#lol so i responded to that friend of mine bcs i was hurt but also very pissed off

[jentlemahae]

-

[monstersinthecosmos]

20 Qs for fic writers

Tagged by @jacqulinetan

1. How many works do you have on A03? 46 public, 3 private, 2 anon.

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 692, 623!

3. What fandoms do you write for? VC and Sheith with a few YOI fics thrown in. 😊

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? Star Eater, THE FRONT, Tonight the Stars Revolt!, Wayfinder, and Zero Hour!

5. Do you respond to comments? YES! I only share fics because I want comments lmfao. I want to talk to you!!! Sometimes I do like a quarterly roundup so I let them pile up and then answer them all every 3 months lol but I do try to reply to everybody!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I think for Sheith it’s C O A G V L A and for VC it’s The Lotus Eater or Gallows Bird? (The Lotus Eater and Gallows Bird have the Armand & Marius versions of the same ending bc Gallows Bird was a TLE remix LOL) Sfaíra Ti̱s Fo̱tiás also has a really bleak ending but it’s a PWP so it doesn’t hurt me as bad LOL.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? For Sheith it’s THE FRONT I think? For VC idk maybe Right Where it Belongs or In the Trials of the Heart?

8. Do you get hate on fics? I’ve gotten a lot of hate in fandom at large but never really got flagrant hate in an AO3 comment. I do occasionally get a rude unsolicited critique and I like to use that as an opportunity to write meta about why my decision was correct LOL

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I only write smut, thanks! WHAT KIND? idk I lean into BDSM but there's a few that aren't BDSM. I also write canon-compliant VC smut so it's either a vampire servicing a human or me trying to make blood drinking sound as horny as possible.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I used to when I was a teenager on my old accounts but it doesn’t really interest me anymore outside of like maybe a cute lil homage Easter Egg or something.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I don’t think so!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I haven’t co-written in a long time but I used to! One of my fav fics from high school was written with my best friend where we alternated chapters and it was so much fun!  

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Sheith and Marius/Armand and Armand/Daniel and Marius/Pandora !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those are my fav ships to WRITE, I don’t really read a lot of VC though. I have lots of other fav ships to read.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I don’t start stuff that I won’t finish adsgjl when I was in high school my FFnet page was a DISASTER just like 60 fics, none of them finished, and so when I returned to fic writing using AO3 I promise myself not to post stuff that I wasn’t confident I’d finish. Ideally I don’t even begin sharing something until it’s finished but TTSR was an exception bc it started as a PWP and got out of hand.

16. What are your writing strengths? I get complimented the most on tension and pacing! Also on emotional meta like characters' behavior around trauma.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I really wish I was better at writing long fics. It’s been a goal of mine forever and I’ve gotten a little better but I’m not where I want to be.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Gjkaldsg I don’t think it’s necessary and often comes off as cheesy unless it serves a real purpose. I've seen it done really well before! (Clap When You Land by Elizabeth Acevedo came to mind!) And I think we’ve all seen this done badly enough in fanfic to kind of learn what not to do. I think there are times when the beauty and cadence of another language can add texture or say something that you simply can’t say in the default language, I also think it can be used to create a distance between the characters, even between the reader and the character. I used a lot of Latin in So Falls the World for example, because Marius and Pandora are reciting an ancient poem to each other, and it was important to me to leave it in Latin because I wanted to communicate their age, that they’re clinging to something archaic because it’s familiar to them, when it’s incongruous to the world around them and also the text around them. Same with the misinterpretation of silence and its disastrous consequences, where Louis is reciting a French poem. I mean do we assume that Louis and Lestat speak French to each other at home anyway? But putting the poem in the original language AT LEAST FOR ME created a sense that Louis is playing a role, that it’s something outside of himself. Basically I think media does this all the time and we are smart enough to know that the language we’re consuming might not be the language the characters are actually speaking, we all know that! So the question is, when people sprinkle random words into their stories or dialogue, I ask: What purpose did this serve? Is this how bilingual people actually talk? Is it written for bilingual readers as a shared experience or is it meant to confuse monolingual readers for effect? Is it used sparingly to add texture, is it just a fun word that you want to use? Do whatever you want but I think we need to ask ourselves these questions before writing something that’s a sloppy mess at best, and a racist caricature at worst!

19. First fandom you wrote for? Pro wrestling =P

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? Tonight the Stars Revolt! is my fav Sheith fic, it’s like my magnus opus that I do all my meta work for, everything I’ve thought deeply about was ultimately for this fic, I HAVENT UPDATED IT IN ALMOST 2 YEARS IM REALLY SORRY LIFE KINDA GOT AWAY FROM ME IT’S BEEN HECTIC but I think about it constantly, more than you know, I have 3 playlists for it that I listen to all the time, it’s just always on my mind. For VC it used to be So Falls the World but now that I wrote Gallows Bird I think it’s that, too. I can’t tell if it’s because Gallows Bird is just newer and less sloppy LOL but jkdlhakjgsd I THINK I AVOIDED WRITING MARIUS FIC FOR A LONG TIME BC I WAS INTIMIDATED BUT THE TIMES I DO WRITE HIM I HAVE SUCH A BLAST and I just love him so much!

TAGGING: @hekateinhell @apoptoses @mothmage @nothing-but-paisley @covenofthearticulate @lovevamp @bubblegum-blackwood & EVERYONE ELSE

[urlocalwormtoday]

Subjects, Faceless and Voiceless ARG Analysis

ELLOELLO ‼️‼️ you might've heard a friend of mine started an ARG, and so, tis the time to analyze everything we've gotten so far >:D

BEYOND THIS LINE INCLUDES SPOILERS FOR MY FRIEND @honeyzee312 's REALLY COOL ARG ON YT ‼️‼️

real quick disclaimer, I do have confirmation on some of my theories and small pieces of trivia bc at the time of initial analyzing I was chilling with zee irl TvT

ANYHOW;;; here's the pieces I have so far

Miscellaneous (not a video/common knowledge) :

- that hot pink color (we see it during the first video, Stars, at timestamp 0:28) is important

- the videos of the ARG are all mixedmatched at different times, so not all of them occur one after the other

- it all takes place sometime between 2015 and 2024

- there's an odd glitchiness that appears whenever we change scenes or somebody gets hurt

- soneone hit and killed somebody with a car in 2015, that's why that year is so important

Stars :

- Purple first appears

- Pink color and static for the first time

- Red first appears

- Blue first appears

- We learn Blue's name is Kayebee

- Red asks if Blue/Kayebee remembers something, to which they respond they do

There's not a whole lotta lore in this one I don't think, but I have been told to look deeper. The phrase 'lose the stars' is interesting and quite ominous :o

Liar :

- Teal first appears

- Teal is calling somebody ('he' pronoun) a liar as Blue/Kayebee narrates

- Pink and static again, scene changes

- Splotches of pink in the background of the next scene ? (I have gained confirmation that pink will not be a subject/character in the future so that's been ruled out)

- More pink, it fills up the entire screen but only ever when purple is talking and disappears when Red's dialogue appears

- I've received confirmation that there's three separate scenes; first one with Teal and Blue, second with Purple and Red, third with Red and Teal

- Purple asks if Red hates them, Red doesn't know

- Teal begins saying a name to Red in the next scene, 'Koki-' before getting cut off

- The two both call each other liars but never deny the accusations that either of them are liars

This one's interesting.. The scene switches confused me for a bit, but overall just raises more questions

Sorry :

- Scene begins with a conversation between Teal and Blue

- Teal asks if 'he' is okay and Blue asks Teal to define okay

- Teal says sorry a lot 0-0

- 'He doesn't forgive you!' from Blue to Teal

There's not a whole lot in this one that I can see either, but as I write this it has reminded me to check the descriptions more often

Trees :

- I've received confirmation trees aren't symbolic of anything, they're just pretty and something to be adored lol

- Blue, Red, and Purple chilling

- Red insults Purple, Purple hits Red, then static

Okay this one's just pretty and chill 🥹

6/8 :

- Title is a reference to a measure of music, and is a reference to Le Cygnus I've been told

- Blue and Red open up a scene

- Red is extra tired today :o

- Blue wants to show Red a song, static fills the screen as we switch scenes

- Purple is trying to calm Teal

- Static, we switch scenes

- Lilac first appears :DD

Lilac !!!!! Lilac intrigues me like a bug intrigues a scientist.. I wanna put them under a microscope and study them

Rain :

- 'on that night..' the night of the vehicular manslaughter, I'm assuming

- Static appears, switch scenes

- Green first appears!! welcome, world, to my handwriting >:]

- Red is either concussed or the rain gives them headaches

- The show begins being mentioned, and apparently Lilac wasn't tipped in on what it's about

- Blue, Green, Lilac, and Red all watch the show together

- Static, scene swap

- 'oh. my. god' from Purple, supposedly something bad

Oughh Green also intrigues me (partially because they have my handwriting lmao),, I wanna see more of them

The Show! :

- Blue begins narration

- Static, we return to Teal and Purple, Teal is panicking. Maybe the show was a news broadcast of some kind ?

- Teal apparently tipped off the cops, and told them 'they' (they as in plural, two or more) were nonviolent; I assume this is referring to the vehicular manslaughter TvT

- Static, we return to the bigger group

- Lilac is asking where 'she' is

- Green tells Lilac 'she' ran

- Lilac maybe didn't watch the show ??

- Static

- Red has a high fever, blue picks them up :,]

The plural 'them' is very interesting, I wonder if we'll ever get to meet them. It's been so long since I've had to pick apart a puzzle like this before I didn't realize how much I missed it lol

I most definitely haven't put together everything yet, but I eagerly await new material (no pressure btw Zee !! dw if u start running outta steam, it happens to the best of us lol) to put under my brain microscope :0

[fluffypotatey]

Hello! Sorry to send you this without any art, but I am curious to know something. You know of the quote "it's rotten work" and it's variations, right? May I introduce you to mine: "It's rotten work. Especially if it's me. Especially to you. But dear god, I'll fucking do it."

What do you think it says to you?

Also, do you think that upon reflection from the mountain screaming match, whenever Macaque actually makes SWK actually, truly angry in an argument, instead of screaming back, he just shuts his mouth and goes quiet instead, giving Macaque the silent treatment by avoiding him and avoiding talking to him, not to punish him, but so that he wouldn't accidentally say anything to start a worse fight? Like, "I'm super pissed at you (and also about something else) but I don't want to take it out on you so I'm just not going to acknowledge you until I cool down enough". He won't obviously leave the room if Macaque's around, he just won't respond to him. How do you think Macaque is gonna react to that new response? Might be OOC for SWK, but please indulge me in this anyway.

Have a good month! Might start doing sketches of Júhua again soon.

hey! dw it’s totally fine for you to send me asks whenever or whatever, art or not, I love receiving asks anyways 🥰

“It's rotten work. Especially if it's me. Especially to you. But dear god, I'll fucking do it."

ngl this is one of my favorite variations of the original quote simply because it fits a lot of my favorite ship dynamics 😂 mostly because to me, it means “I love you. I want to cherish you as you deserve, but dear lord will it take some work! But if it’s for you, I’ll do it.” (this is why I love merthur, thiam, and shadowpeach)

[long answer under the cut]

in the context of shadowpeach, I can see this quote working for both Sun Wukong and Macaroni post-s4 where they are willing to try and rekindle something from their past. to me, the past seasons were mostly the two of them not giving at all: Marconi was upset and bitter and vengeful while Wukong viewed Macaroon as a hinderance and just another past friend who wants his head and chose projecting his issues onto MK as a nice alternative (I’m sure Wukong was deeply hurt by Mac’s desire to kill or harm him, but ngl Monkey King’s gif a hard shell to crack, so outward appearance is simply annoyance and distain. which is ironic given that it’s Mac is the most stand-offish compared to Wukong’s friendliness but we aren’t here to talk about that and I need to stay on track)

but then we get to the s4 special, and it’s at this point where swk had (most likely) been running through his past memories and being met with all his past regrets and mistakes. he is literally being forced to face through issues this monkey has spent over centuries burying, trying to forget, and trying to forgive himself for. funny how in his attempt to escape death (which he succeeded. 7 times over), Wukong found a new thing to run from :3 ahaha, how hilarious 🫠

meanwhile, we got Macadoo, newly reformed and possible 2nd mentor to MK post-s3. given what was shown in the show in s3 finale and 4x09, Mac has kept to himself. it’s possible he’s been freeloading off of FFM without Sun Wukong’s knowledge (would not be surprised lol) and keeping a safe distance from danger whilst staying close enough to be there if needed (which is funny bc tho Mac acts like he doesn’t want to help or be there, it’s very clear he stayed to be like a last resort for MK)

however, reformed he may be, Macky still finds it in himself to take a stab at Wukong. though we didn’t see him do it to swk at the s4 finale, i wouldn’t put it past him doing the same thing in later episodes. by the end of s4, it is clear that both monkeys want to try and have some kind of truce, but both are still hurt by the other. unfortunately, while Wukong had plenty of centuries to process his pain and move on, Mac hasn’t (because death, then revenge post-resurrection as you do). frankly, i have a feeling that Macackle’s “processing phase” (for some reason idk what else to call it) began post-s3 bc he had time in his hands now. time to really sit down and think.

that being said, Mac only had about a year or so of time to really process his anger and broken relationship with Wukong (and other traumatic shit like LBD and dying and no longer being dead), so he might still find it in himself to lash out or poke the beat that is Wukong since them no longer being at odds is weird and scary and too dangerous for him.

meanwhile, you have Wukong who wants to try and rekindle the old friendship or be able to forgive himself for how his past self treated their old relationship. he has already gone through a journey on how to better control his anger and grudges. not to mention he spent 500 years isolated from everybody, so his past reaction to retaliate is more subdued. also, he did promise MK that he would be a better mentor: be more honest, be more present, be supportive of MK & who he is friends with (aka, Macncheese)

so, yeah, I can see Wukong being the one to hold back from lashing back at Marconi if the guy did try and push his buttons. and I absolutely see how he fits as the speaker for that quote in the coming season with the potential of him repeating it like a mantra while Mackerel is macscheming ways to infuriate him further in an episode

[aropride]

hi

hello internet strangers want to hear about my personal life as per usual

well as those familiar w my lore know my title ix case (us-specific college thing where, tldr, if u get sexually assaulted u can do a little mini court case thru ur school) is finally fucking over + i won . which is awesome. unfortunately the respondent (title ix word for "person who did the assaulting") got preeeetty much no sanctions at all . like literally nothing changed . the lawyer recommended they be moved to the other dorm hall but they couldnt, so basically they got put on probation and that's it. Lmao. which means my situation is WORSE than before i filed the complaint, bc b4 i filed the complaint they were in the other dorm hall, and then they moved to mine. but i can't do shit about it unless i want to take my school to, like, court.

well anyway the respondent's life changed in no meaningful way Except they moved out of the dorms last month by their own choice. i assumed that meant they were embarassed abt what they did But i guess not. Bc they've been getting really into on campus events and hanging out in the central building that i like to hang out at. and its like. okay. whatever.

but the thing is . theyve been going to a lot of queer-centric events recently . and while im the only person whos filed a complaint or won a case against them. i am not the only victim i know that for a fact and the other victim is also a queer person. So can you see why im worried about someone who managed to sexually assault two queer people within the first week of living on campus like, integrating themself into the community like nothing fucking happened

and theres this school dance coming up in a couple weeks and im worried that will give them an opportunity to like. hurt someone else.

and i want people to KNow what they did because i dont feel safe with them on campus anyway but i especially dont feel safe now theyre talking to people and making friends (especially bc most of their friends r like. friends of friends. like i dont know them but i know of them yk) . i dont know what theyre saying about me (if anything) and i especially dont know if theyve hurt anyone else. and they might have! because they demonstrated a frankly dangerous lack of regard for consent repeatedly Like i think this is a genuinely dangerous person, whether by malice or stupidity or both, and i dont want anyone else to get hurt

BUT THE KICKER IS...! well first of all we're bound by a no-contact order (baby version of a restraining order). you cant be in the same classes and you cant talk to each other (irl, online, or thru a 3rd person) the title ix coordinator has provided jack shit about what a no contact order actually entails btw lol 😒. But if i were to tell someone and they went and told that person, idk if that would be considered 3rd party contact, which would get Me in trouble

i also dont know if it would be considered "breaking confidentiality" if i said their name- again, don't know jack shit, don't have documentation of the actual rules i'm supposed to be following. but i really dont feel like this is a safe situation for this person to be on campus with no one knowing what they did

im also just generally worried about them finding out ive told people and getting mad and going to the coordinator and me getting in trouble when the only reason im even considering this is bc, again, the school didnt do jack shit

and i dont even know How i would tell aynone . like im not rly friends with most of these people . i see them around and some of them i think are cool but theyre not friends or really even aquaintences . so it would be fucking weird .

but i dont know what to do and i dont want anyone else to get hurt . and i know thats not on Me, but. i also dont want to sit back and Know. and not say anytthing

[dogstarblues]

20 Questions

got tagged by @artemis-devotee. seemed like fun! ty botan!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

i have 11 works and i can tell you four of those are poetry.

2. What’s your total AO3 words count?

17,831

3. What fandoms do you write for?

on ao3? used to write for the ch**tiverse, still write for Victoria Goddard's Nine Worlds. well, okay im on hiatus from participating in fan stuff bc i got too much going on and i have complicated feelings abt fandom. but. on ffnet? naruto, inuyasha, bleach, fairy tail, danny phantom. i think.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

we have time (love this one - much needed natural hair content in that fandom, much needed)

you can't even see how much you're mine (i'm really proud of this one)

before we have time

just for now

gazing at the sun

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i respond to everyone's comments if i can remember LOL

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

you can't even see how much you're mine. really exorcised my polyamory baggage with that one LMAO

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

mmmmm none of them end poorly but they end heavily, if that makes sense? but also they don't. like most of my fanfiction as an adult in my 30s is discussion of wants and needs in a relationship and hashing out things that need to be talked abt

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i have on ffnet when i was a teen and giving every naruto character in my biopunk fanfic like 4 codenames SDKVDFLVMS

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yuh. "just for now" is smut (old man yaoi). and there's another i think. i wanted to really confront my sex repulsion and explore my own boundaries around what i write.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

naur i never understood crossovers v well. i love an AU tho

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

probably not. on ffnet it was SO goth edgelord and now it's extremely poetic prose. (and when i say POETIC prose i mean it tend to be concise and abstract, not that its purple) who wants that LOL

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

naur

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

yes! my first fanfiction was with my childhood friend Sunshine and we posted a double-self-insert absolute MANIC fanfic set in the world of Inuyasha posted to ffnet. one of my fondest memories. i dictated, she wrote.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

i don't have one these days but i shant say what it used to be only that it made me insane from the time i was 14 to the age of 25.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

i had an old man yaoi urban fantasy au wherein a character who used to be the chosen one had been imprisoned and was surviving the trauma of that as a music teacher and i read a ton of prison literature for it and watched documentaries and watched interviews and spent WEEKS researching trauma from incarceration and what it means to be incarcerated (part of this was because my birth father was about to be incarcerated and i was trying to write through my understanding of what he'd be going through) and researching what town councils do. and then a (now former) friend had torn apart the fic paragraph by paragraph during beta and wrote how boring parts were and no one wanted to hear abt me talking abt poetry in the fanfic and it was my FIRST fanfic since i was in my early twenties and i basically deleted the whole thing out of embarrassment and hurt. iykyk who it was. idk if i can ever go back to that. i just don't. i want to but. even strangers in workshops aren't that cruel LOL

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'm a pretty/poetic writer good at relationship shit i think. i'm good at grounding the reader in a sense of place and my writing is very tactile. it's embodied.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i am a pretty/poetic writer

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i know some spanish and a little french and even less russian (i'm like learning that one through osmosis) but it's not v applicable. hmmmm i wouldn't try unless i was fluent.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

inuyasha

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

either the naruto biopunk fanfiction on ffnet (i turned that one into a fanfic from a biopunk short story i had written in high school it's v close to my heart even if edgy) or "you can't even see how much you're mine" bc i put a lot into that or "we have time" because your partner doing your natural hair IS a love language.

if yall wanna hop in i'm tagging @toopunkrockforshul @cadencekismet @markeyverse

[libra-stellium]

I feel so guilty about not inviting this girl to my bday bc we were basically best friends from like 2014 to last year?? Then this year idek she like ghosted me in March and then I brought it up and we talked and she apologized and said how basically responding was mentally taxing for her and was giving her anxiety the more time went on and then we were talking fine until she ghosted again in May 🙃

Idk why I feel guilty lol is this people pleasing?? Bc I didn’t feel like bringing up the ghosting again bc I already did just two months before and I didn’t feel like being the first one to reach out again like 😭

My birthday is in 20 days and hers is in November and I don’t want to invite her to mine bc we left things weird and haven’t spoken so that’s not the vibe I want for my birthday and I also don’t know what I would even say!

I’m overthinking it bc now I’m like what if I don’t invite her to mine but she invites me to hers in November? I’ll feel like a dick! What if I invite her to mine but she doesn’t invite me to hers?? That would hurt!! And if she doesn’t invite me to hers and we both didn’t go to each other’s birthdays and that feels like it solidifies the friendship is over 🙃

Very awkward place to be in 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

[borderline-gays-club]

Progress moment id like to share!!!

Ok so I went on like 3 dates with a guy over the span of like 2ish months? Prob less time, but anyway doesn’t matter. And things were going well till the 3rd date…

He didn’t fully confirm the time till like a day before, he showed up almost an hour late (and smelled of booze from the nite before), and then broke a boundary of mine at the end (although he said he misunderstood me. At this point idk if I wasn’t clear enough or hes just saying that. Idk doesn’t matter now).

Anyway yah all pretty bad things, even if none of it was malicious. But I seriously considered still giving him a chance as long as he never repeated all those things.

But then I started to feel conflict internally. I was feeling like I wanted to hide all these things from my friend (who’s opinion I deeply value and respect), and started to feel like I had to like “teach” him a lot of shit.

So I really sat with the feeling and sorted thru my data rather than listening to the voice in my head that likes to gaslight me.

And according to the data I gathered from just observing and interacting with him, he actually had a good amount of red flags that were more subtle (at least for me). I’ll list them just for me to look back on.

-bartender that drinks for his job (personal red flag cus ppl that drink heavily are triggering for me)

-mentioned blacking out recently

-definitely has been in the service industry for a while (red flag cus ppl tend to get stuck in that cycle and I would kno)

-mentioned something a bit strange abt turning empathy on and off. (Mayb not a red flag but I guess I was more confused abt it)

-didn’t follow thru with something I asked him to do (wasn’t taking it serious enough).

-was pretty bad at communicating, like didn’t respond for over a week when trying to make plans.

And ya there were prob more little things I just can’t remember but those are the ones I can think of rn.

So ya looking at all of this I was like damn..I guess he’s got to go!! Bc also I notice a red flag in myself is when I feel the need to b sneaky and like omit information. And like trying to excuse or reason with myself that’s oh theyre not bad, they’re not malicious etc.

And to note, bc my past experiences with ppl have been so horrendous, my scale of wat is ok and wat isn’t is incredibly fucked. Where basically if it’s not blatantly terrible then I’m like welll it can change! Or like it’s fine I can ignore it!

In conclusion, even if ppl aren’t malicious or actively trying to hurt me, if they cannot meet me where I’m at and respect my time and energy then it simply cannot work.

It’s taken me so long to be able to really be active abt this but I’m here now and I’m proud of myself for ending things with him. Bc honestly it prob would’ve just gotten worse if he showed me that much of himself so early on.

I don’t have hard feelings towards him, and I was excited to pursue this D/s dynamic with him but unfortunately it didn’t work. It was hard to make that decision, and tbh I cried abt it, but I’d rather b disappointed than to have my fucking heart shattered and pummeled again lol.

All I have to do is see all the mistakes I made in my most recent relationship and how it just destroyed me bc I actively ignored all the red flags. NEVER AGAIN!! I fucking refuse.

[mhagun]

TokRev boys taking care of their (usually responsible and level-headed) drunk s/o ⁉

Ken “Draken” Ryuguji:

-tbh ONE of the most responsible out of everyone here.

-You were usually more calm and composed than most of the people he hung out with ei: Baji, Mikey, smiley, angry, etc., so when he had come back to pick you up after you had gone out with your friends and found you shit. faced. Tbh lowkey astonished.

- “How much have they had ???????” “A few cocktails, maybe 7 or 8?” “SEVEN OR EIGHT ????”

- Refuses to talk to your friends for a while even after you sober up later. Like, you’re their friend? Why weren’t they looking out for you?? They seemed sober enough, so what were you guys doing in the first place that got you wasted and them tipsy at most??? Anyways-

-Now to the actual taking care of you part !

-Draken was actually pretty surprised when you were calmer most of the way during the car ride back to his place, maybe it was because you were typically a calm person but either way he was relieved. That was until you started panicking. He didn’t know what to do and he was just around the corner from his penthouse when you started grasping at the car doors, a scared look plastered onto your face.

- “Hey babes, what’s up ?” “WHERE THE HELL IS MY BOYFRIEND ??”

-Idk how you lowkey try to beat someone's ass but that’s exactly what you did lol. Or… more like tried to do? Anyways, you’re flailing around like a mad man demanding to know who he was and where you were. And then you just,,,,,, pass out ??

-Like you, deadass fell asleep in the middle of him trying to get you out of the car… But whatever, you were much calmer than before soooo, it’s a win for Draken !

- Lays you down on his couch and gives you saltines and warmed milk to raise your blood sugar and keeps all of his lights off to lessen your eventual migraine <3.

-Afterward, he makes you promise to him that if anyone around you pressures you to drink or forces you to drink, pls pls please tell him so he can bonk them on the head with his wrench.

- plus he doesn’t rlly trust you around those friends anymore.

-overall 9.8/10 rlly caring and mature bf

Baji: -THIS MENACE-

Where do I even start w/ him? *sigh*

Since he’s usually energetic (and kinda pushy) he’s asking hella questions.

“Where were you ? How much had you had ? Was it your friends or mine ? Were you pressured ? Was it hard liquor ?”

He won’t. shut. up. And frankly, it was too much for your significantly slugged-down brain to process. So how do respond to his loving nagging ? cry. Bawl your eyes out.

He definitely panicked and hugged you so that you’d stop sooner, but was just a little upset when you had harshly told him to “Just shut up !”

Of course, everything you said was slurred so it was harder to take seriously, but it still hurt nonetheless.

But ofc he’ll still take care of you ! <<<3333

He’ll let you sleep on his chest, shirtless, w/ a cool damp cloth on your forehead. And after you sober up and your still not feeling well he’ll feed you crackers and soda to help fill your tummy <3333.

Cards his hands through your hair and rubs your sides while you snore on top of him. You were wearing one of his washed-out band tees, and he knew that you would 100% not approve bcs of the sheer amount of vulgar language and sexual references in almost all of their songs. Takes hella pictures of you sleeping. The one he likes most (and also the one he had saved on his phone,) is of you w/ the band shirt clearly showing the name in the background w/ his middle finger in the forefront.

Will 100% tease you ab it while and after you have a hangover.

You ended up being late to one of your club meetings and for some reason, he gets scolded ???? “YOU SHOULD’VE WOKEN ME UP !” “And you shouldn’t’ve made so much to drink but okay~, whatever”

He did try to wake you up, but you deadass just wouldn’t. At some point, the idea that you had died jokingly crossed his mind but he knew his baby wouldn’t die on him over something so stupid lol.

Overall 8.9/10 bf he’s a bit clingy later but it’s whatever ig..

[rotshop]

You’re alright! I just got a little confused so I wanted to know, I also remember you saying you have 2B as one of your favs so I didn’t know it the Deimos stuff was bothering you. (Also don’t worry about bullying Deimos, he’s my favorite which means he gets EXTRA bullying from me (especially as Dedmos)).

2b MAY be a fav of mine but any madness combat character makes the little termites in my brain go ehehhehrepeerznebxcjekdksjejxjjejejwwiwiewu /pos

ALSO you have no idea how deranged i am abt hof so!!! i apologize in advance

Hofnarr

Chances are you messed with him a little bit at first lol. You would appear in his line of sight for a few seconds before walking around a corner or doorway and disappearing. YES it was a little mean but like..cmon...it was..a little funny...anyway eventually you like. actually show yourself when he's alone working on the improbability drive. (you just kinda loomed over him and went 'Whats that?' right next to his ear just to see him jump)

At first he was. a little scared of you. Listen. Listen he is like. relatively tall. You are fucking Skyscraper height compared to him. Not to mention, you are a pitch black figure who's been haunting him for like a week now with no word and you have ZERO facial features and he was a little too focused on his work to have really caught your tone SO he has no clue what you might be like. needless to say he is batting zero.

He kind of. hesitantly and very nervously explains his project to you for. some reason. While you just sit and listen to him. You just kinda go 'Oh cool' and then stay there and watch. He's still a little unnerved but he just keeps quiet about it.

You both just kinda fall into that routine of you showing up late at night and watching him work for a while and he warms up to you pretty quickly. It isn't long before he's distracted from the drive because he's too busy rambling to you about some memory of his or some random thing he seen that day. He can't feel too guilty abt it though because he's a little too caught up by ur laugh,,it makes him feel warm,,,

also the first time it got cold and you passed The Fuck Out he almost cried. he thought you just dropped dead or dipped bc it was late at night and he couldn't see you very well in the dark. he prefers if you stay at his apartment or whatever when it gets cold so he can keep an eye on you (also because he's really scared of other scientists finding you and freaking out and hurting you)

Tricky

For him it's probably a case of either 'oh i wonder what happened to my funny little scientist friend' or 'I GOTTA know what this guys deal is' when it comes to him.

if its the first one then you might've tried to call him Hofnarr to which he did NOT respond very well. you just tried to excuse it as best as you could. you said you'd confused him for someone else which..he doubted. like. he's fucking Deranged but he knows he doesn't look like many other people cmon. BUUUTTT on the other hand you dont seem to have eyes so. yknow.

ANYWAY he's super curious about you. thought you were the auditor first and tried to attack you but it didn't work out lmao. after that though he just kind of. stares at you a lot. and also pokes and prods at you because he's curious. ALSO tries to climb you.

whenever he climbs on you you tend to have to either just kind of. let him cling to your shoulder or just hold him. he's made a grab at your halo before but you kind of. scolded him abt it and said you didn't like it. he doesn't know why but he felt really guilty abt it and actually apologized. not a super long and heartfelt apology but still an apology nevertheless

you passed out around him once and instead of waking up to chaos like you'd expected you'd just woken up and went 'oh hey. im laying on him. cool.' he'd panicked at first bc oh shit!!! friend down :(( but he just did his best to calm down and also make you comfortable while you took ur ufcking ummm surprise nap <3. even dragged some old curtain over to act as a blanketfor you while you laid ur head on his lap or stomach

you hold him like a chihuahua while he bites at your hands (endearingly, like you know how cats give love bites or whatever?? he does that to you.)

you holding tricky: Do you have a fucking problem.

hank who's been staring for like 5 minutes now because he thinks you're the auditor and hes so fucking confused:

[jeffverse]

it’s pride month!!!!!!!! are any of the jeffs celebrating:0

no none of my guys celebrate anything they are all either too old or don’t care or both BUT they r lgbt

stat is he/him/any nonbinary bi

nine is he/him/any cis(?) pan

praline is she/her cis bi

val is he/she/they intersex nonbinary bi

six is he/him cis something….. definitely not straight

bonus: ryd is he/him trans bi

bonus 2: all of kilian and co is cishet so they’re getting excluded all month (sloan desperately wants pascal to be he/they bi)

- mod lucia

i asked this question so im ignoring what it’s saying and listing their business

blondie is cis gay

daisy is cis bi and i don’t like him

spirit is a dog

for a bonus blondies jane is a lesbian :)

actually on a side note blondie would wear one of these for pride

- mod sloan

Butting in like i always do since it's my male right in this pride month with mine. Most of my jeffs are trans and bi so! Specifics

- Dally is something and biromantic. He doesn't like to think about his gender even though in the server i joke about it, he goes by he/him but if you use she/her he's not gonna correct you but also going to stare at himself in the bathroom mirror almost ripping off the sink.

- Grease is transmasc and bisexual, as a bonus he's also canonically a dad!

- RRH is the same as Grease, transmasc and bisexual and also canonically a father. Which makes it that i have two transmasc deadbeat dad jeffs. Don't know what to do with this realization honestly (ask me about it)

- JD is pansexual and gnc! He doesn't care about gender at all and doesn't worry about how he's presenting.

- Tulpa and the system are unlabeled! They don't really worry about how they present or what they are attracted to. And they're young, so they don't really care about it. Any pronouns work for Tulpy

-Raden is also gnc and aroace! He's the sexiest mfer on this earth

-mod noah

Nathan is GAY gay as hell he has at least four rainbows on him at all time in the form of patches or pins. He's cis and he/him but you can barbie doll him into a pretty pink dress if you want

Pirate is bi and ace but he's like, twelve and hasn't figured that out yet. In his 20s he has a gender crisis but don't worry about it he's totally fine and normal

AJ is gay but has been with women in the past. He's cis but really gnc. He owns skirts and heels, is pretty good with makeup and has probably done drag in the past. His gender doesn't bother him he just does what he feels like

Darcie is trans and gay. He grew up in rural catholic Ireland in the 70s then got eeby deeby'd into the shining hotel so he only recently learned what the word transgender means. He's also homophobic sometimes but it's okay because it's funny

Tino is pansexual, aromantic and intersex. Despite his whole love theme and the amount of relationships he's had he really does not care about the whole thing, it's just a tool to him. Tino will respond to any pronouns but if you ask him what ones he prefers he'll tell you to figure it out on your own

Eddy is aro/ace and cisgender. He doesn't really understand the concept of romantic love and doesn't feel sexual attraction. He's happy with just having really close friends!! :)

BONUS ROUND: Darcie and Louise have four other siblings. One of them, Sean, is bi :)

BONUS BONUS ROUND: Pirate's future au roommate Steve is bi too but he's a COWARD and refuses to leave the closet. I want to hurt him.

-Mod CC

. Squishy is gnc! Rn he doesnt really understand romantic attraction but in his adult life he comes out as gay! Only romantic bc he's stuck with a 15 yo mindset forever

. Kipri is nonbinary and wlw!! Also her father Marcel is pansexual and kisses AJ on the mouth

. Frenchie is queer but it doesn't really matter what exactly how because he bites >:(

. Mike is nonbinary pansexual!

About CC's bonus: i shipped steve and pirate before it was canon 😎

-Mod Kim 🧢 Hi! Mod ez finishing out this round with his characters sexualities! At the very last minute too lol - Andy is GAY he is PAINFULLY gay and he is very repressed about it. If I brought him to a pride parade he would start crying. - His brother Drew is bisexual and in a polyamorous relationship.  - Cas is bi! He doesn’t figure this out for a while though because he’s dumb as hell and forgot that was an option. he’s like i can’t be gay? I like girls? duh? and everyone is like cas i swear to fucking god Shockingly, those are my main lgbt jeffs, with most of my others being straight or unlabeled. Bonus content, RT is straight but would love pride month because he wants to ally as hard as possible. 

[tomatowielder]

mega-list of ideas for coping with distressing voices

these are only offered as possible things to try if ur hearing distressing voices... everyone is different & everyone’s voices are different. you know you better than anyone else knows you. if you need to modify any of these, or reject any of these as actively unhelpful for you, that’s ok. 💜 feel free to add your own.

use this however is most helpful for you - i’m sharing what helps & has helped for me. so in no particular order:

Name your voices. Sometimes when they’re all just nameless forms, it can be hard to understand what’s going on, and they can feel scarily omnipotent. I found naming mine helpful for kind of containing the experience & getting to know my voices. If you ask some voices will name themselves.

Visualise ‘safe spaces’ for your voices. If you ask some voices might create their own safe place. Otherwise, you can imagine somewhere real, like sometimes I ask one of my voices to go to sleep in certain bits of a room. Or you can imagine . If you really can’t be disturbed for a length of time, you can try leaving the radio on for them, visualising them relaxing, and tell them when you’ll be ‘back’.

Draw your voices. (Or create a pinterest board for them.) One of my voices used to say things that were horrendously graphic and distressing, and I used to try to block her out all the time, so she got more aggressive with trying to get a reaction from me. Drawing her, and everything she said, whilst very difficult to do, helped it feel more manageable, and helped me pick out themes in what she was saying.

Are there any kind voices you can draw on as allies? If you have a voice that’s kind to you, you could try asking them for help. To stand up to other voices, to comfort you afterwards, etc.

Planning in advance what you might say to distressing stuff. Does a specific voice say really triggering, threatening things with an authoritative tone? It might help to prepare for the voice, and how you might respond. Often being aggressive to aggressive voices can trigger more aggression from voices (voices will lash out if they’re insulted) - how can you be polite but assertive? An example I’ve heard is “bless you, but I don’t want to do that” for commanding voices. But your response will be unique. 

Set a time to listen to your voices. If voices aren’t listened to, they can get louder and more hurtful and graphic to try to get your attention - it can be a vicious cycle. But, if you engage with some voices without support, it can turn into them playing games with you and playing on your insecurities. It might help to strike a balance - set, say, half an hour a day, let the voices speak, and genuinely listen. After the time is up, you go back to doing what you usually do.

Try asking a trusted person to talk to your voices for you (this is a technique called voice dialoguing). Voice dialoguing was honestly the foundations of my recovery, and mostly conducted by my lovely partner. It’s where you sit in a different seat, and someone else speaks to your voices and you tell the person what the voices say, and you often do this multiple times. You decide what feels safe, and you debrief after. The person has to be non-judgemental about voices, and not frightened of voices. There’s information on voice dialoguing here: https://openmindedonline.com/2018/10/14/talking-with-voices-article-and-video/

Try some peer support. Maybe there’s a hearing voices group in your area? https://www.hearing-voices.org/hearing-voices-groups/find-a-group/ If not, there’s a lot of us on tumblr - hit us up and vent here. You don’t have to carry this alone.

Are you listening with anxious intensity bc they’re saying particularly distressing things? When my voices are calling me worthless or useless, or saying graphic things, or telling me a shameful secret only I know, I can completely drop what I’m doing, and LISTEN with such anxious intensity because I NEED to know I’m bad and evil. Sometimes it helps to notice I’m doing this and “let go” of the anxious intensity. I don’t need to powerlessly obsessively listen just because they’re shit talking me.

Physically soothe yourself to soothe screaming voices. Hearing screaming? Try hugging yourself, or giving yourself a face massage, or telling yourself it’s OK, or whatever it is that soothes you. When I soothe myself, I usually inadvetedly soothe the crying or screaming voice. Sometimes overtly comforting the voice helps too, even if it’s coming from very far away.

If you’ve experienced trauma, voices might be carrying memories you don’t remember or don’t feel strongly about, so they can’t be kind to you - you dissociated whilst they (the voice) stayed. Some voices remember things I don’t. Some memories I have I remember, but I don’t feel traumatised by them - but my voices really do. They have to be aggressive and violent towards me, because a) if I got close to them, I would remember too, and they’re protecting me, and b) they resent me for not remembering it whilst they do. Whilst this doesn’t immediately help how cruel they can be, it helps me have some compassion & acceptance. 

Imagine a protective spell. I used to imagine a pink, sparkling sphere of healing and protection around me, and nothing could get in and hurt me. I was totally safe within this sphere. I was really into D&D, so I statted it too - 1000000000 AC, resistant 10000 to negative energy, etc. On my worst nights this helped.

Have a grounding object. I got a stone from an enjoyable vacation I had, and also an amethyst and a teddy, and I used to curl up into the fetal position and GRIP them. If you’re into this stuff, you could charge the objects with healing energy, anything else that makes the object feel more grounding. (This post is about hearing voices but also if you have visual hallucinations & feel brave enough, throwing something through the hallucination can help.)

Experiment with earplugs, sound, and space. Everyone’s voices are so unique - some get louder in big, echoey buildings, some get louder in small spaces, some shout above background noises, some blend in, some get louder with earplugs, some get quiet. Experiment! Go to different spaces and ask the voices if they can talk. Put different (&no) background sounds on. Use earplugs. See if anything feels more or less comfortable.

Experiment with distractions. When I was strugglling 24/7, the only quiet I would get would be during a good film and I NEEDED that. You can’t use distraction all the time - voices will catch up, and ignored voices tend to try to find ways to not be ignored. But I’ve found it necessary to find some breathing space. Films were that for me. There could be distractions that work best for you.

Hide! It’s OK to hide. It’s so OK to hide. It’s not a negative coping mechanism. Under the desk is my favourite place.

Complete a Maastricht interview. I am continually surprised by how little I know about my voices & how helpful I find it to know my voices more. The Maastricht interview is a series of questions that facilitates more self understanding - it might be triggering, so it might be useful to prepare yourself. Look in your local area to see if you can do it in person. If not, voila! http://www.hearingvoices.org.nz/attachments/article/59/Maastricht_Interview_for_voice_hearers.pdf (fwiw I’ve not done it yet but want to lol & I’ve met voice hearers who it’s helped.)

You’re not dirty or wrong for a voice saying graphic and horrible things. <3 It’s OK to hear graphic and disturbing voices. It’s not a reflection on you. It’s OK and normal to hear these things. You deserve safety & kindness.

If your voices get loud in new or anxiety provoking situations, give them some detailed advanced warning. Voices don’t always know what’s happening, what year it is, etc - they’re not always oriented to our reality. Saying, say, “I am going to a job interview on Saturday. Here is what is going to happen on Saturday: ...” can help them, so they don’t get anxious and take it out on you.

Start the small steps of building a collaborative relationship with your voices. Is your voice telling you to kill yourself, others, and that you’re worthless? Obviously, don’t do these things lol - but it might help to ask the voice if it has, say... a preference for a TV show, or a food. Something that doesn’t hurt you to accommodate. It can start the small steps of building a good relationship to take small preferences of the voice on board.

Educate your friends so they can be kinder to you. I like this talk! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syjEN3peCJw Most of my friends who were frightened of me & my voices were much more understanding after watching this. But you choose your resources. 

Accept that it’s ok to be distressed by them and it’s ok to struggle to cope.. Give yourself as much slack as you can. Hearing voices can be so gruelling. It can be isolating and lonely and PHYSICALLY exhausting. You don’t have to do it all. NONE of us can be ‘super-copers’. It’s OK to need rest, and to cut yourself some slack.

Honourary mentions for https://www.hearing-voices.org/ & https://www.intervoiceonline.org/ & https://understandingvoices.com/ c:

[jessamine--lovelace]

i have nowhere else to put these so here. grishaverse au where the darkling is a woman and Alina is a closeted lesbian

they’re all queer idc

edit: this is zoyalina btw even if it doesn't seem so from the beginning

aleksandra morozova was raised amongst so much misoginy and prejudice against grisha that she wanted to gain power and make a good life for everyone like her clearly she got lost along the way lol

anyway. Alina and mal are still bffs gay lesbian alliance

mal has a comp het crush on alina and Alina on him, they get over it quickly tho

Alina is taken to the little palace, she gets an immediate crush on the darkling clearly she thinks Zoya is hot, but just admires from afar bc she s so mean and cold

the darkling is even hotter as a woman u can't change my mind

everything goes mostly like canon, the darkling seduces alina and alina is all about worshipping this powerful woman who wants to give her power. she helps alina realise she likes women, manipulates her in the process, makes her think that the darkling is the only one who could offer her security and other bullshit

the night that baghra tells alina the truth about the darkling’s plan, zoya is waiting alina at her door because she wants to confront her about how she fall out of the darkling’s good grace because of her idk. and baghra finds them both in alina’s rooms so she makes both of them leave, zoya helping alina to get lost in the country  baghra makes up a lie about how zoya went to visit her family/is in a mission so no one suspects zoya is a “traitor” except the darkling and genya who know the truth

mal is still looking for alina but he doesn't know Zoya is with her so it's a big surprise when he finds them both huddled up in a big coat together, freezing their asses off, zoya bitching about how alina better be grateful that she s helping to save her glowstick ass

Zoya calls mal alina s boyfriend exactly once before both mal and alina strongly let her know their disgust to that idea 

so yeah Zoya is a bit weirded out bc they are so close to each other and yet they're not together??? but she is kinda starting to get along with alina and maybe she s not so bad, and just maybe she starts to like her 

they find the stag blabla Zoya is taken back to the little palace while Alina and mal are taken to expand the fold or whatever the darkling has in mind

alina and mal escape and run off as in canon, except they pose as siblings in novyi zem. Mal finds a cute boy there and develops a crush but he s too devoted to keeping alina safe to risk getting into any relationship

Alina doesn't agree and makes him go on a date with the dude before everything goes to shit

the darkling comes back, takes them, Nikolai happens etc.

as soon as Nikolai gets them back in ravka, he tries to woo alina and propose to her like in canon. she s not really out yet tho she s not ready for it, not even Mal knows yet even if he suspects something from their time spend with zoya and the looks alina gave her, and the hurt look she has whenever the darkling is mentioned/she explains what the deal is with her evil plan, but he lets her take her time

Nikolai is all about flirting to the sun summoner and she s nice about it, polite, but clearly trying to get away because she s lowkey uncomfortable. declines his marriage proposal, and nikolai thinks it's because of Mal but he s wrong. mal tries to have a talk with alina about this, but alina panicks and says “he seems like your type, not mine” and mal is lost like ?? he s a prince?? and probably straight?? and he asked YOU to marry him?? 

and alina realises she is tired to keep this up, so she tells mal about her liking women. mal hugs her and she confesses that the darkling helped her come to terms with it in a way, and it messed with her and she feels shame that she fell for the manipulation

so when they're on the way to os alta, and Nikolai kisses her for the public, she just says "I like girls please never do that again or I'll use the cut on your face." as soon as they are alone in their couch and Nikolai is stunned and apologises to her a lot of shit starts to make sense for nikolai now lol

so after that tiny incident, Nikolai knows it's pointless to pursue Alina so he only keeps up his show for the public and becomes really good friends with alina and mal

nikolai would still very much like that political alliance and he sometimes jokingly tells alina “you’ll have lots of women at your feet if you become queen. aren’t you interested in that?” and alina is just done with his ass

clearly nikolai and mal hook up at some point and it's kinda awkward afterwards bc they both have a bit of a crush on each other but don't want to admit it Alina is amused

so they go back to os alta, and Zoya is there!!! and Alina literally hugs her bc she was so worried and she missed her and "I shouldn't have let her take you away, I'm so sorry I left you behind zoya" and Zoya is so surprised she doesn't respond to the hug for a while before crushing alina in a tight embrace without saying anything

everyone is a bit shocked bc Zoya is hugging Alina?? since when are they getting along??? what is happening???

they have a talk when they are alone and zoya tells alina about her aunt and how she doesn’t blame alina for what the darkling did, alina tells her about the second amplifier. they hug again and maybe some tears are spilled but that’s between them and no one has to know

they prepare and train and alina and zoya get closer and closer. mal, being the captain to alina’s guard, kinda has to stick around with her when she meets with nikolai and it’s awkward and their conversations aren’t as lively as they used to be and it lowkey breaks alina’s heart a bit and annoys her until she explodes one day when she s alone with a miserable looking mal waiting for nikolai to appear at a meeting “saints mal just talk to him”

and mal being mal just straightens his back and ignores her like a stubborn idiot which infuriates alina she totally tries to annoy him by reflecting some light into his eyes 

“i know something happened on the road between you two. you’re both acting weird. would it kill you to talk to him?” but mal doesn’t get to answer because nikolai is walking in talking about some plan, totally oblivious to what is happening. Later, after the meeting is over, alina gets nikolai alone and tries to talk to him, but he s just as stubborn as mal and tells her that there’s nothing to be done bc mal avoids him everytime he manages to get near him and got the message “my ego can’t handle another rejection”

therefore alina finds herself in need to fix this thing between nikolai and mal because the tension is getting on her nerves and she is stressed enough as it is with everything going on

little side note, the darkling still comes to her in visions and she thinks she is going insane before she starts talking to zoya about it and zoya takes in the habit of spending the evenings in alina’s rooms, both of them searching in books for more information about the amplifiers or sometimes talking. zoya isn’t soft and she never will be, but alina likes that. a lot. ANYWAY zoya is the one to come up with the plan to somehow lock nikolai and mal in a room together. they get tolya and tamar in on it too. 

alina makes sure she sets up a meeting with nikolai under a false pretext when mal is on watch. alina and mal arrive first and as soon as nikolai enters she gets up “oh saints i left the book in my rooms” and leaves before mal or nikolai can react. and then one of the twins closes the door and they can hear it being locked and then alina’s voice from the other side “we’ll let you out after you have a talk. the tension between you two is getting insufferable” 

they talk and sort things out a bit. everything gets less stressful for everyone

one night the darkling comes to alina, and zoya is about to leave. alina freezes because it’s not the darkling she sees, but zoya “she’ll never want you. i am the only one who can love you, who understands you.” it’s the darkling’s voice and alina can’t move, can’t breathe, just stares at the darkling as she takes back her own face. zoya can only see alina’s face getting paler and her expression more terrified even as the darkling disappears 

zoya tries to shake alina, calls out her name, but alina just looks at her with such a sad expression that it unsettles zoya even more. “she’s right” alina whispers, barely audible, over and over again 

“what did she tell you?! alina you can’t listen to her! she lies. she manipulates everyone, you can’t believe anything she says. it’s not the truth. anything she tells you”

alina shakes her head “you’ll never- i’m such an idiot.” tears are welling up in her eyes 

“i’ll never what?” “want me” 

and zoya freezes, just staring at alina, shocked. alina takes it wrong, she tries to put space between them, tries to run in embarassment, but zoya catches her hands, holds her still and looks into alina’s eyes. alina can’t look her in the eyes, can’t seem to find it in her to do it. “you really are an idiot if you think i would just spend my evenings and risk my ass for just any friend” and then she cups alina’s face in her palms and she kisses her. 

alina is so surprised she doesn’t respond to the kiss for a second, but then she kisses zoya back and they both just melt into each other. zoya feels a tear run down alina’s face, into her cheek and breaks away with a “don’t go soft on me now starkov” and alina laughs through her tears and goes to kiss zoya again just because she can.

wow this turned out way longer than i intended, but damn did it give me serotonin coming up with it. i just want to say that, if the darkling was a woman, the character would be more hated, but sexier and i’m alright with that. also everyone is queer because i said so. i have more zoyalina headcanons that i’ll probably post bc now i’m investedTM so come and shout about them to me i won’t mind

[animatedrapture]

I HAVE GASOLINE LAYING AROUND IN MY HOUSE AND IM OMW TO SET KANA ON FIRE :))))

ok im about to compile possibly like 10 chapters worth of kana hate KJHLDSDJS

so. sorry i wasnt able to respond to so manyyyyyy of these on time and all, i get overwhelmed super easily but i truly, truly love all of you and appreciate each msg :DD these have all either made me think real hard LMFOAHJSKD or had me laughing so hard and gasping lmfao. but yeah, i appreciate all of these and everything i mightve never gotten bc tumblr asks is dumb as well as the ones ive still yet to come back to or answer. almost each and every single one of these have been a guidance with what i wanted to do with the smau, whenever i wanted to switch something up or make something better in the smau, your msgs helped a lot in improving it in some way and helping me figure out what i truly wanted to do with the smau and for that, thank u!!!

Anonymous asked:

FUCK KANA ALL MY HOMIES HATE HER HANA SPILLED HER DRINK ON HER? SHE DID THE RIGHT THING ALSO FUCK SUNA BC EVEN UF HE HAD SEX WITH YN AND SAID HE ADORES HER HIS ACTIONS/AFFECTION TOWARDS KANA GIVES MIXED SIGNALS AND ITS TIME HE GET ACCOUNTABLE OF SAID ACTIONS sorry for the rant 🥴

Anonymous asked:

the “tw kana” absolutely sent me into orbit i cackled 😭

Anonymous asked:

anons bonding over kana hate🤝🏻🤝🏻🤝🏻

Anonymous asked:

yeah its only you who doesn't dislike her FGHDJGKUJ IM KIDDING no but really more than hate her its hate the way shes in between like it pisses me off the cockblock she is 😭😭

Anonymous asked:

if i were kana,,,i would either tell him i still have feelings OR hurt in silence (step back) since technically he or should i say they decided to be JUST bestfriends not cockblocking the possibility for him to be in a relationship

Anonymous asked:

kana has to make a choice: she confess or shut the fuck up bc as far as we know they decided to be just bff (highkey think suna was more into being just friends and kana kinda lied) so IF he likes someone else why the fuck try to sabotage him (his happiness with someone else) when he find it out then what? would he still keep her as a friend? 🧐

Anonymous asked:

What if I just...shift or whatever you guys call it, into As Friends universe...and bonk Kana on the head...lol just kidding...ah ha ha ha No please she is starting to sound like the girl best friend that would make couples break up because she does not care about boundaries...honey, you're the best friend, yes, you're important, but that's his girlfriend...stay in your lane. Lol like "I don't want to confess" but "He's mine so I have to get rid of all competitions" lol fucking clown yeah no, I don't have to wait for you to write more about her to make me hate her sksksksksk I already do

Anonymous asked:

Ayo istg kana's been giving y/n the stinky eye... if she stares at y/n like that one more time LAWD HELP HER SOUL, im coming for her eyes!!! But fr,, Rin better treat y/n right and put kana in her place. Bc y/n got a best friend too (samu) u^u and he can cook and would treat her good.

Anonymous asked: likE I KEEP SAYING eAT SHIT KANA

Anonymous asked: I am CRAVING IMMENSE VIOLENCE bring that girl kana here lemme knock her teeth down her throat. >:(

Anonymous asked:

kana (derogatory)

Anonymous asked:

istg if a bus doesn’t hit kana i’m gonna do it

Anonymous asked:

kana toxic best friend it’s time for suna to realise IT 😤😤

Anonymous asked:

kana has family problems only rin knows about? what in the ao haru ride manga 😐

Anonymous asked:

WHY KANA FUKC

Anonymous asked:

NAH MY GUT FEELING TELLING ME KANA WAS BAD NEWS SINCE THE BEGINNING also she wants suna all to herself (he sees her as a bff) but doesn’t say shit to him... if course he’s gonna find someone in the future whether in college or after (unless the bitch will still to his ass even when he goes pro)

Anonymous asked:

everyday i wake up with notifs from u i feel like im about to get subjected to pain and IM RIGHT THIS TIME TOO what the hell kana u will never be yn (me) 🙏🏼🧇

Anonymous asked:

bro part of me wants to punch suna so bad bc like hes so awkward but so smooth like who tf do u want stop being a smooth ass mf u know these two bitches like u

Anonymous asked: i might just obliterate everyone named kana cause of as friends THE WHOLE TIME MY EYE WAS TWITCHING CAUSE OF HER FUCK KDDSKDLSDK EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO OBLITERATE HER SAY "I" but like hi! i hope youre well

Anonymous asked:

even tho u always insist you'd never het mad at me girl HUHH i used to be genuinely good w kana now she's just a manipulative bitch :// kana babe sorry but ur best friend is allowed to spend time with other people 🙄

xmyshya asked:

I 👏 love 👏 Hana 👏 Also 👏 fuck 👏 Kana 👏 and Rin you idiot, what do you mean he's not gonna pursue dating T_T it's just a few chapters till the end T_T wut T_T

yourstarvic asked:

Kana needs to back up before she gets beat up 😤 me and my homies ain’t playing no more 😤

Anonymous asked:

omg that ur probably mad (even tho u said u’d never get mad at me!) broooo

Anonymous asked:

kana gonna get even more territorial in the next chapters im getting kinda scared to see how rin reacts 😒 shes gonna lowkey (highkey) manipulate rin like oh u said youll never leave me you said i come first and all that mhmmm girl dont make me break your neck 👎🏼👎🏼

Anonymous asked:

huh so is kana basically a pick me girl

Anonymous asked:

“you’d be selfish abt this” girl

Anonymous asked:

why tf kana gotta ask yn bro u don't know her just ask suna directly 🙄 putting her in an awkward ass position how's she supposed to say no i'm sorry kana's being annoying as hell rn

Anonymous asked:

it’s time for kana to realise: - yn aint just a fling bc suna is spending more time with her - suna clearly sees her just as his bff

Anonymous asked:

Kana saying "I was worried you'd be selfish about this haha" well bitch now I gotta be 😒

Anonymous asked:

“i was worried you’d be selfish about this hahaha” -the one who’s for the streets kana better watch herself…y/n was being kind, i will not be

Anonymous asked:

DID KANA REALLY HAVE THE NERVE TO ASK US?????? TO POSTPONE OUR PLANS WITH RIN???? pls that « you understand, right? » was just so manipulative oh my god-

Anonymous asked:

kana can go cry & write to her diary about it 😘😘

Anonymous asked:

“y/n right?” after literally meeting her plssss

Anonymous asked:

miss kana is just gonna have to miss him a little more bc i'm not canceling SHIT!!

Anonymous asked:

kana is playing chess while we’re playing checkers

Anonymous asked:

everytime you post and kana gets fucked over my day is made and it all I'm going to think about

Anonymous asked:

im catching up on as friends bc i havent read a few chapters and kana saying “arent you just with yn” made me extra angry go trip down some stairs kana

Anonymous asked:

u made my week with the update 😭🖤 i hate kana sfm lol

Anonymous asked:

kana suffering either way the story goes? I'm in -🦄

Anonymous asked:

kana n suna need to grow up lowkey it’s very highschool

Anonymous asked:

WHOEVER SENT THIS I AM CHOOSING VIOLENCE who's in, let's go beat kana-🦄

Anonymous asked:

hELL YEAAHH GET FUCKED KANA /neg

[foxfire-midnight-wings-writing]

Spider Virgil! (Introduction)

So, I guess this is a bullet fic? I always liked to write like these but never knew they had a name lol. Anyways, lets go!

If you’d like to talk more about this AU, you can send me an ask at @foxfire-and-midnight-wings​ or on here. (Preferably only using this one for asks that could bring potential to expand on the story or universe, with the other one for smaller asks and non-canon talk)

[Next]

[Fanfic Masterlist]

Warnings: super long post, talk about spiders and spider traits (fangs/venom, extra eyes, extra legs, etc.) and the usage of them, talks of spider and snake bites/venom (aka non-sexual biting), general anxiety thoughts and cognitive distortions

[This is basically an AU where Virgil has some spider-like traits, similarly to Remus and Janus with their respective animals. No one is unsympathetic!]

- - - -- - - -- - - -- - - -

First off, he has a little set of extra eyes underneath his 'real' eyes (only four eyes in total)

He got nervous before introducing himself to the other sides (aka the ‘light sides’) so he had Janus and Remus help him use makeup to hide them.

Janus & Remus understand bc while they like their animal traits they know he's always nervous about them.

While Remus only hides his octopus tentacles, Janus tends to hide his fangs, most his scales that aren’t on his face (ex: neck and shoulder), and his extra arms around many of the others.

Virgil has setules so he can climb walls and stuff, which is how he gets up and sits on places that shouldn't be sat on.

Also, he has 4 spider legs that are connected to the muscles on his back

One pair is positioned just underneath his shoulder blades, the other pair is around his mid-lower back

When he’s not hiding his legs, they usually are positioned as if they were giving him a weird hug (top are resting on his shoulders, bottom are wrapped a little bit around his torso)

Also fangs!

He has extended canine teeth that (surprise!) connect to a pair of venom glands on his neck

This means that his teeth are really sensitive too, though, which can suck at times

He had a bad habit of instinctually injecting venom into meat and stuff he eats, but luckily it doesn’t hurt him. Now that they’re all older though, all the ‘dark’ sides were able to adjust to their animal traits or habits.

In this case, that meant he trained himself not to automatically inject his venom into stuff

Remus was the first to find out about venom milking, because it’s Remus

Because both Janus and Virgil have fangs + venom, he knew that they were constantly worried about accidentally hurting someone and not having an antidote. So he brought up the idea to them

Luckily, they were all young when they discovered this so there weren’t any inappropriate jokes about it, but Remus makes them a lot in the present (along with the vore jokes, which everyone hates)

Basically, for those who don’t really know, the way people make antidotes and medicine to help with venom from animals like spiders and snakes is through extracting the venom by a process called “milking”

So they ended up experimenting a lot and they eventually made their own antidotes to both Janus and Virgil’s venom

And once they both also learned how to bite things (and as a result each other) without using their venom

(Snakes and spiders can do what’s called a “dry bite”, basically they bite without injecting venom into what they bit)

This revelation ends up with Janus and Virgil often threatening to bite the other person, sometimes if they fight they actually do

The antidotes have been helpful on the few occasions one of them injects a tiny bit of venom by accident (which was extremely rare, and only ever happened when they were younger)

Virgil and Janus still regularly milk and make their antidotes, and they usually keep some of both in all three of their rooms for emergencies

(sometimes they do it just because they can, and end up giving it to Remus so he can do weird experiments with it in the Imagination)

Also, the hissing? Janus is a snake, so that makes sense. But Virgil?

Well, after a little research, they ended up finding out that spiders make a low hissing noise called “stridulation”. So technically, spiders hiss too.

Virgil uses that against Remus when he tries comparing him to a kitten, and he threatens to bite him

[The Present Situation w/ the Other Sides]

- - - -- - - -- - - -- - - -

He was planning a big reveal for the ‘light’ sides at one point (before he was accepted) but he never went through with it

Because Accepting Anxiety happened, he was worried he'd lose the friendship/acceptance of the others due to his traits. (Anxiety and cognitive distortions, y'know? Plus, he saw how freaked out Patton and the others were by the spider decorations in his room, how could he expect them to react any different to him?)

And so he continues to hide them and his other abilities

which is an absolute pain because while he can easily cover up his extra pair of eyes, he has to be very careful about not showing anyone his fangs

And don’t get me started on how hard it’d be for him to get into his jacket and positioning it just right so his legs aren’t being squished but they aren’t very visible

Fun fact! That’s why he always appears on the stairs. he can easily hide them by leaning against the wall or positioning his back to where no one can see them

But he still gets little urges to do things spider-like because of his anxiety.

For example: crawl up the wall and go in corner = no people = safe

So to fill that little spider instinct to crawl up places to get away from people he takes to sitting in places he shouldn't.

Top of the fridge, the counter, anywhere he can get while being able to reason his way out of being questioned on how he got up there

To his surprise, no one stops him. If anything, Patton calls it cute and Roman basically encourages it

And so things go on like normal, and he always takes off his makeup once he's in his room.

Sometimes he indulges a bit and climbs the walls

He has a small resting area that looks similar to a hammock (but it’s practically a nest of blankets) that’s connected to his walls. Sometimes he’ll sleep up there because it’s off the ground and away from everything

he tends to lay on his stomach and to spread out as much as he can when up there

(Janus and Remus find it hilarious, but Virgil points out that Janus can’t say anything because he does that too)

No one has seemed to catch on that he has spider traits, and he is extremely relieved about that

Then Janus comes along and introduces himself to Thomas and the others.

And then Remus joins in too.

And while none of them are on bad terms, Virgil gets more and more worried someone is going to point out their animal traits and ask him if he has any.

And he worries because he doesn't know how to respond

He can't just say

"Oh yeah, all the 'dark' sides have animal traits and I've just been hiding mine from you in fear of rejection and that you'll all hate me. By the way, my anxiety is making me not say anything about this because I'll have a panic attack just thinking about telling you, and so I haven't said anything about it, and the more time that passes makes the anxiety about telling you guys worse which causes me to put it off even more. And it causes a spiral from there that often makes me whole myself up in my room for days on end."

So he tries to prevent anyone from asking about the 'dark' sides by making it seem like he left them on extremely bad terms.

It takes a minute for Janus to realize it’s not the normal banter they throw around, it’s something more desperate and anxiety-ridden

Janus catches onto his plan very quickly, and when he can he gets Virgil alone with him and Remus to talk it out.

Virgil tells them about his fears of rejection and how none of them know about his spider traits (especially because they went to his room once and Patton was freaked out just by the spider curtains, making his fears worse)

So they all make an agreement to help Virgil hide his traits and to make a plan to help the others not ask them about each other

And then Remus just goes "so you're saying I can fuck with my brother? That's the plan, right?"

Cause he is so on board as long as he can cause chaos.

And what better way to cause chaos than by pretending to be in an arguement or on extremely bad terms with a close friend, forcing the others to watch it happen and be uncomfortable as they argue back and forth

Janus just agrees because he likes being dramatic and it's not like they didn't banter a lot before now, they just get to make it public and more "serious" than before

(They all know it’s just because he wants to be part of the Drama™)

They make a list of things they can and cannot make jabs/remarks about

And then they prepare for the chaos

(Note: This is not them being “unsympathetic”, they all agreed on the plan and all know what they are signing up for. The entire purpose is to make the others think that they have bad relations with each other, which some may interpret the arguing/jabs as the characters being “unsympathetic”)

[The Chaos Time Begins]

- - - -- - - -- - - -- - - -

So this all happens before Selfishness v. Selflessness, right?

Which is what makes the entire courtroom scene funny to the ‘dark’ sides, bc they all were planning to have that be when the drama really started to take off

When in the courtroom and Janus makes the comment about Virgil’s name, he really wasn’t expecting that, but after the initial panic passed he was like ‘I mean, alright I guess’

He didn’t really want them to know anything about his full name (Virgilius), but it wasn’t going to really hurt him

(He just wanted to avoid any of the references or jokes Roman and Logan would definitely make because he already got enough of it from Janus and Remus)

and the plan worked! almost a little too well, though...

After the courtroom scene ends, there’s a couple days of silence where everyone just. Doesn’t talk about it. At all. The ‘dark’ sides were prepared for this, so it’s not too bad for them, but it makes Virgil feel very awkward when around the others.

Then, after the third day of awkward avoidance, Patton and Roman gather all of them in the living room to try and make sure everything is okay.

Unfortunately for them, Patton had also invited Janus up there because he saw the tension between him and Virgil

And Janus physically restrains himself from showing how excited he is because this is the perfect way to make the Drama™ officially known

Virgil is just chilling on the couch waiting for everything to spiral, because while he appreciates the effort, the fighting is completely intentional. So there’s no stopping it now

It goes about as well as you can expect

While everyone else except Janus starts talking, Janus just patiently waits until someone brings him into the conversation to start making jabs. (mainly because he knows that the others actually have stuff they need to talk through first, before he derails the conversation)

They all are able to get to a good conclusion about the situation, misunderstandings are talked through, and now all that’s left is dealing with Janus

And as soon as Patton starts talking to Janus, he gets excited because the show can finally begin

Roman: Now, I know not all of us really like him, but- Virgil: like him?! That’s funny, princey, because I really fucking hate him! Janus: Oh, come on, Virgil! Just lighten up a little. You’re seeming a little... dark. Virgil: Don’t. Patton, trying to prevent them from arguing: Hey, now, kiddos! Let’s take a moment and just step back to breathe, yeah? We don’t want this to- Janus: become a truth-telling session between us and Virgil? Patton: become an arguement.

The others try to help Patton defuse the situation, but it doesn’t work. If anything, it makes the situation worse because Janus uses them as fuel for some of his arguments.

Virgil: Yeah, keep talkin’ pal! I’m sure they really want to hear it from someone who makes it his job to harass everyone Janus: Well, sorry about that Sir Emo, but I couldn’t hear you over the sound of you leaving us. Oh, wait! Sorry, you don’t want to remember being a ‘dark side’, now, do you? My apologies! Roman, frantically glancing between the two: Wait, wha-? Virgil, standing up: Oh shut it, you treacherous snake! Like you ever even wanted me there. You’re probably glad I’m gone, huh? The cold from your room is starting to affect your heart! Not like you had one, though. Janus: Why, you-!

They start arguing and slowly they start getting louder and louder

Eventually, they’re yelling insults at each other, and everyone else is at a loss for what to do

Then, in what seems to be the ending of the argument, Virgil yells “I never wanted to be there with you in the first place, you bastard!”

Janus takes a moment to pause, and then he just says “Right, of course. My bad, Virgilius”

The living room is quiet as Janus sinks out, and Virgil just stands there shaking

He knew it was going to happen, and he knew it was just his name, but the acting and drama was becoming a little too much. It started to feel too real to him, and he knows that’s just his anxiety speaking, but he still feels the tears gathering in his eyes

Patton tries reaching out to him, but Virgil says “I’m going to my room” in a broken voice

The others watch helplessly as he leaves, and eventually they all break off to their own rooms to think about what just happened.

[bazz-a]

hi!!!

44 34 & 25 for the writing asks!!! :))))))

hiya love!!!! 💚💚 thank you for asking! ✨✨

oof OK let's hit it!

44. Rant about something writing related.

ok ok ok ok let me choose one 😂

ok I guess right now what's pissing me off the most is my lack of ability to write???? I haven't been able to write a SINGLE word in a MONTH and I guess I'm just really pissed at myself that I didn't see this burnout approaching sooner than I did. maybe I could've done something, idk 😩

and it really sucks bc then I started doubting and hating literally everything I did. I had a full out mental breakdown last month and I almost deleted the fic 😂😂😂 I'm laughing but it was really weird. but I didn't delete it! ✨yay✨ (and btw I owe my gratitude to @heyitswrenn who helped me get my shit together and didn't let me delete the fic. love you babe, thanks for putting up with my crazy ass you're the BEST)

I'm gonna cut this rant short here bc otherwise it's gonna get worse AHAHAHA

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

you know my Genma? that's me.

not even slightly joking, I write him unapologetically similar to me, and I LOVE it that he's everyone's favourite character bc I'm like eeehehehe thank you

but THEN! two close friends of mine from real life started reading my fic, right, @justjstuff and @lovelymustaches. we've been friends for a good number of years and they told me that apparently my Sakura is also very similar to me, which was totally not on purpose 😂 lovelymustaches even said that multiple times she can't help but imagine me instead of Sakura when she's reading bc apparently I write her speech the same way that I speak shfkzndjdksjd

I'll never forget this but J, on the other hand, told me the same on ch2 right in the beginning when Sakura drops her key and bangs her head on the coffee table 😂😂😂😂😂 Imm a clumsy fucker and I'll never forget J saying "lol this is you 100%"

anyways, I have absolutely no idea how my readers' image of me is. I think they might appreciate that I respond to every review..... but other than that I really have no idea. I know people had ZERO trust on me when Genma was hurt AHAHAHAHA I said it MULTIPLE times that I wouldn't kill him, I promised and still every review I got was doubting my word 😂😂😂 which was funny ngl

25. Do you listen to music as you write? If possible, link your writing playlist

oof so. I'm one of those chaotic people who doesn't have playlists 😂😂 I only press shuffle on my liked music on Spotify (over 1.5k songs there AHAHAHA really chaotic)

BUT sometimes I write with these on:

https://youtu.be/5RHTt4_XVVU

https://youtu.be/wrblqtM_daw

😄😄😄😄

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING, SNICKIE!!!!! hope you're doing well 💚💚💚

ask me