#m; kenny mccormick

[newromanticsmuses]

@wrongeddeadthenevermourned​ asked:  [ 📲 message sent: ] are you a bank loan? cause you have my interest. (Butters to Kenny)

[txt: mahalo bro] ...

[txt: mahalo bro] in my house interest payments = bad

[txt: mahalo bro] but thnx :)

[mantequillamcwhoremick]

Rip canon kenny mccormick por no hablar español, he would've LOVED reggaeton

[sevlows]

that one draw your comfort characters meme

[homefryboy]

weren’t closed long, but once again commissions are open. Yeahh once this set is all sold, I'll have reached 100+ commissions so that'll be something :V

[everythingwasnormalhere]

actually I've been thinking about it and kenny is so disability-coded???

like, even without my chronic pain headcanon, if we only take the canon material, he's incredibly disability-coded and im not sure why nobody's mentioned it before

Ok so, first thing first, south park isn't exactly known out of its community for having the best rep of... anything, actually, but anyone who's watched the show knows it has some of the best disability representation of any piece of media. Jimmy and Timmy, neither of their characters revolve around being disabled - they don't even make much fun of it! (It's south park, they have to make fun of everything). Their characters are complex, not because they're disabled, but because the writers didn't want to make them revolve around that. And if you don't believe me, please just watch the fucking show or at least their episodes (this is however not about them so I won't say much more about them, there's some pretty cool posts on this site that talk about this in more detail if you wanna read more though)

Now, onto Kenny: Kenny is a pretty cool guy. Fandom favorite, well-known even by people who don't watch south park. And besides how he's incredibly cute (like, c'mon, you heard his little "woohoo!"?), the reason why he's so famous is simple: He dies in every episode.

(well, not every ep in the latest seasons, but at the beginning he did and that's enough for me)

You might be thinking, "hey Loki, that's cool, but I have no fucking idea where this is going". And I'll tell you: his constant deaths actively avoid him doing stuff. Dying makes him spend less time with his friends, he can't take part in their shenanigans, he's generally unable to do things due to dying 24/7. Like, hell, he spent a whole season not hanging out with the guys because he was too dead for that! His friends substituted him, and he's still less-there since that happened.

This means: the impairment 'has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on their ability to carry out normal day-to-day activities'

(because he can't carry out normal day-to-day activities when he's, you know, fucking deceased)

Also, as Kenny himself says, "'Pretty cool'? Do you know how it feels like to be stabbed, to be shot, decapitated, torn apart, burned, run over? It's not 'pretty cool' Kyle! It fucking hurts!". His deaths cause him actual, physical pain. And guess what's a disability criteria?

You guessed: they have a 'physical or mental impairment'

(it "fucking hurts", I think that's physically impairing enough)

Also, his deaths have slowed down for the last few seasons, sure, but they still happen. And this is important, because they'll probably keep happening for the rest of his life - and if not, they've already lasted long enough anyway:

A 'substantial adverse effect' means more than just a minor impact on someone's life or how they can do certain things. This may fluctuate or change and may not happen all the time.'Long-term' means either:it will affect them or is likely to affect them for at least 12 months it's likely to last for the rest of their life It can still be considered long-term if the effects come and go. For example, a fluctuating condition might affect someone for a few months at a time with other times when they're not affected.

So, yeah. Kenny, canonical Kenneth McCormick, legally qualifies as disabled. But what makes him such good rep? He's still a well-loved character, not only in spite of his disability (yes, I'm calling his deaths a disability, sue me), but also because of it. Kenny is a pretty cool guy, he's cute, he's silly, he's a goddamn perv but really respectful about it too, and he dies in every episode which is actually hilarious. And about the perv part - fuck yeah, disabled character who not only isn't asexual, but is canonically the first in his friend group to do (consensual) sexual things! He's also canonically pretty desirable, he's the 7th in the List after all (and he's not just there for the girls' benefit like Clyde, Kenny is poor asf which means they genuinely find him desirable, and probably could've ended in the top 5 had it not been rigged). He's such a cool guy, and he's also disabled, and we love him for it.

Not to talk about Mysterion & PK, whose literal powers are the things that disable Typical Kenny - which, yeah, it's a bit of inspiration porn, but it's also a huge "fuck you" to god on Kenny's side. And it's not like "hey, I rose over my disability!", the moment in which Kenny talks (complains) most about it is actually when he's playing Mysterion - or it is in the show, at least. He was given bullshit, and yet he used it on his own benefit, but that didn't make the struggle disappear in his usual life - he's still disabled, no matter how much he uses it in his own favor. And we all love him for that.

I think he's actually awesome disability rep, mostly because he's accidental representation, and yet can (and in my opinion should) be read that way. Kenny McCormick is a beloved character everywhere, and he's also canonically disabled, and I love him for it.

[muttsterion]

December already and a changing of my icon and background for the winter holiday seasons. Decided to go with a cheering Kenny from the very first time he was spared of his usual fate on the show. Kind of a special moment then and also...first time he's shown he's in fact aware that he dies....and though the other characters don't exactly say it they def felt something was off but couldn't place it.....hmm..

Anyways. My icon is changed. XD

[crab-people-overlord]

RE: The Parallel Between the South Park Episode’s Kenny Dies and the Book of Mormon Musical’s Song ‘Turn it Off’

tw for death and the loss of loved ones (and also kinda for religious trauma? idk, my apologies. this got much darker than I intended lmfao)

As a kid who both grew up Mormon who served a mission AND as a lover of South Park… I find the BoM musical so fascinating. Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to see the play (though I have plans to one day), but am more than familiar with the soundtrack! Trust that I’ve got it all memorized.

I love all the SP songs M&T come up with, so obviously the BoM soundtrack is no exception. If you’re a SP fan who hasn’t looked into it, I highly recommend it - it’s VERY reminiscent of SP humor with clearly lots of thought and input from M&T, and the songs they have on the SP show. And vice versa, if you’re a BOM musical lover who doesn’t know much about South Park - I can’t recommend enough you check out the show. It has the same level of satire and an almost endless amount of satirical songs.

From what I’ve heard of the BoM soundtrack, it clearly has Matt and Trey written ALL OVER it lol. It’s clear they have close ties to the Mormon community, which makes sense given their location in Colorado growing up. And one of my favorite songs (along with Spooky Mormon Hell Dream of COURSE lol) is ‘Turn it Off’.

Imo, the two clearly have an intentional parallel, particularly when it comes to religious manipulation for what is the ‘correct’ way to grieve the loss of a loved one ‘should be’.

In ‘Kenny Dies’, you have Kenny actually dying for real and for good. Stan in the episode has a very hard time with it in juxtaposition to his friend Kyle, who has a more healthy psychological outlook of grieving and death even as just a kid. This isn’t to say there’s a more objectively good outlook to grieving or that Kyle had an easier time - anyone who has lost a close one too soon knows that there’s genuinely no fair and good way to grieve the loss of a close one. Which is exactly what this episode is trying to portray - that while Kyle’s more healthy way of letting loose his emotional grievances initially can seem like the more emotionally secure way to deal with things and probably is, that doesn’t mean that life makes it possible to do so.

Stan gets very avoidant in this episode, just as he does in many others. He is confused as to how a seemingly all-knowing and caring God would take away someone he loves so much and views as so wholesome and perfect. And his feelings are more than fair and relatable here. This causes Stan to avoid one of his best friends who really wants and needs him at the time as poor Kenny really needs him there at his side as one of his closest and most treasured friends, and it’s not fair to him that Stan avoids him. This hurts SO BAD and is one of the extremely rare times a show makes me tear up, because I think a lot of us who have lost someone so amazing and close can really relate to this feeling of not knowing how to be there when you’re so hurting indescribably bad yourself to the point you feel like you genuinely don’t know how to be there for your loved ones because you’re too fucked up.

In the SP episode, you have Kenny’s literal last words be, “Where is Stan?”

In the Book of Mormon Musical ‘Turn it Off’ song, you have the Elder Thomas’ sister with cancer’s last words be, ‘Where is my brother?” (him singing about himself being said-brother. But his reminiscing in this song VERY MUCH has to deal with Stan’s own feelings in ‘Kenny Dies’.) These two lines can’t be coincidence and show something personal in Trey and Matt’s personal life experiences.

I get that obviously M&T try to bring dark humor to both these parallels, but for me, while I can still find it funny - I get an overwhelming sense that it’s one of the rare times they are also trying to actually be deep here. In the ‘Kenny Dies’ episode, you have that conversation between Stan and Chef where Stan asks, “Why would God let Kenny die, Chef? Why? Kenny’s my… f-friend. Why can’t God take someone else’s f-friend?”

And this is a more than fair and realistic question for Stan to ask at 8 years old. Jesus, in my early 20’s, I’ve asked the same fucking question and it’s one of the fucking reasons I left the Mormon church in the first place. Chef responds by saying, “Stan… sometimes God takes those closest to us, because it makes him feel better about himself. He is a very vengeful God, Stan. He's all pissed off about something we did thousands of years ago. He just can't get over it, so he doesn't care who he takes. Children, puppies, it don't matter to him, so long as it makes us sad. Do you understand?”

This is clearly written by Trey who had lost someone he loved so very much pretty recently. And it fucking hurts every time to hear that line.

Stan responds, “But then, why does God give us anything to start with?”

To which Chef says, “Well, look at it this way: if you want to make a baby cry, first you give it a lollipop. Then you take it away. If you never give it a lollipop to begin with, then it would have nothin' to cry about. That's like God, who gives us life and love and help just so that he can tear it all away and make us cry, so he can drink the sweet milk of our tears. You see, it's our tears, Stan, that give God his great power.”

I think this is the turning point at which Stan becomes a bit more nihilistic and nonchalant about life. But it also doesn’t make that moment where he actually makes the extremely difficult effort to show up for Kenny even more devastating to learn that Kenny had already passed by that point.

Anyways, I honestly don’t know the point I was trying to make here lmfao. Because I don’t think there ever is a point to make about when you lose someone who should have never been lost, other than how you feel is fucking valid— and anyone who says otherwise likely has never had the displeasure of losing someone who a just God would never take in the first place.

And for what it’s worth… if there’s anything I’ve learned from losing loved ones far too fucking prematurely, whether that comes to the stupid fucking healthcare system not taking 21-year-olds seriously when you say they're having a stroke so they literally fucking die because it’s not taken seriously in time (sadly a true and personal story of my brother. I may make occasional dark jokes about this because I only know how to cope w dark jokes so if I ever do please laugh so I don’t cry lmfao) or your best friend killing themselves at age 20 (also sadly a real story), or anywhere in-between… just know that how you process that grief is FAIR and real and there’s no actual REAL moral way of grieving, and any one who says otherwise is SO MORALLY UP THEIR ASSES. You don’t have to be a ‘perfect and healthy’ griever like Kyle. It’s okay to be a selfish and angry and non-understanding one like Stan or Chef or Elder Thomas (and by extension, Trey) in The Book of Mormon with his sister.

And if something like “Where was Stan?” or “Where is my brother?” haunts you? Just know that you’re not alone.

Either way- please hug your loved ones closely for me today, even if you’re not much of a hugger like I’m not. I’m really struggling with the loss of a few close ones today (probably in an unhealthy way but can now understand that’s okay though I so wish I’d hugged those folks more), and I hope none of you take your loved ones for granted 💔

P.S. You know what makes this funnier? The Mormon church taught me to "turn off" my bisexual thoughts (word for word lmao; m&t clearly did their research with terminology lmao), and then life taught me you can't actually “turn off” grief or your own sexual attractions lmao. Plot twist: both those lessons of just ‘turning it off’ were bullshit! Turns out feelings are like Kenny – they keep coming back no matter how many times you try to kill them. And I love Kenny and am glad he always comes back… so maybe it’s time to accept that hard feelings can also be healthy to just feel.

So here's to feeling things, even when they suck. Here's to Stan's awkward avoidance, to Kyle's perfect grieving (fucking show-off- I love him and look up to him sm tbh), to Chef's cynical theology he teaches to Stan , and to every single one of us who's ever been haunted by a "where were you?"

[mercedesvince]

Hiii!! I was wondering if you’d be willing to write Kenny x Male reader (south park) where M/N (or y/n depending on which you use) is apart of his friend group, buts been the closest to Kenny, and one day when M/N comes to Kenny’s house to pick up Kenny to hang out or sum and he finds magazines that have clearly been colored on by Karen and so M/N takes Kenny and Karen to the store to get Karen a shit ton of crayons and coloring books

Please! Ty luv 🫶 also I’m so Srry this was so long-

- 🐣

Hello! I am more than happy too and hope you enjoy what was written, and do not worry I like long request as they give more ideas :)

CRAYONS & COLORING BOOKS

Kenny Mccormick x Male Reader (South Park)

Walking through the snow for a bit, you reached the bus stop just like every other day. “Hey Kenny, what’s up?” Y/n asked, as a few seconds before you had reached the stop, you heard your good friend, Kenny, let out an ‘aww’. “No one can hangout this Saturday,” he sadly said, muffled by his parka hood. After so many years y/n, Stan, Kyle and Eric had spent together, it became easy to figure out what Kenny was saying, even through the muffled fabric. “Sorry Kenny but I promised Ike I would hangout with him this weekend,” stated Kyle. “Yeah and me and Wendy are supposed to go out this Saturday, sorry dude,” continued Stan. “Yea and I just don’t wanna spend a perfectly good Saturday at Kenny’s house, his family is poor and his house fucking sucks,” Eric added on. “Oh shut it Cartman you can’t even say anything! I’ll hang out with you Saturday Kenny, I don’t have anything planned”. “Really? Thanks y/n!” Kenny’s mood seemed to have risen from moments before. It had been a while since any of you had hung out on the weekends, so you were also excited by this, even if it was only two of you hanging out. “Of course, why would I waste a perfectly good opportunity to hangout with one of my best friends?”

Saturday came by faster than what most weeks seem. With all the work piled up this week, sometimes you get so distracted you do not even realize the time going by. It was around noon and you were making your way to Kenny’s house. You two had not made set in stone plans, but had agreed on a time to meet up and where. With you being the only one of the two with a car, you both agree that you would just drive over there. And if it so happens you guys would leave the house, you would just take your car. As you parked, exited and locked your car, you walked towards Kenny’s house. After knocking on the door, Kenny answered “Hey y/n!” letting you in. You asked “Hey Kenny, you got anything planned?”. He responded with a quick “Not really, we could find a way to get high or something,” you just rolled your eyes, responding with a playful comeback of “Yea yea, how’d that end up for you last time?”, “Alright, you got any ideas y/n?”

Looking around, you had both wandered into the kitchen by now. Glancing around the kitchen, something interrupted your brainstorming of ideas. You reached out on the counter for the thing that had caught your eye, seemed to be a magazine. Kenny had said something but you had not listened, instead being entranced flipping through what seemed to be a random ‘People’ magazine, however something was different about this one, it was covered in scribbles and drawings. A lot of the photographs and images seemed to have added on details on them that the editors of the magazine would not approve of. As you glanced back at the counter, another colored on magazine laid there. Reaching out for that one as well, you stoped in your action, simply staring at the cover, ‘Playboy’. What the hell? The drawings on the cover seemed to be drawn by a child, was Playboy really appropriate for whatever kid did these drawings?

“Hey Kenny, who did these drawings?” Looking over your shoulder at what you had in your hands, he answered “Oh, Karen did, she wanted something to draw on and those are the only things I could find laying around.” You replied with a simple hum. “Well is she still interested in drawing?” Turning your head to face his head poking above your shoulder, you awaited an answer. “Yea I guess, she kinda only stopped because she ran out of room.” Again you replied with only a hum. “Well I think I got an idea for something to do.” turning your head to look at the magazine flipping through the pages. A muffled “what?” came from beside you. “In my opinion I think sexy pictures of women’s boobs is more your type of thing, not something your little sister should be coloring on.” Shifting away from you, Kenny was quick to respond “Well it’s all I could fin-“ you cut him off saying “Yea I know, but I have some change in my wallet, and I was thinking maybe we could go to one of those dollar stores and get Karen some real coloring books and maybe some new crayons or markers.” You were now turned around leaning against the counter. “You’d do that? That would actually be great!” You nodded and soon enough Kenny had called Karen in the room, asking her if she wanted to go get some new coloring books and crayons from the store. Excited, the little girl gladly accepted and now you were all on your way to the store in your car.

Once you all arrived there you walked around the store for a bit, and soon enough you were checking out at the front. The cashier seemed to have a neutral expression on her face, but you could not help wonder if she was judging you behind her stoic emotion as she scanned multiple coloring books, crayons, colored pencils, markers, chips, and of course a certain type of magazine. At the end of the day, Kenny was one of your closest friends and you offered to pay for something he choose out too.

Once you all finally arrived back at Kenny’s house both of you guys sat around the living room, watching Karen be excited by her new supplies. You heard a bag of chips open next to you followed by a “Hey y/n,” you turned to face Kenny “thanks.” Showing him a smile you, your next words were interrupted by Kenny’s little sister handing you both coloring books and a few crayons. “What is this?” you asked smiling at the little girl. “You guys should color with me.” You and Kenny both looked at each other smiling and began following Karen’s lead coloring. Eventually you felt a weight against your shoulder causing you to move your hand holding the crayon outside the line. Kenny resting against your shoulder said “You colored outside the line,” lightly laughing you replied with “Shut up.” The drawing of a princess and prince laid in your lap, you pointed to the princess that you had colored in with blonde hair and said “That’s you,” a muffled “And your the prince?” was your response, smiling you responded back with “and I’m the prince.” Looking up you both saw a smiling Karen happily coloring away and in that moment you could not have thought of a better way to spend your Saturday.

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

A rough approximation of what the part of my brain that contains hyperfixations probably looks like right now.

[zachiefluff]

[newromanticsmuses]

@xonlypainx​ cont from x

The shrug helped Kenny relax, his shoulders no longer up by his ears like they were when he asked the question. “Cool! I bought something special to wear,” he admitted with a bright smile. He never had an excuse to wear pink. “Is it cool if my sister comes too?”

[arrowheadedbitch]

Death from the marvel comics

Deadpool

Jason todd

Ummmmmmmmm

Uh

One of his friends?

A ghost

Rob zombie poster

hmm. what halloween costume do you think would be fun on kenny

[st4rb3rries]

OMG I LOVED UR STAN AND KYLE BSF HEADCANNONS!! Can i req one with the main four, like what its like to be in a group w/ them?? have an amazing day <33

BEING IN A FRIEND GROUP WITH SOUTH PARKS MAIN 4

pairings; stan, kyle, kenny, cartman x fem!reader (all aged up 18+)

summary; chaotic friend group hc's!

warnings; cussing

a/n; hi and ty hope you have an amazing day too!!

key colors; blue= stan green= kyle orange= kenny red= cartman pink= reader

late night skate boarding with them. it's always cartman who texts you guys to go. in reality he only wants to go to just to start shit. in my opinion kenny is the best skater out of y'all. but cartman is the worst💀. "you guys you guys look im gonna go down the ramp!!" "cartman that isn't a good idea your not ready-" "WAAAAAHHHHH" laughter is coming out from you, stan, and kenny. kyle wants to laugh but he ain't risking it😭. "GAWDAMMIT KYLE IM BEAT YOUR J-" cartman stops himself because he knows damn well not to rip on kyle in front of you. so he switches up real fast 🙄. "you guys i seriously think i broke a bone" "whatever cartman you just switched up cause you know y/n would kick your ass" 5 minutes kenny is teaching you, stan, and kyle a trick. "ok so next you gotta-" "get a room lovebirds i mean come on🙄" "CARTMAN STFU!!" "yeah dude stay mad because your not psychically able to do any of this🥱" this all happens in less than 15 minutes, like why can't y'all just be a nice friend group😭. moments later stan was about to go off a ramp. UNTIL HIS WHEELS BROKE OFF THE SKATEBOARD. i wonder who unscrewed them..... "AAAUAGHHHHHH" "DON'T WORRY STAN I GOTCHU!!" and there he was, stanly marsh in your arms. "W rizz stan or nah😏" stan could feel his face heating up fr. "damn dude that should've been me not stan😔" "kenny shut the hell up💀" "wait a minute where's cartman he literally almost killed stan tf????" cartman isn't trying to get his ass kicked in front of people so he ditched and went home. classic cartman.

karaoke night. you guys are definitely singing 2000's songs. but it always seems like you guys get interrupted no matter what. karaoke night was started by cartman, which is so surprising?? "I WANNA HOLD'EM LIKE THEY DO IN TEXAS, PLEASE" "FOLD'EM LET'EM HIT ME RAISE IT BABY STAY WITH M-" stan and kyle always hating cause you and cartman sound a little too good. "BOOO GET OFF THE STAGE" "YA MY EARS ARE BLEEDING" "OH FUCK OFF GUYS LET US SING" "you guys have been singing this same song for 2 hours bruh😭" "2 minutes kenny get it right" they just hating cause they can't handle real talent. sometimes when the karaoke gets intense you guys act like judges for americas got talent💀. "is this kenny mccormick from south park colorado?" "yes" "and what will you be doing today?" "YOUR MOM AHAHA" "disqualified poor people can't seem to have talent" "CARTMAN WTF" "NEXT" "no wait i'll sing with him" "oh god" if kyle and stan think you and cartman sound a little too good. JUST WAIT UNTIL THEY HERE YOU AND KENNY. "THIS ONE IS FOR THE BOYS WITH THE BOOMIN SYSTEM" "TOP DOWN AC WITH THE COOLER SYSTEM" super bass by nicki minaj is y'alls go to song. every time you guys finish that song your out of breath and laugh so much😭. "AND THE CROWD GUYS MILD🔥" "NEXT" "cartman we are done playing americas got talent" "dude let me and kyle sing next we haven't sung at all🥹" "fine" "ah hell nah it better not be anything emo💀" *30 seconds later every one starts singing* "BUT IM A CREEP" "IM A WERIDO" "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOIN' HERE" "I DON'T BELONG HERE" suddenly the tv, microphones, and speaker goes out?? "LISTEN UP BITCHES IM NOT HAVING AN ALCOHOLIC, A JEW, A FATHERLESS DAUGHTER, AND A HOMELESS POOR BOY SING RADIOHEAD AT MY HOUSE‼️‼️" guess who got jumped that night🤔???

[nwjn-z]

𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐇 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐠𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 !

warning(s): none

author’s note: i saw someone do this with anime characters and i thought it would be fun to do it with the boys !! (i dont remember the person tho😓)

kyle broflovski .

a redbull and nerds clusters

okay, kyle drinks redbulls bc they give him energy and he has a hard time sleeping so he always needs them but he has a hard time sleeping bc he drinks redbulls.

Ike’s favourite candy are nerds clusters so Kyle’s just used to getting them for him but he tried them recently and started getting some for himself.

stan marsh .

a pack of beer and m&m’s

do i even need to say it? ofc he gets some type of alcoholic drink but he isn’t very picky unless it’s like those fruity seltzers, he hates those. usually gets a case of beer and maybe 1 or 2 of those buzzballz.

he also really likes m&m’s. both him and shelly’s favourite candy are m&m’s and they will fight for them (shelly wins every time). Sharon used to have to separate the m&m’s into two containers and label them with their names on them bc they do not share.

kenny mccormick .

an arizona and takis

kenny likes to get the mango flavour arizona, he’s just a mango flavour kind of guy. the guys also all pitch in 2 dollars to give to kenny so he’ll drink a mixture of all the slushie flavours.

also it’s cannon that he eats takis so obvi he would get them. he also only gets the original flavour ones he just doesn’t like the other ones. he won’t even eat the blue takis even though they’re the same 😭

eric cartman .

a diet mt.dew , xL cheesy poofs , and a reece’s

it’s canon that he drinks mt.dew and he drinks it pretty often but I also think sometimes he gets a dr.pepper slushie.

i put xL cheesy poofs bc im thinking of those big bags of cheese puffs. i can imagine him getting one of those big ass bags and not sharing with anyone 😒. he also gets a reece’s and proceeds to rant about ppl with peanut allergies.

BONUS:

-i think craig and clyde would get gatorades together everyday in elementary and just never stopped. craig gets the blue one and clyde gets the red one.

-wendy gets sweetarts ropes and bebe gets watermelon sourpatches.

-butters likes to get a blue raspberry slushie and funyuns.

[mantequillamcwhoremick]

Chaos Plan - Chapter 21

new chapter out!

Fic Summary:

Five years ago, Linda Stotch took her own life in their house’s living room. That same week, her son Butters disappeared. Three months ago, a new bar opened up near the car mechanic’s workshop Kenny works at. And four days ago, a third of all South Park residents’ bank accounts froze up. Somehow these events are all connected. And the police believe Mysterion is the right man for the job.

Chapters: 21/35 (updates biweek— *gets shot*)

Rating: Mature

Categories: Gen, M/M

Relationships:

Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch Kyle Broflovski & Kenny McCormick Karen McCormick & Kenny McCormick Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh

Words: 124,117

[tiniedemon]

. . .

reasons kenny mccormick has been banned from us mall retail stores

sephora

definitely takes off running with a makeup pallet for marjorine

trips and falls into a rare beauty display

sprays an entire tester bottle of cologne in the fragrance section

hot topic

connected to the speakers somehow and played material girl bass boosted for 45 minutes straight

customer couldn’t find a shirt so he went in the back to search for it

attempted to climb the wall to get a shirt and ripped four wall hooks out

played tag with the hot topic employees in a skirt he didn’t pay for

spencers

taste tested every bottle of flavored lube in the store

shattered three ash trays on the floor

opened a pack of incense and lit it for a smell test

tried to sell a vibrator he didn’t pay for for double the price

zumiez

assembled a skateboard in the corner of the store and then skated around the entire store

tried on every sock in a pack of socks and tried to return them (he didn’t pay for them)

tried a hat on without realizing he had lice

victoria secret

took lingerie off the display model, spit in the bra, and put it back on

drank a bottle of perfume for $5

asked every employee if they thought his dick could fit in a thong

stood on top of a display table and danced, broke the table

ross

tried to fit into a onesie and ripped it

ate an entire eyeshadow pallet

hid inside of a rug until after closing

put his fist through a painting

apple store

set a picture of the inside of his nostril as the phone background

played cotton eyed joe staggered on every display device full volume

tried to return his samsung.. to the apple store.. that he didn’t get it from

accidentally spilled half a bottle of water on a macbook

h&m

played the penis game with craig from across the store

rode a skateboard he was forced to buy from zumiez across the store

spilled an entire bottle of hand sanitizer on the floor and then ran through it and fell on his ass

bath & body works

stole two pockets full of hand sanitizer

lathered his body in lotion and told the employees he was having an allergic reaction

spit in a bottle of perfume and took it to the counter and tried to get it for free because it was contaminated

lit five candles, arranged them in a circle, and held a seance

sprayed 12 cologne testers on a test strip and ate it for $5

toys r us

had a nerf battle with craig in the middle of the store

took a doll out of the packaging and drew pentagrams and penises all over the face

arranged two barbies to look like they’re fucking

programmed every voice recording toy to say “eating ass is good for your mental health”

threw a bopit at craig and broke his nose

food court

food fight