#make my boy into the eldritch abomination he deserves to be

[mwolf0epsilon]

If Malzahar ever gets the Arcane treatment, I want Fortiche to commit. And by that I mean:

If they want to rework his design and expand on his origins, then make him the most compelling and relatable character possible. Make him someone the viewers can connect with and want to see succeed. Give him friends. Give him lovers. Explore his relationships with the world and those around him. Make him human.

And then tear it all down and make him into the void-touched irredeemanble monster that he's predestined to become. Doom him. Rip everything good he could have been to shreds. Make it a vile and horrifying tragedy with no good ending to be seen.

Do not pussy out on the fact that not every story has a good outcome. Sometimes bad things just happen to people who had promise. And honestly Malzahar is a good candidate to become a vessel for vicious cyclical horror, seeing as he came from nothing, built himself up, and then lost it all to both disillusionment and the call of the Void.

[neonscandal]

Manga With Me: JJK Crackpot Theories (But Maybe Not) Rapid Fire Edition

I have had a lot of thoughts lately without any time to properly articulate them so let’s start the new year off with a shotgun blast of my least founded hot takes because, why not? Some of them might have some context clues but others might just be ideas I know I’ll never use for fanfics so, now, we all have to suffer. Enjoy my “What Ifs” and weigh in with your own. 👇🏾

⚠️ Spoiler warning: as these are rapid fire takes, covers info through current chapter of 209 and JJK0.

Nobara isn’t dead, Megumi was just paying Yuji back with his vagueness.

I just think it would be such an unhinged turn of events for Nobara to be largely okay but Megumi played the long game because how dare Yuji go along with Gojo’s half baked plan and force him to feel things for a sustained period of time?? Like, no real benefit to the plot in concealing her status except as a prank. I feel like Akutami would totally pull something like that too just for the sake of trolling. But if she came back as a critical plot point!? Even better, she deserved more shine. We also haven't seen a satisfying end to Nobara's need to reunite with Saori so I won't confirm her death until it's conveyed explicitly.

We haven't seen the best side of Miwa

I maintain the Akutami has been pretty good about tying in even the slightest of details (okay bit of dickriding here, I know). I've written about the fact that Miwa may not have such humble origins but I believe the last time we saw Miwa sets her up for a big awakening as well. The Tokyo and Kyoto schools differ in many ways as the latter tends to toe the more traditional line in agreement with the reigning jujutsu elders. Yaga, an indicator of the Tokyo school's tendency toward progressiveness, was considered odd with his cursed puppets and this eccentricity is foundational to those who work and attend the Tokyo school.

During Yuta's introduction, Maki makes it a point to mention that the weak always gather in packs, sorcerers and curses. We see countless times that Kyoto school executes as a pack, whether that is during the Goodwill Event or even when going after Kenjaku!Geto. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Gojo presses his students to go on missions appropriate for sorcerers of his caliber unsupervised. Where the elders and Kyoto seem to be intent on pacification and predictable power scaling, Tokyo is home to those the established order would consider abominations and would rather see gone. Those too weird (Yuji, Panda, Maki, the third years, I believe even Inumaki is a bit of an outcast) or those too powerful to control (Gojo, Yuta). So, the last time we saw little old Miwa... why was she alone? Because her powered up debut is loading. ✨

Megumi will be the one to exorcise Sukuna.

This is perhaps the rawest of theories considering. But Megumi’s technique requires him to summon and effectively exorcise a different animal curse in order to successfully wield it. We saw the eldritch horror he summoned as a final “fuck you” before Sukuna intervened and saved him (seriously, what was that?). So what if Megumi, in the end has the power to exorcise and wield Sukuna (a la Rika to Yuta)? Like... is this the best case scenario to save our sunshine boy, Yuji? This theory is held together by silly string but I am going to stake it on the fact that we were given the hopeless backstory of Gojo and Geto as how things had gone wrong. As the reader, should we not expect that that new iteration of this dynamic would prove to be more victorious? I'm just holding out hope. *weeps in Itafushi*

Megumi is an integral piece of the future of jujutsu and emotional damage is in the forecast

In many ways, this is already apparent. Gojo, following Toji's last directive, plucked Megumi and Tsumiki from their lives alone knowing the value of Megumi's technique and birthright. In cultivating Megumi's talent, we find out that centuries ago their ancestors were powerful enough to fight one another and we already know Gojo is OP. Megumi, unsure of himself and still developing will be a force to be reckoned with. We've seen it in glimpses already. This potential is something that Sukuna also covets which speaks volumes. We've seen with Gojo’s origin story (and Spider-Man) that great power leads to great responsibility. End game, I believe Megumi will be tasked with exorcising or killing Yuji out of necessity. But, if things in the box go horrendously wrong, I also think he'll be responsible for putting Gojo down. Hell, it might simply come down to a painful choice between Yuji and Gojo and we’ve already seen that Megumi trends toward Yuji’s preservation. I won’t say current events put a decision between Yuji or Tsumiki but 👀

Worse, I fear there will be a reckoning when he realizes he didn't have the full story behind what went down between Gojo and Toji. Either way, Gojo has cast Megumi as his equal and so has Akutami. Historically, this has ended tragically and Gojo's heart would simply be torn asunder to be undone by his own beloved protege.

Toji isn’t actually as much of a piece of shit.

This isn’t actually a plot development. I think we, as the readers, are meant to contextualize a few things to comprehend what may come to light about him. 1. He named Megumi “blessing” which leads me to believe that, while he was demonstrably awful, Megumi’s birth could have been a turning point. Tbh I think something happened to Megumi’s mom (well before Toji met Tsumiki’s mom) which sent him back down the spiral of being a degenerate and ultimately selling off his kid. I wonder how much the elders may have had to do with her death. Whether those be the Zenin or Jujutsu elders is really up in the air. 2. Akutami, in interviews, implied that Gojo wasn’t really a monogamous person in that they couldn’t see him settling down with one woman. Mind you, they then slowly reveal the deeper connection to Geto which fills in some gaps to what I'm considering a deliberate misdirection. So I’m wondering if the implication about Toji being a broke ass bum, while valid, has additional context yet to be seen.

Yuji hasn't seen the last of Yuko Ozawa

Again, this is a raw ass theory considering, I can't even lie and call it half baked. But wouldn't it be crazy if Yuko makes it to the end fight, perhaps similarly motivated as Kurusu with some cursed entity within her seeking Sukuna's head but she'll retain an affinity toward Yuji or something? Like why introduce her and that precious history with Yuji if she's not going to boomerang back into the story? Even if all she'll be is sentimental cannon fodder (I'm looking at you Junpei).

[astro-b-o-y-d]

Some (but not all) of my favorite characters in CPU Kerfuffle:

Dadandorf and Hamburger Helper: Gay dads composed of Ganondorf but a dad and an eldritch abomination of hamburger meat. They divorced for a bit but I think if memory serves, they’re trying to get back together? Also they have an edgy hedgehog son named Dark Jimbo.

Dark Jimbo

Personification of blue raspberry, Electric Blue Raspberry

Baby robot and Baby robot’s clone who is much edgier than him, and started out hating him but now they’re bros (forgot to say these are Machiavelli and Machiavelli 2)

Juniper Uppercut. Baby fight baby win. She also befriended a robot and renamed him Mac and Cheese.

Yung Papaya, he is son boy and also making a living as a soundcloud rapper. Good for him, good for him.

Captain Quadratic. A clone of Captain Valentine, designed to be nothing more than a doting boyfriend to season two’s antagonist, but is now learning to love himself and love others outside of the antagonist. He’s hopefully going to find a new, better partner soon. He deserves it.

Squid Jenny. Queen. Trans icon. Best reporter.

Folk. Deserves the world and also a trans icon, with the reveal being incredible.

Professor Baybe. Sweet old lesbian professor who might’ve only recently been introduced in the last episode but she’s just so sweet, I love her.

Therapuppy and P. Rool: Cute supportive besties

The Grunk: Big strong murder dad who loves his son. Also he died but he’s fine now.

[firelxdykatara]

If you think their stories lacked empathy do you think Hama and Jet were redeemable? I don't hate Iroh or Azula or Zuko tbc, I'm just hearing a lot of people say it's unfair that people from the fire nation got to change when the people the Fire Nation hurt weren't.

My answer to the question of ‘could this character be redeemable’ is almost always going to be ‘yes’, unless the character in question is the literal embodiment of all evil or something. Galactus? Probably not redeemable, he’s a massive planet eater with no real conscious thought except, well, eating planets.

Can be redeemed is not the same as should be redeemed, though, and it also isn’t the same as ‘with the way this story has been constructed and executed thus far, I think a redemption would make sense’. Sometimes, the hero just has to kill the villain, or at least put them down/imprison/otherwise depower them to keep them from being a threat. (I’d argue that Ozai could not have reasonably been redeemed, given the story that was set up, and also that he wasn’t actually sufficiently depowered, and that even if Aang wasn’t gonna kill him, he should have been brought before a tribunal and executed for crimes against the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes, and that leaving him alive indefinitely is the reason the New Ozai Society was able to gain traction, because his political power was not intrinsically tied to his bending, but that’s another rant altogether.) And, typically, if there is a villain getting redeemed, there needs to be a Bigger Bad who gets put down in their stead. (Zhao was this for book 1 Zuko. Palpatine was this for Vader. Etc.)

The reason I say that just about any villain you could name (barring, again, eldritch abominations or The Literal Embodiment of Evil) is redeemable is because redemption, when boiled down to its bare essentials, is simply this: the choice to do and be better.

Every sentient being is capable of making this choice, and so that possibility exists for every fictional sentient being, too--whether or not it would make sense for their character is entirely dependent on the surrounding narrative, and also their overall character arc. There is no real ‘point of no return’ for the ability to make this choice--however, there usually is such a point for the audience’s ability to believe they reasonably would make that choice. The farther down the path of villainy the character has gone--the more harm they’ve caused, the more people they’ve killed, the more evil they’ve done--the harder it will be to accept that they would ever actually decide to change.

This can be offset, of course, by giving the villain a sympathetic backstory and reasons for their actions--cool motive, still murder will usually apply, but if you write it well enough, you can believably chronicle the villain’s journey to the side of good. Some of your audience may not think it’s enough--for some people, any villain redemption for someone who did anything worse than say some mean things to another character is ‘villain apologism’ and not to be tolerated--but if the narrative scaffolding surrounding a given villain is sturdy enough, a majority of readers/viewers will accept it.

(As a side-note, a villain redeeming themselves is not--or should not be--reliant on the people they’ve hurt forgiving them. That can also be included, of course, but just as it’s entirely in character for some villains that they just would never make the choice to be better people, it’s in character for some heroes that they cannot forgive someone once they’ve done enough harm. Everyone has a breaking point, and if you’re going to go the ‘everyone forgives and welcomes them to the hero group’ route, that will need to be set up and constructed believably as well.)

Now that I’ve rambled for ages about redemption itself, I come to the actual point of your ask: yes, I do believe Hama and (especially) Jet were redeemable, and I do believe the fact that a man complicit in war and genocide for decades was allowed, by the narrative, to choose to be a good person and do good in the world, while characters who were victims of the war helmed by that man’s family were not granted the same dignity of that potential choice.

If either Hama or Jet had their stories end differently--if Jet had been allowed to heal on his own terms, without being brainwashed into being Nice and then killed off and only referenced once in the rest of the show via an off-hand joke about his casual demise, or if there had been a line or two at the end of The Puppetmaster where Katara expressed regret for what Hama had become and perhaps hope for being able to return for her, after the war, and get her the help she desperately needed (rather than appearing content to leave her languishing in the Fire Nation prison that was the source of her trauma), then it may not have seemed so much like the narrative was saying ‘victims of trauma who do not react in appropriately pacifistic ways will be punished for their anger’. But because both of them were treated so cavalierly at the end of their respective arcs/episodes, it leaves some unfortunate implications, particularly when contrasted with Iroh’s pre-series redemption, and the way so many fans call for Azula to be redeemed because ‘she’s a traumatized 14-year-old girl’ without extending the same to the traumatized 16-year-old boy who was basically murdered on-screen.

Jet was no worse, in terms of his character and his crimes, than Azula--little miss ‘I’m gonna suggest Daddy burn the Earth Kingdom to the ground’ does not have any moral superiority to lord over anyone. Hama was no worse than Iroh, when you consider the deaths he was responsible for as a wartime general with decades of military service under his belt, nevermind the siege of Ba Sing Se that was nearly two years long. If they both could believably be redeemed--if, as Azula stans so frequently claim, she deserved a redemption arc after everything she went through--then so could Jet and Hama. And the fact that the latter did not get that treatment, but instead were figuratively (and literally, really) left to rot by the narrative, while it could be seen as a consequence of the realities of war, still has unfortunate implications when you consider the way the characters who had ‘appropriate’ responses to trauma left by the war were treated.

[monster-bcrn]

SPOOKY’S 100 FOLLOWER SHOUTOUT!

Okay for real this is the fastest growing blog I’ve ever had hehehe. Never expected Grundy to get this popular this quickly!

Freaking love this zombaby and I’m so glad y’all love him too! As promised, gonna shout out some fantabulous bloggos that helped get Grundy to where he is today. XD

@akasupergirl/ @azombieme (I FREAKING ADORE GRUNDY AND KARA AND LIV. I swear Grundy’s loyal to Kara like he was to Shayera and Jade and Liv is totally his baby sister and is gonna protect her from.....everything. :P

Even pigeons, because they’re legion.)

@thecatgoddessbast (A blast from the past! Glad to see you again after I rampaged and caused chaos as a certain deranged pincushion of a mushroom way back in the time before present. XD

Now I get to do that as a zombie. :D Win/win!)

@starcityvigilante (OLLIE. FFFFFF-okay for real I’m HYPED to plot wacky ideas with you. Grundy has a MASSIVE grudge against Green Arrow and I’m like......*push these two together* you both get along right now.)

@folcire (We literally just started talking and I’m loving your Ivy already! Can’t wait to see how Grundy grows to see her the more he talks to her because they’re both sassy plant people that way. XD)

@themartlans (FFFFFF-J’ONN. Everyone’s favorite green uncle :D I freaking adore him and I HATE how the most he ever interacted with Grundy was him being tossed into the bay. >_<

They really need to talk more, and MAN! That Injustice verse of yours is SICK. Definitely hyped for making Grundy into an insurgent and a good zombie instead of Supes’ lapdog.

( Look at this face....LOOK AT IT.)

@blackwingsbluedings (One of the best Dick Grayson’s out there and definitely loving seeing Grundy be less smash and more “......hug?” They both need hugs I swear.)

@marvelousdamsels (We haven’t talked much but I adore your muses and I just hope Grundy doesn’t come off as too weird or clingy.......wait.......that’s......literally Grundy.....

:D)

@theirfirstexperiment (GRUNDY ON A RAMPAGE YOOOOOO! Better run fast. XD)

@amazonexile/ @gothamprens/ @captainstevertrevor ( Freaking love your muses and I love seeing Diana and Bruce actually WANT to help Grundy. It’s too easy just beating on Grundy and I love seeing them actually bother to try to get to the gentler side of the Hulk’s crazy cousin. XD)

@justiceebound / @nighttfight ( *slams fist on the table* YOU ARE AWESOME! Your Shayera is awesome, your Bruce is a national treasure and I can’t wait to throw Grundy at Supes and Diana, because these guys need a big reconciliation thing after all the chaos from literal years of slugging it out.

And I LOVE it. >:D)

@ofamazonia 

@theamazondiana   (Both of you are AWESOME Wonder Women and MAN I love plotting ideas. I’m tired of seeing Diana being turned into too much of a warrior while negating her role as a peace-maker and y’all NAIL her kindness and wisdom and need to give everyone a chance. Freaking LOVE IT!)

@raininginkyxto (LOL I always love imagining Grundy in Marvel and now poor Weasel is kind of stuck with him. XD Man, if the Hulks meet Grundy then that poor bar is going to really get smashed.....)

@notatomo (GIANT. Man I loved that movie as a kid and I LOVE the subsequent giant robot and tiny kid works inspired from it (example being the CRIMINALLY under-appreciated Sentinel series by UDON.) Can’t wait to see what happens when Grundy talks more to someone bigger than him. XD)

@liminalstctic (GRUNDY HEARTS TINY GIRL. XD Yeah he’s trying his hardest to help her. ;A;)

@dolceclavier

@gobsnacc

@adrenalinesaint

@ninelivesruined

@yellowskinnedwackyman  (CREEPER! I’ll forever ADORE these two butts because they’re team Tree Lobsters.)

@collidingxworlds/ @thecursedhellblazer (I. Love. Your. Constantine. I swear I have so much fun writing Grundy trying to get drunk (and failing) and learning to cuss up a storm while still being a mad lad ready to throw down with mega-zombies to protect his tiny friend.

DC, make this friendship canon or so help me Grodd...)

@chaosmultiverse (I love your Klarion so much! He’s so much fun! XD And Teekl for the epic win!)

@raichoose (Herbert West and Solomon Grundy? THAT aIN’T GOOD! D:>)

@gctjinxd (Freaking LOVE your Jinx! LOL how she manipulates Freeze and how Grundy isn’t even REMOTELY phased by her powers. Like he is TOUGH. Even bad luck won’t stop him.)

@killcrcroc (BIG BAD KILLER CROC! I love your Waylon and I adore how he has a collection of watches and that awesome suit. XD Croc definitely deserves more love since he’s much smarter than he looks, and tough enough to even get Grundy to back down in a serious fight.)

@babydxhl (Baby Doll is criminally underappreciated and I love how she’s the opposite to Grundy. She looks child-like but is very crafty, mature and knows how to get what she wants, while Grundy is physically strong and big enough to bully his way into anything he wants, but is very simple and child-like and would rather watch the birds. XD)

@theednygma (An awesome Ed Nygma and I love how Grundy is so unsure of everything yet still goes along for the ride as a support. XD)

@sleightlyoffhand (BUNNY MAN! Okay the idea of Josiah monching on carrots in Grundy’s pocket makes me smile so much. XD)

@thanagrian (BIRD-NOSE! Honestly every time I think of Grundy and Shayera I get the feels big time. These two definitely deserved more than just two episides to give them a unique friendship.

(I love that STAR Labs mission so much in Injustice. XD)

@the-arkham-librarian ( I love Eliza so much! She’s crafty, stubborn, sweet and kind and just cares about everyone so much when few don’t. Grundy grew so attached to her I swear she’s like his little sister at this point. XD And he’s totes the best uncle along with Eddie.)

@fatherdamned ( I LOVE YOUR RIDDLER OMG! He’s so snarky but man he is SO DAMN FUN to write with! Grundy is there for his green friend, no matter what!)

@fartemis-crockpot

( I freaking LOVE Artemis and Grundy, especially in the Injustice Society stuff. Yeah Grundy’s been a butt before but he genuinely likes and cares about her and the rest of the team and I’m like....

Look at these bunch of a-holes. Yeah they’re a family and even if they’re bad.....they’ve got each other. And that’s what counts. C:)

@powerhours/ @lastofmars (Green dad? Green dad. I love your J’onn so much and I’m like *throws Grundy at green dad* Here give this disaster some love. XD)

@gothamdad (YET ANOTHER AWESOME BATMAN. :D)

@redsleuthed (TIM! I love Tim and I swear these two should talk more because Grundy doesn’t WANT to fight and I think just letting someone hear him out would help him immensely.

Plus that stuff with Freeze? Poetic cinema.)

@themusespace

@12thlevel​ (On this blog we stan socially awkward green boi with angery grandpa genius mastermind. XD)

@pluckyingenue

@seekthedarknesswithin (SHADE! I love Shade in Justice League where he constantly throws Shade at everyone so you can imagine how excited I was to see Shade on Tumblr! We haven’t done much but man.....even Grundy was excited to see an old friend from the Injustice Society/ Injustice Gang.)

@youstolemycoat (Okay, hands down, Nick Necro is so much fun to plot with. His Robin verse is so fun too and poor Grundy tries to help but a certain birdy won’t let him. XD)

@ufotm (Tiny alien baby. :3)

@thetrigonborn

@kitfreeman

@partcfyouruniverse/ @diamondcladclown ( An awesome mun and my goodness her Harley is EPIC! I love the metas about Harley too and you just GET HER. And that????? Is the sign of an excellent writer and mun.)

@bigbadkillercroc ( I love your Croc and the brotherly bond he has with Grundy! It’s so refreshing to see these two bonding instead of Grundy tearing off Waylon’s face like he did in the Solomon Grundy mini-series. :C)

@blizzardmuses (I LOVE YOUR MUSES OMG. Your Batgirl?????? I ADORE HER. I love Freeze as a member of the Birds of Prey and I love tossing Grundy at your muses because the guy needs love and an excuse to smash.....and I really love both lol.)

@starfirechan (You’re Starfire is so freaking CUTE! I love how she and Grundy get along so well since they’re kind of two misfits that aren’t very well-versed in city life. XD)

@gotham-crusader/ @maximummuses (One of the best Batman and Damian Wayne RPers out there! I have a lot of fun with our threads and even if they fizzle out there is so much heart to them that they’re some of my absolute favorites no matter what muse I put on. C:)

@teufortsquidman (PRAWN! Okay, a giant mega-zombie and an Eldritch abomination? Yeah they’re gonna be good pals lol. XD)

@tragedybcrn (Hands down one of the BEST Batman RPers I’ve talked to and plotted with. I love how Bruce helps Freeze and even Grundy try to be better than just crooks. Grundy though has had so many bad experiences that he can’t trust anyone anymore unless there is some SERIOUS help. But he’ll learn to at least try to trust Batman.....because Batman was genuinely nice to him.)

@krygothite ( I freaking LOVE your Bane! We haven’t written much but FFFFF0yeah he’s epic. XD And Grundy is kind of nervous about bringing Bane to Slaughter Swamp because Bane is tough but not kaiju-sized gators and snakes tough....

Or....maybe he is.....let’s test him. >:D)

@batvvmn

@redwinefangs (VAmpire Batman? Vampire Batman. We have an epic trifecta of vampire Bats, Freezy-wolf and zombaby Grundy and I LOVE it. These three are so much fun to plit ideas around. XD)

@bclaur

@stcrshnes

@titanicscionofthestars ( I freaking LOVE Sara! All across my blogs I love her and the way you write her! And I swear her reaction to Grundy being impaled????? MY HEART. ;A;)

@jcinthedance  (JERVIS! Okat for real I love the image of Hatter and Grundy just enjoying a tea party at the asylum and being weird dorks. XD)

@adventurepunks (I absolutelky LOVE your Zatanna! She’s so fun and I’d love to plot more with her! :D)

@shesquiinnsane

@laughter-in-white (YOU????? Are??? Like the BEST Joker. Hands down. Your Croptop J is so much fun to plot with and he’s funny and being dramatic for Bats. And Grundy is like ‘yeah he’s crazy but he’s my crazy.’)

@yourfavoritesidekick

@smartvulpix (* glomps on you for being epic*)

@thehouseofivo (Your Freeze and Julian are AWESOME! Love throwing my guys at them both lol)

@lil-miss-romano

@sweet-tea-solly

@slauhter

@occultsleuth

@wiisectrpillar

@wonderlandcarpenter

@gunborn

[the-queer-fox]

Mutuals as the mighty nein....?

OKAY SO:

Fjord - @just-another-thespian What a lad. He's just trying to live his life and has to put up with all our bullshit (affectionate). He's probably the most responsible person here, but suffers from Zero Impulse Control, and I also vote him the Most Likely To Unintentionally Make A Pact With A Giant Eldritch Abomination. Plus, he's British so they're basically the same person- (For legal reasons, this is a joke... mostly)

Jester - @one-time-i-jumped-off-a-cliff What a sweetheart. I love them so much. Chaotic as shit. Like, literally the most chaotic person I know. I fucking love them. Would draw dicks in library books. Gives good hugs. Is lowkey Strong. As. Fuck. Just the most lively and fun person I know. Would absolutely buy a weasel and a dog without hesitation if given the option because Zero Impulse Control. In love with her best friend-

Beau - @i-want-anne-hathaway You have a brain cell and still give off dumbass energy. It's called being Talented <3. Also, you deserve to punch shit. Let Bree Punch A Demon 2021. This association will undoubtedly make me begin to hc Beau as being a Swiftie and I hate it already!

Yasha - @musical-stan-first-human-later Emo on the outside, soft flower lesbian on the inside. I rest my case. Also! You can finally live out your fantasy of being tall. You're welcome :)

Mollymauk - @seaurchns Colorful circus man. What a beautiful circus freak you would be. Also, look up Molly's coat! You'd wear it. You give basically no shits and are just here to vibe, good for you. You deserve to have an douchey villainous counterpart. As a treat. Just a sarcastic and fabulous bastard. We stan <3

Veth - @billiam-i-am You are not technically my mutual. Fitting. Just an absolute bastard. A gremlin. Your job is to be a pain in our collective ass. Unlike Veth, I am not sure you have a heart, my most gracious enemy.

Caduceus - Shamelessly casting myself as my boy. I'm pretty chill... I hope. Unironically said 'This is nice' and 'This is great' so many fucking times and now I can't stop thinking about it. I just want to be a tall hippie cow man with pink hair, is that too much to ask? A combination of making every conversation a philosophical discussion and also forgetting what I'm supposed to be doing.

Caleb - @sapphic-theatre-fan You're officially the Smart One. Congrats. Caleb is a Certified Pretty Boy and so are you! Your personality traits include: being the common sense of the group, judging us, and also Social Anxiety Babey B) (also, he's a cat person but that's eh). You didn't get the chance to grow up like the people around you but you still have time to make the world a better place.

(Not technically part of the main cast but I have more thoughts I've thunk)

Reani - @thebeautifulmushroom An angel. A literal Disney princess. Tell me you would not want to be able to talk to animals, and also become an animal, and also, she's just the cutest. She makes cookies and tea and I can't help but think you would totally do that. You would also be a superhero too. It's called having Range <3. Also, if one of us were to have a strict moral code, it'd definitely be you-

Keg - @lesducks Unwarranted confidence meets being a Coward and the result is You (affectionate). I'm kidding! Mostly! You have made mistakes and spent years around people who led you to your darkest days but you also realized that finding good friends can make up for those days and make you better <3. Your character arc ends with kissing the other sarcastic mean girl in the group.

[river--glass]

Reylo Fic Recommendations: Monster Edition

In honor of Spooky Season, I wanted to make a list of fics in which one or both of them are more than human. Cryptids and creatures and monsters galore. (This one is for you, monsterfuckers.)

Demons

Count the Rings by Lachesisgrimm (olga_theodora). (E, Modern, 63K) When camping with her friends, Rey jokingly decides to marry a tree thats rumored to hold the spirit of a trapped man. Spoiler alert, the legends were true. Featuring accidental marriage, demon deals, and soft soft demon Ben. Sure there’s some angst and danger but this is mostly sweet and wonderful and Rey having dreams come true.

The Hand That Feeds by persimmone. (E, Victorian, 46K) Rey has managed to avoid unwanted male attention for thirty years, until the opening of a mysterious artifact burdens her with an accidental husband. Luckily, her new consort is not the average man. Or better, he's not... human. Featuring eldritch abomination Kylo who is so sweetly in awe and reverent of human Rey despite being powerful and older than the universe. And who also has... a tentacle form.

All The Ashes by neonheartbeat. (E, Modern, 37K) Rey, living in a terrible Brooklyn apartment and desperate to escape, posts a Craiglist ad as a half-joke seeking a marriage of convenience to just get the hell out of the country. It's unexpectedly answered by a mysterious Romanian count. Featuring soft monster Kylo, good friend Hux, and beauty and the beast elements. I loved this soft Kylo and thirsty Rey.

I Will Always Find You by kuresoto. (E, Modern, 24K) Featuring Lilith!Rey and Lucifer!Kylo. I love this. They fuck like monsters (and as monsters!) and Rey is the queen of hell and they're so viciously in love. Read It!!

Deliciously by @secretreylotrash. (E, Colonial, 18K) Puritan/Salem Witch Trials/The VVitch Inspired. Witches, demon Kylo, orgies, death... This was WILD.

The Devil’s Lucky Number by Avdal. (E, Modern, 10K) Pure smut. Demon Kylo shows up out of the blue for the sole purpose of making rey orgasm. It’s what she deserves.

The Devil You Know by KyloTrashForever. (E, Modern, 10K) In which Ben finds out the hard way that he shouldn’t play with old magic. AKA, lucky bastard dumb college student Ben accidentally summons himself a succubus girlfriend.

The Demon Within Me by Avdal. (E, Modern, 8K) Shameless demon Kylo smut.

Come To Me In The Clearing And There We Shall Dance by QueenOfCarrotFlowers @leofgyth . (E, 1600′s, 5K) She had been hoping he would find her - her only friend. Kylo. She supposes he’s a demon, or a devil, or one of the heathen gods, but she's never worked up the nerve to ask him and he has not volunteered that information.

Proposal by AKyloDarkly. (E, 4K) Lilith!Rey and Lucifer!Kylo.

Mercy by bunilicious. (E, Victorian, 3K) A Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde/Demon AU. AKA, Rey is thirsty for her demon husband and refuses to wait any longer.

Mothman/Mothlo

For Love of a Flame by thewayofthetrashcompactor. (E, Fantasy, 8K) The shadowy Order has advanced across the forest, bringing darkness in their wake. Rey is hungry and desperate, willing to face the Order themselves to steal back what they've taken from the land. What she finds there is not what she expects. Fairies/mothpeople! Weird! I’m into it!

Drawn to the Light of Your Burning Sorrows by Kyriadamorte. (M, Modern, 7K) Mothman Ben! Curious outcast Rey! This was the first mothlo fic I ever saw. Me when I saw this fic: Mothlo? Mothman Reylo?? God and Ryan Johnson have truly abandoned this fandom. Me after this fic: Mothman Kylo is the best boy and bring on the cryptids.

Macrolepidoptera by ceciliasheplin. (E, Modern, 3K) Rey runs after her Mothman to show him how much she loves him. Nothing like a 3K word fic that hits you in the feels at the same time that it’s giving you mothman smut filth. This fandom is magical.

Nature Spirits

Oh Autumn, Oh Teakettle, Oh Grace by diasterisms. (E, Modern, 31K) Ben Solo didn’t believe in dryads, until one snagged his coats and freed herself. She’s pure bliss and magic and he is captivated. If she has to go 2000 miles back to her tree, he might as well drive her there. Dryad Rey/smitten human Ben road trip! What a lovely fic!

Looking For a Breath of Life by Fighter_for_Solo. (T, Fantasy, 18K) Featuring Elf Prince Ben and human hunter Rey! A really delightful story.

I met you once — ( In a dream ) by persopilliankore. (E, Fantasy, 10K). Where Ben and Rey are soulmates and Ben is more than meets the eye.

Fearless by KyloTrashForever. (E, Fantasy, 6K) Featuring tree Ent Kylo and the softest tentacle porn you’ll ever read.

Sea Creatures. Mermaids, Selkies, OctaKylo, oh my!

Beyond the Veil by dachenbritta. (M, Modern, 40K). Deep within the waters of the Oregon coast, a lone mermaid longs for the man she's watched for years. Her wish of joining him comes true but comes at a cost. This was hilarious and emotional and such a great read.

Sirens by SageMcMage. (E, Fantasy, 21K) In which Merman Ben tries to woo Mermaid Rey by little gifts on her doorstep. Adorable! 

Yn Beisht Kione by Melusine11 @hellomelusine . (E, Modern, 5K) They say a beast roams the sea. Protecting a treasure long hidden in the Headland's caves. Some say it is the soul of a man killed by pirates to protect that treasure. Sailors have been known to throw casks of rum at the beast in the hopes of placating it, so they don't get eaten and can pass in peace. Most people though, don't believe he exists, and Rey is about to find out how wrong they all are.

I Found You by Kyoloren. (T, Fantasy, 5K) In which scavenger mermaid Rey finds a strange black T-shaped object in her waters on Kef Bir and is determined to return it to its owner. Mermaid Rey!Cute little fish people soulmates!

Octopussy by KyloTrashForever. (E, Modern, 5K) Three brothers at the beach plus one horny sea monster equals a lot of holes being filled. Smutty monster filth, no need to look for a deeper meaning than that. You like tentacle porn? Here ya go.

Live by the Sea, Love by the Tide by Twin_Kitten. (E, Fantasy, 4K) Rey and a few other mermaids escape the clutches of Unkar, and stumble into the territory of another pod of mermaids. Ben's pod. Soft caretaking mermaid Ben!

Where the Blue of the Sea Meets the Sky by HarpiaHarpyja @thisgarbagepicker . (T-E, Fantasy) A Short delightful little series featuring Selkie Ben and explorer Rey! I seriously cannot say enough good things about this author, do yourself a favor and go read EVERYTHING she’s ever written.

Tentacle Dick (that’s it that’s the plot)

Damnably Unbecoming by cuddlesome. (E, Canon-verse crack, 5K)

Froot (i've been saving all my summers for you) by kuresoto. (E, Canon-verse crack, 4K)

Vampires

In The Dark by KyloTrashForever. (E, Modern, 44K) A Dark Shadows AU!! It’s not “finished”, but it ends well where it is! Featuring vampire Ben who is very sorry about drinking blood and human Rey who is even thirstier than he is.

A Little Death (Goes a Long Way) by crossingwinter. (E, Modern, 23K) A Vampire & A/B/O AU. Weird and dark but I am here for it.

The Lioness by Lilia_ula. (E, Fantasy, 13K) Rey goes bravely to her death after being chosen as the village sacrifice, but upon meeting the beast things don’t go as planned. I love to see Reylo fics where they both revel in who they are and what they are together. Fascinating.

Beneath the Pale Moonlight by bunilicious. (E, Historical Recency, 15K) A fluffy fic about vampire Ben falling hard for Rey! 

The Curious Case of the Aquarist and the Vanishing Walrus by radioactivesaltghoul. (T, Modern, 6K) Rey loves spending time in the walrus enclosure at the aquarium she works at.Ben is a vampire with an unusual ability. This is bizarre and wonderful and just such a fun read. I think about this fic daily.

Werewolves

we decided not to kill the wolves (we wanted to be wolves) by crossingwinter. (E, Fantasy, 32K) A pack of wolves lives in the woods to the north of Raddus and as winter looms, they have their eyes set on Leia Organa’s stronghold. Rey may be new to Raddus, but she’s not about to do nothing while it may be in danger. And besides, Poe must be exaggerating about wolves the size of bears. She’s not afraid of monsters.

Howl by monsterleadmehome. (E, modern, 2K) When Ben Solo is trying to earn Eagle Scout status, he spends a night alone in the woods. A chance encounter with a werewolf girl named Rey leaves an impression. Ten years later, he runs into her again and this time, they're all grown up.

[arentwelost]

reactions to the bnha: heroes rising film

spoilers alert !

(i risked coronavirus to go to the cinema for this but no regrets because we all want to die anyway oof-)

the film was very 1a centred & that’s gr8 and all especially since we got to witness the bond they had between them & just. how incredibly amazing their teamwork is

but i really ,,, miss,,, aizawa (my fave, my tru love)

he had a total of 3 (?) scenes, each of them lasting like less than 10 secs - even toshinori had more scenes than that : (

but you know who even had less screen time (aka none),,, our boy,,, the valid purple son,,,, shinsou hitoshi : (

the person who had the most screen time was this new villain called nine and i really wanna yell begone thot at him because he was like “i want to create a utopia where the powerful rules” and i was like thinking,, yo that shit sounds like capitalism & neoliberalism

his character design was really pretty, but it didn’t make up for his ideology that came outta nowhere with no backstory - so it was really hard to empathise/sympathise

what makes a villain good is 1) sufficient backstory 2) being so damn predictable and familiar that you actually prefer them over every other new villain because better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know

anyway, what really slaps is kacchan’s fuckin character development !!

lil gremlin is still gremlin but ,, he’s working with other kids,, he’s minimising damage done to the area while fighting villains,, there was a scene of him all calm and shit while eavesdropping on izuku and katsuma (which once again proves that most of his anger is just a front he puts up in front of other people rather than a perpetual state, and ya know what, i love that introvertedness that he has),,, him being protective over the bakusquad and not blasting kaminari for teasing him,,, he and izuku fighting together like a hero duo ,,,, eye-

this movie really said bakugo character development hUH

anyway in the beginning when endeavour showed up and dabi and endeavour had this whole showdown with their fire quirks and we got this close up of endeavour’s thicc thighs and i was like :           ) we don’t stan for this here but at the same time i was like @ hawks damn ur daddy really be like that, huH

which reminds me of my whole spiel about dabi/hawks and endeavour/hawks : ‘ ) 

but yea. dabi was unfairly attractive and i just want death to consume me

okay so the plot was like,, the hero commission (aka the dodgy ass institution): how about sending the 1a kids to an island where there are no active heroes ??

so the 1a kids get yeeted off to an island,, and they are having fun helping the locals out !! (this is the wholesome content we all deserve)

jirou and yaomomo asdgjhskgjahkj

kacchan who stays at home the entire day because he’s on ~villain duty~ and there weren’t any villains so he just sits at home and read manga asdfghjkl that’s a hard Mood

kirishima looking like the cutie he is eye-

the bakusquad teasing kacchan by calling him “kacchan of bakugo”

how is maharo & katsuma so damn cute *angery fists*

but izuku really be adopting children left and right hUh

dadmight and dadzawa whomst i only know dadku

ochako & tsuyu are so cute wtf eye-

these villains are overpowered af wtf

wow i love 1a having each other’s backs their teamwork,, was ,,, so good,,, so smooth ,,, (*whispers* poly 1-a anyone ??)

everyone be losing until kacchan comes blasTing in, saving kirishima & kaminari with sheer determination and stubbornness and manages to defeat one (1) villain

not going to lie though i feel like mummy got done dirty like that

but i like the little nod to the provisional exam arc

the inflated izuku mahoro projected was the Cutest

anyway what really clapped was you know,, both izuku and kacchan being the smort cookies they are: “DIDN’T I TELL YOU THAT ONCE I’VE SEEN YOU USE IT, I HAVE A WAY OF COUNTERING IT?!" 

like oof

also i love how izuku is established as the image of hope (the saviour) and kacchan is established as the image of victory (the victor) - this whole “win to save” and “save to win” really got laid down really heavily

but we’re all hoes for that i guess

touga in her winter gear !!! eye-

yaomomo delivering the Goods (i.e. the cannons) 

a o y a m a : (

the moment i realised that tokoyami was in the cave, i knew the villain there was Done For 

i haven’t forgotten our resident eldritch abomination, dark shadow, y’all

i just ?? love ?? mina ???? so much ??????

ngl i didn’t know chimera was literally a chimera until this part i just thought he one big furry

oof

that flashback to endeavour’s advice when shouto was fighting chimera ?? the symBoLisM wow

shouto being able to rationally separate endeavour the hero and endeavour the shitty dad & using the advice endeavour gave him to empower himself -

- wipes tears

sero and ochako getting blasted away really badly by nine,,, and izuocha happens but we’ve all seen that before

it is kacchan,, ,, being protective of sero when he got yeeted,,,,, that is the Point 

THE BEST PART ABT THE SECOND LAST FIGHT WAS LITERALLY BKDK BEING SO IN SYNC WITH EACH OTHER’S MOVES THAT THEY WERE FIGHTING LIKE A HERO DUO ??

LIKE IZUKU KICKING THE VILLAIN, REBOUNDING OFF THE SHIELD,, AND THEN FLYING OFF JUST FOR KACCHAN TO GRAB IZUKU’S HAND AND FLING HIM BACK AT THE VILLAIN FOR A SECOND ATTACK

THE WHOLE HANDHOLDING THING IS STARTING TO COME OUT AS A MOTIF

AND I JUST WOW ,,, BKDK,, (platonic or romantic or otherwise) OUT HERE,, HOLDING HANDS AS EQUALS,,, SYMBOLIC OF THEIR CHANGING RELATIONSHIP,,,,

s h o u j i : ( protecting mahoro and katsuma with his body : ( big cuddle boy doesn’t deserve this pain !!!

don’t think i didn’t notice the film using the same bgm as the kamino rescue

it draws such a powerful parallel ??  back then it was kacchan who needed to be ‘saved'  but now it’s kacchan doing the saving & the winning - once again, such character development asdfghjkl

this film,, making me appreciate kaminari 10x more

also fellas is it gay to stare at your rival and being able to communicate non-verbally

bkdk detroit smashing the storm together & making a damn fucking hole in the stratosphere like all might,, dispelling the damn storm and letting sunlight filter in ?? that was some really obvious symbolism but regardless,,,, wow

this is the part where the whole twin stars motif really came right in kicking our houses down

kacchan breaking both of his arms because of one for all & all i can think of is ,, izuku,, stop sharing your bone breaking juice with people

i’m just thinking about how people @ izuku: wtf how do you deal with this bone breaking bs all the time

and izuku, pure bean: oh yea haha i thought it was normal ?? like everyone has to get used to their quirks like this ??

a concept: quirkless izuku not understanding how quirks are supposed to feel

anyway, dadmight cradling izuku in his arms only to leave kacchan a metre away ?? favouritism that we’re all here for

izuku : ( apologising : ( for : ( being : ( a : ( bad : ( successor : (

i just want to shake izuku’s shoulders & tell him that he did super well and that he shouldn’t be ashamed of himself and that he deserves everything good in this world

also imagine being so gremlin that all the one for all predecessors were like "nope we’re not dealing with this gremlin child, we prefer the pure broccoli” 

disappointed that hawks didn’t get enough screentime

but we got some hawks & tokoyami and ryuukyuu & ochako time

kacchan ~conveniently~ forgetting what happened ?? i smell something fishy

our local crusty boy shows up & ahh yes, there it is - the close up shot that like to remind us that he needs to Moisturise

everytime i see red shoes on shigs i just think about the parallels between shigs and izuku and my heart breaks all over again

the scene where shouto got hugged super uncomfortably by endeavour ?? oof. the entire cinema just simultaneously laughed and heard the shouuuuutooooo

katsuma being like like “i’m going to become a hero like deku & bakugo !” and kacchan’s acting all cool and shit, telling him “you better” while izuku is like “katsuma, you can become a hero !! we’ll wait for you at ua !!” because he saw himself in katsuma and wanted to be the person he wanted someone to be for him when he was young

breaking my own heart like this

imagine the first years in ten years though

they’re just going to be a bunch of teenagers izuku or 1-a saved or adopted

and they’re going to give aizawa so many more grey hairs than the current 1-a

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 4X1 Lazarus Rising

I did not need to look to know the title

I have my hot cocoa, the big screen, a blanket, a cat and the crushing weight of my sins

that is totally enough separation

let’s go see the crazy bee man

YOU SHOOK ME ALL NIGHT LONG IS THE FUCKING OPENING CARD I’M CRYING

IS IT ALWAYS GONNA BE AN ACDC SONG 

OH HELL YEAH

oh my god this TORTURE SEQUENCE HOLY FUCK

seriously 40 years he would not be well adjusted

did he scream “help” for forty years??

I can’t believe they actually fucking buried Jensen for this scene, I CANNOT

the visuals are HELLA EXCELLENT

this kinda looks like the field he dreamed about in the opening of the finale

oh my GOD THE VISUALS THE VISUALS THE VISUALS THE TREES THE CROSS THE SHADOW AAAAA

And yes, he does look very good

the hair looks great, not gonna lie

MISHACOLINS MISHA COLLINS M I S H A FUCKING C O L L I N  S 

How long has it been? three months or so I think?

the flashback to the torture, the no scars

THE HANDPRINT!! THE HANDPRINT THE HANDPRINT!

Boy what must this have been like live

Of course Busty Asian Beauties

the static? the radio that keeps going on?

is this why he calls it angel radio

Local Eldritch Abomination wants to say hi

poor Dean is hardcore panicking oof

and he tries all of the phones

no they’re not gonna believe it’s you Dean

~hotwires a car~

*goes after Dean*

“you’re about the closest thing I have to a father” AWWWWWw

THE FACT THAT BOBBY KEEPS TRYING TO STAB HIM

Aw man and you just got rid of all your scars

AWWWWW

NO THIS REUNION SCENE IS MAKING ME TEAR UP

He still had to try the holy water thing

HE LOOKED SO DONE IT WAS SO FUNNY

YEAH I KNOW IT’S BECAUSE IT WAS HALF LUBE

F O U R MONTHS

~lights out~ you’re lying, you have to be lying

and of course Sam goes angsting away like in mystery spot

poor Bobby

~this force, this presence~ I wonder wHo ThaT couLD bE

they’re convinced it’s whatever the fuck Sam did

“what don’t I know about that kid”

Bobby’s been drinking? aw? I mean terrible coping mechanism but

Is this Gen? I don’t know who’s who

So Sam wasn’t expecting

AHAHA BACK TO THE TRYING TO KILL HIM

“I’ve been through this already” AHAHAHA

what happened to his(Sam’s) hair it used to be fluffier

ah once again the *they’re dating* joke why did they keep doing that

...is Sam trying to,,,,become Dean...?

it...wasn’t Sam...Ohoho who could it be?

We all fucking know who it is where is ya fucking boy

this thing is a whodunit of who brought him back

So Sam’s been...spiraling

“who do you think you are, your old man” B U R N 

they’re doing the “did we bring him all the way back

MISSOURI???? PLEASE BE MISSOURI

AW HE’S WEARING THE SAMULET AWWWW

“I don’t remember a damn thing” YOU’rE LYING YOU HAVE TO BE LYING

oh yeah, he’s lying

remarkably well adjusted for forty years in the pit tho

AHAHA THE IPOD JACK

*chucks it behind him*

Sam you have psychic powers don’t you think you should explore that

“you didn’t want me to so I didn’t” oof

Dean takes *fear of the unknown* pretty far

No it’s the lady who calls Dean out?

Pamela Barnes

Does everyone know them as Bobby’s Boys that’s so cute

is that a ramones...shirt?

it’s a Band Shirt I just don’t know what 

the decor is like hard rock cafe y but cooler

ok so they flirt back and forth I see 

that’s a pretty big burn damn

C A S T I E L 

Please tell me she doesn’t die

Oh god he true forms her??

HER EYES ARE BURNED OUT WHAT THE FUCK

oho Diner Bar full of demons

and turns out the lock, fun

~to hell and back

the smile with “I’m not lying”

Aw it’s like he doesn’t normally have a good rebuttal

Fiercely Powerful Castiel that terrifies even the demons

OH RIGHT SERAPHS ARE LIKE SUPER SUPER POWERFUL RIGHT

Boy he’s seriously just...unphased now

“the smarter brother’s back in town” DAMN why is he so much more confident

Hell...really did a number on him

VISUALSSSS

THE FUCKING EVERYTHING GOING HAYWIRE

Cas just...doesn’t know how to talk to his crush, it’s fine

Local Wavelength of Celestial Intent just keeps breaking windows

And Dean’s Goddamn Ears apparently

oh wait it’s just Bobby and Dean oHO I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING

*we’re gonna get food* THEY DID IT BOTH WAYS YOU FUCKING-

COMMUNICATION

HE SWIPED THE KNIFE 

THE K N I F E 

they’re already burned out oh boy

They’re fucking blinded

BOY THEY FUCKING WENT A P E S H I T WITH HOW POWERFUL CAS IS

SAM JUST....PSYCHICALLY EXORCISED SOMEONE?? WOW??

DAMN that was neat

Oh is this Ruby? AH RUBY

dammit I wanna know what Sam’s been doing

BOY THEY’RE FUCKING B U I L D I N G THIS 

THE SHEER A M O U NT OF SIGILS

ooo VISUALS

Sam did you ask her why she’s so dead set on helping you

OHOHOHOHOHO

THE CLACKING SCARED MINA

DWIHRAWPAIHPAS

FUCK YES

they rly made Misha say “gripped you tight and raised you from perdition” huh

yes hurt Bobby that’s gonna help

I’m An anGel oF the Lord

HEY REMEMBER HOW ANGELS WERE ON YOUR BULLSHIT LIST

HE D O E S HAVE FAITH JUST NOT IN YOU

HE’s SO SMALL AND SCRUFFY LOOKING 

Holy Tax Accountant

“he actually prayed for this” KILLE DME JIMMY YOU FOOLE

“you don’t think you deserve to be saved” OH MY G O D 

AAHAHHHHHHHHHH

wrap up:

1. I wanna know more about Sam’s thing when Dean was gone, I’m intrigued to see what’s gonna happen next

2. Dean’s Startlingly Appalling Self Worth Issues come in, are back, and AT FULL SWING. the “you don’t think you deserve to be saved” followed by the micro expressions? O U C H

3. I do appreciate how they kept building the suspense, and how powerful they showed Castiel to be

4. CASSSS!! CASTIEL!!! ANGEL OF THEE LORD! ! HE LOOKS SO GODDAMN YOUNG IN THIS SEASON IT IS Y A B OY AHHHHH

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR THREE MONTHS IT IS HERE WELCOME TO C A S T I E L TI M E O NL Y 

is he only in like three episodes? sure

BUT IT’S STILL YA BOI 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[soyouareandrewdobson]

Doing something for fun: RPGs about broken anuses.

As promised, after the abomination that was the Sam arc, I am now going to write random posts about more positive/fun things. However, I also decided to add a little twist to them and correlate them in some way thematically to Dobson. E.g. by reviewing a game/show that does all the things Dobson hates/obsesses about/or fails at right.

 And my first entry in that regard is related to a videogame that came out a couple of years ago, based on a tv show Dobson claims to hate. South Park: The fractured but whole.

 Seeing how the game is 3+ years old at this time and there have been tons of reviews & walkthroughs showing how good and fun the game is, I do not really want to cover the plot and all the things that make it great in detail. Lets just say you can really feel that Parker and Stone were heavily involved in the writing of the game, as it is filled to the brim with references to the show and the typical satirical humor of it, that in parts manages to cross the line even further for me than the show. Right from the start you get a very dark but smart social joke and commentary out of the way, when as you set up your characters looks and the difficulty of the game, it is the tone of your skin that decides how hard the game gets. Meaning if you play as a black person, you are having a very hard time. It is not too preachy, just an acknowledgment that yes, in American society, blacks can have it harder compared to white people. Especially when living in a town like South Park, where social standing is pretty low and the police force is inherently corrupt and racist, doing something so outrageously to black people, I do not want to spoil it. Let’s just say it ends in a better Lovecraft joke than any of the shit SJWs did in light of censoring Call of Cthulhu board rpgs.

The overall plot is simple: While last time the kids played fantasy and things escalated quickly as they do in South Park, this time they play superheroes, with two fractions having formed: Coon and Friends vs the Freedom Pals and things escalating just as quickly. What starts off as the hunt for a missing cat to earn a 100$ reward Cartman wants to use to start a multi billion dollar movie franchise just like Marvel, turns soon into the player and his friends having to fight a real crime conspiracy thought up by one of South Park’s most nefarious characters, which also involves genetic mutations, time travel and eldritch horrors. Thankfully you, the “New Kid” from the last game, even after losing all your previous powers thanks to no one playing fantasy anymore, gain new superhero powers, make friends with the South Park kids again and even learn new fart techniques by none other than Morgan Freeman, that help you out along the way. All while also slowly revealing more about your backstory hinted on in the previous game and the tragedy of your dad having had intercourse with your mother.

 Being a South Park and RPG fan for years, I wanted to play this game for quite some time, but only managed to do so recently. And even if I spoiled myself massively over time with cutscenes and major battles online, this game is still fun (thanks in part also to the fact I watched the cutscenes years ago and by now forgot a lot of them).  The turn based battle system is way more interesting than last time by also depending on you positioning the characters on the field in a strategy based RPG style, there are lots of classes to choose and powers to combine (I myself going for elementalist, assassin, plantmancer and blaster currently) and you have a ton of allies in the game. The original cast of the four main boys, Jimmy and Butters has expanded significantly in this game with characters such as SUPER CRAIG, Clyde as the blood sucking MOSQUITO, Token as TUPPERWARE and Wendy as the social media huntress CALL GIRL (yes, that is her name) and they all are fun to interact and play with, with each one having their own unique sets of moves and finishers once again. Even outside of the battle, thanks to the writing, there are always great lines from them to get when interacting or taking missions from them. I especially came to love Tweek and Craig, who are not just decent fighters (Tweek in particular is a great elementalist) , but in this game are also now a couple ever since that yaoi episode from South Park. Helping them reconcile after a bad break up over the course of the game just feels surprisingly nice, mostly because unlike other LGBT celebrating media out there (Korra and She Ra  e.g.) none of the characters crosses some sort of moral line where you question why they deserve to be together (Hello, Catra), it is not heavily handed garbage fishing for brownie points and it is obvious through dialogue and actions they care for each other, even if they are at first going through a bad break up as only South Park could ridiculously portray it.

 Overall, the game is also surprisingly “inclusive” and socially relevant without being preachy about it, if you ask me. From the aforementioned skin color thing, to LGBT representation via Tweek and Craig, the police being involved in a plot that especially nowadays is sadly more relevant than ever (mind you, I do not believe that in real life all cops are bad, but in my opinion bad eggs on both sides certainly led to the current situation in the US and that is all I say) to the fact you can over the course of the game decide not just if you are playing as a boy or a girl, but even something in-between, a cis-/transgendered person and decide your race, religion as well as to whom you are sexually attracted to. Granted, I barely see how it has any bearing on the game’s plot, but I appreciate the following things: a) the inclusion of the possibility to decide on those factors itself, making creating your character even more fun (a basic right others demand for certain games nowadays in all the wrong ways) and b) that the game does not make the biggest of deals about it. See, I am under the impression that often times the most progressive and inclusive thing is to just let the story and personality of a character speak for itself, instead of the fact that it also identifies by a specific gender, sexuality, race or other allignment. In fact focusing on those things on a character only is something I consider ”positive stereotyping”, which for me is just racism in the opposite direction. And if you no think I am going off track here and need to be beaten up by someone who genuinely has some grip on pc culture, don’t worry. This game features PC Principal actually doing an ok job teaching you about microaggressions in his typical PC Principal manner, which in itself becomes a relevant move in future battles and is hilarious to watch. Speaking of the new kid, putting things like your chance to gender identify yourself with it in more detail (which you can also adjust again later on in game if you feel like it) aside, for a silent protagonist he/she/it can have a nice level of debt to it, if you look too much into it.

 Not only does it have a funny backstory explaining its fart and social media powers, there are recurring scenes of the kid’s parents being on each others throat and the kid just silently eating dinner for the night that genuinely feel sad and create sympathy in our little FartLord to the point you just want the kid to go out there, have an adventure and hopefully find a way to change its parents for good, cause it is obvious they love the kiddo, but damn do they need to cut off the substance abuse.

 Storywise you get something out of this game that is way more entertaining and hilarious than the last two seasons of the show combined (FUCK the season of 2019) and game content wise you are also rewarded with a lot of shit, just for exploring the town. Be it you finding hidden yaoi fanart that earns you money, your allies helping you solve puzzles that reward you with exp and new costumes to further customize your outfit, making new friends on Coonstagram by taking selfies with all the major and minor characters of the town, helping Big Gay Al finding his missing cats, stumbling upon Memberberries, forging new artifacts to increase your strength, finding summons… all stuff that helps you not just gain exp and become stronger, but also makes you enjoy going through South Park outside of the main story content. In fact I spend a majority of my first twelve hours in this game only wrapping up the prologue missions and first two chapter of the game, while otherwise talking with as many people in town as possible, exploring the stores and houses, doing side missions etc. just for the fun of interacting with the characters and the world they are part of.

 Now, how does all of that relate to Dobson?

Well lets see…

 Game based on something he hates that has however rightfully more success than he ever deserves, with lots of political commentary and satire for years in its humor? Check.

 Game itself having more of that commentary done right then Dobson in his own comics and story attempts? Check

 LGBT representation via Tweek and Craig as well as Big Gay Al that does not feel too stereotypical despite Al himself being extremely stereotypical in design? Check

 Some pretty decent/hilarious female characters in the game once you know them? (again, Call Girl and Classi, who fucks the L out of the A-S-S) Check.

 Being a style of game he hates for no apparent reason, but executed well (RPGs)? Check

 Thematically focused on superheroes, a trend he is obsessed about, but here both appreciating while also poking good fun at common tropes of it and the marketing of the MCU, in doing so just highlighting how much of a mindless consumer Dobson is? Check

 Being a game where you can also play as any gender and race and its not turned into a “groundbreaking” industry changing feature pandering to minorities that in the eyes of corporations are just a market to exploit, not people? Check

 Heck, if Dobson was not a biased idiot, the game would be perfect for him. It even panders to his toilet fetish in videogames.

 Kid you not: a mini game in the game itself features the possibility to go to every toilet in town and shit in it. The process of defecation itself being a rhythm game and you earning exp from it once you took enough dumps. And considering Dobson once spend hours in Skyrim looking for outhouses, that sounds right up Dobson’s back alley.

 Bottom line, this game is fun. If you like South Park, superheroes and RPGs, this game is perfect for you. And seeing how it has been a few years since it came out, I think it should be possible to get a cheap copy of it somewhere. Go on, play it. But always remember: Never fart on another dude’s balls. It is just not the polite thing to do.

[alexadru]

White Knight - Irreplaceable

Teams RWBY and JNR had been in Atlas for weeks, doing various mission for general Ironwood and accompanying his Special Ops group of specialists. They had been inducted and instructed to shadow either individuals or groups of the Ace Ops on their tasks of protecting the Kingdom of Atlas, Mantle included.

The purpose of these special regime was for teams RWBY and JNR to obtain an official license. Licenses that would enable them immunity and other privileges as qualified Huntsmen and Huntresses. With their school year interrupted at Beacon, this was the best opportunity for them to quickly progress and continue with their own mission of gathering the relics and stopping Salem.

Right now, Weiss Schnee found herself in her assigned room, one that her sister had insisted on having Weiss be in. The Atlesian Specialist had also given each of her friends a room where they would have privacy and the necessary amenities. While the effort was unnecessary as she had no issue sharing space with her team, the white haired girl was grateful that she was away from the Schnee mansion.

One day Weiss knew she would have to deal with her father properly, but for now she was content to bide her time and focus on her current objectives.

Speaking objectives, somewhere along the line, Jaune Arc had become one of her main objectives. In between aiding the Specialists and their training, Jaune's growth had simply accelerated to a degree almost none of them could replicate. With new style, improved weapons and increasing competence, the boy was becoming a veritable Huntsman in his own right.

However, that was not what kept her attention on him. No, the reason for her interest was much more personal. He had become her boyfriend. The story on how that happened would have to wait for another time as Weiss now preferred to relax after having just finished an assignment in the Schnee mines.

The blonde boy had decided to keep her company and joined her in her private quarters. A gesture which she appreciated. The girl was still not entirely comfortable with public displays, an idea reinforced by Yang's constant teasings making her want to introduce the loud girl to the pointy blade of Myrtenaster.

But, Weiss digressed. Instead of wasting brain cells on Yang, she's rather enjoy her current activity, resting her head against Jaune's shoulder as they both sat on the bed of her room. Weiss had grown to enjoy this quiet time between them where she would simply hold his hand and allow herself to bask in his warmth.

Their relationship was going good, far better than Weiss would have expected. Their time together wa spent with them deepening their bond and learning about each other. Supporting each other with every opportunity. Like the former heiress mentioned, things were great... except for one thing.

Something that was constantly nagging Weiss ever since they started their relationship. A fear born out of a random thought that she allowed to get out of control, something that made her feel ashamed for developing in the first place. It was why she hadn't brought it up to Jaune yet, but as her feelings grew stronger so did her worry.

Today she had been more obvious than ever with how quiet she's been and her boyfriend had finally asked about it.

Jaune: "Is something wrong?" He asked carefully, almost sensing that she had something on her mind.

She did, but voicing her thoughts was not easy.

Weiss: "Jaune, do you think we started this relationship too soon?"

In hindsight, her choice of words was rather poor as her boyfriend could have easily interpreted the message as the 'breakup talk'. To show him that a split between them was not her intent, she gripped his hand tighter and looked at him intently.

Weiss: "We became a couple only a few days after we realized that we liked each other. There was no dating, no movies or other activities people usually do before they decide to pursue a serious relationship."

While both may have held feelings of affections for each other, to simply become boyfriend and girlfriend was a but unusual. At least for Weiss who always imagined at least a few weeks of proper courting before they could progress.

The boy understood her question. Weiss was worried if their relationship had started from their growing feelings or by some unspoken need for a distraction amidst all the chaos. Jaune couldn't say for sure, but he could answer honestly.

Jaune: "I don't think we could have gone on dates like a normal couple, not in our position." Wasn't that the truth? Embarking on a life or death mission against an eldritch abomination that was the Queen of Grimm was far from normal.

In spite of their impossible task, Jaune shared a loving smile.

Jaune: "But I don't think this is wrong. We don't get to spend that much time together, but in the one we do I got to learn more about you in these last few week that I ever would have thought possible." Jaune had always held the girl in high regards. Even after the Beacon dance, while his feelings for her had changed, they still remained strong. There was something about Weiss that resonated with his entire being and it made it almost physically impossible for him to not care for her.

Even after months of separation, when he saw her again after she had arrived with Yang at the house in Haven, his entire body filled with a warmth that had been absent for months.

Feeling his positivity, Weiss couldn't help but respond with her own angelic smile. In Jaune's humble opinion, she really deserved to be called 'Snow Angel'.

For Weiss, it was a mystery how his simple words brought her reassurance. She could remember all their private talks since they got together and how she felt like she had grown closer to him after each one. Perhaps dating in the traditional sense was not something they needed. Of course, once they actually had a window and an opportunity of normalcy, Weiss would grab him by the hand and drag him to enjoy the usual pleasures a couple would engage in.

But as they were, their lack of proper conduct didn't seem to have impacted their relationship negatively. They shared enough meaningful time for them to deeped their feelings. Weiss had never been closer emotionally to the boy and she enjoyed every moment with him. But with this cleared, it was almost impossible now for her to...

Jaune: "There's something else, isn't it?"

There was and Weiss internally cursed at how well he got at reading her. While the sentiment that her boyfriend understood her filled her with warmth, it also put the white haired girl in a tough spot.

Deciding that there was no way way to do this, Weiss decided to be direct.

Weiss: "Pyrrha..." She froze after she spoke the name. With the corner of her eye, she looked his was to gauge the reaction of her words.

Jaune simply looked at her, waiting patiently for her to say what was pressing her.

Weiss: "I am not her. I can't be her and..." With a sharp pause, her gut clenched, almost ashamed to bring up his dead partner. "I don't want you to see me as her replacement." Eyes closed shut, hoping to frown out the world.

Weiss had finally confessed what had been bothering her. After hearing herself out loud, the girl wanted to slap herself across the face.

The girl had always prided herself as a person for her personal achievements and felt like she had grown a lot since her early days at Beacon. So why did her body feel with insecurity when she thought about his partner? When she imagined Pyrrha Nikos and what the girl meant to her boyfriend?

Jaune: "Weiss..." He whispered her name slowly.

Weiss: "I'm sorry. I know I'm horrible for thinking like this of her." Her small body began shaking as she tried her hardest to not meet his eyes. Were it not for the hand he had around her shoulder, Weiss would have most likely separated for him.

Jaune: "Hey, it's fine." His fingers brushed away the tears that had started to run down her cheeks at some moment in her emotional moment.

Weiss: "I know that I can't possibly replace her in your heart, but I don't want you to see someone else instead of..." The girl sobbed quietly, her heart hammering in her chest as she released all the pent up emotion. "I don't want you to see me as someone other than Weiss Schnee."

Jaune brought her in a gentle embrace, burying her head in his chest. The blond felt her hands encircle her shaky hands around his body, holding tightly onto his shirt. He waited patiently for his girlfriend to calm down. She had after a few minutes.

Jaune: "Are you feeling better now?" He watched the girl tried to dry the rest of her tears. The crying had left her with puffy, red eyes and cheeks. The light amounts of make up she used had been ruined and had dried on her skin. He felt his heart clench seeing the normally confident and self assured girl so small and vulnerable. His hands held her a bit tighter.

Weiss simply nodded, not trusting her voice yet.

Jaune released a breath and lifted her face with a finger. Deep blue met icy blue, a wave of emotions behind each pair.

Jaune: "You're right about Pyrrha. There's no one that can replace her, but you're being silly, you know that?" He allowed a bit of mirth in his voice, hoping to calm his girlfriend.

She regarded him with a curious look.

Jaune: "Because there isn't anyone that can replace you in my heart either. You're Weiss Schnee, the girl that I love. The only one that I have ever loved romantically. There's no other person in this world that made me feel like you did. You should know that by now, Snow Angel."

He leaned forward a planted a soft kiss on her right cheek before moving to give the other one a kiss.

Weiss' hands found his body again, holding the front of his shirt and pressing herself closer to his warm body, enjoying how her petite frame fit so well against his much larger one.

Weiss: "I'm sorry." She whispered another apology before her lips finally curled into a smile as his arms squeezed her closer. "I love you too." The girl confessed shily, feeling heat rush into her cheeks. The night had been loaded and she chose at the moment to not partake in it by burying her face in his chest. Cuddling with her big, warm and loving boyfriend sounded more like what she wanted to do.

Finding himself captured, Jaune chuckled at his predicament and did the only thing he could do. His lips found the top of her pretty white hair and then the boy pulled her down with him to rest on her bed.

They remained like that until sleep claimed them.

[shadows-twilight]

RWBY Volume 7 Finale

Man, it feels like only a few weeks ago we were celebrating RWBY's return, yet here we are again, saying goodbye. Without further ado, here are my various thoughts and opinions on the finale of RWBY Volume 7, "The Enemy of Trust"

SPOILERS BELOW:

This opening fight is nothing but classic Neo and I can't help but love it for that.

Oh, right. Ironwood included JNR and Oscar on that Wanted Poster, and so the military is looking for them. Kinda forgot about that.

Damn, I think Cinder's "I refuse to starve" monologue just did more for her character building than the entire Mistral Arc combined. Jessica Nigiri's delivery was pretty damn impressive, too.

Moving the fight outside did some amazing things for what was already a breathtaking battle. Whoot, Winter also has a Manticore summon? I love how they gave Winter and Weiss the same Semblance, and yet managed to personalize them to such an extent.

I don't know if watching JNR run in circles while Oscar trails breathless behind them was supposed to be humorous, but it certainly was regardless

Not gonna lie, they got me with that Nora fakeout. Totally thought she was real until I saw the spiky umbrella. Oof, Neo got Ren with that Maes Hughes maneuver. It's not quite the Pyrrha illusion we were all hoping for, but it came pretty close.

Crying Ren is not a fun Ren. It makes me feel things I'd rather not ;~;

I was hoping that Fria would wake up and contribute to the fight, and BY GOD SHE DID NOT DISAPPOINT!!! THIS IS AMAZING!!!

I love how concerned Winter sounded for Penny when she jumped into the cold storm. Them having this relationship is one of the highlights of Penny's return for me.

Angry Ren makes me both sad and scared. Ren is really putting me through the ringer today, isn't he.

Pietro and Maria are probably one of my new favorite duos. They have yet to have a bad scene, either separately or together.

There's always something really tragic about seeing elderly people who's minds are going. I mean, I can only imagine what kind of powerhouse Fria must have been in her heyday.

I admit, I was with Ironwood on this one. When I first saw Oscar descending that elevator, I fully expected to find out he was actually Ozpin. Oscar really managed to pull off that presence.

CRWBY really did right by Oscar this volume. With Ozpin gone, it gave our favorite farmboy a chance to really grow into his own, and dear lord did he take that chance and run with it.

Damn. Ironwood really just completed his decent into proper, full blown villainy, didn't he? I can't say I didn't see this coming, I feel like the groundwork for this was laid out as far back as Volume 3, but even so, what a sight to behold.

For a show that likes to include a gun into almost every single weapon imaginable, never has a gunshot felt like such a proper gunshot as it did when Ironwood shot Oscar.

I've always wondered what would happen if someone just cut off Cinder's Grimm arm. I mean, it's certainly an easy enough target, what with the lack of aura protection and all.

How long of a drop is this tunnel? Is this how Palpatine felt at the end of Return of the Jedi?

PENNY IS THE NEWEST WINTER MAIDEN AND...ok, are the Maiden Eye Flames connected to Aura color? Because there is no other justification I can think of for the Winter Maiden's eye flames to be green.

Ozpin's monologue is for some reason giving me some serious Red vs Blue feelings. Specifically Epsilon's final speech. This is in no way a complaint.

Winter seems to be battling between accepting that Penny is the Winter Maiden and being bitter at the fact that the thing her entire military career had been grooming for is now gone. I find this interesting.

Apparently this song was written by Casey herself? I must say, this is one hell of a debut. I am getting ALL OF THE FEELS FROM IT!!!

OF COURSE QROW'S STILL CARRYING CLOVER'S PENDANT! BECAUSE THIS EPISODE STILL HASN'T STABBED US IN THE HEART ENOUGH YET!!!

I really feel for Winter's struggle between choosing Weiss or Ironwood. I mean, sure, WE know that Ironwood has lost it and become a straight up villain now, but she hasn't seen any of that and has been loyal to him for what I imagine to be all of her adult life. That isn't something that's easy to just throw away, especially when she hasn't seen the full extent of it yet.

Wow, Cinder, are you really planning to just present the lamp to Salem as if it was entirely your accomplishment and just leave Neo as an afterthought? It's going to be so satisfying when she stabs you in the back.

Oh, so Watts is still alive. Good to know.

Oh cool, Oscar learned to use Ozpin's shield ball from Volume 3! It's so nice seeing the classics return.

God those storm clouds are foreboding. I mean, probably because we know what's coming, but still.

Ah yes, the old "Hide the Eldritch abomination behind storm clouds only to illuminate it's silhouette with lightning" effect. There's a reason the classics never go out of style.

HOLY SHIT!!! SALEM HAS A MONSTRO WHALE GRIMM!!! SALEM HAS SIN HIMSELF ON HER SIDE!!! Whelp, it was a good run, RWBY, but I guess this is where it ends. This is where we all die.

Ooh, Salem has a new look. I must say, I love it. Nothing says "Queen of Darkness" like spinal armbands.

Wow. Forget ending Chapters on cliffhangers, now we've graduated to full Volumes. Gutsy. This end credits song is amazing. I mean, it's sad, yet incredibly energetic. I really can't wait for the soundtrack to drop, I have a feeling it's going to be a really good one.

As someone who follows Miles on Twitter, it really hurt my heart to see Meatball in the "Additional Security" section. Rest in peace, bestest boy. Pretty jarring having a Volume Finale without an end-credits scene. I mean, that's a series first, right? Still, according to Kerry it was because they wanted to just focus on the show and avoid any crunch time, so I can't really to be upset about it. Can't really imagine what would've fit anyway, that final shot of Salem was a perfect way to close off the Volume. So that was Volume 7, and I must say, HOLE. LEE. SHIT!!! Despite the odd bump here and there, this volume still turned out to be AMAZING!! The improved fights, the wonderful new characters, the different twists and turns to the story, there is just so. much. to. praise. CRWBY has really outdone themselves with this volume, and while certain plot elements weren't handled the best, and certain decisions were made that I'm not entirely happy about *cough*Clover*cough* I still can't help but feel that they managed to bring us one of the most well put together volumes we've has in a long time. Everyone in the CRWBY deserves to really pat themselves on the back for this volume, and I certainly can not wait until Volume 8. Until next time, fellow Huntsmen and Huntresses.

Keep Moving Forward.

[doctorsupernova-archive]

Cats: My Postmortem

I lived bitch. And this is getting a full post because it deserves it

The movie, no exaggeration, starts out like a descent into hell. Complete with red neon in the dark and 80s horror movie style synths

Never in my life have I seen a movie so fixated on its cast’s crotches, like the amount of shots that zoom right between the main characters’ legs is distressing

Distressingly horny. That’s the best way I can describe the way these cats gyrate across the screen

The soundtrack was actually really good, but damn, the songs never let up. It got to the point that whenever a new character showed up I was like “oh boy, are you going to sing at length about who you are”

That one comment I made when the trailer came out was right, this is just Too Many Cooks, it’s a purgatory where the sitcom intro never stops

I thought the movie had reached peak creepy early on with those cockroaches, that they couldn’t top that, but I was a fool. In the next scene one of the cats pulls the main character’s foot towards his mouth and I felt myself recoil in horror as my soul tried to leave my body

I wish there could’ve been a camera capturing my reactions like on roller coasters because I knew I was making some Faces

I was disappointed that we were in a quiet theater and not a Rocky Horror tier shitfest or at the very least had the theater to ourselves. I had to stifle my wheezes and carefully whisper my commentary to my friends so I wouldn’t bother the poor old people and child in that auditorium

So. The effects. They weren’t only creepy but so... inconsistent. Like some cats very clearly had smoothed-out fur on their faces but then with others it just looked like human skin? Especially noticeable with Grizzabella or however you spell her name

And the reviews I’d seen were right, Idris Elba just looked naked in his musical number and I didn’t like it

The scale of the cats was just off too, like sometimes I bought them being the size that they were when they were inside houses and such but that dance on the train railing was such bullshit

Speaking of effects, we apparently got the unedited version, as you can see from her ring there

I thought that meant I’d keep an eye out for Judi Dench’s human-hands-with-wedding-ring in an occasional shot they forgot to add the effect to, but no. They’re not only consistently human but they also make any hands that touch them look human too, like they project an anti-special-effects aura

(Also they call her Old Doot at some point)

And then I kept looking at everyone’s hands and second-guessing whether they’re supposed to look the way they do or not, like I saw rings on multiple cats’ hands, were they supposed to all be wearing those or were they not edited out? Who knows? Not me

Poor, poor Gandalf. Also obligatory “you shall not pass” vibes when he yote that cat off the plank

The thought occurred to me “I hope Victoria goes with the magic cat and not the bland gray cat, all he does is spout exposition” but then I immediately thought “wait... that’s all any character does in this movie”

That said, Magical Mister Mistoffles was the closest thing to a cinnamon roll in this world of eldritch abomination

Victoria and Grizzabella were in love, you can’t tell me otherwise, and the fact that the story of redemptive lesbian love I’ve always wanted came in the form of fucking Cats makes me think I made a wish on the Monkey’s Paw and then forgot I did it

Actually I started just daydreaming about my own story ideas towards the third act of the movie (insofar as this movie even has acts) as a coping mechanism because this movie just goes on and on

When Grizzabella fucked off into the sky I leaned to my friend and said “it’s like when Squidward got sent to the great beyond” in one of my finest moments watching this picture

(The other finest moment was when I started quoting Hurt during her first song. You could have it all, my empire of dirt...)

The ending of this movie is Old Doot looking straight at the camera and going, “If you want an explanation for what you just saw, fuck you, you’re not getting any. Also we’re not dogs apparently. That’s the moral, dickhead”

First words out of my mouth when the credits started: “Good Post”

So now I’m laying in a catatonic haze, but I hatched a Pichu with a cute little hat on the way home, so I’m taking that as a sign that there’s still light in the world

[caemthe-a]

Some differences and similarities ( in physical appearance ) between Myth Cú and Fate Cú

So I know I like to joke about all of the Fate Cú Chulainn’s character design and their terrible fashion sense but, in all honesty, and surprisingly, they aren’t that far away from the truth in a couple aspects. Though in another ( and the most important from my point of view ) ones, they completely missed the point. But the only thing I’m 100% certain about is that here is that it’s practically impossible to come up with a character design that is faithful to the original because, for starters, Cú Chulainn’s appearance is never the same when he’s described and it’s not even a minor contradiction like saying he had one hair color in one story and another similar color in the next one, I’m talking about from going of ‘melancholic, dark, short, pale’ to ‘this freaking kid had 3 different hair colors! and also 7 bright, red dragon-like pupils! and also !!!!’ Listen, I love it.

Alright, so now that I mentioned how ??? was Cú, these are the constant characteristics that Myth Cú had and how Fate Cú is either a bit similar or if we were robbed.

Myth Cú was tiny! Extremely tiny! The tiniest tiny that ever tiny! Just a little hound, a Cúcuc, a little lad, a little deer... Like I joke you not, this guy was a smol and this is something Fate and a lot of other modern media that have their own Cú refuse to acknowledge, which I find incredibly terrible because, despite being depicted as the manly protagonist of the story, his appearance was that of a small, pretty, beardless boy. Yes, Cú has always been very anime. And this is important because his youthful, ‘unmanly’ appearance was the reason why Cú had to constantly prove himself as a capable warrior and something that caused conflict ( that end with murder -thank you, Cú, never change- ) in his tales. Also, this is probably why he was angry and throwing hands all the goddammed time, the guy was practically a chihuahua.

The only possible explanation I can think of why any of the Fate Cú is above the 1.80m is that he got so tired of being mocked for his short height is that, when given the opportunity, he decided to make himself appear at least one whole foot taller than what he actually was. Ritsuka vc: Weren’t you supposed to be a short guy? Cú Chulainn vc: NO! I’VE NEVER EVER BEEN SHORT IN MY LIFE! WHO’S THROWING THIS SLANDER-?! 

Myth Cú was beautifulTM! Alright, so all the Fate Cú are very handsome ( uwuwuwu ) but handsome isn’t the same as beautiful and Fate doesn’t put much emphasis on how beautiful Cú actually was unlike the Myth version. So the thing is that Cú had this youthful, ethereal and somewhat feminine appearance and that he was beautifulTM. But just how beautifulTM was Cú? I already mentioned on other posts that he was so beautiful that the men of Ulster feared that he would ‘steal their wives and ruin their daughters’, but also was so beautiful that people would go *sighs dreamily* whenever he walked near them. He was so beautiful that one time when he put on a festive attire, the women were climbing on top the men because they also wanted to look at that limited edition Cú. He was so beautiful that a fomorian ( or pirate ) that had arrived to take a princess as his slave also looked at Cú and spontaneously decided that would take him as well ( but no worries, Cú murdered the guy a minute after ).

And this is when things get a little creepy! He was so beautiful that Uathach, Scathach’s daughter, was practically heavy-breathing outside his door while he slept. And he was so beautiful that staring at him too much could make you go mad and curse you so staring at the pretty boy wasn’t very wise. He got plenty of undesired attention which kind of lead him to his death tbh. So maybe... that wasn’t a good thing.

Myth Cú was an Eldritch Abomination! But Liri, wasn’t Cú Chulainn supposed to be beautifulTM? Yeah... listen, monster-fuckers are valid and deserve rights. So the thing is that Cú could do this very cool thing that was called the ríastrad, which was some kind of battle frenzy in which he went absolutely feral and killed everything in sight and he was very, very angry and his body temperature skyrocketed to the point where he could evaporate water when it came in contact with his skin, and he bleed and he SCREAMED and also his insides turned outside so it was a very fun thing.

Though I already mentioned at the start that in a couple cases that his not-ríastrad appearance isn’t consistent in the stories but in some of them he supposedly has dark hair and very odd and bright eyes. Fate kind of got that right. Fate Cú’s eyes are red, which isn’t technically wrong because it’s a bright color; and his hair is ‘naturally’ blue, which, again, not wrong because it’s a dark color. And while it’s far from the ( sometimes ) real Eldritch-like appearance of Myth Cú, it does serve the purpose of showing that Cú’s appearance wasn’t that of a human or natural. After all, he was a monster demigod! Also, bonus points for the sharp teeth and cute fang because honestly who doesn’t love them?

Myth Cú had... an interesting fashion sense? Listen, I don’t know how to word this but... uhh.... sometimes Myth dressed normally but other times he used plenty of layers of armor and clothing and sometimes 20+ shirts. Why? I suppose he wanted to look broader ( and less tiny ) ? The funny thing is that sometimes Emer helped him dress up so I can’t help it but assume that neither Emer or Cú knew what the fuck they were doing or how one is supposed to dress for a battle or what the hell is happening, someone save them. Proto Cú got that ‘too many layers of clothing’ thing right to a certain degree so kudos for him. And we all know of the neon Hawaiian shirt + leather pants combo and many other things and it’s exactly what Cú Chulainn would’ve wanted. So I’m pretty it wasn’t intentional but Fate kind of hit the target here.

But what about the blue spandex? Why does FSN Cú look like a stripper dipped in blue paint? Alright, so!!! Polybius and Diodorus Siculus pointed out that some celtic tribes preferred to fight naked as it gave them a boost of confidence, thought it gave them an advantage over the armored ( and therefore slower ) enemy, and it also was highly intimidating. The blue paint came from berries. Since Fate couldn’t make Cú walk around completely naked, blue spandex was the next closest thing? I kind of get it but Myth Cú would’ve rather use 20+ shirts.

And finally...

Myth Cú was super trans-coded! Which is kind of unrelated ( not really, this is of great importance and extremely valid ) to what I’ve been writing so far but my blog my rules and I love making reminders that I headcanon Cú Chulainn as trans. And... I think that this part is pretty self-explanatory with what I’ve been writing about Myth Cú’s physical appearance and how he had to constantly prove that he was man enoughTM in his stories? Other interesting parts of Myth Cú on this topic include: Being the only Ulster warrior that wasn’t affected by the curse that affected all Ulster men; people don’t recognize him nor believe he’s the real Cú Chulainn until he proves himself; having only one kid ( Connla ) despite being married and have plenty of lovers in a time when birth control wasn’t that effective and heroes tended to have many, many children; Medb comparing him to an adolescent girl; the manner in which some of his actions are described in his battle against Ferdiad, like when Cú was keening like a woman, which is intensely interesting because of the Irish tradition of keening women. Thank you very much.

[tumblunni]

DR SNAP I LOVE YOU AAAAA

guys I just heard about a NEW SCIENCE GRANDPA *slams fist on the table* FUCK YEAH I will hug all the this one specific character type until the end of time

What's even better is that he seems to straight up actually be Nice Hojo, aka the first science villain I ever liked and then was Incredibly Betrayed By when he turned from funny sassy sidekick guy to child abuse fetal experimentation super duper ultra murder potentially-rape-potentially-domestic-abuse man. And then incredibly confused when his final boss fight tried to be all feelsy and sad and I was just like ok so we are backpedalling to what I wanted him to be but it is too late sorry!! Still the best boss fight ever tho, fuckin punch him in the face three times in increasing monsteriness for not living up to my cute gramp hopes. ALSO HOW DARE YOU BECOME A COOL MONSTER TOO, YOU DONT DESERVE SUCH A NEAT DESIGN

So yeah

This dude

IS CUTE GRAMP AND ALSO ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME MONSTER DESIGN???

Underappreciated man Dr Snap from Dragon Quest Monsters: Joker 1! Also his monster boss form is called Dr Snapped and I'm just like mmyes gud pun, thankyee

He is still a mad science villain yes, but he is very polite and endearing and round and soft!! And has a spooky final boss form that's even more terrifying than Helletic Hojo and has a cool aesthetic with the floaty orbs and also lil skittery centi-legs. Pretty much the only thing I don't like here is the weird jowls, I dunno why but that creeps me out the most. I guess just cos it looks close to a normal human face but like if the cheek meats were all sliced up and melting. Thankfully the game doesn't seem to indicate that he's in pain in any way, so that's a relief. He' like WEIRDLY POLITE AND CHEERFUL ABOUT EVERYTHING INCLUDING BECOMING A HELLBEAST

Good boy. Soft mans. Sweet grampe.

"oh whoopsie doopsie I appear to have dropped my arms and earlobes, sorry about that sonny"

Srsly he's not going "I'm a monster"in horror here, his next line is basically "yay this wasn't part of my plan but this is even better!"

His entire villain plan is just cos he loves and cherishes monsters too much, and embodies all the virtues of a monster tamer to a dangerous extreme. He thinks monsters are more pure and good than humanity and the only way to truly get humanity to live with them in peace is to let monsters take over the world entirely. And he's like "oh golly gosh my dream came true" when he becomes the world's scariest goddamn Frankenstein centipede, and is happy that he can fix the world even more super duper double much by making everyone become monsters too! It'll solve all problems!! Somehow!! The key to eternal peace is becoming cute abominations like me, yay!!

Srsly wtf he's so endearing I absolutely adore him AND ALSO HIS PHILOSOPHY IS BASICALLY THE SAME AS ME WHEN IM PLAYING ANY GAME WHERE I HAVE TO FIGHT MONSTERS. Like I was excited about this joker game in the first place cos I always feel sad having to kill all those cute designs in the dragon quest series!!! I wanna be their friend!!! It's a shame that this came out before dqix tho so it doesn't have that cute cow pattern vampire bat thingie or the slug with lips. THEY WERE MY FOREVER FRIENDS

So yeh I'm kinda sad that from what I've heard the game isn't sympathetic to Dr Snap at all despite making him FUCKIN ADORABLE and his entire motives being exactly the same as yours, just corrupted. I would have expected some sort of ending where you can convince him he's wrong and have a big speech about a better solution and stuff, and it's all motivational? Cos srsly it just seems like he somehow lost faith in humanity and felt like this extreme solution was the only way to achieve peace. I wonder if he had some sort of sad backstory where he saw a forest of monsters killed by humans polluting the environment or something. Or lived a sad childhood and his only friend was a pet monster that died defending him from his abusive parents. OR BOTH. Srsly I just feel like it takes a big trauma to lead to a guy being this messed up cos I know my own "humans suck, I will always side with the monsters detsroying humanity" feels come from being abused as a kid.

BUT NO

JUST

HE BAD HE DIE

Also the damn weirdness of your own monster partner saying "he's no longer human so we have to kill him"

I never fuckin understand "being non human in any way equals automatically evil and no human rights" as a morality. Morality should always be about what you DO, not what you are! This dude is still 100% sentient and going golly gosh all over the place but now it's okay to murder him without even trying to talk him down???

Apparently you can actually unlock his monster form as a playable party member in the sequel, but it's not actually him and just like.. same species, by merging some other species together.

But no I choose to reject that reality and instead believe that we motivational speech'd him and restored his faith in humanity and ended the fight without a murder, and he stopped his plan and just went home with us to be our wonderful new eldritch grandpa forever. And now he works hard to make up for his sins, and also do research on monsterness from the monster perspective so we can find even more ways to bring friendship and peace to the two worlds. And someone sewed him a new cute fancy labcoat to fit all his extra tentacle arms!! And little glasses with sticky pads on the nose bridge so they stay on even though his head is kinda indented in his torso now. Also he can hug twice as many baby Slimes with all the extra limbs, yes!!!!! MY ELDRITCH GRAMPS BAKES ELDRITCH COOKIES AND THIS IS THE ONLY ENDING I WILL EVER ACCEPT

So uhh yeh anyways this has been bunni accidentally stumbling upon the ending to a game they've never played via pixiv and now being filled with the strongest fire to play it

I MUST SEE THE WHOLE STORY OF GRAMP...

Also thank u to pixiv user [D.J] who makes many fanarts of obscure sad science villain grandpas getting cuddles and happiness. I feel like my goddamn soul twin is living on the other side of the planet where I can never tell them how much I love their art :(

[star-going-supernova]

Of Birthdays and Abominations

For my buddy @liliflower137​, who’s having a rough day and doesn’t deserve an ounce of that stress! Have some tater tots from the Inky Eyes, Golden Heart ‘verse! It’ll probably go through a revision before I add it to the series on Ao3, but for now,   (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

When Henry woke up on June thirteenth, he stumbled out of bed with wild hair and a demonic aura that wriggled more than normal. He made his way downstairs, blinking sleep out of his eyes.

Curiously, the kitchen lights were off. Usually, his mama was bustling around in there long before he so much as stirred. He was still getting used to a lot of human things, but sleeping in was something he’d taken to almost immediately.

He stepped over the threshold, and just as his aura pinpointed his parents’ locations, they jumped out at him— his mama from behind the island-counter and his papa from the pantry— and shouted, “Surprise!”

Henry’s aura reared back in shock, and it took a moment of serious concentration to keep it from attacking them.

Staring wide-eyed, he watched as his mama came and swept him up. “Look at you, my little boy growing up already!”

What?

Papa joined them and ruffled Henry’s bedhead. “Happy birthday, son.”

Oh! June thirteenth, yes, that was the day he’d chosen— admittedly at random— for his birthday.  He’d forgotten that humans greatly enjoyed celebrating the anniversaries of their birth.

Demons didn’t care much about that. The only time your age served any importance was when you were abandoned by the caretakers after six cycles— er, years. Then you had to do everything for yourself.

But it made sense, he supposed. Humans had such limited time, after all, not to mention how accident prone many of them were. So of course they would get excited when they managed to last another year.

“How does it feel being eleven now?” Mama asked him.

Was he supposed to feel something change? Had he already screwed up acting like a human?

“I don’t feel any different,” Henry whispered. “Am I s’posed to?”

Mama blew a messy kiss into his cheek. “Nah, it’s just somethin’ silly us adults always ask you youngsters.”

Henry went a little bit boneless with relief in his mama’s arms and smushed his face into her shoulder. That was a close one.

Papa laughed and turned the kitchen lights on. “C’mon, we have a special day planned, starting with your favorite breakfast.”

“Chocolate chip pancakes?” Henry asked, head shooting up. “Really?”

“With extra chocolate chips,” Mama said, booping their noses together.

Humans were on to something with this whole birthday thing.

After eating far too many fluffy pancakes— seriously, it was a good thing demons could prevent themselves from getting stomach aches— his parents told Henry that his present was less of a physical thing, and more of a surprise trip.

This was more than okay to him, since as a demon, he could technically magick himself any random object that might have caught his fancy. Even though his parents were still young and healthy, since he had to think of his own lifetime in terms closer to forever, he’d much rather create as many good memories with them as possible before his time with his chosen family ended.

But those weren’t the type of thoughts he wanted to have, much less on his birthday.

Especially not since the surprise was spending the afternoon at the beach with Joey and his mom.

“Happy birthday, Henry!” Joey cried, throwing his arms around Henry’s shoulders.

Laughing, he returned his friend’s hug, careful not to use his demonic strength. “Thanks, Joey!”


“C’mon,” Joey said, pulling Henry towards the water. “Have you ever been to the beach before?”


“Uh,” Henry thought about the false memories he’d spent weeks constructing for his parents. “I don’t think so?”

Joey grinned. “I think you’ll like it. You can swim, right?”

“Yeah.”

Joey’s smile turned mischievous. There wasn’t much of a height difference between them, but he was taller than Henry by enough to pick him up, waddle into the shallows, and— despite Henry’s silly protests— drop him into the water, both boys laughing all the while.

Hours passed as they messed around, going from playing in the shallows, to making sandcastles, to having lunch, back to their sandcastles, and now they were deeper than they’d ever gone before.

There was a tall, red metal buoy not too much farther out, and Joey wanted to touch it— a special achievement according to him. Henry dutifully followed after him, and they grabbed onto  the edge, letting it tip and bob under their weight.

Of course, that’s right when Henry realized that this was something not unlike a portal to one of the lower levels of hell, the ones that were inhabited by creatures instead of demons.

From the depths, summoned by their presence, he sensed something rising up towards them. A flick of his aura told him it was an ocean chimera. He could feel its hunger.

Henry sighed and turned to Joey with a grin. “Race you back?”

Completely unaware of the eldritch horror beneath them, Joey lunged forward into the water, crying out, “You’re on!”

Watching for a moment to make sure his friend didn’t look back, Henry held his breath and sunk into the water, using his aura to drag himself down. Despite the darkness as it got deeper, he could easily see the monster, including the moment it latched onto him as a potential food source.

Three heads— each bearing an open maw full of sharp teeth— protruded from a squid’s body, surrounded by writhing, poison-emitting tentacles that reached for him.

Henry’s fangs extended with his horns, and the water around him became illuminated by the glowing of his veins. Making sure all three pairs of eyes were watching him, he snarled and revealed his power to the train-sized behemoth.

Aura crackling beneath his skin, Henry stared the chimera down as it shrieked and twisted, futilely trying to escape its doom. The flesh around his eyes threatened to become corrupted, but he held his power steady, refusing to lose it before the beast’s soul was fully eradicated.

Bubbles trickled out of his mouth, and he was sure Joey was close to the shore and would notice him missing soon, if he hadn’t already. He didn’t necessarily need to breathe— though his time as a human had gotten him used to it— but he wouldn’t be able to pass his absence off as an accident if he stayed down here much longer.

Abominations like this always took longer and more power to completely destroy, but finally, the body burnt away into ash, despite the water surrounding it. The laws of nature were nothing to those with the power to defy them.

Satisfied, Henry spun in the water and somehow managed to teleport on his first try to just a few feet behind Joey, right as his friend stumbled into the shallows. 

“I win!” he cried, jumping up and down, spraying water in every direction.

After running his tongue over his human-flat teeth to make sure his fangs were completely gone, Henry grinned. “Yeah, you sure beat me.” His power thrummed through his body, and the part of him that was still inherently demonic knew he could destroy this entire beach and everyone on it with little more than a thought.

Joey laughed and tackled him back into the water. They continued playing, as carefree as children their age oughta be, but it took another hour for the skin around Henry’s eyes to stop hurting.

It’d be years yet before he would even begin seeing any side-effects from using that power, but sooner or later, he knew his half-demon, half-human form would eventually show visible signs of the aura that struck fear into even his own kind.

Henry didn’t mind all that much. It was worth using it to protect others, especially Joey. A few months of friendship might not seem like much in the grand scheme of things, but to a demon who’d been taught growing up that there was no such thing as friends at all?

Those months meant the world.