#made these primarily for myself to help me write down key points on how some of my OCs fight. now I unleash this upon y'all

[mistfallengw2]

GW2 OC Questions: Combat Edition ⚔️✨

General Combat

1. How good are they in combat? Can they handle themselves in most fights? Is there anything that hinders them or acts as an exploitable weakness?

2. Do they like to fight? Is it something they only do when necessary, or are they always looking for a fight? Is fighting an important part of their life or something they actively try to avoid?

3. Are they good at hand-to-hand combat or do they prefer to keep their distance? Can they handle both situations? If not, what happens if they're forced to fight from an inconvenient distance or too up close for comfort?

4. How do they fight? Do they tend to stick to a strategy or just improvise? Do they prefer to win fast and hard, or to let their enemy tire themselves out before striking them down? Do they favor brute force and resistance, speed and dexterity, or something else? Do they fight fairly or is winning the only important thing? Elaborate!

5. Are they good at fighting alongside allies or are they better fighting solo? Are they better at taking orders or leading? Is there anyone (friends, pets, summons, etc) they synergize particularly well with?

6. What combat situation are they better suited for? Can they handle a 1v1 fight or do they prefer to have someone always on their side? How do they deal with larger-scale combat and what's their role in it (frontlines/leading the charge, backline/support, as far from it as possible, etc)? What happens if they are ambushed or outnumbered? Is there any situation that stressed them particularly?

7. How much have they trained to get where they are? Were they a prodigy/naturally talented, or did they have to struggle a lot to reach their current skill level? Did anyone teach them or are they self-taught? Have they ever had a regular sparring partner? Do they still train regularly?

8. Do they have any visible scarring or lasting injuries from previous combat experiences? How did they get them? How do they feel about them?

9. Are they also a healer/medic? What can they do if someone is hurt and needs assistance? Can they heal themselves? Do they have a plan for when they're injured?

Weapons and Magic

10. What weapons do they generally use? Are they particularly proficient with anything specific or have a preference of any kind?

11. Are there weapons they can't use to save their life? Why?

12. They have no access to their usual weapons of choice. What other weapons do they pick? How do they fare?

13. Can they use magic? If yes, what kind? If not, is there a specific reason?

14. Is there any particular quirk to their magic? Is there something they can't do with their magic that others usually can? Is there something they can do particularly well?

15. How powerful is their magic compared to their peers? How do they feel about it? Is it their limit?

16. Is there any unique way in which they mix their magic and weapons? Can they do it at all?

17. Do they have any fears or traumas tied to their own weapons/magic? (ie: sharp weapons user afraid cutting themselves, elementalist afraid of fire/deep water, necromancer afraid of death, etc)

18. Can they handle themselves in a fight without using weapons? And without using magic? What would they do if they were in a fight and disarmed/unable to use magic?

19. Are their skills augmented by anything? (ie. enchanted armor, prosthetics/physical augmentations, blessings from powerful beings, rituals, experimentation, etc)

In-game Questions

20. What's their profession/class? Is it by the book or is there anything unique? If not one of the playable professions, what's the closest one/the one you use for them in-game?

21. What are their usual builds/roles? Is there any they can't do for lore reasons? (can be specific builds or just the general role)

22. What trait lines/specializations do they use? Is there any they can't use for lore reasons?

23. What utility skills do they tend to use? Is there any they can't use for lore reasons?

24. What weapon skins do they use? Is there a skin that has a lot of meaning to them? Do they stick to specific sets or not? Why?

25. Do they use a weapon or magic unique to them/that's not present in-game? If so, how does it work?

[allylikethecat]

1, 3, 75 (Rid Me Of The Blues) for the writer asks!!

Thank you SO MUCH for sending this ask! I love answering question asks and I also LOVE chatting about my fics so this is like best case scenario for me! Thank you so very much!! 🥰 If anyone else wants to send in some Get to Know Your Fic Writer Asks the list can be found HERE.

Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

I don't really have a preference! For me a one-shot vs a multi chapter fic depends on the story I'm trying to tell. Some of my oneshots, for example (Sometimes) my beta at the time had urged me to post as two or three chapters, but I decided I liked the way it flowed better as a oneshot. Meanwhile, It's Christmas (So This is Gonna Be a Nightmare) was originally supposed to be a oneshot that then evolved into a chaptered fic.

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

Usually, I start with a detailed summary of everything that I want to happen in the fic (kind of like a written down version of what I would verbally ramble to my friend) Once I have that little summery, I then start working on my outline and highlight the key things that I want to happen / specific scenes I want to include. From there I divide that into rough chapters and get to work writing! Some of my outlines are more detailed than others and that fully helps writing go faster, other times my outlines are more vague / have evolved so much that chapters take longer because I have to come up with more plot points / connect more things on the fly. Once I have usually the first two chapters finished, I start posting on AO3! For example On a Friday and All The King's Horses have very detailed outlines that I have stuck to, therefore writing those chapters is really easy and quick, since I know exactly what's going to happen. Make Way for Ducklings takes a little longer because that outline has been revised so many times I'm basically winging it at this point!

75. What scene in [Rid Me of the Blues] took the longest to write? What was difficult about it?  There were two scenes that took me a long time to write. The first was the breakup scene in Chapter 6. I made myself really sad working on it, and it went through many rewrites, because obviously we know that Fictional!Matty and Fictional!George were going to get back together eventually, so I didn't want to absolutely destroy the character of Fictional!George and I wanted to make it clear that he felt like he was out of options, his love for Fictional!Matty was killing them both and breaking up was the only option. With that scene also primarily being from unreliable narrator Fictional!Matty's point of view, I felt like I was toeing a very thin line. It was the big turning point in the fic and I wanted to make sure I did it justice, and was able to portray it the way I saw in my head. I am very pleased with how it turned out though! The other scene that took a long time to write as the scene in Chapter 7 when Fictional!Matty goes back to his childhood home to reconcile with Fictional!Denise. The bit where he was on the train was one of the very first scenes I wrote for the entire fic, and connecting it back to him actually going home and seeing Fictional!Denise was a challenge for me, because it felt very delicate and emotionally charged. Again, that's another one that I ended up really happy with, and even though I probably rewrote the entire later three fourths of the chapter six or seven times, I'm very pleased with the final outcome. Man I just love this fic in general and could talk about it for hours. Thank you so much for still caring about her! 🩵

Thank you so much for indulging me and sending in this ask! I love ask game situations and am so grateful any time anyone sends me one! If anyone else wants to send me some Get to Know Your Fic Writer questions the list can be found HERE! I hope you have a lovely evening and a great rest of your week!

❤️ Ally

[idrellegames]

Hello! In that ask about plot branches you mentioned your outline process (episode > scenes > sections > etc) Could you elaborate more? I would love to know more about your outline process, I am horrible at outlining. I'm not asking about plot and branches, I just want to know more about how do you first outline a story after you came up with an idea.

Hi!

You might find this post interesting. It is about outlining specifically for interactive fiction, though, so not all parts will apply to other forms of fiction.

Even though it's all writing, every medium of storytelling has different needs and demands. Long-form fiction is different from short-form fiction; plays are different from television. Interactive fiction is different from writing a novel.

I primarily write long-form fiction and my outlining methods reflect that; you probably won't need something as in-depth as this if you're working on something shorter. If we take interactive fiction out of the equation and focus on just outlining an initial story idea, this is usually how I work:

1. I make a beat chart.

This is a generalized or conceptual outline that jots down all the major story beats. Sometimes it follows a three-act structure, sometimes it has an episodic structure, sometimes it has any of the other multitudes of story structures.

Regardless of what structure it has, the main purpose of the beat chart is to know how the story begins, how it ends, what its key scenes are, and the overarching journey of the protagonist.

Some questions I'll ask myself are:

What happens? How does it happen?

Why do the characters behave the way they do? What motivates them to make the decisions they make?

What is the sequence of cause-and-effect? If Point A happens, does it cause something to make Point B occur? How is everything linked?

If plot events are happening out of nowhere, find a reason for them to occur. If I can't justify why they happen other than "I need it to happen for the ending to occur", then I need to find a better justification or cut the plot point.

Not everything needs to have answers right away. Outlines are guidelines, not hard and fast rules. Things change while you're writing. Sometimes you know you have a plot hole or you don't know how to connect Point B and Point C, and that's OK. Half the time you need to start writing before you can find your answers.

2. I make specific scene or chapter breakdowns.

I don't usually do these until I start working on the scene or chapter in question. These are like more localized versions of the beat chart, that breaks down the specifics of the scene. I usually jot down some sequence of Thing A happens, then Thing B, then Thing C, following the characters' throughline and logic until I reach the end of the scene. Sometimes I add additional explanatory lines or stray bits of dialogue I have in my head that I want to use later.

Depending on how this outline goes, I'll make adjustments and revisions to the story's overall beat chart. My process involves a lot of outline revisions to account for changes made during writing.

3. As I write a scene, I have a method of making notes (usually by hand) that sketch out the immediate "next steps" of the scene I'm in.

This helps me keep focus, overcome writer's block, and get myself unstuck when I write myself into a corner or don't know where to go next.

Because I have trouble focusing, my brain constantly jumps around in the scene. This tends to spark new ideas for things I want to incorporate later, so instead of working on the new idea, I jot it down in the margins of my outline. This usually includes things like bits of stray dialogue or sentences summarizing the idea I want to have happen, and then I return to them when I've reached a point where I can incorporate them.

I usually do all of my outlining (regardless of the stage of the process) by hand since I'm easily distracted when working on a computer. I find it's also easier to do flow-charting since I can move pieces around physically in my space. I tend to use colours and highlighters to divide up sections of my outlines. And I'm always adding new notes and ideas in the margins.

My outlines often come out like gigantic checklists. It is so satisfying to finish a scene, cross-out all the plot points/character motivations/stuff I had planned, and ultimately check the scene off the list. Though the scene usually doesn't take shape exactly the way I planned on the outline, it always comes out better than the original plan.

Final Thoughts

I'm not sure if this is helpful? I think the thing with outlining (and writing in general) is that it's difficult to pin down what works for you in advance. The best way to figure it out is to try it. Try different things. Experiment with your writing methods.

For example, I know folks who don't work with beat charts at all. They draft entire novels by the seat of their pants to figure out the story, then start over and write a new draft from the beginning once they know how their plot and characters shape up. I went to school with a playwright who writes primarily out-of-order, filling the gaps of their play until they have something complete, then doing multiple rounds of editing to make it all cohesive. Sometimes an outline is "here's where the story starts" and "here's where the story ends" and you figure out everything in-between through the act of writing.

I just want to note (since I run an IF development blog) that these methods don't work for interactive fiction games. There is far too much going on with continuity and variation branches to go without an outline. Putting yourself in a position where you have to write your game, then write your game again to make a cohesive story means you're doubling your work for a medium that already risks growing exponentially out of control. You have to know the direction of your game's plot. Putting yourself in a position where you have to do multiple re-writes and re-code large swaths of your game to account for changes is a surefire way of sinking your project and ensuring you never finish it.

Everyone's style or method will be different, so what works for me might not necessarily work for you. At the end of the day, the result is the same: you have a story to write and you have a plan for how to do that.

[oddberryshortcake]

I know your whole deal is exploring the major complexity of Zim character as well when it comes to Irkens as a whole race, which I love. But what do you think of Vortians though? Like one of things I would've love too see from the show if it had still continue is seeing more of the past partnership between the two before things went to hell with the alliance. Also more on Vortian culture or how the two even become allies to begin with, the undertones reminds me of things in history.

I’ve actually thought a lot about Vortian lore because I really like them! So I’ll share some stuff that I’ve observed from the series and what I’ve personally headcanoned 

Vortians and Irkens have been allies for a significantly long period of time, well before Miyuki even, as basically all Irken Ships were created by Vortians (with some aesthetic differences between the two, the Irken Ships were clearly meant to look more Irken compared to authentic Vortian ships which have mostly been destroyed) 

The Vortian/Irken alliance was primarily formed as both species had interest in improving themselves both in strength and technologically. The key difference is Vortians aimed for self-improvement and Irkens aimed to be stronger than everyone else. This, of course, could have been a gradual change, as I headcanon that Irkens had very humble beginnings and may have at one point simply just wanted to be stronger people and not conquer (at least at first this might have been the case, societies change) and Vortians were happy to help. 

While Irk is a hivemind primarily focused on its military, Vortians have a more individualist approach and focus on knowledge, technology, and growth. They rely on each other as a community rather than seeing themselves as part of one big machine as Irk does.

When their planet got conquered and turned into a prison, many Vortians found ways to subtly sabotage the Irkens as the Irkens continued to force the Vortians to make them tech (The episode Megadoomer is a good example of this, they deliberately made the Irken visible even under invisibility so that they’d be spotted by the locals that the Invader is trying to conquer over) 

Vortians are carnivores!! They have sharp teeth and primarily live off of meat. One of their delicacies that they are known by are “Vort Dogs” which a little free Vortian guy was seen eating in the episode The Frycook What Came from All That Space! Funnily enough, as Irkens are herbivores (Soft teeth, only eat sweets, bug-like) they very well could have been predator and prey in a distant past 

As an example of how clever and smart most Vortians are, a lot of them have discovered ways to escape their own imprisoned planet! (This is described in further detail by Eric the blob in The Frycook What Came from All That Space as well)

Vortians typically have two first names! (Lard Nar being the most recognizable one, of course, so I went off of that) and sometimes pass down similar sounds in their names to their kids!

That’s all I can think of to share now! There’s definitely more to come in time! And I am slowly but surely writing more about this stuff myself!

[lewa358]

Game Retrospective: The Outer Worlds

Fallout: New Vegas was a blast. It had gripping worldbuilding, solid characters, and meaningful choices.

But like…it was also, you know, complete shit. I’m sorry, it was. It beats out the first _InFAMOUS _for being the single ugliest AAA video game I have ever played, the combat was a ridiculously clunky mess, and so damn much of the game is just dragging myself at an achingly slow pace across a wretchedly dull landscape while doing nothing but holding down W. and Cazdors have my permission to go to hell.

I believe these two contradictory elements to be true, and I can’t explain how. New Vegas was one of those games I liked experiencing more than actually playing, for want of a better word.

I bring this up because it is basically impossible to talk about The Outer Worlds without mentioning the Fallout games, and New Vegas in particular. Like New Vegas, Outer Worlds is a sci-fi first-person RPG with combat primarily—but not exclusively—relying on chipping away enemies’ health bars with guns (and sometimes melee weapons). You have a selection of companions to choose from—two at a time—and quests to complete, perks to earn, choices to make, blah blah blah.

And of course, both New Vegas and Outer Worlds are made by the same studio, Obsidian, though with nearly 10 years between the two games’ releases I’m not sure how many of the actual people in that studio were involved in both games.

So naturally, it’s inevitable that I compare the two. But I seriously wasn’t expecting Worlds to be this much better than Vegas.

The environments are bright, colorful and surreal! Combat is…mostly very easy, so it’s not intrusive! Because the game is kind of a budget title, the environments are nowhere near as expansive as those in Vegas, but that just means that there’s much less empty nothing in between locations! And even then, the terrain is just a lot more varied, with hills and valleys, and there’s this cool mid-air dash you can do that keeps you moving.

And in stark contrast to, say, Xenoblade Chronicles 2, all these improvements are very much not at the cost of what made the earlier game so engaging. Outer Worlds’, well, worlds are a blast to envelop myself in. The entire game is a shamelessly brutal satire of unregulated capitalism, with corporations acting as governments and demanding an almost religious reverence for labor and The Brand, even as the colony crumbles all around them. Each of the locations explores this in different ways, from the MSI’s flailing attempt to unionize to Edgewater’s blatant depiction of resource scarcity.

And the writing is phenomenal. I kept sending screenshots of dialogue to my sister, because there was so much that I thought was insightful or just plain hilarious. Despite how limited the character creator can be (why is long hair out of style?), every person feels distinct and every dialogue tree feels meaningful, reinforcing the game’s key themes while working excellently on their own merits.

The companions are a blast, too. There’s no romancing them in this one, so their quests are all about character growth without any uncomfortable expectations of a sultry reward—and they’re great. Tripping out with a vicar to have him confront the contradictory nature of his religion. Helping some idealistic kid come to terms with the unfortunate reality of his revolutionary ideals. Helping a mercenary lay her companions to rest. Cheating some scummy “parents” out of money they own illegitimately. That robot is cool too I guess.

But Pavarti. Pavarti! Her one dumb sidequest is so simple, but so shamelessly earnest and optimistic that I immediately fell in love with it. Just…how many games have you acting as a wingman for another character’s romantic exploits, helping a character achieve their best selves without immediately jumping into the protagonist’s pants—or for that matter, anyone’s pants? How many games have a romance subplot that checks off not just one but two letters in that LGBTQA+ acronym? How many games can even attempt half of these things without coming off as pandering or saccharine, especially in a world as snarky and cruel as Halcyon?

That’s enough coherent gushing. Here’s some extra bits I thought were neat:

No lockpicking or hacking minigames! As long as you have enough picks, and your hacking skill is high enough, you just hold down a button until the thing opens.

The game’s approach to stealth is…interesting.

On one hand, you have the whole thing where you crouch-walk around enemies until a meter over their head fills to indicate that they see you, and unlike, say, Deus Ex you can’t just stealthily pick off enemies one by one. You either sneak around or fight, and all the stealthy approach will do if you can’t or won’t completely avoid enemies is let you get the upper hand.

On the other, you have something particularly genius: if you find a particular organization’s keycard, you can disguise yourself as them when walking into restricted areas. This happens automatically, as soon as you walk past a “RESTRICTED AREA” hologram, and then a meter appears, showing how long until your disguise disappears. In a final twist of brilliance, the meter only goes down when you move, so moving around in these areas is about careful planning more than speedrunning.* The combat is fine. I was way overpowered well past the halfway point, to the point where this game’s equivalent of Deathclaws took me seconds to annihilate, often without a scratch, and my companions yelling about how my weapon was ineffective (due to its elemental affinities, but again, I was OP, so it didn’t matter). But I’ll take “dull” over “fucking cazdors” any day of the week. That, and the final area was oddly difficult considering how breezy the rest of the game was.

Look, man, I loved this game. It might even be one of my favorites ever. I truly do not care that the game as a whole feels a little cheap compared to, say the PS4 God of War, or that it lagged a little bit throughout my whole playthrough. When it came to the parts that mattered, it succeeded with aplomb.

Playthrough notes:

Played on  PC via Game Pass.

Playtime: about 30 hours

Completed the game and seemingly most sidequests, including all companion quests (but not that one modeling sidequest). Sided with Phineas but used a smaller portion of the MacGuffin.

Source for images is the game’s official website, except for the skeleton guy in the hat, that was my screenshot.

[dailyrov]

Well, life’s been stressful, et cetera and so on. Welcome to 2021, which will hopefully be better than 2020, but boy-oh-boy is the bar low.

I was minding my own business today when some kind person dropped a comment on one of my ‘fics (If It Takes a Lifetime). I replied to them and then read through my other replies, relived the story a bit...you know, Something Fanfic Authors Do. I was reminded of something I wanted to post here for a while, but struggled to put into concise wording: my relationship to the series.

My first foray into The Rose of Versailles was in 2008, all thanks to a certain @kippielovesyou who baited me into watching the anime because she claimed the main couple had some things in common with a pairing I was super into at the time. I got hooked. I marathoned the anime and went to work after episode 39 without having gotten any sleep at all. Shift start was at 6:30am. The assembly line started moving. One of my coworkers nudged me. “Hey,” they said. “Did something bad happen? You look miserable.”

I wasn’t miserable so much as emotionally drained. “Just tired,” I said, and focused on my work for the next 8.5 hours. I wasn’t about to tell them that my favorite characters in a television show just died. 

I went home and watched the 40th episode. I felt weird afterward. Still drained. Almost...empty.

Not angry. Not betrayed. Just...this really strange sort of blankness that I had rarely felt upon reaching the ending of anything. I recalled a similar feeling at the end of the 1989 film Glory, but no other piece of media could come close to touching it. I would almost call it peace, though the unsettling kind. I’m not supposed to feel peaceful about a tragic ending, right?

But I was hooked. 

I downloaded the entire series on a torrent, something I hadn’t done before OR SINCE. I burned it to discs and mailed them to Wisconsin so that my oldest internet friend (now husband) could watch it. He cried at the end. I forced my sister to sit down with me to watch the whole thing. She cried, too. I wrote fanfiction. I drew fanart (it was bad, don’t @ me). I screamed about it to countless friends on Livejournal. I recommended the series to everyone I knew and a lot of those people joined me in writing fanfiction.

What a time to be in fandom!! We flooded the fandom with regular English fanfic for the first time ever. The fandom was hopping. I met two amazing women (Kasia and Loulou) who spoiled me rotten for fanfiction reviews for the rest of my life. I bought the French manga and read the entire thing. I fell in love with one specific page (you get one guess as to which that is lol). I distinctly remember crying twice while reading the manga in a language I could only stumble through: first when Andre tried to count the stairs in the house, miscounted, and tripped, and secondly when Oscar threw herself onto her mother’s lap crying that she was a human being with feelings.

I still get emotional thinking about these scenes, particularly the latter one. The Rose of Versailles got me through so much. I honestly don’t know where I would be, or who I would be, without it. There is no way Kippie could have known that I would need RoV. For her, it was as simple as, “I enjoyed it, and I think you would, too. Because shipping.” And yeah, I’m a shipper who did enjoy it for that, but it became SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT TO ME.

I don’t want to spit the whole long tale out here, but shortly after I obsessed over RoV, I had my own identity crisis. It was a tough time for me, but it also cemented my future as an essayist who focuses primarily on the literary device known as Identity. When I went to college in 2012 that was my focus in literature, and nearly every essay I wrote I chose to explore it in some fashion. Identity. What makes a character, what shapes them, what changes or moves or motivates them. RoV motivated that love for Identity and my essays motivated the English Department chair to give me a selective scholarship (that they chose, it was never applied for). The reasoning they cited to me was that I had shown a rare passion for literature and the characters within. For the first time in my life I felt validated in my obsession with Identity.

I was in my early 20s when I first saw The Rose of Versailles, and something about the character of Oscar spoke to me, but I couldn’t quite name it. I felt that I understood her, and not just for being a woman working in a man’s field. There was something else. But what? I couldn’t figure it out. 

A few years later I started seeing an uptick in romantic and sexual identities online. Demisexual. Asexual. Aromantic. Greyace. Something clicked—for me, personally, as well as my understanding of the characters. And years later, Tumblr flooded with information about ADHD presenting in women, and autism in ladies. And my brain went, OH!!!! OH!!! OH I SEE!!

I know a lot of people love Oscar for their own reason, and I think that’s probably one of my favorite things about the series: that the main character is almost universally loved by everyone, and that she receives this love no matter how the individual fans choose to view her.

Something specifically that bothered me many years ago was a certain persistent disdain for Oscar not returning André’s feelings earlier. She was blind, she was stupid, she was mean, and the worst of all: she was Bad for these reasons.

My God, when I tell you now that the scene of Oscar falling onto her mother’s lap in tears over being treated like a doll made me cry, I know why. I spent years of my life wondering why I was born the way I was. I agonized over it. I didn’t want to be “normal.” I was happy being me. But nobody else was. My sister once accused me of not having feelings. I think of that moment every time I see Oscar struggling in RoV. She’s a private person who struggles privately, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t feel things. And there Oscar was in the manga, having lived her life the best way she knew how, only to have her father pull the rug out from under her without deigning to even explain himself to her. Suddenly, she was not allowed to have an identity of her own. Suddenly, she was not good enough as she was.

Do you know what marriage would do to someone like Oscar, particularly at that point in her life? It would kill her. How terrifying a fate to face, no control over her own life, or feelings, or even her own body.

There’s an important scene in the manga and anime where André considers that Oscar appears “as cold as ice” to others, but personally recognizes the fire of her passionate heart and finds that endearing about her... I always felt that he liked that about her because it was a side of her only he understood, only he recognized for what it was. Like she trusted that part of her in his presence and knowing this helped that love grow. I still think that’s true.

But beyond that, I think André is on the ace spectrum himself, and understands better than anyone how Oscar’s feelings work. (There’s so much more to it than that, but I’ll leave it there for now...)

The part of the fandom that felt Oscar was selfish or uncaring for not loving André back sooner...miss the point, I think, of her character, and of the romance of the series. It’s not that Oscar is unfeeling. It’s not that she can’t love André. It’s not even that she’s choosing not to love him. In my opinion, it’s that she’s ace and the way she shows her love and care is not only different than a person might expect it to be, but also difficult to express—though whether this is due to her upbringing or her romantic identity (or both!) is up to interpretation.

More importantly, she does not owe him herself.

(And, I think beyond all this, usually people who feel this way really adore André, and while that’s great, I think they’re ignoring a key component of his character, which is: he loves Oscar and never even once so much as suggests that she owes him anything.)

Anyway, that was a long post to say: I view Oscar as ace and ADHD and I wish I could go back to 2008 me and tell myself about both of these things, because it would have saved me a lot of worry and heartache all those years ago. But it’s okay, anyway, because I still felt that connection to Oscar, even without the specific words, and I knew André loved Oscar anyway, even though he knew she was different.

If you’re reading this now, in 2021 or later, I hope you’ve been able to find a similar connection to one or several of the RoV characters. It’s not often we get to see slices of ourselves in the media, written in a sympathetic and loving way. Having that made all the difference to me when I needed it the most. ♥ And I hope it’s had a positive impact on your life, too.

[national-nobody-writes]

2020 Creator Wrap

2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works

I was tagged by the oh so talented @irolltwenties!

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I’m not a particularly prolific writer (WIPs for days, but completed projects? Not so much). Somehow in this hell year though, I did manage to complete more fics than in any previous year for a total of seven new works (~49k words, all on ao3), plus a chunky chap of a long running WIP (~20k words) so I’m actually pretty damn proud of myself! I also made some new fandom friends in 2020 which has easily been one of the biggest delights of the year & has definitely helped my creative momentum, so ty all for that. <3

Counting down from 5, here are my favs:

5. Downtime

I have endless love for JayRoy and it felt so good to finally finish something for them for once this year! All of my past WIPs primarily focused on them ended up firmly in my graveyard folder, including the fic that this one shot was originally meant to be connected to. I liked the way this turned out well enough to clean it up and post it on its own though, so at least now I can say that I have something published for them at last.

(Also it got me back into the JayRoy headspace enough to outline a whole YJ/Earth16 JayRoy fic that I’m excited to start drafting in 2021, so we’ll see where that goes...)

2.3k NSFW; A mix of playful sweet and roughness, just like them.

4. Mirror Image

Bluepulse Week really saved me this year in terms of forcing me to just write, damn it! Did I finish all the prompts this year? Nope. Did it get me to complete a handful of fics that I ended up really loving? Yes. This was one of them.

This fic zoomed into existence entirely out of necessity as an alt idea to a prompt that I had a much longer idea for, but didn’t have time to complete. It then got a positive enough reception that I decided to turn it from a crack-adjacent, passable one-shot to a slightly more developed two-shot by request of one of my commenters. Really, it was writing that second chapter that ended up endearing the fic to me.

6.3k Humor, time travel shenanigans & accidental dating. This fic is the sweetness of teenage crushes, the confusing mess of discovering your sexuality, & laughter with your best friend.

3. Soft Wesper One Shots

Would you look at that, another nsfw piece. Could it be that I’m starting to get to the point where I can look back at completed nsfw fics without cringing terribly? Love that for me.

This fic took me by surprise, tbh. I wouldn’t consider myself a part of the grisaverse fandom (I’m utterly ambivalent toward the OG trilogy & have no plans to read them), but I did fall deeply in love with the whole Six of Crows gang earlier this year to the point of having quite the book hangover afterward, unable to pick up anything else except related fanfic for a couple weeks straight. These fluffy, nsfw scenes were born out of that, and I was pleasantly surprised to see such a positive response to them in the comments. The whole SoC gang has my heart, but the dynamic between Jesper and Wylan in particular got my writing fingers itching.

3.7k Domestic, post-canon fluff & tender sex with flirty Jesper & blushing Wylan abound.

2. Stick With Me

Ohh, I still get warm fuzzies thinking about this fic! If I’m only low-key proud of the first three on this list, this is one I’m legitimately very proud of. I had this idea on the docket already from a convo with @ivyxwrites early this year (or maybe last year? who knows, time means nothing anymore) but used Bluepulse Week as the excuse to finally get started, and I ended up adoring the process of writing it far more than I anticipated.

As much as I love planning out meticulously crafted, plotty stories, sometimes all you want to do is pick some well-loved tropes out of a hat instead and run with them (in this case: stuck in a cabin, only one bed, & heated argument leading to confession). It was freeing to just mess around and have fun with this fic, knowing pretty much right from the get-go how I wanted it to unfold and seeing it so vividly in my mind. It also probably helped that I was writing it for Ivy; it’s much easier for me to stay motivated when creating directly for my friends.

Finishing this was also such a serotonin-filled burst of pure victory for me since, as previously stated, I’m terrible at finishing projects--particularly multi-chap fics, particularly within a decent timeframe.

25.5k A showcase of the essence of what I love about the best friends-to-lovers dynamic. Part character study, part wires getting crossed & uncrossed, and whole idiots to lovers. This fic is the warmth in the pit of your stomach from a yearning made real & the sudden clarity of realizing what you were looking for had already been there all along.

1. The Rest Pt 1: Delicate (Remember Me Chap 4)

Oh, Remember Me. Of everything I’ve ever written, this story remains the one I’m most proud of and certainly the closest to my heart (not to mention the longest running, whoops). The first iteration of the beginning of this story was actually drafted back in 2017, but I walked away from it for a couple of years before deciding to dust it off and try again. It has spiraled into something far bigger in scope than I originally planned for, but I’ve come to love the path it’s led me down so far, and finishing this whopping 20k chunkster of a chapter was like breathing a huge (if temporary) sigh of relief.

This chap was particularly cathartic to write because it allowed for a number of convos between the boys that had really needed to happen, and was finally the ‘getting together’ moment the fic had been building toward for a while. It’s also so sappy I could die, but I will not be apologizing for that, lol. I was really hoping to get Chap 5 up this year as well, but y’know. Sometimes things just don’t work out like you plan for and that’s okay. 

Chap 5 does have 17k done already (with prob another 5-8k still to go) & I’m itching to share it, but no sense in rushing if the end result would suffer for it. Luckily, everyone in comments has been kind enough to beat me over the head with ‘take your time, we don’t mind/we’ll still be here!!!’ which I’m immensely grateful for. So, at least the pressure to hurry up and get it done is purely self-inflicted.

Of all my works, this fic has not only gotten the most passionate responses, but has also been the main gateway for me to interact with other bluepulse creators, which has been a real joy. Nothing brightens my day like the essays people leave me over there from time to time after discovering the fic. That kind of engagement is the highest praise, & responding is very self indulgent fun for me (bc, clearly, I could go on and on about this fic & YJ in general forever).

54.8k total so far (WIP). Bart & Jaime’s relationship journey from beginning to ‘current day’ (aka the moment the fic begins), using amnesia/memory restoration as a framing device. The high highs and low lows of first love, navigating a 3 yr age difference, and the long, winding road from best friends to lovers as the years roll on. Slow-burn-adjacent (in terms of both the boys’ relationship to each other and reader’s relationship to the fic bc of how long I take between goddamn updates).

Tagging @ivyxwrites, @incorrectbatfam, @paintingwithdarkness, @bluepulsebluepulse

[strangertheory]

I’ll admit I’ve been very skeptical about the DID theory, but your most recent post discussing the “layers” was mind blowing to me. I’m still standing back to see how things play out, since it is a theory, but reading the first “layer”, I 100% can see that being part of the plot. The rest is a little more abstract and I’m curious to see how they would write it in if this theory is true. Thanks to you and Kaypeace for your posts on this theory, they’re interesting!

[This is a follow-up Ask referring to this earlier post.]

Thanks for Asking! I have a lot of thoughts on the possible “layers” going on in the story, but I find it challenging to put into words what my ideas are sometimes because I don’t consider myself a very good writer. I can’t promise that anything I write in this reply will make a lot of sense, but I will do my best! I’ve avoided trying to explain certain thoughts I have on the layers of the scenes because they’re complicated and I hadn’t been sure how many fans would have an interest in them since there’s already such a small number of fans interested in the interpretation that the story is about a DID System in the first place. This is yet a sub-theory of that theory! But I’m really excited that you asked. I will try to explain as best I can.

Please keep in mind that although kaypeace21 and I both theorize that Stranger Things is about a DID System (her blogpost about which characters are alters is excellent and I highly recommend it if you haven’t read it yet), we each have our own interpretations of the DID theory that are sometimes very different from each other’s. Her analyses are based on the theory that the alters, internal worlds, and traumas in Will’s mind have escaped his subconsciousness through supernatural means and have become real. I see her interpretation as one possible explanation for the events in the series and I do like that interpretation a lot. I think it’s a very compelling theory and interpretation of the events so far. But what I’m going to describe in the rest of this blogpost is not currently representative of what kaypeace21 theorizes is going on in the series. This “second layer” interpretation that I’ve considered is based on the idea that there are no real superpowers in the story at all and that they exist strictly within internal worlds or in the imagination of the storyteller.

▪️ ▫️ ▪️ ▫️ ▪️ ▫️ ▪️ ▫️

To explain my “second layer” theory which I also like referring to as my “story within a story” theory: I believe that some scenes (but not all scenes) that we see in Stranger Things might be metaphorical and not meant to be taken literally as they are shown, but rather seen as an artistic interpretation of certain concepts and scenarios.

Let’s look back at season 1. Imagine that a character (I’m going to say Mike because I do suspect he’s the one writing the story) is explaining the story of “what happened in 1983″ in a journal, and then a film crew had found what Mike had written down and adapted it into a series but the film crew did not know the original context of Mike’s story, and so the film crew was unaware that it was a story about Mike’s friend who has DID and that many of the characters in the story are actually alters.

“One day Will went missing and then a girl who said her name was Eleven showed up. She was scared and said that she knew Will but that he was ‘hiding’ and that she could help us find him in the ‘Upside Down.’ She told us that we absolutely couldn’t go tell any adults because it wasn’t safe and that ‘bad men’ were after her. I hid El in my closet upstairs when my mom came home unexpectedly. Mom told me that she wants me to feel like I can talk to her. (“All this that’s been going on with Will. I want you to feel like you can talk to me. I’m here for you!”) Later, Dustin and Lucas and I helped find clothes and a blonde wig for El. We made sure that my mom didn’t see El while she was at my house. We snuck into the school with El and tried to get to the radio in the AV Club Room, but Mr. Clarke found us and reminded us that we should be attending Will’s memorial assembly. Oops. (Thankfully Mr. Clarke didn’t ask too many questions about El and he believed our story that she’s a cousin from Sweden!) Attending Will’s funeral was a funny experience since we knew that he was actually alive after El channeled him on the walkie talkie (”Like Professor X!”) Eventually Nancy found out about El (”Is that my dress?”) and so did Joyce and Hopper and we worked together to put together a sensory deprivation tank because El remembered that she could enhance her ability to reach into the ‘Upside Down’ that way. We set up a sensory deprivation pool in the school gym. Joyce thanked El for everything that she was doing for Will and told her that if she ever got scared that she should let her know and that she’d be with her the whole time. El was able to reach out with her mind and find Will in the Upside Down. She found him in the Upside Down in Castle Byers, barely conscious. She told Will that his mom was coming to get him, and Will whispered back ‘hurry.’ Then El became upset as Will faded away into the darkness and her connection to him weakened. She took her goggles off and sat up in the water, panicking. Joyce held her close and told her that everything was ok. Joyce and Hopper went into the Upside Down to find Will and Hopper gave Will CPR until he regained consciousness. Then the Party got to visit Will at the hospital once he was feeling a bit better, and we told him all about the adventures that we’d had and that we’d “made a new friend” named “Eleven.” (”Like the number?”) Dustin said that El was “basically a wizard” but I insisted that she’s much more like a Yoda.”

So. I recognize that I skipped many scenes in the above example summary of how author Mike Wheeler might retell the story of “what happened in 1983,” but I skipped scenes because I want to primarily focus on the connection between El and Will that is represented in season 1 and set aside what is going on with the other characters for a moment. But if you re-read the summary that I wrote above you might realize that the way in which I described season 1 could be interpreted (at its core) as the non-fiction story of a bunch of kids finding their friend who went missing in the woods, realizing that the person they’re interacting with is no longer Will but a new individual (an alter, a distinctly separate state of consciousness and separate self), and then going on an adventure as they try to sort out the best way to “find Will” and bring him back while also becoming friends with El and protecting her from the “bad men” that she says are after her. The ‘Upside Down’ is a space in the DID System’s subconsciousness that is an internal world. The innocent creativity of Mike, Dustin, and Lucas as they try to find an outfit and a wig for El to wear to school is very sweet. The scene in which they accidentally run into Mr. Clarke when they are trying to break into the AV Club room becomes even more charming when you realize that Mr. Clarke does not appear to recognize El (but Mike, Dustin, and Lucas appear very nervous that he might realize something strange is going on!) Attending Will’s memorial service with El at their side gains an amusing layer of narrative irony, and Joyce’s protective parental affection for El gains new layers of significance. Every moment in the story changes if we imagine that the story we are seeing on screen is like a creative theater performance telling the story of “what happened” and each alter in the series is represented by their own individual actor on screen.

Are there moments in season 1 that break this “second layer” theory that I’ve considered? Arguably there are. I consider this a theory-in-progress. But the key concept of this “second layer” theory is that the story is perhaps not meant literally but is meant as a story that is artistically representative of the experiences that alters in a DID System might have. Many films and tv shows that portray fictional characters with DID approach telling their stories as an outside observer might and without taking into account the individuality of each alter, alters’ experiences in internal worlds, or the way that alters might have different understandings of our reality when they’re very new to the outside world and are fronting (controlling the body) for the first time. Perhaps Stranger Things is taking a new approach.

You’re probably wondering how I carry this “second layer” theory into season 2 and especially season 3 in which we finally see Will and El in more scenes together. I might write a longer blogpost about it at some point. But I believe that, if I were to assume that my “second layer” theory is correct (it’s just one of a few very different theories I’ve considered), that it is possible that significant portions of season 3 take place in an internal world or a dream in which characters that exist in Will’s life are now NPCs or alters. This would make Will’s statement “What if we locked him out here with us?” incorrect. What if Will should have technically said “What if we locked him in here with us?” What if “the Gate” is specifically the doorway through which alters need to pass in order to front in the body in the external world? As I’ve mentioned in a few other posts: I theorize that El is a gatekeeper alter. I suspect that Hopper is also a gatekeeper and that he has been mentoring El. In summary: I often wonder if Will is not always entirely “awake” and if many scenes are taking place in a liminal space between his conscious and subconscious, between reality and his dreamlike experiences in an internal world.

You might be interested in reading a summary of my observations regarding how Will and El do not interact with each other in any scenes in season 1 or season 2 directly in this older blogpost that I made about the parallels between El and Will. I think it might interest you a lot and provide more context to my “second layer” theory if you haven’t read this older post before. I am infinitely fascinated by how Will and El parallel each other so closely and yet rarely interact. I think that this is an intentional consequence of whatever secrets the writers have in store for us in future seasons and I cannot wait to find out what those secrets are. I hope that the connection between El and Will is going to be explored more in season 4.

How might we expect the layers to be peeled back in the series itself if the writers decided to reveal this “second layer” existed beneath the current story? I think that they could reveal things to us a few ways if this “second layer” does exist. Perhaps we could see a character meeting with a therapist and a medical professional would openly name the condition and describe what the characters have been dealing with in a way that provides very new “second layer” context to earlier events in the series. (Sidenote: Back in the 80s it was called “multiple personality disorder” and we might have characters in the series refer to it that way since it takes place in the 1980s, but that term is outdated and it should be referred to as “dissociative identity disorder” or “DID” today.) Perhaps we might see them artistically or literally represent concepts like co-consciousness (two alters being conscious and aware in the body at the same time) or have characters transform back and forth into each other while sitting in a chair in order to represent them taking turns fronting in the same body.

Or perhaps this “second layer” theory that I’ve described is insisting on too much artistry and metaphor and the real “second layer” is that the vast majority of the story so far has taken place in internal worlds and Hawkins itself is an internal world. (I have wondered if this might be why Hawkins doesn’t exist in the real world even though other locations referenced in Stranger Things do exist: Chicago, Indianapolis, etc.) If that were the case maybe we’ll see the shared body of the DID System for the first time in a future season which may (or may not) resemble any of the actors we’ve seen portray characters so far. But from everything that we have seen so far I theorize that the host is most often known by the name Will in the external world. (We've had both Will Byers and William "Billy" Hargrove canonically referred to as hosts. And we have "Will the Wise" who I suspect is also an alter.)

Thank you for your Ask! I hope that I was able to explain some my thoughts in a vaguely coherent way. I really should do a larger post breaking down every single scene between seasons 1 and 3 and how this “second layer” interpretation of the story could apply, but I haven’t had the time and I’ve been wary of doing it since I’m not sure how it would be received. But maybe I’ll do that sometime soon if enough people have an interest in it.

[ruelpsen]

Ruelpsen Writes #4: In Dreams

Sorry it’s taken me so long to write up anything lately. Hopefully this will give me a good start on turning that around...

Anyway, this one’s fairly short and is based on a dream I had that I made a post about a few months ago. First person perspective, male partner, primarily covering stuffing and burping. Enjoy! And as always, feedback is appreciated.

I was too deeply asleep to hear his key in the lock. My partner had a habit of coming in quietly after getting home from work, so this was nothing unusual. What would prove to be unusual, however, was the scene that followed... after about an hour more of sleep for me, that is.

I’m not totally sure what it was that stirred me awake. Could’ve been a mosquito, feeling too cold, a regular twinge of pain somewhere in my tired body- but ultimately, whatever it was didn’t matter. But as I began to come to my senses, I heard something odd downstairs. It sounded like a groan. Probably just my partner, I reasoned, seeing as he was not yet in bed beside me. I checked my watch. It was 3:16 in the morning, and normally he’d be beside me by now. I decided it best to get up and go down to see what the matter was with him.

What a sight there was to behold as soon as I’d made it downstairs and into the living room. There he was sprawled out on the couch, a bag of chips still in hand as he groaned from how full he was.

“My, my... what have we here?” I asked in a slightly teasing manner. He tried to sigh before replying, only succeeding in pushing a little air out due to how incredibly overstuffed he was, chasing it up with a very quiet burp.

“I...” he trailed off, groaning again. I approached him, hands on my hips as I maintained my semi-sweet, semi-sultry demeanor.

“How much did you eat, my big boy?” I asked. “Answer me.” He pointed towards the kitchen.

“See for yourself,” he huffed.

So I did. My jaw dropped as soon as I saw what a mess he’d made of the kitchen. The fridge door was left wide open, and there were empty Tupperware containers and food wrappers everywhere. I was somewhat amazed that he’d managed to do such damage without waking me. I took a closer look at the fridge and found that he’d eaten all the remaining leftovers from the last few night’s dinners, among other things. That alone was a lot of food- and to think he’d clearly put a serious dent in our ice cream supply as well...

Needless to say, I was thoroughly impressed. The poor guy was stuffed as could be and likely suffering for it. Least I could do was help him out a bit. I went back to the living room, dropping any remaining desire to tease him for his gluttony. I looked down on him as he continued to groan and took pity.

“Darling?” I asked. “Do you want some help with how you’re feeling? I saw how much you ate out there. I’m impressed, but I can only imagine how full you feel...”

“Please do,” he whimpered. I sat down on the couch, laying his upper body in my lap. Carefully I began to run the tips of my fingers along his taut belly, pressing gently every so often to try and find those pesky air bubbles that were only adding to his pain.

“Aren’t you going to kiss me good morning?” I asked. I lowered my head to his. Right as our lips touched, I pressed down more firmly on his stomach. I could hear a burp begin to slide its way up his throat. He immediately turned his head and belched into my ear. It was short yet deep, with a decent amount of heft behind it.

“What did you think would happen there?” he asked me. “Are you trying to get me to burp in your mouth?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“Oh. Uh... Not sure how I feel about doing that. Even if you like it, it just sounds... gross.”

“That’s okay,” I said. “I understand. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to, okay?”

“Thank you. Sorry if I disappointed you there.”

“No, no, don’t worry! I would much rather keep you comfortable than indulge myself a little, you know. Now let’s keep working those burps out, shall we?”

“Yes pleaseeeeeRRRRRRUUUUUP!!!”

“Good boy.”

I patted his stomach, bringing up a small afterburp. I then encouraged him to sit up and sit in front of me. I wrapped my legs around the lower part of his engorged gut while I continued to massage it with my hands. Once the burps started coming, they couldn’t stop. Soon they were coming up every few seconds, interrupting us as we continued to converse. The subject of our conversation quickly turned from what foods he’d eaten to the burps themselves. He was enjoying getting the gas out just as much as I loved hearing it, and I couldn’t help but rate each magnificent eructation that left his mouth. Each one started with a gurgle deep in his gullet before traveling upward and being expelled. As time progressed, they went from being fairly quiet to loud and long. Groans gave way to moans following each one, paired with the occasional ‘oh fuck yes.’

Eventually, he turned around so we could face each other. I of course continued to dote on his still bloated gut, but we could now easily kiss between each burp, with some gentle back and ass rubs in there as well. At one point, that sweet fucker even followed up a kiss by belching the words ‘I love you’ into my ear. That sent me over the edge and he was momentarily on his back with me on top of him, the force of my weight causing him to throw back his head and let out the single biggest belch of the night. It started out loud and proud before trailing off and becoming deeper, lasting damn near ten seconds in all.

“Damn, I didn’t know I had thaaaAAAAAUUUUURP! in me!” he exclaimed, interrupting himself with a short burp. All I could do was laugh, kiss him again, and help work the next burp up.

After some time, I moved myself next to him as we began to doze off- me from my original tiredness and him from a delayed food coma. He lulled me to sleep with the occasional quiet burp, as if to remind me that there might be more of this in store for the following night...

[aboveallarescuer]

Daenerys Targaryen in A Storm of Swords vs Game of Thrones - Episode 3.3: Walk of Punishment

In this series of posts, I intend to analyze precisely how the show writers downplayed or erased several key aspects of Daenerys Targaryen’s characterization, even when they had the books to help them write her as the compelling, intelligent, compassionate, frugal, open-minded and self-critical character that GRRM created.

I want to make it clear that these posts are not primarily meant to offer a better alternative to what the show writers gave us. I understand that they had many constraints (e.g. other storylines to handle, a limited amount of time to write the scripts, budget, actors who may have asked for a certain number of lines, etc) working against them. However, considering how disrespectful the show’s ending was to Daenerys Targaryen and how the book material that they left out makes it even more ludicrous to think that she will also become a villain in A Song of Ice and Fire, I believe that these reviews are more than warranted. They are meant to dissect everything about Dany’s characterization that was lost in translation, with a lot of book evidence to corroborate my statements.

Since these reviews will dissect scene by scene, I recommend taking a look at this post because I will use its sequence to order Dany’s scenes.

This post is relevant in case you want to know which chapters were adapted in which GoT episodes (however, I didn’t make the list myself, all the information comes from the GoT Wiki, so I can’t guarantee that it’s 100% reliable).

In general, I will call the Dany from the books “Dany” and the Dany from the TV series “show!Dany”.

Scene 3

BARRISTAN: The Walk of Punishment is a warning, Your Grace.

DAENERYS: To whom?

BARRISTAN: To any slave who contemplates doing whatever these slaves did.

In the books, the context in which we first see the Plaza of Punishment (yeah, the type of building was changed) is very different:

The Plaza of Pride with its great bronze harpy was too small to hold all the Unsullied she had bought. Instead they had been assembled in the Plaza of Punishment, fronting on Astapor’s main gate, so they might be marched directly from the city once Daenerys had taken them in hand. There were no bronze statues here; only a wooden platform where rebellious slaves were racked, and flayed, and hanged. “The Good Masters place them so they will be the first thing a new slave sees upon entering the city,” Missandei told her as they came to the plaza.

At first glimpse, Dany thought their skin was striped like the zorses of the Jogos Nhai. Then she rode her silver nearer and saw the raw red flesh beneath the crawling black stripes. Flies. Flies and maggots. The rebellious slaves had been peeled like a man might peel an apple, in a long curling strip. (ASOS Daenerys III)

As we can see:

In the books, Dany goes to the Plaza of Punishment because she's going to buy save too many Unsullied and the Plaza of Pride wouldn't fit them all. The names are very appropriate: Dany is going to undermine the pride of the slave masters (the absence of bronze statues of harpies reinforces that fact) by punishing them for what they did to the slaves (which feels like a sort of karmic payback, for she begins a successful anti-slavery rebellion in the very place where the slaves were punished for rebelling) and showing them that they are just as mortal and vulnerable as the people they were oppressing. In the show, all of this significance is lost because show!Dany goes to the Plaza Walk of Punishment before she even makes the deal.

In the books, the slaves are racked, flayed and hanged for disobeying their masters. In the show, they are whipped and then strapped to a cross until they die.

There is a reason why the place was changed from Plaza to Walk: the shooting location in Essaouira had a line of cannons that couldn't be moved, so they decided to build "cannon covers" with the crosses of the dying slaves.

I don't mind that the method of punishment itself was changed (from flaying to crucifixion) or even that the Plaza of Punishment was turned into the Walk of Punishment, only that the location was shown in the inappropriate moment. I can't see any reason why the Walk of Punishment could not have been where the deal was about to be finished only for show!Dany to rebel against the masters and free the Unsullied (like how it happened in the books in the Plaza of Punishment).

Another change in the context of the scene taking place in the Plaza/Walk of Punishment has to do with who is talking to Dany and what is the purpose of the scene. I will quote again both the show dialogue and (parts of) the book passage to emphasize my point:

BARRISTAN: The Walk of Punishment is a warning, Your Grace.

DAENERYS: To whom?

BARRISTAN: To any slave who contemplates doing whatever these slaves did.

~

There were no bronze statues here; only a wooden platform where rebellious slaves were racked, and flayed, and hanged. “The Good Masters place them so they will be the first thing a new slave sees upon entering the city,” Missandei told her as they came to the plaza.

[...] One man had an arm black with flies from fingers to elbow, and red and white beneath. Dany reined in beneath him. “What did this one do?”

“He raised a hand against his owner.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

In the books, Missandei (a former slave) explains to Dany why the Plaza of Punishment exists. That makes their interaction more powerful, since we're listening to someone who, at some point, likely felt the urge to run away only to see these slaves and realize that it would be more sensible to resign herself to the misery she was in. Also, Dany instinctively understands why the Plaza of Punishment exists before Missandei tells her ("a wooden platform where rebellious slaves were racked, and flayed, and hanged"). In the show, show!Barristan is the one who explains to show!Dany why the Walk of Punishment exists, which is less meaningful in comparison. Also, D&D have show!Dany ask him to whom the Walk is a warning, implying that she can't think of any ideas on her own and making this another case of her being dumbed down in comparison to her book counterpart.

In the books, one of the purposes of the scene is to call attention to the unfairness of these punishments - no person should be "racked, and flayed, and hanged", especially not for a reason as relatively trivial as "rais[ing] a hand against his owner". However, because the level of oppression and social inequality is so high in Astapor and Slaver's Bay as a whole, it's normal procedure to torture and kill someone for insubstantial motives. In the show, since show!Barristan was never a slave like Missandei was, he can't possibly know why they were punished ("doing whatever these slaves did"). Now, of course, one might argue that the scene still causes outrage because no one deserves to be subjected to that level of torture, but it's still quite a shame that the reason why the slave was punished was cut - not only that would have made the point even more explicit, that only happened because they erased the perspective of a former slave.

*

DAENERYS: Give me your water.

JORAH: Khaleesi, this man has been sentenced to death.

DAENERYS: Here, drink.

This series has a habit of framing acts of compassion and kindness as meaningless ones - as @turtle-paced​ reminded me, examples include show!Ned's trying to save show!Joffrey (how his attempt was framed in the show, in particular), Talisa's kindness to the Lannister squires who got murdered in S3, the old lady who tried to help show!Sansa in S5 only to get murdered by show!Ramsay and show!Doran's efforts to make peace. @secretlyatargaryen​ also called attention to how show!Meera was callously dispatched after multiple seasons helping show!Bran to go back home. I would also add how no one in Braavos was willing to help show!Arya after seeing her stomach wound (and then the one person who helps her is assassinated) or how show!Arya's attempts to save a child and her mother in "The Bells" led to naught.  

This scene is another clear example that fits the pattern. Instead of creating a scenario in which show!Dany tries to give water to a dying slave only for him to refuse:

Why couldn’t the show writers have had Dany explaining what, in her perspective, makes her worthy of being considered a queen?

Or why couldn’t they have kept Dany’s anger at seeing Jorah talk about the Unsullied as if they were objects to be sold?

Or why couldn’t we have had Dany saying that a queen must listen to all, highborn and low?

All of these examples were entirely cut from the series, which is a shame because they signal that the books are ultimately validating Dany’s efforts to help the oppressed (while it is true that they don’t shy away from the negative ramifications at the same time, her attempts are no less justified and necessary). This scene doesn't convey the same message.

*

BARRISTAN: Leave this place, Your Grace. Leave tonight, I beg you.

JORAH: And what is she to do for soldiers?

BARRISTAN: We can find sellswords in Pentos and Myr.

JORAH: Is it "we" already, Ser Barristan? If you want to sit on the throne your ancestors built, you must win it. That will mean blood on your hands before the thing is done.

DAENERYS: The blood of my enemies, not the blood of innocents.

JORAH: How many wars have you fought in, Ser Barristan?

BARRISTAN: Three.

JORAH: Have you ever seen a war where innocents didn't die by the thousands? I was in King's Landing after the sack, khaleesi. You know what I saw? Butchery. Babies, children, old men. More women raped than you can count. There's a beast in every man and it stirs when you put a sword in his hand. But the Unsullied are not men. They do not rape. They do not put cities to the sword unless they're ordered to do so. If you buy them, the only men they'll kill are those you want dead.

DAENERYS: Do you disagree, Ser Barristan?

BARRISTAN: When your brother Rhaegar led his army into battle at the Trident, men died for him because they believed in him, because they loved him, not because they'd been bought at a slaver's auction. I fought beside the last dragon on that day, Your Grace. I bled beside him.

JORAH: Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.

I'm quoting the entire exchange to highlight, again, how much the show overfocused on show!Jorah's opinions over show!Dany's or show!Barristan's.

Let's separate his arguments:

1) JORAH: And what is she to do for soldiers?

~

2) JORAH: Is it "we" already, Ser Barristan? If you want to sit on the throne your ancestors built, you must win it. That will mean blood on your hands before the thing is done.

~

3) JORAH: How many wars have you fought in, Ser Barristan? [...] Have you ever seen a war where innocents didn't die by the thousands? I was in King's Landing after the sack, khaleesi. You know what I saw? Butchery. Babies, children, old men. More women raped than you can count. There's a beast in every man and it stirs when you put a sword in his hand. But the Unsullied are not men. They do not rape. They do not put cities to the sword unless they're ordered to do so. If you buy them, the only men they'll kill are those you want dead.

~

4) JORAH: Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.

Now let's separate show!Barristan's arguments:

1) BARRISTAN: Leave this place, Your Grace. Leave tonight, I beg you.

~

2) BARRISTAN: We can find sellswords in Pentos and Myr.

~

3) BARRISTAN: When your brother Rhaegar led his army into battle at the Trident, men died for him because they believed in him, because they loved him, not because they'd been bought at a slaver's auction. I fought beside the last dragon on that day, Your Grace. I bled beside him.

Finally, what does show!Dany have to say?

1) DAENERYS: The blood of my enemies, not the blood of innocents.

The protagonist of this storyline is also, sadly, the one who least expresses her opinions on the matter of buying the Unsullied or not. (She also asks for show!Barristan's opinion and asserts that she is the last dragon, but these are not arguments/thoughts that add to the discussion)

Before I examine each line (which I will do in a sec), I want to pay close attention to the direction (which, let's have in mind, was solely Benioff's). The camera barely focuses on show!Barristan's face while he makes his first two arguments above, making them seem like an afterthought:

But it always focuses on show!Jorah's face when he is talking:

And while the camera does focus on show!Dany's face when she reiterates the importance of sparing innocent lives:

It's also true that the show erased too many of her opinions/viewpoints (as I will show below).

In terms of screentime, show!Barristan's first two arguments receive 6 seconds. Show!Jorah's first two arguments receive 12 seconds. Show!Dany's sole argument receives 3 seconds. Show!Jorah's third argument receives 39 seconds. Show!Barristan's third argument (which is actually a line from Dany in the books) receives 18 seconds. Show!Jorah's fourth argument receives 6 seconds. Approximately, then, we have: 57 seconds for show!Jorah, 24 seconds for show!Barristan and 3 seconds for show!Dany.

Now I'm going through each of these characters' arguments.

1) JORAH: And what is she to do for soldiers?

The first point is actually one that Dany is shown onpage bringing up in the books:

“When I leave Astapor it must be with an army, Ser Jorah says.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

“Yet I must have some army,” Dany said. “The boy Joffrey will not give me the Iron Throne for asking politely.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

It isn't out of character for Jorah to make this argument - in fact, he does so in the previous chapter when he proposes that Dany changes course to Astapor. However, since they are adapting events from ASOS Daenerys II (when they are already in Astapor), it's another instance in which the show writers would rather have a supporting male character have his voice heard rather than Dany's.

Also, more importantly, Dany is not making this argument to justify slavery like show!Jorah is:

“Even those who bent their knees may yearn in their hearts for the return of the dragons.”

“May,” said Dany. That was such a slippery word, may. (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

“My brother visited Pentos, Myr, Braavos, near all the Free Cities. The magisters and archons fed him wine and promises, but his soul was starved to death. A man cannot sup from the beggar’s bowl all his life and stay a man. I had my taste in Qarth, that was enough. I will not come to Pentos bowl in hand.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

The reason why getting an army before she gets to Pentos is so important for Dany is because she lived in poverty before and knows that she can't rely too heavily on anyone - she learned that when no one would help her brother, she learned that again when no one would help her in Qarth even with her dragons. She doesn't want to be powerless, but, at the same time, she doesn't want other people to be powerless as well. Having show!Jorah say these things doesn't have the same significance because he didn't have the same experiences that Dany did nor does he care about the slaves' plight.

So, yeah, that change is doubly awful: it prioritizes a male slaver over a female revolutionary.

2) JORAH: Is it "we" already, Ser Barristan? If you want to sit on the throne your ancestors built, you must win it. That will mean blood on your hands before the thing is done.

~

3) JORAH: How many wars have you fought in, Ser Barristan? [...] Have you ever seen a war where innocents didn't die by the thousands? I was in King's Landing after the sack, khaleesi. You know what I saw? Butchery. Babies, children, old men. More women raped than you can count. There's a beast in every man and it stirs when you put a sword in his hand. But the Unsullied are not men. They do not rape. They do not put cities to the sword unless they're ordered to do so. If you buy them, the only men they'll kill are those you want dead.

Show!Jorah's second and third arguments are actually one and the same and are expressed by Jorah in the books as well:

“Your Grace,” said Jorah Mormont, “I saw King’s Landing after the Sack. Babes were butchered that day as well, and old men, and children at play. More women were raped than you can count. There is a savage beast in every man, and when you hand that man a sword or spear and send him forth to war, the beast stirs. The scent of blood is all it takes to wake him. Yet I have never heard of these Unsullied raping, nor putting a city to the sword, nor even plundering, save at the express command of those who lead them. Brick they may be, as you say, but if you buy them henceforth the only dogs they’ll kill are those you want dead. And you do have some dogs you want dead, as I recall.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

However, there are still issues with how they presented his argument in the show.

One, the show writers interspersed Jorah's argument in the show scene, which shows how much they want to reinforce it.

Two, they have show!Jorah undermine show!Barristan (who is anti-slavery) three times:

JORAH: Is it "we" already, Ser Barristan?

~

JORAH: How many wars have you fought in, Ser Barristan? [...] Have you ever seen a war where innocents didn't die by the thousands?

~

JORAH: Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.

Look at show!Barristan finding no response to these points and his expressions indicating that he lost the argument:

By the time of this particular scene, show!Barristan had joined show!Dany's entourage one day ago (we know this because Kraznys said that show!Dany only had one day to decide if she would buy the Unsullied or not). Even if it's understandable (on a Watsonian perspective) that show!Jorah would distrust show!Barristan for that reason, it's less understandable (on a Doylist perspective) that the writers would use this reason to undermine show!Barristan's anti-slavery arguments or that they would write show!Jorah being distrustful of show!Barristan for that reason rather than the actual reasons in the books (i.e., Jorah being constantly disrespectful of Dany's boundaries and trying to isolate her from any man who, in his mind, threatens their relationship).

In contrast with the show, Dany has been with Barristan for enough time to trust him to be her sole companion when she meets Kraznys and the Unsullied. In fact, she brings him partly as an excuse to avoid to be alone with Jorah again after he kissed her without her consent:

He has a good face, and great strength to him, Dany thought. She could not understand why Ser Jorah mistrusted the old man so. Could he be jealous that I have found another man to talk to? Unbidden, her thoughts went back to the night on Balerion when the exile knight had kissed her. He should never have done that. He is thrice my age, and of too low a birth for me, and I never gave him leave. No true knight would ever kiss a queen without her leave. She had taken care never to be alone with Ser Jorah after that, keeping her handmaids with her aboard ship, and sometimes her bloodriders. He wants to kiss me again, I see it in his eyes. (ASOS Daenerys II)

And then there is the fact that the show writers have show!Barristan find no counterargument to show!Jorah's point below, as if that meant that it is too good to be questioned:

JORAH: How many wars have you fought in, Ser Barristan? [...] Have you ever seen a war where innocents didn't die by the thousands?

This happens because this moment was taken out of its original context in order to present show!Jorah as the "realist" one. Let's look at how the scene (which is only between Dany and Jorah) goes in the books:

“When Aegon the Dragon stepped ashore in Westeros, the kings of Vale and Rock and Reach did not rush to hand him their crowns. If you mean to sit his Iron Throne, you must win it as he did, with steel and dragonfire. And that will mean blood on your hands before the thing is done.”

Blood and fire, thought Dany. The words of House Targaryen. She had known them all her life. “The blood of my enemies I will shed gladly. The blood of innocents is another matter. Eight thousand Unsullied they would offer me. Eight thousand dead babes. Eight thousand strangled dogs.”

“Your Grace,” said Jorah Mormont, “I saw King’s Landing after the Sack. Babes were butchered that day as well, and old men, and children at play. More women were raped than you can count. There is a savage beast in every man, and when you hand that man a sword or spear and send him forth to war, the beast stirs. The scent of blood is all it takes to wake him. Yet I have never heard of these Unsullied raping, nor putting a city to the sword, nor even plundering, save at the express command of those who lead them. Brick they may be, as you say, but if you buy them henceforth the only dogs they’ll kill are those you want dead. And you do have some dogs you want dead, as I recall.”

The Usurper’s dogs. “Yes.” Dany gazed off at the soft colored lights and let the cool salt breeze caress her. “You speak of sacking cities. Answer me this, ser—why have the Dothraki never sacked this city?” (ASOS Daenerys II)

Dany doesn't offer any answer to the question of innocents dying by the thousands, but that's because GRRM writes it so that Jorah ends his line of reasoning with the argument that buying the Unsullied will cause less deaths in her war in Westeros. Right after that, GRRM shows Dany making good observations and gathering more knowledge, which showcases her intelligence. The show, on the other hand, hammers home one particular perspective in a way that the books didn't in order to make show!Jorah look "realist".   

Also, while we don't see Barristan explicitly replying to Jorah's arguments in the books (because, again, the context was both a) altered so that that would happen in the show and b) manufactured so that he would lose the discussion), I imagine he would remind Dany of this very important bit of information if he were to have a discussion with Jorah in front of Dany in the books like they did in the show:

“When I leave Astapor it must be with an army, Ser Jorah says.”

“Ser Jorah was a slaver himself, Your Grace,” the old man reminded her. (ASOS Daenerys II)

Which, conveniently, the show chooses to ignore entirely.

I spent a lot of time talking about show!Jorah's second and third arguments, their context and their framing because they undermine the original takeaway of Dany's storyline. I'm going to talk about show!Jorah's fourth argument later.

Now, let's move on to show!Barristan's arguments.

1) BARRISTAN: Leave this place, Your Grace. Leave tonight, I beg you.

~

2) BARRISTAN: We can find sellswords in Pentos and Myr.

All of these arguments are expressed in the books, but the context is, once again, different:

“Bricks and blood built Astapor,” Whitebeard murmured at her side, “and bricks and blood her people.”

“What is that?” Dany asked him, curious.

“An old rhyme a maester taught me, when I was a boy. I never knew how true it was. The bricks of Astapor are red with the blood of the slaves who make them.”

“I can well believe that,” said Dany.

“Then leave this place before your heart turns to brick as well. Sail this very night, on the evening tide.”

Would that I could, thought Dany. “When I leave Astapor it must be with an army, Ser Jorah says.”

“Ser Jorah was a slaver himself, Your Grace,” the old man reminded her. “There are sellswords in Pentos and Myr and Tyrosh you can hire. A man who kills for coin has no honor, but at least they are no slaves. Find your army there, I beg you.”

“My brother visited Pentos, Myr, Braavos, near all the Free Cities. The magisters and archons fed him wine and promises, but his soul was starved to death. A man cannot sup from the beggar’s bowl all his life and stay a man. I had my taste in Qarth, that was enough. I will not come to Pentos bowl in hand.”

“Better to come a beggar than a slaver,” Arstan said.

“There speaks one who has been neither.” Dany’s nostrils flared. “Do you know what it is like to be sold, squire? I do. My brother sold me to Khal Drogo for the promise of a golden crown. Well, Drogo crowned him in gold, though not as he had wished, and
I ... my sun-and-stars made a queen of me, but if he had been a different man, it might have been much otherwise. Do you think I have forgotten how it felt to be afraid?” (ASOS Daenerys II)

In the books, we are privy to Dany's perspective all the time. This scene (as I said both in this post and here) displays how her empathy for the slaves is informed not just by her moral principles or cultural values, but also by her own experiences as someone who struggled with poverty and was a slave herself. 

In the series, show!Dany's voice is almost entirely erased and show!Barristan's is undermined to enhance show!Jorah's (as I showed above). Also, even if some of Barristan's points are also added in the show, we don't see him realizing how the rhyme he learned was accurate in more ways than he expected, we don't see him reminding Dany that Jorah was also a slaver and we don't feel his outrage at seeing the Unsullied's training (because, in the show, they had show!Jorah accompany show!Dany rather than him):

“You have lived long in the world, Whitebeard. Now that you have seen them, what do you say?”

“I say no, Your Grace,” the old man answered at once.


“Why?” she asked. “Speak freely.” Dany thought she knew what he would say, but she wanted the slave girl to hear, so Kraznys mo Nakloz might hear later.

“My queen,” said Arstan, “there have been no slaves in the Seven Kingdoms for thousands of years. The old gods and the new alike hold slavery to be an abomination. Evil. If you should land in Westeros at the head of a slave army, many good men will oppose you for no other reason than that. You will do great harm to your cause, and to the honor of your House.”

“Yet I must have some army,” Dany said. “The boy Joffrey will not give me the Iron Throne for asking politely.”

“When the day comes that you raise your banners, half of Westeros will be with you,” Whitebeard promised. “Your brother Rhaegar is still remembered, with great love.”

“And my father?” Dany said.

The old man hesitated before saying, “King Aerys is also remembered. He gave the realm many years of peace. Your Grace, you have no need of slaves. Magister Illyrio can keep you safe while your dragons grow, and send secret envoys across the narrow sea on your behalf, to sound out the high lords for your cause.”

“Those same high lords who abandoned my father to the Kingslayer and bent the knee to Robert the Usurper?”

“Even those who bent their knees may yearn in their hearts for the return of the dragons.”

“May,” said Dany. That was such a slippery word, may. (ASOS Daenerys II)

This scene accomplishes a couple of things - not only it reinforces to the audience that what we are seeing is wrong, it also sets up Dany's conflicting feelings about her father and establishes, again, that Dany's decision to go to Astapor is shaped by her past experiences (namely, as I already said, that she's already struggled too much to not have a healthy dose of skepticism with regard to how much help other people are willing to give her). Basically, the scene emphasizes the anti-slavery messages of Dany's storyline and services Dany's characterization. 

The show's scene accomplishes none of that.

Show!Barristan's third argument is the most explicit example of the show writers being uninterested in Dany's perspective:

3) BARRISTAN: When your brother Rhaegar led his army into battle at the Trident, men died for him because they believed in him, because they loved him, not because they'd been bought at a slaver's auction. I fought beside the last dragon on that day, Your Grace. I bled beside him.

Let's look at the context of this line in the books:

“Viserys would have bought as many Unsullied as he had the coin for. But you once said I was like Rhaegar ...”

“I remember, Daenerys.”

“Your Grace,” she corrected. “Prince Rhaegar led free men into battle, not slaves. Whitebeard said he dubbed his squires himself, and made many other knights as well.”

“There was no higher honor than to receive your knighthood from the Prince of Dragonstone.”

“Tell me, then—when he touched a man on the shoulder with his sword, what did he say? ‘Go forth and kill the weak’? Or ‘Go forth and defend them’? At the Trident, those brave men Viserys spoke of who died beneath our dragon banners—did they give their lives because they believed in Rhaegar’s cause, or because they had been bought and paid for?” Dany turned to Mormont, crossed her arms, and waited for an answer.

“My queen,” the big man said slowly, “all you say is true. But Rhaegar lost on the Trident. He lost the battle, he lost the war, he lost the kingdom, and he lost his life. His blood swirled downriver with the rubies from his breastplate, and Robert the Usurper rode over his corpse to steal the Iron Throne. Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, Rhaegar fought honorably. And Rhaegar died.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

In the books, this line is not about Rhaegar at all! This is about Dany projecting her own values and ideals on Rhaegar because she wants to find a way out of the slave trade and thinking about what her biggest inspiration might have done (though she later admits she doesn't really know what he would do) would help her be more sure about what to do. This line is all about Dany!!!! By transferring her line to Barristan, not only the show writers are prioritizing a man's voice over hers, they are also making it about another man when it should be about her. 

And now we get to show!Jorah's fourth argument (which is a response to show!Barristan's third argument), which I said I would comment later:

4) JORAH: Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.

To quote myself on the significance of his advice,

Jorah didn’t really know who Rhaegar was, so I don’t think this sentence is necessarily reliable. The spirit of his advice is simple, however: Jorah is trying to normalize the training of the Unsullied and the existence of slavery in general as necessary evils if Dany is to win the game of thrones.

On the other hand, these words were also useful in another sense: sometimes you can’t play by the rules if you intend to succeed, especially not if these rules and conventions and institutions treat other people as interchangeable objects to be sold and invalidate your sense of morality. Barristan’s advice was also helpful, not in the sense that she should leave the city, but rather that she should not be a part of the slave trade. And so, like with Viserys and Drogo, she will find a solution that was informed by both of these men’s advice while also being her own: by refusing to view the slaves as objects to be traded, Dany considered the deal illegitimate and sparked an abolitionist campaign that would influence an entire continent. In other words, Dany did not play by the rules (like Jorah advised), but not by compromising her moral principles, but because of her moral principles (like Barristan advised).

However, because show!Dany's voice and motivations are so blatantly disregarded, the show can't develop her character in the same way.

Speaking of show!Dany, here's the one thing she has to say in the discussion of whether or not to buy the Unsullied:

1) DAENERYS: The blood of my enemies, not the blood of innocents.

This doesn't really say anything new about her line of thought that we didn't already know from episode 3.1, in which she agonized over the thousands of babies that would be (and would continue to be) killed if she became complicit in the slave trade. Show!Jorah, on the other hand, gets brand new arguments here.

By comparison, here are the arguments that Dany gets to make in the books (that are either erased or given to someone else). I'm not counting her reactions while she witnesses the Unsullied's training:

 “Even those who bent their knees may yearn in their hearts for the return of the dragons.”

“May,” said Dany. That was such a slippery word, may. In any language. (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

Would that I could, thought Dany. “When I leave Astapor it must be with an army, Ser Jorah says.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

“My brother visited Pentos, Myr, Braavos, near all the Free Cities. The magisters and archons fed him wine and promises, but his soul was starved to death. A man cannot sup from the beggar’s bowl all his life and stay a man. I had my taste in Qarth, that was enough. I will not come to Pentos bowl in hand.”

“Better to come a beggar than a slaver,” Arstan said.

“There speaks one who has been neither.” Dany’s nostrils flared. “Do you know what it is like to be sold, squire? I do. My brother sold me to Khal Drogo for the promise of a golden crown. Well, Drogo crowned him in gold, though not as he had wished, and
I ... my sun-and-stars made a queen of me, but if he had been a different man, it might have been much otherwise. Do you think I have forgotten how it felt to be afraid?” (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

“How many men do they have for sale?”

“None.” Was it Mormont she was angry with, or this city with its sullen heat, its stinks and sweats and crumbling bricks? “They sell eunuchs, not men. Eunuchs made of brick, like the rest of Astapor. Shall I buy eight thousand brick eunuchs with dead eyes that never move, who kill suckling babes for the sake of a spiked hat and strangle their own dogs? They don’t even have names. So don’t call them men, ser.”

“Khaleesi,” he said, taken aback by her fury, “the Unsullied are chosen as boys, and trained—”

“I have heard all I care to of their training.” Dany could feel tears welling in her eyes, sudden and unwanted. Her hand flashed up and cracked Ser Jorah hard across the face. It was either that, or cry.

Mormont touched the cheek she’d slapped. “If I have displeased my queen—”

“You have. You’ve displeased me greatly, ser. If you were my true knight, you would never have brought me to this vile sty.” If you were my true knight, you would never have kissed me, or looked at my breasts the way you did, or ...

“As Your Grace commands. I shall tell Captain Groleo to make ready to sail on the evening tide, for some sty less vile.”

“No,” said Dany. Groleo watched them from the forecastle, and his crew was watching too. Whitebeard, her bloodriders, Jhiqui, every one had stopped what they were doing at the sound of the slap. “I want to sail now, not on the tide, I want to sail far and fast and never look back. But I can’t, can I? There are eight thousand brick eunuchs for sale, and I must find some way to buy them.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

“Tell me, then—when he touched a man on the shoulder with his sword, what did he say? ‘Go forth and kill the weak’? Or ‘Go forth and defend them’? At the Trident, those brave men Viserys spoke of who died beneath our dragon banners—did they give their lives because they believed in Rhaegar’s cause, or because they had been bought and paid for?” (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

“The blood of my enemies I will shed gladly. The blood of innocents is another matter. Eight thousand Unsullied they would offer me. Eight thousand dead babes. Eight thousand strangled dogs.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

Everything that show!Dany has to say on the matter is concentrated on the last passage quoted, and its points are scattered across 3.1 and 3.3.

If the show writers cared about Dany's characterization, we would see how she presents different arguments to Barristan (that she needs an army because she has been poor before) and Jorah (that buying the Unsullied is immoral) at the same time and that both counsellors influence her decision to rebel against the masters in their own ways, as I explained in the quote above.

If the show writers cared about Dany's characterization, we would get hints that she feels that it is her moral duty to stay and help the Unsullied ("Would that I could", "There are eight thousand brick eunuchs for sale, and I must find some way to buy them", etc).

If the show writers cared about Dany's characterization, we would leave this scene with the impression that she already knows what she will do by the time she decides to trade one dragon for all of the Unsullied and the untrained boys. Instead, while we know that show!Dany wants to spare innocents and only kill her enemies and their soldiers, there isn’t enough evidence hinting at her eventual rebellion against the masters. In fact, she is still asking show!Barristan what he thinks, making it seem that she is still unsure of her plan or that she is more reliant on their viewpoints than she is in the books. That's the problem of interspersing lines and plot points between episodes: this discussion could have served for episode 3.1 (in which, if they were faithful to the books, show!Dany would have still been concocting her plan), but it doesn't for episode 3.3, in which they have it happen minutes before she makes her fateful decision.

So, in this exchange, we get very, very little about what show!Dany thinks. Show!Jorah is the one in favor of buying the Unsullied, show!Barristan is the one against it. One could argue, like @rainhadaenerys​ said to me, that show!Jorah is portrayed as the devil and show!Barristan as the angel on show!Dany's shoulders, similar to how show!Davos is the angel and show!Melisandre the devil on show!Stannis's. The show's influence may explain why some people think that Barristan is the one who motivated Dany to begin her anti-slavery rebellion. The books certainly don't allow that interpretation because Dany's voice remains front and center in the discussions, but the show is dead set on erasing it.

We end the exchange with this:

BARRISTAN: When your brother Rhaegar led his army into battle at the Trident, men died for him because they believed in him, because they loved him, not because they'd been bought at a slaver's auction. I fought beside the last dragon on that day, Your Grace. I bled beside him.

JORAH: Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.

DAENERYS: Did you know him well, Ser Barristan?

BARRISTAN: I did, Your Grace. Finest man I ever met.

DAENERYS: I wish I had known him. But he was not the last dragon.

It's not true in the books that Barristan knew Rhaegar well:

“Did you know my brother Rhaegar as well?”


“It was said that no man ever knew Prince Rhaegar, truly. I had the privilege of seeing him in tourney, though, and often heard him play his harp with its silver strings.” (ASOS Daenerys I)

I've already talked about how the show writers gave Dany's lines to show!Barristan, so I won't belabor the point. What I will say is that Benioff's emphasis on show!Dany's awareness that she is the last dragon is very questionable in its intent/framing. In and of itself, that original line is okay - women are often looked down upon if they express confidence both in Westeros and in our world, so it can be refreshing to see show!Dany claiming that Rhaegar was not the last dragon because she knows that she is. It can be refreshing to see a woman whose pride is depicted as a positive trait rather than one that propels her downfall. I'm sure that's the takeaway that what many viewers got from that scene and from show!Dany's trajectory in general in season three.

However, let's see what Benioff says about her in interviews:

Benioff: Dany is so defined by her dragons, they're so much a part at this point, they define her so much that when they're taken from her, it's almost like she reverts to the pre-dragon Daenerys, you know, everyone is a bit defined by who they were when they were an adolescent, you know, no matter how old you get, no matter how powerful you get, and Daenerys was a scared, timid, abused adolescent and I think when her dragons are taken for her, all those feelings, all those memories and emotions are triggered and come back and all the confidence that she's won over the last several months, it's as if that just evaporates and she's back to being a really frightened little girl. (D&D's Inside the Episode 2.6)

~

Benioff: Dany has her lovable side, but she is also ruthless, and she is also fiercely ambitious and, funnily, like a Littlefinger style ambition where she's trying to climb this, you know, the social ladder. It's almost like a Joan of Arc kind of ambition where she feels like she has this almost divine mission and nothing's going to prevent her from achieving it, and that might mean sacrificing those who are closest to her. (D&D's Inside the Episode 3.3)

~

Benioff: I think she becomes harder to dismiss, you know, for a long time people have been saying, even if she was alive, you know, really, the only threat she poses is her name, she's a Targaryen, great, but she's a little girl in the edge of the world, so she's starting to knock on people's doors a little bit. (D&D's Inside the Episode 3.4)

Right from the beginning, we can see that Benioff didn't really see show!Dany's pride and confidence and ambition positively. Not only does he think those aspects are dependent upon her dragons and her family name, he also thinks she has a "Littlefinger style ambition" and an "almost divine mission" that she will embark while thinking that "nothing's going to prevent her from achieving it". All of these statements mischaracterize Daenerys Targaryen, so I end up looking askance at the end of the scene for knowing that he's the one who wrote and directed it.

(Also, now that we know in hindsight that the show writers are not just going to strip show!Dany of many characteristics of her book counterpart, but also villainize her and kill her for the very confidence she is displaying here ... I can’t give them any credit.)

Dany does assert her identity and titles in a chapter that they are adapting in this episode, but the context (as usual) is entirely different:

Dany knew she would take more than a hundred, if she took any at all. “Remind your Good Master of who I am. Remind him that I am Daenerys Stormborn, Mother of Dragons, the Unburnt, trueborn queen of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros. My blood is the blood of Aegon the Conqueror, and of old Valyria before him.”

Yet her words did not move the plump perfumed slaver, even when rendered in his own ugly tongue. “Old Ghis ruled an empire when the Valyrians were still fucking sheep,” he growled at the poor little scribe, “and we are the sons of the harpy.” He gave a shrug. “My tongue is wasted wagging at women. East or west, it makes no matter, they cannot decide until they have been pampered and flattered and stuffed with sweetmeats. Well, if this is my fate, so be it. Tell the whore that if she requires a guide to our sweet city, Kraznys mo Nakloz will gladly serve her ... and service her as well, if she is more woman than she looks.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

First, in this quote, we get a hint that Dany is intent on either freeing the slaves or not being complicit in their oppression ("she would take more than a hundred, if she took any at all").

Second, we see that Dany reminds Kraznys of her identity after she spent a very long time being belittled and mocked and ridiculed due to his fervent misogyny and xenophobia. Unlike show!Dany, she is bringing up her titles because she was being disrespected, not because she wants to bring them up for their own sake. In other words, the book's scene doesn't intend to frame Dany as arrogant, though it seems that the show's scene does.

*

I have thoughts about the show's change of Dany's dress, but I'll leave them to the section about her clothing.

So, to begin talking about the negotiation scene on a positive note, there are some aspects that the show remained faithful to the books to.

The first is that show!Dany is explicitly shown to be doing what she is doing because she wants to help the slaves:

It's funny to gif this scene as if show!Dany were rolling her eyes, but that's not what she is actually doing in the scene: she looks above, at the slaves, and then decides to risk one of her dragons for them. That much is unambiguously clear.

The second detail in common is this:

MISSANDEI: There are 8,000 Unsullied in Astapor. Is this what you mean by all?

DAENERYS: Yes. 8,000. And the ones still in training as well.

Show!Dany wants to free all of the slaves, so she asks for the eight thousand Unsullied and the untrained boys, just like Dany:

“Of thousands, there are eight. Is this what she means by all? There are also six centuries, who shall be part of a ninth thousand when complete. Would she have them too?”

“I would,” said Dany when the question was put to her. “The eight thousands, the six centuries ... and the ones still in training as well. The ones who have not earned the spikes.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

Unfortunately, this is all there is in terms of similarities. There are far more differences.

MISSANDEI: Master Greizhen says they cannot sell half-trained boys. If they fail on the battlefield, they will bring shame upon all of Astapor.

DAENERYS: I will have them all or take none. Many will fall in battle. I'll need the boys to pick up the swords they drop.

First of all, unlike in the show, there is a master willing to sell the untrained boys to Dany:

“We cannot sell half-trained boys,” one of the silver-fringe Grazdans was saying to the others.

“We can, if her gold is good,” said a fatter man whose fringe was gold.

“They are not Unsullied. They have not killed their sucklings. If they fail in the field, they will shame us. And even if we cut five thousand raw boys tomorrow, it would be ten years before they are fit for sale. What would we tell the next buyer who comes seeking Unsullied?”

“We will tell him that he must wait,” said the fat man. “Gold in my purse is better than gold in my future.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

Second, while Dany makes the argument that show!Dany is seen making:

“In a year I shall be in Westeros,” said Dany when she had heard the translation. “My need is now. The Unsullied are well trained, but even so, many will fall in battle. I shall need the boys as replacements to take up the swords they drop.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

They cut what Dany says right afterwards:

She put her wine aside and leaned toward the slave girl. “Tell the Good Masters that I will want even the little ones who still have their puppies. Tell them that I will pay as much for the boy they cut yesterday as for an Unsullied in a spiked helm.”

The girl told them. The answer was still no.


Dany frowned in annoyance. “Very well. Tell them I will pay double, so long as I get them all.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

Because the show writers chose to only have show!Dany say that she will “need the boys to pick up the swords they drop”, it makes it seem that her request to get them is more strategic than empathetic. It's not; as we can see above, if they had added the bolded parts above, it would have made it even clearer that she is doing what she is doing solely because of her altruism.

MISSANDEI: Master Kraznys says you cannot afford this.

KRAZNYS: Her ship will buy her 100 Unsullied, no more.

MISSANDEI: Your ship will buy you 100 Unsullied.

KRAZNYS: And this because I like the curve of her ass.

MISSANDEI: Because Master Kraznys is generous.

KRAZNYS: What is left will buy her 10.

MISSANDEI: The gold you have left is worth 10.

KRAZNYS: I will give her if it stops her ignorant whimpering.

MISSANDEI: But good Master Kraznys will give you 20.

KRAZNYS: Her Dothraki smell of shit ...

MISSANDEI: The Dothraki you have with you…

KRAZNYS: ... but may be useful as pig feed.

MISSANDEI: The Dothraki you have are not worth what they cost to feed, but Master Kraznys will give you three Unsullied for all of them.

KRAZNYS: So, ask this beggar queen, how will she pay for the remaining 7,877?

The show also decreases the value of Dany's goods a lot.

In the books, Dany is willing to sell Illyrio's three ships (rather than one):

“...But my ships you can have. The great cog Balerion and the galleys Vhagar and Meraxes.” She had warned Groleo and the other captains it might come to this, though they had protested the necessity of it furiously. “Three good ships should be worth more than a few paltry eunuchs.”

The fat Grazdan turned to the others. They conferred in low voices once again. “Two of the thousands,” the one with the spiked beard said when he turned back. “It is too much, but the Good Masters are being generous and your need is being great.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

Have in mind that 2,000 is their worth after Dany chose to pay double for the Unsullied and the untrained boys. Normally, they would be worth 4,000. But let's be generous and use 2,000 ... This means that each ship is worth around 666 Unsullied. 

And yet, in the show, her ship is worth 100 Unsullied.

In the books, this is how much Dany's gold and trading goods inside the ship are worth:

“Your men have gone through my ships and tallied every bead of amber and jar of saffron. How much do I have?”

“Sufficient to be buying one of thousands,” the Good Master said, with a contemptuous smile. “Yet you are paying double, you are saying. Five centuries, then, is all you buy.”

In the show, however, show!Dany's gold is only worth 10 Unsullied.

As for the Dothraki, before the slavers make an offer, Dany makes it clear that she will not sell them (or any of the people in her retinue, or any of their possessions):

“My crown is not for sale.” When Viserys sold their mother’s crown, the last joy had gone from him, leaving only rage. “Nor will I enslave my people, nor sell their goods and horses.[”]

Do I think leaving this part out means that show!Dany would be willing to enslave the Dothraki? Absolutely not, it wouldn't make sense with her characterization (watered down as it is). However, would it have cost much for the show writers to have her make it clear that she won't enslave them? Doesn't seem so.

Why is the decrease in the value of Dany's possessions important to have in mind? Because, in the books, it matters that she had other choices rather than the one she ultimately makes:

Two thousand would never serve for what she meant to do. I must have them all. Dany knew what she must do now, though the taste of it was so bitter that even the persimmon wine could not cleanse it from her month. She had considered long and hard and found no other way. It is my only choice. “Give me all,” she said, “and you may have a dragon.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

Dany "found no other way"? If she just wanted an army, she had plenty of other ways:

If she just wanted an army, she could have offered all the trading goods in the ships and gotten the 1000 Unsullied that Jorah advised her to get (unlike show!Jorah, Jorah explicitly recommends a specific number of soldiers - "a thousand swords")

If she just wanted an army, she wouldn’t have offered to pay double for the untrained boys.

If she just wanted an army, she could have given the trading goods and the ships and left with 2000 Unsullied.

If she just wanted an army, she wouldn’t have thought that she must have them all" and that “[i]t was [her] only choice” to offer them a dragon.

By stripping show!Dany of these options, the show writers undercut the extent of her altruism, for they erase the fact and Dany had other alternatives and still chose the moral one. In the books, it was never necessary for her to risk her dragon, but she did it anyway; in the show, 123 Unsullied was not enough to form an army, so one could, on a superficial read, argue that she's only doing what she's doing out of convenience.

Then, we get to the part in which show!Dany actually offers a dragon to the masters:

MISSANDEI: Master Kraznys asks how you propose to pay for the remaining 7,877 Unsullied.

DAENERYS: I have dragons. I'll give you one.

BARRISTAN: You will win the throne with dragons, not slaves, Your Grace.

JORAH: Khaleesi, please.

KRAZNYS: Three dragons.

DAENERYS: One.

KRAZNYS: Two.

DAENERYS: One.

MISSANDEI: They want the biggest one.

DAENERYS: Done.

KRAZNYS: Done.

Before I talk about how her advisors react, let's talk about how show!Dany's sacrifice is being undermined again: in the show, instead of being shocked that show!Dany is willing to sell even one dragon, Kraznys thinks he is entitled to ask for more of them. Let's see the masters' reactions in the books:

“Give me all,” she said, “and you may have a dragon.”

There was the sound of indrawn breath from Jhiqui beside her. Kraznys smiled at his fellows. “Did I not tell you? Anything, she would give us.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

~

“Tell them I await their answer.”

She knew the answer, though; she could see it in the glitter of their eyes and the smiles they tried so hard to hide. Astapor had thousands of eunuchs, and even more slave boys waiting to be cut, but there were only three living dragons in all the great wide world. And the Ghiscari lust for dragons. How could they not? Five times had Old Ghis contended with Valyria when the world was young, and five times gone down to bleak defeat. For the Freehold had dragons, and the Empire had none.

The oldest Grazdan stirred in his seat, and his pearls clacked together softly. “A dragon of our choice,” he said in a thin, hard voice. “The black one is largest and healthiest.”

“His name is Drogon.” She nodded.

“All your goods, save your crown and your queenly raiment, which we will allow you to keep. The three ships. And Drogon.”

“Done,” she said, in the Common Tongue.


“Done,” the old Grazdan answered in his thick Valyrian.

The others echoed that old man of the pearl fringe. “Done,” the slave girl translated, “and done, and done, eight times done.”

As we can see, the masters are shocked that Dany would think that it's reasonable to offer even a single dragon. They can't hide how eager they are to control one (especially considering their past history with Old Valyria, which is another observation showcasing Dany's intelligence that the show erased). Their only request is to choose the biggest one, not to take one or two more. What's more, having show!Dany assert that she will only give one dragon makes it seem that her selflessness only goes so far, which is not at all what the purpose of the original scene was.

Now, on to what show!Dany’s advisors think of her trading one dragon for the Unsullied ...

DAENERYS: I have dragons. I'll give you one.

BARRISTAN: You will win the throne with dragons, not slaves, Your Grace.

JORAH: Khaleesi, please.

~

JORAH: Khaleesi, a dragon is worth more than any army.

BARRISTAN: Aegon Targaryen proved that.

DAENERYS: You're both here to advise me. I value your advice, but if you ever question me in front of strangers again, you'll be advising someone else. Is that understood?

In the books, Jorah never questions Dany's decision like show!Jorah is seen doing in the scene. In fact, he is the one who takes Barristan away from the negotiation scene (likely because he wants to get back into Dany’s good grace after he forced a kiss on her and she avoided him and later (rightfully) slapped him in the face):

“Give me all,” she said, “and you may have a dragon.”

[...] Whitebeard stared in shocked disbelief. His hand trembled where it grasped the staff. “No.” He went to one knee before her. “Your Grace, I beg you, win your throne with dragons, not slaves. You must not do this thing—”

“You must not presume to instruct me. Ser Jorah, remove Whitebeard from my presence.”

Mormont seized the old man roughly by an elbow, yanked him back to his feet, and marched him out onto the terrace. (ASOS Daenerys III)

Also, as I said here, I’m pretty sure Dany shared her plan to revolt against the masters with Jorah and her bloodriders.

Another reason why it bothers me to see show!Jorah reacting so negatively to the exchange show!Dany just made is that ... What else could she have done to get the Unsullied? Obviously, 123 of them wouldn’t be enough to get an army. In the books, before they sail to Astapor, Dany questions how she is going to buy the Unsullied and Jorah shows what she can do to buy them:

“That is what you will find in Astapor, Your Grace. Put ashore there, and continue on to Pentos overland. It will take longer, yes ... but when you break bread with Magister Illyrio, you will have a thousand swords behind you, not just four.”

There is wisdom in this, yes, Dany thought, but ... “How am I to buy a thousand slave soldiers? All I have of value is the crown the Tourmaline Brotherhood gave me.”

“Dragons will be as great a wonder in Astapor as they were in Qarth. It may be that the slavers will shower you with gifts, as the Qartheen did. If not ... these ships carry more than your Dothraki and their horses. They took on trade goods at Qarth, I’ve been through the holds and seen for myself. Bolts of silk and bales of tiger skin, amber and jade carvings, saffron, myrrh ... slaves are cheap, Your Grace. Tiger skins are costly.” (ASOS Daenerys I)

As we can see, Jorah is able to roughly estimate that Illyrio's trade goods will guarantee one thousand soldiers for Dany because "slaves are cheap". In the show, he either made a wrong calculation or neither him nor show!Dany thought of making one in the first place, which dumbs both of them down.

Now, I have a guess as to why show!Jorah is made to disagree with show!Dany's decision - that's, again, because Benioff empathizes with him over Dany. I've already showed above and in episode 3.1 how show!Jorah's viewpoint is consistently prioritized over show!Dany's or show!Barristan's and how he even receives new arguments that make him seem "realist". We should also have Benioff's statements in this interview in mind:

“It’s a hallmark of a number of scenes in [A Storm of Swords] where, in retrospect, I should have seen it coming because George laid out all the pieces, he had given you all the clues,” Benioff said. “The best kind of surprises aren’t the ones that come out of nowhere. The best ones are where after you see it you’re asking yourself, ‘Why didn’t I see that was coming?’ I remember reading [Dany planning to give up Drogon to the slaver] and thinking, ‘Oh, this is kind of disappointing.’ When the real plan was revealed I think I even called [Weiss]. This was before we had met with George, when we were still trying to figure out if this show was possible. The culmination of that scene was one of those moments when we were like, ‘We got to make this f–king show.’ It was very gratifying seeing that wish fulfilled … I think it will be one of the most staggering things ever put on television.” (x)

To be fair to him, at least he acknowledges that GRRM left many clues that that was going to happen (though he didn't add them in the show). But my point is that he was disappointed at Dany when he thought she was giving Drogon up. Since show!Jorah's perspective has been prioritized over the other characters' to the point of the audience being made to empathize and experience the events with him rather than with Dany, it only makes sense that he has the same feelings that Benioff did when he first read the book.

Another thing I want to mention is how Benioff is motivated by the spectacle rather than how the culmination is tied to Dany's characterization. This is partly why, I suspect, so many of Dany's words and thoughts were erased - he prioritized the viewer's shock rather than allowing the viewer to see where she is coming from. (That's similar to the buildup - or lack thereof - to Littlefinger's trial in season seven, when we ended up seeing the events from his perspective rather than the Starks' because they would rather shock us than make us empathize with the actual leads)

As for show!Barristan, some of his book counterpart's arguments are kept in the show - namely, that Dany should win the throne with dragons rather than slaves and that Aegon proved that a dragon is worth more than an army in the Field of Fire. Even so, Barristan's moral outrage has been erased, as I already showed with the book evidence quoted above (here are some examples). 

And then there’s show!Dany’s reaction to their dissent:

DAENERYS: You're both here to advise me. I value your advice, but if you ever question me in front of strangers again, you'll be advising someone else. Is that understood?

Look, I have no problem with this scene in and of itself. Show!Dany makes it clear that she’s willing to listen to them, but that her authority can’t be undermined in front of other people (even more so when these people are already prone to underestimate her).

However, some crucial details are missing in this scene compared to the books:

Arstan Whitebeard held his tongue as well, when Dany swept by him on the terrace. He followed her down the steps in silence, but she could hear his hardwood staff tap tapping on the red bricks as they went. She did not blame him for his fury. It was a wretched thing she did. The Mother of Dragons has sold her strongest child. Even the thought made her ill.

Yet down in the Plaza of Pride, standing on the hot red bricks between the slavers’ pyramid and the barracks of the eunuchs, Dany turned on the old man. “Whitebeard,” she said, “I want your counsel, and you should never fear to speak your mind with
me ... when we are alone. But never question me in front of strangers. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Your Grace,” he said unhappily.


“I am not a child,” she told him. “I am a queen.”

“Yet even queens can err. The Astapori have cheated you, Your Grace. A dragon is worth more than any army. Aegon proved that three hundred years ago, upon the Field of Fire.”

“I know what Aegon proved. I mean to prove a few things of my own.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

Unlike in the show, Dany is shown empathizing with Barristan ("She did not blame him for his fury. It was a wretched thing she did."). She doesn’t want to be complicit in the slave trade, and she certainly doesn’t want to sell one of her children, but it’s still the moral duty of a queen as she sees it.

Unlike in the show, Dany is the one who takes the initiative to make it clear to Barristan that she wants his honest advice, just not in public. Unlike in the show, she never threatens to send him away.

They also cut the part in which Dany says that she knows what Aegon proved and that she means to prove a few things of her own, another hint that she will forsake the deal because it should have never been acknowledged as one to begin with.

Before I talk about show!Dany's first one-on-one interaction with show!Missandei, I have to comment on this part:

DAENERYS: I'll take you as well, now. You'll be Master Kraznys' gift to me. A token of a bargain well struck.

MISSANDEI: She asks that you give me to her, as a present. She asks that you do this now.

In the books, Kraznys voluntarily gives Missandei to Dany:

“The Unsullied will learn your savage tongue quick enough,” added Kraznys mo Nakloz, when all the arrangements had been made, “but until such time you will need a slave to speak to them. Take this one as our gift to you, a token of a bargain well struck.”

“I shall,” said Dany.

The slave girl rendered his words to her, and hers to him. If she had feelings about being given for a token, she took care not to let them show. (ASOS Daenerys III)

Now, does this change mean that show!Dany sees show!Missandei as an object to be sold? No. For one, as Emilia Clarke says:

Clarke: Dany sees a lot of herself in her and can kind of see that it's a young girl who's capable of much more than the position she's in. 

If show!Dany is able to empathize with show!Missandei on that level, it's much more likely that show!Dany asked to have show!Missandei so that she could free her from Kraznys (who is unabashedly cruel and misogynist). That being said, it is still an unnecessary deviation that can lead to pointless misunderstanding from the viewers.

While show!Dany and show!Missandei discuss some of the same issues that Dany and Missandei do in the books, their first one-on-one meeting is very condensed and altered in several key ways.

DAENERYS: Do you have a name?

MISSANDEI: This one's name is Missandei, Your Grace.

DAENERYS: Do you have a family? A mother and a father you'd return to if you had the choice?

MISSANDEI: No, Your Grace. No family living.

DAENERYS: You belong to me now. It is your duty to tell me the truth.

MISSANDEI: Yes, Your Grace. Lying is a great offense. Many of those on the Walk of Punishment were taken there for less.

Show!Dany begins asking if show!Missandei had a family that she would like to return to, which implies that show!Dany would let her go if show!Missandei had one (again, this is another moment challenging the idea that show!Dany only saw show!Missandei as an object). Show!Missandei replies that she doesn’t, however. This leads show!Dany to remind her that she needs to tell her the truth, which doesn’t make sense. Why would show!Missandei lie about it? Especially since, in the books, Dany doesn’t outright say that “it is your duty to tell me the truth”, merely that “you serve me now” when she wants to confirm with Missandei information that she got from Kraznys about the Unsullied:

“Are these Unsullied truly fearless?”

“Yes, Your Grace.”

“You serve me now. Is it true they feel no pain?”

“The wine of courage kills such feelings. By the time they slay their sucklings, they have been drinking it for years.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

Dany is not reminding Missandei of the need to tell her the truth because she is mistrusting Missandei right off the bat like show!Dany seems to be doing with show!Missandei, she is asking that question because confirming these details will be crucial if she means to turn the Unsullied to her side when she risks both her life and those of her retinue to free them. But the show beats on that dead horse and even has Missandei answer that she wouldn’t lie because to do so would lead her to the Walk of Punishment. It decontextualizes why Dany reminded Missandei of the need to tell her the truth in the books.

Missandei is treated differently by Dany in the two mediums in other ways. In the book, Dany is shown onpage freeing her right away and names her one of her handmaids in case she decides to stay with her:

“Missandei is no longer a slave. I free you, from this instant. Come ride with me in the litter, I wish to talk.” Rakharo helped them in, and Dany drew the curtains shut against the dust and heat. “If you stay with me you will serve as one of my handmaids,” she said as they set off. “I shall keep you by my side to speak for me as you spoke for Kraznys. But you may leave my service whenever you choose, if you have father or mother you would sooner return to.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

In the show, they have show!Dany say that show!Missandei can’t lie because “you belong to me now”, which makes it seem like a master talking to a slave. However, we know that show!Dany frees show!Missandei at some point as well (the latter says so in season seven), the show writers just didn't bother to show it onscreen because, as this meta is hopefully showing, they don't care about Dany's characterization. In any case, show!Dany doing anything but that wouldn’t make sense neither with how she reacts to the Unsullied’s plight nor with Emilia Clarke’s interview. If they had followed the book’s exchange more closely rather than invented new dialogue, there wouldn't have been any confusions.

They have show!Dany confirm with show!Missandei the information she got from Kraznys about the Unsullied:

DAENERYS: Is it true what Master Kraznys told me about the Unsullied? About their obedience?

MISSANDEI: All questions have been taken from them. They obey, that is all. Once they are yours, they are yours. They will fall on their swords if you command it.

However, they forgot to include the most relevant part of exchange, plot-wise: Dany asking Missandei if the Unsullied could be used against her if Dany were to resell them.

“If I did resell them, how would I know they could not be used against me?” Dany asked pointedly. “Would they do that? Fight against me, even do me harm?”

“If their master commanded. They do not question, Your Grace. All the questions have been culled from them. They obey.” She looked troubled. “When you are ... when you are done with them ... your Grace might command them to fall upon their swords.”

“And even that, they would do?”


“Yes.” Missandei’s voice had grown soft. “Your Grace.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

Dany is making this hypothetical question because she wants to know if there’s any way that the Unsullied can be turned against their previous owner, which is what she intends to do in order to rebel against the masters and free the soldiers.

Then show!Dany reminds show!Missandei that, by following her, she might be vulnerable to many possible misfortunes:

DAENERYS: And what about you? You know that I'm taking you to war. You may go hungry. You may fall sick. You may be killed.

This does happen in the books, but the context is different.

“Missandei is no longer a slave. I free you, from this instant. Come ride with me in the litter, I wish to talk.” Rakharo helped them in, and Dany drew the curtains shut against the dust and heat. “If you stay with me you will serve as one of my handmaids,” she said as they set off. “I shall keep you by my side to speak for me as you spoke for Kraznys. But you may leave my service whenever you choose, if you have father or mother you would sooner return to.”

“This one will stay,” the girl said. “This one ... I ... there is no place for me to go. This ... I will serve you, gladly.”

“I can give you freedom, but not safety,” Dany warned. “I have a world to cross and wars to fight. You may go hungry. You may grow sick. You may be killed.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

In the books, as I said, Dany frees Missandei right away, says she might leave her service when she wants to and then warns her of the harsh conditions she will face if she remains with Dany.

In the series, show!Dany reminds show!Missandei of the obstacles she will have to face if she remains with her primarily because she wants to know if show!Missandei is as obedient as the Unsullied, not because she is primarily concerned about show!Missandei’s safety and free will. Again, I don’t mean to be critical of show!Dany here - I do think she had show!Missandei’s best intentions in mind (and that she freed her afterwards offscreen). I’m only saying that the writers could have conveyed that in a more unequivocal way ... like how the books did, y'know.

Like in the books, show!Missandei also says valar morghulis when show!Dany warns her of the dangers of staying with her, but her answer is different from Dany's:

DAENERYS: Yes, all men must die. But we are not men.

~

“All men must die,” Dany agreed, “but not for a long while, we may pray.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

I don't think this is the worst line ever made for show!Dany, but I definitely prefer the book one and it's sad to revisit that quote now that we know that both show!Dany and show!Missandei will be dead by the end of the series.

Show!Missandei also seems to become fond of show!Dany way too quickly. That line “but we are not men” seems to have the intent to build a feeling of solidarity between these two women (and this is corroborated, again, by Emilia’s interview quoted above); indeed, in the next episode, show!Missandei will give Kraznys a smirk when show!Dany admits that she was fooling him all along. In the books, however, not only we never see Missandei’s reaction to Dany’s rebellion, but her feelings about being given away to Dany seem much more complicated - understandably so.

“I shall keep you by my side to speak for me as you spoke for Kraznys. But you may leave my service whenever you choose, if you have father or mother you would sooner return to.”

“This one will stay,” the girl said. “This one ... I ... there is no place for me to go. This ... I will serve you, gladly.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

~

She looked troubled. “When you are ... when you are done with them ... your Grace might command them to fall upon their swords.”

“And even that, they would do?”


“Yes.” Missandei’s voice had grown soft. “Your Grace.”

Dany squeezed her hand. “You would sooner I did not ask it of them, though. Why is that? Why do you care?”

“This one does not ... I ... Your Grace ... ”


“Tell me.”


The girl lowered her eyes. “Three of them were my brothers once, Your Grace.”

Then I hope your brothers are as brave and clever as you. (ASOS Daenerys III)

Even if Dany has noble intentions and frees her right away, where would she go? What would she do? How would she survive? Does she have a better option? These are questions that Dany will only directly confront in the next chapter, when plenty of Astapori freedmen will choose to follow her instead of staying in the city. In Missandei’s case, she seems more resigned than anything else in the books.

Also, even if Dany freed Missandei, it doesn't prevent the latter from looking "troubled" and seriously consider the possibility that Dany may order all the Unsullied to kill themselves. Her former master had no problem humiliating and torturing her, why would Dany be any different?

The show could have acknowledged these complications, but it didn’t - that’s why it sucks so much: it pretends to be telling a morally complex tale (see Benioff saying how hard it is for Dany to choose between violence/"realism" and idealism) while it actually undermines the anti-slavery viewpoints (especially Dany’s) and oversimplifies the (positive and negative) ramifications of Dany’s crusade. If it actually intended to be a morally complex tale like it pretends to be, we would see the Astapori refugees in the show. Instead, they would rather overfocus on how show!Dany is becoming “more violent” as her crusade continues (see this).

My comments on the Inside the Episode 3.3

Benioff: Dany has her lovable side, but she is also ruthless, and she is also fiercely ambitious and, funnily, like a Littlefinger style ambition where she's trying to climb this, you know, the social ladder. It's almost like a Joan of Arc kind of ambition where she feels like she has this almost divine mission and nothing's going to prevent her from achieving it, and that might mean sacrificing those who are closest to her.

Weiss: Giving away one of the dragons seems like a completely insane thing to do, especially the biggest one. I mean, we know that, historically, the biggest dragons were bigger than school buses and they were weapons of mass destruction and able to lay cities to waste in minutes, and no matter how big or effective your army of 8,000 soldiers is, taking even a small city is going to be a kind of a dangerous prospect for them, and the idea that she's going to give away what they see is her real future for a chance at a small army now seems insane to them.

Benioff: As @rainhadaenerys​ already said in her tags here, Benioff's comments make it seem like Dany's "lovable side" is secondary to her ruthlessness or her ambition or her "almost divine mission". Check out my list of passages showcasing Dany's moments of empathy and compassion VS in which ways the prophecies drive Dany's story (and also this meta) VS the moments in which Dany uses/considers using violence. The former obviously outweighs the latter two. I also recommend reading this meta debunking claims that Dany is "entitled" or "arrogant", for these false accusations are related to the mischaracterization of Dany as someone who is "fiercely ambitious" (that's because they are all tied to her heritage and her goal to take back the Seven Kingdoms). Finally, I don't know why the heck Benioff is saying that she might sacrifice "those who are closest to her". Time and again we see that she is not willing to sacrifice people for her personal goals - she won't sell anyone from her retinue or any of their belongings nor will she leave the slaves behind at the mercy of the masters. Her risking one dragon is an action that's supposed to highlight how far she is willing to go to "protect the ones who can't protect themselves". Why doesn't he ever bother to talk about her selflessness? Why is it always about her ambition or a "divine mission" that is nowhere to be found in Dany's consciousness in the books? 

Weiss: It's annoying that he's talking about show!Jorah as if he were against show!Dany's decision to trade a dragon for the Unsulllied (which he never was in the books), but I've already written about that extensively in this post. His description of the dragons as being "able to lay cities to waste in minutes" is questionable, as well as his description of 8,000 men as "a small army".

Show!Dany's clothes

This episode adapts events from ASOS Daenerys II (which has no description of her clothes) and ASOS Daenerys III, in which we see her wearing this dress for the negotiation scene:

She had chosen a Qartheen gown today. The deep violet silk brought out the purple of her eyes. The cut of it bared her left breast. While the Good Masters of Astapor conferred among themselves in low voices, Dany sipped tart persimmon wine from a tall silver flute. She could not quite make out all that they were saying, but she could hear the greed. (ASOS Daenerys III)

This scene exhibits Dany's political skills - by using a dress that calls attention to her body and arouses the masters, she disarms them and potentially makes them more amenable to her offers.

I also think it's significant that the dress is Qartheen, for their culture (as seen through Dany's eyes) is marked by flattery and adulation and politeness and dishonesty.

In the show, however, show!Dany is still using the blue dress:

Unlike in episode 3.1 (which adapted a scene in the docks in which she was using Dothraki clothing), now I can't say that the dress is spiritually faithful to the one from the books. It's another opportunity that they missed to highlight aspects of Dany's characterization that tend to be overlooked (in this case, her intelligence).

There is a 2012 interview in which Emilia Clarke addresses the matter of the Qartheen fashion:

FaB: Some fans were irked at the news that the Qartheen fashion of leaving one breast exposed was not being adhered to, as it was in the books. And speaking as a heterosexual male, I suppose that’s a shame… yet I also think, visually, it would have been extremely distracting to the eye. Was this ever discussed?

EC: This was indeed discussed! I remember when I was filming in Croatia seeing a copy of book 2, and the front cover picture was of Dany in the ‘traditional Qartheen fashion’ and you could say that I was rather taken aback. There are lots of things to bear in mind when adapting a book for the screen, and yes we all agreed that if this was kept as a visual reference, it would take away from the drama and integrity of Dany’s storyline as she grows into such a strong Khalessi.

Emilia's thoughts must be respected, especially considering what she's been through on set. Also, have in mind that I'm a gay man speaking about the issue of female nudity in media, so I don't have the full awareness to discuss it like women do because I'm not a victim of the male gaze. If I'm being callous, please let me know.

With this caveat in mind, I don't think having show!Dany wear a Qartheen dress in this scene would "take away from the drama and integrity of Dany's storyline". In fact, it would have been an example of nudity being used to display Dany's shrewdness rather than to sexualize her. It would have been an example of her nakedness being normalized rather than fetishized (like it will be in episode 3.7, when she stands up naked to show!Daario just ... because).

[erudite-rebel]

Title: Forced Offerings Summary: The recounts of Bartholomew Oobleck regarding an incident which took the lives of his parents when he was a child.  Characters: Bartholomew Oobleck, Qrow Branwen, OC’s Notes: I’m posting a bit of writing I did. A few people who follow will be familiar with my Magnus Archives AU, or at the very least have seen me spam about it and draw art for the (3) other people who I know that listen to the podcast. I’m actually very proud of this little bit of writing, though I understand not everyone would want to read it. I’m trying to get myself back into properly writing, and though this is fanfic I think getting it out there and maybe receiving feedback could help?

It’s a horror story. One I kind of want to adapt, honestly, to a Creepypasta to submit to NoSleep, but for now it can remain like this.

Warnings for body horror, gore, and guts.

“There has to be some sort of rational explanation for-”

“For someone wearing someone else’s skin like a meat suit?” Qrow’s words were calm. Somehow he was always calm. Even after all of this. 

Barty leaned against the chair, hands gripping the back of it until it was twisted and pressed against the table. He had dark bags under his eyes and was unsure of the last time he’d had a proper sleep. Every piece of him felt tired, from toes to fingertips, and he knew if he laid down there would be nothing to gain for it. Just wakefulness, watching, waiting.

“I always thought I wanted it to be real, Qrow,” he said. “All my life. Ever since the wanting to know dug its claws into my head for the first time. Even when we both should have run away after the incident. I- but now I’m here. And I really do know now, even if there’s so much more that I don’t. Hidden. Layers waiting for me to scrape away and dig down into them.”

When he looked back up Qrow’s face was near unreadable, as it always was. As though his old friend had at some point become a spy. “You can still get out, Bart. Quit. Forget.”

Barty laughed weakly. “You don’t… you don’t think I tried? I attempted to write up a letter of resignation, and it was as though the keys had transformed, like staring at some unknown machine as the cursor blinked. So I took up a pen, determined to write it, and I forgot how to write. And when I saw Ozpin I… the words. They wouldn’t be spoken. I don’t think I can quit.”

He sagged then and pulled out his chair, sitting heavily down. His head was laid in his arms, trying to think it through, but what was there to think of? To understand? He was trapped. A group of beings wearing skin suits had attempted to break into the archives. He’d looked at one of them wearing the face of a person he’d taken a statement from. Veronica Chase of Leeds.

“Everything I remembered pointed to… to the world being a very dark place, but I think I. I was too young to understand just how horrific.”

Cool fingers curled around his. Barty squeezed them on reflex, trying to convince himself not to do anything so childish as cry. There was so much going on. Too much going on. And he knew Ozpin, Qrow, perhaps some of the other assistants, he knew they knew more. And those secrets, that untold knowledge, burned like a hunger in him as much as recording statements had become. A part of him, one he didn’t yet know how loud it truly was, wanted to devour that knowledge.

Qrow’s voice broke into his thoughts. “...Have you ever spoken about it?”

Barty considered the question a moment before he lifted his head. Qrow was no longer unreadable. He was sad. Maybe angry as well. 

“I haven’t.” He’d alluded to things to Qrow, when they were young and just a few stupid, desperate children, but he’d never told the full story. Perhaps not even to the police.

Qrow nodded to the tape recorder. “Maybe now’s the time.”

“You mean give a statement?” He sounded incredulous, as though that was the last thing he ought to be doing.

The other man shrugged, but thin fingers curled a little tighter. The gesture was soothing. “Couldn’t hurt.”

Barty sat up straighter, looking at the recorder waiting for him to merely press record. It called to him. With a sigh he picked up his glasses and placed them on his face, straightening his back. Qrow’s hands retreated over the table to his lap, and the other man was silent as he slouched and stared at Barty.

The record button depressed with a satisfying click, and the gears within ground softly with their age. The sound tingled along his spine like light, tickling fingers.

“Statement of Bartholomew Oobleck, regarding a series of deaths at Eastwyke Museum of Artefacts and Antiquities in 1996. Statement taken on November 22nd, 2020. Audio recording by Bartholomew Oobleck, Head Archivist of the Beacon Institute, London.” He paused a moment, as memories returned, like he’d merely opened a door. He remembered being a young and curious boy, and the scent of dust and paper and age in the museum’s storage. It was almost as if he were there, and he knew he’d be able to tell the story down to the deepest detail, and when he began to talk he wasn’t entirely sure who he was talking to - Qrow, the tape, or himself. 

“Statement begins.”

I don’t suppose there are many people who would remember the Eastwyke Museum of Artefacts and Antiquities anymore. Or if they do, they might pretend not to. The galleries had originated from the private collection of Duke Francis Egerton, who had been the Duke of Eastwyke for perhaps a decade in the eighteen hundreds and primarily concerned himself with gathering rare and unusual antiquities. In the 1950’s several of his descendants saw fit to open it to the public, perhaps to use it to make a little money or invest. Despite that it didn’t see tourism. The patrons were mainly students from Oxford, or travelling academics. Anthropologists, archaeologists, Egyptologists… even had an entomologist come in weekly to just sit in the insect room and take it all in. No, not many people would remember it, but it was my childhood.

My parents, Pearl and Mathis Oobleck, were archaeologists. They were often abroad with work and digs. Sometimes I went with them, sometimes I stayed at home with my grandfather Tennyson, who had a little cottage on the grounds when he worked as curator. When he retired the mantle passed to my father and they were home a little more, unless going off to expand the collection. It was… a happy enough childhood. Maybe lonely sometimes, but I had an entire world of secret knowledge to explore, a library to devour and help curb my hyperactivity. I was content prowling those halls, which felt more like home to me than our cottage.

When I was nine the proprietors purchased a considerable number of artifacts from a private auction, something to do with a portion of Duke Egerton’s original collection that had made it into the hands of a branch of the royal family they’d had a rivalry with. The purchase caused quite a stir. All sorts of wild stories were told… not the least of which was that many of the artifacts there were once bought from grave robbers. I never heard the truth of it, though I suspect it was. Most private collections are just that. Stolen.

I was forbidden to go near the newest items. While it was next to impossible to keep me out of the storage rooms, I had learned early not to touch anything, and was not allowed in the room where they were held without an accompaniment to make sure I kept my hands well off. I remember standing in the middle of the room, hands stuck firm under my arms to resist the temptation to touch the pottery or old weapons. I must have looked like I had seen Father Christmas as I turned every which way trying to get a peek at it. I was a horrible annoyance, I suspect.

One part of the lot, though, I remember very well. It had been a beautifully preserved set of canopic jars. I recall being told they were from the eighteenth dynasty. They were made of black stone, each head carved with exquisite detail, the polish hanging on despite the millenia since. All over the surface of the jar were carved hieroglyphs, uncharacteristic of the usual designs. Several people believed the jars to be fake, as the material was wrong for the time, and the glyphs were unusual, but carbon dating seemed to suggest it was an immutable fact. I think there was a lot of discussion whether to open the jar and study the remains inside.

The largest advocate for their authenticity was Dr. Herbert Renshaw, a loud and corpulent man. I never knew him well. He was the sort of man who didn’t have patience for even a docile child, let alone a hyperactive boy with a million questions. He usually didn’t want me about so I didn’t hear much of them until he’d found me one day loitering near the entrance of the archive where they were being kept and he asked if I would like to come inside.

I remember finding that odd, chiefly because I knew he didn’t care for me, but also because of the look in his eyes. I was never much good at deciphering human emotions when I was younger, but even then I thought there was something of a gleam to them. I readily agreed, though, and darted inside the moment I was allowed to.

We didn’t have much in the way of conversation. He talked at length about the glyphs carved into the rock, and how they’d seemed to be in several different languages. His speech had been rapid, I remember, and I’d had difficulty following along. All the while I’d been edging closer to them, feeling captivated by the staring eyes of the figureheads atop the jars. I felt as though they were looking back at me, urging me in. 

I hadn’t even been aware of reaching for them when Dr. Renshaw’s hand slapped down hard over my own, knocking it away. Knuckles stinging, I’d turned and fled as he glared. But even now I’m not sure if I ran from the slap, the look in his eyes, or the fact that there had seemed to be radiant, physical heat from those jars. 

For the next few days I was kept busy with my homeschooling and hardly got a chance to go into the museum beyond writing a maths test in my mother's office. Whenever I was in, though, I happened to see Dr. Renshaw. Normally he was a neat and tidy sort of man, with expensive suits and his moustache waxed within an inch of its life, yet… it seemed as though he was keeping less care of himself. Hair unbrushed, buttons undone, bowtie lank or missing. And as he walked he’d mutter to himself and turn a wild sort of gaze on a person, something that made you feel less like a person and more like an object.

When I asked my mother about it she dismissed it as him being overworked and told me to concentrate harder on my studies. I tried, but the memory of the way he walked and stared wouldn’t be banished from my mind.

It was on a Monday that it truly started. I had left one of my science textbooks in my mother’s office and needed it for that day’s lesson, but it was on Monday’s the museum was closed, so I took my father’s key and let myself in the back entrance. I was hardly afraid. I knew these halls like the back of my hand.

As I was passing through one of the archives - it had been stuffy and hot with summer, without climate control - I heard an odd sound. A sort of whimpering coming from further in the dark. At first I rooted in place, wondering if I should run and get my father, too afraid to call out. When the sound came again I crept through the shelves, terrified of what I might find, when I came upon one of the librarians, Maggie Law. I’d always liked her. She let me read what I like and sometimes would sneak me toffee’s or other sweets. I’m certain she had a kind, round face, but now all I can remember is how she’d looked there in the shadows. Yellowing skin and eyes, soaked with sweat, hands clutched over her side. I remember her crying, her voice so broken and small as she said ‘he pulled it from me, he pulled it from me.’ 

I ran then, straight for my parents. It had taken them a good five minutes to get me to talk enough sense to call an ambulance. I remember watching from my window as she was taken away, staring through old warped glass at the blue lights. 

I also remember something else, though. Dr. Renshaw. His face looking out from a window at the same scene. Even though I couldn’t see him clearly, my vision what it was, I felt sick just to look at him. I felt dread.

More attacks followed. The following day the groundskeeper, Kevin Rutherford, was found dead, torch in hand. I overheard the police telling my parents he seemed like he must have had a heart attack while patrolling the grounds that night. The day after that an archaeologist named Judith Churchill was found in a state of shock in the parking lot, having finished up late that night. 

The museum closed. Everyone by that point was terrified, and the police were doing regular patrols. I was thirsty to know what was happening but my parents refused to tell me, so I’d taken to listening in on the telephone whenever someone rang. I eavesdropped on one such call and learned that Maggie Law had died. Hepatic encephalopathy, they’d said. I remember struggling an ancient medical textbook down from a shelf just to look it up. It’s a condition caused by acute liver failure.

I was in a right state after that. My parents were making sure to keep the doors locked. I remember my mother tucked me in and told me not to worry. I try to always remember that.

It was around ten pm that a knock came at the door. Unable to sleep I’d made a little tent of a blanket and was reading by torchlight when I heard it. Curious who it could be at that hour with so much going on, I crept from my bed to go to the stairs to watch the front hall. I thought perhaps it might be a policeman, that there’d be some news.

It was my father who answered the door. On the threshold stood Dr. Renshaw, and he looked haggard. Deep bags below his fever-bright eyes, cheeks almost sunken, hair a mess. I remember he had a hand tucked into his jacket. 

My father invited him in, of course. There’d been concern in his voice as he shut the door and warned him he shouldn’t be out so late with such strangeness going on. 

I remember the door swinging shut. I remember Dr. Renshaw pulling one of the jars from his jacket and noticing the eyes of Qebehsenuf, the falcon, somehow staring out from its black and smooth surface. And then Renshaw reached for my father.

Words do not feel as though they can describe. I watched as his hand seemed to sink through clothes and skin and flesh without a drop of blood. I remember my father’s face going stark white as my mother asked what was going on. And then Renshaw pulled his hand back.

It was like nothing I had yet seen. Pink, almost purplish, tubes were gripped in Renshaw’s hand. My father screamed then, falling to his knees, watching as this mass was pulled from him. There was too much even for Renshaw to hold and it slipped to the ground with a wet splat, and seemed to move like a languid snake. 

My father fell over then, as my mother screamed hysterically. All I remember clearly was Renshaw looking up at me as he held my father's intestines like fleshy ropes, letting them drag on the ground and slap his clothing. Our eyes met. They were like I had never seen before. There was something mad there, but also elation or euphoria I couldn’t understand.

I ran then, bolting for my parent's room. I remember crawling under their bed and curling up beneath the headboard, hands over my ears as I listened to my mother scream before it just… ended. I waited to hear boots upon the stairs, for Renshaw to come and stick his hand into me, but he never came. All I heard was the door swing shut.

I didn’t leave until morning when the police arrived. The maid found my parents, and the police found me. Had had to drag me from under the bed, in fact. They didn’t let me see their bodies, and the funeral was closed casket. I told the police who I’d seen but Renshaw had disappeared along with those canopic jars. Jars I worry that had gotten full on what was stolen from his coworkers.

I went to go live with my grandfather after that. There was a lot of therapy. I was pushed harder than ever into my schoolwork, and I treated it like a drug to quiet my mind. Eventually I think I half convinced myself it was a hallucination by the time I went to high school. Now I know better.

Statement ends.

[0poole]

Humor in Writing

    Most of the time I feel like dismissing what might seem like “faults” in writing because I haven’t actually made anything myself, and especially haven’t gotten any attention to what I make, but every once in a while something really ticks me off. Of course, I still try to take it with a grain of salt because of my lack of true experience in writing, but considering I’m hoping to actually become some degree of a writer I feel like it’s worth actually trying to explain what I think is a fault with things and why. 

    There always seems to be one specific thing that bothers me a lot when reading/watching stuff, and it’s the hard switching of tone from comedy to sincerity, or something similar to that, or vice versa.

    Honestly, even though it sounds like the motive of a cartoon villain, I kinda think there’s too much humor in the world. It’s probably just entirely driven by opinion and preferences, but I feel like so many people are striving and looking for comedy that it hinders so many other things. I feel like, both in real life and in writing, having so much humor everywhere creates a pretty big gap between that tone and sincerity, which is pretty much always needed at some point. The big line between comedy and sincerity makes it so much harder, emotionally speaking, to feel good about the switch. I’ll try to explain…

    First of all, this whole line of thought, even though I’ve been thinking it forever, was spawned by me watching Epithet Erased. Took me long enough, because I’ve seen some of the characters around and really loved their designs, but I finally watched it all, and I gotta say… It was interesting. Also, this is probably just going to be very ranty and opinionated but I will (hopefully) have something more valuable to say after. But, anyways, for one, it felt just barely too close to some of the premises for the stories I’ve thought of in various ways, but I guess that’s just bad luck on my part. Second, I feel like its humor really brought it down for me. Some episodes felt so long winded (although not necessarily “boring” I guess) because I felt like I got the joke they were trying to tell relatively quickly after they started it, but carried it so far. It didn’t help that, at least for a few of them, some of the characters felt like archetypes that I’ve seen a lot around the internet, or at least were simple enough that I understood what they were instantly, and when they are carried out through long character-focused moments it felt like nothing was happening. I feel like some of the characters are fine enough, even if I may not like them, but Giovanni and Indus were the two big ones that I thought had a little too much time given to them…

    But more relevant to what I’m trying to say, sometimes the writing jumps way too far from the very comedic tone it’s trying to put out and into it trying to be sincere. The worst case of this was when Sylvie met Mera in the museum storage, and Sylvester tried to out Mera’s nightmares, only to see that her nightmare was the reality she was already in. With the scene change, and Indus becoming more serious with Molly, it felt like a good enough departure from the usual comedic tone to warrant the deeper motive of the character. But, then, of course, they had to trash the whole tone by adding the line about her also being afraid of ducks. There was absolutely no good reason to warrant that line and I will die on that hill. Not only was it just humor, but it was spontaneous “random” humor, and so on… I honestly hope people could just understand where I’m coming from there by how out of place it seems. I feel like the only defense they could use, apart from “just liking it,” would be that it’s comedic relief, but I genuinely feel like since practically the whole thing up until this point was comedy there was absolutely no need for comedic relief. The scene itself is like the opposite of comedic relief, like “Sit down and pay attention” or “Turn your brain back on” or whatever. The climactic point of the scenes before it were reached, meaning the sincere conflict there should be focused on, and apart from that one tiny little line it worked well enough. The fact that it was so tiny and insignificant is basically why I hated it so much. They literally could’ve just scratched it off of the script and only good things would have happened. 

    Something a bit similar happened before when Molly revealed her backstory to Giovanni. It wasn’t quite as bad, but when a scene goes from comedy to “my mom’s dead and my life sucks” you do feel the shift a little too quickly. I feel like it’s not as bad because it could just be Molly’s character, seeing the tragedy of her life as just sort of normal and not really that remarkable, meaning she’s more likely to just randomly bring it up. 

    But I definitely wouldn’t be going off this much about it if there wasn’t at least a little bit more. Zora was literally the reason I wanted to watch the show, because I saw a drawing of her a while back and thought she was just some random OC, but when I heard she was from this show I instantly wanted to watch it a lot more. I think the same thing happened with Molly, but I think I knew she was from the show to begin with. Anyway, Zora was the main character who I loved from the get-go and loved even more the more I learned about her. She’s such a perfect amount of diversion from being a generic cowboy in the little design details, while still being 100% cowboy material. Then, when I saw that her power was “Sundial,” or more generally just time powers, I loved it. The big thing that seems little conceptually is making her key term “sundial” instead of just “time” or whatever, because of how much it relates to her cowboy-ness, with it being associated with the “sun” people often associate with Death Valley and the Wild West and whatnot. Not to mention, it’s just a cool power.

    But that’s kinda the thing, though. She’s so insanely strong. She could literally kill anyone on a whim. I don’t see how anyone could be cracking jokes in her presence. It’s kinda more general of a gripe, but when she aged up Howie it was borderline terrifying, and yet… right after, they’re cracking jokes again. It’s just so jarring. She could have literally reduced him to dust, and they’re so casual about it. I know Percy is supposed to be kinda blind to some obvious things, but I feel like even she could see the horror. That said, though, Percy is also one of my favorites. Her powers feel so natural yet interesting for what she is for some reason. 

Frankly, the visual character designs alone for this show are all really good. Whether or not I’m into the writing, I can’t deny that the show kept me coming back just because it feels so good to just look at it, you know? The minimal animation, vocalized stage directions, and top-down scene view was really interesting to watch, since I’ve never seen it before, and seems like a perfect way to produce more content with less budget. It made everything feel super crisp and tidy, despite being animated so simply. Not to mention that the general lack of animation meant the few scenes where there was traditional-level animation felt really good. The voice acting was also amazing, (again not directly tied to the writing) especially when the voice actors carried their character and emotion from the scene into the stage directions, instead of just reading them out plainly. And, at the very least, the premise of the show is also really interesting (at least to me, mainly because I created 2 stories with a similar idea without even knowing anything about it. Simplified, specific superpowers are just perfect for character designing, you know?) 

But I am kinda acting like the writing was bad, but it really wasn’t all things considered… I’m just not really into comedy, and when the comedy I don’t like is paired with writing and practically everything else I do like it doesn’t sit right with me. Considering this idea and some of the story beats were adopted from a DnD(-esque?) campaign, I feel like it’s much more fine. Frankly, I’m surprised I didn’t realize it sooner. Once I read about that, everything just fell into place. I’m not really into DnD either, though…

So, I feel like there are things to gain from thinking about this. While Epithet Erased is still on the mind, I feel like I’ve realized something about the juxtaposition of comedy and sincerity, that being that comedic characters can exist in sincere surroundings, and vice versa. Zora specifically could be one of these characters, because she’s so powerful that she probably sees everything around her as trivial, while the other characters have more sincere reactions to her obscene power. She could easily crack a sick joke that no one laughs at because she’s the only one who can find humor in whatever’s going on. By contrast, the thing about Mera’s fear of ducks was a product of the scene and not of the character, so it just ruined things. Nothing about it was made to be funny to the characters, it was made to be funny to the audience, even though the audience should be in sincere mode then. 

Another character that I think works like this is Charlie from Hazbin Hotel, who is the sincere personality in a world of complete and total insincerity. She’s basically a more unique kind of straight man (despite being neither straight nor a man), who are always the grounding in comedic casts, like Squidward in Spongebob. I guess in sincere stories there are comedic relief characters, and in comedies there are straight men. You know, these are probably all things other people have figured out already… at least I can feel good knowing I sort of reached them on my own…

    I think a good solution for stuff that’s primarily meant to be a comedy is to make it almost entirely comedic, at least with the inclusion of a straight man if needed. The big name that comes to mind is good ol Monty Python, the backbone of 14 year old boys’ humor style. At some point I realized why I like the humor of The Holy Grail, at least above other comedic movies, is that they don’t hold back at all. At no point whatsoever do they pull back the veil and put in a sincere moment. And, of course, since I can basically recite the entire movie from memory I think it did wonders. I think when it comes to comedies like this, trying to be too sincere at certain points makes it feel even less sincere than if it didn’t have the sincere moment at all. This might be a product of the 00s American family-rated live action comedies who all feel like they fall into that same boat, where the entire movie is hijinks, but then at the very end they pull that all back and have something really impactful happen, with the idea being having some shoehorned message about “family” or whatever. I can group so many movies into that category that it feels almost corporate how many there are like that, and because it’s both overdone and geared towards too generalized of an audience, trying to capture the comedy-lovers and sincere-lovers, it really just fails in both ways. Or, maybe people love them because they’re just barely bad enough to enjoy it in a so-bad-it’s-good sort of way. I dunno. If I wasn’t a little nostalgic for the time those types of movies might be my all-time least favorite.

    But I’m a stick in the mud who hates comedy so I’m not really equipped to tell anyone how to do it right. Instead, I feel like there’s some seriously untapped potential in other forms of “feel-good” tones, like casual lightheartedness and just plain fun. I feel like those two things really work towards creating sincere stories that are still enjoyable, and not just one shot of sadness after another, while still having a dash of impactful emotion in them.

    I feel like this is where Pixar really shines. People say “It’s not a true Pixar movie if you don’t cry at the end” because I think Pixar movies are great at making the audience lower their guard, and when the moment is right, hitting you right in your heart to make you feel the right emotions. For example, what I’d call my favorite movie of all time (for intents and purposes, if not for real), Inside Out, is all about emotional sincerity, where it’s trying to get across how it’s okay to feel sad, even though the world around you tends to say happiness is always what you want. For most of the movie, it’s a pretty casual romp around the inner workings of Riley’s mind, with some jokes thrown in (because it doesn’t have to be completely without jokes). I’m not really sure how to explain it, but the various jokes in Inside out feel like they’re sort of blended with the interesting workings of this fantasy mind-world, like the fact that earworms are just the little blobby workers in our minds sending the memory of the song back up to the control panel for the hell of it, or that our dreams are a product of a Hollywood-like place in our minds. These things definitely are there for humor, but something about them feels much more fun than just any kind of generic comedy. 

    Then, I feel like the most important thing about fun and lightheartedness is that they feel like they blend so much better with the sincere moments. Obviously if it’s too quick it’ll still be bad, but I think it’ll be much less bad than with comedy. Maybe you could think of it like a spectrum with pure comedy at one end and pure tragedy at the other, with fun and lightheartedness just barely crossing the midpoint towards the comedy side. Since there’s less of a gap between it and tragedy compared to pure comedy, it feels less jarring. Plus, it just feels more reasonable logically speaking, since comedy sort of puts up this insincere barrier to sort of suspend the disbelief that the events in question are supposed to be taken seriously, which makes breaking that barrier harder once it’s established. With fun and lightheartedness, there may be an expectation of it sort of maintaining itself but there isn’t as much to say there isn’t something hiding in the background. In Inside Out at least, throughout Joy and Sadness’ journey they are pretty determined to get back to the control panel to save Riley, but they’re for the most part confident they can do it (or, you know, just Joy’s confident), so they sort of interpret the world around them in a more casual light, but with that lower-level need still there. But when Joy falls into the abyss of forgotten memories and the hopelessness sets in, you feel it much more, because it was sort of already there to begin with, and it was just made perfectly clear at that moment. I think Bing Bong’s emotions during the scene also make it pretty emotional, since he’s being casual about his death while also being sincere about his sacrifice for Riley’s sake. Not to mention his inner sadness was outed while talking with Sadness.

    I feel like if I were trying to write an actual essay I could probably phrase all this a lot better. I just think there’s a ton of value to lightheartedness in stories, as opposed to comedy, for the sake of “feeling good.” Pretty much all of my favorite things have that tone to them to some degree, like Wander Over Yonder, my for sure favorite TV show. It definitely feels fun in a way that can elicit laughs, but it’s not a lot like “This is a joke and you should laugh” most of the time (Disregarding the Evil Sandwich, my least favorite character in the show). I also think Steven Universe succeeds very well with that tone, creating an extremely comfy atmosphere when it comes to the less climactic episodes. 

    I also vastly prefer the lighthearted resolutions to the conflicts in lighthearted stories. Frankly, I am infinitely more likely to cry to a comfy and happy resolution than I am to the actual sad parts. I’m not really sure what it is about them, but I guess the characters finally being happy again after emotional turmoil warrants a happy-cry. I swear, if I think too hard about the scene where Riley finally admits her sadness to her parents and just sits in their warm embrace, I tear up. It feels so much better than hijinks-danger-hijink resolution. 

    But yeah, the stories I want to write the most will all inevitably have that sort of lighthearted flair to them, unless of course I choose to go more inherently serious with a story. There’s nothing wrong with that either. 

    With regard to the really big claim I made before about there being too much humor in the world, the themes of Inside Out, and what I said about comedy’s insincere barrier, I really think the world as a whole would benefit from valuing humor a little less. It feels like there are so many situations where people sort of want to maintain their good feelings with humor instead of more directly dealing with issues in a sincere mindset. For example, if people say something disagreeable (but not insane), It feels like too many people resort to making jokes at that person’s expense and not dealing with the issues directly. Obviously if someones saying some insane bullshit it’s fine, but when the more reasonable takes that are just barely put under the same umbrella as the insane shit are made fun of, it really deepens the trench between the people of different opinions. Of course, humor isn’t the only thing deepening that trench, but it really feels like one of them a lot of the time.

    Apart from that, I feel like using humor as a way to distract from general negativity and negative emotions like what Inside Out sort of warns against can be pretty detrimental too. Obviously happiness can still be around, but putting up that kind of barrier between you and the necessary sincerity for emotion with comedy just makes the unpleasantness of the unpleasant stuff that much more unpleasant. I’m saying this one at least out of personal experience, since I have sort of developed to be too subconsciously against super sad and sincere real world scenarios. I haven’t personally felt too many of them myself, but I definitely feel myself blocking off some of my own emotional vulnerability, especially around other people. I can consciously talk against it, like I’m doing now, but I feel like it’s going to take a long time for that barrier to really break. Is humor to blame for that sort of thing? Maybe, with a dash of toxic masculinity and other buzzwords people often avoid for reasons I mentioned in the last paragraph. 

    Even though this one is much more unreasonably generalizable than the last two things, I feel like the popularity of self-deprecating humor across the internet also (probably?) takes a toll on some people. Obviously some people might just use it to their genuine benefit, but since it seems so common surely some people are putting on a self-deprecating face to get along, and eventually maybe even believing what they used to joke about themselves. Either way, it might be a product of an extreme departure from any kind of narcissism, making being self-confident and self-loving just that little bit harder for people.

    But, while I’m not the most equipped to judge writing, I’m even less equipped to actually debate for the existence of all those things, so just know I’m kinda speaking with my heart and not my brain here. People obviously want and need different things, and I’m probably just projecting. Hell, maybe that’s me self-deprecating to not make me seem weird to everyone else. I dunno.

        No matter what, all this reliance on humor really just shows who is and isn’t funny. Sometimes, people really need to get a grip. Frankly, I don’t think I’m that funny either, which is why I’ve kind of had the humor beaten out of me by one too many awkward silences after a weird joke in my elementary/middle school days. I guess that’s my cartoon villain origin story. 

[gemstoneconstellations]

I love your fanfics! And I was wondering do you have any tips for original fanfic writing or just writing fics in general?

wow this actually ended up a lot longer than i thought it would, but here we go!

Original fanfics, hmmmmmm....

What I generally do is base things off of my own personal experience. Like all my iida fics are stuff that happened between me and my husband before we got married. Can’t help falling in love fic with bakugo, that was a previous relationship i had (which there is more to that story). Caught with todoroki..... thats how i got out of a ticket with a cop and how i learned that when i half check someone out and half start thinking about what i would do to that fine man in uniform (curse my uniform kink) that i glare/make a suspicious face. and when he confronted me about what i was doing, ready to write some kind of ticket for whatever i was doing wrong, i was so embarrassed that i blurted out that i found him very attractive and what exactly was on my mind and how i wanted to take that uniform off him.... that has happened with a emt too, i missed the green light looking at his bulging biceps after he rolled up his sleeves to write on a clip board.... he waved and i proceeded to squat in my seat and slam my face against the stirring wheel. escape artist cat was actually a dream i had, someone was taking off my cat’s pretty ribbon collars and putting ugly ones on her and i woke up sooooo mad, but i turned that dream into a romance story (reality kuiper was taking her collars off herself cause she was a brat) Stories about yourself, no matter how small you think it is actually has great potential to become a fic.

its also okay to borrow ideas from other forms of media. I do. example, Silk Maiden, based off of  an old batman episode from the early 2000s. its completely okay to do that. I’m not saying copy and paste the exact scenes. Just take the premises and then change it. some examples, like the movie Brave is the Scottish version of Aladdin. the princess who wants to be free and live her life beyond her princess duties needs to get married and she is not having it and wants to change the rules and runs away to find something new. premise is the same but how the story is told is different, one denies every prince and find her own prince in the streets of her kingdom and the other finds a cake that turns her mom into a bear that helps them understand each other and appreciate each other more. a weeb example is isekais. There are sooooo many isekais. japan, Korea, and china are all mass producing isekais right now. the premises are all the same, someone from one world now in another world primarily thanks to magical truck-kun who is probably could be branded as a mass serial killer at this point. I read a lot and i love korean isekai romance novels. I have read an isekai where the character was a villain who then was reincarnated with the memories of her villainous previous life who decided to live her new life by repenting by helping others but guess what? truck-kun came in the form of a airplane crash and she wakes up again in her first life’s preteen body before she became a villain. I’m reading an isekai isekai, author of an isekai met truck-kun and woke up inside the body of one of her characters in her isekai novel. all the same premise but told in a different way. i want to write an isekai for bnha! take a premise and write what you wanted to see happen between those characters if they were in that situation.

same for some fanfics, like you read a fanfic and you like the story that you read but you wished for something more. You like the idea but you wished that it went in this direction or you wanted different  types of interaction, its okay to write your own fic with the same premises. i’ve done that. (side note: but if you are gonna base off of it where a lot of the stuff is the same the give the proper credit where it deserves. no stealing peoples hard work) thats what fanfic was originally made for, fans wanted something more from their favorite works or wants something different (Thank you star trek fandom who started all this). I’ve read a lot of villain deku fics and i was craving a specific type of villain fic where “he really isnt a villain but is one but there is a reason why hes being evil cause it is for the greater good cause of deku’s savior complex and border line martyr complex he’s had since he was a child” with a side of “hero/villain romance”, “surprise quirk” and “badass” and a healthy scoop of “bakugo becomes a better person on his own without deku at UA through the power of friendship cause he has that potential without deku’s constant interference”. no one had what i wanted, so i started writing it myself.

also dont worry about being original. you can write a common idea that everyone sees a thousand times a day, like isekai, and people will love it. focus on how you are telling your story, dont put so much effort in being different. actually, common or typical tropes/ideas help make the story more relatable. two books can be equally as good but one person can like book A over book B because they felt more connected to the characters in it. they could relate to the emotions that were being conveyed. 

now writing tips....hmmmmm well not everything works for everyone but this is what i do

I write notes down, lots of them. I have notebooks full of notes for my fics. some people can just sit there and start writing, but i like notes to keep me on track and remind me of stuff i wanted to add. Writing it down makes it easier not to forget, cause you are just lying to yourself if you think you’ll remember the idea for later. i got dialogue, scenes, plots, random quirk ideas, diagrams, (12) oc profiles, outlines, lists, and a event idea that i have that i want to do some day, all in my notebook. If you are going to write a long fic i strongly encourage that you do this. Outlines are your friend, they are bones of the story Ex:

Hero By Another Name original outline:

meet at a fire, firefighter impresses kiri who will later seek her out

kiri is becoming popular and wants to share the fame

they bond some how(?)

firefighter kiri, kirishima needs to wear a firefighter uniform

firefighter turns out to be a mega fan of red riot

photoshoot

kirishima finds out shes a nerd and is cool with it

firefighter is now popular

camping with baku or bakusquad?

miscommunication

kirishima does a big confession

I always start off with the key things i want for sure to happen. then i start adding to it. I write out the scene i definitely want to see or i can see clearly in my head. i just keep adding to it till its at least three pages long of just outline that has some images, random dialogue i want someone to say or little summaries of the scene i want.

its okay to jump around when you write. there are some parts that you know you need in a story to help it move a long but it can be boring. so i write one scene that i want to happen next and then i think of what needs to happen to get to that point. like how in hero another name where kirishima shows up unannounced to her apartment  and finds out she hoards all his hero merch while not wearing pants.  how do you make that not sound creepy and have kirishima be okay with it? by adding bits of how much of a fan she is through out the story! when they first have dinner together i threw in that red riot shirt to help break the ice and that he would then know that she was a big enough fan to buy his merch and that she admires him and that he is an inspiration for her. then later adding that interview where she talks about how she became his fan shows that she has years of dedication to him as a hero. so when he sees all the merch she has, it would make sense to him that she had all of that and not go “huh, will i be able to leave this place if i enter?”

if you dont know it, look it up. research. i wrote a fic before where the reader was pregnant the entire time, i started at two months to birth. I knew nothing about pregnancy on how it can affect your daily life and what it feels like beyond what health class and child development class taught me. So i looked it up. there is seriously so much that doctors look for during those many ultrasounds cause there are so many things that can affect your health and the baby’s and did you know there is pregnancy diabetes? you can become diabetic only during pregnancy, like after you give birth it can go away or stay, the human body is just tripy. but thanks to that research, people who have had children before left comments going “yessss, i remember feeling that” or “god, this was my sister in this scene, it sucks”. Its that relatability i mentioned before that really helps and it makes the story more believable.

(this is just my personal opinion mainly here feel free to ignore) when it comes to smut, write what you know and not what you fantasize about. im not calling anyone out but i can tell from how someone writes sex that they never had it and they are most likely younger than me. i’ve experimented a lot in my 25 years of life and i find myself going “oh sweetie, thats not how the vagina/anus works” when i read fics sometimes. there are guides online that are very informative and tell you what the feelings are like that you would expect. dont rely on porn too much on how sex works physically, maybe for dialogue. (i think of porn as just live action fanfics for the human mating ritual fandom). its okay to use other smuts as reference tools as well, especially if you dont know anything of the bdsm lifestyle.

beta readers help a lot. if you are unsure of ideas that you have, talk it out with a friend. I sometimes do this for myself or help others with their fics. its actually a lot of fun with a group of people where you just keep shooting off ideas together about stuff and just go all out fangirlling to the point you are rolling on the ground smiling. this can help with writers block or motivate you to keep writing. also having another pair of eyes to look at your fics, not just for corrections but for input on the story can help make it better. someone can see things from a different angle and point stuff out to you, plot holes or things that you can add.

im not sure what else to say other than stuff like format and spacing. sometimes i see people who write too long of paragraphs or there is no clear separation between them. thats killer on the eyes and makes me not want to read at all cause all i see is this wall of text thats just overwhelming. i want to call who ever formatted textbooks cause thats how they do it and it makes it so hard to concentrate on reading and absorbing the info. if i see fics with no clear breaks or long running paragraphs, i usually give up half way cause i just cant do it. its hard to keep track where you are reading and you start trying to focus on it too much that the story is just lost on me. it is hard on people like me who have dyslexia (who ever called it that is just cruel to people who have it cause you can never spell it without spell check and pronouncing it is just ugggh) 

i hope this helps

[graffitibible]

Building ocs to complement the characters like that is an absolute galaxy brain move, are there any specific ones from starry eyed??

thank you!! and yes, all the most prominent ocs in starry-eyed (i.e. the other two crews he had prior to the fab four) were built to complement or highlight some aspect of jet. i’m not sure how well some of them came across but they were all meant to correspond to or develop a trait of jet’s.

doublestar signifies jet’s relationship with assertiveness. he’s not a super assertive personality by nature (he tends to be drawn to people with a lot of conviction and external confidence, like dust devil and party poison) but some of that has to do with his upbringing. he wasn’t really encouraged to figure out his own relationship with leadership because doublestar was a very “i take charge and you do what i say” personality even if it was with benign intentions. it’s in part because of doublestar that jet has a lot of doubt about making his own decisions for himself and feels more comfortable following someone else’s lead, and also one of the key reasons he puts so much weight on himself to always perform well. she complimented him a TON for the things he was really good at and she did this with good intentions - he’s a great sharpshooter, he’s a fast runner, he’s got excellent instincts for survival. but because jet’s a heavy internalizer, he took all that to mean “oh, i have to perform those things ALWAYS and it’s my direct fault for things that go wrong in those areas because I’m The Best At Them Like Doublestar Said.” so for all that doublestar did her best to prepare him and her group for desert life, she didn’t excel at that in every respect lol

coma doze represents a humor, impulse, and lust for life that jet didn’t really allow himself to have, even as a kid. coma chases emotional highs; jet never allows that for himself. jet’s own enjoyment of something is literally always the last thing on jet’s list of priorities. coma’s a much more lighthearted, spur of the moment kind of guy than jet ever allowed himself to be, and also incredibly pathos-driven. coma’s willingness to throw himself at the fight taking place in the analog wars has more to do with a need to do something with himself than any genuine investment in the struggle taking place. those moments where jet says “fuck it” and does something stupid (like charging a scarecrow while he’s completely alone and without backup for example lol) come from a similar place. most of the time coma’s willing to let his emotional high dictate where he ends up without considering the why or how or the aftermath of it. this is meant to be a clear contrast to jet, who even at his angriest and stupidest, has a reason for doing what he does. he sees a scarecrow, he’s overcome with anger and frustration and a willingness to avenge his friends - but even in that state of heightened emotion he still has a moment where he weighs the risks of the action before he decides to take it.

nova cane indicates jet’s skewed priorities and his sense of strategy, which ties into the above point, as well as his familial mindset and loyalty. that moment before he does something stupid or does something big where he checks himself and weighs the risks of it, that’s something that i wanted nova to represent. nova’s the voice of dissent when coma wants to charge in guns blazing and try and turn the tide of the analog wars, because she’s got the presence of mind to note that two people aren’t going to change the landscape of an entire war. and yet she’s also the person who doesn’t register that she’s been shot because she’s too busy fucking up the dracs that fucked with her crew. the risks to herself don’t sit on the same level as the risks to the crew as a whole, which probably seems pretty familiar since jet’s very much the same way. the risks he takes when it’s his own life on the line are significantly greater than the risks he’s willing to take when it’s the well-being of the group that’s put in the crossfire. nova was there to vocalize and highlight that a little since it’s not something that jet ever sat down and verbalized to himself, and not necessarily something he’s even aware of. it’s a little more evident when it’s someone else falling into those same patterns because that’s less subject to the inherent biases of jet’s pov.

nine-volt rocket was there to highlight jet’s tendencies for codependency. there are a lot of instances in part i where rocket was having a hard time (both physically and emotionally) and jet helps them out with basically no prompting from anyone. a lot of the “nurturing” (read: self-sacrificial) instincts jet picked up early in life have to do with rocket and this notion of “other people have it worse than me so i have to push myself to help them out since i don’t have it as bad” which is categorically not true but jet has a piss-poor conceptualization of his own limitations because of it. he always prioritizes other people above himself, and part of that is because for as long as he can remember, he’s kind of had to do that. of course the idea that he “has” to do it is more or less manufactured. no one asked him to take care of rocket or anything. he internalized the idea that he’s the “most capable” person in the group and so assumed that the responsibility fell down to him and because it tied into the “survival of the group” mentality, no one questioned it.

dust devil is one of those assertive personalities that jet’s drawn to. they’re representative of some of the early germs for the sense of justice that would later drive jet and by extension the fabulous four. dust devil’s aware that some things in the world are very broken and really wants to fix them but ultimately his plan to do that comes down to “break shit very loudly and raise hell doing it” which made for great catharsis but not much in the way of tactical warfare. because jet didn’t have any great stake in the analog wars other than the loss of nova and coma (which more came down to both of them being in the wrong place at the wrong time), dust devil was pretty necessary to introduce that element of “this affects everybody in the desert and you should care about it.” also on a less serious note dust devil existed to make it evident that jet’s Very Gay. i write the fab four as a family unit more than anything else so writing romantic interactions within the group doesn’t super jive with me. but i wanted it to be apparent that jet’s a dude who likes other masc-aligned folks so that’s what that whole mild panic over dust devil planting one on him came from.

fever queen is another character that highlighted jet’s self-sacrificial and codependent tendencies, and this was meant to call to light just how unhealthy they were. queen likes to vent to him and doesn’t really take into account how jet feels about these things - it’s a surprise to zir when jet chimes in because what queen really wants is a blank wall to throw things at so ze can get it out of zir system. queen also has this innate cynicism that’s supposed to counter jet’s own mindset - ze doesn’t think that any efforts to fight back against BLi are worthwhile and are ultimately doomed to fail, but sticks with the group out of necessity. while jet’s not so optimistic to feel like he can singlehandedly tip the balance of a desert-wide struggle, there’s a reason that he’s drawn to the idea of hitting back against better living, and that’s because of the sense of justice i touched on in the point above. queen was also meant to indicate that jet’s ultimately a pretty extroverted person, despite how nonverbal he is. he gets his energy from other people. queen similarly wants to be surrounded by other people, even if ze doesn’t believe in what they’re fighting for, and that’s something jet can relate to.

haywire is a natural exaggeration of jet’s self-destructive tendencies, and is also meant to indicate that a lot of those tendencies stem from a fundamental sense of self-loathing. haywire is dying and knows it. she doesn’t give a fuck about long-term survivability. she hurls herself headfirst into every firefight and when it isn’t charging straight into every clap she runs across, it’s out and out baiting people into fucking with her. jet might not be dying but he’s got a similar mindset. he’s super willing to put himself in the line of fire because he thinks nothing of himself, thinks nothing of the worth of his own life. his self-destruction isn’t big and flashy the way it is for haywire or someone like party poison or fun ghoul, but it’s very much present nonetheless. there’s that moment where haywire basically begs jet to kill her because she’s got a lungful of poisonous gas and she’s dying in a very slow and painful matter, and jet refuses. this is supposed to be a demonstrable contrast to how jet indulges his own self-destruction at the end of part ii. he’s not the kind of guy to put a gun to his own head, but he’ll wander the desert until he dies. he’ll entertain the idea of waltzing into battery city or out into the remains of zone seven just to see what happens. it’s a passive self-destruction as opposed to haywire’s active self-destruction, but that doesn’t make it any less retroactively horrifying that he and haywire are so goddamned casual about how willing they are to Fucking Die.

100% titanium is maybe the most obvious. they gave jet a “voice” in a sense because while jet’s a primarily nonverbal dude, titan was entirely nonverbal due to injury. but even before jet started picking up sign language from them, he got them in a way that not a lot of the other members of the group did, with the exception of raya. titan was there to make it a little more obvious that jet’s actually extremely good at reading other people’s body language and communicating nonverbally. he doesn’t need words to make his point and other people don’t need to spell out their points to him when he can pick most of the big points from the little things - how they stand, how fast they’re talking, how much they’re moving, their expression, etc. titan’s easily one of the characters in part ii that jet has the closest and best relationship with, and i also wanted a character to emphasize that jet has a massive capacity for a genuine love and warmth. some of his most genuine moments in part ii come from his interactions with titan.

mantarraya is meant to represent jet’s faith. she was initially there out of necessity - there was this nonverbal character that no one else would logically be able to understand, so mantarraya was there to streamline that. but more than that, i needed someone to remind jet of the faith he kept back in part i since queen was an outright nonbeliever and neither haywire nor devil were all that devoted to the idea of the witch. so raya believes in the witch, she believes in destroya, and she’s hopeful that she’ll see the latter raze battery city in her lifetime. for her, her faith takes the sting out of the inevitability of death - the witch will take care of her once she eats it, so it’ll be okay. jet doesn’t have that same confidence, in part because he pours so much of himself into others rather than into himself. so much of him wants to shut down and stop but he refuses to indulge that because other people need him. maybe the witch will take care of him, but he won’t be there to help of everyone else who needs him, and what’s worse is he’ll be helpless to stop whatever happens next. it was that existential fear that raised its head toward the end of part iii, because he hadn’t really taken the time to confront it until then. 

[thewriterslament]

writing a resume from scratch

as with literally everything i write, this got really fucking long! like, wordcounter.net estimates this will take 7 minutes to read. so i’ve placed the bulk of this post under a read more

this is not a quick tips kind of post; this is a detailed breakdown of how to write a resume from scratch, with examples that are largely taken from my own resume. this is primarily a resource for people who don’t know where to start with writing a resume, not for people who just want resume hacks

i’m saying all this so i don’t get people in my inbox complaining about how long this is. writing a resume takes a lot of time and effort, and this post does not shy away from that

creating a resume will take you a while, especially if this is your first attempt. don’t be discouraged! take breaks, and don’t try to make the perfect resume on the first try. this tutorial is designed to be completed in rounds

it usually takes me a week to get a new master resume into working order

don’t worry about page length right now. you should make a multipage master resume that contains every relevant experience before making a 1-page resume. after you’ve made the master, you can build custom resumes from it for job applications

this post is best viewed on desktop, because i use nested bullets, and tumblr mobile hates those

let’s get into it!

step 1:

list out everything you’ve ever done that could feasibly count as a resume entry: extracurriculars, jobs, volunteer positions, research, organizations you were a part of (professional or casual), freelance work, long-term hobbies. i will refer to each different experience as an “entry”

for each entry, write where (city + state) and when (timespan) you did that thing 

ex. tritones a cappella group, los angeles, ca, august 20xx - present

going forward, update this list as you join or complete new jobs/hobbies/whatever so that you don’t have to wrack your brain a year down the road wondering how long you held down that job or leadership role

step 2:

describe each entry

use bullet points to list out all the things you did within that role. start with the big picture, then move on to the small stuff

big picture: the goal of the role/organization/research, overarching and long-term projects, what results you were trying to achieve + why

ex. “studied the neuroanatomy and synaptopathy of the inner ear to determine the role of glutamate receptors in hearing loss”

small stuff: literal day-to-day tasks, every software and hardware you worked with, any particularly successful moments

basically, walk through a typical day or week in this role and list out every single thing you have to do, even the grunt work.

ex. “used redcap to administer neuropsychological batteries and collect biological data”

ex. “designed and implemented a novel article format that yielded a 10% increase in audience retention”

if you still have access to the original job posting or a corporate description of responsibilities for your role, pull that up and see how much you can paraphrase from it

no duty is too stupid rn. did you google weather forecasts for your boss every week? write it down. you can make it fancy or choose to delete it later

step 3:

fancify this shit

rewrite your bullet points from step 2 with better jargon. tell your employers what you did in a concise yet assertive manner

it helps to break down each point into its most basic components, which you can then generalize or rephrase 

ex. “googled weather forecasts” might become “compiled weekly reports on changing data points to assess weather trends over time”

use action words. you can find resources all over the internet for this, but if you’re still struggling, shoot me an ask and i’ll link some of the resources i’ve used myself

caution: you don’t want to sound like you used a thesaurus on every word. make sure you aren’t obscuring the meaning of your bullet points. “googled weather forecasts” should not become “utilized online databases to assemble weekly communications on meteorological variations”

start thinking about how your responsibilities for each entry relate to a) what skills you want to showcase and b) what the employer wants from you. does the employer want you to demonstrate familiarity with online databases, or does the employer want you to demonstrate familiarity with weather forecasts? your bullet point for “googled the weather” will change depending on the answer to these questions

step 4: 

look at the big picture

you probably have a metric buttload of bullet points for each entry. now you need to cut that down to what’s relevant. think about which bullets are most impressive, noteworthy, and descriptive of each entry

aim for 3-5 bullet points. any less than that and you have to ask why you’re including that entry. any more than that and the employer’s eyes will glaze over

try to combine bullet points

ex. “identify content and write articles when necessary,” “maintain a pool of freelancers,” and “identify key graphics and maintain tagging structure when uploading articles” all involve the process of creating an article, so they can be combined into: “identify content, assign stories to freelancers, write articles when necessary, and upload with appropriate graphics and tags”

start thinking about tailoring your word choices and bullet points to what the employer is looking for

if you can, pull up the job posting or a sample resume for the job you’re applying to and compare your resume to it. are you using similar language? are you demonstrating similar skills?

jobhero.com is a lifesaver

finally, eliminate redundancy in your resume, both in every individual entry and in the resume as a whole. if a skill can be demonstrated by multiple entries, you only need to list it once

kill your darlings! it may sound harsh, but the things that seem super impressive to you probably won’t even be a blip on the employer’s radar. “but saying i made coffee runs shows i’m dependable and a team player!” the employer isn’t looking that deep, my dude. you can showcase your dependability in your cover letter or your interview

you should redo steps 3 and 4 several times, soliciting feedback from your parents, peers, career center, etc each time

step 5:

add the Other Stuff

education

typically, you should only include institutions for the highest level of education you’ve attended. (undergrad and grad school both count as college for this purpose)

there are exceptions to this, depending on how long you’ve spent at a higher level of education, whether your alma mater will earn you brownie points, whether you had genuinely impressive accomplishments earlier in your life, etc.

once you hit, like, 2 years in college, you should try to get rid of high school achievements and showcase college achievements instead

list the school name, city + state, degree type (BA/MA/etc) and expected graduation date (even if it’s in the future), your major(s) + minor(s), and any related coursework (ie preprofessional tracks, specific courses related to the job). you can list your gpa if you feel it’s relevant, but i caution against doing this once you’ve graduated

ex. (where // indicates a new line) harvard university, boston, ma, may 2020 // bachelor of arts in cognitive neuroscience // minor: english: focus in creative writing // related coursework: pre-medicine, computer science 101 and 102 // gpa: 3.9/4.0 (dean’s list, all semesters)

skills

a list of items without descriptions. you can do a bulleted list or you can list the entries in paragraph form, separated by commas or bold bullets

hard skills: hardware, software, languages (spoken and programming), digital and communication platforms, social media proficiencies, other technologies and devices

ex. microsoft office suite, java, wordpress, slack, familiarity with ap and chicago style

soft skills: general qualities, buzzwords, personality traits

ex. leadership, conflict resolution, time management

certifications and awards

can be one section or two depending on how many of each you have

list each one on a separate bullet point

for each, write the certification or award, the institution that granted it, and the month and/or year you received it if relevant

publications

tbh i just cite my publications in the following format instead of following a style guide

lastname, firstname. “article or chapter title.” book title, publisher (aka company or website). publication date.

if you’re the sole author, you don’t need to list the author’s name

interlude: stretch the truth a bit. don’t lie about having experience or skills you don’t, but if you can reasonably google how to do something, boom! you’re proficient in it. if you worked with two team members who never pulled their weight? you just became the sole project lead. were you a beta reader for anime fanfiction back in the day? you’re a freelance editor, baby!

step 6:

now you have to organize all the entries from step 4

separate your entries into relevant sections. what’s relevant might change based on what you’re applying for

i’ve had, at various points in my life, some subset of the following sections: work experience, volunteer experience, leadership experience, research experience, writing experience, other relevant experience

list sections in order of descending importance

write all entries in reverse chronological order: start with the most recent and work your way backwards

write all bullet points in order of descending importance. unfortunately, i don’t have any quick tips on determining what’s important, but it helps to look at the job posting and see what matters to the employer

i tend to list big picture goals, then personal accomplishments (leadership skills, projects), then daily tasks

step 7:

format this shit

you can find resume templates online or in your word processor. templates serve as a good starting point, but i recommend creating your own format so you can edit and customize it with ease. this will probably involve a lot of fiddling with indentations, paragraph spacing, and moving things around

don’t go smaller than 10pt font

mess around with line and paragraph spacing to get the right balance of white space. if you’re curious about what i use, shoot me an ask and i’ll share my weirdly specific settings

keep an eye out for bullet points with orphan words (ie lines containing only 1-3 words) and get rid of them to streamline your resume

margins can be anywhere between 0.5″ and 1″

consistency is key! make sure each entry has the same kind of spacing. don’t use hyphens in one entry and en dashes in another

in the header, write your name, email, phone number, and address

interlude: save this version of your resume as your master resume. this gives you an unedited list of everything you ever did that you can now pick and choose from when you apply to jobs. update this list every 3-6 months.

step 8:

customize your resume for the job application

unless you’ve been in the industry for several years, your job-specific resume should be no more than 1 page

if you have more than 1 page: compare the job listing and your resume side by side and ask which entries demonstrate your capabilities most effectively, which bullet points are the punchiest, and if there’s any extraneous info

match each job requirement to one bullet point on your resume. then match each bullet point on your resume to a requirement in the listing. get rid of any bullet points that don’t meet either of those criteria. if multiple bullet points match the same job requirement, get rid of the extra bullet points

if you have significantly less than 1 page: see if you can add more bullet points or reformat your resume to introduce some more white space. a 2-column set-up is great for this, with section headers on the left and bullets on the right. do you have any hobbies you’re forgetting about? any soft skills you could add?

emulate the language of the job posting; use the same action words, the same soft skills

coda

your resume should work in tandem with your cover letter, but that’s a topic for another post. maybe in another 6 months i’ll write a post on that, too

always save your resume as a pdf! you don’t want your employer to have access to your metadata

if you made it through this whole post... i’m so sorry lmao but also thanks for sticking with me

let me know if you found this helpful or if this method scored you a job!

[glottia-arts]

Friendship is outer-dimensional

Old story kind of brought back from the grave since I felt bad, but here we are now! Another combined story of @konan720‘s world and mine from AHiT because I liked doing that for some reason before.

I hope this isn’t too bad even with editing out a lot of my old writing, but oh well.

This is also a multi-chapter story, but it’s TBD on whether I’ll put the other chapters up here as well.

Word Count: 4,892

_____

Loud sounds echoed around stone walls, unrecognizable to her ears. Aura was unsure what to make of the foreign land.

Buildings were one thing, sounds another, but the overall appearance of the world was dull and frankly made Aura’s eyes hurt. She never thought dull would hurt her eyes, but she supposes this is what she gets for consistently being surrounded by bright objects.

This applies to only the ghostly residents of her home and her hourglass, but she digresses.

Despite the headache, the dweller surveyed the odd-looking town; Its appearance strange compared to that of her village before its fall. Buildings were larger, more intricate, several decorated beyond compare. Some showcased products that she’s never seen or heard of, others purposes were left unclear to her.

Several people passed through the area, whether by foot or odd contraption. She noticed that some children would ride on two-wheeled objects, a protective headpiece in place as they wandered the streets. Adults, on the other hand, seemed to favor moving metal boxes or larger more metallic versions of the thing the kids rode.

The things they traveled with were certainly loud and smelly, having been up close and personal with several of them. Aura still didn’t understand how they work but was a little peeved that one decided to move over her.

She may be a pure shadow that clings to surfaces during the day, but that doesn’t mean she has no feelings!

Speaking of, getting around was hard. Traversing the town proved challenging, no matter the time.

During the day, there was leeway as she didn’t have her normally large body to contend with. Of course, there were complications due to the lack of shadow filled locations to cross through.

A group of children caught her one time, believing someone painted a spooky ghost on the wall. It was simple to stay still and let them presume so, but she’d hate to see their reaction when they found out someone removed said ‘painting’.

Come the hours of twilight, Aura had to worry over her glowing body. True, she could revert to her basic dweller form to decrease her size, but her body still shone brightly. In order to properly travel, she needed to be out and about and couldn’t afford the attention. She wasn’t a shapeshifter like Snatcher but wished she was for this. Even having a basic human form would be helpful! She’s sure an excuse exists for glowing people, given the several odd things in this world, right?

No, that’s possibly too silly.

The ghost just had to stick with a touch and go method in the towns she goes through, letting her freedom be while she roamed the peaceful forests.

Aura does not understand how she wound up in this world, other than it probably being her own fault, but held hope; Hope in finding someone who might hold the key to her way home.

Several days of traveling later, she sensed a magical signature. Though faint, she could sense a powerful aura in the signature. Perhaps they would know what she sought and if not, refer her somewhere else.

Given her lack of a magical signature, unless using her powers, along with the fact hardly anybody could sense magic flow, it’s doubtful they were aware of her. Hopefully, they were friendly.

Getting closer, the signature began to feel familiar, both positively and negatively.

She’ll have to play this safe.

It didn’t take long for the ghost to arrive in the town she noticed their presence radiate from, but waited for night to strike. Aura had no clue of their lives or what they did but most individuals tended to become available at nightfall. That and she would prefer to deal with them as her usual self.

In the time the large dweller waited she observed this town, getting a lay of the land if she could not receive the information she hoped for. The city seemed peaceful but had held an uncomfortable air. It was possible a lot of negative thoughts and emotions lay in this town, but it might be something else.

It was several hours past dusk when she made it to the housing district that she sensed the magic emerge from. This wasn’t a terrible housing area, several large nice looking homes in the vicinity. Several had yards, some having trees with the occasional treehouse. Seeing them all made her homesick. Hopefully, she’ll be able to return soon.

Arriving at the mystery house, Aura surveyed the home. It looked just like any other ordinary house but much like the town, gave an odd impression. Dread filled her nonexistent stomach, fearing the one she’d have to deal with would be troublesome.

Hating to do this without at least knocking on the front door, the dweller clung to the shadows, traversing the walls of the home into the closest open window.

Entering the room, she began scanning for the magical user. They were indeed located in the home, but not the current room. Unsure of what to do, yet curious, Aura emerged from the shadows to survey the room properly.

Drawings hung up along the walls, primarily done in crayon. The ghost had a hard time making out what the drawings were, unfamiliar with several things detailed, but it was nice to see the imaginative side of whoever drew it. The room lacked much decoration, reminding her of her own room back while she was alive. Not much personal detail was shown, other than the works of art and the quilt that covered the bed.

She may be an intruder, but she refused to be rude and snoop through personal belongings. Aura would make do with this information presented to her. Besides, this could be the room of someone else and not the one she sought.

Hearing soft footsteps make their way to the door, Aura slid into the shadows, hiding under the bed. A few moments later, the door opened and in stepped a small figure. The undead dweller had some trouble making things out from her hiding spot, but from what she could tell, a child entered.

Oddly enough, the child retained a faint magical signature. No other humans she observed in her travels registered with one, so this was new. Additionally, she sensed the one she had followed here, believing they entered with the young one, yet could not see them whatsoever.

A shiver ran down her spine as she fully picked up on them. The dweller now knows why the reading felt off to her, the very same thing she picked up on and was hesitant around Vanessa their entire lives for; deep seated anger has altered their presence, seeping to their magics core.

Maybe it was a mistake coming here.

She noticed the child approach the bed, hearing the shuffle of sheets. It must be the girls’ bedtime, a yawn following the fade of fabric movement.

The girl was ready to climb into bed but was halted by another voice.

“Julia, I think you should go get properly ready for bed.”

“Huh..?” A pause. “But Moon, I go to bed like this sometimes anyway.”

“I know dear child but perhaps a change of clothes and a wash of your mouth will have you feeling better. You might sleep easier as well.”

The child didn’t respond, but went over to a dresser and opened it. Once she got what she wanted, she exited her room.

A few seconds went by before Aura finally could make out a shadow, hearing them open various compartments and even a door.

“If someone’s in here, they will regret ever entering.” They continued opening more things. “Perhaps it’s just my paranoia, but something feels wrong.”

Aura’s nerves were in shambles. Did she disturb something when she came in? No… if he’s paranoid like her, situations that are off are easier to notice.

She didn’t want to reveal herself after her realization but she nevertheless needed to know if they knew anything.

“Um… sorry to intrude, but yes, I’m here.”

A lengthy pause before they responded in a baffled yet hushed tone. “Am I going senile or did I hear a response that did not come from the child?”

Did... no one else speak to them? That’s somewhat sad.

“No, you received a response.”

Their shadow moved from one side of the room to the other.

“Where are you?” They sounded mildly irritated.

“I believe we both know I’m in hiding. If I have your word that you won’t harm me, I will show myself.”

Another extended pause, one she wasn’t sure she would even get a response to.

“All right, deal. Though I want you to show your hands first. No tricks.”

That was fair. “Of course.”

The dweller wasn’t assured the bed would be much of a barrier between them both but having something to separate them might ease both of their nerves.

On the opposing side, she gradually extended her hands out of the shadows to where they’d be able to see them. Taking an unneeded deep breath of air, she slipped out of her hiding place, becoming visible to the world. She still held her hands above her head as a good sign of faith, even when done leaving her safe haven. Now in view, bright blue eyes took in the sight of the one she had been searching for, who happened to be in a defensive stance. Aura was shocked, not expecting their appearance.

Their skin was pale blue, head resembling that of a mask in her opinion, a point resembling a crescent extending from the right side of their skull. Contrasting with their primary skin tone was a secondary one, being orange marks. These marks protruded from their eyes and mouth on both sides of their face.

Their eyes were unique, shaded with blue and red on either side, yet deferred in design; The left eye reminded her of a hypno wheel while the right sported diamonds.

Clothing not appearing to fit into this time frame is what they wore; A large orange cloak with a yellow undershirt catching her attention primarily. To make things even fancier, they wore a monocle and a cravat on their being. As they shifted their arms did she notice cuffs around their wrists, chains attached.

If they were a ghost, she partially wanted a do-over at dying, feeling underwhelming in comparison.

Their arms began lowering, shocked at her presence. Maybe they weren’t used to other odd figures?

Believing they had ample time to take her in, she closed her eyes and bowed her head somewhat, addressing them as calmly as she could. “My apologies for disturbing you, I’ve been traveling hoping to find some help with a predicament. You see, I believe I’ve wound up far away from home and was wondering if you-”

“Aura?”

Eyes shooting open, she stared at the other magic user. How did they know her moniker?

Now it was her turn to grow defensive. Lowering her arms, one moved to her chest as she inclined her head. “How do you know that name?”

They blinked several times as they registered her question. After a moment, they replied. “It’s… the name you went by, not wanting to be referred to as ‘the Mayor’s Daughter’ all the time.”

“You are correct, but how are you aware of it?”

They crossed their arms and tilted their own head. “Do you not recognize me, Lady Aura?”

She remembered most of the people she’s interacted with in life but this specter wasn’t ringing any bells.

“I’m afraid unless you’re a dweller, I cannot exactly identify you.”

They stared at her for a minute more before saying something that threw her for a loop, smiling and bowing. “You really know how to wound your dear ol’ Princy, don’t you Lady Aura?”

Wait… what!?

She stared at him for the longest time, so long in fact, he finished righting himself after many moments, shooting her a worried glance.

He can’t be… there’s. Yes, he looks similar, but Snatcher… what!?

The teal ghost apprehensively made her approach to him, still attempting to process this new bit of information. Was it possible, him the Prince as well?

Standing before him, Aura looked him over once more. “Not that I don’t believe you per se but do you mind if I… check?”

He blinked a couple of times, confused. “I… suppose so?”

Reaching in between her ‘hair’ wraps, she took hold of her pendant, changing its form. Pulling it out, revealed to be a monocle of her own. It was similar to any ordinary one, but held bright flecks of light flowing through the glass.

Holding the glassware up to her eye, her grip grew tight, preparing to see this ghost in any form he could have taken in life. Much to her shock, the glass instantaneously showed her the image of her dear old friend, the Prince.

Sluggishly returning the monocle back to its original place, she changed it back to a necklace. The teal ghost didn’t know what to say at this reveal.

The blue ghost went to touch her but stopped short and positioned the hand to the back of his head, scratching it. “Did you learn what you needed to?”

A nod but nothing more.

“That’s good.” He too was at a loss of words. After a while, the lengthy silence started to become uncomfortable for him. “Well, I know we both have a lot of questions for each other. Um…”

“If you have something to ask, just do it. I don’t even know what to say right now over this.”

“Right.” He coughed before continuing. “If you don’t mind me asking… Did you at least have an enjoyable long life?”

She peered back up to him, unusually calm. “It depends on your definition and other standpoints. For a regular person or a dweller, I suppose I did. For my other bloodline, I barely even lived.”

He tilted his head and she could tell he didn’t want to be rude and ask his next immediate question.

“I died on my 21st birthday if that clears it up.”

The ghost’s eyes widened, clearly not expecting that.

“I... I’m sorry, Aura. I-“

“It’s fine, you didn’t know.”

“Well yes, but on your birthday..?” He glanced to the side, glaring daggers at nothing in particular, angry over the new tidbit. He looked back to her, sorrow evident in his features. “Really, I am sorry. It must have been hard to die so far away from home, even if you were gone on a trip.”

Aura paused, dread filling her. Oh... she had to break the news to him as well it seemed. “I had nearly forgotten Vanessa told everyone that.”

“... That wasn’t the situation?”

She almost didn’t want to tell him, it was both an embarrassment on her part and she dreads his thoughts of the matter. After much hesitation, her head shook no.

“Then, what happened?”

“... Queen Vanessa... kind of... banished me from the kingdom.”

His long silence and unemotional stare spiked her anxiety, afraid of what was to come.

“She banished you?”

A nod and she began to shake.

He ran a hand over his face, a burst of joyless laughter escaping his lips. She involuntarily flinched, not knowing what to make of it.

“She lied about the trip. Of course she did.” His false humor faded, noticing her discomfort. “You have me curious, you know of the lie yet were out of the kingdom, how is that?”

“I learned it from...” How would she describe this? It was such a peculiar subject that her mind had a terrible time wrapping around it, her hands moved on their own as she struggled to find the appropriate words. “... your other half?”

A twitch of his body. “How do you know of Snatcher?”

With all these questions her anxiety grew. She really needed to sit down. His energy set her on edge before, but now it made the nervous ghost want to bolt home even sooner. She didn’t want to take any chances for anything, especially if he lost it as Snatcher had when he found out this information.

“W-well... since the forest is where we all died, it’s hard to miss him.”

He stared at her for a moment before twisting away, floating towards the window. Once in front of it, he peered outside, covering his expression from her. Part of her craved to go over and comfort him but another urged her to stay where she was.

The teal ghost could feel her chest ache from the strain in his next words. “She killed you... didn’t she?”

“She did, yes.”

Her friend didn’t respond, silently staring outside once more.

Aura hesitantly floated to him, her concern outweighing her fear. Once beside him, she waited a moment before speaking to him in a soft nature. “Moon... can I call you that? Or is that just what the child calls you?”

She heard him discreetly clear his throat and paid it no mind, waiting for his response. “I go by Moonjumper now, though you may refer to me as Moon or anything you have prior.”

On instinct, she would like to go back to her old habits but felt guilty anytime she accidentally referred to Snatcher as “Princy”. He didn’t mind, but she didn’t want to bring up things that could hurt him, she certainly wouldn’t with Moonjumper either.

She decided to try this new name out. “Moonjumper...” Ok, it’ll take some getting used to. “This is a foolish question for me to ask, but... are you all right?"

Given his mood, Aura half expected a snarky response, though this specter was good at proving her wrong.

“No... I’m not.”

Hesitantly, she laid a hand against his arm. At the contact he recoiled, causing her to retract her hand as fast as lightning. 

“S-sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s fine. Just...” He quietly chuckled. “You were always concerned about being near me, it’s strange to have you willingly this close let alone touching me.”

The dweller gently poked him to test his claim. This time he didn’t flinch but a slight smile grew on his face.

“Satisfied?”

“Never.”

He snickered again, ceasing at her hand making full contact with his arm.

She was about to say something to him, but the door opening and closing startled both souls, affectively interrupting their conversation.

“Ok Moon, I’m all ready for-” The child paused, noticing not one, but two strange entities staring at her. “Bed…?”

Aura’s eyes darted around restlessly, unsure how to handle this.

Moonjumper stared at his little charge, unsure of how to address the situation. Julia beat him to the punch though, terribly excited.

“Moon, why didn’t you tell me you had another friend?”

“I… um…”

The small child ran over to the pair, shaking out of the excitement of meeting another unique character.

“Have you just been hiding them from me the whole time? Where’d they come from? Can they do all sorts of cool stuff like you?”

Julia threw out questions faster than the duo could process them and continued to do so. Aura wondered if the child even took a breath between rapid-firing them out.

She tilted back, eyes squinting at Moonjumper in question. He shrugged and held a hand up to the child.

“Young one.”

She stopped rambling but was still delighted.

“You must calm down, it’s time for rest.”

“Aw, but Moon.”

“No buts. You’ve been having trouble sleeping and don’t you dare try to deny it. Bed.”

The child pouted as she glanced between both ghosts, but obeyed. If it wasn’t so late, Aura was sure the child would stomp her feet as she made her way to the mattress. She angrily tucked herself in bed, staring at both of them, pout still present.

“Julia…”

She pouted further.

Aura chuckled, floating over to the girls bed and began tucking her in properly. Julia’s pout disappeared at this, taking in the strange ghost.

The large teal ghost carefully sat on the bed, blue eyes meeting green. “If you are having trouble sleeping, you should try to get enough rest while you can.” Her large hand ruffled the child’s orange locks. “I don’t know if I’ll be sticking around long enough, but I can tell you my name.” Glancing side to side, the large ghost leaned in like she was hiding a secret, whispering to the child. “My name is Aura.”

Julia blushed at the odd feeling of having her head messed with yet giggled at the ghost’s act of secrecy. She whispered back, “I’m Julia.”

“What a beautiful name.” She ruffled the girls head once more before straightening and removing her hand.

The child took notice of Aura beginning to leave her bed, darting out to grab her hand. The ghost paused, head tilting in question.

“Please stay.”

“Julia I-”

“Actually, Aura...” Her gaze shifted to Moonjumper. He was hesitating, glancing between both girls. “Would you mind staying with Julia for a while? I have something that demands my immediate attention.”

Aura felt like she knew what it was he would be leaving for but didn’t call him out on it, looking between him and the girl before nodding.

“All right.”

Julia silently cheered, kicking her feet in excitement.

“That doesn’t mean you get to stay up all night Julia.”

Her head nodded rapidly, just happy that Aura was staying with her longer.

Moonjumper’s eyes glanced between both girls, apprehension in his features. Before Aura could question the blue ghost, his form faded, leaving the two girls alone.

Unease began to settle in the ghost’s stomach but was drawn out of it because of the bouncing figure beside her. Never did she believe a child would be so excited to be near a ghost, especially as one such as herself, but here was one.

Taking a chance, she looked to the small child, fatigue and wonder shining behind those big green eyes.

“Have you known Moon for long?”

“In a sense, yes. In another, no.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well… before I died, I had known him personally for only a few short years. I’ve been dead for several hundred now and have not seen him until this moment. It depends on how you look at it.”

The child nodded before adding in her own thoughts. “I’ve only known him a while, short like you.” Her face scrunched up. “I… haven’t been keeping him from you, have I?”

Aura blinked in confusion, tilting her head to the side. “Dear, I doubt you’ve kept him away from me, especially this long, it’s nothing to fret about. Besides, with you keeping him company, I’m sure he’s been happy with the time you’ve spent together.”

“Yeah, but what about you?”

“I’ve been… fine.”

The being fine part applied to current years, but the beginning of her death? Not so much. She wasn’t about to tell a child of her violent beginnings of the afterlife though.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure. I’ve been… preoccupied with other matters and have recently come into contact with others I once knew.”

Nodding, Julia did her best to hold in a yawn but horribly failed. Aura smiled behind her mask, running a caring hand over the child’s head.

“If I’m here tomorrow, you can continue answering your questions. Rest is important.”

A soft whine escaped Julia. “But if you leave, I can’t ask anymore… need to ask... now.” Another yawn escaped the child, tears forming in her eyes from that one. “Besides… havin’ a tough time sleepin’.”

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“I’m afraid the boogeyman will come back…”

“Boogeyman?”

To the ghost’s surprise, the child somewhat curled in on herself. “A mean man who liked to scare me. Moon said he wouldn’t come back, but I always get this feeling that he’s there still, watching.”

Aura frowned, sensing the worry radiate off the child. Either this monster was real or a very detailed figment of her imagination. She’d have to ask Moonjumper about it if she stayed longer.

“Tell me, Julia, is there anything that makes you feel better?”

The child stayed silent for a while, eyes vacant as she stared at her legs.

“... I used to talk to the moon… it helped me a lot. Even more after Moon showed up from it one night.”

A clawed hand went to the chin of her mask, holding it in thought. Well, she’s not the moon nor is she Moonjumper. What could Aura provide that they could not? After a moment, an idea struck her.

“Julia. How do you feel about the stars?”

A slight frown graced the child’s face, her eyes filled with another question as she turned them upon the dweller.

“The stars?”

“Yes, the sun and moon may be pillars of the cycle of life, but the stars of the universe surround everything, accenting the beauty of the unknown. Not to mention, the stars certainly complement the moon at night, yes?”

The child somewhat understood where this was going, nodding lethargically. “The stars are pretty, just can’t see them that often…”

“How about this; If you promise to go to sleep, I’ll show you some stars before you do so.” The ghost hesitantly looked around then leaned in to whisper, “Just don’t tell Moonjumper about it ok? Don’t need him jealous.”

The child’s eyes widened, her excitement reignited. “Whoa really? Ok, I’ll go to sleep after then!”

Not even a second of thinking and the child already agreed, adolescents were certainly something else.

“All right, I’ll hold you to your word then, child.”

Holding a hand out, a golden ball began to form within Aura’s palm, gradually growing in size. Once the golden sphere reached the size of her hand, the ghost gracefully lifted it into the air, letting it float up to the ceiling. Julia watched, enamored with the beautiful glow, even more so as the ball burst into small spheres and diamonds with contact, the light particles spreading around the room.

The child’s eyes grew wide, sitting up in bed watching the descent of the fractals. Several froze in place at a certain height, twinkling like the stars in the night sky, others took several more moments before they stopped as well. Room filled with dazzling light, Julia could swear she was in her own little part of space.

“So cool…”

Smiling softly, Aura couldn’t help but agree.

With a flick of a finger, one light languidly drifted to her palm, twinkling in white and rainbow-ish hues. The action drew in the young one’s attention, scooting closer to the ghost to gain a better view.

“Don’t stare young one, you’ll injure your eyes.”

Registering the words, the child blinked several times before retreating and rubbing her exhausted eyes. She was still trying to fight sleep, but the light of Aura’s magic seemed to calm the child further. Julia slumped against the large ghost as her eyes struggled to stay awake.

Gently caressing the child’s head, Aura began softly humming a tune, seeing Julia relax further. Her eyes no longer struggled to stay open, now remaining shut for the night. To Aura’s surprise, the child still tried to interact with her.

“Miss… Aura…?”

“Yes, young one?

“Thank you… you’re so nice and cool… just like Moon… I hope you get to stay…” A yawn interrupted her as she snuggled closer to the ghost, laying an arm over Aura’s ‘lap’. "… and talk with him… he… smile… more…”

Aura didn’t know how to respond to the child even after she drifted to sleep, leaving the ghost to stare at her sleeping form.

Refocusing on the room after several minutes, with a wave of her hand, the magic particles broke apart, dissolving and returning the room to its natural state.

Returning her hand to her lap, her hands folded together as her gaze drifted to the window, eyes settling upon the moon.

Aura was unsure how long Moonjumper would be gone for but prayed that he would not do anything reckless. Of course, if he was anything like Snatcher, something might wound up happening, regardless. She just hopes he’d be safe.

Her anxiety ate away at her again as she recalled the uncomfortable feeling his magic had brought her before, looking down at Julia with worry. It was unknown why his magic had morphed the way it did, but her best guess would be similar as to why it did for Snatcher; Queen Vanessa. Aura hoped that this would not cause any issues for Julia in the foreseeable future.

Though faint, she could sense his magic once more; the hatred from his emotions wafting through her senses, causing her to shiver.

Thinking back to Julia’s words, should she leave? Perhaps she shouldn’t depart yet, even if she desired to return home. The dweller doubts Moonjumper would go as far as Vanessa with unwarranted murder, but something tells her that there’s more to this situation of his than meets the eye.

If she found his intentions to be unjust, Aura would have to take care of the specter with a heavy heart.

A hand unconsciously slipped beneath her wraps, grabbing hold of her birthright. “Ancestor… please give me strength if it ever comes to that…”

For the rest of the night, Aura remained unmoving, lost deep in thought.