#looks not so good..but it sounds..wow..'
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okay the whole vase is great but something about Helen sitting on Aphrodite's lap as she wraps one arm around her shoulder and brushes her leg with her hand, staring into her eyes like that... as she is persuading Helen to go with Paris (while Peitho aka persuasion stands behind them) is so incredibly iconic.
and gay. toxic yuri, if you will.
#helen of sparta#aphrodite#greek mythology#greek vase#not pictured is nemesis pointing at them in outrage#(which is the only time so far i've found helen + nemesis together on a vase... I think about that all the time ToT its all so SAD)#anyway. I consider aphrodite labelling helen as 'the most beautiful woman in the world' to be her opinion. of course she's-#- the goddess of beauty/love so that's sounds obvious but. also consider... it's *her* opinion. aka her choice who she finds hot.#aka sapphic gay lesbian yuri whatever you want to call it helen x aphrodite is real and alive and there's nothing you can do to stop it#none of this 'they were really good friends' helen's sitting in a goddess' lap ffs. have you even read the iliad book 3?? read it again.#it's actually called the yuriliad. bet you didn't know that huh /j#i'll stop rambling (for now)#edit: im looking at these tags a day later and wow i really went for it huh. anyway i'm keeping them it's all true 🧡🤍🩷
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blood blossom danny except i briefly talk about his version of the accident
It all happened so fast that Danny doesn't really remember dying at all. It was like, one moment he was alive, the next he's dead. He remembers hitting the button, and the lights coming on, and then a great big flash.
Then he was outside of the portal.
He thinks he may have been screaming, but that's not true at all. The only sound he made was a split-second, startled gasp as the portal turned on, that was cut-off before he could finish the noise. The only ones who were screaming were Sam and Tucker; Danny was dead before he could feel anything.
The most vivid thing to him was the terror before the light. The blood rushing moment of mind-numbing fear and cold revelation that he was going to die, and there was nothing he could do about it. A weird sort of resignation, desperation, horror, and static calm that hit him all at once.
He was extremely disoriented when he woke up. Like waking up from a long nap and struggling to comprehend what the day or time was, but knowing instinctively that time has passed. He didn't stay in his ghost form for that long either, further cementing his confusion.
From the moment he hit the button to the few minutes after he woke up is an unsolved jigsaw puzzle to him.
It took him about a day and a half to fully remember what happened beyond 'went into the portal, then suddenly i was out of it and everyone was freaking out', and then a week to process.
Sam and Tucker remember his accident better than he does. They say he was in a daze after he woke up, before he recognized where he was. And he kinda just... squinted at them like he didn't know who they were, and said something in a language they couldn't understand. He was terrifyingly calm and passive, and still smoking.
(They later find out its ghostspeak. He was asking them where he was.)
It was only the moment he realized where he was that he transformed back into human. That's the moment where Danny's memory officially cuts back in for him. His first time as a ghost, and he doesn't really remember it that well.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#danny fenton#danny phantom#dpxdc au#blood blossom au#thinking about danny's accident is so fun. and also this version might just be my favorite interpretation of it. subtle horror my beloved#danny was dead before he even hit the ground.#also he was eleven when this all happened folks. which is like. wow horrifying. lol. lmao even.#if you havent read the prequel oneshot you should know: the hazmat suit was too big for him. so it swamped him.#he looked like he was playing dress up. danny wonders if he could've made it out of the portal before it turned on if it weren't for how#heavy the boots were. he was wearing his mom's and even those were still a bit too big on him. his footsteps were clunky and slow.#just like how a man stabbed in the back doesnt scream but gasp. danny didn't make a sound when he died. he didn't have the time to#sam and tucker were living in a horror movie for like. a GOOD solid five minutes before danny came to#and even after danny was still pretty dazed. but at least he could like. recognize where he was. even if he wasn’t sure about it#also when sam and tucker got the portal off danny was not inside it. his ghost formed behind them#he was kneeling and misting off the shoulders. they only noticed him when he got to his feet
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Please give Violet a kiss for me! 🌼
If Angel was permanently blind would Ren/Redacted still feel the need to dress up and dye his hair pink? Would he only change his personality to match the anime character?
⌞♥⌝ I would say so!! Though it's purely on the off-chance that Angel runs into someone in public and they comment on Ren's appearance. Realistically, Ren would be less likely to be caught in a lie if he dyes his hair to match Haruko's and dresses in light academia fashion to appease Angel's aesthetics.
#He can't mansplain manipulate malewife his way outta ''wow angel; your partner looks so good in that emo fit!!!'' /silly#angel; who's into softhearted anime characters and the smell/sounds/vibes of libraries: what did you just say 🧍#💌 — answered.#💖 — 14 days with queue.#💖 — about ren.#stickorstones
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Quick re-do of a 4 year old piece
#to test my abilities... no jk#I mean kind of lol#I WANTED To test my abilities but then I couldnt think of anything#so then I just redid an older piece#I remembered the old one started black and white and then I did effects over it so I did that again#cause I just wanted to play around with lighting#and I think its pretty obvious how much I've improved#I also only spent like an hour on the second one#wasnt trying to make anything amazing here#just trying t make something that reminds myself how growth can look and feel#important stuff to do as an artist#I'm still sick btw lol#I love how when youre losing your voice everyone goes 'wow you sound terrible'#I get why. I sound terrible. but its so fucking funny like. culturally#like holy shit what the fuck is wrong with you !#but its polite and empathetic#I havent been getting work done on account of is sick#actually not entirely true#I did a good bit of work for we were legion and some for TTA too#but it was just no drawing work#all writing work#which theres just a lot more of to for wwl than for tta#anyways#we were legion#zagan#art redo#art improvement#spent easily twice as long on the original thats a skill upgrade roight there
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Me, fully prepared to be a little ass: If I were a horrible person and killed a bunch of people, would you report me to the police? lol
My older brother: Even if you were a monster, i'd protect you. I wouldn't be able to bring myself to hate or punish you. You turning out that way would be my fault because I should've been a better sibling. In the end, you'll always be my responsibility, and more importantly, my younger brother. I'll always love you.
Me, about to fucking bawl my eyes out: Hey what the fuck
so anyways after careful consideration and recollecting, that's how i came to the devastating realization that my older brother was a yue qingyuan kinnie.
#it was smth like that#sometimes i'm like ''wow are peoples older brothers usually so rodrick-y or asshole-y??'' and i look at my older brother#who gets sad when i don't want him to buy anything for me#also it was things like#'im to blame so don't worry about it ok?' 'it was my fault so dont worry. do you want to eat out?' etc#and i was like ''man this sounds like some yqy dialogue'' and boom#yes he's the eldest#he's like... way older than me lol#anyways i love my big bro sm#hes a very good brother#last week he treated me out to ice cream and ramen#we're about to finish arcane together!!#those rare times when i don't wanna hang out with him he has the energy of a sopping wet puppy that just got kicked#yue qingyuan#svsss
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I’ve been getting really into magical stuff recently and also DC so I’m just gonna drop this here:
Fae Dick Grayson
F A E
okay so fae stories are special to me because I grew up on hearing pagan folklore and fairytales about fae and fae adjacent creatures as good night stories so hooo boy yes I adore that trope! (I mean, I made Dick a Banshee in my fic Shuck so… hehe)
Anyway, Fae Dick Grayson! There’s just so many things you can do with it ✨
Robin appears from one day to the next, following in Batman’s shadow like a mischievous sprite, so honestly rumors have been going wild about him since day one. Robin actually being something non-human doesn’t really come as a surprise!
The fae folk are known for being awfully good at blending in with regular humans when they put their mind to it, the only thing that puts them apart (in most stories) is their otherworldly beauty, and Dick Grayson? Well, he’s definitely got that in abundance.
Just sometimes, when the light reflects off a surface in just the right way, when someone pours a glass of water and you happen to look right through the spray, or when you think you catch a glimpse of something out of the corner of your eye and you spin around— but there’s only Dick Grayson, even if a second ago you could have sworn you saw eyes where there weren’t supposed to be any; colors that aren’t supposed to exist; feathers where only skin has any right to be.
And, gods, all the talking. Dick is terrifyingly good at talking to people without actually saying anything, to the point where you walk away from the conversation feeling utterly drained after spilling your entire life story but when you think back on it— you can’t remember him ever telling you anything about himself. You know there were the usual pleasantries of “hi” and “nice to meet you” and “how are you doing?” but anything beyond that just kinda… seemed to spill out of you? It’s very strange. It’s very unnerving. By the end of the evening you other convince yourself you’re overreacting or you simply push the incident out of your mind altogether.
And there’s another thing about Dick. His name.
He only ever introduces himself as Dick Grayson/Robin. Never Richard. Never. Especially not Richard John. Names are sacred for the fae folk, names have power, so while Richard John Grayson may not be Dick’s true name, he treats it as such to honor his parents. None are allowed to use it. None except Bruce or Alfred on special occasion.
Of course, Dick’s “true” name isn’t exactly a secret so when someone does happen to use it… well, Dick may be… other… but he’s still intrinsically good in a way many of his kind don’t have the patience to be. Dick judges on a case by case basis, just like his parents and Bruce taught him. And usually people do not mean it maliciously when they use his name so he kindly corrects them and that’s that. But oh man, if they still insist on calling him “Richard”? Well..
“Oh no, it seems your credit card is being declined, sir!”
“Sheesh, you tripped over a root? In Gotham?!”
“What do you mean ten birds flew into your window last night? You live on floor level!”
“Dude I’m telling you that rash doesn’t look normal.”
“I… don’t think crows are supposed to follow you like that.”
It’s little things (most of the time, unless you really pissed Dick off) but they keep piling up, slowly driving you insane. You feel like you’re being watched, but it’s just a bird sitting on the window sill again. You feel like someone moved all your furniture just slightly to the right even tho you checked all the cameras.
The fae are kind, but they are also vindictive when crossed.
(Thanks to Bruce, however, I think Dick’s bouts of “vengeance” rarely go much farther than that though.)
Dang ok that ended up being an entire rant… wow. Anyway, yeah. Fae.
#look growing up in the middle of the woods just does something to you#my entire family told us tales about the creatures in the woods#looking back on it now a lot of them were fairly creepy#but my cousin and I always went looking for the one who ��swayed the trees’#there’s not a good translation for it but it sounds pretty cool in my language#and also slightly gruesome#double meaning and all that#then again our idea of fun was traipsing into the moors and finding ways through it without getting stuck so idk#wow ok that reads like a bit of a horror story but I swear it was great#anyway#ghost talks#fae dick Grayson#dick grayson#nightwing#Robin
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accepting what you cant change, facing your worst fear and finding comfort in it, not equating the consequences of an act with the act itself, and kind of accepting yourself through it all.
im insane.
#shredded descent#tmnt au#tmnt iteration#tmnt#wcs#kirby#raph#art#wow that caption sounds over dramatic ahahaha#really once again just making shit for myself to make myself do it. saying fuck it idc if it looks good or not#cuz this was a scene i really just enjoyed a lot n wanted to draw so idc if i wish i could have done it better *eye twich*#the colours got weird i didnt know what to do sigh#i feel a bit like uh oh this is on the nose again am i going to jail for actually drawing this but whatever#its one of those things that wont make sense to the people who it doesnt make sense to you know#but its one of those things where i could talk for hours abt all the things i think about these two lmao#COMPLICATEDDDDD
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Jancy Nation rn pt 2
#I keep looking at them#like wow wow wow wow#they look sooooooooooooooooo good#like what drugs did they put in this phot#why do they look like so high school sounds?#Did y'all ever think we'd get a photo of them in the backseat#like that's????#I'm soooooooo#jancy#jonathan byers#nancy wheeler#stranger things#st5
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i still cannot get over The Twins like.
imagine.
you have another version of you out there arguably living a life just as difficult as yours, if not more, that you can talk to at literally Any Time! and they're You so you basically already have half a convo down anytime you decide to pop on over via a portal
1610 and 42 stepping out of their respective portals side-by-side just to stroll out of an alleyway like nothin happened just going:
1610: LOUD SIGH
42: rough day too huh?
1610, brushing debris off of his shoulder: yeeep. another run-in with the rhino. again.
42: you didn't lock his dumb ass up like, last month? how'd he get out?
1610: don't know, don't care. so done with this week, i just wanna... i dunno. hibernate til spring 😮💨
42: man, what a mood.
1610: what happened to you? you look like you had a rougher day than me!
42, covered in visible bruises and cuts along with his bandages: mannnn... rougher week more like. well... rougher life. but. anyways.
they both nod at each other in Understanding
#spiderverse#miles g morales#miles morales#can yall imagine the Sleepovers#and the fact that if miles canonically has anxiety then All Mileses have anxiety#goddamn. in 42's case the panic attacks would be SO damn painful alongside obvious ptsd symptoms#OUHHHHHHHGGGGHGGGBH MY BABY BOYS#if i think abt it too much ill cry 😢#they are both Anxiety Brothers In Arms. just sharing one look between each other#and thats all they need#i am also so so so so enamoured with them swapping Mental Health Tips with each other#bc you know damn well aaron is NOT helping 42's traumatized ass with any of that 😭😭😭#poor kiddo#then he finds 1610 and 1610 is like 'dude that sounds like symptoms of ptsd. also youre having a panic attack rn'#and a whole new world is opened up for widdle miles g#but 42 is Not Dumb and i know he has coping mechanisms of his own!#catch him str8 up sitting on 1610 when he's havin a panic attack and 1610 goes 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING'#42: trust me bro. you need pressure on you rn. i do this all the time when im panicking like u are#1610: you get someone to sit on you?!#42: uh. no. i haul over aaron's punching bag off the chain and lay it on me.#1610 who is now visibly much calmer: uhhh wow. hm. that's kind of a good idea actually#42: right?! it helps out a lot!#clown horn
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i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself
#maiora garrulates#the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing#and ❤️ Unfortunately ❤️ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew#words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS#AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER#“oh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^”#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing#so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet#i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button#anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same “not good enough” allergy towards visuals#but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that “omg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-” does the “uhm. just write? lol.” 2 meeee#we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even#oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe#its practice >;)c#all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*⚡sfx!!*....... so! options#a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY
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I think we need more stories about how even if you are genuinally a bad person or did something truly atrocious that does not justify the suffering of the mordern Prison Industrial Complex and how prison more than punishment should be about making sure if not all at least most people can go back to society and never do crimes again.
I mean it. Most stories about how bad prison is either follows a thief that did it out of necessity or an innocent man wrongfully arrested and we should think of those people ofc. But we should also think about how prison is not supposed to be karma is supposed to help society (plus we need more assistencial programs to suport victims of violence as well asap).
#and look it seems repehensible to say pay victims who lost their family members#but in a lot of cases a secondary or even primary income loss is also one of the things a grieving family will have to deal with#and while i think the biggest priority should be give them free good quality counseling#there's no point in having therapy when your problem is hunger or that you might not be abble to pay rent now#so yeah financial compensation is included#as someone who is the son of conservatives and whose dead works on the brazilian prison industrial complex#the level of dehumanization towards criminals is insane#and it's never rly based on the crimes they did but on how much they 'respect' the guards#also like I was reading the ballad of reading gaol and was#wow this is genuinally one of the few times the protagonist actually did something i find completly moraly reprehensive#and how it was harder to fell sympathetic towards him even with my views#and it yes victorian times sexism whatever but i know a guy that defends man who murdered woman and it does not sound like that at all#also i found fascinating how in the book i read it it was like yeah victorian prisons suck but we are better now#and i was like noope don't know how the uk is going but brazilian prisons are still shit#prison industrial complex#prison abolition
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Crying over the fact that BEYONCE was surprised by her country album win (her face 😭)
She 100% deserved it and if you don’t agree, fine, I don’t argue with people on the internet because I have better things to do with my time, but only one artist was able to uplift smaller black country artist, highlighting her own black southern heritage, and bring a whole group of listeners into a new genre that they previously avoided.
Just because you didn’t feel like the album represented your type of country, doesn’t mean it’s not country.
The country you love so much would not be where it is today if it wasn’t for black people, so she earned her award in my opinion.
#like genuinely there is nothing you can say to change my mind#this same explanation goes for album of the year too#her album was a body of work WITH AN IMPACT and sounded good#honestly the ONLY album I would have been okay with also winning is Chapell because she also had a major impact#look Billie is amazing but her album had no social impact#grammys#beyonce#I actually think I agree with most of the awards given tonight wow#doechii I’m so proud I teared up she’s so amazing#and Kendrick deserved his not like us awards#AND DIE WITH A SMILE won too and also deserved argue with ya mama
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I'm actually... enjoying Wuthering Waves this time...
#abbey plays wuwa#maybe it's the Genshin burnout#or maybe it's because it's actually better than I expected#it may also have something to do with getting Camellya#she's so fun to play as and so gorgeous#but anyway I'm appreciating it more this time around#Jinhsi's arc was really good and very epic#I loved the puzzles that had to do with reversing time and such#and the animations were incredible#voice acting seems to sound better too#I'm also finishing Yinlin's companion quest and I've been enjoying it a lot#and I'm very curious about Phrolova#as well as where the game's direction is heading#'cause I saw the new drip marketings and wow the new characters look so very different#anyways so far so good#I guess I'll keep playing#I need to build my characters properly though#Echoes are so weird I still don't know how to actually farm them??#but I'm on it
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Star Princess and her Viscount 🌟💫✨
(Blaze & Silver as Christine & Raoul | Part 2 of my Phantom!Sonic Series | Part 1 )
masquerade scene was soooo gorgeous
I was listening to phantom of the opera ost and other musicals as I did this and oh my god it really puts you in the right mood, especially "all I ask of you" TT <33
#as promised blaze as Christine since it was Amy last!#messy sketch so please do not look too closely haha#I was debating if blaze should have kept her pony tail or not but I left it in meh#the star princess dress took foreverrrrr but then as I was drawing silver it took like ??? no time ?? LMAOO#wow silver makes a really good Raoul like the OST had him sounding so loyal and kind and its just so silver LOL#I could probably go deeper ....#christine daae#viscount raoul de chagny#raoul de chagny#phantom of the opera#blaze the cat#silver the hedgehog#sonic fanart#nomdoodle#Can be seen as platonic or ship#silvaze#Phantom!Sonic
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Re:Kinder Fun fact time!! Did you know? 😊
Yuuichi's theme song (the one that often accompanies his entrances with "Vamos Cantar!"), 新しい夏のナナ, is not in any latin language such as Spanish or Portuguese, despite its lyrics sounding as such. It's actually in Hanamogera, which to put it simply is nonsense speech based on japanese syllables. So the song's lyrics are essentially gibberish meant to imitate the sound of latin music! 😊
It is listed as such in the source site for the song, oo39.com, where the song can be found as "YS068" in the hanamogera category.
Additional fun fact! The song can also be found in Spotify as Vien Nana by Oo39.com themselves alongside a few other select songs from the site. So you can properly enjoy the song on the platform without having to import it from your local files.
Those are the fun Re:Kinder related fun facts for today... Use them to entertain your friends at parties ! ☺️
#re:kinder#not art#now tiny storytime in the tags!!! 😊...#what prompted me to look into this months ago was the fact i genuinely thought it was in spanish at first#AS A SPANISH NATIVE SPEAKER. I HEARD THIS SONG VAGUELY AND WAS LIKE... WOW... i wonder what it says!#because i thought i didnt understand it as i was mostly paying attention to the text or because of my computer's speaker#plugged headphones in and heard carefully... i didnt understand anything. but it sounded just like it i was so confused#for a second i wondered if it was portuguese but there was no way it was because even then i would have known😭#the magic of knowing either language of spanish (at least latin spanish) and portuguese is it makes the other very recognizable#this was not it looked for the opinions of other latin speaking language people THEY DID NOT UNDERSTAND A THING#and thats how i ended up looking into the source and finding this out 😊#i was very pleasantly surprised to see it was gibberish because IM NOT SURE HOW TO EXPRESS TO YOU ITS VERY GOOD#VERY WELL DONE GIBBERISH SO WELL DONE IT MAKES A PROPER SENTENCE AT ONE POINT#gibberish so well done it fooled native speakers into thinking it was their own languages . so good im so obsessed with this#i had to share this fun fact eventually somrwhere other than yourjbe comments#and i remembered i could acrually speak here about the game and not only post art of it teehee😊#so thats your awesome fun fact micht also drop more if im confident in doing so and their validity because theres more tbat are in japanese#and im trying to figure em out watch as i study the inner workings of a language so i dont have to learn how to actually speak it#(i love conlangs so this is a good excuse)
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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