#which i mean yeah i mean depersonalization on its own is never a rational Thing you know but its like
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just finished a video on no longer human. It really do be like that
#luly talks#a second video as i had seen the wendigoon one way back#but i kinda had forgotten most as i do bc that guy is a bit all over the place so its hard to absorb information he delivers#ngl tho. like the video was good but whenever the guy went yeah he truly isnt human (derogatory) it felt sooo uncomfortable#you fell for the character's facade that you're meant to dismantle etc#but like its true how sometimes when you're in such dissociation and so detached from everything to connect becomes impossible#bc you can only think about what you are doing or not and cannot look at the other person like in the book your guard is too high#i liked a comment on the video a lot too saying that he ran away and didnt help his wife bc he idolized humanity#and she was human but if that didnt protect her then what was the point?#which i mean yeah i mean depersonalization on its own is never a rational Thing you know but its like#i dont know what i was gonna say#but the idolization of humans is not even rare either. is that conviction that to be else makes you inferior#not me tho which truly is off. i am otherkin but its always from a place of coexistence of layers#i can imitate humans and i can imitate cats and i can imitate dogs i can learn to be like you#which i guess would imply there's no natural state of self but i dont think that's the case#but i guess there's nothing in the everythign and there's everything in the nothing#and in the end im just#luly. i guess. name feels like a heavy chain lately#i dont know how to do with that.#you know i always enjoyed it but as im in this state of trynig to. clear up the brain fog. perceive individuality in the multiplicity#names become hard. as well as gender. which i guess are the main thngs that bring you identity so its not surpring#sorry this rant got way more personal than it'd be#its just a really uncomfortable thing#especially when you take masking into account its just a lot.#sorry i really got off the rails there#anyway yeah it happens to the best of us#brain stuff
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