#lxc is having a very unpleasant time for a change

[ibijau]

Futures past pt2 / On AO3

Lan Xichen awakens from a dream that isn't his, and must make a decision

Lan Xichen awoke to a desperate scream stuck in his throat.

He couldn’t breathe.

He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t, he couldn’t, he was going to…

His throat relaxed at last, just enough for him to wail in despair. Heavy tears stained his face and he curled up on his side, still half choking, scratching at his own neck until it bled.

Footsteps came to his door. He heard a voice calling his name, familiar and filled with worry, but he was gasping for air too badly to answer. The only sounds he could make were sobs and weak, pained moans. Getting worried, his uncle entered his bedroom and hurried to his bed.

“Xichen, what’s wrong?” Lan Qiren asked, grabbing his nephew’s hands so he wouldn’t hurt himself anymore, checking his forehead for a fever, his wrist for a pulse.

Lan Xichen’s heart was beating too hard, too fast, nearly making sick, and still he couldn’t quite breathe. He grasped his uncle’s hand, needing the comfort, the closeness. Needing the reminder he wasn’t alone, because…

Because he would be alone, someday. So desperately alone, and it would be his own fault.

The thought, the memory that didn’t quite belong to him, wrenched another sob out of him.

“Is something wrong?” Lan Wangji’s voice asked from further away.

Through the tears, Lan Xichen spotted his younger brother hovering in the doorway, so sleepy he hadn't even grabbed his ribbon, looking quite worried. Out of habit Lan Xichen tried to open his mouth and comfort Lan Wangji, but all that came out was a breathless growl that made the younger boy even more distraught. 

It took a long while for Lan Xichen to calm down. Lan Qiren stayed at his side the entire time, having sent Lan Wangji back to bed. Holding Lan Xichen's hands, he hummed a melody, a lullaby of sorts which soothed his nephew, just as it had when Lan Xichen had been a child. 

"It was just a nightmare," Lan Xichen said when his voice returned to him. "Apologies for the inconvenience, shufu." 

"A rather strong one then," Lan Qiren replied. "If you want to share it, I will listen." 

It was tempting. But if Lan Qiren didn't believe him, Lan Xichen would seem mad. And if he did believe him… Lan Xichen shivered at the thought. He couldn't burden others with that, it would be too cruel. 

He shook his head. 

"It was only a bad dream," Lan Xichen said. "With your permission, I will stay up a little and find ways to occupy myself until I feel like sleeping again." 

"I might have medicine to help you fall asleep," Lan Qiren offered. 

"No need, I just need a little more time. Please don't let me inconvenience you any longer, shufu." 

Lan Qiren looked unconvinced, but did not insist, and soon enough Lan Xichen was left alone again. 

The first thing he did was to stand up and go to the window, where he filled his lungs with all the fresh air he could. Nights were cold, each breath made his chest burn a little more, but he didn't stop until the pain was nearly unbearable. 

The second thing he did was to light a candle, take some paper and ink, and start writing. 

He wrote for most of what remained of the night, lest he should forget some crucial detail about that dream he'd had. Or rather… not a dream, not quite. A memory then. 

His memory, and yet not. 

The entire life of the man he would become, if nothing was done to set things right. 

A man who would be blind to injustice. A man who, while seeking to protect his two dearest friends, would only push them faster to their death. A man broken by the weight of every wrongful choice he had made, after spending nearly half a lifetime trusting the wrong person. 

In short, a man Lan Xichen did not want to become. 

Exhausted and wrecked by emotions that weren't entirely his own, Lan Xichen had no way of knowing why this knowledge of the future had come to him. He was only certain that this vision, awful as it had been, was no mere fantasy. This had happened, or would happen, unless he took proper measures to prevent it. 

Having finished writing it all down, Lan Xichen hid his grim prediction and went back to sleep, falling on his bed like a stone. No more nightmares plagued him that night. A small mercy. He wasn't sure he could have withstood it again. 

When morning came, Lan Xichen rose at the habitual hour and tried to get ready for the day. The habitual rhythm of the Cloud Recesses allowed for few exceptions, and he didn't want to call more attention upon himself by asking for favours. But as he was getting dressed, his uncle came into his room, took one look at him, and ordered him to take the day off. Lan Xichen ought to have protested, but this suited him too well.

First, because he was exhausted. 

Second, because he needed to come up with a plan. He had half expected that in the sunlight, that vision of his would melt like snow in spring. Instead, it only seemed to have taken a stronger hold upon his mind. This would happen, because it had already happened. 

Lan Xichen sat on his bed, his half feverish notes sprawled in front of him, and considered the situation. 

There was a war coming, but that was no surprise. Nobody with any understanding of politics could have missed that. If nothing else, Nie Mingjue was craving for a chance to start that war, eager to avenge his father. 

Speaking of Nie Mingjue, Lan Xichen would play such a role in his death that it wouldn't be exaggerated to call him a murderer (someone would, the memories told him) though the actual plot was due to Jin Guangshan and some other person Lan Xichen had yet to meet, that Jin Guangyao who he would be so fond of. 

His other closest friend in that future he foresaw, and someone whose death he took a more active part in (but only reluctantly, someone would say, only when forced, and ought he not be ashamed that even after everything he still favoured the wrong friend?). 

There were other matters of course, his father's death, his brother's decades long infatuation… but Lan Xichen felt that what truly caused the vision to come to him was that matter with the men who would be his sworn brothers. 

It was for this that he was blamed and shamed by the one person he'd most overlooked, whose opinion had gone from utterly inconsequential to being of utmost importance. 

Nie Huaisang. 

Even with the certainty of those future memories, Lan Xichen half wanted to laugh at the idea that Nie Huaisang could ever harm anyone. 

It wasn't that Lan Xichen looked down on the younger boy, and more that he didn't pay enough attention to him to feel anything about him. Nie Huaisang was foolish, lazy, and spoiled, three things Nie Mingjue frequently complained about even though he had his share of responsibility in that, being the one who did most of the spoiling. Aside from that… Lan Xichen future memories told him that Nie Huaisang was, or would be, an artist of some skill, and that was the only compliment he would have been able to pay him, for the longest time. 

Nie Huaisang would also be a cold, ruthless man ready to risk countless lives for revenge, one who would grow to hate Lan Xichen, one who would let him stand beside a murderer for a decade because he suspected him of being an accomplice. One who would tell him… 

Lan Xichen found himself nearly choking again, the memories overwhelming him once more. He had to painfully force each breath in, then out again, until his body remembered how to do it. 

Nie Huaisang, if pushed to it, would turn into a terrifying man. But at present, he was still just a foolish and innocent boy, so if Lan Xichen made an effort, surely he had time to make Nie Huaisang see that he could be trusted in a crisis. 

Of course the plan was to avoid the crisis in question. Nie Mingjue couldn't be allowed to die, not when he was Lan Xichen's dearest friend, not when his death would have been so cruel and unjust. Lan Xichen, who now knew too much about certain people, felt certain he could change this terrible future he had foreseen. Still, just in case, it wouldn't hurt to get Nie Huaisang on his side. 

It wouldn't be fun, but it might turn out useful someday. 

  -

The first thing Lan Xichen did, once he had decided on a course of action, was to head for Lan Qiren's office and ask his uncle whether it might not be prudent to have copies of the books in their library, at the very least those most unique or precious. That library would burn someday, and it was something his future self would always regret, even if this at least really hadn’t been his fault.

Lan Qiren blinked at him like a startled owl. Lan Xichen almost laughed, and then nearly cried, hit by the sudden realisation that his uncle was roughly the same age he would be when the truth about Nie Mingjue’s death would be revealed, if not a little younger. He tried to hide it with that beard of his, and the difference in generation had made it less obvious to his nephews, but Lan Qiren wasn’t old at all. He must have been so young when he started caring for his nephews.

“Why would we need copies?” Lan Qiren asked. “The chances of two books being needed at the same time are low, and patience is a good quality to practice."

Lan Xichen bit his lip, trying to find an explanation that wouldn't bring forth too many questions. Before he could, his uncle spoke again. 

"That dream last night wasn't just a normal nightmare," Lan Qiren guessed. "Your spiritual energy wasn't circulating right, I thought it might have been a qi deviation, but… did you see something instead?" 

"Something terrible is coming," Lan Xichen confirmed. After a brief hesitation, he added: "The Wens are looking to start a war. They will start it, given half a chance. We have two years, more or less." 

Lan Qiren looked shaken by the news, but not particularly surprised as such. 

"They will attack us? Here?" 

Lan Xichen nodded. "The library will burn, and other parts of the Cloud Recesses as well." 

Habitations, a few classrooms, part of the training grounds… but the true loss was really the library, the heart of their sect, the source of so much knowledge. 

Lan Qiren was silent for a while, weighing their options. 

"If we take direct action to make duplicates, it will call attention to us, and draw the Wen's suspicions. I will start making copies of precious texts myself, along with others I can trust. For less sensitive documents, I will assign their copies to disciples in need of punishment. It will be educational for them, useful for us."

"I'll help as well," Lan Xichen offered. 

"I expected you would volunteer,” his uncle said with a thin smile. “Was there anything else to that vision you had?" 

Lan Xichen hesitated. 

He thought of that boy he had yet to meet, Wei Wuxian, who would raise the dead and use them as deadly weapons, sowing death and destruction around him, all because he'd sacrificed everything for his beloved shidi. 

He thought of Lan Wangji with his back shredded by the discipline whips, weakened to the point he nearly died, yet unrepentant. 

He thought of the Lotus Piers slaughtered, of Nie Mingjue dead, of his own guilt driving him to withdraw from the world. 

He thought of Nie Huaisang, going from overlooked little idiot to becoming the most dangerous man in the cultivation world. 

"No, uncle," Lan Xichen said. "There was nothing more." 

At least, nothing that he should burden his uncle with, when he already dealt with so much. 

Let Lan Qiren save the library, and Lan Xichen would find a way to solve the rest. 

  -

In spite of preparations for the upcoming new batch of guest disciples, Lan Xichen found time to start copying some treaties. It was not easy work when no mistake could be tolerated, but that difficulty was actually welcome. It helped him be more tired, and being truly exhausted was the only way he could fall asleep since that vision of the future. 

Contrary to his expectations, the vision hadn't faded with time as a true dream would have. Instead it melted into his own memories, manifesting as a particularly vivid series of déjà-vu. Much like true memories, Lan Xichen found he couldn't actually remember every single detail of every moment. Unless he had been paying attention when those future memories formed, then he remembered as little as he might recall what he'd had for breakfast on a specific day five months earlier. 

So when the Nie juniors arrived, a few days earlier than expected, Lan Xichen wasn't surprised. His other self had been annoyed by this interruption to everyone's schedule, but now Lan Xichen was just curious to meet Nie Huaisang again, knowing what he was capable of. When Lan Qiren asked him to come greet those Nie disciples, Lan Xichen agreed very quickly.

Because of the long climb up the mountain, because his cultivation was so poor and his general capacity so low, Nie Huaisang was breathless and sweaty when he arrived at the gate of the Cloud Recesses. Combined with his short height and his frail stature, it made for a sharp contrast with the disciples accompanying him. Lan Xichen just couldn’t imagine anyone less scary than this boy who chatted rather too easily with Lan Qiren, disregarding the difference in age and capacity between them. Nie Huaisang really had little to show for himself. He wasn’t even particularly good-looking presently, though he would become surprisingly handsome in due time.

Nie Huaisang would become many things, over the years.

As Lan Qiren guided the Nie disciples toward the house that would be theirs for the duration of their stay in the Cloud Recesses, Lan Xichen watched Nie Huaisang attentively, trying to catch some sign of the sharp and cruel man he was destined to become someday. But there was just nothing, no hint of coldness, no particular cunning.

Nothing at all until…

“I’d love a tour of the Cloud Recesses!” Nie Huaisang excitedly asked, looking directly at Lan Xichen. “Lan gongzi, would you please give me a tour? I’m sure there’s no one who could do it better than you.”

Lan Xichen shivered. He didn’t think this had happened in the future he remembered… or could it be that his future self hadn’t committed such a thing to memory? He would have had no reason to, never guessing how important his interactions with Nie Huaisang would turn out to be. Quite possibly, he had just refused that request, busy with other things.

Lan Xichen tried to refuse, in fact, but Nie Huaisang was insistent enough that to deny him any further would have made him a bad host. Worse, it might have attracted questions from his uncle, who might have suspected that Lan Xichen hadn’t told him everything he’d seen in his nightmare. Besides, Lan Xichen had already determined he would make efforts to earn Nie Huaisang’s trust so the future wouldn’t repeat itself, so why not start immediately?

When the time came for it, the tour went rather better than Lan Xichen might have expected. Nie Huaisang was surprisingly attentive to what was explained to him about the Cloud Recesses, which went against what previous encounters and those future memories had established. But no, that was unfair, Lan Xichen realised. Nie Huaisang, right from the start, had always been quite curious about those very few things that interested him.

It was just surprising that the Cloud Recesses would fall in that category.

By the time Nie Huaisang asked about things to do for fun, Lan Xichen had relaxed a little, and even boldly suggested that the younger boy might be interested in trying new things, even musical cultivation if he wished. He felt quite confident that whatever had happened in that other future, he could easily avoid it. All he had to do was keep Nie Mingjue safe, keep Nie Huaisang happy, and everything would be…

“I do like music a lot,” Nie Huaisang said pensively. “My father used to say I have a good ear for it. Not like da-ge. He wouldn’t know one melody from another even if his life depended on it!”

Lan Xichen froze.

He could just see Nie Mingjue, in prey to a killing rage that only stopped with his own death. Nie Mingjue’s body, headless, desecrated, cut to pieces and held together only through sheer rage and red thread that his little brother had sewn into his flesh. And that melody, that twisted mockery of a Lan healing song…

Lan Xichen shivered at the moment, suddenly nearly as breathless as he had been when waking up from that nightmare.

But he had been well trained, and when he noticed Nie Huaisang’s worry, Lan Xichen pulled himself back together, forcing himself to smile and chat amicably in spite of the specter of a pain he refused to ever feel again.

This time, he would make sure no one he loved died because of his mistakes.

[wombathos]

I really like your take on jgy, and letting himself go in his performance during his "villainous" scene. You mentioned that in Guanyin temple he is purposefully distancing himself from lxc, which is an interpretation I haven't seen before. If anything, jgy seems to be betting on lan xichen to save himself. He prevents him from going to the burial mounds and brings him with him, he appeals to his forgiveness... Where do you think he is distancing himself?

the ask is referencing this post, in which I said “he goes above and beyond in his efforts to pick apart everyone’s relationship even as he’s purposefully distancing himself from lan xichen” in a post about how jin guangyao is playing the villain in guanyin temple. so I wasn’t really precise in that post about a few things which I’m going to dig in now, basic summary below and then more extended discussion under the cut because this got… uh. long, I actually have a lot to say about this sorry

the overarching point here is that his performance and behaviour in guanyin temple isn’t a one-note affair and changes pretty drastically in terms of who is currently in control of the situation (as you’d expect, really) - and this affects both a) how much he’s drinking the villain juice and b) his behaviour towards lan xichen specifically. jgy - as ever - has several competing motivations, goals and fears throughout the whole ordeal of guanyin temple, which affects how he acts as well as what persona he decides to present to other characters. so with lxc as you rightly point out, he absolutely does have scenes where he’s entreating towards him, in part because he’s relying on lxc to help him, but there’s also other scenes where he’s… almost encouraging lxc to think the worst of him, or just acting quite coldly towards him. to get at what’s going on, I think it’s useful to make clear a few distinctions:

so first off I think for this it makes sense to not treat guanyin temple as one uninterrupted stretch - rather you have the run up to guanyin temple (from where wwx/lwj leave to burial mounds and jgy getting ‘injured’ to them going to guanyin temple - here how he treated lxc is really anyone’s guess), followed by,

jgy is in control, the other characters gradually show up and add to his hostage count and he has an unpleasant run in with a mistaken identity tomb but like, generally he’s in charge and thinks he’ll be able to execute his plan (this is a really long one)

lxc gets his spiritual powers back and holds jgy at sword point, the balance of power completely shifts. this is when jgy does most of his confessing, from incest to patricide to miscellaneous crimes and misdemeanours, the whole shebang

jgy takes jin ling hostage, lxc takes su she hostage. this is when jgy thinks he may be able to get away again

jgy’s arm gets chopped off and then it’s a chaotic free for all with wen ning joining in on the fun

everything has calmed down, lxc tends to jgy before stabbing him and watching him die

- followed by guanyin temple aftermath. especially for those first two, I’d say there’s a pretty clear change in behaviour on jgy’s part (afterwards it gets a bit murkier since the phases are also like… shorter), which makes sense because… well, personally I would certainly behave differently if I’m in control with multiple hostages as compared to when someone is pointing a sword at me. and I also think it makes sense to distinguish between the sets of concerns jgy is balancing throughout the guanyin fiasco, which I’m going to broadly delineate as a) practical (anything that has to do with him achieving his material goals) or b) emotional (not as in goals with an emotive component, but specifically his concerns for the emotional wellbeing of himself and others, by which I mean mainly lxc and possibly jin ling a little bit??)

one of the things you mention is jgy keeping lxc from burial mounds and I want to make clear when I spoke of him “distancing himself” from lxc, I didn’t mean he no longer cares about lxc. rather, he’s preparing himself for the end, for the increasing likelihood that lxc’s opinion of him is about to change drastically, fast. the practical concern here is keeping lxc alive, which he does very effectively by keeping him away from burial mounds and then making certain no harm comes to him as a hostage, the emotional one is… well, steeling himself for their likely separation? fearing more rejection from lxc once he hears everything jgy has done? hoping it will be easier if he can just keep playing his role and not wanting to be vulnerable in front of lxc? whatever the case - the argument that he’s ‘distancing himself’ from lxc, as well as the idea of him playing up being the villain, comes with a heavy asterisk:

this is only really true for when he’s in control in guanyin temple. in a nutshell, when the practical aims of ‘staying alive’ and ‘making sure lxc is all right’ and ‘getting the hell out of there’ look like they’re going to be achieved, are in fact still likely and he has concrete control over working towards them, he has a lot more space to act out in accordance to his emotional concerns, whether it’s preparing himself for his imminent separation from lxc or telling jiang cheng what a terrible brother he’s been for, idk, I guess the drama of it all? so in phase (1) of guanyin temple, it’s villainous monologues and barely looking at or talking to lxc, but in phase (2) his position is suddenly way more precarious. emotional distancing is fine and all up until the moment when you’re directly relying on this person to survive and like… at this point he can’t exactly afford for lxc to hate him? topic for another post, this, but in the post you reference I did also mention him enjoying picking apart his hostages’ relationships, which for obvious self-preservation reasons he does a lot less of in (2)

the danger of this interpretation is that it kind of makes it sound like I think that he’s putting on an act in (2) when he’s appealing to lxc and dropping the facade whenever he’s actually in charge, which is a fairly natural interpretation? and I think he’s dropping a facade in those scenes, even if he’s still playing up certain parts of himself and presenting another persona that might be… more honest than some but still not necessarily truthful? okay this is like. messy, but what I’m saying is it’s personas all the way down - and personally I reckon the one he shows to lxc when he’s begging for his life is actually one of the more honest ones. it fits in with a long-running theme of jgy and lxc’s dynamic that jgy shows lxc genuine emotions and vulnerabilities that are absolutely there, but still chooses which ones to show in a way that ends up being… cumulatively dishonest, or at least somewhat manipulative, I guess. at this point he knows that he can’t afford to distance himself from lxc and he confesses to all that because he’s quite right in thinking that this is what’s most likely to convince lxc to spare him, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less true. whereas when he’s in control, he has the choice to reveal certain parts of himself that he usually wouldn’t, but also has the power to hide ones he doesn’t want to show to lxc - because he knows he’s going to lose him

so that’s my general thesis: jgy was playing the villain and emotionally distancing himself from lxc when he could afford to do so from a practical standpoint but does so considerably less when he’s put in a situation where he’s reliant on other characters’ goodwill to keep him alive. he continues caring about lxc throughout and does so right up to his death but would like to prepare both himself and possibly lxc too from the coming separation by creating emotional distance between the two of them. also as with everything jgy does, fear is a huge driver: everything in his life has led him to expect lxc’s rejection once he knows all he has done and because lxc has played such a special role in his life that rejection is a truly terrifying thing. showing your vulnerabilities to anyone is scary even when you aren’t in the sort of situation jgy is in. so anything to avoid confronting it directly, anything to mitigate the pain, would be I imagine very much welcome

but the ask also is about actual examples of when jgy purposefully distances himself from lxc so… see under the cut for that

I’ll just focus on (1) here and do a close-read of their interactions because that’s where I think most of that emotional distancing (and also most of the more outright ‘fun’ villain energy rather than, like, sad villainous confessions), briefly touching on the shift afterwards to provide a contrast. also, let’s start with the run-up to guanyin temple because I think it’s fairly important to offer my best guesses as to what his mindset towards lxc is like going in. jgy taking lxc with him can be read in terms of both the practical ‘well he makes a real good hostage’ plus convenience of ‘he’s not at burial mounds anyway might as well’ as well as the emotional ‘this may be the last time I ever see him’. and yeah it’s probably mostly the former but let’s not forget that the only reason jgy does a pitstop at guanyin temple is to pick up his mum’s corpse, so it isn’t unreasonable to suggest he’s not only acting in terms of sheer rational self-interest in making these decisions

we don’t really know what happens here and how jgy acts towards him - he certainly tricks him and most likely fakes an injury of some sort to catch lxc off guard (which in the book wwx compares to an earlier book-moment where jgy faked suicide to get away from nmj and thinks he might have done something similar again) and manages to a) keep him away from burial mounds and b) either in the same act or later on takes lxc as a hostage (not sure which one it is? like surely it wouldn’t make sense to take lxc hostage if you still think burial mounds might succeed?) - and then they show up at guanyin temple with lxc’s spiritual powers sealed. as lxc says:

I’m ashamed. I got tricked by someone. I fell into a trap and lost all my spiritual energy.

now I don’t want to over-read into this or anything (yes we may be past that) but it did strike me how jgy doesn’t look at lxc when he speaks and doesn’t respond, but does turn to wwx and respond to him after wwx speaks and gives us a solid villainous smile:

I would argue that he finds it a lot easier to engage with wwx, banter a bit, than deal with the horrible messiness that is his relationship with lxc at this point. also… jgy doesn’t refute lxc’s point in any way. even when wwx gives jgy the chance to engage with him instead, he disregards wwx’s words about jgy’s penchant for lying and instead talks to wwx about underestimating him

if he were trying to endear himself to lxc at this point, surely you’d expect him to engage with lxc saying jgy fooled him? he doesn’t try to explain himself, instead he smirks at wwx (incidentally this is why I think jgy spends so much time poking at wwx and jc’s relationship - it’s not that he’s been a secret yunmeng siblings stan all these years but that this is way less personally painful territory for him than engaging with the others in the temple who he’s more personally close with (apart from lwj obviously and wangxian is something jgy did get in a bit of commentary on in the book, but let’s be real lwj is simply not as rewarding a target as jiang cheng is)).

this is pretty much conjecture and analysis based on vibes, but to me lxc and jgy’s behaviour doesn’t suggest they spoke a lot on the journey, or if they did their conversations were painful and most likely short. the only real evidence I have for this is that jgy at the very least didn’t confess to anything he had done, which is why lxc has to interrogate him about it later. also, jgy feels the need to tell lxc that he’s not going to try to remain chief cultivator later on - past deeds and future intentions would be the most natural conversation topics I would think? personally, looking at their coming interactions, I’d suspect that their few exchanges were along the lines of jgy telling lxc not to worry and that he wasn’t going to do anything to him and then… both of them opting out of anything more substantial

the first time he does directly engage with lxc is one that really fascinates me, aka the moment when jin ling arrives. they have this exchange:

Lan Xichen: “Clan Leader Jin, a-Ling is just a child.”

Jin Guangyao: “I know.”

Lan Xichen: “And he’s your nephew.”

Jin Guangyao: “Er-Ge, what are you thinking? Of course, I know he’s a child and my nephew. What did you think I would do to him? Kill him to silence him? A-Ling, did you hear that? If you recklessly run away or make any noises, I might do something scary to you. So you better watch your actions.”

now if I start talking about this scene we’ll be here all night, but for now I’d just like to note that I don’t think jgy is trying to make himself look sympathetic in front of lxc? he’s actually playing into lxc’s worst fears - in reaction to lxc expressing them, sure, and to my eyes covering up a lot of pain over lxc’s suspicion, but still going along with it and letting lxc believe the worst of him (and jin ling… topic for another post). look, he does the smirk:

then there’s this moment where jgy actually addresses lxc without prompting (but, hey, look it’s ‘Zewu-Jun’):

“Zewu-Jun, it’s going to rain. Go inside to take cover.”

this moment was somewhere between funny and bizarre to me, seeing as jgy is very much taking the time to tell his favourite hostage to not get wet. now the book translation I’ve read translates it as follows,

“Zewu-Jun, it’s raining. Let’s take shelter in the temple.”

- which regrettably makes a lot more sense. anyway, still doesn’t really look at lxc (as far as I can tell) -

- and then says “don’t worry” but adds a villainous smirk or two for good measure -

so let’s take that together with another interaction -

“But don’t worry, Er-ge, you know how I’ve always been towards Huaisang. When the time comes, I’ll definitely let you two leave without any harm.”

this is like… the warmest interaction in (1) we get? and again he’s telling him to ‘not worry’, which… another theme throughout is that I do think that for all that jgy avoids actually looking at lxc, he is acutely aware of the latter’s emotional state and is trying to manage it. not necessarily by making him feel good… and part of managing lxc’s emotional state is this increased distance, preparing for the separation of “when the time comes”, but it is also trying to assuage lxc’s fears. of course then that’s followed by this, which is a gut punch all round (including for jgy):

and jgy does this… cross between a smile and a grimace, this slightly resigned expression (he does also look a bit like he’s about to cry)

followed by this:

so yeah it’s… I really like this moment, because jgy is telling him essentially the truth but does so in a cruel way (and it’s obvious it lands with lxc). I can’t really read this moment as anything else than jgy distancing himself from lxc; yes he was somewhat prompted here by lxc, but he isn’t appealing to lxc to regain his trust - he explicitly says that it’s lxc’s choice but also that it doesn’t make any difference (or that lxc can’t do anything about it. whether it matters to jgy is another question). and then he turns to lxc and gives him this look -

and it’s… yeah, personally I read the entire thing as resigned, as well as a little cruel. it’s jgy knowing (or thinking he knows) exactly what lxc thinks of him and playing into that, of barely interacting directly with lxc but when he does enforcing lxc’s worst fears - the whole ‘playing the villain’ thing is nowhere near as blatant as it is with say wwx and jc, but it’s still there, in the interaction with jin ling and this one, in the coldness of it, in how jgy refuses to ask for lxc’s understanding because he isn’t about to admit either wanting or needing it

speaking of jc, when we get to his arrival and jgy starts picking on him, lxc tells him to not listen to jgy -

what can you say but yikes, really (though I do think there’s an interesting running thread of like… lxc looking at jgy and sometimes jgy looking at lxc but not at the same time? it’s like they’re both shying away from facing each other head on). to which jgy responds -

again, it just stands out to me how jgy isn’t refuting anything lxc just said. the words sound kind, but the implication isn’t, right? because the idea was always that lxc knew who jgy really was, unlike what the rest of the world sees him as (like lxc has himself said), and now jgy is identifying himself with the worst parts of what lxc sees - this is the meaning he’s choosing to attach to himself by going “you really understand me”. jgy is as good as telling lxc what understanding him entails, and it’s nothing about the deep bond they share but is instead something as painful as this. it’s less angling for reconciliation and more twisting the knife

back to jgy taunting jc, jgy says “It’s so difficult being your senior brother.” then we get this interaction -

the first part jiang cheng says and we only really get lxc’s heartbroken reaction, because jgy immediately brings the topic back to the yunmeng sibling angst, which he is like… playing for full drama. I actually think this is a nice example where playing the ‘villain’ goes hand in hand with the whole distancing from lxc, because he might be enjoying himself but it’s also very much used as a way to distract from all his own tricky emotional issues? can’t be talking about lxc and jgy’s shattered relationship if they’re instead talking about golden core transferrals, right??

so then there’s the whole jgy injures his hand thing.

I don’t have a whole lot to say to that because jgy’s dealing with other issues and he’s interacting more with su she, though… ouch at that little moment where lxc reaches out, as if by instinct

and when they come across a surprise corpse, it’s again that thing of… lxc looking at jgy, jgy not looking at lxc (he is distracted)

this isn’t really relevant to this post but since I’m already there, just after that you get a similar shot with jin ling:

(actually reminds me of nmj and jgy’s last conversation too) it’s a whole thing

and like… I’d argue it’s one form of creating distance, right? not even looking at him? trying to escape from any of these more emotionally intimate moments? and when it comes to the fratricide charge, again when he actually faces lxc, he’s not trying to garner sympathy. like the jin ling-related “what are you thinking?” or “you can’t do anything about it. right?” moments, it’s jgy shutting down conversations rather than starting them, resisting any chances to explain himself, (”is it necessary to ask” not “I didn’t do it” or even “please understand”)

and then wwx says something and jgy veritably jumps on the opportunity (and shoves poor su she aside in the process) to go over to wwx and monologue him for a bit instead -

this pretty much covers all(?) of their interactions in (1) which… it’s a fair few but it’s not actually all that many? I’m fairly certain jgy talks directly to both wwx and jc more than he does to lxc. their interactions become a lot more frequent from this point onwards - if nothing else, jgy becomes a more willing participant in them when it is in his (practical) interest to do so. but, to summarise, when jgy is actually in control he distances himself from lxc by:

a) avoiding interactions where he possibly can, including by avoiding eye contact and jumping on any chances provided by not-lxc to change the subject

b) not explaining himself to lxc and resisting openings to do so

c) playing into lxc’s worst perceptions of him, including playing the villain in lxc’s direction through coldness or smiles or cutting remarks

I do want to briefly go over the moment where lxc points his sword at jgy because it does illustrate the shift quite nicely. they start out pretty much the same way, jgy mostly talking to wwx and looking away from lxc -

- but that does change -

- and then eventually we get to the actual pleading. but the switch is slow and… it feels like there’s a lot of hesitation on jgy’s part. to me it doesn’t feel like something he wants to do, like he’s still calculating in those initial moments but gradually comes to the realisation that this approach is no longer going to cut it, that he’s going to have to appeal directly to lxc to save him. but then, eventually, he falls to his knees - and it’s quite a gradual motion, he really takes his time with it. are all those shots with lxc’s hand on the hilt of his sword that moves away when jgy falls to his knees implying that he was thinking about killing him?

so. yeah. I could go into more detail about how jgy does directly appeal to lxc in the following phases or what he is going on with him in the lead-up to his death, but that’s a topic for another post. for now, I think I can’t really read his phase (1) interactions in any other way than jgy preparing himself for the fact that this is the end - this is goodbye. jgy is scared of a rejection that is already unfolding; he is trying to shield himself from the pain and goes through a range of defence mechanisms to achieve that. it’s not an unreasonable fear, exactly, because it’s not like lxc reacts positively exactly to the revelations. and if jgy could have had his way, they never would have had this conversation to begin with, for better or for worse. maybe he thinks he’s doing a kindness to lxc, maybe he just doesn’t want to hurt him any more. either way, when he’s enough in control of the situation to allow it, he does his best to not engage with lxc at all. when he does, he does his best to distance himself from lxc - all the while merrily playing the villain with other characters he has less conflicted feelings about. it doesn’t work in the end and jgy ends up having to make himself vulnerable in front of lxc, but it’s a valiant attempt if nothing else

[paradife-loft]

Close reading all the Jin Guangyao scenes: episode 24

Episode 10 | Episode 11 | Episode 22 | Episode 23

The title of this is a lie, actually, since the first half? two thirds? of this is going to be finishing up with episode 23, but ah well.

So, I left off with the previous episode right after the deeply unfortunate clusterfuck of a conversation between Jin Guangyao, Lan Xichen, Nie Mingjue, and Jin Guangshan, followed by “sometimes war crimes can double as grooming your extremely emotionally vulnerable son, and that’s terrible”. Which means now, it’s time for…

Swearing an (extremely ill-advised) oath of holy fratrimony!

This is a bit of speculation, since we see almost no detail on what went into the decision to become sworn brothers, but my read is that it at least partially reflects a political motive – tying prominent members of three clans together, rebuilding the rather demolished state of firm alliances and power left in the wake of a major war – while also reflecting a personal desire I think on Lan Xichen’s part to repair the rift between his two good friends, and offer them each a promise that they won’t be left isolated in the middle of larger forces trying to break them down.

The political aspect becomes a bit more apparent when considering the wording of the oath itself, actually: “We are liable to the immortal sects. We are to bring peace and stability to the commoners… If there is a change of heart, one will be faced with a thousand accusing fingers, and the wrath of Heaven and men!” – While this reflects a shared set of values, certainly, it also strikes me as relevant that these three, two of them current sect leaders, are swearing essentially not to become like the Wen clan that they’ve just deposed: they’ll be accountable to others, they’ll work for the benefit of those living under their authority, rather than capriciously throwing their weight around for personal gain.

Oh, and also - I’ve mentioned before, the dramatic irony here in how the consequences they invoke for failing to uphold the principles of their sworn brotherhood are in fact exactly what happens to Jin Guangyao in the end – given what’s to come, the oath he’s swearing ends up being more like a curse. Don’t swear oaths, kids, it never works out well. Of course, at the time, I don’t think he has any intention at all of betraying those principles – the “bring peace and stability to the commoners” part is certainly something he makes an effort to follow up on, once he has the power to do so! Still, for something that starts out with an explicit declaration to not be the sort of evil that Nie Mingjue so straightforwardly abhors, it’s… a very sad outcome.

Moving forward, we have… the most awkward set of greetings in the entire world, I swear. Mingjue shows up to the post-victory banquet and gets offered the world’s most politically-fraught location on the seating chart; Lan Xichen then reminds Jin Guangyao in front of the assembled members of three(!) separate sects to call him da-ge instead of Chifeng-zun. Jin Guangyao redoes his greeting/offer with the most intense deer-in-headlights look (pictured above), pretty clearly aware that Mingjue is not about to be happy with him. (This little exchange, including the encouraging nod also from LXC to NMJ, is further evidence beyond simply their general personalities I think, that Xichen was the driving force behind the brotherhood oath, especially in a personal sense.) But also, it serves as another piece of foreshadowing future events: knowing Mingjue is unlikely to be happy with the offer of Wen Ruohan’s old throne, Jin Guangshan hands the actual task of offering it off to Jin Guangyao. Here at least, Mingjue doesn’t get distracted from who’s really behind the offer, and addresses Jin Guangshan in vehemently refusing the seat; but it nonetheless continues establishing the pattern where JGS uses Jin Guangyao to be the primary face of his own less-than-savory political maneuvering.

(Which in general, makes me think it’s kind of interesting that he does have Jin Guangyao there greeting guests with him in the first place, and not Jin Zixuan? It’s a bit difficult for me to read what the status of co-greeter is supposed to be – second-in-command, or glorified servant? I think there may be a little bit of both, if JGY is there on one hand because he was the one setting the banquet up, but on the other hand also, because JGS wants to parade him around as his very own hero of the Sunshot Campaign, as Sect Leader Yao is so kind to remind us.

And then there’s... the one-on-one chat with Wei Wuxian.

First off, I’d like to link people to this post by @hunxi-guilai​, which honestly just goes over… a lot of what I probably would have liked to say about the implied meanings in this conversation. Essentially: Wei Wuxian is interested in what’s going on with this other Sunshot hero who also seems to be not carrying any sword (in a scene where we even see Jiang Yanli carrying hers!), and who had previously used a somewhat unorthodox weapon for his Wen Ruohan stabbing. Jin Guangyao though, is… not really interested in drawing attention to either of those facts (and I’m sure not in a way that would see him in solidarity with WWX), considering “unorthodox and outside the standard set of accepted behaviours in cultivator society” is the opposite of what he’s trying to look like right now.

Relevant to this, honestly, is the question of “what the fuck exactly even is a soft sword,” which CQL does approximately nothing to explain on the face of it, and only very implicitly does so if you’re obsessive like me and try to take blurry screenshots to compare the sword we see stabbing WRH with the sword that Jin Guangyao uses when fighting WWX’s paperman in episode 41.

Which do appear to be the same sword, inability to get a good clear look at it in either context notwithstanding. Oh, and JGY seems to have either repainted or swapped out the hilt, at some point in the intervening years – perhaps to better match the Jin clan’s aesthetic of white & gold sword decoration that we see on Jin Zixuan’s Suihua?

Anyway, for context on the “what’s a soft sword” issue, I am going to quote a relevant portion from the (EXR translation of the) MDZS novel, even though in general I’m trying to keep the canon cross-pollination in these meta to a minimum.

Back then, when Jin GuangYao worked undercover at Wen RuoHan’s side, he had often hidden the sword at his waist, wreathed the sword around his arm to use during critical moments. Although the blade of Hensheng seemed to be soft to the extremity, attacking with lingering motions, it was in reality both sharp and haunting. Once the blade had wrapped around the opposition, Jin GuangYao would apply it with a bizarre spiritual power, and one would quickly be severed into pieces by the sword, despite its tender appearance. Quite a few famous swords had been battered into piles of scrap iron just like this. At the moment, the blade of the sword attacked as though it was a serpent with silver scales, biting at the paperman without any hesitation.

So yeah – it’s an uncommon weapon, a sword with a blade that can bend and thus works very well for things like being sneaky and unassuming, and not fighting “fairly” in a way the vast majority of other cultivators would have any experience countering.

And... oh my god. Now we’re finally onto episode 24 properly.

The first input we get from Jin Guangyao this episode is this charming smirk as Wei Wuxian walks up into the center of the hall to interrupt JGS’s unpleasant “hey let’s renew this betrothal~” play. Personal amusement about a rather dramatic individual showing up to do something undoubtedly also dramatic? Entertainment about how a person not known for his skill at subtle political maneuvering is probably about to come in and make a mess that the Jin clan will be able to spin to their own advantage? Ehhh, why not both?

Though of course, the Jiang clan members function very well as a unit here once Wei Wuxian comes in to shake things up, and it’s not nearly the uncomplicated win for the Jin clan that he was probably expecting. Meanwhile, once that’s over, he takes the next opportunity to introduce his father’s next order of business, the invitation to the Phoenix Mountain hunt - and in fact, he does so with an absolutely seamless transition from Jiang Yanli’s rejection of the proposed marriage plan renewal:

“Everyone. For the previous Clan Leader Jiang to have such a daughter is already a great comfort to his soul. And not just Jiang Clan, but after the mess with the Wen Clan, every clan has experienced losses. This is a crucial time for us to rebuild and we critically are in need of manpower. For the past days, Father has spent a lot of time pondering over this matter. Luckily, he’s found a countermeasure. I dare to represent my father in inviting everyone back to Jinlintai during the fall. Jin clan will be putting all efforts towards reorganizing the round-up and hunting event at Hundred Phoenixes Mountain.”

It’s easy to overlook, I think, but the amount of rhetorical skill to put that together on the fly? It’s really not for nothing that Meng Yao was first introduced as being impressively sharp and well-spoken. He’s taking what starts as a loss of face for the Jin clan, redirecting it to focus on the virtue of Jiang Yanli, and then tying that in to the losses and worries that every sect now has in the wake of the war ending. And having reminded them of their own interests and present worries here, he steps in to offer a solution that slots the Jin clan in back at the top, looking extremely good, due to the wealth and comparative manpower advantage they have over everyone else after entering the war relatively late.

(Also, to clarify since it’s only ever implied rather than stated outright in the show, via the dialogue here and then another piece during the hunt itself – the Hundred Phoenix Mountain hunt, from what I can tell, is a regular event held for the purpose of showing off each clan’s skills so that they can attract new prospective disciples, hence why it’s a solution to the sects’ manpower being depleted by the war. Additionally, given the use in particular of reorganizing the event, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that ordinarily, this event would be one put on by the Chief Cultivator. So with the Wen sect demolished, there was nobody readily available to step up and take over handling this event until now. Jin Guangshan may be fooling none of the viewers about his intentions in adopting a seat right next to Wen Ruohan’s old chair, but he’s certainly making good use of a-Yao’s rhetorical talent to get yet another instance of stepping into the role vacated by the Wen sect looked upon as praiseworthy benevolence.)

…And then what thanks does he get for it? Some dispassionate praise, more work, and no appreciation for the tea he’s made.

It’s a bit telling (and painful) the way he responds to being asked if he’s found the location of the Yin metal yet, also: “Not yet; I’m incompetent.” I think he’s definitely the sort to feel, even as he’s very aware of the worth of his skills and what sort of areas he’s good with in some respects, the foundation of his belief in himself is nonetheless incredibly rocky and it’s easy for a reminder of any sort of failure to loom suddenly very large over his self-assessment in the moment.

At the same time though, Jin Guangyao is very much an adaptable person, and we see that on full display with his next explanation: that the one who has the last piece of Yin metal may very likely be Wei Wuxian. It’s both an exercise in political savvy, pointing out a powerful and disruptive influence likely to cause problems for Jin Guangshan in the future if his interference in the marriage proposal is any indication, and a significant sewing together of information from several different sources: Wei Wuxian’s opportunity to be in the same place previously as Xue Yang, as he explains to JGS, but also the front-row seat for WWX interfering with the power of Wen Ruohan’s Yin metal using Chenqing and his new Yin Tiger Seal.

I don’t think he holds any particular animosity toward Wei Wuxian at this point? This reads to me like a calculation based pretty essentially on: his father is clearly invested in expanding the power of the Jin sect and diminishing the interest or ability of other sects to oppose him, and also in (instrumentally to that goal) getting his hands on the last piece of Yin metal. Jin Guangyao has been explicitly tasked with working on the latter concern, and probably implicitly at least with the former - at some point, and some point soon, he’s going to need to produce results on that front, or else be dropped from JGS’s incredibly conditional regard for not being useful enough. Given the confluence of circumstances, lining up suspicions (which for all he knows are likely even true!) against Wei Wuxian serves both goals, and gives him another safe place to rest for a day or two before having to continue worrying how to be helpful enough to keep deserving his newfound status.

And that’s it for Jin Guangyao in episode 24! Poor kiddo. Looks like you can climb another rung higher on the ladder, sure, but it doesn’t mean you’ll make it free of being used for quite a long while still.

[somepinkthing]

NHS’s a very flexible character that exists almost entirely in the gray zone. He doesn’t seem to stick to any strong moral code and yet we’re given the impression that he does know where the lines are drawn. And while he’s willing to cross them, he never strays too far. This manages simultaneously make him one of the most ruthless characters AND one of the only characters in the series who’s serious about minimizing death. It also means he’ll accept the consequences, acknowledge how many people he could potentially hurt, and try and minimize it as much as possible BUT he still hides himself at the end of it all.

NHS is perfectly in between. Ambitious and yet not at all. Respectful of life but still willing to lose one or two people to obtain revenge. Consumed by rage but responsible enough to know he couldn’t just go off and do whatever he wanted because of that. He’s presented as someone who will go any length yet all his plans indicate that he has a strong enough understanding of how far is too far. He openly hated his leadership position and showed no interest in sect matters and yet he was very careful to keep his sect and his disciples out of harm’s way the entire time. Genuinely a coward but unrelenting in the face of danger. Has a lofty plan with  no guarantee of satisfaction even if he does succeed but he uses obtainable benchmarks and is flexible to changes. He obviously was capable of loving deeply and unconditionally but we rarely saw him show it from behind his mask. Ruthless but doesn’t take human life lightly. A coward and a hero. Highly emotional yet extremely exact and careful. Emotionally intelligent but oddly distant with most. In him existed almost no heroic traits and yet he kept his wits about him while charging headfirst into a dangerous situation and snatched a decisive victory. His brother’s legacy and his foil–a middle point between NMJ and JGY

I think the question of righteousness versus reality are better defined in NHS than in JGY because of this nature too. JGY, for all that he claimed not to be, was a very emotional man with many delusions of his own. He was a man that legitimately thought all of his actions were reasonable and anyone who listened would agree with him. On the other hand, NHS was simultaneously reaching for the stars with his plans but still managed to keep one foot in reality. He knew what he had to work with, knew when he was doing right and when he was crossing a line, and didn’t delude himself into thinking he could get the world on his side. He remained single-mindedly focused on his revenge for ten years and yet showed that he was aware that he still had a life to live and responsibilities to fulfill afterwards by how he carefully planned it out so that nothing would befall on his sect after it was all said and done. Ultimately, he stopped a maniac, avenged his brother, and ended the story with the least amount of innocent blood on his hands. Did that make his way the right way to do things? Who knows. But laying out the facts, it isn’t like you can really call NHS a villain when put side by side with the rest of the cast. But putting motives and morality into the equation, it’s also not as if you can say he was the hero either.

He knew the risk of sending the disciples to Yi City so he made sure to time it with getting wangxian there. It was one group in one city, a controlled environment. Same with what happened at the Mo estate. NHS tries to control how many people will be put in danger and tries to incorporate ways to get as many people out alive as possible. It didn’t always work out perfectly–for example, jin ling got caught up both in the man-eating castle mystery NHS probably helped set up for wangxian AND at the final showdown (which is honestly hilarious to me like 10 years of planning almost ruined twice because jiang wanyin couldn’t manage to keep his kid on a leash). Also the poison ended up failing to kill JGY so he had to get LXC to do it last minute. But he still tried to minimize the people involved in a way that other characters didn’t really seem to think about until it was too late. Arguably the only innocent blood that was really left on NHS’s hands was Mo Xuanyu’s, and he wasn’t exactly unwilling or coerced--he had an agenda too. I suppose the Mo family were caught in the crossfire but tbh I can’t really bring myself to think that they didn’t have it coming. Everyone else got to go home relatively unharmed in the end. In comparison, how many collateral deaths did JGY cause? WWX? Jiang cheng? Even people like NMJ and LXC both participated in a bloody war and in the first siege of the burial mounds? How many more did they hurt because of their lack of planning and preparation? Preparation that NHS did do? How many lives weren’t lost during this whole ordeal simply because NHS didn’t blindly follow his heart?

That being said, it’s not absolution even if you consider NHS a hero. I don’t doubt NHS knew full well that there was a risk of collateral damage with what he was trying to do. I don’t doubt he very carefully set out what was acceptable risk and what wasn’t. I’m not saying he didn’t do any of that. What I am saying is that other characters who weren’t as calculating ended up hurting far more people partially because they didn’t stop to think about the logistics–what could happen, what was acceptable, what would be gained versus what it could cost. These sound like cold and unpleasant thoughts but we come to realize through the mistakes of other characters that never considering them is wildly irresponsible too. So was it worth it? Was it worse for NHS to have done it this way instead of going all out in a fit of rage? Would carrying out justice the “right way” have been worth the damage it might have done? Which would have been more morally acceptable? I think these are questions he asks himself too, especially after it’s all said and done and he’s able to breath for the first time in year, is able to finally see without the red tint of rage

 NHS is a perfectly gray character. I’m not too sure he even understands all his motives. Half the time it’s emotion, half the time is calculated, most of the time it’s a mix of both. He’s flexible and stubborn. A hero and a minor antagonist. He hurt far less people but his methods are definitely questionable at some points. It’s hard to tell with him probably because he doesn’t even have a good grasp of himself. He came into his own in a fit of rage and grief and probably a fair bit of fear. Like most of the other characters, he had to act fast to survive and never would have had the time to parse through all his feelings

[thewickling]

I had this idea floating around my head and I don't really plan on writing it but I want to release this 3zun into the ether.

Possible Tags: Canon Compliant, Arranged Marriage, Post-First Siege of the Burial Mounds, Canon Divergence - Thirteen Years of Wei Wuxian's Death, Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Political Drama, Eventual Polyamorous Relationships, MDZS Compliant

Premise: Madam Jin leverages her position to marry Jin Guangyao off to a sect-rate sect to wholly cut him off from Lanling Jin's sect leader position - LXC and NMJ interfer.

NMJ discovers that XY is only imprisoned and not executed. He prepares to march to Jinlingtai and force them to correct this. He runs into Lan Xichen who is very much did you hear?

Lan Xichen informs Nie Mingjue that Madam Jin plans to marry Jin Guangyao. Tradition and everything means they can't interfer directly without some complicated sect politics fall out. Nie Mingjue doesn't really care but Lan Xichen stops him from being rash.

Obviously, the option is if one of them marries JGY. Between LXC and NMJ, marrying a male spouse has a bigger impact on Lan Xichen's reputation than Nie Mingjue's.

Nie Mingjue does the "okay so if you're looking for someone to marry JGY off to, give him to me". JGS is greedy enough to accept the better proposal.

(Why Nieyao first? If I was treating 3zun like 3 sets of equations, Nielan and Xiyao are easier to solve starting off but opening either a semi-established relations to a JGY/NMJ later is harder. Basically solve the harder line of it first and then squishing LXC seemed seem better in the long run).

You know how LXC teaches JGY the Song of Clarity to get Nieyao to bond? Well, now LXC teaches it help faciliate their marriage :3 JGY actually plays it properly because now his life is tied to NMJ's. We get a bonus, less tempermental NMJ.

There's an uneasy peace in the Unclean Realm where NMJ mostly ignores JGY and JGY tries subtly manipulate NMJ while stablizing his position within the Nie Sect.

That peace breaks when NMJ catches wind of the Jin Sect trying to suppress the Chang Clan to avoid executing Xue Yang. JGY is very obviously attempting to balance his position as a Jin as a NMJ's spouse to stop NMJ from storming Lanling. The fakeness sets off NMJ.

"Stop flitting about, Meng Yao. Don't put on an act in front of me," Nie Mingjue says, swatting the air. "Your thing stopped fazing me ages ago."

"[sic JGY's commentary on class and privilige]. Jin Guangshan would rather bring another illegitimate child back than want me to succeed him! Madam Jin would rather marry me off than allow me to remain in her household."

"Why care about their opinions? They've casted you aside," he says, crossing his arms. His gaze is sharp and harsh but Jin Guangyao cannot recall when has it last been kind to him.

He hisses, "A well fed man believes not the man who starves! I admit my face is thin. How can it be thick? No one bothers to turn their head before they remark on my upbringing."

"Become great," Nie Mingjue states so plainly it pierces. "Make it so everyone who speaks Jin Guangshan's name instead thinks it's a shame that he never acknowledged you. That Madam Jin was shortsighted to marry you off. Why must you mind others? Silence them with your ability."

"What can I achieve? The little progress I made has been thrown into disorder. Who dares deals with me? It's clear I have no support in Lanling." Jin Guangyao spits, "It's obvious to everyone that my husband married me out of obligation. That you depise me. That you rather I vanish. May I ask, how can I achieve anything under these circumstances?"

"Lan Huan clearly favors you. And you're mistaken. I wasn't forced into this marriage," he says.

"I don't know how er-ge convinced you, but it's clear. You hate me." That word slides out more of a sob than an accusation. "Da-ge, I've always wanted to asked - why can't I be forgiven? Both our hands are stained so why do you bring up my desperate actions over and over?"

"I have never raised my saber for personal gain." His brusque manner relays how self-assured he is.

"If I understand correctly, then you say all of the people you killed deserved their deaths?" he laughs, "Then you must abhor me. I can never meet your standards. My hands can never be clean. If you find me so unpleasant, why did you marry me? If I am so unforgivable, why did you ever agree to be my sworn brother?"

"Do you believe anyone can force me into a decision? Whether it was brotherhood or marriage, do you believe anyone would?" he asks, turning his chin up. "No one can make me yield. I agreed for..."

He knows himself. Nie Mingjue accepted the rites to gain some influence over Jin Guangyao. If Lan Xichen were right, there was still room to correct Jin Guangyao's course. But why did he give Jin Guangyao that second chance? Why did he offer him a third? This isn't like him.

Why are you my exception? Nie Mingjue wonders, but says, "I didn't do this to spite you."

Jin Guangyao stills. This is the most ground he's seen Chifeng-zun give to anyone. His mind re-awakens and be pounces.

He questions, "So if I follow your path and risk my ties with the Jin Sect, can we agree to put our pasts behind us and try?"

"I haven't forgiven you."

Jin Guangyao's smile stiffens. "I know. I suspect you never will, but you won't ever convince me on the merits of justice and righteousness for its own sake..."

He slows at the firm set of Nie Mingjue's jaw. He redirects. No, he disarms himself. "Merit and justice won't move me when that seems as prone to temptation as my ambition."

"Meng Yao," Nie Mingjue hisses.

"You ask me to not lie," he grasps Nie Mingjue's hand. "Abstract concepts like that... They can't convince me of anything. If I said otherwise, I'd painting my words in the way you despise."

He inhales sharply. Somehow speaking plainly tastes strange on his tongue. He struggles to arrange his thoughts. He sighs, "I will never be the marriage partner you wished for. We've both done things the other can't accept... Don't forgive me but put it in our past... We understood each other once."

"Can try?" Jin Guangyao flattens his thoughts. "Can we try? I will do my part. Promise to try to understand me?"

And accept me, he thinks, but that never leaves his throat.

Nie Mingjue steps away and it's like he's been thrown down a thousand steps again.

Over his shoulder, he states, "I'll tell Zhonghui to put the conference organization in your hands."

This is their turning point. The first time they've both faced each other and listened in years. Nieyao obviously butt heads a lot but their communication gradually improves. JGY convinces NMJ not to storm Lanling and instead let him try to convince the other sects to pressure JGS.

NMJ gives JGY until the martial conference before he'll do something himself.

LXC visits throughout this period but his force is mainly on rebuilding parts of his sect. He does help JGY convince the other sects to pressure JGS into executing XY.

LXC watches JGY and NMJ get along and at first he's happy but he quickly feels left out. When he realizes that, he becomes ashamed of himself.

Before the trio can confront JGS, he announces at the conference that XY will be executed X time and anyone he doubts his word can witness it themselves.

XY is executed. People see his face. Something about how performative it, how XY moves plans a seed of doubt in JGY but he can't figure out what is off - other than JGS wants the Tiger seal too much to give XY up so easily.

JGY is side-tracked trying to get NMJ to support his watchtower plans. When NMJ finally agrees, JGY focuses on the logistics and getting other sects on board.

We get Nieyao's relationship improving and NMJ realizes his desires first. Unlike LXC, NMJ realizes his feelings, accepts them, and then acts on them nearly instantenously.

JGY does the logical thing when finding out the da-ge that once wanted you dead is like join me in bed - he runs and visits (hides) in the Cloud Recesses for a few days under the guise of watchtower discussions.

LXC notices JGY is distracted and they talk. Upon learning NMJ cares for JGY, LXC feels a pain in his chest. He encourages JGY to act on his heart and points out how NMJ and JGY balance each other out. He obviously wishes them happiness.

JGY decides to give the relationship a chance. As NMJ and JGY's relationship becomes more sincere, LXC pulls away from them.

When LXC realizes his feelings, he struggles. He obviously can't be so terrible as break up their marriage and he can't so shameless to impose on their time insincerely. He thinks of his mother and his father and just sort of falls into a bad spiral.

Okay so while running around trying to convince other sects, JGY notices that the number of missing people has gone up. He goes to the Cloud Recesses and notices something is up with LXC. When LXC doesn't share, he becomes worried and tags in NMJ. As they both invite LXC over more and try to provide help JGY figures out why LXC is like this.

He thinks about it and decides he hasn't fallen for NMJ yet (he's fond of NMJ of course but he wouldn't call it love) and he is no more opposed to LXC than he is to NMJ. He considers his way forward.

Baixue Temple Massacre happens. JGY understands why the execution seems strange to him. XY resisted too well. XY's cultivation is even poorer than JGY - he relies entirely on yin energy. It also clicks that the missing people are because of JGS.

Extremely obviously, everyone but LLJ do an impromptu conference. JGY leverages everything that occurred to get everyone to agree to his tower plans once this over.

JGS has been hermorraging support from the other sects for a while and since JGY has been negiogating with Jiang, Lan, Yu, and other sects for awhile they all support giving Jin Sect and ultimumun and then taking him down.

Before Jin Sect push forward a scapegoat and all publically chase off and kill XY [make it unclear whether XY lives or dies].

Political manuevours make it so that Sects joint ventures will be organized by commitee instead lead by a Chief Cultivator. Jin Sect is forced to pay up for the towers.

You know how there's a limited number of bachelors? All parents with daughters realize "hey so the only big shot sect leaders left are JC and LXC" and then throw their daughters and LXC.

LXC is very very very distressed. It would be insincere of himself to marry when his heart so clearly belongs to others but it is his responsibility to secure an heir for his sect. The sooner he marries, the quicker at ease Lan QIren and the other elders would be. Perhaps he should marry to restrain the shameless desires he has in his heart. Yet he does so, that would be justice to his future wife.

Okay this is where I got stuck (again) because honestly getting LXC to realize his feelings is straightforward, getting him to act on them is hard. He will just suffer silently.

You know what [inserts the author gets to make a forceful step forward]. NMJ is annoyed by all the women surrounding LXC. JGY sees this and after much thought and consideraton decides he wants both NMJ and LXC. He does his best to guide NMJ around to the same thoughts as him.

While all the romance plotty stuff is going on and the trying to get LXC married, like literally everyone - everyone finds JGS sus. Gusu Lan, Qinghe Nie, Yunmeng Jiang, and Meishan Yu under the guise of organizing the watch towers investigate Lanling Jin. They quickly realize that even if XY isn't there that LLJ obviously still has the tiger seal so they start planning a mission to steal the tiger seal.

Their plans work out. The tiger seal is in Qinghe Nie's hands. The Jin Sect is more or less dropping out of power. The four most powerful sects shift to be Gusu Lan, Qinghe Nie, Yunmeng Jiang, and Meishan Yu.

Extremely outraged, Jin Guangshan basically is an idiot and instead of waiting for time to pass so he can regain the LLJ's reputation, he very much targets JGY and tries kill him while he's traveling to supervise the watch tower construction.

JGY goes missing.

LXC feels guilty because he was supposed join JGY but shrugged it off because he was being an angsty bean about his feelings.

Because no one else can stop, LXC is grabbed to stop NMJ from straight up going into LLJ and beheading JGS immediately. NMJ very angry and pissed questions LXC and reveals that JGY likes him and that he thought he did too but LXC like this hurts his eyes.

Cue much higher levels of angst for LXC - but since JGY is gone LXC has to play Clarity for NMJ so they have to spend time together. NMJ refuses to let LXC act he doesn't know about everyone's feelings.

Because I'm terrible planning up to the ending skips. JGS is dead. JGY has been found (but like NMJ & LXC more or less believe JGY caused JGY to die). LLJ sect is in ruins but headed by Madam Jin as regent for Jin Ling.

JC, JGY, and Meishan Yu head basically make it clear that the only reason the Jin Sect still exists is because of their mercy. The only reason they are merciful is because JL. If she dares stirs the waters, they can change things.

LXC tells their elders he doesn't plan to marry any time soon. He's still young. He's young enough that they can't really force him to marry yet. He is very much in a relationship with Nieyao - a budding one and they're still ironing things out.

So this is very choppy and not ironed out because rough outline and thinking things up as I go. Maybe this fic does exist out there somewhere.

I think one of the other reasons I don't think I'd write this is I'd want to figure out a way to leave it open for Wangxian to still happen which unless MXY is driven to summon WWX doesn't work.

[crossdressingdeath]

1/3 Just wondering if you have any opinions on the Lan parents? Frankly I think Qingheng-Jun is a pretty terrible parent (when you compare his and LWJ’s situation with WWX, they were both mourning, but took very different approaches to life) but what about his actual relationship (or lack of relationship) with his wife? I remember the first time I read about them in the novel I just got very uncomfortable because I immediately thought about him forcing this woman to marry him, when I’m

2/3 pretty sure I remember LXC saying that she’d hated him? Maybe I’m remembering that wrong. But then no one in the comment section of the translation I was reading seemed to see a problem with it, so I wasn’t sure if I was reading into things to much. And once I joined the fandom, it looked like people had very different views on the situation. And I guess we really know barely anything about it, and the Lan parents themselves. LXC might’ve said their mother didn’t like their father at first,

3/3 but that could have changed later on since we don’t know how long they’d known each other for before she killed his teacher. We also don’t know the whole story behind the whole murder thing, and the Lans do tend to see things in black and white. And LXC, his perception of these events is shaped by what he was told by his uncle and the other Lan elders. I doubt his mother ever would’ve told him about what happened from her perspective. 

The thing with the Lan parents is that... we really don’t know enough about their situation to say for sure. It’s possible Madam Lan was forced to marry Qingheng-jun and have children against her will; it’s equally possible she agreed to the marriage to save her life and genuinely wanted children. Everything we hear about them comes from biased sources; it’s clear that the Lan elders didn’t approve of Madam Lan and likely passed their views on the situation down to LXC and LWJ. Qingheng-jun was definitely a bad parent (no matter how much you’re grieving you can’t just abandon your children!), and all evidence suggests Madam Lan was a good parent when her children got to see her, but beyond that it’s... really hard to tell. Did Qingheng-jun take advantage of the situation (or even manipulate events to create the situation) in order to force a woman who hated him to marry him and have his children? Maybe. Were they in love, and he proposed the marriage and subsequent imprisonment out of a desperate desire to save her life, with the children following as a natural result? Also maybe. Personally I prefer the latter, just because I don’t like the whole “forced marriage and marital rape which has no real impact on the plot that can’t be dealt with in a less unpleasant way, involves characters who never show up, and doesn’t involve any of that sweet sweet hurt/comfort that I crave” thing, but with the information we have there really isn’t a correct answer to pick. You kind of get to decide based on how you view what little information we’re given and what you’d prefer it to be.

[lwjstiletto]

wangxian au where lwj is a popular hand model and wwx is an independent jewellery maker [Part 1]

[Twitter thread version]

wwx is a go-getter kind of guy. he likes pretty things and pretty people. so his job is a win-win in that he makes pretty things for pretty people— well mostly

lately all his brain has churned out is designs that only the very nice old ladies in his neighbourhood indulgently buy from him

he’s grateful for it but nevertheless it’s been disheartening looking for the elusive muse for his next project

jiang cheng only sighs whenever he mentions this and rants about how if wwx just LISTENED to him and actually put effort into commercialising his bestsellers instead of hyperfocusing on one body part/gem/technique and hopping from one product to the next; and in general just making his business a chaotic mess where clients couldn’t guess what he would put out next, that he would have a better shot

but ofc wwx sighs even more at this and just goes ‘but jiang cheng~’

what kind of argument even is that? but jc lets it go bc wwx supplies him with endless half-finished projects that are complicated-looking enough to give his students a good challenge when drawing still life

so anyways, wwx is still making old lady jewellery and being generally pitiful when he stumbles across an intriguing article on twitter

—•—

lwj on the other hand has been fastening and unfastening his cufflinks for an hour straight. that’s pretty much status quo for hand models who have to spend hours on end either doing repetitive gestures or holding completely still

lwj doesn’t mind though, he has always had steady hands and dextrous fingers, practically an advertiser’s ‘wet dream’ as his agent, nhs, puts it

said agent pulls him aside when it’s finally time for his break. nhs looks harried, which isn’t out of the ordinary, but he’s also not meeting lwj’s eyes which sets of alarm bells in his head

“okay before i tell you,” nhs starts without prompting, “promise not to fire me.”

lwj doesn’t narrow his eyes, but the twitch of his eyebrow is close enough, “i will be fair.”

“that’s not a-“ nhs sighs, “good enough i guess. do you remember that photoshoot you did with da-ge a few months back?”

lwj nods. how could he forget? it had been... an experience for sure. it was a photoshoot for a book cover for a popular teen novel

and while lwj didn’t meet fellow hand models often, he had come across other ‘parts models’ as they were called

spending the better part of two days caressing nmj’s abs was... by far not the most unpleasant job he’d had as a hand model

nhs holds out a copy of the novel for him to see. the cover they used is from the second half of the photoshoot where they took a few wider shots

lwj sees nothing wrong with it. it’s a standard cover, if a bit lewd due to all the... ab touching. in fact the entire cover is just nmj’s abs and wide shoulders

lwj doesn’t think his hands serve any other purpose than obstructing the view in the poorest attempt to keep it pg. still he fails to see the problem

nhs wrings his hands together, “there was a blog post about it. do you know anyone named su she?”

lwj thinks for a moment, then vaguely recalls the name with a sinking realisation

—•—

wwx is still thinking about the article when jin zixuan comes to drop jin ling off at his apartment. unprompted, wwx asks him, “do you think i could sell feet pics?”

he can see jzx’s soul leave his body as he drops jin ling’s overnight bag on the pavement. wwx’s favourite new hobby is dropping these bombs on jzx and watching him dissociate from reality as he tries to answer wwx’s insane questions with logic

being a father has changed him. a few years ago he would have just slammed the nearest door in wwx’s face

“why... do you want to sell feet pics? is your business not going well?” jzx asks, and actually looks concerned. well, now wwx feels bad

“my business is just fine.” wwx says grumpily

“really? jiang cheng and yanli seem to think otherwise.”

“you eavesdropped on them didn’t you?”

jzx is entirely unashamed, “i’m just concerned.”

“again, my business is fine!”

“you know if you ever needed money-“

wwx turns jzx around and pushes him towards his car, “don’t you have things to do? get jin ling out of the car seat, it’s getting late.”

since the peacock has acquired immunity to his teasing by straight up being ~nice~ to him, it’s only fair that wwx sends jin ling back with so many new toys that they will take up at least a whole corner in his unnecessarily gigantic home

—•—

lwj meets his brother for iced tea at a cafe near huaisang’s office. lwj does not like iced tea but has deliberately kept this from his brother because lxc loves it and has made it his personal mission to try every iced tea flavour he can get his hands on

it is also the easiest way to lure his brother out of his busy schedule. lwj knows lxc would take time to meet him anyway, but he wants lxc to indulge in something he likes once in a while

“wangji, you seem restless.” lxc says, concerned

lwj takes a tentative sip of his black currant iced tea. it’s abhorrent

“do you remember su she?” lwj asks

lxc, “the one from your cello class?”

lwj nods

“the one who broke his string and his bow in the same day?” lxc asks, almost looking amused

lwj winces, “yes.”

“did he ever come back to the class after that?” lxc asks

lwj shakes his head, then taps the glass with a gloved finger

“has he been bothering you again?” lxc asks seriously, “if he has-“

“it’s-“ lwj sighs, “complicated.”

before lxc can make assumptions, lwj unlocks his phone and shows it to lxc

lxc reads silently for a minute or two, then his eyes widen. “he posted this on the novel’s discussion forum?”

lwj nods

“how did he even-“ lxc says, then pauses in thought, “is it because of the cello class?”

“mn, perhaps.” lwj says, “he saw the book cover i did with huaisang’s brother. he is a fan of the novel.”

“so he went and researched the models who were on the cover?” lxc frowns, “how did he even find that?”

“my name is public information.” lwj says, “it would certainly be hard to find, but it is available nonetheless.”

“are you going to be okay?” lxc asks.

“i am worried it will impact your reputation. my job is not... conventional.” lwj doesn’t meet his brother’s gaze

“wangji, that is the least of my concerns. you did not want to do conventional modelling by choice.” lxc says

he isn’t wrong, lwj hadn’t wanted to have his face photographed, it had never appealed to him. no matter how many compliments he received on his looks

his popularity started and ended within the advertising circle and nhs never offered him jobs he didn’t want. putting a face to his popular hand modelling career was not an ideal situation

especially since it had reached a lot of the novel’s fans who’d begun discussing him on other social media platforms

“i will handle this.” lxc says, “this is not right. you especially drew up contracts with advertisers to avoid this situation.”

“brother-“ lwj starts

“he should not have posted pictures of you.” lxc isn’t even drinking his iced tea, lwj notes

“it is already out. there is not much we can do.” lwj says reasonably

lxc doesn’t quite seethe but he doesn’t touch his iced coffee again

—•—

wwx finally admits to himself that he may be experiencing a slump. he hasn’t touched his tools in two months and his work bench has acquired a thick layer of dust on which jin ling drew a frowny face with his fingers then immediately tried to lick them

and what does one do when lacking motivation? harrass his brother in his cushy office at the university of course

to his credit, jc lets him prace around and poke at his things for a solid ten seconds before snapping at him. which means he and jyl must actually be worried about him

“wei wuxian” jc says through clenched teeth when wwx has pushed the paperweight on his desk to the very edge, trying to see how far jc would let him take it

ah, so not worried enough to break into his house at night, wwx notes

“so, do you think i could sell foot pics?” wwx uses his favourite new icebreaker

jc puts his head in his hands like wwx put the worlds’ weight on his shoulders. if he listens closely, he’s sure he can hear a repetition of ‘why why why why’ in jc’s head

“why...” jc forces himself to say

wwx shurgs with a grin, “i read an article about it. apparently a lot of people are into feet.”

“into... feet...” jc says

“yeah like they get off-“

jc holds up a hand to stop him, “i get it. did you come all the way across the city to ask me this?”

“yes and no.” wwx says, “i wanted to ask if you could draw me some.”

“some... feet...?” jc is going to kick him out soon, wwx can feel it

wwx places his chin in both his hands and tries to look pitiful, “isn’t it better than me buying foot pics? think of how that would reflect on you if anyone found out.”

jc feels a headache coming on, “please tell me you’re using them as reference to design anklets or something.”

wwx laughs, “of course! what did you think?”

jc glares at him, “i will ban you from campus.”

wwx bothers him a bit more and then gets thrown out more gently than he has come to expect from jc, still not sure if jc will actually fulfill his request

and maybe it’s because his luck has been down for too long that life took pity and decided to throw something good at him, he turns the corner to see one of the most beautiful men he has laid his eyes on

his attention is focused on the folder in his hands, and it’s late enough that there are no students milling the corridors. this is probably why the aforementioned beautiful, stunning, abolutely breathtaki- man manages to walk straight into wwx

several things happen at once. wwx sees it coming unlike the other person, so he reaches out to steady him. turns out there isn’t much need of that because the man gets his bearings back alarmingly fast for someone caught by surprise

the folder in his hands does not have similar balance though, and falls to the floor, splattering it’s contents halfway across the hallway

the man looks... well neutral, but the speed at which he drops to his knees lets wwx know that it’s not something he wants wwx to see

which, of course has the opposite effect. when wwx looks down to see the photographs that have not yet been put back into the folder- he is left speechless for once

the immediate and most obvious explanation is that this guy is an art student who is using these pictures as reference... but of course wwx’s first thought is Oh mY gOd this guy has a hand fetish because his talk with jc is still fresh in his head

once that thought is in his head, wwx notices a number of things in quick sequence

this dude looks uncharacteristically nervous for an innocent art student, and he’s wearing GLOVES like a CRIMINAL who’s STEALING pictures of those pretty hands from an art class for his own pleasure

art students don’t wear gloves, especially not in the middle of summer! and no one can possibly require that many pictures for just one body part

satisfied with his reasonable conclusion, wwx opens his mouth to accuse the man only to realise that he is upright once again with all his stolen pictures securely in his folder

“are you stealing those?” wwx asks straightforwardly

the man actually does seem to be caught off-guard for longer than two seconds this time

then he proceeds to walk past wwx

“hey wait!” wwx blocks his path again, “i get it, you know? we all have needs and i’m totally not judging you for it. but there are sites for this stuff.”

the man finally looks at him, and wow he’s even more attractive than wwx first thought and his eyes are so pretty and- he walks past wwx again

wwx, yet again, catches up to him and decides that walking beside him is more effective. “good quality photography like that is usually quite expensive you know?”

the man continues to ignore him so wwx grabs the folder in his hands and gives it a good yank

“what are you doing?” the man finally speaks. even his voice is nice. wwx is sure people would send him hand pics for free if he asked

“returning this to the rightful owner.” wwx holds the folder out of his reach

the man takes a deep breath, then pulls at one of his satin gloves- SATIN, how did wwx not notice that- and holds his beautiful hand up to wwx’s face

wwx’s brain immediately short circuits as he thinks ‘maybe ~I~ am the one with a hand fetish’ because that’s... one pretty hand

one... familiar hand. the same even tone, smooth skin and long, elegant fingers with perfectly manicured nails...

while he stands there, gaping like a fish, the man snatches the folder out of his hand and starts walking away with quicker strides

by the time wwx’s brain reboots and the realisation finally sinks in- he has finally found the muse he has been looking for- the man is already gone

—•—

lwj admits that he is... slightly stressed out, and is definitely showing enough signs of it that nhs has caught on

“you went to visit wen qing yesterday.” it’s not a question so lwj doesn’t answer. “did you perhaps run into an old acquaintance?”

lwj shakes his head, “it is not what you think.”

this sparks curiosity in nhs which is a toss up between better and worse than the implication that lwj’s stress stems from accidentally meeting su she at the university

“did you run into a fan?” nhs asks and it’s actually a reasonable concern since lwj wants to avoid even being /known/ at all costs

lwj shakes his head. he trusts nhs which isn’t as surprising now as it had been to him years ago when he had agreed to give nhs free reign over the work he chose for lwj

“somebody from the university knows of my identity.” lwj says finally.

nhs seems to think it over, “it was inevitable. even after taking down the blog post, people are still curious about you.”

lwj wants to tell him that it’s actually his fault but he stays silent as nhs continues his train of thought.

“you’re exciting because people have seen you without actually seeing you. you’ve worked with big brands and celebrities and it normally wouldn’t spark interest-

- but unfortunately for you, you are attractive. it will die down after a while, we just have to ride it out for now.” nhs concludes.

lwj nods, feeling reassured. nhs is usually right about these things, which is why lwj regards him so highly

he has a video shoot for some fancy kitchen installation company after that, and he tries not to think about the man who accused him of stealing his own pictures while he very slowly chops a mango on the surely unsanitary granite counter

he’s working with a photographer he knows well, one of the best in his line of work. song lan has a good eye for what would look enticing in an advert and doesn’t make him do weird, suggestive things like kneading dough in slow motion. lwj suppresses a shudder at the thought

after cutting enough magoes to feed ten people, the shoot finally wraps up and one of the PAs on the set holds out a basin for him to wash his hands in

the warm water is soothing to his aching fingers and he lets his hands soak but not for longer than a few seconds to prevent his skin from pruning. he then rubs the special concoction that is his version of the best moisturiser and puts his hands in soft cotton gloves

song lan comes to greet him after and expresses his sympathies about his pictures making rounds on the internet

lwj’s eyes widen ever so slightly, “you know of it?”

“my boyfriend is a fan.” he says with a fond shake of his head, “otherwise i’d have no idea.”

luckily before lwj can start to panic, nhs trots up to them and the conversation ends there as he’s dragged to his next shoot

—•—

“for the last time, i don’t know your ‘guy with pretty hands’.” jc says, exasperated. “what’s with you and body parts nowadays? if it’s a kink thing.. please rethink your life.”

wwx sighs. he knew going to jc was useless, but at least it confirmed his suspicion that the guy isn’t an art student

however, that makes the task of finding him and then begging him to model wwx’s jewellery harder. because yes, wwx has spent the last five days cooped up in his workshop making complex hand chains

now if he only had more than a memory to draw inspiration from...

it’s frustrating. wwx should have at least asked for his name and number. how can he be this stupid?

“very easily.” is jc’s reply to this

“jiang chengggg.” wwx whines, “i have to find him or my creativity will die a horrible death.”

jc looks like he is ageing before his eyes. “if i ask around the staff will you promise to only come to my office during emergencies? you’re freaking my students out.”

“yes!” wwx agrees enthusiastically, then frowns. “freaking them out? i’m so nice to everyone!”

“you tried to get at least five of my students to draw your pretty boy from description.” jc deadpans, “they think he’s a criminal.”

“a criminal after my heart, aha!” wwx says with finger guns.. and gets thrown out by jc for his efforts. it’s less gentle this time

a few days later, jc calls him, “apparently ‘his identity needs to be protected’. is he actually a criminal?”

“he was wearing gloves...” wwx mutters, “i’m kidding! not about the gloves, but i don’t think he’s a criminal.”

jc makes a doubtful noise on the other end. “well, whatever. so yeah, anyway, i can’t get wen qing to tell me anything. you can come bully her yourself if you dare to.”

“why does it have to be wen qing?” wwx groans, “she’ll roast me on low flame before she tells me anything. why couldn’t it be wen ning— wait. wen ning probably knows him too. jiang cheng i’m a genius!”

jc hangs up on him but it doesn’t dampen his spirits at all. he’s so close to finding him.

—•—

shoots where he has to hold objects for an extended period of time are already unkind to his muscles, but holding objects with /postures/ is even worse. his fingers are so stiff after his seven hour shoot with swarovski that when one of the assistants on set hands him a cup of warm tea, it slips right through his grip and shatters on the ground unceremoniously

everyone freezes, and then start to buzz around him, asking if he is feeling unwell or if he needs to sit down. because lwj never drops /anything/. it’s in his job description NOT to drop anything

god, lwj hates jewellery shoots the most

nhs hears about this, ofc. lwj suspects he can be at multiple places at a time. so lwj is neatly packed into a SUV and sent away to get a relaxing massage and manicure

lwj would usually put up a fight but his muscles have been aching for days and nhs has theatened to text his brother at least three times this week. he doesn’t want to risk a fourth

wen ning, the meek but kind masseuse greets him with a bow, “lan er-gongzi, are you well?”

lwj nods, and is about to ask about wn as well when he hears the door of the masseuse parlour bang open behind him

“you!” comes a shout and lwj turns around, alarmed

the man who accused him of stealing his own pictures is standing there, pointing a finger at him

“if i was unclear the last time, i did not steal those photographs.” lwj says

the man seems stunned for two seconds, then frowns. “steal.. i know that you didn’t steal them.”

lwj nods, then starts to walk further into the parlour- except for the hand that grips and brings him to a stop. lwj would usually rip his hand away, but the slight pressure sends pain shooting up his arm

and lwj definitely didn’t realise how stiff his muscles were until then. he must have made a noise, a mixture between surprise and a wince, because the man lets go immediately

“are you okay?” he asks, looking alarmed

lwj closes his eyes to compose himself

“wei-gongzi, what are you doing here?” lwj hears wen ning ask

“i came to find him.” the man replies

lwj’s eyes open in shock. find him? does he know of lwj’s identity? is he a fan of the novel? this has gotten way bigger than either lwj or nhs predicted if people are actively seeking him out

“i think you have misunderstood.” lwj says, projecting a calm exterior even though he’s feeling a little cornered. cornered.. by a single person... what has his life come to?

but today it’s one person, next... he doesn’t even want to think about it. he has never wanted to be in the public light and does not want the /crowd/ and god forbid- the /noise/ that comes with it

he had gotten comfortable in the happy equilibrium of popularity and anonymity- the only thing which had lured him into accepting this job and has kept him in it thus far

... and it seems to be crumbling right before his eyes

“what? no i haven’t. i wouldn’t forget your face.” the man says, “hey stop running away-“

but lwj is already walking past him to exit the massage parlour. he needs to call someone. nhs most probably. or a cab.

the other man is speedy though, and blocks him right at the door, extending his arms and legs to cover the width of the opening as if lwj was thinking of sneaking around him. (he was, but that’s not the point)

“okay maybe i’ve come across as creepier than expected.” the man says, “but i swear i just want your hands!”

[wen ning shakes his head furiously in the background]

the panic lwj feels must be enough to be showing on his usually blank face, because the man backtracks

“i mean- no- that came off as even creepier oh my god. i’m not a serial killer, i promise.”

[wen ning makes a big X over his head with his arms]

the man takes a deep breath and actually seems to think before speaking this time, “hi, my name is wei ying. i’m a jeweller by profession. what’s your name?”

“move aside.” lwj says.

“do you promise not to run and actually hear me out? because it was so hard to track you down, god, it took me a week!”

[wn texting nhs: pls come and save lwj i think he’s about to faint]

“a week...” lwj says, “you tracked me down for a week?”

“no! i mean yes but not in a stalker way!” wwx seems to be having a mini meltdown, “you know just nice good ol’ asking around about the cute guy i saw at the uni... not... stalking...”

luckily lwj’s phone begins to ring, cutting wwx off. [wen ning is very thankful for this. he doesn’t think having the police here would be good for business]

“brother.” lwj says, still a little strung up

“wangji, i’m almost there.”

“what?”

“huaisang told me you were ill,” lxc says, “and i was in the area so i told him i’d take you to the doctor.”

lwj turns to give wen ning a scathing look. “he exaggerated. i’m fine. you don’t have to come here.”

lwj doesn’t think his brother will take the fact that he has acquired a stalker well

“i’m outside.” lxc says

lwj resists the urge to sigh. he’s going to strangle everyone in this room, then himself

“i’ll be there in a minute then.” lwj says.

“i’m making my way to the parlour.” lxc says, disregarding him completely

“brother i can walk.” lwj says calmly. murder is on his mind.

lxc hangs up on him. lwj actually sighs this time.

“if you don’t want my brother to report you, you need to move aside.” lwj says to wwx.

wwx opens his mouth as if he wants to continue to dig himself into a hole, but then moves aside degectedly

then he removes a business card from his wallet and puts it in lwj’s shirt pocket.

“you can look me up, i’m not lying. i really am a jeweller and i’d like to work with you.” he says

before lwj can protest, lxc is already at the entrance, carrying what looks like half the pharmacy in a paperbag

“wangji.” he greets, and then pauses to nod politely at the other men, “let’s go.”

lwj follows him silently

—•—

wen ning sighs and flips the sign on the door to ‘closed’ resigning to the fact that wwx will remain a permanent fixture on his floor for a while

“so you thought he was a creepy thief and now he thinks you’re a creepy stalker?” wn asks.

wwx, who has told him all of this between groans, groans again.

“do you... want a free massage?” wn offers

“yes.”

lwj fights the urge to touch his shirt pocket while in the car with lxc.

“you need to go to the hospital wangji, you don’t look well.” lxc insists

“i will eat every medicine in that bag if you drop me off at huaisang’s office.” lwj replies

lxc looks alarmed, “you’ll definitely need to go to the hospital then.”

“i will eat every medicine in that bag if you /don’t/ drop me off at huaisang’s office.” lwj amends, neatly closing all the loopholes

“at least let me come with you.” lxc says in his last ditch attempt to find out exactly what has left his brother so rattled

“i will eat-“

“fine okay. i just worry about you, you know? you never tell me when something is bothering you anymore.” lxc says

“if it is important, i will tell you.” lwj says. he doesn’t want lxc to worry but also doesn’t want to lie.

lxc nods, accepting this, then turns the car around

—•—

“wei wuxian.” nhs raises an eyebrow at the card lwj has placed on his table. “this is the man who has been stalking you?”

lwj nods.

“are you certain?” nhs asks, looking conflicted.

lwj gives him a look.

“okay, okay! just making sure!” nhs says, raising his palms in defence.

“you know of him.” lwj states.

“well,” nhs says, “he didn’t lie to you, he really is a jeweller. he is very elusive though. he tends to drop these groundbreaking collections every fall and then disappears.”

lwj tries to align the man he met today with this talented, cryptic jeweller persona. if they really are the same person, then perhaps unhinged genius fits him better.

“if he’s serious about working with you...” nhs gets a gleam in his eyes that lwj doesn’t like. this is /not/ how he pictured this conversation going. he’s slowly but surely developing a migrane

“look, i’m never going to force you to do anything.” nhs says, “but will you let me speak to him first? i want to know if this he’s the real deal of if we need a restraining order.”

restraining order. this is escalating way past lwj’s mental capacity at the moment.

nhs seems to see that, “you need to go home and rest. i’ll have a masseuse meet you there. let me handle this.”

he says it with such firm conviction that lwj has no choice but to trust him, so he nods.

[Part 2] [Part 3]

[ibijau]

I guess the question I have for the nhs is a half demon au is: what reason are we going to give for lxc to marry him after he comes back from visiting his mom? Also is he going to save wwx?

wwx did well for himself while nhs was off to live his little demon life, but he is the first person nhs visits upon returning among humans, because he's heard some concerning rumours...

On AO3

Small feet ran to the entrance of the cave, only slowing down at the very last moment and stopping just shy of actually coming in.

“Xian-gege, there’s a person at the gate,” Wen Yuan announced, careful to not actually shout.

Wei Wuxian smiled to himself, proud as always of this most excellent young boy he was helping raise, who obeyed rules much better than Wei Wuxian himself had ever done in his life.

“What sort of person?” Wei Wuxian asked, still hunched over his latest prototype. He was getting somewhere with this, he knew it. He just had to figure out how to…

“It’s an odd person,” Wen Yuan announced. “He says he’s here to see you.”

That was hardly news. Most of the visitors they'd had these last five years had come to the Burial Mounds to see Wei Wuxian. Sometimes, Lan Xichen would also come to see his brother and give them money. And in recent months, some people from the area had started coming to see Wen Qing in hopes she might cure them. But still, people mostly came for Wei Wuxian, either because they wanted to kill him, or because they wanted to join him. Either way, they were usually rejected.

“Did that man give his name?”

“He didn’t,” Wen Yuan announced, sounding indignant that anyone would be so rude. “He says you have to come see him, and then you’ll know him, and you’ll let him in. He sounded very sure.”

That intrigued Wei Wuxian enough to make him look up from his work and walk up to join Wen Yuan. A lot of people knew him, but there weren’t that many he knew, few of which would be sure to be allowed on the Burial Mounds, fewer still who would wish to be there at all. Jiang Cheng was the only person that came to mind, but he’d been around a few times in the years since Wei Wuxian had left Yunmeng Jiang, and Wen Yuan knew him well. Who else, then?

“That man, did he have any trouble walking?”

Wen Yuan shook his head. So it couldn’t be Jin Zixuan then. With his wooden leg, the climb to the gate would have been difficult anyway, and he would not have come unannounced.

“What did he look like?” Wei Wuxian asked, growing puzzled enough to consider meeting the stranger.

“He has a nice face, but it’s weird because of his eyes,” Wen Yuan said. “And he’s dressed with very good fabric, even better than Jiang-gege. And there’s a lot of teeth when he smiles.”

Without a word, Wei Wuxian started walking, with Wen Yuan following him. He didn’t like that description at all. He had hardly met him personally, but he’d heard about that boy in the Jin sect, that Xue Yang who was apparently trying to reproduce some of Wei Wuxian’s creations, with some success. He had an odd smile, Lan Xichen had said once when talking about him, so maybe…

“Oh, and there’s one more thing,” Wen Yuan said, slapping the side of his head. “I should have said first! But he has a mark on his forehead, it’s very red and looks a bit like a flame.”

Wei Wuxian froze.

“Xian-gege?”

“Go get Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian ordered. “Tell him there’s an emergency and I need him at the gate immediately. Wen Ning too. And tell Wen Qing to take everyone else to the hideout. No matter what, none of you are coming out until we come to get you. Go! Now!”

Frightened to see him so serious, Wen Yuan didn’t ask any question and scampered away as fast as his legs would take him. Wei Wuxian for his part hurried toward the gate after having made sure he had everything he’d need for a fight, knowing thing might turn vicious if he was right. He cursed as he walked, and hoped to be wrong about the identity of their visitor.

When he reached the gate and saw the man standing there, Wei Wuxian almost believed for a second that he’d been wrong indeed. The stranger, who had his back to the gate, was too tall, his shoulders too broad. But then, hearing that someone was approaching, the man turned to look at Wei Wuxian, and there was no mistake possible.

“Wei-xiong, it’s been a while,” Nie Huaisang said, smiling as if they were old friends who hadn’t seen each other for a few years. “You look worse than I remembered, but better than I expected.”

“Nie-xiong, it’s pretty bold of you to come here after what you’ve done,” Wei Wuxian retorted. “Couldn’t you have made it easier for everyone and stayed dead?”

Nie Huaisang's smile got wider, showing just a little more teeth than a mortal's would have. He looked better than he'd done last time Wei Wuxian had seen him. Healthier and a lot more confident. And why not? Last they'd been around each other, Nie Huaisang had been terrified someone might try to kill him, but he'd now proved just how difficult that would be.

“I would have, but some news reached me that forced me to rejoin the human world after all these years. Wei-xiong, won’t you let me in?”

“I hope you understand why I’d rather not. You have a history of slaughtering people I’d rather not see repeated.”

Nie Huaisang frowned and pinched his lips, looking almost sincerely hurt by the reminder of his past deeds.

“I’ve been told your shijie recovered,” he said in a softer tone, sounding more like the boy Wei Wuxian had studied with in Gusu. “And that Jin Zixuan too is… well, he’s alive, right? Don’t they even have a son?”

“They’re both doing as well as they can, no thanks to you.”

Again, Nie Huaisang looked wounded by the accusation. Wei Wuxian remembered how his old friend had been after the reveal of his true nature, the way he’d desperately tried to hide what he was, the terror he’d expressed in every letter they had exchanged… Still, what had been done couldn’t be changed, and Wei Wuxian hadn’t survived this long by trusting just anyone.

If anything, it was Nie Huaisang’s example who had taught him to be wary.

“Wei-xiong, you remember when we were in the Cloud Recesses together, and we made realgar wine a little before you were kicked out?” Nie Huaisang suddenly asked and though surprised by the change of topic, Wei Wuxian nodded. “All the other Nie disciples with us were quite stunned,” Nie Huaisang reminisced with a sad smile. “They’d never seen me drunk before. It’s a skill I’ve always had, though nobody at home really knew why. I can eat anything, drink anything, and never get sick… anything but realgar, which affects me badly, I’ve found since.”

Without thinking, Wei Wuxian nodded again. Realgar was used to ward off evil, and it was said to have a particularly strong effect on demons. That particular time, Nie Huaisang had only had one small sip because he’d found the smell of realgar wine unpleasant, and just that single sip had made him violently sick, and so irritable he'd bitten Jiang Cheng who'd only wanted to check on him… though of course most people would be in a bad mood after vomiting that much. At the time, none of them had thought there was anything odd with that.

Yet if he’d had more wine than that, Nie Huaisang might have died, or attacked his friends.

“It wasn’t the time of year for realgar wine,” Wei Wuxian noted, feeling himself grow more curious than angry. “So find a better excuse.”

“It wasn’t the season for it, and I didn’t notice the difference in smell,” Nie Huaisang agreed. “But the person who helped me recover from my wounds assured me that my blood was tainted by realgar, and I’ve learned since that there are ways to cover the taste, or to increase the effect. And Jin Zixun was ever so insistent on making me drink that day. Funny, when we’d never been close. Or indeed when I had been promised that he wouldn’t be there, since I didn’t much care for him.”

It was something that had always puzzled them indeed. Not just Wei Wuxian, but Lan Wangji too, and even Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli when they’d had a chance to speak about that. As far as everyone had known, Jin Zixun had been in hiding at that time, terrified that Wei Wuxian might try to kill him for what he’d done to Wen Ning and his family. And Jin Zixun had been quite vocal regarding what he thought should be done to Nie Huaisang, too.

Odd that he’d come to a Night Hunt where were present not only Wei Wuxian’s beloved shijie, but also the terrifying demon that terrorized everyone.

It sounded a lot braver than Jin Zixun had ever been known to be.

“It’s easy to blame a dead man,” Wei Wuxian remarked.

“And it’s easy to blame a demon,” Nie Huaisang retorted. “Especially for someone who’d have the demon’s trust. Funny also how this incident ensured that Qinghe Nie became isolated and despised, just when it was considered the one sect which might have stood against Lanling Jin’s ambitions.”

Wei Wuxian shrugged. He’d personally also profited quite a bit from this conflict between the Nies and the Jins.

It had distracted everyone from what he was doing in Yiling. By the time the Jins had emerged fully victorious from that political battle, Wei Wuxian’s presence in the Burial Mound had been secure, while the Jins had been too busy securing their new power to think of attacking him. Besides, with him no longer part of Yunmeng Jiang and thus not involved in politics, and with his actions having made it clear that he wasn’t a threat, everyone had found it easier to leave him alone. Sometimes someone would still wonder if he should be annihilated, but a few words from Lan Xichen or Jiang Cheng seemed to usually be enough to put an end to that, at least for now.

Everyone might start thinking differently if he associated with a demon though.

“Supposing I believe you,” Wei Wuxian said, and he was ready enough to believe Nie Huaisang, demon or not. “I’m not sure what I can do for you.”

“Don’t think of it as you doing something for me, Wei-xiong. Think of it as the two of us teaming up to protect our families. You see, demons gossip just as much as mortals do, and I’ve been hearing a few worrying things while living with them. There’s a reason I know your shijie has a son, you see.”

Wei Wuxian shivered, but before he could ask for details, Wen Ning and Lan Wangji arrived at last. They were both stunned to see Nie Huaisang, though Lan Wangji had to be the more shocked of the two, since he would actually recognise the young man, while Wen Ning had never met him before.

Smiling faintly, Nie Huaisang bowed elegantly to the two newcomers, as if this were but an ordinary meeting between old friends.

“Lan gongzi, I did not expect you had really come to live here!” Nie Huaisang exclaimed with something like real joy. “I suppose gossip these days carries more truth than I’d have expected.”

“Fine, I’ll bite,” Wei Wuxian said. “What have you heard about my shijie and her son?”

“Let me come in,” Nie Huaisang replied. “And then we can talk.”

It felt like a trap, and maybe it was one.

Even after having disappeared for years, Nie Huaisang knew Wei Wuxian’s weaknesses. It had been a mistake perhaps to write to him back then, to confide in him, to stay his friend when the rest of the world shunned him… but Wei Wuxian too had needed a friend after the Sunshot Campaign, and Nie Huaisang had never judged him for what he’d done, not even before his demon blood was revealed.

This was a mistake.

And yet, Wei Wuxian opened the gate.

[ibijau]

I saw a post about, not sure where god!lxc fic goes next? I assume nhs insists on going back to the cave to make a proper offering. Lxc accompanies b/c nhs is still a little sick and nmj is busy. Nhs continues panicking about this uber-powerful god. Lxc enjoys the offering, it's nice, but not the panicking, and hey he committed to being honest? so he tells nhs he's the god. This does not have the calming effect he was hoping for --the anon who got super excited about god!lxc can't read sideplot

ok so, didn’t quite use all of that, but big thanks anon for giving me a way to at least write a little more on that AU which is very dear to me

Price of Wishes on AO3 (can’t remember my tumblr tag for it... orz)

Lan Xichen stares at the altar.

It is a small one, hurriedly installed among others inside the Unclean Realm. Its only decoration is a bolt of pale embroidered fabric from which Nie Huaisang apparently once wanted to have a robe made, and a portrait of Lan Xichen that Nie Huaisang personally painted, as promised in the temple. It doesn’t look like Lan Xichen does in this mortal form, and it probably doesn’t look the way he once did as a god, but the main attributes of his last remaining statue are there.

How long has it been since he was granted a new altar? Not since before this Nie sect even came to be, he thinks.

And now not only was he given this altar, but there are offerings on it. Nie Huaisang put incense to burn and offered flowers and rice, yes, but surprisingly others did the same, and thanked Lan Xichen for keeping their young master safe when he ran away. Even the stern Nie Mingjue, who clearly didn’t share his brother’s certainty about a godly intervention, still lit up some incense and bowed before the altar, simply because he realised how much it mattered to Nie Huaisang.

It had been a flight of fancy to help that boy and get him into the temple, just a sudden impulse to feel like a real god again, but Lan Xichen finds himself more than rewarded for this kindness. If he can keep this up, if they continue honouring him, he might well survive a century more.

Lan Xichen had forgotten what hope feels like.

But hope or not, Lan Xichen knows to whom he owes this. As days pass, he sticks close to Nie Huaisang, who is currently his strongest believer. Even the old lady, dear to Lan Xichen as she is, never had such unwavering faith in his power. She prays to him mostly out of habit, while Nie Huaisang does so out of conviction. Being near him feels like stepping into the sun after an eternity in darkness, and Lan Xichen cannot get enough of the sensation.

Besides, if they are to be married, he needs to know more about the young man whose life he will share.

Nie Huaisang is an interesting person, Lan Xichen thinks. He acts a little spoiled, but of course he is young, and Lan Xichen vaguely understands that the Nie family has gone through rough times in the recent past, and Nie Huaisang’s childishness might be how he dealt with it. At his core, Nie Huaisang is more serious than he lets on. For example, he is determined to fully repay the debt he contracted toward Lan Xichen. The altar he set up is but a first step. In spite of his brother’s warnings, Nie Huaisang has inquired what it would cost to have a safe road to the mountain temple, just as he promised to do. In fact, he goes beyond his promise, determined to find every possible detail about Lan Xichen so that he may be worshipped properly. To that end, he spends day after day in Qinghe Nie’s immensely rich library, reading through books with a speed which astonishes Lan Xichen, writing letters to make inquiries as if it is the easiest thing in the world.

Lan Xichen thinks Nie Huaisang might just be the cleverest person he has ever met, and the most stubborn as well. Both are qualities he appreciates in a follower, and in a person.

It’s quite funny to Lan Xichen to realise that Nie Huaisang is considered lazy. Perhaps he only puts efforts into things that interest him. Lan Xichen, of course, is glad to be one of those things.

In general, he’s just glad to be around Nie Huaisang. The steady warmth of belief is quite nice, of course, but that’s not the only reason. Nie Huaisang, although he apparently realises to some degree that Lan Xichen shouldn’t exist as a mortal, still tries hard to be kind to him. He gives him delicious foods, and tries to find subtle ways to look for gaps in Lan Xichen’s knowledge of the mortal world so he can fill him in and help him fit in better. He is a pleasant person to talk to, a pleasant person to silently spend time with, a pleasant person to look at even, his youthful face showing every sign that he will develop into a handsome man someday.

In just this little time, Lan Xichen finds himself quite fond of this little mortal. It won’t be unpleasant to marry him as agreed.

First, though, Nie Huaisang must mature. And part of that means heading out toward the Cloud Recesses, where Lan Xichen himself is supposed to come from, according to the narrative Nie Huaisang demanded in his prayer. It is a stressful perspective, since Lan Xichen isn’t sure he is quite strong enough to shift reality around people who have much stronger reasons to refuse his intrusion into their life, but he will try his best. It is the deal he made with Nie Huaisang, and he will see it through.

To Lan Xichen’s relief, just before they are set to head south toward Gusu, Nie Huaisang begs his brother for a full ceremony at the mountain temple, with incense and prayers and everything that can be done to honour Lan Xichen. Nie Mingjue grumbles and complains and even gets angry, but he eventually gives in, as seems to be common for him when his brother makes a request. Nie Mingjue is a wise man, and he apparently understands that little can be done when Nie Huaisang is in a mood to be stubborn about something.

So the three of them head out into the mountain, followed by a few Nie disciples who carry food offerings and some tools to clean the temple.

The temple’s floors are swiped clean. Rubbles are removed. The nearly faceless statue has its layers of dust carefully cleaned away by Nie Huaisang who climbed on its pedestal so he can reach every part, revealing details that Lan Xichen himself had forgotten. There are even some traces of colour here and there.

“I’ll have to make another portrait,” Nie Huaisang notes. “Mine isn’t accurate at all after all.”

“I’m sure this god is already more than happy with what you have given him,” Lan Xichen says, lifting his gaze from the altar he’s wiping clean. It is a struggle to keep himself from crying from joy, and his voice comes out a little strangled, but Nie Huaisang doesn’t appear to notice.

“I need to do better,” Nie Huaisang says with a shiver. “I cannot risk offending him.”

He sounds almost afraid, and his hands tremble slightly as he carefully dusts the statue. Lan Xichen stares at him a moment more, and sighs.

However pleasant everything else has been, this is one thing that doesn’t sit right with him. For whatever reason, Nie Huaisang seems to be afraid of his god self, and it taints his every prayer. This doesn’t change the value of those prayers, it doesn’t make his belief any less strong and valuable, but Lan Xichen can feel that fear almost constantly and he doesn’t enjoy it. He is too used to the old lady’s belief, simple and companionable. She treats him like an old friend to whom she can make requests, and he wishes Nie Huaisang would do the same. They are set to be married, it is the deal, and Lan Xichen doesn’t like the idea of a union set in fear. 

“I am sure that god would not be offended,” Lan Xichen quietly insists. “You haven’t found anything about him in all your books and your letters, have you? So he must not be a very important god, and your efforts are sure to have been noticed and appreciated.”

“But it’s not enough,” Nie Huaisang retorts, gritting his teeth. “It can’t be enough. Nothing I do is ever enough, there’s got to be more I could do!”

Lan Xichen frowns, and looks around until his eyes land on Nie Mingjue. He heard this, and is staring at his brother with some concern.

From what Lan Xichen understands, the reason Nie Huaisang took refuge in his temple a few weeks ago was because of a great argument with Nie Mingjue regarding his capacity to do… nearly anything, really. Nie Mingjue, taking Lan Xichen as the confident Nie Huaisang asked that he be, admitted to him one day that he is terribly worried for his brother’s future. There might be a war, he said, and Nie Mingjue could die in it and leave Nie Huaisang alone to lead their sect before his time. Nie Mingjue confessed he is terrified that the elders of their clan won’t respect Nie Huaisang because his mother was of lesser birth, that some of their cousins will attempt to rob him of his birthright, that even if he becomes sect leader he will not be respected and some people will try to take advantage of his inexperience. So Nie Mingjue pushes his brother as hard as he can, demanding more efforts, more results, but it is all in vain because Nie Huaisang has stubbornly decided he isn’t good at anything that matters, and refuses to try anymore.

It was a terrible argument they had that day, Nie Mingjue said. And then, proving all his fears right, Nie Huaisang nearly died after running away and catching a fever, showing to all his future enemies how vulnerable a target he would be without Nie Mingjue to protect him. At the same time, that Nie Huaisang was ready to run away showed that he took it to heart every time he was scolded for not doing more, and now Nie Mingjue doesn’t know how to handle him anymore.

After Nie Mingjue confided in him this way, Lan Xichen promised he would look after Nie Huaisang, no matter what. It is part of the deal, as far as he’s concerned, because spouses must support one another, but also…

Lan Xichen is quickly becoming quite fond of this pair of brothers. Having been lonely for so long, he finds joy in the closeness they share, no matter how strained it might be at times. It is clear to him that Nie Mingjue loves his brother, though he struggles to show it when he has so much on his mind, and Nie Huaisang feels the same, to the point it was inconceivable for him to marry someone who wouldn’t be friendly with Nie Mingjue.

“Nie gongzi, you’ve done all you could for that statue,” Lan Xichen says, grabbing Nie Huaisang by the waist and pulling him down from the pedestal.

Nie Huaisang squeaks in surprise, fighting for a second before going rigid with fear as Lan Xichen puts him down. His face is a bright crimson when he looks up at Lan Xichen, who wonders whether that’s anger at being manhandled this way, but the other Nie just start laughing at his expression.

“Don’t seduce my brother like that, Xichen,” Nie Mingjue scolds, more of a joke than a real warning. “Look at him, he’s two heartbeat from asking for your hand now.”

Amazingly, Nie Huaisang manages to blush an even brighter colour, and leaps away from Lan Xichen. Nie Mingjue laughs again, apparently content with his brother’s perceived crush. Perceived, or real. Lan Xichen isn’t really sure what goes on in Nie Huaisang’s mind. He can feel is never ending flood of belief, the undercurrent of fear, but no particular affection so far. Then again, with fear that strong, it would be hard for any other emotion to flourish. Lan Xichen hasn’t wanted to talk directly about their situation yet, assuming that Nie Huaisang might want the illusion that this is all perfectly normal, but he’s rethinking that strategy. It is clear that Nie Huaisang, for whatever reason, is immune to the narrative that Lan Xichen created for his sake, so why not talk about it openly? If it can make Nie Huaisang any less afraid…

That is a problem for later. Right now, the temple is as clean as can be achieved with what little time they have available, so Nie Mingjue conducts the ceremonies necessary to consecrate the temple again, and invites Lan Xichen to inhabit again this place dedicated to him. Incense is put to burn for him, offerings are left on the altar, thanks and prayers are presented to him. Even Nie Mingjue, so openly reluctant to believe that there was any divine intervention to help his brother survive in the mountain, does provide a small stream of belief, hinting at a mind just as strong as his brother’s. Lan Xichen hopes that they can truly become friends over time, though he is unsure that’s possible with the lies he’s had to weave so he could fulfill Nie Huaisang’s request.

Still, there’s no harm in trying. If Lan Xichen is to spend one lifetime as a mortal, he wants to make the best of it, not only as a god in need of believers, but also as a person left alone far too long.

[ibijau]

If Deage!lxc meet lwj after talk to nhs. Will lxc tease lwj being married?

the de-aged fic in question

It’s kind of funny to see Lan Wangji all grown up. He is taller than last time Lan Xichen by at least a full head, making him feel small. His shoulders are broader too, his face more angular. His brother grew into a fine man.

But there’s a lingering sadness in his eyes that makes Lan Xichen uncomfortable. His brother has suffered a lot, he can guess as much. He wonders if he caused some of that pain, if that’s why his uncle didn’t want him to see Lan Wangji when his brother returned to the Cloud Recesses.

His uncle avoids all of his questions about what happened to him, and lan Xichen has started to become fearful of the sort of man he’s meant to become.

It doesn’t help that Lan Wangji is so quiet as Lan Xichen pours tea for both of them. His little brother has never been the chattiest of people, but every time they’ve been apart for a while, Lan Wangji would tell him about his cultivation progress, the new song he’s started to learn, how many rabbits he’s spotted in the forest this time.

Lan Xichen doesn’t know what to make of this silent man before him.

“So, I hear you’re married now?” he asks with a grin, hoping this bold opening will get a reaction. 

It does.

Lan Wangji startles and avoids his eyes, his hands clenching on his knees. He looks guilty. He looks worried. As if perhaps he thinks that Lan Xichen will be angry at his happiness.

What has happened to them?

“It’s that Wei Wuxian boy, right?” Lan Xichen continues, pretending not to notice the tension. “I knew you liked him! You’re always looking at him. And he’s so bold with you... It all makes sense. How long have you been married?”

“...Two months.”

It’s Lan Xichen’s turn to startle. His uncle told him that nearly two decades have passed since his last memories.  Lan Wangji had been just fifteen then, much too young to marry, and a union between two men always creates a bit more trouble to organise, especially for someone in such a high position as Lan Wangji. Still, by the time he reached twenty, all of this should have been solved, so why the long wait? Lan Wangji can be a little awkward, did he somehow mess this up by being too cold? Or was there something else?

Those twenty years have not been peaceful, Lan Xichen has already guessed this much. His uncle might refuse to answer his questions, but he cannot hide how new some of the buildings look, including Lan Xichen’s own house. Lan Qiren has taken away his correspondence and books and many things, but couldn’t hide everything. Lan Xichen found some of his guan, and they are those of a sect leader, hinting his father has died and he is now in power. After Nie Huaisang’s visit, he also found some very old letters, hidden under a loose plank on the floor. They are short and evasive, written in code as if they might be intercepted, yet speak quite plainly of a war.

“Wait, two months?” Lan Xichen gasps, realisation hitting him. “But that’s as long as I’ve been like this. Wangji you… you married without inviting me?”

“Brother would not have approved,” Lan Wangji replies, still refusing to look at him.

Lan Xichen gapes at him, unsure what hurts more. He doesn’t like that he becomes a man who will not support his brother’s happiness. But it’s also unpleasant that Lan Wangji would do something so important while knowing full well that his brother disapproves. It’s not that they’ve never had their disagreements, what siblings don’t? But this feels more serious than a passing squabble about who borrowed who’s robe.

“Wangji, have I grown into a cruel man?”

“Brother is a good man,” Lan Wangji quickly replies with a touch of desperation to his voice, much like Nie Huaisang did when Lan Xichen asked him a similar question. “Brother tried to help and support me when no one else did, but this was something you never understood. Brother thought I should not love Wei Ying.”

“Why not? He seems nice. A little wild maybe, but…”

At hearing Wei Wuxian called ‘wild’, Lan Wangji flinches.

Twenty years is such a long time.

“Did Wei Wuxian grow into a cruel man?” Lan Xichen hesitantly asks, horrified that his brother might have tied himself to a bad person.

Lan Wangji closes his eyes for a moment, as if the conversation were growing painful to him, and takes a deep breath.

“Wei Ying made choices that have caused pain around him,” he says at last. “But he made most of those choices because he believes in helping those in need.”

“Most. Not all.”

At last, Lan Wangji looks his brother in the eye, a weary expression on his face. Lan Xichen is again reminded of Nie Huaisang’s visit, of the way he too ended up looking at him like this. It speaks of repeated arguments, of disagreements that have never found a solution.

He wonders if Nie Mingjue too will look at him that way, should he visit.

“Wei Wuxian was attacked again and again,” Lan Wangji states in a tired voice. “His methods were extreme, but he had to defend himself.”

Lan Xichen pinches his lips, ready to ask for details. He doesn’t. The way Lan Wangji tenses, the determination in his eyes… if Lan Xichen’s adult self, with his full knowledge of the situation, has never managed to change his brother’s mind, what can he hope to do?

“So you will support him if he does extreme things again?” Lan Xichen asks.

“I will protect him so he never has to,” Lan Wangji replies with unexpected fierceness. “I failed Wei Ying in the past. If I had stood by him then, things might have been different. I will stand by him now.”

It’s not the most reassuring of answers, but Lan Xichen will take it.

“And you’re happy with him at your side?”

A rare smile breaks onto Lan Wangji’s face as he nods, his eyes softening as if just the thought of Wei Wuxian was enough to melt some of the sadness that clings to him.

Even in Lan Xichen’s own times, his brother has never been one to smile often. Whatever else Wei Wuxian has done, at least he brings joy to Lan Wangji. It’s a comfort and in this changed world where everything hints at horror and pain and betrayal, Lan Xichen will take any comfort he can find.

“If you’re happy, I’m happy,” Lan Xichen announces with a smile that’s almost entirely sincere. “I realise it might be early, but are you two planning on having children?”

“We have a grown son. Lan Sizhui. You say he is the pride of Gusu Lan.”

That’s not a very cheerful name, but Lan Xichen willingly refuses to ask about that. Twenty years, but only married for two months and yet with an adult son. Lan Xichen desperately wants to be given the story of those missing two decades, while also fearing that knowledge.

The man he becomes is a coward who chose to return to the past rather than face the present. For a while Lan Xichen resented this future self, but the more glimpses he gets, the more he understands that choice.

It’s not that he becomes a coward, he realises, it’s that he must have always been one.

“Tell me about your son,” Lan Xichen asks, still trying to smile. “How good is his cultivation? Does he have many friends?”

Even on this subject, he can quickly tell that Lan Wangji is too careful, that there are details he will not be given. It doesn’t matter. He’ll live with the secrets until someone finds a way to return him to what he should be, or until someone finally breaks and tells him the truth.

Until then he takes joy where he can, and there is much joy to be found in the pride Lan Wangji finds in his son, in the happiness that radiates from him as he speaks of his family.

Whatever other divides have appeared between them, Lan Xichen hopes that the man he grew into still found the strength to rejoice in Lan Wangji’s happiness.

[paradife-loft]

1&2 for general, ships, characters & story

General

1. If you had to join a sect, which would you join?

Ahahaha oh, oh no, the difficult question!!! *covers face*

Tbh I would. join the Lan sect and then be like, the most problematic Lan ever to Lan XD (”But James, don’t you have a reflexive fight me!!! response to rules and authority....?” yes maybe so shush now that’s why I said problematic.)

Like the thing is. I DO like being a nerd, and I DO like the idea of cultivating with music certainly moreso than with swords look I do not enjoy physical exertion a lot of the time, and I semi-regularly become full of emotion and start wailing to whoever’s nearby about wanting to live in somewhere as beautiful as the Cloud Recesses??? It is SO lovely there. Also the only other option I was considering, the Jiang, tbh gives me the impression that I would die miserably of humidity in Yunmeng sooooo :/

But also for real I am... a lot more chill with following rules when I agree with them about their purpose being to better you ethically and also to form a cohesive community, and I’ve chosen to adhere to them by my own will? Uhh, demonstrably lmao. But yeah I’d definitely still be Arguing about things and eating hot peppers in Caiyi town and playing the “it’s not really drinking if you neutralise the alcohol” game ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

2. Your three favorite characters?

*lies dramatically on the ground* How am I supposed to pick just threeeeee???

But ok, so, Jin Guangyao, and then *spins the roulette wheel for today’s picks* probably Lan Xichen and Wei Wuxian, averaged out?? But I have a lot of feelings about Everyone ;u;

Ships

1. What’s your OTP?

*chinhands* Surely we all know this by now :P

2. What’s your NOTP? Or any other ship you hate?

Uhhhhh hhhhhhh hahaha ngl I usually feel guilty talking about notps in public??? Probably bc often as not it’s more about “90% of the content I see in the fandom is relatively fluffy and/or mundane and/or lacking in meaty conflict and therefore bores me to tears” oops.

But I will say tbh that I have a pretty visceral unhappy NOPE reaction to LXC/NHS in. Probably 95% of contexts ever. Unless I feel particularly into reading, like, sex-as-self-harm fic on any given day, lmao.

Characters

1. If you could date any character from MDZS, who would you pick?

Lol, none of them.

2. If you had to kill a character, who would you kill?

Save a sex worker or POW, toss JGS off a cliff :) (predictable answer but hey) (I mean, this is distinct from an answer to “who would I kill at a point in the story prior to their actual death,” but. I would be remiss at existing if I didn’t take the opportunity to say I would kill JGS given the slightest excuse.)

Story

1. If you could make one major story change, what change would you make? Why?

Ahhhh, hell. Actually, you know what? I would slightly revamp Qin Su’s character to have her be aware of her parentage since roughly the same time as JGY is, and have them both separately keeping that a secret from one another for roughly the same reasons. She’s disturbed by the letter from Bicao simply because of the implications around someone wanting to make this knowledge public. (On the other hand: she DOES still ask JGY about how Rusong died, and IS still angry and horrified by the attitude he takes to that question and the implication that he was the one who orchestrated that death, because wtf just because his parents were siblings doesn’t mean he should have been anything other than a happy, perfectly loved, alive child??? Get a fucking grip!)

...And then I think. if she does still end up dying* then it’s probably gonna be directly NHS’s fault, in this context? Because “oh okay I was not expecting her to be chill with that, that’s an unpleasant surprise; well I still gotta ruin JGY’s marriage somehow SHRUG”. But on the other hand I really really don’t love all the women dying, so maybe instead he just reveals her complicity publicly and destroys her reputation and turns her into a pariah? :/ Which is still unpleasant but at least isn’t. death.

Anyway the reason why is like. Partially just aesthetic preferences!! I like “morally questionable power couple” much better than I like “evil dude and morally pure innocent victim wife”. (I in fact very much dislike the latter. Looking @ u, late Numenor.) And also partially - I very much like the additional resonance of “JGY underestimates he sweet and kind people around him and doesn’t notice that they can also have sneaky ruthless streaks” that this would add re: Huaisang? While also for that matter foreshadowing the Huaisang reveal?

And, yeah, a lot of other changes I would “like” to make, honestly fall more into the genre of “things I would like as fix-it fics” rather than changes I want to make to the base story, because so many of the pieces I’ve gone “augh but what if that were different!” are just. structurally important to MDZS’s tragic and other thematic elements. Messing with this aspect to Qin Su’s story doesn’t have to make the base plot non-tragic, but does improve on a few issues I have with e.g. morally polarised female characters who all die anyway.

2. Which character would you bring back to life?

!!???!!? when are we talking, here! in what fashion?

....okay, so for the sake of not making my head explode with potential options, I’m going to limit this to cases of characters who are 100% confirmed dead, being brought back either as a fierce corpse or via sacrifice-summon, generally within the main timeline of the story (i.e. not several decades post-canon).

And of that set under those conditions, I’m gonna pick Jiang Yanli. Look. I LOVE the possibilities of fierce corpse!Jiang Yanli. As a scenario it’s both incredibly fucked up but also the possibilities for really emotional reconciliation between all three Yunmeng siblings in the present timeline??? Logistically I think this would have to take place in a bookverse-style “LWJ carries WWX off to the burial mounds post-Nightless City battle” situation... so like, in a fit of practically qi-deviating rage-grief, WWX reanimates JYL’s corpse right as she dies, a la Wen Ning? and then part of what he’s doing, half out of his mind, during the missing time in the Burial Mounds is working on bringing her spiritual consciousness to put back in there.

........there’s definitely more logistics to be worked out, most notably “where is she during the intervening decade?” but. I love the idea of Jiang Cheng’s anger being not only “you killed my sister” but also “YOU TURNED MY SISTER INTO A FUCKING ZOMBIE”. I love the idea of, eventually, her being ACTUALLY PRESENT to express some of her own opinions and feelings on how WWX & JC fighting over her death (& fierce corpse status) is rly fucked up. make them deal with her as an actual person who’s inconvenient in her wants and needs and willingness to always extend a hand to others, not just a place to hang all their messy emotions on! give her eventually a chance to bond with Jin Ling, and the awkwardness and grief about how much of his life she missed, interspersed with “!!!!! I get to have this back! feelings!”

Because also just in general, I’d really love to have her around to interact with all the characters in their fucked-up “one timeskip later” iterations, and her perma-dying really just robs us of that chance and it’s very rude!

Bonus: holy fuck what would it be like for all her talents and skills and weaknesses to suddenly be completely reversed? Extremely physically strong and capable now! But more likely to scare people than charm them. Can she still, like, taste food properly? Who knows. But wouldn’t THAT be a juicy situation to explore for her! :O

[ibijau]

Lan Xichen needs a husband

Sometimes you rush through writing 2k of fem!lxc needing a husband so the Lan elders won’t bother her about being a female sect leader, and deciding that her Da-Ge’s little brother is the least awful option she can think of.

blaming @theivorywriter for accidentally putting that idea in my brain

It took all of Lan Xichen’s willpower to keep smiling as a servant announced her presence to the three men in the room. The instant the door closed again and she was alone with them, the smile dropped.

“I was going to say it’s nice to see you,” Nie Mingjue commented, “but I guess the feeling isn’t mutual?”

“I am furious,” Lan Xichen replied, “but not at you. It’s the elders.”

Jin Guangyao, ever the perfect host even though Qinghe was no longer his home, poured some tea for her while Nie Huaisang hurried to position a chair between her sworn brothers.

“Did they change their mind again?” Nie Mingjue asked, pushing a plate of sweets her way as she sat down. “Your brother won’t be fit for his duties for months and after what he’s done in Nightless City, nobody would trust him anyway.”

“Wangji cannot remain sect leader, they are not questioning that,” she replied with a sigh. He never wanted to be one, she didn’t add. “But they are unsure about giving me the title. A frail woman, one so young at that, they doubt I could ever handle the pressure.”

Nie Huaisang, sitting in a corner away from them, snorted from behind his book. His brother shot him an angry look, while Jin Guangyao nodded in sympathy. 

He knew better than the other two the pain of being dismissed over an accident of birth. He had seen how hard she had worked to organise things behind the scene during the Sunshot Campaign while her brother played the tragic hero and fought the Wens alongside Jiang Cheng. Not that Lan Xichen hadn’t seen her share of battles, hadn’t also earned her title in blood and fire.

“I am sorry that they underestimate you so,” Jin Guangyao said. “Xichen-Jie is more capable than many men I know. But who would they give the title to if not you? Your uncle?”

“They tried. He refused. Uncle is my main proponent at this point,” Lan Xichen sighed. “No, their new idea is far more perverse in a way: they want me to be married, so I can have a man to guide me.”

It gave her some comfort that both of her sworn brothers appeared appropriately annoyed by the news. The elders might dismiss her every chance they had, but these two heroes saw her as an equal and were quite vocal about it.

“Stupid,” Nie Mingjue grumbled. “You’ll have your uncle helping, and that’s more than enough. What would you do with a husband?”

Again, Nie Huaisang was heard trying to contain a bout of laughter and Lan Xichen, who could guess where his thoughts had gone, found her cheeks heat up a little. Thankfully, neither of her sworn brothers appeared to notice.

“Have they already decided on who they want you to marry?” Jin Guangyao asked, oddly tentative. 

“I’ve been given a list of names to consider, but I am allowed to make suggestions,” Lan Xichen explained. “I’m sure anyone I offer up would be promptly rejected though. If I cannot be trusted to rule my sect, I certainly cannot be trusted to choose my own husband. I do not think a single man on their list is under sixty, and they are all inner circle Lans.”

It was not that Lan Xichen had any dislike for the idea of marrying someone within her sect. It was a wasted chance for a political alliance, but it meant living with someone who already knew how to bear with the rigidity of Gusu Lan’s rules, something spouses found outside the sect often struggled with at first. On the other hand, all these old men were related to her to some degree.

They were all, also, very old.

Lan Xichen had learned early on that she should not expect too much from her future marriage, but she had always hoped to at least marry someone her age, or only a few years older. It had seemed like such a reasonable expectation to have, especially with so few girls born within the Great Sects in her generation, and so many young men in need of a spouse, but apparently she wouldn’t even get that.

“Maybe we could help Xichen-jie find some less unpleasant alternatives,” Jin Guangyao politely offered. “There are many fine cultivators out there, surely if we all work together, we can find someone that might work better than your grandfather’s cousins.”

“I would be so grateful to Er-Di and Da-Ge for their help,” Lan Xichen replied.

“Then let’s get thinking.”

Before all else, they gave consideration to the Four Great Sects.

If anyone could have fit in Gusu Lan, Lan Xichen would have already tried. In fact she had thrown a few names for the elders to think of, only to be denied each time.

Yunmeng Jiang was quickly eliminated as well. None of its disciples came from a background prestigious enough, and as for its leader… Jiang Cheng would hardly have been an option at the best of time (“he’ll want his wife to enter his sect, and he wants her to have a mild personality,” Nie Huaisang assured them) but at the moment he was still mourning the bitter loss of his sister and it would have been in bad taste to offer a marriage to him.

Qinghe Nie had a few men the right age from minor branches of the main clan, but Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang quickly pointed out that their personalities were too proud and loud to fit Lan Xichen’s need for a husband who wouldn’t stand out too much. 

A similar problem would be found with a husband coming from Lanling Jin. The young masters from that sect would never allow for their wife to stand higher than them, and anyway Jin disciples always had troubles with the lifestyle of Cloud Recesses.

With this settled, they took a look at smaller sects, but with little more success. This young master was already engaged, that one had a bad temper, another had a reputation for being untrustworthy, one might have fit her but would never be accepted by the elders… there was always a problem which either Jin Guangyao or Nie Huaisang would point out.

After a few hours of discussion, they ran out of possible husbands for Lan Xichen. She felt very disheartened that no one seemed to fit. Her own demands were small (a good personality, unambitious but still clever enough to be able to support her when needed) but the elders would not be easily satisfied (they would demand high birth, a good political alliance, good cultivation, good education, good manners, mastery of the six arts, good looks, and plenty more).

Nie Mingjue still wouldn’t give up and was trying to think of distant sects that might fit, but Jin Guangyao, ever pragmatic, tried to comfort her instead.

“I would offer myself, but…”

Lan Xichen smiled at him and shook her head.

“We are sworn siblings,” she reminded him. “It would be very odd to marry you after such an oath. I would much rather keep you as a brother, A-Yao.”

Not least of all because she wanted a husband with as little ambition as possible so he wouldn’t try to claim power from her and relegate her to the shadows. Lan Xichen loved her younger sworn brother dearly, but she knew they both shared the bitter experience of being forced aside by stubborn old men, the will to prove themselves in spite of it. It had brought them closer. She would not let it tear them apart.

Thankfully, Jin Guangyao looked as though he had expected that rejection.

“It’s hopeless,” Nie Mingjue grunted. “Who haven’t we considered… Huaisang?”

It took Lan Xichen a few seconds to realise that her sworn brother was not suggesting his half-brother as a candidate, but only asking if Nie Huaisang might have other suggestions.

She turned to look at the young man. He had set aside his book, and appeared to be considering the problem with great seriousness. In fact, all of his remarks so far had been spot on. He was polite and clever enough when he wanted, but suffered from an acute lack of interest in politics and cultivation that made him as unambitious as a young master could ever be. He was the Second Master of Qinghe Nie and while Gusu Lan already had an alliance with them, it never hurt to further strengthen that. He also fit in her criteria for age. Beside, and while that was not something Lan Xichen ought to have considered as important, he was also not too unpleasant to look at, though he was rather short. It would look funny when he would stand at her side, since she was already taller than most men, but she could live with that.

“Da-Ge?”

“Yes?”

“You have not started looking for a wife for your brother, have you?” Lan Xichen asked, keeping her eyes on Nie Huaisang to check his reaction.

It was a strong one to say the least. Nie Huaisang’s eyes opened wide in surprise, his entire face quickly turning a bright shade of red as he stared back at Lan Xichen.

“Xichen-Jie shouldn’t tease like that!” he spluttered, quickly opening his book again and hiding behind it, apparently not noticing it was upside down. “I’ve been trying to help, too, and now you’re being mean!”

That sounded encouraging, Lan Xichen decided. He wasn’t outright rejecting the idea or laughing to her face. She turned to Nie Mingjue, who gave her a very serious look.

“I haven’t really had time to think about marrying him off,” he said. “Things have been complicated enough and it never felt urgent. He’s never asked for it, anyway.”

“Is San-Di not interested in marriage?” Jin Guangyao inquired.

From behind his book, Nie Huaisang muttered something that they did not quite catch.

“Enunciate,” his brother barked at him.

“I said it does not matter whether I’m interested or not!” Nie Huaisang muttered. “And… and you three really need to stop teasing me like that! It’s not nice from you! Xichen-Jie’s elders would never let her marry me. Don’t you remember how bad my grades were in Cloud Recesses? Because they won’t have forgotten! They will say I’m unfit to stand behind their sect leader!”

A fair point to bring up, Lan Xichen thought. He really was smarter than he tried to appear. He also wasn’t saying ‘I don’t like her’ or ‘I don’t want to’ or ‘I’d never’ about the idea of marrying her. For some reason, that pleased her. If he had really hated the idea, Nie Huaisang was earnest enough that it would have been his first protest. 

“San-Di makes a good argument,” Jin Guangyao sighed. “He could fit your criteria, but not the elders’. So we are back to…”

“There’s always the option of forcing their hand,” Lan Xichen mused. “They would hate it but… I know uncle will do everything to avoid becoming sect leader, so there will be little choice for them.”

“What do you have in mind?” Nie Mingjue asked, sounding a little doubtful but not outright disapproving.

“Nothing at all unless you agree to it,” Lan Xichen promised. “It is only a thought. But… of everyone we have considered today, your brother is the only one to whom I find no objections.”

That statement must have surprised Nie Huaisang, who lowered his book a little and gaped at her, his face somehow even redder now. Their eyes met, and with a panicked little noise Nie Huaisang raised the book again. He still wasn’t protesting though.

“I don’t like the idea of going behind your elders’ backs and imposing on them a marriage they would disapprove of,” Nie Mingjue said, before grimacing slightly. “I also do not like the way they are treating you, though. You don’t need a husband to be a good sect leader, you’ve more than proven you’re capable of making good decisions. I suppose Huaisang wouldn’t bother you too much while you do your job. Wouldn’t help you much either, though.”

“I’d help plenty!” Nie Huaisang protested, peeking over the cover of his book. “I help you, don’t I? I can be useful if I have to!”

“So you would agree to marry me if it came to that?” Lan Xichen asked, feeling her cheeks heat up at the idea.

Nie Huaisang quickly hid again. “Better me than someone who would bother Xichen-Jie and treat her badly!” he squeaked. “If I can help Xichen-Jie, then… then of course I would!”

At these words, Lan Xichen felt her heart beat faster, and she knew she had to be blushing for certain. Even if it was only political scheming, it was the first time someone professed an interest in marrying her, and she was not unaffected.

“So all three of you agree,” Jin Guangyao summarised with an amused smile. “Then the only problem left is how to push for this in a way that the Lan elders cannot dismiss, but without harming Xichen-Jie’s reputation. It will require some careful planning to figure this out.”

“That’s why we’ve got you,” Nie Mingjue pointed out. “Put that scheming brain of yours to good use for once and find us something.”

Normally, Lan Xichen would have objected to that aggressivity and tried to smoothen things between her sworn brothers. At the moment though, she was too preoccupied. She had spent the whole trip from Gusu to Qinghe resenting the idea that she would be forced to marry but now, glancing at Nie Huaisang who kept shyly peeking at her over his book…

It wasn’t an ideal situation, not by far, but if Jin Guangyao could find a way to make this work, Lan Xichen wouldn’t be too unhappy to marry after all.

[ibijau]

Second to last instalment of the Bad Timeline, and seeing how original timeline LXC deals with this :D

BIG WARNING for suicide, blood, major angst, and implied violence against animals. 

The first few days of hiding in Cloud Recesses had been the worst ones. 

Xichen had been consumed with rage and grief and sheer betrayal over what had happened. He had known that Jin Guangyao was not all that he seemed, events had opened his eyes to that long before Wangji and Wei Wuxian barged in with the mangled body of his first love. But he had never imagined that his friend, his sworn brother, the man he'd trusted above any other, would have fallen so low. 

Huaisang’s own betrayal had been rubbing salt into the wound.

Of course, being manipulated into stabbing Jin Guangyao had been a shock… and there could be no doubts about that manipulation, not once Xichen had had some space to think about it. He knew what his husband was like when he lied. 

And yet, he could have forgiven this.

He could not forgive that Huaisang had never said anything about Mingjue’s death. That he had allowed Xichen to remain friends with the man who had so cruelly murdered the man he loved. That he had never trusted Xichen after all, no matter how much Xichen had tried to convince himself otherwise. Or had Huaisang thought that his husband had been an accomplice in his brother’s death? Xichen had pushed so much for Jin Guangyao to play Cleansing to Mingjue, he’d wanted so badly for his best friend and his lover to get along again. Huaisang would have been excused for suspecting Xichen.

But then, it meant everything between them had been fake. It meant Xichen had never become as good at reading through his husband’s acting as he had believed. All that affection and tenderness, those moments of happiness, the way Huaisang melted at the first sign of gentleness… could he really have pretended about that? And if so, what did it say about Xichen that he had taken all of it at face value, so desperate for closeness that he’d fallen for those lies?

By the end of his first month in seclusion, most of Xichen’s anger had calmed.

It was replaced by guilt.

He had failed Mingjue by trying to force that friendship with Jin Guangyao, by refusing to see the warning signs. Mingjue had told him that Jin Guangyao was dangerous, but he hadn’t listened, hadn’t wanted to judge too harshly someone who was so hardworking, who had risen in spite of difficult origins.

Maybe he had failed Jin Guangyao as well, by not seeing how life in Lanling Jin was changing him. In spite of all evidence, Xichen still believed that his sworn brother had been a good person once. Perhaps all this tragedy could have been avoided in Xichen had just known how to offer help the right way. Jin Guangyao too had suffered from his efforts to maintain the friendship between him and Mingjue. Who knew if he would have turned to murder if they had just been allowed to drift away from each other.

Above all, Xichen feared he had failed Huaisang. They were married. They were cultivation partners. They were friends even, or so he had thought. And yet, Huaisang had never come to him with what he had found out about Jin Guangyao. He had preferred to take revenge alone rather than to share anything with his own husband.

How to blame him, when Xichen had failed to protect those he loved before.

Somewhere near the end of the second month of seclusion, Wangji came home, Wei Wuxian trailing behind him.

Xichen, at first, refused to see him, just as he refused to see anyone. Guilt was harder to wrangle than anger, it ran deeper, it was more insidious.

But when Wangji insisted and returned several days in a row, Xichen gave in. His brother was not one to come knocking on his door without good reason.

Wangji was the same as ever. He sounded worried when he inquired after Xichen’s health, but when his concerns were dismissed, he simply went straight to the reason for his visit.

"I discussed your marriage with uncle,” he explained. “Gusu Lan can afford to repay your dowry, should you wish it." 

Xichen stared at his brother, trying to make sense of what was offered. Then, at last, it hit him. 

He could divorce Huaisang. 

He would never have to see him again. After everything that had happened, it should have felt like a gift, a blessing from the heavens. A kindness to both of them, when their marriage had turned out such a failure. 

Instead the thought was more painful than the betrayal had ever been.

Huaisang was a liar, a manipulator, a murderer, a monster whose crimes were no lesser than Jin Guangyao’s. 

But he was also Xichen's husband. He was a man who had opened up to Xichen over the years, letting him see parts of him that no one must have seen since his brother's death. They had laughed together, run their sect together, been happy together. Xichen refused to believe it had all been faked. Nobody could have been acting so perfectly, so consistently. Something had been real 

And whatever his crimes, at least Nie Huaisang had never committed them for personal gain, but only to avenge a brother he adored. The means had been questionable, but the intentions were honourable.

Besides, even though he had never known how far they ran, Xichen had long known there were deep shadows within the man he loved. 

And he still loved Huaisang. 

That thought shocked him, just as he had been shocked when he had first realised he felt that way. 

Even after everything, he still loved that odd little man he was married to. 

Even after everything, he did not want to lose him.

Xichen looked at his brother, and smiled in the polite, controlled way he had learned to do in unpleasant situations.

“I am very grateful that you would offer this,” he told Wangji. “But that will not be necessary. I need time alone at the moment, but unless he asks for it, I have no intention of separating from my husband.”

“Hm. He hasn’t asked.”

That lifted a weight from Xichen’s shoulders, freeing him from a tension he had not realised he was holding. After everything that had been revealed, Huaisang could easily have asked for a divorce as well. Nobody in the cultivation world would have blamed him for rejecting a husband who had been so close to his brother’s murderer. If Huaisang hadn’t asked for it, there might still be hope.

Xichen knew some of their relationship had to have been genuine.

Feeling a little lighter, his smile turned more sincere.

“I hear you’re married as well now?” he asked his brother. “Eloping, at your age… that’s not very serious, Wangji.”

Wangji smiled, unapologetic. He looked happier than his brother had ever seen him, and Xichen felt another weight leave his body. Even if Huaisang and him did not manage to reconcile, some good would have come from this disaster.

A little after the four months mark, Xichen felt ready to face the world once more. The guilt had not fully eased out, and the anger still returned sometimes, but he was growing too restless to stay in Gusu.

He thanked his uncle and brother for letting him stay this long, for respecting his need for isolation.

Then, at last, he left for Qinghe.

He left for home.

-

It was oddly pleasant to fly to the gates of the Unclean Realm at sunset and greet the guards. They all seemed very happy to see him again. Xichen realised the opposite was just as true. After ten years there, Qinghe Nie had become his sect, even if something of Gusu Lan stuck to him. 

This really was home. 

"Our Sect Leader will be glad you're back," one of the men said. "He's been moping around like a lost soul since he returned with…" 

The other guard elbowed him sharply in the ribs. Xichen pretended not to notice. 

"My husband can be a little dramatic," he agreed, feeling both guilty and pleased that Nie Huaisang might have missed him. "I hope he has not neglected his duties too much, or I'll have to scold him. Do you know where I might find him?" 

He expected to be directed to the gardens or the aviary, unless Huaisang had gone for a trip. Xichen would not mind waiting a little. 

"He's in his room," the first guard explained, glancing at his comrade who shrugged. "He's been there since early afternoon. He gave orders not to bother him for a few days, even if guests came, but… Master Lan, I don't think that applies to you." 

"Yes, go ahead and knock some sense into him," the other agreed. "He's been moody lately, it will be good for him that you're back." 

Lan Xichen thanked them for the information, and crossed the gate. It worried him a little that Huaisang would decide to isolate that way. Even though his cultivation had improved over the duration of their marriage, he did not think Huaisang had ever made efforts to practice inedia so far. Hopefully he was not pushing himself too hard. 

In spite of the guards’ hints that Huaisang appeared to have missed him, Xichen felt a growing tension seize him as he walked toward his husband’s room. Anxiety, he guessed. He hoped that Huaisang would want to see him again, that the guards were not mistaken, that he had made the right choice in coming home. Even if they could not reconcile, at least they should talk, there was so much they had never told each other. They needed to talk. They would talk. Xichen would not leave Qinghe until things were finally clear between them. He would…

It was only when he arrived at the door of Huaisang’s bedroom that Xichen realised the odd feeling he’d had since stepping inside that building might not have been nerves alone.

He could feel intense resentful energies coming from that room, strong enough to nearly gag him. Whatever was going on was so powerful that it should have been noticed by passing disciples and servants… but nobody ever came near Huaisang’s bedroom without his permission, and if he had specifically requested to be left alone…

Overcome with fear, Lan Xichen hurried to open the door.

The stench of blood hit him immediately. No surprise there. Several animals laid on the ground, some of them still twitching and agonising.

Xichen barely noticed them.

His full attention was on a pale shape on the floor, surrounded by words hastily scribbled in blood.

A naked man, his wrists and throat slashed open.

Xichen shouted as he ran toward Huaisang, falling to his knees in the pool of blood and pulling the body in his arms. It was still somewhat warm, but growing colder with each passing second.

“What have you done?” Xichen cried, holding his husband close. “A-Sang, I was coming home!”

Xichen could feel no heartbeat, not breath, but still tried to regain enough control of himself that he could share his energy with Huaisang in a desperate attempt to save him.

“I was coming home,” he sobbed. “I was coming home.”

The body in his arm did not react.

Xichen cried harder, never letting go, never giving up his attempt to heal his husband.

“I was coming home.”