#lmao whats even happening rn
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Me, whenever I join any team activity:
Listen I didn't join the game to win
I joined to cause as much destruction as possible,
Have a good time,
and look fabulous doing it!
#being the choas you want to see in the world one post at a time#hahahaha#choascore#choas#punks not dead until i say its dead#lmao whats even happening rn#adhd feels#adhd creature#unintelligible goblin noises#goblin vibes#goblincore#goblin things#anarchy#lol
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okay unironically I love so much that porter is like this world SUCKS its BAD here and it HURTS you why do you care abt it!!! and literally every single bad kid is like ngl we just hate ur ass it does not matter what ur philosophy is
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#not art#fhjy spoilers#its!!! gods I will Be My Ass in the tags rn. but thats so like. deliciously setting typical#like porter's desire is to transcend and his contempt for the world he's in feels. idk Real#like he plays the game bc he wants to win and be done with it. how do I word this#yknow. being a god would like. be his win state. when he gets that happening thats it his story is done he checks out#meanwhile the bad kids do actually just like playing the game lmao. like they love adventuring!#theyre so solidly Of This World. they carry the values that can only be born of it and they like having mastery over it#its a meta angle that I think is very fun specifically for d20 being in such a unique position in the zeitgeist when it first started#the rat grinders are from DnD Writ Large. porter wants to escape. but this is the bad kids' home its Their Actual Play Show#which makes it so fucking excellent to me that porter's question is somewhat of merit! its their show and it tries very hard to punish them#and they just straight up dont listen to him here lmao bc they hate him but! since the moment the academic track ended its been clear#that they save the world bc they Like Playing. With Each Others#thats what riz thinks the core of adventuring is! thats why fig stayed! and I also think thats why this hovers over elmville now and#a dead god is coming back in the school gym. porter is a shit evangelist but even if hes a good one I dont think it wouldve worked like he#wants it to. the only way he couldve escaped is if he'd not involved elmville at all. thats where the bad kids met dude#its a shitty place that fucks with them but they all come back here bc they wanna play with each others#and in that regard I think thats what the stress tokens ultimately means. Is This Game Still Fun To Play. ITS A RAGEQUIT LIMIT#Im literally running from one end to another of this conspiracy board Ive pulled out of nowhere#Ill draw after this I just wanna get this out. gods this episode has done nothing but furthering my delusion of grandeur actually#Im the hottest smartest manthing on earth Im king fucking midas over here. anyways uh! great ep!
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Ideal ending to WCI is Luffy seeing Sanji cry and then awakening his devil fruit and unlocking Gear Fifth out of sheer RAGE and saying the classic line of “Who made you cry, Sanji?! I’ll DESTROY THEM!!!” and then proceeding to go on a rampage and fucking absolutely EVERYBODY up including the Vinsmokes, Pudding, AND the Big Mom Pirates. Toss in the trope of came back wrong and Sanji can immediately tell something is not right about this Luffy, whose smile is too wide, whose eyes are too distant, who continues to beat upon his enemies long after they’re down, who seems to take a sick sort of pleasure in hurting others, who grins and giggles and tells Sanji he’ll obliterate anything that makes him cry. Eventually he starts to scare Sanji so bad that even Luffy notices his reaction, and immediately turns on himself because if HE’S the one making Sanji cry then he’ll just have to destroy himself too. And that’s when Sanji finally leaps into action and does whatever he can to reach Luffy—including kissing him. Luckily that was exactly what Luffy needed to snap out of it, and when he comes to the Whole Cake Chateau is in broken pieces, the Big Mom Pirates are battered beyond fighting and the Vinsmokes are nowhere to be seen. And softly, tiredly, he asks if they won, if he can bring Sanji home, and Sanji cries again and says yes, take me home to the Sunny, I want to go home with you.
Meanwhile the rest of the Strawhats are like
#One Piece#Luffy#Monkey D Luffy#Sanlu#Lusan#Sanji#Black Leg Sanji#Really what I’m saying is that I want Luffy to go Gear Fifth during WCI. And there’s Sanlu involved.#LMAO#Also I remember reading a Gear 5 Luffy fic where he ties people together in knots. Like that’s FUCKED up#And he would ABSOLUTELY do that in this situation. For funsies. To be silly 🤪#Sanji watches in horror as Luffy uses somebody as a jumprope. To Luffy this is a Normal thing to do#Sanji torn between ‘Holy shit I’m so in love with him rn’ and ‘What the actual FUCK is that thing wearing Luffy’s face’#We’ll get eldritch god vibes up in here.#Luffy uses Conqueror’s Haki so powerful it even brings Big Mom down to her knees#Pudding starts crying out of fear and Luffy’s like :)))) Good. Suffer#He can be scary AND silly. As a treat#They had back to the Sunny eventually and Sanji’s like. Well. That happened#*head#(He also has to mentally process the fact that the regular Luffy—HIS Luffy—only came back to him after he kissed him)#(But again he doesn’t have time to unpack all that right now)#Shima speaks#Sorry it’s self indulgent hours over here. I’m getting sick again and I need some way to cope. Lol#(And I mean actually sick I’ve had the worst sore throat known to man since yesterday)
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I just wrote a smut fanfic About Sunset Shimmer x Twilight Sparkle, per the request of my girlfriend lmao. And yes. It has SEX. 👍🔥
#suggestive#my god what is this year#i'm out here doing shit i never even concidered before#my life is WEIRD RN#anyways. 14 pages.#lmao.#writing stuff#shipping#pony posting#mlp g4#sunset shimmer#twilight sparkle#friendship is magic#sunset sparkle#equestria girls#twiset#So this is what happens when i'm free to chase whatever tiny whim i have huh#weird af#first time for everything i guess!!
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hi i made a tier list of how homophobic rezero characters are
hello in the spirit of valentine's day and the very welcoming community here on rezero tumblr i decided to make this with the help of my lovely mutuals.
#anyway heres some fun little explanations if youd like to read:#otto has. so much internalized shit going on i dont even know where to begin. not as severe as like subaru fr and def not in the same way a#whatevers happening with ferris but like by the time u get to arc 8 hes a total shitshow LJSLDKF#like ottos. transphobic. canonically. with natsumi schwartz. and then hes def got More going on bc his attachment style is soo....#wilhelm and heinkel i think would def be homophobic outside of reinhard/reinhard related things but its funnier to describe it like that ok#and either way the main target of their homophobia is gonna be reinhard LMAO#oni elders suck ok. theyd all be homophobic#rams got a strong case of comphet rn but when she doesnt have comphet shes chillin with subarus gf and having wlw mlm hostility with subaru#and otto. the entire judges your taste tier is all insane teen girls or frufoo and patrasche (who DEFINITELY judge otto and subarus taste)#frufoo patrasche are like that one reddit post about that one guys dog being homophobic after seeing their owner get topped in gay sex#also als in that tier bc al.#alcor is technically subaru but he gets to be a tier lower than subaru bc. hes also not technically subaru its very complicated but#at least he doesnt have the entire boy drama subaru has LSJDF#reids iconic line is the ones where he calls julisuba boyfriends u know. its extremely iconic.#a dear mutual of mine has informed me tivey is in lol ok while his triplet siblings wouldnt know what being gay is which LKJDSLFSD thats#fucking funny i had to do it#id argue satella is in lol ok bc she lets subaru do almost anything ok. this includes being terribly into men. she knows shes got his heart#either way. and also elsa dont care unless it affects how ur guts taste#rems reaction is gonna be lol ok unless its subaru coming out to her. then shes gonna have some Mixed Feelings#rezero#re:zero#i forgot to add but u could def argue garf knows what being gay is bc his two older brothers are just Like That#but also neither of his brothers would be caught dead explaining what being gay is to him
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hellooo, I hope you're feeling well! I was wondering however if ouroboros was still being worked on or if it's on hiatus. Hope I wasn't rude in asking
I don't feel it's rude, after all, I have been keeping the development close to my chest. It is still being worked on, edited and transferred into renpy with graphics and soundbytes galore! However, right now, since about three weeks back, I left my partner of 8 years in the middle of the night with just a change of clothes, my dog, and a laptop. I'm struggling hard but putting on a brave face-- right now I'm coming up with a concept of something else to work on until I get a proper apartment and can get my stationary PC back so I can get back to work on ouro. I'll make a proper post about it tomorrow, so keep an eye on this space!
#ouroboros-if#interactive fiction#in all honesty i forgor the password to the louroth tumblr so ill just stick to my personal for now 💀#everything is up in the air. i cry all the time. and when im not crying im writing. LMAO#it'll all work out though it will just take some time to get back on my feet#the ouro book 1 is like 65% done and a demo is even closer. i just haven't found a reasonable stopping point+ some of the most intense edits#and rewrites are in the first chapters and I've been wanting to finish the latter parts first so i don't have to run myself in circles tryin#to line everything up properly. yk?#im so grateful for my patreons for being willing to support me because money is such an issue rn. if I can't make it monetarily on writing i#will have to put it all on complete hiatus and go back to work full time#which I dread bc doggy daycare is so damn expensive. alas! only time will tell what happens next. tomorrow is a big day when i find out#what exactly i will have to do.#thanks for the ask nony<3 i have several other asks i will try to get to during the week!!#please block the 'ouroboros-if' tag if you don't wish to see them dear mutuals<3
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au where everything is the same except that every time someone absorbs and/or uses stormlight they get a magical girl transformation
#wait ok this started as a joke but thinking about the costumes for the different characters is actually so fun lmao#where I'm at rn Adolin isn't bonded to a spren (tho I think that'll happen still? not sure tho)#and he would be so jealous#like what do you mean this stupid broody bridgeman who can't even appreciate fashion is the one who gets the awesome magic outfit not fair#stormlight archive
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feeling unwell about solavellan
#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#dai#dragon age solas#solavellan#inquisitor lavellan#like ik its different for everybody right#but god#im thinkin about them real hard rn#aila being angry for so long#that by datv its almost the only thing they feel consistently#and the dragons blood doesnt help#and theyre SO SURE that when they see solas again theyll kill him#bc thats what they wanted#but then everything goes to shit#idk#i think some of that murderous rage stays#bc theyve always had it#their entire life got upturned and destroyed bc they were at the wrong place at the wrong time#and for the most part they wield that anger at their foes#but then tresspasser happens and it just comes crashing down on them#they never wanted this responsibility. and solas says hes going to tear down the veil#which will effectively destroy the world- even if thats a good thing#and they dont give up. they give in to that bubbling anger#and even if they dont want to. they know theyll kill solas. they have to.#then veilguard. they cant kill solas. not now. and deep down they wonder if they wouldve to begin with#anyway. im really normal about aila. they use they/she btw.#is it obvious that theyre a reaver warrior lmao
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my dash: Bell's Hells are doing doppelganger trust exercises in the feywild for bonding purposes
me: oh???? :) my fools?
my dash: half of them wanted to use detect thoughts to get through it. they werent allowed to. but they were absolutely planning to do it.
me, with great affection: oh, my fools :') of course
my dash: They Handled This Less Than Optimally and were accusing each other suspiciously and randomly and using all kinds of strange tactics
me: my fools :'DDDDD of COURSE they did-
my dash: Even in an ACTIVE TRUST BUILDING EXERCISE with live doppelgangers, they were still grappling with their chronic Fuck With Each Other impulses
me with all the affection in the world: u fucking <3 bet <3 they would <3 maladjusted trainwrecks <3333333
#comforting to know that all of my instincts about how BH would handle a doppelganger trust exercises aligned wIth what they did. everything#im seeing feels right. trust exercise? detect thoughts time . what do you mean im not alllowed to is that NOT how trust works.#of COURSE i trust u. my trust is dependent on very specific things that are kind of indistinguishable from my distrust of u. thats normal#and good even.#hey this is an important exercise to build trust. however it would be SOOOO funny if i fucked with u rn so... hmm.....#anyway. maladjusted. im sure im missing plenty of details but this was fun to catch up on everyone keep up ur posts theyre great#critical role#cr spoilers#c3e80#?#bell's hells#shitpost#still alive! just tremendously behind and busy! but glad good and fun things are happening in campaign still lmao
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as someone who isnt super excited for sotm for certain reasons I am really glad that like. it's clear that since ruin theyve been setting up for carnival and sotm IS carnival. so now that carnival is finally coming out, afterwards theyll be moving on to other plotlines since the main villain stuff is sorted out
I'm just rlly happy to finally see a clear direction for how the story is gonna be playing out with like "okay these games were leading up to this so after this will be open possibilites" instead of like. absolutely no info about each upcoming game and being left guessing before it releases and just having to wait and see what's in it and if anything you're looking forward to will be in it
it feels like they have a plan and a solid direction for what they're trying to do and after carnival releases thatll be all that buildup coming to fruition. & we already know from the Scott interview that theres another release 'beyond sotm' that's 'super exciting' so maybe thatll be focusing on another big currently untouched (which is basically all of them) plotline, or even the big campaign game that dawko has been calling security breach 2
#even if i dislike how theyve been handling this whole mimic cassies dad factory mapbot bonnie bully stuff#the past like 2 releases 3 after sotm#after watching johns theory video it really does feel like stuff was more purposeful with thought put into it when u plug in cassies dad#even if the plot of him being behind mxes and trapping mimic is pushing other more important characters aside#its probably what happened and accepting that makes the story at least seem more thought out#it did make me feel better about it bc like. it at least feels like theyre cooking#like what theyre working on DOES have a direction and a plan and it isnt just random stuff like how it felt when hw2 came out#i might still think that the stuff theyve been doing the past few releases is boring af and uninteresting#compared to earlier concepts like focusing on vanny and the possession aspects and sentient glamrocks#(we could see more of it with freddy if theyd let him come back ever)#but like. at least it has thought put into it and feels like theyre actually trying to set shit up for something#like sotm is an ORIGIN#the tagline was 'sometimes you have to understand the past to see the future'#at the end of the day sotm is a setup for a campaign thatll take place in present day anf#even if its taking ten thousand years to get there im excited for it#aka its taken a long time to tell this story setup of cassies dad and mimic and shit and it might be boring for some people#(me)#but at the end of the day its meant to be setup explaining the past of why mimic exists (even if that's already in tbe books)#so after we 'understand' it we can get back to present day#and focus on its current victims vanessa gregory cassie etc#cassies dad is 100% dead if hw2s protag is him so he woukdnt be relevant anymore. just another character thing to serve cassie#im just saying like after sotm its wide open for getting back to the plot#and i think its actually right to say that bc like all of this has been setup. if hw2 protag is cassies dad its a prequel to ruin#so rn ruin is the most recent game in the timeline. meaning the next game that takes place in current tjme will focus on the current mains#Gregory cassie vanessa#sorry for fnaf plot posting again ive been thinking about it a lot the past few days#thought id balance some negative ive posted with a positive since im feeling better about it myself :)#one day we're gonna be so back and its gonna be great#its just gonna be a long annoying wait lmao#thoughts
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watched the ml movie
that sure was smth that happened on my screen for real uhuh
#i feel like i'm in a catatonic state rn#more thoughts below‚ no spoilers tho! just thoughts on the movie as a whole#uh#it was not great SJHDHFJG but what where we really expecting huh#overall maybe like 4/10 pushing a 3.5 i'm def gonna have to watch it with better subs visual and audio quality later#excited for the eng dub LMAO#overall there were like 2 or 3 scenes i really liked but MAN that ending was not it#gonna be thinking about it for a while tho#NOT AS BAD AS THE SHANGHAI SPECIAL? CAN I SAY THAT? IDK... IM NOT AS. ENRAGED. MAYBE CAUSE IT'S AN AU#def things going on and happening that i just ???? who did this#extremely incoherent rn if you can't tell#insane . thing. yeah wow ie#tizzy talks#miraculous ladybug#miraculous ladybug awakening#ladybug and cat noir the movie#christ why did they rename this film like 200 times#ml awakening#mlb awakening#i don't even remember which fucking tag i use for it
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Whoopsies
The adhd got bad again I forgot I had a tumblr 🙃 😅 😐
#my trash#adhd feels#adhd inattentive#hahahaha#ohno#forgottencore#forgot i had this#lmao whats even happening rn#ayy lmao
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So my roommate is also into One Piece. I’m not sure if he’s watched any of the anime, I know for sure he’s watched the live action, but earlier tonight he came upstairs and watched a few episodes with me while waiting for a food delivery, and then he got hooked, and then he sat and watched MORE episodes with me without really knowing what was going on. But it was still wildly entertaining to him, esp since I’m right in the middle of one of the (arguably) best arcs rn, and now he wants to finish the arc with me LOL. NOBODY is immune to One Piece propaganda. Or Bon-chan 🥰
#Shima speaks#IT WAS JUST REALLY FUNNY#Like he’s been spoiled to a lot of stuff and has general knowledge of some things#So he knows (as well as I) about what’s going to happen to Ace#But yeah I’m in the middle of Impel Down and it’s absolute fucking CHAOS rn. Insane.#He was like. How much more are you going to watch tonight.#And I was like well I usually go until right before bedtime when I’m binging it#So he was like let me grab my blanky :) LOL#We started chanting PRISON RIOT!! PRISON RIOT!! PRISON RIOT!!!!!#Idk it’s just nice. I usually don’t get this kind of reaction to stuff I watch#My parents don’t like anime and my sister. Well she likes it but only specific series#So I couldn’t rope her into OP even if I tried lol#So having someone be like ooooh what are you watching it looks good I want to join!#IT FEELS NICE. OKAY. I don’t get that ever!!!#I don’t have the kind of family who would be willing to watch anime with me#And tbh I get jealous when my friends tell me they watch anime with their parents#I doubt my parents would watch anime if I were on my deathbed and asked them to. LMAO#Not faulting then it’s not their cup of tea which is fine. It just makes me sad#*them#Bc that’s just. Such a HUGE part of my life and who I am. And they don’t know anything about that side of me#Or about the things I’m into#Sorry didn’t mean to get emo in my tags. Anyway.#I was gonna watch more OP during my lunch break tomorrow BUT since my roommate also wants to watch more. I will wait :)#Never have to do that usually! Huh!! How fun!!!#One Piece
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#not my place to say because i have no clue what's happening and don't involve myself in any of this but like.#it really does make the fandom experience worse when the only thing people are absorbed in is drama.#i feel very isolated from everyone rn and it's making it very hard to be online#no matter where you stand it's isolating and it sucks. feels like everyone is bonding over gossip that i truly Do Not Care About#and i'm just. sadtoad.jpeg#(not that i don't care about my friends getting bullied or anything!!!)#(this isn't even a vague this is about fandom issues that have Always Existed)#(it just feels like i stay in my lane and anytime i veer out of it i'm bombarded with crazy bullshit LOL)#i miss my friends and my rp partners and i just asfdajdgfasvjd i'm having a hard time being here rn#anyway if you made it to the end of this vent this is all to say: SORRY I'M NOT WRITING AND SORRY I'M NOT ON DISCORD LMAO#tua s4 ruined my life and now i'm trying to get away from vagueposts and bullshit and i just. I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT i'm sorry#*【 ❛I'm not the spirit of any age. ❜ 】 ➤ OOC
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genuine question but is there any fandom where a character is well written by the majority. im thinking about fandom culture and the spread of frustration when people dont write characters well but. honestly in all the fandoms ive been in there's only like, a Select number of authors who i trust to write Well, let alone write Well AND In Character. character analysis and writing and getting inside characters' heads are all separate skills (all of which are trained by roleplaying fyi can CONFIRM playing pretend with your friends is good for you). there's been more than once where I've disagreed with an interpretation that others agreed with, and then I turned out wrong. or i turned out right. like it doesnt matter WHO is right it just matters that differences in character analysis exist, so even if you DO write well AND write in character, your in character is still going to be someone else's out of character
there's this sort of. vibe. that to play in the sandbox you Need to be able to make a castle, and if you can't make a castle then you shouldn't bother, and it completely dismisses the idea that youre in that sandbox to PLAY in the first place. there's this Weight of disappointing someone if you can't build something that they like, but that forgets that you aren't there to build them a castle. like, be KIND. if you disagree with someone then please make an effort to do so kindly. i dont give a shit about fandom discourse but there is a reason kids get removed from sandboxes if they keep throwing sand in people's eyes. but if they don't like your misshapen sand pile, then youre not obligated to change it. even if you yourself end up hating that same sand pile later- youre not building a legacy. youre playing. and sometimes the result of that play is out of character drivel. theres a reason there are so many authors and so few who i like to consistently read and thats because everyone is Fucking Around in their hobby space. hash tag brag or whatever but i can build castles. ive built several that im v proud of. ive also dug holes in the sand for fun and then tripped on them when trying to get up. I often dug a hole and then got up and fucking- whoops, its a castle now, and i didn't realize i'd made something to be proud of until after the fact. the whole time while creating shit i was Convinced it was bullshit that didn't make sense. and then other times i was Convinced it was bullshit and then i was Right and i can look back and go. huh. ew. but it doesn't matter what the end result was, because i had fun playing in the sandbox
this wasn't meant to turn into a ramble but i have Feelings about bad art and art that's badly perceived and how public perception can screw with your head and how making art youre proud of is fucking. it's so difficult!!! it's hard!! it's really fun, which is why i try to make it, but i promise you it is Okay to not tryhard creativity. even if you CAN, it's okay not to do it all the time. or ever, even. fuck around find out have fun etc
#NOT a discourse post i am musing out loud#there's discourse goign around the dash rn or i wouldnt mention it#but the past few weeks ive seen a lot of “DONT fucking mischaracterize my guy my fuckign god”#which is one of the most frustrating pet peeve there is#but i think a lot too about little baby me#fresh on her writing journey#and how discouraged i would be if someone pointed out the mistakes id made#i made a Lot of fuckups#and i also think about this one fic where one of the characters was INCREDIBLY out of character#me today would not be able to stomach reading it#but baby me was so ENCHANTED#and it introduced to me the concept that you dont always know the reason someone does something#and it made me read even more#and because of that i eventually found Expert Skill level fics#which introduced me to MANY little tricks and fidgets ive tried to implement#there were so so many reviews on that fic that called it shit or complained about the bad characterization#but a decade later i still think about it#there were several very corny mine/craft horror fics i read#which back in the day would be called cringe#and those were what inspired me to write my first horror fic and now im Enchanted by the whole genre#theres a lot of stuff i dont like to read but i like that other people are enjoying themselves#i dont know how to be succinct i hope my point is coming across well#this ties into my thing where fiction is for you first others later#here are my credentials: bb/h fan since before the elections (hi i was the guy who noticed his lack of armour post elections)#and a cross-fandom comment trend of people going 'woa i can see this happening in canon'#im not talking out my ass i genuinely think its more important to have fun than to write accurate characterization#which. is a more 'duh' and clarifying thing than everything else ive written#but ah well c'est la vie#also also just realized this could be interpreted like that- NOT an attack on people who complain about mischaracterization either lmao#i do that too w friends. this is to reassure people who put pressure on themselves to create things Well all the time
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it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time
I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world
And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with
#N posts stuff#one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety#now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body#but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself#like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao#bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something'#like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with#is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again#and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than#'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it#which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that#so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :)#if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively#like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away.#and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered#like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?'#dimension 20#d20: stupendous stoats#tula#d20lb
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