#looking at it and finding a balance between self growth and outside action is hard

[staticraichu]

You, as a person, aren't just one thing, you consist of many small parts, with your conscious being an aggregator of many of them and in charge of making desicions. This is not the only You, but it's the the You you're most familiar with and the You that you have the most direct control over.

And sometimes it's best to make a desicion not because you think it is the right one, or because you're told it is supposed to be right, but because it's a desicion that the most of you can be at peace with.

And if it's a desicion you know isn't right in the long run you can keep close it while slowly taking steps towards the better one in a way that helps all the pieces of you to become at piece with in a more comfortable way.

[bitchy-craft]

How June Will Go For You | Pick A Pile

Hello and welcome to this Pick A Pile! In here you'll find out how June will go for you. I hope you guys enjoy and find this useful. Do make sure to leave comments down below on your experience! I do want to remind you all that this is a General Pick A Pile which means this is for a lot of people; therefore keep what resonates and leave what doesn't.

Masterlist > Questions

Pile 1:

This pile represents a transformative journey for you in June. It signifies a period of growth, self-discovery, and personal evolution. The cards indicate that you may have been feeling stagnant or stuck in certain areas of your life, but June brings an opportunity for significant change. It's time to break free from old patterns and embrace a new way of being. This month, you will have the chance to delve deep within yourself, uncover hidden truths, and release what no longer serves you.

The path of transformation in June may not always be easy, as it requires courage and a willingness to step outside of your comfort zone. However, the rewards will be worth it. You will experience a renewed sense of purpose and a greater understanding of your true desires. Embrace change and trust the process. Allow yourself to let go of the old and make room for the new. This is a time of personal growth and empowerment, where you have the opportunity to shape your life in alignment with your authentic self.

Pile 2:

This pile represents a month filled with abundance and prosperity. June will bring opportunities for financial growth, career advancements, and material well-being. The cards suggest that you have been working hard and laying the groundwork for success, and now is the time to reap the rewards. Your efforts will start to pay off, and you may see an increase in income, new business opportunities, or a positive shift in your career.

To fully embrace the path of abundance in June, it is important to maintain a positive mindset and cultivate gratitude. Be open to receiving blessings from unexpected sources and trust that the universe is supporting your endeavors. This is a month to focus on abundance in all areas of your life, not just financial. Look for opportunities to expand your knowledge, enrich your relationships, and deepen your sense of fulfillment. Share your abundance with others and give back to the community in meaningful ways.

Pile 3:

This pile highlights the importance of relationships and connections in June. The cards suggest that your focus this month will be on nurturing and strengthening your bonds with loved ones, friends, and even new acquaintances. June presents an opportunity for deeper emotional connections, resolving conflicts, and creating harmonious relationships.

It is crucial to invest time and energy in building meaningful connections and fostering open communication. Take the initiative to reach out to loved ones, plan social gatherings, or engage in activities that promote connection. This is a month to prioritize quality time with those who matter most to you. The cards also indicate the potential for new relationships to enter your life. Stay open to meeting new people and be willing to explore new social circles or communities.

Remember to prioritize self-care and maintain a healthy balance between your personal and social life. June is a time to cultivate empathy, compassion, and understanding in your relationships. By investing in your connections, you will experience greater joy, support, and fulfillment.

Overall, June holds the potential for significant growth, abundance, and positive relationship experiences. Embrace transformation, seize opportunities, and nurture your connections. Trust your intuition and stay open to the possibilities that come your way. Remember, your actions and decisions will shape your experiences, so make the most of this transformative and abundant month.

[mona12424]

How the 888 Angel Number Can Guide You in Life

The 888 Angel number is a special sign that shows up when the universe wants to send you a message. It’s often seen as a symbol of abundance, balance, and success. If you keep seeing this number, it means something big is happening in your life, and your guardian angels are trying to guide you through it. In this blog, we’ll break down what the 888 Angel number means and how you can use its message to improve your life.

888 Angel Number: A Sign of Good Things Coming The 888 Angel number is often linked to abundance and prosperity. If you’ve been working hard on your goals, this number is a sign that all your efforts are about to pay off. Whether it’s a new job, financial reward, or personal success, the 888 Angel number shows that good things are on the way. It’s a reminder to keep going and stay positive because your hard work is finally being recognized by the universe.

What the 888 Angel Number Means for Your Spiritual Life On a deeper level, the 888 Angel number represents the idea of infinity and limitless possibilities. When you see this number, it’s a reminder that you have the power to create the life you want. The number 8, which looks like the infinity symbol, shows that energy flows in cycles, and what you give out comes back to you. It’s a nudge from the universe to trust the process and have faith in your journey.

The 888 Angel Number and Finding Balance The 888 Angel number is also about finding balance in all areas of your life. If you’ve been focusing too much on work and neglecting your personal life, this number is a reminder to slow down and find harmony. Balance is key to staying happy and healthy, and the 888 Angel number encourages you to make time for everything that’s important – career, family, relationships, and yourself.

How 888 Angel Number Can Help Your Career and Finances If you keep seeing the 888 Angel number, it’s likely that positive changes are coming in your career and finances. This number is often associated with financial success and professional growth. It might be a sign that a promotion, new business opportunity, or financial windfall is on the horizon. The 888 Angel number tells you to stay focused, make smart choices, and be open to new opportunities that come your way.

Love and Relationships: What the 888 Angel Number Means In relationships, the 888 Angel number represents balance, trust, and mutual respect. If you’re in a relationship, this number could be telling you that things are about to improve, whether it’s more understanding between you and your partner or a deeper connection. For singles, the 888 Angel number might be a reminder to focus on self-love before diving into a new relationship. It’s all about creating balance in your emotional world.

Embracing the Energy of 888 Angel Number To make the most of the 888 Angel number, try to align your mindset with abundance and positivity. This number is all about attracting good things into your life, so focus on what you’re grateful for and believe that more is on the way. A positive mindset helps you stay open to the opportunities the universe is sending your way. Whether through meditation, affirmations, or simply practicing gratitude, tuning into the energy of the 888 Angel number can help you reach your goals.

Personal Growth and the 888 Angel Number The 888 Angel number can also be a sign of personal growth and transformation. If you’ve been feeling stuck, this number might be telling you that it’s time to make a change. Whether it’s a new career path, learning something new, or stepping outside your comfort zone, the 888 Angel number encourages you to take action. The universe is supporting you, and now is the time to grow.

Final Thoughts on the 888 Angel Number In conclusion, the 888 Angel number is a powerful sign that brings messages of abundance, balance, and success. Whether it’s financial prosperity, career growth, or personal transformation, this number shows that good things are coming your way. Stay open to the signs the universe is sending, trust in your journey, and know that you are being guided toward a life filled with happiness and success.

By understanding the meaning of the 888 Angel number, you can embrace its positive energy and allow it to lead you toward a brighter future. Remember, the universe is on your side, and the 888 Angel number is here to remind you that you have everything you need to succeed.

[notyetbulletproof]

@ahoyjacaranda and I were chatting about this past Ted Lasso episode and our thoughts about Keeley Jones have resulted in this post:

What if all this drama is a step in the “Delivering on the Keeley Jones Character Arc” direction?

From the moment we meet Keeley and through her friendship with Ted and Rebecca, she is lovely and kind to everyone she interacts with. She’s sassy and will put you in your place but she’s not cruel. We do however learn about her through her relationships (expected in an ensemble show sure) then watch her come a little into her own. Watch her find new dynamics with others. She takes care of people, leaves people better than she found them. She’s allowing people to add value to her life too.

(Side-note: the writing lifts her out of the trope they played on and then Juno’s acting makes her the beautiful stunning awesome girl we know and love).

Anyway!

We kept coming back to what she said in that conversation in the bathroom with Rebecca. About her dating footballers. About getting older and growing out of certain things and still having the same dating patterns or making the same choices in her relationship. The fatigue of that. The monotony of it. The discontentment. Not breaking the cycle and excepting something different. And Rebecca asks her “what about being accountable?”. Being accountable (both to yourself and others) matters.

Then she and Roy got together. We kept thinking about the little things. The fact that Roy’s insecurities or struggles with vulnerability and letting people in is focused on more than Keeley’s. At the moment, that’s what it feels like. Probably because Roy (canonically) finds vulnerability and open communication more difficult than Keeley does. AND ALSO what happened between S1 and S2 and Roy needing to find his way back to himself and his life outsid of Roy Kent the soccer star. He’s still fucking Roy Kent(just new roles).

Perhaps the exploring of their vulnerabilities, insecurities and communication skills are gonna come back to a more balanced point soon. We’ve seen bits of it. We’ve seen her insecurities and struggles through communication issues, through her genuine fear when she thought Roy was leaving (as opposed to realising that he finally understood what she needed). Keeley is used to being the mature one in her relationships. The one that looked after the other person. The one helping. The one who stays. The one who comes back. The one who acknowledged her missteps and accepted it when the other party didn’t. Till she stopped and realised that equal accountability is important.

With Roy, she has a partner. Someone who wants to work as hard as she does. Someone who wants to help as much as she does. Someone who wants to listen as much as she does. Someone who calls her out the same way she calls him out. Someone who takes responsibility and accountability. Someone she does the same thing with. She takes accountability for her actions when she’s with him, takes responsibility. It’s having a partner VS being “the girlfriend”. It’s having someone you root for who also roots for you. We didn’t see that before. It’s not that it never existed but it’s supposed to be different with Roy, that’s why it works so well.

She’s used to relationships with dramatic exits, angst(!), poor communication or always being the one to “teach” the other. It’s not like her relationship with Roy is perfect, it’s just that now she’s with someone who is as invested as she is. In it as deep as her. Doesn’t want to screw it up as much as she doesn’t want to screw it up. So yes the dramatic shit still happens but it’s the follow up. It’s the coming back. It’s the working it out. It’s the let’s table this until we can actually communicate. It’s the lets talk to each other- because clearly not saying anything and bottling things up leads to outbursts and cold shoulders. Which are all counterproductive and can be annoying—- COMMUNICATION TAKES WORK. And they do the work??? It’s not always gonna be easy but that’s what it means to build a life with another person.

As for why this could be more part of Keeley’s arc than Jamie’s regression or self-sabotage or transference or (fine!) growth— is that we haven’t really seen her character arc play out outside of her relationships with other people. I’m not saying it won’t be an overarching arc or interwoven with both Roy and Jamie because we’ve seen the way Keeley impacts the people around her, we’ve seen her find joy and happiness and love. Still, in the same way we’ve been learning what fuels these characters, what has made them who they are, it would be nice to learn more about Keeley.

Why we think this is part of a confronting insecurities/vulnerabilities/preventing self-sabotage arc is simple—- It’s like when you want something for so long and then you finally get it and it takes more adjustments than you thought necessary. You know you want it and you love it but you’re also incredibly scared to lose it. So you revert to old coping mechanisms. It leads you to engage in self-sabotage because you don’t know how else to be. You have to call yourself out. Hold yourself accountable too.

Remind yourself that you deserve to be happy. And happiness more often than not, takes work. It’s a choice to push through the mud. Not every day will be a happy day but reminding yourself that it doesn’t always come easy, that taking work does not make it LESS good is helpful. The work is necessary. Not all the time sure but the things that matter are worth the tough work of communicating needs/wants/desires, being vulnerable, being accountable, being honest. Showing up. Doing the work.

Listen, we’ve been burned by writers before. So while we’re optimistic, we’re not putting all our hopes on this because LIFE you know?? Still wouldn’t it be nice?

———-

As usual, this got away from me. I’ll stop now.

[cardsbizarreadventure]

I’ve seen a fad where people describe their original character’s personality with a few canon characters from different series.

What characters do you think you could combine to make Joelle?

☆꧁✬◦°˚°◦. ♠ ♣ ♥ ♦ .◦°˚°◦✬꧂☆ Thank you for the ask Mel! It actually took me a good amount of time to even decide upon who would be most fitting to build Joelle. Since she has some of my own self insert in her , but really which oc doesn't? It was kind of hard to decide xD But I think I've managed to collect the ones that are pretty relatable with my character. So here it goes!

Lucy - Elfen Lied If I have to be honest I've never would of thought upon how similar Joelle and Lucy stories are. I was never intending to have so many similarities with this specific characters until recently I stumbled upon a video that made me remember a bit more about the anime and how it played out. Lucy is a very interesting character , born with a 'sickness' ever since she was little kind of reminded me upon Joelle's origin as a pillar both past and present . Lucy has been bullied , barely knew any kind of friends and because of her 'sickness' everyone was after her because what she can cause with her powers , until she stumbled upon one that really liked her for who she was [Kind of gives me the possible Joseph or Rei vibes but without the romantic kind of intent that was implied in the story because Lucy did fall in love with her best friend.] She was brought into a lab to keep away from the outside world and experimented on , until she broke out and was given a chance for a second life regardless of what she had witnessed and did in her youth.

Ren Tao - Shaman King A few aspects that I can collect from Ren are the anger he has built for humanity that really matches with Joelle's story . Because when she ended up in the XPD facility where they did various of experiments on her and basically played her like a toy she began to pile up a lot of anger upon those people creating an image in her head that they were all the same . But after meeting with someone who opened her eyes to the world , she began to have another look upon things and wanted to try and move on and heal but also find a new purpose in life .

Edward Elric - Fullmetal Alchemist When ever I would look at Ed I could actually see a few aspects of Joelle as well , because of his own determination to fix what he has done in the past and return his brother back to his original body , reminds me of how Joelle wants to protect her new family and find a way to stop evil from prevailing . It also gives a pinch of hint upon how him and his brother were trying to bring back their mother , is a similarity upon how Joelle wanted to bring back her own mother but instead she ended up releasing a curse that later on haunts her , the same way Ed and Alphonse tried to bring their mother back and ended up creating a homunculus being. Sadly I haven't watched brotherhood and I really need to , but I'd assume I'd find even more similarities if I do so~. But I do however see a lot of pieces of Ed in Joelle!

Misaki Ayuzawa - Kaichou wa maid-sama This goes a bit on her emotional side to be honest. Misaki is a perfect representation of Joelle , a strong and very responsible individual and yearns for a piece of romance in her life that will assure her that they will stay with them for who they are . A perfect aspect of her Tsundere side because she is very conflicted and very confused when it comes to these sort of things. I absolutely adore her strong character and how she is able to handle so many responsibilities , reminds me upon her current position in the SpeedWagon foundation , a lot fear her because of how she would act and how her attitude just goes across the room, but a good amount also admire her when they get to know her personally and understand her better upon why she is the way she is , that she has a very gentle side to her.

Chise Hatori - Ancient Magus Bride Another little lost soul that was being sold to the world. Chise has always been one of my most favorite characters once I started the anime , the aspects of her that I see in Joelle are the growth she managed to accomplish with herself , she used to have a normal life a happy family , but eventually that turned around when 'dark beings' (which would hint the cults of Hearteater) began to make their way into their life and make it more dangerous to be around , and even the fact that her own 'blood and family' tried to kill her is the hint of her father that almost killed her. [But in the anime it was the mother that tried to.] She eventually ends up in good hands which help her see the world with different eyes and find who she really is and help her discover her own courage and determination that she wants to do better for herself and others around her .

Shigeo Kageyama - Mob Psycho Little little shy Mob~. He was one of my main inspirations if I have to be honest because a lot matched with the two of them. This comes around her more doubtful and shy side. Mob is a perfect representation of both Joelle's moods , when she is sweet and respectful to a menace and a deadly being if they come near their family. Her relationship with Reigen matches with the one me and my friend Mel have with Joelle and Yorie . Let's not forget about how crazy batshid he went when they took his brother away and he was willing to do everything in his powers to save him... but there was also the fire in his house.. now that is basically the next level of Chapter Death in a sense. But for real there are a lot of aspects behind Mob that I connect with Joelle and how her character is displayed~.

Yuuji Itadori - Jujutsu Kaisen Yuji is the aspect of Joelle that exists kind of rare but it's still there , it's her little goofy side , but the amount of love for her friends and family is also there . His determination and courage to protect his new friends is the same as Joelle trying to protect her own regardless of what kind of burden both of them carry that can cause the destruction of the world, even if the the two of them might appear weak to most they would always throw themselves in danger to protect their loved ones , but later one begin to grow in personality and strength . Maybe I can even connect a tad bit Sukuna and Chapter Death because both are the representation of the final stage when the 'scary' takes over and would basically erase your existence . Yuji and His friends remind me a whole lot of Joelle and her own little crew and how each of them help each other and will always be there no matter what. Basically the hero that wants to save everyone and doesn't really care what happens to them , as long as everyone is safe .

Manjiro Sano and Ken Ryuguji - Tokyo Revengers These two go in pair ~. I see a big portion of aspects of the two in Joelle and each of them kind of represent her 'goofy' and her very serious and respect side. Mikey is a bit more laid back and chill but at the same time very scary , a bit how Joelle is in a sense how she can be so calm on certain occasions until she finally snaps and beats the crap of anyone who doubted her and called her 'small and helpless.' This is the aspect I enjoy the most between the two because they underestimate their opponent and then get their ass handed to them , that's how the two kind of go xD. Draken would be maybe her grown up and mature side in a way and the one that keeps things in line when ever there is justice that needs to be served because no one is allowed to hurt their friends and family. Very loyal and determined and even jump down to apologize for their wrongs to try and correct themselves and possibly help their friends understand the situation a little better , unless there is no way out they always try and reason first before jumping into action.

Nezuko Kamado - Demon Slayer / Kimetsu no Yaiba [New Add] I almost forgot!! Honestly I can't forget to include my favorite little goofball . Another little demon that I can see a lot of personality traits and aspects in Joelle as well. Nezuko and Tanjiro are also a good representation of both Jericho and Joelle in a sense because of how strong their bond is beyond anything . I don't want to spoil anything in my current arcs because I want to keep it a surprise since I have a whole lot of things to decide on . Nezuko displays Joelle's very protective side and very caring one as well the side of value she feels towards her surroundings and regardless of being a little 'different' she still is the same person no matter what happens and will never lose her humanity even after being 'cursed'. And even be a little bit of a hint of her sensitive and cute side too regardless that she doesn't show it too often xD.

Saitama - One Punch Man And last but not least , I put him on the bottom because at the beginning when I was creating Joelle I would always think of Saitama and how she was going to play out of sort of a joke that is really powerful and kind of blunt in a sense . But now she has grown so much and has so much potential , story and personality behind her that you can't even imagine! Saitama was maybe my very first inspiration when I created her because for some odd reason I really like OP shid and I mean literally xD. I don't know why but I just do , but regardless of Joelle being kind of OP orientated , later on when I began to play out her story I started to balance her because I wanted her to seem a bit more real other than I just came here to kick your ass and you're dead now lmfao. She still has some funny little aspects of Saitama behind her that's for sure , but she is completely different now and I am super proud of what a long journey she has gone through and grown so much as a character ^ ^. Thank you so much for sending in dear!!I really enjoyed this ask <333!! - Cards

[janekfan]

I'm a little hesitant about this prompt, because it might need a longer story to fill it, but based on reading your fics it may be to your taste for h/c? I've seen a few Geraskier stories where Geralt is cursed to lose his sight and hearing, but I'd be interested to read one where it's Jaskier who's cursed instead. You seem to like exploring growth in stories, and I could see Geralt having to step outside his comfort zone, learning to help and support Jask while they try to break the curse.

I was inspired by this prompt because in my youth, when families go to water parks and things, my mother insisted on holding my glasses so I wouldn't lose them, not realizing I cannot see hardly ANYTHING without them, just colors. She left me like half a dozen times in a throng of people and it was scary. And even though I kept telling her I couldn't SEE HER, she wouldn't listen. I felt scared and stupid because I couldn't keep track of my family.

So I hope you enjoy :D

Thank you for the prompt! @obscurebookwyrm

Sankofa

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25965268/chapters/63119659

“Geralt.”

“Hm.”

“I. What do you want me to say?” Jaskier’s grip on his lute tightened and he had to forcibly relax himself so as not to snap it in twain. “That you should have gotten hit with it instead? That you should be the one waiting for the effects of a curse to take hold so that I? The mighty bard can be the one to protect us both?”

“Hm.”

“Need I remind you that had you not pissed her off, we wouldn’t even be here?”

“Hm.”

“Fine. Leave me at the next village and I’ll just succumb to whatever this ends up being while you continue witchering or whatever.”

“Hm.” Roach picked up her pace and he could hear Jaskier curse Geralt’s stubbornness as he loped after them.

Geralt was angry. Angrier than usual with the musician and definitely not impressed with his self sacrifice because now, if anything, he would be an even bigger liability. It was bad enough he fumbled along behind him, constantly jabbering, writing the most ridiculous songs. But now, Geralt had to wait and see what would become of him now that he’d been hit with some unnamed affliction. Geralt refused to admit that Jaskier was right. That it was better that the stronger of them was curse free and able to continue on unimpaired.

But he was now an even larger inconvenience and Geralt hadn’t thought that was possible.

And yet.

As brave a face as he was putting on, he could smell the sour scent of anxiousness as Jaskier filled up the silence with more talk about inane things, stray lyrics, random observations, all because he was nervous.

Nothing happened yet. Maybe nothing would happen at all.

“Geralt.” Even and steady, Jaskier’s voice hovered somewhere to the left of him. There was something strange about the quality of it and it immediately set Geralt on edge.

“What?” He couldn’t help the exasperation, it had been a long few days, and he felt Jaskier tense beside him on his bed roll.

“There.” He paused and Geralt knew if he turned to look at him he’d be worrying his lip between his teeth.

“What?” They were late as it is, the sun three fingers above the horizon already.

“There are no stars.” His whispering was shaky and trembling. Fear. It was flooding Geralt’s sensitive nose. What was this lunatic on about? Of course there weren’t any stars.

“It’s late morning. Of course there aren’t.” He rolled his eyes and began packing up camp. They’d eat on the move to make up for lost time. He nudged Jaskier with the toe of his boot. “Get up. You’re wasting daylight.”

“Daylight.” His hand was hovering over his face and he kicked him a little harder.

“Yes. Daylight. Move or stay here, but I’m leaving.” Instead of following his directions, Jaskier swallowed a few times, blinking hard and staring at his palm in between. “Jaskier.” Growling, grabbing the collar of his chemise and slinging him to his feet himself, confused when his arms shot out for balance and he nearly fell. “What are you--are you drunk?” No. He’d smell it. But it was all becoming a little too clear and Geralt didn’t want to be the one to say it aloud.

“No.” A weak exhale, a disbelieving laugh. “I’m. I’m blind.”

Blind.

The curse.

“Are you sure?” Geralt was a hair's breadth away from his face, examining his eyes, blank and vacant and staring off into the distance despite their proximity. There was nothing wrong that he could tell. Still the same cornflower blue he was so familiar with.

“I think I’d know.” He scoffed.

“Then we’d better get moving.” Geralt couldn’t help it, the thread of anger twisting around his words just happened. All Jaskier seemed to do was slow him down and get in the way. “Find a way to break this thing.” It took the bard three times longer to pack his belongings and Geralt became more impatient every time he dropped something or stubbed his toe or lost his balance. He knew it wasn’t fair. But this was all the bard’s fault in the first place and he’d have to deal with the consequences.

Jaskier played his lute even more and was even slower, not yet sure on his feet without the advantage of sight. Geralt saw that he kept his ear canted towards Roach’s hooves crunching on the stones, using her as a guide and he wondered if maybe Jaskier should be riding her instead. The music he was picking out on his strings was simpler and felt more like practice than anything new and he realized that he was comforting himself with easy exercises and wondered how long he’d insist on doing it.

All day, it turned out, and Geralt was just about on his last nerve, turning his irritability into action by setting up camp and batting Jaskier out of his way, finally just sitting him in the dirt. He stoked up the fire, tossed down Jaskier’s bedroll and stalked off to find dinner and clear his head before he started yelling.

When he returned with a brace of rabbits, Jaskier was gone and Geralt swallowed down the spike of panic in his throat, dropping his catch and looking for signs of a struggle and instead finding odd marks that looked like Jaskier had crawled across the ground. And he found him, cowering amid Roach’s legs, a dangerous spot for probably anyone else, but she was as calm as ever, letting him stroke the length of her forelimb. There were drying tear tracks on his face.

“G’Geralt?” His voice was small and wavering, barely above his shaking breath.

“Who else would it be?”

“I didn’t know where you’d gone.” He didn’t leave the horse. “I, I called out. But. And then. There’s a lot of noises in the woods at night.” This laugh was self deprecating, as though he knew how ridiculous he was being, like a child hiding from shadows.

But his whole world was in shadow.

“You’ve camped before. It’s foolish to be afraid.”

“Y’yeah. Of course it is.” He extricated himself from his position beneath Roach, petting her neck, and Geralt let it be. “Thank you for your protection, good lady.” She lipped the collar of his doublet and he rested his cheek on her velvet nose for just a moment before stumbling back to his bedroll.

“Here.” Jaskier looked confused. “The rabbit. Dinner?”

“Oh, uh.” He reached out, drawing his hand quickly back when he burned the tips of his fingers and slipping them into his mouth for a second. “Ha, it’s hot.” Geralt yanked his wrist and pressed the stick he’d roasted the meat on against his palm and watched Jaskier’s fingers wrap around it reflexively.

“Just eat. We’ll figure this out tomorrow.”

They didn’t. Not the next day, nor the day after that, but Jaskier was trying to adjust more and more each day despite how he seemed to be withdrawing. It was easy to forget he was blind and Geralt was easily frustrated by his sense of direction, or rather the awful lack of it. More than once, he’d misjudged the path and toppled into the bushes. Twice, Geralt had come back from a hunt to find him trapped in the corner of their rented room. He’d gotten turned around and hadn’t been able to figure out how he was boxed in by the bed, the small table, a chair. Jaskier laughed it off.

He’d been upset each time.

At the market the next day, Geralt told him off handedly that he was heading to the blacksmith, and to catch up when he was ready, because usually he wanted to dither about at the stalls looking at some trinket or another. When he’d finally realized, tapping his foot and waiting for a blind man who didn’t know his way around this village to somehow find him, he followed his scent, laced with terror, to an alley where he’d pressed himself up tight to the wall, protecting his back. They didn’t speak, Geralt just grabbed his wrist and dragged him back to the room. Told him to stay there if he couldn’t figure out how to find his way around.

The hurt on his face cut like a blade.

“Get down and stay down.” Geralt shoved Jaskier’s face into the dirt, both of them narrowly avoiding decapitation when the beast attacked out of nowhere. Caught flat footed, Geralt found himself pinned to the ground, struggling under the weight of it and hooking his thumbs in the corners of its maw to keep the teeth from closing around his head. Fetid breath came closer and closer and he thought for a moment this might be it when the resounding crack of a tree limb colliding with the side of its skull stunned it enough for Geralt to kick it off him. He used the momentum to roll and draw his steel sword, cutting off its head with a wet and sickening squelch.

“Geralt?” Jaskier, covered in black ichor and mud, stood swaying in the road, clinging to a length of splintered wood, blind eyes wide with shock. And then, panting with horror, Jaskier fainted dead away.

He’d lost him again.

“Fuck.” Geralt didn’t know where or how long ago and began retracing his steps, scenting the air and picking up the faintest traces of the oils he’d used last night in the bath. It was tainted by the smell of fear, acrid and sharp, and he ran.

Saw Jaskier pinned up against a wall by a larger man than he, a broad, ugly hand clasped over his mouth and a knee between his thighs. He was struggling to breathe, high pitched whimpering slipped from behind his attacker’s palm and he grabbed a fistful of hair to slam the back of Jaskier’s head into the wall behind him.

The brute didn’t notice the knife slipped between his ribs until it was too late. He’d die in this place and Geralt wasn’t going to lose any sleep over it.

“Who--” He sobbed, choked. “Geralt?” Tears cascaded down his cheeks, slipped off his chin.

“Who was that?” Why couldn’t he be kind to Jaskier when he needed it most? Why did he let his own fear of the situation manifest as blame?

“He’d. Solicited me in the tavern and I told him no.” He shuddered. “I thought he might be following but.” He swallowed with a wet click. “You were walking so fast, I lost the sound of your steps.” Drawing a sharp intake of breath he swept a hand through his tousled hair, trying to calm himself down. Geralt could hear his heartbeat hammering madly away behind his breastbone.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jaskier flinched at his volume, hugging himself around his middle and casting his face to the ground, and if Geralt was a stronger man he would tell his bard that this was not his fault. That he was scared of what he almost let happen.

“I. You were angry.”

“What?” With the heel of his hand, Jaskier scrubbed at his face. His bruised face, the imprints from where he was held darkening around his mouth and neck.

“You said I needed to figure this out and. I.” Had been snatched off the street by a predator and very nearly badly hurt. “I forgot my dagger back at the inn.” He took a deep breath, and then another. “I’m sorry, that was. That was stupid.”

“Hm.” It wasn’t. He should have been safe with Geralt in broad daylight. This time he took his hand, laced their fingers together and squeezed. “Let’s go.”

Exhausted from his earlier panic, Jaskier could barely stand when they reached the room, and Geralt helped him the last few steps to the bed, divesting him of doublet and chemise to expose even more bruising. He should have killed the guy slower. Much slower.

“Sorry. I’m sorry you have to do this.” Barely above a whisper. “I shouldn’t have. This curse.”

“Hush.” Geralt wrung out a cloth in the wash basin, touched it to his face and caught him when he jerked away in fear and surprise. “It’s alright. Just me. I’m going to get you cleaned up, Jaskier.”

“You don’t have to do that.” Muttering, he reached for the flannel.

“I know. Just. Relax, alright?” He swept it up his arm, lingered at the space between his neck and shoulder. “I’ve got you. I’m. Going to do better, Jaskier.”

“What do you mean?” This time, he allowed the touch and Geralt dabbed at a cut on his lip before rinsing and wringing again.

“You’ll ride Roach. In towns, I won’t let you out of my sight.” Jaskier was relaxing, blinking sleepily.

“You can’t babysit me all the time, Geralt.” Though he detected the hope that he wouldn’t have to keep doing this alone beneath his voice.

“No. But I can take care of you until we find a way to break this. Like I should have been doing from the start.” Jaskier’s head was nodding as he fought to stay awake. “We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

Geralt let Jaskier sleep in. The man was dead to the world, bruises stark on his pale skin, and no doubt exhausted from the day before and trying to manage as a newly blind being basically traveling alone. They had to get moving. Maybe Yennefer would understand how to break this curse or at least point them in a direction. But they had to find her first.

“Jaskier.” There was no response, not even a twitch, and Geralt spoke his name louder, and louder still before shaking him awake and dodging his flying fist. “Jaskier!” Nothing but panic in his face and Geralt was tired of seeing that there. He settled his hands over his shoulders, cupped his neck on either side. “Jaskier, what is it? A bad dream?” That wasn’t uncommon after an experience like he’d had.

“Geralt?” His breathing picked up, tears lined his dark lashes. “I.” The witcher snapped his fingers on either side of his head and watched his stricken face stay the same. “Geralt?” This time he drew Jaskier into an embrace, hugging him tightly and allowing him to do the same.

Because he couldn’t hear.

[bemusedandconfused-blog]

Claire watches Asian dramas: Esports/Video Games Edition

As I’ve mentioned before in my post about spooky rom-dramadies, I tend to enjoy shows better if there’s a larger plot and higher stakes at play than just the relationship stuff, whether romantic or otherwise. Here are three dramas set in the world of video games and pro-Esports that I’ve enjoyed!

King’s Avatar (2019)  全职高手

This was my first esports-themed drama, and I really, really liked it. The drama was a great mix of sports tropes and video game culture, and all the characters, including Yang Yang’s character, the “Battle God” Ye Xiu, experience growth over the course of the show. I’m thinking about rewatching it, or catching the anime version (released in 2017).

Pros:

The pacing of the show is really pretty good. Action kicks off right away, and there are nice ebbs and flows throughout.

The side characters are a lot of fun. I love the rag-tag team that pulls together, and you can tell that all the competing teams were well developed in the source material (novels), and each have their own individual personalities. 

Great depictions of female professional esports gamers. 

No awkward shoehorned in romantic storylines! 

Cons:

A couple random telenovela plot twists that come out of nowhere. 

Predictable sports-film cliches are unavoidable to a certain extent. 

If you’re not into actually seeing the video game fights and animated sequences, you may get annoyed. I really liked those scenes, though!

Love O2O (2016)  微微一笑很倾城

This Chinese series again starring the almost-too-handsome Yang Yang is a great show for someone who wants to experience the growth of a cute, lovey-dovey romance with relatively little interpersonal drama or roadbumps on the way to Happily Ever After. 

Pros:

Overall plot setup - they main couple meets in a video game, and they are both top players. The male lead runs his own software development company with his buddies (they are seniors graduating college), and must make his game a success in the competitive business world.

Secondary characters: I like that both the female and male lead each have their own friends and relationships outside each other. 

Best side couple in a Chinese drama yet: Hao Mai and KO (in the novels apparently these guys are most definitely a gay couple. In the show, due to Chinese censors, this is not explicitly stated but very strongly suggested. They are too damn cute!)

I like that the main lead female could stand up for herself in gamer society.

Yang Yang is very pretty.

Cons:

The female lead is portrayed very woodenly. There are some super awkward one-sided kissing scenes that are quite cringe-worthy.

The last episode is mostly just ewwww because the male lead is portrayed as super controlling and I really did not like it.

The male lead is adored by all the main characters and it gets kind of annoying toward the end. He also lacks interesting character traits besides “being good at everything and being really handsome”. 

Secondary female lead and her romance storyline was awkward. That cat was NOT okay (in one scene it’s panting), and it distracted me as a viewer. I had concerns for how animals were cared for on-set.

The show could have been improved if it felt like the male lead had to struggle a little bit to achieve his goals. Mostly it just felt like if he put in the work, inevitably he would be successful. I would have liked to see a little more character growth and self-reflection from him. (Experience real setbacks, learn from them, have moments of doubt, overcome them, that kind of thing). 

Go Go Squid (2019)  亲爱的，热爱的

The show I just finished this afternoon is my second favorite after The King’s Avatar. Set in the world of professional CTF (”Capture the Flag”) cybersecurity gaming, it finds a nice balance between the romance  and the esports storylines. The main leads have great chemistry, and the secondary characters are very cute too. I would highly recommend this one. 

Pros:

Characters have emotional depth, and get to grow and change over the course of the show. 

I like the depiction of the female lead, and how even audience expectations are subverted. 

A nice balance of how both male and female leads are shown to be brilliant and popular in their own ways.

I love how paternal the male lead is towards his team of kids. <3 

I like the portrayal of the parents a lot, for both leads. 

The pets are adorable and friendly, and seem very happy and healthy on screen!

The ending is super adorbs. Sugary sweet fluff to rot your teeth. 

Some really catchy songs are part of the OST for the series. Worth looking up on their own!

Cons:

The last few episodes were very male-lead centric, and I would’ve liked to see a bit of the reaction of Little Squid’s followers. 

The stuff with Team Solo in the early episodes throws off the pacing a little (slows things down in awkward places). But its not bad, and is important to the overall story. And that kitten is ADORABLE. 

There’s a 10 year age gap between the lead couple, and while it’s part of the plotline and addressed very directly, if that’s not your jam, here’s your FYI. 

CTF is not nearly as exciting to watch as “Glory” (in King’s Avatar, basically a fictional World of Warcraft-style game), so the competition scenes are pretty brief and hard to film in a way that the viewer can get excited about. 

[amwritingmeta]

Hello. I don't know if you already made something about it but I wanted to know what is your opinion on Cas/Chuck relation. We saw a lot about Cas loosing his faith in Chuck for a long time now but very little on Chuck's part. I feel like I'm missing something, some sort of closure. Am I the only one?

Hello, my dearling!

I have talked about Cas’ relationship with Chuck, but I do believe it was ages ago, and well before we got Chuck as the Big Bad, so let’s revisit! *fun!!*

The thing about this is that I feel there’s a pattern with them that has everything to do with the “disposable” line fed to Cas in S11. For Cas to believe himself disposable, he can’t have his father figure acknowledge him, which is why they didn’t exchange a word (and barely a glance) once the end of S11 rolled around. 

Add to that the fact that Cas, by S11, had already been so far removed from Heaven and had gotten so much closer to his own humanity and we see how there’s even more reason for why there wouldn’t be a scene between them. We got Lucifer confronting Chuck instead, and I would say there were a lot of Cas’ frustrations with his father baked into Lucifer’s.

Headcanon would be that Cas also had his eyes fully opened to the darker sides of his father’s nature via Luci’s knowledge of Chuck’s motivations: to be worshipped. 

Cas didn’t entirely embrace this knowledge, didn’t entirely believe it, not even when AU!Michael brought the darker sides into the light, underlining their creator’s nonchalance and casual cruelty. It wasn’t until Chuck’s sadistic side finally and truly revealed itself that Cas saw God for what he truly is, and by then Cas had already confronted and beaten back his own Shadow figure enough for him to have no need to personally confront this one.

Chuck killed Jack, but Cas has no drive - not like Dean does - to see Chuck dead over it. Cas holds no vendetta, and he’s clear-eyed enough to see the journey he’s undertaken as the root of his personal growth, not merely an expression of Chuck’s manipulations, providing a beautiful and necessary contrast to how Dean is entertaining an opposite view in that he feels as though all his choices have been pointless and all the pain and suffering has been pushed on him for nothing, and he can’t reconcile himself with the idea that this is only a half-truth, and one that he’s actively choosing to believe in. *gah dean gah!* *because the POV you need to reach through your inner work is the POV that Cas has held ever since Chuck’s true nature was revealed!!* *gah!!*

Now, the transition of Dean as Cas’ marker for humanity, to Cas becoming the marker for humanity for Jack has happened gradually, ever since the beginning of S13, but I do believe the transition is complete. After Cas’ speech in 15x15 it’s hard to think otherwise.

Cas knows who he is, where he belongs, and what he must do: find another way. So that he can save Jack. 

Cas is stepping into his core trait of acting the shield, rather than playing the role of weapon, showing internal balance and a connection to his own priorities that is utterly thrilling! 

Sure, it more or less tells us that there’s no narrative need for human!Cas and, hey, as much as I’ve always wished for that to be what the narrative has been driving him towards, he’s still more human now than he ever was. So he’ll live forever and watch Dean and Sam die and have to go chill with them in their Heavens, so what? That’s fiiiiiiine. 

No, really, as long as they end up not dead, it’s fine.

And I get the strong sense they might not. End up dead. *yay!* I mean, it’s perfectly clear that Dean and Sam will live to fight another day, what with Jensen mentioning the possible probability of bringing the boys back for a six episode smashravaganza in five years or so. But what I mean is: they may not all of them end up dead. Even Jack might live! *happy days!* They might also not all end up together but that’s for other meta to speculate on! I’m more hopeful than ever that we’ll get a balanced ending, though. *g a h*

Anyway: Chuck.

I understand where you’re coming from 100%, but personally I don’t feel the need for there to be an exchange to cap off Cas’ relationship with Chuck, because of all the above mentioned reasons. Make sense? 

Chuck isn’t really figuring that hard in Cas’ progression right now, apart from how he’s affecting Jack. 

Cas has already let go of his earlier need for his father figure to act as a role model. “Because God commanded it” is a long, long time ago. “Give me a sign” is as well. Cas is well beyond these stages of internal confusion. And Chuck the Big Bad, as said, holds no real sway over Cas’ choices anymore. Chuck’s words and deeds no longer serve to inform anything that Cas does, apart from acting as a spur for action, for thinking outside of the box, for tapping into his protectiveness and healthy father figure traits in order to act as a guide to his own son.

In Dean’s progression, however, Chuck is now the ultimate Shadow figure, embodying the final last push for Dean to truly confront himself, look himself in the eye, and let go of the self-hatred, fear and faithlessness. Let go of his need for control and start trusting. Trusting that, in spite of everything, good things do happen and good things can last. If you let yourself feel how much you want them. If you go for it without holding yourself back.

Come on, Dean!!

And this is my reading of this narrative so pinches of salt, but with Jack as representative of Dean’s inner child, it feels pretty bleak if he were to die. And though I can take the Shadow (Chuck) needing to be symbolically eradicated, I remain skeptical, because destruction is not integration... Anyway, more on this in upcoming metas!

I’ll leave you with this: I’m intrigued by how the narrative - which technically means Chuck - has always treated Cas as a secondary character, even though it’s perfectly clear that he’s integral to the growth of Dean, and by proximity Sam as well. Cas now stepping in to find this other way makes sense to me, because I do believe if an unforeseen blow is to be dealt to Chuck, it should come from Cas, whom he’s always sort of overlooked. Even when sitting down to write his ending at Becky’s desk, there’s the Sam and Dean Poppies, yeah? As are two feathers. Sam and Dean presides, as ever, at the forefront, but those feathers, for those of us who love them, are hard to miss.

I hope that answers your question! Bit of spec in there too, but I’m in a speculative mood as I finally watched 15x15 and 15x16 back-to-back last night and oh boy the old cogs are a-turning. :)

Hope you’re well, lovely!

xx

[heavensdog]

Plotting Monsters of the Week?

This is a crunch post that should have minimal spoilers! As I’ve been working on Heaven’s Dog (as well as some previous, unfinished projects like a mahou shoujo ttrpg lol), one of the things that comes up a lot for me is how to handle Monsters of the Week when I want to keep the plot tight. They always seem to be so much filler, right? Derived from a studio’s desire to milk the basic premise of the show without changing the status quo too much?

Well, that’s never exactly how it’s felt for me, but for a while I was forced to wonder if that’s what they were for . . . maybe you who are reading this already know what purpose monsters of the week serve and I’m just slow on the uptake, but for those of you who don’t, I wanted to talk a bit about my process when it comes to Monsters of the Week~!

(Cut for length! There may be some book one spoilers as well though! Nothing as major as the last one, lol)

So, the monster of the week format in magical girl stories provides two crucial benefits to the story, regarding pacing and character development.

First of all, the Monster of the Week format allows you to slow the pace down and keep the audience from being too overwhelmed by the sheer amount of drama there is in a good magical girl story (since magical girl stories are traditionally shoujo, there’s a lot of emotional back and forth, and this tends to stick even when the genre receives a demographic shift); it gives you time to appreciate the “before” and “after” beats of the protagonists’s development by letting you really become familiar with who they are before they do all their character growth, and before things like betrayals and deaths come into play too much, it lets you appreciate the role side characters and mascots and everyone have to play.

The Monster of the Week format is not necessary (works by Arina Tanemura almost never use them, for example, and she’s one of my pacing idols while still delivering some pretty heartwrenching emotional turmoil), but it can be really nice to get that nostalgic, summer’s-just-around-the-corner feeling of growing up that is so endearing about the genre. Sailor Moon would not hit nearly as powerfully with Usagi’s development if we didn’t have time to sit with her while her special attack was literally ultrasonic crying.

However, despite all it’s good sides, it can be really hard to work in, because it does dramatically change the pacing, and what exactly are you supposed to put in there while you have all this delicious plot later? It requires you to be good at your more dramatic fantasy plotting as well as slice of life plotting, and then you have to mix them together, and if you do it badly it can just feel like a pacing nightmare . . . but the key is in your protagonists character arc!

So for example, the Agent of Heaven’s character arc in book one is “realizing they can’t go on living the way they have been”; they’ve been stuck since they were a kid, trying to play the hero of what is starting to feel like a losing battle.

So first of all, we need to establish the starting position of the Agent of Heaven -- what is the thing that keeps them pinned in place? What is the core belief that keeps them fighting?

That answer is where the battle in the prologue comes into play -- the Agent of Heaven is fundamentally an outsider who yearns to connect with other people. This is why you get a selection for why they feel disconnected from their family, as well as who they want to connect with the most -- and why the victim of Lapis’s first attack is someone on the fringes of their friend group who yearns to connect to the others.

The victory over the monster of the week then shapes the protagonist’s development -- if the monster of the week is a question posed to the protagonist, then the victory is the answer the protagonist finds to it, and the solution to their emotional dilemma. In the Agent of Heaven’s case, they resolve this conflict by transforming, allowing them to bond with Iriel, and shaping the core belief that if they can help people, they can be deserving to bond with them.

(Obviously, there then need to be choices available so that you can color and shape this belief to what resonates with you, the reader, but that core belief is still at the heart of the Agent of Heaven ahahahah. . . |||orz balancing a strong narrative with reader customization can be a little difficult, but it’s worth it to see what people come up with too . . . . )

However, in the Agent of Heaven’s case, this is the wrong solution, so then the next Monster of the Week battles are designed to challenge that answer: by reminding the Agent of Heaven that they need to rely on other people, that they can’t save everyone, that sometimes they can cause damage too, and that even when you connect to people, relationships take time to develop and you won’t immediately be able to know everything about them.

So these points form the basis of Book One, which is the Monster of the Week book lol:

The first encounter with Flint represents the counter argument “You can’t save everyone”; Rosewood oneshots Flint without the Agent of Heaven being able to do anything to stop it, and then proceeds to try to befriend the Agent of Heaven. This simultaneously takes away someone from the Agent of Heaven and provides the Agent of Heaven with someone new to connect with, despite the Agent’s internal databanks saying “if you can’t save people, you don’t deserve people”; saving people does not change how lonely the Agent is or isn’t, or how much people want to be around them.

The second argument is then that they need to rely on other people, which is a two part argument, I think -- one, being able to rely on other people to watch your back, and two, being able to rely on other people to notice when something is wrong. These involve the Agent of Heaven being threatened by an external and internal source, and Rosewood coming to the rescue even though Rosewood is New To The Picture, for no other reason than Rosewood notices and cares enough to do something about it; this is also the big moment where the Agent learns to rely on Rosewood, to whatever extent, which feeds into how Rosewood’s later actions affect the Agent.

So in this case, we need an external threat that involves the Agent not being able to look after themselves -- so I’ve translated this into a situation where Rosewood drags them out to socialize, and they end up either drunk when Lapis attacks, or else they end up switching drinks with someone who was getting targeted by a sexual predator of some sort and end up roofied; Rosewood is able to protect them long enough for them to transform and they are able to defeat the monster Lapis created without anyone getting hurt because of Rosewood’s help~

Then for the internal threat, the Agent ends up staying home while Iriel, Rosewood and Abaddon go out for something, and Rosewood comes back to find the Agent behaving in a self destructive manner; as they’re helping the Agent calm down and detangle their thoughts, Lapis drops by to visit and things between them and Rosewood escalate, causing a monster to be summoned, and the Agent of Heaven is once again able to rely on Rosewood to defeat it cleanly without doing any damage.

The third argument, “sometimes you are going to hurt people” is then able to become something affirming, allowing the Agent of Heaven to begin learning that they can forgive themselves for doing things that hurt other’s and trying to do better next time, rather than living in a cycle of lashing out and having to deny it in order to protect themselves; when it’s built on the idea that they can connect with people and need to connect with people even if they can’t save everyone, then they can also begin to question the necessity of saving everyone from themselves, and start focusing on the future of what kind of person they want to be.

In this scenario, Rosewood probably gets sick, and Iriel suggests that the Agent of Heaven stay out of trouble until Rosewood is better, since Rosewood is able to keep things so organized, but the Agent ends up seeking out a fight anyway and because Rosewood isn’t there to contain their wrath, they end up causing a lot of damage. Iriel still forgives them, and Rosewood is impressed by how powerful the Agent is, and the Agent is able to consider what they want to do with that power.

And then the final point, when Rosewood betrays the Agent of Heaven, comes with the question of “how can you trust people when it takes time to know their true intentions”, but I’ve talked about that a bit.

Anyway, this turned out a little rambly, but that’s that!

[christoefur-uncaged]

Adventure as a Value

Adventure as a value

Our lives are shaped by our values, whether we know what they are or not. We may not know at all what a value is in the first place, which was the position I was in until recently. But every decision we make, logically or following your gut, is made while drawing on our values and so, next to your physical body and all its functions, they are probably the most important parts of you that create your life and all its elements. At 27 years old, I am now finally aware fully of what value means, and am becoming aware of what ones I hold.

Luckily, we actively choose our values, but many of them we choose accidently as kids when we were under control of parents, family members, friends, teachers, and TV. We weren’t taught what a value is, let alone that we may choose them for ourselves. So, they just develop with little awareness on our ends, and because we are young and impressionable, the values we form are not always helpful and are poorly put together.

One of my strong core values is to adventure and has been developed and lodged in my blueprints before I had any knowledge or any say in the matter. This means I developed this value to adventure as I binge watched Steve Irwin wrestling crocodiles, the Krat brothers swimming with Sea lions and sharks, while Miss Frizzel and the gang were getting baked into a pie. Needless to say, my idea of what an adventure was may have been a little dramatic and while I have of course matured in thought processes, the importance of the adventure to me has not subsided.

Because this value remains so strong in me, when I am “adventuring” I am enthusiastic and my natural state throughout the adventure is excited and accepting with little expectation because I am feeling balanced. Unfortunately, “real life” doesn’t allow for my dramatic definition of an adventure every day and so each day I don’t head out to swim with marine life, I am neglecting this value and neglecting one of these, is a great way to become depressed. I have basically set myself up to fail to fulfill this value and so it’s power to boost me up cannot be harnessed and it’s use as a shield against the sharp edges of negative thoughts is diminished.

When you set these standards, and don’t quite meet them, you become less capable of dealing with unexpected events that may fall into your lap on some dull Tuesday afternoon. As each day passes you become more and more unbalanced due to lack of fulfillment. With no end in sight to the monotony, you become unmotivated. This lack of motivation leaves you nearly incapable of making any future plans and so the vicious cycle continues as you become so unbalanced you slip and fall, defenceless into a dark pit full of sharp negative thoughts and emotions.

A full gown adult now, with new knowledge of values, I am actively pursuing change. As a naïve youth, I set myself up for degradation, but my internal lust for new self-growth as an adult has allowed me to evolve.  My value that was once “to be adventuring” I choose now to be “to adventure at every opportunity that arises”. The idea that I need to be always adventuring has let me feel like a failure for far too long and since the rule is that we may choose our values, I choose to alter this one. Adventuring will always be important to my spirit, but I know now how to better harness the power of my own values.

As I go about my most average days, not adventuring, I may wish to be out travelling the world but instead of resenting every day that I am not, I will be looking forward to future opportunities where I can. This is not going to be easy of course, but when all else fails I will remember that I have freedom of choice.

I choose to feel free from the burden of my own high standards.

Each day as an adventure

So now I have established in my life that adventuring is absolutely necessary for me to feel balanced. As I have been putting some thought into adventure and what exactly the word means to me or what it can possibly mean, I have come to some realizations.  

When someone says “I’m going on an adventure!” with a gleam in their eyes and an optimistic look on their face, they are using this word to describe an action, they are about to take which may or may not have a step by step plan but they do have a purpose. That purpose is to simply head in the direction of what they want with their expectations set low. The only expectation they have in mind is that many unexpected things may occur along the way.

A person may set out to canoe down an unnamed river, or hitchhike across the country, or one may even decide that their new plan to end an addiction may too be labelled an adventure. What is for sure, is that the events that may take place between their start point and their finish point are unknown and that’s the way we humans like our adventures. It is not however, how we like our daily lives.

On a regular day, perhaps at our regular jobs and usual daily activities, an unexpected event that alters our expectations for the day, may absolutely send us off the deep end. It may be something as simple as our normal commute route being disrupted by construction and we must follow a detour. We get to work a little late, our boss frowns, then suddenly the world owes us everything and everybody must feel our wrath all day.

On an adventure, a simple detour will not phase us, but rather it may be exactly what we wanted, an unexpected change in our bare bones plan. We head down the detour excited like a kid on Christmas because it’s what you do on an adventure even if your headed straight for a flat tire, a rainstorm or a sinkhole that swallows you whole. It may take an extra 2 days to get to our location, miss our flight 2 days in a row, run out of food and water, wear through our only pair of shoes, get blisters the size of light bulbs break our tibia and still manage to shove our fulfilment in all our friends faces when we finally get home, claiming how amazing our adventure was. How?

As far as I can see, the only difference in these unfortunate events is that some happen when expectations are low, and others are happening on regular days when expectations are not exactly high but precise and calculated.

Many yoga teachers will say at the beginning of their practice, “go ahead, set an intention for your practice”. We do this every day and in our normal routines our intention is to stay very normal. Our intention is to follow our step by step plan from your morning alarm to bedtime. It may be first to get ourselves to work on time, then to have a stable but productive day of work so that we may deserve the bottle of wine we’re going to consume when we finally get home. The problem with these intentions is that they are so vulnerable to change by outside forces. If your first intention is to get to work on time and your late because of construction, you have already failed your intentions once and it is barely breakfast time. How many more times will you let yourself down by lunch break?

Enlightened people always tell us to live in the moment, but this is not a good enough direction by itself. It’s not like we can just hit a switch and change our setting to “in the moment”. We just aren’t wired that way, no matter how many videos you watch barking at you insisting you live in the moment, you cannot simply switch the way your brain has been thinking your whole life. We are however, capable of rolling with the punches, we must employ the same mindset we take when heading out on an adventure. Each day must to be an adventure.

We may need some practice of course and it will not just come easily. Your first day attempting to live an adventure you may wake up in the morning, decide to slurp down some licorice for breakfast and run barefoot to your workplace wearing soccer cleats and a belly top. This is overkill, and yes that sounds adventurous but that’s not what we require and your boss is going to suggest you carry on straight to the hospital to be checked out.

It will be hard at first, but to slowly train ourselves to approach each day with less expectations will be so much easier than trying to force yourself to “live in the moment” while our foreheads wrinkle deeper as they day progresses and our ability to maintain gentle conversation with others dies.

My adventurous spirit longs to climb mountains, find the headwaters of rivers, camp under big spruce trees, experience other cultures, and experience the world. It is a value of mine, be that a newly constructed one, to go on these types of adventures when I have the time or to set aside time to allow them. I understand the value now more deeply after some examination of my behaviour and a deeper look inside to what makes me tick, but why stop there? I choose to live my “every day’s” as adventures, start my mornings with an intention to approach the day openly with little to no expectations so I may be accepting of unexpected events that will occur. If I choose to feel and live each day like it was an adventure imagine then what it may feel like to climb one of those mountains, or camp under a tree when real adventure time comes.

Remember, things take practice, and not every day is going to feel like an adventure, some days are still going to suck, but if we set our intentions and put our hearts behind it, maybe our new predictable will be the unpredictable. Our new routine will be to accept changes, take things as they come, learn from them, and be living in the moment without even trying.

I choose adventure.

[thaumaturgesaint]

pick a card: what does august hold?

This pick-a-card reading reveals what August holds for you, what lessons you are learning or will need to learn, and what you should be doing in order to fully understand and make the best of these lessons. Close your eyes, take four deep breaths, and let your intuition guide you to one of the four piles. Once you’ve made your choice, continue reading to see what messages the cards have for you!

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Group One: Rose Quartz. Receive with Love and Appreciation, Enclosure, The Moon, Death, Nine of Swords reversed, Knight of Cups. Your number is 34.

August will bring a sense of release, and an end to your pain, your fear, your doubts, your worries. There has been a heavy weight on your shoulders for some time now, keeping you from seeing and realizing what your life offers you, what the Universe has been offering to you, how much beauty and goodness surrounds you.

You’ve been doubting yourself, your abilities, your gifts, and the goodness in your life. You’ve been looking towards the end, wondering when these things will be taken away from you, when they will stop being here for you to partake in and enjoy. You may think you’re being practical; that by acknowledging the impermanence, you’re readying yourself for the inevitable ending. But really you’re wasting the time you do have, the goodness you’ve been given, the abilities inherent within you.

Yes, things must come to an end eventually. But rather than waiting for this end, you should be enjoying what time you do have. You should be enjoying what you’ve been given, being thankful for all your answered wishes. Looking to the future not with dread, waiting for an ending, but with excitement, preparing for a new beginning.

Look around you. Clear your mind for just a minute of all the doubts and worries. Look with open eyes, a clear mind, an open heart. Acknowledge and appreciate the beauty your life holds. The beauty you hold inherently within yourself. Look at al the good things you’ve been able to witness, to receive, to hold, to keep. Cultivate gratitude and consistent acknowledgement of the goodness in your life and in yourself. Appreciate all that you’re given. Stop taking things for granted, stop rushing towards the end, sit in stillness, in the present moment, with gratitude.

Remember that no matter how lost you feel, no matter how dark it may seem, you are always being guided by your truest self as well as your guides, the divine, the Universe. Let go of your fear and cultivate trust; know that you are not lost, you are not alone, you are where you’re meant to be in this moment. The lessons you’re learning are not always pleasant, but they are teaching you something. Open yourself to this knowledge, learn the lesson you’re being given, and move forward with the weightless knowledge that you are protected and guided, always.

Group Two: Yellow Brucite. Be Authentic to who You Are, The Great Everything, The Sun reversed, Queen of Cups reversed, Queen of Staffs (Wands), The Hierophant. Your number is 54.

August will bring a sense of growth, maturity, responsibility, and ending of old cycles. Gone is the boundless energy, the leap without looking mentality, the wonder and awe at what is to come, replaced by a sense of knowledge, of lessons learned, of growing up and moving forward. You are stepping into your own this month, determining just what you want your future to look like, figuring out exactly what it holds for you.

You have a tight reign on your reactions, your emotions, and your communication. You are very much in control of yourself, to the point where you’re right at the edge of restricting. Find balance between self-control and self-expression, don’t stifle one in order to encourage the other. You don’t need to hold yourself back in order to move forward in the world. You don’t need to cut off your emotions in order to be and appear mature. You don’t need to make yourself unhappy in order to find success.

In fact if you want to cultivate success in your life you will need to find happiness in fulfillment in your work. Pouring all your energy into something that gets you ahead in life but drains you of all energy, vitality, happiness, and excitement, simply isn’t worth it. You will not find applause or even a congratulations by pushing yourself further than you can handle. You will not find achievement by doing what you think you have to in order to be successful. You will find the recognition you crave by finding the work that envigorates you, that excites you, that fills you with passion and motivation.

Don’t follow the path laid out for you by someone else. Don’t be so afraid to disappoint other people that you end up disappointed with your own life, your decisions, your career, your life path. Don’t let anyone— including yourself— hold you back or box you in. Recognize that you are limitless. That you have limitless opportunities and choices to pick from. You don’t have to, and you are being encouraged not to settle for the first thing that offers success and recognition to you. Take your time, feel things out, do what is fulfilling to you.

Connect with your emotions, your desires, with the dreams you feel are impossible to achieve. Recognize that they’re not, that the only thing holding you back from achieving them is the limitations you place on yourself, and allow others to place on you. When you imagine your ideal, perfect future, what are you doing? What are you putting your energy into? What career do you have, what kind of lifestyle do you lead, what brings you a sense of fulfillment? Realize that these things aren’t limited to your imagination. Create your own reality. Create your own success. Find what fulfills you and chase it, claim it, make it yours. Let it fill your mind, your senses, your actions, your life.

Be authentic, express yourself. Focus on developing and expanding your connection with yourself. Learn about yourself, find every unexplored nook and cranny of your psyche and delve into it. If you don’t know who you are, what you want, who you want to be, now is the time to figure it out. Don’t rush, don’t go in with any expectations. Open yourself to all outcomes, open yourself to the possibility of being surprised by what you find within yourself. Open yourself to the possibility of being completely different than you, or those around you, thought you would be. You are your own person. Find that person within yourself!

You are being encouraged to reach out and develop an open and honest connection with the Universe. Explore yourself, your soul, your purpose. And while you do so, open yourself to the whispers you hear, to the connections you feel, to the inklings of knowledge that nudge at you. Don’t write anything off, don’t give in to the temptation to say you’re making this up. Dig into what you want to brush off. Figure out where it comes from, what it means. The Universe is guiding you to somewhere new, within yourself and within your life. Don’t be afraid to follow.

Group Three: Red Quartz. Climbing Mountains, Be Willing to Express Love, Ten of Staffs (Wands), King of Swords, King of Cups reversed, Page of Cups reversed. Your number is 2122.

August will bring a sense of challenges, growth, self-control, and mindful expression. There will be a lot of work for you to do before you’re able to reap the rewards you seek. You may feel very far off from your goals, your dreams, your needs, your desires. But in reality you’re very close to achieving them; there’s just a lot blocking your sight.

You will be called to let go of your need for control. You can’t control every situation, you can’t control any person outside of yourself, and you can very rarely completely control outcomes. You can shift situations, take meaningful action in order to get what you want, you can influence other people, and you can work towards specific outcomes. But you can’t control these things completely, and trying to do so will only waste your time.

Loosen your grip, allow your expectations to change as the situation changes. Be open to surprises, look at change not as an obstacle or setback, but as a new adventure. Develop curiosity towards your situation. Close your eyes and let your gut guide your hand. Realize that perfection doesn’t exist, not in people, not in things, not in events. Nothing will go exactly how you want it to, and that’s good. Things happen the way they’re meant to. Changes crop up in order to bring about better results.

The way you deal with these things will decide what the outcome will be. If you drag your feet, complaining that nothing goes your way, that you never get what you want, that you work so hard and get so little in return, those things will become true. You will be creating that as your reality, speaking your outcome into existence.

This isn’t to say you can never vent or complain, that you can’t be disappointed when things change, when they don’t go the way you wanted or expected. You’re allowed to express your feelings, you just need to do so in a healthy and constructive manner.

Instead of “Nothing goes my way” shift that to “The way I was headed was leading me away from what I wanted. This change in where I’m heading brings me closer to what I want.”

Instead of “I never get what I want” shift that to “What I want is not always the same as what I need. I need to be clear about what I need so that the Universe is easily able to bring it to me.”

Instead of “I work so hard and get so little in return” shift that to “I work hard and receive so many rewards for that work. I am grateful for all the Universe provides and gifts to me.”

Shift your focus, shift your mindset, shift your state of being and feeling. Develop excitement, develop curiosity, develop gratitude. Be thankful for what you have, and for all that is coming to you. Your needs and desires will be taken care of once you develop patience and follow through. Don’t let obstacles stop you in your tracks, figure out ways around them, and continue on towards your desired outcome.

Focus less on what you don’t have, and more on what you do. Express love, and gratitude for everything you’ve already received. Take all your determination and hard work, and put it into yourself. Starting a gratitude log, where you write 5 things every day that you’re thankful for, what you appreciate in your life, will do wonders for improving your mindset.

When you are faced with a challenge, look at how you react. Do you rush forward without thinking things through? Do you immediately give up and find something new to put your energy into? Or do you look at this challenge, and take your time figuring out how to deal with it? If you react one of the first two ways, become mindful of those reactions, and start shifting them towards patient continuation. You can’t lash out or give up every time things don’t go your way. Eventually you will need to learn endurance. Start the learning process now.

Group Four: Black Tourmaline. High Priestess reversed, Queen of Pentacles reversed, Ace of Swords, Wheel of Fortune, Forgiveness, Healing Gift. Your number is 4244.

August will bring a sense of grounding, a shift towards the physical, the external and away from the mental, the internal. August will bring you out of your head and into the world around you. If you’ve been focusing on yourself, on your inner world, your intuition, your spiritual connection, this is a sign that you’re doing good work, that you’re learning what you need to know, and that you need to balance this work as well.

Give your mind a break from the heavy lifting, give your physical body a workout, if you’ve been neglecting it. Take care of the real world connections and opportunities you have. Don’t focus entirely on what’s going on inside you, balance your focus with what’s happening around you as well.

The things you’re learning aren’t being presented to you just so that you can know them and do nothing with them. Your newfound knowledge has real world applications that you need to focus on developing and applying. Look at the world around you, not just your personal world, but at everything. What changes do you want to see? How can you go about bringing these changes?

This isn’t a sign to take the weight of the world onto your shoulders. You are not responsible for the massive changes necessary to create a better world. But you are capable of inspiring and creating change, in your everyday life, in the actions you take, in the words you speak and the people you choose to speak to.

You are being reminded to look forward, not backward. Be present in each moment, ground yourself in what’s happening now. You can’t change what came before, but you can change the way it affects you. Allow past hurts to inspire you to do better, to be better, to encourage others to be better as well. Let go of your attachment to the past, and move forward into the future you want to have. Realize that each decision you make now changes the shape of your future. Realize that you are the one creating your future for yourself. You are the one in control.

Work on not only letting go of the past, but healing from it. Holding onto what happened weighs you down, keeps you from moving freely, and keeps you in a state of grief and shame. You need to heal these things within yourself so that you can move forward with intention and purpose. Be kind and gentle with yourself, don’t punish yourself for what you’ve gone through, for the mistakes you made in the past, for the ways you were hurt and neglected. Heal yourself from these things, treat yourself with love and kindness, let yourself be free.

[lostinphases]

Tarot 101: The Story of the Major Arcana

If you’re new to tarot, you might not know that the twenty-two cards that make up the Major Arcana tell a story. Known often as “The Fool’s Journey”, this story shows the movement from each card starting with The Fool and ending with The World. This story is meant to be a metaphor for life and growth as a person. Knowing this story will help you better understand tarot and may also help you remember the purpose of each card in the Major Arcana. Here is that story (featuring some of the Major Arcana from the Linestrider Tarot by Siolo Thompson).

The Fool

The story opens with The Fool. This card represents naivety and the impulsivity that comes with inexperience. The Fool is an innocent and unaware of the hardships that may lay before them. 

The Fool is born.

The Magician

While The Fool becomes some of the cards that follow it, The Magician is one that appears as a secondary character in The Fool’s story. The Magician is a mysterious card. Connected with the conscious, he teaches The Fool how to impact the world. 

The Fool’s eyes are opened to magic.

The High Priestess

Around the same time The Fool meets The Magician, The High Priestess also comes into play. A mysterious individual connected to the unconscious, she is the mother of creative action. With her guidance, The Fool has agency to act on the world in a way unique to them as an individual.   

Together, The Magician and The High Priestess strike a balance -- on one hand potential and on the other creation.

The Fool’s creativity is sparked.

The Empress

Following his growth after meeting The Magician and The High Priestess, The Fool enters the care of the Empress and The Emperor. The Empress is a motherly card. Connected to nature, she provides The Fool with support. Even though they are more aware of themselves and their abilities, The Fool still has a long journey ahead.

The Fool is guided by their mother, nurtured to move toward whatever calls them.

The Emperor

The Emperor is the second half of this parental duo. The father, The Emperor is a force of authority. He gives The Fool structure to guide them forward. This structure gives The Fool access to knowledge about the patterns of the world, the way things work, and how rules affect them and who they are.

The Fool’s father shows them structure.

The Hierophant

Moving away from their parents, The Fool, now out in the world encounters The Hierophant. Now, seeking education, The Fool finds in The Hierophant knowledge about belief systems, religions, and ideologies and how they function in the world around them. The Hierophant is connected to the arcane and enlightens The Fool in the ways of culture and identity. 

The Fool enters the world.

The Lovers

Now, indoctrinated into the ways of the world and society, The Fool is entering their teenage phase. This is when, for many, feelings of love and sexual attraction become a priority. Until this point, The Fool focused only on themself, and their interactions with the other characters were self-serving. 

The Lovers present them with a new milestone, not just love and relationships, but also receiving outside opinions. Even when they are not interacting with another person romantically or sexually, The Fool needs to be able to find harmony in the ways their individuality meshes and interacts with others’.

The Fool battles with harmony of the self and love.

The Chariot

Going through the trials set before The Fool by The Lovers, they eventually make their way to adulthood. Now, The Fool has a grasp of their own creativity, a sense of their place in the world, and understands the value of those around them. The Fool feels as though they are on a path to triumph.

The Chariot comes to stand in the way of this. Connected to the ego, The Chariot has a larger control over his presence in the world than The Fool does. The challenge here is for The Fool to find satisfaction in their own successes. Here, The Fool learns to have self-confidence. 

The Fool finds their confidence.

Strength

As they navigate adult life, The Fool finds that there are ups and downs, as many rocks in their paths as there are flowers. They learn to draw on Strength to hone their abilities to be patient, tolerant. Strength supports many aspects of their life both physical and emotional.

The Fool finds physical and emotional strength.

The Hermit

With all the knowledge The Fool has gained to this point of their adult life, they begin to return to the question we often ask during our childhood—“Why?” In a search for answers, The Fool begins to look for knowledge within. The Hermit is who The Fool becomes at this stage of introspection.

The Fool seeks solitude and the knowledge to be found there.

Wheel of Fortune

After time spent looking at the way the world works and their place in it, The Fool has begun to notice patterns and cycles in the movement of the world. Some of this The Fool now understands as the way of life. Others they attribute to fate.

The Fool watches the world, the way it spins and how everything happens for a reason and with some cause.

Justice

With a better understanding of the cause and effect nature of the world around them and the way that there things both controllable and uncontrolled, The Fool now looks backward. It is time to understand the ways they have had an impact on the world and take responsibility for their actions. They know now that Justice weighs on everyone, and The Fool must decide which way to tip the scales.

The Fool sees their impact on the world.

Hanged Man

Justice has made The Fool prone to excessive control over their place in the world. As much as withdrawing before helped them gain more knowledge, trying to puck deeply at everything they do holds them back. When The Fool lets go, lets things happen as much as making them happen, their world is changed. They hang freely in the balance of life and decision.

The Fool is freed and martyred.

Death

With knowledge about themselves and love and the patterns and cycles of life and justice and fate, The Fool begins to take time to dissect themselves once again. This time, the introspection is productive. The Fool undergoes change, letting go of habits and unnecessary worries. This dramatic change is hard, and letting go is even painful at times, but The Fool emerges transformed.

The Fool sheds themselves.

Temperance

Even though The Fool has changed and has learned, their movement through life is still fairly erratic. Temperance teaches The Fool to seek balance and hold onto it. They do not need to move back and forth between happiness and practicality. They can find harmony and fulfillment.

The Fool finds equilibrium.

The Devil

Despite Temperance’s guidance, The Fool continues to stray ignorantly from one obsession to the next finding freedom in some places and despair in others. They are not the same person they began their life journey as, but they are still not strong enough to resist the attraction of the material things The Devil offers.

The Fool is tempted by ignorance and obsession.

The Tower

The Fool is trapped under the influence of his baser instincts and The Devil’s penchant for creating hopelessness. In The Tower of their despair, The Fool finds themselves surrounded by a chaotic landscape inside and within themselves. Only a great cataclysmic event will destroy The Tower and free them.

The Fool is trapped.

The Star

A blast causes The Tower to crumble in a violent moment that leaves The Fool shaken and scared. The light of The Star shines brightly down. Everything has been lost, but The Star gives The Fool hope.

The Fool finds hope.

The Moon

Even with hope, The Fool is not returned to a state of pure peace. The Moon, always half in shadow, provides inspiration for the imagination, and the illusions it causes confuse The Fool and show them that they are still lost.

The Fool learns that not everything is as it seems.

The Sun

When The Sun rises in the wake of The Tower’s destruction, The Fool can see their illusions and fears in a new light. Good things are attainable. It is time for The Fool to start reaching for them again.

The Fool finds their feet.

Judgement

The Fool is new. After all the trials and journeys they have faced, they can see clearly and know now that Justice weighs heavily on all, but they must be able to forgive themselves for their actions and move forward toward their true purpose and what is most fulfilling to them.

The Fool reassesses their life to this point.

The World

In the final stage of a The Fool’s journey, they leave behind the ruins of the Tower and renter The World. With an entire life behind them and all the opportunity possible ahead of them, they become part of The World, reveling in their accomplishments and knowing that they have the strength to survive and, more importantly, that their journey never truly ends.

The Fool dives headfirst into life.

More Tarot 101: Welcome to Tarot / The Story of the Major Arcana / Card Keywords / Choosing a Deck /  Practice Makes Perfect / Bonding with Your Deck(s)  / An Introduction to Court Cards / Methods of Reading Court Cards / Using Personality Types to Understand Court Cards / Tarot Journaling

[homenum-revelio-hq]

Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, Mary!

You have been accepted for the role of MARLENE MCKINNON with the faceclaim change of Zoe Kravitz! We really enjoyed how you incorporated Marlene’s background with her large family and the farm into her personality, her strengths, and her weaknesses. We are so excited to have you as part of this roleplay!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Mary

AGE: 26

TIMEZONE: EST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: The most fortunate thing about the world’s given circumstances right now is that I’m working from home as self-quarantine, which opens up A LOT of time for me. This is my reality for the next month and a half or so, and even if (God-willing) we return back, I’ll still have at least a couple hours every other day to spare for replies and such.

ANYTHING ELSE: Triggers: self-harm, eating disorders, suicide.

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Marlene McKinnon

AGE: 24

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Female, She/Her, Bisexual

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Ravenclaw

ANY CHANGES: FC change to Zoe Kravitz! Also not sure if she should be younger like 21 to match Lily’s age? If not, I don’t mind keeping her at 24.

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY: 

Marlene is always the first to volunteer to help. She’s fearless, loyal, and holds so much integrity in doing the right, fair thing for all - even if it’s not exactly her first choice. She might not have the friendliest face, but she’s incredibly compassionate to the lives’ of others. She holds a balance of head and heart, just as any true Ravenclaw would. Speaking of her head, Marlene is one of the most resourceful witches in the Order. She has a great mind to come up with a creative solution, in order to quickly problem solve. She’s also a natural leader. Growing up as one of the older siblings in her family, she had to manage many personalities working together. So she naturally excels in having to facilitate teamwork, which made her an obvious contender as both Quidditch Team Captain and Order of the Phoenix member. Marlene has a deep hero complex - so naturally, she struggles when something goes unexpected. It isn’t like she’s surprised and made to look foolish if she fails. Marlene is smart enough to deduct the possible outcomes within a situation, but her pride gets the best of her. In these moments, she is the perfectionist, competing with herself to always perform at her best. So when she slips, it’s truly personal. Marlene is also quite impatient. Over the years, she’s been able to control herself so she doesn’t come off as hotheaded or anything. However, there are those moments where you might question if Marlene is being sarcastic or if she’s perfected the dry delivery of her inner aggression.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY: 

Marlene loved growing up on the McKinnon Farm. Her family was huge - not only did she have five siblings (three brothers and two sisters), but having her vast number of relatives visit the farm on a weekly basis for Sunday dinner was the norm. Everyone was close and dependent to another for companionship, growth, and love. She learned the most from her family - the kind of witch you should be, the definition of success, what love truly meant - and she knew how lucky she was to have this great sense of home to fall back on. Her favorite memories were after dinner on a family holiday, where her siblings, cousins, and herself would run through the meadows and play Marco Polo. Life on the farm always felt so easy. Up until the age of eleven, she had known nothing else, and yet knew that the farm was her own little oasis in the world. As much as she loved Hogwarts, living there only proved her ideology of her childhood home even more so.

OCCUPATION: 

Well, if you are to ask Marlene, she will tell you her first job is being part of the Dissendium Task Force. It’s a role she takes very seriously and puts every ounce of passion in. Her hero complex really compliments this position, since she has this sense of duty to save people from the evils of the war and help them find some peace in their given circumstances. However, her job to the public eye is Head Ranch Handler of the McKinnon Farm. Marlene is not the only hired hand on the farm, but she is the one who manages those that work for the McKinnon family business. She oversees herding of the winged horses, supervises financial planning, and continuously looks for new opportunities to expand the business on the farm, such as harvesting or humane breeding of magical creatures. The farm is a beloved part of the McKinnon family name and Marlene takes her job very seriously, feeling the heaviness of this important job on her shoulders.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER: 

Her purpose is to be the central point of the Dissendium Task Force. Even though she isn’t the only witch and wizard assigned to this team, she understands that her position and connection to the farm is fundamental to the Task Force, therefore, integral to the Order. With Marlene’s balance between emotion and logic, she understands that technically the actions of the Order are illegal. However, Marlene has a greater sense of justice, the greater good, and understands that in the world there are shades of grey - including this. And she will be honest and say she doesn’t agree with the Order’s decisions half the time. Something she will never admit it is the way she feels about the “inner circle”. Some people would find her thoughts as jealousy, but truly, Marlene feels that this idea of a select group of people making the decisions for a whole organization is equal to the same cause we are trying to fight against. There are few witches and wizards she questions to being in the inner circle in the first place, and wants to challenge if it’s really even fair for someone who has no knowledge of her life to make the decisions for her.

SURVIVAL: 

On the outside, Marlene would suggest that she has thrived this long because of her great wit. In passing, she has had to interact with a handful of dark wizards and keep a cool composure, so they weren’t to suspect her involvement and just simply choose to ignore the McKinnon family and their home. But on the inside, the probable main reason she has survived this long has been the family’s assets. Even with being considered “new money”, Marlene is still part of a large, wealthy Pureblood family, with a significant, ever-growing business that effects both sides of the war in some benefit. The farm is just secluded enough in the English countryside that it hasn’t peaked the Death Eaters interest, so living there and continuing to centralize the Task Force refugee efforts has remained to be safe during these times. Whether that has been brought by ignorance or by a bribe, that we currently don’t know - at least not yet.

RELATIONSHIPS: 

For Marlene, seeing as she grew up in a family that has given her everything, it’s hard for her to not set these high expectations when it comes to her friends. She would consider her two closest friends at the moment as Remus Lupin and Lily Evans. However, things lately have been tense between her and Lily. Marlene is trying to be the better person and be patient with Lily insisting to save every Muggleborn. However, Marlene knows that even her farm’s resources have their limits - and to save everyone simply because they might be targeted could crash their resources, blow their cover, and create mass hysteria. They have had a couple discussions back and forth on the subject, and anytime Marlene has felt herself about to blow over, she’s chosen to walk away. Marlene isn’t the type of person to do that, but Lily has been one of her closest friends since she can remember. This makes her friendship with Remus only more important when it comes to keeping her head cool. The more she talks to other members of the Order, such as Edgar Bones, the more she has begun to open up. However, there are equal amount of Order members Marlene has still found difficulty in trusting, such as Alice Longbottom or Mary MacDonald.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: 

Wow, difficult. VERY difficult. I’m not sure what ships are currently sailing so I’m truly going blind here. Off the bat, I would say Remus Lupin since there’s already a current connection there and foundation of trust. It would be definitely interesting to see something happen between Lily and Marlene maybe - they might have been good friends for a long time. So now, with Marlene being really disappointed at the way Lily is acting in regards to the Task Force, maybe it’s a deeper issue than just ‘focusing too much on muggleborns’. I could also see some kind of hookup between her and Dorcas. Also, Sirius Black. But that’s purely because I’ve seen the ship before and any chance to love down any version of a Sirius Black, I would be 1000% down for. Fabian Prewett might be a cool option too if the character is really into getting himself into danger. I don’t know, Mary ships all things so this is hard!!! lol

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE? 

She’s DEFINITELY got blood/financial privilege. She’s Pureblood and her family is new money. Some Pureblood families probably wouldn’t thrive in the farm setting, but even as rural as her upbringing was, it wasn’t simple, nor was it common. The farm could get confused with a plantation with how much land there was and how grand the main house is. It was luxurious without being goudy and despite the war around them, they have never experienced a hit in their business. Marlene has definitely lived comfortably, and that’s possibly part of the reason why she’s probably so fearless when jumping into situations - because she’s never felt true hardship on a fundamental level. She basically grew up with the perfect life. As for her biases, I don’t think she would cast out anyone for being a werewolf or Muggleborn or half-breed, but I think she would have a harder time in understanding their extraordinary circumstances. It could be done - but it would just be more difficult, as she would at first try to use logic from her own life - when clearly that wouldn’t work because she has never lived in that person’s shoes.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 

Harry Potter role-plays have always been home for me. Since the very beginning of my rp time here on Tumblr. The circumstances going on in the world right now somehow guided me back here, as I was yearning to do something again that I really enjoyed - and as I was searching for a new Harry Potter role-play to apply to, I stumbled onto yours. It had everything I searched for in a good HP RPG, including really warm and patient admins who dealed with all my constant messages! It really got me excited to write up this application and it brought back the magic that I had missed so so much. I’m looking forward to being able to fangirl over relationships I can plot and create for my character, but mostly looking forward to the relationships I might possibly make OOC. I have found family in past HP RPG’s and in the end, that’s what I always yearn for in the end.

PLOT DROP IDEAS:

Well, who would I be if I didn’t recommend at some point to go canon and kill off Marlene and her whole family??? Maybe loosing her family’s farm beforehand?? I mean half of me is like how can I say that my poor bb I haven’t gotten the CHANCE, but also, I love conflict and I feel like that would be such a gut-wrencher. However, OUTSIDE of that, something maybe a little more plausible and in the immediate future, would be a raid of the Potter Estate. It could even get tricky and messy, because Marlene could offer up the McKinnon Farm to use as HQ for the time being and maybe some members are on her side - like Dorcas or Remus - and others are not - like Lily or James - and the creates a rift of tension. Idk?? lol

ANYTHING ELSE? Not really!! I’m ready to go chief if you’ll have me :’)

[skold]

aight so here’s tim’s partial chart which you don’t have to know how to read i’m just putting it here for the people who do

putting a read more for length

sun in sagittarius - yr sun sign is the one most people know cuz it’s by birth date and you can just google it. the dates don’t change year to year the way others do. it’s yr sense of self, yr individuality, yr outward personality. sag suns tend to be rly social, active, honest to the point of hurting peoples’ feelings lmao. known to talk Too Much. impulsive. bad at foreseeing the consequences of their actions. bridge burners. HAAAAAATE being restricted in any way.

moon in capricorn - moon sign is more your internal self and people can often feel more closely aligned w/ their moon sign than their sun sign. moon sign can tell abt someone’s sensitivities and their instincts and where they find security. moon in cap generally indicates somebody who finds fulfillment in being useful to others and has an insane work ethic. has trouble cutting loose. cap moon folks tend to have a lot of insecurities wrt feeling ignored or useless. they want outside approval but can’t depend on it.

mercury in sagittarius - mercury rules over communication and intellect. indicates how someone interacts with other people. ppl with merc in sag fucking love traveling which y’know, considering tim travels for his job AND as a tourist. checks out. mercury in a fire sign can make them seem like they constantly have a fire under their ass pushing them forward. merc in sag have a talent for languages (tim speaks two fluently and at least two more enough to function).

venus in capricorn - venus is yr love language planet. it indicates how ppl feel and experience love/sex and also their feelings on what they find generally pleasurable in life. people with venus in cap can be rly withdrawn and often aren’t up front with their feelings in general but especially wrt relationships. this is PROBABLY why tim doesn’t talk abt his marriage much at all. they want loyalty and stability over all else. often attracted to partners with venus in a fire sign bc they tend to be more forward and initiate things and venus in cap doesn’t want to risk getting hurt. really slow to earn their trust.

mars in libra - mars is abt action and energy and assertiveness. it’s about drive - sex drive, ambition, what gets ppl fired up. ppl with mars in libra cannot make a fucking decision to save their lives but y’know, this is libra we’re talking about. libra placements suck at making decisions. i can say this as a libra moon who cannot commit to anything but i digress. mars in libra folks aren’t usually very social. they want permission from other people to make big moves. tend to be submissive in relationships both in general and in The Sex Way. ppl with mars in libra tend to attract more aggressive/forward/energetic partners.

jupiter in leo - jupiter symbolizes growth and expansion and how someone’s faith and ethics are. also sometimes associated with luck and fortune. ppl with jupiter in leo tend to have healthy self-confidence. they can be kinda arrogant but depending on other placements that arrogance is often not backed up. this can look like delusions of grandeur and often leads to people disliking their attitudes. as a fire alignment, there’s a lot of energy there, but it ends up being misplaced sometimes.

saturn in pisces - saturn is a bitch ass motherfucker. rules over restriction/order and maturity over time. saturn is basically that planet who will hurt you to teach u a gd lesson. the leather daddy of the planets if u will. people with saturn in pisces wanna make other peoples problems their own problems because they want to offer their emotional support, but it happens at the expense of wearing themselves thin. often really secluded private people. they have to find that balance between prioritizing themselves and prioritizing others, and if they can’t find it saturn will hurt their gd feelings.

uranus in virgo - so uranus is such a slow planet to orbit it doesn’t move sign alignments very often and can remain in the same sign for years and influence an entire generation. uranus rules over originality and freedom and revolution. ppl with uranus in virgo can be perfectionists. can be interested in things like ecology, the wellbeing of animals, and alternative medicine. gestures at tim’s 800 rescue animals and the fact that he goes to an acupuncturist. often left leaning to the point of seeming radical (this depends strongly on other placements though). big on social justice.

neptune in scorpio - neptune is also one of those slow planets. neptune rules spirituality and fantasy/imagination. ppl with this alignment can be into the occult. a huge amount of creative potential is there. this is why we saw a lot of rly influential art and music coming out of gen x folks!!

pluto in virgo - the slowest of planets. pluto is abt power and transformation. ppl with pluto in virgo can be critical and analytical. super methodical abt how they do things.

so those are the planets. there’s also a lot of other celestial bodies and points in the chart we look at also!! here they are

north node in taurus south node in scorpio - the nodes are mathematical points opposite each other in the chart. south node indicates your comfort zone and north node indicates what somebody wants out of life and has to go out of said comfort zone for. this alignment indicates somebody who struggles between holding onto things and letting shit go. TRUST ISSUES. also rly strong sexual energy that fucking asshole.

lilith in pisces - lilith is a fictional point opposite the actual moon. in mythology, lilith refused to submit to adam, rejected the world of adam & eve and decided to go chill with satan instead. which, lilith did nothing wrong but whatever. so yr lilith alignment can show what you have fascination with and what you reject about yourself. lilith in pisces people often have a fascination with self-sacrifice and often feel connected with EVERYTHING, which then leads to a lot of suffering. vulnerable to alcoholism/drug issues. people tend to find ppl with this alignment captivating but also can be intimidated/unsettled by them.

chiron in pisces - chiron is an asteroid btwn saturn and uranus. in mythology, chiron was an immortal centaur who was a healer and a teacher. he was injured by a poisonous arrow by heracles and it should have killed him but due to his immortality, he was suffering in excruciating pain but couldn’t die. he gave his immortality for prometheus and upon being sent to the underworld, zeus showed mercy on him and raised him up into the heavens as a celestial body. chiron symbolizes unhealable trauma but can also indicate how one can accept their suffering and move forward. people with chiron in pisces tend to feel the weight of the world on their shoulders and feel they’re all too aware of the suffering of other people and things like violence and injustice. these people often respond to this by helping others in some way.

SO NOW I’M GONNA GO INTO ASPECTS. which is basically how certain planets align in the chart and interact with each other. i don’t have time to describe what these terms mean cuz i’ve already been writing for an hour so just use google lmao

sun conjunct venus - highlights feminine characteristics of all genders and sexes. artistic, creative, optimistic. often fashionable. 

sun square saturn - folks with this alignment either give up at the first sign of a challenge or power thru that shit and learn from it. if this person has lower self esteem it’s generally improved by the fact they’re gratified by their own hard work.

sun square uranus - individualistic, eccentric. independent. can be inconsiderate of others. NEED to be different and NEED people to see they’re different. issues with authority.

sun square pluto - stubborn assholes. tend to be bossy and subconsciously manipulative.

moon sextile saturn - emotionally stable, reliable, helpful.

moon trine uranus - needs considerable emotional independence and freedom in a relationship and within ones family. often lead unconventional lifestyles (read: don’t work a 9-5, have polyam/open relationships, etc). MOOOOOD SWIIIIIINGS

moon sextile neptune - these folks want explanations for the world and will turn to things like religion or the occult to get answers. self-sacrificing and people tend to take advantage of them. messy home. perceptive and sensitive, especially wrt the arts

moon trine pluto - experiences emotions very fucking deeply. will express their opinions even if it’ll hurt the other person’s feelings. often closer with their mother than their father.

mercury sextile mars - quick thinkers. analytical, fast, practical.

mercury trine jupiter - open, sensitive, optimistic, kind. often into philosophy. big on traveling.

venus square mars - impulsive and enthusiastic. can be prone to losing their temper. often want impossible things.

venus square uranus - this aspect tends to complicate relationships because they literally see relationships as a loss of personal independence and autonomy. unconventional, eccentric, very original in their artistic/creative pursuits.

mars sextile jupiter - GOTTA GO FAST. always wants to be learning new things.

saturn opposition uranus - oof. these folks are often big chaotic and unpredictable. their logic sometimes only makes sense to them and it can seem they look down on other people unfairly, but it’s only because others don’t understand their thought process behind why they dislike someone.

saturn trine neptune - these people try to turn their dreams into their careers. spiritual but not necessarily religious.

saturn opposition pluto - DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY FUCKIN WANT. they have big ideas but don’t know how to get them going. can be a difficult personality type to deal with.

uranus sextile neptune - reinforces one’s sense of fantasy. can influence inspiration and originality and innovation in one’s creations.

uranus conjuction pluto - a generational alignment due to both planets being slow moving. strong, original personalities. big ideas.

neptune sextile pluto - also a generational alignment. depending on other alignments, it influences big transformations on a global scale. see: gen x

there are parallels and contra-parallels i could go into but like i have already been at this for forever and i think We Get It. and this is only half his chart without going into the houses cuz i don’t have his birth time!! that’d give us 12 more alignments to look at and tons more aspects!! so like!!! astrology is more than just yr sun sign folks. this has been me reading the fuck outta tim skold for 1600 words see ya

[luna--reading]

[PICK A CARD] What is going on in this connection/relationship?

Hello lovelies~ ♡

This is a pick a card reading for “What is going on in this connection/relationship?”. I picked a total of 4 cards – your energy, your partner’s energy, the energy of the relationship in general and advice – as well as 4 clarifiers and 2 oracle cards!

Do take what resonates because this is after all a general reading so it can’t possibly resonate with everyone. If you’d like a more personalised reading, do DM me as I’m currently doing free reading (as I’m still in the process of learning).

So take a few minutes to mediate on these 4 piles:

1. Ace of Diamonds

2. Ace of Spades

3. Ace of Hearts

4. Ace of Clubs

Once you’re ready, just scroll below to find the reading that you have chosen! You can always leave a comment or simply like the post if it resonates with you, thank you so much~ ♡♡♡

Pile 1 (Ace of Diamonds):

A certain conflict might have arisen between the both of you; maybe one party is trying to exert his/her own authority or power over the other party and that it resulted in conflict between the two of you (or just that things aren’t working out because one party feels like he/she is putting in most of the work and there is this imbalance in this relationship). There’s this sense of this party trying to win the other at all costs and that it might have really resulted in a bad situation where you just can’t see eye to eye with each other and that it is causing you or your partner (or have caused you or your partner) a lot of pain and hurt. Because from the cards, I see both of you being left in a defeated position – one having a lot of strong repressed energy kept within him/her and the other having to go through a major transformation.

This makes sense because the king of cups (reversed) came up as your energy and it represents water signs (mainly Scorpio). Scorpio energy is more of being very secretive, they keep a lot of things to themselves and that they get hurt very easily due to their sensitivity. And just being not in control of their own powers right now. There’s a lot of emotional instability within you and that this makes you feel like wanting to gain more control over this whole situation, whether if it’s over yourself, your partner or this whole relationship. You’re trying to keep everything to yourself and it’s causing you to be very stingy with how you express your own feelings.

On the other hand, for your partner, the ten of pentacles came up as their energy. They must have gone through a certain kind of major transformation and this transformation has made them feeling very completed and renewed right now. This transformation involved them releasing any negative energy (may be past toxic relationships or third-party situations or any other sorts of negativity) that they are not finding themselves to be fulfilling for them. They now understand that when there’s an ending to a relationship, there will be a new beginning. They have healed from the pain that they received from the past. This result in them feeling very fulfilled, they are in a very stable energy, feeling very grounded and just feeling like they do have a happy ending.

Advice to take for this reading will be to release your inner fear or any repressed emotions that you currently have. Take that step forward to make the communication and made a certain amount of clarity.

             If you are the one at fault, take that step forward (if you wish to make amends in this relationship) and apologise for the hurt that you’ve made to the other party. Release yourself of this negative energy and once you find yourself at peace with yourself in regards to this relationship, that’s when healing truly occurs for you. Whether or not your partner chooses to forgive you, is up to them because I see them as someone who has already went through a major transformation and it’s not an easy change, so if they decide not to, just take this as a lesson for yourself to learn from.

             If you are someone who has been holding back his/her own feelings because you are aware of the healing process that your person is going through, then I’m glad to tell you that you don’t have to repress all of that emotions you have for this person, because currently they have already gone through the healing process and maybe if you were to release those strong emotions that you have for the person, it might lead you to a happy ending.

Oracle cards:

When I accept the love of my universe as my primary teacher, I will always be guided back to the light.

True healing occurs when I give myself permission to feel whatever feelings live below the triggers.

Pile 2 (Ace of Spades):

At first, you might be someone who is trying to make a very slow offer to your person. Maybe you are unsure of this relationship or uncertain of what this person really thinks of you. While on the outside, you might seem as taking your own sweet time, but in actual fact, you are just looking for the right opportunity to make that offer. Currently, you are seeking to have a fast communication, wanting to take action, to present your person with this very stable and grounded offer.

On the other hand, your partner has something that they want to manifest (magician, reversed), they have a goal in mind – which is to have that ten of pentacles (that happy, completed family) with you – but they are uncertain on whether or not to take that step forward. They are doubtful of their own capabilities, especially based on the fact that they are unsure of how to make it happen but they seek to extend what they feel to you, to everyone around them.

There’s a lot of learning to be done in this relationship and that there will eventually come a time, when both of you feel like you have the power to be able to nurture and have a stable, secure relationship with each other. This relationship is full of stable, grounded and nurturing kind of energy. In fact, this relationship might take off slow at first but like all pentacles energy, even though it starts off as slow but as the relationship starts to take root, this relationship will be a stable and long-lasting one. I really see this as a long-term commitment for both of you.

Currently, either one or both of you are feeling this burden and that you should just release this burden. Have direct communication with each other and realise that once you start to have faith, you will be able to have an unbiased judgement towards this relationship. Especially for your partner, it is important to have them to have faith in themselves (because I see them as someone who has a lot of fear when it comes to this relationship but they do think of wanting to have this relationship) and in actual fact, I do see them as letting this fear go eventually and coming into communication with you, at a very fast pace actually. Especially with the queen of swords, she doesn’t tolerate and will definitely do everything she can to make herself clear. In fact, once you allow them to see that there is nothing to fear in this relationship, I can actually see this relationship blossoming already.

Oracle cards:

My faith has the power to turn trauma into healing, conflict into growth and fear into love.

When I lean on certainty and faith, I change my mind about the world I see.

Pile 3 (Ace of Hearts):

Currently, in this relationship, there is a lot of self-reflecting, whether if it’s you or them. If it’s you, then you might be trying to re-evaluate this whole situation as you contemplate on the next move to take. But if it’s them, then this self-reflection could have already been completed. This then calls for the need to actually try to take a proper rest and find answers from within you. The four of swords is also trying to tell you that, you’ve been acting tough for too long and that it is alright, to take this time to take a rest. As a matter of fact, there is nothing wrong with feeling drained by relationships because sometimes, when things don’t go our way, we might feel like we are not trying hard enough. But this card is trying to tell you that, it is time for you to take a step back, look inwards and just simply find inner peace first for this situation.

Eight of pentacles is a confirmation card that you have been working very hard in this relationship, trying to make this relationship work. But you’ve got to understand that while it is still a work in progress, realise that relationships are all about putting in the effort every time and it will always been a continuous progression because once one party stops putting in the effort, it just means that this relationship is coming to an end.

On the other hand, maybe it’s this work that you put in that is allowing your partner to realise that there is this person who is willing to put in that effort for me, so maybe now, I shall do the same as well. He is learning that he should give as much as he receives and this could come in that offer of love, the knight of cups, that you were hoping for. The six of pentacles could also meant that he is trying to find back the balance within this relationship as he wants to make that offer of love to you.

Initially, you might have that self-doubt in yourself when you don’t see the effort that you have made in making this relationship work. But through this period of meditation and self-evaluation, as you seek advice from within you, you must have come to a conclusion of what action to take next. Listen to your intuition and do not resist any of these intuitions that comes by. Karma (reversed) is presenting you the time to work on your self-forgiveness, self-acceptance and simply have that self-love that you should have. As you release yourself from this fear, it is time for you to take things into your power, see things with much clarity and simply just realise your own worth. With the king of swords, it’s also trying to tell you to get back into your own power, that with this clarity in mind, you can see things from a bigger picture and eventually, you will gain that inner peace that you need. Just trust that everything arranged by fate and that despite you facing some obstacles here and there, these are just tests of your own faith and that once you pass each and every test, you will eventually reach your end goal. And while you take this time to do the self-reflection, everything will fall into place nicely just for you, once you have realised your own self-worth.

Oracle cards:

Hope is the conduit for miracles.

Obstacles are detours in the right direction.

Pile 4 (Ace of Clubs):

The world (reversed) talks about how you are currently trying to seek personal closure, which could have resulted in delay towards this new relationship. This could be due to the fact that someone else (your past relationship I’m seeing) has left you out in the cold, making you feel very upset and that currently you are wanting to have that change in your love life.

On the other hand, your partner currently could be facing certain transitions with the four of wands (reversed), be it if it’s in terms of relationships or career or just simply his life. This transition could be in terms of their career, in particular, as I see the three of wands as a card of possible overseas opportunities. But if it’s not career, then maybe there are other opportunities out there right now that they are not really putting relationships as their priorities.

There is a lot of love and emotions in this pile. (Like really a lot, you have both the ace of cups and the lovers in this pile and that is just simply shouting out LOVE to me). But the ace of cups (reversed) is saying that either one or both of you are repressing these emotions to each other, which I would say the both of you actually. In actual fact, this relationship (or chemistry) might have come off as unexpected for both of you because I see that both of you are at different stages in your life right now – with one trying to have personal closure and the other having personal transitions – I see the both of you working very hard to improve yourself which is really a very good thing. And as both of you slowly try to heal yourself and find balance back in your life, that’s when both of you start to attract one another (there is a very strong attraction, especially with the lovers and it’s undeniable that you have overflowing love for each other, just that both of you aren’t willing to express these emotions to each other right now).

Both of you are currently working on yourself in various aspects and that the advice to you right now is, once you maintain this compassionate and nurturing energy. Once you have that calm and balanced life for yourself, your love life will soon follow suit and that’s when everything will start to fall into place very quickly (because the knight of wands is a very fast-moving energy). So continue healing yourself, continue working on yourself and you’ll soon find yourself in that loving energy that you seek to express to your partner. And it’s just hard for you to prepare because this will come in fast that it’ll already be in place before you know it!!

Oracle cards:

Energy flows where my intention goes.

Joy is the ultimate creator.

[mittensmorgul]

The Empty says he'll come for Cas when he's happy and I've been thinking that meant he had a heart to heart with Dean but isn't it more likely that his acceptance of his previous decisions will be what summons the Empty? He feels so much guilt for Heaven and the fall, etc. But he saw the AU and what would have happened if he'd not made his own choices. And we saw how terrified of heaven he is now, that he knows they're all shades of evil. So, maybe self forgiveness is the trigger and not Dean?

eep I have not had enough coffee for this yet… :P

Let’s start with the assumption that Cas is a multidimensional character with issues on a lot of fronts. Dean is not his sole reason for being, and not his sole emotional issue, you know?

That said, he knows the current situation in Heaven. Not only that, he knows that while he’s played a part in Heaven’s earlier problems, he’s been working harder than all the other angels put together trying to fix what’s wrong there– both as a result of his (and other angels’) actions in the past (because remember the whole apocalypse thing was NOT his idea and he has PROOF from GOD that he’s the one who kept trying to do the right thing… by the sheer fact that he was the one repeatedly resurrected, you know?) as well as now.

He’s consistently done everything in his own power to help Heaven, and aside from that one time he’d been partially taken over by the Leviathan and killed swaths of angels in “punishment” as Godstiel and that other time he was lied to and tricked into helping Metatron complete the angel fall spell (because he fully believed it would lock all the angels IN Heaven, not dump them out), Heaven’s problems really aren’t his fault, you know? There’s only so many times one angel can plead to all the others to let the past go, to accept that the world has changed, and that they either need to change with it or die…

Since then he has gone so far out of his way to try to make amends that it’s beyond ridiculous. I mean, I was just watching 11.02 a few hours ago, and even the angel who is probably Cas’s last “friend” in Heaven– Hannah– has played a part in Cas’s torture and manipulation. Cas had asked for help, and was the one angel who had a decent idea of the gravity of the situation with the Darkness, and yet even Hannah was ready to punish him in order to get Sam and Dean’s location out of him. NOT to talk with them and discover what had happened, but to punish and kill them for what they’d done.

There is no reasoning with angels. Cas had accepted that. The next time he asked for Heaven’s help (in 11.22), it was as a direct messenger of God, and he still had to beg, even when he had the authority of God behind him. So what did he really expect from Heaven? When Heaven approached HIM in 12.15, it was under the assumption that he would “repent” for what he’d done and return to them, and abandon his nonsense on Earth and with the Winchesters. But he firmly declared that no, he was doing all of this for the Winchesters. It was Heaven’s insistence they handle Dagon and Kelly their way that led to even more angel deaths.

Then they continued the same sort of campaign in s13– first attempting to kill Jack and then not letting anything stand in their way to capturing Jack to use his powers to “fix” Heaven. Dumah tried to ask for Cas’s help in “convincing” Jack to essentially be their magical little slave, but the truth was that the angels selfishly wanted to use Jack like some sort of battery, and not like a person. Which is honestly horrific.

I think that meeting his alternate version in the AU was more about understanding the differences between what he COULD have been versus what he IS. I don’t think it’s a matter of him realizing that Heaven is “evil” or corrupt or just flat-out wrong. Those were things he already knew. It was more about him being able to take his destiny into his own hands quite literally. Killing his AU self who’d been brainwashed and damaged beyond all recognition, precisely because he was never forced to consider free will, isn’t just about Dean having been the one to keep that door open for him, you know? Yes, the entire process never would’ve begun without Dean, but on every other level that mattered, the choices and actions came down to what Castiel chose for himself. Killing his AU self was entirely about him. They were even alone in that scene, you know? That was about Cas himself facing this. Not about proving Heaven was evil, or would torture him into compliance, or even about the fact that Dean had essentially saved him from that fate. It was about HIM, and what breaking free of Heaven’s control had finally allowed him to become. Which seems like a subtle difference, because yes Dean has been the catalyst (repeatedly, over the last ten years, opening the door in the first place and then continuing to support him to the point where he’s irrevocably become A Winchester himself in every way that matters, through trials and hard times as well as through successes), but the important thing to remember is that Cas could’ve chosen a different path at any point (like he did in s6), and yet over and over he continued to choose free will, even when he wasn’t sure it was the right thing, and even when he didn’t get it quite right. Reducing all of that to be “because Dean” is kinda reductive.

Obviously this summary here is seriously glossing over a lot. This is in no way everything that’s happened here, but just a quick lil refresher leading up to what I’m about to say… which is:

Cas has been making his peace with Heaven, and with himself, for a really long time. He’s even (shockingly) been given a sort of absolution from Naomi of all people, back in 13.19 when she walked him to the door and let him go. Then in 14.08 she acknowledged that Cas’s motives may not have been putting Heaven first in taking the actions he did to save them from the Empty Entity, which in itself is a sort of forgiveness or acceptance of who Cas is, and she also specifically THANKED him.

Naomi, at least (and probably Dumah) are now beginning to understand Cas and the fact he hasn’t been “working against Heaven” all this time, but searching for a better way, balancing the needs and wants of Heaven with the needs and wants of humanity on Earth. Because it’s never been “us or them,” as SO many angels have been convinced of over the years. This is not a black and white issue, on any level.

So when it comes to what could make Cas perfectly happy, what would trigger his deal with the empty, I think it must first and foremost be about Cas himself.

Even having Heaven’s forgiveness and acceptance wasn’t enough to trigger the deal. Even saving Jack wasn’t enough. Even reunited with the Winchesters as a family wasn’t enough. Because while I feel that yes, Dean will of course play a major part in Cas achieving that happiness, because Dean has ALWAYS been the major trigger for ALL of Cas’s growth over the years, it wouldn’t be as simplistic as some romantic declaration, you know? Because Cas as a character is so much more than that.

But since you asked me what I thought of this, I’m gonna tell you.

I’m not entirely sure it will ever come to this. I’m not sure they won’t find some other resolution to Cas’s deal before it comes to them laying out Cas’s happiness trigger on the table that blatantly, you know?

Not to mention, this is the sort of speculation I personally hate, because it’s based on the assumption that we’re looking at this from the right direction. And we literally have no way to know if we’re somehow obsessing over the entirely wrong thing, or interpreting it correctly.

Right now, this entire question and response is grounded on unstable foundations. It’s nothing more than a theoretical exercise, because we have no way to know what will actually be important by the end of the season. I can suggest that thematically and from a character perspective this will come down to Cas’s choices and his own opinion of himself, and that Dean will likely play a role as a catalyst in making his choice. But outside of that… I’m not even sure if the rest of this will ever actually be relevant in the first place. Because we’ve made the ASSUMPTION that we’re correct in believing this must come down to some sort of confrontation between Cas and the Empty, or that we will definitively have a singular moment of Absolute Happiness with unqualified certitude that it was One Singular Thing that sparked Cas’s doom. And that’s just… not how this works. At least not from the speculation side of things.

I mean, this is an interesting question from a purely theoretical standpoint, because it was interesting enough to me to spend the last two hours typing this nonsense up. But outside of this reply having been an interesting thought exercise for me, I don’t think there’s really any conclusion to be made. I think the question is unanswerable, because we don’t even know yet if canon will bear it out as a valid question in the first place, you know?

I really hope that makes sense. It’s just frustrating to me that there’s even this hemming and hawing over speculation like this, as if it has to be Destiel or Not-Destiel, and those are the only two valid assumptions going forward. Because that assumption negates all of this ^^, that yes of course it is all about Cas and his choices and being able to forgive himself and hopefully understand himself enough to make those choices about who and what he wants to be, but you literally cannot divorce Dean’s presence in Cas’s life and his influence in every one of Cas’s choices over the last almost 11 years from what Cas inevitably will choose for himself. 

I’m not saying that Cas will choose xyz thing because of Dean’s influence (hur hur), or because Dean pushed him into choosing it. Cas’s story arc is still primarily about HIM, just like Dean’s is primarily about Dean, and Sam’s is primarily about Sam. That’s how main characters function in a narrative, you know? But they also don’t function in a vacuum. What makes up the narrative is how each of the characters relate to the others, and how all of their choices are influenced by and consequently affect the others.

So at the very root, I think the question is looking to establish some false duality that it must be one or the other thing, that one of these things will be The Truth™ and will therefore negate or invalidate the other. And that’s just… not how this works. I think that really does a disservice to Castiel as a character, reducing him to a plot device when this has literally been his character arc since s4, made essential to the ongoing narrative structure since at least s8