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asmo-d3us · 2 months

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Why did I make this? Well because why not! And also, I thought this would be a good idea to post about because this might help people and give people some ideas for their own fanfics. Not only that but I wanted to see if this would be something everyone would read with enjoyment? This will be quite long so buckle in if you’d like!

TW: Drugs, Language, Sexual Themes, Homosexuality (should that really be a warning?), mental illnesses, self harm (briefly mentioned), abuse, and religious trauma.

Please do not steal all of these ideas! Do not write an exact fanfic like this! If you do, change it up a bit and credit me! Thank you!

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chatifc/IRL, supernatural, band AU where the marauders are all celebrities.

barty, evan, dorcas, and regulus are in one band with pandora as their manager, the name of their band is The Pantheons.

Pandora does not want to be on stage when her brother is wilding with his boyfriend. “Very angsty and angry, also very sexual and violent, we dissect bodies and eat them for the metaphor. Also, here's a song about giving head to jesus!” energy.

Or in other words:

kind of evil and dark and satanic, literal songs about giving head to Christ or something. Very flirtatious and lewd band, rosekiller is disgusting on stage and regulus sings with the most seductive tone ever, especially with his eyes. Not to mention Dorcas FUCKING Meadows on the drums looking hot as fuck with sweat running down her temple and down her chest.

james, sirius, remus, and peter are in another band with frank as their manager, the name of their band is The Marauders.

“Anarchism, we are better than you, we fuck and smoke and party, fuck the police” energy.

lily, mary, marlene, and alice have a separate band but they aren’t as famous, and they don’t want to be, because they only play in bars, they named their band The Valkyries.

“Chicks who rock, the system stinks, let the world burn, save the bees.” energy.

Again, I know some of this stuff you’re going to read might seem like spoilers, but I have NO clue how I’m going to organize these things and how I’m going to bring them in the story yet, so I think it’s alright. :)

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James had always experienced the love of both of his parents since he was an only child. He knew that Monty and Effie had tried dozens of times for a child, so when they had James, he will admit they spoiled him. He was scared to disappoint them. He was scared of telling him that he’s pansexual because of the slight chance that he might end up with a man, and not be able to continue the bloodline (they could adopt, but James fears it wouldn’t be the same. Here, he doesn’t know that Regulus is trans so when he finds out the fear goes away. And then when rosestarkillerchaser happens, this fear starts back up again. Monty and Effie already know about Regulus, so now BARTY AND EVAN?!?!)

But, when Sirius and Regulus got into the family, Monty began to favor Regulus and Effie began to favor Sirius. James is left out in the middle. Every time he comes down the stairs with something exciting to say, Monty is either conversing about potions with Regulus, or reading interesting books with him, and Effie is either playing chess with Sirius and talking to each other how a mother and child would, or they’re cooking together with flour stuck on each others faces in the shapes of handprints. As much as it hurts James, he knows they deserve it and they need it. So he doesn’t say a word about it. Until one day, Barty and Evan find out about this and tell him to talk to Regulus about it because it’s not healthy. (At this point in time, Evan, Barty, James, and Regulus had just gotten together/just started fucking (have to figure that out) and so it was kind of awkward between them so when James asked them to come help him they literally melted.)

And it’s funny because when James talks to his parents and Sirius + Regulus about it, Evan and Barty were there. Regulus and Sirius are confused why (Sirius is mostly jealous and weirded out because Barty used to be James’ childhood best friend, and he doesn’t like Evan). James had told Barty and Evan that he doesn’t want to do it alone, so he invited them over and everyone in the household (especially the parents) was so confused why Barty and this boy named Evan they’ve heard about countless times are now in their house. Barty was also nervous about this because he hadn’t seen Effie and Monty in years, but he did it for James.

James sits on the big couch with Barty and Evan on either side of him, and half way through the conversation when he has to admit about how he feels, Evan and Barty share a glance and slither their hand into James’ shaky hands and intertwine their fingers together. James startles a bit, but feels heat rise up to his cheeks. He laughs nervously and continues what he was saying with more confidence. Regulus sees this and barely hides his amused grin, Sirius is turning red from shock and also the hard ability to remain quiet and give this needed moment to James, and Effie + Monty are sitting there with their jaw dropped and internally so fucking excited and happy for James but they’ll show it later and James is gonna be so fucking overwhelmed. Anyway!

When he talks about it, his parents and Regulus + Sirius feel horrible about it and the next few months everything is about him (when they’re at home away from tour). They play chess with him, they cook with him, they make potions and read with him, etc. Barty visits frequently and Evan claims it’s too awkward and weird for him to start coming. Sirius and Barty begin to get along but they play games of cat and cat.

It’s all fun and games until Effie and Monty can’t wait anymore and ask him about these two other men, and James flusters, asks them to sit down so he explains, and now has to grab onto Regulus’ hand so he has the confidence to speak about it.

If they’re all dating at this point: James would feel a bit scared telling them about this, but Regulus would whisper in his ear that there’s nothing to be afraid of. James can’t even look at Sirius when he says it because he would be either absolutely devastated or laugh in surprise (and devastation). He tells them how this is a new thing they’re going through, and how he feels like he really does like them and how it may seem weird but it’s also weird for him and other stuff that I won’t spoil. He admits that when he was younger, he was actually in a weird situationship with Barty and his parents would smile and say they knew. James would be flabbergasted, but I mean c'mon, of course they knew.

If it’s just a fucking thing (they’re in denial about it): This is something James would be even more afraid to talk about. When he would spit the word out—with the help of Regulus—he would quickly specify in worry that this was not cheating. They considered each other attractive and so they began to flirt a bit more than normal friends or acquaintances would, so it led to James having slept with Evan and Barty having slept with Reg. (When Regulus and James first started dating, they were talking about their kinks, and Regulus said that he’d love to watch James and Barty fuck because they both used to date him—at separate timelines ofc—and James was a bit hesitant but Evan agreed so they just watched them both as they fucked. They also tell this to Effie and Monty. James is shaking when saying this tho.) but the thing that started this little fuck fest was Evan and Regulus ganging up to flirt with Barty and James so they could finally wake tf up and consider this foursome. More on this later.

In short, Effie and Monty both love this new thing and reassure James that this doesn’t make them love him less, if anything it makes them love him more than ever. And the most hilarious thing about this is that Effie began to favor Barty, and Monty began to favor Evan. Regulus, Sirius, and an exasperated James, are in absolute envious fury. You can tell how long this fic is gonna be!

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couples before the bands (mentioned in flashbacks and the first chapter in bartys pov): Jarty, Fralice, and Narlene.

couples during the band (present, bartys pov still, kind of alternates): Jily, Bartylus, Fralice, Dorlene.

couples later on (starts to alternate pov): prongsfoot, moonwater, secret marylily, one night stand mary x sirius, pandalily, a lot of partyvan it seems like its gonna be canon, some remus x barty x evan, Fralice ofc.

endgame: Wolfstar, Rosekiller, Jegulus, Parylily, Fralice, Dorlene, Rosestarkillerchaser mentioned but its not canon idk how to explain but i know what finna play out!

Because they’re purebloods, James, barty, and Marlene all have to go to those pureblood gatherings. This is where Marlene meets narcissa. One day at a party, narcissa introduces Marlene, barty, and James too regulus, evan, and pandora. So that’s how they meet. They meet Dorcas at a red carpet after she ditched the last band she was in and she claimed she was completely done with being in bands but fans freaked out when she joined the pantheons.

includes cheating and a lot of drama and i mean A LOT.

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this does include HEAVY mentions of religion, and mentions of many other religions including atheism, christianity, and of course, satanism. I would like to add that satanism is not at all a bad thing, satanism does not support murder, rape, evil shit like that at all. Well, not all of the types of Satanism anyway.

please do not shame other people for what they believe. i can already feel the angry christians/bigoted people reading this lmao. none of us (im an atheist) shame you for supporting god and his beliefs/laws, so you should not be shaming us. telling us “god bless you” is so offensive. Imagine someone saying “may satan (or other gods/god) bless YOU” offensive, right? just click out of the story/this blog, and don't embarrass yourself bc no one gives a shit.

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Because this is a supernatural AU, Remus is a werewolf and he was cursed by a witch when he was younger, which is why he’s a bit hesitant around other witches (even friends, but he trusts them over time. a lot of mentions of this ofc. he always walks out of the room when someone starts doing witchy things.)

during an interview, Rita asks why the band had canceled their performance short on the last concert, and since the band had agreed not to tell anyone about remus’ condition because it’s horrifying..and yk all that, sirius releases the information jokingly (have to figure that out), and remus gets absolutely hurt and literally argues with the whole band who tries to calm him down (other than sirius because he was fighting back), and then he said he wants a break from the band and to go back home and away from tour. after more fighting frank steps in and says it's for the best. Remus was getting a lot of hate for it, but a lot of fans still remained.

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during this time, remus barty and evan get together and everyone + fans find out. they’re in shock because they thought remus and sirius were together. they know remus was taking a break from the band, and the marauders had invited gideon prewett to take remus’ place. the fans didn't mind since he usually subbed for remus when he wasn't able to go on stage or when remus had not joined the band yet and was watching from the sidelines as a cheerleader for his friends.

they stay together for a long time, and they genuinely do like each other, but eventually barty and evan realize that remus still likes sirius, so they sit down and have a chat about it, and they go their own ways. evan and barty are oblivious idiots and they break up too because the only reason they got together was because they both liked remus (and each other but they thought the other didn’t because they only dated for remus). the fans begin to ship them and stuff and their friends push them together and it works. (this is all summarized. they literally flirt hardcore and evan is going insane and so is barty before they even date. one time evan starts flirting back and they literally turn into fuck buddies but still in denial?? crazy.)

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regulus’ and james’ bands have a meetup, fans go crazy. the reason why lily’s band and sirius’ band even know each other is not only because of school, but because alice and frank are dating.

The Pantheons:

Regulus: Singer (he has these elegant movements when he sings and he just looks so hot and unbothered. this man is NOT nervous, nor does he ever sweat. his voice is so angelic toooo UGHHH.)

Barty: Lead guitar (this man is insane. he literally grabs the guitar and does the most lewd movements, faces, and sounds into the mic and regulus always glares at him on stage and the fans eat it up (so does evan and SECRETLY reg + james.))

Evan: Bass guitar (minds his own business. brother is literally strumming for himself and all of a sudden barty is grinding up on him and shit and he’s just playing along bc why not?? and he plays along more than usual and more flirtatiously as time goes on and barty starts getting weak in the knees and evan starts being the one to grind on him and shit and and and—he just looks very hot and VERY attractive, that’s it.)

Dorcas: Drummer (the lesbians are going ham. does show off tricks with her drumsticks and winks at the crowd sometimes. she usually sweats a lot bc she moves her arms around a lot and she looks sooooo goooood.)

Pandora: Manager (my girl is backstage jamming along and ppl are side-eyeing her bc she looks high. she’s also paying close attention and uses her energy to make sure nothing bad or embarrassing happens to them.)

The Marauders:

Sirius: Singer (he hops around like a monkey, approaching everyone and just having a fun time. is always a sweaty and panting mess after but he slays.)

Remus: Bass guitar (like evan, minds his own business, and he usually just rolls his eyes with a smile when sirius and james start going loco together.)

James: Lead guitar (vibes with sirius’ energy. they’re both the maniacs on stage who radiate off so much energy to the crowd. for some reason though, near the end of every concert, james always does a specific hand signal that no one knows other than…regulus. You would think barty + evan would find out soon when they all start dating, but they already know what those hand signals mean bc reg always spoke to them abt it. James just starts doing that when jegulus begins meeting up first.)

Peter: Drummer (jamming out. kind of left out and has a weird moment where he’s not having a good time on stage and keeps messing up and the fans kind of don’t like him but behind the scenes he’s such an amazing guy which I’m going to represent. the only reason he changes for the better is bc everyone fucks him and makes him more confident. HURRAY!)

Frank: Manager (stands backstage and watches everything closely, especially keeps an eye on peter, and perhaps that’s why he always messes up.)

The Valkyries:

Lily: Singer (this queen isn’t even moving, she’s holding onto the mic with her eyes closed and she’s singing her heart out.)

Mary: Drummer (she doesn’t rlly stress abt things bc most of the songs they sing don’t include drums that much. She just minds her own business and admires Lily.)

Marlene: Lead guitar (she’s always having the time of her life, literally the life of the ‘party’ and the fans love her bc she’s the reason they don’t fall asleep.)

Alice: Bass guitar (matches with everyone’s energy. Fans love her bc she’s so peaceful and such a positive person. She’s also kind of left out so she and peter bond abt that.)

The manager is the person who is the owner of the bar/casino they sing at, it depends.

there is a lot of drama between regulus and sirius, including barty and evan + dorcas and pandora because they’re literally all related. (dorcas is a “slytherin pureblood” here).

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Ships:

Jily - to keep up appearances they had to date, also because it gives the band more fame. james was very happy about this because he liked lily and he was closeted and in denial even after liking barty and having sex with him bc he was worried his parents would be disgusted and disappointed since they tried so hard to have a child, but lily wasn’t because she was lesbian and didn’t want anyone to find out yet but she always denied james’ advances in private.

Dorlene - they were both very openly dating, it was nothing to hide. they are established.

Wolfstar - slow burn. they do get together but it’s after they reconnected when remus accepted his apology. everyone thought they were dating before everything bc theyd always flirt, but they weren't together.

Prongsfoot - james wanted to get over lily since she was clearly lesbian and also the ‘relationship’ ended, and he realized he was into regulus (and still had some feelings for barty and weird tingling in his stomach around Evan bc yeah, barty is flirtatious and it’s expected, but EVAN!? He’s jerked off to him before bc the intimacy was too much.) so he began to date sirius to get over reg, and also because he thought that maybe he liked sirius and thought it was reg but he was just confused. plus it helped with the fame and drama since ppl thought wolfstar was a thing and Jily was a thing so this caused even more drama. they began to actually develop some form of feelings and remus was jealous + regulus was oddly enough, jealous. they broke up though bc it felt awkward and forced and also bc they were in love with other people. they were still best friends, nothing changed between them.

Moonwater - regulus and remus begin to fake date to get back at james and sirius and they don't get feelings for each other but they were NOT afraid to make out in front of everyone. Regulus has transitioned here.

Rosekiller: they liked each other before everything happened with remus, yet they were both so oblivious and shy (evan was the shy one and barty was in denial even though he knew he was pansexual because he was scared the same thing would happen like with james and regulus, lmao) that they didn’t say a word. after remus, they still didn’t date because they thought the only reason they were even together was because of remus. they’re friends and fans pushed them in the right direction though.

Barty literally just exists, and Evan can’t help himself. Barty might be dancing, sitting, sleeping, talking, or anything else and Evan will just pull him by the collar, sleeve, belt, waist, hip, hair, jaw, etc. he cannot keep his hands off of Barty and everyone is so tired of their shit, but Barty fucking loves it. James and Regulus are annoyed by it too like everyone else but when Evan starts doing it to them they collapse on their knees (Barty laughs at them even though he used to do the same exact thing at first)

Jegulus - also slowburn, it happens though. they begin to hang out more because the fans want it and it brings both bands a lot of attention and that’s when it starts to happen.

Jarty - This happens when Barty and James were still childhood friends and they had a little situationship going on and they had sex and stuff ofc they did but it didn't work out because they met their own separate group of people and barty began to like regulus and so did james and it just ruined them and they didn’t know that being in a polyamorous relationship was even a thing. Since Rosestarkillerchaser is basically endgame, they never lose feelings for each other but they’re all a little confused. no worries they’ll solve it out.

Jarty reconciles when they are left alone together in a room. The three bands are there and they all slowly by slowly leave the room bc regulus told them him and evan have a plan. At the end, it’s just evan, james, regulus, and barty in the room. Reg makes up an excuse to leave and he takes evan with him. They lean against the door to hear what happens. James and barty have this awkward silence before they start talking about their relationships with reg and evan and then they make mean jokes to each other. They start to talk about their childhood and stuff, and james brings up how he was feeling after what happened bc he couldn't keep it in any longer and barty explains his side of the story. James didn’t know what this meant and if it could go anywhere, and barty said, “We should talk to reg and evan about this. That is, if you want to be more than..whatever the fuck we are?” and james smiles at him all sad and sappy and replies, “Bee, I’ve always wanted to be more.” and barty is just red and a stuttering mess and james laughs at him and the tension resolves and there’s a weight off their shoulders. Reg and evan had been listening the whole time and they developed a plan to get the 4 of them together. Evan must flirt with james, and reg must flirt with barty.

Marylily - happens behind closed doors. it’s a secret but people slowly start to find out, and at this point, james doesn’t like lily so he’s happy for them. James and Lily have a conversation about how James felt and Lily comforts him.

Pandalily - when remus and sirius weren’t talking, sirius had hooked up with mary (before the whole prongsfoot thing happened) at a bar they were singing at, and when lily found out about this, her heart broke. during the band meet ups, james offered her and her band to join in because he wanted her to meet the pantheons and stuff and she said yes. she saw pandora there and yk what happened!

Pandora x Lily x Mary - pandora and lily are both openly dating, but pandora knows that lily is still hurt/likes mary so they both begin to talk abt it, they agree to ask her to date the both of them, only when she apologizes, which she does daily. pandora also has a little talk with mary secretly soooo-they are endgame.

Remus x Barty x Evan - we talked about this. i like this ship a lot though 😭.

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the thing is, regulus finds out that james and barty used to date (and they still have some tension between them that is obvious), and he gets this freaky asf idea for jarty to literally just fuck and for him to just…watch. and that’s what happens. barty is a little hesitant but evan allows it (regulus told evan to come watch with him), and they just watch their boyfriends have sex and barty plus james are just blushing and stuttering messes bc they literally used to like each other and barty + james remember exactly how to make the other feel good and it’s so fucking hot to watch.

there are times where evan, james, barty, and reg go at it all together too, and it's funny because they won't admit in public that they like each other, other than jegulus and rosekiller, just for fun and to mess around with the fans and make them confused. And for example, whenever regulus and/or barty isnt available, evan will literally approach james and just tell him how desperate he is right in his ear and james would literally get so fucking hard and theyd just devour each other.)

fans are fucking confused and they think its a foursome and theyre all dating and in love bc regulus, evan, barty and james all start messing with the fans and it makes them so confused bc they post pictures of each other and them making out yk? All the fans know for sure is that it’s between four people who have a lot of trust in each other. barty trusts james and regulus because they used to date and were best friends, and he trusts evan because they're dating. evan trusts james bc barty used to date him and he's dating reg whos his best friend, james trusts barty because it's barty and he trusts evan bc hes bartys evan…its obvious why regulus trusts all of them.

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Bartylus - kind of like Jily, except they were actually dating. barty loved regulus, but regulus was only dating him not only for funsies, but bc, yes, he also was in love with barty but Reg just wasn't ready for a relationship yet, even a fake dating one, but he didnt know how to explain himself + bc he had body dysmorphia since he was trans and he needed time to himself. evan is jealous as FUCK (he doesnt know who hes jealous of? perhaps he just wants to join..), james is crushing on regulus (and Barty + Evan) he just doesn't say anything bc barty already got to him and it's too late (HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT’S FINNA HAPPEN…). he’s closeted though so he ignores the feeling. regulus notices that barty is truly in love with him, so he breaks it off, explaining everything to him, and barty agrees to cut it off bc he still has some self respect. they're still friends though, evan is way to happy abt this yet also upset and regulus notices, they both talk abt it and regulus agrees they'd look cute together (he has a feeling barty’s not the only one evan likes…). He was NOT transitioned here.

Quillkiller - is a background ship.

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Who’s a witch/wizard? Regulus, Mary, Marlene, Pandora, McG, Sirius, Lily, Bellatrix, Andromeda, Barty.

Who’s a vampire? Evan, Dorcas, Narcissa.

Who’s a werewolf? Remus. Just him, poor lad.

None, terrified for their life (but also awed)? Frank, Alice, James, Peter.

Frank and Peter shit their pants when they do smth scary.

James and Alice think it's cool and chill.

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James, Marlene, and Barty were childhood friends. They broke apart (not only) because James + Marlene were Christian and Barty + the other slytherins were satanists and by satanists i mean SATANISTS. not the good ones. there were rituals, sacrificing, murder, etc. this wasn't the only reason they broke apart. it was bc of regulus, liking each other and the tension, religion, etc.

marlene and barty still talk occasionally but secretly. marlene hooked up with narcissa, before dorcas.

Barty and Evan have each other’s first pic around their neck (Pandora got them on a necklace) and at the beginning of each concert they both kiss it and the fans go crazy. they aren’t together at this moment, and the fans are convinced they are but barty’s excuse (bc denial is a bitch) is that it gives them good luck. evan is pissy abt it but he doesnt show it.

the black sisters ARE included. so are the evil parents :(

Peter has a prosthetic hand. As a teenager, he was diagnosed with Apotemnophilia, which is a condition where an otherwise sane person is preoccupied with desires to amputate a healthy body part. It is characterized by emotional distress that disturbs social and occupational functioning. He followed an impulse and purposefully chopped his hand off with a butcher knife. He nearly died, but somehow survived. (Perhaps it was Pandora’s doing? 😏)

Dorcas has major anger issues. She sometimes blows up at random moments when things that anger her pile up into a huge mountain of pent up frustration. She yells, sometimes even breaks things and slaps someone/gets physically angry. She cries out of the fury too, and also from the guilt but she tries to shrug it off as ‘feeling very agitated’. Regulus and Pandora are trying to help her with this so she doesn’t harm anyone around her. Marlene gets scared of her at these times because Dorcas had once lifted her hand as if to slap her. She feels absolutely shitty about this ofc, so that’s her motivation to get better.

Sirius also has a lot of anger issues and stubbornness. I mean, he literally was raised in The House of Black. He still sometimes blows up on people but whenever he feels it coming, he steps out of the room and breathes in and out slowly, just like Remus (and Dorcas) taught him. He steps back into the room, and completely blocks out the other person so they don’t hurt each other. He’s also very stubborn. Convincing him to do something he doesn’t want to is extremely difficult, and he will get whatever he wants in some way, shape, or form. This man is not easy to break down and make vulnerable, he is cold when he wants to be, and stubborn when he can be.

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all the purebloods are mentioned with incest, and the fans find it hilarious but disgusting at the same time. many jokes abt it

james and barty do reconnect and are friends again (and more one day 😏), so marlene comes out with the truth and james gets playfully angry at her for not telling him.

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ppl who have hooked up:

james and barty before fame. they were each other’s gay awakening, they were just scared of being gay bc of james’ parents and barty wasn't scared he was just worried that this wouldn't work out, and he was kind of in denial about being into a man. (it worked out!)

james and sirius for fun. also when prongsfoot happens. it was uncomfortable?? but they laughed during it so they had a good time!

peter has hooked up with all of them bc they all agreed he needed a boost of confidence abt his body. and i mean EVERYONE besides the lesbians, asexuals, aromantics, and straight dudes.

peter, barty, and evan bc why not? they're mentioned having sex a lot to the point readers will think they’re forever fuck buddies but they’re actually not, barty and evan just like making pete feel good abt himself and also—free sex!

evan and regulus, also as friends before fame since they were childhood friends like barty and james. regulus was having a crisis if he was into sex or not bc of his transition and if his body dysmorphia would get in the way, and evan was having a crisis if he was asexual or not. turns out, evan wasn't asexual, he just needs to have a emotional connection with the people he fucks, and reg was in fact gay, and his body didn’t impact sex in anyway for him. this is when they started developing feelings. at this time, regulus was wondering if he actually liked james and evan was wondering if he liked sex bc he wouldn't think about it like other dudes.

alice and narcissa got together after narcissa and marlene’s relationship, and then alice said she definitely wasn't into females and began dating frank (she’s either in denial, or she actually doesn’t like females).

bellatrix and rita because YES.

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The Valkyries: sound like Taylor Swift, Laufey, Mitski, Lady Gaga, Olivia Rodrigo, Phoebe Bridgers, Ethel Cain, very pop and indie.

The Marauders: Old songs/bands vibes, The Scorpions, Pink Floyd, stuff like that.

The Pantheons: The Neighbourhood, Cage the Elephant, Arctic Monkeys, Conan Gray, Ethel Cain and also Ghost. very Indie and dark stuff. Billie Eillish? Phoebe Bridgers?

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when the bands get together secretly, pandora and frank tell them to write a song and they’ll release it, but they have to sound like a song that the other band would write, just so the fans would be on edge. reluctantly, sirius and regulus oblige. The Pantheons sing Still Loving You - Scorpions, and The Marauders sing Don’t Cry - Guns N’ Roses

james and regulus tried hiding themselves from sirius, and when he found out all hell did in fact break loose, but he began to accept it over time because remus calmed him down and so did effie and monty. But then, he finds out about rosestarkillerchaser, and this causes him to have a heart attack and he approaches james and slaps him, and barty goes, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing!?” evan hisses, “The actual fuck was that for, arsehole!?” and reg just giggles and mocks, “Yeah, what was that for, Siri?” bc he knows damn well what that was for.

remus and lily get along GREATLY with regulus.

sirius and regulus have beef they need to get over with. their friends help ofc. bc of this barty, evan, pandora, and dorcas all hate him but would support regulus’ decision if he ever accepted sirius’ apology.

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evan and pandora are twins, not black though. I can’t imagine them being dark skinned bc I’m so used to evan being this pale Veela looking dude 😭

bc in the canon movie barty has that weird tongue tick, I decided to give him tourettes!

pandora plays the kalimba on her own time. she is so queen.

pandora is asexual and evan isn’t in this AU.

sometimes one of the slytherin skittles has a meltdown or a nightmare, and whoever is there from the group begins to comfort the other person (+ their lovers).

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The bodyguard for the marauders is mcgonagall! (She can and she will beat someone’s ass if they mess with the marauders. She sees them as her own children, she’s such a lesbian mother. The marauders always annoy her but she acts like she hates it even tho she doesn’t.)

The bodyguard for the pantheons is hagrid! (You would think since they’re death eaters they’d hate him, but they adore him. He’s so protective, and a big fluffy giant towards them. There are short tiny scenes where he bonds with the slytherin skittles.)

The bodyguards for the valkyries are the bodyguards wherever they sing!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Family Issues include:

James Potter - he's had a happy childhood and a good, caring and loving family who took in nearly all of his friends as their own or as their second parent. whether it be sirius, marlene, barty, regulus, evan, it doesn’t matter. his parents miss barty and wonder how he is, but they'll see him again! (and 2 other men. effie is gonna have a heart attack and monty is gonna pass out) he was also spoiled and stuff since he was an only child and effie + monty were trying thousands of times for a kid. they love all of his friends and give him unlimited freedom yet they are strict in the most perfect ways.

Sirius Black - he was the heir of the black family. he was supposed to basically contact with the devil and make a blood oath to be his follower for life no matter what and he escaped last minute all the way to the potters, leaving his brother behind.

(everyone gets a tattoo when they make a blood oath and it’s the Sigil of Baphomet/The Serpent Leviathan/The Goat/The Inverted pentagram or pentacle.)

(other names for the bad guy: Lucifer, Satan, Beelzebub, Devil, The Devil, The Beast.)

Remus Lupin - his parents never really paid attention to him and he was neglected, his father had resentment for him since he got the wolfy problem and he wasn't their perfect son. hope, his mother, would take care of him in small ways like leave food for him, med kits, clean his clothes, make his bed, leave him small notes with poems about how much she loves him. he cut all contact with them though, other than his mother from time to time.

Peter Pettigrew - very chaotic family. thousands of cousins, aunts, uncles, grandpas, grandmas, etc. usually needs a break from family and concerts help him a lot with that. that's literally it. a lot of family issues and fights too that affect him badly.

Lily Evans - has problems with her sister, they always get into arguments even though she just wants the best for her sister. her parents favor her and you'd think lily would like the attention but she doesn't. petunia was never successful in life so seeing lily with so many friends, being all witchy, being famous, and managing to get many partners in life makes her envious. she vents to remus, regulus, her girl besties, mary, pandora, and sometimes even james about her problems. they try their best to help her. near the end, the sisters both get a good relationship.

Mary Macdonald - she doesnt ever open up about her parents, but it is mentioned they’re VERY strict, and they don’t like the idea of her job being JUST playing guitar in a bar. she rebels against them though all the time, thanks to Sirius.

Marlene Mckinnon - her parents are exactly like james’ except they always get into arguments when no one else is home other than their children. but they really do love each other! the parents (and siblings) also don't miss barty at first bc he's a proud chosen satanist, but after a long talk with james, effie, even regulus and marlene and after seeing barty again, they take it all back.

Dorcas Meadows - her parents don't care about her. that's it. they neglect her all the way until she was 16, the age that you must make the oath to the devil. that's the first time they showed her any attention and love, the first time they were home for more than 3 hours. she got the mark and she made the oath, but after turning 18 she became a christian to rebel against her parents’ beliefs. they were so neglectful tho that they didn't even notice.

Regulus Black - after sirius ran away his parents began to direct every single abuse and attention to him, forcing him not to mess up. he believed his parents really did love him but after some thorough talking with his friends (+ james, remus, and lily at some point) he sees the truth. when he finds out he's going to make the oath soon, he has a panic attack but right when he gets it he realizes that his whole future is now decided for him. he has his friends that comforted him though because they understand. but just like dorcas, right when he turned 18, he ran away from home and now shares an apartment with JUST barty and evan. that is until he (they) begin to date james. and he also becomes an atheist even though he did see the devil. he chooses not to believe in those things, but he does do witchcraft.

Barty Crouch Jr. - his dad never cared about him unless it was unleashing his anger on him or dragging him to church. this was the reason why he even decided to get the blood oath and tattoo. and the thing is, he didn’t only receive the tattoo people usually got immediately, but he tattooed every single satanic symbol on his body. he also did it for his friends so they wouldn't be alone. he's an open satanist, and MOST ppl dont care bc they know how he really is. (you would think james wouldn't like the pantheons for this reason, but he found it hot?? poor jam—ME TOO!!!)

Evan Rosier - his parents were abusive and didn't care about him, they favored Pandora bc many men wanted to marry her for a lot of money and she was very easy to manipulate. they would literally starve him, lock him in dark rooms, etc. he was forced to become a satanist and he knew it was coming so he alerted all his other friends about it. after turning 18 though, he became a theistic satanist, just so he could show the devil that he won't fight what he has typed onto his skin, but he’ll choose to be his own god bc this one clearly couldn't control him!

Pandora Rosier - she was favored by her parents, and she knew they thought she was easy to manipulate and ‘dumb’, so she played along. when she was forced to do the blood oath, as much as she wanted to fight and run away she didn't. she took the oath calmly, and chose the most open place for the tattoo. after turning 18 though, she unlabeled herself completely, and she ‘designed’ the old tattoo with new ones, just to make old sat-sat mad.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Races:

mexican james (evan and reg fall to their knees when he speaks spanish. even barty does which he rarely shows, but it happens he just tries to hide it.)

french sirius (remus is in love with him.)

welsh remus (for some reason, everyone other than sirius finds his accent ugly. barty and evan + reg were a little iffy about the accent when they were dating/‘dating’ him.)

british peter

jewish lily (very proud about her religion, mary loves her so much bc she's just different like that.)

british mary

korean marlene (dorcas loves that bc it means she can learn a new language and she loves learning new things.)

jamaican dorcas (WE LOVE HER!!! Marlene is in love with her.)

french regulus (is there anything to say? james, barty, and evan all fucking love it. they crave it. Evan is more chill with it bc he speaks Italian but when they both start going back and forth in their languages it’s so HOT.)

german barty (evan genuinely feels weak in the knees when bee speaks german, james gets even more turned on, and regulus acts like it doesn't affect him.)

italian evan (same thing as bartys.)

italian + thousands of other languages for some reason pandora?? (everyone loves her. she slays.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ages:

James: 21

Sirius: 21

Remus: 21

Peter: 20

Lily: 21

Mary: 19

Marlene: 22

Dorcas: 22

Regulus: 20

Barty: 19

Evan: 21

Pandora: 21

Alice: 24

Frank: 24

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Religion:

James - Christian (was raised in a christian household. would go to church every weekend. his dad thought that barty was also christian just like marlene and james bc Crouch Senior would take him to church and they would see him there, but effie knew better. barty knew that effie knew, so he would always confide in her, and she would always be there for him bc she didn't care abt religion. monty didn't either, he was just shocked.)

Sirius - Nearly Satanism, Christian (was forced to become those bad satanists, but when he was supposed to get the ‘dark mark’ he ran away during the night, leaving regulus behind.)

Remus - Atheist (never cared about religion, and his parents didn't either. he believes we all choose our own fate, and not some being/energy.)

Peter - Christian—i mean c'mon have you seen his family?—was interested in Satanism for a moment but not anymore after realizing the importance of his friends and family. barty and evan knocked some sense in him (+ reg at one tiny moment).

Lily - Jewish (her family was jewish and so was she, but she doesn't have anything against others with different religions.)

Mary - Atheist (like remus.)

Marlene - Christian (like james.)

Dorcas - forced to become a Satanist, but after turning 18 she chose to become Christian. (like sirius, except she never ran away, she took the mark but turned into a christian, and her parents were so neglecting that they didn't notice.)

Regulus - forced to become a satanist, but after turning 18 he chose to become an atheist. (yes, he did see the devil himself, but he decided not to believe in him and keep everything to himself, and basically be in denial. people would call him a coward (even sirius at first), but after finding out more about his point of view on the matter, they would understand. he does open up about it with his friends after a long time of covering it up).

Barty - always wanted to rebel his father and never really cared about religion, he would say he’s an atheist but after making the blood oath he DEFINITELY believed in the gods..he was a forced christian but decided to become a reactive satanist for his friends and to disappoint his father extremely to his limit. his friends (specifically evan) were very angry at him abt this but they got over it. (evan didn't as much, he feels very guilty about it and barty + james + pandora always reassure him that it's not his fault or anyone else's besides his parents’. regulus never said anything bc like i said: denial.)

Evan - forced to become a BAD satanist, but after turning 18 he chose to become a theistic satanist, which means he believes he is the god of himself. (he did this to ‘show’ the devil that he is his own person and not some puppet.)

Pandora - doesn't care about religion. is unlabeled. but was forced to become a satanist. (if anyone asks her about the topic she'll literally just stare at you and majestically float away. if any of her close friends ask her, or if it's obvious someone is in distress, that's the only time she'll open up about it.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barty, Reactive Satanism - Refers to a group of individuals who adopt the stories of mainstream religion but invert its value. Thus, Satan is still an evil god as defined in Christianity, but one to be worshiped rather than shunned and feared. In contrast, most modern “rationalistic and esoteric” Satanist groups are loosely organized with a set of moralities which explicitly focus on this world. Some may have a more transcendent, spiritual dimension that might include the possibility of an afterlife. Such groups tend to be more exclusively naturalistic and all shun violence and criminal activities, which is what barty is a part of bc he’s not THAT evil.

Evan, Theistic Satanism - In the resulting theistic Satanism, practitioners recognize the existence of one or more supernatural beings. The major god, viewed as a father or older brother, is often called Satan, but some groups identify the leader as a version of the ancient Egyptian god Set. Set is a spiritual entity, based on the ancient Egyptian notion of xeper, translated as “self-improvement” or “self-creation.” Regardless of the being or beings in charge, none of them resemble the Christian Satan. Instead, they are beings which have the same general qualities as the symbolic Satan: sexuality, pleasure, strength, and rebellion against Western mores.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOT ALL FORMS OF SATANISM PROMOTE MURDER, RAPE, EVIL, ETC. —OFTEN TIMES SATAN IS A GOD OF THINGS LIKE FREEDOM, SEXUALITY, STRENGTH, CREATIVITY, HEDONISM, AND SUCCESS!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

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loriache · 6 months

Text

"I've been waiting for ages for somebody to unmask them."

This moment tends to elicit negative reactions in a first read through, and I've got some opinions about why where Kabru is coming from here actually makes a lot of logical sense. So I thought I'd elaborate on that.

I think people hear this and go, "He thinks they must be hiding something because they gave money to someone? What a cynic." Or "he dislikes them because they did charity?? What's wrong with this guy!". And obviously, a lot, a lot is wrong with him. But I think this makes more sense than it seems at first glance! What people evaluating this judgement miss is why Kabru is paying attention to Laios and co to begin with.

Kabru knows of the Touden siblings because (he's a little bit of a stalker-) he is keeping an eye on all the relevant parties in events developing on the island, in order to be able to guide them to his preferred outcome. This includes adventurers because they are the ones actually exploring the dungeon! He's well aware that something as minor as internal tensions between party members could be key to the historical events that are developing. (He would love the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.)

His desired outcome is that whatever the rewards are of breaking the dungeon's curse, whether that's kingship or the ancient elven secrets of dungeons, are claimed by:

A) a short lived person

B) Someone who will be a good, effective leader and/or use those secrets and the power they carry wisely, with foresight, and to establish a political bloc for short lived people.

The person he can best trust to do this is, of course, himself. But due to his PTSD regarding dungeons and monsters, he's not able to develop the necessary skills to conquer the dungeon. Once he realises this, he starts looking for someone else who he can support to that end.

But most of the adventurers don't have any intentions of conquering the dungeon, don't have the skills, or are unsuitable in other ways. In fact, it seems like some potentially suitable people are the Toudens. There are a lot of good rumours about them going around - they actually seem to have a very positive reputation! That's what Kabru means when he says "unmask".

So when Kabru is observing something like them giving money to an old comrade from their gold-peeling days, he doesn't consider it a problem because "they're giving money to this person who doesn't actually need it" or because they must have some dark secret if they act superficially nice. I think he actually understands this situation and what it implies about Laios (in particular) perfectly well.

Laios and Falin gave money to an old comrade who got injured and couldn't work. That person then healed up but kept taking their money. Then he used the money to start smuggling illicit goods to the island.

The key is that for Kabru, the problem here is the same as with the corpse retrievers - people using the dungeon's resources to fuel dangerous, selfish, or violent pursuits cause problems for the island, attract more criminals and people with motives other than breaking the curse, and increase the chances of the whole situation ending in tragedy.

Kabru is willing to work with the Shadow Lord of the island if it gets him to his goal - he isn't scrupulous - but the criminal element of the island increasing is something he sees as a major issue.

Also, when you're evaluating someone as a candidate for power, riches, secrets, potentially kingship - then being curious about how the money you give to people is going to be used is kind of a relevant trait!

Interpersonally, Kabru's actually very easygoing - I mean, Mickbell isn't exactly an upstanding guy, is he! But Kabru likes him and they get along well. These traits wouldn't be a problem at all in a friend, or a comrade, or someone Kabru was confident he could use. But he can't get a handle on Laios, and Laios is someone who has the potential to be a major player!

On Laios' end, this is the same as with the marriage seeker who joined their party. She kept asking for things and he gave them to her, because he tries to be nice to others. He even gives her money! It's the exact same thing.

That's fine, but it became a problem because he basically wasn't interested in her motives, didn't notice she was trying to manipulate him, and it also didn't occur to him that the other party members would notice or be affected. We can assume the situation with the gold peeler is the same. When Kabru says that "It's not that they're bad people, they just aren't interested in humans," he isn't wrong.

The extent to which this is true of Laios is linked to his autism imo, (because it isn't just disinterest - he genuinely isn't able to notice nonverbal cues that people are lying to him or have ulterior motives) but to a greater or lesser extent I think it's a very common trait. Most people aren't actually that interested in other people who aren't close to them. Kabru is the weird one here. It isn't an issue except as a leader - which is why we see an immediate comparison to the Island's Lord, because that's how Kabru is evaluating them.

And disinterest in/lack of ability with people to the extent Laios exhibits it, it does, actually, make him a worse leader... it's just that as we see in the story, people can help him out. The rest of the party tell him the marriage seeker is taking advantage of him so he tells her he can't give her special treatment anymore. They're pissed and it's a crisis point - he couldn't have recovered their trust without Marcille and Falin - but that's exactly the point. With Marcille and Falin, he was able to recover their trust.

And he has other good traits that make up for it, such as his intelligence, strategic knowledge, open-mindedness and sense of fairplay.

Kabru doesn't disqualify Laios as a candidate based on what he sees about him from afar, though - he still tries very hard to get close to him, obviously hoping that if he manages he can steer Laios to defeat the dungeon and make up for his lack of people-skills in the aftermath. (Which... he does eventually achieve that goal!) He completely fails until the events of the story, so... definitely I think "They just aren't interested in humans" could also partially be a stung reaction to Laios' complete disinterest in him.

Anyway, that's my read on what exactly Kabru's "issue" with Laios is. Obviously, once he does find out what Laios' true nature is like - about his love for monsters - he develops an entirely new set of fears about Laios' priorities. But since Laios kept that a secret until the start of the story, he has no idea of that yet.

Given all that, I think it's interesting that he says that he doesn't think that the Toudens are suitable to defeat the dungeon, and that he's hoping they'll turn out to be the thieves. As some of his few potential candidates, people who he thinks may play a big role in the island's future, you'd think he'd hope they would be good people!

I suppose it's better, in his eyes, because it means that he's involved in something "interesting". They haven't just had their stuff stolen by regular criminals (boring, puts them further away from his goal) - they've been caught up in the beginning stages of "a historic event". The desperate and dwindling group forgetting morals in their quest to retrieve their lost comrade probably appeals to his sense of melodrama. Because he also just... loves drama.

Despite it being "uglier than anything he was expecting", he still pursues Laios as the person he wants to conquer the dungeon pretty much as soon as it becomes clear that he won't be able to do it himself and they are out of time. That's because... well, to be fair, there aren't any other options. And he fits standard A: he's short-lived!

and Kabru still hopes he can fit standard B, too, and be persuaded to use the power he wins for good. No matter how many nightmares he has about Laios, or whether he thinks about killing him. He doubts him, but ultimately he puts his faith in him and seems happy after the manga's ending that he made the right decision.

#dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #dungeon meshi meta #kabru of utaya #laios touden #labru #laios x kabru #dunmeshi #og post #kabru is such a big picture thinker. and he evaluates people more than he judges them imo #the hater jokes are funny but the people he judges most harshly arent laios and co. they're people like the island's lord.#but you don't see that as clearly because he isn't interested in the island's lord. he understands him. finds him contemptible but useful.#whereas laios lives in his brain rent free because he WANTS to understand him but doesnt quite.#even though he sees the elves as a major threat to his ultimate goals and dislikes the way they treat short lived races #he still understands and evaluates mithrun as an individual based on his own merits #he's one of the characters who is least judgemental in that sense because while he's always making judgements and evaluations #he's also constantly revising them whenever he gets more information #my beautiful machiavellian prince <3 #it's genuinely a really laudable way of understanding others imo.#the only problem is that because he's driven towards his goals by his PTSD and survivors guilt #he pushes himself into situations (the dungeon and also interpersonally) that trigger him or even just upset him #without regard for what he authentically wants or his own wellbeing.

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