#make his life worse and then make him trans
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Wyllstarion fic recs where trans wyll gets his [redacted] ate
a fic rec list inspired by this post!
A Veritable Feast by Backflips
16k/Complete!
Wyll was a big boy. He’d handled aches and pains and cycles for years before he began his transition, and he could surely handle it again for as long as he had to. He could power through the cramps, he could handle swapping out his rag, he could weather his back aching through the whole process.
Even if he really, really didn’t want to.
---
One particularly cruel side effect of Mizora turning Wyll into a devil is a resurgence of his menstrual cycle — except now it's got the torture of the hells behind it. Or: Wyll has a period again and is not dealing with it well, Mizora is being very evil about it, and Astarion is... Astarion.
Mod's Notes: This comes with a very enjoyable story about dysphoria and bodily autonomy
He Fashioned Himself a Blade by Noodlefrog
106k/Wip that I'm positive will not be abandoned!!
For all Mizora’s attempts to keep Wyll isolated and dependent on her, there is one thing she can never take from him: the Blade of Frontiers. In his head, Wyll rewrites his own story and tells himself tales of his ideal self. No pact binds the Blade, no stone eye sits in his socket, and he doesn’t have to thank a devil for the beard on his face or the depth of his voice. As he begins to unravel the mystery of Astarion’s easy charm and clumsy lies, Wyll even lets himself pretend that he could someday have a life beyond the hunt.
Mizora’s plans for Wyll go deeper than his pact, though. When she warps Wyll’s body into a shape of her own design, she also gives him a few gifts. Changes he has wanted for years are now permanently sculpted into his flesh with a fiendish twist, and Wyll can only ask himself… What would the Blade do?
Or: Wyll copes with his devil boner by writing fanfiction of his own alter ego, and Astarion tries out some high-stakes strategies for monster hunter seduction.
Mod's Notes: I literally cannot exaggerate how good this fic is and how fast I run to read the updates
Astarion Ancunín, Abortionist by Not_whelmed_yet
7K/Complete
Wyll had waited for his true love before pursuing intimacy - not true love in the sense of fated soulmates, but love that was true the way you held true to an oath. A promise of loyalty, of commitment, above and beyond mere attraction. He'd thought he'd found that in Tav.
Thought. Past tense.
And to make matters worse, the birth control he'd been taking in the wilds had also betrayed his trust. Now he finds himself outside the door of a small abortion clinic in the Lower City, looking for help that only a practicing vampire abortionist can offer.
Mod's Notes: This may LOOK like a crack fic but it is so sweet, tender, and heartwrenching!
#help yall i only censored this so people wouldn't have pussy in giant letters on their screen#wyllstarion#wyllstarion fic#wyll ravengard#astarion#bloodpact#bg3
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historical drama/sitcom where two gay best friends (woman and man) get lavender married--and proceed to spend the Fancy European Honeymoon their parents paid for acting as each other's wingman
#and hijinks ensue. obviously.#BONUS POINTS if they're gender nonconforming/questioning/trans coded#back at home they'd get dressed up then switch outfits in the taxi on the way to the gay club#now that they're married/on vacation in a new country they just wear what they want#he already has a glamorous collection of silk dressing gowns but she's the one who drags him out to buy a closet full of evening gowns#he tries to throw his suits out to make closet space and she steals them for her own wardrobe#also i think they should be a fun mixture of supportive and Cattily Judgemental about each other's dating decisions#just for funsies#like when your bestie is making a mess of their love life but you're in no position to lecture them bc youre WORSE#no wait wait wait#FINAL SEASON they both realize they're trans and move abroad permanently--where they each assume the other's legal identity!!!#SERIES FINALE: a joyful double wedding--wherein they lovingly divorce each other#and (under their switched identities) legally marry their longterm partners
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God I wish I could remember what Oda once said about mothers in One Piece... I can't remember if it was about Luffy's mother in particular or moms in general, but he essentially joked about how you'd have to be A Really Horrible Mother to allow your child to go off and become a pirate (dangerous business no loving mother would allow)
And just... My vague memory of that comment is living in my head right now, because truly, if Crocodile somehow is Luffy's mom, truly nothing would make him a worse mom than
Literally trying to murder his child and beating him to near death multiple times the first time they actually meet
Going so far to stop being a mom that he became a dad instead
#Moon posting#Honestly I can't help but to feel that if the theory is true I don't think Crocodile has any positive feelings about Luffy#Like I don't think he'd see Luffy as his child or. Anything#Like the vibe I get is that Luffy to him would be nothing more than something from a past life he wants nothing to do with#And a past version of himself he wants buried dead and forgotten#Like think about masculinity- both in general but also in the terms of OP's story#The way some cishet men react to the mere concept of Trans Croco and the way they're ready to dismiss him as a ''real man''#Like. Fragile Masculinity makes it so that if you aren't performing your manliness at 1000% at all times you aren't manly#That's why it's fragile. It's all or nothing. And so if Crocodile was FtM many would see him as just the F. They'd just ignore the ''tM''#Crocodile did not seem like he wanted to be associated with Iva-chan or any of the newkama AT ALL#If he is trans then he is fully stealth. He does not want to be outed. He does not want to have his manhood questioned.#His past could instantly be used to turn him into a laughing stock. He'd have to deal with transphobic attacks and misogyny#So if he just wants to live his life in peace then he could just see his past as a potential threat to his future#Anything about who he might've been could be used against him#That includes the husband he divorced. That includes the child he abandoned.#They aren't anything to Crocodile but something he wants nothing to do with.#And he's willing to go so far as to kill that child to tie up any loose ends#Which sounds horrible but he did attempt to kill millions with a massive bomb so like#Yeah. Sir Crocodile ain't winning Dad of the Year award anytime soon. He does not give a shit about his son.#Crocodile looked at Shinji Evangelion and figured he could have a worse father-son relationship. And he's winning that contest#Of course this reading is absolute bonkers and I doubt Oda could write a trans character with this kind of nuance#It just makes sense to me alright#And I have brainworms#And if I'm being realistic I only think there's a 30% chance the Crocodad theory is actually canon#Trans Croco in general get's a 70% because. You don't give this guy some Secret Beef with the Magic HRT Person like that#Again I just think it'd be fucking funny if he was Luffy's dad#It is 6 am I am not proof reading any of this shit
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Also 👀👀👀 I'm totally picking up what you're putting down about crowley & kevin 👀👀👀
Luring people into my new rarepair heheheh. (I actually checked ao3 for this. None of the fics there really hit the spot I wanted. Guess I’ll have to fix that myself at some point lol.)
crowley & kevin is just! there’s so much potential there and all of it is fucked up. Like for one, I think crowley has shown us consistently through the show that, if nothing else, you can rely on him to keep his deals and value his assets. he does not go squandering things that can give him an advantage. and! canon evidence that crowley’s idea of getting kevin to work faster is by plying him with good food and praise (via fake!sam & dean in the illusion boat, which, sure, you could say that’s part of the illusion, but given how crowley was emphasizing how good of a director he was being. well. seems to me like this is just how he works.)
So what I’m saying is: s8 kevin/crowley is a sugar baby au. s9 kevin/crowley is a sugar baby au except even more fucked up <3
(god there is something sooo!! About Crowley giving kevin pointers on how to torture effectively. About kevin being the one able to inflict pain on him but Crowley still getting the upper hand because it’s what he wants. A distraction. And then all through s9 we just know that they have to spend all their time in the same bunker together and… I just think maybe Kevin took more trips down there that we didn’t see. Stress relief in the dungeon by bashing Crowley with a hammer, while crowley’s critiquing his swing, praising his ferocity.)
(And i just. You see. How that. Could very easily turn into. A different kind. Of stress relief. Yes? They should fuck bloody.)
#spn#ask#Kevin/Crowley#crowley spn#kevin tran#you can tell I love kevin because I want to torture him and make his life worse#I’m like crowley in that way. I torture all my friends. I even come from a dysfunctional home life. <3
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Not to, you know, point out yet again that you Hamas stans don't give a fuck about Palestinians, but....
The chasm between what Gazan activists say about Hamas and October 7, and what Western leftists and Hamas say, is absolutely fucking horrifying.
All of this below is from just one Gazan activist who's been repeatedly tortured, by Hamas, for fighting for his own human rights.
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As expected, Hamas began executing Gazans the moment the ceasefire deal was reached, accusing them of "working with the occupation." Just today, they executed 10 Gazans, and they promised to do more in the coming days.
This isn’t a novel tactic; it’s an age-old strategy employed by Hamas to silence critics and instil fear among citizens who oppose their rule. I would greatly welcome a position from the pro-Palestinian movement advocating for pressure on Hamas to end its ongoing oppression of the people in Gaza.
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For those who support Hamas and express admiration for the organization in light of the recent ceasefire announcement, it is vital to recognize that in Gaza, tens of thousands of innocent civilians are experiencing profound suffering, while Hamas seems largely unconcerned with their plight. They chose to prioritize sending their terrorists abroad for treatment, insisting that each fighter be accompanied by three family members.
What about the numerous Gazans who were shot and tortured by Hamas throughout the war? Shouldn't they be given the opportunity to receive medical treatment abroad?
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You know what would help the Palestinians in Gaza? Condemning Hamas' atrocities. Instead, the protesters routinely chant their desire to "Globalize the Intifada." Apparently they do not realize that the Intifadas were disastrous for both Palestinians and Israelis, just as October 7 has been devastating for the people of Gaza.
They should be speaking up for the innocent victims of Hamas—both Palestinian and Israeli. Instead, they endorse Hamas's ideology with posters announcing resistance "by any means necessary" and chants of "from the river to the sea," effectively glorifying the Al-Qassam brigades, Hamas' military wing, whose ideology is entirely based on the elimination of more than 6 million Israelis from the land.
I really, really try to be polite and explain things most of the time.
But after watching "pro-Palestinians" spend the entire war actively helping silence Gazans and making things worse for them, through pure Hamas-worshipping violent tankie revenge fantasies...
I'm just going to indulge myself in one do better, shithead.
“elon musk did the nazi salute, remember to check on your jewish friends uwu” you all celebrated when jihadi terrorists live-streamed the torture, kidnapping and murdering of israelis on 10/7/2023 but ok
#FUCK hamas#FUCK every single paternalistic leftist who's shat on everyone in Hamas's name#FUCK every single person who refuses to believe anything that isn't pure Hamas propaganda because it fits their preexisting biases so neatly#fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you#none of you actually give a shit about people's lives you just want to fantasize about a violent uprising#you don't even care what the outcome of the violent uprising is apparently#violent uprising that is also a deliberate war crime which will mean all the regular civilians around us risk everything for us?? GREAT#violent uprising that wipes out our group and makes everyone worry about genocide??? NO PROBLEM THAT'S IDEAL#it's not even good activism. it's fucking ludicrous. you just drool over and identify with violence because it makes you feel powerful#the toxic combination of revenge fantasies and imagining yourself as the Most Oppressed is so bad for you#it's the same thing that makes it so intoxicating for Americans to pretend ours is the worst country on earth#bro we fail to make the top 10 under any rubric#and probably not the top 25 either#like have you met Afghanistan? are you familiar with Iran? no you're not#North Korea anyone? i could just go on and on#waaaaa we have a president who's going to actively make life much shittier for several already very marginalized groups#as a trans person i regret to inform you that it's still going to stop sucking in four years. i know it fucking burns believe me i do#but we could be living in a country where someone MUCH worse than Trump has been dictator for decades and decades#this isn't even “it could always be worse” this is “do you know how fucking lucky we are?#we have a voice and visibility in the u.s. that we would have nowhere else because the country dominates so much media#we are able to do things to raise trans awareness and reach out to trans people without even realizing it#so much of the shit trump has said he will do is going to get tied up in courts for fucking ever#and probably gutted or struck down#because that is what happened to most of it last time#and we know more now#the work people did to fight him on rights for undocumented immigrants gives them momentum and experience for this time#because we have checks and balances and voting that is able to fuck up the momentum of people like him and limit his term#i live in California and our governor's new life mission is to screw with Trump constantly#just constantly#piss him off and screw up every fucking thing he does
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I love to imagine Rebecca as trans like it just has become so ingrained in my mind it feels weird it’s not canon. She realized at a young age and her parents were supportive and let her present how she wanted and they used her name and pronouns, but they weren’t around enough to go the extra mile for her and make sure she was being protected. She was the target of some pretty bad bullying at school, both from the students and the staff, and Ashton was the first person to defend her. Ashton is cishet (cuz I think it’s funny) and hes kinda ignorant at first but he tries his best and he just likes Rebecca and wants good things for her and he’s so emo he scares away the bullies lol. And this was definitely a big part in Rebecca gaining feelings for him he just showed her this special kinda care that no one else ever did, and it’s what makes her extra insecure as the years go by. Cuz she wonders if maybe the reason Ashton never seems to reciprocate her feelings is because she’s trans and he just never thought to see her as romance material as a result. Which is a line of thinking that gets out of control really bad and she never gets to have the closure she wants with it either
She tells Isabella that’s shes trans just cuz they’re best friends and it sorta comes up eventually. Isabella was a tomboy growing up so she can definitely relate to the bullying shit pretty well and they are very protective of each other and vow to beat up anyone who talks shit about the other. They also just open each other’s minds a bit, Isabella helps Rebecca feel more comfortable in knowing there’s many different ways to be a woman, Rebecca helps Isabella maybe explore her feelings about her own gender and whether or not she’s really attached to womanhood. Zach finds out in a more casual way, it’s just something he learns cuz it felt weird that he was the only one who didn’t know and well. He’s a good guy, he wouldn’t mind. It’s not something the two of them ever talk about really, aside from bonding over a few shared experiences with having to deal with assholes. And really, being trans just isn’t something Rebecca wants to talk about too much, just because she’s gotten to a point where’s she’s experienced being stealth and she knows how quickly people can turn on you when they know, and she understandably doesn’t wanna deal with that shit. But because her friends are so supportive, she doesn’t exhale and let herself just exist naturally around them and it does help her feel less insecure about who she is
Sexuality wise I think she’s "straight" I think she’s spent most of her life looking at Ashton and just assuming she’d be with a man but once she finally gets to give up on him she has Moments with Isabella or like a certain fondness for Marianne and their shared love of history and other nerd shit and shes just like. Uh Oh 😟
#the letter#rebecca gales#my beloved my bestie my wife etc#ive also just written like in a scenario where she gets with luke shes gonna like get that dick and then shes like oh fuckkkkk#and its pretty frightening cuz luke is a notorious asshole but hes about to find out so she just lets it out#and hes weirdly chill hes just like ‘hnnnghh does it look like i fucking care about that right now daisy’#they uh. arent exactly a match made in heaven alkskf the way i write it like they are genuinely good for each other in a lot of ways#like i think they both can just help the other see important sides to themselves and improve#but i dont see them being like this happy long term couple i think rebecca can do soooo much better i think theyd get together when shes at#rock bottom and feels like no one will ever love her and she forms a bond with luke and she relates to him in a weird way#and this makes her feel worse like luke is the only one who sees the real her and she wants him because shes afraid hes the only one whod#tolerate her its just a very unhealthy situation and he has enough good in him to keep her on the hook#but enough bad in him to never satisfy what she needs and to make her feel like shit#its like. i dont think its IMPOSSIBLE for luke to be a good partner to her but hed have to do a LOTTT of changing that im just not confident#hed do plus like i mean hes literally a murderer and all of rebeccas friends hate him i dont think shed really be able to see past that#plus like hed be transphobic like maybe he isnt opposed to having sex with a trans woman in the moment but he certainly wouldnt be an ally#its all about whats convenient for him i think at best hed be like ‘youre one of the good ones!’#i kinda love lukebecca lol not in a ‘theyre cute’ way ew just in a. ‘their interactions are really funny and interesting’ kinda way#i want them to fuck nasty and i want rebecca to almost sink to his level but then rise above and kick his ass#and i want rebecca to be the one who got away for luke like losing her is the biggest wake up call of his life#and then rebecca lives her best life with her awesome friends and they work on communicating properly#and she realizes she doesnt need a man to complete her and then she writes a book and is loved pleaseeee
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demo (prologue + ch.1 & 2, 118k words)
please mind the content warnings! asks are open, but please note that I am currently not accepting/answering RO scenario requests and questions concerning RO details, i.e. ROs' favorite color, height, etc. All relevant info regarding ROs can be taken from this post or the game itself.
cog forum post
You are one of the most famous yet mysterious characters of the 21st century rock scene.
It all started when you discovered your love for singing during an extended stay at a psychiatric hospital as a teen. Music became your motivator, and from then on, you knew the stage was where you belonged. You and your friends formed a band, and after years of practice in a garage and cheap gigs at dingy bars, your journey to the top begins abruptly when you team up with a skilled manager.
It’s a meteoric rise— until it isn’t.
And now, a decade after your band has disappeared from the public eye, you’ve accepted an interview by the acclaimed Groove Magazine. You and your former band members have agreed to give them the truth, the whole truth; as ugly as that might be.
Follow the story of your band’s rise to fame (and eventual fall from grace)
Play as a pop-rock vocalist
Name your band and customize your music and image
Handle the media, interactions with pushy fans and your own repressed thoughts and fears
Romance your coolgirl-bassist, the childhood friend you cut out of your life, your absolutely insane guitarist, or your biggest fan/possibly stalker
Give one hell of an interview
Inspiration: Daisy Jones and The Six, Fleetwood Mac… and all sorts of music-related drama.
TW: themes of mental illness, unhealthy relationships, substance abuse, death, mentions of suicide, suicidal ideation, self-harm, SA-related trauma
ROs:
Stevie McLaughlin, bassist (f) — “I suppose I was the sanest one in that bunch.”
She’s one of your oldest friends, and if you follow the clanking chain of cause and effect all the way back to the beginning, it is her you have to thank for your entire career. The band was her idea, after all. She’s level-headed, composed, and always there to talk you down when you need her. Sometimes, she acts more as your retainer than anything else…
Stevie is tall and skinny with light brown skin and extremely long, curly black hair which she always wears in a wet look. She has big, dark brown eyes and a soft face.
Paul/Paulette Zima, lead singer & saxophonist (f/m selectable, trans) — “Trying to figure out where you know me from?”
Your band’s brand-new, second lead singer. Your manager says they’re going to give your music the kick it needs, that they’re the one missing ingredient to your success. You’re not entirely sure if you agree. Worse yet, you happen to know this person, and your time together didn’t end on a favorable note. They’re part of a past you would much rather forget.
Paul is very tall, broad-backed and thickly muscled with light skin, shoulder-length slicked back brown hair and bottle green eyes.
Paulette is of average height with an hourglass/slim thick figure. She has dark brown hair with parted bangs and light blonde strands dyed into it. Her eyes are bottle green.
Angel Monsanto, guitarist (m) — “I was always going to make it big, with or without those guys. Only, I… I really wanted it to be with them.”
Your crazy but good-hearted guitarist. His passion for music borders on obsession, and he will stop at nothing to make a name for your band. Sadly, he’s very much of the conviction that all publicity is good publicity, which has encouraged him to pull some very questionable stunts in the past.
Angel is of average height and build with a warm beige complexion and long black hair. He has a square jaw with an occasional five o’clock shadow and brown eyes.
Lincoln Saunders, groupie?? (f/m selectable) — “What can I say, I loved them.”
Calling Lincoln a fan would be an understatement. Fanatic is more like it. You remember seeing them at your very first show, and you’ve continued to spot them at every venue you’ve played at since. You don’t know anything about them, and perhaps changing that would be a very bad idea. But maybe you still want to.
Lincoln (m) is short and lean, with an angular face and wavy blond hair. His eyes are cobalt blue.
Lincoln (f) is petite and tan, with a youthful, round face and chin-length blond beach waves. Her eyes are cobalt blue.
Others:
Maddox Wells (m), drummer
Another one of your oldest friends. You don’t much like to talk about what happened with him.
Fatima Shah (f), drummer — “I’m pretty sure they used to try to make me disappear with their fog machine.”
After things didn’t work out with your original drummer, Fatima saved the day. She’s a sweetheart to you, but from what you’ve heard, she can be kind of a terrible person. Maybe it’s best to stay a little wary of her.
Kalena Graham (f), manager — “The first time I saw them… well, they kind of sucked. But I knew, I just knew, that they had what it takes to suck on an international level.”
Your band’s manager. You can’t believe how lucky you were to have caught her attention. She’s experienced, driven, well-regarded in the industry and… kind of mean, to be honest.
Simon Young (m), reporter — “Start at the beginning. And then, don’t stop.”
The guy conducting the interview for Groove Magazine. He’s nice enough, if a little starstruck. It seems he has been waiting a long time for this.
Addendum: NSFW alphabet masterlist
Zima pt. 1 and pt. 2
Stevie
Lincoln
Angel
Dividers by @thecutestgrotto
Please consider reblogging <3
#interactive fiction#choicescript#hosted games#romance options#if wip#choose your own adventure#if: wip#music inspired#demo update#demo available#dashingdon
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Kabru, impossible mutual understanding & unknowable objects
Despite his concerted and constant efforts to understand other people, it’s established in a few extras that Kabru believes that true mutual understanding between certain different races is impossible. Specifically, between long-lived and short-lived races, and between humans and demi-humans. Partially, we can trace this conviction back to specific hang-ups caused by his life; the trauma of the Utaya disaster, prejudices he carries from his childhood, and his experience of racism among the elves. In this “little” essay, I’m gonna discuss how I think those experiences formed this belief, how it comes out in his actions, and how some of his actions seem to contradict it. The question of whether it’s possible to reach mutual understanding with other living beings despite our differences is one of the core themes of the manga, and I’ll also touch on how this aspect of Kabru’s character links to that.
Seeking understanding
Kabru is a character who devotes a huge amount of time and effort to understanding people, and he is very good at it. In his internal monologue, we can tell how advanced and complex his skills of analysis are. He is able to read a huge amount of information just from looking at people's faces and body language.
People are, to him, what monsters are to Laios. This is something that's been expanded on at length in other, excellent meta. It's the fact that they're foils; it's the fact that Kabru is also very easy to read as autistic, with a special interest which is the opposite and parallel of Laios'. It's something that came out of trauma and alienation, as Laios' special interest in monsters also began as a coping mechanism.
The complicated origin of this "love" for monsters and for people comes through, I think, in the fact that one of the places we see both characters use their fixation is in being very, very good at killing the thing that they love. This also ties into the idea that loving something isn't even remotely mutually exclusive with using it to sustain your own survival; using it for your own purposes; hurting it or killing it. Love can be, and often is, violent, possessive and consumptive. This understanding is part of what makes Kui's depiction of interpersonal relationships so compelling to me.
While Laios fixated on monsters and animals to seek a place of escape, in both his imagination and his self-image, from the humans who he couldn't understand and who couldn't understand him, Kabru seems to have fixated on understanding people in order to navigate the complex, socially marginal places that he has been forced into throughout his life. As an illegitimate child raised by a single mother with an appearance that marked him out as different to the point his father's family wanted to kill him, and a tallman child raised among elves who didn't treat him as fully human and wanted him to perform gratefulness for that treatment – treatment that, after he met Rin at age 9, he certainly always understood could be a lot worse – his ability to work out what people wanted from him, whether they were friendly or hostile or had ulterior motives, wasn’t just an interest. It will have been an essential skill.
Milsiril, I think, was a flawed parent who tried to do her best by Kabru and did a lot of harm to him despite her best intentions. She may have treated him much better than an average elf would have, but like Otta and Marcille's mother, there are other elves with different outlooks on short-lived races. How would they judge her treatment of him? We don’t have any insight on what it could be, but to be honest, the person’s whose opinion of her I’d be most interested in knowing is Rin’s.
But even if she'd been perfect, living as an trans-racial adoptee in a deeply hierarchical nation with a queen who is a 'staunch traditionalist' who wouldn't even acknowledge the existence of a half-elf like Marcille (according to Cithis) is an experience that would deeply impact anyone.
Elves & Impossible mutual understanding
While Kabru was living with Milsiril - in other words, while living in the Northern Central Continent - he came to believe that "there was no way to achieve mutual understanding with the long-lived races."
This is evident in his political project: he wants short-lived races to have ownership over the dungeon's secrets. Despite his dislike of the Lord of the Island, he's a useful bulwark to stop the elves taking over. Despite his doubts about Laios, Laios needs to be the one to defeat the dungeon, because if he doesn't the elves will take over.
Kabru still carries a deep scar from Utaya, one that was exacerbated by the fact that he never got an answer to any of his questions about what happened or why. This, despite the fact that Milsiril knows about the demon and how it works. Do you think Kabru, with his social perceptiveness that borders on the superhuman, wasn't aware that she knew more than she would tell him?
Given that, the fact that he gets to a place where he "doesn't have any particularly negative feelings about [elves/long-lived species]" .... well, to put it bluntly, I believe that he thinks that's the case, but I kind of doubt it. After all, if he did have resentment, of Milsiril (someone who was his primary provider and caretaker since age six, and who despite her flaws, loves him and who I do think he loves) or of elves (who he has had to play nice with for most of his life, in order to survive, and will still have to play nice with in order to achieve his goals, since they hold all the power) what would that do except hurt him and make his life harder? Kabru is Mr. Pragmatic, so I don't think he'd let himself acknowledge any such feelings he did have. Exactly because he can't acknowledge them, they're well placed to get internalised as beliefs about the Fundamental Unchangeable Nature of the World.
However, these stated beliefs seem to contradict his actions. Despite his belief in the impossibility of forming a mutual understanding, he certainly seems to try to understand long-lived people, just as much as he does short-lived people. There's no noticeable difference between his treatment of Daya & Holm versus Mickbell & Rin that isn't clearly down to their relationship with him. His skills of human analysis were honed and developed while living amongst elves, and as soon as he's alone with Mithrun he immediately sets to understanding him - his interests, his motivations, his needs, and his past.
He treats him considerately and without bias, and despite the fact that Mithrun conquering the dungeon for the elves is both a reenactment of a core part of his childhood trauma and a political disaster for his aims, that doesn't seem to colour his perspective on Mithrun negatively at all.
This is something I find extremely laudable about Kabru, and it's another way he parallels Laios. He seems to understand that people, as a rule, (in Laios' case, he understands this about monsters - and eventually, all living beings) will act in their own interests, and if those interests conflict with yours, might harm you. But that's just their nature, and it's not something that should be held against them; you're also doing the same thing, after all. The crux of Laios' arc is precisely that he has to accept the responsibility of hurting someone else in order to achieve what he wants.
Kabru is deeply concerned with his own morals, what he should and shouldn't do, but mostly in the context of responsibility for the consequences - a responsibility he takes onto himself. He isn't scrupulous about what he needs to do in order to create the outcome he wants, but if he fails to create that outcome, then....
He blames himself to the point of thinking he should die. He doesn't blame Laios, or seem at all angry with him, despite concluding he should have killed him to prevent this outcome. That's because in his eyes, ultimately Laios was going to act according to his own nature, and it's Kabru's fault for not understanding that nature well enough. He's extremely confident in his ability to understand and predict others, (including elves and other long-lived people). Then, where does his conviction that mutual understanding is impossible come from?
Partially, it's the "mutual" part. I'm sure Kabru, who isn't able or willing to deny Otta's insinuation that Milsiril saw him more like a pet than a son, has felt that his full interiority, the depth of his feelings and his ability to grow, act, and think as a fully equal being, was something that the elves around him just couldn't grasp. Because that was their excuse for it, he came to understand this as a gulf between short-lived and long-lived beings, an inevitable difference in outlook caused by their different lifespans.
This experience might be part of what leads to his iconic “fake” behaviour. He trusts his ability to understand others, but if they aren’t able to understand him, then there isn’t any benefit to being honest about his feelings and thoughts. If his attempts to reach mutual understanding with his caretakers were never able to be fulfilled, then it isn’t any wonder that he reacts with such surprise and horror at blurting out his desire to be Laios’ friend.
In his experience, making yourself vulnerable in that way only leads to being hurt. Soothing him, hushing him, lying to him, talking to him like a child that isn’t able to use proper judgement – that’s an inadequate and deeply hurtful way to respond to genuine distress, the desire for autonomy, or disagreement. Ultimately, I think that’s why he comes out on the side of being grateful to Milsiril; because she did equip him with the skills and knowledge he’d need to reach his goal, and let him go.
Though he could understand them, they couldn't understand him. To the extent that was true - which I'm sure it was - it wasn't due to anything about lifespan. It was due to the elves’ racism, and the solipsitic mindset & prejudiced attitude that it caused them to approach him with.
Because, if it needs to be said, the idea that there is an unbreachable gap in understanding between the long-lived and short-lived species is not true. Marcille and Laios have a much greater difference in lifespan than any full elf from any short-lived person, and they’re able to understand each other – maybe not perfectly, but better than many other people who are closer in life-span to them.
That doesn’t mean that I think Kabru is wrong about this, however. Because there’s an interpretation of his statement that is reflected in his actions and is true. When he talks about his problem with elves, it’s not just their attitudes: it’s their power, and what they use it to do. They “explain nothing and take everything”. Though it’s presented in the guise of ‘guiding and protecting’, in fact it’s a simple case of a powerful nation using their military power, wealth, access to resources, and historically stolen land – including the island itself – to protect their own interests and advance their own agenda. That’s why they’d be able to show up, seize the dungeon, and forcibly take Kabru’s party and Laios’ party to the West. If Kabru wants to stop that from happening, or change that status quo, persuasion or a bid to be understood would be completely pointless. Between the political blocs formed by long-lived species and the interests of short-lived species, “mutual understanding”, given their current, unequal terms, would be impossible. This is something that we see reflected in Kabru’s actions; before he asks his questions about the dungeon, he grabs Mithrun as leverage. He never really attempts to persuade the canaries to see his point of view, because that would be pointless: they’re agents of the Northern Central Continent’s monarchy, and will act in its interests regardless of any individual relationship with him.
I don’t think Kabru sees the different dimensions of this belief of his in quite such clear terms, however, as is evidenced by the other group who he thinks it’s impossible to communicate with.
Demi-Humans & Unknowable Objects
The other place that we see his conviction about the impossibility of mutual understanding is in the kobold extra.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/0be532baeedaec51214c2fb628b580b8/d08d548d087558ce-69/s540x810/e5f34b34611e8695638ba159c42fb703b14fdb59.jpg)
I'm including the whole thing, because I think it's an excellent and clever piece of world-building. Aside from what it says about Kabru, which I'll expand on shortly, what this extra does is deconstruct and call into question the usual "fantasy ontological biology" present in these sort of DnD-like settings. Essentially, the kind of worldbuilding where a race (such as kobolds) can be described as war-like, and that's establishing something essential about their biological nature. That's common to the point that if Kui didn't include this, some people would probably come away thinking that's the case about, e.g., the orcs.
But here, despite what Kabru is saying, the information the reader actually gets is:
the conflict between short-lived humans and demi-humans such as kobolds is mostly over access to material resources that they need to survive.
These resources are scarce because powerful nations, such as the elves, have monopolised them.
Kabru, who has grown up in a place at the centre of these conflicts, ascribes essential, negative traits to a cultural group which was in direct conflict with his own. Communication with this other group is impossible; they aren't people, they're more like objects.
oh yes! just like this conflict between groups of tall-men, a conflict which the reader will immediately interpret as more clearly analogous to real-life racism. Our other protagonists also carry prejudices from growing up in a place where a marginalised group was in conflict with the dominant group over scarce resources. It's definitely impossible to communicate with these people, and you can only kill them.
Woah, when you say it like that, it sounds pretty bad!
But also, nobody walks away having had a realisation or unlearned their prejudices - because they don't have the tools they need to do that work. Yet. I do think, to an extent, it could happen - especially with Kabru, since it's suggested in the epilogue that Melini might become a safe-haven for demi-humans.
To focus in on Kabru, the key here is his statement that you should think of demi-humans as "unknowable objects". Even his extraordinary powers of understanding have seemingly hit a limit. Part of this is just inherited prejudice, and doesn't need to have a complicated psychological explanation, any more than the elves who were prejudiced against him need one.
But also... this is probably somewhat linked to the way demi-humans seem to be considered "pseudo-monsters". They're the place that the strict delineation between the human and the monstrous is permeated. Laios, who is not interested in humans, remembers and is excited by Kuro. Chilchuck and Laios argue over whether it's OK to eat a mermaid. Kabru's prepared to (pretend to) roll with the idea that Laios ate the orcs.
But these are people, aren't they? Of course, this is a social construction, as we see from the fact that in the Eastern Archipelago, the label of "human" is reserved for tallmen, but in most of the rest of the world it depends on some obviously arbirary classification based on number of bones; "demi-humans" aren't in any essential way monstrous, except to an extent in their appearance, and physical location - due to their marginal social status, they're pushed out to live in unsafe places such as dungeons.
Therefore, Kabru's view of demi-humans as fundamentally "other", unable to be understood - monstrous - could be read as akin to abjection, the psychoanalytical concept described by Julia Kristeva. In order to create a bounded, secure superego, that thing which permeates and calls into question the border between self and other, human and animal, life and death, is rejected and pushed to the margin.
“Not me. Not that. But not nothing, either. A "something" that I do not recognize as a thing.[...] On the edge of nonexistence and hallucination, of a reality that, if I acknowledge it, annihilates me. There, abject and abjection are my safeguards. The primers of my culture.” (Kristeva et al., 1984, p. 11) “It is thus not lack of cleanliness or health that causes abjection but what disturbs identity, system, order. ” (Kristeva et al., 1984, p. 13) “The pure will be that which conforms to an established taxonomy; the impure, that which unsettles it, establishes intermixture and disorder. [...] the impure will be those that do not confine themselves to one element but point to admixture and confusion.” (Kristeva et al., 1984, p. 107) (discussing food prohibitions in Leviticus)
This is both (due to its affinity with food-loathing and disgust) a very fruitful concept to apply to dunmeshi, and a psychoanalytical theory which I wouldn't exactly cosign as True Facts About Human Psychological Development. You may also know the abject from its utilisation in the classic essay "Horror and the Monstrous-Feminine" by Barbara Creed - that's a lot more approachable than Kristeva if anyone's interested.
Key here, though, is that through the symbol of the "demi-human" is embodied a step between "human" and "monster" - and that's a prospect that puts at risk the whole notion of an absolute separation between those two categories in the first place. To Laios, that's something wonderful, and to Kabru, it's terrifying. We can see this principle further embodied in the relationship both characters have with the notion of becoming monstrous.
To Laios, this is transcendent, and represents a renunciation of everything human - in fact, if it didn't, it wouldn't "count".
To Kabru, it's a deeply-held fear, established by his childhood alienation (due to his illegitimacy, his eyes, and perhaps also his neurodivergency), deepened by monster-related trauma and the sense of responsibility and survivors guilt he feels for what happened at Utaya. His identity as a human who is not monstrous is key to his sense of stability and safety; he doesn't want to touch monsters, he doesn't even want to see them.
To acknowledge a kinship, a possibility of similarity between the things he loves (humans) and the things he hates (monsters) would be more than touching them - it would be putting them inside him. We know, quite explicitly, that this notion is triggering to Kabru. He literally has what seems to be a flashback when he's about to eat the harpy omelette.
So he abjects it, classifying the demi-human as fundamentally unlike him - an unknowable object, or an object that he refuses to know. Because in understanding it, he would interject the things he hates and fears into his self, which is already, always under threat by that hated and feared object.
Of course, again, Kabru isn't very good at enacting this refusal in practice. For one, when he chooses between his desires and ingesting the feared object, eating monsters... he eats monsters. Part of this is treating himself badly, the "ends justify the means" mentality. His goal is to destroy all monsters, so if he needs to become monster-like to do that, he will. But part of it is also the other motivation that he didn't even seem to know about until he said it: he wants to become Laios' friend, and to learn from him how a person can like monsters. He wants, at least in some part of him, to reconcile the feared and hated object into something he can understand.
For another:
Kabru can speak the kobold language. In the first place, while this may have been common in Utaya, it also could have been something he chose to learn, an early expression of his interest in understanding and talking to all sorts of people. It isn't the kind of thing you learn if you believe that communication between yourself and the group that speak it is impossible, is it?
It's possible to harbour prejudices against a group while being kind to an individual, and given Kabru has those prejudices regardless of his reasons, that is what he is doing. But also, his treatment of Kuro doesn't reflect a sincerely held belief that he's an "unknowable object" at all. His approach is exactly the same as it is to any other person: an analysis of goal and motive, and an attempt to help if he's sympathetic and their goals align - going out of his way to give language and local knowledge lessons in secret. His conviction that Mickbell and Kuro will truly become friends when they can properly communicate is completely contradictory to any sense of demi-humans as fundamentally different, or impossible to reach mutual understanding with. To me, it seems like this self-protective shield against the corruptive force demi-humans as an idea present to his identity, this abjection, when Kabru is face-to-face with one, just simply can't hold up against his finely honed skill of intellectual empathy. Perhaps because he's autistic, it seems his "empathy" is less an emotional mirror response, and more a set of cognitive skills for analysis of others. That instinctual, emotional empathy might not trigger when presented with a member of an out-group, but if it’s possible for Kabru to turn his cognitive empathy off, we don’t see him do it.
This isn't to say that this prejudice doesn't affect his behaviour. For one, it could negatively impact his judgement of politics and policy, where individual people don't enter into it. For another, I'm not convinced he'd be willing to overlook Mickbell's exploitative relationship with Kuro if Kuro wasn't a kobold. As it is, since both of them are satisfied, he doesn't feel like he needs to intervene, regardless of the fact Mickbell isn't paying Kuro. But if Daya and Holm were in a relationship, and Holm took both Daya's and his own share from their ventures, but only compensated her in living expenses and kept the rest, do you think he'd tolerate it, for example? Even if she said it was OK?
Conclusion
The kelpie chapter establishes that "people can never know what monsters are really thinking." That isn't just true of monsters, though.
True mutual understanding is impossible - between anyone. We can never truly understand another person's heart. This is touched on in, for example, the existence of shapeshifters and dopplegangers. Even a monster that seemed like a perfect copy of a person wouldn’t be that person, and wouldn’t be a satisfactory replacement.
We’re intended, I think, to understand the winged lion's repeated suggestions to just replace people who have been lost with copies as something uncanny, which demonstrates the way that the winged lion never manages to attain a complete understanding of humans. A version of a person who was created to fulfil your memories of them, to be the person who you wanted them to be, would be a terrible, miserable thing.
Disagreeing, coming into conflict, and misunderstanding each other, are essential parts of what it means to be living beings, as fundamental as the need to eat.
The only thing to do is not to take more than you need to eat to survive, and not impose your own desires onto others. To do your best to sincerely communicate your desires, even if they're embarrassing or vulnerable or strange, like Kabru eventually does with Laios; like Laios does, bit by bit, with the people around him; like Marcille does, Chilchuck does, Senshi does... to hope they will accept you, and do your best to understand them in return.
We can re-examine, in that context, Kabru's line about the elves' tendency to "explain nothing and take everything".
They have the power to impose their preferred "menu" onto less powerful groups. And in that context, mutual understanding being impossible just means that they won't give up their power because they're asked nicely. Kabru's goal is to seize the truth that they won't give to him, and to create a situation where they can't take everything. Because he's accurately surmised that nothing about the treatment of short-lived races will change so long as the power imbalance remains. Despite the way he mistakenly ascribes part of that to "long-lived vs short-lived" or "human vs demi-human", the actual gulfs in understanding he identifies are structural, are about power and about access to material resources and safety.
I think he could come to recognise this. Yaad is teaching him political science after all, and while a prince's lessons on political science won't exactly get at much that's radical or invested in the interests and perspectives of the marginalised (Capital is a critique of for a reason after all...) I believe in Kabru's ability to learn critically and get more from a lesson than it was intended to teach.
#og post#kabru of utaya#kabru dungeon meshi#laios touden#dungeon meshi meta#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#dungeon meshi analysis#kuro dungeon meshi#the canaries#milsiril#continuing to develop my kabru theses.#literally sitting and thinking about kabru all day. rotating him.#he's in the microwave. to me.
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Imo it's not so much that people have "forgotten" that Jack and Maddie will accept Danny, and instead, it's because that's canon that it's interesting to explore all the other avenues as well
Speaking of the way the Danny Phantom fandom has been marinating for 2 decades, I think folks have forgotten what an incel asshole Vlad is an focus on the quirky sexy vampire aspect
In tandem, they've exaggerated Maddie and Jack's negative traits and forgotten we have their canonical reactions to finding Danny's secret: unconditional love and acceptance. Fuck I was revisiting Bitter Reunions yesterday and I'd forgotten that in that episode Danny is confident that if he reveals himself and Vlad right there his parents will still accept him
#i personally love any and ALL interpretations of the fentons#i love stories where they love danny so much and theyre for better or worse good parents#and i even love when someone makes them straight up neglectful and/or abusive and explore what fhat would mean for danny#i know not everyone feels the same#when I personally write the Parents Fenton i like the interpretation that they truly love danny and are trying but are genuinely flawed and#unintentionally hurt him#which *i* think is the most common interpretation#i think its like#it just adds tension when Danny DOESN'T know how his parents will react#its like in canon onces he KNOWS his parents will love and accept him its like .... it takes the wind out of the sails of that aspect of th#plot#bc then it makes LESS sense why hes hiding it from them#or the reasons that remain are maybe less compelling#🤔 just thinking outloud tbh but#most parent reveal fics i know have the parents loving and accepting danny#even if its a bit of work to get there#and that just feels more realistic to me#and resonates with many of us queer and/or trans fans#but that is NOT the experience of everyone and since Danny is such a fantastic trans allegory it makes so much sense that some people have#the Fentons NOT accept him#bc sadly thats also life. some people do not get love and acceptance from their parents no matter how hard they try#and fiction is for exploring#and processing in a safe place
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consider... Ghost babytrapping reader. It's something some could see Soap or Graves doing, but never Simon.
He's so sly and sneaky, never showing his needs, but when he senses you drifting away, he will slip a pill in your drink when he's sure he's ovulating to ride you till sunset, making sure to milk you dry
a/n: god I love these requests
minors DNI- warnings: baby-trapping duh, trans ghost as well
ghost wasn’t ever going to admit how much he wanted you, how much he needed you in fact. He didn’t want to put into words how he felt- but he knew deep in his gut that you were his, right? You had to be his in some way. You and him had been friends for quite a while, and eventually just enough more that he could call you to his barrack any time of night and have that perfect feeling of sex fade into his senses with you
that’s all you really were though- fuck buddies. God he hated that term, it made his gut boil with envy and hate that someone could slide into your life and end it all so easily. No, no, that couldn’t happen. He wouldn’t let it happen.
these thoughts all brewed in his mind over the months, but the thing that set it all in motion was when he saw you at the closest base pub getting all close to some civilian. That’s what truly got him going, the fact you were flirting with a civilian- not even part of the team, although he’s not quite sure if that would have been worse.
sure he could tell you his feelings straight up, but where’s the point in that?
so he made a plan. It started in physical motion the second you got back from base and he texted you to come to his room for the usual quick fuck, nothing horrible so far
he had this all planned out- unknown to you of course. Any condom you have now has little needle holes poked in and any drink at his house has just a smidge of something he found just to make sure he takes
he rides you all fucking night even when your half asleep and tired, he still keeps bouncing on your length, his body clenching around your member and his folds wet and inviting as if he was trying to keep every little drop inside of him, his gummy walls squeezing every little drop he can get out of you and cockwarming you till you fall asleep next to him
he just felt it in his bones that it was gonna take, it just had to. And god was he close to bouncing in joy when he pulled out a test a few days later and it came up positive, him getting ready to put on some fake tears to tell you. You couldn’t really just be fuck buddies now, could you?
#call of duty x reader#cod x you#bottom character#cod x male reader#coyotes_horde#sub character#top reader#dom reader#ftm ghost#ghost smut#simon riley x male reader#simon riley x you#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley#ghost x male reader#ghost cod x reader#cod ghost#simon ghost x reader#simon riley#sub bottom#dom top reader
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I’m honestly at a point of like . Fuck it I do not care if people make egg jokes I do not care if people say any feminine guy should be a woman. People are under 100000tons of constant crushing pressure to conform to the gender society tells them to under threat of all kinds of punishment. The treatment a feminine guy gets from everyone in his life trying to force him to be more masculine is magnitudes worse than if a trans woman happens to see him and be like “you’re kinda girly, what if you’re a girl” or god forbid “haha hey you remind me of myself before I transitioned”. It is just Not a real problem in the real world.
Plus as other people have pointed out there have been entire swathes of this site’s meme history with prominent jokes like “every Weird Girl who pretended to be a wolf and made yard potions is transmasc now” and nobody ever threw a fit over forcing transgender identity on others or Whatever . So why is it so evil and cruel when transfeminine people do it
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I have a friend whose ex, a minor celebrity in some circles, was abusive.
Shortly after she and some other women went public about it, there were some people who chimed in talking about other misdeeds of his.
Her ex was, and is, a loathsome waste of oxygen, and the words, "...who deserves every accusation leveled at him" would almost escape my lips...
...Except that some of the accusations people began throwing around because they (understandably) hated this guy weren't true.
This did not help my friend at all! It muddied the waters, and gave her awful ex ammunition for his claims that people were just out to get him, and were willing to make stuff up to smear him.
Switching gears: there's been a lot of discussion recently about how some brilliant and influential art has been created by objectively terrible people. Part of that discussion has been calling out people who say, "Their work always sucked," or "I never liked it." Not only are statements like this unhelpful, they provide cover for predators. If you insist that your tastes reflect your morality, you're giving yourself a huge blind spot, and making it easy to dismiss evidence of harm done by creators you happen to like.
This is one reason why I think exhibits like this one are important: they help teach that lesson.
Three notes on this: 1. by the time of that exhibition, Gill was long dead and therefore unable to profit from it.
2. This kind of thing isn't necessary for every artist, because not every creator does heinous things.
3. My friend's ex is nowhere near the artistic league of Eric Gill or any of the other creators I'll discuss.
Switching gears again...
If someone mentions a bespectacled British boy wizard with an owl familiar, in a modern setting with "secret world" magic, the name that springs to mind is most likely "Harry Potter", right?
But Timothy Hunter, from The Books of Magic, was published a full seven years before that. I was working in a bookstore when the novelizations for the BoM comics came out, and had to tell kids that no, this was not a HP rip-off.
I don't think the reverse was true, either: for one thing, The Books of Magic is set in the DC Universe, and I've never heard of JKR reading superhero comics. But also... sometimes completely separate creators will come up with strikingly similar ideas, utterly by coincidence. It's one reason why most authors tell fans NOT to send them ideas or fanfiction based on their work: there is rarely any good way to prove that you didn't steal a concept.
Now, obviously every creator is influenced by other people's works, and I completely agree that it's good to acknowledge that and to point fans towards your influences!
When Rowling began channeling her resources into making life worse for trans folk, I saw a lot of people saying, "Well, Harry Potter was just a mediocre rip-off of The Worst Witch anyway."
While I haven't read that series, I strongly doubt this claim. The idea of magic schools is older and more widespread than either of those series, and "British boarding school hijinks, but it's a magic school" was bound to be written more than once.
Now, some of you already know, and others have looked up, who originally wrote Tim Hunter. And... yeah, it's Neil Gaiman. *sigh*
In the last few days, I've seen some people saying, "The Sandman ripped off Tanith Lee's Tales from the Flat Earth." They cite a number of similarities: Azhrarn, the Lord of Darkness, is a pale-skinned, raven-haired Byronic figure with a sibling-like relationship to the Lord of Death and the Lord of Madness. Like the Endless, these beings are god-like, but specifically not gods. Apparently some people have mistaken fanart of Azhrarn for Morpheus. And Chuz, Prince Madness, has a bisected appearance, half his face horribly messed up, like the demoness Mazikeen.
But speaking as someone who was a fan of the late Tanith Lee years before I picked up an issue of The Sandman: I don't believe the latter was stolen from the former. Are there similarities? Yes, but they're superficial. If you've read both series, as I have, you'll know that the stories, settings, and characters are very different!
It's possible Gaiman was influenced by Lee's writing, and if so, I agree he should have acknowledged that. He did promote the work of other female creators, which is one reason why many of us thought he was "one of the good ones". But it's also entirely possible that these two authors independently came up with similar ideas.
When it comes right down to it, I think that statements like this -- "their best work was just a rip-off of something else" -- are just another variant of "their work always sucked".
It's often an easier accusation than "they've always been crap", because, as I said, writers come up with strikingly similar concepts all the time, and it's very hard to prove you didn't steal an idea. But it has the same problems, so -- barring the kind of case you could make with a college-level plagiarism-catching program -- I think it's best avoided.
Now, telling people, "Hey, are you sad about this creator turning out to be an awful person to whom you don't want to give any more money? Try this other person's work instead!" This is good! Let's have more of it!
Addendum 1: I think "separate the art from the artist" should mean, "you don't have to treat books already on your shelf as if they're suddenly coated in poison", not "I'm going to ignore this creator's actions and keep buying their products anyway."
Addendum 2: I just posted a version of this to Bluesky.
#tanith lee#tales from the flat earth#harry potter#timothy hunter#eric gill#the sandman#neil gaiman#books and reading#comic books
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I said it before in a previous rant, but I feel like this story needs repeating for no particular reason whatsoever.
my middle school was very small. there was only one class of 18 kids in the entire 6th grade. we had to deal with each other every single day. I only started this school in 6th grade, but some of these kids have known each other since pre-k. so when I joined, I was a stranger, an outcast, someone different. and having undiagnosed autism did not help at all.
one of my classmates was named Jacob. he was the only kid shorter than me. but he was an aggressive bully. every day, he'd grab me, slap me, pull my hair. he'd torment me physically, call me names, the whole shebang. typical bully stuff. there was never a reason for this, other than I was a new kid. I was a faggot. I was a downey. I was a retard. I was a sissy. I was a pussy. I was "the other". I think Jacob somehow knew I was trans and queer about five years before I did, and treated me as you'd expect.
every single day, I'd complain to my teachers and the principal. "Jacob is bullying me. he's hitting me, calling me names, harassing me, even after I tell him to leave me alone". and the responses I got did not help.
"just leave. walk away" gee, thanks. I'd love to. unfortunately I'm stuck in a classroom with him all day. unless you're gonna let me go home early, your advice is worthless.
"stop being a tattletale" and just let him continue to bully me? wow, thanks for being a supportive adult figure in my life...
and I'll never forget what my hardcore conservative catholic principal said to me. "if you don't want him to call you a faggot, then stop being a faggot".
in all of these situations of begging for help, not once did Jacob ever face consequences for his actions. even when I showed them the bruises and horrible notes he gave me. even when the harassment happened right in front of the teachers. the most he would ever receive is "hey, both of you, stop fighting!" even though it was always one sided and I never fought back.
until one day on the bus. he was in the seat behind me, poking my head, slapping me, trying to get my attention. I was already pissed that day, and Jacob was only making things worse. I told him to stop. repeatedly. to just leave me alone. but he didn't.
without thinking about it, I tried to swat away his hands. but I ended up brushing my hand against his face. he interpreted this as a slap. he immediately got off the bus at his stop and ran home crying.
that afternoon, my mom got a phone call saying that I was at risk of being expelled. apparently, Jacob had told his parents that I had beat him up, and his parents called the school.
in the end, because of my accidental unintentional "slap" that I had only done because I was angry and wanted to be left alone and stop being bullied, I was suspended for a week, forced to write a handwritten apology note to Jacob, and fell behind in my classes.
Jacob was never punished. he never faced consequences for his actions. he was always seen as the victim by adults. I was the aggressor since I was mad and complained about being bullied.
soon after this, I attempted suicide. I backed out, thankfully. but I can't stop thinking about how my life almost ended because no one cared about the harassment I faced.
being harassed, and having no one do anything about it, which causes you to get angry until you act a tiny bit irrational and upset, and suddenly you're punished much harder than your attackers ever were and ever will be.
I'm saying this for no reason at all. it totally doesn't apply to any real life situations happening right now on tumblr.
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For the transmasc voices: (tw suicidal thoughts, transandrophobia)
I'm messaging on behalf of my son. I'm NB, wife is transfem, our child is transmasc. He's only 11. He came out a few years ago, is allowed to freely explore and express, and at home he has a great support system.
But he has ALREADY struggled with suicidal thoughts, anxiety, and stress, not just from cishet classmates but from queer peers. He has ALREADY tried to APOLOGIZE for IDing as masc, due to intracommunity reactionary hate. We are ALREADY doing damage control, we have him in therapy, we make sure to celebrate him and lift him up at every opportunity.
He's fucking ELEVEN YEARS OLD and is already being heavily negatively stressed by our own fucking community. His PEERS are also, only 11-13 years old.
This intracommunity bullshit, this deliberate misandry and transandrophobia, is contagious. The children are ALWAYS watching and the vast majority of them do NOT have parents 'in the know' or even supportive, let alone any kind of digital supervision; they SEE YOU. They INTERNALIZE WHAT YOU SAY. They SPREAD IT and they are MIMICKING YOUR FIGHTS.
And when our community screams 'fuck men' 'men are trash' 'yes all men' 'they deserve this' those little caveats of 'oh but not trans men!!' don't actually do shit for anyone except make y'all pat yourselves on the back for being soooo progressive and inclusive. Worse still when they don't even bother with the caveats and just straight up refuse to ever consider nor allow anyone ELSE to consider the unique intersection (yes!! Intersectional fucking theory have y'all heard of it!!!) of both privilege and oppression experienced by transmascs, which is different from the unique *intersection* of oppressions experienced by transfems, which is still different from the unique *intersectional experiences* of still others, and insist no, actually, they're all only the same and actually only transfems can speak at all about any of this and trans men don't have unique experiences and can't have their own language and blah blah blah blah fucking blah.
I can literally see (and foot the bill for!) the harm y'all are doing to yourselves, each other, and to the next generation of queer kids and allies and I am so fucking tired of it. Reactionary hate is communal fucking poison and it ALWAYS involves friendly fire.
oh my god i am mortified but thank you so much for sending this. first of all, i wanted to deeply apologize for what is happening to your son, i have more to say about and to him later, but i want you to know i am very glad you chose to reach out. this affected me in a very real way. i'm not being funny here. a lot of asks don't really get to me, but this struck me like an arrow to the heart and i seriously need people to very carefully read this ask and internalize it. im serious. even if it makes you cry, please re-read it a couple of times. even if you seriously think it's okay to hate men. read this.
men don't just pop into the world men. they're boys first a lot of the time. would you people seriously fucking rather see dead trans boys than living trans men? because that is what you're doing. your incessant gender essentialist bullshit is legitimately getting trans CHILDREN scarred for fucking life and potentially killed. you are potentially actually for real taking a life when you say these things- but are you so happy knowing that there's childrens' blood on your hands?
your son deserves so much better than this holy SHIT. an 11 year old should NOT be having suicidal thoughts, especially over their GENDER. this is not petty internet drama anymore. this is affecting the real world. this is affecting real people. y'all seem to forget that there's a living, breathing person behind every single account you interact with (aside from obvious bots). there are people behind these posts. and you are genuinely affecting them. sure it sounds like a quirky clapback to say "all men should die" or whatever but what about when you say that to someone and it actually kills a man? what about when you're genuinely responsible for ending a life by what you've said and done?
are you prepared to console that man's family? are you prepared to apologize for what you did? are you prepared to understand that this has real life consequences and can literally tear families apart? are you prepared to understand that many parents, including mothers, love their sons? that many people love their relatives who are men? that many people love their husbands and partners? that this would hurt women in a very real way? whether or not you hate all men doesn't matter, but not all women think like this, and this can and will devastate real people in real time. this will hurt women way more than you think.
i wanted to say that i'm glad he has a good support system with you. it must be very comforting to know he has a NB parent to help advocate for him as a trans child. a child. i can't get over that. he should be living his life carefree. he should be playing with other kids, discovering new hobbies, learning about how other people go about their lives, and having fun, but instead he's getting tortured and mocked? for what reason? he's not a tyrant now. he's a boy. boys don't have any power in society. children are not an oppressive class. holy shit
you are doing a great thing by advocating for him. i will do my best to make sure i can, too. i don't need to know your or his name for right now, but i will make sure that i tell his story, because this is beyond fucked up. people need to understand this isn't about views on tiktok and likes on instagram. this is about real people who are hurting. you don't deserve to have to see your child go through all of this intense therapy and pain and suffering. this needs to come to an end.
if you want to share this part of the message with him, i'd like to address him directly. i just wanted to say, that i'm 32 years old, and i realized i was a trans man when i was about 20. i didn't learn the word transgender until i was 19 years old. if i had an awesome NB parent who helped me learn about it at your age, i would've been out as transmasculine, too! i was scared for a while, but some of the happiest years of my life have been while i've been out as a trans guy. i wear what i want now, i talk how i want to, i present how i want to, i love who i want to, and i don't let any of this invalidate me for who i am as a man. i only talk to people who respect me, and there are tons of people out there who love us and see us for who we really are
you're not going to deal with this forever. people are being really, really mean right now, but it's not going to be like this forever. there are a lot of other transmascs out there. if you find other trans boys around your age, do your best to stick with them if they're good to you. it's okay to be a trans boy and its okay to want to be friends with other trans boys. you're not a bad person. you're not mean. you're an awesome kid who's taking the time to explore gender now that it's something you can understand. that's really cool, why wouldn't that be cool?
try not to let them get to you. they are not confident in how they identify and how they feel about themselves. they're taking it out on you. your life matters, it matters so much. other trans boys out there will be so happy to know you exist. you deserve a long, happy life. there's nothing wrong with being a boy or man. we're not bad people. we're capable and deserving of love just like everyone else. your gender isn't anyone else's business. chase your happiness.
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Bruce dating trans man Reader
You guys met early in your transition.
You were hesitant to go out with him because you didn't know how he'd react.
Baby, he already knew before he decided to pursue you.
Bruce would constantly reassure you that he was dating you man to man.
Before he ever touched you somewhere or called you a term of endearment, he'd ask if it was okay.
He made sure to always respect your boundaries and give you what you needed.
When it was time to meet Alfred, you were scared of what he would think.
He was older and Bruce's father figure, so you imagined a lot of bad outcomes.
However, he just smiled and assured you that he had met many trans people over his lifetime.
And he has a fruit cup of a son *points in Bruces direction* so the whole lgbt thing isn't exactly new.
Over the years, your relationship progressed, and you also progressed in your transition.
You made the decision to start testosterone and get top surgery.
Bruce made sure you had the best doctors and surgeons in the world (literally) at your disposal.
As your voice got deeper, he'd be sure to praise the beautiful sound.
His favorite thing would be making you moan low in his ear.
He loved how sensitive you got as a result of testosterone and bottom growth.
Needless to say, he kept you in the bedroom whenever he could.
Other than railing you into the mattress, though 🤚🏼
He also likes to help you in other ways.
You two would often train together down in the cave.
It's an outlet to deal with the effects of testosterone and also helps you bulk up.
Bruce mainly likes the view of his sweaty boyfriend in a tank top and shorts.
Another favorite activity of his is going shopping with you for events.
He insists you both can't wear the same suit twice, but really, he just likes to watch you try them on and get fitted.
God forbid you wear a button up with the sleeves rolled to your elbow because you WILL get mauled by that 6'2 behemoth. 🙏🏼
Speaking of galas, though, Bruce is always acting like your glorified guard dog at said events.
They're mostly populated with old rich people, so you're bound to get a snarky comment from time to time.
Either about you being trans or you and Bruce being a gay couple.
It doesn't really bother you anymore because you're very self-confident.
Bruce is next to you vibrating at a frequency that could shatter glass, though.
He makes sure they're near tears by the time he's done chewing them out.
Then, they're permanently blacklisted from every upper echelon event in Gotham.
It only gets worse when the kids start coming along.
Soon, your lone guard dog turns into an entire pack.
The kids didn't need much explaining on the matter.
Except maybe Cass and Damian.
After they got the basics down, though, they were fully supportive.
You're their dad. You've given them unconditional love and support.
Obviously, they'll do the same.
It makes you very emotional to look at the family you've created.
In your early twenties you felt so alone and aimless.
Unsure if you would ever even live the life you wanted.
But now you have a loving husband and amazing children.
All while being the man you were always meant to be.
#sorry if this is a bit scattered#i had trouble organizing my thoughts but i wanted to get this out there#loving husband bruce wayne#bruce wayne x male reader#batman x male reader#bruce wayne x trans man reader#batman x trans man reader#trans reader#transgender reader#trans man reader#ftm reader#batman thoughts#batman#bruce wayne
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Wanted to paint some of my favorite characters, nothing more nothing less
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/118f6056d2c1b7f08150aa116fa2417c/c21342f86e69e5d1-96/s540x810/d419ff4c3cbda76cc229350911b0c23fa848627a.jpg)
[COMMISSIONS]
Way too much yapping like an embarrassing amount, the individual portraits and the template I used below vvv
I shouldn't be allowed to talk about my favorite characters- especially to people who (presumably) don't know them xjfkdk apart from the very popular ones ofc
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/3a5614a263b746b7e3946ba13c04c47b/c21342f86e69e5d1-aa/s540x810/5d7fe9a4fba58e569d747a2ec5e089077c1b0b03.jpg)
ILLYA KURYAKIN (The man from U.N.C.L.E)
gay ass little Russian spy I love him he is so *dramatic* and a huge nerd and a Beatles fan and into fashion design- perfect pocket size blorbo ;w; also seeing a Russian character being given a positive leading role in an American tvshow from the 60s ?? Yes he lives in New York and works for UNCLE America.... But he is still a communist ?? Incredible ! Also I really like the fact he isn't given the cliché personality traits often given to Russian characters i e anger issues drinks a lot violent ect (looking at you shitty(imo) modern remake... What did you do to my little guy ;;). In a close contest with Spock for the "gayest man from tvshow" of the 60s..... And in my heart he is winning djdkd for me the gay subtext of muncle hits so much more because it's not a scifi show- it's closer to home, Napoleon and Illya were *like that* in the present day of the 60s, they were both human, and no alien fuckery made them go to the village more than once or play house in the suburbs or get attached ass up to get pegged on a regular basis... Truly a show that feels written by an old queen and a guy with the biggest fem dom fetish jkvjjkb (don't get me wrong tho I adore star trek tos and spirk too <3)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9d232a1e570967cbba9d145329b41ca3/c21342f86e69e5d1-14/s540x810/b64ce1f98769432d3221d988dd90165bd109ef82.jpg)
KUROO HAZAMA and PINOKO (Black Jack)
sometimes I rewatch some of the oavs from the 90s when I'm sad :) I had a huge phase a couple years back when I read nearly all the manga (should really finish it... Or reread the whole thing frankly), watched *all* the shows (bar young black jack, hated that shit) and idk I just love this venal bitch so much- him and his daughter and his conflicted feelings for his tboy ex that he still loves kfkfkf btw I'm dying for a modern take on this like please please please I'd love to see Kei Kisaragi's story rewritten a bit (trans character in the 70s sure was progressive but oh boy-), because him and black jack's relationship makes me so *weak*.... And maybe see him a bit more than in one story- anyway ! When it comes to his daughter Pinoko, it's very hit or miss- when the writers lean on the cute father adoptive daughter relationship it's great, when they lean more on the whole "she has a crush on him" (very much like a child in most case, and he *never* reciprocate thank god) and bring up the fact she is technically 18 a lot (she was an evil tumor trapped in her sister before he created a body for her- black jack shit dw), and she gets jealous of other women.... Well it's terrible and I'm uncomfy :(
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/429ad62420511c85eceaaf0a74ad8f04/c21342f86e69e5d1-ee/s540x810/43c7363a2b9cb4c33e4d5084f7c744d258435b9e.jpg)
EVA KANT (Diabolik)
Look.... You just can't show me danger diabolik 1968 and not expect me to become insane djdkdkdk she is so cool ;; !!! Her and her devious eel of a man (here as a panther, because even tho I haven't read the comic yet, I'm taking an educated guess that all the panther imagery is here to represent him, the lethal twunk always in the all black gimp suit... And if it's not then fuck my entire life ig fjfkkd), the cuntiest het couple you've ever seen, such freaks I love them ! Partners in crime that will blow up the tax offices of the whole country if you try to put a bounty on them <3 they are in the guilty faves category only because I'm this invested in these characters after 1 (one) movie fkfkf watched the first two remakes and was hmmm let's say underwhelmed, could have been worse but going after the 60s one ie peak cinema was hard... I went in fully invested in these heterosexuals and they still fucked up their romance and relationship ;; (don't spoil me the third one btw haven't seen it yet ! I know it's the yaoi one- which doesn't give me much hope for Eva tbh...) I'll soon start reading the comics tho ! Managed to find all twelve volumes of "Il grande Diabolik" in french for pretty cheap so I'm excited for that :D (might scan them and upload them online because omg I tried finding scans in *any* language and only found a dubious website that sold digital copies for 7€ a volume ??? What is this)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4046a4fda8cda2a0c1ff85b95d6756ee/c21342f86e69e5d1-bf/s540x810/15b4c69894307004ecd9da95533a3af49910c760.jpg)
UTA (The Void / Тургор / Turgor / Tension)
Apathy girlyyyyy she just like me for real for real nfkfk what absolutely charmed me about her is yes her design, but more importantly her chamber's design (if you've never played the void, a sister's chamber is a space that represent her. You get a sense of who she is by exploring her chamber before finding her and talking to her soul it's great). The lonely island out at sea, her laying down on a suspended steel boat in a grotto, looking passively at the moon by a crack on the ceiling.... And the moon is looking back. Incredible ! I love this game so much
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/dd8688dee1eb6e0592fe5d95b7ed0d2d/c21342f86e69e5d1-30/s540x810/24b592d23bbdbf2e32e1fc2bace1c906340dcc06.jpg)
KIM KITSURAGI (Disco Elysium)
Do I really have to explain this one ? When I played the game with quiji I remember I kept saying "when Kim talks, we *listen*" djkdk we did get a good grade in Kim Kitsuragi and got him to dance in the church <3 this fucking centrist cop wormed it's way into my heart and many others because of course he did. The only Kim K in my eyes. Also funny anecdote : before I played Disco Elysium, I had one concept art masterclass where a kinda famous concept artist came to give advice, make us really stressed then give us a shitty grade.... And when I tell you this man looked so much like Kim ??? Same haircut, glasses, face with a scar *exactly* where Kim's portrait has a stark shadow on his cheek and he was dressed in an orange top- truly uncanny. Anyway, Kim is so fucking cool how does he do it
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9898f34c6f12e58c6a8f9d1c2949fb05/c21342f86e69e5d1-7c/s540x810/c9a13b6e1a240e56568849c54090f45d1640a8a8.jpg)
DARK VADOR (La guerre des étoiles)
*sight* not surprising if you know me... and to be clear when I say Vader I don't mean Anakin Skywalker, post barbecue only zouz here. I refuse to yap about this man djdkdk I already do that way to much in ao3 comment sections
And here is the template I used ! Don't know who made it tho sorry...
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c4e6b2b878cc5f62c8b43e592b066c17/c21342f86e69e5d1-79/s540x810/193752b810fe1690cff024303d88ddd87687e282.webp)
PS : all these where made in 2-3 hours each :D wanted to challenge myself by painting quickly, and I mostly (looking at the Eva Kant one that gave me trouble) succeeded !
#I FORGOT HIS SHITTY LITTLE MUSTACHE OMFG if you saw a clean shaven Kim for a second there no you did not#My favs are the Illya and Vader ones fuivbfd so proud of them#illya kuryakin#tmfu tv#the man from uncle#kuroo hazama#pinoko#black jack#eva kant#danger: diabolik#diabolik#the void#Тургор#turgor#tension#ice pick lodge#uta#kim kitsuragi#disco elysium#darth vader#star wars#star wars original trilogy#artists on tumblr#fanart#digital painting#portrait painting#art#my art#digital art#art template
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