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oncewhenalongtimeago · 1 year ago

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Always an Angel, Never the God Full

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III x Runaway!Reader

Words: 13,104

Your plans to run away with Hiccup fall through. Three years later, you finally make it off Berk and away from the Edge. Here are the years that follow.

Tags: SUGGESTIVE ENDING, Runaway Reader, Angst, bitter reader, unrequited love, requited love, healing, conflicting emotions, compiles parts 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5

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You waited for hours, back aching against the flat rock, basket of your few chosen belongings hidden behind a small outcropping of rock as you waited for him, increasingly more worried as the sun began to set.

Scared, even. You’d seen the axe, laid plainly on the ground. You feared the worst, especially after your frantic search bore no fruit. That he’d been found, and that something terrible had happened to him.

But Hiccup was fine, with Astrid, this whole time.

Even Toothless seemed to like her well enough. He didn’t like you, glaring and snapping at you when you got too close, despite all of your efforts to get on his good side. He barely let you on, and he certainly wouldn’t without Hiccup. You had the sneaking suspicion he’d buck if you tried it on your lonesome.

While you understood, it hurt that even as close friends he’d not told you about Toothless at all, at first. You doubt he would’ve if he’d not seen you do so poorly at dragon training. He probably felt terrible, watching you fail over and over again when he could be doing something to help.

You hugged your knees tightly, hidden behind rock and moss, fighting not to make a sound as you peered around a corner, barely listening in as they conversed.

Even if he never inherited the chiefdom, It was still a heavy expectation that he’d marry. You two were an inevitable couple, if not because of love, out of a bond of solidarity. It’s not like either of you had any suitors. You were friends first, of course, but privately you hadn’t had a problem with that. You got along well, and you could see a future with him where you were both alright.

And you really, really liked him.

You knew he wanted someone else, someone who was confident, capable, who had good standing, who his father could be proud of. Someone who was more gorgeous than plain, someone like Astrid.

You weren’t the best viking, you couldn’t work in the forge, you hadn’t a lot of lucrative talents at all and a measure of clumsiness and troublemaking that could rival Hiccup’s own.

But you were friends, and that had to count for something.

He came to you with his plan to run away. You were running away together, you thought.

But somehow, she was here, and he left with her. He liked her. You knew that. And, you realized with mounting horror as she leaned in closer to him, she liked him too.

You knew you’d never had a chance, but knowing it is different from experiencing it. You had not a chance in the world.

You could never fault him for that.

You couldn’t stop the tears from pooling in your eyes, or the tiny bits of your heart from splitting apart and scattering across the grass.

Conversely, he didn’t tell you when he flew off to battle with the rest of your peers. The whole thing with the Red Death? You missed it completely. You only found out later after Hiccup had been towed back to Berk on death's door.

Constantly spilling his heart out to you but saving the rest of it for the other teens, the ones who used to jeer at him from the sidelines, who all of the sudden began to treat him well, but still jeered at you while he wasn’t looking.

A hangers-on to their group, not very useful or funny, just there, always. Not spoken with or talked to or considered at all by anyone who wasn’t Hiccup. Just there.

Your companionship had, for lack of a better word, remained the same, except now there was an undercurrent of something under the surface of a black ocean, broiling and writhing like an angry serpent.

Sometimes it felt like a sick corruption of the friendship you and Hiccup used to have, made up of long held hardship and what you had thought were good times. Sometimes it was better than it was before, and you could joke and laugh and play games the same way you had as children.

And sometimes it felt like you were speaking to a stranger, one you weren’t sure you’d ever known at all; sometimes his mannerisms, his ticks and even the way he stood were alien to you.

You weren’t even sure you recognized who he was anymore. You never asked why, afraid of the answer you might find.

“So, I’m hoping that if I place a spring there, when I pull the lever it wont catch so violently. The gear system around the side is to help turn the barrel while you’re aiming. Got it? What do you think?”

You nodded, eyeing the vast array of blueprints and open journals spread sideways in between the two of you. Brown leather met leather as Hiccup rubbed his shoulder, no doubt a result of a hard fall he’d taken earlier on Toothless.

“Yeah, I got it,” You say casually, “What about the wheels? If you’re going to be pulling it over grass, you might need to cover the space between the wheels and gears, because the plants might catch and pull up into the gear system.”

It feels fake. Slimy to say, like a lie, except you know it’s not. It feels like a product of something more larger and uglier.

Hiccup picks up a yellowed paper, scrutinizing his own design, “Yeah… Actually, you’re right. I don’t know If- maybe if I shift the base… Yeah, I think that would work. Thank you.”

“No problem,” You puff, blowing a strand of hair out of your face.

“Also, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Hiccup shifted in his seat, clenching and unclenching his fingers, a nervous tick he’d had since the two of you were little, “Your dragon. Have you picked a name for it yet?”

“Ah, no,” You sigh, looking down at your knees, “Honestly, I haven’t been able to find something he likes.”

The picky bastard./Picky beast.

Hiccup had helped you find a dragon before the lot of you had moved, a smallish nadder who still didn’t feel much like your own, but served you just as well as any other would and you did teh best to serve it fine as well. He turned out to have just as much propensity for social upset around the other dragons and seemed to get along with Stormfly, Toothless and no one else.

Speaking of, the black dragon, Toothless, had warmed up to you, and in the end you became no better or worse than anyone else on Berk to him, which you were okay with for the most part.

The others had gotten used to you, though remained relatively detached. Conversations wouldn’t stop nor would people give you the look once you entered a room. You didn’t try to strike up conversation anymore, learning that it was better to be silent than awkward.

It still did nothing to soothe the hurt, or all of the years you’d spent hurting, or any of the time now you spent on your lonesome.

“If you don’t mind, I can-...” Hiccup leans back, the both of you turning heads as your door creaked open, heavy boots moving across the threshold of your home, wood floors creaking.

You gave Astrid a nod of acknowledgement as she approached your table and she tilted her head, glancing in your direction.

“Hiccup,” Astrid called, “Are we still flying tonight?”

“Astrid,” Hiccup greeted as he stood up, a soft smile stretching half the length of his face as he gathered his assets, leaving a few papers scattered across the top that he knew he could come pick up later as he usually did, “Yeah, let me get my things first.”

You tuned them out as they began speaking in earnest, leaning back to stare at the ceiling, fingers tapping against your elbows almost antsily as they slowly took their leave.

“Hey,” Hiccup looks back at you as your heart beats rapidly in your chest, “I’ll see you later, right?”

“Right,” You say nearly at a mumble, refusing to look him in the eye, your stomach rolling guiltily as the door shuts behind him, “I’ll see you later.”

Your foot nudged the pack you’d prepared out from under the table in the small, shoddy hut you’d managed on the Edge, slinging it over your shoulder as you watched Hiccup and Astrid take off on their dragons through a crack in your window shutters.

He may have found his happiness with the others but you had not, and you fully intended to leave, the same way he’d planned it all those years ago.

You knew what you were doing was wrong. Not saying goodbye, just up and leaving in the middle of the night without telling anyone, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to say it.

What would you be leaving behind, anyways? You didn’t have much.

You waited until they were just a small speck in the distance before running out on your own, a pack slung up over your shoulders. The dragon, who you’d parked just behind your hut and who’d spent the past few hours almost patiently waiting for you as you’d spent your sudden and unexpected last few hours with Hiccup, stood to its feet and chirruped as you hoisted yourself up onto its saddle.

Fishlegs was busy in his hut. The twins and Snotlout, maybe they’d notice you leaving but you didn’t have much faith in them asking why or feeling much at all besides a vague expectation that you’d be back later. Everyone went out for a leisure flight every once in a while, it was just about time you’d finally taken yours, after all.

Hiccup and Astrid wouldn’t be back till late doing who knows what. You bit your lip, lightly tapping your Nadder’s side with your heel, signaling for him to take off in the opposite direction, shoving down a deep spike of jealousy at the thought. He was your friend first, and soon he would be nothing to you and it wouldn’t matter at all anymore.

You weren’t sure where exactly you were going. But you knew wherever it was, it would be good as long as it was as far, far away from here as possible.

You grind your teeth, eyes tearing up as a heavy booted foot pushes you down further into the wooden ship floor. The ship rocks angrily as does your dragon, struggling against the barbed netting.

“Who are you? A new vigilante?” The leading trapper, Erik son of Erik or something, asked, bending down above you. He had, coincidentally, been the one to shoot you down.

“Where is your… hideout?” He leaned down into your ear at your silence, speaking in a raspy whisper. You got the vague impression he was trying to be intimidating, though the end results were more in favor of making you blush.

You were thankful for the hard wood covering your face and, therefore, your embarrassment. Of your belongings, you were only able to manage a mask and had taken to running around ensconced in furs with nothing but a dagger to your name.

You’d recon you looked much like a wild animal, straddling your nadder bare of a saddle. You had not done too well on your own. It was hard. You had always been a team player if by team player you meant a leech on society. At least, you had been told so.

So of course you had, unwittingly, stumbled onto dragon trapping territory. Extreme sport dragon trapping territory. It didn’t help that you and your nadder hadn’t been on the same page, you two being unable to sync in the way you’d seen the other riders with their dragons, which left a bitter taste in your mouth.

He’d go left when you were trying for right, and when you finally decided to just go with it, he would change his mind and throw you for a complete loop. It was safe to say that even if you got out of this mess you never wanted to step foot on his back again.

You breathed a silent sigh of relief just as the trapper let out an annoyed one, stepping off of you in favor of yelling at his men for damaging their goods. Meaning, your nadder. Was he really yours, though? He did try and make a break for it without you.

While debating whether or not you should try at the ropes shackling your arms together, you grunt frustratedly, noticing a new tear in your garb.

After running away and getting captured, you had not expected to be kidnapped again by some insane-looking madman in a mask. Though you did look like two of a kind, so it was fitting.

Your nadder had its wings torn irreparably, so, unfortunately, you had to retire him early.

You found small comfort in that it hadn’t abandoned you on the ship that one final time, though the irony that it had led you here was not lost on you.

He visited sometimes. He took to life in the sanctuary very well.

You didn’t, a borderline prisoner before you’d been able to win over the trust of the resident feral gorgon. Sort of. She was a woman who let you see her face, more on accident than anything else. You hadn’t let her see you or hear yours. However you weren’t inclined to speak of her nicely, least of all in your head, after the number of weeks you spent trapped in a cave at her behest.

Finally, you’d been let out. Let out enough to walk more than just the short stretch of stone and greenish ice that made up your prison. The endless turquoise was beginning to make you sick.

Recently, you found a real friend in the sanctuary, and this dragon, it was truly yours. Affectionately named, fed and groomed, you two were almost inseparable. It was the kind of friendship with a dragon you’d completely missed out on on Berk.

It was hard to maintain given your captive status, but that was alright.

There probably wasn’t any social profit involved in being a vigilante, which is why you assumed the crazy dragon lady had taken to speaking at you in her spare time. About the dragons, what they ate, what she had to do. Pointedly she gave away nothing of their true secrets, not that you wanted them, nor anything of her vigilant-ing. Not verbally, though the influx of injuries both on her and the dragons spoke volumes.

She did give away her name.

You groan, rubbing your eyes under your mask as you cradle the thing to your face with the other.

“You’re quite attached to your mask,” Valka said amusedly, shifting the logs roasting in the fire with a stick, pushing them back and forth as you sat in silence. You hardly ever spoke a word, nowadays.

Her dragon, the stormcutter, stared at you with large eyes through the licking flames.

Neither of you mentioned that the only real reason you’d been able to keep your mask so long was that she’d been kind enough to let you. An allowance you’d been given on a whim. One you clung to with all the nervous energy of Fishlegs to his dragon cards.

“... I’d rather not be,” You grumble, voice raspy from disuse, “It’s stuffy.”

“Oh,” Valka looked at you, amused and maybe a little surprised to hear you speak at last, before going back to tend to her fires, “I was starting to think you couldn’t speak.”

“Funny.” You said, lifting a sharpened stick off the ground, spearing it through a slimy, gutted fish from the basket beside you. Your nose wrinkled as you heard the sharp point break skin. No amount of faux stoicism could make it seem pleasant to you.

“I have a few questions,” You grimace under your mask as she asserts herself. She can ask them all she wants, but there’s no guarantee you’ll answer.

You might, probably, as keeping secrets hasn’t always been your strong suit. She’s certainly been trying to open you up for a while. You’ve not given her any leeway before though, no reason to give her any now.

“How did you tame your dragon?” She asked, pushing a particularly thick dragon searching for morsels. Valka guides its head gently away with her spare hand before any of the other dragons crowding around them get any ideas.

You wait for a moment, still wondering whether you should follow along. Eventually, you decide to answer.

“Wasn’t me. Someone else back home did it,” You huff, “I just followed along.”

“...But not very well,” Valka hums. It’s obvious she doesn’t believe you. Unfortunately for her, that is not your problem.

She pulls a small trout off her own stick, tossing it to a crowd of young dragons, who you knew had acquired a taste for the cooked, through no fault of your own.

You should feel offended, but you know she’s right. You lean away from a wandering dragon snout as it searches you for morsels. The stormcutter, after a look from Valka, shoos it away with a large wing.

“Where are you from?”

You feel the embers from the fire as they rise, the furs of your coat becoming nearly unbearable, your skin heated up rapidly. You wrinkle your brow with annoyance as you feel a drop of sweat slide down the side of your face.

“Where are you from?” You retort pointedly.

She studies you cautiously, as if she could glean your intentions from your body language. And she very well could. Or the heat was getting to you, the wells you’d spent in solitude had finally done some real damage to your psyche, and you were hallucinating.

“Berk,” She says. You sit back, surprised, “And you?”

“...None of your business.” You wonder how long it had been since she had left. You pray she would not know you.

Valka raised her eyebrow.

“I’m serious.” You ground your heel into the dirt. It was a touchy subject, still.

“Berk, too. …Stop looking at me like that.”

Valka leaned back against the ice wall where you rested, looking out over the empty ocean as dragons flooded to and fro the sanctuary. You squinted far into the distance, as if you thought you might be able to see through it if you tried hard enough.

Your hair tugged wildly by the winds out from behind your mask as you sat, one leg extended and the other bent as you leaned back against one arm.

You probably looked as you felt, weary and unkempt after a long flight over the seas with your dragon, who clambered among the icy spike-lined wall with clawed hands. You felt refreshed yet somehow at odds with yourself still.

You cared little for your bedraggled demeanor the same way you hadn’t cared for much at all in a while. It might have made a cool picture had you not slipped and fallen onto your face on the ice just a few minutes prior. Whether you had broken your nose or not on your mask had yet to be uncovered. All that mattered was that Valka hadn’t seen.

Dragons crowed. Through the cracks in the walls of the sanctuary, the wind would whistle through if it hit the right angle. Louder than anything else were the sounds of the waves crashing against rock.

But between you and Valka, it was silent. A contemplative silence, the kind of silence you shared with others after a long thought or a hard day’s work. That’s how you knew she was going to break it.

“Why did you leave?”

You are annoyed at the prospect but are no less expectant. After the moment passes, you are not surprised. However, it feels as if you are the one who should be asking.

“Why did I leave?” You ask, “Does it matter?”

A loose chunk of ice falls off the side of the sanctuary as a large titan scrambles violently down the side, chasing after a bright yellow baby. You spot a shape through the fog, distant and blurry enough to resemble a bird though there are no birds here. You pointedly do not think of your small hut, even less of green eyes, and tiny, fading freckles.

Valka tilted her head in your direction, reaching a hand out to scratch Cloudjumper under his chin as he lowered himself towards her, “It mattered to you.”

You open your mouth, but you are only able to choke on your breath. No one has ever said something like that to you, not in a long while. You don’t understand why it’s hitting you so hard. Maybe it’s the isolation.

You blame the burning of your eyes on the biting wind.

“Why did you leave?” You ask in return, once you’ve taken time for yourself, though you have an idea. You can’t keep your voice from sounding a little bit scratchy.

You unhook your dagger from your belt, trying not to seem so attentive. Instead, you take to carving random shapes into the ice. A gronkle. A nadder.

“I was taken.” She sighs, quieter now. Lost off in memory as you both often are.

The nadder’s spikes are much too long. The gronkle looks more like a sandwich than a dragon.

“Taken?” You prompt and you begin on the outline of a fury. The result is shallow and scratchy.

It’s one of your own designs, not the same as the one Berk uses. Astrid liked the other one better, not yours, so that was the one Hiccup went with.

“I didn’t leave,” She insisted, almost as if she was trying to convince herself of the fact, “I had a son, and a husband.”

You’ve seen her by the fires, while trying to sneak out of this hellish ice maze. She talks to herself then. On particularly paranoid days, she’s slept by you, in the same caverns, so you’ve heard it. She talks in her sleep and says things she would never say awake, or had you been around. It’s all so very unsettling.

“Really?” You remarked with false astonishment. The facade is flimsy, but you figured you’d give her the benefit of the doubt. The grace to assume that you’d no idea what she was on about.

With prompting, you might have seen it earlier. In her slim form, the one she kept hidden under thick furs and thicker armor. You squint. They have the same eye color. The same hair. They both have higher cheekbones, though her son more resembles his father in that aspect. That is all.

Valka shoots you a reprimanding look. Cloudjumper, now creeping down the wall behind you, taps you on the back of your head with its tail at her behest.

Valka was of the air. Though he had the same flighty tendencies, he was very grounded, like his father, though he might either be proud or loath to admit it. He loved flying, yes, but he loved inventing and processing and routine just as much, if not more.

He did when you were close. Of course he did, he spent his whole life on it. You couldn’t really say you knew him anymore.

You didn’t pin Valka as the type to enjoy the same in any sort of manner. But that suited you just as well. You found that as time went by and as you were granted more freedoms, you appreciated it. It made it easier for you to forget. To ignore.

In the end they, you and she, she and you, were one and the same.

“But what does it matter, if you never went back?” You grumble, pushing your dragon’s head away as it nudges you towards the cliff, crooning for more flying time.

You guessed that was why she clung so viciously to the safety of her sanctuary. Why she hated other people so much, why she’d had no faith in the humanity of other people, why she’d held you here so strictly. If things could have been different, then what did she give it all up for?

Though you’d never had something else. Not even the option. You’d never been given it. Valka hadn’t been given it either, but there was a sure difference between something being there and not.

The atmosphere is silent again, tainted with some darker undertones. If you’d had to put a name to it, you might have called it grief.

“I want to leave.”

Valka doesn’t look surprised at your request. And indeed, it’s been no secret that you wanted to leave. Maybe she was glad for it, or maybe she was sad at the news.

After all, you settled into each other's presence long ago. You had a good sort of companionship.

And from that companionship, you learned a lot without even trying, just by watching. Eventually she took notice and she took an active part in teaching you the truths she learned during all her years in self-imposed isolation.

You two weren’t incredibly close but you could tell Valka was grateful for the company, grateful to have someone maybe even a little bit like her, even if most of it was spent in silence.

You still left the Drago fighting for her. It wasn’t your fight, it was hers, and you made that clear.

Neither of you brought up Berk. Ever.

You were content to just come and go as you pleased, for a while. Nonetheless, despite your freedom, you felt restricted to the small world of the Sanctuary and the empty skies around it. There was no place for you on the ground or by the seas, where hunters and trappers swarmed by the thousands and Drago’s armies grew by the day.

You spent so much time learning from her and yet it felt like no time at all. Which was why you were shocked when you’d truly learned how much had come and gone in full.

You were out slinking in the shadows, seeking shelter from a storm on the same small rocky outcropping of island that had a shipful of trappers stranded, in a rage and a panic as they attempted to recover their assets. The winds had been too rough to fly, so you had no choice but to wait and listen.

You didn’t believe it at first. It had been…

Months.

You wondered if he’d been married, yet.

Years.

The idea hurt, not as much as you’d thought it would, still not as little as you’d hoped.

Under clear skies, you found an inn, untouched by everything except grass and trees.

You asked, “What day is it?”

The large man, a burly viking scrubbing down a wooden cup with a torn old rag, had looked down at you skeptically from behind a beaten pine and stone counter.

Two years. It had been nearly two years since you left Berk. Just as Valka’s attachments kept her at the Sanctuary, you needed to go. To run.

Since you had heard it, spoken it, the urge to run, to fly hadn’t abated at all, going from a wispy thought at the back of your mind to a full blown need. Your dragon too had become antsy, maybe feeding off of your nervous energy. Eager to take off, to fly new skies.

“Are you sure?” Valka asked searchingly. You two were stationed over a heavily planted cliff over a large main pool which consisted of the main cavern within the Sanctuary, once again in front of a fire, eating your own meals as the dragons below ate and exchanged fish.

You were already packed, your mask secured as it had been for all two years you had been in this place stuck between confinement and dwelling. You almost regretted it, not telling her your name, but you couldn’t bear yourself to her knowing who she was, not truly. Not until you’d washed yourself of that particular weight.

“Yes,” One day you would, if you ever saw her again. Once you were released from the heartache and pain of your own making, “I am. Thank you.”

You started out into the pale foggy sky, mounted your beast as smooth as you’d ever done, which is to say, not smooth at all. You’d only ever managed it right when Valka was watching, anyhow. It was odd how that worked, maybe the peer pressure was finally starting to kick in.

As you took off and the sanctuary became smaller and smaller both to your eyes and your mind, as the tight bundle of chains in your chest dropped and the world opened up to you once more, you felt light, and free.

Once again, there was no one to watch you and no one to hurt for besides your and your dragon. Endless opportunity. Thousands of ways to keep going.

You wondered what your face looked like.

You couldn’t wait to see it again.

Hiccup traced the faint outline of a Night Fury in the ice with his fingertips.

He tried to suppress the bubbling hope and dread at the thought his mother had been lying to him and his father about being alone all those years.

He had left to get some air and to give his parents time together to linger while the snowstorm outside abated, taking shelter under a misty overhang of ice just off one of the tunnels leading back into the main dwelling. One that had fortunately not fallen victim to the heavy layers of snow drowning the uncovered surfaces below.

Toothless had followed him out, of course, and sniffled curiously at the ground, giving the other few doodles littered across the ice an inspection of his own. Hiccup sat back, covering his mouth with his hand as he mulled over the implications.

He then stood, staring back into the tunnel leading back into the sanctuary. Much of the awe he had felt earlier at the discovery of his mother had washed away and a wave of uncertainty and hurt replaced it.

He knew he had been given grace. A lot more than he deserved.

Since everything had changed, terrible mistakes became minor inconveniences. People no longer whispered about Hiccup the weird, Hiccup the Useless, the Hiccup who just didn’t get it. Rather, every jest on his behalf was now just another one of his strange little quirks.

He did his part. He was happy to have a part now. A real one.

(He’d had a part. Blacksmith, inventor, friend.)

(Mistake.)

He thought they’d do the same for you. But you weren’t doing well. Even though he was busy with his new role, he noticed. He noticed when you fell behind, when you still couldn’t seem to find your place.

(His father, looking at him with shining eyes.)

He begged for you to not fumble this chance that you both had to be different. To be a part of something real, something tangible.

(He was so proud.)

Except.

(It made him sick.)

He knew what it was like. To be the odd one out, to not be able to do things quite the way you were supposed to. After all, if he hadn’t had Toothless then he would still be the same old Hiccup.

(He felt like the same old Hiccup.)

So yeah, it made sense that you weren’t always the first on call. It made sense, when you lagged behind. Why you weren’t part of the group the same way everyone else was.

(Was he?)

Like a wall had been shattered and the curtains pulled, he’d been witness to some of the moments between the other Dragon Riders he’d not been included in when he was ‘other.’ Moments that he just couldn’t quite indulge in, that used to be aimed at him, that caused something ugly and sad to curl tight in his stomach.

That left the sour taste of stomach acid on his tongue that he couldn’t wash away, no matter what he drank or how many times he tried.

So he vouched for you when the whispers started. Hounded them until they stopped, despite the creeping feeling that they were right. Clung tightly onto the few moments you were able to spend together. The way things used to be.

(Pushed down the tiny voice telling him he still didn’t belong.)

Days. It took days for them to notice you were gone. Truly gone. And they couldn’t be sure at all when it had happened, what or why.

They assumed you were dead. Once the next devastating winter set in, there was no way you could have made it on your own.

They locked your hut. An empty grave. The key, he’d taken and melted down into other things.

But. there was always a but.

Hiccup was a good handyman. For the most part. He’d caused a lot of handy-requiring, meaning he’d had a lot of practice.

He broke your lock.

Hiccup stared down at the piles of maps, noted, traced and copied sprawled across your desk, pulled out from underneath a loose floorboard by your bed. He clenched the various compasses and sea charts hidden in drawers and carelessly thrown under dishware.

It turned out you had a lot of free time on your hands.

There was something missing. Something missed when the other riders would joke and prod, wielding inside jokes he’d never been privy to just as easily as they wielded swords and hammers. And now he had no one to share with when they did.

There was something missing late at night working on a new tailfin, or a rig, or early in the morning when he was too tired to piece metal jigs together.

It just wasn’t the same, going to Fishlegs or Snotlout with these things, and heaven knows that Astrid wouldn’t entertain the idea at all. It was the dragons that appealed to her most. She was an early riser and an early sleeper and for many reasons she appealed to him, but she just couldn’t be what Hiccup needed. Not then.

You faded away as if you were a ghost, a door to a room no one used.

They didn’t get how it felt to spend all those years being the odd one out. He needed someone who got it. He needed someone who got him. A friend.

And like a note in the margins of a bad story, eventually no one mentioned you at all.

He flew as far and as fast as he could. Mapping the world, exploring farther and farther, as if he might somehow be able to trace your footsteps, following a lost trail that one day a long time ago you might have paved.

He’d flown as if, once he’d flown far enough, he might have been able to understand where you’d gone.

(Why you left him.)

They figured a way to identify dragons through scale patterns. It was a skill Fishlegs had perfected first, taking vague, long held knowledge and putting it into practice, doing the math.

Hiccup ran his hand down the side of this dragon, eyeing the torn wings, the spiked crown. The jaw.

Recording its age, its gender, his place of origin.

“You know this dragon?” Valka asked cautiously. Distrustfully. She was leaning against her staff, face guarded. He didn’t need to look to know that last bit, he heard it just fine.

Hiccup furrowed his brow. Two fish, a scratch under the chin. Dragon nip, a saddle, carefully woven and tenderly worn.

“I trained it.”

Hiccup leaned forward against Toothless, urging him ever onwards against the rough, buffeting winds and vicious onslaught of snow. Higher and higher until they cut above the clouds, breaching the threshold of the storm, evading it altogether.

Your absence had long since become an idea. Your person, a concept that eluded him time and time again, as inescapable yet unreachable as his own grieving heart.

But now, with the news from his father, his mother… he’d set out immediately, with not a word to spare despite Gobber warning him of the oncoming storm.

You were only two days departed. Two days out, a mirage turned real and he pursued it with all the desperation of a child. Finally, nearly, you were almost tangible. Reachable, physical, real.

There was no telling how far you’d gone or how far you’d go if you’d been given the chance to flee. He needed to catch up, catch you, see you.

Happy to be on your own again, you’d taken a few days rest just outside of Valka’s territory. You didn’t expect to be caught off guard like that. You didn’t expect to be found, even by accident. It was just your luck.

“Damn it!” Peering from around the bend, you spotted a man. And he was a man now, a long shot away from the kids you two were.

He was masked, hidden just out of view inside the crack between a rocky craig, where you’d set up camp. However the unmistakable form of Toothless followed suit as the two fought the wind and storm, searching for shelter.

You brushed your hand over your own mask, your dragon breathing over your shoulder as it too surveyed the newcomers. They had crash landed quite suddenly and you’d rushed to compensate, hiding before they could notice. Hopefully they hadn’t noticed. He nor Toothless wouldn’t ever notice, not if you played your cards right.

You wondered if he remembered you at all. If he knew or if he’d ever had the mind to think about you. What brought him here. Maybe he’d just been chasing a whim. You pushed back a large animal skull with your foot, the mangled remnants of your attempt to fashion a new helmet with no face.

Toothless shook his head, looking at Hiccup sourly as they trudged on towards an outcropping near the center of the small island they’d found themselves on.

Hiccup rubbed his arms grievously, staring out towards the sea, not sure the place wouldn’t be overtaken should a particularly large wave come to shore. There was no way he’d be able to catch up to you now, not in this rough weather. He prayed that the storm would give but the chances of that were low and he had little hope.

He stumbled slightly as he was buffeted forwards, finally making it to the entrance of a nigh hidden, narrow space carved into a crack in the large rock. Toothless snuffled at his back, urging him forward, though he had to take pause at the entrance as he spotted movement in the back.

A dragon? Or…

You hadn’t played your cards right.

You cursed as you ran further into the cave and towards the opening you knew lay at the back, your dragon already there, packed and ready. You had to run back after the realization you’d forgotten your dagger, which you probably should have just left behind.

“Hey, wait!”

You grit your teeth as Hiccup made chase, running past your dead fire and crumbling fish bones. You would have been caught had the passage not been too narrow for him and Toothless to run side-by-side. It was just luck that he hadn’t yet thought to jump back onto his saddle.

You increased your speed as the passage started to open up and swung onto your own dragon, kicking off and just missing Hiccup as he skidded to a stop. Toothless lept in front of him right after.

You could just imagine the two of them vaulting into the sky, a common scene turned frightening image as you and your own dragon bolted.

You’d had plenty of experience flying through this kind of weather. You hadn’t always, and the vikings on Berk hadn’t much at all, choosing to hole up with their dragons when the snow got too rough.

It gave you the advantage, one you needed if Hiccup decided to follow. There was no way to tell with the snow this thick, and with Toothless, he’d be nearly impossible to outmaneuver. You stayed under the clouds, hoping to keep your cover, as traveling into the open sky now would most definitely give you away.

What you could make out below between flurries of hail and flakes was nothing but open ocean and large mountains of ice, which passed you by in less than an instant as you sped as far away as possible, using the winds to uplift instead of hindering you.

You scanned the area around you, looking for a sound place to escape and hide. Something caught your eye but just barely and you swooped downwards.

With what happened next, you might have been caught off guard had it not been for the yelling you could make out just barely above the wind. Instead you were just incredibly scared as a large mass spiraled into you, sending the four of you tumbling and screaming down into the cavern below.

Through the vertigo you were able to kick Hiccup, untangling your limbs with force as your dragon took unsteadily to the air again.

“Wait- Come back!” He shouted, leaning forwards, arm extended towards you. Toothless roared.

“No!” You yelled stubbornly back as you twisted to glare at him through your mask.

Regrettably, it seems that the Night Fury remained undefeated in terms of speed and inescapability as he soon caught up to you again, Toothless grabbing onto your dragon’s tail and with a hard yank, forcing your landing onto a nearby ledge, large and long enough to facilitate your rough spill and roll against hard gravel.

Your mask cracked as it was thrown against the ground, loudly echoing as it clattered against hard stone.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to- It was really rough out there, and I-” Hiccup stumbled to his feet, shaking his mechanical foot out of Toothless’ saddle, heart pounding as you looked up at him behind scraggly hair, crouched a good few strides forwards

He’d found the experience novel when he’d seen it on his Dad, an outsider looking in. But to experience it firsthand… He knew what his father meant, when he said ‘You’re as beautiful as the day I lost you.’

Even seeing you as messed up and wild as you were squeezed his breath out of his chest. Maybe even made you more… Whatever this was. Whatever you were to him.

You definitely looked different, a little older, features more defined, but he’d die before he’d cease to recognize that face.

He had to shut his mouth, lips pursed as if to hold back all the memories flooding back into his mind, faster than the winds blowing up on the surface. You two, as kids in the meadows, complaining about life and dads, sneaking around the Great Hall, causing messes and being scolded.

He realized what it was that he’d felt and missed so deeply. It was something he’d known, hidden so deep inside, realized much too late.

You held back tears as the life you’d tried so hard to forget had finally caught up to you. Within an instant, this new life you had built for yourself had completely fallen apart.

You saw the man- because you begged for it not to be him, and you’d exhausted all your avenues, and the only option you had left was denial, took a shaky step forward, pulling his helmet back over his head with both hands, revealing a face lathered in sweat despite the cool conditions.

Trolls.

“Why…” Your voice, scratchy and ragged, was easily heard despite your whispering as there was nothing else to be heard, “Are you here?”

“Why… Am I…?” Hiccup asked incredulously, staring at you wide-eyed.

“Yes!” You shout, shoving the hair out of your face as you stood abruptly, “What in the world are you doing here?” Your dragon, laying behind you, began to stand, cautiously crouching against the ground.

“I came looking for you!” He looked like you’d kicked his puppy. You bared your teeth at him.

“You came looking for me? You chased me through a storm like a maniac! Can’t you take a hint?! Gods,” You grip your shoulder, “You probably broke my shoulder, curse it!”

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry I hurt you, that I-” Hiccup stepped forward. Toothless growled, behind him, “But you left! What was I supposed to do with that?”

“What you were supposed to do with that? You tackled me to the ground!” It had been so long.

“You didn’t even say goodbye!”

“You’re mad about goodbyes? Was the goodbye I gave you not good enough?!” He had scruff now, a light dusting of peach fuzz spotting along his chin. His hair was redder, his eyes greener. Or maybe that was the lighting.

“You went missing for two years! So I chased after you. Who wouldn’t? In what world would ‘I’ll see you later’ ever be enough? Ever?” It’s not like he ever gave you a goodbye. Not before he’d left you in the dust.

“I was hurt! And what are you- how do you even remember that, anyways?” You scoff loudly. But in the end he was still the same boy. He would have taken anyone else at their whim as a friend or otherwise. Yet he didn’t even recognize your companionship or your silly little crush. Wasn’t that disheartening?

Hiccup stomped forwards, causing you to step back. Your dragon snarled and followed as Toothless began to circle, trapping you and Hiccup in the middle of a very dangerous tango.

“How could I-? You’d- Just- Have you ever considered that maybe I was hurting, too? I spent so long just trying to fix- everything! I spent so long doing, and then you just leave and I can’t do anything about it! Do you know how painful that was? Why didn’t- why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you talk to me? Why?” He had worked hard. So, so hard.

He probably would have chosen Ruffnut’s hand over yours. He thought she was terrible.

“Why?” You asked him, throwing your arms out, squishing the little ball of guilt worming around in your stomach, “Why didn’t you talk to me? Do you know how much it hurt, to be constantly left behind like- like your old scraps, and maybe I got tired of hearing about it! Hearing about all of it! Your standing, your dad, your stupid girlfriend! Could you not just be happy with what you had?”

“What-”

He did get Astrid, though. He pursued her even though, for the longest time, she remained just ever so out of his league. The same way he was and wasn’t out of yours. Yeah, you were jealous. So, so jealous.

Of her, of his cousin and all his other friends for pushing you around and squeezing you out of his life. You were mad at him for letting them, after all they’d done to the both of you.

“I got made fun of! All the damn time! And your head was so full of air- you were too busy jerking your own ego to notice!” Your eyes stung as you shouted at him.

“Up my own ego!” Hiccup stopped, “No one wanted me as I was. I spent so long trying to make everything work for everyone else! What I had-I wanted you to have it too! So why? Why did you leave?”

“You say that, but-” You grimace and, “Shouldn’t it be obvious? Maybe I didn't want that! Did- did you ever stop to consider that maybe I wanted you? You didn’t have to make anything up for me! You-! It was all about you!”

“I- Honestly, you have to- All my life, I-”

“I have to what?! We had the same life, Hiccup!”

“I know!” Hiccup squeezed his eyes shut tightly. Then, quicker than you could react, he grabbed you by your upper arm and pulled you closer just enough- It wasn’t pleasant at all, all force and teeth against lip. But the next one.

He pulled back, readjusted and you slipped together seamlessly. Closed-mouthed, but he clearly knew what he was doing, kissing you that way. You held onto his elbows, unmoving yet still, frozen by shock. He’d gotten his practice in with Astrid.

The thought sent a wave of fury down your spine. You punched him.

He reared back from the blow, accepting yet more startled than physically hurt as, just like him, you’d never had much muscle. Still, you’d left what was quickly becoming a nice red welt on his face.

Your dragons stared at the both of you in shock, yours more in confusion than Toothless. There weren’t many Vikings in the sanctuary, so the meaning behind the gesture, the punch and the kiss, was probably lost.

“I thought…” He mumbled, eyes wide again, speaking as though whatever just happened, hadn’t, “I thought everything was fine. Fine enough. Between us.” You looked at him, the place where your heart used to be all twisted up and torn.

He was a liar. He was a liar, and you wouldn’t let him one over you. Not again. You didn’t want him to, more than anything else.

In spite of that, emotionally and physically, you were exhausted. You could only manage sadness. You weren’t sure you had the energy to push him away.

“You thought wrong.” You didn’t want to speak to him at all.

“Please, don’t-” he fell apart, voice hushed and cracking as he spoke. He took the final step towards you, burying his head against your shoulder. You stood stiff, staring out over into the scenery beyond his back and yet unseeing.

It was weird, having said everything you’d needed to say, that you’d bottled up for so many years. It defined you for so long that having it all out in the open kind of made you feel like you’d lost something essential.

“I see it. I see it now. I really do,” He whispered that last part tearfully, fingers gripping weakly onto the fabric of your sleeves. You felt as though a stiff breeze might blow him away, “Please, don’t leave me. Not again.”

He couldn’t say that.

“I can’t let you go again,” He really couldn’t say that.

“Just... Just tell me what you want.” He couldn’t say that, either. Toothless shot you a scathing glare, your dragon all but forgotten as he tugged Hiccup back. Your dragon unfurled its wings behind you, standing tall and proud as he pulled away towards the entrance to the cavern.

You met Hiccup’s gaze.

“Just do me this.” You choked out, watching as his expression switched from despaired to flat and back again, “Go away,”

“Please.” You said.

And he did. He turned tail and ran.

It was over.

As he flew away on Toothless, becoming nothing but a pinprick in your periphery before finally disappearing up the cavern entrance, you fell back down onto your knees.

You weren’t sure what to do anymore. The most important decision of your life was made with his ghost nipping at your heels. Truly, he haunted you. Whether he was with you or not, he always haunted you.

But the dragons here, untouched by the outside world, were kind. And curious. Once the threat was gone and the commotion was over, many came over to examine the newcomers, sniffing and prodding at you and your things.

They were welcoming enough. So you set up shop.

Hiccup laid flat against his bed, staring at the ceiling of his childhood home. He felt torn in every single direction all at once.

He’d left when his people needed him. When his father had needed him. Drago had attacked while he’d been gone, and all that was left of the sanctuary now was rubble. Then he’d gone after Berk. Hiccup had only just gotten there in time.

His father was fine, his mother… alive. After twenty years. Everyone was accounted for, but what if they hadn’t been? If he’d been there, maybe there would have been less damage, less people hurt.

But he wouldn’t have found you if he’d stayed. Finally, after all this time. He'd realized how long it truly had been since you left, lost to him even before you’d actually run off on your… the, nadder.

The floorboards creaked as someone made their way up the stairs to the loft, the front door swinging shut behind him. Hiccup didn’t move, just glancing to the side to see who it was that came to get him this time.

“Astrid,” He sighed. The two of them were distant and had been for a long while, despite the fact that they were supposed to be in a relationship. He’d been off a lot for that whole long while, which she hadn’t much minded as she’d found herself more interested in other things. And… he’d found his heart had a new owner.

“It’s been a month, Hiccup,” She rolled her head back, exhausted, as if reciting a tired script that she’d been reading off for ages, one that no one wanted to listen to anymore, “Everyone is fine. You don’t have to hole up so often. I don’t know why you did it, but no one is mad you left, you know. You couldn’t have known.”

“Yeah…” Hiccup sighed, “Yeah, I know.”

“You need to get out,” She looked around his room, which was very much a mess of parts and papers, and ran her hand down a large map, laid flat over the only remotely clear space he had, his desk, “if you don’t next thing you know, a month’ll be four.”

“Why are you so obsessed with this place? … Does it have anything to do with the time you spent missing?” Astrid questioned. Hiccup propped himself up, turning over alarmed as he heard the sound of skin on paper. It had been freshly inked.

“No,” He’d guessed at where the two of you had ended up. He was sure that he’d be able to find it again, given the chance. He would. After he worked up the courage.

After all, you’d… You didn’t want to be found.

“Hey, wait, that’s-” He scrambled onto his one leg, kicking aside his prosthetic and jamming his toe in the process.

“Ah, ow, ow, don’t touch that, please,” Astrid rolled her eyes and tossed the cylinder to his bed and he picked it up, examining it thoroughly as she sauntered off.

You weren’t sure why, but he kept coming back

“Hi,” He said awkwardly, shifting from foot to peg nervously. This was the first time he’d caught you. The first time he’d spotted you was the last but you’d made off that time before he could see you.

“Why are you here?” You stared at him, blank faced. Why didn’t you leave, curse it.

Your dragon waved its tail playful from the side, waiting for Hiccup to go. The other ones wouldn’t come out while he was here. It felt good in a vindictive sort of way, because dragons had always been this thing, except this time you were the one with the secret dragon knowledge. And the upper hand. Sort of. They didn’t hide from you.

“I like… “ He flushed, “I like hearing you talk?”

“Sure,” You suggested, turning and starting off again, basket under arm and over rock as you began unsteadily making your way back up to home cave. You liked it there because you didn’t have to leave much for anything.

“Wait, wait, wait wait,” Hiccup stuttered. As you had your arms over a particularly steep ledge, your legs waved nonsensically and scrambled against the side as you searched for a foot grip, “Just, uh, let me-”

“Come back tomorrow,” You grunted after you managed to finally get one leg up the side. You’d probably figure out what to say by then.

You felt better here, like maybe you weren’t meant for people. Not for dragons either, not really. The dragons here didn’t need defending or anything, it’s not like there was anyone down here to defend against besides other dragons. The most you’d had to go out for was food, and even that was made or stolen easily enough.

Being here gave you enough time to make you think that maybe you were meant just for yourself.

You sat by the spray by the falls, enjoying the mist as it sprayed onto your face and the echoing sounds of the water hitting gray stone.

“Toothless, come on- Just please, I know you don’t want- but-” Your eyes shot open, the distant voice of Hiccup bounced around the empty cavern, your moment ruined.

You looked around for the pair, trying to figure out which direction you should be running before. Suddenly, it felt like you’d been drenched by a whole lot more than a mist as Toothless landed messily behind you.

“What are you doing here?” You were careful to keep your balance as you shuffled further inland, looking a lot like a drenched cat as you came face-to-face with an also sopping wet Hiccup

You would never be rid of him.

“You said to come back tomorrow?” He asked, twisting his fingers and very purposefully refusing to look you in the eye.

Of course, you hadn’t figured out what to say.

You blew a raspberry as you adjusted the stolen, waterlogged basket which you had, again, under your arm. You needed more than two pairs of clothes.

“...Come back later,” You grumbled, “Later than tomorrow.”

You’d been free for a week. You’d been hoping for maybe two, to be frank.

“Please, I just-” Hiccup huffed, traveling by foot while you rode your dragon. Toothless followed behind, grumbling and gurgling at Hiccup judgmentally. Clearly whatever good will you’d built up with him before you ran left had been more than lost.

“I’m not interested in whatever you’re selling,” You stare straight ahead, over the encroaching cliff, ducking round and under ledges as your dragon trotted onwards.

“I want to get to know you, again.”

Eventually, the cave dragons had warmed up to Hiccup and he was able to work his magic on them. Now they watched through stalagmites and stalactites with impassive eyes as he made chase.

“Uh huh,” You scoffed as you reached the edge of the ledge. You turned around and stuck out your tongue as your dragon took a violent leap into the open air. As the wind whistled around you, you pinwheeled your arms in an effort to try and keep balance.

“Come on, Toothless, bud,” Hiccup complained from way behind. You saw Toothless very decidedly sit down, refusing to move even as Hiccup tried to push him towards the cliff with his whole upper body, “Let’s go.”

“So,” Hiccup started, “You haven’t gone any deeper.”

The both of you stared out into the vast, glowing sea of towers and gigantic glowing mushrooms extending out of their jagged rock faces. In the distance you could spot gigantic crystals, protruding from the ground the same way the sanctuary did.

Seas of dragons crowed and chirped, bright patterns shifting and growing under hard muscle. It was very dizzying, if you were going to be honest.

“No,” You replied, “No, I haven’t. Not this far, but now I… I might.”

You hadn’t traveled too far into the cavern, deciding not to push your luck with the locals. You always figured there was some sort of nest farther in. Turns out there was, and a whole lot more locals than you expected, and a lot more to this small world besides the cold, empty cavern. At least you didn’t have to worry about flooding anymore. Or sea salt in your hair.

You swore to yourself that you were going to move further in, caught off guard and most definitely embarrassed at the fact that so much open space had been hiding right under your nose.

Free for three days.

“There has to be more. There’s no way- It doesn’t make sense how all these different kinds of dragons can live in the same environment. There’s- there’s so much here that-Gods, I have to map it,” Hiccup rambled, smiling gawkily.

He’d been here for a week.

You felt a pressure to supervise him as he ran rampant in your new home, unsure of when he’d become such a cartographer. Your dragons had gone missing a while ago, leaving you two to be babysat by the hands of the general public.

You watched as he painstakingly mapped each pillar, occasionally chiming in with your own advice, looking the same way he did the day he discovered honey when you were kids. It was almost pleasant.

The two of you had fallen off the edge of a pillar after being knocked down during a spat between two touchy Crimson Goregutters, which no Hiccup magic or dragon secret could stop. After an event with a vine, dangling over certain death and panic, you two had managed to swing your way onto a large glowing mushroom.

The downside to that was that now, you were stuck, owed to the fact that apparently, what made some of these mushrooms glow was very viscous and… sticky.

Hiccup’s arms were glued to the space on both sides of your head, and your hands were gripping his arms which were visibly shivering, because you two had been stuck like this for a while. You’d been tugged, prodded at and licked by various different dragons. Nothing helped and you were starting to think that maybe this was how you were going to die.

Well, you knew you weren't going to go to Valhalla. It was kind of really hard to die in battle if you spent most of your time avoiding people. But this just sucked.

“What's up with your pathological need to map everything?” You asked belligerently. To be honest, it didn’t really bother you. Hiccup’s rambling had never bothered you, because you were prone to rambling in the same exact way. Currently though you were hard pressed to find anyone else to hear it.

“I thought your thing was the forge? You spent half of my childhood there.”

“Well, yeah, I…” He rested his forehead against yours, eyes shut as his neck finally gave out, you weren’t too pleased as you felt his sweat drip onto your face, squirming rebelliously.

“Wasn’t sure if you’d want to hear it. I-I could talk about that instead?” No talking at all would be great.

“Yeah,” You gave in, closing your eyes and going limp against the slimy fungi, “That would be better.”

Lips pursed, then grimaced as he’d opened his mouth to speak. Nothing came out, though. He just stared above your head, unmoving. You tried to see what he was looking at, but only got an eyeful of his scruff.

Next thing you know, you’re being smothered by a plushy pink tongue, then just licked and nosed a little bit. The spit of this dragon doing something odd to dissolve the slime trapping the two of you, fizzing as it touched shiny goo. When you finally had the facilities to move, you flipped your head back and your eyes widened slightly.

It looked like the two of you had just found Toothless a girlfriend.

Three months, two days and five visits- no, seven. Nine? Eleven? Seventeen?

“I don’t actually have a problem… with the mapping. Talking about it.”

You two were nestled between a rock and another rock, though this time whether it was a result of purpose or chance remained uncertain. You couldn’t remember. You were after something… There was barely any space between the two of you. You had been talking.

There was barely any green to Hiccup’s eyes, most of his iris consumed by large pupils as he mouthed around works that looked suspiciously like, “Can I…?”

Instead, he leaned forwards and your foreheads touched, the same way they did when you were trapped before. His eyes were clenched shut as he uttered, “I love you.”

You had a hard time believing that.

You turned your head to the side.

“I wonder how Astrid feels about her boyfriend flying off and doing who knows what.”

Some of the wild dragons lay in front of you, licking at the dying fire by your feet. A terror lay in the middle of it. You’d lined it with stones which were now giving off a pleasant warmth.

“I doubt she’d mind. We’re not really… together anymore. I don’t think so. I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t want to be.”

“Right,” You raised an eyebrow at him skeptically.

“Not since a little while after you left, actually.”

You found that hard to believe too, as you shook the burnt slice of fish off your knife onto your burnt slice of bread. You weren’t much better than Valka at cooking, but you were getting better. It was something about that sanctuary, or maybe something about that woman that just made you worse at cooking.

Hiccup wrinkled his nose over on the other side of your log as he shook his head at you.

It was a petty, but bitter sort of revenge.

Your first kiss had been lost to a fair bloke- his words, not yours- in the middle-of-nowhere inn. It had been a long time since you’d been out, but you were sure you’d easily be able to find somewhere similar to lose some other things. Hiccup had your heart but you’d never give him the opportunity to take any of your firsts.

Two months.

You were angry at him for playing with your heart again.

“There was a crisis-Berk…” His voice cracked.

You looked disinterestedly out over uncanny black waters. “Yeah, It’s fine.”

Seven days, seven visits. He might have been camping aboveground.

The two of you were between two large red fungi, settled on a mossy rock overlooking a new, larger, unmapped maze of rock pillars and black water rushing below. Dragons, glowing and colorful, mingled together off in the distance. Toothless was probably one, gone off to frolic with his new lady love.

“You never wanted me. As a friend, as a- …battle buddy, or as anything else. You would never have chosen me for anything. And I just… I didn’t want to be just what you settled for,” You mumbled into your knees, “You spent so long searching for better, and then you found it, and it just really hurt to realize that I wasn’t a part of that.”

You spilt your heart out as you faced the cliffside. Hiccup was facing you. You didn’t care what he heard. None of this was real anyways.

“I’m sorry,” Hiccup repeated, clenching his eyes shut as he buried his nose into your shoulder, barely there though he had to crane his head forwards, due to the uncomfortable angle.

What he had with Astrid these past few years, that was real. That was history. This thing between the two of you was just a mess of pain and turmoil and a little bit of childhood fantasy. An old infatuation rearing its head as you got everything nasty out of your system.

“It hurt to think that-That… the one person- Like everyone else did, you didn’t think I was good enough either.”

“I’m sorry.” You felt his arms come around your sides awkwardly before he squeezed.

“Me too. I…”

He’d remember that he didn’t want-need- you again soon enough.

“I haven’t told anyone. About you, or this place.”

“You haven’t?” You’d actually expected otherwise. It was nice to know you weren’t at risk of getting dropped in on.

Two months, thirty two visits.

You might be coming around to him.

“You’ve already-?” He asked, a little startled. You still felt a little silly about it but after you’d done it, you figured it wasn’t that big of a deal. It wasn’t like you’d planned to marry or anything anyways, so his reaction was kind of funny.

“Yeah, I was pretty mad. So I went out, and… you know. It was a while ago, though.”

He looked a little disheartened at the idea, but he just scoffed, waving his hand off in your direction.

“What? You and Astrid kissed, yeah, but you haven’t done- anything? Not even before you ‘totally broke up,’” You didn’t have to specify what they hadn’t done, the innuendo was already pretty obvious.

“Nah.” Hiccup said, hair wiped out of his face, matched squares of parchment. Map pieces were strewn out in front of him as he made himself busy trying to create a complete chart of the underground, matching up the landscape he saw with the islands above it.

Unfortunately, the caverns seemed to stretch on forever and the islands only covered so much.

Three months, one day, thirty two hours.

You straddled him, crinkling some of the many, many blueprints scattered across the moss surface. You wiggled one out from under him, looking down as he looked up. It felt good, being the one in charge for once.

You leaned down, pressing your noses together. Just before, you’d been going over his things. His blueprints. Swapping ideas. Sharing minds. Like you used to, every single day. Like you’d been doing, almost every single day.

“Do you love me?” You asked.

Every day you’d been together. Your knees touched, shoulders pressed close together.

You had to know. And if he did… He had to mean it.

You played games, shared stories. You’d grappled and curled, not the way vikings could, but the way two hiccups did, a long, long time ago.

If he didn’t, well… You had all the time in the world to leave, to start again. But you didn’t think you could. You could go weeks without seeing him, and then sometimes it would be every other day.

This was it.

“I do love you,” He choked out, wheezing as you adjusted, your weight pressing against his chest. He glanced back at you, crumbling a little bit.

He spent a lot of time here, now. A lot more than before. With the time spent traveling in between, as he said it, it was a wonder he got anything done there at all. Most of his time was spent above mapping the islands or down here with you.

You read what his body language told you; he was insecure.

“... Do you love me?”

“I do.” Hesitantly, you nodded, “I do.” Was that even a question?

You trusted him. You didn’t trust him. You had no way to know if he stabbed you in the back again. Went back to Astrid. You didn’t really have a way to know if that’s what he did, every time he left.

You loved him, didn’t you?

He didn’t know that? Maybe not always and not all at once, since you left. You hadn’t done a very good job of making him know it. You hadn’t a lot of reason to.

Did you love him now?

You marveled at how easy it was to be around him, with him. It wasn’t the same as it was before, but it was still good. It could almost be better. You, against everything, wanted it. You wanted it so bad.

“I’d leave it all behind, for you,” Hiccup said.

You would make him know it.

“You would?” You asked, “Would you?”

You laid your heart bare to him, stitched and spiked. And you, as he said it, implied it, maybe you held his.

“Do you want me to?” He asked. He tugged lightly on one of the draws to your tunic, faking interest in it as he worried the inside of his cheek. You didn’t want his home, or his family.

“I don’t want anything,” You scoffed dismissively. You wanted his honesty. You wanted to know that he was yours. Yours truly. That was it.

Prove it. You urged him on, Prove it to me.

He smiled that goofy, awkward smile, half teeth and all closed at the edges. You could tell he was trying hard not to falter. You hadn’t seen that smile in such a long time.

Know me, You asked.

“So… Do you? Do you love me?” He asked again, offering his hand up to your face. His fingers were scabbed, and dirty and you leaned into his palm, pushing it down as he tangled his fingers clumsily into the roots of your hair. You pressed your lips together, again, again and over again until neither of you could breathe.

Have me, You pleaded.

“I do,” You gasped into his mouth, “I really, really do.” You offered no resistance. Not this time.

Love me.

There was no coming back.

(Deep in your mind, you wondered if maybe, possibly, he already did.)

Twelve months. Twelve months since he’d found you.

Hiccup stood at the edge of Berk, armor packed away in favor of a lighter tunic. He often wondered what it would have been like, if he’d really run away with you like he’d intended.

If things would have ended up the same.

Would he have seen you in time? In time for what he had now? For this?

No. no, probably not.

…

His father would notice. His mother might.

His father was fine. And now he had his mother. They were old, but they were tough. They could have a new kid. Or maybe they’d convince Snotlout or Astrid to take the mantle.

They’d-everyone-would be fine without him.Who was he kidding? He’d spent so long working so hard and they didn’t need him at all. And if he was honest, He didn’t need them.

He didn’t really care. Not anymore. He let go.

Life would go on just fine without him, just as it did before him and just as it would long after his name was lost to time. His distance only proved it. He spent so long away he’d been practically excommunicated again.

After a little bit of irritation, his travels became just another one of his quirks.

‘Oh, look, there’s Hiccup. Oh, well, he’s off again.’ He was barely missed. And rightly so. It was by his own doing, really. That was fine by him. In fact, It worked in his favor.

It was borderline hysterical how, the moment they found more furies, and his new paramour, Toothless went from devil’s advocate to his most eager accomplice.

The Sand Wraiths were especially cool… It cost him a lot less fish to get there now. To you.

Sometimes he had to wonder why he’d been so attached to Berk. Working for things that ultimately, he didn’t care about. Everything that kept him here, he also had with you. When he was here, all he wanted was to go back out.

A pebble-sized ball of guilt coil in his stomach. It used to be worse. But, he’d talked to you about it. The engagement.

The engagement with Astrid. The one that was basically moot at this point, anyways. She might even slap him if he brought it up, to expect anything after he’d left her for so long. Truly, officially. all he’d had to do was end it. He left a letter nearby her family home; they would find it if they bothered to search for him.

A scummy trick, yes. Was he a coward for doing it? Maybe. But he was a smart coward. He wasn’t lying when he’d told you that no one knew.

Hiccup exhaled, bouncing up and down on his heel and peg, as if to psych himself up. To dispel all of his nervous, excited energy.

It was a clear day, no risk of a storm. He strapped his saddle pack to Toothless. It was only slightly larger than usual, so as not to arouse suspicion, of course, but it held all of his essentials. Leatherworking tools, metalworking tools, more tools, his armor, spare armor, spare foot, spare charcoal. The small plush his mother had made for him as a child. His viking helmet, for memory’s sake.

Slung over his shoulder was a smaller pack with just his compass and his coin.

As the two of you grew closer and closer, it only made his decision more and more certain.

He wasn’t meant to be Chief. He wasn’t cut out for this life at all. He didn’t want this life. He wanted you.

As far as anyone else was concerned, you’d long since disappeared and now he had the feeling it was time for him to do the same.

He took a deep breath, one that pushed his lungs to his ribs. Then like his bag, he flung himself over Toothless’ saddle before he took off from Berk for the last time, closing his eyes. He’d left his helmet off this time so he felt the beating wind rip through his hair.

The two of you were there, half hidden from view under a large red plume. It was wasm, and your perspiring skin was trapped under hollow armor, same as his.

You gasped, hot air mingling every time his breath hit your face. The two of you huffed and panted as he pushed you unto the dirt and you pushed back, feeling the moss tickle your face and the backs of your hand.

Not your back, though. Just hands.

Gripped, interlaced fingers pressed firmly down by your head, sweaty palms melded to his. He’d been the one in charge, today.

He was hunched over you, his trousers unbuckled and unlaced as he pressed downwards, forwards, gently and not.

A line of sweat ran down your cheek. Your eyelids fluttered. His breath caught.

Men shouted their battle cries into the dark, never ending sky as Berk was set in flames. A skull, still fresh with blood and exposed brain, broke with a sickening, wet crunch as Stoick ground his head into it, bringing mercy to the poor, damaged creature.

“There is no fury here,” He bellowed as he towered menacingly against the hulking wall of flames by his door. Three Deathgrippers and their tails lay cut, prone and slain around him.

“We’ll see about that,” Grimmel crooned, standing tall with his hands linked behind his back, looking down on him with two more dragons hissing and spitting by his sides.

Sharp talons dug into the wood of the rafters, Cloudjumper’s head turning steering around as he hung by her feet. Valka, masked and fully covered, crouched down from where she was, nestled at the bend of his tail. She pulled her arms back, getting her hook, sharp and serrated, ready for a wicked swing.

Yes, he would see. She’d make sure of it.

#hiccup haddock #hiccup x reader #how to train your dragon #httyd #x reader #fanfiction #httyd imagine #toothless #fem reader #gender neutral reader #female reader #male reader

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escespace · 4 months ago

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Merthur prompt

Or rather, a long concept that has been going around in my head since I saw a tiktok but that I don't have the energy or time to write:

BUT LISTEN TO ME, I HAVE NOT FOUND ANYTHING LIKE THAT:

The king who seeks his warlock, the warlock who seeks his king. Two halves trying to become a whole again through two parallel growth journeys and a convergence between duty and hope.

So...

Merlin pretends to be heading for Camelot but he definitely isn't going there. I mean, IT'S THE KINGDOM KNOWN FOR ROAST BUNNY ON FIRE SEASONED WITH SORCERERS (he loved his mother but is that woman out of her mind?!)... However, he understands why she came up with the idea and agrees that his magical outbursts are becoming harder to conceal, so he wants to seek help (other than that of an ex-sorcerer who remains under the command of the chief butcher of his kind). He wants to find druids but he knows it will be a difficult journey, druids never stay in one place long enough and they distrust outsiders. Either way, he's already made up his mind and he never backs down when he does that.

Meanwhile Arthur's taking Morris to Gaius because the idiot moved at the last minute while he was practicing throwing knives.And it's totally his fault and not Arthur's. How dare him doubt the ability of his prince? Ha! As if Arthur could fail.

He knows he's going to be late for the banquet and his father will look at him in that way he does and well, it better not be that late, right? So he takes other routes and somehow ends up near where that magnificent entertainment is staying, that Morgana kept talking about but that he didn't listen to at all...

He hears the commotion in one of the rooms and ends up stopping a crime and finds evidence of a possible assassination attempt on the royal family. More or less, Arthur stops the whole fiasco with Lady Helen before it happens.

While they take her to the dungeons to burn her the next morning, she growls, attacks and curses the Pendragon ancestors... Above all, that night Arthur does not stop listening to her again and again claiming for the life of her son, burned that same morning :

«It wasn't Him, it was my magic, it wasn't Him »

And for the first time in his life Arthur asked himself a question related to magic...

Weeks go by and for Merlin things may not be going the way he thought they would. He has been living on just one meal a day and sometimes manages to pick up work in passing villages in exchange for lodging for a couple of nights; but mostly he tries to stay in the woods. It's not that he know much about living off the wild, but He has been through tough times before, not big deal, and for some reason there's something very comforting about being constantly surrounded by nature too.

Almost any discomfort would be acceptable if it weren't for the freaking unicorn that never stops following him. And aren't they supposed to be a sign of good fortune or something? Then why has it been the cause of all his calamities so far? First the overestimated horse tore one of his shirts while dragging him across the grass, and it's not like he's in a position to lack of anything without having money and with the cold nights he usually faces. Then the animal he fought with him until push him into a river whose watercourse rolled him around like a lady's garment during the wash. The last encounter ended when I lead Merlin towards some bandits Merlin did what he could. He knocked most of them down, causing branches to fall on them and their feet to get caught in roots. But one managed to get close enough to knock him until leaving him confounded, then the others who were not so bruised joined in the beating and Merlin could do nothing.

Intense emotions, deep reflections on his identity and self-worth until he is finally saved by an blonde woman. The lady said at most three words and all the bandits fell asleep.

An exchange of words that I can't come up with but ends with the woman telling him that she didn't do it for free, that he should pay with her neckerchief. Merlin doesn't understand but he's hurt and tired so he no protest

(Pause to say that in defense of the unicorn, he was just looking to steer Merlin in the direction of his destiny coughcoughArthurcoughcough, and Merlin didn't make it easy for him)

Days later the thing with Valiant and nobody suspects anything, nobody is there to save the ass of our favorite brat. But a Old lady follows him around like a duck all morning treating him like a adorable and helpful young man (much as a grandma style) until he bends to accept a ☆favor☆, yes that one... You and I know where she got it, Arthur doesn't and he doesn't know how unique and special that little piece of cloth can be.

No one sees anything strange in this favor because the old woman gave it to him in a very public place and everyone assumes that the prince is just being chivalrous

But the scarf ends up being what protects Arthur from Valiant's shield just because I say so and the magic of fiction stories and Merlin and his neckerchiefs have a special connection so its essence or whatever is still there

The story would extend to the first encounters between Merlin and the druids, Merlin and his father (a meeting before time to give them their due quality time and badass moments). He having the opportunity to forge his own identity and an independent path. On the other hand, Arthur discovering aspects of magic on his own to create his own criteria and value system. HE COULD EVEN BE THE FIRST TO TALK TO THE GREAT DEAGON!!!!

Forget that, Arthur is definitely the first to talk to the great dragon and learn of the prophecy. And listening to how it sounds, without many details and as critical as only Kilgharrah can be, plus the fact that he is only told about a certain Emrys and not about if is a wizard or witch or sorcerer or him or her...he comes to the same conclusion as us: That Emrys is his other half, "SHE" IS HIS SOULMATE... Oh man when they meet...

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gayhorrorsans · 12 days ago

Text

THIS WAS MADE ABOUT 5 MONTHS AGO, MY WRITNG IS BETTER NOW. I HAVE NOT PROOF-READ OR EDITED THIS. IT WILL BE CRINGEY. SORRY

Initially requested by @dustcrumbs

tw for implied suicide, injury, unrequited love, homophobia and potentially more. Reader discretion is advised

---------------

Love would never work. That's what Phantom Papyrus always told Dust. 'What's the point in trying when no one will love you.' At first it was whatever, Dust coped fine. However the relentless bashing, the constant mentioning that you weren't even worthy of as much as 'Hello' or 'How are you?' hurt. Like being beat across the head with a baseball bat. And this didn't stop, it never did. Even after Dust met Nightmare. It got worse. Any positive emotion Dust felt to anyone, something as little as respect, his brother would berate him for. That's why Dust never talked. He was always having someone in his ear constantly. Calling him every profanity under the sun. Nothing could help. No medication in the world would keep him productive whilst eliminating his brother. He refused to get rid of the scarf, as much as it hurt him it was the only thing that helped him hang on.

With the addition of Killer the group felt more like a group instead of just a sort of hitman for hire. He, Killer and Nightmare. Killer was the opposite of Dust in some ways. He was talkative, sometimes too talkative. Dust never cared, he'd just let Killer go on. Sometimes he would flirt for the sake of it. An emotionless being had no clue how much his words would impact someone like Dust. From this point Papyrus had only been calling him mean names, and making fun of him, lecturing him as to how no one to ever exist would ever love him. Dust hadn't said a word to Papyrus since a year after the human stopped RESETing. After Dust read upon schizophrenia during his endless time alone he learnt not to antagonize the hallucinations. Whatever, Dust dealt with it in any way possible. If listening to Killer babble on about whatever made him happy he'd do it. It gave him something to focus on besides the red scarf screaming the same things at him.

With Nightmare and Killer it never really mattered, he had no attraction to them. After Cross joined, Dust had a lot more of Papyrus screaming at him. Nearly 24 hours a day he was moments from tears. Not because the insults upset him. Not because the fact it was Papyrus. But because it was annoying. Imagine trying to sleep, not being able to because all you hear is constant speaking, screaming in your ear all the time. It would never stop. Twenty-Four hours a day. Seven days a week. It got no better when Error became a sort-of member. Papyrus only got worse. The more time he spent around men, the more Papyrus acted up. Whenever he went out alone, or was around some kind of genderbent AU, Papyrus never spoke. It annoyed Dust, what was so different about them? He had a suspicion Papyrus didn't like homosexuality in any way for a while, but had no explicit proof, nor did he have any proof at all still. He had no evidence to back it up. Plus, he still refused to burn the scarf.

The final member joined. Horror. Dust wasn't there when Horror entered for the first time. Nor was he there the day after. But the third day in he was eating breakfast. Papyrus was being quiet. His soul was calm. It was very early after all, before Nightmare would even leave his room. Then he looked up, seeing a larger skeleton, at least a foot taller than him, maybe two, who easily weighed 5 times Dust's size, was making a coffee. His back turned to Dust. Dust's soul skipped a beat. He was enamoured, no, he was. He was. In love. Horror was, physically sculpted. Strong, built, and looked like he could knock Dust out in a second. With every strength comes a weakness of course, Dust was aware that Horror had quite weak magic, barely being able to use bone attacks, with most of his magic going to teleportation and keeping his body alive.

Horror hadn't noticed Dust's stare. He was still waiting for the kettle to boil. Dust immediately pulled the tassels of his hoodie, hiding his face from Horror and anyone who may walk in. He was, silently hyperventilating. His face bright with purple, a deep mauve. Speckled with little bits of dark purple glitter. Like freckles. Each monsters pattern was unique, Dust's wasn't anything special, but still pretty. As he tried to manage the speed of his soul, Papyrus caught on to what was happening. Safe to say he wasn't pleased. But Dust managed to zone him out as Horror turned around with his coffee and sat down. Dust managed to calm down enough to where the purple had faded to a very light dusting, it could be tossed up to him being embarrassed about meeting someone new.

Horror spoke first, stirring his coffee before leaning back and placing the stirrer back on the coffee set. "So, Dust? Murder?... given couple names... f'er you." He spoke slowly and in small bits, easier to process. Dust didn't ask why, nor bothered thinking about it much. He just loved the way that Horror spoke, mesmerising. Everything from his accent, a deep rustic sounding. Not like Dust used to sound. The two clearly had different surroundings after their timeline. He spoke far deeper than Dust, and Dust had a deep voice. Horror was similar to Nightmare in how he spoke, without the distortion of Nightmares voice. Horror was far less formal, colloquialised terms or contractions were stuff that he seemed to used often. "Either. M-mostly address myself as Dust. Murder's more a... formal name." Dust stuttered, he silently cursed himself. How could he just embarrass himself in front of the hottest hunk he has ever met. He hoped the other wouldn't notice. Horror was just staring at his coffee before Dust spoke, but stared at his eyes, morning eyes. Horror had just woken up not too long ago. He was still tired, but the look he gave Dust made him almost squeal like he fanboying over this man. He controlled himself just barely, pressing his legs together to try use some of his energy without Horror seeing. "Mm. Murder... Nice ring to it." He smiled, taking a small sip of his drink again, looking back at Dust. "Dust... use that then.... f'er now." He chuckled a bit, causing Dust to have to press his fists together under the table, desperately trying to distract himself and not make some embarrassing sound or giggle that would make him sound creepy. Oh God, what if Horror thought he was creepy? Or weird? What would he do? He tried to not focus on that, instead attempting to smile at Horror, failing miserably, his face was still covered in that shadow. "Mm? Early... you go bed?" Horror gave him a reason to excuse himself, Dust nodded, apologising and walked to his room, running when he was out of earshot of the kitchen. He sat down in his room, locking the door and panting as he sat down on his bed. "Pathetic. You've fallen for someone that easily." His brother started to speak. Papyrus clearly didn't approve of the idea. "It's... he's different. Just stay out of it." Dust actually replied to his Papyrus, for the first time in years. He shouldn't have really. That let Papyrus know that this got to Dust. "A fucking man no less. You know you're a man too? Or did you forget that too." Papyrus laughed at himself, Dust didn't entertain it. "I like him. Shut your fat fucking mouth and stay out of it." Even 2 weeks ago Dust would have never dreamed of insulting any, never mind his own, Papyrus.

"Oh I see how it is. You prefer him over me? Let me guess you won't kill him will you. Well remember why you joined here. To get EXP." "No. That's not why I joined." Dust held his head, his breathing getting faster, he was wishing he never responded to Papyrus. He grabbed the scarf and threw it on the floor, rubbing it into the ground under his shoe.

"I try to help you and you ignore me. They will betray you Sans. You're just some low level, nothing faggot." Dust froze. "What." Phantom repeated himself. "I said. I try to help you and you ignore me. They will betray you Sans. You're just some low level, nothing faggot."

Dust stood up and grabbed the scarf. He marched out, unlocking the door and leaving the castle. He walked past Horror who was still drinking his coffee and outside where the group gathered for a fire every now and again. He poured some gasoline onto the scarf, and lit a piece of string which led to it. In a few seconds. The scarf went bursting up in flames. Causing Dust to squint slightly. He walked back a bit as he heard Papyrus scream, slowly. Very slowly, the screams faded. Then silence. He turned around and nearly fell backwards. Stepping back as he had just walked into Horror. How the fuck did he get there without Dust realising? "O-oh- s-sorry!" He apologised. Horror shook his head and held out a single buttercup to Dust. It was tiny in the giants hand. Dust took a moment to understand what was going on, the world began to shake as he heard a laugh.

"You really thought you could get rid of me that easily? Your own brother Sans." Phantom floated behind Horror, the giant not knowing because it was a hallucination. Dust immediately bolted past Horror, running away. Horror looked back to see him gone. The brute frowned. His first attempt at showing affection ruined in a mere instant. He teleported back to his own room and gently placed the buttercup in some powder, then some water to grow some roots. At least the plant could live on.

Dust immediately went back to his room. "Why. Won't you. Leave me. Alone." Phantom laughed at that. "I won't let my brother die due to his own poor choices."

Dust tossed a knife in the direction of Papyrus, the knife sticking itself in the wall. He ignored him. Tried to ignore him. He napped, something he rarely did these days. Papyrus screaming at him to stop being lazy and go get EXP. Dust managed to zone it out. Until he couldn't. Nightmare told Horror to go get Dust for dinner, and Horror turned up outside his door. Knocking.

Knocking.

A set of knocks later Horror groaned, he wasn't so gentle this time, practically punching the door, sending a vibration all through Dust's room (and a very loud noise too). That woke Dust up. Just as Dust was about to complain he realised who it was. He got up and exited the room. "Sorry... was asleep." Horror nodded, letting Dust walk in front of him. It was a long walk from where Dust was to the kitchen. Horror paused Dust, holding his jacket with a finger. He could tell Dust was on edge. He crouched down slightly and held his arms out to him. Just a hug, nothing more.

Dust didn't respond nicely. Papyrus' words from earlier really got to him. He, although very pathetically, pushed Horror. Horror didn't move an inch, but Dust ran after he pushed Horror, teleporting to the kitchen as soon as he could. Horror shrugged, walking to the kitchen at his own pace. He did question why though. Why was Dust acting like that? He seemed nice this morning, why was he all angry and moody. Had he done something? Maybe it was the buttercup he had given him. Had it offended him? He wanted to apologise, not over dinner though. The frail skeleton looked like he could faint any minute when Horror saw him. It didn't matter now. Horror approached the kitchen and leaned into the room, Dust was shaking on his stool. The others weren't looking at the moment. Horror went up to him. "'m sorry." He mumbled, crouching near him, pretending to pick something up off the floor.

Dust barely responded, simply shuffling a bit. No verbal confirmation of forgiveness came from him. Horror didn't need to apologise, and he didn't even tell him that. Dust was being warped and shifted by Papyrus without even realising. Horror shrugged. "Don't getcha." He stated, grabbing his food and walking away. He didn't lose anything he felt for Dust. But the tiny skeleton was being annoying to him. So he just left.

Dust was shaking. He had just upset Horror. He didn't know how to feel. The world was so busy, colours. Bright colours. The kitchen red and blue. Indigo, violet. Night time sky. Bright. Happy. Joy. Yeah. That's right. Joy. Levelling up. Dust was now faceplanted on the table, giggling to himself, to anyone else he looked creepy, but he was seeing everything. Experiences had become sort of 3rd person. He felt like he wasn't in his own body, seeing someone play out his life. Watching them make choices. He watched as he faded in and out of consciousness, barely able to breathe as he made choking noises. The extremely loud noises drew the attention of the others, who managed to shake him back to reality. Not without difficulty. It was like he had overdosed on something, had withdrawals. He hadn't taken anything. What was it. Was he just that fucked up mentally?

He thanked the others for their kindness, apologising as he stood up and went to his room. The world was dull to him now, even the others, their normal brightly coloured eyes, or in the case of killer, his red knives he carried, were dull. Not as in the sharpness of the knives, the colour. They seemed more pale or more dark. It was truly hard to describe, but Dust wasn't sure what it was anyway. He tried to not focus on how bad he was getting by climbing back into bed. Heading back to sleep at a more reasonable time.

----------------

Horror hadn't slept. Not because he couldn't, but because he normally doesn't sleep for very long, and the night prior he had slept for about 3 times as long as he normally does. He had gone out in the night to an AU he quite liked visiting. Farmtale. He was good friends with the Sans from their. He had paid him in advance for a special bouquet of purple iris flowers, verbana and asters. It was expensive, and beautiful. Horror gave Farm a hug, before leaving. Tipping him an extra bit before he did. He returned back to the castle and placed them in some water with some auxins to propagate root growth. Then he returned to his own room to grab the buttercup, which due to the magical nature of the auxins - mixed with some magic of course- had already grown roots.

Nightmare had a garden near the castle. A little greenhouse in it too. He had given Horror permission to grow any flowers he wanted, so long as they were dull or dark colours. Purples and reds were fine, but the yellow buttercup would have broken the rules. So he used a small amount of plant-safe food dye, and splashed red onto it, making it appear to be a blood splattered plant. He would of course inform Nightmare as soon as he awoke to ask if it was fine, but at the moment, the little buttercup sat in the soil and it was pretty.

Horror had also prepared a new gift, that would arrive in the early morning, around 9-10am. He was unsure as to why, he felt this way towards Dust. Someone who clearly wasn't interested, nor even like Horror. Every time they spoke after the first interaction was barely anything. Not to mention they hadn't met a long time ago, it was only the second day. Horror was, somehow, determined to try and win Dust. Although deep down he knew, it wouldn't work.

He sat in the kitchen, the bouquet of flowers in front of him. He waited for Dust. He presumed the skeleton would expect him to be up at a similar time as the day before. So Horror believed Dust would try come an hour before to get his breakfast. And so Horror waited. And he was right. He was sat there with his coffee as Dust walked in. "Morn' Murder."

Dust froze up. Despite him allowing Horror to use the name, it still shocked him. Not to mention how he didn't think Horror would even be up. He tried to ignore him, giving in further to his Papyrus. He grabbed some bread and toasted it. He buttered it and sat down at the opposite corner of the table from Horror. Not even looking at him. He knew Horror could snap his neck if he wanted to. He should be thanking him, but again, didn't.

Horror slid the flowers to Dust, smiling as he drank his coffee, finishing it. He watched as the other looked at the flowers, examining them. Then finishing his toast. Horror had placed the flowers in a beautiful vase. It looked as if it came from royalty. It wouldn't be surprising to hear it to be one of Nightmare's old antiques. Dust grabbed it. And threw it back at Horror. Hitting him square in the forehead with it, the glass shattered. Horror didn't move for a moment. Dust froze as well. Horror moved his eyes to face Dust. And Dust was gone. Teleported away immediately. Horror twitched his skull a bit, groaning as he reached his hand deep into his skull through his eye, grabbing a few glass shards that had landed in there. He felt his eye go a bit fuzzy. The glass must have hit and cut it. He stood up and started to clean up the mess. He grabbed a sweeping brush and collected all the glass into a pile, then shovelled it into the bin, taking the bin outside and placing into the larger outdoor bin they had. They would then take that to whatever AU to dump it there or recycle it. But not now. Horror walked back inside and finished cleaning. He looked at the bouquet and sighed. Whatever. He grabbed it and went back to Farmtale.

He walked into Farm's barn, despite it being 3am in that AU. He went to Farm's room, knocked and entered. Farm slept very little through the night anyway. He silently gave Farm the bouquet, handing him another small amount of money to apologise for wasting his time. He then left after immediately, not allowing Farm to say anything. He finished wiping down and drying any water that was on the floor or counter and it looked like nothing had happened. Horror then walked towards the garden again. He sat down, catching a glimpse of himself in the reflection of the greenhouse. He looked and, didn't react much verbally, but he was seething. Dust had shattered a bit more of his skull, which wasn't the main thing that annoyed him. It was now, the crack has expanded so much, it was now connected to his eye socket. That's probably why Dust ran away so fast.

He kept his cool, not expressing his anger in any way. He watched the plants move about in the wind a bit and smiled. When he was angry back in Horrortale, he often went to Farm. He did work, but when Farm screamed at him to stop working - or else he would be drastically overworked - he would sit down outside, often with the flowers. Red spider lilies. Farm told him how they signified death to some people, Chrysanthemums too. Horror remembered always questioning him, they were all such pretty flowers. How could someone assign such horrible attributes to a flower? It didn't make sense to Horror, but they fit with Nightmares garden. And they were more than beautiful. They fit so well. Horror looked more out of place than they did. He stayed there for a few hours before he heard someone shout his name. He got up and packed away the chair, folding it up and sliding it into the greenhouse. He slowly followed the sound to the kitchen.

Dust and the others were sat down, everyone besides Dust were eating breakfast. As Horror walked in, everyone was caught staring at him, besides Dust. Horror looked badass, but that doesn't make a difference when he should have died about 10 times by now with how large his crack had grown. He was flooded with multiple questions, he shushed everyone, saying he would explain to Nightmare shortly, and to everyone else when he saw fit. He turned to Dust after everyone had calmed down slightly, seeing him have a look of sheer horror on his face. Horror shrugged, turning back to the front door as he checked the time, the delivery was due, he waited outside for the delivery. Mail Sans, a nice sans, quite generous and laid back. One of the only people who wasn't scared to deliver things to places like Dreamtale or even Dusttale. Horror tipped him, not a custom to do with delivery services but Horror felt like it. And with how this next thing would go, he wanted to at least have someone happy.

He walked inside and waited for everyone to leave besides Dust. He sat down at the table. He handed the parcel over to him.

Dust was confused, why was he still trying. He didn't like this fool... he didn't... he did. No. He didn't of course he didn't. He wasn't gay. He wasn't... no. Horror wasn't good enough for him. He knew that now. Horror was pathetic, cheap EXP even someone like Dust could feel bad for. Despite that, he felt like... he didn't know. But every time Dust came close to feeling sympathy for Horror, or even love. Papyrus would speak, quickly changing Dust's mind. Like a puppet. He opened the box, finding a knife set. It was, beautiful. Some of the most expensive, high quality knives he had ever laid his eyes upon. There was 5 sets of knives. One was for Dust, it even had a little personalised note on top. A cute little illustration of him and Horror. Each of them had one, but his was dead centre and looked to prettiest. Dust looked at it and opened the knife set for himself. Inside were 8 knives. From small knives, to a decent sized knife Dust would most likely use, to a bread knife and a carving knife. Expensive. Each knife looked pristine, easily worth £150 each. Dust examined the knife. And in an almost robotic motion, felt the handle, grabbed it, and threw it in the direction of Horror.

Horror would have taken it but dodged to prove a point. He snatched them back off Dust, then grabbed him by his shirt, lifting him up to eye level. He stared at him. His eyes not tired, lazy, nor attractive anymore. They were aggression. Pure aggression. Horror dropped him, turning away and letting Dust do whatever. He grabbed the knife sets and put them back in the box. "never asked.... for love... you could have.... said no." He walked away, directly to Nightmares room. He was uninterested in Dust now. He had tried. Little things like hugs. He had even gone into Dust's room when he wasn't there for the first few days to try introduce himself. Each time with a small box of chocolates. Dust was never there. Horror had tried these past few days. Each attempt was met with refusal. Even non-romantic things. A hug. Dust ran away from a hug. Whatever.

Horror approached Nightmares room and knocked, once he was granted entry, he handed Nightmare a knife set. The same one Dust got, a similar illustration too. It was to thank him for allowing him to come here. He assured Nightmare this wasn't some kind of last minute thing before he quit. However, he sat down and spoke. He wasn't good at speaking, so he signed by pointing at certain things to get most of his words out. He pointed at his crack, specifically the part where Dust had injured it. He then pointed at a vase with some flowers in, then signalled that he gave Dust the vase, by pretending to give Nightmare one, then stood up, in place of Dust, and threw the pretend vase directly where he was just sitting. "m... just wanted... to at least... be friends.." Nightmare nodded in response, thinking. He stood up and thanked Horror for the knife set. He apologised for Dust, insisting he would not only keep a close eye, but were he to personally witness anything, he would do the exact same thing Dust did to him, but 10 times, and with 5 times as much force each time. Infighting in his group was something Nightmare despised. For his own selfish reasons of course, but you can't run a group with constant fighting. Horror accepted the response and bowed his head towards Nightmare to signify respect, then left.

He walked quite a while to get to his next destination. Nightmares room was very out of the way from everyone else's. He eventually found his way to Cross' room. He knocked on the door, and entered. He smiled as he greeted Cross, handing him a knife set, with the same little illustration of Horror and whoever was handing it to. He sat down on the floor for a quick second, reorganising the box as he had placed all the loose knives in the box, so he didn't want to stab himself, so he placed them all at one side. He also did the same thing he did with Nightmare. Although, didn't mention name, or hinted at who it could be. He repeated this with Error and Killer. Error would have less use for a knife set compared to someone like Killer, but Error could use them for cooking.

After doing this with everyone, he went back to the kitchen, packed up his knives and went to his room. He tossed the box on the bed and immediately went to Dust's room. He knocked on the door. Nothing. That was all he needed to know. Dust didn't feel anything, no remorse, no sadness, nothing. As much as it hurt Horror (and it did), his attraction to Dust, was just that, an attraction. Dust's attraction to him, was an obsession. Horror didn't even know Dust liked him, he had a slight suspicion at the start from the others faint purple blush but whatever. It didn't matter now. It won't ever again. It won't ever be the same. Horror grabbed the knife set, and teleported out. He went to Farm. It was the only AU where he felt comfort. He walked into Farm's kitchen, knowing he would be there. It was nice.

"Hey big guy, how are y'all a-doin'?" Farm chimed, walking up to Horror, who handed him the box, with the knives left stray. Horror got down on his knees and hugged Farm.

"'m sorry...." He mumbled into the others shoulder. Big ol' softie he was. He could be anyway. He apologised for the knives not being in a proper box and just the crooked old cardboard from the delivery. He apologised for there only being 7, not 8. The 8th was ruined when Dust threw it into the wall. "Hey hey, you're fine. Ay promise ya." He gently patted Horror's back, this wasn't what he expected today, nor was it last night. He gently looked at Horror, leaning back to do so. He smiled softly, rubbing his face, "y'er eye?" Horror nodded, he tried to mumble what happened, but couldn't do it coherently, as he kept getting overwhelmed emotionally each time he did so. He mumbled, crying a little, then stopping himself. Farm thought for a second. "Ya tell anyone else?" Horror nodded. "Bring em 'ere, or we go to them!" Horror thought for a second. The only person he had said the name to was Nightmare. Whilst Nightmare didn't exactly dislike Farm, they had no positive feelings with each other.

Horror grabbed Farm's hand and teleported to Cross, who was able to more coherently say what happened than Horror was, after they left, Horror was able to mumble who did it. Whilst the answer wasn't surprising, it still was slightly shocking. Dust had appeared to be getting better. With his very few interactions with any of the Bad Sanses he knew that Dust was more sane and safer to be around. Clearly not. They returned back to Farmtale and Farm let Horror know that he could stay here any time he wanted, which Horror immediately took the offer on.

Throughout the week he had numerous missions to complete, none with Dust. Nightmare didn't put them on the same one. But that week showed how strong Horror was. Not only was he just terrifying, which inflicted negative emotions on their own. He could work his magic in multiple ways. Being able to haunt people at night in their AU's by hiding in a crack between their mostly closed curtains, making them paranoid someone was watching them. He could hide under some peoples beds, breathing at times they weren't to make them uncomfortable, which would eventually grow into absolute fear. Eventually Horror finished his first full week. Nightmare was very impressed.

One person who wasn't. Dust. Dust had slowly started to realise that Papyrus was acting that way out of selfishness. Dust was fine and could perform well with a relationship. He, was prepared to apologise to Horror, but because he almost never slept their during the week after what he did, he was unable to.

------

A few weeks had passed. Dust had seen Horror a few times, but the larger skeleton never even looked at him. It slowly started to dawn on Dust that, he had lost Horror. The person who he was literally head over heels for. He had lost him. All because. He listened. To a hallucination. Dust had lost the man who would have been his lover, if he had common sense. If he accepted Horror's advances. He laughed at himself. No this couldn't be true. It was a dream surely. It was all just a dream. He pinched himself, poked himself, hit himself. It wasn't a dream.

It wasn't a dream

It was real.

He had lost Horror.

No. No, Horror wasn't with anyone. So, over time they could build a bond back up. Right? He grabbed onto his jacket and tried to control his breathing, barely being able to at this point. He tried to bring himself to a more sane position. Papyrus had gone. Once he did his damage, he went. And Dust certainly believed he would never come back. He didn't know why he thought this, he just did.

He paused. He was in the kitchen. Horror had just walked in. He was about to get up. Go apologise. He had finally built up the courage. He was finally going to do it. He didn't expect forgiveness, but he wanted to try. He approached Horror an-. Horror wasn't alone. He was with someone. With another AU. Farm. Of course. I mean, why would Horror wait for Dust to apologise. There were always better options for him. Dust was one of possible hundreds. He was easily in the bottom third of the pile while Farm was easily top 5. And now, he had lost his chance.

He loved Horror. No, he needed him. He had never felt like that with someone ever. Not one other person gave him the same feeling that Horror did. No one could ever make him as happy as Horror. No one could bring him to his knees quite like Horror. No one could intimidate him like Horror. Horror was the best in everything to Dust. And, someone else gets that now. He's happy for Farm, sure. But, were it not for him still loving Horror. He would plunge a knife down his throat in seconds. He doesn't want to hurt Horror though. He wanted Horror in every way. And Papyrus prevented that. Dust went to the garden, pulled a flower out. And went back to the kitchen.

"H-Horror..." He spoke, attracting his attention. Dust held the flower behind his back as he spoke. "I've been... horrible. That puts it extremely lightly. I don't expect anything. But." He pulled out the buttercup that Horror had tried to give him at the start of this entire experience. The suspense was killing him. It felt like he was waiting hours for Horror to respond. Horror did wait a bit, but 5 seconds felt like 2 hours to Dust. Horror reached, and gently grabbed the buttercup. He looked at it, smiling. It was as beautiful as he remembered. The red splatters on it had faded slightly but it was still pretty.

Dust had his eyes closed, not ready for the response. He opened them slowly, met by Horror crouching down slightly. He held his arms out to Dust. To which Dust collapsed into them. He wasn't expecting forgiveness. In a way it hurt more. The love of his life forgave him for something. He wasn't the perfect partner he wanted to be. He wasn't going to end up with him. Bittersweet. He had forgiveness. That was good enough. To want more would be greedy right?. And so, Dust hung on for as long as he could, before Horror gently let him down. He rubbed the little guys head and thanked him, going to sit down with Farm. Dust nodded, and walked outside. He sat down on the steps. He had nothing to say anymore. He found his purpose. And lost it. No matter how hard he tried to convince himself that 'everything would be okay'. It wouldn't be. He was happy, for Horror. He loved him. But, a friendship isn't what Dust wanted. He went to his room, grabbed a pen and paper.

He wrote a note to each individual member of the group. Then he wrote to Horror.

'To My Love.

I, am sorry. I can't explain to you in words, on text or pages what you mean to me. I feel like until I met you, I lived in a world where I was blind, cold and deaf. When I met you, I could see, hear and feel warmth. Obviously not literally, but that's what it felt like.

You are, the most important thing to me. But being friends isn't going to help me. Do not feel guilty. I am a horrible person for what I put you through. I can't even bring myself to say your name. Hence why this letter is not addressed to you. I'm sorry. I can't say it enough really. I ruined my only chance of happiness in life. I won't have a chance to redeem it. I'm happy for you and Farm. I really am. But, to say I am jealous is to tell a blind person they need glasses. It's nowhere near the truth. I'm sorry for dumping all this on you at once. I let my hallucinations control me.

You, are the best thing that has happened to me. The few moments we had together in happiness were maybe just moments to you, but to me it was a new beginning. I would sit here now and tell you I would do anything for you. Be yours. Be a toy for you. I wouldn't be lying either. However I don't want to disrespect your relationship.

All My Love, Murder.'

He sent that letter to Farm's house, a red splatter on the back to signify it was for Horror. He did similar things with the rest. He walked out the front door. And kept walking. He walked until walking became too slow. Then he ran, until that became too slow. Then he teleported. He got as far away as he could from Nightmare's castle. He returned to Dusttale, and wrote 2 words on a piece of paper.

'Thank You.'

He left. He didn't know where he went. He just kept going until he was in a place where no one was. No one, not even Error had probably been this far. He stayed. He really did mean those words.

Thank You.

#cross sans #gayhorrorsans #sans au #horror sans #sans #dust sans #nightmare sans #farmer sans #writing #injury #unrequited love

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wavypotatochips · 2 years ago

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i love sergio so much, can u write another one? maybe where he likes to tease reader a lot but she’s very shy and introvert so sometimes he stops doing it because he might be scared he could offender her, like he’s very soft and lovey with her and maybe they both have a crush on each other ?

𝐀𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 | 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐨 𝐑𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐬

𝘗𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴: Sergio Ramos x Female Reader

𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 2.4k

𝘚𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺: You are a shy, introvert photographer who PSG hires to take pictures of the players. You have always had a soft spot for Sergio Ramos, even before you were hired. With more time spent together, your crush is just growing, especially considering how sweetly he treats you. One day, He believes he has overstepped the mark one day when he does something that makes you flee.

𝘈𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘦: I am so sorry for the wait!! (college has me in a chokehold rn) Of course I can write another! Thank you so much for requesting (: I'm not truly sure how to convey a very shy/ introverted individual, but I tried my best! Hope you like how I represent your idea ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚!!

[Translator Spanish is used- Note that translation may be wrong.]

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ♥

With just a few seconds remaining, the striker has a chance to score and is going to kick, but Sergio stops him, giving PSG the victory. You smile to yourself and raise your camera to your eyes while shooting pictures of everyone as the boys rush over to him to celebrate. In order to capture Ramos alone, you keep the camera raised while you wait for the ideal opportunity. As your wish is granted a short while later, you start snapping quickly. He turns to look at you and gives you a wink as you peek through the camera lens to take the picture. Your heart starts to beat quickly as a flush spreads over your cheeks. "Got any good shots?," Ricardo, one of the other photographers for PSG, inquires. Ricardo, who is your age, constantly makes an effort to start a short conversation with you despite the fact that he is aware that you might not be interested in talking. But, because you two work side by side all day, you are closer to him than the other employees. You don't say much to him; you just nod your head in return as you look down at the camera and start looking through the pictures you've shot. You are a PSG employee recruited to photograph them for the social media department. As you are far from an extrovert, it comes as a surprise to you that you even got the job. Yet, social media is to thank for your opportunity. As several of the player photographs appeared on the explore page and started going viral, someone from PSG's social media team came across your profile. The next thing you know, an interview has been scheduled, and the rest is history. With butterflies in your stomach, you take a bit longer than necessary to look at the picture you just shot of Sergio Ramos. As a spectator, you have always found Sergio Ramos to be handsome, and your emotions have only gotten stronger now that you have the chance to meet him in person and get to know him better. He never appeared to mind that you were shy, and he always adjusted how he interacted with you to make sure you were at ease, which was especially important given that you spend more than half of your time with guys. He always made sure you were comfortable, whether it was by ordering the boys to step aside when he knew you were too afraid to speak up or by leaving blue raspberry jolly ranchers on your desk when you weren't looking after noticing that you were thrilled to find a blue raspberry-flavored one day in a candy jar. He always shows you the greatest kindness, but you can never tell if it's because he likes you or is simply being nice. Even though you have the largest crush on him, your mind keeps tricking you and making you overly anxious to communicate with him more than half of the time you two speak. Despite your best efforts, it seems difficult for you to make a change.

“Y/N The team is heading back through the tunnel! We should make it back before they do tunnel shots.” Ricardo exclaims, giving you a small smile and then begins to jog towards the team tunnel. You give Ricardo a small smile as you nod your head, mentally thanking him for removing your focus from the picture of Sergio Ramos.

Sergio Ramos looks up at the bleachers and waves to everyone before gazing straight, his smile widening as he spots you walking into the team tunnel. He takes off his shirt and slings it over his shoulder, the adrenaline pumping through his veins from the exhilaration he felt. He sees you gaze down at the camera and as you move towards the tunnel, he starts to lightly jog in your way. He hopes you would compliment him on his outstanding save. Thousands of voices in the stadium have undoubtedly already applauded him, but the only words that will truly resonate with him are those that come from your mouth. He has always had his sights set on you ever since you were hired. As he is frequently surrounded by pretentious models, something about your timidity makes him feel like you are a breath of "new air," which makes him feel compelled to protect you. There hasn't been enough talk between you and him to qualify as a conversation. While he sees you as a fragile flower, he is unsure about how to approach you. The majority of the time, he makes an effort to imply that he is interested in you by showing you small acts of kindness. Other times, though, he will playfully tease you because he enjoys seeing how you respond, whether it be with a smile or a blush to the cheeks.

You hum to yourself as you enter the tunnel, keeping your distance from the players by walking close against the wall. Ramos' voice can be heard saying "Hey Y/N!" as his arm is wrapped around your neck and rests on your shoulder. You flinch a little in surprise at what he does. Your heart beats fast as you swallow anxiously and look up. Your body begins to heat up as your eyes contact him, your eyes instantly scanning down to his tattooed, shirtless torso, which is gleaming with sweat. When you glance up into his eyes, he smiles and winks at you from above. He smirks and leans in to whisper into your ear, “Me desempeñé bien hoy porque sabía que estabas mirando (I performed so good today because I knew you were watching.)” You let out a tiny laugh since you didn't know what to say or do. You look away as your brain begins to process how close you are to his bare chest, your heart is pounding rapidly as if it is going to burst out of your chest. You look around to try and find a way out of the circumstance you are now in, your breathing starts to get faster. Sergio obviously has no malicious intentions, but this is simply how your body responds. When he notices your irregular breathing, his smirk suddenly vanishes. "Y/N are you o-" he begins, but you hurriedly push his arm off your shoulder and move swiftly in the direction of the closest restroom. Ramos was unable to do anything but watch as you almost ran away from him, his joy leaving his body and being replaced with remorse.

And the fact that he did not see you for the rest of the evening only made him feel worse.

Meanwhile, in the restroom, your smile never fades as you recover your breath before squealing. “Oh my gosh,” you mutter to yourself, "Oh my Gosh, I can't believe that just happened!” You start whispering as you begin to recount all that just occurred. “I performed so well today for you, Y/N.” "Oh?-" you exclaim as you put your hand on your chest, “-for me?... How sweet of you. Deberías mirar las fotos que tomé hoy, te ves tan sexy(You should look at the pictures I took today, you look so hot.)” You remember the warmth that radiated from his covered in sweat body and giggle as you put your hand on the shoulder that his arm was on. That may seem disgusting, but hey, Sergio Ramos is Sergio Ramos, so even that is acceptable. Your grin then fades as you realize you are in the restroom and you glance in the mirror. You ran away from him yet again. A few weeks ago, you made a vow to yourself that you would talk to him and return his flirtations, but once again, your feet move more quickly than your lips. You groan and run your hands through your hair, too ashamed to even step back outside to see him at this point. "Next time you better speak out!," you say, pointing in the mirror at yourself. “You can do this!" You sigh once more as you realize you must return outside in order to provide the pictures you took on the field to the social media department. You expected your next opportunity to come later that night, but as soon as you went out of the bathroom, you ran into the manager of the media department and immediately began assisting them with their needs. The following day was a rest day, so there was no team meeting. Yet, as the day of the next team practice drew near, he didn't approach you to chat as he typically does. He might occasionally wave or crack a little smile at you, but he hardly ever even blinked an eye at you. You were saddened by this because you assumed that since he now thought you were awkward, he had lost interest in you.

Days have passed, and it is now officially two weeks since your last 'regular' interaction with one another. The guys are practicing right now, and you're back in the restroom, trying to convince yourself that you can talk to him. You are holding your camera and are dressed in black leggings with a PSG windbreaker because it is a little chilly outside due to the wind. You're pacing back and forth while telling yourself, “Okay Y/N…. you can do this…. How hard can it be? You talk to people all the time…. Maybe you can practice with Ricardo first…” You bite your bottom lip, trying not to let your nerves get the best of you because you haven't even attempted anything. You sigh and check your watch, realizing that practice is about to end and that you should head back to the field right now to take any last-minute shots. You give yourself one final nod of approval before heading outdoors to the practice fields.

You go down the hallways, your eyes widen as you start to hear a lot of voices, and you start to walk quickly. Of course they end practice early the day I don't need them too, you think to yourself. You witness Ramos pouring water into his mouth outside, still without a shirt. You want to scream at the sight, but you decide against it and carry on walking. YAs you start to move, you are too preoccupied with your thoughts to notice that you are walking right toward him. “Y/N?” You become aware that you are once more in front of a shirtless Sergio Ramos when he asks a question. Your mouth starts to open and close as if you are a fish out of water as you attempt to conceal the sound of your rapid heartbeat. Come on, say something! Your mouth starts to open and close as if you are a fish out of water as you attempt to conceal the sound of your rapid heartbeat. Come on, say something! Sergio Ramos observes your frozen state for a few seconds before smiling and shaking his head. Before leaving, he puts his palm on top of your head and slightly messes up your hair. As you turn around and watch him walk away, you are upset with yourself. This time you pushed back instead of giving in, even if your neck feels like it has been sewn shut. “Sergio!,” You call out to him. He swiftly turns around with a smile on his face as he realizes you are speaking to him first. He answers, "Yes?," back. You take a sharp breath and swallow, hoping to get rid of your nerves. “You s-should put on your shirt…. I-I don't want you getting sick.” "Alright," He nods and chuckles as he quickly pulls the practice jersey back over his head. With the last inner power you have at this moment, you approach him as he was putting his shirt back on. “Sergio, I also want to apologize,” there is a brief pause as you glance down and start to play with your camera,“I know I don’t always show you how thankful I am for the things you do for me, but I truly am. It's just my inner thoughts getting the best of me, and I believe that if I don't know what to say- then you shouldn't say anything at all.. I'm so-" "Y/N, you don't need to apologize," Ramos interrupts you and says, “I should've never made you feel uncomfortable by invading your personal space last game… I just didn’t know how to apologize to you so I did what I thought was best and kept my distance in hopes that it made you feel better.” You give him a puzzled expression. "I didn't feel uncomfortable at all; I just responded that way because you were too hot to handle." Your lips are swiftly covered with your free hand as you think to yourself, there is no freaking way I just said that. Your eyes widen. Ramos' eyes light up with amusement as he approaches you, hoping to taunt you a little,"Oh yeah? So, am I too hot to handle, or did you really want me to put on my shirt because you didn't want me to get sick?” You use your hand to conceal your face as much as you can because your other hand is still holding the camera. Ramos wraps his arm around you and gives you a big bear embrace as he laughs at the sight of you feeling embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Y/N, but you are just too cute. I can't help but to mess with you a little." He glances down, but all he can see is the top of your head as you continue to mentally swear yourself out and conclude it's better to remain silent. "How about we go eat ice cream and I meet you in front of the staff housing in about two hours? He asks as he begins to rock you back and forth, "¿Eso te haría sentir mejor? (Would that make you feel better?)” He smiles once he feels you nod your head against his chest.“Great! Then it's a date.” "¿E-espera qué?(W-wait what?)" you ask, raising your head to look up at him, your chin pressing against his chest. He simply winks and releases his hold on you. "I'll see you later, princesa (princess)," he says as he turns to walk away. All you could do was look in disbelief because your brain was unable to comprehend what had just transpired.

The one time you speak first, you get a date with your biggest crush. I suppose there are some risks that are worthwhile.

A/N: Part 2 with the ice cream date, maybe? c;

#sergio ramos imagine #sergio ramos #sergio ramos icons #sergio ramos x reader #x reader #Sergio Ramos x female reader #Sergio Ramos one shot #Ramos one shot #psg imagines #sergio ramos psg #footballer x reader #football imagine #football fanfic #soccer x reader #soccer imagine #soccer one shot #Sergio Ramos x y/n #x you fluff

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theexaltedbride · 2 years ago

Text

Dead Island 2 Slayers x Reader Headcanons (Part Three!)

(Still having a fun time, and people wanted more, so here you go! Have fun and happy Slaying!)

Amy:

-Amy has a competitive streak to her that tends to leave her very huffy whenever she loses at anything. But all it takes is a couple of kisses from you on her neck, cheek, or lips to brighten her back up. To the point the others joke about deploying you as a secret weapon whenever Amy gets actually angry about something.

-Sometimes she just likes to be held by you in the shower when you are both easing down and soothing your muscles from a long day of slaying monsters.

-It took some doing, but you managed to get Amy talking more about her personal life, and focusing on things besides winning the Paralympics, she actually works as a part time as a teacher for children with special needs, and has several fun stories, including how she met the actress for Space Fox 2250, and only really knew her because one of the kids in her 6th Grade class had an SF:2250 lunchbox with the actress on it. She misses her kids, and hopes they are okay. But you reassure her that they are, and to just keep thinking about the good times, because when you all make it through this, they are going to want to see their favorite teacher.

-Amy has mentioned offhandedly that she enjoys going shopping from time to time, not so much because she likes to buy things, but because she loves the experience of not knowing what you might find at a brick and mortar store. It just feels good getting to move around and see other people going about their day. So one time you cleared out a section of a mall of some zombies, and told Amy it was going to be a shopping day, just you and her. While you can’t bring in other people to walk around, you can at least give her part of that experience again.

-Hates having to clean zombie splatter out of her hair buns, but refuses to wear a hat or hairnet to stop it from happening, no matter how many times you suggest it to her. If you didn’t know any better you’d think that she was doing it so you would always be on hand to help her wash her hair.

Bruno:

-His old life as a hustler helps him to sometimes haggle other survivor groups out of some goods and services, but he also uses it to get things he knows you would like and plays it off as just being part of the deal.

-Bruno hated corruption back in the day, and some of his hustles were meant to expose that. If you offer to help him get some dirt on shitty politicians and other rich people who abandoned all the civilians to die in Hell-A, then he will never forget it.

-He might have ‘borrowed’ some leftover filming equipment from Monarch studios to start recording the best moments between you and him in high definition. He wants to be able to remember your smile in perfect clarity and better quality than just his phone.

-He gets all fussy when he loses his beanie and you can see that his hair is actually a total mess. He wears the beanie to cover up a ruined patch of hair that he had to shave off early in the outbreak when a zombie grabbed some of his dreadlocks and pulled hard enough to rip some hair out. But you assure him he would look good regardless of how he has his hair, or even no hair at all. He’s the one making the style look good, not the other way around.

-Bruno isn’t always the best about sharing his emotions and feelings, but you’ve started to pick up a general vibe that he gets a smart mouth when he’s upset, angry, or annoyed. He’s constantly in this mode when dealing with Rikky, and you tend to tag in when Bruno gets like this so that the group doesn’t start anything with other survivors.

Carla:

-She absolutely hates anything creepy or crawly, be it regular insects or infected who are covered in bugs. So she hung close to you when the group had to clear out the Monarch Studios set for the Rise of the God Spider, since tons of actual spiders were crawling across the floor and spreading real web everywhere.

-Loves when you bring her any nice looking bikes scavenged from the city, even if she needs to fix them. She was a mechanic before and so is always working on something to stave off boredom. You bringing her things to fix (especially if they go fast) really puts a smile on her face.

-Carla is as tough as they come. She’s made her peace with the idea of dying at the hands of the infected, but she can’t stand the idea of losing you. The thought of living in a world without you, after having finally found you haunts her nightmares. You know she’s had one of those nightmares when the following day she seems to constantly be checking up on you and making sure she knows you’re there and not hurt.

-She tends to lose her earrings in the middle of more intense fights, especially when forced to fist fight with Crushers, so she really appreciates it when you pick up her earrings again or find new ones to replace them.

-If you ask very nicely, Carla might decide to bench press you in the gym, lifting you up like you weigh nothing.

Dani:

-Always wants to hear about your family and what they were like, especially any happy and fun memories you have, because she does not have a good relationship with her own family. Maybe she will tell you the full story someday.

-If you let her, she can absolutely cut and style your hair. Though be prepared for her to experiment with it to see what works best for you, results may vary wildly.

-At first you might have found Dani’s constant swearing off putting, but after a while it grew on you and you’ve started to swear casually just like her. She finds it cute but states you will never be able to swear to the same level as her.

-Sometimes she can get very sassy with you, but as time goes on you’ve learned to differentiate her playful sassiness with her being actually angry, annoyed, or teasing.

-Dani won’t admit it, but she loved that you brought her a whole pack of her favorite lipstick. It took some work to find it, but it was worth it, and Dani makes sure to test it out on you frequently by leaving lipstick imprint on your mouth for all to see.

Jacob:

-His time as a Stuntman has helped him survive getting hit by tougher infected as he just relaxes his body and takes the hit, the first time you saw this it shocked you and you thought Jacob had been seriously injured, you only calmed down after seeing him get back up, but that reaction told Jacob you had genuine feelings for him.

-Jacob invited you to a late night party with Rikky and Roxanne. You honestly can’t remember what happened, you partied way too hard and woke up with Jacob on several pink flamingo floaties all taped together, on the roof of Rikky and Roxanne’s place.

-When Jacob found out that there were still chefs surviving at the Blue Crab over on Venice Beach, he went the extra mile to help secure it and bring them supplies so that they could prepare something nice for you and the others (but mostly so you and Jacob could have a date night together and pretend things were back to normal).

-If you are open to smoking with Jacob, he will start you off small and get you used to it (and only the best brands he can scavenge) before you two will be smoking like pros. Given the state of things you might not even live long enough to get lung cancer, or might be immune to it thanks to being a Numen. Either way, Jacob wants you to live it up with him.

-You might have gotten a contact high from Trent’s special blend, but to Jacob its weaksauce, though he does keep some of it handy in case you would like to smoke some, and will keep an eye on you so that you don’t get into any trouble or get hurt with your initial high.

Ryan:

-Ryan absolutely has his Himbo moments, but he’s not as dumb as others might think. He’s better at coming up with quick plans on the fly rather than long projects, so you pick up the slack for him in that regard.

-When you sleep together, Ryan tends to roll over on top of you protectively and you’ve come to appreciate the feeling of him on top of you, almost like a big warm, weighted blanket.

-Ryan actually hates needles and tends to flinch each time he needs to use an autoinjector, needs stitches from an injury, or has to help Dr. Reed with his vaccine stuff. But if you can distract him by holding his hand or keeping his attention things will go much easier.

-Ryan loved seeing the giant spider animatronic over at Monarch Studios because he’s actually a big fan of giant monster movies. So if you happen to surprise him with some while out scavenging its gonna be a fun night of seeing your man geeking out over his hyperfixation.

-Ryan is actually very particular about how he has his coffee made and would rather go to the nearest coffee shop and fix it himself than let someone else do it wrong. The only exception to that rule is when you are the one making the coffee for him. When you do it its always perfect, because its made with love.

All Purpose Headcanons:

-When your lover was thrown into that pit in the sewers by the Eschaton group, full of infected which forced them to go berserk, you jumped in after them without a moment’s hesitation. Your Slayer Lover was rabid, wild, tearing apart infected with their bare hands. For a moment it looked like they might do the same to you, but when their eyes stared into your own, they recognized you, and it started to calm them down, bringing them back to normality.

-Luciana set up some scavenged videogame consoles down in the game room. Your Slayer lover always likes to have you as their player 2 and sits right next to you as you play.

-Curtis likes to hang out there too and while he doesn’t play any games (hands have far too much arthritis and games move too fast for him) he’s grown to enjoy watching the others play them and watching the stories sometimes or even talking about them. During Tabletop RPG nights in the gameroom, he also likes to sit nearby and watch, while commenting on how to properly roll dice like he did back in his younger days as a star when he went to Vegas, or adding random bits of commentary.

-Amanda has been trying to set up a better internet connection in the living room so that she can upload her videos. She’s had no luck so far, but she’s also shown her softer side by asking everyone to write an email to someone they care for on the outside, and saving it on her tablet, so that if she does get a signal, she can send it out as soon as possible before they lose the signal again.

-Everytime you have to go into the sewers you end up needing like a three hour bath to scrub yourself clean, but your lover is always there to help you out, even if they too smell bad from being in the sewers with you.

-Emma doesn’t like it, but you all love using her jacuzzi in the back of the mansion. You all just sit back, take in the sun, relax in the water, and ignore the sound of the Zeds outside. Nothing like taking a break with some good friends.

#Dead Island #Dead Island 2 #Dead Island x Reader #Dead Island Slayers x Reader #Dead Island Headcanons #Slayers x Reader #Character x reader #character x reader shipping #DI2

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hayatoseyepatch · 4 months ago

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SAM! CONGRATULATIONS ON THE 500!!

About me: pronouns are she/her. Im An ambivert? I have super bad social anxiety. except around a very few select people. I'm both simultaneously sleep deprived and over caffeinated. I love learning about law. I'm sometimes a sarcastic asshole and most of the time I don't intend to be so sarcastic it just comes out.

Fandoms- (idk if you consider us moots yet👉👈) so if so then please can I ask for windbreaker and demon slayer. If not! Then just windbreaker

Type: honestly Irl men I don't have a type,😂 fictional men. I tend to love the morally grey, big men, the scruffy tired men. Old men. Dilfs.🤭🫣...personally prefer to be paired with male

Favorites: windbreaker: Endo, umemiya, hiragi, kanji. Demon slayer: tengen(his wives) gyomei, sanemi, rengoku.

Icks: none!

Reye (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ) ♡ You’re literally so sweet thank you for your congratulations!! And ofc we’re moots don’t be silly love! And since you requested two here you go ♡

Okay so I wanna say that your second one contains smut, if that’s too much or not something you want to read the last thing I wanna do is make you uncomfortable. Please take this as an invitation to dm or shoot me another ask requesting a new one and I’d be more than happy to give that to you bb (ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ Now lets get on with it!!

⤜♡→ I mean come on this is my blog, someone was getting him. This man is the epitome of DEVOTION. He would worship the ground you walked on. You have social anxiety? Motormouth Maybelle over here will do all the talking. You want coffee from your favorite coffee shop across town? Looks like he's making a trip. This man is chronically mischaracterized as a violent playboy and I won't stand for it!

⤜♡→ When Endo is in love it consumes him. You are on his thoughts always. He sees a cute little trinket of you favorite animal? He's picking it up just to see you smile. He would do anything for you. When Endo falls in love he falls in love HARD.

⤜♡→ He's such a yearner. He craves your presence constantly and misses your touch when it isn't available to him. I feel like after meeting Sakura he beings to develop more emotional intelligence. Now aware of the difference between love and obsession. He'll give you space if you need it, but will always be a phone call away.

⤜♡→ He looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky for him, and if you asked he would find a way to bring you the moon if that was what you wanted. He adores you and nothing in this life or the net could stop hi from loving you with every fiber of his being.

Endo smiled to himself, he loved watching you work, whether it was the way you sat at your desk cute tongue poking out and a little furrow in your brow when you were in a complete form of concentration or the way he could unabashedly stare at your side profile uninterrupted. But nothing compared to watching you like this, there was a different air than when you were stressed from working. Your eyes were focused on the screen before you. He could watch you for hours, just content to watch you, your beauty incomparable in his eyes. He loved the calm that rested over your expression, allowing him to take in every one of your features before you noticed him, completely lost in your own little world.

His favorite moments were ones like these, your beautiful voice that he wasn’t often graced with singing out due to the presumption that you were alone. He finally approaches, his eyes scanning your relaxed form. eyes softening and heart swelling. He opts to flicker the light in the room to gain your attention, rather than risking sneaking up from behind and catching your right hook, knowing better than to make that mistake more than once. Snorting as you jump a bit. “Hi baby~ Sorry I’m late traffic was fucking ridiculous, but I brought tea as a peace offering.” He smiles holding up the cup of coffee. Endo knew just how you liked your order, never once getting it wrong.

He took a seat next to you, handing you the coffee only to watch you sit it down on the table. He offers a hand, palm offered for you to take. “You’ve been cooped up in here all day, why don’t you take a break, hm?” He smiled, aiding you in crawling into his lap when you take his hand, pressing kisses to your collarbone after you had done so, arms securing themselves around your waist and humming in contentment as your familiar scent wafts into his senses. He always found home in your arms and he never wanted to be anywhere else.

⤜♡→ OOO GIRL I HEARD DILFS. You’ve come to the right place. I know we’ve talked about him super briefly before but when you said big morally grey dilfs I HAD to pull out this absolute DADDY. This former warlord of the sea is an absolute MENACE.

⤜♡→ Crocodile has met his match when it comes to you, the only one brave enough to throw sarcasm his way, it's a battle of wits. One in which there is no clear victor. Though those around you are more concerned with the fact that you are still breathing after talking to him like that.

⤜♡→ With that being said, Crocodile has a clear soft spot for you. No one who values their life brings it up though. They all remember what happened to the last poor soul who did.

⤜♡→ This man never believed in love, thought it foolish and childish. he saw no gain from something as silly as affection. He saw it as a clear weakness. However one morning as the sun's rays slipped through his windows, casting a euphoric glow over your still bare form from the night before, did he realize that he was capable of such feelings. Because even he couldn't deny thats exactly what was swarming in his chest as he leans down to press a kiss on your sleeping face.

⤜♡→ He tries to cut things off then and there, but with the days that follow he realizes he can't go on without you. Finding you and pressing a desperate kiss to your lips. For once uncaring if anyone saw, he needed you by his side. And anyone who dared to try him wouldn't live to tell the tale.

(Okay here's the smut, some warnings before you take a look: size difference, praise, dcryphilla, implied being caught, mentions of violence)

Crocodile grinned maliciously, if there was one thing he loved more than anything it was watching tears cascade down your cheeks. You always looked so beautiful when crying. But not from sadness, no, you see Crocodile would give a slow painful arduous death to anyone who dared even look at you the wrong way. Not his prized gem, his greatest treasure, far more valuable to him than the One Piece itself. No, never those kinds of tears. He instead loved the tears that streamed down your cheeks as you lost yourself on his cock. Whether it was you absolutely lost in pleasure, his name the only word on your lips, or as you were now: struggling to take the sheer size of his girth. Leaning forward he let a large hand come to your face, his thumb swiping some of the tears that had slipped past your lashes. “Here, doll, I’ll be generous.” He brings the same thumb between your legs using your own tears as lube to guide the rubbing of his thumb on your clit. Smirking at the shudder that wracks your form from the contact.

“Come on sweetness, you’re only halfway there and you're fussing this much already? You’d think after all the times you’ve taken my cock this wouldn’t be so hard on you.” He tsks, feigning sympathy, but you both know he is anything but sympathetic. Especially not when he lays a large hand on your shoulder. “And since I’m feeling so generous why don’t you let me help you, hm?” Using his hand as leverage, he forces your body to take the rest of him, basking in the loud drawn-out moan you let out as he bottoms out. “Atta girl.” He purrs.” See I knew you could do it.” He gives you a moment to adjust to his size, grinning once more as you begin to move. Right as you begin to set a steady pace, his head thrown back in the feeling of you, a shrill ring sounds from the communicator device on his desk. Your eyes blow wide as his hand is drawn to it. Placing a finger on his lips as he levels you with a mischievous look. “You gotta be quiet, kitten, I’d hate to have to stop fucking you to kill whoever’s on the other line for hearing the sounds that are meant for my ears only.” And as he answers the device you could only hope who was on the other end knew how to hold their own, because with the way his hand was guiding your hips you knew being silent was out of the question.

#sams 500 matchup event #wind breaker #one peice #sam writes

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fantasylandloser · 2 years ago

Text

Respect

Pairing: Frank Castle x reader

Warnings: 18+, Smut, Frank is a meanie, Dom/ sub dynamics, use of safe word, reader walks out before receiving aftercare, dumbification kink?, a little misogyny, let me know if I missed anything

Word count: 1.3K

A/N: Sometimes my brain is just mushy and the rot falls off, onto my computer

******

“Fuck you, Frank!” You huff walking away from the egomaniac.

“Real mature! Yeah, go on and run away! Little princess didn’t get her way and now she’s gonna cry.” Frank taunted. You turn on your heel immediately.

“I am trying to show you a different way of doing things. One where you don’t have to kill so many fucking people.” You say your voice hard and full of emotion. Frank scoffed and looked away from you.

“You’re not going on the mission. You’re not ready.” He told you, making it your turn to scoff. You knew that was a lie. You had been on more missions than you could count, and your fighting skills were more than field ready. Frank was trying to prove a point by undermining you. And though you were sure he could do the mission without you, you knew it wouldn’t be as clean and so did he.

“You don’t respect me.” You let out a short laugh, at the realization. Your feelings crumble into a pile of ash.

“How can I, right now? You’re inattentive in the field. Then you come and try to change things, think you’re making them better, it is never going to get better out there for people like us. You need to get that through your head!”

You take a deep breath before you speak, not trusting your voice. “Maybe, I should just find someone who would appreciate having me.”

***********

“It’s too much! I can’t-” Your sentence got cut short by another orgasm washing over you. Your eyes rolling to the back of your head. The pleasure was so intense that all you could see was white and everything ached.

“There you go sweetheart.” Frank grunted pushing back into you. “See this is what you’re good for,” he pinned your arms over your head. “I don’t need you out there trying to tell me how to do my job, this bed is where you belong.” You cried out in disagreement, unable to form any words.

“Shh, atta girl. Taking me so well.” His praise made you shiver under him.

“Frank please.” You plead, tears spilling from your eyes.

“Please, what? You have everything you could need right now. Ain’t that right?” You were so overwhelmed you didn’t even know what you were begging for.

“Such a greedy girl. Your little cunt is stuffed and you still want more. You want me to fill you up?” Frank groans at the thought. “Yeah you do.” He answered for you. “Then maybe you’ll stop trying to do a man's job. Is that what I have to do?” He asks, constantly slamming into you.

You whimpered at the question, unable to answer him. “I’m asking you a question, answer me.” He demanded. Frank's pace doubled at your silence. “You’ve gone dumb on me. Of course. This is why you need to stay put, can’t have dumb little girls in the field.” Tears sprout in your eyes at his words. You were tired of him making you feel inadequate and he’d made it more than clear numerous times throughout the day that he didn’t respect you. It didn’t make it any better that you were under him like this after the day the things he said to you.

“Red! Red! Red!” You call out, suddenly feeling panicked and tense. Frank was quick to pull out of you, worry etching his face. He tried to pull you close to him, but you were halfway across the bed before he could reach you again. A pained look on your face, as you rushed to grab your clothes.

“What happened, sweetheart? What’s wrong?” Frank asked his personality, flipping like a switch.

“Nothing, I’m just dumb.” You huff pulling your shirt over your head. “I see why you don’t respect me.” You laugh sarcastically. Frank sighed, quickly understanding he hurt your feelings.

“Baby,” He says, getting up to walk over to you. “I do respect you.” You walk away before he could reach you, scoffing at his words.

“I know I’ve been… tough lately. I’m sorry. I’ve just been stressed.” He tried to apologize, but you barely heard it because you were out the door as soon as you pulled your pants up, ignoring his calls to you.

*********

Officially you had managed to avoid Frank for about two days. The longest you’d ever gone without you checking on him. He called and stopped by, but you had played dead, needing a couple days to lick your wounds.However, Frank knew just how to get your attention.

Frank: Stop hiding from me like a coward and come talk to me.

You knew he sent it with the precise wording of “coward” to get your attention and it definitely worked. You were at his in no time, not stopping to get out of your pajamas.

As soon as he opened the door you slapped him. Hard. His head turned to the side, sharply but he laughed despite that.

“I deserved that.” He opened the door a little wider to let you in. You pushed past him aggressively.

“You’re a dick.” You state. “You think you just get to treat me however the fuck you want to and that I should just come crawling back when you’re ready to talk.”

Frank half smiled, looking smug. “You did, didn’t you?”

Damn.

“I’m leaving.” You try to walk past him only for him to immediately grab your arm and pull you to him.

“I’m sorry, alright.” You lift your eyebrow at his apology, trying to continue to the door.

“Work with me here.” You openly scoffed at his attempt to make it seem like you were being unreasonable.

“Work with you? That’s all I’ve been trying to do, but you don’t want my input on anything. Even the areas I quite literally have expertise in. You’re a fucking tyrant Frank, and you treat me like a puppet but I am grown ass woman and I don’t need to be controlled by you.” You tell him, your rant begins before you can even control it. “I am not the dumb little girl you think I am, and if you were really the soldier you thought you were then maybe you would see that.” You pull away again and this time he lets you.

“You’re right.” He tells you gruffly, making you turn around so fast your neck hurts.

“I can get a job done without you-” He starts, making you squint at him for being so arrogant. “But when you’re there, they’re more efficient, less messy. I do appreciate that.”

“Oh.” You weren’t expecting him to apologize. (Even though he actually didn’t.) It definitely counted in your book.

“Yeah, oh.” He mocked.

For a minute you were silent trying to think of something to say, to at least not give in so easy. (Like you always do.)

“You were mean to me.” You state, your voice quiet,

“I know, sweetheart.” Regret covering his features.

“You can’t just take it out on me every time you’re stressed.” You say, not pulling away when he pushed towards you.

“I know, sweetheart.” He parroted, hands on either side of your face. “Don’t cry.” He tells you using the pads of his thumb to wipe away the tears. You hadn’t even realized you were crying, but you figured the highs and lows of the conversation had taken a toll on you.

“It’s my turn to talk now.” Frank told you, now that you were all putty in his hands, willing to listen. You hum in response.

“You can’t walk out of the bedroom before you let me take care of you. That’s why you’re like this now. Didn’t even give me a chance to kiss you, hold you, tell you how good you were for me, tell you how much I respect you. Cuz’ I do. Even if I have a funny way of showing it. ‘Kay?” He pushes the hair out of your face so he can see your eyes, and so that you could see he was serious.

“Okay.” You whisper, thinking about how that would have been nice.

#frank castle #frank castle smut #frank castle x reader #frank castle x you #the punisher #hecouldpunishmeanyday #fantasylandloserfic

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wickedslip · 5 months ago

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HOW ABOUT WE DISSECT THE PERSONALITY OF OUR FAVORITE NEIGHBORHOOD WITCH; I’ve indicated that Nausi is an INTJ to a perfect T. The INTJ: introverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging.

Sometimes referred to as the "Architect" or the "Strategist," Nausi is highly analytical, creative, and logical.She is independent, ambitious, and has goal-oriented traits. Super logical and well-informed—she loves staying caught up on the latest facts and events of the world and her city (this trait is already super important / relevant as she is a witch, which defines her, first and foremost). She is highly curious and has a passion for learning and knowledge but is willing to consider multiple points of view and reconsider their opinions considering new information.

Being that Nausi is tortured by her art, she is always wanting to develop different strategies and medium for control. She goes to school to learn everything she can to try and cope with the stresses of it. If she can take it apart, she can get a better understanding and grasp on it so it can’t get a grasp on her.

INTJ subtypes:

INTJ-A: This subtype is known as the Assertive Architect. An INTJ-A tends to have more self-confidence than an INTJ-T, particularly when handling life’s ups and downs. If things don't go the way they expect, an INTJ-A is not likely to second-guess their initial actions or experience regret.

INTJ-T: This subtype is known as the Turbulent Architect and has a greater concern about the areas where they may fall short, whether in reality or perception. They also tend to use this concern to their advantage by pushing themselves harder and paying more attention to detail.

Nausi is highly intuitive, and she does take matters to heart, especially as she has an altered sense of perception. While she does have self-confidence in her achievements and obtaining her goals, her past often foreshadows her, and makes her constantly question herself. With the loss of her brother, she has the aspect of always falling short, losing herself in the process. But on the same token, she pushes herself, her craft, her goals and her abilities to extremes to make up for what she considers as her failures. In this regard, she is an INTJ-T.

RARITY.

According to psychologist David Keirsey, approximately 1% to 4% of the population has an INTJ personality type. This makes those with this personality quite rare.

KEY CHARACTERISTICS.

Independent

Logical

Productive

Analytical

Organized

Reserved

Quiet

Creative

Capable

Controlling

Single-minded

Innovative

Relentless

Curious

EVERDAY LIFE.

INTJs tend to be introverted and prefer to work alone. Nausi is self-confident and hard-working, which is a strength. However, it can also be a weakness as they may come across as insensitive or callous.

As an INTJ, Nausi looks at the big picture and focuses on abstract information rather than concrete details. She also tends to be a perfectionist.

She tends to emphasize logic and objective information rather than subjective emotions, and talking about emotions makes them uncomfortable.

INTJs like a world with control and order. As a result, Nausi prefers to make plans well in advance. Some INTJs may even employ manipulation to get a specific outcome.

Nausi is a creature of habit. She is independent and has only RECENTLY allowed help at the apothecary. She operates and thrives on productivity, both in her art, her work, and her crafts. You won’t find creepy cobwebs hanging throughout the apothecary, as she is orderly and organized, sometimes even closing the whole shop just to give it a deep clean before reopening. She is a very inward girl, highly reserved and very much introverted in every aspect. Because of this, she keenly hones into her crafts to the point of single-minded precision, not stopping or giving up unless it’s perfect. Very driven and innovated with her ideas and the way she gathers information to make decisions, she always creates new ways of reinventing herself.

STRENGTHS.

Enjoys theoretical and abstract concepts

High expectations

Good at listening

Takes criticism well

Self-confident and hard-working

WEAKNESSES.

Can be overly analytical and judgmental

Very perfectionistic

Dislikes talking about emotions

Sometimes seems callous or insensitive

Nausi has a very vivid imagination, and she thinks outside of the box, often gathering thoughts and ideas of fancy that no other sane person would think of. On the same token, sometimes she has this inclination that everyone thinks the same way she does, since she isn’t involved with lots of people like others would. She prefers to surround herself with likeminded individuals when she wants to be surrounded at all. She has high expectations for friendships and relationships, and for those she wants to impress (even if she doesn’t think she needs to impress them). Since she doesn’t talk a lot, she listens and hears everything, even when others might not think she’s heard them. She doesn’t give confirmation as she considers it small talk—something she doesn’t care to do. With someone like Nausi, you wouldn’t think she would attune herself to constructive criticism, but she does well with it. She likes to hear other’s points of view, seeing how it might contrast to hers. She is self-sufficient and has an air of confidence, most indebted to her hard work, Rosethorns Apothecary, and honed skills.

On the other hand, while she takes criticism well, it’s on a case-by-case basis. She can be very hard on herself and judges not only others but what she does and how she reacts to certain situations. She does not forgive easily, and as her original coven betrayed her, she has still not forgiven them for what they did. She cannot fathom being a part of something that is so wrong in their actions, that the end narrowly justifies the means. She surrounds herself in her day-to-day tasks, whether it is work at the shop or her courses, just so she doesn’t have to think about the past. She would rather achieve, to the point of being OCD, her goals from the smallest down to the largest with precision, even if attainability seems impossible. She cannot stand talking about her feelings and emotions, and that is why she hasn’t wanted to reach out to a therapist. Having someone pick at her brain, and dissect her on a table, would be torture for her. Because she is reserved others might take this as apathetic or emotionless. And while she is apathetic, she IS fundamentally curious.

COGNITIVE FUNCTIONS.

There is a dominant function that sets the tone of a personality. In addition to the dominant, there are auxiliary, tertiary, and inferior functions that play supporting roles in making up an person's personality characteristics.

Dominant: Introverted Intuition (Ni)

Nausi, being an INTJ, uses introverted intuition to look at patterns, meanings, and possibilities. That means that instead of looking at concrete facts, she is more interested in what they mean behind the scenes. She also enjoys thinking about her future and exploring possibilities. She likes to consider all the possible options and imagine different possibilities, which can influence her day-to-day decision-making.

Because she is more of a big picture person, she tends to remember impressions more than exact details. So, while she struggles to remember the specifics, she is good at recalling the general gist or idea behind past events. Abstract thinking comes naturally for her. As a result, she is good at "reading between the lines / reading the room" to figure out what things might really mean or how to perceive something.

Auxiliary: Extraverted Thinking (Ti)

This brings balance to her personality. If she uses her dominant function all the time, her personality will be one-dimensional. While the dominant function drives personality, the auxiliary function is there to offer tips, directions, and support. For Nausi, it's the extraverted thinking that steps in to offer assistance. As a secondary function in her personality, extroverted thinking leads her to seek order, control, and structure in the world around her.

Thanks to this function, INTJs can be very deliberate and methodical when approaching problems. Nausi tends to make decisions based on logic. She organizes her thoughts to see cause-and-effect relationships and can see it playing out before her eyes.

Tertiary: Introverted Feeling (Fi)

Nausi is often less conscious of using this function and doesn’t necessarily feel comfortable using it if she does become aware. It tends to emerge when she is under stress.

This function involves her being able to grasp her emotions, including understanding her feelings and feelings regarding others. When it moves to the forefront, she makes decisions based on emotion rather than logic and in greater attention in detail. As a result, she is more drawn to people and activities that are aligned with her values.

Inferior: Extraverted Sensing (Se)

The inferior function is the least developed part of Nausi’s personality. It is not used often, and when she does, she runs into problems. It represents the polar, extreme opposite of her dominant function.

With her specific personality, extraverted sensing is the least developed of her cognitive functions. While weak, it still exerts influence. This allows her to process information through her senses—it would also explain why she has great difficulty getting control on her premonitions.

When she uses the inferior, she can become distracted by herself, becoming less confident with her decisions than she normally would, feeling the need to perform and project, becoming a people pleaser.

PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS.

Nausi is introverted and reserved and spends a lot of time in her head. She works best by herself and strongly prefers her solitude in personal, hobbies and work environments.

While she tends not to be particularly interested in other people's thoughts and feelings, Nausi does care about the emotions and feelings of the select few she is close to. In personal relationships, she is willing to devote time and energy toward making her relationships successful.

She sees little value in social rituals and small talk, making it more difficult to get to know others in different social groups. Others might view her as cool, aloof, and disinterested, which can make forming new friendships with her challenging. This explains why she doesn’t want to belong to a coven, even if there was no betrayal. She prefers her solitude and works best as a solitary witch, solely relying on herself.

COMPATIBILITY.

Il figlio del diavolo? All ill omens aside, personality types that mesh well with hers, and potentially when making good relationship choices, include ENFP, ENTP, and ESTP. INTJs, as a whole, tend to have less compatibility with someone who is an ISFP, ISFJ, or ESFJ personality type.

CAREER PATHS.

When Nausicaä develops an interest in something, she strives to become as knowledgeable and skilled as she can in that area. She has high expectations and holds herself to the highest possible standards. INTJs are good at gathering information from the outside world, analyzing it, and reaching new insights. She tends to be very analytical and logical.

She values information, knowledge, and intelligence, and would make excellent scientists, detectives and mathematicians. INTJs also tend to do particularly well in fields that require efficiency and the ability to interpret complex information, such as engineering, academia, law, and research.

INTJs typically do well in careers that integrate their strong ability to understand and evaluate complex information with their ability to put this knowledge into practice. Careers that allow the INTJ to work independently and autonomously are also ideal.

POPULAR INTJ CAREERS.

Scientist

Mathematician

Engineer

Dentist

Detective

Doctor

Teacher

Judge

Lawyer

COVEN LEADER

SMALL BUSINESS OWNER

TRAINER OF WITCHERY

MEDIUM

TIPS FOR INTERACTION.

If you have a NAUSI in your life, here are tips for interacting with her based on your specific relationship.

Friendships

She tends to be solitary and self-sufficient, so establishing friendships can sometimes be difficult. Because she is an INTJ who tends to think so much of the future, she may avoid getting to know people because of her belief that a long-term friendship will just not work out, so why bother.

The good news is that while she may not have a lot of friends, those that she does become very close and committed to, she cultivates and cares for. INTJs tend to prefer friends who are also introverted, rational, and low on emotional drama. Anything more, she will vehemently disregard out of her circle.

Parenting

If she ever became a parent ( yeah not in this lifetime—the curse ends here, mate ) , being an INTJ she is typically not high on affection. INTJs have high expectations for children and offer support by helping children think logically when faced with decisions. They encourage children to be self-directed critical thinkers who are capable of solving problems on their own.

For INTJ children, they focus on finding ways to encourage their intellectual strengths but try to find a balance to avoid excessive perfectionism. They need to develop their emotional strengths and find ways to express their feelings, something that Nausi is specifically stunted with from an early age. Imagine her bringing another person into this world that she must ultimately be responsible for. It’s a no for her.

Relationships

Because she can be difficult to get to know, romantic relationships with Nausi and any other INTJ can falter. Loyalty and understanding are important and are the key foundations for success. Don't be afraid to show your dedication, but also don't pressure them to spill their emotions. Communication is critical when in a relationship with her. Rather than expecting her to pick up on your subtle cues (or fragility), focus on being straightforward or even blunt about what you expect.

TAKEAWAYS.

It’s important to remember that Nausi is unique. No one is just like her or anyone else. Learning your own personality, and its traits, will help you to better understand your own tendencies, appreciate the value in your strengths, and feel prepared to deal with some of the challenges you may face with them. She’s an icy little spitfire. Good luck.

#「 𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒂. ⛧ ❛ running away was a powerful instinct. ❜ 」

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bonerot19 · 9 months ago

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What are your feelings about Lost Days? Specifically the ending?

Personally I think “I don’t care about the world” doesn’t seem at all accurate to Jason’s actions. Like def unreliable narrator vibes otherwise why is he continually making his life harder.

Also the pit rage thing, people say it’s not canon but def hinted at in LD. I dislike when it’s used to brush aside Jason’s very valid anger but otherwise no strong feelings on it, what about you?

lastly, any takes about Talia and Jason’s relationship? Not the.. ending.. bits.. but other than that? I just don’t think there’s good evidence (doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be interesting to explore in fanfics ofc) that their relationship is white or black. I think Talia’s an immensely complicated person who has to continually make impossible choices in very brutal manners because of the circumstances of who she is and who she loves. As a result, there’s no such thing as ‘good mom’ or ‘bad mom’ Talia. But yeah.

I'll preface this by saying I haven't read lost days in a long while (and actually completely forgot that I had read it one point until I was reading a fic and was like......OH! FAMILIAR!) it's on my reread list, so I remember the broad strokes but not specifics (memory of a goldfish) so I can't comment on the first question rn but I'll keep it in mind on my reread after finals!

as for the pit rage - I have a lot of thoughts:

I think it can be an interesting plot device to diverge from canon - like I think it's interesting when someone has the pit amplify emotions (and therefore make it "pit rage" for Jason because he is angry). I think, in that situation, it can be a cool representation of real life intrusive thoughts and rage.

I have rage issues and trouble controlling my emotions and, sometimes, when I'm really angry, I understand the phrase "seeing red" to a lowkey scary degree. and I like it when fictional universes have magical things that represent real life things. I don't think it takes away from the real life thing, I think it acts as a analogy, making it easier to understand.

does Jason need a magical rage problem to represent his very real rage and anger issues? no. is it maybe helpful/easier to express how angry he is when you can say he's seeing green? yeah.

I like it a lot less when it's used to negate his emotions entirely or explain away his actions. (there's a lot of bad canon writing that has Jason do OOC things, so I'm chill with explaining that stuff away or ignoring it entirely) but when it comes to his return to Gotham and UTRH, I think his autonomy should remain intact. he wasn't lashing out because he was "insane" he was lashing out (and constructing a criminal empire as a teenager lmao) because he was hurt and angry and, maybe, he wanted to watch the world burn, a little bit. he wanted other people to feel the pain he was feeling bc it was unbearable. that's what teenagers are like. (if comics would stop drawing him to look 47, maybe that would come across better)

anyway - like all fanon interpretations and expansions, there are things I like and things I don't and I think it all comes down to interpretation. and I wouldn't ever condemn someone or their writing for interpreting something in a way I disagree with (hell, the more I get back into this fandom and the more comics I read/reread, the more I disagree with some of the Red Hood stuff I have written. that's fine. we're all learning and growing here)

TALIA

she's so precious to me and honestly a big reason I want to reread Lost Days. the poor woman has undergone so much character assassination in canon.

I completely agree that there is no "black and white" interpretation of her. she is complex (even when canon doesn't want her to be). she is a product of her environment, she is rebelling against her upbringing. she loves Damian, she does bad things to him sometimes. she is constantly stuck between a rock and a hard place.

with Jason, I do understand why people say her relationship with him is purely transactional (she does what she does for him for Bruce not Jason) and they're probably right. BUT I really like the interpretation of Talia that cares about him. I like the idea that she did try to restore his mind and train him in order to return him to Bruce, but that she grew attached and came to care about him (maybe/probably not as a mother, but as a mentor and perhaps cool, if emotionally distant, aunt)

I do enjoy fics where people write Talia as caring about Jason like a son, that's fun for me. give him a mom. (I do prefer giving him Selina or Natalia but like, any mom that isn't Sheila will do atp)

(and yeah idk, do what you want, but Talia and Jason fucking didn't happen in My Brain. I read that and went oh, no. lol. and never looked back)

#i'm getting a little too into Discourse these days #its making me question my interpretations and understanding and making me self conscious which IS NOT THE VIBE #so I lowkey need to back up a bit and just vibe again #people who don't read the comics and just go off fandom works are living a more peaceful life and I wish that was me #anyway #thanks for coming to my tedtalk #why use four words when forty will suffice #I-just-want-to-see #jason todd #talia al ghul

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uter-us · 10 months ago

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So, this is going to be long but I have a couple of questions and you are so eloquent Ive been waiting to find a radblr as level headed to come to abt this. Essentially in the more recent past I engaged with sex and sexual content for for lack of better explanation just sexual issues from childhood and whatnot and I have been trying so incredibly hard to disengage from anything like those bdsm type situations and relationships. I stopped watching porn, even softcore gif type of stuff and I completely stopped shaving a little over a year ago to distance myself entirely from the sort of young girl fetish. But, no matter what I say or how logical I phrase it (or having actually experienced this dynamic with a man) my friends seem to think things like CNC and other bdsm kinks are okay and help people cope. Which I also thought until I acted on it with men and I realized I was dealing with very sick people who got off on my fear and pain and WILL violate trust in small ways until they're too big to ignore. And what can you do but endure what you've been begging for and participating in? I try and negate the blame because I was young (and sidenote: from the age of 11 or so constantly seeing porn and anime hentai and just weird sexual things so easy to find I feel like I almost never had a chance with my predispositions, but still I chose to engage and so many positivity posts for like ddlg and shit like that were EVERYWHERE when I was a teen, most girls I knew saying they are making OFs as soon as they graduate and just no escape of sex in that way) and inexperienced and a heavy alcoholic along with experimenting with drugs for the first time in my life but I'm still sickened by myself. And the worst part was that I did chose it, and sometimes wanted to go farther than I could handle just out of my own intense self destructiveness and trying to awaken memories I had locked away as a sort of control over my mind but all I did was have new memories to lock away and three years of finding myself and fighting so hard to stop drinking about it. I just want to get through to them so they don't go through the same hurt that I did, especially because a friend I'm thinking of specifically went through much more horrific sexual traumas than I and I don't want her to be lost in it a new kind. Do you have any suggestions? Or even articles or reading that I could show her? I try to pepper in screenshots of radfem posts I see acknowledging it but she is very very Barbie movie liberal feminist. Idk. I just don't want her to go through the guilt and the shame and the horror anew after what she's been through after I did and i don't want her to think I'm attacking her because I know I sometimes come across as aggressive when I'm feeling passionate. I'm just so frustrated and I feel like when I make a very valid point trying to be as neutral emotionally as I can it always comes back to "people can cope however they want" and I know this is kinda repetitive lol but like yeah they can. But you're digging your own emotional grave and I know because I've done that already!!! I feel like a crazed hag yelling on top of a soap box on the roadside when I just want these young women to understand that you don't gain power by throwing yours in the toilet!!!

Thank u reading if u take the time I know this is kind of heavy but I would really appreciate feedback if u feel up to it 💛

hey I'm glad you reached out. everything you said sounds and is incredibly distressing. I can empathize with a lot of what you said; I think we've had similar experiences, and also have similar fears for our friends. you're a really kind person to want to look our for your friends, and I'd definitely like to be able to help you as best i can. I want to preface this though by (and I'm sure you've heard this before but I'll never stop saying it!!) you're not to blame, and you should never feel "sickened by yourself" :( these types of things are awful and complicated, but the fault here is never yours. ♡

suggestions on explaining

sometimes it's easier to instead of sending your friends all of the links, to maybe space it out a bit and (in whatever words you'd use,) be like "hey look what I've been reading" and maybe send the link, and (something I've done is) take maybe 1-2 screenshots of the most important parts of the article, and then also use a highlight tool to mark out 1-3 phrases from each screenshot. ideally, they'd just read the full article (and depending on how your friends are they might!) but at least this way you can ensure they won't zone out on really integral parts, and/or this way they can read the integral parts twice yk? this is j a suggestion on how to give the information, but you can give it however is best for your friends to get it!

i also understand that you've had these experiences, and I don't know if it was hard or easy to come to terms w the reality of bdsm/ddlg/cnc/etc, but for some people its especially difficult. i dont know if your friends have engaged in these things (or if youre aware they have), but "sex positivity" and "don't kink shame" is (as I'm sure you're well aware!) such a huge part of libfem ideology :/ it sucks because that makes it very hard to unlearn. and so, if any of these people you're talking to have had these types of experiences, that could make bdsm-related stuff even harder to unlearn only because (I'm referencing the one specific friend u were talking abt), if she's set on it being a "coping mechanism," it might be like that for her (or she's thinking/justifying trying it in the future). (if that doesn't apply to her, then anyone else you discuss this w it might apply to ! at least this is how it goes ime so it depends).

additionally, depending on how libfem they are, it honestly might serve both of yall better to refer to all of this w unisex words/pronouns, only cuz if your number one goal is their safety regarding this type of thing, i think the fact that the dominant/aggressive role or cnc perpetrator is mostly male, and that the submissive/subservient role or cnc victim is generally female, is a seperate conversation. they might be more open to it that way, but use your best judgement! (once they better understand, a follow up topic could be about why the same group of majority rapists irl (aka males) is the same group of majority cnc rapists in fantasies (aka males), but thats typically a seperate conversation)

OF/porn part

okay so first to tackle the OF part. i know it was brief, but here are j some links j incase + some bdsm stuff but specific to porn

OnlyFans Is Not a Safe Platform for ‘Sex Work.’ It’s a Pimp.

OnlyFans is an experiment in mass grooming

OnlyFans is sex work and pornography — stop calling it ‘empowering’

OnlyFans is just another pimp-led pyramid scheme

"ethical" porn / trafficking personal experience (the "Consider Before Consuming" series is very informative, but a lot is graphic so be prepared)

Ex-Porn Performer Describes What BDSM and Abuse Porn Is Really Like

How Porn Played a Role In My Childhood Sexual Abuse || Barbi’s Story

Jessica's Story: My Life As A Porn Star

What Led Me Into the Mainstream Porn Industry || Alia’s Story

bdsm - suggestions for explaining

now for the bdsm stuff. so for starters, something i hear 24/7 abt ddlg/cnc/etc related stuff is "its just a fantasy!" and i think an easy work around for that is j conceding that its a fantasy, and referring to them as "fantasies." i see a lot of feminists focus (imo) too much time trying to prove they arent just fantasies (and i get that in some scenarios which i will get to in a minute), but generally its just irrelevant. if someone was fantasizing about killing people, we would ofc be concerned. EVEN if that person never went on to kill anyone, it should STILL be of concern (including if they were getting aroused by the violence!). similarly to if someone was fantasizing about having sex w a daughter/kid figure or raping someone, we should be concerned. like if im against people pretending to rape others, and someone says "its just a fantasy," that is a worthless statement because i am literally against that too. i am anti rape fantasy too yk?

also if calling them "fantasies" doesn't feel right, you could also call them "situations they enact" or "situations they pretend to do," and you can even tag on at the end a "that they get aroused from." Depending on the context though, "fantasies" might actually do a disservice in that the term usually implies its just in the persons head, as opposed to something they are actively pretending to do to/with someone.

choking / strangulation

so for example, this work around goes out the window when the "fantasies" arent roles being played, and are instead actions like (the unfortunately common) "choking" or "breathplay" aka strangulation. it would be ridiculous to call this a fantasy or pretend when someone is legitimately blocking your airway and blood to your brain. "we cant consent to this" is a UK based group that (i believe?) started in opposition to the rough sex defense. i like this website because they have ample anecdotes (which the personal aspect can be more convincing for some), as well as actual information and statistics which shows the patterns of abuse. (theres more pages worth reading than j those 2 fyi!!)

this is actually another suggestion for explaining, but (especially for choking) its SO normalized that one of your friends might have even tried it on someone else, or (whats more likely still) one of their partners (specifcally bfs) could have done it to them. im saying this because its important that however you say it, its probably in yalls best interest to make it less of a moral judgement, and more like a "some people dont know this -- even the ones doing it -- but choking is actually dangerous!". if shes had a previous bf who she loved or even just liked, i imagine it would feel so hurtful so hear that what he's done is misogynistic or sadistic. i think something important ive had to learn and apply in my own life is gauging when to be more heavy on the feminist part, and when to be more heavy on the safety part, yk? like i remind myself when i have these conversations irl that some if not most of the time, my goal is to make sure the woman/girl understands why its unsafe and not necessarily why its sexist. (obviously use your best judgement on your friends because for some it IS best to talk abt the misogyny too! it just depends ofc)

CNC and DDLG

okay next. the way this woman explains cnc is well done. i think for cnc, ddlg, or other bdsm related stuff, it makes it easier for some to understand when they focus less on the person playing the victim or child, and shine the light instead on the person playing the rapist or pedo/adult or aggressor. its a real dillema that i think is best explained by this quote that ive been trying SO hard to find but i will paraphrase (and if anyone can lemme know if they know it that would be amazing), but its something like "What pro-BDSM activists require is the idea that there are thousands of men who care deeply about the issues of rape, sexual assault, pedophilia, and physical abuse, and also at the same time are aroused by it." Again i dont remember the quote exactly, but its that same sentiment. and its very true! it also forces you to ask, "why does my boyfriend get hard when i pretend to cry?" or "why does he get turned on when I say 'no'?" i think that even if you are pro- "people can cope how they want," you're still left with the scary realization that the life-long traumatic experiences of victims of DV/SA/CSA could just as easily be fantasies for others, and not just fantasies, but fantasies AS THE ABUSER.

things abusers say to intimidate, or things generally violent people say can and are the exact things people say in BDSM spaces. things victims say to escape (or don't say, like w kinks related to passing out or drugged women), or the actions both abusers and victims do, are also used in those BDSM spaces. its worth noting too that like, where are the these ideas coming from? where are they getting their material for fantasies? its sadly a collection of real experiences. sometimes w "twists," but rooted in real violence nonetheless. what came first, a rape kink or rape? the kink came from the arousal to rape. so what does it say about those two groups (cnc perpetrators and rapists) that they both do similar things, say similar things, and get off to similar things? it says something really scary and concerning, ill tell ya that. (plus they don't even have to say its the SAME thing, but the fact that its so similar isn't enough?)

additionally, where do DDLG ppl get the material/words/phrasing/etc for their fantasies? it comes from imitating children and parent conversation, and then pedo dynamics. they are aroused by pretending to talk to and then have sex w a child. the fantasy isnt something that could never happen; they are getting their fantasies from real people's experiences whether they realize it or not.

for example, i got this anonymous message like 2 weeks ago:

someone could have read that to me and told me it was someone into cnc and degredation or something, and how could i not believe it? if i had to determine if this was either a threat, or a line in someones "healthy" sex life, how would I know? despite the fact that one example of these exact words is used for aggression/malice, its scary that it could just as easily be used for arousal! both people are gaining something (power, control, arousal, pleasure) from the statement, so why would i not question ANYONE who is gaining something from that statement, EVEN when consensual.

i also think, kind of going back to the part about where cnc/ddlg/bdsm people's material is sourced (aka rooted in real rape fantasies, sometimes with "twists" or whatever but the root of it is arousal to rape), something really upsetting and sad is the fact that (for example) if someone is aroused by their gf pretending to cry and fight back in bed, if/when the bf is out and about, chances are at least at SOME POINT in his life, he will encounter a woman who was raped. and so this woman, vulnerable and retelling a moment of distress and trauma, describing her rape (or CSA or DV or torture or other experience) could and has described probably thousands of fantasies, some of which he could have participated in. people forget what a strong conditioning tool an orgasm is. do you think kinky sex with his gf wont even cross his mind, like it wont even occur to him that theyve played through this same event? sadly, of course it will. his brain has been conditioned to associate those descriptions/images/etc with sexual pleasure. thats another reason i can never get behind pro-bdsm stuff (like deny the facts now that im aware of them) cuz the stuff the abuser is imagining/pretending/etc has happened, is currently happening, and will continue to actually happen to hundreds of millions of people.

i also want to talk about your friend saying "people can cope how they want to." i think that response is misguided. id love to know where this originated because it seems so contradicting to the types of people who do say this (ime). cuz like ive seen a lot of libfems talk about mental health problems and addiction, and they are great at recognizing that sometimes things that make you feel good temporarily (like substance abuse, self harm, eating disorders), hurt you in the long run. and notice how the things i listed are also coping mechanisms? like yes people CAN cope how they want to, but we shouldnt encourage or even normalize self-destructive behavior (like the compromising and vulnerable and violent and painful scenes and roles in BDSM). imagine if someone was previously an alcoholic and is now sharing why that was so harmful for them. if someone replied "people can cope how they want to," yea thats a true statement, but that doesnt mean anything to what the person is expressing. they are saying they DID choose to cope how they wanted to, and now they are sharing how harmful that was in order to prevent others from making that same mistake

futhermore, my second point to that "let people cope how they want to" statement, would be the implication that statement suggests. the basis of the statement says that yes, there are people who engage in bdsm-related sex in order to cope with that trauma. but that implies there is also a group of people who take advantage of that in order to get aroused!

(this MIGHT be a time when its worth recognizing the sexist patterns. since female ppl make up the majority of victims of SA, and also the majority of submissive roles in bdsm, and additionally that males make up the majority of perpetrators of SA, and also the majority of dominant roles in bdsm, this could help solidify your case that patterns show what group is most likely to want that dominance/control, and who to get it from. although w this, im sure your friend might bring up "femdom" or dominatrix stuff, and you can look to this short post but if you want further explanation feel free to dm or send another ask, but regardless, thats the minority when it comes to d/s dynamics (hence why its specified its FEMdom, because the standard "dom" doesnt need to tell us its for males, but femdom needs to specify its a woman this time.))

lastly, the WDI is a generally great resource (videos like this one and this one) however I don't suggest at all sharing it w libfem friends cuz (like in both those videos) they include gender critical statements

anyway, hopefully this explanation is helpful, and i hope it goes well with your friend. i appreciate your patience as this took me a few days to get to and finish. i know i didnt cover every base, and theres a lot to be said about this topic, but i hope i sent you in the right direction.

i genuinly am hoping the best for you and your friends. you're a kind person, and I'm glad you were able to reach out. and I'm glad you're cultivating a porn and bdsm -free life! ♡ feel free to dm me anytime.

take sm care and be so safe

#radfem #radical feminist safe #radblr #sex based oppression #mvawg #male socialization #not j a reblog tag

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starseedfxofficial · 1 month ago

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The most successful traders—you know, the ones who aren’t constantly having heart palpitations—use stop losses not just as an insurance policy but as an integral part of their strategy. They’re the wise ones who understand that while you can't control the market, you can control your losses. Ninja Tactics for Setting Up Your Stop Loss Orders Here’s where things get interesting. We aren’t just talking about tossing a stop loss at a random point on the chart. Oh no. We’re diving into some lesser-known secrets that will help you set up stops like a pro. - Use Average True Range (ATR) to Place Your Stops Stop losses should be placed logically, not based on emotions (even if those emotions are screaming at you). The ATR is like your trading crystal ball. It measures the average volatility of EURAUD and helps you set a stop that’s neither too tight nor too loose—a real Goldilocks stop loss. Not too close that the slightest market sneeze kicks you out, and not too far away that your losses look like a car payment. - Avoid Common Psychological Levels Traders love round numbers. We like to think that 1.6000 is a magical place where miracles happen. Spoiler alert: it’s where most stop orders get triggered. You’re not Indiana Jones—don’t try to dodge the traps. Instead, place your stop loss just below or above those key psychological levels. Think of it as outsmarting your future self. - Trail Your Stop Loss Orders for Maximum Gains What’s better than securing profits? Securing profits while being lazy—I mean, efficient. Trailing stops help you lock in gains as EURAUD moves in your favor. It’s like having an auto-updating lock on those gains, freeing you from having to hover over your computer like it’s a suspicious toaster. Advanced Insights: Trading EURAUD with Confidence Stop losses might save your account, but if you really want to trade EURAUD like a pro, you need more. Advanced traders know it’s about setting up the right stop losses while having the market context on their side. Think of your stop loss as your safety net, but also take note of the tightrope you’re walking. Hidden Opportunity: The Schaff Trend Cycle The Schaff Trend Cycle (STC) is one of those lesser-known indicators that’s surprisingly useful when combined with stop loss orders. It provides a sneak peek at potential trend reversals, allowing you to tighten or relax your stops based on shifting market dynamics. Imagine having a friend who warns you before someone jumps out in a horror movie—the STC is that friend for market reversals. When trading EURAUD, the STC helps identify the short-term momentum shifts. If you’re in a buy position and see the STC starting to wane, it’s probably a good time to tighten that stop loss and lock in those kangaroo dollars (that’s Aussie dollars, for those who need translation). Contrarian Perspective: Embrace the Stop Loss Hit Here’s an unconventional idea: love your stop loss hits. Why? Because each time you get stopped out, it means you’ve saved yourself from even greater losses. It’s like buying a ticket to a concert you end up not liking—sure, there’s some disappointment, but at least you didn’t invest in the VIP pass and front-row tears. Traders often see stop losses as a sign of defeat, but let’s spin that perspective. A stop hit is a badge of honor, a symbol that you followed a disciplined plan instead of riding the emotional rollercoaster to oblivion. Successful traders are okay with small losses because they’re like mosquitoes—annoying but not life-threatening. Avoiding the Trap of Moving Your Stop Loss Ah yes, the classic rookie mistake: moving your stop loss further away because you just know that EURAUD is about to reverse. Newsflash—this move rarely ends well. It’s like convincing yourself that adding more hot sauce will make the food taste better, even as tears are rolling down your cheeks. Instead, consider letting your stops hit and then re-evaluating from a position of strength. It’s a lot easier to think rationally when you aren’t staring at a margin call. The One Simple Trick that Can Change Your Trading Mindset If I could tell my younger trading self one thing, it would be this: trade without attachment. A stop loss allows you to do this. Instead of seeing trades as opportunities for massive wins or gut-wrenching losses, think of them as probabilities—chances to grow your account if played smartly over time. Each stop loss hit is just part of the cost of doing business, like refueling a car on a road trip (unless you’re driving an EV—in which case, consider the cost of that expensive battery maintenance). The point is, stop losses are not your enemy. They’re your ally, keeping you sane and solvent in a market that loves nothing more than punishing the undisciplined. Key Takeaways: Mastering Stop Loss Orders on EURAUD - ATR for Placement: Use Average True Range to place stops logically, avoiding overly tight stops that are likely to get triggered by normal price movement. - Avoid Round Numbers: Be a step ahead by placing stops away from obvious psychological levels to avoid getting swept out with the herd. - Schaff Trend Cycle for Trend Reversals: Use the Schaff Trend Cycle to spot short-term shifts and adjust stops accordingly. - Trailing Stops Are Your Best Friend: Keep a trailing stop loss to secure profits as the market moves in your favor. - Love the Stop Loss Hit: It’s a sign that you followed the plan, which is way better than freestyling your way to a margin call. - Never Move a Stop Loss Further: Respect the stop, let it hit if it must, and approach the next trade with a clear, level-headed mindset. Your Trading Journey Continues Stop losses are like that friend who reminds you to save money instead of blowing it all on a weekend getaway—sometimes annoying, but always right in the end. If you’re trading EURAUD without a solid plan for your stop losses, it’s time to rethink your strategy. And hey, if you’re serious about taking your trading game to the next level, don’t forget to check out some of our resources like our Forex Education and Smart Trading Tool to give you the strategic advantage every trader dreams of. As always, stay sharp, stay disciplined, and remember—in Forex, you either learn to set stop losses or learn to love ramen noodles for dinner every night. Join our community for more elite trading tactics, live analysis, and daily tips—together, we’ll turn the tables on this unpredictable market and make sure the jokes are on it. —————– Image Credits: Cover image at the top is AI-generated Read the full article

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anulithots · 1 year ago

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#thanks for the reply!#i love anuli and kamari#your WIP will be awesome:D

How did I manage to answer so fast?

I went to school without taking Tylenol that morning and proceeded to pain through the day and wanted to brain dump.

Thank you for liking all the iterations! There are... a lot of them. Like this iteration started around.... I want to say April of this year? And I've never stopped working on this project since that ten-year-old's idea. Just constantly rewriting. (I liked coming up with ideas but writing it felt difficult.)

And the 'imagine if the past was a little different'... YES. This story would be so wildly different if certain things didn't happen or happen differently. Like if we didn't move 3+ times across the country or if I never misspelled panda in the google search bar or if I never stumbled across that video or randomly found those books.

THE VIDEO IS SO RIDICULOUSLY rELATEABLE.

I hope that you find happiness whenever you are ready for it, in the meantime, have all the heart emoji's - <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

(The 'I don't find happiness in anything anymore' is something I can relate to, it's a strange thing, happiness. At times I think such a simple yet convoluted thing, our 'pursuit of happiness' is kind of... overrated? Like yes, nice feeling, whoopdedoo. But it leaves and sometimes trying to feel it when you just can't feels strained and... well even though it's your body and your brain and everything, your own internal experiences are wildly out of your control. There's so many factors that can effect happiness and most of them are things that you have no control over. Even reactions to things. Those are caused by internal wiring based off childhood associations and often happen without conscious decisions. Thoughts are more so offered to conscious brain than being something you can decide to partake in, so it's... this whole 'happiness' thing makes no sense.

For me, I think it can be better to 'stop looking for happiness' in a sense? Those, 'just live', sort of things? I don't have a bona fide answer, I doubt I ever will, and at times the 'good feelings' feel so simple in the moment that you forget how hard it was to get there, and spirals are hard to get out of.

I like story metaphors, since - like Anuli - that is how I learned to process a world that I felt misplaced in. And - a similar phenomena happens in all of nature too - everything cycles. Those 'surface level happy emotions' with that background of apathetic static and spirals and for a few moments those numb sensations of 'I'm okay', they spiral and cycle and swirl together like stories do. There is never a permanent happy ending and there is rarely any 'truly happy or triumphant' moments in between, unless those happy times will be dismantled in a few pages.

But it's a story right? So if you're reading it, then things... 'hurt nicely'? Fluff feels so wonderous it hurts and hurt feels so heartbreaking but you love it so much, and at times you want to dissolve in those story moments and just live in a world where you aren't a character.

It's a process, and may not work for everyone - I stress out over it even though it's supposed to make me feel better - but sometimes it can feel better to 'read the story' rather than 'be a character'. You aren't required to be happy or fulfill some plot, all you have to do is watch the story unfold without being too attached to it. It's a story. And you aren't the author of it, that responsibility belongs to everyone collectively, but it isn't just one you have to bare, nor should you try to bare it, any of it.

Sunsets and hand tingling and breathing and stars and the feeling of drowning in your own repressed emotions and the never ending static and the abstract nonsenses of reality you could never hope to communicate to anyone else to see if they feel it too,

they are things that happen and all you have to do is watch them, let reality unfold or dissolve without actively trying to do anything.

.... I'm not sure if that made any sense. My apologies for the rambling, I just... like these things, and I wish you well in whatever way 'well' feels to you <3)

Thank you so much for liking my little world!

hey! question: how did Anuli come to be?

HIi! Thank you so much for the question.

ANnnnddd... whoooo boi, this is a long and convoluted history of the 'many drafts of the land of the fallen fairies'.

Grab some popcorn, there will be plot twists.

First came up with the 'Land of the Fallen Fairies' idea when I was around... ten-ish. I saw this book called 'the land of forgotten girls,' (just the cover, never read it) and I had watched the movie 'Fern Gully' in school, and had also learned of trees being able to communicate with each other from magic school bus. And thus, ten-year-old me decided to write a story about it, in the way you might imagine a ten-year-old writing a story.

Very overdramatic. No plot.

Basically it was about 'the last tree on the planet' and its fairy. They both lived next to a factory and no one on the plantet knew of thier existence. (Wow, spooky.)

The fairy (faer name was 'Oak'... which was very creative of me.) got stolen by some humans, who were children, but one of them worked for a scientist for some reason? They kept Oak in a jar where fae met the other fairy named Meadow (who was 'Oak's... mother? Or smth.). Oak eventually broke out and went to this 'hidden land' in the Bermuda triangle for reasons. (wow, spooky)

And I stopped at around there because I wasn't feeling nice while writing it anymore.

There are definitely iterations that I don't remember anymore, this is a seven-ish-year long project at this point after all, but here are the major ones.

The Floa and Naegi backstory.

I made these two dolls (that I don't have anymore). Floa was a redwood and Naegi was an evergreen. It was pretty much an 'enemies to best friends/platonic lovers / opposite attracts' sort of thing taking place in that Bermuda triangle island. They both watched the sunset together so yea.

Bloom

Insert the lychee tree that lives in a cave and made a bunch of doohickeys to survive and killed off faer younger 'siblings' accidently with... fire magic? At one point Bloom was a lychee tree and the whole 'fire magic' thing came from Mediterranean cypress's being immune to fire. I also made a doll for this one that started off as this tall and lanky and kind of scary crow-looking thing with long arms and burnt hands. Then it changed to a small deer thing, (Mediterranean cypresses are immune to deer too.) and it's legs kept breaking off.

The black fairy and Squioo

Another scrapped duo! The black fairy is based off the pando tree (and the only one so far that uses he/him pronouns) and the Pando tree is one large tree that looks like a lot of little ones in a huge forest. (It's a real thing! You can look it up.) And I think I had this whole thing where Squioo is another mediterranean cypress and fae died or something? I think at this point the land of the fallen fairies was more of a 'protective group' and fallen fairies were fairies that lost their tree, so they were almost 'apathetic zombies that could be dangerous if provoked'.

the houseplant

This is the iteration where it starts getting to where tLotFF starts looking how it does now. The scale isn't 'across the world' anymore and there is more of a focus on themes and always a protective guardian.

Although for this one the mc was called 'Amaris' and they started off in a houseplant store where everyone else shared memories. There wasn't really anything wrong with this one, I just didn't enjoy writing it.

Guardian territory

This is the previous version, and is also where you get Anuli. I just wanted something that would be easy for me to write, so I had Anuli use story metaphors for everything and be very contemplative, to the point of not knowing what is going on around faer. Fae isn't... 100% Anuli yet, but fae has the bones. In this version, it starts off with Kamari, Anuli and the sibling Maidoe (who got scrapped because fae had no purpose but may come up again later) leaving the 'bad place' to go to the guardian territory. I rewrote that version so many times and got super stressed out every time I wrote it because it had to be PERFECT.

The 'snippet version'

I changed my writing process to be what works for me and started from scratch, and so, after all that, we get to your question.

I wanted to write something that felt nice, that felt like my truth, especially since my life started feeling... monochromatic, and if I had to live for one thing and one thing only, that that thing better make me feel better.

(I just needed an outlet otherwise I would explode.)

And I always loved those 'metaphorical journeys with a very obvious message but it is told in a whimsical way' sort of stories, and I also wanted to tell my younger self to stop driving themself crazy looking for answers on how to make themselves 'better' in order to regain their lost childhood wonder, because 'better' was burning them out.

Also this video -

youtube

I wanted so hard to find that thing called 'happiness', to find that happy ending that I didn't let my story play out.

Anywho, I mention this because the writing process I follow is very 'theme based' and I wanted for my story to explore a theme more than anything else. (Think 'Little Prince' vibes mixed with a slice-of-life-children's show so I could be as dark as I wanted to).

Some of my earliest (for this version) planning pages! (I modified the 'Story Genuis' method to work better with my iterative, and impulsive self. Nowadays I write a 'scene' by exploring a sub-concept of my overall point, and writing out all the thoughts surrounding it, in five different pages at once.)

I needed Anuli to represent all of the aspects of myself that were 'too slow for society' and molded them around a bit to fit who Anuli wanted to be (fae wasn't as overdramatic and silly and metaphorical before.)

And as if this post wasn't long enough already, here are some extra things about where Anuli's traits come from <3

Anuli likes morbid stories because my parents didn't like how 'dark' my stories were, and where thinking of something happier and more 'inspirational for kids, new york times best seller', whereas I just wanted to explore this weird thing called existence. I didn't even think that version was so dark.

So I let Anuli tell the darkest possible things that fae can.

---

The Land of the Fallen Fairies slowly changed moreso to a more 'pixie-based-concept' on who is and isn't 'good enough to be part of society' rather than a 'zombie fairy'. I don't fully know what the criteria is for a fairy to be a fallen fairy, for now it's just 'can't keep up with regular society'.

----

Part of the reason Anuli's POV 'style' is the way it is, is because I wanted something that would be easier for me to write. There's very little scene description or character actions, 90% of it is thoughts and metaphors, and it's nice that the 'shortcut' that I put for myself so I could actually write something also works for the character I am writing.

---

For both Anuli and Kamari, both their names come from the origin of the tree. Anuli, the fiddle leaf fig, originates from Africa, and faer name means 'joy'

Kamari, who comes from... northern Africa and surrounding areas if I remember correctly, means 'moon'.

----

The land of the fallen fairies takes place in my backyard. So I don't really want to move (again... apparently the moving unspoken feelings I didn't know I had got expressed though the LotFF) because all the characters are outside. We got a magnolia, and I have a fiddle leaf inside my house for Anuli.

---

I knew I didn't want to have Anuli describe any feeling, not even tired-ness with a word. Fae has an internal world filled with sensations and emotions fae does not understand and uses faer stories to create faer own 'shorthand' for how to describe them. I really really like this aspect of faer, because it makes communication that much harder for faer, but that much easier (hopefully, I've been told that no one understands what I write.) to understand what fae is thinking. Fae has built up quite the shorthand over the course of the backstory, none of faer thoughts are understandable without context.

----

Anuli ended up liking sunflowers completely on accident. I needed to have something for Kamari to notice and prompt Anuli to tell stories about, and there was a small sunflower patch near the magnolia.

---

Character design is a whole other thing. Before I made the doll, I drew a bunch of sketches based off all the character design videos I could find.

(The ones with the horns were designs for the 'Amaris' previous iteration.)

Oh wait! I remember this iteration. Anuli read the memories of dead pollywiggins for some reason before everyone else told faer that was bad and creepy.

These are some of my favorite Anuli drawings. I made a sticker out of the 'Responsibility' one.

Anuli had a hoodie for some reason, I don't think most fairies wear clothes other than for accessorizing or practical purposes. I may have Anuli wear a cloak when fae comes out of the archives because the weather is changing to fall now and @imjusthereforeternity happens in real time, and Anuil is not meant for cold weather.

getting closer.

Last sketch is from @mylee-sketches for Maidoe. This was around - I think - the time I started making Anuli the doll, which was impulsive as I did not have some of the materials I wanted (it worked out in the end) and I did not plan out sizes.

Anuli the doll took three long months and fae is MASSIVE. (I ran out of the color for faer face and had to improvise with other colors to make faer body match). Fae is around the size of a newborn/1year old CHILD. I can hold faer while I'm writing stuff and fae can stand in my lap and be up to my chin in height. The biggest thing I will ever make and I do not think I'll be doing something of that caliber again for AWHILE at least.

I got a desk recently and fae stands on that now.

Fae also sits nicely on a bookshelf.

... I think that's it. As far as progression from idea to now over the past seven-ish years, this is about everything.

Thank you so much for the ask! And for reading this LONG post!

#<3

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dreamescapeswriting · 3 years ago

Text

Stray Kids Reaction || Hugging A Crying/Upset Fan [Request]

⤜MASTERLIST

A/N: Listen, in this world paparazzi don’t exist…So fight me on it and Hiya my love! I hope that this is okay for you!!

CHAN:

All week long you had been excited to come and see the boys, you were practically bouncing with excitement. It had been something you'd been desperate to do since becoming a fan and it was finally happening. A meet and greet and not just one over the video calls but in person this time, you were finally going to be able to talk to the boys who helped you a lot through your hard times. You'd been so excited about this that you had barely had time to think about how nervous you were going to be in front of them.

So far you'd done well, each of the members had been so kind to you but you were most nervous to be standing in front of Chan. The member who had helped you the most from his weekly "chan's room" lives to constantly be there for his fans. It was something people could only dream of having in their bias.

"Hi, can I sign?" He asked as he looked at you, almost appearing as nervous as you were after all it was one of their first fan signs in person since the pandemic hit.

"Please," You stuttered a little, sliding the album in front of him and smiling happily as he began to sign away.

"I just wanted to say thank you," You told him, doing your best to hold back the tears you could already feel building up at the back of your throat. The lump beginning to form as you did your best not to cry in front of him, it was the one thing you told yourself that you weren't going to do.

"Hey, hey, hey," Chan whispered as he suddenly got up to his feet, ignoring his manager as he wrapped his arms around you. Without thinking the tears began to pour down your cheeks and you sobbed into his chest, forgetting the fact that you were at an event.

"I'm sorry, I just-"

"Shh, baby it's okay." He whispered so softly as his hands rubbed your back gently. All eyes were on you but Chan didn't bother to stop, he continued to console you quietly.

"You must think I'm so stupid for crying," You whimpered as the two of you finally parted ways, his hand reaching for a tissue from one of the managers.

"Not at all, sometimes we keep our emotions bottled up so tight that they just unleash without warning. You okay?" He looked at you and you could feel your heart racing, you hadn't meant to do this. You were probably holding up everyone from getting to the members but as you turned they all seemed to be wanting to make sure you were okay.

"Yeah...I just-" You took in a deep breath as you looked back to Chan, there was so much you wanted to say to him and so little time. You hoped that the letter you'd given to them would explain it far better than you ever could,

"I wanted to thank you all for being there for me...For all of stay. When we're in our darkest moments we always find the light with you all and you seem to help us through." You managed to stammer out as he looked at you smiling weakly as he himself tried not to cry.

"Thank you for being here for us too, we would be nowhere without you." He told you as he noticed his manager wanting to move things along.

"See you later, Baby Stay." He chuckled as you felt yourself burning up, walking toward Minho who was watching you with bright eyes.

MINHO:

Everyone knew that Minho was always the one to come across as cold but he was never truly like that, especially not to the members and to the fans. When he saw you crying at the side of the fan meet he couldn't wait for you to get to him, as soon as you were in front of him he hugged you. Minho had wanted to go over to you when he first saw you crying but management and security would never allow it but he hated the fact that you were alone. No one else had bothered to check in and see if you were okay and he wanted to be the one to do that. So as soon as you stopped at his table he didn't say a word as he wrapped his arms around you and brought you as close as he could despite the table being in his way.

"Minho," You whimpered a little as he rubbed your back, slowly pulling away and handing you a handkerchief to wipe your tears away.

"I saw you crying and I wanted to be the first to make sure that you were okay." He ignored everyone else around him as he looked at you, bending down a little as you stared down at the ground trying to avoid his gaze. Not that it was working, Minho wanted to look at you, to really make sure that you were okay.

"I'm okay...I'm just, a little upset. Had a bad week," You admitted as you finally met his gaze, your heart fluttering as he smiled the big smile he did around the cameras.

"Well, I hope that this can slowly make up for it." He whispered as he sat back down, slowly beginning to sign your album and ask you to tell him all about your bad week. You might not have the longest time with him but he was going to do everything in his power to make it up to you and make you feel a little better.

CHANGBIN:

This wasn't how you had been expecting things to go, standing outside of the hall where the meet and greet was happening. All of your so-called "friends" ditched you to go inside after they had given your space to someone else.

"Stupid," You mumbled to yourself as you leaned back against a wall, trying to calm yourself down before you would head home but the tears wouldn't stop flowing. You couldn't believe that they would do this to you, you'd been planning to get tickets for months and you'd finally done it only for them to give yours away before you'd paid the least toward the group purchase.

"Hey, you okay?" A voice called out and you were quick to wipe your eyes, expecting security to tell you off for lingering around but you were shocked when you saw Changbin standing there. There was a lock of concern spread across his face as he stood in front of you, head tilted to the side a little.

"I erm...I...I'm okay," You lied still not completely sure this wasn't some kind of crying induced hallucination but the tears continued to pour down.

Without a second thought about it, Changbin reached his arms around you and held you tightly against him. He didn't need to know the reason you were crying he just needed to let you know that you weren't alone right now. He ignored the protests of his manager as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, crying against him as he smiled weakly. Whatever it was that was bothering you was clearly a lot if you were willing to just break down like this.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it's going to be okay." He whispered as his hands continued to rub your back softly, he had never really been good at this kind of thing.

"My friends ditched me," You mumbled, realising it probably sounded stupid but to you this was a big deal and you hated them for it.

"Hey, if they're willing to do that then they're not worth it," He whispered reassuringly continuing to ignore his manager that was calling him over.

"But they're my only friends, if I don't have them, I have no one." You mumbled before his hands cupped your face and he made you look at him.

"That's not true, you'll always have us. Always, baby." He whispers as he rubbed his thumb along your cheek, wiping away some of the tears before letting out a sigh.

"I have to go," He hugged you one last time before turning to his manager, speaking in hushed tones before you were allowed into the room to meet the rest of the members.

HYUNJIN:

It was a stupid reason to be crying right now but you couldn't help it, the tears wouldn't stop streaming down your cheeks as you stood in front of Hyunjin. His arms wrapped around you from across the table as he "shushed" you, promising that everything was okay. You didn't know what had bought on this idea for you but since standing in front of Hyunjin you were begging them not to break up. Practically whimpering and crying at the thought of them ever splitting up or not continuing as a band anymore.

"I don't want you guys to ever leave, you can't leave." You almost sounded identical to the way that Hyunjin had cried at their district 9 Seoul concert and he whimpered, tears rolling down his cheeks as he held you close.

"We're not going anywhere, we'll always stay. Just like you." He whispered as he rubbed your back, both of you crying softly as some fans all joined in with you both. His hands rubbing your back as he smiled weakly,

"I don't want you to go, you worked so hard." You whispered as Hyunjin nodded, rubbing your back slowly pulling away and looking you in the eyes.

"We're not going anywhere, you're not either?" It came out as a question and you nodded staring back at him. You didn't want to look around, you knew people were going to be judging you hard for this but right now you didn't care. All you cared about was making a promise to Hyunjin as he made one back for you.

"Not ever." You promised as he smiled at you, bringing you back into a tight hug.

Gifs wont work T-T

JISUNG:

For as long as you could remember Jisung had been the member that always helped you the most, you thought it was because you were a lot alike with one another but you weren't sure. The two of you struggled a lot with anxiety so when the time came for you to be standing in front of him you panicked a little. Giving in to your fight or flight response and breathing far too quickly and unevenly for your body to be able to function. Tears were streaming heavily as you did your best to calm yourself down,

"Oh, baby, baby." He called out as he rushed to his feet, his hands taking yours and looking at you as you tried to regulate your breathing only it wasn't working.

"In through your nose and out of your mouth," He whispered as he kept his eyes on you the whole time. Doing the same breathing technique he was telling you to do, breathing deeply in time with you as you slowly began to come down from the panic attack.

As soon as you were breathing fine he wrapped his arms around you and smiled as you hugged him back, sniffling a little as you let out a small laugh,

"Sorry. I just get overwhelmed sometimes and I can't help-"

"It's okay, I know a panic attack when I see one. Are you sure you're okay? Do you need some water?" He suggested quickly hunting for a bottle of water and handing it over to you as you smiled at him, he was so sweet about all of this.

"No...No, but thank you. I really needed that, sometimes its just so hard to come down from them on your own." You told him as he signed your album, nodding his head.

"I know, sometimes when I get really bad I have to get channie-Hyung to help." He admits as you smiled down at him warmly, your hands meeting on the table again as you both began to talk about your anxiety struggles with one another.

FELIX:

Felix didn't make it a habit to stop and check if everyone he passed that was crying was okay but there was something about you that made him want to. He'd practically skidded his bike to a stop in front of you and stared down at you,

"Excuse me? Is everything okay?" Your headshot up so quickly he thought you were going to get whiplash and your breath caught in your throat,

"Felix?"

"Hi...Are you okay?" It was clear you knew who he was but that wasn't what he was bothered about right now, right now he was focused on whether or not you were alright.

"I'm just having a bad day," You whispered as he sat down beside you on the bench, wrapping his arm around your shoulder as if he had done this a million times.

"Tell me all about it," He whispered as he rubbed your arm gently, you didn't know what it was but you just did it. You knew Felix from videos but sitting in front of him right now made it felt as though you knew him and that the two of you were friends from before. So, you spilt everything. You told him everything that had been bothering you for a while and you cried to him softly as he did his best to comfort you.

"I know its hard right now but I promise you that things are going to get better. You're going to be able to look back on this in a few years and realise you're stronger for all of it," He whispered as he smiled a little, he didn't know if he would say the right words you needed but he was going to do the best that he could for you.

"I'm sorry I ruined your bike ride," You sniffled moving away from him and wiping your tears on a tissue,

"You didn't, do you want to bike with me?" He questioned as he noticed the bike sitting beside the bench, you bit your lip before nodding and joining him on a relaxing bike ride through the rest of the park.

SEUNGMIN:

You couldn't believe you'd been stood up...again. You should have known that the person you were speaking to was going to keep doing this to you and you just felt idiotic for believing he wouldn't. Tears were rolling down your cheeks as you quietly cried to yourself in the back of the small cafe you were sitting inside. You were tired of giving people chances only to throw it back in your face all of the time.

"Excuse me, are you okay?" Someone had slid into the seat in front of you and you sniffled, looking up and whimpering a little. You hadn't expected Seungmin of all people to be sitting in front of you with a concerned expression on his face.

"S-Seungmin? I'm sorry...I didn't mean to interrupt your day. I didn't think anyone would hear me." You whispered not knowing if anybody else around you knew that he was sitting there and he smiled at you. Stretching his hand out and rubbing your hand gently.

"It's okay, are you okay? Did something happen?" You scoffed a little wondering how you were going to explain you'd been stood up...Four times by the same man.

"I was supposed to be on a date but I'm beginning to think it's a joke." You couldn't finish your sentence before breaking out in another sob, Seungmin was by your side in a flash holding you in his arms as he sighed a little. He'd never really been good at being able to comfort people, this was always something Chan and Felix would do for the other members,

"Shh baby, it's okay." He whispered as he rubbed your arm softly. Your head sunk into his chest as you began to mumble out what had happened with the guy standing you up, Seungmin nodded and listened to you the whole time.

[X]

"What are you going to do?" Seungmin asked as he poured you another cup of tea. The two of you had been sitting together for an hour now, talking about what you were going to do the second you got back to your apartment,

"Block him." You laughed softly as he nodded his head proudly at you, sipping on hid cup as you both laughed with one another.

JEONGIN:

It happened by chance, you were walking through the park when you spotted Jeongin walking by with his brother and mother. Not wanting to disturb him and his family time you just smiled and waved your hand from a distance, letting him know you were a fan of his work. This wasn't what you had expected when you'd woken up that morning and decided to go for a walk,

"Hi," A voice called out making you jump up from the bench you were sitting on. As soon as you looked at where the voice was coming from you caught your breath in your throat. Standing there was Jeongin who had the biggest smile on his face as he bowed a little to you only for you to do the same.

"Hello, I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your family time." You did your best not to stumble over your words, you had just wanted to wave at him never this.

"That's okay, it's always lovely to meet Stay." You felt your cheeks beginning to burn as you looked at him and over at his family who were standing at a kiosk.

"You're allowed to just do this? Won't you get in trouble with management?" You panicked a little but not nearly as much as when Jeongin looked at you with a deep frown on his face.

"Are you okay?" The question that always made you cry and you nodded, doing your best to hide the fact that you had been crying on the bench before he'd seen you.

"I'm fine it's just hayfever," Jeongin looked at you, already sensing that you were lying and he sighed a little taking the seat beside you.

"It's okay to not be okay..." He whispered as you stared down at the floor, tears already beginning to rush down your cheeks as you sat with the one member who always made you feel better.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cry I'm just-" You were cut short when you were suddenly brought closer to him, his arms wrapping around your shoulders as he drew you closer.

"No, don't be sorry honey." He whispered as he rubbed your arm gently, his hands warming up your arms as you continued to cry against him softly.

[X]

Once you'd calmed down Jeongin slowly let go of you, reaching into his pocket and bringing out a fresh packet of tissues to give to you.

"I'm sorry for that," You whispered as your voice was a little hoarse from the crying you had been doing, Jeongin shook his head at you.

"It's okay, everyone cries. I just hope that I was able to calm you, even a little?" You sniffled catching his eye as you nodded your head at him,

"You did. Thank you, I'm sorry I took time away from your family." You spoke as you gestured over to his waiting family, they'd been watching from a distance and you turned back to Jeongin who smiled at you.

"No problem, they'll understand. Are you okay?" He wanted to make sure before he went anywhere and you nodded your head. Smiling brightly at him as he began to head back over to his family, this had been one of the best days of your life.

Tagline: @minholuvs @taestannie @sw33tnight @acciocriativity @mwitsmejk @taeechwitaa @justbangtanthingz @stillwithlix @lolalee24 @yubinism @ethereallino @aerastus @kimahnjung98 @halesandy

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daenqyu · 4 years ago

Text

— they accidentally confess to their crush

includes: shinsou, bakugou, midoriya, todoroki and hawks

warnings: swearing

a/n: thank you for requesting <3 i love this idea! it’s so cute🥺 also, hawks’ may be a little longer than the others because it’s my first time writing for him and i got a bit excited👉🏼👈🏼

ps: i don’t mind writing for hawks if it’s a headcannon and/or texts! so feel free to request him :D and yes, this is a repoost because the algorithm hates me.

( gif isn’t mine !! credits go to @tetsuruo )

shinsou hitoshi:

it would happen so randomly and out of the blue

as i said before, i think shinsou is a really reserved and quiet type of guy

but that seems to vanish whenever he’s around you

he’s more talkative and constantly goes out with you so you guys can have some quality time together

you also make him really nervous

he’s pretty chill with everyone and seems to not give a fuck about most things

but with you?

that’s a whole different story

whenever you keep your gaze stuck on him when he’s talking and his eyes meet yours, his heart never fails to do backflips because fuck you’re so cute

(oh to have shinsou think i’m cute D:)

ok back to the actual hc,,,

you two were hanging out in your room, listening to music and just talking

even tho your best friends, shinsou never really tells you much about his personal life

of course you know the basics like his hobbies and all his favorite things

but he never talks to you about...crushes or anything

and you don’t like that because :( friends are supposed to tell each other this stuff, right?

it’s fun and makes the bond even stronger

so you decide to ask him because why not?

“hey shinsou?”

he’s sitting down next to you on your bed, your legs draped over his

which makes him feel all warm inside

it’s stupid and definitely not a big deal,

but it’s little things like this that make him fall more and more for you

“yes?”

“do you have a crush?” you wiggle your eyebrows at him in a teasing way, although he’s not even looking your way

a part of you is nervous to hear his response

because unbeknownst to shinsou, you reallyyy like him

and have been crushing on him for quite some time now, but since you’re so sure the feelings are one sided, you don’t tell him

he’s too invested on the game he’s playing on your switch, eyebrows slightly furrowed as he concentrates

so he almost misses your question

and when he does answer, he’s not even paying attention to the words that leave his mouth

“apart from you? no”

it takes him a good minute to process what he said

meanwhile you’re sitting there like :o

you certainly weren’t expecting THAT

like it’s a good thing!!!! but you’re kinda flustered

especially when shinsou finally looks up at you, eyes widened in surprise at his own bluntness as he opens and closes his mouth a few times, not knowing what to say now

“wait! i didn’t mean it like that!”

“you didn’t?”

he notices the slight pain in your voice and the way you move away from him slowly and he’s quick to apologize

“shit, okay...yes i like you but i didn’t say anything because i don’t want to make things weird between us or ruin what we have right now”

he’s looking everywhere but you

because he doesn’t exactly want to face you when you reject him

but you don’t ???

instead you giggle and before he can ask you what’s so funny, you climb on his lap to hug him, causing him to blush furiously

“i like you too, toshi”

the nickname makes him hug you even tighter while he hides his face on your neck

it was such a cute confession and even when you two start going out, you never stop bringing it up

which makes shinsou extremely embarrassed

“hey remember when you confessed and-”

“y/n, we’ve talked about this”

“oh come on! you were so adorable”

he pouts at you

“were?”

people think he looks so scary but he’s actually a whole ass baby

you roll your eyes before leaning down to give him a sweet kiss,

“you’re such a baby”

“hm, your baby”

“oh my god you did not”

yeah no, he’s in love with you👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

( gif isn’t mine !! credits go to @bakugousmyboy )

bakugou katsuki:

i feel like it would be pretty difficult to have bakugou accidentally confess directly to you

he knows how to control himself and his emotions so i doubt he’d actually ever do something like this

however,

he’s not that good at hiding his crush on you and mostly everyone on class 1A knows the boy is an absolute sucker for you

except you because apparently you think he’s just being nice

and everyone else is like wtf????

like he’s ALWAYS screaming at everyone

but when it’s you he doesn’t

in fact, sometimes he even lowers his voice so it won’t bother you

so that behavior is the one that caused him to be stuck in the situation he is right now

he sat in the common room with kirishima and kaminari, trying to eat his food in peace but the two idiots, as he likes to call them, wouldn’t shut up

he had completely blocked out both of their voices, focusing on finishing his meal and getting the hell away from them

until he heard your name being mentioned

“dude when are you gonna ask y/n out? everyone knows how much you like her so might as well you know,” kirishima bumps his shoulder against the blonde, only to receive a glare. “get some action”

“yeah bakubro, she’s super cute too” kaminari buts in and bakugou is about to punch them both in the face

“shut the fuck up. i don’t like her” bakugou scoffs

“but you’re such a softie for her”

“huh?! i treat her the same as i treat all of you extras!” oh but he knows he’s lying, you can’t even compare to any of your annoying classmates

kirishima smirks, “i’m pretty sure you’ve never once, raised your voice at her”

“so? that doesn’t mean shit”

kaminari looks at kirishima and the redhead nods at him, giving him the green light

“well since you don’t like her, you wouldn’t mind if i ask her out? because i’ve been wanting to-” kaminari can’t even finish his sentence before bakugou grabs him by the collar of his shirt

kaminari yelps, looking over at his other friend for help but he moves his head quickly, knowing better than to get involved

“you try and make a move on her and i swear to God i’ll blast you all the way across japan, dunce face”

bakugou’s voice is threatening and low, and kaminari knows he means every word so he quickly raises his arms in defeat and nods his head

“okay, okay! i swear i won’t”

little do they know that you’ve been standing behind them for a while now

you’re happy to know your feelings are reciprocated

but of course you want to tease bakugou about it

“hm did my ears deceive me or does boom boom boy have a crush on me?”

kirishima and kaminari take that as their cue to run away to their rooms, leaving you two alone

“tch, how long have you been standing there?” even as he glares you down, he can’t hide the blush on his cheeks

he didn’t want you to find out this way

or at all tbh

you walk over to him, a wide smile on your lips

“long enough”

afterwards you ask him if he wants to go watch a movie with you the next day and he’s lowkey mad because he wanted to ask you on a date first, but he doesn’t say no

you end up having way more fun than expected and you actually confirmed that bakugou was a softie for you

(turns out you were the last one to find out because literally everyone else knew)

( gif isn’t mine !! credits go to its rightful owner )

midoriya izuku:

OKAY HE’D BE THE MOST FLUSTERED OUT OF ALL OF THEM

he can barely function around girls in general so like, what does that tell you?

he likes you so much but he’s so scared

but he’s also so sweet to you even before you start dating oml

midoriya is a sweetheart, we all know this

and he pays so much attention to you

like if you are the mall one day and you see something you really like but can’t buy it for whatever reason well…

a few days later he gets it for you

he would say something along the lines of, “you seemed to really like it so i got it for you”

“you didn’t have to, izuku!”

“but i wanted to”

you’ll try to pay him back in some sort of way but he absolutely refuses

he loves pampering you

yet whenever you try to do the same he doesn’t let you and it’s: ✨annoying✨

anyways,

you were supposed to go to the movies

but midoriya had forgotten he had some homework to do, which was due the next day

“i’m so sorry y/n! i completely forgot, but i promise i’ll finish quickly” he tried to reassure you and you chuckle at the boy, so cute

“it’s okay, izuku. i don’t mind waiting”

you lay down on his bed, trying your best to keep your eyes open

but as much as you tried, you eventually fell asleep against the soft sheets, your best friend’s bed being just too comfortable

midoriya sat on his desk chair, writing down the answers as fast as he could so you guys could go watch the movie you were so excited about

he let out a sigh of relief when he finished, before taking his phone out to check the time

6:37PM, the movie starts at 7PM so we still have time

he stood up to tell you he had finished, but was met with your sleeping figure

your eyes were closed and soft snores left your slightly parted lips, hands gripping his sheets to your chest

the curly haired boy almost combusted at the sight

you looked so peaceful, so pretty

a smile grazed his lips as he made his way over to the bed

he sat down beside you, quietly admiring your features

feeling the mattress dip thanks to his weight, you began to wake up, but quickly shut your eyes when you noticed midoriya was looking at you

truth be told, you just wanted to scare him by suddenly jumping

but his next words made your breath hitch

one of his hands moved up to your face, resting it gently against your cheek as his thumb massaged the skin

your heartbeat was out of control and you forced yourself to calm your breathing so he wouldn’t notice you were awake

his touch was so gentle and sweet, you couldn’t bring yourself to push him away

“i wish i could tell you how beautiful you are” he whispered and if you hadn’t been so close to him, you probably wouldn’t have heard him

after hearing him say that you couldn’t stay still

you opened your eyes, a smile quickly spreading across your features as you turned around to face the green haired boy

midoriya almost had a heart attack when you moved, hoping you hadn’t heard him

but based on the mischievous grin you wore, he knew you had

“well you just did”

“y-you were awake?!”

“yup, i’m glad i was tho”

hE’S INTERNALLY SCREAMING

your gaze is flirtatious and you’re still grinning and he’s just >_<

“now let’s go or we’ll be late!”

midoriya can only nod before following you outside

once you’re on your way to the movie theater, you notice midoriya fidgeting with his fingers, his eyes glued to his shoes

you smile as you suddenly take his hand in yours, interlacing your fingers together

midoriya looks at you with a nervous expression, what is she doing?

“you know, you’re beautiful too”

you were looking at him with nothing but love in your eyes and he felt so embarrassed yet excited at the same time

because holy fuck you just called him beautiful AND held his hand???

he thinks it can’t get any better than this

and then it does when you kiss him a few weeks later😳🤚🏼

( gif isn’t mine !! credits go to @ambershaydeoffical )

todoroki shouto:

like bakugou, i don’t really think he’d be clumsy enough to accidentally confess

however, he does like to speak his mind and isn’t afraid to do so

he’s just really honest and blunt

way too honest

which gets him in trouble sometimes but oh well, that’s just the way he is and everyone is pretty used to his personality by now

though, after figuring out he liked you as more than a friend, he started to think more before talking

sometimes you liked to get his opinion on your outfits and/or hairstyles

so you’d drag him to you room and force him to be honest and tell you which one he liked most

it doesn’t matter what you wear, you always look beautiful

he wants to say that, but instead he goes:

“they all look good, i think the purple shirt really fits you tho”

“i was thinking the same thing!”

he doesn’t want to scare you off or make things weird

so he forces himself to hold back on his bluntness

at least when he’s with you

but one day he just can’t help himself

you were on your way back to the dorms after a tiring day at school

todoroki walked next to you, eyes glancing over to you from time to time so you knew he was listening\

you were currently rambling about how shitty your love life was

claiming that there must be something wrong with you since no one seemed to pay attention to you- at least romantically

“i mean seriously, am i doing something wrong or is everyone i’ve met just not for me??”

you had your cheeks puffed out, a pout on your lips as you kicked the small rocks on the floor

todoroki smiled softly at your complaints, thinking irony could be quite funny sometimes

until you spoke up again,

“maybe i’m just too ugly or boring, that’d make more sense”

todoroki almost stops dead in his tracks to see if you have a fever

how could you say that????

you’re so gorgeous to todoroki, and interesting

you’re probably the first girl he’s ever liked this much in his life

and you have the audacity to doubt your worth just because other people can’t seem to appreciate you??

uh uh, he’s not having it

and so, the words come out before he can even register them properly

“if you were as ugly as you say are then, i don’t think i’d like you as much as i do”

your eyes widened and you stopped walking, wondering if you had heard him right

todoroki stops walking too, and once he realizes what happened, he’s looking away, trying to come up with a valid excuse as to why he said that

you, however, can’t stop staring at him

finding the way he glares at the ground adorable

a sense of happiness takes over your whole body when he doesn’t say anything to deny his sudden confession

because he cannot lie to you

you walk towards todoroki until you’re standing right in front of him and before he can even question what you’re doing, you plant a sweet kiss against his cheek

“good thing the feeling is mutual”

your words make him smile and he looks so happy

probably the happiest he’s ever been

and you feel proud of being the one responsible for that pretty smile of his

neither of you really rush into making things official

but the way todoroki lets you cuddle on his left side whenever you’re cold or how he waits for you every morning so you can walk together to class makes it more than clear that he really likes you

( gif isn’t mine !! credits go to its rightful owner )

takami keigo (hawks)

he’d be the type to not give a fuck about it

like he already confessed so what can he do?

nothing. exactly

he’s so cocky and flirty the whole time oml

he’d be shocked for a few seconds, but after seeing you were way more flustered than him, he’d just start teasing you

in a loving way of course

he’s also surprised you hadn’t noticed earlier on, considered how much he flirts with you, but then again, that’s part of his personality so

kinda makes sense you didn’t suspect anything

but he’s so cute and soft for you 🥺

okok so it happened the same day you got your results for your midterms

(you’re a college student here lol)

you had studied your ass off for this tests

staying up until 4AM and having to ditch your friends when they invited you to go out

so you were really positive

you squealed when your teacher hands you back the papers and you see the grade on the right corner

you felt happy to know that all your hard work wasn't in vain

the nerves you had been feeling since the day you took the midterms quickly vanished and were replaced with the feeling of pride

as you walked out of the building, you dialed the person who you wanted to share the news most with

he picked up after the second ring

“what’s up?” his voice was raspy and you ignored the butterflies that appeared in your stomach at the sound

“hey, i have great news!”

“care to elaborate?”

“you’ll find out when i get to your house”

“oh? and who said you could come over?” his tone is teasing and you can practically hear the smirk on his face, which makes you roll your eyes

“i did, now bye. i’ll be there in five minutes and order some pizza to celebrate” you don’t even get hear his complaints because you’ve already hung up

anyone who saw the way you two acted with each other would automatically think you guys were a couple

you were rather affectionate with each other; occasionally holding hands while you walked down the streets and even calling each other by your first names

that was just the bond you two had, and you loved it

he brought you so much comfort

it was almost ridiculous the way he was able to make you smile by simply calling or texting you

you had grown quite attached to the number 2 hero, but you constantly told yourself you needed to snap out of it

because you were friends

nothing more and nothing less

oh but how you wished there was more to your relationship than just that

you shook your head, as if that could help you get rid of the thoughts

true to your word, you soon found yourself outside of keigo’s house

the college you went to wasn’t that far away from there so

you pushed the doorbell and waited around two minutes before a sleepy looking keigo opened the door

his hair was messy and the way he rubbed his eyes and kept yawning let you know he probably had been taking a nap

you scoff, “were you sleeping?” you ask him as you walk into his home, smiling at the familiar scent

he chuckles from behind you, following you into his living room, “maybe, but you woke me up”

“can’t believe your lazy ass earned the number two spot”

“what can i say? it’s a talent,” he shrugs before sitting down next to you on the couch, resting his face on his hand. “so, what’s the good news?”

“so you know i took my midterms last friday, right?” keigo nods. “well, i got my results today” he raises his eyebrows in surprise and waits as you look for the papers inside your bag

once you get them out, you place them in front of your face so he can see for himself

keigo smiles proudly and it only widens when you look up at him expectantly, biting your lower lip

“holy fuck, that’s amazing! you did so good dove”

the nickname makes you weak on the knees but you’re quick to brush it off

you should be used to it, since keigo has been calling you that for quite some time now, yet it never fails to make your heart beat insanely fast

you nod excitedly and put the papers down before you start talking about your experience

keigo can’t help but admire you

you look so happy and cute

it makes him want to kiss you

he wants to shut you up by kissing you, and it sound mean and disrespectful but you just look so gorgeous 😡

and instead of randomly kissing you, he blurts out a confession

“math was probably the hardest but i managed to pass it too, surprisingly, so i-”

he doesn’t even know what you’re talking about anymore, too focused on your smile

“God i like you so much”

you shut up instantly

did you hear that right?

or was your mind playing tricks on you?

keigo looks away momentarily, before locking eyes with you and tilting his head to the side, waiting for a reaction

which he gets soon after because you can’t handle the way he’s looking at you

you look away, hiding your face the best you can

“w-what did you say?”

he smirks after hearing the stutter in your voice

he gets closer to you, until he’s right in front of your face, before saying:

“i like you, y/n”

you don’t know what to say

what are you even supposed to do???

keigo just confessed

your best friend and crush just confessed to you

that’s not something that happens everyday

“i um, like you too” you don’t look at him and he almost chuckles at your shy expression, but decides not to embarrass you any further

“happy to hear that”

he doesn’t say anything for a while and you wonder what the hell is going through his head right

he’s probably just messing with me. oh my God he probably is and i just said i liked him too so what-

your train of thought is cut off when you feel the blonde ruffle your hair while looking at you lovingly

you slowly look up to him

“i’m proud of you, dove”

fuck

“t-thanks”

“now, i think this is something worth celebrating and i’m not talking about pizza. so let me take you out”

“it’s fine, keigo. you don’t need to-”

“can’t hear you, give me about fifteen minutes and then we’ll get going”

you try to tell him no, that it’s fine and you can just eat pizza but he ignores you and still takes you out to eat

i’ll say it again: he’s so sweet :(((

he pays for the food and gives you his jacket when you get cold

he even treats you to some dessert !!

he also kisses you good night when he drops you off at your house <3

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