#looking for a place is sooo hard
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scheduling a tour tm for an apartment complex that I rlly rlly like everyone pls cross your fingers that it works out and it’s as nice as the photos and that I can live there thx 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼
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Leo learns something about himself 🏳️⚧️
Based roughly on this old post.
Bonus:
[Leo is taking the fact that he was born biologically female simultaneously very well and also not so well but overall he’s mostly coping with the fact that it was Draxum that just essentially gave him the turtle equivalent of ‘The Talk’.]
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#trans leonardo#trans leo#rottmnt headcanons#turtle art tag#rise draxum#happy pride everyone~#if you’re wondering why there’s no backgrounds that’s because my files got messed up so just blankness in the bg sorry#but yeah!#this is forever and always my fav headcanon for Leo it makes too much sense to me#I wanted to make sure I got it done in time for pride haha#I don’t know if it’s obvious by the end but Draxum ran off because he was for once doing something nice for Leo#that being leading him somewhere else not in front of everyone so Leo can process the fact that he was born female in peace haha#(but he also just - wanted to avoid the ensuing awkward Talk as long as he could lol)#“how would Leo NOT know’’ he had an inkling but never thought much of it because he’s a teenage turtle mutant with no access to healthcare#also yeah that’s splinter’s hand at the end there I just KNOW he’d want those pics#also also - Leo here can technically be trans or even intersex in some way too#both is good#making this made me remember why I never do color#at least for comics#it just takes sooo long#but it was fun and worth it for my fave hc#this is like the first time I’ve drawn Draxum and man he’s kinda hard to draw#also their sizes are just 1 2 and 3 because Draxum had a simple system in place for sizing his subjects#(aka I was too lazy to think of anything else to put there)#also dunno if anyone noticed but look at Raph’s paper and look at his baby’s self’s photo
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Been really pondering Fantoccio and the cursed citizens lately… like, if you’re stuck in a city for 15 years with some of your only company being these cursed globby versions of the people that used to surround you normally, you’d start to Notice Things that remind you of who they used to be, right?
#I HAVE SO SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS GUY HE MAKES ME SOOO SAD. FANTOCCIO….#i really do think about his time in the city a lot. like a whooole lot.#like ofc these are weird amorphous blobs but yknow. there may still be some semblance of who they used to be within them#they have old habits or hang around in places they used to live idk idk.#they still have some of that old humanity they used to hold i guess… even in their cursed forms…#a little spark of hope that maybe everything will go back to normal someday#i dunno. and maybe eventually they even start to LOOK normal. all in ur head#fanto’s supposed to be younger here btw!! id personally put him at around 12-14 maybe?#also the bear baker’s name is Miss Cardamom!! unfortunately she is doomed by the narrative…. so sad… ú_ù#the bg characters were VERY VERY FUN to design!!! hehehe#billie bust up#bbu fantoccio#bbu the fella#robin’s art#2024 art#didnt mean to go as hard on the art as i did… twas supposed to just be a simple sketch comic HAHA#comicfollies
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I remembered. It was about how I realized my one genuine most pretentious and fucked up trait is that I can't help but judge people based on what they're fascinated by but most importantly WHY it fascinates them. I try to tell myself it's not that deep but I can't help it. I think I'd feel better if I were one of those people that are really judgey on like, appearance or fashion sense or whatever because it's still fucked up but it's like NORMALIZED fucked up. You know what I mean.
#diary#and I feel out of place when I can't relate. even though I know it's ultimately a good thing to not judge others super hard#for what they look like. Cause I'm sure I do it too but I've noticed I care a LOOOOOT less#than the people around me do. And it makes me feel weird.#ALSO IT'S SOOO ANNOYING WHEN LIKE... you say Hey I don't think you should be saying those things#about that person's body/appearance.#then inevitably there's always someone like OHHHH everyone look they're sooo good and moral and above all of us 🙄🤪🤪#when you neverrr fucking said that. Like that's a lot of assumptions you just made
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thursday quest - no physical therapy today - make and eat lunch sooooo early but i can do it!!!!! - get ready for wedding - attend wedding! yay! (: - decompress well when i get home <3
#its thursday quest#god i'm so anxious about it autism style. so many uncertainties that i simply cannot account for alone. but i'm being sooo 'brave' about it#(keeping it to myself. except for posting about it)#taxi company hasn't texted me the drivers' details yet and i emailed them to be like ummmm your policy is to pay before the day#would you like to email me the payment details so i can do that? and they were like 'we'll send the driver details soon' ummmm#there isn't much soon left!!!!!!! it's happening tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!#they're probably just not Organised™ in the way i prefer to be. which is objectively fine it's just challenging for me personally.#i do not think it's Bad but!!!!! i've never taken a taxi before <- guy who Is Scared Of Taxis Specifically but has to face#their fears because they're disabled and have no other choice.#worst case i am down the money and no-one arrives to take me home i guess :P but it'll be afternoon AND my family are there so#in theory i could just get a lift home even though that would mess up other people's plans sooooo bad. UNLESS they have already drunk uhhhh#in which case i guess i'd just ask for help calling a taxi to the place. plany of people who can do such things easily (unlike me)#it'll be fine!!! i can ask my siblings if need be bc they are so niceys and will not get mad at me for being autistic o7#My other worry is being too hot and being in a rush getting ready bc i have to eat a proper meal due to the symptoms syndromes#and we are leaving when my lunch usually is so that's a whole thing. which ALSO doesn't matter and I can do! it's just hard!#where is that post that's like 'managed mental illness can look like absence of mental illness 😅'. NOT saying being autistic is mental#illness i am saying that the specific extreme anxiety i have is for me linked to autistic issues with 'the unknown' and boy. does this#social situation also have a lot of unknown.#BUT I CAN DO IT! and dare i say even have a nice time!!!!! it's just i get so so scared beforehand but i will not express it in a way that#impacts or inconveniences anyone else!!! i can handle it by myself at my house and it'll be fine
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OH YEAH !!
btw I finally managed to find this while I was out the other day at barnes and noble! I cant wait to Finally get into it
#robin.txt#this was all they had at the store sooo#I did find one place online to read it but idk it's hard to see it i probably need to look somewhere else lmao#BUT yeaaa i need to bring it with me to work tomorrow and like Actually Read
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PRAYER CIRCLE MANIFESTING CIRCLE IDC HOLD MY HANDS BESTIES ON GOD I WILL MOVE OUT AROUND EASTER AND THE HOUSE WILL GO THROUGH
#😭😭😭😭 looked at a really good place today and it would be perfect and RAHHHHHH#it would be perfeft#i hope everything falls into place i hope sooo hard#the thought of having my own thing (albeit with my brother) is so emotional#i can finally feel safe and at home 🥹
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speaking of drawing people's faces and lifting any art of [will roland role based] characters overhead when you can tell the artist was actually trying to meaningfully use that inspiration beyond "brown hair. glasses" like wow once in a lifetime unsame as it ever was
not coming up a lot that Professional Illustrators are drawing will roland as [role] or like, in general, but that in fact there Are the examples of professional illustrator justin "squigs" robertson drawing him several times and it's like, doing stylized portraits of people working in theatre that are indeed focusing on distinguishable individuals versus, say, the style being more abstracted
all drawn differently but various gists are there, and none of the people in these group collages look interchangeable or like oh and this person gets thee "generic/default" look
there's also the fact i'm like 99% sure there's a squigs-drawn larger portrait of will roland just as himself that i love to think of / sure further encapsulates that "thank god this artist drawing Features" but i can't find it or remember exactly what context it was in. augh
but also there's this other deh illustration ft. wrol jared i found lol. bonus
#sooo replenishing#and like the issue pointed out that the excuse of [skill issue] is offered like It's Really Not A Skill Issue#someone can be very inexperienced at say; drawing; and still Evidently be actually trying to capture something Actually There in whatever#their model is. me as a like 5 yr old on the level of [yes all faces Are abstracted as =) ] still for example clearly depicting my mom's#usual hairstyle in my crayon portraits there#these examples here the polar opposites of The Nose Issue lol like stylized simplified And Yet still all clearly downturned#even the stylization leaning more convex nose bridge than that concave upturned nose slapped on anyone's face#deh#will roland#bmc#and forever the idea that Stylized Simplified drawing techniques are easy / bad but like it sure af is neither#you can note 'ah i see that this experienced artist's drawings are not photorealistic; formed of what i can tell are simple lil lines even'#but then be thrown off b/c of course it Looks easy but their lines are afforded a Casualness in their execution from their experience#knowing how to form and place them to give it that [Looks Good] without it being a painstaking &/or [9000 tries & errors] process for them#and like sure then anyone can Recreate it but you can throw yourself off thinking you Ought to be able to straightup Create It similarly...#like copying these obviously simplified stylized Faces made up of varying Shapes as seen here? prob a fun & neat & helpful exercise#especially if one's just working on breaking out of the ''i draw a Default Face for Everyone'' kind of situation#the exaggerated swoops and hard angles Geometry of compositions and forms overall is also a v fun element used here
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i need 2 stop drawing static stuff . white bg . front facing pose. <will do it again
#i looked thru my media tab 2day .horrific#WHERES THA PURPOSEEEE E#there doesnt have 2 be any . of coursies .#but thats smt i want to work on rly hard T_T 2024!!!!!!!!!#smth smth reflection but i am happy with what ive done in 2023#definitely havent finished as many things as id hoped but thats okay.kind of touched on it w that one trgn comp a few months ago#but i tried 2 be more confident in areas i wasnt so sure abt before and it paid off in a way that im happy with T__T❤️#like despite all my gloom & burnout and artblock . i had a lot of fun . and im rly fortunate that ive been able to meet the nicest ppl#through it T__T#idk what jm talking abt anymore but j think . i am happy w the direction im headed in and i just need to work harder now on variability#and concept and composition. not rly sure where to start but i think compiling some of my favs in a single place#and studying them will help. :3.. AND NOT GIVING UP A SKETCH IF ITS FRUSTRATING ATM😭😭😭😭#some of them ..that one w meryl and vash . i ould not for the life of me figure out and i was like soo done w it#but then i was likeno OK just do it who cares . and then i found a workflow that worked and it WAS SOO MUCH FUNNN AND I STILL RLY LOVE HOW#IT TURNED OUTTT ..#and the one w knives . the beautiful universe one . i rmbr being so annoyed by a similar attempt that inwas lkke fuck it im just gna use the#biggest brush ever and play arnd with stuff bc its not gna see the light of day and fhen j agonized abt sharing it and everyone WAS SOOO#NICE TO ME !!&2&2 LIKEEE it was one of my earliest trgn pieces so kind of new 2 da scene and lkke . idk man it helped me enjoy my art from#an outside perspective after struggling w the doubt and its now one of my favorites ever too …#ORRR .. the vash and wolfwood one w the silly blue sky bg .. the textures were so mindless and fun#or the elendira . SOOO MANY FUN ELENDIRAS.. the perspective nail gun one is still a fav bc i shy away from perspective bc its hard as shit#but it worked out and i luv it tew .#sory anyways . very happy. and thankful^__^ ik when j post stuff like URRG MY ART!!!it mostly jst comes from .like GAAH want 2 push myself#harder bc i know itll be fun once i get 2 where im going T_T#anyways if u got 2 this point u r lkterally angel my angelll~ hamtaro pic#tys
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okay i just have to make it through tomorrow and then it's all going to be fine for like two weeks maybe hopefully
#azon gondoldkoztam h egyetemen majd lehet felveszek egy francia minort de még alaposan átgondolom mert. hát francia#also it's moreso the fact that i can understand french but i have a hard time jumbling together all the words in order for it to make sense#as a whole. also pronouns aint shit because for one they have sooo many and they dont even make sense most of the time for me at least#and if you try to google some materials you have to google quote prénoms français unquote and then it gives you a list of French Names To#Give To Your Child which is somehow worse than what you were looking up in the first place#napló
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THE COMIC IS HERE!! I had to pair a bunch of them together so some of the art is a bit cropped :’)
I haven’t done a comic in a LONG TIME so this is Very Rusty :( Ah well! The concept of making these goobers Human is so silly to me
#hershel’s octonauts au#i needed the practice with my coloured pencils ueue. skin is quite hard to pull off well for me!!#i think it came out best on philliam. he’s the most accurate to his intended tone ! second place goes to rosemary#lars and theatre…. i am so sorry i butchered them SO BAD D: RHEY LOOK LIKE DONAL TUMP#polly/jarvis no notes. hair is the best part#charley :)#i made a smaller thing with theatre and philliam specifically. i dint remember if i showed it. checks#i did NOT show it yet. giggles and spins THATS NEXT#anyways uhm. more actual tags. uuuhhh#art#comic?#uugughb itbwasnt made in actual comic format sooo uguhmmhm#listen my worst fear is being one of those instagram mfs who uses all of the wrong tags#i wanna be ACCURATE and not SPAM REAL TAGS to get more attention. thats SILLY :(#really love. whatever this anxiety is ablut tags. its really fun. anyway#byebye hope you enjoy the sillies dealing with their sudden mortality
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thinking abt the previous post, the agency i worked at for a couple years would use bits of ABA and I just... I always nodded along to the boss instructing me on how to work with the kids with those tactics (I worked with the kids who were 6 and under) and then as soon as she left I tossed all that shit out of my brain and just treated the kid like a human being and worked with them where they were at.
and guess what !!! i had the most and fastest success out of every other worker in the entire building!! i was often told it seemed like i was working miracles with my kids bc they'd just progress so fast (comparatively) through the skill book we had to work on, and that the kids always seemed so happy and eager to come to the building after they started working with me!!
this is partially why I quit because I couldn't stand seeing my coworkers treat the kids like they were dogs (talking down to them, being patronizing, and utilizing shitty ABA tactics) and as much good as I was doing there, it was fucking me up bc they were extremely demanding that I work more than I was comfortable (or able) to, and often put me with "problem" kids who I didn't get to regularly see so we couldn't make much progress bc the kids weren't able to get to know me and (rightfully!) didn't trust me because they thought I'd be treating them the way everyone else did.
i just...... my coworkers would ask me how I had so much success and I would just shrug and say like, "just treat them like they're human and work with them where they're at" and I couldn't explain any more bc that'd require me admitting I wasn't following the boss' guidance for a lot of shit fjfkdl
#i had kids who didn't like talking suddenly become chatterboxes bc they actually felt safe and listened to for once !!!#(and ofc some kids just didnt like talking and that was okay bc they would talk when needed but just preferred to be quiet)#also yall i had no formal training for this 😭 i was thrown into the fray one day djfkdl i was supposed to just work as an admin assistant#it was just fucking bonkers there#kids had meltdowns sometimes bc the workers were so useless and didnt take the time to learn to read the child and they'd push too much#and they did things in ways that were sooo rigid so often like... if a kid is looking tired u gotta shift ur schedule around !!#but they'd just be like noooope this is our plan and we have to stick to it#my guy!! the child looks exhausted!!! they are fucking four years old !!! what the hell are u doing!!!#no four yr old is going to ever feel okay if u keep pushing them to do stuff they dont rly want to do when theyre tuckered out!!#anyways i could rant for hours abt that place lmfao#i still think abt the kids so often esp some of the ones with rough home lives#and i just rly rly hope theyre doing okay#but i cannot go back and help again bc that place destroyed me gjfkdl i hit autistic burnout HARD while there#and thats what ultimately forced me to quit#otherwise i probably would've stayed bc i rly wanted to give these kids someone safe to be around esp if their homes werent a v safe place#idk its so hard bc one person can't change the entire way things are (esp since i had no formal training)#but also if im not there then i know nobody else there is going to be knocking ABA to the side and treating the kids like whole ass humans!#eugh i hate thinking abt it bc I just... what the fuck do u do with a situation like that lmfao#i miss those kids sm though fjfkdl theyre all so cool and fun and rly good kids#i hope good things happen to them :')#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#ableism tw#aba tw
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anywayssss a plot i really would like to explore with percy is perhaps him having a childhood sweetheart that he reunites with while hunting ripley [ pre-vm ] & then like maybe they don’t get along well. maybe they’re forced to work together for some other reason though & they get to relearn everything about one another in the process, reigniting some of that chemistry & perhaps even. . .. . . .. falling in love [ bonus round if op has also had to reinvent themselves. i love two people who are hard to get along with taking the time to understand one another ]
#wishlist.#i do not know if this makes sense but the thought is lingering in my head#bcs i have been thinking on percy's age hard the last few days & i think he was 16 or 17 when his family was killed#which would place him at abt 22 at the beginning of tlovm in the show#i am still simmering but i love the idea of like percy & someone thinking they know each other sooo well#holding hands#stealing kisses when no one is looking#so on & so forth#but when they reuinite it is harder than it's ever been before#like there still being an inherent familiarality with one another but things are different#they are more tired#angrier witht he world#trying to see the paths ahead of them while still trying to grapple with what has already passed#i will go insane for this plot do not fucking test me
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So much work to do but im actually doing it which scares me more than the fact i have work to do and u can tell bc i keep fucking posting like this
#laid out all my sketches i needed.. updated my carrd projects list... finalized art piece.. sketched concept.. studied from art book#fucking insane. insane. so scary so scary.#like idk it is so weird i think being depressed mustve made my adhd so much worse ?? i couldve never done this before#everything is still hard and i have to genuinely push and will myself to even attempt working on anything but like#i have enough will to win and start ? i dont lose my focus as much when im in it and if i do i know to take a break bc im understimulated?#i still forget basic things and to do things a lot but i dont catastrophize about it as much i get upset and then just fix it..#its so weird did i just fucking learn to self regulate??? is that what i was missing this whole time ???????#u get punished for like lacking focus and self regulation and have a defeatist mindset bc doing anything = punishment#but then you break through that fear and just throw yourself in and make yourself do things and u can work WITH the adhd????#my parents fucking scammed me bro imagine if i had been raised and like helped instead of called worthless for everytime i fuck up#WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN THIS AT ALMOST 19. STUPID STUPID STUPID#even my old therapists.. oh you have adhd maybe if you just change your diet you will function WOWWW SOOO HELPFUL#HOW DOES THAT HELP ME LEARN TO BE AWARE OF MY SELF AND NEEDS AND REGULATE THEM TO WORK WITH MY MENTAL HANDICAPS HUH. QUICKLY#stupid... i hate every adult in the world you are all useless and do nothing <- is an adult#its so crazy 2 me to function even a little... i guess i learned easily finally bc i self analyze way too much sometimes#but like i genuinely for years predicted id just like. go right back to being majorly suicidal or something in college#bc i could barely handle highschool or getting assignments done#now im meeting deadlines on the reg... like idk. i think it is such a rare and strange and kind of sick feeling#to know like young you would look at you and be surprised or shocked . and its so sad bc like idk.#its like oh i never believed in myself huh. or believed i could have a place in the world and function and be alright#and then u have to grieve all the time you spent never trying bc u didnt think trying without failing was possible like what the hell!!!#crazy...#the gamer speaks uwu
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just finished a video on no longer human. It really do be like that
#luly talks#a second video as i had seen the wendigoon one way back#but i kinda had forgotten most as i do bc that guy is a bit all over the place so its hard to absorb information he delivers#ngl tho. like the video was good but whenever the guy went yeah he truly isnt human (derogatory) it felt sooo uncomfortable#you fell for the character's facade that you're meant to dismantle etc#but like its true how sometimes when you're in such dissociation and so detached from everything to connect becomes impossible#bc you can only think about what you are doing or not and cannot look at the other person like in the book your guard is too high#i liked a comment on the video a lot too saying that he ran away and didnt help his wife bc he idolized humanity#and she was human but if that didnt protect her then what was the point?#which i mean yeah i mean depersonalization on its own is never a rational Thing you know but its like#i dont know what i was gonna say#but the idolization of humans is not even rare either. is that conviction that to be else makes you inferior#not me tho which truly is off. i am otherkin but its always from a place of coexistence of layers#i can imitate humans and i can imitate cats and i can imitate dogs i can learn to be like you#which i guess would imply there's no natural state of self but i dont think that's the case#but i guess there's nothing in the everythign and there's everything in the nothing#and in the end im just#luly. i guess. name feels like a heavy chain lately#i dont know how to do with that.#you know i always enjoyed it but as im in this state of trynig to. clear up the brain fog. perceive individuality in the multiplicity#names become hard. as well as gender. which i guess are the main thngs that bring you identity so its not surpring#sorry this rant got way more personal than it'd be#its just a really uncomfortable thing#especially when you take masking into account its just a lot.#sorry i really got off the rails there#anyway yeah it happens to the best of us#brain stuff
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I have a current art swap going on with a friend. They are making/have made a spoon patch for my battle jacket and a beanie for me. In return I am mustering all the drawing and general art skills I can to draw their cat.
The specific goal is to make the drawings of the cat look like it is from a monk manuscript. One of the side margin creeturs.
Here are some of my fav sketches so far :)
Some of those lines are a little weird just cause I didn't have an eraser with me at the time of drawing. But so far, very happy with what I've got :D
I also found a really cool sight that has a bunch of old manuscript stuff on it that has so many categories. Sorted by the text it contains but also by the critters that appear in it. Was great for finding old cats to go off.
#og#not my cat#so was a little hard getting the marking in the right place#but the friend sent me sooo many cat pictures that i have more than enough references lol#all of my brain power went into this thin#havent even coloured it#or used a pen yet#and i also want to put a border on it and maybe even some manuscript text that makes it look like the image has been cut out#i feel a little bad though#cause ive taken so long to do just this#but luckily my friend is also disabled so recognises how that sorta stuff rolls :)
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