#loki humor

[oliwrites]

Deserted Island

pairing: loki x fem!reader

genre: humor and fluff

summary: there has been one question that has been on your mind all day and you now get to ask it to just the perfect person to ask

warnings: implied smut (no details just a mention of it)

word count: <1000

A/N: i love this gif LMFAO

“Hey, Lo? You awake?” You asked, looking up to your boyfriend, expecting to see him sleeping sound right above you, but instead in met his piercing green eyes

“Yes, my darling?” Loki answered, softly drawing shapes on your bare back.

“I’ve got a question,” You announce, gripping onto his lean torso a little more.

“Ask away, sweet girl,”

"Okay, you're on a deserted island--"

"Seriously?" Loki rolled his eyes. "I literally just fucked you into the mattress and you want to ask me childish questions?” Loki laughed, looking at you with pure amusement and adoration for the woman below him.

"Will you just let me finish the question?"

"You're going to ask what three things I would bring, right? Food, water, shelter."

You stared at them in disbelief. "That is the most basic and boring answer I have ever gotten. I expected more from the God of Mischief" you tutted, rolling your eyes playfully.

"Well, what would you bring?"

You held up three fingers, tapping each as you gave your answer. "A hammock, so I have somewhere to sleep. One of those big buckets of pretzels for food,” you paused, wanting to leave some suspense to your answer, “and you, so you can do all the survival stuff."

Loki just shook his head, sighing at the stupid answer his girlfriend just gave him, "You would die immediately, you know that right?"

"Yeah, well, good thing I'm not going to a deserted island anytime soon."

[michelleleewise]

Ground Control To....

Pairing: Loki x female reader

Warnings: mild smut in the beginning (nothing graphic), alot of swearing, mentions of blood, innuendos, lokitty being a manace, bucky being kinda mean, the word slut, panic, anxiety, I think that's it.....if I missed anything let me know!

Summay: Loki and Bucky get called on a mission, much to Loki's chagrin....

A/n- graphics by @harlequin-hangout and a special about out to @vbecker10 and @springdandelixn for helping me brainstorm through this!! Love you!!!

Part of the Lokitty series-

You woke up, stretching as the sunlight filtered through the curtains. Pulling your earbuds out you lifted your head looking over seeing Loki sitting on the green pillow, his stare piercing through you as you sat up, the blanket pooling at your waist stretching your arms to the ceiling giving him a show. "Morning Loki, how did you sleep?" You smiled seeing his jaw clench "aw what's the matter, cat got your tongue?" You snarked pushing the blanket aside you stood up, seeing him stand with as you sauntered to the make shift cell, trying to look as sexy as possible swinging your hips smiling

"Are you ready to behave?" You asked, his expression remaining stoic as you reached up typing the code in watching the orange light brighten before vanishing. In a flash he gripped your arms turning you around pressing your front to the glass wall, gripping your wrists in one large hand lifting them above your head. "Did you honestly think you could provoke a God and not feel his wrath?" He hissed in your ear, pressing his front to your back feeling his erection press into your backside. "I..I was counting on it." You breathed, tilting your head back feeling his teeth dig into your shoulder. "Well my love, you have my full attention." He purred gripping your hip with his free hand.

You closed your eyes, feeling his free hand slowly snake along your hip, his fingers ghosting your pelvic bone as it traveled down, a shiver running through you at his glacial pace. "Is this what you wanted...hmm?" He purred in your ear, nipping your ear lobe between his teeth "what you...longed for?" He continued, placing soft kisses down your neck. you moaned feeling his fingers ghost over the small tuft of hair at the apex of your thighs. "To feel my...retribution." He sneered, his teeth grazing your pulse point. "Loki.." you moaned, pushing your hips back attempting to urge him on when he suddenly flipped you around pressing your back to the glass, keeping your arms above your head your eyes met his lust filled ones, watching his jaw clench tightly.

"Was this part of your plan...goading me....taunting me like some wanton slut so you could have your way with me?" He snarled, gritting his teeth his eyes traveled down your body before meeting your eyes once more, his pupils blown wide. "M...maybe." you stuttered, feeling his hand reach around gripping your ass hard with his large palm. "I am curious, what else did your little plan intale hmm?" He purred, leaning down nudging your nose with his. "Tell me my little mortal, what...do...you...want." he asked, punctuating each word with his sharp tongue. "Well..." you were cut off by Jarvis suddenly speaking from the ceiling.

"Mr Laufeyson, your presence is requested in the conference room." It said "no, I'm busy." He said sternly not taking his eyes off of you "im afraid it is mandatory sir." Jarvis said when Loki's fist met the glass next to you "tell stark I am otherwise engaged, and to find someone else." He snarled to the ceiling making you shudder. "Sir, as part of your probation, I'm afraid you must attend." Jarvis continued as Loki leaned his head down looking to the floor. "Very well, I will be there in a moment." He sighed looking back up at you. "I expect you on the bed, naked and waiting for my return...am I understood?" He asked gripping your chin in his fingers "y..yes sir." You breathed when his lips latched onto yours, his tongue slipping in caressing yours as he deepened the kiss, pulling back biting your lip making you moan "good girl...be ready for me." He smiled.

You watched as his clothes materialized on his tall frame, the deep green leathers wrapping sensuously around his hard muscles, releasing your wrists he smoothed the down the front, tightening the strap across his chest "I swear by the norns this better be urgent or stark is going out the window again." He said stepping back "I will return shortly." He said, pecking your lips as he walked through the bedroom, the thud of his thick leather boots echoing through the room as he opened the door, closing It behind him with a sharp click. You released the breath you were holding, quicky climbing on the bed you tried your best to look sexy as you settled back waiting for your God to return.

You were startled awake by the door slamming, familiar boots pounding against the floor "when did I fall asleep?" You ask yourself sitting up stretching. "Dammit." You heard loki say from the other room, making you get up and slip your robe on. Walking out seeing him packing his gear into a small duffle bag. "Loki, what..." you started when he glanced up at you "I have been informed I have a mission, and I must leave in twenty minutes." He huffed throwing his bag on the couch. "Oh.." you said quietly wrapping your arms around your middle "when will you be back?" You asked looking down "it should only take a few hours, I will be back by this evening." He said striding towards you as you nodded.

"Do not worry love, when I return you will feel my...reckoning." He purred, putting his fingers under you chin making you look at him. "If that is still what you wish." He smiled, Mischief swirling in his eyes "y..yes...please." You breathed, gripping the collar of his leather tunic, you drug his lips to yours in a passionate kiss, swiping your tongue across his lip hearing him moan into your mouth, biting down on his lip as you slightly pulled back, the taste of copper on your tongue "mm...my little minx" He cooed wiping the crimson from his lip. "Hurry...back." you said sternly "yes ma'am." He breathed, pecking your lips as he walked over grabbing his bag "and Loki." You said making him look back at you from from the door "um..be careful...please." You said watching him smile and nod as he walked out closing the door behind him.

Loki huffed, taking a seat in the cockpit waiting for his partner to return. Of all the people stark could have paired him with, it had to be the soldier. The mortal was the bane of his existence with his brash attitude and constant flirtation with you. He knew the Sargent had asked you out before he had, he also knew you had tuned him down, smiling remembering what you had said "I was waiting for you to pull your head out if you arse." Clearing his throat hearing footsteps walking up the ramp. "Thanks for waiting." Bucky snarked sitting in the pilots sear.

"You seemed to have things under control." Loki snarked back watching bucky roll his eyes "yeah well, not all of us are magicians laufeyson." Bucky said, sarcasm lacing his tone "I have an Idea, how about you get us back to the tower Barnes." Loki snapped, feeling his irritation rising "I have things I would much rather be...doing." loki said smiling, remembering his promise from this morning. "That makes two of us." Bucky said, flipping some switches on the control panel as the engine roared to life, the jet lifting in the air when Loki decided to go to the back of the jet, he needed away from this mortal.

"Need a nap old man?" Bucky snarked making Loki turn back to him "I beg your pardon?" Loki said crossing his arms. "It's just your what...a thousand years old?" Bucky asked switching on auto pilot "would be a shame if you couldn't....perform when we got back." He continued standing up facing Loki. "One thousand sixty to be exact, and what exactly are you implying Barnes." Loki asked sternly stepping forward. Bucky held his hands up smiling "I just noticed your little accessory there." He said pointing to Loki's neck "having trouble handling your woman?" He asked seeing Loki's expression change "maybe that's why she found her way to my room while you were away last time." Bucky smirked. Loki smiled at the mans weak attempt to make him jealous, remembering you telling him you had visited the soldier "yes...I'm sure she will be returning your charger very soon." Loki snarked seeing Bucky's eyes widen.

Assured he had won the argument, Loki continued to the back of jet "so, I was gonna ask...did y/n get a new suit?" He heard bucky ask making him turn back around "why?" Loki asked glaring at him "oh, no reason. She just looked really good on our last mission....and when she bent over." Bucky said fanning himself "you will watch how you speak about her." Loki snapped stepping forward "I'm just saying, she definately knows how to fill that suit in all the right places." Bucky winked making anger surge through Loki's veins "and I would be more then happy to help her out, if you can't handle her." Bucky said turning around beginning to walk back to the cockpit "I am a God you cretin! And you will not..." Bucky turned seeing the jet empty "umm loki?" He called out looking around, nearly tripping looking down seeing Loki's suit on the floor "what the..." he trailed off, leaning down he reached out, freezing seeing the suit move slightly.

"Loki..." he was cut off as a small animal lunged at his face knocking him off his feet, his back hitting the metal floor hard as the animal latched its claws into his skin. "Aahh shit! Get...off!" Bucky yelled trying to pry the animal off him when he dug his claws in deeper. Using his metal arm he pried the claws out of his cheek, tossing the animal aside as he turned his head seeing...."a cat....really laufeyson. Your losing your touch." Bucky laughed, wincing as he wiped the blood off his face seeing the cat dart away. "Yeah, you better run!" Bucky yelled turning to his side lifting himself to his knees. "Ok, where did stark put the first aid kit." Bucky said to himself standing up walking towards the back of the jet. Scrounging around in one of the cabinets he heard a noise in the vent in the wall.

Furrowing his eyebrows he pulled the grate off the wall, pulling his flashlight put he shined it into the vent trying to see what the noise was when the light reflected two small dots near the back. "Hey, what are you..." he was cut off again as Loki lunged out of the vent, again latching himself to Bucky's head "Dammit...Loki!" He yelled, trying to reach back and pull him off as Loki dug his claws into his neck sliding down to his shoulders "fuck!" Bucky yelled, looking over seeing a paw on his shoulder "don't you..." he started when his arm suddenly dropped to the floor with a loud bang. "You little..." he growled, trying to reach him with his other hand when Loki jumped down and ran off. "Loki!" Bucky yelled, the only sound the engine of the jet "this isn't funny man come on." He said looking around when he heard a loud beeping from the control panel.

He stormed to the cockpit seeing they were near the tower "Thank God." He sighed, flipping the switch to turn off the autopilot but nothing happened "shit." He hissed, picking up the radio "Hey Steve, I can't switch off autopilot." He said waiting for a response "yeah we just saw that, hang tight we're working on it." He heard Steve say. "Man, I need to land now." He said sternly glancing to the back of the jet "I know, we're trying." Steve said. Bucky slammed the radio down standing up "look, loki we can't land. Just come out and stop acting like a child." Bucky said looking around. "This is ridiculous, I'm talking to a cat." He sighed going to pick up his arm when he heard a thud came from inside the floor vent "Loki....I swear to." He started when Loki lunged out of the floor vent digging his claws into the front of Bucky's suit hissing and biting at him.

"Aahhh! Fuck!" Bucky yelled as Loki dug hard into his suit, ripping it down the front as he climbed back up, latching into his skin "loki stop!" He yelled trying to grab him again as he lept off of him diving back into the vent. Looking down he winced seeing the claw marks across his chest "two can play that game." Bucky said pulling a knife out of his utility belt "Let's go laufeyson." He said slowly stalking across the jet. His nerves were on edge, a sound behind him making him jump and spin around "come out and fight me like a man!" He yelled gripping the knife in his hand walking backwards to the back of the jet as Loki crept along the piping above him. "Are you a coward, or are you gonna come out and face me!" He yelled taking another step when Loki lunged, a ball of claws and rage landing on the top of Bucky's head clawing at his face. "Aaahh damn...fuck!" Bucky yelled dropping his knife trying to get the cat off of him.

You ran to the landing pad as the jet landed. They had been circling the tower for over an hour and Bucky sounded panicked over the radio when they finally got the autopilot fixed. You stood at the back, watching the ramp drop as Bucky threw himself out, tripping on the way down "h..he's in the vents!" He yelled crawling backwards away from the jet "where's your arm buck?" You asked, taking in his appearance "t..the vents!" He yelled again getting up looking at you wild eyed "what happened to you?" You asked seeing his suit torn to shreds, claw marks across his face and chest and blood smeared everywhere "h..he happened to me!" He said pointing to the jet. You peeked in not seeing anyone "did you hit your head?" You asked turning back seeing Bucky back up more "Stay away from the vents!" He yelled before running into the tower.

You turned back to jet shaking your head as you walked up the ramp "loki, come on." You called out not getting a response when your foot nudged something, looking down seeing one of Loki's boots. "Shit.." you muttered, walking futher seeing a pile of his leathers "he's in the..." you trailed off looking around, Bucky's arm laying on the floor in the corner, his knife laying haphazardly in the middle of the floor. Looking over seeing the vent cover had been removed from the wall vent when realization hit you "Loki Laufeyson!" You yelled, putting your hands on your hips looking around "im going to give you two minutes to show yourself!" You yelled tapping your foot when you heard a small thump in the floor vent by Bucky's arm, it slowly lifted and two bright green eyes met yours.

"Out....here....now!" You said stenrly as Loki crawled out of the vent, walking over he sat down by your feet looking up at you with a quiet meow. You looked down at him crossing your arms "what do you have to say for yourself?" You asked getting another quiet meow as he looked down. "Room now." You said sternly as he leaned up on his hind legs reaching up to you "no, you can walk." You said storming past him. You made it to your room, opening the door seeing Loki rush past you jumping on the bed.

You sighed, heading to the closet seeing him lay out on the bed. Putting on your biggest sweater paired with a pair of sweat pants you came out sitting on the bed when Loki came up nudging your side. "No, you sleep on your side, and I think im going to have a headache for awhile." You said, huffing as you laid down pulling the blankets over yourself hearing Loki meow "Goodnight Loki." You said closing your eyes feeling him settle into the bed. You two were going to have a serious talk tomorrow about your "situation."....

@mochie85 @lokisgoodgirl @kinky-faerie @xorpsbane @midnights-ramblings @simping-for-marvel @holdmytesseract @kkdvkyya @slpnbty2001 @lokixryss @vane28282 @violethaze @coldnique @aniar4wniak @nate-ate-hate @buttercupcookies-blog @brattymum96 @dukes2581 @your-taste-on-my-lips @mybabyh @blog-the-lilly @irishhappiness @sinsandguilt @filthyhiddles @lovebyloki @kikster606 @javagirl328 @misunderstoodself @highkeysimpingforloki @eleniblue @commanding-officer @athalialaufeyson @stupidthoughtsinwriting @lokiandbuckysdoll @loopsisloops @joyful-enchantress @jaidenhawke @silverfire475 @high-functioning-lokipath @kittiowolf210 @slytherclaw1227 @joyfullymassivewhispers @wolfsmom1 @libbybeaz @lokikissesmyforehead @goblingirlsarah @thomase1

[muddyorbsblr]

scenario: the Lokis in my stories meet each other

Mobius: So you all have a Y/N in your respective universes? all Lokis nod, smiling Mobius: Tell us about her 'a heart like yours' Loki: I woke her from a sleeping curse placed on her heart because the curse needed someone who loved her with their whole heart in order to be broken 'secret notes' Loki: she anonymously professed her love for me on the Internet and accidentally became a celebrity outside of being an Avenger 'all wrapped up' Loki: she unwittingly gave me the idea on how to seduce her 'talking in your sleep' Loki: she unwittingly confessed that she loves me when she was under the influence of sleep medication 'man of the month' Loki: mine did that, too, except she was exhausted from working on a date keeper, not on sleep medication Mobius: *looking at a fidgety Loki at the end of the couch* and what about you? 'relinquish the crown' Loki: she's my wife everyone: awwwwww 'relinquish the crown' Loki: and she's also Thor's daughter everyone: DUDE--

(i have nothing to offer at the moment, so have this instead)

[jacksprinceofhearts13]

Loki*small smirk*: Dear “brother”, I am neither blond, nor a hero, nor brawny.Yet I have more fangirls than you.

Thor:

Loki*smirk intensifies*: One might say that I… STOLE YOUR THUNDER.

Thor: Listen here yOU LITTL-

[shipperoffanonships]

Sylvie: You have no idea how much I want to punch you in the face right now. Loki: Try to reach it first.

[use-your-telescope]

WIP Snippet #3: Can You Feel It Now? (Bonus Snippet)

Alright, I’m giving a bonus snippet - one that my beta reader hasn’t even read yet! So if this seems a bit rough around the edges/there are obvious grammar errors, that���s why…

The snippet I shared earlier this weekend is a bit heavier, but this one is fluffy and (hopefully) funny, and just... it cracked me up throughout writing.

Takes place after Snippet 2. Warning for some blood In the beginning. Lots of shameless flirting and banter.

Tag list: @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @thedistractedagglomeration @lokisgoodgirl @simplyholl @mochie85 @coldnique @lokixryss @gigglingtigger @cheekyscamp @loopsisloops @mischief2sarawr​

(If you want to be added to a tag list, comment or send me an ask!)

Song: Chit Chat - Beach Weather

Can You Feel It Now?

By any measure, it started off as a normal Tuesday night.

The Emergency Department was busy, but not overwhelmingly so. It was, however, busy enough that when Theo was handed the tablet for her next patient and pointed towards the exam room, Theo had skipped the name on the file and went straight to the presenting concerns. She pulled the curtain back, ready to introduce herself and begin treatment.

“Hi, I’m – Jesus Christ, what happened to you?” Theo froze, gawking at the sight before her.

Sitting on the examination table was Loki, dressed in his armor and covered with dried blood. No, not just covered - it was like he took a swim in it. And that was coming from someone who saw absurd amounts of blood and gore on a daily basis.

Despite looking like he just escaped the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Loki leaned back on one hand, legs crossed at his ankles as his attention went studying from a poster on the wall next to Theo, acting as if he was just paying her a visit like any other day. The only clue that something wasn’t right was how his other hand was curled around his stomach, protecting the wound beneath.

“You have a God before you, there is no need to call upon the one whom some Midgardians believe to be a deity,” Loki smirked, sitting up and squaring his shoulders toward Theo. “We were caught up in a bit of unanticipated combat, but it is of no concern.”

“Hm, I’m going to disagree with that, given you are absolutely soaked in blood, not to mention that the reason for your visit is listed as –” Theo glanced down at the tablet for good measure, “ – stab wound in left upper abdomen.”

“You’ve heard the tales.” Loki offered a nonplussed shrug. “A stabbing is hardly noteworthy for me.”

Despite rolling her eyes, Theo couldn’t hold back a breathless puff of a laugh. “Let me guess: ‘you should see the other guy?’” She rummaged through the cabinets and drawers, pulling out the assorted tools she would need for assessing and treating Loki’s injuries.

“The operatives were effectively eliminated, so there is nothing to see.” Loki shrugged, eyes trained on something behind Theo. He cocked his head to the side, lips twisting with curiosity. “However, now that I’m here, there is something else worth seeing.”

“Oh really?” Theo absentmindedly replied, crouched down as she peered into the back of a cabinet in search of a specific type of suture needle.

“Indeed. It seems the Falcon will provide my entertainment whilst waiting for you to conclude what I already know, which is that I do not need medical attention.”

“If you don’t need medical attention, a) why are you here, and b) why does my patient intake form say you have a stab wound?” She dryly challenged, “And why are you grabbing your side like that?”

“Oh, I certainly have a stab wound.” Loki readily admitted, offering a coy smile. “My brother insisted I pay a visit, despite knowing I am more than capable of managing a stab wound on my own.”

“Better safe than sorry.” Theo shrugged, now focused on finding something that would help clean off the blood so she could check for bruises without making a mess of the exam room. “What’s the entertainment?”

“Attempting to woo your colleague.”

Theo leapt to her feet and whipped around, accidentally smacking the tray of medical supplies with enough force that it clattered to the ground. She froze, wide-eyed and heart pounding in her chest, bracing herself for everyone around them to stop and stare.

“Norns, you are subtle as a brick wall.” Loki snorted from behind Theo.

Though there were a couple side glances, it was nowhere near what Theo expected; the hustle and bustle of the emergency department seemed to conveniently mask the crash. Even better, Sam didn’t notice, nor did Julie.

“Shut up.” Theo couldn’t help but laugh, absentmindedly waving her hand and using a touch of magic to clean up the mess she made. “I had to see if it was who I hoped he was flirting with.”

“And?”

Theo turned back to Loki, who cocked an eyebrow at her with an expectant smirk.

“You breathe a word of this to anyone and I’ll make you regret being born –” Theo waved a suture needle that was still in its sterile packaging at him, as if it were a weapon that she was threatening him with. “– but yes, yes it is...” Theo resumed cleaning up the cuts and dried blood on Loki’s skin.

“Does your colleague find the Falcon attractive?”

Theo snickered. “She called his ass a national treasure. Every time we hang out we spend as much time talking about her crush on Sam as we do on everything else combined.”

“Based on my observations, she seems appropriately flattered and flustered by his advances.”

“Tell me if she makes a fool of herself.” Theo instructed. “Alright, I need you to take your armor off - I’ve gotta give you the once-over.”

“If you wish to see me nude, you need not make excuses about medical attention.”

“Might I remind you that you came to me for medical treatment, Mischief. Now, I know you have at least one wound that will need treatment, which I can’t get to without either having you remove your armor or me cutting it off, and lord only knows what else I’ll find when I actually take a look” Theo countered, pulling out a hospital gown and setting it next to Loki. “So unless you want me to ruin your fine Asgardian leather, you should probably just take it off. I’ll step out to give you a minute to change into this. Leave the underwear on.”

“No need.” In a flash of green, Loki’s armor was off, leaving him perfectly clean, dressed in nothing but a pair of black boxer shorts. He held his arms out to the sides and dipped his head with a flourish, still wearing a smirk on his face. “I present myself to you for your examination… Among other things.”

With his body on open display, Theo had to stop herself from staring and focus on conducting an examination.

She had seen her fair share of gods - from a different pantheon, sure, but gods - and while they were objectively good-looking, none of them had been what Theo would call her type. 

But Loki? 

His abs may have been carved from the finest marble by Michelangelo. Long, elegant muscles stretched taut across his body - a pleasant change from the SHIELD agents Theo cared for throughout her time, and a sharp contrast from the bulking, almost comically-sized muscles that belonged to the majority of the Avengers.

Scars littered themselves across his porcelain skin; even though their origins were most certainly violent, they brought their own kind of beauty. It took an absurd amount of willpower not to reach up and trace her fingers along the defined lines of his figure, especially the scar just to the right of his sternum - whatever caused that must have been a true force to be reckoned with.

It was probably a good thing that Julie was busy with Sam, because if she saw that Theo was assigned to Loki and that he had his shirt off, Julie would never stop teasing Theo about it.

After the requisite poking and prodding (and no more, because she was a professional and she was not about to give Loki the satisfaction of turning into a fawning, drooling mess over him in nothing but shorts), Theo straightened up and took a deep breath. “Alright, just the wound on your side needs to be closed up. I’d normally recommend stitches, but I’m feeling generous, so I’ll close it up for you with some magic.”

Loki smirked. “Truly generous of you to bestow a touch of magic upon me.”

Theo gently pressed his shoulders back so he’d lay down on the examination table. “Well, I can’t say I’m thrilled about you coming back with an injury like this and claiming you don’t need medical care, so maybe this is my way of incentivizing you to not hide injuries.”

Or it was her way of showing off a little. After all, he kept making comments about wanting to see her magic in play, particularly the healing magic.

“Alright, this will be a little uncomfortable, but it should go quick.”

“I cannot imagine it would be any more uncomfortable than sitting here with a gash in my side,” Loki pointed out, cocking an eyebrow as he smirked up at her.

“You’re the one who wanted to pretend there was nothing wrong with you,” Theo shot back, rolling her eyes despite the smile that crept up on her face. “Maybe I should make you get stitches - I don’t want to reward recklessness. You’re lucky I like you.”

She cracked her knuckles, brought her hands out to hover just over the injury, and let the magic flow. Focusing her attention on the gash, her arms lit up with delicate white runes, swirling and trailing down her arms and into Loki’s skin. Theo closed her eyes, envisioning the path of each tendril of magic and the way it traveled through Loki’s body, stitching him back together.

When the last of his skin drew itself together, Theo let out a quiet breath and dispelled the runes. She stole a glance up to find Loki staring at her, a sparkle of something warm in his seaglass eyes. Her cheeks burned, and she averted her gaze.

“Voila. Good as new.” Theo felt her lips curl into a smile as she traced her fingers along the newly closed skin, lingering at the end of what was once a wound.

Beneath her touch, Loki shivered. He propped himself up on his elbows and examined where the wound once was.

“I thank you for your services,” he said, his attention fixed on where Theo’s fingertips met his skin. “If only all healers had such an enchanting touch, perhaps I would not forgo treatment of minor injuries.”

Theo snorted. “Minor? You had a stab wound. In your abdomen - where all of your internal organs are. If you were any other patient I would have admitted you in two seconds.”

As Theo spoke, Loki went from propped on his elbows to sitting upright. “Ah, but you refrained, because you know I am no mere mortal.” He teased, wiggling his eyebrows at her. Combined with the height of the examination table, he towered over Theo, eyes trained on her like a predator hunting his prey.

“Yeah yeah, you’re a god and I should be worshiping you because you’re the best thing since sliced bread,” Theo drawled, turning away to peel her gloves off and toss them in a bin. “Last I checked, I’m the one patching you up, so maybe you should be worshiping me — if that’s something you Norse gods are capable of.” She added a wink to her comment.

“Ah, it is folly to assume gods are incapable of worship.” The smirk on Loki’s face grew and his eyes darkened. “Gods can worship like none other, darling. Perhaps I might show you.”

“Not while I’m on the clock, buddy.” Theo’s face burned, but she tried her best to keep a neutral expression as she deflected. “In the meantime, go be mischievous and spy on Sam and Julie. I have a bet with the charge nurse about how long it will take them to finally get together, and I want any intel you can find in case I need to change my wager.”

A flash of something uncertain flashed across Loki’s face, but it was quickly replaced by an almost obnoxiously cocky grin. “Say no more darling. I will investigate.” He hopped off the table, and in a flash of emerald he was dressed in black joggers and a forest green zip-up sweatshirt, unzipped to reveal a gray t-shirt. He strolled to the door, then just before crossing the threshold he spun around with a flourish. “In the meantime, I recommend preparing for all the methods in which you might extol my virtues, since I will require devotion if I am to inform you of my discoveries, thus aiding you in your endeavor.”

“Oh my god you are such a dork,” Theo playfully groaned. “Glad you’re fine, I have patients to tend to, so you need to go — bye!” For dramatic effect, she pretended to shove Loki out the door.

Loki feigned shock, but the sparkle in his eye betrayed him, as did the bright smile he flashed on his way out. When he was gone, Theo turned away from the door and let out the breath she didn’t realize she had been holding.

Since when was she flustered by Loki?

[lokean-mischief]

I really wanted to cook with Loki today, but I'm taking a bus to visit mum at 4pm :(

This breakfast is still an offering for him :)

I probably shouldn't be using him and Apollo as antidepressants, but damn I love feeling his excitement and energy

Also apparently he likes "danger noodle" as a term of endearment?? 😂

[oliwrites]

I Have a Confession

pairing: loki x f!reader

genre: fluff, humor?

summary: you have a confession you wish to make to loki, but things don’t really go your way

warnings: none i don’t think

word count: <1000

You padded through the compound, you had a certain swagger to your step. A swagger that was full of confidence, you were finally going to do it. You were finally going to confess to Loki.

Loki joined the Avengers almost 2 years ago and you basically swooned over him since you first laid eyes on him. You never had the confidence to confess to Loki until tonight. Sure, you had 1… 2… 3, Hell maybe even 4 too many drinks, but it was the exact thing you needed to say what you wanted to say for these past 2 years now.

“Loki Laufeyson!” You yelled out, searching for the raven haired god, before you finally spotted him on the compound couch wearing black sweatpants and a skintight t-shirt.

The t-shirt hugged this biceps perfectly and complimented his pectorals. The shirt slightly caressed the dips and curves of his abs. What you would do to rip that shirt off and lick his muscles is practically unspeakable.

“Yes, darling?” Loki asked, looking away from his phone that lightly illuminated the features on his face, accentuating his chiseled cheekbones.

“I have a confession I wish to make,” You stated matter-of-factly.

“Go on,” Loki spoke, raising an eyebrow and now shutting off his phone to turn and look at you.

“I like you, like a lot a lot. Ever since I saw you in the Avengers compound and ever since you became and official part of the team, I’ve liked you,” You slurred, trying your best to appear sober, “I think you’re like really hot— Shit did I say that out loud? Fuck… I mean you are especially in that shirt like damn,” You rambled, losing a touch of your confidence.

“Is that all?” Loki asked, an amused look now plastered on his face.

“If I said what I really had to say I’d probably be kicked off the team, so yeah, that’s it, I like really like you and I want you to be my boyfriend or something,” You replied almost blandly. Part of you wanted to slap yourself for being so stupid with your words, and the other part of you just wanted to jump his bones already.

“Darling, I’m sorry, but I cannot be your boyfriend,” Loki replied sympathetically.

“But… why?” You asked weakly, tears starting to form in your eyes as his words hit you like a bus. People told you rejection hurt, but nobody told you it hurt that bad.

“Because we’re already married!” Loki laughed, lifting up his left ring finger, showing off the simple gold band that hugged around it.

You blinked the tears away and looked down at your own ring finger to see the the gold ring that was adorned by many emeralds. You stopped and admired the way it looked on your finger before speaking up again.

“Oh yeah…”

*

i have no idea where this idea came from, but i’m working with it and now i’m going to bed!!

[michelleleewise]

Claw and Order

Pairing: Loki x female reader

Warnings: cat mischief, loki being loki but as a cat, use of the word "purr" a ridiculous amount, established relationship, sub/dom dynamics, collars, shenanigans, spells gone wrong, the loss of Steve's favorite cup....

Summary: An argument between Thor and Loki about his new "accessory" causes Loki's anger to rise.. when the good captain tries to help....

A/n-graphics by @harlequin-hangout and a special shout out to @soubi001 for helping with the title!!! Your amazing!! And @vbecker10 for listening to my nonsensical rambling!! Love you!!!

Part of the lokitty series-

You watched Loki roll to his back, the small gold bell of his collar jingling as he moved. He had changed back some time ago but he hadn't woken up yet, so you patiently waited. You crossed your legs, biting your lip as your eyes took in his bare form. A few loose strands of his hair gently draping across his face, the collar moving ever so slightly as his Adam's apple bobbed, a small groan passing his parted lips. You eyes traveled further down, watching his chest rise and fall with each breath, his large hands splayed across his stomach, your thighs clenching remembering the last thing he did to you with those hands.

You felt your cheeks heat up seeing his stomach flex as he shifted again, your eyes traveling further down when Loki cleared his throat "you know I love how you admire me love." He purred, turning to his side facing you snapping you out of your trance "loki..." you said crossing your arms "oh dear, you aren't upset with me are you?" He smiled propping himself up on one elbow "loki, you destroyed the lab." You said sternly seeing his smile widen "improved is more like it." He said swinging his long legs off the bed sitting up "but, i am at your mercy. you may punish me as you see fit my queen." He said watching you. "Oh, I already have...darling." you said mimicking his accent smiling widely seeing him furrow his eyebrows.

You stood up, swinging your hips as you walked to the bed, stepping between his parted legs you reached out running a finger under the green collar, tugging him slightly forward as you leaned down to his level. "You've been a bad boy loki." You purred, hooking your fingers under the collar "now, what should I do with you?" You smiled seeing his eyes widen "well I have a few....suggestions if your interested." He smiled, quickly regaining his composure as you straightened up, his head tilting up looking at you making a shiver run up your spine, this man was going to be death of you. You gently pulled him forward, his eyes never leaving yours as his knees met the carpet, his back straightening placing his hands on his thighs

"first, you are..." you were cut off as Jarvis spoke "Mr Laufeyson, your presence is requested in the conference room." It said making you roll your eyes "Jarvis, can it wait?" You called out to the ceiling "I'm afraid not, It is rather urgent." It said. "Dammit." You muttered hearing Loki laugh "to be continued I guess" He snarked as you crouched down to his level "you may go, but this." You said tugging the collar "stays...on." you said sternly seeing him swallow "now darling, really. I can't wear this out there, they will..." you cut him off "will what? Know your mine...know that I can bend you to my will at any moment...that I can bring a prince to his knees?" You asked smiling "i..well you see.." he stuttered "it stays, am I understood?" You purred y...yes ma'am, understood." He said watching you straighten up

"good, we will discuss your punishment when you return." You said smiling as you turned back taking a seat in the chair as Loki stood clearing his throat, biting your lip as his clothes materialized on his long frame, the collar visible under rhe collar of his tunic "Darling, could we atleast remove the bell?" He asked, it jingling lightly as he talked "no, it stays as it is." You said "now hurry back, my patience is wearing very thin." You said hearing him sigh as he turned walking out the door. You couldn't help the smile that spread across your face as be left, ideas of what you were going to do to him running rampant through your mind.

Loki huffed, walking into the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea. The captain had been utterly insufferable, droning on and on about rules and regulations, how they needed to be a team and stop lone wolfing evey mission when he told them there was a team building trip this weekend and everyone was required to participate. Loki rolled his eyes remembering the end of the meeting "now laufeyson, don't be like that. It'll be fun." The man said smiling. Loki wanted nothing more then to slap the smile off the man's smug face. "Righteous imbicile." He grumbled setting the kettle on the stove.

"Brother, there you are." Thor said walking in. "I was looking for you after..." he trailed off, his eyes meeting Loki's neck "have my good looks left you speechless Thor?" Loki snapped crossing his arms. "I didn't think you the type Loki." He laughed sitting on a stool "what is that supposed to mean?" Loki snapped glaring at him "the type to allow a woman, a mortal no less...to collar you." Thor laughed again making Loki's face heat up "jealous are you?" Loki snarked feigning indifference "Loki, prince of asgard...rightful king brought to his knees by a mortal." Thor laughed, slapping his hand down on the counter. Loki rolled his eyes grabbing a cup from the cupboard "as much as I looove our little chats." Thor cut him off with another laugh, grating on Loki's nerves.

"D..does she..." Thor leaned forward holding his hands up "you know." He winked, making a lewd gesture with his hands as Loki slammed his and on the counter "what I do in my private chambers is not your concern!" He yelled as Thor sat still staring at him "I will thank you to stay out of my affairs." He said walking around the island towards the hall "loki don't be like that, I was only...." loki turned glaring at him "what...mocking me, making jest of my relationship?" Loki snapped stepping forward "atleast I have one, brother." Loki sneered as Thor stood up "what happened with your mortal...oh that's right, she dumped you." He smiled as Thor stormed up to him, standing nose to nose. "You do not know the story." Thor said glaring at him.

"Well, one can only assume you couldn't please her." Loki snarked when Thor shoved him "woah you two?" They both snapped their heads seeing Tony walk in "I don't need you destroying my tower." He said walking to them, smiling as his eyes landed on Loki's neck. "I see you got your present." Tony snarked "I don't have to stand here and take this." Loki said pushing past Tony storming towards the hallway "atleast I know where you are now!" Tony yelled at him when they both laughed. "Morons." Loki muttered hitting the button for the elevator feeling his anger begin to boil over.

Steve walked towards the elevator, pressing the button as he shifted through a small stack of paperwork from his last mission, tucking it under his arm when the elevator dinged and the doors slid open. He walked in, his eyebrows furrowing seeing a pile of clothes in the corner when they shifted making him jump back dropping his paperwork as a small black car emerged from the pile, hissing and snarling. "Oh, hey little guy." He cooed, a shiver running up his spine as the cats deep green eyes met his. "Where did you come from?" Steve asked kneeling down holding his arms out when the cat hissed and ran for the doors as they closed.

"Hey...hey calm down little fella." He said watching the cat claw at the doors leaving deep gashes in the metal. He reached out, quickly grabbing the cat holding him to his chest as it hissed and growled, digging its claws into his chest "god...bless America!" Steve yelled twisting the cat around trying to keep the cats razor sharp claws away from his skin. "Who is your owner little guy?" He asked, running a finger under the green collar as it began twisting again. "Ok, ok I'll take you to my room until we can find your master." He said as the doors slid open, Steve held the cat out into the air as he walked to his room "Alright, you stay here and I'll be right back." He said opening the door setting the cat down quickly shutting it so it didn't get out. "Sheesh, someone's upset." He said hearing the snarling on the other side of the door.

He hurried back to the elevator grabbing his paperwork, shifting through it he pressed the button for the labs, the sooner he got the paperwork to Tony the sooner he could take care of his new friend. Rushing out as soon as the doors opened he walked into the lab seeing Tony hunched over his latest project "Hey, I'm gonna leave these here, I've got something to take care of." He said as Tony looked up at him "where's the fire cap?" He asked grabbing the stack of papers "oh, I found this cute little cat in the elevator and I need to find his owner." Steve said smiling.

"wait...black cat?" Tony asked freezing "yeah, big green eyes, do you know it?" Steve asked "green collar I'm assuming?" Tony continued "yeah, do you know who the owner is?" Steve asked "I think so, but your gonna wanna get back to your room...like now." Tony said standing up "what do you..." Tony cut him off "trust me...I've got a call to make." Tony said rushing to his desk. Steve stood there a minute trying to figure out what Tony's issue was before he shrugged and headed back towards the elevator "scientists..." he sighed stepping inside pressing the button for his floor. His phone ringing as he stepped out "Steve! Where are you?" He heard your panicked voice through the speaker "y/n? I'm heading to my room." Steve said stopping in front of his door.

"Steve, listen to me...the cat." He pulled the phone away hearing a loud bang behind the door "y/n, I'm gonna have to call you back." Steve said hanging up as he opened the door to his room, his eyes widening at the scene in front of him. His clothes had been drug out of the closet, spread across the floor in shreds. His favorite chair sat in the corner, deep gashes slashed through it as the cotton stuffing poured out and into the floor. His eyes traveled further, seeing the deep blue duvet that was on his bed now on the floor ripped apart, the same gashes traveling across his mattress the insides pulled out when he saw the blank space on the wall where his shield had been.

"No no no.." he said, closing the door he rushed across the room seeing his shield on the floor, long deep claw marks traveling across it. He dropped to his knees, running his fingers along the gashes "why..." he sighed, picking it up holding it to his chest when he heard another noise come from the kitchen. He got up, still holding his shield he slowly walked into the kitchen, seeing the cat sitting on the counter twirling a long knife on the counter with its paw. "H..hey little guy." Steve cooed walking forward as the cats eyes met his "Let's just stay calm." Steve said as the cat batted the knife hard with his paw, launching it into the air lodging in the wall next to Steve's head "woah! What are you.." he trailed off seeing the cat jump into the cabinet and begin knocking the plates down onto the floor.

"Hey! Stop that!" Steve yelled as the cat kicked a stack of bowls, glass shattering across the floor. "Steve, open the door." He heard your on the other side of the door as he watched the cat slither along his coffee mugs, his tail whipping around each one as it knocked one by one out of the cabinet, glass flying everywhere when he stopped, placing his paw on the last cup...Steve's favorite, the dark blue cup with his insignia on it that bucky had given him "Please..." Steve tried as the cat looked into his eyes, pushing the cup forward. "No..." Steve whispered as the cat tipped it over the edge. Steve dropped the shield, diving for the cup but barely missed as it shattered in small pieces across the kitchen floor. He picked up a few of the larger pieces, leaning against the cabinets when he heard the door open.

"Steve, where are you?" You called out hearing a noise in the kitchen you walked in seeing glass covering the tile floor, a knife lodged onto the wall and Steve's shield "Steve, are you..." you trailed off seeing the super soldier hunched over on the floor "i..I was only trying to help." Steve said looking up "are you crying?" You asked furrowing your eyebrows "no! I got something in my eye." He said wiping his face "riiiight." You said looking around "Where's the cat?" You asked "i..I don't know, he was here a minute ago" Steve said standing up. You walked out, sighing seeing the destruction when you heard a ripping sound in the closet. You looked to Steve holding your finger to your lips as you stalked closer, peeking inside you saw loki digging his claws into Steve's uniform. Steve tried to storm in when you punched him in the arm making him wince "shh...stay here." You whispered as you kneeled down, slowly crawling forward.

You waited until he turned to pounce, lunging forward your wrapped your arms around his small frame pulling him to your chest. "Loki....I swear.." you growled, his eyes widening as he looked back at you. "Oh...you just wait..." you said hearing him purr as you stood up. "D..did you get him? Are you ok?" Steve called out as you sighed "yes, im fine." You said stepping out of the closet. "I'm so sorry Steve, I'll replace all of this." You said looking around the room. "It..it's fine." He said looking down, still holding the pieces of his cup. "No, it's not. I'll make sure it's taken care of." You said patting his shoulder. "I'll come back with Loki, I'm sure he'll he more then happy to help." You said hearing Loki hiss.

"It's ok, I'm pretty sure he hates me." Steve said sitting down in his chair, shifting as a spring poked him "He does not hate you, he's just..." you trailed off looking down at Loki purring against you "no, he's does. I know I can be a bit...much." Steve said with a sad smile. "I'll talk to him, I promise." You said seeing Steve nod. "Ok, I'll call you in a little bit." You said as you walked out, making your way back to your room. "I have a surprise for you.." you snarked, seeing loki look up at you. You walked into your room, shutting the door you walked across the room holding him tightly. "I had a talk with your brother today." You said walking into the bedroom flipping the light on "and he had a....suggestion...in how to get you to behave." You smiled, walking towards the corner.

"He even helped me set it up, said it came from Asgard." You smiled. You looked up at the six foot structure, three glass walls forming a rectangle with runes you didnt entirely understand etched into the glass. stepping in you set him down on the fluffy green pillow, watching him sit down looking up at you as you stepped back, your fingers pressing the buttons on a small keypad on the outside wall as a bright orange light covered the opening. "Now you sit here and think about your behavior." You said sternly watching him walk towards the energy field, pressing his paw against it when he looked up at you, his eyes squinting at you. "Don't look at me like that, you did this to yourself." You said walking over towards the bed.

"It's a shame really..." you sighed, slowly sliding your shirt over your head "I had so many plans for tonight." You said. Standing up you slowly pulled your jeans down your legs, looking up seeing Loki stalking back and forth across his little cell. Turning around your slid your panties down your legs, kicking them to the side as you stood, removing your bra leaving you bare as you glanced over your shoulder seeing loki clawing at the wall. "Goodnight Loki." You purred, blowing him a kiss as you climbed in bed hearing him mewl and whine. "Maybe next time you'll.......behave." You said grabbing your earbuds you hit play on your phone.

He was going to learn his lesson, one way or another.....

@mochie85 @lokisgoodgirl @kinky-faerie @xorpsbane @midnights-ramblings @simping-for-marvel @holdmytesseract @kkdvkyya @slpnbty2001 @lokixryss @vane28282 @violethaze @coldnique @aniar4wniak @nate-ate-hate @buttercupcookies-blog @brattymum96 @dukes2581 @your-taste-on-my-lips @mybabyh @blog-the-lilly @irishhappiness @sinsandguilt @filthyhiddles @lovebyloki @kikster606 @javagirl328 @misunderstoodself @highkeysimpingforloki @eleniblue @commanding-officer @athalialaufeyson @stupidthoughtsinwriting @lokiandbuckysdoll @loopsisloops @joyful-enchantress @jaidenhawke @silverfire475 @high-functioning-lokipath @kittiowolf210 @slytherclaw1227 @joyfullymassivewhispers @wolfsmom1 @libbybeaz @lokikissesmyforehead @goblingirlsarah @thomase1

[mobius-m-mobius]

Tom on more of Owen's s2 improv (x)

[lowkeloki]

[actually-mentally-ill]

fanfic authors:

[batvilletv]

My personality (cap) w/family

My personality (Johnny) w/friends

[iiluvkiss]

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

"You should be doing chaos, chaos should not be doing you, ya feel? Stop being a bottom."

- life advice from Loki

[twinkling-moonlilie-reblogs]

He totally was the one who sent in that anon request, don't even lie to me. I will believe nothing else.

Loki Loves Loki

Summary: It’s time for the annual Avengers Convention, the once-a-year fan meet for the Avengers, and you decide to take your cosplaying a daring step forward. You come to the event dressed as the God of Mischief himself, but some unexpected things happen

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