#lmao still gets me in my feels when i hear it
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dating hamzah al-emad includes...
currently listening to: lust for life by lana del rey ft the weeknd ɞ˚‧。⋆
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Hamzah quite honestly doesn’t have too much experience when it comes to romantic relationships. He’s constantly worried that he’ll do or say something wrong, so please reassure him when the situation calls for it.
he lovelovelovess having you around him as much as possible. You honestly could never “bother” him, even if he’s editing/coming up with video ideas. One day you asked Hamzah if he’d like some alone time to get some editing done and he immediately said:
“no-what are you talking about? Here, come sit down.”
You’re one of the very few people that don’t easily overstimulate him lmao
This man has insane attachment issues when it comes to you and has no issue letting you know when he misses/wants to see you. You could be out of the apartment running errands and your phone will be filled with messages from him.
‘me and the cats miss u very much btw if u even care…’
‘when are you coming homeee ;(‘
Please don’t be shocked when he comes up to you asking for very specific things that he may need for a video involving Martin. For example, where do you think he got the skirt for his White Chicks costume? Exactly.
Even if someone is meeting him for the very first time, they’ll immediately be able to tell he has a girlfriend because he’s constantly wearing something symbolic of you. That bracelet you randomly made him one night? It’s practically glued to his wrist. Your claw clip practically has a home on his belt loop. So, these little things make it pretty easy for people to decipher the fact that he’s taken.
Recording with Martin takes up quite a bit of his time so he’s constantly putting in the effort to see you, hear your voice, and speak with you in general. You’re constantly receiving photos/videos/voice memos from Hamzah when he’s in the middle of filming.
He always makes sure to bring you something back when Martin and him visit a restaurant, or a location that’s stocked up on items he knows you enjoy.
Hamzah has been through a whole lot and has experienced his fair share of loneliness. He isn’t too good with his words/voicing just how much you and your presence mean to him but he tries soso hard. There’ll be a lot of sighs and stutters filling the pauses in his sentences but that doesn’t stop his adoration from shining through.
“I just- I love you so much, y/n. I hope I say it enough, y’know? I’m really serious about you and I know I might not be the most experienced guy when it comes to this, but I hope that doesn’t make you doubt how serious I am about you. Because I am- serious about you, I mean.”
These sorts of conversations tend to happen late at night when the warmth between your two bodies blossoms endlessly. He holds you tight as your cheek is pressed against his chest. He can’t help but hold you the same way he’d hold a knife.
In his eyes, the two of you are in this for the long run and he doesn’t hide his intentions of marrying you. He even slipped up and called you his wife in a video once.
‘Yesterday, me and my wife- well…make that my future wife.’ and then a cheesy lil smirk spreads across his face 😭
He even made the both of you in Sims and made it so that the two of you got married. Mandy and Martin couldn’t help but tease him about it.
He loves you with his entire fucking being and he wants nothing but to be good for you, good to you, be the one to make you smile, laugh, feel at ease. He adores being able to do domestic activities with you since it gives him a glimpse into how it’ll be like once the two of you eventually get married. As I said, he puts in soooo much effort into making you happy so he definitely attempts to get good at cooking so he can surprise you with breakfast in bed/homemade dinner. He stills puts in the effort to learn how to cook even if you already know how to. He wants to surprise you so bad so pls let him (╥‸╥) (even if the French toast he made is a lil burnt)
Follows you around like a lost puppy. His hand is constantly reaching for yours, his arms are instantly wrapped around you as soon as the two of you get into bed, he always makes room for you to sit in his lap.
a/n: I haven’t written in quite awhile but I had to come back since my obsession with this man has worsened this past week 😞. Feel free to send requests 💌🧸
#hamzah x reader#hamzahthefanatasticxreader#slushy noobz x reader#hamzahthefantastic x reader#hamzah x female reader#hamzah x y/n#x female y/n#x female reader#x fem!reader#youtuber x reader
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may never make it out challenge
Thank you so much @saynomorefic for creating this very fun game and for the initial tag 💜💜💜 Equally big thanks to @goldenwilmon and @toffeelemon for tagging me as well 💜💜💜
Post a 1-5 paragraph excerpt of a WIP / fic idea that may never make it out of your drafts but is near and dear to your heart
I've been dragging this one around for a WHILE (seems like I created the doc in decermber '23 oh my god). And you've likely seen parts of this already. Essentially, the idea is that Simon and Wille never got back together and when Simon starts university in Stockholm Wille reaches out again and, even though Simon would love to think he's over Wille, they start hooking up again. Simon is... angry in this. This is far from 5 paragraphs, but. Uh. If I never get to actually finish it, then at least it's here, lmao. Beware, there's some smut (NSFW) down there.
When he first spots Wilhelm, he immediately regrets his decision. Wishes he'd just ignored the text, maybe even told him to fuck off, all decorum and pretense of being over the past be damned. He shouldn't have agreed to this. The smile he flashes Simon as he starts walking towards him, moving around tables and bags people have placed on the ground in the small coffee shop is every bit as crooked and cheery as Simon remembers it from four years ago and he can't stand it. He shouldn't be able to act like this is okay, like they are okay, like he just gets to burst back into Simon's life like that and smile about it.
But that's the whole problem. Simon let him, let it get to this. “Hey, Simon,” he hears him say as soon as he's standing in front of him. And it really shouldn't affect him that much, the simple utterance of his name shouldn't hold that much power. He twists the napkin he's subconsciously grabbed with one hand, forces a neutral expression. “Hey,” he replies. If he has to be here at all, he's sure as hell not going to be cooperative in conversation. Wille's smile falters ever so slightly. It really wouldn't be noticeable, but Simon knows that face, knows all its traitorous tells and he seemingly still has all that info filed away neatly. As Wilhelm sits down opposite of him the initial enthusiasm has seemingly left him and he's starting to pick at his nails. Simon knows all the signs and if he were a better person he'd try to reassure him now, make him feel a little less anxious about their encounter. But he fights the urge, tightens the grip on the napkin when his hand threatens to reach out to grab Wilhelm's. He hates himself for wanting to give in so easily. Before any other body part can betray him he decides to speak instead. “So what do you want?”
[...]
[Simon] does wonder, too, in between his moans and gasps that mirror Wilhelm’s sounds, whether Wilhelm does this with other people, whether Wilhelm has ever held anyone so close and made sure their bodies aligned perfectly. Whether Wilhelm has lost himself like this with anyone else, since. There’s a spark of anger at the thought of it, then a crashing wave of pride when he feels Wilhelm start to shake under him. A heady warmth, thick and sticky, when he realizes that it’s him and him alone that made Wilhelm spill into the condom. It’s powerful enough to spur him on, to give him enough fervor to raise and lower his hips once, twice again. He messily fucks into Wilhelm’s fist and finally he’s coming in streaks that lay claim on the man that’s turning boneless underneath him. He doesn’t say any of it out loud, doesn’t repeat his traitorous thoughts about wanting to be the only one to fuck Wilhelm like this. He doesn’t lie about sex with Jacob, but doesn’t feel the need to mention that it’s been weeks since they've done it like this.
[...]
Simon’s gotten into the habit of lying. Says he’ll have to be back in his apartment soon, says he can’t possibly stay overnight, that he needs to get up early for classes tomorrow. Says he can’t on weekends because that’s when Sara comes over. Or that Ayub is planning to visit him. Or that he’ll have to take an extra shift at the café. Wilhelm never questions him. He never really pushes, simply adjusts his schedule somewhat and ends up parking his car down the alley from Simon’s apartment building on a Tuesday evening, Wednesday evening, any evening Simon hasn’t given an excuse for. It’s bitter-sweet. There’s something thrilling about the fact that the Crown Prince will roll up any time of the night just to get his fix of Simon, no matter the ridiculous restrictions Simon gives him. It feels good to be the one calling the shots for once.
[...]
Underneath him, Wilhelm is writhing, moaning, arching his back, doing everything to meet Simon’s thrusts, offering his body in a way Simon is not quite sure how to take in. This openness, the unguarded way he lets go while Simon is pinning him down, the desperate pleas for moremoremore that he’s uttering, tumbling over his lips and glinting in his eyes whenever he stares back up at Simon, it twists something deep inside of Simon’s soul. Wilhelm is letting him in, he’s laying out his soul, opening up his chest for Simon to reach inside. It’s fascinating to watch and it’s scary to think about. Another thrust and Wilhelm is throwing his head back, baring his throat, pale and soft and long and claimed by the violently purple bruise Simon has sucked into the skin of it. And somehow it all wraps up in that sight, this vision. Wilhelm would let Simon tear into him, no questions asked. Would offer himself to him, bleeding.
I'm not sure who has and hasn't done this before, but I'm tagging @saynomorefic (if you want to do another one <3) @impossibleknots, @earlgrey-lateatnight, @the-impala-is-my-home, @shouldntbearevolution, @grapehyasynth, @pagegirlintraining, @wilmonsfolklore, @iwouldnevergetintofanfic @caramelpenguin, @willesworld &&&&&& can we make this about gif-art as well? Probably right? In that case, maybe @sobadbad & @books-books-smolderinglooks have any projects to share? Anyone else who would like to share one of their may-never-make-it-outs, you've been tagged as well💜💜💜 Tag me if you do so I can read it!
#tag game#wilmon#wilmon fanfic#wilmon snippet#yr#young royals#tales from the google docs#my fanfic#I know I overtag ppl probably............. I'm sorry kjsfakdghadfkjg I get excited about these so when I do end up doing one I go overboard#listen Simon in this is......... he's having a time okay#but......... maybe he gets better.......#may never make it out challenge
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死 KKANGPAE | #04 死
† forest rendezvous †
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"They say the most dangerous predators are the ones that make you feel safe before they strike. But watching him calculate each shot with deadly precision, you realize there might be something even more dangerous - the ones who warn you exactly what they are, and still make you want to stay."
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next | index
⚔ chapter details ⚔
word count: 6k
rating: mature
content: forced proximity, piggyback, sniping, ominous threats, badmouthing, hinting at deeper wounds
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☠ author's note ���
A/N: Oh wow, apparently I even had author's notes saved in my drafts when I started writing this back in 2020? Past!me had *thoughts* and present!me is just here like (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
So I'm basically taking those written thoughts and rechanneling them through my 2025 brain. And let me tell you, the cognitive dissonance is REAL. Like past!me was all "but it's a slow burn!" and current!me is just cackling in the corner because honey... you have no idea what's coming 。・゚゚*(>д
I really debated on whether to include the piggyback scene or not. Had the whole thing pictured out a LONG time ago (we're talking pre-pandemic long, yes I am ancient, no I don't want to talk about it), but wasn't sure if I should add it here... you know, being a slow burn and all that jazz. But I think it works? They're both so against it that it's basically negative development at this point lmao.
Also, FORCED PROXIMITY MY BELOVEDS. If you think I'm not going to milk every single trope in existence, you clearly don't know me well enough yet. Just wait until we get to- *gets tackled by the spoiler police*
As always, thank you for reading! Your comments give me life and serotonin, which I desperately need because my caffeine addiction can only do so much. Stay tuned! (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧
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⚔ socials ⚔
read on ao3
read on wattpad
tumblr/twitter: @jungkoode
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⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎
"Shit—"
The word slips out as you struggle to your feet, using Jeon's hand like some kind of reluctant lifeline.
That's when your ankle decides to remind you exactly how badly you messed up trying to ambush him earlier. The adrenaline's wearing off, leaving behind nothing but raw, throbbing pain that makes you want to scream. Or cry. Maybe both.
"I think I twisted my ankle."
Jeon drops your hand like it's burning him, his expression morphing into pure exasperation.
"You must be kidding me."
"Yeah, because I love pretending to be injured during paintball." The pain makes your words sharper than intended. "It's my favorite hobby, actually."
He presses his hand against his face and you can practically hear the gears turning in his head. His expression shifts from annoyed to something more complex—like a storm trying to decide which direction to blow.
The silence stretches between you, thick and uncomfortable. You lean against the rock, trying to take weight off your ankle, but it just keeps t̶h̶r̶o̶b̶b̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶b̶i̶t̶c̶h̶ hurting worse with each passing second.
Finally, Jeon clicks his tongue and strides over to you. Then he just... turns around. Stands there. Like you're supposed to know what that means.
When you don't move, he adds, "Hop on," in a voice that somehow manages to sound both annoyed and urgent at the same time.
Like he's throwing commands to a dog.
You stare at his back, brain struggling to process what's happening. This is Jeon—Mr. Ice Prince himself—offering you a piggyback ride. The same guy who can barely stand being in the same room as you most days.
He glances over his shoulder, dark eyes meeting yours. "I said, hop on. We don't have all day."
"No way." Pride makes you lift your chin despite the pain. "I'm not getting a piggyback from you. I'll just... wait here."
His patience visibly snaps. He turns to face you fully. "You can't walk, and you'll be a liability." The words come out sharp and cold. "If someone from his team finds you, you're out. And now, you're on my team."
"What do you mean I'm on your team?"
"You ask too many questions." He bites the inside of his cheek, clearly t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶n̶o̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ done with your attitude. "Were you or were you not with my team when shit went down?"
"What does that have to do with—"
"It's an improvisation game. It's V's thing, stealth. Remember?" His voice cuts through yours like a knife. "Whoever's with me when V strikes is on my team. Same goes for him. It's really not that complicated."
He takes a deep breath, face muscles shifting to something more controlled. When he looks at you again, he seems determined.
"I'm not losing to V, especially not because of you. So either hop on," the gentleness in his voice has an edge that makes you tense, "or I'll pull rank and make it an order."
Your blood boils at that. The audacity of this man, threatening to pull rank just because you don't want to get a piggyback ride like some kid. But he's right, and that just pisses you off more. Your ankle's screaming, and you're basically a sitting duck out here.
Fuck.
You hobble closer, swallowing your pride along with a string of curses. The warmth oozing off his body envelops you swiftly, making your heart do weird things in your chest.
Getting on his back is awkward and t̶h̶o̶r̶o̶u̶g̶h̶l̶y̶ ̶h̶u̶m̶i̶l̶i̶a̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ uncomfortable, but he lifts you like you weigh nothing. His body is all lean muscle under your hands, which is just... t̶h̶o̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶t̶s̶ ̶b̶e̶g̶o̶n̶e̶ not something you need to think about right now. You kind of want to knee him in the ribs, just because you can.
You don't, though. Your ankle's already betrayed you once tonight—no need to make things worse.
He starts moving with careful, measured steps. Neither of you speaks. If he's as annoyed as you are about this whole situation, he doesn't show it anymore. His focus is entirely on the game now, eyes scanning the darkness, body tense and ready. Like a storm gathering strength.
And that just pisses you off more. Here you are, swallowing your pride with every step he takes, while he acts like carrying you is just another mission parameter to execute. The quiet forest floor suddenly seems way more appealing than being trapped in his personal weather system.
His breathing is steady, a rhythm that somehow makes the tension worse. Because yeah, he's helping you, but it feels like being rescued by a particularly moody thundercloud. The fact that you need him right now doesn't make you like him any better—it just makes everything more complicated.
Your eyes are dragged to the edges of his tattoos where they disappear under his shirt. Each one probably has a story, but good luck getting those out of Mr. Storm-and-Silence here.
Still, you're curious.
Are they about pain? Strength? Or maybe he just likes sitting through hours of needles because he's t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶k̶i̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶m̶a̶s̶o̶c̶h̶i̶s̶t̶ that dedicated to his aesthetic.
The silence starts to feel heavy, pressing down like gathering clouds. All you can see is his back, and the closeness makes your skin buzz like it's charged with static.
"So where exactly are we going?" You break the silence because honestly, anything's better than drowning in his suffocating presence.
"Paintball weapon cache."
"Wait, what?" You can't keep the disbelief out of your voice. "I thought we were getting my ankle checked out—"
"This is a simulation." He cuts off. "V's games are unpredictable, but they mirror real scenarios. We adapt. We deal."
There's something under that icy tone—a competitiveness that makes you think this is more than just training to him. Your fingers twitch against his shoulders, and you try not to think about the muscle shifting under your hands.
"You do this often?" You find yourself asking, curiosity winning over irritation.
"Unfortunately." The word carries a gust of dry humor. "V likes his... creative training methods. Paintball, surprise drills, mock raids. He's impulsive, but effective."
"Sounds... fun?" The word tastes weird in your mouth.
"If you enjoy being perpetually ambushed." His dry tone makes your lips twitch despite yourself.
You fall quiet, thinking about these two forces of nature—Jeon's storms and V's thorny garden. Different kinds of dangerous, but both leaving destruction in their wake (duh, they're assassins?). One's all calculated precision, the other pure chaos—yet somehow they both keep the gang's deadliest division running.
"So what's the plan now?" You try to keep your voice neutral. If you're stuck being his human backpack, might as well try to be useful.
"We arm ourselves." His voice gains a strategizing color. "It's not about having the most firepower. Real situations never go according to plan."
Something about his tone piques your curiosity even further. "Has he always been like this? V? With the whole paintball ambush thing?"
Jeon lets out a sound that's caught between amusement and irritation. "Yeah. You never know what to expect with that psycho. There was this one time when he—"
He cuts himself off abruptly. You can feel how his muscles tense against your legs, probably kicking himself for almost sharing something personal.
"When he what?" You can't help pushing. The rare glimpse behind his walls is too tempting to ignore.
"Never mind." His voice goes flat, that familiar coldness sliding back into place.
The silence stretches again, pregnant with all the things he won't say. It's strange, catching these tiny cracks in his perfect ice-prince facade. Makes you wonder what other stories he's keeping locked away.
As you move deeper into the forest, his competitive side starts showing through. He explains the rules like he's briefing for a real mission, all strategy and tactics.
"...And the objective?" You ask, trying to piece it all together.
"Last team standing wins." His voice rumbles through his back against your chest. "Or take out the opposing leader—me or V."
"Makes sense." You nod, hyper-aware of how his voice ricochets through you. "But why so intense? It's just paintball, right?"
The question slips out before you can stop it. But really—all this drama over some colored paint?
"It's never just a game." The edge in his voice could cut glass. "In our world, everything's a test. A challenge. We're constantly proving ourselves. You should know that by now."
His words sink in slowly. You do know—every day in this place feels like walking a tightrope, being watched, measured, judged. Even something as simple as paintball becomes another arena to prove your worth.
"This is exhausting," you mutter, and you actually mean it. The weight of constant training, constant proving yourself—it gets old fast.
"It is." Something in Jeon's voice makes you wish you could see his face. There's a pause, then: "But it's necessary. Keeps us sharp. Survival of the fittest and all that shit."
The bitterness in those last words catches you off guard. It's weird hearing him talk like this—like maybe he's not totally sold on the whole 'constant competition' thing either. The thought of Jeon having doubts about anything feels like finding a dent in what you thought was solid concrete.
He continues moving through the forest like he was born here, feet finding paths you can barely see in the dark. The trees loom overhead, their leaves whispering secrets you can't quite catch. Soon, you are opening your mouth again before your brain can stop you.
"How'd you end up here?"
His stride breaks—just for a second, but you feel it. The air grows heavy again, pressing down on your shoulders.
"Circumstances. Choices." The words come out clipped, that familiar wall slamming back into place. "Same as anyone else."
You can practically taste the story he's not telling. Something dark and messy that turned him into this walking hurricane of a person. But pushing would be stupid, and contrary to popular belief, you're not that dumb.
"Right." You let it drop, focusing instead on how the moonlight catches on his silver chain when he moves.
Jeon picks up speed, and the trees seem to close in around you both. It seems to be a sign you are approaching your destination.
"So once we get the guns, what's the plan?" You try to break the weird tension that's settled between you.
"Find high ground," he says, voice low and focused. "Somewhere we can see everything but stay hidden. Sniping's all about patience and precision."
"And you think there's actually a spot like that around here?" You can't keep the skepticism from your voice. You've done your fair share of surveillance—good vantage points are rare as hell in this forest.
He just grunts, confident as ever. "I know this place like the back of my hand." He actually lifts one hand to prove his point, the moonlight catching on his rings.
It shouldn't be as hot as it is.
Silence falls again and the trees grow closer together, moonlight filtering through in weird patterns that make everything look kind of surreal. The darkness feels heavy, like it's trying to remind you both that you're not exactly on a fun camping trip here.
You watch him scan the forest ahead, all focus and precision. It hits you that this is his element—the quiet, the calculation, the waiting game.
"You really think this'll work against V's team?" The doubt slips into your voice before you can stop it.
"It's not about what works against them." He sounds almost philosophical, which is... different. "It's about playing to our strengths."
He pauses to lick his lip ring—a habit you're starting to notice—before adding: "Plus, I'm Chief of Tactical Assassinations for a reason. Best sniper in Kkangpae. Best in South Korea."
"Best in the whole country? For real?" You hate how interested you sound.
"Probably." His shoulders lift in a small shrug that makes you bounce slightly.
"Right." You roll your eyes. "Got any proof of that?"
"I do." The response comes quick, matter-of-fact. "They're all dead though."
A snort escapes before you can stop it.
Shit.
Okay. That may have been actually funny. But you're definitely not laughing at his jokes. He might have a sense of humor hiding under all that ice, but he's still an ass.
Jeon slows down as you reach what looks like the world's most underwhelming hideout—just a tiny hut tucked between the trees. His muscles go tense against your legs, like he's preparing for trouble. The way he lowers you to the ground is weirdly gentle for someone who usually acts like basic human contact might give him hives.
Your ankle screams in protest when you put weight on it, making you wobble slightly. Something flickers across Jeon's face—t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶m̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶c̶e̶r̶n̶ probably just annoyance at having to babysit you.
"You good?"
The question catches you off guard. Since when does the ice prince care if you're okay?
You manage a nod, not trusting yourself to speak without letting out some embarrassing noise of pain. He turns toward the hut but pauses, throwing a glance over his shoulder.
"Tell me if you see movement." His voice drops to barely above a whisper. "Any movement."
Then he's gone, slipping into the darkness of the hut. You hear him moving around inside, probably doing some super-professional sniper inventory check or whatever the hell he does.
When he emerges, he's carrying two paintball rifles like they weigh nothing. You try really hard not to notice how the moonlight catches on his arm muscles as he moves, or how smoothly he closes the door with just a flick of his wrist.
He hands you one of the rifles, dark eyes scanning the forest with the kind of focus that reminds you why he's chief of his division. Then he just... crouches down again, waiting for you to climb back on.
The sight of him effortlessly holding a rifle while offering you a piggyback makes something in your chest twist. How dare he make this look so easy? How dare he be this capable and t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶h̶o̶t̶ this insufferable at the same time?
You sigh, swallowing your pride along with several choice words about the universe's sick sense of humor, and climb back onto his back. His body is warm against yours and you hate that you notice. You hate even more that he's not even breaking a sweat carrying both you and the gear.
Stupid attractive jerk with his stupid perfect aim and his stupid strength. The least he could do is be ugly, but no—he had to look like that while being the most irritating person you've ever met.
Jeon stands like your weight is nothing—because of course he does. He adjusts the rifle with practiced ease, and you try really hard not to notice how effortlessly he handles both you and a weapon. It's t̶h̶o̶t̶ ̶b̶r̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶a̶c̶t̶i̶v̶a̶t̶e̶d̶ annoying how good he is at literally everything.
His movements fall into a steady rhythm as he walks, and you find yourself swaying slightly with each step. It's weird being this close to someone you can barely stand. The guy who's usually a walking natural disaster is suddenly all careful precision, like the calm before a storm.
The hill stretches up ahead, moonlight painting everything in silver and shadow. Somewhere in the distance, paintball guns are still going off. Sounds like V's twisted little game is still in full swing for everyone else who isn't stuck playing piggyback with their nemesis.
You watch the forest ahead, trying to focus on anything except how warm Jeon is against the cool night air. He moves through the undergrowth like he was born for this. The higher you climb, the slower he moves, until finally he stops altogether.
Without a word—because god forbid he actually communicate like a normal person—he crouches slightly. Your cue to get off this incredibly awkward ride.
"Here." His voice is barely above a whisper as he helps you down with surprising care.
You scan the area, taking in the elevated position and clear view of the forest below. It's perfect for sniping, which makes sense given who picked it. But something about being this exposed makes your skin crawl.
"This is way too exposed." Your instincts are screaming at you to find better cover. The entire forest floor is visible from up here, which means you're visible too. "We need something more concealed."
Jeon turns his head just enough to catch your eye in the moonlight. "Trust me."
Two simple words, but they hit different.
Trust isn't something that comes easy in this life. Especially not between you and Mr. Hurricane himself.
Yet here he is, asking for it like it's that simple.
You weigh your options, torn between your screaming survival instincts and his calm certainty. Finally, you give him a reluctant nod. What choice do you really have?
You can't help watching as Jeon sets up his position. The way he moves is t̶o̶o̶ ̶g̶r̶a̶c̶e̶f̶u̶l̶ irritatingly efficient, precise and purposeful. His eyes scan the terrain with a focus that makes your mouth inexplicably dry.
Because it's weird seeing him like this. The usual cold, intimidating chief is gone, replaced by someone who moves with quiet, deadly grace. Every shift of his body as he positions the rifle speaks of years of practice, of countless nights spent perfecting each tiny movement.
The hurricane that usually swirls around him has settled into something different—a gentle breeze that makes your skin tingle. It's... weird.
Almost peaceful.
You can't help studying him while he's focused like this. The way his dark eyes track every movement below, how his brow furrows just slightly when he's thinking. His silver piercings catch the moonlight when he shifts, and you find yourself leaning closer.
Just to see better, obviously. For tactical reasons.
Movement near the cache catches your attention. Jeon goes completely still beside you, the kind of stillness that reminds you he's literally the best sniper in South Korea. You lean in further, trying to see what he's seeing, and suddenly realize how close you are. Your shoulder brushes his, but neither of you moves away. You're both too focused on the target below, who's digging through supplies like they've got all the time in the world.
"Wait for it..." His voice is barely a whisper, warm breath ghosting past your ear. His finger hovers over the trigger with the patience of someone who knows exactly what they're doing.
The poor soul at the cache has no idea what's coming. The air feels charged, like the moment before lightning strikes.
Then—bang.
The shot is perfect because of course it is. A splash of neon paint blooms on the target's back like some abstract art piece. They jump about a foot in the air, spinning around wildly.
"Dammit, Jeon!" The shout echoes through the trees. There's only one person who could make a shot that clean from such distance.
You bite your lip to keep from laughing. Even Jeon's mouth twitches at the corner—the closest thing to a smile you've ever seen from him. For a split second, a gentle breeze wraps around you both like a shared secret.
You nearly jump out of your skin when Jeon's eyes suddenly meet yours. For a heartbeat, maybe two, neither of you moves.
It's... t̶o̶o̶ ̶m̶u̶c̶h̶ weird. The way his dark eyes seem to see right through you, how his hurricane wraps around you like you're in the eye of the storm. Too close. You're close enough to count his stupidly long eyelashes, to see the tiny scar on his cheek catch moonlight.
Then reality crashes back in. Jeon shifts away so fast you'd think you burned him, putting blessed distance between you. The barriers slam back into place—he's your superior, you're just some annoying ensign he got stuck babysitting during paintball. That's all this is.
You lean back too, trying to ignore the way your heart's still doing gymnastics in your chest. It's unsettling, this weird moment of... something. Not respect, definitely not that, but maybe a reluctant acknowledgment that there's more to him than just being an ice-cold asshole. The way he handled that shot, the focus in his eyes, the subtle pride in his posture—it's t̶h̶e̶ ̶h̶o̶t̶t̶e̶s̶t̶ annoyingly impressive.
Jeon's already back in sniper mode, all business again like nothing happened. But the air feels different now. Like the air has picked up speed, swirling with renewed intensity as if trying to blow away whatever just passed between you.
You watch him work, wondering when exactly you started noticing things like how his jaw clenches when he's concentrating, or how his fingers move with such precise grace on the trigger.
You tell yourself the shiver down your spine is just from the cold night air.
"I should leave." The words come out low, almost like he's talking to himself. He stands up, towering over you, a dark silhouette against the forest green. "Won't take long for them to tell V where I am."
"What, you scared?" The question slips out before you can stop it.
Since when does the great Jeon run from a fight? Especially with V?
"No." It's instant, defensive. His tone is laced with something like irritation. "With V, you play his game. I just landed a shot. He'll know exactly where I am the second he gets here." A pause. "That's why you're staying."
"I see." You answer automatically. Then your brain catches up.
Wait.
"Hold up—I'm what now?" The words come out sharp. "So I'm just bait?"
"Yeah?" He says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world, like he can't fathom why you're even asking. "You'll draw him out."
"Didn't you literally just give me that whole speech about 'making do' and 'real situations'?" Your voice rises with each word. "And now you're using your teammate as bait? Real nice. Guess I was right—you are a hypocrite."
"Sometimes sacrifices are necessary." His voice is cool, professional. "Plus, between us..."
He looks at you then, really looks, and something in your chest goes tight. Those dark eyes of his catch moonlight like black ice, beautiful and deadly. His stupidly long lashes cast shadows on his cheeks, and when he blinks, it feels deliberate. Like he's giving you time to process what comes next.
"You're the expendable one. Here, and in real life."
"Fuck off." The words come out sharp and mean, exactly how you want them.
His eyebrow arches, silver beads catching moonlight like a warning. "Watch your tone."
You can feel the hurricane bearing down on you again. It sneaks through the cracks in your attire, scratching at the outer layer of your skin. It is oppressive, suffocating. Engulfs your whole being almost instantly, almost as if to blow you off balance.
"So you're really doing this?" Your voice cracks a little, caught between rage and something that feels too much like hurt. "Just leaving me here as bait?"
He doesn't even blink. Those dark eyes of his are cold and distant now, like you're just another variable in one of his calculations.
"It's strategic, not personal."
"Strategic." You let out a laugh that's more like a snarl. The thought of being nothing but a disposable piece in his game makes your blood boil. Being used by anyone would piss you off, but being used by Jeon? That's a special kind of infuriating.
He takes a step back from you now, creating physical distance as if he was uncomfortable. Maybe, somewhere under all that ice, he actually feels bad about this. But t̶h̶a̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶w̶i̶s̶h̶f̶u̶l̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ you're probably just seeing what you want to see.
"Stay low and keep quiet." His voice goes all authoritative again, his standoffish nature coming right back. "If V knows it's a trap, we lose our advantage."
You cross your arms, watching Jeon's figure fade into the shadows. Every cell in your body screams to call him out, to demand better than being left as bait, but...
What leverage do you have? The answer hits like a slap: absolutely none.
He moves like a ghost between the trees, that hurricane of his dissipating until you're left alone with nothing but forest sounds for company. His words echo in your head, each syllable of "expendable" burning like acid.
You try to shift position, searching for some way to sit that doesn't make your ankle scream or your pride hurt worse. Hard to do when you're officially demoted to bait in this stupid paintball game.
Stupid Jeon. How can he turn even mock battles into some grand strategic play?
Your jaw clenches. At least real bait doesn't have to deal with the indignity of knowing it's bait.
The forest is too quiet now, like it's holding its breath. You try to focus, to be the good little decoy he wants, but between your throbbing ankle and the rage simmering under your skin, concentration's a lost cause. Your thoughts spin like leaves in a storm, each one circling back to how much you want to punch that perfect face of his.
Then—something changes.
It's subtle. Just the slightest shift in the air, barely enough to stir the leaves. But every instinct you have lights up like a warning flare. You freeze, hardly daring to breathe as you strain to locate whatever's setting off your internal alarms.
That's when you feel it—thorny vines wrapping around your lungs, making each breath sharp and dangerous. V materializes from the darkness like he was born from it, moving with the kind of liquid grace that reminds you why he's chief of stealth. Before you can blink, cold metal presses against your neck—his paintball gun, a very pointed reminder of how screwed you are.
The speed of it leaves you breathless. Or maybe that's his thorny rose aura, squeezing tighter with each passing second. His mastery of stealth isn't just reputation—it's terrifying reality.
"Shh, shh, shh." His breath ghosts over your ear, playful and deadly all at once.
You hadn't planned on screaming, but the way his aura constricts around you makes you reconsider.
"Where's Jeon?" V's voice is barely above a whisper, but something in it makes your blood run cold.
You hesitate. Part of you wants to sell Jeon out—serves him right for using you as bait. But something in V's tone makes you think carefully about your next words. This might be a game to everyone else, but V... V plays different.
"He left me," you manage, voice tight. "Twisted my ankle."
The laugh that follows sounds wrong, like broken glass wrapped in velvet. His thorny vines squeeze tighter.
"Typical Jeon." The way he says it drips poison. "Once a traitor, always a traitor." There's history there, old wounds still bleeding. "Abandoning a teammate? That's cold, even for him."
The paintball gun stays pressed against your neck. Except... is it really loaded with paint? Your stomach drops as you realize you have no way of knowing. Not with V. Not when he's got that edge to his voice that makes you think maybe this stopped being a game the moment he spotted you.
Every instinct screams at you to run, but you're trapped between fight or flight, knowing either choice could end badly.
"He's not here then?" V sounds almost disappointed, like a kid whose favorite toy got taken away. "Pity. I was hoping for a proper reunion."
The gun against your neck suddenly feels a lot more real. You're not the target—you're just the bait. Again. Except this time, it's not just your pride at stake.
"Should've expected as much..." His laugh raises goosebumps on your skin. "No loyalty in that one, hmm? Makes you wonder what he'd do in a real bind. Leave you to rot, probably."
You stay quiet, letting V's poison drip. Each word feels calculated, like he's trying to infect you with his hatred for Jeon. His vines constrict tighter around your lungs with every syllable, and you can't help wondering what made these two hate each other so viciously.
"That's Jeon for you." The words drip with disgust, but V's smirking like this is all some twisted game. "Self-serving. Cold. Doesn't care who he steps on to get what he wants."
The way he's focused on his little villain monologue gives you an opening. Adrenaline floods your system as you make your move—one hard stomp on his foot. His yelp of surprise is almost satisfying.
You shove the paintball gun away from your neck, twisting out of his grip. For one glorious second, you think you might actually get away.
Then reality hits. Literally.
V moves like water, flowing around your escape attempt like he knew exactly what you'd do. Before you can blink, you're eating dirt, his weight pinning you down. The gun barrel presses cold against your forehead, and you realize just how badly you miscalculated.
"Not bad, dear." His grin makes your skin crawl. "But not good enough."
You're pinned, his weight heavy and his presence suffocating. His thorns dig deeper with each breath, and you can almost feel them cutting through your skin.
You're trapped, completely at his mercy, but damned if you'll let him see you scared.
He leans in close. "Let me give you a piece of advice." His whisper raises goosebumps on your neck. "Watch your back around Jeon. He's more dangerous than you think."
The warning in his voice sounds too personal, too raw to be just another mind game. Like maybe he's speaking from experience.
"Oh, I'm counting on it." The words come out steadier than you feel with V's weight pinning you down. You manage to keep your voice even despite the lack of oxygen making it to your brain.
Something flickers across his face—confusion, maybe suspicion. Those stealth instincts of his finally catching up, but too late.
SPLAT.
Paint explodes across V's back in a neon burst. His whole body goes rigid against yours, muscles freezing mid-squeeze. The look of pure disbelief on his face almost makes this whole night worth it.
When he turns to look over his shoulder, you already know what he'll see. Jeon emerges from the shadows like he was born from them, rifle balanced casually in those tattooed hands. Even playing paintball in the middle of the night, he somehow manages to look t̶o̶o̶ ̶h̶o̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶ irritatingly put-together.
He runs his fingers through dark hair, pushing it back from his face in a way that's probably supposed to look casual but comes off more like a shampoo commercial. The silver in his piercings catches moonlight, and honestly? It's just rude how he makes everything look so effortless. Like being unfairly attractive is just another one of his many talents.
V's weight disappears as he stands, and suddenly his whole demeanor shifts. The deadly predator from moments ago vanishes, replaced by that familiar chaos-loving trickster. His laugh rings through the trees as he claps, adorned with delight instead of danger.
"Bravo, Jeon!" V calls out theatrically into the forest shadows where Jeon now stands revealed. "Always hiding in the shadows like the snake you are."
Jeon's face is blank, but there's something razor-sharp in the way he moves
"Far better than always playing the fool to hide your incompetence, if you ask me." Jeon retorts sharply, ice crystallizing each syllable.
"Incompetence?" V's laugh has an ugly edge to it. "That's rich, coming from you. Can't even follow basic gang rules, but here you are, talking shit."
Something flickers across Jeon's face—too quick to catch, but his expression grows darker, more intense. Seems like V knows exactly where to stick the knife.
"A gang built on backstabbing might want to rethink its rules." Jeon's voice could freeze hell over. It's like the winds around him whip faster now.
"See, that's your problem." V tilts his head, a mischievous, lazy grin spreading all over his lips. "When I stab someone in the back, at least I don't cry about it after."
The smile he gives Jeon is pure venom—like he's referencing something that happened between them, something that left scars.
"Right." Jeon practically spits the word. "You only get emotional when you're the one getting fucked over."
They stare each other down, and you feel thorny vines trying to pierce through howling wind and rain. Finally, Jeon looks away first, shaking his head like he's trying to dislodge memories he'd rather forget.
Jeon's eyes find yours, and it's not concern you see there—more like he's doing some kind of damage assessment without having to actually ask if you're okay.
You don't give him the satisfaction of a response. He left you as bait, remember? Used you like some expendable pawn in his little game with V.
But something annoying nags at the back of your mind.
Because he did come back.
The moment breaks when Jeon looks away, that weird tension snapping like a rubber band. His typhoon-self settles back into its usual pattern as he stands there radiating smug victory. The paint splattered across V's back is proof enough of who won this round.
"That's it then. This round goes to me." He says it like he's commenting on the weather, not like he just outmaneuvered the most dangerous man in Kkangpae.
There's something almost boring about how he announces his win—no gloating, no pride, just checking another box on whatever mental list he keeps in that pretty head of his.
His eyes flick back to you. "Time to get you to the infirmary—"
"Let's not pretend you've suddenly gone soft, Jeon." V cuts him off, setting down his gun with this little head tilt that somehow manages to be both playful and threatening.
"Oh, please." The disdain in Jeon's voice is too evident. "She just needs to get her ankle checked, and it's not like she can walk there."
V steps closer, moonlight painting him silver. There's something otherworldly about him now—like some fairy tale creature that lures people into trouble with a smile.
"I'll take her to medical myself." His voice drips honey-sweet mockery. "Sounds more fun than whatever boring escort you had planned."
You watch Jeon consider this, weighing something in his head. After what feels like forever, he just... shrugs. Like he couldn't care less what happens to you.
"Sure." His voice is pure ice. "She's your problem now."
Then he just... walks away. No backward glance, no hint that he gives a single shit about leaving you with someone who literally had a gun to your head five minutes ago. The winds that seem to surround him dissipate with each step he takes, leaving you feeling weirdly hollow.
V turns to you with that signature grin of his—the one that's equal parts charming and concerning. He offers his hand with exaggerated gallantry, like some twisted prince charming.
He then scoops you up, bridal style of course because that's V for you, and you can't help but notice he's stronger than he looks. The transition from ground to air is smooth despite your resistance, but what choice do you have? Crawl to the castle?
Your eyes find Jeon one last time as V starts walking. Something in your chest twists when you realize he's not even looking back. You hate that you wanted him to fight this, to show something about handing you over to V. Your twisted ankle is his fault, after all.
But his face might as well be carved from stone. If he feels anything about this situation, he's buried it so deep even his hurricane can't dig it up.
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#jungkook smut#jungkook scenario#jungkook x reader#bts fanfic#bts smut#bts x reader#bts scenario#bts imagine#jungkook fanfic#jungkook imagine#bts jungkook#bts fanfiction#jungkook fanfiction#jk fic#bts au#jungkook angst#bts scenarios#jungkook scenarios#bts fic recs#jungkook x you#jeon jungkook x y/n#kgp#kkangpae
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Zedd - Clarity (feat. Foxes)
High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again 'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity? If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity? Walk on through a red parade and refuse to make amends It cuts deep through our ground and makes us forget all common sense Don't speak as I try to leave 'cause we both know what we'll choose If you pull, then I'll push too deep and I'll fall right back to you 'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity? Why are you my clarity? Why are you my remedy? Why are you my clarity? Why are you my remedy? If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?
#zedd#foxes#clarity#music video#i like this music video#lmao still gets me in my feels when i hear it#i'm so exciteddddd
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was worried parts of cr2 would not hold up on rewatch (especially seeing people hate the aeor arc so much) but ngl so far its either been good and fun as hell (travellercon, pirate arc) or just straight up banger after banger. like the xhorhas to angel of irons through to refjorged arc and then the cathedral.................. unrelenting slay
#so far the aeor arc is banging i love that its so freaky and i love that theyre committing to the bit and its cold as fuck and snowy#and everyones getting points of exhaustion from the cold#and lucien is scary . and it just feels like from the point they find molly's empty grave and then again when vess dies that theyre#spiralling as fast as an actual play dnd podcast can go towards a big scary climax with connecting threads and research its so fun#im excited for later when (almost) everyone starts getting the eyes on themselves. i love the raising stakes of it. its so spoooky#just abt to get to the ep when caleb and beau first do 😈#kiddo say#cr2 is just peak to me .#i did start at the beginning of the iron shepherds arc tho so i did hear/remember it starts slow. but idk i still like the characters enoug#but maybe i should go back to there too#(my rewatch started because i wanted to watch scenes with nila and then just kept going while i was working lmao)#nila and keg rule sm some of my fave guests. reani too#twiggy also is v good. but i should go back bc i actually dont remember calianna very well .
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i miss carpisuns sometimes </3
#not necessarily that I regret switching over but i just get like nostalgic for an earlier time in the ml fandom#s3 was soooo much fun for me#and the long hiatus before s4 was also the best. so good wasn’t ready for it to end when it did haha#things just feel so different in the fandom now#both the fandom has changed and I have changed#and of course the STORY has changed#and I like don’t know what to do about that or how to react#cause I am used to being one of the guys who is defending ml’s honor with my life lol#committed to spreading positivity#and I still want to be that guy!#but it’s like. idk. I don’t recognize this story anymore#this isn’t the same story that I fell in love with years ago. but I don’t want to just like Leave??#I do want to see how things play out bc I am still invested in these characters#and I would love to still be part of the fan community and connect with people over a mutual love for this thing#that has been important to me for years and has inspired me to create and learn new skills and make new friends!#but I also don’t just want to shut up and pretend I’m happy about things I am decidedly unhappy about lol#like it’s honestly surprising to me that a only a small minority of the fandom seems to feel the way I do?#and the majority are still super pumped and frustrated at the people who are complaining#and really. I don’t WANT to rain on anyone’s parade. I honestly don’t#I was part of the parade for years! I had the best time in the parade! I don’t want to ruin the good time!#so i try not to be too salty on main ? but i feel like I’m going a little crazy lmao! like I’m just one bitter little miser fhdjjd#i mean i guess it’s kind of a good thing that I moved blogs tbh lol#cause now when i whine only a fraction of the people have to be exposed to it 😂#but man i hate knowing that people might think of me as a salter#I mean it’s valid if people are trying to have fun and do not want to hear my complaining haha#but also do i automatically have to be a salter. are the only options support and defend ml 100% at all times or Be A Salter#or can there be a third category of certified ml lover that is just disappointed in recent events & disagrees with the new writing direction#is that too much nuance for tumblr lol#see maybe that’s why I miss carpisuns. she didn’t have to ask this question. she was only full of LOVE!#but therein lies the irony…like marinette I have made this choice out of love…for what the story once was…what is to become of me now…
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husband.. I love him
#ash rambles 💚#kissing in the van 💍#k.yohei.. i never have the words for him#i think thats why i dont talk abt him as often as some others#but he's my number 1 guy and i love him with every ounce of my being and I'm so damn grateful i get to be his life and i just love him#so freaking much and being with him makes me feel like the happiest girl ever. being with him makes me feel so happy.#i never doubt myself or hate myself like usual when I'm with him. hes so comforting and warm and perfect and amazing and im just.. so happy#he's everything i could ever want and more#how lucky i am to have him as a husband#coming up on three years.. i adore him so much#i never have the words to describe how he makes me feel. no one really understands me like he does i feel. waking up in his arms every day#is the best. seeing his soft smile and hearing that deep voice... it's my favorite in the whole world. i adore him#he's always so caring and attentive and loving ajdhamdh#he's so gentle and loving with me. he's so supportive too. he really does fuel my s/i's love for nerdy shit and plushies. he's so kind.#and handsome too#sorry this is. really sappy#i just#ajdhajdja#he's so#sjdjsjdjhsjd#my husband... the way i feel towards him is just something else#i adore him. more than that even. he's just everything i never knew i needed. he makes me feel excited to keep going#he makes me feel like maybe i do matter. he makes me feel loved. cared for. he laughs at my stupid jokes.#it's still quite early for me and man.. waking up in his arms.. how nice#k.yohei i love you with all i am!!#ahem. okay I'm done now. back to The Usual Ash#i get teary eyed if i think about him too hard lmao. a lot of my inserts end up marrying their partners at one point but..#for me? there's only one man I'll ever call MY husband
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art time-lapse of this piece that i posted in IG b4 to try out doing reels. i really like how this turned out overall plus "yasashii suisei" (link for eng tl) really fit the vibes so im queueing this here too
#khr#khre#khr oc#oniyanagi#hibari kyoya#ninomiya kanako#oc#hibakana#einart#tags yapping abt hibakana ahead 🫡#the quote that inspired this one still lives rent-free in my brain#“my alone feels so good i'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude”#both of them are the type of people who likes to move on their own and dislikes being restricted#and they thrive that way without needing to look out for things like social cues/other's perceptions/the will of a “majority”#there's this certain type of independence that i rlly admire for each of these two characters#if they don't feel comfortable with a person#or if the person's company does not spark any joy#as much as their peace and quiet does#then why would they even hang out and spend/invest time with them amirite? theyre not abt that fake life#nowadays its very common for me to hear abt boomers asking ppl when they're gonna get an s/o or marriage#or just others forcing ppl to conform with the social norms and what's considered as “normal”#so these two rlly bring me a lot of comfort#on their own; if i were to depict them on separate stories#khre aside and just considering khr; idt id ship hibari with anyone; he would be my a-spec king icon idol and legend who does wtv he wants🫶#kana too mdbxndbddjbd her previous version b4 this had another oc/canon ship but i don't rlly fck with that anymore (still funny tho)#(i realized that that previous ship rlly held her back character-wise---)#(but their (potential/established) platonic relationships with other characters are so *chef kiss* tho--working hard on brainstorming that)#on the other hand i started shipping hibakana for the comedy of their dynamic lmao (it should be around b4 sou & i reached kokuyo arc)#“wouldn't it be funny if---”#its just a joke there's supposed to be an “/hj” somewhere there i didn't know they would suit e/o's characters & personality this much wtf
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told my mom i was taking like 1/18th of an edible to help me deal with my anxiety and she told me flat out if i wanted to get completely high she wouldn't lame me. deeply wild thing to hear from my straight edge mormon mother
#rabbit.txt#unfortunately i don't want to get high because that also makes me easily overstimulated. and stupid#i don't want to get so high i feel my teeth sitting in my skull i just want the edge of this anxiety taken off lmao#but yeah it's STILL crazy to hear her be okay with this#like. when i was havign trouble finding pain management medication she offered out kf the blue to go buy me some edibles#i was so taken aback because i hadn't even considered asking#i just assumed the answer would have been no
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it's still wild to me p5 had a crossover with nier rein and now I cant stop thinking of ryomina ending up in the cage after the events of p3 ehehe ryoji would definitely get recorded too even with his brief time living as a human. i mean, clones, dragons and robots got recorded. what's stopping him. even with them being there and makoto being the seal in their own worlds they'll be fine and it wont really affect the seal. ryoji learning more about humanity together with makoto... restoring people's memories and seeing their experiences. and maybe along the way they see their other divergent selves too and their memories, the what if this or that happened... or maybe fixing their own memories too. in the end just like the rein characters, ryoji and makoto's bond becomes stronger than ever before and no matter what happens they'll always be together ;;w;;
#p3 brainrot#nier reincarnation au#my passion for persona back then at that time the collab happened wasnt really there sdkjghkdf#also coz it was p5 again#but now looking back at it again... yeah freaking p5 world is recorded in the cage#even hina was involved coz the memory happened in shibuya#wanted yuzuki involved too but alas#fun fact yuzuki has the same en va as makoto#so now every time i hear him i think of makoto lmao#their voice direction kinda the same i feel??#anyway yeah now i cant stop thinking of ryomina in the cage#it will be so fun ehehehe#and lots of angst KHGKDFHGD#yummy#i feel both ryoji and makoto's memory weapon would be a sword#maybe ryoji's sword resembles thanatos'#to me it is important that as thanatos it must be a sword#coz greek lore reasons ahaha#also thought about ryomina in the nier world during 2003 when the white giant fell down#makoto would be 10 yrs old at the time...#traumatizing#ryoji protecting him from the gods' influences#like protecting him from getting forced into a contract#but he'll still die fighting in the end#legion makoto looks cool too tho skjhgkfd the red eyes
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#ok im making one more dot post and then i am (hopefully) getting off tumblr and going to bed#liam payne#death#i do suggest not reading tbh because its just gonna be waffle. anyways#ive distanced myself from the boys for years for a multitude of reasons. mainly that they did things that disappointed me and i realised the#way i was attatched to them was unhealthy. so for the most part i listened and enjoyed the music and didnt pay Much attention to anything#else. and like liam. i always liked him in the band days because to me he was the underdog. the underappreciated and probs less stanned one#out of all of them. and when youre a fan i do feel like a lot of us just wanted them all to be appreciated. idk. but anyways yeah i did feel#for him. due to him backgroud growing up. his talent. etc etc. even though he wasnt my fav. and even when he did something wrong my teenage#self still defended him like my life depended on it. (embarassing) anyways. his solo music while it was not my fav i still occasionally#enjoyed. its just over produced pop like it was fine and i found it fun. in terms of him as an actual person by this point in his career i#didnt pay attention to him or the others that much anymore#and like. yeah as of recently as more stuff came out about him being kinda weird and rude and abusive 🙃🙃🙃 that was kind of the final#straw for me! like in terms of me giving a fuck about him. if he eventually came around cool but i wasnt gonna wait around for it.#god this whole thing feels so dramatic but i need to get it oit or i Know i will not be at peace lmao anyways#so yeah come to hearing about his death which. i hear about because of trin lovell on twitter like. shsvshs. anyways my reaction was#disbelief and just... nothing? like i said in my brain i had just disregarded him honestly. and even now i still just feel speechless.#to summarise my feelings. fuck him for how he treated his ex and probably other women as well. but also. he was my boy. he'll always be a#part of me. and it feels weird that hes just. gone. he suffered a lot with addiction and pressures etc and its just. sad that hes gone now.#that he never got to get better. and he wont get the chance to. im sad for his family. and anyone else thats gonna be affected by this#im always gonna remember him.#and thats all i have to say. honestly part of me feels SO dramatic for even typing all this out but here we are.#if anyone has read this far and wants someone to talk to im more than happy. and also just wanna make clear that i am fine#le text post
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I hope today was the worst day of my year. because today sucked. but I think it's gonna get better now
#hes gonna get better#we're gonna get better#we're gonna pay off our credit cards#and start going on road trips to the next city over again#and actually be able to start saving and looking for ways to move out and start our life together#need to get out of the habit of saying boyfriend tbh hes my partner. he is. the only reason hes not my husband is cause we cant move out yet#as soon as we dont live with his parents anymore we're gonna get married. its basically agreed upon#we've wanted it for awhile now too but agreed then that it would be very cringe to get married while still living with his parents#no offense if u did that. we just dont want that#anyways. i cried a lot today. and thank god for my SIL and her bf cause if they werent with me#i wouldve checked myself into the er with a panic attack so i could get some Ativan lmao#only times ive ever genuinely wanted/used ativan are when hes in severe pain/im scared for him during surgery/when my cat died#and i only used it that one time when we had to call an ambulance and i had to hear him yelling in pain as they carried him up the stairs#god. hearing that sound come from him and hearing the wailing sobs he had when mona passed are like.#its stuck in my head forever. whenever i imagine it again its so clear in my mind and i wanna throw up and cry#im so happy he never has to feel that way again#i was so scared
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i’m pretty surprised that you can be in a fandom without really checking the tags regularly for new content or discussions that’s pretty impressive
ive got twitter for that and twitter has shown me enough as is
#snap chats#i dont even check twitter specifically for rgg its just that my algorithms been formed that way cause friends send me tweets#on the real though jvALEKJEKL ive always. how you say. played with dolls alone#so being alone online isnt hard or anything particularly 'impressive' to me its just how i roll#ive always lived in my head i guess- with my interests that is. its fun up there vlkeajkla#i still like to hear from other people of course but for the most part im happy with just myself im not all that pressed for others#i think its also just. i have. other interests? so i dont really think i want to look at One Particular Thing that day. at least for tumblr#i MIGHT just cause thats how the day goes but i dont think 'i feel like looking at rgg art today'#whatever i see I See and that'll be that yk i love a lot of things and think of a lot of things#evidently SOME things take a hold of me more than others- or ill wanna be more public bout it at least#but thats jsut cause i just feel SO MUCH for Whatever Thing It Is At The Time that i want to share it. so then i do jvlskjs#with that in mind can i really say im 'in' a fandom when i dont particularly interact with it LMAO#again always happy to do so but im like an estranged uncle if anything#come over once a year to drop gifts off then i leave. ill still respond to holiday cards though if theyre sent#also for discussions ill usually just talk to my brother about it since he'll usually be The Main Sponge for my rambling LOLOL#god's strongest soldier i promise i try to hold back but im afraid i feel my brain physically tickle my skull#my brother always has to watch in real time me be consumed by a piece of media. like its a symbiote its really funny#cause at this point we'll meet in the kitchen and ill start like 'you know whats really funny..'#and he'll just. 'ok so who's it about today' LIKE PLEAAAASSSEEE. anyways prepare for my ninth 90 minute lecture about This Character#i also have a friend that i talk about my interests with- not all the time but enough that im like. Yeah Im Good Talkin Bout This#like the dopamine in my brain is activated JUST enough when i get to have quick short convos bout it with her#honestly maybe i should use my blacklisted main and rb ALL of my sideblog posts there#just so the people following that can Also witness me be consumed in real time <- will not do this
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God, "I missed you" sex is the best
#eep.txt#as soon as we were alone he kissed me hard and just couldn't get close enough#we went to his room and he immediately attacked my neck i don't think i've ever had so many hickeys at once#he kept grinding for so long against me on his lap 😵💫 i was very desperate for more but he just wanted so feel my skin against his#he was sososo cute with his messy hair and the way he kept saying i love you!#i could see myself in the mirror in front of his bed i didn't think i was this fucked out lmao#maybe the first time i moaned this loud and talked this much too#usually i have to keep quiet even though it's hard cuz there's other people but it was so nice having him aaalll to myself#when he finally put his fingers in it felt like heaven i'd been so long#and same he just kept going so deep and so fast my god he said he liked hearing me again#i had to stop him cause i was getting really overstimulated but it was so good#i'm pretty sure it's the first time i've actually like moaned his name without meaning to do it#apparently i didn't realise i was babbling and scratching his back so hard#god i love being a power bottom and calling him cute or my sweet boy and getting him desperate but...#when he goes feral like that after not seeing me for a while? it's the best. i'm so lucky to have such a service top#so happy to be with him again#after we cuddled and we showered and we cooked and then watched videos and then talked and laughed#i'm so happy right now to even see him sleeping next to me :]#sorry i meant to do a sexy post but i guess this is more positive venting i'll make a proper one later#still new to this writing thing i'm probably very bad at it but it's nice to have a place to write down my memories and experiences
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Guess who's going on an actual fr date on Saturday ahsjakkskaksl
#not snz#it's ME I'm going on a fucking date#i still feel like i just imagined the whole thing ahsjakks fucking surreal#literally haven't stopped smiling since i said bye to him lmao#also why am i so nervous and freaking out about it lmao i literally know this person#but I've never been on a date in my almost 22 years of life so that'll probably do it ahsakskks#he's sooooo#😩#still pathetic of me to be like this over some guy but fuck man lmao#I'm still so tingly about it ahsakksks like is that normal or am i having a medical emergency lmaooo#actually never gonna get over the way he described me like ahdkakskkal#i never knew anyone saw me that way and I'm so so fucking soft about it like god wtf lmao#genuinely didn't know what to say lmao like how do you respond to something like that#especially coming from him too??#i mean not to say he isn't nice or a good person or anything he's just not usually very direct when it comes to stuff like that#like you kinda have to read between the lines which I'm shit at so i always err on the side of caution and assume nothing#which he knows now LMAO#and i definitely appreciate the directness it was just wild to hear lmao#i won't get too much more into it bc i doubt y'all wanna hear all that but god#I'm still trying to chill out enough to go to sleep ahdjakksl#anyway that's all there's the update for y'all lmao#partner posting
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idk i want it under the cut yay yippee yay
every time i haven't showered in a while due to being incredibly busy + depressed (and not needing to leave the house tbh) i get so mad because i just look like this picture of j*rma if he had larger lips and a different nose shape
like this is just what happens when my hair gets really weighed down by oil and loses it's curls and i fucking hate it. i don't want to look like fu/tch j*rma when i'm depressed i dont i dont i dont (<- pounding fist on bed petulantly but in a joke way)
#dis.txt#i have more of a babyface but 2 be fair we have. over a decade's difference between us. ofc i'm gonna look younger lmao#but still it makes me so angry. i do this pose when i'm sitting at my pc as well fuck off man. why does he look like this here#whenever i see a post about him i think about this image i literally saved it to confirm it's real. it's maddening#also i don't wanna hear anything abt ''that's gross''. i'm trying not to kms. 4 realsies. i know. i know. i do it when i can#i hate. showering i wish i could do it in the dark without thinking i'm gonna get murdered i don't wanna see. my body. ew#thank god for wipes and the fact that i have a big sink so i can washcloth it in the dark (<- feels slightly safer)
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