#luke we talked about this once upon a time so you might remember

[vampiretendencies]

happy to see u back<33

thinking about jj loving sleeping in your bed in your room because it’s just his safe place and he feels so loved

kook!fem!reader, mention of luke

i somehow didn’t see this one and now that i have i’m so giddy i love this.

of course jj has a unanimous rep on kildare, fathers keep him away from their daughters and mothers shoo him before he even gets the chance to. if he’s luke’s kid he must have some of the same qualities right ?

wrong.

so terribly wrong. though he may be a bit of a kleptomaniac, he’s attentive, tender, and warm-hearted. expressive when need be.

he also just eternally worshiped the ground his captivating kook girlfriend walked on.

finding solace in the grace of your existence and faltered when you were absent. that’s the probable reasoning that he sneaks past your window, as he typically did. a memorable trope that jj never once thought he’d be living, kook girls couldn’t quite subside his appetite. you just did it for him, everytime.

he lie there in the clean, delicate linen sheets of your bed. a queen sized bed, not a match for the twin sized one he’s known all his life. tanned skin tucked neatly beneath them, he fit so perfectly. he belonged.

and it smelled like you. it smelled alluring— drags you in and makes you want to stay there endlessly. thick to his senses like honey, with hints of saccharine fresh vanilla. amicable really, that you’ve wooed him so. not even a newly opened beer, or a just-rolled blunt could compare to this.

jj can’t remember a time in his life that he’s felt this protected from harm or danger— he’s safe.

you agree upon entering your room, taking in the image of him snuggling your little brown bear to his chest. lips plump and parted, with bits of drool falling slowly past them. like a small child that’s recovering from a nightmare, but jj’s only nightmare right now is his life. the only part of it that resembled a dream was you. you don’t care that your father might walk in and see the two of you in the morning, and you don’t care that he might shove his foot in jj’s ass.

like clockwork you throw down your belongings, stripping yourself down. magnetically you cling onto to him, noses barely touching, his hushed breath on your lips. he doesn’t have to lift an eyelid to know, the other half of his heart is beside him now. his muscles relax more somehow, and as if it’s a reflex he pecks at your cupids bow slowly and full of sleep.

“needed a way to feel you, so i came here. didn’t know where you were, i couldn’t find you baby—“

God, he loved you with such a love even he couldn’t understand at times.

“sleep j, there’s always tomorrow we can talk about it then.”

yeah tomorrow wasn’t promised, though it begun to feel guaranteed high on infatuation like this.

[yonemurishiroku]

(tags via @smartichokes) In light of new addition to my Luke & Nico replacement post, I have so much to say about this.

Firstly, there is a fanfic in which Kronos switched to Nico as his host halfway through the series. I said fic, Nico went to Tartarus wayyyyy sooner than he should (which is sometime right after TTC I think?), and got captured by Kronos' force. The Titan considered seizing him, so Luke left the Titan Army and returned to the light side.

With that being said, the Nico in said fic didn't become the host, as Luke (and Ethan) got him out before the taking-over.

In another fic, which is about Nico's apotheosis, It is established that Kronos has been taunting Hades to become his host since he is his eldest child, and as a result, Nico would suffer the same fate should he become a God. Nico didn't, of course, but we can see that he can be a great candidate for the position of Kronos’ host Due to the potential he possesses as a child of Hades. I have talked so much about how powerful he is so I suppose this goes without saying.

On the other hand, the child of the prophecy was supposed to be the son of an eldest god, so let's imagine: Nico is a child of an elder god and now is basically One of the main factors that dictate their fate being the central of Kronos' power. Can you imagine the thrill of having both the antagonist and the protagonist a child of the big three, knowing both of them have the power to change the flow of the story? Nico might as well be the child of the prophecy and now he is in the hands of the big bad villain? Who is to say he wouldn't choose to raze the Olympic to the ground? Please, I cannot be the only one seeing the thrill of second-guessing yourself and watching Percy second-guessing himself, page by page.

Back to our AU.

- Absolutely invested in Nico with Kronos' golden eyes.

- Idk if you have noticed, but there are a number of people who would very much be delighted to see Nico joining the Titan Army - so that's a plus. Though we haven't thought as far as putting him directly in Luke's place, this is such a fun territory to play with.

On the other hand, we should have thought about that lmao what's with Minos having done exactly like this in the canon. The King did manipulate Nico in order to accelerate his uprising (tho Rick wasn't unhinged enough to give the Underworld ghosts the benefit of possessing living things except for the eidolons).

Minos failed ofc. But surely the scenario is there. Furthermore, a big reason that hindered Minos was Nico's true control over him, which returned to him upon his enlightenment, thus breaking the fake power balance. But Nico didn't have any control over Kronos. Once he's in, there's no way out. Kronos is on another level compared to Minos. Luke had one way out and that was his death. Who to say the arms of Hades wouldn't be Nico's ending should he succumb to Kronos anw.

- I like the way you mention Percy - because as it turns out, Nico can perfectly mirror Luke regarding how Percy's fatal flaw is portrayed.

Percy's fatal flaw can be summed up in one sentence - "You would sacrifice the world to save a friend". Now, for Luke, it was thanks to the guy's friendly facade at the start that Percy had trouble deeming him as the enemy at first. For Nico, that's a little different. It's not friendship - bc surely Percy didn't consider 'friend' at that time. So what could it be?

The guilt. And the Loyalty from which it sprouted.

But loyalty to what?

To Bianca's promise.

And this varies between perspectives, but I suspect this can be much, much worse than what transpired with Luke if you know how to play it right. Why? Because it weighs on Percy's kindness, his conscience, his loyalty, his morals. It feels heavier. For Luke, it was a personal betrayal. For Nico, it would be a repeated failure that resulted in two deaths.

And I doubt Percy is fond of failures and deaths.

Do you know the saying that we tend to remember bad things rather than good memories? That. Failures stuck with us, whilst success paled in comparison (Not to mention the vague depiction of Percy's lost self-esteem, but I digress).

For Luke, it might be easier: the guy's now an enemy, Percy just had to put him down - straight and clear. For Nico, it's a little bit different. The kid's obviously an enemy - but he's also that: a kid. Whose sister died in front of Percy, whom he blamed still. You can tell that the setup itself might make it harder for Percy to just straight-up consider Nico an enemy - because as it was, Nico could very well be a victim of Percy's broken promise. Percy is half a reason he fell into the hands of Kronos - as you've said.

And Percy isn't evil. He's a protagonist and he's kind. His morals would prevent him from seeing Nico as an enemy that must be taken out - not before trying restlessly to bring the kid back.

- Percy aside, Hades’ support - and all the little benefits gained from Nico's side quest - should also be taken into account. Without Nico, there wouldn't be the Curse of Achilles. Without Nico, there would be no undead army rushing to save them in the last minute in the last Olympian, but rather a flock of unbeatable enemies that would persist like Nico’s grief for Bianca.

I wouldn't say that guarantees their failure but you have to admit that it would make things hella more difficult for them to win this war.

So that is for the advantages. Now let's talk about the drawbacks. Because obviously things wouldn't be so fun if everything goes that smoothly. 👍

The most noticeable difference between Luke and Nico is their ages, and further, their experiences. At the time he was chosen, Luke has lived until his 17, 18 as a demigod, has seen the mythological world more than Nico ever did. He would know better how to navigate the system, which would benefit Kronos more than a clueless Nico. You can argue that Kronos can properly train him as Minos did, but the fact remains that Luke has experiences that can only be gained through living, aging, and seeing.

On the same topic, after losing his sister, Nico was just a rage-driven, angry, lost 11-12-year-old kid. He could barely take care of himself. He obviously cannot govern and command an entire army. Luke, on the other hand, has many skills required to be a leader. I have talked about this once. He has the tongue, he has his charms, he's manipulative enough. As a tool and a weapon, Luke proves to be a better choice to be the pioneer of Kronos' revolution.

Of course, unless you need a puppet, in which case Nico proves to be a better choice. He was naive .he didn't know better. Luke try to resist because he saw how devastating his actions were/ would be. It should be much easier to fool a kid like Nico rather than an adult, thus limiting the chances of rebuke. I cannot recall exactly what Kronos was trying to do though, so I'll just leave this here.

The best method is of course to keep Luke while getting Nico ready, however, it would put kronos plans back a few years and I'm not really sure the guy would be that patient provided that he has been waiting thousand years to make a come back. So we will just leave it like that.

All in all, it's fun to think about a scenario in which the one whose contribution directly leads to their victory in the original series now becomes the main antagonist, the main reason they will likely fail. Thank you @smartichokes for the delightful idea!! 🥺🥺🥺

[melverie]

⸺ LESSON 2 ⸺

Solomon

Barbatos

Solomon & Barbatos

demons & angels (& humans)

strange feelings & soup

misc

- lesson 1 || lesson 3 || all posts so far -

Please share your thoughts (if you want to lol)!! General spoiler warning for all of Obey Me Nightbringer, as well as for the original Obey Me

⸺ SOLOMON ⸺

Solomon essentially is the reason Leviathan got tot keep Henry 1.0 since Solomon is the one who shrunk him [2-1]

he's also the one who--completely unprompted--brought up Cerberus' existence and that taming him would grant you the title of 'Ruler of the Underworld' [2-1; pic below], which we know the brothers to hold by the time of the OG -> interesting how Solomon basically sets up the events in a way that allows them to eventually play out like they did in the future tho. Iirc we see it happen a few more times throughout the story

happened in 1-12 as well, but Solomon once again talks about the people around you not remembering who you are and how that hurts [2-3]. Not sure if this is him empathizing with MC or if this is alluding to something else... -> he also hopes that MC and the brothers will grow closer again soon [2-3]

Solomon switches to his human world look [2-9 + lesson 2 hard mode]

⸺ BARBATOS ⸺

Barbatos doesn't seem to know who MC is upon their first meeting [2-13]

he also seems surprised when he learns that MC is Solomon's apprentice [2-13], though I'm probably reading too much into this

he gives MC and Mammon the job at the castle regardless if they get any of the questions right or not [2-15]. Tbh it's probably just to keep the plot moving, but I'm slightly suspicious of him regardless...

⸺ DEMONS & ANGELS (& HUMANS) ⸺

more instances mentioned of the brothers being cast out because they are fallen angels [2-6]

Cerberus is also known in the Celestial Realm [2-8; pic below]

Mammon gives us a few insights into how being a guardian angels as well as forging pacts works [2-9; pic below]

Few things I want to point out here:

1. "To a demon, makin' a pact is like handing over control of your life to someone else, right?" Not entirely true. While the demon does give up a certain amount of control over themself to the human they've forged a pact with, there are certain limitations, such as:

you use a substantial amount of magical power while controlling several demons at once, so by that logic you probably also need some when commanding just one demon. Additionally, you might mot be able to command one in the first place if you have little to no magical power in the first place

you need to keep a clear head when giving a command, otherwise the demon can just break free from its hold. We see this at the end of season 2 when Lucifer is not affected by the 'stay' command because MC isn't thinking clearly

demons aren't forced to act out commands that go against their pact(s). Beel explains this back in the OG's season 1 when Luke accidentally gets ahold of the brothers' grimoire

2. "It's pretty much the same as when an angel decides to be a guardian to a human." Does that imply angels hand over control over themselves when becoming a guardian angel? Interesting 3. "An angel's only gonna pick one person to protect, and that's it. Just one, for all time." MC's just keeping all the guardian angels for themself then since Luke and Simeon have both expressed the desire to be MC's guardian angels, and I'm pretty sure Raphael is eventually going to follow suit lol

⸺ SOLOMON & BARBATOS ⸺

the second Solomon is mentioned Barbatos makes it very clear that he is absolutely not fond of him. Mammon points out that he finds Barbatos reaction a little strange since they have a pact and whatnot, but Barbatos dismisses it [2-13] -> side note but I just remembered how surprised Diavolo was when he heard MC was Solomon's apprentice. Then there's also that one throwaway line in the OG of Solomon's apprentice betraying him. I really hope those things don't have anything to do with each other tho...

⸺ STRANGE FEELINGS & SOUP ⸺

Solomon points out that the bonds MC shares with the others extend across time [2-3]. All hail the Time Soup!

Mammon already has feelings for MC [2-9] but we also know how fast he fell for MC in the OG, so it's not really all that unusal

this has happened in 1-12 as well [first pic below], but the word 'present' is once again written in quotation marks [lesson 2 hard mode; second pic below]. Might be because of the entire time soup thing, but it's weird nonetheless

⸺ MISC ⸺

Levi would love you if you were a worm 💖 [2-1]

the brothers' qualities as Avatars are starting to manifest more and more [2-A]. Not sure if this is meant to say that it took this long to happen/it took MC to show up, or if they just took this long to realize it happening

Mammon explains that demons can't forge pacts with other demons [2-9], so Solomon offically beat the demon allegations!! -> ......or did he. Because Mammon then goes on to say this [2-9; pic below]. Though to be fair this was probably just meant as a plot device to built tension since MC would have to reveal they are human before they could forge any pacts with the bros. Could also have been a small nod at Mephisto's powers later on

Mammon never was a guardian angel to anyone [2-11]

while shopping MC spots a book that they think might be precious, but Solomon claims that it isn't a grimoire since you wouldn't find a demon's lifeline in a place like this [lesson 2 hard mode]. Weird that it was brought up at all, but I'm guessing it was meant as a setup for later in the season

[stopdrunkdriving]

You: Be Filled

New Post has been published on https://drunkdriving.co.za/you-be-filled/

You: Be Filled

jamesmacdonald.com

And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit (Ephesians 5:18, ESV).

On your own, you cannot be like Jesus. You can’t will yourself to change your sinful patterns or to choose right. So how do you live a powerful life in Christ? How do you live out the exchanged life—Christ in you?

The Holy Spirit.

You can talk till you’re blue in the face, you can serve till you drop, you can try your absolute best. But until you let Jesus reign in you through His Spirit, you are going to be exhausted.

Ephesians 5:18 commands, “And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit.” The Greek word for filledmeans controlled, intoxicated, permeated, thoroughly influenced, overcome by a power greater than your own.

We know what it is to be filled with pain, with joy, or with sorrow. Being filled with excruciating pain, for example, eclipses everything else in our consciousness. We feel only the pain and fixate exclusively on it. The filling of the Holy Spirit is a similar experience—the Christian is overcome and under the influence of a a power greater than himself.

It’s likened to being under the influence of alcohol (Luke 1:15; Acts 2:4, 13–17), in that when people are drunk, they don’t act like themselves. They have little control of their minds, emotions, words, or actions. In the same way, we are to yield control of ourselves to the Holy Spirit. But unlike alcohol, we can’t get too much of the Spirit. We can never be too filled.

This one little verse contains four essential truths about the filling of the Spirit:

The filling is commanded.Notice God’s tone. He is not giving us a mild, optional suggestion. If you have some extra time, you might want to consider being filled with the Spirit. It’s a command: “Be filled.”And because God commands it, we know it’s possible. Nowhere in the Bible are we commanded to be indwelt, baptized, or sealed with the Spirit because those are God’s work in us at conversion—but we are commanded to be filled.

The filling is passive. Think back to English class. We are not the subject of the sentence, the one doing the action. We do not perform the filling, but are the object being acted upon. God is implied as the source. When we ask Him, He will fill us; we cannot do it ourselves.

The filling is for everyone. In the original Greek, the understood youis plural, as if to say, “All of you followers of Jesus, be filled with the Spirit.” This filling is a widespread, universal offer for every believer, not one exclusive to the “spiritual elite.” It is for all of God’s children—it’s for you.

The filling is not permanent. Rather than “be filled,” some translations use the wording “be being filled”—it’s an ongoing process. We are to be continuously filled, day by day. Never in the New Testament do we see a believer baptized by the Holy Spirit more than once. But we do see multiple fillings—check out Acts 2:4, 4:8, 9:17, 13:9. There is only one baptism at conversion, but there are many fillings of the Spirit.

Because Ephesians 5:18 is a clear command, we don’t have to wonder how to apply this teaching. Simply “be filled”! Yes, imperfect you with your overwhelming day and feelings of inadequacy and exhaustion. Get right with the Lord and be filled—“Confess [your] sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

Pray this: “Lord, please fill me with Your Spirit today.” Believe you have received His filling, and remember He is with you wherever you go. Then get ready to experience God’s transforming power as He lives through you.

Journal

When have you experienced the empowered life of the Holy Spirit controlling and living through you?

We must clear the way for the filing of the Holy Spirit. What do you need to confess and repent of? What acts of restitution do you need to do to make things right with others?

Pray

God, I know You want to fill me but will not until I remove the barriers. Please bring to my mind my unconfessed sins and help me repent of them. Will You fill me with Your Holy Spirit? Live Your life through me today. Make me the person You want me to be for the fame and glory of Your great name. I believe You will fill me with Your Spirit, and pray this now in Jesus’ precious name, amen.

Our Journey devotionals are brought to you by Change Partners of Walk in the Word.

Source: http://www.jamesmacdonald.com/teaching/devotionals/?utm_source=Walk+in+the+Word+%7C+Our+Journey+Online&utm_campaign=5d9a957533-Our+Journe…

You: Be Filled was originally published on BIBLE Knowledge

The post You: Be Filled first appeared on Koa Sinag.

[lindajenni]

aug 29

when i talk to God

"when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place." matt 6:6

what do you talk about when you talk to God. our God knows all things, even before we do. so what do you talk about when you talk to God. believe it or not, i often talk about you - each of you - each and every one who reads these dailies that i aspire to write - trying first to point everyone to our Lord and Savior, and also to encourage those who might be downtrodden by life and the encroaching darkness.

i also pray that the words i write are not my own but God's, for they are truly the only ones that matter. also that my words and thoughts never get mingled with His, thereby diluting His truth on matters - eternal matters. i pray for His anointing upon them that they might have the desired effect.

so once again i come to each of you, as though i were there in your very presence, seeking once more to lift your spirits to the heights i know it can reach. there is One who loves us as none other can. the shame and suffering He endured so He might lavish you with His love throughout eternity cannot now be know by any.

YOU - "who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. in this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 1 pet 1:5-7

a while back i talked about the goodness of God, and it is so, so true. that's not to say everything has always been a bed of roses and without life struggles. it is to say He was always there with me through it all. i think again of the story of the footprints in the sand and how often, when looking back, there was only one set walking alone. these were indeed the times when the Lord carried me. He carries us when we are too weak to carry ourselves.

there's a star in the darkest night just to give a little light it will guide us through the night when hope is gone soon the darkness fades away and there breaks a golden day just remember darkness comes before the dawn

like a shepherd kind and true Jesus cares for me and you tho at times it seems we just cannot go on He says child come unto me so not worry - do not fear just remember darkness comes before the dawn

He makes a way when there is no way turns the night to golden day o'er life's rugged road, He'll give a happy song when you walk in darkest night and you see a ray of light just remember darkness comes before the dawn

"i would have lost heart, unless i had believed that i would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." psa 27:13 the darkness we see now is only a prelude to the "golden day" approaching. and golden it is, full of glory and gifts - gifts the Lord long to lavish upon those who love His name. "'they shall be Mine,' says the Lord of hosts, 'on the day that I make them My jewels. and I will spare them as a man spares his own son who serves him.'" mal 3:17

we may not be spared from the wrath of man or the torments of the devil, but what is that, knowing we shall be spared from the wrath of Almighty God? "for i consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." rom 8:18 remember - God on the mountain is still God in the valley.

“do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom." luke 12:32

[aesudan-kholin]

adolin and elhokar and gaz all have something in common, any guesses as to what it is

[dreamwritesimagines]

Twisted 23 - Surrender [Spencer Reid x Reader]

A.N.: Thank you so much for your wonderful support my loves! Here’s the next chapter, I hope you will like it as well, and please let me know what you think of it! ❤❤ Ily, kisses! ❤❤❤

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Murder, serial killers, violence, manipulation, mentions of sex, drinking, smoking.

Word Count: 4400

Summary: Secrets can’t stay hidden forever.

The possibility of you sitting with a killer who had sworn to destroy you was scary for sure, but thinking that the said killer could be much closer to you than you had thought was enough to make your blood freeze in your veins.

It was as if you were going through the same thing that had happened with your dad ages ago, but with a small difference;

Your dad had never tried to hurt you, but this time the killer was coming after you.

Spencer stood beside you as you exhaled the smoke of your cigarette into the air, your hands still shaky but you forced yourself to focus on the police and the FBI escorting people out of the building while he kept his gaze on you.

“You might be wrong though?” you managed to ask, looking up at him, “Right? Maybe it’s not—maybe it’s not someone as close to me?”

Spencer heaved a sigh, “We need more evidence, but you need to keep that in mind that it is possible. I mean— it makes more sense than it being just a stranger, don’t you agree?”

“I don’t agree that I’ve had the misfortune to be close with two serial killers throughout my life, no,” you murmured through frozen lips, “Maybe it’s me. Maybe I was doomed to survive one serial killer to be killed by another.”

“I will never let that happen.”

You took another drag of your cigarette, “I have a feeling the killer might end up not asking for your permission, professor,” you stated and turned your head when you heard the sound of heels coming closer. Mina ran a hand over her face, clearing her throat.

“I sent Kenz away from here,” Mina said and it didn’t escape your notice how she was deliberately avoiding giving any details, just in case. “We’ll regroup at mom’s place, you, me and mom.”

“Just us?”

Mina clicked her tongue, “All things considered,” she murmured, “So I’m not going to beat around the bush; we both agree that it’s not Kenzie right?”

You nodded, “Clearly,” you said and pulled your brows together, “Wait, we’re sure it’s not Kenzie but we still suspect each other?”

“I don’t know, do we?” Mina asked back and you shifted your weight, looking down at the cigarette in your hand.

“Mina, I don’t—”

“Listen, it’s not the place for this conversation,” she interrupted you, “Mom’s place, half an hour.”

“That might not be the best idea,” Spencer said, looking between you two and Mina scoffed.

“It’s not our first rodeo with a serial killer among us, Dr. Reid,” she said, “I already gave a list of my alibis to your colleagues, so did my mother. There’s nothing to keep us here.” She nodded at you, “Don’t be late, we have a lot to talk about.”

With that, she walked away from you two and grabbed her keys from the valet while you stubbed your cigarette.

“So did you check everyone’s alibis?”

“Yeah, at least the people close to you,” Spencer said, “They all look solid.”

You raised your brows, “But?”

Spencer clenched his jaw, “I need to go over all the files, all the recordings with your father—”

“I don’t think it’s my father who’s behind this. Not this time, and not at the cabin. He wouldn’t dare.”

He frowned, “Why do you keep saying that?”

“Well think about what happened the last time I-“ you snapped your fingers, “Right. You weren’t there.”

“What happened? Luke just said you walked away because your father got on your nerve.”

“That’s one way to put it,” you muttered and motioned at the valet to give him your ticket so that he could bring your car, “Listen, I gotta go. Mom is probably at home and Mina is going there and I can’t….I need to talk to them.”

“It might be dangerous.”

“Spencer, it’s my family we’re talking about,” you insisted, “I can’t— if I start suspecting them too, I have nothing left to hold on to.”

He opened his mouth to disagree but you saw Luke coming closer to both of you.

“Hey, Rossi says we need to get back to the office. Emily and Tara are already there,” he told Spencer and turned to you, “We need to stop meeting like this, trust fund baby.”

“Dude, you guys are the ones who show up and scream murder everywhere I go.”

Luke chuckled, holding up his hands and mocking surrender while valet pulled over in front of you.

“Here you go ma’am.”

“Thank you,” you offered him a small smile before you looked up at Spencer. “I’ll see you later I guess.”

“Call me when you get there, we’re also sending a car to your mother’s place and your place just to be sure.”

You nodded, heaving a sigh and Spencer squeezed your arm as if to assure you before pressing a kiss on top of your head.

“Be careful.”

“Hey I was trained by a serial killer, how many people can say that?” you tried to joke as you walked to your car, “I’ll be fine.”

You got into your car and valet closed it, then you started the car and drove off.

                                                 ***

The living room was completely silent in your mother’s house. In fact, the whole house was silent, the only noise was the constant ticking of the huge clock on the wall while all three of you sat still, waiting for someone else to talk. Your mother drummed her fingernails on the table, something she would reprimand you for doing if it were another time, Mina bit inside her cheek, her gaze fixed on the wall and you downed the whiskey in your glass, then filled it again.

“Okay,” Mina said and sat up straighter and looked between you, “I just want to say, if it was someone in this room this whole time, we can- I can fix this.”

“Jesus Christ, Mina!”

“You can’t possibly suspect-“

“We’ll say it was dad’s influence, we’ll call it trauma after-“

“Do you hear what you’re saying?”

“I’m just saying, if it is one of us, it’s dad’s fault.”

“It’s not one of us!” you insisted but then you turned your head when you heard the doorbell ring. The sound of heels came closer and Mina threw her head back as soon as Kenzie walked inside.

“Kenz, I told you to-“

“Yeah, spare me the bullshit, I came as soon as I made sure Lily was alright and safe,” she waved a hand in the air and you closed your eyes for a moment.

“Kenzie, you really shouldn’t be here.”

“Why? So that all of you can dramatically blame each other? I know how you guys get, there’s not an ounce of logic between the three of you.”

Your mom heaved a sigh and got the whiskey bottle from you, “What did Spencer say again?”

“That it was possible it was someone at our table. It’d make more sense than it being a stranger.”

“So either one of us, or Lincoln, or Nolan.”

Your mom gasped, “Nolan had nothing to do with that!”

“Just saying, it wouldn’t be the first time some man you loved didn’t turn out to be the man he pretends to be-“

“Mina, low blow,” you cleared your throat and your mother narrowed her eyes.

“I know it’s not him.”

“Then it has to be Lincoln.”

You let out a small laugh, “Dude, don’t you remember what he was like when we were children? He cried when he saw me scrape my knees and his mom had to take him away.”

“People change.”

“I’m pretty sure I’d know if one of my best friends were a serial killer, Mina.”

“He came late to the auction.”

“So did all of you!” you insisted, “You don’t see me blaming you- by that logic where were you?”

“Are you kidding me? My meeting took longer than I expected, go check my security camera footage. Where were you?”

“Mina!”

“I was literally talking to Spencer while it was happening!”

“Are you two seriously blaming each other?” Kenzie gawked at you and Mina shrugged her shoulders before turning to your mother.

“How about you mom?”

“What is this, an Agatha Christie novel?” your mother asked, exasperated, “Ask the driver, it took us more than an hour to get there because of the accident.”

“It could be anyone in that auction hall, yes, including someone in this room but they checked our alibis. Spencer said it was a possibility, not that it was certain,” you managed to say, “They still need more evidence and I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to start blaming the only people in my life that I actually trust.”

A silence fell upon you and Kenzie sat down beside you, then filled herself a drink as well.

“The moment we start blaming each other, we’re lost,” she said, looking Mina in the eye, “Your dad almost tore this family apart once, don’t let this copycat do the same. It’s not one of us and you know it.”

“No one is blaming you Kenz,” you rasped out and Mina ran a hand over her face.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered, “Jesus, I’m— it’s just that… It fucks with my head.”

“You get used to it,” you sipped your drink and turned to your mother, “For what it’s worth, I really don’t think it’s Nolan either. I mean what are the chances of getting married to a serial killer twi—“ you stopped talking as soon as Kenzie kicked you under the table and Mina gasped, shooting you a look as you covered your mouth. Your mother stared at you, her jaw dropping and you cleared your throat, trying your hardest to come up with something.

“I mean—“ you stammered, “I’m drunk and I just saw Spencer being all hot and whispering in my ear after there was a murder so my feelings are all over the place, I don’t know what I—“

“Now that she fucked up first, I can say it.” Mina said, “Nolan will ask you to marry him.”

“I was un-fucking it!” You hissed and Mina scoffed.

“You haven’t un-fucked a thing in your goddamn life.”

“I can’t believe this is how I’m finding out about this,” your mother breathed out, still staring at you two and you let out a whine, burying your face into your hands.

“I’m sorry!” your voice came out muffled and Kenzie let out a giggle, patting your arm as you raised your head again, “I- well- my dad was a serial killer!”

“What is that, your out of jail card?” Mina asked, “The same guy was also my dad but you don’t see me giving out secrets and spoiling surprises.”

“When did he say that to you?” Your mother asked, sitting up straight, “Y/N, you’re telling me everything right now!”

“I saw my ex looking hot tonight and someone got murdered while I was flirting with him, I’m allowed to mess up once or twice!”

“That’s a strange way of describing your whole life.”

“Shut up Mina or I swear—“

“Y/N!”

“He asked for my blessing and I said yes,” you murmured, “So did Mina and Kenzie. But I think we all threatened him first, right?”

“Nope, you’re the creepy one in this group.”

“Yeah I think it was just you.”

“Fine! Okay, I threatened him first,” you admitted as your mother stared at you, “In my defense, I was also pretty drunk back then because of my break up with the love of my life, in case anyone at this table forgot—“

“I wish. Maybe I could try to forget it if you stopped talking about it for five fucking minutes though.”

“Babe!”

“And my serial killer father—“

“Having daddy issues isn’t an excuse to be a snitch, bitch.”

“Mina, stop insulting your sister for a moment,” your mother told her and turned to you, “What did he tell you?”

“That he has been in love with you for… I don’t know, centuries because he’s like a five hundred years old vampire.”

“He feeds on money though, not blood.” Mina pointed out, “I actually can see him as an evil lord somewhere, now that you mentioned.”

“Getting information from this family is a nightmare,” your mother heaved a sigh, “And?”

“And nothing. Make sure to get your nails done when he takes you on a dinner now that we all gave him our blessing but I’m so not planning your wedding, my client list is full.”

“Nobody buys that excuse Y/N,” Kenzie reminded helpfully and your mother shook her head.

“Oh but I can’t possibly—“ she heaved a sigh, “I can’t marry him yet.”

Instantly, all three of you turned to him with the same surprised expression on your faces.

“…Were you gonna hit it and quit it mom?”

Your mother pinched the bridge of her nose “Mina, what is wrong with you tonight?”

“I have no idea. Is this what being traumatized is?”

“Yeah welcome to the club, I’ve been here for a while,” you waved your hands in the air, “Mom, I thought you loved Nolan. Don’t you?”

“No, I’m completely in love with him!” your mother said quickly, “He’s the best man I’ve ever known or been with.”

“Meh, let’s not pretend the bar is—“ Mina started but stopped talking when Kenzie elbowed her, “Sorry. I’m just going to keep drinking over here to keep my mouth busy.”

“But?”

“Sweetie, I can’t get married when…” your mother gestured at you, “When you haven’t found a partner yet!”

You made a face, “Why did we teleport into Jane Austen times all of a sudden?”

“No, you know what people would say.”

“Since when does that stop you?” you asked her, “Come on, who the fuck cares what anyone thinks? They can all go to hell.”

“Y/N, I appreciate the thought but-“

“Mom,” you said, “I might just end up alone, okay? You can’t spend the rest of your life waiting for me to get married or find a partner or something just because of some stupid unwritten rule. Fuck those people, let them talk.”

“It wouldn’t be appropriate for me to have an actual wedding either.”

“Who’s coming up with these rules?” Mina exclaimed, “Mom, do whatever you want. This family threw appropriate out of the window long ago.”

Kenzie nodded fervently, “People will always find something to criticize, you can’t let that get to you. If you love him, go for it.”

“But wait for him to propose first, I have a feeling it’ll be the biggest ring I’ve ever seen,” you clinked your glass with hers and wiggled your brows, “Can I please be the one to tell dad though? I want to record the look of devastation on his face. I’ll make it my wallpaper.”

                                                  ***

The next day, you tried your hardest to focus on work. Even if Spencer’s words kept echoing in your ears, you couldn’t help but think that he had to be wrong.

Maybe he was. Maybe it was someone else in the hall, other than your family or Nolan or Lincoln. It was impossible for you to suspect anyone in your family, and Nolan and Lincoln had had more than enough time to be alone with you and hurt you, but neither of them had given you any sign of being dangerous.

Besides, you were sure that after spending so much time with your father, you’d be able to tell if it was someone around you.

Or at least you hoped so.

You took a sip of your rosé and bit inside your cheek, staring at your dinner table in the middle of the living room which now looked like something pulled out of a horror movie. You heaved a sigh, holding your hand over the various types of knives, the memory flashing in your head.

“Alright Petal,” your father tugged you by the hand so that you could get closer to the coffee table full of knives, “Let’s see if you studied like I told you, hm?”

“I have!” you gave him a bright smile before you bit at the stick candy and he raised his brows.

“Honey, don’t bite at candy, you’ll ruin your teeth.”

“No I won’t,” you said stubbornly, still holding the candy tight, “I’ll brush my teeth afterwards.”

He heaved a sigh and grabbed a blade off the table, then held it up.

“What is this?”

“A trench knife,” you said, looking at the handle that looked more like brass knuckles your father had shown you before, “You can hold it over your fingers so it’s better for…for…”

“Close combat.”

You nodded, still chewing on the candy and your father put it back, then showed you another.

“This?”

“Push dagger!”

“How do we use push dagger?”

“When you hold it in your palm, the blade is between your fingers.”

“So that…?”

“So that the prey can’t see it until it’s too late.”

He nodded, “You really did pay attention, Petal,” he commented and you giggled, rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet and turned the candy in your mouth as he held up another blade.

“This?”

“Butterfly knife!” you said and motioned at him, “I want that one.”

“Because it’s called a butterfly?”

“Daddy I love butterflies!”

He smiled, then grabbed another from the table, “Do you know what it is?”

“Another butterfly knife?”

“No honey, this is called a trainer, see?” he showed you, “I want you to practice with this first. It has no knife, so you won’t be cutting yourself until I say you can switch to an actual one.”

You clicked your tongue, twirling the butterfly knife between your fingers, the motion almost automatic. You had become so good at it when you were a child that you didn’t even need to think about how to flip the knife after all these years, your hands already remembered it.

“Trench knife, push dagger,” you counted slowly as the thunder lit up the dark sky outside, “Good for close combat, good for stealth….Stiletto, good for deeper wounds. Bowie is good for—“ you were cut off when you heard someone banging their fist on the door. You could feel your heartbeat getting faster and you flipped the butterfly knife in your hand, approaching the door but as soon as you looked through the peephole, your stomach made a happy flip.

“Spencer?” you muttered and opened the door, “What’re you—”

“Are you insane?” he cut you off, glaring daggers at you and you pulled your brows together.

“Huh?” you asked as he walked past you into the apartment and you closed the door before following him. He ran a hand through his curls, clearly the rain outside had made his hair even messier and he turned around to say something, but then got distracted.

“Why are you holding a butterfly knife?” he asked and you flipped it again before throwing it on the table and he frowned at the sight on the table.

“What the hell is this?”

“Uh, butterfly knife, trench knife,” you pointed with your finger as you counted them, “That’s a stiletto knife, that’s a switch blade, right next to it is a push dagger and the one over there is called—“

“I know what they are, why am I looking at them?”

You arched a brow, “Take a guess.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“What?” you let out a bitter laugh, “I’m done taking it lying down, okay? Last night was the last straw, if that copycat wants to come after me, I say let them. The man who they’re looking up to was the same man who trained me for my whole childhood, I like these odds.”

“Yeah?” he scoffed, his eyes narrowed in anger, “Is that why you threatened one of the most dangerous serial killers of our time?”

You tilted your head, “My father?”

He threw his hands in the air, frustration getting the best of him,

“Yes, your father!”

“So you basically ran all the way here to yell at me because I threatened my father?” you asked as you walked past him, then grabbed your wine glass and leaned back to the table, “Don’t worry professor, it’s a family thing. We’re impulsive. He’ll be fine, unfortunately.”

He ran a hand over his face, “What were you thinking?”

“To be honest with you, I kind of wasn’t thinking,” you pointed out before you took a sip of your wine, “How is he these days, by the way?”

“I’m glad you find this entertaining,” he said through his teeth, “Because I can assure you, this is not funny.”

“Oh come on, it’s a little funny.”

He took a deep breath as if he was trying to control himself, “You think threatening a serial killer with murder is funny?”

“I mean have you seen the look on his face? I don’t know if the video got that but—“

“Why did you break up with me?”

Well, Spencer had a way of taking you by surprise, that was for sure. You lowered the glass and blinked a couple of times, trying to pull yourself together.

“I’m sorry?”

“You heard me. Why did you break up with me if you were going to threaten a damn serial killer because he implied he might come after me?”

“I hope you know that normal exes don’t have these kind of conversations,” you tried to joke but he only raised his brows.

“Y/N.”

“Spencer,” you heaved a sigh “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think I do,” he said, his voice almost too low, “You just don’t want me to know what I’m talking about.”

“Listen, I know how it might look like but I can assure you I’d do it for any—“

“Garcia was with me while I was watching those tapes.”

Your eyes snapped up to his as your breath got caught in your throat. You swallowed thickly, painfully aware of how he was probably seeing all your tells but even that thought didn’t stop you from drumming your fingernails on the fragile glass you were holding, pursing your lips for a moment before you cleared your throat.

“What—um—what did she say?”

“You mean before or after she said you broke up with me to protect me even if I’m an FBI agent already working on this case?”

God damn it Garcia.

The thunder boomed outside again and you frantically tried to find the right words, but it felt impossible to do so. He took a step closer to you while you stared at him, completely frozen and you closed your eyes for a moment.

“Spencer…” you muttered as you opened your eyes again, “Whatever training they gave you, trust me, they didn’t train you for my father.”

“Is that why you said all that stuff back then?” he asked slowly, “When we broke up?”

“It doesn’t matter—“

“Yes it does.”

A sad smile pulled at your lips as you put your wine glass down, and shrugged your shoulders.

“I thought—um, I thought it I hurt you that badly, you’d never want to see me again,” you admitted, “So if you were away from me, you’d be safe. Away from my father, away from the copycat, away from all of this. Working on this case is not the same as being caught in this fucked up web, you know that.”

“You didn’t think you should’ve at least asked my opinion on this?”

“You would’ve said no.”

“Of course I would’ve said no!”

“Exactly!” you threw up your hands, “You might not care about your survival in this situation, but I do, okay? I love you too much to let you get hurt because of me—” as soon as your brain acknowledged what had just slipped from your lips, you stopped talking, your breathing getting faster while panic seemed to flood your system. He stared at you, a soft light appearing in his eyes and you shook your head at yourself.

“Fucking great,” you muttered, “Yeah, um you— I’m— it doesn’t matter. Do whatever you want to do with that information.”

You took a step to walk past him but he had already grabbed your arm and pulled you back. Before you could even ask him what he was doing, his lips found yours, letting that warmth shoot through your stomach into your whole system. The feeling was so sudden but so mind numbing that you thought Spencer was right before, this was definitely like a drug, an addiction. His fingers caressed over your neck while your body pressed against his like some sort of a magnet and a soft whine escaped from you as he pulled back slightly.

“Don’t run away,” he whispered against your lips “Not this time.”

You felt the tears rushing to your eyes. “Spencer-“

“I love you.”

“You shouldn’t,” you murmured before he stole another kiss from you.

“I love you,” he repeated, his hazel eyes locked in yours, “And I’m done pretending like I don’t.”

It was a bad idea. You knew it was a bad idea, you knew it would put him in danger, but none of that seemed to matter to you after hearing that he loved you. For some reason, you were convinced that you two would find a way, that everything would be alright as long as you loved each other, naïve as it was.

The happiness burst through you, wrapping you in a soft and warm haze as you reached back with one hand to sweep everything off the table, sending all the knives to the floor with a loud noise before you jumped to sit on the table. A small chuckle left his lips when you tugged at his jacket and he tilted his head.

“What, you don’t have a bed?” he taunted you and you grinned.

“The bed can wait,” you murmured as he dragged his fingertips up your bare legs to pull you closer to him, drawing a giggle from your lips before he kissed you again.

Chapter 24

[dakotacrisis]

Trust Me, Trust Me

Because for some reason the writers will not give the Lukanette shippers what they deserve, we must take matters into our own hands. If you have not seen the latest ML episode this will contain major spoilers! You have been warned!

But other than that please enjoy this quick little fix-it fic for all you Lukanette lovers.

---

If Hawkmoth could get a new hobby that would be great. It really would be. Maybe he can take up bird watching or stamp collecting or origami. You know, just a little something that can take up his time so he isn’t interrupting one of Marinette’s dates for once in her life! She swore, if she had to miss another date because the butterfly man wanted some earrings she was going to hunt him down and skin him alive.

Marinette had made the decision to let go of her crush on Adrien and start dating Luka shortly after their trip to New York. She cared for him, loved him, but he was always just out of reach. Upon coming back to Paris and seeing how happy he was with Kagami, Marinette understood where his heart truly lies. It was the confirmation she needed.

It was hard at first given how long she had been pining after Adrien. He still held a precious place in her heart but every time she was with Luka it blended into platonic love a bit more. Her first step was to get rid of all the pictures of Adrien she had pinned up in her room until all that remained were some catalog snapshots in her inspiration book and a couple friendly group shots on her wall.

She was ready to move forward with Luka. She really was. Now if only she could get through a date without Hawkmoth interrupting it. The man had an uncanny ability to start something the second she was alone with Luka or when they had plans. The movies, ice cream dates, bike rides, concerts, she was missing it all and it tore her apart. She could tell it was starting to wear on Luka too. Not that she blamed him in the least. Marinette left because it was her duty but Luka had to watch her runaway from him dozens of times with little to no explanation.

Lies were becoming as easy to her as breathing and it sickened her. Luka deserved so much better than that. A few times she thought that maybe she should end both their suffering and call things off but then he would smile at her, play her a song, and kiss her forehead and everything would be right again. She couldn’t think of leaving him when he always welcomed her back into his arms with a smile. It was like his faith in her was unshakeable.

At least that’s what Marinette had thought. Luka was very trusting and understanding but everyone has a breaking point. Even someone as patient as Luka. Watching her boyfriend get akumatized because she couldn’t tell him the truth of why she always disappeared broke her heart. Having to fight him hurt even worse. Learning that the father he never knew was actually their favorite singer was jarring. Poor boy woke up in Marinette’s room not remembering anything about his akumatization or what he learned about his family.

That evening after Luka went home Marinette sat in her room debating what to do. The real truth was out of the question. Telling him that she was Ladybug would only put him and everyone she cares about in danger. But she had to tell him something!

She also needed to have a conversation with her friends because apparently, even after dating Luka for weeks, they still think she is madly in love with Adrien. Even if she was, so many people know about it at this point that she hesitates to call it a secret. The only person who never knew was Adrien himself! But that’s a problem for another day.

What she needed to do was talk to Luka. She called him up and they agreed to meet up under the bridge. He smiled when he saw her and it broke her heart all the more, that even after today he could still greet her with that warm smile.

“Hi, thanks for meeting me so late,” Marinette said.

“We did leave things kinda unresolved earlier, didn’t we?” Luka sighed, “A lot happened today and even though I don’t remember any of it I was filled in later. When I went home my mom was waiting for me and asked if I remembered anything from being akumatized. When I said no she told me who my dad is.”

“She did?” Marinette wasn’t surprised, if she didn’t tell him then someone else on the boat surely would have.

“Turns out it’s Jagged Stone.” He shook his head, “ My idol is also my dad. I don’t know how to feel about that. All these years I felt a connection to him but I thought it was just because we were both musicians. Turns it out it runs a lot deeper than that.”

“I can’t imagine what that must be like.” Marinette said, “Do you think you’ll talk to him after this?”

“I feel like I have to. I still have so many questions.” He looked back at Marinette and his smile returned, “Enough about all that though. What did you want to talk about?”

“Well now I don’t know if this is the best conversation to have considering what all you’ve already gone through today.” Marinette suddenly felt like an idiot. She shouldn’t be pushing more onto him when he’s already clearly going through a lot.

“Are you breaking up with me?” He asked, eyes full of careful trepidation.

“What? No! Of course not!” Marinette clasped his hands with hers. “Is that what you want?”

“Never. I just know that you’ve been missing out on a lot of our dates and…” He glanced down at their clasped hands, “I thought it might be because you were unsure about us. I miss you, Marinette.”

“I miss you too.” Marinette squeezed his hands tighter, “I want to tell you the truth so badly, Luka. It would clear up everything and then you’d understand why I do the things I do but I can’t tell you. It’s not because I don’t trust you but because it’s something that I know will only cause problems for you if I do.”

“Does this have anything to do with Adrien?”

“Absolutely not. This is in no way related to Adrien or my feelings or anything like that. It’s a lot more complicated than all that.”

“Can you explain it then? You don’t have to go into details if it is really that precious a secret but you need to give me something here, Marinette. I feel like you’re drifting further and further away from me and I can’t figure out what’s causing it.”

“The truth...the truth is…” Marinette swallowed back all the lies and looked into her boyfriend’s eyes. He had so much faith in her. He trusted her so much, she owed him at least this. “The truth is that I have a certain responsibility that I cannot neglect. I get called to take care of it sporadically and no matter how much I wish that I could take a day off I can’t.”

Tears threatened to spill from her eyes but she willed them back, “It feels like my life has been uprooted because of it but I can’t just back out of it either. I enjoy what I do but it always ends up hurting me and those around me in ways that I didn’t think it would when I took on this responsibility. Is any of what I’m saying making sense?”

“Marinette,” Luke pulled her closer, enveloping her in a warm hug, “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not! Because I can’t control what’s going on and it’s not fair to you and I just wish that we could have normal dates and be together like normal people.” She hiccuped, “I really like you, Luka. I want to be your girlfriend and go out on dates and have fun together but my responsibilities keep getting in the way. Everything is falling apart around me and I don’t know how to fix it. I feel like I’m way in over my head trying to keep everything from crumbling.”

“Hush now,” He rubbed a hand across her back, “It’ll be alright. I don’t know what pressure you must be under but you are doing the best you can. Even if the best you can is struggling that doesn’t mean you are doing nothing. You are doing everything you can at the capacity you are capable of doing it. That is all that can be expected of you so if a few things slip through the cracks it is not your fault. You were not being neglectful of your duties, you tried your very best. If you did nothing then that would be even worse, right?”

“But--”

Luka pulled back, grasping at her shoulders and stared hard into her eyes, “You are doing the best you can! Are you listening to me? You are doing all you can and that is enough! You are doing enough!”

Marinette started sobbing. The tears she had so desperately tried to keep away ran hot and wet down her face. Her throat was making an ugly croaking noise as she wailed and clung tightly onto Luka. She could barely breathe with how hard she started crying. Years of pent up sorrow, anger, and fear was flooding out of her and she couldn’t get it to stop even if her life depended on it.

Luka held her close and let her cry. He didn’t try to say anything to make her feel better. He just held her and hummed a peaceful melody in her ear. She wasn’t sure how long they stood there while she cried but when it was over Luka still did not let her go. Not until her hiccuping sobs quieted down into manageable sniffles.

“Feel better?” He asked, wiping the tears from her eyes. Marinette nodded. “Good. Don’t ever feel like you need to hide your struggles from me, Marinette. If you need to run off and do what you need to do then just tell me. I won’t get angry, I won’t try to stop you, I just want to know that at the end of the day that you’re okay. Dates can be rescheduled easily enough. I’m just happy to spend any time I can with you.”

“I feel like you’re being way nicer to me than I probably deserve.”

“And I think you’ve been denying yourself a lot more than you should. No matter what is going on in your life, Marinette, it doesn’t mean that you need to miss out on everything else. You can be upset and selfish. You should be. Bottling all of that up will only hurt you worse in the end.”

Marinette took a deep breath. “Well, I don’t have any other plans for tonight, did you want to do something?”

Luka smiled and kissed her forehead, “Anything you want, my melody.”

“Is it too late to go back to the boat and have a movie night?”

“Not at all,” He threaded his fingers through hers and they started the walk back to Luka’s house.

They were smiling and laughing the whole walk back. At the ramp to the boathouse though was an unexpected visitor. Luka froze, his grip on Marinette’s hand getting tighter.

“Luka,” Jagged Stone nodded to him.

“Jagged.” Luka said. His expression was unreadable.

“I’m sorry,” Jagged said, “Rock star or not I should have been around for you and your mother and your sister. I guess I felt too inadequate to be a proper father like you deserved. That’s not an excuse but--”

“Hey,” Juleka appeared on the ramp startling everyone. The girl was like a freaking ghost. “Are you my dad too or just Luka?”

“I’m your dad too.” Jagged answered.

“Awesome.” Juleka smiled and returned to inside the ship.

“Wait! Do you not have any questions?” Jagged called after her but Juleka didn’t seem all that concerned with the information. Luka wasn’t surprised. She never worried herself about who her dad was like Luka always had. She figured that she had the family she did and that was that.

“Jagged,” Luka said, “I’m glad I know the truth now and I appreciate you coming out here but it has been a long day. Right now all I want to do is sit down, watch a movie, cuddle with my girlfriend and process what all I’ve learned today. You are more than welcome to come by later this week but I really just need some time to myself to sort through all this first.”

“Yes, of course,” Jagged glanced at Marinette and his face lit up like the Eiffel Tower, “And are you dating Marinette? That is awesome! I knew you must have had great taste in women, just like your old man!”

“Jagged!” Luka’s mom shouted from the boat, “That’s enough out of you tonight! The boy wants to be left alone!”

“It’s alright, mom!” Luka shouted back. “Go back inside, I got this handled.”

Mrs. Couffaine sighed and went back inside, all the while still glaring at Jagged. “She’s right,” Jagged said, “I should be going. Enjoy your evening. And Luka, whenever you’re ready to talk I’ll be here.”

“Thanks,” Luka said, “I’ll be seeing you soon.”

With that Jagged dug his hands deep in his pockets and wandered down the street and out of sight. “You okay?” Marinette asked after he was gone.

“Still taking it all in but I’m fine. Now come here, I promised you a movie night.” Luka pulled her onto the boat. They settled down in the living room area. Marinette picked out a movie while Luka made some popcorn for them to munch on.

The opening credits began to roll and Marinette tucked herself into Luka’s side. One of his hands played idly with the ends of her hair. She sunk into his touch like a puppet whose strings had been cut. “Luka,” she whispered, lifting her head up to look at him.

“Hm?” Luka gazed down at her, “Need something?”

“Can I kiss you?” The questioned breathed past her lips.

“Yes you can,” He pulled her up closer. Their eyes drifted shut as his lips brushed against one another in the gentlest of kisses. Marinette’s insides fluttered happily as she met his soft lips again, kissing him deeper. He held her close tilting her head just so, so he could access her mouth better.

She giggled into the kiss. Her happiness unable to contain itself for even a moment. Luka chuckled too at her giggling so it rumbled against her lips. “What’s so funny?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“I’m just...happy.” She sighed, “I’m really happy here with you. And that’s the truth.”

[sheep33hallow]

Unapologetic Manifesting(ObiKin, VaderWan)

Summary: His chest feels heavy as he talks. “I don’t think dogs’ tongues are long enough and the sniffing may be to bond.”

“Should I sniff people then?”

“Leia, no.”

Tags: Suitless!Vader, Long haired!Vader, Han, Luke and Leia are their kids, Humor, Fluff, inappropriate use of the force

Rating: G

AO3

Word Count: 2693

_________

 Obi-Wan and Vader sit in the front row of their children’s school auditorium, with horrible veiled glee as their son continues to convulse on stage, long after his character is stabbed to death by various senators.

 He spoke the famous “et tu brute” and ‘died’, but he looked like a dried up tumbleweed moving about, spearing fake blood over the stage.

 “Should I use the force to make him stop?” Vader whispered to his spouse, their eldest twin, Leia was on his lap, while the other was sitting on the other side of Obi-Wan.

 He chuckled. “God, we might. He’s so much like you.”

 “Oh, handsome, people wanting me dead, jealous?”

 “Dramatic.” His former Master said.

 Obi-Wan watches his husband flex his fingers, as his son’s body goes stiff on stage. It levitates a few inches off the ground which makes the other children actors cry about in horror, Obi-Wan has to bite his lip to keep the laughter in. He can’t be seen in public laughing at children’s true horrified expressions.

 His twins on the other hand are not following in his footsteps.

 Anakin gives mercy and drops his child and the curtains close on an early Act. An announcement is made to the audience that they need to check on the children before resuming the play.

 “You’re terrible.” Thinking this is a good opportunity to take his children to the bathroom.

 “I’m dramatic, remember.” He massages Obi-Wan’s ring finger which has a tattooed binary code as a wedding ring.

 Obi-Wan takes each child into a hand, at the same time two teachers that run the play apologize for the mysterious incident. They ask if they want to take Han home to be checked over by a doctor, but Vader waves them off, saying he felt no disturbance.

 They trust his opinion as the enforcer of the Empire.

 He returns back just in time for the next Act to begin. They see their son on stage this time, in a new outfit, he doesn’t remember the character he is playing, he looks ready to go home. Luke takes Leia’s spot on Anakin’s lap, while Obi-Wan has to tell Leia to speak quieter. His daughter was born with the gift of gab, she likes to talk to everyone and the man next to her is her newest victim.

 “Remember when I was their age?” Asks Vader.

 Obi-Wan’s legs are crossed, his body turned inward toward his husband. “I do.”

 “Think one of those kids has found their life partner already like I did?” Luke is tucked under his neck, almost on the verge of slumber.

 “I hope not.” He whispers.

 Yellow eyes shift toward him. “Why not?”

 “Having kids past forty, isn’t something I’d recommend.”

 Vader’s eyes go half mass. “I would have carried them.”

 Obi-Wan can’t stop the ugly snort. “I rather like my stretch marks. You have enough scars.” Then he leans over, pressing his lips upon Vaders.

 At the same time, a boy too tall for his age runs on stage, knocking everyone down with his cardboard sword. He remembers the boy was using sign language for those in the crowd to follow along. He sees Lando in the corner, has taken his spot.

 Han once again dies in a dramatic fashion. He flings himself over the edge of the stage, his body hanging, as more fake blood drips onto the carpeted floor.

 Leia tells the man next to her that their plan was horrible from the start.

 Obi-Wan wonders who thought it was a good idea for 10 year olds to do a rendition of Julius Caesar.

 _________________

 Everyone is back home now, except Han. He’s at his new friend’s house, the too tall boy, his  name is Chester, but they call him Chewy.

 Chewy had a mouth full of braces, so he can only imagine how he got that name.

 Luke and Leia are in their playroom, no bedtime in order since it is the weekend. A droid checks on them every hour in case of emergencies. Vader has pulled his spouse into this workshop to show him his new invention. Obi-Wan used to wonder why his attention mattered so much to his spouse, since he couldn’t understand androids or binary code, but after years of being together, Vader just likes his attention.

 Vader has discarded his robes from earlier, his chest is bare and his legs are covered by cotton sweats. His long hair, which Obi-Wan refuses to let him cut, is half up and half down tied with a sparkly pink elastic. While his husband is kneel down in front of him, Obi-Wan decides to put the pink clip of his daughter’s he found earlier into his husband’s hair.

 “I’m going to detach this okay?” Vader says from his knelt position.

 Obi-Wan grabs onto the table next to him. “Alright.”

 With a tug, his prosthetic leg is removed from his thigh. Using his other leg, he readjust himself on the stool. He is still in his robes, but without the pants, having been discarded somewhere in the workshop. His top robe is split on the sides, so it’s easy access.

 Vader was the one who took his leg from him all those years ago during their most intense battle on Mustafar. He fell to the ground in pain, the lava heat burning his wound close, he remembers the screams, the unholy screams he didn’t know his body was able to create.

 He saw the instant regret in his former Padawan’s face, he caught Obi-Wan before his face could be burned off as well. Now he’s dedicated to creating the perfect prosthetic for his spouse, traveling and negotiating with other planets for their technology, stealing and killing if he has too.

 He hasn’t had to kill yet.

 His negotiation skills have improved immensely over the years. Obi-Wan is proud of him.

 Vader is holding a new leg, it’s flesh tone, not quite matching Obi-Wan’s skin, but it’s close.

 “How is this one any different?” Asks Obi-Wan.

 “You can wiggle your toes.” He says cheeky.

 “Is this upgrade really for me or for you?” Over the years he’s learned how much his husband likes to kiss his feet during sex.

 Vader ignores him, focusing his attention on lining up the ports just right. He connects a few wires, using his laser to check Obi-Wan’s nerves; Obi-Wan is grateful he no longer jumps when Vader does that.

 With a deep breath, he holds it as Vader shoves the ports together, finishing the connection and settling it in place.

 “How’s it feeling?”

 He notices right away, he’s able to feel his ankle twisting around. That’s new.

 Vader nods along as Obi-Wan tests his new abilities.

 The more he moves his leg, the more leg is exposed from his split robes. He puts his foot on Vader’s shoulder.

 He wiggles his toes under his husband’s ear.

 He grins. “Well I’ll be damn.”

 Vader reaches up, gliding his fingers along the underside of his husband’s thighs, to his knee and the back part of his leg.

 Obi-Wan is shocked he’s able to feel nerves in the leg portion. Vader wasn’t able to succeed in that regard before.

 His force sensitivity isn’t as strong as it used to be since having children, but he feels it tingling in the back of his mind, that something is coming. It doesn’t feel harmful, just–

 His husband takes a hold of his ankle, taking it off of his shoulder, resting it in his lap.

 “You look good.” Vader whispers. The dim light of the workshop illuminates an alluring shadow onto the dark features of his husband. Creating more depth in his yellow eyes.

 “I know.” He says, reaching forward to curl his finger around the loose strains framing Vader’s face.

 Back in his Jedi days, Obi-Wan had to be more modest about his attractive features, now as a family man, and being an obvious trophy husband despite his age, he sees no reason to hold back.

 He’s sometimes surprised that no gray hairs have made it onto his body yet, he wants to ask Vader about it, but if it is his doing, it’s not harmful enough to tell him to stop. The children he knew were Vader’s doing, he had no uterus before sleeping with his husband, and made it clear to remove it after Luke and Leia were born.

 “Darth Vader, sir.” A projection of their robotic nanny appears on the floor next to them.

 “Is something wrong?” Inquired Vader, rubbing his hand on the back of his lover’s foot. Upset that Obi-Wan stopped playing with his hair.

 “No, sir. Luke and Leia have gone to bed, but they are in you and Master Obi-Wan’s room.”

 “And?”

 “Would you like me to remove them? Place them where they belong?”

 Vader rolled his eyes. “The children are allowed. They may go where they please in our home.”

 “Thank you for clarifying. I am going to power down for the night.” It beeps something only Vader can understand.

 He nods. “Thank you.”

 The projection shuts off.

 “I have a meeting in the morning.” Vader says. His head is down as he wiggles the big toe on the prosthetic back and forth.

 “Do I need to be there?” He runs a tired hand through his short locs.

 Vader shrugs. “I would prefer it if you would.”

 Obi-Wan gives his husband a soft smile. “My husband desires my presence?”

 Vader looks up. “I desire you.”

 Obi-Wan tries to pull his foot back so he can hop into his husband’s lap, but Vader won’t release his grip. He raises an eyebrow in question.

 “I have another selfish desire, I ask of you my husband.”

 He readjust his hold, and brings his other hand to the bottom of his husband’s foot. Vader grins when the realization dawns on Obi-Wan.

 “No!”

 “Yes.”

 This foot is ticklish as well.

 __________________

 It’s two months later, where Father and Daughter are in bed together. One is sick, and trying to recover, while the other is taking the opportunity to ask every question imaginable.

 “Why can’t dogs lick their own butt? I always see them sniffing each other.” She has a face mask on, her body is relaxed next to her Father, with one arm holding her head up.

 A raspy voice. “I don’t know Leia, ask the dogs.”

 “But I have you.” She shakes her head as if it was obvious.

 His chest feels heavy as he talks. “I don’t think dogs’ tongues are long enough and the sniffing may be to bond.”

 “Should I sniff people then?”

 “Leia, no.”

 “You remember Stacy, the redhead liar, that said I stole her backpack? As if I would ever steal something so hideous.”

 Vader doesn’t. “Yes.”

 “So, so,  I caught her in another lie. She told me this guy named Boba liked me right. I call her a bold faced liar because I knew who Boba liked. She asked who it was and I told her as if I would ever tell a harlot that can’t even color inside the lines something worthwhile.”

 Damn, first grade is rough.

 “She cried.” Leia snaps her fingers.

 “Who does Boba like?” He feels invested now.

 “Oh, Luke.” She says nonchalantly.

 Huh. Then he sneezes. “Don’t tell Han.” Han and his crew cornered a boy last Valentine’s Day when he wanted to give Leia a bag of pink skittles.

 “Never Father, this is between us.” She drops her arm to curl it under the pillow that Obi-Wan uses most. Her brown locs fall over her face, she’s another one that doesn’t want Vader to cut his hair. She likes that they match. “So are you finally ready to tell me how we were really born?”

 “I shoved a noodle really far into your dad and it made pasta, which is you guys.”

 “Wait until my vocabulary reaches a level Y, you’ll truly fear my knowledge Old Man.”

     Bring it on, pasta sauce.  

     _______________________  

 “Hmm, what’s this?” Obi-Wan says, waltzing over to his husband hidden under the umbrella at the beach resort.

 Vader scoots over in his lounge chair, when Obi-Wan kneels one knee on the chair, his hand reaching out to the uneven braid on his shoulder.

 “Luke did it when Leia challenged his skills after she made a perfect braid in her doll’s hair.” The doll in question was lying in a basket next to him, while the children swam. He kept his force focused on the signatures of the children in case he had to pull them out of the water.

 “I like it.” He dropped his hair. Sliding his leg down, he turned around, sitting down next to his husband’s legs, but with his back to him.

 Vader ran his fingers along his husband’s back, it wasn’t often he got a chance to see his husband shirtless in public. Their location was made for high status people like them, anything with a camera was destroyed, so it was often recommended to leave it in your room or home.

 “Tired of swimming?” He murmurs.

 “I think you need to make me a prosthetic that is waterproof. Wasn’t able to go too deep in the water.”

 “I could have kept you afloat. I’m doing it for Luke right now.”

 “You already keep me afloat.” Obi-Wan whispers.

 Vader huffed a laugh before sitting up and resting his chin on Obi-Wan’s shoulder. His mechanical hand rests on his lover’s hip. They both watch their children play with each other and the other kids of the resort.

 “Ever think about having more?” Vader says after pressing a kiss to his beloved’s shoulder.

 “No. I don’t think I have it in me to think up any more names. Tapped out.”

 “You’re right, every child in our kid’s class has the same name.”

 “If you came to the parent-teacher conferences, you’d know.” Not able to keep a straight face any longer, he laughs.

 Vader rides the wave of his husband’s laughter, letting his chin bounce with each giggle or snort.

 “I think Padme or Ahsoka would be nice names.” He said. “Ya know, if it’s a girl.”

 “Leia would find a way to murder her in the womb, if she finds her spot in danger.” Obi-Wan rests his hand on top of Vader’s.

 “You’re right.” Vader replies with melancholy in his voice.

 “I miss them too.”  Vader almost wants to laugh, he sometimes forgets how attuned they are to each other.

 Vader stays silent.

 Obi-Wan knows that if Vader wanted him to have another child, he would. It’s a lot of work, a lot of work, but Vader’s happiness matters most to him, and vice versa. No child they create would ever make them as happy as they make each other. Children will leave, and then they will be alone again, sometimes he wonders if Vader is scared that Obi-Wan is only staying for the kids and once none are left, he has no reason to continue this charade.

 There is no charade.

 “Hey.” Obi-Wan says.

 “Hmm.”

 He looks over his shoulder at Vader. “How do you think I’d look with yellow eyes?”

 “Like you wouldn’t belong.” He replies quickly

 Vader looks into his eyes. “Belong?” Obi-Wan says slowly.

 Obi-Wan backs up a bit, which makes Vader straighten up. “You belong with us, with your natural eyes. If you turn them yellow, you won't.” Vader grabs his hand and squeezes it, trying to emphasize what he means.

 Obi-Wan frowns. He gets it.

 Shifting his eyes down, he nods.

 Vader refuses his husband’s scheme to look away, so he grips his chin. “What makes you, you, I need that.” Vader says. “You can’t go far without me. I won’t allow it.”

 That makes something settle in Obi-Wan.

 He feels the force untangle within him.

 The moment it unwinds, he feels Han in the force and with a powerful pull that he hasn’t used in years, he yanks him out of the water and onto the sand.

 They watch as their son is on all fours, coughing all of the water he had swallowed. Once he’s done, he points over at his parents.

 “It was you!”

[cacoetheswriting]

champagne problems, ch.1

Spencer is in love with you, but you’re engaged to someone else. 

Chapter One: Bloodsport: You announce your engagement to the team, shattering Spencer's heart. A/N: chapter is titled after this song if you want to listen while reading. Word Count: 2.3k Warnings: mild cursing, heartbreak, unrequited / unreciprocated love, very angsty, this series is going to be a real slow burn babyyy

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-

Today was like any other day.

You woke up at your usual time to the sound of your alarm. You had coffee, and a quick bite to eat while aimlessly scrolling through the social media apps on your phone. You showered, brushed your teeth, got dressed, did your makeup. And when it was time to leave, you walked out the front door locking it behind you, hopped in your car, and drove to work. 

Today was like any other day. Except that it wasn’t. 

Today wasn't like any other day because while you carried out all of your menial morning tasks, you felt a little heavier. Rather your hand did. 

It was your birthday a couple of days ago. And while you had planned to spend with your boyfriend, Ethan, the universe had other plans and you were stuck out of town on a case. You weren’t mad about it, it was your job after all, and Ethan understood. His work hours were also unreliable.  

Plus you got to celebrate with the other people that mattered the most to you in world; your team. It may have not been they day you had envisioned, because who wants to spend their birthday at a gloomy prescient looking over gruesome crime scene photos, but your team made it special. Takeout, gallons of coffee, and shortly before midnight they surprised you with cake - which Luke slipped up was all Spencer’s idea. 

Little did you know the surprises would continue upon your return home. Ethan, down on one knee in the middle of your living room, surrounded by candles and about a dozen bouquets of roses.  

You took a deep breath before getting out of your car, and heading inside the building. Knowing your sudden engagement would come as a shock to the people you worked with, your second family, you were quite anxious about telling them. You were worried about how they would react. They didn't really know Ethan. They only met him a total of three times throughout the duration of your relationship meaning all the information they possessed was what you had told them - which in reality wasn’t all that much.  

Sitting down at your desk, you kept your hand on your lap. As usual you were the first to arrive meaning you had some time to figure out exactly how you were going to go about this. Your gut feeling was to tell Spencer first. You owed him at least that much giving everything the two of you had been through. 

But once again the universe had other plans. 

“Good morning sunshine!”, Garcia chimed as she crossed the bullpen. “It is so lovely to see your beautiful beautiful face. How was Scottsdale?” She asked stopping beside your desk. “You know, apart from all the murder.” 

“Uhm, it was-” 

“Wait! Before you answer me.” She interrupted while reaching into her handbag. “I wanted to give you this.” Seconds later she retrieved a gift, wrapped perfectly in glittery pink paper with a bright bow tied around it. “Happy Birthday!” 

“Penelope, you didn't have to.” 

“Shush now, of course I did.” She smiled. “Come on. Take it, take it.” 

Which is exactly what you did; completely forgetting about the two carat diamond that now graced your ring finger. 

The shriek that came out of Garcia’s mouth was enough to make you remember. But before you could snatch your hand back, hide it on your lap once again, she grabbed it and the ever so present smile on her face widened even more. 

“Oh my god! Oh my god!”, Garcia was jumping now, her hand still gripping yours as she examined the ring. “When did this happen? How did this happen? Oh I have so many questions!” Another excited shriek escaped her lips. “I’m going to hug you now, and then you’re going to tell me everything!” 

Garcia let your hand fall before bending down slightly to wrap her arms tightly around you. “Congratulations honey, this is so exciting!” She swayed the two of you side to side.

“What’s exciting?” Luke’s voice caused the two of you to break apart. 

“Well newbie, you should invest in a tux.” Penelope beamed. 

“I have a tux.” Luke furrowed his brows, slightly confused. “Wait, what?” He glanced between you and Garcia, waiting for an explanation. 

Taking in a quick breath, you got to your feet and lifted your hand to show him the ring. “Ethan proposed last night.”

Luke’s jaw fell open. “Holy smokes! Congratulations Y/N!” Dropping his bag to the floor, he pulled you into a quick embrace. “That’s huge news. I’m so happy for you.” 

Penelope cleared her throat. “I think you mean we are all happy for her.” Luke chuckled and rolled his eyes at the blonde. “Yes, yes.” 

One by one the team arrived. One by one you shared your news, and one by one they each congratulated you. 

Matt joked about giving him a hefty amount of notice so he could organise a babysitter. Luke asked how you’d feel if his date was Roxy. Dave offered his house as a possible venue; ”Won’t be the first wedding I host kid.”. While Tara, JJ, Emily, and Garcia were deep in discussion about organising your bridal shower.

In the midst of all the chaos you hadn't even realised that one person was missing. The person who’s reaction might not be as cheery as the rest of the group currently huddled around you.

Spencer was late for work. He cursed under his breath while waiting for the elevator. He didn't like to be late. Which is why it didn't happen often. Not because time-keeping overall was important to him. No. He made sure to arrive early each day because it was the only time of day he got to spend with you. Alone. 

It was the only time of day he had you all to himself.

As selfish as it may seem, it was the truth. Although he would never admit it to anyone because that would mean admitting his true feelings. And he couldn't do that. He had his chance. He blew it. Maybe he would get another in the future, he secretly hoped he would, but for now those interrupted mornings with you had to suffice. 

The brunette agent immediately noticed the team gathered at your desk. He thought the worst, but was quickly reassured you were okay when your honey-like laughter filled the bullpen. The sound was music to his ears. If he could, he’d listen to you laugh all day.

“So are you going to keep us guessing forever?” Tara asked intrigued. “How did Ethan do it?” 

Garcia clapped her hands. “Yes, tell us. Was it romantic? Oh, who am I kidding of course it was romantic. All proposals are.” 

Proposals? Spencer shook the thought away. No, he must have heard that incorrectly.

“Did he get down on one knee?” JJ asked with a smile. 

“I gotta give it to Ethan though cause that ring looks expensive. Being a surgeon must be nice.” Luke noted, causing Garcia to smack his bicep. “What?” He retorted shrugging his shoulders. “It’s just an observation.” “Keep your observations to yourself newbie.” 

“Why don’t we let Y/N breathe for a second?” Rossi chimed in. “I’ll treat everyone to lunch later and she can tell us the story then.” He suggested, glancing between the team. Everyone nodded in unison and scattered; just as Spencer approached. 

The second your gaze landed on him, you noticed the solemn look spread across his face. A sick feeling spread through you and you quickly wondered just how much he overheard. 

“Good morning doctor.” You greeted him, your lips pursed into a half-smile. 

“Good morning.” Spencer replied without looking at you. 

“How are you?” You asked as he took off his bag and placed it on the desk beside him. “I wondered where you were this morning.” You added, making conversation.

Spencer didn't respond. He couldn't bring himself to say anything. He couldn't even bare to meet your eyes; which were currently burning a hole into the side of his head. 

While he thought he misheard Garcia say something about proposals, he definitely heard JJ’s question and Luke mention Ethan, and the ring. Spencer usually stirred away from making assumptions, but this time all the evidence was there. He didn't have to ask. He knew. You were engaged. 

“Can-” You cleared your throat. “Can we go somewhere private and talk? I have something I need to tell you.”

“I can’t now.” He rasped. Before you got a chance to protest, the brunette doctor turned on his heel and rushed away. 

The reason he dashed away was you. Your engagement. He figured it out, overheard it, and now he needed to process this new information. You should have let him go, do it alone. You knew you shouldn't have followed him, that it would only make things worse, but you couldn't help yourself. There was a time where you thought Spencer was the love of your life. That the two of you would be getting married. And even though that didn't work out...

You grabbed his arm and using all of your strength you pulled him to a halt. The brunette doctor ran a hand through his already ruffled hair as you stepped in front of him. 

“Spencer, can we talk about this?” You asked, your hand falling back down to your side. “There is nothing to talk about Y/N.” Spencer huffed. “You’re engaged. I’m happy for you.” There was a distinct hurt in his voice. 

“This isn’t how I thought you would find out. I wanted you to be the first one to know but-” “It doesn’t matter Y/N.” He interrupted. 

“It matters to me Spencer.” 

“Why?” He asked in an ominous tone. His eyes darkened. “We broke up a long time ago. You don't owe me anything.” “Our breakup has nothing to do with this.” You protested. Spencer scoffed. “I don’t believe you. You’re not chasing down any of the other members of our team.” “Yeah, because they’re all genuinely happy for me.”

“You don't think I’m happy for you?”

“I know you're not.” 

Silence. Heavy-sitting, unbearable silence. The two of you simply stared at each other as if fighting an inaudible argument. Blood pressure rising, your heart was now hammering in your chest and you were sure he was even angrier than you.

Perhaps that last sentence came out harsher then you intended it to, but in your eyes it was the truth. Spencer had every right not to be happy for you. In fact, a large part of you expected him to react badly which is also another reason why you wanted him to be the first to know. 

You were right of course, you just didn't know it. 

The pain in his chest was insufferable. The jealousy, the anger, the sorrow. All of those feelings mixed inside of him and spread through his body like wildfire. He thought he was heartbroken before, back when you first started dating Ethan, but he was dead wrong. His head was spinning. He felt nauseous. It was hard to breathe. This was heartbreak.

See, Spencer was there when you and Ethan first met. Which in his mind made all of this so much worse. The team was working a local case, and the brunette agent got hurt. Not severely, but it was enough to make everyone worry so you volunteered to drive him to the hospital. While Spencer got checked out, you went to fetch him some jell-o. When you returned about twenty minutes later, you weren't alone anymore. 

You never told anyone the full story. Just that the surgeon spotted you in the cafeteria, and asked you out for coffee. Honestly, there wasn't much more to it than that. Well, apart from the tiny detail that your initial thought was to decline Ethan’s offer because you were secretly hoping to get back together with the brunette agent. 

The only reason you said yes to Ethan all those months ago was because he was a surgeon, and with both of your hectic schedules combined you never thought it would progress any further than that one coffee date. But it did. And overtime you moved on from Spencer, and learned to love the surgeon. The feeling isn't quite the same, but Ethan makes you feel good and at the end of the day that’s all that matters. Right?

“What do you want me to say Y/N?” Spencer asked, finally breaking the uncomfortable silence. “Do you want to hear how I think you’re rushing into this? Do you want me to tell you I think Ethan is bad for you? That you can do better?” Pause. “It’s not like my opinion will change anything.” 

You opened your mouth to say something but no words came out. Spencer sighed. “You’re engaged now. You’re going to marry Ethan, and I’m respecting your choice.” 

The look that spread across Spencer’s face was pure sadness. He tried not to show it, but you could read him like an open book. He was in pain. He was in pain and there was nothing you could possibly do that would in any way help him or make him feel any better.

“We both moved on Y/N. You deserve to be happy, even if I think the guy is a jerk.” Spencer stated. It was harsh, he knew that, but in his defence it wasn't entirely true. Yes, he thought Ethan was an ass but it was primarily because Spencer loved you still, and he knew he would continue to love you until the end of his days. In his eyes, Ethan didn't deserve you.

And Spencer tried to get over you. Once he knew that you and Ethan were serious, he really tried to get over you. Yet nothing he did worked; it is as if you are imbedded deep in his soul. If he was a selfish man, he would let you stay there forever making it your permanent home. But Spencer Reid wasn't selfish, far from it. And now you were engaged to someone that wasn't him. He had to cut the cord. Even if the feeling was going to crush him. 

“The only thing we share now is our work Y/N, nothing more.” And with that the brunette doctor walked away leaving you feeling lost, confused and slightly hurt. 

You at least thought he considered you a friend.

Loving you is a bloodsport. Fighting in a love war.

-

A/N: starting off the new year right with this angsty mini-series. honestly, i couldn't get the idea out of my head over the holidays so i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i am currently enjoying writing it! hope you liked the first chapter. i’d love to hear your feedback and what you think will happen next! if you would like to be added to a taglist, please let me know. thank you for your continuous support. with love, mal. x

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[bordeleaubeau]

idk you yet - luke hughes (part one)

wc: 2830

warnings: probably a few curses, i honestly can’t really remember:)

inspired by idk you yet by alexander 23.

---

how can you miss someone you’ve never met?

the words forming on luke’s arm startle him at first. there’s a tingling tickle-like feeling as each letter appears, but luke can barely believe his eyes. he was just about to turn seventeen and until that moment he had no sign of his soulmate whatsoever. but now? now he had proof on his arm that his soulmate was out there somewhere. that meant the boys could finally stop teasing him in the locker room about possibly not having a soulmate. 

it felt like everyone around luke knew their soulmate was out there. it was such a rare possibility that someone didn’t have a soulmate - if their soulmate passed away, chances are they would too due to the pain from the loss. and, well, luke hadn’t died yet, so that was his only hope of his soulmate being out there.

the initial shock is soon replaced by pure adrenaline. luke can barely pay attention to what ever mrs. clemmens is writing on the board; all he can focus on is writing back to his soulmate. whoever she might be. 

i don’t know you yet, but i need you. do you know how long i’ve waited to hear from you?

you’re smiling down at your arm - it was always a game whenever you’d finally be able to contact your soulmate. some were able to as soon as their fifteenth birthday, some couldn’t until their eighteenth. and well, if you hadn’t contacted them by then, there was some bad news to be delivered. but it was all a waiting game. the day you were able to contact them was supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life, but there was only one catch: your soulmate could be thousands of miles from you.

and what about me with you?

“mr. hughes!” 

luke’s attention snaps to the front of the classroom, where the middle aged woman now has her hands on her hips staring at one of her best pupils. luke’s eyes are wide, the color draining from his face as each head of his classmates turn to look at him.

“care to share what’s gotten you so smiley, luke? or will you pay attention to my lesson for at least three seconds?” luke sputters for a few seconds, causing the woman’s eyebrows to spike up in question. “out with it.”

“i’ll, i’ll pay attention, mrs. clemmens.” the brunette finally manages to get out, sinking back in his seat. the color returns to his face, but this time it’s the same shade of red as the apple on mrs. clemmen’s desk. he didn’t want to leave her hanging, but he wasn’t going to risk getting in trouble again. he wasn’t going to out himself for finally finding his soulmate - and being one of the last in his grade to do so.

luke feels his phone vibrate in his sweatshirt pocket, and upon just the right moment he pulls his phone out to see tyler had messaged him.

tyler b: were you finally able to talk to her? 

luke isn’t able to respond to tyler in fear that mrs. clemmens will have a few words for him, and surely enough he didn’t need to get into any more trouble with one of his teachers. one more write up and he was going to be benched for an entire month. so against his better judgement, he sticks his hands in his pockets and pays attention to the lesson going on. all while trying to ignore the tickle feeling on his hand.

“i can’t believe you were finally able to talk to him!” mal gushes, her eyes glued to your arm that had a mix of jet black and purple ink scrawled on it. there was game @7 written on your hand in purple ink, along with a star next to it. “how do you think tyler is going to react?” 

your heart nearly drops in your chest. tyler. your boyfriend - of almost a year, in fact. in the midst of it all you seemed to of forgotten about him, your mind elsewhere, and it was on your soulmate. your soulmate that wasn’t him. 

“i have to tell him, don’t i?” you look up at your best friend, eyes glossier than they had been seconds before. “mal, i dunno, i dunno if i can do that. tyler is- he’s so sweet. he’s gonna be crushed.”

“who’s gonna be crushed?” 

speak of the devil. 

tyler drops his bag on the floor, sitting down in the seat next to you like he always did in english class. mal notices the slight tension, turning back to face forward in her seat as she waits for class to begin. you take a quick breath, turning to your boyfriend, you grasp both of his hands in yours. “ty, i have to tell you something.”

tyler’s eyes glance down to your wrist, and only the slightest bit is showing from the sleeves of your sweater riding up, but he sees it. the black ink. “anything, y/n.” he clears his throat, pretending like he hadn’t seen anything at all.

“you’re not my soulmate.”

“i know.”

your eyes widen ever so slightly, and you watch as tyler slides up the sleeve of his hoodie. there are a few little sentences scrawled on his skin, ones that were clearly not on yours. you can’t quite find the words to say. your mouth opens and closes a few times before finally, you’re stumped, and you sit back in your seat with your eyebrows furrowed. you let go of his hands, your own falling into your lap. 

“how long?” you finally manage to muster out, meeting his regretful eyes. he had reassured you multiple times that he hadn’t heard from his soulmate yet, but you should’ve gone against your better judgement when he was suddenly wearing long sleeves all the time. and it wasn't just for the winter, you now realized. 

“about, about three months.” he notices the look on your face, and just like moments before he takes your hands in his. “y/n, just because you aren’t my soulmate doesn’t mean i never loved you. i still do love you. i just-”

“it’s okay, i get it.” you cut him off, pulling your hands away from his. “it’s okay, ty. i just wish you would have told me sooner, that’s all.” your voice trails off to a whisper. tyler grabs your hand once more, and he presses a kiss to the back of it. 

“friends?” he asks, and when you nod your head, he presses another kiss to your skin before releasing his hold on your hand. you have to swallow the lump that’s forming in your throat. of course you were upset - you had every reason to be. but you weren’t expecting to be this upset, and you also weren’t expecting tyler to say he already knew the two of you weren’t soulmates.

the english period seems to drag on and on, and after what feels like two hours the bell rings. “walk with me to lunch?” you hear the brunette next to you speak, and you find yourself nodding. “y/n/n, please, talk to me. i hate when you’re mad a me.”

“i’m not mad at you, ty. i promise you that. i just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.” tyler gives you a tight lipped smile, and before the two of you can start to walk to the cafeteria, tyler pulls his hoodie off, revealing his inked arm. it’s a pang to the heart, but you know that you’ll get over it eventually. “what’s she like?” you ask quietly, the two of you starting the few minute trek across the school.

“she’s, she’s really nice. she’s pretty, too. i follow her on instagram, actually. her name is gabby.” tyler glances over at you a few times as he speaks, and you can only find yourself to be nodding along to his words. “i know she’s my soulmate and all, y/n, but she isn’t you.”

you stop in your tracks, causing tyler to turn around to look at you. “don’t. don’t say that. she’s your soulmate, and i’m not, for a reason, tyler boucher. don’t say that about her. i’m sure she’s lovely, and she’s everything that i can’t be for you.”

“i’m sorry i just-” tyler cuts himself off with a sigh, going to reach for your hand but he stops halfway. “i wanted it to be you. i thought it was you. and then one day, i had writing on my wrist, and i looked at yours and it wasn’t there. i know that’s supposed to be one of the happiest days of our life, but it was one of the worst for me. because i wanted it to be you, y/n. so bad.”

to say the least, the two of you were pretty much the ‘it’ couple. your entire friend group adored you both, and you were the first girl that the boys allowed over when they all hung out - but only occasionally. it was never an all the time thing, which you understood. but still, you and tyler had been through a lot together for not even being together a year. 

“it all happens for a reason,” you say, tears welling up in your eyes as your feet start moving again, and tyler is following after you, quickly matching your pace. “i just, i don’t know, tyler. there’s not much we can do about it and that’s fine.”

“you’re right.” the brunette mumbles, head hanging in despair as you walked down the steps to go into the cafeteria. the rest of the walk between the two of you is silent, but a comfortable one.

the lunch table you, tyler, all of the boys, mal, and a few other girls came into view. and as soon as they realized tyler wasn’t wearing his sweatshirt and his arms were fully exposed, along with the pen ink and the looks on your faces, they all knew. they knew that you finally knew.

the conversations going on didn’t completely stop, but they quieted down for a few brief moments when you and tyler took your usual seats. you try to avoid the eyes of your friends, but it’s nearly impossible. your eyes catch luke’s, and he’s giving you the puppy dog eyes from the other side of the table.

“are you okay?” he asks quietly, and all you can do is shake your head ever so slightly. “oh, y/n.”

luke wants to reach across the table and grab your hands, but he wants to save himself from the teasing he’s sure he would get from the boys if they saw the girly handwriting on the back of his hand. “i’ll be alright, lu. promise.” you give him a reassuring smile, but of course he doesn’t believe it. not in the slightest.

“are you still gonna come to our game tonight?” tyler asks quietly from your right side, and when you turn to look at him he’s already looking down at you. if this was yesterday, you would’ve leaned up the three inches and kissed him.

“of course i’m gonna.” you say, eyes glancing down to his lips but you quickly turn away to look down at your hands. “there’s no where else i’d rather be, ty. besides, luke is still my best friend and i still have to support him.”

luke sends you a smile from across the table, one that makes you smile right back at him. for majority of the lunch period, everyone leaves you alone to wallow in your own sadness. even luke couldn’t cheer you up, and that was something. you know you shouldn’t be this upset - this happened to like, every couple that dated before finding their soulmate. but for some reason you thought you and tyler were the exception. 

another period drags on, and after what feels like forever you find yourself getting up from your designated lunch spot. luke stands, waiting for you to walk to the other side of the table so the two of you can go to art class together. “see you boys tonight,” you call over your shoulder, tearing your eyes away from tyler, and walking away hearing the boys responding saying they’ll see you later that night. 

“rant. cry. do whatever you have to do.” luke says, glancing over at his best friend that looks like she could burst into tears at any moment. luke had been waiting all day to tell you that he had finally heard from his soulmate - but as soon as he saw the look on your face he held back. he didn’t want to rub it in when you had just found out about tyler. the biggest secret he had ever kept from you.

“i just,” you purse your lips, eyes locked straight forward to avoid looking at him. “i just wish he would’ve told me. the last few months of our relationship feel like a complete lie.”

“y/n, tyler absolutely adored you. he still adores you. he never even stopped. and i can tell you for a fact that he still loves you. he’s always talking about you - he was talking about you when we were in second period today!” luke exclaims, and finally you look over at him. “i can promise you, y/n, it was not a lie, it never was.”

you can only shake your head, bottom lip between your teeth as the tears well up in your eyes. “it was supposed to be him, lu. ty and i have talked about our entire future together because we swore we were gonna end up being soulmates.”

“maybe you are soulmates,” luke says, holding open the door of the art room for you. “it’s just, not in the way you’d prefer. ty and you are soulmates, but just not romantically. do you get what i’m saying?”

“i guess.” you sigh, luke following into the classroom after you walk in. his heart yearns for you - he wants to lift up his sleeve and show you the purple ink, but he can’t bring himself to do that. 

later that night you find yourself getting ready for tyler and luke’s game, trying to decide between the 13 or the 6 jersey - jerseys the two boys had fought numerous times over which one you would wear. once tyler found out luke had given you one of his old jerseys he had outgrown, he was immediately giving you one of his as well. that was even before you and tyler were dating - he always had the biggest crush on you.

which was why he was sitting in his stall, head in his hands wondering where he had went wrong.

“ty, buddy, what’s going on?” dylan asks, noticing the brunette that has his head hung. immediately, tyler lifts his head and dylan’s eyes widen. “you look like shit, dude.”

“i feel like shit,” tyler grumbles, slowly moving to tie the laces of his skates that he always saved until the very end of gearing up. he catches a glimpse of the ink on his arm and he grimaces, wishing he could just wiped away at his skin and everything would disappear. that everything would be okay.

luke catches the eyes of his best friend and he frowns seeing the hurt in his eyes. “are you still upset about y/n?” he asks cautiously, fingers working at his laces, eyes barely glancing back up to tyler.

“yeah, i am actually. i know i don’t really have a right to be upset and all, but it still feels wrong. we went through a lot together, it just doesn’t feel real that we aren’t really soulmates. that the .  girl i was practically in love with since i got here isn’t my soulmate.” tyler shakes his head as he spills his feelings for the day out. he couldn’t wait until he got to step onto the ice and forget about the day’s events.

until he saw you sitting in your normal seat, and instead of the number 13 jersey, you were wearing the one with the 6, and the seven letter last name on the back was now one letter shorter. 

“oh fuck me,” tyler grumbles, and you’d be lying if you said your heart strings didn’t tug seeing him step out onto the ice. if the two of you had only been dating for two months rather than almost a year, maybe you would’ve felt different about the situation. but that was tyler. your tyler. or rather, gabby’s tyler now.

“y/n?” bella asks from besides you, trying to tear your sad eyes away from the brunette. when you finally do and look over at one of your best friends, she sees your teary eyes and her face softens. “oh, y/n/n. you’re taking this hard, aren’t you?”

“i don’t want my soulmate if it isn’t tyler.”

[the-ghost-king]

love seeing ur tags on my posts it means i get to think 🥰🥰 anyway mostly agree but at least to me nico’s constant need to prove himself is a sign of feeling like he’s not worth other people’s time and effort and he has to MAKE himself worth it. he does all he can in the hopes that people will notice him and tell him that he’s good enough because he relies on the approval of people he loves. he thinks love is something conditional for him and that he always has to be earning it because he doesn’t have enough worth to have it just granted to him. again this is more my own interpretation of his character and possibly a bit of projection

(Post)

I will not fail to acknowledge that I might also be projecting somewhat onto Nico, what is media but self reflection? I think there's a couple ways you can see Nico that are canonically "correct"

What I personally think happened with Nico is that he was aware he was worth more than the treatment he was receiving, but because so much rejection occurred he eventually just assumed he was the problem. There's things on this I would rewrite now but it holds up okay in what I'm about to try and explain.

The thing about being rejected is that the first time you argue it's the other person. And the second time you'll argue it's still them. If you're still arguing it's other people the third time, maybe but it's thin ice... But eventually you just have to accept that you're at fault.

I think this is something that really describes Nico. He is never able to nestle himself in the comfort of sameness after a certain point. He is not given authority in his own story in the beginning, he is thrust into solitude, he is told he is a monster already and if not then he has no choice but to become one.

And he takes this blame upon himself, believing that it's him who has to prove himself. He doesn't acknowledge that maybe other people have their own biases against him, he says "I have to prove them wrong," and then does his best.

It's important to note that Nico is definitely grappling with Childhood Emotional Neglect, he's in a broken situation- and he recognizes that nobody wants him around, and that he's just more stress for an already stressed group of people, so he just backs down and starts to figure stuff out for himself. We see him accept some help and friendship from The Stolls in TTC but eventually he stops doing this at some point.

His leave from camp and time with Minos is when he is used:

you unknowingly wear your heart on your sleeve and people will see this and take advantage of your trusting nature and unconditional love and they’ll never really love you they’ll just see you as an easy tool to be manipulated and used how they see fit and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing because you don’t believe you’re worth anything more than this

This is something I would say is very true about this time period of Nico's life. Minos emotionally exploits Nico, emotional neglect and abuse (possibly physical abuse, who knows) are defining characteristics of their interactions. Nico talks about how Minos will just randomly leave him for extremely long periods with no assistance, and about how when he's around he's always telling Nico to try harder, to do better, do more. Note the time he tells Nico "you have no power over me", he's definitely holding things over Nico's head. I don't think it's wrong to assume comfort is a part of that, Nico is alone all the time at this point, and I'm sure he's starved for touch, and support, and connection- and he will take whatever he can get whether or not it is good or right.

At first he doesn't do anything against this, and it might be because he was so starved for attention that he was willing to endure abuse to receive somewhat a consistent form of it. I also think there's some evidence that points to the idea Nico was getting something from Minos, training and similar stuff, it's possible he was willing to form and upkeep a toxic relationship with him in order to gain experience.

However, I do disagree with "and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing because you don’t believe you’re worth anything more than this" because Nico does realize eventually that his situation isn't sustainable and that he has to do something- so he takes his narrative back into his own hands:

“Minos laughed. "You have no power over me. I am the god of spirits! The ghost king!" "No." Nico drew his sword. "I am.” (X)

So Nico, if he ever thought he was worth the treatment of being used for someone elses personal gain, he definitely overcomes some of it here, if not all of it. Nico is manipulated and used for Minos's personal gain, but he recognizes that it's not sustainable and makes a stand for himself. And this is the first time in the series where Nico truly is able to take control of his own narrative, everything before this moment is Nico being forced, or Nico with something looming over him, Nico crowning himself is him claiming his story.

So let's consider Hades in all of this, I don't think Hades manipulated Nico to the extent Minos did- but nonetheless, he did manipulate and abuse him, and this hurt Nico more than when Minos did it. Again, in the situation with Hades this is also true, "you unknowingly wear your heart on your sleeve and people will see this and take advantage of your trusting nature and unconditional love and they’ll never really love you they’ll just see you as an easy tool to be manipulated and used how they see fit and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing". By the time Nico and Hades truly start interacting, we see that Nico's heart hasn't been fully removed from his sleeve, but it may have been lightened.

Here's the thing about the way Nico approached Hades, it's not naïve to trust family. The text in multiple places implies that Hades was around for at least a handful of years when Nico was a kid, it's not unlikely that Nico may have taken naps on his shoulder, held his hand to cross the street, maybe called him "Papa", "Dad", or "Tata" (Italian, English, old Greek). It makes sense that Nico goes to him, what doesn't make sense to Nico at first is that Hades would manipulate him. Unlike many of the other demigods, Nico knows he was a choice, and that at some point he was something wanted, so he expects some level of okay treatment from Hades. Hades loved his mother, and Hades if not wanting of Nico would have wanted Maria's wishes fulfilled, and Nico probably remembers Hades treating him warmly- or at least not harshly. The way Nico went to Hades makes sense, he wasn't expecting open arms surely, but he also wasn't expecting abuse.

Hades emotionally exploits Nico by using information about Maria, what would a little boy want more than the safety of his mother? He's so starved for human contact, who ever held him more than his mother? Who ever loved him more than her? Once Nico delivers Percy to Hades, his father crushes him, not only by harming Percy but by exploiting Nico's trust through Nico's mother- one of the things he's most desperate for.

We see Nico's heart come off his sleeve at this point, maybe not fully, but enough to where a stranger couldn't recognize it at first glance, and in a way where he has the means to hide it from most.

Except we don't see much of this, because the series is narrated by Percy- and Nico can't hide his heart from Percy.

Almost everything Nico does, everything he tries to do, is for Percy. Nico is so desperate for contact that he is pliant, but in Percy's hands Nico actually wants that contact, he's not interested in imitations of love or substitutes- he's looking for the real thing.

And Mr. Oblivious does-Annabeth-like-me Jackson isn't in any headspace to realize that a boy might like him, let alone Nico. This concern that Nico will join Luke, isn't entirely because Percy is misreading signals, but it's definitely part of it. Nico likes Percy so much that at one point he is willing to go to Tartarus if not entirely for him, then partially for him.

If Percy had realized, and rejected Nico- maybe he would have joined Luke, or at least he definitely would have been more likely to. The perception of Nico we get in PJO from Percy is unreliable, because Percy looks at Nico through the lenses of a concerned older brother, and Percy feels guilty in some way for the situation Nico is in. This gives not only a skewed, but slightly falsified narrative of who Nico is.

The original post of mine I linked, although yes, I would like to rewrite aspects of it now it holds up in the sense that Nico is always trying to prove himself, and this is a bit different than being a puppet. Nico is so starved that it is present in everything, @/arabnico gets it right:

nico’s longing is just so raw it consumes him whole and he cannot hide it at all because it reflects in absolutely everything he does and is nico’s just the means of the way for them and he settles for being it because he doesn’t think he can be much better or even deserves to it is sometting so twisted because nico has this innate utalitarian desire to be useful and to do something and to do the right thing but in the game of things he’s reduced to that puppet in the hands of fate and deities millennia older than him that see a wounded wandering soul doomed to be forever alone by a destiny so cruel it keeps him on his knees

Nico, in PJO especially, has little control over his own narrative. His mother is killed in punishment for his father's "wrongs", Nico is forced to endure this. Bianca grows tired of caring for Nico and leaves him behind, this is not Nico's fault but Nico is forced to endure the consequences of her actions. Bianca's fate is decided on a quest Nico isn't even able to go on, he is forced to endure the results. Nico then breaks the cycle, declaring himself The Ghost King, and dethroning Minos. Nico is forced to endure Hades's manipulation only because he did not see it coming, this wasn't an aspect in which Nico didn't have his narrative (he had already taken ownership of his narrative) but a blind spot in his rational.

The place where we vary is why Nico behaves this way, we can agree that it's because he's starving for human connection- but you believe it's because he has no confidence he is willing to submit himself, while I see his submission as an act of desperation.

Personally, I think to argue that Nico is like this as a result of lack of confidence does a disservice to his narrative (obviously it's fine to view him however you wish, and I wish you all the fun in doing so!). To boil this down to starvation and lack of confidence removes some level of Nico's autonomy in his own life, but also strips him of one of his strongest characteristics- those qualities of him which are like Orpheus.

Nico willing to go to the ends of the earth for love is not a weakness but a strength, his ability to carry on beyond the point in which he needs a rest is not a weakness but a sign of strength. His ability to go to the ends of the earth to right wrongs, and to show his love:

"... Cupid struck, slapping Nico sideways into a granite pedestal. Love is no game! It is no flowery softness! It is hard work- a quest that never ends. It demands everything from you- especially the truth. Only then does it yield rewards."

Cupid is explaining Nico's idea of love in this scene, we see Jason say he prefers Piper's idea of love- but Nico only knows love in the way cupid describes, working desperately for a few moments with Bianca, working just to hear any scrap of information about his mother, always trying to prove himself to Percy- to overcome the way he feels about Percy (and boys in general).

Nico has only known love as something you walk to the ends of the Earth for, but he never stops fighting to be loved and acknowledged. Lesser men would give up and lay down, accept they are unworthy, but Nico keeps pushing to be acknowledged and accepted- to be recognized and loved without having to walk to the end of the Earth, but Nico knows he has to walk to that edge and face it before unconditional love will come to him.

To imply that Nico seeks love the way he does because he's unconfident in his ability to receive love ignores the idea that he's had his life forced into this position because of the fates. It loses acknowledgment to the strength it takes to pick yourself up and walk to the end of the Earth time and time again, because if he was unconfident then he would eventually lay down and accept he shouldn't be loved ever again.

I don't think confidence doesn't play into this at all though, it definitely has some impact on Nico, he does view himself as inherently less (he is overly self sacrificial- think Tartarus :/), and he does try to remove himself from others:

You yourself said: you blame yourself for the way people have hurt you, taken advantage of you, and abandoned you. they exploit your love and your naïveté time and time again. you tell yourself, surely, there must be something wrong with you. because—you are convinced—that people are good. “if they hurt me, it is because i am flawed. it is because i am weak. people will always hurt me—even people i love. it’s an inevitable truth for me.” (X)

And this connects to what I said: "The thing about being rejected is that the first time you argue it's the other person. And the second time you'll argue it's still them. If you're still arguing it's other people the third time, maybe but it's thin ice... But eventually you just have to accept that you're at fault."

I do think there's a reason Nico makes himself so "utilitarian", because he hasn't been handed unconditional love since Bianca. But again we disagree on the why, I see Nico's behavior in his utilitarian example of love as caring, the way more people should be in love. Too many people see love as something given without restraint, and yeah, love should be unconditional but in order for love to be unconditional you have to do the work to lay good foundation. To be utilitarian in loving is not an act of weakness, or a symbol of lack of confidence, it is a showcase of more care in love than most have to offer. We care for things, and place value on them determined by how much love and care goes into those things.

I also don't see Nico's self blaming for what happened as flawed, it's logical in his situation, and a common result of CEN. This self blame shows care and kindness, and this coincides with Nico's arcs, "If I am bad, how do I improve? If I have no choice but to be evil, how do I still be good?". Nico is always fighting not to be recognized for good or bad, but to be recognized for what he is.

Trust is not naivety either, the only reason Nico is regarded as naïve is because of the extreme circumstances of his life. People shouldn't have to expect abuse from people who are supposed to love them, people should have to accept abuse in order to receive love. If Nico's life had turned out different, his naivety wouldn't be viewed as a weakness but a strength- a kindness.

We're not actually viewing Nico all that different, there's this space where his character blurs together, and it becomes an individual duty to determine at what point a flaw becomes a strength, and a strength a flaw. Nico's stubbornness is a flaw if we're thinking about grudges, but it's a strength in his work ethic. Nico's ability to stand on his own is a strength in terms of questing, but it's a flaw when it prevents him from experiencing love in fullness.

[sonoftatooine]

Whumpay 2021

DAY 19: HOPE / DESPAIR

Finally, this one took ages

Characters: Padmé Amidala, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker

Warnings: Brainwashing

Summary: Winter Soldier AU - Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker disappeared from the face of the Galaxy the day Palpatine executed Order 66. Padmé Amidala, however, managed to escape from Coruscant when the Empire was formed and became a founding member of the Rebellion. Several years later, when Obi-Wan Kenobi manages to capture the Emperor’s infamous Sith apprentice, Darth Vader, Padmé is left to deal with the horrifying discovery of what happened to her husband at the fall of the Republic.

***

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Padmé Amidala, former Senator of Naboo and member of the High Council of the Rebel Alliance, frowned down at the screen displaying the flickering vid feed of her lost husband in the room adjacent to the high security—or as high security as their current base could afford them—cell in which he was being held.  She had been stood there for at least ten minutes, hovering, waiting, and in all of that time, Anakin had not so much as twitched—so much so that she might have been fooled into thinking that she was looking at a still image if not for the rise and fall of his chest and the occasional blink. It was so unlike him—her restless husband, always on the move, but who had always come back to her until the day that he didn't—that it made her eyes burn with the effort to hold back tears. This was wrong, so wrong—

“Yes, Obi-Wan, I'm sure” she said once she was sure she could bite back the sharp reply that was on the tip of her tongue that the man beside her didn't at all deserve. Of course she was sure. How could she not be sure, when this was her husband—the man she loved with all the force of a thousand stars—at stake? She had to.

“You don't have to, Padmé.” Stood beside her, arms folded over his chest, and tired blue eyes fixed as unrelentingly on Anakin's frozen figure as her own, Obi-Wan Kenobi sighed, his mouth curved downwards in an unhappy line. Grief had aged him badly since the horrors of Order 66 and the beginnings of Palpatine's Empire. There were new lines around his eyes, and his auburn hair was fast turning white, but the change over those years was not nearly as stark as that which had been wrought upon him over the past few days. He looked raw and worn down, no matter how he tried to disguise it with his regular stoicism, as if he was on the verge of being swallowed by despair. Ever since the Empire had come for him on his last mission. Ever since they had managed to capture the Emperor's enforcer, Darth Vader.

Vader. Lord Vader. The name sent a shiver of horror through her, but not for the reasons that it once had. Before, she had known him simply as the latest in what seemed to be Darth Sidious' ever replenishing supply of Sith apprentices, and one of the most troubling additions to the Empire's ranks. Robed and masked entirely in black, without even the slightest indication to what lay beneath his impenetrable disguise, he had been a complete unknown to all but Palpatine himself—Empire and Rebellion alike—save for the brutal efficiency with which he carried out his duties. They had watched the Emperor's transmission introducing him to the Galaxy—her and Obi-Wan and Bail, while Luke and Leia slept soundly in their cribs watched over by Threepio and Artoo—from their bunker about a year after the Empire was formed. Padmé remembered seeing him, standing tall and motionless, three steps behind his master, and had felt a frisson of fear and misery run through her that she hadn't quite understood at the time.

She understood now. Oh Force, she thought as the image of Anakin, swamped in black robes and strapped, unconscious, to a gurney, and Obi-Wan's anguished look as he gasped out “he doesn't remember us; he doesn't even remember who he is”, swam through her mind. Oh Force, she understood now.

“Yes, I do,” she said, with a nod that looked far more decisive than she felt. She clutched the pile of warm cloaks and blankets that she had brought with her tight to her chest. Anakin had always hated the cold, and she couldn't bear the thought of him all alone in that cell without at least making sure he was as comfortable as possible. “He's my husband. I want to see him.”

She wanted to see him ever since they had brought him off the ship, ever since she had been dragged away from Coruscant by a harried Obi-Wan and Bail, crying and begging for them to take her back, that they needed to find Anakin, they couldn't leave him there. Anakin who she had last seen standing to the right of the Chancellor during the meeting of the Delegation of the 2000, hands bundled into the voluminous sleeves of his Jedi robes and not quite able to meet her eyes. Who had been sent by the Council to report to Palpatine the day of Order 66, and had never been seen since.

Until now.

“Padmé, he tried to attack me when I went to talk to him,” Obi-Wan reminded her grimly. “Ahsoka too. He doesn't remember any of us. All he knows is what Sidious has made him believe. What if he hurts you?”

Padmé shook his head.

“He won't hurt me” she whispered. He wouldn't hurt her. Anakin would never— But she didn't think he could ever have tried to hurt Obi-Wan either. Or Ahsoka. But he didn't remember any of them, because Sidious had taken him and forced him to forget everything, turned him into his weapon— She was shaking, full of rage and grief, but she pushed them both down. It was alright now. It would have to be alright. He was with the Rebellion now and they would heal him of whatever vile Sith had done to him and then he could meet their two precious children and everything would be alright—

“Padmé.” She thought, faintly, that Obi-Wan had managed to hone saying her name in a tone of utmost exasperation and frustration to a fine art. No doubt Anakin had given him a great deal of practice in the past. “He's not the Anakin we know. Not anymore.”

This time, it took a great deal more effort for her to swallow her harsh retort. Obi-Wan had given up hope a long time ago—the night of Order 66 when his bond to Anakin had snapped. He had thought him dead, and blamed himself for it—the Council had pushed him into spying on Palpatine, he had said, and he was sure that Anakin had discovered the man's secret and been killed for it. She remembered how he had looked, blurred through her tears as they rushed through hyperspace away from Coruscant—dishevelled and worn, the telltale signs of his battle with Grievous burnt into his Jedi robes, and a haunted look in his eyes, misted up with tears that he refused to let fall. He had come back from his last visit to Anakin's cell much the same, convinced that his old padawan had died with whatever it was that Palpatine had put him through, that what was left was nothing but a shell of the man he had loved as a brother.

(It still hadn't stopped him from abruptly ending a call with Yoda when the old Jedi Grandmaster had suggested “lost to the Dark, young Skywalker is; let him go, you should”.)

“I don't believe that,” she said. She had never believed Anakin to be dead. Refused to believe it, told Luke and Leia all sorts of stories about their brave and dashing father that she saw so much of in each of them, hoping beyond hope that one day he would be there to share his own stories with them. She wasn't about to give up now, when he was here—finally here, in front of her, no matter how changed, and no matter what Jedi platitudes about letting go she heard. “We can save him. I know we can.”

She turned her pleading gaze to Obi-Wan, but he refused to meet her eyes. He was still staring at the screen, and though his expression was blank, she could see the longing in his gaze—longing and fear. Fear that he would get his hopes up when nothing could be done. Fear that she would get hurt trying. Padmé sighed sadly. Obi-Wan may have given up hope, but she wasn't about to let him fall into despair.

“Obi-Wan, you'll be here the whole time,” she said, softly, soothingly. “I have faith that you'll protect me, if need be.”

Obi-Wan scowled, finally turning to look at her, but there was a hint of something gentle and fond beneath it.

“The pair of you will be the death of me” he sighed. It was barely a ghost of how he had been before, when they had all been together and happy and none of them had been brainwashed into becoming a Sith, but it was familiar enough that Padmé couldn't help but send him a watery smile.

“Please, Obi-Wan, I'm ready.”

Reluctantly, Obi-Wan nodded.

“I'll be just on the other side of the door.”

Despite her words, Padmé's heart felt like it might burst out of her chest as she stepped into Anakin's cell, the pneumatic hiss of the door closing behind her reverberating in her ears like a threat. She was not afraid. At least, she was not afraid of the figure sitting, head bowed, on the little cot in front of her—he had not attacked any of his visitors since the two Jedi; indeed, had barely acknowledged them, enough so that the High Council had deemed it as safe as it would ever be for her to see him—but she was afraid of what would happen next. Of what she would learn from this meeting. Of looking into her husband's eyes and finding him unrecognisable. But Padmé was never one to shy away from things that made her afraid, and so she took a deep breath, and murmured:—

“Anakin.”

No response.

“I brought these.” She gestured to the robes and blankets in her arms. “I thought you might be cold.”

That got a reaction from him. Slowly, jerkily, as if his head were being lifted up by a string, he turned his face towards her. The sight of him made her want to scream—scream and cry and hold him in her arms and never let go. He looked sick and gaunt, and the change from golden tan to waxy white looked even more stark under the bright lights of the cell, the circles under his eyes dark like bruises. And his eyes, oh his eyes. The sparkling blue that she remembered—had loved and missed so much for all that she saw it every day in the face of their son—had been replaced with the same horrible yellow that she had seen deep set in the sunken face of Emperor Palpatine, gleaming cruelly under the shadow of his hood, during Empire Day transmissions. But that wasn't even the worst of it. Anakin's eyes had always been so expressive, brimming with love and joy and fear and anger and grief, as if he felt too much and too deeply to keep it all inside. It was one of the things that she loved about him. Now, however, he turned those sickly eyes to her and she saw nothing in them but blankness. For the first time in his life, Anakin Skywalker looked upon her and he felt nothing.

Padmé swallowed, fighting back the urge to cry. She wanted to run to him, bury her fingers in his hair and press her lips to his as she used to do each time he came home to her from the war, but, with what felt like a monumental effort, she pushed the desire away. That wasn't what Anakin needed right now, no matter how much she wanted it. Instead, she waited for him to reply, waited for some sort of acknowledgement—anything to indicate what she should do, what she should say.

None came.

She sighed. Stepping forward, she leaned down and placed the pile of clothes next to him on the bed, trying to keep her heart from shattering into a thousand pieces at the tiny flinch he gave as she approached him. Carefully, so as not to startle him, she pulled back, coming to a stop once she was far enough away for him to relax minutely. Hot tears burnt at her eyes.

“Do you know who I am?” she asked, wishing that her voice did not sound so shaky, so thick with emotion. Anakin had always had a way of bringing out absolute honesty in her—even when she didn't even know she was trying to hide something—and now, confronted with her husband whom she hadn't seen in years, and who had spent every day of those long years suffering under the man who had enslaved the entire Galaxy to his will, all her politician's training, all her masks and airs had fled her. Even if she had wanted to, she couldn't have done a thing to hide her feelings from him.

Anakin frowned.

“You are Padmé Amidala,” he answered tonelessly. His voice was as dead and as flat as the look in his eyes. He sounded hoarse and tired, like he used to after waking up from a particularly bad nightmare. Like he had when he had when he had dreamt of her death in childbirth, only a week before he had disappeared, before she had run and left him— “One of the founders of the Rebellion.”

“That's right,” she said, with a nod that she wasn't sure was meant to encourage him or herself. “Do you— Is there anything else you remember about me?”

She knew it would be no. She knew he remembered nothing. But she wanted so badly for him to remember at least something of her. Wanted to know that Sidious hadn't taken everything from him. No matter what she wanted, though, she knew what his answer would be. Knew it and feared it.

“I understand that it's more usual for an interrogator to ask their prisoner for information,” Anakin replied. He tilted his head to the side, the expression on his face somewhere between confused and wary. “Not questions about themselves.”

He didn't sound like Anakin. Or rather, he sounded like Anakin—his voice sounded like Anakin, but the words, said in that flat, dull tone— It was wrong, all wrong. Oh my love, Padmé thought. My love, what has that monster done to you?

“I'm not interrogating you, Anakin” she said. She fought keep her voice steady and calm, even as she wanted nothing more than to burst into tears. Anakin's frown deepened, a look of suspicion flitting across his face.

“Why does everyone keep calling me that?” he asked, and for the first time, there seemed to be a hint of something else in his flat tone, a hint of uncertainty, of apprehension. His hands twitched, like he wanted to twist his fingers together like he used to do beneath the sleeves of his Jedi robes when he was nervous. Instead, he balled them tight into fists.

Padmé sent him a watery smile.

“It's your name, Ani.”

My Ani, she thought, watching him twitch oddly at the contraction of his name, turning sharply away. Her Ani who didn't even remember his own name. Oh, what was she going to do. How could she help him when he remembered nothing—nothing about his friends, nothing about her, nothing about himself—and they didn't even know what it was that Palpatine had done to him to cause this? She felt despair rushing in on her like a shark that had scented blood in the water, but she pushed back against it. She couldn't given in now. For Anakin's sake, she couldn't give up hope.

“How much has Obi-Wan told you?” she asked carefully. It was a risk mentioning Obi-Wan—a Jedi, a man he had ostensibly been sent to kill before the Rebellion had captured him—but she needed to know how much he had actually taken in.

Yellow eyes flicked back to her, the wariness and suspicion turning his expression even more closed off and guarded than it had been before.

“He told me I was once his Jedi apprentice,” he replied. “But I suppose you'll claim that I was your closest friend in the Senate. Or have you had the chance to corroborate your stories since Kenobi's last visit?”

The harshness of his words—as much as their content—made it all the harder to hold back her tears. Anakin had hardly ever spoken to her like that, was hardly ever sharp with her. Around her, perhaps, when he was particularly upset or frustrated, but rarely with her. It was yet another reminder of what had been done to him—the changes Sidious had forced upon him, as if he were nothing but a droid to be reprogrammed according to an owner's desire. Well, she would fix it, she would help him, and she would never let that vile man near him again. But to do that, she would have to get him to believe her, and for him to believe her, she—

“I'm not lying to you,” she insisted. “I promise you. It's Palpatine—Sidious—who has lied to you. You were a Jedi—have been since you were nine years old. Near the end of the war, the Council was concerned about the powers Palpatine had gathered for himself and sent you to report on him. But you— They sent you to his office the day he ordered the Jedi killed and then you disappeared. The Jedi thought you were dead, but he took you and he did something to you and you don't remember it because—”

“No.”

The sharp growl silenced her rambling mid-sentence. Her mouth clicked shut and her eyes widened as Anakin stood abruptly from the bed, his expression as hard as durasteel. Padmé swallowed, a flicker of nervousness fluttering in her stomach that she ruthlessly pushed down. She wondered if Obi-Wan was getting ready to dash into the cell from the other side of the door, afraid that he was about to attack her. But she refused to share that fear. She had never been afraid of Anakin, and she never would.

“No,” Anakin repeated, more softly this time. Instead of starting towards her, he prowled away to the far corner of the cell, back not quite turned to her—just enough to keep her in his line of sight—and hunched in on himself, arms crossed defensively across his chest. It was such a familiar gesture that, despite herself, Padmé couldn't help but feel a sliver of relief at the sight of it. Whatever Sidious had done to him, he hadn't managed to chase every last part of him from his mind. “My master warned me about this,” he muttered, more to himself than to her. “He told me that you would try to deceive me, turn me against him—”

“He's the one deceiving you!,” she cried, trying to ignore worm of uneasiness in her stomach at the thought of the Emperor warning her husband against the Jedi and the Rebellion—or perhaps her specifically. If she could just get him to see, just get him to believe— “I don't know what he's done to you but please, Anakin, all we want is to help you. All I want is to help you. But to help you, I need you to believe me—”

She approached him, slowly, cautiously, as one might a wounded animal. His gaze fixed on her the whole way, wary, unrelenting, but he did not move, frozen to the spot. She itched to reach out to him, to pull him in and hold him close, but she wrestled the urge down to the depths of her heart.

“Please, Ani,” she begged, barely a whisper. “Please.”

Anakin stared down at her, and for a moment, she thought she saw a flash of blue in those yellow eyes.

“You haven't told me who you are,” he said, after a long moment of silence. His tone was guarded, cautious, just as quiet as her own. “Who you were to me. If what you say is true, what did I mean to you?”

Everything, Padmé thought. You meant everything to me. You mean everything to me. You and Luke and Leia. And one day, I'll be able to have them meet their father and you'll mean everything to them too. Her heart, too full of love and fear and hope and despair, ached in her chest, snatching up all her words before they could reach her mouth. How could she say all of this to him? How could she say any of this to him, when he barely believed she was telling him the truth about his name?

“You're—”

She faltered, unsure what to do. Would it be too much for him, finding out that he was married to a woman he didn't even remember? But what could she say? She couldn't lie to him—wouldn't lie to him. She wanted him to trust her again, like he used to before everything had gone so wrong, and how could they ever help him if they too deceived him?

“I'm...I...I'm your wife.”

Anakin froze stock still.

“...What?” he whispered hoarsely.

“It's true.” Padmé could no longer stop herself. She reached out slowly with both hands, making to smooth down his hair—it had always calmed him down after a nightmare; maybe if he accepted the truth, it might soothe him a little now? He gave an odd little jerk at the contact, his tongue darting out nervously to wet his lips, but he didn't pull away, still frozen to the spot, staring down at her with wide eyes. “Please believe me. It's true. I'm your wife—”

“No,” Anakin cut across her again. This time, however, his eyes had not hardened, and he could see the uncertainty creeping into them. His voice shook. “No, you're a liar.”

His hand—the one of durasteel that she had held at their wedding after he lost it to Count Dooku—darted up to snatch her wrist. But instead of shoving her right away, he held her in place, her hand hovering between them, arm extended towards him, as if he could not decide whether to push her aside or pull her closer. Padmé stared into his eyes, vaguely aware that Obi-Wan was probably panicking by now on the other side of the door. She could feel the strength in his grip, well acquainted with what his mechno hand could do. He had been horribly embarrassed when he had managed to crush several of her cups after their wedding, still unused to the amount of force his prosthetic required compared to his flesh hand. If he wanted to, he could tighten his grip now and crush her just as he had those cups, shatter every bone in her wrist. But he did not press down. He didn't even so much as grip hard enough to bruise.

“I'm not,” she cried—really cried, the tears she had been holding back starting to trickle down her cheeks. “I swear to you—”

“You didn't corroborate your stories after all,” Anakin retorted. “I could hardly have been a Jedi and a husband.”

Padmé shook her head, blinking heavily to keep the tears from blurring her vision. It would be alright, she told herself. She could persuade him. His voice was not nearly so certain as his words, and if she could just explain properly—

“You broke the Code to marry me,” she said. “We kept it secret, so you could stay as a Jedi and I could keep serving in the Senate until the war was over—”

“How convenient” Anakin returned, perhaps not as derisively as he had intended. He still hadn't let go of her wrist.

Padmé shook her head again, more insistently this time. She reached once more with her free hand to cradle his cheek in his palm.

“Please, Anakin, please. I love you. I love—”

“No!” With a cry, Anakin jerked backwards. The durasteel fingers wrapped about her wrist pulled away. “No! You—”

But words seemed to be beyond him. He staggered back, hand shooting out to steady himself against the wall, but it wasn't enough. His legs failed him, and he sank down to the floor, forehead pressed to his knees, trembling violently.

“This isn't—,” he hissed. “You can't— It's a trick. It's a trick—”

His hands fisted in his hair, so tight that Padmé thought he might tear clumps of it out. She rushed to his side, wiping her tears away furiously with her sleeve. She had pushed him too far. It was too much for him—too much at once.

“Padmé.”

Anakin's head shot up just as Padmé turned around to see Obi-Wan standing in the doorway, trying to remain impassive and failing miserably. She caught a flurry of movement in the corner of her eyes—Anakin had forced himself to stand back up, pressed up against the wall. He looked like a cornered loth-wolf, hunched in on himself, ready to spring, his yellow eyes wide and feral.

“It's alright,” Obi-Wan soothed, holding up the palms of his hands to show him he wasn't armed. Despite the calmness of his tone, Padmé could hear the agony beneath his words. “I won't hurt you. We will leave you to rest now.”

He turned a significant glance towards her, and Padmé could do nothing but nod, for all that she wanted to stay. She didn't want to overwhelm Anakin any more than she had already. Swallowing thickly, she forced down her tears, turning to meet her husband's unnatural yellow eyes with her own glistening brown.

“I'm sorry,” she whispered. “I'm so sorry.”

She made it to the other side of the door before she broke down in tears.

(Later, when she came to check on him to find him curled up in the warm robe she'd brought him, she cried for very different reasons).

[turning-dreams-into-chaos]

Goodbye For Now

Request: Don't worry about falling asleep!! Sleep is necessary, girl! Anyway my idea was: what if Y/N and Luke (or Reggie, whoever you wanna write about) dated and were best friends back in the 90s when Sunset Curve died. And Y/N stays in contact with the family of their love interest for all those years. And Y/N is shocked when she sees their love interest in the band with Julie again, they can't believe their eyes! Anyway, you don't have to write this, but it popped up in my head and I love your writing❤

Word Count: 3.6K

~Master~

A/N: I hope I did this justice! Thank you so much for requesting it and letting me give it a go. Please please please let me know what you think!

***

1995

“Give me a kiss.” Luke mumbled against your lips as you smiled and pulled away slightly, enough to see his eyes as he opened them wide, giving you his beautiful puppy dog eyes. “Please?”

You giggled, feeling his hand thread with yours as you sat on his lap. “Only because you so asked so politely.” You whispered to him before meeting his lips briefly, pulling away at the sound of someone clearing their throat. You pulled away, looking behind you at Alex, Bobby, and Reggie watching you. “Rehearsal?” Bobby asked as you nodded, about to get up before Alex put his hand out.

“But look at them.” He started, smiling at you and your boyfriend. “They’re adorable. Just give them a moment.” You smiled at Alex, silently thanking him before you turned back to Luke. Luke’s smile was just as wide and you started to lean in to kiss him, only to hear Alex speak. “Moment’s up!” The drummer yelled as you groaned, letting your head fall on Luke’s shoulder instead. He chuckled underneath you and you smiled at the smile, giving his hand a squeeze. Getting up off his lap, you stretched a hand out to help Luke up, but as you were doing so, the boy moved quickly, placing a gentle kiss on your lips before moving past you to his guitar.

You shook your head lovingly and fell back into the spot Luke was sitting at, feeling his eyes on you until you met his. He winked at you and started playing with the rest of the band joining in as you sat back and enjoyed the music.

2020

“Mom, have you seen my backpack?” You heard shouted from somewhere in your house as you pulled the toast out of the toaster, tossing the slices on two plates.

“Have you looked under your bed?” There was a pause after your answer before a thank you was shouted back and you shook your head fondly. A few bouncing steps on from the stairs caused you to turn around, just in time to see your daughter sit down on the other side of the counter. You slid her breakfast to her along with a glass of orange juice and joined her. “Eat up, you’re gonna be late to school.”

As soon as the words crossed your mouth, you heard the bus outside, your daughter frozen in place as you looked at her with a raised brow. “Oopsies?” She said, pretending to be innocent, although you knew better.

“Emily! What did I say about missing the bus?”

“That next time I’d have to walk?” She knew that was the answer, she just didn’t like it. You nodded, trying to enforce your rules but when Emily looked at you, you knew you were going to crack. “But there’s an assembly today! I can’t be late.”

You stayed strong for a minute before giving in. “I’ll get my keys.” You mumbled and stood up. Emily cheered, thanking you and saying she loved you before you pointed at her. “You finish eating. The last thing I need to hear is you harping about stopping for food.” She nodded swiftly and bit into her toast, making a noise to show you how good it was as you chuckled at her and moved to get ready.

Once Emily was at school, you went for a drive, taking your time until you pulled up to a house not far from your own. Giving yourself a minute to breathe, you played with the guitar pick that hung low off your neck. It was Luke’s. Something you managed to find in your room almost a year after your best friends died. 25 years later and you kept it, a reminder of what it felt like to be loved unconditionally. Sure, you moved on, even married and had Emily, but that only ended in divorce and you receiving full custody of your daughter. You kept afloat, relying on other’s support as you worked through life.

The car door slammed behind you when you got out and walked up to the little old house in front of you. After knocking, you waited, hearing a sweet voice tell you she’s coming before the door opened wide.

“Hi Mrs. Patterson.” You smiled, seeing her mirror your emotions.

“Y/N dear, how are you? Come inside!” She beckoned and you listened pushing past her. “And how many times have I told you to call me-“

“Emily.” You laughed as you said her name at the same time, seeing her grin wide as she pulled you in for a hug. You reciprocated, hugging Luke’s mother tightly before pulling away. “And I’m great, thank you for asking.”

“And your little one? How’s Emily doing?” Your face softened at the mention of your daughter, aptly named Emily after her of course, the woman who you’d grown closer too since the death of her son. Your main source of support for longer than you deserved.

“She’s doing just fine. Almost late to school today, but then again, you know how normal that is for her.” Emily laughed at your exasperated face, putting a hand on your arm.

“Well, she does take after her mother.” She told you, reminding you of when Luke and you were younger and you’d always show up almost an hour after the time you’d agreed upon. Luke often had to lie about the times just to get you places on time. Emily and you spent the next few hours catching up, it had been a few weeks since you’d stopped by.

Your smile turned sad as you caught a glance at a picture of Luke on the table next to the couch and your thoughts drifted to him again. It might’ve been 25 years, but Luke and you grew up together. Every memory you had of your childhood was with Luke by your side. “I miss him, too.” Emily whispered, catching the distant look on your face. You looked up at her, seeing her wipe away a tear on her face. “Sometimes, I think about what his life would’ve been like if he hadn’t-“ She stopped herself, swallowing quickly as you grabbed her hand to comfort her. She thanked you silently and kept on with her thoughts. “You and him surely would’ve gotten married. Emily would’ve been his and I’d have a granddaughter.” Her words were whispers as your eyes watered up, letting yourself get lost momentarily in your head.

What a dream that would’ve been.

“Well, look at the time.” Emily said, bringing you out of your thoughts as you glanced to the clock on the wall, surprised to see it was almost time to pick your daughter up for school. You quickly wiped your tears, laughing at yourself for letting yourself cry in front of Emily. She didn’t mind, having been crying as well. You said your goodbyes to her, sharing more hugs before you were off.

Emily was bouncing on her heels as you arrived at school, talking with her best friend when you pulled up. “Hey Em!” You shouted out the window to get her attention. She looked at you, saying goodbye before getting into the car.

“How was school?” You asked, trying to get a conversation going but she wasn’t focused on you, instead on her phone.

“It was fine.”

You raised a brow, looking at her out of the corner of your eye. “Fine?” you asked, seeing her nod. You didn’t ask more, letting her continue texting whoever it was she was texting. She even started humming under her breath. You found the tune familiar, but you couldn’t place it. You shook it off, focusing back on the road until she started singing.

“And rise through the night, you and I, we will fight to shine together, bright forever” You stopped the car immediately, hands gripping the wheel tightly as Emily grabbed her seatbelt, glancing back and making sure there were no cars behind you guys as she looked at you. “Mom, what are you doing?” she asked quickly, grabbing onto your arm. You stared right out of the front window.

That couldn’t have been possible. She couldn’t have been singing- “Where’d you learn that song?” you tried to ask calmly.

Emily just furrowed her brows. “What? What are you-“

“The song, Em.” You looked at her, seeing confusion written on her face.

“Some girl, um Julie Molina, sang it at school today with her band.” She said, not at all knowing what you were getting at. “Why?”

“No reason.” You mumbled, looking back at the road. Emily glanced to you when you didn’t drive, not until a car appeared behind you and you remembered. You didn’t know what to think. Only a few people knew that song. The song that Luke and you wrote together. It wasn’t even recorded, your friends died before it could’ve been. You were silent the rest of the ride back, even staying in the car as Emily got out, asking if you were coming but you told her to go ahead inside. She questioned it, but didn’t press you much.

You knew Julie Molina. She was friend’s with Bobby’s daughter when they were younger. Bobby and you kept in touch for years after everything. Until he changed his name to Trever Wilson and stole Luke’s songs. That was when the two of you fell out of touch, when he wouldn’t listen to you about how horrible of a person he’d become, letting the fame go to his head.

You pulled out of your driveway, driving down the streets much faster than you’d like before arriving at the Molina residence. Heart racing, you slowly made your way up to the house. You needed answers.

“Hello?” Julie’s father, Ray asked as the door opened.

“Hi.” You said, not having anything to say planned. “Um, I’m sorry is your daughter home?” You asked him, seeing his brows furrow at the obvious weirdness of a middle-aged woman asking for his daughter.

“She might be. May I ask how you know her?”

You chuckled slightly, not knowing how to answer. “My name’s Y/N Y/L/N. I have a daughter who goes to her school and told me about her playing today. I was hoping to ask her a few questions?”

Ray paused for a minute before glancing up the stairs. “Hey Julie!” He shouted. “Someone’s at the door for you!”

You smiled, thanking him as Julie’s footsteps could be heard coming down the stairs. She stood in front of you, not recognizing you as Ray left you both. “Can I help you?”

“Hi, this might sound a little weird, but my name’s Y/N and I have a daughter who goes to your school, Emily. She saw your performance today at the assembly and when she got in the car, she started singing it.” Julie nodded, not quite understanding where you were going with this. “How did you know the song?”

Her mouth opened, trying to figure out what to say. “I’m sorry?” She said, putting on a smile.

You took a deep breath, playing with the guitar pick again. “The song you sang, it’s called Bright”

“I uh,” She began, glancing behind her briefly before stepping outside with you and closing the door. “How do you know the song?" Julie asked you, not understanding how you knew a song that Sunset Curve never got to record. A song that Luke had just given her yesterday.

“I wrote it 25 years ago.”

That took Julie for a shock. She just stared at you, not knowing what to say. “Will you excuse me?” She said quickly before rushing past you. You watched her leave, racing the garage before you realized something important.

It was the studio. The band’s old studio. You smacked yourself for not realizing sooner and followed after her. Your heart skipped a beat as you pulled open the door, stepping inside after almost 25 years.

“She said she wrote it!” you heard Julie yell as your eyes found her immediately.

“That’s impossible! I wrote it!”

Your eyes watered at the sight. There, right in front of you, was your boys, the best friends you ever had and the certain one you fell in love with. “Luke?” You gasped out, seeing four heads turn your way. His eyes found yours and you knew he didn’t recognize you, but you didn’t care. “How are you-“ your words died on your tongue as your eyes started watering, your throat closing to keep your emotions at bay.

Luke just stared at you, firstly shocked that you could see him, but then it hit him. “Y/N.”

Everyone stayed quiet, including Julie who was left in the dark completely. He took a step towards you, his eyes watering as well before you were both rushing to each other. Luke caught you in his arms, holding you like his life depended on it and you did as well.

With that thought you pulled back and looked at him. “How are you here? How are you… You look….” You were tripping over your words, too many thoughts running through your head that you tried to push out. “I thought you died.”

“I did.” He said, bringing a hand up to wipe your tears away, but it didn’t matter as more fell. Luke, however caught up in the moment, paused and looked at his hand, dragging it across your cheek again and again and again before looking into your eyes. “I can touch you.” He whispered.

You furrowed your brows, grabbing his hand and holding it tight. “What?”

“I can touch you.” He repeated, looking back at Alex, Reggie, and Julie. You followed suit, seeing them all confused. Reggie stepped forwards slowly, reaching a hand out to you and you slowly tried to take it, but your hand went right through his as you gasped and stepped back.

You started to put it together. They looked 17 again, people can’t normally see them, your hands went right through them- well, through Reggie, and lastly, they died. “You’re ghosts.” Luke nodded, reaching for your hand again but you pulled it away. “I’m dreaming.” You concluded. “I must be.” You were starting to spiral, beginning to pace back and forth before stopping and turning to the four of them. “I should- I have to go.” You stammered out and headed out the door, ignoring Luke calling out your name.

“Luke.” Reggie said, getting his friend’s attention. Luke turned around with tears in his eyes but he was walking backwards to the door.

“I have to follow her.” He told them and immediately Reggie and Alex nodded, ushering him to go after you.

Julie stood there confused. “What just happened? Who was that?” She asked, looking to Alex and Reggie for answers as Luke left the Studio.

Reggie and Alex shared a glance, trying to decide who should tell her. Alex took one for the team. “That was Y/N.” He begun, sticking his hands in his pockets. “Luke and Y/N, back when we were alive, they were… you know-“

“In love.” Reggie interrupted, receiving a nod from Alex. Julie’s mouth dropped open.

“Wow.” She muttered, remembering the look on your face when you saw him again. “I didn’t know Luke had a girlfriend.”

“It was more than that.”

“Yeah,” Reggie went on. “They grew up together. Best friends.”

They kept answering her questions about you, finding this whole thing so bizarre, but the one thing they didn’t have answers for was how you touched Luke. They blamed it on your connection to him. It had always been so strong, of course it would’ve carried to the afterlife.

---

“Y/N!” Luke called after you as you headed to your car, refusing to look back until he put his hand on your shoulder. “Y/N, please.”

You stopped, letting your eyes close as you turned around to face him. “I can’t, Luke.” Your voice broke. “You died.”

“I know.” His voice wavered as you leaned against your car, crying again more. “But I’m here now.”

“Are you?” you looked at him as you let your tears fall freely, not bothering to hide them. “You’re a ghost, Luke. How is this possible?”

“We don’t know.” He admitted, refusing to look away from you. He moved closer to you, slowly testing the waters until he could hug you again. You collapsed against him, crying into his shoulder. Luke’s arms hugged you tightly, sure it was different than hugging the younger you, obviously you were taller and your figure had changed since, but it was still you.

“I don’t care.” You whispered. “I don’t care that you’re a ghost. I’m just-“ you paused, blinking away your tears as you pulled away. “I’m just really happy to see you again.”

“It’s been years for you, I guess.” He said, not sure how to address the fact you’re now 42.

You chuckled at him, feeling a little less like crying as you nodded. “25 years. It’s been 25 years.” You saw his eyes flicker to your hand as you brought it up to wipe your tears, and it took you a second to realize what he was looking for.

“I’m not married, Luke. Not anymore.” You told him, seeing the way he started getting embarrassed at you catching on.

“I’m sorry.” He said, not missing the second part of your statement.

You shook your head. “Don’t be. We didn’t work out. The only good thing about that marriage was having my-“ you stopped yourself. Luke’s mother’s words from earlier echoing in your brain. The dream you weren’t sure you should’ve thought about. Luke motioned for you to continue, not knowing what was happening in your head. You sighed, looking to the ground. “Having my… daughter.”

Luke just stared at you. Did he hear you right? You had a daughter? You, who he imagined always a future with, had a kid. “Wow.” He said, hiding the pain in his chest. “A daughter.” He cursed himself in his head. Of course, you had a daughter. It’s been years and he died. Of course, you moved on. He cleared his throat. “What’s her name?”

You smiled to yourself, finding he courage to look up at him again. “Emily.” You told him and immediately Luke gasped. “I named her after your mother.” Luke was taken back, not knowing what to say. His eyes darted between yours. “She misses you, Luke.” You told him, knowing how many times Emily and you had spoken about Luke, every time making you smile despite the pain in your heart. “We all do.”

“I missed you too.” He said quickly. The one thing he’d always missed now playing with the boys and Julie was your smile as he played, or your cheers afterwards, pretending you were a screaming fan in an audience. “I tried to find you, but I couldn’t.” He began to explain, and you understood. Times had changed, homes, names, people. You weren’t shocked he couldn’t find you.

You were about to speak before your phone rang, knocking you out of the bubble you and Luke created. You pulled out your phone, seeing a picture of Emily on your phone, smiling as you kissed her cheek. Luke looked down at the phone, seeing your daughter and he smiled. “She has your eyes.” He said, amazed by the similarity of you both.

“That’s not all of me she has.” You smiled. You didn’t want to say goodbye to him just yet, but Emily kept calling. “I have to go, she’s probably getting worried.” You whispered sadly.

Luke understood, nodding as he reached for your hand again. You let him take it, threading your fingers together as he wiped one last tear off your face. “It’s okay. I understand.” He assured you.

You held onto his hand tightly. “I don’t wanna say goodbye forever again.” You admitted, feeling guilty, but you didn’t care. You couldn’t lose him again.

“Then don’t.” You tilted your head, questioning him. “Don’t say goodbye forever. Not this time.” He smiled at you. “Right now, I’m not going anywhere. This is just goodbye for now.”

Your smile slowly grew and you dried your face. “Okay.” You whispered. “Goodbye for now.” You agreed moments before Luke pulled you into a last bone crushing hug that you reciprocated.

Luke pulled away, catching sight of the guitar pick on your neck as he smiled at it before his eyes met yours again. “Goodbye for now.” He repeated before letting go, slowly stepping back towards the garage as he watched you climb into your cars, but of you going your separate ways.

You were barely down the streets from the Molina’s before your phone rang again and Emily’s contact popped up. You quickly answered it, putting it on speaker. “Hey Emily.”

“Mom!” She shouted and you could hear the relief in her voice over the call. “I’ve called you 3 times, where were you?”

“I’m sorry honey, I was just…” you paused, trying to not say you were just seeing your deceased ex-boyfriend who died 25 years ago, “I was just visiting an old friend.”

There was a silence on the line before Emily spoke again. “Are you okay? You sound upset.” You took a second. Were you okay? Luke was back, he was really here. He was a ghost, but he was here. Things would never be the same again, but at least you could say goodbye for real. “Mom? Are you okay?” You let a smile creep on your face.

“Yeah, honey. I’m going to be fine.”

ALL TAGLISTS CLOSED!

Permanent: @literal-fand0m-trash @nathaliabakes @colored-confetti @btsiguess-kpop @galacticstxrdust @independentgirl @hollymac79 @emcchi @rauwz @chewymoustachio @smilexcaptainx @faith-quake @johnmurphyisqueer @kettnerjanea @teenagereadersciencenerd @ladykxxx08 @annasofiaearlobe @mytreec @ananad1 @agentnataliahofferson @the-unmanaged-mischief @wonderful-writer @theonly1outof-a-billion

[dreamwritesimagines]

Twisted 26 - Blood On My Name [Spencer Reid x Reader]

A.N.: Thank you so much for your wonderful support my loves! Here’s the next chapter, I hope you will like it as well, and please let me know what you think of it! ❤❤ Ily, kisses! ❤❤❤

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Murder, serial killers, violence, manipulation, mentions of sex, drinking, smoking, guns.

Word Count: 3000

Summary: No one can run away forever.

There were some days when you just knew it wouldn’t be easy for you, and today was one of them, that was for sure. It was as if after seeing how Spencer had managed to charm your family the other night and how everything was going well in your relationship, the universe had decided to throw in some difficulties to make it interesting.

For starters, you had forgotten to buy coffee the day before so you couldn’t even have your much needed caffeine. After managing to get rid of the sleepiness with a very cold shower and getting ready, you left your apartment to get to your car, and that was when the second problem hit.

It wouldn’t start no matter how much you tried, so you had to take a taxi to your office.

And as if all that wasn’t enough, Spencer had decided to call you with some bad news as well.

“You can’t be serious,” you whined, pressing the phone to your ear as you paced in your office, “Spencer, please tell me you’re not leaving me alone at a party I didn’t even want to go to in the first place!”

“Trust me, I don’t want to.”

“You have a case,” you felt the need to repeat, “Today of all days.”

“We’re flying there in ten.”

You heaved a sigh and plopped down to the couch, nibbling your lip.

“I’m really sorry,” he said softly, “I swear I’d be there if I could.”

You sook your head, “No, don’t be sorry,” you murmured, “I get that. It’s your job. Besides, it’s probably a life or death situation if they called you guys there.”

He hummed in agreement, “Probably,” he said “But are you going to be alright?”

“I mean I’ll probably drink a lot,” you tried to joke, “And miss you for the whole night.”

“I’ll miss you too,” he confessed, “They’re sending some agents to make sure the copycat doesn’t try anything at that party if they even show up, but… Just promise me you’ll be careful.”

“When am I not careful?”

He scoffed a laugh, “Do you want a list? Because I think it’d be a long list.”

“I’m always careful!” you protested, “Also, given our occupations it’s kind of ironic to hear this from you, I’ll have you know.”

You could almost hear his smile, “Just promise me.”

“I’ll be very careful,” you said, “Cross my heart. Besides, it’s Nolan’s company, professor. No one can walk there with any weapon, it’s a security company remember? Even I am leaving my knife at home.”

“Just don’t go anywhere alone, be in the crowd for the whole time—”

“Make sure to stay where security cameras can see me, I know.” You finished his sentence for him, “It’s not my first rodeo. Relax boyfriend, it’s just one boring party. What could possibly go wrong?”

“Don’t say that,” he warned you, “Bad things happen when people say that.”

“I didn’t take you for a superstitious type, professor.”

“I’m not,” he said, “I just don’t want to take any chances. It’s already bad enough that I won’t be there.”

“You’re telling me,” you said, “I was hoping we could hook up somewhere in there, it’s a huge building.”

You heard his chuckle, “You’re incorrigible.”

“Well it’s always Mina and Kenzie who have fun in these things, for once I want to have fun too!” you defended yourself, “Besides, don’t pretend like you don’t like it.”

“Hey, I said nothing of the sort.”

“Reid, come on.” You heard Luke’s voice and Spencer sighed.

“I should go,” he told you, “I love you.”

A smile warmed your face, “I love you too,” you said, “Go save some lives.”

You hung up, then ran a hand over your face, slumping on the couch.

“Y/N?” your assistant knocked on the glass door of your office before peeking her head in, “Hi, are you busy?”

“Not really,” you sat up straighter, “What’s up?”

“You wanted me to remind you when it’s time for lunch,” she said, “Also I sent your dress for tonight to your place, the front desk will get it.”

“Thanks,” you checked the time and stood up to walk to your desk, “Damn it, I’m going to be late.”

“I also called the mechanics, but they said it would take two days for it to be fixed.”

“Today just gets better and better,” you muttered and she tilted her head,

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Hm?” you looked up, “Yeah, sorry. I’m fine, it’s just one of those days. Since the morning everything is going bad, and I was hoping my boyfriend would be with me at this party, but he had something to do so…”

“Maybe he can change his mind?” she suggested, “See, I had this boyfriend once, and he said he wouldn’t show up to my birthday party because we had this huge fight, but then he showed up anyway.”

“Oh it’s not like that,” you shook your head, “There’s no fight, he’s just not gonna be in the city tonight.”

She scrunched up her nose, “That sucks.”

You scoffed a laugh and grabbed your coat and your purse, “It’s fine. Where are we on the Riley wedding flower arrangement by the way?”

“All confirmed, she says she loved it,” she said and you smiled.

“Thanks,” you said as you walked to the elevator with her following you, “I’ll be back in an hour, okay? Have a nice lunch.”  

                                                        ***

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Lincoln said as you sipped your rosé, looking around the restaurant you two were having lunch in, “How did you even break down your car?”

“I didn’t do anything!”

“When was the last time you took it to a mechanic to get it checked out?”

“When I bought it?” you said and he let out a chuckle.

“So you have no car for tonight?”

You pulled your brows together, “Tonight? How did you-?”

“You know we run in the same social circle right?” he said, “My dad’s company also does business with Nolan, of course I’m invited. That being said, I wasn’t sure if I would show up, but since here you are, begging me to help you—“

“I’m just eating my food here.”

“I can drive you there,” he finished his sentence as if you didn’t interrupt him and you tilted your head.

“I can just take a cab,” you said, “Or mom could send a car, it’s fine. You don’t have to.”

“Consider it my thanks for your unrequited advices on my relationship.”

“Oh you need more advice?” you perked up and he rolled his eyes.

“No.”

“You made up with your girlfriend then?”

“It’s complicated.”

“You really need to go to Italy for a surprise visit,” you pointed at him with your fork “That’d be incredibly romantic.”

“Is that right, love doctor?”

Your jaw dropped, “Come on, when have I ever failed you with my advice?” you asked, “If you love this girl, you need to show her that.”

“I’m just gonna play it cool.”

“That’s a terrible idea!” you said, “I know you’re not the romantic type, but you need to at least make an effort!”

He shot you a look “I’m a romantic.”

“Bullshit,” you let out a laugh, “You might be the most emotionally distant person I’ve seen after me, and you’re telling me you’re—“

“I believe that some people are meant to be,” he cut you off, “No matter the circumstances. Consequences be damned, anyone who thinks otherwise doesn’t deserve to be in love. I think if you’re in love, you should adore that person every day, and be there for them for better or worse. Whatever sacrifice it takes.”

You blinked a couple of times, shock coming over you, “Linc…”

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for the woman I love,” he told you, “Trust me. Nothing at all.”

You just gawked at him for a few seconds before you put your fork down.

“I stand corrected,” you muttered, and he grinned at you.

“Yeah, how does it feel to be wrong?”

“Oh shut up,” you said and stabbed your salad once more, ignoring his laugh.

By the time your lunch with Lincoln was over and you got back to your office, your fingers were itching to text Spencer. Reminding yourself that he was probably busy, you managed to suppress the urge and waited for the elevator doors to open.

Erica was already waiting for you by the door and you let out a whine.

“Don’t tell me,” you said, “You have bad news because today has a grudge with me.”

“I mean it’s not bad, but I figured you’d want to know.”

“Give me some good news, like you saw a puppy today or they named a whiskey after me or—“

“Your mother is waiting for you in your office.”

“I said good news, Erica.” you reminded her and made your way to your office before you opened the glass door to step inside. Your mother looked over her shoulder, sitting up straighter on the couch.

“Hi honey.”

“Hi mom,” you walked to peck her on the cheek, “What’s up? To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I need help,” she said and you hung your coat, placed your purse on the coffee table, motioning at one of the interns for coffee before you leaned back to the table.

“Sure thing, what is it?”

“How do my nails look?” she held up her hand and you pulled your brows together.

“That’s what you need help with?” you asked “You do realize that this is why we have phones?”

“No, I wanted to talk face to face for my next question.”

“Ah, I won’t like that question will I?” you hissed in a breath, “Your nails are fine by the way.”

“It’s just that, I don’t know when Nolan will propose so I booked my nail artist for a month.”

“I want to have your problems,” you muttered as your phone buzzed and you checked the screen, then touched the text message.

From: Spencer

The power of Love borne in my lady's eyes

imparts its grace to all she looks upon.

You couldn’t help the wide smile pulling at your lips as you skimmed Dante’s lines, then thought for a moment and typed in:

See that you bless the day that I took you captive; it is your duty to do so.

“Y/N!”

You lifted your head, “Hm?”

“Are you listening to me?”

“Yeah, sorry,” you lowered the phone as the intern brought you two cups of coffee. You thanked her, then turned to your mother, “It’s just… Spencer is out of the city again, that’s why— never mind. What did you want to ask me?”

“I think I have an idea about Nolan’s proposal and this…potential marriage.”

You cleared your throat, “Uh, sorry. My client list is full.”

“Nobody buys that excuse honey.”

“I mean can you blame me?” you asked, “You would be the worst bride I’ve ever had to deal with, no offense.”

“First of all, I’ll just have a cocktail, not a wedding,” she said, “It would be inappropriate to have a wedding, considering our ages.”

“Mom!” you protested, “That’s not a thing! Anyone can have a wedding, fuck what society thinks.”

“Very delicately put, but I’ve made up my mind,” she said, “That’s not what I came here for. I decided, I want to be with Nolan and spend the rest of my life with him. So I will say yes when he proposes.”

“A surprise to no one,” you grinned and she shot you a look.

“But considering what people would think, I feel like I need to make a schedule. Do you happen to know when Spencer will propose?”

The coffee you were drinking went down the wrong tube and you started coughing, but your mother sipped her own coffee, patiently waiting for you to stop.

“Say- say what now?” you asked and she shrugged her shoulders.

“Yes, I was thinking I could stay engaged to Nolan until after your future wedding.”

“Mom we’re not— I’m—“ you stammered, “That’s not happening.”

She tilted her head, “Oh don’t be nonsense, you’re in love. Very obvious to anyone who has eyes, he couldn’t stop looking at you throughout dinner the other night.”

“Yeah but….” you cleared your throat, “I don’t think he’s planning anything like that.”

“Well—“

“I’m not going to ask him if he’s planning anything like that,” you cut her off, “I don’t live in Victorian ages, neither do you. I told you, you can get married to the eccentric billionaire puppy with a bowtie whenever you want.”

She rolled her eyes at you. “Unbelievable.”

“Right back at you lady.”

“If Nolan lets you know about when, you will tell me okay?”

“I doubt he’ll let me know, he looks like he’s got it covered.”

“And you’re still planning my cocktail party when the time comes.”

“Mom, no!” you let out a whine, throwing your head back, “Please don’t do that to me. I’m your daughter, you’re supposed to love me!”

“I do love you, that’s why I don’t trust anyone else with my wedding except for you.”

“Don’t trust me,” you said, “I’m begging you not to trust me. Planning Mina’s wedding was bad enough, you’re even a bigger control freak than she is—“

“Y/N.”

“I say that respectfully!”

She put her cup of coffee on the glass table, then stood up.

“Just remember, I absolutely hate carnation flowers and polyester gives me a rash.”

“Why does God hate me?” you wondered out loud and she kissed you on the cheek.

“I’ll see you tonight honey,” she said and walked out of your office, ignoring your overly dramatic whining. You buried your face into your palms, letting out a groan.

“I really should’ve drunk something heavier than rosé.”

                                                         ***

You had picked this dress thinking Spencer would like it, and now that he wouldn’t be there with you, you were two seconds away from changing it. You heaved a sigh, looking in the mirror before you fixed the tulle floor length skirt of the pale pink dress and pulled at the long sleeves adorned with lace. The small screen by the door lit up as it started ringing and you walked there to touch it, then told the doorman that he could send Lincoln upstairs when he told you he was there.  

Soon enough, the doorbell rang and you opened it.

“Hey,” you said, grinning when he did a double take and blinked a couple of times.

“Wow.”

“Bad wow?”

“Good wow.”

“Why thanks Linc, you clean up well too. Come in!” you stepped aside so that he could enter the apartment and he looked around as you closed the door.

“Nice place.”

“Thanks,” you said and checked the time before you went to the kitchen island. “You’re early.”

“And you started early,” he nodded at the wine glass on the kitchen island, making you shrug.

“I just have one e-mail to check for confirmation, then we can go.”

“No rush,” he said, leaning back to the wall as you looked at the photos of the wedding venue for your newest client, swirling the wine in your glass.

“You want some?”

“Nah, not yet,” he said, “Work stuff?”

“Mm hm,” you mumbled, “She describes the venue she wants as boho-glam so it’s going to be pretty tough for me to find a lot of options.”

“Your job is definitely more fun than mine.”

“My job is harder than yours,” you pointed at him and he scoffed.

“How is that?”

“Have you ever dealt with an angry bride?” you asked him, “You wouldn’t last a goddamn second. Just the other day, one of them tried to make me give her a list of her wedding dress options too, the one thing I’m not responsible from.”

“I mean can you blame her?” Lincoln asked, “You obviously have a good taste, look at yourself.”

“Aw thanks Linc,” you hit send, and closed down the laptop lid before you reached for your wine glass to take a sip, taking a step towards the coffee table.

“Yeah I’ll almost feel sorry for Spencer for missing it.”

It took you a second. For a second, it was all good and then you stopped dead on your tracks, a shudder running down your spine as your brain comprehended what he just told you. You could feel the goosebumps rising on your arms as you put the glass down, your back still turned to him.

“I never told you I was dating Spencer,” you managed to mumble through frozen lips and he chuckled.

“No you didn’t,” he said, “Erica told me. Family dinner with Spencer, it was on your schedule the other night.”

Your thoughts were like a tornado in your head as your heart started slamming against your ribcage and you turned to him, your eyes finding potential weapons you could use all around the room instantly and he tilted his head.

“So I know that there are about fifty things in this room you can attack me with,” he said, “But just so you know, if you try anything, your niece goes down. You don’t want your precious Lily to have an accident, do you? Because I don’t either.”

That red haze clouded your vision for a moment as your jaw clenched.

“I’m going to kill you,” your voice didn’t even sound like it belonged to you anymore, it was way too cold, way too calm, the shock leaving its place to fury roaring through your veins. A manic smile pulled at Lincoln’s lips and that dangerous gleam which you had seen multiple times in your father’s eyes appeared in his eyes as well before he took a step towards you.

“I missed your fire,” he said as if he was in awe, “So much. It’s been a torture to keep my distance from you. But honestly, Petal,” he tut-tutted, then reached behind him and pulled out his gun to point it at you.

“You should’ve known better.”

Chapter 27 

[suchalonelysunflower]

Over And Out (l.h)

End Up Here - Part 4

Pairing: Luke Hemmings x 5sos! Fem! Reader

Summary: A tour. A secret relationship. And rumors only grow...

Warnings: Angst, mild smut. Mentions of harassment, sexual harassment, sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, creepy men, jealousy, alcohol, cheating, fighting, sexism, and many frustrations. Language and some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word Count: 10k

Author’s Note: this is the most frustrating thing I’ve ever written, I believe. Next part will be up on March 14th. Remember that Reblogs, Fedback, Comments and Likes are very important! You have no idea how much they help me ❤️ Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋🌻✨

My Materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

Series Materialist || part 1 || part 2 || part 3

Liked by michaelclifford, 5sosfan4eva and 1,573 others

lukehemmings and away and away we go ✈️

View all 347 comments

5sosfan4eva THEY ARE TOTALLY DATING

↪️ calumlovesash I hope they’re not 🤢 she was much better with Madden or Josh. At least they’re famous

yn5sos I’m changing seats with Michael

↪️ lukehemmings @yn5sos 🥺

*

@5sos EUROPE ARE YOU READY?!

“I can’t believe we’re already here!” Y/N cheered as they got to the hotel.

It’s been a month on the road already and they finally had a few days to rest before traveling to yet another destination. They had the idea of doing a tour to promote not only their new singles and tease the album release that’s bound to happen next year, and it ended up being one of the most incredible ideas they had after spending almost a year without doing shows.

They started with a small tour in Europe, then they will move on back home in Australia for a couple of shows, and then the big finale in the United States where most of their shows were already sold out. By that time, the fans would’ve already listened to the new songs and be even more hyped for the new album.

Luke was the newbie on tour, this not being the first time he traveled away from home, but the first time he did it with people he cared about. He was having the time of his life with Y/N, the boys, and their s.o. It all felt like a dream. He was actually living the life of a rockstar on his summer break, even if most of the things they did they had to keep it a secret.

When Y/N invited Luke on tour there was no way he would’ve said no to her - not just because he pretty much can’t say no to her, but that’s another story.

She said she wanted to take it slow and that was exactly what they were doing. They didn’t put a label on whatever they had going on, but rather they enjoyed the moment stealing kisses and nights whenever they could.

They would sneak out into each other's rooms late at night, longing to be closer. They would spend hours upon hours tangled in the sheets, loving each other and sharing whatever was on their minds at the time. Making those moments their own amid their borrowed time between destinations. A moment for the two of them.

Luke found it weird at the beginning; hiding their relationship from the world until it became official. But these last few months he could see a change in Y/N, she seemed happier, more open to talking about her feelings and her past. He understood that this was important to her, to live a normal life until she feels ready to share it.

If time is what she needed, time is what she’ll get.

The boys and their girlfriends were all supportive. They too understood the importance of keeping some things private as well as the changes in Y/N’s behavior. They were all happy to see their friend back, just in time for tour.

But it was almost impossible to control what was put in the media. The fans already know who Luke is and that he spends a lot of time with the members of their favorite band. They speculate about his relationship with Y/N, creating rumors that even though he wants to, he can’t confirm nor deny. And when it came to the media outlets, those were much, much worse.

They didn’t say much about him “The privilege of being normal” Said Calum once. But they did have a lot to say about Y/N…

“Y/N L/N is back at it again with a new man?!”

“No tears this time? Y/N L/N Caught smiling and getting cuddly with a member of her team! Can she mix work and pleasure?”

“Serial heartthrob Y/N L/N seen with other men while still refusing to talk about her most recent break-up? Sounds fishy to me!”

“What was she thinking?! Y/N L/N was spotted in an outing with his “new friend” wearing very thin shorts and a crop top. Not so family-friendly apparently”

Horrible things were written about her every day but she ignored them as if they didn’t exist. Luke wished he could do the same.

Every little article, tweet, or comment about Y/N made his blood boil. It was clear that they were completely made up to be some “big news” when the reality was far from that and they kept disrespecting them and their relationship even if it was still on the down-low.

But Luke could not stop reading them. It was addictive how he couldn’t resist clicking on her name every time it popped out, not because of some morbid reasoning behind it, but because those articles seemed to know more about Y/N than Luke himself. People kept talking about a past he didn’t know she had. Were those made up as well? Or are they based on reality? Would he be able to know the difference?

Truth was, he couldn’t. He loves Y/N blindly, he got to know her in one of the most genuine ways but it feels like that is not enough. It’s almost like she is living a secret life he doesn’t get to know.

He wonders when it will end. This seemingly permanent stage of seating on the sidewalk, waiting for the light to turn green so they could walk freely into their relationship. Where people will support them, respect her and let them be happy. But that could never happen when she’s the one who doesn’t want to move.

Luke respects that she is not ready to talk, as she said time and time again. But he just couldn’t comprehend how she, right now, could be so at peace while her name is thrown through the mud and back. Smiling with the boys as they take pictures for promo while management arranges the check-in. Does she not know what they are saying about her or she just accepts it without any retribution?

He was asking himself all these questions as he watched her so happy, his mind tormenting him with a dark cloud over their sunny day. He wants to protect her, but he doesn’t know how or if she would even let him.

And yes, maybe that was selfish of him. Banging on a closed-door with his heart in his hands. But what about the person with the key and the lock? Aren't they a little bit selfish too?

“Hey!” He heard Kat said as she sat beside him, nudging her shoulder against his.

Luke turned to her, his eyebrow still locked in a frown as he muttered a little “hey”

The blonde girl scrunched her nose at him “Yikes, what's happening that it has you all worked up, buddy?”

Luke pressed his lips on a thin line as his eyes traveled back at Y/N. She was laughing at something Ashton had said when she turned to look at him.

Y/N smiled, winking at him as she waved. Luke stared at her for a while, a small smile playing on his lips as he raised his hand in acknowledgment. He could feel his heart skipping a beat every time their eyes met, but the dark feelings in his mind made his expression turn sour the moment Y/N turned around again, something that didn’t go unnoticed by the girl sitting next to him.

“You read them again, didn’t you?” Kat asked, already knowing the answer just by looking at how his shoulders tensed the moment she asked it.

They were all aware of the tabloids and the stories, being a regular occurrence to them, but not for Luke. They all knew this was new to him as well and how overwhelming it might be. So they all tried to ground him as much as possible, not letting him get affected by it as he had before.

“Now why are they saying that?!” He spat as he threw his cellphone on the leather couch, calling the boy's attention.

It was a normal day at the studio. They were all getting lunch as they laid back in the break room while Y/N and their girls went out to get them coffee.

Calum was the first one to speak, confused by his friend's sudden outburst “Uh, what exactly? And who?”

“This!” He said, grabbing his phone and tossing it at Calum. The rest of the boys gathered around as Luke plopped himself down on the couch.

Ashton began to read out loud “Seeing the growing rumors of Y/N’s mystery man, here’s a list of every guy we wished would date her”

“Okay that’s fucked up,” Michael said, swallowing his food.

“It’s better than the last one…”

“What?!” Luke asked, outraged that there are worse things out there.

“Dude, chill,” Calum said, “We understand this is beyond fucked, especially now that you’re dating or whatever. But you getting this angry at it won’t solve anything”

“Won’t solve anything?!” He said in a loud tone “That’s my girl they’re talking about. My girl dating other guys while she’s with me!”

“But they don’t know that,” Michael argued.

Luke shook his head, taking his phone back from Calum’s hands as he started typing furiously.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?! Letting them know that they can go fuck themselves” Luke answered, eyes still on the phone, a second away from pressing send before Calum snatched his phone.

“No!” He said “You are not going to out your relationship without her consent!”

“But-“

“Plus, I already took care of it,” Ashton said, holding his phone up “I tweeted at them telling them how incredibly disrespectful they’re being, now the fans are onto them and I already messaged management to deal with it”

“And that’s it?” Luke’s eyes winded “That’s all you’re gonna do?”

“That’s all we can do right now,” Ashton said with a sigh, sitting next to it “We know these situations suck, they’re horrible and dehumanizing and we are glad more people are realizing just how shitty the media is. But if we respond to every rumor there is it’s going to be a never endless battle, it’s going to backfire. We know, we tried”

“But all the stories are aimed against her” Luke said, running a hand through his face with frustration clear in his eyes “She didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Why do you think that is?” Michael chimed in “Think about Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears… They aim for women because they think are easy to kill”

“Which they’re not. It makes them stronger somehow. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it if I was them” Calum said “Women are stronger than you think when it comes to this, Y/N included”

“We’ve been living with this kind of shit show for years. We defended her with knives and teeth, dragging every single outlet that posted something against her. But that shit only made it worse for her”

“They loved the attention they were receiving” Ashton’s voices laid with sarcasm “Every interaction we had they profited from it, creating even more rumors, one worse than the other, just so they could have the clicks. Eventually, Y/N asked us to stop defending her publicly and she decided to ignore it altogether”

“But we still fight for her, though. We flag the post, demand they take it down, talk to PR and management for damage control, and even sue for defamation a couple of times. She’s never got to go through any of that on her own, we wouldn’t have allowed it”

“And what am I supposed to do, then?” Luke asked, a mix of frustration and desperation filled his voice “Just do nothing?”

“Be there for her” Calum answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world “Support her. Love her. Comfort her. Whatever she needs. She’s a strong woman, one of the strongest we know. But there will come a time when she will have to lean on someone, and you have to be there and ready for her. She trusts you. Don’t let her down”

Kath placed a hand on Luke’s shoulder, understanding the man’s pain.

“I just-“ He said with a sigh “She never reads them, you know? The articles. But I do, I can’t help it. They seem to know more about her than me and that’s just-“

“Fucked?”

“Yeah,” He said as he took a long breath “I don’t know… I’m trying. This is all very new to me and she’s a professional at dealing with this kind of shit. But at the same time, she never tells me anything, how she feels about them or if they’re real or not. It’s fucking me up”

Kat hummed “And I assume you don’t ask her about it either”

The girl crooked an eyebrow at Luke, seemingly seeing through him “I- I don’t want to push”

She sighed and patted his shoulder “Let me tell you something, Luke. From girlfriend of a celebrity to the boyfriend of a celebrity” She started, earning Luke’s complete attention “When I started dating Calum we decided to keep it private, out of the eyes of the media and even from some of his friends. It was good at the beginning, great even! But the heart is ambitious and it always ends up wanting more. We fought a lot during those times, part of us wanting to hold on to what we had but at the same time longing for some kind of freedom. In the end, we did end up going public, as you know. We endure a lot of hate, we still do. But we knew what we were up against, you’re still trying to figure that out. But I’m telling you to know there is something you’re lacking”

“And what is that?” Luke asked with curiosity.

“Communication” Kat smiled sweetly at him “How do you expect to reach a meeting point while you’re sitting here in your own dark cloud and she’s over there with no clue of what’s happening with you and vice versa?”

The blonde girl got up from her seat next to him, giving him one last piece of advice before walking towards Calum “Don’t give up before you try. No one said it was going to be easy but, it’s your choice to see if it’s worth it”

Luke watched her walk away, rousing her arms around Calum’s waist as she smiled sweetly at him, giving him a small peck. Luke smiled at their love.

He thought about their friends, how in love they are with their partners and how free they are to love publicly, facing the retaliations of being in the public eye. But they seemed happy, they were happy. And he realized he wanted that for him and Y/N.

His mind drifted off to the possibility of going public, cleaning the air once and for all. No more “mysterious guy” or “Y/N’s possible secret lover” he’d be Luke Hemmings, the proud boyfriend of singer Y/N L/N. They could be happier, free. They could fight those rumors together and face the stormy weather that would come. He’d defend her until the end of times, protecting her with his life and supporting her in everything she does. He wanted that for them. But it wasn’t his sole choice to make.

“Babe!” He heard Y/N call.

She was walking up to him, a playful smile on her face as the nickname rolled off her tongue. She was wearing one of his hoodies, making her look small as she approached him.

He noticed that her eyes were shining, lately, they always did and he couldn’t get enough of them. He could get lost in her eyes willingly, throwing away the map and making himself home.

He loved her. Oh, he was so in love with her he didn’t even know what to do. The more he thought about it, the more sure he was about wanting to love her freely. He just wished she thought about it too.

“I got our keys” She smiled, pulling two cards out of her back pocket.

“Oh?” Luke asked playfully with a grin drawn into his face “And where am I supposed to sleep this week?”

In order not to create any suspicion about their relationship, they decided that Luke will have his own hotel room on tour - even though everyone knows that’s not where he sleeps or where he wakes up in the mornings. Usually “Luke’s room” is used to store the extra luggage they carry.

Y/N fake pouted “Sadly, Mr. Hemmings. Your room is at the other end of the hall”

Luke gasped “That far away?! Is there any way I can be… closer?”

The girl bit her lip as she rounded her arm around his waist, standing on her tippy toes as she softly whispered in his ear “Let’s see what I can do about that, Sir”

Y/N giggled as she heard Luke let out a soft groan, pecking his cheek with a small kiss as she stood in front of him again “Baby, you’re going to be the death of me” He said, trying to get a hold of her by her waist. But she was quicker, swiftly moving a step back as she started walking towards the elevators. One last look over her shoulder got him grabbing their things as he followed her without any questions.

The elevator ride is quiet, the beating of their hearts being the soundtrack to their wait as they reached their floor. Y/N didn't look at him as she walked towards the door, unlocking it with one swift movement of the wrist and leaving it open for Luke to come in after her.

When he opened the door, she was nowhere in sight. He wondered if she hid somewhere, this not being the first time she would jump and scare the shit out of him. But then, his ears picked up a soft humming coming through the bathroom door, and with a devilish smile he let their luggage at the side of the closet, he locked the door and made his way to her.

Y/N was humming one of her favorite songs when Luke caught her reflection in the mirror but she was not looking at him. She was putting some lotion in her hands, fingers tracing up until her upper arm with barely-there touches.

“Remember we have a party in a couple of hours, Hemmings,” She said when she felt him getting closer “We should get ready soon” He just hummed in agreement, not really paying attention to her words.

Softly, he placed his hands on either side of her hips, pulling her closer to him. Y/N kept ignoring him as she dried the excess of product out of her hands and it wasn’t until Luke pushed away some of her hair and started kissing along her neck that she finally gave him a proper response to his action.

Luke smirked as he felt her let out a shaky breath as his lips traced the shell of her ear, kissing it softly before moving lower and lower, kissing and sucking on her skin as slow as he could, making her tremble under his touch.

“Luke,” She said, holding her breath as she felt his calloused hands travel under the hoodie she was wearing. His hoodie. The one that always smelt like him.

“Hmm?” He asked, not stopping his movements for a second.

“We- uhm” The girl stuttered in a whisper when his hands started touching her over her bra, softly rolling over the nipples and making them hard “We should - oh - we should start getting ready soon”

“We should, huh?” He asked, voice raspy and low “It will be rude to go a little bit late. Wouldn’t it?”

Y/N let out a sigh when his hands left her breasts, trying to regain her breath before she lost it all over again when his fingers started playing with the hem of her jeans.

His fingers wandered carefully, fiddling with the button and zipper until they weren’t an issue. His lips grazed her neck up and down, kissing it softly as his fingertips finally reached her center.

She let out a soft moan when she felt him over her panties, tracing her lips over them and feeling her arousal “I’m sure they could wait a little bit longer” He said as he pressed a finger to her clit over the fabric “We need to take care of a few problems before that, don’t you think?”

He pressed his hips onto her, a soft whimper escaping her mouth when she felt his growing erection against her.

“So wet for me, my love” He groaned as her hand flew to the top of his hair, trying to find balance as she tugged on his curls “Always so beautiful for me”

“Luke-“

He opened his eyes just in time to catch her staring at him through the mirror with a desperate look in her eyes. It took him less than a second to spin her around and press her against the countertop, ceasing his lips into her like she was his last meal on earth.

She tangled her hands behind his head, fingers deep into his hair as he grabbed her by the back of her thighs, easily lifting her off and taking her to the king-size bed where they made sure to lose track of time between kisses and moans as they satisfied their needs with each other, over and over again until they fell through the abyss of pleasure together, whispering sweet confessions as their breath went back to normal.

It was easy to say that they were the last ones to reach the lobby. What was hard for them to ignore was the knowing looks and teasing smiles from their friends that were waiting for them for a good amount of time.

“Don’t say anything” Y/N threatened Ashton as he opened his mouth. But he just laughed

“If you want Luke to walk around with his fly open then sure, I’ll keep my mouth shut”

*

The ride to the party was filled with laughter and chit-chats. They were all in a great mood to finally have a mini-break in between shows and what better way to celebrate it than at a big party?

Luke stole glances from Y/N as she talked to Bethany. She looked beautiful with her black dress, making Luke proud and a little bit snug about him being the one who would take her home afterward.

But he knew that after tonight they needed to talk. And not “talk” like they usually do. No, this time he was going to express his concerns to her, his hopes for them, and confess his love for her over and over again. He wanted her to know how he feels, he needed to know where they stand and what she needs to feel more comfortable and what he can do to help her feel at ease.

He just needs reassurance, something to hold on to while he provides the same for her. In the end, he knew they would be okay.

After a few minutes, they reached the house of the host. Luke marveled at the mansion that stood proudly in front of him. When Y/N mentioned a party with some label associates, she never mentioned that the party was going to be hosted by the president and owner of the label.

He felt Y/N tug on his hand a couple of times before separating herself from him and going to stand next to the girls.

For a moment Luke forgot that they needed to keep appearances and couldn’t be together romantically in public. He could feel his heart aching as he watched her walk away with her friends, laughing together as they stepped into the party.

“Hey,” Michael said behind him, following the eyes of the sad man next to him “It’s just one night”

He tried to be comforting, but all Luke could wonder was: Would it be just for a night?

The party was wild. That’s the first thought everyone has in their minds as they step through those doors into a world of darkness mixed with neon lights, smoke machines, and three open bars scattered around the hall. People were separated into groups: The ones who were too drunk to stop dancing, the ones not drunk enough to start dancing, and the ones who were networking their way into the industry.

Everyone that was someone was at that party. Producers, artists, songwriters, performers, agents… You name it. It was a party for the big leagues and Luke could not help but feel out of place the moment he stepped foot into the scene.

“Hey! 5 Seconds of Summer. C’mere!” A voice called over the music.

Standing not too far from them there was a man, his bald head shined under the lights as he held a drink to his lips, beckoning the band to come over.

Y/N and the guys started walking towards the man without a second to wait, leaving Luke and their girlfriends to witness the interaction from afar.

“Who’s that?” Asked Luke, getting closer to Danielle as they watched their partners laugh with a bunch of men who were now surrounding the band.

“That’s Anthony Kellinghs” She answered, swiftly grabbing a drink from one of the trays carried by the passing waitresses “He’s one of the big bosses in the industry. Ashton said his team approached them not too long ago to see if they would be interested in changing labels and work with them”

Luke glanced back to the group. Y/N was standing next to Calum, talking about something that made Anthony smile even though her face was serious. He did not like the way that man was looking at her.

Anthony laughed loudly, making other guests turn his face towards them. Y/N and the boys shared a confused gaze as they laughed awkwardly along with him. The bald man kept laughing, clearly intoxicated as he lowered his hand and rounded his arm around Y/N’s waist.

Luke’s breath got caught in his lungs as he watched how Y/N’s body movements came to a halt and her eyes widened in discomfort, her smile seemed stiff but she didn't stop laughing or talking to the guy. Luke could feel his blood boil as he watched his girl in the arms of someone else, acting like nothing was happening and that everything was fine, in front of him.

“What the fuck?” He muttered under his breath. Debating on whether he should go and punch that dude in the face. No matter how important he was in the industry, he wanted him away from Y/N immediately.

But he didn’t move and neither did Y/N. Luke didn’t know if it was because she physically couldn’t or because…

No, he rejected that thought immediately. It was clear to him by her eyes that she was desperate to get away from his touch. And apparently not only to him because the moment that man put his hands around her Ashton and Michael called his attention away from her, moving a few steps back so Y/N could have more space to free herself the moment she could. Calum had his eyes on her, too, with his arm placed to his side as if he were to take her away from there at any second.

Yet the man did not move an inch away from her. Instead, his hand trailed lower with every word he spoke, until Luke couldn’t see it anymore. All he could see what’s Y/N’s uncomfortable face as she suddenly jumped forward, fear written all over her eyes.

Luke let out a curse as he took a step forward, ready to beat that man’s face to dust. But he stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Wait!” Danielle said, eyes locked on the scene played in front of them.

Luke stared ahead and let out a breath of relief when he saw Calum taking Y/N away from the group and towards the bar, seemingly excusing themselves to get a drink. He saw how his friend’s arm rounded around her shoulders, making it impossible for her to look back and for anyone else to notice her face as they walked away with no intentions of coming back.

Luke lost sight of them as he watched them disappear into the party. “Good,” he thought “At least she’ll be safe and away from him” But that thought did not calm the rage he felt towards the creep that dared touch her in front of her friends.

“I’m going to kill him” He hissed, once again trying to step forwards but once again being pushed back by Ashton’s girl.

“The guys got it covered,” She said, her sweet voice laced with a warning as she whispered loud enough for only them to hear “They will handle it and make sure they never work with that man, ever. It’s not the first time this has happened”

“This happened before?!” Luke said, attracting some curious eyes to him. But he couldn’t care less about it at the moment.

The girls looked at each other and then at Luke. How could they explain to the man that this happens more times than Y/N would be able to admit? They knew first hand how the industry was full of creeps and disgusting men, having dealt with them in the past as well, but Y/N…

She was the front girl, the main focus of attention. She was beautiful, talented, hot… that’s all they saw, never caring about her caring personality, or how intelligent she was, how she was the driven force of 5SOS. She was more than her looks, she was a girl trying to live her dreams. But men only seem to see one thing.

“I’m going to check on them,” Kat said as she walked towards where Calum disappeared with Y/N. Bethany mentioned going to Michael to try and make them get away from the conversation they were still having with that fucker.

And Luke stood there, not able to do anything “Y/N wouldn’t want you to cause a scene, that’s why the boys never do it anymore. She knows how important image is for all of them and a scandal is the last thing they need right now. Especially if some “random dude” goes and punch one of the biggest names in the industry”

Danielle was right and he hated that. He hated that he couldn’t do anything to defend his girl because she didn’t want to be defended. But the fact that she knew how to handle these kinds of things didn’t make it any less wrong or difficult for him to ignore. More so because their relationship was still kept a secret.

Luke couldn’t help but think that maybe if people knew they were together, things like these wouldn’t happen. After all, the only thing men like Anthony respected was the presence of another man.

Ashton and Michael returned after a minute, both of them with their jaws clenched and eyes filled with the same feeling of powerless Luke felt.

“Where is she?” Ashton asked, standing beside Dani and holding her close by the waist, almost as if he were scared something might happen to her.

“Kat went to check on them, they still haven’t returned,” She said, comforting her boyfriend by running her hand up and down his arm.

“This is bullshit” Luke murmured, frustration lacing his voice as he grabbed one drink from one of the waitresses and drowned it in one go without flinching. He turned around and started walking away from the group.

“Where are you going?” Michael asked, half concerned and half furious from him walking away at this moment.

“I need air” He answered as he took another drink and walked through the garden doors. Not even sparing a glance back when Y/N called his name as she watched him go.

Luke spent most of the night going back and forwards between the main hall and the garden. He drank whatever was being offered to him and sat down on a bench as he watched the casual smokers come outside, accompanying him from a distance.

He knew he was being childish. He didn’t understand much about the industry, nor how people that worked in it were. All Luke knew was that Y/N was nothing like them; she was not greedy, nor was she a creep, she wasn’t evil or ill-hearted and she didn’t deserve what happened.

He wanted to be with her, apologize for his shitty behavior, and tell her that he loved her. Because he did. He loved her with all his heart and it hurts him to see her like that. But every time he stepped through those doors back to the main hall - every time more intoxicated than the others - she was nowhere to be found. Or she didn’t want to be found, but that didn’t stop Luke from looking for her.

And every time, wherever he found her, she would have company. Sometimes she would be with the boys and their girlfriends laughing along with some other group of people - usually men - that stood a little too close and personal with her. Other times she would be on her own, talking to some guy or girl he didn’t know, too preoccupied with her conversation to even notice Luke standing at a distance, looking at her with longing eyes as he tried to find the courage to talk to her.

Then, he would go back to the bar, order his drink and go back outside or with the group, tightening the grip on his glass as he watched the girl he loves being swept away in conversations he couldn’t be a part of, after all, he was just one of the composers and her friend. Nothing else.

The guys and their girlfriends tried to cheer him up, including him in conversations and inviting him to dance. They knew how new this was to him, having to remind themselves every once in a while when they caught his sad eyes dancing across the room on the looks of his fleeting love.

“She came looking for you a few minutes ago while you were outside,” Dani told him the third time he came by the group.

“Why didn’t she go out with me?” He asked, eyes on Y/N as she talked to Michael and one of the producers they met in London a few years back.

“She was going to,” Ashton chimed in “She walked over there but I think Niall caught wind of her and they started to catch up”

Luke clenched his jaw at the thought of Y/N with other men. His mind couldn’t help but to go back to all those articles about her exes, her possible new partners, her possible future partners. Cheating scandals, break-up songs, parties where she didn’t leave alone… All the things she refused to acknowledge came to the surface, hitting Luke in the face as he realized that they might not all be lies.

He hated to think about her that way, to think that he didn’t trust her enough or that she didn’t trust him enough or whatever the fuck was wrong with them. But as he saw how Y/N hugged a stranger, all his thoughts went out the window.

“Who is that?” He asked no one in particular.

“Who?” Bethany asked in response, following Luke’s stare towards her friend “Oh, that’s Josh”

“Josh? As in Josh Benthlow? Her ex?”

Beth furrowed her eyebrows as she saw the look of pure rage on the blonde’s eyes “Uh, yeah? But you got something wrong there” She said, “They never dated”

Y/N laughed at something Josh said, pushing him playfully on the shoulder as he kept telling his story. Luke recognized the look in his eyes; it was the same way he used to look at Y/N when they first met: Pure adoration. And, he didn’t know if it was the alcohol in his system that was making him see things that weren’t there, but he could swear he saw Y/N flirt back at him.

“Friends don’t act like that” He spat, taking another sip from his drink, already losing count of how many he had that night.

“Hey!” Beth called his attention, taking the drink from him “That’s enough now. Alcohol is making you act like a complete asshole”

“I-”

“I don’t care.” She said, interrupting whatever he had to say before he even said it “Look, I get that you’re getting used to all of this. But you need to stop with the jealous act right this instant. She’s famous, yes, they all are and that means that you will have to share her with the world whether you like it or not. It’s her dream after all, and besides Y/N would never do something like that to hurt you and you know it”

Did he?

Not long after the group decided to go back to the hotel, having already stayed at that party longer than necessary given that they have a show the next day. The ride back was quiet, everyone either being too tired to even speak or too smart to try and cut the tension that was being created by the new couple’s behavior. Even when Y/N sat next to Luke he didn’t acknowledge her, keeping his eyes looking outside the window the whole car ride.

Y/N was one of the first ones to get out of the car, walking up to the elevators and not waiting for anyone as the doors closed.

Luke clenched his jaw as he contemplated not going to their room tonight, fighting with the feeling of not wanting to see her and the feeling of never wanting to let her go.

“You need to go there right now,” Calum said, taking a step next to Luke but not looking in his eyes “Having been her friend for so long I can see that she’s upset… Nah, fuck that. Even idiots can see that she’s upset”

Luke scoffed “She’s the one that’s upset?” Voice laced with sarcasm.

Calum hummed “Guess not every idiot can see that” He pressed the button of the elevator and hoped in with Kat, not waiting for Luke as the door closed in his face, but not before saying “You’re not the only one hurting, you know?”

It took another 20 minutes for Luke to open the door of their room. Again, Y/N was nowhere to be seen, but the light coming from under the closed bathroom door let him know that she was there.

He sat at the edge of the bed, hands covering his face as he now wished he hadn't drunk as much as he did. His head was spinning, he couldn’t decipher if it were because of the alcohol or because of his intrusive thoughts that wouldn’t leave his head.

Y/N got out of the bathroom for what it felt like an eternity later. She was wearing her Spongebob pajama and her hair was tied in a messy bun. Her makeup-less face looked tired as she didn’t glance at Luke before sitting by her side of the bed.

They stayed in silence for another five minutes before she decided to speak.

“Are we going to talk about tonight?” She said, voice neutral of any emotion.

Luke scoffed “Now you want to talk?”

She ignored him “I didn’t see you all night, Luke. I was worried”

“Oh, you were?” He mocked with cruel sarcasm as he got up from the bed and started pacing around the room “Funny way to show it you weren’t around!”

“I wasn’t around?! Luke, you spent half the night outside! Every time I came over you were nowhere to be found!”

“And every time I was there you were too busy talking to other people”

“I was working, Luke!” She said with a groan, massaging her temple as she turned to look at him “It’s part of my job to make connections at these kinds of events. And if you didn’t notice, Calum, Ashton, and Michael did the same”

“Well, you must be pretty damn good at your job then!”

Y/N looked at him, shocked by the way he was speaking to her “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Luke was angry at her question. How could she not know? “Why don’t you ask Josh what I mean?”

“Oh my fucking GOD,” She said with the loudest tone he’s ever heard her talk “That’s what this is all about?! He’s a friend!”

“I was a friend, too and we still fucked!” Luke matched her tone of voice, probably waking the people in the room next to theirs.

Y/N laughed humorlessly “You have no right to-”

“And whose fault is that? Huh? Whose fault is that I cannot call you my girlfriend in front of other people? Whose fault is that I have to stand to the side and watch you flirt with every guy on earth just because “it’s your job”?” He asked “Y/N, I’m trying so hard for you to let me in and the only thing you do is push me away! Are you embarrassed by me in any way?”

“No,” She said, finally meeting his eyes and seeing no more anger in them, just an incredible sadness for both of them “No, of course not”

“Then why?” Luke asked, taking a step towards her and cupping her cheek with one hand “Why can’t you let me protect you? Why can’t I be with you freely? I know some things are hard for you to talk about, love. I get that. But I’m drowning here, not knowing what to think or what to say to make you trust me”

Y/N stayed quiet as she looked into his eyes before looking away. Luke sighed.

“We don’t have to talk about this right now. But we’ll have to do it eventually”

“I know,” She said with a string of voice.

“Sorry for the things I said”

“I’m sorry, too”

Luke wanted to kiss her, to comfort her. Even though he is still mad at her, he still has this need to protect her from the wrongs of the world. But she’s got to let him in first.

Instead, Luke placed a kiss on her head and walked towards the bathroom to get changed for the night. When he came back Y/N was already asleep on her side of the bed, her back turned to Luke’s side.

He let out a sigh as he turned off the lights, laying down facing the other side as he murmured a “Good night” Barely missing the soft sniff she gave in response.

The next morning Luke woke up without her by his side. He felt a tug in his heart as he remembered all the things he said to her, the cruel way in which he implied that it was all her fault when both of them had a bit of blame to put in their names. He wouldn’t be surprised if in the middle of the night she decided to leave and sleep somewhere else.

He grabbed his phone from the nightstand, ready to give her a call and apologize properly, hoping she’d pick up. But just as he was about to press the call button, the door opened.

Y/N walked in, sandwich and orange juice in hand. A small smile came to her lips when she saw him already awake.

“Hey,” She said softly, almost like if there were someone else in the room that was sleeping “You missed breakfast, so I bought you this. It’s now much but-“

“Thank you,” Luke said with complete honesty.

Y/N nodded, walking up to his nightstand to place the drink and the sandwich. But before she could walk away again, Luke grabbed her softly by the arm.

“Luke-“

“I’m sorry,” He said, his baby blue eyes looking into hers. He was sad to see no emotion in them compared with how shiny they were yesterday before the fight “I didn’t mean it”

Y/N let out a sigh as she sat on the bed next to him “No, you’re not” She said almost resignedly “And yes, you did. And it’s okay, I deserve it”

Luke shook his head, feeling even worse than before “No, Y/N I was out of place and-“

“You were, but that didn’t make your words any less than truthful. I hurt you, Luke. Even without wanting to” She said with a broken voice, but the tears didn’t come “But I want to change that. Tonight, we can talk after the concert. Okay?”

“I don’t want to pressure you” His hand flew to her face, placing a strand of hair behind her back. She smiled softly and kissed the palm of his hand.

“I know, but I want to” Finally, she got up from the bed and started walking into the bathroom, gathering some of her things. “We’ll start early today with some interviews and sound check, and the girls wanted to go shopping so they’ll meet us there. I will send a car for you before the concert and then we’ll talk. Alright?”

She grabbed her back and headed towards the door, giving Luke one last look and a soft smile before she left.

Luke didn't forget how she didn’t kiss him before she closed the door.

*

The day passed by and Luke was still in their room. He sat in front of the table with his notebook and pen, writing up words that, at that moment, reminded him of her.

He didn’t like how they were acting with each other. How quick everything went to shit after last night’s mistakes when words were louder than actions until those words became apologies.

Y/N said he didn’t mean his apology, and deep down he knew it to be true. He regrets the way he told her, admiring that he would have handled things a little better than he did. But he meant what he said about her pushing him away by not communicating. They were both trying but apparently, they sucked at it.

Truth was, there was no one to blame. Truth was, they were both at fault. And, truth was that he would still fall to his knees for her the moment she asked. Because he had never loved someone as much as he loved her.

When the time of the concert was almost upon him, he quickly jumped into the shower, ignoring all the beeps and rings of his phone as his thoughts and hopes filled his mind. He thought about what he was going to say to her, and he hoped that they could finally get past this and leave this whole situation behind; to start over and just be free.

He was putting on his shirt when his phone started beeping again, finally checking it to see what the fuss was all about.

Thousands upon thousands of notification flooded his screen, and they all said the same thing:

“Y/N AND MADDEN BACK TOGETHER?!”

“THE ENCOUNTER OF THE YEAR! MADDEN BANKS AND Y/N L/N SEEN TOGETHER AGAIN TALKING ON THE OUTSIDES OF THE VENUE”

“OMG Y/N X MADDEN SHIPPER REJOICE AS THE COUPLE SEEMS TO HAVE REKINDLED THEIR RELATIONSHIP AFTER CHEATING SCANDAL”

Luke felt as if an elephant was standing on top of his chest, losing his balance and falling to the bed with his phone in hand, unable to look away from his screen. 

His breathing became elaborated as his eyes filled with tears as he read the tweets and article titles. He knew he shouldn’t click on them. He knew. And yet…

“Lead singer of the band 5 Seconds of Summer, Y/N L/N was last seen talking to her ex-boyfriend, Madden Banks, in a secluded alley outside the venue where the band is going to perform their concert tonight. 

We last saw the couple last year around August when Madden announced their breakup after cheating scandals came out to the surface. None of the parties made any comments about it, but it was set to believe that Y/N was the one who committed the mistakes after a set of tweets on Bank’s personal account where it said that he was feeling “broken-hearted” by the situation and he hoped no one had to get through that ever again. 

Now it seems that the past is the past! As Y/N and Madden were caught by paparazzi talking again, and by the looks on both their faces it seemed like their relationship was not over after all! 

We are still waiting for confirmations from either of them but congratulations to the couple ❤️”

A set of pictures were attached to the article. All of them of bad quality and from questionable sources. 

On the first one, you could see Madden smiling with Y/N’s back facing the camera. On the second one, Madden was closer to her, almost cradling her face as if to kiss her. The third picture had Madden pointing out the paparazzi, a surprised expression plastered on his face as Y/N appeared out of focus. The last picture had Y/N walking away with Madden following behind, both of them with angry faces seemingly for being interrupted. 

Luke was gripping on his phone tightly, a sense of rage coming over him as he wiped his tears furiously and walked up the door. Turning off his phone before he could read Y/N’s message:

Y/N: it’s not true! Let me explain…

*

He did not go to the concert that night, nor did he stay in their bedroom, opting for sleeping in the room that was originally assigned to him. 

His emotions walked him into a bar last night, letting him drown his sorrows in alcohol as he slowly drifted away from his senses. He doesn’t remember getting to the hotel, but he does remember not wanting to be with her that night. Feeling betrayed and used, what was the point? 

It was pretty late when he woke up the next morning, too late for Y/N to even be in the hotel knowing that they still needed to do a lot of press before traveling to their next destination. It was sufficient to say that he was not going to go with them. 

He was about to book a flight when he noticed his phone died while being turned off last night. He was in such a rush that he forgot to bring his charger with him, but he felt confident that it was safe for him to go back to her room now that she was gone. He would pack all his things and leave, he was not about to endure any of this shit anymore, no matter how much it hurts him. 

When he opened the door to her room, however, Luke noticed that he was not alone. 

“You didn’t come last night” 

Y/N was standing by the window, looking at the street through the thin curtain, hoping she might catch a glimpse of Luke walking back to her. She was wearing the hotel’s robe and had her hair tied in a ponytail. Her voice was fragile, tired, and broken as if she spent all night crying. 

“Good,” thought Luke “at least we’ll both be miserable” 

Luke didn’t answer that, instead, he just asked “I thought you’d be doing the press tour” 

She shook her head, her back still facing him as she sniffed “I couldn’t go. I didn’t know where you were” 

He would’ve thought it was touching and he might’ve felt bad for her if she hadn’t shattered his heart the night before. So he said nothing. 

“I needed you last night, Luke,” She said, voice a little firmer as she finally turned around. Luke’s heart ached when he saw her delicate figure, she looked sick, pale, and tired. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was red from all the crying. Part of him wanted to go to her and hold her, but her betrayal was still too fresh on his skin.

Luke scoffed “Sure you did” He didn’t intend for his voice to sound with such malice, but it was almost as if his tongue had a brain on itself “Was Madden not enough?” 

“Stop,” 

“Is he here?” He asked, voice mocking interest as he walked around the room “C’mon Asshole!” He called, opening the closet doors and walking into the bathroom “You won, motherfucker, you can have her! It’s not like it’s hard anyway” 

Her eyes widened at his words, cheeks turning pink at the realization of the insult “Luke!”

“Was this part of your plan?” He asked, turning towards her with nothing but the rage inside his eyes “To bring me here to make him jealous? To make me fall for you so easily? Is that why we never went public? Ha! Should’ve known you just wanted a free pass to whore around while still making sure you have a secure fuck waiting back at the hotel” 

Y/N froze. Not even Luke could believe the words that were coming out of his mouth, but he was too far gone in his own anger to process them or to take them back. 

“This is the part where you apologize,” She said, eyes filling with tears she refused to spill. 

“No, this is the part where I tell you to fuck off” Luke spat, taking a step towards her, not realizing how she flinched as she took a step back “You know, I tried so fucking hard for months to make you happy. And every day I read those fucking articles that were talking shit about you and every fucking day I told myself that those weren’t real. That you weren’t like that… surprise, surprise! Looks like the cat is out of the bag. Makes sense! That’s why you never wanted to talk, you never wanted to admit to what you did because you never take any fucking responsibilities for the damages you cause! I thought I knew you, at least some parts of you. Turns out everyone is right about you. Every fucking word of it” 

He turned around, ready to grab his things and go, but the adrenaline was kicking in and he just couldn’t stop.

“Tell Madden that he’s an idiot for taking you back,” He said with his back turned to her “That he should’ve left your cheating ass alone. Let you get what you deserve”

“I never cheated” She mumbled, voice barely above a whisper. 

He scoffed “Yeah, right” 

“I never fucking cheated!” Y/N raised his voice, making Luke turn around to face her. Her face was red with tears and she had her fist clenched to her sides, knuckles white from all the pressure she was putting in.

“I never cheated on Madden! I never fucking cheated on you! On anyone! He cheated on me, repeatedly and with several people for all the course of our relationship! I never touched a person outside ANY of my relationships. I have been nothing but faithful to you and now you’re throwing that shit at me without knowing an ounce of my side of the story?! 

You want to know, Luke, why I never tell the story as it was? Why it’s so fucking hard for me to tell the story even to the people I love?” 

It was a challenge, he knew from the look in her eyes that she was not going to stay quiet any longer. She didn’t even wait for his answer. 

“I was fucking abused, Luke! Physically, mentally, sexually… you fucking name it! During that whole relationship. Want me to tell you the details or you could figure it out yourself?! I was getting beaten almost daily! I had to hide the bruises and cuts in front of the guys as they slowly watched me fall apart. I had to lie to them for YEARS because I genuinely thought he loved me. He said he did so I believed him. It wasn’t until one night where he got too far that I had to tell myself that it was enough. But what could I say? I was so fucking embarrassed I couldn’t go to the media that calls me a liar every chance they have! I couldn’t go to the police because he has money and could easily get away with it! I was so fucking alone until I met you and… You took his side” 

Luke felt like his heart was taking a punch with every word that she said. Every tear that fell off her eyes was like a knife in the back. The guilt was eating him inside out, crashing into him like a tsunami. He should’ve kept his mouth shut, he shouldn’t have let his emotions take the reins, he should’ve... He felt all of his emotions turn to mush, all but shame as he stared into her eyes knowing he was the one who fucked up. 

“Y/N-“

“I needed you last night when he cornered me. I needed you by my side as I broke down backstage because you weren’t answering your phone. How do you think I felt when I came into our room and found it empty? I was ready to tell you everything and then you just decided that wasn’t worth it anymore. That I wasn’t worthy anymore. All without giving me a chance” She cried, shattering sobs running through her body as she remembered the feeling of hopelessness she had “Not only that, but I come to find this on your side of the bed”

She threw his notebook at him, he didn’t need to open it to know what she read. Already regretting leaving it there. 

“Sometimes, you're a stranger in my bed

Don't know if you love me or you want me dead.

Some days, you're the best thing in my life

Sometimes when I look at you, I see my wife

Then you turn into somebody I don't know

And you push me away

Fight so dirty, but your love's so sweet

Talk so pretty, but your heart got teeth

Late-night devil, put your hands on me

And never let go” 

She recited the words by memory, having read them over and over again as she waited for him to come back.

“Is that really how you see me, Luke?” She asked, voice broken as she looked into his eyes. 

Luke felt his body tremble with shame as he looked at her. He has never seen her look so sad and fragile before, the smile he loved so much was gone and he knew he might never see it again. He wanted to scream that that’s now how he saw her at all. Those words were written out of frustration, out of anger. He wanted to tell her that she’s the most amazing, loving, strong, intelligent person he know but... how could he even look her in the eyes?

He knew that he went too far. That he should’ve given her a chance to explain what happened instead of just letting the media fill his brain with lies; lies he believed without question because of his insecurities. He broke the strongest girl he’s ever known, but she was still standing. 

Despite the hurt, he caused her, she was still standing in front of him. Demanding answers he doesn’t know how to give. Still being so much braver than him.

“Y/N, I-“ He began, voice breaking as he was left speechless. How could he ask for her forgiveness now that he broke every ounce of trust she held for him? 

“Luke, I think you should leave,” She said, rounding her arms around her torso as she looked back at the window. Unable to hold her gaze to him any longer. 

“No,” Luke begged of her. Pleaded, even “Y/N, baby don’t-“ 

“Leave” She repeated more firmly “If I’m such a monster, the best thing we can do is for you to go home” 

She turned her back to him once again, and he knew that he had just lost the battle he was too scared to even fight.

Y/N cried silent tears as she heard him gather his belongings and pack his bags, feeling as if she might collapse into the floor if she weren’t holding herself too tightly. If she concentrated, she could hear him cry, too, until he closed the last of his bags and walked through the door.

Because, after all, he would still go to the ends of the world if she asked.

.

.

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