#lots of things can give someone depression and a guilt complex i just pretend it's something else unspecified

[pleuvoire]

eiji is a great character but i kind of have to ignore his backstory it's so goofy and insensitive

[noperopesaredope]

So I’ve been compiling a list of potential mental issues/conditions that the Collector might have developed due to all the shit that they’ve experienced, and holy shit is it long so far. I haven’t even really finished it, and it’s still ridiculous.

Things That Aren’t Proven in Canon, But They Could Develop:

Derealization: I imagine they’d experience that a lot whilst trapped, especially in order to cope with the stress of being in a void like that.

Depersonalization: I have been imagining a whole one-shot that I call “Collector Games” in which the Collector talks a bit about some of the games they played with themselves when they were trapped that they still sometimes play. One of those games is called the “Made Up Game”, where they basically pretend that they are someone’s imaginary friend, that they (the Collector) doesn’t actually exist and isn’t real. They are made up. It’s a bit of a disturbing concept that I find fun to play with.

Disassociation: Obviously yes. This would 100% happen a lot in their prison.

Depression: Clearly. Why wouldn’t they have some form of depression at some point?

Things That Aren’t Quite Canon, But Have Evidence:

Escapism Addiction: Maybe it’s just their childish nature, but they seem to use the idea of “playing pretend” as a way to separate themselves from reality, and it seems that their constant obsession with playing games has begun to develop into a coping mechanism to avoid thinking about their trauma.

Dependency Disorder: They desperately need other people and cling to anyone who gives them even the slightest bit of positive attention. This kid has been abandoned so many times and they are a bit desperate.

PTSD (from being trapped): Look, he definitely has some form of PTSD, but he probably might have some from the specific incident of being trapped. We just haven’t seen it present itself yet.

Abandonment Issues: Close to being canon, but hard to find direct evidence of. Still, they have every reason to develop it to the point where I’d say it’s basically canon. They have been abandoned by so many people it’s insane.

Separation Anxiety: They cling to people like a lost puppy. Tied to his autophobia. He would get very distressed at being separated from people for too long.

Guilt Complex: They would probably end up feeling guilty about so much shit once they understand stuff better.

Sociotropy: They are a bit of a people pleaser to a surprising degree. He acts “selfishly” multiple times, but that’s more because they don’t really realize it. Most of the time, it seems like he’ll do whatever his friends wants to do specifically for the sake of gaining their approval. He seems to get bored of the Owl House game a bit quickly, but continues playing it because he thinks that that’s what King wants (he does a lot of what King wants). He also follows along with Belos’ plans for hundreds of years. Despite how they treat others, I get the feeling that this kid is desperate for approval.

Things That Are Basically Canon:

Autophobia: Literally canon. He doesn’t like being alone :(

Alexithymia: Can summarize a lot of their issues with empathy. Look up alexithymia and you will see how much of it fits them. Also lines up well with their “low empathy” autism coding.

Trust Issues: They have been betrayed constantly by what seems to be everyone in their life. This is made messy by the fact that they don’t trust anyone but also immediately trust people at the same time. They are such a mess

Betrayal Trauma: This issue is somewhat complex, but it fits well for them and would apply to them in multiple ways.

CPTSD (three times): First caused by some of the potential abuse they may have faced under the Archivists, then caused by long term solitary confinement, then caused by Belos just existing.

PTSD (again): He saw Luz die in front of him and probably blames himself. They’re obviously gonna have some PTSD from that.

Not a Specific Disorder, But is Definitely Something:

He lived in a serial killer’s basement for hundreds of years with no contact with the outside world. There must be some kind of condition or five caused by that.

I don’t throw the term “psychopath” around casually, but he was raised by multiple psychopaths who would casually kill people quite frequently. Belos also had some very abusive tendencies (we as a fandom have already determined the “covering them up with a blanket” thing to have been a common occurrence). This would cause some very complex issues that are hard to determine, specifically in terms of how they process empathy and understand other people.

His abandonment issues, emotional dependency, sociotropy, autophobia, and separation anxiety have created a very suggestible and emotionally vulnerable state of mind which have caused him to be very easy to manipulate. 

Barely understands what death is.

Similar to alexithymia, but doesn’t understand that other people can get hurt or experience pain. Basically barely understands the concept of bodily autonomy.

~~~~~~~~~

So this kid has a lot of issues. And this is just a short version of the list. There’s a lot more issues they probably have that I didn’t address here. They are probably one of the most traumatized and messed up characters in the show. God damn. And they’re mentally 8 years old.

Poor bby :(

[aiyexayen]

So uh that essay about how Wei Ying takes after Yu Ziyuan? I am LISTENING

There were two things that really made me start to think about this, one was this tweet which says, "You know what we don't talk about? Wei Wuxian getting his cry-laughing from Madam Yu" and this incredible ChengXian video which sets their relationship to the tune of When Doves Cry and wrecks me every time I watch it (I just watched it now when I went to get the link and I'm whimpering).

As to the first matter:

seems fairly conclusive.

The second matter:

maybe I'm just like my father, too bold maybe you're just like my mother-- she's never satisfied

Was there this much meta thought put into one line of lyrics in a video set to When Doves Cry? Hard to say. There is now, though! Because dang, what a line. Essay under the cut.

There's a (valid) tendency to pull out the ways Jiang Cheng is more like his mother, and the ways Wei Wuxian is more like Jiang Fengmian, especially where their relationship is concerned.

Jiang Cheng wants proof of care through passion, through a willingness to fight. He will provoke and poke at things better left lying, with no shame and no regard to who else is around, dredge up old hurts and old grudges and old matters even if they're long buried or long forgiven, so long as he thinks it will get him the reaction he's looking for.

He wants Wei Wuxian to fix things by rising to the bait, rising to the challenge, giving him pushback when he says blatant lies, showing him that his shige still thinks he's worth it.

This is terribly unhealthy, of course, don't do this at home kids, but it's one of my core Jiang Cheng Truths.

Jiang Cheng shows that he cares in turn by being willing to fight, by pouring his emotion out even if those often end up as negative expressions. He's messy and unrestrained when he feels things, not all of which is from his mother--a lot of that is just Jiang Cheng--however, you can see the way he tries to rein in his emotions when he's embarrassed about caring or is trying to pretend that he doesn't care. Whether it's pretending to shrug off Wei Wuxian and walk away when they have a problem, or trying to rein in his temper at Lan Wangji on Dafan Mountain. Because from his mother, he's internalised the message that to engage in the fight is proof of care, so the opposite is also true.

And oh, when he hurts, he seeks to hurt back. That's very Yu Ziyuan of him.

Wei Wuxian, meanwhile, frequently defaults to calming and placating with Jiang Cheng. Not as much as Jiang Yanli does--but more on her, momentarily. We see Wei Wuxian complain at Jiang Cheng to not get riled up, tell him he's being stubborn and just to accept the peace offering, etc. The difference is that, at first, with Jiang Cheng, a lot of that is just general pouty childishness and Wei Ying-ing, general sibling shit.

Plus, he was still willing to fight/express himself fully. They fought a lot. He always ran after Jiang Cheng, always roped him into expressing himself, always let Jiang Cheng fight it out. He understood, at least intuitively, and he didn't back down. The benefits of having grown up together, and of being an older one/middle sibling in the dynamic.

But when things really started to break down between him and Jiang Cheng, when the conflict was much bigger, much more grown up, much more real, Wei Wuxian started modeling his behaviour even more on Jiang Fengmian in regards to Jiang Cheng, possibly seeing more of Yu-furen in Jiang Cheng and responding the way that felt natural.

(Also, a lot of his own guilt and depression/apathy/intent to die and assorted other issues came into play at roughly the same time.)

Thus, we see Wei Wuxian start to turn down Jiang Cheng more often, and back off. He shrugs it off or rejects it when Jiang Cheng reaches out, and he stops reaching out himself. He tries to placate Jiang Cheng, tries to defuse him, tries to send him away. Some of this is because he cares and is trying to show he cares by taking himself out of the situation; some because he's trying to maintain his lies; some because he just doesn't have the energy to deal with this anymore.

After Wei Wuxian is resurrected, by which point he's done what he perceives as the worst things to Jiang Cheng, this intensifies. Jiang Cheng provokes him beyond reason, lashes out, starts fights, sneers, and Wei Wuxian almost rises to the bait but he stops himself. He lets Jiang Cheng be angry and he shrinks himself down, he backs away, he disengages. A decent portion of this is Wei Wuxian himself, and his faulty perspective on the situation and on Jiang Cheng's anger and complexity of emotion and intent. Some of it is lingering relationship modeling off of Jiang-shushu and Yu-furen's relationship. Either way, he's definitely "being the Jiang Fengmian" in the situation.

Additionally, Wei Wuxian tries quite actively to model himself off of Jiang-shushu's good qualities, which is understandable given that this was his primary benevolent adult figure and liked him quite a lot. We see it in the way Wei Wuxian teaches, the way he instructs with archery, the fact he prioritises archery to begin with, the way he expresses kindness the way it was expressed to him, through encouragement or noticing people who are down and out. Things that Wei Wuxian, at least, attributes to Jiang Fengmian's character (I'm trying so hard not to make this a Jiang Fengmian salt post) even if a lot of that is just his own outlook on life at the end of the day.

But all of these kids were around both of these parental figures/people of authority. This is most clear in Jiang Yanli. We see the way she's become a mediator figure between her parents when they're upset with each other and understands them both.

She takes all the kind intent and patience and willingness to placate and calm from her father, and adds in the knowledge and understanding needed to actually use it interpersonally. She's more open with communication, can identify the heart of an issue, and effectively diffuse a lot of tension. She has middling success with this with regards to her parents, but a lot more success with her brothers. It helps her see eye to eye with Wei Wuxian, and share that spark of playfulness between them too. It helps her understand why Jiang Cheng says things the way he does, and what he means.

We also see Jiang Yanli reveal herself to be the steely, fiery daughter of Zi Zhizhu when someone attacks what is hers. She is just as much her mother's child.

So, too, Jiang Cheng is his father's son. I think this is true much more when he grows up and inherits the sect and has held it for some time in the wake of tragedy. We see evidence that he's become a well-regarded leader, and for all we see cool, flashing, calculating glares and bitten-back sneers, we see worried disciples fussing over his health. We see a mild manner that was learned, and an authority that has accrued with time, and a self-assuredness when dealing with his peers that seems more modeled off what we see of Jiang Fengmian than of Yu Ziyuan.

Jiang Cheng is a match for Zidian, through and through, but he is also steady and determined and bold, good at making and keeping allies, or else how could he have achieved the impossible in rebuilding his sect? He learned to take some of his mother, some of his father, find something left over of himself out of the wreckage of his life, and meld it all together.

That brings us to Wei Wuxian. I had, at the time of first seeing that tweet, showed it to a friend who said:

Are we gonna talk about how Wei Ying gets his cry-laugh from her? Are we gonna talk about how he learned that intense glare from her, too? Or his tendency to act swiftly and decisively even when it might not be the actual best course of action? Or his violent protectiveness of his siblings?

Inspired. And yes, we are.

Yu-furen was a figure of absolute strength in Wei Wuxian's life. Uncompromising, unyielding, impressive as hell. She had the capacity to inspire deep loyalty and was fiercely protective over things that were hers. Her son, her daughter, her family's reputation, her sect, her home, her disciple. (Yes, even Wei Wuxian was hers, too, she made quite the point about that.)

Wei Wuxian is very easygoing. But when he decides something is his, whether that's a duty or a person or whatever, it's his to protect, it's his to do anything for, even cause a scene, even start a war, even lose allies or his own life. It's one surefire way to get him to fight no matter what headspace he's in.

You can see Jiang Cheng realise/remember this in real time in the Ancestral Hall, when he can't get a rise out of Wei Wuxian by talking about himself and his family, and that stings, but he's desperate to get a rise out of him somehow, and immediately he sets in on Lan Wangji. And it fucking works. That's what gets Wei Wuxian to almost fight him. If he'd posed a real threat, and if a whole bunch of other complicated psychological shit wasn't part of the mix for everyone involved, there would absolutely have been a fight.

Wei Wuxian latched onto the Wens, yes, and they were his, too, but they weren't the only ones. Lotus Pier was his, as was Jiang Cheng. Yunmeng Shuangjie was not just a pipe dream, and Wei Wuxian's loyalty was not simply easy to sway. Yunmeng Jiang's strength, their reputation, their future, and Jiang Cheng's along with it were always on his mind.

He lied, and fought, and even left and took himself out of the picture to that end. For Jiang Cheng, and for his ability to carry on. In so many ways, Wei Wuxian absolutely took so much of his perspectives on that from Yu Ziyuan, for better or worse.

Uncompromising, unyielding, even when turned on himself. Never satisfied, always pushing for more, for answers, for solutions, for the right path, even in his own frequently easygoing and curious ways. Unhesitating, across the board. Even if it meant his own life, or his core.

There is nothing wrong with hesitating. Hesitating, worrying, being uncertain, trying to think first, trying to find the right path, and then being able to find it, or choose it anyway, is such an act of courage. That's a quality Jiang Cheng has in droves. He hesitated, when he saw the Wen soldiers coming for Wei Wuxian. And then he chose to sacrifice himself. For Wei Wuxian, there was no hesitation whatsoever. No forethought. No choice, really. Just go. I think that's very Yu Ziyuan of him.

I had to go digging to find that message my friend sent me, and I'll conclude with my response:

If we're going to talk about how Wei Wuxian is like Yu-furen, then we'll have to talk about how Yu-furen knew that. Or at least, the only parts that she ever had cause to see in him while she still lived. How he was hers even if he wasn't her son. How Fengmian's lazy favouritism was intolerable in this way, too, in the way it sowed discord where there didn't need to be any, and was a barrier between her and the things that should have been more fully hers. How the farewell at Lotus Pier was more of a betrayal than she intended. How she thought she and Wei Ying met over more even ground at that moment, because she knew he loved Jiang Cheng as much as she did, in the way she did. How she expected more from him than for him to give parts himself up in such a horrifying way. How she underestimated the actual damage that had been done. And if she'd survived to see it, she just might have been truly horrified.

[ifyouseekay468]

what do YOU personally think the teenagers (mcr) lyrics are about my friend ? like i keep thinking about them but im not sure im going somewhere

okay, ive answered this ask twice on mobile and each time my phone deleted it, so here I go, the FINAL version of this post

It's been a hot minute since I listened to teenagers so I decided to do a quick run-through of the lyrics, and while Gerard&Co were raised catholic the lyrics seem to REEK of protestant trauma, so that's what I'll be going off of, but I'm pretty sure the two denominations overlap here. The first verse is about kids in youth group, Christian GirlsTM especially, who are put there to pressure you into being "normal" into "cleaning you up with the lies in the book" (bible), although the pastor is the one giving the teaching THESE are the people who will get you to BELIEVE, who will get you to lie to yourself, who will get you to church camps that on some level utilize brainwashing techniques, and will DESTROY you with the idea that you're "Just one of them, and just need to change everything about yourself and fake your way through every last sermon to be just a part of the gang",

The part about sleeping with a gun and keeping an eye on you is about two things: one, about the idea that God can see all your thoughts, that THINKING about "sin" (ie; fantasizing about sex) is as bad as COMMITTING sin (which is fucked up entirely on its own because fantasy is SO FUCKING DIFFERENT FROM REALITY and that is a CRUCIAL aspect of sexual expression in order to safely engage in sex), AND the fact that these kids will pretend to be your friend, will prod you into doing things with them, into telling them things about yourself all the while making you feel like "part of the group" when really they're just blabbing either to religious leaders, or are ostracizing you and bullying you behind your back.

"The drugs never work"

This in my opinion points to the fact that this song is specifically about being QUEER in a christian culture. It is common for trans people to turn to drugs or psychedelics in an area that has little to no access to gender affirming care, or acceptance because they both change reality and disconnect one from the body that is causing their dysphoria. It can also help burn away the guilt, so to speak.

The methods of keeping you clean is about two things: one, about purity culture, no smoking, no drinking, no friends who drink, no sex, no porn, no masturbation, no impure thoughts. The second, is the way they're able to subtly manipulate you into hiding yourself, into lying to yourself, into forcing yourself to the point of death into being cishet. They're keeping you clean not just from the vices of addiction, but the vices of the flesh, the vice you can't escape because it's a part of you from the day youre born. On a darker note, this could also be referring to c*nversion th*rapy, given this second interpretation of the lyrics

"Ripping your head and aspirations to shreds," Is again about two things in my opinion: both the idea of "losing yourself to God's will" that usually leads one to losing their identity and getting depression and fucked up mental health, and the "shift" that happens at church when you reach a certain age. You know the kind, right? You're four years old, and church is FUN! You get to go to this big room and sing and dance on stage with all your friends! You get to play GAMES! You get to talk to the ~cool teenagers~ who are ~Just like you~ and ~think youre a "cool kid"~, you have ~best friends~ who will be with you like Jesus and the 12! but then, one day, something happens, something SHIFTS. maybe the Sunday school teacher leaves, maybe there's a new family at church, maybe the church changes buildings. Maybe none of that has to do with any of it, all you know is that now things are forever different. Church isn't fun anymore. The kids classes are repetitive, they're bribing you into memorizing bible verses with money, they DONT reward critical thinking or analysis, but they do call you smart, that's because they dont want SMART kids they want OBEDIANT ones. You have no choice but to stat going to REAL church. Suddenly, your best friends are not your best friends. Suddenly they're avoiding you. Suddenly they're lying to you. Suddenly you're too... well they don't know the word yet but "gay" for them...

"Teenagers scare the living shit out of me"

This is what youth group does to you, it isolates you from your entire generation because there are few people your age and a whole lot older than you, and everyone is so much DIFFERENT from you for some reason, but neither of you know why, not yet anyways. This makes you distance yourself from teenagers, because you can't SEE yourself as a teenager, because youre nothing like other teenagers.

"They could care less as long as someone will bleed,"

This is the martyr complex that permeates youth culture like the smell of wine, the problem? these kids love to make a show of themselves and their martyrdom, but they're unwilling to martyr themselves, so what do they do? They throw someone else to the wolves and take the glory. They ostracize and eliminate the unique in the name of preserving their faith. They convert and convert and god help anyone who doesn't want to convert.

"So darken your clothes and strike a violent pose"

This is about deconversion, how the moment you leave the church you never want to see another cross till the day you die, that you want to avoid christians of all costs because you don't want them To drag you back into the pit that devoured you. So you do anything and everything you can to make yourself repulsive to Christians, which actually coincides with your indulgence of mundane activities previously considered as "sin"

"Maybe they'll leave you alone but not me,"

There's a different between a cishet ex Christian and a queer ex christian, and that difference is that a cishet atheist is more likely to be left alone than a queer one, especially a queer one whose whole demeanor screams "Christians be gone," that shit is like... it summons christians faster than free winter jam tickets! They swarm to you frothing at the mouth with holy water waiting to either convert you or exorcise you into purity, depends on if you want them or not. Again, you don't even have to be OPENLY gay, they can TRACK this shit. it's like fucking... INSTINCT or something.

"The boys and girls in the clique, the awful names that they stick, you're never gonna fit in much kid,"

as alluded to above, this lyric is about how, even from a young age, BEFORE youth group, this toxic culture kind of develops. ESPECIALLY around christian girls. They don't have the vulgarity of slurs, but they can make up for it with slang like "tomboy" "nancyboy" "too boyish" "a sissy" "Weird" etc, youre NEVER going to fit in, because the moment that "shift", from fun games and songs to Real Church, occurs, you have a target on your back.

"But if youre troubled and hurt what you got under your shirt will make them pay for the things that they did,"

This is probably a gun. But that's a tad too boring for my taste. If you were raised protestant you KNOW that being an ex protestant, after the craziness of evangelicalism, you would not hesitate to burn down your old church. It could be a secret tattoo, top surgery scars, hell maybe even nipple clamps. Whatever it is, it's symbolic of revenge. I know that anytime I wore my labrys necklace to church I would always hide it under my shirt. I hid books and CDs under there too. Again, it's about revenge, it's about breaking free, gun or no gun, the point is getting out and getting back at them.

and thats pretty much my take on the song. Again, this is not about artist intent this is just what the lyrics reminded ME of personally (as you can see from the over biographical bullshit I wrote), I'm always open to contradicting interpretations though as I always have like 2+ interpretations of a song or book! I never really saw the song through the lens of youth group specifically but when I went over the lyrics again in retrospect it all seemed to really click (pun not intended) well! Thanks for the ask!

[thelawyerthatwaspromised]

Why Jon Snow’s Climax Shouldn’t Involve a Battle

How should Jon Snow’s story end? What are we supposed to think about his character this season? Does he deserve to end up on the Throne, perhaps married to Sansa Stark?

To understand my view on Jon’s story and why I don’t hold anything against him so far in Season 8...I think we need to go back to the root of his story. 

Generally speaking, it helps me to analyze a character by asking myself “what’s the ONE THING they want more than anything else?” I’ve come to one big over-arching conclusion: Jon Snow just wants to be loved and “belong” in the context of a family.

That might seem simple but it’s so deeply relatable and complex that I can’t help but feel like it’s been layered many times over within his story.

I’ve written before how Jon Snow shares a ton of similarities to Superman/Clark Kent. A hidden prince from a lost civilization. Raised as a son by a morally upstanding man (the Catelyn issues are a twist on Jon’s upbringing). Confronted by the “last of his kind” and forced to choose between the world he grew up in or the world where he biologically came from. Both Superman and Jon deeply desire to “belong” and it’s something that works in any literary tale.

Superman has every power you can imagine but the second a person feels alone and isolated, they become instantly relatable and sympathetic. 

In a lot of ways, Jon Snow is the same way. He left Winterfell because he just never truly felt he “belonged” though he ached to every day. He joined a sacred order who, no matter their pasts, become his new “family”. Certainly appealing to someone like Jon. He wants to be a Stark, but that seems impossible. So he will remove himself from that environment. 

His most meaningful relationships are formed upon the realization that these different people he meets at the Wall really CAN be like family to him. Sam, Grenn, Pyp, Edd, etc. They all hold a special place in his heart. And yet...Winterfell still calls to him. 

He nearly abandons the Watch on more than one occasion when he gets word of the goings on in the south. And yet he works. And works. And he makes friends of wildlings. He betrays them. He fights them. He makes friends of them again after his brothers elevate him to command.

Then his brothers kill him.

And it’s such a big moment. Jon has only ever wanted to belong to a family. To have true “brothers” and to be accepted. He thought he had that in the Watch. He treated them as a real family. As if he could trust that, even if they disagree, they’re all in it together. 

The place Jon forced himself to go because he never felt he could belong in Winterfell has now rejected him. We saw how rejected he felt. It was about more than being betrayed, it was that he was betrayed by the people he viewed as his FAMILY.

Jon was fully ready to give up. There was seemingly no place for him. Then Sansa road through the gates at Castle Black and put Jon, as Kit Harington puts it, back into a state of action. She reignites him. And he feels that maybe, just maybe, his place is to safeguard Sansa. Maybe he’ll feel he CAN belong, given that purpose. 

They go on to win back Winterfell, together. And yet Jon is thrust into the position as the figurehead of the North when he’s named king. So Jon is meant to rule the place in which he left in the first place because he never really felt like he belonged. Being king doesn’t feel earned to Jon. It’s easy to read in his demeanor. He is good at ruling. He likes helping people. 

But there’s always this same cloud hanging over his reign. 

Worse, in Jon’s mind, is that everyone trusts him for a job that he doesn’t feel he deserves and he doesn’t feel like he’s particularly skilled in performing. He has the trust of all these lords and ladies. He has Sansa’s trust even though he has lingering guilt over the fallout after BotB. And the worst thing imaginable happens; he makes the decision to leave again, this time to try to save the North - and he feels he must betray their trust by surrendering his crown to Daenerys Targaryen.

Jon’s NEVER felt like be belonged in WF. He’s never felt like he deserved to be king. He feels he betrayed their trust. He knows why he did what he did, but it still cuts him every single time he’s reminded of what he did. 

And then Jon is hit with the single hardest thing he’s ever had to deal with: he learns the very essence of his being has always fundamentally been a lie. The one thing Jon has ever held onto about himself..the one thing that ever made him see SOME value in himself was the belief that his father was Eddard Stark. 

Now, that’s gone. Jon, who’s NEVER felt value in himself, who’s NEVER felt like he belonged even as Ned’s son, is plunged into a brand new pit of self-doubt and sense of longing. As Ned’s son? Sure, he could serve some type of role in Winterfell and feel good about it. He could protect Sansa, and then later Bran and Arya. He was forced into a situation where he feels he betrayed them. And now his own identity feels like a betrayal. 

Jon Snow in Episode 4 is in the darkest, deepest state that we’ve ever seen him. He doesn’t feel like he deserves to stay in Winterfell. He doesn’t feel he even deserves to have Ghost. Afterall, the dire wolves were for Ned’s children. Ghost’s physical appearance in Episode 4 is Jon’s inward appearance. He’s mangled. Beaten. Mostly destroyed. 

This is why his status as the “heir” isn’t really changing his course. He has fear of Daenerys and what she might do to his family and that has prevented him from processing one of the most traumatic things an individual can possibly be forced to suffer. 

On top of that, the only way his new “family” will accept him is by REJECTING THAT HE IS A MEMBER OF HER FAMILY. It’s perhaps the most psychologically damaging thing I can imagine. Jon feels lost that he’s not who he thought he was...and the only way he can continue to exist is to lie to himself and the world and pretend it’s still the truth and it’s all because the person who represents his new family is actively preventing him from belonging.

So Jon is aloof. He’s emotionally volatile. He’s clearly depressed. He’s anxious about anyone contesting Daenerys even though he now knows she’s rejecting his Truth. Jon’s given up on belonging. 

It might not be well-liked by some in the fandom...but...

Jon needs rescued

He’s in physical danger, of course. But he’s faced that a million times over. That’s not what is crushing Jon’s spirit. It’s his own self-hatred. 

Depression is beating Jon Snow in Season 8.

This is a fairly profound arc, IMO. It’s subverting expectations, too. Because Jon’s issues aren’t so different from the Hound’s. He’s not that different from Jaime. But Jon’s identity crisis is different because he always WANTED to belong to House Stark contra Jaime or the Hound. Either would likely be relieved to learn they aren’t trueborn sons of their houses. 

Jon is devastated, though. His entire essence was ripped away and now the family he learned he COULD belong to has rejected the very idea that he can ever publicly be acknowledged as a member. 

He’s in a clear spiral. He’s distancing from Sansa and Arya because he feels like he could never deserve the trust they’ve already given him. Their love and support aren’t being accepted - but it’s not because he doesn’t want it, it’s because he hates himself. How could he feel differently? Given his story. There’s a self-hate that CAN’T be resolved (in his mind). He sees no escape. He’s dutiful. He wants to protect the people he loves. And Jon DOES love. But he feels so unworthy of it that he thinks the only option is to disappear and be forgotten by them. 

So why should his climax not involve batte?

Because, in his heart, Jon Snow isn’t just about fighting. He doesn’t enjoy it. He doesn’t want it. Jon wants peace. Jon wants to be loved. Jon wants to feel like belongs. Jon wants to be HOME.

The fact that he still wants what he wanted at the start but he’s constantly sacrificed his own wants for the good of the people he loves makes me confident that the only suitable climax for Jon is a confirmation and realization that he is loved and he belongs. And he needs that as a part of accepting who he really is. Dany can NEVER provide him what he NEEDS because she wants to force him to hide it. The ONLY scenario I see that can fit Jon Snow’s character is being “saved” by Sansa Stark.

And no, I don’t think this has anything to do with the trope of “woman saves man” shit where he’s otherwise destructive and unkind. Jon deserves the love that Sansa would give him. He deserves the home that they could build. He deserves to have the truth of his origins accepted. He deserves to be a Stark, but not based on a lie. He doesn’t see any of this, though. And that’s the great sorrow of his portrayal thus far. I think it’s incredibly accurate and moving, but Jon Snow doesn’t see his own value. He knows Sansa and Arya and Bran and his friends care for him - but he can’t see himself being worthy of it. 

That’s why Sansa working so hard to validate Jon. To crown him. To make him a Stark...it will mean EVERYTHING to Jon. He’s already given more than any reasonable person could be asked to give. He’s accepted that he must, for the protection of his family, go south and just try to keep people alive. He’s given up what he wants. His whole arc since he left for Dragonstone last season has led to him giving up on happiness. Nothing makes this more obvious than the moment Sam and Gilly tell him that they plan to name their baby “Jon” if he’s a boy and all Jon can say in return is that he hopes they have a girl. He can’t imagine a worse fate for their child than to be like him. 

Jon needs saved. Not from physical danger. He needs saved from his demons. He needs home. He needs love. He needs a family. He needs to belong. And most of all, he needs to know that he deserves all of it. 

Jon IS emotionally stunted right now. He IS emotionally closed off. But I’m starting to see that it’s not just poor writing. It’s a function of his state of mind more than anything. His attempted goodbyes tell me as much. Given the chance for positive emotional interactions, Jon chose self-hate. And it made me ache inside.

At the root of it, this is why I can’t see any other end for his character. I truly see Jon’s emotional catharsis as a climactic moment for the series. Much like Frodo turning and smiling to his friends as he prepares to leave Middle Earth was the *actual* climax of the LOTR movies. But here, it’s not Jon finding relief in LEAVING but in STAYING. 

As a Stark. With love, and children, and a home. Even if that home doesn’t end up being Winterfell. And I really truly believe that all of the choices Jon has made this season - including all the things we’d WISH he could say but hasn’t - will culminate in Sansa proving to Jon that he is the man that she knows he is. 

Jon needs his pack.

[cartoonfangirl1218]

EoA ships fluff headcanons part 6

Most unexpected compliments

Eleteo: Mateo praising Elena for her governing smarts. I mean Elena knows she’s smart but she tends to view smarts as in the stem-kind Isabel is or lots of book knowledge like Esteban. She’s more of impulsive type. But when Mateo praised her for natural talent in diplomacy and just the sheer amount of names she had to know plus their habits and quirks, that was a smarts all on her own. As for Mateo, the compliment she gave him would be almost anything about his muscles as minx like she is. Mainly because Mateo is such a skinny thing as a child, he can’t believe someone would call him an Adonis. Gababel: Gabe praises Isabel for her inquisitiveness and how interesting she is even though many people wouldn’t find science as fascinating, whenever she tells her about it, he thinks it’s the most interesting thing in the world. Isabel praised Gabe whenever he showed his emotional vulnerability. All his life he had been put down by Roberto to act like a man so Isabel giving him sort of “permission” to cry and be sweet and gentlemanly, it is another thing that he loves about her. Estenaomi: The time that Esteban complimented Naomi for being prettier than any noble lady was a secret thrill for her. Though she shrugs it off and pretends she doesn’t compare herself to those snobby royal ladies, she can’t help but worry that Esteban will go back to his own class. That praise lifted her spirits to the clouds. As for Esteban, he was over the moon when Naomi told him that he was always number one to her. After being El Segundo, just those words, as corny as he teased her for, he loved it. Estoma: The compliment Esteban loved was when Doña told him that she could see no else being a better Chancellor than him. After all, the circumstances of how he became Chancellor is somewhat undeserved so he never felt like he was truly good at it. Especially with the added guilt of hurting his family and having to fulfill Shuriki’s horrid orders. So for someone to say that he was a perfect Chancellor. That meant a lot. Anyway, once Esteban called Doña adorable. She had thought he was being sarcastic after all she had been called “Gorgeous” “Sophisticated” “Hostile bitch”- “Adorable”? Never. But he meant it. She joked that love was making him hallucinate traits that weren’t there but she secretly appreciated it.

What spirit guide would their SO choose?

Eleteo: I'm just gonna stick with what they have because I agree with the choices and I really liked how well they fit. Elena is like a fox, crafty, sometimes impulsive  and loves to be free in the world. Mateo is like a sloth being calm and patient in his doings and can be quiet good at insight to his surroundings. Gababel: Isabel would choose a wolf for Gabe because of it's fierceness, it's loyalty to it's pack/family and it can be quiet caring and nurturing. Gabe would choose a hummingbird for Isabel because of it's inquisitive nature, and the fact they both have a fondness for sweet substances. Estenaomi: Esteban would choose a sassy dolphin for Naomi and Naomi would say Esteban is a total preening peacock! No question about it. Proud of his great hair and clothes and can squawk quite a bit when he doesn't get his way which Esteban protests wholeheartedly. Estoma: I couldn't think of them saying nice ones so here it is. Esteban chooses Doña as a magpie. A shrill, annoying, chattering bird with a penchant for shiny things. Doña would say Esteban is a lapdog, enjoying luxuries people give him but is all bark and no bite when it comes to confrontation so he has to stew with what others decide for him. Whose more protective?

Eleteo: Since Elena inherited Luisa's mother hen tendencies, she's a lot more outwardly protective like when she gave Gabe those warning glares for dissing Mateo in Spellbound or getting a bit more distressed when Mateo is in danger even at the cost of an important jewel like in Jewel of Maru. But that's not to say Mateo is equally protective of Elena when danger comes calling. Spellbound and Song of the Sirenas is a big example of that. The sweet cinnaomon roll gets spicy when someone threatens his beloved shining light, and Ninjateo comes out with vengeance. Gababel: Gabe, obviously. It's part of his knight in shining armor charm. Isabel does want Gabe's protection but sometimes he can go overboard like when they are exploring an island and Isabel just needs to get these last few rock samples but Gabe thinks its too dangerous for her to trek through jungles even though she has done it thousands of times before. Estenaomi: Naomi is. Naomi is generally much more suspicious and streetwise than young!Esteban who wants to go adventuring everywhere and is willing to talk to anyone to get information even if those sources are less than reliable. Plus young!Esteban has a tendency to overestimate his own mortality so she has to pull him away from swinging over lava and crocodile invested lakes among other things even though he assures her he can totally climb that thousand feet mountain without proper safety gear. 

Estoma: Esteban is. Blame it on everything he lost, but he is a bit protective about making sure no one hurts his family again. Nor the ones he loves.

Whose more protective of their food?

Eleteo: Neither is particularly. But Elena can be possessive of her pan dulces when she has them. So when Mateo teasingly takes a few from her plate, then the food fight is on. Of course, that just leads to some licking off each other's cheeks and fingers. A bit like that Gababel drabble you did on the private group chat. But Elena would also totally put a strawberry in her mouth and taunt Mateo into kissing her. Or even do an orange smile and think it's incredibly hilarious. Gababel: Isabel is. We all know Gabe will do anything for Isabel, including sharing food. Isa would do the same. Except when it comes to the pan dulces. Isabel loves those pan dulces and will basically hoard them in her cheeks if she is able to manage it. Gabe finds the image adorable and always teases her for the chipmunk cheeks. Estenaomi: Esteban. Let's just face it. Pan dulces and Flores family are like inseparable. So, Naomi often teases Esteban by hiding the food or stealing it for herself. Esteban's "tortured" reaction to her "betrayal" is often amusing to watch but Naomi has learned to be careful because Esteban often retaliates with creative pranks that she never sees coming. Also it bugs him when Naomi sometimes obliviously double dips. Estoma: Doña. Especially if she is already in a bad mood. "IF YOU DARE TAKE MY DANISH, I WILL REACH DOWN YOUR THROAT, PULL IT OUT, AND BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH IT." (Not my quote. But it's such a overwrought reaction to food being taken that I had to use it). Whose more picky?

Eleteo: Neither really. Elena is very enthusiastic about experiencing new cultures which includes eating their foods and Mateo has never been picky, he just doesn't eat a lot due to his studying as you hc. But Mateo is the more hesitant of the two when it comes to trying things like a kelp taco. BUT he also can't resist Elena's puppy dog look and enthusiastic face when she urges him to try a little bit. And that's when he learned that Marisa and Elena have the right idea when it comes to the deliciousness of kelp tacos. (I still can't get over that food choice) Gababel: Isabel is. Not because she is scared of the food but let's just say biology has made a big impact on how she views salmonella and E. coli. But that's more with regular foods. She will say yes to about any sort of dessert. Especially if her handsome baker boy makes it just for her. Estenaomi: Esteban is. Naomi is more adventurous due to having to adjust to eating new foods. Sometimes she likes to taunt him about that like by shoving the fried squid tentacles in his face. But she has also tried to help him get over his pickiness by sometimes putting the food in her mouth for a kiss or dousing it with sugar or using some sort of new meat in a tamale.   Estoma: Esteban still is. Though Dona once tried to guilt him into eating new foods with this (not my) quote- "I had a pet goat growing up, Jenny. When I was eight, my parents ran out of food so they made me go outside and kill her. I had to skin Jenny, cook Jenny and eat Jenny. After that, I guess I just tried not to think too much about what I was eating anymore. And, well... I made damn well sure I wouldn't be in a position where I'd have to eat my favorite pet again." The plan backfired and instead of feeling grateful for food, Esteban lost his appetite completely.

Insecurity/flaw they help the other with

Eleteo: Elena tries to help Mateo with his insecurity and self doubt that eats him up inside. After years of hiding in the shadows of his basement (and okay partially inspired by Becky’s Mateo backstory from Magic Within) Mateo really doubts his worth, his ability and his value within the kingdom as a wizard and as a person. He berated himself for not being enough. Elena has a similar problem that though Mateo can see her greatness, sometimes Elena is too consumed with her failures as a queen. But moreover, he tries to help her ease the burden of when she tries to take on everything herself. That somehow all responsibility falls to her all the time. Gababel: Gabe tries to help Isabel when it comes to her perfectionism and need to have everything right. Though he adores how Isabel’s mind works, he gets concerned about when she overanalyzes and overthinks to the point of paralysis. Meanwhile Isabel helps Gabe with his need to repress his weak emotions and how no matter how much glory he achieves as Captain, the doubt in his head in the sound of his father’s voice that says he’s not doing enough and that he’s letting people down. Estoma: Isn’t it obvious what Esteban deals with. Survivors guilt. Big time. Also a overwhelming bouts of anxiety, depression and hopelessness along with a bit of a superiority inferiority complex coming from being “El Segundo.” She tries to help ease past the sins that make him an “evil man” and see that sometimes it’s okay to allow yourself to be loved. Which is almost like pot calling kettle since Doña has major emotional repression issues. Or asEsteban says emotional constipation since it annoys her. He tries to encourage her to you know, talk about her feelings at the moment instead of bottling it up for months, cracking and being an useless emotional  wreck for a week. First impressions and how they’ve changed

Eleteo: Mateo’s first impression of Elena was first like freaked out amazement that they lost Princess was alive. Then just awe because of how brave, talented, etc etc she was. Though that sort of hero pedastle stayed, Mateo slowly got over his amazement of Elena as his queen and princess and began seeing her as a friend. He appreciated her kindness and that song during Spellbound made him realize how much Elena truly trusted in his magical expertise and cared for him. I also hc that was when Mateo first started feeling signs of a crush. Elena’s first impression of Mateo was one of relief since he got her out of the amulet. And she mainly saw him as adorkable. He was blushing, geeky wizard and of course she saw him in a very kind way but that also began to change as they developed their friendship. She saw his bravery, his dedication and enthusiasm and his moral need to do what was right and she began to see him as a true confident and ally and friend and eventual lover. Gababel: Obviously Gabe’s first impression of Isabel was that she was Elena’s kid sister. Nothing particularly big. But he did find her enthusiasm for science and inventions to be amusing even when they had been younger and the gap mattered more. The change came after Isabel grew up, went to college and returned home. He began to see her enthusiasm and sweetness in a new light. He came to know her dedication to science that was so similar to his focus on become a guard. He learned how fierce she was when it came to those she loved and her sweetness was not because of any passiveness but because she cared. Isabel saw Gabe as Elena’s cool, brave Guard Captain friend when they were younger but she did also note his kindness to her even when he didn’t really need to. So when they grew up Isabel began to see that kindness even more. How Gabe’s sense of duty wasn’t a need for glory and control but because he cared too about the well beings of those he loved. She became to understand how his anger connected to how he was raised by his father, and that confident exterior shielded a more complex and strategic mind underneath that she admired. Estenaomi: Naomi saw Esteban to be a snooty, impulsive guy-guy that thought too much of his ill-planned out plans. Esteban saw Naomi as someone who was much too sassy and hellbent on annoying him in every which way. But as the two began to hang out more together they gained a deeper understanding. They both bonded over how they wished to become something special, to do something more and make a lasting contribution. They also bonded over some of their similar insecurities in just staying in the background, Naomi as a commoner and Esteban as a pity case. Besides that Esteban began to appreciate how Naomi tried to keep things grounded and her practicality while Naomi enjoyed Esteban’s overdramatics and sense for adventure despite the consequences as thrilling and fun. Estoma: Esteban saw Doña as universal retribution sent to make his life even more difficult with her judgmental comments and two default modes- disdain or superiority when pointing out his mistakes. Doña saw him as a know it all, unfairly entitled, incompetent royal (to be fair Esteban was working for Shuriki who probably kept a long list of demands and orders that Esteban had to do while dealing with all the issues of the kingdom that she was neglected so he was more than a little harried and couldn’t give it all his 100%). However, at sometime during all their talks about finances, Esteban decided it would be a challenge to break her ice queen act and started pointing out all her mistakes in order to get her to snap. It took at least two months but it worked  and then their great rivalry went off. And though it seemed like they never stopped bickering long enough to properly talk to each other, their first impressions did change a little bit. Doña saw that Esteban wasn’t incompetent, just overworked but that didn’t change just how much effort Esteban did put in when he was put in charge of something. He was methodical, dedicated, still too proud about his knowledge but he also had a soft heart. Esteban began to see that under the haughty arrogance was someone who valued hard work even above the amount of riches earned, still far too opinionated but also concerned with tradition and stability which he could appreciate after what he had lost. How do they handle disagreement between each other and making up afterwards?Eleteo: It would be tense I think with clipped words and some high emotions. But generally, they try to keep calm and they have a rule that they cannot walk away from the other in anger. The two talk out their disagreements and then have a cooling off period. By the time they return to the other, they both apologize and hug. Making up consists of extra time spent together so to assure each other that there are no hurt feelings and to calmly discuss that previous argument which means so little in the long run. Elena heaps up a lot of cuddles too. Estenaomi: The two usually separate after they have a major fight so they can cool off and think about things in a more rational manner. Then Esteban might come by her house with a treat or Naomi would stop by his room. Then they would try to talk it over like adults. Afterwards, they would spend some time on her ship, eating food and go back to their usual bantering since that is their version of normalcy and everything is okay again. Gababel: It would actually have a lot of yelling. Isabel is as stubborn as Gabe sometimes so they both refuse to budge on the issue. There would be a point that neither has anything else to argue so they stop, take a breath and return to the beginning. Most of the anger/passion is gone so they could approach things more rationally. Making up consists of lots of apologizing from both ends, hugging, and reassurances. If Gabe made Isabel cry, you can bet there would be some groveling too even if it goes a bit overboard. Estoma: In business disagreements, their general professionalism allows them to look past it to get a solution. In more personal disagreements, they are just very passive aggressive until one of them snaps and they start yelling at each other. Their make ups comprise of reluctant apologies and cautious small talk with a calming dinner afterwards. If one really feels bad, there might be a present the next morning. Gababel: It would actually have a lot of yelling. Isabel is as stubborn as Gabe sometimes so they both refuse to budge on the issue. There would be a point that neither has anything else to argue so they stop, take a breath and return to the beginning. Most of the anger/passion is gone so they could approach things more rationally. Making up consists of lots of apologizing from both ends, hugging, and reassurances. If Gabe made Isabel cry, you can bet there would be some groveling too even if it goes a bit overboard.

Nickname they give each other 

Eleteo: As taken from a fandom consensus, Elena calls Mateo, ““Wizard King” along with other endearments like mi amor and mi querida. Mateo does the same, but also calls her “Shining light” (Never while they’re in Paraíso of course).

Gababel: Isabel calls Gabe all the usual affectionate terms and he does too, but her significant one for him was “My Knight” both for the literal description of him and for how she admires his strength and chivalry. Gabe calls her his brain, and more often, his soul because she is able to help him come down from the stoic battle guard captain mask he had to take on when in a fight and remind him of the lighter sweeter things he is protecting Avalor for. 

Estenaomi: I put this under embarrassing nicknames but over time, Esteban comes to sincerely mean ““Miss Fiestypants” as an endearment since that feistiness is one of the things he loved about her. Naomi calls Esteban the Duke of Sin which she meant as a joke but he took as the highest of compliments and he insists on living up to it. Not that she’s complaining.  Estoma: Doña calls Esteban, “El Primero.” Well the full nickname is “El primero en mí corazón.” But El Primero is shorter and a nice reverse of his loathed El Segundo nickname. Esteban calls Doña the usual mí amor or mí querida. He’ll occasionally call her “Pretty Bird” or “Labia Plata” which means silver tongue. 

[steveharrington]

what are your top 10 fav breaking bad episodes?

10. Bug (4x09) 

this episode has TOO many iconic moments. skyler scamming the IRS by pretending to be dumb, gus walking toward the bullets, mike telling walter to shut the fuck up and leave jesse alone, jesse having dinner with gus, and then the Ultimate moment where jesse beats walter the fuck up and pulls the “can you walk? good :) then get the fuck out of my house :)” card GOD the whole episode is like the start of jesse’s realization that he should trust mike and gus more than walter and it feels so good to watch

9. Shotgun (4x05)

after a whole season of watching jesse in a deep depression it’s such a relief to reach this episode. the COMEDY of the start where walter storms into los pollos with a GUN and the music is so intense and hes like WHERES GUS FRING WHERE IS HE WHAT HAS HE DONE WITH JESSE and then on the phone jesse is just like “im fine” like god its literally unbeatable. it’s obviously the beginning of mike and jesse’s relationship, plus on another level the beginning of gus and jesse’s Real relationship because it signals the first time gus begins to trust him. PLUS provided us with the iconic you are not the guy youre not capable of being the guy i had a guy but now i dont you. are not. the guy. 

8. Dead Freight (5x05)

i know everyone says dead freight but dude.......it’s such a fantastic episode from start to finish! it’s such a weird combination of like, drama thriller but also sitcom hilarity? because obviously the stakes are really high and you know that if they get caught they’re going to prison like, forever, and also jesse could have straight up got run over by a train but at the same time it’s hilarious? i also love the emphasis on jesse being a problem solver at this point in the show and being able to accomplish things that even walt and mike can’t necessarily do without him. the last 60 seconds..........well we dont have to talk about that

7. Rabid Dog (5x12)

okay originally i wasn’t going to put any 5b eps on here, not because they aren’t amazing but because they aren’t exactly the kind of thing i can put on in the background and rewatch yknow? but rabid dog is so amazing because its FINALLY the point where jesse is done with walter. like it’s the final severance between them and just watching walter’s panic grow throughout the episode as he realizes that it’s going to end with one of them dying but not being able to accept that is just ... fantastic. it summarizes the complexity of their dynamic so succinctly for a single episode

6. Peekaboo (2x06)

obviously a quintessential jesse episode deserves a spot on the list. everyone is always like “this is the episode where i fell in love with jesse!!!!” and like personally i was already in love with him but yeah this episode confirmed it. it’s the first episode in the Jesse Loves Kids saga obviously and it presents the conflict he feels over like, the secondhand guilt he feels over supplying the product that puts the kid in his shitty living situation but also the knowledge that he’s trapped now. when he goes back into the house for the kid and tells him to close his eyes it’s like.......a compromise that jesse holds onto for the rest of the series. he knows he’s doing bad things but he tries to find ways to make them even a little better

5. 4 Days Out (2x09)

bottle episode #1 baby! one of the earliest episodes that is entirely dedicated to walter and jesse’s dynamic and it’s just.....classic brba. cooking in the RV out in the desert baby! jesse being dumb! walter being an asshole! ah wiiiiiiiiiiire! it’s such a good like.....foundation episode. it’s one of those episodes that you rewatch after finishing the series and you’re like “god everything has changed so much” and honestly if someone wanted to watch like One episode of breaking bad to get the gist of the whole show i would probably suggest 4 days out

4. Sunset (3x06)

another literal classic and also the first episode i watched with my mom hehe so it has a special place in my heart. in some ways it’s a very tragic episode because watching the RV get destroyed literally made me cry, but it’s so thrilling and exciting and it sets up the conflict between hank and jesse which is honestly a fav. i honestly don’t even have that much to say about it i just......love this episode it’s so rewatchable. and this is my own private domicile and i will not be harassed bitch!

3. Full Measure (3x13)

remember when Bill Hader was like “you know the end of an episode of TV that makes you gasp and wait all week for the next episode, well breaking bad has those moments constantly throughout the entire 60 minutes” THIS is the kind of episode that applies to! the battle and shifting power between gus and walter is obviously center stage but ultimately it comes down to jesse. the shot in the arcade where jesse is sitting alone and there’s the single red light GOD LETS GET INTO BREAKING BAD COLOR THEORY BABY! the episode is just so ..... dramatic and intense but artful and careful and ultimately it contains arguably the biggest moment for jesse’s character arc in the whole series

2. ABQ (2x13)

okay not to be a demon but i love this episode endlessly. i wish i could just combine it with Pheonix but i cant so ultimately i choose this one (despite it not having the water on mars conversation) it’s clearly like one of the saddest in the entire series especially for jesse but it’s so good. the introduction of mike automatically makes it memorable but the scene of jesse and walter in the crack den is burned forever into my memory its just so.....haunting. and in this episode i can FEEL myself being manipulated by walter. like i JUST watched him let jane die and i still catch myself watching ABQ and going “aw he’s talking jesse down.....he’s holding him........he’s taking him to rehab........” and that’s exactly what walter DOES to people and to catch him doing it to YOU is insane 

1. Fly (3x10)

taylor u literally knew this was coming sdkfjsdfkj yeah i think this is the greatest episode in the whole show ok! ozymandias whom! yeah it’s another bottle episode but i think it’s better than 4 days out in accomplishing the ultimate goal of a bottle episode which, to me, is putting the characters together in isolation for so long that eventually their boundaries fall down. i mean obviously the concussion and drugs are part of the reason that walter starts getting so open with jesse, but the fact that they’re enclosed in the lab until walter can accomplish a meaningless goal that’s borne from paranoia just makes the conversations they have that much more meaningful. i know a lot of people don’t like this episode because its “boring” but to me, when i watch tv shows, i ACHE for even one of the single moments that this entire episode is comprised of. the fact that vince was like “okay and now let’s dedicate an entire episode to this lingering guilt that walter feels over killing jesse’s girlfriend an entire season ago and that’s the whole thing” is so bold but also so admirable because he’s truly giving something so huge (jane’s death) the attention it deserves where most shows would just sort of drop it to make room for more plot. im literally rambling but it’s just a perfect balance of what we know, what walter knows, and what jesse knows which are all conflicting and battling. “it’s not coming down, it’s staying up there forever” like ARE YOU KIDDING ME

[ladylilithium]

Hans’ possible Redemption Arc PART 1: Deconstructing Hans' character

Hey, guys! So this is my first post analysis, meta, observation, whatever you wanna call it, so if it’s seems incomplete or lacks of depth please add your opinions as well! Also English is not my first language but argentine Spanish, papá, so don’t judge me plz. I don’t want to encounter with any anti or hater, and if you have the necessity to speak your mind anyways, do it but in a cordial way.

I’m going to divide this post in 3 parts I think, since is very long, and I have a lot to say for my favorite Jerk redhead Prince 😆

Ok, let’s start, shall we?

_________________________________________

1) Is he really a sociopath?

You know, this is something that upsets me quite a bit. The fact that you can just say “Oh well, he’s a sociopath so he’s manipulative and lacks of empathy” is something that annoys me a little, or at the very least, disappoints me. TBH, you don’t need to be a sociopath (a psychological and mental condition) to be manipulative, apathetic or cruel. I’m trying not to rationalize his actions in Frozen, because he still was wrong by harming two innocent women, but by saying that he’s a sociopath it makes his character a little more… shallow? Simpler? My point is, that a shitty toxic person can be anyone, and it simplifies the complexity that they brought on the table on the first place.

But the questions still remains, is he truly a sociopath?

Is tricky, since we know nothing except that his family is shit, and that he is a chameleon, a mirror to other people. By the end of the movie, and by the interviews that Jennifer Lee gave to us, it seems to me that he does have sociopathic traits, but he is not a sociopath per se. Hans can be a sociopath, as much as he could be not, if it’s given a proper character in-depth and backstory.

I think that by calling Hans a sociopath is an easy way to make the GA and the Frozen Fandom to disconnect with him since statistically we have normal-functioning brain, and because people with ASPD diagnose have a negative -though justified most of the time- stigma surrounding them.

2) Grey Morality: The line between good and bad, where we all fall.

“All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day.”  ― Alan Moore, Batman: The Killing Joke.

As I said before, I like the idea of a morally questionable prince. A more grounded, realistic, game of throne-like character as Hans is. What I don’t like, is the seemingly automatic white to black view that we have for Hans,  while at the same time, we have one of our protagonist letting almost die a whole kingdom, and her sister,  to escape her duties and crippling fears –unintentionally, but still-.  An empath or normal person can commit crime or bad things given in extremes situations of distress, anger, etc. And we see that with our own eyes in Elsa. She almost gets tempted to kill two men, you can see the fury in her eyes, in her face. 

It is self defense, yes. But regardless of that, her people knew nothing about her powers and they just knew that she cursed them and ran away. No matter how morally wrong Hans was by trying to kill Elsa, or letting Anna die, he also helped her. He helped them both.

If she indeed killed those men here, I don’t think anyone whould’ve ever trusted her. Not even her own men, whom remember, they witnessed her actions and they were attacked too. 

A normal person lies. A normal person manipulates. Heck, we even can choose to not feel empathy if it is inconvenient for ourselves.  How many times did you pretend to feel empathy for someone just to make them feel comfortable? How many times did you see a homeless person asking for a money and you just walked away?

Again, I’m not trying to normalize these negative traits, but to be sincere about it. And is something that makes us very complex as human beings, we are true neutrals, and we can be good or bad, depending of the actions taken at certain moments, and how it impacts to others.

Yes, some people are irredeemable monsters, but I don’t think that’s Hans’ case. And so he does have redeemable qualities as well, even if it might be for personal gain, or perhaps some of his actions were genuine, we don’t know for sure. 

When did we not see an ambiguous morality in Frozen? Or when did we not see ambiguous morality in some Disney characters, in general? Is hard to find, but we do certainly have our morally wrong characters redeemed. Here are a few: 

- Abused both physically and psychologically Cinderella. CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.

-Imprisoned Belle. -Verbally violent towards his subjects and Belle. -Almost harms physically Belle. CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.

-Killed a bear out of vengeance. -Let motherless a bear cub, that after he would befriend. CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.

-Almost kill a bear out of vengeance too. On top of that, was his own brother (though he didn’t know). CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.

-Tried to kill Simba and take his pride. -(invoked) Forced mating with Kiara. -Almost attacks Simba. CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.

-Tried to kill Simba. -Attacked the lionesses of his pride. CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.

-He was an asshole to everyone. -He ordered a guard to throw an old man through a window (still lol). -He tried to let homeless a whole village for his selfish desires. -He betrayed Pacha’s trust. -He let Pacha on his own fate (probably to die). CURRENT STATE: Redeemed. 

-Along with Syndrome, she plotted the death of many superheros, including Mr. Incredible. -Almost kill Mr. Incredible. -She almost kill a whole family, including the children.  CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.

-He tried to kill Elsa, and let Anna die alone for personal gain. -Deceived Anna, Elsa and everyone else. -Plotted the death of Elsa at some point in the movie (unclear when exactly). -Degraded verbaly Anna. -He tried to break Elsa’s heart to make her give up her life. Redeemable Qualities: -He took care of Arendelle while Elsa and Anna were gone (though, it still can be interpreted as gaining popularity). -He went off to look out for Anna. -He ordered the Arendelle guards and the Merchant’s not to harm Elsa. -He calmed Elsa’s rage, avoiding her to kill. -He tried to reason with her.

Elsa is shown that suffers of guilt and insecurities, yet throughout the majority of the movie, she still rejects Anna and her responsibilities as Queen. Even to a point where she witnesses hurting Anna with her magic,

 yet she just casts her away from her Ice Castle. Or after the misery that she caused -and she’s visibly hurt by that- she’s still thinking of running away, instead of trying to change things. Hans pleaded her to stop the winter and bring back summer, but she said that she couldn’t.

My goal here is not victim-blaming. I’m not blaming Elsa for her insecurities or self-defense actions. But her character at the end of the film, has a lazy realization, and for me, an unsatisfactory conclusion in terms of story-telling, because we never she her develop for herself, or working hard to balance her bad actions throughout the end of the movie, but anyway.

I’m not trying to rationalize morally questionable/wrong actions either. A good action doesn’t cancel the bad one, but my main interest is to analyze the human psyche, character growth and development.

3) Love and Fear: a constant subject in Frozen, and a constant subject for a “Prince”.

So cut through the heart, cold and clear Strike for love and strike for fear See the beauty, sharp and sheer Split the ice apart, and break the frozen heart.

—Disney’s Frozen “Heart”

DID HANS ACT ONLY OUT OF COLD AMBITION, OR HE WAS ALSO AFRAID?

For what we know from A Frozen Heart, interviews and extra information, is that Hans is abused so much by his brothers, that he just accepted their behavior and doesn’t fight back, is something normal for him. Nor he tries to improve his relationship with them. His relationship with his father is also painfully cold and toxic, and their dynamics are comparable to Zuko and Ozai, Tyrion and Tywin, or Theon and Balon. Hans seems to have an inferiority-superiority complex, and so, his pride is fragile and as well (just as previous Zuko, Theon and Tyrion).

But how? He’s very charming, and his body language never shows signals of insecurity (though that’s debatable). Or when he confesses his true intentions to Anna he has a sexy smug smile in his face, and his voice is soft and low, cruel and never trembling. How is that I believe that he was afraid or scared? Well, the movie itself states that he does have a terrible relationship with his brothers, the novelizations extends this to his father. 

So by knowing this, a person copes with the pain and abuse in different ways: Elsa’s fear is hurting her loved ones, so she forced herself to an emotional -and literal- isolation towards them, specially with Anna. In Hans’ case, his fears are being trapped forever in his “home”, and being rejected by his father. So his way to acclimatizing himself in such negative environment, is to avoid his true feelings and morality. Avoiding his true identity, in essence. Thus, becoming into the Mirror Hans (more on that later), allowing him to become the very thing that he actively tried to avoid for years.

I think that here’s the point where he started to panic; where the fear of going back to his depressive life, and the taste of power that Anna gave him when she left him in charge, took him over completely, forcing himself to toss apart any bit of  true morality and compassion that he had for Anna and Elsa. Where his mind started to realize that executing Elsa was the only way to bring things back to normal. 

But is also the fact that Anna dissapeared, and Elsa was the only rightful heir to Arendelle, so his conflict was “What do I do? What’s next?” If Hans decided at the moment to execute her, and Anna was dissapeared, he wouldn’t get to be King of Arendelle, and he would back to his hell home. His conflict is both emotional and materialistic, and fear started to get under his skin too. Some might argue that he’s just reflecting Elsa’s emotions, which is valid, but keep in mind his goals, his backstory; try to read him beyond what the movie told you. Link the dots to picture his mind. 

Some other might point out this scene.

[SIDENOTE: To me, it seems like another atempt to make us dislike him more. In my eyes, is like that the creators tried to manipulate us to hate him, but anyway don’t mind my defensiveness towards him LOL. He’s a terrible person Angie! Stop it, goddamit!]

It interpreted this part as Hans joy of finally seeing the chance of escaping his prisonic home, dehumanizing Elsa completly. WHICH IS BAD regardless. Is he a sadist? The book implies that he takes pleasure in feeling physical pain, but he does not take pleasure on harming others. 

So to me, is a smile of almost getting to win a big bad in a videogame, or well... that’s the type of face when I’m about to eat a pizza so, IDK :v 🤷‍♀️

THE MACHIAVELLIAN KING VS THE MACHIAVELLIAN PRINCE: The Lion and the Fox.

One of the reasons that Hans didn’t fit his family -besides being the smaller and weaker member of them-, is that his morale and philosophy clashed with the imposing, hard power that his father values. Being flexible and benevolent to the common people is a sign of weakness for Hans’ father and brothers. The king sees himself and his other sons as strong and powerful as lions, and he compares Hans to a mouse because he doesn’t fight back, nor shares his value of hard power. The King’s philosophy is kinda like Darwinism with Machiavellian shades. So in one side, we have the cruel side of the Machiavellian philosophy, the one that values fear over love:

“From this arises the question whether it is better to be loved rather than feared, or feared rather than loved. It might perhaps be answered that we should wish to be both: but since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved.”

“One can say this in general of men: they are ungrateful, disloyal, insincere and deceitful, timid of danger and avid of profit...Love is a bond of obligation that these miserable creatures break whenever it suits them to do so; but fear holds them fast by a dread of punishment that never passes.”

But in Hans’ side, he believes (or puts in practice, at least) that appearances and benevolent acts are better way to influence people, to gain more popularity. This is the softer side of power, the more deceitful and diplomatic Machiavellian route:

“Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you really are.”

“Never attempt to win by force what can be won by deception.”

“Therefore it is unnecessary for a prince to have all the good qualities I have enumerated, but it is very necessary to appear to have them. And I shall dare to say this also, that to have them and always to observe them is injurious, and that to appear to have them is useful; to appear merciful, faithful, humane, religious, upright, and to be so, but with a mind so framed that should you require not to be so, you may be able and know how to change to the opposite.”

So we see the two opposing sides of the Machiavellian philosophy, one relies on hard power, and the other in subtle power. In essence, Hans’ father rejects the soft power because of his imposing pride and ego. But both characters share the same Machiavellian influence in their beliefs, the only difference is that Hans takes no joy in being cruel and tyrannical, thus preferring the softer, more subtle side of power. 

Yet at the end of the day, he embraces the cruelty, and fails to become the hero he expected to become, and by the time he realizes his mistakes and regains his morality, is too late.

What I’d like to see in Hans’ Redemption Arc, is a discussion between the characters (mainly Hans and Elsa) about this matter. An intellectual battle, and him realizing that his father was wrong. Not so in-your-face, because I can see people getting bored over political philosophy, but in a metaphorical way. And Hans coming in terms that deceitfulness and fear, aren’t the only way to gain trust, but love and true friendship as well. 

He can be a fox, and a lion too.

“The lion cannot protect himself from traps, and the fox cannot defend himself from wolves. One must therefore be a fox to recognize traps, and a lion to frighten wolves.”

― Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince

Part 2 Here

[violetsystems]

#personal

Home has been pretty peaceful lately as opposed to the outside world.  I think I’m getting less sensitive about things when I step out the door or at least how they project back to me.  Opinions about you never really go away.  Sometime that’s fair enough.  They can evolve or dissolve depending on your level of engagement and accountability.  I don’t expect a lot out of people in this city anymore.  If I dwell on the past I get angry and maybe rightfully so.  Expressing that anger doesn’t change the past.  It’s a waste of breath and a poor excuse to raise your blood pressure.  The mind fuck of it all was knowing you did the right thing by clocking out of society.  Living with that decision years later is still perplexing.  It is silent enough behind closed doors where I’m able to sort through my emotions more.  They don’t bubble up to the surface all at once.  I do get triggered, depressed and agitated often.  Life right now is not an ideal situation at times.  They say without struggle art cannot truly exist.  I’m not an artist.  I work at an art school by day.  I have a failed music career to bury at night.  I still post up tracks here for the sake of context.  There’s no way I’d even consider the fight to get back into music and fame.  I have no desire to bring that chaos back into my life.  It doesn’t pay enough for the time spent and I don’t particularly enjoy it anymore.  Kind of like quitting drinking three years ago.  Although I would never even consider drinking again.  It just isn’t me anymore.  What is me is probably most apparent on this blog from week to week.  This space is kind of like home to me.  A place where I can be honest and at least know people will appreciate the context.  It’s a narrative in a vast swarm of overlapping conversations much like life.  It gets passed over more often than you would think.  The deafening visualization of being completely invisible after all this would scare most people.  To me it’s more scary to know why I’m so far off the radar.  I’m a person people talk about for sure.  It is awkward to know that it does nothing for me.  In fact whatever compounded interest I’ve gained from being infamous has broken large portions of my life.  I would argue they weren’t worth fixing so I moved on and evolved into the Tim you know.  The Tim that keeps to himself on the weekends and sticks to the plan.  Whatever plan that is.  I don’t really know right now what is going on with my life.  I know what bills I have to pay.  I know how to do my job.  I know I worry more right now about the cat I let into my home than the news or politics.  And I know it probably shows more about me as a person how I treat the things in my life I care about.  So there isn’t really much to prove except how far I can advance in World of Warcraft before the level squish.  What a great start to a cold brutal winter.

I do continue to enjoy my life.  It sounds so persistent.  Almost like a MMORPG.  Real life sims has me more focused on my cat’s diet than revolution overseas.  Since she’s been inside I’ve found she’s doesn’t take to dry food well.  Most cats don’t.  She threw up just outside the litter box.  She’s been eating wet food more tolerably.  I gave her a bath too so that might have something to do with it.  I left her home two days in a row.  The other tabby still shows up on the doorstep but that’s a more complex operation.  I’m still not sure two cats is the right decision.  She acknowledges the other cat still but generally prefers to stay inside.  She’s makes it a point to trot to the kitchen when I open the door at the opposite end of my apartment.  I try to pay attention to all of this to make sure she adjusts well.  But really at the end of the day I just adopted a stray cat into my life after three years.  The last two cats I had inherited from a previous relationship.  I watched both die.  One was quick.  The other a couple of days.  But I lived with a complex grief for a long time only to have another life waltz back in.  Such is the cycle of life.  Persistent and amazing if you pay attention.  Which might explain how magic in life actually happens.  We focus on so many trivial arguments with no real intention on acting on any of it.  And the real opportunities just drift on by.  I’m right here.  Little moments over the years I seized brought me to this moment in the kitchen.  A living and breathing calico cat sitting at my feet as I write this.  A reflection of what I choose to surround myself with that came out of nowhere.  Another quiet and well behaved presence.  Real recognize real I guess.  I’ve seen a raccoon wandering around gangway.  I’ve held a raccoon in my arms in South Korea the very last time I visited.  I’m not adopting any trash pandas any time soon.  But if you ask me what really interests me and speaks to me you’d know I’m right where I need to be.  Nobody asks.  This is why I love animals so much.  They don’t understand a word you’ve said.  They don’t pretend to.  They have their own language.  English doesn’t mean shit to them.  No matter how many complex words you throw at them.  They do understand the kindness you give.   Human beings are another story.  I am sincere sometimes to a fault.  I think we all can be.  It’s awkward when someone doesn’t realize you were just trying to be genuine.  Because they can’t see genuine in themselves I guess.  But when you’ve been genuine now for decades it’s alarmingly real to know how opposite the world really is.  It is punishing to be ignored.  To watch literal sacks of shit parade around in their greasy ass aesthetics and talk loudly about how great they are.  The great work they do.  They work other people did that they take credit for.  If people can’t see, appreciate and respect your own value it’s like pushing a boulder uphill.  It’s looks strenuous proving your right to breath to people who’ll never care enough to hear your side of the story.  So I just let the boulder roll down the hill and find another grassy knoll to picnic on.  That’s a Robert Kennedy joke.  Or maybe even Oliver Stone.  Way to stay edgy regardless.

I do recognize that people actually value my opinion these days.  I don’t think I would have gotten invited to do product reviews for Japanese apparel companies if they didn’t.  That’s a strange thing to realize you are evolving into.  That people trust my take on things I spend money on.  It gets somewhat annoying in public.  There’s some very real utility in putting the data out there when you write a review.  I write here weekly enough to know I’m kind of reviewing my own life.  My glowing one star rating isn’t a real sell I’m aware.  When you’ve tried so hard to get where you need to be and been largely ignored and picked over it’s easy enough to feel worthless.  But the internet is a persistent and relentless timeline.  It’s hard for people to forget what you’ve done.  They always dig it up years later and throw it back in your face when you run for office.  I don’t particularly have much to hide after all these manual scrobbles into my history.  You’d think people would just know by now.  And maybe they do.  They just don’t care enough to respect anything but themselves.  They misread the results and warp the information.  That’s why I talk less in public.  The public record of passing conversation is very unreliable.  Look at the impeachment investigation.  I keep all my love letters on a private server encrypted twice over in plain sight.  The reliability of the testimony of the only sworn witness being myself.  I’m never going to run for public office.  The most I ever want to be is a father and a loving husband.  For now I babysit cats and try to be a good manager.  If somebody asked me point black what I care about you know how I would respond.  And nobody ever asks I think because they don’t want to hear the truth.  They don’t want to believe I’m on the right track.  What does that say about the rest of society if the best thing for me is to stay indoors, pay my utilities and play Blizzard games in the face of fascism.  I’m still amazed people justify eating Chik-Fil-A in an arts environment.  I’m almost surprised when I call people out on it they just ignore me and continue on lusting after that chicken sandwich.  I buy enough Bell and Evans frozen chicken to know.  But when there’s an excuse to talk about Hong Kong freedom I have to face the music.  Does any of it matter outside the space of the water cooler in reality I’m not sure.  That’s not my place to speak on it apparently on either side of the argument.  I’m a captive audience.  And this probably points to the huge disconnect at the center of all these well meant discussions.  It’s not a conversation.  There’s debate but no compromise.  Just performance.  In hindsight it doesn’t really change the situation at hand.  There are things you can change where you are at right now.  The life you have control over.  That life is my own.  I have made conscious acts to do better.  I live in the wake of that.  I enjoy where it’s brought me.  I don’t think I’ve even started the bulk of the journey yet.  But I’m not going to sit here and be miserable about it.  I don’t have any guilt about the way I choose to live after all these missteps and doubts.  I just keep writing the same old shit until I sound more sure about it.  I’m sure I am enjoying the Mandalorian for the second time in a row.  And I’m sure I’ll be around to tell you more about it next weekend.  Everything else I’m not so sure about will work itself out in time.  That’s not my decision to make.  I have a safe place to wait out the process.  Edgy memes and political jokes nothwithstanding.  <3 Tim

[jawsandbones]

someone pointed out to me that fenris and zevran are kind of similar, in terms of their history & upbringing, but their personalities are so different for some reason i see them as more dissimilar than alike. do you think they're more alike or different? and in their similarities where do you think they diverge in how they deal with their past traumas?

Hello anon! Thank you so much for asking me! 

I do feel that their pasts and upbringing are very similar. The way they choose to deal with their personal history and their drama are wildly different. 

Zevran was orphaned shortly after birth. He was raised in a brothel until the age of seven, until he was bought by the Crows. He didn’t join the Crows, he didn’t have a choice. If you bring Zevran with you to the Circle tower and into the Fade, you can see a taste of what his upbringing was like. An orphan, raised in a brothel, bought and sold, but Zevran wants to live as much as he wants to die so he tries to be ‘worthy’ of the Crows. Of the eighteen recruits that went through training with him, only two survived - Zevran, and Taliesen. 

Fenris was born to an elven slave in Tevinter, and had a sister. By all means, he could have even had a happy childhood. That was all taken from him when he participated in a ‘tournament’ to have his mother and sister freed. (”You said you didn’t ask for this, but that’s not true. You wanted it, you competed for it.”)The reason why he fought was lost to him, and anything that came before. He effectively orphaned himself. His master became his whole world and so Fenris tried to be worthy of him. There were likely many experiments, but only Fenris survived. 

Zevran throws himself at the Warden because it’s a chance to be free of the Crows. A chance to die and pretend that it’s not the outcome that he wanted. Unless you’re deep into a romance with Zevran, he never talks about what happened to him and how he feels about it. Any companion dialogue that tries to pry into his past and what he’s done is immediately shut down. With humor and jokes, because it’s easier to shift the topic and chuckle than it is to face it. He lies and laughs because he can barely process his own guilt and depression. It takes him so long to open up to the Warden. 

Fenris wears what’s been done to him like armor. Besides the fact that there’s hardly anyway to hide it - it’s literally embedded in the skin. No you can tell, just from the way he is and acts and how he’ll openly admit he was a slave. It’s noticeable in his idle animations, and the way he stands and runs. He is always looking left and right, over his shoulder. Shifting from foot to foot, slightly hunched over so he can reach his sword easier. He’s afraid. He doesn’t trust his freedom, he doesn’t trust Kirkwall, he barely trusts himself. The first time you meet him, he runs into that mansion shouting, “face me! Danarius!” As if he isn’t scared to death. 

Zevran doesn’t believe himself worthy of love and affection but Fenris craves it like water. Fenris risks everything to find Varania, to find his family. He probably knew, from the moment he first started thinking about finding her, about the risk of Danarius. He states it when he asks Hawke to come along - he believes it’s a trap. But he still goes. He’s spent so long running and lying to himself that he could take on Danarius by himself, but the only time he ever faces Danarius is to get to his family. This thing that he wants so badly betrays him, gives him up to the monster who tortured him, and unless Hawke talks him out of it, Fenris will kill Varania.

Taliesen was the only other recruit that survived with Zevran. They grew up together, trained together, went on missions together and were close friends. They were likely the only friends they had. Family. The two of them probably got each other through Crow training by support of each other. After a year of being free, of being with the Warden, Zevran faces his one and only friend from his horrible past. If the Warden has shown that Zevran is worth more than his guilt, than his regret, than his past, then Zevran will kill Taliesen.

Fenris fought for his freedom. Tooth and nail, he ran. Looking over his shoulder at every turn, not knowing whether or not the stranger on the street is a hunter or not. Every person is a risk, every connection a chain. 

Zevran fought for his freedom. He asked for an impossible task, because death is the only freedom he could see. Keeping a knife under his pillow, not knowing whether or not the Warden might kill him. By leaving the Crows, he passed his chain to the Warden. 

Hawke asks for nothing in return for Fenris’s friendship. They aren’t looking to use him as a bodyguard, a weapon, a mindless beast for their will. They ask him on every job, pay him coin, help him find the freedom he’s looking for. 

The Warden asks for nothing in return for Zevran’s friendship. They never order him to kill some helpless target, they give him a purpose and sense of will he never had. They ask him to train them, give him gifts, help him find the freedom he’s looking for. 

Both Zevran and Fenris initially walk away from the romance. Fenris is confronted by the fact that he isn’t whole and that the shackles of being a slave still rankle around his soul. 

Zevran tries to show affection but can’t put it into words, can’t admit that he is more than a Crow anymore.They taught him not to feel but now he is, and that makes him that orphan again, makes him vulnerable. 

Zevran laughs through his pain. Fenris wears it on his sleeve. Fenris is angry with what’s been done to him. Zevran is miserable with what he’s done. Fenris breaks bottles against walls, Zevran attempts to lose himself in pleasure. They both have found some sort of freedom but doesn’t know what it means or where to go from there. They want connections but fear them, want to be loved but are afraid of betrayal.

And when they’ve put distance between their past and those who held their chains? They both have dry wit, are extremely clever, flirt with ease and with charm, and are able to be themselves. Hawke and the Warden help them make peace with what’s been done to them and help them face the future. 

I find it interesting that they both use the same line when in a romance with the Warden and Hawke - “I am yours.” I think it must have stunned the Warden and Hawke at first. Especially knowing their history. But - they aren’t submitting themselves back into slavery. They give their feelings willingly because they want to, because Hawke and the Warden have earned it. 

They are both incredibly complex and layered characters. If they sat down and talked, I think they’d find they have a lot of common ground. 

[v3-killing-harmony-imagines]

While I can relate to this in a way, it’s not exactly like this, anyways I hope everything is okay anon!

-Mod Shuichi

potential trigger warning 

Shuichi Saihara

He had a hunch that something was up

Wearing long sleeves almost all the time, having a habit of crossing your arms....

It was just a thought that floated in the back of his mind.

He noticed your sleeve falling down as you went to pick up something and saw the gleaming contrast of stark white lines against darker, fleshier skin.

He...looked away once he saw you looking, awkwardly fidgeting with his hands and his gaze downcast.

“You can ask.” You said.

“Huh?”

“About my arms, I’m sure it’s been killing you.”

He frowned. “Yeah, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable...”

 “If you are I’ll let you know, okay?”

He sighed, but nodded, leading you to sit down.

It’ll be a long conversation, with Shuichi trying his best to paraphrase some...touchy questions.

Ex: what made you do this, are you still doing it- and most importantly-  how can he help.

Please be patient with him, he has your best interest in mind. 

Amami Rantarou:

When it comes to Rantarou’s problems he’s always very secretive and unwilling to speak about whats going on. Almost like Ouma.

But when it comes to his s/o’s issues, he’s got that covered.

But when he realized you had self-harm scars he....didn’t know how to approach this.

He could always just bite the bullet and ask up front but...he feels like that 

would end badly for the both of you.

He decides to hint at it occasionally, and every time you questioned him about it he immediately let off of the pressure.

This back and forth cycle continued on for a couple of weeks, before you finally did’t let any more of it slide.

“Just say it to my face, Amami, what do you want to know?”

“Why you’d decide to scar yourself.”

You falter for a split second, and Amami is already apologizing when you shush him.

“Its fine, you deserve to know.”

So you tell him why, or when and how it all started, where you’re at right now and what’s on your mind about the future.

“I really was concerned about you, and I wasn’t sure of how to bring it up, sorry.” he places his hand on yours, comfort evident.

He makes an oath to help your out anytime you need it, so you won’t have to suffer anymore.

Kaito Momota:

VERY VERY UNSUBTLE.

At first he asks, “Hey s/o! What are those scars you have on your arms from? They like from a fight or something.”

Your face whitens, “Uh...something like that?”

“Well when did it happen?” Kaito over here has no idea that these were caused by 

“It...Kaito I really...” you sighed. “It’s not like what you think.”

“What is it then....?”

You explain it to him, and as you keep talking you can see the confused yet excited look slide off of his face like a greasy egg in a pan.

And he just, psychically can;t say anything, he’s actually breaking out in a sweat.

“Doesn’t that...hurt..?”

“In more ways than one.”

“Then...why?”

He starts blaming himself, asking if he wasn’t good enough, if he couldn’t make you happy.

He’s not happy about it, he has to leave the room because his emotions are getting the best of him. 

Things are....awlkward, needless to say, for a while.

He does want to help it just...he feels weird about it, the idea of you hurting yourself...it sends a shiver down his spine.

He’s a bit selfish during this, and he knows and he hates it, because you should be the one being afraid if anything, not him.

But it’s new to him, and he’s terrified of this new way he has to think about you (because it is, he;s always thought of you as happy and cheerful) 

It’s a change of his perspective, and it’s rocky at first but you two will work through it together.

Kiibo: 

He’s confused when he first sees them, and asks if you’ve been in contact with any gerbils or cats lately.

A really, really feral gerbil or cat.

Because what else could cause so many scars and marks?

Due to his misconception you just...let him think what he wants for a while, until you’re comfortable with telling him 

And so for the longest time Kiibo goes around telling everyone that you’re being attacked by wild animals daily.

Unfortunately, Ouma eventually finds out about this, growing quiet when you enter a room, vague hinting at it sometimes.

You’ll be having a conversation with him just a normal, before his demeanor changes and he says. “How long are you going to keep lying to Kiibo?”

He then reverts back to his bubbly self, pretending like nothing happened.

From Ouma’s “encouragement” and your guilt from not telling Kiibo, you decide to tell him once and for all.

And at first he’s confused, until you bring up you’ve done it to yourself.

“Oh, self-harm and hatred, usually caused by anxiety or depression.”

He takes it surprisingly well, reassuring (or boasting on his part) that he was always searching for causes from external parties, not internal.

He isn’t very...delicate, when it comes to talking about emotional subjects like depression, etc, but he understands it, and knows the steps to take in order to help you.

Just...call him out when you feel uncomfortable, and tell him what he needs to do, he’ll adapt very quickly, and if anything, you’ll be closer by the end of it.

Ouma Kokichi:

He always had a hunch that something was up, but for the life of him he could never figure out what.

He’d try and pry the information out of you, but when you don’t even know what you’re asking someone to confess it makes things difficult.

So he sat, and schemed for a while, helplessly waiting for a clue to pass by.

When he does get this clue, it’d from another person, Kiibo, Maki, Kaede- someone who’s close to you.

And he’s shocked, and feels betrayed.

Not because you didn’t tell him, but because you told someone else before him.

He know its petty for him to think like that but he’s too busy being jealous to think of anything else.

His whole meaner around you will change, hawk-eye- staring at you as you walk into the room, giving hints that you should probably just tell the truth to him, basically everything he can do physically without actually having to straight up ask you.

This method takes too long, so finally he just decides to ask you “Do you not trust me enough to tell me the truth.”

He’s a big walking hypocrite, god knows that he’s not one for telling the truth to anyone. 

He’s fed up with the situation , and mostly himself that he just gets up, makes an excuse and leaves.

The next time you talk to him it’s to talk things out and explain why you told others before him.

He’s angry, but it’s not anger at you, at himself for not being able to protect you, to make you think you couldn’t tell him.

He’s crying, actually fucking crying because he thinks of the pain you’ve gone through just because he was stupid enough not to put two and two together.

You reassure him it’s not his fault, that you didn’t want him seeing you so broken, he’ll still blame himself.  “I love you, I don’t want you to ever, ever fucking forget that.” He clenches his teeth. “Okay?” his voice quavers, and the night is spent close together, tears being shed and bodies shaking.

Korekiyo Shinguji:

He’s a calmer, quieter reactor.

He never wanted to pry into it, as he knows that there are things people just want to keep to himself.

When you do tell him he thanks you for trusting him enough to share him with that information

He gently asks what was the cause behind all of this, and suggests other methods to vent your feelings.

Like painting or drawing on yourself, slapping yourself with rubber bands, he even discuses the idea of going to a therapist.

And if you want other methods of pain, there’s pleanty.

(Aka, more sexual, and delivered to one by another person, not drawing blood or a lot of it at least)

Overall he’s very supportive, willing to do about anything if it means helping you.

he adapts very quickly, and nothing has changed between the two of you.

Gonta Gokuhara: 

Just like with most things, he’s clueless and can’t wrap his head around it.

He’s just always assumed those marks were from an animal or thorn, some outdoor elements.

The first time he actually considers that it might be something else, he assumes someone has hurt you, and freaks out.

When you get him to calm down, and reassure him that no one has hurt him, he’s relieved,  but still a little puzzled.

When or if you do tell them that the marks are self-inflicted he honestly doesn’t understand why someone would want to hurt themselves.

You have to teach him that there’s people who...are in a lot of pain and do things because of it.

By the end of it he doesn’t understand the psychological element behind it, but understands that you’re in pain, which makes you do it.

So, to help out , he asks you what he can do to help you not be in pain.

They range from mundane things, making sure the bed is comfy, that your shoes are the right size to more complex tasks, talking about your feelings and giving gentle head-pats, telling you he loves you.

Ryoma Hoshi:

He tapped your arms and thighs. “You too?”

You looked confused, he clarified, biting his candy cigar. 

“You have so much pain in your life that you need to cut it out of yourself to numb you, fight fire with fire as they say.”

You gulp, he releases your arm. “It’s alright.” 

He pulls up the sleeves of his jumpsuit. “I know that you’ve been through.”

Tears well up in your eyes, biting the bottom of your lip, quivering.

He opens his arms, and you dive into the, letting all your dark thoughts and releasing it.

He coos into your ear, doing his best to hush your cries.

He stays with your for as long as you need after that. 

[pinkpaganofficial-blog]

Content and trigger warnings for:

- eating disorder[s] (eds), i.e anorexia, bulimia

- me talking about my suicidal thoughts and venting (I'm ok i just need to like... "word vomit" i guess)

- abandonment by friends

- feeling repression

~~~\\

So i doubt most people on here who follow me know that I suffer from mental illness but I do and have for a very long time. All of the symptoms and effects really came out after my grandfather/best friend passed away when I was 11, 12 years ago. I fell into a hole of depression, anxiety, and disordered eating. From the time I was 11 until I was around 14 I had a very hard time with food. I was suffering from bulimia and I would do the routine binges and purges I had set for myself through the day. I'm surprised my teeth survived all of the stomich acid assaults on them honestly.

I was lonely. I felt so fucking alone in the world. I didn't have many friends. The friends I had were pretty fairweather at the time, as we were kids. They'd hop to the coolest person in their opinions on sight and leave me in the dust, and then come back when they were done, or something happened, whatever. It wasn't stable, and I was always afraid of just being deserted again. My friend who stuck with me, my grandfather, was gone. My grandmother was so in shambles that she doesnt even remember the year after he died at all. My mother is chronically ill, and even though she is and will always be there for me as long as is possible I just couldn't tell her how bad I was feeling. Maybe it was guilt because she has problems that I felt far outweighed mine (haha oh god there's the tears that actually stings).

And my dad is... well.. a dad. Sometimes dads just don't understand things like mental illness, or being an unwell person. My dad loves me. I know that, and I love him a lot too. But he can't understand how these things affect me as he's basically neurotypical in every way. He tries. But I can't find empathy there, and a lot of the time there's misunderstanding when we talk about mental illness. So I didn't tell him anything then either.

I would stay in my room a lot, or be out in the woods a lot. I would scratch up my arms with my nails until they would bleed and I would cry. I felt like I didn't care if I died at that time. My parents raised me religiously in the church and I tried very hard to have a relationship with their concept of a god. But I couldn't because to me in was just emptiness. For me, in that sense, there is nothing there. So my loneliness was running even deeper than just the physical. It was spiritual as well. And idk if anyone reading this has experienced spiritual emptiness, or even is a spiritual person, but please believe me when I say it's Hell.

When I was 14 I rode my bicycle out to a bridge near my home out in the back woods type country. The old train bridge kind with the big cement blocks at the bottom of the pillars holding them up. I remember sitting on the very edge of it just looking down at the cement. I really wanted to jump. Honestly the only reason I didn't was because of my mom. She's the reason I stepped back, got on my bicycle and rode home. Albeit I was crying the whole way home, stayed out in the garden to finish crying, washed my face in the creek and went inside and straight upstairs to my bed and I slept until the next day.

When I was around the end of being 14 I tried repression. I started trying eating normally (which has wrecked me internally, I have major digestive problems as I've always refused to go to a rehab centre, which in itself is not good for me). I started pretending to have a relationship with "God". I tried the whole "cool hip Christian kid" spin from when I was that age until 17 or so. I pushed back my depression, my fears and anxieties and eds to see if I could be happy. And I pretended to be happy for a while. And I fooled a lot of people.

Things weren't by any means okay though. My school work was suffering as it always had, but since the work was harder it was also suffering harder. I picked up smoking cigarettes. I also picked up alcohol more and more. I dated a 21 year old and lost my virginity to him at 16, after much coaxing from him. That was an extremely bad 8 months.

My saving grace and my recharge at the time was a Bible camp I'd attend in the summers. I went for 12 years. Now that I think about it.. that camp was my only constant thing for a very long time. It was always there. And even when it wasn't camp time, the place was so close I could just go talk to the live in managers when I had questions. While my relationship with a god I don't believe in was strained and a facade, the people I met are amazing and have helped me a lot.

In fact, at that camp I spilled a lot of my struggles to my group of close friends. We were just a few girls, only 17 or so. But they had all been through things just as bad as me. Some so close it scared me. I felt accepted by those girls who are now beautiful strong women. So I opened the flood gates of what I had been through. All of my dark times and feelings, thoughts of dying and plans to do it, the bulimia and how it hurt my body, my 21 year old ex and what had happened to me, my struggles in school, my guilt towards my mother as her pregnancy with me put her in her wheelchair, my panic attacks and the anxiety that I'd felt for so long, my loneliness and my desperate want to not be alive. Basically just like, ALL of it. I don't really think that was a gate I could've closed even if I tried at that point. It was just a lot.

It took a while to talk about everything, and by the time I'd covered everything even more young folks like us had come over to sit. I was sobbing. My friends weren't very far behind either. Someone was rubbing my back and another person brought me tissues. I finished and everyone was kinda quiet and sad. One of my friends said "Hey can we all just kinda sit together and pray?" and I said that I thought that was a good idea. So we sat. And we just prayed. Even if they were words floating up to an empty space where I see no god, the solidarity that I felt with my friends and those around showing that they cared about me was overwhelming. I wasn't alone. I had friends. REAL friends who weren't looking for the next best thing. And I didn't feel as empty anymore. Knowing that I had people who genuinely cared for me and everything I'd been through and everything I was made me feel so much more worthy of living, it showed me I wasn't nothing.

A lot has happened since those dark times. I've had other dark times. Anorexia claimed me at 18 as a sufferer, and I still struggle with it to this day. I had a physically and emotionally abusive sociopathic partner in the Autumn of my 21st year. I had a whole 2 year ordeal with someone that I'm not even going to talk about, as this person and I have BOTH put it behind us and forgiven each other and are now friends. I alsp dropped out of high school in grade 11.

But I've had a LOT of light times. I started actively loving my body at 21, which was the first new constant in my life. I took action and got a breast reduction from G to C cup for my health at 18. I left the church and started understanding science better. The spiritualist in me called for more, so I delved into research on Paganism and Wicca. What I found was what I needed. It was the second new constant I needed. So now instead of 1, I had 2.

I live with my fiance now. He's someone who I was schoolmates with in highschool. After a few years of not keeping in touch, we hung out. We got close again. And after a few years we started dating. We've had bumpy patches. 1 break up due to his mental illness (again, it rears its ugly head). But that was short lived. And we are actively improving ourselves while being there for one another. Last March I asked him to marry me to which he said "Well, I was gonna ask you when we got our own place, so obviously yes." (I've dated a lot of people, so I am so happy that it was him I'm going to be with, no offense to any of the guys, girls and other folks I've been with and am friends with). He's my third constant.

I have so much more now than I ever dreamed I could in those dark times, friends.

Moral of the story is:

Friends come and go. But you'll find someone, or multiple people who will care about you enough to stick with you as much as you wanna stick with them.

Don't give up on yourself. You're gonna have a lot of bad times. Life happens and we can't do shit about it. But life also has a lot of really good times worth looking forward to and holding close to heart. You can love yourself no matter who you are or what you look like because you're more than a name or a number on a scale. You're a complex person with real feelings who is worthy of self love. And love from others too.

Pain sucks. Life can suck a whole fucking lot. So much you want it to end. But through all the struggle, the hurt and the mental illness, you still very much deserve a good life. If not more, because you're actively trying to enjoy being alive in a very hard time.

So yeah. Thanks for reading this. I just needed to talk. I felt like I was going to explode and my Instagram isn't really the place to put this.

Take care of yourselfs. Cherish yourself and your time here. Make the best of your situations as much as you can. Hold your loved ones close in mind and heart. And don't be afraid to talk.

[twentyandsomechange]

Worry Bout Ya Self

Let’s talk about judgement for a second. This is something that SO many people say they do not take part in and claim to be nonjudgmental of others, but as we all know, that is not always the case. They probably really do THINK they are and maybe they are nonjudgmental about some, or most things, but not everything. Or they just openly judge other people because they have a holier-than-thou complex and have the nerve to say things like “I would never” or “how could they.” I truly believe that unless you have lived in someone’s shoes and know all the things they have gone through you have absolutely no right to judge their actions. Of course I am not talking about things like unjustified murder, molestation, or anything of that sort. My experiences have forced me to realize that most everyone has a reason for everything and that humans are only capable of understanding things at their own level of perception.

This is not to say that we have to be intelligent to understand one another, but we do need to be UNDERSTANDING. Do NOT judge what you cannot understand. If you have never been through a tragedy or had something terrible happen to you, you have absolutely no right to an opinion about someone who is just doing their best to survive after having their soul wrecked. I cannot tell you how many people thought they had the right to speak on my actions or life choices after I had gone through something that most everyone will never even experience anything remotely close to in their entire lives. It was infuriating. And it made things much worse in fact. Here I was, just minding my own damn business. Trying to hold myself together every single day and telling myself to just go through the motions of my “normal” life until I could get to a point where I didn't constantly think about what happened, and there were actually people who felt they had the right to talk about the things I was doing to cope. No, some of the choices I made were not healthy or right, but I was literally just trying to survive when my mind and body had already given up on my soul. I was smack dab in the middle of America’s largest mass shooting for Christ’s sake. I missed tons of work afterwards because there were many days that I could not convince myself to leave my house. There were too many things outside that would remind me of the awful things I witnessed that night. Of course people just assumed I was lazy or lying about being ill because I was off playing hooky doing something fun. I really was sick though. Sick of being alive and pretending to be okay. I stopped communicating with people that I knew loved me because every time one of them would make me smile or feel grateful it would immediately be followed by immense guilt. The guilt was the strongest feeling I can remember ever feeling in my life. Other than the fear I felt when bullets were raining down around us. I was convinced I was being called home to my maker and just praying my mom would know that I loved her. How on earth did I deserve to be happy and alive when there were so many others that were much more deserving than me that had not been so lucky? The mother of three, the police officer that saved people’s lives, the veteran that fought for years for his country.. all these people made much more important contributions to this world than I probably ever will. And all of these things crossed my mind almost every second of every day. Have you ever felt guilty about doing something wrong like cheating on a test or lying to your parents? Multiply that feeling by 10,000 and even that is probably not an accurate description of the amount of guilt I felt every single day just for being alive. Survivors guilt is absolutely a real thing. It is a mental condition that occurs when a person believes they have done something wrong by surviving a traumatic event when others did not. And the PTSD, that I still deal with to this day, was no walk in the park either. You know that feeling of falling when you’re about to drift off into sleep, but then something jolts you awake and you feel like you might have a heart attack? That is what my body did to me every 30 minutes to an hour every single night. As soon as my mind and body would begin to relax it would suddenly realize that no, we could not relax just yet. We are actually still in panic mode because someone is trying to kill us and we think we are going to die at any second. I must be awake and alert at all times to survive. I did not call anyone or tell anyone every time this happened. The next day when I looked like a sickly teenage boy I did not give a single fuck if my resting bitch face or greasy hair offended someone because there is no way in Hell that anyone would understand the level of exhausted I was on. No, I did not shower this morning and no, make up did not cross my mind when I was debating on even attempting to survive another day of agony. So please, talk shit about the way I look if that makes you feel better about yourself.

When I finally made it to the point where I could spend time with other humans outside of the safety of my own home, it was to forget about what I couldn’t forget. And in order to be in a crowd or loud place, I had to dull my senses. So, I drank a LOT. I took more of the pills that were supposed to “help” and sometimes I was successful at making myself numb to the demons that haunted everything around me. I was trying to drown the memories that refused to leave my head no matter how much I wanted them to. And for that I was criticized. Not by people that wanted to help me or that genuinely gave a shit about me, but by those who would start rumors about how I was always out without my boyfriend that works nights so according to their expert opinion, I must be stepping out on him. Because a woman can’t go anywhere without dicks just slapping her straight in the face right? And how DARE I visit the people I love that lived out of town without him when I should be home cooking and cleaning and suffocating myself. They didn’t bother to ask me how terrifying it was to be home alone every single single night with my thoughts and the fear that now I know for a fucking fact that anything bad could happen to me at any moment because the worst already HAD happened to me. They didn’t see that I was going out of town alone to see these people because now I feel like any opportunity to spend with someone I care about could be the last. Nope, they only saw what they were capable of understanding.

So here I was, dealing with this outrageous guilt, PTSD, depression, and the roller coaster of emotions the side effects of antidepressants, anti anxiety medication, and sleeping pills doctors were shoving down my throat to “help” had on me, and there were actual other human beings that really thought they could even fathom how I felt and pass judgement on me or any of the things I said or did.

Now, if any of these people read these words, they might be able to understand a fraction of what I was going through and would not have felt the need to open their mouth about anything, but the bottom line is:

I should not have to explain myself to people when frankly, it is none of their damn business.

So, if you take anything away from this, keep in mind that you are not equipped to understand what any other person is going through unless you have been through EXACTLY what that person has. So before you harp on a woman that is considering abortion, consider the fact that this woman may not want to be forced to have a child that was conceived via sexual assault. Regardless of your beliefs, you should try to understand her situation before you make the hardest decision of her life even harder. Before you judge a woman that spends her time at a bar instead of at home performing “wifely” duties, understand that this outing might be the alternative to her taking her own life that night and maybe she just needed to blow off some steam. When you start to make fun of someone for gaining weight ask yourself if they are preoccupied with getting through each day without having an emotional breakdown and exercise is just not on their list of priorities at the moment.

If you are someone that has never had to deal with something traumatic, consider yourself extremely lucky, but also make the conscious decision not to be a dick and pretend like you have any idea what the rest of us are going through.

And most importantly

Mind your own damn business.

[rosesmith18]

(PnF) Headcanon #7 Thomarie Nitpicks #1 Bridgette

The next couple of post will be centered around some critics I have with both the ship Thomarie as a whole as well as the characters evolved in it, and their general world. For those who don't know the ship Thomarie is centered around (OC)Maria Flynn & (OC)Thomas Fletcher. I will mention this again at the end of the post, but more about the canonical versions of these characters can be found on angelus19 & sam-ely-ember deviantart(Thomas Belongs to Melty64). If you can not tell I will not be working with a lot of the canon information about these characters as I'm not really in to it-as I will explain with the next couple post-but the fact remains I did not create these characters. Critic #1: Bridgette(Bridgette belongs to Orthgirl123 on DeviantArt) Okay, it's best to start with the longest post as to get it out of the way. I HATE Bridgette as written in the MnT(Marie & Thomas) Universe. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, and I am not trying to bash the character herself. I am talking completely in the context of her role in MnT. She is written as nothing, but a generic secondary love interest from a bad teen romcom. I read the post her creator made about her, and it gives the character a lot of potential that is never used. The rundown is that Bridgette's dad went MIA(Missing in Action) when she was around nine or something, so her mom remarries meaning Bridgette has a step-dad & new brother. Bridgette says in that post that she had a good life with nothing to complain about, yet she goes on about how she hides her 'real self' out of fear, and ends up coming off as a jerk to everyone around her. Again I do not hate the character, she has potential, but not in the way her creator tries to portray. Because I hate to break it to you, but girl if you come off as a massive jerk, you're not pretending, you are one. Like look, I get we all can be jerks by accident sometimes, but that doesn't mean you weren't a jerk, and the people you were a jerk to have the right to miffed about it. See what Bridgette has is a classic case of 'Victims Complex', she believes she has a right to act this way towards people, because she was hurt once. She wants the people around her to feel bad for her, and thinks her hurt garners her the right to be excused of her mistakes, when everyone else gets punished. So, do I feel bad for Bridgette? No. As a victim myself I can't feel bad for someone who uses their status as a victim to exploit the kindness and understanding of other people just so they can get away with not returning that kindness by being a massive jerk. Does this make her a bad character? Not at all. I think this type of personality has great potential, but it needs to be recognized for what it is first instead of sugar coating it to make a bland 'relatable' character. Which brings me back to the problem with her in MnT. In MnT Bridgette is portrayed as a a jerk whose actually really kind on the inside, and when Thomas accidentally sees that kindness, he accepts her invitation to go on a date. There she tells him her 'sad' backstory to garner sympathy from Thomas which works, and they become closer cause he's also a 'jerk' at times due to his past. By the end, Thomas chooses Marie over Bridgete causing the girl to go into a fit about how nothing in life goes her way, and Thomas comforting her with kind words. This, all of this, is BULLCRAP! Let's break this down one by one. First problem, being nice to ONE person does not excuse being mean to HUNDREDS on a daily bases. Secondly, no one goes out with the biggest jerk at their high school just cause they learned the person has the ability to be the bare minimum of a decent human being. Thirdly, using your sad backstory to garner sympathy when you know you've been a massive jerk is manipulative, and funny enough usually garners the exact opposite in real life. I've never met a nice guy whose tried to do that, and didn't instantly get blocked. Fourthly, Thomas' rude behavior is nothing to Bridgette's, they're incomparable, but I will compare them anyway. Thomas occasionally ignores people when they're talking to him, and on one or two occasions has given someone the finger. Bridgete started rumors about multiple people at her school(including Marie) that caused these kids to be taunted mercilessly by their classmates until they refused to come to school again. Yes, Thomas did try to turn the citizens of Danville into a mob of criminals that attacked each other(See the fanfic Monster on angelus19  deviantart. Warning it is only in Spanish), but he was nine, had been hit by a Emotion Enhancer(Look up the definition of enhance), and had been disappointed by his dad and annoyed by Marie all in the span of like half an hour. I think he gets a pass. Fifthly, the idea that Bridgete should be instantly forgiven after have a tantrum over losing to a girl she started horrible rumors about. And lastly, the idea that THOMAS of all people forgave her. I mean look I know in the canon Thomas is like just a brooding emo, but this boy tried to turn his own father into a criminal in Monster, and yet he harbors goodwill towards a random bully who started rumors about his crush? With that out of the way, let us proceed to the revision paragraph for this critic. How do we improve this character and story? Well, are goal is to make Bridgette if anything a realistic character which means she must have her own goals that make sense in the context of her past and personality. Those goals can be outlandish, but she should have some realistic ones on occasion. She should be bound to the rules of reality as well as her own society. Her actions must always have consequences of equal measure whether her actions are good or bad. She must be the norm not the exception, and those around her should not differ from their established character, merely on the basis that she exist. In summary, we don't want Bridgete to be special, because no one in life is special. Even Marie & Thomas shouldn't be special(more about this critic later). Yes, these characters should all be different, but the universe shouldn't show favoritism, because that means the creator shows favoritism which is not relatable. The creators of Phineas & Ferb are a great example of making the main characters unique, but not special in comparison to those around them. Every character has a talent, interest, goal, and even flaw unique to them. And, the only time someone is seen as above reality-the rule of equal consequence-is by other characters who don't understand the whole story. This makes even simple one or two off characters memorable for all the right reasons(ex. Any of Doofs ex-girlfriends.) Bridgette is not memorable, because she's a good character, she memorable because she's put above the other characters whenever she's around. In all my reading experiences with Bridgete I've never felt like I choose to focus on her because I really liked or related to her, I instead always felt like she was forced into my focus every other line of dialogue. I don't want to hate Bridgette, if I wanted to hate Bridgette I wouldn't be writing an entire critic about how she has WASTED potential. I would just rant about how she has NO potential. Alright, we've made it to the advice portion of the critic a.k.a the last paragraph of this post. In this paragraph I'm going to share the changes I've made to Bridgette in my own stories in a summarized manner. I will explain why I made these changes and the benefits they have on the character and story. Firstly, I changed the reason for Bridgette's interest in Thomas. In the story 'Who I Really Am' by Orthgirl123 on DeviantArt she writes that Bridgette didn't like Thomas originally, but just kinda started to like him. This is not only boring, but also makes no sense. She just...starts liking him? That's kinda not how people work. So, instead I came up with the idea that Thomas & Maria built something in class that backfired resulting in Bridgette breaking her arm. This leads to Thomas & Maria having to help Bridgete until her arm heals. Because of Bridgette's status as a bully not many people like her and no one is nice to her, so Thomas' kindness mixed with Bridgette's insecurities about her dad being gone result in what most would call 'Daddy Issues'. This change does many things, for starters it establishes a reason for Bridgette's feelings that make sense in the context of her character, secondly it establishes Bridgette delusional mental state. Bridgette being established as delusional is important for her arc. You see if we establish that Bridgette is oblivious to the plights of others, blinded by her own pain making her unable to see the error of her ways, we allow her to be cornered. Instead of being able to say she did a bad thing and just apologize for it which is unsatisfying when your someone who bullied a girl into basically a depressed state. Bridgette will be confronted leading to the breaking of her delusions. This will allow Bridgette to be blinded by confusion as well as denial for a short period before she spills her guts about what she did out of the new found unbearable guilt. Her broken delusional state allows Bridgette's subconscious to eat away at her in a way no punishment could. This character arc becomes even better when we tie to loose threads together. In the MnT canon universe Maria's school stalker takes her depressed state as an opportunity to make his stalking known to her hoping she will be desperate enough to accept his feelings. But, in my personal headcanon Bridgette is the one who tells the school stalker about the situation and encourages him to pursue Maria. This may sound extreme at first, but remember that Bridgette's horrible behavior is usually a fleeting comment. Even Maria hides her pain when baring with the insults Bridgette's rumors have incited others to sling Maria's way. These facts make it difficult for the readers to comprehend the pain Bridgette is really inflicting on these people to the extent at which they truly exist by making them seem unreal or a drifting matter with little effect. This portrayal of the effect Bridgette has on people also makes it more difficult for Bridgette herself to comprehend what she's truly doing to people. To Bridgette they are just words-that as a bully-she has had to endure plenty of times. She doesn't sympathize with or even pity the people she hurts, because they feel detached from her life-like her comments, a fleeting name on the wind. So, if we have Bridgette do something that has such a massive effect, like enticing a stalker to harass someone, we turn that fleeting name into a news story. We don't just make Maria a girl Bridgette started a hurtful rumor about, we make Maria a name on her tv, just like Bridgette's father. We don't just make Bridgette a bully who said horrible things about people, we make Bridgette a suspect in an assault and harassment case. We put faces to names and bring the consequences outside the school bubble that protected Bridgette for so long. But, what really breaks Bridgette's delusions is Thomas. In MnT canon Thomas learns Bridgette can be a decent human being, tries to make her a replacement for Maria, and watches Bridgette scream about never being good enough, and feels pity for her, forgiving her for making Maria(and others)depressed. In my headcanon, Thomas finds himself harassed by Bridgette after her arm heals. She never stops trying to coerce a date out of him which Thomas is both not used to, and does not appreciate. She learns of Thomas' feelings for Maria, and tells him she is better then Maria so he should pick her, but Thomas only responds that if she is aware of his feeling she should give up before she hurts herself, he won't play games with her. And, when Thomas learns that Bridgette is the reason the stalker pursued Maria he does not let Bridgette throw a tantrum then forgive her. He makes it known she's crossed a line, and if she doesn't find herself back on it, she'll be the one at the tail end of his gun, not that stalker. In this scene Thomas breaks Bridgette's delusions by making it clear that he is not someone to be fond over and obtained. He and Maria are people with lives outside of playing the school hierarchy game Bridgette has concocted in all her years of turning the school into her consequence free paradise. He puts his foot down, something no one has ever done to Bridgette, and teaches her that their are worse things than petty popularity contest outside those school walls. And, if she doesn't sort herself out she's gonna step on the wrong peoples shoes. These warns strike a fear in Bridgette she's never felt before, but also slams her into denial. Thomas leaves her to think about what she did, and when a day or two passes of Thomas completely ignoring her. She lets out her confused emotions on Maria right before the school play when the two girls are alone. This is were her abandonment issues from the fanfic that I haven't mentioned come into play. It's Bridgette being ignored by the one guy she believed could replace her dad that triggers her fear of abandonment leading to her breaking down in front of Maria. She leaves the play before Maria can say anything, but the two meet a week into the new summer, and Maria confronts Bridgette. In the MnT canon Bridgette has her outburst in front of Maria & Thomas before being forgiven and giving up peaceful, for some reason happy with herself despite learning nothing as she's faced only the miniscule consequence of not getting the guy she likes and having to settle for Maria's cousin Xavier. In my headcanon, Maria is the one who confronts Bridgette who is still hurting from what happened with Thomas. Maria takes Bridgette and Thomas somewhere they can talk despite Thomas' disinterest in the idea. There Maria makes it clear what Bridgette did-both the rumor and stalker-were beyond horrible, but she can see Bridgette is also hurting. At this point Maria & Thomas are together, and Maria tells Bridgette that she will try to forgive Bridgette, if Bridgette promises to admit to spreading rumors about people, and apologizes to her victims directly. Bridgette accepts hesitantly and is helped by Maria to make a change. The two eventually develop a friendship after Bridgette starts getting therapy again, and Thomas does eventually stop ignoring Bridgette. In my headcanon, Xavier never had feelings for Bridgette. Because, yes Bridgette is a redeemable character, but not enough that I or anyone should want to see her related to Maria. In summary, these are my thoughts on the character Bridgette and the general storyline she is involved in. If I ever post a complete story about this exact topic I will let you know. I want to make it clear I do not harbor any ill-will towards the creator of Bridgette or the creators of Maria & Thomas. I just don't enjoy their story telling or how they portray these characters on most occasions. If you yourself have any thoughts on my changes or have an idea of a change you would add, let me know. If you want to read or see any art involving these character's check out their respective creators DeviantArt. More post about critics for the MnT Universe will be coming out soon. *Disclaimer: While I have made changes ranging from small tweaks to drastic alterations to many of the pre-existing characters on this post, I remind you that I DO NOT own any of the characters. Though I also remind you that I have made changes to these characters as to fit my own personnel headcanons or stories. So, do not assume that they follow the same timeline or share the same basic information.

[someobscurereference]

hey so I just wanted to say that ur headcanons give me life. FFXV and fe14 alike! Like, it legitimately makes my day to reread them and I circle back to them constantly. Would it be too much to ask u to share some H/C headcanons for the main nohrian noble/retainer relationships? (The same ones you've done before, so Xander/laslow, Odin/niles/Leo, and Camilla/Selena/beruka?) like how they would react if one of them got hurt? Or even just sick? I'm flexible.

I’m!!! Thank u, anon!! It’s so sweet to hear you like my headcanons so much! Of course you can ask for some anytime! Thank you for reading them!! OTL

Since Xander/Laslow is the shortest, we’ll start there.

In Xander/Laslow’s final support convo, Xander straight up tells Laslow his one requirement of Laslow is that he continue to live, even if Laslow is no longer serving Xander. As opposed to Leo’s “please continue to use your title as retainer so we are connected no matter what,” Xander says, “I don’t care if you have a different name or appearance in the future, I just want you to continue to draw breath.” If Laslow were seriously life-threateningly injured, Xander would blame himself for not being stronger (the same way he blames himself for his past retainer’s deaths–he believes he was too “weak” to protect them, despite being absolutely outnumbered with little hope of winning anyway.) He certainly be torn up about it, but probably in private. It wouldn’t be good for a leader to be seen as weak in front of his soldiers. He’d probably internalize a lot of that guilt too, even if there was nothing he could have done. He’d probably overwork himself until someone told him to knock it off.

I think Xander and Laslow are really similar? Laslow would have a similar response, I think, feeling a lot of guilt because he didn’t do his job right. Laslow would also be depressed, though he’d probably be more obvious about it (even when trying to hide it. This Man For Flowers wears his heart on his sleeve and you can tell when his smiles are fake.) Laslow also dwells on how short life is a lot (in a lot of his supports), so this would probably just be another reminder at how close to losing someone he is at all times. 

They’d both visit each other in recovery often, though Xander might be busier with work and less likely to get away. He’d still go at least once a day, even if he’s exhausted and about to pass out tho. Eventually one of them would probably apologize to the other for “not being strong enough” and the other would probably say “What??? Are you talking about???” because they only view themselves as too weak. Laslow might cry.

If it were a small injury for either of them, Laslow would fret and Xander would be like, “That’s life. Sometimes you get hurt.” He’d tell Laslow to rest if he were injured and but maybe do some things that were too stressful if he himself were hurt. Laslow would happily be a bit lazy if he had a sprained ankle or something, but then he’d realize how less mobile and flirty he could be and then he’d complain dramatically. Same for if he got sick. If Xander were hurt/sick, he’d force him to take a rest “for the good of the kingdom and your continued health.” In that context, Xander might slow down. 

(In more romantic terms, Laslow would probably dote on Xander if he were sick, even if Xander were a little annoyed. Xander has a soft side, tho, so he might actually enjoy Laslow lingering and sitting and talking with him, just not the constant questions of if he wants anything. If Laslow were a tiny bit sick, he’d probably play it up dramatically. If he really had a fever, he might try to pretend it’s not as bad as it is, which Xander wouldn’t like. 

If Xander put his hand on Laslow’s forehead and was like, “Hey, you’re really hot,” (i.e. sick) Laslow would… go red and pass out on the spot probably, which would be only further proof that Laslow is ill in Xander’s mind. Meanwhile, being taken care of and held and stuff would go straight to Laslow’s heart.)

Leo/Niles/Odin

Leo is?? I don’t want to say more selfish, because that’s not the right word?? He’s not the worrying type because he’s pretty assured of himself that Niles and Odin are the best and can accomplish anything he asks, but if he got word one of them was in the infirmary for something not insignificant, he’d probably go there to check on them and once he was sure they’d recover, he’d be like, “What happened?”

Answer: They were protecting Leo or Nohrian citizens and got hurt somehow.

Leo: “Then don’t?? Do that???” (He doesn’t really mean don’t protect people, but part of him also can’t stand the thought of either of them being super hurt and disappearing forever. He does value N/O on the same level as his family but also as a prince, he feels he has to protect his people and can’t play favorites and it’s Complicated)

Niles: “That’s literally my job and I would happily die for you at any moment.”

Leo: “okay, but actually Don’t”

Odin: “I will never pass up an opportunity to help the innocent (and also Help you), my lord”

Leo: “Okay, but actually do it Better in the future so you don’t get injured like this.”

By which he means: pick the strategy that’s going to hurt you the least and retreat if need be. 

Niles and Odin would salute and agree but they all know they’re dummies who will do selfless things anyway. (Niles is a little less likely to say he would but if an absolutely helpless Nohrian citizen is in trouble or Odin/Leo were throwing themselves into danger, he’d be right behind them.) In Leo’s support with Odin, he’s straight up like “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you. I need both you and Niles by my side.” If anything ever happened to them, especially for his benefit, Leo would be pretty devastated. He’d probably withdraw a lot, which is how I picture pre-Niles (and eventually Odin) Leo to be like, but even worse. 

Meanwhile, if Leo were hurt/sick, Odin and Niles would be on him 24/7, trying to comfort him while one-upping each other, and it’s hard to feel comfortable when you have The World’s Loudest Man on one side of you and That (Boy)Friend That Does Not Have A Limit on the other.

Odin: “MY LORD, MY OWN DARK AURA MUST HAVE INFECTED YOU WITH SOME NEFARIOUS CURSE I AM TRULY SORRY FOR MY AMAZING EVIL ENERGY WHICH HAS–”

Niles: “(Odin why don’t you say that a bit louder, I’m not sure Hoshido heard you) My lord, to help you sleep, I am going to read you this book of 1,000 Dirty Knock-Knock jokes, here I go”

Leo, desperate and crying: “please…let me rest…”

(If Niles/Odin were ever out of commission at the same time though, Leo, who values his alone time a lot, would probably become very lonely anyway)

Camilla/Selena/Beruka

If Camilla were ever hurt or sick, Selena would probably be running around the castle trying to do everything Camilla asks and then some. She’s gonna polish Camilla’s axes. She’s gonna take care of her wyvern. She’s gonna make Camilla soup! She’s gonna oversee some visiting diplomats whether she’s supposed to or not! Because Camilla is depending on her!! (And she has to be the best retainer ever!! Did you see that, Beruka???)

Beruka, standing outside the door: “I’m not a healer and none of that is my job.” 

But she will stand there all night waiting for assassins who have come to take out out Camilla in her weakened state. She probably doesn’t sleep for 3 days. Selena begins force feeding her food. 

Selena would force being cheerful for Camilla’s sake, though she’d also trash talk whoever caused Camilla to be hurt. Beruka wouldn’t, of course, but she’d be annoyed in her own way that she failed to protected her boss(/girlfriend, but the boss part might be more important to her.) If Camilla were sick, it might distress Beruka that “invisible enemies” could cause Camilla to fall ill like this. That’s not something Beruka can protect her from. Perhaps Camilla was poisoned? Drat. Beruka has been slacking off. She has to be more vigilant from now on. This could have been a fatal mistake.

(Selena: “hey you know it’s just a cold, right”)

Meanwhile, if Selena/Beruka were injured on the battlefield, Camilla would d e c i m a t e whoever hurt them. She’d be brutal. It would not be pretty. And then she’d take them back to the tents or their rooms or wherever to be taken care of. She would probably dote on them in persona lot the way Xander/Leo might not. Probably petting/brushing their hair and cooing over them and stuff. Beruka Would Not want that as it reminder her that she’s weak and she views it as unnecessary. She might give in once Camilla told her it’s for Camilla’s benefit as much as Beruka’s. For Selena, it’d be a bit more complex. Selena might feel weird at first, same as Beruka but also feeling bad that she “messed up” on the field and that Camilla shouldn’t dote on her, it should be the other way around (The “messed up” part wouldn’t apply if she just had a cold or something). Selena actually really likes being pampered though, so she’d probably grow to enjoy it a lot. “If Camilla says it’s okay, why shouldn’t I enjoy myself? Hell yeah”.

There would be lots of kisses. Especially from Camilla.

[furiousgoldfish]

I see a lot of confusion and irregularity over what abuse is, and what it's not, if it can or can't be present at the same time as love and if it can be done accidentally and without intention so I'll try to clear it up.

Abuse is treating another human being as less than, causing them long term emotional, physical and psychological damage, often will leave them physically and/or emotionally wounded and traumatized, and this is happening in environment and power dynamics from which victim cannot escape. It's done for gain, benefit, pleasure, satisfaction, as a coping method, as an outlet, due to superiority complex, due to lack of care and humanity, you could say it's due to lack of intelligence, but that goes back to lack of care because people who care about not hurting others will work to gain knowledge of how to not hurt them. 

Abuse can not be happening at the same time as love. Abuse is the very opposite of love. Abuse is hatred. You're being treated as a less of a human being. That is not the state of being loved. 

Abuse is either on purpose, or due to lack of care weather a person is being abused or not, and you can easily say that person doesn't care on purpose. If they don't give a shit weather they hurt you or not, you can easily say they hurt you on purpose, if they were willing to take on the risk that you're hurting and decided that was a risk they could easily take, it's on purpose.

A person can be trapped in long term abuse in many various ways, some of them are simply being a part of an abusive family, being a part of abusive environment such as school or a job place, being part of a toxic community or a cult, being part of an abusive relationship or friendship, being groomed into believing abuse is love, being groomed into recognizing abusive behaviour as normal and acceptable, being socialized into not turning back on abusers out of fear, guilt or trauma bonding, being socialized in a way that disables them to call out abuse and makes them deeply believe they should be enduring it and that it's somehow their fault, being raised in circumstances in which they had to fear for their life if they tried to fight for their rights. Each of these is inescapable for victims, that is the most important point, abuse is something one cannot just turn their back on and walk away from, it takes enormous effort and energy to break free, and often victims can't put together that kind of miracle.

Abuse from early on (child abuse, toxic socialization, grooming) can end up trapping person into many abusive environments, and it's not something the abuse survivor can avoid. For example, a person who is taught from early on that they're supposed to take huge amounts of abuse, that all the abuse is their fault and they deserved it, and that they're always to stay loyal to abusers and support them no matter what, will not be able to escape future predatory abusers, they will end up trauma bonding to them and accepting them as friends and partners, often without even realizing they're abused, even when the damage done to them starts destroying them (development of depression, anxiety, cptsd, avpd, low self esteem, eating disorders, chronic pain, paranoia, flashbacks, etc), it will be extremely painful and terrifying to acknowledge they're being abused. Abusers often make sure to also trap their victims into financial dependence (family, relationship, marriage, job partnership, living together, social isolation) or into severe guilt, shame or fear for thinking of abandoning them to the point where it feels unimaginable to victims, so even if they realize the damage is coming from abuse, they will have extremely hard time escaping the abuser and cutting contact.

Now let me explain what abuse is not:

a person not putting your needs before of their own (it's possible to acknowledge you're a human being and to treat you as such without prioritizing your needs above one's own)

a person ending their mutual relationship with you (in abusive situation, entire relationship would be exploitative, one sided and painful, victim would end up giving much more than they're getting, and abuser would suck them dry and push them into an awful and vulnerable state before finally abandoning them to crush their self worth)

a person unable/unwilling to help with your symptoms. (in abusive situation, abuser would use victim's symptoms to cause guilt/shame and to shut the victim up, it would be used as a blackmail and as a reason to prove victim as "the toxic one", or a "burden" and would be used to manipulate the victim into compliance. it's possible to acknowledge that someone's symptoms are more than another can handle without dehumanizing the one struggling.)

inability to show endless support, availability, presence and comfort to you (nobody is a resource or a service to you. however, if they offer all this at the start, keep doing it until you're hooked, and then suddenly withdraw all of it and only give it in small drops, just so you would stick around and give them whatever they want to you, then it's abuse, because they're leveraging kindness to keep you trapped and believing that one day they'll be supportive again)

a person unwilling to make up to you everything you missed out on in life. (nobody should ask you to do this for them either. nobody but abusers can take responsibility for what they've done to victims, and nobody else should be held responsible to make it all up. some people might want to make up for some of it, and those are great. but nobody can demand it.)

a person unwilling to take you lashing out at them.

a person unwilling to communicate with you or enter a relationship with you.

a person pointing out how your actions affected and hurt them. (truthfully)

a person saying "no" to you.

a person refusing to regard you as an authority.

a person refusing to be put down or humiliated by you.

a person refusing to do what you want them to do.

a person unwilling to pretend they're not hurt by you so you wouldn't have to feel guilty.

a person refusing to be controlled in any way or form by you

a person not willing to trust you

a person keeping their distance from you

Of course, even as things as "unwilling to help you with symptoms" and "unwilling to make some things up to you" aren't abuse, they could hurt, and you have the right to keep yourself away from anything that hurts you, it doesn't have to be abuse.

Abusive mindset could be described as one that is predatory, opportunist, and entitled to everything they can get out of others, by force or otherwise, the one which beliefs firmly that others "owe" them or that they are deserving of punishment and pain for merely existing the way they are. This mindset allows them to dehumanize other human beings and to see them as less than human, to consider them toys, resources, property, slaves, punching bags, so they feel self righteous about treating them as such.

 Abuse is heavily supported by numerous social constructs and cultural beliefs, and abusers use all of these to "prove" to the victim they're right, must be regarded as authority and superior to them, or treated with extreme kindness, support and unconditional love regardless of how cruel they are. At the same time, they turn all these constructs against the victim, to prove how the victim has no value or importance, or is deserving of pain and abuse. All of these are lies. A human being cannot be superior to another human being, and can not have the right to control another in any situation.