#made myself sad with this one šŸ˜­
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that-one-loth-cat Ā· 1 year ago
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Thinking about stuff for my Knightwolf AU and oh man. The night after Marrok dies in ep 4 must have been rough for him and Shin.
But first, some background:
I my au, Marrok is under an enchantmentā€”a deal he made with Morgan shortly after joining her team. Part of this enchantment includes keeping him in a state of undeath (since that was a big thing with nightsisters) BUT! Every time he comes back he gets a little less corporeal. After he died the first time, signs of fading only just began to show. This life heā€™s still able to manipulate objects to an extent, but heā€™s see through and most of the time his body just moves through anything he isnā€™t wearing. He has the armor on full time because itā€™s easier to make it grab things than to try to hold on to them himself.
Heā€™ll be back, but itā€™s clear he doesnā€™t have a lot of lives left. He and Shin have figured out where Morgan keeps the crystal holding his enchantment but they canā€™t just break it because then heā€™d probably die completely. Theyā€™ve been looking for a way to break his enchantment and bring him fully back for 2 years, and theyā€™re not making much progress.
At the time of Ahsoka, Shin is trying so, so hard not to worry. Not to let Baylan or Morgan see how much his state is affecting her. And now he just died again. She thought they might have another year or two. Now it could be months, maybe weeks.
But theyā€™ll figure it out. They have to. Because if she thinks about it too long sheā€™s going to break down. And thatā€™s not going to happen. Not when sheā€™s fighting an angry Mandalorian and not when the person even kind of keeping her love alive has a job for her. That can happen later, when sheā€™s safe and in her own room (and he can be there and maybe hold her. oh force, will he still be able to hold her this time around? To touch anything?) And to top it all off?? Now the angry Mandalorian is coming with them, and Shin canā€™t even hurt her. Sheā€™s is having a great day šŸ™ƒ
Jump to like 11:30pm. Shinā€™s gotten Sabine where she needs to go and checked in with Baylan and basically is ready to go to bed for the night. She comes back to their room and it just hits her that heā€™s gone. Usually he comes back after a few hours but itā€™s almost midnight. She ends up on their bed, not crying, just in shock. Because she thinks she was wrong. He didnā€™t have enough life left to come back and now sheā€™s alone and they didnā€™t even get to say to say goodbye. But then she hears his voice. For one moment sheā€™s relieved, and then heā€™s apologizing that she canā€™t see him very well and heā€™ll see what he can do and somehow thatā€™s what breaks her. Heā€™s here but heā€™s also not and now they have no idea how much time they have left because how do you kill a shadow? (He could be here forever or he could be gone tomorrow) They end their day with her curled up on the bed, sobbing, and him wrapping whateverā€™s left of his essence around her, just as sad but still trying to offer comfort šŸ˜­
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fandom-space-princess Ā· 4 months ago
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(this never happened, and constructs cannot dream.)
Three thinks One might have liked to tell stories. It always had the best after-mission reports. It found ways to be subtly creative, dryly funny, right up to the limits of what was allowed. If it had been able, Three thinks it would have had a lot to say.
(you can't change the past. your ability to imagine a better one is constrained by your nature.)
Two was always very quiet, even when it didn't need to be. Three can believe that, given the chance, it might choose to do nothing but listen.
(they're gone, and you're here. you wonder what names you might have chosen for yourselves, if you had lived to be three in practice, instead of only you, Three, in name.)
you cannot dream of them. you cannot go back. but there is nothing stopping you now from remembering them as they might have liked to be remembered, and that will have to be enough.
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Three misses them :(
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kitnita Ā· 4 months ago
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ā˜… ā€” comments from jason robertson, nils lundkvist, matt murray, jake oettinger & matt duchene (+ britt wedgewood & jason's girlfriend) on scott wedgewood's goodbye post via instagram; july 28, 2024
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gen4grl Ā· 2 months ago
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you would think after all the yapping i do about these losers i would have a plethora of art uploaded ā€¦ noā€¦ so here is my first kantrio post lol
i did these over the last month while watching the olympic weightlifting and jamming to kpop (stan red velvet and kiss of life BTW!!!)
#pokemon#pkmn#trainer red#rival blue#trainer leaf#i made them classy and smoke from a joint idk maybe i should of done the classic aussie teen experience and make them smoke from a water#bottle bong šŸ¤© red is a massive foodie so ofc he has the multiple options of snacks ready lol my go-to fried food was a capriccosia pizza šŸ˜­#iā€™m always conflicted on the blue smoking hc (just cigarettes yall lol) i often see fanart of professor blue smoking and i see the vision#50/50??? let me ask the audience šŸ—£ļø i think iā€™m bias cause i am cursed with thinking men who smoke are extremely attractive lmao#there is 100% lore behind that second piece but i am so burnt out and i donā€™t think itā€™ll fit in tags lol#also just have a raging fear of sharing anything kantrio related LOL like raging projectile vomiting level anxiety#blue fears repeating the toxic cycles he grew up in but oops heā€™s doing exactly that in the second piece šŸ§#wowzers ā€¦ as kieran would say lol ā€¦ i love writing and thinking about blue and his emotional growth over those 3 years red was missing#but hey sometimes something hurts so badly it takes you back to that sad and scared child version of yourself right?#strength to me is like: red >>>>>>> leaf >> bluešŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø they technically both canonically beat blue in gamecanon so ā€¦ my girl is strong sorry#ainā€™t standing shy timid leaf in this house ā€¦#also - despite being acespec myself i didnā€™t know demi was under the ace umbrella! i think it suits red super well imo :p#pan aswell bc i donā€™t think he gaf šŸ˜­ also shout out to one of my fave pkmn artists kiriato šŸ«¶šŸ»šŸ¤§ i was going through such bad art block and#their work inspired all of these :3 i love their stuff sm espcially their comics šŸ„¹ i drew all of these using their brush sets too!!!#trainer blue#blue pokemon#red pokemon#leaf pokemon#pokemon art#pokemon fanart#pokemon frlg#trainer green#rival green#my art <3#kanto au
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whollyjoly Ā· 4 months ago
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@luztoyeweek 2024 day 1 - i'll be seeing you by billie holliday
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dazais-guardian-angel Ā· 5 months ago
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With today's entry, I was rather surprised and confused that Johnathan seemed to turn around so quickly from the absolute pit of despair he was in yesterday, having newfound determination and energy when he's seemingly been completely hopeless and inactive for weeks now (and for good reason). Not that I ever thought he'd completely given up, but there's definitely been a slow decline in how descriptive his journal entries have been to reflect his declining mental state (more robotic, less of his actual feelings about things), and today was a sharp contrast; it feels more like the early entries again. I thought, well, his mind is probably just so cracked at this point that he's looped all the way back around to being bold and energetic again, because by now he's desperate enough to throw caution to the wind: he either succeeds doing something extremely reckless to escape, or he fails and meets his end in a far better way than if he just waits for his fate by Dracula's hands.
...But having thought about it and reading other posts, I realized (probably stupidly obvious as it is) that his sudden change in mood probably has to do with what happened to the baby. Despite how scared he's been all this time, yesterday he didn't hesitate for a single second to try to save the baby once he realized from the previous incident what was happening, not thinking about his own life at all. And then he despaired when he couldn't save the child, the first time he's mentioned crying in the book at all, and then he had to witness the mother blaming him for her baby's death, and being killed herself for trying to rescue it. Now, the day after that horrific and heartbreaking failure, he's suddenly more determined than he's been in ages to escape. Maybe that was a turning point for Johnathan, and lit a fire under him... maybe he's clinging to the need to escape not just for himself and the people he loves anymore, but for the vain hope that he can put a stop to Dracula's schemes somehow once he gets out, because he doesn't want to let any more children die :' )
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spacespore Ā· 2 months ago
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HI TUMBLRR itā€™s me
#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm#im right#ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa#all like ā€˜dog tastes so good with riceā€™ and then he did other stuff too#but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know itā€™s not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like Iā€™ve lost all my respect for you now#anddd they were my only friend in the class so now Iā€™m stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean Iā€™ll still be nice to them#but I just donā€™t think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of#idk if Iā€™m overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad#but I never held it against them cause we were children#but now I feel like youā€™re old enough to know what youā€™re laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen#well . not really I mean it was good but Iā€™m allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and theyā€™re not bad I just donā€™t lik#them as much Lol#I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I havenā€™t made any good drawings recentlyšŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­BUT WAIT!#i have a comic Iā€™ll post in October weā€™ll see how far I am in it by thenā€¦#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like Iā€™ll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that soundā€¦ cause actually#for those of you who donā€™t know my story has ghosts in it#im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! weā€™ll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked#out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh itā€™s an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha#thatā€™s how Francis came to be#and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol
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fumifooms Ā· 21 days ago
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Just finished Fool Night vol 7 (chap 63) and clutching my head. Mayhaps I shall never be the same. Oh Mukuru Izumi the villain that you areā€¦ "Whatā€™s back teryas? Veer usses?" "Whatā€™s oxygen? Is it like air?" "Whatā€™s that? What are you holding?" "Do you think I can live happily one day?" Just shoot me mysterious masked guy itā€™ll hurt less idc anymore just do it. This is my csm Aki I feel the tragedy in my bones even more here
Itā€™s the cycle of revenge right, that goes on and on until thereā€™s no one left to avenge the last one murderedā€” And the thought that thereā€™d be no one that would remember or care or want or try to avenge Mukuru is the fucking saddest thing Iā€™ve ever heard.
Trying to be as vague as possible to avoid spoilers but man. Fool Night, the manga thatā€™ll make me cry over treesā€¦ Like so far Iā€™ve only cried once and it was during the first umm trees field scene right, because it was simply too fucking real yeah thatā€™d happen yeah, but my god. Theyā€™re not just trees theyā€™re lives and theyā€™re not just lives theyā€™re humans and more but does it matter and what are souls???? What are feelings????? What is communication?????? "Oh sure Iā€™ll bring you to Shiika." then that. evil.
ā€¦ā€¦.. And also today I started NegaPosi Angler!!! Great and comfy so far very looking forward to watching it every week. For anyone who didnā€™t know yet I have a weird ultra fixation on fishing in media in general, Tsuritama and River King are two of my fave things, sooo this is perfect for me lol, came around just at the right time too. Big recommend. Surprisingly topical since both NegaPosi and Fool Night deal with poverty hm. Itā€™s csm Denji meets FN Toshiro except this guy fixes his life through fishing. Bless.
2 works that make me say "I want to live!!" in very different ways! šŸ˜€ Fool Nightā€™s out in english through Viz what are you doing here go check it out
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#Fool night#kasumi yasuda#A renewed sense of gratitude for the education system flawed as it may be#Iā€™LL FORGIVE YOUUU MUKURU Iā€™LL FORGIVE YOUUUUUā€¦ā€¦ šŸ˜­šŸ˜­#Apparently Viz isnā€™t doing a greaaat jobā€¦ā€¦ thankfully the french manga translation industry is on my side so#Holding my head and staring at the floor for 2 mins#If the world moves on from Mukuruā€™s death just reset it actually just make a do-over just blow it up tbh#I want to make fanartā€¦ā€¦.. iā€™mā€¦ā€¦ā€¦.. mukuruā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ and SHIIKAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA#Thatā€™s bacterias and viruses btw idk how clear that was lmao. I tried bc again i read that in french so the mispellings were different#-remembers it again- aughhhaughhhhhhh punching the floorā€¦ā€¦#Like the protagonists dying would be less sad than Mukuru dying and that stopping there tbh not even joking. Iā€™m?????? I need a hot sec#No one left to avenge Mukuru :((((((#That doctor lady btw i stan in my heart Mukuru Shiika and doctor lady are living together surviving trudging along#Like I canā€™t overstate how much this hit I took like 2 mins to recover from every other page and pace myself if this was some episode#that I wouldnā€™t have put on pause Iā€™d have been a sobbing mess on the floor prob ngl#Iā€™ve been on an horror binge since last month and Iā€™ve watched stuff like The Coffee Table or The Devilā€™s Bath and even Speak No Evil right#ā€¦ ok well maybe not more intense than speak no evil but this made me way more emotional than the coffee table tbh#Like my god. I need to breathe šŸš¬#The candies. The snow. Life :(#Cw organs
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strangerhands Ā· 8 months ago
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mmmmm heyyyšŸ‘ļø. ive basically been gone from tumblr for over two days because ive been feeling like a shitty piece of shit. BUT. i finally saw dune part 2 and ohmygoddddd it was so so good. but yes. i was missing leto so bad the entire time. Father come back pls. i need you.
#it was so good tho#like so cool i was internally freaking out about how cool things looked#the fight scenesšŸ¤Œ#the environments/settingsšŸ¤Œ#all of the fuckin machineryšŸ¤Œ#the actingšŸ¤Œ#the everythingšŸ¤Œ#yum#also i dont find austin butler attractive but funnily enough feyd was the only time ive found him hotšŸ˜­ yes i have issues. but like. okayyy..#i watched it alone and i wish doing things alone wasnt seen as such a weird or sad thing like. theres nothing wrong with it#sorta vent->#but basically ive been feeling like an annoying piece of shit so ive been staying off of here for the most part#because ive been convincing myself no one likes me and everyone in my life would be better off without mešŸ˜šŸ˜#just tee bee ehch#and idk i was just feeling like ass and was doing nothing and when i finally would go to use tumblr i was already too tired to do shit#so i just went to sleep#and i was busy today#yesterday*#and ill probably be a bit busy today too but idk maybe hopefully ill catch up a bit#idk ya boys just been hating himself like usual but not as usual bc it was worse but it is what it is#i felt a bit better yesterday though#and also my new antidepressants ive been on havent been doing shit for me so im going back to a previous one i used to be on so yea#hopefully that helps soonish idk#i never vent on here so i feel kinda bad for doing so but i just wanted to puke my thoughts here#also since im already here complaining ive just like. not written at allllllll basically like i got into my head and made myself discouraged#so. that sucks. but also nothing out of the ordinary there#why does Everything i say sound so embarrassingly depressing and pathetic hhhhhhhgggggggggggggghhhghghg#anyways yea i was doing bad im still not doing good but hopefully will be a bit better so ill be back and caught up later today or tomorrow#idk if anyone gave a fuck or noticed but i just like complaining into the void so yea#talkin shit
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daz4i Ā· 1 month ago
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i literally can't think about life or the future for more than a few seconds without getting so distressed that i shut down. surely this is a good sign for things to come
#true about any aspect of those. personal life. local politics. world disasters etc#i can't focus on one and approach it first bc even that's already too much for me#i was genuinely truly literally not made to be alive. i am not built for this. i shouldn't have survived this long#i feel like an error in the book of fate. like i accidentally dodged the grim reaper for too long#there is too much of me inside my brain. if that makes sense. i am long overdue. etc etc#what is that even called is it still depression at this point šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­ it's like a whole new thing fr#seriously tho how the fuck does one even get over it. being in a state of mind like that means no therapist would even try working with me#(bc well if i don't think i should be alive how am i supposed to work to get better. esp when i don't see any reason to)#(kinda like a festering wound in a body part that should've been cut off ages ago)#everything feels pointless bc of how shitty the future will be no matter what. like there is truly no hope at all#this isn't pessimism it's just facts. there is no good ending here no matter what. unless you overhaul reality completely#vent#:/ i should probably try to sleep but i'm doing really bad#idk if i'll have nightmares or just a very sad dream like i had last night. i don't seem to have much else going on there in my brain#negative //#sorryyyyyy#i'd ask for help but idk what help to even ask for. what anyone could even offer. like there is no solution or a way to forget it#best i can do is distract myself all the time but that's really hard to do when a lot of what i have going on makes me feel bad too#. rambling in nonsensical ways atp sorry. brain is being mean and stupid
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running-in-the-dark Ā· 4 months ago
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feeling real lonely lately, ngl
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weezerlvr228 Ā· 2 months ago
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flippin boobahs!
#weezer#rivers cuomo#brian bell#patrick wilson#scott shriner#OKAH HI CHAT#iā€™ve been thinking#this tag will be just a rant not really weezer related#yk laufey ?#i was listening to her song ā€˜letter to my 13 year old selfā€™ and just started overthinking about myself when i was younger#i just think about my younger self and get so sad thinking about her; i wish i couldā€™ve done more for her#i was a huge introvert and talking to anybody made me super super anxious; so much so that my teacher noticed and had me join a ā€˜social#emotional learningā€™ group where we spoke about low self esteem and how to raise it and everything like that#i only left it in 8th grade because i didnā€™t wanna keep missing class for it; but it made me so sad to think i thought so low of myself#i would wear hoodies all the time and jeans because i used to hate my body a lot#which is awful to do in socal heat!#i think it started because in my family i was always stereotyped as the fat one; yk how mexican families are? they called me gordita for#the longest time; which made me incredibly insecure and only in 10th grade did i start showing my arms šŸ˜­ IK ITS DUMB BUT ITS SO WEIRD#i still canā€™t do it entirely; iā€™ll wear shrugs and things like that because i still am insecure about my arms sometimes but ive been better#i only really had one friend but she had a different lunch; so i was alone for most of the time on the swings by myself or sitting at the#lunch tables alone waiting for lunch to end and this noon duty came to me a lot and would talk to me since she felt bad i was always alone#while everybody else played with each other ; and i donā€™t know why i just broke down thinking about how lonely i was at the time#iā€™d go to the schoolā€™s friendship room everyday after that because it was just a teacher who let kids come inside her room to play games if#they didnā€™t wanna be in the heat and soon i became friends w the teacher and sheā€™d play uno with me everyday; mainly because the room was#relatively empty until they got loom bands! and i was an expert on loom bracelets so i would help others make them and that was a confidenc#e boost; i remember being proud of myself for socializing like that LOL#i just get sad thinking about that time; i like to think that if little Lyss saw me; she would be so proud because i have friends;#a boyfriend ; good grades ; and iā€™m well liked and regarded. i hope sheā€™s proud of my progress socially because it was such a leap#i wish i could go back in time and tell her how much better things get and how she wonā€™t be lonely forever#ā€¦and to not online date. definetly donā€™t do that one.
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hood-ex Ā· 11 months ago
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Do you ever just cry about Leonardo? Because I'm crying about Leonardo.
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stolen-ass-name Ā· 1 year ago
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*Guy that has two (2) D&D related interests only voice* Haha Dungeon Meshi x Baldur's Gate 3 crossover when?
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vulpixelates Ā· 7 months ago
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trying to find a balance between "module that's easy to understand and follow bc i am terrified of DMing and might cry" and "module that's not boring af especcially in the first adventure bc that might be as far as i manage to get through before losing my mind and i at least want my forever DM to have fun as a player for once" is killing me lmao
#apiewofoaiwjefaoijfew#i REALLY do not think she will find the beginning of waterdeep dragon heist compelling unless i make changes but like aoeifja#i'm so overwhelmed by the idea of making changes#i just want something i can follow from start to finish so i can MAYBE learn that DMing isn't as terrifying as i think it is šŸ˜­šŸ˜­#trying to desperately not to talk myself out of this lmao#uuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#she also suggested the lost mines module bc it's meant for newbies but i'm just like OIFJAEOWIFAOWIJEF#she doesn't even really use goblins in her own games she's not going to find this beginning part interesting at all šŸ˜­šŸ˜­#and i'm so nervous about any other modules bc it's just going to be her playing + an npc i'm controlling who is a fighter but like aofeijao#they still might get crushed even if i have her start at like level 3 for a level 1 adventure. i have no idea how any of this works anymore#idk OIFJAOEWIFAE the last time i tried to run stuff it was all homebrew and i was so fucking bad at it#i feel like everything i did made everyone miserable lmao#any time i tried to like just go w the flow it didn't work#esp bc i get so anxious about it aofiejaoijfwe#i am so not cut out for this but my wife literally never gets an opportunity to play and she has DM'd me almost every single day for like#five to six years now faoewijfaoiwjef she deserves a chance to play and has been really sad about not having one in the past#so i have to try at least#*dykeposting
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girlthativealwaysbeen Ā· 7 months ago
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my sister called me and kept asking excitedly that what's happening in my life and
#like life as in. i can't say love life but like you know what's happening with the guys and the girls#girl#and i was so tired#am so tired#i just made up an excuse that im too physically tired too talk to cut the call and told her id call her back but i won't#i want to okay i really do I want to hear about her life what's going on but she's not that type of person jinke saamne#i can just divert the topic from myself avoid talking about me she's determined and caring like thatšŸ˜­#just. kya batau main#i spent the whole day working but really if i stopped doing anything for like 2 minutes all the last convos i had with everyone i#liked loved whatever started replaying in my head constantly making me feel all down and sad in public yk that empty heaviness inside chest#i mean. what is there to say. i feel truly pathetic#everyone just keeps leaving me. they decide one day that oh nope she's not for me not interesting anymore doesn't understand is too much#draining and destroys my peace and then they leave#it doesn't even matter the weight of the relationship#whether it's been a year of being in love or two weeks of talking till 5 am or a week of wishing me good morning and good night#every day. it doesn't matter they leave and they leave and they leave and they don't look back and im left to pick up the pieces go on#pretend to be okay and normal and fucking focused on like. studying accounts as if my heart isn't breaking#into a million tiny pieces everytime#i don't know how to tell her. the sister you love so much the sister you can't live without imagine life without. the#sister who you thought about holding on for because you couldn't do that to her leave her alone when you had suicidal thoughts. she's#she's actually deeply unlovable undateable unfuckable and like truly lonely and easy to let go of#i know she loves me and i know my bestfriend loves me and she would fall apart if i wasn't there for her#but it's not enough. i really wish it was. but it's okay it's enough for now it's enough to keep me going it's enough to make me not wanna#die yk? like i don't love myself enough to live for myself get better for myself but they need me so i need to be okay be happy because i#need them to be happy. and they're happy when im happy#does that make sense#okay bye i should really start writing a diary
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