#love me some incredibly dysfunctional families

[irregularbillcipher]

demon show is one of the biggest examples of a fanbase doing a lot of heavy lifting to play around with/explore premises that the show doesn't seem interested in, but are wildly entertaining

[yellowwwcrayon]

There's just something so oddly special about this Deadpool and this Wolverine together. I don't think the Logan in any of the other prior films would have liked Wade this much (well, maybe old man him from that Logan movie) or would have bothered to stay and meet Wade's little dysfunctional family. They're both worn down, exhausted outcasts when they meet here. But the thing I love the most about their dynamic in the movie is that there's no judgment coming from Wade. He just accepts how messed up Logan is and finds this hairy murderous man with anger issues and sexy abs super neat, and I think there's a huge comfort in that. Logan doesn't have to pretend to be some great hero and no one is there to express disappointment when he fails or starts chugging rubbing alcohol because he's a raging alcoholic. He doesn’t need a savior, he just needs a fugly guy in a red suit that can’t die cheering him on from the sidelines and inappropriately groping him at inconvenient times. Some of my mutuals ship Spideypool, but I never got into it (no offense). Peter is too moral to ever make things between them work in my head. The constant judgment from everyone probably doesn't help, either. Don’t get me wrong, Logan has morals, obviously, but he's not above killing and doing bad shit. And I personally prefer older bottoms.

tldr - THEY MATCH EACH OTHER'S FREAK and I find that incredibly sexy ;)

[quixoticprince]

Yayyy!! Yippee!! I finally get to make one of these!! Art without the text under the cut and some long-winded elaborations:

How long I've been playing: well, it hasn't been a straight 11 years, rather off and on - but I have drawings of these guys dating back to when I was 14, so I'll give it to me. And man I had no business reading the fanfics I was reading back then It's also crazy how this was a super influential media for me in so many ways. It's the reason I ever made a tumblr, it changed the direction of my drawings for a long while, my broken sense of humor (gmod animation memes and yt poops were the brainrot back then), tf2 Sniper changed my god damned gender (rather, it was the inspiration for me to start socially transitioning at 15). This is part of my personal lore that I tend to not admit to 😓

Your main: I've always been completely ass at the game, and I can play flexibly, but I enjoy playing Sniper, and more recently as Heavy. Whenever I'm sitting around somewhere, occasionally throwing sandwiches and attracting Medics, I feel like this:

Favorite character: When I was younger it was definitely Medic, and I think you can tell that he's still up there based on how much I've drawn him! However, since getting back into it, I've felt quite a shift in focus towards Heavy, very strongly. It's unfortunate that he's side-lined in a lot of fanwork, and I think I'm also complicit in this so far - but for me it's cuz, how tf2 works is that it's going to prioritize humor over character and consistency haha, and Medic is just so loud and insane that he's really easy to make fun stuff with. Heavy is a more serious and grounded character, not to say that he's not funny or that he doesn't have his own cartoon slapstick moments! But that aspect of him is what is really really intriguing to me. I love his quiet, stoic, and intimidating character, I like how loud and boisterous he is when filled with bloodlust in contrast! I love his bird story and him getting into wrestling as a child from Poker Night. I love his back story setting, there's so much to extrapolate from a young boy in Russia growing up during WWII, what his parents must have been through before that from the aftermaths of the revolution, all the way to his fathers execution and his imprisonment. I love his strong relationship with his family, his role as an older brother, as a protector, as a man - the way that he performs these roles - and because I personally see him as bisexual - how his orientation intersects with all that! He is incredibly fascinating to me and I wish that he was played around with more to see a lot more corners and angles of these things that I listed! There's way more that I want to say here too but this is getting very long 😅

Character I relate to: It's so interesting that a lot of the characters have very strong, tho maybe dysfunctional, families. Heavy, Demo, and Sniper in particular really speak to me in that relation. From Heavy being an eldest brother (I am also an eldest sibling) the parentification that comes with that, especially with him probably being like 10 years older than his sisters from the looks of it. Demo and Sniper both struggle living up to their parents expectations (although there's a lot of love there from everyone), being disappointments in one way or another (not gonna deep dive into that lol), and the general alienation both of them feel. From Sniper not knowing why he's not like other Australians to Demo being "a black Scottish cyclops." And well, I'm Filipino, I'm queer, and mentally ill so - there's a lot to project there!

Class you want to play as: I find Medic incredibly stressful to play as but I find the idea of battle medics incredibly funny. However I usually find myself rushing around madly trying to cater to everyone, and I'd like to just not give a shit and just start stabbing people with a saw lol

Favorite ship: "I just like the dynamic" - The dynamic:

No but fr, they're really compelling to me, I'd probably need a longer more thought out post as to what I like about them and I was already going crazy up there ^ Overall tho I like that they're practically built for each other in terms of mechanics, really plays into my desire to spiral into intense codependency haha. I also think that Medic's drive to cheat death and hide behind meat shields plays really well into Heavy's desire to be a meat shield and a protector, and how nice it is in turn, that Medic can grant this man who's been around death, starvation, and war invulnerability. (He outsmart boolet, yknow?) They're also depicted together a lot and I like how much they enjoy each others company, and bring a lot of joy to each other. It's beautiful to me :'^)

Character you like to draw: What can I say! Medic is handsome! He is very fun to draw and easy to make memes and shit posts out of!

[daiziesssart]

a humiliatingly long character analysis of lily evans

Someone sent me an ask that briefly mentioned how misunderstood Lily is, and before I knew it I was typing out this monster. I am. sorry. This is literally just me rambling about her, what I find compelling about her character, and why her character is so often misunderstood.

This is long as hell so I'm putting it under a read more lolol

Part of the reason I like Lily so much (other than my being ginger and projecting onto any redheaded female character I see) is that even though she isn’t explored as much as her other Marauders Era counterparts, we know enough about her to start building the framework for her character. And what I see is a girl who was incredibly interesting, kind, and flawed.

One thing I always think about in regards to Lily is that she was dealt with a pretty unfair hand. As soon as she receives her letter, she’s basically torn between two worlds, both of which have been less than welcome to her. On one hand, we have the muggle world that she’s known all her life, but once she starts integrating into the wizarding world, she likely feels a bit of a disconnect with that world. To twist the knife further, her sister- whom she loved dearly and grew up so close with- starts outwardly resenting her with such unbridled hostility that they likely couldn’t even be in a room alone together without major conflict. 

On the other hand, we have the wizarding world– a world she’s not as familiar with and one she soon learns holds a demographic of people who hate everything she is and would rather see her excommunicated or even dead. And even though finding out you’re a witch/wizard is probably such an exciting and life-changing moment, I can’t help but also take note of the difficulties, especially if you’re the only one in your family with magic. You’re essentially uprooted from the only way of life you’ve known at an already complicated age, and now you have to quickly become acclimated to this new world that you only just found out existed. Not only that, but now you’re suddenly attending a school with classes that are primarily focused on this world of magic (which is still brand new to you), and you have to work extra hard to play catch up in order to do well. Like, that all seems like… a lot for a kid to handle.

And then I remember how young she was when she was thrown into that mess. She was only 11, and kids that age desperately crave any sense of belonging. I mean, that’s something that still holds true for adults, but it’s especially critical for a developing child. So imagine Lily, ages 11-15, struggling to stay afloat in this weird purgatory between these two parts of herself, both of which have been the cause for major and traumatic experiences relating to rejection in her life.

(I say it was the “cause” even though it’s obvious that those things were never her fault at all, but when you’re a young kid navigating the world, the only thing you’re able to process is that the common denominator is you, therefore you’re the one who must shoulder the blame.)

So now we have this tween-teenaged girl who has a dysfunctional relationship with two major parts of identity and probably feels absolutely lost. 

This is why her hesitancy to end her friendship with Snape makes sense to me. Even though by fifth year he’s already well past toeing the line with the dark arts, Lily was willing to overlook some pretty egregious and troubling things in order to maintain the relationship. I kind of interpret that as her way of desperately clinging on to any sense of belonging she has left; her relationship with Petunia has already been poisoned, and now there are people who resent her existence as a witch; if she loses Severus too, what and who else does she have? And what tone does that set for her, if everyone and everything she’s come to hold close to her ends up turning her away?

It’s also important to note that not only is Severus one of her few remaining connections to the muggle world, but he’s also a wizard who grew up in the muggle world; he understands her, and I don’t doubt that he gave her some stability at times when she needed it (her finding out about her being a witch, her having trouble acclimating to the wizarding world, etc).

I see this as being one of her flaws and I can actually appreciate how relatable and realistic it feels. Lily is not a bad person; on the contrary, you’d be hard pressed to find anyone to describe her as such. Not to get all clinical and boring, but the interesting thing about (unhealthy) coping mechanisms is that it can actually be really hard to identify them in your own behavior. Unless you’re in therapy and/or are actively psychoanalyzing yourself, you likely don’t even realize how many of your common behaviors are born from self defense mechanisms put in place by your brain after past events.

To me, it makes sense why she avoided actually confronting the idea that Snape was too far gone. We know that she was aware of the path Severus was taking, but it almost seems like she was still convinced that she could save him, and could possibly steer him back in the right direction. It’s only when she becomes the target of his bigotry that she realizes that the Snape who called her a ‘mudblood’ was not the same Severus who was the one who held her hand and introduced her to this new, exciting world.

In a general sense, yes, it is selfish, to only take a stand when something starts affecting you personally. But I also think it’s important to note that it’s unlikely that this was a conscious decision on Lily’s part. In my eyes, it was easier to delude herself into thinking she still had a chance to save him before it was too late when she was able to separate him from his actions (considering, a lot of the time, she was only hearing about them after the fact, rather than seeing them firsthand). But the elusion is shattered once she sees that the Snape she grew up with– her friend, Severus– is, in fact, the same person who’s out there calling other students slurs, dismissing the malicious use of Dark Magic on others as just “a laugh”. There we see a Lily who is actually revealed to have been somewhat aware of Snape’s involvement with the darker side of magic, and genuinely feels pretty ashamed about her inaction.

Also, this is in no way me being a Snape-anti, and I actually could do an entire separate analysis on his character alone and why I find him so interesting.

Anyways, that moment in SWM is probably somewhat of an epiphany to her. It’s like a dam that’s been broken, and now she’s overwhelmed with the realization of exactly how much she overlooked in order to keep their friendship afloat. And for someone like Lily Evans, someone whom we know is opinionated and unafraid to call others out on their bullshit, that can be hard to swallow and feel pretty mortifying and shameful. And I think this was a huge turning point for her- at that point, she doesn’t have the luxury of avoiding uncomfortable truths anymore and now that she’s getting closer to graduating and being thrown out into the world on the brink of war, this was probably a really sobering discovery.

This is where we don’t have as much info to go off of, and a lot of it is up to interpretation. But we actually have little crumbs to go off of following her graduation and leading up to her death.

One of my favorite little tidbits isn’t in the books, and @seriousbrat's post reminded me about it. Here's the actual entry on Pottermore for anyone who's interested, but I'll summarize: after James and Lily began dating, Lily brings James to meet newly engaged Petunia and Vernon. Everything goes downhill, because Vernon is a smarmy asshole, and James is still pretty immature and can’t help but mess with him (which… fair, I guess). Petunia and Vernon storm out after Petunia letting Lily know that she had no intentions of having her as a bridesmaid, which causes Lily to break down into tears. I mention this because I also think it’s a pretty important aspect of her character; like we’ve seen in her past friendship with Snape, Lily seems more than willing to forgive others most of the time. Petunia is a bit of a complicated character herself, but she was objectively very cruel and unfair to Lily once it became obvious that she was a witch and Petunia was not.

Something that always stands out to me is just how desperate Lily is to earn Petunia’s trust and approval again. Even up until her death, she was more than willing to mend the relationship, were Petunia ever to consider. 

This is a detail about Lily that I feel is misunderstood quite a bit. I’ve seen a lot of instances of her character being reduced to a one-dimensional archetype with little to no complexity. And often, that archetype is “know-it-all, prudish, self righteous bookworm who is also a goody two-shoes with a stick up her ass”. What annoys me is that the reason for this is most definitely the scene in which she blows up at James in SWM for bullying Snape, and hurls quite a few insults at him directly after an extremely devastating and overwhelming situation for her. This frustrates me because we know for a fact that she’s the polar opposite of this archetype I’ve seen her reduced to. 

In actuality, she’s referred to as popular, charming, witty, bright and kind. From flashbacks we also are shown that she’s opinionated, bold, and not afraid to challenge others. With other context, like her interpersonal relationships, we can also see that she’s pretty emotionally driven and wears her heart on her sleeve. 

(I know Remus didn’t mention Lily much in the books, but I really love how he described her in the movies. He tells Harry that the first thing he noticed about him was not his striking resemblance to his father, but his eyes, the same eyes Lily had. He also calls her a “singularly gifted witch” and an “uncommonly kind woman”.

“She had a way of seeing the beauty in others, even and perhaps most especially, when that person could not see it in themselves.”

I know there are mixed feelings on whether or not the films count as canon source material, so take it with a grain of salt, but I personally cannot see a world in which Lily and Remus didn’t become close friends.)

Here we have a direct description of what she was like and who she was, corroborated by recounting of memories of her, and yet for some reason, this feels like the thing that is most commonly lost in translation.

I don’t think I can say why I think that is without mentioning the dreaded M word (misogyny- it’s misogyny), but I also don’t want to get too off topic so I’ll be brief: female characters are typically not given the same grace as male characters. When we have an undeveloped male character, he’s awarded the assumption that despite his lack of depth, there still exists a complex and multifaceted character– it’s merely just potential that hasn’t been tapped into. Whereas when we have underdeveloped female characters, they are taken at face value, meaning that not much exists beyond the little information we have of them. They are not presumed to have a life or a story that exists beyond the surface of what we know like male characters are. That’s why I think characters like Regulus, Evan, or Barty (just to name a few) are more popular than Lily, despite being less developed than she is.

(Before anyone gets defensive, no, I don’t think it’s an individual problem that you alone need to be shamed for. I think it’s the result of a deeper issue regarding misogyny in media as a concept; these are things that we’ve all unknowingly internalized and while it’s not our fault, we still have to do the work to deconstruct those learned prejudices.)

What I find really cool about her character is that despite how much she’s been hurt, she’s also still known as one of the most loving, kind, and considerate characters. There were so many times in her life where the love she received was conditional and ripped away from her– and I think that’s what makes her sacrifice even more poignant. She was able to protect her infant son from an extremely powerful dark wizard, wand-less, knowing that her husband was just murdered in cold blood, just from how much love she felt for Harry. Her love was a force of nature on its own, and I just think that’s such an amazing thing about her. 

I know I’m biased, given that she’s one of my favorite characters, but even upon delving into this, I still just find it so incredibly hard to understand how anyone can actively hate her (not indifference, but actual dislike). In my opinion (again, no one is unbiased, and she is a favorite character of mine, but trust me when I say that I’m trying to be objective as possible when I say this), she’s probably one of the most likable characters of the Marauders Era. I think perhaps a lot of people haven’t given her a chance or really taken the time to learn about her character, but it could be a myriad of other reasons that I’ll never understand. 

There's so much more I could say but this is long enough and I will stop myself

Lily Evans, u will always be famous to me

[wlntrsldler]

poisoned mercury | long way home

a/n: poisoned mercury is officially over :( but i will be adding small blurbs in between chapters and adding post-chb five star and luke to the masterlist because i'm not ready to say bye to them just yet. enjoy pm's sophomore album cover, optimism don't come easy (unless it's with you). also no tags for this one because tumblr has been super weird and the tags haven't been working for everyone.

x. long way home by 5sos

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“thank you all for your participation this summer at camp half blood,” mr. d said into the microphone. he was finishing up his end-of-the-year speech and there was no dry eye in the house. all the campers were sniffling as they reminisced on all the memories they made this summer. your dad cleared his throat, “if any of you tell anyone that i cried, i will never forgive you.” 

annabeth giggled, rubbing the tears from her eyes, “your dad makes that joke every year, i swear.” 

“oh, i’m sure,” you replied, laughing along with her. “above all, he is a dad and that means he recycles the same jokes over and over again.” 

“and they’re never funny,” percy added, though he was laughing at what mr. d was saying. “but i feel like i gotta laugh or else i won’t be accepted next year.” 

“you have my permission to not laugh, perce,” you nudged him. “he gotta get some new material.” 

“hey,” clarisse said from beside you. you turned to her, letting annabeth, percy, and grover fall into their own conversation. she was no longer adorned in her camp counselor outfit, opting to wear something from her own closet now that her duties for the summer were finished. “thanks for getting me this job, y/n. kinda changed my life with this one.” 

your eyes darted between clarisse and chris, who was waiting by the wings of the stage ready for his cue to close out the farewell celebration. you placed a hand on clarisse’s knee, giving it a squeeze, “thanks for always having my back, clar.” 

“always,” she nodded, “you’re my sister.” 

you were feeling a lot of things at once. there were a lot of emotions coursing through your veins. you always knew that there were people who cared about you. your parents had a funny way of showing it sometimes, but you never doubted that they loved you. your friends, clarisse, silena, charlie, were always there for you, even during the most stressful times of your life. the poisoned mercury boys who welcomed you with open arms like you were a part of their dysfunctional family the whole time. 

and luke. 

where do you even start with luke? luke castellan was the boy you had promised yourself never to fall for again. the heartbreaker, the player, the musician, and yet, here you were, completely eating your words. everything you thought you knew about him was wrong and since you let your guard down, your world was turned on its axis. he was so much more than what people made him out to be. he was so much more than you expected him to be. 

and you were lucky enough to have him. who knew a summer in montauk would lead to this? 

“to close out our incredible summer, welcome poisoned mercury!” your dad said, clapping wildly as the boys entered the stage. he placed the mic back on the stand, giving short hugs to the band as they walked up to him. luke was the last to hug your dad and their interaction lasted longer than the rest of the boys’. when they pulled away from their embrace, luke had a slight blush on his face and a goofy grin as his eyes scanned the crowd to find you. 

he sent you a shy wave from the stage as he adjusted the mic to his level. you blew him a kiss, which he returned and that made the crowd go wild. to them, luke was blowing a kiss into the ether, a message with no recipient, but you knew it was meant for you. something about it made your heart constrict in your chest. it was still hard to believe he chose you, but luke spent every waking moment making sure you believed it. 

“camp half blood,” luke said, eyes twinkling under the lights. travis picked up his drumsticks from the floor, giving the left one a twirl, as he got situated on his stool. connor and chris played their guitars experimentally, tweaking the strings to get the right key. “man, i don’t even think we can explain just how thankful we are to have spent the summer with you all.” 

luke turned around to face the boys who all nodded in agreement.luke faced the crowd again, sighing, “i learned a lot of things here. one being, there are a lot of talented people out there in the world. getting to work with y’all was such an amazing experience. many of you guys are aspiring musicians, and i’m here to tell you to keep going. i know it seems like sometimes your dreams aren’t worth chasing, but i promise you they are.” 

“some of you kids are so talented,” luke said, shaking his head in disbelief. “little beth, i’m talking about you when i say this. you’re brilliant and i know i’m gonna be seeing your name in the charts in a few years. you got more talent in your pinky finger than we four up here have combined.” 

the rest of the boys laughed, but agreed. luke narrowed his eyes, searching for a few more faces to give a shoutout to, “oh! and our boys percy and grover! we love you guys. keep in touch. you guys have to join us in the studio one day.” 

“did luke castellan just give us a shoutout?” grover asked, turning to percy with his eyes as wide as saucers. 

you laughed, patting him on the back, “i believe he did.” 

“holy shit,” percy mumbled. 

“language.” 

“come on, counselor clarisse,” the blond boy groaned, “camp is over.” 

clarisse huffed, smiling teasingly, “fine. i’ll give you a pass this one time.” 

“not many people know this, but i went to camp half blood when i was younger,” luke continued, looking down at his feet. “it was my favorite place in the world. some of my best memories involved me sitting right where many of you are sitting right now, but then life happened and things went sideways for me for a while. it took me a while to pick up a guitar again, but man, i’m so glad i did.” 

“if it wasn’t for music, i wouldn’t be here in front of you guys today,” he smiled, locking eyes with you, “and i wouldn’t have had the best summer of my life.” 

“holy shit,” clarisse said, mimicking percy. she turned to you with a wide grin, “castellan is talking about you up there.” 

“he is not.” 

as if he read your mind, luke leaned into the mic, “thanks, five star.” 

your heart swelled as memories of this summer flooded your mind; the smoke sessions in your secret spot that soon became luke’s as much as it was yours. hours sitting on the creaky bench as you both got lost in the fog of vices and genuine conversations. the bench where you learned about luke and he learned about you, something more than just introductions and superficial answers; the countless impromptu jam sessions in your cabin that started with you playing records on your speaker and ended with the boys playing their instruments as they screamed out lyrics to their favorite songs with you and clarisse. constant noise complaints from neighboring cabins because you were being too loud so late at night with melodies and laughter escaping through your open window. luke pulling you into his lap as he whispered cheesy love songs into your ear as you giggled; the days in your room, locked away with luke, enjoying his company. his lips always finding their way back to yours like a promise that he’ll always be around. luke. luke luke. 

you were glad the lights were focused on the stage so nobody could see your red cheeks. the boys cheered from behind luke, unabashedly voicing their approval of your relationship. the crowd cheered along, even if none of them knew what the situation was. luke rolled his eyes at his friends for the commotion they started, “the song we’re playing for you today is not yet released, but we decided that it’s the perfect song to end the perfect summer. this song is called long way home, we hope you like it.” 

–

“did you know you had a dimple on your back?” you asked, letting your finger linger in the crevice on luke’s skin. goosebumps raised on his tanned flesh as you lightly grazed his exposed back. “right here.” 

“mhm,” he replied, off-handedly. he didn’t really know what you were saying. he was too dazed by the feeling of your touch on him. you two were on the grass on the hill by the lake, a reprieve, a plead for time to stop even just for a few minutes. tomorrow summer would officially be over. tomorrow the two of you would be leaving camp half blood. tomorrow you would no longer have empty hours to fill with each other. 

luke didn’t want to think about it too much. he’d gotten too used to finding you lounging in your room or in the living room where he could join you to do nothing. to do everything. he didn’t know how he’d survive the next few months without you. your coach gave you the all-clear to resume practice once you were back on campus, which meant that visits during short breaks were no longer an option. luke was happy that things worked out for you, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed that you could no longer visit him during thanksgiving break. 

droplets of water from your hair trickled down his back. he was face down with his head facing you, eyes fluttered shut as a sign of peace, while you leaned over him, tracing shapes on his back. you’d both just emerged from the water, checking off items on your “summer goodbye bucket list.” that’s what you’ve been up to this last week, revisiting memories and places that you weren’t ready to leave yet. 

you chuckled softly, pressing a light kiss on luke’s spine. he smiled at the feeling of your lips, eyes hazily opening to meet yours. you took your place beside him, propping yourself up on an elbow as you watched luke come back to his senses, “are you even listening to me?” 

“of course,” he lied, grinning at you in the boyish and charming way that always had your knees buckling. he squinted as you moved your head, the heat of the sun hitting his face, “‘m always listening to you, five star.” 

“liar.” 

he laughed then, letting the sound echo into the air, “i try my best, at least. but i’m no multitasker. i can’t concentrate when you’re sitting here all pretty in front of me and touching me like this.” 

“you’re such a flirt,” you grimaced, though the smile on your face gave away your true feelings for the boy. luke looked pretty like this. there was no tension in his shoulders, like he was finally letting himself breathe. you wondered when you’d see him like this again. just last night after the celebration, you two had stayed up talking until deep into the night about how nervous he was to come back to the spotlight. he’d found solace in camp half blood, in not having to look over his shoulder every day in fear of the world. he didn’t know how the public would react to him being back again, especially since he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep up his facade now that it’s all crumbled since he met you. 

maybe it was his lack of sleep that was making him vulnerable and a little delirious, but he shared with you that he felt like he’s changed. the luke that walked into camp half blood who was too scared to be himself in fear of rejection and failure was no longer there. a few months ago, he wouldn’t be caught dead like this, all soft and gentle for a girl. he couldn’t remember the last time he wanted to see a girl more than once. but with you, he couldn’t help it. the luke that he truly was became his default state when he was with you. all he wanted to do was hold you in his arms and be with you for as long as you’d let him. 

“you say that like it’s a bad thing, baby,” he grumbled, raising a hand to shield his eyes from the sun. “you don’t like it when i flirt with you?” 

you rolled your eyes playfully, adjusting your head until you fully blocked the light from his face again. you laced your fingers with his, letting out a hum when he squeezed your hand. “i didn’t say that.” 

“so, let me flirt with you,” luke said. “i like flirting with you. you blush every time i do it and i think it’s fucking adorable.” 

“stop,” you whined knowing that the blush he was referring to was starting to show on your skin. maybe you could blame it on the heat, but you both knew that that would be a lie. it was because of him. it was always because of him. “you like teasing me, don’t you, castellan?” 

“a little bit,” he admitted, scrunching his face up in a way that brought out the creases between his eyebrows. his lips curved into a lopsided smile. his arms reached out to snake around your waist, pulling you on his body as he laid on his back. he placed his hands along the expanse of your bare thighs as you situated yourself on his abdomen. your fingers played with the silver chain around his neck. luke massaged your thighs, sighing out, “i like knowing i have that effect on you.” 

“me and half the female population,” you snorted, “as much as you act like you know just how amazing you are since you have a gigantic ego, i feel like you also don’t give yourself enough credit.” 

luke quirked an eyebrow, “was that a compliment, five star?” 

“don’t get used to it,” you smacked his shoulder lightly, making him let out a chuckle. his chest rumbled from under you as his hands made their way up your waist. luke’s hands were always warm. he had callouses on his fingers from playing guitar and bumps on his palms from lifting at the gym. there were characteristics about his hands that made you believe that you’d know his touch even if you were blindfolded. there was something different in the way he touched you, even in the most innocent ways, you knew when it was luke. there was a light in your brain that would go off every time he was around, like your body, mind, and heart knew when he was there. 

“i’ll take what i can get,” he conceded.

“does it bother you that i don’t compliment you as much as you compliment me?” 

“nah,” he replied, looking up at you. the sun was framing your face in a way that made his breath hitch. you looked ethereal like this. it was like you were a figment of his imagination. luke had to place his hand flat on your ribcage to feel you breathe just to convince himself that you were real. “makes these little moments even sweeter.” 

“but you know, right?” you questioned, eyes not once leaving his own. a shadow of doubt flashed across your irises. “you know what i think of you?” 

luke castellan had a way with words that left you speechless. perhaps it was because he was a songwriter, trained to string together words in a way that you could never achieve. he made a living by writing, by voicing how he felt, and turning it into art, into music. there were many moments where luke would say things so poetically that it made your head spin. he says things so casually, so easily like he didn’t just utter out the most romantic things you’ve ever heard in your life. 

you envied him for it, a little bit. you wished you could tell him how you felt about him as easily as he said it with you, but anything you tried to say felt like it would pale in comparison. luke didn’t mind. you had your own way of showing him how you felt. it was in your touch, taking your time to admire his imperfections. it was in the way you kissed him, smiling so wide like you couldn’t help it whenever he would press his lips to yours. it was in the way you paid attention to him, the little things that he didn’t even realize he did. 

“‘course, i do,” luke tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear. he took his time bringing his hand back to your waist. he liked seeing you nuzzle your face into his palm as you kissed his wrist. “but i wouldn’t be opposed to hearing you say it, either.” 

“i’m not good at saying how i feel,” you said, shoulder hunching as you spoke. it felt like you were letting him in on a secret that you’d never told anyone else. luke could feel his heartbeat in his chest. you dropped the poisoned mercury pendant back on his chest as you leaned down to bury your face in the crook of his neck. “i’m working on it, though. might just take me a while.” 

luke smiled at you. his voice was earnest as he placed a kiss on the top of your head, “we got all the time in the world, five star. there’s no rush.” 

you furrowed your eyebrows at his words, “we leave tomorrow, luke.” 

“mhm,” he repeated, thumb running across your lower back. it made you shiver, the realization of his words hitting you. “like i said, we got all the time in the world.” 

you pulled away from him, cradling his face in your hands as you placed a kiss on his lips, “yeah, we do.” 

[habaritess]

Is Claire Bear one of the villains of The Bear? Part 1

This is going to be kind of long, so I decided it'd be better to cut it up into 2 parts.

Recent discussions on here about Claire and Donna (@currymanganese, @thoughtfulchaos773) has got me really thinking about her character. I find it was weird how the majority of the people in The Bear have such a high opinion of her, and yet what we the audience see from her short time on screen is someone much more grey and maybe even a little sinister. Why sinister? Because Claire seems to have a major lack of conscience and is also incredibly manipulative. If Claire is such a great person like every fricken character seems to believe, then why do the writers create a character that has this many alarm bells?

I wanted to “understand” it.

I believe the first warning signs of Claire was that story she told about her childhood. A childhood friend broke her arm and while all the other kids were scared and panicked, Claire was calm. Carmy assumed it’s because she wanted to learn how to fix her broken arm so that she can help her, but Claire said she wanted to understand it. The graphic injury made her want to understand it. Let that sink in. The other kids were disturbed by the injury and no doubt also by the cries of the injured girl. Claire wasn’t. She was mentally disconnected from the scene because her empathy wasn't activated. Instead, she chooses to analyze the broken arm as if it isn’t connected to a fellow playmate. I suspect that this story Claire tells explains exactly what kind of person she is. She looks at people as a thing to analyze, and she does so in order to get what wants from them. 

We get an example of how she observes other people when she correctly guesses what Carmy named his restaurant. Carmy is completely shocked. When you watch the show, you get the impression that Carmy was infatuated with Claire while they were growing up, but they weren’t close. Definitely not close enough to the point where Carmy would have spoken to Claire about what he would name his hypothetical restaurant, but Claire is quite confident that Carmy had once “told” her. He never did. I suspect that Claire has been observing Carmy, just as she has been observing many people, and she guessed what he would have named just by what she knew of him. In one way, you could view this scene as a sweet thing, that it is evidence of Claire being secretly in love with Carmy for a long time, but the way the scene was portrayed was not of something sweet( or at least that was my impression of it). In fact, Carmy seemed a little disturbed by it even, and I suspect even he had some small alarm bells going off.

During the whole conversation, Carmy gave off the impression that he was forcing himself to make small talk with an older acquaintance to avoid being rude, but he would rather been anywhere else. He had no intentions of getting reacquainted with Claire, and gave the fake number as a way to dodge any future engagements. Most people would have taken the hint… but not Claire.

Claire always gets what she wants.

It is very common for a person who grew up in abusive, dysfunctional households to find themselves in relationships with abusive individuals. It’s partly because these individuals are drawn to the negative treatment that they are used to and don’t believe they deserve anything better, and also because abusive people are adept at spotting abused individuals, and know who they can and can’t manipulate. 

Little observant Claire knows Carm. She probably knew of his past crush on her and knew of his family issues. Carmy used to be way more withdrawn and quiet, lacking any friends, and was probably desperate for any positive attention. Carmy is one easy to manipulate, and Claire knows this and takes full advantage. Claire wants her some Carmy. I don’t believe she always liked Carmy, but I believe she was fully aware of his attraction towards her and probably had Carmy as a possible person to get with in the future if need be. She wanted her some Carmy and shoot her shot, but the first sign of trouble for her was Carmy barely recognizing her. She continued on and got what she thought was his number, only to find out it was a fake. This probably enraged her, and she went on a mission to get him, and get him she does through pure manipulation tactics.

She calls him, the first thing she does is ask him if he gave her a fake number, then informs him that she is “hurt”. This is the first guilt trip. Claire knows that poor, sad, lonely Carmy who grew up in a dysfunctional family that he consistently tried and failed to please, would be horrified at the idea that he let someone down. That they were sad because of him. Claire goes on to inform him that she knows his entire family plus the Faks. This is important. She is informing Carmy that he can’t escape. She is tying him down to her and giving him only a few choices.

Carmy does not confront problematic individuals. He spent the majority of his life living with his alcoholic and narcissistic mother who could never be reasoned with. He learned it was better to withdraw within himself, dissociate, and appease the people around him in order to lessen the toxicity of his environment rather than confront the problems directly. Eventually, he learned the only other way for peace is to cut certain people out of his life, and he did so by cutting off the majority of his family. If he can’t separate from them, he reverts back to his coping mechanism for dealing with his dysfunctional family,  mentally absorbing their toxicity and trying his best to appease them, never truly standing up for himself, like he did so with David Shields, the evil chef in his past. Claire took away his option to run away. She knows too many of the people he knows. Her threats trap him with her and he reluctantly accepts he can’t get away from her and rather than be upfront and straight up telling her he can’t deal with her right now, he reverts back to what he usually does and focuses on appeasing her needs. Claire continues on the attack by repeatedly asking him why he gave her a fake number and applying more mental pressure. He denies it and apologizes repeatedly for the mistake, and note that in this scene, she smiles broadly at his apologies. She is loving his groveling and knows she got him where she wants.

He is still the weak Carmy she observed growing up. She still continues on accusing him of giving her a fake number, really laying down the guilt trip. She then asks him if he truly wanted her to have the number to which nonconfrontational Carmy reassures her that he did, but come on. Listen to him. He sounded incredibly unenthused and she had him repeat it twice. She is not stupid. She knows he didn’t want her to have his number. Rather than accept reality, she doubles down. She asks him if he was busy today. Carmy hesitated for bit and was trying to confirm to her that, yes, he was busy, but despite knowing that he was going to decline her, Claire interrupts him, tells him not to make this weird, and asks for a favor. Carmy is guilt tripped into believing he did wrong for giving Claire a fake number and thus denying such a favor would be really wrong. Claire made it such a big deal that she even threatened to have Fak punch Carmy in the face for it, really laying down how disagreeable his actions were to her and that he deserved punishment in some way for it. Carmy is gaslighted into thinking his actions were horrible and now he must make it up to Claire… somehow. He does so by doing what he has learned to do since his childhood. Do what they want no matter what he feels about.

Now that Carmy feels like he owes Claire his attention, they start to make future plans together. Now, Carmy doesn't want to do this with Claire, but feels obligated to do it since he feels like he can’t escape her. On season 2 episode 5, Carmy decides to use the forced time he has with Claire to do something productive for the restaurant. He actually changes their plans to hang out… to go mail their wine permit off. Note here that before he calls Claire, Carmy actually sighs twice and shifts uncomfortably on his feet. Note that Carmy shuffles his feet when he is in a situation he doesn’t want to be in, like he did in the beginning of the Christmas episode with his family. He really, really, REALLY doesn’t want to hang out with Claire at all, but forces himself to appease her.

We get another inkling of how emotionally detached Claire is when she brags about being a horrible driver. The girl is a doctor, but she is excited about being a bad driver because of the risks involved. Being a bad driver not only put the driver at risks, but others as well, but Claire does not care about this part. Now one can suggests she is just joking to play with Carmy, but putting what she says in context with other things she said, it fits her personality to not think of others. Carmy attempts to start a conversation with Claire by asking her about her residency. Claire chooses not to answer him and instead tries to throw it back at him, leading to an incredibly uncomfortable moment. One thing I notice about the beginning of this scene is that Claire is clearly annoyed by Carmy’s change of plans. You can see how irritated she is in the beginning of the scene by her head movements and expression, so her dig at Carmy in this conversation was her way of getting back at him.

Claire knows that Carmy is using their hang out time to do something convenient for himself, and she is pissed about it because it’s just yet another sign that he “just not that into her.”

End of Part 1

Part 2

[perseidlion]

I'm new to the KAOS fandom, and I honestly love the way the show is riffing off myth.

I've seen some rumblings of some people thinking they're changing too much. But, uhhh, the show definitely never promised they'd be sticking close to myth by its whole *gestures broadly* deal. Also like...WHICH version of the myths? There are so many and they changed, sometimes drastically over time. KAOS is just really continuing the tradition of remixing these characters and the stories.

I feel like the people who are saying this takes it too far probably have a superficial understanding of Greek and Roman mythology. Cause if you really dig into it, these stories are weird, contradictory, raunchy, violent and tragic.

I was a Classics major for two years (before I decided I couldn't learn Latin or Greek which was required to study primary sources, so I switched majors.) And let me tell you, KAOS is VERY accurate to certain portrayals of the gods. Not all, of course, but many.

Zeus is absolutely a horndog dick who sleeps with all sorts of people and spreads his seed everywhere. I mean, he straight-up disguised himself as other people to have sex with their partners. Animals, too!

Hera is incredibly petty and vindictive and transforms people into all sorts of things as punishment. She was especially hard on any of Zeus' lovers she caught, or his kids from different mothers.

Everyone was doing adultery all the time.

Hades wasn't a meek corporate type, but he also wasn't a devil analogue as he often gets interpreted as in pop culture. He's definitely a big ole grump and doesn't seem to have a soft side, but he's not often portrayed as evil. Zeus is not God and Hades is not Satan. That's really applying a Judeo-Christian framework to Greek mythology.

The myth of Orpheus and Eurydice was always more about grief and not being able to let go than about the power of true love.

The gods gained obedience and worship through fear. They absolutely punished people who didn't worship they way they wanted them to.

The gods were a giant, powerful, highly dysfunctional family with lots of petty grievances and grudges.

The Greeks had no concept of gay or straight. They conceptualized sex and sexuality as acts, not an identity. They were more concerned about who was the passive person in a sexual encounter (for reasons of class and manliness) rather than what gender their partner was. So it makes sense that this modern retelling would have a similiarly open an undefined concept of sex and sexuality.

Greek myth is full of people who change genders or who swap back and forth through magic or prayer, or were both male and female at the same time. Caeneus in the show, is based on a real myth of someone AFAB who wished to become a man.

(sidenote: Misia Butler is so damned charming and handsome.)

It's also important to remember that the religion of the ancient Greeks lasted a very long time and changed over that time. There was also this really interesting dichotomy between the gods of plays and myths and the gods they worshipped in a religious context. That was one thing that is really hard to wrap your head around when you're studying Greek and Roman myth, especially when you're studying it alongside plays and epic poetry.

The gods of the stories who were being vengeful and petty and the gods they sacrificed to and worshipped were not the same - and they were. Sort of imagine it like Christian peoples' perceptions of Jesus vs Jesus in pop culture. Like, if you studied Dogma or Good Omens or something alongside the Bible and didn't distinguish between religion and pop culture, you'd definitely be confused.

So there are all these competing stores, some benevolent and holy, some raucous and scandalous. KAOS very ably continues in that tradition by remixing and recontextualizing the source material for a new audience.

They do some reaaalll weird thing with timelines, though! They squish together myth and pick and choose different versions and inspiration. But honestly that doesn't bother me because it's all done deliberately and not out of ignorance. They're changing what they've changed to serve the story.

Plus it's great fun. It's one of the most creative shows I've seen in ages. Go and watch it! As a bonus, it's also hella queer.

[queenshelby]

Daughter Dearest (Part Four)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy (47) x Step! Daughter (21)

Warning: Infidelity, Smut, Dysfunctional Family

Tag List will be updated soon! Please comment and engage! Thanks so much xxx Thank you @blondie-22 for some amazing ideas...

Over the next few days, Cillian made a conscious effort to distance himself from you. You noticed the change in his behavior, the way he would avoid eye contact, his brusque responses, and the forced smiles. 

He was nice enough, but it was clear that there was some kind of wall between you, and you wondered whether your mother had something to do with it. Maybe she was upset that he treated you well or maybe she knew that, perhaps, you had too much in common. 

Your mother had always enjoyed her new status, as a wife of a Hollywood actor, and she wasn't afraid to use it to get what she wanted.

Free designer clothes, constant attention, and invitations to red-carpet events which, quite obviously, Cillian himself hated and so did you.

You hated all the attention and publicity so much that you had distanced yourself from everything to do with it and, whilst Cillian had been known as a lady's man in the past, since Sadie was born, he became somewhat domesticated.

Your mother, on the other hand, seemed to thrive on the attention. She loved attending parties and events, pretending as though Cillian was some sort of ‘trophy’ husband and this always made you wonder what he actually saw in her when they met.

Your mother was, and still is, incredibly attractive, but surely, this couldn't be enough to keep a man like Cillian in a loveless marriage for so long?

As far as you knew, Cillian was a good person. It just made no sense as to why he wouldn't leave your mother, who you despised, and find someone who genuinely cared about him.

You watched him from afar, sitting on the couch by himself, trying to make sense of the situation. You couldn't quite figure him out and, despite the distance he so evidently tried to keep from you, you still felt drawn to him somehow.

He had just had yet another argument with your mother, and as usual, she had stormed off without talking things out, leaving him on his own with you in the house. 

You took this as an opportunity to join him, wanting to offer some form of support or comfort, unsure of whether or not he would accept it.

"Hey," you greeted him softly, as you took a seat on the chair opposite him, trying your best not to make things awkward between you two.

Cillian looked up from where he was seated, a pained expression on his face, and you couldn't help but feel a tug in your chest in response.

You had known that things between your mother and him were complicated, but you hadn't realized just how much until now. 

He wiped at his face with the back of his hand, and you could see the exhaustion etched deep into his features. 

"Hey , you okay?" you asked, your voice softer now, and you could feel the concern oozing out of every word you spoke.

Cillian sighed before taking a deep breath. "Yeah, just the usual," he replied, attempting to force a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. He looked absolutely drained, and all you wanted to do was wrap him up in a warm embrace and tell him that everything would be okay.

"Do you want to talk about it?" you asked tentatively, not wanting to push him but feeling the need to help in some way.

His gaze lingered on you for a moment, looking as if he was debating whether or not to open up. Finally, he let out a sigh and began to speak.

"I appreciate it, but no," he said with a distant look in his eyes, stumbling over his words. "You are my stepdaughter, and it would be quite inappropriate for me to discuss the issues between your mother and I with you."

You nodded in understanding, feeling the distance between you two widen. "Of course," you said with a small, reassuring smile. "But if there's anything you want to get off your chest, I am here."

A silent moment passed before Cillian replied, "I appreciate that, Y/N", before telling you that your mother had decided to go away with Cliona, on a retreat, while Sadie was spending some time with her grandparents in Cork.  "Your mother will drop Sadie off in Cork and then travel down to Kerry, to stay at our holiday house for the week with Cliona," he explained, as you frowned in response.

"How convenient," you then chuckled as this, in itself, did not surprise you. Your mother had a habit of walking away from her problems rather than facing them. On top of that, in recent days, she had referred to you as a criminal and voiced her concerns about Sadie being around you, which  hurt you deeply - both as a daughter and as a prospective role model for the young girl.

"I wouldn't take it personally Y/N," Cillian assured, his gaze locked with yours. "It's got nothing to do with you," he began, searching for the right words to explain, but you simply interrupted him. "It's because of me, I think," he then added but you shook your head. 

"It's got everything to do with me. She doesn't want me to be around her and her family as, apparently, I am a bad influence for Sadie," you replied, anger seeping into your voice, though you managed to hold back the tears.

"I am sorry Y/N," Cillian murmured sympathetically, unsure what else to say, but before he could even attempt to speak another sentence, you carried on. 

You sighed deeply, shaking your head in frustration. "Do you know why I am here, Cillian?" you asked, curiosity piqued in your voice.

Cillian sighed again, running a hand through his hair before looking at you. "Because  your mother was worried about you, I suppose," he answered, his voice heavy.

"No, I am here because, if I had gone into custody instead, this would have given her a bad reputation, even though I didn't know about the goddamn drugs in my bag! I don't take fucking drugs and I don't sell them either but, of course, she wouldn't believe that,"  you explained, anger and frustration bubbling in your voice.

"Well, for what it's worth, I do believe you," Cillian said, clearly meaning it. 

"That's something I suppose," you chuckled slightly, though you weren't entirely convinced that your mother would ever see things from your perspective.

A silence unfolded between the two of you, as Cillian tried to find the right words to say. Finally, he spoke, "You know, Y/N, you and your mother are very different people. You are creative and you clearly think in different ways to her which is something she might feel threatened by sometimes."

You looked at Cillian, surprised at this new perspective. "I never thought of it like that," you admitted, your voice quieter now. "But it's more than just her being threatened by my choices - she doesn't support me either which, as my mother, she should," you told him before letting out a deep, exasperated sigh.

Cillian nodded, understanding your point of view. "I think that's fair," he agreed. "But, you know, sometimes people struggle to understand or accept what they don't know or can't relate to. It's not ideal, and it certainly isn't an excuse, but it does happen, even in families."

You nodded, taking in his words. "Yeah, maybe you're right," you conceded. "And I appreciate your perspective on this, so thank you."

Cillian smiled warmly. "You're welcome. And I appreciate your offer earlier too. It means a lot," he said, his voice warm and genuine. 

"You are welcome too," you winked, trying to lighten the mood.

He chuckled slightly at your gesture, and it was then that he realised that, in the coming days, with everyone else gone, it would be much harder for  him to maintain his distance from you despite his decision to do so.

As such, on the day of your mother's and sisters' departure, you found yourself roaming around the house, finding yourself staring at Cillian from across the room, engrossed in a book or with his nose buried deep in his scripts.

You noticed how his eyes darted towards you occasionally, as if he could not tear himself away, but then he'd turn away, as if to shut out the thoughts that plagued his mind.

You watched as he continued to wrestle with his inner demons, and you couldn't help but wonder if he was trying to suppress the same feelings that you were trying to ignore for the past two weeks. 

Unlike Cillian though, you eventually decided to take an initiative and bring this strange awkwardness to an end now that your mother and siblings had gone. 

"You know, if you wanted me to, I could cook something nice, and we could watch a movie again? Maybe this time, without interruptions," you suggested, hoping to ease the tension and reach out to him, breaking down that wall he had erected around himself in these last few days, for whatever reason unknown to you. 

You saw the surprised look on his face, and you wondered if you had crossed some line by proposing this. A few moments of silence passed before he finally spoke up, "Yeah, I would like that," he replied, the edges of his lips curling upwards slightly.

You couldn't help but feel a small sense of triumph at having breached that wall between you two.

"Great," you said, your voice light and cheerful. "I'll start cooking then. Do you have any preferences?"

Cillian thought for a moment before shaking his head. "No, anything you make will be great," he assured, his voice steady and confident.

You smiled at him, feeling a warmth spread through your chest.

"Alright, then, I'll surprise you," you replied as you turned on your heel and headed towards the kitchen.

"Do you want help?"  Cillian called out from the living room, but you shook your head.

"No, I've got this. You just relax," you replied, grateful for his offer but determined to make this meal a surprise for him.

As you moved around the kitchen, chopping vegetables and stirring sauces, you felt a sense of happiness that you hadn't experienced in a while. It had been so long since you had cooked a meal for someone else, and the thought of having dinner just with Cillian made you smile but, just as you turned on the stove, the power went out.

"Shit," you cursed as you stood there in the dark just before Cillian came walking in with his phone, using it as a light source.

"Are you alright?" he asked as he approached you, having heard you curse. 

"Power's out," you replied as you looked at him, struggling to hold back your smile.

He chuckled slightly. "I can see that," he said before asking whether you had hurt yourself. 

You shook your head. "No, it's just... I got startled and now the stove went out before I could cook dinner," you explained, your eyes darting towards the stove in disappointment before looking back at Cillian.

"It's fine. I am not hungry yet and I doubt that the power will be out for long . I'll light some candles and we can wait it out," Cillian said, as he moved around the kitchen to gather some candles and a lighter before you both returned to the living room for now.

Within a few minutes, the living room was filled with a warm, soft light, creating an intimate atmosphere between the two of you. You both sat down on the couch, slightly closer than usual as Cillian spoke up.

"Uhm, we could play a game to pass the time, if you want?" he suggested, with a hint of nervousness in his voice.

You smiled at him, appreciative of his effort to make the situation less awkward.

"Sure, that sounds fun," you replied. "What kind of games do you have?" you asked him, raising your eyebrows curiously.

"I have a few board games and card games," Cillian replied, pointing to the cabinet where he kept them. "You can take a look and choose one that you like."

You nodded and got up from the couch, making your way towards the cabinet. You scanned the games, trying to decide which one to play. Suddenly, you felt Cillian's presence behind you, and you could feel the warmth radiating from his body. You turned around and looked up at him, and your gaze locked for a brief moment.

There was a rush of anticipation and maybe even a hint of longing in your eyes, and Cillian felt a rush of emotion that he wasn't sure he should be feeling.

"Some of them are incomplete, I think. Sadie keeps pulling out the pieces," Cillian said with a sheepish grin before adding, "but this one should still work."

He handed you a game of monopoly and you immediately shook your head.

"I hate monopoly . It takes ages," you pouted, playfully, causing Cillian to chuckle, still kneeling right behind you.

His breath tickled your ear, and you felt a shiver run down your spine before you pulled away quickly, trying to ignore the flutter in your chest.

"How about this one?" you then asked as, from the back of the cabinet, you pulled out a game that you and your twin sister used to play together when you were young teens.

"Truth or dare? Really?"  Cillian asked, looking at the game in amusement. "I haven't played that since I was a kid."

"It's a fun game," you replied, grinning mischievously. "And the best thing about it is that you don't need to think of any questions or challenges. Plus, you get to score points, depending on what you choose," you explained. 

Cillian raised his eyebrows, intrigued. "Alright, let's do it," he said, holding up the box.

You both sat on the couch once again, the soft glow of the candles casting a warm light upon your faces. You picked up the deck of questions and challenges, shuffling the cards and laying them out evenly on the table between you.

"Let's begin," you said, flipping over the first card. "Truth for five points or dare for seven points?" you asked Cillian , a grin playing on your lips as you eyed him expectantly. He looked at you with half-lidded eyes, a similar grin on his face.

"Truth," he said, playing it safe, a twinkle in his eye that made your heart race. You had chosen cards randomly, so you had no idea what dares were on the other side of the deck, but the thrill of the unknown was part of the fun.

"Alright. I will read it out to you," you then said, flipping over the card that read; "What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever done in front of someone?" 

You looked at Cillian, raising an eyebrow teasingly.

Cillian laughed lightly, rubbing the back of his neck, "I can't believe I am about to tell you this," he said, looking into your eyes. " But, when I first started acting  andI had just finished filming a movie, I was invited to an after-party. I was still new to the whole scene and was feeling nervous, so I had a little too much to drink and I may have hit on the director's wife pretty badly without knowing it. Needless to say, we never worked together again after that," he told you, causing you to chuckle.

"Ouch , that must have been terrible for you," you said, still chuckling.

"Yeah, just a little," he replied with a smile. "Now it's your turn. Dare for five points or truth for three?" he asked, turning the tables on you, his eyes gleaming with anticipation.

"Uh, dare," you said without hesitation, eager to see what kind of challenges this game would present you.

"Alright then, here's your dare." Cillian smirked as he slid the card over to you.  "Go outside and sign the national anthem on the top of your lungs,"  he challenged, gauging your reaction.

You quivered at the sight of the card, wrinkling your face and letting out an embarrassed laugh. "No...no, no way," you pleaded, kicking your feet under the table.

Cillian pushed the card towards you again. "Come on, it'll be fun. Besides, you wanted to play this game, not me," he cajoled, watching you warily.

"Fine," you giggled, before motioning for him to come with you so he could watch.  At least that way, there would be a witness to corroborate you hadn't actually lost your mind. Cillian smirked playfully at your response, shaking his head slightly as he followed you to the back door.

You stepped outside into the cool night air before taking a deep breath in a nervous attempt to steady yourself. You glanced around, checking to ensure that none of your neighbors were able to hear or see you before belting out the national anthem in a loud voice filled with forced confidence.

You sang as loudly as you could without completely losing all dignity, feeling slightly awkward and self-conscious as you did so.

Cillian stayed with you the whole time, barely managing to control his laughter and, once you'd finished, he clapped loudly, teasing laughter spilling from his lips. "Well done," he quipped, bowing slightly. "I am sure you are already regretting to have chosen this game," he  playfully teased, watching you as you somehow managed to compose yourself again. You somehow found the energy to slap him on the arm playfully before marching back into the house, closing the door behind you.

"Alright, you're up," you taunted, sliding him another card. "Dare for ten or truth for eight?" you asked, trading the dares for higher stakes this time.

"Hmm… dare," Cillian hesitated, looking thoughtful before he finally agreed.

"Alright, dare it is," you confirmed before reading out the card. "Have a deep and serious conversation with an item or furniture," you  said, reading out the dare with equal parts excitement and challenge.

Cillian looked at you for a moment, then back at the card in his hands, before giving a resigned sigh. "Alright, let me see..." He stood up, walked over to the large floor lamp in the corner of the room, and looked up at it as if it were a person. "Greetings, dear lamp," he said in a serious tone, making you burst out laughing.

"Oh my god, you're ridiculous," you said, wiping tears from your eyes.

Cillian chuckled, not taking his eyes off the lamp. "Yes, I know," he said, still serious before talking to it, not flinching once. He was in the zone in an instant, just as one could expect from a professional actor . "Tell me, lamp, how has your day been?" he asked, causing even more laughter to spill from you, but he carried on, having a talk with the lamp for almost two minutes, giving you an Oscar worthy performance, full of passion and commitment.

Once his dare was complete, you both sat back down on the couch, grinning at each other. "I can't believe I just watched you talk to a lamp," you said to him, shaking your head in amazement, still amused by it all.

"You asked for it," Cillian replied, smiling.  "Now, I think it's your turn again," he told you and you looked at the cards, eager to outdo Cillian's performance. 

You chose dare again and your dare was to allow Cillian to blind fold you and feed you something weird from the fridge. 

Although slightly creeped out by the idea of being blindfolded, you didn't want to back down now, not when you were having so much fun. You agreed and Cillian quickly found a scarf in the living room drawer, tied it around your eyes and rummaged through the fridge for the strangest thing he could find.

There wasn't really much there and he decided to make it easy for you, choosing an olive, after having watched you pick them off a slice of pizza before.  "Okay, open your mouth," Cillian instructed, placing the olive delicately on your tongue and there was something quite erotic about this.

You closed your eyes behind the blindfold, focusing on the sensations; the taste, the texture and the slight pressure in your mouth as you closed your lips, with Cillian's fingers  just barely brushing them as he let go of the olive.

"Well?" Cillian's voice broke through the silence, his voice shaking a little.

You giggled behind the blindfold. "It's good!" You lied, your words muffled by the olive, hating the taste but enjoying this new, odd experience.

You then pulled down the blindfold and smiled at Cillian who still marveled at the feeling of your lips against his fingers.  "A lie, you didn't like it at all, did you?" he asked, smirking.

You shook your head. "Nope, olives are terrible. But I liked you feeding me," you almost blurted out

before catching yourself. You considered how the momentary contact between your lips and the tip of Cillian's fingers sent a wave of heat straight to your core. You looked down, your cheeks slightly flushed. Cillian wore a sly smile, his eyes shining in the dim candlelight.

"It's my turn now I think," Cillian then simply said, clearing his throat nervously and you nodded before asking him 'truth or dare'.

Cillian chose truth and you read the question to him. "What is something you would do if you knew there were no consequences?" you asked, feeling the electricity in the air between you two as you shared a moment of silence while he contemplated the question.

"I would probably do something really stupid, like acting upon some feelings that I shouldn't have for, uhm, someone...I suppose," he stammered  , staring down at his hands and avoiding your gaze. "I mean, feelings can be complicated, right? And sometimes it's better to hold back instead of causing unnecessary drama."

You nodded in agreement, trying to keep your voice neutral. "I know that feeling," you said, clearing your throat as well as you both sat in silence for a moment, knowing that there was a bigger elephant in the room, but neither of you were sure how to address it. It was Cillian who broke the silence. "I would probably kiss someone I shouldn't be kissing," you muttered, staring intently at him. A fire ignited in Cillian's eyes as he looked at you, and you could feel the tension building between you two.

After mere seconds then, Cillian leaned in closer, brushing a stray hair from your face. Your heart raced but you maintained your composure as that familiar encroaching fire took over you once more.

He leant in close, his breath hot against your skin as, almost suddenly, the lights turned back on.  The room flickered to life, casting a harsh glow upon the two of you, causing you both to pull away from each other.  Cillian cleared his throat, looking away as he muttered something under his breath. "Uh, maybe we should call it a night," he suggested, standing up from the couch, leaving the truth or dare game behind.

You nodded in agreement, still feeling a little flustered from the near-kiss. Your heart beat like a wild drum in your chest as you tried to steady yourself. You couldn't believe what had almost happened between you and Cillian. It was wrong, wasn't it? You couldn't help but think otherwise though.

Tags:

@sunbeamseas @saint-ackerman @oatmealisweird @naxxsstuff @amanda08319 @r-m-cidnah @elysiannook @cillshot @infireddabdab @tastycakee @harrysbestiee @lilybabe22 @adalynlowell @henrywintersdearestgirl @ietss @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @ryiamarie @axionn

@nela-cutie @futurecorps3 @delishen @nosebleeds-247 @thirteenis-myluckynumber @gills-lounge @hjmalmed @lost-fantasy @tiredkitten @sidechrisporn @smallsoulunknown @charqing-qing @hopefulinlove @aporiasposts @shycrybaby @me-and-your-husband @hjmalmed @lacontroller1991 @galxydefender @aporiasposts

@galxydefender @hunnibearrr @saint-ackerman @lunyyx @gentlemonsterjennie1 @ihavealotoffandomssorry @nadloves @lost-fantasy @nolucesn@mcavoy-girl @hjmalmed @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @blushykiss @tatumrileyslover @teawithsatanx @orijanko @rhaenyra4ever @xcinnamonmalfoyx @budugu @nadloves @kmc1989 @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @forgottenpeakywriter @smailaway @sophiaaguirred @blondie-22

[niko-sasaki-dbd]

Queue Interview with the Dead Boy Detectives Cast 👻🔎

This is going to be a long post! (These are my favourite parts from the interview!)

George Rexstrew as Edwin Payne

Acting Inspiration

Oh, gosh. Well there are so many. Meryl Streep, obviously. Viola Davis, obviously. More recently, I was blown away by Enzo Vogrincic in Society of the Snow. And Eden Dambrine in Close.

Cast Camaraderie

I loved working with all my co-stars. I’m practically related to Jayden [Revri] and Kassius [Nelson] at this point. Yuyu [Kitamura] is a dream. Jenn [Lyon] is mother hen. Bri[ana Cuoco] is the cool older sister. Josh[ua Colley] is the cheeky cousin. Ruth [Connell] is the godmother who gives you a card and £20 for your birthday. It really is one big happy dysfunctional family. I’m grateful for all of them, on and off camera.

Jayden Revri as Charles Rowland

Dressing The Part

These heads of departments, and Monique and Kelli, [they’re] unbelievable. They were so collaborative. We went through different hairstyles and different things we could do with the makeup. We added a bit of eyeliner for [Charles] just to make it feel more 80s. And then Kelli, I mean, it was like she did her research on me. She added badges to the jacket which kind of represented me as Jayden, before I even got there. It wasn’t until I got the haircut, put the makeup on, put the costume on, and I was like, Okay, this is Charles.

Cast Camaraderie.

The vibe was just incredible. Me and George, we really wanted to set the tone for the series and make sure that everyone’s having fun and it’s an environment where we could all talk about how we’re feeling. We were just such a big support blanket for each other. If there was ever a time that somebody needed space, or they wanted to prep themselves for a certain scene they were going to film, we all respected that and we were each other’s cheerleaders the whole entire time. And it’s still the same to this day now. I think it really shows when you watch the series that we all knew what we were making and we wanted to make something that we would want to watch, which we’ve all done. I cannot shout out my castmates enough. Forever grateful.

Kassius Nelson as Crystal Palace

Acting Inspiration

I watched a lot of animation. I used to watch the Addams Family, the black-and-white one, because I didn’t have Disney Channel or anything. Monk, Murder She Wrote, I was watching those things, so maybe I was actually destined to play a detective, now that I’m thinking about it. I watched a lot of cartoons and animations. I just liked the idea that I could be engrossed in another world. And I always wanted to know what happened next, or when the film finished, I would be like, “Okay, but then what? What happens after that?” And now I get to be part of that question or that answer (...).

Dressing the Part

We have a fantastic costume designer, Kelli Dunsmore. I always say that she literally wove the story into the fabric of the clothes, because there are things that she foreshadowed in the clothing that happened episodes later. Or, if characters start to get in some sort of relationship with each other, that will be reflected in the clothes that they wear or the colors that they have. Or, if they’re feeling any type of emotion, (...)l. Crystal wears these massive platform boots that must be about four or five inches. They’re huge, very heavy, but it’s funny because they change the way that you walk. (...) She’s not very light, which makes sense with the things that she’s going through and the experiences that she’s having. Practically, it helped, because Jayden and George are like six-foot-something. So, if I film a scene and I’m at the bottom of the lens and they’re up there, that helped. I’ve got a good couple inches on my feet.

Yuyu Kitamura as Niko Sasaki

Acting Inspiration

Sandra Oh is a woman that I will forever be indebted to because who she was on Grey’s Anatomy was so formative for me. The most interesting thing about her character was not that she was Asian, but that she was such a fully fleshed person with flaws and amazing qualities. And her work ever since I think has been iconic, so she’s a woman that I deeply look up to.

Landing the role in Dead Boy Detectives

I auditioned from Hong Kong and my dad was my reader because all of my acting friends were in New York. My dad was able to carve out time and be an amazing reader. And in that audition side, it’s the scene where Niko gets to see the “Dead Boys” for the first time, and there’s a line in there that was something along the lines of me talking to Edwin and asking, “Do you two make out with each other?” And my dad stopped the tape and he was like, “What are you reading for?” And I was like, “Don’t give me notes, it’s fine!” And so that was the audition process! I think within a month I found out I got the part and it’s been an absolute dream ever since.

Dressing the Part

(...) I think on paper Niko can seem like a certain type of character, but even in the choice of every costume we did, every color that she wears, every meticulous little piece about everything from her nails to her room, it’s so well curated and thought out. Through her journey, we also find that she’s a woman that wears what she feels. On the surface, she might seem like the most joyful, young, optimistic girl, but it’s the inner confidence and bravery where we find that she’s layered, and she is very much a young woman coming of age.

SOURCE: MEET THE REAL DEAD BOY DETECTIVES (AND FRIENDS)

[the-guilty-writer]

Pick Your Poison

Request: from @doctorsteeb OH YOU SAY YOU NEED MORE ROSSI!DAUGHTER REQUEST?? I AM HERE I HAVE ARRIVED

Rossi!daughter being a barista and unknowingly serving BAU their coffee all the time? Then eventually learning she’s rossi’s daughter?

(Tell me if this is Too Specific I can be more vague)

David Rossi x daughter!reader, Criminal minds x platonic!reader

Summary: You've been serving coffee to the BAU team for months... imagine their shock when they learn that you're David Rossi's daughter.

A/N: Thank you so much for this request! I love writing rossi daughter. The sass, the italian nicknames, the banter- it's so much fun! I hope you enjoy this! (this does include the request of reader having studied abroad but I'm doing a seprate fic for that one as well)

CW: an absurd amount of talk about types of coffee, if you look up the meaning of rossi's nickname for reader you might cry

---

It was 4:00 AM when your shift at the coffee shop began. It didn’t open until 5:00, but you were in charge of opening the place yourself. You didn’t mind, though; it gave you time to think about how you might mess with your dad’s co-workers that day.

Rossi went back to work at the BAU just before you entered high school. With his busy work schedule, you both agreed that a boarding school close to home would be best. When it came time for college, you applied to a few schools in the States, but you had an itch to see the world. It was an incredible, well-earned surprise when you were accepted into the University of Bologna in Italy. Your dad had been incredibly supportive, and even though your extended family was dysfunctional at best, he was happy you’d be going somewhere there were relatives nearby.

You loved Italy, but after graduation you had wanted to move home and take a gap year. A friend from high school had opened a coffee shop not far from the Quantico office, and having been a barista at a local shop through college to help pay for your student costs (not that you needed it when your dad could easily afford your tuition) it was the perfect situation.

The fact that your dad’s co-workers were your most frequent customers didn’t hurt either. Not that they knew you were David Rossi’s daughter - your tag only displayed your given name - but it was interesting to have such casual interactions with the people your father spent most of his time with. And having been raised by a profiler, you had a little too much fun knowing something that the best minds in the nation didn’t.

---

It was 4:56 AM when Aaron Hotchner pushed open the door to the shop. Had it been any other customer, you would have told them that it didn’t actually open for another four minutes, but the man was there frequently enough that you really didn’t care. Plus, his order was about as simple as possible to make: a robusta medium roast from Columbia with a single shot of espresso. After only a few weeks, you noticed that he ordered an extra shot in his morning coffee about three days after a case, when the paperwork was the most heavy. This happened to be one of those days.

“Good morning, Mr. Hotchner,” you greeted him. “I’m already working on your usual this morning, unless of course you would like to try something new.” You knew he wouldn’t.

“Thank you,” he said, looking down at his watch. “Could I get an extra shot of espresso?”

You put a lid on the cup and handed it to him, moving to the register to ring him up. “Already done,” you told him.

He chuckled a bit- the smallest smile escaping his lips. “Do I really look that bad?” He handed you cash as he always did so he could leave the change in the tip jar. This morning he was either so tired he hadn’t thought about the bill he pulled out of his wallet, or he was feeling generous. By what you had heard about him from your dad, it was probably the latter.

“Not at all,” you handed him his change. “We all need the extra boost some days.”

“Thank you,” he said, putting all his change in the jar before leaving the shop.

He hurried out so quickly he didn’t even notice that you had written out his order on the board of specials for the day, calling it “The Unit Chief”.

---

As always, Spencer Reid was the first customer you served once the shop had officially opened. The doctor, unlike his boss, enjoyed exploring the different brews - always asking what region the beans had come from and giving you facts or statistics about his drink choice for that day. You listened to him ramble as you prepared him an arabica light roast grown in Asia; a bean the shop had just received.

“About a third of the world's coffee comes from Asia, but when asked the average American usually assumes that their coffee has been grown in Latin America or Africa,” he explained. “It’s also widely agreed upon by coffee enthusiasts that Asia produces the sweetest coffee.”

“Well then you won’t be needing as much sweetener as normal, Doctor,” you said as you handed him his order. “But I refilled the jar of sugar just for you.”

“Oh, thanks,” he said, grabbing three packs of sugar- two less than normal- and stuffing them into his jacket pocket. “Have a nice day!” He smiled awkwardly before turning and leaving out the door.

As soon as he left you wrote down his order on the specials board, deeming it “The Genius”. He wouldn’t notice you wrote the same words on his cup until he sat down at Quantico.

---

You weren’t quite sure who would be in to get their coffee next, but you smiled when it was Agent Jerau. There was something about the petite blonde and how easily she made conversation that brought a sense of serenity to your day. The rest of the team were very distinct- the kind of people you could look at and simply believe that they worked for the BAU- but other than being absurdly pretty, Jennifer was normal.

Even her arabica “bean of the day” cappuccino was the most common order out of all of them, with the exception that she always bought a single iced cookie to go with it.

“In all the time I’ve worked here I haven’t actually tried these cookies,” you told her as you pulled one out of the pastry display and put it in a bag.

“Neither have I,” she said. “But my son loves them.”

You thought of the little blonde boy that sometimes accompanied her and her fiance to the shop on the weekends. He always got a cup of steamed milk to look like his parents, but he always ended up dunking his cookie in it when they sat down at a table.

“I’ll have to try one then.”

The agent left before she could notice the board, which had her order paired with an iced cookie named “The Mother” written among the rest.

---

Per usual, Derek Morgan and Penelope Garcia came into the shop together. You knew their flirtatious behavior was actually a demonstration of a platonic friendship, but that was only because Rossi had told you so.

“Baby Girl,” Morgan said to Garcia as you handed him his normal robusta medium roast red eye with just enough hazelnut creamer that the coffee wasn’t ridiculously bitter, “I’ve got the payment for today.”

“Derek, you know very well that I can and will hack into the system and change the credit card number to mine,” she told him, quickly glancing at you to say. “I promise I’m not stealing money from the shop. I love local businesses. If anything I would give you more money so this place stays open.”

You smiled, preparing her extremely complex order that changed slightly from day-to-day but always stayed as sweet as possible. Today it was an arabica medium roast from Ethiopia with all the fixings to complete the order into a chocolate caramel mocha.

“I’m sure my boss would appreciate that,” you told her. The idea of your father having to deal with a woman as sweet and eccentric as Penelope never failed to make you laugh.

She dug a handful of coins out of her purse to put in the tip jar before her and Morgan bid you a good day and left to go to work. You adjusted the order labeled “The Techie” to fit her drink for that day, but left Derek’s alone - “The Door Destroyer.”

---

Emily Prentiss was the last of the team to grab her coffee that morning. You were aware that she was the most observant in everyday situations, but that morning she was behind schedule by around ten minutes. Her boots clicked against the floor of the shop - lower pitched than the sound of heels but higher than those of men’s shoes. She moved fast towards the counter.

“I have your order ready,” you told her. “Robusta african dark roast latte with a double shot of espresso.”

“Thank you so much.” She paid quickly, leaving a handsome tip.

In all her rush her observation skills had faltered. Not only had she missed that she had a milk mustache, but she also didn’t see that her order on the board was labeled “The Modern Femme Fatale”.

---

“So,” Rossi said casually. “The best coffee near Quantico?”

With all the extra paperwork, the team had decided they needed extra caffeine, a short break, and some fresh air. Even Hotch thought it was a good idea, which is how David Rossi ended up walking towards the Pick Your Poison coffee shop with the rest of the BAU.

“It’s great,” Reid started. “They let you pick everything from the location, the bean type, the roast. There was this one time they got in a robusta from Brazil that-”

“Or you can just pick from their menu,” JJ told Rossi, interrupting Reid before he could go on any further. “It doesn’t have to be complicated.”

“If you say so,” Rossi replied nonchalantly.

The team filed into the cafe and he saw you working behind the counter, your hair pulled away from your face as you checked the machinery. You looked up at them as they entered, all still oblivious to the small daily specials board that had their orders on it.

They greeted you and ordered one at a time, the same thing each of them had gotten that morning, leaving Rossi for last. He smiled when he stepped up to the counter and pulled you into a hug. “Mio passerotta.”

You returned his hug, a wide smile spreading across your face. “Ciao, Papa.”

“Wait-” Emily, being the only other person in the room who spoke Italian, picked up on it first. “You’re Rossi’s daughter?”

You laughed. “Have been all my life.”

The team looked around at one another, all slightly confused.

“How did you not know that we work with your dad?” JJ asked.

You shook your head. “Oh, no. I knew. I just wanted to see how long it would take you all to figure it out.”

Morgan looked stunned, Garcia’s jaw couldn’t drop any further, and Reid was tilting his head, probably trying to pick out the similarities between you and your dad.

Hotch turned to Rossi. “Dave, care to explain?”

“It was her idea, not mine.” He held up his hands defensively.

"You've been working here for five months, three weeks, and six days," Reid said.

"That is an excellent observation, doctor," you replied. "In my dad's defense, he said I had to confess before the six month mark."

"I'm suprised it took a confession in the first place," Rossi, then turned to you. “Now, I’ll speak in English so the nerds can understand. What specials do you have today?”

“Well,” You glanced at the special’s board, “If you’re going for the most caffeine I would choose “The Unit Chief” or “The Modern Femme Fatale”. “The Door Destroyer” has the strongest flavor on the bitter side and both “The Genius” and “The Techie” lean towards sweet. I’d recommend “The Mother”, but it’s past 11 AM and we all know how la mia bisnonna feels about cappuccinos past the morning.”

The team looked around at one another in complete shock over the specials order board you had put together. A smirk crossed your face as they gawked at you ever so slightly.

Your dad chuckled. “I’ll just go with a good old fashioned un caffe, then.”

“Presto in arrivo,” you said, and got to work on everyone’s order’s, but not before adding a single shot of espresso to the board called “Mia Papa.”

[toribookworm22]

Final Thoughts On 2023

I know I have a very dysfunctional sense of time, but this year seems extra short and long to me. But such is the way it goes. Vague recap time!

Shut Down published! I went to my first therapy session. I toured apartments with my roommate. I traveled for the first time with just a friend. I got to meet the voice actors for The Animaniacs Pinky and The Brain. I celebrated my first Aro week. I wrote my first pilot episode. I got on TikTok for class and ended up not hating it. I volunteered to help at an student Oscar event and for student plays. I lost my best friend. I finally joined my school's writing club. My parents accidentally read my poetry collection and loved it. I moved into my very own apartment. I went on a family vacation to New York and got to see my almost little sister for the first time in 4 years. I hosted my very first book signing! I published Reprogrammed. I learned how to live by myself. I took a pottery class. I started a movie script. I let go of my best friend for good. I became the secretary for the writing club. I found a little bit more of myself in my fashion sense. I hosted a Halloween party. I met the producer of Me Before You. I made more friends and learned how best to love some of my others.

And in what has been one of the greatest decisions I've ever made, I stayed incredibly active on this lovely site and I got to meet, know, and love all of you. You guys are my diary and my joke book and a safe place for everything I am and love. I can be 100% myself on here without a single worry and you guys will never understand what that means to me.

My love list will just have to continue to grow, but that's okay. I love each and every one of you and I cannot wait to spend another year alongside you. Happy New Year! 🥂

All my love,

~ toribookworm ♥️

Love List pt. I

@angryaromantics @minutiaewriter @pluromantic @christiew @candlelightkissess @lady-of-himring @asteroidtroglodyte @panic-in-the-attic @elizaellwrites @writing-and-trying @eli-writes-sometimes @thatndginger @hyuccubus @chargeaznable @master-of-the-pigeon-religion @lividdreamz @ashen-crest @saphoblin @akiwitch @wearfinethingsalltoowell @daisywords @the-orangeauthor @arigalefantasynovels @brianamorganbooks @bluejay-in-write @elijahrichardwrites @alittlewarlord @apocalypsewriters @bookmarks-reviews @pure-solomon @xtakeitisisx @alnaperera @all-my-dreams-and-ambitions @porchswingstories @jlilycorbie @rsdan @midnight-and-his-melodiverse @litbylightning @lyssentome @theunboundwriter @writingforevren @regalserpent @axl-ul @likegemstone

[shiningshenanigans]

If I had a nickle…

For every time I shipped a guy and a girl…

Where the guy comes from a semi-privileged background and stable home life (albeit with a very dysfunctional family who is kinda mean to him)…

and the girl is a scavenger who has been fighting to survive her whole life because of a totalitarian regime…

and they’re forced into a situation where they have to work together and kinda start getting attached to each other…

and the guy is HOPELESSLY head-over-heals besotted and in love with the girl and, like, doesn’t even try to hide it… 

and the girl… kinda likes him back? But like it’s hard to tell? Because like I said, Girl has been fighting to survive her whole life, and is still very much in survival mode, and her fight-or-flight response is so through the roof right now it’s hard for her to feel that way about anyone at the moment…

also there’s kind of a rebellion/revolution going on against the totalitarian regime I mentioned earlier, and Girl is very focused on killing The Leader of said totalitarian regime, so romance is kinda the last thing on her mind…

but also their love is like this weird powerful force that’s fueling said rebellion, so she can’t really get away from it?

And she acts super cold and indifferent toward him but the second he’s in any kind of danger she immediately throws herself under the bus to save him…

(by the way they balance each other out really well, because Guy is not really much of a fighter, but he’s super charming and good at negotiating with people so he helps Girl grow in that area, cause she’s really bad at it)…

and they’re being mentored by a slightly cynical middle-aged man who “loves a good drink”…

(who totally has a crush on his cute-but-brainwashed-by-the-badguys female superior)…

oh yeah and remember The Leader of the totalitarian regime I mentioned earlier? He’s, like, weirdly invested in their love story and has been watching it unfold this whole time…

(and we don’t really know why he’s so obsessed with them, other then that they remind him of a situationship he was in ages ago, which ended really badly because he was paranoid, so now he’s living vicariously through them while at the same time scrambling to maintain the fragile power of his regime or something like that)…

and he keeps using his power to make them play weird games where he constantly tries to pit them against each other and get one of them to kill the other… 

(he actually does almost brainwash the guy into killing the girl at some point, but Guy wakes up and is like “Naw man, I’m in love with her, I will endure endless psychological torture before I do that.”)

and don’t forget, “This series is actually incredibly profound and thought-provoking and has some really deep things to say about freedom and government control and the value of human life, but for some reason nobody wants to talk about those things because all they care about is shipping drama (even though shipping should be a non-issue because the narrative makes it 100% clear who the cannon romance is)…”

…I’d have two nickels.

Say it with me kids…

[narwhalandchill]

spicy take incoming but i kinda wish ppl werent so desperately attached to and protective of this moniker of Great Big Brother 100% Perfect So True And Real when it comes to childe bc honestly. he really isnt (perfect or even that good at times) and to me acknowledging the ways both he and his family (for enabling him) are in some ways kinda just. doing teucer incredibly dirty in the long term but only with the best of intentions in the short term is so much more interesting than just pretending hes a flawless brother?? like it only adds to the drama and irony of it all man like theyre rly so dysfunctional as a family unit its great. even if hoyos likely never exploring that shit in its true depth it still lives rent free in my head for sure lol

like. you rly dont have to turn ajax into some sort of unfeeling uncaring monster of a shit brother to acknowledge that he does, in fact, repeatedly make incredibly reckless and selfish choices during his SQ with teucer and in general by choosing to obstruct the truth of who he is from lil bro so completely?

like this stuff can be nuanced and coexist with his absolutely 100% genuine commitment to protecting teucers bubble of a worldview (and w the theme of childlike dreams and wishes being so prevalent in general who knows what could be cooking w that one in particular) and his loyalty and love for his family without just having to whitewash the dumb shit he does lmao

like just bc hes capable of and willing to face the potentially grave repercussions of absolute bangers (🙄🙄) like teaching an actual fucking child to consider ruin machines fun besties and 100% insta ready to fuck himself up by protecting teucer at the cost of aggravating his still-unhealed injuries from the liyue AQ when dottores abandoned lab turns out to be more lively than expected doesnt. make that choice not a very irresponsible one yall im begging 💀

like. hes the adult here . the entire situation unfolding as dangerously as it does in the factory is Absolutely all on HIM for not being able and/or willing to disappoint teucer by just . Doing the mature thing and sending him away to safety because HES gotten too attached to this idea of being his lil siblings' loyal knight and perfect brother that Always finds a way to surpass the expectations no matter the cost its a role HE wants to keep playing despite the risk

like its So obviously a pride thing for him too and thats so fucking interesting because Of how flawed and questionable the logic is!! like yes he truly cares about teucer and ensuring he has a great unforgettable time during this impromptu escapade in liyue like thats not up to debate but the point im trying to make is that the choices he makes are Still very much intertwined with his ego and overconfidence and not really based all that much on Whats Actually The Best Approach Here. he improvises a way to give teucer the best mr cyclops outing he has ever seen bc HE wants to be the one offering him that experience and ends up biting off a bit more than he can chew and he can only blame himself for that one and This Isnt Fucking Sustainable

like i dont think that makes him evil but i do think it showcases his arrogance and flaws in a very concrete way and is a part of why calling him a perfect brother or at least one without an asterix just. rubs me off wrong lmao

like idk feel free to keep calling him that if its important to u and all if u want idc (and i do to some extent get why this defensive narrative of insisting hes great no issues at all emerged bc i remember 1.1 some ppl acting like hes childcare satan for how he treats teucer lol) but. at least like . Be willing to chip in to fund the therapy teucers going to need for those lifelong trust issues in the future man 💀

Bc Thats The Other Thing. now tonia and anthon i dont consider a part of this bc at least they Know hes in the fatui and hiding the gory details of ur harbinger job from ur baby sibs is like. fair enough and reasonable. but. crafting an Entire different AU version of yourself and feeding it to your baby brother as what constitutes actual reality surely is a choice of all times like ajax ily but genuinely . What the fuck if you were real id throttle you

AND HIS FAMILY ENABLING IT THE ENTIRE TIME ITS CRAZY LIKE. As a person with multiple siblings both older n younger with some similar age gap cohorts involved. God id snitch so fucking fast i dont think ppl rly stop and think much abt how objectively horrifying this shit is from teucers long term pov 😭 in the best way obviously given its fiction like its so scrumptiously awful and dysfunctional .

(& just in general man im just so obsessed with the way ajax 14 basically broke the eggshell of his past life and emerged to rise towards his destiny drowned in the guts and gore of the place and people and community he once called home unconditionally. Bro he fucked that town UP and now his family relations will never ever be the same its so fucking Delicious. those 3 days missing and what followed are just Actually a literal fucking horror movie when you stop blindly stanning our ginger menace, forget ajax' side and take the pov of his family and morepesok in general Why Are People Not Talking About This)

like. its not that i dont understand Why this is sth childe ended up doing as i said Thats The Point. its human. teucer is the only one in the family who wasnt there during that fateful 3 days/months . Like yea anthon and tonia were prolly sheltered from most of the carnage back then too but they still Know where he was sent when he became literally uncontrollable and almost killed the neighbors (everybody & their mom loves demonizing his parents as if his demon spawn ass left them a fucking choice JFEJSJSJSKDKS) . like its at least Known.

but then theres teucer.

And like. teucers the Only one with whom ajax can even pretend to have that delusion (ha) of normalcy and a family that hasnt seen him gaze into the abyss and stare back bloodied and grinning ear to ear . like. hes the only shot childe can have at even playacting some crude imitation of normalcy before Everything and even That comes with an expiration date hes fully aware of. so theres just lies after lies after lies and the fact that even his family just. if not actively partaking in the charade then at least silently allows the entirety of it to happen to teucer whos the Only fucking one out of the loop is just..... dude its not fair on him At All

Misleading teucer THIS much is just. its fucking horrible man but i GET it. thats why its so delicious man i GET it but god its just . imagine being teucer in this situation.... thats his entire fucking World shattered once the truth comes out. Everyone close to him has been lying to him his entire time. They all knew and they let him be misled. Like sure he might be happier Now with ajax dutifully protecting that childhood dream of his but after that. Just. sit on this for a bit. after everything do we Really think teucers just going to understand why it came to be and see it as worth it???? Will he really????

yet at the same time as awfully cruel it all is its just So human!!!!! Its so human of both ajax and his family to use the innocence of the only child that was spared the aftermath of worlds best/worst 3 month abyss training camp to indulge in this flawed false reality where their third son didnt walk into the void and come back hungry for More until only the fatui could take him and even then it only spurred him on further on that path. Like its all an act and a lie and its just. Not fucking fair on teucer but hes still doing it and theyre letting him even tho they Know it wont last theyre all looking teucer in the eye every day and letting him believe like man....

like in both the entire ruin factory sequence And in general hiding the truth from teucer as extensively as childe does hes being incredibly selfish but at the same time its selfishness only rly in the way all people are when it comes to Wanting to be seen a certain way by the ones they love and care about. and thats what makes it so interesting. bc as much as the choices he makes are dubious (or like. this decision makes sense to him. a morally bisexual total omnivore ethics-wise narwhalpilled since 14 who sees exclusively in abyss shrimp colors and acts accordingly) both they and the motivations behind them are also just. So very human ones . as terrible as the implications and eventual inevitable downfall of those choices can (will) be.

like. is it not that much more fascinating to consider all the ways that childe is neither a particularly exemplary nor an egregiously bad brother just one that. Happens to be wired weird in the head and proud and flawed and with a track record of heavily suspect decision-making but that also very much genuinely loves his family man. Like i can love that about him without dismissing the fact that theres parts to how hes treating teucer that 100% can and imo rly should backfire horrifically bc. It really just is that fucked up

hes not a good brother hes Worse AMD better than that and also not alone in this like. his family is an active fucking part of this . But like still . Is he trying his best with his abyss shrimp colored vision ? Yes. Is his love genuine? Absolutely. What are the marks? 3/10 meet me in the office after class mister youre just actually horrible (affectionate) 😭

A perfect brother? Not My Ajax man 🗣🗣 and like theres SO MUCH to explore in that it makes me so sad you just. Never see any of it p much in fanworks bc we all just call him best bro and whatever and thats that like its so sad. this family is terrible horrible awful and no good and they deserve it but also didnt deserve it it was misfortune it was fate it was inevitable . justice for teucer man i need to get him in therapy asap

[numptypylon]

“Rayla is… not my lovebug.”

“Oh ho, now?" Nyx leaned obnoxiously close, her eyebrows raising. "Have you told her that?”

“She told me," Callum said, angry all over again suddenly that... she actually hadn't told him that and yet they weren't- "So I’m tentatively assuming that she knows.”

“Oh ho? So she broke up with you and yet you’re still adventuring together, risking your lives for each other, making love eyes at each other at every opportunity… ah, to be young and in love and a garbage fire of collective awkwardness of such radiance as to light up the heavens-”

“Yeah!” Ezran agreed, walking up to them. Oh no. Hopefully Nyx would tone down the… everything… around an 11-year-old, but… considering he had been 14 himself when he’d first encountered Nyx, he didn’t have high hopes. “It’s gross and they’re so dumb, and here I am, a doomed onlooker!"

“You got the family braincell, I see,” Nyx said, winking at Ezran.

Ezran nodded sagely. “My blessing and my curse, ‘tis true.”

Really?! Did Ez really have to form an alliance with every new person they met to tag-team roast him?!

Nyx turned away from Ezran, her unwanted attention firmly back on him now. “I still need the full status update on my favorite dysfunctional lovebugs!” Nyx would keep prodding, and Callum didn’t want her to prod Rayla- “You know there’s another ex-lovebug who could tell me-“ Did he just curse that idea into Nyx’s head?! “But you’re currently the less puke-smelling option, so…"

Nyx really didn't subscribe to the idea of sensitive subjects you should keep your trap shut about.

“We… broke up. Like you said.” One way to say it. But he wasn’t giving Nyx any ammunition to use against Rayla. “Then made up. Kind of. We’re friends, just not… lovebugs.”

“Friends with benefits?”

“What friends do you have?” Ezran asked, all wide-eyed, vicious innocence. “Do you not consider friendship a benefit?”

“Hey!” Nyx looked insulted. “I thought we were allies against yon magus of maladroit you tragically must call brother?”

“My allegiances are many and inscrutable!” Ez stuck his tongue out at Nyx.

“’Allegiances’? ’Inscrutable’? Sheesh, kid, how old are you? And what awful, terrible company do you keep?!”

“11. And… politicians.”

“Oh no, you’re serious?! Oh kid, the depths of my condolences is one of them yawning chasms of endless screaming-“

“Oi?!” Villads yelled. “Matey? Riggin’ snagged!”

“I don’t hold court with betrayers, anyway,” Nyx said, incredibly hypocritically for someone who’d stranded them in a desert, and she pushed off the deck and was airborne, heading off towards the center mast.

“What is the benefit of being ‘friends with benefits’?” Ezran asked, looking around to Callum and then Soren, who had just arrived with Hat perched on his head. “The friendship is pretty obviously a benefit of being friends without having to say it, so I know it isn’t that, I just said that because Nyx was being mean.”

“Oh, I know!” Soren said, eagerly. “It’s s-“

“Sandwiches!” Callum cut him off. “Sandwiches, Soren! Remember?”

“Riiiiight!” Soren winked, exaggeratedly. “Sandwiches. Got it. Corvus makes the best bread sandwich, extra mayonnaise-“

“Please, Soren,” Callum choked. “Please, let’s… talk about something else. Anything else. Please.”

———

Excerpt from an upcoming chapter of my S4-6 between-canon-episodes fic, Downtime’s Up (successor to my S1-3 between-canon-scenes fics Downtime in Wartime and Upside Downtime)

It’s wednesday and I have many wips I want to work on and no time, but I DO also have a lot of stuff written and not posted, so… hope you enjoyed some overgrown pigeon time and depraved sandwich innuendos. Once I get past the next 4 chapters of Downtime’s Up, I have most of the rest of the story written, just… it’s been rough going to write anything lately

[hollow-prior]

3 Criminally Underrated Musicals (And why you should listen to them)

1) The Mad Ones

[Image Description: Kerrigan and Lowdermilk's The Mad Ones. It shows an empty road disappearing into the distance under a starry sky. Full ID in alt text. End ID.]

You know that feeling of driving fast down an empty road with the windows down, the wind whipping through your hair? You know that feeling of being able to do anything you want, like the world is right at your fingertips, just waiting for you? You know that feeling of sitting in the middle of the woods with a good friend and thinking about how incredible it is that you live on the same planet at the same time?

Well, this is that feeling.

The Mad Ones is about Sam, who just graduated high school, and her friend Kelly, who died in a car accident before she could graduate. It's about Sam's journey in remembering Kelly and learning to live in the moment without her. It's also about freedom, and expectations, and living life to its fullest.

Also it has the phrase "kidnapped by aliens with enormous genitalia". What's not to love?

Seriously, this is one of my all time favourites and it has a very special place in my heart. I love to listen to it on those rare days when everything seems to be falling into place and it feels like life is actually going somewhere.

From a writing perspective, this is just an incredible masterpiece. The lyrics just stir something in my soul and the friendship between Kelly and Sam is just <33333 (Heart). It deserves so much more love than it gets.

2) The Lightning Thief

[Image Description: The cover of The Lightning Thief: The Percy Jackson Musical. It shows a blue brick wall with a yellow glowing lightning bolt symbol against it. Full ID in alt text. End ID.]

Okay, so the books are iconic and the movies sucked and the TV show is looking good but everyone's been sleeping on the musical for far too long. I had my doubts at the beginning too, I'll admit it, but honestly this slaps.

Although it isn't an exact one-to-one with the books, the vibes are spot on which is the most important thing anyways.

Percy is a sarcastic little shit, Annabeth is a total smartass, and Grover is... well, the impossible-to-explain awesomeness that is Grover Underwood. As funny as it is, though, there are some moments that just hit you right in the feels. The Tree on the Hill, anyone? My Grand Plan?

Also the Luke reveal gives me literal chills every time. It's so SO well done, much better than any other depiction in my humble opinion.

The whole thing is just an excellent balance of feels and humour and has some truly iconic lines. Case in point:

Percy: "Grover, you're a good friend." Grover: "Awwww. Dude, I'm your only friend."

Mr. D: "Oh, you're alive. I suppose that's good news for you but it means a lot more paperwork for me, so don't expect me to be happy to see you. Of course, being alive is temporary..."

Luke: "The Hermes cabin takes anyone who hasn't been claimed. You know what that means... we're literally the reject cabin. Welcome to the dysfunctional family!"

[Literally just the entirety of Luke's part in Their Sign]

Grover: "You hurt his feelings. Tell the squirrel you're sorry." Percy: "I am not saying sorry to a squirrel." Annabeth: "He's very sorry. Tell the squirrel you're sorry, Percy."

Alright, anyways! This is the Percy Jackson website, right? It's great, just listen to it.

Moving on!

3) 35MM: A Musical Exhibition

[Image Description: The cover of 35MM: A Musical Exhibition. It's a red background with a black, ink-like camera design from above. Full ID in alt text. End ID.]

God, how do I even begin to explain 35MM?

There's so much going on here in the best way possible. It's not a traditional musical, at least not in the way people immediately think of musicals.

The idea behind 35MM is that there's multiple separate songs, each based on a photograph. That said, there are some theories about the level of connection between the songs and if they're even connected at all. Either way, it's absolutely incredible.

The songs all have different themes including babysitting a murder doll, a homicidal prom queen, a vampire love story, the young love car crash tragedy that lives in my heart forever, and many more! If you're a fan of the strange, unusual, and vaguely unsettling, this is the musical for you.

Although the fandom is small, it's incredibly dedicated and there are some truly wonderful animatics on YouTube to check out as well as some theory threads on Tumblr, Reddit, and basically anywhere else if you look hard enough.

I made the mistake of accidentally introducing my English professor to this musical so now you all can be introduced too!

And now some honourable mentions:

Islander

Islander is an acapella musical done entirely by two women. It tells the story of an island nation that was split in half long ago, with two girls (Each from one of the halves) meeting for the first time. It has a super cool Scottish folk song-style of music to it and just an incredible plot.

Jekyll & Hyde

Jekyll & Hyde is the musical adaptation of the famous gothic story. It's intense and dramatic in all the best ways and I Need to Know always sends shivers through me. The voices are incredible and it's just AHHH!! Wonderful! Also Confrontation is a work of art and nobody can tell me otherwise.

36 Questions

36 Questions is kind of unique in that it's a podcast musical, meaning that there's no stage performance. In the most basic terms, it's about two people trying to fix their marriage with the whole '36 questions to help strangers fall in love' type thing. Part of one of the songs, For the Record, was a popular song on TikTok a few years back so it may be somewhat familiar to folks. Either way, worth a listen!

[luvwich]

✒️ writer interview tag

tagged by @dustdeepsea — tysm, this was great fun! read their answers here and mine, if you like, beneath the cut ✨

When did you start writing?

early 2023 was my first foray into writing actual fiction. prior to that i'd done an embarrassing amount of roleplaying many years ago, which i shall speak on no further, but it did form the basis for a lot of my writing now!

once upon a time, i seriously entertained the idea of an MFA in screenwriting, but went on to pursue something even stupider for grad school 👍

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

honestly everything i enjoy reading gets smuggled into my writing in some form or another!

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

there are like 26 different writers where i wish to take bits and pieces of their style, send it all into a meat grinder, and press the gunk into sausage casings to be dipped in batter and deep fried. ideally i want my writing to hit like wagyu beef that's been corrupted into a county fair corn dog. but no i'm not sure i've ever been compared to another writer! that would fuck my shit up truly (in a good way)

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

typically curled up on my couch, because the ergonomic status of my home office setup is terrible — potentially lethal. sometimes i stay late at my not-home office, hidden away in a dark conference room, but that's usually only if i'm on a self-imposed deadline (i.e. i've started posting a WIP)

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

the spark that gets me to write is usually some kind of Dynamic that i want to explore so i do a lot of noodling upon situations and then figuring out how to get there. and by situations i mean smut

also, writing bits of dialogue, even if i don't know the context yet. it gets a character's voice and mannerisms in my head, and gives me a little grain to start building on

sadly, going on a hike and/or reading a really good book are both very effective and by far the most time consuming

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

longing, isolation, identity, the difference between the person you'd like to be and the person you are, strained/dysfunctional family relationships, wrong person right time, hope, blowjobs, self-deception, california, fucking your way through it, guilt, social class, mommy issues, mono no aware, oral fingering, etc; they don't surprise me anymore but the first time i finished a long fic and took a step back i was like "ohh haha Damn"

What is your reason for writing?

i am horny, sad n silly

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

all forms of feedback are so touching! i think much of what i write is pretty niche, so simply knowing someone has read my stuff gets me pumped. a big essay of a comment is like receiving a love letter, and comments that are just an emoji are like someone's tucked a little note in my lunchbox, and both are incredibly nourishing to me. as far as motivation, though, anything that implies someone is looking forward to reading more is the surest way to light a fire under my people-pleasing ass

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

affable wretch, trickster, wine aunt

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

i'm not sure any one thing stands out: i believe i'm pretty good in a few areas (dialogue, sensory detail, characterization) and notably lacking in others (action, "plot," pacing, not getting high on my own supply)… okay i'll stop being an asshole though and say my strength is in "delivering on a mood," if that is a thing

How do you feel about your own writing?

generally good. for one, i'm proud of myself for ever finishing and posting anything, because following through on shit isn't something i'm renown for. i tend to hate everything i write after i've gotten some distance from it, but i think that's normal? right? i'm new at it and it's all for fun so i try to be gracious with myself, with mixed success, because beneath my goofy exterior i do take everything too seriously

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

mostly for myself; i do abstractly ask "would someone who isn't me enjoy this?" and never quite know the answer. like most humans i crave external validation and connection, but like a cactus i can survive on just a lil rainfall 🌵

tagging w/no pressure (but with my best barbara walters impression) @corpocyborg @ghostoffuturespast @merge-conflict @streetkid-named-desire @writing-for-soup