#look man im just autistic
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Can you tell where the looped autism pipeline goes with me-
#mono-log#ive come to believe that the spamton NEO to Transformers pipeline is real and its a loop#I knew it was over as soon as i learnt about Starscream but... SWINDLE?#oh i was fucking COOKED.#They're all either kissing or killing each other to me....#or teaming up to scam people...#transformers#deltarune#spamton#starscream#swindle#swindle transformers#look man im just autistic
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getting around to pearl’s double life pov. she is making me cry chat (i’m only 2 episodes in)
i’ll do an actual design eventually. this is mostly emotion + not wanting to think. hence eye
#the most fucked up scruckly art for the most fucked up skruckly character#i misspelled that but it fits even more tbh#i’m literally just doing ANYTHING with colors atp man idk#here have rusty skin. who cares#also when i watch life series i don’t tend to think of them as seperate characters from the cc that much tbh#except this#my autistic ass HAS to remind myself it is a character. this one is a character. it is a character.#pearl and scott and martin and ren are all friends. look at them in other videos yaaaayyy friends!!! such so happy friends so friendly happy#double life pearl is breaking my heart#i’m glad she kills everyone LMAO i went in knowing 1 thing#and now im actually happy i spoiled 5am pearl for myself#pearlescentmoon#life series#double life#art
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how do i talk about taash being a realistic character while also acknowledging that they absolutely couldve and shouldve been written better in every aspect
#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#datv#dragon age critical#taash#dragon age taash#i can only take so much “they act like a kid” takes from ppl#or ppl not understanding them saying no one likes being a woman#LIKE CMON#bioware get some non white ppl in that writers room im begging#get some non white trans ppl in there#anyway. i think some of how they act was unintentional can i be honest#to me they read as an autistic person that has a weird relationship with the world around them#i say this. as someone that is that. lmao#its like. man idk. them choosing a culture is dumb and ugh#but also their trans journey is interesting to look at#IDKKK#i wanna talk about them but i dont want weirdos or freaks in my notifs lmao#and like. god they couldve been written so much better#but also ppl not knowing that aqun athlok is a binary within the qun#and could get ascribed to ppl that ARENT that bc the qun has strict gender roles#but we dont see them look into qunari gender roles or customs#or rivaini gender roles/customs#UGHHHHHH bio ware you fumbled but also didnt but you did lord have mercy#if youre reading these#i hope you know these are just my scattered thoughts#one day ill do a real analysis on them#its an issue of them wanting the audience to know theyre nonbinary while also not creating an in world term#like aqun athlok. which again. does not describe taash lmao#and while i think its a good thing how up front their gender indentity is
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Okay idk if its just me but I've seen SO MUCH hate for switches here recently😭 idk if theres a joke im missing out on or??? The arguments are always the same as biphobic ones too, the whole "you cant be both, pick a side" thing
Like, yes, more often than not I prefer subbing. But that doesnt mean I dont like to dom just as much, I just have to be with someone I really like and that hasn't happened in a while. Also i just find sub posting easier and more fun than dom posting, but thats just my experience.
Idk. To all my fellow switches, you guys are the bomb. Ur hot as fuck I dont care what anyone else says. Now get over here so we can make out sloppy style and fight for dominance like a couple of dogs.
#every time i see switch hate i just look at it like “oh :(”#like. i thought we as a kink community were passed this😭#idk man maybe im overreacting or misreading tone again akdjjfkf#autistic nsft#trans nsft#gay nsft#ftm nsft#t4t nsft#transmasc nsft#queer nsft#bi nsft#ftm switch
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I can't get over every little thing spencer reid does. like his little mannerisms are EVERYTHING TO ME. The way he talks with his hands, how he presses his middle finger to his thumb and rubs them together sometimes or moves it as if he's writing when talking, the way he scrunches his face up sometimes, the way he wrings his hands at all really like just playing with the fingers of his other hand or sometimes I've seen him just press his knuckles together and rub them together, the thin lipped pressed together smile he does as he awkwardly waves to new people he's being introduced to, when his hair is a long enough length and he tucks it behind his ears all the time. I think he does both sides sometimes and and and UGHHHHH I LOVE HIM
#i already knew this but writing this out just made me realize what a stimmer this guy is#that man is AUTISTIC#and i love him and i want him in my bed#i want to kiss him and love him and care for him and give him head#spencer reid you are so important to me#just#AAAAAAAHHHHHHH#spencer reid#criminal minds#spencer reid criminal minds#dr spencer reid#doctor spencer reid#agent reid#dr reid#i need him so bad it's concerning#i also love his rambling so much and when people cut him off or guve his discouraging looks i feel insane#CUZ WHY ARE CUTTING HIM OFF LET THR PRETTY BOY TALK#still cant forgive jj when she cut him off and was like 'interesting. coffee?' and got up in the middle of a sentence#effectively cutting him off#AND WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE SHE'S IN LOVE WUTH HIM#FUCK OOOOOFFFFF#im a jeid hater#JEID DOESNT MAKE SENSE THEY HAVE ABSOLUTEY NO ROMANTIC CHEMISTRY IN THE SLIGHTEST#NOOOONE#edit: i need to add this even tho it's not exactky a mannerism BUT PUPPY DOG EYES#HE DOES IT ALL THE FUCKING TIMES AND IT KILLS ME#criminal minds fandom#criminal minds evolution#criminal minds spencer reid#criminal minds series
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people dont understand the importance of making elias look boring. it makes all the fandom memes way funnier. just this normal looking grown ass man but everyone writes him as babygirling his way through life
#you must portray him like he has never known joy but somehow manages to girlboss anyway#lame in the face cunty in the body language#you can still make him dress nice#BUT MAKE THAT MAN LOOK HIS AGE FOR GOD SAKE#AND NO MORE OF THE WRETCHED MUSTACHE I SAY!! NO MOREEE#elias bouchard#tma#also i feel like the never knowing joy thing fits with the eye#it knows everything and still wants more#im fairly certain an insatiable hunger will absolutely wreck your mood but thats just me#he has the same line delivery as lena kelly too#hes just more evil than her#but you must understand i think theyre both autistic and definitely traumatized#mild rant
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Please stop using functioning labels to describe yourself. They're extremely ableist and by doing so you're perpetuating ableism. Use support need labels instead, please. Sincerely, a low support needs autistic person.
are you fucking shitting me right now
#hideawaysisposting#guess im ableist for using a label im comfortable with to describe myself!#look anon i know the history behind these labels i know the ways theyve been weaponized against us#but me saying i dont function at the same rate as you isnt fuckin ableist that is a neutral fact abt myself#Are You Fucking Serious#why do you want to take that away from not just me but every other autistic person who finds that functioning labels suit them personally#leave me alone abt it man. god
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i want top neuvillette who's still femme and a crybaby my god is that so hard
#/lh#my tastes. masc bottoms femme tops#to be fair my dynamic with them is neuv gets pregnant but neuv also tops. so generally speaking. solid switches. but wrio bottoms#he's the king of the underworld after all.#i do think its hilarious tho if you look at the trends across wrlt vs nvwr interpretations#the tops always gets broadened...... masculinized.... aged#and the bottom becomes this waifish wet noodle..........#like ive seen bottom wrio with a baby face. paired with a neuv who's somehow broader than him#and alternatively ive seen the. meatiest. manliest middle-aged man wriothesley with a neuvillette who's back is perpetually arched#and im like the dimorphism is crazy /j this isnt just a strictly wrlt thing tho this is real across. every ship. that has ever existed lol#tho on a more serious note i have a big squick when it comes to bottom wrio interps where an emphasis on their dynamic is........#the fact that he's younger. or that they first met when he was a minor. im like weird thing to emphasize but ok.#disclaimer tho when i say crybaby hes not a Childish Man mind you. hes Sensitive and Awkward but he's still got that weird ancient stalenes#his voice just wobbles sometimes. he often sound like hes at the verge of tears even if his face is perfectly flat#hes autistic like that#and the sole reason why wrio doesnt top That Much is because hes fuckin tired man. eepy. hes like my god neuv if you still wanna go at it#ur gonna have to take the reins. baby im tired.#something something freakish dragon strength and stamina#personally. my hcs are as such. neuvillette is very lean. almost uncannily long if i exaggerate it for funsies. hes slenderman coded. skinn#but you find no texture underneath his skin. you can't feel bones or muscles shift when he moves when you touch him#there's this exceptional discomfort when you see him lift something that looks much heavier than he should be able to manage#almost like his long fingers might impale it. like you are balancing something soft and fleshy on a nail. it doesn't feel secure#like if wriothesley held you. his arms would feel warm and solid. thick and supportive. whereas neuv's feels like it might dig into you#i could yap all day.
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my type is so obvious its like comical
#⚠️#what can i say i know what i like#pathetic socially awkward dorky dudes with strange hairstyles#<- hairstyle is usually like slicked back but its even better when its like spencers and just looks really silly#like man they all have glasses (spencer has them briefly but it still counts) and theyre all in formal wear#theyre all nerdy as hell#theyre all very autistic#im so predictable
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unironically all the takes ive been seeing irt laios have been sooooo 😬😬😬 that if/when i catch up reading and/or watching i simply shant interact w anyone outside of my trusted mutuals bc holy shit yall
#morgan.pdf#theres a bunch of other fandombrained bullshit i dont want 2 touch w a 30 foot pole but#good lord the recent shit ive been seeing. you know autistic adults are still Adults right#allistic folks will see an autistic man and be like awww he is sooo sillygoofy i love my little autistic son🥰🥰🥰#and then you look and that silly little boy is 26 years old#also just bc im also autistic and cant tell if my own tone is coming across right. i think laios is a fun and cool character#who portrays autism in a genuinely refreshing way (ie not the butt of a joke sheldon bigbangtheory style)#but u can be autistic and an adult 💀💀💀 dont infantalize him like that yallre weord#edit: actually not even just allistics ive seen a lot of autistic folk talking abt him like hes a 5 year old 💀💀💀
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on like day 2 of my leigh whannell rabbit hole when i still knew nothing about him i was watching a random movie review that happened to be bye bye man and i immediately recognized him
i was like half asleep too and i glance up and im like is that leigh whannel theres no way thats leigh whannell thats just someone who kinda looks like him right *looks it up* oh thats leigh whannell wtf
#remember my only image of him in my head is 2004 leigh whannell in yhe soggy bathroom i barely recognized him HAHA#this happened like a week n a half ago and it makes me laugh bc that time was perfect#he doesnt even have a major role in the movie he just walks around shooting people for 2 minutes and dips out of the plot#so thats how i found out leigh whannell was in bye bye man HAHA#just watched Cooties i love his autistic character#which is funny bc i vowed not to watch Cooties bc it looked dumb and im full of spite#but i learned he was in it and just threw my nonexistant morals put the window#leigh whannell
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I am DISTRAUGHT because I just watched Charlie countryman right, and obvi I watched it for the sexy plot (called Nigel) but like omfg I'm crying his death was so unfair to say the least. Like he was so in love with Gabi she saved him and he had been in love with her since he heard her music and yeah she didn't love him anymore or so she said but he was so protective and when he had to kill Charlie he nearly did but he wanted Gabi back so he suggested she do it and then she betrayed him which was so mean bcs Charlie was pathetic honesty but like rather than Charlie or Gabi shoot him, or even have him shoot himself. He pretends to pull a gun and a cop shoots him IN THE HEAD because he would rather die than live without her, and he knew that either he would be sent to jail or have to run if he survived. HE DIED WITH A LOVING SMILE ON HIS HEAD AND BLEEDING IN A HEART SHAPE LIKE THAT'S JUST SO NOT FAIR HE DIED BECAUSE HE LOVED HER SO MUCH HE COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT HER
LIKE MY BABY I'M SO SORRY LIFE DID YOU LIKE THAT SURE YOU WERE A MURDERED CRIME LORD OR WHATEVER BUT HE DIED FOR LOVE AND SURE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE CHARACTER WE DIDN'T LIKE BUT I JUST CAN'T NOT LOVE HIM I WOULD DO THE SAME TBH BUT LIKE WHYYYYY
#charlie countryman#nigel charlie countryman#mads mikkelsen nigel#nigel mads#im crying#so sad#he just loved her#autism#im too autistic for them to do me like this#i will literally explode#my wife said he looked funny and ngl yeah with the silly leg he does but also like its so sad#he is such a beautiful man istg#so beautiful#i love him#im in love with him#im obsessively watching everything he is in because im so in love with him
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messing around with the colour beige to make the heartbreaking discovery that i think it looks terrible. i tried doing something new with a dark/light-academia theme but: a) i am reminded on why i use dark-reader 24/7; bright colours hurt my very baby weak eyes and gives me migraines b) beige is a very difficult colour to work with and i make it look completely ass conclusion: an astronaut theme wouldn't hurt and it'd be a cute homage to my og blog (may she rest in pieace)
#slank-screams🗯️#i have been very much autistic about space from a young age#the general look of space - the feeling of the beyond and the art surronding it has always been very appealing to me#also darker colours are just. infinitely easier to work with on a blog level#apologies for the rancid gautier man invasion on your dash you will be seeing more of him#i needed to mourn those 3 pieces of rancid gautier fanart that is officially Lost-Media™ which i lost again alongside my refs#so i figured why not start off strong by firing my blog rent lowering gunshots when people peek at it#it's going to take a while to find & gather up the writing refs‚ fodlan lore refs and general fandom/fanon takes i found interesting#thankfully the more important ones arent hard to fine - but maaaaaaaaaaaan#silver lining: im no longer shadowbanned!
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waiting for files to upload and having a moment about feelings ive had my entire life but never realized i had
#saw a tiktok where someone described feeling like a 'placeholder friend' and i was like. oh. yeah. thats a feeling i have#god its crazy to think about. when i would see stuff about always feeling like you're weird i didnt think that applied to me#until i thought about it more and realized i HAVE always been very aware that im seen as 'weird' i just didnt always see it as a bad thing#i feel like it was also hard to look inward about my behavior bc i was so thoroughly convinced i was normal. despite trying to adjust my -#- behavior to what i thought people do. trying to react like how i thought people were supposed to react#trying to cover up my actual thought processes behind things and fabricate what i thought was more normal reasoning#despite all of that i was unironically like 'thank god im the only normal one here' for SO LONGGGG#learning that i was probably autistic when i was like 16 sent my whole world crumbling down LOL#all because i took an autism quiz for fun. i was so sure that i wasnt. so i took the quiz. and then i scored highly#and then i looked into it more and thought more about myself and Oops! that all kinda describes me!#so. yeah. been having a moment tonight. evaluating my feelings ive had all my life and whatever#usually knowing im different doesn't get me down all that often. but it kinda is tonight! just a little#its probably because its 1 in the morning right now. ill be less emotional when its not the middle of the night#but. man
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the internet is currently out and im sharing data from my phone but i was thinking about something
in my view of religion and spirituality everything is made up of stories. gods are stories and gods are forgotten and die when their stories are no longer told. humans are stories when alive and even more so when dead; to a point where a dead human can ascend to godhood if their stories are told enough (like how king arthur may have been a real person but how that doesnt really matter at this point). even the smallest things are made of stories because even the rocks have experienced time and change
what this means for this post is that i was thinking about how angry some people would be if i wrote an edda and called it modern au because itd be set in the now and not in the glorified past
#norse paganism#asatru#heathenry#norse heathenry#look man im autistic and was way too into reconstructionalism but a mans gotta acknowledge that culture changes and thus so does religion#mans learned too many things about religious evolution while researching for worldbuilding projects to even bother trying to claim that#the gods are absolute and neverchanging not just on a human scale but also on a narrative scale#the gods can be real and fictional at the same time the two arent exclusive in faith
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realizing that it sounds kind of mean for me to be referring to this fic as the “cringe loser” fic if you don’t have the extensive lexicon i’ve created in my head for the lengthy opinion essay i haven’t written about how most people don’t actually want “good” autist-rep, they want “cool” rep even at the expense of ‘accuracy’. just believe me i say “cringe loser” with the highest degree of absolute affection
#N posts stuff#brief overview is: abed is generally one of the only characters i see lauded as Good rep#but there’s no way to quantify his representation in a way that successfully singles him out in the convo#ie; people claim it’s Good bc Harmon is autistic — doesn’t hold up bc post-music sia now touts a diagnosis#so either you think she’s lying for obscure internet clout OR having an autisticwriter in the room isn’t The Thing that makes it work#‘if they would hire autisticactors tho’ but that doesn’t hold up either bc abed is portrayed by an allistic man#and when that MH cartoon with the autistic character dropped people immediately started mocking the voice acting#even tho she was played by an autistic actress. so that also doesn’t hold up#so what differentiates abed?#shaun murphy is ‘cringe’ bc he talks weird and has meltdowns#and wendy please stand by is ‘bad’ bc she lives in a group home#and attorney woo is ‘embarrassing’ bc she has motor skill issues and makes odd facial expressions#and the MH girl is ‘childish’ bc she talks weird#etcetera and so on. so why is abed different? i don’t know if his portrayal Is significantly different#i think he just ‘looks cooler’ than these other characters so people like him more#the deficits he has are usually throwaway jokes instead of things that are given narrative weight. so you can ignore them if you want#and if you wanted to argue that the Narrative of the show is what makes a difference then i would also disagree with you#bc abed is pretty extensively mocked in the show. a lot of his autistic traits are just the punchlines of jokes about his characters#(i mean every character on the show is so at least abed isn’t single out but i wouldn’t exactly call it Respectful)#and if you argue that it’s good bc it’s ‘unintentional’ bc harmon didn’t know he was autistic at the time#then i’d point out that abed is made the punchline of an autism joke within his first five minutes on screen#so they knew Enough about what they were doing to make him the joke. so i don’t believe that holds water either#anyway the argument doesn’t cumulate in the opinion that any of these shows are definitively Good Rep#bc the notion of Good Rep is so shakily defined that it’s hard to quantify and also a lot of the examples i chose aren’t like#‘good’ narratively even if i like the characters so im not arguing that they’re better or worse than community or whatever#it really is just an argument about people wanting things to look ‘cool’ more than they want it ‘real’#and that’s why you see autistic influencers literally bullied off social media by other autistic people for acting ‘cringe’ by.. stimming#and that’s it. bc they didn’t look Cool Enough when they did it#so i think we desperately need to embrace Cringe Losers bc i think the Cool factor is a bad one to measure by
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