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yanderecrazysie · 1 year ago

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I really love your writing especially the angsty one such as the most recent one. Related rant but I hated most movies where the FL(Female lead) would start as cliche “ugly girl” with glasses and Terrible fashion and in the middle of the movie she takes her glasses off and suddenly become the “pretty” girl and then have a whole scene where they do a make over to make her charm the whole school. It just felt superficial and very vain, like the FL was fine the way she was, glasses don’t make you ugly as if paired with right outfit, can make you look actually cute. After all glasses are there to help you see, the fl suddenly gets her vision fix when she has her make over? And its really rubs me the wrong way that you need to have a whole make over, with a pretty dress and everything just to get people to like you. And its also pretty disheartening to see that people won’t like you if you have acne, like it natural to have acne and you shouldn’t be shamed for it.

But unto the actual request itself: can I have yandere Oikawa (or atsumu miya) x reader with this related context in mind: The reader has a crush on oikawa and with the advice of a friend, she stops wearing her glasses and does a whole make up and hair routine just to catch Oikawa’s attention. It works and one thing leads to another and both reader and oikawa start dating. At first Reader is ecstatic to finally the man of her dreams but slowly she starts to become uncomfortable with the way she looks like she no longer recognize herself. The make up starts to feel itchy and unnatural to her skin and she starts bumps into thing due to her not wearing her glasses anymore. Despite reader being miserable she till persevere and try to keep up the facade of “Oilawa’s ideal girl” but as time goes on the need to please Oikawa and the stress of keeping up appearances finally gets to her and she just breaks up with him.

On Oikawa perspective (being an entitled prick) is obviously dismayed as he wanted to have the perfect facade of a power couple. He wanted to shape the reader into his ideal pretty girl. So both reader and him have a mutual break up since both of them are now dissatisfied with the current predicament. But as oikawa sees the reader old self, he starts to fall in love (or obsessed) he finds the reader’s glasses cute and he finds that the reader is even more adorable when she comfortable and happy. Like he finds the reader more attractive when she was being her typical self without the glitz and glam. Like even if the reader has acne and wears dorky glasses, Oikawa finds that strangely attractive.

-Sorry for the mini rant, I just recently watch a movie similar to this and it left a bad taste in my mouth. Like as person with both acne and glasses, I’ve been told by some people that I stop wearing glasses due to it not “suiting me” like I wasn’t wearing it for fun, I wear it cause I need to see. Its even worse when I had acne and my friends told me to hide it with make up only to find out that make up worsens the acne problem. Thanks for listening to me

I totally get what you mean- I always found glasses attractive on guys and adorable on girls (to the point that I tried to pretend I had reading issues as a child to get myself glasses), so it was always sad to see it portrayed as “Now that she’s taken them off, she’s pretty!” I think everyone looks nice in their natural way, no makeup needed, so makeovers have always rubbed me the wrong way a little too! I personally don’t wear any makeup at all, too much of a hassle.

Title: Change

Pairings: Oikawa Tooru x Reader

WARNINGS: Yandere themes

Summary: You don’t like your new look, but it’s gotten you so much attention. Do you really have to choose between your old look and your happiness?

Part 2: here

change

/verb/

make (someone or something) different; alter or modify:

You looked in the mirror, stunned by your reflection. Your glasses were gone, the contacts in your eyes being the only reason you could see that fact in the first place. But besides that, your hair had been swept back in a pretty bun with a braid on either side of your head and just a couple locks of hair fashionably left down. Your skin looked flawless, thanks to the makeup. You could thank the makeup too for the way your face looked so much more mature and alluring.

Your wardrobe had undergone a great change as well. Since your college didn’t have a uniform or strict dress code, you’d put on a short white dress with black stripes and a belt around the waist. A fake diamond necklace laid across your collarbone, perfectly matching the bracelet clasped around your wrist. Even your feet were squeezed into a pair of fashionable black slips.

You turned back to your friend in awe, “You’re a miracle worker!”

Your friend laughed, but it was nothing short of the truth. Before this, your hair was always left down, hanging over your glasses-adorned, lightly pimpled face. You never wore a dab of makeup and your clothes usually amounted to an oversized T-shirt, faded jeans, and ratty sneakers. You didn’t put any care into your appearance. Until now, that is.

“You’ll have to keep this up on your own, now that you know how,” your friend reminded you, wagging a warning finger at you, “But this will totally grab Oikawa’s attention! You’ll be his girlfriend by the end of the week!”

You were turning heads from the moment you walked through the school doors. How could you not? You were a gorgeous girl accentuated with the latest fashions and professionally done makeup. All you had to do was bat your long, fake eyelashes and guys would throw themselves at your feet.

Your friend was right. You’d caught Oikawa’s attention very quickly, and soon enough, he was blowing away the sudden competition by offering to carry your lunch tray and walk you home.

The attention flustered you and made you so happy, but a small part of you felt sad. He’d never noticed you before. But that was the point of this makeover, right? To get him to finally look your way?

When Oikawa had asked you to meet him by the fountain in the courtyard, you knew exactly what he was going to ask you. You pretended to be surprised anyway, completely shocked and honored by the question.

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

From that moment on, you were the school’s power couple. Everyone regarded you with awe or jealousy. “Oikawa and (Y/n)” became synonymous with “popular” and all of his friends, the people you’d looked at with envy not long ago, welcomed you to their table and inner circles.

But as time went on, you felt yourself drifting away. Oikawa always talked about appearances and critiqued you whenever your hair or makeup wasn’t perfectly in place.

It felt fake.

Your makeup, your sense of style, your relationship, everything felt so unbearably fake.

Like you were no longer yourself.

Every time you looked in the mirror, your heart sank. You didn’t even recognize yourself anymore. Being perfect had somehow become something that you despised.

But whenever you brought up wearing your glasses again or dressing down, Oikawa wouldn’t hear of it. “What would everyone think of that?” “You have to look your best.” “We’re a power couple, sweetheart, we don’t wear things like glasses, okay?”

The stress began to tug at you until you could take it no longer. One look in the mirror on a fateful Monday morning that already hadn’t been going well and you were done.

You had to be true to yourself, even if that meant no longer being “perfect” or popular. Even if it meant losing Oikawa, who didn’t even feel like a boyfriend. More like a costar on a filming set.

That was a good way to put it- your life had become a movie and you were just an actress putting on a show. Caked in makeup and forcing a smile.

Dear Oikawa,

I can’t do this anymore. I want to go back to the way things were before we started dating. I know we already talked about how that won’t work for you, so I understand that means we’re breaking up. I’m sorry, but I think this is best for me.

Love,

(Y/n)

It felt good to undo the bun and braids. It felt even better to slide your glasses up your nose and slip on a simple, comfy T-shirt. Nostalgic might be the best word for what you were feeling, but either way, you were more comfortable than you had been in months. Why had you ever given this up?

You looked in the mirror and smiled. You’d washed off all of the makeup, revealing more than a few blemishes, but you didn’t care. You liked the way you looked and you’d be damned if you went back to drawing on your face every morning.

It was strange walking into school that morning. It was like you’d become invisible. No longer did people turn their heads to look at you, nor did you walk alongside Oikawa. But it didn’t feel lonely. What was the point of having a boyfriend when it was just for appearances? You’d always felt like there were miles between you both- as though you couldn’t reach him even with your fingers intertwined.

Your first class was with Oikawa and you weren’t looking forward to it. He might be mad, after all, that his “power couple girlfriend” dumped him and went back to looking nerdy. You chose your old seat, one near the front of the class, instead of the back row where all the “cool people” sat.

When Oikawa entered the classroom, he stopped dead in his tracks, staring at you as though he couldn’t believe it. You couldn’t blame him- you looked completely different than he was used to. You were actually surprised he even noticed you.

He walked closer and you shrank into your seat a little, not looking forward to a confrontation. But to your shock, he slid into the seat next to you, dropping his backpack on the floor and pulling his stuff out of it, settling into the desk as though he’d always sat there.

“What are you doing?” You blurted out.

When Oikawa turned to you, he studied you with great interest, as though you were an art piece in a museum. There was a tinge of pink on his cheeks, something he’d never had when the two of you were dating.

“Aren’t you just the cutest thing?” Oikawa crooned, reaching a hand out to your face.

You jerked away, startled and confused. What was with this sudden change in behavior?

“You know, you never really officially broke up with me,” Oikawa shrugged, a creepy, possessive grin curling across his lips, “And even if you did…”

He turned to you, eyes dark with something you couldn’t place. Something that chilled you to the bone.

“I wouldn’t accept it.”

#yandere #yandere haikyuu #yandere x reader #haikyuu!!#yandere one shot #one shot #yandere oikawa #oikawa tooru

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avpdvoidspace · 4 months ago

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Since you've mentioned a couple of times having comorbid OCPD, would you mind explaining more about the effect that disorder has on you? Out of every PD, it's the one I never find people talking about. Due to that, and the diagnostic criteria itself being (as ever) exasperatingly superficial and vague, It's hard to know where to even look for information about it..!

Sure. I agree that it's very difficult to find information about ocpd online. I guess I could categorize my experience with ocpd into three categories: things that are absolutely recognized symptoms of ocpd, things that overlap with other obsessive compulsive spectrum disorders (like things more traditionally thought of as OCD symptoms), and things that I have to assume come from ocpd because they seem to but I don't know if they're universal because I don't see other people talking about having ocpd. So in terms of things that are definitely ocpd experiences: I really don't feel safe or comfortable in situations I don't have at least some control over. I need to control my space, my food, who is around me, etc to feel safe. This also applies to my time and schedule. I get very agitated when it's interrupted, even if I don't show it. I tend to plan my day's activities pretty rigidly and it stresses me out when I'm not able to follow through. I also have very rigid ways I like to do things, and it stresses me out if I have to do something with someone else's method or if someone in my apartment does something differently to how I would do it, especially things like eating without washing hands first, not taking shoes off before coming in, etc. I try to keep this kind of thing in check because I don't want to be controlling or obnoxious, but it causes me a lot of stress internally. This has been very difficult when I've had a job and I'm being told to do things a particular way but it's not MY way. It's also difficult when I'm intentionally trying to push myself to try a different method for, say, drawing something. Even though I'm making the choice, I'm breaking my method and it feels extremely Wrong. The next category is overlap with other obsessive compulsive spectrum disorders. I definitely get intrusive thoughts and the anxiety inducing spiral of 'something bad will happen if I don't have the tv volume set to an odd number' and 'I feel compelled to make sure my foot touches to the floor in a very certain way right now for Reasons'. I also have health anxiety that gets worse if I try to engage in reassurance seeking behavior (but this only started after I got diagnosed with a chronic illness, so it could be a combination of ocpd and trauma). But you can apply the mechanics of health anxiety to other things that pop into my head to frighten me with no basis in reality that start the reassurance seeking/me becoming more convinced the terrible thing is true cycle. Then the third category, which is random things I think are ocpd but who knows because there aren't a lot of other people out there talking about their personal experiences with it: I like recording things. Every day, I write the weather conditions down in a notebook. I also have very rigid records of my drawing time and draw with a stopwatch going to make sure I'm keeping track and write everything in a notepad++ file like so

I get extremely stressed out if anything gets in the way of this process! You could say my life kind of revolves around this actually. I've actually drawn at least an hour a day for about a decade (knock on wood...), and I track it every day. In general, I have a lot of fun creating methods and systems to follow rigidly. It's like a game even. Maybe why I like playing games with a lot of organization/time management... Love giving myself a list of tasks and completing them. Speaking of games, I love Pokemon Legends Arceus because it is essentially a checklist simulator. Also, I experience something similar to special interests but maybe not exactly the same. I wouldn't say hyperfixations either because they're not fleeting. They're very enduring. I wish I could explain more about how they're unique from either special interests (in the autistic meaning of the phrase) and hyperfixations (like with ADHD), but it's kind of hard to explain without feeling like I'm explaining it poorly. And last, something that could go in either this category or the second because it's something I've heard people diagnosed with OCD talk about experiencing is I have a weird thing with my memory where my visual/auditory memory are weirdly strongly connected. So if I'm listening to something while drawing, if I listen to it again, I can 'see' what I was drawing at the time. If I look at the drawing, I'll remember the part of the audiobook or whatever I was listening to. It's to the point that if I was listening to an audiobook while playing a certain video game, hearing the audiobook again will make me crave playing the video game really intensely! It's like I can see exactly where I was in the game as if I was playing it right now. Anyway, I hope that was helpful. I tried to include everything I could think of. My life is very rigid, but I guess if there's one more thing I could say about that, it's that the rigidity excites me and feels like it lights up my brain with feel-good chemicals. I think having ocpd is like a combination of extreme anxiety and the ability to create fun engaging activities all by myself and with very few resources.

#ocpd #obsessive compulsive personality disorder

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1heavy-heart · 1 year ago

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Hey can u write something about pedri taking reader to meet his parents and she's really respectful and sweet and successful and treats him well and his parents are suprised bc usually the girls he fools around with arent like that

Hi, thank you for your order, sorry for the delay, hope you like it!

𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝗀𝗂𝗋𝗅, 𝗆𝗒 𝗌𝗈𝗇 - Pedri Gonzalez 👫

pov: Pedri takes you to meet his parents and they are amazed at his unique personality

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pedri POV

It's been 4 months since me and y/n have been dating, it's still not official because we decided to wait a little longer to officially be boyfriend and girlfriend. A few days ago I made a decision, I wanted to take her to meet my parents and today we are going to my parents' house so that they can meet her. To be honest, I'm anxious, it's been a while since I took a girl for my parents to meet, also because my last experiences were bad and they also told me that I went out with very superficial girls and interested more in my fame than in me.

-Wow Pedri, where your parents live seems like a great place to live. - y/n said marveling at the landscapes of Tegueste.

-It is a very good place, yes, I loved living here when I was a child.

We arrived at my parents' house and as soon as we got out of the car, my parents and my brother Fernando were there to greet us, my nervousness only increased, I really wanted them to like her, because I love her so much.

-Hi mom, hi dad - I say warmly and hug them both

-I missed you mi niño! It took so long to come this time - my mother said.

-A lot of work, mom, you know.. - I said and then I hugged Fer.

-And this must be the beautiful girl you spoke so much about my son? - said my mother.

-yes of course. Mom, Dad, I want you to meet y/n.

-It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Pedri spoke a lot about you and I was anxious to come here.

My parents and Fer finished greeting her, we all went inside and me and y/n took our bags to the room we were going to stay, after packing our things it was almost dinner time and my parents wanted to make a special dinner, we went down and I went to help my dad while y/n said he was going to help my mom in the kitchen.

y/n POV

I went to the kitchen to offer to help Pedri's mother with dinner, after all I liked to help.

-Hi, do you need help?

-Hi dear, please call me Rosy, so I feel younger, and don't worry, everything is under control. - she said and laugh

-It's okay Rosy, but I insist on helping you with something!

-Ok then help me with the salad dear. - she smiled

I helped his mother to prepare the salads, soon after we all went to dinner, the family remembered several things from the boys' childhood and they laughed, telling me the biggest antics of Pedri when I was a child, I laughed and had fun, because it was every funny story that It reminded me of myself as a child.

-I admit that when I was little I also did things like that - I say laughing

-serious? I understand why you and Pedrito get along so well - said Fer

-I think that must be why. - I say agreeing and smile at Pedri.

Right after dinner I help clear the dishes from the table, even though Rosy insists she'll do it herself.

-your food is wonderful, Rosy, thanks for dinner

-thank you y/n, you are so polite, I see that my son chose a good girl and I am very happy about that!

-thanks for the compliment, I confess I was a little nervous to meet you - I say and she looks at me and smiles slightly.

-imagine, dear, why be nervous?

-I really wanted to show you that I really like your son, he is very special.

-I noticed that from the moment you arrived and the way Pedri spoke about you on the phone, it always seemed genuine.

-I am glad to hear that. - I smile at her and she smiles back.

We finished the dishes and I went to bed because I was very tired from the trip.

Pedri POV

y/n went to bed and I stayed a while longer with my parents in the living room, suddenly my mother says:

-Pedrito, I'm simply surprised with your new girlfriend, she's so polite and doesn't have frills like the previous one.

-y/n is different, I told you. - I smile

-She really is, this time you chose a good girl son! - said my father.

-thanks Dad! I figured they would like her, y/n comes from a family like us, she didn't grow up among the elite so she's more humble and kind

-that's good, a sign that she knows how to value achievements. - said my mother

-It's true, because the last girl you brought didn't even value your work, my son - said my father.

-yes, dad, this time I took the big luck! - I say and smile, thinking about the amazing girl that was part of my life now.

#pedri gonzalez #pedri x reader #pedri/gavi #pedri gonzalez imagine #pedri

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bonesandthebees · 9 months ago

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I just rounded off my period so a massive L to all of you I suppose /lhj

I'm in so much pain about the Wilbur situation in general and have so many mixed feelings. Like I've only just got a chance to sit down and read his 'apology' and all of the replies from content creators and (ex)fans alike. I was so close to throwing up that I had to close the tab /gen.

I've never really watched Shubble content, nor have I had a chance to watch her full vod on the issue, so my first instinct was to be a good little media sieve and try to be open-minded before making an opinion. I won't lie, I was trying very hard to convince myself that it wasn't Wilbur and everyone was jumping to conclusions (though the more I read made that less and less likely).

I was worried for Wilbur's group (tommy, phil, charlie etc) because there was no way they could stream without being harassed by it, and worried partially for Wilbur as well because of various mental health problems that he's admitted to in the past.

Now that he's responded, though, everything's so much worse. As someone who struggled with being on the victim side of abuse for a while, I feel awful for Shelby and everything that happened to her.

Charlie, Ranboo, Tubbo etc have all responded (most very passionately so I have no doubt where they stand), so that's good for them, but tommy and phil have yet to. I can't help but wonder if Techno knew, if it had even started by then or if Wilbur didn't tell him.

I've seen people making reasonable assumptions about signs in past content that may have pointed to Wilbur's abuse, but there are some people making reaches that don't even make sense and now I can barely consume content or even remember videos that i used to be fond of without worrying that it was just Wilbur manipulating people.

Also, as far as I'm aware, none of lovejoy have replied to the situation (apart from the ex trumpeter), so ash, mark and joe are getting hate when they haven't done anything (though I may have just not seen it yet).

Some part of my brain is convinced this is all some horrible nightmare and I'll wake up able to laugh and joke about SBI content with my friends, even if I know that'll likely never happen again.

If there's one thing for certain, it's that his response was not an apology. I do believe that he thought long and hard about it (even if it was just for superficial PR reasons) and maybe ran it by people he trusted, but it was not what he should have said in response to Shelby coming forward about his abuse. All he's done is dig a bigger hole and now thousands of his (ex)supporters have to live with the consequences of his actions.

Honestly, I just feel sad. Sad that it happened, sad that Wilbur isn't who I thought he was and sad that my life will be drastically different from here on out.

Sorry that that was so heavy. I just feel really confused and there's a pit in my stomach that's churning horribly.

-🌺 <3

oh of course SOMEONE just had to finish their period right when the rest of us get it smh /lh

yeah, this is such a horrible situation overall. for me at least his response made the situation somewhat more tolerable because it felt like a closure moment. it made me realize, oh, he was really awful the entire time and this shit apology proves it. however, I'm sure in a few days the reality will hit me and I'll feel awful again. it's not fun realizing someone you admired and were a fan of for so long was a completely different kind of person than the guy he presented himself as.

I don't know where you heard that charlie responded, because as far as I'm aware he has not said anything anywhere about this situation yet.

I also don't think it's very worthwhile for people to be combing through old vods and videos for 'questionable moments' they can point at and be like "look he was abusive the whole time!" because we don't know what's going on in cc's personal lives. more than anything that should be the take away here. we don't know these people, we don't know their personal relationships, we shouldn't be trying to pinpoint every questionable moment and prove something with it because we're not in these personal relationships with wilbur. the other cc's are. basically, don't overthink what you see in old vods or old videos. it's not going to help whatsoever and it's none of our business.

I've also had the thought that this feels like a nightmare I could wake up from. I've had that thought every day since shelby's stream first happened. but unfortunately that's not the case, and we need to focus instead on supporting the victims here

I'm sorry there's not much I can say to help. just try to take care of yourself. give yourself time. it'll get a bit easier with each passing day.

#ask #hibiscus anon #wilbur situation

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joan-deactivated20230204 · 11 months ago

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The "Favorite Comics I Read in 2023" Roundup

I didn't read as many comics this year as I have in the last couple- partly because I've been a lot busier with university and living in a new country, partly because I've been trying to read more books, and partly because I spent a good few months on a certain behemoth of a comic that'll be taking the #1 spot on this list. At the end of the day, though, I'm an opinionated woman who can't resist doing a retrospective on her favorite reads of the year. There's a few honorable mentions that deserve to be given note, though: Dogsred and The Jojolands are two of my favorite ongoing series right now, and the only reason they aren't making it onto this list is that they're too new for me to have a really solid opinion on beyond "I get excited when the new chapter comes out". I also, somewhat guiltily, want to give a shoutout to Sins of Sinister, which isn't what I'd generally consider a "good" comic, but which went a long way to revitalizing my interest in the X-Men after a decade of not reading X-books, pretty much entirely off the back of the new faggy characterization of Sinister.

Without further ado,

10. Chainsaw Man (Part 2)

Despite starting the year as probably my favorite ongoing comic, this comes in at #10, with my feelings on it going pretty hot and cold over the course of the year. It struggles with the same erratic pacing that all of Fujimoto's projects seem to encounter, but the highs are very very high- there's a very interesting story being built here in which the idea of normalcy and in particular its relationship to heterosexuality and domesticity are called into question. It still remains to be seen if it'll stick the landing, though, and admittedly I'm not thrilled about the last bunch of chapters. But it's been a fun ride this year.

9. The Joker: The Man Who Stopped Laughing

This was the year in which I tried to really get back to familiarizing myself with what the superhero genre has been doing in the last decade, and this was, surprisingly, a standout. It presents the most interesting take on the character that I've read in a long time, turning the "one bad day" narrative on its head by emphasizing the Joker as a character defined by the negation of an originating narrative. The real highlights here, though, are the side stories that accompany each issue, giving great thematic juxtaposition but mostly just being darkly funny shorts in their own right. It does end up hitting a lot of the shortcomings of most superhero comics in 2023, though- there's a subplot with the Red Hood that doesn't contribute as much as it should, an annoying interjection by a crossover event I didn't read.. but looking past that, this was a good one the whole way through.

8. Jojolion

I almost didn't include this because I forgot that I read this all the way back in February! I do feel pretty strongly that this is Araki's most developed work (although Jojolands is shaping up to be a strong challenger)- it breaks away so dramatically from the storytelling conventions that have defined his career, keeping a lot of the superficial elements of a shonen but using them to tell a much more intimate and everyday kind of story. All of this comes through wonderfully in the art, where Araki's trend towards more and more unrealistically beautiful people meets a passion for grotesque violence and painstakingly detailed backgrounds, imbuing the whole work with a wonderful surreal feeling. The comic is governed by a tension between the highly graphic shonen elements and the comparative mundanity of the story around family and personal identity, and it threads that needle in a way that is so perfectly unique to Araki's style.

7. The Pervert

Honestly it's a surprise that it took me this long to read this, given how its become cemented as part of the "depressive trans girl indie" canon. Narratively its a gut-wrenching look at the interplay between isolation and sexuality in trans womens' lives, but what really elevated this for me was the use of very muted watercolors and consistent 2x6 panel grids to imbue the work with intense feelings of loneliness, punctuated by rare moments when the format gives way to these beautiful full-bleed pages. Fantastic stuff.

6. One! Hundred! Demons!

Honestly, I'm a little bit at a loss of what to say about this one: there's just so much going on. Lynda Barry's memoirs do an unbelievably effective job at building the texture of a childhood and adolescence, drawing us into a life that is sometimes very funny and sometimes deeply sad. Barry's unique cartoonish style is used to great effect; juxtaposing the limited worldview with which a child has to process their own experiences against text carrying the reinterpretations of an adult Barry. The whole thing has a very intimate tone, and while that feeling is underscored by Barry asking the reader to consider the precarious relationship between truth and fiction within a memoir; I feel that the admission of her own unreliability only enhances the personal qualities. Absent of the expectation that we are reading a chronicle of events as they happened, the work becomes much more interesting as a way of processing events as they are remembered.

5. Shimeji Simulation

It's a little awkward putting this here because I haven't finished it.. or read it since the summer... but it's such a masterful work. It takes the trappings of the slice of life 4koma in such interesting directions, where the mundanity of the genre and the negation of drama become diegetic forces governing the world. But its not really a story about that- the character of the older sister shows up from time to time to prod at the limits of the genre, but its secondary to the very touching Girls' Love story at the heart of the work. I'd love to say more about the intersection of these threads and how the work deals with the idea of normalcy as it relates to adolescence.. but its hard to give good takes when I haven't finished it! But! I've adored everything I've read so far.

4. Choujin X

If you wanted to point a finger at why Chainsaw Man is so low on this list, its because I read another ongoing madcap thriller with a ridiculous amount of gore: Sui Ishida's Choujin X. The story, about an organization of super-powered beings tasked with stopping other super-powered beings while trying to avoid being turned into monsters by their own powers, is nothing spectacularly new for the genre; what stands out is instead Ishida's artwork. The combination of sketchy stylized penwork and black and white photography give the series a gorgeous, unique look. And this isn't to say that the story is bad, either: there's a ton of personality to the characters and setting that make it a very very fun and interesting read above anything else.

3. X-Force (and its spinoff, X-Statix)

I'm not sure what surprises me more: that this seems to have been lost to the abyss of history, or that I loved this as much as I did. Milligan & Allred's run on X-Force and X-Statix is far from the only take on "what if superheroes were selfish assholes", but something about this really hooked me in a way that nothing like it really has. Maybe its the specific choice to apply early 2000s celebrity culture to the X-Men, maybe its the fact that the asshole superheroes in question still manage to be rich and compelling characters, maybe its the comedy of jumping from Rob Liefeld's "Cable shoots a bunch of guys and grimaces" to Milligan & Allred's neurotic wanna-be celebs with powers, or maybe i just have a really big crush on Dead Girl. One way or another, this has ended up being the standout hit for my sojourn back into superheroes (and its probably telling that my favorite superhero comic is the one that tries very hard to not be a superhero comic).

2. Maka Maka

There's an impulse to dismiss this offhand as just being lesbian porn, which it is; but aside from being really hot this manages to be one of the most interesting and endearing explorations of sexuality and intimacy I've read. There's no tension between the porniness and the maturity of the narrative here- its a work focused on the complexities of sex and desire that is just as intent on exploring those themes as it is on giving you something hot to read. Pretty undeniably one of the best girls' love works I've had the pleasure of reading.

1. Homestuck

I finally sat down and reread Homestuck this year, having originally read it from late 2014 until its conclusion in 2016, and flirted with rereading it now and then but never really committed, partly because of whatever drama surrounded it in any given year and more emphatically because its really long. But now I feel that I can say very strongly that Homestuck is a masterpiece. Given the scale of the work, there's so much that could be said about it: how it uses the format of a webcomic to its full potential by incorporating minigames, animations, changes to the site, & so on to convey narrative; how it plays with genre in a really interesting way by making genre conventions diegetic (not just with captchalogues &co but with things like Causality acting as a clear narrative thread for the cast to relate to); how effectively it captures being a teenager online at a certain point in time; or just how funny so much of it is. I'm extremely glad I read it this year, partly to be able to have an opinion about Homestuck that isn't informed by my teenage impressions and Tumblr discourse, but more than that because it was an extremely fun journey. At some point I'd like to write something longer about Homestuck and its place in comics because I do think that it is overdue for a reappraisal that is not overshadowed by the fandom.. but until then all I can say is that I loved this more than anything else I've read in a while.

And that's what I liked this year :3 As far as next year goes, I'm very excited to see where Dogsred and The Jojolands go, and I have hope that MamaYuyu could be really great if the writing gets a bit less rote. I've also liked the directions Frieren and Gokurakugai are heading, as well as the new Penguin series thats currently going. Hopefully, 2024 will also be the year that I sit myself down and finally read Berserk, which has been an embarrassing blank spot for me for the past few years. Unfortunately because I'm not on Twitter anymore, I'm less on the pulse of the cool Indies coming down the line, but I'm sure I'll get recommendations for the really good stuff from someone somewhere. And! Maybe if we're really good, Togashi will leave some new Hunter x Hunter chapters under the tree.

#long post

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womantoday · 2 years ago

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Darian Koszinski by Ben Hopper {2018}

“Shaving, epilating or waxing hurts. I was tired of suffering, trying to adapt to the image of a ‘beautiful young woman’ society is selling us. Everybody told me to shave. As a teenager, it’s a huge subject among girls; where do you shave? What method are you using? It takes so much time and costs so much money (the majority of hair removal products are also not recyclable). All of these reasons coming one after another motivated me to stop shaving. I would often have irritated skin after shaving and being a very sporty person, the sweat and the friction of my clothes would cause pain.

The worst thing was having sex on the second day after shaving my vulva. I didn’t understand why women would suffer and waste so much time on hiding who they really are.

It was hard to accept my new image. I am an ash blond, but have BLACK hairs on my legs, armpits and vulva. My legs were the worst; in addition to the long black hair, they’re quite muscly. It made it harder to accept my masculine look but I had a feeling that I needed to stop shaving so I could feel more like myself– accept myself as I really am.

Nowadays I love my hair. It definitely makes me feel stronger and in balance with myself. I like touching it and showing it. I sometimes even like to use it to provoke. I kind of enjoy the moments in the Metro; when people seem disturbed looking at my legs. I always hope other women and men can find us, naturally hairy women, as an inspiration.

There are all kind of reactions– people talking behind my back, curious friends asking for the reason, others who tell me that they love it and others making fun of it, or being disapproving. When I was 17 I had the idea that if I stopped shaving I’d only meet people who really like me and don’t care about these superficial norms of society. It worked out!

As a performer, having armpit hair is a huge subject! Once, a manager told me to shave and I did it. It was for a commercial performance (Le Tour de France à Voile). It felt so strange and I was sad to lose my armpit hair– it was like losing a part of my personality. I realised I didn’t like what my shaved armpits looked like anymore. It felt empty. Sometimes artistic directors recommend shaving for the stage; I pass, even if they don’t approve of my choice. I don’t shave for the stage anymore. I’m not on stage to fit into a particular image; I’m there because of my abilities. As an artist, I have responsibility to show what’s possible and to set an example for others. By showing my body hair on stage, I would like to stimulate and change people’s point of view. I’d like to motivate women to make their own choices. I feel sorry about one thing– when I still shaved, it was actually me who told my mother that she should shave too, as she didn’t before. Today, ironically, she continues to shave and is surprised that I do not.

I am really glad and thankful to be a part of this wonderful project! I’d like to send everyone a lot of warm strong hugs full of love!”

#Darian Koszinski #circus #acrobat #sportswoman #quotes #no shave #gender roles #feminism #black & white #people #self esteem

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my-gf-is-kazuichi-soda · 1 year ago

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The Kazuichi and Papyrus au I have is not just a wacky idea btw. It came to me when I realized that they are both autistic characters misrepresented by their fandoms for their autistic traits.

*btw if you're knew here, I headcanon Kazuichi as a trans girl and use she/her pronouns for the character. You'll have to get used to it.

*also, before it gets pointed out to me, Kazuichi is "canonically a 'stalker' " (in a loose sense of the word, she's a kid who has followed and spied on another kid she had a crush on during a school trip), but many other characters in Danganronpa are also stalkers and are more easily forgiven/forgotten by the fandom, including every Danganronpa protagonist. Autistic people, especially KIDS, can have trouble understanding boundaries, and nobody in the game actually approaches Kazuichi about this and tells her it's wrong, they just insult or make fun of her for being a weirdo. If an autistic person needs to be #cancelled for making neurotypicals uncomfortable, then...that cancels most autistic people, including myself. Autistic people deserve a chance to learn from their mistakes. And yes Kazuichi was also unfairly mean at times. Like I said she was on edge and scared all the time. It is not an excuse but it didnt warrant the harsh fandom treatment.

---

Kazuichi is an autistic person who's reaching her fucking limit. She has to perform hypermasculine behavior to keep herself safe, she tries to be a cool fun extroverted guy but her act is always falling apart, she has constant meltdowns, she is mean sometimes to get people to back off and stop hurting her, she is visibly frustrated that people dont appreciate her hard work and just see her as a weirdo. She publicly and vocally expresses how lonely she is and how much she wants people to like her. And thus she is villainized for her worst moments. And called an asshole. And an idiot. And a manchild. And pathetic for her loneliness and unrequited crush. And people assume malicious intent from everything she does. They call her a creep. They call her a freak. Have I mentioned that she's a kid? Because she is a kid! Parts of the fandom say they want to bully her. She gets fanart (that is NOT meant to be sympathetic) where she is openly excluded from her friendgroup, on the sidelines looking sad while they have fun without her, or her friends say the most horrible shit to her and gang up on her to kick her while she's on the floor crying. No this is not missing context, this fanart never has context of her doing *anything* to provoke this treatment, aside from sometimes asking her unrequited crush on a date, and yes it almost always is her asking her crush in a more innocent way than the games did, only to have their reaction be uncharacteristically cruel (I swear I could make a post about how Sonia gets mischaracterized and villainized this way while the fandom ironically thinks they are giving Sonia "girl power", barf).

Papyrus is an autistic person who puts on a similar, cool guy act, though is way better at it because he is not at his fucking limit. Even if he is depressed like everyone else from being underground, he is in a calm peaceful town where people mostly leave him alone and he is allowed to express his weird interests and be silly. He is not on guard all the time like Kazuichi. He feels comfortable and safe but still very lonely, but even when he vocalizes this loneliness he puts on an optimistic attitude, so it gets ignored or put in a superficial light. He makes himself and everyone else feel better with his optimism, but that optimism, combined with his weird behavior, makes some people think he is clueless. They call him silly. And an idiot. And a manchild. They think he cant take care of himself. They assume he is silly and dumb in everything he does. They ignore the moments that dont fit their narrow view of him as an always-happy, doesnt-know-what-sadness-is ignorant manchild. Parts of the fandom act like his overly-controlling parents. They dont let him swear or know what sex is or defend himself in a fight or do anything that an adult is capable of.

The way Kazuichi is treated is often how autistic people get treated when they are visibly frustrated, have meltdowns, make social blunders that hurt others, and make people uncomfortable. The way Papyrus is treated is often how autistic people get treated when they feel safer to be themselves, when they are fun for others to be around, when they make social blunders that make others laugh + dont hurt other people or make them uncomfortable, when they hide and downplay their loneliness and frustrations. And most autistic people have been both of them at some points in their life.

But the takeaway from this is that the treatment you deserve should not depend on how well you can hide your frustrations, how well you can handle social situations, mask your weirdness, how you appear to others, how you appease neurotypicals. Kazuichi deserves to be able to reach a safe feeling and be able to drop her guard and she deserves to be able to have her accomplishments recognized and be appreciated not just for how hard she works but for how sweet she is, because she is a really nice person when she's not spending her energy defending herself against bullies. She deserves to have friends and a partner or partners that love her back instead of being doomed by the narrative to chase people who dont understand or care about her. And she is NOT stupid, she is judged by the wrong standards. Papyrus deserves to be taken seriously and to get in the royal guard (or another respectable title for monsters if the royal guard is dismantled), he deserves to be taken seriously as an adult even when he's weird and silly, he deserves to reach a point where he doesnt have to act optimistic about the future because it's already gotten better. And he's not stupid either.

#negative #kazuichi soda #kazuichi souda #papyrus #undertale #actually autistic #danganronpa 2 #sdr2 #wow I went off a few weeks ago and then forgot about it #rant #long post #the characters are not canonically autistic. actually autistic tag is bc I am irl autistic

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morallygay · 6 months ago

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can u tell me what u mean about your rb unsubbing from kurtis conner bc i literally feel the exact same way and have for like a year at this point so i'm curious what you think about him

sure! my true main problem with him is basically expressed by that post about not trusting people whose entire thing is making fun of stuff/others. he's just become a lot more mean spirited in his content. just for the sake of content. not long ago i was made to watch 2 recent videos of his (the 'wife doesn't know about the wedding' or w/e and the 'guys pretending to be monkeys') and he just constantly is looking for completely harmless things to mock. it makes me very uncomfortable. i have especially strong principles on this topic since it has an important reach and implications; the thing where someone will hypocritically treat the exact same thing as good and normal, or 'degenerate', 'evil' or 'dangerous' depending on how they want to treat the person/people doing the thing, often without realizing the double standards at all. the psychology behind it is pretty simple and understandable, but it's still a bad road to find yourself going farther into, and that's what i've observed with his channel.

it also feels like he's deep into the well of internet people pleasing. you know the twitter purity culture, fear of saying the slightest wrong thing that could make you #cancelled. he's always virtue signaling. sometimes incoherently. which is how you can tell this is what's happening; he's just superficially repeating the Socially Accepted Morally Good Opinions without seemingly always understanding why they're the morally good one. this is connected to the last point. again understandable and natural, i don't think he's a Bad Person for either of those, just one with a disappointing backbone. morality aside it does also make the videos feel inauthentic and annoying.

there's also this fact that i've heard (but it's easily verifiable, altho i haven't done it myself) that he took at least 1 sponsor from betterhelp after he should very reasonably be aware of the company's controversies given how viral they became in the progressive circles of the internet he is a part of, and many of his followers have told him and explained not to take sponsors from betterhelp, and afaik he has stayed silent about all of this. this is actually harmful and very disappointing.

lastly and unimportantly part of it is also that i simply changed myself.

#kurtis conner #moralgayness

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chenxhen · 8 months ago

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Being Above Average but of Average Social Standing

The Tao that can be trodden is not the enduring and unchanging Tao. The Tao-Path is not the All-Tao. The Name is not the Thing named. - Laozi, Tao Te Ching

I know I'm intelligent. I've never done an IQ test, because I believe it's just another unnecessary box people are placed into. But, growing up, I've been told by teachers and other intelligent people that I'm intelligent. I've always thought school was too easy, and was recommended into gifted programs. Everything from Math to English, I was either top of the class or close to the top. And I know I'm intelligent as well. I see it in the way I think and convey my thoughts.

Apart from academic excellence, I also have many talents. My parents were very adamant on making me a "cultured" individual. I was placed into various extracurricular classes ever since I was four or five years old. Dance, visual arts, and vocal lessons were the ones I enjoyed the most, and also the ones that came most naturally to me. I also love to read and write prose and poetry. I grew up performing, and honing these skills. I'm very self-critical (another quality of intelligence), so I would always try to improve. I believe in the capacity of any human being to be able to do what any other human being can do. Of course, there are certain limitations resulting from our genes, but we're still all human beings. If one tries hard enough, the limits are boundless.

I'm also quite good-looking. I've received many compliments, and I'm very confident in my appearance. I also dress well, work out, and take care of myself to maintain my appearance.

And to add on top of all of this, I'm not a boring prude either. I know how to have fun. I'm quite witty, and I love to be silly.

Now, I'm not saying all of this to boast. I'm not perfect, and I'm certainly not the best at everything. I can't play an instrument, sometimes it takes me a while to feel the beat of a song, I don't speak the most eloquently, and I certainly don't have model-like good looks. I'm aware of this. I see when other people are better in these ways. I always compliment people where they deserve to be. I was raised to be modest, humble, and to see the good in others. I'm just very well-rounded, and as a whole above average.

Why does this matter, and why am I speaking on all of this? Well, despite excelling in many ways, I come from a very humble family, finances wise. As a result, my opportunities in life were always limited. Another crutch to this reality is that I'm a first generation immigrant. My parents and I came to Canada in 2007, after I had just completed first grade in China. We came here with very little money, and my parents had to restart their lives. They worked lower middle class or working class jobs to make ends meet. Our connections were limited to people in these sectors of society as well. The focus was always on making more money and climbing up the social ladder. This is why going to a good university, getting a good degree, a good job, and making a lot of money is so important to us. However, it created many problems for my up-bringing.

My family was dysfunctional, the pressure was on me to dig us out of a hole I wasn't a part of digging, and I had very few friends. I had nothing material to show for my excellence. I'm also a female, with quite the baby face. People like to judge. Humans are superficial. And we create expectations of others in our minds out of these incorrect prejudices. When people first look at me, they more often than not think I'll be a weak, demure, and simple girl. They won't expect me to have all the abilities I hold. Whenever there's a disconnect between a person's expectations and realities, discomfort arises. It triggers a fight or flight response, because there's a sense of unfamiliarity and fear. The disconnect I cause in people's minds is probably quite great. People either love me or hate me because of it. All of this meant I had very little support from the people I most wanted support from - my family and my peers. I was intimidating to most people my age, and my family had very little time or money to spare me.

As a result, I've always felt pressured to prove myself. There has always been such a great weight on my shoulders to do anything that would show people just how great I am, and what I can achieve beyond people's expectations of me. Eventually, I became drained. It's not easy when I'm able to see past what's in front of me and onto the bigger picture. I'm constantly helping others, when I lack the most support. I won't lie, some of this I did create for myself, because people just don't stimulate my brain enough, or aren't able to match up to me, and I don't feel comfortable asking those I consider "weaker" than me for help.

At the age of 18, I began losing my mind to it all. I had very little friends - if any I considered close, I wasn't doing what I wanted, and I became depressed. I had just gotten into university, but it quickly dawned on me that this wasn't what I wanted at all. I was doing all of this in search of something that was in actuality meaningless to me. I don't care about money or status. All I want is to live a simple life, and let the days pass me by stress-free. I transferred out of several university programs, dropped out completely, and went to college instead. It made me feel incredibly insecure. Now I had absolutely nothing to show for who I am on the inside. I was back at square one. It felt like my life was starting over. This feeling only brought me down more. I felt like a failure, and I began to lose my way.

Today, I'm settling back into who I am. I don't have to prove anything to anyone. The future seems incredibly uncertain, but there's one thing I'm incredibly certain of - who I am and my value. I'm incredibly valuable. It sucks that most people just won't ever see that. But, I have accepted it for what it is. Society is made for the average person, and those who are on par with me will see me for all that I am. I just have to continue to be my best self, and hope for a future where I'm not taken for granted. Results are what matter, not the journey.

If you are average, I'm telling you to be grateful for being average. It's the luckiest thing a person can be in this society. However, I won't ever dumb myself down to fit in. The results will be shown in my satisfaction with life, and self-actualization (a little Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs reference to end this off).

Best to everyone.

Love, Chenchen ♡

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alexandraisyes · 11 months ago

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@starheirxero

So many tags oh my!

Firstly, sincerely, seeing everyone (like 12 people but shhh) enjoy these ramblings of a madman has truly made my day. It was so fun to sit down and read the tags you added, and then read them again... and then again... and maybe a fourth time hehe, gotta get that extra dopamine.

Congratulations, of course, are in order for reaching to the end and finding the hidden password. That's a whole 13 pages, almost 6000 words. I can only imagine how long it took to sit down and read all of that. I can however tell one how long it took to sit down and write all of that haha.

Jokes aside, I'm glad you enjoyed my analysis. Some people in my more superficial circles are encouraging me to do similar analyses on the rest of the characters I plan to use in Twisted Celestials, and I most likely will due to the benefit that comes as an author with dissecting the characters you intend to write about. So, nine more analyses for me to accomplish, and nine more analyses for you to look forward to.

I'm secondly glad that I'm not the only one who was suspecting he had a personality disorder. I do think, that had anyone else tried to capture this, and capture him, they would have fallen short due to the simple lack of understanding around ASPD. You have to live the life of a sociopath to understand a sociopath, and even then the majority of us don't know or understand that we have a disorder, and those who do generally are content to just stay the way they are. This only leaves a small percentage of the rest of us, and doing further math and the like, considering how rare ASPD is to form, etc... because there are very specific things that cause it to form in a person.

Namely, neglect during the most crucial time of formation during our lives. The first part of our lives, as humans, are those years between birth and around three years old. I'm not going to disclose my own trauma and situations that caused the formation of ASPD in myself, but I have the benefit of being able to step back where almost no one else can, and go "Yep, that's the perfect breeding ground for a disorder"

Because when you look at it, of course Sun and Moon didn't mean to neglect him, abandon him, or leave him confused... helpless... trapped. They didn't even know he existed, Moon never thought to check on Sun after they split, to look and see how that code he left was doing. I believe he knew that there was a high probability of his actions coming back to bite him in the ass, but he didn't want to both: - A; Take accountability and acknowledge what he did - B; Have the code, have to deal with Sun having the code, but also deal with the process of getting rid of the code

And of course, I went through recovery and redemption ideas for our favorite angry dorito. It doesn't make sense to outline a character who is struggling so bad, and was finally looking like he was going to change and reflect, and then not outline how they can improve. A lot of the stuff I listed for recovery are directly reflected by my own life, and intensive cognitive behavior therapy that I had to undergo when I reached a point that I could no longer be reasonably contained by rules and regulations my poor parents were trying to enforce. When it comes to people with ASPD, punishment will rarely work. We won't understand why we are being punished, because we don't feel any guilt, or a desire to correct things most of the time. (There are obviously exceptions to this rule, but generally only when it involves someone we care very deeply for.)

Because a discipline system doesn't work, a reward system is a better alternative. But the best alternative is a rationality/logicality system where you sit them down and outline how the person with ASPD is hurting themselves in the long run by their actions. (We love rationalizing, you'll get a lot farther with someone with ASPD with cold logic than you will with emotions). Which, again, as we see, no one really tries to rationalize with Eclipse. Moon does, a couple times, and lo and behold Eclipse listens. But when the others try to reason with him, they use emotion. "Don't you see you're hurting me? Others?"

Eclipse doesn't give a fuck Sun, sorry. You can't make him come around by appealing to emotions that he doesn't understand, and that he feels on a much smaller scale than you do. I think if people rationalized with him more, there would have been less issues. As I mentioned, and as you further pointed out, Earth also isn't going to be able to reason with Eclipse. Her whole thing is emotions. Guess who doesn't know jack all about emotions? (If you guessed Eclipse you're right).

He needs to be taught. Preferably he needs to be taught by someone who can understand him. Solar is the best candidate. After that I'm going to argue that Sun would be second best, simply because past Solar, he knows Eclipse better than anyone else. He knows that Eclipse is mortal, that he can hurt Eclipse, and he's gotten over a lot of his fear of Eclipse. He's not going to let Eclipse walk all over him either, as we saw in the last handful of Eclipse episodes, Sun was done with his bullshit. But also, Sun knows a lot of red flags that Eclipse has because Sun has these red flags. Sun has had to beat these red flags to the ground. Not to mention just bad habits, bad anxiety, and paranoia that both Sun and Eclipse have always shared. I'd even go as far as to say that Eclipse inherited them from Sun.

When I see people try to tackle giving Eclipse a redemption arc, they always pair him with Sun as the support, and I'm all here for it. I would like to see a fic that focuses on Solar and Eclipse, but since they are uh.... not exactly coexisting in the show (Eclipse is poofed when Solar comes to the og reality to live there) I don't think anyone has really considered it. I'm also going to put it out that Eclipse should not be given Lunar as support if he gets brought back. Those two have given each other so much trauma it will be an automatic dumpster fire as long as they both know exactly what's up. Eclipse killed Lunar and was... not great to him even when he did care because while he did care about Lunar, he was also trying to get Lunar to function as a temporary means to an end. So... manipulation, yay. And then Lunar up and ditched Eclipse, going to the two people who have hurt Eclipse so fucking badly and the worst part is it was all an accident that started this whole shebang. But yeah, Eclipse is 100% not okay about that, and it's gonna take a lot of work for him to get over the betrayal that just showed him it's not worth it to care about people.

On the tags about mental health portrayal and discussion - I'm so sorry if other people have been weirdly ableist about these characters. I really hope not, because I haven't seen any so far, past having to nudge people when they use the wrong psychological terminology to describe characters. Like, people call Eclipse a psychopath...? This confuses me because he's absolutely not a psychopath, and anyone who understands even the basics of personality disorders would know that. Of course, how many people understand personality disorders? I'm glad that I didn't come off as weird about this, however! I try to be as accurate as possible when displaying information, doubly so when it's something I have. It would be counter-productive to spread misinformation about my own disorder, haha.

Lastly, don't be afraid to use text wall me next time, no need to confine yourself to the tags lmao. I love interacting with people about this stuff, not just fandom stuff, but also character analysis and psychology stuff. And I did have an epic day thanks to you (did you read the part where I read your tags four maybe five times?).

Eclipse Character Analysis (Sun and Moon Show)

Alternate Title: Why I'm 95% sure Eclipse is a sociopath

A hopefully unnecessary disclaimer: - One, hi, hello I am a sociopath, I do know what I'm talking about. This also means that a lot of what I notice and will describe about Eclipse are similar or the same as my own experiences living life in this mortal realm. What I will touch on in the "redemption" section is heavily based on the kind of intensive treatment I had to get in order to improve my behavior when I was younger, so it's important to note that while Eclipse will never be able to change his personality (like how I can't change mine, and you can't change yours), he can change his thought patterns, mentality, and behavior. The saying that "sociopaths can't change" is specifically talking about how we can't change our personality, which is true for everyone. That doesn't mean we can't learn to function better in civilized society or be taught emotional awareness and morals. - Two, hi, hello this is just what I've noticed and does not mean it's canon unless Reed or Davis themselves come onto my Tumblr and go "Yes, this, this is what is correct", and even then, you're allowed to have your own opinions and views on these characters. I'm just theorizing here - Three, hi, hello I'm also a psychology student so I also know what I'm talking about in that regard too. I've been studying psychology and general medicine for three and a half years now, so I like to think I have some idea of what I'm talking about - Four, I use the terms sociopath, ASPD, sociopathic disorder, and anti-social personality disorder interchangeably since they all describe the same personality disorder - Five, this analysis is long, I cover the basics, an in depth, some potential scenarios, a redemption arc possibility, and some other thoughts I have about him. - Six, I made this disclaimer to address any potential misunderstandings, or harmful stereotypes that I tend to be confronted with any time I talk about ASPD. Now onto the good stuff!

Too Long; Won't Read - Here's a Summary

Attachment and Pride: Eclipse initially cared about Lunar, and his reaction to Lunar leaving suggests a fragile pride. His inability to connect with others is evident in his strained relationships with KC and Bloodmoon.

Masking Emotions: Eclipse keeps his darker thoughts to himself at the beginning, and throughout the show as well. He masks both his emotions, and his intentions throughout the show, and is careful not to show when people have upset or offended him. This behavior stems from a learned experience that letting his guard down leads to resentment.

Manipulation and Brash Communication: Eclipse is straightforward and brash when expressing thoughts, feelings, or opinions. He employs manipulation when needed but is mostly disinterested in others.

Boredom and Stimulation: He seeks reactions from people, often causing chaos for entertainment. Boredom, especially when stuck as an AI, prompts him to instigate situations for amusement.

Lack of Empathy: He also appears to lack empathy, as evidenced by his inability to understand emotions and his focus on getting reactions rather than connecting with others.

Touch Aversion: Eclipse's lack of physical affection aligns with the common aversion to touch seen in individuals with ASPD.

Remorse and Growth: Eclipse shows remorse only in instances where he hurts Lunar in the beginning of the show, indicating a potential area for growth. A redemption arc could explore his struggles without completely erasing his apparent sociopathic nature.

Writer's note: A thoughtful portrayal of Eclipse's sociopathy, should my theory touch on the truth, if continued in a storyline, could provide an authentic exploration of mental health challenges and personal growth. Care should be taken to avoid stereotypes (DON'T USE GOOGLE FOR INFORMATION ABOUT THIS I BEG)

Putting Him Under a Microscope - Full Analysis

1. Attachment and Pride:

Eclipse's initial connection with Lunar suggests a potential attachment, a notable aspect in individuals with ASPD who can form (highly) selective bonds. However, Lunar's departure significantly impacts Eclipse's pride. This reaction aligns with the fragile self-esteem often observed in those with ASPD. The departure becomes a perceived personal betrayal, triggering Eclipse's defensive response.

In individuals with ASPD, relationships often serve specific purposes, and Eclipse's attachment to Lunar may have been driven by a combination of genuine connection but also very clearly the utility Lunar provided in fulfilling certain needs or desires. (Which was helping Eclipse get the star of course)

Moreover, Eclipse's struggle with connecting to others, evident in strained relationships with KC and Bloodmoon, is a characteristic of ASPD. Individuals with this disorder often face challenges in forming and maintaining meaningful relationships due to their limited capacity for empathy and understanding of emotional nuances.

2. Masking Emotions:

Eclipse's tendency to keep darker thoughts to himself reflects a common coping mechanism associated with ASPD. Individuals with this disorder often learn to conceal their true emotions early on due to negative experiences when expressing genuine feelings. This learned behavior serves as a protective measure against potential backlash or social rejection.

The fear of vulnerability and subsequent consequences aligns with the interpersonal difficulties faced by those with ASPD. Eclipse's decision to hide his less socially acceptable thoughts is a strategic choice aimed at avoiding conflict and maintaining control over his image.

Professionally, the concealment of darker thoughts is recognized as a defense mechanism in individuals with ASPD. This protective facade, or 'mask,' becomes an integral part of their social interactions, allowing them to navigate social situations with greater ease. However, this constant need to mask one's true feelings can contribute to internal struggles and further isolate individuals with ASPD from genuine emotional connections.

One may ask, what 'darker thoughts' did Eclipse show, or receive backlash for? Well, let's see, when he was stuck in Sun for the beginning of his life, he was first confused, a bit scared, and completely disoriented. He was forgotten, and during the first parts we can see him trying to reconnect with Moon, however, his delivery, as individuals with ASPD tend to do, was brash. It didn't sugar coat what he wanted, and considering his earlier transgressions previously, they weren't taken well in the slightest. Instead of Moon trying to genuinely talk and explain, all he provided Eclipse with was "I changed, and you didn't." and in general was very annoyed and irate with Eclipse. There were several times during the beginning of Eclipse, where there could have been progress made with him, to help him work through his issues, his internalized fear of being forgotten again, and the accidental neglect, that just… didn't happen. Because Sun and Moon saw him as a virus.

Moon because Moon saw himself as a virus, so what else would he think of something that originated in his code, and acted like he used to? Acted like he still sometimes did, parts of himself that he didn't like about himself, living and breathing once again in the mind of his brother. Corrupting him.

And of course, Sun because he was just so tired and hurt and he finally thought he could have something only for this ball of code to make itself known? This peice of his brother that was left behind, that was formed from Moon's killcode? That was constructed from Moon's literal need to lash out, hurt others, and kill. I'm honestly a little horrified that this is never touched on in the show, because people aren't just born to be awful, that's not how this works. There were so many opportunities where toxic and awful behavior could have been stopped if it was handled properly.

Of course, I'm not blaming Sun and Moon. It's hard to help someone who doesn't understand they need help, and as a result the person won't want help either. Plus, they've said it themselves in the episodes where Lunar had returned from the dead. They were never programmed to understand mental health issues, and they have a hard enough time grasping the concepts of their own mental health issues to deal with other peoples. Especially other people who are actively hurting them, it's hard to feel sympathy for someone who causes you harm as far as I'm aware. (I personally wouldn't know)

But back to my main point, there absolutely were times in the beginning where Eclipse was just honest about his wants and desires, and was shown disgust and hatred for it. Which would absolutely make him be prone to masking, which he does a lot in the show from what I can tell.

3. Manipulation and Brash Communication:

Eclipse's communication style, characterized by being brash and straightforward, aligns with the speech patterns and tendencies often associated with ASPD. When he's not trying to pull a fast one over someone, he's very blunt, and he doesn't beat around the bush. Individuals with this disorder may utilize manipulation as a means to achieve personal goals or navigate social situations, but without a reason to sugar coat, they won't. Although sometimes not sugar coating is also employed as a manipulation tactic, which makes it tricky navigating conversation at times with sociopaths. Eclipse's lack of hesitation in employing manipulation reflects the calculated nature of his interactions, as we see him smoothly switch between fronts, acts he puts on to get people to agree with him.

His disinterest in others, apart from exploiting them for personal gain, is consistent with the self-serving behaviors commonly observed in sociopaths. The use of manipulation as a tool for control and amusement is a manifestation of the disorder's impact on interpersonal dynamics. When he contacts Moon for help with Killcode, even then he has his own motives that are only helped by Moon being distracted with Killcode, as well as having KC out of the picture.

Professionally, manipulation is recognized as a prominent feature of ASPD. Individuals with this disorder may lack the ability to form genuine emotional connections and, instead, view relationships as transactional opportunities. Eclipse's interactions, particularly with Sun and Moon, exemplify this transactional approach, where he derives amusement from creating chaos. This last bit (amusment) is important, and I'll cover it next.

Before I pop on over, this is where I'd like to touch on Servant Eclipse. He is very crafty, and very manipulative, but it doesn't fool Lunar, who he clearly cares about to some degree. (Again, will say it as many times as needed, people with ASPD can care about people, it's just a lot of effort at first, doesn't come naturally, and is reserved for a select few). Lunar in this reality probably knows Eclipse inside and out, and isn't fooled by the not very convincing "I'm just a husk now" act Eclipse is playing out with. I suspect that Eclipse also is aware the Lunar isn't fooled, but it amuses him to some degree to keep up the game. I can only imagine serving a "Lord Lunar" is a fairly excitable life, and it's unlikely he's extensively bored. He's also just as brash as the OG Eclipse, and doesn't sugar coat the truth, or tries to ease Gregory into topics.

4. Boredom and Stimulation:

Eclipse's constant quest for stimulation and amusement, even at the expense of creating chaos, reflects a key characteristic of individuals with ASPD. Boredom intolerance is common in this population, leading to a perpetual need for excitement and novel experiences. (Can speak from experience, I spend about 4-6 hours every day bored out of my freaking mind and it's absolutely torture - which is why I draw so much)

The portrayal of Eclipse as being "bored out of his mind" when stuck as an AI in KC's base underscores the challenge individuals with ASPD face in mundane or monotonous situations. The need for stimulation is a driving force behind their impulsive and sometimes risky behaviors. There's a certain kind of restlessness, and impulsivity associated with ASPD, very much an act before you think, get defensive when confronted, and maybe think about it two days later on the very small chance it triggers a sense of morals/remorse. (Then probably forget it happened, cause we are very good at not caring enough to remember half the stuff we do. This isn't a choice, by the way, people with sociopathic disorder just aren't wired to feel strong emotions like guilt and shame.)

Professionally, this behavior aligns with the clinical understanding of ASPD. Individuals with the disorder often engage in sensation-seeking activities to counteract feelings of boredom and emotional emptiness. Eclipse's enjoyment in hacking Moon's computer, causing reactions from Moon and Lunar, serves as an outlet for his need for stimulation and disruption, as well as fulfills other purposes in starting a conversation with Moon about KC.

And of course, now I get to touch on my two favorite things that just drill this in. When OG Eclipse gets the star… what does he do? He torments Sun and Moon instead of wiping everything away, and I'm aware this is mostly because he doens't have mastery over the star. But what does Sun say, when Eclipse shows up to torment them on top of the play structure. Something along the lines of, You're just bored at this point? Is that it?

And what does Eclipse do? He leaves. Because Sun is absolutely right, and it probably stings his ego to have someone he so fully has convinced himself of hating to be right about him. Even before he gets the star… just how much effort did he really put into getting the star? Sure, he had this big plan, but I think he was aware that the 'perfect world' would never make him happy to start with; he just felt the need to be something larger than life, so of course you must set the largest goals to achieve in order to be that. He could have gotten the star so much faster lets be honest. I fully believe he was just having too much fun messing with Sun and Moon, because it gave a reaction, and the reactions to his actions were exciting, breaking his boredom. He was bored a lot, stuck in Sun's head, stuck in Sun's body and pretending to be Sun, stuck as an AI, stuck with Solar Flare's AI fighting him, stuck being unable to use the star…….. seeing a pattern yet?

And of course, my second favorite thing. Lord Eclipse. Moon full out calls him out on how bored Eclipse is, and Eclipse first tries to deny it, then sees no tactical advantage to denying it, and admits that yeah, he is bored. He's been bored for ages and Moon is the first exciting thing in what feels like forever. He's not happy in his perfect world, but he isn't going to change is because that would cut his pride for Sun and Moon to be right about what he wants and needs after so many years. So many years of his Moon being dead. Of having Sun as an obedient servant, bound to his beck and call. He's bored, and it shows, and he knows that it shows.

5. Lack of Empathy:

Eclipse's consistent inability to understand and empathize with the emotions of others aligns with a central feature of Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD). Individuals with ASPD often struggle with recognizing and comprehending the feelings of those around them.

His focus on getting reactions rather than forming genuine connections reflects the hallmark trait of lacking empathy. Eclipse's interactions with Sun, Moon, and Lunar highlight his detached and indifferent approach, as he manipulates situations purely for personal amusement without regard for the emotional impact on others.

Professionally, the deficit in empathy is a well-documented aspect of ASPD. Those with the disorder may comprehend others' situations on a cognitive level but struggle to grasp the emotional nuances involved. Eclipse's inability to understand why Lunar is upset and his constant pursuit of reactions underscore the emotional disconnect inherent in individuals with ASPD.

Eclipse's interactions with Lunar provide a poignant illustration of his consistent lack of empathy. Despite a seemingly genuine attachment to Lunar in the beginning, Eclipse's emotional disconnect becomes evident as Lunar leaves. The impact of Lunar's departure on Eclipse's pride and subsequent defensive reaction highlights the absence of genuine understanding of Lunar's emotions. Eclipse struggles to comprehend the significance of Lunar's departure beyond a perceived personal betrayal, showcasing a lack of empathy toward Lunar's perspective.

Moreover, Eclipse's manipulation and attempts to provoke reactions from Lunar, even after Lunar has left, underscore his disregard for the emotional toll on Lunar. This behavior aligns with the typical patterns seen in individuals with ASPD, where the pursuit of personal amusement takes precedence over the emotional well-being of others.

Eclipse's inability to process and acknowledge his own damaged ego resulting from Lunar's departure further emphasizes his lack of emothional understanding. He doesn't want to admit that Lunar hurt him, so instead he just continues to shut it down, bottle it up, and let it churn into hatred instead of looking at what he did wrong. His resentment and refusal to acknowledge the emotional impact on Lunar highlight the emotional blindness inherent in individuals with ASPD, especially in the context of complex interpersonal relationships.

6. Touch Aversion:

Eclipse's noticeable lack of physical affection, as both seen throughout the show, and mentioned when Lunar clings to Sun and states that Eclipse never showed him physical affection, aligns with a common trait among individuals with ASPD. Touch aversion is a characteristic feature, as those with the disorder often lack the intrinsic desire for physical closeness or intimacy.

Eclipse's minimal physical interaction, even in what could be perceived as emotionally charged moments, is consistent with the general pattern observed in individuals with ASPD. The absence of hugging or comforting gestures suggests a limited appreciation for the emotional needs of others.

Professionally, touch aversion is recognized as part of the interpersonal challenges associated with ASPD. Individuals with this disorder may not instinctively seek physical connection unless it serves a specific purpose, such as manipulation or personal gain. Eclipse's avoidance of physical affection adds a layer to his character, illustrating how his interpersonal behaviors align with the clinical understanding of ASPD.

This aspect of Eclipse's character contributes to a nuanced portrayal of the disorder, showcasing how the lack of tactile expression can impact the dynamics of his relationships, particularly in situations where emotional support is expected. (Like seriously, even Sun and Moon hug when one of them are having an awful day, but Eclipse? He literally doesn't seem to understand why Lunar craves positive physical touch so bad, because he just… doesn't feel the need himself. You can never fully understand something you experience, and it's not like people were explaining these basic needs and wants to Eclipse… ever.)

7. Remorse and Growth:

Eclipse's occasional display of remorse, particularly in instances where he has harmed Lunar, offers a glimpse into a facet of his character that deviates from the (BAD DOWNRIGHT AWFUL) stereotypical image associated with ASPD. While individuals with ASPD are often poorly and harmfully characterized/stereotyped by a complete lack of guilt or remorse, Eclipse's moments of internal conflict suggest a degree of emotional complexity.

Professionally, the intermittent remorse aligns with the recognition that individuals with ASPD may experience moments of internal conflict, especially in relationships that hold personal significance. Eclipse's struggle with whether to apologize after hitting Lunar reveals a brief internal debate, questioning the severity of his actions against Lunar's emotional response.

However, Eclipse's ultimate decision not to apologize, driven by his failure to perceive the significance of Lunar's distress, reinforces the inherent challenges in navigating emotional landscapes for those with ASPD. This internal conflict and eventual dismissal of remorse contribute to a more realistic portrayal of the disorder, highlighting the ongoing tension between impulsive actions and moments of potential introspection.

Should Eclipse undergo a redemption arc, these moments of internal conflict could serve as a foundation for growth, illustrating that while individuals with ASPD may grapple with moments of remorse, their ability to sustain lasting change remains a complex and challenging journey. Of course, I'm going to cover this as well.

Redemption and Recovery

Eclipse's potential redemption could be approached with an understanding that a complete overhaul of his personality is near impossible, because as psychology has shown, you don't just change your personality. However, nuanced growth and positive change within the framework of his behaviors and thought patterns can be explored.

Increased Self-Awareness: Eclipse could undergo a process of heightened self-awareness, acknowledging the impact of his actions on others. This could involve introspection into the motivations behind his behaviors and the consequences they entail. This won't be something he does on his own, he's going to need someone behind him, pushing him to be better. Preferably someone who has no majorly poor history with him for the best results.

Therapeutic Support: In a realistic redemption arc, Eclipse might engage in therapy tailored to individuals with ASPD. This could involve developing coping mechanisms, enhancing emotional intelligence, and learning healthier ways to navigate interpersonal relationships. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a very affective type of therapy for people with personality disorders, or collections of disorders that combined provide the complications of a personality disorder.

Recognizing the Value of Relationships: Eclipse could gradually come to recognize the value of genuine connections beyond their utility. This may involve acknowledging the significance of relationships for emotional support and personal growth. This is going to be a process, and he will mess up. He will forget. It's something he will have to choose to work with in order for it to work, and even then he will make mistakes. It will be important to have patience with him, and instead of lashing out (cause that can cause a spiral back into poor behavior), working on these slip ups with him, and helping him relearn the significance of correcting it when he messes up.

Empathy Development: A full restoration of empathy is be unrealistic, Eclipse could work on developing cognitive empathy—understanding others' perspectives intellectually, even if not emotionally. This could improve his ability to navigate social situations more effectively. (This is what I do! <:happy_stim:867544047735275521>)

Establishing Boundaries: He should learn to set healthy boundaries in his relationships, understanding that manipulating and exploiting others for personal gain may provide short-term satisfaction but is detrimental in the long run.

Contributing Positively: As part of his redemption, he could find avenues to contribute positively to others' lives. This could involve utilizing his unique skills for constructive purposes, fostering a sense of accomplishment outside of manipulative endeavors.

Maintaining Accountability: Eclipse's growth would involve a commitment to being accountable for his actions. This includes acknowledging mistakes, making amends where possible, and actively working towards minimizing harm to others.

Embracing Personal Growth: Eclipse's redemption arc could focus on embracing personal growth within the constraints of his personality. It's about acknowledging that while he may not fundamentally change, he can adapt and evolve to lead a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Potential Future Scenario: Eclipse Apologizes

Brought to you by someone saying that Lunar would refuse Eclipse trying to apologize, but I respectfully disagree, and here's why.

I think that if Eclipse ever does apologize to Lunar, Lunar would have literally no choice but to accept, because we’ve seen early on that he does not apologize

To genuinely apologize and acknowledge his wrongdoing would be major character development that would take a lot of time and struggle to get to that point, based on my theories/analysis about him

So by the time he can actually, truthfully apologize, there would be evidence to prove his struggle with his own twisted nature, and probably how he failed at times during the journey, and had set backs and road bumps. The others would have most likely seen the effects and effort it takes to learn to change for him, and would most likely acknowledge that he’s being truthful.

If Lunar doesn’t accept at that point, if it ever got to that point, Lunar would be acting irrationally due to emotional complications, would probably just hurt Eclipse when he’s trying to be better for his brother, and would most likely set him back. There’s a very destructive pattern of thought when it comes to personality stuff (which is what I think Eclipse struggles with, a specific personality disorder I’m writing a comic thingy about), because you can’t change your personality. You can’t will yourself to be a certain way, and so it’s very easy to destroy progress people make on self improvement. So lunar refusing the apology would most likely not only hurt Eclipse’s pride (like it was hurt when Lunar left his side the first time) but would also further his belief of “why bother if they won’t accept the fact I’m trying for them” that he’d probably struggle with throughout a period of character growth.

Lunar’s smart, and pretty emotionally aware. He can be petty, but if Eclipse were to get to that point, I don’t think Lunar would refuse it because he would have already seen the struggle and effort Eclipse had put through just to get to that point

Logically, Solar would be the best person to help Eclipse, not Earth

This is partly copied/pasted from some conversations and does analyze Solar a bit as well

I really honestly doubt that Earth is going to be able to help him, if he comes back, and I’m suspecting that Solar would do a better job because he’s the only who can understand, properly, the absolute hell that was waking up inside of Sun’s mind with no idea what’s going on and how he got there. Earth can be sympathetic and show him pity, but that’s not going to help him very much at the end of the day. He doesn’t want sympathy, he doesn’t want pity because he has associated that with being weak and out of control. He needs some one who will understand him, and who will fully understand how one small thing changed so much due to the snow ball effect. Which Solar would understand. He’s “nice eclipse” after all, aka just an Eclipse without such bad formative trauma. So he never spiraled, but he’s just as blunt and analytical as Eclipse tends to be, and would be able to actually communicate with Eclipse about his issues since it’s a situation he could have easily been in had things gone slightly different

Solar is probably the only one who can understand, and I mean properly understand, Eclipse’s trauma and bottled up emotions. And I think that if they’re going to give Eclipse someone who will support him, they should do Solar. He’s got all boxes checked

The ability to fully understand Eclipse

No bad history with Eclipse that would really affect how Eclipse treats him (It’s not like Eclipse knows he built the satellite)

Similar base personality, his just wanted warped and twisted in the start, but if you strip away Eclipse’s issues, they’re practically the same person… for obvious reasons

The willingness to say what needs to be said, and not try to sugar coat. Earth would try to let Eclipse down easy about stuff, ease him into it, and he’s gonna see that as her being manipulative because that’s how he manipulates people. He needs someone who is just going to lay things out on the table

And of course, Solar most likely wouldn’t think Eclipse is too far gone to change. Because how do you think that of yourself? And they are the same person, just from different perspectives. It’s a similar dilemma I have to just writing off Eclipse, when I take him apart and see myself staring back at me. But I was able to improve, it just took work, and it took a situation dire enough to get me to realize that if I didn’t want to ruin the few things I cared about, I needed to get my crap together. And that’s probably what he’s gonna need to, something that threatens what he cares about to the point he realizes that this can’t go on. (And I’m suspecting that something will be control over his own life, just like it was for me.) We saw at the end of his life, that he was starting to self reflect and realize that he needs to change somehow, and this was because his control over his own life was being threatened I suspect.

Extra, Smaller Analysis on Solar and Eclipse

It is important to note that Solar doesn't have this issue (ASPD), and I believe it's because he didn't suffer the same beginning that Eclipse did. They resolved the Solar issue when he popped into existance very quickly from what we can tell, and so he wasn't left in the dark for months on end, left to stew in his own agony and emotions. Personality issues are caused by trauma, and specifically ASPD is directly tied to neglect during the most crucial formative stages in development. Sun and Moon had no idea Eclipse was there, and didn't mean to abandon him, because they didn't know he existed. But this complete, and utter abandoment, what is probably internalized as a personal betrayal because I can imagine Eclipse being destroyed by the idea that Moon left him behind on purpose. Which is just… not a good thought for my man to have, because that leads to feelings of worthlessness, and self-hatred for not being 'good enough' to keep/take care of/help. Which then just snowballs into other negative emotions, that gets him all worked up, and then he's fuming at the fact that they left him. That they decided he wasn't worth keeping around, and how dare they make that decision about him for him?!

You can see how it gets out of hand quickly, as he realizes the neglect he's suffering from, the abandonment he's facing, and the fact that he's now trapped. That Moon got to escape, but he can't and it's not fair. This is the perfect breeding ground for that funny little disorder called sociopathy, and boy, there's almost nothing at this point that can convince me that he doesn't have it because it's all just a little too perfect. And the worst part?

I really really doubt it was done on purpose, but holy heck it would be so cool if it was. Not just because of how beautifully crafted it is in his character, how it's so consistent and real, but also because if it was done on purpose, it would show that the writers took the time to do real research about a disorder that is so often done so poorly, and is commonly confused with a completely different issue (psychopathic disorder). Even knowing that it probably wasn't done on purpose, I'm still gonna just cling to him because I love him and I want him to get the happy ending he deserves. And I mean that genuinely, people who are suffering and lashing out because they're drowing in hate due to unfortunate circumstances that were really out of their control deserve to be given the tools to improve themselves and their lives, and it would be wonderful to see this sentiment reflected in the show.

Wrap-Up Ramble/Writer's Notes

This is, of course, my own personal observations, and it is definitely a lot to read. I had a lot of fun constructing this thread, because it is so rare to find a character that I feel I can properly connect to. I've struggled with a lot of the patterns Eclipse has shown in the show that I've called out, and I've had to go through the steps in the 'redemption arc' section myself. It's not an easy process, and as I mentioned, him realistically improving is going to be a process that is going to be draining on himself, and the people around him. He will have to wake up and choose to go against the walls he's thrown up around himself every single day if he's going to have a realistic redemption, and it's going to be exhausting. But I do genuinely believe that he can change, and improve, because I was able to change and improve as a person. It took time, years of intensive self examination and cognitive based therapy, and it required a strong support system. Which hopefully, if he comes back to the show, he can obtain, because otherwise he will continue to drown in his own bitter stew of resentment for others and himself. And that's no fun, that's just depressing.

A lot of people look at Eclipse and think the villain, but I just can't. His actions make him a bad person, but taking apart the psychology behind him, and seeing how glaringly similar a character is to you that is supposed to be the 'bad guy'… I want him to be able, if he comes back, to get the proper 'recovery arc' that he deserves, and I really hope that if they do try to save him from his own demons, they do it properly, instead of giving him a complete 180. Because you can't change your personality, and Davis and Reed seem to be aware of that with Moon. Even when old Moon tried to be better, he was still an awful person. And the 'new' Moon is still eerily similar to the old one, and as the time goes on, he just becomes more and more like the old one. Because it's the same AI, he just lost his memories. He didn't do a whole personality change because he got his memory card wiped, because he's the same person where it counts. He just has the benefit of not having all of the pain his past self was carrying. He's free of the hurt, and trauma, and self hatred old Moon carried, but he's still Moon.

So I'm really hoping that they continue to accurately display psychology in their characters if they bring Eclipse back, because it is such an immersive show due to the fact that it makes sense. These things make sense psychology wise, their behaviors, actions, patterns of thinking and speech. And I really am looking forward to seeing if they bring Eclipse back because he's such a beautifully constructed character.

You Made It

This is the end of my massive post. Congratulations if you made it this far. If you did, uh, the password is Dorito. Leave it in the comments/reblogs to let me know you made it, haha.

I'd love to see people's thoughts on this and on him, so feel free to leave your thoughts as well in comments/reblogs. I'll try to reply to every single one I see. Again, I love his character so much, it's so well crafted, and it was so fun to take this apart.

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