#love tran people pls and thx
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misty-missdee · 9 months ago
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can you even imagine.
Hey, being trans can be hard. be nice to a trans person :)
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sharkboywrites · 10 months ago
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Hi! Can you pls write halsin and astarion (Gale too if u can) with a trans male (transitioned) who feels insecure about appearing too feminine and thinking about cutting his long hair cause he thinks they’re too feminine? Sorry this just my insecurities. This morning I cut my hair and gold I wish I hadn’t cause I loved my hair but ppls told me they were girly so.. yeah. Regrets. Sorry about the mini rant. So Uhm would love if u could write so,è comfort, no worries if u can’t! Thx for being a mlm writer and love that u started writing for bg3! Have a lovely day!
Halsin, Astarion, and Gale with a Dysphoric FTM S/O
A/N: Took me about two years but I'm finally trying to get back to writing after falling down shitposting hell, yaay. So sorry to hear about your problems with hair (and also that it took me so long to get to it :/), hair can be a really complicated thing when you're trans and even though I cut mine as short as possible I still end up feeling too feminine most of the time. sorry that these are kinda short, I'm easing myself back into writing after a while of not writing at all, even personal works, after a family emergency.
Ftm reader, male reader, he/him pronouns used, heavy themes of dysphoria
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Halsin
Halsin makes his morals clear, that things should be as nature intended it
This includes things like hair, and that hair growing out is a natural thing whether you're a man or woman
Obviously he's okay with hair cutting, his would be much longer if he hadn't, but he also supports the idea of letting your hair grow out, letting nature choose it's path, his hair is still near his shoulders after all
So when you come to him about your worries of your hair being "too feminine" he's very adamant that this is a normal thing
He assures you that hair is natural, and that people can have any length and it will not affect who they are as a person
Whatever you decided, cutting your hair or keeping it long, he will continue to assure you that no matter what hair length you have, you are still a man and the man he loves
Just know that Halsin loves you no matter what, you are a man and he will do everything in his power to make sure you know that
Astarion
Like Halsin, Astarion is really doesn't think much about hair length and it equating to gender
Astarion had met plenty of men in his life, many of which having long hair, some even long enough to go all the way down their legs to their ankles
And yet these men were still just that, men
Some quite masculine still, and not any less attractive to him
When you come to him with your troubles, he's immediately going to try and help you
He'll help you style your hair to find a way that you like it
He'll tie it all up, tie only certain parts of it up, twist it and braid it, until you find something that you like
Every time you find a style you like, because of course he'll keep going until you find multiple you're comfortable with, he'll tease you about how silly you were for thinking having long hair made you feminine
I mean, look at this man
His hair is short, but it's stylish, he takes good care of it, and he'll for sure know how to make it so that you'll like this
He'll make you feel as masculine as possible while playing with your hair, making sure you know just how loved yu are, as you are, a man
Gale
Gale himself has longer hair
Obviously it's not very long, about a bit longer than his shoulders, but he's confident about it most times
When he does get insecure about it, it's not because he doesn't feel masculine, it's because of his general insecurities with himself
So when you open up to him about your issues, he's not exactly sure how to help
He'd never considered that this could be a reason someone would be insecure
He encourages you to keep your hair long, although he's not very good at comforting you
He may try to mess around with your hair like Astarion, and he doesn't do as well, but he does well enough
You find a few styles that make you feel better and he promises to do his best to try and make it right every morning just for you
If you do want to cut it off, he won't stop you, even supervising to make sure you don't mess it up too bad
If you regret it later, he'll hold you close in an attempt to comfort you
Again, he's not great at comforting, but at this point he's also more comfortable and it does the trick
Before or after cutting your hair, he may use astral projection to try and make you feel better about your physical appearance if you really want it
Gale may not be the best in these situation, but he tries his hardest to do what's best for you and what you want, comforting you all the way through
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Wooo I'm back to writing, ty for reading and have a nice day!
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simplyluunaa · 6 months ago
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Hii could you please write korekiyo/mondo/Gundam (separately) x trans male reader (chubby if comfortable)
Pls& thx
:)
˙⊹ ੈ✰[With a transmasc + chubby reader]✰ ੈ⊹˙
-ˏˋ. rules + masterlist ˊˎ-
Fandom: Danganronpa
Characters: Gundham Tanaka, Korekiyo Shinguji, Mondo Owada
Warnings: !!NOT SPOILER FREE!! Talk of dysphoria, top surgery scars, binding, mentions of weight
Tags: Established relationship, fluff, transmasc! reader
A/N: Thank you so much for my very first request!! I did my very best to make this as accurate as possible, so I hope you enjoy!
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˚₊·—̳͟͞͞♡⟢Gundham Tanaka
Getting this right out of the way, the Four Dark Devas love you
More body fat means you’re warmer!!
They might start preferring you over Gundham tbh
When finding out you’re trans, I feel like Gundham wouldn’t react all that much
Maybe make a comment on how he supposes even the dark gods who have crafted you can too make mistakes
His view on you doesn’t change one bit, though if you’ve had top surgery he will want to see the scars
Won’t ask, but he might try and sneak a peak whenever possible
I also feel like he’d have some basic knowledge on stuff like this, maybe due to some online friends or something, so if you haven’t had top surgery and use a binder, he’ll remind you to take breaks, not wear it while you sleep, stuff like that
On the topic of bodies – he likes that you’re chubby!!
He’s pretty thin himself, which can lead to him getting cold easily, so having you around to warm him up is nice
He also likes to sleep on you
If you’re ever feeling dysphoric, he does his best to help you however he can
If you want to just lay in bed and cry for a bit, he’ll be there for you, if you want a spontaneous late-night hair-cut, he’s already got the scissors, and he’ll affirm your masculinity however he can
⋆⁺。˚⋆˙‧₊☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆˚。⁺⋆
˚₊·—̳͟͞͞♡⟢Korekiyo Shinguji
He has met so many people, of so many sizes and identities, that you don’t at all seem odd to him
Not to say he doesn’t find you interesting though
When finding out you’re trans, his reaction will just be like…nothing
He does not react
Maybe a ‘hm.’ but that's all you’re getting out of him
Once you open up to him about it though, he may occasionally ask questions
If you’ve had top surgery he asks to see the scars
I feel like he’d want to study the recorded instances of transgender people in the past, like in ancient Rome and stuff
And he will tell you about it
I feel like he’d like laying on your lap or stomach (if you're w/ it comfortable ofc!!)
Would read while snuggled up with you, just being together in silence for long periods of time
If you’re ever feeling dysphoric, he’ll go through a list of reasons why the features you’re upset with are not inherently feminine or anything to be ashamed of
But if that doesn’t help, he asks what will help you, and will do his best to assist you
⋆⁺。˚⋆˙‧₊☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆˚。⁺⋆
˚₊·—̳͟͞͞♡⟢Mondo Owada
When finding out you’re trans, being so honest, he may not understand 
Like you might have to run it by him a couple of times
He’s a little bit dense, I fear
Also very protective, like if anyone so much as looks at you wrong he’s on the defensive
Even if it has nothing to do with you being trans or anything
Want to see the top surgery scars if you have them, and will ask
Also, asks like a million questions
Some may seem a bit insensitive, but he’s really just curious and wants to understand
If you wear a binder, he’ll end up doing research and worrying about you, so he’s constantly reminding you to take breaks, not wear it while you sleep or exercise, all that
On the topic of you being chubby – he does not care all that much!
He does like knowing he can hug you tight and not hurt you though, that’s good
I feel like he’d very much want you to lay on him
Like a heated weighted blanket 
If you’re ever feeling dysphoric, he genuinely has no idea what to do
He’ll try his best to re-affirm your manliness, maybe ends up yelling at you because he’s nervous
If you tell him what he can do to help though, he is ON IT
⋆⁺。˚⋆˙‧₊☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆˚。⁺⋆
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tbhimnoteasyonmyself · 2 years ago
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Oh... wow yeah I didn't know that was a thing. A lot of aesthetics are based on eurocentric beauty standards, especially on pinterest lol. I looooove the ballet, light academia and princess aesthetics, but it's hard to find POC in any pics. I hate it but I still love the aesthetic because I can be the exception I guess. Anyway, what was my point??? Idk.
About the trans women bit, that's fucked up for real 😶 I just can't believe how hateful people can be😔
Anyway, enough of this horrible world, how are you?
That's unfortunately very true. The demonization of WOC in aesthetic is HUGE. All the things that are soft and pretty somehow are always white only, it's fucked up. Of course, you know that better than me, as you are a woman of colour yourself and I'm white as shit.
For all that matters I do think any aesthetic would only become more aesthetically pleasing with your participation <3.
Yeah, trans women have bullets coming for them from everywhere, it's insane. I can only wish them the best and urge anyone who cares enough to be decent to learn more about all the shit they have to go through and start fighting for them. And if there's any trans woman reading this: you're doing amazing, you're the baddest bitch and all those hoes instantly know that when you walk into a room, go get 'em!! Love you <3
Anyway... I'm generally good. I went on a weekend vacation with some of my friends so they could say goodbye before I go away and it was fun. The only thing that made me sad is that the 4 of them are couples (2x2) and it just made me feel extremely lonely because I've been single for ages now BUT WE DON'T TALK ABOUT BRUNO! Ksksksks
But seriously it was nice and I know I'll miss them but I know I have to do this and I'm honestly excited to, just a little anxious (which is probably why I keep talking about it, it's all I can think about).
So I'm preparing stuff to go. And resting a bit. I've been given a moment to breath between Louis being the Man of My Life™ (pls Harry, do NOT sue me, we can all appreciate him as a group, no need to fight) and doing stuff here so I'm taking it right now.
How about you, darling? How are you? What are you doing? What's on your mind? I hope life has been peacefully and gracefully running its course.
As usual, all the love!!! 💜💜💜 And thx for this ask!!!
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farklelucas · 6 years ago
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if they had a kid ask game: rilaya
anonymous asked: Rilaya for the if they had a kid meme :)anonymous asked: Can you do rilaya on the kid meme??
Name: ethan cory matthews
Gender: trans boy
General Appearance: dirty blonde, undercuts are IN moms, wears suspenders like they’re going out of style, green eyes, is one of those boys you’d see on pinterest because he’s so handsome and stylish, likes sweaters and peacoats, also usually vans.
Personality: lowkey kind of a hipster (it’s maya’s influence im sorry), also kind of goofy but only on the lowkey (NO ONE can know he has feelings that AREN’T indifference), sarcastic and witty, romantic as fuck but only internally, like making people laugh but also makes them look at his photographs and go WHOA.
Special Talents: he really likes taking polaroid pictures (pictures in general actually, he just happens to use his polaroid most often), has a wildly famous aesthetic tumblr on which he posts his own work, is also pretty street smart.
Who they like better: he loves them both equally, his two dorky moms who definitely support him in ALL he does!!!
Who they take after more: he likes to think he’s more like maya but he’s also a little like riley on the lowkey.
Personal Head canon: bisexual KING, lives on mac n cheese and energy drinks, goes to the gym twice a week, loves visiting with his cousins (even though he’s in the middle there and he’s an only child at home), listens to emo/grunge alternative bc he never left that phase, wants so badly to learn to drive he goes to get his permit the day he turns sixteen, wants a tattoo of a peach on his shoulder blade.
Face Claim: tom phelan pls and thx
send me a pairing for their kids
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bootlegmozart · 2 years ago
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what’s really funny is that there’s no sure-fire fucken way to tell. i’m a trans man but my ring fingers are long af. i got man hands. i’m a gym bro. i got a box figure. unless i tell someone i’m trans, there is literally no way to tell unless you karyotype me and pull down my underwear. There are cismen who are much more femininely shaped than i am. there are transwomen much more femininely shaped than me too.
human bodies are not binary.
they never have been and never will be. love trans people more than you hate terfs please. That’s all we ask.
and hey, if you want to skin terfs alive, that’s fine, just make sure your love for transppl makes up for it. (this means invite me to the terf skinning session pls thx)
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The paranoia and obsession underlying this ideology is really something
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partlycharlie-archive · 6 years ago
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gender? who is she? (they???)
prologue: they/them link to chapter one
summary: [16:46] mione: Hey neville [17:09] nevs: yeah, what’s up? [16:46] mione: Do you think sue might be [16:46] mione: Trans or something? (or: the trans fic nobody asked for) word count: 3,513 warnings: n/a a/n: i’ve been working on this fic for AGES and i’m so excited to finally be publishing it!!!! ahhhhhh i hope y’all enjoy
read on ao3
they /THā/ pronoun
used to refer to two or more people or things previously mentioned or easily identified
used to refer to a person of unspecified gender
 ---
  [SUNDAY; 10.7.18]
[google search: gender    Suggestions: gender neutral names                        genderfluid                        gender role test                        gender predictor]
[selected: gender predictor]
[6,270,000 results (0.83 seconds)]
…”Our accurate gender prediction test tells you if you are going to have a boy or girl…”
 ---
 [google search: “i dont feel like a boy or a girl”] [701,000,000 results (0.48 seconds)]
"Biologically i am a female, but i don't really feel like a girl." | Kids Help … https://kidshelpphone.ca/asked-online.../biologically-i-am-female-i-dont-really-feel-gi... “Biologically i am a female, but i don't really feel like a girl. But i don't think i feel like a boy either. I don't know what i feel like, but i know what i don't feel like if that …”
I don't really identify as a girl, but I don't identify as a boy either...what … https://www.7cups.com › Q & A › LGBTQ+ Apr 30, 2018 - “There is gender fluid which means that basically some days you feel like a Girl and other days you feel like a boy. They don't really specify …”
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 [google search: “whats it called when you're not a boy or girl”] [976,000,000 results (0.70 seconds) ]
Non-Binary Gender Identity Explained | Teen Vogue https://www.teenvogue.com/story/what-is-non-binary-gender Feb 12, 2016 - “Here's What It Means When You Don't Identify as a Girl or a Boy … Andii Viveros, 22, says, "I do not necessarily define my gender identity with … language is complicated and not everyone agrees on what certain words mean, …“
[waiting for www.teenvogue.com] [connecting…] [establishing secure connection…] [resolving host…] [waiting for cache…] [connecting…] [waiting for www.google.com…] [waiting for www.facebook.com…] [connecting…]
First thing's first: consider gender a language that you have to learn to be fluent in… … non-binary gender is any gender that isn’t exclusively male or female.
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 [google search: non binary definition] [122,000,000 results (0.47 seconds)]
non·bi·na·ry /ˌnänˈbīnərē/ adjective
not relating to, composed of, or involving just two things. "Aristotelian ontology is nonbinary on the second level in that it allows for degrees of being"
denoting or relating to a gender or sexual identity that is not defined in terms of traditional binary oppositions such as male and female or homosexual and heterosexual. "nonbinary people are vastly underrepresented in the media"
 Understanding Non-Binary People: How to Be Respectful and … https://transequality.org/.../understanding-non-binary-people-how-to-be-respectful-an... Jul 9, 2016 - “Non-Binary Defined. Most people – including most transgender people – are either male or female. But some people don't neatly fit into the…”
Urban Dictionary: non binary https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=non%20binary “Top definition … They're nonbinary, so they don't go by he/him pronouns, they go by … Nonbinary refers to any gender that is not exclusively male or female.”
Nonbinary: What Does It Mean? - Healthline https://www.healthline.com/health/transgender/nonbinary Oct 20, 2017 - “Here's what you should know about nonbinary identities, pronouns, and … Although there are definitions available for each of these terms, …” Links - Trans and nonbinary identities · Gender identities · Nonbinary vs genderqueer
Genderqueer - Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer “Genderqueer, also known as non-binary, is a catch-all category for gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminine—identities which are outside the gender binary and cisnormativity. Genderqueer people may express a combination of masculinity and femininity, or neither, in their gender expression.”
This Is What Gender-Nonbinary People Look Like - them. https://www.them.us/story/this-is-what-gender-nonbinary-people-look-like Nov 20, 2017 - “Many people might say that nonbinary is like the grey area of gender — undefined space between more defined areas. However, because grey …“
Nonbinary | Definition of Nonbinary by Merriam-Webster https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/nonbinary “c : relating to or being a person who identifies with or expresses a gender identity that is neither entirely male nor entirely female. … an effort to create more equality for nonbinary and transgender students across campus.”
10 Myths About Non-Binary People It's Time to Unlearn - Everyday … https://everydayfeminism.com/2014/12/myths-non-binary-people/ Dec 6, 2014 - “What's the number one misconception about non-binary people? It's that we don't exist. In fact, if you Google “genderqueer is,” here are the top …“
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  sumaya! (SumayaPotter), luna! (LunaLovegood)
 [12:50] sumaya!: luna [12:50] sumaya!: luna [12:50] sumaya!: luna [12:52] sumaya!: no pressure, just respond whenever ur free pls
[13:23] luna!: hello sumaya! i apologize for the tardiness in regards to my response.
[13:23] sumaya!: no worries :)
[13:23] luna!: is everything okay with you?
[13:26] sumaya!: um . yeah i think so
[13:26] luna!: is this in any way related to your and/or my genders?
[13:26] sumaya!: jdancdalkdcieunakcsn [13:27] sumaya!: that was ugly oh well [13:27] sumaya!: how did u kno?????
[13:27] luna!: i’d like to think i have a sort of hunch with these types of things. :-) [13:27] luna!: what can i help you with?
[13:27] sumaya!: okay [13:27] sumaya!: so ur genderfluid right??
[13:27] luna!: yes!
[13:28] sumaya!: do yk what nonbinary means?
[13:28] luna!: ! [13:28] luna!: yes. [13:29] luna!: it can have many definitions from what i know, but the most common is the feeling of being neither male nor female, or something in between. [13:29] luna!: why?
[13:32] sumaya!: i think i might be [13:32] sumaya!: that.
[13:32] luna!: oh! lovely! [13:32] luna!: i’m very glad you’ve come to that discovery. :-)
[13:33] sumaya!: thanks :)
[13:33] luna!: what pronouns would you prefer to use?
[13:33] sumaya!: i mean . they right????
[13:34] luna!: they/them pronouns are the most commonly used pronouns amongst people who do not identify with the gender binary, yes. [13:34] luna!: however! [13:34] luna!: there are others, including ey and zie, that some people also use.
[13:34] sumaya!: oh [13:34] sumaya!: huh [13:35] sumaya!: i think im just gna stick w they??? [13:35] sumaya!: cuz that just seems . complicated
[13:35] luna!: of course! that sounds lovely. [13:35] luna!: do you have a preferred name yet? [13:35] luna!: or will you stick with sumaya?
[13:35] sumaya!: oh no i def wanna change that [13:35] sumaya!: sumaya just feels kinda wrong [13:35] sumaya!: but idk what i want yet?
[13:36] luna!: okay! that’s perfectly fine.
[luna! (LunaLovegood) changed sumaya! (SumayaPotter)’s name to ???]
[13:36] luna!: is that acceptable?
[13:36] ???: oh! [13:36] ???: yeah [13:37] ???: thats cool [13:37] ???: thx
[13:37] luna!: no problem, love. [13:37] luna!: <3
[13:40] ???: <3
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lesbiangon · 7 years ago
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Fixing Dragon Age, or a da4 wishlist doomed to unfufillment
Less capitalism pls (or, optimally, none)
If noble lineage in thedas is traced by how much you’re related to that one antivan queen, then darker skin for humans is considered much more attractive and it’s preferred
Free the mages omg just let them live
Sera, but with more ideology (let her read the bread book bioware!!) and treated with some respect pls
An elf that’s just a normal person and not a representation of extremes of elves are the Best and elves are the Worst (another concept: briala is right about everything)
Literally at least one society that isn’t a monarchy pls ?
More cool lady dwarves, and let me love one
Character sliders that actually allow for characters of color
More lesbians, and more gay romances that aren’t just the straight romances with same gender inserts or w/e (romancing a bi woman doesn’t make me a man k thanks) and plot lines for gay people that balance sera “doesn’t mention ever that she’s a lesbian” and Dorian “my entire personal quest revolves around my sexual identity”. On a related note: can’t I talk to trans ppl without being rude and invasive??
Your choices actually matter this time
Hey bioware slavery isn’t gray morality and neither is oppression calm down we already know you’re neoliberals changing social structures can be a good thing
No more blonde blue eyed white bois, we’ve exhausted that thx
If you do another hissing wastes I will scream
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millenniumfae · 8 years ago
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Asexual Sex-Ed: The Dom
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When it comes to aces and sex, there’s these huge discussions going left and right. Every ace has their own feelings about sex, and having sex with other people in any context. I’ve talked to many aces (and partners of aces), and I’ve often said that being in a ‘dom’ role can really help reduce sex repulsion and anxiety while also offering sexual stimulation.
Asexual sex-ed is virtually non-existent, which means that aces are often left with limited information, and therefore limited options. But options exist. BDSM with aces may seem like a surprising match, but when you think about it, it really isn’t. 
Aces being active in BDSM isn’t without precedent. Kink is especially alive and kicking in the lgbt+ community as a whole, and BDSM in particular is known for being therapeutic. It’s common for those who’re living with trauma to pursue BDSM as a way to cope. And for aces who are sex-repulsed, and/or struggling with their sexuality and libido, BDSM can be an excellent choice.
So I’ve written a BDSM post about asexuality and doms, which is almost completely based off of my own experience of being a dom. I encourage everyone to pursue this information, regardless of their own sexuality or feelings on sex. This is information that needs to be more readily available to the community.
You can also check out my other asexual sex-eds - on masturbating, consent, sexual health, and mental self care. I’m no licensed doctor - I’m writing based solely on my own experience. My words are just one voice in what hopefully will soon be a menagerie of ace sex ed.
(Be warned, pictures to explicit imagery will be linked. This text post contains no explicit imagery.)
What Is A Dom?
Short answer; a ‘dom’ is the other half of a dominant-subservient sex powerplay. It’s a heavily narrative role that uses acting to make a fake scenario of someone being under the ‘control’ of the other. 
A BDSM coupling can manifest in several different ways, depending on the party. For some, it’s just their normal sex routine, except with a few ‘yes, mistress’’s thrown in. For others, it’s being encased in a latex bodybag, and left to lie still for several hours while your dom does their laundry and buys their groceries.
That diversity exists amongst aces, too. As you meditate and practice your sexuality, you’ll learn what works for you, and what doesn’t. For allosexuals, their preference for BSDM is heavily dependent on what gets them off. For us, it’s more about what makes us feel safest.
Setting Up For The Dom Role
Every sub/dom session starts with words. A lot of them. If you want to play the dom role in a sexual situation, you can’t just bring it up in a casual conversation, and then leave it at that. Even if you’ve done it before. Even if they’ve done it before. Even if you’ve known each other for years. Even if you feel like they’ve ‘got’ it. A BDSM session requires a lot of planning and consent beforehand.
A good, solid script for a sub/dom session goes something like this;
Asking whether your partner interested, or willing, to partake in a submission role.
Exchanging possibilities and scenarios that you’re both interested in.
Exchanging limitations and no-nos.
Exchanging aftercare methods (more on aftercare below).
Laying down a plan, or a schedule, for the session. AKA, you begin with (this), then continue to (this), and end with (this). The more thorough the plan, the better and safer (and smoother!) the session will be.
As a sex-repulsed ace, I only take booty calls from dating sites or from acquaintance referrals. And since I insist on only allowing BDSM sex, I have gone through multiple versions of these scripts throughout my dating experience. And no one has ever reacted as if I was being too finicky, or particular, with this consent process.
Even with some random Okcupid date, I will insist on a Skype call or a facetime, so the sub will see my face outside the domspace (more on domspaces and subspaces down below) as we lay down the rules. 
For example; I got a message from someone that literally only said; “will u beat me up sometime pls thx sorry”. This message was from someone who was a) my age, b) also trans, and c) was a 97% match. So of course, I responded with a solid; “are u looking for a dom? (being serious)”.
And as the conversation continued, my date went on to describe in several paragraphs what they wanted. 
someone who can stuff me into a hole intellectually {...} and is good with manipulating power dynamics. not necessarily trying to fuck, mostly looking for the psych bit and some nonsexual physical stuff / seems like there'd be a lot to work with given your lack of interest in sex generally if you decided intercourse was appropriate. what's really important for me (turns out, maybe this is where i've self sabotaged before) is not having to tell the person how specifically to force my submission. very much would prefer dom to be able to figure that bit out given whatever volunteered biographical-type information was exchanged beforehand.
In the BDSM community, you’re much more likely to find people who will gladly write pages upon pages of what they want, in explicit (and often poetic) detail. Which can be very annoying if you attract the attention of white cis men in their 40′s who want to be the next Christian Grey. 
But that’s good news for you lovelies. As an ace dom, you’ll have very little trouble with bluntly listing your limits and desires, or finding partners willing to partake. I’ve never met a willing sub that was put off, or unaccepting of my asexuality.
Tools, Toys, And Tricks - For The Asexual
You’ve probably seen the wooden paddles and braided ropes and satin blindfolds. Many of them have been carefully designed to minimize injury while also maximizing physical sensation. Spanking with a paddle, for example, will often start with a soft, small model before continuing into using a hard wooden one. This is to make sure there’s adequate bloodflow to the buttcheeks to increase sensitivity, while also reducing the pain.
But to an ace perspective, those leather handcuffs aren’t just to tie up your partner and excite them, it’s also a good way to constrain their hands so you don’t have to deal with their touch on your body. A blindfold will give you privacy. Mouth gags will prevent any intrusive dialogue that might make you uncomfortable.
As with all things involved in the bedroom, you first need to make sure that the tools are body safe. There’s no government regulation on sex toy materials, which means you could potentially end up with bacteria-laden silicon, or toxin-infected plastics. Buy from trusted brands, or reputable suppliers.
Especially useful bondage tools include restraints that go under the bed, flexible velcro cloth handcuffs, and ropes made out of soft, natural cotton (instead of itchier polyester).
Another BDSM tool that is particularly helpful for the ace are chasity toys. The chasity BDSM subculture is essentially orgasm denial with powerplay. And to an ace, it’s a good way to limit the use of sexual organs. Chasity toys are usually geared towards penises, in the form of cages that prevent erections. Vagina equivalent are usually belts that block the entire pelvis. 
Like with all sex, toys and tools aren’t limited to one niche. Instead of buying brand-name fluffy handcuffs, you can very well make do with a random piece of fabric tied loosely around the wrists. In my experience, using bondage tools are a reliable way of reducing sexual contact while also pleasing your sub partner. 
Your Relationship With The Sub - What Is ‘Power?’
At its core, a BDSM session is mostly for the sub’s benefit. While there’s real elements of control, ultimately a sub/dom coupling is done to please the sub primarily, rather than the dom. That’s why people hire dominatrixes - some white-collar lawyer may not even be touched throughout the entire session, but they’re really into being whipped and verbally degraded during their lunch break. Meanwhile, the dominatrix is thinking about which curtains they should use for the living room.
The same goes for ace BDSM. Regardless of your reason for partaking in a scene, the sub is your center of attention. This means you can’t, like, just go through a BDSM session and come out feeling like you mastered your repulsion once and for all. And no amount of amazing sex will ‘cure’ you of asexuality.
For aces, the appeal of being a dom is a way to partake in sexual activity while minimizing discomfort. Even if you aren’t sex repulsed, aces often struggle with our ability to consent to sex. Being a dom is a way to have power over the situation.
But as said, the sub/dom relationship doesn’t involve complete power. The idea of a dominant sexual partner is a facade. That’s why BDSM is enjoyable - the sub’s wrists may actually be tied up and cemented to the bedpost under lock and key, but a dom is completely under the will of a sub’s consent. If that sub decides to release their hands from those shackles, you have no power to overrule that.
Being a dom isn’t about envisioning your repulsion as tied up and subdued, and going through this therapeutic night of whipping your problems into shape. Most of the time, being an asexual dom just means that you have a good excuse for leaving all your clothes on, and not allowing yourself to be sexually stimulated. 
We all have our reasons for wanting to have sex. Perhaps, as a sex-repulsed ace, you actually do enjoy sex but experience anxiety afterwards. Or perhaps you’re struggling with hypersexuality. Regardless the reason, you can’t expect BDSM to be a fix-all anymore than you can expect any possible method of therapy or socialization to be a wondercure.
Sub/Dom ‘Space’ - For The Ace
Entering a ‘subspace’ is basically shorthand for ‘entering a heightened state of emotions due to getting really into the scene’. When you Google ‘subspace’, you’ll get a diverse collection of descriptions of what it means to enter subspace. Everyone’s subspace is different - for some people, subspace is when your body is over-stimulated, leaving you cloudy-headed and weak. For others, subspace is a very psychological sensation that’s akin to dissociation, or a hypnotic trance.
On the other end, there’s ‘domspace’. Like subspace, it’s an altered state of mind where you experience yourself differently. Some describe their domspace as like an emotional high, or heightened emotions. Some describe it as a spiritual experience that channels a reservoir of power. 
For those familiar with BDSM practices, subspace and domspace are words to describe what might happen during a scene. Some people trigger their space with practice and with enthusiasm, some never experience a state that they’d describe as either.
For the ace dom, experiencing domspace is a real possibility. But it’s more dangerous for us; a lot of the time, having sex as an ace means consenting to a language that you don’t share with your partner, and therefore the laws of consent are bent. In that scenario, entering an altered state of mind isn’t an ideal state to be in.
An ace’s domspace wouldn’t be something to retreat towards, it’s something to closely reign and keep in check to make sure you reduce any confusion. You don’t want to lose your sense of self while in a dangerous situation.
I’ve personally never experienced anything like a ‘domspace’, but the idea alone has made me think long and hard about my asexuality and its relationship to being a dom. It’s something you should think about to, if you chose to pursue it.
Aftercare And Self-Care
‘Aftercare’ is big in the BDSM community. And in the sex world in general. Aftercare is the term to describe ‘caring’ for your partner after a sex scene is over and done with, to ensure good mental health and physical wellbeing. Sometimes, that just means snuggling and soft words of comfort. For BDSM, that could mean bandages, ice packs, and so on.
Aftercare is essential in a sub/dom scenario, and its common for the aftercare to last longer than the session. Without aftercare, all parties risk huge health risks, not limited to physical injuries, mental trauma, and emotional stress. You can’t go overboard with aftercare.
For a basic rundown of aftercare;
The first thing people usually need is water. Often, people will drink water throughout the session, but sometimes people get so into it, they don’t realize that their throat is actually parched until it ends.
Give yourselves time to retreat from sub/dom space, and back into your social selves. You drop the tone of voice you’ve been using, you relax your acting postures, you quiet down from shouting so much, you remove all restraints and tools, and so on. Conversation shifts back to normal, and you get a rest from any physical exertion. 
Check yourselves and each other for injuries. You may have been aware of some bruises or rashes being formed during the session, and here’s the chance to take a good, closer look. Small things like cuts and abrasions can get nasty infections, bruises and chapped lips can be irritable and painful. Any pelvic pains should be noted and examined when you have the chance. It’s better to give medical attention to chafed nipples or stubbed toes now rather than later.
Keep up conversation. When you ask, ‘how are you feeling?’ The answer might change by the minute. Keep an eye on everyone’s feelings, including your own. Rising stress can be leveled by removing yourself from the space and otherwise preoccupying yourself. Tensions between partners best be addressed before things grow out of control.
Take part in other enjoyable, stress-free activities. For some, it’s taking a bath together. Or cooking a meal. Or getting some drinks and watching funny cat videos in bed. Having a happy aftercare will do wonders to reduce any discomfort and anxiety.
Aftercare extends beyond the bedroom. It’s common to drive your sub home, to ensure that they won’t get into any accidents due to a distracting subspace. And someone still woozy from BDSM might forget their jewelry, or their bag. It’d do no harm to dote on each other, so to speak. 
The Aftermath: Recovery And Healing
Unfortunately, good aftercare can’t ‘solve’ everything. No amount of cuddling can solve a bad BDSM session. And for those who are sex-repulsed, the situation is even more aggravated. Asexual people are very susceptible to sex-borne trauma, which means that our self-care goes beyond most.
Any anxiety from the sex probably won’t go away the next morning. And it might lie dormant until your next date, in which you’re hit underhand with a reminder of why you actually don’t like sex. And it’s normal to have enjoyed the sex, but dread it at the same time. 
It can be very confusing to feel lost and hurt from a situation that wasn’t harmful at all. But that’s part of sex-repulsion, and part of asexuality in general. Being a dom means minimizing any triggers for this kind of anxiety, but it probably won’t avoid all of it.
As with any trauma aftercare, it’s important to maintain a sense of pride regardless of any intrusive thoughts. You’re not weak or broken for feeling the way you do. You’re a brave and brilliant individual, who faces the things you face. It’s not about eliminating or ‘curing’ this part of yourself, it’s about coming to terms with them.
A lot of the time, I don’t contact any dates ever again. It’d be too difficult to repeat the events. And that’s ok, that’s one of the ways I take care of myself and make sure I minimize trauma. And it definitely helps to document your feelings as time goes on, and also to share your feelings with a trusted friend. Going at it alone is one thing, with support it’s much easier.
I almost never go on dates knowing that I have plans the day after. It’s important that I have several hours to meditate and calm myself down after a dom session, away from my partners. I enter asexual spaces and remind myself that I am valid and strong.
Remember; the power of being a dom might be fictional, but your power as an ace is forever.
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britshits · 8 years ago
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do you think cis muns can play trans/nb chars? i know this opinion varies but i remember coming across a post that said cis muns shouldn't and now i see a lot of that happening
boy, oh boy… this question …………………….. is like 110% up for debate ?? hell, im not 100% on where i personally stand bc there are legit SO MANY FACTORS ??? pls don’t read this thinking it’s gospel bc it’s truly not and ik this gon turn into some long ass semi-rant, so scroll for a tl;dr, but … [ cracks knuckles ] let’s gO !
i’ll be 100% real n say that i am always, always going to be uber picky when i come across cis muns playing trans/nb muses. i instinctively raise my hackles and put everything they do under the microscope, mainly bc they ( obviously ) don’t have first-hand experience of the pressures / prejudices / issues / feelings etc. that are exclusive to our community, so they have a tendency to fall into all the harmful tropes when it comes to trans characters—and, without that innate understanding of our struggles, they don’t see how these things can be damaging. there’s also the whole issue of the media perpetuating this bs, so really, while research can do wonders, it’s never gonna be a catch-all solution.
that’s not to say i don’t think that cis people can write solid, unproblematic trans characters. i have most definitely met people who are cis who’ve played wonderful trans and/or non binary charries, whom i adored and would educate themselves and readily listen to any tips that i or other trans people gave them. i actually haven’t met a cis person who has played a non binary muse in a way i have an issue with so far. ik that there’s a general issue in the rpc with people changing their charrie from cis to nb to fill a ratio, which is a Mess and a Half, and ofc the assumption that the character’s assigned sex at birth matches that of the face claim. but, other than that nasty business, the majority of cis ppl playing nb charries are #tight and willing to learn, at least as far as i’ve experienced.
when it comes to binary trans muses tho … lmfa o ….. where do i even begin ?? like idk what it is about cis ppl but a lot of them are just absolutely OBSESSED with what’s goin on in a trans person’s pants ?? i mentioned this in another ask, but bruh… if i had a pound for every time some1 has fuckcin offhandedly brought up / alluded to my charrie’s downstairs configuration when we’re plotting, i’d have enough money to buy this blue hellsite and shut it tf down like i goddamn want to, but anyway !! the reason i bring this up is bc i see so many ppl who have this approach with their own characters—i.e. fetishising them. i mean if ur trans, u do u man, sexualising ur charrie is ur prerogative ?? but fuc k n cis ppl doing this…………………….. mmm hooo my go dd … do u realise how disgusting and nasty this shit is ??????? i mean trans ppl have enough shit w/ ppl sexualising us irl ( esp. trans women !! they literally have it so fuckn rough w/ tht i cant even begin 2 describe ) so like, leave it out of rp thx ???
but nope !!! y’all can’t do that !!!!!!!! (((((((((: tbh in the rpc, most of the bs seems to affect trans male muses, as far as i’ve seen. i think it’s partly bc trans female muses are so few and far between, which is an issue in and of itself, but also bc a lot of the rpc is so fuckin guilty of the nasty obsession with m/m ships. it’s usually cishet girls who pull this shit and they pull it w/ all males tbh, like they legit use gay guys as a fuckn object like “OMG !!!! GAYSZ !!! SO CUT E I LOVE THEM !!! COME SHIP W/ ME I LOVE GAY BOYZ !!! :’)” lmfaooo miss me w/ this shit !!! u wanna chat about lesbians being fetishised by cishet men and yet u only give a fuck about mlm when they’re being a cutesy lil otps or banging it out so u can flick ur bean hmm ?? i see u. but yeah, it’s not exclusively cishet girls who do this shit… like, cis ppl in general are pretty shit at playing trans males, specifically. like you’re lucky to find a single starter that isn’t tagged as “indie smut rp” or “indie gay rp” or if their threads aren’t laced with sexualised scenarios or worse… the dreaded C-Word. like bruh if ur not a trans male u literally have no business using that word regarding ur muse. ever.
tbh 99% of the time they don’t even realise just how gross they’re being, bc, as i mentioned before, they don’t have any concept of what it’s like to be trans and how gross and intrusive ppl can be towards us. they think that it’s just the same as writing any character and that they can sexualise them if they want to, without realising that .. it’s very different when you’re outside that community. you’re not exploring an aspect of your identity, so much as reducing someone else’s to a very, very small sector of theirs and then using it for entertainment.
tl;dr: it’s literally a clusterfuck of nope tbh and, on a personal lvl, i’m almost at the point of thinking it would be better if cis ppl don’t play trans charries, bc the bad far outweighs the good in terms of how harmful it can be. that said, i do not think that telling cis ppl not to play trans characters is the right thing to do, bc of the following:
the people who do the disgusting things i’ve mentioned above or anything else that’s nasty don’t listen to us anyway, so it’s not gonna solve that problem.
it reinforces the “write what you know” mantra, which i think we can all agree is so old n outdated in 2k17.
sometimes writing characters is how people manage to learn new things about themselves. i’ve actually met people who, through their character research, have realised that they identify as non binary or trans. having an outlet for feelings they may be having really helps some ppl along.
lastly, and what i personally believe to be the crux of this issue, is that by trying to police something like this you are essentially forcing disclosure of ooc gender. not everyone is comfortable or ready to say they are trans or they may not be sure about their gender identity at all, so forcing them to make it known for the sake of playing a character is not okay. and, ofc, we have the obvious addition that ppl lie, so you’re relying on good faith to carry it out.
so yeah, that’s my v. long-winded two cents on the matter. i have a feeling i’ve missed some details, but it’s 3am and i need to be up by like 9:30 so that’s all for now !! feel free to drop me another question if i’ve fuckt anything up or u would like clarification on anything !
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archived-twigwise · 8 years ago
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This is an nsfw text post musing about transformers porn, skip if you don’t want to read pls thx
i love a lot about transformers sticky smut, especially that writers often (not always, but often) give “male” mechs something resembling a human vagina in addition to something resembling a human penis. and usually, in those cases, it’s treated as something completely normal. no “futa” fetishizm (GROSS TRANSPHOBIA in other words) or other transphobia, just... this is alien biology, this is how cybertronians (in these instances) have “sex,” it’s normal (in this context)
but then I read a fic where the author is treating it as freakish that a “male” cybertronian might prefer valveplay to spikeplay and it’s..... so gross. just say you hate trans people and think trans men should only want to have a dick. just do it
something something i read sticky fic not because i think it’s what would be true for cybertronians but because it helps make me feel more at ease with my body (as a trans man) but then shit like this happens
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kf14wxbw-blog · 5 years ago
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