#lucy kensington

[delaneytalks-tostatues]

I need Sophie Green, Gideon Nav, and Dr. Edison Tucker in a room together so desperately

Similarly I need Jane Gonzalez, Harrowhark Nonagesimus, and Lucille Kensington in a room together as well

[doctor-alana-maxwell]

happy birthday lucille kensington everything castiel said in lionsgate 6 was correct. best wishes

[paper-land]

I would have just owned a seam ripper. Sorry Lucy and Ed, I guess I’m just built different.

[raindrop-plop]

decidedly unhappy put with my ed design but sharing anyways

[vicioustoker]

as someone who also suffers from leg pain that gets triggered by walking and needs to take frequent breaks this scene is so special to me <3 i love lucy a normal amount

[darkacademiaarchivist]

i just started s3 of where the stars fell and just... Ed and Lucy's dynamic... they're so affectionate my poor sapphic heart can't take it.

they're literally one of my favourite couples in media right now aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[madigoround]

I have a headcanon that despite being a small town Jerusalem has a pride parade which Lucy and ed go to together and then in July ed goes to town council and gets them to have another month of festivities for disability pride month and maybe the town gets a grant for the use of new accessibility options which results in something like ed building new covered benches for around town to give people with physical disabilities a chance to stop and rest and Lucy working with Sufi to create an app that can take a picture of something and then read it out to you if your preferred language and they have pictures from both months activities on the fridge

[traeumenvonbuechern]

If you like The Locked Tomb, listen to these podcasts!

Where The Stars Fell:

Dr. Edison Tucker is having a very weird life. Not being able to die tends to color things that way. Lucille Kensington is the literary scene’s biggest enigma. That’s just the way she likes it. When the pair find themselves sharing a cabin in the strangest town in America— Jerusalem, OR— they’re prepared for a housemate situation from hell. What they’re not expecting is tidings of a stranger sort: Ed is the antichrist, Lucy her guardian angel, and if they can’t find a way to work together soon, the rapture is set to take first the town, then the world… but neither of them know that yet. Welcome to Jerusalem, OR, where what doesn’t kill you is just another mystery.

The creators have a whole post on why WTSF is perfect for The Locked Tomb and Griddlehark fans!

Malevolent:

Arkham Private Investigator Arthur Lester wakes up with no memory of who he is or what has happened, only a nameless, eerie voice guiding him through the darkness. Blind, terrified, and confused, his journey will lead him towards a series of mysteries in the hopes of understanding the truth of what has transpired. As cosmic horrors seep into the world around, Arthur must ask himself whether this entity truly seeks to help him, or are its intentions more… malevolent?

Dathen says it perfectly here: "The relationship between the investigator and the voice is by far the #1 sell of this story. It’s messy and ugly and beautiful and complicated and terribly, wonderfully intimate. It ended up overlapping a lot of my feelings about Harrow and Gideon, and lyctorhood in general."

Hello From The Hallowoods:

Come walk between the black pines! In this award-winning queer fiction podcast, a cosmic narrator follows the increasingly connected residents of the forest at the end of the world. It's a bittersweet story that explores queer identity, horror genre tropes, and finding hope in humanity's last moments.

If you like Gideon Nav, you will love Riot Maidstone. Just look at this fanart!

[ravenadottir]

islanders' data and anecdotes if they were honest:

SEASON 1

❝ main character ❞ she's the only one that makes any sense

❝ allegra ❞ 24, swansea, cocktail entrepreneur, the public loves to hate her

❝ erikah ❞ 20, norwich, jobbing actor, she changes, every guy will be the love of her life until a new guy comes around

❝ jen ❞ 22, london, fashion blogger, the equivalent of a piece of paper until she couples up with someone for clout

❝ talia ❞ 23, watford, music journalist, she's the only one everyone agrees is the best person here

❝ jake wilson ❞ 29, preston, chef, chicken shit that waits way too long to say something

❝ mason❞ 24, romford, musician and underwear model, if "this could've been an email" was a person

❝ miles ❞ 22, glasgow, carpenter, not interesting enough to remember. also tattoo

❝ tim ❞ 23, truro, dj, alright, we'll allow it

❝ jasper ❞ 26, kingston, financial advisor, straight to the bin

❝ levi ❞ 26, manchester, professional water polo player, sock balls

❝ rohan ❞ 23, wolverhampton, psychology student, he joined the villa and that's pretty close to the circus. also, see "injustice"

❝ cherry❞ 20, suffolk, west end performer, try hard

❝ reese taylor ❞ 22, birmingham, newsagent by day, professional wrestler at weekends, revolting lack of personality

❝ sammi ❞ 22, london, graphic designer and artist, the definition of 'wasted potential"

❝ lucy ❞ 25, bristol, “adventurer”, *snake sounds*

❝ returning miles ❞ 22, glasgow, carpenter, we still don't care

❝ returning jasper ❞ 22, kingston, financial advisor, at least we found out he has a pet snake

SEASON 2

❝ hope ❞ 26, london, brand ambassador, '‘voted “most likely to be the center of the drama because she puts herself there"

❝ lottie ❞ 24, melbourne, makeup artist, i have one personality trait and that's all you're gonna get

❝ main character ❞ she should change her name to 'girl #5'

❝ hannah ❞ 21, st. albans, social media assistant, she went home really soon because she was so shy, we're sure that's not gonna bite anyone in the face

❝ marisol ❞ 24, portsmouth, law student, talks too much/says nothing at all

❝ gary rennell ❞ 23, chatham, crane operator, SLUT

❝ noah ❞ 25, romford, librarian, QUIET SLUT

❝ rocco ❞ 21, belfast, owns a “cocktails and cronuts” food truck, LYING SLUT

❝ ibrahim ❞ 22, birmingham, gold player, SHY SLUT

❝ bobby mckenzie ❞ 24/26, glasgow, hospital caterer, does impressions and bakes some stuff

❝ priya ❞ 29, manchester, estate agent, should've noticed she's bi during the fucking season

❝ henrik ❞ 23, isle of wight, climbing and wilderness survival instructor, shiny and dumb/smooth brain/nothing behind those eyes

❝ lucas koh ❞ 27, oxford, physiotherapist, yes

❝ chelsea ❞ 23, buckinghamshire, interior decorator, there's pink and there's champagne

❝ jakub zabinski ❞ 25, rochdale, personal trainer and fitness model, real life mutant ninja turtle but like white

❝ elijah ❞ 26, watford, hairdresser and model, he's there and then he's not

❝ felix ❞ 21, rotherham, nightclub promoter, annoying little cousin that grows up to be the annoying little virgin at the club

❝ kassam ❞ 26, new castle, techno dj, if you blink you might miss him

❝ graham ❞ 23, devon, commercial fisherman, ginger thanos

❝ arjun ❞ 24, norwich, dog groomer and influencer, "where's my hug?" kind of guy

❝ carl ❞ 29, dublin, tech entrepreneur, he's almost learning how not to sound like a robot

❝ shannon ❞ 24, dublin, professional poker player, "you'll forgive how annoying she can be because of her body"tactics, players, poker analogies all the time"

❝ blake ❞ 22, kensington, if you blink you won't miss her because she's so goddamn annoying

❝ elisa ❞ 22, london, social media influencer, the human form of a gear shift because of all the blame she shifts

❝ jo ❞ 23, cheshire, bmx racer, was here for only three days and it was still too long

❝ returning henrik ❞ 23, isle of wight, climbing and wilderness survival instructor, absolutely not the same person and it gets worse

❝ returning lucas ❞ 27, oxford, still a physiotherapist, "toxic fucks"

❝ returning hannah ❞ now 22, st. albans, she resented lottie so much she became her

[delaneytalks-tostatues]

Okay obviously from a Griddlehark standpoint Lucy is the Necro and Ed is the Cav like. Personalitywise that's how they fit Lucy = Harrow and Ed = Gideon

Plus Lucy being able to use Ed like a battery is a very Necro thing

BUT. LUCY IS THE GUARDIAN ANGEL WITH A SWORD. EMPHASIS ON GUARDIAN. Like that is THE Cav thing.

Ed doesn't get a cool sword she has her divine shield or smthn (im relistening rn bc I'm hazy on details) which is SUCH a Necro thing

Anyway my gf and I think that they'd be the ones who are both technically Necromancers but say "fuck the binary we are BOTH learning to protect EACH OTHER" and they're able to work rlly well together by not limiting each other to one or the other

AND they also both have no interest in lyctorhood because immortality is unappealing to them!! Who wants to live forever??? Watching everyone and everything you love whither and die??? They want to grow old together!!!

They do go to Canaan House to catch up on the gossip with everyone else but they're not in it to win they're just bored.

(Ed would make endless jokes about Lucy eating her once the secret of lyctorhood is spilled though)

[katey76762]

Favorite female podcast characters

 Okay I know it’s almost the end of International Women’s Day, but I wanted to list my favorite podcast ladies 

Evelyn from Less is Morgue

Antigone Funn from Wooden Overcoats

Dr. Marella Morgan from Primordial Deep

Talia from Desperado

Sister Carpenter from The Silt Verses

Dusty from Starship Q Star

Gayle Kruger from Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Free Mason

JJ Armstrong from Mockery Manor

Kilner from We Fix Space Junk

Madge Stallion from Fawx & Stallion

Tamika Flynn from Welcome to Nightvale

Lily Harper from Unwell

Helina from Windfall

Mahira Varma from Valence

Collette Guise, Ariadne Culver, Clytemnestra Seedeater, and Jenny Ostertag from the Kingmaker Histories  

Mama Gabe, Ed Tucker, Sufi, Lucy Kensington from Where the Stars Fell

Daughter Dooly, Polly Barrow, Granny Underwood, The Walker Sisters & the Dead Queen from Old Gods of Appalachia

In conclusion:

[edwinspaynes]

I miss the London Institute in 1903.

I miss Matthew and Alastair and Thomas and Cordelia and James and Grace and Christopher and Ari and Anna and Lucie and Eugenia. I miss DILF Will and his Tessa-shaped pearl without price, too.

I miss light academia and picnics in parks and sledding parties and balls and the Hell Ruelle and Paris seances and Kensington Gardens and the Louvre and 102 Cornwall Gardens and 48 Curzon Street.

I miss Cordelia's bravery and Thomas's resilient kindness and fortitude. I miss Alastair's deep untethered love and Matthew's wit and wonder and ability to see the beauty in everything.

I miss Cordelia's globe necklace and Matthew's signet ring and Alastair's daggers and I miss their perfect waistcoats and deep-hued dresses. And I miss their jokes and their laughter and their little family dynamics that really stab at your heart when they want to.

I miss Thomas and Alastair talking all night long and kissing in carriages and insisting that they each deserve love and care. I miss James and Cordelia playing chess and talking about going to Constantinople. I miss Matthew's bright smile and mercurial moods, and his passion and learning that he should not seek to destroy himself because he is wonderful.

I miss lovely character arcs and beautifully-developed relationships. I miss Nothing but Shadows and Cast Long Shadows and Every Exquisite thing and the Midnight Heir. I miss the Penultimate Hours and the Letter Game. I miss Chain of Gold and Chain of Iron and Chain of Thorns.

I miss long nights of theorizing.

But more than anything, I miss The Last Hours by Cassandra Clare. Because that series is beauty, it is art, it is color.

[bubbl3zdaseaotter37]

Whumptober 2024

No. 8: SLEEP DEPRIVATION

Isolation Chamber | Forced to Stay Awake | "Leave the lights on." (Coldplay, Midnight)

A/N: Here we are with another prompt that was over a week ago! I'm glad I could finally finish this one, even if I wish I had more time to revise. But the days have really started to fly, now that I’m so far behind. Wish me luck as I play catchup this weekend!

I’ve always been surprised by the genuine lack of fics from Lockwood’s POV about the time during the Black Winter.  I’ve seen a few good ones out there, but they always feel so few and far between!  So here I am, filling that need, because what else do you do as a fic author?  Enjoy the angst, my fellow Locknation friends.  A happier fic is on the way!

It was the morning after a case, and the sun had just begun its tedious climb into the sky, despite the later hours of the morning.  A cold fog hung like a blanket on all of London as Holly and I wearily descended the stairs from the Wilmington’s squat, Kensington townhouse.  A short way down the street, illuminating the fog, flashed the emergency lights of a DEPRAC van.  I pulled my favorite, long, black coat tighter against the chill.

“Well, I don’t know about you, Holly, but I’m ready to go home,” I said to break the silence, putting on a grin despite the fatigue that had settled into my every limb.  I hoped that if I put enough cheer into that smile, it might make the lingering chill in my muscles fade away.

Things certainly could have gone smoother if I my thoughts hadn’t wandered in the oppressive solitude of the basement right before the spectre’s death loop passed through the ground floors to its source, but Holly and I had located the source all the same.  Well, not without several close calls, a misplaced rapier, and a twisted ankle, but wasn’t that the charm of our company anyways?  We get the job done, despite the hardships.

“Yes, but we still haven’t talked about you,” Holly replied, a hint of annoyance in her voice.  Such a tone was unusual with our perky assistant, but I thought that maybe the constant running about was wearing her down.  We were all a little tense that horrible winter.

“About me?” I repeated defensively, stopping before the curb.  The red and blue lights from the siren bounced off Holly’s peeved, disheveled stare.

“Lockwood, you almost fell asleep,” she exclaimed. “During a case!”

“I did not ‘fall asleep.’ I thought I heard someone call my name and got distracted.”

Holly shook her head, lips pressed together tightly.  “You heard wrong.  Since when were you a Listener, anyways…?”

My stomach twisted painfully, and I saw the immediate look of regret on Holly’s face.  Neither of us spoke for a long moment.  I tried to ignore the insistent headache that had been lingering in my temples since the previous day, and only gotten worse in the night.  None of us had dared speak about Lucy since that morning I had found George in a kitchen chair, foggy glasses resting on the table beside a crumpled note.  It had turned into another unspoken rule.  Don’t talk about the upstairs room.  Don’t ask what happened to Robin.  Don’t mention Lucy, ever.

I had tried avoiding thinking about it as much as possible.  George and Holly’s avoidance of the topic made it easier, but after hearing that painfully familiar voice in the basement last night… Holly was right, I wasn’t a Listener, but it was like something in me had been certain Lucy had been there, just taking a short break and checking up on Holly.  Maybe it had been the effects of the haunting, or maybe I had really drifted away for just a moment.  Either way, I hurriedly shoved the thoughts away again, behind the wall where I kept all the memories I didn’t dwell on.

“Lockwood?”

Holly’s voice surprised me out of the reverie I had slipped into, and I realized that my eyelids had been about to fall shut.  My vision swam, I swayed slightly where I stood, and I was so focused on not suddenly losing my balance that all that I managed to give in reply was an absent hum.

“I apologize, I just…” A pause.  I looked at Holly, confused by her hesitation, to find her staring at me with evident concern, eyebrows drawn together. “Are you alright?”

“Of course,” I managed, squaring my shoulders and putting on another bright smile. “Just a little tired.  Our cab should be here soon anyways.  Then we’ll lock the source up in the vault and take it to the furnaces with our next batch.”

Quietly, Holly gave her assent.  The two of us stood in silence again, watching the figures bustling about the house across the street, veiled in fog, like a parade of somber shadow children.  The pounding in my head grew more intense with every flash of the emergency lights, so I averted my gaze, took to staring at the scuffed toes of my shoes.  I must have drifted off yet again, because in the next I knew, tires crunched to a stop on the pavement in front of me, and Holly was tossing one of our duffel bags in the back seat.

I bent down to grab the second bag, only for my vision to tilt sickeningly, grayed out on the edges.  Stumbling sideways, my foot slipped on the curb, and I hit my head on the cold, metal side of the cab.  Holly was there in an instant, eyes wide, grasping my arm tightly and speaking words I hardly registered from the way my head was throbbing, both from hitting it and my now significantly more noticeable headache.

“—ou hear me?”

I caught a fragment of what she was saying, and a flash of movement in the corner of my eye.

“Lockwood?”

With a grunt, I rubbed the spot on my head as I stood up with Holly’s help.

“Can you hear me?  Are you okay?”

“’M fine…” I said, feeling every tiny ache in my body.  I had been running on fumes for who knew how long, and now it was catching up with me.

Despite my assurances, Holly half-dragged me to the bottom step of the house, where I sat heavily.  Without my realizing, my head lolled to the side, until my sluggish thoughts had enough presence to wonder why the houses across the way had tilted.  I blinked hard, shaking my head to clear the fog from my mind.

“Lockwood, when was the last time you slept—?”

I blinked again, took a moment to process the question, then gave my assistant my most placating smile.  “Don’t be ridiculous, Holly.  I got a wink right before this case.”

She stared at me skeptically.  “And those bags under your eyes are the proof.”

“Those are always there.  I keep them around to carry the weight of my responsibilities,” I replied dryly.

“Lockwood—”

Before she could finish, a man – later I discovered that Holly had instructed our cabbie to fetch help – came running up to us, with a DEPRAC officer, a paramedic, and several Fittes agents clad in their distinctive, grey uniforms.

“Wha—?”

The paramedic crouched down in front of us and began rapidly asking questions, flashing a torch in my face, and throwing open a fluorescently colored first-aid kit.  My mind buzzed, and the light only exacerbated my now throbbing headache.

“I’m alright, just hit my head,” I said, hoping that was enough information to appease them. After another moment of fussing after me, the paramedic decided I was being truthful and began to pack up her things again.  Behind her, the two Fittes agents whispered to each other, while the officer checked his watch impatiently.  When they had returned to their own scene, I let out a peeved sigh.

“Great, now Kipps will hear about this,” I grumbled, imagining the jibes he would come up with about the whole affair.  Yes, a certain understanding had passed between us since the case at Aikmere’s, a ceasefire of sorts, but that did not end the sardonic comments every time we interacted since then.  There was still a fundamental difference in the way our agencies operated, and consequently, our values also clashed.

Holly huffed, stood up, and dusted off the front of her dress.  “The perfect reason for you to get some actual sleep,” she replied. “Now, if you’re not about to pass out again, I suggest we go home.”

Gratefully, I took her offered hand, trying not to wobble too much as I stood and strolled with Holly to our cab.  As we were greeted by our mildly confused driver, I stared out at the early London sky, a painting of pale pinks and golds, wondering if Lucy was doing the same.

[anonymoushouseplantfan]

Episode 4

Royal wedding montage. No, Samantha Cohen didn’t tell you some weird Rainbow Fish story. That did not happen. 

Voices of journalists talking about how amazing she is and how she is going to change the family for the better. I guess the royal coverage is good…as long as they say nice things.

“I don’t know how I was so calm.” Drugs, Meghan. It was drugs. 

Wedding crowds montage. Same song as Four Weddings and a Funeral because these two think they are living a rom com. Celebrities attending the wedding. International coverage. Amal and George and the Beckhams. Will and Harry. No one mentions that it was Wallis Simpson’s car. She didn’t talk about the “real” wedding three days before.

There was no expectation, Harry. You were supposed to get married in Craithie Kirk because you were a man of the people. That was the first story that came out.

CWK talks about the dress. Doesn’t mention the Commonwealth flowers in the veil. No mention of the tiara drama or the egg debacle either. 

Bold choice going with the vampire bride shot. Yes, KC was important to you Meg. He single-handedly saved your train wreck wedding. Lots of discussion about the Kingdom Choir and no one mentions that they perform at all the Commonwealth events. 

They sold their wedding pics, just like Peter. They are soooooo tacky. They laugh about cutting the cake with the sword. That wedding cake was truly symbolic, a priceless collection of gold pedestals propping up a mediocre confection. Her mom ditched her for the celebs. That is hilarious. Of course she did.

Interesting that Meghan hasn’t looked happy once during this whole documentary, but she sounds truly joyful when talking about the wedding. That was the highlight of her life. 

Kate’s face in the wedding pictures is everything. Says it all. I wonder if Meghan sold a Kate pic. I haven’t seen one yet. Never mind, I just rewound and, sure enough, she did.

Interesting how they are appropriating narratives—she’s a hugger, writing in a new character, modernizing—that were created by the tabloids. Every single word this Archewell guy is saying was written by Camilla Tominey, Andrew Morton, or Valentine Low. He is parroting the royal experts Harry was mocking last episode.

Train trip with the Queen. Why does she wear a necklace in some shots, but not in others? They are splicing different interviews and using filters to make it look line one interview. This section was edited into incomprehensibility after the death of the Queen.

Grenfell. LOL, she makes it sound like she was in the UK when the tragedy happened. Wild. I like the Grenfell ladies but why are they spending time on this and not covering her current charities? 

Bitching about Nott Cott, which actually looks super cute. “I don’t know who lived here before.” Your brother, the heir, lived there before, Harry. You know that.

 That’s how she decorated it? Pottery Barn circa 2001? No wonder her domestic goddess career never took off. All of this just to upgrade from 2000s Pottery Barn to 2014 Restoration Hardware? But….they weren’t living in Nott Cott. They rented a Cotswolds farmhouse before the wedding and lived there until moving to Frog Cott. That’s why all these pics are of them getting dressed. They were just using Nott Cott to prep for London events. 

Wait, did they just bitch about their multi-million cottage in Kensington Palace being too small right after the Grenfell segment? Yes, they did. Wow.

Pregnancy. She sold her sonogram pictures. Australia. You weren’t showing already, Megs. There was no bump. Cue shots with no bump. This is epic gaslight. We can clearly see she’s not showing, but they flat out say she was.

Lol, she wasn’t that popular. Her polls peaked at 41% net approval after the wedding and dropped like rocks. And Australia wasn’t the turning point, Lucy. It was her dad talking to the media all summer long. Isn’t Lucy Harper a pr person? Shouldn’t she be able to interpret polling data? Headlines about how popular she was…including the 2018 Time’s Most Influential List, which is hilarious because they were sandwiched between Donald Trump and Saudi Arabia’s MSB. Yeah, the royals were really jealous of that. OMG, they show Meghan’s covers and its…Woman’s Day and Hello! Canada. One of the headlines is “Freddy Mercury’s Secret Wife.” 

Wait, now he’s happy because the media put Meghan on the front pages? They have a very strange relationship with the media. Hold on, he thinks Meghan outshone The Queen? Seriously?????? He thinks the frumpy brocade dress outshone The Queen? I remember calling that a hater cover because Meghan looked so terrible in it. No one thought she overshadowed The Queen. Literally, no one. 

Archewell guy speaking again.  He seems to think that the royals, who were desperately trying to cover up the epic disaster of the Australian tour—which included insulting the Australian government house, exaggerating an incident with a faulty heater, assaulting an embassy employee, walking out of a United Nations event, making a staffer cry in front of a reporter, wearing jewelry gifted by an allegedly murderous despot, and trolling her father by saying he hadn’t paid for her college—were jealous of how “well” she did in Australia. This is delusional.

Lol, now they are bitching about avocados. It wasn’t the avocados. It was her dad. They just jumped from blaming the royals for the bad press to blaming racism. First The Queen was jealous, then the staff were scared, then the media was racist and giving Kate better press…I’m getting whiplash. Pick a villain, guys! I can’t follow this argument at all. The Queen was upset because Meghan stole her Woman’s Day cover with Freddie Mercury’s secret wife so she leaked stories about Meghan’s favorite perishable fruit and the evil tabloids turned that into the racialized avocados of death? Whaaaaaat????? I love how Harry throws up his hands and says “well, if you can’t see it, I can’t do anything for you.” See what? None of this makes any sense.

BTW, they used the “Hurricane Meghan” headlines even though Meghan told Oprah she hadn’t heard about that. The Oprah interview also implied she never knew about the bump-holding headlines and they used those in the documentary too. Oprah read them to her and Meghan acted as if it was the first time she was hearing about it. The only headlines Meghan, according to their statements during the Oprah interview, was supposedly aware of were the “made Kate cry story” and the avocado story, and she laughed at the avocado story.

Walkabout in Liverpool. A member of the public scolded her about her dad. See? The problem was her dad. Harry and Meghan, however, blame family lies and the tabloids. Her dad was giving interviews right and left, and people were watching him in real time, complaining about how he was treated.  No one in the palace was leaking this. No one was lying about it. He was out there, giving interviews to anyone with a couple of bucks because he wanted to explain that he did actually pay for her school. Her sister was doing the same thing.

And here’s the Diana 2.0 stuff. Wait, she was going to kill herself…over the racialized avocados of death? I paused to re-read the transcript of the Oprah interview because I remembered the suicidal ideation story as being a lot more sympathetic than “the Kate story and the avocados made me want to end it all.” In that interview, they start with the tabloid stories, but then Oprah asks her whether she felt lonely and she talks about Harry working all the time and being all alone. She talks about not being able to leave the house and see her friends and also about the tours being exhausting and having to smile through it all. She also claims there were talks about Archie not being a prince and not getting security and how that was stressing her out. Then she talks about people being concerned about Archie’s skin color and then she talks about her suicidal ideation. That kind of emotional build-up is what Oprah brings to the table. That’s why she gets the big bucks. Here, they just jump from “our Australian tour was super successful” to “mean tabloid stories about Kate and avocados” to “I just didn’t want to live anymore,” and it’s not as powerful, particularly since the behind-the-scenes pictures they keep showing us are all happy pictures. 

Also, we skipped over the big show of support at Sandringham.  And Doria can also do the “one tear, left eye” trick. It must be genetic.

She wasn’t allowed to get help? Girl, they knew you were nuttier than a fruitcake. They would have sent you to a shrink in a hot minute. And they weren’t afraid about how it would make the institution look. Harry admitted to going to therapy and it went fantastic. James Middleton went to therapy too. They put up pics of Megs looking sad…and they are all from events that happened afterwards.

The households separated because of leaks? Bullying isn’t even going to get mentioned? No, it isn’t, and neither is the big social media campaign KP did to support Meghan.

I’m blown away by the fact that all this drama is about a story about bridesmaids’ dresses. The Oprah Winfrey interview was motivated by this one story about making Kate cry. The Archetypes podcast was about the story about making Kate cry. They made a six-hour Netflix documentary about a story about making Kate cry. There is now an entire subgenre of royal coverage based on Princess Charlotte’s bridesmaid attire. This one story has been living rent-free in Harry and Meghan’s heads since Fall 2018.

Harry keeps talking about trading stories and not playing the game. He totally planted the Rose Hanbury affair story as revenge for the “made Kate cry” story. Absolutely,

Happy Nott Cott Christmas.  She wasn’t allowed to text photos? Lol, you weren’t texting photos bc you were saving them for Netflix.

People Magazine article. I guess these were the friends working with the magazines. Wasn’t their privacy super important? Weren’t they in danger if their identities were revealed? That was the argument that was presented under oath to the court. Now it turns out she was just saving the reveal for the Netflix special. Baby shower. OMG, Amal Clooney making floral arrangements, wtf? Backlash because of course. 

They are gifted Frogmore Cottage. Archie’s birth. Vintage footage about royal births. She had a long-standing relationship with her UK doctor? How? Seriously, how? They couldn’t do the photocell at Portland Hospital? Didn’t Fergie do it at Portland? Twice?

Birth announcement drama. The problem wasn’t that you broke protocol, Meghan. The problem was that CBS got the exclusive and you lied to the press about the birth. They bring in academics to say it was about racism because of course.

Archie. They took a picture of the nanny with the baby in a mud cloth carrier, lol.

South Africa with Archie. They couldn’t do a hospital photocall with the baby, but now they are taking him on tour. Doria just said “it’s not the institution’s baby, it’s her baby,” but they are taking him on an official tour. They can’t be expected to serve their child on a silver platter for literally two minutes, but they can take him on a week-long tour. I had to double-back and check the dates because I felt this wasn’t nearly as jarring and contradictory when it happened, and it wasn’t. The tour was several months after the birth and they had already taken the baby (who was supposedly too young to fly to Balmoral for the summer) to Ibiza. They way they presented it in the documentary, however, sounded ridiculous.

BTW, no coverage of the Vogue magazine, Smartworks capsule collection, the summer vacations at Elton’s house, the private planes, etc…. All of these were roundly criticized (well, not the Smartworks capsule) and yet the only story that matters is the Kate story.

Lol, the Archewell guy just admitted the royals were afraid Meghan would cause an international row during this tour. Not afraid that she would embarrass the royal family with her activism, noooooo. Afraid she would cause an international row.

Tutu. Wasn’t this footage intrusive two episodes ago? Make up your minds, guys! Tom Bradby. Is she trying to spin the interview as an oopsie due to exhaustion? Is she saying Tom tricked her? She really thinks people are stupid. Also, she takes no responsibility for anything, not even the Uber-narcissistic “I trusted too much.” She’s not even capable of that.

{Edited: Apparently Harry is doing another interview with Bradby. Guess he didn’t really trick them then.]

Astroturfed supportive hashtag. Guess her huge investment in Twitter bots paid off. LOL, my kid squints at the screen and says “all the tweets have the same timestamp.” Yes, they do.

Oh, the Diana footage is a bad idea. You can tell she was trying to act like Diana during the Africa interview (so much eyeliner). They really do think she’s Diana though, and they planned their tours (Australia, Africa, big meeting with African leader, big tour with baby) to bolster that impression. It’s interesting that worthy projects (Smartworks capsule collection, Vogue, Morocco girls’ meetings Ireland tour, dog shelter) that would make Meghan look good, but don’t support the Diana narrative are simply not mentioned. The India hygiene project is not featured in the documentary, but the Diana-like pictures in traditional dress are. 

You Don’t Own Me for closing credits. Hahaha. Harley Quinn music. So appropriate. The music in the last three documentaries is better than the music in the first three. 

Husband and group chat both discuss the Diana 2.0 stuff. She really thinks she is Diana and the documentary is trying to present her as Diana. Everyone agrees that she is no Diana. The psychologist thinks she should have worn more eyeliner. The lawyer tells her that eyeliner wasn’t the problem. There isn’t enough eyeliner in the world to turn her into Diana. Everyone thinks the music is good. Much texting about how much the tiny cottage cost. Someone looks it up on Zillow and it’s an insane number. Many “but my palace was sooooo small” jokes. Many comments about a KP cottage, no matter how small, being much classier than a California McMansion. Many comments about the Archewell guy sounding slimy. 

On to the next episode.

[onheirpodcast]

Prince William's engagements and video messages for women's football since their last international tournament in 2022

5th October 2022 - The Prince attended a 10th anniversary celebration for St George's Park, the home of English football, where he spoke with young female players

10th May 2023 - William awarded MBEs to players Beth Mead and Lucy Bronze. Of the 60 plus people who received honours - including male footballers - Kensington Palace's social media focused entirely on Beth

14th May 2023 - The Prince attended the final of the Women's FA Cup where he awarded trophies to winners Chelsea

20th June 2023 - William visited St George's Park to wish the England team good luck in the World Cup

19th August 2023 - Princess Charlotte joins her dad for a video message to wish the Lionesses good luck in the World Cup final

[darkacademiaarchivist]

Ed and Lucy arguing about dragons in episode three is killing me every time... I love them so much...

Ed: you are so fucking wrong it makes me want to eat glass Lucy: the window is Right There, Dr. Tucker

Lucy: I hope you choke on that disgusting sludge you call a coffee Ed: and I hope your tea bag strangles you! Cultural exchange :)))

Ed: Boo hoo hoo, cry me a river then go lie facedown

comedy gold.