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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 5 months ago

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Intro post! + links to everything :)

Hi, I'm DK and this blog is mostly full of me talking about the Six of Crows and the rest of the Grishaverse! (and I'm also on AO3 as she_posts_nerdy_stuff)

It's occurred to me recently that I never did an intro post and also I'm just generally feeling that things over here are super disorganised so I've gone through all of my posts since 2022 (this was not a quick task you guys omg) and done my best to organise everything into tags so that you can access them all from here! All the links to the tags, or sometimes individual posts, are below the cut, and the categories are AO3, Grishaverse analysis, Grishaverse edits, Grishasverse knitting projects, and Grishaverse incorrect quotes.

Please note: this is a lot of stuff to wade through and I am sure to have missed the odd thing, but hopefully this is pretty mch everything! If you're looking for something that I've said should be here and can't find it, let me know and I'll do my best to track it down :)

Thank you all so much, love to you all <3

AO3 LINKS (I'm starting with the easier links, I don't have to make tags for these ones)

Original works

As I'm writing this I have four fics up on AO3, two of which are works in progress, and I'll update this post whenever that changes (ie when I finish them or when I start a new one)

UPDATE: Five fics now! Links are below <3

Daughter of the Rain and Snow

225k words, 146 chapters, Kanej focused with Wesper featured and Helnik kinda mentioned, post-canon, no archive warnings, completed

Summary:

Around ten years after the events of Crooked Kingdom, 25-year-old Captain Inej Ghafa frees Maya Olsen from a pleasure house in Ketterdam. Maya is looking for revenge against the man who put her in her position, a man who she knows nothing about except his name: Kaz Brekker.

Don't Go Blindly Into The Dark

100k + words, 60+ chapters, Wesper focused with Kanej featured and Helnik mentioned, pre-canon, canon divergence, no archive warnings, work in progress

Summary:

To hide that he can't read, Jan Van Eck has been forcing his son to pretend he's blind since he was eight years old. Wylan is now attending Ketterdam University, and meeting Jesper Fahey may very well be about to change his life. But is he safe to tell Jesper the truth? And what will Jesper say if he does?

Jesper is struggling to weigh up his life in the Barrel and his life at the University of Ketterdam, and there's a good chance that his growing debt is about to make the decision for him. He hasn't attended class consecutively for months, but maybe that will change when his newest project includes partnering up with Wylan Van Eck. But can he really leave the Barrel behind him? And how long can he keep up the pretence of who he thinks Wylan wants him to be?

Meanwhile there is a darkness growing in Ketterdam, and it seems a killer may be stalking the streets of West Stave. An unknown evil is closing its jaws over the city, and it’s starting to feel like nowhere is safe.

Our Gods Have Abandoned Us

19k + words, 11 chapters, Helnik and Kanej with Wesper kinda featured, so much angst, post-canon, canon-divergence (Van Eck wins AU), major character death, work in progress

This one properly started with this post

Summary:

"Of course they do, Jes," Kaz flexed his fingers in his gloves, "That's what losing a war means. And when that war comes, Kerch can't afford for Shu Han to win it. They'll back Fjerda against Ravka now so that when Shu Han turn against them Fjerda will back them in return. Ravka's navy will fall to Kerch's, most of Ravka's territory will go to Fjerda and if it has any money left then I expect plenty of it will be given to Kerch as part of the deal. The Shu will move against Fjerda to take back the territories they were trying to win from Ravka, and Fjerda will pay them little mind until they declare war on Kerch. Novyi Zem will back Shu Han, because they still think their trade ambassador was killed by the Kerch in what was actually Shu Han's last attempt to start a war over here, Fjerda will back Kerch, refugees will flee to the Wandering Isle and their economy won't be able to withstand it, and meanwhile I will remain exactly where I am and get drunk toasting to the end of the world. You're all welcome to join me,"

OR -

A Van Eck wins AU, mostly exploring how the Crows would respond to the situation but I have some semblance of a larger plot forming I just need to piece it together

If I'm Good Will You Come Back?

2k words, 1 chapter, sad and angst, gen but Helnik mentioned, canon compliant, major character death, completed

Summary:

Five times Matthias Helvar spoke to his baby sister through Djel, and one time that she answered

I’ve put major character death as a tag but it’s nothing beyond canon, it’s just depicted in this fic from a slightly different perspective 👍

Portrait of a Dead Girl

7 chapters so far, gen but also F/M, Alina and the Darkling are in a relationship in this but it isn't shipping them and the Darkling is the villain, canon divergence, alternate universe, rape/non-con, underage, major character death, work in progress

Summary:

Alina Starkov was given to Duke Aleksander Morozova of Os Alta in marriage when she was fifteen years old. Within a year, she was dead. The official cause of Alina's death was marked as putrid fever, but many at the time believed, and many in the future will go on to believe, that she was poisoned by her husband.

This fic is completely inspired by The Marriage Portrait by Maggie O'Farrel, which is a work of historical fiction based on the real lives of Duchess Lucrezia d'Este (née de' Medici) and Duke Alfonso ii d'Este of Ferrara. You don't need any prior knowledge of The Marriage Portrait or history to read and enjoy this fic, but know that my writing is very much going to mimic that of O'Farrel in format and although I'm hoping to write the story in my personal usual writing style I will definitely be borrowing a lot of my descriptors, symbols, and so on and so forth from O'Farrel - there will be some of mine too though :)

Somehow, Through The Storm

11 chapters so far but ongoing, kanej-centric with wesper and helnik featured, angst like you wouldn't believe, but also some happier times (ish), alternate universe, major character death, rape/non-con, work in progress

Summary:

In the slums of the Warehouse District, Kaz and Inej are struggling their way through a seemingly unending winter. Wrapped up in a stranger's overcomplicated marriage contract that he is convinced is key to solving the merciless weather, Kaz remains busy and distracted for days on end, putting everything else at risk. So when a storm ravages the city and sweeps Inej into danger, the offer of safety, food, and a place to stay is an overwhelming one - no matter the cost. Terrified of mounting threats, Inej signs a contract - not knowing she would land herself trapped at the Menagerie. Kaz signs a contract that states if he can walk all the way through the city and back to the Warehouse District with Inej behind him, never looking back at her, they will both go free. But this is the Barrel, the darkest part of the city where the rules of physics can change with the stroke of a pen; the journey back will not be the same as journey there… * This is a Hadestown-inspired reimagining of the tale of Orpheus and Eurydice, casting Kaz and Inej as our main characters and heavily featuring our beloved Crows, set in an alternate version of the Grishaverse with a different magic system based entirely on contracts.

Recommendations

Posts where I'm recommending fics can be found here

GRISHAVERSE ANALYSIS LINKS

Okay this is gonna be where this starts getting complicated to organise but here we go, and hopefully now that I have this as a place to keep it organised I'll be able to routinely come back here and update it so we can keep it all together :)

Assorted analysis - Grishaverse

Grishaverse asks

-> subcategory of asks: 'DK finally gets it together and answers her asks because it's about damn time (working title)'

Chapter-by-chapter SOC analysis

(NOTE: I've really been meaning to bring this series back I just haven't had time, are people still interested??)

Specific posts (I've put these ones here because they're generally the ones people ask to be tagged in or that I reference in other posts)

Kanej bathroom scene analysis

Kaz and Wylan's potential to become each other

Rare Spices Billboard

Inej vs the Wraith

Kaz's views on hierarchy

Religion in the Grishaverse (this one is mostly Djel and a little bit of the Saints; I did also write a lot in a reblog of a really good post on Ghezenism by @skepticalcatfrog as well so if you're interested in either part of that you can find it here, I would highly recommend reading their post it's really interesting)

Shadow and Bone TV show analysis

GRISHAVERSE EDIT LINKS

I'm not really sure how to organise this one but all of them are tagged here

If people would like me to I could come back and try to arrange them by character or ship or something?

GRISHAVERSE KNITTING LINKS

Most of the time when I post about this stuff I give updates on all of them, but if you happen to want to filter them (or if I need to come back looking for something specific) then here are the projects:

Kefta cardigan

Six of Crows blanket

Toy crows of the Crows

GRISHAVERSE INCORRECT QUOTES

I organised these by their sources because there were too many for me to choose another way to sort them tbh

Text posts I made based on things my friends and I have actually said. In real life. - the series

Source: friends

Source: the completely made up adventures of Dick Turpin

Source: community

Source: Parks and Rec

Source: the good place

Source: modern family

Source: our flag means death

Source: ghostbusters

Source: renegade nell

Source: the office

Source: young sheldon

Source: the cornetto trilogy

Source: big bang theory

Source: what we do in the shadows

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boykombat · 1 year ago

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Bi-Han, "Me, and Me Alone."

Description: Being the Grandmaster meant that Bi-Han got what he always wanted. He enjoyed this power. So when that was threatened by one of your friends from Earthrealm, he has to put you in your place. Just to make sure you really know who you belong to.

Tags: creampies, jealousy, possessive nature, corruption, hair pulling, biting, light blood play, incorrect use of cryomancey.

words: 2.2k

other things: needy, jealous bi-han... I'm evil.

bi-han make up your mind and stop being a weiner challenge

❄️ Enjoy! ❄️

It was hard for Bi-Han to say he hated you when you looked so perfect shaking under him.

He didn't hate you, but he didn't love you either. You had some sort of a subordinate-master relationship with him. Despite that confusing fact, you were his, everyone in the Lin Kuei knew it without it being said.

Maybe the muffled, echoey cries of his name from his chambers gave them the idea. Who knows?

Bi-Han just hates the fact that he's never had any one like you before. How you so easily fold under his harsh control, how soft and sweet your moans are as he delivers cruel punishment with an iron fist.

He relishes in how sweet you are. Bi-Han can't help but be addicted at the feeling of corrupting you, one day at a time. Yet, corruption wasn't what it was all about, of course. It intrigued him how you took to his punishments without a second thought.

That fact meant that you were on his mind a lot, at the most inconvenient times. Flashes of you choking on his cock while he fucked your throat would stress him out throughout the day, and it made him very very hard to be around (literally). So, no wonder he lost his temper around. He'd get snappier at others, even at you sometimes.

Despite his cool, stern exterior.. seeing you genuinely get upset if he snapped at you made him upset. Bi-Han genuinely wanted to take the time to be responsible and explain his faults.

But he also just wanted to cup your pretty face in his palm, while he relentlessly thrusted into your pussy without a second thought any time you pouted at him.

Not that he'd ever tell you that, though.

Bi-Han would never admit to anyone that has as horny as he actually is. Maybe he considers a weakness. But know that when he has you at any chance, he wants you right then and there.

If you were sparring with him and you mess a move up? Bi-Han is fucking you into the mat until you can't even say his name any longer.

But what gets him the most is when people flirt with you. Even though Bi-Han has never put a label on what you both have going, he considers you his by proxy considering how many times he's stuffed his cock inside of you.

And he absolutely hates sharing his favorite toy.

People being more.. friendly towards you makes his blood freeze. Nearly literally sometimes. Bi-Han almost feels like either freezing the offender to death in an instant, or taking you to his quarters and filling you up until you can't walk.

He's the Grandmaster of the Lin Kuei, are you really gonna refuse him?

You'd recently had to befriend a group of Earthrealmers to help with some great deal in "saving the realms". Bi-Han could care less about their cause.

But when one of them draped his arms around your shoulders, and whispered sweet nothings into your ear.. The cryomancer nearly lost his shit. Bi-Han's face immediately hardened, and he grabbed your shoulder.

Bi-Han pressed you to his chest, sending a low growl to the Earthrealmer. He put on his angriest face, an icy expression as his eyes bore into the other mans.

You're oblivious to the flirtation from your new earthrealmer friend. You're also confused at Bi-Han's overprotective attitude. Bi-Han hates that man who dared to even look at you, and he wants you more than anything.

And he always gets what he wants.

That's how you got into your current situation.

Bi-Han slides his icy fingers down your spine, his cock buried to the hilt in your slick sex. He keeps you on your stomach, not even hands and knees. A hand is clutching your hip, keeping you flush against his hips.

He loves how greedy you are, how you take him so well. Being a cryomancer means he's so cold all the time. But your warm, wet pussy is all he wants at the end of the day. How you drip just from one round makes him go feral.

Your fingers clutch at the mattress, lips pulled open as you moan so sweetly for him. His name being coaxed from your lips with every push of his cock inside of you.

Bi-Han leans down, his chest pressing against your back. His hands find the space just above your shoulders, and the cryomancer pins you against the mattress. His silk sheets bring a softness to the scenario you find yourself in.

"Who do you belong to?" He barks in your ear, his tone rough and angry.

You can't respond, but you both know the answer. Bi-Han, and Bi-Han alone. He knows that you know by how you try to say his name, only to be interrupted by him hitting your spot by snapping his hips forward again.

"Repeat that?" The Grandmaster taunts with a sadistic smile.

His grip moves to your hair, roughly tugging on the strands to lift your face from the mattress. His lips curl in satisfaction at the drool running down your chin from him fucking you so good. There's even a drool spot on the sheets, how adorable.

The cryomancer pushes your shoulders down, his fingernails starting to dig back into your soft skin. The loud sound of wet skin against wet skin starts to fill the space again as he drills his thick cock into you without a second thought.

Your face pushes against the mattress due to him pushing your head down as he works his hips forwards and backwards. The hand in your hair squeezes the strange, your hair curled around his digits.

Bi-han's cum is already spilling from you. Hes finished twice, you haven't got to finish once. You're literally dripping down onto the silk sheets below, arousal fluid racing down your thighs.

He really won't let you cum unless he's in a really good mood. A tool for his pleasure at the end of the day.

Not that you minded, of course. Out of everyone in the Lin Kuei, he came to you to let out his sexual frustration. It was an honor, in a weird way.

As if by magic, your voice became the way Bi-Han loved hearing it. So soft and so vulnerable.

Bi-Han looked down at you, but he didn't let you go from his grip just yet. The anger still on his face as he fucked you relentlessly.

You cry his name out, your voice shaking with pure pleasure. It's a sound that brings him joy. There's a soft, pink blush dusting across his cheeks. A lazy, sadistic grin stretched onto his face as his head tilts back.

Bi-Han keeps you on his stomach so you can't see that face on him though.

"No one is allowed to even have a hint of closeness to you, you are mine." He growls into the open air, his thrusts picking up.

Needy whines draw from your mouth, and you can feel yourself getting closer to your breaking point. After trying to hold back, you no longer can.

That pressure in your stomach builds until you end up finishing, liquids sliding across your skin and onto the mattress.

Bi-Han knew you were gonna finish, does that mean he stops fucking you? Of course not. His cock continues to pound against your spot over and over without mercy.

A groan leaves his throat, and he tugs your head up from the mattress. Your hair in his tight grip, causing your neck to crane. He lifts your eyes just enough so you can see yourself in the mirror.

"Look closely. Look at how pathetic you are. Desperate for my cock, aren't you?" He growls, his icy tone faultering as another groan escapes him.

And your eyes do meet the reflection. He's behind you, a cold sweat rolling down his skin. His hair is tied back, strands falling out as he ruins you completely. Bi-Han's frame is so much larger than yours.

Rougher, and rougher. Harder, faster. He unleashes his pent up rage on his body by pushing you further. He doesn't care that you're overstimulated, you both love the electric feeling.

You're so wet and warm, it's making him act more out of control than usual. Bi-Han can feel your pussy already leaking with his seed from the multiple orgasms under his belt with just the session.

But the sensation of fucking you senselessly as the sound of his cum lubricating your cunt for him is making him needy. And Bi-Han is never needy.

It's the jealousy making him feel this way. More.. primal. There's a deep urge in his very being that he needs everyone to see that you belong to him.

Bi-Han swiftly flips you on his back, and you can see his face much better. He's panting, and you can see that your wetness has him in pure ectasy compared to his usual cruel demeanor.

His hands find your thighs, the cold tips of his fingers making goosebumps run though your body. Bi-Han leans down, burying his face in the crook of your neck. He takes an inhale, a groan leaving his mouth upon smelling the scent of your perfume.

It doesn't take him long to part your thighs and get back into it. Bi-Han's hands pin your thighs to the mattress, his half-lidded eyes watching as he pushes his cock into your needy cunt.

He watches as over and over, he pounds into you. It's a rush watching his cock disappear in and out of you. With every thrust, comes an uneven breath from his lips.

Bi-Hans lips attach to your neck. He suckles at your skin to start. Lips making a seal against your supple skin, slowly bruising it. His teeth press against your skin, a cold bite to them.

After a quick 5 second debate with himself, the cryomancer uses more force with his jaw in this one specific spot.

There's a sharp pain in your neck, but it's such a good feeling. A stinging sensation. The tingles from it go straight down to your clit, making it throb harder. A masochist, he'd helped you discover that one.

His teeth dig at your neck, his K-9's breaking the skin. A groan leaves his mouth, muffled against you. Using a small amount of his cryomancey, he freezes just a bit of your blood under your skin. Just where he bit.

It causes a heavy stinging sensation to jump out from your neck, the suddenness making your back arch as a needy moan comes from your lips.

"Mine. You're gonna see these marks and they're going to know who owns you." He practically purrs into your neck, making those freezing bites all over.

He could do this for hours. And he does.

All of the feelings are too much. Him relentlessly fucking you, his bites against your neck, the tugging of your hair. It's enough to send you both over the edge.

"Fuck, just like that.." Bi-Han purred into your ear, his lips stained with your crimson blood. You do your best to inform the Grandmaster that you were due for an orgasm at any second, but your voice gives out.

Bi-Han can feel how wet you are as you squirt for the second time. He loves the feeling, knowing only he can make you feel this way. Your body shakes and trembles with pure pleasure, those pretty eyes of yours rolling into your skull. He lived to see how much of a desperate slut you could be for him.

It was too much for him to handle. His hips thrash wildly, his pace uneven. Bi-Han delivers a harsh tug to your hair as he cums inside of your pussy for the last time for the night. His head tilts back once more, an ectasy laced groan leaving his lips.

Cum is smeared all over the insides of your thighs and stomach. The sheets are definitely ruined, but nothing can match the raw passion he gave here.

As much as Bi-Han can pretend he doesn't like you, that he hates your guts, he truly loves being in them. He can't bring himself to truly believe that he hates you.

Your body is twitching under him again, a sight he could never get tired of. The Grandmaster pulls his cock out from your pussy, and he groans at the sight of his cum leaking out of you. He lets go of the grip on your hair, and he lays next to you.

He doesn't immediately walk away like usual. With a couple quick movements, he pulls your head to his chest.

"Just don't talk to your Earthrealmer acquaintance again." The cryomancer mutters.

You're still in a daze, but you nod your head yes slowly. A lazy chuckle falls from his lips, and he puts a hand in your hair. His fingers begin to gently massage your tender scalp.

"Mine." Bi-Han growls softly.

It brings a smile to your face. He shifts, burying his face into your neck. Cold breaths fan across your skin as he cozies up to your warm body. Bi-Han pulls you closer, secretly relishing in your body heat.

Bi-Han's lips kiss your tender bites, his lips rough against your softness. Just as he liked. Feeling your soft hands against his calloused skin just reminded him of how fragile you are compared to how he is. The Grandmaster loves having that power over you.

He could stay like this for hours.

Maybe one day he'll admit it, though it won't be today

#boykombat #bi han #bi han mortal kombat #sub zero #sub zero mk1 #mortal kombat #mortal kombat 1

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venturismcdonald · 1 year ago

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Derek Venturi is 1989 by Taylor Swift: a sleep deprived essay.

To start: Derek appears to be shallow, fun, kinda ditzy and most importantly, catty. We know Derek's a petty asshole, which is part of Taylor's image during 1989 era. He's also a playboy/cad/whatever word you'd like to use to describe him. Taylor's image at the time was as this serial dater who's obsessed with men. We all know that they both didn't have many serious relationships at this time (honestly, their dating amount wasn't even much more than normal) but they want them.

The 1989 album focuses very strongly on themes of passion and perception. The truth can be whatever you want it to be and it can be twisted to be whatever you want it to seem. That's a motto that, as "king" of SJST High, Derek can live by. He also likes to twist stories to fit his own view of what happened, regardless of the truth. Truth and perception all depends on who you are and what angle you're looking at it from. Passion can kill. Perception is keeping it so that the death is covered up.

One of the core components of Derek's character is that he's passionate. He doesn't think before he does things, he lives his life based solely on his passions, and most importantly, he thinks with his heart, not his mind. Whatever logic Derek possesses (because to say he has none would be incorrect) is hidden away because he doesn't want to be logical. He wants to be able to exist solely on vibes, not on emotions (which are GROSS) or the stupid rules people put on him.

Track One: Welcome To New York

"Like any true love, it drives you crazy."

We all know Casey's the one with the real connection to New York, but this is not a song specifically about New York City. It's about going to someplace where you feel safe, about a home that's loud and vibrant and loving. For Derek, that's the McTuri house. It's insane and everything he wants, really. There's never a boring moment with Derek around, but especially in that house. It's where he grew up, where the marks on the wall are with his height and the memory of Marti tackling him.

Track Two: Blank Space

"Cherry lips, crystal skies/I could show you incredible things/Stolen kisses, pretty lies."

Derek's perception within London is someone who's a serial dater. He doesn't take any of it seriously. The song was written to satirize that experience, to make it seem realer than it actually is. From what we see, all the man does is go on a few dates, get two serious girlfriends in the entire show. This is a man who knows what his own love life is, that it's going to be dramatic and heartbreaking but he genuinely loves and loves hard. He can't help being popular and beloved and the victim of rumors.

Track Three: Style

"Fade into view, oh/It's been a while since I have even heard from you."

This is exactly how Derek feels about Abby. I'm aware Style is about a romantic relationship, but the general theme of an on/off relationship works for his bond with Abby. She shows up sometimes, but she's with other people so often, prioritizing them, that he feels sort of forgotten until she comes into view.

Track Four: Out Of The Woods

"Two paper airplanes flying, flying."

The anxiety present in this track and how terrifying everything is works very well for Derek's fear of Casey. He doesn't fear her, of course (because she's lame and he's cool), but he fears the way that she can control him. Being out of the woods would be being free from Casey and her stupid hold on his stupid heart. Hence why he runs away to Paris.

Track Five: All You Had To Do Was Stay

"Why'd you have to go and lock me out when I let you in?"

Derek's completely aware of how all of this sucks, and the fact that he left, but he maintains that Casey left first. This is all her fucking fault, because she's the one that was in his fucking jersey, which made him run. She was going to lock him out, so it made sense to run first. He was protecting his stupid, foolish heart.

Track Six: Shake It Off

"Got nothin' in my brain/That's what people say."

Some people have the fucking audacity to accuse Derek of being a man whore. Which, yeah, it's kinda cool, but! Derek's not a whore, he dates a normal amount of girls, and it's no one's business! He's smart and has knowledge, even if no one sees it. He can't help that girls like him, so he just shakes off the criticisms from everyone, even George.

Track Seven: I Wish You Would

"You're thinkin' now that I hate you now 'cause you still don't know what I never said."

Why on earth did someone hate Derek enough to make him want Casey so much he's in physical pain over it? She's with Peter because she's a fucking coward and now he has to deal with it, because Derek didn't take his stupid shot and tell stupid Casey that he likes her stupid self.

Track Eight: Bad Blood

"Still got scars on my back from your knife."

Derek is aware that he sounds insane, but fucking hell, the fact that Sam likes Casey is the world's biggest betrayal. He can't believe this happened, because this is cruel. This is the worst thing to ever happen and it's totally not because he has some weird feelings crawling up in his throat and feeling like Sam is stealing his Casey.

Track Nine: Wildest Dreams

"Tangled up with you all night, burnin' it down."

So what if Casey has a new boyfriend? It doesn't matter. Even if the new boyfriend is Peter, Derek is going to ignore that because he's still haunted by that fucking kiss, and he's going to be haunted forever.

Track Ten: How You Get The Girl

"And that's how it works/That's how you get the girl."

There is no true way to say how absolutely absurd Derek thinks the fact that guys say it's hard to get a girl is. He thinks the entire thing is bullshit. And, look, it's not hard to make a woman swoon! It's time to teach a course. Not to Peter, but to the children, who need so much help getting dates.

Track Eleven: This Love

"These hands had to let it go free and/This love came back to me."

Everything is fucking tragic, because he lost touch with Casey for years, but now she's there. They're together, again, and everything might actually be okay.

Track Twelve: I Know Places

"Just grab my hand and don't ever drop it, my love."

Hiding is easy. There are so many corners and places where Derek can hide, places where Derek can just exist with Casey and her insane ass without anyone watching. Their life was always on view, everyone watching, but now everything can be on their terms.

Track Thirteen: Clean

"I screamed so loud, but no one heard a thing."

Casey's a fucking addiction, one Derek can't be clean from, but there's a fucking ocean keeping them apart. And her goddamn husband. Still, he fucking hates this. Everyone thinks that he's over her, but he's screaming in every fucking song that he's not.

Track Fourteen: Wonderland

"Life was never worse, but never better."

They were toxic in Queens. It was a weird flirtationship that was never going to be healthy when they were in that in between stage, so he left Wonderland. And fuck, being lost in it was glorious.

Track Fifteen: You Are In Love

"Time moved too fast, you play it back."

It's so stupid to feel so much for her after all these years, but Derek cannot escape Casey's hold on him. He's so stupidly in love with her, his best friend.

Track Sixteen: New Romantics

"The rumors are terrible and cruel, but most of them are true."

A little bit of a slut era for Derek in his early twenties is what he needs, to cope with Casey getting married. He hooks up randomly for a year, gets a girlfriend, she gets pregnant, and he's not a new romantic anymore, but he's building castles out of bricks.

Track Seventeen: "Slut!"

"Half awake, takin' your chances."

Everything makes sense when he's with Casey, even if he's called a slut. She's the one, goddammit, and Derek's okay with it. All he wants is her, so he'll take the shitty rumors and occasional subtweets from Peter.

Track Eighteen: Say Don't Go

"And I'm yours, but you're not mine."

Just because Derek left, that doesn't mean he's okay! He's mad, selfishly, in a self-destructive sense. If she had just called and asked Derek to stay, he would've flown back. But she didn't, because she doesn't love him, and he just has to accept that.

Track Nineteen: Now That We Don't Talk

"Truth is, I can't pretend it's/Platonic, it's just ended."

Things have changed, and even though they talk, it's different. Everything is different. Rumors are half of how he knows her now, from the kids and Simon likes to share his observations, but Derek's trying to understand how everything works in this relationship now. Nothing is sensical. What the fuck are they?!

Track Twenty: Suburban Legends

"You were so magnetic, it was almost obnoxious."

Peter is cheating, and he's doing it right in front of Derek, who wants to tell Casey, but he can't. He just can't do this when he doesn't have proof, it's just suspicions, but god, they'd be a legendary couple. Derek would never hurt her like this. They would be suburban legends.

Track Twenty One: Is It Over Now?

"At least I had the decency/To keep my nights out of sight."

It's been years, and Derek's living with Casey now, but things aren't over. He doesn't know if they'll ever be. Will they ever get over each other? Probably not. But Jesus, he wants to. Kind of. He also wants to shove her against a wall because the longing is giving him way too many soft thoughts. She's with Peter, allegedly in love, and this is cruel because he's forced to know that every time he sees her stupid ring.

#dasey #life with derek #ry rambles #derek venturi #it is 1989tv release day and i have three thoughts in my brain that are not dasey

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lakesbian · 1 year ago

Note

Do Brian & Aisha & Alec for the blorbo bingo obviously :p

alec:

almost everyone but me is wrong about him. gnawing on wildbow's leg like a rabid dog for dropping the ball in the gender and sexuality department. there has got to be SOME reason i like him so much but i have no idea what it is. did not expect to care about him even remotely but his death put him in my brain forever against my will. i can make him worse. and will hypothetically sometimes for fun. he is chilling on the couch in my mind palace in perpetuum. i want to take him out for ice cream as a special treat. the thing is that i Would say "alec did nothing wrong" as a somewhat facetious rebuttal of the fandom spaces that think he's an ontologically evil cunt for being sexually abused when he was 12 but the same people also genuinely believe he did nothing wrong in his interlude and subsequently i cannot say "alec did nothing wrong" without sounding exactly like said people. so i compromise with "alec did 2 things wrong and the things redditors think he did wrong are none of them," which technically isn't true either, but captures my intended sentiment close enough. i love him forever

aisha:

ilove her forever. she's done nothing wrong in her entire life, ever, at any point in time. i wish her existence was pleasant and easy. please stop putting her in situations. alec is my favorite in a "inexplicable bout of autism" way but aisha is my favorite worm character in a "favorite with all inexplicable bouts of autism aside" way. i wish ward was about aisha. fuck vicky i want an entire book about aisha. everythign ever should be about aisha. extremely underrated undersider. i wish i was autistic about aisha instead of alec so i could inspire an Aishaposting Renaissance on wormblr instead of just an alec one. we should set wildbow's car on fire once for every Wildbow Moment involved in the writing of aisha laborn. also i should clarify. most worm fandom takes about the undersiders are incorrect in general, so i'm defining "fandom" here as just wormblr and not the broader worm fandom--wormblr generally understands miss aisha laborn imo

brian:

every time i think too hard about the way wildbow fucks up writing brian i morph into a man literally too angry to die. there's soooo much interesting shit there and then he just fully forgets to make any of it relevant. Gnawing On His Leg Like A Rabid Dog. i Love brian he's one of the top characters ever. there's something about an exceedingly normal guy who isn't Actually normal but Thinks he is because everyone else is so much weirder than him that's so funny and endearing. i wish his life didn't suck so much but also i love watching how much it sucks. we should all post about him more. i intend to get a phd in brian laborn upon worm reread.

#ask #worm spoilers #scarf don't look #i forgot the lost potential square was there #imagine its checked for brian

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ariaachillesaphrodisia · 1 year ago

Text

Did Somebody Say Just Eat?

Character: Five Hargreeves

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy

Rating: Mature

Content Warnings: Food Issues, Food Trauma, Past Trauma, PTSD, Eating Disorder, Starvation, Eating Urine/Excrement, Discussion of Murder, Discussion of Corpses, Rotting Food, Bugs and Insects, Discussion of Death, and Loss of Loved Ones

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His breathing is unsteady. Heartbeat racing to match. His mouth is so dry that he doesn’t have any saliva to wash down the already-rising bile. He tries to hide his rage, but the shaking of his hands and burning anger within his eyes betray him. He curses his body for this. Curses himself for this. He asks himself how he got here. How he let himself get here.

But he knows exactly how he got here.

Given the nature of his job and of the place he worked, one would likely have assumed that Five’s life was filled with chaos and uncertainty. This would not be an unreasonable assumption by any means; however, it would be an incorrect one, nevertheless. Partly incorrect, at least. When Five had started at The Commission, things had indeed been rather hectic. He did not know where anything was; where the various departments were located; or how The Commission functioned. In truth, he did not know anything about this new place he found himself in and employed at. But the man had always been a quick study (after all, it was not as though Reginald would have accepted anything less) and so within a month of working there, he had already become one of the most effective “employees” at The Commission.

It perhaps should have been alarming to Five how quickly he mastered the “skills of the trade”. Things such as how to track someone, or how to kill someone and utilize his powers to do it. How to manipulate a target, or how to terrify them. Which weapons were best to use in which circumstances, depending on if you were hoping to end it quickly and without drawing attention to yourself, or whether the goal was to draw out the target’s suffering.

Death wasn’t something that was unknown to Five before his time at The Commission. Death was something he knew very well thanks to the apocalypse, but his relationship with it had begun before even that. During his time as part of the Umbrella Academy, there have been instances where missions would go south, or where the team would require some “extra force” AKA Ben’s powers. But those instances were the exception and not the norm. This was the rule set in place by Reginald, who surely understood that people were more likely to support a group of Batman-esque teenage vigilantes who occasionally had to get their hands dirty than a group of murderous teenage vigilantes whose missions always ended with some sort of bloodshed and death toll. So, Reginald’s general rule had been “no killing unless it was absolutely necessary… or would be accepted by the news outlets and the general public”.

Therefore, it was The Commission where Five was actually able to take full advantage not only of the lethal training that he and his siblings had received but also of the many ways his powers could be useful for his new line of work. And yes, sometimes Five did wonder whether he should be more concerned about the fact that he took to killing like a duck to water, but like he did with many things in his life, Five chose to archive this as something he would process at a later time. When things were less… well… something.

The important thing was that since Five did take to killing and to his new job terrifyingly well, it meant that he was very quickly able to adjust to his new life. He settled into his new routine and got used to the ins and outs of The Commission. His days were pretty much the same repetition of only a handful of activities: drink coffee; eat; do his job; drink coffee; read the case briefs for the new cases; drink coffee; complete his new “orders”; file reports; drink coffee; practice using his powers to try and get home; sleep (or try to); repeat. And while this might have caused some people to grow restless or agitated, or while some might hate the repetition and the seemingly endless nature of such a life, Five found it oddly comforting. It gave him a sense of control over things, and this was not at all unwelcomed for reasons that Five would (just like with his fast adjustment to becoming a professional assassin), certainly visit at a later date.

Yes, this sense of control was something that Five valued quite highly, and so too did he value and admire anything which added to it. And fittingly so, conversely did he dislike that which deviated from it. that which was outside of his predictable and malleable world. That which was out of his control… or worst of all… that which exerted control over him. Yes, he disliked the former very much, and frankly, he despised the latter.

Thus the reason (well, one of the many reasons, actually) The Handler was the bane of Five’s existence.

There were some days when Five thought he might actually hate The Handler more than he hated the apocalypse itself. At least with the apocalypse, you knew where you stood: either you were alive, or you weren’t. At least with the apocalypse, you didn’t have to deal with it veiling its dangers underneath smiles, false promises, and threats laced with sugar-sweet tones. At least the apocalypse didn’t drop in on you sporadically and expect you to drop everything you are doing and humor it with whatever new plan it had concocted for no other reason than being bored and getting a kick out of the torment of others. The apocalypse hit you suddenly and ended it all there and then, and if you did survive, then you had to deal with the end of the world. And that sucked. Five knew this all too well, but at least you go used to the dangers you were facing. With The Handler though, there was no such certainty. The only thing predictable about the dangers surrounding her was that they were most certainly there, that they were unpredictable in the way she would carry them out, and that she took unspeakable delight in the dread and terror she instilled in others.

Five wasn’t quite sure what exactly it had been that had sparked the power struggle between himself and The Handler. When she’d first approached him, he sensed none of that, although admittedly, his mind had been elsewhere, focused on assessing the new arrival’s threat level and then later, considering her offer. And for the first little while during his time at The Commission, this had remained the same. He had either not sensed it, or, he supposed, he’d been trying to learn the ropes. But after that point, when he began to get the hang of things… then it had begun. Had it been because she had felt threatened by him? Because he was excelling at his job? Had she feared that he would take her position? Was that it? Or perhaps it had been that she had simply enjoyed holding power over the new recruit, and then, when he was starting to learn to walk on his own two feet, she’d decided to take a new approach to holding her power over him – through subtle threats, isolation, and emotional manipulation. Either, Five thought, was possible. It was also possible that this was just something she did with everyone. That she just got a rise out of doing little things to show other people who was in charge. Perhaps it was simply a part of her nature even – she fancied herself a scorpion, and everyone else a frog.

Whatever the reason was, and whenever specifically it had begun, the thing which mattered was that the power struggle existed, and it caused Five an endless amount of grief. At best, The Handler was a nuisance, and at worst, an enemy. And there was no telling which it would be on any given day. whether he’d be subjected to simply some passive-aggressive comments regarding his work, or whether she would decide to do something to really cross a line. He did his best to prepare for either but there was only so much he could do. As much as he despised her, at the end of the day, she was one of the higher-ups. And he… he was just another cog in the machine. He had to do as she said, lest he be branded as a traitor to The Commission and either be executed or suffer a fate worse than death – and when it came to traitors against The Commission, it was normally the latter. And if he was dead, then who would be there to save his family?

So, as much as Five dreaded any sort of interaction with The Handler, he forced himself through it. Forced himself to play along so that one day, he might be able to go back and stop the apocalypse from ever happening. That is what he told himself every time and though it never really made things easier, it was at least a nice thought, so he kept up this habit.

It was what he’d told himself today too, when The Handler had approached him with her latest “offer”.

The day had started off so well. He had completed a number of jobs, had filed all his paperwork, and had made it to 10 minutes to lunch without any sign of The Handler. This was a new record, he believed. He had chalked it up to her being off base – likely hunting down new recruits or something – and was prepared to steal away to his usual lunch spot (an abandoned corner of one of the less frequently used rooms) when he heard a familiar clacking of heels on the file floor. He let out a groan when the footsteps stopped outside the tiny space he called an office, and the imposing outline of The Handler filled the glass of the door.

“Knock knock,” she practically sang, and Five fought the urge to gag. Without even waiting for his response, The Handler flung the door open. She was dressed in a 50’s style teal dress and donned red heels that Five could not imagine were any sort of comfortable when one was on their feet as much as a job – even a management one – at The Commission required them to be. Her hair was poofy and curled, and resting atop it was an extravagantly large hat which matched in color to her dress. Five always did wonder how it was she got away with her wardrobe, considering how blatantly it went against company policy, but he supposed the other higher-ups likely thought it was not worth the effort to attempt to force her to adhere to the dress code. Personally, Five thought it set a bad example, and an even worse precedent.

“Ah, Handler, pleasure to see you,” he greeted, his voice laced with obvious sarcasm, “what can I do for you?”

“Well, a little birdie told me that you were just flying through your cases today. Said you nearly finished your entire to-do list before mid-day! Impressive as always, Five!” she grinned, and Five faked a smile, mentally promising to find out who this “little birdie” was and avoid them as much as possible.

“Yes, it’s been a considerably productive day today,” responded Five.

“And I would like it to stay that way, so if you could just exit right back the way you came from, that’d be great. Oh, and don’t forget the door,” he wanted to add but didn’t.

“That’s what we like to see here!” exclaimed The Handler with a clap of her hands. “Anywho, I was just about to have lunch when that tidbit of information crossed my way, and I thought to myself ‘Look at him – working hard, putting in the hours and the effort. Going above and beyond. A real go-getter, that one!’ and then I had a grand idea, if I do say so myself. See, I know you normally like to take your lunch breaks on your own. Well, spend all your time on your own, really. Regular old Batman over here with your Mr. Dark, Brooding, ‘I don’t need anyone’ thing you have going there,” she teased. Five couldn’t help but grimace at this. Batman?! Him?! If anyone in his family was Batman, he thought, it’d be Diego. Diego is always… was… always…

“…sometimes we all do, but I just thought that, after all the consistent hard work you’ve been doing, and the determination, well, I thought that it was hardly right to let that all go unrecognized!” she said, and Five blinked a few times. He had missed part of what she had said, and supposed he must have tuned her out for a moment. Not that he was too bothered by this. If Five had had his way, he’d tune her out every single time she spoke to him. “So, I arranged a special little lunch for you!” she told him, and then came the bit he knew was going to follow, yet hoped it wouldn’t all the same, “well, us, technically, but don’t get it mixed up, Five! This is really all for you! I’m just sitting in for company! Little wine and dine between colleagues!

“No! Absolutely not! In no way. If I need something to kill my appetite, then sure, I’d agree to have you watch me like a hawk as I eat, but I’m not really feeling it today. So, thanks, but hard pass,” a less calculated or a more emotionally driven person might have cried out. But Five was nothing if not calculated and composed, and so instead he gave the biggest fake smile he could muster.

“Sounds great. I’ll just go grab my lunch and…” he began, but she swiftly cut him off.

“No, no, no! You don’t have to bring anything but yourself! I’ve got the rest covered, so all you need to do is follow me,” she informed him, though despite the airiness of her voice, he already knew it was a command, not an invitation.

The Handler left the room without another word, only pausing until she heard Five’s footsteps following after her, then continuing on. It occurred to Five while they walked that he had no idea where their little “celebratory” lunch was being held. He also did not know what was being served. He hoped it was something simple like sandwiches or pizza. Something he could quickly scoff down, chase with a coffee or something stronger, and then excuse himself back to work. He voiced his aloud to The Handler – the question as to the lunch, not his exit strategy – and she merely turned her head to face back at him – down at him – and smiled.

“All in good time, Five. All in good time,” was all the response he got before she began humming away to herself.

It was only when they turned the final corner before their destination that Five realized their lunch spot was The Handler’s very own office. He was thankful that his training with The Commission, along with at The Umbrella Academy, had taught him how to mask his feelings, because he was sure his disgust otherwise would have been very evident. However, a chuckle from The Handler indicated that he still hadn’t quite mastered the art of fooling her. She opened the door and stepped to the side, holding it for him.

“Make yourself at home,” she invited, and Five was reminded of that childhood story about the spider inviting the fly into his parlor. And like the doomed fly in that tale… Five found himself walking right in, aware of the danger facing him, yet entering that damned place all the same.

The Handler’s office was an expectedly grand place. There was a huge gold and burgundy desk and chairs which matched perfectly. The walls were a shade of red that reminded Five of blood. There were pillars of silver and fold that sparkled when the light from the oval window on the far side of the room struck them. The room, like its owner, stood out in stark contrast to the bland grey of the rest of The Commission.

“It is quite an office, isn’t it?” The Handler whispered into Five’s ear, and despite himself, he shuddered. She stepped back, and though her expression was one of nothing other than pride for her workspace, he could feel the smirk boring into him. “It has served me well for a long time. Lots of great memories in this room,” she continued on, “but, management is moving me to a new office space soon. Something about turning this into another storage room or something. Politics, you know? Anyhow, they promised me the other office will be even better, and I’m holding them to it,” she said with a wink, and he was certain that she would. Was certain that she wouldn’t hesitate to resort to some of the same tactics he used while interrogating Commission marks in order to get that office.

“Fascinating,” murmured Five, and if The Handler realized the sarcasm lacing his voice, she gave no indication. He watched as she took a seat behind the lavish desk, and when she motioned for him to take a seat across from her, he did so.

An awkward silence filled the room then, and Five shifted impatiently in his seat. He’d been hoping the food would already be in the room so that they could just get it over with quick as possible, but either the food was late, or The Handler had purposely ordered for it to come after they’d arrived at the office. Judging by the look of satisfaction on her face, Five suspected it was the latter. The silence filling the room was making Five more and more restless – and frankly quite frustrated – and he was very sure she was finding that absolutely delightful. This silence, he knew, was a crafted and calculated one. Five wasn’t one for small talk, and this was a fact that was well-known throughout The Commission. But something else that was equally well known was The Handler’s great adoration for the sound of her own voice. She’d fill a room with it whenever she got the chance, directing as many eyes toward herself as possible in the process. The exception to this, of course, was when she had some scheme in mind which required silence.

Normally she did it when she wanted to see if anyone in the room dared speak with her present before being addressed to do so. She’d stand or sit in a room for the better part of an hour sometimes, just to see if anyone broke this unspoken rule. She wouldn’t do anything, per se, if they did, but that look she’d give… well… that did the trick all on its own. She didn’t do it to test obedience or loyalty, Five knew. No… the only reasons she did it was to show everyone the power she demanded just with her presence alone and to revel in their fear. And though the tactic she was using now was slightly different, Five suspected its intentions were very much the same.

“So, busy week so far?” Five questioned loudly, his voice a harsh sound in comparison to the rested silence. For a moment, which lasted no more than half a second, Five saw a look of surprise cross The Handler’s face. It looked to Five how a child’s face might look when their favorite toy had failed to function as it should. As though this look had vanished almost as quickly as it had appeared, Five delighted in that glorious half-second.

“Oh Five! You know The Commission. When isn’t it a busy week?” she laughed, the mask now perfectly back on. “But that’s what keeps it exciting, isn’t it?” she added, and just as Five was about to speak, the doors of the office were flung open.

If Five had had any remaining hopes that this meal would go by quickly, or that he would be lucky enough to have the lunch be just a sandwich or some other type of finger food, those hopes were crushed upon viewing the sight which greeted him when those magnificent doors opened.

There were four individuals wheeling in carts filled with fancy serving containers. Thankfully for Five, each cart only held what looked to be four dishes on the toy lawyer of the cart, with the second being empty save for the final cart. On this one, the second lawyer contained a vast assortment of drinks: juices, smoothies, lemonade, and other extremely sweet drinks. Five noticed after a quick inspection that both coffee and any sort of alcoholic beverages were suspiciously absent from this bevy of beverages.

The figures who had delivered these carts did not look familiar to Five. He thought that they must be Commission personnel – after all, they didn’t usually allow people from within the normal timeline to just wander about the building – yet they did not don the usual Commission outfits. They were all dressed in the same deep purple suits, with hats of a matching color that reminded Five of something you’d see in an old ice cream parlor. Their movements were… too in-sync, Five thought. Too robotic. Their eyes were empty and hollow. Were they under some sort of mind control? Or hypnosis perhaps?

“I wasn’t aware The Commission had its own catering company,” Five spoke, hoping to glean some information about the situation. The Handler grinned.

“Oh, they certainly do,” she said, and Five raised an eyebrow at this.

“But they aren’t it?” he questioned, and she nodded.

“Sharp as ever, Five. No, these darling folks here are not from The Commission’s usual catering group. They are some not-so-clever people who had been traitors to The Commission. They were given to me so that I could… decide on a fitting punishment. And after a long time of working with each individual, I decided to keep them around for a bit. Have them help out a bit with some odd things here and there… at least until I feel they’ve paid off their debts to The Commission. Then, well, I can terminate their contracts,” she explained, and Five blinked a few times. She was just… keeping them around as her errand people or toys, ready to dispose of them the minute they either cease to be useful, or she finds another pet project that she wished to devote her attention to.

He thought back to the looks and movements of the figures and suddenly understood the vacant expressions and robotic movements. It wasn’t mind control, hypnosis, or any other mental persuasion. It wasn’t “magic” or powers.

It was hopelessness.

It was a look he was familiar with. The look that his targets sometimes gave right before he… finished a job. Five was the kind of man who took pride in a job well done, and in accomplishing his goals. The sort of man who didn’t give 50% or 75%, but 200% when it came to the things he did. And he was, he knew, good at his job. But when that job was over… and the rush of it gone too… he saw that look when he closed his eyes, and it stuck with him. There was no hope in that look that he might let them live. No pleading for mercy. Not even the last little blip of desperation for a miracle. It was just complete and utter despair. And even after he’d walked away from a job… that look wasn’t something he could just walk away from. Yet…

Yet he knew just from the proudness in her voice and that Cheshire cat grin she’d given him that she felt none of that. She’d see that downhearted look on their faces… and he knew she’d feel nothing but pride at how effectively she’d broken them.

The loud echoing of shutting doors snapped Five back to the present moment. He turned and noticed that all of the figures had left the room. Not only this, but all of the carts that they had wheeled in had been pushed to the left of the desk he and The Handler were sitting at. He hadn’t noticed them moving the carts so close, nor had he noticed them all moving to leave – it only being brought to his attention when the doors had shut. He gritted his teeth, cursing The Handler in his mind. He was more vigilant than this. he knew he was. Any other time it would have been second nature for him to notice such things but her… her trouble presence and existence (not to mention the disturbing information he had just learned about her… latest project) was throwing him off his guard, and he hated her for it.

“Well, feel free to dig in! I’m not sure about you, but I am absolutely famished!” The Handler exclaimed, yet despite this statement, she made no effort to remove any of the lids from the serving dishes. Already knowing where this game would lead, and not wanting to spend any more time humoring her than was necessary, Five reached for the dish closest to him and pulled off the lid. Upon seeing what was inside, Five froze.

Tuna Salad.

Five’s stomach immediately flipped when he saw the dish, and when the smell of the fish hit his nostrils, he had to fight back the urge to vomit. He tried to hide this from his face and swiftly moved to open the next dish…

Spam and potato soup.

He placed the lid of this one down, the same horrid feelings washing over him. He moved on to the next dish.

A stew with baked beans and corned beef.

The lid went back on, and off came the lid of the next dish…

Vegetable soup with corn, green beans, carrots, and tomato broth.

On and on the cycle went, with Five ripping off a lid, seeing the dish, feeling as though he was about to pass out or be violently sick or kill someone, putting the lid on the ground, and moving to the next dish. By the time he’d moved onto the third cart, he felt as though he wanted to throw the tray lids as hard as he could right at The Handler’s face.

Because this… what lay in front of him on those carts… it was Hell. It was torture. It was a special kind of cruelty that only she was capable of…

Sixteen dishes.

Sixteen different dishes.

Some breakfast. Some lunch. Some dinner, and a few dessert ones. All with one thing in common…

Each and every dish in front of him contained some ingredient he had eaten while trapped in the apocalypse…

Canned items such as tuna, spam, potatoes, baked beans, corned beef, tomato broth, an assortment of canned vegetables, etc.

But that wasn’t the worst part of it… no… no, the worst part was…

That every single dish contained something which, during Five’s time in the apocalypse, had made Five greatly ill.

Five remember each incident as though it happened yesterday… or, as the feeling of nausea grew within him, as though it were happening now.

At the start of the apocalypse, the incidents happened out of naivety. He had thought that surely if something was in a can, it must still be good. After all, it had only been a few months since he had run out of the packaged goods that he had managed to find – well, those that weren’t destroyed or damaged, and those that hadn’t had any clear signs of rot or mold – and so surely the canned items he was stumbling across here and there should still be good. And most were, in his defense… but not all. Canned fish had been the first which Five had learned the hard way did not survive well in high temperatures or regular exposure to sunlight and the elements. No matter what the expiry date was.

Canned meats had lasted him a little while longer, but not much. He had tried to gather and consume as much of the canned fish and meats he’d come across, mixing them with the canned vegetables as much as he could. At the early part of his first year, this only resulted in him feeling ill or nauseous, with some instances of him actually vomiting a little bit. However, by the end of his first year in the apocalypse, any canned seafood or meats were deemed practically inedible… after much trial and much, much, much more error. Still, he found himself collecting any undamaged canned fish or meat items… just in case there came a time when he was desperate enough to need to eat them.

Five stock-piled the canned goods which he would come across in the wreckage of houses or buildings, and occasionally he hit the jackpot by coming across a grocery store or bunker that had a bountiful supply of canned goods. He brought as many as he could carry with him, and if he was somewhere that had a decent supply, he’d eat his fill there so there was less to carry. However, as the years went on, it became rare to find canned goods. Five tried to ration his supplies, only eating a little each day. This lack of nutrients along with the heat he often trekked in made him feel weak and light-headed, but it was that or starve to death, and so Five pushed through the pain.

In regular situations, low-acid canned foods have a shelf life of two to five years. Some have a shelf life of two to three years after the expiry date, and others can last a bit longer. Which meant that, in a normal situation, the canned goods that Five had saved up should have lasted him two years on the lower end, and five years on the higher. But those guidelines were for normal circumstances… and the apocalypse was the furthest thing Five could think of from normal.

Firstly, there was the issue of damage. Any damaged canned, even if they were just a little dented, were immediately riskier because they were more likely to be impacted by the elements and the heat. Not to mention bacteria that got in through small holes or cracks. In pre-apocalypse days, if you grabbed a dented or damaged can, you could just put it back on the shelf and grab a new, undamaged one. But when your food supply was rapidly dwindling, that wasn’t an option – you had to grab whatever you had access to, no matter how risky that food was to eat. And because of… well, the end of the world, most of the canned Five came across were damaged, meaning that most of the time, especially during his fourth and fifth year in the apocalypse, the food was very risky. He tried to only eat from the undamaged ones, telling himself that he was only taking the damaged ones in case of emergency. In hindsight, it would likely have been smarter for Five to have eaten from the damaged ones first, so that any bacteria in there didn’t proceed to grow and he could limit the amount he ingested… but after the first few times that Five had become so ill that he had thrown up everything in his stomach… he didn’t exactly love the idea of re-living that unless he absolutely had to.

The second issue was that the longer the items sat in the heat, the higher the likelihood that they would make Five sick. And… again, because of the apocalypse, most items were left to the mercy of the sun. Five found very few bunkers that were intact enough to provide shade for the food, and any grocery stores he stumbled upon were so destroyed there was nothing at all to protect the canned goods. Sometimes, when he popped open a can, he could already smell the rot or mold. A lot of times he would open a can to see green or white spots on it, and as time went on, this became a more and more common occurrence. During the early days, Five would have discarded these items immediately, but by his second and third year… he hardly had the resources to afford to do that. So, he would eat around those parts, leaving the molding bits for whatever crawling creatures would follow him.

Then… by year four… he began eating these parts too.

Rots and mold became regular parts of Five’s diet because it became increasingly rare not only to find canned items, but to find anything that wasn’t decaying. Five was honestly surprised that it had taken up to that point, having suspected at the start that this would happen within the first year. But any gratefulness of how long things had managed to last was quickly diminished by the reality of his situation. What began as a slow, constant hunger due to only eating a little bit every day became an unbearable, devasting sinking feeling that nagged at him as he would go several days in a row without eating. Years four and five were when Five began to realize that he likely wasn’t going to be able to find more canned items – at least not on a regular basis. It felt like a miracle any time he saw the shimmer of a tin can, and by years seven to ten, Five honestly did not care about the state of the food within it, just grateful that it was something to eat.

Illness became a routine part of Five’s life. He would eat something, whether it was a little bit of food from a can he had managed to find or one of the ones he had been saving, either of which would be covered in fuzzy white mold that tickled his tongue when he ate it. He swore he could feel things squirming around when he ate it too, though whether this was actually happening or whether it was a trick of his mind he did not know. After eating it, he would try to keep the food down as long as he could, only to vomit the majority of it up later on. He raided pharmacies when he could find them, looking for anti-nausea pills or anything else which would help him keep the substance down so his body could at least retain some nutrients, but pharmacies were even rarer than grocery stores, and most people who had built bunkers had stored food, not medical supplies. This made matters even worse when Five caught an infection because this meant that keeping food down was even more difficult. During these times, Five took to hibernating. He wouldn’t eat for nearly a week, drinking what little liquids he had. He pushed food from his mind during these bouts, knowing that an empty stomach didn’t help matter but feeling too tired and weak to deal with the vomiting he knew would come if he ate the spoiled foods he had gathered. He’d build himself a little shelter and stay there until he felt better, or until he decided that he wasn’t going to feel better unless he managed to find either more food or medication. Then he’d push forward, stomach complaining all the way through.

Somewhere along the line (time stopped mattering as much to Five after the tenth year), Five had pretty much all but given up on finding anything that resembled food. He’d take it where he would find it, but he stopped looking for it. Before when he walked, he would be doing it in search of new stores or bunkers that had managed to survive the end of the world. He’d allowed himself a glimmer of hope that as he went into new territory, he’d be able to find things that had survived. But that was before he’d left the major cities… and after that… well, there really was nothing out there. Farmlands didn’t have much in the way of food. Most animal corpses were non-existent, and the few that were there were reduced to skeletons. Five figured that they must have decayed pretty quickly after the initial event. He wondered at times if he should have headed straight for the farmlands and country areas, eating the corpses first before going for the canned goods. He had seen quite a few corpses along his travels, and while the states of them were questionable, they weren’t much more questionable than the canned goods. Still… what was done was done, and there was no point dwelling on what could have been.

Now when Five walked… it was only because he could think of nothing else to do. He was thankful when he did manage to find something that he could consume, but the gnawing hunger was just something he’d gotten so used to at this point. His diet now consisted of pretty much only the occasional scraps he had left in his cans (though Five wondered how much of what he ate he was hallucinating, and how much was real), as well as the occasional cockroach. When he returned to the cityscapes, he began finding more and more roaches, and these became his primary food source. They made him sick as they squirmed in his mouth, wriggling about on his tongue. He felt their little legs as they kicked around the sides of his mouth, and because he hated how they burst when he bit into them, he often swallowed them whole, leaving them to struggle about as they passed through his throat. He tried not to think about what it was those roaches had been feasting upon, especially those that were plumper and juicier. Still… they were preferable to the maggots that he had occasionally eaten. The ones he sometimes found within the canned goods… yellowish or silver things which crunched when he would bite them… and which he swore he could still feel wriggling about his stomach after he had finished eating.

He wished the maggots and roaches had been the worst things he had been subjected to eating. Someday he even wishes it had been something such as corpses. But no… no, because when Five reached areas where the roaches had become scarce or undiscoverable… Five did something he never thought he would have to do in his life… he sustained himself on his own urine and excrement.

He had a pot. He had found it during the early days and used to use it to make soups or stews when he still had the resources to do so. At times he used it to cook the roaches when he wasn’t so starved that he would just eat them raw. But during those dark times… he would use it to make meals out of his own waste. Often his meals consisted of the few roaches he could find mixed with his excrement and urine. He told himself at first that he was heating it so that he could try and make it any sort of less likely to make him ill… but he soon abandoned his line. He was doing it, in reality, to try and trick himself into thinking it was anything other than what it really was.

Five had tried to eat his own vomit. He was sick enough that he thought that it was a waste not to try it. When he knew he was going to be sick, he would bring out the pot and vomit into it, cooking it later when he had the resources to make a fire. He would add water to it from whatever water source was closest (something he did with all his “meals” when he had water nearby that was drinkable), and he tried to eat it. He quickly learned that he could not sustain himself on this. Acids, he would learn later. That was what did it. The high acid content would cause his mouth to decay, the teeth slowly eroding and the gums becoming so diseased that he was sure his teeth would drop out one by one… or that he would look to find those horrible writhing maggots worming their way between his teeth. So… whatever he vomited was lost, he reasoned. And with this in mind… he began forcing the sick back down his throat whenever he felt it coming up.

When the vegetation began to grow back, he started eating this and slowly, bit by bit, he began to regain some of his strength. The more vegetation there was, the more bugs there were, and he moved steadily from his lowest dietary point to one that consisted of bugs and plants. He never thought that he would cherish a diet of beetles, roaches, and crickets, but after surviving off his own waste for so long, he was just grateful to eat something that hadn’t come from inside himself.

But even as he pushed forward… even as he began to return to a steadier diet, and later, even something that resembled a healthy one… even as the meat returned to his bones, the strength to his muscles, life to his body… he’d find himself having nightmares of the dark days. He never quite got the scent of the “meals” he had to eat out of his mind. The image of those concoctions in that pot… and taste of it… it had never left. Every time he put food into his mouth after that… for just a second… he swore that that was what he tasted. No matter what it was… no matter how flavoury or distinct the taste of the meal was… he still tasted for just a second the flavor of his urine and excrement.

Five’s body was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. His lips were quivering and his vision blurring, and despite himself, he wanted so badly to cry. He could feel himself swaying back and forth. He could feel a stabbing pain in his mouth as his teeth cut into his tongue. Could taste the metallic tang of his own blood. But despite all this, he felt miles away from his own body. Felt miles away from the room he was standing in. Miles away from everything. He just stared at the trays of food in front of him, unable to move. Unable to think. Unable to stop himself from shaking. Unable to do anything.

“Oh dear!” broke The Handler’s voice through the stillness. Five made no effort to turn to face her – he couldn’t even if he had wanted to. “You know what? I just remembered I have a pressing engagement today! I really am sorry, Five, but unfortunately, I am going to have to cut out little lunch short. And we didn’t even get to eat!” she continued on. He heard her stand up and then a few seconds later, felt it as she placed a hand on his shoulder. Still, he made no effort to move. “But don’t let my leaving early ruin your lunch, alright? Feel free to stay here and eat, or you can take some of it to go. Whatever strikes your fancy,” she purred into his ear. She then patted his head like he was a puppy and walked off. “Bon appetite~” she called before shutting the door and leaving Five alone in the office, surrounded by the antagonizing food trays.

The realization struck Five as he watched her leave that this had been her plan all along. She’d never intended to make him eat the food. He thought that was her plan… was dreading that that was her plan… but this was almost worse… because it showed that she knew the depth of the impact the food’s simple existence had on Five… and knew the power she held over him with that and that alone. She didn’t need to force him to eat it. Just by having it there… just by having him see it… she not only told him that she’d been keeping a very close, personal eye on him throughout his entire time in the apocalypse but also cemented quite clearly who was in charge in this situation.

The second Five heard the door shut, his legs gave way and he crashed to the floor. He hugged his knees close to himself and began rocking forwards and backward uncontrollably. He shut his eyes, trying to block out the smells and images of the food in the office, but then the images of those dark days in the apocalypse… the images he had tried for so, so long to block from his mind… they came back to him as they so often did during his sleeping hours, and his eyes flew open. He stared at the carpet instead. He could hear his own breathing, but like before, it sounded so far away. He felt so far away from himself. He tried to will himself back into control over his body, but it was no use. He tried to force himself to be rid of those pesky memories that were pushing their way back into his mind, but it was no use. The smell of the food in the room was so pungent and overwhelming that it was inescapable. Five abandoned the notion of trying to force the horrid memories away and instead tried to focus on thinking of something else. Something pleasant. Something that could take away the horrible things.

He tried to think of The Umbrella Academy… but then thought that there really weren’t many memories of that place that he could think fondly of.

He tried to think of his family… but then saw their mangled corpses and felt unspeakable grief consume him.

Then it came to him…

Dolores.

Dolores was someone who had good memories associated with her. Not only that, but she understood. She’d been there during those dark days, and she understood. How many times he had spoken with her about those times? How many times had he confided in her about them? Even during those times… she’d been his rock. She’d gotten him through it. When he screamed that he couldn’t do it anymore, she’d sat him down and told him he was strong enough to do it. That he not only had to do it to survive, but that he could do it.

“You have survived so much, Five. Been so strong in the face of things that others would have immediately caved at. You know you can pull through this. I know you can pull through this. We just have to be strong, as we’ve been throughout all this time,” she would tell him. Five could almost hear her voice now, speaking to him in the present. “You just have to be strong and fight through this. It is going to be alright. We just have to fight through for tomorrow. Just keep thinking about tomorrow, and we will get through this.”

“I can’t stop thinking about it. It won’t… it doesn’t go away…” he whispered.

“You are strong, Five. You can survive those memories. You’ve gotten through so much. Beaten the odds more times than you can count. Survived so much more than anyone could have expected one man to survive. You can get through this too,” she replied, and this time, when Five shut his eyes, he could see only her. She was sitting across from him on the other side of the room, donning the camo shirt and lace undershirt that she’d been wearing when he last saw her. A smile appeared on Five’s face, and he felt a tear slide down his cheek.

“You always know just what to say,” he told her, and he heard her chuckle.

“Well, I’ve known you for a very long time, so that does help,” she responded, and this time it was Five’s turn to chuckle.

“Just as spirited as always, Dolores,” he teased, and she rolled her eyes.

“Could you really see us being partners for so long if I couldn’t at least match you in wit and spirit?” she retorted, and he gave a shrug of agreeance. Then there was silence between them as neither was sure what to say or do. Finally, Five spoke.

“It won’t go away,” he repeated, and she gave him a sympathetic expression.

“I know. But you have to believe me when I tell you that you are strong, Five. I know it is hard. Especially in moments like this. I know it can feel like there is no coming out of this. Like you are right back in those dark days, and you can’t escape them. Like you are drowning in tar and no matter how hard you fight to get out, it only seems to drag you further down. But you are a fighter, Five. You always have been. You fought to make a name for yourself during your time with The Umbrella Academy. You fought against the expectations of your father and of the world. And when things went… well, really south, you fought your way through the apocalypse. You survived the end of the world, Five. Then, when you got a ticket out of there, you fought your way to the top of your new workplace. Despite starting out with no clue how things worked there, you fought to show them that you weren’t someone who just rolled over or played nice. No, you were a force to be reckoned with, and you fought like mad to show them that. And even though that… that witch tries to break you down, you fight against her. She takes shots at you, and she hits hard, but you stand your ground. You get through it. And you can get through this too. I know you can, Five. Because I know you. I do. Perhaps even better than you know yourself,” she softly spoke.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves there,” he replied, but there was a thankful smile on his face, and he knew Dolores would understand his unspoken gratitude.

“The point is… you will get through this. We will get through this. We’ve gotten through so much, Five. Faced bigger threats than her, and we won. Just like we will win here. As long as we are together, we can get through anything. It’s like we’ve always said. Together…” she began.

“Forever,” he finished like clockwork, and a few more tears fell. Tears of relief and hope and appreciation and emotions Five could not even begin to put a name to. The panic and horror that had been surging within him had begun to fade at her words. No… not only that. Her presence alone. She was just like that though, he knew. She needn’t say anything, and already he would feel as though things might just look up. All she had to do was look at him with that beautiful expression that he adored, and all which plagued his heart and mind would begin to dissipate. She really did always know what to say. What to do. How to make him feel as though it might be alright. He took a few deep breaths and then smiled over at her.

“I… you are right. We can get through this. I… I think we will be ok,” he told her in a hushed voice, and she nodded in agreement. “Together… yes… we can get through this together. Just like all those times in the apocalypse. You and me against the world. Together forever,” he rambled, “we can do it, can’t we? As long as we stick together, we can get through anything. I know we can, as long as we have each other,” he reiterated, and he saw her smile grow at this. She said nothing, and he knew it was because she knew she needn’t say anything more than what she’d already said. She was there for him, and he knew she knew he needed nothing more than that.

His heart rate was much lower now. The shaking of his hands had nearly stopped. He felt himself returning to himself. He focused on keeping his breathing slow and steady, and bit by bit, he regained control of his body. Was back in that moment. The tears had stopped flowing, but he knew that even if they hadn’t… it was ok. He could let them fall if it was with her because she would understand. Because she knew him. Because she wanted to know him.

It would be ok. She’d be his rock, and he’d be hers. They’d help each other through it as they had helped each other through so many other things. He didn’t have to do it alone. He’d thought… he’d thought he’d have to do it alone. But now she was here, and he had someone he could confide in. Someone he could turn to. It would be alright. Even in the darkness… when he had times when he struggled to find his way back to the light… she would be his guide, and she’d helped him find the way. She’d help him find his inner strength until the times when he saw it again, and it would be ok. As long as they had each other… they would find a way to be ok.

It would be ok.

“Dolores… thank you. For… everything. I’m so happy that you are here…” he had started to say, moving towards her so that he could hold her and she him. But then his hand bumped into something hard and relatively sharp, and he jumped. As he did so, his eyes flew open…

He had been huddled by The Handler’s desk, the corner of which was what his hand had made contact with. He saw the food trays and the carts. Saw the extravagant décor. And…

Saw that he was alone.

Dolores wasn’t there. She’d never been there. He’d had to leave her behind when he joined The Commission, he remembered now. She was gone…

She was gone and he was alone…

The reality of this hit Five like a freight truck and he sunk back down. He wasn’t shaking. He wasn’t trembling. He wasn’t rocking or swaying like before. He just sat there as loneliness filled him and as he felt the hope which had previously built within him being torn out of him. He caught a glimpse of himself in the reflection of one of the tray lids that he had flung to the floor and could have let out a sad laugh if he had had the strength to.

That look… the same one he had seen on those figures who had delivered those damned carts and trays… the same one he had seen on the faces of those whose lives he had ended… it was now reflected back at him.

He wasn’t scared.

He wasn’t angry.

He wasn’t upset.

What he was…

Was completely, utterly, and entirely in all-consuming despair.

He was lost…

He was empty…

He was tired…

He was hopeless…

He was alone…

And it would not be ok.

#fanfiction #fanfic #the umbrella academy #five hargreeves #ao3 fanfic #the handler #Dolores and Number Five #Pre-Series/Season One #Hurt No Comfort #Adult Number Five #Number Five/The Boy-centric

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shaguagua · 2 years ago

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何至於斯？

how we are here?

It's from an epic about fisherman and 屈原(qū yuán; BC. 343 ? ~ BC. 277 ?), title is 漁父辭(yú fù cí). This story came up in episode 3 and 7. Where Gu xiang asked Wen kexing who is 屈原 and Chao weining told Gu xiang incorrect version of 屈原's poem.And Gu xiang askes Wen kexing who is Qu yuan.

And in episode 3, you may find it below 👇

This poem has story and very famous as it has quoted in many different media in 漢字文化圈(chinese charater cultur boundaries). Historically he was a talented politician. As his sir name 屈(Qu) was the same as king's sir name in 楚(chu) so there are possibility he was a royal blood. When he lived there were 7 nations (齊; qí 楚; chǔ 燕; yàn 趙; zhào 魏; wèi 韓; hán 秦; qín) that wanted to unite china. 秦，楚，齊 were the most powerful countries, later 秦 united.

Actually you don't need to know these to understand the story. It would be a little helpful why it has used and may find hidden intension. Because when I first noticed 漁父辭, I somehow expected it would be a sad-ending. Because of the chaos around the nations, he followed his king in 楚, but his king was stupid and the other vassals hated and begrudged him of talent. With the chaotic status of 楚, his king died of not listening to 屈原. Later son of his king banished him for the death.

屈原 was still faithful for his country 楚, and had kept trying to save 楚, but no one listened. Finally, he tried suicide to tell for his king to listen and save the country. Unfortunately he didn't and 楚 had fallen. Funny that who had united those 7 nations, his grand mother was from 楚, who was 宣太后(xuān tài hòu; the queen of the Great).

This poem shows a person who had tried to save his most value, but there was no one to listen. The only thing he could do for them to listen was suicide. Sad thing is that even he died no one had listend and his precious nation fell. 屈原 is a model of loyalty. The story goes,

屈原旣放, 游於江潭, 行吟澤畔, 顔色憔悴, 形容枯槁。

屈原 had banished from 楚, wandering around watersides, talking to himself, lanky and futile.

漁父見而問之曰，子非三閭大夫與？何故至於斯？

A fisherman noticed him and asked, Were you not the dignitary of 楚? What had happened to be here at this point?

Then the fisher man was listening to lamenting of 屈原. 屈原 was saying how he could be suited with renegades and became a traitor. He could not forsake his fidelity. After the conversation, the fisher man sings based on 屈原's words.

滄浪之水淸兮可以濯吾纓

if the water is clean I would wash my hat

滄浪之水濁兮可以濯吾足

if the water is tuebid, I would wash my feet.

which means, whatever the water is, if it's clean he would follow if it is not he wouldn't associate. And this was on episode 3, where Zhou zishu had met Wen kexing again in the warterside. So I guess, Wen kexing might have known Zhou zishu's identity all along.

I guess Wen kexing intended as, what had happened to 天窗(tian chuang)? had something happend? that's why you're wondering around like that? Is there something you wouldn't bare anymore that's why you left?? and because of that Zhou zishu started to listen and be generous about Wen kexing. And the situation is rather similar with Zhou zishu and 屈原. So, who knows 漁父辭 may have guessed the tragic ending of the character.

This 漁父辭 reminds of Zhou zishu's story, there are parts alike to 屈原. The difference could be how a person can be active and passive. The story between Jin wang and Zhou zishu would had been similar to 屈原 and 楚王. It's really shame I would never know 🥲At some point I even think it would had been better if Zhou zishu died as a begger traveling where he wanted to do and go. The love and respect he got from people around aren't what they are but burdens. The affection from Wen kexing is too violent sometimes.

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todayisawthewhxlewxrld · 10 months ago

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Please today has been the worst day everrr. It snowed, but classes were still "in session" so I still had to get up and go, none of the people I actually like were there so I sat alone pretty much all day, the roads were slippery so I literally almost got into a wreck 😭 I missed out on my breakfast and lunch period, because again, went to my psych class, my boyfriend or whatever is mad that I say "huh" all the time?? 😭 Dawg, I'm just hoping, no PRAYING, that I can have a good time at home. I seriously feel like exploding rn, Axel please just throw me into the sun atp 😔 I had 3 different quizzes today, and I ran on 3 hours of sleep so Idk how tf that went 😞 PLEASE, ALSO I RAN OUT OF YK FEMININE PRODUCTS, BUT WHEN I WOKE UP IT LOOKED LIKE IT WAS OVER SO I WAS JUST LIKE "Yk what I'll just go pick some up after classes" LEGIT MY 3RD PERIOD I FIND OUT I WAS WRONG? Dude I can't 😭 But bag secured now?

Please the second I stepped into my lovely home the tears started building up 💔 It's mostly because my boyfriend legit told me everytime I say huh or what it makes him mad, cause I didn't know? He's all the time calling me stupid and idk how to feel about it, like ik its a joke, but I was constantly put down if I was incorrect about something growing up. I was taught that intelligence is one of the most important things for a person, so I try really hard to maintain it, but when he calls me dumb, or stupid, maybe even slow, sometimes implying it.. Just is completely insulting. Idk how to mention it without getting a negative reaction either. He called me uhm, just a word that I won't repeat, and I told him not to then he said "Are you seriously offended? Like why are you offended by it?" 😐 I love him to death, but I don't like when he calls me degrading names. I mean, he's constantly calling me a bitch and stuff, it's just borderline disrespectful. It'd be different if it was an obvious joke, or if it was just occasional, but no its all the time and it's difficult to tell it apart from seriousness. He even told me to not talk to him for the rest of the day today? Man I'm just dying. I feel like it's bringing out the hurt that I've been trying to get over, and it's just a lot 😩 Might nap though, or sleep? Idk idc 😭

(Venting session is actually insane 😒, don't pay attention to it)

OH BUT I STARTED TALKING TO THIS GIRL MORE TODAY!! She's genuinely so sweet and funny 😭 I love her omg, shes so relatable🤞😩 Might just have to make her my #1 pookie 🙄 Gonna eat some uhmmm, actually probably just gonna eat this ramen stuff cause yk, don't feel like cooking or anything 😔

UNTIL NEXT TIME AXELLLL, GETTING EXCITED FOR THE ANGST IN SPELLBOUND 🤞😍😍😍

XOXO 👽

bae… ur not gonna like what i have to say… so forgive me if i am overstepping but oh my GOD when i say dump that man i am so serious bc that behavior is diabolical n should not be excusable no matter how much u may love that man …

i am glad u made a friend!!! i hope ur ramen was good :3

ANGST IS COMMENCING

#axel answers ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★#axel answers// 👽

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bigskydreaming · 3 years ago

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Hi, I was reading your post about Jason punching Dick in the face when Dick revealed he fake his death was bullshit ( which it was) and it reminded me of an issue/question that has bothered me for sometime.

Why did people believe Dick was actually dead?

I’m not the most avid comic reader so maybe I missed something but it was always weird to me that everyone just accepted this especially given how Bruce was acting or should I say wasn’t acting.

This is a man when his child died another child had to come along and told him sir you are being too violent and emotional you need supervision. When his other child died he went all over the universe to bring him back to life because he knew it was possible ( which was happening at the same time), so why didn’t anyone think it was weird he wasn’t doing that for Dick. Can you imagine Dick really dying that soon after Damian it would be injustice Batman Version. You are telling me that Tim, Jason or Barbara didn’t think it was weird that Bruce didn’t also bring Dick’s corpse to the bring Damian back to life mission or mention it to themselves. Like what more likely Dick dead and Bruce is handling it well or that he fake his death to do something stupid and Dangerous after his partner/brother/ little bit my son the feelings are complicated died after he was knocked out and woke up to his corpse.

Oh man, this is like, the entire nature of my beef?

(Slight derail just to emphasize the fact real quick that Dick DID actually die, he was just revived quickly, but like, the trauma of his death was very real and its not like anyone was clued into Luthor having a resurrection backdoor built into his literal murder of Dick in the actual moment of it happening. So Dick’s death wasn’t fake, and additionally, he didn’t have anything to do with like, telling people about it, because he was literally comatose in the cave and recovering while Bruce was telling people....by the time Dick woke up in the cave, we already know that Alfred at least had already been convinced by Bruce that Dick was dead, so I have a kneejerk need to pushback against the Dick faked his death narrative by reminding people wherever possible that Dick had no agency in the spreading of that narrative.

It happened without him being involved, and the only actual contribution he ever made to it was just not revealing he was alive before Grayson #12, after Bruce like.....emotionally, mentally and physically badgered him into accepting that doing so would be directly harmful to his family and he didn’t want to be the reason more people died when like, people had just died because he ‘let’ himself be captured and interrogated by Power Woman’s Lasso of Submission, did he?

SORRY TO BE PEDANTIC, just wanted to start this off on a clarification, even though I know the aim of your ask was very much in tune with the rest of my response. A lot of people don’t read the actual comics, so like, I’m never gonna skip over an opportunity to emphasize that the shorthand people use to refer to Dick’s death and the year he was with Spyral, is like, literally just shorthand for describing it. Its not actually an accurate description of how all that went down and who had the most hand in it).

BUT ANYWAY. BACK TO THE MEAT OF THE BEEF.

Okay so like, not only was the entire family and Bruce himself giving Dick shit for his death and Spyral, like, PAINFULLY egregious because it was literal victim blaming in every possible sense of the word....

None of it made a LICK of sense with ANY of their characterizations, and they ONLY all accepted it on face value because the Plot Demanded It, and when you're like, no, as a reader I say The Plot Demanded It is not a good enough reason for me to be like well sure, that makes sense......looking at the characters ACTUAL actions at face value pretty much just makes them all look like assholes?

Like, Tim has never gracefully accepted anyone's death. Ever. This is core characterization for him. He will go to the ends of the earth for his loved ones and to bring them back, prove they're not dead, refuse to let death be the final verdict for them. He was tempted to use the Lazarus Pit to bring his parents back to life. He refused to accept Bruce was dead long before he had any proof whatsoever of that theory. He tried to clone his BFF/future-husband Kon in his fucking basement like, dude was two whole inches away from going Full Dark Side in his quest to bring back a lost loved one no matter WHAT the cost.....and then you've got Dick unmasked onscreen, killed offscreen, and Bruce then reporting to the rest of them with zero inflection 'oh Dick's dead now. Its very sad' and Tim's just like, sure. Sounds legit.

I mean?!?!

And you're SO RIGHT ABOUT THE DAMIAN THING! Bruce LITERALLY LITERALLY LITERALLY went BEYOND the ends of the Earth, like, he full on chartered a fucking space ship to fly his whole family out to APOKOLIPS to bring Damian back from the dead by going to EXTREME lengths.....WHILE everyone else thought Dick was dead....

And not a single person looked at Bruce and was like, okay, not that we're not down to do this for Damian because we miss Stabby Smurf something fierce ourselves, but.....what the fuck is UP with you dude? Why aren't you displaying ANY hint of this same kind of energy in regards to your eldest son that you said you watched die right in front of you?

Like....I don't know that we were actually ever told that Dick's coffin was empty or had a fake in it, but like....this family of detectives who refuse to accept death, defy death, COME BACK FROM THE DEAD....not a single one of them said like, okay, if I'm gonna like, ACCEPT accept that Dick is dead and gone for good, I need to at least just see him one last time? That's literally all it would have taken for someone to realize hey something's a little wonky here. Where's the dead body, Pops?

Since when has Jason ever missed an opportunity to prove Bruce is a) full of shit, b) acting like an emotionless robot and all his kids deserve better especially when they've just like....died, c) just factually incorrect and wrong and jumped to a conclusion before it was conclusively proved, d) lying like a liar or e) all of the above?

Nobody even ASKED if Dick's body could be put in a Lazarus Pit? Yeah, Jason wouldn't necessarily recommend it himself, given what it put him through, but actually fuck that, I take that back, because I'm NOT actually of the opinion that Jason full on hates his life and actively spends every second of every day wishing he hadn't been resurrected, even if it had come with a huge buffet of additional trauma and pain.

And that's kinda what's implied when people just take it for granted that he would never be on board with any scenario involving using a Lazarus Pit to bring Dick back, because it suggests that based even just on his own experiences and feelings, he honestly believes Dick would prefer being dead and not have ANY further opportunities to be with his loved ones, his friends, help save the damn world again at some future point.....that Jason, projecting based just off himself, legit feels Dick would rather be dead than have another shot at life even WITH the downsides of Lazarus Pit usage? Nope. Sorry, I don't buy it.

Speaking of not buying it.....you know what was missing from all those soliloquies the others monologued at Dick about how they felt and were hurt and just devastated by his death, to such a point they can't seem to muster a single shred of happiness that he's NOT dead still -

(seriously, Damian was the ONLY person in ALL THE LANDS OF EMOTION-HAVING who expressed ANY kind of positive reaction to having Dick back. We were so fucking cheated of like.....ANY opportunity to have the characters show just how much they valued him by just being fucking HAPPY he was alive, no matter what else was involved....and then most of fandom compounded that by for years being like mmmm, no, Dick didn't get yelled at enough by his family for what HE put THEM through. Needs more yelling. More punching too. Bad Dick. Bad. This is the only way you'll learn not to die and get shipped off on a mission that you don't want but at least is to protect your family after being beaten into it by your dad whilst victim blaming you for dying in the first place. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN TO THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AND THEIR FEELINGS FOR A CHANGE, DICK?!?)

- But like, BUT I DIGRESS aside....you know what was missing from all those monologues about how hard DICK'S death and ensuing year of basically exile from his loved ones was for EVERYONE BUT HIM?

We never got a single line of explanation as to what everyone else officially thinks even happened to him in the first place?

Like, did Bruce straight up just say oh bad news kids, your brother umm. Expired. Spontaneously. There's no one to blame, he just keeled over, its all very sad.

Is that how that went down?

You're telling me that the explanation of Dick's death didn't come with a single pointed finger at someone for this family of blame-happy vigilantes to like, BLAME for the loss of this brother they all mourned oh so much, they just couldn't help but blame him for all the hurt it caused them?

The family that in every other fic is like OBSESSED with avenging and being avenged and all things vengeful and even tangentially vengeance-y....like didn't ask for a single detail on whomst the fuck deprived us of our brother-having?

Where were the attempts on Luthor's life by Jason (who I mean, yeah I know it was in a previous continuity, but erasing that timeline doesn't erase my awareness of the time Dick killed Jason's murderer so like.....mmm, just saying, woulda been nice)....where was the rage directed at the Crime Syndicate and references to how seriously and personally the Batfam took making sure that they were PUNISHED for all this and would never be free to wreak havoc on their world or their family again? What did they tell Damian when he came back to life, and how are you going to tell me that this fraternal little ball of fury didn't aim himself like a cannonball at whomever the fuck had DARED take HIS Batman from him when Damian wasn't around to have his back?

Not only does everyone else's desire to be avenged start falling really flat the second you factor in hey maybe Dick feels "mmm what about MY avenging" sometimes, and why doesn't anyone ever care about doing that for him.....but also, y'know what REALLY sucks about the ONLY person we actually SEE being blamed for Dick's death and ensuing absence being like....Dick himself?

Not only were his family all super keen on making all of this HIS fault and HIM the bad guy because of how it made them all feeeeeeel (and meanwhile fuck his feelings, am I right Batfam hfaklshfklahfkla).....

They somehow found a way to justify prioritizing this OVER ever even getting around to blaming some villain for his death in the FIRST place, in the entire year or so they thought he was still dead!

Like, you couldn't come up with a single target in all that time, but Dick's back two seconds, and you don't even give him a chance to EXPLAIN before you're punching him, shutting him down with 'I expected better from you' and turning away with 'I don't want to hear it, why am I surprised Dick Grayson disappointed me again'?

afshklfhalfhalfhla

Make it make sense!

And like, it won't, cuz it doesn't, and it never will, and like I said at the top, the ONLY reason it all played out this way is because DC doesn't give a fuck about character development and deemed it necessary to go down this way for the sake of the plot (which was totes worth it, I mean, glad we sacrificed characters for this A+ plot which was clearly the greatest plot of all time and definitely justified every story choice made or not made around it loooool).

BUT.

BUT BUT BUT.

The problem isn't JUST that DC is stupid, even though that is an eternal mood and quite the problem.

Its that the SECOND large parts of fandom decided to play along with DC and just accept the story at face value, only add to it and play into it exactly as it happened in canon with no significant deviations, and like, heaping on the LITERAL abuse from Dick's siblings while ignoring the LITERAL abuse from his father....

THAT....is when all of this becomes relevant.

Because the second people decided TO engage with the reasoning DC gave for what Bruce did and how and what Dick did and how and just not mess with any of that and have it all play out exactly like that...

The second people are like, okay we're FINE with not just dismissing this story as OOC writing that doesn't make any sense, and actually VALIDATING it to various degrees by engaging with it as is....

That's when 'OOC writing' stops being an excuse or explanation for alllll of the above gaps in character logic and actions.

Because its like, when you had abundant chance to REJECT this story and say nope, this was bullshit from start to finish and I'm not here for it, when you were just as capable of transforming literally ANY aspect of this story you didn't like into something that made more sense to you....

And you chose not to.

That's.....accepting it as valid writing. You were like, okay, I'm game to just treat this as a thing that happened, just like they said that happened.

For the chance to give Dick shit for it, see. For the angst, see.

And that's when I'm like okay cool, so when engaging with this story as is and accepting it on face value and just delving into the characters as they were SHOWN interacting with and around these events......for the angst or whatever....

You guys just all decided en masse to just hop, skip and jump over allllllllll the opportunities for angst inherent in examining even ANY SINGLE ONE of the above lapses in judgment or hypocrisy on the parts of the characters (who don't get to be excused by OOC writing if you're not going to call the story an example of OOC writing, whoops).

And its just like, uh, what's up with that?

#lol thank you for this ask tho #I havent gone on a good Spyral rant in months #it does wonders for my pores

270 notes · View notes

blackspoon99 · 3 years ago

Text

The Sign of Three Pt. 3

Sherlock x Female! Reader

TW: Drinking, Language, Potential Emetophobia (If you’ve seen this episode, you know), Spoilers to Season 3

Part 1

Part 2

Part 4

Part 5

“Of course, there’s hours of material here, but I’ve cut it down to the really good bits.”

Oh god, the stag night. You almost laughed just thinking about it. It was unbelievable that Sherlock was willingly telling this story to an audience. You were fortunate enough to witness some of the events of the night firsthand.

The story began the morning of in Baker Street, 11 am:

It was a Saturday morning, and you were over having tea with Sherlock. For the two of you, “having tea” consisted of you both reading in complete silence while you happened to be drinking tea. It was a common occurrence, and for you, it was a treasured tradition. You were curled up in John’s chair opposite Sherlock. Today, you were reading Emma by Jane Austen. You peeked over at Sherlock to see what he was reading. Sherlock was reading a book titled “Atlas of Forensic Pathology”. Riveting. The book looked so heavy; it would probably go straight through the floor if he dropped it.

You returned to your book. This was probably your third time reading the Jane Austen classic. You were inexplicably drawn to the plot, the message, the love story, all of it. You finally were at your favorite part. When Mr. Knightly said to Emma, “If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.” You looked at Sherlock over the pages of your book. You couldn’t help but consider the relevance of the quote in your own life.

When you first came to terms with the fact that you were in love with Sherlock, the feeling had burned through you. You couldn’t focus and constantly fought the urge to tell him. Possibly because of the several near-death experiences you'd had. After you made up with Sherlock at the engagement party, the feeling persisted but it was almost duller, easier to live with. You’d slowly regained security in Sherlock’s role in your life and you no longer constantly worried he’d leave again. You returned to your version of mundane and your unrequited feelings for Sherlock became the new normal. It had become more of a consistent ache than a burn.

Sherlock interrupted your thoughts: “Shouldn’t it be relatively easy to find a new book to read if you work in a bookstore?”

“True, but I like this one,” you said without looking up from your book.

“Why? What do you gain from reading a convoluted story of questionable morals that provides no useful information?”

You finally put your book down. “Because, I like to read for fun. Maybe you should try it sometime.”

Sherlock smiled and scoffed at you then returned to his book.

You shook your head and downed the rest of your tea. “Okay, I’ve got to go to work.” You got up and took your mug to the kitchen. On your way back to gather your things, you noticed an open file on the kitchen table that looked like a John Watson scrapbook. You pulled the first paper off the stack to see a cutout of John’s head pasted onto the Vitruvian Man. “Sherlock?” you called over your shoulder, “What’s this file for?”

“What file?” He asked.

You picked up the file and carried it back to the living room. You returned to your seat and started thumbing through it.

“Oh. That’s for the stag night,” said Sherlock.

“Stag night? I didn’t think you would want to do that sort of thing”

“Why not?” He swiftly closed his book. If you didn’t know better, you’d take the action as a sign of offense.

“Uh, no reason,” you said hastily. The file was full of peer-reviewed studies on alcohol consumption, detailed chemistry notes, and copies of John’s medical records. The last page was a detailed schedule of where they were going and how much they were going to drink every hour. “This is awfully thorough.”

“I needed to ensure the maximum amount of enjoyment for the both of us for the duration of the night.”

“How considerate of you.” You put the file down and leaned forward. “So, what do you have planned?”

“John and I will be drinking at a pub on every street we ever found a corpse.”

“That is oddly perfect for the both of you.”

“I thought so,” Sherlock said with a grin.

You looked at the time. If you didn’t leave now, you’d be late. “Well, I’m off. See you later, Sherlock.”

“Yes, yes, goodbye,” he mumbled and returned to reading. You left the file on the table, gathered your belongings, and left for your shift.

---------------------------------

Later that evening:

You closed the bookshop at 8 pm and headed to the tube station. As you made your way through the crowded streets, you heard your phone ringing. You dug through your bag to find it as you walked. You saw Sherlock’s name on the caller ID and answered it. Your ears were immediately assaulted by electronic dance music.

You heard Sherlock’s voice first “Shut up John, I’m calling her.” He shouted over the music

“Who?” you then recognized John’s voice.

“Her John, I’m calling her!”

You struggled to hear the call over the booming music “Hello?? Sherlock? Why are you calling me?”

“Oh! It’s y/n! Hello!” John shouted into the phone. You winced at the volume.

“John? Where are you? Are you drunk?”

“Stag night! Sherlock tried to measure my piss. Then he got into a fight.”

“Give me that back” Sherlock’s voice “Y/n meet us back at Baker Street. It’s an ‘mergency”

“What did you say? Sherlock? It’s really hard to hear,”

“Baker Street. Now!” He shouted then hung up.

For a moment, you stood in the street, dumbfounded. It was only 8 pm and both Sherlock and John were piss drunk at some club. You couldn’t even begin to process the rest of the information. So much for Sherlock’s plan, although it did seem like they had “maximized their enjoyment”. You weren’t about to miss this.

——————————

You arrived at Baker Street by 8:30 pm. You opened the door to find Sherlock and John laying across the bottom of the stairs. “Hello boys, I’m here.” You announced.

At the sound of your voice, Sherlock and John scrambled to sit upright. Sherlock fell down a step in the process. You tried your best to suppress your laughter. “So, I’m here. What’s the emergency, Sherlock?”

“Right, you,” He said, raising his arm to point at you. “Upstairs.”

You watched Sherlock and John slowly stand up. John lifted one foot to climb the stairs, then stumbled backward.

“Do you need help, John?” You asked.

“Nah,” he said, “‘s alright, I’m fine. I can do it myself.”

You slowly helped Sherlock and John up and into the flat. Sherlock tried to take off his coat, but his arms got stuck behind him. You giggled and gently pulled his coat off him and hung it on the coat rack. You lead Sherlock over to his chair and he flopped down into it.

You went into the kitchen to get some water for him and John. You figured they’d need it. You searched the cabinets, but there wasn’t a clean glass in sight. You resorted to the clean beakers on the countertops instead. You poured two 250mL beakers most of the way with water and walked them back into the living room. When you returned, Sherlock was sitting in his chair. He was drinking from a glass of scotch.

“Sherlock,” you groaned. “Where did you get that?” You attempted to reach for the glass, but he pulled his hand away, spilling it all over himself.

“It’s okay, this is fine,” he said, staring at his scotch-soaked shirt. “Oh,” he started. “I almost forgot,” Sherlock leaned over the side of his chair to grab something off the floor “You left this,” Sherlock said and handed you your copy of Emma. You hadn’t even realized it was gone.

“That was the emergency?”

“I still don’t understand how you could read this 3 times,” Sherlock slurred. “It’s so- what’s the word? Incorrect? ‘There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart.’ What an absurd thing to say” He contorted his face into an expression of disgust and took a sip of scotch from the glass in his hand.

“You read it? Today?” The fact that Sherlock had gone out of his way to read your favorite book made you unnaturally happy. You knew not to read into the things with Sherlock, but sometimes you couldn’t help yourself.

“You left it behind and I was so bored. Besides, I had to understand why you liked it so much. I still don’t know.”

You leaned over and snatched the glass of scotch from him. “I don’t think that’s the best idea, do you?” You handed him the beaker of water.

“Thank you,” he said with a goofy grin. In all the years you’d known Sherlock, you had never seen him like this. It was odd to say the least yet decidedly hilarious.

“Where’s John?”

Sherlock didn’t answer but pointed in the general direction of the bathroom. You decided to take the seat opposite Sherlock. As you sat down, Sherlock put his water on the floor. He then leaned forward and put his head in his hands, staring at you.

“What are you doing, Sherlock?” you asked.

“You,” he said, pointing at your face “are so hard to figure out sometimes, you know that?”

“Me?”

“It’s soooooo annoying. I can tell what almost everyone is thinking all the time, but not always you.”

“You think I’m hard to read?”

“Yes, you. Y/n L/n.” He waved his hands around while he slightly slurred his words.

“Okay then, how about this: I tell you what I’m thinking right now, and you do the same. Then, for one moment, we can understand each other completely.”

Sherlock furrowed his brow “You first.”

“I’m thinking… that I’m glad you called me.” Sherlock smiled and nodded. You giggled, “Now it’s your turn, and don’t lie to me. What are you thinking in this moment?”

Sherlock paused. “I’m thinking that my shirt’s all wet,” he said with a slight frown.

“That’s your own fault,” you said, putting one hand over your mouth to contain your laughter.

John re-entered the room holding post-it notes and a sharpie. “I’ve just had the best idea,” he said with a sloppy grin.

-----------------------------

The three of you all had post-its stuck to your foreheads, each with names written down. John sat in the client’s seat with the name MADONNA scribbled on the piece of paper stuck to his forehead. Sherlock, much to your enjoyment, had SHERLOCK HOLMES sloppily written on his forehead. As per the game, you had no idea what was written on yours. Sherlock was lounging back in his chair, resting his head on his hand.

“Am I a vegetable?” asked John

“You? Or the thing?” Sherlock asked smiling. The two of them snickered.

“Funny!” said John.

Sherlock looked down and smiled. “Thank you,” he choked out.

“To answer your question, John, no,” you said.

“Your go, Sherlock,” said John.

“Erm…. am I human?” he asked, turning to you.

“Sometimes,” you said with a smirk.

“No, no, it can’t be sometimes, can’t have that…”

“Fine. Yes, you’re human” you confirmed. “My turn. Am I a man?”

“Yeeep” answered John. “Sherlock, you again,” John said, forgetting it was his turn.

“Am I a man?”

John nodded. Sherlock kept going. “Am I a tall man?”

John looked at you and started laughing before he even spoke “Mm, not as tall as people think.” John’s head flopped to the side as he let out a hiccup

“Nice?”

“Ishh,” John said skeptically.

“Clever?”

“I’d say so,” you interjected.

“Do people…” he made air quotes as he spoke the word ‘people’ “... like me?”

“Not really,” you said, chuckling “You tend to rub them the wrong way.” If you had to babysit your adult drunk friends, you might as well have some fun.

“Hm,” Sherlock nodded intently. “Am I the current King of England?”

You and John immediately burst into laughter. “Good guess, Sherlock. But you do know England doesn’t have a king?”

“Don’t we?”

“No,” John said. “Y/n, you go now”

“Right, okay. Am I a friend of ours?”

“Ehh, yes?” Sherlock said.

“Yes, yes they are Sherlock,” said John “Jesus.”

“Well, that narrows it down significantly. Am I Greg?”

“Who’s Greg?” Sherlock asked.

You rolled your eyes and took the post-it off your forehead. The name “Gavin” was written on it in Sherlock’s handwriting. Of course.

“Hey!” Sherlock yelled, “Cheater, that’s cheating. John, did you see that? Y/n’s cheating.” Sherlock got up and took the post-it from your hand. He leaned forward and stuck it back on your forehead. “There. Now it’s John’s turn.”

“Am I a woman?” asked John. He slumped in his seat. Sherlock immediately started giggling. “What?” John asked.

“Yes,” confirmed Sherlock

“Am I a pretty woman?”

“Er, beauty is a construct based entirely on childhood impressions, influences, and role models.”

“But am I pretty?” John asked again.

“Yeah, Sherlock? Is John a pretty woman?”

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know who you’re supposed to be.”

“What?! You picked the name,” John said.

“Ah, but I picked it at random from the papers,” Sherlock said, flailing his arm over to the stack of newspapers in the corner.

“I don’t think you understand the point of this game, Sherlock,” you added.

“So, I am human, I’m not as tall as people think I am ... I’m-I’m nice-ish ... clever, but I tend to rub them up the wrong way.”

“That’s correct,” said John.

“I’m you, aren’t I?” Sherlock asked, pointing to John.

“Ooh-ooh!” Mrs. Hudson chirped as she knocked on the door. “Client!” Behind Mrs. Hudson was a woman wearing a nurse’s outfit with a cardigan over it. You scrambled to take the post-it off your forehead as you stood up.

“Hello, I’m sorry, but this really isn’t a good time—”

Sherlock immediately stood up and interrupted you. “It’s not a bad time, no, no Y/n. We always help a person in need.”

“Do we?” you said with a forced smile and looked over at John for help. John just stared back blankly at you with a goofy drunken smile.

The woman beamed “Thank you,” she said. “Which one of you is Sherlock Holmes?”

John imitated a slide whistle, and pointed to Sherlock’s post-it on his forehead. Sherlock flashed a wide toothy grin. You put your head in your hands in defeat.

----------------------------------------------------------------

A few moments later, you’d made the woman, Tessa, some tea, and you John and Sherlock were sitting on the couch. Sherlock was sat in between you and John. Tessa sat in a chair opposite the three of you.

“I don’t ... a lot ... I mean, I don’t ... date all that much ... and ... he seemed ... nice, you know?”

You looked over at Sherlock and John hoping they could keep it together. John was blinking slowly and heavily while trying to stay awake. Sherlock was listening to Tessa’s story intently.

She continued. “We seemed to automatically connect. We had one night – dinner, such interesting conversation. It was ... lovely. To be honest, I’d love to have gone further ...”

Beside you, Sherlock closed his eyes and began to lean into your shoulder, dozing off. You subtly elbowed him, and he straightened up abruptly.

“But I thought, no, this is special. Let’s take it slowly, exchange numbers. He said he’d get in touch and then ... Maybe he wasn’t quite as keen as I was ...”

You looked over at John who was practically asleep with his eyes open. He had a blank stare and his mouth hung slightly open.

“But I – I just thought ... at least he’d call to say that we were finished,” Tessa concluded, tearing up slightly and looking at the floor. Immediately, Sherlock’s face contorted into an expression of sympathy as he dramatically brought his hand to his mouth. You stared in disbelief and handed Tessa a tissue. “Thank you,” she said to you. “I went round there, to his flat. No trace of him. Mr. Holmes…”

Sherlock leaned forward and rested his head on his hands.

“I honestly think I had dinner ... with a ghost.”

You and Tessa waited to hear what Sherlock had to say. You leaned forward to look at Sherlock and John’s faces only to discover they had both fallen asleep.

“With a ghost, Mr. Holmes!” Tessa repeated, louder.

You sharply elbowed Sherlock in the ribs much harder than before, and he sprung awake. “Boring, boring, boring,” he mumbled, then turned to you and put his hands on either side of your head. “No! fascinating!” He exclaimed, his face right up close to yours. Sherlock then turned to John “John – John! Wake up!” John finally stirred awake.

“I’m up,” he mumbled.

“Apologies about my ... you know ... thing,” Sherlock said, pointing at John. “Rude. Rude!” he yelled straight into your ear. You grimaced at the loud noise and put your hand on Sherlock’s forearm to settle him.

“Yes, that’s enough, Sherlock,” you whispered. “Uhm, go on, Tessa.”

“I checked with the landlord, and the man who lived there died. Heart attack. And there we are, having dinner one week on.” She turned and began to rummage through her purse. She pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper and handed it to Sherlock. You grabbed it before he could take it. It was a print-out of an online chatroom. “And I found this thing online, sort of chatroom thing for girls who think they’re dating men from the spirit world.”

You nodded. This actually seemed like a decent case. Too bad Sherlock and John probably wouldn’t remember one word of it tomorrow. Sherlock tried to stand up next to you, wobbled, and then put one hand on the top of your head to steady himself. You groaned and struggled to untangle his hand from your hair.

“Don’t worry. I’ll find him in ten minutes,” Sherlock said confidently. Tessa smiled in relief. “What’s your dog’s name?”

You facepalmed and stood up next to Sherlock. He leaned over to wake up John. “John! Wake up! We’re meant to ... The game’s ... something” he said, waving his hand around.

“On!” yelled John.

“Yes, that,” Sherlock said, walking out the door. “Come on, Y/n.”

“Wait, Sherlock. Where are you going?” You protested, following him down the stairs.

“That’s a good question. Where are we going?” he asked Tessa in the foyer.

“Oh! Well, I suppose we ought to go to his flat,” Tessa said.

“Sherlock, no,” you said, “You can’t leave...” you looked off the the side awkwardly “…like this.” He ignored you and dragged John out to the sidewalk by his sweater sleeve. He stepped out into the street and hailed down a cab.

“40a, Jasmine Grove,” interjected Tessa as the cab pulled up.

“Are you coming Y/n?” Sherlock slurred.

“No!” you yelled. “And neither are you.” Before you could reach him, Sherlock climbed into the cab after John and Tessa and slammed the cab door in your face. The car drove off.

“Come on, really?!” you yelled in frustration. Now you had to follow them. You ran to the edge of the sidewalk and decided to call a cab for yourself.

--------------------------------------------------------

You finally made it to the apartment to see Tessa and a man you presumed to be the landlord standing by the door. It was a rather modern apartment with exposed brick and abstract furniture. John was standing in the corner with his hands crossed over his chest and his lips pursed. He was swaying slightly, trying to keep his balance. You pushed past the landlord to see Sherlock kneeling on a shag carpet holding his pocket magnifier. As soon as you walked in, he face-planted into the carpet and passed out.

“He’s clueing for looks” John announced, proudly.

“Oh god,” you said, scrambling over to Sherlock. You grabbed his upper arm and tried to pull him up. God, he was heavy.

“That’s it, I’m calling the police.” The landlord pulled out his cell phone.

“No, no, please, that won’t be necessary,” you protested.

“This is a famous detective. It’s Sherlock Holmes and his partner, John Hamish Watson,” Tessa clarified.

You finally managed to get Sherlock to straighten up. “When did you get here?” Sherlock asked, looking up at you. Then, he bent over and immediately threw up on the carpet.

“Ugh why?” you groaned and plugged your nose. Sherlock wiped his mouth on his sleeve and then clicked his magnifier shut.

------------------------------------------------------

The next morning…

The landlord had called the police and the night ended with you watching Sherlock and John being driven away in the back of a police car. You’d immediately called Greg hoping he’d let them go. Greg had said the best he could do was try and let them off with a warning if they spent the night in the drunk tank. When the station opened, Greg sent you a photo of Sherlock and John asleep in a cell with the caption “Come and get ‘em!”

You walked into Scotland Yard and Greg was there to meet you. “Thank you, Greg,” you said, handing him one of the 4 coffees you’d brought.

“God, what on earth happened to them?” Greg asked, taking a sip from the coffee you gave him.

“Stag night got a bit out of hand,” you said. “Afraid I lost control of the situation.”

“You can say that again,” agreed Greg as the two of you walked through the station to the drunk tank.

“Rise and Shine!” Greg bellowed as he swung open the door. John was awake and sitting on the floor. He had his hands on his head while Sherlock was still fast asleep on the bench.

“Oh my god,” John said, grimacing in pain. “Is that Greg?”

“Get up,” he said “Y/n’s come to collect you. Managed to square things with the desk sergeant.” John painfully and slowly got up. “What a couple of lightweights! Y/n said you couldn’t even make it to closing time!”

“Yeah, could you whisper?” John asked.

“NOT REALLY!” Greg shouted straight into his ear. Across the cell, Sherlock jolted awake, mouth wide open in shock. He tried to stand up, then fell backward back onto the bench. You walked over and helped him up.

“There you go, Sherlock. Nice and easy,” you said quietly and handed him one of the coffees. He took it and stumbled out of the cell, head down. He looked like hell, not to mention the way he smelled. You caught up to John and handed him one of the remaining coffees, leaving the last for yourself. You took a sip of your coffee and continued down the hall.

“Well, thanks for a ... you know ... an evening,” John said to Sherlock.

“Oh, it was awful,” Sherlock said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I was gonna pretend, but it was, truly,” said John. He then turned to you. “Y/n, I am so sorry, that was—”

“It’s okay, I had fun,” you said with a smile.

“At least someone did,” said Sherlock. “That woman, Tessa, dated a ghost. The most interesting case for months. What a wasted opportunity.”

“Really? That’s your takeaway from this?” you asked. He shrugged. “Come on, boys, let’s get you home.”

A/N: Stag night! I love this part of the episode, so I hope I did it justice. Funny story. When I was writing this, I was trying to find real book titles for Sherlock to read and I came across a real book titled “Surrounded by Idiots” I wanted to use it in the story SO BAD but it was so perfect, that it sounded cheesy and made up lmao. I’m 100% certain Sherlock would have it in his bookcase though.

Taglist: @the-chaotic-cow @amoeebaa @scorpios-echos @sad-bitch-h0ur @drifting-away-in-space @that-thing-in-the-graveyard

#bbc sherlock #bbc sherlock x reader #bbc sherlock x you #Sherlock #Sherlock Holmes #sherlock imagine #sherlockxreader #sherlock x reader #sherlock x y/n #sherlock x you #Sherlock Holmes x Reader #sherlock holmes x you #the sign of three

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awigglycultist · 3 years ago

Note

(Slight spoilers for Elite Force below, but, like, the show genuinely ruins both shows so eh)

(Death tw)

Okay so it never actually happened in Elite Force because one of the characters supposedly kicked the bucket as far as we know which I will never not be mad about especially since Mighty Med still had an entire story line that needed to be completed that was completely brushed aside for EF and also the character I'm talking about was by far one of the best characters in the entire show and I'm getting offtopic but you feel my anger and pain.

(Death tw end)

Anyway, his name is Doctor Horace Diaz, he's the head of Mighty Med and is also the superhero Caduceo. He's a goofball and I love him.

Now, in Lab Rats, I am going to hope you know who Douglas Davenport is and skip the explanation of all of that. He's a chaotic mess and I love him.

A very long time ago I made a dumb post about "Hey, wouldn't it be funny if Horace and Douglas got together?" and created a shipname for them (Dorace). At the time I had yet to realize that jokingly shipping something always leads to actually shipping it, and, uh, I think me, blue, and cinnamonzor popularized it through random headcanons and a bunch of quotes submitted to the incorrect quotes blog.

Their entire dynamic is just "I would never say that my husband is a bitch and that I don't like him, I could never. My husband is a bitch!! And I love him VERY MUCH!!" and "I have very high standards and-" *guy 2 trips down a float of stairs and proceeds to burn his hand on the kitchen stove somehow* "I want that one" except you can't tell who is saying what because it works equally for both of them. They're adorable idiots, your honor.

They are both on opposite ends of the chaotic good spectrum, which means that dates usually end in either crimes or cuddles and sometimes both. They are also both incredibly smart so they have the ability to get away with a lot of the shit that they pull.

They also both have a bunch of kids so they are the Dad Duo™. They are pretty good parents most of the time and put Donald to more shame than he already has. They're just so amazing, your honor.

(Abuse tw)

Douglas is already incredibly queer coded in canon, too, is the thing. I'm, like, 99% sure that Giselle in Season 4 of Lab Rats was added just to straighten him out a bit, which, like Moira McTaggert to Charles Xavier, it didn't fucking work.

Anyway, throughout Season 3 of the show, while Douglas is still evil, he's working alongside this guy named Victor Krane, and WOO BOY ARE THESE TWO GAY.

They went as Brad and Angelina for Halloween, there are many cases of which Douglas talks to and about Krane as if they have been dating and depending on how you look at it even MARRIED, and they're just gay.

But also, like, on top of all of this, it has been outright said and implied many times that Krane tortured Douglas?? Which would be a fine little "ha ha deranged villain" joke for a show aimed at a bunch of 8-12 year olds if it wasn't for the fact that they have a HEAVILY QUEER CODED RELATIONSHIP. Douglas talks about how Krane regularly electrocuted him in one episode while Donald is messing with him and it's played off for laughs but just??? It's not funny.

Anyway what I'm trying to say is that this man also 100% has a bunch of issues that he needs to work through and probably projects these issues onto Horace in some way or another. He's just scared of a relationship in general, and actually being in one, as great as it is, is outright terrifying and he feels like he's walking on egg shells.

[Please note that I'm not trying to turn actual abuse into something that is purely explored to cause romantic relationship tension and that having trouble with it is crazy and makes the victim a bad person. I have explored these things in many other ways with this character, and recognize that, with real people, it is so much more varied than this. Felt like this should be specified.]

(Abuse tw end)

(Death tw again)

Now, back to Horace, I mentioned earlier that Horace is a goofball. And, like, I mean this way too literally. Again, I do understand that this is a show aimed at 8-12 year olds, but god damn sometimes it's just unsettling and straight up concerning.

Like, there's this one time in the show where everyone in Mighty Med is almost killed due to some mind control thing and then when they all snap out of it, the first thing Horace does is either start a conga line or start a game of limbo (I forget which one because the other happened at a different time).

Also, the way he treats his nephew isn't ideal, to put it lightly, but there are some moments where he proves that he genuinely does care about him. He also reiterates throughout the series that one of the reasons that he doesn't treat Alan (his newphew) is that he doesn't believe that he's enough of a father to him because he's not his real father. In the end it just kind of creates the effect that he's trying to distance himself from those closest to him.

The most important detail that I haven't mentioned yet is that he's immortal. Like, actually immortal. Really immortal. 3,006 years old immortal. He's had to live for such a long time, watching the people that he's grown close to continuously die, time and time again, while he's stuck jut not being able to die.

So, my point is that Horace is definitely not as sunshine-y as he seems and the way he acts on a regular basis could very well, at least partly, just be a coping mechanism of some sort. After living for so long, it makes sense that he has trouble being able to become close to people.

(Death tw end again)

Basically, there's a lot of angst potential with these two as well as fluff.

This got way longer than intended, so sorry about that.

(@blueskiesandstarrynights is actually the reason that more than half of the stuff in this ask is actually in the ask. If you scroll through the Dorace tag on here you'll find all our posts discussing these two.)

OMG I FORGOT ABOUT HORACE

Yes I totally support this

(also it's totally fine that this was long)

#inbox

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kanene-yaaay · 3 years ago

Text

5+1 - [Part 2]

5 times Iida was tickled and the one he wasn’t

[PART ONE]

Kanene’s note: What a helloooo! I am baack! Gosh, look at me! Having a posting schedule! Who would say, huh? xDD Well, I hope you like this >u<

Warnings, fun facts, random things and stuff:

* This characters don’t belongs to me! They all belong to the anime/manga Boku no Hero.

* This is a SFW tickle fanfic with family tickles, so, if you don’t appreciate this kind of content, please, look for another blog. There are a plenty of very greeat arts in this site!! ^w^)b

* This is Lee!Iida with Ler!Aizawa and Nemuri sprinkling some tease here and there. All relationships are platonic. Around 1.500 words.

* Sorry for any spelling, pontuation and grammar mistakes! Any and every advice is very very welcome! \(-w-)/

* Look at the window and find something that is worth smiling for. Don’t forget to drink water, sleep and eat! <33

[~*~]

“Iida Tenya.”

“Ooooh noo,” Nemuri added from the spot on the floor where she sat, pampering and spoiling Shouta’s cats with plenty of snacks, a sharp grin gleaming at the boy who came running from the kitchen and now looked from a side to another with a panicked expression on his face, fast to move his arms in an ‘abort mission’ sign to the woman. “Looks like someone is in trouble! ~”

“Nemuri-san, please I ask for you to control your voice!!” Tenya whispered in a volume that most people would categorize as a shout, especially with Shouta’s hero trained hearing. Nemuri, though, just expanded her wicked grin as the nine old boy didn’t realize the dark figure arriving right behind him. “He can’t know I am here!”

“Aw, my dear,” she pouted in fake empathy at Iida’s inevitable fate, scratching Pudding under her chin, her loud motor like purring echoing in the silence. “But Shouta already knows.” Iida stilled as a statue when a shadow loomed over him, starting to turn around, slowly. “He always knows.”

“Gotcha.”

His quirk activated a second before Aizawa erased it with his own, making the blue haired one stumble on his own legs, almost falling on the ground if it wasn’t for the arms that grabbed him in a firm hug, fingers worming their way to his armpits, prodding and digging on the awfully ticklish flesh there.

“What,” Shouta started, with a tune that tipped on bored, his plain face contrasting to the smaller’s puffed cheeks as he wiggled and shook with the contained giggles. “Did I say about my orange flavored jelly packs, huh?”

“Aww, is the itsy bitsy Tenya ticklish? Can’t he take all the tickly-tickly-tickly tickles his favorite grumpy uncle gives to him? Huh? Aww, my poor ticklish boy.” Nemuri teased, ignoring the glare her friend sent on her direction in favor to stare at Tenya, who went redder at her words, a couple of squeaky snorts escaping from his lips.

“I will remind you what I said about eating my jellies without permission: don’t. Never. Do not look. Do not touch and especially, do not even think about eating it.” Aizawa highlighted the last phrase by blowing a raspberry right behind Iida’s neck, leading the boy to squeal, uncontrolled laughter following it almost immediately. The taller man did his best to keep a serious face, principally as the arms of his ‘victim’ rocked up and down, from the left to the right and in random patterns without even being able to get themselves enough control to attempt to stop him. “And you did, so now you will face the consequences. It’s only logical.”

“A-Aizahahazawa-san I, I cahahahAAH!” Shout cut the other’s protest by throwing him in the air, resting his hands on his sides when he caught him again, slightly clawing his stomach with his fingers, fishing uncontrollable, bubbly giggles from him. “Please, please! I can-'' Snort. “I can ehehexplain!” Yelp. Half words, Half pleas. Giggles. Giggles. Giggles. “I hahahave the right, Aizawa-sahahahan!”

Shouta contented himself in making the younger squirm – left, right, left, left, right and repeat – from a side to another by tapping his fingers on his sides repeatedly, sometimes giving a quick scratch only to gain another yelp, pretending to think about the proposal for a little less than a minute.

“No.” He decided, spidering his fingers merciless on the death spot. Iida threw his head back, crackles flying from him in a waterfall of shrieks and squeaks.

“Come one, Shou! Let the boy speak! As much I love this lovely, absolutely adorable laughter that makes you want to tickle and tickle him forever and ever, and aww, wouldn’t you love it, my dear? To get all the tiggles-tickles you could ever want for all eternity?” Iida kicked and shook his head in protest, more pleas falling from him, face and neck in flames. “I think he has the right to defend himself.”

“Which side are you?”

“No side deserves my awesome presence.” Aizawa rolled his eyes. “What is the matter, Shou? Afraid that you will lose in a logical battle with baby Tenya?”

“Ihihihi am NOT ahahaha baby!!” Iida protested through his hysterical laughter, nothing giving him more strength than correct factually incorrect statements. “I ahahahaham a very hehehealthy chihihihih- – No! Not there! – chihihihild! Mom said so!”

Nemuri hid her snickers behind her hands, receiving a very unamused yowl from Pudding, the cat demanding her to come back to her ear scritches immediately. The woman resumed to her wishes.

Shouta recognized a bait when he heard one, but watching the way tears started to appear in the corner of the younger’s eyes, he decided to bite it.

He adjusted him so the boy would be resting on his hips, his hand resting calmly on his ribs, a much less ticklish spot.

“You have fifty seconds.”

“WHAT!” Iida stared at him in disbelief, turning to look at Kayama in the search of reinforcements, and being gifted with nothing more than a joyful shrug, his brother’s best friend being very glad in just watch the chaos unraveling in front of her and, unnoticed by the other two who were caught up on the silliness, the camera carefully hidden behind Pudding’s fluffy form. “That ihihisn’t even a minute! It’s impossiblehe to mahahake a good defehense under this condici- conditionaries… undeheher that pressure!”

“Conditions.” Aizawa offered, “and heroes work under pressure. You want to be one when you grow up, right?”

“Yes!” Iida’s smile got even bigger than it already was, his eyes also becoming even brighter, shining with the determination of his new challenge.

“Good,” the tired adult smirked, starting to count with his fingers as the seconds went by. “Start to talk then.”

Tenya tried to clear his mind, together with keeping his resolve strong enough to not visibly squirm or titter every time Aizawa made any infinitesimal move. He never thought he would really be able to convince his uncle to let him make a true attempt to escape from this, therefore he didn’t possess any good enough reason to explain besides the ‘it was orange flavored and oranges are delicious!’

A sentence pulled him out of the frenzy of thoughts dashing on his brain at full speed. “You have twelve seconds now.”

“WHAT!” Tenya cried, seriously thinking about just pushing Shouta’s arms away and trying to run to the safety of the guest room.

“You seem to have a problem keeping track of the time.” The small kid nodded at his direction and Aizawa almost felt bad by his next move.

Almost.

“Let me help you, then.”

The underground hero poked an index finger on the lowest rib, vibrating on the sensitive spot for a few pieces of second, tearing a sputtering guffaw as Iida realized the true meaning of his words. “One.” He pressed another rib, and another, and another. “Two. Three. Four…”

“Noho! Wait! Wait!!”

“Five… Six. Seven…”

“Oops. It looks like you’re running out of time, sweetheart.” Nemuri added, unhelpfully. “Well, let’s just hope the mean Shouta won’t attack those awfully ticklish knees of yours when the time is over, right?”

“NOHOT MY KNEHES!”

“Good luck. Ten. Eleven. Twel-”

“YOULIED!”

Aizawa stopped.

“What?” He blinked one, two, three times. As if the meaning of the rushed words would become clearer. “No. I hid it and I was very clear in saying you couldn’t touch it. There is no lie here.”

“There is! A lie of omiz-” Iida closed his eyes, concentrating on the word and controlling the few giggles that still slipped from his mouth. He wanted to be a hero and heroes succeed through the pressure! “omission! Which means hiding! You hid the information so you were lying to me, so I… I… I taught you a lesson!”

They stared at each other for what seemed a lifetime.

Aizawa huffed a chuckle, lowering the boy to the ground, trying to not be blinded by the excitement and proudness exhaling from the younger when he realized that he succeeded in “logicing” his way out of the playful “punishment”, beaming on the ball of his feet at both adults.

“Good. In a fight, using your opponents’ words against them can be an important tool. Also, as a physical opening, don’t forget that I was carrying you, which means that if you hit the back of my knees hard enough I would weaken my grip and that would give you the opportunity to run. I would try to not hurt you when I fell, so that is also a weakness you could exploit.” After a thought, he added. “Try to do that the next time Hizashi tickles you.”

“You are a bastard.” Kayama replied, earning an exasperated gasp from Tenya. “Not you, dear. I am talking about Shouta.” That did nothing to alleviate the boy’s rebellion, his lecture of how ‘This isn’t the proper vocabulary of a hero’ was soon interrupted as the apartment door flew open, Ingenium walking through it. He immediately extended his arms, hugging his brother when the aforementioned jumped on him, part of the exhaustion of a day’s work being eased by the younger attics.

“Tensei! Tensei! I already did all my homework and I brushed my teeth and I played with the cats so they would not be sad or bored and I ate all my greenies and also-”

“-ate all my orange jelly packs.” Aizawa completed.

“And Aizawa-san tickled me because of it! Using very villainous techniques even though he is a very good and skilled hero! But then I won! I showed him logic and, and, and then he let me go!”

“Oof, that sounds like a very exciting day!” Tensei ruffled the boy’s hair, fondness dripping in waves from his acts and words. “But you don’t need to worry anymore about Shouta, the Grumpy Tickle Monster because now I am here!” Tensei posed in a poor representation of All Might's usual pose. “Ready to protect you!”

“Oh.” A dangerous tune marked Shouta’s grin and voice, making the blue haired hero to shiver with all the teenagerhood memories that this brought over. “Don’t get over yourself, assuming you’re out of danger, too.”

A wobbly smile took over Tensei's expression as Shouta cracked his knuckles, preparing himself for a chase. “Don’t think I don’t know exactly who told him where I hid my jelly packs.” The older Iida got his younger brother on his arms, flexing his legs, preparing to not give up so easily.

Aizawa decided he was feeling merciful today.

“You have three seconds.” Iida gasped in protest, an argument on the tip of his tongue. “Run.”

#Playful tickles #!#Aizawa the tickle monster is back/lh #xDD #Nemuri is there to tease and see some chaos #Lee!Iida #Ticklish!Iida #Ler!Aizawa #Bnha tickles #Bnha tickling #Kanene's fic #Kanene's Fanfic #5+1 fic #Kid!Tenya #Nemuri and Tensei make a quick appearence but techinically don't participate of the tickling part #I am with some mean headache and stuff so sdfghyujidfjh no rambling tags today

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meteor752 · 3 years ago

Text

Dsmp Hogwarts AU, except it’s all the characters and I go into why they are what they are, please reblog this took a long ass time

Man, what a title Huh? Anyways, this will obviously go over the characters and not the content creators, because in some cases those are vastly different

Also, before we start, I will go over an important thing that I will mention probably a few times, and that is the difference between Hufflepuff Loyalty and Slytherin Loyalty.

Both of these houses value loyalty, but in very different ways. Take for example that you’re a spy who has their best friend as their partner, and you’re out on some super important mission. Let’s also say that your partner got shot and is close to death, and the only way to save them would be to abandon the mission entirely.

A Hufflepuff would try to complete the mission because it would be the best for all, while the Slytherin would abandon the mission despite the fact that it could result in countless deaths, just to save their friend.

See it as Selfish Loyalty vs Selfless loyalty. Both are great things to have, but are still different.

Anyways, on with the show

Tomathy Danger Kraken Careful Innit

I have seen people try to argue that this boy is a Hufflepuff because of his loyalty and such, but gosh darnit everyone this child is a god damn Gryffindor. I mean, one of his main character traits is that he’s brash and too brave for his own good. The reason he got fucking exiled is because he burned down George’s house without thinking of the consequences, and then just screamed at Dream without thinking of the consequences. The same goes for Ghostbur’s “death”, it was because he had no real plan except Stab Dream with an axe. So yeah, Gryffindor

Wilbur Soot

Slytherin, 100%. This man has created one and a half nation, one entirely out of spite, he was both a general and a president, he’s a smart lil fella, and he managed to hold his own against the god of the server. I don’t even thing you guys wanna argue with me here

Tuberculosis Underscore

This one is tricky, because it’s really between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw for me. Like, he does possess the Hufflepuff loyalty™ plus he is very kind, but he’s also one of the more logical and observant characters we have in this server (The bar is very low let me tell ya). But I think I will have to go with Ravenclaw, just because like, the boy invented nukes. He built fucking nukes. So yeah, a very chaotic Ravenclaw that will spout bee facts at you, be prepared

Technoblade

My man is a Ravenclaw, no doubt about it. I mean, he started talking about an old greek myth in the middle of a war? Just Ravenclaw things amiright?

Philza Minecraft

I will have to go with Slytherin on this one, simply because of the large amount of Slytherin Loyalty, but also because of his cunningness and resourcefulness, but for real this was very tricky, simply because I don’t like to think about c!Phil too much because as some of you may know, I kinda hate him (Not the cc though, obvs, he’s awesome)

Ranboo My Beloved

Hufflepuff. This boy’s ideology is literally “Choose people, not sides”, he’s an honest and compassionate boy who works hard, and has a very open mind. He’s literally the by the book Hufflepuff

Eret

Honestly, Slytherin. I mean, they are ambitious as fuck, both shown by them betraying L’Manburg for the throne, but also by working hard towards their redemption arc. They are also a good leader of the smp, and in general a great role model to have

Nikki Nihachu

This one is actually difficult, simply because Nikki has gone through quite the character arc the past couple of months. She started out kind, sweet and loyal, a classic Hufflepuff. Then she joined the syndicate and straight up tried to kill a child, which is less Hufflepuff but who am I to judge. But in her core, as seen through her discussion with Jack about Tommy’s revival, she is still a good person that works hard for what she believes in, wants the best for everyone (Despite sometimes working in her best self interest) remains kind through it all. So yeah, Nikki is a Hufflepuff, just a bit of a sadistic one. But we can’t all be perfect ya know?

Fun Jonathan Michael Vincent Georgina James Sus Dy Soot

Ah, my favorite character, and also one of the best examples of a Ravenclaw. And I ain’t saying that just cuz I’m a Ravenclaw, Fundy is one of the most Ravenclaw characters out there. He’s creative, Clever, Spontaneous, Witty, Curious, Sharp, and a real trickster. The idea of Ravenclaws being the goody two shoes kids that always does their school work is just false, we never do our Homework and instead sit and read about things we find interesting, and Fundy is a good example of that. Also he was quite the eager learner during the Dreamon Hunters arc, which again is a good example of a Ravenclaw. So if Ranboo is the by the book Hufflepuff, then Fundy is the by the book Ravenclaw.

Dreamwastaken

I’m pretty sure it’s confirmed that Dream is actually a Slytherin, and I ain’t arguing with that. This boy is cunning, sly, a leader, traditional, Self-Preserving, and a master with words. There is not much more to say here, apart from the fact that Slytherins main colour is literally green, so it all checks out, this boy is a snake.

George Lore

Mr not found over here really is hard to pinpoint down, simply because his main character trait is his apathy, which isn’t really a trait for any of the houses. I was discussing this one with my girlfriend, and both of us were pretty clueless of what to do with him. I was thinking if Hufflepuff since they take the ones that don’t fit anywhere else, but then I was reminded of the most recent Dream XD stream, which showed us one thing, and that is that George is clever, observant, and Sharp Minded, all the traits of a Ravenclaw. Sure, he could also be Slytherin as he was both cunning and sly as well, but I think Ravenclaw fits him more personally.

Sappitus Nappitus Boyhalo

Finally we have another Gryffindor, there’s been a serious lack of them on the list. My man is a fighter, he’s bold, he’s brave, he’s passionate, he’s confident, and he doesn’t really think that much of the consequences of his actions (Cough the pet war cough), so yeah this boy a lion.

Punz

Ah, Punzie, the mercenary themself. Tbh, I know very little about them because Punz don’t get involved that much in lore unless they are hired for something. I mean, they were in the eggpire, but even then they were barely involved, which is sad cuz I like Punz. But what we have seen of Punz is that they are someone who does not care about you or what you want, as long as you pay them. They are power hungry and self preserving, which means that I have to put them in Slytherin.

Jack Thunder1408 TV Manifold

The boy who I can’t help but be sympathetic towards. Jack is also a hard character to pin point because of the reason that he’s gone through quite the development. Jackie boy is a very broken character that has literally been through hell, so it’s hard to properly sort him. He’s quite confident and clever, yet cunning and resourceful, so for me it’s either Slytherin or Gryffindor. But I do lean towards Gryffindor more, partly because of his stubbornness and gullibility, and part because of all the fire imagery that’s associated with him. I mean, the cc described him as burning inside, he’s been through the scape of fire and death, and he burnt his nation to the ground. In case you didn’t know, Fire is the element of Gryffindor, so yeah, another red and gold boy.

JSchlatt

Schlatt is as both charming, charismatic and calm in the early days, using subtle manipulation tactics to get his way and achieve ultimate power. He’s ambitious, narcissistic, cunning, and tyrannical, while still hiding it all behind a facade of smiles and waves. He could also be both cruel and irresponsible at times, aka the time he had an underage child drink during an event, but ya know, mistakes. So all in all, I think it’s pretty clear that he’s a Snakey boy.

QuackityHQ

As much as I love CC!Quackity, I also fucking hate him because of the many, many different directions he’s taken this character which makes it possible for him to fit in literally any of the houses. The duckie is both Chaotic and lawful, he’s both friendly and hostile, he’s a smart cookie and a fucking dumbass, so like bruh. But, I’m gonna have to go with how he is now, which is manipulative, power hungry, cruel, and strong willed. Aka, another Slytherin.

Karl Jacobs

Finally, a character that is not broken down to the point of barely making out a readable personality. Karl is a kind and funny person, who is very open to new people considering how often he gives tours to visitors and new people, and he is quite literally loosing himself traveling through time in an attempt to help people. Hufflepuff

Awesamdude

This one I know will be controversial, but I’m saying Hufflepuff on him. Sam is one of the best cases of the Hufflepuff loyalty, literally letting both Tommy and Ghostbur be stuck and ultimately die in the prison just so he wouldn’t risk Dream breaking out. Before that point he was very kind and gentle towards Tommy, literally building a robot to keep him safe and take care of him. Sam nook is a reflection of Sam’s feelings towards Tommy, and they are kind and gentle.

Dropsbyponk

Ughhhh, another tough one. Ponk is a chaotic being who is mostly neutral in conflicts, but is shown to be very open about their feelings towards those they care about, like Sam or Foolish. They seem to be have strong feelings in what they believe in, and can be a bit brash sometimes, not really caring about the consequences of their actions, which is what makes me say Gryffindor for them.

Badboyhalo

Our favorite muffin demon. I assume, I don’t know what life you live. Anyways, Bad is like the stereotypical Hufflepuff. The kindhearted, well meaning, sweet, responsible Hufflepuff. The Hufflepuff that’s like in all of those incorrect quotes blogs and “Slytherin and Hufflepuff friendships uwu” posts. But for real, Bad is very Hufflepuff. He does however have Slytherin Loyalty, considering he pretty much sacrificed the entire server for Skeppy, but if you would try to convince me that Bad is a Slytherin I will just laugh at you

Skeppy

It was at this point I realized what I’ve gotten myself into with this post, which you know, not fun. Skeppy is both cocky and filled with energy, with a real ambition to cause chaos. He’s also shown to be willing to sacrifice himself for the person he loves, Bad, when he gave himself up to the egg. I’ve seen some people say Slytherin, but I’m kinda getting Gryffindor from the lad, so yeah, another lion.

Antfrost

Frosty here is a kind hearted person that for the most part seem to be along for the ride. He reminds me a bit of a parent of toddlers, with his patience and serenity towards the more chaotic people on the server, so of course my natural instinct is Hufflepuff. Buuuuut, then there’s again the issue with the egg and the Slytherin loyalty, this time towards his boyfriend Velvet who he was willing to join a cult for (relationship goals) but again, you can’t really say Ant is a Slytherin considering how wrecked he was about what he did while in the eggpire when he was released from it’s grasp. So yeah, Puffle boy

Captain Puffy

Oh captain my captain, you are such a Gryffindor. And some of you may disagree on that, stating that she’s a Hufflepuff or something (I did research before this to check what other people think, I know) but naaah, she a lion. Puffy is very motherly and protective towards other people on the server, especially the minors, but in the way that a Bear is protective towards its cub, which is gentle towards them but fierce towards others. Puffy also falls natural in the role of a leader as seen with Pro-Omelette, but that is kinda expected since she’s a past Pirate Captain. But she wasn’t the leader she was supposed to be, as she waited quite a while to act against the eggpire out of fear of hurting her friends, which lead to quite the damage towards the rest of the server. She’s also been shown to act on impulse, killing Antfrost and taking one of his lives after he killed her son. Idk if this is a good explanation of why I believe Puffy to be a Gryffindor, it sounds more like I’m claiming her to be a Slytherin or Hufflepuff, but she is a Gryffindor I promise!

Foolish Gamers

Foolish is a kind and friendly being, if not a bit naive and easily distracted. He’s also not the brightest person, in fact I’d go as far as to call the guy a Himbo, and he can be a bit skittish sometimes if he’s stressed or haven’t taken a break in a while. But despite it all, the guy is someone who’s creative and hard working, with a brilliant mind for his building. The man is an artist who can get grumpy if you suppress his creative aura, and put his heart and soul into his works. He also has a habit of getting wrapped up in big projects, and ignoring sleep or personal care until he’s finished them. This all leads me to say that Mr Gamers is a Ravenclaw, just not the smartest one. But hey, we can’t all be geniuses, can we.

Slimecicle

Slime is very naive and very trusting towards people around him, taking every word they say as a fact. He can also be a bit dark and ominous at times, but quickly shakes it off as nothing important. This all makes him quite childish, which is very hard to sort, so I’m gonna say Hufflepuff for his friendliness and move on.

Purpled Bedwars

I actually started loving this guy the minute I saw him, purely because Purple is my favorite colour, like my man has taste. Purpled, like Punz, is a guy who helps whoever pays him the most. He’s not interested in most things on the server, too busy looking out for number one (And Dogchamp of course). He’s very self reliant and resourceful, but still quite passive. He may not be the most ambitious guy, but Purpled is definitely a Slytherin (It also brings me and my girlfriend Serotonin knowing that the mercenary siblings are both in the same house, we love those two)

Hannahxxrose

I don’t watch Hannah that much, but god I love her voice, it makes my lesbian little heart happy. Hannah is a friendly person who is very naive about the conflicts on the server, thinking it all can can be solved by placing a rose (God I wish). She’s a good decorator and a good hearted person, who unfortunately fell victim to the egg’s influence. I’m going with Hufflepuff on her, but I’m honestly not entirely sure as I don’t know that much about her.

HBomb94

H is a very well meaning person that only really wants people to be friendly towards each other. He had a strict moral code and he keeps to it, as shown where Fundy tried to get his help with blowing shit up. He’s very helpful to those who ask and is willing to back up his friends when it’s needed, which makes me say that the friendly totally not dirty cat maid is a Hufflepuff.

Connoreatspants

I just want you all to know that I’m writing this before Connor’s lore stream that surely will just go against everything I say because fate hates me, just so ya know. Connor is not a person that does stuff on the server with lore and he for the most part keeps to himself, so this is a bit hard. Connor also has this thing where he likes to say things just to confuse him, and also making a bit of cursed lore, but he’s still a fairly humble person. He does lie and steal a bit, and has this habit of moving into other people’s houses, but I digress. I’m actually leaning towards Ravenclaw on him, for some reason, so that’s what I’m going with until I have more of an established character.

ItsAlyssa

I know she has left the server and stuff, but she was one of the original members so it would be a crime not to include her. Alyssa is a bit chaotic, often going on killing sprees, or burning down the trees outside of L’Manburg. So I’m placing Alyssa in Gryffindor, but to be honest I don’t really know at this point.

Callahan

How do you sort a person who does not speak, stream, or show like anything of his personality? The answer is, you don’t. Hufflepuff is the house of those who don’t fit in anywhere else, and that’s where I’m placing him.

Vikkstar123

Please log onto the server I’m begging you, I didn’t watch you as a kid and honestly know nothing about you. From what I’ve seen of Vik he’s a very humble person that tries to stay out of it all, instead forming a land together with his bro Lazar. Honestly my instincts say Ravenclaw and I trust my instincts, so I’m putting him in Ravenclaw

Lazarbeam

Lazar was actually a big part of the exile arc which I realized after already have written his, so now I gotta rewrite it. Lazar is fairly ambitious on the server, and has the goal to obtain the most powerful objects on the server just to rival the other strong members of the smp. He’s especially against Tommy, and aims to do a lot to be the opposite of him, aka well respected and not a war criminal that got exiled (Totally fair goal). Despite that, he was able to show some empathy to the British child, even going as far as to give him a disk during his exile. This all makes me say Slytherin on him.

Michaelmcchill

Newest boy. Michael is a very apathetic person, showing little to no empathy towards most people’s trauma on the server. The person he does feel empathy for however is Dream, who of course did nothing wrong and is locked up in the prison which is just horrible oh no. Michael just truly does not care about what you’ve been through (as of now) which is why I’m gonna say Slytherin, because he does have Slytherin loyalty towards Mr Was Taken.

TL;DR

Tommy-Lion

Wilbur-Snake

Tubbo-Eagle

Techno-Eagle

Philza-Snake

Ranboo-Badger

Eret-Snake

Nikki-Badger

Fundy-Eagle

Dream-Snake

George-Eagle

Sapnap-Lion

Punz-Snake

Jack-Lion

Schlatt-Snake

Quackity-Snake

Karl-Badger

Sam-Badger

Ponk-Lion

Bad-Badger

Skeppy-Lion

Antfrost-Badger

Puffy-Lion

Foolish-Eagle

Slime-Badger

Purpled-Snake

Hannah-Badger

HBomb-Badger

Connor-Eagle

Alyssa-Lion

Callahan-Badger

Vik-Eagle

Lazar-Snake

Michael-Snake

So all together we have Seven lions, Ten Snakes, Seven Eagles and Ten Badgers. I think that’s fair tbh

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sirikenobi12 · 4 years ago

Text

Dear Mr. Filoni: About Qui-Gon Jinn

Mr. Filoni, I know you are pretty much the undisputed Padawan of George Lucas, but like many students they can sometimes misunderstand their teachings or interpret things from a certain point of view. While I won’t deny you are a brilliant creator who have brought us some amazing Star Wars content you said something a little while back about Qui-Gon Jinn that I think is rather nearsighted and in my opinion incorrect.

“And with the death of Qui-Gon Jinn, Anakin loses the father figure who truly could have understood him – and maybe prevented what was to come.”

This implies several things, the first is that Anakin never had a father figure in his life. Or, rather that he lost the father figure he truly needed. In many ways this is implying that if someone grows up without a father (or a traditional father figure) then they are missing out or won’t have a stable childhood. What about all the people who are raised by single mothers or grandparents or aunts/uncles or by their older siblings?

Pixar’s Onward is a great example of finding a father figure through an older brother, it highlights that just because Ian never had a chance to meet his father didn’t mean that he lost out on a father figure in his brother Barley.

“I never had a dad, but I always had you.”

Saying that Anakin lost the father figure who truly could have understood him also just spits in the face of a young man who also lost his father figure in that moment and gave up everything to raise Anakin.

Let’s unpack that a little bit. Imagine if you will you’re twenty-five years old, you’ve worked your ENTIRE life for a particular goal which is to be a Jedi Knight, traveling the galaxy doing the most good that you can while discovering who you are on your own. Then maybe down the road when you are ready to settle down and possibly train/raise an apprentice you’ll take one on. Suddenly the only father you’ve ever known pushes you aside for a child he’s just met (without even discussing it with you first) and then uses his last words to push this child on you, making him your responsibility, thus shattering your chance at the freedom of a true Knighthood.

By all rights Obi-Wan could’ve given Anakin’s training over to the Council, the boy was in no way his responsibility. Much like an adult sibling doesn’t have to take on the responsibility of raising their minor siblings if their parents die, they could give the children over to the state and have a chance at a normal young adulthood instead of being thrust into being a parent before they are ready. But, Obi-Wan didn’t do that because he A.) Respected/loved Qui-Gon too much not to fulfill his final wishes, and B.) Knew it would be better for Anakin to take the boy under his wing.

I will say this until I am blue in the face: OBI-WAN WAS A FATHER TO ANAKIN!!

In fact, in Episode 2 Anakin refers to him as a father/father figure multiple times and it is clear their relationship while Anakin was a Padawan was that of a Father/Son. It isn’t until Anakin is knighted and they are peers that you see their relationship shift to that of brothers.

Am I saying that Obi-Wan didn’t make mistakes when raising Anakin? Absolutely not, but would I argue that Anakin was missing out on a father figure because Qui-Gon died? No, I would not.

The second part of that quote claims that Qui-Gon Jinn could’ve been someone who understood Anakin and might’ve been able to prevent what was to come. I 100% believe that would not have happened, while I think Qui-Gon Jinn is a very interesting character there is no indication in either canon or legends that he would’ve been a good influence on Anakin. In fact, quite the opposite. Here are the top ten reasons Qui-Gon would’ve been a terrible father influence for Anakin:

1. Qui-Gon Jinn thinks the rules don’t apply to him: While many fans applaud Qui-Gon (including apparently you, Mr. Filoni) for going against the Jedi Council and being a “Maverick” I would argue that more often than not it was to his or his mission’s detriment. This is not to advocate that the Council was 100% correct or that Jedi shouldn’t question things, but there is a difference between questioning authority figures and flat out being obstinate. This is something Anakin excels at even with being raised by the rule abiding Kenobi, imagine how bad it would’ve been had Jinn raised him.

2. Qui-Gon Jinn was selfish: There are several examples of Qui-Gon using the guise of “the will of the Force” in order to get his way. Are we honestly supposed to believe that somehow this one man was more in tune with the Force than any other Jedi (including 12 powerful Jedi who were on the Council)?? And, if he truly believed in following the will of the Force then why did he constantly bend the rules to make sure the “Force” went his way - an example of this is had he actually believed it was the will of the Force that he free Anakin, he wouldn’t have had to make the chance cube go the way he wanted it to go. He flat out cheated so he could get his way.

3. Qui-Gon was dangerously reckless: Many Jedi are reckless, even Obi-Wan said to Yoda in ESB “so was I if you’ll remember”. But Qui-Gon was reckless in ways that was pretty astounding. For example, EVERYONE told him that his plan to get off of Tatooine was dangerous and frankly stupid. Couldn’t they have just sold the Naboo ship and then purchased a clunker that would get them to Coruscant? Honestly, that would’ve probably hidden them better from the Trade Federation in the long run...but no, he instead decided the best course of action was to put a slave child in mortal danger, thus also placing all of their lives in the hands of a boy who had NEVER won a race before. Now, it ended up working in his favor, but even still those few days spent fixing up Anakin’s pod and then the race itself delayed the Queen from getting to Coruscant which meant more people died on Naboo all because Qui-Gon refused to see any other solutions.

4. Qui-Gon was often a bully: our Maverick had no problems throwing his weight around to get what he wanted. The Council meeting with Anakin is a perfect example, he didn’t get the answer he wanted. So he put his hands on his hips and refused to leave the room until the Council caved to his demands. Another example of this is in Claudia Grey’s Master & Apprentice where he refuses to do his duty as a Jedi and fulfill the mission simply because he had a vision. He doesn’t discuss this with the Council or with Obi-Wan beforehand, he just decides for himself this is how it’s going to be and then throws a hissy-fit when he doesn't get his way. Or how about he is the one who cheated to get his way in winning Anakin and when Watto calls him out he threatens to get the Hutts involved? He just bullies his way to getting what he wanted.

5. Qui-Gon never saw the bigger picture: Master Jinn’s whole thing is to focus on the here and the now, and while that’s great advice (especially for Obi-Wan who often looks too far a head) it also means that Qui-Gon often misses the big picture. An example of this is in the book Master & Apprentice where he wants to free the slaves on Pijal’s moon, but Yoda has to remind him that there is a bigger picture and they can only act if it’s in their mandate. He says this not because the Council doesn’t want to free slaves, but because there are incredibly complex consequences and if they were to just do whatever they wanted/could do as Jedi it would cause all kinds of issues for others and while he could maybe free a handful of slaves now it would cause countless others to suffer in the long run. But, Qui-Gon wouldn’t accept this, because he refused to see the bigger picture - he refused to look at anything except what was right in front of him.

6. Qui-Gon has a history of failing his Apprentices: Now, I know this isn’t Canon at the moment, but by the time we make it to TPM Qui-Gon has already done severe damage to 2 former Padawans, and is in danger of having history repeat itself. Xanatos was his second Apprentice right before Obi-Wan, and this Padawan was extremely powerful and Qui-Gon insisted he be trained, but the boy fell to the darkside because he had been too old to start training and had a healthy attachment to his family (sound familiar?). Qui-Gon was so devastated by his fall that he went back and reputed his first apprentice, Feemor, claiming he was such a failure of a Master that there is no way his first apprentice should’ve been knighted. He basically in his grief pushed aside an apprentice who while on paper wasn’t anything special, but was kind and dutiful and a true Jedi (sound familiar?). He then begrudgingly takes on Obi-Wan (only after 12 year old Obi-Wan offers to kill himself to save others) and then time and time again tries to basically pawn off Obi-Wan onto someone else (even as far into their relationship as the Master & Apprentice book). Then, when it finally looks like the Kenobi/Jinn team have figured out how to work well together Qui-Gon has to literally be reminded that his Obi-Wan even exists because Qui-Gon is so blinded by Anakin’s power!! How in any way does this seem like a better father figure option for the emotionally needy Anakin?

7. Qui-Gon Jinn has a history of Attachments: The specific example I have is again from Legends, but it shows how Qui-Gon allowed attachments to become dangerous. He had a childhood friend who he fell in love with, they decided that they could handle being committed to each other as well as the Order so they “pledged themselves” to one another (my guess is basically this is like a Jedi marriage so to speak). Sounds beautiful right, and it is, but...But his love interest Tahl was injured on a war torn planet where the children are so sick of their parents' civil war that they form a third army and go to war against the adults. Tahl is caught in the middle of this and is gravely injured. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are sent to rescue her, and Obi-Wan is sickened by the sight of children fighting and wants to stay and help, but Qui-Gon is so blinded by his attachment for Tahl that he for the first time EVER actually follows his mandate and tells Obi-Wan that they weren’t sent there to help the children, but to rescue Tahl. Obi-Wan who is only 13 doesn’t understand so instead of taking the time to really explain it, Qui-Gon just LEAVES his young apprentice behind on a war torn planet. Now, I’ll admit that Qui-Gon did give Obi-Wan a choice, to come back to Coruscant or to stay and fight, thus leaving the Jedi Order and Obi-Wan did make the choice to stay. But, it was Qui-Gon’s responsibility as the teacher to fully explain the situation to Obi-Wan and let him know that they could do more good if they were to go back to the Council and the Senate and try to return with supplies and reinforcements. But no, Qui-Gon just yelled at him, disregarded his feelings and told him their mission was to rescue Tahl. He didn’t bother using this as a teaching moment for Obi-Wan because he was so concerned about his attachment. And then later when Tahl actually died, Qui-Gon nearly fell to the dark side and it was Obi-Wan who saved him. And then Qui-Gon went on to decide that because of the pain that had been inflicted by losing Tahl he’d basically give Obi-Wan an ultimatum when it came to the woman he loved (and basically downplayed it as nothing but a crush). Now, say what you want about how Obi-Wan handled Anakin/Padme’s relationship - maybe pretending it wasn’t happening instead of confronting Anakin about it wasn’t a healthy/smart choice, but at least he didn’t downplay it and make it look like Anakin’s feelings weren’t real or valid.

8. Qui-Gon refused to apologize: There are several examples where Qui-Gon refuses to accept any responsibilities and won’t apologize. One such point is in TPM where he basically traded his current Padawan in for a newer/shinier model in front of the entire Council (which if this alone isn’t enough cause to prove the man wasn’t the best father figure…) he then refused to even approach Obi-Wan about it, in fact the twenty five year old Apprentice who had just been tossed aside for a supposed prophecy came and apologized to Qui-Gon!! Another example is back in the Jedi Apprentice books where Qui-Gon leaves Obi-Wan on the war torn planet (as mentioned in #7) it is up to Obi-Wan to make it up to Qui-Gon and prove his worth once again. I’m not certain given Anakin’s tendency to need constant affirmations that this would’ve been a good combination.

9. Qui-Gon was manipulative: Oftentimes we see Qui-Gon manipulating people to get his way (I’m not talking about Jedi Mind Tricks). In TPM he manipulates Watto to win Anakin’s freedom, he even manipulates Obi-Wan into taking on the burden of training Anakin by making it his dying wish. He is not above manipulation if he gets his desired result. We see Anakin does the same thing, so one could argue Qui-Gon would’ve only encouraged this behavior.

10. Qui-Gon cared more about the prophecy than the boy: I’m not saying that Qui-Gon didn’t care about people, or even Anakin, in fact he was a very compassionate character. But, all of his arguments to have Anakin be trained was that he is “the Chosen One” not once does he talk about how the boy needs training simply because it’d be dangerous to leave such raw power alone in the galaxy without training, or that it would be the right thing to do. He doesn’t ever talk about how learning to be a Jedi would actually benefit the boy. Every single time he brings up Anakin needing training is because of the prophecy. Now, as far as it looks in both canon and legends Obi-Wan tried incredibly hard to not bring up the prophecy to Anakin (except on Mustafar), Obi-Wan would bring it up to Mace/Yoda but that was about it. Obi-Wan wasn’t blinded by the prophecy because until ROTS it didn’t really appear that he even believed in it - he believed in Anakin for who he was as a person. Something we just didn’t see with Qui-Gon.

Now, Qui-Gon has a lot of great qualities, I am not denying that, but to say that he would’ve been the father figure Anakin needed is just misguided. If you believe in the idea that there is a will of the Force one could argue that Obi-Wan training Anakin was that will, otherwise Qui-Gon wouldn’t have died.

Also, Mr. Filoni, why is it that Anakin supposedly suffered because he didn’t have a father figure yet you turned around and gave Ahsoka a brother, not a father? Are you suggesting Ahsoka suffered as well because she didn’t have a father figure? Or, was Obi-Wan by this time finally “old” enough to be considered a father figure?

This idea that Qui-Gon Jinn would’ve been the fix it to Anakin’s issues is just silly and once again places the blame of the Jedi’s destruction in the hands of the Council and specifically Obi-Wan, thus not forcing Anakin to be held responsible for any of his actions.

I’m sorry, but it’s not a theory I buy due to a lack of evidence.

#star wars #rant post #obi wan appreciation #qui gon jinn #obi wan kenobi #Anakin Skywalker #jedi council appreciation #dave filoni #the phantom menace #The Clone Wars #stop blaming the jedi #sorry but this has been on my mind a lot #not qui gon bashing i promise #obi wan deserved better

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