#long story short this just exists now
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#This makes zero sense out of context#And I’m not sure how to explain it#metal cardbot#long story short this just exists now
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anyone interested in talking about the iconic 2000's middle-grade-bordering-on-ya book series gallagher girls??
#okay incoming rant about this series#i read the first book when i was 10 or 11 and i was absolutely obssessed with it. i read it so many times i had the entire story memorized#the issue was that i could not find the rest of the series anywhere. it was either sold out or out of stock#and then i found out that only the first 3 books had been translated into my first language so at that point i kinda gave up on them#anyway#flashforward to a couple of weeks ago#i was re organizing my bookshelf and on the back i found LYKY (is this how y'all are abreviating it??)#and remembred how much i loved it#and since i'm now fluent in english and was stuck at home recovering from a surgery i decided to download the entire series and read it#to find out what the fuck happened afterwards#long story short i read all six books in 4 or 5 days#and i haven't stopped thinking about them since#it's actually so funny how little information we have in the first book#i went all of these years thinking it was mostly a silly series about a boarding school for spies when actually SO MUCH happens afterwards#i can't believe i went all of these years unaware of zach goode's existence#truly character of all time#but also i can't stop thinking about how interesting it would have been if zach had come to hate the circle and his mom during the series#rather than before#make it a true enemies to lovers#and have us witness that portion of his character developement in real time instead of being told about it#like him slowly realizing through cammie and his time at gallagher that maybe what they were doing is wrong#i think it would have been very interesting to read#although let's be real it took me until halfway through book four to trust him and he was fully one of the good guys so..#but yeah i have a lot more to say but these tags are long enough#gallagher girls#okay i just want to add another funny anecdote about my experience with this series#my copy of LYKY has an age warning in the back recomending that readers should be above 13 yo to read it#and i distinctly remember finishing it and thinking the warning was kind of dumb bcs besides a few mentions of death and other heavier topi#nothing really happened#and now i realize it was a warning for the rest of the series not just the first book because jesus fucking chirst everything after
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Finally properly sobbing after not being able to cry all day is such a great feeling
#long distance is actually so terrible I’m dying over here#you might be like ‘anne you’ve been in an ldr for three years now how are you not used to it?’#and the answer is that the pain gets worse every time! and the most annoying thing is that usually it peaks the first night apart and goes#easier from there; but if my mental health is bad enough in other areas it will stick around for up to two weeks which I can already tell i#happening. so that’s good#and as you may remember from me posting about it; things were a little rocky for a while because of my OCD as well as me just being a#terrible person. not really; I need to speak to myself with kindness#but also I think I’m just a bad person. like just through and through not a good person#not that I really think good or bad people exist it’s just everyone does some harm and some good and you can’t nearly divide that into good#or bad#or at least that’s what I tell myself when I think back on the shitty things I’ve done#which is a lot.#but long story short my idiocy did not cause them to dump me even though they easily could have#anyway fuck I just miss my partner and it’s unfair they’re not holding me in this moment#now I just have to keep making amends and working on myself so I don’t do it in the future. I didn’t cheat if anyone’s wondering; I feel#we’re gonna call later anyway so hopefully that will help. and I do feel better for sobbing#like that’s always my assumption when other people blog like this lol#apologies for the tag rant but it is my own post lol#this isn’t even mentioning my academic stress because that does feel secondary to the everything else#because I think I get like a camouflage worry where my brain will tell me I’m freaking out about school#but really it’s a cover for the really painful stuff underneath#anyway. this too shall pass and no emotion is forever and I will see my partner again and we’ll have a long life together :-)#anne speaks
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7 and 10 for hiram?
7. What is an aspect of their appearance that you like the most?
The silly little pencil moustache! It's a fundamental part of his design, it's simple, it's fun to draw, and it's very gender to me personally.
10. What is their main character arc in the story? Where do they start and how do they develop? Do they get a happy ending or is their story a tragic one?
(I wrote a bit about his earlier characterisation here, sharing the link to avoid making this post super long)
Hiram's main arc develops through his ambition and his attempts to save London. The ambition began from a need to have more time to figure out the Neath, and it became a gamble to secure the city's future. His curious nature is what plunged him into a corruption arc after the Fall, and what's fuelling his need to always strive for more, have more, achieve more. But none of this is possible if the eldritch powers that be declare his home and his existence illegal, and he's not planning to stick around just to witness everything drown in ammonia and melancholy in an unspecified future.
Currently, he's working with Hell to forge a Law that will raise London to the Surface again (as per the ending of the Season of Skies), indirectly supporting all revolutionary endeavours as a plan B, although he'd rather control the Laws than dismantle them completely. Just in case, he's also fomenting as much chaos as possible on a certain chessboard.
His plans will ultimately fail because he's slowly becoming increasingly obsessed with power and control, not trusting anyone other than himself to see the bigger picture. His goals are good, but his problem solving skills are just like him, too uncaring and self centred to achieve anything useful.
He'll really start to improve and let go of some of his ego after the fall of the 6th city, but not fast enough to prevent the fall of the 7th. He won't ever become a morally good or law abiding person, but he'll tone down the unhingedness, slowly realising that the ends cannot always justify the means. He'll end up finally saving Berlin in the Neon Future, one way on another. The headcanon is always a work in progress, it changes as new developments are introduced in game, and I consider the Neon Future to be an open ending for his arc.
Hiram is a fun oc, and he has a lot of silly moments, but he's fundamentally a tragic character. No matter how much he tries to control his own narrative, he's always in the throes of his desires, and things will have to get even harder for him to understand that he needs to change and improve his attitude in order to change and improve his surroundings. But he'll end up reluctantly dragged in a found family trope in the Neon Future, and the whole narrative genre will shift from tragedy to sitcom so yes, there's definitely a happy ending, albeit bittersweet (it includes Morgan's true death, amongst other things. @thunder-threnodies and me have a lot of future headcanons that we might or might not share sooner or later)
#long story short in the neon future morgan dies#their parabolan presence is a bit too RealTM and a personification of their memories and a few feelings spawns into reality#from a random mirror in the city in silver#she's not morgan but she knows a few things morgan knew. but she doesn't know who morgan was or even who she is (let's call her morgana)#girl is confused AF. everything's new and she has no idea what to do but she does remember hiram's name (she has no idea who he is)#flash forward a few confused interactions later she ends up at hiram's casino like “hello i know you :D”#and he's like ???? (<- just acquired a daughter. cue in other npcs and found family shenanigans)#the deviless is still around and her reaction upon seeing morgana will be “hiram my beloved what the HellTM is that thing.”#because she's in the Is but also she's Not. it's very weird for everyone involved#ok end of the tag rant this entire story only exists in a single whatsapp chat for now#hiram hargrave#hiram lore#oc asks
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Hot take: I think my autistic ass could fix the overwatch lore given 3 days and like a few boxes of frozen toquitos
#overwatch#overwatch 2#long story short#i hate overwatch's new direction with the lore#aka#there not being ANY#like... before you could kind of see how some things fit together#now its just.... okay guys time to add the pandering hero and forget they exists#time to give kiriko 50000000 skins everg single update#even though kiriko is the least lore accurate most self insert terrible ass character ive seen in a hot minute#i could fix her#make her like... 10-15 years older#and theres a major fix rightthere#also make her personality fit with her cinematic#ALSO GIVE THE FUCKING CINEMATICS A BUDGET AGAIN#they look so ass now#im sorry#the new cinematics are so fucking balls#anyway#rant over
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Finallly got around to properly designing Demonstrator! She’s silly
#keese draws#oc art#oc#she’s a part of the story with lace and the others#she’s in fact a big part of the reason lace was able to find out everything she did in the first timeline#so Long story short she was from the very end of the time period that the creators were still around#well at that point only 2 of them were and the one that made her left super shortly after but yknow#but after the last creator died within their world the gods began fighting for power and control#the time god had seen what becomes of this and freaked out and tried to preserve at least one of the people of this era by sending her to#the future before he immediately stopped doing that since he has little control over his powers and was sent to a different time period#during that war pretty much every other original non god inhabitant of this world ended up dead#all the modern day magic relics are in fact pieces of these old inhabitants that carry enough of their original owners magic#to be used for casting purposes#the main party found demonstrator while they were working on their main quest and had assumed she was a relic before accidentally unfreezing#her and realizing this was a living person why was very confused as to what happened#but yeah demonstrator was mostly created as an experiment and she knows that so she’s eager to get the others to help her test her abilities#lace was very intrigued by her and her abilities especially given her concerns surrounding well. everything lately.#demonstrator basically just has shitty magic 8 ball magic where you can ask her a question and her abilities will show her some answer#these answers can’t be full on false but they can be extremely vague or even just complete nonanswers so usefulness carries#she can also only produce an answer once per question#although luckily it’s pretty loose on what one question is so you can just rephrase the same question a bunch of different ways if you want#so she and lace were still able to find out a shit ton of stuff and the rest is history#important to note that her role in the modern timeline is still pretty prone to change but I’m currently planning on her having also been#sentenced to the timeloop tumbler but in a different location so she and lace weren’t able to keep eachother company#I’m still working out what I want to do with her character tho I have ideas but nothing concrete#she’s existed conceptually for a couple months now but I have been mostly prioritizing the basic worldbuilding and story set up#but now that I have that done I’ve been slowly chipping at fleshing out the main cast so that means demonstrator too#I kind of want her and lace to be doomed toxic yuri post loops but again it depends
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#like in general#but also last weekend was literally like a skins episode what the fuck im still processing it#we went to see a football match#then spent over an hour getting back to our dorms on foot bc the trams were packed#we were JUST abt to reach the dorm building byt there were these 3 guys standing and they were like#'hiii girls look we reallyREALLY urgently need to get to the club but we re too drunk to call for a taxi wchi means you gotta walk us there#so we were like no fucking way obv we didnt know them AND THEN WENT WITH THEM ANYWAY#we stopped by this one place where young ppl usually meet up to drink bc our friend was partying there#drank her beer lool the boys convinced their friend to go with us qnd this girl turned out to be our mutual friend which is jdjeisbwjkw#so anyway on our way to teh club theres fierworks and ppl shouting celebrating the match we watched#we get to the club we get drinks we start dancing#THE GUY WHO I WENT OUT WITH ONCE AND WHOS OBSESS3D WITH ME BUT NOW PRETENDS I DONT EXIST IS IN THE VERY SAME CLUB AT THE SAME TIME#man#thinks get heated between me and one of these guys we just met#long story short we made out (s&m by rihanna in the background)#at like 3am we left the club and got back and i was glad to finally go to sleep BUt my friend just had to mention that she had whiskey#so we stayed up till 6am in front of our dorm building drinking and being stupid in general#ive got photos of me braiding one of the guys hair and laying on teh ground lol#so anyways#oh also one of the guys lost the fucking thingy ? they give you when youre leaving your stuff in the cloakroom or whatever#so while we were waiting for the cloakroom guy to return with his jacket he was like 'listen i lost the fucking thing#'the moment he returns with my jacket you grab it and we fucking run out of here you hear me?'#and we fucking did 💀#most importantly i got told im a good kisser that night 💯💯💯 but still all that kissing and touching did nothing for me like i said#felt bad for the guy bc he was ..... hmmmmm eager and he was fukcing trying ok so i was out there fake moaning so he doesnt feel bad lol💀
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Not me having a breakdown past midnight because I have to go back to work Monday and I don't want to.
#misc#what if the concept of working didn't exist uh?#joke aside#i hear older people close to retirement saying they don't want to work anymore#and im like that in my early 30s lmao#and i can't publicly that i don't want to work#cause it's not socially acceptable#but it's the truth#i haven't done shit to find any other job#because in all honesty#i feel no desire towards any work whatsoever#i don't care about discovering x or y#it's all shit#anyway#this just hit me randomly right now#my brain reminded me of that#i mean every time it's hard#it's hard when it's after a break week where i did absolutely nothing whatsoever and come back with guilt#but it's hard after travelling too#starting to think travelling is just the more expensive adult version of escapism#like i don't want to kill myself anymore#but i like to absolutely forget i have a shitty life anyway for a few days#and i had a good time#(well not this week I'm just sick for the whole week)#but i am hitting the wall of reality#and the guilt will come too cause yeah i haven't cleaned my shit#and i absolutely don't want to come back to work#but i haven't done shit to put myself out of this situation#cause this requires working somewhere else#short story long story there's no possible escape road
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remember when delirium was worried about destruction being gone and it was rooted in her loneliness and genuine love for her siblings and the other endless wanted to ignore her sudden upset over this because she's delirium and she gets this way sometimes, don't worry about it, she'll forget soon enough so it really doesn't matter at all. I should get to bludgeon all of them with a bat for that.
#no i am not sparing dream he was nodding along with them. eat wood you little cunts.#the value and intensity of emotions are never qualified by their duration. if someone feels something at a point especially over a#long standing subject then it is most likely that this is not new nor temporary sentiment but simply a flareup of existing emotions that#have become too large and intense to reasonably handle for any variety of reasons. just because shes only saying it now doesnt mean its not#always there but just that she now feels it umanageable enough to seek outside help which SHOULD be provided by an emotional safety net#COUGH COUGH HER FUCKING SIBLINGS.#their dismissal only exacerbated the problem and her inability to clearly articulate her distress only confirmed in their minds the wisdom#of the very action thats causing the fucking problem. which isnt her fault but theirs for assuming that because she wasnt performing what#they needed to see that it did not deserve to be seen at all.#the fact that this is the pervasive attitude of the endless explains so goddamned much about dream and desire while making their#mutual toxicity and self loathing all the more insipid and potent.#it lays bare a massive ill-functioning mechanic of their family unit and makes reference to real world issues in families with disabilities#so long story short i should get to beat their faces in with my therapy bat. called such because it is therapeutic. to me.#delirium of the endless#the endless#the sandman
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man what the fuck
#JUST WHEN I FELT COMFORTABLE ENOUGH WITH A LABEL DID I START QUESTIONING MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE#long story short there is this person i feel like they're super cool and i really really really want to be friends w them but#its not how i typically feel about wanting to be friends with someone else??? one of my friends was like maybe you have a crush on them#like what the fuck#anyway im queer now?????? not aroace anymore what the fuck#really thought i had that one in the bag#i mean this is mainly only for romantic but ??? i dont even know if its real or if i literally just wanna be their frienf#BUT I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON SOMEONE EVER???#so WHATS THE DIFFERENCE#and this person is mainly just vibes we've interacted like 3 times and had surface level conversations wtf is happening#im done actuslly im just done carinh
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Turns out I'm living in an All or Nothing style comedy because my roommate (and their best friend) are both bi and dealing with Bi Thoughts (their words)
I am as ace as possible
Truly is an All or Nothing sort of world we live in
#syncrovoid.txt#rambling#now if only i could get my roommate's friend to stop aggressively flirting with me that'd be great#this weekend i wanted to write and doodle and work on my own projects!#not.. be dragged into a galentines (i am not a gal? i am masc agender?) where their friend arrived hours early and had a bit of a breakdown#but also kept grinding agsinst me and flirting even though I've told them i am not interested and they are aware??#they told my roommate that they could fix me. shame be upon them and their lack of modesty#(not to just but they changed pants in the middle of a room full of people they did not know. for why??#we have other rooms? a bathroom? a hallway even??)#it was.. unpleasant#unsure how to mentally categorize these experiences other than “for what reason mist they have happened?”#anywho! long story short all my writing plans are now delayed because this person would not LEAVE our house?#i made them food because they're diabetic and had a crash but they also like. did not ask and said all our food was bad and wouldn't eat#so baffling and confusing? i do my best not to judge in life (for i find it meaningless) but in this situation it is hard to withhold#i do hope if they do come over again that they stop trying to “fix” me (idk if it's the agender aromantic or asexual they wish to fix??)#tw aphobia#aroace#i just try to exist#ALSO the vampire allegations are growing and not leaving??? for why??
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Rotten to the Core ~ Disney's Descendents
ok i think queenie and mary have mal and evie vibes so im going to go with queenie as she's the more. evil of the two but disney evil where she's just sort of a bitch occasionally. however its part of her personality so she's allowed to have a moment occasionally
#its all part of her ~*tragic backstory*~ also im just now realising how bad supercorp has leaked into these two#um. this feels shorts so heres queenie trivia#her full name is victoria. she is transgender and named herself after a different oc of mine who is dead at the time of her story#she's interested in historical media but since she's from the future our current media is history to her#even thought they live in a magic world or whatever all our modern shows exist. she enjoys the bold and the beautiful#which is an american soap opera. she is also a fan of neighbours and home and away. her thoughts on katya are similar to mine#albeit slightly more mentally ill about her#hm. she's a lesbian but didn't come out as lesbian until she was 18. she came out as trans at 14#she has a long lost brother except he's not really long lost she was instead. her father is dead and her mother doesnt speak to her#her favorite song is sun bleached flies by ethel cain. teaching children to gamble is a hobby of hers#she owns a roulette wheel but only uses it when she has jackson and his friends over. thats all i can think of for now
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ykw sometimes its better to just cancel the show
#s/he speaks#yes this is abt killing eve#(no i still havent gotten to the end it just keeps getting worse....... im here for the helene and villaneve scenes only atp)#and specifically the parallels between it and nbc hannibal#im gonna try to not go off too much bc i have enough thought to turn this into a 5 page essay#but basically#1. i feel like i dont even need to say this but if what happened to a show as popular as ke instead happened to a show a male oriented show#esp one with gay main characters. all of the writers would be in witness protection rn the backlash would have been deadly#2. besides the obvious point of misogyny and lesbophobia/hatred? discomfort? disinterest? with f/f relationships#it genuinely would have been better in the long term for ke to have ended on s3#i dont like s3 all that much but even w that being said it would have been 1000x better if it just. ended at the bridge scene#and now w the parallels to hannibal - a good chunk of what keeps hannibal alive even today (besides the great story characters etc etc)#is the fact that it was cancelled with an ambiguous ending. its the perfect recipe for endless fanfics and keeping the audience alive#by keeping them hoping that *maybe* someday there will be more to come no matter how unrealistic the expectation is#meanwhile w killing eve the fact that it is officially over there is no hope#our s4 *is there*. its there and its shit and we just have to live with it because there are no second chances#sure ppl can and do write fanfics abt alt endings and ppl still make edits n whatnot but it feels like the fandom is just dead/dying#bc any and all memory of even the best parts of the show gets tainted by the knowledge of how it ends and of how badly they fumbled it#and even worse when you KNOW it didnt have to be like that. it could have been good. and yet#idk. i said id keep this short but im still rambling i just have a lot of thoughts#i wanna post ke stuff but this is just killing any enthusiasm i had for the show so far#which is so fucking stupid bc i love it even with the shit last season and i cherish it sm its one of my all time favs im just devastated t#and esp as an excath and bi woman. s4 feels like a straight up personal attack on my own bs that i was forced to deal w#i wish women got better media i wish shows focused almost exclusively on women more i wish there were more morally grey/evil mc women#i wish representation of bi/les women existed outside of sanitized desexualized “pure bean” femxfem media#(tumblr deleted half my tags so rewriting) idk i just wish this type of show wasnt so fucking rare and that woman centred media wasnt so#“softened down” ig??? idk how to describe it but it just feels like theres no way to get any dark/gritty female media w/o it having like.#a shit ton of misogynistic violence sexualization and sa. esp when you add f/f pairings in it#like can we be fucking happy. for once. pls#rant over ig
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#The worst thing about being quote unquote Sane now#is that the crippling fear of death and panic attacks have reared their ugly heads again#From 6 on it was a constant panic of OH GOD NO and trying to wrap my tiny little kid brain around the idea of not existing any more#then I got depressed and suicidal and just generally went nutty as my Dad helpfully described it#and the fear went away!#It was brilliant!#Sounds backwards and absolutely every thing else was fucking awful at that time but for the first time since I knew what it was#I was ok and at peace with the thought of death#then I got better (long story short not actually technically mentally ill it was just my thyroid trying to murder me)#and kept feeling fine about it for a few years#but oh man its come back swinging now#Literally the one good thing I got from that whole experience and its gone again ffs#Can't go for a second without something to listen to/ watch or The Thoughts come back#Time to break out the panic attack playlist again#its mostly old Achievement Hunter minecraft and GTA5 videos#or the Red Web twins on a ghost hunt#don't mind me just needed to get that out
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the curve
somehow ive found myself in a position where folks come to chuck in times of strife for encouragement. lets get the big part of this conversation out of the way LOVE IS STILL REAL and that is the thing to remember. that north star remains. today there is more to talk about though
existence pushes towards love community and freedom, because CREATION is what we were built to do and creation thrives with these things as fuel. IT GETS BETTER. LOVE IS REAL. however this change comes in up and down waves. its not a straight line and should not be expected to be
some of these waves are short and small, and some of the slopes are years or decades long. there is no mincing words here, we are entering a massive downward wave. the implications are huge and it is okay to mourn that. FEEL THOSE FEELINGS. it is an important part of the ride
the most telling sign post on our slope is this: tromp won the popular vote (or likely will when the votes are done). we can talk POLITICAL STRATEGY all day about electoral college or who should court the center or the left and on and on but ultimately THIS is the real story
to me it signals a TRUE cultural shift. likely conservatives will have presidency, senate, house, and supreme court. WHAT A GIANT SLOPE. HOLD THE HECK ON because we will be riding it for a while, deep into the pit of the void. hold your buds tight, prove love at the local level
but heres the thing, MASSIVE waves have happened before. theyll happen again. mind numbing slopes into the abyss and great soaring leaps into the sky. in fact the inertia almost ALWAYS causes them to happen right after each other. hippies or punks back in the day, buckaroos now
politically we were trapped in a basically fifty fifty trot for a long time, but it was not always like this (just look at old election maps what the heck). to be honest, tromps map looks like one of those old maps right now. and DANG did COUNTER MOVEMENTS blooms from those times
in other words, THERE WILL BE A COUNTER CULTURE MOVEMENT THAT WE HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE IN OUR LIFETIMES. you are now a rebel for the resistance and the wave that will swing back towards love will awe us in ways we cannot even imagine yet.
but for now, feel those feelings, mourn, prove love, stay safe. do not let the hope i am espousing feel like a distraction from the very real, even deadly consequences of the terrible pit we are plummeting into. it is a horrible day, and FUTURE HOPE does not diminish that, BUT
get ready because that counter culture wave is coming and YOU are a part of it. if you want to shout HECK OFF DEVILS then shout it LOUD, if you want to cry then cry HARD, if you want to love then love with your WHOLE HEART. thats the start of the movement that we dont know yet
when that movement takes shape we will feel the inertia of the curve and it may make us sick from the rollercoaster turn, and that pressure will be uncomfortable and scary, but THEN buckaroo, we will soar, and ill be so dang glad to be holding on tight with you when we do
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Sighs and makes a token bloodfiend nugget
#rat rambles#oc posting#I wasn't going to but one of my older nuggets has been needing literally anything for me to work with for a while now#and Ive been coming up with some ideas but for them to work Id need them to be at least semi immortal which Im sure I could bullshit some#justification for but bloodfiend is much easier plus it does work well with the concepts I have rn#long story short they (parker) got very existential about the weight of time and the concept of eternal suffering as a wee bloodfiend#for a bit they sought to make themself as empty and unfeeling as they could until they realized what they saw as emptyness was in itself an#experience that they were in fact experiencing and feeling and they got even more existential about the nature of existing and what it#means to exist and decided that to exist is an imperfection but that one cannot simply stop existing so all there is to do is wait#which lead to them forming a more laid back attitue generally speaking but with a thick layer of judgement towards everyone around them#they consider themself deeply merciful to those around them as while you cannot stop existing you can cut off traits and experiences#which they generally dont see as worth doing due to how taking away certain experiences leads to new ones but they do still see death as#barely a net gain in value just not enough so to become a serial killer over it#and again they see themself as super merciful and forgiving for not murdering people more and for generally 'trying' to be kind to others#theyre more polite than anything and polite very much does not equal kind especially in this instance#they have made plenty of enemies through their strong sense of self righteousness and said enemies include many family members#they dont mind though. they understand that most would be broken by the revelations theyve had (it did break them but dont tell them that)#(also theyre yknow wrong in general but this is abt how they view reality)
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