#love you all so much <333 forgive me if i disappear a little :( | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fanmoose12 · 3 years ago

Note

Have you ever done like a high school aged au except Levi and Hanji are penpals?

so levihan here aren't exacty penpals and it's a high school!au, but this idea has been living in my head ever since i received your ask so i hope you enjoy this fic, anon, because i dedicate it to you <333

As cliche as it sounded, but Hange never thought that her life was gonna be this way.

When she finished her journalistic degree, when she graduated from university on top of the class, everyone kept saying, "A bright future is ahead of you, Zoe. The whole world is at your fingertips..."

And Hange had believed them, Hange had expected it too. Uncovering the truth, saving people with the might of her words, making the world a better place one article at a time. Hange couldn't wait to get started and make her dream come true.

And then...

And then every serious newspaper turned her application down, not ready to give a chance for someone with a lot of skills and even more brains, but not enough experience, and then her pride got in the way, and so she didn't wish to settle for some local, small newspaper, refusing to waste her degree and years of hard work on some mediocrity.

And now, here she is - working as an advice columnist for Sina's Gossip.

Not a place Hange ever thought she'd end up at. Not a place she would have ended up at, if she had a choice. But she didn't have that choice, had taken it away herself when she refused offers from more respectable newspapers and didn't get a job at the place she had aimed for.

The magazine isn’t large, small enough for Hange not to know about it at all prior to receiving the job offer. She wouldn't have looked at that job offer twice, would have dismissed it immediately after seeing the name Sina's Gossip written on top, but as chance had it, she scrolled through the letter and saw the name at the end.

Erwin Smith.

The Erwin Smith, a local star who had disappeared from public eye some years ago. And now Hange knew where he had gone to.

He was only in his thirties, and already made a name for himself after he uncovered a conspiracy at the local pharmaceutical company. Just like Hange, perhaps even more so, he had a bright future ahead of him. But suddenly he quitted his job and founded his own magazine.

Hange would be lying if she said she wasn't at the very least a little bit intrigued at Erwin's sudden change of course.

That's why she agreed to a meeting with him. And that was her mistake.

Because Erwin turned out to be handsome, intelligent and charming to the point of ridiculousness. He smiled, spoke a few flattering words and next Monday Hange was already on her way to Sina's Gossip, where she started off as a mere copy editor.

It's been three years since that fated meeting, and Hange is still here, now promoted to an advice columnist. And, despite it not being what she dreamed of, despite working at a gossip magazine she used to despise... She likes it here.

She likes the people she works with, and she likes people she works for.

The letters people send her, asking for an advice or sharing their grievances, Hange likes them too. Enjoys reading them again and again, mulling over each word, looking at presented problem from each angle and doing her best to come up with the best advice possible.

Perhaps it's a simple wishful thinking or whispers of an ego she still hasn't lost, but Hange likes to think she helps these people. Solves their problems, guides them through trying times. Or brightens their day, at least.

She's not saving the world like she dreamt of, but she's making it a better place - or strives to, at least. Sometimes people she helped write her again, thanking for kind and wise words. Hange takes huge pride in that. The job pays well, enough for her to rent a small apartment and live comfortably, but it's these sincere words of gratitude that she treasures the most.

And what makes her hold onto her position in Sina's Gossip even more is the people that work alongside her. Erwin is a kind, if a little dorky man. And he gathered a team of similar people. They're all experts in their respective fields too, Erwin went through great lengths to get them all aboard.

When Hange just started working, the prospect of meeting new people made her more than a little bit nervous. As much as she liked other people and enjoyed getting to know them, getting along, truly belonging somewhere was always a problem for her. Too loud and too weird, she was usually an outcast.

But not at Sina's Gossips.

There, almost right from the beginning, ever since she walked through the glass sliding doors and met a tall man who started sniffing her, she knew she would feel right at home.

In the end, she wasn't wrong. The employees of Sina's Gossips became colleagues, then friends and then family.

She loves them all, even the grumpy midget who opens the door to her office without knocking, his face showing no ounce of friendliness or joy.

But— he's holding a cup of coffee in his hands, and even if Hange were truly annoyed, she'd forgive him just for that.

"Four-eyes," he says, a greeting and complaint at the same time. Hange lets it slide too. Levi hands her the paper cup with coffee, and it's still hot, almost burning her fingers. Lifting the cup to her lips proves that the coffee is black with three sugars, just as Hange always takes it. For that, she's ready forgive Levi any possible sin. "Are you neglecting your work once again?"

"No," that is an offence worth pouting, and Hange does exactly that. She wasn't neglecting anything, how could he even think about it. She's just been staring in the distance for... Hange glances at the clock on her computer screen... For almost ten minutes now.

Alright, maybe, Levi wasn’t completely wrong about that one. Not that Hange will ever admit it to him.

“Did you check the letters I send to you then?”

Hange blinks, a little startled. Letters? It’s the letters day already?

Another quick glance to her computer screen tells her that yes, it’s Tuesday and the letters day already.

Levi takes a seat at the other side of her desk with an irritated grumble. “I sent them to you last night, you ass.”

Hange snickers at the profanity. For an editor, Levi possesses a surprisingly foul mouth.

“I’m checking them now,” she bites her lip, opening the mail. Right beneath advertisements and notifications from her social media, there is a letter from Levi, just as he said there would be. Hange opens it, downloading the archive. As soon as she clicks on it, her eyes light up in anticipation. She starts scrolling down, swiftly going over each letter.

A father who doesn’t know what to give his estranged son for his tenth birthday…

A woman who is worried that her sister is dating a gangster…

A strange man who lost his pet lobster…

A teenage girl who isn’t sure what she wants more – to move to another city to the university of her dreams or stay at her hometown with her best friend and boyfriend…

Hange greedily drinks in every word, hurrying to get to the bottom. What if there is a letter from him…

Levi interrupts her by kicking her leg under the desk.

“I’m glad you finally decided to pay attention to your work,” he pauses, his scowl deepening. In her head, Hange finishes his sentence for him – but now, I want you to pay attention to me. God, Levi is just the cutest. So endearing and precious, and he tries to hide it so hard. Nothing gets past Hange, though. “But I didn’t come here to stare at your deranged smile.”

Obediently, Hange shifts her gaze from a screen to Levi, staring at him with a hand beneath her chin. “Why did come here then?”

“You have a meeting this Friday, remember?”

A meeting, meeting… It takes Hange a long moment to catch up with what Levi is talking about.

“A meeting!” she yells, when it dawns on her at last. She snaps her fingers, grinning at Levi. “Of course, a meeting, with that guy from, mm…” she frowns, tapping her forehead. “From Monkey Island?”

“Money Island,” Levi corrects, but he does so with a hoarse chuckle, and Hange mentally pats herself on a back.

After all, who doesn’t enjoy making their attractive co-workers laugh? Especially if they’re just as broody as Levi?

“Do you remember his name at least?”

“Zeke Yeager, right?”

“Right,” Levi nods, and it could be Hange’s imagination, but his face becomes just a little darker, and his voice just a little gruffer.

Hange’s senses start tingling…

“Do you know each other?”

And, yep, there it is – Levi purses his lips, turning his head to the side to mutter a quiet curse. “We’ve graduated from the same university.”

In what world that is a reason enough for such apparent dislike? Hange longs to know more, find out every possible detail.

Levi sees that desire reflect on her face, and sighs. “He’s an asshole,” he reveals. “Who loves his asshole little brother.”

It doesn’t explain much anyway, but Hange feels like it’s the best she can get out of Levi. She decides to surrender and quell her curiosity, just this once.

“This is the only reason why you came? To remind me about the meeting? I have an assistant for that, Levi.”

Lifting his thin eyebrow, Levi gives her a long look. Hange struggles not to fidget under it. What has gotten into him?

“You really don’t remember,” Levi shakes his head, his disappointment more than transparent. “Four-eyes, Berner is on a sick leave. Had been for three days already.”

Oh, right… that’s why no one answered when she yelled a greeting upon entering the office. That’s why she forgot about the letters day. And that’s why she was staring in the distance for almost ten minutes.

She awkwardly giggles, rubbing her neck. “It just slipped my mind.”

“Lots of things do,” Levi rolls his eyes. “Don’t forget about meeting with Yeager, though. He’s an asshole but—”

“But an important man,” Hange finishes for him. She knows that, can hardly forget about that, since Erwin is so adamant at reminding her every time they cross paths at the office. “I know, I know, that interview is important just as that Zeke is. It can make our magazine more popular and blah, blah, blah.”

“Not only our magazine,” Levi sharply retorts. “It’s a chance for you too, Hange. Don’t ruin it.”

There is an uncharacteristic intensity in his voice, one that turns Hange speechless.

It’s a surprise that Levi knows about her ambitions at all, of course, she told him same as she told practically every person she came across. One day, I’ll show you, I’ll show you all just how great I can be. But it’s a surprise Levi not only knows, but remembers about it. It’s a surprise that he seems to care whether she truly achieves her dreams or not.

“Do you wish to come with me?”

It tumbles out of her lips without a second thought. But just as her mouth starts moving, Hange realizes that she truly wants it, wants to have Levi there with her. As a moral support, if nothing more.

Levi doesn’t answer her right away. His eyes narrow, as he mulls it over with his hand on his chin.

“Zeke doesn’t like me,” he mutters. “I will only make it worse.”

“Or you will make it better,” Hange winks, pressing her elbows into the desk to lean closer to Levi. Now that she knows what she wants, she doesn’t hesitate to apply a bit of pressure. “Maybe, he secretly likes you.”

Levi scoffs, crossing hands on his chest. “I doubt it.”

Despite his curt answer, Hange knows that she is close. Levi is almost ready to break. To ensure that, she decides to play a little dirty. “Levi,” she tilts her head and pinches her eyebrows, sticking her bottom lip out. Her puppy eyes aren’t that impressive, not nearly as good as Nanaba’s, but, for some reason, they seem to always work on Levi. “Pretty, pretty please, will you go with me?”

Levi curses, and that’s how Hange knows that she won. “If I end up destroying your whole career, four-eyes,” he points a finger at her. “That’d be your fault.”

“If you ruin my career, that means I’ll stay here with you forever. Won’t that be splendid?”

He doesn’t say anything, but his face seems pensive, thoughtful. Something in Hange’s heart pangs at that.

“Are you going to Nanaba’s place this Sunday?” she asks to change the topic. And distract herself from the strange feeling Levi’s expression provoked.

“No,” Levi answers. Hange grins.

Levi always says no, always tells them that he won’t let them pull him into their shitty shenanigans again, always swears that this is the last time he dragged their drunk asses home.

And yet, he shows up time and time again. He complains, calls them idiots, drunken fools and disgraces to society, but he still shows up. If that’s not a sign of true friendship, Hange doesn’t know what true friendship is.

“Can’t wait to hang out with your broody mien, shorty!” she exclaims, laughing when Levi flips her off. “Don’t forget your gloomy attitude!”

“And don’t you forget about letters I sent to you,” Levi stands up, throwing his paper cup in a trash bin next to Hange’s desk. “You have two days to answer them all.”

“I know, I know,” Hange waves him off. “I don’t need you or Moblit to tell me how to do my job.”

Levi raises an eyebrow at that, looking overly skeptical. “Two days,” he dryly reminds her before leaving her small office.

For a moment more, Hange continues staring after him with a fond smile on her lips.

Back to work, Zoe, she shakes herself and returns her attention to the computer screen. Her mail is still opened there, and Hange scrolls down to the end, searching for a username she hopes will pop out.

Almost near the end, it does, and Hange can’t keep in a quiet squeal of delight.

[email protected]

The username is a bit ridiculous, pompous even, so Hange opts for a shorter and, in her opinion, more accurate one – lover boy.

Every two weeks without a fail, that same user sends Hange a letter, asking for an advice. They all wary in everything, but the subject – a person the lover boy has a crush on.

What do I do to become closer to her, what is the best way to make her smile…

Each and every letter, without a fail, brightens Hange’s day, no matter how shitty it was. The care, affection and love that radiate from these letters melt her heart and strengthen her belief that the world is truly a wonderful place if kind-hearted people like him still live here.

Apparently, romance isn’t quite dead yet.

Gripping the edge of her chair to at least try and conceal her excitement, Hange eagerly opens the letter and starts reading.

Thank you for your last advice, as always, it helped.

We’re growing closer, at least, it feels like we do. However, there is another problem that I hope you can help me with.

Admittedly, I’m not very good with my words. I never know what to say to tell the others how I feel, and sometimes I can come as rough and rather rude. It’s a fault of mine I had ever since childhood, and, truth be told, it never bothered me much.

But with her… it’s a bit different.

She can take a joke, and I know she doesn’t really mind my manner of communicating, but, still, I wish I could show her just how much she truly means to me. Sometimes it seems like she doesn’t quite realize it. Doesn’t really understand just how amazing and wonderful she is.

I know that the subject is not exactly ordinary, but your advices helped in the past, and I believe it will help this time too. Even if it wouldn’t, it’d be interesting to read your opinion on that.

Thank you in advance.

After finishing the letter, Hange starts rereading it, rubbing her forehead in thought. The lover boy is right, the subject isn’t easy at all. The lack of details and context complicates things even further.

A lot of people struggle at communicating what they feel, and it’s especially true about romantic feelings. But different people struggle in different ways.

Someone like Moblit, for example, is open enough with his affection, but he’d stutter to death sooner than confess to someone.

Someone like Erwin can charm pretty much anyone. His carefully crafted words and easy, handsome smile do all the job for him, but his words are crafted just a little too carefully and his smiles come a little too easily, and, as a result, he only rarely comes off as truly sincere.

And then there is Levi, whose walls are higher than skyscrapers and mightier than a fortress. But once you get past them, once you invest enough time and effort to break them down, you’ll find a gentle, caring man, who just isn’t used to showing his true feelings.

Hange can only guess what type the lover boy is.

Sighing, she decides to leave his letter for now and deal with it after she finishes with the rest. Somehow she feels that finding a lost lobster would be much easier than dealing with that particular dilemma.

***

A couple of busy days, filled with Erwin's warnings - Hange, remember the reputation of our agency rests on your shoulders, Nanaba's cheerful encouragements - you can do it, Hange! you'll charm the guy in no time, I know you will, Mike's horrible jokes - if you can't charm him, just ask Levi to punch him, that might do the trick too, and Moblit's frantic remindings, spoken over the phone in a throaty voice, later Hange and Levi arrive to the café Zeke had chosen for their meeting.

“It looks fancy,” Hange whispers to Levi, eyeing the entrance with a slight pout. “I didn’t know it’d be so fancy.”

“That’s Zeke for you,” Levi grunts. “Fancy asshole.”

“R-right,” suddenly every single precaution Erwin had told her come back, more frightening than ever. “Let’s just get this over with.”

The inside of the café seems even fancier, and Hange spares a longing look at her attire – an over-sized yellow pullover thrown over a light green plaid shirt with a brown khakis and worn-out converses. It’s not something one would call professional or stylish, not that she owns anything much better… but now Hange wishes she at least combed her hair.

She doesn’t know what Zeke looks like, hasn’t bothered with looking him up, since Levi is accompanying her, but she easily spots him even without Levi’s help.

Just as the café’s entrance, just as its interior, Zeke looks fancy. He’s not overdressed, in his dark green shirt and light cardigan he is all but casual, but damn, he is one of the leading journalists at the magazine called Money Island, and it clearly shows.

Levi wasn’t wrong about the fancy part, but he also failed to mention that Zeke is handsome. Extremely so. Blond and bearded, he is not exactly Hange’s type, but, well… there are exceptions to every rule.

Not just attractive, but, apparently, Zeke is a gentleman too.

He rises from his seat as soon, as he sees Hange, a blinding in its brilliance smile curving his thin lips.

“Hange Zoe,” he greets and eagerly shakes her hand. “I’m so happy you’ve come.”

The smile doesn’t leave his face, doesn’t even diminish, but his eyes narrow ever so slightly, when they land on Hange’s companion.

“I didn’t know you’d bring a friend.”

His voice is friendly, if only a little surprised, but his eyes are colder than they’d been before.

“It’s our editor,” Hange pats Levi’s back. “Levi—”

“We’ve met before,” Zeke’s still showing that same smile, but there is just enough frost in his voice to tell Hange that there is no secret affection between him and Levi.

“I’m glad Hange invited me to trail along. It’s nice to see you again, Zeke.”

Levi doesn’t bother hiding his sarcasm or schooling his expression in something more amicable. Hange rolls her eyes and kicks him as soon as Zeke turns around.

Will it kill you if you try to act a little friendlier? her gaze asks him.

I warned you about this, Levi’s huff answers.

Oh, well. At least, he didn’t call her four-eyes in front of Zeke. Clearly, that’s an improvement.

Hange sighs and sends a quick prayer that this meeting won’t turn into a complete disaster. She sits down in a booth across from Zeke and hopes that her smile will be enough to counter any possible tensions.

“The strawberry cupcakes are exceptionally good here,” Zeke notes, when a waitress bring them menus.

Without looking up from a menu, Hange nods. The prices in this café are much higher than she is comfortable with. She’d never bring her friends here, but, well… Zeke isn’t a friend, so Hange swallows down her discontent and orders herself a coffee with a strawberry cupcake.

She doesn’t even like strawberry cupcakes.

“Let’s start, shall we?” Zeke says after three of them receive their orders.

Hange takes a sip from her coffee – it’s honestly not that good to be so pricey – and tries to look composed and professional.

Truth be told, she doesn’t know why she is here. An interview, Erwin told her, but why would anyone want to interview her? She’s not a celebrity – not an actor or an artist, she’s a journalist, who works for a small, local magazine.

Why would a person like Zeke and a magazine like Money Island be interested in someone like her?

“I’ve prepared a small list of questions…” Zeke takes out his tablet, turning it on. “Are you ready to begin?”

“Yes,” Hange says, smiling when she feels Levi’s calf press to hers in a silent encouragement.

“So tell me more about yourself – your hobbies, talents outside of work…”

It starts easy like that, and Hange loses herself in her ramblings so much that she doesn’t notice that Zeke isn’t taking any notes.

But after a few trivial questions – what do you like about journalism, what made you choose this career path, what are subjects you’re most passionate about – everything gets just a little bit stranger.

“What are your greatest strengths?” Zeke asks, then follows it with, “What are your greatest weaknesses?”

Where do you see yourself in five years? What’s your dream job? Do you consider yourself successful?

One question after another tumbles out of his lips, and soon Hange realizes.

It’s not a simple interview, it’s a job interview.

A confused look Levi sends her confirms her suspicion.

“Mister Yeager?” Hange calls after a question about how she prefers to be managed.

“Call me Zeke,” he retorts charmingly.

“Zeke,” she forces a smile and hopes it doesn’t look too fake. “I don’t wish to appear rude… but what is the meaning of this? I thought you wanted an interview for your magazine?”

“It’s more for me than Money Island,” Zeke confesses. “I wish to get to know you better.”

Beside her, Levi tenses. Amongst the noise and clutter of the café, Hange can almost hear the sound of his teeth gritting. She doesn’t spare a glance in his direction, too busy gawking at Zeke.

“May I ask…” she clears her throat, feeling too far away from her comfort zone. “…Why?”

“Sina’s Gossips is a fairly small magazine,” Zeke begins, his voice as sugary as a strawberry cupcake before Hange. “But it became ten times more popular after you started working there. Clearly, you have a lot of potential, and something tells me that advice columnist is not your dream position. So I thought you’d be interested in my offer.”

“Your offer?”

“To change your workplace.”

“But I have no experience in the finance area.”

“I’m willing to give you a chance,” Zeke says graciously. “You’ll have to be approved my by superiors first, of course, and then you’ll need to undergo a bit of training...”

Hange can’t help but frown. “I can’t just abandon my previous position like that.”

“I’m not asking you to. Not now, at least.”

“So what exactly it is that you want?”

It’s Levi who asks, and his low, almost menacing voice startles Hange. She turns to look at him, but his face is as guarded and neutral as it always is.

Zeke raises an eyebrow, his expression curious as he studies Levi. But when he shifts his attention back to Hange, the same handsome smile is already plastered on his lips. “I want to offer a collaboration project. We can use your platform to let people ask things, not about their everyday struggles, but to ask you for an advice about their finance related problems. Our magazine can advertise it, and this will help to expand both yours and ours audience. And…” Zeke pauses, lowering his voice just a fraction. “It will give us a chance to see if you’re up to the job at Money Island or not.”

“I…” it’s a lot to take in, and, naturally, Hange struggles to find her own words. That’s why she’s so grateful when Levi decides to step in.

“We have to discuss with our boss first. Then we can give you a definite answer.”

There is an edge to Zeke’s smile that tells Hange exactly what he thinks about Levi’s interruption. However, it disappears instantly, in a blink of an eye. With his features much more relaxed, Zeke waves a waitress over and asks to bring them a bill.

“I’ll be waiting for your answer,” he says as he stands up. “I enjoyed our time together, Hange Zoe. And I know our companionship will bring me just as much pleasure. I hope we’ll keep in touch.”

He leaves after that, but Hange isn’t yet ready to go. She pushes the cupcake around the plate, mulling it over.

“What do you think?” she asks Levi after five minutes of silence.

“What do you think?” he shoots back, and Hange scoffs, kicking him under the table.

“I asked you first.”

Levi doesn’t answer immediately. He stares at her for a long moment, and there is something in his eyes, something Hange can’t quite understand the meaning of. She wants to know, though, almost asks him, but then Levi breaks the eye contact and slumps back in his chair.

“You’ve always wanted to do something more, right? It’s your chance, Hange.”

“And…” she swallows a heavy lump in her throat and briefly wonders where it had come from. Levi is right, that what she always wanted. Then why she is so hesitant to even entertain the idea? “Do you think I should take it?”

“It’s your chance,” Levi repeats.

He stands up and wraps his hand around her elbow to push Hange up too. His touch is too careful, almost gentle, and the confusion inside her continues to grow.

“Let’s go back to work,” he says, and adds in a voice so quiet, Hange almost misses it. “You did well, Hange.”

***

Hange goes to find Erwin as soon as they return to the office. She doesn’t tell him about the second part of Zeke’s offer, about the possibility that she’ll soon leave Sina’s Gossips and all of its employees, and focuses only on their future collaboration. Erwin listens to her frantic retelling with a calm, attentive face. He agrees to Zeke’s offer without much thought.

“That is,” he hastily adds, “if you wish to proceed with it, Hange. I don’t wish to force you, so if it’s not something you’re interested in...”

“No, no,” she shakes her head and hopes that the smile she forces on doesn’t look pained. “I’ll be happy to work on this project.”

Is she truly happy, though? Hange isn’t sure anymore.

***

She spends the whole evening and most hours of night thinking about it.

She goes to the Money Island’s website and reads most of their recent articles. She googles the most prominent employees and reads about them too, every bit of information she can get her hands on.

When the sun is starting to peek out from the horizon, Hange looks up Zeke. She finds out he has his own youtube channel, where he talks – no surprise here – about finance.

Being rich is easy

God, even the name of the channel reeks of arrogance.

But Hange has to admit – Zeke is good at what he’s doing. His pretentious manner of speaking and his apparent habit of scratching his ear is a little irritating, but he talks with confidence and ease that shows just how much knowledge and experience he has.

His videos are engrossing and his articles are, without a doubt, extremely well-written.

Hange likes Zeke, finds him interesting enough, but what he talks and writes about… she can’t help but think that it’s a bit too dull for her taste.

And it’s ironic, it’s foolish, she should be on a cloud nine from the opportunity presented to her. Hange feels like she would have been on a cloud nine… Three years ago.

But now she has a job she loves and people she loves working with. Should she really leave it behind just like that? Can she?

Then again, can she leave behind a dream she nurtured for as long as she could remember? Can she forget about every ambition and desire?

She doesn’t find an answer to that in the evening, it doesn’t come to her during the night.

And Hange can only hope that she’ll be able to answer it when the time comes.

***

But, instead, Saturday comes, and Hange forces these thought out of her head.

She wants to forget about her doubts, and with Nanaba’s fingers in her hair, a bottle of cold beer in her hands and Mike’s deep voice in her ears, forgetting about everything else is surprisingly easy.

They’re at Nanaba’s summer house, gathered around a brightly-lit brazier. Hange is warm, relaxed and content. Mike’s story about some fisherman from his hometown is a little boring, but Nanaba remedies that fault by whispering sarcastic comments to Hange.

When Mike’s thrilling tale is finally over, Erwin clears his throat, attracting everyone’s attention.

“In case some of you didn’t know, Hange had a very peculiar meeting yesterday…”

“Right,” Nanaba’s grin is too wide and gleeful for Hange’s taste, and when Nanaba fixes her eyes on her, Hange involuntarily squirms. “Very peculiar indeed.”

Knowing but not liking where this is going, Hange leaves the warmth of Nanaba’s lap and moves away. This action brings her to Levi’s side, and he tenses, but doesn’t protest which Hange takes as a sign that she can become a little bolder and lean on his shoulder.

Perhaps, he’ll shield her from Nanaba’s curiosity. Although, Hange has to admit that it’s highly unlikely. No one can stop Nanaba if she gets curious about something. Hange always admired that about her. Not now, though.

“So tell us, Hange,” Nanaba slowly begins, her eyes glinting in the light of the fire. Hange takes a quick survey, and confirms that, yep, everyone is looking at her. Apparently, Nanaba is not the only who is curious. “Did you have a good time?”

“Well, Zeke’s offer looks promising, and that project certainly is intriguing…”

“God, leave that boring stuff to Erwin,” Nanaba rolls her eyes.

Mike agrees with her by adding, “Not everyone here is as nerdy as you two.”

“Exactly,” Nanaba nods. “We want to know more about Zeke. Is he handsome?”

Perhaps, it’s the beer or the warm atmosphere or the fact that everyone – including Levi – is looking expectantly at her, but Hange chuckles and says, “Very much so. Not in the way our fearless leader is,” she salutes Erwin with a bottle, enjoying the slight blush that appears on his cheeks. “But he’s still attractive.”

There is pure wickedness in Nanaba’s gaze, when she leans a little closer to Hange and asks, “Is he as handsome as Levi?”

Hange chokes on her beer. Her eyes water as she coughs it out, her throat is sore, but with the help of Levi’s gentle pats, Hange manages to get her breathing back under control.

She glares at Nanaba as soon as she straightens out, but then remembers the stupid question and feels color rise to her face. She can blame it on a coughing fit. Probably. Hopefully.

“It depends on one’s preferences…” she mumbles, hating how weak her voice sounds.

Nanaba is merciless, though. “What’s your opinion then?”

It takes Hange more than a moment to gather enough courage to sneak a glance at Levi. Their eyes meet, but for no more than a heartbeat. Levi looks away instantly, his hands clenching into fists.

Hange decides to be honest then. Her gaze still fixed to Levi, she murmurs, “No, Zeke is nearly not as handsome as Levi.”

Nanaba coos, Mike guffaws and Erwin simply smiles, like that is exactly the kind of answer he expected.

Levi doesn’t react at all, but Hange is still pressed against him and so she feels – he relaxes considerably.

Hange relaxes too, and moving closer to his ear, she whispers, “Hey, help me get revenge on Nanaba.”

The look in Levi’s eyes is positively evil, wicked enough to send a shiver down a spine. Hange feels that shiver acutely, but… not because it scares her. Truthfully, it has a diametrically opposite effect on her.

“With great pleasure, four-eyes.”

“Oi, Nanaba!” Hange calls. She doesn’t know what to say next, finds it hard to concentrate with Levi so close to her, but she trusts he’ll back her up.

As always, he doesn’t disappoint.

“Is that your lipstick on Mike’s neck?”

There is no lipstick on his neck, Nanaba isn’t even wearing one, but they both panic and they both exchange quick glances. It’s enough of an evidence to make everyone laugh.

Mike is smiling, as he pulls Nanaba closer, tucking her under his arm. “We really suck at being discreet, aren’t we, Nana?”

“That we are,” she agrees with a smile as gentle and loving as Mike’s. “I guess there is something we want to tell you then.”

“About damn time,” Erwin shakes his head. “Do you know how many times I’ve caught you making out in the supply closet? I was getting tired of keeping quiet about it.”

“You didn’t keep quiet about it,” Levi grumbles. “Every time you caught them you ran to tell me.”

“And then me,” Hang gleefully adds.

Nanaba and Mike groan in unison, their faces red as tomato.

“We have the worst friends ever.”

Hange laughs. She very much begs to differ.

***

Beers and constant laughter very soon make all of them sleepy. That’s how Hange finds herself sandwiched between Erwin and Mike on a bed in the guest room, and though there is enough space for another person to fit in, Nanaba claims the master bedroom, and Levi takes one look at them and retires to the living room, sprawling over the couch.

In Erwin and Mike’s arms Hange feels safe and content. Her previous doubts take a seat back and let her enjoy the night with her friends. Thankfully, sleep comes to her that much easier than it did last night.

It doesn’t last for long, though.

The sun still isn’t up, but the world isn’t dark anymore, when Hange wakes up from her slumber.

Erwin is snoring into her ear, but there is a vacant place to her left, where Mike used to sleep. It’s not hard to guess where he had disappeared to, and Hange allows herself a small smile at the expanse of her friends’ happiness.

She doesn’t feel like sleeping anymore, so she throws one blanket over Erwin and snatches another one, wrapping it around her shoulders. With her feet bare and still dressed in a pajama shorts and Mike’s t-shirt that almost reaches her knees, she leaves the room and goes downstairs, walking outside. She takes a seat at a porch swing and draws a slow, deep breath, taking in the beauty around her.

The world is only starting to wake up, and grey color is more prominent than anything else, but there are just enough soft shades of purple, blue and pink to make up for it. Nanaba’s house sits just at the edge of a clearing that leads to a small lake, and the morning brings thick streak of fog that spreads over crystal surface.

It’s beautiful enough to take her breath away, and Hange loses herself in the calm, gentle feeling that finds its way inside her.

That feeling is strong enough to hide the sound of soft footsteps that approach her. Hange notices someone else’s presence only when the swing starts moving. She startles, her head darting to the side, but relaxes instantly, when she sees Levi’s sharp profile. He’s holding two cups of steaming tea in his hands, and hands one cup to Hange.

“Thank you,” she smiles, inhaling the sweet aroma of tea. It tastes just as sweet as it smells, she realizes after taking the first sip. Then, she turns her attention back to Levi. “I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

“No, I usually wake up at this time. Insomnia,” he says, and, right, now Hange remembers something-something about Levi sleeping not nearly enough for a normal human being. “Heard that you woke up and decided you might want a company.”

“How did you know that it was me who woke up?”

Levi gives her a short glance before shrugging and returning his gaze back to the scenery in front of them. “Your steps are different,” he answers, like it explains everything.

It does explain everything for Levi, Hange muses. He works in a strange, obscure way, so very different from other people. That’s why Hange likes him. That’s why she feels so comfortable with him.

Perhaps, it’s a fault of a dim, morning light or, perhaps, it’s her own sleepiness that changes her perception, but Levi looks a little different, softer around the edges. Because of it, Hange allows herself a small indulgence and moves close enough for their shoulders to touch.

Just a fraction, barely an inch, but she feels Levi move closer as well.

All of it – the colors merging on a horizon, the fog that makes everything look almost ethereal, the sweet tea made by Levi, Levi himself – fuse together to create an impossibly light, gentle feeling that very rarely visits Hange.

In that moment she feels happy, so happy that not even a brief thought of what’s going to happen if I leave is enough to ruin that mood. She simply drowns that pesky doubt down with tea and turns to look at Levi.

“I’m so lucky to have met you all,” she reveals to him in a quiet voice. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt so happy before.”

Levi stares at her, and there is something in his eyes, something fierce and at the same time vulnerable that Hange can’t quite understand. She isn’t sure she wants to, not now, at least.

“Let’s stay like this,” she says, almost a plea. “At least, for a little while.”

“As you wish,” Levi agrees easily as though… as though whatever is it that she wants, he’ll get her.

The thought is both comforting and terrifying. Comforting, because it means he cares about her, because it means she’s not alone anymore.

And terrifying, because it makes her happy, and Hange isn’t sure she’d be able to part with that happiness, when the time comes.

***

No matter how much Hange wants to prolong that fuzzy feeling and stay in that small bubble with her friends, all too soon the weekend ends. Monday comes and with it arrives a new wave of responsibilities.

But not only responsibilities return – Moblit does too, and as soon as she sees him, Hange hugs him close to her chest, laughing when he starts complaining that she squeezes him too much.

“It’s been too quiet without your nagging!” Hange pats him on a back, smiling from ear to ear. “And you’ve missed one hell of a party! We’ve been sleeping so peacefully without your snores.”

“You like my snores,” Moblit argues, and he is right to do so. Moblit’s throaty snores lull her to sleep better than any lullaby. Besides, cuddling with him is always a delight, his tummy softer than any pillow. “And I’ve heard about that party already,” he continues with an almost sly look. “Nanaba told they found you and Levi getting cozy on a porch.”

Hange huffs, turning away from his knowing look. “I see Nanaba’s obsession with gossips is infectious.”

“It’s Sina’s Gossips we’re working at. Love for gossip is the requirement to get a position here,” Moblit jokes, and Hange shakes her head with a low chuckle.

Moblit’s been absent for just a week, but it was enough to make her miss him like crazy. She’s glad he is back. And more than anything, she wants to chat some more, but the work doesn’t wait.

She contacts Zeke as she drinks her first cup of coffee, and not even five minutes pass before he schedules another meeting with her.

There is no need for your editor to join us this time :)

Hange isn’t sure what irritates her more – Zeke’s apparent dislike of Levi or the stupid emoji.

However, Erwin’s words ring in her ear, yet another reminder that this is important, Hange, we can’t afford to blow this off, especially not with a man like Zeke on board. So she replies him with a stupid emoji of her own, and, gritting her teeth, adds that she is looking forward to their meeting.

Then, not wanting to repeat her last mistake, Hange checks the place Zeke has invited her to. This time it’s a restaurant, and a flashy one at that. The time he sets the meeting for – seven pm – is another hint that it is not a casual meeting, and therefore she needs to wear something better than her usual clothes.

She isn’t sure she can pull it off all by herself, though, and she isn’t sure there is at least one item of clothing in her closet that can be classified as fancy, so Hange asks Nanaba to help.

Nanaba agrees instantly, her eyes brightening up at the prospect. She promises to come over at the evening of the meeting with Zeke, bring some new clothes for Hange and pick up something classy.

At five pm sharp, just two hours before her meeting, Nanaba shows at Hange’s place, holding two large packages.

She doesn’t come alone, and with wide eyes Hange watches how Mike, Moblit and Levi trail inside her apartment after Nanaba.

“Erwin couldn’t make it, because he’s old and boring,” Nanaba cheerfully informs her. “But he asked to send him pictures of every look I’d pick for you.”

“Has anyone told you how wicked and vile you are?” Hange asks her with a glare that could almost rival Levi’s.

“Mike makes sure to tell me this regularly,” Nanaba flippantly replies. “Now go and get changed! We don’t have all evening.”

It takes five changes of clothes to finally find something that satisfies Nanaba’s fashion sense and doesn’t make Hange feel like she’s out of her element.

She is dressed in a dark brown suit with a black shirt underneath, and after Nanaba makes a controlled mess out of her hair, Hange has to agree – she looks very good.

“Let’s show you to the boys,” Nanaba whispers before taking a quick photo for Erwin. She pushes Hange into the living room, where Mike, Moblit and Levi are already waiting for her, all of them nursing a bottle of beer. “We’ve got yes from Erwin!” Nanaba cheerfully announces after checking her phone.

“That’s a definite yes from me too,” Mike nods in agreement.

“You look so handsome,” Moblit says earnestly, despite his shy smile.

Levi doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t tear his eyes away from Hange either. As she waits for his verdict, Hange wonders if the desire to change her look, because Levi obviously doesn’t like it, is simply stupid or downright pathetic.

“Levi,” Nanaba glowers at him, when the silence stretches for far too long.

Hange wants to deflate the tension with some joke, but then Levi clears his throat. “Not bad, four-eyes,” he says, making her heart stumble. “Go get that stupid monkey.”

Hange wants to hug him, so, so much, but she’s afraid to ruin the suit, so she settles on thanking him with a bright, happy smile.

Levi’s expression softens like that is all the thanks he desires.

“Continue making heart eyes at Levi, and you’ll miss your little meeting, Hans,” Nanaba whispers.

Hange hopes the red on her cheeks will be interpreted as anger, but Nanaba is right – she has to hurry, all this effort would be in vain if she arrives even a little too late.

“C’mon,” Mike wraps an arm around her shoulders. “We’ll give you a lift.”

Hange smiles, feeling so grateful – to all of them. She wouldn’t be ready for this evening if it wasn’t for Nanaba, she probably wouldn’t get that deal with Zeke if it wasn’t for Levi, her column wouldn’t be so successful if it wasn’t for Moblit’s assistance and Mike’s constant help, she wouldn’t have this job, this family if it wasn’t for Erwin who decided to hire her.

They all wish her luck one last time at the entrance of the restaurant. Nanaba and Moblit fruitlessly try to peek inside and get a glimpse of Zeke, when Levi wraps his hand around her wrist, dragging Hange aside.

“It’s Tuesday,” he says matter-of-factly.

More than a little confused, Hange blinks, then nods in affirmative, she knows it’s Tuesday, she’s not that disorganized.

“It’s Tuesday,” he repeats, tilting his head just so.

It is only then, to Hange’s shame, that she finally understands what he means.

“The letters, right?” she grins, proud of her own quick-wittedness. It took her only a moment to guess.

“I sent them over already. If you won’t be too exhausted after the meeting…”

“I’ll check them out as soon as I get home,” she promises.

There is nothing else to say, nothing else to do but walk away from Levi and inside the restaurant, where Zeke is probably waiting for her. Still… Hange is reluctant to leave. There is something between her and Levi, something almost tangible, and it keeps her glued to his side.

This feeling, it grows bigger, harder to ignore, until—

Until it disappears, when Nanaba tugs at her hand. Hange allows her friend to pull her away from Levi, stopping just for a second to turn around and wave him goodbye. Levi’s face is set in the usual scowl, but his gaze softens, and it fuels Hange with determination and resolve.

She looks around and, encouraged by her friends’ unwavering support, steps inside the restaurant.

***

Just as Hange predicted, Zeke is already there. When he notices her approach, he stands up and with a dazzling smile and pulls a chair for her.

“Hange Zoe,” he all but purrs. “You’re absolutely ravishing tonight.”

His words are too sweet, Zeke himself is too sweet to seem genuine, but Hange gives him a smile nevertheless. His compliment doesn’t succeed in making her heart race like Levi’s quiet ‘not bad, four-eyes’ did, but it still pleases her.

She doesn’t believe he truly means it, knows that Zeke uses flirting to get something out of her, but, oh well… if a man like Zeke Yeager wants something from her… isn’t it already fluttering?

“I took a liberty to order for you myself, if you don’t mind,” Zeke says.

Hange does mind, not that she can express it now, after Zeke already ordered. That’s exactly what he was counting for, Hange can very well see it – in the slight curve of his mouth and an amused shine in his eyes.

“As long as the meal is delicious,” she murmurs slyly.

Zeke laughs, and Hange mentally congratulates herself. Erwin would be so proud.

Speaking of Erwin…

“My boss agreed to your offer, he’s very interested in it and hopes…”

“Hange,” Zeke cuts her off with a wave of his hand. “We have work email to discuss things like that. Delicious food, beautiful night… why don’t we simply enjoy it? We can talk about work later.”

Hange frowns, looking at the man before her intently. For the life of her, she can’t comprehend what does he want from her.

“You’re a journalist with bright future ahead of you,” Zeke says, like he knows what exactly Hange is thinking about. “I want to help you succeed, but, aside from that, you’re an intriguing person. I simply wish to get to know you better. Is it so bad?”

Either she really sucks at reading people, or Zeke is that good of an actor, but… he seems genuine enough. Hange struggles with keeping her suspicion.

Before she can give him an answer, their food is brought in. The plate before Hange looks more expensive than she could probably afford, and she is pretty sure she won’t be able to even pronounce the name of a dish, but she takes a first bite, and… can barely resist a moan.

It’s good, really good – spicy but not bitter, and just crunchy and juicy enough.

“Is it delicious?” Zeke quirks an eyebrow, smug and amused.

The dish is so tasty, Hange can’t find it in herself to snap at him. “It’s perfect,” she confesses, sending another slice into her mouth.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it, to be honest, I was quite nervous about your reaction.”

Zeke doesn’t look nervous in the slightest, but if he’s so dead-set on playing a gentleman tonight, Hange can indulge him.

“So what exactly do you want to know about me?” she asks, pouring wine in both of their glasses.

“Ah, right,” Zeke pushes the glasses up his nose. “The first thing I’m interested in…”

***

They spend the whole dinner talking, jumping from one topic to another. Despite his arrogance, Zeke is an interesting man, he knows how to entertain and engage his companion, and so very soon Hange loses herself in conversation with him.

Time flies fast, and when they stand up from the table, Hange is shocked to discover that it’s almost ten in the evening.

Zeke remains a gentleman till the very end, and after paying their bill, he drives Hange home. He stops just outside of her apartment block, and when he turns off the engine, Hange knows she is ought to say something.

“I had fun. Thank you for the evening.” She says, and she means it. She doesn’t feel nearly as happy as when she is with her friends from Sina’s Gossips, but Zeke proved to be a good company. Hange is looking forward to working with him.

“I should be the one thanking you,” Zeke tilts his head, ever the charmer. “I’ll see you again?”

“Sure,” Hange agrees and gets out of the car. “Good night,” she yells into his open window and then hurries up the steps to her apartment.

Exhaustion sips into her bones the moment Hange crosses the threshold. She kicks off the shoes and takes off the suit, trudging up to the shower. Once she is clean and fresh, she falls onto her bed and gets under the blankets. Only then, Hange remembers her conversation with Levi.

With the last bit of her energy, she takes the phone into her hands and unlocks it, going immediately to the mail. She isn’t awake enough to read all the letters, so she just quickly scrolls through them. A thank you message from a man who found his lobster… a distraught mother who doesn’t know how to communicate with her son… a middle-aged teacher with a mid-life crisis… Hange scrolls further down, until she sees a familiar username.

She smiles and opens the letter.

Good day, and thank you again for the last advice. Admittedly, I was a bit skeptical about it, “trust that she knows you well enough” seemed just that side of too easy, but I think she does know me well enough to see through my rude exterior. What’s more, I think she knows me well enough to see things I don’t even wish to show her. I can’t yet decide if that’s a good thing, or a terrifying one.

Alas, there is another problem, one that bothers me constantly.

Without getting too much into details… there is a chance she might leave the company we both work for. I know it might not seem that awful, we can still remain friends even if we don’t work together, but… I’m afraid we’ll drift apart when she leaves. Without common ground, without our friends bringing us together, she wouldn’t have a reason to talk to me. Maybe, she wouldn’t even want to.

But that’s not the thing that bothers me the most. She hasn’t yet decided if she wants to leave or not, and, as much as I am reluctant to let her go, I… I wish she follows her dreams, even if they tear us apart. But she’s perceptive, and, as I’ve mentioned before, she knows things about me that I very well try to hide. So what if she learns about my reluctance? What if it somehow influences her final decision?

I don’t wish for that to happen, whether she stays or she leaves, I don’t want to be her reason for either.

Because if she grows to be unhappy about that decision… I don’t think I’ll be able to take.

I… don’t think I’ve explained my point clear enough, maybe, because it’s not clear enough in my mind too. However, as always, I put my trust in you.

You haven’t left me down before, after all.

Thanks for bearing with me. Hopefully, it’s not the last time.

Hange groans in frustration, as she comes to an end of the letter. Here she was hoping to receive some sweet news from her lover boy, but he presented her with another dilemma instead. And one that is so similar to hers too. Maybe, it’s a sign, a way of universe telling her… something. The message is not yet clear enough.

Perhaps, with a little time, she’ll be able to decipher it. But as for now, Hange decides, putting the phone on top of the bedside table, the only thing she really, really needs is sleep.

And, thankfully, it comes to her easily.

***

The next day Hange dives deep into work and stays in the depth of articles, lectures, textbooks and letters from readers for entire two weeks.

In almost everything, Zeke is the one to assist her. Email exchange, video calls, personal meetings… because of all that, Zeke seems to be constantly by her side.

He invites her to his company, organizes the tour around the offices, introduces her to every employee. They’re nice, Hange supposes. Overly politely and unnaturally friendly, but that’s to be expected from total strangers.

Zeke shows her his office – a big room with glass walls and large window that overlooks the city. It drives to a point just how different their newspapers are. It almost makes Hange self-conscious about inviting him to her own office. Thankfully, Levi is there to chase away any discomfort.

As soon as Zeke gets inside their office, Levi is there, glaring at him like he’s trying to burn a hole in his head.

“As Hange’s editor, I’m here to oversee your work with her,” he explains, and proceeds to critique everything Zeke does.

Zeke’s habit of scratching his ear makes him look like a monkey and his beard makes him look like a homeless person, his voice makes Levi’s head hurt, his cologne stinks, he talks too much and works too little, his jokes aren’t funny and his remarks are unnecessary. Levi finds a way to insult everything about Zeke.

Hange would have reprimanded him, she did a few times, but she can’t deny that Levi’s hatred is… kind of funny. It’s petty and childish, but at the same time hilarious to the point that Hange has to constantly bite the inside of her cheeks otherwise she’d be laughing at his jabs like a mad person.

Still, Zeke is an important business partner and her possible colleague, so…

“Please forgive Levi for his… lack of professionalism,” she tells Zeke when Levi leaves to bring them tea. Just moments before Levi had called Zeke ‘an insufferable snob who doesn’t give a single fuck about people around him’, so naturally, Hange feels that apology in an absolute necessity this time.

“Don’t worry, I’m not offended,” Zeke smiles, and it looks just that side of arrogant, reminding Hange about Levi’s words and making her feel like maybe, his assertion of Zeke isn’t entirely wrong. “His reason for acting like that is perfectly understandable. When one stands between a man and his… well,” Zeke trails off, staring at Hange enigmatically.

His what? Zeke is standing between Levi and… what? Is it the reason why they don’t like each other so much? Is it something that happened in the past? Or is it a recent development?

Hange wants to ask, but the moment for this is lost, when Levi comes back, holding a trail in his hands.

“I spat into your coffee,” he says to Zeke with the most deadpan expression. If Hange didn’t know Levi a little better, she’d believe that he actually did it. But Zeke isn’t fooled so easily, so he just wolfishly grins and thanks Levi in a sweet voice. Levi swears under his breath and then turns to Hange, murmuring, “Yours is with three sugars.”

“Just as you like it,” Zeke sing-songs, and Hange can’t stop laughter from bubbling out of her throat at the sight of pure hatred on Levi’s usually indifferent face.

“Let’s get back to work,” she says, still chuckling.

Thankfully, they both listen to her.

***

When Zeke leaves to return to his own office, Hange breathes out in relief. She stretches her arms and sprawls out her long legs beneath the desk with a pleased hum. Working with Zeke is satisfying enough, but with just Levi around, she feels much more at ease.

“So,” she nudges his foot with her leg. “What’s up with you and Zeke? What is the source of a drama?” and, remembering Zeke’s previous comment Hange adds, “Did he steal your crush or what?”

Levi looks affronted. He glares at Hange, hands crossed on his chest and a slight pout curving his lips.

Hange thinks he’s going to tell her to fuck off, almost expects him too, but this time, Levi surprises her.

“Remember my cousin? Mikasa?”

Of course, Hange does. How could she ever forget Mikasa, the only person in this world with a scowl as scary as Levi’s?

“Well, Zeke has a little brother, a brat named Eren.”

Hange nods, she vaguely remembers Levi mentioning some brother, and, more than once, Zeke had bragged to her about Eren, his darling sibling.

“He and Mikasa are friends, and my idiot cousin has been pining after him for years.”

Hange has some troubles imagining a pining Ackerman, and she briefly wonders what Levi would act like, if he had been pining after someone. Can he even pine?

“Eren had been an asshole to her, even made her cry once, so...”

“So?” Hange prompts, practically at the edge of her seat.

“So I decided to teach him a lesson. I wanted to scare him a bit, but it kinda backfired when Zeke spotted the two of us. I wasn’t going to punch him or anything, but apparently that’s how it looked.”

“And?”

Levi sighs. “And Zeke did what he could to protect his little brother.”

“He punched you?” Hange’s eyes are wide, as she tries to imagine that particular scene. Zeke is so much bigger than Levi, if he had punched him… Hange suddenly feels very angry.

“No, although I wish he did. It happened just outside of our university, and so Zeke had me reported to the dean. Something about assaulting a minor… it almost got me expelled.”

“What a fucker,” Hange growls, her fist clenching involuntarily. She knew just how hard it was for Levi to get into that university and pay for the classes, and to think that he nearly got expelled because of something so stupid…

“It was an asshole move, I agree. But a part of me actually understands him.”

“Huh? Why?”

Hange can’t even fathom a reason to defend what Zeke did. She knows she would never forgive him for that. It doesn’t seem like Levi has forgiven him either, but he understands him? Hange doesn’t think she would be as gracious.

“Do you have a sibling, four-eyes?” Levi asks. “Or a cousin?”

“No.”

With a thoughtful expression, he hums. “That’s why you don’t understand.”

His answer confuses Hange. And at the same time, it intrigues her. She knows that a bond between siblings is a special one, and as an only child, she can’t grasp the meaning of it. Levi seems to cherish his relationship with Mikasa, even if he always calls her a brat and complains about her bad manners. It must be nice to have someone, a friend that lives with you in the same house. Hange can’t exactly imagine it, but she acknowledges the importance of it anyway.

“But enough of this,” Levi says, bringing her out of her thoughts. “Your collaboration with Zeke is almost at its end. Your article will come out in a few days, have you decided what are you going to do next? Have you already told Erwin that Zeke offered you a place at his newspaper?”

“I haven’t.”

She doesn’t quite know how to approach this conversation. What’s more, she doesn’t quite know what her decision is. Money Island is an opportunity that shouldn’t be ignored, Hange doesn’t want to ignore it. A resignation letter that is hidden inside the desk's drawer is a testament to this. It will give her career a boost she always dreamed of, and Hange can’t let it just slide past her. She isn’t going to, probably, but… she is reluctant.

“We still don’t know if our collaboration will turn out to be a success or not,” she adds, an attempt to justify her indecisiveness. “Maybe, Zeke wouldn’t want to do anything with me, if we fail.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Levi rolls his eyes, apparently refusing to even entertain this idea. “The article will be a success. And you’ll do great at that job.”

Hange snickers in an attempt to lighten up the mood, to distract Levi from her unease. “Sounds like you just want to get rid of me.”

“It’s your decision,” Levi doesn’t deny, not confirm her comment. It sets Hange just a little further on edge. “What I want doesn’t matter whatsoever.”

His words sound familiar, strangely so, but Hange refuses to think about it any further. The words might sound like those from the lover boy’s letter, but the context is different. Levi and him are different. And whoever lover boy is devoted to, Hange is sure that she and that person are different too.

“I’m starving,” Levi stands up, a bit too abruptly, but Hange is too lost in her thoughts to take note of it. “Let’s steal some food from Mike.”

Hange smiles, grateful for the offer, and stands up to join Levi. “I saw Erwin bring yoghurt today.”

“We need to hurry then,” he grabs her hand, quickening her stride. “Otherwise Nanaba will steal it before we even have a chance.”

Hange laughs and eagerly follows after him.

***

When the article finally comes out, it turns out to be a glaring success. Both newspapers gain new audience, a number of newcomers bigger than Erwin had anticipated.

Everyone is happy and proud of Hange accomplishment. No one is surprised at her success.

Mike, Nanaba and Moblit all but run into her office, interrupting each other in their haste to congratulate her.

Levi is the last one to approach her. He wears an unusually open, almost happy expression.

“Told you’d do great,” he murmurs.

Hange knows she shouldn’t do it, knows that Levi won’t enjoy it, his aversion to invasion of his personal space is proverbial, but… Hange accomplished a lot, right? She deserves a little celebratory gift.

With that in mind, she shortens the distance between them and goes in for the tightest, squishiest hug she had in a while.

Levi grunts his protest, but doesn’t object further. In a move that sets Hange’s heart ablaze, he wraps his arms around her too.

Hange likes hugs, receives lots of them – at parties, she often cuddles with Nanaba and Mike, sometimes falls asleep with Erwin holding her close, and Moblit always gets too clingy when he has a little too much to drink. She enjoys embracing her friends, but a hug from Levi – perhaps, Hange tries to reason, because it is such a rare occurrence – makes her brim with unbridled happiness.

***

After the short, but very much enjoyed celebratory hug, Hange invites her friends to get celebratory drinks.

The evening is great, it is filled with pleasant conversation and so much laughter that Hange’s stomach starts to ache from it. The evening is great, could have been perfect… if Hange could forget about the resignation letter that is hidden inside her desk’s drawer.

It is a little after midnight, when they leave the bar and call it a night. But while everyone else heads to their homes, Hange decides to come to the office.

Almost wistfully, she turns on the computer. The first thing she sees is the time and the date, displayed at the bottom of a screen, that tells her it’s the early hours of Wednesday.

The second thing she sees is a notification that Levi sent her a letter.

Right. It’s letters day. Perhaps, the last one for her.

Hange opens the mail, her eyes instantly searching for the familiar username. She doesn’t find it.

She goes through the whole archive again, this time much slower. Still nothing. Then – what if third time is a charm – she scrolls down to the bottom once more. And…

No luck.

It’s the first time in a while that Hange doesn’t receive a letter from the lover boy. It can be a good thing, she supposes. Maybe, the lover boy finally confessed and his beloved stayed with him. Maybe, that’s why he doesn’t need her advices anymore. Or, maybe… Maybe, she left. That will explain the absence of the letter too.

It’s just a letter, from a total stranger at that, but Hange feels sad. Her eyes water as she stares at the computer screen.

She can’t help but wonder – did lover boy’s beloved know about his feelings? Did she decide to leave anyway? Or was she none the wiser about the extent of his affections towards her? If so, did she regret leaving him behind?

Would Hange herself regret leaving her job and friends?

She’s not sure. The worst thing about regret is that it doesn’t appear until after you’ve already done something.

Maybe, she will regret it, maybe, she won’t. The only way to find out is to keep moving forward.

With a heavy heart and tear-streaked face, Hange takes the resignation letter out of the drawer.

***

When she breaks the news to Erwin, he is not at all surprised. He’s not even angry or disappointed, he doesn’t ask to reconsider. A part of Hange wishes he did. That would give her an excuse to stay.

His smile is sad, but at the same time it’s proud. He thanks Hange for three years of hard work and wishes her the best of luck.

“When you’ll get rich and famous,” he says as he wraps his arm around her. “Think of us sometimes, even if briefly.”

Hange’s answering laugh sounds more like a sob. “How could I ever forget all of you?”

Erwin chuckles and wipes away her tears. “You’re a star, Hange, don’t you ever doubt it.”

***

Her last day at work ends with Hange getting shit-faced at their favorite bar. Everyone else is just as drunk as she is – Nanaba refuses to let go of her arm, Mike keeps asking her to call him every day, and Moblit has already cried for three times.

The only semi-sober ones are Erwin, who has to show up to shareholders’ meeting tomorrow morning, and Levi, who is an abnormal human being that alcohol holds no power over.

In the end, he is the one tasked to bring Hange home.

For the entire of their ride to her apartment complex, Hange does her best to behave. She breaks down as soon as they get inside.

Apparently thinking that forcing her to shower would be too much of a bother, Levi leads her straight to the bedroom.

Hange doesn’t fight it, too exhausted to do so, but when Levi starts tucking her in, she grabs his wrist.

“Levi,” she says, and the amount of alcohol she consumed earlier makes it easier to not give a fuck that her voice sounds almost pleading. “Levi, what do you think about me leaving?”

Levi has said nothing on the topic throughout the whole evening. And, while he has given her a hint about his stance on it before, and it probably wouldn’t matter at all, since she is going to leave anyway, Hange still wants to know.

“I told you before,” he doesn’t pull his hand away from her grasp, if anything he moves a little closer, sitting at the edge of her bed. “My opinion doesn’t matter.”

“It matters,” Hange assures. “To me, it matters.”

“It shouldn’t.”

“Do you want me to stay?” she looks deep into his eyes, but be it the influence of alcohol or the absence of her glasses… she can’t read him at all. “If you really do, maybe—”

“No.” Levi cuts her off sharply. “No, Hange, there is no maybe. It’s your decision, and my feelings can’t become your reason.”

Again, the words are familiar, but Hange is drunk. Hange is filled with alcohol and conflicting emotions and lingering doubts. Besides, she’s too lost in the intense look inside Levi’s eyes to make sense of anything else.

“Good night,” Levi whispers, pressing his lips to her forehead in a feather light, achingly gentle kiss. “I hope you will be happy.”

He leaves just before Hange thinks of asking him to stay.

***

Hange swears to stay in touch with everyone at Sina’s Gossips, and she fully intends to keep that promise, but then— then the work gets in the way.

Her first week at Money Island is all but a blur. There is so much to do, so much to learn, and Hange gets lost in it almost immediately.

She stays in the office after hours, she works during weekends, every waking moment is essentially spent on trying to make sense of it all. The employees of Money Island help, which Hange is immensely grateful for, and she is no stranger to working after hours, but… what made her power through it before is not there anymore.

After two weeks she spends on her new job, Hange can’t deny it anymore – her new position is boring.

All these numbers, charts, net worth, stocks options, so on and so forth… it’s so dull and tiresome, it sucks all of Hange’s enthusiasm and inspiration.

That thrill, that excitement, it isn’t there anymore, there is no passion to fuel her, no purpose worth pursuing.

At least, her new colleagues are nice enough. However… Hange can’t help but compare them to her old ones.

Pieck is funny and kind, but not nearly as kind as Nanaba. Porco’s jokes, no matter what he thinks about them, aren’t as hilarious as Mike’s, and watching the development of his relationship with Pieck doesn’t give Hange the same thrill as Nanaba and Mike’s relationship did. Onyankopon is so polite, and he’s always ready to help, but he isn’t as endearingly awkward and cute as Moblit. Her new boss, Magath, isn’t half the man Erwin is. And Zeke… Zeke doesn’t even begin to compare with Levi.

Hange wants to like them, she really does, but all this work leaves little to no time to hang out with her friends, and their absence makes her more unwilling to connect with the new colleagues.

Out of sheer stubbornness, Hange continues working for another two weeks, hoping that maybe, with just enough time, she’ll get her spark back.

She is in the middle of writing another article, something about yet another failing company, when her phone pings, announcing a notification. Taking it a sign from above that she needs to take a break, Hange looks away from the computer screen and redirects her attention to the phone.

The notification announces a new letter, to her personal account. Intrigued, Hange opens it and almost squeals when she sees the username.

[email protected]

Hange stares at it for a long, long moment. The letter isn’t redirected as it usually was, meaning… the lover boy knows her personal mail address, or…

The lover boy is someone she actually knows.

Not sure which one is more improbable, Hange opens the letter. It’s an unusually short one.

It’s been almost a month since she left. I still miss her every damn day. Do you have any advice how to stop it?

In that moment, everything clicks. Every coincidence and conjunction, every moment she felt like she could connect to the lover boy, every time his dilemma perfectly reflected her own. The fact that he knows her email address and the fact that he mentioned one month, precisely the amount of time that passed since she left Sina’s Gossips… there are too many seemingly random things that together create a clear enough picture.

Hange rereads the letter again, just to make sure that it’s real, just to make sure that she isn’t imagining it, that it isn’t wishful thinking.

It doesn’t seem like it is, Hange doesn’t believe it is, and a realization forces a surprised, happy laugh out of her throat.

It takes her but a moment to set her mind, and then, Hange closes the word document with an article, not bothering to save it. She opens another one right after that, and starts writing what will be another resignation letter, this time addressed to CEO of Money Island, Theo Magath. When she finishes, Hange opens powerpoint and proceeds to make a presentation that consists of almost eighty slides.

Perhaps, not her best work, but Hange is confident it will suffice.

She doesn’t bother waiting for Magath to come back from his meeting to give him a letter. She bumps into Zeke just as she exits the small office they gave her, and she thrusts the resignation letter into his hands before he can pull her into one of his endless, mostly one-sided conversation that serve mainly to stroke his ego.

When he takes a look at the letter, Zeke seems regretful, but— not at all surprised.

“I hoped you’d stay with us for a little longer…” he confesses with a slow shake of his head. “But I guess we can’t do what we don’t love.”

“I’m sorry,” Hange says, a small compensation.

“Don’t be,” Zeke waves her off, as easily and smoothly as he does everything else. “However, if you ever decide to go on a date with someone taller than a middle-schooler…”

Really, even Zeke knows? Is she that oblivious?

“You’ll be the first one to know,” Hange laughs, feeling lighter than she did in weeks.

Without wasting anymore time, Hange ducks into her office, grabs what little things she brought here and then rushes to small, not at all impressive, but so dearly loved building of Sina’s Gossips.

Just before entering, she stops and looks up at the front door. Finally… she feels at peace.

A moment is all she allows, before she walks inside.

Her first stop is Erwin’s office, where Hange plugs a USB and starts her presentation before Erwin can even ask what she’s doing here. It takes absolutely nothing to convince him to give her position back, but it does take the whole eighty slides to make him at the very least consider her new proposition – a new segment where Hange will be observing local news. It’s not much, but it’s a start, and a promising one at that.

“But I still need you to take care of the advice column,” Erwin warns just after he surrenders to Hange’s enthusiasm that slowly starts to come back to her. “Mike is quite terrible at it.”

“Consider it done, chief!” Hange exclaims with a quick salute.

Erwin smiles and stands up to embrace her. “Then, Hange Zoe, welcome back to Sina’s Gossips.”

Hange is smiling so much, she worries that her face might break.

After Erwin, she runs straight into Nanaba’s arms. As they embrace, Nanaba laughs, then cries, then laughs again.

“God, Hange, I’m so happy you came back,” she says, wiping her tears. “I was this close to dying of boredom.”

“You don’t know boredom until you’ve worked in finance, Nana.”

They laugh in unison, and Hange’s heart is full of affection, when Nanaba wetly kisses her cheek.

Just before stopping at Moblit’s desk, Hange heads to break room and is lucky enough to find Mike eating a sandwich there.

Hange steals it with a delighted laughter, instantly taking a huge bite.

“Never thought I’d miss someone stealing my food,” he shakes his head with a big smile. “But here we are, I guess. It’s good to have you back, Hans.”

At first, Moblit doesn’t actually believe she is real. He rubs his eyes and squints at her, tentatively touches her arm, gives her another once-over, and whatever he noticed – perhaps, it’s her mismatched socks – convinces him that he isn’t seeing things.

And then gathers her in his arms.

“They made me work with Levi,” he whispers into her shoulders. “Please, don’t leave me again.”

Hange laughs – she does it a lot today, compensating for that month she spent feeling sorry for herself – and pats Moblit’s shoulder.

“Speaking of our favorite shorty, where is he?”

“In his office, probably brooding as always. Since you left, he’s been doing it more often. ”

Hange thanks Moblit with a quick peck on his cheek, and then she is moving again, now heading to her final destination.

The inside of Levi’s office is dark, and awfully quiet. The only sound is the click-clack of the keyboard and the only light comes from the computer screen. It further highlights the dark circle under his eyes and the overall paleness of his face.

Hange clears her throat to get his attention.

Levi’s eyes snap to her, widening almost immediately. There is an ocean of questions, ready to spill from his lips, but Hange doesn’t give him a chance to voice any of them.

“So there is this guy, he’s been sending letters to me since forever. He’s so sweet, a true romantic, and, well, his letters were kinda the highlight of my week,” she pauses to take a quick breath, and continues. “And I’ve been rooting so hard for him, you know? I wanted him to get together with that sweetheart of his, but I also felt like she was kinda oblivious, if you get what I’m talking about. Perhaps, not completely blind, but with a vision poor enough to miss what is right in front of her. Or, perhaps, she always has her head up in the clouds and the guy is a little short, so it’s easy to miss him? And-”

“So you’ve figured it out then?” Levi interrupts her. His calmness makes Hange more nervous.

“I have.”

“Only now?”

“Yes.”

“Hm,” a ghost of a smile dances around his narrow lips. “Completely blind then.”

Hange huffs, but she can’t resist a smile of her own. She takes a step towards his desk, hopping right on top of it.

“Just so we’re clear,” she touches his forearm, slowly moving her hand up to his shoulder. “You weren’t my reason to leave, Levi. And you aren’t the reason I’m staying. But,” she leans in, hoping that Levi is not as stupid and she is, and he gets the hint that she wants him to lean closer too. “You’re the reason I decided to come back. And for that, I can’t thank you enough.”

Hange closes her eyes, when Levi gently cups her cheek. With bated breath, she waits to feel his lips on hers.

Her lover boy doesn’t disappoint, and the gentle, loving kiss makes her head spin.

After a short moment of bliss, Levi pulls away, and Hange has to forcefully stop herself from chasing after his lips. He smirks at the dazed look in her eyes, and Hange just has to retaliate.

She strokes the skin of his cheek with the most tender of touches, shortening the distance between them with tantalizingly slow speed. Just when they’re less than a breath apart, Hange whispers, in a quiet, endlessly soft voice, “You know, Levi, wings of freedom is a really stupid username.”

Levi pushes her off the desk for that, but it’s still worth it. Even more so, since he catches her right in his arms.

And then her lover boy kisses her again. And again, and again, until her heart is so full of love that she can’t even find it in her to get angry at Mike, who snaps a picture of them and runs away to tell everyone the news.

“They’ll be gossiping about that for weeks,” Levi grumbles.

Hange laughs, smoothing the crease between his eyebrows. “Well, it’s Sina’s Gossips we’re working at. And didn’t you know? Love for the gossip is the requirement to get a position here.”

#basically yet another silly romcom from me :)#levihan

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apricotgojo · 4 years ago

Note

babe u better write a part three or something because we’re waiting-

ALSO IT’S BEEN SO GOOD WTF?? SO PROUD

sooo sorry for the long wait but here is PART THREE! Thank you guys so much for the support, It makes me so happy that you like this mini series :’)))

of course, here is Part one and Part Two ! <333

There he was, in the arms of another. There he was, his lips which should be on yours, on someone elses.

There you were, standing heartbroken at the scene before you.

You meet up with him the same night. A frown evident on your face the whole car ride until he stops the car in a parking lot and looks at you.

“You’ve been silent all night. Are you going to tell me what happened before we go to this party or are you going to be a moody little bitch?” His tone was stern and his words were like knives going through your heart.

“Where were you today?” You ask, still not looking at him.

He lets out a chuckle, “babe, I told you I had lacrosse practice.”

“I saw you at the mall with Delilah, Trevor.” You say, now looking at him, anger filling your body. “I saw you kiss her.”

He stares at you for a moment, you can see his face turn a slight red even in the dim light of his car. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Tears start to run down your face without you even realising. “I’m not fucking stupid Trevor! I-It was you, you kissed her a-and-“

“Hey baby please stop crying, who told you this? Your stupid friends? You’re kind of acting crazy right now.” He says cupping our face, a small, false, smile on his face while you try not to hyperventilate too much. “It doesn’t matter what you saw or what you didn’t. what matters is that I’m here and I love you okay? I’m with you right now because you’re the only one I want. Understand?”

You gulp and nod. Maybe it’s just one kiss, maybe your eyes were deceiving you. Maybe you were too infatuated by him to even function properly and get the fuck out of there. His heart is in the right place. That’s what you thought to yourself.

That’s what you thought to yourself even when you saw him make out with another girl at the party.

His heart is in the right place.

That’s what you told yourself while you sobbed in the bathroom.

His heart is in the right place.

That’s what you told your friends when they were concerned about what happened.

No. He cheated on you. He cheated on you and guess what you did? Held hands with him and pretended like everything was okay. You didn’t want to lose him. You didn’t want to leave.

You put a fake smile on every time you went out with him and when you got home you spent the rest of your night sobbing in bed.

You’re father asked you whats wrong. Why you weren’t eating. why you never smiled anymore at home. You’re the most precious thing in his life. His princess. He just had to know what was wrong and there you were, crying at the dinner table.

“But it’s okay daddy,” You sniffled. “I forgave him, he’ll change, he loves me.” You’re so naïve.

Your father was angry but didn’t say a word.

Two weeks later you were crying again but this time, at Trevors funeral.

You were so clueless. “It was just a car accident.”

“Drunk driving.”

“no I heard he took some real hardcore drugs before getting in his car.”

“Poor soul, so young.”

You heard people whisper at the ceremony.

No one could know that your father was the one who killed him.

Your father killed him. Your father killed him. Your father killed him.

“Wake up ma belle.” You heard a whisper.

You open your eyes and the night sky is above you, a few stars freckled here and there.

Your head aches but you manage to turn your head to the side, greeted by the sight of Chat Noir.

“What happened?” You ask, groggily.

You sit up and rub your head. Where did this cat take you? It seemed to be a rooftop of some kind but you had no idea where.

“You fainted.” He states and gives you a small smile. “But luckily I was there to help you.” He winks.

“wow my hero.” You say sarcastically and rolls your eyes but you end it with a small laugh. You stop laughing instantly when you realise what happened.

“My dad. Where is he?” You ask wide eyed.

Chat purses his lips together and looks away.

“Chat,” You say cautiously and gulp. “Tell me what happened to my father.”

“I’m sorry,” He says quietly and sighs. “He’s been arrested.”

You clasp your hand over your mouth and you can feel your heart sink in your chest. Tears well up in your eyes and they slowly fall while you quietly sobbed in your hand.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay.” You heard him say as he pulls you to him, his hand rubbing your shoulder to comfort you.

“what am I going to do, Chat?” You breathe out and look up at him. “I don’t know.” He whispers, concern filling his green eyes.

You could never allow yourself to be this vulnerable in front of anyone, let alone a complete stranger, but you trusted Chat for some odd reason. It could be the mask hiding who he really is or it could just be instinct but you knew he was a man with good intentions. He’s a hero after all and you felt comfort in that.

“I can take you home whenever you tell me okay?” He says and rests his head on top of yours.

You nod silently and nuzzle into his chest even further.

“Adrien…” You whisper. “Is-is he okay? Please I would never forgive myself if something happened to him?” You sniffle.

You could feel Chats’ smile growing. “He’s just fine m’lady, there’s nothing to worry about.”

You nod and start to give yourself time to think.

Both your parents were in jail. You were completely alone now.

You knew that the only guardian you had was your aunt back in New York. You knew that this could mean that the short lived happiness you found in Paris could end.

You were fucked. You couldn’t let that happen.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a sudden beeping noise.

“I’m sorry but I have to take you home before I transform back into my civilian form.”

You nod weakly and hold onto him. You feel him wrap his arms around you and suddenly you were leaping from building to building. If only you could feel the rush and excitement, but your mind was too occupied to even feel anything.

Before you knew it you were set on the balcony of your room. You slide the door open and see your curtains move with the wind. “Thank you Chat.” You say and look at him, trying your best to force a smile on your face.

“Please, it was my pleasure.” He says and kissed your hand, grinning at you.

You watch him almost about to leap off but you grab his tail. He looks at you, raising an eyebrow.

“Really, Thank you.” You say but this time you say it more firmly, looking straight into his eyes.

He doesn’t break eye contact with you.

The feeling he made you feel was familiar, it made your insides flutter and warmth grow inside of you. It was comforting. A feeling you got when Adrien looked at you.

“I’m always here. Always will be.” He says and with that he jumps away.

You kept watching his silhouette leap off of the buildings until he disappeared into the darkness.

Be-friending a super hero could be another reason why you wanted to stay in Paris.

Your mind wondered off to Adrien. He was probably worried sick about you. You should text him to let him know that you’re okay. You knew you weren’t ready to leave your room for the next week probably. You couldn’t bring yourself to put on a fake smile and pretend that nothing is happening. You simply couldn't.

You wondered if the masked superhero would come again.

Paris was your chance at a fresh start. Maybe that fresh start was short lived. or maybe this was just the beginning.

#mib #miraculous ladybug #chat noir #chat noir x reader #adrien agreste #adrien agreste x reader

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dewykth · 4 years ago

Text

SWEET SEPTEMBER.

a @periminkle and @dewykth collaboration.

synopsis. for many, september symbolizes new beginnings. but for namjoon, this month never fails to send him back into the past. though this time, something seems different.

pairing. kim namjoon | female reader contains. fluff, angst, slice of life au, ballet instructor!reader, single dad!nj word count. 7.5k+ warnings. death mentions, mature audience

dae’s note. surprise !!! this fic is dedicated to my favourite virgo karla @guklvr !! happy birthday bae i hope you enjoy this lil thing me n vira whipped up for u!! (i stress wrote a lot of this ha.) also sry for lying & keeping you up but hopefully this makes u forgive me. but i hope ur day goes amazing ILYSM DUDE !!! <333 and a huge thank you to vira for hopping on board for this idea bc i cld not have done this without her !!! pls give her all the love !!!

vira’s note. KARLAAAA!!! i always gotta scream ur name it’s mandatory to start with a good scream ykno? bUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL 🥳 i already told u this too many times today but ILYSM !! like that full day without saying a single word to u felt so weird and i kept going into our chat and rereading our mssgs and wishing I was talking to u??? which is weird to admit?? but that literally how much i missed u idk how but im addicted to u so if you leave me I will literally die :))) aNYWAY have the bestestestest day ever and i hope u love the fic bc I ignored all my uni work to finish this !!! (also i feel reallyreallyreally bad about last night sO IM SORRY AGAIN BUT I HOPE THIS IS WORTH IT) 💖

Despite the papers carelessly stuffed into his leather briefcase, the dark coffee stain on his black slacks, and his unkempt locks resembling that of a bird’s nest, Namjoon’s become accustomed to the hectic nature of his mornings.

The kitchen table is practically buried under stacks of files, yet he brushes them aside to allow one corner of the glass surface to peek through. He plops the toddler in his arms onto a high chair before racing to the counter and sloppily pouring some honey nut cheerios into a small bowl, handing it off to his daughter.

“Daddy?” her voice squeaks, a patient smile stretching across her lips. Her brown strands are tied up into pigtails at the crown of her head with pink ribbons that flutter with the movement of her tiny head.

“Yes, angel?” He scurries around to their bedroom, peeling the stained fabric off his body and threading one leg through another pair of slacks fresh from the laundry.

With Namjoon’s focus pinned on checking off the mental to-do list in his head, he misses the gentle, reassuring smile that stretches across her rosy lips. The adoration for her father is clear in her gaze. “You forgot to pour the milk.”

At the reminder, he squawks and hops back to the kitchen on one foot as he maneuvers his other leg through the pant hole. Swinging the fridge door open, he grabs the carton and sloppily pours the milk into her bowl—white droplets leaping out with their newfound freedom and forming perfect domes on the glass tabletop.

Cleaning the mess falls to the bottom of his priorities at the moment, and so he speeds off to the bathroom to ensure that his appearance is presentable for work while Dasom reaches over to pluck a tissue from the box, swiping the milky beads away before diving into her breakfast. She shoves as many cheerios into her small mouth as she can, rushing because she refuses to finish her meal in the car with their wild driver behind the wheel.

Despite her mere four years of age, she knows from experience that a bowl of cereal and a shaky vehicle is a recipe for disaster.

Namjoon races over to his briefcase with most of his hair sleeked back, only the locks of his bangs hanging out to frame his forehead. As he slips his dark blazer on to complete his form-fitting suit, Dasom scoops the last few brown rings into her mouth and slurps the remainder of the liquid.

“Did you finish your milk?” he questions while cramming the edges of the loose leaves that peek past the seam of his briefcase, hurriedly zipping it up and turning to face her.

Dasom flips the edge of the bowl up to display its empty contents, gulping the last of her breakfast down her throat. As per routine, she scans her father for any inconsistencies in his attire, landing on his odd fitting bottoms.

“Daddy, your pants are on backwards.”

His eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets, glancing down to affirm that the pockets at his sides are no longer at the front of his hips. Hastily, he shimmies out of his slacks once more and twists the fabric around to the proper orientation.

Dasom hops off her chair, her bowl and wet kleenex in hand as she waddles over to the sink and waits for him to deposit the dirty dish into the sink and the sullied tissue into the trash. Although her short arms couldn’t reach over the countertop just yet, she’ll diligently drink every last drop of her milk in hopes of growing tall enough to take some of the load off of her father’s back.

He hoists Dasom up at the sight of the red car pulling up to the driveway, squeezing into the back seat. Namjoon doesn’t have to tell the driver to book it, as the calm man in front has learned to keep his foot pressed on the pedal. The car weaves through the morning traffic with concerning speed, snaking through the other vehicles littering the road as if they were no more than stationary pylons, simply there for practice.

Dasom remains on her father’s lap with his arms looped protectively around the seatbelt over her torso. She sinks into his embrace, fiddling around with his long, slender fingers as she watches the blurs of colour speeding past the window.

“Did you put your ballet shoes into your backpack, angel?” Namjoon loosens his grip on her, unhooking one hand to rummage through his own briefcase in order to confirm that he had indeed slid his laptop within the chaos inside. To keep her entertained, he playfully extends his digits out of her reach.

“Of course!” she chirps, a wide grin revealing the gaps between her teeth. The pads of her fingertips brush against his palm and tickle the sensitive skin there when she realizes that her arms lack the length required to latch onto his hand. “I can’t wait for class, we’ve got a new teacher coming in today!”

Humming absentmindedly, he sighs in relief at the sight of the silver device and packs the crumpled papers back in. “What happened to Ms. Kim?”

“She’s teaching the older class now.” The pout on her lips can be heard within the muffled lilt of her voice when she continues, “I asked her to stay until my birthday next week b-but she didn’t.”

Namjoon’s breath hitches at the reminder, but attempts to compose himself for his daughter’s sake. “It’s out of her control, angel, plus she’ll probably swing by anyway.”

His mind starts to fog up with the emotions he thought he buried last year–they swarm his every thought and nibble away at his sanity. He knows better than to believe that they would ever disappear. September will always be an insurmountable month for him.

“I might be a bit late to pick you up later, just sit tight and wait for Daddy, okay?”

She eagerly nods in response, noticing the dull red bricks of her school coming into view. “Okay, bye Daddy!”

Namjoon unlocks the seatbelt, wistfully watching his toddler bounce out of his arms and onto the asphalt below. No matter how many times he drops her off, it’s always difficult to be separated from her bright smile, but he reminds himself that it’s all for her; it makes things a little easier to bear.

“Have a good day at school.” He reciprocates her frantic waving through the window, craning his neck to watch her adorable form become smaller and smaller with the increased distance. Her full cheeks and crinkled eyes are engraved into the back of his mind.

Before long, Namjoon finds himself rushing into his office after an earful from his surly boss about everything from the late hour to the long list of meetings scheduled to all the work he’s got piled up. With his lips pursed and his head bowed, he somehow manages to make it past another lively morning.

Namjoon has a habit of overthinking. He figures it’s normal when you have a stressful job and a four year old full of energy to balance all by yourself. Not that overthinking about his daughter does him any good, because that is far from the reality. If anything, it just makes him, what you’d call, a bit... overprotective (over worrisome if you asked Jin). But it’s something he can’t really help. Even when she had just entered his life, so small and so blissfully unaware of the awful and evil things in the world, all he wanted to do was hold her in his arms and shield her from it all as long as he could.

Though he’s very aware of the fact that it won’t be much longer, that won’t stop him from going over every single little thing that could go wrong in the meantime.

So, of course, when Namjoon’s asshole of a boss makes him stay two hours over his shift, all Namjoon can think about is Dasom. Is she okay? Has she eaten anything? Did she drink enough water today? She’s always dehydrated after her classes too. He usually calls Ms. Kim to check up on her, but his calls went straight to voicemail, which definitely wasn’t helping his hectic mind. Perhaps something had happened to her?

Oh god, maybe someone broke in and had injured Dasom?

The doors are thrown open, the sound of the doorknob hitting the wall reverberating through the room. The receptionist wearing her usual polka-dot dress jumps in her seat, eyes lifting from the intense scene on her phone to the entrance of the building. An unsure smile stretches across her ruby red lips at the familiar figure, though a bit disheveled and breathless. But before the customary ‘hello’ can even form on her tongue, the figure is rushing past her, leaving only a gust of air in his wake. The papers on her desk fall to the ground, and she sighs.

Namjoon is prepared to fight the (fictional) person who thinks breaking into a toddler ballet class is a good idea, but the scene in front of him once he pushes past the doors of the studio is one he is wholly unprepared for.

He sees Dasom first, and the relief that fills his body is indescribable. It’s far from the usual sight he’s greeted with when he picks her up late. She’s not sitting on one of the chairs in the far corner of the room. His heart doesn’t feel heavy, which comes with seeing his daughter so glum. This time it’s her laughter that greets him, not one provoked by him but by the figure standing in the middle of the room with her.

Dasom doesn’t seem to be aware of the presence of her dad yet, but the figure twirling her around turns, and her eyes land on Namjoon.

The reaction is immediate. The carefree smile that had been on your face slips off, a look of embarrassment and surprise overcoming your features. Namjoon only catches a glimpse, and somehow finds himself wishing that won’t be the last time he sees it. You let go of Dasom’s hand, quickly making your way to the stereo on the other side of the room. And that’s when-

“Daddy!”

Dasom wastes no time running into her father’s open arms, and Namjoon suddenly can’t remember why he was so worried in the first place. “Hi, angel.” he says, just loud enough for her to hear. She pulls back. “I’m so sorry for getting here so late. I promise i won’t do it again.”

But of course, Dasom holds nothing but forgiveness in her heart for her hard-working father. She does love teasing him, though. “Don't say sorry to me, say sorry to her.” she giggles, pointing behind her and Namjoon furrows his brow until he remembers they’re not the only ones in the room.

His eyes immediately move to where you stand awkwardly near the stereo, eyes moving around the room as if you hadn’t been watching the whole exchange. Namjoon sighs, realizing he definitely can’t avoid talking to you now. He stands straight, holding onto Dasom’s hand as he makes his way over to you. You only seem to grow more nervous as he nears, and Namjoon distantly recalls Jin telling him he came off as intimidating to most people. Something about his ‘beefy’ arms, in his own words. (“And that stupid and unfairly attractive face!”) He goes for a smile because it's not like he can control his physique.

“Hi, I’m so sorry about…”

Namjoon stops.

Maybe it was the overwhelming distress before, or the really shitty lighting of the studio, but he hadn’t realized how pretty you were before. But now he’s standing right in front of you and he can’t seem to form a coherent thought. Pretty can’t be the right word. He realizes how creepy he probably looks, running in here like a madman and then downright staring at the (very beautiful) woman who looked after his daughter? Not cool, man.

You clear your throat, before extending a hand to him. “Hi, I’m ____, the new ballet instructor.”

Your voice sounds just like honey.

Namjoon stares at your hand dumbly, before the sound of Dasom snickering (very discreetly) behind him snaps him out of it. But instead of introducing himself, or apologizing, or just taking your fucking hand, he says-

“What happened to Ms. Kim?”

He mentally face-palms.

Not. Cool. Man.

Your face falls, and Namjoon has never wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole more than he does now. “Uh, she’s instructing the teen class now.” you chuckle awkwardly, dropping your hand.

“Oh-”

“Daaaad,” Dasom's voice sounds annoyed, and perhaps it’s a bit silly of Namjoon to feel like he’s being scolded, but that is exactly how he feels right now. “I told you this. In the morning. Remember?”

He doesn’t. “Ah, right of course,” Namjoon scratches the back of his neck. It wasn’t like he meant to forget, he had just been too busy thinking about the other things every September would bring. “Sorry, I’m Kim Namjoon. Dasom’s dad.”

This time he offers his hand, and he thanks the skies above that you don’t seem to hate him because you fit your hand against his. Warm, like honey. How long had it been since he last made a fool of himself in front of a pretty girl?

Too long.

“I’m terribly sorry for arriving so late it’s just that my boss, who’s a huge-” Namjoon glances at Dasom, who is now in her own world, singing some song she learned in school, “jerk, decided to assign these reports last minute and the printer would just not work and then traffic hour-”

Your hand comes up to cover your mouth, but Namjoon can see the amusement bubbling in your eyes. He flushes a deep red, eyes falling to the floor, realizing he started ranting.

“It’s okay. Really.”

When he looks back up, there’s a smile on your face. Not like the one before, this one was more reserved, but genuine, reassuring. And just like that, he’s sure you don’t hate him.

Namjoon’s not sure he likes this feeling though.

“Straighten your arms out, girls!” you belt over the classical music that floods the studio’s walls, scanning your army of toddlers in tutus whose arms immediately tense at your command. Making your way through the row, you poke and prod everywhere from their shoulders to their ankles. “Arch your back more, Somin.”

Their muscles violently tremble in response to the strenuous routine you’ve introduced, facial features scrunched in concentration and a resolute will to uphold their positions despite the hyperextension of their limbs. A mix of pity and pride swells in your chest at their effort. “Keep your chins up, the annual recital is only a couple of days away.”

Cheers erupt throughout the small room, disrupting the focus and spoiling their perfect form, yet you refuse to quiet excitement because of the renewed vigour buzzing throughout the room. The next hour depletes all of their built-up energy with demi-piles, pirouettes and sautés.

A glance at the analog clock in the corner informs you of the five minutes remaining before the end of class, so you pause the speakers and instruct the girls to stretch themselves out as they wait for their guardians to trickle in. They collectively sigh in relief before dropping to the floor like flies.

You snort at their dramatics with an amused smile playing at your lips. “I said to stretch, not to lay down and nap.”

“Can’t we nap and stretch at the same time?”

Strolling over to the source of the voice, you cluck your tongue at her limp form sprawled across the wooden floor and cross your arms, struggling to keep your giggles from breaking your angered facade. “And how do you suppose we do that, little Miss Dasom?”

She flashes her toothless grin up at you. “Like this!” With one leg bent over the other and her hands looping around to hold her twisted limbs to her torso, she shuts her eyes and exaggerates her snores.

At this point, it’s nearly impossible to withhold your snickers, and the rest of the class joins in your laughter. You pick up on Dasom’s tinkling giggles between each of her heavy breaths. The lighthearted jokes continue as kids are signed out with bright grins on each of their faces.

You wait for the rest of the toddlers to file out one by one, waving goodbye and checking them off your list until, as usual, Dasom is the only toddler left. Her tiny feet still clad in her faded ballet shoes waddle up to you, tugging on your blouse.

“Your pirouette was a bit wobbly today, do you want to go over—”

“‘M tired,” she interrupts, slouching her shoulders with an adorable frown marring her lips. Her exhaustion is justified, since the routine is rather exhausting, and with their recital right around the corner, you worked them to the bone today.

The odd timing of the switch between you and Ms. Kim left you with a little under a week to tweak and perfect their current choreography. A sloppy routine is not the way you want to present your skills to their parents for the first time, thus you were stricter with the kids than normal.

Your sympathy wins out, and so you gather Dasom’s lithe figure into your arms as you head to the closest wall. With your back supported, you spread out your legs and place her in your lap.

“My birthday is this Thursday.”

“Mhm,” you hum, bobbing your head to signal for her to continue her train of thought.

Her back faces you, but when her head tips down to stare at her hands, you know she’s contemplating her words carefully. Rather than encouraging her to speak freely, you wait for her to feel comfortable enough to reveal her thoughts; and surely enough, her shell cracks open just enough for you to peep through. “Do you wanna come?”

“I would be honoured.” A giddy smile splits across your lips. “Is Daddy picking you up again today?”

She flips around in your hold, wrapping her arms around your waist and snuggling her head to your chest. Her words are muffled into the fabric of your thin shirt, but her tone indicates her affirmation.

Suddenly self-conscious of your heartbeat—that Dasom can definitely hear with her ear pressed up against you—picking up pace at the mention of her father, you suppress your thoughts with a guilty conscience. You internally chide yourself for harbouring feelings for the charming, taken, man, defying arguably one of the most important fundamental rules of becoming an instructor.

Do not develop silly crushes on your student’s parents.

“Ms. ____?” her faint question snaps you out of your reverie, attention brought back to the present moment. While preoccupied, your hand took on a mind of its own, gingerly patting the space between the little girl’s shoulder blades at a slow rhythm.

She gazes up at you when you halt your rhythmic movements, sharp eyes boring into yours. “Are you gonna ask Daddy to come see me dance?”

The edges of your lips flip up in what you hope to be an encouraging smile as you nod your head. Subconsciously, you begin to stress over another encounter with Namjoon, formulating a script to hopefully avoid the stiff, tense atmosphere that lingered throughout all your previous interactions.

“Daddy’s always really busy,” she slurs, drowsiness coating her words and weighing down on her lids. Grumbling under her breath about her numb legs, Dasom crawls onto the floor beside you with her head resting on your thigh. “He’s always working hard for me.”

Your eyes soften at the fetal position she’s taken up on the ground; not only was Dasom lucky to have such a dedicated father, but Namjoon was also blessed with a caring daughter. “You don’t think he can make it?”

“It’s okay,” she whispers and you have to crane your ears to listen. You stroke the strands littering her forehead, gingerly caressing the crown of her head. “It’s okay if Daddy can’t come. I know him, he’s trying to do it all because Mommy’s not with us anymore, but it’s okay. I still love him even if I can’t see him lots.”

A knot forms between your eyebrows, a bittersweet ache forming within the creases of your heart. The painful constriction of your chest ebbs and flows with your shallow breaths that can’t seem to make it past your throat. You bite your lip to subdue the plentiful liquid gathering at your waterline.

No more than a croak escapes your lips before the door to the studio flies open, meeting the adjacent wall with a bang!

“I’m so sorry, my meeting ran late and I couldn’t—” the rest of his speech gets stuck in his windpipe at the sight of you, eyes rimmed red and sniffling, with Dasom, ostensibly dead asleep, on your thigh. “Did she…?”

You blink away your incoming tears, although your dignity has been completely thrown out the window, seeing as he believes that his four-year-old kid made a grown woman, who just so happens to be her ballet teacher, bawl her eyes out.

As you go to gently shake Dasom awake, she sluggishly lifts her head off of your lap and starts to scale your torso like a koala on a tree. Your confusion is vocalized through the high-pitched hum in your throat, but your efforts to pry off her limbs, tightly wound around the small of your waist, are futile.

“Uh, Dasom? It’s time to go home now, angel.” Despite his firm words, Namjoon’s tone is unsure and shaky; he can feel cold sweat build up in the lines of his palms. He knows his daughter, and she can be periodically stubborn and insistent the way children are at her age, thus even as you come to stand, she’s stuck to you like glue. “Would you, uh, did you need a ride?”

You mimic the sheepish smile on his face, hoping the flaming blush you feel on your cheeks isn’t as visible as it seems. “Sure.”

With Dasom latched onto you, both of you make your way to the red car outside after you lock up the studio. Namjoon courteously opens the car door for you, what with your arms supporting his clingy toddler; although, with the brute force he uses, you worry for the state of the hinges. Thankfully, they stay intact and he’s able to slip into the backseat after you.

Before an awkward silence can settle, you clear your throat and prepare to ask him about his day, but you’re interjected by Namjoon’s sudden stammering, “D-driving’s such a hassle for me so Jin drives us everywhere. Jin knows how to drive though, so, don’t worry.” He finishes with a deep chuckle that dies off nearly as quickly as it began. Oh, that’s unexpected.

“You don’t to drive yourself?” Rather than being processed in your brain and logically thought through, the question immediately enters your mouth without any prior scanning for dumbass-content. You instantly regret it, feeling as though it’s much too invasive. “You don’t have to answer that, I—”

The hearty laughter that meets your ears is “No, I do. Sometimes. But its easier raising this one like this.” His tone turns sweet at the mention of Dasom as he reaches over to pat her head, and you’re overcome with an intense desire to prod more into his personal life. Why does he have to work so much? Which shirt in his closet is his favourite? How does he like his eggs in the morning?

“I’m not sure if you already knew about the annual recital on Saturday, but Dasom’s been practicing really hard for weeks and the kids are all really talented, so it would definitely be worth your time...”

As he’s gazing at his daughter, galaxies of devotion and longing swirl within his cocoa irises. The cool light of the moon shines through the windows of the car, illuminating his sharp jawline and strong brows. You’re absolutely mesmerized by the sight in front of you. “You must be really busy, huh?”

“More than I’d like to be.”

You rip your entranced gaze away from Namjoon, willing yourself to steady your frantic breaths.

The remainder of the ride still drips with awkward tension, although with a definite lighter tone than before. Jin pulls up to your apartment with your direction and you dislodge a sleepy Dasom from your torso, which is much easier now that her limbs have gone slack with sleep. Handing her off to Namjoon, who practically engulfs her tiny form with his broad chest, you rush out of the vehicle with a quick, “See you!”

You slam the door closed before he can say anything, racing into the comfort of your home with your heart in your throat.

The last thing you had expected to do on a Thursday evening was to go to a birthday dinner. Thursdays are your days off, your in-days. The ones you spend lounging on your couch with a face mask and some wine. And yet, here you are.

When you received a text this morning, the last person you had expected it to be was Namjoon. Much less Namjoon asking you to come over for Dasom’s birthday. You weren’t going to say yes, hell, you had thought of downright ignoring it. It was weird, wasn’t it? But Dasom had quickly carved a toddler-shaped hole into your heart. Truly, you had said yes before the message was even typed out.

And so now you stare at the tall apartment building in front of you, definitely feeling more nervous than before. You knew that Namjoon had to be well-off to afford a weekday chauffeur, but damn did you not expect him to be this well-off.

It seemed today was the day to expect absolutely anything.

You enter the opulent building, signing in at the front desk before entering the large, mirrored elevator. The beating of your heart picks up the more floors you pass, and you can’t help but fidget with your appearance. Namjoon had said it would only be you three, which you guessed was supposed to calm your nerves but really, it did anything but that. The mere thought of eating dinner with Namjoon was nerve-wracking. But now you were about to eat dinner and enter his home; you had no fucking clue what you were getting yourself into.

The doors slide open, and you step into the hallway. A single door could be seen at the end of the hallway, so you quickly make your way over. You stop right in front, taking a deep breath in before pushing the doorbell. A beat, a crash, another beat, then-

The door swings open, and your breath catches in your throat.

Namjoon looks heavenly as always, but seeing him in clothes other than his usual black slacks makes your heart do a cartwheel. God, this is dangerous.

“Ms. ____!”

Before Namjoon can form a hello, Dasom is running past him and wrapping her small arms around your legs. “You came! See daddy! I told you she’d come.” her tongue pokes out of her mouth, aimed straight at her father and you stifle a laugh.

“Did he think I wouldn’t?” you ask, eyebrow arched as you glance at Namjoon, who seems to have a permanent pink hue on his face.

“He said you wouldn’t!”

“Oh, really? What else did he say?”

“He said I had to help him clean either way!”

“Alright, Dasom. That’s enough.” He says firmly, clearing his throat and trying to act as unaffected as possible. His eyes shift to meet yours. “Why don’t you come inside?”

As much as this day really sucked for Namjoon, today had been… different. Not all too much. Of course, getting up was the hardest part, but he had decided to make Dasom her favourite breakfast meal instead of her usual cereal. He had also made sure to get her all the toys she had been wanting, and planned their day out to do Dasom’s favourite things. Namjoon just wanted this day to be special for her. That was all he cared about.

But when Dasom had asked him to invite you, he had hesitated.

Dasom had never spent her birthdays with anyone else but Namjoon. Not that it was intentional, but Namjoon liked to have this day just for the both of them. Because that’s how it’s always been. He didn’t know what it was about you that made his daughter talk about you all the time. Or why she wanted to spend a birthday with you. But how could he deny her? And so, the text was sent.

And now, as Namjoon puts away the dishes while you sit on his couch, he realizes he hadn’t thought of her today. Not as much as the years before. Dinner had been so... nice. It felt nice to have someone else around. Namjoon loves Dasom, but he hadn’t realized how distant he had gotten from everything that had once seemed to be the centre of his life.

Namjoon closes the dishwasher, exiting the kitchen and making his way to the living room. He places the two glasses on the table before pouring the dark red liquid.

“I hope you like Merlot.”

“Oh, please. Anything’s fine.”

You take the wine glass, sending him a thank you before taking a drink. “So,” you lean back, “remind me how to play this again.”

“Ms.____ I told you. You have to take a block without knocking the tower over,” Dasom shows you by pushing a middle wooden block out, “then you have to place it on top, like this.'' She places the same block on top of the tower.

“Ah, right! I just need to make sure if I want to win.”

“You can’t! I’m the best!”

“Oh really? And what about you?” you turn, brow raised and eyes playful.

“Pshh,” he scoffs, leaning forward. “Who do you think she takes after?”

He doesn’t think he’s ever lost a game so quickly.

Namjoon watches as you close Dasom’s door quietly from the hallway before you make your way back to the family room. “She’s out like a light. I guess all that tower building got to her.”

Namjoon snorts. He feels oddly disappointed as he watches you gather your things to go. Was it weird that he wanted you to stay? “Do you need me to get you a ride? I can call Jin to drive you home.”

“No, it’s fine! Really! I already ordered an Uber anyway.” You grab your coat near the door. Before Namjoon can unlock the door, you touch his shoulder. “Listen, thank you for inviting me today. I know you probably wanted to spend this day together instead, but I... “ you inhale, because you aren’t sure of what you want to actually say “thank you.”

Would it be weird to say how much better you made today? Probably. “You don’t… have to thank me. I think I should be the one doing the thanking. I really wanted this day to be special for Dasom and you… you definitely helped. So, thank you.”

The door opens, and the light of the hallway fills his dim flat. “Guess we’re even then.” you smile before turning, making your way to the elevator. Namjoon shuts the door once the sight of you is gone, but the smile on his face remains

“Guess we are.” he whispers wistfully

Perhaps stopping at a flower vendor when you’re already running late was a bad idea, but Namjoon wasn’t thinking about time. He had seen the bouquet of flowers and imagined the huge smile that would stretch across Dasom’s face, and that was all he needed to swerve into the left lane.

Now, though, as he anxiously watches the cars in front of him move a foot forward after thirty minutes, he’s sure he should have just left the fucking flowers alone.

Namjoon doesn’t know how long he’s been shifting his eyes from the traffic to the watch ticking around his wrist, but by a miracle, the cars start moving. Slowly, then he’s speeding down the highway, praying to the skies above he’ll make it in time. Even if he arrives in the midst of the dance, he can’t miss this recital. He won’t.

He sighs in relief when he sees the familiar glass building, though it’s cut short when he sees the parking lot. No available place in sight. Fuck. Namjoon is sure he looks insane right now, swerving around the parking lot in search for an empty spot, or really just any fucking spot that looks like it could fit his monster of a car.

Then the clouds seem to open up, and right near the entrance is a vacant spot. Namjoon swears his mouth almost waters at the sight. Quickly speeding around the lot, he parks, but not before flipping off the angry parent who tries to beat him to it. Namjoon exits his car, quickly grabbing his coat and the large bouquets of flowers from the backseat. He runs to the entrance, practically throwing the shriveled paper at the ticket clerk.

Namjoon slows as he nears the theatre doors, taking a deep breath before calmly opening it. He had completely forgotten to book seats in advance, so he’s not surprised to see the velvet seats filled to the brim. When he looks to the stage, he’s relieved to see that there’s still time until Dasom comes on.

Now, Namjoon knows he’s not the most… balanced person. It’s common knowledge that he trips over his feet and knocks things over sometimes. (Oh, but definitely more than the average person.) Now, if you were to ask Namjoon if he pays attention to his surroundings, he'd say yes.

But if you were to ask Namjoon what he tripped over, he wouldn’t know. It doesn’t matter, because now there’s a furious mother with a horrendous bob cut glaring at him, and what he thinks to be a broken camcorder on the floor. The only thing he can manage is an awkward smile and an even more awkward apology. Namjoon offers to give her the cost for repairs, hell, even offers to buy her a new one. The woman snatches the bills from his hands but she doesn’t go back to minding her business like he thought she would. No, instead she starts to argue with him, in the middle of her child’s recital, no less!

Namjoon can’t do anything but stare at her as she blabbers on about how horrible he is for throwing her camcorder on the floor. (Not like it had much life left, that thing looked like it was from 2007.) She’s damn near spitting on his face, and causing other parents to turn around and glare at them. As if it was his fault. Who knew she had such an attachment to the damn thing!

A hand lands on his shoulder, and for a second he’s sure it’s security ready to escort him out of the building. But when he turns, he’s surprised to see it’s you. Like an angel had ascended from the clouds to save Namjoon from the wrath of a ballet mom. And just like that, you’re leading him away, taking a seat two rows before the stage. Namjoon’s eyes widen at the sight of the empty seat beside you.

It’s that feeling again, and Namjoon’s palms start to get sweaty as he takes a seat. “Jesus, thank you for that,” he whispers, relishing your quiet laughter that follows.

“Of course. She was probably a blink away from going full-blown Karen on you.” you tease.

“Oh, and that wasn’t?”

“Oh, Joon, you haven’t seen how angry ballet moms can get.” you both laugh, huddled together as if you’re sharing a special secret. It seems so natural. As if this is where he’s supposed to be. So much that Namjoon almost doesn’t catch the nickname, but how could he miss it when you say it just like she used to?

The stage lights darken, and Namjoon is grateful for the excuse to look elsewhere. He’s sure if he would have stared at you for just a bit longer, he would have done something completely and utterly stupid. “This is her.” you whisper, and Namjoon buries the thought away.

A blue hue shines across the stage before the soft melody begins to play, filling the room with the sounds of strings and keys. One by one, tiny swans begin to come into view, prancing around the stage. Namjoon catches sight of Dasom, looking adorable in her white tutu and he can’t help the proud smile that makes its way onto his face. He watches with adoration as she does her pirouettes, and maybe there’s some water overflowing in his eyes as they finish their dance, bowing towards the audience.

You both stand, clapping and cheering the loudest, uncaring of the stares from the snobby rich parents because you’re both too damn proud of Dasom to care. For a moment, Namjoon pretends that it’s different, simpler. That it’s not only his child on stage but yours. Ours. He thinks he likes the sound of that too much.

Once the show ends, you lead Namjoon backstage where the buzz of dozens of girls talking fills the air. You tell him that you need to check in on the other kids and disappear through a hallway. He spots Dasom quickly, or rather, she spots him.

“Daddy! You came!”

Namjoon lifts Dasom with his free arm, twirling her around before placing a big kiss on her forehead. Her giggles fill him with delight, and he doesn’t care that his cheeks hurt from how hard he’s been smiling. “Of course I came, angel. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

He places her on the ground before he grabs the bouquet of sunflowers from his other arm. The sight of her favourite flower makes Dasom jump with joy. She takes the flowers, and Namjoon silently coos at how much smaller they make her look. Then she spots the other bouquet of flowers in his arm. She scrunches her brows together, about to ask who those are for before her eyes catch something behind Namjoon.

“Ms. ____!”

“Dasom!”

Dasom jumps into your arms, and you laugh at her enthusiasm. “You did so well! I’m so proud of that pirouette!” You twirl her around once her feet hit the ground, smiling as you watch her stumble slightly. Namjoon can’t help but smile too.

“Look what daddy got me, Ms. ____! Look!” Dasom lifts the flowers up, almost shoving them into your face.

“Wow, these are very beautiful, Dasom!”

“Look! He got you some too!” she giggles, and you look at her confusedly then at Namjoon. He sighs, looking pointedly at Dasom despite the cherry hue making its way across his cheeks. She giggles once again before running to her friends. “Dasom!” but it's futile.

If it weren’t for the consistent chatter, Namjoon’s sure there would be an agonizing silence to fill the space between you. You walk closer to him, looking down at your shoes bashfully. “Ah, these-” he takes the bouquet from his arm, “these are for you.”

You looked surprised to say the least. Eyes wide and glassy, your mouth falling ajar. “Wow, uh, really?” you ask, glancing up from the bouquet. He nods shyly.

Listen, he had only planned to buy Dasom her favourite flowers. But then he caught sight of these beautiful yellow roses, tips painted a light amber orange. Somehow they reminded him of you. And the way you had left him with his heart feeling lighter for the first time in years the other night. Maybe it was a way of saying thank you. He’ll admit, he didn’t think it all the way through, but the way you’re smiling at him right now makes him think it wouldn’t have mattered anyway.

There’s a moment where it seems to just be you and him, despite the tons of parents and children running around. He’s only focused on you, and the way your eyes drop to his lips, if only for a millisecond. Namjoon wants to say it. God, he wants to say it so badly. “Listen I… I’ve been meaning to ask you,” his voice fades away as his eyes catch yours. Hopeful. Beautiful. Glimmering.

Just like hers.

“Do you, uh, need a ride home?”

And the bubble bursts.

You step away, looking at anything but him and he hates it. He despises it. He wants you to look at him like that again. He wants nothing more than to pull you back and kiss you senselessly, like his mind is screaming for him to do. But he can’t. He can’t do it for some fucking reason and he almost wants to cry in frustration because why can’t this just be easier? Why is it so hard to move on? You don’t deserve this. You deserve so much better than what he can offer you. And that thought keeps him still.

“Uh, sure.”

Quiet.

Say something, idiot! Tell her what you’ve been dying to say! Just fucking say it!

Namjoon hates himself for the next words that tumble out of his mouth.

“Let’s find Dasom.”

The drive to your house is just like it was before, except this time there’s no chatter to fill the emptiness. Dasom is sound asleep in the backseat. You've never seemed more distant than now, facing the window, body pressed against the door. You had almost begged to go in the back with Dasom, and Namjoon doesn’t know why he didn’t just let you.

How did it come to this? This wasn’t what he wanted. This night wasn’t supposed to go like this. Everything should have gone differently.

He doesn’t know how he’ll ever fix this. If things will go back to normal. If he completely ruined it. But he’s too afraid to ask. Too afraid to know.

Namjoon has never hated the quiet more.

The sight of your apartment complex fills him with dread. All he can think about is all he wants to say, all he should have said, all he wants to take back. God, Namjoon wishes he could take it back. If only there was a way to turn back the time. Why had he been so afraid to make a move? Why did it hurt so much? But he knows going back wouldn’t help. Not when he doesn’t know if he would have done it differently.

His car comes to a stop, and the doors unlock. He faintly catches the small thank you before the passenger door slams shut. Namjoon watches as you make your way up the pathway, feet moving briskly and it feels like he’s watching you walk away from him.

You’re shuffling through your bag, looking for your key. And fuck, is he really just going to this go? Is he that stubborn that he can’t see past himself? He can’t. He can’t let you go. Not like this.

Well do something, dumbass!

The door of his car is thrown open, and before he can overthink it-

“____!”

You still. You turn.

Namjoon shuts the door. He walks up the steps and stops a few feet away from you, but he feels like he’s miles away. You look up at him, questioning. Your eyes aren’t the same ones. Not like you looked at him before. Yet they’re still warm. Inviting. Namjoon is tongue-tied, and all those words he wanted to say are gone now.

“Are we… good?”

“Why wouldn’t we be?”

“I just…” he scratches the back of his neck. “That moment back at the recital. I… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” you say, simply. When he looks at you, he can’t tell what you’re feeling. You’ve blocked him off. “Namjoon, really. It’s fine.”

But is it really? He wants to ask. But he doesn’t. It’s quiet again, this time the sound of the wind rustling the browning leaves above filling the space. Still.

“I… god, I don’t know why this is so hard. Ever since, you know,” you don’t. “I… I didn’t think I'd ever get an opportunity to…” he inhales, unsure of what he wants to say first.

“I just feel like I ruined it so carelessly.”

You don’t say anything for a few moments. You only stare at him, really stare at him. Like you can see through his mirage, through the walls he’s spent so long building up. You’re taking it all, but there’s nothing he can take back from you.

“You didn’t.” you whisper it so quietly, Namjoon would have thought his mind had taken pity on him. But a smile slips onto your face. Unlike the other ones. It doesn’t fill him with joy. It doesn’t give him butterflies. This one hurts.

And he knows you’re telling the truth.

“This… It might take a while.”

The wind picks up. The leaves rustle. The cold, biting.

“That’s ok. I’ll wait as long as you need me to.”

Your lips are bittersweet on his tongue.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN TO KARLA !! ILYYYY <3

#bangtanhq #btsbookclub #ficswithluv #btsguild #btsgoldnet #cypherwritersnet #namjoon x reader #namjoon angst #kim namjoon x reader #kim namjoon x you #bts x reader #namjoon fanfic

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singingforthepromises · 4 years ago

Text

fruits basket manga lb (chs 131 - 133)

CH 131

We’re learning about the origins of the curse now. Oh boy.

The cat went to God first ;A;

omg the cat died first....

God saved it!

Oh, the cat didn’t want to have eternal life... and the others and God took that as rejection.... seriously? So petty, honestly. I love learning about how it happened but I’m just like... wtf. It’s like all of this generational trauma could’ve all been avoided if God and the animals hadn’t misinterpreted shit LOl

YUKI’S CRYING ;A;

I totally understand Yuki’s feelings here. It must be hard. You’re free, but you’re also letting go of something that was a part of you for so long, something that helped shaped who you are, no matter how negative a situation.

AH AJSFJSJF HE CAN HUG HER NOW OH MY GOD I TOTALLY FORGOT IM SOBBING

MACHI IS SO CUTE

She’s calling him by his first name KSFJSJFJSF

AHHH THEY KISSED! ENDGAME YUCHI! <3

“When did that promise turn into a curse?” What I’ve been asking since since the very beginning rofl

AKDGDKG KYO’S SHOWING KAZUMA HIS BARE ARM IM ;A;

KAZUMA IS SO HAPPY SJJDG

Haru and Rin!! <3

omg look at Tohru pulling on Kyo’s shirt how cute

is Tohru gonna see Akito? <3

SHE’S HUGGING HER! I LOVE THIS! I love that Akito can see that even after the curse has been lifted, Tohru wasn’t lying about being there for her, about being her friend. Akito needed this, honestly. I’m very happy with the resolution of their rivalry. I’m happy with how the curse broke.

“The Cat’s wish... wasn’t granted... until much, much later.” IM CRYINGGG

CH 132

Starting the last volume... this is so depressing, I don’t want this story to be over.

Akigure time, lol.

Oh is this the final banquet?

IT’S SO NICE TO SEE RITSU AGAIN!! <333

“Things might be a bit tense.” Oh, I’m sure. I don’t think it’s all going to be sunshine and daisies. Akito may be behaving a hell of a lot better and changed her ways, but there’s still a lot of pain here, pain that she directly caused. I’m interested to see how this is going to go.

LOL @ momiji calling Kyo a cheater we love to see familial teasing!

I love that they’re not all awkward around each other. It just goes to show that a lot of their genuine personalities poked through even among the curse. They all do have a bond, curse or no curse. And it’s very nice to see Kyo being actually included in that bond.

lool fucking Ayame, man. I love him.

Aww is Yuki kinda sorta looking out for Kyo around Ayame? I love this.

HAHA

“Akito’s ready to see you.” sfjsjfsj

OH WOW.

Look at her? She looks so pretty?

RITSU LMFAO

Oh, Shigure got her that kimono.

Yeaaah, this is what I’m worried about with Akigure as a ship. Akito’s better, but she still has a tendency to fly off the handle if she thinks she’s being slighted, and it makes me worried about how they would handle dispites and arguments without getting physical like that, you know? I’d hope that she’d do it less and less as time goes on.

“All of you are free. And this may come too late, but for everything... I’m...” Oh my god. Is she trying to apologize?

She can’t, though. It won’t come out. I bet she probably feels like sorry isn’t enough, in some ways. How do you apologize for a lifetime of suffering that you’ve caused, the trauma inflicted on other people?

I guess Akigure are official, lol. I mean, I’m glad that Akito’s getting a somewhat happy ending. Shigure, I still don’t like him but he’s a fantastic character.

Akito’s gonna stay at the estate and be the head without keeping anyone shackled to her. That’s as good of an ending as I could’ve anticipated for her. I’ll be honest: I still feel like she got off a little easy. She should’ve faced some legal consequences, at least. But I don’t dislike her like I used to. She’s definitely come around and I’ve partially forgiven her.

I’ll talk more about my feelings about Akito and everything once I’ve finished, but that’s where I am right now.

CH 133

AHHH KYORU. THEY’RE OFFICIAL!

loool who is Mayu talking about?

OH Yuki and the others know about Akito being a female now? Nice!

“I can’t believe I was so violent... to a girl.” KYO. MY BOY. Omg what a sweetheart? Honey, she was violent to you, too.

“The last thing I wanted was another guy interested in you.” LMFAOOOO

YUKI’S DYING

“The mood between the two of them has become somewhat gentler than before.” Somewhat? Girl, they’re friends now, and I’m loving it. It’s so cute.

“He beat the crap outta me.” YES LOL

“Kyo-kun smiles more than he used to. I’ve come to realize that this is his true self.” ;A;

oh my gosh THEY’RE SO CUTE.

How are they even cuter now that they’re dating?!

“Walking together, hand in hand, isn’t something that I’ll ever take for granted.” I’m cryinggggg. ;a; My babies.

NOT TALK OF A KYORU BABY MY HEART CAN ONLY HANDLE SO MUCH.

AND GRANDPA KAZUMA!! HE’D DOTE ON THAT KID!

What’s wrong with my bby girl Isuzu? :(

“Not everyone... is in the same situation.” Ah, yeah...

“How can you act like nothing ever happened? She did all kinds of nasty stuff to Kyo. And she hurt you a lot too. Those wounds will never disappear, will they?” I 1000% understand Rin here. I was waiting for this to be brought up!

Oh, Isuzu, my poor girl.

This might change later on, but as of right now, I don’t fully forgive Akito, either. There’s just too much that she did to too many people. Like Rin, like Yuki, like Kyo. Even Hatori. I’m generally a forgiving person, but I have a hard time with abusive characters. Maybe it’s from my own past, being a survivor of abuse. Being around it and knowing how they are just impacts you differently, I guess. I don’t know if it’s right to say that maybe people who haven’t experienced abuse are able to forgive easier.

I haven’t forgiven my abuser, and I never will. Do I still understand why they did it, why they are who they are, and do I still empathize? YES. I feel a lot for people. I feel a lot for Akito on a positive note, and I’m so proud of her progression. She’s a hurt woman who deserved better and who hurt people because she was in so much pain herself. She hasn’t been able to break free of her abuser or heal yet. She needs a safe space to do that, and she’s beginning to learn to be better and be a sweeter person. Tohru showed her that.

But like Rin, I can’t fully forgive her. If Tohru hadn’t done what she did, hadn’t reached out to Akito, Akito never would’ve changed. She would’ve continued to be horrible and not feel regret for the things she’s done. I appreciate that she was trying to apologize, though. And there are things that I’ve forgiven her for. It’s the worst indiscretions that I can’t. How she treated Rin and Yuki, specifically. I know that she was projecting with Rin. But Rin was a child and an abuse victim herself. Out of all of them, Akito could’ve related to her. Akito knew. She used that instead to hurt Rin, and that is the one thing that I’ll never be okay with.

“They’ll need time. A whole lot.” Yes. And even then, it may not be enough. Some scars run so fucking deep that even time doesn’t help. I’ve healed from my trauma. It doesn’t impact me anymore. I’ve learned how to cope and move on and now utilize those skills to help others. I think time will help, though, and it may allow others to forgive Akito later.

Distance is the key here, I think. If they’re not around her, maybe forgiveness will come easier.

Wow, Akito taking what she learned from Tohru and reaching out to the maid? We love to see it.

#fruits basket #fruits basket spoilers #fruits basket manga #fruits basket manga spoilers #liveblogging #abuse tw #because i discuss it

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meadows-of-light · 3 years ago

Text

Prompts 300-499

300) Just seeing you makes me believe that heaven does exist.

301) I found my missing piece the very day I met you.

302) I will never forget the first time I met you.

303) You make sadness disappear with your cheerful smile.

304) I want you to meet my family.

305) I think I forgot how to breathe.

306) Nobody told me love was this hard.

307) You make me feel things I’ve never felt before.

308) I never knew what the word “perfect” meant until I met you.

309) Without you in sight, the world is a lot less beautiful.

310) Be you, no one else can.

311) I love your laugh, your smile, the way you get excited, the way you jump around when you're happy, the way you sleep, the way you stick your tongue out a little when you're thinking, & the light in your eyes.

312) Whenever you need someone to be there for you, know that I’ll always be right there by your side.

313) You are the reason that I believe that there is still good in humanity.

314) There's nothing in this world I'd take above you, the world is so much clearer with you in my life & I know all I need is you.

315) The world can be dark, (name), & uncertain & cruel. The only thing that matters is that we face it together. No matter what happens, you are my light.

316) I want a family, a future, with you.

317) If we take risks, we take them together.

318) As long as I'm with you, I'll go anywhere.

319) A person could not ask for a better partner, a better conscience. You are literally the best person who has ever had the poor judgment to hang out with me. I love the way you laugh, & your upside-down mouth, the way your face looks when you watch movies.

320) I love you, (name). I loved you when I couldn’t remember you. I loved you when I was dead. I think I always will. I love you too, (name). I loved you when you didn't even know it.

321) I want to spend the little time I have left with you & only you.

322) May I have this dance?

323) I like your hair like that.

324) You're safe, I won’t let them hurt you.

325) Love is never kind; love is confusion & pain & abandonment. It’s every single nightmare your mind has been plagued by & yes, it can unmake you in ways you never thought were possible, but love - it will remind you what it’s like to be human.

326) There are shooting stars in your eyes & every time I look at you, I make a wish to be able to kiss you one last time.

327) I don’t think I ever want to be parted from you. I don’t think my heart could take it.

328) My hands are not clean & maybe they never will be, but they can still carry you home when you’re ready to sleep.

329) Never forget what you are, the rest of the world will not wear it like armor & it can never be used to hurt you.

330) If you are lost, battered, broken, alone- I’ll help you find your way back home.

331) So many things went wrong in my life but the one thing that went right was you.

332) Even if it means giving up my life, everything I’ve done, I’ll do it for you, in a heartbeat.

333) Every time I see you, I fall in love with you all over again.

334) I’m not sure when it happened, but I fell in love with you, & it was the best thing I’ve ever done.

335) Do not be afraid of the monsters, make them afraid of you.

336) You need to wake up because I can't do this without you.

337) You cannot fathom the distance I would travel for you.

338) I see the way you look at her/him when you think I'm not looking.

339) You may not have been my first but you're definitely my last & that's what matters.

340) That's what falling for somebody is, it's being vulnerable & giving up control.

341) Don't you think for a moment that you failed me. You stayed my hand. Quelled my rage. You inspired goodness in me & unlike all of the souls I've encountered & forgotten in the long march of time... I will carry you with me.

342) Do not be afraid. You go now where many have gone before you & where even I will go in time. Just know, there will be no more pain. No more heartbreak. You will find peace.

343) Forgiveness isn't as easy as you think.

344) Family defines you, even if it demands sacrifice.

345) You really think that?

346) I may be an idiot but I'm your idiot.

347) I still haven’t figured out how to sit across from you, & not be madly in love with everything you do.

348) Before you, I was falling through the ether of life, lost & alone. I’m not lost anymore. I’m falling, still, but only in love with you. That is why I want to continue falling through life, with you. Will you marry me & finish this fall through life with me?

349) I don't know how to exist in a world without you.

350) I can’t bring myself to unlove you, it’s too damn difficult.

351) How is it possible that I'm in love with you?

352) There will never be a day when I won't think of you.

353) You're cuter in person.

354) Take my jacket, it’s cold.

355) I'm here, with you, beside you, to guard you & to guide you.

356) All I needed was my friend.

357) There’s no sacrifice that I won’t make. I'll risk it all to keep you safe.

358) You still remember?

359) I guess I wanted to know if you missed me.

360) Cause I'm here to stay through the good & the bad times.

361) But I don't wanna leave.

362) Breathe, okay? Breathe.

363) Stand behind me.

364) I smile thinking back on where we stood before & where we stand now. We’ve come such a long way & I wouldn’t trade a second with you for anything in the world. I never expected for you to enter my life the way you did. I never expected to fall in love again. I never expected to smile at the thought of someone again. I thought I was broken & hopeless, but you took my hand & told me we’d conquer the world together. To this day I’m still holding your hand & loving every single thing about it. I thought it was impossible to be this happy, but you proved me wrong.

365) Thank you, my love, for making me smile on the days where things seem to never go right. Thank you for making me feel like the most beautiful person that has ever existed in the world (even though I know that's not true whatsoever). Thank you for listening to all my rants & for dealing with my craziness, which is uncontrollable honestly. Thank you for sticking by my side when I try to push you away, I really don't deserve you. Thank you for your undying support because without it, I'd be so lost. Thank you for saving me from drowning in my own thoughts & shining light when I thought there was nothing but darkness. Thank you for everything...without you, there wouldn't be a me. You make me want to be a better person & not even for you, but for myself. I love you & even if we're not together in the future, at least I'd know that the light does exist in this world.

366) I got you, it's okay.

367) I was trying to protect you!

368) Thank you for showing me what it's like to make a true sacrifice. It's all about saving the ones you love.

369) I'm not ready to lose you yet.

370) Get out.

371) Maybe you didn't love me/her/him after all.

372) I/You loved you/me.

373) Go ahead, laugh at the girl who loved too easily.

374) Yes, I was there.

375) They're not your kids!

376) Death had been her curse & her gift & her friend for those long years.

377) How could I ever forget about you?

378) I don't want you to stop.

379) Just smile, I really need to see you smile.

380) I'm not wearing a dress!

381) I'm not wearing a tie!

382) Please put your things away.

383) Does he know about the baby?

384) Hold still.

385) I just ironed these pants!

386) Enough with the sass!

387) Her head & her heart have not been in agreement for quite some time now.

388) They say nothing lasts forever but we'll prove them wrong.

389) She made broken look beautiful & strong look invincible.

390) You're the legacy this family has always desired.

391) This is who I am now, but I'm still me.

392) When you care about people, hurt is a part of the package.

393) Was it harder to die or harder to be the one that survived?

394) I can show you more than I can tell you.

395) Quit touching me, your feet are cold.

396) I wore envy, I hated it, but I survived.

397) May these memories break our fall.

398) She lost him/her/everything.

399) I can't remember.

400) In the end we only regret the chances we didn't take.

401) They say you die twice, first when you stop breathing & the second time a bit later when someone says your name for the last time.

402) I guess some people are born with tragedy in their blood.

403) Every story needs a memorable detail.

404) Where there is light, there will always be darkness.

405) Her eyes, they used to shine so bright.

406) Please don't leave me.

407) I thought you didn't want me.

408) I'm no longer weak little (name) anymore.

409) To fight the unthinkable, you have to be willing to do the unthinkable.

410) I have lived a thousand lives.

411) But beautiful mosaics are made of broken pieces.

412) It's hard to remember the people we used to be.

413) Thank God I don't look like what I've been through.

414) Family, where life begins & love never ends.

415) To a father, nothing is dearer than a daughter.

416) I sing for love, I sing for me, I shout it out like a bird set free.

417) Not all monsters do monstrous things.

418) You're always one decision away from a completely different life.

419) The future can always change.

420) Her intuition was her favorite power.

421) It's funny how fast everything can change.

422) She was brave, strong & broken all at once.

423) Her strength was stronger than steel.

424) You are the reason I have something to fight for. A family.

425) The mother daughter bond is one that is unbreakable.

426) Her soul was fierce; her heart was brave & her mind was strong.

427) Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.

428) There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss you.

429) How strange to dream of you even when I'm wide awake.

430) It was her chaos that made her beautiful.

431) Close your eyes & don't think.

432) Hard times make you stronger.

433) Fear cuts deeper scars than swords.

434) She had beautiful eyes, the kind you could get lost in.

435) I desire things that will destroy me in the end.

436) Make it look pretty but train it to kill.

437) You're in charge of your own destiny.

438) We'd never allow anything happen to you sweetheart.

439) One look in my eyes made you run, because I'm coming to eat you alive.

440) As time goes on, she grows stronger.

441) The one who challenges death, the one who does not fear death, the one who sees death, the one who wants to die & the one who's died before.

442) I was fearful of the monsters, so I became a monster too.

443) We remember those who have hurt us.

444) Yes, there is weakness, there is frailty but there is also courage.

445) Don't say that.

446) Are you in pain? No, I'm okay.

447) The hunted became the hunter.

448) When I'm with you, I feel safe from all the things that hurt me inside.

‘449) A woman’s heart is an ocean of secrets.

450) Behind the most beautiful eyes lay secrets deeper & darker than the mysterious sea.

451) Their life brought us hope.

452) Death doesn't discriminate between the sinners & the saints. It takes & it takes & it takes & we keep living anyway.

453) They gave their life so others might live & they live on in our memories.

454) I tried so hard & got so far but in the end it doesn't even matter.

455) Never stopped trying, never stopped believing.

456) A rock in a storm, a light in the darkness. He gave hope to us all.

457) We give thanks for the time we had.

458) Gone to join the angels.

459) & then suddenly for no apparent reason everything started to fall apart too quickly to fix.

460) All the good memories that still linger make me miss you even more.

461) This pain, it feels familiar.

462) Everything I loved became everything I lost.

463) What are you smiling about?

464) You must be the reason for global warming because you’re hot.

465) I will fight for you until my heart is black & blue.

466) I’m not sure what peace is supposed to feel like, but I think it may feel a lot like you.

467) I will never fray from you, never abandon you. I am forever & infinitely yours.

468) What am I supposed to do when I can’t even trust my own mind?

469) It doesn’t always have to be you, you know? Your shoulders aren’t the only ones that can bear the weight of the world.

470) I don’t think hearts break. Shattered things can only be broken once but torn things can be mended again & again until it’s all scars & stitching.

471) Don’t you understand? I love you & nothing you’ve done, no matter how much of a monster you think you are, is gonna change that.

472) I’ll still be here when you wake.

473) As long as I have you, the rest doesn’t matter.

474) I'm not sure I should leave you alone.

475) Everyone thinks being immortal is so fun but honestly, being able to die sounds a lot better.

476) I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around.

477) You can change my day with a single word, you'll never know how much it hurts.

478) I hate it when I blame myself, I hate it when I cry, I hate it when my makeups rolling down my eyes, I hate the way you look at me.

479) Are you gonna give me a reason to stay or are you gonna let me throw it all away?

480) If I'm already broken, there's nothing left to break.

481) How could the fearless become so afraid?

482) The ones who are closest feel so far away.

483) Down this broken road I need you to know that I might make mistakes, I might change my ways, but I'll never let go.

484) We might fight sometimes; I might lose my mind.

485) See, I let you be part of my whole truth even with all the shit that we go through & yet still you're the one I come home to when we said we both hated each other but without one another we suffer. There's no doubt in my mind there's no other, no other but you.

486) If you hear me leaving in the morning, could you just pretend that it was only wind?

487) Could you hold me without any talking?

488) We could go back where we started.

489) If I woke up with you in the morning, I'd forget all the ways that we're broken.

490) For a second, I forgot about everything.

491) I think I still remember your taste but if I don't then could you please remind me.

492) I know that you hate that I got more to say.

493) You never tried to understand.

494) No one knows what goes on inside my head.

495) There's a new kind of poison & it's starting to spread.

496) They don't think I need help but I'm scaring myself.

497) All the voices in my head are coming to life, they're getting louder & I'm terrified.

498) How do you run from your own mind?

499) I really thought we built our bond in love & understanding. But I realize we didn’t. We built it on proximity & touch. The farther we had gone away from each other, the more we forgot how to love each other.

#dialogue prompts #writing prompts

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whumping-every-day · 4 years ago

Text

@newbornwhumperfly I see you. Congratulations, you made the poor boy cry. 😂

TW’s: Pet whump, belting/threat of belting/past belting as part of long-term captivity and torture. Creepy-caretaker-turned-temporary-whumper, Gabriel’s fucky headspace, trauma response.

“B-but I-” Gabriel’s voice wobbles, blue eyes big and questioning. “I d-don’t, I don’t want to do that. Please don’t make me do that.” He flinches visibly at the phrase bad boy, and he whines softly, shaking his head. “Please,” he implores.

But the compulsion is unrelenting; Gabriel knows what he has to steal even before he’s in his Master’s office.

The cream carpet muffles his footfalls, and it makes Gabriel feel even dirtier and sneakier - ungrateful, a distant voice whispers. He almost hopes to be caught, but there’s no sign of either of his owners as he nudges his way into Master’s office.

The black thumb drive is inconspicuous, but Gabriel knows what’s on it. He knows how long his Master has been working on his latest architectural project... just like he knows that all the plans for said project are backed up on the drive.

Gabriel pockets it, and it’s a hideous feeling. His Master and Mistress have been nothing but kind, they’ve loved him when no one else did, brought him in from the cold... and here Gabriel is, putting his filthy hands on things that don’t belong to him.

His pocket is heavy as he returns to the sunroom and curls back up with his coloring book, and try as he might, Gabriel is unable to forget the flash drive's presence as the time trickles on by.

It’s only later that Gabriel understands the full implications of your original command. But the tell Master what he did part is still to come, and once again, when the time arrves, Gabriel is helpless.

“Gabriel, sweetheart? Were you in my study?”

Ice breaks out along Gabriel’s spine, too hot and then too cold. Master has never hurt him, has never used his strength to frighten or hurt. He’s careful, and patient, and gentle, and even if he did hurt the boy, Gabriel would forgive him without pause. Even so, the weight of that tone pitched in disappointment makes his knees shake.

Gabriel turns, and he opens his mouth to say no, maybe, or just jump straight to I’m sorry. Instead, what comes out is,

“I took it.”

“You - took hmm?” Master is genuinely surprised; Gabriel sees him do a double-take, just like he sees the moment when Stefan falters.

“Whhh- what, no,” the man muttered, and a hand comes up, clutching into his temple. “I - no, I don’t want to do that-” It’s like he’s hearing a command that Gabriel can’t, and when Stefan fights it he doubles over in pain, groaning through gritted teeth.

“Fuck!” Gabriel skitters a step back purely on instinct, pulse pattering away in his neck, a little shock of adrenaline shuddering through his system. His Master straightens again, and Gabriel can’t read the look in his eyes.

It’s a cold wash of horror when Master puts one of those massive hands on his belt and says,

“I can’t believe you would do that.” Gabriel sniffles, and he digs into his pocket and wordlessly holds out the thumb drive. There was nothing in your initial command about not giving it back, and Gabriel knows he’s already in so much trouble but it’ll be so much worse if he tries to hide it.

“I’m s-sorry,” he gasps desperately, and Master growls and snatches the drive from his hand.

“Bad boy,” Stefan snaps. “Bad. You know you shouldn’t be in there - some of that is sensitive information, you know the rules.” Gabriel cringes, hangs his head low in shame. “You need to - hhhghg. You nnnneed to be - fuck.” There’s a moment where it’s clear that Stefan is fighting against something. But the resistance is crushed and blown aside like charcoal, and he’s left winded. “Punished,” Stefan gasps out, “you need to be punished.”

The way Gabriel steps back instead of crumpling to his knees is evidence of how far he’s come.

Stefan has never once used his size to intimidate. He knows how big he is, and he’s always mindful of the effect his presence has on a room. But this time he shoves closer, and he can feel the way Gabriel cowers from him, bleating softly in panic.

“P-please-” Gabriel has the sense to scurry backward, and he meets the edge of the fireplace and stumbles, catches himself with a hand against the wall. “P-please, Master, it was - it was an accident-” His voice breaks on the last word, and Gabriel makes a high, soft noise as his Master slips his belt off through the loops.

The quiet sshhkkk and matching clinking is enough to drive Gabriel to his knees.

“I’m sorry,” he sobs openly as he watches his Master fold the belt. Gabriel’s shaking from the shock of it - he’s always been afraid, in some corner of his mind, that this would happen some day. He’d known it would - slow, stupid, simple pet, of course even his benevolent Masters would lose their patience. And yet somehow, now that it’s happening, Gabriel is still surprised. Surprised, and hurt, even though he has no right to such a thing.

“Y-you, you promised.” Gabriel has already crumpled inwards, going small and scared again, but there’s something like betrayal, even accusation in the words. You promised, Gabriel thinks. Safety, comfort, mercy, whichever it was, they’d built him up for so long…

“Those are the rules for when you’re worth a damn,” Stefan says coldly, and Gabriel wilts.

He can do it. Gabriel’s breath hitches at his Master’s measured footfalls. It’s been a long time since he took the belt. He’d been good at it, with Second Master, but he’s out of practice, and through the blur of tears Gabriel is already trying to figure out if Stefan will want him to scream or hold it in.

It’s about time he figures it out, Gabriel thinks bitterly. He’d always known they would hurt him eventually. At least this is something he’s familiar with.

“Take off your shirt,” the voice says, and suddenly it’s not Stefan any longer, just Master.

To his knowledge, there is no rule against his sniffling and crying, and Gabriel weeps silently as he pulls the shirt up off over his head, wincing as the motion tugs at the one angle that his shoulders can’t seem to tolerate.

There are no bruises on his skin now. No previous workmanship, beyond that which was carved into him too deeply to ever disappear.

He folds the shirt, sets it aside. If he bleeds, it will stain his pants, and possibly the carpet too. Gabriel considers begging to be beaten in the dining room instead, to make it easier to clean up his own blood later… but then the shadow of the belt moves in the corner of his eye, and he flinches and whines like he’s already been struck.

“Hush now.” Master’s voice is an angry rumble, but he’s entirely calm. “Thirty strikes,” he says. “As punishment for stealing from me. And another ten,” he adds, “for being in my study in the first place.”

Gabriel’s throat is already closing up, but he just nods his head miserably.

“Please,” he whines pitifully. “ ‘m, I’m ss-so, so sorry-”

“Oh, you fucking will be,” his Master snaps, and terror thrills sharp through Gabriel’s veins. “Present yourself.”

The command is iron, and Gabriel shudders out another miserable sob and bends forward at the waist. He tucks his arms under himself, out of the way. The cool air tickles against his bare back, and Gabriel continues to cry silently, hands braced into fists as he waits for the first blow.

[END]

Tagging the Gabriel gang this time <333

@robinsdoghouseofwhump @pepperonyscience @angelsuperwholock @pennsss @silver-sparrow-462 @silverinkgoldenquill @kestrelsparverius @learningtowhump @shameless-whumper @latenightcupsofcoffee @thebluejayswhump @what-huh-imconfused @vickytokio @captivity-whump @pink-and-purple-flowers @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @adventuresofacreesty @kyra-plays @cagefreebirds @whumpywhumper @blue-flare10 @whumptywhumpdump @whumpywhumper @maybeawhumpblog @fallingstormphoenix @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @infreidel @shadowicepuma @justanothermaltesegirl @whump-in-the-night @theawesomeawkward @promptnations @whumpity--whump--whump @maraudersmarvelwhump @haro-whumps @whumposaurus @deluxewhump @nervous-writer @doublebubblebitchqueen @mortifiedwhump @whump-tr0pes @comfortforthepain @kungpao-giffy @whumps-the-word @burtlederp @whump-only @nervous-writer @sola-whumping @whumpeeee @lave-e

#whump #pet whump #begging #fear #belting #abuse #threats #abuse tw #belting tw #creepy whumper #creepy caretaker #punishment

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wannawrite · 6 years ago

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혼자야 - forever rain 🌫

blog navigator !!

day6 masterlist~

group: day6

members: park jaehyung, kang younghyun

genre: platonic, brotherly "fluff" :">>

a/n: jaehyungparkian but written with no intention of making it gay HAHAHAHA i really love their relationship +++ I WAS IN SUCH A BIG WRITING RUT so this was birthed ¡¡¡ originally a reject of my youngk series (when you love someone) LOL

imagine that brian doesnt know jae well yet and vice versa yEA HAHAHA this takes place before congratulations era~

_________________________

Just as the clouds shrouding the city in mist had so subtly predicted, it had began to rain, and it had began to rain mercilessly.

The raindrops fell from the clouds, plummeting towards Younghyun's bangs at a lightning pace as if the seemingly harmless, rolls of white and grey had finally reached its breaking point and decided to offload their anger on the public.

Gradually, with each droplet gathering into one big puddle, and escalating into a waterfall, he could see the drops draping precariously on the rough tips of his brush shaped bangs, as if he was wearing beads on the tips of his hair.

Younghyun sighed as a song he held dearly to his heart, the song that spoke for their hustling generation, Forever Rain started to play, perfectly in sync with the now, unlike him. He had sighed a lot of times today, but that was most probably, his expression to life most of the time.

His songs, too, were sighs of his own. Younghyun's self written songs were never a voice of his own-they were simply a insignificant puff of hot steam, emanating tiredly into the air like a ball of wispy feathers only to disappear into thin air two seconds.

This song on his phone too, was a sigh.

A beautiful sigh.

Just like you

If I could

Just knock on somewhere

If I could kiss

The whole world so hard

Would someone welcome me

Maybe embrace my weary body

His pretty, gradually angled eyes looked up to the sky with the gaze of a baby lamb-innocent and demure. The world seemed to stop for him as he saw the beautiful teardrops of the sky pour down, knocking furiously onto his shoulder and asking for an invitation to come in.

The clouds were of white, grey, and dark grey hues, all layered vaguely together in a gently fierce gradient as their feelings oozed out onto the lamp posts, from the tips of Younghyun's raven locks to the edges of his tailor made black shoes, skimming to the depths of the drain.

The sky when it cried was so beautiful, and so unjudgemental to whoever it poured out its feelings to.

However, beneath the curtain of his clustered, jet black hair hid Younghyun's gentle sigh-in the knowledge that he'd never be able to do the same with his group members.

Still, for the first time since he had come to the thriving, fast paced city of Seoul, Younghyun felt raw, enveloping love drip through every vein in his blood as he stood upright amidst the care of the rain, and listened silently.

____________________________

"Younghyun! What the heck, why are you standing like that there? You're a soaking mess, get over here!"

Revelling in the quiet of the rain caressing his ears gently and quickly, Younghyun hadn't noticed anything amidst his little zone of peace until his ears opened before his eyes did. Standing across the road was a tall figure with a striking, red umbrella domed over his even more striking blonde bangs.

"Wait, I'm sorry, I just-" Younghyun struggled to gather his words, scrambled across the road like the rain puddles as he broke from his standing position, with rising fear of disappointing his friend in his chest.

"You don't have to apologise. I know you've always liked the rain, you told me that." Jae laughed in his low, boyish voice before placing a hand on Younghyun, who had finally came back to reality and started to approach his friend. Knowing very well that it wasn't the reason for him standing there, the younger boy couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt surface to his forehead as he nodded slowly.

As both of them walked to the venue with a sudden, yet somehow not so awkward silence hanging around them, Younghyun knew, with an uneasy feeling in his heart-that someone that took to socialising like a duck to water, would never understand the pleasure of having something as insignificant as the rain to accompany them.

"H-Hyung?"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever felt lonely before?"

The squeaky sound of Jae's rubber soles ceased with his question, and they stopped walking, in sync with the previous calmness that had soothed Younghyun.

Filling the awkward silence was the pattering of raindrops, crashing louder on the field of ridges in the pavement but a little softer on their umbrella.

Suddenly, the rain didn't seem so comforting after all.

"Lots of times." Jae suddenly spoke to break the silence, with an unreadable, blank expression on his face. Not being able to see a smile spread across his dashing, clear cut features felt very foreign to the younger boy, and seeing Jae feeling lonely, felt just as foreign to him.

Surprise was evident on Younghyun's face as he susceptibly raised an eyebrow.

"You're joking." he said disbelievingly.

Jae shook his head quietly. "No, I'm not."

He looked to the floor with an unusual maturity emanating from his gaze, and paused for a bit before speaking again.

"Just because I have a lot of friends doesn't mean I don't feel alone."

Instinctively and unconsciously, Younghyun's lips parted ever so slightly, gaze transfixed sharply onto the sad sliver of light skating across the curves in Jae's small, miniscule pupils.

He never really saw Jae this sad over something as small as being alone. Over being away from home, sure-over occasional fights with members, sure-but never, the hollowness of not having someone by your side.

Then, an uncheerful-maybe even condescending, maybe even bitter laugh slipped through the gaps of Jae's loosely clenched teeth.

"Ah, Younghyun, I really, really can relate to All Alone more than you think I can." he said, tone a lot more gentle than before before continuing, "It's funny, isn't it? When you have so many people surrounding you but it makes you more lonely than you were before."

Slowly recalling the sting of past incidents, Younghyun found himself nodding as he replied, "Yeah. It really just feels like...just feels like..."

"No one really cares."

The same words had come out from the mouth of two seemingly different people.

Then, with a brief exchange of glances, Younghyun started to giggle with an understanding, almost happy feeling in the crease of his eyes, and in turn, causing Jae to giggle back.

They both stood stupidly in the crowd, in the prominent presence of the storm clashing behind them-laughing, laughing and laughing, before reality hit their smiles like a brick and put a halt on their silly fit.

"H-Hey, Younghyun-or should I say, Brian-" Jae teased, with the corner of his smirk digging a small dimple at the side of his lips and earning a slap from Younghyun- "whenever you feel lonely, talk to me, yeah? We can be lonely together."

Casually, he hung a lazy arm around Younghyun's shoulder, eliciting an endearing, hearty laugh from the younger boy.

In turn, Jae's smirk softened to a smile.

"I'm totally cringing at myself for saying this, but-I'm always there for you."

Feeling the warmth amidst the cold weather beneath the laces and crosses of Jae's soft, red jumper, Younghyun's heart blossomed a small spark of warmth himself-a warmth he had never felt upon arriving in Seoul.

"I'm always there for you too, chicken-hyung." he smirked, masking his gratitude well and subsequently, arousing a strong reaction from Jae. "Hey, excuse you, since when were you-hahahahaha-allowed to-HAHAHAHAHA-tickle me?!"

In the rain, as two children played, beneath his squeals of laughter Younghyun thought inwardly-that if this was really the after effects of the rain, he wanted it to rain forever.

THE END

_____________________

forgive me for how absurdly cliché this story is, this is just a warm up LOL i was having writers block after church camp but ughhh i learnt sm and grew sm spiritually <333 my life has honestly changed forever and isjdjsjsjdjs im so SOOOOO thankful rnnn hhh

anywaY like this was originally supposed to follow up w my current youngk series but i didnt really write it w my emotions so i was largely unsatisfied ://// so it was an unfinished reject sitting in my notes for a while and i really never intended to publish it HAHAHAHA until i realised i hadnt wrote in ages and then liKe i felt so so empty nd i felt like i had forgot how to immerse myself properly whenever i tried to start a chapter so all of them came out really fake and it was like a 8 year old composition quality work LOL but anyway even tho im not that happy w this either i needed smth to write (without having to think up an opening LOL IM WORST AT STARTING A STORY) to help me grasp my emotions better again <33 so i started today at "H-Hyung" HAHAHAHHAAHA obvi it has to be about my 2 day6 biases uwuwuwuwuwu

IF YALL CLDNT TELL BTW THe sCOPE OF THIS STORY WAS LARGELY INSPIRED BY MY MANS KIM NAMJOON UWUWUWU stream mono guys he deserves it :3333 alt this mixtape has been getting a lot of hypE BUT hehehe idk ilh and forever rain especially :)

also i apologise if yall are getting sick of seeing so much day6 on this blog lol as u can see i have been SO SO hooked onto their music and knowing more about them so ;------; i will write whilst i have the most inspiration to do so !!

thanks for sticking by my shitty posting times rip :"""" this is also to revive the blog because l and i r on vacay watch it slowly die for the next few days iM SORRY :(

from your favourite chicken and briyani enthusiast ^3^

(WILL BE EDITED SOON)

#admin n #day6 #jaehyungparkian #uwu #park jaehyung #kang younghyun #responsibilities = neglected #sorry for being dead

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tcm--holland · 7 years ago

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simple pt. 3 // peter parker

word count: about 3.5k

a/n: wtf almost 80 notes on pt. 2?? i love you guys thanks so much for the support it really boosts my motivation to keep writing!! this is actually edited whoa and warning for profanity. also idk what to do now that this story is done, so pls pls send in any ideas if y'all have any! just ask if ya wanna be on the tag list! sorry that this is late, life came by and made me super busy, and thanks for reading <333

part 1 | part 2

masterlist

_________________________

When Peter Parker started being apart of your life, his timing couldn't have been better. As Spider-Man, he made you want to save the world and gave you the confidence you didn't know you lacked. Even when you screwed up as S/N, he stood firmly by your side. As Peter, he gave you something to look forward to at school. He made all of your anxiety disappear with one mischievous smirk. He made you feel something special inside that you simply couldn't describe.

It's been exactly one month since you talked to him that day on the roof. Ever since then, life has gotten dull, like a pencil that you lost the sharpener to so you try to make the best of it.

He tried to talk to you so many times, but never in person. You can't find the courage to talk to him in person, either. He sent you pages and pages of text messages containing apologies. Some are just a few words and others are paragraphs long. You haven't replied to any of them. You don't have the courage to do that, either. Every time the thought of Peter returns to you, you can feel your heart break a little more. Maybe it hurts so much because for the longest time, he was the one good thing in your life. Maybe it's because he broke a long held promise.

"Spidey?" You asked one day as you swung your legs back and forth at the edge of the roof.

"What's up?" He turned to face you, head tilted to the side slightly.

"I want to make a promise. We can't hide anything from each other anymore."

Spider-Man stared at you for a few seconds, then shrugged. "Okay! Well, my name is -"

"No, no! That's the only thing that we should hide. I meant anything other than our identities. You know, you don't have to worry about what I'll think if you're honest. That's the only reason why I got mad when you finally told me why you weren't coming every day." You rubbed your arm and frowned.

"Wait, so you don't actually hate Mr. Stark?" He sounded surprised.

"I mean, the guy didn't do anything to me or you. I might heavily disapprove of the guy, but I don't hate him, no."

"...You're right. We should be honest with each other. But what if one of us finds out the other's identity? Then that kind of messes everything up."

You thought about this for a while, trying to come up with a solution. "Tell the other person. I think the other would figure it out eventually. I mean, you're smart as hell and I'm pretty okay too. So might as well tell them, right?"

"Well, yeah, but what about the secret identity thing?"

"If one already knows, then there's no point in upholding that anymore. The only purpose of not telling each other who we are is to keep things simple," you smile under your mask and shrug. "It's okay, you're probably someone I don't even know. But we have to keep each other's secret if that ever happens. We'll figure out the rest when we get there."

"Okay. Promise to keep the secret and to tell each other everything," Spider-Man nodded. You held your pinky out to secure the promise. Chuckling, he wrapped his pinky around yours.

Only then did you nod back. "Promise."

A tear slips out of your eye, glistening in the fluorescent lights of the Chemistry classroom. Come on, you can't cry in the middle of a Chemistry test. You quickly wipe it away and write faster, teeth gritted in determination. How did it get to the point that you can't even go through the day without remembering Peter? For a second, you glance at Peter only to see that he's been staring for a long time now. Shit, he caught you. Your eyes momentarily meet. In that fraction of a second, it feels as though you saw through to his internal torment. A heavy weight sets on your heart, one that doesn't let go even when you look away to get back to writing.

Towards the end of class, your teacher stands up and starts announcing some kind of project. You're hardly listening as you stare at your shoes. Maybe you could forgive him and just forget about this whole thing. Then you could just hug him and...and...

You think you might start crying again, but you bite your tongue as hard as you can without making yourself bleed. You feel the familiar strain on your forehead as you do your very best to not let your classmates see your tears. That would be an embarrassing situation to explain to your teacher.

No, of course you can't forgive him that easily. You've told Peter how much you hate dishonesty. But he tossed that right out of the fricking window, knowing how you'd feel. What a prick.

"Hey, don't look at each other yet. Since it's a short project that shouldn't take you longer than a few days, you'll just be working with the person next to you." Groans and mumbles fill the room, but your teacher isn't having any of it. You hear people near you cuss under their breath.

Whatever, another project shouldn't be that big of a -

Your train of thought stops immediately when you realize who the person beside you is. Oh hell no. No no no no. What is this, some kind of movie? This doesn't actually happen in real life, right? There is absolutely no way this is real.

He catches your gaze. In your case, this does happen in real life. It's not so weird when you remember that you live in a world where the Avengers, like, exist. You try to sound as professional as you can when you speak to him. If you ever make it big as a superhero, you're sure you'll have to be great at that skill around people you're not necessarily on good terms with. "Uh, okay. So I can get books from the library to use as some of our references. Or the internet. That works, too. And like, we need a plan. Also, this is obviously not going to get done at school, so um..."

You mentally curse a little for being so awkward. It was all structured and nice in your head, and then it came out the way it always does. So much for professionalism.

Peter's listening intently. "I could come over," he says eagerly. You look at him, silent with your eyes narrowed. "Uh, if you want, that is. You don't have to do anything. I was just suggesting it...even though it didn't really sound like a suggestion. I just thought it would be ideal, 'cause you live closer to school than I do and..."

You stare hopelessly, watching him gradually get more and more tense. He's so damn cute. The look in his eyes is just as you remember from that one day in Chemistry. It feels like it was just yesterday. It's the unmistakable look of shy adoration that's so unique to him. You wonder how he can still be like that when you can't even bring yourself to smile anymore. It looks like nothing can take away his excited nature.

"Peter," you say softly to get him to calm down. You haven't said his name out loud in a long time. Even when you talked to Iris about him and shared your issues, you never referred to him by name.

He stops immediately, his cheeks starting to redden in realization of his rambling. "Y-Yeah, I know I should shut up."

"That's not what I was going to say. I was just going to tell you to come over today. Uh, maybe not right after school."

"Oh, okay," Peter says, sounding a little breathless. Seeing him like this takes your breath away, too. "I'm busy after school too."

"I know." You look away, lost in your thoughts once again.

After school, you do your best to clean up your room. You stuff the clothes on the floor into a laundry basket and toss stray papers into your recycling bin. Once your bed is made and your room looks better, you sigh. Your eyes float up to the suit on your shelf, neatly folded. It's dusty and the equipment needs to be updated, but you don't even think about touching it. You look away before you can get any ideas. You know that deep inside, you miss that part of your life. You just want to kick ass and leap around trying to be as cool, like some of the bigger superheroes.

You sit on your bed and do your other homework as you wait. The hours tick by, one by one. You even start planning out the project, sketching out all the details so that the only thing that needs to be done is the actual work. You clean up your room some more, starting to get a little bored. You comb your hair and tie it back. At six-thirty, you start thinking he might have stood you up. Maybe he got busy being Spider-Man. Not that you're upset at him for that. You know that the job gets busy sometimes. You pick up your phone to call him, but then set it back down before you do.

At eight, you're sure he's not going to show up. You sigh and sit on your floor. What if something had happened to him? Maybe he needs your help, and all you need to do is call him. Guilt twists in your stomach. You turn to look at your bookshelf and the many books you've collected over the years, telling yourself that everything is okay. A new one about spiders sits on the edge of the shelf, its receipt tucked into the cover.

You turn back to your window and yelp a little. There, sitting in your window in his suit with a slightly bent churro in hand, is Peter. He always freaks you out when he sneaks up on you like that. He hasn't even changed out of his suit, but at least he brought his school bag.

"Sorry for being...late..." He pants, holding out the churro to you like a rose. "Thought I'd...grab something along the way." He clutches his side in pain.

You stand up and rush over to him, frowning. Grabbing the churro and his bag, you set them aside. "What happened? Did you get hurt?" You help him in, worried.

"Oh, uh, it's nothing, Y/N," he reassures in a way that only has the opposite effect. He slides off his mask to reveal scrapes and bruises on his face. There's a little smile on his face, much to your confusion.

"Peter, what the hell did you do?" You make him sit down on your bed, bringing your hands to his face. When you do this, his breath hitches. As your thumb skims over his cheek gently, he winces. "Sorry," you say quickly, frowning deeply.

"Hey, you should see the other guy! I had to knock him out for the police to get him. Crazy! I hope I didn't injure him that bad though...do you know if knocking people out hurts them a lot?"

"I don't know anything about medicine, Spidey! And who cares about him, look at yourself!" In your panicked state, your nickname for him slips out. You only realize this after you've said it.

"It's okay," he says as if everything really is okay. How is this okay? He's so calm, it's kind of scaring you. There's a distant look in his eyes, like he's not really completely aware of his situation.

"What is wrong with you? Why are you not freaking out about this? Are you drunk or something?" You exclaim, trying to snap him out of it.

Peter blinks. "No! I'm fine, really. It gets worse than this sometimes, so I don't know why-"

"It gets worse?" Your eyes widen, wondering why he suddenly can't handle a few purse snatchers. He shrugs indifferently. "Okay, uh...I-I'll get ice or something. Dude, why are you here? I don't even know where the band-aids are in my own house!"

"The project," Peter says simply. You don't like him like this. You just wish he'd make a joke or something so at least you know he's being normal. Come on, Peter!

"The project." You're trying not to get pissed off at his utter disregard for himself. "The project? The goddamn project? You go and do this to yourself, and the only thing on your mind is a stupid Chem project?"

"Uh...yeah...?"

Your eyebrows draw together. He's starting to make you feel like crying. "Peter, please. Tell me what's wrong. You're seriously freaking me out. Are you okay?" You ask the last question with more emphasis this time, tilting his chin up to make him look you in the eyes. His normally clear dark eyes are bloodshot, and there are purplish bags under them.

A beat passes before he responds. "No."

You look at him for a long time, trying to figure him out. His hair is a sweaty mess, and...has he been crying? You swallow, doing something you never thought you'd get to do again

You lean over and wrap your arms around him. "Ow, ow, not there," he says gently, and you quickly move your arms. He's warm, but that might just be because he was just leaping around buildings for the past few hours.

He rests his forehead on your shoulder. With your other hand, you smooth the hair out of his face. God, he looks awful. How did he manage to get himself beaten up this bad? Millions of questions form in your head, none of which you know the answer to.

You know he's crying when he starts shaking. Your shirt is going to get soaked, but you don't care. You hold him a little tighter. "You can tell me anything," you remind him quietly, but your voice breaks at the end.

"I miss you, Y/N." The way he says it, it shatters you completely. His voice is raw and rough, full of so much emotion that you weren't prepared for. Your lip trembles slightly and threatening tears fill your eyes.

"I-I can't be Spider-Man. Not if you're not there with me, Y/N, I just can't. I need to hear your voice through my suit, because I can't focus on anything anymore. I can't fight without you." Your throat tightens, knowing that your situation hasn't really been much better. You quit being a hero that day because you knew you couldn't keep doing it on your own. And it's been killing you since.

All of your previous hatred for Peter disappears like nothing. You can't even bring yourself to be angry at him anymore. You don't care about what he did. All you can see is how hurt he is now, and how he needs your help. You close your eyes and let yourself cry as his voice continues

"I never wanted to hurt you. When I found out that you were S/N, I got scared. I thought you wouldn't like me if I was more than regular Peter Parker to you. But I was stupid to think I could make it work. I know I broke our promise, and I'm so sorry for that." You stare out your window, tears streaming freely. You should've been there out with him. All of the emotion you bottled up for a month comes pouring out in a rushing torrent. You somehow kept it all together for an entire month. You avoided him whenever you could, you ignored his texts and calls. You did everything you could, and it tore you apart inside to do it all. Only now are you feeling the pain you pushed away then, deep in your heart.

"Please look at me." You look at him, and he lifts his head to face you. Gently, you set a hand on his cheek.

"You don't have to say sorry anymore, Peter. I forgive you. I forgive you." You rest your forehead against his, trying to calm down so you can stop crying.

He finally wipes his tears away with the sleeve of his suit and does the same for you before looking into your eyes. It's only now that you realize how close you are to him. "I-I love you, Y/N. I always have, I just didn't know until now." He whispers, leaning in slightly.

You close your eyes and kiss him, gentle and sweet and everything you expected. You've never kissed anyone before Peter, so you're going entirely by instinct. His arm reaches around your waist and tugs you closer. His other hand rests on your cheek, bringing warmth to you. The butterflies in your stomach intensely flutter, and you let it all consume you for a few minutes. You place one hand on the back of his neck to gently push him closer to you.

When you pull away, it's only for air. You breathe heavily, not knowing whether what just happened was real or if you were just imagining it all. You'd always read about kisses like these in novels, but you didn't know if it really existed. It seemed everything was a fantasy with Peter Parker. Old mistakes forgotten, you give him a shy smile. "I love you and that churro," you murmur, and for the first time in forever, you hear his beautiful laugh. This makes you inexplicably happy, just to see some of his sunshine poke through.

"Speaking of which, I went through a lot for that churro," Peter says. You grin and grab it to take a bite out of it in appreciation. But before you can, Peter plucks it out of your hand and eats nearly a mouthful of it.

"Now it's only half a churro!" You laugh and grab his hand to eat a bit of it before standing up. "One sec, I'll be right back."

You race downstairs, ignoring your parents' hellos and opening the freezer to grab all the frozen things you can get. They give you a strange look from across the room. Quickly, you try to think of an excuse before you drop something. "I'm, uh...hungry."

"So you're eating frozen peas?" Your dad questions, eyebrows raised in mild concern and disbelief.

"Yep," you grin nervously and sprint back up to your room before he can ask anything else. Peter sees you enter with a load of frozen things to serve as ice packs, laughing.

An hour later, you have Peter mostly well taken care of. With his guiding, you ice the bruises properly. He showers, coming out smelling like your strawberry body wash. You consider buying another bottle for him just so you can smell it when you hug him. You both sit on the bed and finish the project without wasting time, thanks to your planning. "We still have three days to do this whole thing," you remind as you add the finishing touches.

"Yeah, and that's three days that we can spend together. Under the excuse of the project, of course." He gives a mischievous smile that's so contagious that you're smiling back.

"Hm...I approve of this idea."

You don't talk again until the project is finished, and by then, it's late. "Are you sure May won't mind you staying until, like, midnight?"

"Yeah, yeah. I told her where I am, so it's all good."

He sits against your pillows, and you rest your head on his chest. You stretch your legs out on the bed. "You know," he begins. You glance up at him to signal that he has your attention. "You thought I was ripped, but I'm nothing compared to you."

"Whoa, I did not say you were ripped! I mean, you are, but that's besides the point. And thank you! I try."

Peter laughs. "Seriously though, do you work out or something? What gym do you go to?" It takes a moment for you to realize he's teasing you. You shove him slightly, trying not to smile.

"Screw you."

"I mean, that would be great, but in case you forgot, we're just fifteen. Maybe wait a while before we get that stage-"

"Oh my god. Screw you!"

"I told you, we should think about things like that before-"

"Ahh! Stop! My ears are bleeding!" You cover your ears and giggle as he gives you a big grin.

"Y/N?" Peter says after a bit of silence.

"Mhm?" You nestle your head into his neck as he loosely wraps his arm around you.

"You're going to be S/N with me now, right? Like, you'll fight crime again?" He sounds hopeful.

"Of course I will."

"Really? And you'll talk to Mr. Stark, too?"

"Okay, don't push your luck there. But I'll think about it, if it makes you happy."

"Thank you, Y/N." He looks into your E/C eyes, and in that moment, you know. Queens needs you, and Peter needs you even more. Everything is complicated, but for once, you don't hate it. Simple is starting to look a little boring with someone like Peter Parker in your life.

_________________________

tag list:

@thelifeofanengineeringstudent

@deans-angel-of-thursdays

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker imagines #mcu #mcu imagine #spider man: homecoming #spider man: homecoming imagine #tom holland #spider man #spider man imagine

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dazais-guardian-angel · 8 years ago

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Bungou Stray Dogs post-anime manga thoughts

By “thoughts” I really just mean “Dana rambles about things everyone already knows and doesn’t need to read again about chapters 38 through 48.5″ lol, but just wanted to throw some stuff out here at random. This is extremely long and half-meta-y, half crying, and if you care to read all of this you deserve a medal and my appreciation lmao.

Chapter 39 is the one I had seen mentioned in a couple places before, but had no idea why it was a standout one. But god damn do I see why now; this is probably one of the best chapters in the entire series in my opinion, and it makes all of the stuff shown so far before this about Atsushi’s treatment at the orphanage look like child’s play. Jfc that was so hard to read; I can only imagine how utterly traumatizing this will be to watch if we eventually get a season 3, oh my GOD Atsushi my poor, poor precious baby, I just want to hug you so so tightly and give you so much love ;____; *cries* But I love how the headmaster came back into play, something I didn’t expect to happen, but it was perfect and a great catalyst for more character development for Atsushi. What I greatly appreciated and respected the most about this though was that they didn’t do what I began to fear they were doing, and that’s that they didn’t try to redeem the guy despite giving him a sad backstory. They gave him depth by giving a reason for his cruelty towards Atsushi in the form of a similar past for him and the fact that Atsushi’s life was saved later down the line because of all the hatred he built up from everything that was done to him, and by making the headmaster want to come to see him to praise him for his efforts in defeating the guild... but despite all this, at the end of the day, Dazai straight-up lets Atsushi know that he has absolutely no obligation to forgive the man for the hell he put him through despite these things he’s just learned, and I’m so so glad. So glad. The second point may be true, but it doesn’t change the fact that what the headmaster did to him also gave him such cripplingly low self-esteem and self-worth issues that plagued him all the way until the end of the guild arc, so yeah. It’s actually kind of similar to the situation with how Dazai trained Akutagawa; it was necessary in his mind, because him enduring that was the only way the latter would survive the mafia, but it was still a very bad way to go about it (not that I blame Dazai completely, cause he was just doing what is natural to him, but yeahhhh). In the end, with this chapter, I can appreciate the headmaster as a character more and understand his reasons, but I cannot forgive him, as Atsushi doesn’t. And okay, then they kind of backtrack on the point they’d just made by having Dazai tell Atsushi that when a person’s father dies, it’s only natural for them to cry... gdi Dazai, Atsushi’s real father isn’t the headmaster; it’s Fukuzawa, or Kunikida, or to be the most accurate, YOUUUUUUUU alksjdffjkldlkdj *sniffs*

On another note, that line from Dazai made me bawl like a baby for an entirely different reason *looks at Dark Era and weeps softly* ...Dazai cried: confirmed

So yes, that chapter was beautiful and perfectly done despite being painful as fuck, and only made me love my precious kitty son more ugh; definitely one of my favorite chapters.

Chapter 40 is the beginning hint to the feels train of hell regarding Kunikida that only gets worse later on. :’) But I’m so glad he saves Aya; she’s friggin adorable and Kunikida’s very serious turning down of her marriage proposal to him made me laugh way more than it probably should have lmao. Also always nice to see more of Dazai pulling shit on Kunikida like in the older chapters/season 1; his faces are priceless looooooooool.

Chapter 41 is what I’d been waiting for; I got spoiled on Gin being Akutagawa’s sister awhile ago somehow, and man did the reveal not disappoint. Haven’t laughed so hard with BSD in quite a long time (actually this is probably the funniest part to date lol); this chapter was just the best LMAOOOOOO. The misunderstandings and miscommunications were off the charts, Higuchi’s actions and assumptions being the best part of the whole thing she totally was crushing on Gin there, let’s be real lol... I really really hope we see more of the Akutagawa siblings interacting eventually; this was the first we’d heard of it, and the implications are really fascinating. Would love to know what Gin thinks about all the stuff that happened prior, like with the Guild and on the boat before that so much angst potential, and just I want to see more of them! It’d be interesting to see her and Atsushi interact, in particular... Other than that, I also expect Katai to come back into play eventually in the current arc; we shall see his ability is the most oddly specific and weirdest I’ve seen yet lol

Kid in the Port Mafia who was A��s subordinate didn’t deserve that. :( RIP nice kid who we didn’t even get the name of; the agency/mafia will avenge you I hope

Love how Kyouka’s parents continue to be brought up, and that we finally get answers about them, and Demon Snow, here. It’s very sweet and sad. :’) Only makes me love Kyouka more. Kouyou has always confounded me about how I should feel about her (also, she has a demon ability too that looks similar to Kyouka’s/her mom’s, but Kouyou can’t be related to her, so...?), but by this point she seems to genuinely support Kyouka being at the agency, and even goes undercover to further help her understand her ability, so I can respect that. The information about Demon Snow also begs the question of what other abilities could be inherited (Akutagawa has Rashomon, but Gin has no ability, so nothing there); maybe we’ll see more of that at some point much later.

And Lucy continues to appear frequently and I am just so, so happy and thankful; bless Asagiri for giving my daughter more screentime (pagetime?) and not leaving me hanging with her after the end of the guild arc... I love her so much alskdjfbfjdklskdjfbg *cries* she’s so awesome and her relationship with Atsushi is just :’’’) <333 definitely one of my favorite characters. the thing with their clothes in this chapter LMAO

also whenever Ango shows up, even if it’s just for three pages to relay some essential exposition and then disappear again, I automatically promptly lay down and die OTL

I LOVE that the guild is being brought back; seriously this makes me so happy. Fitzgerald interested me somewhat in the last arc even though I couldn’t really say why, and now, I actually love what they’re doing with him, like so much. His character in chapter 44 and especially 45 was so much more likeable than anything we’d seen of him yet, and it looks like they’re trying to give him some sort of redemption arc, which makes me thrilled, like oh my goodness. I’m not going to go as far as to say Fitzgerald has completely changed, definitely no; he’s still doing everything he’s doing for the sake of getting the Book, and he still cannot let go of money, which is what inflates his ego, and he won’t be able to change for the better completely until he is able to stop associating having money with having value as an individual. Unfortunately, the nature of his ability has trained him to have this mindset, so it’s not going to be easy. But he’s already making some good, if small, progress; he brought that murderer to justice, which let the doctor be found innocent like he should have been, and then doubled his wages (Fitzgerald says he only did all that because it was the most financially logical plan, but c’mon, don’t try to tell me there wasn’t some ounce of humanity/kindness in his actions). I hope he keeps going down this path to improve as a person. Plus like how can you not love his adorable excitement at doing mundane things now like shopping smartly for things on sale??? and pulling a Phoenix Wright in court and doing the most badass mic drop in history??? He’s such a sinnamon roll now omg; I love him (Fitzgerald/Pots OTP for life >.>) Steinbeck will possibly help give him a push in the right direction; right now he seems angry at and dissatisfied with how Fitzgerald seemed to revert back to before, but if he saw what he did afterwards, I think he’d be interested. Louisa is a good companion for him but she’s too submissive/worshipping of him to tell him what he really needs to hear; Steinbeck could do that. So with this redemption going on, it may be leading to a parallel of last arc where the agency and the mafia had to team up to fight the guild, whereas this time, the guild has to team up with one or both of them (even if just in action and not in words too) to defeat the new and incredibly more dangerous threat, Fyodor. Only time will tell. My friend made an excellent post elaborating on this little side plot with Fitzgerald and further speculation here; she talked about it more eloquently than I have so I recommend it~

And speaking of Louisa earlier, I’m so incredibly happy she’s getting focus??? She was one of my favorite guild members in that arc, but I always thought she’d just be an aesthetic favorite... but no, now she’s actually having a character and I can’t wait to see more of her (the tidbit about her and Lucy being friends of sorts was so sweet ;w;) as well! <3 Seriously, so many minor faves of mine I didn’t expect to come back, some not ever, are getting a lot of care and focus; I’m so blessed ahhhh now if we could just get more Poe appearances and more Oda references/flashbacks, I can die happy asdfggjlk (and also cry a lot at the latter)

Then, finally, there’s the current arc/crisis, whatever you want to call it. It’s been building up vaguely sooner than this in a few other chapters, but now it’s finally getting going and oh god is it awful. It was shown in chapter 42 that Fyodor is a master planner, manipulator, and mass-murderer, and he does it barely doing any heavy lifting on his own. He’s legitimately terrifying, and although I do loathe him with every fiber of my being (and you bet your ass I will even more if this situation ends the way I’m dreading it will end), I can’t deny his ingenuity, and he is a great villain. Mori is too, but this guy is even better (worse) and it’s absolutely sickening. Letting the agency and the mafia destroy each other in under 48 hours by targeting their two leaders, meanwhile taking out their top strategist AND continuing to emotionally manipulate the people involved and sending them in circles until the time runs out is the smartest way for him to work towards getting what he wants, which is... death to all ability wielders, to look for the Book...? Not quite clear on that yet, but Fyodor is anything but straightforward when talking about his motivations so lol.

At the moment, Fukuzawa is dying, Mori is dying, and unless a miracle occurs one or both of them will be dead by the end of this. As much as I would definitely not be adverse to our resident douchey vampire cosplayer pervert being offed, and especially for the sake of the agency’s best grandpa, I loathe to admit that without him the mafia as characters would most likely fall apart... and groans his banter with Elise is stupidly cute and entertaining ignoring the creepy factor that’s always in the back in my head. Character-wise, I wouldn’t cry too hard if he died after all, he killed Oda, the bastard, but realistically and writing-wise I know it’s not really feasible for it to happen. ....But Fukuzawa on the other hand can’t die, okay, h-he just can’t; the very thought of it makes me want to cry. :’’’’’( I know everyone is pointing out the foreshadowing and everything but... the agency would be absolutely wrecked, Kunikida and Ranpo and Dazai especially don’t even get me started on how Dazai might react at having yet another father figure and friend die on him, just don’t... I just don’t see them getting over it for a long, long time. ....just.... please don’t kill the world’s #1 grandpa please *lays down and cries* (also can we just talk about Lucy taking him into Anne’s room and watching over him protectively and worriedly at Atsushi’s request; good lord I love her even more than I already did before :’’’’) <3 )

Dazai is currently out of commission, which is something that has yet to happen in the series until now. It makes for an interesting change-up, since he can’t swoop in with his intellect and knowledge with a master plan this time, which gives the others a chance to shine but also makes me fret more. Then again, it’s implied that he knew the sniper was there and let himself get shot, so who knows, maybe he’ll manage to do something even still. Kinda doubt it though. Either way, I hate seeing my bby hurt; get well soon Dazai. ;w;

My heart breaks for Ranpo; I haven’t read the light novel about him and Fukuzawa yet (I don’t think it’s fully translated yet anyway, and not sure when or if it will be), but I’ve gathered that Ranpo cares a lot about him. :( I’ve always been rather neutral on him, his belittling and ignoring of Atsushi in the beginning chapters/first season annoying the hell out of me, but he’s matured lately I feel like and I can respect and like him more. I hope he doesn’t lose Fukuzawa. ;w;

Tanizaki is a badass; I’m glad to see some solo action from him. His ability is more deadly and advantageous than I even thought; he could be a master assassin if he was in the mafia. 0____0 don’t mess with him; he’ll fuck you up lol

And then finally there’s Kunikida, and good lord I have never loved Kunikida more than I do now. He’s another character I was neutral on for a good long while in the first two seasons; I know Dazai is annoying but it eternally bothered me how Kunikida treats his suicidal habits as a joke and doesn’t think for a second that they may be very much painfully real (then again, none of the agency members take Dazai’s suicide attempts seriously, so I can’t blame just him, but ughhhhh). Episodes 6 and 7 in season one were obviously meant to characterize him, but that arc confused the hell out of me so unfortunately I didn’t get the intended feelings from it. But damn, now I feel like I’m finally seeing what kind of person Kunikida really is, and it hurts. This was being led up to from chapter 40, except there, there was a happy ending... this time, not so. And it was terrible to see. Kunikida is a kind person, someone who wants to do as much good as he can even knowing that sometimes it’s just not possible to save everyone, and it was utterly heartbreaking and sickening to have to see him witness what he did, completely fail to save that child despite how hard he tried to do so, thanks to fucking Fyodor. And now he’s breaking down over it and I just want to hug him so badly??? Someone, hug him, please. Kunikida you don’t deserve this suffering. ;______;

also, I’m so upset about this that I’m not even going to cross it out; Asagiri why do you insist on blowing up children??? why did you have to make THAT IMAGE OF KUNIKIDA GETTING BLOWN BACK BY THE BLAST AND HIS SUBSEQUENT REACTION TO IT LOOK ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE THE OTHER TIME. WHY DO YOU HURT ME IN THIS WAY I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE. *screams and sobs* who wants to place bets on how Dazai might react when he hears Fyodor resorted to killing kids to get what he wants; eyyyyyy actually let’s not imagine that :’) .........slaughter him Dazai.

Atsushi is currently our only hope right now for saving the president! Please do your best, kitty son. And I picked the worst time to catch up with this series because everything is so uncertain right now. :’’’)

Random other things I can think of that we need information on at some point/things I want to see happen:

Q is the main one. He disappeared as far as I know after the Dazai and Chuuya team-up and we’ve yet to learn his whereabouts. His ability is one of the most deadly in the series so he could possibly be used to their advantage here? Who knows, but his absence is suspicious to me and I hope maybe it will be addressed if not in this arc then later.

Hawthorne is currently... possessed or something. Who knows if he’ll get saved and rejoin any of the guild members still lingering around now in the story; I hope he’s saved at least. He wasn’t one of my favorites before, but I feel bad for him. :/

More information on the Book of course, as well as on Fyodor, but that’s a given.

AGATHA. She was introduced as a member of a third organization back when the guild and Fyodor’s group was first introduced; I want to see her again and learn what she does, and what her ability is!!! Agatha Christie is definitely my favorite irl writer out of all the ones in BSD, and the only one I’ve read multiple works from, so I was super excited to see her appear and I can’t wait for her to truly come into play.

Lovecraft is still nearby (sort of lol) and has ties to Steinbeck; he could possibly come back.

This is more in general and has nothing to do with this arc (well, not entirely), but I’d like to see some of the side characters eventually get fleshed out more. Kenji and Chuuya are sorely in need of this, and to a lesser extent Yosano and Tanizaki/Naomi. Kenji is nothing more than a slightly disturbing ever-cheery personality, we haven’t gotten to see any of Chuuya’s inner thoughts and personality outside of Dazai really (which I desperately want, because he’s a fan favorite but I really can’t get that attached to him so far tbh), and I’d like to know the backstory behind Yosano and Mori’s mysterious past connection, as well as where Tanizaki and Naomi came from. The Black Lizard getting more focus would be nice as well. There’s so much else they can do with these characters, and as much as I adore Atsushi, Dazai, and Akutagawa, I hope we eventually see focus put on the others too. That has a chance of happening, and has already been happening sort of, this arc to some degree I think, which is nice. As much as I love this series, my main complaint with it would be that the pacing is kind of all over the place, and some of the filler is sort of redundant or doesn’t contribute much (then again, I attribute this feeling somewhat to how lackluster the first season of the anime felt to me, with its over-the-top slapstick and the Azure Messenger arc which even after a rewatch still confuses me lol, as well as with the very oddly placed episode 11 after the official start of the guild arc. Dark Era was very oddly placed but I appreciate it so much, not only because of how godly it was, but because without it I literally would have been so confused in the guild arc multiple times??? Manga y u assume that readers have definitely read the dark era novel....).

Long-term wish for the story: I want the agency, with Atsushi in particular, to realize that Dazai has a lot of emotional baggage and serious scars and depression from his life in the mafia, and for him to have his own arc where he heals, culminating in him finally being able to let out all of his grief about Oda and everything else and just have a good cry, because damn, Dazai is still a child if we’re being honest here, and he’s suffering so much; he needs a hug and I so desperately want to give it to him ;___; ...and some kind of make up with Ango pls? even if it’s just them no longer being enemies, and even if it’s just one conversation.... I want them to be able to talk at least once about what happened OTL

Other long-term wish: save Akutagawa pls; give the child happiness and comfort ugh and take him to a doctor; I worry about his health so much ffffff

Anyway, I think that’s that. So happy to be involved in this lovely family-feels filled hell now that’s not sarcasm, at least not completely hahah; can’t wait to see what exciting new places the series goes from here. :’) <3

also dazaiscans is awesome for scanlating this wonderful series for us, and for leaving the best comments in the margins that made my reading experience 100 times better and more laugh-filled; kudos to them! <3

#bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs spoilers #meta #personal posts #sort of meta lol #I have a lot of feels and a lot of thoughts and a whole lotta worries #*sips wine* further into hell I go

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