#loki angsty

[catastrxblues]

i love ao3 but tumblr fanfics just hit different 😩😩

[mobius-m-mobius]

(i n / s p)

[dilfmobius]

Lokius moments that altered my brain chemistry [6/?] ↳ "I don't know you."

[evan-buck]

LOKI 1x02 The Variant / 2x06 Glorious Purpose

+bonus

[yanderenightmare]

JJK ! The Itadoris

TW: poverty, drugs, family trauma

Thinking about the Itadori twins, all their baby brothers, and their older brother Choso – who, after their parents and grandfather died, has been their sole caregiver.

Which has in no way been any easy task. 

It’s like Shameless up in their house. Stuff’s either broken or crudely fixed with superglue and duck tape. The bills are piled in a wobbly stack in the kitchen, and everyone who can walk is expected to chip in. The walls are riddled with mold, and the bathroom looks like it hasn’t been washed in, well, ever.

But somehow, they make it seem like the most loving household on the block.

Yuji and Sukuna share a room, even though they hate one another and have fought each other with fists and kicks ever since they first learned how to. They'll fight over the smallest things, having always needed to share all their clothes and toys with one another – always up in the other's business as though they're living in each other head. They’re always riddled with cuts and strips, their knuckles wrapped tight in bandages they have to boil and reuse.

Sukuna is more troubled, and Choso has often made the decision to throw him out on the street, but the unwanted cretin always crawls back to crash on the couch when he has nowhere else to go – riddled with unwashed wounds, looking so beaten and starved, the older brother can’t help but take pity on him. Sighing heavily when carrying him up to his room, even when the urchin growls at him to piss off.

Yuuji has always tried steering his twin in a better direction – making him go to class, signing him up for college after high school, getting him a job – but Sukuna has always been in love with the streets and doesn’t want to partake in any pesky conformist rituals like his brothers are sworn on doing. He speaks loudly about it when he’s drunk or on other stuff – how they’re delusional sheep for thinking they could ever simply smile their way into another life – that being slumdogs is what they were meant to be ever since their parents decided to fuck off.

It's a shame… because you can tell he’s actually very smart. Smarter than Yuuji, who by no means tries very hard at school but always comes home with a C+ letter marking his assignments. You’re sure he’d get higher if he applied himself a little harder instead of goofing off in silly after-school clubs. And as for Sukuna, you’re sure he could be valedictorian if he bothered.

Sometimes, he’ll show up in class. Almost always with a new tattoo on his face or arm – from what you can see – you’re sure there’s a lot under his shirt you can’t. He's such a punk, lighting up a smoke in class before the teacher comes in, his muddy sneakers propped up on a poor sucker’s desk.

He smells of liquor and smoke when he swaggers passed you on his way out after the teacher barked at him to go to detention. He never goes, and you wonder why he would even bother coming – but you understand when you see him parole the hallways like he’s some tyrant king overseeing his domain – and you understand it even more when you see him dealing.

It's insane how different the twins are. You know twins often compliment each other, but Yuuji and Sukuna straight-up reject one other. Because Yuuji is the sweetest, most thoughtful person you’ve ever met, and despite humble beginnings, he’s always proudly boasting about all his younger brothers and older brother Choso – and though he rarely ever mentions Sukuna, you can tell how he’s troubled for his twin’s sake.

You admire Choso. He’s as old a brother as older brothers come. Doing everything for the sake of the younger ones. Packing lunches, helping with homework, drawing baths, and washing clothes. Yuuji helps with a lot of it, but still, the brunt of the decisions rests on Choso’s shoulders.

But despite the heavy bags beneath his tired eyes, he’s always got a lazy smile on his lips. So much love when he tucks all his kid brothers in at night, kissing their foreheads before crashing on the couch at the end of the day – a cold beer and a slim rolled joint in his hands as a little treat.

He always stays up and waits for Sukuna to come home – getting a little antsy if it starts to rain outside, hoping he’s not got himself caught up in some dumb gang again.

He rubs his face, hair disheveled in two top-knots – the TV on low so as not to wake the entire house. But Yuuji comes down the stairs after a while anyway, saying something like, “I’ll go look for him; I think I know where he is…”

And he’s almost always, always, at the graveyard with a bottle of vodka, sitting in just a thin shirt and soaked cargo pants in the pouring rain, all his cigarettes a mushy mess in the mud as he leans his head and back against the cold tombstone of their parents.

“D’you plan om sleeping out here?” Yuuji calls out through the storm, and Sukuna peels his eyes open with a scowl.

The alcohol has made him warm, but still, he’s so cold he can’t feel anything at all. He’s so pale he’s turning blue, and the markings he’d played off as tattoos run down his cheeks in blackish streaks.

Yuuji sighed at the lack of response, crouching down with a hand reached out. “Come on; you’re driving big-bro insane with this bullshit-”

“Fuck off.” He grunts back – his voice is so hoarse and so weak, Yuuji wouldn’t have heard it if he hadn’t expected it.

Still, it riles him up. “If you die, I’m not burying you here. Only family deserves a slot-”

Sukuna growls, staggering into a leap, he tackles Yuuji down in the mud – gracelessly crawling on top of him with his hands around his neck.

But he’s been drinking, and the cold has made him weak, and Yuuji easily turns it around on him – pinning him beneath himself with fists wringing his shirt.

“Jeez, bro- let’s just go home, okay?” He sighs, dismissing the attack. It’s not like it was anything new.

“If I step one foot inside that hellhole, I’m gonna burn it down- with you and everyone in it,” Sukuna mutters back, laying still in the sludge of wilted flowers and downtrodden grass.

Red lines his eyes – and Yuuji can tell, even in the rain…

“Yourself included?” He asks.

His eyes ease up from a narrowed scowl into simple weariness, looking off to the side. “It’s bullshit…” He mumbles. “To fuck us up only to leave…”

“D’you want ‘em to drag us down with ‘em?” Yuuji purposes, his fists loosening their grip.

Sukuna frowns in thought, bitterly accepting his brother’s point. In all his dim glory… Yuuji has always been smarter when it comes to matters of the heart.

“Curse them.” Sukuna grumbles under his breath, and Yuuji gives him a smile.

In all his shitty glory… his twin brother is pretty cute when he pouts after all. 

“Wanna piss on their grave?” He quirks through his smile.

Sukuna doesn’t answer, but accepts the hand reached down to him after Yuuji jumped to his feet.

And as they stand there in silence, the rain stops, and the warmth of their piss hitting the cold stone slab makes dew rise along with the morning sun on the horizon.

“There.” Yuuji shakes despite being soaked through and through. “Now let’s go home.” 

[strqng3r]

“How long will you wait?” “For you? as long as it takes.”

I'm interpreting Mobius' "Let time pass." as "I'll wait for my husband, thank you very much."

[lokimobius]

Do not separate them.

[holdfastperseus]

“Every moment of peace you’ve ever experienced was yours because I was here…Alone. At the end of time.”

Loki gave Mobius a chance to live, not knowing that as long as Loki isn’t by his side, he’ll never know peace.

[fayeisuppose]

I’m not a ‘I can fix him’ or ‘I can make him worse’ I’m a ‘I can stare at him in adoration as he commits several war crimes and murders a family of five’

[honeyhhearted]

Sweet Dreams

Read on AO3

Warnings: Health Anxiety, Depression, Mentions of Illness (No one is sick, reader just suffers from severe anxiety)

Relationship: Loki/Reader

Summary:

You can't sleep (again). 

You're afraid of burdening Loki, so you try to face it alone, when he catches you on one of your sleepless nights.

A/N:

Another fluff short for you <3

I personally really struggle with health anxiety/mild hypochondria, so this one is partially for me too.

You couldn’t sleep again.

When you got out of bed, eyes stinging, neck aching, you sighed to yourself. You hadn’t been able to get any sleep for the last few weeks. Nights spent staring into your phone until 3AM, watching the sun rise and dragging yourself out of bed every day were starting to wear you down. You were sluggish, shoulders drooping, dark circles beneath your eyes.

The sounds of the night kept you company. 

You padded quietly down the hallway, doing your best not to wake Loki. You didn’t want to worry him. Part of you knew that you should tell him. He could probably help you, you thought. But something in you tightened at the thought of inconveniencing him. He had a difficult enough time sleeping as it is, without you waking him in the dead of night. You didn’t want to become a burden more than you already were.

Night time was when anxiety plagued you the worst. Its spindly tendrils wrapped themselves around your chest, squeezing every time you dared to close your eyes. What if someone broke in, and you couldn’t stop them? What if they hurt you? What if they hurt him?

Every ache and pain in your body scared you. Sometimes it felt like you were afraid of yourself. You couldn’t let yourself sleep out of fear that you just…wouldn’t wake up. You couldn’t sleep beside Loki without worrying that the usually comforting sound of his even breaths would stop in the middle of the night.

During the day, he would catch you staring too long at a bruise, a scratch. Logically you knew where it would come from. You were incredibly clumsy, prone to bumping into things constantly. But when you could see it, when you stared at the lumps and bumps on your body long enough, you could convince yourself otherwise. Those were the moments he would comfort you, waving a hand over you before telling you, for the eighth time that day, that you were fine. 

“Sweetling,” He would say, gently every time, “I promise that you are in good health. What is worrying you so much?”

You always felt a rush of shame. He was so patient, so kind to you, even on the days where he’d have to tell you ten, twelve, times, and his brow would furrow and lips would purse at your fear.

“I’m sorry,” You whispered back. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

So, you stayed awake. Tossing and turning in bed until he drifted off to sleep beside you, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling until your eyes burned and your battery drained. Then you’d get up at 3AM, like clockwork. You’d walk through your home, listening to the soft sounds of crickets outside. You’d sit in the kitchen, coffee prepared in the fridge in advance so the sounds of you rustling around wouldn’t wake Loki. 

You sighed. Your head throbbed constantly from exhaustion, and your hands shook. As you sat, sipping your coffee, you felt your eyes begin to water. You were so tired. 

It was beginning to take a mental toll on you, the lack of sleep. You were more irritable, snapping at Loki over what you used to laugh about. You knew he deserved better, and you hated yourself when you saw the confusion in his eyes at your poor moods. You just felt so terrible, all the time, and you didn’t know what to do anymore. 

Some days, you considered just leaving. It felt like you couldn’t breathe, and you didn’t want to keep dragging him down with you. But the thought of doing so made your stomach clench. So, selfishly, you stayed. 

Thor had recommended you see someone. You knew you should. But you just…couldn’t. He approached you hesitantly, some weeks ago, the way someone would a feral animal. He looked so uncomfortable it almost made you laugh to think about, as it was such an out of place look on him.

“I don’t mean to overstep,” he said, awkwardly, “But, sister, are you well? You have been looking…I apologize for my bluntness, overtired. You do not seem physically ill. Has something happened?”

You smiled at him, heart warming at his care for you. The two of you had always been close, but had grown even closer when you started dating his brother. He treated you like a sister, protective and sweet. Your smile faded quickly, though, at his question. You didn’t want to get into it, not when you knew he’d likely tell Loki. You didn’t want to make either of them worry about you - at least not more than they clearly already were.

“I’m okay, Thor, it’s just…I’m just in my own head, I think. That’s all.” Was what you came up with.

He didn’t seem to believe you, but didn’t push it. You were thankful for that. “If you say so. Might I recommend those Midgardian mind healers? Jane regularly attends one.” He looked sheepish. “Don’t tell her I told you. But, I believe it is for moments when you are ‘in your own head’, as you put it.”

You sighed. “I know. I’ll think about it.”

That was weeks ago. You had a tab open to Google, the search “therapists near me” opened on it. It taunted you, most nights. You couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

“Darling?” A raspy, sleep-filled voice came from behind you. You whipped around, trying to blink away your tears. Loki stood in the entryway to the kitchen, eyes bleary as he looked at you. He was paler than normal, a frown firmly pasted on his face. Your heart thumped. Even half awake, you still found him so beautiful.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?” You asked, making your way over to him.

He wrapped his arms around you, breathing you in. You felt your shoulders relax. He always made you feel better, the familiar scent of spice and pine surrounding you as you listened to the strong sound of his heart.

“I woke, and you were not there.” He said. “I dreamt you were gone, and when I woke, you were.”

Guilt squeezed your stomach. Loki’s nightmares were not frequent, but when he had them they would typically revolve around you. You hurt, missing, dead…those nights were the ones he woke, a horrified noise ripping its way out of his throat, his hands shaking, skin pale. He always reached for you, hugging you to him like a lifeline. You felt terrible that you were not there for him.

“I’m so sorry, honey,” You said, your voice muffled into his chest.

“Why are you out here? It is late.” He pressed a kiss to your head before leaning back to look at you.

You hesitated. “I just couldn’t sleep.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“I…didn’t want to bother you.” You bit your lip, looking down.

“My love.” His voice was stern, yet gentle. “You are never bothering me. Do you hear me? If you need me, I am here. Always.” He paused, taking in your haggard appearance. “How long has this been happening?”

Tears welled in your eyes. Guilt and shame stabbed through your throat as a sob burst out of you. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” You sobbed, fisting his shirt in your hands. “I didn’t want to worry you, or burden you, or make you take care of me-” You inhaled sharply, the pain in your head worsening as you cried. “I just don’t feel good and I’m scared, please don’t be mad at me I’m sorry I didn’t mean to lie to you -” Loki shushed you, cradling your head to his chest as your whole body quivered. 

“My love, my love,” He said to you, rocking slightly. “I am so sorry you have dealt with this alone. I am sorry I did not notice sooner. I am not mad, I could never be mad at you for doing what you thought was a good thing. You are not a burden, darling, you never have been a burden. It is an honor and a privilege to take care of you every day. Every day I spend making you happy is the greatest thing I can do.”

You sobbed harder, squeezing him. “I just - I didn’t want to become a chore, I didn’t want you to resent me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just so tired.”

He shushed you again, softly, before lifting you in his arms. He pressed a kiss to your forehead as he walked you both back to your bedroom.

He laid you in bed gently before summoning a glass of water for you, placing it on your bedside table, and crawling under the covers. He held you as you calmed yourself, pressing kisses all over your face and whispering gentle affirmations to you. He wiped your tears with a sweet softness, massaged your scalp in a way you’d always found comforting, kissed your fingertips. When you caught your breath, you looked up at him through wet eyelashes.

“I think I need to talk to someone.” You said.

He smiled sadly at you. “Thor told me that he recommended a mind healer for you. They are called therapists on Midgard, yes?”

You nodded. “I was too scared to go.”

He kissed the tip of your nose. “I will be with you every step of the way, my sweet love. There is nothing to be afraid of, and if there is, I will be with you.”

You pressed yourself close to him, burying your head into his cool neck as his arms circled you.

“I love you, Loki,” you said quietly.

“And I love you, so much,” He replied.

He began to sing to you, an Asgardian lullaby you had heard many times, but never deciphered. The rhythmic motion of his hands running up and down your back soothed you, as your eyes drooped and you finally drifted off to sleep.

It was the sweetest sleep you’d had in weeks.

[1-800-teax]

Real

Loki x Reader Drabble

Angsty :(

Y/n’s POV:

"You...will...never...be...a...god." Loki manages to sputter out when Thano's applies more pressure and a loud 'CRACK!' is heard.

I jump awake panting heavily, trying desperately to catch my breath.

"Y/n! Y/n! It's me! I'm here! I'm right here!" Loki says frantically when he jumps awake beside me, clutching my shoulders in his palms, attempting to calm me down.

I look up at him, shock written across my face and fear swimming in my eyes, then his words register , "I'm here! I'm right here!".

Tears instantly fall from my eyes as a broken sob escapes my lips.

Loki's face softens, drowning with guilt before he wraps his arms around me, colliding our bodies as I let out body-shaking sobs, clutching onto his shirt so tightly as if I let go my nightmare will become a reality.

Loki rubs my hair softly while whispering sweet nothings into my ear to calm me down.

Slowly my sobs die down into semi-normal breathing, occupying sorrowful hiccups.

"I'm okay, Y/n. Thanos didn't kill me, I used an illusion. Remember?" he whispers in my ear, assuringly.

I gently nod and slightly loosen my grip on his shirt as I sit up, coming face-to-face with Loki’s tear streaked face.

We both have pouts on our faces as we stare at one another.

"I-" I start when my voice cracks which I realize is because all the crying has my throat hoarse.

I clear my throat before starting again, clearer this time.

“I was so scared. And it wasn't like all the other times you faked your death. No, this time it felt real. I- I felt you die." I express to him softly with hot tears rolling down my face.

"I know. I'm sorry." he whispers out with fresh tears falling from his eyes while gently gripping my small hands into his large ones.

"Please...please don't cry, my love." Loki says softly cupping my cheeks.

I shove my face into Loki’s chest, encouraging him to wrap me into his warm embrace once again.

I allow my hands to roam his strong back, and my ears to listen to the song of his heartbeat, while my nose engulfs his addicting scent. Capturing it all on my most sacred memories.

I hold it close to my heart and give myself a minute to realize that is is alive and breathing and he is real.

So very real and with me. Keeping me safe in his arms. Reminding me that I don’t know what I would do with out him, and making me promise to never have him in harms way again.

[lokidokieokie]

The Space Between

Summary: You and Loki have been friends for years, but your feelings for each other run deep. However, a misunderstanding leads to your friendship falling apart, leaving both of you with a gaping hole in your hearts.

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x Fem!Asgardian!Reader

Warning(s): angst (like lots of it), friends to lovers trope, mentions of Thor x reader (only one scene), happy ending tho 

(as per usual, lemme know if I forgot anything)

Loki had always been your best friend. You had grown up together, your families close and intertwined, so it was no surprise that you two had grown close. You had laughed together, cried together, and even gotten into trouble together.

But you had also loved him. Deeply.

You didn't know when it happened, but at some point, your feelings for Loki had gone from friendship to something more. You had tried to ignore it, to push it down and lock it away, but it had always been there, simmering just beneath the surface.

And you thought that maybe, just maybe, Loki felt the same way. He would look at you in a certain way, touch your arm a little too long, say things that made your heart skip a beat. But you didn't want to ruin what you had, so you said nothing.

That was until the night of the charity ball. You had gone together, dressed to the nines, and had a great time. But then, you saw him. Thor, Loki's brother, was there too, and you saw the way he looked at you, the way he talked to you, and you thought that maybe...just maybe, Loki had set you up with his brother as a way to let you down gently.

And so, you did the only thing you could think of -- you kissed Thor. It was a mistake, a desperate attempt to get over Loki, but it had the opposite effect. Because when Loki saw you with his brother, he didn't understand the truth. All he saw was betrayal.

He didn't talk to you for weeks after that, and when he finally did, it was with anger and hurt in his eyes.  You tried to explain, to tell him that it was all a misunderstanding, but he wouldn't hear it. And so, your friendship fell apart, leaving both of you alone and hurting.

Months passed, and you tried to move on. You attempted to date other people, but they never felt quite right. You missed Loki, missed his laughter, his touch, his smile. And then, one day, he showed up on your doorstep, his eyes haunted and his heart on his sleeve.

You both sat in silence, your hearts racing with unspoken emotions -- the tension in the air was palpable. And the longer you sat there, the more the silence seemed to weigh you both down. 

When he couldn’t take the silence anymore, Loki spoke up. “I... I have something to confess to you, Y/n.” 

Your heart skipped a beat, “What is it?” you asked, your voice barely a whisper. 

Loki took a deep breathe before continuing, “I've been keeping something from you... in hindsight it should’ve been something that I had told you long ago...” 

Your mind raced with possibilities, but you couldn't have guessed the words that were about to spill from Loki's soft lips.

“I... I'm in love with you, and probably have been for much longer than my mind knows,” Loki said, his eyes fixed on the ground.

Your heart swelled with emotion, but at the same time, was crushed by waves of fear and uncertainty. The months of sorrow and grief over your friendship lost, the loneliness... the isolation that came with it.

“Loki, I...” you began, your voice cracking with emotion. 

Before you could continue, Loki interrupted. “I understand if you no longer feel the same way, or never felt the same way in the first place; but especially now, with the way I’ve treated you these past few months...”

With his eyes still trained on your bedroom floor, he quickly spoke, “I just had to tell you, as I couldn’t keep it inside any longer.”

You were speechless. For years--decades even--you had avidly hoped that those words would slip from between his supple lips and you would both get the happily ever after you both deserved. But nothing ever happened; your relationship to the god never took any steps towards romance. 

Loki, misunderstanding you silence as rejection, begins to stand up. “I wish you the happiest of lives, my dear Y/n... even if it means that you end up with my brother and not me.” 

Your heart sank, as if it were a mighty ship being pulled into the vast ocean below. He thought you were interested in Thor? Had he thought that you had only been interested in Thor? Just as he reached his hand towards you doorknob, your strained voice halted him. 

“You thought that I’d loved Thor all this time?” 

Loki sighed, “You kissed him, Y/n. I think that sums everything up.”

You tutted, “If you’d just let me explain it months ago, you would’ve known that I’d only kissed Thor because I thought that you had set me up with him.”

Loki tensed as he turned to face you. “And why in the Norns would I set the woman I love up with my brother?” 

“Because I thought you were letting me down gently, you oaf!” You cried. 

“When you believe that the man you love doesn’t love you back, you’ll do anything in your power to try and forget it. Even if that means kissing someone to distract yourself from the pain.”

And with that, Loki surged forward, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into a deep, passionate kiss. For a moment, everything else melted away, and you were both lost in each other’s embrace.

As you finally pulled away, both of you breathless, Loki looked into your eyes. “I’ve been such a fool this whole time,” he said, a small sigh escaping through the corners of his mouth. “And I’m truly sorry. I was so angry and blinded by what I thought was a betrayal that I didn’t even let you get in any sort of explanation.”

And in that moment, as you looked into his eyes, you knew that you forgave him, and that ultimately, you still loved him too. The space between you, one that was once so vast and insurmountable, had closed, and you were finally where you belonged.

In each other’s arms. 

A/N I hope you enjoyed this little thing I put together :)

Taglist! Everything: @thewaithfuckingannoyme @evelyn-kingsley​ Loki: @dryyoursaltyoceantears

[whumpypepsigal]

Loki s02e05: “Without them, where do I belong?”

[feelingsareforweak]

I joined mcu because of Dumbass geniuses Peter, Tony, Strange and Loki and im leaving mcu because of Peter, Tony, Strange and Loki beCAUSE THEY DESERVED BETTER YOU MFS-

[sigyn-foxyposts]

"She was perfect.."

Credits: @sparrowmp4 for making this with all the pictures we've gathered together~ No idea what versions of Loki and Sigyn this is but they went through it too..💚

[siconetribal]

Wishing You Were Here

Tag: @vbecker10, @harlequin-hangout

Pairing: Loki x Y/N

Warning: Fluff, angsty, Loki feels, all the feels, poor Y/N I'm always so mean to you

Author Note: So, I promised way back that I would do another Loki piece, and I've been working on this idea for a bit of a while. I hope you all like it, it's not as humorous as my last stuff, but I wanted to do something more serious.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was no denying that life was a force that was impossible to control. It was wild and free spirited, one moment and leisurely and demure the next, a wild stallion with a spirit that with an indomitable spirit, beautiful and exhilarating. An ocean with depths invisible to the eye, majestic and frightening. Life was many things, and at this moment it was unfathomable to Y/N’s mind. For almost one year now, she was living in the Avengers tower and sharing a flat within its walls with the Loki. Who knew a simple online ad was all it took to meet with people who were literally from out of this world?

Sighing for what felt like the umpteenth time, she glanced over the walls of her cubicle at the large analog clock on the wall. Only two minutes had passed since her last check. Leaning back into her computer chair, she slumped and silently groaned. This day was going to one of those long days that never end.

There’ve been a lot more of those recently. She pinched the bridge of her nose and took in a deep breath. I don’t get why it matters. This isn’t the first time this has happened, and it’s most certainly not going to be the last. It comes with the territory. Loki will be out on missions more often because he’s proven himself worthy of trust and that it was the mind stone that corrupted him. Though, with a tragic backstory like his, it’s no surprise. That all aside, this is a good thing for him. He needs this, and he finally gets a chance to be with his brother. I don’t care what he plays at, he’s a happy younger brother excited to be included with his big brother and his friends, finally. Sitting up properly in her seat again, she picked up a pen and began to slowly tap it against the desk. This was a great thing, and she was happy for him. She wanted him to grow and heal, he deserved this and then some. And yet…there were days like this.

The inky goop slowly rose up, cloying and clinging inside her as she sank deeper into its swampy depths. The thick strings wrapped around her heart, sharp thorns digging into her heart whenever it wrapped around tighter. This heavy guilt was never too far behind the emptiness that lingered at the lack of his presence. There was no denying it anymore, she missed Loki. She missed his witty remarks, his infuriating way of toying with her that left her spinning and dumbstruck, his posh way of speaking, his graceful motions that made her feel like a mole trying to walk on land-awkward and fumbling. She missed his laughter, his sarcasm, his silent companionship, and just everything about him.

Who am I kidding, I love him. She leaned forward, elbows on her desk, as she hid her face in her hands. I love Loki, and there’s no point in beating around the bush. Not like I can do or say anything, though. He’s a prince, an Asgardian god. I’m just some random human that just happened to be in need of a flatmate. He can have anyone. Who knows what sort of beautiful geniuses he’s dated on Asgard, but he’s gone to premiers and events with supermodels, A-list entertainers, and actual human nobles and royals. I’m some girl from a town where nothing amazing happens that landed in NYC with hard work. A huge bookish nerd that’s always falling for the guys in the pages who are as perfect as they can be. I went from spending all my time imagining what it’d be like if they’d existed to actually living with one, and now I know how impossible it is for me to pull them.

Her chest hurt. Her throat constricted and the corners of her eyes stung at the harsh reality that slapped her in the face. She inhaled sharply and cleared her throat. This was not going to happen. Not now at work, not today. “You’re fine, Y/N. You knew this would happen if you accepted these feelings.” She scolded herself. “Chin up, get to work. He’s busting his butt out there on some mission and you’re having a self-pity party? No way,” she sat up straighter. And what a fine booty it is. “He’s one of your best friends, that’s good enough.” Cracking her knuckles, she pushed her computer chair in and got back to researching the locations you were tasked with for potential Avengers intervention.

_______________________________________

Loki sat at the edge of a cliff, watching the blue sky burst into orange and purple as the sunset in the distant horizon. The gentle ocean breeze caressed his face. He took in the crisp salty air and let out a deep relaxing sigh. Why was he such a fool? There was nowhere in the nine realms that he could go that would get her out of his mind. The mission had ended almost a week ago, but he was unable to go back. Not yet. Like a shooting star, she came crashing into his life and he was never the same. The once aloof and independent second prince who had a need for nor no one was now stuck to some Midgardian? Preposterous.

No, she is not some comet. She is the ocean. Shapeless and all encompassing, he stared out at the water stretched before him. The waves lapped against the shore. Unassuming and everywhere, and yet I’m always searching for her.  How long had he been like this? So overwhelmed by her that it was getting harder to tread her waters? When did her waves that licked at her heels start to come crashing over his head. Closing his eyes, he took in a deep breath with his lips pressed thin. It’s not her fault. It is foolish of me to blame her. She did not come to drown me, and yet here I am tumbling in the depths. 

For many years he lived just beneath the surface, barely surviving was his only purpose. The sins of his past, the horrid and vile emotions of disgust, hatred, and shame hung over his head every day. His traumatic past and the consequences of his poor decisions haunted him every night. It was a routine he had grown accustomed to, and his existence was merely just that, an existence. Who was he? What was he? He needed to find himself once more. “And my overly eager brother was happy to assist me,” he mumbled as he opened his eyes to see the blackish-blue sky slowly begin to dot with stars. “Which led me to her.” He sighed.

When did the darkness turn to light? When did I, Loki of Asgard, begun to look forward for something? No, someone. The one who changed everything was her. It was a random afternoon in the tower when it was brought to the forefront of his mind. Y/N was out of town for some family reasons, and he had been alone in the flat for roughly three days at that point. His training was done for the day and there were no meetings until later in the evening when the recon would return with more data. He had the whole day free to do as he wished. A rare moment of peace, which he took and ran straight to their flat to read the book he was unable to finish because of work. 

Comfortably settled in his favorite leather chair, he picked up the leather-bound tome and opened it. Before he could focus on the words, a flat piece of wood slipped out from between the sheets and fell silently on his lap. There was a hint of sandalwood infused in it with intricate and delicate designs carved into the body with a green braided rope and tassel looped through the hole punched at the top. A birthday gift from Y/N. He had no need for a bookmark. His memory was excellent and there was no need to celebrate his birthday. There was nothing worth commemorating, and he told her as such. Her shoulders had dropped a smidgen at his words, but her smile never faltered. She pushed through with the same energy as she pulled out a small cake she had made for him. 

“Your birthday is important to celebrate because you were born. Had you not been born, I would have never met you, and I’m grateful you were!” Such simple words had struck him, the God of mischief with a silver tongue, silent. She was sincerely happy. His heart thumped rather uncomfortable at his ribs and his mouth felt dry. It was as if he was slowly drowning in a tub of lukewarm water. It was awkward and heartwarming, something he had forgotten long ago. His icy disposition was beginning to melt. He looked around at the well furnished apartment that suddenly felt larger and hollower than the royal halls of the Asgardian castle. He fidgeted in the deafening silence before grabbing the bookmark. Snapping his book shut, he stood from his seat and left. To where, he was not sure, but he could not stand being in there anymore.

He roamed the halls of the tower aimlessly before heading to the cafeteria to eat. He heard a female voice and quickened his pace. Y/N, he eagerly stepped into the kitchen area only to see it was a group of women and none of whom were her. He flashed them a perfect smile, earning a few squeals and giggles, before he excused himself. I should go to the library, that’s it. I need a change of scenery when reading. He straightened his back and turned on his heel. As per usual, there was scarcely anyone there. His favorite spot by a large bay window was empty, as per usual, which made him smile. Just how it he liked it. He walked towards it but stopped at the call of his name.

“Loki, look! Isn’t this cool?!” He turned at her voice, only to find no one there. When did he so desperately wanted to hear her voice call his name? To hear her laughter and ridiculous banter? When did the lack of her presence made his world seem so empty? He gritted his teeth and balled his hands into fists when he felt something dig into his palm. Glancing down, he saw the bookmark broken in half in his palm. He had not realized he was holding it this entire time, and it was now just like him, broken. Pocketing the pieces, he made his way out of the library and sought out Thor. He needed to get out of here before he lost it. 

So he took on the earliest and left before she returned. And now here he was, sitting under the star-studded sky of New Asgard, and he was still thinking about her. He knew he was infatuated with her, but it was so much more now. He wanted to possess her, keep her with him. She consumed his mind, burrowed a hole into his life and permanently occupied the spot. Even now, he knew she would have loved to have seen the blazing setting sun or quietly observe the great burning balls of gas burning millions and billions light-years away. She was always everywhere. He gently rubbed at his aching chest.

“Brother was right, this is not a simple passing phase. I,” he paused for a moment. Something about saying it seemed so final. As if putting it out into the ether would seal his fate. “I love her.” He sighed, the weight on his mind vanishing, but a new weight pressing on his heart. He wanted to see her again. Pulling out his phone, he looked at the many unread messages from Y/N. Each of them wishing him the best, success on the mission, praying for his safety, and anticipation of his return home. Home, he snorted at the thought and shook his head. He sat silent for a moment before he let out a small laugh. “She is home, what have I become? How much of a fool do you wish to make of me, Y/N?” He asked aloud, shaking his head at himself, unlocking the device and hitting the phone icon by her name. It rang a handful of times before she picked up, the sound of the phone tumbling and her fumbling greeting him.

“H-hello?! Loki?!” Her groggy voice came from the other side.

“Hello darling, were you sleeping?”

“Mmm, no, just sorta knocked out on the couch.” She mumbled, he could imagine it now, her slowly sitting up with her hair a bit of a mess and as she rubbed her eyes. He chuckled softly. “Are you done with your mission?”

I’ve been done for a while now, but I can’t tell you that. It would break your heart, but the worst of it is that you would never hold me accountable for my selfish whims. You would be understanding and supporting, as you always are. “Yes, we stopped by New Asgard along the way.”

“Oh? Hopefully not for work?”

“No, no, nothing like that. A simple little reprieve to clear the mind.”

“That’s nice, you deserve it.” Her sincerity stabbed at his heart.

“I’ve found a nice cliff where there is a perfect view of the setting sun over the ocean. I watched the cascading colors over the waters and sky transition from brilliant, bold colors to the dark night. It was breathtaking, much like you.” He smiled as he heard her cough from shock. She must have been drinking some water. “I know how much you love seeing these sorts of things, I wish you were here. And sitting here, watching it without you, just didn’t feel right without you. I had to call.” I wanted to hear your voice. “I wish you were here.”

“Aww, that’s really sweet of you. I wish I could be there too. It’s been really lonely here without you, but I know you’re busy, so I can wait. You’ll come back when you’re done”

Oh, how I miss you too. His chest swelled with such happiness at her confession. It was as if he was given the greatest new in all the nine realms. He wanted to run back to the tower right now and hold tightly in his arms. “Only a few more days until we will be reunited again.” He assured her. “I miss you too, my love.” He heard a hitch in her breath and some clattering and her muffled shock. She must have dropped the phone somewhere and is trying to fish it out. Little did he know, she had dropped it on her face and was currently rubbing her nose.

“My love, that’s a new one.” She finally answered.

“Yes, yes it is. Do you perhaps not like it?”

“What? No, no. no! Not at all! I mean it’s uhm, could be a little misleading.”

“Misleading, how so?” He smirked at how flustered she sounded.

“Uhm, well, you know, it could give someone ideas.”

“Someone ideas? Who is that someone and what are these ideas?” She fell silent on the other end, and he did his very best not to laugh, knowing she was probably dumbstruck and trying to gather the words to explain to him what she was implying. Did he know what she meant already? Of course, but where was the fun in that? Though he did miss seeing her expression for himself.

“Well, not just one someone…but one of them could be me.” She finally answered. “And uhm, the ideas, well, you know, love is a very strong word. Could make people think serious things.”

“Serious things? I suppose that would be concerning if that was wrong.”

“Exactly, so you shou-what?!”

“I said it would be concerning if it were wrong. But it’s not. This is not “giving ideas”, I’m being quite up front. But this is not something that should be discussed over the phone. I’ll make sure to make it very clear for you and everyone when I get back. I’ll see you soon, goodnight darling.” He hung up before she could respond, smiling with utter satisfaction as he got up from his spot and made his way back to the city to speak with Thor. They needed to prepare to leave as soon as possible, because poor Y/N will be an utter mess until they return.