#look at that muppets nose
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
skrunksthatwunk · 5 months ago
Text
extremely normal girl simulator
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
583 notes · View notes
scruncheduppaper · 3 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
ford and fidd doodles because i dont feel like studying for maths
fidd’s actually p fun to draw
266 notes · View notes
island-ofthelost · 2 days ago
Text
my mom and dad think house and wilson respectively are the ugliest fucking people alive and it makes watching house md with them an actual living nightmare
98 notes · View notes
fantasykiri5 · 6 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
A pair of birds of prey for days 15 and 16 of @hermitadaymay !!! Definitely not a day and a half (?) late
#my art#Hermitaday#hermitadaymay#hermitadaymay2024#hermit-a-day may#Hermit-a-day may 2024#Hermitcraft#hermitcraft fanart#falsesymmetry#falsesymmetry fanart#welsknight#welsknight gaming#welsknight fanart#WHY DID I DECIDE TO DRAW THE STUPIDEST POSE FOR FALSE AND ARMOR FOR WELS AND WINGS FOR THEM BOTH ALL IN ONE DRAWING…#These cunts have six total hours tracked on them… I didn’t even do a background because they took so long…#and thats not even counting looking for armor and feather references like this took two straight days#I’m very proud of it though#anyways they’re NOT related I was in the middle of drawing and realized they looked uncannily alike. So I made the wise decision to give-#-Wels the same mole I give False and the same little lower lash because they’re nose and eye shapes already matched#they’re not siblings (shown by one of them not even being an actual raptor bird) but they do look uncannily similar#and I’ve decided now that my False and Wels like to just lie to people and say they’re twins for fun.#They both have fucked up doppelgängers they would find it funny.#anyways False is a red tailed hawk (specifically a dark morph)#and Wels is a peregrine falcon#armor is so hard to draw guys never draw armor it SUCKS. I did get to have Laois Dunmeshi Touden on my screen for reference the whole time-#-I was drawing Wels though so it’s not all bad#still baffled I draw the human body part of that pose for false so easily though. Fully believe I was possessed by one of the Greek muses-#-or something because I do not know enough about anatomy to have that shit memorized but it looked normal when I looked at it so. Shrugs#anyways YES i will get to Etho tomorrow… I may just draw him WITH Joe because I wanna draw him but I don’t wanna think about posing two-#-difference pieces… though then I’d have to pose them together… but the appeal of putting a Kakashi cosplayer and a muppet next to each-
360 notes · View notes
the-spooky-children · 4 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
"Aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you just wanna go apeshit?!"
messy sketchy I did for funsies lol
36 notes · View notes
its-to-the-death · 11 months ago
Text
Villain Song Showdown - Christmas edition
Some songs pulled from submissions that seem relevant for today
88 notes · View notes
lavampira · 7 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
obsessed with the changes to her eyes and nose!!!!!!!!
21 notes · View notes
sunnibits · 4 months ago
Note
hi sunny! you might have seen them already but please look at Acorn Weevils. please subject your followers to Acorn Weevils. they look like muppets. they're so fucking funny looking I could just go through their google search results for hours. I love you acorn weevil....
~ @petalstims
I ALMOST FORGOT DAILY BUG sorry I woke up very late today so my brain has been soup. anyways hang on lemme Google something real quick.
Tumblr media
BAJAHAHAHAHA WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE THAT. WHY DOES IT LOOK SO SAD HELP. GOD’S MOST PATHETIC LITTLE CREATURE 😭😭😭
my dear mr. acorn weevil you look like you are stressing over your taxes and your wife left you, are you ok, do you need help
9 notes · View notes
taamlok · 8 months ago
Text
i wanna commission a custom head for eurydice so much
11 notes · View notes
paradife-loft · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media
also. the frenemies.
10 notes · View notes
frommybookbook · 2 months ago
Text
This is the same era Elliott Gould as The Long Goodbye (1973) and my brain is so rotted that in my head this is now Philip Marlowe Meets the Muppets. I don't hate it.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Elliott Gould with Bert and Grover, 1974. Out to Lunch
3K notes · View notes
sorypsoid · 3 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
look of disdain
1 note · View note
bi-writes · 5 months ago
Text
ghost is such a daddy, isn't he? ;) too bad he's such a dick. (18+)
but it's hard to find a donor. you've been single for practically your whole life, it's the whole reason you're looking to just get pregnant by yourself. you don't need a man--you can walk into a clinic and pick from their little flip book.
but none of them fit what you're looking for. too short, hairline too far back, you don't care for the look in their eyes or the occupation they chose or their descriptions of how much they like model trains and reading george orwell every christmas. they're john does in different colored suits, and they reek of entitlement and the need for perfection and lack the individuality that you crave.
not special, no--you're looking for an edge. and none of them have it.
you're glaring at your lieutenant from three hundred yards away when your eyes soften with realization. ghost is such a bastard to you; he snaps at you easily, uses his obvious stature to overpower you in the most inconvenient of situations, and he always turns his nose up at you for being even slightly less than perfection, just a smidge off your target or just below your personal record.
he demands more of everyone he commands, but you in particular he likes to pick on. you used to think it was because you were the only woman around, but that wasn't it. ghost isn't a misogynist, he's just a right asshole.
but a gorgeous one. not in the way he looks, per say, because his face isn't all that pretty. you've seen his face, glimpses of it, enough to put the puzzle together in your head. he wears mangled skin, torn apart at the seams and scarred to high hell, but ghost is more than just stitched together skin.
he's huge. large and so fucking well in charge. he takes up space, and he does it with intent. spreads his legs when he takes a seat, crosses his arms over his chest when he's standing idly by. his expressions aren't visible under the mask he wears, but it is very obvious when he isn't happy. his glare burns through the fabric, dark eyes narrowed intensely; it is impossible to not understand when ghost is less than amused by you.
he's so capable. you've seen him take apart his gun and put it back together many times. big fingers sliding over metal and fastening it back together with practiced ease. you've seen him haul over two hundred pounds of man over a railing, seen him set up his sniper rifle and shoot a target more than a thousand yards away. he's smart, and he knows what he's doing, and even in the face of uncertainty and chaos, he's oftentimes the voice of reason in the field, and it's sexy.
god, he's so fucking hot. especially when he's rolling up his sleeves, showing off one sleeve of shitty military tattoos and telling the private that's practically in tears what a fucking muppet he is for assembling his standard issue pistol without a fucking magazine loaded into it.
that's what you want.
someone resilient. capable of overcoming tragedy, of finding purpose even when there really isn't anything to live for. the drive of bettering yourself, of not fucking it up, of being able to breathe easy and get out of a corner even when the path ahead is just more of the unknown.
unable to die.
"ever thought of being a father, lieutenant?"
he laughs, bitterly, licking the pad of his thumb before rubbing at a spot on the scope of his rifle.
"fuckin' hate kids," he mutters. "loud. dirty." he grunts. "besides. bloodline dies with me. don't need anymore fuckin' rileys mucking up this place."
you bite your lip. it's not the worst reason you've ever heard. it's just too bad he's exactly the kind of baby daddy you're looking for.
"that's too bad, lieutenant," you purr, standing up. you pass by him, your hips swaying and brushing against his shoulder. it's enough of a touch that his gaze follows you as you leave, his eyes flickering to the curve of your ass as you leave. "you'd make such a good daddy."
the fuck?
it's hard to focus. you keep bending over in front of him; dropping papers, picking things up, leaning over desks just to make his face twitch under the mask. you're constantly in his line of sight, wearing the tightest fucking shirts he's ever seen. cleavage on display, definitely a violation of protocols that no one is enforcing, and it's making his head spin as you lick chocolate off your fingers and swipe it off the curve of your breast. he thinks you must be mad when you make eye contact with him and keep it as you slip two fingers into your mouth and suck.
the worst was when he was stuck in the back of a humvee with you. the back was packed, soldiers pressed together as they rode back to base. he was sweaty and exhausted, leaning his head back as the truck rattled along the dirt road. on a particularly rough bump, you bounced into his lap, ass pressed back against his pelvis. on instinct, one gloved hand caught you by the curve of your waist, and you hummed as you leaned back against him.
"sorry, lieutenant," you had cooed, in that soft, honeyed voice he hated. "am i hurting you?"
"fuck you, sergeant," he had snapped, but his growl was cut short when you arched your back a little, nestling your ass against the fucking hard rock in his pants.
"just happy to see me then?"
acckkk, a fucking fiend, you are. pressing up against him when you slip into line in front of him in the mess hall. asking him for help because your aim is off, just to look at him from over your shoulder and give him that smile. the absolute doe eyes you give him when he berates you for the hundredth time that day, just for you to mumble back, "oh...yes, of course, sir..."
ngghhh...and he's thinking about you. thinking about smoothing a hand down your back as he bends you over a desk. thinking about what it would be like if you climbed over him on his cot and sat your fat ass down onto his face. thinking about the sounds you'd make, the big, wet eyes you'd give him, how good you'd look in his bed and wearing his clothes and cumming on his cock--
"the fuck are y'doin' ta me?" he growls in your ear. you blink up at him, tilting your head back, leaning against his door.
"johnny said you were training, so i thought i'd wait for you. got something real important to talk to you about."
you smile at him innocently, ducking under his arm as you slink into his room. when he shuts the door, you spin around to face him again, giggling.
"there's something i want."
"out with it."
"something i need."
"fuckin' tolk then, yeah?"
"want a baby, lieutenant."
"yeah, right mad about tha', luv."
"want your baby."
he laughs, humorless, "be fuckin' honest."
but you are honest. you're honest when you smile wider, and you're honest when you turn around. you're honest when you bend over onto your forearms against the cot in his room, and you're honest when you shimmey your trousers just low enough, right under your ass, showing off the wet cunt you've had since watching his arms flex as he stacked boxes after breakfast.
he steps forward, leaning over, smoothing two big hands up your plush thighs before spreading your ass, watching your little hole pucker. he smirks, chuckling low.
"'f y'want t'be a riley so bad, don't need to 'ave m'baby, swee'eart," he murmurs, but the echo of his belt undoing clinks in the room anyways. you squirm a little when you hear the zipper of his pants.
"but i want it," you whine, and you slide your arms out in front of you, pressing back against him as you grip the thin sheets on his bed. "i want it!"
"shhhhh," he scolds, gripping his cock with a calloused hand and shoving it between your thighs. you moan as he wets his cock along your folds, grinding slow, getting himself nice and slick. "y'want m'baby, swee'eart? wanna 'ave my cubs? gonna be bears, love. they're gonna split y'open, got such a little cunt."
you cry out, pressing back against him.
"want it! i want it!"
ghost chuckles again, laying over you, his weight pinning you down as he laces his fingers with yours. he's so big, you can feel him heavy and throbbing between your thighs. you need it, even if it doesn't take, even if he just takes you apart right now, you need it.
"you'll make such a good mama though," he mutters, mostly to himself. "fuck...you'll get so bloody nice and fat. nnghh..." he lets go of one of your hands to smack his paw against one side of your ass, gripping it tight and jiggling it. "every part of ya. right for the taking, luvvie. oll f'me."
he reaches down between you, notching the head at your entrance before sinking in easy. you're so wet now, dripping between your thighs, and he grunts as his hips meet your ass quick.
"tits'll get so big..." he smacks his lips together before giving you a heavy thrust. "fuckin' hell...takin' y'out afta this...gonna make you a fuckin' riley today. how's tha' sound, aye?"
you gurgle a little, a line of drool dribbling down your chin. he leans over, pushing his mask up, and he licks your spit off your face, his breath hot as he starts to pick up the pace, fucking into you quick.
"want y'just like this, every day," he growls in your ear. "in m'bed...spread out for me..." he sucks on the edge of your ear, making you cry. "gonna 'ave y'for oll three meals, swee'eart--fuck--until we know it takes."
you smile, your cheek smushed into the bed and rubbing raw against the sheets as he fucks into you from behind. his big hands squeeze your own, holding onto you tight, and you push back against him, your orgasm coming unexpectedly as he babbles in your ear about your tight cunt, your pretty face, the perfect place for him to empty his cock. it makes your vision go white, but you don't feel satiated until he holds his hips against you from behind and curses as he spills inside.
so creamy, slick and soft, but he refuses to waste a single drop. he keeps his pelvis against you, wrapping a forearm around your waist and yanking you up until your back meets his chest. you giggle, dizzy and a little drunk, leaning your head back against him.
"knew you'd fuck me," you mumble, sticking your tongue out, not satisfied until he leans down and kisses you, sucking your tongue into his mouth and kissing you wet and sloppy. he laughs, his chest rumbling, and you put your hands over his, scratching along his skin as he licks into your mouth.
"tha' right, luv? why's that?"
you giggle. "because i always get what i want, simon."
next
5K notes · View notes
allophonicmess · 4 months ago
Text
Too Sweet
Logan Howlett x fem!Reader
Act 1
Tumblr media
Remember that inspo I posed the other day? I coudn't let it go and decided to write a three part fic based on it.
Warnings: spoilers for Deadpool& Wolverine, descriptions of a panic attack, angst, implicaded age gap
word count 2k
No beta and English isn't my first language
there will be fluff later on but sadness first:
Too Sweet
Logan felt a great mix of emotions since he had followed that red-ass clown Wade into this universe. Most of it was anger, confusion, rage… But In that moment as he was sat on the black beat-up couch among Wade’s friends… He was overwhelmed.
Not by sensory overload, although that casserole that blind Al had made did stink up the place with garlic-
He was overwhelmed by the feeling of happiness, joy and companionship of the people around him. He hadn’t felt that way in ages if he ever did at all. He never felt that way with his team before everything happened.
He liked them, sure. But this company of weirdos shared a Kinmenship he never got to experience.
“Hey, Peanut! Are you angrily staring off into space to allow for good exposition?” Wade had plopped down on the couch right next to him. His jeans-clad thigh rubbed right up to his. At this point, Logan had given up on trying to keep him out of his personal space.
The older man frowned and stared at Wade next to him. His beer was getting warm but he didn’t feel like giving up his spot on the couch.
“The fuck are you talking about?” He huffed, taking another sip of his beer. But Wade just clicked his tongue, scooting even closer to Wolverine.
“Aww, you know what I mean! You are big and gruff and don’t talk that much… It’s kinda hard to capture you in writing you know. There are only so many words in the English language to describe your grunting and-“
“Are you done?” Logan sighed, finishing his drink. He was starting to regret coming with Wade. Getting drunk in some shit hole of a bar sounded better than listening to Wade's babbling.
“See! That’s what I mean. Sigh is nice, sure but it doesn’t quite capture the nature of those beautiful noses you make, big boy.” Wade petted Logan's thigh, which the older man quickly pulled away as he stood up abruptly.
“Jesus fucking- Can’t you annoy someone else? You got all of these muppets to talk to. Stop bothering me god damn it.” Logan placed the empty bottle down on the couch table. He scanned the room, looking for someone else that Wade could annoy to death. His eyes landed on the brunette… Vanessa… He knew that something had been going on between Wade and her. He never told him the details but from the pining look Wade gave her and the sad as fuck sighs he made, it was clear that the motherfucker wasn’t over her.
“Go and talk to the girl for god's sake. She might be the only one here to appreciate it.” He grinned at Wade, enjoying how his stupid grin faltered even for just a second. He leaned down on Wade's level, whispering to him in an overly joyous manner. “It might even get you laid.”
They stared at each other for a hot minute. Both men tying to provoke the other into action. But Logan was getting bored so he pushed “I might try if you don’t have the balls-“
“Fine!” It came out way too loud. Wade got up quickly trying to keep up his jolly attitude. “Fine, I will. But not because you said so.”
“Or threatened you.”
“You didn’t threaten me.”
“Sure, if you need to believe that” Logan got back onto the couch, now stretching out lazily across it. He closed his eyes, pretending to snooze.
There was no witty comeback, which surprised Logan. But it only came to show that Wade was serious for once.
Logan would never tell but he warmed up to Deadpool. He respected the man, despite his annoying and borderline brain-rotting bad humour. But he had principles. He cared for those around him, loved them dearly and would do anything to protect them. He did in fact. Logan spread out on his worn leather sofa is proof of it. He hated to admit it but Wade was the better man of the two. He didn’t let those he loves down, running away like the drunk asshole Logan is. Wade would have come to help her, would have-
The obnoxiously loud ringing of Wade’s apartment doorbell ripped Logan out of his self-deprecating talk. He blinked against the bright ceiling light and watched as Wade sighed softly. He had just started his conversation with Vanessa and it seemed to be quite a good talk from the looks of it. He seemed frustrated to be ripped away from it. Wade nodded softly, towards Vanessa, excusing himself but he was stopped by Colossus.
“No please Wade, I get it. You seem to be engaged in an interesting conversation.” The 7’5’’ metal man said, touching Wade by the shoulder to turn him back towards to woman. Logan huffed, he wasn’t the only one trying to get Wade laid.
The giant stomped towards the door, turning the doorknob that looked comically small in his silver hand to let the latecomer in.
“Hi! I’m so sorry for being late. I still had to finish some work. It’s the end of the semester, you know how it is.” A sweet voice called from outside.
Then two things happened at the same time. It was like a push and pull.
Ellie, Yukio, even that odd taxi driver… they all turned towards the door in excitement. Smiling and wooing at the woman that just entered the apartment with a cake carrier tucked under her arms.
Logan on the other hand? He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He sat there, staring as Colossus pulled her into a big hug, lifting her off the ground before taking the container off her hands to allow the others to greet her. She was smiling, laughing at some joke Ellie had cracked at her.
She looked younger. Maybe she was, who knows how time worked in this universe. Or it was the lack of stress she had to face, no heartbreak, no constant rejection from a bastard that couldn’t see that the best thing was right in front of him.
“Ah, there you are! We were starting to miss you!” Wade pulled her into a tight hug. He seemed to be content. And the older man cursed himself for even caring about it.
She hadn’t noticed him yet, or so he hoped. Maybe she didn’t know him. It would be for the best.
“Yeah, I already told Piotr, I had to finish some lesson planning at the academy before the school year is over.” She replied as she greeted Vanessa and the rest of the group.
“Oh right. You are the only one that actually knows what she’s doing at that school.” Wade joked, earning a playful remark from Colossus.
So she also studied at a human university before starting at the school, Logan noted. He was still stuck on the couch, feeling unable to move as he kept staring at her.
“You know her?” The sudden comment coming from right next to him made Logan flinch.
“Whoa, relax man. I just noticed you staring at her for like 5 min straight. And you don’t seem too happy about her being here.” Ellie stood next to him, casually watching the scene just as he did.
“None of your fucking business.” Logan managed to spit out. While he did get startled, the interruption helped him to finally feel able to move again. And it happened just at the right moment. He needed to get the fuck out of there.
Ellie just huffed, watching Logan get up on shaky legs. It could just be from the constant level of alcohol in Logan’s blood, making his knees weak, or the age. But she suspected that there was more.
Yet Logan’s attempt at a quiet escape was hindered by Piotr, calling him to come to the kitchen to introduce the two.
“Come to kitchen! I want you to meet my good friend Y/N. She also works at the school. You will like her”, the man sounds proud. He should be.
Logan ignored him, pushing his way through the small crowd with shaky steps. Why was he sweating for god's sake?
“Logan!”
“No” He called, breathing was getting harder again.
“Logan!”
“I’m good! I’m-“ He finally reached the door, rattling the doorknob and cursing that his fucking fingers got shaky. Everything was too loud and too hot and too-
“Wade, it’s fine. He doesn’t have to.“ She tried to stop the two men next to her from calling the man over. He was clearly in distress and it hurt her to watch him fumble on his way out. There were only so many people that were scared of her outside the battlefield.
She had met “their” Logan, but only briefly at some anniversary event. They had simply mismatched their time at the school. He left shortly after Y/N started working and they hadn’t met much. She wondered what the other her must have done to him to cause such a reaction.
Finally. Fucking finally. The door opened and Logan simply burst into the hallway, rushing down the steps to feel the air rush back into his lungs. A fucking embarrassment. That is what he was. The Wolverine scared shitless by a woman that doesn’t even know him.
But the other one did and it killed her.
“Logan, what in the ever-loving- fuck was that?” Wade had run after him. He just couldn’t leave it alone, could he?
“Fuck off.” Logan breathed weakly. He felt tears prickling in his eyes and it made him hate himself just a little bit more.
“You just running off? Scared of a girl?” Wade kept pushing, following Logan as he walked down the familiar street towards his bar of choice. That being the cheapest and quietest he could find in the city.
“Scared you can’t get one off? I don’t wanna make predictions but man, I think she is into the dark brooding type” he kept pushing “ Or you know what? If I can’t get Vanessa laid I might try with her, I mean she is quite-“
That made Logan snap. Turning around and impaling Wade against the closest wall. Both sets of claws out and push into the other man's torso. He only groaned in return.
“Don’t you fucking dare! Don’t you fucking-“
“Okay, okay, whoa ow… man-“ Wade coughed, lifting his hands in surrender. “ I was only joking man. Unfair. Fuck. I am unarmed-urgh”
Logan retracted the claws letting Wade drop to the floor. He knew the man was joking, he should. But it was all too fucking much too soon. He wouldn’t let it happen again. And how to best prevent the inevitable heartbreak? Don’t even let her get close, to begin with. She didn’t deserve it. She never did in the first place and he would do anything in his power to stop it from happening to her.
“So, you are just leaving me hanging? It’s your party too, you know.” Wade got up, inspecting the bloody holes that stained his new shirt. He cursed softy.  “Damn, it was brand new. Ruining a perfectly good shirt for the exposition”
“Don’t wait for me,” Logan said, turning away from Deadpool. A cheap bottle of whisky was waiting for him to calm his nerves and forget about that fucking stunt. He won’t see her again, not even talk to her or talk about her. It’s for the best. She would agree if she knew,  Logan was sure of it.
New requets for being added to the list via comments on the Masterlist post, please. That helps me to keep things organized :)
Do comment here for feedback and spreading some love ❤️
1K notes · View notes
propertyofwicked · 6 months ago
Text
HOT WINGS - LN
lando and his girlfriend take on the quadrant hot wings challenge
based on this request ✧ my inbox is open! ✧
warnings - literally none, quite short, some swearing. this is mainly just chaos if im completely honest
masterlist the playlist
Tumblr media
“ok guys we’re starting off easy - this is siracha, i believe,” max said, looking to lando and y/n who sat opposite him.
“easy? i get lemon and herb at nandos,” lando whined, but still taking a bite from the wing.
“lan it’s just siracha? that’s basically mayo?” y/n told him, staring in disbelief as she saw him wince at the spice.
“easy for you to say - you smother your food in it like there’s no tomorrow.”
“max just ask the question,” she prompted, ignoring her boyfriends complaints.
“ok bossy - erm, what was your first experience of motorsport?”
the two of them answered the questions as best as they could, max trying not to laugh harder with each spice increase. even y/n was struggling, but not as much as lando who was now turning red and standing up to walk off the pain.
“this is “da bomb” - 300,000 on the scoville scal- lando are you good?” max started, interrupting himself at the sight of lando ripping the lid off the ice cream tub.
“just ask the fucking question max,” lando shouted, whilst rubbing ice cream around his lips, “please.”
“you’ve gotta eat the chicken first you muppet,” y/n chimed in, holding out a wing with the tiniest amount of sauce on it.
“hold my hand,” he asked her, taking the wing from her before grabbing her hand and interlocking their fingers. his grip was tight, and it didn’t help that he remained stood up, so her arm was suspended in the air as they both took a bite of the chicken.
“hold my hand??” max said through his laughter, “you’re eating chicken not giving birth?”
“the pain is worse,” lando told him, quickly dodging the wing that y/n launched in the direction of his head.
“y/n - can you explain this photo for everyone please?” max asked, holding up his phone to show an image of her, fast asleep on his bathroom floor, shoes still on and her head using a box of fries and donner kebab as a pillow.
Tumblr media
“max fewtrell you PROMISED you’d never bring that picture up,” she shouted, covering her mouth as the spice travelled.
“answer the question.”
“i was drunk and tir- and oh my god is this sauce even legal?” she asked him quickly, sticking her tongue out to attempt to weaken the intensity.
“you know there’s still more, right?” he laughed at her, watching the way her arms reached out to lando. though she didn’t want him, she wanted the ice cream he was clutching to his chest, but he wouldn’t give it up.
“lando pass me the fucking ice cream or ill tell everyone that you cry when you cum”
“oh god please cut that out,” lando laughed, though giving up the ice cream quickly.
“no denying it though mate?” max laughed out, smacking his hand on the table.
“my mouth is in too much pain. should i be sweating? why am i sweating?” he continued, grabbing the bottle of milk in front of him.
“lando - can you explain what happened in this picture here?” max asked, holding up his phone once more.
Tumblr media
milk shot from lando’s mouth, spraying across the table and onto y/n as he saw the picture, laughter taking over.
“i’m just not cut out for cycling,” he said with a shrug, before downing another mouthful of milk.
“why was his picture so much nicer than mine?” y/n asked with a whine before shovelling more ice cream into her mouth.
“you always look good y/n,” lando tried to reassure her with a smile.
“shut the fuck up,” she replied, flinging a spoon of ice cream at him, melted slightly as it landed slap bang on his nose.
“i know you’re lashing out because of the spice but honestly that is quite refreshing,” he laughed at her, using the back of his hand to wipe the food away.
“ok - hell fire hot sauce, this one is 2 million on the scoville scale.”
“2 MILLION?” lando shouted at his friend, y/n mouth just opened in disbelief.
“it’s ok baby we’re almost done,” she told him, rubbing his shoulder softly.
“i can’t wait to feel my mouth again,” he replied, ignoring her affection slightly before turning to face her as he wiped the sweat off her forehead, “if you look like that i don’t want to imagine what i look like.”
“rude.”
the two of them took their final bites, trying to remain sitting still as the spice took over but with little success. y/n took to crouching down on the floor, clutching at lando’s arm as he laughed at her.
“y/n, final question - who is the best looking f1 driver?” max asked, looking between his friends with a grin.
“ever or current?”
“ever,” max told her as lando whipped his head round to stare at her intently, but she didn’t notice as she had turned her head to stare into the camera directly.
“jenson button i am asking for one chance,” y/n said bluntly, bringing her hands into a prayer.
“jens- Y/N?? are you kidding me right now?”
“he’s a good looking man what can i say,” she replied with a shrug, smiling wickedly at her boyfriend, “at least he doesn’t have ice cream running down his face right now.”
“what about current drivers?” lando asked her, attempting to remain composed despite the fire burning through his mouth. she turned her head to the camera again, slowly.
“fernando alonso i am asking for one chanc-”
“FERNANDO?” lando shouted, milk spilling down his top once more, “when my mouth doesn’t feel like literal hell we are so breaking up.”
“but if someone asked you who the best looking member of quadrant was you wouldn’t say me,” she retorted before taking a spoonful of ice cream.
“well no id have to say max.”
“exactly.”
“y/n don’t be silly - look at him!” lando shouted back, hand extending to point at the man who was now wheezing in laughter, clutching at his sides.
2K notes · View notes
papaya-twinks · 5 months ago
Text
hard launch - l.n
Warnings: sexual innuendos
Pairing: Lando Norris x fem!reader
“Lando, what the fuck have you done?” you groaned as your boyfriend walked into room. “What have I done this time?” he huffed, sitting beside you on the bed, pressing a kiss to your cheek.  “Oh don’t give me that,” you grumbled, not pushing him away as he huffed. “Y/N,”he whined, “I didn’t do anything, not this time anyways,”. You muttered something incoherent as he raised an eyebrow.
 “Don’t mutter,” he warned, a statement Lando usually said when you mumbled under your breath. “You muppet, look,” uni grabbed his wrist, tugging his sleeve back and showing him his arm. Lando raised an eyebrow, staring at the assortment of beaded bracelet adorning his wrist. “Your point?” has asked, cocking his head. Your finger intertwined with the top bracelet, the name ‘Y/N’ etched on it. 
“Everyone saw it! When you did autographs,” you said. “Shit,” Lando gasped, hand on his mouth - your relationship was supposed to be secret. “Lan, social’s gone crazy about it,” you huffed, your boyfriend turning a shade of red at his own stupidity. “I’m so dumb,” he groaned, his head on your shoulder as he rubbed his face, pinching the bridge of his nose, a tired expression across his face. 
“We’ve kept it a secret for a while,” you shrugged, your hand coming to draw small circles on his arm, his tense muscles relaxing with your touch. “What you saying?” he mumbled into your skin, head buried into the crook of your neck. “Maybe…maybe it’s time tell the world,” you said quietly, Lando’s gaze raising to meet yours. 
“You think so?” he said, a small smile etched across his pretty features. “Yeah,” you nodded, a grin on your face as he nestled back into you. “Soft launch?” he asked, hand intertwining with yours as he shrugged his hoodie off, resting on you as you rubbed soothing circles across his back and arm. “Hard launch, of course. What kinda person do you take me for?” you scrunched your nose as he snorted. 
“Yeah, yeah,” Lando rolled his eyes, shaking his head at your dramatic expression. “You do it,” he said, ‘you do the hard launch,”. You nodded, taking your phone out as he leaned forwards to peek at your device, staring at the words you typed. 
y/n
Tumblr media
liked by lily.mhe, alexalbon, landonorris and 256,441 others 
caption: so im, like, dating him and stuff like 😁
landonorris: like yeah basically im kinda into u 
-> y/n: boomer 
landonorris: PLEASE 😫 JUST 💞 ONE 1️⃣ CHANCE 🐺
-> charlesleclerc: lando’s the alpha, confirmed?
user1: how has Lando pulled such a fittie tho let’s be real 
-> y/n: Carlos wasn’t free 
-> landonorris: let’s be real, u were screaming when I was balls deep in u last night 
-> mclaren: Lando. We would like to see you for PR training. 
user2: bro, Lando’s in Woking pr jail 💀
landonorris: Y/N 😳 PLEASE 🙏 ILL 🧼 GET 😏 ON 💓 MY 🐺 HANDS 🙌 AND 💞 KNEES 🧎 FOR  😄 YOU 🤓 JUST 😤 ONE 1️⃣ CHANCE 😳
-> y/n: lando. stop. im taken 🙁
-> landonorris: by WHO 
-> lilymhe: me 
-> carmenmundt: me 
-> kika.gomes: me
-> landonorris: all of u suck and r irrelevant 
landonorris: I love uuuuuuu ❤️❤️❤️❤️
-> danielricciardo: I love u too 🥹
-> y/n: @/danielricciardo FUCK U BITCH
-> danielricciardo: can’t hear u over Lando screaming and moaning in my ear 😼
-> y/n: I hate u 💔
630 notes · View notes