#look guys i have no problem discussing stuff on this blog and sharing all kind of opinions

[the-jam-to-the-unicorn]

Hey Jam, would like to let off some steam, because since the explosion happened, I keep reading how some approach Zelenskyj just because he said straight away that they were Russians. I understand that some are angry and say that he shouldn't blame anyone without proof. But come on, the first thing EVERYONE thought was THAT it was the Russians when they heard about the explosion! So how can it be that Selenskyj is turned on like that. After all, it's his opinion. And it's not all 100% complet

(If there is a second part of that anon, I unfortunately didn't receive it.)

I feel you and I know what you mean.

Here's the thing, everyone else (and I know some people think this because I've got seveal angry messages from people blaming Vova):

Was the communication on all (!!!) sites (Ukraine, Poland, NATO,...) perfect on Tuesday?! No. It was not perfect and mistakes happened.

But for god's sake, give that poor man a break and stop shaming and blaming him...

for something that wasn't his fault in the first place

after he had an absolutely hellish day

knowing very well emotions are ruining high right now

and expecting from him that he's always perfect (he's a human being after all - humans make mistakes)

after what the world did to Ukraine in the past

We can all not even imagine the trauma, pressure and stress he's living through since almost 9 (!!!) months of war. He has seen and heard things and had to decide things we can't even imagine and for almost 300 days he's fighting for his country with literally everything and every little bit of strength he has - despite the fact that the world basically gave a shit about Ukraine and some big countries are guilty of bringing Ukraine in the current situation. (And I could elaborate on this, but I think you get, what I'm trying to say.)

And Tuesday was one of the worst (!) missile attacks on Ukraine since February 24th. That destroyed large parts of the energy infrastructure ... when winter is about to start (or has started in large parts of Ukraine already). Not to mention the many people who died.

And one of these missiles or one of Ukrainians AD-missiles hit Poland. And his military says it's a Russian missile.

What do you all expect him to do and how to react?! Just shrug his shoulders and being like "Oh fuck, things happen, haha, good day! Sooooorry Poland!"???

For fuck's sake, that he may have reacted a little bit (too) emotional, I think, is more than understandable. And that he thought it's a Russian missile is also understandable.

What was he suppossed to do? Ignore his own military and intelligence service who all told him that it was a Russian missile?! As the President and Supreme Commander? Yeah, good luck with doing that during a war when chances it actually is a Russian missile are fucking high.

Not to mention that Ukraine has absolutely every fucking right to say that they believe it's Russia and defend themselves against any possible accussations. Anyone else remembers the whole "MH17"-guilt debacle??? How absolutely NO ONE believed Ukraine and thought they are guilty and everyone believed Russia (and everyone was oh so surprised when the court finally agreed and said Russia is guilty and not Ukraine)? Or all the othe Russian Propaganda things - blaming Ukraine whenever they could - and the world believing it until February 24th (or even right now).

So of course Ukraine wanted to be a step ahead.

And if people would not only listen to one statement he made, but actually took time to get informed, most people who complained would now know that he did say Ukraine is sorry about the deaths (he even held a minute of silence during his video addresses) and he voiced it different and much more diplomatic in the following days. And that he believes it's a Russian missile because that's what HIS PEOPLE TOLD HIM. (but he's open for other results after investigations and very sorry if it really is an Ukrainian AD-missile)

And one last thing (looking at all kinds of people): We, the people (media, society,...) need also to calm down. The amount of people who believed that literally any second WW3 could start and NATO throwing a nuclear bomb at Russia was unbelievable.

That's. Not. How. NATO. Works.

Stoltenberg isn't sitting in some dark office and is only waiting for Vova's call to press a button and drop that nuclear bomb. Soooooooooooo many things have to happen before NATO even considers of doing something. And a nuclear bomb is literally the last possible action they could do. They have so many other options. Some are military, some are not. And if NATO gets active or not is not tied to Vova.

And after all the red lines have been crossed by Russia - despite NATO saying that if Russia crosses THAT red line, they will do something ... oh no, wait, THAT red li ... no, no that other red li ... uuuhhhh ... the other one?! Oh damn, no, but thaaaat red ... - and NATO still did nothing big (no closed sky, no unlimited supply of weapons, still holding back several types of weapons, ...) you really think all of the sudden WW3 starts?!

In the end: Whatever happened in Poland (and it's still not 100% sure what kind of missile it is or who fired it) on Tuesday - it was never and will never be Ukraine's fault. It's Russia's fault and Russia's fault only. Without the war THEY started and without THEIR missiles, no missile would had ever hit Poland.

[petalologist]

YOU SHIP CHIYAKA tell me your thoughts sand i'll tell you mine there's like 3 other people on this site i've met who ship chiyaka

HELLO!! first off, sorry for such a late response; i've been out of town for a few weeks. i really appreciate you reaching out though, as i love discussing ship stuff!!

honestly it started just because i have a problem with constantly shipping ayaka with various fatui LMFAO (stares at my scarayaka and lyneyaka art nervously) but i do think they could have a very fun dynamic! tartaglia is a very Respects Strong Women kind of guy and ayaka would be no exception, albeit her combat experience pales in comparison to those whose main line of work is in fighting. i feel like the obvious idea would be them meeting for diplomatic purposes, but i also think it would be fun if they just kinda met each other out in the wild, whether they know about each other's respective roles and titles at first or not. i think they'd equally spoil each other. ayaka is big on gift giving and would definitely express her affection through those sort of hints at first. i also have had thoughts about their respective thoughts on family? ayaka and ayato being the remaining members of their clan obviously makes them very close and worrisome about one another, and childe's sort of sheltering of his siblings might remind her of how ayato had been with her for a while. crying and sobbing thinking of ayaka pulling out her long since stored away childhood temari to teach teucer how to play, introducing his little siblings to various inazuman games and events like festivals. also, i enjoy the contrast between ayaka's more cautious and closed-off approach to live vs childe's seemingly impulsive nature. he'd be a bad influence on her in a fun way lmao

there's also obviously the angst potential. c'mon. harbinger and a government official/practically princess from two countries with rocky relations? childe is totally ayaka's 'sneak away at night, steal kisses in chinju forest away from their respective duties' bf. they'd be the types to fall for each other but barely see each other, as ayaka remains pretty stationary in her work for the yashiro commission and childe is always traveller for one mission or another.

these are all TOTALLY VAGUE and as you can tell i haven't actually ever hashed this stuff out, but i'd love love love to hear your own thoughts on them!! it's always so nice to see anyone who shares any of my rarepairs :"")

EDIT: AFTER LOOKING AT UR BLOG I REALIZE IVE READ YOUR FICS BEFORE??? HELLO WHAT AN HONOR

[xxlittle-miss-horrorxx]

I think I may make a side blog just for Helluva Boss

Now it’s not really gonna be so much of a critical blog (even if I may critique things here and there) but idk I still have a very love and hate relationship with said series. It’s actually more of a blog of an AU of how I would change things. Like redesigns and such.

I don’t fully hate it since I had fond memories with season 1 but idk something about season 2 misses the mark for me… the last episode was so bad that even my friends who love the series thought it was too much. (Actually like me, they also can’t stand season 2)

Also, I don’t wanna discuss these spindlehorse allegations. I feel like it’s not fair to jump the gun since there’s more sides to the stories and I keep seeing screenshots that provide no context at all. And just talking about that is super exhausting… like sorry guys, I rather not have people bother me about that.

However, I still like the characters I just wish season 2 didn’t assassinate them. I actually love Blitzo being an cynical asshole and he’s a favorite of mine BUT ahhhh I would prefer if he faced consequences. I’m very mixed with Stolas, I enjoyed him through season 1 since idk the morally grey with him was entertaining but eh…. The woobification happened and once again being neglectful to Octavia :””) so yeah but I had ideas I have in mind.

I think the issue with Helluva Boss, is that it should had stayed as an episodic edgy adult cartoon than forcing it to have a plot driven story. A thing with cynical characters CAN work but you should let them face consequences when they do dumb stuff. It’s kind of why I enjoy MTV’s downtown so much since that show too has cynical characters but don’t always get things easily handed to them. But now it’s like giving me the odd feeling I had with Aggrektsuko and SVTFOE when they force a ship to show that it ruins all logic 🙃🙃🙃

That being said, I have issues with the fandom and hatedom.

I really don’t wanna engage to much with the fandom since holy shit there’s so much toxic positivity there, i remember people getting angry at me for disliking Loona. (When I had my reasons) and I had to give my reasons why the show had a misogyny problem with women. Because god forbid a fan can’t have different opinions.🙄🙄🙄 I am nervous to share self ship art of my oc with Bl*tzo since oooof st*l*tz shippers may take it personal. (Even tho I plan to have blitzo and Stolas be in a friends with benefits relationship since I think that makes more sense with them )

And while I don’t really 100% believe these allegations since I think there’s missing truth, I hate how these Stans would attack Erin and Ken like guys please fucking stop. We need to have innocent until guilty, not just with Viv okay? I’ve detached myself from Viv since I’m not fond of her childish behavior but I don’t wanna jump the gun with her still. (Please don’t bother me about this I’m aware of Ken and I do hope they recover, it’s just that’s so exhausting )

As for the hatedom and antis… oooof I’ve seen antis go too far and would harass Viv and her writers and such because of a bad episode and all of that. Don’t get me wrong, I know Viv enables bad fandom behavior and even shit talks people that review her stuff and I am against that… but sometimes these haters stoop to her level. Hell one “critical” blog even went on how Viv blocked them and was all “suspicious I think not” well when you constantly got o their pages to harass her and her team, well no shit they’ll block you. And idk this person just has a very unhealthy extreme hate for Viv…. They watch her every move and look way too deep into things…

It’s just idk I hate because these people get lumped with criticals. Some critic blogs are fine I just hate they’re now lumped with antis that go too far.

Also maybe it’s me, I’m planning to create an Indie project soon and I just rather make a side blog for this stuff. I think it may be unprofessional for someone like me to dwelve into the hatedom and fandom and it’s better to surround yourself with small friends you trust.

So yeah don’t expect me going anti or Stan, it may be a bit critical but it’s also me doing fun AUs and enjoying things I do like about the show. The more you stay in toxic positivity or toxic negativity, it’s gonna eat you alive.

I’ve been encouraged by friends to just do my own thing you know :3

So I just rather be the casual fan who just forms her opinions on things so I don’t have to interact with fandom as a whole :””)

[writertitan]

have you eve done the fluff alphabet before? They can be kind of long but I'd love to hear your thoughts on Levi!

this is so cute, i’ve never done a fluff alphabet! this is the one i’ve seen go around by @snk-warriors​ (so cute thank u for sharing)

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

I think Levi is the type of partner who starts up a new hobby with a partner as a way of bonding with them. Like, the two of you just get super into candle-making together lmao. I think he’d want to spend most of his free time with his partner, even if it’s just in comfortable silence. He really appreciates feeling safe with his person and relishes in the mundane.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

I’ll say it before and I’ll say it again. Levi doesn’t really have a physical type. He really pays attention to people’s character first. He would really admire how his partner is constantly trying to be their best self, and admires their strength, and he thinks it’s beautiful that they can see the good in life, because it helps him see the good in life too. He would absolutely love the most random parts of your body, though. Maybe it’s your cheekbones, maybe it’s the shape of your hands. Something that he thinks is so unique to you.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Levi is not a man of many words a lot of the time, but he is a man of action. If his partner is feeling down in any way, he’s there physically to help you through it. Over time, he makes little mental notes of what seems to help and what doesn’t, so that he can continue doing the things that help you and stop doing the things that don’t. If you prefer just being held for a while, no talking, he catches on quickly and offers himself up. If you need to talk, he listens and makes sure you know you’re the only thing in the world he’s paying attention to at that moment. He’ll know how you’ve calmed yourself down in the past, before he was in the picture, and takes up that ritual himself. Did you make yourself some mac and cheese to cheer yourself up in the past? He knows the recipe now, too. Very action-based man.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Levi, especially canon Levi, has trouble envisioning any sort of long-term future for himself. He’s just living his life one day at a time and pushing through. However, with a partner in his life, he indulges himself with little visions of the future. Things like marriage, children, are blurry wishes to him tbh, not out of the question but things that he won’t allow himself to indulge in. They’re kind of a given if you’re serious, and that’s enough to satisfy him. But near-future things are things he often thinks about. He wants to live with his partner, wants to think about how they’ll spend their next anniversary, he often thinks about what you both will be doing together for the holidays. Those futures comfort him immensely.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

I think it is actually rather equal with Levi. He has so much baggage of his own, that a partner willing to share the load would make him feel really safe. But, I think he’d subconsciously be more of the dominant figure. He dedicates himself to his loved ones, and would do anything for them, and his partner would feel that tenfold.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Levi definitely is an, “I’m too old for this shit” type of guy when it comes to fights with his partner lmfao. He’s not about the dramatics of fighting. I don’t think he’d really ever yell at his partner or vice versa. The fights would have a snarky energy - I can see him snapping at his partner sometimes, or making an infamous sarcastic remark when he’s irritated - but Levi would honestly rather just discuss the problem bluntly and get it out of the way. But my god, the man wouldn’t back down until it was all cleared up.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

SO GRATEFUL. I think Levi would be so thankful to have his partner in his life. He knows he’s a tough nut to crack, so having someone finally get through to him is scary but wonderful. He sees everything you do for him and I think he’d honestly be so emotional about even the littlest things, because he’s so used to taking care of everyone else. It’s almost uncomfortable for him to know that someone is unconditionally loving him, but he’s grateful he has that love. Never takes it for granted.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Per the above, Levi is a tough nut to crack, and I think it would take a really, really long time to fully open him up. Like, a really long time. Honestly, he may not ever completely open up about his past because it can be so dark, but that doesn’t mean that he would actively keep secrets from you. If anything, his partner would know him the best out of everyone. While he may keep some stuff about his past in the dark, everything else is no secret. He’ll tell you about his day, about what’s going on with his friends, all that good stuff.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

I think Levi with a partner would be a little softer, and a little more optimistic. I also think a big thing that Levi would change would be his ability to compromise (because I think it’s hard for him to compromise). He’d definitely be a lot happier and kinder to himself with a partner around. And, in private, he’d allow himself to be more vulnerable and actually show his emotions. Levi is a pretty level-headed person as well, and I think he would pass that trait on to his partner.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Levi is not a jealous person, but he’s very protective of his partner!! This is the hill I die on!!! He is always looking out for you, so if someone does hit on you, he watches to see how you react. If it’s funny to you, it’s funny to him, but if it’s creepy to you, then he’s already cracking his knuckles.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

I don’t want to roast this lovely man but I don’t think he’d be a great kisser at first LMAO. He’s so not used to being loved. Levi is touch-starved, confirmed on Tanny’s blog. I think the first kiss is okay at best, definitely awkward, and Levi definitely doesn’t really know what to do. He’s a quick learner, though. He’s a good kisser in no time, after learning how you like to be kissed, and after finally getting him to believe it’s okay to be affectionate.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

I picture it as word vomit (Levi’s version of word vomit tho, which is like, a couple of sentences). He’d confess his feelings for you once he just can’t physically keep the words in anymore. He’d definitely fight against it for a while but then the word vomit happens. I think, specifically, his first “I love you” would be quite intimate and very quiet, just a whisper in your ear when he finally realizes it. Realizing he loves you would be much easier for him than realizing he has feelings for you, so he wouldn’t even hesitate with saying it first, the sweet boi.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

I don’t think Levi had ever considered marriage before meeting you. But after meeting you, that would likely change if you wanted to get married. He’d want to spend his life with his partner, and whether that means marriage or not, it doesn’t quite matter to him. Just the promise of being together is good enough for him. If the two of you do decide to get married, it’s no frills. Tbh, there’s no elaborate proposal from Levi, but he makes sure that he formally asks you and that it’s special to the two of you. Maybe he’d ask you at the place you first met/kissed/etc. The marriage itself would be just as lovely and peaceful as the relationship with him beforehand. Not much changes, except both you and Levi acknowledge there’s an added commitment as spouses. I think both of you would really cherish your new titles as spouses.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Levi doesn’t strike me as the type to give their S/O nicknames like babe, baby, etc. but I’m sure he’d have a specific nickname that only he uses for you. Other than that, just calling his partner by their name is enough.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Levi’s quite the stoic man, so while he presents that way to the rest of the world, his loved ones can actually see the difference between an “in love” Levi vs. a “not in love” Levi. It’s not that it’s a huge difference, he’s just softer somehow, and there’s more peace within his eyes, and he even smiles more. Levi’s not a huge fan of PDA, so he’s not prone to showing a lot of affection in front of others. In private, it’s a different story. Once he gets comfortable with affection, he’s more receptive and more giving. In front of others, he’s more comfortable holding hands or putting his hand on your back. He may not be a fan of PDA, but his eyes are on you frequently, and anyone who catches him looking at you can see how much he loves his partner.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Like I said above, not a fan of PDA. Doesn’t mean Levi’s secretive about his relationship at all. He’s proud to have his partner and proud to talk about his partner when the topic comes up. He’d be quite shy/uncomfortable kissing in front of others. Maybe not a fan of kisses on the lips, but he’d be more okay with forehead kisses, cheek kisses, etc.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Levi is so protective over his partner don’t @ me, and it just also means he’s naturally more attentive. He’d notice if your mood changes, he’d notice if something was “off” with you, he’d definitely remember you mentioning wanting something in passing and then gift it for your birthday/Christmas/a random Tuesday like MONTHS later. Memory of an elephant and more tuned into emotions than people give him credit for.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Again, not overtly romantic. Levi is a straightforward person, very practical, and very simple. But he’d give his partner the moon if he could. He believes in making things special, though, so I think he would actually put some thought/creativity in romantic actions rather than going for something cliché.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Oh absolutely. Levi is so supportive of his S/O and is happy to help with achieving any goal. He truly believes you can do whatever you put your mind to. You could lean on Levi for help with anything. He’s not one to make fun of your dreams. He’d just give his best advice and help you get a move on.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Levi definitely prefers routine. He’s a simple man with simple pleasures, and his whole life has been quite unpredictable, so he really loves the simple things in your relationship. Loves your morning routine, your night routine, loves weekly date nights. Of course, he’d enjoy trying new things with his partner, but he legitimately can’t get enough of what other might see as “mundane” parts of a relationship, because he thought he’d never get to experience that.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Levi knows his S/O like the back of his hand. He wants to know everything about them but is also respectful if it takes time for you to open up. He can be empathetic, but it takes time for him to get there tbh. He would be uncomfortable with blatant emotional conversations at first, just give him time. He just wants you to be comfortable with him at the end of the day and vice versa.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Levi’s S/O is so goddamn lucky tbh. He would never, ever take his partner for granted. He’s slow to get the hang of a serious relationship, that’s true, but he’s always trying his hardest to make the relationship be as good as it is. The best part is that Levi doesn’t lose himself in a relationship, however. He values his partner and prioritizes them, but you’d never catch yourself in a codependent relationship with this man. He wants you to be your own person and he wants that for himself, too. You’re one of his most important relationships, if not the most important one, but he understands that you are your own person and he is his own person.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Levi wears a ring with your initials carved on the inside.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

In public, again, not the most blatantly affectionate. In private, he’s more into it. He loves having his arms around you or vice versa. He just likes having the warmth of his partner there, doesn’t need to be something very sexual or very physical.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Levi would be more irritable if he’s without his S/O for some time imo. Have a week long trip you have to go on? He misses you more and more with each passing day, and he gets bitchier with each passing day. He does take it out on everyone else (poor fellas). If he’s not pissy, he’s otherwise quiet and just focuses on his own stuff until he sees you again.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Levi is extremely protective of his S/O and would literally put his life on the line for them. He’s kind of dramatic in that way, but he would rather suffer in your place any day. He would do anything for his partner.

[literaphobe]

hi! i’d like to set some boundaries. as some of you might know, i’ve recently started streaming on twitch. if you weren’t aware, i plan to be a faceless streamer. meaning. i don’t want my followers knowing what i look like

i am well aware that i have selfies on here. and that i’ve shared a lot of private information on here. and that in the beginning, this tumblr was the means through which i promoted my twitch, and it was just something fun to do w my followers on here. that has now changed, because i realized i like streaming on twitch,, to stream on twitch. meaning random strangers on twitch find me through the algorithm, under game sections of which i play, and they know Nothing about this tumblr

so that creates this problem where some of you who are more regular viewers know about my tumblr and everything i discuss on here, whereas some other viewers from twitch (some of which are also regular viewers that are nice to me for the most part) don’t know anything

and it is. admittedly. scary. when u guys discuss very specific things about my blog, or reference my username (i have the word scrawnycatra blocked in chat because of this. i probably should’ve made this post sooner, and set these boundaries faster, so if you didn’t know any of this, i don’t blame you), or tell people that i have SELFIES on my blog that other people in chat immediately get curious about.

so here’s uh. the basics of what i don’t want. 1) my sexuality outed against my will. literally if ur in chat please don’t tell other people in chat that i’m gay/bi/a lesbian or something. i wish to keep my sexuality private on my twitch. i don’t think i need to explain why 2) do NOT share my blog with anyone in chat, do NOT tell them where they can find pictures of my face. if this persists i’ll actually have to wipe all pictures of me from this site which will be very. annoying. so please

it’s. taking me a lot of courage and thinking to even say any of this. there’s a lot of “rules” i’m uncertain about implementing, because i don’t want my streams to be unfun for you guys, i don’t wanna force you guys to stop talking about things you wanna talk about. most of all i’m scared some of you will leave and stop watching and i REALLY don’t want that but if i don’t get things off my chest they’ll only get worse

so like. there’s a pattern that’s been emerging. i don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong about talking about any tv show or piece of media in my chat. but the thing is when you guys talk about she-ra it leads to long drawn specific discussions that confuse other people in chat who are usually only talking about what’s happening on the stream or in the game that i’m playing. and they sometimes ask questions because they’re confused and in the whole process of this a few things tend to happen: 1) one of u outs me 2) one of you starts talking about my blog and the things that happen on it 3) the discussion takes over the chat n other people who were talking get confused and they stop talking

and like. when i really think about it i think i’m allowed to feel like...... strange. because. it’s like. i know none of you mean to do this and i don’t mean to make any of you feel bad because you really don’t have to. feel bad. but. it’s like how other streamers get upset when chat starts spamming about other ccs u know? basically, it hurts both the streamer and the chat flow if people start spamming about something unrelated to the stream. it doesn’t mean you HAVE to talk about things 100% related to the stream all the time, but like i said, it’s become a common thing for chat to get derailed by something that could very easily lead to things revealed about me that i don’t want to reveal, and also it alienates other people in chat who actually have stuff to say about my stream. and idk if it’s helpful to chat or hurting chat. i know you guys like talking about the things u wanna talk about. this thing being she-ra. but lets keep it here for the most part please!

uh.... that’s all i guess. kind of nervous to post this but I want to be honest with you guys about my needs. i hope to see u all in future streams where we can all have fun :) thank you for all the support you’ve given me so far. not to be a girl with dreams but i actually would love to make streaming a substantial part of my life :)

[reinerispretty]

beneath the moon. (sokka x f!reader) pt7

hi and welcome to another chapter!!! thank u very much for reading :D i hope u enjoyed the last one as much as i did!! this chapter is a little shorter than the rest, but i had to get through it to be able to get to the good stuff :) 

pt1

pt6

pt8

During the night, when the moon was high, she quietly made her way to Yue’s room to look through it. She took only three things: Yue’s fluffiest purple coat, the portrait (Y/N) had given to her on her birthday, and the small wooden fish that Sokka had carved for her.

(Y/N) rocked back and forth on her feet with the motion of the waves. She had been on many boats before, but none so far out at sea. The air was crisp and salty and the sea spray that splashed up made her face feel sticky. This could be another kind of life that she would enjoy, she thought. There was something about the ocean that seemed so freeing to her. She wondered if all waterbenders felt that way.

She watched as they floated past massive icebergs three times as tall as their ship. She had learned once that icebergs were even bigger on the underside, like massive mountains, but she didn’t exactly want to find out for herself.

After Hahn’s visit to the palace, more suitors started lining up outside of the heavy wooden doors. She figured that they thought with Hahn out of the way, they might actually have a shot at getting within the Chief’s good graces. She had refused each and every one of them and provided no explanation why. Some accepted defeat gracefully, while others tried their best to argue with her. And despite living in the coldest place on earth, (Y/N) was extremely hotheaded. She shot back at their arguments with arguments of her own, daring each man that fought to challenge her to an actual duel. This had caused rumors to float around the city about her.

In her healing lessons, she heard girls whispering about how cold-hearted the princess must be to turn down so many sweet boys. The servants talked about her when she wasn’t near and wondered how a sweet girl like Yue could ever have such a disagreeable sister as (Y/N). The idea of staying in a tribe that would never fully accept her struck fear into every inch of her body. It was in everyone’s best interest that she left.

So when Sokka had approached her after her healing lessons one day and informed her that she needed to pack because they would be leaving the very next morning, (Y/N) had not hesitated. She gathered a pack of all of her most important items, like clothes, shoes, brushes, and money. She had thought about packing her paint supplies, but she figured they would be too heavy to carry from city to city. She wrapped them gently in a cloth scarf and slid them underneath her bed. Maybe one day she would visit her parents and be able to take them with her.

During the night, when the moon was high, she quietly made her way to Yue’s room to look through it. She took only three things: Yue’s fluffiest purple coat, the portrait (Y/N) had given to her on her birthday, and the small wooden fish that Sokka had carved for her. She had seen it many times, lying on Yue’s dresser, and figured that he might want it back. She had shoved each of these things deep into her pack so they wouldn’t fall out.

(Y/N) had spent the remainder of the night lying in wait for the sun to rise over the horizon. She only had a few moments to escape the palace before the servants awoke, so she had padded through the icy halls and made her way to her parents’ room. They both slept soundly as the sun barely filtered in through the windows. She kissed the both of them on their foreheads and left her goodbye note on their dresser. Then, as quietly as she could, she had crawled out of the lowest windows of the palace and fell on her back into the snow. She had held in her groan of pain and instead ran directly for the docks to wait for the others.

Now, she stood on Master Pakku’s ship as it headed for the Southern Water Tribe. Aang prepared Appa for their impending flight, while both Sokka and Katara gave Pakku a list of things to share with their grandmother. (Y/N) leaned over the edge of the railing and watched the waves as they crashed against the boat. She waterbended a small sliver of ocean water up so that it could just barely touch her fingers and smiled at its coolness.

��Are you ready?” Katara asked as she appeared at her side. (Y/N) nodded and picked up her bag from the ground. She gave Master Pakku a curt nod.

“Wait, Princess,” He called to her. She turned to face him.

“It’s just (Y/N) now.” Pakku nodded.

“Your father told me to give you this.” He placed a light blue velvet bag in her hands. When she opened it, she found more gold, silver, and copper pieces than she had ever seen in her lifetime. (Y/N) looked up at Pakku, her eyes wide with shock.

“He knew I’d be leaving?”

“I think he always knew you would leave, one day,” Pakku said with a small smile. (Y/N) swallowed and slipped the bag into her pocket.

“Thank you,” she said. She walked over to her friends, where Katara helped her onto Appa’s saddle. As soon as everyone was seated, Aang shouted, “Yip yip,” and Appa soared into the air. (Y/N) watched as the only place she had ever known shrunk further and further into the horizon. For the first time since her sister had died, she felt happy.

---

There were a lot of things she had never done, and setting up tents to sleep on the cool, hard ground was near the top of that list. But she had been asked by Katara to set up their tents and she wasn’t going to refuse! She was part of a team now, so she had to do her fair share of the work. How hard could setting up tents be?

As it turned out, very hard. Just as she had set up one tent and moved onto the next, the first tent would collapse behind her. After an hour, she thought she had successfully set up four tents, only to watch them crumble to the ground. (Y/N) felt like she could nearly tear her hair out from frustration. 

How could she be a part of this team if she couldn’t even put up a tent? She felt absolutely useless. Maybe coming with the Avatar and his friends hadn’t been a good idea after all. She wasn’t properly equipped for life outside of the North Pole, and it was so hot! She had never felt heat like this before and it was nearly unbearable! She wasn’t sure how Sokka and Katara put up with it!

Aang walked over and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Here, let me help!” 

(Y/N) gave him a small smile of gratefulness as he showed her how to set up the tents. “It was tricky at first for me, too,” Aang reassured her as he dug the poles into the ground. “But it’s all about making sure you have a good foundation. Here, try on that one.” 

(Y/N) walked over to the other tent and tried her best to replicate Aang’s movement. The pole successfully went into the ground, and she smiled up at Aang. “Thank you!” She said excitedly. 

“No problem! We can split the rest of the work.” The two swiftly set up the tents and (Y/N) clasped her hands together, smiling proudly at the tents. It was a small and ridiculous thing to be proud of, but she had never accomplished anything like this at home. 

She helped Katara catch fish for dinner by waterbending them from the river and into the basket. (Y/N) watched intensely as Katara cooked stew for them. She had always had servants in the palace to make her food for her, so she was intrigued at the mix of herbs and spices Katara was putting into her concoction. By the time it had finished cooking, it smelled lovely, and (Y/N’s) stomach rumbled from starvation.

She devoured her dinner as they sat around the campfire and discussed their plans for tomorrow. “We’re heading to the Earth Kingdom,” Sokka explained. “There, we’ll be escorted to King Bumi, who will teach Aang earthbending.” 

“You’re going to love Bumi,” Aang said to (Y/N). 

“I’m not so sure,” Katara interjected. “Bumi is...a lot.” 

“He encased Katara and I into rocks the last time we saw him.” Sokka scooped a spoonful of stew into his mouth. (Y/N’s) eyes widened in shock and she looked frantically at Aang. 

“It was rock candy,” Aang said, as if that made the situation any better. (Y/N) looked back down at her stew. 

“Maybe I regret coming with you guys just a little bit,” She said, and while she wasn’t necessarily trying to be funny, the rest of her team laughed. 

---

Tag List!

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[justsomefluff]

hello!! i found your blog not so long ago and i already love it so much, i was wondering if (if your request are open) you could do an ateez reaction to their s/o crying/pouting because they(atz) got jealous and they were ignoring their s/o (almost like the hwa reaction to you dancing w/ another member) 🥺 i love your blog so much.. hope your staying safe!!! 🤍

Okay, my sweet anon, this ended up being shorter than I originally wrote it bc it got deleted last time but I think I hit all the important stuff anyway! Also, I appreciate the positivity and I hope you are staying safe as well! <3

Summary: Ateez gets jealous of your conversation with another member. During a group dinner. Since they are feeling neglected, they decide to give you a taste of your own medicine.

Hongjoong:

Okay so Hongjoong is totally calm about his bitterness

Like he’s definitely staring daggers at whichever member you’re talking to

But other than throwing a dirty glance in their direction every once in a while

No one will even be able to notice that he’s remotely upset about anything

I think that he’s probably used to covering his emotions well since he’s the leader and he feels like he needs to be the most mature and stuff

That can lead him to being kind of reserved about his emotions though and that might bug some people

And so when you finally start giving him some attention

He’s gonna turn away from you and just flat out pretend he cant hear you

But when you finally get home at the end of the night and you’re sulking because he hasn’t said a word to you since before dinner

He starts to feel hella guilty

Like he never wants to hurt you but his jealousy really just took control of him that night for some reason

And if you’re making big, sad eyes at him and following him like a puppy as he does his nightly routine…

He’s done for

But I feel like once you actually start having a conversation, he’s very good at keeping it from turning into an argument

Good at “I feel” statements you know?

But both of you recover from this rather quickly and just make it up to each other by snuggling for the rest of the night

Seonghwa:

So Seonghwa is the type to act normal enough that the guys won’t notice that anything is wrong

But you know him well enough to know that he’s being kind of cold to you for some reason

And if you notice he’s being super low-key rude to another member then you can kind of connect the dots and understand why he’s upset

He will never let any of the guys see his anger though

Mostly because he’s the oldest and he feels that responsibility to them to only show them his good side if he can help it

So he will talk to you, but only like one word at a time

And he’ll brush you off if you touch him

But he will disguise it by reaching for food or something

He’s good at this okay

But if you just keep staring at him and the guys notice enough to ask you what’s wrong, then he’ll tell you to fake it til you get home

And you do because you don’t want to upset him more yk

And when you get home though, you’re almost in tears bc hiding it like that was so exhausting and painful

When he sees you starting to break a little, then he’s hugging you

Like .5 seconds to cross the room to get to you okay

Drama Mama Hwa to Protective Boyfriend Hwa that quick

He’ll explain why he was upset and you’ll explain your side as well

And once you’re finished, you’re both calm and forgiving about it

Even if you don’t fully understand each others point of view, you get it enough to let it go

Then you both just pass out together bc emotions are tiring

But you definitely wake up with smiles on your faces the next morning

Yunho:

(this is how he sulks at you okay its adorable, i just wanna give him the world)

this jealous baby

Like did you guys see that video of him and Wooyoung eating cheese tteokbokki like San was just tryna help no need to get your boxers in a bunch sweetie

But anyways, I digress

If he’s jealous, he’s gonna let you know straight out the gate

Like he’ll literally tap you on the shoulder and then act like he did nothing

And at first you’re like aw cute he’s being playful

But really he just wants you to know he’s ignoring you on purpose

Like how dare you not notice that Im ignoring you purposefully… He’s not gonna put in all this effort just for you to not notice okay

And when your brain finally connects those dots its like ugh

But Yunho is easy to break okay

Like the second you pay him even a lick of attention he’s so happy

Its just really hard for him to stay upset

But dammit he’s gonna try his best to keep it up until he thinks you have both neglected each other for an equal amount of time

But both of you are kinda clingy

So even if you both know this won’t last for very long, you still get kinda sad about it

And the second your lip juts out and you’re pouting

He’s smooshing your cheeks and just going “aigooooooo” and babying you and stuff

All the other members are disgusted but they’re just jealous okay I said what I said

Yeosang:

(Kang Yeosang character summary: will ignore you for chicken)

Okay I don’t think Yeosang is the type to ignore you on purpose

He just gets really in his head when he’s jealous and gets quiet

And I feel like we see more of Yeosang’s quiet side rather than his expressive side

So maybe he’s shyer about emotions? Idk this is all speculation anyway

So if he’s in his head, he’s definitely not trying to hurt you or anything

He’s just thinking about everything and feeling neglected and insecure

Poor baby

Like he’s only gonna notice that you’re sad about him ignoring you once youre alone

Bc nothing else can distract him from you aw

And if you’re even the slightest bit teary, all of his insecurities fly out the window

Like all his focus will be on making you feel better

And when you say that you’re upset bc he was ignoring you

He’ll literally be like… you were ignoring me tho???

Also he strikes me as the type to laugh in serious situations so he will deadass burst out laughing 

Like full on cackling

You’re half crying and just staring at him like ??? Wtf???

And he’s like WE IGNORED EACH OTHER HAHAHA

What the hell’s so funny about that you absolute crackhead

But then youre laughing too bc you realize that this entire situation is kind of ridiculous anyway

And both of you get over just like that, and spend the rest of the night giving each other all the love and affection you have to spare

San:

Okay San’s type of jealousy is more aggressive I think

Like not that he’s aggressive towards anyone about, just it impacts him way more than anyone else

So it can really take a toll on your relationship sometimes

But I do feel like, if he’s gonna ignore you, it’s only gonna be while you’re in front of the members

But as soon as you get home, all the emotions are gonna come out at once

Like as soon as you step through the door, word vomit all over the place

And if you’re eyes are glossy too then both of you are gonna end up crying

And neither of you are really sure why you’re crying, you’re just soft babies okay

But I do think that San is more accusatory in these situations

Like a lot of “you did this” instead of “this is how I feel”

So it can start arguments sometimes

This time though, you’re both just emo and soft

Since you’re both a little bit weepy, you’re both just apologizing profusely 

but neither of you really know why you’re sorry

You just are

And no formal resolution is reached because you both fall asleep all cozied up to each other with tears drying on both of your faces

And you wake up in the morning, kind of giggling at each other

All the negativity got washed out of your systems anyway :)

Mingi:

this BABY

he’s jealous but if he ignores you omg

its so hard for him to do

god like he's not even good at it

like he’s ignoring you but still holding your hand??

like how does that work

but anyway, even if you're pouting at him and stuff

he will be the one who ends up crying

like “why did you ignore meee”

and you're like... I didn't even realize I was??

so you decide to tell him what you and the members were talking about

and then all of a sudden, he’s distracted

like “ooh that interesting”

tell me more

or if it was a debate he’ll pick a side and have a full discussion with you

or if he agrees with you, he will playfully diss the other members for being wrong lmao

basically, just distract him and everything will be all set

just don't make a habit of ignoring him bc then he will really feel unloved and no one is allowed to hurt my Minnie

Wooyoung: 

So, Wooyoung is more exaggerated with the way he expresses his emotions

And we all know that I mean we’ve seen it

So when he gets jealous, he feels it in his chest

Then those emotions bubble up and come out in the form of hysterics

So he goes extra crazy for a little bit

Like not showing anger or anything, just being excessively crackheadish

And obviously not giving any of that attention to you

You notice it immediately

Like if he’s super excited, he always gives you most of his attention bc he really wants to share that happiness with you

But if he’s ignoring you, its really obvious

And you really feel the hurt bc its like… he never acts like this normally

So once you get home you’ve pretty much had it

Like your eyes are welling up and he’s just kind of looks at you like “oh nooooooo, I done messed up”

And he’s holding you and apologizing and being sweet and explaining why he did it

Literally swears up and down he will never do it again

Bc when he feels guilty it’s overwhelming for him too

Especially when it comes to you

So you end up snuggling each other the whole night to make up for the time you lost ignoring each other

Jongho:

Jongho is definitely more reserved about his emotions and we see that a lot

I feel like its probably because he’s the youngest and he doesn’t want his hyungs to think he’s immature or incapable of handling his emotions

So he is gonna try to maintain that tough facade in front of his members at all costs

And they won’t really notice if you guys are having problems bc I feel like he tends to keep things about your relationship more private in front of them anyway

So if he’s ignoring you, the other guys will just assume that he’s trying to keep being tough

No one is allowed to see Jongho soft okay

But you will be seeing him turn soft the second he notices that you’re hurting

If he notices that you’re upset when you’re with the guys, he will take you home early

The second you’re alone, protective and soft Jongho combine to form that side of him the guys arent allowed to see

He hates that he’s the reason you’re feeling hurt

Will try literally anything to make you feel better

He is not gonna stop touching you and holding you and babying you all night

Has to be in contact with you in some way or he’ll cry

But either way he’s gonna be the best boyfriend to make up with

Bc he behaves this way after every conflict you have

Forever a sweetheart

[danideservedbetter]

Alright so, here’s how things are gonna work.

First off, welcome to this side blog. Since it won’t be jolly fun fandom content and will be a little more personal I decided to separate my health and writing journey from my fandom stuff, although all my fandom content will still be linked on my main blog here.

(I write Izuocha/bnha content which isn’t super popular so if you’re not here for that then yeah, I don’t blame you. But if you are I have a link to our discord and community content pinned so def check it out if you’re interested.)

Secondly, you guys will hear details about stuff relating to my health like what kinds of things affect my disorder based on the tests some doctors are ordering, how I’m trying to improve my diet and activity, and routines and goals I’m attempting for myself. I am underweight, and that’s something I’m going to be talking a bit about, so if that’s triggering following this blog might not be the best thing for you. Details under the cut.

So, what kind of disorder do I have and why did I decide to make a health journey blog? My disorder is called idiopathic hypersomnia. Basically what that means is that when my disorder is acting up (based on factors like stress especially or my generalized anxiety rearing its ugly head) I have the capacity to sleep. And sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep. My longest recorded uninterrupted “sleep-attack” was 26 hours long and ever since I caught Covid in January, my body had been slowly growing weaker to the point I was starting to develop atrophy. I’ve had this ten years and my neurologist suspects inactive cells from mononucleosis I caught at 14 was the cause, because other IH patients have linked their sleeping problems to a case of mono or have had it at some point in their lives.

This disease stole many years and many things I’ve looked forward to from me. I lost friends and experiences and failed so many college classes I had to drop out.

I’ve decided I’m taking them back.

It’s not going to be easy. Just as it took ten years to convince myself that my tiredness was something I chose to give into, it took several extra years and many fights with my family to convince them that I had a real actual neurological disorder and that I need help sometimes. My parents and grandmother finally understand that I have to finish college and find a very special boss willing to work around my erratic progress on projects, but the outsiders they married are not as convinced. My grandmother’s husband kicked me out of their house because he wants to be the center of attention and doesn’t like that some days I’m so weak that I needed my grandmother’s help, and my father’s wife thinks I’m a lazy and ungrateful leech who “gets anxiety just being around” me. Both told my father I’ll never be happy so why even bother with me, but my dad is actually striving to understand his own recently-diagnosed PTSD so while we still butt heads he’s understanding that I have to take things day by day because every tiny circumstance affects my disorder.

Now, why did I decide to air all this out? Well, being open about my disorder and how it affects me has helped at least two people that I know of find out that the tiredness they experience isn’t the typical “American work force exhaustion” they were trained to believe is normal. So if I can help even one more, I’ll gladly talk about what this entails and how I deal with it day to day. Another reason is that I’m also one of those big advocates who believes talking candidly about mental health destigmatizes it and sharing ideas can help us grow as people and maybe make it a little easier to deal with.

So now that you know a little bit about me and my disorder, here are my big goals for the next three months provided my university takes pity on me and actually lets me go back.

First up: create routines to train my body to get used to living a full day fully awake. This includes waking up at the same time and going to sleep at the same time. It means getting dressed and going out and doing things, even little things— which I’ll get to in a sec.

Second: I write. I have a novel in limbo and I write fanfics. Writing is a big part of who I am and I’ve written one thing this year, which for a whole six-month stretch is upsetting and disappointing. Today is my reset. In the next 569 days I want to to finish the six stories I have in limbo (except the larger one) and finally reach my goal of posting 200k words in a single year. I wont be hard on myself if I can’t accomplish this because honestly finishing anything in the chaos of my life is going to be a miracle but. There ya go.

Third: go back to freakin college. I don’t care what it takes. Sit down with every official, every lawyer, and every professor it takes to get me back enrolled in classes in the fall.

Fourth: I have several smaller things I have to do, short term goals, stuff like that. I’m gonna create a to do list each day of small tasks I want to get done and while some of these things will be part of my daily routine I am throwing in like one or two things a day that just need to be done. My writing goal will change daily and I’ll keep y’all updated on that with every post I make.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Dani! That’s so much!! Well, a few months ago I remembered hey!! I basically have a computer in my hand, why make it hard on myself. So I downloaded certain apps to help me out. This isn’t me saying “hey go subscribe to these apps because I said so” it’s just that through a lot of trial and error I’ve come to find that these certain apps work for me and I’ve yet to come across one that has the functionality of everything I need.

Tiimo — so this is an app I found developed by people with autism for people with autism to help them develop good habits and routines. It has preset daily schedules (things like morning routines or nightly routines or work routines) and an internal alarm to let you know when to move on to the next task. I myself have extremely low-level aspergers (to the point where my doctor won’t give me an official diagnosis because I didn’t want people think that *it’s* the reason I have issues with school), so moving from task to task can be difficult sometimes and I also deal with getting distracted. This widget also appears on my home screen so I know what I have to do at a glance. You can program in weekly and daily tasks to fully customize your schedule, which is fantastic for someone like me who wants to for example rotate chores. This is hopefully going to help me get my body in the habit of adjusting to routines and transitioning from one task to another, as well as getting important things done responsibly.

Promptly Journals — I’ve been told for a while that journaling is helpful mentally to kind of recenter yourself, so a bit ago I downloaded several journal apps to add to my morning routine. Now some will prefer more creatively free journals, but I prefer this one that gives me small prompts I can do in a short amount of time that just allows me to get my thoughts down. I can even add pictures at the bottom that go with the theme! I’m scared I’ll run out of prompts eventually lol but until then this app works very well for my needs.

Stretchingexercise — Now idk if it’s from lack of sleep from my disorder, the position I sleep in when I do sleep, all the physical labor I’ve had to do in the past couple weeks, my medicine, or w h a t but I suffer from body aches like no one would believe. I know stretching is supposed to help with that, so I downloaded this app to help me do non-demanding physical activity that wakes me up in the mornings and helps relieve pain so I don’t keep having to take pain relievers. This one has different plans for things like muscle tension, back pain, warm ups— and it also gives you rudimentary weight updates (I’m underweight lololol so we’re looking to fix that) or plan updates. It’s worked really well for me so far and gives you animations and descriptions of the workouts (some taken from yoga) as well as timed breaks and a narrated guide. It’s been pretty helpful in temporary relief and if nothing else gets my blood flowing in the mornings.

Widgetsmith Step counter — in addition to the stretching thing one thing my doctor and I discussed that helps with the sedentary lifestyle is simply walking. I’ve needed so bad to relieve my stamina and reverse the atrophy, and walks have been stellar for that. Now I live in the New Orleans area so humidity and heat force me to go at the crack of Dawn, but honestly my weenie dachshund Charlie really enjoys our time out so he goes with me! The CDC recommends 10,000 steps a day which seems like a lot and it is if you don’t get out much. But this gives me an excuse to get dressed and do the hygienic thing and help Charlie be healthy too, as well as give me time for brainstorming because we walk in a truly beautiful area. I’m sure everyone installed widgetsmith with the last iOS update (Apple users anyway) and while at first the step counter was just interesting I’ve since come to rely on it! We do our 5000 in the morning, which of course is half, and I find that other things I do throughout the day typically drive the counter higher. Anything leftover can easily be accomplished by an evening walk in our neighborhood. Now the caveat is that I have to remote have my phone in my pocket because I don’t own a watch or anything fancy lol, but honestly I need to keep it on me anyway so that serves as a good reminder.

Todoist — this one is my FAVORITE. Ever since I’ve decided that I have trouble keeping track of things I need to do and small stuff I need to keep in mind and appointments, etc, I decided to find a list app. This is the one I found that absolutely helps me for everything from my list of room supplies I need to buy, to my reading list, to general tasks I have coming up I need to complete. And its widget functionality keeps it right on my Home Screen! More organized individuals can just use tiimo, but I’m definitely not one of those individuals so this app is sorely needed and appreciated.

And of course, I know building habits the first few weeks is HARD. So for days my body doesn’t respond to my alarms, I have a checklist of the key things I have to do to keep my life as functional as possible.

So that’s that on that. I’m going to try to keep writing updates and my daily goals in a post in the morning, and reblog what I accomplished in the evening. It’s gonna be tough. But I’m thinking if I can start small I’ll be able to build my stamina enough to return to college and be successful when I do. I hope that anyone watching this journey draws some kind of meaning or inspiration from it. And you guys can even follow along if y’all want! Especially for writers or people trying to get healthier. I can’t promise what works for me will work for you (and honestly I expect things to change especially if I get accepted into college again) but hey, I figure it’s worth a shot.

I hope you guys enjoy watching this journey, if nothing else I hope it’s entertaining. And maybe it’ll be successful. I do know that I’m just gonna try for it, and hope it works out.

First daily update to follow

Xoxo

Dani

[scripttorture]

What are the key things to avoid in writing torture so that it does not become torture apologia? I know that it clearly needs to show that torture is not getting real information, long term physical and mental effects for the victims, but what else? My goal is to write a story that is painfully realistic and offers none of the apologia that we see mainstream fiction.

I feel like this is sort of a case of ‘how long a list would you like?’ and I don’t personally feel like listing things is a very helpful approach.

 I cover the things I think are the most common tropes in this post over here.

 There are a lot of things that torture can’t do that most fiction (and a lot of people) assume it can. I think that part of tackling torture properly means tackling those preconceptions, a lot of which come from fiction.

 I’ll drop a couple of bullet points to give a general list of things that turn up a lot in fiction and don’t match the reality in ways that (my opinion) are harmful to the discussion generally.

 Assuming torture ‘works’ as an interrogation technique (it does not)

Assuming victims are unaffected

Assuming torturers and witnesses are unaffected

Conversely assuming that victims are so effected they can’t have a life after torture

Assuming torturers can change strongly held beliefs (doesn’t work, see Rejali)

Showing torture as skilled/complicated/scientific, it is actually laughably simple

Showing torturers as violent ‘because’ they’re mentally ill, the evidence suggests they are usually mentally healthy before they start torturing

Underestimating the damage done by some torture techniques (especially clean tortures)

Assuming resistance to torture is unusual (it’s actually common)

The idea that ‘good guys’ can never torture

Moral judgements on a survivor’s symptoms

Assuming torturers control what victims experience

Assuming torture has no effect on organisations

Assuming that torture doesn’t have huge knock on effects on investigations in particular

Thought experiments with no basis in reality ie the ‘ticking bomb’ scenario, ‘well I would talk if I was in pain’ etc.

Ignoring (or misunderstanding) the memory problems torture generally causes

Ranking the pain of victims (usually this means saying victims with obvious scars had it ‘worse’ then those without)

Fundamental misunderstandings about what ‘counts’ as torture.

 I could probably write an essay breaking down each of these bullet points individually.

 Generally? I think if you’re new to researching this stuff and haven’t read many of the books on the sources page then it’s important to question the knock on effects of what you’re writing.

 If prisoners are in ridiculous clothes is it possible they could be suffering from a temperature torture? If a prisoner is in a cell alone is it solitary confinement? If the food is bad is it to the extent that these people are on a starvation diet? (There have been cases of prisons over salting food and then rationing water.)

 Question your own assumptions about how painful something is. Look up how harmful things are (if you’re unsure where to do that use the blog or my sources as a starting point.)

 Remember that pain is a collection of sensations rather then a single one. We all have different degrees of tolerance for different sorts of pain. This makes the idea of a single ‘most painful’ thing nonsensical: it is at best the most painful thing for this particular individual.

 Remember that inflicting pain is not complex.

 Remember that torturers are human beings too. You don’t have to show them as ‘understandable’ or glorify them in order to avoid dehumanising them. I personally feel that painting them as monsters detracts from the issue: it shifts the focus from the systems that allow/encourage torture on to brutal individuals.

 Because torture is by definition systematic abuse: abuse by the organisations and groups that have power/authority over others.

 ‘Police brutality’ is torture. Teachers abusing students is torture. Consider the systems at work in your story.

 Beyond that though a lot of this does become a judgment call and I am open to the fact that people will draw the line in different places. Different survivors will draw the line in different places.

 Survivors are a very diverse group of people. They’re singers, soldiers, house wives, activists, lawyers, labourers, journalists, chefs and a thousand other things.

 I hope you don’t take this as discouragement but I don’t think there can ever be one story on torture. As with abuse there are dozens, hundreds of stories. And those stories may share some similarities but the differences, the diversity, is important too.

 Yes there’s pain. But pain is not the end point.

 Alleg describes arguing with his torturers because they called him ‘tu’ instead of ‘vous’ while he was being tortured. Fela marched his mother’s funeral procession past the military barracks almost as soon as he was released.

 What I’m trying to illustrate here is that survivors are people and they do get on with their lives.

 There is pain. There are lasting symptoms that make life more difficult. But this does not flatten people. There is still joy and anger and defiance and sorrow and every other normal human emotion.

 There will always be more then one story.

 And the positive side of that, for us, is that once you accept you can’t represent everyone at once there’s space for you to focus on telling this story. Instead of trying to tell all of them at once.

 The most important things are to be honest about what you’re writing and to read about the reality of whatever it is you write.

 As a simple grounding I’d suggest O’Mara’s Why Torture Doesn’t Work and Monroe’s A Darkling Plain.

 Monroe’s work is a selection of accounts from survivors of different traumatic events, including quite a few torture survivors. It shows the variety and diversity in survivors really well. O’Mara’s first and last chapters provide a good introduction to torture as a topic and his more detailed examinations of what torture does to the brain provide insight into victim experiences and the mechanics of why torture fails.

 Finally, be kind to yourself. Work within your limits, both for research and for writing.

 We are all learning. Including me. If you’re not happy with your first draft (or even your first story) that is OK. The next one will be better. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes.

 I hope that helps. :)

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Disclaimer

[one-abuse-survivor]

before i start, thank you so much for doing what you do;this blog has given me good advice countless times and i really have to thank you for that.

my issues with my parents are that they don't take me seriously. i can literally go up to them and say: "mom/dad, i think i might be autistic or have ADHD (both would be quite likely) can i get that checked out" and list a bunch of examples why i think that and they'll just be "nah, that can't be, you don't seem like that at all" as of i didn't break my mind over it researching it and talking to people who have it to see if we've had similar experiences just to get some kind of reference as to why i feel the way i feel and why i struggle so much with things that so many other people find so easy.

but then, in the following weeks and months (after talking w them) they just randomly point out things about me that kinda annoy them, like me talking out of turn a LOT or me not looking at people or me having trouble focusing if there isn't also music and a movie going at the same time or mom saying that i seem hyperactive to her because i'm always moving my legs or pacing around or rubbing my hands or drumming on the table with pens. things like that (plus a lot more) were the exact things i was telling them about and they just put it off like it's nothing but as soon as it affects and annoys them it's suddenly very real. at this point i'm struggling to talk to my parents about anything even remotely more serious than generic smalltalk and i'm having a hard time believing myself that my struggles are in fact real and i'm not just making them up.

and also on a less related note; the thing i hate most about my parents: if i'm wearing headphones and couldn't understand what a parent was yelling from somewhere else in the house then it's my fault. but if it's the exact same situation but i'm the one calling and they couldn't hear me, then it's obviously my fault too (i kinda get the first one but srsly how could i not wear headphones when they're constantly arguing with my brother in the room next to mine) (either way if one of the scenarios is clearly my fault, then the other shld be clearly their fault bc that's how logic works)

hhhh, this got quite long. i would love to hear your thoughts about this

a continuation from the other ask about my parents not taking me seriously even when i ask them for help with my hardest problems. that ask didn't really go in the direction i had planned but there is so much going on between my parents and me that i really need to talk to someone about

background: i'm around 15-16 rn and have a brother who's 18. primary school was academically very easy for me (lots and lots of great and even perfect grades) but my brother didn't have it as easy (lots and lots of mediocre and meh grades) so my parents really just kinda let me do my thing while they were constantly busy with my brother. so i got really independant and did all of my stuff on my own bc a) i always had done it that way and b) my parents were already busy and stressed. but after my brother got his first computer and got into video games his grades dropped and my parents started constantly arguing with him and taking away his computer and stuff like that so there was always a lot of tension (and i got to a point where i can't handle people yelling; that's what i was referring to with the headphone thingy at the end of the last ask) i don't know if i can go that far and say that my parents kinda neglected me and my emotional needs in favour of saving my brother grades but that's pretty much the way it feels.

i'm now a sophomore (school works a bit different here but i'm the equivalent of a highschool sophomore afaik, here it's just 10th grade) and starting from about mid 8th grade (end of 2018) i've been struggling a lot with self care and upkeep of my already minimal social circle and academic stuff (i'm at the academically highest level of school you could be at my age without skipping any years) and also mental health.

i got quite depressive and started isolating myself and casting away friends and my grades went down a lot, which really disappointed me because my great grades were kind of my trademark thing. but i didn't feel safe talking to my parents because of the huge distance that we built by me "never" needing their help with stuff.

in that time (almost a year ago, our anniversary is in twenty days or so) i got a girlfriend and i'm hella glad that i can talk to her about everything but i feel like i can't just go dump trauma and parent issues on her forever

about last november or so i was at a pretty low point and was suicidal and that's kind of when i snapped and went to my parents to talk so being cast away and having my issues invalidated really really hurt then and made me spiral even deeper and my gf was the only thing keeping me afloat.

i'm kind of a bit better now but i have rebuilt my view of my parents from "idk we never really interact" to "trying to interact or talk is not worth the energy" and needless to say i don't like them that much

oh and i forgot about all the times i got panic attacks and sensory overloads @ school because there are so many people there (1700 students + 200 teachers) and it's loud everywhere and of course asking my parents for what to do if suddenly everything is too bright and too loud and you can't move or talk because of it didn't get me anywhere (and since i didn't know what it was called or how to describe it properly, i didn't really find any Information online either

and just typing this makes me think of so many more things that they did that aren't okay things to do (a lot of gender identity stuff for example because i'm also neck-deep in that) . but writing this has also helped a lot right now. thank you for being there and listening.

and just in case i'm ever gonna pop back in to say something i'm gonna drop a name for easier identifying

sincerely - 🌌 milky way anon

Hi, nonnie! Thanks for the kind words, I'm really glad my blog has been of help ❤️

I'm sorry your parents are making it hard to believe your struggles are real :( you deserve to be taken seriously and to get access to all the help you might need. Just the fact your symptoms are there and you're noticing them and they're interfering with your daily life is enough to get them checked, regardless of if you need a diagnosis/meds/anything else. No one deserves to live wondering if their struggles are worth discussing with a doctor or professional.

And you're right: if one of those things was your fault, then the other should be theirs, logically. But I don't even think it's "your fault" you didn't hear them because you were wearing headphones, to be honest. I think it's just something that happens from time to time and that doesn't warrant getting mad over; I think it's the kind of thing that simply needs to be talked about so everyone in the household knows how to communicate with everyone else without getting frustrated. It's as easy as saying "hey, whenever I put on headphones I'll just text the family group chat to let you guys know I won't hear you. If you need anything in those moments, just text me instead". I do this with my girlfriend sometimes—if we're wearing headphones and we're in the same room, we simply pat each other when we need something and wait until the other takes off their headphones to talk. It really doesn't have to be an issue where anyone is to blame. You're allowed to take steps to feel safe and comfortable in your house without getting punished for it.

But, of course, this doesn't work if the people around you choose to prioritise "being right" and proving you're wrong over a peaceful and healthy cohabitation, which is what most toxic and abusive people do.

As for your second ask, I would say if it feels like your parents neglected you and your needs because they were always focusing on your brother, then it's okay to say that they did. The fact alone that those feelings are there makes you deserving of talking about it and wanting to heal from it; the cause of those feelings doesn't have to be something major, or sound deeply traumatising when you say it out loud, in order to "count". And people whose emotional needs were consistently met don't feel like they weren't.

I've already shared this video before, but if you want some resources on identifying and healing from emotional neglect, I really recommend watching it. Please bear in mind, though, that the video says it's important to not blame parents for emotionally neglecting you, but I don't think that's the message a lot of people need to hear and I think you should allow yourself to feel angry at your parents for not meeting your needs and causing you trauma. That's pretty much the only thing I'd criticise about the video.

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with your grades and mental health lately, nonnie. I had a quite similar experience when I was in high school—I used to always get great grades, but my mental health and trauma put a lot of strain on them (as well as on my social life; I lost a lot of friends in those years) and it was really distressing to see the only thing that made me "worthy" crumble between my fingers like that. I'm still trying to unlearn this idea that your grades define your worth, and it's been really hard.

I'm so sorry your parents weren't there for you when you hit that low 😔 I'm glad your girlfriend could help you stay afloat in that moment, but they absolutely should've been there for you all those times you reached out to them for help with your struggles, and the fact that they didn't is emotionally neglectful of them.

I'm glad you're in a better place now ❤️ I really hope you can find out all the information you need on gender identity and sensory overload and any other issues that might be affecting you. Know that you deserve for your parents to be there for you. You shouldn't have to face any of this on your own, or even with only the support of other people your age. You deserve for them to care. You deserve to have your symptoms checked out. You deserve adult guidance to find resources to help you better understand and manage your struggles.

Sending all my virtual support your way ❤️ and happy belated anniversary to you and your girlfriend!

[skepticalarrie]

What do you think ab this "discourse" that's been going around, started by this ex-larrie who "is trying to make amends"? They keep reposting these two masterposts that debunk bg, I don't have that much info but have blogs seen them before and have THEY been debunked (I'd love to know more) bc they're acting like it's never been seen before bc big blogs "manipulating" didn't share them. And the rainbow bears are apparently the sound guy ....

The answer to all of that drama it’s simply: I don’t care. I don’t care about what big larries, ex larries, antis etc etc are talking about it. I’m so sorry a few posts someone made is resulting to so much drama and how it brought so many problems. We should think about this kind of consequences before posting something and people flooding everyone’s inbox with this kind of shit are not really helping with the shitty behavior either. I don’t believe big larries “manipulate” things the way it’s being said. And even if they did, I 👏🏻 don’t 👏🏻 care 👏🏻 because it doesn’t concern me so I’m not bothered.

As I said earlier, we as human beings consider things that make sense to us and that are valid to point out, we try to understand something in a way that makes sense to us. Even when sometimes is subjective. And everyone does that, I think is very shitty saying stuff like that like larries are the only people doing it. And if that’s a problem and people are bothered by it that’s a problem with human beings trying to make sense of things altogether. If you all want to see all proofs of everything all the time and impartial opinions, I think you shouldn’t be on a larrie’s blog. Maybe you should look into the news or whatever because that’s their job to look impartial, not mine. My @ has *skeptical* in it because I’m not the kind of person who will assume things right away, it’s part of my personality to question things a lot so I thought ot was a funny joke. But I do have extremely strong opinions about things and they’re very much “partial”. I’m larrie. I put things on my blog that make sense to me, and everyone does that. I’m doing my part and I do my research trying to look into stuff before forming my own opinion about things. If people take everything big larries say out there as being 100% true, well that’s not my problem either.

Larries or ex-larries debunking stuff doesn’t mean anything to me, because larries are not an unit, antis are not an unit. We all have different opinions on a lot of stuff, and that’s the fun of it. To discuss things. Everyone on my dash have different opinions and that’s a fact, people can’t state “larries are x and they believe y, explain that” like we have control on other people’s opinions, like we all should be thinking the same. We only fit on the same “category” because we all believe H&L are together and that’s it, that’s why we’re larries, besides that everything else can differ. So I chose those two anons to politely ask you all to stop dragging that blog on my inbox.. I don’t care, I don’t follow them anymore. And to stop sending me drama about larries/other blogs. I’m not here to talk about larries, or what other people think about something.

[kuroosweakness]

Hi Lia! Hope you are doing well. I don't know if you are taking requests at the moment, but before I blabber out anything let me just tell you that your blog is one of my comfort blogs, like whenever I feel dejected (which is often), I just come to your Kuroo writings and get a fresh dose of serotonin, endorphins, oxytocin, dopamine, no matter how many times I re-read them.

Okay so here's the thing! It's kind of comfort/self-indulgent of sorts. So, like the scenario is that the reader is insecure that maybe they are too smart, studious/nerdy and independent for Kuroo. Like normally they are indifferent and doesn't even bother what is happening around, but at times they feel slightly sad when all the girls flock around Kuroo, to help them with studies or any other tasks. They know very well that some of them purposely come to him to see him and to spend time with him (Like he is so charismatic!!). But Kuroo being a sweet and helpful senior can never deny them. So reader has thoughts like "I wish I were dumb and stupid", which of course somehow Kuroo gets to know and consoles them. Like you know saying stuff like "I love your beautiful mind", "only you can find the stupid faults in my pickup lines", "genuinely laugh at my chemistry jokes", "you are my partner-in-crime" etc etc.

Feel free to shorten this request and add more characters if you feel like, as per your convenience but I am not over with my rant yet. I hope you won't mind, I just needed to vent out.

So basically the thing is I am a NERD and there are many reasons on why I love Kuroo but most importantly I feel like I could have mentally stimulating conversations with him since he is an officially recognized chem dork by the fandom. And um since I am passionate about chemistry along with every other subject under the sky (Nerd things, yeah!), so you know. But usually in most of the fics it is shown that the reader is not good at studies, and asks him for help and him being cheeky, and helping the reader out by tutoring them, like nothing wrong in that but at times I feel left out because I honestly don't need any help with my homework or any tutoring in study dates. I am at top of my work even though I procrastinate a lot. How about discussing cool stuff about the subjects that we study over such sessions? Another pathetic thing that I have observed is this disastrous pick up line used in Kuroo fics (I am sorry if you have ever mentioned it or liked it. I don't mean to hurt you) is that - "Are you a compound made up of Beryllium and Barium because you are a total BaBe"..... Like ughhhh give me a break! Beryllium and Barium have the same oxidation state of +2 , so they can't really combine to form a compound duhhh!!! Or maybe I don't know, probably Kuroo won't like a smart or studious s/o?

Anyways, I am sorry if I wasted your time and thank you if you read all of it. Sending you loads of love and take no stress. You have the complete liberty to not write this request and if you choose to write this then thank you so much <3 <3

omg hi there! i get where you're coming from!! and to answer your question, he'd most definitely love having a nerdy s/o who'll geek out over things that stimulates his brain! to be able to have complex talks and arguments with you is one of his favorite past times :) he'll talk about the things that he wonders about to you and whenever he comes across a trick question/puzzle, he'll go to you like "can you figure this out? i've been stuck on it for ages!"

and if you figure it out easily, he'll be dumbfounded ahahha

i'm very very glad that this is a comfort blog for you :' in all honesty, it's a comfort blog for me too. it feels wonderful to be able to have a platform where i can share my thoughts and interact with others who have the same ideas

about the scenario, i'd be happy to write it! but firstly, do not ever wish you're dumb and dependent >:( whaaa the things i'd trade for your brain???

- your independence and intelligence are traits that kuroo looks up to. although you're already his s/o, your independence gives him chances to seek your attention and love, all while having the reassurance that you love him already. he can have fun teasing you and chasing after you for affection, all while knowing he'll get the love back!

i don't know if this is making sense lol but kuroo wouldn't fall behind or cling onto you, instead find his own ways to turn your independence into something he finds a lot of joy in. and also because he's quite independent and busy himself, he totally understands you!

and yes, there will most likely be a flock of girls (and guys 👀) lined up outside his door to spend time with him (kuroo and his charismatic charms that are too good for their own sake) he makes it quite clear that's he's already taken and has zero interest in them besides helping out! but also, getting other peoples' attention does feel good, so his schedule involves a lot of tutoring and helping others.

except it's not a pretty sight when you walk into the library where you're supposed to meet him, and see the close proximity between him and the girl he's "tutoring"

who said that he doesn't need your help?? help goes both ways!! kuroo would go to you and seek your help and attention :) and also because he likes to have an excuse to spend time with you, all while understanding the concepts he's been struggling with!

if you ever have those "i wish i was dumb and stupid" thoughts, (which 1. you should literally NEVER BE HAVING) then kuroo would likely notice *somehow*

idk it's like his 6th sense...to connect actions and facial expressions with thoughts. he'll teasingly tell you "if you didn't have that brain and personality of yours, who'll i go to for help? you're supposed to be my plan A here"

no but seriously, what'll he ever do without you? you're making him feel *negative feelings* when you have those thoughts!

and so the conversation will turn into him covering your face in small kisses. he'll hold the sides of your face and stare at the top of your head, saying something ridiculous like "i'd kiss your brain too if i could"

and of course, you'll nudge him and he'll laugh.

you're genuinely the only one he loves giving those pick-up lines and complex jokes, mostly because 1. he loves your laugh 2. you're the only one who understands! you two will have many, many inside jokes that no one else knows about, and he thinks that's special

also, less and less girls will start going to him for help after he keeps dropping those "yeah no problem...review on monday? sorry 'bout that, i'm hanging out with my s/o that day"

or "oh, it's okay to not understand this. i didn't know what was going on until my s/o taught it to me"

~~~

YES having mentally stimulating conversations with him!!!! deep talks!! not only would you be able to have deep and complex convos with him, but also light hearted ones about movie characters, songs...he's a very open-minded person and that's what i love about him :'

how. are. you. so. smart. and. on. top. of. things. gimme ur skills and motivations D:

although you don't need tutoring on study dates, kuroo would search up difficult problems that requires a lot of critical thinking and *poof* hopefully, you'll be stuck and he'll feel all proud for knowing something you don't (bonk him on the head for me)

but if you do figure it out, he'll be like o_o the whole rest of the study date

RIGHT !! BaBe does not work together lollll (omg i've never thought about their oxidation states :0) but it's still a cute joke in a way :)

but yeah, i don't like those scientific jokes very much either. they get old after a while D:

if kuroo ever drops that joke on you, tell him to do better and he'll laugh and walk away, later trying to think of a better and accurate one

wdym kuroo won't like a studious s/o ?!!!! OF COURSE HE WOULD

~~~

no time wasted here! :) i hope my insights and thoughts were good enough because i didn't really do much writing :'D again, kuroo would be head over heels for you. *sends a handful of love and me and my neighborhood stray cat that reminds me of kuroo* <33

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

There's something i need to get off my chest, dear followers (and random people & tech savvy cryptids that stumble upon this blog of wonders blindly).

So, I'm about to turn 35 which puts me in the oldest couple years of the notorious & dreaded millenial generation. We are a generation that has watched the rise of the internet & cellphone tech (we got dial up in on our family shared home computer when I was 12 & I got my first cell, a nokia brick, when I was 16 because I had a job & could pay for it). I was 16 when the attack on the twin towers happened. We are a generation that has just accepted that the generations before us ruined things just enough to leave us shafted when it comes to employment, wages, and housing while complaining that we aren't thanking them for giving us the opportunity to be alive. We've come to terms with the fact that it's just how it is. Those are the card we were dealt & we try to work with them to scrape by. Some do better than others, but most of us are & always have lived paycheck to paycheck with considerable debt, constantly terrified of a major unexpected event that could ruin us at any moment.

Some of us are the ones raising gen z (some of the gen xers are, too, but this isn't about them). I personally have a gen z kid, The Spawn, who turns 16 this weekend. Now, being the type of approachable, laid back, open parent I am has afforded me some privileges that other parents might not be so lucky to have. I am introduced to all the friends. They all add me on snap or Instagram, send me memes & funny stuff, and casually talk to me about their lives, problems, thoughts, & views. I'm included in the social circle as an honorary member & they gather at my house regularly & often spur of the moment.

I love this because it gives me an inside look at their thought process, values, attitudes, and code of ethics. I've gotta say, guys, they give me hope for the future. This group of young people is so fascinating, funny, and outright brilliant that I'm 100% sure they will do amazing things, big things, as adults.

Because they've had easy, fast internet access from the start & most have had it in the palm of their hand since middle school (11 yrs old) if not earlier, they've had constant access to all that it offers, including information. They are always up on current events, news, & issues society is facing. They feel very strongly about things.

This generation is kind, compassionate, empathetic, and has a strong sense of social justice. They won't bully someone having a panic attack or going through a depressive episode, chosing instead to go out of their way to try to help them through it. I can't tell you the number of times middle school aged The Spawn popped into my room when her phone curfew was approaching to ask for an extension because a friend was considering self harm & she wanted to keep talking to them to make sure they stayed safe. They help each other, even when they don't know each other well. (Obviously there are exceptions to this, and everything I've said/am saying here but this is my overall generalized view of these kids based on my experiences interacting/observing them at home, online, & in public.)

But they are also witty, funny, & surprisingly nihilistic. They are all convinced that the world as we know it, humanity, will end in their lifetime so... fuck it. If they feel someone is doing harm or has wronged society, they seek justice but in a way that amuses them. At least half of what these kids do is for their amusement. For the LOLs. The best example I can think of currently that is widely known is the incident recently where a bunch of teens got together & obtained thousands of tickets for a Trump rally in Oklahoma. They knew he wouldn't be able to resist bragging about the projected attendance numbers based on tickets given out/sold. They also knew he would be a laughingstock when a significantly smaller number of people turned up. So they said "Fuck it. This will be hilarious & he has ruined our country."

And they were right. He bragged about the 100k+ tickets distributed for the rally. A little over 6k people actually attended. It was shared across the internet.

Multiple groups of these kids in my area coordinated corona relief efforts, mask creation & donation, food & supply drives, peaceful marches for BLM (just as they did for gay rights prior to Texas' legalization of gay marriage). I overheard them on a group call talking about using their fresh driver's licenses to help people get out to polling stations to vote out here in November. The Spawn & her friends have discussed accessibility issues for those this disabilities multiple times.

The kids aren't content to do what my generation has done & just accept how things are & manage. They want change and they are already willing (& attempting) to do something about it before they've even reached adulthood because they are already so aware of the issues within our society & our government.

So, in summary, I have hope for the future because gen z is full of kind, compassionate, empathetic, socially conscious, driven, brilliant, tech savvy kids who dole out their own form of very entertaining justice and don't give a single fuck if they piss of the people they feel have wronged them, or their community as a whole.

I couldn't be more proud of them or more hopeful for the future.

[stimmy-fangs]

Oh hey, look who finally got around to start this blog... Hi guys!

Before we actually start, here's a few things about me:

- Zami

- She/her

- Autistic

- Linguistics student (uni takes away a lot of my time so I won't be super active all the time but I'll try)

-Local birds enthusiast. Birds are my special interest, pls feel free to share birbs with me

- If you bounce around in the furby fandom, you've probably seen me once or twice, I am Mod Cm! This is my personal art blog.

I am also the author of that furby and autism comic that went around a few blogs and keeps recieving notes to this day lol

- I have an awful ranidaephobia, so if you have a frog as your profile picture I'll most likely block you. Nothing against you I promise, I just can't stand frogs and all of their kind, sorry

- Always up to discuss about my ocs and answer questions! Don't be shy

Things I post about (these are subject to change due to my changing interests)

- My ocs

- My art (mostly original content)

- Furbies

- Vampires

- D&D stuff, mostly tieflings, especially mines

- Monsters and critters in general

- Flight rising (come and say hi! My account is Microfauna #415868)

- Autism related stuff. Sometimes I like to vent and discuss my feelings and thoughts in a somewhat positive way

- Birds, especially parrots

- Clown husbandry

No-Go(s)

- Don't even try to interact if you are misogynistic/ homotransphobic/ racist/ antisemitic/ any kind of discriminatory asshole and pretty much a piece of shit all around

- I don't like drama and don't condone bullying, if someone I reblogged from is acting funny let me know in private, no grandiose callout posts or messages please.

- Same thing goes for pretty much everything else, don't tag me in drama stuff, I am too old, sick and tired for those things

- Not interested in fandom discourse, actually not interested in fandoms in general

- While I am pretty friendly overall, don't use my pms for venting and stuff. I have my own fair share of problems to deal with and really don't need someone else's. If you want to chat, however feel free to contact me!

[queenlua]

The Good Game Critics TM (a giant post o’ links)

yesterday i was complaining:

damn, how come the only people who are writing The Good Video Game Criticism TM are exclusively relegated to… abandoned Blogspots and Tumblrs that haven’t been updated in five years…?

and someone asked:

addadashofpepper: can you like, post links to some of these? cause the thing about these is that they are really hard to find!

oh boy, tumblr user @addadashofpepper, i would be DELIGHTED to share.  i dug through my RSS reader / bookmarks, and here’s what leapt out at me:

[under a cut because this got LONG and i got EXCITED]

ella guro: indie dev and creator of Problem Attic, which made a splash back in the day (a somewhat Braid-inspired platformer iirc).  she’s mostly removed herself from the game scene these days, but she still blogs about artsy-culture issues from time to time, and if you dig through the archives, some of her old posts on games (probably circa 2012-2015?) are so so good

prophet goddess / blood church: i discovered them literally two days ago, but i’m digging what i see (their ladykiller in a bind review was the first post i stumbled on)

dead genre chronicles: a group of three friends did a monthly JRPG podcast, where they’d play a JRPG in its entirety and talk about it.  see, they found mainstream discussions around JRPGs annoyingly stilted, including the term JRPG itself—like, we’re still using the term “JRPG” to mean “turn-based combat with funky anime aesthetics,” but that airbrushes over so many weird and fun and distinctive mechanics that developers inside-and-outside of Japan have been experimenting with, right?

they had a blog attached to the podcast, and the blog was ALSO excellent

unfortunately, they took their main website down a while back :( however:

you can get some of the old blog posts by fiddling with the wayback machine

becky backed up a bunch of her contributions to the site (i particularly liked her ffxv post & this sort-of ffxiii post that punched me in the face in a good way)

leeroy, one of the other contributors, blags here, though i don’t think he backed up his stuff from the original site

the entirety of the podcast is archived on libsyn and is very good if you’re into podcasts!

no don’t die: okay, this blog/interview series is AMAZING.  and still active!!!  ahh!!!

the whole concept is, this dude finds people who work in games.  or used to work in games.  or who ran a weird fansite for video games back in the early 00′s.  or curate some video-game-shaped things as part of a museum exhibit.  and so on, and so forth.

the dude has a knack for finding really interesting people with all kinds of windows/perspectives on games, and manages to get them to talk about really interesting things.  two of my fave interviews: rebecca heinman, who ported Doom to 3DO in ten weeks on her own in utterly batshit conditions, and mustin, because i’ve got that overclocked remix nostalgia

my friend pokey: so, they’re on tumblr, they write in all lowercase, and their writing style tends to be on the dense and referential side, which ordinarily has all the warning signs of “all pretentiousness, no substance,” right?  (i am not exempt from this, by the way; look at me typing in all lowercase like a scrub.)  but, i’ve reliably gotten interesting insights out of their posts & have been surprised how often i mention their blog to a Friend Whose Aesthetic Tastes I Respect and they’re like “ah! i LOVE that blog!”  also i liked their notes on chrono cross at the end of this post because i literally want to talk about chrono cross every waking moment of my life, come talk to me about chrono cross friends, etc

em reed’s blog is excellent.  i really liked this post about what the phone/gacha game experience is like

auntie pixelante: anna anthropy’s old blog; still not sure why she didn’t archive it somewhere?  but whatever, the wayback machine has your back.  this early review of Gone Home is reasonably representative

tim rogers: i have kind of mixed opinions on him, but i do find something in his work compelling enough that i keep coming back to him, so.

the dude made his initial splash with his extremely long mgs2 review back in the day; there’s a slightly more recent archive too; he also does a lot of sadposting on medium that ranges from “guy in my MFA” to “fuck i can’t believe this dude’s making me feel feelings” in quality, ymmv.  (he also apparently does video reviews now? that are like many hours long? and i am just not the youtube generation so i tapped out on that one bud)

tevis thompson: another critic i have mixed feelings about, but if you’re the kind of dork that enjoys reading stuff that Made A Splash At The Time, and like, nerd subculture histories, you'll have to read his “on videogame reviews” for that reason alone.  i also really dug his 100-word video game reviews series

ludus novus: i haven’t read this dude’s blog in ages, but i liked it a lot when i read it in 2012ish and there’s TONS in the archives

emily short: an IF writer who goes way back.  i haven’t read her blog lately, but the archives / older posts definiely have cool thoughts on the structure of interactive fiction

jonas kyratzes: indie game dev, creator of The Sea Will Claim Everything.  he tends to blog about lefty politics and general arts stuff more frequently than he blogs about games, but he does blog games from time to time.  i liked [1] and [2], for starters.

adam cadre: this guy goes waaay back in the IF scene and has made a bunch of Inform stuff.  i’ve never actually played his games!  but i like his blog a lot (convenient tumblr mirror here).  he almost exclusively blags about books and movies and such these days, but if you dig you can find him talking about games sometimes.  (also, Masterchef Australia, which he loved so much he wrote over fifteen thousand words about it and it’s one of my favorite bizarre blog posts on the internet)

the fool reversed: this blog is focused on LARP game design & issues around that, but i’d say it’s relevant to anyone interested in game-y topics.  as a mostly-outsider to that scene, i thought this was a fun find!

annnd a few last ones:

i haven’t kept up with critical distance in ages, but it used to be a great way to find new game writers, and quite possibly still is, i dunno

while i’ve personally bounced off timber owls a few times, i know some folks who like their writing a lot

hope this helps!!!  happy digging through internet archives and such

[lavenderek]

i have a thought to express, feel free to scroll past.

i’m gonna discuss rape and sexual abuse in this post. it’s also long because i don’t really have a conclusion, it’s just some thoughts. 

so i was looking into that reality show that facilitated shane dawson’s horrible movie “not cool” and i stumbled across a reddit thread posted by someone who was a fan of his as a preteen. the OP alleged that shane’s content contributed to them developing some serious issues including body dysmorphia and the normalization of sexual behavior involving children. 

some of the comments were in support and agreement, but a large amount of them were like, “where were your parents? it’s not shane’s job to police what you see online. it’s not his fault you were too young for his content.” 

now, shane was well aware from the jump that his fans were mostly kids and teens - he talked about it multiple times - but that’s not what this post is about. this post is about that particular argument, which does not sit well with me.

it reminded me of a couple years ago when i made a very critical post about c*ptive prince. 

pause: i want to make it crystal clear that i am not drawing a comparison between people who like cp and shane dawson. i’m not mad anymore, so i am not making this post making a value judgment on cp or fans of it, positive or negative. 

specifically, i was really bothered by the way cp content was posted and shared with no mention of or reference to the actual material. people were calling it a queer romance. it was a little-known series by a little-known author, so there were no synopses anywhere online, only the summary you’d see on the back of the book. so people would seek out cp thinking it was a romance and be blindsided by the fact that, spoilers, the story is set in a fantasy world where child rape is a major tenet of society. the scenes are explicit, detailed, and many. it’s not a thing that happens once or twice and is a major plot point, it’s a thing that happens multiple times in every chapter and is just kind of a thing that’s going on. if you’ve ever read twilight, i would compare the presence of rape in cp to the presence of rain in twilight.

like, that’s how often it happened, that’s how it was treated. sometimes with indifference, sometimes with a negative opinion, sometimes it caused problems, bella talks about it every two pages. it is a very rapey series. 

and people like, did not want to discuss this. they were like, “the characters decide the rape is bad in the end. and that’s not even what the story is about, it just happens in the story. i don’t know what to tell you.” like... people were not receptive to any kind of conversation about this topic lmfao, it was very touchy. they wanted to acknowledge that rape itself is bad, and then they wanted the subject closed. 

now, why is this a problem? i read the books. there were parts i enjoyed, and there were parts i didn’t enjoy. i’m not gonna reread them, but i’m still game to talk about it. ultimately i wanted to be able to talk about books with a friend of mine, and while i was like, “yikes, this is a lot of rape, was not expecting the volume of rape,” it didn’t occur to me this would be a pervasive issue at all until a different friend of mine happened upon it. this other friend was a rape survivor, and i happened to know she would find this content very upsetting. when she said she was thinking of buying the book, i was like, “halt, you know what happens in it, right?” 

nope! she didn’t. she saw cute fanart and a ficlet on her dash, somebody told her it was a queer romance. nowhere was there any indicator in summaries online or the posts she was seeing that the book would describe a person being drugged and sexually abused. she was pretty relieved that i’d warned her and shaken that that’s what happens in the books lmao. she would never have guessed. the cp fandom was made up of people who loved the main pairing, and they’d talk about them being in love and draw them being in love, and it felt like everybody was just acting like the rape wasn’t even present in the books lmao. 

pause: i didn’t go in the tags. this is not representative of the fandom as a whole. this is just my and my friend’s experience of it as passive internetgoers.

people got uncomfortable and a little defensive if i brought it up. they’d agree to tag for cp, but if you don’t know what cp is about, that isn’t helpful information. like that post that’s like, “waterboarding at guantanamo bay sounds like a lot of fun if you don’t know what either of those things are” lmao. if you don’t know what cp is about, tagging for it just tells you what it’s called. and it very clearly ruined everyone’s fun if i talked about this. 

so that’s what i was mad about, i was mad that i felt as though there was no recourse here, and i was mad because i felt like the cp fandom was the emperor’s new clothes. nobody was acting like it even existed and everybody got uncomfortable if i brought it up, like, i legitimately wondered at some point if i had somehow accidentally read a kinky rewrite of it, that the real version did not have rape in it and nobody knew what i was talking about. i felt like i was going crazy and i got shitty in the middle of the night one time, and wrote that post. 

i ultimately deleted it, so i do not remember how it was worded; but i do recall that it was a venting post, it was not intended to reach a wider audience. i was not trying to convince anyone in that moment, i was just talking shit. so i can bet that it probably came across as very judgmental and unkind. 

i made a bunch of people very angry with that post. somebody got thousands of notes by reblogging with an impassioned smackdown saying basically what those redditors were saying about shane - it’s not their job to police what people see online. it’s not their fault you were unprepared for cp. 

i do not think this is a nuanced enough argument because i do not think it acknowledges that not all content is created equal. 

i even got an anon ask in good faith saying, well, a huge trigger for me is body horror, and people will draw or reblog stuff with body horror in it, and i can’t hold that against them. 

and like, no, you can’t, but body horror is not the same as rape or child sexual abuse. body horror isn’t the same as sex trafficking. right? like those things aren’t comparable in the way that i think the anon was wanting them to be. they were saying that both of these are common triggers that people would want tagged and be unable to move past in media, you know? and i get that, i got what they were saying. 

kind of like that cartoonist who wrote a spooky horror comic a while ago and somebody sent them an ask being like, “that was really scary, you usually post fun comics, this was damaging, unfollowed :/” like obviously a stranger’s fear of spooky things is not something he should be expected to take on on his own blog lmao. i am deeply afraid of ghosts, by the way. 

but according to rainn.org, 1 in 5 women experience rape in their lifetime. 1 in 5 women are not frightened by literal ghosts in their lifetime. 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys aren’t body horrored. body horror and ghosts aren’t used on a global scale as tools to control and abuse people and they do not have the same connotations of shame, degradation, and control. the things are not the same. 

i don’t have an easy answer. i can’t wave my magic wand and make people not enjoy the rape erotica, nor was that my goal in the first place. i wasn’t clutching my pearls like, “how dare you! do not draw this art! think of the children!” and i don’t know how else i would have solved the problem, aside from having a weird disclaimer under your art of two dudes cuddling that says “warning, these dudes are from a book that’s got several thousand words of explicit rape in it, and i know that, you’re not the only one seeing that,” like that’s a lot and i get it. 

i don’t have an easy answer because there isn’t one. i felt like “well, that’s not my problem” was an easy answer. 

as i get older, the more responsibility i have as an adult online to maintain boundaries between me and minors, for example. i am not responsible for their internet experience and they can’t get mad at me for cussing or writing about gay werewolves on my blog, but i do have to be mindful of that context if i’m interacting with someone online. that’s where the complexity comes in. you can’t wash your hands of the context of the things you say and do online. 

just how to solve these problems, i did not know then and i do not know now. i guess we take it on a case by case basis. 

if you’re curious about shane dawson and his horrible movie, by the way, this guy did a few funny videos about the horrible movie and this guy did a not funny but comprehensive breakdown of shane and his career. 

and i tried to tint my eyebrows for the first time the other day, i have red hair and my eyebrows are darker than my hair for some reason, so i tried to use an eyebrow tint to lift my brows just like, a shade, so be closer to my hair? but in doing this i discovered that my eyebrows are a mixture of red and brown? 

so the red hairs lifted to a sunny orange, and the brown hairs stayed brown. so my eyebrows are fully like, calico right now. boom, orange juice, that’s life