#mad im really mad and im in pain and it suck and i cant fucking sleep

[parapsychoiogy]

having Quite a difficult time coping with the agonies (physical pain in the same fucking leg that has been bothering me since i was 9 years old and also left untreated until hopefully next month)

[sensivs]

EDGING THE HOMIES 🤭

Short stories on how I think how cod men would react to being overstimulated !!

Gaz, Price, Ghost, König, Soap

—————————————-

GAZ

“o-oH fuCk~” gaz moaned out loudly, he was trying his best to keep his voice down since price was right next door and knew that if price woke up from gaz’s loud moans, he’d make it everyone’s problem.

You held his dick in your hands, jerking it as slowly as you could, driving kyle over the edge. He couldn’t take it anymore.

“C-cumming!!!” He whispered as loud as he could, but just as he was about to cum. You let go of his dick.

Gaz whined, tears spilling out of his eyes, he wanted to cum so bad but you wouldn’t let him. “Pleaseeee babe, please just let me cum please I’ll never tease you ever again just please let me cum”

He continued to whine until you had the change of heart and started jerking him off once again. The room filled with “ah~” ‘s and “fuck~” ‘s until gaz finally came into your hand.

You both then cuddled:)

PRICE

“Fuck, you can’t do this to me sweetheart” price let out breathy moans, just wanting to feel the sweet release of cumming.

You chuckled, “your cute when your not bossing people around, I wish I could keep you like this forever”.

Price through his head back, just wanting to feel anything other than overstimulation, either it would be pain or the feeling of finally being able to cum.

You had put a vibrator on your husband’s dick and tied his hands to his back, restraining him from trying to get himself to cum.

He begged you to take the vibrator off, the faint “zzzzzzzzz” sound was driving him absolutely mad. “Just a few more minutes”.

You guys then went on to have very rough sex ;)

GHOST

“Y/n you fucking idiot, aH~! I need to fucking cum!!” Ghost was currently have his dick sucked by you. The feeling of your mouth around his cock felt so good.

But you wouldn’t let him cum, why? Because you two were on a serious mission and you knew that ghost was VERY loud when it came to orgasms.

You continued to suck the poor man off until his mask was wet with tears and sweat. He couldn’t take it anymore, he absolutely NEEDED to cum.

After the mission he proceeded to give you the most worst punishment in the whole wide world..

NO SEX FOR A WEEK (obviously he broke his own rule cuz you’re just so unrinstable) 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

KÖNIG

There König was, moaning his fucking ass off. He was so loud you worried that your neighbors would not be able to get any sleep that night.

But this was your idea, so you had to stick with it. You bounced on top of König like his dick was the last you’d ever have.

“anG~! CaNt taKe muCh mOre!!” König screamed as he tried jerking his hips up more, trying to get himself to cum.

But then just as he was about to cum, you pulled him out. You then heard little sniffles coming from in front of you.

You looked up to see it was König crying :(. You freaked out a bit and tried comforting him the best you could, you consoled him, you gave him kisses on the cheek and forehead.

Turns out he was really looking forward to cumming inside you:(((.

So you let him cum inside you and then you two cuddled <3333

SOAP (OMFG I MISSED SOAP IM SO SORRY MALE SOAP LOVERS)

“Y/n! This is way too risky!” Soap whispered as he tried to hold back a groan, “it’s fine, plus, it’s just a little risk~”.

You teased the tip of soap’s cock, rubbing your thumb across the slit. Soap let out a small “oh fuck~” as he quickly covered his mouth.

Ghost was sleeping peacefully a foot across from both of you, his loud dad snores being the only thing heard inside their tent.

You felt soap’s cock twitch in your hand, you knew his release was coming but you decided to be a dick and directly put your thumb over his tip.

“What the fuck y/n! I was about to cum!!” Soap whined as silently as he could, “haha, I know~ that’s why I did it”

After a few minutes you let him cum.

He then fucked you as hard as he could, making sure you kept quiet while he was doing so >;) !!

———————————

I hope this wasn’t too shitty

Some of this I wrote when I sleepy and I barely proofread anything i make so..

Yea i hoped you all liked it:)))

IM SO SORRY JDJDKANSD I DIDNT REALIZE I FORGOT MY SOAPY POOKIE BEAR PLS DONT BE MAD AT ME SOAP FANS

[pinkgy]

Hello, a new writing blog with great writing!

How about some NSFW headcanons for the paradise lost demons (whb)? I'm not sure if you write for them since the request rules don't really specify it, so feel free to just ignore this if you don't.

Have a nice day!

Hi Anon !

Yes, I do write for every character from every of the fandoms listed in my request post.

I’m sorry if my headcanons might lack a bit of accuracy or are not as specific as the ones I wrote for the kings, we don’t know much yet about the Paradise lost demons so I’m writing this based of on my opinion, some investigation and the little content we’ve seen in the game so far about them.

Hope you like it and thank you so much for your request♡

𝗪𝗛𝗕 !

𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗘 𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗧

𝗡𝗦𝗙𝗪 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗖𝗔𝗡𝗢𝗡𝗦

GN!Reader + Reader has a pussy + Slight mentions of She/Her pronouns in Buer’s.

𝗖𝗪: Overstimulation, Edging, Dacryphilia, Shibari, Toys (Vibrators), Praising, Degradation, Blowjobs, Handjobs, Lingerie, Somnophilia.

𝗟𝗨𝗖𝗜𝗙𝗘𝗥

⇒ He's a Top without a doubt, there's no debating in this, he would get mad at you if you dared to suggest the idea of him being a sub.

⇒ Lucifer is actually pretty sweet, yes, he does a lot of questionable things while "pleasuring you" but he never does anything that hurt you too much, you have a safe word and many other ways where you can communicate to him any discomfort you might have and he Iso gives the best aftercare.

⇒ He's into shibari, this mostly because this way he can have you all to his mercy so he can toy with you for hours until your face is covered in tears.

⇒ He's the worst when he overstimulates you or when he edges you, by doing that he forgets any kind of limits you have set for him, you can beg him to stop, he won't, the more you cry, the more he does it. If he is eating your pussy while he aggressively thrusts his fingers in and out and you are sobbing and telling him to stop, he is going to do it faster, harder and way for aggresively.

⇒ There's no such a thing as normal sex with him, he's into a lot of shit, one crazier than the other, and he's also pretty good at analyzing you and he can figure out pretty quickly the things you like, and Lucifer will also be into those things.

⇒ "You say that it's too much ? Well, this cunt tells me overwise, and those beautiful tears all over your face don't seem to be out of pain, so don't lie to me and give me one more

𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗕𝗔𝗦

⇒ Marbas confuses me, he technically cant be freed from his restraints without Lucifers permission because his libido and violence are to dangerous for EVERYONE, but for the sake of this headcanon, lets say that he's not that bad when he's free. (ill include some headcanons where he's tied up tho, thats literally his kink)

⇒ Marbas is a Top, the fact that he's into being tied up does not means he subs, he definitely doesn't.

⇒ He would tie you up if you begged enough or as a punishment, but you better appreciate it, it doesn’t happen as often as you’d think.

⇒ He loves when you use toys on him while hes tied up, specially those wired bullet vibrators, he's soooo into being defenseless in front of you.

⇒ When he's tied up he loves being overstimulated, suck his dick nonstop or furiously rub it it up and down or play with his dick head, the sight of your face covered in his cum makes him go crazy.

⇒ But in spite of this headcanons, he tops, a l w a y s, you can have him tied up and ruining him with a bunch of bullet vibrators attached to his dick, he's dominating you somehow.

⇒ "Do i look that weak to you ? speed up that vibrator right fucking now or else im not fucking you"

𝗠𝗢𝗥𝗔𝗫

⇒ I don’t know why, but he gives switch vibes, but is leaning towards subbing.

⇒ Morax likes to be taken care of but not to the point of being a pillow prince.

⇒ Omg praise him please, he’ll become the whiniest boy out there, tell him how beautiful he is when he cums or how cute his moans are.

⇒ He’ll do anything for you, if you want him to completely submit to you, he will, and if you want him to fuck you senseless and completely rail you, he will, Morax is the definition of being into what you’re into.

⇒ As his kink says, he’s into body modifications, if you have one, he’ll go crazy, and if you don’t, that’s fine for him. But if you wanted to get one, even if it’s temporary, just to please him, you’ll drive him crazy, not because of the modification, but because of the intention.

⇒ “Just tell me, whatever you want me to do, just tell me, I’m yours, every part of me is your property, I’m here to please you and only you”

𝗕𝗨𝗘𝗥

⇒ He’s neither a dom nor a sub, but he’s not a switch, he just likes to feel good and likes to make you feel good, but he tends to get a bit dominant sometimes.

⇒ Wear fluffy lingerie, bonus points if it’s animal themed. (I don’t see him being into pet play tho, but who knows)

⇒ Buer is a box full of surprises, you never know his next move, he can be kissing you in the most romantic way possible, and then suddenly he’s spitting in your mouth.

⇒ Buer has something that makes me believe that he’s into somnophilia, but receiving it, he likes to challenge you to make him cum without waking him up, and the feeling of having his pants wet with his cum makes him go crazy.

⇒ He would love a pillow princess, to just please her and only her for hours, that’s a big fantasy of his.

⇒ “We have all the time in the world, so for this night and every night you want, so let me be the one that makes you feel the best you’ve ever felt”

[sadisthetic]

alarmingly long hanahaki au jaya. i hurt jay quite a bit in this. this is a product of 4 straight days of insanity. im SO ILL. ABOUT JAYA. IF YOU MAKE IT TO THE END OF THIS. I COMMEND YOU. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME IN ADVANCE.

once again adapted from a twitter thread. its. like 165 tweets long. yeah. yeah. im lazy so its gonna be mostly copy pasted and lightly edited so if it sounds like im talking to myself I WAS. AND I WAS DOING IT FOR FOUR DAYS. 

anyways heres the start.

-

so hanahaki.... jaya.... season 3...... jay is absolutely the guy who gets hanahaki theres absolutely no doubt about that like absolutely none. but the world building tho... how should i handle it.... i want it to be canon compliantish. and more importantly. when should i give him symptoms. what would be most interesting

sure. i could give him hanahaki after he find out about nyas perfect match. but haha

what if he get petals earlier tho.

he doesnt understand why at first, why jay starts coughing up petals, he and nya are dating and in love. there shouldnt be any reason for it. its not bad yet so he just ignores it really hard or thinks he mustve gotten a weird strain because theres now way he has normal hanahaki because theres No Way! haha

so when he hears the truth there in his parents trailer, the roots around his lungs constrict and he cant tell the pain apart from his heart breaking in two. his chest hurts so much and he sees cole and just goes ballistic

just imagine. what thats like for him. hes mad but its a secondary response to the heartbreak. hes had signs literally inside all along but to actually find out? like this? jay cant take it

haha. the double date would suck so much HAHA. he holds it in through the whole duration of the movie but when its over he vomits full flowers in the bathroom

ive been mulling over the worldbuilding of hanahaki in this au of mine. i thinking i want it to be a departure from the standard hanahaki worldbuilding thats in fics. just slightly. mostly regarding the fatality and maybe treatments........ i think i want jay to have hanahaki the whole time until skybound. and so i think im gonna have to make hanahaki nonlethal. but kinda like chronic pain. if you cant let go of that love

im partially adopting another fics worldbuilding but i like the idea you can recover on your own if you simply fall out of love. its easier and less damaging the earlier you give up on the love. the roots atrophy and fade and theres not that much scarring. you can easily recover

but you know...... its jay. hes not gonna let it go. he cant. he loves nya.... i think he hides his affliction tho... because he knows nya doesnt want to get back together. and he doesnt want to look you know.... pathetic? desperate? overly clingy?

“you still hasnt gotten over nya?” “dude come on.” “give it up.” he doesnt want to hear it from the others. because he doesnt want to. 

but also he wants to save face in front of nya. hes scared itll drive her even further away. his heart cant take more of that. this distance hurts enough

so for months.............. he suffers the pain of one sided love. quietly. pretending that nothing is wrong and that jay is okay with them just being friends. of course jay could choose to surgically remove the hanahaki.... but he doesnt want to do that

i think im gonna keep a bit of the amnesia worldbuilding standard fics have. but im not gonna have it so that artificially removing the hanahaki makes you forget the person you love. no.... just the love that you felt. i think jay doesnt want to lose his love for nya..... also not being able to fall in love with nya scares him. hes just that fucking attached to her. he has it bad man. dude has attachment issues. hes so clingy. 

anyways. jay chooses to suffer. because hes that badly in love

jay self medicates on over the counter cough suppressants thats meant for the cold and more normal sickness. works surprisingly well. not ideal tho. he also fills his pockets with cough drops and sometimes makes himself sick when he accidentally eats too much on bad days

he gets sick of them. the sweet icky taste and menthol nausea but he doesnt have that many better ways to deal. its just a temporary fix too. considering that coughing is his body's natural way to get rid of the petals. and hes just letting them sit in his lungs

periodically he has to stay hunched over a trashcan to clear out the petals and yes its an awful experience every time. it becomes routine. the petals scratch his throat on the way out and he gets into tea to soothe the irritation. he becomes a regular at mistake's

in general, his ability to breathe starts to decline and he gets winded so much more easily. the plants in his chest limit his airflow and also steals the oxygen from his lungs. his chest is tight always and aches like theres thick needles lodged in his chest. those are the roots

usually its manageable. but it becomes harder to fight. battles usually end up leaving him wheezing. one of the guys teases him about it. that hes slacking and getting out of shape. he sidesteps that convo tho and brushes them off. he certainly cant be honest

im a sadist so im gonna making him pass out after one fairly vigorous battle. one which he has to push himself harder to make it out alive. so hard that his lungs cant keep up with the rest of his body and even when he gets himself to a safe corner or clearing, no amount of breaths is enough and he just blacks out. he eventually comes to a worried face shaking him awake. ill figure out who and when this is set later. either way they just assume jay got knocked out even though they cant find any wounds. theyre relieved he seems fine

but that was very bad. super duper bad for jay tho. he cant let that happen again. but these kinds of things are out of his control tho. but he just has to deal.

things comes to a head in skybound. i think itll be most dramatic if nya finds out in the lighthouse. after she rescues them and they successfully flee. when they settle and in moment jay cant hide he coughs out a gross mass of petals

and nya has a slow step by step realization of the implications. but before all that happens tho. nadakhan. i dont think he knew jay had hanahaki when he first targeted him. maybe. this point might change

but as it is, for the thought i have, nadakhan learns when jays meds wears off, and hes not even able to pop in a cough drop his mouth. and he vomits a messy slurry of petals onto the wooden floorboards of the deck. its EXTREMELY FUNNY to nadakhan, he mocks jay for it! he has hanahaki! that is so tragic! to think jay has known his love was utterly unrequited and yet he tried so hard to win her back. but it was all a hopeless, desperate, pathetic endeavor. so nya truly doesnt love jay, hm? so shes single and free for the taking. no hard feelings, then, when they marry

up on the ship, he coughs up so many flowers. he doesnt get enough sleep from the persistent coughing. and passes out multiple times, for a collection of reasons. from being knocked out, exhaustion, apnea, running out of breath after several matches of scrap n tap

i think it would be really sad and pathetic if there one incident where he chokes on a flower. and he cant cough it out and he thinks gonna die for reals. a pirate helps him out only to add insult to injury (and to torment him more to pull a wish out of him, hes better off alive than dead)

when hes rescued by his friends, theres no flowers around so none of his friends suspect. jay manages to keep the petals in his mouth, catching them behind his teeth, and swallows them back in. he coughs pretty bad but they all think he just got really sick. he looks awful after all

but thats of course only up until the lighthouse. ive been contemplating about how nya handles it all...... how she feels......... what is the most satisfying route here is much more trickier to figure out than just a fixit skybound au....... 

feelings are trickier and much more loaded........ the revelation certainly isnt going to be an easy thing for nya to swallow..... but lighthouse talk has so much potential....... jay might be honest for once..... because he has to be.... forced to be!

ngl lighthouse part of skybound has been super elevated in my head by favorite skybound fic so my perceptions of it and my own take on it for this au is probably going to be influenced by that. not in the sense im copying scenes but in the sense of like. oh yeah writer IS right, lighthouse ep TOTALLY has the massive potential for big feels and honesty. and revealing trauma/hurt feels. anyways. let me talk a bit about nya and the little dilemma i have.....

so like...... nyas part in the story is so tricky to handle.... because she entirely determines the ending of this story. much more so than in the original canon.....

because the crux of this story is the love between nya and jay... the lack of thereof from nya and the undying love from jay. hanahaki. unrequited love. the story is not just about jay making mistakes and being flawed as a person and being tested as a person and learning and growing his mistakes

in this au, the focus is specifically on his love for nya and how hes willing to hang onto it for so long despite how much it literally hurts him. love hurts. its barely even worth it. but to jay it is. this story is driven by his love. however how it ends all depends on nya.....

and heres the thing.... i know the way the "romance" in skybound was resolved was..... whats the word..... forced? it was insufficiently developed.... i cant recall the exact word i wanna use but it was just. tacked on. nyas change of heart kinda came out of nowhere....

nyas line in the lighthouse before she pushed jay through the portal is honestly inconsistent with her characterization that season up to the point. shes really didnt seem like she loved jay back at all. its entirely because the writers didnt write in those feelings

it takes a bit of creative thinking and interpretation to make jays and nyas get together at the end of the season work. you have to fill in the gaps of the romance yourself if you want it and want it to make sense and have it be satisfying

what i do for my fix it interpretation of canon is that nya didnt actually stop loving jay entirely in s3 breakup arc. instead i choose to think is that nyas desire for independence simply grew stronger enough to eclipse her love for jay

also i like to think nya liked jay more casually than he loves her so it was easier to break off their relationship. if youve seen my dream divorce ot3 slowburn get together break up get together fic (concept) (that only exactly two people know what im talking about). and also string of fate au. ESPECIALLY IN STRING OF FATE AU. then you know. my take on them. ANYWAYS.

the problem i have for this au is that i cant do that. i cant use that same interpretation to have them get together again. it doesnt work. because in this au.........nya really did fall out of love for jay. and having them get together again just like canon isnt.......satisfying

its tricky..... because to make nya fall in love with jay now after she learns he has hanahaki..... if im not careful ill be doing the same thing that the writers are doing. writing a careless romance solely because i want them to be together

and i DO want them to be together again.... but it requires a considerate approach if i really do want it. here..... the situation is this..... nya finds out jays has truly been in love with her for months STILL. and its bad enough he got hanahaki. i think she might feel uncomfortable about that. its unwanted love you know? being the object of someones desires still after you long broke up with them. she has moved on but jay hasnt? its super awkward for her...... but also...............

jay knows that. nya isnt stupid. she realizes that jay knows that and thats exactly why he kept it from her in the first place....... shes also uncomfortable because... jay is suffering because of her. she broke it off with him but its not like she doesnt care about jay 

no she still does. jay is still someone important to her. hes not just some ex. hes still a friend.... and her heart aches seeing jay suffer. her heart twists realizing that jay has been suffering this whole time on his own and she had no idea.

and it was out of consideration for her. its not entirely her fault jay has hanahaki..... but also she does feel a little bit responsible. sure jay messed up a lot recently and all of it is because he wanted to get back together with her and she doesnt like that.... but also..

learning about it put some things into perspective for her. like shes uncomfortable but jay has been hurt and is genuinely hurting still and she doesnt want to hurt him more and she wants to be gentle. so she starts thinking first. before she proceeds to deal with feelings

and so she starts really thinking about it. she was mad. she was mad jay kept so many secrets from them and endangered them all. and that he was STILL attached to her after all this time. shes still a little mad about that but also its subsiding a bit now....

if she really thinks about it.... jay had been respecting their break and her boundaries up until recently. in fact she only found out now, months later. jay actually did do a pretty good job of hiding those feelings. and not only that... his hanahaki.

that. she doesnt fucking understand how jay kept that a secret. ITS HANAHAKI. HOW DID HE HIDE IT FROM EVERYONE. ITS THE MOST VISIBLE DISEASE. maybe she did notice jay smothering a cough or clearing his throat every so often but to think it was hanahaki this entire time......

....when did it start even...? she can only assume that it was around their breakup. they eventually have a talk. a really important one that jay cant run away from. it takes a bit for jay to be fully honest and tell her that he started spitting petals when they were still together

she becomes mortified by that fact. and what that means. and she gains a bit of perspective of how the perfect match debacle looked from jays perspective. she really was.... a terrible girlfriend during all that huh.... to nya it felt like a clean break..... but to jay.... it left him pretty raw. 

it didnt hit nya until know how much jay was hurt by the breakup even without considering the hanahaki. jay still loves her despite her cheating on him and making him fight over her because she couldnt decide? it seems that jay doesnt even care about that. doesnt even think she was a terrible girlfriend at the end of their relationship when she very much was. something is deeply wrong with jay (he loves her too much). jay hadnt been the best...... he had been really selfish and self centered. esp with the whole wish thing

but she comes to a realization that she was being really self centered too. its unfair for her to criticize jay for that when the very beginning of it all was because of nyas own selfishness. its unfair for jay to break up over something so stupid like a match making machine

of course part of it was still on jay. he should have still let go. you cant have a relationship in which only one person is in love. but.... she couldve gone about it in a better way. a way that wouldnt have hurt jay so much at the very least

he has apologized for everything involving nadakhan and keeping secrets.... maybe taking on more blame than he should.... nya owes jay an apology too. so at the very least she gives him a proper one. for her own faults

but she doesnt know how to fix jays hanahaki tho...... and to be honest? neither does jay. he tells her this. despite everything he didnt want to force her to love him. he didnt want to guilt her back into a relationship. he didnt want her to give him her pity also

thats part of the reason why he kept it a secret. he wanted to *win* her back. make himself more appealing so that nya would love him again. jay was super misguided in his approach and didnt understand why exactly nya broke up with him in the first place

but thats what he wanted... nyas genuine love. (im ignoring a tiny chip of canon for this. or im considering it a moment of weakness (jays dismay when he learns he cant wish for love). creative interpretation is that seeing his future in the mirror made him too hopeful and a bit desperate) anyways. jay is a hopeless romantic. who is extremely lovelorn. also hes chronically ill like literally. cut him a little slack

anyways anyways. i dont want nya to just get back together with him right after finding out about his hanahaki. its bad romance. it wont taste good. it wont be genuine......... 

as it is...... of course theres multiple options................ but they arent all happy. and i do feel like. a story like this does need a happy ending..... it would be too sad if it remains unresolved. im just gonna talk about the ends that kinda suck first

most unsatisfying but technically still very plausible end: a standstill. nya cant do anything to help. she wants to but she cant return jays love. jay understands but decides keep living with the hanahaki. the two of them keep living in this awkward status quo, knowing.

eventually jays hanahaki gets too much for him to handle and he either dies or nya/the others take matters into their own hands and without his consent, send him to surgery bc hes dying. unethical maybe but they want him to live

its super awkward after that.... but things return to normal and they all forget about it except for nya, where it lays heavy in her mind forever. if he dies its just tragedy. i dont want this kinda of end

a potential good neutral end however can be one in which jay tries his best to simply move on. try to process his one sided love into something... different somehow. because he accepts that nya has fallen out of love with him. he has long accepted that.

but they talk........... and a lot happens (being pushed into the portal, the rest of skybound). and jay has a realization too. nya may not love him in the same way.... it doesnt mean she doesnt love him. she still cares deeply.....

she cares about him a lot as a friend. that love is still worth something. its..... its more than what jay thought nya felt about him. it honestly felt like their relationship get demoted all the way down back to acquaintances, at best coworkers. not technically. they were still friends. but jay felt a yawning distance between them after the break up. its one part nya distancing herself from jay after that whole disaster. its also another part jay keeping his distance so that nya doesnt learn about his hanahaki

whatever talk between them was either just ninja business, surface level casual conversations, or small talk. it was awkward but only when they dwelled on it... (and jay did dwell on it) but in the lighthouse they actually talk Talked about things... about them. and jay learns

nya sacrifices herself to save jay in the lighthouse and he realizes that he still matters to her. the everpresent tightness in his chest doesnt leave but it.... loosens. and he breathes easier for the first time in a while

he still wishes that nya and him could get together romantically. but something about his feelings changes. he feels less lovelorn somehow. his heart still yearns a little. but somehow he feels more okay. he hurts less

and once time turns back and jay and nya share this secret and finally properly reconcile after everything is done. the pain in his chest abates more and more as time goes on. hes not sure if hes exactly cured. but he can live without hurting now somehow

he learns how to live with his unrequited love. and more importantly he doesnt need his love to be requited anymore. because love is love you know? she doesnt love him romantically but she does still love him. and thats still good

they were always a little mismatched in their feelings for each other anyways. jay isnt settling for lesser. nyas love for him now is just different not less. and jay accepts that. and hes content that they managed to fix them. their relationship. hes okay and happy

his own feelings... he doesnt know if they changed themselves also like nyas has. he doesnt feel like his love has changed. but the nature of it mightve become more ambiguous. and it doesnt matter anyways. he loves nya and that will never change

hmmmm i think this became less of a neutral end and more just an unrequited good end. and accidentally poured so much aro juice into it oh my god? i had a good requited end thought up kinda also before this end i just talked about the end first bc i wanted to talk about requited end last

i kinda came to really like good unrequited end........ im still gonna talk about good requited end tho. i kinda want opinions about which end is narratively the best..... even though i only have a confident audience of two

i think requited end is a bit more dramatic..... nya really doesnt know what to do. she broke it off with jay. she wants to fix him. she really wishes he didnt get hanahaki for *her* of all people....

whats so great about her anyways that he would live like this for months on end be just ok with it. she thinks if she was in jays shoes she would long moved on. she doesnt get what is worth the pain and risk

either way she doesnt want to date him out of pity. she distinctly has a feeling that wouldnt actually fix anything. and probably jay doesnt want that too. but also she cant fabricate love

she feels suffocated by just the prospect and it reminds nya about why she dumped jay in the first place. this whole thing reminds nya why she dumped him. jays love was always too much for her. smothering. of course he gets hanahaki. why is she even surprised. if anyone would, its jay. she doesnt want to resent him for it though. hes hurting because of it. and he spared it from nya up to this point and she only found out because jay couldnt help it. who knows how much longer he wouldve kept this secret

but as is. she doesnt know what to do. so they stay in the lighthouse awkwardly together. they were honest with each other but now what? .....actually. curing hanahaki can come later. they gotta focus on saving their friends and all of ninjago first before they can deal with them

HHMMMMMMMM....... i think despite knowing about how much jay love her.... she doesnt really... Get It. HOW he loves her i mean. quantity vs quality. when they were first dating, to her it was really casual. in my mind jay was first attracted to nya shallowly too

but then he fell deeper. more genuinely. and that contributed to a greater discrepancy between their level of affection. nya for the most part has been believing that jays obsession with her is because hes just too clingy and attached. and like he is. but.... its like the product of the intensity of the emotion you know? his love for her manifested in jay in a way that put nya off a little. contributed to the reason why nya dumped him all those months ago.... having a heart to heart gave her some perspective on what it has been like for jay but

thats different from Understanding you know? comprehending... seeing the depth... anyways... so jay had been acting too chivalrous up to that point right? and then nya learns about jays hanahaki and chalks up his behavior to him overcompensating...... a symptom even

nya thinks its just jay trying his best to win her back. she doesnt really have that many reasons to think otherwise. its whats consistent. this all happened because jay wanted them to get together again. whatever, she has decided that shes going to forgive jay for all that, needless acts of chivalry included. even tho. she really doesnt like that. calls it a force of habit and puts it aside. for more Important Things like taking care of jay and taking nadakhan Down

but then they get found and theyre scrambling fast to prepare for the attack and counterattack. they manage to fall into a frantic but familiar routine of collaborative repairs and fixes and asides from jays incessant coughing reminding nya that things are pretty awful.... its nice

she doesnt get to feel that way for long tho. their haven is raided and their prep wasnt enough, theyre struggling, theres way too many pirates and its just the two of them against what feels like an army and theyre on the way to losing and nadakhan is nowhere to be found

they try to stick together to have each others backs but they get separated anyways and they start doing even worse. im changing up the action scene btw. nya manages sweep a bunch of pirates away but doubloon is one of the ones that could actually put up a fight

meanwhile jay isnt fairing very well and maybe worse because he was already injured and also his hanahaki makes it really hard. he fights for his breath trying to hold his own. he gets fucking smashed by dogshank through the floor onto the stairwell below. all the air is knocked from him

and he legitimately cant breathe for a solid moment. hes wheezing and he coughs hard enough to vomit. he doesnt have his breath back when he looks up and sees nya panicking at the sight of him and shes distracted and jay sees doubloon take an opening

jay doesnt even breathe when he instantly fires a lightning bolt from prone towards doubloon. and hes already up and sprinting to nyas side to fill her blindspot.

hes on the cusp of an asthma attack, he can feel it, but he doesnt have the time to worry about it (as if he had any control over it) his chest is tight and his breaths are too shallow and it hurts but he pushes through it to protect nya. hes slipping though

assaulted from all sides, between doubloon and dogshank and all the pirates, jay knows theyre going to lose. mostly because of him. hes dragging the two of them down and why did he ever think the two of them had the chance and why did he ever think that nadakhan would even come (hes not gonna this turned into a full divergence now) and even if he wasnt flagging hard now, he can feel it his chest that hes going to pass out if this goes on for any longer and leave nya to fend for himself and get them both captured and he cant let that happen.

nya is at her wits fucking end she can feel them losing too and nya refuses to think about how at this rate both of them are going down, but she wont let them. but, among the harsh clangs of weapons, the rush of floods, and the cracks of lightning at jays fingertips,

through all this discord, at this proximity she can hear jays struggled breaths and its the most terrifying sound in the world. then suddenly shes shoved to the side and hears a crash and a cry and when nya looks jays sliced through by doubloons sword

then something glows by her feet and nya realizes what jay did. he broke the teapot. clutching at his wound, jay gives nya a strained smile. he says "sorry" and kicks her in before she can object. before the portal closes she watches jay take a stand only to be subdued

she lands in the junkyard with a bad tumble. she just lies in the dust and dirt in shock. it happened too fast. jay sacrificed himself for her? jay risked himself even though he was the one who needed protecting and got himself hurt to pull that stunt.

and now hes in their clutches again. rage begins to well up. why! why?! why did jay do that?! is he stupid! there had to be a better way, they couldve escaped together and regrouped! tears begin to well up as well. nya gets up and smashes a bunch of junk

jays parents come out after that. and nya realizes where she is for the first time and forces herself to calm down. she sorts out her feelings over ednas soup after shes pulled into the trailer..... 

at first she doesnt get it. shes too upset to think about it. she vents to jays parents about what he did. "why did he do that?" and it was meant to be a rhetorical question for herself but edna gives her an answer thats way too simple.

"because he loves you." 

and nya is hit with another rude realization. shes been having too many of those

jay..... loves her. deeply. truly loves her genuinely, more than he cares about himself. its not just lingering attachment. its a deeper, more sincere love than nya could ever fathomed. nya knew how much jay loved her. but at the same time she didnt. she didnt get how he loved her

she feels a way about that. all this time jay loved her this bad? bad enough to catch hanahaki, bad enough to keep his hanahaki, bad enough to hide it. bad enough to *wish* for her love, to suffer, ang to get hurt for her...

she thinks he loves her bad enough to die for her. she really feels a way about that. her heart starts beating fast. she doesnt want to put together why. she kinda wants to cry.

why was she so mean to him... sometimes he deserved the little things he had coming but why was she so harsh. why did she fall out of love with him..... well she knows but also.... she was really unfair to him huh. jay wasnt perfect and he was too much but... she doesnt know.

all she knows is she feels a lot of regrets right now.. and moved by jay what did for her... along with this third unplaceable feeling. 

(she started falling in love again)

its a slow gradual thing tho. nya doesnt place it immediately. she doesnt think she wanted to after she broke up with him herself. didnt even think it was possible.

but eventually nya feels very embarrassed by it when she realizes. because 1) oh my god shes falling in love with him after falling out of love and dumping him? is she shameless? and also 2) flustered because shes For Reals in love this time now beyond the casual kind of love she held for him before. this realizaton doesnt happen anytime soon. probs a good amount of time after everything resolves

so for narrative purposes i swapped jays and nyas roles for this last part of the story only. i think its safe to say jay is not treated kindly when he reboards the ship. in fact i think theyre even crueler for letting nya get away. before he was just roughed up to play with him

a form of coercion to get him to make his last wish. this time theyre taking it out on jay as punishment. nya assembles a rescue party like jay does in canon and somehow rescues jay and she hates the state that she finds him hes in

i think he'll be easier to rescue than nya because hes not like.... nadakhans bride. but wait..... WAIT NO IT COULD HARDER BECAUSE THEY COULD SET HIM UP AS BAIT FOR NYA TO COME GET HIM.... FUCK CURSE MY WHUMP DRIVEN BRAIN!!!!!!!!!! ITLL BE SO MUCH HARDER TO GET HIM LIKE THIS BUT— 

THE IMAGE OF JAY BEING TIED/STRUNG UP IN PLAIN VIEW.... fuck. figuring it out is too hard and i dont even need to figure it out for the romance do i like goddammit. fucking sequencing..... maybe they get their friends out of the sword first.... somehow.

as for how they beat nadakhan..... i havent thought up a good way. i dont think it should go the same way as canon. i want nya to actually have her agency and not take it away again after ive given it to her. 

i however dont know what jays wish should be. thats like so hard to figure out. this end is a significance divergence from canon. oh also jay has been thoroughly gagged so he cant say his wish. and also maybe because the pirates got sick of his coughing. nadakhans goal for torturing jay has changed.

he doesnt want him to break and submit and wish himself away anymore. he has better use in making sure nya comes to him. well he can still break him. its extra motivation. an incentive for nya to be a bit more faster and careless in her desperation to save him. he just shuts jay up also.

also im a sadist. anyways back to defeating nadakhan.... its a little tough ngl! for me and for nya! because this story has diverged so considerably. it cant have the same climax as canon. it just doesnt work. not even when theyre roleswapped

nya cant make a wish. she doesnt have anymore wishes. or hmm maybe she does have one left like jay does in this timeline but i dunno.... technically i could do that bc nya used up her wishes in only stupid ways so its not that hard of a change. 

it changes their game plan in the lighthouse just a bit but in this version nadakhan doesnt even show up so story wise its a nonfactor. they both couldve made a wish and stopped things. but they dont get the chance to do that.

but either way nya having a wish is an option, not something thats set in stone. also i think nya gets a hold of the venom. either jay had passed it to her when he pushed her into the portal or it stayed on his person and was confiscated and nya obtained it because clancee told her about it. which ever works. man is jay doing rough in this au. hes suffering so many consequences....i think as hes bound and helpless, hes gonna have a lot of thoughts... and a lot of regrets

he wishes he never kept secrets, he wishes he didnt make things worse.... i think he wishes nya doesnt come and rescue him. because if she does and she gets captured and nadakhan marries her for infinite wishes then itll all be his fault. again. because nya risked herself for him

so jay hopes nya doesnt come. he wants her to be safe even if it means hes forever captured. its better than the worst case scenario. 

but a tiny tiny tiny part of jay that is wishful does hope that he is rescued. because hes weak. he selfishly wants nya to save him

he shouldve learned by now that his desire for nya doesnt do him any good. but the part thats terrible and in love still wishes for better. he wants to be saved. he wants to be forgiven. he wants to fix things. he doesnt want to hurt anymore.

he thinks he can accept nya never loving him again. but he wants to stop aching in his chest. but he cant let go of his love. at this point its a part of who he is. so even though hes resigned to suffer and part of him foolishly hopes. he wishes

but jay doesnt get it. nya HAS forgiven him. she wishes she has never hurt jay like she did and if she could she would take it back. shes determined to fix things one way or any other. she has to save him or shes the worst. jay never deserved *all* of this.

once she saves him shes going to fix them. somehow.

and somehow they do. with a wish i cannot fucking figure out so SPARE ME. but i think... they dont go back in time. things arent undone and theres damage everywhere. so much repairs to be done. and theres a start to everything

i think i forgot to mention but at the end of unrequited good end, which honestly i think friendship end is a more fitting name, jay and nya hug at the end of skybound when time rolls back. no kiss. i think the same happens at the end of requited end too. time doesnt roll back but they have moment... hug.. but still no kiss. not yet. nya hasnt realized her feelings are changing. actually she might it takes a bit for them to develop. jay and nya start having a very honest relationship with each other tho

nya doesnt want to ignore jays hanahaki and jay comes to a similar conclusion as friendship/unrequited end. he realizes nya still cares for him A Lot as a friend, she cared so much she risked everything to walk into nadakhans trap guns blazin. and he doesnt want to jeopardize their friendship by distancing himself.

he wants things to be normal between them despite his hanahaki. and the funny thing is that... in this end, jays hanahaki gets somewhat more manageable too.... but its for a different reason in this au. lol. lol. because his feelings are becoming requited.

his hanahaki isnt suddenly gone one day because nyas feelings are so ambiguous tho. and when she does finally realize that shes fallen for jay. she actually goes into a bit of denial. for a mix of reasons. 

its not because nya doesnt want to cure jay of his hanahaki. she just didnt think thats a thing that can happen. falling in love again. she was also so very sure that she didnt have feelings for jay anymore before so its also a pride thing she has going on. subconsciously, she doesnt want to take things back because shes stubborn.

and its also one part nya feeling like shes doing jay a little bit dirty somehow (her brain making her overthink in a twisted way) and that she wouldve been toying with jays feelings if she returns them now. after all this time has passed.

is she that fickle? (its not her being fickle) and nya cant quite place why she has feelings for jay again. nya feels like jay probably deserves someone better than her, someone who hasnt hurt him so bad.

nya has trouble understanding herself so she thinks shes being flaky and worries her feelings are flaky also and she doesnt want to hurt jay again with such uncertain feelings. i am making nya feel so fucking complicated and conflicted. FEELINGS ARE OFTEN AS SUCH!!!

but despite nya's internal turmoil, her feelings for jay are very genuine. she might think they are arbitrary but thats not quite the case. well her love is arbitrary as any other love is. but anyways. she fell again because jay did win her over, not even when he was trying to.

his sincere love... his dedication. when nya saw it in a different light it was attractive to her. she appreciates that jay loves her the way he does now. also before (the breakup) her love for jay was a bit shallow. it was just that casual. but now what she feels for jay is more genuine. and more equal. eventually she sorts it out. there might be some of romantic drama to get her to get there though. a bit more accidental hurt.

i had the tangential thought that jay might tell nya that his hanahaki is getting better causing her to go "on no". jays finally letting go of his feelings over for her and nya doesnt want to mess that up. hes finally recovering when she catching feelings again?

of course this would happen to her. shes glad but shes wistful she missed her chance at having a boyfriend who truly cares about her like jay does.... serves her right. .... nya is an idiot lol... jays is getting better bc of her skdjhtrglksdj. anyways

eventually... they talk. and sort it all out. all the hurt and feelings and love. nya opens up and confesses and jay cries about it lol. because this is all he had ever wanted ever since he fell in love with nya. the elation he feels is unparalleled. and tightness in his chest finally vanishes all together and he feels better than he has in ages. of course he says yes. he tells nya things to erase her doubts. and it took a lot of trouble to get here but theyre here now. together again for reals. and neither of them can believe it. 

they hold hands. and they finally kiss

-

I THINK. THATS THE END OF REQUITED END. WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT MY THOUGHTS FOR THIS END WERE INITIALLY MUCH SHORTER, SHORTER THAN, UNREQUITED/FRIENDSHIP END? ON GOD. WHAT HAPPENED. ITS BECAUSE I FELT LIKE REQUITED END REALLY NEEDED FULLY BEAT OUT DEVELOPMENT. OR ELSE I COULDNT BE SATISFIED WITH IT. IM A LITTLE EMBARRASSED BY WHAT I CAME UP WITH FEELS KINDA SAPPY BUT I CANT TELL IF IT IS. IM ARO. THIS ISNT MY HOME TURF. BUT I WANTED REQUITED END TO BE ACTUALLY VIABLE WITHOUT FEELING FORCED.... I WANTED TO BE AS SATISFIED WITH THIS AS I AM FOR UNREQUITED END. AND ENDED UP NEEDING TO PUT IN 100 TIMES THE WORK SDJKTUFHIGTLSDKJ. I THINK I ACCOMPLISHED WHAT I WANTED THO...... I THINK ITS OKAY..........

okay. im finally picking flowers. ive been thinking about it a bit while i wrote this whole thing. it wasnt a priority. but i do wanna pick some flowers that fit this story....

had the thought that depending on the end of this au (... i have aus within my au huh....) jay actually has different flowers. different meanings and symbolism.

i want jays primary flower to be an anemone for the record. “forsaken love”. nods. thats pretty representative of jays love for like. 3 seasons. also.... shares a name with the ocean animal. water... small connection with nya... not directly representative of her but it does a little. anemone has a few other meanings as well and i think those can fit too depending on the end. but the primary meaning im using is forsaken love (apparently its specifically the red and pink ones that mean this. please do note all these flower language resources are pretty inconsistent from each other)

tragic death end- anemone (specifically red- also means death), red poppy (remembrance in death), red spider lily (am i going too ham with the death flowers? yes. would jay see this as an ill omen? definitely. however. symbolism. also this bouquet is just So red. with blood lol)

tragic lost love (surgery) end- anemone, yellow chrysanthemums (broken/slighted love), black dahlia (betrayal), narcissus (unrequited love, selfishness), rue (regret), i would add forget me nots if i didnt think it doesnt fit with the colors

friendship/unrequited end- anemone, yellow rose (bros the meaning of the yellow rose is so fucking loaded LMAO. friendship, infidelity (nya), undying love? the wiki sure lists a lot), dandelion (overcoming hardship, growth, hope, and healing, friendship)

requited end- anemone, sea lavender (remembrance/memory, sympathy, i love you), sea holly (independence (nya) and attraction (jay)). okay so i dunno if a bouquet of these would look good together per se but.... ocean theme.... and also i wanted the flowers to rep both jay and nya in meanings.... since this is the end in which theyre together after all....

flower language is fucking hard. but i cant NOT put sincere thought into it. its fucking hanahaki i feel like i Gotta. btw these arent 100% set in stone i might change my mind about them? but i do really like anemone tho.... and tangential thought hgtjbnfjkghl sea holly would be fucking AWFUL for jay to cough up. esp when he starts spitting full flowers. those look like they hurt. just like what its like to love nya (lol). flower that would definitely make him cough blood

anyways..... if you made it to the end of this..... thank you.... this post is literally over 7600 words. thats like a long one shot. this is more like a fic outline tho. anyways anyways.... madness legit descended upon me while i wrote this all. i hope you enjoyed. i did this for my self satisfaction but if other people enjoyed this also i kinda wanna know

holds up a glass. cheers to jays suffering and heartbreak

(og thread here)

[deadduvznap]

jayhoon having angry sex. and blood. - (your favorite) omega anon

this has been sitting in my drafts since i got it.

im a firm believer that jay doms hoon in every situation (including lore) and you cant convince me otherwise now listen okay hear me out its a situation where like prob after a concert or no during it lets say sunghoon is doing sm fanservice w the other members and jay gets mad and i mean PISSED at sunghoon and sunghoon knows but he cant do anything abt it he just keeps doing all that fan service w the other members so jay is PISSED and on the way to the hotel they are in different vans or wtv BUT. they share a room and hoon knows jays pissed so he begs the other boys to switch but they are all like nah man you did this to urself so hes like ah fuck so he finally goes into the room and he sneaks into the shower and when hes out jay is just sitting on the bed looking angry with a towel around his neck and waist and sunghoon just silently goes to sit on his bed before bed and he faces the other direction and jay is facing opposite of him so they r back to back and jay finally talks and hes like im mad at you hoon and hoon is like i know im sorry and jays like sorry isnt good enough blah blah blah hoons like ill give you apology head :( and jays like im still so mad at you but i cant turn down head so jay is sitting on the bed he forces hoon to the floor and hoon starts to go down on his dick and jay is PISSED hes sitting there towelless arms crossed his jaw clenched in anger sunghoon between his legs hes staring at hoon his eye twitching and hes like if you dont hurry the fuck up ill make you hurry and hoon knows how jay gets when hes angry and he doesnt want his head bashed in so hes getting to buisness he gathers the spit thats in his mouth and he opens his mouth and lets it drip (more like waterfall) onto jays cock, he then purses his lips and wraps them around the head of jays cock and he sucks HARD and jay jumps a bit cus he wasnt expecting it and it kinda hurt so he smacks hoon lightly, jokingly, on the head and goes what the fuck are you doing and hoon doesnt reply he just shoves his head down as far as it can go as fast as possible and jay folds over and chokes for a second before hoon comes back up and goes back down again and oh yeah is it too late to mention hoon doest have a gag reflex ? anyways jay is folded over his hand in hoons hair and hoon is bobbing his head up and down contemplating biting jays dick off, just because, but he decides against it and keeps going and before jays about to cum he pulls sunghoons head off his dick, quite hard actually and sunghoons is startled at the pain and the yank and he feels like his hair is about to get ripped off and jay is holding his hair in a TIGHT grip and he drags him on to the twin sized bed and sunghoon lets out cries of pain as he stands up hunched over at the hight jays hand is grabbing him and he has one hand gripping jays wrist and the other trying to push him away and his towel falls off and hes like what the fuck are you doing ??? let go of me ?? and jay is like shut the fuck up you deserve this and you know it and now sunghoon is getting angry because even though hes a sub and a bottom he doesnt like being yanked around like this and jay pushes him onto the bed and sunghoon is fucking seething hes naked and his dick is half hard and his head hurts but he cant do anything because if he tries to leave jays is gonna bash his head into a wall and he doesnt want that so jay flips him over onto his tummy and lifts his ass in the air and hes pretty bent in half becuse hes rlly flexible and sunghoon is really uncomfortable in that position but jay doesnt care he just wants to fuck sunghoon so hard he forgets about the other members and so he can forget his anger and not kill someone or break smth so he grabs the lotion thats sitting on the side table he used after he showered and he lubes up his dick and his fingers and shoves two of them in sunghoon pretty hard and hoon freaks out because it hurts and jay is like shut the actual fuck up i dont want to hear it right now and he sticks his dick in sunghoon and hoon shreiks in pain into the pillow he feels like

hes getting ripped open, the lotion isnt doing much at all for lube he feels the lotion dry up quickly and he feels like his insides are ripping open and he starts to cry and jay doesnt give a fuck hes using the blood dripping from hoons hole to lube up more but that doesnt do anything to help and jay lets out an annoyed groan and rolls his head back hes annoyed at sunghoon for crying so loudly and that the "lube" isnt working and he remembers what happened and now hes even angrier and he pulls out and walks over to his bag for a second and sunghoon relaxes his body for a second and he can see the blood starting to drip down his inner thigh before it quickly congeals and sticks to his skin and he sees the drops of blood on the sheets and he feels like hes gonna cry again and jay comes back and grabs his arm and flips him over and he almost falls off the side of the bed when jay yanks him back over to the middle and sunghoon cant do anything but be limp and space out and jay starts to lube himself and sunghoon up before he sticks his dick back in sunghoons hole again and sunghoon starts to cry as he lays against the bed and jay kind of feels bad but hes still pissed at him so he tosses his empathy into his mind vault and starts fucking the poor boy again and sunghoons body is limp as jay knocks into him hes flailing around as his vision is blurry and hes staring at jays face and he starts getting mad again he shouldve bitten this fuckers dick off when he had the chance and jay leans over him and sunghoon just sinks his teeth into jays... wherever it is as hard as possible and jay grunts and pushes sunghoons face away but sunghoon had already pierced the skin and the blood was starting to form little beads in the wound on his shoulder

[triglycercule]

me when i find the PERFECT mtt song (yamitsuki,,,,,,,, maretu my king how did you do it,,,,,,,,,,,,, literally HOW did you do it why is this song weirdly accurate wtf and its for a completely different character 2??? HOW DID YOU DO THIS??? THE ENTIRE FUCKING SONG FITS??? THE ENTIRE SONG COULD BE MADE TO HAVE CONNECTIONS WITH ONLY MILD REACHING??? HELLO??????) (this translation!!!) (the translation is not.linking i will be shooting myself. its the on on the vocaloid wiki NOTthe video....)

literally like. 1/3 is horror. 1/3 is dust. and then the last is killer. in that order. the first 2 verses talk about bloodshot pain (bloodshot EYES.... HORROR'S EYE) and a rotting fatal wound (THE FUCKING HEAD CRACK!!! HIS GODDAMN HEAD WOUND!!!!). commiting brutality. i dont think much else is needed. wrong/right and judging biases,,,,, jesus fuck wtf. AND THEN in the next verse there's a mention of "starving for necessary evil" HELLO!!!! HELLO!!!!!!! him starving himself while also feeding snowdin human which totally sucks,,,,,, horror sans,,,,,,???? chorus of shrill voices (duh snowdin. or also could be undyne and royale guard. i like snowdin more). and then the last line of the second verse mentions sadism. nothing more to say. horror sans i mayhaps perchance mightve just encountered you in a song. or maybe the translation is freakily accurate and the song itself isnt that specific (probably but hey i can dream)

and then th next 2 verses r dust except i dont really know about the first verse but also a line that says "this is the death of the conflict, come and see me" could be referring to the human's death which like. man. and then the next verse is just dust sans but in a single verse. give me more excellent pain could be interpreted as LV but also the mental pain that comes with yk..... killing all you love.LOVE. LV. he needs more LV... anyways. mad off the beaten track. MAD. MENTION OF MAD LIKE CRAZY LIKE MAD TIME LIKE DUST SANS!!!! echoes of a haughty voice resound,,,,, phantom paps,,,,, "severe punishment, 100 renouned sights, i long for pure pessimism" i cant explain this one well i think but just think about it okay. this time you get to be the one coming up with the ideas (σ´∀`)σ

killer only has one verse that i can link this song 2 but i also think its th most freakily accurate. verse 1 is "through instantaneous joy, entertain me for my whole life, i'm cunningly"LUCKY". i get completely bored. give me pleasure without worry. and now, right away." and then "i'd rather head to eternal darkness. i'll abide by you always, emptily "HAPPY". i shed tears from my clear white eyes. come and show me your best smile!" HELP HELP HELP THEYRE SHOOTING ME HELP HELP!!!! THEY JUMPING ME (these lyrics) because WTFyhis isFREAKILY accurate. the entire first verse and its spiel on boredom and having someone else manage the entertainment/emotions,,,, and the cunningly lucky part is just. i think the word cunning is just really good to describe killer (sneaky little bastard) and then he's "lucky" emphasis on quotes because idk he got chosen for whatever the fuck his chara wants. what luck. really bad luck but whatever. and then MORE on the following another person and EMPTILY!!! EMPTY!!! KILLER FEEL NOTHING EMPTY!!!! fake happy too,,,, and killer has white eyelights sooo IM NOT REACHING!!! also he literally cries

in conclusion MARETU is a god amongst men and somehow this song managed to fit the mtt i have no idea how. next coming up: how NAMIDA fits horror. how thirst fits dust. how i'm high fits killer. idk if i already said this one probably did BUT JUST IN CASE maretu also has maegamist,,,,, maretu i knew i listened to you for a reason. so i could make totally irrational and unreasonable connections of your songs to the fucking murder time trio of all things. what joy

[demadogs]

Do you know any good wlw movies/ TV shows on netflix? I've watched a few, I am not ok with this, Carol, duck butter, but im LESBIAN DEPRIVED!

~🌈

YOU AND ME BOTH GIRLY.

unfortunately almost all my favorite sapphic shows have been canceled especially the ones on netflix but i do still think theyre worth your time. but it might also kill you bc the story isnt finished. all these shows are also just amazing plots too. like i would love them just as much even if there wasnt wlw relationships.

heres what i got for shows but not all of these are on netflix.

the wilds. this is an AMAZING SHOW. its on amazon its about a staged plane crash where 8 girls are stuck on an island but they dont know that its all a fucked up social experiment. a lesbian relationship became established before it got canceled after s2.

cable girls. this is on netflix and it actually DIDNT GET CANCELED HALLELUJAH. its an amazing show but it actually doesnt really count as sapphic bc one of the characters in the wlw relationship ends up being trans. but its still a great queer love. this shows spanish and set in late 1920s madrid at a telephone company. its one of my favorite shows ever literally every season is better than the last plz watch it.

everything sucks. this is on netflix and it did get canceled but the lesbian relationship was mostly established before the end of the first season. its set in the 90s and its just a really cute show im mad it got canceled.

paper girls. this is on amazon and ngl this is one of the most painful sapphic show cancelations ive ever suffered through so if you dont wanna watch it just bc of that i dont blame you. its about these four young girls who accidentally time travel from the 80s to current day and meet their future selves. the gay girlies are heavily implied and foreshadowed but they dont get together before the end of the show :(

the last of us!!! not canceled its still going!! this show has an episode that shows a past sapphic relationship with the lesbian main character but the first season doesnt introduce a new relationship yet. the second season will tho. im sure youve heard about this or already watched it but its about a zombie-like pandemic from a deadly fungus and its total post apocalyptic. also AMAZING found family father/daughter trope. dare i say i actually think i like them more than el and hopper.

i really need to find more great sapphic movies.

my favorite lesbian movie of all time is portrait of a lady on fire. its a french period piece and its just beautiful and THERE ARE LIKE ZERO MEN IN THE WHOLE MOVIE. i think the only line a man has is “bonjour” and thats it. MY KINDA MOVIE!!!!! INSTANT 5 STARS!!!!! i love this movie. the initial premise is that a woman needs to be painted but she cant know that shes being painted so the other woman has to just study her while hanging out and then paint her from memory. it ends up being much more than that but gaaahhh if you only watch one of these make it this movie.

another iconic sapphic movie is but im a cheerleader. way different tone much less dramatic and more comedy but still never gets old.

you didnt mention books but im gonna give you book recs anyway.

seven husbands of evelyn hugo!!!!!!! im sure youve heard about this. i dont think its overrated at all it really was such a good book and dont let the title fool you its gay as hell. if youre really not a reader tho this is going to be a netflix movie soon.

an amazing duo book series is criers war. i LOVE scifi and fantasy and this is my favorite sapphic scifi story ive ever read/watched. i want this to be a movie or show so bad. its about a world where some people are people and some are what they refer to as “automa” which are essentially cyborgs but they look just like humans. crier is an automa and the daughter of a king and ayla is a poor human and she has a vendetta against crier bc her father was responsible for her familys murder but crier doesnt know this! so then ayla gets the job as her maid for the goal of killing her basically but of course it gets super gay instead. its such an interesting take on the enemies to lovers trope bc its one sided, cryer has no idea ayla considers her her enemy. also neither of them are white i think crier is brown and ayla is black.

i hope you like these! and if anybody else has lesbian story recs plz put it in the replies or rbs cuz i also need more lesbian content!!!

[imaginespazzi]

PARTTTT 8

- NIVIII BBBYYY HIIIIII just wanted to say ilysm

- 9k????? OH MY YOU GODDESS I CANT

- anyways onto reading…!

- the first theme being angst.. yeah the cliff and i abt to be like 🤞 🤞

- girl don’t even stress abt the missed timeline PLEASE!! you have been spoiling us so much. i hope you have an amazing vacation you def deserve one!! The weekly update will be missed ofc but as i’ve said before, your updates are always worth the wait 🩷🩷

- me too azzi girl #liarabtmyfeelings

- OH GOD I JUST NOTICED ITS 2025 IM SCARED

- AAILYAH HI BBYYY #bluntqueen

- lexie…babe thanks for your lack social awareness 🥰🥰 giving us a pazzi reunion however, im shaking in my boots rn

- hey so just thought you should know, you finally got tears out of my eyes! could be the fact my day has sucked but i am crying over azzi saying she’s proud of paige and paige being shocked. my soul has been harmed😢

- so off topic but jewell and paige’s friendship is so cute.

-paige fumbling over her feet to get away from azzi. i just know the details of their breakup are gonna the lash thing read before i take my last breath.

- a world where paige and azzi go three months without speaking is one i fear.

- okay my stomach hurts. paige’s anger is so valid, it really is but my god not too much on azzi… my heart can’t take it.

- “We’re not together and I can flirt or kiss or fuck-” she flinches, “anyone if I want to.” i flinched too!

- paige hun pretending is just going to make it hurt more later. istg u and your evil geniuses… IM SO SCARED THAT THEY ARE PRETENDING TO MUCH IN THE NOW AND THEY ARE GONNA GET HIT BY A TRUCK. (not an actual truck but like yk)

- GOD AZZI PULLING AWAY FIRST AGAIN. PAIGES FACE.

- stop paige ☹️

- yeah where’s my cliff at? i might as well pay rent.

- “if only you’d just let me hold you in front of the world written all over Paige’s face.” yeah so the cliff isn’t enough anymore. seems to easy of a way to go.

- FOREPLAYING. MADISON?!!!!! INFRONT OF CHILDREN???? girl.

- stephie is a smartie for her attempts in guilt tripping paige.. i don’t think paige has ever actually used the word no around her tbh

- OH GODDAMN PAIGE. she’s been talking to aaliyah i see with her bluntness! i feel like ur anon (the emoji one holding the baby) BUT CAN THESE BITCHES FUCK ALREADY?!!! i don’t even need details BUT GODDAMN.

- god. i get where paige’s doubt is coming but girl please just let azzi talk instead of just hanging up 😭

- i however fear i would’ve hung up too…

- “I called because I hung up without saying goodnight to Stephie and just because I’m mad at you doesn’t mean I’m gonna miss saying goodnight to her.” and just like that i’m screaming😊 since we decided the cliff wasn’t enough… i’m thinking fire ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 because that’s how my heart feels!

- yes teammates def carpool!!! the end all smiles! great chapter!

- MS. FRENCHIE WENT TO MOTHER DAUGHTER MOVIE NIGHT??? what the fuck. jana may be a child of divorce (can it even be called that if azzi said no to marriage?) BUT PAIGE CANT BE REPLACED!!

- hey so i just read the paragraph abt love and yeah maybe fire then flinging myself off the cliff will be enough? oh and im crying again.

- oh

- my

- god

- i am full on sobbing rn

- i did not see this coming

- PAIGE SAYING I HATE YOU😭😭 after that whole paragraph of azzi thinking abt how paige loved every part of her imperfections and all. u planned that nivi u evil genius.

- “she loves being seen with me, she loves being known as my wife” god does paige even love her or just being seen with someone who loves her? god i’m starting to feel really bad for mrs. cunt. these divorce papers need to be signed already.

- “why couldn’t you have just loved me enough” paige bby:( stop i feel so conflicted. like part of me is upset with azzi for how much pain paige is in BUT THEN IM LIKE NO NO NO azzi had her reasons which were valid and outside of how much love she has for paige. BUT GOD MY POOR PAIGE.

- i need azzi to get off this phone call RIGHT NEEEEOOWWW. get this girl a hug PLEWSEEEEE hearing this is harming my soul for azzi

- “i think i’ll miss you forever” OKAY LANA DEL REY💋💋💋

- OH GOD MS. FRENCHIE VS PAIGE FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

- yk ms. frenchie im kinda a fan of you. i mean i want azzi far far away from you but i’m glad azzi had someone completely on her side.

- OH HE DID NOT JUST INSULT STEPHIE LIKE THAT.

- AZZI FUDD THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE. BEAT A BITCH UP😛YESSSSSSS!!!🥇🥇🥇

- i was expecting paige to get violent but oh this was so much better. rereading this i don’t know why i was expecting paige bueckers to harm someone else??

- okay tension 🔥🔥

- “we can’t keep throwing the past in each other’s face, Paige.” AZZI I AGREE but also please YALL can we talk abt the past because im scared if they keep ignoring it, it’s gonna blow up

- GOD paige is constantly just in panic mode of “is azzi gonna leave again” and like i get, i do but im actually terrified of how this is gonna come back and hurt them.

- “baby you are the exception to all of my rules.” oh okay just rip my heart out that’s fine i don’t need it anyways.

- im literally laying on my floor complicating life

- yk are these freaks abt to break their rules and have a sleepover…

- OKAYYY FUTURE CHAPTER YAP SESSION TIMEEEEEE OR LIKE question time ig?

- okay so ms. frenchie DIDNT WANT CHANGE TEAMS??? DAMN. is this like known to the team? wait u may have said this already so oops but what position did ms. frenchie play? was anyone else traded out to get paige or just her?

- can we just take a moment for some ice brady appreciation! i love her and paige’s friendship.

- OKAY SO i take it paige doesn’t remember the call..?

- okay question ive been dying to ask butttt are we ever gonna get a nika feature?????

- im legit on the edge of my seat dying to find out more details abt their breakup

- okay that’s all i got… im always so amazed with how much your other anons always pick up 😭😭 im always too involved in my own emotions to notice your small details then i read others recaps and im LIKE DAMN OK OK NIVI I SEE U.

-also sorry for the shorter review i was kinda crying and screaming too much to think

- ANNND i fear ms. frenchie is gonna have to stick bc i can never remember how to spell her name… (plus like u said she wasn’t gonna play a big role so WHATTEEVVVEEESS)

- anyways hear to say even though sometimes i think you enjoy putting me at the bottom of my cliff you’re still my favorite evil genius!!🩷

- 🤩🤩

Hiiii bby 🫶🏾

- Thank you so much lovely!! Hopefully not writing for a bit will make me miss it so much that I suddenly lose my ability to procrastinate after I get home.

- Omg I don't know if I should apologize or take it as an honor that I finally made you cry. 😭

- I loveeee Jewell so much and I absolutely adore that she and Paige seem to get along so well. It make me so happy.

- The word no absolutely does not exist in Paige's dictionary when it comes to Stephie (or Azzi for that matter)

- LMAO everyone just waiting for these gays to fuck lol

- Oooooh from jumping off cliffs to burning in fires, this journey of yours through nature is quite interesting 😭

- Mrs Cunt and Miss Frenchie makes me laugh every time lmao

- I try really hard to keep y'all sympathetic towards both Paige and Azzi so that you feel this way for both of them makes me really happy. They're just in an awful situation really. (WHO DID THAT?? 🤪)

- Communication is so important. They really should listen to you and talk....but will they?

- Clémence is likely a guard but idk if I'm ever gonna specify that so it's up to y'all really.

- Nika feature for sure at some point! Honestly a fair amount of cameo to go because I can in fact drag this out lol.

Ah babes I don't mean to push you off a cliff but I hope you're comfortable down there 😭

[zai-doodles]

Ok ok last question then I’ll stop bothering you lol (but I eagerly look forward to anything you will say in the future about fairytail!)

I think I got your thoughts on Nalu, but what about other ships? You said Gajeel and Levy are your fav ship, could you tell us more why? What about Gray x Juvia? Do you have a least favorite ship?

(And don’t be sorry for rambling a lot/your posts being long! I really enjoy reading your thoughts!)

bestie i literally love u i never have the chance to post my ft hc stuff im THRIVING

aight so im going to make enemies with this post i can feel it in my bones gjkfdhgsfdkj

however i just want to say if u like these ships thats completely fine and if you read them diffrently than i do thats also dope

so lets start positive!! i LOVE gajevy sm its so perfect i just ljdghfkjd

no listen like the thing that gets me abt gajevy is how it elevates gajeel as a character SO MUCH and gives levy so much agency at the same time, like u cant tell me ft would have embraced gajeel the way they did if levy didnt CHOOSE to forgive gajeel in some capacity and like fuck imagine ur GAJEEL in this situation like bro wakes up everyday and this is just his life

gajeel lost metalica at a young age, and (i dont remember too much of canon but im pretty sure its implied he just kinda fucked around until phantom tropue picked him up which yikes) like this CHILD was on his own most of his formative years and then got picked up by a super shitty abusive group of ppl and he just LEARNED to blend in, like yea metalica made him kind of a punk but he was a KID so during those years he was alone he probably just closed himself off to survive and learned to prioritize himself over everybody else and to do that it takes a level of desensitizing urself to others pain

and like ok again im playing hard and fast with canon but i THINK its implied he like, had done a lot of bad shit with them or whatever right? like what he did to levy and fairy tail wasn't NEW, so when the events in canon happen and he ends up at fairy tail, in my mind that's the FIRST TIME he has to face how HIS ACTIONS DIRECTLY HURT SOMEONE

and not only thats but someone who OBJECTIVELY DIDN'T DESERVE IT

like ugh gajeel just,, having to learn to let himself care but also it fucking sucks bc it just makes it set in more and more what a bad person he is (he isnt but he thinks he is) THEN FUCKING LEVY PULLS UP AND JUST?? IS THE BEST???

she literally blows thro all his expectations of her bc at this point i think hes use to dealing with ppl being afraid of him bc that ssomething he understands and control, what he DOESNT understand is her being NICE to him and it makes him RESPECT her and its so out of no where that by the time the GMG roles around and gajeel has fully accepted the fact that he indeed has emotions like everyone else, ONLY TO HAVE TO FACE LEVY BEING SCARED OF HIM AGAIN

learning to put others needs above his own and being empathetic in his own fucked up way

ok enough positivity time to make ppl mad

gonna link my juvia is a lesbian post here bc it sums up a LOT of my feelings on gruvia but the tldr is that my personal hc is that juvia is a lesbian with a serious case of comp het from trying to fit in with other kids growing up and it literally was just never corrected until she got to fairy tail and actively started to form friendships

the main reason i dislike gruvia is that it paints gray as the one who needs to change in order to accept juvias feelings and not just cuz he needs to grow as a person and learn to allow himself to be vunrable.

like grays arc doesnt ONLY center around juvia but its a big part of it and juvias growth CENTERS around gray and we can talk about the the borderline misogynist idea of having a female character whos damn near whole identity is her feelings for a man where she never grows or learns meaningfully but instead just very slowly chills out more so from being sidelined than growth but i digress i just dont like them

last is jerza,, i just dont like em,, jellal is really boring in my opinion and he had a lot of potential but meh? his redemption is neat and his history with erza has potential but i feel like the point of erzas arc is about growth and moving on and while i think her and jellal can still be friends and have each others back she still has so much healing to do after tower of heaven

idk i dont see a lot wrong with jerza i just feel like its a lil bland and not my cup of tea

and yes queer platonic nalu is my life id die for them actually and i have more stuff about natsus abandonment issues and how they carry into his relationships with ppl but imma stop bc this post is long jgkfhgdjhfdjk

tldr: i love gajevy, actively dislike gruvia, very meh about jerza, love qpp nalu

[darkstarbureau]

i get LIVID over something again: the post (you know that i never put titles. im fucking MAD)

post tw: more than one suicide mention

hey man. hey. i dont like bitching about very importamt things to me very much but its one of those times. this may seem incoherent in some parts but im gonna roll with it anyways.

i swear to fucking god. some of you people will say youre an "irl" (absolutely ATROCIOUS term btw. literally do not say this.) and then proceed to go like "im a kinnie and i simp and im fictionkin and im a synpat"

i can confirm that nobody calls themselves an "irl" ever. when you are in a really bad psychotic episode and happen to be indulging in media that your brain hyperfocuses on and start deluding or hallucinating things that are coherent with said media, you didnt "gain an irl". you are in a psychotic episode. you cant collect delusions (UNSHAKEABLE beliefs by the way, grounding yourself is a different thing. but if you bawl like a baby because somebody doesnt think youre twilight sparkle, maybe youre the problem) like blind bag toys?!?

and no, it is not ableist to acknowledge when youre out of that state that you are delusional. it is not a horrific word. it is one thing to use mental illness as an adjective for something you dont like, in that case, that makes you a dick. but i am afraid you cannot suppress your troubles by calling yourself an "irl".

dont even get me started on the people who think that kin and fucking psychosis are one in the same. i dont know if its just me, but it irks me to an unimaginable degree even more to see blogs that group kin, fictionkin, FICTIVES, and PSYCHOSIS, as one whole. on one side, you have a strong liking or relatability to a character. on another, you have a belief that you are an incarnation of a character without delusion involved. on yet another, you have a fragment of underdeveloped personality from a dissociative disorder that has shaped its identity around a character from a media. on yet another fucking side of things, you have a mental state that occurs in people under the influence of some drugs, an injury, extreme pain, schizophrenia, and/or bipolar disorder.

you are not mentally ill if you like a character, want to convince yourself that youre them, and bitch and moan when people dont affirm it: the section

i (do not) regret to inform you that if you are a big fan of a character, you are not psychotic. psychosis is a very serious and distressing state that people often commit suicide from just so they dont have to experience it anymore. if you think that you want psychosis, you dont. i myself consider taking my life every fucking day because of how often ill be in either a psychotic or dissociative state. this is in no way an exaggeration. i know that you people in my screen think that i have a coherent sense of self and reality even if it's false, and you're wrong. it changes all the fucking time. its not cute. not fun. not in any way enjoyable at all. back when i was younger, it would often present in a way that would convince me it wants to help me. now when i try to fight back against it and know its tricks, it turns very ugly very fast. when i run, it slows me down. when i struggle, it sucks me in. when i cry for help, water fills the space my voice was. when i try to swim, sand pushes against the push. but when i succumb, everything stops. even then, i cant win. everything is a question, and i dont think ill ever have the answer; when will it stop? when will it settle?

its not a game of house and your own mental state is not a mannequin to adorn with the worst things the human mind can feel.

say it louder. you cant choose this. you cant. there is no state of disarray where you are conveniently attached to pixels on a screen. "irl disorder" is a thing people actually search on the fucking internet because of you sick fucks. shut the fuck up. did you know that your head doesnt limit what you can be absolutely fucking confused and terrified about to just your favorite video game? i regularly hear things that i ask other people if they did, and they usually say no. i have seen, tasted, smelled, and touched things that disappear when i look away and look back. i have no feeling of connection to your reality. at the same time, everything feels surreal in the worst possible way in the very rare occasion that i can ground myself. i usually don't dissociate when i'm on the computer, because i have always been in that reality. when i step off, it tries its hardest to pull me back to anything that feels like the digital world. i have no goddamn connection to my body.

i want to disappear.

to those people im talking about: i hope this finds you well. you make me want to die even more than i already do. sincerely, gallerian. or nemesis. or seth. i dont know anymore.

[ankhisms]

painfully aware of how my mental and physical illnesses make it feel almost impossible for me to function or exist at all in society

yes i have a diary now yes i am still writing this here bc im not home yet. my pain in my back and neck and hip have been worse and worse lately and ive been trying to just manage it and deal with it but my mental health has also just been a rollercoaster lately where ill be fine and then ill take a nose dive and have been genuinely really seriously suicidal and close to relapsing into self harm but i thankfully havent. right now im just thinking about how much it sucks that just no matter how hard i try people can still sense that theres something off about me and that i dont act "normal" in our interactions like at the end of the audition i had to talk to this like theater manager lady and the conversation was really hard for me to follow along and get through and it was clear that she thought i was acting weird and she asked me if id be willing to do behind the scenes stuff and i said something like well i like 25 miles out of town so i cant really come for backstage stuff on short notice and she was like well can you follow instructions and i had trouble responding to that because thats a loaded question for me i do often strugglw with the instructions people give me especially in environments like work ones so i said uh within reason and she clearly thought that was a weird response. it just all makes me feel so hopeless i feel like in the past with the theater i grew up in and the other one i acted in they like... they were aware of me being strange but the directors at least didnt hold it against me or get mad at me really for being not normal because they knew i was a good actor and i worked hard and i was serious about it and passionate about it and now i feel like people just notice that im not normal and think that means that they shouldnt have me in their production. but then it hurts to also think like. well what if ive just never actually been very good at this. for such a long time acting was like the only thing i ever truly felt fully confident in myself about and the only thing i belueced in myself about ive always felt pretty insecure about my art and writing even though i love doing those things just as much as acting but with acting i always felt like it was something i was good at or at least decent at it like i got lead roles the first time i tried to go to college i got a scholarship for my acting. and now im just like. what if ive just been total shit at this this entire time. what if someones going to just tell me straight to my face that im laughably bad at this and that its pathetic and that theres no chance in hell that i can ever be a professional actor. thinking about it all now its like man. the professors at that first college i tried to go to who tormented me and told me i was too ugly to get any roles and too emotional really fucked me up i think thats where this self doubt in my acting ability is coming from. because before that whole disaster i really did feel more solidly confident in my ability. and now its like. what if i really just suck at this and no matter how much i love it and care about it and put a lot of work and thought and effort into it what if theres just no chance for me and its all impossible. anyway im just rambling now but yeah. really doubt im getting into the show i auditioned for today

[shadykingsalad]

I kind of hate existing it sucks. I especially!! Hate periods!! Is awful,

My mom expects me to do physically taxing stuff like. Idk even just unloading the dishwasher, standing and unloading things makes me out of breathe so I feel like I'm about to fall over at any second and my hands shake like i wil drop and break our ceramic dishes. She wabts me to go outside and move furniture and im over here about to cry because standing and writing my math equations down is also makingedizzy ans shaky to losing my balance. Its hard 5o talk and she rips the words from my throat because she hates when we dont perform neurotypical and everything is much more overwhelming and she says if the pain meds dont work you juet have to deal with it so im going to do my fucking math homework while i take a five hour long bath i guess because thats the only thing i know that makes my skin hurt less but then she told me we have to go outside to move furniture and i cant even do my math homework i am trying so hard to make this work i want to take a break but she will be mad and she just yelled at us yesterday for being lazy and not respecting her efforts to keep the house nice but the only way we can be not tired is to go to bed at eight at night but we hav3 to help our baby brother with homework when he gets home and that rakes hours and have to eat dinner with family so theres no time for anything fun because we always have homework too and shes mad necause we're lazy so we have to go outside and move things but it hurts just sitting here blmy bones still hurt and i really dont want to do this she knows it hurts the doctors literally told her low iron hurts or somethjnf i forgot exactly what th4y said but its not helpful to physical things and she STILL expects us tp do things and we have been almost entirely on top of school work to not turn anything in late and its still not enough what does she want from me!!!! I havejt had enough energy to talk to my favorite friends and chosen family because of how much i have been doing and she still thinks im a lazy piece of shit and i just cant keep doing this everything hurts!!! I want to leave but college will be probably the same awful but at least i can rest sometimws maybe. This mf still wont make us our appoibtmebt to see doctor so we can get solutions or somethkng to functuon better and its OUR fault???? She can be nice sometimes she bought us like three cans of tea so we had something to drink recebtly because water makes our stomach hurt and sbe bought a different type of milk recently and it tastes bad so that was nice of her but she us unavcomaodating a lotand it makes me feel bad for hating her sometimes but i judt cant keep doing this it feels like my bones are rottinh

[hannieween]

So it's been a few days since the chapter has dropped so finally V is coming in with her Thoughts™ (very dangerous, I know. I shouldn't be allowed to formulate sentences on my own):

EEP I'm so excited that bunny and joshie are FINALLY somewhat communicating and that we're seeing that they're making good (ish, bunny still isn't great about talking about her feelings but yeknow who is tbf) on their promises of being more present with each other :3 joshie making sure to text and call and make bunny a priority is 🥹🥹🥹 cause like FUCK he's been all talk so far about how much he loves and cares for bunny etc etc so it's SO SO nice to finally see him own up to his shit and (assumingly long term??) change to be treating his partner better. It's SUCH a miniscule line in the overall chapter, but that little part where it said that Joshua was actually texting and calling every night ;~; like FUCK he cares ;~; he loves his bunny so much ??? he's willing to put in the effort no matter how tired he is BC he loves his bunny and and and (can you tell I have Trauma™ when it comes to men LMFAO)

I read the chapter right before I left for class and *-* that threesome got me THINKING THINGS when I SHOULD be thinking about ECG readings.... PERSONALLY I would've liked to see some smooches between my two favourite boys (in this universe, in reality hannie can't dethrone the soonyoung-seokmin-seungcheol trio that's currently my #2 bias [side note I REALIZE that there's 3 ppl in the #2 slot V but have you considered that I didn't ask for your opinion 😤😤😤]) but yeknow I'll wait patiently for season 2 to come along to see just how the boys will be smooching one another... The boys having done this before with each other is v interesting though, because you can definitely see parts where they fall into their respective "roles" and kind of go into autopilot. A VERY interesting shift from the post nut clarity where they all realize oh shit this was DEFINITELY not just casual sex and things are about to be VERY VERY messy from now on

SPEAKING of the post nut clarity, jeonghan being hurt because there's no feelings*, bunny having an effing panic attack thinking she fumbled the bag and lost jeonghan AND Joshua (honestly, I too, would have a panic attack if I thought I lost my chance with THE Joshua Hong™), shua trying to be brave but being very obviously hurt that the love of his life doesn't JUST love him (speaking of that, I'll be sending a separate ask about the feelings thing I sent way back when and share my Thoughts™ on the matter), honestly kind of fucked up of you to tease us with THIS much drama and be like ^~^ tee hee I'll just move on to other series for now like HELLO ?????? GIRLIE ????????? YOU CANT JUST DO THAT????????? WE NEED TO KNOW WHST HAPPENED WND WE NEED TO KNOW NOW ?????????????????????

Honestly I kind of feel real bad for hannie throughout all of this SHDJJSJEJD you really put him through it this chapter. Him thinking he has one sided feelings, him having a taste of what could never have*, him having to deal with all these feelings solo while bunny and shua have each other to kiss, cuddle and have emotional support sex with, it must fucking SUCK to not only think you've fucked up with this girl you have feelings for AND your best friend all in the same moment. V interested in seeing what's in store and again im SO MAD YOU'RE CHOOSING TO WAIT???? WHAT OF US THAT CAN'T HANDLE DELAYED GRATIFICATION???? WHAT ABOUT THOSE OF US WITH IMPULSE DISORDERS????

BUT ANYWAYS that being said great chapter mwah I loved it and am v excited for more :3

*asterisk because yeknow he doesn't know what he's got in store for him from the god of his universe (you) and he's in Pain™ rn

hi hi beautiful V,

my joshie loves his bunny, yes!! and honestly, sometimes i just think that he has been single for so long that he is learning again what it means to be in a serious relationship, so he's trying hard to keep his promises and stay truthful to his word.

sidenote, yes i can tell that you have a trauma around that but i do to. so come here 🫂

they're going to work their way up to the smooches... they have a lot to figure out first to get there. and, about the boys having done this before... yeah, i failed to mention that they have only done this before and with one another. so 👀

and yeah, bunny having a panic attack is so real of her, because i would be losing my freaking mind too

oh my god now i'm thinking of hannie sitting alone in his hotel room, thinking that he might've just gotten a taste of what it means to be with bunny, being in love with her as he is, and then having to walk away from her 😭😭

why are you like this, why put these thoughts in my head 😭 sniff

i will probably wait like two weeks because haha i have impulsive tendencies too and chapter 1 of season 2 is already 2k words long so.... .. . i might just post it when you least expect it 👀

[strawberryspeachy]

I cant even wake up in time to go out for a fucking hour

Whatever curse is on me keeps getting worse. I’m so fucking exhausted all the time and every time i get excited for something its taken away or ruined

Its bad enough i dont have anyone and that i cant wake up or stay up for the prime time of going out

Which is why i moved to an area where most of my salary is spent on fucking existing here

But now i cant even wake up for one damn fucking hour of going out

But i wake up fully awake in time to see the clubs are JUST about to close and waste my fucking life away

I hate being me. I want to be dead so fucking bad.

Tell me why. When i put in so much effort and thought and try so hard to make my classes good.

Apparently junior high in private school suck. They know they dont need to do anything to pass right through the system so theyre little fucking dicks about everything

I guess the annoying high school kids at my last school were the ones that were passed on through middle school

And now middle school is the only job i can get for next year. I hate private school junior high

I loved them in public school. But my god. Dealing with kids who refuse to do the bare minimum and even pushing them to try results in them throwing a tantrum bc they always get their way (sitting around doing absolutely nothing while complaining about having to do something they signed up to fucking do)

Ive read this is what american schools have turned into and yeah. Its fucking exhausting. what’s the fucking point. You cant teach anyone

Youre not allowed to just ignore those shit kids - even if you try they disrupt the class. So you cant teach the ones who WANT to learn because you have to teach to the dumbest kid in the class and no matter how low you go they go lower.

What’s the fucking point

Today in the advanced english class which the kids in the class CHOSE to be in - a girl i literally complemented so much last class because she did so well - and to other teachers commented how shes come so far from being super shy and on the verge of tears/crying at the beginning of the year - back to crying today

Crying because i asked her to speak english in the advanced english class that she chose to do saying she thinks ill be mad at her if she makes a mistake WHEN I NEVER GET ANGRY AT STUDENTS. LITERALLY NEVER. Meanwhile her homeroom teachers literally screams at them and guilt trips them all the time. But he’s a man. Even to the kids apparently theyre fine with being screamed at by men. But let me - a woman - tell them to do their work and its a fucking problem

Its so fucking stupid because it sounds like im leaving out half the story. Or that ive spun it to sound better. Or that anything. Like this isn’t the full story. But it fucking is and this kind of shit has me exhausted. I see why teachers are leaving in droves. From reading about the conditions i already understood but my god is it so fucking exhausting.

The class i see 3 times a week. Theyve been a pain in the ass since day one. My other classes teachers always try to steal - not this one. No one likes them. Its like pulling teeth to get them to do shit

Theyve been getting better. Theyve been really good recently. I felt like i finally got them somewhere. They were doing so well. But no. They didn’t improve. Its like a rollarcoaster. I go from the quietest worst at english boys volunteering to go to the front and do an improv skit in english and the whole class actively engaging and having fun

To the next class they act like they cant understand a single word i say. They wont speak and act like theyre being tortured by a simple actively

I dont have the fucking energy. I fully understand those days that my teachers would tell us “if you dont want to try then im not going to either. Just there in silence till the bell rings” as “one of the kids who are trying so im sorry to you but your classmates ruined it for you” having been that kid. I got it then but i really fucking get it now.

Like do you think i enjoy nagging you. Is it really the fun trying to explain something to a kid staring at their friend fully understanding what theyre supposed to do and being entirely capable of it but deciding its more fun to make fun of the teacher in front of their face while pretending you cant understand

And i just have to pretend you really cant understand and keep trying.

Like im not their only english teacher. They have other english classes. Theyve been taught how to read. Theyve learned grammar up to “if you could fly what would you do” “i would…” they fan make sentences and understand at the level of a preschooler. And telling them to talk about a topic that they like - i know they can have conversations in english. Theyve done it many times. Tell them to do it and use their new grammar- cause thats my class - using the fucking shit they’ve learned beyond textbook shit

No all of the third years this week refusing to say anything more than “nice” “yea” “oh really” “i like” “oh mhm”

I’ve always thought school needed reformed. There was no reason that i should have been so stressed out all the time over school. I still believe that. But i know the world deciding to make school a fucking joke where no kid fails. You cant make them do anything. You cant punish them. Its not to make the learning environment better. Its to make a bunch of fucking idiot adults who cant critically think, dont have any working knowledge of the world, have no desire to learn and dont know how to teach themselves, and think that theres no repercussions for their actions so that when someone is unfairly targeted theyll just think “man they must have done something think REALLY bad”

The ones that WANT to learn. That try hard. Theyre honestly so far and few between and theyre punished for it. Why try hard when youre the only one who actually gets graded on your work. You work hard and get a B your classmates does fucking nothing and gets a C then the lazy one does ANYTHING and ya gotta encourage them to keep doing that so they get an A. They suck at school(refuse to try) so they should get rewards for literally anything else so they dont feel bad about themselves

Ridiculous. It sucks that the worlds gonna get stupider. The current school children are gonna be stupider than boomers. And the fact that they have no rules… at least old people to in trouble all the time as kids and were forced to be respectful to others and understand repercussions.

[incrediblesweatermachine]

i love how nobody i live with puts any effort into thinking about how their words and actions might make me feel or like considering how i might feel and how that might affect MY words and actions. it is such a good and healthy environment i love it ❤️ as an autistic person i find it super helpful to live with people who never say what they mean and assume that i am also not saying what i mean even though i say exactly what i mean all the time except when im using my therapy training to hold my tongue and not say something mean and maybe everyone could fucking get on board with this it is NOT that hard to be straightforward. and just say what your problem is because honestly if someone has a problem with something im doing or saying i cant wver explain myself and then people will just be mad at me or judging me without ever considering that maybe i have a reason for what im doing. also it fucking sucks that i try to offer like practical solutions to shit that ACTUALLY considers everyones stated and perceived feelings and opinions. but when im having an issue and could use some solutions everyone is like trying to make my problem disappear from view and not actually be solved. They just dont want to see my problems not actually like. solve them in any way. or actually help me solve them myself. its clear that my grief doesnt matter my depression doesnt matter my feelings dont matter except for the ways in whicj they make people feel uncomfortable. i told my dad i was suicidal and he told me he was more worried about other stuff and i shouldnt say that to him. it didnt matter that i was in so much pain that i didnt see any other options than ending my life it mattered that HE was uncomfortable discussing it. it doesnt matter that it hasnt even been a week since my extremely beloved cat died because everyone else is over it. the flowers my relatives sent me are still FRESH but i should be over it and back to normal. even though i havent missed any work and ive tried to get at least one thing done every day outside of work and cooked for everyone multiple times its somehow not enough. and on top of that im in so much physical pain its unbelievable. im consistently at like a 6 or 7 and completely stiff and have a hard time walking or anything but if anyones concerned they sure havent shown it!!!!! i try really hard every day and i do what my mom asks me to as much as i can and i try to be kind and polite and it just doesnt fucking change anything

[presleyluvschris]

Hey I got a request for jj I understand if u don’t want to do it

so you are jj sister u are about 15 and one day you stared to have these pains turn out u was pregnant and u was in labour and u was worried u was that jj was going to be mad at u and when u had the baby and took it home u was worried u was going to be a bad mum so jj and John b started helping witt the baby and they started to Noticed you’ve been distance and they comforted u when u told them everything 

morning sickness

brother!jj x pregnant!sick!sister!reader

a/n: im not used to having the reader in no romantic/sexual relationship with the pairing, this probably sucks and i think i fucked up the ending so bear with me.

word count 2.1k

warnings: not proof-read, teenage pregnancy, grammar, swearing, a little angst, mentions of throwing up, labour, a twist?

summary: reader gets pregnant ➢ 𝑵𝑨𝑽𝑰𝑮𝑨𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵

"pope," you plead, "give me back my shoe."

you reach on your tiptoes to grab it from his hand.

"please." you beg, jumping up and swinging your arm into the air.

he giggles and maneuvers it around until you finally snatch it from his hand.

"peice of shit," you grumble, raising your knee to slip your shoe back on, over your heel.

"hey guys," john b comes in through the screen door, "everyone on for the party tonight?"

you groan, laying your arms on the counter.

"john b my entire body hurts, especially my abdomen." you sigh, "is that what you call it? ab-do-me-"

"oh my god, fine, just stay here." he rolls his eyes, "fine by me, i wont have to babysit you."

you furrow your eyebrows and make a pouted expression, "but then i'd be alone."

he looks around the room sarcastically, "no shit! you're 15!"

he sighs and rubs his eye before locking his expression on your puppy eyes, "cant you handle one night alone with a bottle of advil?"

"yes, okay, fine asshole, i'll be here," you groan.

JJ comes up from behind you and tosses john b a loaf of bread over your head.

"i'll stay with you, bug."

"really??" you grin, looking up at JJ

"yeah its fine, i got wasted yesterday anyways. i dont think i can handle another hangover. and thats coming from me, princess."

"see?" john b raises his eyebrows, "problem solved."

he nods his head and picks up two large coolers before kicking the screen open with his foot and shifting out of the doorway, pope following behind.

you sigh and shift your attention to your brother. "bird piss is gone, what should we do?"

he hums, "we could watch a movie."

you huff in your cheeks, "m'kay. what kind?"

"i don't know, what do you watch these days?" he asks, sitting in john b's couch.

"how about the hangover? you could fantasize about getting drunk and having a big dick."

his mouth drops open, "how do you know about that movie?? and i do have a big dick!"

"mm, ive been scarred once," you press your lips together, "tell that to your girlfriends."

he puts his neck foward, "like kie? we only kissed once, and that was like 8 months ago."

you roll your eyes, "yeah right. kie's too much of a freak to kiss someone once."

he punches your arm and you swat him back.

"kie's not a freak..she just has like- sex appeal." he looks around the room nervously.

"oh my god just turn on the movie already, i want to see some hot middle aged men."

he snorts and you kick his leg in annoyance.

you giggle as the movie starts, and JJ gets up to get popcorn.

about five minutes in, you feel a sharp pain in your belly

you whimper, and your brother is the first to notice.

he sets the bowl down and sits back down next to you, "whats wrong, bugs?" his hand on your back.

"i-i don't know! my stomach- it really hurts."

JJ starts to panic. "shit, shit shit," he gets up, "stay right here i'll go get pope." he runs out of the chateau.

you groan loudly in pain as you clutch your stomach, bending yourself over, trying to breathe in and out, as you felt yourself in a panic attack, did i forget to take a pill? your eyes fill with water. JJ is going to kill me. oh my god oh my god.

JJ is back with pope a couple of minutes later, and you are practically shaking out of your mind.

"what the hell is going on?" pope comes in the living room, kneeling by you.

"oh, princess." JJ. holds you in his arms, trying to soothe you to get yourself to stop shaking.

"jayge it reslly burns," you sob, "it burns JJ!" tears stream down your face as he holds your head to his chest.

"okay, alright, shhhhh." he rocks you slowly back and forth, and glances at pope.

"do you think her kidneys failed or something?" pope asks, nervously biting his lip and looks at JJ.

"i don't know," he whispers, trying to calm you down.

pope calls 911 and the ambulance carries you out of JJs arms and onto a stretcher.

JJ doesn't cry much but seeing you in this much pain, made his throat clog up in a ball of anger.

once your brother, john b, kie, pope, and sarah made it to the hospital, JJ came in to hold your hand in room 208 as the doctors talked with John B.

you were no longer in pain but you felt exhausted from the medicine they held you under. you layed your head against the pillow and stared at the wall while all the pogues were by your side. Sarah was crying and kie was trying to comfort her.

soon john b returned in your room and carefully shut the door behind him, a blank expression on his face as he takes a seat next to everyone else, all staring at him in confusion.

"so??" kie asks, her hands folded to her chest, "whats wrong with her?"

he purses his lips and exhales, leaning in the back of the chair and rubbing his face with his hands.

"i don't know-- they said they ran x-rays and y/n's 9 months out pregnant."

"WHAT?!" JJ yells, his mouth open as you flinch. "NINE MONTHS?" he screams, "HOW?"

"WHEN, WHERE? HOW? WHO?" JJ holds his hands in his hair, ready to kill and beat the shit out of who ever dickless bastard knocked you up.

John B is weirdly quiet, in shock, almost. he looks at the floor and swallows. He can't even make eye contact with you.

no one is answering JJs question and everyones eyes are on you, making tears run down your cheeks. everyone probably hates you.

pope shakes his head,"we never saw a bump, JJ, i don't know how we could have known."

you whimper from crying, you knew you had sucked in your stomach for 9 months and you knew you had drinks since then with the pogues, too. you we're screwed at there was nothing to be done.

JJ notices your tears and tries to hold himself back from bursting out of the room, but his strokes your arm to let you know as a gesture he wasn't mad at you.

John B's eyes go towards you, he knew he had hooked up with you almost a year ago by mistake.

"what do we do?" sarah asks, biting the edge of her nail. she knew about her ex's hookup with you and she swore to never tell anyone, and she didnt.

John B shakes his head as he sits next to you, "we can't file for abortion, its illegal here, and besides, we can't kill it."

everyone gives john b a look, they knew what he was admitting but no one wanted to say anything yet.

unaware, JJ is staring at the floor. "its up to y/n."

you shake your head and wipe your tears from your face, "i wanna keep it." you sniffle, "of course i want to keep it."

john b hisses in anxiety, scrunching his eyes and tilts his head at the ceiling.

you feel pains again and everyone panics as the doctors order for everyone to step away, JJs eyes are worried as they lead you in a seperate room.

they ordered everyone to stay outside in the waiting room, except for john b.

everyone watches him leave, and JJ catches on that john b had been the one to get you pregnant.

JJ is angrier than he has ever been in his life. pacing the floor again, holding his hand to his chest while all the pogues try to comfort esch other.

JJ hated himself for not noticing anything before, he hated himself for letting you drink beer at parties, he hated himself for not being there with you while you were having a baby. You were his only biological family.

in another room, you scream and moan in pain as john b puts his hand on your shoulder.

"keep pushing, you're doing great." he adds, holding his breath.

you groan loudly, holding on to the sides of the bed as tears streamed down your face.

the doctors call codes, getting the baby out and taking care of the wounds while you lay there, a mask over your face, a complexion wet from tears.

John B is at a loss for words to comfort you.

an hour later, they put you in a more comfortable room to be stable in, as you were now able to be visited.

JJ bursts through the door, carefully wrapping his arms around you.

sarah has her head in her hands as all the pogues stare at you breathing, your vials in your arms, only a faint sound of beeping from the monitor.

a while later, they bring a nurse holding your baby in a pink knitted blanket, removing your mask, as another nurse helps you sit up.

you shakily breathe and look at your daughter in your arms, the baby crying as you slowly rock it back and forth.

you wipe your face, and press a kiss to her forehead.

John B looks at you, "what are we going to name it."

you shake your head, "i never thought of a name."

JJ is giving John B the death stare but doesn't want to upset you by holding him against a wall and beating the shit out of him.

all of you make your way out of the hospital after signing papers, while everyone walks out into the parking lot with you.

sarah his holding the baby in her arms, rubbing your arm.

"john b..." kie looks at him while walking towards the twinkie, noticing his gesture. "what the fuck."

JJs eyes dart towards him, and stops walking as he kicks a rock to a car.

you flinch at his actions before he advances towards john b and punches him across the face, leaving him on the floor with a bloody nose.

Pope tries to seperate JJ from him, but JJ pushes him to the side, kie grabbing his arm to pull pope from the situation.

"you fucking touch my sister?" he holds his shoulders and kicks john b's dick inside him three times.

you sob in your hands as JJ beats him, while sarah holds you.

your brother drops him back to the floor, sarahs hands over her mouth.

he backs away from john b, heavily breathing.

no one says anything, kie swallows. they all knew john b deserved to be beaten by your brother but nonetheless was it hard to watch.

"

sarah was furious at john b but she stayed silent on the drive home. JJ had no intention of being able to even look at his best friend.

you held your baby in your arms, your heart filling with love for her.

when everyone made it back to the chateau, and out of the van, JJ took the baby and put it in his arms with you sitting by his side.

sarah was also right next to you, the rest of the pogues talking on the porch, including john b.

he notices you are acting distant from him.

JJ wraps an arm around you, "i'm not mad, okay?" he sighs, "im just mad at jb, and that you hid something like this for so long."

you nod your head, "im sorry."

"you're extremely lucky that this baby didn't have any issues from drinking." he raises his eyebrows.

"i know." tears fill your eyes, as they stream down your cheeks, "i didn't want to jj! i felt like he pressured me into it, and i dont even know how im going ti handle being a mother on my own at my age i-" you sob into his chest.

JJ holds you closer, "shhhh, its all going to be okay, luvs." he strokes your hair, "i promise we will take it day by day, together."

he intertwines his pinky into yours. "pinky swear."

you wipe your eyes, sniffling, "thank you, jayge, for everything."

"of course, bugs. you're gonna be a good mama. if its anyone that could do something like this, its you."

you smile as tears fill your eyes again, "thank you."

he nods, fixing his backwards hat, "we're going to show this little girl that she is loved no matter what." he wipes a tear that fell from your eye with his thumb.

you nod and stroke the baby's head with your thumb softly.

"i think i wanna name her aria," you breathe.

he grins, "i think thats a beautiful name, y/n."

you tilt your head to look at him and nod, "me too."

"what will jb think?" you ask, worried if you should even talk about it with him.

he sighs, and tries to swallow, "im going to beat his ass more later."

he looks down at you, getting up and taking the baby from your arms.

"for now you need to get a lot of rest and pope and i will go shopping later." he raises his eyebrows, and puts his hand on the top of your head before walking away.

you knew that it had been a long year and you had made some mistakes in the past, but you were glad your brother and john b (eventually) would take care of you and your baby, and that everything would be okay for now.

tags @chachachannah 𝐣𝐨𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ♡