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karlnapity · 4 years

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Eternal Coward

i’ll reblog with the ao3 link!

(warnings for alcoholism!)

Schlatt is pure power, or so he tells himself.

Schlatt is a powerful man.

He’s a powerful man when he shows up, wins an election, and enacts his first deeds within hours, winning the popular vote by one fucking percent.

He’s a powerful man when he steals Wilbur’s cabinet on his first day.

He’s a powerful man when he appoints Tubbo his right-hand man while his friends look on. He’s a powerful man when he welcomes Fundy with open arms while his father watches, and he’s a powerful man when he sneers.

He’s a powerful man when they “don’t take Ls.”

He’s a powerful man as he stands and watches Fundy burn the flag.

He’s a powerful man when the walls come down, when he opens Manburg to everyone, when he allows anyone in. He’s a powerful man when Manburg flourishes.

He’s a powerful man when he and Quackity rule with an iron fist. When they raise taxes however and whenever they feel according to their whims.

He’s a powerful man when he has Tubbo decorate his funeral.

He’s a powerful man at the festival when he flaunts his strength, when he shows the consequences of treason, when he commands Technoblade, and even more when the man follows his order with only a hint of hesitance.

He’s a powerful man when he sees the borderline fear in all of their faces, when he gazes out over the remains of the festival and remembers where he started.

He’s a powerful man when he remembers where he came from, when he remembers that he has come from chaos, and that is where he will always stay.

He’s a powerful man when he knows that it’s going to burn, when he accepts the course of his life. He’s a powerful man when he doesn’t grapple with the future.

He’s a powerful man when even after everyone has betrayed him, he holds his ground, when he stands alone.

He’s a powerful man when he fights with Quackity, when he shouts at the top of his lungs.

He’s a powerful man when he destroys the White House.

He’s a powerful man when Quackity looks at him like he doesn’t recognize him, when he cackles and sneers and flaunts his power, and even more so when Quackity, the eternal coward, runs away.

He’s a powerful man when he gets Dream to stand with him, when he forges deals in ways reminiscent of when politics was only a dream. He’s powerful when he thinks of how far he’s come.

He’s a powerful man when he oversees a war for nothing, when he stands on a parapet and watches the destruction he’s at least mostly responsible for.

He’s a powerful man when he stands alone, surrounded on all sides by enemies and former friends, and he’s a powerful man when he’s not scared. He’s a powerful man when he looks Wilbur in the eye one final time, when he recognizes the same mania reflected, when they both know they’re only settling old scores.

He’s a powerful man when he remembers lava and water and TNT and betrayal and friendship and business.

Schlatt is a powerful man when his death is his and no one else’s, when he steals their final victory and their final closure.

Schlatt is not a powerful man.

He’s not a powerful man when his knees buckle when he stands. He’s not a powerful man when his head spins and his hands shake enough that he can’t hold a goddamn pen.

He’s not a powerful man when his cabinet has to help him, when Quackity has to support him on his way to bed.

He’s not a powerful man when he drinks to stop the shakes, when it helps him escape the fear of his inevitable demise.

He’s not a powerful man when Fundy has to pull bottles from his hands.

He’s not a powerful man when Quackity and he shout for hours, and even less when he doesn’t remember in the morning. He’s not a powerful man when his cabinet looks at him in pity, when he knows there’s one way this can end.

He’s not a powerful man when the sight of water makes him freeze, makes him press his ears flat to his head, makes him remember soft yellow and blue and the harsh feeling of drowning.

He’s not a powerful man when he kills a child, much as he may pretend. He’s not a powerful man when he defends his actions, even when he knows it’s wrong.

He’s not a powerful man when he cries in pain after the festival, the respawn exacerbating his condition, when Quackity strokes his hair and murmurs, and even less when he pretends it never happened afterward.

He’s not a powerful man when he pushes Quackity away, when he drives a weft between them far more intentionally than it may seem.

He’s not a powerful man when Dream takes pity on him, lets him forge a shitty, shitty deal.

He’s not a powerful man when all he can do is stumble into a fucking van. He’s not a powerful man when all he wants to do is drink. He’s not a powerful man when he can’t see straight, when he slumps against the wall and takes swig after swig with shaking hands, spilling more than he swallows.

He’s not a powerful man when Dream pokes his head in, frowns, and leaves again, and even less when everyone comes. He’s not a powerful man when he hears them bickering, insulting, when he spews nonsense back. He’s not a powerful man when he singles out Fundy and Quackity, when he shouts, yells at them, and he’s not a powerful man when they shout back.

He’s not a powerful man when his heart stutters, when he gasps, when ice fills his veins and leaves him feeling frozen. He’s not a powerful man when his visions goes black and he falls on his ass. He’s not a powerful man when they call his name, as if they fucking care.

He’s not a powerful man when he stares up at the ceiling and the enemies around him, when he wonders if this is what they want.

He’s not a powerful man when he locks eyes with Wilbur and knows that there’s no other way this could have ended, that they were always going to crash and burn, twin flames that could never, ever burn together.

Schlatt is not a powerful man when he dies alone in a room full of people, and he’s not a powerful man when he knows that there will be no funeral.

#mcin2020 writing #personal #jschlatt #dream smp #quackity #tubbo #fundy #wilbur soot #minecraft #mcyt #lmanburg #lmanberg #manburg #manberg

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linkedspirit-fanartfunart · 7 months

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Blue Skies and Dark Clouds

Sky's backstory! (Ao3)

(And unfortunately because it's a Backstory I and everyone else must suffer the sense that things aren't Resolved lol)

Summary: Zelda & Link have always been inseparable. Now, Link fights Demise, the creature that separated them, even as he's on the verge of collapse... when the battle is done, Link just can't seem to slot himself back next to Zelda as smoothly as they used to.

Warnings: injury, ignoring injury, spoilers for the end of Skyward Sword but like. So is the comic. Zelda has Hylia Guilt annnd... angst. Ye.

There was a time before Demons and Goddess reborn. Before endless cycles of battle. When the sky was blue and cloudy. The air crisp. Skyloft had felt much bigger back then. When it was the only place they knew. When the place beneath the clouds was a legend, a fantasy.

The little orphan boy followed the headmasters daughter closely, as he often did when they were young. Small hand in hers. The pair were still equally small, and had recently traded wardrobes. Link's old dress looked much nicer on Zelda, that was for sure. Link also much preferred Zelda's old tunic shirt on himself. It was especially nice because it smelled like her still.

“Hey- er- Zelda!” Groose said, waving excitedly at her. His red hair was tied up in a little ponytail right at the top of his head.

Link leaned over to whisper to Zelda “Umbrella.”

She laughed, “Link, be nice.”

Groose frowned, putting his hands on his hips. “What did he just say?”

“Oh, he's just being silly.” Zelda said with another giggle.

“Hmph. Well, I just learned how to do a loop-d-loop with my loftwing! Do ya wanna watch?”

Link shifted to hide behind Zelda.

“Oh, not right now. Link and I are gonna go looking for butterflies,” Zelda said. She gestured her head at Link behind her.

“...Oh.” Groose mumbled. He frowned, folding his arms, “Well when are you not doing something with Link?”

Zelda considered. She shrugged, “I don't know?”

“Uhg, why do you even hang out with him!? All he does is stare at clouds and catch bugs! How is that any fun? He doesn't even talk!” Groose complained, throwing his hands up.

Link hid further behind Zelda. She frowned, stepping forward, “He's my best friend! He's super sweet and funny and super cool! So maybe you should shut up! I don't think I wanna be your friend if you can't be friends with Link!”

Groose pouted, “Well…n- Nevermind then!” he turned and ran.

Link watched him go, then looked at Zelda. “Thanks,” he whispered.

“I'll always protect you!” Zelda exclaimed, turning to take his hand and raise it to the sky with hers. “We'll be best friends forever and ever and nobody is ever gonna get between us!”

Link smiled and nodded firmly.

-*-

10 years later and nothing would get between him and his best friend. Not even the Demon King.

The sky was dark. Oppressive dark magic filled the endless world of storm. Lightning made of pure rage and malice crashed through the swirling dark clouds.

The Master Sword raised Skyward like a beacon of defiance. The lightning struck down upon him. Ae channeled all the boiling rage of his own and redirected it against the Demon King. Before it could consume him.

Link ignored the pain crashing through his body. Ignored the insistent chime from Fi reminding him he was very close to outright collapsing or even dying. Ae could do this. He would be fast enough, he would be strong enough, he would be smart enough. Nothing. Would. Take Zelda. From him. Again!

He slashed repeatedly into Demise's chest. His blood boiled in his veins. His gaze sharp and focused. Aer breaths made with careful precision.

Demise was strong and firm. His movements sharp and heavy. Link's legs shook with the efforts to remain standing as Demise's blade struck against his shield. Link flipped out of Demise's range, eyes flickering at the demonic skies. There was no holy light here to call. Only electric power and anger.

Link rose his sword Skyward as Demise strode toward him. Stalking aer like prey.

Link grunted and stumbled slightly against the force of pure energy crashing against his blade. Fi captured it, sparks crackling dangerously close to his skin. He panted, swallowing down the fear closing around his throat. He swung his sword toward Demise as he rose his own. The blades cracked together.

Lightning erupted over Link's body, the crash shocking his senses. His body seizing from the God's power. It felt nothing like the electric powers found in the Desert. It was seared into him with pure contempt for his existence.

A buzz in the ozone. Hair standing on end. Demise's electrified blade struck against his chest, pushing Link back into the pool of thin waters. Link could barely feel aer face. He breathed out slowly.

Ae struggled to take another breath in.

The sky was hazy and dark. Get up. Get up. GET. UP. He refused to slow down now.

Link rolled as Demise's blade crashed down against where he would've been. Ae tumbled into a stand, pulling out a half-full bottle of red liquid. He downed all the flower-sweet crimson potion in one gulp. Ae choked on it, feeling it buzz against the fuzz in his brain and the cotton in his mouth.

He dodged another attempt at a blow, flipping backwards. Ae dropped the empty bottle entirely. He grabbed the Master Sword and thrust it to the Sky again. His eyes focused even as his vision seemed to play tricks with him.

Lighting cracked around the blade. Zelda's hair golden and long like a flash of light.

Link yelled and sliced the electric power at the God with breakneck speed. Zelda's smile as she demonstrated an arching motion with a wooden sword.

Zelda. Limp and unconscious, warm brown color drained from her face. Her body draped in Groose's arms. Link hit Demise with a flurry of quick, precise strikes. Aer blood pounded in aer veins. Fi's blade nearly glowed, shining and swift against the shadows of the Demon King.

He pushed Demise onto his back with a splash of ink dark waters. He screamed a yell of rage and lept. Electricity cracked around Fi's blade. The pulsing rage of it almost seemed to follow his whim, now. He drove the sword into Demise's chest. He was strangely still for a flash. The sky rolled with thunder. Link flipped back. Ready.

Demise stumbled back to a stand, wavering. His blade rose, then fell, crashing to the ground. Ghirahim's sword form vanished in a flurry of dark smoke. Link glared intently. There had to be another move. Something the demon had prepared. A beastal form? Like the Imprisoned?

Demise panted, almost laughing, “Extraordinary. You stand as a paragon to your kind, human.”

Link stared, unsettled. He shifted, keeping his sword close and ready. Briefly, he glanced around for a sign that Ghirahim might materialise to attack him from above or behind.

“You fight like no man or demon I have ever known. Though this is not the end.”

They both labored for breath. Link couldn't see any inkling of a transformation. His scales shimmered slightly, but not with dark power. It seemed more like light, crackling and overpowering the dark that created the demon.

“My hate… never perishes. It is born anew in a cycle with no end! I will rise again!” Demise exclaimed to the windless world.

Link's brows furrowed deeper. His breaths felt shallow and difficult. He ignored blistering pain shooting through his arm and hand. He would see this through. Ae had to stay standing. He had to. Just. Stay standing.

Demise raised his hand slowly, pointing, “Those like you… Those who share the blood of the goddess and the spirit of the hero… they are eternally bound to this curse.” Demise heaved a laboured breath. “An Incarnation of my hatred shall ever follow your kind, dooming them to wander a blood-soaked sea of darkness for all time!” The Demon King laughed, maniacal as his form shimmered like a ghost.

Link's heart pounded heavily against his chest. A booming painful cacophony. He held firm. Ready and alert even as Demise vanished into a puff of smoke.

Fi chimed. Link glanced at the glowing sword, his friend, expression softening. Ae shifted to raise the sword Skyward, slower than ae usually would. His arm ached and stung with the effort.

The lingering darkness gathered into the blade. Fi spoke into the endless sky, finally turning a peaceful blue. “I have confirmed the eradication of the Demon King.” Link let out a heaved sigh of relief, looking up to the clouds. He felt the lingering tension in his body fade. His vision swirled and wavered, the blues and whites hazy. Ae felt close to collapse. He stiffened back up again. Ae could pull it together. Ae needed to get to Zelda. Check if she was alright. Prove to Impa and his goddess that he and Fi were successful. Prove to Zelda she was finally safe.

“His residual consciousness has been absorbed into the Master Sword…” Fi said softly. His sword arm shook slightly. He glanced at Fi. “And is now sealed away.” Link closed his eyes, and light returned him to the sealed grounds.

-*-

“Hey, wake up sleepy head.” A soft voice said. Gentle fingers brushing against his forehead. Zelda. His brows pinched and he turned further into the mattress… Which didn't feel quite like a mattress. It was warm and the fabric was wrong. Not to mention the vague sense everything was moving.

“Link? Please wake up,” Zelda said, sounding more frightened, sad. Ae groaned, shifting to open his eyes. Zelda seemed like she was glowing. A blur of pale blonde and a white dress. Just how often did he need reminding she was a reincarnated goddess? So far beyond his reach… Now she had to glow to be beyond his sight even with her next to him?

“Oh, oh good-” She said. She definitely looked like she was walking. Why were they moving if he was asleep-

“He's gonna be fine,” Groose said somewhere above him, “He was moving and grooving just fine for at least 20 minutes, right?” Oh. Groose was carrying aer. They'd said goodbye to Fi, to Impa- twice- and he'd looked back at the Master Sword and… then… then…. The world had lurched upward and everything was bright and blank.

“I'm just worried his injuries are worse than they look… Goodness, his face-” Zelda's hand brushed against aer cheek. It stung. He made a soft whine, pulling away slightly. “Oh, oh! I'm so sorry-” she stammered, sounding a lot more like she used to when she fretted over aer. Ae giggled despite aerself. He missed her so much… He tried to reach for her hand, but his right side felt pinned, tingling with pain and exertion. He shifted and brought his left hand to her hand instead.

“We're going to take you home, okay? It's going to be okay! It's fine, you're fine.” Zelda moved her hand away and became a blur of motion. With the little hiccups Link had to assume she was wiping away more tears…

Link sighed softly. He briefly considered demanding Groose let him walk on his own… but… this felt nice. Ae was exhausted anyway. So instead he pulled on Groose's shirt to get him to move closer to Zelda. Groose didn't quite catch the intentions, and instead he leaned his big dumb head down to obscure all of Link's currently very limited vision.

He glared lightly.

“You look like a pirate with that squinty look you're doing.” Groose commented. Link smacked his chest. “See Zelda, ae's fine! He probably only collapsed because he's been running on no sleep for like a month.”

“Ohhhhh,” She whined, not sounding comforted at all.

Link reached to her again but instead of Zelda's touch, ae felt a billow of wind and heard an unmistakable chime-

“Woah! Ally-up!” Groose exclaimed with a whoop and they were flung upwards into the air. Link completely lost sight of Zelda in the whirlwind. A sense of panic and dread clutched his chest and his throat.

Groose held onto him tightly. Groose whistled. A screech from a loftwing. Link yelped as he got nearly squished between a body of feathers and Groose. “Sorry sorry-” Groose whispered. “That could've been gentler.”

Link struggled to adjust aer self enough to get into a more secure and comfortable position. “Stop squirming, you're gonna knock us off balance. it'll only be a few minutes.” Groose grumbled.

Link snorted a huff. A red blur swooped above them, shrieking.

“WOAH you big red brute, he's fine! I've got him!” Groose exclaimed to Crimson.

Link wanted to clarify just who the big red brute was here, Crimson or Groose, but the joke couldn't make it past a wheeze in his throat.

Link hooked his left arm around Groose's shoulder and pulled himself up closer to a sitting position. Groose and his Loftwing both squawked in protest. The world spun and blurred around him. Something wooshed back and forth in his ears. It didn't feel like the wind. His own heartbeat, maybe. He reached up to his Loftwing's beak, giving him a gentle pat. Crimson churred, satisfied, and backed away, swooping to fly under them.

“Oh. Thanks,” Groose grumbled, “...Dunderhead.”

Link didn't have the energy to argue. Blue. Blue blue blue- why was Zelda's loftwing the color of the sky, why was she so hard to see- “Zelda-” Link rasped. Voice quiet and scratchy. It felt like the first time ae had spoken aloud since Zelda had fallen through the clouds…It might have been.

“Oh. She's just ahead of us. She's speeding like a firecracker too, I think she's gonna grab some people to meet us when we land.”

Link struggled to look into the distance enough to spot her. It was harder to breathe in the sky. The air thin, his breaths shallow and wheezing. The blue skies all blurred back out into darkness. Aer head lulled before ae could stop it.

“Link?!”

Blur. Grainy moments. Their voices were so loud but so distant. His body heavy and light all at once. It was just too hard to wake up…

“OH I think he's waking up!” Zelda shouted over her shoulder. Practically in his ears, but he didn't care. Her face was much closer and thankfully much clearer.

Footsteps thundered into the room. Groose, Link assumed, from the stumbling sound. A slower footfall entered shortly after, Headmaster Gaepora maybe?

Link didn't turn to look. Ae just smiled softly at Zelda. She smiled back, eyes teary. Ae wished she could stop crying… it was over. She said so herself.

Link reached up to wipe her tears. He frowned softly as he noted the bandage wrapped around the entirety of his right hand and arm. It hadn't been that bad… right?

Zelda leaned against his touch, grabbing his left wrist with both her hands. “Stop scaring me, you jerk.”

He slowly pulled his hands from hers, signing, “I'm okay. Tired.”

“Have you really not slept for a month? I know better than to trust Groose at his word but-”

Groose huffed, but didn't interrupt with protest. …Weird, Link decided.

Zelda brushed a thumb under his left eye, where dark circles were very likely to be. He closed his eyes, sighing. “You really look so tired.” She said softly.

Ae couldn't really dignify that with a response. Sleep had become a battle of its own lately. Dreams of the myriad of ways he could've lost Zelda had been near constant any time he'd slept long enough to dream.

She leaned over and hugged him, voice lowering to a whisper. “I'm sorry. I didn't- you're too kind. I would hate me if I was you. So much. I made you do such dangerous and horrible things in my name-”

“No-” Link whispered… Don't say that-

Zelda leaned back so she could look at him.

“I trust-” His signs were cut off without his input. His arm shook, tingling with pain pain pain- How did he ignore it before? Electricity seizing his heart with a slash of a blade. Burns curling against his hand-

“Link?”

The shaking slowed. Ae swallowed heavily, staring at aer hand.

“Zelda, may I?” Gaepora asked softly.

She nodded, making space for Gaepora to sit beside them. Zelda leaned into her father's side, sighing softly. Gaepora smiled at her, kissing the top of her head before turning back to Link.

“Link, what caused these injuries? I haven't seen anything like this before.”

He sighed, forming the words carefully with his hands, far too focused on the motions to feel anything more than monotone. “Lightning. Sword. Demon.” He hesitated, then mimed raising the Master Sword up, and the crackle of lightning traveling through it. Trapped by Fi. Then a strike to his blade, and chaos, lightning jumping from his sword and through his arm.

“Ah. That explains the intensity of the burns on your hand.” Gaepora took his right hand gently to look at, carefully. “Do you feel anything?”

Link snorted, grimacing a bit exaggeratedly, “Yes. O W.”

Gaepora shook his head, very gently squeezing his pinky, one of the least injured fingers, “Can you feel the touch, though?”

He frowned, focusing. Slowly, ae nodded.

Gaepora hummed sceptically, letting go, “I'm taking that as ‘a little’.”

Link sighed, shifting to lay flat, looking up at the ceiling. Ae supposed the scepticism was fair.

“Well. The main thing I'm concerned with is how shallow your breathing sounds and how hard your heart seemed to be working earlier. The burns and cuts should heal, but we have no way to know how that lightning will affect you.” Gaepora said softly, “We'll keep watching you, okay? Just be careful.”

Link nodded, closing his eyes again.

-*-

The woosh and thunk of the ax against the wood was pleasantly familiar, even if Link wasn't the one cutting. He watched Zelda take a final whack at the tree. It crackled and fell neatly. He sighed. She was getting the hang of it very quickly. She didn't even need any advice. With the dangerous section done, he decided he might as well help more than just supervise. The site they'd set up building the house was within shouting distance. He carefully grabbed a finished bundle of wood and started walking.

“Link! What are you doing? Be careful!” Zelda shouted as she rushed toward him.

He groaned loudly. He was going to start screaming every time he heard those words. He continued walking. He was being careful with this batch of wood, thank you very much. He wasn't even using his bandaged hand.

Zelda grabbed the wood from him, “Here, I can do it-” She said with a smile. After she'd already taken the wood. She adjusted her grip, “Do you remember what part of the frame this was for?”

Link frowned, “I had it!” He protested, throwing his hands up.

“I know!” Zelda said, smiling far too wide, “It's fine though, I can do it! It's barely anything compared to what you've done…”

He looked up to the sky, but he knew the Goddess wasn't going to guide him. … She was trying, however. He sighed. “It's for the right wall.”

“Oh perfect!” Zelda started walking, and Link sighed, following.

“So you just want me to find the right woods, and that's it, huh?” ae mumbled.

“You really should be resting, I have it handled by now-” Zelda started. She looked at him, and something about his furrowed expression must have made her smile fall slightly. She turned to look forward, “You helped a lot with the plans, you're really doing more than you need to!”

“I'm a woodworker,” Link said as an explanation. He needed to do something with his hands. Ae couldn't just sit around while everyone else helped build their house.

“And you're fantastic at it, but that doesn't mean we can't help you!” Zelda said, “Please… just let me help you.” She said softly.

Ae sighed. With another glance up at the sky, ae nodded. Silence stretched between them. It felt awkward… When did silence between them start feeling so uncomfortable?

“I love you.” Link mumbled, just to say it. To fill the space. To confirm they were still best friends.

“I know.” Zelda said, voice thick with some sort of sadness. A guilt he couldn't figure out how to stop her from believing. “I love you too.”

He watched her for a moment, carrying the burden he had intended to take. Ae sighed, gripping his bandaged hand. It stung slightly still, sending a tingle through his whole arm. “I know,” he nearly whispered, feeling like he had to force it out... Strange, how he had to grow out of his childhood silence all over again.

“Oh there you two are!” Groose shouted with a wave. “Look!” He gestured to the house's frame, nearly complete already.

Link smiled softly, “You're insane.”

“Oh wow. Impressive work Groose!” Zelda cheered. She laughed, running over to hug Groose. He blinked, face flushing bright red over her shoulder. “It's going to be so beautiful!” Zelda cheered, squeezing him.

Link laughed and meandered around the structure. He smiled, looking it over. Groose was a fantastic engineer. He sat in the grass, closing his eyes to imagine the finished work. He could just picture Zelda's fiber art hanging in the rafters and walls. Groose's little workout space in a corner. His work bench in another- his hand started shaking again. He opened his eyes, feeling a wetness well in the corners. Would he ever get back to whittling? It certainly wasn't particularly safe with a shaky hand. ...A lot of things weren't, it seemed.

A warm body settled next to him, and then another on his other side. Zelda leaned in, “Are you okay? Is it hurting? Do you need something?”

Link swallowed and shook aer head. “I'm fine.” He sucked in a breath, rubbing his eyes gently. “Just got lost in my thoughts.”

Groose nodded softly, “Sounds like you.”

Link laughed, “I guess it does.” Lost. He was always lost, wasn't he?

Zelda nuzzled in and hugged him. “Can we help you through them?” She said softly.

“No,” Link whispered impulsively. Surprising himself. Zelda looked startled, confused. Ae bit aer lip. “It's nothing bad. I was just imagining what it'd look like when it's done.” He pulled a smile on, glancing between the pair of them.

“It'll be fantastic," Zelda said softly.

“It'll be Groozsume!” Groose announced.

“That doesn't sound like what you think it sounds like,” Link laughed.

“Shut up, it totally does.” Groose laughed, ruffling Link's hair.

The trio laughed and snuggled together.

“It'll be beautiful,” Link whispered softly. He sighed, closing his eyes. The breeze tossed his hair. Warmth on either side buffetting any windchill. Zelda's perfume was still calming. But he could feel her nervous energy, her suffocating concern curled against him.

Yet… Ae would always prefer to suffer her nerves and worry over not having her near at all. He just needed her near. They'd figure the rest out. Eventually.

#linked spirit #loz au #legend of zelda #loz #linked spirit au #ls sky #ls zelda #ls groose #ls demise #angst #fic #ls writing #backstory #injury #death mention tw #ok... i think im done staring at this one #fly be free #skyward sword

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chaoticspacefam · 4 years

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OC Music Meme

I was tagged for this by @actualanxiousswampwitch ! Thank you & sorry it took so long, didn’t have time to write this out before I left for holiday stuff so here we go! I shall tag: @actualanxiousswampwitch (go on give us another one XD), @a-muirehen , @kyber-heart , @thedinalixlegacy (no pressure as always, I know I’m kinda late now sksjkshskhs!) and anyone else who wants to do this, yes, I promise I mean you!

art is by @ ocellifera on deviantART! :D

Let’s do Aria this time, shall we! Since her playlist is the second-longest, and her and Vano’s ship playlist is the longest, we’ll have the most (probable options! Long post so goin’ under a cut. Additional TW’s for: drugs, alcohol, alcoholism, drug addiction and murder, in case I’ve forgotten to add it to the song-specific sections. If you click past this cut, know that this is what you may find there.

reminds you of them most: It was super hard to pick just three for hers, there were so many others I wanted to include here, but couldn’t, as I wanted to make sure I included songs that covered as much of her over-arching characterisation as I could. Honourable mentions to: Miss Jackson - Panic! At The Disco feat. LOLO, Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - Fall Out Boy, Beekeeper - Keaton Henson, and Bones Of A Rabbit - Young Heretics, which can all be found (and more) on her Spotify Playlist - catch-all warning for: sex, drugs, violence and murdering of parents applies here, be aware her playlist is very dark, just as dark as Rai’s but with differing subject matter, proceed with caution if you find anything like that triggering!)

You’re Going Down - Sick Puppies :: This one is kinda self-explanatory. I heard it on a Spotify or Youtube shuffle at some point a year or so ago and immediately went “Oh, hey Aria!” so onto her playlist it went XD “Because I'm hyped up out of control If it's a fight, I'm ready to go I wouldn't put my money on the other guy If you know what I know that I know.” don’t mess with the Tiny Sith, guys, she will put you in the medbay. She’ll do it, she’s done it before ask Vano what happened to the last guy *nods*

Liar - The Arcadian Wild :: This is a relatively “new” song in comparison, which was sent to me by a good rp/writer friend on Discord (who afaik doesn’t have other socials!) that I often discuss plot points etc. with among other things, saying “hey this reminded me of Aria thought you’d like it!”. I listened to it and yep, sure enough, it’s an Aria song. A big part of Aria’s character is that at the start, she really is quite a bad person. She’s nasty, and cantankerous and she really doesn’t care about anybody except for herself (and maybe her dad. A tiny bit.), as things progress, however, while she is still inherently quite rude and selfish, she DOES learn to value other people...provided they are people she cares about, like Vano, and her friends, and so on, as well as (sometimes, she’s working on it still) taking the blame for her own actions and learning it’s not “weak” or bad to a) admit you care about people, b) make mistakes and c) admit those mistakes and take responsibility for them. "I sense there’s trouble ahead, it’s clear by the signs and warnings. That should tell where all blame is due, So why are they pointing at MY head? [...] I sense deception to come. Honestly, truth and I are never one. 'Cause I am the lying man and I have made you my next victim. I need you to see through my act, to tell me I'm wrong, to take off the mask, or else I'll be left in the lie. And I'll deceive my way straight to demise! Cause I’m not in the right state of mind, I just wish I had strength to admit it. My stubbornness will put up a fight! But I don’t deserve to win it... I’m left in the dark, pondering my mistakes But in the light I swear I will, deny it all...”

I didn’t mean to post like half the song but woops it’s done so have it anyway lmao

Brutus - The Buttress :: TW: intense violent imagery in the lyrics. This one is very relevant but contains spoilers for upcoming and as of yet unposted/incomplete chapters (as in...like 3 ish chapters time at most) of Creeping Shadows, so I’ll post this quote as “explanation” and let you theorize who it’s about

“My name is Brutus and my name means “heavy” So with a heavy heart I'll guide this dagger into the heart of my Enemy! My whole life you were a teacher and friend to me Please know my actions are not motivated only by envy I too have a destiny! This death will be art! The people will speak of this day from near and afar This event will be history, And I'll be great too! I don't want what you have, I wanna be you!!“

reminds another character of them:

Where’s My Love? - SYML :: (Vano) I think the acoustic version is especially emotional : ))) Vano looked for her for years but couldn’t find her and genuinely thought Aria was dead. You can understand why she was so fucking angry when she found out that was a lie...but at the same time, she just wanted her love to come home :( “Did she run away? Did she run away? I don't know If she ran away, If she ran away, Come back home Just come home“

Mothers - Daughter :: (Myla, her mother) “Love all you need to love before it goes... When your face becomes a stranger’s that I don’t know. You will never remember who I was to you [...] I’m called “mother”, but they’re called “home”.”

Myla raised Aria for the first few years of her life, and really wanted to keep her away from both the Jedi and the Sith but as it became more and more clear that Aria’s Force affinity was as strong as her father’s, the situation rapidly spiralled out of Myla’s control. She tried to hide Aria, but in the end her father Noctis did find them and take Aria to train with the Sith. She didn’t see her daughter again until she was a teenager, suddenly turning up with the task to kill her for treason against the Empire (Myla is not the canon Imp Agent, but follows the general trajectory of the LS!Agent storyline i.e. an agent disillusioned with the Empire who eventually defects to the Republic with the help of the SIS.). Though she’s a Senator on Onderon now, Myla carried a blaster for personal protection and ofc knows how to use it, except...she couldn’t shoot her own daughter and that was all she wrote. I imagine her thought process during her final moments went something like in this song, especially the bit that I highlighted up there.

reminds you of a relationship of theirs, doesn’t have to be romantic, can be paternal, friendly, etc:

Tongues & Teeth - The Crane Wives :: Aria & Vano (Romantic). Aria’s relationship with Vano is incredibly messy and complicated. On one hand, she knows Vano deserves better, but at the same time she doesn’t want her to go anywhere else and it seems like no matter what she does to try and “warn her off” about what a “bad person” she is, Vano keeps coming back anyway. Ergo, this song. "Oh, I will ruin you. I will ruin you. It’s a habit...I can’t help it. I know that you mean so well, but I am not a vessel for your good intent. I will only break your pretty things, I will only wring you dry of everything! But if you’re fine with that, if you’re fine with that [...] You can be mine.”

Colours - Halsey :: Aria & Merak & Ziri (Friendship/Platonic Love) “You’re only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope, I hope you make it to the day you’re 28 years old...”

Aria “coped” (i.e. not very well but she did it) with the guilt of killing her mother and the stress brought on by the night terrors by self-medicating with glitterstims (spice) and alcohol, and this is how Merak in particular remembers her. Though she got clean from spice after they picked up Ziri, she still continued to drink (and still does) quite heavily, though at least it’s easier to manage that habit. Both of them supported her through this the best they could and it’s probably a big reason (other than Merak being Vano’s little brother) that they’re still Aria’s friends to this day, even if she doesn’t actively travel with them anymore.

(honourable mention to Agnes - Glass Animals which also falls under this “category” but I didn’t want this to get too crowded lmao, it is once again a super long post woops) You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring :: Aria & Roan/Darth Noctis (Familial/Familial Love) Listen, he may have taught her very bad emotional habits and turned her into a tiny attack dog, but her father did love & protect her the best way he possibly could. He was very proud of her and always envisioned her taking his place as a Darth one day (and it takes her a longass while, but eventually she does! Congrats dad!). That’s all I’ve got to say about this one 🤷‍♀️ Monster - Willyecho :: Aria & Satele Shan/The Jedi Order (Enemies to Begrudging Respect (eventually) “I can see the truth. No, you don’t have to lie to me. Don’t fill your head with things and think you’re free~ [...] You don’t believe in monsters, do you~?” ”Of course not!” ”Well, I do...” See me change...into something...darker....” My personal favourite from this “round”. It’s not until Ilum that Satele and the Jedi finally realise they have not “converted” Aria as they thought they did, but rather...they’ve had a Sith hiding under their noses, a Sith related to a Dark Councillor well-known for murdering Jedi no less, and that perhaps...the “deaths” she had convinced them were accidental, were in fact, not an accident at all. 😈 Aria, of course, gets her ass thrown in jail for a few years for this lmao When the schtick with the Revanites happens and Theron needs someone who can “negotiate in a civil manner with Sith”, he and his mother agree Aria is the best bet - if it works, the Sith will respond more positively to her than any other Jedi, if they kill her instead then they’re “rid of” her and don’t lose one of their own - when Lana’s point-of-contact happens to be Vano and the pair reunite after another several years apart, Aria refuses to return to the Republic after Yavin IV. By then, she’s developed enough of a begrudging respect for Satele (and vice versa) that the Grand Master lets her go (not that she was willing to try and fight Vano, Ni’kasi, Marr & Lana to try and take Aria prisoner again anyways). They haven’t seen each other since and though Aria is neutral to the Jedi who have joined the Alliance, she doesn’t care for those who are still loyal to the Republic and would rather have nothing to do with them if she can help it.

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jackhallowed · 4 years

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THE IMPERIAL BABE LIST

Tehlisso “Lisso”: Chiss Marauder [DS] [Married to Verzhi]

Once a Chiss noble who was forced to suppress his Force abilities, Tehlisso has become a charming and charismatic menace. His rage is cool and slow simmering, but he is always ready to choke someone.

Verzhi: Miralan Juggernaut [Grey] [Married to Tehlisso]

The result of a messy Sith affair, Verzhi shouldered abuse through her growing years until she snapped. Like a mad dog unchained, she does not hesitate to use her talents to destroy. She has a kindness to women, however.

Sinyavida “Sinya”: Twilek Assassin [DS]

Vicious and quick witted, Sinyavida rose from slavery to the Dark Council and refuses to let anyone stop her climbing. She will not be stepped on, again. Her favorite past time is hunting Jedi and their Padawans to feed to her beloved monster, Khem.

Reroa “Arra’sai” or “Rasi”: Zabrak Sorcerer [LS]

Quiet and unassuming, Reroa was pulled from slavery when a burst of uncharacteristic rage revealed his force sensitivity. He was given a new name and a begrudging place amongst those who had treated him like filth (and still tried to,) without stooping to their level. His goal is to survive and enjoy life… But do not mistake his soft nature for weakness– he will gladly rip anyone apart, sadistically so, if need be.

Tehisee “Isy”: Chiss Sniper [DS] Force Sensitive

A Chiss noble who stepped away from her family in the interest of excitement and found the gritty spy life to be exactly what she wanted. It’s a dangerous job, but the thrill of nearly dying and the constant betrayal feels a little like home to her.

Luci’do “Luci”: Nautolan Operative [DS] Force Sensitive

Picked up from the streets when he was just a child, Luci’do has never hesitated to use his alien biology to his advantage. He has grown frustrated with the galaxy’s inefficiencies, and as the saying goes, “The world’s a mess, and I just need to rule it.”

Av’liya: Nautolan Operative [DS] Force Sensitive

Luci’s younger sister, she was also picked up from the streets, but by a local gang and “married” off at 16 to a local gang lord. She joined Imperial Intelligence after her husband’s untimely demise and has taken to causing trouble across the galaxy, quite gleefully. She revels in the chaos.

Lu-cet “Ceta”: Nautolan Powertech [LS]

Separated from her family and found by a shitty hunter, Lu-cet has grown up idolizing the Mandolorians and wishing to belong somewhere once again. She rose to fame as the Grand Champion and has gladly found home in the Lok clan, though she may have a weakness for the Cadera clan.

#swtor #records: impside roster #Yes I am insane #Yes I am doing both subclasses for a story #with both genders #will add more later

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theliterateape · 2 years

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On Turning 43 | A Birthday Reflection

By David Himmel

One of, if not the last conversation I had with my paternal grandmother before she died was about the cold war between the head and the heart. Or, rather, the mind and the body.

“In my mind, I’m twenty-nine,” she told me over the phone. “But my body doesn’t agree. It feels much older.” Nonny died three weeks before her ninety-fifth birthday.

That’s aging, innit? At the time of this typing, I am rounding the final bend of completing my forty-third year of life. When the clock strikes midnight, I will be forty-three years old. That feels like an odd age to be. And I imagine every subsequent year will feel just as uncomfortable. How am I forty-three? I think about my dad at forty-three, friends, teachers, bosses I knew when they were forty-three and there’s no way I’m as old as they are. Physically, yes. I understand how time works. But mentally, I feel the same kind of desires, panics, fears, hopes, concerns, etc. as I did when I was twenty-five. Sure, there’s been some amendments, like, now I worry about the actual kid I have rather than worrying about the theoretical kid I might one day have.

That comment about her mind and body not aligning was the most pessimistic thing I ever heard Nonny say. And we were close. So, perhaps I’m better off for having met this realization at a younger age. Or, perhaps that’s how Nonny lived so long—she never crossed the line of contradiction until her mid-nineties. Or, she avoided the darkened weight that comes with it, which I have not.

I also type this out on May 25, the day after the Robb Elementary school shooting, so I can’t help but feel a little pessimistic, furious, sad, and scared. But! If I am to take pages out of Nonny’s book, then I must quote her further: “I must make what happens to me good for me.” So, let’s not focus on our decaying bodies and aching brains, not on the grotesque demise of our miserable American Exceptionalism. No, let’s look back at what I’ve learned in my forty-third year. Let’s see how I’ve grown and made what happened to me good for me. And let’s see if maybe, you learned something, too, and made things good for you as well.

It’s decided, I know who I’ll have dinner with Dinner with three people? Lizzo. Hunter Thompson. Michael Zigler. Lee Harvey Oswald. Why? Lizzo is keeping good disco alive. Lizzo is funny. She seems like a good time.

Thompson? C’mon… Obviously.

Alek Hidell? I mean Lee Harvey Oswald? I just have so many questions.

My heart breaks and melts with the losses and wins of the people I care about more than my own I’ve had a good number of friends go through some pretty surprising and/or rough breakups this year. Also had some friends experience some fantastic wins of the heart. The successes lifted me up into a euphoric cloud, the losses put me south of whatever Dante thought he knew. I can rattle off my loved one’s moments but I’d need a minute to recant my Ls and Ws. It’s easier for me to be empathetic and sympathetic to others than it is to myself. I am George Bailey. It is a quality that is equal parts wonderful and pathetically stupid.

10 years later, Call Me Maybe is still a brilliant song Don’t be surprised. We all knew this was going to happen when we first heard the song in 2012.

I love Chicago for its filth I love the degenerates, the drunkards, the ones with broken cars in their garages and beer cans littering their backyard patios. That, to me, is a sign of someone fighting that Chicago Fight—working hard against the winter and the Man and gentrification. Those beat down by political machinery that leverages our safety, our kids’ education, our health, and how criminal the cops can be against us—those are the real Chicagoans reping the real Chicago. The glitz, the city pride resembling that of a Big 10 football game found in the Northeast neighborhoods, that ain’t Chicago. Not really. That’s performative self-indulgence. You can find the real Chicago if you go west. Just like the best of our kind always has.

Don Hall is a pit bull with a bone—or a toddler Between his nephew dying, his divorce, his adventures in employment, Don Hall is truly a survivor on the same level as a Twinkie and a cockroach. Pardon the mixed metaphors… The guy doesn’t quit or slow down for too long. Just enough to adjust his bite on the leg of the toddler that is his life.

The road to calm for me is paved by vacuum tracks The state of my domicile is directly reflective of my mental health, physical confidence, and general wellbeing. When I was a kid lying in bed at night, I’d bring myself to sleep by closing my eyes and pushing the clutter of my mind front and center into a large white void that existed just inside of my eyelids. Then bit by bit, I would weed through the clutter of the day, of the stress, of the joy, of the hope and concern. And bit by bit, the pile of stuff would clear out until I was left with a spotless white void. At that point, with the clutter cleared away, compartmentalized or deleted entirely, I could calmly drift to sleep. Ahh…

I’m not sure why I stopped this exercise. But I have a theory it’s connected to the ability to drink myself to sleep or fade out with an iPad propped up on my chest. I’m distracted, which is the whole point of younger me’s exercise.

Cleaning things out, bringing sensible, functional order to your spaces brings peace. Cleaning is immediate gratification, which does wonders for one’s confidence. Where there was once a pile of Amazon boxes, now there is a hardwood floor you can vacuum and mop to a brilliant shine. Maintaining basic cleanliness and order doesn’t mean everything has to be perfect and spotless at all times, but it does mean you’re maintaining control of your environment. And routine maintenance/cleaning means the job is easier to do each time around.

An uncluttered home inspires an uncluttered mind. This is a task I’ve struggled with since moving into our new home. With the place in flux as we settled in and made updates, then the two dogs filling it with hair and toys and kibble spills, and the preschooler and wife and myself merely living, the house has become, well, not an ideal place for a person like me. I’d clean it, but what’s the point? The moment I place clean and ironed linens on the bed, the dogs are there to dust it in dander. Cleaning my home has come to feel like I am more like Homer’s Sisyphus than I am the me I’ve always been and want to be. So, I have to figure out a way not to finally get that boulder up the hill but blow the boulder up and raze the hill. Then happily vacuum up all that debris. Ahh…

Logging out of social media has freed me from mindless time-wasting and unnecessary annoyance But that freedom has imprisoned me to a world where the common unwashed don’t know what I’m up to, which can work against me whenever I get that next damn book published. I want to be wealthy enough that I can hire an intelligent person to operate my social media. But there will be no need for that concern until I get those damn books out. The good news is that without social media to burn time on, I can use those found minutes to write and publish, right?

I’ve finally hit the point where I understand what parents mean when they say they’re exhausted and that parenting is hard It’s not the physical act of raising a child, it’s the emotional and psychological might required to be a good example, a patient parent and spouse, and generally, not a disconnected zombie of resentment. It’s hard. Challenge accepted under duress despite my very conscious choice to enter this terrible agreement with Domestication.

Yep! Go fuck yourself, Zionists One thing I learned and wrote about in last year’s birthday post was this: “I’ve become almost perfectly comfortable with my discomfort with my American Judaism. Too much to unpack right here right now. But I’m confident by age forty-three, I’ll have no problem telling American Zionists to fuck themselves in the face with an Uzi with the same passion I’d tell a Trump-supporting, Capitol-storming racist to fuck themselves with their stupid Confederate flags.”

Safe to say, that, yeah, now I’m forty-three and am perfectly fine to tell American Zionists to fuck themselves in the face with an Uzi. Especially if that American Zionist is “class act” Rudy Giuliani. Or my old rabbi.

I can do this shit Trouble gives us the capacity to handle it. Self-doubt and cross looks from spouses and strangers is mere fuel to a four-plus decade fire burning in me. Fuck off, move, I got shit to do and I’m gonna do it. I’ll try to be nice about it—and mostly, I will be—but if you get in my way too much for too long, I’m going to have to push you aside. The clock is ticking, time is running out. I can do this shit and I’m gonna do it the best way I know how—a slightly adjusted manner in which I’ve been doing it all the while.

#Birthday #birthday wisdom #Birthday Lessons

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