#lmk if I should tag this as something else

[uceyliyahh]

Summary: You are just a distraction to me nothing more.

smut warning; it’ll come in the story randomly so PLEASE, PLEASE look out for it I’m not really good at writing ✍🏽 smuts but I’m improving at the moment.

warning contains: attempted suicide, toxic

word count: 3,857

Jey Uso x Remiyah

AWFUL GRAMMAR IM GETTING BETTER I SWEAR LOL.

comments, likes, repost are appreciated I would love the constructive feedback in what area I need to approve in. 🤍

ALSO! I don’t not want nobody stealing my fanfics or take it as theirs that will be an issue fasho so keep it cute respectfully.

I only own my OC along with the make up scenarios

this will be a four-to-five-part series hope y'all will like it trying something new. 💁🏽‍♀️

TAGS ⬇️ lmk if you wanna be tag 🏷️@pinkwithhearts @420days @jstarr86 @empressdede @angiedawn02 @biancasreign

@bebesobrielo @skyesthebomb @aikosilo @papireigns-05 @punksyeet @paigereeder @magnificentbouquetmusic @yana3sworld

@hunnidmilly @celesteheartsjey @charmed-dreamssss @fearlesschimera @partypoison00 @mselenalovebug @bloodlinesbabe93 @luvrsluxe @4milly @xbriexx @trippinsorrows @yyaktayak

DISTRACTION

Ø2

REMIYAH

It's been a couple of weeks since I last spoke to Jey. After going through his phone and seeing the messages exchanged with Jaida, I found it hard to shake off the thoughts. However, I realized that I need to redirect my focus towards my career and let go of something that was never meant to be.

He would often reach out, checking in to see if everything was alright or questioning why my texts had slowed down. I couldn't quite grasp why he was so concerned, especially since he was involved with someone else. I was seated in the catering area, enjoying my meal and scrolling through social media when I suddenly heard someone clear their throat. When I looked up, I was surprised to see it was Jimmy.

I offered him a subtle smile before saying, “Hey there, Big Jim! What’s going on?” as I set my phone down on the table.

Jimmy glanced over and asked, “Is this seat taken?” I quickly shook my head. “Nope, feel free to sit,” I replied. He settled in beside me, diving into his meal as I returned to my own tasks.

Jimmy truly felt like a big brother to me. He was always there to offer advice, even on matters I hadn’t considered before. I found myself unsure about whether to share my feelings regarding the situation between me and his brother.

While browsing my social media, I stumbled upon a story posted by Jey that piqued my curiosity. However, once I clicked on it, I immediately wished I hadn't. There he was, in his locker room, with Jaida—wasn't she supposed to be in NXT? A wave of emotion hit me, and I felt tears welling up as I set my phone aside, desperately trying to regain my composure. This didn’t go unnoticed by Jimmy, who quickly picked up on my distress.

"Are you alright, Miyah?" Jimmy inquired, noticing my gaze on him. I nodded in response, hoping to avoid drawing attention to the situation.

I stood up from my seat, my plate in hand, a weight settling in my chest as I realized that I should have stayed out of his affairs. It puzzled me why his story had such an impact on me, especially since I meant nothing to him. To him, I was merely a fleeting encounter, someone he could use and then move on from to pursue someone he truly desired.

I tossed my plate aside, barely registering Jimmy's calls. I needed solitude after that moment; I had never felt so utterly foolish for a man who clearly didn’t want me. As I made my way to the locker room, lost in my thoughts, I unexpectedly collided with someone.

As I glanced up, I realized it was Jaida, wearing that infuriating smirk that screamed ownership—he's mine, and he has no interest in you. I was left speechless, unsure of how to respond, until she finally broke the silence.

“You must be Remiyah right? The same person who thinks that she could be with my man? Tuh girl please,” Jaida spat as she brushed past me leaving me dumbfounded.

I reached my breaking point and chose to avoid returning to the locker room. Instead, I made my way to the garage where my car was parked, opting to stay there until it was time for my interviews.

I found myself in the car, tears streaming down my face, overwhelmed by a profound sense of loneliness. It felt utterly foolish to be in this position, unsure of how to navigate the situation. Running away wasn’t an option, but I certainly had the power to ignore him and keep my distance.

He might say what I want to hear if we ever discuss this, but ultimately, he'll just rush back to her, cozying up to her instead. I wish he would be that close to me, but I doubt I'll see that happen anytime soon.

As I wiped away my tears, a sudden knock on the window startled me. When I looked up, I saw Jimmy, his expression filled with concern. I let out a heavy sigh, contemplating whether I truly wanted to open up to him. After all, he would likely just defend his brother, as family tends to do.

As I unlocked the car, he slid into the passenger seat beside me, his worried expression immediately catching my attention. "I’m fine, Jim, I promise," I reassured him, crossing my arms to emphasize my sincerity.

As I unlocked the car, he slid into the passenger seat beside me, his worried expression immediately catching my attention. "I’m fine, Jim, I promise," I reassured him, crossing my arms to emphasize my sincerity.

"Miyah," he exclaimed, locking his gaze with mine. "I can see it in your eyes; something's bothering you. You wouldn't just walk away like that. What's happening?" I let out a heavy sigh, tilting my head back as I struggled to hold back the tears.

“Am I not good enough Jimmy?” I asked him which took him by surprise. “What do you mean? You’re good enough Miyah,”

"It seems that wasn't sufficient for your clueless brother," I mutter just loud enough for Jimmy to catch on. I hadn't gone into specifics about what was unfolding between me and his brother initially because it didn't seem important, but now it appears to have piqued his interest.

Jimmy let out a heavy sigh. "You both really need to have a conversation. Miyah, just express how you feel." But what good would that do? He’s with Jaida, and it would only lead to more embarrassment for me. What a brilliant idea…

Jimmy, there's really no reason to pursue that when he doesn't share the same feelings. I’d rather avoid the embarrassment that would come from it. I glanced at my phone and realized I needed to head back inside for the interview segment soon.

It’s possible that finding closure could help you both move on, but the real issue is that I struggle to distance myself from him. His sweet words and romantic gestures pull me in, only for me to feel foolish later. I sighed and turned to the mirror, determined to touch up my makeup and mask the tears I had just shed.

“That’s the issue Jim, I can’t leave him alone. He got me so fucking attached to him it’s killing me honestly makes me not want to show to work,” I vented to him.

As soon as he opened his mouth to speak, a sudden knock on the car window interrupted us. Both of us turned our heads, and to my dismay, there stood Jey—the last person I wanted to see.

As I rolled my eyes at him, Jimmy and I stepped out of the car together. I could see the frustration and confusion etched on his face, clearly questioning why Jimmy was with me. He glanced at his brother, silently indicating that he wanted to have a private conversation with me.

As Jimmy turned to leave, he wished me “good luck.” I responded with a slight smile as he disappeared back into the building. Now, it was just Jey and me, standing face to face in a heavy silence.

Before I could say something he cut me off, “the fuck is yo’ problem Miyah?” Here we go again with the blame game, which really gets under my skin. I rolled my eyes at him, crossing my arms defiantly.

“My fucking problem? My problem is you Jey that’s what the fuck is the problem,” I said.

He arched an eyebrow at me, crossing his arms over his chest in a mirror of my own stance. “Me? I’m the issue here?” Seriously, do I need to say it again? I’m not trying to sound like a stuck record.

I nudged him softly, making him lose his balance just a little.

“Yeah! Nigga you’re the fucking problem! Playing in my damn face like I’m so fucking doll!” I shouted at him feeling all of this pain and hurt inside of me.

Jey taught me a crucial lesson during our secret encounters: never raise your voice at him. Doing so doesn’t just provoke him; it fuels his desires. With his intense sex drive, he once gripped my throat, asserting dominance in a way that left me breathless. In that moment, I knew I was completely at his mercy.

“Lower your fucking tone when you speaking to me Remiyah,” he said in a raspy tone that sent waves down my spine.

“Fuck you Jey, I fucking hate you so much. treating me like shit….i fucking hate you…” I could feel myself crumbling in his presence, a sight he didn’t need to witness since he was indifferent to my struggles.

His expression clearly softened when he noticed the tears welling in my eyes, but that didn’t change the way he was treating me. If he truly didn’t want me, he could have simply walked away, and we could have avoided all of this heartache.

I tried to hold them together but my tears began to fall onto my cheeks, “I hate you, I fucking hate you!” I shouted pushing him and hitting his chest.

His grip on my throat tightened as he pinned me onto my car looking into my eyes deeply I could see the fire burning through his eyes. “Don’t fucking push it Miyah because you finna piss me off,” I scoffed at him was he fucking serious?

“What are we then Jey? Huh? I’m just some fuck buddy while you have yo’ bitch bullying me huh?” I forcefully pushed him away, spitting in the process as I yanked his hand from my throat. I was indifferent to whether I angered or frustrated him; I just had to express what was weighing on me.

“Remiyah I told you what it was when we start doing this and now yo’ ass caught feelings for me knowing I don’t want anything serious,” Jey said.

Damn that hurt like a bitch

Tears streamed down my face, smudging my makeup as I hastily wiped them away, shaking my head in frustration. "If I mean nothing to you, then let's just end this. I'm exhausted—mentally drained, to be honest. You and Jaida look so happy together, and maybe that's why you don't want anything serious with me. It's hard to ignore that," I said, my voice trembling as I noticed the shift in his expression.

I realized he was trying to control me into staying with him, but that was never going to work. I had reached my limit; I simply couldn’t endure this situation any longer.

He remained silent as I let out a frustrated sigh and walked by him. Suddenly, he seized me by the throat, pressing his lips against mine. I struggled to push him away, but his strength overpowered me. He intertwined his fingers with mine, intensifying the kiss that bound us together.

I would call myself a fool for falling for this.

His tongue danced within my mouth as he flung open the car door, pushing me into the back seat and slamming the door behind us. In an instant, his lips crashed against mine, and I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck.

This was the control he had over me.

“Take this fucking shit off,” His voice had a richer, deeper quality than usual that completely captivated me.

I was in a missionary position with my legs bend towards my sides while he was drilling my shit in while I was trying to escape from this but he wasn’t haven’t it today, I had my eyes rolling in the back of my head touching on his tatted chest something that turned me on.

Jey was pounding me into the damn seat all of this pumped up anger that he had build up all because of me but did I give me a damn? No I didn’t even care how angry he was right now after all of the shit he had put me through—throughout this whole entire thing between us.

I was done with this and I was done with him.

“I fucking hate you,” I spat at him as he chuckled at me.

“You don’t hate me baby, you love me that’s why you actin’ like this but it’s okay I’ll fix it all up,” Jey grunted as he wrapped his hand around my throat giving me his deep, mean, strokes causing me to moan loudly.

Every single thrust that he had given me had me seeing stars I didn’t know what to do with myself when it comes to him I didn’t like this toxic dynamic between us, I pushed him by his stomach trying to slow down his movements I couldn’t handle it.

He leaned closer whispering nothing my nasty shit in my ear I began wrapping my arms around his muscular body tugging on his mullet letting my heart getting in the way whispering in his ear back.

Jey pressed his lips against my neck, claiming me as if I were his Luna. The truth was, I wasn’t his; someone else held that title, and it shattered me even more. “Tell me you love me, I need to hear it,” he urged. But how could I confess my feelings to someone who didn’t truly care? It wouldn’t make a difference.

Again my heart got in the way.

“I love you Jey, only you.” I moaned throwing my head into the seat feeling his dick hitting my cervix.

“Oh, fuck. mama you feel so fucking good.” he cooed at me as he continued to circle his hips into my g-spot.

I could feel all of this pressure building up causing me to dig my nails inside of his back while he hissed at the pain but didn’t mind knowing that he’s fucking me good like no other.

I couldn't believe I had allowed him to treat me this way, but love has a way of clouding judgment. Despite my feelings of foolishness, I was deeply in love with him. As he pulled his lips away from my neck, I could see the satisfaction in his eyes, admiring the marks he had left behind.

My walls clenched up against him moaning his name was like music to his ears, apologizing to him like an idiot, telling him that he was the only man that can get me like this something that he wanted to hear from my lips.

Jey thrusted his dick in and out of me deeply had me rolling my eyes in the back of my skull at this fucking point I could see him stealing glances down there watching it going in and out.

“This my pussy right? You won’t act out like that anymore baby?” Jey purred at me as I nodded my head.

But that’s not answer that he wanted out of me thrusting deep making me gasp loudly, “yess! I won’t do that anymore daddy! fuck!” I cried out.

Jey had a smirk on his face, “good, baby. You know your pretty ass ain’t goin’ anywhere,” I had tears coming down my face feeling like I wasn’t gaining any control of this situation like I did earlier.

My mind couldn’t even comprehend anything anymore felt like I needed to be rebooted at the way he was fucking me, his dick was gliding through my g-spot like crazy I felt more and more pressure building up.

I clenched on his dick some more as he placed his lips on mine trying to make me forget about the pleasurable pain that I was having right now, I could feel a knot coming down inside of my stomach signaling that I was about to cum within seconds.

Did that matter to him?

No

I could see that the windows were fogging up along with the car shaking violently due to his mean strokes that he was giving me at the moment feeling sweat dripping down on his body.

He kept thrusting deeper and deeper inside of my wet cunt as my mouth parted into an “o” effect still tongue kissing each other in the process.

"I understand you, mama; my love for you is unwavering, and you alone hold my heart." Yet, his words felt hollow, mere echoes of what I longed to hear. The realization that he didn’t truly mean them deepened the ache in my heart, making it all the more painful to hear those sentiments from him.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I desperately wished to believe in his love for me. The painful truth is that he never truly cared, and that realization is devastating. “I love you too, daddy fuck. I’m finna cum,” I muttered between the kiss.

I find myself in a vulnerable position, admitting my feelings for a man who seems to only turn to me when things go awry with his other relationship. It pains me to realize that my heart longs for a deeper connection, one where I can be his sole focus and not just a fallback option.

Maybe the dick was too good making me feed into my delusions of being in a serious relationship with him, maybe the way he spoils me rotten had me thinking he’ll love me, I was blind as damn bird to believe any of that.

“Make a mess on me baby, daddy’s gotchu,” that’s all it took was those few words coming from his mouth as I let out a loud moan coating his dick up with my milky cream while my body began to tremble underneath him as he continued to fuck the brains out of me.

“There you go mama, such a good girl for me,” Jey praises me while placing a kiss on my temple.

All you could hear were skins slapping against each other while the air was thickening around us smell like sweat and sex, I couldn’t say anything else letting tears flow down my face while he hid his face in my neck cursing underneath his breath.

His movements were becoming sloppier and slower within every thrust he had given he wanted me to feel him—all of him as a matter fact reminding me that I wasn’t going anywhere knowing that his dick got me feeling this way.

I felt his dick twitching inside of me as the car shook deeply, my mind my foggy at some point during all of this I tried to fought my negative thoughts and feelings on this matter but I couldn’t.

“Oh, shit. I’m finna nut baby girl, let daddy nut all in his pussy,” I didn’t respond to him just let him do it like he always did.

I wrapped my legs around his waist as he drilled into my gushy insides to the max determine to get his nut just like how I did, “Fuckkk, mama fuck,”

Jey thrust into me one last time as his warm seeds began shooting out like a volcano eruption into my walls filling me up good, hearing him letting out a deep groan at the sensation I arched my back letting it sink in for the moment.

He thrust himself into slowly making sure none of it was coming out of me and laid onto my chest hearing breathing up and down.

Jey finally withdrew after what felt like an eternity, leaving me yearning for his presence, a soft whimper escaping my lips at the sudden void. Yet, I was too lost in the moment to care. I could barely move my legs as I watched him slip into his sweats and that playful crop-top tee, his gaze locking onto mine.

I sat up straight, trying to put on my underwear and skirt while also fixing my hair. The car was completely silent; none of us spoke a word. I could sense his gaze on me, but I chose not to meet his eyes.

I reached a moment where I just wanted it all to be over. I realized I held no significance in his life, so what was the purpose of continuing? It felt foolish to think about driving my car off the road and disappearing forever.

I decided to break the uncomfortable silence, saying, “Feel free to head back inside; I’m heading home for the day,” as I made my way to the driver’s seat.

“What bout yo’ interview segment?”

I scoffed why did he care so much about that?

"Please, Jey, just give me some space. I really need to be alone right now. I can't handle any more questions." I'm feeling overwhelmed and hurt, and I just don't know how to process it all. I need this time to myself.

Jey stormed out of my car, slamming the door behind him. I couldn't care less about his attitude; my frustration with him far outweighed any annoyance he felt toward me. I fired up the engine and pulled out of the garage, determined to leave the tension behind.

I was at a loss for where to turn. Returning to my hotel room was not an option; that was the very place he would track me down, attempting to persuade me to continue this friends with benefits arrangement. I simply couldn’t entertain that idea any longer.

I pressed down on the gas, tears streaming down my cheeks as they splattered against the steering wheel. I felt utterly foolish, believing that someone like him could ever love me. After all, Jaida was stunning—light-skinned and curvy, exactly the type he was drawn to.

In every relationship I've had, I always felt inadequate, as if I was never enough. Time and again, I found myself betrayed, with partners choosing others who seemed far superior to me. Now, here I was once more, caught in a familiar cycle. My heart raced, adrenaline coursing through me as I sped down the street, grappling with the weight of it all.

My sight blurred, and I lost track of my direction as I sped through red lights, narrowly avoiding collisions with other cars. In that moment, I felt indifferent to it all; I just wanted to escape this place.

Was this dumb to kill myself over a man?

Yes.

Did I care?

No

I had given up on the idea of finding a man who would truly love me for who I am, flaws and all. I longed for someone who would reassure me that I was enough just as I am. Instead, I found myself lost in thought, driving aimlessly until I crashed my car into a tree, leaving me breathless and defeated.

I could sense the world around me swirling as blood trickled down my face, realizing that I had likely broken my nose in the process.

Maybe a broken rib or two.

The final sound that reached my ears was the blaring of my car alarm, accompanied by the rush of people approaching to check on me. They were urging someone to call for an ambulance, a request I desperately wished to avoid. In that moment, all I wanted was to escape the pain, to be free from this life rather than to continue living.

Never feeling like I could be enough in this world.

Not even for a man like Jey Uso himself.

In that moment, darkness enveloped me, and silence reigned, as I clung to the hope that my wish would be granted. I yearned for the chance to find happiness once more, perhaps in a place beyond the clouds, where joy awaited me.

I hope you’re happy.

A/n: honestly feel bad for Remiyah she doesn’t deserve all of that, hopefully she’ll gets better in the end and Jey is probably going to hear about this.

But I hope yall enjoy this part lmk in the comments below.

STAY UCEY.

1.

[trainerseyes]

Ms. Briar 😳

[snowflake-sage]

I don’t know if I ever posted this or not , it’s from awhile ago

[taranzas-biggest-fan]

Day 3 - Gashes

strong start. on the 3rd day of october. something something spiders a carnivore

[paristandard]

my (very belated oops) half of an art trade with @android-lloyd-webberr!! I got to draw his character Basten

[ione-doe]

ione-doe halloween countdown day 9 — watcher world

[liesmyth]

my locked tomb hot take of the day is that the way Harrow’s symptoms are presented in HtN line up much more closely with religious OCD with poor insight and psychotic features than schizophrenia. She shows almost no signs of paranoia or delusions (G1deon really was trying to kill her! It’s absolutely true that the other houses would swoop in like vultures if they knew her house’s true position! Her sword and psyche were both actually haunted, to the point that Alecto could hitch a ride in her body. She is never shown in the text to hold a belief that is inconsistent with reality, IMO) and her only true psychotic symptom that we see is hallucinations, and she seems to most of the time have some idea that they aren’t real, which indicates a level of self awareness incompatible with schizophrenia. She also doesn’t seem to display many cognitive symptoms like thought block or disorganized speech and thinking. The rest of her behavior is highly obsessive (compulsive praying, wearing face paint even when nobody is around, obsessive studying, needing her food to be arranged on her plate a certain way) and is very in line with someone suffering from religious scrupulosity. As someone who has experienced both OCD and psychosis, and knows how the symptoms can overlap, this is is the hill I will die on.

I don't feel like I can contribute in any meaningful way to your points, so I'll just put this out into the world and say that I appreciate your insights!

Speaking from a #meta perspective: I know that around the time HtN came out, Tamsyn gave interviews talking about her own experiences being hospitalised for mental health reasons and implied that was what she was partly drawing on when writing HtN. I can't remember if she called Harrow schizophrenic or stated that it was her intention to write her as such, and the author is dead anyway. Plus, obviously, the fact that someone's writing was informed by irl experiences doesn't have to mean that said writing is a 1:1 parallel for those experiences, expecially in a sff setting where ghosts exists and in fact there's something that Harrow can see and nobody else can.

TO ME, the fact that people who experience psychotic episodes can recognise themselves in Harrow's internal monologue and experiences is more meaningful than whether Harrow “really” has a given specific disorder or she's just seeing ghosts. The point is that SHE feels a disconnect from reality and that she's delusional and cannot trust anything she remembers or reads. Nobody in-universe is ever going to diagnose her, you know? The series itself doesn't claim to be straight-up representation for any specific named issues — things like Cytherea's cancer or Harrow's mental state are left ambiguous and partly influenced by magic. I think the fact that readers can relate to some symptoms some characters experience is more meaningful than whether these symptoms all point to something that can be diagnosed unambiguously.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me!

[clownprince]

GUYS GUYSGUYS OH MY GOD. OHMMYGOD I JUST FIGURED SOMETHING OUT

so after joker gets hit by a train solomon gives him this mysterious green liquid. i've been wondering what it was, my first though was maybe there was an undiscovered lazarus pit in the sewers or something like that. but i was rereading task force z and

it's lazarus resin!!!

maybe grundy grabbed a vial when he tackled bloom? but either way that is definitely the same type of vial and the color is similar (not identical but that's likely bc different artists/colorists!)

my running assumption has been that this line was metaphorical but it's not! it's literal!!! joker DID die when he got hit by the train but grundy brought him back with a vial of lazarus resin!

and i've been making mental connections between tfz and tmwsl the entire time but it was kinda theoretical (and still is!) but the lazarus resin thing makes my theories more plausible for sure imo

so in tfz there are clones, amelia, delia, and celia. the powers company has cloning tech. and they also have memory replacement tech!!! that's what they did with the fake bane! they tampered with his memories. the thinker says that he has cognitive profiles of metahumans but in issue 12 bloom manages to resurrect a dead corpse with the powers company resources and make it think that it's jason todd/red hood, who is definitely not a meta, so evidently they have tech to do the same for non-metas

so my theories are that either:

1. they cloned joker and implanted memories in the clone. this could maybe connect to the network plot in the joker (2021)

2. they found a very fresh corpse with a striking resemblance to joker, and then maybe gave him a nice acid bath and implanted the memories (or they found a way to do this with living people)

i think it's highly likely at this point that sewer rat undead!joker is the real joker, especially after knight terrors. so now the question is: if i'm right about this, who's behind the other (LA) joker? harvey? did bloom somehow survive? geri powers? maybe even waller? and what are they up to? is LA joker an escaped experiment or does whoever's controlling him have an agenda?

[ghost-cat-furry-blog]

bunny girlllll (also cannibal)

[coriander-candlesticks]

Introductions ✨✨

Hey! I'm Coriander. It's not what I go by in my other blogs on here but I want to keep things a bit more separate, at least at first. This is gonna be a long one (sorry) so I'm adding a cut.

I'm exploring Hellenic polytheism, and have only recently started, but it's something I've been considering, in a way, for over a year. I don't have a big, intense story that marks the beginning for me; I didn't necessarily feel a personal, spiritual connection to any of the deities from the time I was a young child in the way others describe, and I haven't had an intense experience that marked the beginning of my path.

I've always felt drawn to Greek mythology, though. I have a distinct memory of laying on my stomach on the floor of the school library in 3rd or 4th grade, reading a picture book about Hades and Persephone. It kept my attention the way others - even Egyptian mythology, another major interest - didn't. I, of course, had the classic queer kid experience of being super into the Percy Jackson series for a while, but my interest in it predated that. The specific deities I've been drawn to have changed somewhat as I've grown up, and they definitely shaped some of my interests. But delving into them again has helped me see connections that weren't explicitly connected to Greek mythology. I felt drawn to Athena growing up, for example, and my love of owls was definitely shaped by that. Even though that has settled into the background somewhat, that connection has persisted in things like my knitting and desires to dye yarn and learn how to weave (side note: I associate crochet more with Apollo, actually, despite it also being a fiber art). I felt connected to Artemis and Persephone as a kid, but that waned as I got older, discovered I was trans, and began my transition. I've felt connected to Hestia and her quiet hearth-keeping since I learned about her: I've always strived to make myself & my space safe and welcoming for others, and being told I succeeded in that is one of the best compliments I've received. But my interests in the morbid (ex Pompeii & the Paris catacombs), psychopomps, rocks & minerals, and keys weren't explicitly related to Hades. Some of the connections didn't click until I started to look into him more seriously about a year ago. I was an artist and had interests in writing, poetry, singing, and playing instruments long before it actually clicked that all of those fell into Apollo's domain, as I associated Athena far more with visual arts as a kid. I also didn't realize that he & Artemis cover diseases (another long-running interest) until very recently. The concept of xenia, too, was something I grew up with to some extent, even though no one called it that. My father modelled it to my siblings and I; I even learned about it within the context of ancient Greece at some point growing up and it stuck with me, despite not knowing the name.

I grew up Mormon, and was incredibly devout until college, when the pandemic forcibly separated me from that environment and I not only discovered that I was queer in several ways, but realized that the Church 1) wasn't safe to stay in and 2) wasn't actually true (which came later, when I started to get over my fear of reading "anti-Mormon literature"). During that period between those two realizations I got into tarot and using plants and crystals for their correspondences (two other interests growing up), as well as using rocks to ground myself. At that time, I considered myself a "liminal Mormon", and was reaching out to Heavenly Mother specifically via tarot. But as it set in that Mormonism specifically, and Christianity generally, wasn't for me, I got more and more interested in modern witchcraft separated from the belief system I was raised in.

It never quite felt right, though. The constant need for protections and doing something "the right way" lest things backfire and you invite the wrong thing into your home, or hurt yourself, or others, or or or, made my anxious & scrupulous brain go into overdrive. I wasn't even sure I believed in it spiritually, or if I was just interested in it from a mindfulness standpoint, and staring down the barrel of comically high piles of research without knowing where to start was exhausting. The concept of dual deities, the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine, put a bad taste in my mouth (which bled over into Persephone for a while because she and Hades are often used to symbolize those archetypes- sorry Persephone). But, not wanting to listen too much to my discomfort (since part of it may have been, and probably was, prior conditioning), I pushed ahead and actually completed one ritual that had all of the steps - cleansing, representations of the four elements and directions, etc. - and was very carefully designed to leave room for growth and change. It represented the start of my path. I still have the jar I made during the ritual, though I'm still trying to figure out what to do with it.

Around that time, I was considering whether or not to work with deities- specifically Hades, as that was who I felt the most drawn to at the time. The idea interested me, but I wasn't sure if it was from an academic or spiritual angle. I'd really only seen deity work from a modern witchcraft/neo-pagan perspective which, again, didn't sit right with me. On top of that, I wasn't quite ready to let go of Christianity even though I already functionally had, and was terrified of doing something "wrong" and getting, for lack of a better term, sent to (figurative) hell. I decided to do a simple "yes/no" tarot pull and got about the clearest "no" you can get: a reversed Ace of Swords. So I decided to let it rest and that, if I ever felt drawn to it again, I could re-approach the topic.

So, for over a year, I didn't touch it. Continuing with witchcraft after the ritual didn't feel right, either, so my altar collected dust while I tried to sort out my spirituality (or lack thereof). I settled on "I don't know and that's okay" and left it at that, trusting that when the time came, and I had more energy and mental space, that I would be able to start looking into things again.

I never truly stopped thinking about the idea of deity work/worship, though. It was always in the back of my mind. I figured it was because of the way I was raised and tried to sever my idea of spirituality from how I was conditioned while I worked through my religious trauma, got on anxiety medication, and learned more about myself and how I interacted with the world (including that I have both ADHD and autism, something that surprised no one).

Recently I talked with a witchy friend about my thoughts on divinity and what is or isn't out there (neither of us were sure but we both felt like there was something), and that conversation gave me the button I needed to start looking into paganism again. I realized at work a week or two later that I could just look up the different paths of paganism (a term I'd recently heard that hadn't clicked before then) and see if there was one that did fit. The first site I found not only had a clear, concise explanation for belief systems I hadn't knowingly come across before, but it touched on Hellenic polytheism and gave a recommendation for someone to watch to learn more about it. And unlike the sharp knot in my chest that warned me away from attending BYU, and going on a mission, and delving further into modern witchcraft as I'd been introduced to it, learning about Hellenic polytheism felt right. It was heavy and grounding and like home. Many of the issues I'd had with other neo-pagan systems - the constant vigilance & protections & concerns over trickster spirits, for example - simply didn't exist there, or were approached very differently. I still had a mental block about it, though, and realized it was because of that tarot pull a year prior. So I did another one, and got a clear "Yes, jump right in. We're waiting for you". And that's where I've been since which, granted, hasn't been for very long. I've felt especially connected to Apollo and Aphrodite recently, who I believe reached out in a different tarot pull recently - using the same card, actually - which is interesting because while I've appreciated different ways Aphrodite has been depicted, I haven't felt very connected to her in a way I realized was her until recently. It makes sense, though- I got into my first relationship around the same time I did that ritual, and not only are we still together a year later, but a trinket I used to ground myself during those first few months is also pretty directly associated with her. I'm planning on adding it to her altar/shrine area as soon as I find it (it's also still amongst the moving wreckage).

But anyway, hi! If you read this far thank you for taking the time out of your day to do so. If anyone has recommendations for books or other educational resources, or discord servers/other online forum-esque communities, please feel free to share. I've been enjoying looking through the tags and getting a feel for the community here, too; hopefully I'm here to stay.

[embodies]

its home is but a hovel in the mire of the reservoir, cavernous and echoing with the howls of its experiments and the mournful cries of itself. the wails of whales are not unlike its own. the sludge of its enzymes covers the walls in a thick and pulsating goo, some dripping from the ceilings into slimy stalactites. one would have to hold some sort of death wish to come here voluntarily. a screw loose. mad as a hatter. nutty as a fruitcake. it likes fruitcake. but the thought of guests nonetheless titillates moreau, so when the woman presents herself unannounced and thoroughly out of place in such a pitiful residence, it works double time to ensure her needs are met. not quite swanning around the tunnels but rather trudging at a hurried pace, the sounds of its feet like wet jelly slapping upon the rocky floor. ❛ c-can i interest you in tea ? ❜ it waves an amphibian paw over a steaming vessel, more vat than teapot, the brew inside pungent and bubbling. those weak of stomach, do not look too closely. perhaps recognising its beverage's inadequacy before it can be pointed out, beady eyes search frantically for a more suitable alternative. spotting its bedside television remnants of cheese, it deviates.

❛ or . . . or is le fromage more your taste ? ❜ it has the urge to say mademoiselle, recalling a past life trying to court beautiful women with arrays of gifts and delicacies. the memories pile thick in its throat and it guffaws, unsavourily depositing a phlegmy pile at its feet. it clasps its own hands in shame, head habitually lowered so as not to meet her gaze.

@sacrificialmaiid. ♡

[moonlightperseus]

okay like i want to preface that i do not have anything against the storylines that they are doing, i’m straight vibing with this season, having fun. i just want to say it’s a little frustrating to me that 911 keeps tacking on these buck and/or eddie centric “surprise” scenes at the end of an episode because then it becomes the big talking point of the episode after the fact and a lot of the other stuff that happened in it falls away to the sides a bit

[hiro-of-hyrule]

Consumed by Malice

This started out as a concept art then I kept going oops

[anthonycrowley]

i personally love spiders and let them not only live but just continue chilling in my house if i see one because i’m niceys like that (also we do get bugs a lot so lesser of two evils imo) but today i saw a huge one and was like 😱🥹 hey buddy you just hang out. and then he kept scurrying around right in front of me where i could see him. bestie. why are you testing me.

[stick-by-me]

Wishing you joy 💗

New follower sticker for: @o-blessedkingoflonging

More like this from my collection:

Yellow | Purple

[big-dick-moneybags]

chris chan is back on youtube and people who listened to a 70+ episode podcast dissecting every single aspect of this person’s life and possibly made replicas of the sonichu necklace are somehow surprised this happened.