#lucifer ask meme

[marsalta]

[katboykirby]

I see your Babygirl Casting, and I raise you... This chart.

At this point I may as well write a scientific dissertation on the phenomenon of babygirlism and all of it's derivatives.

Using our previous definition of "Babygirl" (a grown man who behaves in questionable and/or problematic ways) and working with the data extrapolated from my existing research, here are the conclusions I was able to draw:

Some subjects are not pictured (such as pathetic/type: malewife [Diavolo] among others) for the sake of brevity

As well, there was one outlier that defied all attempts at classification, and as such was reclassified as it's own unique specimen:

Thank you for your time, gentlemen

[wihellib]

I’m sorry my first thought with the new beel card is these guys seriously need girlfriends/wives/boyfriends/husbands because goddamn.

They’re a lot for one human to handle. Too much really. It would be ideal if MC could clone themselves. But I don’t see that happening anytime soon. So, MC will just have to learn to deal with all of their love.

But, in the meantime, whenever all of the Kings are horny at the same time:

[helreginn]

@umbravirtus asked:

❝ you’re just as lonely as i am. might as well be lonely together. ❞

Eyes of violent amber watched her would-be, not-quite lover as he approached. The night was deep. The world outside her room quiet. Her heart beat thrummed louder in absence of anything bar his voice.

Hel licked her lips and swallowed as he came close enough that she could pull him in or shove him away, her eyes lifting as the shortened distance made his height apparent.

"You are being impertinent." she said firmly, taking one step back. "I'm fighting a war here, Luce." And she hoped he knew what she meant. That she wanted to. That she didn't. That she needed him to act, to take the decision away.

[incarnadin3]

Obey me quotes from an incorrect quote generator pt.1

MC: We all have our demons. MC, grabbing Belphegor: This one’s mine.

Belphegor: You look good in that hoodie. MC: You know where else I'd look good? Belphegor, zero hesitation: My bed. MC, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

Asmodeous: Hey, wanna take a shower with me? MC: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.

Asmodeous: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this… MC: pulls out card from deck Now, was this your card? Asmodeous: Holy moly-

Lucifer: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you? MC: …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out on bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?

Lucifer: Know why I called you in here? Asmodeous: Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic. Lucifer: Stops pouring two glasses of wine. Accidentally?

Satan: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes. Lucifer: Wow, I've gotta hear this. Satan: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share. Lucifer: You forgot pride. Satan: No, I'm pretty proud of this.

MC: My dad died when I was little so whenever someone jokes about fucking my mom I’ll pretend to be really sincere and say some shit like “Glad to see she’s moving on, my dad’s death hit her pretty hard.” Then watch them absolutely fumble trying to figure out a response to that statement. MC: Update, she got a new partner I can no longer make the joke.

Asmodeous: What’s your body count? Belphegor: Do you mean sex or murder?

Lucifer: This bloodline ends with me. Asmodeous: That's the fanciest way I've ever heard someone say "I'm gay".

Satan: I am the left brain, I am the left brain. "I work really hard until my inevitable death" brain. You've got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain's might. Lucifer: I LIKE OREOS AND PUSSY-

Beelzebub: Isn’t it weird that we can’t ride any other animal except horses. Like if horses weren’t a thing, humans would be fucked cause we couldn’t ride any other animals. Like riding animals wouldn’t really be a thing. We should probably be more grateful to horses. Solomon: Elephants. Beelzebub: Blocked. Asmodeous : Camels. Beelzebub: Extra blocked. Diavolo: Donkeys. Beelzebub: Ultra blocked. MC: That dick. Beelzebub: …Followed.

[allastoredeer]

The phenomenon of certain radioapple artists drawing Alastor looking like this manly handsome hunk is just ridiculous when in canon he's a feminine looking twink who's thin as hell with a tiny little waist and long legs. It's so painful to me. They're fucking de-twinkifying Alastor and denying him of his girlypop status for their macho top agenda 😭

NOT THE MACHO TOP AGENDA ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ

The denial of his girlypop status is what gets me the most. Why would they take away his sassy wrist flicks? Where's his whimsy? Where's the side of him that called Susan an "ornery old bitch" in the sassiest way possible?

They've stolen his flamboyancy. His trolling nature. His ✨pizzazz✨

I don't like macho Alastor. He scares me (ʘ‿ʘ)

[cazrymist]

[classificationhell]

How do you think Alastor, Vox, Fizz+Ozzie, and Mourningstar would react to reader bottling up their feelings? They don't focus on their negative feeling and try to maintain a positive attitude about everything to not be a burden on the people around them.

(I hope you and your sister are both doing well, btw. I hope she's recovering well.)

Yeah.... Alastor is going to try and wait for them to be ready. He'll try and show his trustworthiness and such, and yeah, he has his own secrets, but his patience won't last forever. Eventually, he'll swaddle them so tightly they are unable to escape and just wait by their bed until they tell him everything. They will tell him everything with a bit more prompting, no doubt.

Of course he'll commend them for keeping their smile and optimistic attitude, but he doesn't want them to have any secrets from him.

Vox understands a fake smile. He's another one who will try and wait for you to open up. Maybe probe a bit while you're playing with Vark. However, he's less patient than Alastor and his secondary gender does him no favors with being seen as a protector. Sooo he may use his hypnosis to get them to tell him, if that's an option.

Mourningstar wouldn't notice at first to be honest, but once he does he is absolutely distraught.

He tells them everything, even things he probably shouldn't >.>, so why won't they do the same? Clearly, they don't love or trust him! He's doing anything and everything to show them how much he loves them and trusts them. He'll hold and cuddle and kiss them, and if all else fails, he's on his hands crying and begging that they tell him. "Do you not love Daddy? Do you not trust him princess? What can Daddy do to get you to? More cuddles, more outside time, do you need more love and attention?" For the love of everything unholy just tell him or you will never know a moment's peace.

Fizzarolli and Ozzie will try and ask you upfront and let you know that there's no need to try and be strong and that you wouldn't be a burden if you confided in someone. They'll even offer you the chance to talk to a therapist instead of them. However, they won't force you to do things since that's kind of counterintuitive to providing an environment of safety and trust.

[appleasks]

Has Alastor ever taken a bite out of you? (in a cannibalistic way, not a romantic way lmao)

“haha  ...  i  don't  believe  i'd  even  let  him  get  within  cane-distance  from  me.”

[onesidedradiostatic]

https://youtube.com/shorts/X1VJw14gY98?si=Eo5_UIcK87RLF34B

Adam posts this about Lilith.

Lucifer shares it with Lilith to laugh but after the divorce/seven year absence he reposts it sadly/sincerely.

Vox drunk reposts it on his private with a caption like “:( thinking about #him”

Velvette and Valentino make sock puppet accounts to bully him in the comments -even tho they’re the only ones who know his private account.

Lilith blocks everyone.

HELP WHAT IS THISIFOGLOKHKGLDS

yeah sure.

[rocknroll7575]

Pjo au

Atlas: How many times do I need to fight you freak

Jaune: As many time cause you messed with my friends so now i'm going to FUCK YOU

Will and Drew: (complete confusion)

Theia: (Intrigued)

Thalia: Its fuck you UP Jaune

Jaune: Hmm what did I say?

Jaune: *Flaring his aura to near infinity with his eyes glowing white* YOU COME AT MY FRIENDS!? DON'T YOU FORGET!!!

*Jaune punches Atals to the ground before getting on top of him and beating him mercilessly*

Jaune: YOUR IN MY HOUSE NOW BITCH!

*Jaune punches him over and over again before Thalia grabs his arm and stops him*

Thalia: Jaune... he's had enough.

[luciferhatesalastor]

…Is this a cry for help?

and how can I do this with a duck…

[switchypanic]

For your ask game, #5 and/or #8 for RadioApple? If you're good with it!

5. How did they discover each other’s ticklishness?

Charlie let Lucifer's ticklishness slip after coaxing him into one of her "bonding activities" and NATURALLY Alastor latched onto that like a starving wolf. However, Lucifer is BIG on revenge, so the moment he recovered he launched a counter attack the deer demon had no hopes of defending himself against.

8. Who gives up in a tickle fight?

Usually, it's Lucifer. Unless he manages to catch Alastor off guard and/or gets a really bad spot, the fallen angel just doesn't have the resistance to tickles to hold out, especially when Alastor gets ahold of his tummy or wings.

[enthusiasticpessimistsworld]

New air up flavour!!! Squashed Adam: get yours now!!!

We put squashed Adam in squash

W/ @yourlocalquestionmark

[helreginn]

@umbravirtus asked:

sent ‘ 👋🍑😈 ‘ to spank my muse

Hel didn't make a sound. Just slowly turned to Lucifer with a threatening gaze. She bit her tongue between her sharp and fanglike teeth as a slow forming smile unfurled on her wine stained lips.

"I see. You've chosen death." She remarked playfully as she stepped towards him. It was very unclear if she meant him harm or something else. Her body language was a bit of both. Sultry and menacing.

As she got within an arms length of him, Hel reached up and curled her fingers in the hair at the back of his head, pulling him down close that when she spoke he would feel the words on his skin, "The next question is.. If you're already on the gallows, what more are you willing to do?"

[sleepapparition]

Brb, ordering two of these bad boys 😌😌😌