And, I bet Satan would seriously love having him here too."

"You know, we're all here. If you want to talk."

"I know." You glanced around. "What anime is that cosplay from?" You asked, gesturing at another waitress, changing the subject.

He glanced, and started beaming, immediately launching into a rant about the anime it's from, and the character themself. It was nice that he didn't question the change in subject. You'd tell Levi and the others all about what happened to you, and about what Twisted Wonderland was like. Eventually. Maybe.

Asmodeus:

Saying Asmo was flirty, was an understatement. Possibly the understatement of the century. And while he flirted and charmed nearly every being in existence, he did understand consent, and took every no at face value, stopping when asked. Of course, it's a rejection, so at the beginning you had to explain that no, you're not rejecting him as a person, you like him plenty fine as a person, you just don't always want to be flirted with.

He still did it, but when you asked him to stop he'd make a show of whining about it, but stopping nonetheless. It was annoying, but he did take your 'no' seriously, so in the end it was kind of worth it. Asmo was good for conversation, and he knew all the gossip, so he was nice to hang out with.

You had mentioned a handful of times that he reminded you of someone where you were from where you used to live. But all he ever said in response was that there was no one like him. Which is true, as no one else could truly embody Lust like Asmodeus does.

He was doing a skincare night with you, when you brought it up again.

"You know a lot about skincare already, it's quite impressive." He complimented.

"Yeah, had a friend who took it very seriously." You agreed.

"Is this the same friend that I remind you of?"

"Tis." You smiled, gently rubbing the moisturizer onto his face. "He was an interesting man."

"Interesting man? Interesting how?"

"He was insanely hard working, yet it seemed no one saw that." You started, taking a deep breath. "He was an actor, and social media influencer. And he was talented. Extremely talented. He worked hard to get where he was, but he had the means to get there."

"Anything else I should know about this person?"

"Well, he was good at potions. And like, just as good if not better than Satan and Solomon, good. He had the harshest study routine, but it was worth it. Never failed a potions class if he was tutoring me. He didn't have much time to do so, but I was always grateful when he did." You thought back on the memories fondly, smiling, as you stopped rubbing the moisturizer into his skin, and moving onto the next step. "His methods were.... intense, to say the least." Your smile became strained, remembering the VDC. "But, they got the results he wanted, so I guess he didn't see much issue with it."

"Intense in what way?" Asmo asked, noting your tenseness.

"I was appointed manager for a dance team, an interschool competition thing, you know how competitive people can get." You shook your head lightly. "They all came to live in my dorm because it was mostly empty. But, despite me being manager, he decided I needed to follow the same diet as everyone else. My friends said it was a 'we're all in this together' thing, but I thought he was just being unreasonable. I mean, come on, hexing my food? That's just wasteful. And he didn't even pay me back. I didn't get much money for food in general, because I was the magicless student, and there he went, just wasting what I had." You laughed mirthfully, remembering your anger at the situation, and your frustration.

"Well, in his defense, if he was just looking out for you."

"I would have no problems if that were the case, Azzy." You slightly chastised, but it was playful, and held no real bite. "I took your diet in stride, didn't I?" He nodded in acknowledgement. "I would've been fine with it, if that were the case. But he never paid me back for the food that he hexed, or replaced it. I didn't have much, so no one being able to eat those foods, it was wasteful. I mean, it's not like I got much money, if any, from the school for dorm food, like every other dorm."

"Why wouldn't you?"

"I was the magicless student. The errand person. The pushover. The unpaid therapist or headmaster. Depends on the day." You sighed. "The headmaster didn't want to have to rewrite the budget to factor in an extra dorm, when it only had two students in it, that really only amounted to one student."

"Wait, I thought you've mentioned before that you had a roommate."

"I lived with a fire-breathing, flying, talking cat named Grim, who could use magic, and several ghosts. I say technically one student, because the ghosts were faculty members, technically, but Grim had magic, and I didn't, but I was human and Grim was a cat. So, when I popped out of the woodwork, with no magic, no identification, no way to go home, and no clue about how this world worked, the headmaster was 'oh so gracious'," you mocked, "and put us both in a run down dorm, enrolled as a single student."

"Run down?"

"I mean Run Down. It was called Ramshackle, by other students, and it certainly lived up to it's name. The heater didn't work, I had to curl up with Grimm under every blanket I could find in that house. It was caked in mold and mildew, and dust, until Crowley cleaned it for the VDC. I injured myself more than once." You pointed to a scar on your forearm, where you'd hurt yourself in an attempt to fix up your dorm. "I am, honestly, very grateful, for the opportunity to stay here, in much better conditions. I do miss my friends, and I miss Grim." You admitted.

"Is that why you named that stuffed animal Grim? I thought you were just taking after Mammon in your greed."

"I miss Grim." You stated simply. "He was always with me. We were inseparable. We fought, we bickered, but at the end of the day, I knew if there was one thing, one being, I could rely on consistently, it was Grim. He was my ride-or-die. I named my stuffed animal after him, because I have a hard time sleeping without him. Even just, relaxing, can be hard. I miss him, and I don't know if he's ok. I genuinely, worry about him. And I miss him so much, that it's hard to fully put into words."

"I'm sorry." He offered, and you just smiled at him.

There was not much more Asmodeus could say. He couldn't provide you the comfort that you craved, as he was not your cat, nor could he get you your cat. So, he extended his sympathies, and access to his bed whenever you would like. For cuddles, or for more, he was always down for whatever.

He only hoped that his efforts to be there, and open for you, helped to heal you a little bit in the long run.

Satan:

Satan was nice to be around. He was curious, and he liked to know things and ask questions, so he did tend to pry into your past. But he was always good for book recommendations, and was always happy to discuss any book you wanted.

You found comfort in his fondness for cats, finding a kindred spirit in that regard. You didn't tell him about Grim, not wanting to get his hopes up about maybe meeting your beloved companion. He did notice your love of cats though, and had gotten you a giant cat plushie, as a gift.

You had named it Grim, and it lived on your bed. It was much quieter, and honestly, a bit boring compared to the real thing, but it was good for cuddling in the night when you couldn't sleep because you missed your furry friend. You were grateful that Satan had brought you just a bit of comfort in those moments, even if he didn't know it.

"I had a cat." You started one day when he started reading off cat facts enthusiastically after you had expressed the slightest bit of interest. "He was a rather interesting thing."

"Really? What was he like?" Satan liked to hear you talk about your past in general, but he was especially excited to hear about your cat.

"His name was Grim. And he was big, like 2 feet tall. He had a very distinct look about him. Grey fur, with a white chest," Satan nodded, listening intently, "bright, big, blue eyes. So round they almost looked scary sometimes. His ears, they had blue fire coming out of them, and his tail was shaped like a pitchfork. And he could use magic! He could breathe fire, and fly, effortlessly. He could talk too. Used to talk my ear off." You smiled fondly, happy to be able to talk about your favorite creature. "He'd call me Henchman, or Hench Human. He was a trouble maker. Mammon reminds me of him that way."

"Oh." Satan almost groaned.

"But much like Mammon, at the end of the day, push comes to shove, you can rely on him. That was one of the few things I knew for certain back then. Grim was the only one I could fully rely on. I had other friends, but Grim and I, we were inseparable. He was my best friend. He used to sleep in my bed with me, every night. I'm so used to it, it's honestly.... kind of hard to sleep without him." You admitted, laughing tiredly. "I miss Grim."

"Were you allowed pets, or familiars, at your last school?"

"No. No, I don't think we were." You answered after a moment of thought. "But Grim was a special case. He and I crashed the entrance ceremony. I wasn't supposed to be there, and got yoinked out of another world, but he was just straight up trespassing because he wanted so badly to go to that school, and become a great mage." You laughed at the memory. "He committed arson, I helped calm him down, and the rest is history. We weren't students, originally. We were janitors. The Headmaster only let us stay because I didn't have anywhere else to go, and I proved that Grim could be helpful."

"I thought you said you were a student?"

"I was. Half. I was half of a student." You smiled, taking a tired, yet fond, sigh. "I didn't have magic. But Grim did. So, Crowley determined that we would each be half of a student. He got us both into so much trouble, but he always helped me get out of it. I could always rely on Grim. Except in schoolwork," you admitted, laughing a little, "I was alone in that portion."

A million questions ran through his head, and you could tell the gears were turning. It was almost amusing, seeing him trying to decide on what topic to pick. Should he keep going about your cat? Pry about your headmaster? Ask about your clearly troubled past at this school?

He was quiet, but it wasn't tense, or awkward, just comfortable silence, as you patiently awaited his next question. You knew Satan would choose his words carefully, so as to not make you uncomfortable, so you had no fears. You really didn't want him to ask about Grim's homework habits though. Satan prioritized intelligence, and knowledge. You wanted him to have a good impression of Grim, since you thought the two would get along, despite Grim being similar to his older brother, Mammon.

It took him a few moments, you, peacefully sipping your favorite hot drink, as you waited patiently, reading your book, before he finally picked a topic.

"Was your headmaster, truly that bad?" He asked softly.

"His favorite trick to get me to do what he wanted, when I didn't want to, was to threaten me. My food budget, my housing budget, or even my security at the school. I had others I could rely on, should this happen. The other Housewardens tended to take pity on me when I would show up, practically begging for food, because Crowley wouldn't allow me to have any. They were good people. But I always made sure Grim had stuff to eat. I never let him suffer. He actually learned to share through this. But, a diet of tuna sandwiches, just isn't that good for your health. It was better than nothing though." You shrugged, not looking up from your book. You looked up, to see him looking at you, sadness painting his eyes. "I'm doing better now, Satan." You smiled.

"I don't want to pry, but I do have more questions." You took a deep breath.

"Can I answer them later?" You asked, to which he nodded.

"Take your time."

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Of course."

"Can you look through your books, to see if there's a spell, or an incantation, or a potion, or a ritual, that will help me get Grim? I'm worried about him, and, as you can see," you gestured to your eyebags, which Asmo had tried to hide using makeup, but it was late, so they were started to peek through, "being without him takes a toll. He's like my emotional support cat, you know? My sassy, lazy, loud, annoying, emotional support cat, that I love. And I miss."

"I'll see what I can do." He nodded. "No promises, but I'll look into it."

"That's all I ask." You smiled tiredly.

Beelzebub:

Beelzebub had eaten the majority of the fridge again, and it was your turn to make dinner. You sighed, as he looked at you guiltily. It was getting too close to when you absolutely needed to start cooking so you could serve dinner on time, so you couldn't go shopping for more. You just shook your head, and got to work taking everything out of the fridge and pantry, just to see what was left.

"I'm sorry." Beel offered. "I'll help you cook."

"I've done more with less." You said, not registering his offer, and looking over the ingredients that were left, as you had caught him before he could eat everything. "I just need some time."

"I didn't leave you much. I could go to the store, and get some more." He offered.

"Beel," You looked at him, smiling in amusement. "How much of what you get me would you eat on the way home?" He looked down guiltily once more. "I'm not mad," you assured, "really, I'm not. And I appreciate your offer of help. But I've got this." You smiled once more, before turning back to the ingredients, and picking up a few.

With what little you had, you'd started to make a large delicious meal. Beelzebub watched, in what could only be described as awe, as you stretched what you had into enough to feed the brothers, and something that tasted good. He still felt guilty about eating the majority of what you could've used to make dinner, but he was grateful you weren't mad, and he was curious as to how you knew how to make so little go so far.

After you served the brothers, you kept a little for yourself, and Beelzebub noticed. He noticed that you didn't take much, and when he tried to comment on it, you just winked at him, smiling. After dinner, he was designated for clean up, and you went into the kitchen to keep him company, as he had while you were cooking.

"How did you do that? There wasn't much left, but that was a good meal."

"My last school.... I didn't have much." You started vaguely. "My food budget was small, and often taken away, so I would take what little I was able to beg or barter for from the shop keeper, or the other Housewardens, or my friends, and I'd make it stretch. It helped that they often had some leftovers, especially Scarabia, with their feasts every week. And Jamil was a fabulous cook." You complimented, your mouth watering at the thought of his delicious and carefully prepared food. "But I digress. What I'd do is, I'd prepare meals in advance, as many as I could. I had to. Starvation sounded rather unpleasant, to me."

"It was that bad?"

"Not if I planned correctly." You smiled.

Beelzebub related to the feeling of hunger, and starvation. He was often brushed aside as always hungry because he's the Avatar of Gluttony. But the pain was always there, and it was hard to describe the pain aside from, hungry. You were always patient with him, even if he got grumpy because of his hunger, and now he was starting to see why.

If you understood the feeling of being hungry all the time, and starving to a painful point, it makes sense that you'd not get mad at him. It makes sense to him, that you'd be patient with him. He had always appreciated your patience and kindness, but he had never questioned it. Now he was starting to think he should've.

"Was it just you?"

"No. I had a cat with me. His name was Grim, and he was a lot like Mammon." You described cheerfully. "He mostly ate cans of tuna, which I could get for cheap at the school shop, they weren't super popular, and students tended to leave them at the shop after realizing they were the cheapest option of food I had." You laughed awkwardly. "It was a school of ruffians, and bullies, and people who hated me. But they had the decency to not want me to starve to death."

"You were hated?"

"By some. I wasn't popular, but I had my fair share of friends, don't worry." You assured. "I had the first years friend group, and the Housewardens, and the vice-housewardens and honorary vicehousewardens. Even a lot of the teachers liked me. And even if they didn't, I still had Grim. He was my best friend."

"Was?"

"He's still there, so he still is. We're just not together right now. It's like... it's like a part of me is missing, because he's my best friend." You tried. "And he's still there, but I can't see him, and I can't talk to him. I miss him, a lot. I think you'd like him." You smiled. "He used to sleep on my bed, every night. And he'd complain, and whine, and get both of us into trouble, but he was loyal to a fault, and he was always there when I needed him."

"Was your old headmaster that bad?"

"Oh yeah." You nodded enthusiastically. "He went on vacation so often, and it was more like I was the headmaster towards the end of my time there. What with the amount of paperwork and such I was handling in his stead. On top of schoolwork! And he put me in an old decrepit house, with a fire breathing cat. Granted, I asked for the cat to remain with me, but still. I'm sure he could've found somewhere else to put me."

"That sounds awful."

"It could be. But hey, think of it this way, now I'm prepared if you do this again." You teased. He nodded. "Don't feel too bad, Beel. You didn't even know I existed, you couldn't have done anything."

"I wish you would've told us."

"It's not easy to talk about." You admitted. "It's not like... I had the best experience with a lot of people there. I mean, Overblots, burnout, hunger, on top of basically being an unpaid therapist, an unpaid headmaster, and a full-time student? I was busy, and not every experience is a pleasant one. But it's a part of my life, and I wouldn't change it for anything. Because it was my experience." You explained. He nodded in understanding. "I think you'd like the people I met before. So many good cooks. And Lilia, who is on par with Solomon." You shuddered. "But there was also so many athletics clubs. I bet you'd really like Spelldrive." You smiled.

"Spelldrive?"

"Yeah!"

As you launched into an in-depth explanation of the sport, at least as you understood it, he simply watched. He was glad you'd opened up to him, and to hear that you weren't always alone. He would probably ask Satan if he could find anything about getting your cat for you. But for now, he was just happy to see you being comfortable enough to talk about your past.

Belphegor:

Belphegor liked to visit your dreams whenever you'd let him. They were always so interesting. They almost matched you, in that regard. As you were so strange in his eyes. He was very lucky, able to explore your good dreams. Dreams that told of friends, and adventure. Light hardship, sure, but mostly wonder. And happiness. Along with a cat that seemed to pop up in every dream. He didn't know that he only saw this because he didn't always tune into your dreams. Not every dream is a happy one.

It was one day, when you happened to be taking a nap in his general vicinity, that he drifted off, and entered your dream. He prepared himself for the bright light of the outside of Night Raven College, and for the happy smiling faces, or the sound of laughter, as he usually saw when he joined your in your dreams. What he wasn't expecting, was the fire. The screaming, the fear. He was prepared to watch on happily as you got to see your friends, the people you consider family, in your dreams, but instead, he only saw your terror.

He couldn't look away as you looked on in terror as eight towering figures, covering in black ink, with massive ink monsters behind them cornered you. He recognized some of these faces, they were those of your friends. They were friends, friends who would drive you to work harder, and do better, but would always be there to help in any way they could, if they could, when you asked.

But there was one face he was shocked to see, moreso than the friends. It was your cat. Your cat that had been changed into a hulking, massive beast, and it looked more wild than he had ever seen. It wasn't talking anymore, none of those smart ass comments he'd overhear, it was growling at you, roaring at you. It had never done that before.

Belphegor, unable to stand by as you feared for your life, even in a dream, quickly made his way to in front of you, his back to you.

"You need to wake up."

You heard him, but his voice was muddled in your panic, it sounded like he was under water. You looked at him in confusion.

"What?"

"Wake! UP!" He commanded.

You shot up, gasping for air, as you woke up. Belphegor followed not long after, making his way over, and sitting beside you, as you began to calm down from such a panic-inducing dream. He sat beside you until your breathing was under control, and you weren't shaking as much anymore.

You leaned onto him, your head resting on his shoulder, and feeling embarrassed. It wasn't often that you had these nightmares, but they were always intense and unpleasant when you did. You didn't think he knew, he'd never visited those dreams. It's not as though you were actively hiding it, you'd told him that you'd had nightmares before, but you were ashamed that he had seen them firsthand.

You both just sat in silence for several moments, before he spoke first.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, softly.

"They don't know about the nightmares. I mean, my closer friends do, but those who the nightmares are about, don't. They don't need that."

"Why are they in your nightmares? And why did they look like that?"

"They lost control of their emotions, and their magic overwhelmed them. They weren't in control, when they looked like that. That was their anger, and sadness, their pain, that was in control of them, with their magic creating the ink monsters behind them." You explained, quietly. "I don't blame them, no one can be expected to hold it together for so long, but that doesn't make it any less unpleasant."

"And your cat?"

"I don't know why I have nightmares about him like that." You admitted. "I think it's because I miss him, and I'm scared of what will happen to him without me there."

"How long have you had these nightmares?"

"They started after the first Overblot, that's what they're called," you explained simply, "but they only got worse as more Overblots happened."

"Was there no one you could go to?" You shook your head.

"I couldn't go to Crowley, he was useless," you laughed humorlessly, "the teachers were nice, but they couldn't do anything. I told my friends, and they tried their best, but nothing ever really helped. Grim used to sleep on my bed with me, and that would chase the nightmares away pretty well, but," you trailed off.

"You don't have him with you now, so the nightmares are back with a vengeance?" You nodded, smiling a little at his wording. He wrapped an arm around you. "Do you miss him?"

"I do."

He knew you did, he knew that was a redundant question. But he wanted to hear it from you, as a sort of confirmation. He felt bad that you missed your cat, and he wished he could do something about it, but he knew he couldn't. So you two just sat in silence, comforted by the warmth of the room, and the calm atmosphere around the two of you.

He had always wondered why, or even how, you'd taken his actions in stride. How you'd forgiven him so easily. He knew now, that it was just in your nature after having gone through so much at your last school. He decided in that moment that he'd make an effort to be the person to hold a grudge on your behalf, to let people know that you may have forgiven them, but he certainly hasn't, and he hasn't forgotten what they've done to you. He didn't voice this, but he knew that you knew how he felt.

But for now, you two just sat there, comfortable, and warm. He wanted to apologize, and say he'd do everything in his power to get you your cat, but he didn't want to say that without a guarantee that he could do it. So there you sat, close, and comfortable.

"I'll chase your nightmares away." He offered, just barely a whisper, yet because of your proximity, you heard it.

"Thanks Belphie." You smiled tiredly, happy to hear that he would protect your dreams.

You drifted off not long after, Belphie following close behind. But he kept his word, and your nightmares didn't plague you after that, whenever Belphie could help it.

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tainbocuailnge · 4 months ago

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this is a final fantasy fourteen dawntrail post. it speaks incredibly for the desperation of the people of alexandria in its decline that they both couldn't bear to remember the dead and couldn't bear the thought of the dead no longer being remembered, and thus created this contradictory system where the dead are only remembered by something other than those to whom that memory is meaningful. so crushed by collective trauma and grief that they directed every effort to eradicating awareness of mortality altogether and it's resulted in a paradise where everyone is incredibly blasé about dying because the dead live forever in the cloud until they run out of spare souls and are completely paralyzed with fear of their own mortality.

but even more than desperation it speaks of a naive sincerity that the scientists and officials behind the project just actually genuinely built and maintained this giant memory database to preserve the deceased at increasingly large cost, rather than just lie that they totally did that to a populace who won't remember those deceased anyway. they're not harvesting souls to power the war effort while using a recreation of the beloved princess as puppet figurehead, they completely sincerely recreate the dead from their memories and simulate them living happily ever after, started by a sincere desire to not lose their beloved princess. living memory is an eternal theme park that actively goes out of its way to facilitate letting people who remember each other fondly meet again. it's the manifestation of a childish wish for a world where there are no partings, only reunions. it's a theme park rather than an actual city with a dmv and shit like amaurot was precisely Because it's a childish dream. it's fundamentally an artificial experience, but one which sole motive is to bring joy and relief from everyday sadness.

and sphene is the first and most prominent victim of that naive sincerity. she's the mascot of this theme park, and because she's the mascot in charge of providing this artificial but kind experience she can't ever break character. the people of alexandria couldn't bear the thought of her being forgotten, so they created a memory of her that would last forever, but they also couldn't bear to actually remember sphene, so she's a mascot instead of a person. she loves her people, and they love her, but none of them can possibly understand the weight that love puts on her shoulders. the sphene we meet is fundamentally trapped by other people's deeply limited understanding of her.

it's so so so important to her character that she's a small dainty feminine woman that exists to take care of everyone emotionally and be loved by them for being so nice and sweet and loving, and when she tries to arrange some kind of secure future she ends up with an abusive husband who ignores her wants and needs for his own ambitions, and she is fundamentally unable to act outside this highly gendered framework. sphene reads like the commonplace tragedy of the straight woman to me to the point where making her in lesbians with wuk lamat is like. I can certainly understand wanting to grant sphene the sense of liberation and comfort that many lesbians themselves feel at the realisation that they don't have to marry men, so far be it from me to say anyone is wrong to do so. but it's kinda ignoring part of what her deal is for the sake of that comfort I think.

not that lesbians have never ended up in abusive marriages with men but sphene very explicitly does not have other options, part of the tragedy is that you fundamentally cannot actually grant her that liberation and comfort. cahciua explicitly says there's no way to know what the real living sphene would have done because this sphene is a recreated memory of the beloved princess whose job is to sustain living memory. their darling sphene who will always listen to all their troubles and is always nice to them and will always take care of them. she's literally trapped by the role society assigned her, and that role is essentially to be their tradwife mother. the living sphene may have been into women, but the people who recorded her to create the sphene we meet never even considered the option.

do you guys know that tweet thread where OP describes going to a funeral for a woman they didn't know who'd died young of a heart attack, and the husband spent most of the eulogy talking about himself instead of his recently deceased wife, and by the end of the ceremony OP had learned nothing at all about what this woman was like beyond being a wife and mother? everyone fondly remembers the princess and queen of alexandria, but nobody remembers sphene. and just like all OP could still do for this woman was go to her casket and acknowledge that she too had been a full person in her own right before the stress of swallowing everything about herself killed her, all wuk lamat can really still do for sphene is think of her as the full person she must have been.

we're not told anything about what sphene was like as a leader, what her policies were, how she actually did her work, her vision for the future of her country before she died and was reconstructed. they only tell us everyone loved her so dearly because she was so kind to them. we're shown her dying moments and it's her using her airship to shield a civilian, so we can assume her love for her people was indeed true. but none of sphene's history that we're shown and nothing of how otis (who knew the living sphene) talks about her tells us anything about what she was like outside her role as beloved princess. her memories from after her "revival" are dissonant and corrupted and possibly not even real, and her policy of preserving living memory no matter what is a wish implanted in her by the people who reconstructed her. we don't even get to see what she looked like when alive. the only sphene the people know is the theme park mascot of living memory.

cahciua was exactly as erenville knew her and was true enough to herself to be able to turn against the system, so we're not given reason to believe any of the endless were tampered with. but sphene was already dead by the time they even tried to figure out how to preserve her memory, her actual soul and memories definitely long gone by the time the technology worked. we're explicitly told that nobody in everkeep really cared who or what sphene was as long as she adequately fulfilled this role of loving them all so much. she can't even tell you her favourite food, none of the people who labored so intensely and sincerely to bring her back bothered to write down even her most basic personal preferences when they reconstructed her. she has to deflect the question with "when I think of the people who make the food I can't pick just one" because the only preference she's allowed is loving all her people equally. she's completely thrown off that wuk lamat would even ask.

and it's precisely because she is remembered only as this kind loving woman who gave everything for her people that she is weak and powerless to actually do whatever it takes to keep them safe. she does not have the freedom to assert herself, let alone to be cruel or violent or take extreme actions. society does not give her that freedom, because she is a small dainty woman and (therefore) the only role allowed to her is to be their tradwife mother. so while her desire to protect her people is as real and true as it can be part of her plan to lobotomise herself in order to become someone capable of violence and cruelty also reads to me as that specific female frustration of wanting to destroy the sweet babygirl image of yourself by doing something extreme. like britney spears shaving her head. but in sphene's case destroying the babygirl image amounts to destroying herself completely, because the babygirl image of her is all that comprises her. and so when all is said and done the only fragment of sphene that is restored and lingers just a bit longer after that image is destroyed is the sphene that wuk lamat sincerely wanted to get to know.

#efksiv #dawntrail spoilers #mysterious heroine S #metapost #sphene ffxiv

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paradisewithinpain · 2 months ago

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my take on "the hero would sacrifice you to save the world but the villain would sacrifice the world to save you" & tf141....

DARK THEMES, PLEASE BE WARNED

we all know these men are soldiers through and through. they put their lives on the line for the good of the world and they do it no questions asked.

but when it comes to you?

fuck that

there is nothing, and i mean nothing, that will stop these boys from keeping you alive and happy.

JOHN PRICE knows the power he holds. he knows the respect and fear that ranks both above and below him have for him. he knows that and he's going to abuse it when it comes to you.

you come to base and someone's bothering you? they're answering to a pissed off captain who doesn't give two shits about the morality of his punishment. as long as his love is happy, he's happy.

and who cares if he sends that idiot of a soldier into a situation where he's sure there's a good chance he won't make it out? price claims it to be "good experience". no one but him needs to know that it's more of an execution than anything

SIMON RILEY is the guard dog you never thought you'd need but boy are you glad you have him. walking places is a mindless activity knowing you have a giant of a man watching every single moving thing that enters your presence.

he was a weapon of mass destruction when he wanted to he. and when you came home crying, telling him about the store clerk who yelled at you because you tried to them that they over charged you for an item, he knew that his brute strength was needed.

and who cares if the store clerk was found outside in the alley by the shop, their face bashed in over and over and over again until they were almost unrecognizable? that's one less employ the store had to pay

JOHNNY MACTAVISH is a dedicated lover and an even more dedicated demolitionist. he's constantly showing you his silly little notebooks that are detailed with fun chemical reactions and ways to make green fire using sugar and boric acid. it's always fun to keep you entertained and a smile on your face brings a smile to his

but when you come home from work and that smile is no where to be found, he's immediately inquiring why. when you tell him about your shitty boss and the horrible way you've been treated, he's immediately pulling out his notebook and distracting you with silly chemical reactions and even putting on a small show for you to cheer you up.

and who cares if a week later your boss was found dead in his apartment, some type of untracable lethal poison infused in his coffee? you had always liked the assistant director better anyway.

KYLE GARRICK was a sweetheart through and through. he sweet talked his way into your life and you're glad you let him. his affirmations were always what you needed and when you needed. the way he'd hold you in his arms and whisper all the incredible things he saw in you never failed to warm your heart. he was observant and smart, seeing right through you and everyone else around him.

so when you had to delete a few nasty messages on social media after kyle made a post about you, he was less than pleased. he took you and your happiness very seriously. he posted you because he wanted to. he loved showing you off and he wanted the world to see how happy you made him. a few anonymous profiles weren't going to change that.

so who cares if their names, jobs, profiles, browsing history, and text messages were all exposed? the nasty information was all kyle needed to know that those men would never see the light of day again

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hermajestyimher · 4 months ago

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Lack of security in yourself will have you completely stagnated in life. When you're insecure, you live in fear, constantly waiting for the approval of others before you feel comfortable doing what you know you need to do to improve.

People use various tactics to undermine your sense of self-assurance and agency: religious control, gaslighting and manipulative abuse, spreading libel about you to others, and more. They want to keep you mentally chained because they recognize that the moment you break free from their manipulation, you become a threat in their eyes. This is why it's crucial to muster the courage to choose for yourself what you know will benefit you and to completely disregard "advice" that is designed to make you question yourself.

Sound counsel, rooted in a healthy place, will never hold you back. You must understand that just because someone has an opinion about your life, it doesn’t give them the authority to control you for their own benefit or desire. You have the power to choose whether to remain in a place of comfort and doubt, or, as the Bible tells us, to break free from the spirit of fear and soar like the eagles that run and do not grow weary, with a spirit of power and a sound mind. The choice is yours.

#growth mindset #things ive learned #confidence

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cupidlovesastro · 3 months ago

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𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔰𝔲𝔰 (7066) 𝔭𝔢𝔯𝔰𝔬𝔫𝔞 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔯𝔱

[long post ahead]

❣️this is my personal interpretation of the nessus asteroid persona chart!🪭

tw: abuse in all forms, trauma, power, control, unhealthy behavior, dynamics and relationships, manipulation

nessus represents things thing such as manipulation, trauma, unhealthy dynamics, harmful behaviors, ways you’ve been a victim, ways you could’ve hurt others, power, revenge, guilt, and control

other post you may enjoy

nessus (7066) through the houses

dark astrology observations

dark astrology observations #2

planets

sun- the trauma at its core, your ego after / from the trauma, your happiness after/ during the trauma, power through ego, unhealthy relationships with your ego, father wounds, unhealthy relationships with your identity, unhealthy relationships with your confidence, how your ego, happiness, identity, personality, or confidence has been manipulated, making your trauma something your proud of, learning how to live with your trauma

moon- emotional manipulation, mother wounds, unhealthy emotional habits, emotional control, emotional ab*se, childhood trauma, m*scarriages, guilt tripping, toxic femininity, spiritual trauma, curses, emotional self sabotage, how your trauma has emotionally affected you, learning to open up your heart after/ during your trauma

mercury- verbal ab*se, blackmailing, verbal manipulation, harassment, lying or being lied to, plotting against others, persuading, gossiping, yelling/screaming, psychological abuse, mental abuse, gaslighting, speaking or writing about your trauma

venus- toxic relationships, love bombing, unhealthy relationships with beauty, money, jealousy, or love, ab*se from those you love, revengeful partner, falling into bad habits when in a relationship, relationships that bring out the worse, controlling partners, relationships surrounding lust not love, toxic relationships with lust, toxic femininity, turning your trauma into something artistic

mars- sexual trauma , sexual ab*se, sexual harassment, physical strength being used against others, physical force, physical violence, anger issues, control through anger or physical pain, toxic masculinity, unhealthy relationships with lust, unhealthy patterns with lust, using sex to gain power or revenge,sexual control, learning to be angry from your trauma, turning your trauma into ambition and passion

jupiter- largest amounts of trauma, ab*se, control, power, where your happiness has been taken away, how you’ve grown from your trauma, healing from your trauma, what you will gain from your trauma, parts of your trauma that you’ve made positive

saturn- how you will struggle after/ from your trauma, struggles with ab*se, power, manipulation, and control, how your trauma has held you back, working hard to move on/ grow from it, fears that your trauma has caused, trauma from being punished or seriously disciplined, trauma from work/ jobs

uranus- how your trauma has changed you, rebelling because of your trauma, seeking freedom after your trauma, having hope during/ after your trauma, making improvements to yourself because of your trauma, being more independent after trauma, trauma from groups of people, online trauma, groups of people being controlling, ab*sive, powerful, revengeful against you

neptune- having nightmares or flash backs due to your trauma, going through a spiritual awakening from your trauma, things that remind you of your trauma on a subconscious level, turning your trauma into art or something creative, connecting more to spirituality because of your trauma, having traumatic dreams, using your trauma to relate and be empathetic to others

pluto- refreshing yourself after your trauma, karmic cycles you’ll go through because of your trauma, wanting justice from what you’ve been through, how you’ve transformed because of what you’ve been through, power trips, power been used against you, sexual ab*se, sex being used against you, fighting justice for others trauma, being more connected to spirituality during/ after your trauma, being secretive aboit what you’ve been through

houses

1h-obvious/open ab*se, traumatic first impressions/ experiences, your attitude towards your trauma, trauma responses, how your body experiences trauma, physical ab*se, unhealthy relationship with your physical appearance, bodily harm, how you can be susceptible to trauma, ab*se, power, etc

2h- money being used against you, traumatic work environments, trauma from possessiveness or being possessive because of trauma, toxic habits with money, putting money over everything else, valuing power, control, revenge over other things

3h- verbal ab*se, gossip, words being used against you, mental ab*se, wanting power over others mentally, elementary trauma, being bullied in elementary school, being ab*sed by siblings, controlling, revengeful, or manipulative siblings, toxic neighbors

4h- familial ab*se, toxic mothers, mothers who are controlling, ab*sive, or revengeful, unhealthy relationships with family members, emotional ab*se, emotional manipulation, guilt tripping, unhealthy emotional patterns, toxic femininity, m*scarriages, misogyny

5h- love bombing, trauma from romance, love being used against you, trauma from your affairs, m*scarriages, making you feel guilty for being yourself, happiness being taken away from you

6h- health related trauma, using your mental or physical health against you, feeling worthless or useless, being criticized by others, not having a routine because of your trauma, guilt due to your health condition or guilt from feeling like your not enough

7h- trauma from relationship, being overpowered by lovers, trapped in marriages, being forced to charge things, bad dynamics with partners, revengeful partners, controlling relationships

8h- sexual trauma, partner not wanting to share with you, feeling disconnected from others, being forced to feel connected or be connected, being put in debt due to partner, partner withholding money, not getting your inheritance

9h- religious trauma, being systematically or socially ab*sed, controlled, or over powered, people not listening to your opinions, being bullied in high school or college, being told your stupid, the law being used against you, being treated like your dumb

10h- public trauma, having your reputation tarnished or threatened, trauma from your career, a victim to the public, ab*sed by your father, toxic masculinity, unhealthy relationships with fame/ the public, gaining fame from your trauma, public control, going through harsh situations to accomplish goals, unhealthy father figure(s)

11h- ab*se from groups of people, being threatened by groups of people, backstabbing friends, friends that want control over you, cyber bullying, having your trauma on the internet, unhealthy friends, having your blessings restricted from you, people controlling what you do and don’t gain

12h- spiritual ab*se, restricted from healing, not getting closure, limiting beliefs that stuck with you, people using your limited beliefs against you, karma others will be given for traumatizing you (vise versa), nightmares, people who secret want to harm you, unhealthy relationships with spirituality, isolation being used to hurt you

signs

aries- fast trauma, quick ab*se, aggression, anger issues, headaches, head/face trauma, mental illness from trauma/ mental trauma, forcefulness

taurus- slow trauma, disloyalty, overindulgence, unhealthy relationships with food, unhealthy relationships with money, jaw to neck trauma, possessiveness, jealousy

gemini- mental trauma, verbal ab*se, anxiety, overthinking, mental disorders, arms and hands trauma, superficial people, inconsistency, backstabbing

cancer- trauma from mother, toxic femininity, emotional ab*se, emotional manipulation, chest/breast trauma, sensitivity

leo- egotistical, dramatized, arrogance, attention/ attention seeking, forcefulness, heart trauma

virgo- not picking, impurity, innocence being taken away, critical energy, anxiety, analyzation, stomach trauma

libra- romanticization, flirting being used as manipulation, imbalance, injustice, shallowness, skin trauma

scorpio- sexual trauma/ ab*se, de*ths, dramatic changes, obsession, possessiveness, secrecy, hiding things, genital trauma

sagittarius- religious trauma, opinionated, close mindedness, trauma from the law, cultural trauma, too much freedom or lack of freedom, trauma to your thigh

capricorn- financial trauma, restriction, lack of discipline or too much discipline, materialism, fatherly trauma, trauma to your bones/ teeth

aquarius- internet trauma, coldness, distance, trauma from groups, disowned by community, unique experiences, calf to ankle trauma

pisces- nightmares, flashbacks, emotional manipulation/ ab*se, naivety, apathy or too much empathy, subconscious trauma, trauma to the feet

banners by @cafekitsune @strangergraphics-archive

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mstase · 11 months ago

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🏴 ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS 2

natives with pluto in the 12th house have the ability to seem like everything is alright, even though they are probably going through the lowest point in their lives. they come off all calm and collected on the surface, but underneath, there’s a whole world of intense emotions and unresolved trauma going on.

saturn square ascendant natives may feel compelled to limit their self-expression (this usually results in their rising sign qualities being hindered). this tendency often stems from childhood experiences of having strict rules and limitations imposed upon them, possibly by parents or authority figures who viewed their spontaneous behavior as “immature.” they were constantly shushed, which caused them to be highly cautious about how they present themselves to others, often wearing a cold, serious face, but deep down they hide their fun, childlike nature in fear of being criticized. 🎭

natives with pluto in the 7th house tend to become suspicious when others get too close to them. often times, these people think others always harbor motives against them or are taking advantage of them. this mindset often stems from past close relationships, whether romantic or platonic, where they felt controlled and used. as a result, they develop a desire for control in relationships, asserting power to avoid being dominated.

mercury-pluto people have no filter at all. very blunt and direct; their words may unsettle others. they can come across as judgmental or too critical due to their honesty, which can sometimes lead them into arguments. these people can smell lies from far away 🔍

sun conjunct neptune / 12th house suns 🤝 no father figure, weak father figure, an unreliable father, father with addictions, abusive father, father living away

lilith conjunct pluto natives carry intense and buried emotions that can explode when they sense someone trying to exert power or dominance over them. they value their independence greatly and have a tendency to react aggressively when they feel their freedom is threatened. these people are acutely aware of their own inner dark qualities and can also recognize such aspects in others. besides these, they tend to notice and are deeply affected by the injustice and oppression happening in their surroundings.

saturn in the 2nd house natives might feel compelled to consistently share or surrender possessions, resulting in a sense of lacking or deprivation. this behavior may have roots in parental actions, such as taking away their belongings and not buying them things. this early pattern affected their self-esteem, leading to the belief that they’d never attain good things in life.

moon-mars people are so expressive. they never seem to keep quiet because their emotions are intense and tend to overflow spontaneously, making it difficult for them to conceal their feelings. these individuals may become easily angered or irritated, showing emotional impatience, and even small things can have a noticeable impact on their mood.

sun square moon natives could be prone to procrastination. they often want to do something in their head but feel emotionally resistant or unmotivated to do so.

gemini rising people are great at handling many tasks at once because they naturally adapt well. their tendency to get bored quickly and try out various pursuits highlights their dynamic and always-curious personalities. it’s common to observe them constantly shifting between different hobbies and interests. they are also able to hold many things at once. 🧺

pluto in the 3rd house natives are the type to know things they shouldn’t know. they might have started swearing early, or at least heard and learned those words sooner than most. this is because of their receptiveness to their surroundings, which causes them to pick up things faster and, more often, darker things. they tend to obsessively ask questions, constantly wanting to know why and how things work. because their thoughts are so intense and deep, others might have teased them or found them a bit odd or weird, which inclined them to keep certain things to themselves.

uranus in the 12th house individuals may be inclined to keep their hobbies and interests private. they might feel that their hobbies are unconventional or “weird” by societal standards, leading them to be discreet about sharing them. others might be surprised when they discover these hidden interests because they may not align with what the individual shows.

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rafry · 4 months ago

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Euclydia, Cults and Need for Control

Disclaimer: this analysis raises sensitive topics. if you are/were a victim of a cult and the topic triggers you, please refrain from reading further(/seek help). Additionally, I am not a specialist on said topic, nor am I a clinician. But I am a survivor, so part of the narrative may or may not be just me projecting the trauma on a silly yellow triangle. That said, reader discretion is advised! :)

The take: Euclydia is likely to be a cult-like society and the reason Bill, after years of abuse, grows up to be as he is: a power-hungry monster. Let's analyze!

For the starters, The Start. Each state has its own anthem. How lucky that we were kindly provided with the Euclidian hymn (hidden under the code "FORGETTHEPAST")! Lets take a look:

"Two dimensions to and from, You always know which way to go If you're lost, don't be afraid, In Euclydia you've got it made! Run too far too right of frame, You'll appear on left again! Jump too high, don't fry or fret, You'll pop up from the ground, I bet! In this place there is no fear, Roles and rules, always clear, Euclydia, we hold you dear…"

That tells us way more than we could've asked for, really. The most important: Euclydia is a state of Clear Rules™. Everything works perfectly thanks to The Rules and The Roles, and the state is loved by it's citizens. It's might be a caricature 2D utopia, but how it reacts when the rules are questioned?

"Eye doctor of a different kind, who wants to make his patient blind The doctor says: 'three sips a day will make the visions go away' Fussy eater, baby Billy Wouldn't drink unless it's silly..."

If there's anything about cults and the way they make people behave, is that the "wrong" ones in the community are usually ostracized and/or heavily medicated to not cause any troubles. Those people are sometimes called 'heretics', but may as well just be called crazy or insane by their peers. Oh look completely unrelated picture:

"Cipher, Cipher, he's insane Starting fires with his brain"

Honestly, the other time it would be it. Euclydia, if not Is, then sure does Act like a cult in some way. I could've finished here, easily, but there's something missing, isn't?

"The hell do you mean by 'The Need to Control', OP?"

I mean that the BILLVILLE is important.

There's the thing about trauma survivors: some of us, after living a life with no control over ones societal position (ostracization/isolation), body (forcibly medicated) or even mind (feeling of inadequacy), crave for some form of control to be regained.

It can turn toxic very quickly when the only form of control one has ever seen in their life is being The Leader (cult leader/shitty parent/armageddon overlord/you get the idea, it's about becoming an authority figure).

And so, Bill becomes a cult leader! Very possibly covering up the need for control and admiration with what I call "The most inefficient way to build an Interdimentional Portal ever", since, well, he's got to lie to himself every now and then, that's his thing (trauma response).

As for the details:

He uses the dead mans body — the body that wouldn't cause any resistance, thus being perfect for taking under control.

He sees the position of the interviewer as more authoritative than the position of the interviewee — and he swaps the roles. That wasn't enough though, so he demands (politely) to be called "My Lord And Master" for a good measure.

He very possibly recreates some of Euclydia-like order in his own "Town" in terms of expressing individuality. They might've been pretty decent in following scripts, I think.

So, I don't think Euclydia has ever been religious in any way, since that would left some other scars on Bills psyche for sure. But highly authoritative, ignorant, strict in its rules to the point of self-damnation? That checks. That's the place that has formed Bill, after all.

That's the place that he wishes to rebuild.

Maybe not consciously, maybe distorted by his illness and broken memory of a loving-paradise-home that has never actually been that way, but he seeks the comfort of familiarity — most of us do. Familiar stings are better than an uncontrollable too-bright future, isn't?

I hope he does well on therapy.

#gravity falls #the book of bill #the book of bill spoilers #bill cipher #gravity falls analysis #bill cipher meta #bill cipher angst #euclydia #analysis #character analysis #rafry #rafry rambles

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crustyfloor · 1 month ago

Text

blinking the gun to my forehead and then I'm gone (laughs)

Till, as a parallel to his All-in cover enters the round with a strong presences, unmistakably making his presences on stage known, he looks angry and tired, but he's not in that "catatonic" state that he was in during ROUND 6 anymore.

the moment Till lost his composure and started to stress and panic, the moment he looked back at the gun in the crowd, blatantly aware of the looming threat and openly feared it--was the moment Luka knew he had him right where he wanted him, when Till's mental instability and desperation caught up to him, his inability to contain his emotions completely consumed him, and then, there was the struggle. And Luka revels in the power he holds over Till's head, and the way Till can do nothing about it, not in this state. Till's guitar motif remains prominently in their singing, showing that they're on equal footing, but there is an obvious power dynamic at play underneath this thin veil of a "performance".

Luka does everything right to appeal to their audience, charming the audience with his allure, with perfectly exceptional skills, and constantly showing that he is superior, Luka is the model of a perfect pet-human. Till is contradictory, being naturally rebellious, he was never and would never be content being stuck in a cage to confirm like Luka can, because Luka was trained for in every aspect to fit the role of a perfect pet-human to please the Segyein in every way he acts down to the rhythm of his heart, he is truly a "one of a kind" to the Aliens--and it is all thanks to them that Luka is who he is today, it is in Luka's nature to adapt and obey, Till doesn't accept his environment and actively fights against it.

Till is talented, passionate, and incredibly skilled at his craft, but it didn't matter that all of his songs were hits, it didn't matter that he was very promising and popular. Because the aliens look for a spectacle, a toy, not a human, and Till is so overwhelmingly human. His nature comes back to bite him no matter how much he tries to deny these complexities.

Till tries to stand his ground and regain his control, but even then, he was easily agitated when taunted and provoked by Luka. Luka knew exactly which button to press, unsurprisingly, Luka had seen and analyzed everything from ROUND 6, so when he touched Till's neck and his face in such an intimate manner that could only remind Till of the trauma of ROUND 6, he faltered easily despite himself.

--"The dark crimson air. Embraces us, lifting our spirits" (Possibly in reference to Ivan, because later Till has flashbacks of round 6 with red tint)

--"And the fiery thrill. Blazes out to the sky" (A reference to meteors? then I want to connect it back to Ivan again, because on that night Ivan and he almost escaped, that was probably the happiest he'd ever looked with Ivan, the rush of freedom was thrilling, but he went back to stay with Mizi)

The taunting doesn't even end there, sickeningly. Till is forced to reminisce on the events in round 6, remembering exactly how Ivan's face looked before he fell, and at this point, Till is starting to feel the pressure.

Even suffering physical affects-- a nosebleed from the strain and stress of it all on his body, even just thinking about Round 6 causes such an immense reaction--I'm assuming that this is a result of the experiments and abuse Urak inflicts on him, even just general stress . Because one thing Urak prides himself on is pushing his Pet-Humans to the absolute limit to recognize their talents, be it any method, but without any regard to their mental health. But the sheer cruelty of this treatment doesn't lead to any of his pets living long, Till, having been the last one standing out of all of them, was meant to follow that cycle sooner or later, he had already shown signs that he was deteriorating. This along with the drugs they may or may not be making Till take to keep him compliant. The state of his conscience only seems to get worse the longer he pushes himself, and he puts a strenuous effort into not collapsing.

I'd really like to highlight Till's performance and how strong it actually was during Round 6, Luka's manipulation will intentionally make his opponents look weak, at least, to the ignorant Segyein, despite his struggling Till still managed to make a worthy opponent, if the points he gained were anything to go by--had he been given the opportunity to keep performing without Luka's intervention I think Till would have had better chances of winning (even if by a little). Despite being mentally unstable and physically drained he could still put up a fight next to the likes of Ivan in Round 6 and even Luka, but this round, brought out all of the weakness in Till.

This stage was built on the foundation of Till's despair and meant for Till's demise. And to a t, Luka has every advantage, Luka revels in the control, and feels a sort of giggly euphoria from seeing Till struggling. (It feels very obvious to me that there were some favors put in place here for that to happen.)

Wherever he turns, Ivan's face is plastered on all the big screens so that Till is unable to avoid it. It's almost dizzying the way the camera moves, the flashing lights, the overwhelming purple that symbolizes Luka's complete control. the chaos is meant to symbolize Till's feelings, Ivan looks more stifling as he looks down on Till with such a intense gaze. That pressure, symbolically and quite literally, physically weighs on Till, just close to pushing him to his breaking point. In the end, Ivan is a trauma to Till, a trauma that Till can't even begin to come to terms with or approach. Then, a tool to be used against Till. Luka uses this weakness to his advantage, forcing Till to feel the pain, the anger, the memories, like a prison of his own grief and regret that he can't escape.

--"Oh, in a blink, gone forget everything and just enjoy"

--"Oh, in a blink, gone don't miss this moment"

It's one of the more prominent call-backs to ROUND 3 when, from the perspective of the manipulated, this isn't comforting in the slightest. It isn't at all loving, even though it's gentle and familiar. Luka's type of manipulation tricks the mind into thinking about loss, love-- Luka blurs the line, love and loss, hatred or regret--because you can not feel loss without an attachment, Luka prods at the unaddressed feelings Till has about Ivan, and his subconscious attachment Ivan, it churns Till's inner turmoil, the guilt, the grief, Ivan's frozen grin and eyes staring back at him. It is horrific for Till to be confronted like this, when he puts so much effort into avoiding these feelings, it's pulled to the forefront of his mind, that Ivan died, that Ivan had feelings for him.

And that is why this type of framing is fitting for them, Till's true feelings about Ivan are hidden and misconstrued, even by Till himself as he shoves them down and replaces them with something more easier to rationalize--hatred. His avoidance of Ivan as a whole, and the events of Round 6 is exactly why Luka targeted him this way. Overall like I said before, Till's perspective of Ivan in his memories will probably never be 100% clear, because he is reserved, subtle, and he would be actively repressing them, he is actively avoiding confronting his grief, and the only time he does is when he's forced too, because just from the Round 6 flashbacks stained in red, haunted by death. And reminiscing about all those moments of hurt, annoyance, even affection for Ivan just adds to his spiraling storm of confusing emotions that he can't understand, Till replaces sorrow with anger and channels it into his song, only for it to be used against him.

It is only when Till sees Mizi that he snaps out of it. When their eyes meet, it's like Till is reawakened and immediately regained his composure, hyper focused on finding her in the crowd. Luka notices this and, for a brief second, looks concerned, confused, but he is quick to reel his expression back into something neutral, but he looks at Till in discomforted, Luka can't afford to look anything but the more dominant on stage, but he's baffled to see Till get up again and keep moving, he just wouldn't go down without a fight. Luka addresses Till subtly and aims to reaffirm his sense of control to no avail.

Till desperately staggers to reach Mizi, in that moment, Till is childish again; he looks like a little kid, blushing with wide, bright eyes, and he is genuinely so, so happy to see her. Even his light indicator is changed from red to green in such little time. Mizi's signature pink light shines bright on him as he reaches out with an outstretched hand, and in his perspective she welcomes him warmly, just like she always does.

And then, in seemingly the blink of an eye Till is abruptly shot before he can reach her. Mizi has to watch Till die. And the nature of his death is so visceral Mizi is heartbroken. You would wonder why it is so quick to happen, put yourself in Mizi's shoes, she was so close and they were so happy and just like that--it's over. It goes to show how fast the Aliens shatter humans, even when they least expect it, when they both feel so free and hopeful in the moment. Life, especially their life, is so incredibly un-fucking-fair, but that is ultimately their reality. The Segyein do not care.

It's interesting how Till and Sua's death scenes parallel, even just visually, but more importantly, Mizi's role in both events. She is horrified by the realization that she is totally helpless after believing she can change reality, the reality that Till couldn't be saved, and the reality that Sua had lied to her. key difference, however, Mizi didn't know about death before Sua's death, with Till she knew that was a possibility but was desperate to not lose the last friend she had, so she made a foolish choice because of that childish hope she never let go of.

Immediately we go to a flashback. This scene, in particular, broke me completely, this whole scene goes to show just how close they were as friends, how affectionate and kind Mizi was with Till, even despite his more reserved nature, often keeping to himself and keeping a particular distance between them, still, Mizi and Till have a special bond. it's so important for the both of them that this is highlighted because their friendship is incredibly valued by the both of them. These little memories that Mizi looks back on are the reason why she cares for Till so much. And the innocent nature of Till's love for her is bittersweet.

Till reminisces about the comfort of Mizi's smile at that moment, the one thing Till wanted to protect. One of the many things about her that he fell in love with. Even if they live a cruel, unfair life, Mizi was always gentle and compassionate. It's a stark contrast to when it cuts back to the present and her face is full of tears, even when HyunA warned her she had gone all this way, risked her own life to save Till, despite not knowing him so much, her attachment to him as a childhood friend was more important to her than her sense of self-preservation.

--"Before this piercing, radiant moment. Fades away"

Because Mizi always valued her relationships. He was family, the only family she had left--she was desperate to save her remaining family from such a fate, she knew what was going to happen as soon as she saw him on that screen, maybe, just maybe she can do it. she has to. But they were doomed to despair from the start, they were born into it. Mizi naively thought that if she couldn't save Sua or Ivan, she could at least save Till.

Till can't even bring himself to smile back at her as she weakly tries to comfort him in his last moments, pulling hair out of his eyes and cradling his face. Again, he seeks out her comfort, and tries to comfort her when he touches her hand, but he doesn't die with a smile on his face, he can't even force one because he doesn't want this; he doesn't want to die, and ultimately, he doesn't want to leave Mizi. But he's content with staring into Mizi's eyes as he drifts off, because Mizi is here, he's at peace.

The gentle lullaby for the background music just makes this scene so much more depressing. It's too lighthearted and sweet for a scene like this. When he was a child, Till was hesitant to get close to Mizi, and a lot of people out of fear, doubt, and all kinds of feelings that he'd learned to repress after so many years of living. In his final moments, he was vulnerable, and he was a quiet, gentle melody. That's how I think this atmosphere represents Till more than the brash, loud one that he often adopts. He's a cold, hardened shell with a soft interior. When he's able to be himself, he's just a gentle child, an isolated, abused, sensitive child. His death might be the saddest yet because he had grown up a fighter, he had lived all of his life fighting against The aliens, hurt, abuse, everything, to avoid the very moment he is beaten down into something human and unimaginably vulnerable, when Till stopped fighting back and instead reached out to comfort, to hope, he died. I'm just so glad that Till had comfort and was loved during his final moments until the end.

His relationships with the two most important people in his life are framed like this, darkness and brightness. Ivan is with him in his darkest moments, and Mizi is the brightness Till finds comfort in, Where Ivan is intimidating and confusing, Mizi is safe, and he gravitates towards her like it's instinct. He would never associate her, the girl who is so pure and sweet, with trauma, to ruin her idealized image of her in his head. But even if she looked differently to him now, seeing that she came back to him, he didn't hesitate to run to her. After all, his words in ROUND 2 weren't a bluff. He'd wholeheartedly love her regardless no matter what happens, because it's Mizi. Till's last thoughts being focused on Mizi shows us just how much he looked up to her, Ivan's death was impactful on him just as much as it was traumatic, similar to the karaoke scene, Till focuses and reaches out to Mizi, to blinding warm light, to forget about every pain in the moment. Till dies using that same coping mechanism and it tells me just how hopeless he was in that moment, wishing for any better situation than this, but still. He had her.

(Now, how will this development affect the other characters? I don't think Alien stage, the show, is over yet. Now that Aliens have all their rogue pet-humans back where they want them with no easy way to escape--I think Mizi and HyunA will be used if they don't manage to escape in time, to compete against each other? to compete in the new season or against Luka? no idea, honestly. But I hope they kill Luka cause FUCK that guy.)

#alien stage #alnst #alnst till #alien stage till #alien stage luka #alnst luka #alien stage round 7 #alnst mizi #alien stage mizi #alien stage ivan #ivantill #alnst analysis

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