#look at what making fun of this man has done to me

[not-a-lady-irl]

Glad you liked it

Pairing: Malleus Draconia x f!reader Summary: You were taking a cooking class with Trey to pass the time. At the end of class, you returned to your Diasomnia dorm with a beautiful strawberry pie, but you just didn't expect that the pie would spark the interest of a certain dragon. Warnings: fluff, terrible writing Author's Note: English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes. Words: 2.1K

You were taking a cooking class with Trey, he was teaching you how to make one of his famous strawberry pies.

It was just a normal day, after your classes ended you left the Diasomnia dorm looking for something to do and as you walked around campus you smelled the wonderful smell of Trey's pies.

And that's how you ended up in the kitchen of Heartslabyul's dorm.

— Hey Hey! Even your pie turned out better than we expected — Trey confessed, as he took your pie that had just come out of the oven and examined it.

Even you were surprised

— Wow! I still can't believe it worked.

— Your pie is excellent — Trey takes the pie out of the pan and puts it on the table — At least now I know who to call if I get a large order of pies and need help. — He jokes

A smile forms on your face when you hear the compliments

— Thanks Trey, at least now I have something to take to my friends at Diasomnia, I'm sure they'll love eating one of your pies!

— I sincerely hope so — He replies while picking up some already cut strawberries and some whipped cream that was inside a pot — Now this beautiful pie just needs a decoration!

You observe the way Trey decorates his pie, the dexterity and care he has when forming small circles of whipped cream that add a sensation of delicacy to the pie and then the chopped strawberries.

— And… that’s it! — The last strawberry is placed on top of the whipped cream. Trey picks up his pie and looks at it with some pride — It's this decoration that makes customers ask for more and more, I don't know, it seems like they simply only like it if it looks like that, it's strange, isn't it? — He comments with a laugh.

You look at his pie and think about how long Trey must have worked with sweets, especially strawberry pie, to reach this level of perfection.

You wondered if your decor would be as good as his.

— Okay! Your time! — He says, handing you your pie and the utensils for decoration — It's very easy, you'll see — An encouraging smile appears on his lips

— Don’t expect too much from me… — Your confidence exuding

Not wanting to take too long, you take the pot, the spatula and pour some Whipped Cream onto your pie. Luckily, the whipped cream circle comes out perfect.

— I did it! — A smile escapes your face — I didn't ruin the pie!

— If you keep talking like that, it might happen — Trey catches your attention and you respond by pouting — Come on, finish with the whipped cream first and then add the strawberries, which is the easiest part

Obeying his orders, you repeat the same way as before when pouring another drop of whipped cream on the pie.

However, you weren't very lucky this time.

Instead of the drop forming a beautiful, delicate circle, the whipped cream ended up escaping the spatula and a large amount of it spread across the cake, forming anything but a small circle.

— Ah… — Your voice condemning your disappointment at seeing what had happened

But all you could hear was Trey's laugh in the background

— I told you that if you kept saying those things this could happen — A laugh escapes Trey's throat

Your face becomes enraged at the mockery of the green-haired man in front of you. You decide to give up on forming small delicate circles and opt to simply spread the whipped cream all over the top of the pie, "it looks much better like that!", you think, trying to admit that your decoration had been superior to Trey's

— Okay, I'm done! Excuse me. — You respond with disdain — Without even waiting for any response from him

— Oh, that was fun, for sure — You hear him say as you walk away to your dorm

From now on you would think twice, maybe three, four or five before agreeing to do anything with this man again, especially if it was strawberry pies.

With night already taking over the entire sky with the moon and stars, while returning to Diasomnia you found yourself thinking about what the students in your dorm would think about your pie. Would they like it? You weren't so sure about the taste, but since it was Trey's recipe you assumed it wouldn't be bad!

"Well, at least it would be better than Lilia's food for sure", you thought, and a smile escaped.

But even though the opinions of other students didn't bother you much, you, after all, only cared about one person out of all of them.

Malleus.

The horned fae who exudes power and strikes fear into all who look upon him. It wasn't like your crush on him was something few people knew about. You blamed yourself for it, but sometimes you couldn't control yourself around him and your feelings were always showing. Your eyes condemning you.

When you arrived at the dormitory, you could already see the vision of some students studying, others gossiping in one of the corners of the main hall, others practicing magic on themselves or their classmates… well, it was something you were already used to seeing in your dormitory.

You didn't notice, but the still hot pie gave off its scent to everyone, attracting a lot of curious looks at you and the box you had in your hands.

— Yes, it's one of Trey's pies if that's what you're thinking — You respond, already knowing that you couldn't hide this fact for long

— Can we have a piece?? — One of the boys asked

You thought a little before answering, because you wanted Malleus to taste your pie, Lilia wouldn't be a bad idea either, you loved receiving praise from Diasomnia's vice-prefect.

Well, but the fear of the pie being terrible haunted you again. The decor was horrible, there was no denying that, but you were going to take a chance on the taste.

— Okay, you can have a piece. Just ONE ok? — You open the packaging where the pie was and face that decoration disaster again — In fact…. It was… I who… did… — You already regret it

The student who placed the order approached and looked at the pie.

— Well, it's definitely more appetizing than Lilia's food, that's for sure. — He said and took a piece of your pie.

You couldn't hold back your laughter upon hearing the comment. In fact, the vice-prefect's meals were terrible… to say the least, so of course the students would think your pie was phenomenal.

— Wow, it's incredible! — He replied — Congratulations Y/N! You are an excellent cook!

You were surprised by your colleague's comment

— Serious? Thanks! — Your face showing disruption.

Your happiness was so much that you didn't even watch a large crowd of students eating your pie either.

— Hey… wait. Leave at least a piece, please! — Your voice tried to reach the students' ears, but the effort was in vain, none of them heard you.

As you tried to fend off some of them to try and save your piece of the pie, your voice began to take on a different tone, one of fear, concern.

— Guys, please! Don't eat all the pie! — Your voice breaking and the fear of taking over — I told you to leave at least a piece!

When they finished eating, they started to walk away and only then did you get a glimpse of your pie… or at least what was left of it.

Nothing.

There wasn't a single piece left. No trace that it even existed. They left nothing for you to offer Malleus.

As you looked at the empty box in front of you, your eyes filled with tears. You had worked so hard to make that pie. You came back so thoughtful about the feeling of having Malleus experience something made by you… you liked seeing and knowing what he thought about you and the things you did.

You wanted to spend this time with him, to hear from him what he thought of your strawberry pie.

But that was all over, there was no more to give to Malleus.

Angry, you huddled in Diasomnia's kitchen cabinet and cried. You cried everything your heart asked for. All your sadness and regret poured out. You weren't exactly angry with your colleagues, you didn't blame them for not listening to you (at least not entirely), but you blamed yourself even more for not having set aside a piece for Malleus yourself.

— Whatever… — Your voice was muffled

As you gave in to your loneliness and sadness, you heard a familiar voice coming from the front door of the main hall.

— Well… do any of you know where she is? I had promised her that I would deliver a piece of my pie but… she left before I could deliver it.

Wait.

You knew that voice.

Trey??

You wipe the tears from your eyes and run towards the door, where three boys could be seen staring at the green-haired man.

As soon as he looks at you, he shows you the piece of pie that was in his hand

— Hey Y/N! You left before I could give you this. You made me promise that I would give you at least one piece of my pie to try and compare with yours, remember?

It´s truth! You had forgotten, you bothered Trey so much to give you a piece of his pie that after he made fun of your decoration you simply left and forgot about the promise.

You walk over and pick up the piece.

— Thanks Trey… but now there's no way I can compare — You say, your voice already breaking again

Trey looks at you closely and decides to ask.

— Isn't there any left for him?

You just nod your head

Trey knew why you wanted to take a whole pie back to your dorm. He knew you wanted to impress Malleus. That's why he helped you.

Before you could say anything else you both hear heavy footsteps coming from behind you.

— What's going on here? — A deep voice asks, causing chills throughout all the students.

Except for you, because you recognized that voice as well as you recognized Trey's voice.

Malleus.

—Oh? Y/N? What happened? Why are you standing here by the door? —Malleus asks you, his gaze full of curiosity.

— She would like you to try the pie she made — Trey responds in your place.

You look at him with a glare. Everyone in the dorm already knew about your love for Malleus, but Trey didn't need to make it obvious to Malleus himself either.

— Is it true Y/N? — He asks

You didn't know exactly how to feel, you weren't the one who actually made that piece. The decor was beautiful, completely different from yours. However, the recipe was the same, it was Trey's recipe, and the students who ate it said it was just as good. So there probably wasn't much of a difference.

— Only if you want… — You replied quietly, very shy.

You were someone else when Malleus was in the same room as you.

Malleus looks at the piece of strawberry pie held out to him.

— I would love to — And like that, he takes the piece from your hands and puts it in his mouth

The world stops at that moment, the pie wasn't even yours, but the fact that you said it was caused the same anxiety as if it were yours. Malleus bites a piece, chews, swallows, bites another, chews, swallows.

You swore your heart would stop there, at that moment. You even got scared when you saw Trey as worried as you were.

— It's wonderful — He smiles satisfied — I'm happy to know that you have a gift for confectionery Y/N — He praises and bites another piece

You can't even believe it. Your face turns all red. You feel warm. Your heart is pounding. It worked, you received a compliment from Malleus! You couldn't even believe it.

— Looks like someone won the night now — Trey comments with a smile and you can't even be nervous with him, he literally saved you

—Oh? I didn't know that Y/N wanted me to try her pie so much — Malleus lets out a laugh — If you want me to try something so much, next time take it directly to me and I'll tell you exactly what I think. — He smiles at you, his pointy teeth showing.

You don't remember exactly how, but you remember your eyes closing and your head hitting the floor of the Diasomnia.

[becausebuckley]

michelle's buddie fic recs: week 47!

...plus a very special non-buddie fic!! an excellent reading week, once again. the 911 fandom has so many incredible writers!

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some might also contain spoilers for season 8.

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

and i need you more than want you (and i want you for all time) | dykeries/@buddiesbian| 25.9k | E

Buck and Eddie's relationship changes over a series of phone calls. Along the way, their family finds its way back home to each other. there's something about phone calls for buddie that just hits so hard... doesn't matter if they're sex calls or emotional calls. this fic is so good, i devoured it!!

ball games | thesquinky | 8.4k | T

buck takes eddie to that lakers game, after all. buck and eddie at the lakers game!! kiss cams!! i was crossing my fingers someone would write a fic exactly like this and it did not disappoint <3

been there, done that (once or twice) | kaistinlove/@kaistinlove | 21.6k | E

the one where Buck wants to make a boudoir album and enlists Eddie's help as a photographer. i clicked on this SO FAST when i saw it!! so good so hot so perfect

DIAZ | mandolare/@confessionseddie | 3k | E

Buck wears the wrong jacket. buck needs to always wear the wrong jacket imo <3 so lovely!!

hold me like water | singomuse7 | 6.3k | T

Eddie's not the most oblivious person in the world and instantly understands what that closet joke meant, and instead of crashing out and blowing his life up about it, he gives Buck sensible advice and breaks up with Marisol. Cue 6k words of gay crisis during madney's wedding. i love love love this fic's eddie so much <3 so good!!

i belong with you, you belong with me (you're my sweetheart) | Distressed_Ladybug15/@cadiebug | 1.4k | GA

For a second they just stand there, staring into Chris’ room, then Buck tips his head back and to the side so he can meet Eddie’s eyes. “Hi,” he mumbles, voice hoarse and overused from work. i needed a little hurt/comfort like this a couple of days ago and it hit the spot perfectly <3

jee- yun's big day | rainbow_nerds/@rainbow-nerdss | 6k | GA

“So, Jee,” Mommy says. “You remember how we visited Daddy at work before?” Jee-Yun nods. “Captain Bobby says you can come to work with me for a whole day!” Daddy looks excited, and Jee thinks about it. Daddy’s work is pretty fun, she thinks. Captain Bobby cooked some really yummy pasta, and Uncle Buck is always there, and so are Aunt Hen and Uncle Eddie. THIS FIC. this fic is the non-buddie inclusion of this week but honestly i don't even care, i need everyone to read it immediately. the loveliest cutest jee ever, and such a lovely ensemble of characters around her <3

make a spark (break the dark) | prettyunhinged | 4.9k | E

Eddie is gay. Tommy sucks. Buck and Eddie frot about it on the couch. this fic is how i realised that there's an ao3 tag especially for eddie's couch and honestly, she deserves it <3 so hot so buddie so good!!

my home is your body | coldbam/@coldbam | 16.6k | E

Buck and Eddie have vastly different nights at Pride. Then very similar summers. this was a reread and it still hits so very hard. the ultimate buddie fwb fic!!

my man says he loves me (never says he loves me not) | colonoscopys/@colonoscopys | 9.7k | GA

croakett: I don’t know what to do tubbalubb: me neither He stares at the screen. Is this the correct time to bring up Buck’s abs? buddie online friendship AND irl friendship?? sign me right up wow i love this!! they're so silly and they love each other so much <3

please, please, please | bookinit/@bookinit02 | 8.7k | E

buck doesn’t touch eddie anymore. eddie’s losing it, a little bit. honestly eddie i'd lose it too. this fic combines pining and getting together and touch-starvation so basically if there was a venn diagram of my favourite fic tropes this would be right in the middle <3

red + white + boom | onlythemessenger | 3k | T

Unexpected fireworks catch Eddie off guard after a bad week. Buck and Bobby help him through the aftermath. bobbyeddie friendship my most beloved <3 love how this fic portrays them!!

this mortal coil (shuffle) | eirabach/@eirabach | 20.1k | M

Maddie was never supposed to be Buck’s mother. Eddie was never allowed to be his anything. But three minutes and seventeen seconds later, here they are. this fic hurt but in the best way. love maddie here in particular <3

this world turns over | dottie_weewoo/@dottie-wan-kenobi | 4.8k | T

Before Buck stands up fully, Eddie reaches out with his good hand to pet Christopher’s hair, pushing a few strands out of his face. “Goodnight, mijo,” he whispers, getting only a mumble in response. A soft smile steals over his face, his eyes moving from his son to Buck. “Hey, Buck?” domestic and wonderful <3 this was a lovely morning read on the bus earlier this week!!

we are bound | EiraLloyd/@unlifeira | 7.2k | T

Every human was born with a prophecy. That was the deal, or so they taught at school. But Evan knew better. He wasn’t born with a prophecy. He’d asked and asked and asked, but his parents shrugged every time, and eventually, Evan stopped asking. Why bother when he already knew the answer he’d get? i love the style and structure of this fic so so much, it's gorgeously written!! a true treat <3

you're looking like you fell in love tonight | devirnis/@devirnis | 1.1k | GA

There’s an arm slung across his waist, a head on his shoulder, soft hairs tickling the underside of his jaw. He breathes in, the cobwebs of sleep slowly dissolving in his brain, and he smells — Eddie. i did fall in love tonight and it was with this fic <3 so so lovely!!

[parkersbliss]

Met Him Last Night | P. Graves

pairing: phillip graves x gender neutral reader 

synopsis: you make a decision to trust him, just this once. don't be surprised when it backfires.

warnings: graves, mentions of soap's death, possible timeline inaccuracies, one sexual reference

a/n: based on the song "met him last night" by demi lovato ft. ariana grande :) down bad for this man pls he's my american babe

Masterlist | Taglist | Prompt List

requests open for call of duty!

—

“Red or white?” 

“Neither.” 

“White it is,” They tell the server, pointing to one of the names.

You sigh, leaning back in your seat. What were you doing this late at night here? With him? 

Graves is sitting in front of you, smirking at your sour expression and you want to rip it off his face. 

The server returns with the bottle and two glasses, pouring it for both of you. Graves thanks him and then gestures for you to take a sip. He grabs his glass, raises it to you in a toast, and waits. You hesitate for a second before grabbing the other glass. After all, what’s there to lose? You’ve already sat here with him, might as well make it more bearable. 

“That’s more like it,” He chuckles as you take a huge gulp. It has a hint of white peaches, delicate, but rich and intense as you finish it. 

You set the glass back down. “You’re an instigator.” 

“So they tell me,” He replies with ease. “But isn’t this so much more fun than drowning in your own sorrows?” 

You’ll give him that, at least. You weren’t sure why you thought this was a good idea. You don’t really believe in Graves and what he stood for. Or lack of what he stood for. 

Yet, here you were, sat in this restaurant with him, indulging him when you shouldn’t. A meeting with the devil. 

“You know you don’t have to like so sour to be here, darlin’. It was your choice to contact me.” 

“I’m starting to regret that,” You mumble, knowing he was right. In a moment of weakness, you begged for a contact with him and did some dingy shit, but you got it. You should at least give him a chance after all that hard work. 

“I’m not good enough company?” 

“I’ve had better.” 

He fakes a frown. “Hurtful, really. But I know you’re mourning, so I’ll let it slide.” 

You roll your eyes. “How generous of you.” 

“You know, they do say I am quite a giver.” 

You narrow your eyes at him. Giver? He must have spoken wrong, he was a digger. Grave digger or gold digger. They both fit him. “Well, that’s some bullshit.” 

Graves laughs, the skin around his eyes crinkling. “No, I’m generous to the right people,” He corrects you. “My shadows get bonuses every year for Christmas.” He extends a hand to gesture at the table. “I’m paying for our lovely dinner tonight. Think that must constitute for something.” 

“Thank you,” You said, honestly. He was right after all, you called him here and all you’ve done is hurl insults at him. “I’m sorry.” 

He quirks a brow. “For what?” 

“I could be better company.”

“Ah, nonsense!” He waves a hand, dismissing your apology. His voice lowers, “Anyone in your position would be the same way, snippy and all.” 

“I’m not snippy!” You’re quick to defend. Though the look on his face says you might have just proven his point. “A little snippy,” You admit. 

“And that’s okay. It’s never easy losing a teammate to something so… preventable.” 

You clench your jaw at that mention and he takes quick notice. “But enough of that. Let’s talk about you.” 

“What about me?” 

“Anything you like, darlin’.” 

“I have a cat,” You blurt out. 

“Do ya?”

You nod. “Yeah, my friend takes care of him while I’m away. He’s uh… a tuxedo.” You pull out your phone to show him a picture. “He’s a little shit.” 

Graves leans in to look at the photo of your cat. “He’s cute, can’t blame him.” 

You snort. “I can’t have a Christmas tree 'cause he scales that thing to the top.” 

“So he likes a little fun.” Graves shrugs. “Don’t see nothin’ wrong with that.” 

You shake your head, a little amused. Of course, he would say that. “It’s more than that.” 

“Then tell me.” 

The conversion becomes easy after that. After you stopped insulting him, at least. Anyone who knew you knew the easiest way to get you to open up was through your cat. Maybe the wine is getting to your head, but he’s not so bad. Phillip makes you laugh, you make him laugh. You banter, you rant, you cry, and he understands. He promises you exactly what you’re looking for.

“We don’t play by the rules, darlin’. Believe me, I can get you exactly what you want.” 

You’re gone after that, having split the bottle of wine between the two of you. Any rational thoughts of what’s wrong and right have left your mind. The devil has promised you something, and he always keeps them. And perhaps you’ve promised something you shouldn’t have. 

He pays the bill, he walks you home with a hand on your back, and he stands at your doorway saying ‘goodnight.’ 

But you don’t want to be alone. 

He spends the night. Once. Twice. Three times. Too many to keep track of, but you didn’t care to anymore. Not when you sang Phillip’s praises when he was between your legs, or when he’s bringing you flowers when he sees you, or holding you late at night as you continue to mourn and find comfort in someone like him. 

There’s something warm and fuzzy about him. Something that makes your head spin and your legs weak. You don’t think when he’s around (maybe that’s the problem), but you don’t need to. 

“Never have to worry your pretty head ‘bout a thing darlin’.” Phillip would say, and so you did. 

You let him take care of your plan, your revenge, his promise. You let him take of you, healing some part of you that hadn’t after you lost Johnny. 

At least that’s what you thought, but maybe you got lost along the way, turned around, and headed straight into his arms. 

He made it so easy after all, didn’t he? To believe in him, that is. And you did a fucked up thing, really. A mistake on your part. Phillip had loyalty to no one but his shadows. For you to even think he’d extend that to you? Well, you had to be stupid or in love. 

And you weren’t stupid. 

You storm around your apartment, phone gripped tightly in your hand. You were fucked.

“Are you kidding me?” You practically scream. 

“Darlin’, please, it’s not personal.” 

You pinch the bridge of your nose. “You used me.” You’re practically fuming at him. He was smart, finding you when you were vulnerable, and letting you reach out first. He prayed on your innocence, on your hurt. You damn sure weren’t letting that happen again. 

“Used is such a strong term,” Graves chides. “And really, I didn’t. You’re overreacting sweetness. This has nothing to do with you.” 

“It has everything!” 

You can hear his eye roll through the phone. “Would you just trust me on this?”

“Are you being serious? No! I’m never making that mistake again.” Graves didn’t wear disguises. You should’ve seen right through him. You knew better now. How could you ever have thought to believe him? Someone like him, with only a history of deceiving. You were there when he turned his back on you in Las Almas, at Shepard in the courtroom, and yet you believed him. He was your vice, your flaw, your reason. 

He was horrible in so many ways, but you came back every time. You craved him holding you at night, wiping the tears away. The way he’d kiss you when you would meet up, his hands roaming your body— you’d never felt this way.

“(Y/N),” He drawls and you want to fall for it, but you don’t. 

“No, I’m done. I’m leaving.” 

“Don’t be like this.” 

“You gave me a pretty damn good reason to leave. This is on you.” 

He chuckles through the phone. “If you’d let me explain, you’d see I’m not such a bad guy.” 

You shake your head. “No,” You said firmly. “No, you betrayed me and I betrayed my team.”

What were they going to think of you after this? You weren’t like this, so reckless, engaging with the enemy. No one expected this from you, and you certainly didn’t expect it from yourself, to fall so hard. But you weren’t going down without a fight. 

You bounce back like you always did. “This is the last call we’re having, Graves.” You practically spit his name out and he’s hurt when you hang up. You were always so stubborn with him. So quick to dismiss his reasons, like you’re looking for a reason to hate him. Whatever, you’ll come back. You’ll see he did this for you. He was not a bad guy, he was carrying out the plan you wanted. It just happened he had to screw over a couple people for it. He just didn’t expect you to get so worked up over it. 

You dial the next person, heart thundering. 

“(Y/N)?” A voice calls out, familiar to you and you hope they won’t hate you. That was the last thing you needed right now. You lost Johnny, and now you lost Graves (it’s a good thing you tell yourself, but your heart says otherwise), you couldn’t lose your team too. 

“Kyle, I,” You swallow, tears clouding your vision when you realize what you’ve done. “I fucked up.” 

– END –

Read more, HERE. Never wanna miss a fic? Join HERE. 

[cator99]

please finish your wedding story, i so badly want to hear the rest of it. i await eagerly.

>everyone lived happily ever after

>a few weeks pass

>I write the brides a lengthy and detailed letter of recommendation to their immigration lawyer

>they're overjoyed and think its a beautiful letter, and I'm glad to help because I hope they last forever and get everything they want in life, if I may drop the act and be sincere for a moment

>a few days pass. the bride I've known for over 15 years messages me

>however... she doesn't care. she's on her honeymoon. and I'm just some chick she was friends with as a kid. what does upset her is how she found out.

>at first I assume that the woman who reached out to her (who I knew back in jr high, and is a few years older than me) was just trying to upset her

>bride tells me about how this woman was her best friend and then suddenly blocked her out of nowhere, which was (and is) still very painful for her

>the woman, who we will refer to as "A" whips up a story about being concerned for the bride's safety and privacy or something

>bride is confused. there's no identifying information. the post is a nothingburger to her. what's important here is that she's upset that this woman messaged her after 4 years, not to make things right..... but to talk about "zander"

>right, this is about me, because this is "A" we're talking about here...... hell hath no fury like a closet case scorned

how did she find my blog?

I assume it went like this:

>"A" goes to peek at her ex-bestie's wedding photos

>"Zander" Spotted

>runs to LC

>"hey does anyone remember Zander who I used to post about on here all the time 7 years ago? I may have found an update!"

>"that's terf cator99 who was posted about on the Women Youre Ashamed To Want To Fuck thread you fucking idiot that looks nothing like her"

>no here's proof!

>autism ensues

>several replies get deleted, other responses indicate they're "A" sperging and linking my blog

>people argue if I deserve to be there anymore

>"she's a tif"

>"no"

> yes"

>"no"

>"I used to know her" ["A" posting]

>"tell us more!"

>"she used to have this one pair of glasses and then she had this other pair of glasses that looked really good on her..."

meanwhile:

>assume she's probably back on her LC shit

>find and link bride to the LC thread and explain to her that "A" has just been trolling for fun and to pay it no mind, you're better off without her in your life

>"hey bride-chan, not to be weird but I'm just trying to understand this shit, do you think A ever had a thing for me... I always kind of assumed she was bi or gay when we were younger and thought it was cool that she was androgynous and went to school dressed as Kaito from vocaloid all the time so I wanted to be her friend but she was pretty rude to people and I backed off"

>"well i dont know but she's married to a man now..."

>yet here she is trying to get under the skin of two women who are with other women

to be fair I earned the lolcow title fair and square years ago all on my own, and really do feel I owe "A" a favor for introducing me to the site. it was very formative for me to find out places like that existed right at the moment I was starting to have conflicting thoughts about the trans shit so I could gain some self-awareness (and general awareness overall) (shout out to "A"s friend who cowtipped to me.....)

meanwhile, on LC:

>"well done ladies, we've figured it all out. Butch Lesbian cator99 is currently partying with gay men, and It is common knowledge that "gay men" are all secretly bisexuals who are looking to hook up with women who say things like "I'm a lesbian" and "I am not attracted to males". That is their mating call, in fact. These words activate the Hetero gland in the Amygdala like a sleeper agent who has been biologically programmed– as we all are– to stop the kiki-ing and split off into heterosexual pairings at the end of a poppers-fuelled night assless-twerking to Britney."

>"good work. But I'll one-up you: look at this screenshot."

[photo from an instagram account, featuring a photo of 17 year old Zander's legs in the bath. "I Am Totally Into Epic Awesome Penis Now!!!!!!" (She had never seen a penis)]

>"yes, this is definitely a normal thing for a straight woman to say. I always knew she was a faker."

>"yes. as im sure you're all aware, there are many social and career benefits from pretending to be a lesbian."

>"doesn't that idiot know that she can't just lie and change her orientation? I can't believe she's been straight this whole time."

>"what does she have to gain from lying?"

>"She's so adamant about being a lesbian, which is a dead giveaway for a cover-up operation. The more they resist, the more evident it is that they are lying in order to gain access to that highly lauded Online Lesbian Following, which is something every straight woman wants deep down."

meanwhile:

>call gf

>"bad news. I just found out I'm actually straight."

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Taehyung and Jungkook Dynamic Reading

Alright, time to dig into this dynamic. I am not too familiar with BTS dynamics, so this would be fun to try to decipher what is going on with them energetically. Let's see what I can get.

Overall Energy: So, let me start with the House 7 card, this card is about intimacy, romantic relationships, but also significant relationships, so not going to lie, there could be truth to the rumors about them. I mean that card speaks loudly, but this doesn't always indicate romantic relationships, the card can indicate strong relationships that help build the person on a personal/spiritual level as well. I am not here to discount anything, both seem plausible with that energy. I call how I see it.

Now, they also got the House one, so both of them are on a journey of discovery, of learning about themselves. Learning more about who they are as an individual, this makes sense as they are getting older, starting more of their solo careers and in the military. Now, with the Strength card, this shows me they do have a strong bond, that can hold the test of time or handle any difficulties that comes their way, so I don't see these two distances themselves from another, even if they are doing their own thing.

Taehyung's Energy: How I am not surprised he got the emperor card, he wears the pants in this dynamic lol He is the more level-headed rational one, the one that plans ahead. I am getting he is two steps ahead. I get he is always a step ahead of Jungkook. Now, with the Temperance card and the 6 of Pentacles, he has a very balanced approach in this dynamic. He gives what he gets. He is all about equal distribution in this dynamic. To him, they kind of balance each other, one gives this, the other gives that. Man, just here to say, this energy is much easier to read than my HeeSun one lol The energy here seems so much more stable and clearer.

There is a guard he has up. I am not sure he fully trust Jungkook on some things. Now, I will get to Jungkook, but he does have the 7 of Swords in his energy, not a great energy to have in a dynamic. I get he can be deceiving; I got looks can be deceiving. He may have done something that may have lost his trust a bit. Now, with this Prince archetype card, I can get romantic vibes from this as well, I call is as I see it, this is a very romantic card, someone who does sweet gestures, he may even buy him gifts or do things that are really sweet for him. With this Messiah card, he can be protective of Jungook. There may be this need to save him somehow. With that 9 of Wands energy, that also gives me wanted to protect this bond, so on his end like I got for the overall energy, they seem like a strong stable unit that will last a long time, they can endure any pitfalls that come their way.

Now, with this Fool card he got, the keywords naivety and innocence stood out. He can be a bit naive in this dynamic. I am not saying Jungkook is a bad person, but there are things he does that I feel Taehyung should not accept. Taehyung seems like the type that thinks the best in everyone and ignores their down sides. Now, for his guidance he got the white raven spirit card, this is about believing in the possibilities. To learn to trust things will work out. I feel this card is telling him to recognize and be aware of the signs and intuitive nudges he gets. He may feel something isn't right, so he needs to follow that gut instinct.

Jungkook's Energy: So, as I mentioned he got the 7 of Swords, that is sneaky energy, so not a fan of this energy in a dynamic. I am getting, doing things behind his back. There is just things he may have lied about to Taehyung. I just don't understand this energy. I am getting betrayal as well, what it is. I don't know, don't have the patience to look further. With this 9 of Swords, he may feel very distressed by it and may lose sleep over it.

But then we go to the King of Cups, now I feel this is more Taehyung's energy than Jungkook, Taehyung may have been able to forgive what he has done, because of his understanding and loving energy he has. With this Page of Wands card, I feel that is Jungkook. Taehyung may understand he can be reckless and a bit immature, so he tends to forgive his misgivings, and as we know Taehyung is a very forgiving and loyal person. Jungkook's energy in this dynamic is a bit reckless. He seems to be very spontaneous and just does what he likes.

Now, for his archetypes, he got Scribe, this is someone who preserves information on someone, so Jungkook may know a lot about Taehyung. Did he share something about Taehyung, maybe he shouldn't have? Is that the betrayal? I just get Jungkook doesn't really think things through, so he may share things he shouldn't. Now, with this Rescuer card, I feel this card can also indicate something romantic, because the lifeboat on the card is the shape of a heart lol But I also feel this gives me Jungkook is the type to do things that can make Taehyung forgive him for past mistakes. I also do see him being very loving and supportive to Taehyung when he needs him, this may be why Taehyung can forgive him, because he is there for him in times of need.

Now, with the 2 of Wands energy, he definitely vibes well with Taehyung, they seem similar and get along very well. To him, they may have the same vision on where they both want to go in life. He does envision a future with him in whatever form that will be. They may even plan things out together. Now, his guidance is the deer spirit, he needs to take a softer approach to things. This is telling him to be more cautious and to not act out too rashly. To tread a bit before doing something. To not overdo things. And to not share things with others he shouldn't, especially in regard to Taehyung as this is about their dynamic. I also feel he should be more observant of Taehyung and to learn which lines not to cross or do things he shouldn't do.

Okay, that was interesting stuff here, obviously I can't cover everything, girl got no time for that but got some tea here. This helped me understand them a bit more as well.

[stars1997]

I’m here to make a rempe request 🤠 he looked way too good during the stampede. anyway you can write something up where you go there and you bump into him and start dancing and then he goes on to try to win you a stuffed animal playing one of those little corny carnival games.

Rodeo Fun

Paring(s): Matt Rempe x reader

Warnings: Fluff!

_

“Come on!” You say grabbing your cowboy hat off the hook by the front door. Your friend comes hopping around the corner trying to put her boot on.

“Sorry. I had to make sure that my top was on right.” Her foot finally slides into her boot when she reaches the door.

You both rush out the door excitement rolling over the both of you. this is your favorite time of the year. This will be your third year going.

_

You both get out of the car. The crowd to get it is huge, and it only seems to be getting bigger.

“Come on I want to make sure that we get good seats for the show. Preferably next to the bull riders.” y/f/n said grabbing your hand and pulling you into the crowd.

Once you're finally in your in shock at what you see, you always are. People everywhere running around eating, drinking, and playing games. You turn to your friend, and both of you let out a squeal of excitement.

She grips your hand harder and pulls you again. she’s weaving through the crowd of people like a pro. But you on the other hand can’t seem to stop bumping into people.

You look down at your phone to check to time for one second when you run into something hard, stopping you and your friend in your tracks. You look up to see a very tall man standing before you. all this seemed to happen so fast. he turns to look at who ran into him. your eyes lock your mouth falls open to apologies, but no words come out. He smirks at you before you are pulled away by your friend again.

“Come on! It’s starting!” she says to you before turning to the tall mystery man.

“I apologize for her clumsiness, but we got to get going now.” he doesn’t even spare your friend a glance. His eyes focused on you, even as you were pulled away from him. You shake your head a little, almost like you’re breaking a trance.

-

The day felt like it went by so fast yet so slow. You and your friend have done so many things that didn’t even scratch the surface of things you could do here. You were having so much fun. But one thing played in the back of your mind all day, and that was the handsome, tall man that you bumped into earlier.

You and your friend stopped to get a drink before you went to the concert that was being held in a few minutes. you love country music and were so excited to go and dance. Your friend handed you your drink before pulling you along so you would be able to find a good spot at the concert.

When you go there the music has already started. it was one of your favorite songs, so you started singing along, holding your drink in the air before moving your hips to the beat. You turn around to look at your friend but are met with a torso you look up to see the man you bumped into.

“Hi, I’m Matt.” he sticks his hand out for you to shake.

“I’m y/n.” you shake his hand, your hand engulfed in his.

“Mind if I dance with you? I mean, it’s the least you could do after you ran over me earlier.” You let out a laugh. You shake your head, yes. He smiles, looking down at you before turning you around and pulling you back into him.

Your hips moved in sync with the music. his body towered over you. his hand on your hip just felt right. You spent the rest of the concerts singing and dancing with Matt. The sun is starting to go down. Matt took out his phone to text his group that he was going to be taking you to the carnival games. You texted your friend the same thing telling her that you would meet up with her at the ticket booth later. She sends a thumbs-up in response.

You put your phone in your back pocket and look over to Matt who is already looking at you. he smiles at you reaching his hand out to take yours. You make your way over to the carnival games. You pointed to one of the booths, it was the one where you had to toss the balls into the bucket and have them stay in.

“I want to try this one.” You pull him over to it and take out some of the tickets you got earlier handing them to the lady behind the counter. She hands you three baseballs and moves out of the way.

You pick one and get into the stance to throw it. You toss the ball into the bucket, but it bounced out and onto the ground. You tossed the two other balls and they both stayed in. You got to pick out a small prize. Taking the small toy from the woman’s hands you turn around to show Matt.

“Look it’s so cute.” You move the stuffed animal, so it looks like it’s doing a little dance.

“Where too next?” He asks you. look around trying to find a fun game to play next. That’s when you spot the biggest stuffed animal you have ever seen in your life. You let out a shriek and point to the big stuffed dog.

You both walk over to the stand once you are close enough to see it you notice that it is a ring toss stand. You let out a huff.

“Dude ring toss is like the worst.” You say as you turn to look at Matt.  Matt told you not to worry and that he’s got this. He hands the lady the tickets and she gives Matt two big buckets of rings. It didn’t take Matt long to go through both buckets. 

He takes out more tickets and hands them to the lady. The goal was to get one of the rings onto the center golden glass bottle. This time Matt took his time. He made sure that every ring was tossed with the right force to at least hit the center bottle.

He was down to his last few rings. It felt like you both have been standing here for so long. You have watched every move he has made. He was super determined to get you this giant stuffed animal.

You didn’t even notice that he was down to his last ring. He tossed it and it went flying through the air for what felt like so long. But when it landed it landed right around the neck of the golden bottle. You let out a loud cheer catching the attention of one of the workers.

“Congratulations! Would you like the big dog or the big cat?” the worker looked at Matt as she asked the question, but Matt was only looking at you. you respond to the worker saying that you will take the big dog. The worker nods and leaves to go and get one for you.

_

You couldn’t have had a better night. You and Matt spent the rest of the day talking and trying food. He made sure you didn’t have to lug around the big stuffed dog all day. When the sun started to go down, you got a text from your friends that said to meet her at the ticket booth. Matt walked with you to meet your friend. When you got to her, you saw that she was hanging out with Matt’s sister and friends.

When she saw the both of you, her eyes widened. Looking at the big stuffed puppy that you told Matt you could carry now. a huge smile stretches across your face, then hers. You stood and talked with everyone for a bit. Matt standing next to you with his hand resting on your lower back. your friend leans over to whisper in your ear,

“You need to tell me everything.” You nod your head. You say bye to everyone. Exchanging numbers with Matt before your friend dragged you to the car. when you go into the car, you both turn to each other and let out a loud squeal. She starts up the car backing out of the parking spot.

“You know his sister said that he wouldn’t stop talking about you all day after you bumped into him. now tell me everything.” she smirks at you as you talk about what happened between you and Matt.

[j4zz4lop3]

I don’t kin gale i don’t kin gale i don’t kin gale i dON’T KI-

[anemonet]

pro tip: you can always put the bugs in little outfits :thumbsup:

[sysig]

Time Loops are they/them culture (Patreon)

Bonus of my little guy in ISaT style:

[goldensunset]

surprise art attack!!! here’s @deityofhearts ‘s cashmere, everyone’s favorite whimsical tiefling

[saturnsorbits]

Okay, so I know we all hate him, but Mahito is a legitimately brilliant villain...

[knight-intraining]

The fact that there was once a time where I was like, "being a theatre teacher is not for me. Alas, I must find a new path posthaste".

When I directed my first play in literally 5th grade and then got to middle school and was like "I think I want to do this for the rest of my life" is kind of hilarious, I'm not gonna lie

Like the kids ask me about my life path or whatever, and I'm like yeah this will be my 10th show I've directed, and I knew in middle school I wanted to do this forever. And then I have to be like - but worry not! For there was a time in my life that I was incredibly stupid and thought this was, in fact, not my correct path 🤦🏼

[cerbreus]

boutta start ordering rocks online again just to feel alive

[silverskyeline]

'bad idea, right?' 18+ dofp!logan x f!reader

summary: your father hired him to protect you, not to fuck you. but logan never really liked playing by the rules. (1.7k) tags: set in the 70s, logan goes down on reader, fingering, squirting, lots of dirty talk, messy, overstimulation if you squint, logan calls the reader 'princess, babygirl' etc, for the 'timetravel' prompt for logan promptober.

"that's it, there we go. . ." logan hums, his voice muffled as he eagerly laps at you with his large tongue, "daddy never let you have any fun, babygirl?"

he grins, ". . . but, daddy ain't here right now though, is he?"

you know this is a bad idea, know you shouldn't be doing this. your father's vengeance upon the stranger between your thighs would be so swift and cruel, but you find yourself unable to care.

his tongue expertly drifts through your wet folds as he groans, sending reverberations right to your core. those large, calloused paws of his grip at your thighs, his thick digits pressing into your soft flesh deeply. he's messy, the best kind of messy, lapping at you like an animal, like a man deprived.

"taste so fuckin' good," he grumbles against your pussy, deep hazel eyes finally opening to look up at you. they're glazed, and so is he, his chin dripping with your slick. but he's not done with you yet, "look how fuckin' wet you are already, you're literally dripping. . ."

your cheeks flush at his almost mocking tone, fingers threading through his hair as if to encourage him. you're not sure how you got here, except you are. the moment he walked through that door, sent by your father to protect you, you felt an ache build between your legs.

you could tell he sensed it too, the way his words and sentences were crafted almost expertly to have you wet and wanting all within twenty minutes of first laying eyes on him. no other guard has ever had you moaning like this, soaked like this, splayed out on your back like this.

but you're pulled from your thoughts when his lips wrap around your clit, sucking gently. your head falls back, moans spilling out into the apartment your father had rented as the man your father had rented devours you.

"such pretty sounds," logan growls against you, tongue flicking before pressing flat against you, "you're gonna wake the neighbours. c'mon, let 'em hear what i'm doin' to you."

your head is spinning, his words causing heat to pool low in your belly. he nuzzles against you, nose brushing against your swollen clit before he dives back down to your entrance, tongue dipping back inside to fuck you. it's almost too much, the way he makes light work of you as if it's so easy, as if he knows your body better than you know it, without even knowing more than just your name.

"that's it," he coos, grinning between your thighs as he kisses his way back up to your swollen bud once more, "moan for me, wanna hear you scream. i told you, want them to hear how good i'm fuckin' you." that's when you feel them, his thick fingers circling against your hole, teasing you, almost warning you.

but it's not a warning, it's a promise. one that you want - no, fuck that, one that you need. you roll your hips a little in response, moaning and whimpering beneath him, pleading without words.

logan smirks, he knows what you need, of course he knows. he saw the way you eyed his hands, the way you watched him flex them subconsciously - he knew you wanted them buried inside of your begging cunt as soon as he entered the apartment, could smell your want, your hunger.

he was paid to protect you, after all, and how better to protect you than to keep you fucked out in his hands at all times?

just one, at first. one finger slides inside, testing you. it's tight, really tight, and wet, a soft slick sound filling the air as his finger slides inside of you. "oh, been a good girl have you?" logan teases, but it's not like he cares how many people you've been with before him. he's the only one who's ever going to matter, anyway.

then another, you're gasping and moaning at the feeling of him filling you. his fingers are pretty big, much bigger than your own. his tongue dances across your clit, urging you to relax as he stretches you, and you do. he feels you settling, a groan rumbling from his throat as he eases into you.

but when a third finger enters on the next thrust, you're gripping the sheets and calling his name. it's thick, his three fingers filling you almost completely. you wonder how big he actually is and how he compares to his fingers, but your thoughts dissipate as he begins pumping them in and out of you steadily.

"that's it, there we go. . ." logan hums, his voice muffled as he eagerly laps at you with his large tongue, "daddy never let you have any fun, babygirl?"

he grins, ". . . but, daddy ain't here right now though, is he?"

your breath catches in your throat, looking down at him through hooded lids as he fucks his fingers into you faster. his eyes are locked on yours, lips and tongue lavishing your clit with the attention he knows it deserves.

"never had a man like me before, have ya?" logan mumbles, mouth half full with you, "never had a man to really show you how it's done."

you'd answer if you could, but your mind feels like liquid, unable to form or grip any solid coherent thought other than you don't want this to stop, don't want it to ever stop. instead, you tug at his hair, moaning his name over and over like a prayer. his name tastes sweet on your lips, a name you know you'll be calling out in a lust-filled haze on nights when you're particularly lonely. nights where you want, crave the touch from that stranger who nestled between your thighs and lapped like you were a fresh spring and he, a desperate parched man.

he feels you flutter around his fingers and he smirks against your clit. the sweet symphony of your moans reverberating against his ears has his dick twitching in his jeans, aching for release, aching to replace his fingers.

but not now, not while you're writhing so perfectly for him, coming undone at just a few strokes. you wonder how you would handle his cock when you're already close to bursting with his fingers, but who could blame you? the way he curls and pumps and glides them in and out of your tight pussy, you'd think he already knew all of your sweet spots, knew you inside out, without knowing you at all.

logan is just a stranger, but you know the memory of him will be burned between your thighs, making you throb, forever.

"gonna cum, aren't you?" he growls against you, picking up the pace. his fingers curl just slightly, enough to brush against your spongey g-spot on the next thrust, just enough for you to tense up and gasp.

you can't deny it either, there's a tidal wave coming that threatens to destroy you. it's rising slowly. you can't stop it. and it's crafted by him, by the man between your thighs. but you don't want to stop it, you just worry about who you'll be when you resurface on the other side, gasping for air, lost at sea, changed forever.

nodding, you let a whine slip from your lips, feeling a sensation build, your breathing ragged. it's coming, you're cumming. and instead of taking it easy on you, calming the waters, logan encourages the overwhelming waves with a curl of his fingers.

that's all it takes, all it takes for you to cum harder than you've ever cum before. you feel a gush, hot liquid coating your thighs and along his face as he fucks his three fingers into you deeper, hitting that same spot in every thrust. you're screaming his name, fist clenching in his hair in an iron grip as you roll your hips against his face. he's taking it too, tongue assaulting your clit in all the right ways to increase the pitch of your desperate screams.

and he loves it, loves the way you become so messy for him, coating those fresh sheets and his skin. he's moaning too, not that you can hear it over your ecstasy, but it's there, low like a growl beneath every cry.

"good girl. . ." he groans, pumping his fingers in and out of you relentlessly as you clench around him rhythmically, feeling his cock throb in his jeans at the sensation. he just knows you'll take him so well, knows you'll sound even better when it's his fat cock you're cumming around instead of his fingers.

it's almost too much, feeling yourself come apart at the seams as he stitches you back together with those calloused fingers of his through each thrust. and just as quickly as the waves come, they calm all at once, washing over you slowly, sending goosebumps rippling across your soft, supple skin. logan slows too, licking stripes along your cunt to catch the remnants of your release.

"holy shit," he grins wolfishly, proudly as he presses a few kisses to the inside of your thigh, "don't need to introduce myself to the neighbours anymore, i guess, already know me by name."

you flush deeply, running your fingers through your hair as you release his, resting back against the bed fully. there's a witty quip on the tip of your tongue, but it melts away at the feeling of him pulling his fingers out of you.

"this. . . can't happen again," you whisper, shaking your head as your eyes fix on the ceiling above you.

but logan smirks, he knows you don't really mean that. knows you're just trying to convince yourself that you won't crave him in your core, that he won't flash in your mind when another person finds their home between your thighs.

"whatever you say, princess," he shrugs, sitting up as he wipes your delicious slick from his beard and chin.

you glance up at him, his bare chest, muscles tensing coupled with those pretty blue jeans. fuck. fuck. this wasn't happening. dad would kill him, kill you too probably.

"but," you find yourself beginning to speak, unable to stop the words from fighting their way out, "suppose it could be our secret. . . if it did."

ah, there it is. there's the admission logan knew was coming. he knew it was gonna come the second he wrapped his lips around that swollen little clit of yours. you just needed someone to fuck you right, fuck you proper, fuck you dirty like you deserve.

besides, logan never really liked playing by the rules, anyway.

[hana-no-seiiki]

Yandere! Husband who thinks of you every single moment of the day, spoils you rotten, makes sure you feel loved 24/7 with letters, gifts and his presence. Being married to you is a privilege and he makes sure he shows you that.

Who does the little things like making sure you never open any doors by yourself. “What the fuck do you think that ring of yours means? Get your hand off that handle!” proceeds to climb over the car to open the car door for you

who randomly squeezes your hands with a vulnerability you almost never see from him. muttering things such as, “i can’t even remember life before I met you.” or “i love you so much. leave me one day if you must, but know that i’ll never be the same without you.”

yandere! husband who always makes sure you take care of yourself, personally appointing days where you have to go the salon to get your hair or nails done. yandere! husband who always has a fun new date idea to keep things fresh in the relationship. yandere! husband who studies your body for hours on end so you’ll never have to look for satisfaction elsewhere.

so that you’ll never question why he’s changed so much. because he was never the man you married in the first place.

[nomaishuttle]

I'm gonna be so open and honest with you guys right now i fucking rly dont want to go to work tomorrow .