#longest ask response ever 2023

[saltymongoose]

Cont. From This Post. (@cosmica-galaxy Hey, here you go lmao <3)

[This part contains: Bandits, MERC, the Nexus Core, Fanatics, N51, and Demoniacs]

To continue from where we left off when it comes to the Bandits, it would do well for the Player to be very hesitant on interacting with them. They're cannibalistic and violent, in addition to being the first to attack whenever they catch a glimpse of the Player's unofficial bodyguards. (Though that might be for the best, with Hank as their opponent.) In this way, it's unlikely for the Player to have much of a motive to get closer to them; the boys are so protective that a situation where they'd actually be able to befriend one of the more nonviolent members probably won't occur without serious effort.

In the same vein, the Bandits know very little about the Player, and they probably don't have much of an interest in them at the moment anyway. Typically their thoughts are more centered on their own survival and where their next meal is going to come from, which leaves little room for thoughts of an otherworldly being impacting their lives directly. If anything, they're more startled by the Player's entourage than the reason the SQ agents are in the area. Due to this, it would be difficult for the Player to form much of a bond with them simply because they won't cross paths very often. (And they would also probably be fearful if they did; the Bandits do not want to end up as additional victims of the wanted criminals that protect the Player.)

As of this moment in the story, the members of MERC are also in the same camp of not knowing about the Player - save for one person: Sheriff. Christoff has mentioned this "Player" to him once or twice, and while his words have been exceedingly positive (and almost idolizing) when discussing them, the Sheriff doesn’t know very much beyond what the Savior had told him. As a result, he himself thinks kindly of them, but not from his own experience. However, because he doesn’t know much about the Player, he never bothered to divulge such information with the others in MERC.

The Player, at this point in time, knows far more about them than vice versa, which makes them more likely to go out of their way to befriend them. Plus, it’s not like those in MERC are inherently hostile like with the Vamps or Bandits, and they have no real reason to go after the Player (save for their mission to interfere with Hank, Deimos, and Sanford getting into the city). So long as Sheriff and Jeb have a good relationship with the Player, the MERC members will have ample opportunity to make friendships with the otherworldly being in question. (Unless the SQ's leader and agents get in the way.)

Regarding what remains of the Nexus Core, they still follow Phobos' orders, which means that they probably will be hostile to the Player because of their choice in company (the SQ and Dr. Christoff). Even if the last thing that Phobos would ever want is for the Player to be harmed by his own organization (that just reflects horribly on him), he never actually made his people aware that the Player exists, which leads to this situation. The Player also has no motive to get in the way of the boys' mission to put a stop to Project Nexus, which would naturally puts them at odds with the Nexus Core anyway.

As a result, it is in the Player's best interest to avoid the Nexus Core's remaining personnel, which doesn't leave much room for bonds or friendships. While it is possible for some of their members to act cordially around them if the boys aren't around, I would say that it isn't worth the potential risk. Luckily the NC being unaware of the Player's existence means that they won't immediately go after them, but they're certainly not as open to outside partnerships of any kind at this point. They still have a project to complete, after all.

Crackpot's Fanatic faction is an interesting one; they're physically separated from most other Nevadans and almost entirely absorbed by their obsessions with buoyancy and Zeds, which means the chances of them knowing about the Player's significance are extremely small. The only way that the Fanatics would have their interests piqued is if one of them happened to see the Player exorcising some of their abilities (which is possible) - at which point, the Player would also probably end up as an object of their fascination. (Especially if the Fanatics happen to see them using their cheat that enables levitating. 😬)

As a result, the Fanatics' purpose for trying to get close to the Player isn't exactly for friendship itself, although it could turn into this with enough effort. Another likely result is for them to start worshiping the Player much like they do Crackpot instead (which their existing vessels would loathe, but that's a given). Regarding Crackpot himself, as detailed in previous posts, he might also try to use the Player for his own benefit given how power-hungry he is, but there is a chance that they can form something more genuine with him. If they're willing to put up with his self-grandeur, of course.

To get more on the Player's side of things, their curiosity might drive them to investigate the Fanatics more. The group's behavior is questionable, but there is a lot about them that remains unknown to those who play the game, so there's always that avenue to explore. Plus, seeing how Crackpot interacts with people who give him the respect he's always felt he deserved would also be intriguing. Again, if they're willing to put up with all the weirdness that comes with being close to the Fanatics and their leader.

Moving on to the N51, it's one of the most mysterious groups in Nevada, especially from the Player's standpoint. They're a faction that wasn't even created by Mr. K, so they're definitely pretty unique, even if they don't play a huge role in the Arena Mode storyline. I can see the Player having an immense interest in them as a big fan of Madcom (especially if they keep up with the communities' fan projects), so they'll probably want to dig deeper into the organization. However, they would probably have great difficulty with that, considering that the N51 is a covert group.

That being said though, the N51 is shown as hunting for tech related to the more powerful forces of Madcom's universe, like the AAHW, NC, and even The Machine. I would presume they do so because they want to know more about the Employers, enmeshment, etc. but truthfully their reasoning for this is unknown. What this does tell us though is that there is a chance they would be interested in the Player's existence primarily because they're a supernatural being of unknown origin - and a very powerful one at that. Whether this attention would be good for the Player or not is another matter.

Finally, we have the Demoniacs. These guys worship Stygian, and they have little to no contact with any other factions, which already cuts down the chances of them hearing about the Player to almost zero. Their interest in the supernatural is really limited only to their chosen Employer, and as such, they don't have much incentive to seek out information about the Player either. However, if Stygian decides to order the Demoniacs pursue information about them, it's not like the cult would ever consider refusing. There are uses to having fiendishly devout worshipers, and Stygian knows this very well.

The Player would also be aware of the Demoniac's servitude towards the Employer from their experience playing the game, and as a result, would probably seek to avoid them the same way they avoid the AAHW. They're very low on the scale of potential friendship, if only because of their affiliation with Stygian.

Aaand I think that's it if we're talking about faction relations lmao. Though do let me know if I missed any groups, and I'll be happy to discuss them as always. 👍 :)

[astaldis]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love ❤

Thank you very much for the ask, @valandhirwriter!

This is a really tough question, it's almost like having to decide whether I love my son or my daughter more 🙈, impossible. But maybe some fics are a bit special for other reasons.

So, here they are: Let's start with the fic that brought me back into writing fanfic after more than 15 years of neither writing nor reading any at all, my very first Witcher fic:

Ashes to Ashes:

At the end of the Battle of Sodden Hill, a distressed Cahir looks at the burning forest. (Published: 2020-10-12; Words: 417; Chapters: 1/1). (I'm a bit proud of it, too, because it has some nice alliterations and other stylistic devices, I think)

This here is my longest fic so far, although it was supposed to have only 5 chapters. Then along came a couple of nice prompt events and it ended up with 18 🙈:

To kill or not to kill

On Thanedd Ciri is cornered by the black knight of her nightmares. And really wants to kill the man who, in her mind, is responsible for all the bad things that have happened to her, for everything she has lost. Wants to shove her sword through his throat until his feathers are soaked in blood...

This is the story of how Cahir comes to join Geralt's company (Cahir's POV, mix of books and S1-2 of the Netflix series, spoilers for Baptism of Fire, might have spoilers for S4, Published: 2022-08-05; Completed: 2023-04-08; Words: 58,316; Chapters: 18/18)

And the first ever fic I wrote for a prompt event, the Witcher Trick or Treat 2022. I was pretty proud that I managed to use all 11 prompts in one story in the correct order of the prompts and on the precise day. It was a lot of fun to write with some humour, a little whump, a pinch of smut and a scary monster song by our favourite bard:

Creatures of the Night

While Geralt's Hanza is staying in Beauclair, the famous fall event is coming up. An event the Witcher cannot refuse to take part in, even though he does have to dress up for it. However, not everything goes as planned and the members of the Hanza are in for some surprises. Blame it on the grape punch. Or is it the bard's fault after all? (Published: 2022-10-01; Completed: 2022-11-11; Words: 22,898; Chapters: 14/14)

Another first, my very first smut fic. No idea if it's any good, but I like it - well, it's Jaskier/Mermaid 🧜‍♀️ 🌊 😅.

Shimmering Scales and Stormy Seas

This is the story of Jaskier's first time. Decide yourself if it is true or just a tall tale. (Published: 2023-05-13; Words: 800; Chapters: 1/1)

Last but not least, there is my first crack fic. The little plot bunny came to me in the middle of the night, no idea where from. I find it pretty funny:

What?!

During their stay at Beauclair Castle, Geralt's Hansa play a game of cards. It soon turns out that not all the Hansa members enjoy it equally much, although Regis claims that it is both entertaining and enlightening. At least, Angoulême is having fun. (Published: 2023-02-26; Words: 1,125; Chapters: 1/1)

Other stories are also special for the one or other reason, but, alas, it's already 5. So, this is it for today. Have fun reading!

[nerdzzone]

Bubbles, Bedtime & Bliss

Summary: Chris comes home after a month away to Madeline and Grace who are eager for some time together as a family.

Part of the Back To You series

-----

February 2023

“Daddy!” Grace grinned as she toddled over to the door. “Hi!”

Her enthusiasm and her bouncy little baby jog had a smile sliding onto Madeline’s face as she hung back to watch the reunion that was about to happen. Her body itched to follow her and race into Chris’ arms as well, but she wanted to give Grace her moment and let her greet him first. Dodger, however, didn’t have the same restraint and Grace wobbled slightly as he barreled past her. The sound of Chris’ laughter echoed around the room as he half-heartedly scolded the dog who’d immediately jumped up to say hello, but after letting him get in a few happy licks and giving him a few scratches behind his ears, Chris moved him out of the way with a firm warning to sit so he could squat down and hold his arms out for Grace.

“Hi, Gracie! I missed you!”

“Miss you!” Grace cheered back, reaching to wrap her arms around his neck. “Up!”

Chris didn't need to be asked twice as he lifted her into his arms and stood up while Grace immediately snuggled in close. Just seeing them together again was a heartwarming sight for Madeline, but the look of pure joy and adoration on Chris’ face as he closed his eyes and soaked in the feeling that she knew he’d missed was almost too much for her to handle. He’d only been gone for about a month - definitely not the longest he’d ever been away - but she knew he worried every time that Grace would forget who he was or be shy and nervous around him when he came home. But so far Grace had proved to be very resilient and every time they’d reunited had been a very happy occasion.

“How’re you doing?” Chris posed the question to Grace after taking a moment to simply enjoy her embrace, but he only received a mumbled ‘good’ in response as she was too busy soaking up the cuddles that she’d so desperately missed. He was happy to oblige, but Madeline’s anticipation built as he posed another question. “Should we go say hi to your Ma too?”

That question earned a more enthusiastic response as Grace leaned back enough for him to see her nodding her head.

“Mama sad.”

It was endearing how quickly Chris’ face creased with worry, but Madeline simply shrugged when he looked over towards her for more of an explanation.

“Mama was sad?” Chris asked Grace when he realized that Madeline had no more information for him. “Why?”

“Daddy gone,” Grace informed him. “Mama sad.”

“Oh,” Madeline groaned as a rush of understanding hit her. “Did Mama get sad today because Daddy was gone or did Mama get sad today because Gracie wasn’t listening?”

The clarification had Grace’s lips twitching into a hint of a smirk before she slowly shook her head.

“Daddy gone,” she insisted. “Mama sad.”

“I don’t think so,” Madeline smiled before filling Chris in. “Someone had some trouble listening when we were getting ready this morning and I made a comment about how it was making me frustrated and sad and she started telling me ‘home soon, daddy home soon’ so I guess that’s what she thought I meant.”

“Well, duh,” Chris smirked. “Because obviously your lack of patience must have stemmed from your own issues and would never be Gracie’s fault.”

Despite knowing that she wouldn’t have been able to understand exactly what they’d just said, Grace’s attention was caught by the end of Chris’ sentence as she nodded in agreement.

“No fault.”

Her input had Chris letting out another chuckle as he shook his head before pressing a kiss against her cheek.

“Oh, Gracie,” he smiled. “I missed you.”

Grace murmured another soft “miss you” back before burying her face into Chris’ neck as he finally moved across the room towards Madeline. She managed to continue controlling herself long enough to resist the urge to throw herself into his arms the way their daughter had, but a soft sigh of relief slipped through Madeline’s lips when Chris finally got close enough to slide his free arm around her waist.

“I also missed you,” she informed him, relaxing into the little family hug. “I’m glad you’re home.”

Eagerly agreeing, Chris leaned down to press a kiss against Madeline’s hair, but almost immediately Grace let out a whine of protest at the affection that didn’t involve her.

“Gracie too,” she demanded, pointing to her cheek. “Kiss!’

“Don’t worry,” Chris assured her, pressing his lips against her cheek as requested. “I’ve got enough kisses for both of you.”

“Yeah, Gracie,” Madeline agreed, stretching up to press a kiss against Chris’ jaw. “You have to share.”

They watched as her eyes shifted into a suspicious glare before a sigh and a reluctant agreement fell from her lips. Her attitude had Chris and Madeline both biting back a smile and Madeline couldn’t resist pressing a kiss against her chubby little cheeks too.

“Have you eaten?” She asked Chris as she slipped out of his grasp. “We just finished up dinner, but I can make you something if you’re hungry.”

“No, I’m good,” Chris assured her. “I ate on the plane so I wouldn’t interrupt the bedtime routine too much.”

His consideration had Madeline’s heart filling with warmth once again and she flashed him an appreciative smile.

“Perfect because you’re home just in time for bath time,” Madeline informed him. “Do you want Daddy to give you a bath tonight, Gracie?”

The cheer that Grace let out was a clear and enthusiastic confirmation and Madeline was relieved that the novelty of having her dad around had made Grace more amenable to the part of bedtime that she usually hated the most. She followed Chris as he carried Grace into the bathroom, letting him take the lead as he was clearly happy to jump right back into his dad duties as he sat her on the counter before kneeling down to open the cupboards under the sink. 

“Which kind of bubbles do you want?” He asked, showing her two bottles of bubble bath. “Strawberry or watermelon?”

“Um…” Grace’s brow creased in concentration as she pondered her choices before a grin slid onto her face. “Water-lemon!”

Her mispronunciation earned a chuckle from both of her parents, but neither of them corrected her as Chris stood up from where he’d been crouched to start running the bath. Madeline moved closer to keep Grace steady and make sure she didn’t slip off the counter, but her attention was fixated on Chris. She watched as he tested the water, making sure it was the perfect temperature before adding the soap and then he moved back to the cupboard to pull out the basket of bath toys that were the only thing that made bath time tolerable for Grace. Even after a month away, he slipped effortlessly back into their routine and the sight of him maneuvering around the bathroom filled Madeline with comfort.

Once the bath was ready, she helped Grace slip out of her clothes and carefully settled her in the warm water surrounded by bubbles before sitting on the closed toilet seat to leave room for Chris to sit on the floor beside the tub. Grace immediately searched through the bubbles for the toys, but one that floated to the surface caught Chris’ attention.

“Hey, who’s this guy?” He asked, scooping a purple rubber duck out of the water. “I don’t remember him.”

Grace glanced away from where she was collecting the other various animals swimming around her and a grin slid onto her face at the sight of what Chris was holding.

“Ducky!”

“Is that his name?”

Grace nodded and Madeline reached to take the little duck out of Chris’ hand.

“Should we show Daddy how he works?”

The question had Chris looking intrigued as Grace eagerly voiced her agreement. She stretched out her little hands to grab the toy and Madeline let her help submerge it under the water as she squeezed it tightly. As they released it to fill it with water, Madeline took her hands away to let Grace demonstrate her newest toy, but before she had the chance to remind her to be careful where she was aiming, Grace pointed the duck in Chris’ direction and squirted the water directly in his face.

It was a move that shocked them all and the way he gasped and sputtered had Madeline immediately dissolving into giggles, her amusement only growing as Grace appeared to be just as stunned as Chris.

“Oopsie!”

The exclamation came with eyes wide and her genuinely remorseful expression had Chris flashing her a smile as he wiped his face with his shirt.

“It’s okay, Gracie,” he assured her. “But let’s be careful where we shoot that thing, okay?”

Grace nodded, but as Madeline was still struggling to control her laughter, Chris shot her a playful glare.

“It wasn’t that funny,” he argued. “You’re setting a bad example, Maddie.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.”

Madeline gasped for breath through her seemingly endless giggles, but the image of his shocked face was stuck in her mind and made it hard for her to pull herself together. She reached up a hand to wipe away the tears of laughter in her eyes, but as her vision was obscured she didn’t see Chris take the duck into his own hands before she felt a stream of water dousing her. Letting out a shriek of surprise, Madeline desperately tried to shield herself from the far more forceful and long lasting blast than the one that hit Chris, but his strategy did work to put an end to her laughter as she stared at him with her jaw dropped as water dripped from her face.

“Wow,” she scoffed. “Now who’s setting a bad example?”

“It’s called retribution,” Chris smirked. “It’s an important lesson.”

His words had Madeline letting out a reluctant snort of laughter, but the way that Grace was scowling told them she was less amused.

“No, daddy,” she scolded him. “Daddy bad.”

“Thank you, Gracie. That wasn’t nice, was it?” Madeline smiled at her daughter’s support. “I think Daddy owes me an apology.”

“I’m sorry,” Chris quickly conceded despite his lingering smug expression, reaching behind him to pull a towel off the rack. “Here, let me help you.”

He stretched up to gently wipe the water from her face and she smiled at his tenderness, following his hand when it moved back until she was leaning far enough forward to press her lips against his. It was a sensation she’d missed while he was away and it would have been almost too easy for her to get lost in the moment had Grace’s little voice not interrupted as she demanded - the same way she had earlier - for a kiss of her own. As always, Chris was happy to oblige despite the air of reluctance as he pulled away from Madeline and he leaned in to kiss her forehead before settling into the rest of the bath time routine.

Grace reintroduced Chris to all her favourite bath toys, Madeline helped her make a beard out of the bubbles and took a picture of her matching with Daddy to Grace’s endless amusement and Chris washed Grace’s hair so gently and with so much care not to get even a drop of water on her face that Madeline’s heart felt it might just burst in her chest. To most people it probably would seem mundane and even for their family, bath time was usually more of a struggle than a time to relax, but having Chris home made even the most boring tasks feel enjoyable.

Once bath time was over and Grace was wrapped tightly in her favourite towel, Madeline suggested that Chris handle bedtime while she cleaned up the mess in the kitchen from dinner. Her plan served two purposes as she thought it would be nice for Chris and Grace to have a little time by themselves and she knew that if she got the cleaning out of the way early it would leave more time for her and Chris to relax together once Grace was asleep. Chris agreed and scooped Grace into his arms, letting Madeline say a quick goodnight before he carried her down the hallway to her bedroom, already discussing which story she’d like to read before bed.

-

It wasn’t until the quiet hum of the dishwasher filled the kitchen that Madeline realized how long Chris had been gone. It wasn’t entirely surprising due to how excited Grace was that he was home and how she would therefore be much more resistant to falling asleep and missing even a moment of time with her dad, but considering the excitement had led to her having an incredibly short nap earlier that day, Madeline worried about the potential of her being overtired and impossible to put to bed. After taking another moment to wipe an earlier forgotten spill off the counter as she waited for Chris to appear, she crept out of the kitchen to check on how the bedtime routine was going.

When she got to the hallway outside Grace’s bedroom and heard the sound of Chris singing in the soft and low tone that he seemed to save just for lullabies, she braced herself to find a cranky and stubborn toddler who was fighting sleep at all costs. However, when she nudged open the door, she was greeted by the heartwarming sight of Chris holding a soundly sleeping Grace against his chest as he gently walked around the room, rocking her as he sang.

“Hi,” Madeline smiled, keeping her voice quiet so she wouldn’t disturb Grace. “Is she sleeping?”

So wrapped up in Grace that he didn’t hear her enter the room, Chris startled slightly at the sound of her voice but as he turned to look at her the emotion was clear on his face.

“Yeah, she is,” he nodded, the smile on his face matching Madeline’s. “She was pretty exhausted.”

“I know, all the excitement of Daddy coming home really wore her out, but I was worried that she’d be too exhausted and give you some trouble.”

“Nah, she was an angel,” Chris assured her. “She did talk me into reading an extra story, but I don’t think I took too much convincing.”

Biting back a laugh so she wouldn’t wake Grace, Madeline shrugged her shoulders.

“She’s a great negotiator, you didn’t really stand a chance.” Her comment earned a chuckle from Chris, but Madeline was surprised that even the shake of his shoulders didn’t stir Grace. “She seems like she’s sleeping pretty deeply, you can probably put her in her bed now.”

“I know,” Chris admitted, a sheepish hint creeping into his smile. “But I think I’ll hold her for a little bit longer, if that’s okay?”

As if the sight of Chris with Grace’s little arms draped over his shoulders as she slept against his chest hadn’t been heart melting enough, that question almost brought tears to Madeline’s eyes.

“Of course,” she nodded. “There’s no rush.”

Chris flashed her a smile before turning his attention back to the toddler in his arms and pressing a kiss against her head. Not wanting to intrude on their little father-daughter moment, Madeline slipped away with her heart feeling very full. She headed into their bedroom, ready to relax after a long day filled with excitement and anticipation, but once she had changed into her pajamas and curled up on the bed to wait for Chris, she found herself growing impatient.

The book she was currently reading sat open on her lap, but she couldn’t seem to focus on it. After reading the same sentence at least seven times and still not retaining what it said, she gave up pretending to pay any attention to it and let her eyes drift to the door as she hoped every little creak she heard was Chris walking towards their bedroom. She was happy for both Chris and Grace that they got to spend a little time together - she knew the time apart was hard on both of them - and she was happy to wait until Chris had soaked up as many Grace cuddles as he wanted, but she really had missed him too and was eager to have him to herself.

When she heard the unmistakable sound of his footsteps in the hallway and saw the door slowly start to swing open, she felt a twinge of embarrassment at how giddy she was at the thought of spending time with him.

“Hi,” she greeted him, knowing her happiness at his presence was written all over her face. “Is she still asleep?”

“She is,” Chris nodded, matching the smile that was stretched across Madeline’s face. “And she’s safely tucked in bed. Even though, I probably could have stayed in there holding her all night.”

“I don’t blame you. She’s pretty sweet, especially when she’s asleep.”

Chuckling at her observation, Chris nodded in agreement as he took in the sight of Madeline already curled up in one of his old sweatshirts and nothing else. Inspired by her comfy attire, he wasted no time ridding himself of his own clothes - still stale from the flight home - before digging through his drawer.

“Is your suitcase still by the door?” Madeline asked, watching him nod as he slipped into the pair of loose sweatpants he’d found. “Okay, I can throw some laundry in tomorrow. Grace has some stuff that needs washing too.”

“I can do it.”

Chris accompanied the words with a shrug as he crawled onto the bed to lay beside her, but Madeline smirked as she quickly rolled over to wrap herself around him - her arms sliding around his neck as she almost instinctively intertwined her legs with his.

“I know you can, but will you?” She questioned. “Or will you leave all your clothes sitting in your suitcase for weeks until you need it again like you did last time?”

“Hey now,” Chris murmured, pulling her tight against his body, apparently as eager for the physical connection as Madeline was. “Can you blame me for getting hopelessly distracted every time I get home? I get so excited to see my girls that laundry is the last thing on my mind.”

“I guess that’s understandable,” Madeline decided with a playful roll of her eyes. Her attitude had Chris chuckling as he dipped his head down to capture her lips with his own and the sensation had a flush of contentment washing over Madeline as she soaked in the feel of his lips that she’d missed so desperately until she pulled away and let out a happy sigh. “We really did miss you. January felt like it lasted forever.”

“It was a long one,” Chris agreed, sliding his hand up to rub gently against the side of her thigh. “But how were things here?”

“Busy,” Madeline admitted. “But we survived.”

Chris cringed at her honest response as a guilty look slid onto his face.

“Is it harder now that she's getting older?”

“In some ways, but in some ways it's easier,” Madeline assured him. “And, to be honest, we’re pretty lucky. Most of the time she’s a pretty easy kid.”

“Maybe when she’s not being sassy and stubborn.”

Despite sounding critical, his comment was said with a proud smile and Madeline knew that Chris embraced all of Grace’s traits - including the ones that were harder to deal with - just as much as she did.

“I know, but I like that she’s sassy,” Madeline admitted. “I know it’ll get harder when she’s older, but it’s so hard not to laugh sometimes. Like, she gives me this look when I ask her to do something where it’s so clear that she thinks I’m being ridiculous and when I finally convince her to listen to me, she makes such a big show of doing it begrudgingly. I swear she’s like two going on twenty some days.”

“I know the face you’re talking about,” Chris chuckled as he nodded in agreement. “When I suggested we only read one bedtime story earlier, the look she gave me screamed ‘are you serious?’, but as I said I was powerless to resist.”

“That’s the one,” Madeline giggled. “It gets easier to resist the more often you see it.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to resist it,” Chris sighed as the smile on his face faltered slightly. “I’ve got too much guilt about leaving her all the time to not just give her everything she wants whenever I’m home.”

His words made Madeline’s heart feel heavy in her chest as she slid her hand over to cup his cheek, forcing his gaze to meet hers as she reassured him.

“You don’t need to feel guilty about anything,” she insisted. “Gracie loves you so much and you’re an amazing dad.”

“I try my best, but floating in and out is hard, especially right now. She’s changing so much and growing so quick, I feel like I have so much to learn about her every time I get home.”

In a way, there was some truth to his words. With her second birthday looming in just a few weeks, Grace seemed to develop new skills and grow her ability to communicate more and more every day. She was hitting new milestones all the time and sometimes even Madeline felt like she couldn’t keep up with how fast she was growing up despite seeing it all unfold right before her eyes. Even though they were incredibly meticulous about phone calls and video chats while he was away, there was a lot to catch up on whenever he came home, but Chris had always taken it in stride.

“I think you’re being a little hard on yourself,” Madeline assured him, letting her thumb brush gently across his cheek. “You had no trouble slipping back into it with Gracie tonight. It was like you never left, wasn’t it? You know how to talk to her, you know what she likes and what irritates her, you two have such a strong connection and I don’t think any amount of time apart will change that.”

She watched as her words seemed to ease the tension that was creased across Chris’ face and a smile slid onto her face as he ducked his chin to nuzzle against her cheek, but his next words had her expression shifting into a frown.

“I appreciate that,” he murmured against her skin. “But I feel guilty about leaving you too. I know it’s unfair that I basically force you to be a single parent all the time.”

“Chris…” Madeline’s disappointment shined through in her tone, but the sound only made Chris bury his face even deeper between hers and the pillow below beside them. “Where is all this coming from?”

“I’ve just been getting in my head about it lately,” he admitted, his breath soft against her skin as he spoke. “I worry that I’m not pulling my weight around here, I feel like I should be home more.”

There had been a moment around the time that they found out that Madeline was pregnant that Chris had toyed with the idea of taking a break from acting to prioritize their family so she knew that his desire to be more engaged at home wasn’t new. However, while it was an easy thing to think about during the pandemic when all his projects were on hold, it was a less appealing idea when things started to open up again and it wasn’t a sacrifice that Madeline was eager for him to make. While being a parent definitely meant putting your kid’s needs often above your own, Madeline felt fairly confident that miserable, unsatisfied parents would end up raising miserable, unsatisfied kids and she felt it was important that they didn’t give up too much of their own lives just to focus on their family. If Chris was wanting to take a break and looking for a reason then that was one thing, but if he stepped away from his career out of obligation then she knew he would regret it.

“You absolutely pull your weight,” she assured him. “We’re a team, Chris. Maybe I have to pick up the slack a bit when you’re not home, but you support me too. Like with my dance studio, you made the whole process so much easier just because I knew you’d have my back if it all fell apart.”

“Of course I would,” Chris agreed as he pulled her tighter against him, his indignant tone implying that he found any doubts about that fact insulting. “I just don’t want you to ever think that I take all the hard work you do for our family for granted.”

“I don’t and I hope that you don’t think I ever take all the hard work that you do for granted either. We balance each other out.” Not wanting to leave room for any arguments, Madeline used her hand that had settled on Chris’ neck to tilt his chin up and out of where he was hiding his face so she could press her lips against his. She hoped that the connection would offer him the same feeling of contentment that it had given her when he’d first crawled into their bed, but just in case he still had doubts she offered another reassurance when she pulled away. “Besides, Grace really is pretty easy, she makes solo parenting no problem most of the time.”

Their close proximity made it impossible for Madeline to miss the flicker of pride that lit up Chris’ eyes - as it seemed too whenever anyone spoke highly of Grace - and she nodded as he prompted her with a quiet, “Yeah?”

“Yeah, she’s really good at playing by herself which is handy when you’re not around if I can’t always give her my undivided attention,” Madeline explained. “And she is pretty reasonable. I mean, she’s not the kinda kid that will ever accept ‘because I said so’ as a reason for doing anything, but if you can explain why something’s important then she’s usually pretty good at listening.”

There was a smile on Chris’ face as he was clearly relieved to hear what Madeline had said, but it shifted into a smirk.

“Except for whatever ridiculous thing you were asking her to do earlier, right?”

His reference to the conversation they’d had when he’d first arrived home had Madeline giggling as she scrunched up her nose.

“Okay, well, yeah, sometimes the sass wins out,” she admitted. “But for the most part, she’s really sweet and very kind hearted.”

The proud glint returned to Chris’ face as he stole another kiss from Madeline’s lips.

“She gets that from her Mama.”

“She gets it from you too, contrary to popular belief you are a pretty nice guy.”

Her backhanded compliment pulled a deep chuckle from Chris, but his hand drifted up from where it had rested on her hip under the sweater to pinch at her waist as payback. The tickling sensation had Madeline pressing herself even closer towards him as she wiggled and squirmed to get away, but when her movements eventually led her to flipping onto her back, Chris rolled with her and let his body hover over her.

“You’re a brat…”

The feel of his breath against her lips as he spoke sent shivers down Madeline’s spine as she flashed him an innocent smile.

“Yeah, but I’m your brat,” she reminded him, rubbing soothingly at the hairs on the nape of his neck. “And I love the life we’ve built together. It might not be super conventional and I do miss you when you’re away, but I like knowing that you’re doing what you love and it makes the time you’re home even more special.”

Her words had any lingering doubt or tension softening off of Chris’ face as he let his forehead rest against hers.

“I love it too,” he agreed. “And I love you.”

Before Madeline could even open her mouth to return the sentiment, Chris leaned forward to silence her with a kiss. She knew that he knew she felt the same without needing to hear the words and let herself relax into his embrace as the comfort of having him home washed over her again. 

Everything just seemed brighter when he was around. Their home felt more cozy, the day to day problems that sometimes seemed so overwhelming and stress inducing seemed trivial and unimportant and she just felt like a better person when she had him by her side. She was being honest when she assured him that things were fine when he was away and he had no reason to feel any guilt for continuing the work she knew he was so passionate about, but she would still admit that her world felt more stable when she had him in her arms and she fully intended to soak up every moment of time with him that her and Grace were given before he dipped away for his next adventure.

-

Next

Tags:  @maggotzombie @moonlacebeam @mizzzpink @flowery-mess @flowerjewels​ @hockeychick10​ @partypoison00​ @theladybiers​ @sidepieces​ @patzammit​ @sparkledfirecracker​ @mytbel0st​ @denisemarieangelina​ @elrw24​ @findthebeautyinbreakdowns​ @trottae17 @annvail​ @rach2602​ @sarahdonald87​ @firephotogrl74​ @ourfinest-hour​ @k-evans-writes​

[velvetboyette]

WHY DO I BRING OUT THE BEAR IN YOU?

TW child abuse, attempted murder, dark themes

Poem by Aspen Smith , 2023

Mother why do I bring out the bear in you

Go for the throat

Hands

Claws on my neck

Breath in face

Eye contact between me and a stranger

Mother

Go ahead

Kill me

And I

Have never ment something i said to you more

I mean it more than every time i told you i loved combined

Kill me mother

Take me back

Let me to return home where you can not folllow

Release me from my chains

You owe me this

Finish what you began

Take back every gift you oushed inide my trembling hands

Relive me of the responsibility to present as though ever part of me is not broken

Take the life I never asked for and you never showed me how to love

Mother

Why do I bring out the bear in you

When you birth my heart racing like a rabbit

Eyes dancing in my socket

My throat hurts from screaming back

Remove it and see dig your hands in

Find evidence I fought nack with everything I had

"No matter how loud you scream nobody will come"

You taught me this first hand

Mother

Mother

..... Mother

Throw me into the snow

Send me back again

My body compacting ice

My body finally

Cold

I dont have many memories from third person

I dont remeber the cold

I remember how high you got me in the air

Suspended just for the moment

Hoping I wouldnt remeber anything ever again

That I wouldnt

Feel it when I hit the ground

My Blood looks best against the snow

My body will last longest in the cold

Mother

Why do I bring out

The worst in you

When you raised me to be so tolerant

So amniable

Swallow acid with a smile

Take the beating quietly

You taught me well

I always scored great marks

You took it it easy on me and never left marks

Its easy to hide when theres nothing really to see

Like you didnt do anything at all

And I would never say anything because nobody would believe me

When i finally speak

And i say

Mother

Kill me

When you finally have permission

Hands around my throat

Back against the stair well

Snarling in my face like an animal

You come back to reality

And look me in my face familar

Reflection clearer than a mirror

Murderer

Your grip releases

And you are gone just as fast as you were upon me

And I am there now just as I was when you left me all those years ago now

With my back against the stairs

Immersed in the white of the ceiling

Like I never saw anything

Part of me never left

House repossed

Stairs still possed by the part of me

That thought you had the guts to do it

[new-king-kasa-official-archived]

oh god this is gonna be my longest post yet. here we go

blog runner- @dreamblues

other rp blogs of mine connected to this one: @guardian-angel-minori, @umbra-kasa-official

tags:

ic: tsukasa

ooc: mun

ship: (insert ship here)

please ask if you need any triggers tagged

notes:

mlm leaning aroace-spec

audhd

uses he/she (girlboy <3)

rp blog masterlist

ok ok. the lore is under here. godspeed this is long

last edited: 11/29/2023

This Tsukasa has switched places with another version of himself as a result of an incident in which his previous powers were stolen after being abducted. He is now set to become a king if he is to ever go to his new universe. Down below is lore for his previous identity.

This is a blog for an au version of Tsukasa who was killed in an incident involving a time anomaly and was later revived by another timekeeper (WXS Miku)

In his universe, he was responsible for preventing time anomalies before they can interfere with events in the timeline. His revival was meant to correct a mistake before it could have a severe impact on the flow of time.

Timekeepers are capable of detecting objects or living beings that are at risk of triggering a time anomaly if left unchecked, and thus they're required to take care of them in any way they see fit until the time anomaly is successfully averted. In Tsukasa's case, she usually resorts to either picking up objects and putting them into a huge living space she shares with Miku or simply luring living beings away from the events playing at hand.

Timekeepers are also able to time travel to any point in time

Tsukasa is unable to make his presence known to anyone in his universe because of the risks that could come with revealing the existence of timekeepers to the world. There was an incident where he did, in fact, have to reveal himself to the public in order to stop a serious time anomaly, causing him to be forced to wipe everyone’s memory of him to make sure no one spreads the truth. This incident has left him deeply traumatized.

Since Timekeeper Tsukasa is... a unique case, she got transported into what I'm going to call ✨the pjsk rp verse✨ through different means. It was a mere accident on her part in which she tried to travel to the future, but instead sent herself into a whole other universe separate from hers. Because she's not in the one she's supposed to be from, her powers grow unstable and she's unable to return home until her powers completely stabilize. She also loses the ability to detect time anomalies, though she can't figure out a reason why. Right now, she's just a god who can't use her powers whatsoever.

Because of his circumstances, he never got the chance to meet Emu, Nene, and Rui. That means the only ones he knows from the main cast would have to be Ichika, Saki, Honami, Shiho, Shizuku, Toya, and maybe Airi (in the sense that he only knows about her through what Saki's said about her. Pretty sure it's canon Saki was a huge fan of Happy Happy Everyday)

He may end up confused by the existence of sekai at first, as this au wasn't built with sekai existing in mind

Because Miku is a timekeeper (and possibly other vs) in this au, the concept of virtual singers may not be present in Tsukasa’s universe, as they would exist in different forms

Will add more lore if I have to

Update: on 11/28/2023, there has been a recent discovery that Tsukasa can get prophetic visions through his dreams. Whether this is his powers manifesting once more in a different form or something else is currently unknown to everyone around her.

[ofmdbigbang]

Hello! Excited for this year's BB. I, like many others did not get a chance to participate last year and I'm hoping to this time.

However, I was wondering if the mod team could give a bit of a peek behind the curtain at any lessons learned and changes from last year to this year in event format?

Most of the complaints I heard about the big bang last year were accessibility related issues: That it was established so quickly after the show many missed it, that sign up periods were blink and miss it, advertising was very limited to small circles and only on Tumblr not Twitter or Instagram or many of the larger discord servers that got established later, etc.

Another was that timelines for check-ins for writers were rather inflexible and set to very specific styles of writing goalposts (completed words vs outlines) which were not friendly to ADHD or other types or writing/life-happens-at-irregular-pace authors.

And while posting complete works only to a Big Bang is understandable, a lot of authors felt the rule of posting all chapters at once, rather than dropping chapter by chapter over a release week or weekend, in conjunction with the lack of social media across all platforms to drive attention to the Big Bang and ending up with it competing with multiple other events at the same time resulted in a lot of people's best and longest works being buried, with fewer than average readers finding them.

Finally, much of this seems like it might have been done to make the bang simpler and less work on a mod team, which leads to the questions: Who are our mods? How many do we have coordinating for what was already such a large event on such short notice last year? The RBB was of a similar scale and it has been pretty smooth sailing but I know it has at least half a dozen main-team admins handling the project management, pair up matches, drops, pinch-hitting, the discord server, Tumblr, Twitter account, AO3 collection, and more.

I'm bringing this forward in the spirit of collaborative community and constructive criticism. I love Big Bangs and other large complicated fandom events and their history, and I know how difficult they are to run, especially for a first time in a fandom, and it disappoints me to hear about people having had bad experiences that put them off the idea.

I know some of the issues I mentioned have begun to be addressed already, like the new twitter account and what seem to be longer sign-ups, I just wanted to ask if there were other changes planned for 2023 and if you and the mod team wanted to make any comments.

Thank you!

This response is HUGE (500 word ask = 1.8k of response so enjoy that) so I have put it under the cut to keep it from cluttering up people's dash. We hope you (and our other followers) find it useful!

ASK TEXT IN BOLD, RESPONSE IN PLAINTEXT

Hello! Excited for this year's BB. I, like many others did not get a chance to participate last year and I'm hoping to this time.

However, I was wondering if the mod team could give a bit of a peek behind the curtain at any lessons learned and changes from last year to this year in event format?

First of all, we are thrilled to have you and thank you so much for the work you put into writing us a nearly 500 word ask! 

Most of the complaints I heard about the big bang last year were accessibility related issues: That it was established so quickly after the show many missed it, that sign up periods were blink and miss it, advertising was very limited to small circles and only on Tumblr not Twitter or Instagram or many of the larger discord servers that got established later, etc.

So the first thing you gotta know about the BB is that it’s run by a load of Fandom Olds - none of us have ever done fandom on twitter before and, as you said, the fandom was so new it was hard to see where most people were - we were all getting full up on Tumblr with the content, and so had no idea back a year ago what the twitterverse looked like for this (or any) fandom, so it didn’t occur to us to promote on Twitter, or really anywhere else. We have, as you spotted, changed that this year. 

We have also put out a longer signup period and are hoping to do more promotion generally of this event so that as many people as possible see it. We were quick to be sure we were on the OFMD Fandom Calendar (organised on Twitter) as well as getting promotions into some of the more established Discord communities. Many of these communities that you describe flat did not exist or were still pretty new and not widely known when we were in the sign ups for the event last year, so we weren’t able to get involved. We advertised in the Brainrot server as that was the biggest community that we knew of at the time (and one of our mods was mod there at the time too), but that and tumblr was all we had access to.

This event is huge compared to many events that this mod team have been part of - one of the mods is in a Bang in another big and well established fandom that has twenty five works in it - we collectively published over 100 in last year’s event, and we anticipate this year being bigger again as the fandom has grown and our promotional abilities have grown as well!

Another was that timelines for check-ins for writers were rather inflexible and set to very specific styles of writing goalposts (completed words vs outlines) which were not friendly to ADHD or other types or writing/life-happens-at-irregular-pace authors.

We would argue that strict deadlines can work for a lot of ADHD people specifically - sometimes the deadline is the only thing that gets you going. The wordcount minimums were explicitly because this is a project that’s about writing longfic - you can submit at the 50% check-in with 3k of prose but another 2k of plan if you want, but the point of the event is to write something long, and the check ins are to help people to manage their time. If they can’t get 5k done in the first half of the bang and don’t talk to us about it, then we can’t be reassured that they’ll hit the minimum wc for the whole event, and that might mean they let down an artist. (fwiw - Some of the mods think that the word count minimum is too small, as a traditional Bang has a 50k minimum, so we have made it more accessible in that way. (Mod Charlie: Look, technically this is a MiniBang, as it’s under 50k and I will die on this hill.)) 

The other thing to point out on this subject is that Big Bang events aren’t for everyone! There are so many events in this fandom that can work for all kinds of people with all kinds of writing styles - Bingo events, exchanges, prompt weeks, whumptober, mer-may... the list goes on! There’s no way that anyone can take part in every event, but you’ll find the things that work for you and you’ll create based on that. If writing longfic to a deadline doesn’t float your boat, then you can try something else this year, and wait until you’re filled with the urge to write longfic another day. We plan on running these events every year as long as people ask for them, and we hope that there’ll be at least a few people that keep wanting to come back and take part!

All that said, when we ran each check in we asked for a wordcount and also a self-determination of how finished you felt for your fic. We wanted people to feel like they’d done 50% of the work for claims purposes, but some were at 90% at that point, and others were at 40% but spoke to us and we organised with them that they could still take part as they knew they would have more time/opportunity in the second half of the bang to get things done. 

Our experience in other bangs is that people who take part in claims with very little done are much more likely to drop out and disappoint an artist, which is why we are very strict about that deadline specifically. People that drop out and let their partner down without talking to the mods are not permitted to take part in the following year’s event, as it can be devastating for the other party. We do have space in the schedule for extensions if people ask for them, they just have to talk to us. If people do have to completely drop out at any stage there’s no penalty as long as they talk to us and their partner about it before they disappear off the face of the planet. After all, we want to run this as an annual event, so people can always come back next year!

And while posting complete works only to a Big Bang is understandable, a lot of authors felt the rule of posting all chapters at once, rather than dropping chapter by chapter over a release week or weekend, in conjunction with the lack of social media across all platforms to drive attention to the Big Bang and ending up with it competing with multiple other events at the same time resulted in a lot of people's best and longest works being buried, with fewer than average readers finding them.

We can’t control competition with other events, unfortunately. Hopefully with better publicising of this event this year, others will avoid starting their own events that will clash with our posting dates (October 22nd until mid-November, most likely). 

Dropping the full fic in a single day is a feature of the bang, not a bug. This whole event is designed after the long-established big-bang format that these mods have regularly taken part in for many years, and is all about a big and sudden drop of fic out of the blue. (Not to assign homework to a tumblr ask, but you can read about the history of the Big Bang format on fanlore here) So the sudden drop of fic and generally discouraging people from explicitly promoting their own works is something that we want to keep (after all, it helps those that aren’t BNFs on Twitter or Tumblr and who are still amazing writers get their work seen just as much). 

However, something that we generally encourage and will be promoting more this year is that people who are taking part promote the event as a whole as much as possible, read, kudos and comment on each other’s works, and then once everything is posted they can big up their own work as much as they want. Will it have exactly the same effect as posting over time and posting twitter snippets each chapter and whatever else? No, but this does let more people get their work out to a wider audience on average. And while the creativity of the fandom is still insane, the quantity of fic dropping every day has started to drop off, hopefully giving these fics more space to breathe in AO3 and in people’s searches.

Finally, much of this seems like it might have been done to make the bang simpler and less work on a mod team, which leads to the questions: Who are our mods? How many do we have coordinating for what was already such a large event on such short notice last year? The RBB was of a similar scale and it has been pretty smooth sailing but I know it has at least half a dozen main-team admins handling the project management, pair up matches, drops, pinch-hitting, the discord server, Tumblr, Twitter account, AO3 collection, and more.

We have put together (which we meant to do before now but alas, time kept happening) some mod introductions on our Tumblr Page which you can go and have a peek at to see who we are! The event started last year with four people, and grew to six after a shoutout on the Discord for some extra help. This year we’re currently at four mods again. 

One of our mods (Hi, Charlie again, RVB Discord Builder, and BB Discord builder) is also on the mod team for the RVB and was able to both share lessons learned from last year’s BB with that team, as well as bring a lot of the insight that those guys had from their Big Bang and Reverse Bang experiences back to this team, so we do have an intimate knowledge of how that was run and how the work was divided between the amazing mod talent that was doing that bang. However, no two mod teams are alike, and so there will still be some differences in approach. 

On that note, if you have an organisational brain, love spreadsheets, can repeat the words “We emailed you this information” in your head over and over again without getting cross, and think that you can help out (not just you, nonny, but the collective you that might be reading this post) please feel free to reach out! This is a big project and we are a small team with real lives (ew) and so there are going to be some things that we miss, so some extra keen beans may well be helpful!

I'm bringing this forward in the spirit of collaborative community and constructive criticism. I love Big Bangs and other large complicated fandom events and their history, and I know how difficult they are to run, especially for a first time in a fandom, and it disappoints me to hear about people having had bad experiences that put them off the idea.

We definitely made some mistakes in the last event that we hope to not make again. It was difficult in many ways because the fandom was so new and young that we were watching a lot of the fandom settling-in process happen side-by-side with the event, and it was difficult to know how to best respond to a lot of what was happening. This year we hope that with a more settled fandom, a mod team with a bit more experience, and with more focus and opportunity to talk to you all in more places and answer questions, organise extensions, and generally be a little friendlier everyone will be able to have a better time.

The biggest change we’re looking at making this year is to make the claims process less stressful for artists - giving a longer period for claims and going away from a first-come-first-served method, which really gets the blood pumping but can make things really difficult for those in inconvenient timezones, or people who have other commitments that mean they can’t be there on the dot at whatever time it opens for them. Claiming can be the most stressful and difficult part of a Big Bang process and we want to try and make that less stressful for everyone.

One of the other changes that we’re exploring right now is a ‘mini bang’ type event that opens to people who either don’t make a deadline or have to drop out for other reasons - a collection for people that can’t keep to the schedule but want to be involved with the project. We’ve not ironed out exactly how this might work, so watch this space and we’ll see if we can make it work for this year. We want to emphasise that the point of the event is to post in the Main Collection - we don’t want signups that know they’re not going to make it to 10k or finished art by the October Deadline and just want to post to the mini-bang collection - but we do also know that sometimes real life just eats you alive (especially with posting being just after the new school term starts) and that IRL absolutely must come first, and we hate to see people not being able to stay involved because of stuff they can’t control. 

I know some of the issues I mentioned have begun to be addressed already, like the new twitter account and what seem to be longer sign-ups, I just wanted to ask if there were other changes planned for 2023 and if you and the mod team wanted to make any comments.

Most of the changes that we have are to do with how we’re hoping to respond to issues that arise, and our social media presence, which might not come up at all if everyone has a great time. From a mod perspective, the vast majority of the “big�� tasks (sign ups, claims, matching, and posting) went very smoothly, so now that we know we’ve got that handled, we can put more focus onto making the event friendlier for participants. We’re going to be putting more information into the emails that we send out so that you have as much information as possible. We’re also putting a bigger emphasis on people joining our Discord Server so that people can talk to us more easily and we can better support people with amazing resources from previous years participants, the opportunity to hook up with an alpha or beta reader, and generally encourage people to take advantage of the amazing community of people that are here to help them write and draw the thing in their head!

Thank you!

At the end of the day, the purpose of the Big Bang and indeed any fandom event is to help people work with and potentially collaborate in a way that they might not otherwise, and enjoy a new way of exploring their favourite creative pastime. There’s nothing stopping anyone from publishing a longfic that they collaborate with an artist on at any time - we’re helping to provide a structure for those that might otherwise be too shy or too divorced from the fandom community to start these collaborations themselves. I know that I made most of my OFMD fandom friends through my Beta Reader for last year’s event and that there are huge communities of writers and artists that I know have come together through events like this, and that’s something that we are insanely pleased about. Fandom is about community and creativity, and we hope that you find the community that supports your creativity the best out there somewhere. 

And if you don’t see the event that you want to take part in - make it! The creators of most events just rock up on their social media of choice one day and shout “HEY IM DOING A THING”, and while not every event has 300 people in it, many years of fandom experience in this mod team will tell you that it’s the things you do that only have 12 people in them that can be the most fun and rewarding, even if you create something that only those 12 people read or appreciate. This event is much bigger than any of us could have predicted, and while that’s amazing we know it can be overwhelming, so if it’s not for you then that’s totally fine! 

[drarrily-we-row-along]

2022 At a Glance

So, I debated doing the AO3 Wrapped thing, I've been tagged a couple of times in year end reviews, and things for 2023; I've been putting them off and feeling a little like I didn't want to waste anyone's time with reading any of those things. But I never feel like reading those things for other people is a waste of my time, so it's not fair to assume anyone else does either.

Also, one of my New Year's Resolutions is to be kinder to myself and celebrate my own wins, so we're starting here. I'm really proud of how much writing I've done this year, so I'm going to share some of the things I'm most proud of. So many people in this fandom have offered me such kindness and loving support; I'm so grateful for the soft place to land here on tumblr.

I'm combining a couple of different things, so here's my year at a glance in fandom and a couple of hopes and dreams for the year to come:

1. How many words have you written this year? 413,515 2. How many works did you publish this year? 174 3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? Against an Endless Tide is one of my favorites- not only because I love that iteration of Harry and Draco but because this work shows me how much I have grown as a human in regards to my own trauma. 4. What work of yours has the most hits? A Kiss to Build a Dream On 5. What work of yours has the most kudos? Drarry has not just the most kudos for this year but of any fic I've ever posted. And I'm honestly kind of mad about it. This was one of those fics that I spent 30 minutes on and sent out into the world (it's literally 1000 words and complete nonsense). And it has more kudos than things that I've spent weeks (months, years) plotting and drafting. Yeah, this was my least favorite look at my stats. smh. 6. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year? Bro. Don't ask. I have so many WIPs it's like a graveyard in my docs. Who knows which one's will see the light of day. 7. What’s your longest work of the year? Making it Work which is very much not complete yet and will be coming into 2023 with me. 8. What’s your shortest work of the year? Jam (50 words) a microfic that I was very proud of because it feels like sunshine when I read it. 9. How many kudos in total did you get this year? 37,312 10. Biggest surprise while writing this year? How many people related to pieces that I've privately categorized as my "unofficial trauma response series". It's made me feel really sad that so many people can relate to the pieces that are written out of that grief but it's also really made me want to write more of that to offer hope. 11. Do you have a word count goal for the upcoming year? 500,000 words is the goal. (It might be worth noting that it was last year's goal as well and I achieved it, just not 'published' words.) 12. Do you plan to write any original fiction this year? Maybe. It's a long held dream of mine to be an actual published author of my own works. Yes, I'll probably (hopefully) write some but I don't know if I'll end up sharing any of it.

That's it, friends. Thanks for reading my fics this year and joining me in this year of self-discovery. I feel like my writing style has changed and I've really fallen into myself more. Looking forward to seeing what 2023 holds. <3

[quicktimeeventfull]

10, 15, 18 for the fic writer asks!

hello thank you!!!!! :D 10. is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

i was for some reason convinced that hammer and nail was borderline unreadable and tbh the only reason i actually posted it is i was like ‘well if you don’t post bad fic sometimes you will psych yourself out of posting any fic ever.’ people have left incredibly nice comments on it, though, i’m honestly really touched by many of them T__T. (it is also my most viewed death note fic by a very wide margin, which is surprising to me partially because it’s gen.)

15. how do you come up with titles for your fics/chapters?

great question gjfghhgf. tbh i struggle a lot with titles. often i pick a quote or a phrase & sometimes i’m just going off vibes.

i can explain my most ludicrously convoluted one, which is our lighted tommorrows. it comes from this macbeth soliloquy:

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,

To the last syllable of recorded time;

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death

the concept being that they were originally the doomed fools following the lighted path but now their tommorrow are lit u know. the fools have lighted a new path and so on and so forth. it’s very pretentious dfjkgdlj but i like it.

18. what’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

my arbitrary little secret 2023 challenge is to write, whenever appropriate, the longest possible sentences. this one from animal games is my favourite because it clocks in at 223 words:

One day he showed up twenty minutes late -- he said there was traffic, whatever, he should have left earlier, he should have checked the fucking roads before he left -- and we had a fight about it on the way home that continued all the way into the house, down the driveway and through the hall into the living room, a screaming fight, with him snarling right in my face and me shouting back at his, a fight I'd almost enjoyed because it felt like something real, it felt like he saw me, and so I kept making it bigger and bigger, telling him he didn't give a shit about me now that he had his stupid fucking yard and and all these people who'd tell him how smart he was and this job that needed him and me locked up like an animal he could pick up and play with whenever he felt like it, always available, always waiting, always down for whatever it was he wanted to do because what other fucking option did I have and he'd screamed at me, which I'd never heard him do before, and I felt this electric fire that I could make him do that, his voice all deep and raw, getting closer and closer to me until I was pressed right up against the wall.

[goldeneyedgirl]

I love your writing so much, thank you for everything Jalice you created with your brilliant mind😭

I have heard mcu would be updated? And stl too? Omg. Lexie, I swear you uploads treated as a freaking Holiday miracle in my life. I legit to this day remember the absolute mind-altering evening I had, when I found STL and have read it for the first time. I re-read it yesterday, and its makes me e.m.o.t.i.o.n.a.l every time, fuck. Especially Jasper’s parts.

Also, I do realise its might seem like I am stalking your blog, but I am just obsessed with your view on Twilight and Jalice, I swear, I am not a psycho😂. Its also that, yours is the only tumblr blog I have a notification mode turned on.

Also, I would love to see the Dark & the Unknown, because what the fuck is with Alice? She IS alive, right? Like, I have a whole movie in my head, where opens her eyes and the Cullens are like, what the fuck is going on? And Jasper is just shocked, horrified but also relieved. And then the Cullens hear them fucking in Jasper’s study, and they are traumatised.���😂 and Emmett is just: “bro, she is terrifying 😈 “ or something like that😀

Anyway, thank you for everything you have written so far, I ADORE your brain❤️

You are so damn sweet <3 Thank you so much for your support, you've left so many comments and tags and likes, it means so much to me. I'm just the weirdo with too many ideas and not enough time to get them all written.

Jar of Hearts and STL are the next two updates I have planned. Variable Stars is currently in pieces undergoing a complete rewrite of the next three chapters. The one-shots this month are my fantastically late Valentine's one-shot from Space-verse, and the February prompt for the 2023 Prompt List.

Shadow to Light being so popular is wild to me, and I am so grateful people are still following it. It was supposed to be a one-shot, then a two-shot, then a fic that was wrapped up in 6 chapters (I still remember exactly where it was when it changed for me to a Big Project), and now is one of the longest fics I've ever managed and one of the things I'm most proud of. Thank you so much for putting up with my slow updates.

I do have some amazing asks from you in my inbox, I just need the time to sit down and give them a good response that doesn't make me sound like a babbling fool (and there was one that I needed to hunt down a specific image that has become really hard to find, but I think I found it!)

2023 is The Dark And the Unknown's year, I can feel it. We're going to get our cryptid romance on. I don't want to spoil it, but Alice does freak out the entire family at one point, and Jasper is smitten. However, the pacing is messed up at the moment - which just means I have to add a bunch of scenes and make it longer - so I'm crossing my fingers that it will be this year's Halloween fic.

And again, thank you. Before I wrote for Jalice, I wrote for fandoms/pairings that didn't have a lot of interaction, so I never got to talk to people or have anyone read my stuff so it always amazing and exciting to see likes and reblogs and reviews and asks (that might be why I get overwhelmed - I'm absolutely not used it!)

[influencermagazineuk]

Daniel Craig is ending at 56. Daniel Craig has officially closed the chapter on his long tenure as James Bond, leaving fans and media buzzing with curiosity about who will take over the iconic role. His reign as the famous British spy is the longest continuous run in the franchise's history that has captivated audiences since Ian Fleming's novels first hit the screen in 1962, starting with Dr. No featuring Sean Connery. Caroline Bonarde Ucci, CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0, via Wikimedia Commons The actor, who first played Bond in Casino Royale (2006), followed by Quantum of Solace (2008), Skyfall (2012), and Spectre (2015), announced that No Time To Die (2021) would be his last outing as 007. Since then, there has been endless speculation about who will next embody the suave and lethal agent. The names floated around among fans and insiders have included Idris Elba, Tom Hardy, and Aaron Taylor-Johnson as potential candidates. Taylor-Johnson, who was at the top of the heap in January 2023, apparently aced a screen test that was screened by producer Barbara Broccoli. Known for such movies as Kick-Ass, Bullet Train, and Nowhere Boy, this 33-year-old has won former Bond stars, James Pryce, Pierce Brosnan, and George Lazenby, to the camp he believes he could be one promising successor. At one point, Craig said when asked in an interview by Variety who he wanted to have follow in the footsteps of the iconic role of Bond that his typically dry humour answered: "I don't care.". Such is the brutally honest comment coming from Craig, which states that he is disconnected to a good portion of the dialogue, implying that Craig is far off of a line if ever he was meant to leave his career-defining role for nearly a decade. As debates and gamblings are carried out by the public of who the next Bond could be, Craig is up to new works. His latest effort, Queer, which he stars in and has directed under the helm of Luca Guadagnino-remember his work on Challengers and Call Me By Your Name? This film, premiering at the Venice International Film Festival, has set quite the buzz with explicit gay sex scenes, according to reviews of the film so far. It's just a bit of a departure in which Craig has been allowed to take his cinematic work that much further. Having filmed love scenes with Sienna Miller, Léa Seydoux, Monica Bellucci, Eva Green, and wife Rachel Weisz throughout his career, Craig says the secret to intimate scenes is the director's approach. He recalls previous experiences, saying, "I've been in movies with terrible love scenes.". It doesn't work. He stresses the need for a director to be sensitive and adds, "You need someone who understands—put it bluntly—how to make it real. That's the job: to make it as genuine as possible." One of the reasons Craig became so popular in Hollywood was because of his directness. As he ventures into new artistic endeavors, the James Bond franchise is left waiting for the next actor to portray the legendary character – whoever that may be. Meanwhile, Craig's history as Bond will not be forgotten, and his candid responses keep the world entertained. Read the full article

[inslo]

….the answer is, No, I’m not okay. 

Sorry, but this is a ranting and venting post.  I’m just letting out some severe pain. 

I wish there was a pill that would take away the physical pains that my emotional pains are causing.  For the past 25 years, the only thing I’ve wanted out of my life on this earth is to have someone to love and for someone to love me, and to have my own family.  At the age of 47, this is an impossible dream.  I don’t find people my age attractive anymore, and when I do it is extremely rare.  Meeting someone worth a relationship attractive or not, is also extremely difficult.

Oh, don’t forget that my search for a marriage has lasted 25-years and has produced practically nothing.  I’m not joking when I say I have pumpkins that outlast my relationships, this includes the nine months I was with the only true love of my life, Angie.  It is true, I have one pumpkin at home and one pumpkin left at work that I harvested in September 2023 that are still doing fine.   

My second best relationship, with Bhoomika, we couldn’t agree where to live and she left for Los Angeles and has been with the same person now for over three years….I’ve been with three people in the last three years, the longest of those three people being just six months.  One was awesome all around but had severe untreated PTSD that she was unable to deal with, and that was too much for me.  One was just plain very unattractive (which ended up being the deal breaker), but was nice all around otherwise.  The third was a bit more attractive (but not great), and even more nice all around, but later I feel she was more in it for a one night stand.  It hurts to see Bhoomika, who apparently has completely forgotten about me already, be happy with someone for three years now, and I struggle getting a third date, or even a first date in many cases.   Or even a “thanks I’m not interested” response, would be better than what I get in most instances. 

In my small group bible study, first night, there is a couple struggling to conceive and in tears over it.  So the leader suggests praying over them as a group.  Third bible study meeting, the talk is about jealousy and coveting your neighbors possessions.  It absolutely pained me that they were struggling to conceive…at least they get to try, I have been even unable to even try to conceive.  I don’t know where to begin to deal with these feelings, other than prayer. It hurts bad.

When I do find someone very worth putting every effort into starting a relationship, very attractive mentally and physically, after three dates in which I start falling for them, I then get the rug pulled out from under my feet with the line “I’m just not feeling it” …every time.  I hate this.   Is it really worth the pain and anguish I have to go through? 

…and don’t forget…twenty five years of searching, trying to be positive, trying to stay positive, hoping, praying only to go through $h!t, and have nothing to show but a hardened and broken heart.  The pain runs down my cheeks frequently these days.   I’ve heard the phrase that “You can be in the middle of a sold-out stadium crowd, and be lonely.”  Well that is me, I’m incredibly lonely, ache for long hugs and warm snuggles.  Someone to ask me how my day was on a regular basis.  Someone who I could cook a nice warm meal for, even though I hate cooking.  …and if I ever do find someone, we will have 25-years of catching up to do.  I feel like I’ve lost out on a lot of life, I’m missing out on the great things life has to offer.  I’m not 25 anymore, though I wish I was.  I’ve been struggling with sleep at night because of the loneliness and emotional pain as I describe in this post.

Oh yeah and when my friend(s) go on Facebook and say how awesome their spouse is, that makes me sick.  Am I not awesome?  Apparently not, is what I’m finding out. 

[dankusner]

Bush library

Bush Center is a Dallas jewel

I’ve been fortunate to live near two such gems

Entering the University of Texas as a freshman in fall 1972, the building on campus I had to see first was the brand new LBJ Presidential Library, the first post-presidential institution ever to be on a college campus.

Throughout my college and law school years, I followed the exhibits, watched the videos mounted on display, heard the recordings of Johnson’s phone conversations and attended the speaker programs.

When President George W. Bush was deciding which university would be the site of his presidential library, I sure hoped he would choose Southern Methodist University.

When the announcement came in 2008 that it would be built on the Hilltop, I had high hopes of it becoming what the LBJ library had been since 1971: an institution that enhanced the stature of the university and the city where it is located, and a source for many memorable experiences.

It has become so much more.

My image of a presidential library, informed by the iconic wall of archive boxes at the LBJ library, was one of preservation and research, a glorified mini-storage of presidential history.

But the George W. Bush Presidential Center has also housed a think tank, a publishing team, programs for leadership development and veteran care and, on one special day in 2017, the rehearsal dinner for my daughter’s wedding.

The Bush Institute, which its leaders like to call a “do tank” rather than a think tank for its bent toward actionable policy solutions, is uncommon among presidential centers;

The Carter Center at Atlanta’s Emory University set the standard.

That was in 1982, long after I had left behind the campus with LBJ’s archives, but long before Jimmy Carter would stop being a player on the world stage.

Carter is now our oldest living president and the president with the longest retirement in American history: 43 years.

Some may question whether it’s prudent for a former president or his institution to seek to address ongoing American policy after he’s left the White House.

In recent weeks, Donald Trump has been criticized for trying to do just that by calling Richard Grenell, his former ambassador to Germany, “my envoy” and commissioning him to attack President Joe Biden’s foreign policy.

When I asked the Bush Institute leadership about that, they said they have always stayed away from even a hint of partisan skirmishing and, notably, their namesake is painting portraits of world leaders, not seeking to unseat them.

Instead, the policy positions taken by the institute’s scholars have one goal: to enhance public discourse, with all work tied to its mission of advancing four core values: freedom, opportunity, accountability and compassion.

Those values, rather than party affiliation, are what drive policy and personnel.

Bush Institute Executive Director David Kramer told me: “We don’t do political litmus tests.”

The institute pursues research on a wide variety of topics that, in recent months, have included immigration, education, economic growth, strengthening democracy, global health, women’s advancement, corruption and kleptocracy, Afghanistan and Ukraine.

Bush policy advocates testify regularly before federal, state and local government bodies.

They also publish The Catalyst , the online journal that has twice won Editor and Publisher ’s EPPY Award for the Best Magazine Website with under 1 million unique views.

The Bush Center has also emerged as a unifier among other institutions.

In 2023, for the first time, 13 of the nation’s presidential centers (from Hoover to Obama) issued a joint statement.

“We felt it was a good time to bring together the various presidential centers and foundations — Republicans and Democrats — to underscore the importance of our democratic values, institutions, civic responsibility, civility and a pluralistic society,” Kramer said.

The joint effort has opened new channels of communication among the 13 centers, Kramer said.

This expansion of interaction among the post-presidential facilities is a logical extension of the effort by the George W. Bush, George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton and Lyndon B. Johnson centers that in 2015 led to the creation of the Presidential Leadership Scholars program.

For the last nine years, PLS has chosen and trained a diverse group of midcareer professionals in an effort to enhance their leadership abilities through the lens of presidential experience.

PLS participants from the nonprofit, military, public and private sectors all over the country get to learn from former presidents, administration officials, academics and business leaders.

To date, 477 people have been trained in the program and this year’s class has 60 participants.

The Bush Center also operates the Stand-To Veteran Leadership Program, which equips veterans and current military leaders to mobilize projects that aid military families.

To date, 209 people have completed projects and this year’s class of 35 plans to do the same.

What enriched Austin and the University of Texas since my college days has now been duplicated and expanded in Dallas and SMU. Our city can be proud of this institution.

For someone like me who’s been locked in on presidential history for over half a century, divine providence has delivered me to the right place at the right time.

Twice!

[raynewritingdownthoughts]

sat mar 25th, 2023

rainy day and i’m really enjoying margaret by lana so much. the way she says the first couple of lines gives me goosebumps. it just reminds me of how i feel sometimes. like oh god here we go, let’s see how this goes.

alex said i looked good today when he brought over my hot chocolate. he’s always so kind to me. he’s a lot younger but i feel like he’s the kind of guy that would be good for me. someone who just oozes kindness and has been through a lot but isn’t warped. i guess i can’t really know what he’s like, but he feels warm. it’s easy to feel how people are in how they interact, even the basics. i don’t really love wearing makeup and i don’t wear much but i often feel like i’m treated better when i do… sigh

i had a lot of dreams last night that i’ve forgotten. before i fell asleep i thought about how cozy i was with ado. i miss the feeling of being held a bit. not by him specifically. ah. it would be good for me to never see him again. i do wonder.. will it? i hope i’ll be okay. in fact, i know i will be. shaken up doesn’t mean that it’s going to affect me that much. life is so like this. it’s so much!

yesterday was so pleasant because both victoria came in and nancy. both of them give me so much energy. i get so excited. she ended up taking a pic of me when she was leaving the store. and invited me to a concert tonight. maybe i’ll go? can’t quite decide. i feel like i need to keep focusing on myself so i don’t get lost in others. don’t want to attach to this person who probably would be averse to it. but honestly, i respect other peoples’ boundaries so well. i’m mostly in need of protecting my own.

time goes by. i stand. i sit. i remember. it’s been almost 5 months alone. 9 months alone was my longest. a year alone seems like the right timeline for now. i’m not ready for anyone. i want to be ready and be the full loving person i know i am. i’m already improving so much and being so vulnerable with my friends and new friends. currie and i, as well as me, ezra, and ryan, have the healthiest relationships i’ve ever had. actual trust, actual closeness. it took time. i have had moments where i demonized and wanted to run away, but i haven’t.

as for morgan, i notice my resentfulness. i send her responses and she can’t return any comment. she sends me stuff and i respond back but i feel myself not truly feeling like doing it. because my needs aren’t being met. and like i’ve come to notice, my expectations have been like -1. we’ll see. i’m going to talk to her when we hang out. state again that i need commitment when it comes to friendship. i want to be interacted with. not just someone you send a few things to do and that’s it.

work is going fine and next next week i’m going to ask for both a raise and for tips to be add to cut flower purchases.

a little bothered that my gyno didn’t test for hpv. that’s literally the reason i wanted a pap smear… so i sent a message to her. if she doesn’t get back, i’ll call. health is a priority.

i want to make another paper cutout tonight. actually watch a movie. do yoga. i don’t think i would actually enjoy a concert tonight. also, depends on price… i’ll think about it.

happy to be alive. i’m doing it.

[lgcmilan]

lgcxnoeul​:

“Prank me? Me, Milan, really?” He snorts at her reproach, playfully poking her on the forehead with his index finger. His relationship with Milan was the next longest lasting relationship that he had formed after his family members. That didn’t meant that she couldn’t prank him successfully. In fact, she was probably one of the only few people that knew his weaknesses and could exploit it to her advantage. She was witty too, wittier than him. He only had an overly active mind on her, but Milan had that quick wit that left him speechless often. “Ah, they made you stretch your neck like a flamingo?” He stands up straighter than usual, touching the top of his head with his hand despite not being near a wall and lifting one of his legs like the animal mentioned.

“No, I don’t like that either…” He softly hums, quirking his head to one side when the tension dissipates him from his body when his posture returns to its usual slouchy level. He glances down at her with a smile on his face, wrinkling his nose slightly afterwards. “I think you will like the soundtra— Should I call it a mini-album?” He lifts one shoulder in a shrug, heading further inside her apartment when he removes his sneakers near the front door. He sets them out of the way and slips his socked feet into one of the slippers that were left out for guests. “The full group songs are my favorite. I’m going to need one of your in-depth reviews when you listen to all of them.”

“It’s a huge project, Milan.” His excitement was laced through his response, forcing the smile on his lips to widen at the corners and dimpled his skin near his cheekbone. “We’ll have a concert too. Do you think you will be able to go?” The question wasn’t so innocent. He wanted to see if he could get a concrete answer from her about whether she made the final lineup of the group or not. Surely, she could tell him and he could pinky promise not to tell anyone or leak any information out. He was dying to know how the season ended and how she felt. “It’s near the end of June. I’ll be sad if you can’t…”

“why are you acting like this?” she asks, trying to swat his finger before it reaches her forehead, but being too slow. instead, she opts for a frown. “or should i bake another one of those salt cake?” she threatens, bringing up the time she had managed to make him eat a piece of the saltiest cake to ever have been made. 

as noeul stretches his neck and become even taller than usual, milan nods. “that and at the same time, press my shoulders back to touch the wall as well to make them straighter.” she explains. “pure torture.” had he been closer to a wall she’d have demonstrated. however, her misadventures with the company’s walls are quickly forgotten when noeul dishes on spring boys. she listens, fascinated by everything he has to say, coming close to urging him on as he changed shoes. though, staying in the apartment’s entrance wouldn’t do anyway, so she leads the way to the kitchen to put the cupcakes down on the counter and open the box for them to enjoy as they speak. “hold up. full group songs? so there are unit songs too? it seems to be like girls summer... makes sense...” she comments. his excitement makes her smile, brings her joy. 

noeul’s love for the stage is more than apparent. because of his personality, many do not expect him to be so driven and passionate at first. but ilan knows. “hmm...” she cups her chin in her hand thoughtfully. “well...” she continues to drag the moment, not telling him right away what he’s trying to ask her. “i’ll try to make time, but it all depends on what the company has planned.” she says. she had already not ben able to see the boys’ performance in january, to miss this would be awful, however... “i’ll have to see with the group’s manager, i think!” she finally spills with a grin. “i told you we had a lot to celebrate today!” she picks a bunny cupcake and raises it, waiting for him to do the same. “to us and our upcoming first albums coming in 2023.” milan declares.